#and it warms my heart and not enough people understand that we're human

[kkukverse]

Put Your Head on My Shoulder

Pair : husband!jk x wife!reader

Genre: marriage au

Warnings: sex scenes nothing too wild

w/c: 10.3 k

“Passports?”

“Check.”

“Your backpack?”

“Check.”

“My wallet? Your wallet?”

“Also check.”

“Oh! Toothbrushes?”

The man didn’t reply as he stares at you in disbelief. “Babe,” he sigh softly. But you’re too busy checking your luggage and your backpack. Not wanting to leave anything important behind.

“Our toothbrushes Kook, do we have them? Oh god don’t tell me you forgot. Remember Krabi? The one where we forgot our toothbrushes?” With frantic hands you unzip the front part of the luggage to check for the said items.

“Mr. Jeon Jungkook?” 

You let out a sigh as you look up to see why your husband didn’t reply to you. Instead of catching him getting as busy as you are, he is actually looking at you with an amused smile on his face. “There we go, finally you’re looking at me.”

With a grunt you stood facing him, eyes rolling and the little lips pout started to form on your face with wrinkles on your forehead. Jungkook leans forward as he puts his hands on your shoulders, “Babe, calm down. We’re not going to the other side of the world for months. It’s your hometown. I have packed our toothbrushes, and so what, if we left them behind? We can buy them.” Jungkook squeezed your shoulders in hopes to loosen up the knotted muscles as you’re too tensed.

You are always on the edge every time the two of you went on a long trip together. But today it seems to get worse. 

You’re used to be the reckless traveler, someone who is hungry with spontaneous adventures and unplanned vacations. But all of that were before marriage, before you had to take care of another human being.

Ever since with Jungkook, you always feel the need to have everything perfectly arranged. You never admitted it but you somehow feel inadequate at attending the need for your husband.

Well, compared to your peers, you, as a wife, is on an 'okay' level. 

Most of your friends who got married earlier than you certainly are on the master level. You love them, really. But there’s a time when you think that they’re being too good to be true.

They’re the perfect housewives, the spot on clean home all year round, birthed beautiful babies, cooking up home cooked meals that would make top chefs cried. They’re the trophy wives.  

You and Jungkook are a working couple. You work on the typical working hours, from 9 to 5. The house? You think the house look perfect because you have such a wonderful husband who loves cleaning and doing the laundry.

Unlike you, Jungkook works around his own schedule hence his working time is more flexible than yours. Plus, he’s working from home most of the time. If it’s up to you, the house would be a mess. For the food part, on weekdays, it’s take outs. 

You are matured enough to understand that people will show things they wanna show. But somehow, somewhere in your heart, it stings when you thought you are not good enough as a wife.

You have no idea how you managed to catch Jungkook as your husband because that man is amazing. He never complains. Not once. Never degrading you for not being the typical wife.

As if the role is reversed in your household. He has been the one that begs you to rest so he could help with the house chores. He sometimes prepared dinner, although claiming he’s not a good cook but if there’s one warm hearty meal on the table after a long day at work waiting for you, you are in no place to complain.

"Well, I'm pretty independent too, you know. Mom and dad were busy and hyung was always studying somewhere. I know how to take care of myself, and now I can take care of you," This is Jungkook's favourite statement.

He really is an endearing human being. You’re still learning to take care of him as well. Which is why you get fidgety because you’re so afraid of screwing everything up.

“I know but we don't have to buy it. Why are we wasting money? Once we're back home, we gonna have extra set of toothbrushes, which we don't even need in the first place.” You yaps under your breath as you double check the snacks in your backpack.

Rummaging the backpack for the nth time. Ointment, mint breath strips, lip balm, protein and choco bars. Jungkook must munch on something, and he needs sugar. That’s the least you can do. Providing him snacks.

“Will you please look at me?” Jungkook hunched down to be on your eye level. He puts his hands on yours as your knuckles grip the luggage trolley. A little smile adorning his face at how his big hands envelope your tiny hands, looking perfectly fit together. He rarely tells you but he absolutely loves it when he gets to wrap your fingers with his palms. Feeling the warmth emitted from you.

But right now your hands are cold, and Jungkook knew that you’re not just anxious. He’s not sure yet, so he’s trying to ease you to tell him. Silently pleading with his cooing and his bambi eyes for you to look at him back. 

He winced a little when your eyes locked on his. Jungkook knows very well from the look of his wife just gave him. Immediately, he cups your face and lean closer.

“Hey, hey what is it? Can you tell me?” he whispered as if you're both are sharing a secret that only the two of you know. In the hectic airport with so many people come and go, Jungkook grounded you by just being close to you.

“It’s just, you don’t have to come with me, you know. I hate dragging you into my family matters. I know you’re busy and the fact that you have to leave everything for a week is just,” you heave a sigh as you put your hands on his chest. “Just not sitting well with me. I can go there all by myself,” you rambles.

“Don’t say it like that,” Jungkook is not gonna lie but your words hurt him.

It hurts when you’re trying to not include him into your personal matter. He is your husband, he admits it was hard to break through the wall you built. It took him enough time to get a glimpse of the side that you always hide.

He wants to be your tree, he wants you lean on him and trust him. Your problem is his problem too. It pains him to see you stress over something and he just wanted you to share it with him. 

You have never been the one who wears their emotions on their sleeves, so Jungkook have to observe you carefully. He learns with the frown on your face, the wavering voice, the way you avoid eye contact. He is still learning because you are like an enigma in an endless maze, he used to be the one who wanted to decode your thoughts, and the one that can walk into the layers of your maze without feeling lost.

But now he just wants to understand you, wants you to know that he accepts all of your quirks and wandering thoughts. 

God, he loves you so much and how could you unconsciously treating him like he is a stranger. 

“Don’t you dare say it like I’m not supposed to be there. Don’t exclude me from your family affairs. They’re my family too,” he emphasis on every word and it softens you.

“Also, I will not allow you to go so far away all by yourself, not when I’m still capable to go everywhere with you. I know, you’re the most amazing and independent woman but I want to be there,” Jungkook gently butts his head on yours, an act of comfort he always do when you’re not listening to him or whenever you feel a little insecure, it’s like saying I’m here and don’t shut me away, his stern yet soft statement makes your view a bit glassy.

He kissed your cheeks before leaving a fluttering peck on your lips. To soothe your nerves.  

It’s true that Jungkook had insisted on coming with you to your hometown, despite his busy work. Piles of unfinished videos and songs in his studio at home were left behind immediately the moment you said you have to go back to your hometown for a family business.

Jungkook knew what family business you’re talking about because it has been your constant topic during dinner. It’s a series of events. It’s started from your aunt is getting a divorce - not that it has anything to do with you but somehow all of your family members had agreed on an urgent meeting.

You figured out from your cousin that they also wanted to gather in remembering your late Grandpapa. 

It was a long overdue event. It kept getting pushed back because somebody got married, someone just gave birth, your cousin is still studying overseas and much more excuses.

Perhaps they realized now is a good time, or perhaps because everyone is coming to support your aunt. You decided that you must come, you missed everyone so dearly.

The other solid reason why you have to be there is because you’re the closest grandchild to your Grandpapa and it has been years since you visited your Grandmama. Even Jungkook hasn’t met her yet.

She couldn’t make it to your wedding since she had fallen ill at that time. The wedding was a small ceremony with only close relatives and friends. And you didn’t stay longer because you and Jungkook have to fly back immediately. 

You missed your Grandmama terribly. Your grandparents practically raised you when your mom and your dad were economically and psychologically struggling in being a parent. Not that you blame them, because now, you're at their age when they become parents for the first time and you started to understand them.

Grandpapa passed away before you met Jungkook, way back when you were in high school, and sometimes it always hits you at how he would love to know the amazing man you called your husband.

Since he loves teasing you when you were little, and you can’t help but think Jungkook and Grandpapa would be close buddies with their teasing antics. 

You told Jungkook some of the memories you had with your grandparents, you also shared with him the moment when you have to move out from their house to live back with your parents. You still remember the sadness looks in your Grandpapa’s wrinkled face like it all happened yesterday. You did visited them occasionally. During the holiday season or when you have a long school break. But, it was not enough.

Honestly, Jungkook is as excited and definitely nervous in meeting your Grandmama. He heard a lot about that amazing lady from you and he’s afraid of her acceptance. What if she didn’t like him? What if she decided that Jungkook is not enough for her granddaughter? From your stories your grandma sounds like a warm person but what if she’s cold to him?

“Thank you Jungkook, for coming with me,” it came out like a whisper in his ear. Squeezing your hand, he pulls you to walk beside him as he push the trolley to the boarding gate.

Although you were reluctant on dragging him along, his presence still brings you peace, and you need him.

“Oh babe, I forgot to show you. Remember yesterday, Taehyung came over with Yuna?” Jungkook is pulling out his phone from his back pocket. Wanting to show you the video of your friend’s baby.

“Of course I remember. They left before I reached home.” Sighing, recalling how you rushed to get home yesterday just to meet Yuna, the little bundle of joy.

She is just at the perfect age when curiosity takes over her and babies are the best at this age. It’s not like you can meet and play with her everyday. First of all Taehyung loves hoarding his daughter all to himself - selfish - and secondly because of your work.

Yuna is going to forget her godmother since she only spent her baby days with Jungkook, her godfather. 

“I’m very sure Yuna misses you just as much as you miss her. Look at this! She’s sleeping so comfortably on our desk.” Jungkook squealed as he keeps playing the video of Yuna in her pink fluffy onesie, (the one that you bought for her) drooling on your desk next to the files. She was sleeping on her stomach and as Taehyung is about to pick her up, she whined.

Making both of you giggle at her cuteness.

“God, how does she sleeps soundly on that hard desk? You know my ass is still sore from that night you pushed me onto it?” Jungkook smirks like a little tease he is, while you’re trying to act like you have no idea what it is that he’s trying to tell.

“No, honey, I don’t know,” of course you know but you’re trying to focus on anything, not the memories of your tangled sweaty bodies, falling files and your stationary box topple over on the floor. 

Sensing that you're getting shy, Jungkook keeps on teasing you. He is relentless.

He leans over the armrest, whispering in your ears, “awe come on. How can you already forgot how hard you pulled my hair, the scratches on my back, babe? Still stings. God, the way you ride me on your desk, ugh you're so hot,” he sighs heavily and you feel the warmth of his breath on your neck, you're sensitive spot.

You snapped your head so fast at your husband’s bold action. You are in an airplane for heaven’s sake! You can feel the warmth blush creeps on your face. You pinched his arm.

“There are hundreds of people on board, and we’re gonna be here for hours! No one wants to hear our bedroom story!” You hissed and Jungkook is silently yelping in pain. He hates the fact that he loves pain especially from you. 

“Okay, okay, okay!! Sorry, baby, I’m sorry. I’ll behave!” He grips on your wrist to stop you from keep abusing his arm.

The grin on Jungkook’s face is as wide as yours but suddenly your face feel in horror as you remembered you rode Jungkook on your desk!

You had sex on the desk of where Yuna fell asleep on! Slept on her stomach! Face down on the spot of Jungkook’s ass! Baby Yuna! Taehyung’s sunshine! On your desk! Did you cleaned it up?!

A loud gasp coming out from you as these thoughts bombarded your mind. You covered your mouth with your hand while the other one is grabbing Jungkook.

“What, baby, why? You wanna vomit?” Jungkook quickly leans forward to grab the paper bag from the pocket seat. You stopped him, half laughing and half crying, you’re trying to explain to him the sin you two had done but it all came out as broken sentences.

Not wanting to disturb other passengers but wanting to scream at the same time is probably the hardest choice you have to make at this moment. With wide eyes, Jungkook look at you in bewilderment.

“What is it? Should I be worried? Want me to get help?” Jungkook is in between laughing along with you or be scared that his wife is losing it. Honestly he has no idea. 

“Shit, babe. We had sex at the desk! Yuna slept on it! What are we gonna tell Taehyung? Should we tell him?” Wiping your tears while you’re mouth is still widely laughing is a confusing sight for Jungkook but once he gets the gist of what you’re trying to tell him, he, too let out a loud laugh.

The seat next to you gave the both of you a weird look and and grunts can be heard. Your husband straighten his back on the chair and clears his throat as he apologize loud enough for the row in front of you to catch it. 

Leaning back to you he grabs your hand and trying to muffle the noise as you both keep on giggling like little kids. You’re still terrified on the inside, thinking of Yuna and how are you supposed to tell her father? Kim Taehyung is going to cut your husband’s dick once he knew.

“Jeon Jungkook, stop laughing! This is not funny,” your attempt to be serious was blown away by your own wheezing.

“In my defense, you’re the impatient one,” he scrunched his nose with his lips jutted towards you. 

“You could’ve carried me to our bed!” you hissed.

Jungkook gives you a betrayed expression as he puts his hand on his chest. As if you’re accusing him of the crime both of you committed.

“Excuse me ma’am, I clearly remember you’re the one who chanted more baby, please I want you in me, now,” he mocked your moaning. Your face is in your palms as you keep shaking your head.

“I did not sound like that. Please, Jungkook at least tell me we did clean the desk.” Banging your head on his shoulder while he snorted. 

“Well, your welcome, because your amazing house-husband did cleaned the desk. You blacked out the moment we got into our bedroom. Meanwhile, your dutiful husband, wiped our crime scene clean with a hand sanitizer. I told you that sanitizer will come in handy.” This is one of the moments you’re so happy to have such a clean freak as your husband.

“Oh god, thank goodness!” You showered his cheek with kisses.

“But do we have to tell Taehyung though?” Biting your lower lip, you secretly wished he is as evil as you. Because you don’t want to freak Taehyung out.

Just as you thought, called it soulmate behavior, because Jungkook just shrug it off and said to not tell him and even if he did, Taehyung would understand anyway.

He had done a lot worse back in his college days and Jungkook have all the receipts as his roommates. 

Laughing softly you shakes your head. “Can’t believe we tainted Yuna like this. What kind of godparents are we? Unbelievable,” your eyes are getting droopy as the airplane breaking the clouds.

Jungkook is taking off his grey hoodie for you because you always catch cold easily, especially when travelling in an airplane. Thankfully he’s wearing a long sleeve shirt inside. 

He did reminded you to wear an extra layer but it seems like you forgot. Snuggling as close as you can, you sleep almost immediately with your head on his shoulder. Jungkook chuckled at the sight. You sleep so easily. Be it on the bed or in a moving car, you are unfazed.

The first time you went on a road trip together, you fell asleep even before Jungkook gets to drive out of the city. The road trip was a lonely one for him because you slept all the way. 

He is relieved, relieved that you laughed. You were fidgety and anxious with going back to your hometown before the flight and he is just really, really, really grateful that you had a good laugh just now.

He managed to take the stress off of your mind. Always.

“Where is she, do you think she forgot, Kook? Do we have to get an Uber? Ugh, why is she not picking up her phone?” Punching your phone with your thumb, you texted your cousin, asking on her whereabouts.

Not that you’re ungrateful for having her coming down to pick you and Jungkook from the airport, but it would be much easier if she told you beforehand if somehow she couldn’t make it. You would’ve requested an Uber and you’re probably would be home by now. 

“Babe, sit down, please. Maybe there’s a heavy traffic or maybe she left her phone or something. It’s not like we’re waiting for hours anyway. It’s not even an hour yet. So, will you please, don’t stressed out over this, hum?” Grabbing your hand, he patted on his lap, telling you to sit on him.

Engulfing his arm on your waist, he took a breath of your natural smell on your neck and leaving a kiss on the skin. For a married guy, Jungkook is still shameless with showing off his affection on you. Grabbing you, leaving kisses on your face, smelling you. To him it’s an announcement that this girl is mine. 

He sneak a peek on your unanswered texts to your cousin. Seeing you used a lot of emojis and silly meme stickers in your previous conversation with her as you’re scrolling down. 

Adorable ice queen. You rarely replied cute emojis with him. He pouts as he placed his chin on your shoulder. Feeling a little jealous with your cousin.

“No reply yet?” The vibrating sound from Jungkook tickles you but since you’re still stressing over the unanswered text, you ignored it.

He’s now feeling the jet lag starting to kick in. Resting his head on your shoulder, shutting his eyes. When he said you don’t even need a comfortable bed to sleep on, well, it is the complete opposite for him. He just needs you. 

A ping was heard indicating a new message on your phone, and you quickly checked it as a soft laugh coming out from your mouth. Laughing at the meme your cousin sent you. She apologized for not getting out of work earlier because now, she has to face the traffic.

As a truce for her mistake she bought you a dozen of your favorite donuts. 

Jungkook flinched and scrunching his eyes as he felt a movement from you.

“Hey. Sorry, baby.” You noticed the flinched and instantly place a kiss on his cheek. As a token of apology for waking him up. By the groggy grunts, you know he’s awake now. Guilt rushed in you because you know he hates jet lag as it always gets the best of him. You’re scratching his scalp as your other hand is still holding your phone.

“She’ll be here in ten. You’re right, she’s caught in a traffic jam.”

Jungkook just hummed at that because all he wanted right now is to lay down next to you and have a good sleep. Smiling at your husband, you keep scratching the back of his head.

A habit you gained from living with Jungkook. He purrs like a kitten full with milk every time you do that. With one hand you replied to your cousin to just step on the gas like a daredevil she is. 

Your cousin, Suri, is only one year older than you. She’s the mature cousin in many senses but it is always you who she runs to when life is being the big bad wolf.

Like the one when she had to tell her mom - your aunt, that she lost her earrings. They weren’t just any earrings, it was inherited by your grandmama. Being the curious rebel, Suri took them from her mom jewelry box and showing them off at school.

What a way to go when she lost them during recess. In panic, she dragged you and both of you spent hours searching for them in the school yard, at the field (she doesn’t even went to the field), at the cafeteria, basically every nook and cranny of your high school. 

Living just a few houses away, you and Suri were practically attached at the hip, always hanging out together after school, so nobody really questioned why you and Suri was late on that day.

The search was fruitless. Finally she decided to come clean at her mom, which was your earliest idea before the both you dipped your heads into the bushes.

Staying by her side, you comforted her by holding her hand. She was scared shitless and as expected she got a ‘good’ earful nagging from your lovely aunt. But you still stayed by her side, only leaving when she fell asleep, with wet pillow because of the tears and snot. 

Just like highschool, right now you feel the need to be by her side in facing the divorce of her parents. She acted like she was fine when you called last week, from her defeated voice, you know. You know her probably better than she knows herself. 

She was the one who found out that her dad is cheating on her mom. She kept it to herself for months. Months!

Not telling a soul because she’s giving her dad a time or a chance to make things right. Her dad, doesn’t even know his daughter knew. Perhaps she was in denial but not until she broke the news to you. You advised her that she should tell her mom.

Well, clearly she did took your advice because now everyone is here to support your aunt and your cousin. 

From far you can hear a screeching sound which you don’t have to listen carefully to know that it belongs to Suri. She’s loud. Even Jungkook is wide awake now. Blinking like Bambi with his big eyes, his hands are still on your hips. He looks so adorable you can’t help but planting kisses on his nose and his cheeks.

“I’m sorry you have to wake up now. I promise you will have the most wonderful rest at grandma’s. But for now we have to settle with Suri’s car, yeah?” Whispering softly as if you could break him if you speak too loud.

Jungkook just looks so fragile when woken up from a nap. You’re not sure if he managed to catch all the words you just said because he keeps blinking with a slightly parted mouth. You’re so tempted to kiss him silly when suddenly somebody tap your head from the back. It’s Suri. 

“Damn, did I just cockblocked you from kissing him?” She said with a smirk on her face. Her short hair really does look better in person, she was so unsure during your facetime, feeling it would make her head look big.

Getting up from Jungkook, you give her a tight bear hug.

Feeling ignored, Jungkook grabs the end of his hoodie that you’re still wearing.

“Oh Jungkook, my brother! How are you? Man, look at this healthy long black hair. What did you feed him? He looks more buff now” She patted his shoulder like he is her little brother, looking amused at his hair.

“Keep it longer boy, your wife has a long hair kink.” She sends you a wink as if whatever that she just spilled is normal. 

Jungkook tilt his head to you with a wide grin on his face.

“I know, she just doesn’t want to let go of them, her hair pulling game is getting stronger,” he chuckles. He noticed that you have become a lot more touchy especially on his hair ever since he let it grow, long enough to cover his eyes.

And not to mention how you keep on pulling them like your life is hanging on it during your heated sessions. Suri just clapped in amaze at Jungkook’s reply.

The ride was a peaceful one, perhaps Suri is as tired as you are. It's relatively far from the airport to your grandma’s.

You keep glancing out the window to stare at the view. The street is still so familiar with nothing much has changed. Sitting on the passenger seat, you’re devouring the donut from your favorite bakery like a madman because they’re still taste the same. You save some for Jungkook since he already passed out at the back seat. 

The picture of you sitting next to Suri surely brings back your young adulthood memories. Only now with an additional passenger at the back. 

You turn to check on him from time to time. He looks so adorable, you covered him with his hoodie after you took it off from you and his head leans on the window. Suri noticing you keep glancing back, smiles fondly.

“You can sleep with him at the back.” Suri breaks the serenity that lingered in the car.

“No, it’s fine. He’s fine.” Pulling your left leg closer until your knee reaches your chest. A habit of yours every time you’re in a car.

“Seriously, you keep glancing at him like a mom watching her baby sleeps. Does he really can only sleep with you being near to him though?” 

“Yeah, he told me he was completely fine with sleeping alone before he met me. But he couldn’t anymore now.” Smiling so wide you remembered the night Jungkook confessed that.

Suri cooed and dramatically clenched her fist on her chest. “He’s romantic. You used to despise these hopeless romantics” 

“Keyword, used to.” 

Both of you and Suri let out a small laugh, and the smile on her face faded before she let out a sigh. “I missed you. You have no idea how bad it was for me to deal with this shit all by myself.”

You put your hand on her shoulder to comfort her. You know it won’t bring much difference but what else can you do?

“My dad is so stupid, I’m telling you. He asked me to check for his PayPal account when his mistress is still texting him at that time. Imagine how fucked up it was for me? I had to pretend I saw none of her filthy texts.” Suri speaks in a low voice, sounded defeated. 

“I almost broke up with my boyfriend. I keep thinking his ‘I love you’s is as fake as my dad’s when he used it to my mom.” She rubs the bridge of her nose and you listen to her, letting her venting out all of the frustration that she couldn’t do through a video call.

“My mom acted like she’s fine and all. She told me she saw it coming. But she didn’t say shit because of me. How stupid. It’s not like I am a teenager. Hell, they should’ve part ways when we were in high school. At least I get to hang out with the kids from the ‘divorced parents’ club.” 

“No, you were banned from joining clubs because you made a bad joke to one of them kids." You’re trying to lighten up the mood. But it was an exaggerated statement.

“Fuck, yeah I forgot about that one. Well, ain’t I was a troubled child, the sign of a messed up parenting was already there,”

You laugh at that and as the laughter died down, Suri looks at Jungkook through the rear-view mirror for a few seconds before her soft gaze falls on you.

“I pray he treats you right, I pray that your love will never fade. I don’t think I want to get married, not now at least. Love sucks but seeing you two, Lilo, looking this happy, makes me wanna believe in it again.” 

“Lilo? I haven’t heard that nickname in a long time. You either sappy or drunk to call me that,” you giggles at your cousin. Intentionally ignoring the heavy mood because you hate it when your cousin is sad and brooding. Like she’s giving up.

“See, this is what I meant. You, was never serious about love, you hated it more than I do. I thought you’re pranking me when you told me about him. It was me who was in a long relationship but look who’s wearing the ring now,” she slightly punch your shoulder as the car stopped at the red light. 

Unbeknownst to you, the passenger in the back seat is listening to your conversations. 

Jungkook was half awake after he heard laughters and giggles coming from you and Suri. He wants to fall back to sleep but he decided to listen more when you told Suri he couldn’t sleep without you.

Jungkook blushed under his hoodie that he had to pulled to cover his face. He knows he shouldn’t eavesdrop on your conversations with your cousin. Since it sounded intimate when Suri talked to you in a low tone. 

But then again, he couldn’t bring himself to sleep after Suri called you Lilo. He never heard of that name before, and he made a mental note to ask you about it later.

He’s eager to listen more as you and Suri are talking about him right now. When Suri said she prays he treats you right, he wanted to profusely said yes, yes he always hope he’s treating you right. Always trying to be the right man for you, that’s all he wanna be. 

He couldn’t calm his wild heart when he heard his name coming from you, speaking softly.

“Jungkook, is so endearing. I’m sure he had it rough when he first met me. I was mean to him. I shut him out. But he keeps coming back, keep asking me to let him love me properly. Truthfully, at first I was annoyed. I told him he likes the idea of me, not the real me. I keep telling him that he would hate me at the end of the day,” you sigh, thinking back to the day you left him with a hurtful looks on his face. 

Jungkook is screaming internally. No I would never hate you, I can’t hate you. 

He wants to hold you so bad right now. Scrunching his eyes with a heavy exhale coming out of his nose. Jungkook knows his love story wasn’t the greatest love story ever told but it was the most beautiful journey he ever walked into.

From meeting you, getting to know you, rejected by you, multiple times, to the day you finally let him in. And he is still learning new things with you. His heart breaks a little when you think of it that way, because he never thought he had it rough, he never thought of you being mean to him. 

“But he accepts me, all of me. I have no idea how to love so he asked me to learn it together with him. Saying yes to marrying him probably seems reckless and rushing to some but out of so many unsure things in my life, being with him isn’t one of that. Now he has become my home, my wings, my lover” 

Jungkook teared up at your confession. You rarely are the first one to show affection but he knows. He always does. 

After almost an hour drive, Suri slowed the car on the familiar residency. Pulling up her car in front of the beige house, you straighten up your back as you can see a few cars already parked neatly, along the street to your grandma’s house.

The beige coloured wall looks new yet you still recognize it as the house you used to reside when you were a little girl. You noticed familiar figures. Looks like everyone’s here already.

You glanced back and saw Jungkook stretching his arm as his mouth widely opened with a yawn. Suri is already out of the car hugging your other cousins. You help Jungkook fixing his hair and coming out of the car together, before they practically swarms you and engulf you in a big hug. 

Jungkook can feel the warmth from the interactions he got. He really feels bad for not staying longer after the wedding. Otherwise he will get to know your family a bit better. He was awkward at first, but your uncles and aunts didn’t treat him like a stranger and everything that you’re stressed about for weeks disappeared into thin air.

The unnecessary thoughts you and Jungkook had about meeting your Grandmama also gone too. 

Grandmama loves him, she may be slightly senile as she couldn’t quite remember people but she is so comfortable with Jungkook. Oh your grandma, the wrinkles on her skin, her hearing and eyesight are starting to deteriorate.

The moment you walked into the door, you saw her on her favorite couch, kneeling next to her legs, you put your hands on her knees. Informing her that you have arrived safely. She couldn’t hear you properly so Suri told you to speak a little louder.

She hardly recognize you which breaks your heart but it’s partly your fault. You should’ve visited her often. 

Jungkook who was sitting next to you just looks at you and your grandma. Fondness filled in his eyes when he saw your thumb rubs circle on your Grandmama’s knee. 

An act Jungkook always does to you. You introduced Jungkook to her and ever as polite your husband his, he stretched out his both of his hands to your grandma. She held his hand as Jungkook told her that he is your husband.

“Lilo? Lilo’s husband?” Grandmama asking for a confirmation at Jungkook. Jungkook kneels closer to her because she hasn’t let go of his hand. With as much energy her frail body can give, she squeezes his hand. “Lilo, you happy?” Grandmama turns to you as her other hand patted your head.

“Yes, grandma. Very happy.”

Fighting the tears from rolling down your face. This whole situation is very emotional because it’s like she’s giving your marriage a blessing. You regretted for not coming earlier. Jungkook notices how emotional you’ve become and he gives you a reassuring smile.

“Lilo makes me happy, grandma. I’m sorry for not visiting you sooner,” Jungkook squeezed back your grandma’s hand and your heart swelled at him using your childhood nickname. 

The night went so well after the emotional reunion. 

The thing about your big family is nobody is left out. It’s loud because everyone get to talk. Even the shy Jungkook is included. Jungkook have no idea kids love him. The only little kids interaction he managed to survive is Yuna, Taehyung’s baby.

Watching from the kitchen window, you can see your cousin’s children are following him like ducklings, the sight is very endearing.

He is good with kids, he just didn’t know that. He has a lot of stamina to match up with the kids’ energetic nature. He had his rest on the way, and now he is walking around while holding an infant.

You instantly think that he would be an amazing dad. 

“Thinking of having one of those?” Suri speaks up from behind you. Her eyes glued on the kids chasing Jungkook at the yard.

Grandmama once told that Grandpapa wants a big yard for kids to run freely. Now it serves its purpose.

“We haven’t fully discuss about it yet, but we did talked ‘bout it” Your feel your stomach doing a back flip because the idea of mini you and Jungkook running around in the house, tiny hands and feet, giggles and gurgles are so, so, so tempting but you’re not sure if Jungkook wants that as much as you do.

Your marriage is still on the early stage. 

As if Suri can read your mind she turns to you to help you stacked up the clean plates. “What’s there to discuss? If you both want kids, then let it happen. I’m pretty sure Jungkook wants them as much as you do.” 

Biting your lower lip, thinking how should you break your desire to Jungkook. “Yea, I guess.” Turning off the faucet, you and Suri walks to the living room.

You and Jungkook decided to stay a night at your grandma’s before spending the rest of the week at your parents’ house. Jungkook feels like he has a lot to catch up with Grandmama. But since it’s already late into the night and Grandmama needs her rest, Jungkook would have to settle down with you and spend the day with her tomorrow. 

Jungkook was given a mini tour of the house before you stopped at your used to be bedroom. It wasn’t big now but it felt huge when you were a little kid. 

You took a shower first before Jungkook because that man takes forever when he’s in the bathroom. Seriously, he could spend an hour doing whatever it is inside it. 

After showering, you sprawl on the cozy bed. Looks like someone been tidying the room, you might have to ask Suri later. You turn around to face Jungkook who is sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Babe, c’mere please, I need you,” you groggily calling him. Jungkook chuckles softly as he crawls hastily to you. Like a dog being offered the bone. This sight could be mistaken as lust but right now, with his bunny grin and and bouncy long hair? He is just so adorable. 

“Okay Lilo, tell me, why am I just found out about Lilo now? Lilo?” Raising his brows as he hovers above you. You let out a soft giggles as you place your hands on his chest, creating a space between you and he pouted at that.

“Truthfully I forgot about that name. Because, only my closest family call me that.” Jungkook hums at that and you can feel the vibration from his chest.

“Back off Kook, you’re suffocating me.”

He whines when you pushed him but he clings back to you like a koala on your side. His legs trapping your legs as his hand sprawled on your stomach. 

“Why Lilo?” He speaks softly.

Confused at your husband sudden ministrations, your turns to face him. “Why are you suddenly so clingy?” You raise one brow to him before he tightens his hold on your stomach. Leaving wet smooches on your neck, your jaw and your cheek.

“Let me love my wife. Come on, you didn’t answer me. Why Lilo? Is it related to Lilo and Stitch?”

You place your hand on his cheek. 

"Yes, it is indeed related to Lilo and Stitch. They call me Lilo because I… Okay promise you won’t laugh first.” You giggle thinking about the silly reason behind your nickname.

“What, babe. Don’t keep me hanging. I won’t laugh.” 

Propping his hand, he grabs you closer. “Stop giggling, tell me.” Jungkook pinches your cheek with his other hand.

“It’s because I used to make voodoos with spoons. Just like Lilo.” You cover your face with your hands. Jungkook lets out the loudest laugh and after realizing that maybe you’re embarrassed by that, he toned it down a little.

“You promised you won’t laugh! Asshole." You smack his arm.

“I said I won’t laugh, I didn't promise anything,” he talks back at you while sticking his tongue out.

“Trying to be a smartass now? Get away from me, I’m sleeping with grandma” You wiggle your body so you could get out from his leg. He laughs even harder as he tightens his hold, not wanting to let you go.

“Awe but why? Tell me more? How did you do it, voodoo queen” 

Jungkook pulls your hands that covered your face, and he kisses the fingers and your palms.

“Kids were mean to me, telling me that my parents doesn’t love me, because I’m living with grandma and grandpa. So, coming home after school, I would grab a spoon and draw a face on it with crayons. Stop snickering Jungkook, it was so hard for me back then.” You pouted at him. 

“Awe I’m sorry, I’m sorry you had a rough childhood. My poor baby,” he patted your hair like he’s coaxing a child. “Who are they? Want me to beat them? I have black belt in taekwondo, let me use my strength.” He said with a serious face. He wouldn’t.

“Jungkook it was a long time ago, and we were kids,” you smile fondly at him, feeling protected though you know he has the softest heart of them all. 

“I forgot their names let alone their faces. Never choose violence, Kook, what if some kids bullied our babies, you're gonna beat them?” You trace your finger on his tensed brows, and they’re soften at your touch.

Actually his whole face softened and lit up simultaneously at your remarks.

“Our babies?" he utter. The words rolling on his tongue so smoothly.

"Say it again, love.” He nuzzles his nose on your neck. Oh, the idea of having a baby with you, drives him wild. 

You on the other hand is giggling at his actions, you’re a bit ticklish on your neck. And when he bites and sucks the sensitive skin, you let out a breathy moan “Our-babies”. Damn Jeon Jungkook.

“Kook,” you speak as softly as you can.

“Hmm,” he lapped on the abused area, purple and dark pink are subtly forming and surely they will be darker marks by tomorrow morning.

Still latching on your neck he pulls himself with one hand holding him up, the other hand is roaming your body. From your arms, to your belly, before settling by the hip. His thumb is caressing your soft skin.

His dark wavy locks is tickling your chin and you had enough, grabbing his face with both hands as you bring him closer. Noses touching and his lips are wet from biting, with hooded eyes but still carrying the fondness in them, his breathing is becoming more labored and so do you.

“We shouldn’t, Grandmama is sleeping next door,” you either telling that to him or to yourself because from the way you’re licking your lower lip, you don’t want him to stop.

Jungkook knows you, you wanted him to convince you that whatever you’re about to do is okay, he will be the bad guy for you.

“Grandmama’s hearing is a bit-” before he can finish you smacked his chest.

“Don’t say it, it’s the age factor. Don’t be so mean!” You whisper harshly.

“Ouch, okay I’m sorry, I shouldn’t put it that way, but she won’t wake up. We’re not gonna bother her." He assumed.

"So, you my darling, have to be quiet,” he smirks as he winks at you. 

“Yeah? Kiss me already,” you pulls him down so his lips crash on yours. It is lustful, it is messy, but Jungkook always takes it slow. He’s a bit sentimental when it comes to making love with you.

You’re so different, you want it hard. Biting his lower lip as you tug it, a silent pleading for him to move faster. He chuckles at your impatience.

“Always rushing, princess. I’m not going anywhere.” His tongue skillfully breaking into your mouth, dominating the kiss. You let him. Your hand which was on his neck now grabbing his hair.

Feeling his soft hair through your fingers before you pulled them. He moaned into your mouth and he pulls away, bearing his neck to you as he lets his head thrown back gravitating to your pull. Eyes closed and he looks like he’s high on ecstasy named you. “Ahhh princess-”

“Shh! Keep it down.” You immediately leaving marks on his neck and noticing the position is making you uncomfortable, you pushed him until he lays on his back. Straddling his lap, you dive back to his neck, continuing the abuse.

Jungkook can’t keep his hands to himself as he quickly pulling up your shirt with struggle as you’re both are chest to chest. He rested his palm on your belly before grabbing your breast. He kneads the soft flesh and it illicit another moan from you. What a sight for Jungkook. You arched your back and gasped at the feeling of his dick poking your ass. Hard. Shakily putting your hands on his chest, you grind on his dick. 

Jungkook almost cum in his pajama pants at this feeling. The view of you getting off on his clothed member, is making him insane. Your hips moving forward and backward making a tasty fraction, it feels good but it is not enough.

You keep biting your lips until it becomes swollen, and he swears he can feel you soaking your panties already with the wet feeling he felt. “Come on baby, cum like this,” He commands with a deep voice.

“Nnggh- Kook, I can’t- need you” You scrunch your eyes and your movements is getting slower. You’re exhausted.

“Yes, you can. Come on baby, come on.” Jungkook gritted his teeth as he can feel your ass snug his dick perfectly. Noticing that your movement is getting faltered, he grips on your hips, and helps you picking up the pace. Surely will leave another bruising marks there. You whimper because the sensation is overwhelming.

Feeling the knot under your stomach is getting tighter and your pussy keeps on clenching on nothing. Only letting out more gush of slick.

"Ahh Kook, close! I’m cumin-” the knot snapped and all you can see is white. Your breathing is getting more erratic before you completely fell down to his chest. He rubs you back lovingly but his hard dick is still poking you.

Jungkook prioritize your desire first before his and he kisses your head softly. With limping hands you got up pressing his chest once again.

“Take it off, take it all off,” your fingers grabbing the hem of his shirt and pull the material off while he frantically pushing down his pants and his boxer. He helps you taking off your bra as well before he starts swirling his lips on your perk nipple.

A tug and you moan deliciously, he moves on to you other nipple, paying as much attention as he did with the first one. He throw off your pants and panties and god knows where they lands in this room. 

Pulling you up, he leans on the headboard. He instantly plunged two fingers into your hole and you’re clenching so hard, making he whines. It’s starting to get hot and steamy as you two letting out breathy moan. Still straddling him, you blindly grab his dick with your hand, pumping it up and down.

“Enough, just wanna be inside you, now!” Jungkook aligned his member to your hole. Putting your hands on his shoulders, you slowly sinking down on him.

Choking and moan in unison as you both adjust to the position. With head thrown back, you sob because Jungkook is big and no matter how many times you fuck, it still feels like your first time. 

Sensing your discomfort he stays still.

“Kook, why are you so big?” You’re mumbling incoherent words.

“Yeah? I’m big? Taking my cock so well. Fuck, baby, you’re so tight. Come on baby, bounce on my cock” he grunts as your walls keeps on fluttering. His rolling hips and his dirty talks are making you seeing stars. A whining mess and your cunt is clenching him like a vice.

“Stop clenching so hard baby, I might cum soon, we don’t want that, right?” he warns with a bite on your shoulders and he switches the position with you now laying on your back, dick still hard inside you.

He keeps up the pace and moaned so loud as he can see the way his dick pistons in and out of your pussy.

“Creamed so hard on my cock, baby, you’re so wonderful.” His hands on your waist with your heels digging his ass.

“Faster, faster. Please, please, please,” you’re chanting, ignoring that somebody might hear you because Jungkook is hitting it right. 

The squeaking bed and the loud skin slap are echoing in the room.

So much of keeping quiet.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful. Baby, let’s have kids, huh. Let’s have them,” he spreads his palm on your lower belly. Already thinking you carrying a child, his child, how you would look like with a swollen belly.

Fuck, motherhood would look good you. With that thought he trusts harder and faster. You whine and scratch his back as the pace was intensified. Jungkook hiss on both sensation, the sting on his back and how your walls grip his dick tighter at the mention of having a kid.

“Yes, yes, yes. Let’s have a baby- nnnghh Kook, shit shit” Your body jolted when Jungkook suddenly flicks his thumb at your clit. Pushing you to the edge. And you trashed so wild under him as you feel your bliss is approaching.

“Cumming- Baby I’m cumming nghhh Kook, don’t stop” letting him know before you finally let go. Feeling buzzed as Jungkook keep on trusting in and out of you, dragging your high.

“Gonna cum in so deep, gonna make make you swole with a baby. Mine, mine, all mine” Jungkook chanted as his pace is getting sloppy, chasing his own high. Warm ribbons of cum spurted inside your pussy as you milk him dry. 

The only sounds that you’re hearing right now is a buzzing, and how you two are breathing so heavily. He falls down next to you with his arm snaking around your waist. His breathing is fanning your neck before he left a kiss on your cheek. You're pushing his hair back from his sweaty forehead while he also helps you with your untangled hair.

“I’m serious,” Jungkook grabs your chin to make you look at him. Gone already the lust and the dark in his eyes, now replaced with pools of galaxies.

“About having a baby?" You asked.

"Yeah, me too,” you smile sweetly at him and he grins so wide, if you could list the most beautiful look on Jeon Jungkook’s face, one of it was when you said yes after he proposed. When you walked down the aisle, your first sex with him, and right now.

“Thank you, baby. You have no idea how happy I am right now,” he kisses your whole face.

“I thought you don’t want kids yet, since, well, since we never really discuss about it seriously.” You said softly, putting your head on his chest with finger tracing the skin. In contrast to your heated session, after sex is always soft and calm.

“You silly, of course I want them. I thought you’re the one who is not ready yet, because yea, I never wear condom whenever we made love, but you’re always on the pills, so I assumed you don’t want one, yet, and I also don’t wanna push you,” he whispers softly. You sigh, the way he uses the words “made love” and not sex. Instead of ‘let’s fuck’ it’s ‘let me love you’, and how can you not keep falling for this man. He is disgustingly nerdy and sweet and lovely.

“I will consult my doctor for the pills and we start from there okay?” You glance up, making a promise to him and he nods excitedly like a child.

“Come on up, pee-pee first. Always pee after love making.” Jungkook patted on your bare ass before he got up to carry you to the bathroom. 

Usually you’re woken up everyday to a big pair of warm hands rubbing circles either on your back or on your belly. Some mornings, the same hands just played with your head, the long fingers ran through the hair with a little pressure. Massaging the scalp. Some mornings, the hands get extra playful when they tickled your nose, your neck, your waist, poking the inside of your ears or pinched your cheeks.

These assaults always resulted in the owner of the hands winning. How can you beat the strength of a man with doe eyes, silly bunny grins and his boyish laugh?

His laugh booming in the room like a heavenly sound. But today, you woke up on your own. No hands. No head massage. No tickles.

Where is your husband? Is he showering? There’s no sound of water hitting the tiles. His phone is still charging by the bedside, he never let go of his phone. Strange. 

You freshened up before you leave the room to check on grandmama. But she’s not in her room too, well, considering the time and she’s an early riser, she’s probably somewhere around the house anyway.

Just as you thought you were left alone, you heard a very familiar giggles. They come from the outside of the house, and your feet are following the sounds.

A smile adorns on your face as you can see the backs of the most important people in your life sitting side by side. Both of them are facing the backyard garden.

You come closer and you can clearly see her wrinkled hands on top of his. He pulled his head back and laughing like a little kid, while she held onto his hands lovingly. Her laugh, though soft, can be heard along with his. 

You wanted to soak this moment in your brain so you could remember this for years and years. How the morning sunshine makes everything more picturesque, how his broad shoulders shakes when he laughs, how she leans on a chair, as old as she is.

Her brown chair, bought along with his husband’s big chair. The spot which was left empty ever since he passed away, and you wonder how lonely it is for her to be sitting there alone every morning and every evening.

You stood silently by the sliding door, not wanting to break the moment as so many sentimental memories flooding your mind. 

“Hey, babe? Good morning,” said the man as he turns around to face you. Wide smile on his face, post-laughing puffy cheeks.

“Good morning, Lilo” said another voice as she struggles to turn around. You don’t want her to strain her back so you immediately move to sit next to her legs. Kneeling closer like you always did, like a little girl listening to her favorite stories, you place your palm on her knees.

“Good morning, Grandmama. You had a good sleep?” Still not used to speaking louder to her. Brushing your hair she smiles fondly, “yes, yes”

“Where’s my good morning?” Pouted the man next to her. 

“Yes, Jungkook. Good morning to you too,” you roll your eyes playfully. 

If it’s not Grandmama’s hands holding him, Jungkook would have touched you, peppering you with kisses because it is his morning routine. 

But he woke up early today, because he guessed Grandmama is already up and he wanted to spend time with her. He was right, the moment he stepped out of the room, Grandmama was walking slowly to the chair outside of the house.

The lady who Jungkook assumed as the maid which Suri told you about last night, is plating a tray of toast and tea for her. 

Jungkook moves to help Grandmama settles on her chair before she insisted him to sit next to her. 

“That’s Grandpapa’s chair.” You jutting your chin at him, whispering but he can still hear you.

“Really?” Jungkook flustered because Grandmama really insisted him to sit on it and now knowing that this seat belongs to Grandpapa, he feels even more honored. 

“What are you two laughing about just now?” You glanced up to face your grandma with big eyes. Grandmama just chuckles and you can see your husband is biting his lips trying to hold back his laughter.

“Just, reminiscing old memories, sweetheart,” Grandmama replied. 

“Apparently, someone really hates wearing pants since she was a little girl. Humm, Grandmama did you know she still refuses to wear pants sometimes?” Jungkook leans closer to Grandmama’s ears as if they both are sharing some secrets. Pretending that you’re not even there.

With shocking wide eyes and gaping mouth, you knew exactly who is that little girl. It’s you. Grandmama just told Jungkook about your unhealthy habit, great, now Jeon Jungkook can collect another material into his teasing box.

“Did not!”  You gasp and giving your Grandmama a betrayal look. 

“What was she’s like back then? Running around naked? She’s a wild one isn’t she?” Both of them are ignoring you and Jungkook keep on firing questions to Grandmama.

You’re pretty sure the blush on your cheeks are from controlling the anger you have towards your husband right now. Definitely not because of embarrassing. Nope.

Seeing Grandmama laughing at both of you is making your heart swell. Your eyes land on her hands that has been holding Jungkook’s ever since you saw them. You were worried for nothing, and guilt is starting to creep on you as you were initially do not plan on bringing Jungkook along. 

Because first, you’re worried for him. Jungkook is not used to your family which is again, your fault. You didn’t properly introduce him to your family, not traditionally-proper. It’s not like you’re breaking the norms or rebelling or anything. It’s just you don’t feel that is necessary.

As long as you love each other, that’s all that matters. But you worried nevertheless. Worried they might not include him, what if Jungkook is uncomfortable because, dear god, Jungkook will never let you know if he’s feeling bothered. Very much like you, now taste your own medicine.

Secondly, it’s Grandmama, she has never met Jungkook, and yes, she is lovely but what if she suddenly doesn’t approve of him? That would break his heart. 

Now you realize that you’re worried for nothing, everyone loves him. How can they not? 

“I wanna take a short nap, you two can stay here.” Your Grandmama reaches for her cane as her wobbly legs trying to stand up. The maid rushed out to help her before Jungkook was about to carry her himself.

“You don’t have to carry and old lady like me, just carry your wife,” your Grandmama chuckles as she slowly walks back to her room. 

Jungkook rubs the back of his neck and sigh, he doesn’t mind carrying Grandmama. He once saw his dad carried his grandma on his back and he wanted to do that too. Shifting his gaze back on you who is still staring at him.

“Hey, the girl who hates pants,” Jungkook smirks cheekily. Here comes your Jungkook. “Wow I have no idea you hate pants. No wonder you don’t wanna wear one all the time. Oh wow,” he faked gasp at the fact. Mocking you.

“I will burn all of your pants the moment we got back, Kook,” words are seething through your teeth as you faked threatening him. 

“I don’t mind that, we can be pant-less together,” Jungkook leans back to the chair as he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath of the morning air. 

You're sitting next to him, only managed to stare at his beauty.

“Stop staring and come closer, please. I’m yours, you can touch me.” He said. Of course he caught you staring at him.

“I didn’t stare!” You blush.

“Put your head on my shoulder. Let me bask in this glory morning with my wife,” Jungkook speaks softly as he pulls your head closer to his shoulder. And you let him.

Feeling his steady breathing, cold cups of tea, half eaten toast, his humming of an unknown song, his hands on top of yours, a kiss on your head, and you really deeply seriously madly in love with this man. 

“By the way, Grandmama heard us last night, she said good job and she wants to see great-grandchildren real soon,” Jungkook said in a monotonous voice as if it’s nothing. 

Well, shit.

[gutfaced]

the way suzanne collins potrayed black characters that are usually perceived as agressive/angry or brutish (reaper, chaff, thresh) and all made them loving, generous and sacrificial in several ways, along with their district? i think about it a lot, and how so much good comes from such an overlooked district, and often overlooked people.

[syrma-sensei]

Somewhere In Your Heart, Ch.4: Unmasked.

Pairing: Soldier Boy x Fem!reader.

Rating: Explicit.

Warnings: Herogasm (need I elaborate more?), implied smut, angst, emotional rollercoaster...

Word Count: 2.3k

Summary: Soldier boy lives through the ennui of his peak, but everything is about to change when he has a shift in his heart.

Herogasm.

A place where supes exert their whims and desires without being pried on. The rumours you heard were rife with obscenity and outrageousness. However, what you're beholding now makes you think that whatever you heard about the affair was ten times more downwashed than the veritable things occuring before you right now.

Everything is raw, pure, and carnal.

They're just like humans. Like you.

“It’s my thing.” Soldier boasts in the middle of the display debauchery.

He's just like humans, of flesh and needs; like you.

You muster up a salacious grin, sliding the laces of your dress down in order to strip off. Soldier Boy rushes and holds your hands to your arms to stop you.

“What the fuck do you think you're doing, doll?” He snarls.

Your grin doesn't waver, your brow quirks up playfully, “Getting naked? I'm feeling overdressed here.”

He lets another guttural sound. “Not in here.” His voice is commanding and you shiver.

He pulls you through the scenes of sex and pleasure. You watch supes having their way with other supes and normal people. You wonder if the normal workers consented to be here. You see men with women, men with men, women with women. No facades, no masks. You feel the thrill roil your belly at the sounds of naked flesh slamming against naked flesh. You fathom a strange kind of sincerity in this place, where one can be and do whatever they want.

“See, I established this…” He waves a hand around, “Back in 52, with Liberty.”

You raise a brow at the new info.

“Why?” You ask.

His brows furrow, “Why I built this? Because we fucking deserve it. We're gods among men, and we have gods’ tendencies.”

“But I see normal people here,” You chuckle, “I thought we humans were way below you and your kind.”

Soldier Boy stops in his tracks. Turning on his heels, his hand grabs your jaws, making you moan at the force. He pulls you in to whisper in your ear, “We can do whatever we want, fuck whoever we want. In time, you'll understand how privileged you are to be mine.”

“Words, words…” You snatch your head out of his grasp in defiance, “I only hear words and see no actio—!”

He shuts you up with his crushing lips. You moan at the rapturous strength in his hands as he pulls into his hold. You can feel the warm and firm muscles underneath his gear. His lips are full and ravenous against yours, for a moment, you felt as if he's going to swallow you whole. The way his lips covet yours ripples through your body down to your core; you moan again.

He breaks the kiss for a second, gazing down at you with half-lidded eyes, purring, “Do you want to be truly mine?”

You tear up as emotions burn both in your heart and eyes. The world's strongest superhero is asking you to be his. You ogle him through your tears. No man ever required your permission before. The leash Jack has on you makes you an available mount for anyone who's ready to pay Jack enough to let them have you.

Soldier Boy — Ben, didn't do anything of the sort even though he made sure whatever the thing had been going between the two of you was worth it. Yes. You want to be his, even if only for the night. You want to be claimed by this man, you want to feel it for once, that you have control over your life and do something of your choice.

“Yes.” You utter, your lips are still close to his. “Make me yours, please.”

Soldier Boy grins. That giddy and boyish grin is growing on you. The way his eyes light up at your acceptance.

He takes you to private chambers, and makes you his.

Ben cards a hand through your hair as your head lays on his chest. His eyes are gazing up to the ceiling.

He's just had one of the best nights of his life. The satisfying sensation of mirth is piercing into his bone. He finally had you, and his mind is at peace, for now.

However, he can't say the same thing about his heart which is bumping with nourishment under your ear. He hasn't felt this in god knows for how long. He feels happy. Truly happy. And it's not just the sex.

Fuck. It casts upon him that he doesn't want this to end after tonight. He realises he wants more of you, more of this. Whatever this is… he craves for more, more of you. More of this non-ephemeral happiness. He knows it. He can feel it in his bones that the cat and mouse game between you played out into something more. He's feeling sweet tingles in his body like a fucking teen boy. Be that as it may, he's fond of it.

He sighs softly, hand still buried in your hair.

Could it be?

Could it be you? The one with whom he wants to make his childish dream come true?

The one he'd make a family with?

He doesn't know.

The only thing he's certain of at the moment is that he doesn't want what he has with you to end, contrary to what he initially believed.

He feels you shift under his arm. You crane your face up to meet his. God, you're fucking pretty. Pretty can't even describe the happy glow you're in now. Pride sprouts in his chest that he made you happy. His little ol’ heart beats fast at the fact. His fancy is so tickled.

“Are you compensated, doll face?” He asks playfully.

Your eyes furrow, confused for a moment, then a blush invades your cheeks.

The sound of his deep chuckle makes your heart swell, it's refreshing. “Oh, I am. Plenty.” You giggle.

“Good, because you're gonna have to get used to my generosity.”

You blink several times at the sudden revelation that you sit up.

He mimics you as he sits up, noticing the silent panic in your eyes, “What is it?”

“I can't be yours alone.” You whisper. “Jack won't let that happen…”

He frowns, the mere mention of his name grinds on his gears. He grumbles, “That fuckhead can suck on my dick for all I care.”

You sigh, “Ben… you don't understand, he owns me—”

His lips seal yours. “Shh, I'm a jealous man, I warn you. I won't have my girl talking about another man owning her.”

A strange yet delightful shiver courses through your body. Did he just call me his girl?

“Then do something.” You tear up, emotions burning your eyes. “I don't want him. I want you. Please.”

He flinches when you hug him, crying into his chest. Fuck, he isn't good with sentimental shit. Sentiments are a women's department, not a seasoned soldier's like himself. Fuck! He should do something, but his body is alerted to do anything and you crying into his chest isn't making it better.

“Shh…” His arms reluctantly hold you back, a hand patting your back softly.

“Ben…” His heartstrings tug painfully at the way you say his name, the way you implore him. “Please don't let him take me back.”

His chin rests on your head, his hand still patting your back. “I won't. You're mine now.”

“Don’t let me go, please.”

Fuck this, he isn't good at comforting anyone, because he never did it to anyone neither was it done to him. Somewhere weird burns his eyes as he remembers his loveless childhood. It's as if the sound of your sobbing triggers it.

“I won't let anyone take you from me. You have my word for that.”

Soldier Boy is many things, but a promise breaker isn't one of them.

You don't realise that you dozed off on Ben's chest until you wake up after hours. Ben's side is empty. You groan as you rub your eyes. You hear ecstatic moans woven into music, it's still permeating through the door; the party doesn't stop.

You shift in your spot. Your core aches from sweet soreness.

You can't believe you just slept with the hero of all heroes, in Herogasm no less. Weeks of tantalising mutual pinning are finally put the button on.

Instead of being disappointed, it's glee that's undulating in your skin. When Ben and you started this game, you believed it would be a fleeting fling. But now, you don't want what it resulted to end. You want this to proceed with what it has to unearth in the future.

You aren't naïve, you aren't unaware of your circumstances. But your stupid heart, that you thought dead, is beating with such vehemence you don't recognise. With something alien to you…. could it be love?

You shake your head at the absurdity of which. But you can't help the smile that pulls on your lips as you remember Ben's promise. You're his now.

Jack taught you to always distinguish between business and pleasure. but here you are, in a mess of business and pleasure yet in neither. You're in a mess of what you forgot long ago. Life.

Ben has brought life back to your miserable existence, and whether you like it or not, your heart is beating for that man even if his feelings don't requite yours. At least he shows some kind of interest, a benign one.

As the sounds of passion keep pouring through the walls, you wonder if Ben joined in one of the activities you saw when he toured you around. Men like Ben tend to be heartbreakers, mean, and uncouth. And he's taken what he wants from you. You push the panicked qualms and doubts about whether he wants anything to do with you or not to the back of your mind. He promised. You remind yourself.

Trying to argue the muscle that is still palpating with vigour in your chest, Jealousy burns your chest at the thought of Ben being with another woman… or women.

Yes, you harbour something for Ben. Lust, love, adoration… you aren't sure, but it doesn't matter, nevertheless. You know he can't be yours the way you can be his. You try to reason with yourself. But alas. You can't accept it, you want him all to yourself just the way he wants you all to himself.

The thought of him with another drives you to sit up.

You find a nightgown hanging next to the bed. You're incredulous to wear it. Many people would have worn it, but you put it on, though.

You rush out of the room, and you're surrounded with naked people again. Back glued to the wall, you tiptoes into a corridor wherein a man and a woman are copulating.

You pass by them then you jolt when you hear a bellowing laugh, “And I tell ya, it was the best shot I had with my bitch of a sister in our entire lives.”

“Betcha.” You hear Ben say, “If it weren't for my order back then; they would've given me slip, because you and your sis decided to pussy out on the mission.”

You raise a brow. It dawns upon you that you never saw that side of Ben. The superhero side of him, if there's any. You're curious, so you encourage yourself to eavesdrop. You want to know more about him.

“You can't blame us, there were citizens in the building!” The other man grouses, “They’re on you, Ben.”

The latter snickers, “Those people were in the way, the mission was to croak the assholes and I did. More people could've been hurt if they'd ducked out.”

Your heart paces up as they talk. Why does this sound so familiar? A bile of bitterness lurches in your throat.

“Still… an entire building was on fire that day.”

“It’s been, what? 10 years? And you’re still bitter about it, kid?”

“Fuck no!” The man scoffs, “I just told you it was the best shot we had with Tessa! Plus, it's been only six years! Nope, can't forget the best day of my career.”

Your breath hyperventilates as the minutiae gets familiar and familiar with you, conjuring up flashes of the day that changed your life for good.

“Not bad for someone who always misses their fucking marks.” Soldier Boy's tone is tight.

Tessa… Tessa… Tessa. You rack your mind fumbling through the inkling of the name. Then it snaps. Tommy and Tessa, The TNT Twins. Two members of Payback. Soldier Boy, TNT Twins, a burning building, six years ago? Could it be the same incident that took your brother's life?

Six years ago, the shitty building you used to reside in was invaded by criminals chased by none other than Payback. You were out in a sleep over at one of your friends’ while your brother was at home sleeping. According to people who gave their account of the incident, the criminals set the building on fire to distract the heroes with rescuing the civilians from the flames rather than going after them. However, and simply put, Payback could catch up with them and annihilate the threat. One of the side casualties was your brother, and you in somehow.

With no close relatives to go to, you had to be dragged from orphanage to orphanage. Until you met Jack when you were sixteen at a bar, and made you what you are now.

You feel the urge to throw up. You were always aware that your brother was a victim to that incident. To those criminals. It didn't occur to you that his death sentence was uttered by Ben.

Tears swell up in your eyes, they exude out in two rivulets down your cheeks, you cover your mouth with your hands to prevent an audible gasp.

You swallow hard and try to pull yourself together. Turning on your heels, you put on your clothes, and head back home. Back to Jack.

🦅 Previous Chapter: Mirrors.

🦅 Next Chapter: A Man's Property.

🦅 Somewhere In Your Heart Masterlist

🦅 Soldier Boy Masterlist

Taglist: @thebiggerbear, @zepskies, @deanbrainrotwritings, @deansbbyx, @deans-spinster-witch

@venus-haze, @kaleldobrev, @k-slla, @ketchupjasmin, @demodemo909

@mystic-mara, @jqtaro, @pepsicolacoochie, @bitchykittenconnoisseur, @prurose

@leavli, @robertthehoover, @soldiergrimes, @vanessa-boo, @uddiifiigj...

[imagines-by-cleo]

The Smell Of Apples

Part 1 of the Absolution series - part 2

John Ward x Fem!Reader

CW: religious imagery, priest kink/hierophilia, dub con, dirty talk, phone sex, exhibitionism/voyeurism, mutual masturbation, wet dreams, masturbation, corruption, catholic guilt but sexy, we're getting a few years in purgatory for this

I've been getting way too into Faith the unholy trinity lately and this is the result of that.

There's an interview with the creator where he talks about every ending being cannon and John being a much more morally grey character than people realize so I played with that idea. I'm really proud of how this turned out, I would even be so dramatic to call it my magnum opus. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

It starts as all mistakes like this do, innocently enough. One sunday morning after mass John is sitting there alone in a small chapel reading his bible as he's in the habit of doing. Then you come in, smiling sweetly but he can see something troubling behind your eyes. He returns the smile as he greets you, noticing a faint blush creep on your face when he calls your name.

"It's always good to see you." He says as he closes his bible and sets it aside making a place for you. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"Actually, there is, Father." You answer, taking a seat beside him on the pew. "There's something I've been struggling with lately."

"Of course, my child." He comforts you, setting a gentle hand on your shoulder. "Tell me all about it."

The blush on your cheeks returns, growing deeper as you take a moment to find the courage to share your heart with him. "I suppose it's the kind of thing you would take to confession, but I'm nervous. I've never confessed before."

The way you describe your troubles so sweetly leads him to believe you had never committed a sin in your life, he almost wants to laugh at the suggestion before he has to remember you were only human. John understands your hesitation though, being a relatively new priest he isn't entirely confident in his ability to hear sins and offer absolution, but he takes comfort in knowing that your inexperience matched his own, meaning any mistakes wouldn't be noticed right away.

"Confession is meant to unburden you of your sins, it can be daunting at first but you'll feel much better when we're done." He reassures you, keeping his hand on your shoulder as he moves closer. "I'll be here to guide you through every step of the way."

"Where do I begin?" You ask, encouraged by his words.

It warms his heart that you're so eager to take part in this cleansing ritual, while he was nervous at first now he was glad that it was him you decided to come to. Normally this was done in a booth, somewhere with more privacy, but it would be more comfortable for them both to stay there and not bar absolution with pointless formality.

"Usually you would begin by saying the words 'bless me, Father, for I have sinned.' Then you would tell me what's been troubling you." He explains, taking it step by step.

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." You repeat, your voice a low reverent whisper.

The way you say that sacred phrase makes a chill run up his spine, though he's not sure why just yet.

"I've been struggling with..." You pause, looking for the proper words to describe your feelings. "Lustful thoughts."

John can feel his face go pale when he hears the subject, then he feels his cheeks heat up with a blush that mimics yours. Not even a few minutes into this confession and he realizes the true purpose of the sacred booth and the privacy it offers. He longs for that safety now but it's much too late, so he continues.

"Where are these thoughts coming from?" He asks, before having to clear his throat to correct to pitch of his voice. "And how often do you find yourself struggling with them?"

"There's someone close to me that I've been thinking about." You admit, beginning your story seeming so unassuming but slowly delving into something more sinful as you reveal more information. "It started so innocently, I just liked the way he smiled at me and now I can't stop thinking about him. I even have these thoughts during service now."

This particular bit of knowledge is the most shocking to the priest, before he had no idea that you were even capable of harboring these thoughts, let alone having them during such a sacred time while he was so close to you. As he continues he worries how this may affect how he looks at you in the future.

"How do you feel about this person? Perhaps what you're feeling is just misplaced love." He suggests, still trying to maintain the image of the sweet chaste girl he had spoken to moments ago.

"I think very highly of him, he's actually a very holy man, but I can't help but have these unholy thoughts about him." You explain, a tinge of guilt in your voice at this aspect of your admission.

John takes a deep breath in, trying his best not to look frustrated as he tries to reason with the two opposing images in his head. "Is it the holiness that you find so appealing about this man? If so it could be your desire to be holy yourself."

"Oh no, it's not like that, it's..." You look away from him as the blush deepens on your face, unable to article the details of your thoughts.

He takes your hands in a comforting gesture and feels them trembling in his grasp, you inhale sharply as you both touch but he keeps his hold steady, determined to be the one to help you through this no matter the discomfort at first.

"There's no need to be afraid, anything you share here is just between us." He assures you, your shaking doesn’t cease immediately but it calms slightly at the sound of his voice. "Now tell me, are these thoughts about any specific actions? Or is it just a feeling of longing?"

You seem to think for a moment before answering, glancing down at where your hands met, back up at him, then away again with red cheeks. "It was just longing at first, then I thought about things like how his hands felt when they were holding mine, and how they would feel touching me in other places..."

John should have pulled his own hands away when you said that, but he couldn't bring himself too. Suddenly he felt the need to hear more of the confessions that made him so apprehensive at a few moments ago.

"How do you feel after you have these thoughts? Do you feel guilty? Or maybe even satisfied?" It feels like a different person asking these questions as they flow from his mouth, but they're driven by a need that is entirely his own.

"I feel so guilty, Father, but I don't know how to explain it. The guilt just makes it more tempting." You tell him, your voice quivering in shame.

This strikes a chord with the priest, he knows the exact feeling you're describing all too well. At this point he knows he should stop, offer penance, grant absolution and go separate ways. Though before he can speak up you continue.

"When I 'indulge' these thoughts the guilt makes it more intense." You explain, raising more questions.

"How do you indulge these thoughts, my child?" He inquires, without the chance think of how bad of an idea it is to delve further into this.

"Oh, Father, it's so shameful." You look away and cover your mouth in reluctance to answer, a faint glimmer of forming tears shines in your eyes as the last remnant of your chaste persona disapates.

"It's a very common struggle for young women, there's no need to feel ashamed. Tell me how these desires take hold of you so we can fight your temptation together." In this moment he feels less like the holy man he should be and more like the serpent whispering in your ear, either way your trust is completely in his hands.

"Well sometimes late at night, when praying doesn't work I-" You pause as your breath quickens, admitting your guilt in barely a whisper yet the words seem to echo through the small chapel. "I touch myself..."

John has already anticipated the words before they left your lips, but they still made him shudder with sinful delight. He could pretend this desire inside him didn't have a name or a purpose until now, but it was unmistakably revealed to be the same struggle that you came to him to have forgiven.

"I see..." He replies, tugging at his collar and feeling the sweat begining to dampen it as the air in the small chapel seems to get hotter and fills with a sweet scent that could only be your perfume. "What are your intentions when you 'indulge'? Is it just to relieve your burden or do you let your mind wander?"

"I only wanted to relieve the burden at first, to get it off my mind, but it felt so good to give in, and now I think about him doing all kinds of things to me." The answer comes out between short and shallow breaths, every question answered on the brink of sobbing. "I shouldn't be feeling this way about someone like him, but I can't help it."

Without considering how inappropriate it might be John puts his arm around you, shushing you as he holds you close. From here he can smell your perfume overpowering the chapel incense, creating a sweet aroma that weakened his resolution with every passing breath. His heart races as he wrestles with his own voyeuristic urges while trying to guide you through your own temptation.

"It's alright, I'm here to help, you can trust me." He assures, though the words are more to convince himself than to console you. "The path to absolution is difficult and frightening, but there's no same in walking that road."

With a few deep breaths to collect your emotions you prepare to finish your confession as you wipe the tears from your eyes. "Thank you, Father."

"Now are you ready to tell me more?" He smiles wide, it's meant to be comforting but it stems from the pride he can't help but feel in his ability to make you trust him so easily. "You've tried praying, but when that fails does this indulgence make your thoughts worse, or do you feel too guilty?"

"Well, I suppose it does both." You answer, no less ashamed of your feelings but much more forthcoming with the details he wants to hear. "When finally I give in the guilt makes it so much more intense, then it's so hard to stop. I do it over and over, sometimes for hours at night."

John holds his breath as every secret is shared, the magnitude of this burden is much more than he even could have imagined in his most sinful fantasies. He wants to be there, to watch you writhe, to make you writhe with pleasure and guilt. For a moment he forgets his purpose, having to remind himself that even if he isn't thinking like one that he is still a priest.

"My child, are you familiar with the concept of penance?" He asks as the most perfect plan comes to mind, it is his duty to help and this will benefit both of you.

"Not really." You answer, though unfamiliar you seem relieved to have the end of your burdens in sight.

Excellent.

"I'm determined to help you through this, for your penance I want you to write down every thought you've ever had about this man." He orders, doing his best not to seem too excited to see the results.

A flicker of doubt flashes in your wide eyes, not in his wisdom but in the practicality of this task. "Every one, Father?"

"Yes, and when you've finished bring them to me so I can absolve you." He adds on, hoping the promise of absolution will make your penance easier to accomplish.

"But, Father, what if someone saw what I wrote? What would they think?" You ask, suddenly sounding much more the innocent virgin John thought you were before this.

"I promise to keep everything you write between us and God." His vow is less for your privacy and more for his safety, but he continues to endanger himself in new ways as his intrusive thoughts get the better of him. "And anytime you ever feel the need to 'indulge' again, you have my number. After you pray about it I want you to call me."

"That might be difficult, you see I've been doing it during the day now too." You tell him, your reluctance born from consideration and kindness he no longer deserved. "I wouldn't want to burden you like that, Father."

John shifts in his seat at this revelation, knowing how desperate you are constantly does the opposite of deter him from this task.

"This is your soul at stake, it's my duty to help you any time of the day or night. This is a burden we will bear together." He reassures you as he does his best to hide the eagerness that burns up his entire body. "Can you do this, my child?"

"Yes, Father." You answer, completely unaware of the path he was leading you down.

"I look forward to hearing from you." Perhaps the only honest thing he had said since the begining of this confession.

He rises from the pew, kissing you gently on the forehead before he leaves and letting his lips linger for just a little longer than they should. Leaving you there in the chapel to contemplate the task you're about to undertake, fully believing it would lead to your absolution. You were so easy to convince, the only thing left was for John to convince himself that this was the right thing and not his own indulgence in the same temptation the woman he was supposed to help had battled.

As the day went on, he almost felt regret, and if he would have dwelled on that any longer he would have called you and put an end to this. One thought occupied the forefront of his mind though, the "holy man" you mentioned. It really could have been any member of the church, but it wasn't so farfetched to think it was a priest, why else would you be feeling so much guilt for natural pleasures instead of just persuing them? If it was a priest then it was likely that it was himself you were thinking of, every time you blushed when he smiled at you suddenly made sense.

It's an intoxicating thought that carries him into the night, imagining being the object of your desires. The innocent crush on your priest turning into something far more serious until it consumes you night and day. There was at least one sin he is committing, though he isn't sure if it's pride in himself or lust for you. If he keeps it in the frame of confession he can continue to believe it was neither and he was only guiding this lost lamb into a better understanding of the desires that plagued her.

The hours seem longer, eventually John finds himself alone with nothing to distract him from these thoughts. Staring at his phone across the room long enough that it had felt like it was staring back and judging him. It isn't too late to rectify this. Of course if he stands by the belief that he hadn't made a mistake there's be no need to correct anything, right?

It's pointless going back and forth with himself like this, he's going to be arguing with no one at all for the rest of the night at this rate. He looks around for something to distract him and the second he does the phone rings, the sound of it rattling his very soul.

He picks up the receiver, his voice hardly sounds like his own as he answers sheepishly. "Hello?"

"Father? I'm sorry to call you so late at night, is this a bad time?" Your voice comes like a siren call from the other end of the line.

"Of course not." He answers perhaps a little too cheerfully, he'll have to make an effort to tone his enthusiasm down as he speaks. "How can I help you, my child?"

"It sounds so silly now that I say this out loud, but I was feeling tempted tonight so I started to write down my thoughs like you told me." You begin to explain, building anticipation with every word.

"It's my duty to guide you through your penance no matter how insignificant your troubles seem." He reassures you, those words aren't entirely wrong; that must be why they twist his heart as he says them in this context. "I'm glad to hear you're taking this so seriously, tell me more."

"Well, it's difficult at night, especially when I'm alone with these thoughts." You continue, a slight shaking in your breath that he can almost feel though the phone. "I think writing them down is making it worse."

"You're tempted to 'indulge' again?" He asks, straight to the point."

"Yes, Father." You admit with a sigh of shame. "I'm so sorry."

John shudders at your admission, for a moment he finds himself at a crossroads. One path where he can offer the guidance that you need, that he is vow bound to give you, the other where he can indulge these new intimidating feelings that are brewing deep in his soul. He was so close to either outcome, knowing he's the first person you think of now when you're filled with temptation. Surely it wouldn't hurt his soul or yours if he asked for details. How else would he help you? How else would he help himself?

"There's no need to aplologize." He tells you, his voice low and soft. "You're not alone anymore, I'm here with you. If it's too difficult to write then you can simply tell me now."

"It's just that... I saw him today and I noticed his lips." You begin, bringing images of when he had kissed your forehead after confession to mind. "I thought about how soft they were, and how they would feel on my skin."

"Go on, the more you tell me the more I can absolve." He promises, dangling salvation in front of you like bait.

"I thought of him kissing me, first on my face, then my body, then up my thighs..." You whisper reluctantly at first but slowly getting more comfortable, every word making your confessors head spin.

John takes the phone over to his bed, exhaling deeply as he lays back. Taking a moment to imagine the feel of your thighs, if you would gasp and sigh like this while being kissed in forbidden places, he even swears he can smell your perfume again. He's drowning in these images, fighting to keep himself afloat.

"You're doing great." He praises, knowing exactly how you blush when he compliments you during the day.

A sharp inhale comes from the other line, an indication his manipulations were working. "I wanted his tongue inside me, I wanted him to make me moan and beg..."

With his eyes closed John relishes the sound of your breath as it grows heavier until he can practically feel it warming his ears from over the phone. Doing his best to ignore the tightness growing in his pants as it throbs to the rhythm of your every sweet gasp.

"I just needed him so bad when I wrote this." You confess as the last remnants of your strength waver. "I wanted to touch myself so bad."

For a moment he considers letting you indulge, though he's having trouble coming up with a good excuse for allowing it. What's left of his conscience is telling him to stop, apologize, hang up the phone, take a cold shower, anything to end this while he can. The coiling heat in the pit of his stomach is telling him, begging him to give permission to give in to both your desires, to have them be forgiven after the fact if they're so wrong.

"You need to ease this burden." He tells you as he reaches for the waistband of his pants, trying to hide the tremble in his voice. "It's alright, go ahead."

"Are you sure, Father? Can I?" You ask with no doubt in your voice, only a desperate need for the permission only he can give.

"On one condition," He adds as an involuntary smile creeps on to his face. "You have to tell me every single thought you have while you indulge."

"Yes, Father." You sigh as the sound of rustling fabric comes over the phone. "I can do that."

The touch of his hand on his own skin burns like sweet hellfire, the kind that would strike fear into his heart and make him stray away from any other temptation but this. When he's finally free from the confines of his pants he inhales sharply, facing his own desires head on. There's no denying it now, there's no way out now.

"What are you thinking?" He asks, his breath heavy and voice low.

"I'm- ugh... I'm thinking of... him. Being here, watching me." You whine your confession, struggling to find the words in your sin clouded mind. "Or listening to me..."

That last part makes him shudder, he lets out a long slow exhale away from the receiver to hide his reaction. "And what would 'he' do if he saw you like that?"

"I don't know, but..." Your answer is cut off by a short moan, followed by a few gasping breaths as you regain your composure. "I would be so embarrased, but I think I would like it."

Once again John can't help but cast himself in the role of this mystery man, he almost wants to demand you say his name, to admit that it was him and you were only fulfilling your exibitionist desires. No, he can get more out of you if he continues to be the devoted priest only interested in your soul. He shudders again at the sinful schemes he only now learns he's capable of crafting.

He pulls his mind away from his intentions and focuses on yours. "Is that what you really want? A witness to your sin?"

"I want it so bad." You concede, your moans mix with what sounds like shameful sobs. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

The picture of you with tears streaming down your face, distraught and begging for both attention and absolution is so vivid he can swear it's happening before his eyes. Here he is witnesing you like you wanted, reducing you to a creature of base desires without even touching you. In every way that matters he is this "holy man" you're dreaming of.

"You have nothing to be sorry for anymore." He holds back his own racing breath to instruct you. "Purge these desires as soon as they come."

Wet slopping sounds can be heard over the phone, your moans shift into a higher key before you simply state. "I want more."

The guise of confession is nearly completely stripped away, John can hardly pretend to be the concerned and doting priest as the images conjured up in his head get even more depraved. As he grips the very instrument of his sin tighter he tilts his head up and mouths a silent prayer of forgiveness to the one he hopes isn't watching now.

"You need this, release your burden." He encourages, both you and himself.

"I want him inside me!" You whine, completely undignified as you pour your heart and soul out over the line.

"Good, good..." He pants, your sins merge, making him as much of your victim as you are his. "Tell me all of it."

You immediately obey him without a second thought. "I want him to make me cum... I want him to cum too..."

John groans audibly as your confession gets more and more intense, what's left of his composure is dissolving with every detail revealed. He knows if he were there he could give the real thing to you, and he would let your moans and pleas drag him straight to hell. His hand now seems like a poor alternative to willing body, but he pumps it faster as he chases those forbidden thoughts.

He swallows before simply asking. "Where?"

"Inside me, all over me, anywhere!" You scream deliriously, making it more and more obvious that you're close to the absolution you seek.

With a few whispered curses John lets the images flood his mind, trying to control his movements so he doesn't act that fantasy before you do.

"Ah! I'm almost- Oh! Father!" You call out to him as you fill the receiver with sweet moans he never could have imagined in his most depraved moments.

He waits for the gasps and wet noises to come to a complete halt before he absolves you, but they never stop.

"Are you still there?" He asks with a hint of confusion, waiting with heavy bated breath.

"I made such a mess... if he were here he could clean it up with his tongue..." You tell him with such shameless detail, the confession was not over.

His mouth waters at that thought as he draws in a sharp shaking breath, unable to draw the line between his perverted thoughts and his controlled act he blurts out. "Let your own tongue carry his burden then."

The heavy moans on the other line are muffled, leading John to believe you were licking the sin off your fingers this very moment. He swallows hard and grips his cock tighter with his now shaking hand as he listens closeer.

"More, I want more." You groan desperately into the phone, continuing to indulge.

He sighs your name along with a a few quiet curses. "Is there no end to your cravings?"

"I'm sorry, it just feels so good, I can't stop." You explain, or more accurately whimper.

John can barely hide how he gives in to his own shameful desires, unintentionally letting out noises he had never heard himself make before while he brazenly fucks his own hand. The bed creaks as his hips buck up into the tight grip of his fist, he lulls his head back and wishes it was you.

"Father! Father!" You scream as your second orgasm erupts, loud enough it practically echos through his own bedroom.

"Yes!" He shouts as you both reach the heights of absolute depravity together.

The tension in his body snaps as the sin covers his fingers, he continues to stroke himself until he's too soft and sensitive to indulge anymore. He lays his head back and waits for the weight in his chest to be lifted, but it only weighs heavier with every burst of sacrilegious release.

There is a long pause before either of you speak, it's difficult to find the words, or any words whatsoever. As soon as your breath slows it speeds up again in a panicked realization of what you had done.

"I'm so sorry, I know I should learn to control myself better, I'm so ashamed-" You babble on a long list of regrets that John is far too dazed to listen to now.

"It's alright, it's alright. You're forgiven." He cuts off your hysterical apologies, as soon as the words leave his mouth he feels something twist in the pit of his stomach.

"Thank you, Father." You let out a sigh of relief as you slowly begin to calm down

"Are you going to be okay now?" He asks, showing scraps of genuine compassion he was surprised to find remaining among his selfish desires.

"Yes, Father." You answer, the serenity that comes with absolution apparent in your voice.

He smiles when he hears your reply, finding some solace in the fact that he was able to help in some small way in spite of everything. "Well then, it's getting late. I'll see you on Sunday?"

"Of course." You whisper into the phone before hanging up, the soft words sound like they were meant for a lover and not a man of the cloth. "Goodnight."

When the call ends John holds the phone to his heaving chest, his heart pounding as he sits in silence for what seems like eons with the weight of his actions pressing down on him. He can hardly move just laying there soaking in the stains of his sin, both reveling in the satisfaction and fearing the inevitable consequences.

There were so many times tonight when he could have ended it, so many times this morning when he could have kept this from happening at all. He didn't even know where to begin asking for forgiveness or if he was even sorry.

Sunday. The day couldn't come soon enough and yet it was creeping up on him along with a looming sense of dread knowing he would fail this test of faith again; and again if the opportunity arose. Something dark in his soul hoped that he would get that chance to sin again.

Sleep does not come easily to him that night.

John's dreams are haunted by the vision of a woman, her voice is smooth as she calls out to him, her soft skin burns to the touch but he can't pull his hands away and lets them sear in her embrace. Even in places he had never been touched before the feel of her fingers and her body pressed tightly against his was so real, in such stark contrast to the ever changing fog of the surrounding dream.

Whispering things he had never said, please, more, more. Moving his body in ways he had never tried grinding, writhing, thrusting. It was both liberating and damning, the only other feeling was the sensation of falling, faster and faster even while he was held so tightly. His eyes jolt open when he hits the ground he can't see.

When his body jerks John is thrust into the waking world all at once, longing for a fraction of the warmth he felt seconds ago. His skin is cold, covered in sweat, there's another wetness soaking into the sheets and rapidly cooling under his body.

Grinding his hips forward in a motion he realizes he must have been doing all through his dreams he feels the remnants of desire he did not expect to follow him into the waking world. With an unsteady hand he lifts the covers to inspect the sensation, finding his pants, sheets and even the bottom of his shirt to be marked with several stains made through the night in various stages of drying.

John lets out a shaking gasp as he rolls forward once again, rutting into the soiled mattress and using it as a substitute for the woman in his dream that he now recognizes. He calls her name much quieter than she had called him the night before, whimpering into his pillow like a plea for mercy.

As he reaches into his pajama bottoms he feels the effects of his sin and his cock throbbing for attention, he must have came two or three times in the night and he's still hard as a rock. His face grows hot and he curls up as if to hide while he strokes himself, though there isn't a soul here to witness his indulgence.

It is the shame that makes it more intense, the guilt even more so. Now that John knew you told the truth about this temptation and he had led you again down that path the guilt eats him alive, and he had never felt anything more heavenly. Every little moan he lets out is something between a gasp in surpise at the sensations he feels and a whine of embarrassment as he pumps his fist faster and faster.

The feeling of corruption fills his body and seeps into his bones, it courses through his veins and makes his heart beat like a doom drum, it clouds his mind and stains his very soul like the sheets he's about to ruin completely.

All these conflicting feelings chase each other around like a whirlwind while John races toward the peak of his indulgence, the guilt and the shame follow him wherever his filthy thoughts wander. He thinks of a circle of hell described by Dante meant for those consumed by lust. He thinks of being damned there together with you. He thinks of you. He shudders.

The morning light begins to shine in his room, gently greeting him like an old friend. Staring at the rays of sunlight coming through the window and feeling the full weight of the bags that have formed under his eyes, John is silent in mind and body. There are no racing thoughts, not images of the forbidden, only an all encompassing shame.

His tired gaze turns to the cross hanging above his bed and the feeling grows worse. It's not the image of pure holiness that makes him ashamed, only how near it is. He knows he's not beyond forgiveness, not even now, he just lacks the will to reach out and take it.

John slowly pulls the covers over his body until he can't see it and hides himself between the stained sheets until he finds the will again.

[nicoline1998enilocin]

List 2, Number 34 with RDJ pleaseeeee. I live for a jealous Robert

Sparks Of Jealousy

PAIRING || Robert Downey Jr. x Actress!Fem!Reader

WORDCOUNT || ~ 900 words

SUMMARY || Having played love interests in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, your feelings for Robert have extended beyond the screen. These emotions surface at his 4th of July celebration, and you can't help but wish you had confessed your love sooner, as you know you could have shared a beautiful life with him for a few years now.

RATING || Mature (M)

TAGS || RPF. Mutual pining. Idiots in love. Jealous!RDJ. Implied smut.

A/N || This drabble is part of Nicoline's Summer of Drabbles. I want to show my endless gratitude to the amazing @ccbsrmsf1 for helping me devise a plan for this! Because of you, this has become what it is now, and I could not have done it without you! Eu te amo, bestie 🤍

Photo: Source || Other graphics are made by @nicoline1998enilocin

Main Masterlist || Robert Downey Jr. || Summer of Drabbles

It's a beautiful summer day as you drive to your best friend Robert's house, where he's throwing his annual 4th of July party. Armed with your bathing suit and some snacks, you're looking forward to seeing him again, though the butterflies in your stomach are also fluttering wildly at the thought of seeing him again.

Since you two met during the filming of the first Iron Man movie - where you played the role of his assistant and eventual love interest, Pepper Potts - your chemistry has been undeniable, and over time, it has grown to love for you both, but you're both afraid to confess - though that won't last long. Because what neither of you knows is that the universe has other plans today

The moment you get out of the car and walk into Robert's large garden, you're first greeted by Montgomery and D'Artagnan, as they have also grown particularly close to you, their purring and soft fur constantly warming your heart as soon as they come to ask for some pets.

"I'm happy to see they have found their favorite human again," Robert jokes as he walks over to you. You look up at him with a smile, your heart beating faster as you see his shirtless muscles beautifully displayed today. His large smile makes you feel weak in your knees as he crouches next to you and the cats, petting them as well.

"And I'm happy they still want to see me after I haven't visited in a hot minute," you say shyly now that he's so close to you, and Robert chuckles. You both have had conflicting schedules, but you're happy they lined up for once, and you can be here for his 4th of July party.

"Well, I'm also happy to see you again, Gorgeous," he says, and you feel a warmth rapidly spreading through your cheeks at his words. You meet his gaze with a shy smile, and this time, the butterflies in his stomach are going wild.

Once Robert's cats have had enough attention, he grabs your hand. He pulls you towards the crowd of people - more specifically, your old Marvel co-stars, many of whom you haven't seen in a few years, so it's the perfect opportunity to catch up with them and talk about their latest projects and your own.

As the evening progresses, Robert gets you and himself something to drink, and you're wrapped up in conversation with one of your good friends, Sebastian, as he walks back. However, his timing isn't the best, as he only hears half the conversation, and his blood is boiling at what he hears.

"What do you think? Will you have dinner with me once we're both in New York? I missed you, and it would be nice to catch up," is all Sebastian can say before Robert excuses you and he gently pulls you inside his house for some much-needed privacy.

Once inside, you're looking at Robert confusedly, trying to piece together what's going on. You were having a friendly talk with Sebastian when you got pulled away, but it's not making sense yet.

"I- ugh! You don't understand how angry I am right now!" Robert says through gritted teeth, as he's unsure how to express his feelings adequately. Usually, he's a magician with words, but now he's stunned to silence at the thought of someone asking you out when it should be him doing that.

"May I ask what you're angry about? Is it something I did?" you ask him, your voice growing smaller as you near the end of your sentence, and your brows are pulled together as a wave of anxiety washes over you.

"No, no! It's not you, Gorgeous! It's- Seeing you with him, and- And him asking you out," Robert says as he paces back and forth, which is when it suddenly clicks in your head.

"Wait, are you... jealous? Sebastian asked if I would go and have dinner with him as friends. Oh my god, I'm so stupid! No, there's nothing to worry about because the only one I have eyes for is you, Robert. It's you I'm interested in and in love with!"

Before you can comprehend what's happening, Robert approaches you, his hands cupping your cheeks as his lips descend on yours. The fireworks outside go off as if on cue, making it even more special. All the excitement outside is long forgotten as the two of you are lost in your bubble, and your feelings have finally been revealed.

The moment Robert pulls away, you already miss his lips on yours, but what he says next is enough to set your heart on fire:

"I love you too, Gorgeous. I'm sorry it took me this long to admit, but I'm happy you finally know, as I cannot live without you for another second," he whispers before capturing your lips again, making you smile into the kiss.

That night, once everyone is gone, Robert takes the utmost care of you as he takes his time to make you fall apart on his tongue, fingers, and cock until the sun comes up the next day, making you feel like a queen in the process. Last night was the first of many, and you can't wait to see where the rest of your lives will take you both, but you know that as long as you're by Robert's side, it can only get better every single day.

[1waveshortofashipwreck]

when you get this, answer with five mutuals you love and why! then send to five other people <3

I know what you're thinking... am I really going to tag 15 moots because I got this ask 3 times? The answer is fUCK YEAH

@dontirrigateme I'm gonna start with the one who started it all for me!! Thank you for being the one that got me into BoB and obsessing over them with me all the time 😂 you're honestly an amazing human being and I am so SO grateful I get to call you my sibling!!!

@executethyself35 ALEXI!!!! One of my number one supporters and only one I'm ok sharing Luz with!! You're an amazing human being and I love your chaotic energy 🤣

@ewipandora Ewi !!!!!!!! We don't talk enough but that doesn't mean you're not one of my fav moots to see around!!! You honestly seem like such a kind and sweet persoN WE NEED TO TALK MORE!!!!

@ithinkabouttzu Maaaaacccc!!!! I love getting to talk to you and your writing is INCREDIBLE!!! You are always so kind and encouraging and you mean the world to me!!!

@ronsparky Jess you lovely human!!! I know we don't talk a lot but seeing you in my notes always makes me smile!! Thank you for being my moot and always being so kind and supportive!!

@love--persevering VASILISA YOU GORGEOUS HUMAN!!!!!! I know we don't talk too much but it always means the world to me whenever I see your name pop up!! Thank you for always being so encouraging and kind and lovely and everything in between !!!!

@ronald-speirs MARINE!!!! We've just started talking more and I'm so glad we have!!!! You are so incredibly kind, uplifting, warm, and just all around a wonderful person!! Thank you for being my moot and I can't wait to talk to you more!!

@thicccqueyoongimin Laraaaaaaaaa!!!!! I will never forget reading your ship request and thinking "did I write this in my sleep" 🤣 I love how alike we are and how much we just vibe!!! Thank you for understanding me and my/our obsession with Winters and Liebgott 😝💖

@panzershrike-pretz PRETZ MY BELOVED!!!! You were the first person in the fandom I actually traded discords with so we could talk more!!! Thank you for always having amazing chaotic energy and also your ocs are always so cool and intricate!!!!! You're an incredibly kind and lovely human and I'm so grateful we're moots!!!!

@blueberry-ovaries Mads!!! I know we don't talk a lot but it always makes my heart happy to see you pop on my dash and in my notes!!!! You always have something nice to say and your charts/rankings give me life 🤣💕

@xxluckystrike BLU!!!!! You were one of the first people I wrote a request for!!! We don't talk a lot but we need to talk more!! You are such a kind and lovely person and it always makes me smile when I see your name pop up ❤️✨

@sweetxvanixlla Vani!!!!! I think you were the first person in the fandom to tag me in something like a tag or ask game!! I know it's silly but that first time being included just meant the world to me, thank you for being such a kind and lovely human and including me that first time 💖

@neptunes-blue Aaaaaaa my HBO War Secret Santa!!! The Winters art you made was ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE!!!!!! Thank you so much for being my moot and creating art that is just STUNNING 🥰💕❤️✨

@b00ks1ut Rachel!!! I know we don't talk a lot but seeing your name in my notes always makes me smile!!! thank you for always being kind and encouraging!! We need to talk more ❤️❤️

@hanniewinnix Ok so this is gonna be really silly but I will never forget posting the first chapter of Should've Been Born Later Nix and seeing that you reblogged it with a tag llike OMNOMNOM like it honestly made my day and just meant the world to me!!!! Thank you for always being so sweet and supportive love!!! We gotta talk more!!!!!!

Aaaaaaa I feel like I repeated a lot of adjectives but truly y'all are the kindest, sweetest, most supportive and encouraging people I've ever talked to and even if we don't talk/don't talk a lot please know I love you sosososososo much and my messages are ALWAYS open!!! 💖❤️💕🥰💝

[koyangii]

2023 - The year of Japanese BLs (My 2023 BL wrapped)

After plenty of good BL releases in 2022, I was hoping 2023 would keep the pace and give us even better content. However, I turned out to be very disappointed. In my opinion, the majority of the shows were blank, superficial and had really bad script and bad acting, so there were very few of them I've managed to finish, mostly Japanese ones.

One thing that really draws me towards Japanese productions is that the stories are believable and portrayed in a natural way. Even when the acting has big "anime" reactions, they usually fit in the context. Kieta Hatsukoi, for instance, explores this type of reactions very well and they don't feel cringe at all, unlike most Thai BLs and some Korean ones as well.

Nationalities apart, there's an obvious gold rush that is happening in the BL industry. A lot of companies realized that BL does make profit and are producing a lot of shows, poorly written, poorly casted, but that's ok since people are still consuming for the skinship, right? There's a public for that, so why invest in good, but a little more expensive stories?

Anyway, this is my opinion of course, as a regular consumer of the genre, and I can't help to be disappointed. But enough of the complaining, right? Let's go to the list of my 2023 favorites!

Top 3:

The eight sense

This BL has entered my list of all-time favorites. Fresh and mature, the chemistry between the leads is amazing. Jihyun's innocent approach to life contrasts really well with Jaewon's harsh perspective and I love the way both of them bond while helping each other to evolve. The feeling of the show reminds me a bit of Skam, another all-time favorite, and I found out that it really was one of the materials they used for inspiration. If you haven't watched it yet, stop everything you're doing and go watch The eighth sense right now.

2. If it's with you

I loved this show so much! The manga adaptation was beautifully done, they really paid attention to the details. It's a very sweet, heart-warming and honest story. There's no "instant love”: the relationship between them is built little by little, through sincere conversations and empathy. The series invites you to be more honest with yourself and to not be afraid of showing your true self. 

3. My Beautiful Man 2 and My Beautiful Man: Eternal

Well, it's somehow funny that I put this BL on the list, because I hated the first season of My Beautiful Man. However, the second season and the movie explore the motives behind the characters' actions in a deeper way, so the viewer can better understand the relationship dynamic. One thing that I really like about this story is that, although there is a worship behavior from Hira towards Kiyoi, Hira's life is not all about Kiyoi. In the same way, despite the fact that Kiyoi enjoys to be worshiped, he's also unsure about Hira's feelings: does Hira love the perfect, godlike image of Kiyoi he created inside his head or does he love the true Kiyoi, the human being with flaws?

Honorable mentions:

Our Dining Table

A great slow-burn which approaches the fact that true family is the one you choose, so sweet that almost made me die of too much cuteness.

I Can't Reach You

A very sweet friends-to-lovers story, which is now on Netflix!

Love Tractor

A fresh and funny countryside love story. I just love how Yechan is so hyped when it comes to Seonyul. This man must be kept in a jar, protected from all the badness in the world.

Conclusion

Well, although I believe 2023 wasn't the best year for BLs, it did give us some true gems, more productions and more visibility. I've seen news about Kdrama actors working on BL projects that will be released in 2024, so I guess we're having some next-level good content this year.

So that was it for this BL wrapped. I hope you all had great holidays and that 2024 will be full of blessings to all of us! Bye, bye!

[therhythmafterthesummer]

Hello you! I’m new to your ~lore~ and I noticed you like talking about your characters (which is vvv cute btw!) so I was wondering what are some complications that pretty and Chris face within the relation?? Since she’s human? This is my first werewolf au so bare with me but when I started it I thought “they’re never gonna have sex” bc I thought it’d be too… difficult for the human.. but yeah that’s just a example I also mean non sexual stuff if there is any!! Mwah

warms my heart that you think it's cute and not annoying as hell sidfnsikjdfn i can imagine it might be for some people.

i really do love talking about these things! so much so, i'm gonna have to put a cut here because damn, this got a bit long.

so, here's what i think:

when it comes to complications in a werewolf x human relationship like pretty and chris'... in their case specifically, the mechanics of sex isn't a problem. their bodies are highly compatible. what could potentially be a problem would be chris' supernatural strength. he definitely could hurt pretty if he let's go of himself a bit too much, but i think that on a subconscious level he's so attuned to her it's very unlikely that something like that could happen.

i feel like the biggest problems could come more in the emotional/social department. the pace at which werewolf x werewolf relationships develop isn't the same as it'd be in a werewolf x human one. chris was ready for anything almost as soon as they got together, i'm pretty sure. marriage, mating, puppies, anything. he was absolutely ready to settle down because that's just how werewolves are. 0 chill when it comes to these things. whereas pretty is just a human. we're more complex in that department, i fear.

so at the beginning of their relationship he was probably restraining himself a lot (we've seen it in some drabbles and such. like the mirror one... man was going through it).

then there's also the fact that, as an alpha werewolf (and THE alpha of the pack), there's this unspoken thing that what he says is gospel (even when he tries his best to not fall too much into this dynamic). even though pretty is a member of the pack and is affected by his status to some degree, her being human means there's more mental resistance when it comes to any "order" he might give that she disagrees with. if they don't communicate well, their arguments could be monumental (kinda like what happened in afraid to lose you).

oh, and his possessiveness... that could also get pretty complicated (not to say toxic) if he doesn't make the conscious effort to not let it get the best of him. pretty would also have to learn to understand these things, some times he might get very uncomfortable if she's too close to another male/alpha or he might want her to do things a certain way. just like chris tries his best to be rational, pretty also tries her best to accommodate his instinctual needs (within her boundaries, of course). again, communication is key.

there's probably also the whole societal thing when it comes to a hybrid relationship like this one. some werewolves would probably think chris is crazy for "lowering" his standards like this (their words, not mine!) instead of finding himself a pliant omega to mate with. this is something we know affects pretty to some level, making her insecure that she might not be enough and such. but chris couldn't care less, honestly. that's his prettiest, she's perfect as is.

that's all i can think about right now! feel free to let me know if i'm not making any sense or if i should clarify something further. i tried my best sjkdhfkjsdf

[gayelectro]

Earthspark liveblog episode 9/10

Absolutely loving the camera work in this episode so far. The fight choreography and shots are looking fabulous. Very dramatic.

Not sure if the way they depict Skywarp's power is the most seizure friendly...

DAAAAAMN THIS FIGHT WENT HARD.

Overall I'm actually growing to like Megatron's voice (I didn't like it from the previews I'd seen) but sometimes he'll have a slew of dialogue where it's like "literally what is this accent that he's shooting for". People say it's Scottish, but I have never heard somebody with this Scottish accent.

Wilhelm scream

Dot punching Mandroid in the face was awesome.

Dot is the best, every line from her in this episode is just *chef's kiss*

Man, I dunno what it is, but I just cannot muster it in me to give a fuck about this Mandroid plot. So far, this show just works better for me when it's about the Maltos. I know I'm boned, since it looks like he's gonna be the central antagonist, but it's like... I do not care at all.

"I wish to rid this world of all violent beings" well we know the Cybertronian solution to that problem, now don't we?

Not to be that guy on main, but Megatron laughing smugly while tied up in bondage...

Dot is so cool. Like she's kind of everything (and MORE) that I wanted out of June Darby and Agent Fowler.

"YOU GOT THE TOUCH" REFERENCE 🎉🎉🎉

"BACK FROM THE DEAD WITH A MIDLIFE CRISIS ALT-MODE" HEEEEEEELP SHE WENT FOR HIS ASS COMPLETELY UNPROMPTED

Okay, this has been nagging me the entire show... The arachnibots look more like ticks than spiders. They keep insisting they're spiders, but they're shaped exactly like ticks. The extra eyes aren't enough to sell me! Ticks are still arachnids! You can call them arachnibots but admit that they're ticks!

NIGHTSHADE NIGHTSHADE IS HERE OH MY GOD

Tit missiles. Nice.

"I didn't have a word for my name, just a feeling" I like the exploration of that in this show, I know this is gonna be a reoccurring theme.

NIGHTSHAAAAAAADE

I honestly have seen nothing about Hashtag and Jawbreaker but I already love them. All these Terran babies are so precious. I would protect them with my life.

NIGHTSHADE PICKING THE OWL BOBBLEHEAD IS SUCH CUTE FORESHADOWING OMG

Yeah, Nightshade is just filling my heart with such joy. It's the way they made that face as they could tell Optimus was confused on how to refer to them. It's how Mo looked at them with understanding and stood up to say their feelings out loud. It just about made me break out into happy tears when Optimus Prime so readily accepted and then immediately started actively using their proper pronouns in a sentence. God, after all this time, seeing a Cybertronian that's like me just warms my heart.

Okay Tudyk definitely slipped into his Clayface voice for most of his explanation of the plan. I swear, this show would be helped out a lot if actors could have some more takes at lines. He is an amazing and varied voice actor! But I'm not feeling it.

Nice purple rain reference

Love when we get shots of bots safely catching a human while transforming, that's a cool thing we've seemed to get more of as we get more CG animated media.

Dot and Alex are so sweet. I love their marriage. It's easy to see how much they really love each other.

Wow I love that Mandroid definitely 100% died there and we're never going to see him again and there's no way he will come back and--

Oh my GOD Dot is such a good mom.

[your-sweet-cookies]

Figured I'd message here instead of DMs, so whoever the fuck the anon is can read this. No one else is annoyed by Kukki but you. No one is being forced to write with either the mun or the muse, and no one writing with this lovely, wonderful human being is preventing them from writing with you. Though if your attitude is anywhere near as bad as it is in these anon messages, I'm not surprised you have to blame someone else for the fact people don't want to write with you.

I, personally, share a shit ton of memes. Why? Because I want people to send them. I always reiterate how people are welcome to send me as many memes as they wish, and I know I'm not the only one. If you want to write with someone, maybe stop hiding behind a grey face, and send the meme yourself. We're all constantly posting them, pretty much everyone in this fandom is nice, and they're great ice breakers.

Stop coming at Kukki, both as a writer and her character just because you're feeling self-conscious and jealous. If you don't like her, block her.

Kukki's writer, and the character herself, are amazing, wonderful, and sweet, and I'm honoured to write with them. So by all means, fuck off.

((I love you. I figured since they're sending you the anons, it'd actually be more likely for them to see it if I sent it to your Ask, instead of posting it on my own blog. If you need anything, DM me, babes <3 <3 <3)

Message from Mun: Gosh, seeing this message pop up in my inbox really warmed up my heart! It means a lot to me to see that people like me and Kukki! <3 Thank you sweetheart, you are truly an amazing friend and person and I am truly grateful for your support! Ily! 💗

I also appreciate everyone else who reached out to me to show their love and encouragement for Kukki! <3 You are all such amazing and wonderful people that I can't even begin to describe in words how much each and every single one of you means to me! 🥹

As for the hateful anons, I just hope they'll find their inner peace one day and happiness. Being like that really won't help or improve their life and I just wish they'd understand that too. But if they want to block me, it's okay, I can understand if my writing isn't to everyone's liking and it's totally fine. I am not leaving anywhere and neither is Kukki. I still have plans and stuff I want to do in this wonderful fandom and community, so I am here to stay. One or two grumpy grey faces won't be enough to make me want to abandon everything I built and the people I love! X3

[arobinwithoutbatman]

@babydxhl continued from [x]

Freeze was having one of his moments again and the problem with that was the after effects took forever to deal with. It didn't help that a natural winter was just around the corner anyway. On the brightside, Robin had already switched to his winter so the fleece linings in his suit were keeping him plenty warm as he wandered the warehouse with Mary. Mostly making sure no one had been missed and triple checking for any gear that might have been left behind.

"You can absolutely ask, I'm not gonna stop a grown woman's curiosity." He replied with a small shrug, gloved fingers flicking at the corner of an ice sculpture that was probably a chair at one point.

It was odd, this rapport he'd built with the gangster. Not exactly harmonious nor were they particularly close, honestly he had a feeling she would either get furious or concerned if she ever found out he was only sixteen, but their conversations flowed. They had their calm moments. No fighting or attempts at interrogating, just conversations about things the other innately understood.

A product of them both being raised in rich families.

They knew the social dance that was rich people conversation and gossip though Mary's steps were effortless and beautiful, every word perfectly chosen, each sentence masterfully crafted while he had chosen to lean into the rumours of being a bit of a recluse because he still would end up with his foot in his mouth. Both recognised the double speak even if he had to work a little harder to parse it. Both highly intelligent with very different views on the world: hers utterly but understandably cynical, his optimism having been jaded and tamed into realism.

"I have a lot of opinions on a lot of people. But if we're talking about you specifically... lots of complicated feelings and opinions." He folded his arms, leaning against a patch of wall that wasn't totally covered in ice. "Empathy, mostly. High society doesn't look kindly on those who are different especially when it's obvious. But also a lot of anger because you're clearly an intelligent woman and if Arkham had treated you like a human being, if the medical profession in general had treated you like a human being, you might not be here. You could be talking half of the elite into finishing the programs the late Bruce Wayne started." He paused, head tilted as he considered something. "Or running the Court of Owls."

They'd take her in a heart beat. As far as he was aware, they'd never tried to bring Mary into their ranks. Probably because of how unreliable she could be as an asset. She'd be vicious enough for it though. Probably dote on a little army of Talons.

"Was that all or did you want to pick my brain about your colleagues, friends and enemies?"

[authenticleviackerman]

I remember the first time that I laid my eyes on you. I thought that you were the most beautiful being on the planet. You had a slim, soft face with a button nose and big, warm brown eyes. It was the first time that I had felt love. That unknown feeling, which did cause me some anxiety as the love felt...forbidden. after all, I was expected to love men. When you first kiss me I was in a classroom full of people who didnt know about me, and I started feeling sick with worry.

I thought that I had misinterpreted my love for you for something else, but now I know that it was love, a true one, or at least more honest than the one I thought I felt for the boy who loved a version of me that I wasn't. Soon after that, you began seeing me. You struggled with your mental help and knowing how it all feels, I desperately wanted to help. You loved me despite the fact that I was disabled. I couldn't sleep and felt sick often, so I wanted to give it back.

I wanted to make you smile, give you something that would be a reason for you to get out of bed. You said you loved stars, so I wanted to go out with you and see them.

You often talked about ending your life, which made my heart stop, for just a moment. I couldn't stomach the mere thought of losing you like that, to never be able to gaze at your face again. Never hold your warm, soft hand, or feel your lips against mine, let you and I become one, for just a moment.

After some time, things got worse for you. I so desperately wanted to help. You told me how meds and doctors never worked, but I still wanted to help, after all, who would of they can't?

But what can a disabled man do? I struggle to get out of bed, I was so afraid of everything, including things I could not name. My parents told me to stop crying when I was a kid, and since I was sick, crying about literally everything, now I struggle to express my feelings. Yet, you told me how I did not understand.

You see, nobody can ever understand everyone completely. We're unique beings, with different feelings and personal histories, core moments which shaped who we are as members of this complex society. I told you this over and over, how no pain will ever be identical to another, yet you got angry, for which I felt very sorry.

I thought it would be better if I just didn't say anything much, so I did. You told me that something was wrong, and you could feel it. I did too, but I wanted to tell you later, because I had a gift I wanted to give you, before things fell apart.

However, you said that things had to end, and I knew you were right. I still couldn't help myself but cry. There were so many things I wanted to do with you, if only we had the time. If only I could help you enough to make you smile about more things than just intimate touch. You made me feel love for life, but Iacked the means to show you the same sight.

Now, months have passed, you moved on, got back with your ex, broke up, found a new lover. I didn't however, as you made me feel love for the first time ever. Now looking in the mirror, I doubt anyone could love someone who doesn't love himself at all.

But, after all this time, I know I loved you. You gave me the opportunity to feel like a real human, and I hope I can thank you for that one day. I just hope that I was able to make you feel like that as well, at least once.

[anemia-rp]

Yeah I’ve heard that a few times,if you’re worried about having a bad impression then you probably don’t.You’re probably right,deep down even the coldest people have to have a heart.

It’s a power struggle,and not the fun kind.That’s true people like to suppress those that they want to keep weaker than them.You really think so?

A work place?For the jewelry you make,or for everything you do?There are some things you can’t really understand what it’s like even if you can explain it.

Oh I understand that,I’ve been attracted to people for the wrong reason before…which is why I ended up in not good relationships.

Oh,I really do like them…but if I like someone enough I can be okay with not cuddling too much.I really only need them during bad times or if I’m not feeling well.

Yeah sorry,I like talking to you so you’re not scary anymore.

Oh like both of those too!I really like all the butterflies in Corpse Bride.It’s been a while since I’ve seen it,but I mostly remember the butterflies.Oh you do?How?

And some of the people who seem to have a warm heart can turn cold as well sometimes I guess. Or hide their bad traits behind a charming facade. I'm always skeptic that's why, especially when someone seems /too/ nice.

From what I can tell, yeah, there's quite some strength within you and maturity, too. Something many men lack, even if they're almost thirty. If you're just brave enough you could kick all their asses.

The jewellery and the fashion is something I create at home, just like I mostly do remixes on my laptop there. What else I do is actually top secret because humans would consider most of it as illegal, but let's say the mansion is for experiments, for office businesses and…for hosting business partners. You can imagine now what you will.

Some people mistake love for dependence I guess. It's not the fault of the victim though. It's a good feeling after all, having someone who can't live without you and who you have basically in your hands. Finding delight in stuff like that is one thing, but acting out on it is another.

Guess we all have our things we need when we're not feeling well. I'm mostly someone who wants to be left alone until I feel better. Prevents me from causing harm, too. It can get really bad when I'm pissed.

Yeah, okay, then I gotta live with being unscary I guess. Just wondering what you'd say if you'd saw my weapons. If you wouldn't get some goosebumps at least.

Damn pretty and sad, huh? The best things are probably a little sad. Like Jack Skellington I'm fancied by a lot of people but I feel as if not many really understand me and tend to being depressed when I don't get new challenges. And I have troubles letting others helping me. Mostly because I always think I get disappointed then since I only can rely on myself.

[juliathesuccubus]

A Black Rose

…My head…

…Fuck, it's like someone took a sledge hammer to it… My body is sore all over…

…Where the hell am I? This isn't my apartment or Grillby's loft…

As I sat up, I took a look around my surrounds to just… Gather my bearings if I'm even using that phrase correctly. Silk satin sheets, a bed bigger than a California King, and just a beautiful hotel room overall that I could never afford.

Shit. A hotel room? Wait…

…Yep. Naked as a jay bird—what the fuck and who the fuck did I do?! I just… i just blindly gave away my virginity just like that?! God, Julia, you fucking idiot! Who did…?

...Wait, I remember...

I was getting drunk off my ass last night and the skeleton monster I met was trying to cheer me up, telling bad puns left and right and my dumbass started firing back a few puns and flirts right back, cuz, hell, my inhibitions are all gone and I'm three sheets to the wind, so... Why not shoot my shot with a cute monster?

Shit, what else...?

Kissing...

Teeth pressing and rubbing against my lips...

The cold bricks pressing and rubbing against my back...

Warm bones pressing into the fat of my thighs, squeezing my breasts... It was like they wanted to touch as much of my flesh as they could; as if I could just disappear the moment they let go...

Their bones, cold, but oddly warm... The texture felt so different... rough and smooth... The texture of their magic on my tongue popped and fizzled like pop rocks or zotz fizz candy... The taste of whiskey and... apples...

It was hot...

It was too hot...

I wanted more and... I didn't care... I was like something deep inside me just didn't want to stop and I needed him and he needed me...

It felt like a blur... My body weightless and the void of everything until my body landed on something soft below me and above... That same skeleton monster. He looked at me in such a way I don't think I've ever seen before... Do skeleton monster's eye... lights??? Do they change depending on mood? They looked like a bright blue for a moment there... Maybe it was a drunken imagination...

God... We had sex, didn't we...?

How is that possible with a skeleton? Then again, if one could french kiss a skeleton, then it's probably possible to do the deed.

His eyelights were so beautiful... Like a galaxy... His bones were so pretty... We held hands and clung to each other... Nothing else mattered except us...

Well, what a way for one to lose their virginity. A one night stand. I'll probably never see that guy again... But it did feel nice to feel wanted, even if we were drunk.

Huh? A note with a... black rose?

"Until we meet again, starlight."

Damn, that... I think I felt my heart flutter. Maybe he's just being sweet. Time to do my first walk of shame and get to job hunting and trying to figure out my life before I become homeless, I guess...

--

The walk back home was... weird. I always had an anxiety and paranoia mixed cocktail of feelings being out in the open. Feeling like all eye would be on me. But today, it literally felt like people were freaking staring at me--mainly monsters. The area I stay at is mostly monster populated, and while I understand that some monsters were wary of humans, they never stared at me like they are today. It felt weird...

Looks of concern

Looks of digust

Looks of... Curiousity?

Why were they staring at me? I made sure to shower and look presentable like I totally didn't get my back blown out and didn't smell like I did, so why...?

Making it to my apartment building, I crossed paths with one of my neighbors--a dog monster named Eve. She lived here with her husband and their big litter of pups. We aren't friends, but we're friendly enough to where if they needed help, I'd try to do my best.

"Oh, Ms. Julia! Are you... Okay? I got worried when you didn't come home last night. I didn't hear you playing you Law & Order show you like to watch." She made a face, looking at me before speaking again, "Did you... Stay with Grillby? I know you two are close."

"No, no, it's not like that. Grillby and I are just friends. I just got drunk and... Yeah. No, no, I'm fine. Is something wrong? You're making a face..."

"I'm alright, don't worry about me, just... Take care of yourself, alright? I'm right across the hall if you need anything, okay?" Eve have a have smile before taking the elevator.

Weird, but... Okay. Guess she's just being a mom and worried about me.

--

The next couple of... Fuck, days? Weeks? My mind is all muddled. I'm always so tired. I'm so drained... I almost collapsed grocery shopping and I barely wanna eat anymore. It like a piece of me is missing and I dunno why? Maybe it's stress from the job hunt or maybe trying to keep on top of my bills?

I tried to go to Grillby's to take my mind off things and vent, but he refused to serve me anything alcoholic, but made some food for me and just pointed at the bottled water since he doesn't touch the stuff himself. The food was... Very overpowering, but Grillby just told me to try and eat as much as I could anyway to keep my energy up. He just looked worried and wondered how I've been since that one night. After some chatting, he wondered how long I've been feeling crappy and recommended I go to the doctor nearby for a check up and medicine.

A pain in my ass and wallet, but...

The first doctor had no idea what was wrong, and just played it up to stress and to make sure I keep on top of my iron supplements so my anemia wouldn't act up again.

"Grillbs the doctor just said it was stress and my iron is prolly low. You know I have anemia issues..."

"Was it a human doctor?"

"Yeah?"

"I said to go to the one nearby. They're a monster doctor."

"Not to sound ignorant, but they're a monster doctor and I'm a squishy meat-sack human."

"Trust me, this will be the right doctor for you. Business is slow right now so if you need to call me back, I'll be available."

...No...

...No way...

No fucking way this is possible. I-I gotta go home right now. I'm gonna be sick. This has to be a joke.

This can't be real...

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit!

Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit...! What the hell do I do? I can't do this! This can't be real... This is too much...!

[Previous: What A Night]

[psychoteacup]

to my future self, i guess.

I guess there's a couple of ways to go about this.

First things first, I really hope you're far ahead in our journey. That you held tight to the blind belief in our purpose and jumped off the fool's cliff, starting the walk step by step, reaching hills and mountains and rivers and more.

I hope you didn't give up. I believe in you, I know you won't. Sometimes we're going to be very close to the edge, and as it is sharp, it is tempting. It's okay to look at it, to imagine it, to feel the cold wind on your skin. But know that you'll always step back and look to the sunrise behind you. That's where you want to go.

I'm not sure why we chose this life, I can only feel it's right. I hope it pans out in the end. As you can see, now I have my doubts, but blame the blindness of a sad song. We have surely reached lows and heights together. Every battle wound is imprinted in our soul, a memory. Each one of them making us stronger, wiser, happier. Believe it or not, we're better off now.

I was asking myself about this purpose... I was asking myself about my voice, about my message, about my heart and soul. Why me? I just realized that I have more love inside of me than anything else. Love is what keeps me up and running. Love is what never lets me give up. We want this not because of money or fame. We want to tell stories to heal people. We want them to feel seen and loved. We want to spread messages of empathy and care, even in the darkest struggles of the night. The last spark isn't hope, it's love. Everything you do today is for love. You want a better world, your desire is genuine.

There may have a few strands of ego and desire behind, after all, we're human and flawed. Maybe I wasn't loved enough to look for it on loud applauses, but maybe all we want is to give out the love we didn't have in the first place. No one should feel like this, no one should feel like they're last than.

Perhaps feeling the deepest and scariest feelings have a purpose after all. We need to save people, in one way or another. Surely, I'm not saving the world from doom, but I'm going to save me and you from ourselves.

And it's through life and living, I suppose. No, don't fear it. If you do, run towards it. Dare to feel free. Understand and accept your flaws and breaks. We're imperfect and authentic. There's not a shade of color like our soul. You're unique and singular. Perpetually doomed to serve humanity with the tales of our heart. Tell them what they need to know. Be a channel, be a path, be a tunnel. Find the light and give it away.

And if the light is too bright, my love, come back here. Remember this ground zero, this point where we now have nothing but a belief and a hope for the future. Remember everything you have fought for and how the universe gave you a role to fill. Nothing on this earth can suffice your desires. Find the light and give it away. Find yourself and give it away.

This earthly living is but a glimpse of your soul. Trust your mind and come back to me anytime you need to breathe. I'll always be here for you, to remind you of the littlest things in life. I know it's scary out there, but we have to get out. We have to start.

We will arrive and when that happens, you'll understand that there is still so much more to walk on. Listen to the sound of the wind and the ruffle of leaves. Touch the earth and feel the water. Warm in the heat and dance in the air. Ground yourself. Find your calling. Listen to what they have to say. They'll always be here for us. They're here right now with me, in the past, and they're there with you, in the future.

I hope you write back to me one day, with tears in your eyes, happy that we've made it. That the silly little dream that girl had was real and that voice was God.

Be kind, be lovely, be true. You're not alone. You're never alone. Dare to fly, dare to be as giant as you can. Dare to touch the stars. Live amongst them. You are one.

I love you, don't ever give up. For us, for you, for me. For the world.

[spideyanakin]

doth time waste me (p.p) - chapter 3

synopsis - (eternals! reader) after decades of loneliness, you finally found a family, someone to love. but what will happen when the deviants reappear, and you discover that your purpose wasn’t what you thought?

warnings - spoilers for the eternals, mysterio never revealed Peter Parker’s identity,swearing?

word count -

back to main masterlist

series masterlist

"Let's go." Ikaris looked at you with his usual piercing glance which you still hated after 3 000 years of being away.

"I can't go now-" You looked behind you to see Peter who was standing there, confused out of his mind. "I have to tell them I'm going at least."

"They know you're an eternal?" you sensed the disbelief in Ikaris's voice

"Yes." Your confidence annoyed every bit of him.

"Y/n do you understand the dangers-"

"No, Ikaris." You put your foot down. "I probably don't understand, and I'm ok with that." Your tone was enough to make him want to break every building in New York with his eyes. "Now. You will meet me in two hours at the Avengers compound upstate." You grumbled before turning to face Thena and Kingo.

"I'll see you in 2" You nodded before leaving them without another word.

"Hey who are they?" Peter frowned when you didn't stop walking and he had to catch up with you. "Hey Y/n/n-" He started taking longer strides to try and catch up - damm you were a fast walker. "Y/n, what happened?"

"Nothing." You sighed to try and release the anger from your conversation with Ikaris. "Can you call Happy and tell him we're waiting at the Starbucks. I-" You sighed and realized how rude you were being to Peter. "Sorry- I-"

"Hey it's ok." He placed a hand on your shoulder, using the other one to fish his phone and dial Happy's number. "You can tell me later."

~

A Starbucks later and you were in the car heading to the Avengers compound.

"Now Y/n/n can we talk about the fact that you looked like you wanted to break every single thing in existence after you talked to these mysterious people?" Peter wondered before taking another sip of his milkshake.

You chuckled at his sentence, and Peter smiled with you. You had seemed to ease up in the last few minutes and it warmed his heart so see you that way.

"They're the Eternals."

Peter choked out his milkshake.

"THE CAR PETER, THE CAR!" Happy screamed from the front which made you giggled.

"I'm sure you can pay for a cleaner, Happy." You chuckled as you grabbed a napkin and started cleaning the drink off Peter.

"They're the Eternals?" He brought his eyes back to you. "What did they want?" His voice got small, as if he was scared they were going to steal you away from him.

You bit your lip before answering. "They want to get the group back together." You handed him a weak smile. "Because of the Deviants." You saw Peter slowly stiffen at your words.

"And..?" He didn't dare voice the rest of his sentence.

"I agreed. They're meeting me at the compound in two hours." Peter took your hand and gripped it with everything in him. "Peter it's going to be ok."

"But- But the last time the deviants weren't fought for-"

"Peter" You chuckled at his sudden panic. "Peter I'm not going to leave you for thousands of years." You squeezed his hand back and placed the other on his cheek "I'm going to come back once I know what's going on, ok? I'll be back before you know it. I'll help my friends fight them, and then I'll come back to you - and Bruce can make me human."

"Ok" He nodded. "I trust you." He swallowed.

~

Too early for your taste, you found yourself facing The Eternals.

You felt ptsd from the civil war in Berlin as you found yourself in a line with the rest of the Avengers, standing face to face with... also in a line - the Eternals.

You suddenly felt uncomfortable as for a few seconds, you felt your old friends stare at your new family almost with disgust. The tension built up before you finally cleared your throat.

"Alright." You nodded. "I'm ready." You turned around to face the Avengers. "I'll see you in a few weeks max."

"Be careful." Tony came to hug you. "That guy with the good hair and the silver streak doesn't seem nice." He whispered in your hear which made you chuckle.

"You're not totally wrong."

You said goodbye to the rest of the team, dreading the moment where you had to say goodbye to Peter.

The second you felt his arms around you you made yourself remember everything about him. His warmth, the way your bodies hugged together like two pieces of a puzzle, the smell of his perfume mixed with the faint new car smell of his spidey suit.

"Come back to me" He sighed into your arms.

"I promise I will Peter." You nodded into his arms, blinking the tears away. You pressed a kiss to his cheek before moving away, his hand still holding yours until you were too far.

And just like that, you were gone.

Back with the Eternals.

~

"So what's the deal?" You wiped a tear from your cheek as you snuggled a little bit more into the fancy leather seat of Kingo's private jet. You brought your stare back to the group - everyone had morbid looks on their faces and the plane was so quiet it almost made you a little angry. "If your depressed faces are about the fact that I'm an avenger-"

"Ajak's dead" Sprite blurted and you thought your heart was going to stop beating.

"What?" You whispered in disbelief. "I- how-"

"A deviant" you were blind to the way Ikaris's back straightened up. "We found her dead in front of her house" Sirse continued and you stayed quiet, unable to form a proper sentence.

You tried to remember the last time you saw her.

It was the year you met Peter.

Autumn had sent it's chill down the streets of New York. You snuggled a little more into your jacket as you made your way down to the coffee shop you loved so much.

Entering it, you let the sound of the door bell fill your ears. The comforting sound bringing a bit of warmth back to you. You smiled as you made your way to the counter, and double checked the menu as you wondered if you were going to take something new for once or your usual order.

Settling on your usual order, you took the warm drink with a smile and turned around to scan if there were any free seats. To your surprise your eyes fell on the one person you never thought you'd see here, in this coffee shop.

It was Ajak.

She was looking right to you, with her piercing glance. Hands wrapped around a cup of coffee, a plate that use to host a chocolate cake resting next to it. You froze for a second, you hadn't seen her in years.

You knew she wanted something from you. The way her stare was directed at you, and the way the seat in front of her was screaming for you to sit on.

Her face softened and offered you a small smile. You took a nervous breath before walking to her, taking your coat off and sitting.

"Ajak."

"It's been a while." She smiled before taking a sip of her drink.

"Yeah-" You caught your breath - terrified she was going to scold you for everything you'd done.

"I hear you're quite the hero now." She smiled and you found yourself nodding. "You thought I wouldn't recognize my Temis? Hunt is a cute name though. It seems to suit you." All words were stripped from you. "You seem to have found your place in the human world."

"I- Look Ajak, before you say anything. I want you to know that-"

"That you're happy helping humans." It wasn't a question, more of a calm statement. Her tone even took you by surprise.

"Y-Yeah. I love doing it- and I-"

"I don't want your justification, Y/n" Her eyes were smiling as she spoke and the use of your new name warmed your heart. "I came here to tell you that you shouldn't worry."

"Sorry?"

"I think it's good what you're doing."

"But-"

"I know I've said things. But I see what you do. I came here to make sure you didn't feel guilty. All the others have found happiness in their lives - you deserve it too." To your surprise - she didn't mention Arishem.

You couldn't seem to speak - only nod with a smile as you felt a weight fall down your shoulder.

"Y/n?" Kingo's voice brought you back.

"Y-Yeah um sorry." You wiped a tear that had seem to fall again before shacking your head to bring your stare back to Kingo. "How are the others?" You changed the subject.

"We're going to get them. Next step - Phastos then Druig then Makkari." Kingo opened a pack of chips and shared one with you and Sprite.

Sirse looked at Ikaris and then back to you.

"There's more to it." She cleared her throat before starting to explain.

The more she talked the more you couldn't hear what she was saying.

Your purpose here, waiting for Arishem to give you a signal to leave back to Olympia, the deviants.

Everything that you have ever believed in was a lie.

You weren't here to fight the deviants, you were here to kill them so they wouldn't kill humans. You were taking care of a giant chicken coop, cultivating humans so the celestial had enough to eat. You were a robot, a killing machine designed to kill beasts.

You didn't have a heart. You didn't have organs or cells.

Even if Humanity survived, Bruce could never turn you human.

"Y/n, say something." Kingo frowned when her saw the shock on your face.

Suddenly you felt a hand on your shoulder, which you recognized as Thena's.

"Hey, beastie" yes this is a Maleficent reference She murmured and your body started shacking under the mass of information that you had just received. "Y/n, get yourself together" she squeezed your shoulder.

"Humans made you weak." Ikaris mumbled as he turned around to open the mini fridge. Your wrist closed in anger, almost making your knuckles white.

This time your body had stopped shaking.

"Weak?" You opened your eyes to face him. He looked completely unfazed as he chewed on some candy "Weak?" You stood up and walked towards him, the rest of the group not bothering to stop you as they watched the scene unravel. "You think I'm weak?" you felt a bitter taste in your mouth. "I think you should look in the mirror before you call me weak. You think you're so strong? The 'new leader' when it's not even you Ajak named leader now that she's gone! You think you're so strong? You feel like you're better than all of us just because you can fly and shoot lasers out of your eyes? Well, take a second to look at yourself!" You never felt so confident. "What have you been doing for 3 000 years? Nothing. At least I've been using my powers for good. You've been sitting around mourning the fact that you left Sirse for Arishem knows why! You've been so full of yourself that you've done nothing with your life! Everyone else has. Sirse is a teacher, Gilgamesh is keeping Thena safe, Kingo is making great movies-" You saw the look on Ikaris's face and knew more then ever that you were right. "You've done nothing with your life and now you expect me to take life lessons and orders from you? I don't think so-" You shook your head. "I'm not the weak one here Ikaris."

He wanted to bark back for Sirse placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"She's got a point" Gilgamesh mumbled.

"You want me to blow this plane up?" Ikaris growled and the poor man sunk in his seat.

~

The next thing you knew you were standing in font of a white picket fence house - just like the one Mysterio had shown you back in Berlin.

You wanted to hate Phastos for it. He had found a life. He was happy, he was married, he had a family. You almost wanted to cry at the sight.

He had everything you ever dreamed of having.

"What are you doing here?" You watched as he approached the three of you. He looked at Sirse and then to Ikaris, his eyes softening when he met yours.

"Is that how you greet your favorite?" You snickered, doing your best to smile as he closed you in a hug.

"Of course not, I just saw Ikaris's stupid face first." He whispered, and you felt a giggle fall from your lips.

Minutes later and you were all standing around his dining table.

"I'll understand Phastos." You looked at him and saw Ikaris's eyes stare at you so intently you thought he was going to blow you up. "If- if you don't want to come with us. You have my support." No matter how much it pained the others, you understood what he was feeling.

The pain of having to leave his family, all that to make a come back as a super hero - for a cause you weren't even sure of winning.

"Why aren't you trying to convince me like the others?" He smirked which made you crack a smile.

"I understand where you're coming from." You nodded and that's all Phastos needed as an answer.

But he ended up agreeing.

All the group was now missing was Druig and Makkari.

The next day you found yourself heading towards a jungle.

"You should be happy" Ikaris grumbled as you walked out of cab and started walking towards the vast jungle in front of you.

"And why should I be happy, Ikaris?" His name felt bitter in your mouth.

"Because we're going to see Druig. Weren't you two a thing at some point?" The mere thought wanted to make you throw up.

"No- Where the heck did you get that?" You looked at him - you could never date Druig.

"Well, the two of you were always hanging out and joking around" Sirse replied, not wanting to see another fight between you and Ikaris.

"Well, no. He's like a brother to me." No matter how much you got along with Thena and Kingo, Druig was the only one who truly understood your principals.

That with one single action you had the power to help humans. You both wanted to use your powers for good.

You looked around and chuckled to yourself as you realized they were completely blind to him and Makkari.

You smiled at the thought of seeing him again. For a few seconds you seemed to be forgetting the pain of not even being human, of having a different purpose, of this planet potentially dying. It seemed to be slipping away from your thoughts as you remembered your time with Druig and Makkari before you eventually took different paths.

"Who was that boy? That day we came to get you?" Thena asked after moments of silently walking in the jungle.

"Oh Peter?" Your cheeks turned a little red. "He's my boyfriend." You smiled.

"He's quite handsome" she noticed.

"He is, isn't he?" You smiled as you remembered his face.

You didn't realize how much you missed him in the two days you had been away.

"You two make a cute couple." She bumped your shoulder. "Shame he's a mortal." You knew she didn't mean to hurt you by saying that, but the mere thought stung.

"Yeah."

"He looks better than any of your other boyfriends." She side eyed you. "Better than that Achilles guy you use to date back in Ancient Greece. Didn't want to break your heart but he was definitely gay."

"He was indeed." You winced at the memory. "There's a book that came out that's actually pretty good and made me realize he was indeed dating that Patroclus guy after and probably at the same time as me"

"Oh are you talking about Song of Achilles?" Kingo chimed in and wrapped his arms around you and Thena's shoulders. "I cried like a baby after reading that. I also laughed because I remember you telling us he was the love of your life. Sorry bestie."

"You were better off with that Paris guy after."

"That Paris guy ended up cheating on me, if I remind you. He dumped me the second he found someone better."

"Yeah with that Helen." Kingo remembered. "Which ended up causing a war, the war that killed Achilles."

"Eyes in front Kingo." you warned as you were all walking straight for a big tree branch.

The rest of the walk was weirdly fun. Even though you held sadness in the pit of your stomach from the bomb they had dropped you on the plane, catching up with your friends was heart warming.

Before you knew it, you had crossed the forest and arrived in a small village. It looked a little too quiet, but you tried to shake that thought off.

Suddenly a door opened, and you spotted your old friend.

"Druig!"

Taglist - Leave a note if you want to be added :)

@averyfosterthoughts @justifymyfeelings@slytherinambitious​ @ourfavoritesergeantbarnes @criminaly-supernatural @trustfundparker​ @tomhollandreads @prettysbliss​ @ksmy-99​ @sarcasticallywitty15 @bi-lmg @nerdy-collector-festival @lovely-blackinnon @hunnybunimdun @thekamiiiworld@tomsirishgirlx @izbelross @flowersgirl02 @musicconversedance@mrosales16 @badass-yn @jeyramarie @potters-heart @labellapeaky @vaella1821 @aloha-lu @darkened-writer @chaoticevilbakugo @xetherealbeautyx @wtrpxrks