#and it warms my heart and not enough people understand that we're human

[satisaranea]

the way suzanne collins potrayed black characters that are usually perceived as agressive/angry or brutish (reaper, chaff, thresh) and all made them loving, generous and sacrificial in several ways, along with their district? i think about it a lot, and how so much good comes from such an overlooked district, and often overlooked people.

[syrma-sensei]

Somewhere In Your Heart, Ch.4: Unmasked.

Pairing: Soldier Boy x Fem!reader.

Rating: Explicit.

Warnings: Herogasm (need I elaborate more?), implied smut, angst, emotional rollercoaster...

Word Count: 2.3k

Summary: Soldier boy lives through the ennui of his peak, but everything is about to change when he has a shift in his heart.

Herogasm.

A place where supes exert their whims and desires without being pried on. The rumours you heard were rife with obscenity and outrageousness. However, what you're beholding now makes you think that whatever you heard about the affair was ten times more downwashed than the veritable things occuring before you right now.

Everything is raw, pure, and carnal.

They're just like humans. Like you.

“It’s my thing.” Soldier boasts in the middle of the display debauchery.

He's just like humans, of flesh and needs; like you.

You muster up a salacious grin, sliding the laces of your dress down in order to strip off. Soldier Boy rushes and holds your hands to your arms to stop you.

“What the fuck do you think you're doing, doll?” He snarls.

Your grin doesn't waver, your brow quirks up playfully, “Getting naked? I'm feeling overdressed here.”

He lets another guttural sound. “Not in here.” His voice is commanding and you shiver.

He pulls you through the scenes of sex and pleasure. You watch supes having their way with other supes and normal people. You wonder if the normal workers consented to be here. You see men with women, men with men, women with women. No facades, no masks. You feel the thrill roil your belly at the sounds of naked flesh slamming against naked flesh. You fathom a strange kind of sincerity in this place, where one can be and do whatever they want.

“See, I established this…” He waves a hand around, “Back in 52, with Liberty.”

You raise a brow at the new info.

“Why?” You ask.

His brows furrow, “Why I built this? Because we fucking deserve it. We're gods among men, and we have gods’ tendencies.”

“But I see normal people here,” You chuckle, “I thought we humans were way below you and your kind.”

Soldier Boy stops in his tracks. Turning on his heels, his hand grabs your jaws, making you moan at the force. He pulls you in to whisper in your ear, “We can do whatever we want, fuck whoever we want. In time, you'll understand how privileged you are to be mine.”

“Words, words…” You snatch your head out of his grasp in defiance, “I only hear words and see no actio—!”

He shuts you up with his crushing lips. You moan at the rapturous strength in his hands as he pulls into his hold. You can feel the warm and firm muscles underneath his gear. His lips are full and ravenous against yours, for a moment, you felt as if he's going to swallow you whole. The way his lips covet yours ripples through your body down to your core; you moan again.

He breaks the kiss for a second, gazing down at you with half-lidded eyes, purring, “Do you want to be truly mine?”

You tear up as emotions burn both in your heart and eyes. The world's strongest superhero is asking you to be his. You ogle him through your tears. No man ever required your permission before. The leash Jack has on you makes you an available mount for anyone who's ready to pay Jack enough to let them have you.

Soldier Boy — Ben, didn't do anything of the sort even though he made sure whatever the thing had been going between the two of you was worth it. Yes. You want to be his, even if only for the night. You want to be claimed by this man, you want to feel it for once, that you have control over your life and do something of your choice.

“Yes.” You utter, your lips are still close to his. “Make me yours, please.”

Soldier Boy grins. That giddy and boyish grin is growing on you. The way his eyes light up at your acceptance.

He takes you to private chambers, and makes you his.

Ben cards a hand through your hair as your head lays on his chest. His eyes are gazing up to the ceiling.

He's just had one of the best nights of his life. The satisfying sensation of mirth is piercing into his bone. He finally had you, and his mind is at peace, for now.

However, he can't say the same thing about his heart which is bumping with nourishment under your ear. He hasn't felt this in god knows for how long. He feels happy. Truly happy. And it's not just the sex.

Fuck. It casts upon him that he doesn't want this to end after tonight. He realises he wants more of you, more of this. Whatever this is… he craves for more, more of you. More of this non-ephemeral happiness. He knows it. He can feel it in his bones that the cat and mouse game between you played out into something more. He's feeling sweet tingles in his body like a fucking teen boy. Be that as it may, he's fond of it.

He sighs softly, hand still buried in your hair.

Could it be?

Could it be you? The one with whom he wants to make his childish dream come true?

The one he'd make a family with?

He doesn't know.

The only thing he's certain of at the moment is that he doesn't want what he has with you to end, contrary to what he initially believed.

He feels you shift under his arm. You crane your face up to meet his. God, you're fucking pretty. Pretty can't even describe the happy glow you're in now. Pride sprouts in his chest that he made you happy. His little ol’ heart beats fast at the fact. His fancy is so tickled.

“Are you compensated, doll face?” He asks playfully.

Your eyes furrow, confused for a moment, then a blush invades your cheeks.

The sound of his deep chuckle makes your heart swell, it's refreshing. “Oh, I am. Plenty.” You giggle.

“Good, because you're gonna have to get used to my generosity.”

You blink several times at the sudden revelation that you sit up.

He mimics you as he sits up, noticing the silent panic in your eyes, “What is it?”

“I can't be yours alone.” You whisper. “Jack won't let that happen…”

He frowns, the mere mention of his name grinds on his gears. He grumbles, “That fuckhead can suck on my dick for all I care.”

You sigh, “Ben… you don't understand, he owns me—”

His lips seal yours. “Shh, I'm a jealous man, I warn you. I won't have my girl talking about another man owning her.”

A strange yet delightful shiver courses through your body. Did he just call me his girl?

“Then do something.” You tear up, emotions burning your eyes. “I don't want him. I want you. Please.”

He flinches when you hug him, crying into his chest. Fuck, he isn't good with sentimental shit. Sentiments are a women's department, not a seasoned soldier's like himself. Fuck! He should do something, but his body is alerted to do anything and you crying into his chest isn't making it better.

“Shh…” His arms reluctantly hold you back, a hand patting your back softly.

“Ben…” His heartstrings tug painfully at the way you say his name, the way you implore him. “Please don't let him take me back.”

His chin rests on your head, his hand still patting your back. “I won't. You're mine now.”

“Don’t let me go, please.”

Fuck this, he isn't good at comforting anyone, because he never did it to anyone neither was it done to him. Somewhere weird burns his eyes as he remembers his loveless childhood. It's as if the sound of your sobbing triggers it.

“I won't let anyone take you from me. You have my word for that.”

Soldier Boy is many things, but a promise breaker isn't one of them.

You don't realise that you dozed off on Ben's chest until you wake up after hours. Ben's side is empty. You groan as you rub your eyes. You hear ecstatic moans woven into music, it's still permeating through the door; the party doesn't stop.

You shift in your spot. Your core aches from sweet soreness.

You can't believe you just slept with the hero of all heroes, in Herogasm no less. Weeks of tantalising mutual pinning are finally put the button on.

Instead of being disappointed, it's glee that's undulating in your skin. When Ben and you started this game, you believed it would be a fleeting fling. But now, you don't want what it resulted to end. You want this to proceed with what it has to unearth in the future.

You aren't naïve, you aren't unaware of your circumstances. But your stupid heart, that you thought dead, is beating with such vehemence you don't recognise. With something alien to you…. could it be love?

You shake your head at the absurdity of which. But you can't help the smile that pulls on your lips as you remember Ben's promise. You're his now.

Jack taught you to always distinguish between business and pleasure. but here you are, in a mess of business and pleasure yet in neither. You're in a mess of what you forgot long ago. Life.

Ben has brought life back to your miserable existence, and whether you like it or not, your heart is beating for that man even if his feelings don't requite yours. At least he shows some kind of interest, a benign one.

As the sounds of passion keep pouring through the walls, you wonder if Ben joined in one of the activities you saw when he toured you around. Men like Ben tend to be heartbreakers, mean, and uncouth. And he's taken what he wants from you. You push the panicked qualms and doubts about whether he wants anything to do with you or not to the back of your mind. He promised. You remind yourself.

Trying to argue the muscle that is still palpating with vigour in your chest, Jealousy burns your chest at the thought of Ben being with another woman… or women.

Yes, you harbour something for Ben. Lust, love, adoration… you aren't sure, but it doesn't matter, nevertheless. You know he can't be yours the way you can be his. You try to reason with yourself. But alas. You can't accept it, you want him all to yourself just the way he wants you all to himself.

The thought of him with another drives you to sit up.

You find a nightgown hanging next to the bed. You're incredulous to wear it. Many people would have worn it, but you put it on, though.

You rush out of the room, and you're surrounded with naked people again. Back glued to the wall, you tiptoes into a corridor wherein a man and a woman are copulating.

You pass by them then you jolt when you hear a bellowing laugh, “And I tell ya, it was the best shot I had with my bitch of a sister in our entire lives.”

“Betcha.” You hear Ben say, “If it weren't for my order back then; they would've given me slip, because you and your sis decided to pussy out on the mission.”

You raise a brow. It dawns upon you that you never saw that side of Ben. The superhero side of him, if there's any. You're curious, so you encourage yourself to eavesdrop. You want to know more about him.

“You can't blame us, there were citizens in the building!” The other man grouses, “They’re on you, Ben.”

The latter snickers, “Those people were in the way, the mission was to croak the assholes and I did. More people could've been hurt if they'd ducked out.”

Your heart paces up as they talk. Why does this sound so familiar? A bile of bitterness lurches in your throat.

“Still… an entire building was on fire that day.”

“It’s been, what? 10 years? And you’re still bitter about it, kid?”

“Fuck no!” The man scoffs, “I just told you it was the best shot we had with Tessa! Plus, it's been only six years! Nope, can't forget the best day of my career.”

Your breath hyperventilates as the minutiae gets familiar and familiar with you, conjuring up flashes of the day that changed your life for good.

“Not bad for someone who always misses their fucking marks.” Soldier Boy's tone is tight.

Tessa… Tessa… Tessa. You rack your mind fumbling through the inkling of the name. Then it snaps. Tommy and Tessa, The TNT Twins. Two members of Payback. Soldier Boy, TNT Twins, a burning building, six years ago? Could it be the same incident that took your brother's life?

Six years ago, the shitty building you used to reside in was invaded by criminals chased by none other than Payback. You were out in a sleep over at one of your friends’ while your brother was at home sleeping. According to people who gave their account of the incident, the criminals set the building on fire to distract the heroes with rescuing the civilians from the flames rather than going after them. However, and simply put, Payback could catch up with them and annihilate the threat. One of the side casualties was your brother, and you in somehow.

With no close relatives to go to, you had to be dragged from orphanage to orphanage. Until you met Jack when you were sixteen at a bar, and made you what you are now.

You feel the urge to throw up. You were always aware that your brother was a victim to that incident. To those criminals. It didn't occur to you that his death sentence was uttered by Ben.

Tears swell up in your eyes, they exude out in two rivulets down your cheeks, you cover your mouth with your hands to prevent an audible gasp.

You swallow hard and try to pull yourself together. Turning on your heels, you put on your clothes, and head back home. Back to Jack.

🦅 Previous Chapter: Mirrors.

🦅 Next Chapter: A Man's Property.

🦅 Somewhere In Your Heart Masterlist

🦅 Soldier Boy Masterlist

Taglist: @thebiggerbear, @zepskies, @deanbrainrotwritings, @deansbbyx, @deans-spinster-witch

@venus-haze, @kaleldobrev, @k-slla, @ketchupjasmin, @demodemo909

@mystic-mara, @jqtaro, @pepsicolacoochie, @bitchykittenconnoisseur, @prurose

@leavli, @robertthehoover, @soldiergrimes, @vanessa-boo, @uddiifiigj...

[imagines-by-cleo]

The Smell Of Apples

Part 1 of the Absolution series - part 2

John Ward x Fem!Reader

CW: religious imagery, priest kink/hierophilia, dub con, dirty talk, phone sex, exhibitionism/voyeurism, mutual masturbation, wet dreams, masturbation, corruption, catholic guilt but sexy, we're getting a few years in purgatory for this

I've been getting way too into Faith the unholy trinity lately and this is the result of that.

There's an interview with the creator where he talks about every ending being cannon and John being a much more morally grey character than people realize so I played with that idea. I'm really proud of how this turned out, I would even be so dramatic to call it my magnum opus. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

It starts as all mistakes like this do, innocently enough. One sunday morning after mass John is sitting there alone in a small chapel reading his bible as he's in the habit of doing. Then you come in, smiling sweetly but he can see something troubling behind your eyes. He returns the smile as he greets you, noticing a faint blush creep on your face when he calls your name.

"It's always good to see you." He says as he closes his bible and sets it aside making a place for you. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"Actually, there is, Father." You answer, taking a seat beside him on the pew. "There's something I've been struggling with lately."

"Of course, my child." He comforts you, setting a gentle hand on your shoulder. "Tell me all about it."

The blush on your cheeks returns, growing deeper as you take a moment to find the courage to share your heart with him. "I suppose it's the kind of thing you would take to confession, but I'm nervous. I've never confessed before."

The way you describe your troubles so sweetly leads him to believe you had never committed a sin in your life, he almost wants to laugh at the suggestion before he has to remember you were only human. John understands your hesitation though, being a relatively new priest he isn't entirely confident in his ability to hear sins and offer absolution, but he takes comfort in knowing that your inexperience matched his own, meaning any mistakes wouldn't be noticed right away.

"Confession is meant to unburden you of your sins, it can be daunting at first but you'll feel much better when we're done." He reassures you, keeping his hand on your shoulder as he moves closer. "I'll be here to guide you through every step of the way."

"Where do I begin?" You ask, encouraged by his words.

It warms his heart that you're so eager to take part in this cleansing ritual, while he was nervous at first now he was glad that it was him you decided to come to. Normally this was done in a booth, somewhere with more privacy, but it would be more comfortable for them both to stay there and not bar absolution with pointless formality.

"Usually you would begin by saying the words 'bless me, Father, for I have sinned.' Then you would tell me what's been troubling you." He explains, taking it step by step.

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." You repeat, your voice a low reverent whisper.

The way you say that sacred phrase makes a chill run up his spine, though he's not sure why just yet.

"I've been struggling with..." You pause, looking for the proper words to describe your feelings. "Lustful thoughts."

John can feel his face go pale when he hears the subject, then he feels his cheeks heat up with a blush that mimics yours. Not even a few minutes into this confession and he realizes the true purpose of the sacred booth and the privacy it offers. He longs for that safety now but it's much too late, so he continues.

"Where are these thoughts coming from?" He asks, before having to clear his throat to correct to pitch of his voice. "And how often do you find yourself struggling with them?"

"There's someone close to me that I've been thinking about." You admit, beginning your story seeming so unassuming but slowly delving into something more sinful as you reveal more information. "It started so innocently, I just liked the way he smiled at me and now I can't stop thinking about him. I even have these thoughts during service now."

This particular bit of knowledge is the most shocking to the priest, before he had no idea that you were even capable of harboring these thoughts, let alone having them during such a sacred time while he was so close to you. As he continues he worries how this may affect how he looks at you in the future.

"How do you feel about this person? Perhaps what you're feeling is just misplaced love." He suggests, still trying to maintain the image of the sweet chaste girl he had spoken to moments ago.

"I think very highly of him, he's actually a very holy man, but I can't help but have these unholy thoughts about him." You explain, a tinge of guilt in your voice at this aspect of your admission.

John takes a deep breath in, trying his best not to look frustrated as he tries to reason with the two opposing images in his head. "Is it the holiness that you find so appealing about this man? If so it could be your desire to be holy yourself."

"Oh no, it's not like that, it's..." You look away from him as the blush deepens on your face, unable to article the details of your thoughts.

He takes your hands in a comforting gesture and feels them trembling in his grasp, you inhale sharply as you both touch but he keeps his hold steady, determined to be the one to help you through this no matter the discomfort at first.

"There's no need to be afraid, anything you share here is just between us." He assures you, your shaking doesn’t cease immediately but it calms slightly at the sound of his voice. "Now tell me, are these thoughts about any specific actions? Or is it just a feeling of longing?"

You seem to think for a moment before answering, glancing down at where your hands met, back up at him, then away again with red cheeks. "It was just longing at first, then I thought about things like how his hands felt when they were holding mine, and how they would feel touching me in other places..."

John should have pulled his own hands away when you said that, but he couldn't bring himself too. Suddenly he felt the need to hear more of the confessions that made him so apprehensive at a few moments ago.

"How do you feel after you have these thoughts? Do you feel guilty? Or maybe even satisfied?" It feels like a different person asking these questions as they flow from his mouth, but they're driven by a need that is entirely his own.

"I feel so guilty, Father, but I don't know how to explain it. The guilt just makes it more tempting." You tell him, your voice quivering in shame.

This strikes a chord with the priest, he knows the exact feeling you're describing all too well. At this point he knows he should stop, offer penance, grant absolution and go separate ways. Though before he can speak up you continue.

"When I 'indulge' these thoughts the guilt makes it more intense." You explain, raising more questions.

"How do you indulge these thoughts, my child?" He inquires, without the chance think of how bad of an idea it is to delve further into this.

"Oh, Father, it's so shameful." You look away and cover your mouth in reluctance to answer, a faint glimmer of forming tears shines in your eyes as the last remnant of your chaste persona disapates.

"It's a very common struggle for young women, there's no need to feel ashamed. Tell me how these desires take hold of you so we can fight your temptation together." In this moment he feels less like the holy man he should be and more like the serpent whispering in your ear, either way your trust is completely in his hands.

"Well sometimes late at night, when praying doesn't work I-" You pause as your breath quickens, admitting your guilt in barely a whisper yet the words seem to echo through the small chapel. "I touch myself..."

John has already anticipated the words before they left your lips, but they still made him shudder with sinful delight. He could pretend this desire inside him didn't have a name or a purpose until now, but it was unmistakably revealed to be the same struggle that you came to him to have forgiven.

"I see..." He replies, tugging at his collar and feeling the sweat begining to dampen it as the air in the small chapel seems to get hotter and fills with a sweet scent that could only be your perfume. "What are your intentions when you 'indulge'? Is it just to relieve your burden or do you let your mind wander?"

"I only wanted to relieve the burden at first, to get it off my mind, but it felt so good to give in, and now I think about him doing all kinds of things to me." The answer comes out between short and shallow breaths, every question answered on the brink of sobbing. "I shouldn't be feeling this way about someone like him, but I can't help it."

Without considering how inappropriate it might be John puts his arm around you, shushing you as he holds you close. From here he can smell your perfume overpowering the chapel incense, creating a sweet aroma that weakened his resolution with every passing breath. His heart races as he wrestles with his own voyeuristic urges while trying to guide you through your own temptation.

"It's alright, I'm here to help, you can trust me." He assures, though the words are more to convince himself than to console you. "The path to absolution is difficult and frightening, but there's no same in walking that road."

With a few deep breaths to collect your emotions you prepare to finish your confession as you wipe the tears from your eyes. "Thank you, Father."

"Now are you ready to tell me more?" He smiles wide, it's meant to be comforting but it stems from the pride he can't help but feel in his ability to make you trust him so easily. "You've tried praying, but when that fails does this indulgence make your thoughts worse, or do you feel too guilty?"

"Well, I suppose it does both." You answer, no less ashamed of your feelings but much more forthcoming with the details he wants to hear. "When finally I give in the guilt makes it so much more intense, then it's so hard to stop. I do it over and over, sometimes for hours at night."

John holds his breath as every secret is shared, the magnitude of this burden is much more than he even could have imagined in his most sinful fantasies. He wants to be there, to watch you writhe, to make you writhe with pleasure and guilt. For a moment he forgets his purpose, having to remind himself that even if he isn't thinking like one that he is still a priest.

"My child, are you familiar with the concept of penance?" He asks as the most perfect plan comes to mind, it is his duty to help and this will benefit both of you.

"Not really." You answer, though unfamiliar you seem relieved to have the end of your burdens in sight.

Excellent.

"I'm determined to help you through this, for your penance I want you to write down every thought you've ever had about this man." He orders, doing his best not to seem too excited to see the results.

A flicker of doubt flashes in your wide eyes, not in his wisdom but in the practicality of this task. "Every one, Father?"

"Yes, and when you've finished bring them to me so I can absolve you." He adds on, hoping the promise of absolution will make your penance easier to accomplish.

"But, Father, what if someone saw what I wrote? What would they think?" You ask, suddenly sounding much more the innocent virgin John thought you were before this.

"I promise to keep everything you write between us and God." His vow is less for your privacy and more for his safety, but he continues to endanger himself in new ways as his intrusive thoughts get the better of him. "And anytime you ever feel the need to 'indulge' again, you have my number. After you pray about it I want you to call me."

"That might be difficult, you see I've been doing it during the day now too." You tell him, your reluctance born from consideration and kindness he no longer deserved. "I wouldn't want to burden you like that, Father."

John shifts in his seat at this revelation, knowing how desperate you are constantly does the opposite of deter him from this task.

"This is your soul at stake, it's my duty to help you any time of the day or night. This is a burden we will bear together." He reassures you as he does his best to hide the eagerness that burns up his entire body. "Can you do this, my child?"

"Yes, Father." You answer, completely unaware of the path he was leading you down.

"I look forward to hearing from you." Perhaps the only honest thing he had said since the begining of this confession.

He rises from the pew, kissing you gently on the forehead before he leaves and letting his lips linger for just a little longer than they should. Leaving you there in the chapel to contemplate the task you're about to undertake, fully believing it would lead to your absolution. You were so easy to convince, the only thing left was for John to convince himself that this was the right thing and not his own indulgence in the same temptation the woman he was supposed to help had battled.

As the day went on, he almost felt regret, and if he would have dwelled on that any longer he would have called you and put an end to this. One thought occupied the forefront of his mind though, the "holy man" you mentioned. It really could have been any member of the church, but it wasn't so farfetched to think it was a priest, why else would you be feeling so much guilt for natural pleasures instead of just persuing them? If it was a priest then it was likely that it was himself you were thinking of, every time you blushed when he smiled at you suddenly made sense.

It's an intoxicating thought that carries him into the night, imagining being the object of your desires. The innocent crush on your priest turning into something far more serious until it consumes you night and day. There was at least one sin he is committing, though he isn't sure if it's pride in himself or lust for you. If he keeps it in the frame of confession he can continue to believe it was neither and he was only guiding this lost lamb into a better understanding of the desires that plagued her.

The hours seem longer, eventually John finds himself alone with nothing to distract him from these thoughts. Staring at his phone across the room long enough that it had felt like it was staring back and judging him. It isn't too late to rectify this. Of course if he stands by the belief that he hadn't made a mistake there's be no need to correct anything, right?

It's pointless going back and forth with himself like this, he's going to be arguing with no one at all for the rest of the night at this rate. He looks around for something to distract him and the second he does the phone rings, the sound of it rattling his very soul.

He picks up the receiver, his voice hardly sounds like his own as he answers sheepishly. "Hello?"

"Father? I'm sorry to call you so late at night, is this a bad time?" Your voice comes like a siren call from the other end of the line.

"Of course not." He answers perhaps a little too cheerfully, he'll have to make an effort to tone his enthusiasm down as he speaks. "How can I help you, my child?"

"It sounds so silly now that I say this out loud, but I was feeling tempted tonight so I started to write down my thoughs like you told me." You begin to explain, building anticipation with every word.

"It's my duty to guide you through your penance no matter how insignificant your troubles seem." He reassures you, those words aren't entirely wrong; that must be why they twist his heart as he says them in this context. "I'm glad to hear you're taking this so seriously, tell me more."

"Well, it's difficult at night, especially when I'm alone with these thoughts." You continue, a slight shaking in your breath that he can almost feel though the phone. "I think writing them down is making it worse."

"You're tempted to 'indulge' again?" He asks, straight to the point."

"Yes, Father." You admit with a sigh of shame. "I'm so sorry."

John shudders at your admission, for a moment he finds himself at a crossroads. One path where he can offer the guidance that you need, that he is vow bound to give you, the other where he can indulge these new intimidating feelings that are brewing deep in his soul. He was so close to either outcome, knowing he's the first person you think of now when you're filled with temptation. Surely it wouldn't hurt his soul or yours if he asked for details. How else would he help you? How else would he help himself?

"There's no need to aplologize." He tells you, his voice low and soft. "You're not alone anymore, I'm here with you. If it's too difficult to write then you can simply tell me now."

"It's just that... I saw him today and I noticed his lips." You begin, bringing images of when he had kissed your forehead after confession to mind. "I thought about how soft they were, and how they would feel on my skin."

"Go on, the more you tell me the more I can absolve." He promises, dangling salvation in front of you like bait.

"I thought of him kissing me, first on my face, then my body, then up my thighs..." You whisper reluctantly at first but slowly getting more comfortable, every word making your confessors head spin.

John takes the phone over to his bed, exhaling deeply as he lays back. Taking a moment to imagine the feel of your thighs, if you would gasp and sigh like this while being kissed in forbidden places, he even swears he can smell your perfume again. He's drowning in these images, fighting to keep himself afloat.

"You're doing great." He praises, knowing exactly how you blush when he compliments you during the day.

A sharp inhale comes from the other line, an indication his manipulations were working. "I wanted his tongue inside me, I wanted him to make me moan and beg..."

With his eyes closed John relishes the sound of your breath as it grows heavier until he can practically feel it warming his ears from over the phone. Doing his best to ignore the tightness growing in his pants as it throbs to the rhythm of your every sweet gasp.

"I just needed him so bad when I wrote this." You confess as the last remnants of your strength waver. "I wanted to touch myself so bad."

For a moment he considers letting you indulge, though he's having trouble coming up with a good excuse for allowing it. What's left of his conscience is telling him to stop, apologize, hang up the phone, take a cold shower, anything to end this while he can. The coiling heat in the pit of his stomach is telling him, begging him to give permission to give in to both your desires, to have them be forgiven after the fact if they're so wrong.

"You need to ease this burden." He tells you as he reaches for the waistband of his pants, trying to hide the tremble in his voice. "It's alright, go ahead."

"Are you sure, Father? Can I?" You ask with no doubt in your voice, only a desperate need for the permission only he can give.

"On one condition," He adds as an involuntary smile creeps on to his face. "You have to tell me every single thought you have while you indulge."

"Yes, Father." You sigh as the sound of rustling fabric comes over the phone. "I can do that."

The touch of his hand on his own skin burns like sweet hellfire, the kind that would strike fear into his heart and make him stray away from any other temptation but this. When he's finally free from the confines of his pants he inhales sharply, facing his own desires head on. There's no denying it now, there's no way out now.

"What are you thinking?" He asks, his breath heavy and voice low.

"I'm- ugh... I'm thinking of... him. Being here, watching me." You whine your confession, struggling to find the words in your sin clouded mind. "Or listening to me..."

That last part makes him shudder, he lets out a long slow exhale away from the receiver to hide his reaction. "And what would 'he' do if he saw you like that?"

"I don't know, but..." Your answer is cut off by a short moan, followed by a few gasping breaths as you regain your composure. "I would be so embarrased, but I think I would like it."

Once again John can't help but cast himself in the role of this mystery man, he almost wants to demand you say his name, to admit that it was him and you were only fulfilling your exibitionist desires. No, he can get more out of you if he continues to be the devoted priest only interested in your soul. He shudders again at the sinful schemes he only now learns he's capable of crafting.

He pulls his mind away from his intentions and focuses on yours. "Is that what you really want? A witness to your sin?"

"I want it so bad." You concede, your moans mix with what sounds like shameful sobs. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

The picture of you with tears streaming down your face, distraught and begging for both attention and absolution is so vivid he can swear it's happening before his eyes. Here he is witnesing you like you wanted, reducing you to a creature of base desires without even touching you. In every way that matters he is this "holy man" you're dreaming of.

"You have nothing to be sorry for anymore." He holds back his own racing breath to instruct you. "Purge these desires as soon as they come."

Wet slopping sounds can be heard over the phone, your moans shift into a higher key before you simply state. "I want more."

The guise of confession is nearly completely stripped away, John can hardly pretend to be the concerned and doting priest as the images conjured up in his head get even more depraved. As he grips the very instrument of his sin tighter he tilts his head up and mouths a silent prayer of forgiveness to the one he hopes isn't watching now.

"You need this, release your burden." He encourages, both you and himself.

"I want him inside me!" You whine, completely undignified as you pour your heart and soul out over the line.

"Good, good..." He pants, your sins merge, making him as much of your victim as you are his. "Tell me all of it."

You immediately obey him without a second thought. "I want him to make me cum... I want him to cum too..."

John groans audibly as your confession gets more and more intense, what's left of his composure is dissolving with every detail revealed. He knows if he were there he could give the real thing to you, and he would let your moans and pleas drag him straight to hell. His hand now seems like a poor alternative to willing body, but he pumps it faster as he chases those forbidden thoughts.

He swallows before simply asking. "Where?"

"Inside me, all over me, anywhere!" You scream deliriously, making it more and more obvious that you're close to the absolution you seek.

With a few whispered curses John lets the images flood his mind, trying to control his movements so he doesn't act that fantasy before you do.

"Ah! I'm almost- Oh! Father!" You call out to him as you fill the receiver with sweet moans he never could have imagined in his most depraved moments.

He waits for the gasps and wet noises to come to a complete halt before he absolves you, but they never stop.

"Are you still there?" He asks with a hint of confusion, waiting with heavy bated breath.

"I made such a mess... if he were here he could clean it up with his tongue..." You tell him with such shameless detail, the confession was not over.

His mouth waters at that thought as he draws in a sharp shaking breath, unable to draw the line between his perverted thoughts and his controlled act he blurts out. "Let your own tongue carry his burden then."

The heavy moans on the other line are muffled, leading John to believe you were licking the sin off your fingers this very moment. He swallows hard and grips his cock tighter with his now shaking hand as he listens closeer.

"More, I want more." You groan desperately into the phone, continuing to indulge.

He sighs your name along with a a few quiet curses. "Is there no end to your cravings?"

"I'm sorry, it just feels so good, I can't stop." You explain, or more accurately whimper.

John can barely hide how he gives in to his own shameful desires, unintentionally letting out noises he had never heard himself make before while he brazenly fucks his own hand. The bed creaks as his hips buck up into the tight grip of his fist, he lulls his head back and wishes it was you.

"Father! Father!" You scream as your second orgasm erupts, loud enough it practically echos through his own bedroom.

"Yes!" He shouts as you both reach the heights of absolute depravity together.

The tension in his body snaps as the sin covers his fingers, he continues to stroke himself until he's too soft and sensitive to indulge anymore. He lays his head back and waits for the weight in his chest to be lifted, but it only weighs heavier with every burst of sacrilegious release.

There is a long pause before either of you speak, it's difficult to find the words, or any words whatsoever. As soon as your breath slows it speeds up again in a panicked realization of what you had done.

"I'm so sorry, I know I should learn to control myself better, I'm so ashamed-" You babble on a long list of regrets that John is far too dazed to listen to now.

"It's alright, it's alright. You're forgiven." He cuts off your hysterical apologies, as soon as the words leave his mouth he feels something twist in the pit of his stomach.

"Thank you, Father." You let out a sigh of relief as you slowly begin to calm down

"Are you going to be okay now?" He asks, showing scraps of genuine compassion he was surprised to find remaining among his selfish desires.

"Yes, Father." You answer, the serenity that comes with absolution apparent in your voice.

He smiles when he hears your reply, finding some solace in the fact that he was able to help in some small way in spite of everything. "Well then, it's getting late. I'll see you on Sunday?"

"Of course." You whisper into the phone before hanging up, the soft words sound like they were meant for a lover and not a man of the cloth. "Goodnight."

When the call ends John holds the phone to his heaving chest, his heart pounding as he sits in silence for what seems like eons with the weight of his actions pressing down on him. He can hardly move just laying there soaking in the stains of his sin, both reveling in the satisfaction and fearing the inevitable consequences.

There were so many times tonight when he could have ended it, so many times this morning when he could have kept this from happening at all. He didn't even know where to begin asking for forgiveness or if he was even sorry.

Sunday. The day couldn't come soon enough and yet it was creeping up on him along with a looming sense of dread knowing he would fail this test of faith again; and again if the opportunity arose. Something dark in his soul hoped that he would get that chance to sin again.

Sleep does not come easily to him that night.

John's dreams are haunted by the vision of a woman, her voice is smooth as she calls out to him, her soft skin burns to the touch but he can't pull his hands away and lets them sear in her embrace. Even in places he had never been touched before the feel of her fingers and her body pressed tightly against his was so real, in such stark contrast to the ever changing fog of the surrounding dream.

Whispering things he had never said, please, more, more. Moving his body in ways he had never tried grinding, writhing, thrusting. It was both liberating and damning, the only other feeling was the sensation of falling, faster and faster even while he was held so tightly. His eyes jolt open when he hits the ground he can't see.

When his body jerks John is thrust into the waking world all at once, longing for a fraction of the warmth he felt seconds ago. His skin is cold, covered in sweat, there's another wetness soaking into the sheets and rapidly cooling under his body.

Grinding his hips forward in a motion he realizes he must have been doing all through his dreams he feels the remnants of desire he did not expect to follow him into the waking world. With an unsteady hand he lifts the covers to inspect the sensation, finding his pants, sheets and even the bottom of his shirt to be marked with several stains made through the night in various stages of drying.

John lets out a shaking gasp as he rolls forward once again, rutting into the soiled mattress and using it as a substitute for the woman in his dream that he now recognizes. He calls her name much quieter than she had called him the night before, whimpering into his pillow like a plea for mercy.

As he reaches into his pajama bottoms he feels the effects of his sin and his cock throbbing for attention, he must have came two or three times in the night and he's still hard as a rock. His face grows hot and he curls up as if to hide while he strokes himself, though there isn't a soul here to witness his indulgence.

It is the shame that makes it more intense, the guilt even more so. Now that John knew you told the truth about this temptation and he had led you again down that path the guilt eats him alive, and he had never felt anything more heavenly. Every little moan he lets out is something between a gasp in surpise at the sensations he feels and a whine of embarrassment as he pumps his fist faster and faster.

The feeling of corruption fills his body and seeps into his bones, it courses through his veins and makes his heart beat like a doom drum, it clouds his mind and stains his very soul like the sheets he's about to ruin completely.

All these conflicting feelings chase each other around like a whirlwind while John races toward the peak of his indulgence, the guilt and the shame follow him wherever his filthy thoughts wander. He thinks of a circle of hell described by Dante meant for those consumed by lust. He thinks of being damned there together with you. He thinks of you. He shudders.

The morning light begins to shine in his room, gently greeting him like an old friend. Staring at the rays of sunlight coming through the window and feeling the full weight of the bags that have formed under his eyes, John is silent in mind and body. There are no racing thoughts, not images of the forbidden, only an all encompassing shame.

His tired gaze turns to the cross hanging above his bed and the feeling grows worse. It's not the image of pure holiness that makes him ashamed, only how near it is. He knows he's not beyond forgiveness, not even now, he just lacks the will to reach out and take it.

John slowly pulls the covers over his body until he can't see it and hides himself between the stained sheets until he finds the will again.

[nicoline1998enilocin]

List 2, Number 34 with RDJ pleaseeeee. I live for a jealous Robert

Sparks Of Jealousy

PAIRING || Robert Downey Jr. x Actress!Fem!Reader

WORDCOUNT || ~ 900 words

SUMMARY || Having played love interests in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, your feelings for Robert have extended beyond the screen. These emotions surface at his 4th of July celebration, and you can't help but wish you had confessed your love sooner, as you know you could have shared a beautiful life with him for a few years now.

RATING || Mature (M)

TAGS || RPF. Mutual pining. Idiots in love. Jealous!RDJ. Implied smut.

A/N || This drabble is part of Nicoline's Summer of Drabbles. I want to show my endless gratitude to the amazing @ccbsrmsf1 for helping me devise a plan for this! Because of you, this has become what it is now, and I could not have done it without you! Eu te amo, bestie 🤍

Photo: Source || Other graphics are made by @nicoline1998enilocin

Main Masterlist || Robert Downey Jr. || Summer of Drabbles

It's a beautiful summer day as you drive to your best friend Robert's house, where he's throwing his annual 4th of July party. Armed with your bathing suit and some snacks, you're looking forward to seeing him again, though the butterflies in your stomach are also fluttering wildly at the thought of seeing him again.

Since you two met during the filming of the first Iron Man movie - where you played the role of his assistant and eventual love interest, Pepper Potts - your chemistry has been undeniable, and over time, it has grown to love for you both, but you're both afraid to confess - though that won't last long. Because what neither of you knows is that the universe has other plans today

The moment you get out of the car and walk into Robert's large garden, you're first greeted by Montgomery and D'Artagnan, as they have also grown particularly close to you, their purring and soft fur constantly warming your heart as soon as they come to ask for some pets.

"I'm happy to see they have found their favorite human again," Robert jokes as he walks over to you. You look up at him with a smile, your heart beating faster as you see his shirtless muscles beautifully displayed today. His large smile makes you feel weak in your knees as he crouches next to you and the cats, petting them as well.

"And I'm happy they still want to see me after I haven't visited in a hot minute," you say shyly now that he's so close to you, and Robert chuckles. You both have had conflicting schedules, but you're happy they lined up for once, and you can be here for his 4th of July party.

"Well, I'm also happy to see you again, Gorgeous," he says, and you feel a warmth rapidly spreading through your cheeks at his words. You meet his gaze with a shy smile, and this time, the butterflies in his stomach are going wild.

Once Robert's cats have had enough attention, he grabs your hand. He pulls you towards the crowd of people - more specifically, your old Marvel co-stars, many of whom you haven't seen in a few years, so it's the perfect opportunity to catch up with them and talk about their latest projects and your own.

As the evening progresses, Robert gets you and himself something to drink, and you're wrapped up in conversation with one of your good friends, Sebastian, as he walks back. However, his timing isn't the best, as he only hears half the conversation, and his blood is boiling at what he hears.

"What do you think? Will you have dinner with me once we're both in New York? I missed you, and it would be nice to catch up," is all Sebastian can say before Robert excuses you and he gently pulls you inside his house for some much-needed privacy.

Once inside, you're looking at Robert confusedly, trying to piece together what's going on. You were having a friendly talk with Sebastian when you got pulled away, but it's not making sense yet.

"I- ugh! You don't understand how angry I am right now!" Robert says through gritted teeth, as he's unsure how to express his feelings adequately. Usually, he's a magician with words, but now he's stunned to silence at the thought of someone asking you out when it should be him doing that.

"May I ask what you're angry about? Is it something I did?" you ask him, your voice growing smaller as you near the end of your sentence, and your brows are pulled together as a wave of anxiety washes over you.

"No, no! It's not you, Gorgeous! It's- Seeing you with him, and- And him asking you out," Robert says as he paces back and forth, which is when it suddenly clicks in your head.

"Wait, are you... jealous? Sebastian asked if I would go and have dinner with him as friends. Oh my god, I'm so stupid! No, there's nothing to worry about because the only one I have eyes for is you, Robert. It's you I'm interested in and in love with!"

Before you can comprehend what's happening, Robert approaches you, his hands cupping your cheeks as his lips descend on yours. The fireworks outside go off as if on cue, making it even more special. All the excitement outside is long forgotten as the two of you are lost in your bubble, and your feelings have finally been revealed.

The moment Robert pulls away, you already miss his lips on yours, but what he says next is enough to set your heart on fire:

"I love you too, Gorgeous. I'm sorry it took me this long to admit, but I'm happy you finally know, as I cannot live without you for another second," he whispers before capturing your lips again, making you smile into the kiss.

That night, once everyone is gone, Robert takes the utmost care of you as he takes his time to make you fall apart on his tongue, fingers, and cock until the sun comes up the next day, making you feel like a queen in the process. Last night was the first of many, and you can't wait to see where the rest of your lives will take you both, but you know that as long as you're by Robert's side, it can only get better every single day.

[1waveshortofashipwreck]

when you get this, answer with five mutuals you love and why! then send to five other people <3

I know what you're thinking... am I really going to tag 15 moots because I got this ask 3 times? The answer is fUCK YEAH

@dontirrigateme I'm gonna start with the one who started it all for me!! Thank you for being the one that got me into BoB and obsessing over them with me all the time 😂 you're honestly an amazing human being and I am so SO grateful I get to call you my sibling!!!

@executethyself35 ALEXI!!!! One of my number one supporters and only one I'm ok sharing Luz with!! You're an amazing human being and I love your chaotic energy 🤣

@ewipandora Ewi !!!!!!!! We don't talk enough but that doesn't mean you're not one of my fav moots to see around!!! You honestly seem like such a kind and sweet persoN WE NEED TO TALK MORE!!!!

@ithinkabouttzu Maaaaacccc!!!! I love getting to talk to you and your writing is INCREDIBLE!!! You are always so kind and encouraging and you mean the world to me!!!

@ronsparky Jess you lovely human!!! I know we don't talk a lot but seeing you in my notes always makes me smile!! Thank you for being my moot and always being so kind and supportive!!

@love--persevering VASILISA YOU GORGEOUS HUMAN!!!!!! I know we don't talk too much but it always means the world to me whenever I see your name pop up!! Thank you for always being so encouraging and kind and lovely and everything in between !!!!

@ronald-speirs MARINE!!!! We've just started talking more and I'm so glad we have!!!! You are so incredibly kind, uplifting, warm, and just all around a wonderful person!! Thank you for being my moot and I can't wait to talk to you more!!

@thicccqueyoongimin Laraaaaaaaaa!!!!! I will never forget reading your ship request and thinking "did I write this in my sleep" 🤣 I love how alike we are and how much we just vibe!!! Thank you for understanding me and my/our obsession with Winters and Liebgott 😝💖

@panzershrike-pretz PRETZ MY BELOVED!!!! You were the first person in the fandom I actually traded discords with so we could talk more!!! Thank you for always having amazing chaotic energy and also your ocs are always so cool and intricate!!!!! You're an incredibly kind and lovely human and I'm so grateful we're moots!!!!

@blueberry-ovaries Mads!!! I know we don't talk a lot but it always makes my heart happy to see you pop on my dash and in my notes!!!! You always have something nice to say and your charts/rankings give me life 🤣💕

@xxluckystrike BLU!!!!! You were one of the first people I wrote a request for!!! We don't talk a lot but we need to talk more!! You are such a kind and lovely person and it always makes me smile when I see your name pop up ❤️✨

@sweetxvanixlla Vani!!!!! I think you were the first person in the fandom to tag me in something like a tag or ask game!! I know it's silly but that first time being included just meant the world to me, thank you for being such a kind and lovely human and including me that first time 💖

@neptunes-blue Aaaaaaa my HBO War Secret Santa!!! The Winters art you made was ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE!!!!!! Thank you so much for being my moot and creating art that is just STUNNING 🥰💕❤️✨

@b00ks1ut Rachel!!! I know we don't talk a lot but seeing your name in my notes always makes me smile!!! thank you for always being kind and encouraging!! We need to talk more ❤️❤️

@hanniewinnix Ok so this is gonna be really silly but I will never forget posting the first chapter of Should've Been Born Later Nix and seeing that you reblogged it with a tag llike OMNOMNOM like it honestly made my day and just meant the world to me!!!! Thank you for always being so sweet and supportive love!!! We gotta talk more!!!!!!

Aaaaaaa I feel like I repeated a lot of adjectives but truly y'all are the kindest, sweetest, most supportive and encouraging people I've ever talked to and even if we don't talk/don't talk a lot please know I love you sosososososo much and my messages are ALWAYS open!!! 💖❤️💕🥰💝

[koyangii]

2023 - The year of Japanese BLs (My 2023 BL wrapped)

After plenty of good BL releases in 2022, I was hoping 2023 would keep the pace and give us even better content. However, I turned out to be very disappointed. In my opinion, the majority of the shows were blank, superficial and had really bad script and bad acting, so there were very few of them I've managed to finish, mostly Japanese ones.

One thing that really draws me towards Japanese productions is that the stories are believable and portrayed in a natural way. Even when the acting has big "anime" reactions, they usually fit in the context. Kieta Hatsukoi, for instance, explores this type of reactions very well and they don't feel cringe at all, unlike most Thai BLs and some Korean ones as well.

Nationalities apart, there's an obvious gold rush that is happening in the BL industry. A lot of companies realized that BL does make profit and are producing a lot of shows, poorly written, poorly casted, but that's ok since people are still consuming for the skinship, right? There's a public for that, so why invest in good, but a little more expensive stories?

Anyway, this is my opinion of course, as a regular consumer of the genre, and I can't help to be disappointed. But enough of the complaining, right? Let's go to the list of my 2023 favorites!

Top 3:

The eight sense

This BL has entered my list of all-time favorites. Fresh and mature, the chemistry between the leads is amazing. Jihyun's innocent approach to life contrasts really well with Jaewon's harsh perspective and I love the way both of them bond while helping each other to evolve. The feeling of the show reminds me a bit of Skam, another all-time favorite, and I found out that it really was one of the materials they used for inspiration. If you haven't watched it yet, stop everything you're doing and go watch The eighth sense right now.

2. If it's with you

I loved this show so much! The manga adaptation was beautifully done, they really paid attention to the details. It's a very sweet, heart-warming and honest story. There's no "instant love”: the relationship between them is built little by little, through sincere conversations and empathy. The series invites you to be more honest with yourself and to not be afraid of showing your true self. 

3. My Beautiful Man 2 and My Beautiful Man: Eternal

Well, it's somehow funny that I put this BL on the list, because I hated the first season of My Beautiful Man. However, the second season and the movie explore the motives behind the characters' actions in a deeper way, so the viewer can better understand the relationship dynamic. One thing that I really like about this story is that, although there is a worship behavior from Hira towards Kiyoi, Hira's life is not all about Kiyoi. In the same way, despite the fact that Kiyoi enjoys to be worshiped, he's also unsure about Hira's feelings: does Hira love the perfect, godlike image of Kiyoi he created inside his head or does he love the true Kiyoi, the human being with flaws?

Honorable mentions:

Our Dining Table

A great slow-burn which approaches the fact that true family is the one you choose, so sweet that almost made me die of too much cuteness.

I Can't Reach You

A very sweet friends-to-lovers story, which is now on Netflix!

Love Tractor

A fresh and funny countryside love story. I just love how Yechan is so hyped when it comes to Seonyul. This man must be kept in a jar, protected from all the badness in the world.

Conclusion

Well, although I believe 2023 wasn't the best year for BLs, it did give us some true gems, more productions and more visibility. I've seen news about Kdrama actors working on BL projects that will be released in 2024, so I guess we're having some next-level good content this year.

So that was it for this BL wrapped. I hope you all had great holidays and that 2024 will be full of blessings to all of us! Bye, bye!

[therhythmafterthesummer]

Hello you! I’m new to your ~lore~ and I noticed you like talking about your characters (which is vvv cute btw!) so I was wondering what are some complications that pretty and Chris face within the relation?? Since she’s human? This is my first werewolf au so bare with me but when I started it I thought “they’re never gonna have sex” bc I thought it’d be too… difficult for the human.. but yeah that’s just a example I also mean non sexual stuff if there is any!! Mwah

warms my heart that you think it's cute and not annoying as hell sidfnsikjdfn i can imagine it might be for some people.

i really do love talking about these things! so much so, i'm gonna have to put a cut here because damn, this got a bit long.

so, here's what i think:

when it comes to complications in a werewolf x human relationship like pretty and chris'... in their case specifically, the mechanics of sex isn't a problem. their bodies are highly compatible. what could potentially be a problem would be chris' supernatural strength. he definitely could hurt pretty if he let's go of himself a bit too much, but i think that on a subconscious level he's so attuned to her it's very unlikely that something like that could happen.

i feel like the biggest problems could come more in the emotional/social department. the pace at which werewolf x werewolf relationships develop isn't the same as it'd be in a werewolf x human one. chris was ready for anything almost as soon as they got together, i'm pretty sure. marriage, mating, puppies, anything. he was absolutely ready to settle down because that's just how werewolves are. 0 chill when it comes to these things. whereas pretty is just a human. we're more complex in that department, i fear.

so at the beginning of their relationship he was probably restraining himself a lot (we've seen it in some drabbles and such. like the mirror one... man was going through it).

then there's also the fact that, as an alpha werewolf (and THE alpha of the pack), there's this unspoken thing that what he says is gospel (even when he tries his best to not fall too much into this dynamic). even though pretty is a member of the pack and is affected by his status to some degree, her being human means there's more mental resistance when it comes to any "order" he might give that she disagrees with. if they don't communicate well, their arguments could be monumental (kinda like what happened in afraid to lose you).

oh, and his possessiveness... that could also get pretty complicated (not to say toxic) if he doesn't make the conscious effort to not let it get the best of him. pretty would also have to learn to understand these things, some times he might get very uncomfortable if she's too close to another male/alpha or he might want her to do things a certain way. just like chris tries his best to be rational, pretty also tries her best to accommodate his instinctual needs (within her boundaries, of course). again, communication is key.

there's probably also the whole societal thing when it comes to a hybrid relationship like this one. some werewolves would probably think chris is crazy for "lowering" his standards like this (their words, not mine!) instead of finding himself a pliant omega to mate with. this is something we know affects pretty to some level, making her insecure that she might not be enough and such. but chris couldn't care less, honestly. that's his prettiest, she's perfect as is.

that's all i can think about right now! feel free to let me know if i'm not making any sense or if i should clarify something further. i tried my best sjkdhfkjsdf

[gayelectro]

Earthspark liveblog episode 9/10

Absolutely loving the camera work in this episode so far. The fight choreography and shots are looking fabulous. Very dramatic.

Not sure if the way they depict Skywarp's power is the most seizure friendly...

DAAAAAMN THIS FIGHT WENT HARD.

Overall I'm actually growing to like Megatron's voice (I didn't like it from the previews I'd seen) but sometimes he'll have a slew of dialogue where it's like "literally what is this accent that he's shooting for". People say it's Scottish, but I have never heard somebody with this Scottish accent.

Wilhelm scream

Dot punching Mandroid in the face was awesome.

Dot is the best, every line from her in this episode is just *chef's kiss*

Man, I dunno what it is, but I just cannot muster it in me to give a fuck about this Mandroid plot. So far, this show just works better for me when it's about the Maltos. I know I'm boned, since it looks like he's gonna be the central antagonist, but it's like... I do not care at all.

"I wish to rid this world of all violent beings" well we know the Cybertronian solution to that problem, now don't we?

Not to be that guy on main, but Megatron laughing smugly while tied up in bondage...

Dot is so cool. Like she's kind of everything (and MORE) that I wanted out of June Darby and Agent Fowler.

"YOU GOT THE TOUCH" REFERENCE 🎉🎉🎉

"BACK FROM THE DEAD WITH A MIDLIFE CRISIS ALT-MODE" HEEEEEEELP SHE WENT FOR HIS ASS COMPLETELY UNPROMPTED

Okay, this has been nagging me the entire show... The arachnibots look more like ticks than spiders. They keep insisting they're spiders, but they're shaped exactly like ticks. The extra eyes aren't enough to sell me! Ticks are still arachnids! You can call them arachnibots but admit that they're ticks!

NIGHTSHADE NIGHTSHADE IS HERE OH MY GOD

Tit missiles. Nice.

"I didn't have a word for my name, just a feeling" I like the exploration of that in this show, I know this is gonna be a reoccurring theme.

NIGHTSHAAAAAAADE

I honestly have seen nothing about Hashtag and Jawbreaker but I already love them. All these Terran babies are so precious. I would protect them with my life.

NIGHTSHADE PICKING THE OWL BOBBLEHEAD IS SUCH CUTE FORESHADOWING OMG

Yeah, Nightshade is just filling my heart with such joy. It's the way they made that face as they could tell Optimus was confused on how to refer to them. It's how Mo looked at them with understanding and stood up to say their feelings out loud. It just about made me break out into happy tears when Optimus Prime so readily accepted and then immediately started actively using their proper pronouns in a sentence. God, after all this time, seeing a Cybertronian that's like me just warms my heart.

Okay Tudyk definitely slipped into his Clayface voice for most of his explanation of the plan. I swear, this show would be helped out a lot if actors could have some more takes at lines. He is an amazing and varied voice actor! But I'm not feeling it.

Nice purple rain reference

Love when we get shots of bots safely catching a human while transforming, that's a cool thing we've seemed to get more of as we get more CG animated media.

Dot and Alex are so sweet. I love their marriage. It's easy to see how much they really love each other.

Wow I love that Mandroid definitely 100% died there and we're never going to see him again and there's no way he will come back and--

Oh my GOD Dot is such a good mom.

[your-sweet-cookies]

Figured I'd message here instead of DMs, so whoever the fuck the anon is can read this. No one else is annoyed by Kukki but you. No one is being forced to write with either the mun or the muse, and no one writing with this lovely, wonderful human being is preventing them from writing with you. Though if your attitude is anywhere near as bad as it is in these anon messages, I'm not surprised you have to blame someone else for the fact people don't want to write with you.

I, personally, share a shit ton of memes. Why? Because I want people to send them. I always reiterate how people are welcome to send me as many memes as they wish, and I know I'm not the only one. If you want to write with someone, maybe stop hiding behind a grey face, and send the meme yourself. We're all constantly posting them, pretty much everyone in this fandom is nice, and they're great ice breakers.

Stop coming at Kukki, both as a writer and her character just because you're feeling self-conscious and jealous. If you don't like her, block her.

Kukki's writer, and the character herself, are amazing, wonderful, and sweet, and I'm honoured to write with them. So by all means, fuck off.

((I love you. I figured since they're sending you the anons, it'd actually be more likely for them to see it if I sent it to your Ask, instead of posting it on my own blog. If you need anything, DM me, babes <3 <3 <3)

Message from Mun: Gosh, seeing this message pop up in my inbox really warmed up my heart! It means a lot to me to see that people like me and Kukki! <3 Thank you sweetheart, you are truly an amazing friend and person and I am truly grateful for your support! Ily! 💗

I also appreciate everyone else who reached out to me to show their love and encouragement for Kukki! <3 You are all such amazing and wonderful people that I can't even begin to describe in words how much each and every single one of you means to me! 🥹

As for the hateful anons, I just hope they'll find their inner peace one day and happiness. Being like that really won't help or improve their life and I just wish they'd understand that too. But if they want to block me, it's okay, I can understand if my writing isn't to everyone's liking and it's totally fine. I am not leaving anywhere and neither is Kukki. I still have plans and stuff I want to do in this wonderful fandom and community, so I am here to stay. One or two grumpy grey faces won't be enough to make me want to abandon everything I built and the people I love! X3

[arobinwithoutbatman]

@babydxhl continued from [x]

Freeze was having one of his moments again and the problem with that was the after effects took forever to deal with. It didn't help that a natural winter was just around the corner anyway. On the brightside, Robin had already switched to his winter so the fleece linings in his suit were keeping him plenty warm as he wandered the warehouse with Mary. Mostly making sure no one had been missed and triple checking for any gear that might have been left behind.

"You can absolutely ask, I'm not gonna stop a grown woman's curiosity." He replied with a small shrug, gloved fingers flicking at the corner of an ice sculpture that was probably a chair at one point.

It was odd, this rapport he'd built with the gangster. Not exactly harmonious nor were they particularly close, honestly he had a feeling she would either get furious or concerned if she ever found out he was only sixteen, but their conversations flowed. They had their calm moments. No fighting or attempts at interrogating, just conversations about things the other innately understood.

A product of them both being raised in rich families.

They knew the social dance that was rich people conversation and gossip though Mary's steps were effortless and beautiful, every word perfectly chosen, each sentence masterfully crafted while he had chosen to lean into the rumours of being a bit of a recluse because he still would end up with his foot in his mouth. Both recognised the double speak even if he had to work a little harder to parse it. Both highly intelligent with very different views on the world: hers utterly but understandably cynical, his optimism having been jaded and tamed into realism.

"I have a lot of opinions on a lot of people. But if we're talking about you specifically... lots of complicated feelings and opinions." He folded his arms, leaning against a patch of wall that wasn't totally covered in ice. "Empathy, mostly. High society doesn't look kindly on those who are different especially when it's obvious. But also a lot of anger because you're clearly an intelligent woman and if Arkham had treated you like a human being, if the medical profession in general had treated you like a human being, you might not be here. You could be talking half of the elite into finishing the programs the late Bruce Wayne started." He paused, head tilted as he considered something. "Or running the Court of Owls."

They'd take her in a heart beat. As far as he was aware, they'd never tried to bring Mary into their ranks. Probably because of how unreliable she could be as an asset. She'd be vicious enough for it though. Probably dote on a little army of Talons.

"Was that all or did you want to pick my brain about your colleagues, friends and enemies?"

[authenticleviackerman]

I remember the first time that I laid my eyes on you. I thought that you were the most beautiful being on the planet. You had a slim, soft face with a button nose and big, warm brown eyes. It was the first time that I had felt love. That unknown feeling, which did cause me some anxiety as the love felt...forbidden. after all, I was expected to love men. When you first kiss me I was in a classroom full of people who didnt know about me, and I started feeling sick with worry.

I thought that I had misinterpreted my love for you for something else, but now I know that it was love, a true one, or at least more honest than the one I thought I felt for the boy who loved a version of me that I wasn't. Soon after that, you began seeing me. You struggled with your mental help and knowing how it all feels, I desperately wanted to help. You loved me despite the fact that I was disabled. I couldn't sleep and felt sick often, so I wanted to give it back.

I wanted to make you smile, give you something that would be a reason for you to get out of bed. You said you loved stars, so I wanted to go out with you and see them.

You often talked about ending your life, which made my heart stop, for just a moment. I couldn't stomach the mere thought of losing you like that, to never be able to gaze at your face again. Never hold your warm, soft hand, or feel your lips against mine, let you and I become one, for just a moment.

After some time, things got worse for you. I so desperately wanted to help. You told me how meds and doctors never worked, but I still wanted to help, after all, who would of they can't?

But what can a disabled man do? I struggle to get out of bed, I was so afraid of everything, including things I could not name. My parents told me to stop crying when I was a kid, and since I was sick, crying about literally everything, now I struggle to express my feelings. Yet, you told me how I did not understand.

You see, nobody can ever understand everyone completely. We're unique beings, with different feelings and personal histories, core moments which shaped who we are as members of this complex society. I told you this over and over, how no pain will ever be identical to another, yet you got angry, for which I felt very sorry.

I thought it would be better if I just didn't say anything much, so I did. You told me that something was wrong, and you could feel it. I did too, but I wanted to tell you later, because I had a gift I wanted to give you, before things fell apart.

However, you said that things had to end, and I knew you were right. I still couldn't help myself but cry. There were so many things I wanted to do with you, if only we had the time. If only I could help you enough to make you smile about more things than just intimate touch. You made me feel love for life, but Iacked the means to show you the same sight.

Now, months have passed, you moved on, got back with your ex, broke up, found a new lover. I didn't however, as you made me feel love for the first time ever. Now looking in the mirror, I doubt anyone could love someone who doesn't love himself at all.

But, after all this time, I know I loved you. You gave me the opportunity to feel like a real human, and I hope I can thank you for that one day. I just hope that I was able to make you feel like that as well, at least once.

[anemia-rp]

Yeah I’ve heard that a few times,if you’re worried about having a bad impression then you probably don’t.You’re probably right,deep down even the coldest people have to have a heart.

It’s a power struggle,and not the fun kind.That’s true people like to suppress those that they want to keep weaker than them.You really think so?

A work place?For the jewelry you make,or for everything you do?There are some things you can’t really understand what it’s like even if you can explain it.

Oh I understand that,I’ve been attracted to people for the wrong reason before…which is why I ended up in not good relationships.

Oh,I really do like them…but if I like someone enough I can be okay with not cuddling too much.I really only need them during bad times or if I’m not feeling well.

Yeah sorry,I like talking to you so you’re not scary anymore.

Oh like both of those too!I really like all the butterflies in Corpse Bride.It’s been a while since I’ve seen it,but I mostly remember the butterflies.Oh you do?How?

And some of the people who seem to have a warm heart can turn cold as well sometimes I guess. Or hide their bad traits behind a charming facade. I'm always skeptic that's why, especially when someone seems /too/ nice.

From what I can tell, yeah, there's quite some strength within you and maturity, too. Something many men lack, even if they're almost thirty. If you're just brave enough you could kick all their asses.

The jewellery and the fashion is something I create at home, just like I mostly do remixes on my laptop there. What else I do is actually top secret because humans would consider most of it as illegal, but let's say the mansion is for experiments, for office businesses and…for hosting business partners. You can imagine now what you will.

Some people mistake love for dependence I guess. It's not the fault of the victim though. It's a good feeling after all, having someone who can't live without you and who you have basically in your hands. Finding delight in stuff like that is one thing, but acting out on it is another.

Guess we all have our things we need when we're not feeling well. I'm mostly someone who wants to be left alone until I feel better. Prevents me from causing harm, too. It can get really bad when I'm pissed.

Yeah, okay, then I gotta live with being unscary I guess. Just wondering what you'd say if you'd saw my weapons. If you wouldn't get some goosebumps at least.

Damn pretty and sad, huh? The best things are probably a little sad. Like Jack Skellington I'm fancied by a lot of people but I feel as if not many really understand me and tend to being depressed when I don't get new challenges. And I have troubles letting others helping me. Mostly because I always think I get disappointed then since I only can rely on myself.

[juliathesuccubus]

A Black Rose

…My head…

…Fuck, it's like someone took a sledge hammer to it… My body is sore all over…

…Where the hell am I? This isn't my apartment or Grillby's loft…

As I sat up, I took a look around my surrounds to just… Gather my bearings if I'm even using that phrase correctly. Silk satin sheets, a bed bigger than a California King, and just a beautiful hotel room overall that I could never afford.

Shit. A hotel room? Wait…

…Yep. Naked as a jay bird—what the fuck and who the fuck did I do?! I just… i just blindly gave away my virginity just like that?! God, Julia, you fucking idiot! Who did…?

...Wait, I remember...

I was getting drunk off my ass last night and the skeleton monster I met was trying to cheer me up, telling bad puns left and right and my dumbass started firing back a few puns and flirts right back, cuz, hell, my inhibitions are all gone and I'm three sheets to the wind, so... Why not shoot my shot with a cute monster?

Shit, what else...?

Kissing...

Teeth pressing and rubbing against my lips...

The cold bricks pressing and rubbing against my back...

Warm bones pressing into the fat of my thighs, squeezing my breasts... It was like they wanted to touch as much of my flesh as they could; as if I could just disappear the moment they let go...

Their bones, cold, but oddly warm... The texture felt so different... rough and smooth... The texture of their magic on my tongue popped and fizzled like pop rocks or zotz fizz candy... The taste of whiskey and... apples...

It was hot...

It was too hot...

I wanted more and... I didn't care... I was like something deep inside me just didn't want to stop and I needed him and he needed me...

It felt like a blur... My body weightless and the void of everything until my body landed on something soft below me and above... That same skeleton monster. He looked at me in such a way I don't think I've ever seen before... Do skeleton monster's eye... lights??? Do they change depending on mood? They looked like a bright blue for a moment there... Maybe it was a drunken imagination...

God... We had sex, didn't we...?

How is that possible with a skeleton? Then again, if one could french kiss a skeleton, then it's probably possible to do the deed.

His eyelights were so beautiful... Like a galaxy... His bones were so pretty... We held hands and clung to each other... Nothing else mattered except us...

Well, what a way for one to lose their virginity. A one night stand. I'll probably never see that guy again... But it did feel nice to feel wanted, even if we were drunk.

Huh? A note with a... black rose?

"Until we meet again, starlight."

Damn, that... I think I felt my heart flutter. Maybe he's just being sweet. Time to do my first walk of shame and get to job hunting and trying to figure out my life before I become homeless, I guess...

--

The walk back home was... weird. I always had an anxiety and paranoia mixed cocktail of feelings being out in the open. Feeling like all eye would be on me. But today, it literally felt like people were freaking staring at me--mainly monsters. The area I stay at is mostly monster populated, and while I understand that some monsters were wary of humans, they never stared at me like they are today. It felt weird...

Looks of concern

Looks of digust

Looks of... Curiousity?

Why were they staring at me? I made sure to shower and look presentable like I totally didn't get my back blown out and didn't smell like I did, so why...?

Making it to my apartment building, I crossed paths with one of my neighbors--a dog monster named Eve. She lived here with her husband and their big litter of pups. We aren't friends, but we're friendly enough to where if they needed help, I'd try to do my best.

"Oh, Ms. Julia! Are you... Okay? I got worried when you didn't come home last night. I didn't hear you playing you Law & Order show you like to watch." She made a face, looking at me before speaking again, "Did you... Stay with Grillby? I know you two are close."

"No, no, it's not like that. Grillby and I are just friends. I just got drunk and... Yeah. No, no, I'm fine. Is something wrong? You're making a face..."

"I'm alright, don't worry about me, just... Take care of yourself, alright? I'm right across the hall if you need anything, okay?" Eve have a have smile before taking the elevator.

Weird, but... Okay. Guess she's just being a mom and worried about me.

--

The next couple of... Fuck, days? Weeks? My mind is all muddled. I'm always so tired. I'm so drained... I almost collapsed grocery shopping and I barely wanna eat anymore. It like a piece of me is missing and I dunno why? Maybe it's stress from the job hunt or maybe trying to keep on top of my bills?

I tried to go to Grillby's to take my mind off things and vent, but he refused to serve me anything alcoholic, but made some food for me and just pointed at the bottled water since he doesn't touch the stuff himself. The food was... Very overpowering, but Grillby just told me to try and eat as much as I could anyway to keep my energy up. He just looked worried and wondered how I've been since that one night. After some chatting, he wondered how long I've been feeling crappy and recommended I go to the doctor nearby for a check up and medicine.

A pain in my ass and wallet, but...

The first doctor had no idea what was wrong, and just played it up to stress and to make sure I keep on top of my iron supplements so my anemia wouldn't act up again.

"Grillbs the doctor just said it was stress and my iron is prolly low. You know I have anemia issues..."

"Was it a human doctor?"

"Yeah?"

"I said to go to the one nearby. They're a monster doctor."

"Not to sound ignorant, but they're a monster doctor and I'm a squishy meat-sack human."

"Trust me, this will be the right doctor for you. Business is slow right now so if you need to call me back, I'll be available."

...No...

...No way...

No fucking way this is possible. I-I gotta go home right now. I'm gonna be sick. This has to be a joke.

This can't be real...

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit!

Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit...! What the hell do I do? I can't do this! This can't be real... This is too much...!

[Previous: What A Night]

[psychoteacup]

to my future self, i guess.

I guess there's a couple of ways to go about this.

First things first, I really hope you're far ahead in our journey. That you held tight to the blind belief in our purpose and jumped off the fool's cliff, starting the walk step by step, reaching hills and mountains and rivers and more.

I hope you didn't give up. I believe in you, I know you won't. Sometimes we're going to be very close to the edge, and as it is sharp, it is tempting. It's okay to look at it, to imagine it, to feel the cold wind on your skin. But know that you'll always step back and look to the sunrise behind you. That's where you want to go.

I'm not sure why we chose this life, I can only feel it's right. I hope it pans out in the end. As you can see, now I have my doubts, but blame the blindness of a sad song. We have surely reached lows and heights together. Every battle wound is imprinted in our soul, a memory. Each one of them making us stronger, wiser, happier. Believe it or not, we're better off now.

I was asking myself about this purpose... I was asking myself about my voice, about my message, about my heart and soul. Why me? I just realized that I have more love inside of me than anything else. Love is what keeps me up and running. Love is what never lets me give up. We want this not because of money or fame. We want to tell stories to heal people. We want them to feel seen and loved. We want to spread messages of empathy and care, even in the darkest struggles of the night. The last spark isn't hope, it's love. Everything you do today is for love. You want a better world, your desire is genuine.

There may have a few strands of ego and desire behind, after all, we're human and flawed. Maybe I wasn't loved enough to look for it on loud applauses, but maybe all we want is to give out the love we didn't have in the first place. No one should feel like this, no one should feel like they're last than.

Perhaps feeling the deepest and scariest feelings have a purpose after all. We need to save people, in one way or another. Surely, I'm not saving the world from doom, but I'm going to save me and you from ourselves.

And it's through life and living, I suppose. No, don't fear it. If you do, run towards it. Dare to feel free. Understand and accept your flaws and breaks. We're imperfect and authentic. There's not a shade of color like our soul. You're unique and singular. Perpetually doomed to serve humanity with the tales of our heart. Tell them what they need to know. Be a channel, be a path, be a tunnel. Find the light and give it away.

And if the light is too bright, my love, come back here. Remember this ground zero, this point where we now have nothing but a belief and a hope for the future. Remember everything you have fought for and how the universe gave you a role to fill. Nothing on this earth can suffice your desires. Find the light and give it away. Find yourself and give it away.

This earthly living is but a glimpse of your soul. Trust your mind and come back to me anytime you need to breathe. I'll always be here for you, to remind you of the littlest things in life. I know it's scary out there, but we have to get out. We have to start.

We will arrive and when that happens, you'll understand that there is still so much more to walk on. Listen to the sound of the wind and the ruffle of leaves. Touch the earth and feel the water. Warm in the heat and dance in the air. Ground yourself. Find your calling. Listen to what they have to say. They'll always be here for us. They're here right now with me, in the past, and they're there with you, in the future.

I hope you write back to me one day, with tears in your eyes, happy that we've made it. That the silly little dream that girl had was real and that voice was God.

Be kind, be lovely, be true. You're not alone. You're never alone. Dare to fly, dare to be as giant as you can. Dare to touch the stars. Live amongst them. You are one.

I love you, don't ever give up. For us, for you, for me. For the world.

[spideyanakin]

doth time waste me (p.p) - chapter 3

synopsis - (eternals! reader) after decades of loneliness, you finally found a family, someone to love. but what will happen when the deviants reappear, and you discover that your purpose wasn’t what you thought?

warnings - spoilers for the eternals, mysterio never revealed Peter Parker’s identity,swearing?

word count -

back to main masterlist

series masterlist

"Let's go." Ikaris looked at you with his usual piercing glance which you still hated after 3 000 years of being away.

"I can't go now-" You looked behind you to see Peter who was standing there, confused out of his mind. "I have to tell them I'm going at least."

"They know you're an eternal?" you sensed the disbelief in Ikaris's voice

"Yes." Your confidence annoyed every bit of him.

"Y/n do you understand the dangers-"

"No, Ikaris." You put your foot down. "I probably don't understand, and I'm ok with that." Your tone was enough to make him want to break every building in New York with his eyes. "Now. You will meet me in two hours at the Avengers compound upstate." You grumbled before turning to face Thena and Kingo.

"I'll see you in 2" You nodded before leaving them without another word.

"Hey who are they?" Peter frowned when you didn't stop walking and he had to catch up with you. "Hey Y/n/n-" He started taking longer strides to try and catch up - damm you were a fast walker. "Y/n, what happened?"

"Nothing." You sighed to try and release the anger from your conversation with Ikaris. "Can you call Happy and tell him we're waiting at the Starbucks. I-" You sighed and realized how rude you were being to Peter. "Sorry- I-"

"Hey it's ok." He placed a hand on your shoulder, using the other one to fish his phone and dial Happy's number. "You can tell me later."

~

A Starbucks later and you were in the car heading to the Avengers compound.

"Now Y/n/n can we talk about the fact that you looked like you wanted to break every single thing in existence after you talked to these mysterious people?" Peter wondered before taking another sip of his milkshake.

You chuckled at his sentence, and Peter smiled with you. You had seemed to ease up in the last few minutes and it warmed his heart so see you that way.

"They're the Eternals."

Peter choked out his milkshake.

"THE CAR PETER, THE CAR!" Happy screamed from the front which made you giggled.

"I'm sure you can pay for a cleaner, Happy." You chuckled as you grabbed a napkin and started cleaning the drink off Peter.

"They're the Eternals?" He brought his eyes back to you. "What did they want?" His voice got small, as if he was scared they were going to steal you away from him.

You bit your lip before answering. "They want to get the group back together." You handed him a weak smile. "Because of the Deviants." You saw Peter slowly stiffen at your words.

"And..?" He didn't dare voice the rest of his sentence.

"I agreed. They're meeting me at the compound in two hours." Peter took your hand and gripped it with everything in him. "Peter it's going to be ok."

"But- But the last time the deviants weren't fought for-"

"Peter" You chuckled at his sudden panic. "Peter I'm not going to leave you for thousands of years." You squeezed his hand back and placed the other on his cheek "I'm going to come back once I know what's going on, ok? I'll be back before you know it. I'll help my friends fight them, and then I'll come back to you - and Bruce can make me human."

"Ok" He nodded. "I trust you." He swallowed.

~

Too early for your taste, you found yourself facing The Eternals.

You felt ptsd from the civil war in Berlin as you found yourself in a line with the rest of the Avengers, standing face to face with... also in a line - the Eternals.

You suddenly felt uncomfortable as for a few seconds, you felt your old friends stare at your new family almost with disgust. The tension built up before you finally cleared your throat.

"Alright." You nodded. "I'm ready." You turned around to face the Avengers. "I'll see you in a few weeks max."

"Be careful." Tony came to hug you. "That guy with the good hair and the silver streak doesn't seem nice." He whispered in your hear which made you chuckle.

"You're not totally wrong."

You said goodbye to the rest of the team, dreading the moment where you had to say goodbye to Peter.

The second you felt his arms around you you made yourself remember everything about him. His warmth, the way your bodies hugged together like two pieces of a puzzle, the smell of his perfume mixed with the faint new car smell of his spidey suit.

"Come back to me" He sighed into your arms.

"I promise I will Peter." You nodded into his arms, blinking the tears away. You pressed a kiss to his cheek before moving away, his hand still holding yours until you were too far.

And just like that, you were gone.

Back with the Eternals.

~

"So what's the deal?" You wiped a tear from your cheek as you snuggled a little bit more into the fancy leather seat of Kingo's private jet. You brought your stare back to the group - everyone had morbid looks on their faces and the plane was so quiet it almost made you a little angry. "If your depressed faces are about the fact that I'm an avenger-"

"Ajak's dead" Sprite blurted and you thought your heart was going to stop beating.

"What?" You whispered in disbelief. "I- how-"

"A deviant" you were blind to the way Ikaris's back straightened up. "We found her dead in front of her house" Sirse continued and you stayed quiet, unable to form a proper sentence.

You tried to remember the last time you saw her.

It was the year you met Peter.

Autumn had sent it's chill down the streets of New York. You snuggled a little more into your jacket as you made your way down to the coffee shop you loved so much.

Entering it, you let the sound of the door bell fill your ears. The comforting sound bringing a bit of warmth back to you. You smiled as you made your way to the counter, and double checked the menu as you wondered if you were going to take something new for once or your usual order.

Settling on your usual order, you took the warm drink with a smile and turned around to scan if there were any free seats. To your surprise your eyes fell on the one person you never thought you'd see here, in this coffee shop.

It was Ajak.

She was looking right to you, with her piercing glance. Hands wrapped around a cup of coffee, a plate that use to host a chocolate cake resting next to it. You froze for a second, you hadn't seen her in years.

You knew she wanted something from you. The way her stare was directed at you, and the way the seat in front of her was screaming for you to sit on.

Her face softened and offered you a small smile. You took a nervous breath before walking to her, taking your coat off and sitting.

"Ajak."

"It's been a while." She smiled before taking a sip of her drink.

"Yeah-" You caught your breath - terrified she was going to scold you for everything you'd done.

"I hear you're quite the hero now." She smiled and you found yourself nodding. "You thought I wouldn't recognize my Temis? Hunt is a cute name though. It seems to suit you." All words were stripped from you. "You seem to have found your place in the human world."

"I- Look Ajak, before you say anything. I want you to know that-"

"That you're happy helping humans." It wasn't a question, more of a calm statement. Her tone even took you by surprise.

"Y-Yeah. I love doing it- and I-"

"I don't want your justification, Y/n" Her eyes were smiling as she spoke and the use of your new name warmed your heart. "I came here to tell you that you shouldn't worry."

"Sorry?"

"I think it's good what you're doing."

"But-"

"I know I've said things. But I see what you do. I came here to make sure you didn't feel guilty. All the others have found happiness in their lives - you deserve it too." To your surprise - she didn't mention Arishem.

You couldn't seem to speak - only nod with a smile as you felt a weight fall down your shoulder.

"Y/n?" Kingo's voice brought you back.

"Y-Yeah um sorry." You wiped a tear that had seem to fall again before shacking your head to bring your stare back to Kingo. "How are the others?" You changed the subject.

"We're going to get them. Next step - Phastos then Druig then Makkari." Kingo opened a pack of chips and shared one with you and Sprite.

Sirse looked at Ikaris and then back to you.

"There's more to it." She cleared her throat before starting to explain.

The more she talked the more you couldn't hear what she was saying.

Your purpose here, waiting for Arishem to give you a signal to leave back to Olympia, the deviants.

Everything that you have ever believed in was a lie.

You weren't here to fight the deviants, you were here to kill them so they wouldn't kill humans. You were taking care of a giant chicken coop, cultivating humans so the celestial had enough to eat. You were a robot, a killing machine designed to kill beasts.

You didn't have a heart. You didn't have organs or cells.

Even if Humanity survived, Bruce could never turn you human.

"Y/n, say something." Kingo frowned when her saw the shock on your face.

Suddenly you felt a hand on your shoulder, which you recognized as Thena's.

"Hey, beastie" yes this is a Maleficent reference She murmured and your body started shacking under the mass of information that you had just received. "Y/n, get yourself together" she squeezed your shoulder.

"Humans made you weak." Ikaris mumbled as he turned around to open the mini fridge. Your wrist closed in anger, almost making your knuckles white.

This time your body had stopped shaking.

"Weak?" You opened your eyes to face him. He looked completely unfazed as he chewed on some candy "Weak?" You stood up and walked towards him, the rest of the group not bothering to stop you as they watched the scene unravel. "You think I'm weak?" you felt a bitter taste in your mouth. "I think you should look in the mirror before you call me weak. You think you're so strong? The 'new leader' when it's not even you Ajak named leader now that she's gone! You think you're so strong? You feel like you're better than all of us just because you can fly and shoot lasers out of your eyes? Well, take a second to look at yourself!" You never felt so confident. "What have you been doing for 3 000 years? Nothing. At least I've been using my powers for good. You've been sitting around mourning the fact that you left Sirse for Arishem knows why! You've been so full of yourself that you've done nothing with your life! Everyone else has. Sirse is a teacher, Gilgamesh is keeping Thena safe, Kingo is making great movies-" You saw the look on Ikaris's face and knew more then ever that you were right. "You've done nothing with your life and now you expect me to take life lessons and orders from you? I don't think so-" You shook your head. "I'm not the weak one here Ikaris."

He wanted to bark back for Sirse placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"She's got a point" Gilgamesh mumbled.

"You want me to blow this plane up?" Ikaris growled and the poor man sunk in his seat.

~

The next thing you knew you were standing in font of a white picket fence house - just like the one Mysterio had shown you back in Berlin.

You wanted to hate Phastos for it. He had found a life. He was happy, he was married, he had a family. You almost wanted to cry at the sight.

He had everything you ever dreamed of having.

"What are you doing here?" You watched as he approached the three of you. He looked at Sirse and then to Ikaris, his eyes softening when he met yours.

"Is that how you greet your favorite?" You snickered, doing your best to smile as he closed you in a hug.

"Of course not, I just saw Ikaris's stupid face first." He whispered, and you felt a giggle fall from your lips.

Minutes later and you were all standing around his dining table.

"I'll understand Phastos." You looked at him and saw Ikaris's eyes stare at you so intently you thought he was going to blow you up. "If- if you don't want to come with us. You have my support." No matter how much it pained the others, you understood what he was feeling.

The pain of having to leave his family, all that to make a come back as a super hero - for a cause you weren't even sure of winning.

"Why aren't you trying to convince me like the others?" He smirked which made you crack a smile.

"I understand where you're coming from." You nodded and that's all Phastos needed as an answer.

But he ended up agreeing.

All the group was now missing was Druig and Makkari.

The next day you found yourself heading towards a jungle.

"You should be happy" Ikaris grumbled as you walked out of cab and started walking towards the vast jungle in front of you.

"And why should I be happy, Ikaris?" His name felt bitter in your mouth.

"Because we're going to see Druig. Weren't you two a thing at some point?" The mere thought wanted to make you throw up.

"No- Where the heck did you get that?" You looked at him - you could never date Druig.

"Well, the two of you were always hanging out and joking around" Sirse replied, not wanting to see another fight between you and Ikaris.

"Well, no. He's like a brother to me." No matter how much you got along with Thena and Kingo, Druig was the only one who truly understood your principals.

That with one single action you had the power to help humans. You both wanted to use your powers for good.

You looked around and chuckled to yourself as you realized they were completely blind to him and Makkari.

You smiled at the thought of seeing him again. For a few seconds you seemed to be forgetting the pain of not even being human, of having a different purpose, of this planet potentially dying. It seemed to be slipping away from your thoughts as you remembered your time with Druig and Makkari before you eventually took different paths.

"Who was that boy? That day we came to get you?" Thena asked after moments of silently walking in the jungle.

"Oh Peter?" Your cheeks turned a little red. "He's my boyfriend." You smiled.

"He's quite handsome" she noticed.

"He is, isn't he?" You smiled as you remembered his face.

You didn't realize how much you missed him in the two days you had been away.

"You two make a cute couple." She bumped your shoulder. "Shame he's a mortal." You knew she didn't mean to hurt you by saying that, but the mere thought stung.

"Yeah."

"He looks better than any of your other boyfriends." She side eyed you. "Better than that Achilles guy you use to date back in Ancient Greece. Didn't want to break your heart but he was definitely gay."

"He was indeed." You winced at the memory. "There's a book that came out that's actually pretty good and made me realize he was indeed dating that Patroclus guy after and probably at the same time as me"

"Oh are you talking about Song of Achilles?" Kingo chimed in and wrapped his arms around you and Thena's shoulders. "I cried like a baby after reading that. I also laughed because I remember you telling us he was the love of your life. Sorry bestie."

"You were better off with that Paris guy after."

"That Paris guy ended up cheating on me, if I remind you. He dumped me the second he found someone better."

"Yeah with that Helen." Kingo remembered. "Which ended up causing a war, the war that killed Achilles."

"Eyes in front Kingo." you warned as you were all walking straight for a big tree branch.

The rest of the walk was weirdly fun. Even though you held sadness in the pit of your stomach from the bomb they had dropped you on the plane, catching up with your friends was heart warming.

Before you knew it, you had crossed the forest and arrived in a small village. It looked a little too quiet, but you tried to shake that thought off.

Suddenly a door opened, and you spotted your old friend.

"Druig!"

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[queentala]

PLEASE write something about cassian or Rowan helping reader on her period. Maybe she gets really bad cramps and can’t move

We're gonna do Rowan because the lack of Rowan x reader things in this fandom is unacceptable. Also because I love this guy ✌️

Sorry it took me so long but school, you know. Probably I’m going to public all my stories at weekends so you have to be patient. So Manon x f!reader and one more Rowan x reader coming out tomorrow! If you have any more requests, pls, write them. Anyways, enjoy <3

After pain, always comes comfort

Rowan Whitethorn x reader

As a Fae you get your period twice a year. Only twice! And fate decided that it'll happen on an important mission. To make it even better, Fae menstrual cycle is  way more painful and longer than human’s one. So after four days in the forest, away from any civilization and without access to hygiene products or pain relieving herbs you could easily say with no remorse that you were dying.   

Of course, you didn’t go on a mission alone. Together with your mate and two friends, Gavriel and Vaughan, you were sent to deal with skinwalkers that terrorized villages at the north of Wendlyn since few weeks. There were several dozen of them and it took you almost three weeks to kill them all and make sure people are safe. Finally, exhausted and battered you got on your way home but after two days of enjoining peaceful ride through beautiful lands of your country, your bleeding started.

During the first day you had to jump off your horse to vomit every half an hour. Your head, belly, breasts, legs ached. Everything ached. Next days weren’t very different. Rowan, your mate, your loving and caring mate, couldn’t bear the sight of you in pain. He even suggested for you to go to the nearest village and wait there till you’ll be able to function normally but you were desperate to get home as fast as possible and bury yourself under warm covers. Not wanting to argue with you, you kept going.

The nights were sleepless. You tossed and turned, not being able to find comfortable position, even in your lover’s arms. During days however you were trying so hard to not fall asleep. Ignoring yours comrades’ protests and offers to help you pretended to be fine. Well, as fine as woman on period can be.

Today you were literally unconscious. Fighting to keep your eyes open and stay straight in the saddle. Luckily your stallion sensed that you were sick and went nicely on his own, perfectly knowing the way home. You didn’t even noticed that you were sleeping on his neck until Rowan’s voice woke you up.

“Y/N, My Heart, we’re home” he said and touched your arm gently

Despite the pain, you straighten yourself slowly and opened your eyes. In front of you rose walls and gate leading to the castle. Immediately as you entered courtyard guards came up to you, ready to take care of your horses. You slide of your saddle but your legs refused to obey. Rowan ran to you before you could hit the ground. Gently he scooped you into his arms and started walking to the castle.

“Rowan I’m fine. We need to report to Sellene” you tried to protest and get on the ground but again, your body refused to work.

“Gavriel and Vaughan will report to her” you opened your mouth but he spoke again “Besides, Sellene is your friend and a woman. She also has problems like that so she will understand” he kissed your forehead and opened doors to your chambers. “And I have enough of seeing you suffer”

“I’m one of the greatest warriors of all times and the greatest female warrior ever. And I can’t even report to my queen because of some stupid stomach pain” you exhaled and laid your head on yours mate’s shoulder. “That’s pathetic”

“It’s not” Rowan sat you on your couch and started taking off your boots and jacket “It’s natural. And you know you only feel THAT bad because you were stubborn kid and refused to go to some village and stay there for few days. You’re not only on your period but also you’re exhausted and drained out of power”

“Shut up Buzzard”

He was right though. Your periods were always painful but most of the time you were able to do your job. This time even staying awake seemed impossible. Rowan stood up and left you curled up on soft pillows. Two minutes later you’ve heard running water. Once again you were lifted up and led to the bathroom. Rowan undressed you and gently set you in the bath.

You opened your eyes and looked at your mate. In his pine-green eyes you could see love. He was serious and dangerous warrior but he had soft side. Especially for you. His love. His world. His mate. And soon his wife. He took your hand in his. The delicate silver ring on your finger was designed to look like tree twigs. Between them shone little gemstone in color of your eyes.

“You are exhausted too Rowan” you kissed his hand “Join me?”

He undressed himself without a word and slipped behind you. Hot water with scented oils relaxing yours sore bodies. Rowan washed you as you dozed on his chest, finally feeling comfort after days of pain. You enjoyed his fingers gently massaging your body and scalp as he washed your hair. You sat there, loving each other’s company.

You loved being out. You loved fighting, helping and protecting those who needed it. Long rides trough the forest, campfires at night, celebrating a won war with the rest of the cadre and warriors closest to your heart. The blood of your enemies on your face and adrenaline filling your body. That’s what made you happy. But moments like that - moments spent in Rowan’s arms. Those moments kept you alive.

After bath you dressed in some comfortable clothes and your mate walked you to the dining room. The pain wasn’t as bad as before but it still was there. So after seeing that delicious dinner was already waiting for you together with chamomile tea and few chocolate muffins with raspberries and nuts you felt even better.

“Thank you Buzzard” you smiled and get on your toes to kiss him. It was slow and gentle, both of you smiling against each other

“For you, everything My Heart” he said kissing your nose and leading you to the table.

***

You were awakened by the rays of sun falling on your face. Your mate still asleep, held you tightly from behind, burring his face in your shoulder. This could be a perfect morning if not recurring pain and nausea. You wanted to move and ask maid for something to ease your pain but you failed. Instead you whined quietly. That was enough to wake your mate up.

He kissed your temple and immediately jumped out of bed. He came back minutes later with painkillers and warm tea. He slipped under covers again, sitting you against his chest and murmuring good morning.

“You know... I really hate my periods” you breathed sipping your tea

“Hm” once again Rowan buried his nose in your hair “You know... That because of those periods one day we might have a baby” You smiled at that. Plans about your future were discussed even before accepting the mating bond. And you knew Rowan wanted a family in the future so bad.

“Well, I guess I can bear this pain then” you bit gently on his neck “But only if you promise to stay with me through it”

“Always” he kissed you “I will always stay with you. To whatever end, My Heart”