#and it sounds so performative to they/them someone with binary pronouns

[carlyraejepsans]

So I'm about to ask something that might be personal ? And it deals with some personal baggage that you as someone on the internet might not be interested in hearing about ^^' so you might not want to talk about it as is your right obv !! So uh feel free to tell me to fuck off, but, how did you know you weren't cis?

Ya see, I've been questioning my gender for a while now, and I can't really come up with an answer. I'm a lesbian, that's a pretty big part of my identity, I'm not overly feminine but not masc either, when people refer to me as female I feel super uncomfortable, but I ain't too bothered by some of my body parts, ive daydreamed about switching to they/them pronouns online or masculine pronouns in my native language.... But all of that wouldn't fit with what people might expect of me ? And I'm scared if I actually went through those changes people might think I'm performing a form of queerness I shouldn't be privy to. And the worst part about this is, most of my friends are queer, non binary, trans... Wouldn't they think I'm trying to copy them ? Even though ive had those thoughts long before we met ?

Kinda feel like I'm stuck, and I don't know how to be myself, because myself might not align with how i act or how i seem to be on the outside. idk if you feel the same, but it's especially shitty living in a country with a heavily gendered language you can't escape adjectives forever lmaooo

listen to me. i am holding your face in my hands. nothing and i mean nothing you decide in regards to your gender and/or sexuality will ever be anyone's business but your own. the idea that you can "appropriate" someone else's experience with queerness is a gross bastardization of the discussion on CULTURAL appropriation, which is a false analogy and can devolve into gender essentialism fast.

you have no idea how many trans people (gay people too, but especially trans people) locked themselves in the closet because of that same feeling. of "not beeing privy to those experiences", especially for trans women. i promise, as long as you stop at establishing what a certain label means TO YOU and don't try to decide what it means for other people, then you will never hurt anyone. anyone who says otherwise is a cop.

there are trans men out there who lived as cis lesbians for a very long time, and because that was such a big part of their life, they still think of themselves as such, at least in part. for some it's out of kinship. for some it's out of genuine attachment to the word. same thing with gay men who grew on to become trans women. and trans people in general who still carry their younger selves right by their heart. genderqueers who ended up being cis after all, but who still feel like that period of exploration was crucial in shaping their identity. butch and femme alone, while particularly dear as lesbian identities, encompass all genders and sexualities. wanna know something funny? i throw terms around a lot in english, but if you asked me in italian what my gender identity is, i would say "bisexual". because almost every person in my life who's ever called me bisexual actually meant "nonbinary", or "whatever weird thing those transgendereds got going on lately" (some of them probably meant intersex as well, which just for the record i am not. as far as i know, at least). is it an outdated definition? sure. but unlike the literal italian word for nonbinary, bisexual is actually a neutral noun lol. and after all, my experience with gender does inform my sexuality, just as my sexuality informs my experience with gender. it's not wrong, technically. but if someone somehow assumes I'm a lesbian (which happens a lot lol) i don't usually correct them i just... go with it too, y'know?

anyway, what it sounds like to me is that you're obviously going through a period of questioning your gender and or presentation, which you took notice of, but you also feel some kind of peer pressure or societal expectation from other queer people that is denying you a safe, healthy form of self expression in this new period of your life that you obviously wish for yourself. please, try not to pay it too much mind. try out whatever label or description calls to you. change it without notice if you find something better. and if anyone gives you trouble for it, eat them. good luck buddy.

[euphoricfilter]

“cis asian man”

so by arguing that jungkook can’t be genderfluid or enby, last anon has basically stepped into muddy waters of implying that nonbinary is only a gender that people born female can identify as —or really only exist as

they’ve assigned a binary to where none should apply

like we do know that people can be nonbinary and present masc? right?

now im a black enby and i’ve faced the masculinization of black women which is essentially on the opposite spectrum of the emasculation of asian men.

there is something to be said about the emasculation of asian men but when it actually applies.

we can talk about asian men who are feminized and we can talk about how there are some asian amab enbies who are secure in their masculinity and feel disrespected when people emasculate them.

but that’s not what anon is proposing cuz they want jungkook to be cis in this story.

seeing the nonbinary identity as asian emasculation tells me that anon sees it as feminization instead of neutrality. you’ve essentially let yt supremacy get a hold of you, boo boo🤦🏽‍♀️

i won’t lie and say there isn’t a problem within the nonbinary community where many afab enbies fall into the trap of reaffirming the binary by subconsciously —or even maliciously— making say/doing things that only “women/afab” people can relate to only to label it as nonbinary discourse.

i’ve heard people born male/socialized male feel out of place in enby spaces because the tendency of thinking “afab = nonbinary”. this isnt true and should be shut down immediately.

anon is sounding like a radfem/terf who only accepts female/feminine enby in women’s spaces because amab enbies are still “men”

not all of us look like manic pixie dream girls who like frogs. cuz i promise you when you ask the average conservative or even liberal what a nonbinary person looks like its this very specific stereotype of “short haired white ‘woman’ who likes quirky things and dresses in cuffed mom jeans and a graphic tee with pride pins”

its not to say that these people are any less valid in the nonbinary identity than me but it doesn’t reflect the diversity of our identity gender or race wise.

plus its the fact that anon is okay with reader being nonbinary which i assume means that they think they’ll be reading as someone with a vagina.

and even if they recognize that the “holes” may bot be specified. they will probably delve into their own subconscious bias of imagining nonbinary reader with vagina cuz they already think “afab = nonbinary”

but their lil fantasy falls apart when they “have” to reader about nonbinary jungkook cuz they’ve condition themselves to see him as feminine and there for having a vagina.

(which i dont want this to be too long so i wont get into trans people who decide to transition to present towards a binary and still identify as enby. there are men/transmasc people with vaginas who still identify as enby. but also there are intersex people who have presented as women all their lives and have testicles and identify as nonbinary)

so all imma say is anon is puttin’ on their activism like a lil cosplay. its performative asf.

cuz going off jungkook’s recent photoshoots, he’s presents rather androgynous but still leans into his masculinity.

so fictional jungkook can look like calvin klein jungkook and have any pronouns

jungkook can have he/him, he/they, she/her, she/they and they/them or even neopronouns and still be a masc/androgynous enby

- pronouns doesnt specify gender

- gender doesnt specify presentation

- genitals doesnt specify either pronouns or presentation

example: im a nonbinary person who goes by she/they pronouns but i present very masc most of the time and i have a vagina. i’m secure in both my femininity/masculinity, but i don’t wanna be hypersexualized like society views black women and i also hate being hypermasculinized like how society views black men as brutish and predatory. but at the same time you’re not gonna strip me of the healthy relationship ive cultivated with both binaries. i’ve found my own way to express the binary that reaffirms my blackness and isnt determined by yt supremacist standards.

also very weird to assume our lovely author is black. wtf do we have to do with this? keep black people out your mouth cuz its obvi you’re tryna stir division amongst the black and asian community. go on somewhere.

this anon didnt have the range for this convo and i cant say i covered everything because race/gender is nuanced. its quite literally a infinite which is why intersectionality is important.

ooh im tired😭 this was long

there’s like minimal logic behind their argument, and are maybe talking about a topic they’re not exactly well versed in??

of course i can only say so much, from my own experiences and perspectives but i’m not ignorant, and that feels kinda like what they were trying to get at, that i’m a bad person and i’m dehumanising people and im racist 😭 like ??? idk where that narrative even came from?? it’s just sad to me that someone can invalidate a community of people based of a work of fiction and their weird bigoted views of enby people??

see that’s what i was trying to explain last night, being non binary is such a wide spectrum of things for different people when looking at their gender, or lack thereof. because every nonbinary person isn’t a set gender or way of expressing your gender, or how you feel about gender or you as a person and the way you present yourself. hence why i’d never exclusively label a reader non binary. gender neutral sure, because that then gives the reader freedom within themselves to actually see them within the character without me putting a stereotypical label on a nonbinary individual whose existence is gonna be so very different than the next enby individual.

i’m always very conscious about how i write my readers. because although i don’t necessarily see myself as the reader while i’m writing, there’s always going to be a little bit of myself projected onto the reader and i wouldn’t want to force how i view myself as a person onto everyone else who reads my stuff. hence why i’d never mention skin color or race or (in some cases) gender identity. for me, while writing smut especially, that’s where i find it hard to write a character who might be nonbinary, simply for the fact i don’t want to write an experience that i guess i wouldn’t fully understand the emotions of, hence why i would label the reader afab just so i’m not invalidating anyone’s experiences, i’d hate to do that

i’m really grateful that you took the time out of your day to write this, so that there’s another perspective put on the table, and i think it’s an important conversation to have especially if i’ve got weird people lurking on my blog when i’ve tried to make it very clear this is a safe space for all lgbtq+ friends, because really i love you all a lot and want this to be a nice community for us all. and thank you for articulating a little better what i was trying to get at!! idk why i find it hard to just put into words exactly what i’m thinking LMAO

we could talk forever about the masculinisation of black women and feminisation of asian men, it’s such a big topic to cover. and if the anon has actually idk had taken the time to explain exactly how i was disrespectful or racist without just flinging big words about thinking it was gonna make me second guess myself, then yeah i wouldn’t be so offended. but it’s like if you’re gonna come in my inbox with all these big claims then at least come knowing what you’re talking about?? i was gonna be generous and say they had a surface level understanding of the topic but i honestly think they don’t 🧍‍♀️ and again, i think this is a really important topic to bring up and talk about

there’s a reason i chose he/they pronouns for jungkook. i could have chosen they/them. and i had considered it, but if we’re talking about real life jungkook then especially with recent photos, although he’s very very androgynous, there’s still a comfortability within his masculinity, hence why i chose those pronouns for him for his gender fluid identity

fictional jungkook was very much inspired by the recent photos!! very much cutie fun calvin klein jungkook whose gender is so delicious i get mild envy but in a sorta good way!!

thank you for sharing your own experience too!!

OH YEAH idk why they assumed i was black?? it felt like a leeway for them to be racist and i’m not tolerating that on my page on top of them being stupid and accusing me of stuff i haven’t done 😭 i really don’t talk about myself all that much so i have no idea where that notion came from, i hope you guys just see me as like a lil floating star or something cute, just a little entity that writes for you guys as gifts because i like spoiling you 🏃‍♀️

that’s what i’m saying!! like at least come with some understanding of what you’re accusing me of before you start saying words you clearly don’t understand because you just sound stupid LMAO

again, thank you so so so much for even taking the time out of your day to explain all of this!! you’re literally the sweetest and i love you a lot, and thank you for being comfortable enough to share your own story too and helping me articulate what my lil pea brain has trouble saying without wanting to absolutely cuss that person out 🫂 you deserve a lil smooch after all that, and a fun little snack too so go get one!! MWAH 💞

[cochineal-leviat]

Yo! This is amazing! Thank you, Spectre! Your performance is awesome and the closest I have heard to what Flore might sound like. Technically, Flore would have an accent from Galar (England), but I am chalking the lack of accent up to Flore adapting pretty quickly to Paldea and its dialect.

'Hanata' took me out! XD. It is an actual Japanese name, but it is certainly not common. I am by no means an expert on Japanese, but from my own research over the years of being a weeaboo as a teenager, each name, despite sounding the same, can have widely different meanings based on what kanji is used.

Hanata made me giggle because it sounds so familiar to anata あな��. This is a 'you' pronoun but should not be used lightly. In Japanese culture, it is very rude to call someone you. But couples will call each other anata as an endearment like someone would say 'oh you' or 'darling'. So the chance of Kieran accidentally saying anata to Flore has me in stitches. It is so awkwardly and humorously adorable.

I am sure the intention was for 花太, which is the most common kanji I could find for the name. It means Hana (flower, or anything resembling a flower) and ta (great, bold, but it can also mean fat or thick).

華多 is another option, with Hana in this one meaning (flower, but blossoming flower) and ta (numerous or plenty. But it can also mean gratitude or admiration)

葉 using this for Hana is also pretty fun if you combine it with 太 or 多 as Hana for this kanji 葉 means (leaf, a flat object from a tree or branch. It also means parting or a sheet of paper). In full it becomes Nature 葉太 /葉多.

There are more combinations, but I will leave it at that. I am glad you didn't go for just Hana, as that is a very common girl's name. Hanako 花子 is a beautiful name, too, but also very feminine since it typically combines the kanji for flower and child, as ko is a popular suffix for girl names in Japan. Since Flore's creation began, because there is no non-binary option in the games, I would like to keep this genderless quality to them. Although any pronoun used for them is valid, officially, I use they/them for simplicity.

Kieran giving Flore a Kantionan name is very cute. I suppose Flore is not that easy to say in the Pokemon equivalent of Japanese. (Kieran strikes me as the kid to doodle wedding invitations for his first crush. He is just being pragmatic about it. Kieran is so awkwardly adorable)

(also, also, Flore reminding you of the Sun is pretty funny since they have a ghosty, dark academia theme with leather boots and fingerless gloves. But then again, from Kieran's perspective, they are pretty sunny and energetic, so I can see where the sun vibes come from. Let them pick between the sun and the moon, and Flore will always go for the moon for the aesthetic alone. But yeah, the sun fits them more)

Again, I am not fluent in Japanese, so there might be some mistakes here. Don't be afraid to correct me if so!

Thank you for the interest and all the love you've shown towards Flore and my pokemon fics! Happy birthday, bud! I hope you have a great day!

I DONT CARE THE PUBLIC, TAKE ANOTHER SNEAK PEAK!

This is not a fragment of a one shot, but its something i did that i planned post as a complement, since the original core of the one shot that is a week afar is a dancing scene between Kieran and Flore, whit this song

I hope Levi enjoys this! If he says so, I CAN BE THEIR VOICE MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

The art is from @cochineal-leviat !

THIS IS SO DIFERENT FROM WHAT I USE TO POST

The "Hanata" thing is because I wanted to give Flore a japanese name so the bud will look as the other pokemon characthers ins Ao3 (Japanese|English) and mixing Hana (Flower) and Hinata (From the sun) kinda made sense in my dumbass head

[mikoriin]

yeah i wouldve loved to share my experience with them!

i am a former trans man now cis woman, and i was on testosterone for about a year and a half. my initial dysphoria when it came to my female body was do to trauma. i saw womanhood and my body as being an object for mens use because of what i went though and also with everything going on in my life at the time of my transition i thought i needed to take control. control of something, anything. so i took control of my identity. if i was a boy, men wouldnt desire me. if i said i was trans then i meant it. and i was, and i was happy

however, when i began to physically transition when i was 19 i noticed something was wrong. i was becoming a man and i realized…this isnt what i want. this isnt what i need. my trans self was a way to protect the little girl that had been abused for so many years and when i saw myself become an actual man i didnt like it. i felt even worse dysphoria about my body. and so i stopped testosterone.

i hadnt begun my detransition until late 2019, right before we moved. i was very very confused because i no longer associated with who i was then, and being a man was miserable to me. i cant remember everything going through my head at the time, just that when i thought of how i would like to present, and what would make me the most comfortable, i felt being woman aligned was best. for a while i said i didnt care what people referred to me as, that i could go any pronouns or presentation. but the more i opened myself up to what i was thinking and feeling, the more i missed being feminine and girly and being myself. everything masculine that i ever did was performative because i wanted to be respected and seen as who i said i was. and i still think that if you tell someone ‘this is who i am’ even if its only for a short period of time, they should respect that. you shouldnt have to perform to be seen as the gender you are or you feel you are at the time. 

its been four years so far off T and 3 years since my detransition. i have my periods again because i am on birth control and let me tell you birth control REALLY helps. my boobs perked back up, my hips got wider, facial and body hair no longer grows as thick and as fast, weight distributes differently. i am a Woman. and ive never been happier with myself in my life. 

not everyone who transitions is going to be happy with the results, and that may lead them to detransition. however, that doesnt mean you arent still trans if you feel cis isnt right for you. you dont even have to physically transition at all to be a binary trans person either! gender is such an array of colors and sounds and textures. its different for each person. i was happy when i was trans because it protected me, but i no longer need that protection now because i am an adult who is recovering and healing from my trauma. play with your gender, experiment, research and identify with things that seem right to you. there is no wrong way to be trans, or even to be cis. and i wanna say, if you do realize youre cisgender in the end, no matter how long it has been (for me it was 7 years i identified as a boy) there is nothing wrong with it because at least you have the experience. 

[lesbianwhiptaillizard]

MYTH ABOUT GENDER #4: If you don’t identify with womanhood or manhood, you are agender or nonbinary.

For some people, and maybe you are one of them, their gender, sex, pronouns, etc. don’t feel “right”. But the opposite pronouns, gender, sex, etc. don’t feel right either. For some people, this feeling comes on suddenly, and for others, the discomfort seems to have always been there. Maybe it’s a little of both. In my case, it came on slowly from ages 14-19, peaking in college when I was 17-19.

Some people (let’s call them group A) don’t necessarily feel trapped by a role or dysphoric about their bodies, but rather they simply feel mislabeled. They see themselves as having both “masculine” and “feminine” traits, or as having many traits that seem to lie outside of the binary. Because of this mosaic of traits and preferences, they don’t feel it’s accurate to call themselves a “woman” or “man”.

Other people (let’s call them group B) are uncomfortable with the entire feminine or masculine gender. They are uncomfortable with hearing “she” or “he”, because of what those words mean to them. They can be distressed to the point of anxiety about the clothes they have to wear, the roles they are expected to perform, and the traits that get unfairly assumed of them.

And lastly, there are people (group C) who might have some or all of the above discomforts, but they also feel a deep physical dysphoria about their biological sex whenever they remember that they have sexed traits. There may be negative focus on their genitalia, breasts, general frame or shape, or other characteristics (such as periods). But instead of wanting the traits of the opposite sex, many (though not all) wish that they could forego sexual characteristics altogether.

I was part of group C, with characteristics of the other two groups. Every time I looked in the mirror, I was appalled by my female form. I didn’t necessarily want a penis, but I wished I didn’t have anything that reminded me I was a woman. I never outright started binding, but I did use tight sports bras to mitigate my curves. On top of this, I wished I could escape the confines of a word and group (“women”) that didn’t seem to describe me or be welcoming to the real me.

There’s so much I wish I could go back and tell myself.

But would I have believed my current self? Will you believe me now, especially you dear intrepid gender fugitives?

The truth is, as I’ve written about before, it is so incredibly normal to have many different traits, “masculine” as well as “feminine”, in one person. We are all highly complex human beings, and very few of us are naturally going to conform to what society believes women should be or men should be. I covered this in Myth #3. Masculine traits are not correlated to other masculine traits, and feminine traits are not correlated to other feminine traits. We are all mosaics.

Why should we have to change the words to describe our sex (“woman” or “man”) just because our mosaic is a little more rebellious than someone else’s? Is there no room in womanhood for “masculine” women? Is there no room in manhood for “feminine” men?

But what about people in group B? What if it’s more than a fear of being mislabeled? What if it’s a discomfort with the entire idea of “woman” (or “man”)? I would ask you to probe and explore that discomfort, just as I did. What I found when I probed mine was a misunderstanding of gender as a whole. If you have a visceral response to being called “she”, as I did, consider why that is. There is nothing inherent about that sound that causes discomfort. Could it be because “she” relates in the English language to your particular idea of what a woman is or should be?

I wrote in Myth #1 and Myth #2 about how gender is something forced upon us. We cannot actually identify out of it.This might be why you feel anger when thinking about your current gender (or, as is equally common for those considering if they are agender, you might feel nothing, confused why there is no experience of gender for you). No one is born with an innate sense of gender (as a role). We are reactive, choosing how we will relate to what is assigned to us based on our sex.

Imagine if someone gave you a box, full of stuff not based on what you liked, but what they thought you might like. You might like some of the stuff, or you might like all of it. You might hate what’s in the box, even though the person keeps trying to convince you that if you’re a real man/woman, you’ll like all of it. What’s the solution to this? Are more boxes the solution? What about saying, “Boxes are fine for most people, but I don’t want a box because I’m actually agender.”? Neither is the solution. If we believe in the equality of the sexes, we shouldn’t like gender or identify with the roles given to us at birth. As covered in Myth #1, they are unequal, unfair, and constricting. If boxes are unfair, we should question the entire existence of boxes.

As for those in group C, I will cover bodily dysphoria in another post. Since it is something I’ve experienced, and since it’s a very unpleasant, almost agonizing phenomenon, I would like to give it the time it deserves.

Bottom line: If I could have gone back and told my nonbinary/agender self one thing, I would have said: You can be a woman without all the fuss of gender. It’s totally allowed.

[edasnest]

Might you have any Raeda headcanons you'd be willing to share?

Oh shit I didn’t see that you sent this to me until now oh man.

But you better believe I’ve got some Raeda headcanons >:D

[Spoilers for Eda’s Requiem and Knock Knock Knockin on Hooty’s Door! Also a little bit of a character study regarding those eps lol]

Raine is constantly in awe of Eda. Eda’s desire to learn every kind of magic and buck tradition and societal norms sometimes leaves them breathless. When they were young, Raine always admired Eda for the clever pranks she’d pull using different kinds of magic despite being in the potions track. They also admired Eda’s boldness when it came to standing up for herself and her sister.

Eda found Raine to be interesting considering they were in the bard track despite their stage fright, but once Eda watched them perform and saw how they’d lose themself in the music was, no pun intended, magical. They had a fierce grip on Eda’s heart and she didn’t know why; she was fascinated by Raine and made it her goal to be best friends with this oddly shy bard (which she achieved pretty quickly).

After Eda’s curse caused her to unintentionally disable her dad, she was terrified of what it would mean if she was caught off guard like that again. So she started putting up walls. No stressful situations, no hard conversations, no sudden bright lights or loud sounds that she wasn’t the cause of. If she could be in control of her surroundings, she could control the Owl Beast. The elixir she’d discovered that could keep the curse’s side effects at bay helped maintain her sanity and her chill demeanor, but Raine was able to tell she was always slightly on edge. Raine knew about the curse; after Eda had transformed on the Grudgby field the first time everyone had been talking about it, but they didn’t know the extent of it. Everyone just said she’d turned into a monster and then fled; but what kind of monster?? But every time Raine tried to get more information about it, Eda would brush it off and change the subject. It broke their heart watching Eda brush off something that was clearly bothering her, and eventually it all came to a head. She was lying more and more often to Raine and they just couldn’t take it anymore. What happened to their best friend??? Why would she lie to them????? It was maddening and all the frustration and aching in their heart became too much. They needed to focus on something other than Eda. They weren’t nearly as bold as Eda, even after all these years, so they joined the Bard Coven in order to start teaching and building a career for themself. They’d happily welcome Eda back if she’d just tell them what was going on. But it never happened. Burying themself into their work and then, eventually, into the BAtTs helped keep the heartache at bay, but only sometimes.

Eda and Raine caught glimpses of each other as the years passed. They’d spot one another in the market or Raine would see a flash of unmistakable ginger hair dashing around a corner; sometimes they’d hear Eda yelling at some Coven guards and quietly hope she’d make her escape. Eda would occasionally see posters advertising a performance starring Raine; she’d either buy a ticket or sneak in just to listen to them play again. She could never stay for very long though because listening to them play made her heart hurt so much she’d be at risk of turning into the Owl Beast. Raine grabbed one of Eda’s wanted posters and keeps it hidden under some other paperwork in their desk, pulling it out sometimes and going over every detail of the artist’s rendition of her. One day, a new wanted poster came out - this one with a weird skull dog now part of the image and the bounty having increased significantly. Raine would always smirk whenever they saw the new version, although they were alarmed the first time they saw her drawn with all-grey hair. When had that happened? They weren’t that old yet, right??

The day Eda saved the BAtTs and figured out Raine’s secret was maybe the best day Raine had had in years. Their best friend was talking to them again, helping them with their plot. Raine didn’t bother pushing Eda about the last 20 years; their last conversation proved enough that Eda didn’t like it when people pried. But Eda had become not just older, but so much more kind and open. To a degree that sort of shocked Raine. When they asked Eda if she had nothing to lose and Eda took their hand, it was like they’d gone back in time. As if they were both 20 again and daydreaming about a world they’d create for themselves where covens weren’t there to shackle witches down and stage fright didn’t exist; where Eda’s curse never happened and they could stay there on that hill forever.

Eda of course was warring with her own emotions during all of this; she was under the impression that everyone in her life was leaving her again. And not because she was pushing them away this time, but of their own volition. She got her big sister back only for her to go back home to their parents after just a few weeks. She overheard King talk about leaving to find his dad and her apprentice - the first person to ever break down all of Eda’s defenses and show her how to love again - was constantly working on ways to go back to her own home. Eda would be left with Hooty and Owlbert and absolutely nobody else and that hurt so much more than she cared to admit. So when Raine showed up in the town square with their BAtT mask on, using their magic to turn some coven guards into bumbling fools, Eda was a little shell-shocked. The first person to leave her of their own volition was right there in front of her and needed help. So she helped them. And when she became invested in their plots to free wild witches, she felt like she was a teenager again, plotting out pranks with Raine in her secret shortcuts room at Hexside, blushing at every interaction they had because even after all this time, Raine was still Raine. Her Rainstorm. It was like she was starting over, like the last 20 years had faded away, except they hadn’t. Because Luz and King were competing in a race that she needed to be there for. Her past and her present were all different types of painful but finding Raine like this again gave her so much hope! Until she realized she wouldn’t see the end of that race, not if it meant stopping Belos. And she was ready for that, ready for the pain to just stop already, but Raine wouldn’t let her.

Losing Raine again was so much worse the second time. But what they said stayed with her and Eda needed to get back to King and Luz. So when she got back and discovered they’d lost, of course her first thought was to help them. Anything to take her mind off of what she’d just lost. And when King announced that he wasn’t leaving at all, he was legally changing his name? She was “stuck” with him forever? That was too much and she just couldn’t hold it in anymore. Someone wasn’t leaving her. In fact he was legally binding himself to her. No one was leaving, at least not any time soon. Eda definitely still cried more that night after King and Luz had gone to bed.

In the future, Eda and Raine agree to start from scratch: Eda explains the curse to them in detail, all the things she’s learned about it over the years and specifically with Luz and King and Hooty’s help. She explains that Lilith was the one that gave it to her to begin with and why (Raine is appalled like???? Raine specifically worked with Lilith in that last year before they had been made head of the Bard Coven?? And Lilith showed maybe irritation at best at the mention of Eda, so like?? What the fuck???). Eda also explains how she’s come to accept the curse as something that’s part of her and the history the Owl Beast has that she got a glimpse of which is super intriguing to Raine. Also Harpy Eda was a thing which was maybe the most surprising part of it all.

Raine in the meantime tells Eda about their time working their way up the ranks of the Bard Coven, how they met each of the BAtTs and recruited them, the façade they had to maintain to stay on track to become the head of the Bard Coven (something that greatly impressed Eda given Raine’s history with being an awkward actor).

Eda introduces Raine to Luz and King to which both of them start shooting rapidfire questions at them and overwhelm them pretty quickly. Eda has to shoo the two away before Raine just bursts out laughing, saying something about how they’re definitely Eda’s kids (all of them blush while Raine is laughing). Luz is just as fascinated with Raine’s Bard magic as Eda was when they first met and the similarities between the two are striking. Raine tells Eda as much later on and Eda begins gushing about what a great apprentice Luz is and everything she’s done during her time on the Boiling Isles.

They fall easily back into dating once they reconnect properly and everything’s calmed down a little - Raine will still be humming a piece they’re working on and suddenly grab Eda and begin dancing to the tune, Eda laughing the whole time and making their heart soar. Eda will still play with Raine’s earring when they’re cuddled up together just chatting. Raine will start asking Eda again for her opinion on musical pieces they’re working on and Eda will make suggestions along with some jokes or snide commentary. They both still love watching the clouds overhead on their hill, sometimes playing music, sometimes just holding hands.

Raine loves watching Eda interact with Luz and King. They love watching how easily Eda loves them and how much she’s changed since they first broke up. Once they’re alone together, in a moment total admiration for how far they’ve come, Raine tells Eda they love her. Eda immediately kisses them and starts crying, repeating Raine’s words back to them and mumbling about how she’ll never let Raine leave ever again.

A canon Non-binary love interest to a main character that uses They/Them pronouns??? In my kids cartoon???? It’s more likely than you think.

Anyways I fucking love Raine and I love how much Eda and Raine love each other and I can’t wait to see what ends up happening with Them™️

[catholicdaredevil]

if your pronouns are they/them what are you transitioning too?

ok i am gonna answer this based off a couple assumptions and if im wrong feel free to correct me

number one being that this is about me tagging that post "i am litcherally trans"

and two that you are operating under an outdated idea that being trans as a label is only for people who are actively transitioning/have fully transitioned

so here goes:

being trans is an umbrella term that encompasses anyone who isn't cis!

this means trans women, trans men, non binary people, genderfluid people and so on

and while there's people from every one of those groups who may choose to socially or medically transition it's not required of anyone in order to truly be trans

not to mention for people outside of being men or women (and even within those) transitioning can mean lots of different things

some women like having a dick and they don't have to get rid of it or act like they don't in order to be a woman and the opposite goes and so on and so forth

it's just really important to remember that peoples id's as trans and their journeys or pathways thru being trans are incredibly unique and no two people have the same or the same thoughts about themselves or gender

i think one of the biggest things that helps to grasp that is coming to terms with the idea that parts are not gender

penis is not boy

vagina is not girl

this means that the physical and literal act of "transitioning" is not necessary for being trans

whether its because it can be expensive, or unsafe depending on your living situation or area (or even in general; trans women are at an incredibly disproportionate rate of being murdered), or personal preference/ideas/concepts of gender

gender can mean different things to different people

like i said some women like having a dick and for other women they dont and each is feminine and each is a woman they just have different ideas of what being feminine looks and feels like to them

anyways on the subject of me personally and my identity in its ties to my gender

i am not a woman, and i dont like being called or referred to like one. i am also not a man, but i dont mind being called or referred to like one.

i like different things and expressions that are frequently considered to be gendered on both sides (ie. getting my nails done, working on my car)

i personally when i get dressed up in a feminine sense it feels like a performance or like dress up and it's fun and i do enjoy presenting femininely at times for that

but in my everyday i tend to present more masculinely as i feel it aligns with who i am and how i express myself as a baseline

i feel the most aligned with a term i call "gender chaos" my all time goal in terms of gender expression is to be someone who's difficult to nail down gender wise i want strangers on the street who just give me a passing glance to be confused lfmdkd it sounds like a joke and it is funny to me but also i am serious

so my pronouns are in my bio because on this hellsite i would like people who are talking to or about me to gender me correctly so i put them there for yall to see and if you wanna chose not to use them or respect them thats fine im just gonna block you cause while i dont care because no one elses opinion on my gender matters to me i also am not gonna put up with it so big ole blockerooni right there

anyways i hope this answers your question and if not feel free to ask another i personally dont mind spending time discussing and answering questions about my gender but keep in mind not everyone has the time or emotional energy to do that all the time and trans people do not owe you explanation or education!!

all the love,

ezra

[meyecy]

wait what’s the taz:g situation 👁

god there is so much going on there. entire scenes are just travis talking to himself to the point where the players are so noticeably checked out that justin literally didnt care that they levelled Twice in one ep. clint didnt remember his own subclass because they dont get to play. they literally didnt recognise key npcs because travis introduces so many and theyre all completely indistinct

there’s also the problem with his “rep” being deeply obviously performative and stemming from someone who hasn’t actually talked to the people he’s trying to represent. it’s all really, really shallow and, in the nicest way i can word this, sound like a cishet abled person’s idea of what these people Probably sound like

(most noticeable in this case for me personally introducing a non-binary person literally yelling their pronouns upon meeting them, and travis introducing a character in a wheelchair, them being like ok, and then LITERALLY ASKING “don’t you want to ask about my wheelchair?” because, you know, as a disabled person i love to tell strangers about my mobility devices upon meeting them!)

although one of the most egregrious cases of all came in a recent ep where (serious tw for drugs and coercion:)

one of his NPCs leads the boys into a forest, then FORCES them to ingest a mixture of drugs that the players are CLEARLY, VOCALLY uncomfortable with. this is spun as something Good and Justified actually, because it “fixes” one of the pc’s issues with his magic. a pc whose player is clearly not cool with this development and is given no agency or chance to stop this from happening.

there is absolutely no attempt from travis to acknowledge that this was wrong and fucked up and no consequence for the NPC.

[jewlian]

As a non-binary person, dont you think you're taking this too far? I refuse to say anything hateful to you as you do not deserve it, but they identify as nonbinary and have for a while, and you dont have to have gender dysphoria or anything like that to be trans ( I say that as someone who does lol) so why cant they make a trans joke? it wasn't offensive in any way and didnt take away from the fact asra is nonbinary, but one thing, that I have to state, AS a POC trans creator, is that I dont support you going around telling people they have to make straight white cisgender ocs just cause they are, if they are educated on the topic and are not using harmful stereotypes about certain races or religions, they shouldn't be banned from that. That is extremely harmful to say and you probably should think before you type. Dont go around bashing people like a child for no actual reason at all.

You're on anon so i'm taking all your claims with a grain of salt but first of all i know you don't need dysphoria to be trans lmfao i never said anything about dysphoria i said the person in question is cis but uses they/them pronouns online because they like sounding "anonymous" which is something that has come out of her own mouth.

And no I don't believe cis people should be making jokes about trans people or their identities even if they are "harmless" in nature. It's disingenuous as fuck. I'm not making jokes about the black experience because I'm not black cis people shouldn't be making posts about the trans experience either point blank. they're commodifying transness for clout and it's not their fucking playground. And it applies to other groups as well. I'm sick of seeing able bodied people get their hogs cranked by this fandom for making amputation jokes or blindness jokes as well.

the problem is they're not educated on the topic though anon that's my point I'm sick of white cis able bodied people making brown trans disabled characters and getting hyped for the "representation" they provide in the fandom when all of their characters are microaggressions piled on top of each other. You can't provide representation for a group you're not apart of. Yes white cishet able bodied people can create diverse characters but there becomes a point where it's all performative because they can't do so without patting themselves on the back for renting other people's experiences. Until then they can stick to cishet abled whites!!!

[solarcitymelodies]

Wowza sorry y'all about the random massive Rockafire spam, I'm pretty sure ??most?? People on here? know me for just Knight Rider because that's the only thing I've ever REALLY posted about--

but I Do Not Care it's RAE hours right now so uhhh here's some headcannons that probably aren't Canon compliant very much because I just got into RAE like last week

So like. I feel like Mitzi is a Good Amount younger than the rest of the band like she was in highschool when she joined, the rest of em were all Adults™ and she was a little bit nervous about it because...... ADULTS™

She was just lookin for a place to get her singing voice out there, because ya girl REALLY wanted to perform, and showbiz happened to have a slot open, but she did not expect all of the members to be older than her (although looking back, she realized she probably should have expected that)

It was intimidating at first but Billy Bob and Fatz were just the absolute sweetest and they introduced her properly to the rest of the band because she was like "oh I barely talk to them because I get nervous :(" and the resident dads p much said "aight we can do all the talking for you then, how about that?" And badabing badaboom she's now attached to these two and like honestly who isn't or maybe that's just me but ANYWAYS I feel like the band would become a second home/safe space for her

Yeah fr some reason I have BIG long headcannon for her joining the band but the rest of them? Nobody knows how they got there for all I know they just Showed Up One Day

Also I came across this

https://youtu.be/UU7BeUWQBDI

Which got me thinkin about what my headcannons were as far as sexuality/gender stuff

And I find the concept of Billy Bob being Very Much Straight And Ignorant but trying his hardest to be a good ally SO funny like if someone came out to him he'd probably be like "oh!! I don't understand why you would choose that lifestyle but I respect you!!" not realizing how incredibly stupid he sounds sjkrjh like I don't think he can very easily wrap his head around how people are just. not cishet. so he's like "OH then it must be a choice, right? like you can choose to be gay but you're born straight. Right?" and everyone just shakes their heads in the background but he does earnestly try his best and my man would rather DIE than disrespect someone's pronouns I know this for sure

Fatz is pretty similar, straight ally and a lil confused but he's got the spirit, you know? He still least knows being gay (as well as,,, m o s t sexualities that aren't straight, although some he doesn't get/know about at all) isn't a choice but he hasn't quite grasped that being trans is also not a choice. He will respect your pronouns to hell and back but by god he doesn't get it,,, he's trying though and he feels very accomplished in himself that he's starting to get the hang of using they/them even though he slips up a lot

The rest of the band encourages the HELL out of these two because they're. Trying their best and making an honest effort which is more than a pretty good chunk of people would give

Rolfe, Earl, and Dook are the reasons Billy Bob and Fatz are trying so hard to understand it lmao

Rolfe took it upon himself to hang up a MASSIVE gay pride flag backstage, being the flaming homosexual that he is, and the rest of the squad quickly realized "oh he's GAY gay he wasn't kidding" because at first they literally thought he was joking as he was actually just being openly and obnoxiously a raging mlm (and like I mean no shade to him this isn't me tryna to make fun of it because my dumb sapphic ass almost crashed my car once because I saw a pretty girl walk down the street. And by "once" I mean. Yesterday.) Anyways yeah that's when the rest of em Realized and were like "OH" but after the massive pride flag was hung up that prompted Dook to come out and they were all like "???? YOU TOO????"

Dook is a non-binary ICON he's a demiboy and goes by both he/him and they/them and probably would have a bunch of pride pins I think,,, I'm not really sure of his sexuality though!! honestly he kinda gives me bisexual vibes but Who Knows . Not me. He has a HELL of a time trying to explain his gender to the rest of the band (except for Rolfe because like. He's a part of the community so he knows) and basically he was met with "so you're just a dude but ✨spicy✨?" and it was like, "no, but I have no idea how to explain it in a way that will make sense to you, so. yes?" And that explanation seemed to suffice for most of them

Mitzi went in knowing NOTHING about what being non-binary was so she asked a l o t of questions about it, which Dook just kinda dealt with answering (he's heard most of it before, and it gets tiring after a while. if you're nb or trans or honestly any part of LGBTQ+ you know what I mean) but he thought it was really sweet of her to be so determined to learn about it and eventually she did get a grasp on it ish, so she was able to understand why it wasn't just ✨spicy male✨ (the conversation pretty much went "well if i was just male, don't you think I would label myself that way instead?" "....oH TRUE!!!") and she ended up a VERY passionate ally, and she'll ask occasionally about how to be better at it, bein a queen as she is 👉👉 also definitely started questioning her sexuality after a while and just went with "maybe bicurious" and Rolfe, Dook, and Earl were all like "ONE OF US, ONE OF US"

Earl has never once spoken about his sexuality in his life, because 1. He's very aware that's an awkward conversation to have with a puppet, and 2. He's aroace anyways, which is basically what people assume even if they don't realize it just for their own peace of mind, because seriously, puppets and any identity that ISN'T aroace creates a really uncomfortable mental image for... Most people, pretty much. So it's not like he ever needed to say anything about it, which is convenient for him because he wouldn't want to say anything either way. not worth the risk of embarrassing himself and making everyone feel awkward

(side note ish though Rolfe 100% came out to Earl first and was met with "I already knew that but okay." Rolfe was mildly offended)

And spEAKING OF EARL he's VERY much sentient but he can't say he's particularly enthusiastic about it because Rolfe has to carry him around everywhere

He can move on his own but it's limited and generally annoying to maneuver around with his tiny body so he just says screw it half the time and stays on Rolfe's arm or hitch a ride on Random Object, but like... Yeah, the majority of the time Rolfe just has to deal with only having one arm available and a puppet directly next to him making fun of him at every possible chance

They high-key have chaotic and unorganized college roommate vibes (like they're actually roommates because... Where tf is Earl supposed to go?? So Rolfe took him in) and idk if this is really like a part of my headcannons or if I just think it's funny so I keep entertaining the idea of it but I think it would be Fantastic if Rolfe had no idea how to cook but Earl somehow did so this idiot is trying to take instructions from a puppet, who can't physically show him what to do, and it's like Hell's Kitchen live featuring a furry and a sentient stuffed animal

Aaaaamd going off of my Rolfe and Earl headcannons still Rolfe for SURE has some sort of executive dysfunction issue. ADD or ADHD I'm not sure (probably ADHD) but he definitely has it also this totally isn't just me projecting how dare you accuse me of that

And!!! More about Dook!!!! I don't know how or why I thought up of this but I cannot possibly imagine him any other way now-- he's autistic and space is his Big Huge special interest, and if you ever ask him about it you have to be prepared to get infodumped or possibly even shown a PowerPoint presentation, because GOD he loves space!!! He wants everyone to know all about it!! He knows not everyone thinks it's as cool as he does so he tries to keep his mouth shut but when someone asks about it he can't help himself and will infodump a LOT, also haha drumming stims go brrrr, playing the drums isn't really a stim but he likes to just take his drumsticks and whack em around in the air and get that good ol Wavy Arm Action (wavy arms is best stim change my mind you can't it's GOOD)

Also i bbbbelieve earlier I reposted somethin about someone else headcannoning that he has echolalia, which I don't really know enough about to say anything on it?? But even if he doesn't have echolalia he'd probably repeat phrases over and over until he gets tired of them (which is,,, something I do lmao, it's either memes I get stuck in my head or things I've heard from various medias I like the inflections in (like one tiktokker I saw was talking about their tourettes and their vocal tics and one of them was "uh oh! How unfortunate!" and now I CAN'T STOP SAYING IT)) but like uhhh yeah :))) repeating phrases that get stuck in your head for various reasons for the win

This is already really long so I'm just gonna vibe out thanks for coming to my Ted talk feel free to ask questions I probably won't be able to answer a lot of em though because my headcannons are a Mess hehe >:)

[allondonboy]

Medicine for the Soul (Ch 11)

Chapter 11 - Allegretto non troppo: molto crescendo  (Ch 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

For all of us who have shitty parents.

Thanks as always to Anna @jjeanmorreau

Feedback always gratefully received

---

The start to spring break doesn’t go as they expect.

“Alex.”

There’s something in Eliza’s voice that makes Alex’s chest warm and their throat close up and they take a deep breath.

“Mom.”

They watch each other. Alex’s stance slips into one of defiance when Eliza says nothing more. She reaches for them then thinks better of it and sighs, walking to the couch and settling back against the cushions.

“Come. Sit with me.”

Alex does, slowly, curling one foot beneath them.

“How was the end of the semester?”

“Fine,” Alex says shortly. Eliza’s face drops.

“I’ve done some research,” she says, “into what you told me.”

Alex freezes. They hold their breath as Eliza lets out another long sigh.

“I can’t pretend to understand it, sweetie, but I want to try.”

“You…” Alex struggles to sort through the barrage of emotions thundering through them. “Really?”

“All I want is what’s best for you.”

“Until now, that’s been ignoring ‘this non-binary nonsense’, so what’s changed, Mom?” It’s snide but they can’t help it, can’t help thinking that this is a trap as much as they want to believe Eliza is changing, can’t help hoping that this is where it gets better.

“Alex.” Of all the things they expect to hear, it’s not regret, and they sit up. They’ve never heard either of their parents voice regret. “I was wrong.”

Alex lets out a long, shuddering breath through chattering teeth as their chest tightens again in disbelief.

“You were telling me something important about yourself and I dismissed it because I was scared. I am scared. You’re my – my child, and hearing that you’re choosing a life like this makes me worry as a mother because the world out there isn’t kind to people like that – people like you.”

“I’m not choosing this, Mom.”

They don’t know where to look. They can hear in Eliza’s words the same mother who held them when they were sick, who put their fingerpainted portraits on the fridge, who kissed their bruised knees, who they’ve been longing to see all this time, open and honest and loving and there for them, and now, now, she is.

She’s here.

“Right.” Eliza nods in their peripheral vision. “Yes. Maybe – maybe you could help me? Explain some of this to me?”

Alex swallows. “Okay. Yeah.” A million thoughts fight to be the first one out of their mouth and they force them into now and later. A couple slide into angry, but the loudest one is the overwhelming bruise of hurt.

“I need you to know,” they say, “that you hurt me. I don’t know, I don’t think you meant to, but you did.”

They look at her then, and it’s like they’ve shrunken back to their five-year-old height, nervous about coming clean about what really happened to Jeremiah’s latest bird house.

“I didn’t mean to,” says Eliza. “You have to know that, Alex. I would never try to hurt you.”

Alex nods like they believe it. Eliza sighs.

“I want you to understand – growing up, I was always the oddball. There were even fewer women in my area of work than there are today.”

“I know that.”

“I know you do. To hear you say that you were not a woman -”

Alex shakes their head and holds up a hand. “No, I still – part of me still feels like a woman.”

“Okay.” Eliza nods slowly. “So, to hear you say that you were outside the man-woman binary – yes? – sounded like another obstacle in the way of an incredibly promising career.”

Alex grits their teeth as anger claws its way to the surface. “I need you to stop thinking about grades or work or how any of this is going to affect any of that. This is about me, as a person. This hurts, Mom. Dysphoria hurts. The wrong name, the wrong pronouns, hurts. And you know as well as I do that I want to succeed but right now, I just want to be happy.”

Silence settles between them, thick with charged emotion. Eliza scoots closer to Alex and rests a hand on their knee.

“I wanted you to be better than me. To have all the opportunities that I never had, to take the world by storm and change it like you’ve always tried to do. I realised, when you were last home, that that is down to you and the person you have become, and I am so proud of that person.”

Alex gives a one-armed shrug and Eliza chuckles quietly. “You never could take a compliment. Just like your dad.”

Alex shrugs again. Eliza continues.

“I’m proud of all of you, Alex. Even the parts I don’t understand. It’s something special to see the child you’ve raised become so sure of who they are, especially when society isn’t the most accepting.” Eliza makes sure she has Alex’s eye contact. “I’m sorry I was a part of that.”

Eliza opens her arms and Alex shuffles into them and for the first time in so many years, they don’t shy away from the hug or flinch at the squeeze, and they squeeze back with all of them because now, Eliza wants all of them.  

--

��Just say child.”

“You’re older than a child.”

Alex sighs and looks patiently at Eliza. “I don’t mind it, I promise.”

“Mini-me.”

“Kara - ”

“Oh no, is that offensive?”

“No - ”

“Offspring?”

“No, Kara.”

“Descendant.”

“Child is fine.”

“Progeny.”

Alex and Eliza both stare at Kara as she holds up her hands defensively.

“Just a suggestion!”

“I never should have given you that thesaurus,” mutters Alex and Kara hits them with said thesaurus, held open at child: noun.

“My daughter Kara and my progeny Alex,” says Eliza, and she cracks a smile that startles Alex into a snort. “Nice try, Kara.”

“Just use child,” says Alex. “I would appreciate it.”

Eliza pours another glass of water and takes a long sip.

---

“Alex, what’s this I hear about your violin?”

Alex drops their fork. “You – what – who - ”

“A mother has her ways.” Kara’s innocent eyes aren’t hiding anything and Alex kicks her shin under the table. “It’s great that you’re playing again, sweetie.”

“I guess,” says Alex.

“It’s been a long time.” Alex gives Eliza full marks for trying but they can’t deny how good it feels to talk about something other than work, let alone something from another time completely.

Packing to go to college is the first time they’ve properly sorted through their stuff since Kara arrived and they had to make room for her. It unearths a lot of things they’d forgotten about, both deliberately and not, and what had started a simple exercise of deciding what to take with them ends up as a jolting trip down memory lane.

College is the first big step in their life that Jeremiah isn’t there to take with them.

And they hate it.

More than that, they’re scared.

At least at home, the walls carry whispers of him and the memories are so vivid that Alex can almost see him standing at the foot of the stairs, waiting for them. When they butt heads with Eliza, they imagine him stepping in, always the peacekeeper, calming them down and making sure both sides are heard.

Someone had told them they would be too busy at Stanford to miss home. Alex thinks it was supposed to be reassuring, but instead they feel sick.

If they don’t miss home, they aren’t missing Jeremiah.

If they aren’t missing Jeremiah, they’ll forget him.

If they forget him…

They’ll lose him again.

Vasquez’s advice about the third movement plays through their head on the journey back to Stanford.

The conversations with Eliza had unlocked a new kind of energy inside of them. Getting up was a little less hard, breathing a little more easy, and their mind is clearer and more focussed. It leads to revelations in a way they don’t expect, and one of those revelations is that Jeremiah is the key to unlocking the concerto.

He’d never heard them play it in full. They’d talked about it and planned it, down to the meal they’d have before Alex went on stage, but they’d never got it anywhere near performance standard. Learning to play it is the embodiment of moving on from him and acknowledging that they’re making progress and that he’s never going to show up to graduation or concerts or surfing competitions ever again.

Their first practice back is spent annotating the third movement and letting it run through their mind. For all these years, music had been an escape for them, but as they sit there, pencil tapping the page and describing the odd phrase with broad gestures, it hits them that it could – should – be a memorial.

After all, if music could transcend time and space, who’s to say that he wasn’t watching and listening to them right now?

--

The more they ruminate and the more they practice, the more their mind starts to drift towards Maggie as they play.

Maggie…Maggie is new. Maggie is post-Jeremiah. They think he’d have loved her. They’d have got on, for sure, and frankly, they can imagine the pair of them ganging up on Alex to tease them.

They want to be vulnerable with Maggie, but fuck is it terrifying. Baring their soul when they’ve spent so long barring it up, letting their heart sit behind a wall of armour, keeping emotions boxed up and tucked neatly away in the back of their mind. But Maggie, Maggie is the first person they’ve met who makes them want to talk about all of those feelings down to their favourite memories of Jeremiah and how the gaping hole in their chest from his death is starting to heal, the tiniest bit, with her help and her love.

--

Maggie hesitates at the threshold as Alex sets up, aware of what it means, that Alex has invited her to hear them play. One on one, it’s already intimate even as Alex does something as mundane as a couple of warm up scales.

They’ve set out a chair for her at the edge of the room. Finding her leaning against the door jamb, they gesture to it with their head and a smile that sets Maggie’s heart at ease. She slowly sits and slumps down comfortably, legs outstretched and crossed at the ankle. Alex darts forward to press a quick kiss to her lips that leaves her blushing and her thumbs fidgeting happily with each other.

“Vasquez isn’t here, obviously,” says Alex as they flatten out their music and settle their bow in their right hand, “and I don’t have the backing track, so you’ll have to use your imagination.”

Maggie nods, trying to reassure Alex and herself at the same time. It seems to work for them, because they close their eyes, take a deep breath, and then the music starts.

“What makes you happy? What makes you really, uncontrollably happy?”

Alex shrugs. “I like science.”

“You need stronger than ‘like’, Alex. What do you love?”

“I…” Alex looks out of the window. The tree is still there, though there are leaves on its branches now, and as they watch, a squirrel scurries down the trunk and disappears. “I love surfing?”

“Okay.” Their teacher nods. “Why do you love surfing?”

“It’s freedom, I guess.” Alex looks down at their bow and pulls off a stray hair. “It’s me, my board, and the water. I’m in control but I’m free.”

“Good! Good!” The teacher is on her feet once more. “Tell me more! What else do you love?”

“Kara,” Alex says after a minute.

“Your sister?”

“Yeah.” Alex adjusts their violin in their grip and scratches their nose, pushing their glasses back up. “Yeah, I love her,” they say, almost to themselves, and the teacher picks up the hint that there’s not really anything else to be said about that.

“Right. Now play, and think of Kara.”

“What were you thinking about?” Maggie’s soft question surprises even her as it breaks the silence. Alex opens their eyes slowly to meet hers.

"What makes you happy?  What makes you really uncontrollably happy?"

"You."

--

It’s slow, and it’s fast. There are hands everywhere and lips blazing trails across skin. It’s fumbling and clumsy as they get caught in their clothes and trip onto the wall, cursing in breathless exhales that turn into giggles.

It’s unlike anything they’ve done before: not in the substance but in the fervour, in how they hold each other as though they were drowning, in the wordless understanding that suddenly connects them.

Alex keeps their eyes locked with Maggie’s as she masters their body with the same finesse with which she plays her guitar. It’s an indescribable feeling of their heart both bursting and being caressed by someone they trust in a way they’ve never trusted anyone before. Calm and peace fights to undo the grip of blissful chaos winding through them and eventually, limbs tangle in the best of ways as they both succumb to dreamless sleep.

[queerbreadcrumbs]

I wrote this letter to for when I eventually come out (:

To my loved ones,

I wrote this letter to explain something important to you, because I value our relationship and your support. I wanted to share with you that I don’t fully identify as the current gender I am recognized as. I’m non-binary. As such, from now on it’d be great if you could address me as “Rowan” rather than “*******” and use they/them pronouns for me. Obviously, I know that this will take some time to adjust to and I’m not expecting miracles, but genuine effort will mean the world!

I understand that this may be somewhat confusing, especially as you’ve all known me for quite some time. Over the course of this letter, I have included answers to the most common questions people have, as well as definitions and resources for further information. I’m also happy to answer any questions you may have regarding this insofar as they are respectful.

What does non binary mean?

-       Non- Binary or genderqueer individuals have a gender identity and/or expression that is neither man or woman. Some people are both, or are fluid in their gender identities or expressions and others are neither. In my case, it’s that I don’t identify particularly strongly with either gender. Most of the time I don’t feel like either a man or a woman, I just am.

Are you trans?

-       Well yes and no. Yes in the sense that I don’t agree with the gender assigned to me at birth, no in the sense that I have no desire to transition to male.

Do I have to do anything?

-       Not really! As I mentioned earlier, my name is now Rowan, and my pronouns are now they/them. So instead of saying something like “I like ******, she bakes really good cakes” or “****** left her coat here!” you’d instead say “I like Rowan, they bake really good cakes.” Or “Rowan left their coat here!” The only thing you really have to do is make a conscious effort not to use my old name and pronouns.

What are pronouns and why do you want new ones?

-       Pronouns are a group of words we use as short versions for nouns. The most common ones in the English language are she/her/ (feminine) and he/him (masculine). The singular form of these that isn’t gendered is usually thought to be “it/it’s” and personally I find this much more jarring in a sentence than they/them. Firstly, because it’s dehumanising. We tend to use the pronoun “it” when describing an inanimate object. “Look at that potato, it’s got eyes growing on it!” Whereas when describing a group of people, or someone whose gender you don’t know, the grammatically correct pronouns to give would be they/them. I don’t really know my gender, so I don’t expect you to figure it out through a complex use of English syntax. They/them, like you would use with any other unknown is fine.

-       This is something I want to change because people using she/her in reference to me makes me quite uncomfortable. When I am referred to as female it kind of feels like I’m an imposter or deceiving people in some way, like you’re seeing something that’s not there and that you’ll be cross when you find out I’ve been lying to you. I’d like to change my pronouns as I want to be honest with you all about who I am.

Why “Rowan”?

-       Rowan is a Gaelic name which comes from the Rowan tree. (Like the name Willow is after the Willow tree) In Scottish Gaelic it means “little redhead” and has always been a unisex name, although usually these days we see it more for boys than girls. I imagine most of you would immediately think of Rowan Atkinson. (Mr Bean, Blackadder)

-       I chose Rowan for a few reasons. Firstly because of its Gaelic origin and my desire to keep some connection to my Celtic roots. Secondly it sounds similar to ******* and has the same number of syllables which should help you when remembering to use it! Thirdly as those of you related to me directly will know, when those of us assigned female at birth (AFAB) reach a certain age our hair reddens before turning grey. As my hair has already started to pick this up, I thought a name meaning “redhead” was appropriate.

-       I wanted to change this because my given name is quite feminine and much like being referred to as she/her, being called ‘*******’ makes me feel very uncomfortable. You’d think being called it for 24 years would be enough to get used to it, but apparently not!

Why change this now?

-       I’ll admit that this all may be quite shocking or confusing to some of you. Please know that I have given this no small amount of thought. Accepting myself as I am has been a long and arduous process for me, so I understand if it feels like a lot for my loved ones too.

-       Looking back, it feels like I’ve had a difficult relationship with gender. As some of you will remember I was always a bit of a tomboy growing up. It took a long time for me to be comfortable wearing dresses.

-       As a teenager though, I began to face increasing pressure to be feminine, and was often called a lesbian for the way I chose to present myself. I had short hair and wore many a check shirt with doc martens. I loved it! Although, I did notice on the occasion I didn’t do this and presented in a more feminine way I was praised for this. People told me I looked nicer; people treated me better. The teasing stopped and I lived with less harassment which felt nice. Unfortunately, though I interpreted this feeling nice as enjoying being perceived as female.

-       I was still quite uncomfortable and some of my friends and loved ones picked up on this. However, I didn’t think it too important to question.

-       BUT NOT FOR LONG! Lockdown had a profound effect on me coming to terms with my gender. Because I wasn’t going anywhere, I no longer had to perform femininity. I just wore what felt good. I cut my hair really short and liked it! I was very comfortable with being at home, both physically and mentally.

-       However, when lockdown ended, I got a new job. I had to start performing again and the long hiatus made me realise just how uncomfortable I actually am being seen as a woman. The kids at school call me “miss.” I get called ****** constantly as people are trying to get my attention in the conventional way rather than just throwing things at me or just touching me like Tom does. Honestly, I hate it and it���s profoundly exhausting, which is why I’ve decided I want to live as Rowan.

-       Another thing that put all of this into sharp perspective for me was getting engaged. Don’t misunderstand, I love Tom more than anything in the world, and I still want very much to get married to him and for us to spend the rest of our lives together. I’m still very excited about our wedding! However, the language used to talk about weddings and engagements and the expectations surrounding them are very gendered! Words like ‘bride’ or ‘wife’ feel very strange and foreign when applied to me. As mentioned earlier though I don’t want to be a husband or groom either. I’m not sure there are alternatives for these words. I quite like how romantic “betrothed” sounds but I also don’t want to sound like I’ve just walked out of 1655.

-       Trying on wedding dresses was another huge hurdle for me. Part of it was my self-esteem issues and lack of confidence but everything I tried on made me feel like a fake, a failure. It being during times of COVID, I wasn’t permitted to take anyone with me to my fitting appointments. As such, I had these strange, unfamiliar saleswomen telling me I’d make a stunning bride and all such other nonsense while I felt just…wrong. At the time, I remember discussing it with my friends after sending them some pictures of me wearing wedding dresses. The words I used were “I felt like an imposter.” This is not just because I’m not used to wearing anything fancy. It’s because I’m not a woman. The clothes you wear on your wedding day are meant to make you feel fantastic, and I didn’t feel even comfortable in any of them, let alone fantastic. I have since purchased a dress to wear on my wedding day. It is simple, and I will style it to make myself as happy as I can be. I will still look like a “bride”. I’m just going to try to be as comfy as I can, reminding myself that clothes have no gender.  

What about clothes?

-       Typically, clothes are gendered. You walk into a shop and they usually have a men’s range and a women’s range. Because I am neither, I shop in both ranges!

-       I do also own a fair few dresses and skirts. This won’t change. Clothes have no gender. Traditionally yes, women wear dresses and skirts. But plenty of people who identify as men wear them and find them comfortable. Freddie Mercury, David Bowie, Harry Styles, Jayden Smith. These are all men, and yet they have all rocked skirts at one point or another. My wearing a dress or a skirt doesn’t make me any less non-binary as much as it didn’t make these guys any less of a man.

-       Furthermore, it wasn’t that long ago that trousers were deemed too masculine for women. However most modern women wear trousers, a lot of the time. Some of you are probably wearing trousers right now. Trousers have only recently begun to be considered neutral in our culture. Of course, it depends massively these days on the cut and the fit of them, but trousers can absolutely be masculine or feminine, just like me. I truly believe that one day skirts and dresses will become this neutral. They have been for a long time in Scotland.

-       In my mind this also explains why my personal preference for clothing has always been baggy and loose fitting.

Gendered terminology

-       As I mentioned previously when I talked about weddings, a lot of family language is heavily gendered. Son/Daughter, Husband/Wife, Niece/Nephew, Mum/Dad, Auntie/Uncle, Brother/Sister ect. Some of these words have gender neutral equivalents, and others don’t really. Where there is a gender-neutral equivalent, I would prefer it. Where there isn’t, I’m okay to be referred to as the female variant. For example, I’m fine being “Auntie Rowan”, “Dawn’s daughter[1]” or “Tom’s wife.[2]” But, I’d rather be Winnie’s parent than her mum, my Auntie’s nibling than her niece and Leanne’s sibling than her sister. If this sounds a little odd in conversation, and I’m sure it will do at first, you can say things like “My daughter uses they/them pronouns.”

So, are you “out, out”?

-       This letter is the start of my “social” transition. This is the part where the trans or non-binary person begins to live as themselves. As my close friends and family, I have chosen to share this with you first. As I live authentically, I want you to hear it from me, and have it explained by me rather than just stumbling across the fact I’ve changed my name on social media.

-       However, I’m not fully out yet. I’ve not yet informed anyone I work with or anyone in an official capacity, such as my doctor and I’m not using my new name legally just yet.

-       Please be mindful when discussing this with others that they may not be accepting. What matters is that you accept me. If you think telling a specific person might put me at risk, then don’t tell them.

-       If you want to discuss this with extended family that’s fine! 

More information

-       If you have questions that I haven’t answered here let me know and I’ll do my best to answer.

-       If you don’t feel comfortable asking me or just want more information on non-binary identities: - https://lgbt.foundation/who-we-help/trans-people/non-binary - https://gender.wikia.org/wiki/Non-binary - “A Field Guide to gender-neutral language” Shelley Roth (50p on apple books, or I could smuggle you a copy!)

In conclusion, I hope that you’re able to understand and support me in my coming out and coming to terms with my nonbinary identity, and that this doesn’t ruin, but strengthen our relationship. This has been very hard for me to share, but I’m ready to be my authentic self.  If you have any questions, feel free to contact me.

Yours,

*********

[1] Technically yes, Son/Daughter do have the gender-neutral variant of child, but It’d be kind of weird to call a 24 year old a child, so please don’t.

[2] I hate the word “spouse” it just sounds like “spout” and I’d rather be someone’s wife than someone’s spout any day.

[mauveandsugarspun]

Gender ramblings

*insert a read more*

So I've been thinking about gender stuff (since I saw this tiktok two months ago) and the reason why I finally put she / they as my pronouns. NOTE: this is very personal and I am only talking about myself and my thoughts, I'm not saying how anyone else should identify. I'm still kind of figuring this all out.

I used to always identify as a girl or a woman. However, the more I read about the thoughts of non-binary people, the more my understanding of gender just widens explodes. One time a friend and I got into such a deep discussion that I truly understood how performative gender is and it blew my mind, but afterwards I didn't really give myself time to think about it more. Now I've had the time, and also I blame tiktok for digging this up again, so here are my very rambling thoughts on gender and pronouns.

I enjoy typically feminine stuff like wearing makeup and dresses and bright colours. But as we all know, doing traditionally feminine stuff doesn't mean you're a woman or that people other than women cannot wear makeup or a dress, etc. Also, being queer adds a dimension to my gender expression, and the femininity or masculinity of my clothes is totally dependent on my mood at any given day. Sometimes I want to wear a suit or other masculine clothes and give off the vibe that I am not here for the men, I am here for the ladies and enbies. (Please approach, I am gay and lonely.) So clothes are complicated and not a very good basis on gender identity.

Then I thought about how I want to be a mother at some point in my life. Doesn't that make me a woman? But we know that being a mother (or a father) is not really about you being any specific gender, it's about providing for your kid. Some biological parents are absent or abusive and therefore not parents at all. I've never fancied giving birth or being pregnant, I've always seen myself adopting or fostering a kid, so in any case I would be a parent in the sense that I would love my child and care for them and let them have all of my earthly possessions once I die (lol). So really, wanting kids (for me, personally) has nothing to do with being physically able to do it (because I'm not going to) and therefore is not an argument for being a woman.

From what I understand, human biology is so complicated that I don't know half of it. I'm not going to even pretend I could claim stuff like "I'm a girl because I have XX chromosomes". Nope, advanced biology is advanced for a reason. (For more information, please go watch biologists on tiktok.)

All of this just shows that gender is based on perception, really. Most of the time I don't mind being perceived as a woman, especially when I'm succeeding in something traditionally masculine (here's where the queer pride comes in, I would love to be more handy with tools, haha) but other times I really want to give the gayest of vibes and repel the men, because I don't want to deal with them (here I'm referring to random cis men in public places). I don't mind being called a "they", because I think it's inclusive and sounds nice and in many cases my gender has nothing to do with what is being discussed. However, when I'm talking about equal rights (or the lack thereof) I want people to know that I am experiencing oppression based on gender and sexual orientation. This is especially important with my extended family or coworkers or new friends. I guess then I would say I'm a lesbian and a woman (because my audience is not ready for a deeper discussion on these topics) and try to use my voice to highlight that yes, even someone you know can face discrimination, and it's not about "us against them", because the person you claim not to understand might be sitting on the same dinner table and you just don't know it yet. So the labels "lesbian" and "woman" are actually reserved for situations where I'm explaining the 1+1 of oppression to clueless family members.

So then am I an enby or cis or do I just not care? Not sure if this made any sense and I'm definitely more confused now than when I started writing this, but hey, I have a week's holiday ahead, so plenty of time to have a gender crisis :D

[christiansfm]

            hi  everyone  it’s  ya  girl  kris  ,  and  i’ve  finally  arrived  to  get  the  plotting  going  !  i’m  23  ,  prefer  the  pronouns  she  /  they  ,  and  i’m  from  the  est  timezone  !  i’ve  truly  fallen  in  love  with  exo  within  the  last  few  months  thanks  to  having  nothing  else  to  do  ,  and  i  really  wanted  to  play  chanyeol  ,  so  here  i  am  ,  fulfilling  my  dreams  !  christian’s  a  bit  of  a  play  on  a  previous  character  i  had  ,  but  i’ve  tweaked  a  lot  about  him  since  then  .  this  intro  is  already  long  as  #heck  so  i  won’t  bore  you  with  my  own  intro  ,  but  please  feel  free  to  add  me  on  d.iscord  @  𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧 𝐠𝐨𝐭𝟕 𝐮 𝐜𝐨𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬.#4090  or  message  me  in  the  im’s  ,  whichever  you’re  more  comfortable  with  !

            ˙✫*ﾟPARK  CHANYEOL  ,  CIS  MALE  ,  HE / THEY  :･ did  you  hear  christian  kwon  is  joining  the  cast  of  exposed  after  he  left  his  fiancé  at  the  alter  the  day  of  their  wedding  ?  the  twenty  seven  year  old  drummer  /  songwriter  with  29m  followers  is  trying  to  clear  their  name  .  they’ve  become  known  as  the  resident  casanova  here  in  the  mansion  ,  and  it’s  clear  that’s  spot  on  because  they’re  quite  -  pompous  &  -  venereal  ,  but  also  +  spellbinding  &  +  unostentatious  .  you  know  they’re  heading  to  the  confession  booth  if  you  hear  goodbyes  by  post  malone  ft.  young  thug  blasting  ,  most  likely  talking  about  how  they’re  more  than  constantly  twirling  drumsticks  between  skilled  fingers  ,  the  lingering  scent  of  his  cologne  long  after  he’s  gone  ,  sweat  dripping  from  dyed  locks  as  he  loses  himself  in  the  music  ,  and  throbbing  headaches  after  finally  crashing  at  six  in  the  morning .

𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄  :  christian  kwon  .

𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄(𝐒)  :  chris  and  ian  .

𝐀𝐆𝐄  +  𝐃𝐎𝐁  :  twenty - seven  +  february  28th  ,  1993  .

𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋  𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍  :  pisces  .

𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐀𝐋  𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓  :  chaotic  neutral  .

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑  +  𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐒  :  cis  male  ,  non  binary  +  he  /  they  .

𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄  𝐎𝐅  𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇  :  laguna  beach  ,  california  .

𝐒𝐄𝐗𝐔𝐀𝐋  𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍  :  bisexual  .

𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐂  𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍  :  biromantic  .

𝐎𝐂𝐂𝐔𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍  :  drummer  +  songwriter  for  rock  band  after  laughter  .

𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘  :  korean - american  .

𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐓𝐘  :  korean  .

𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐔𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐒  𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐍  :  korean  ,  english  ,  mandarin  ,  and  japanese  .

background  .

christian  kwon  grew  up  in  laguna  beach  ,  california  to  a  pediatrician  and  an  optometrist  ,  so  his  life  was  pretty  comfortable  from  the  start  .  he  grew  up  near  the  beach  and  in  a  home  that  was  bigger  than  what  was  needed  for  the  three  of  them  ,  but  that  was  his  parents  making  life  comfortable  for  him  .  

growing  up  ,  christian  was  the  kid  who  had  everything  ,  but  never  treated  people  as  less  than  .  granted  ,  he  went  to  school  with  the  kids  who  had  larger  than  life  homes  of  dreamed  of  getting  a  mercedes  for  their  sixteenth  ,  but  he  had  friends  who  didn’t  have  that  kind  of  lifestyle  ,  and  never  treated  anyone  other  than  the  way  he  wanted  to  be  . 

his  parents  were  constantly  putting  christian  into  various  after  school  clubs  to  keep  him  busy  ,  and  this  was  where  he  discovered  his  love  for  music  .  he  started  out  with  learning  how  to  play  the  guitar  ,  but  then  he  eventually  found  himself  being  pulled  towards  the  drums  .  christian  wasn’t  a  prodigy  by  any  means  ,  but  he  took  the  instrument  quite  easily  .  

it  was  no  surprise  that  during  high  school  ,  christian  decided  to  start  a  band  .  it  took  a  lot  of  trial  and  error  ,  and  for  about  six  months  the  band  didn’t  even  have  a  name  .  during  those  six  months  ,  the  band  worked  together  to  find  their  sound  and  constantly  wrote  music  together  until  they  eventually  found  themselves  with  a  small  gig  where  they  debuted  as  after  laughter  .

the  band  continued  to  work  towards  their  dreams  ,  eventually  recording  their  first  album  (  all  we  know  is  falling  )  and  being  a  part  of  the  lineup  for  the  warped  tour  following  their  graduation  from  high  school  in  2011  .  following  the  tour  ,  the  band  began  working  on  their  second  album  in  2013  (  riot!  )  and  this  was  the  album  that  catapulted  them  into  mainstream  success  due  to  the  singles  crushcrushcrush  ,  misery  business  ,  and  that’s  what  you  get  .  the  album  went  platinum  ,  and  they  were  nominated  for  their  first  grammy  .

the  group  went  on  their  second  tour  ,  and  took  a  short  break  before  diving  into  their  third  album  .  they  were  soon  releasing  brand  new  eyes  in  2016  ,  and  they  were  off  on  their  first  world  tour  .  during  the  tour  ,  the  band  released  their  ep  singles  club  ,  and  finished  their  tour  a  few  months  later  .  deserving  a  bit  of  rest  ,  the  band  took  a  year’s  hiatus  before  returning  to  the  music  scene in  2018  with  their  album  paramore  .  the  album  spawned  four  singles  ,  and  one  of  them  ,  ain’t  it  fun  ,  went  on  to  win  the  band  their  first  grammy  .

later  in  that  same  year  ,  the  band  released  their  self - titled  album  after  laughter  ,  and  went  on  a  nine  month  tour  to  perform  both  albums  .  

exposed  .

during  his  time  in  the  band  ,  christian  found  himself  a  committed  relationship  .  the  couple  were  together  for  about  two  and  a  half  years  before  christian  finally  proposed  ,  and  they  were  both  excited  to  be  getting  married  .  their  engagement  had  been  a  blissful  one  ,  and  within  two  years  they  were  ready  to  get  married  .  the  day  came  ,  and  christian  found  himself  with  cold  feet  ,  thus  deciding  to  leave  his  fiancé  without  so  much  of  a  goodbye  before  heading  out  of  the  country  .

christian’s  name  had  been  slandered  due  to  his  decision  ,  and  his  management  team  wasn’t  sure  of  how  to  fix  the  error  of  his  ways  .  therefore  ,  when  the  opportunity  rose  ,  his  team  had  him  cast  on  the  show  in  a  way  to  help  clear  up  speculations  about  him  and  as  a  way  to  fix  the  tarnished  image  he  obtained  following  the  end  of  his  engagement  .

temperament  .

he’s  a  bit  of  an  asshole  .  not  a  bit  ,  he  is  .  christian  is  very  much  a  smooth  talker  and  knows  how  to  get  what  he  wants  due  to  his  charisma  .  definitely  the  ‘  mr  steal  your  girl  (  or  boy  !  )  ’  type  of  smooth  talker  because  that’s  what  he  does  best  .  he’s  wildly  charismatic  and  has  a  very  strong  habit  of  saying  things  he  doesn’t  mean  in  order  to  get  what  he  wants  .

his  emotional  and  romantic  stunting  mostly  stems  from  him  purposefully  putting  up  walls  that  he  makes  nearly  impossible  for  people  to  break  down  .  after  the  ugly  ending  to  his  engagement  (  and  joining  the  cast  of  exposed  )  ,  christian  has  shut  himself  off  from  others  not  only  for  his  image  ,  but  because  he  simply  can’t  deal  with  it  anymore  .

can  be  quite  the  meme  sometimes  .  never  truly  knows  what’s  going  on  ,  but  somehow  manages  to  put  two  and  two  together  .  has  a  really  loud  laugh  when  he  truly  finds  something  funny  ,  and  probably  radiates  himbo  energy  like  there’s  nothing  to  it  .  not  really  a  point  of  his  personality  ,  but  he’s  always finding  a  way  to  make  something  musical  ?  whether  it  be  drumming  his  fingers  ,  constantly  humming  a  tune  he  can’t  get  out  his  head  ,  or  randomly  singing  a  song  when  he  hears  a  word  from  the  lyrics  .

headcanons  .

christian  identifies  as  cis  male  and  as  non binary  .  this  is  mostly  due  to  the  fact  that  he  that  he  doesn’t  identify  to  any  gender  ,  but  he  acknowledges  that  he  has  been  socialized  as  a  man  .  he  is  fine  with  someone  using  he  /  him  /  his  and  they  /  them  /  theirs  pronouns  when  speaking  to  or  referring  to  him  .

very  much  so  romantically  and  emotionally  stunted  ,  therefore  he  bides  his  time  with  casual  sex  and  noncommittal  acts  of  romance  .  typically  can  be  found  slipping  out  of  beds  in  the  middle  of  the  night  ,  never  returning  texts  /  calls  (  or  blocking  the  number  entirely  )  ,  and  at  times  (  and  considered  to  be  his  worst  trait  yet  )  will  pretend  as  though  he  doesn’t  know  who  the  other  is  .

don’t  ask  him  about  technology  because  he  doesn’t  know  !  despite  being  twenty - seven  he  can  be  quite  ...  behind  the  times  .  the  only  reason  he  has  the  latest  gadgets  and  such  is  because  his  management  team  ensures  that  he  has  it  .  

his  stage  fashion  and  off - stage  fashion  styles  tend  to  differ  greatly  .  when  on  state  ,  christian  can  often  be  seen  sporting  the  typical  drummer  attire  :  half - opened  button  downs  ,  form  fitting  jeans  ,  vans  ,  and  looser  tees  .  in  short  ,  he  likes  for  his  shirts  to  be  loose  as  he  really  gets  into  playing  .  as  for  off - stage  ,  it  ends  to  be  a  little  more  refined  .  he  can  be  seen  wearing  a  touch  more  designer  and  he  likes  layers  even  when  it’s hotter  outside  .  still  an  avid  fan  of  half - opened  button  downs  ,  but  instead  of  jeans  ,  he’ll  replace  them  with  shorts  depending  on  the  weather  .

his  signature  within  the  band  is  often  dying  his  fair  various  colors  ,  with  the  most  common  being  pink  and  blonde  .  he  tends  to  get  a  perm  because  he  likes  his  hair  to  be  curly  /  fluffy  ,  but  a  slick  back  with  an  undercut  hairstyle  ?  chef’s  kiss  .

he  only  uses  a  variety  of  customized  drumsticks  and  he  cannot  see  !  do  not  ask  him  to  look  at  anything  when  he  first  wakes  up  because  chances  are  he  will  have  to  get  super  close  in  order  to  see  it  .  typically  alternates  between  his  glasses  or  contacts  .

[briek58454521]

Cancel Culture?...

Okay.

I’ve seen this shit going around for a while. I feel obligated to correct the record.

In the wake of multiple Breadtube users being eviscerated by the public in the last year, I’d like to talk... about “cANceL cULTurE”.

But first, some back-round. I’ll be brief.

Over a year ago, Youtuber Lily Orchard’s video about Steven Universe blew up the internet, invoking praise from many facets of online culture, as well as a sizable backlash, as any video criticizing Steven Universe will invariably do. In an attempt at a response, Breadtuber Sarah Z uploaded a video titled “Bad Media Criticism”, which around 17 minutes in, talked about said video.

The response was filled with, let’s face it, lies and actual bad faith criticisms towards the content, misinformation, omission of context in important bits, and general shoddiness in action (yes, I’m biased. Reality is biased, sometimes). Criticism was swift to arrive, and the video provoked Lily herself to respond. And in the face of the factual corrections, and legitimate criticisms... Sarah doubled down, and in her infamous Twit-Longer, decided to continue to assure herself and others that her criticism was valid because regardless of whatever Lily actually said, it was still bad faith criticism.

A short while after that, fellow Breadtuber Lindsay Ellis uploaded a video discussing Black Ariel, claiming that the decision to make Ariel black was entirely a decision made because of “Woke Branding” to make more money off of people and continue raking in more and more cash, citing HBomberGuy’s “WOKE BRANDS” video essay. Many commented that this was rather racist, considering that Cartoon Network is just as much of a greedy bastard corporation as Disney was, yet, denounced criticism of Steven Universe, a show of Cartoon Network’s body of work, because “support minority voices”, with the same people commenting that this looked rather selective.

Lindsay doubled down on the criticism, and would continue defending it and publicly shitting the bed as more shitstorms (PLURAL) would erupt (lol).

After THAT, Breadtuber CONTRAPOINTS/ NATALIE WYNN would publish many videos that kept pissing of trans and non-binary viewers with a fuck-load of back handed remarks and general derogatory comments about them, as well as getting pissy that people ask for her gender and pronouns in public safe-spaces. In “The Aesthetic”, Natalie had a character playing the role of the people who make the CORRECT claim that gender is eternal and that you are what you say you are, and ANOTHER who was a truscum who would repeat the arguments that “kinda hypothetical” and, “kinda a weak argument”. This would create a backlash, and Natalie would respond with a thread that, contained a lotta shit, but also contained THIS BULLSHIT. Straight from the horses mouth, fam.

“I’m sure this is not the experience of many NBs. I’ll leave it to them to articulate what NB existence looks like in a binary world. I do not and cannot speak for them. But surely(sic) an account that begins and ends with “I’m not a man because I don’t identify as one” is pretty weak”

Later, after deleting the thread and getting more shit for it, she would upload an absurd non-apology video called “Pro-nouns”, where she would dress up like a fucking clown-ass Oompa-Loompa who just escaped from Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, and make several dumb-ass claims and a fuck-ton of truscum arguments, including stating that she “wants to be a convert” to “believe” NBs, and that she would listen and respect NB people’s beliefs “so long as those beliefs are valid” After more backlash to that happened, she would continue this trend, platforming actual truscum like Buck Angel, selling anti-semetic reptilian agenda merchandise, and hosted a Patreon stream where she just... basically shat on everyone. She shat on people like HBomberGuy, for performativity in regards to the meme “Donkey Kong said Trans Rights” (yes, she is that desperate. She will accuse people who raise 340,000 fucking dollars of performativity and virtue-signaling), stated that older trans people would be considered truscum, and even that most of her friends were truscum.

The one thing that was consistent in these stories was the insistence that the criticism was just an attempt at Cancel Culture.

Cancel Culture is essentially the point where in an attempt to either exclude, harass, or target others for political views, religion, ethnicity, race, sexuality, gender, etc., people will devolve into many forms of online harassment and abuse of the media outlets, among other things, in order to silence the target, or deter the target from making an argument. It can even happen just because people don’t like someone.

For Sarah, this took the form of accusing the people criticizing Steven Universe of having a dishonest double-standard, because if a straight, white, cis-dude made it, no one would be saying shit about it. Even though the show is historically praised by WHITE progressives, and criticized by EVERYONE else.

For Lindsay, it was that the people making this claim were just fooled by the “Woke Brand” train.

For Natalie, it was “the Left is eating itself”.

I would like to say this right now. The only time I actually saw Cancel Culture in action was during the shitstorm that erupted with VivziePop and her pilots for Hazbin Hotel, and Helluva Boss came out and everyone was looking for a bunch of shit to bring up about Vivzie personally, her apparent “transphobia”, “homophobia” as understood by Steven Universe fans, and generally just a bunch of bullshit that Rebecca Sugar got away with when she pulled the same shenanigans.

That is Cancel Culture.

And the only reason I can see for it was just because Vivzie (to my knowledge, at least) isn’t a member of the LGBT community. (Those same people would respond to her stating that she plans on having Alistor, the Radio Demon, be ace with “Hey, did you hear something?”, btw)

(EDIT: I initially stated, as shown above, that Vivzie wasn’t a LGBT community member. She is. She’s bi. Apologies for getttin that bit wrong. I’d also like to mention that she’s Latin as well, but is also shit-talked for apparently being too white to be Latin. 

So......yeah. Can’t begin to imagine why all of those mentioned weren’t given the same treatment.... Was there any doubt when Lindsay said she was Native?......)

And that wasn’t the case with any of the aforementioned. Natalie wasn’t “cancelled” until she kept shitting on people for the fiftieth (hyperbolicly fiftieth) time. Sarah was never cancelled. She got away with slander, and was quickly forgiven just because she’s a leftist. Lindsay is getting away with excusing away, and flat out DEFENDING PEDOPHILIA, AND IS STILL POSTING. She ain’t cancelled.

Cancel Culture may happen sometimes, genuinely, like with Vivzie, but those are the exceptions that prove the rule. It’s mostly just “this person said I sound completely contrary to what I believe, it must be (insert cause)”

It’s Lily’s fault, it’s a dishonest double-standard, it’s the radicals, it’s Woke Brand brain-washing, it’s “bAd faITh cRitISIsm”, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...

Let me tell you something. In Sarah’s case, not all criticism is because there’s a dishonest double-standard. And even if it were, that doesn’t make doing something horrible because of your identity the right thing to do. Because NO ONE should be putting in the most racist, bigoted, and frankly gross and disgusting shit in their work, regardless of whether you’re white, black, gay, lesbian, trans, NB, Gen Z, Boomer, etc. Like the human zoo, the Amethyst-Garnet fusion, Bismuth, the Pearl-Rose dynamic, the Nazi woobification, and the blatant disregard for the very people the show claims to be an ally too.

See also, the N-Word.

Despite the belief that white people can’t say it while black people CAN, black people don’t use it in a conversation formally, and can’t really use it ANYWAY because it’s still a fucking slur. And if you say it in public, there will be consequences, whether it be social repercussions, or legal action. And people have been saying it less and less as a result of this attitude becoming more present.

In regards to Lindsay, we know, bitch. We fucking know. We know that Disney wants our money like crazy. We know that this could be just another woke branding thing. We know that brands aren’t our friends, we know, we know, we know, we know. We know, Lindsay, we know. But, don;t chat shit about it if you aren’t going to criticize Cartoon Network for Steven Universe, Amazon for selling Pride merch, and Target for Pride clothes. Because then we know that you’re being very selective about what you’re labeling as “woke branding”.

In regards to Natalie, SHUT THE FUCK UP. SHUT THE FUCK UP. That is literally all you have to do. Just SHUT. THE FUCK. UP. And accept that you aren’t as woke as you like to think you are. The left isn’t eating it’s own by disowning shitty people. It’s doing itself a favor for it.

Remember R. Kelly? Everyone said that black people were just turning on each other when actual, legitimate evidence came forward, showing that he;s a FUCKING PEDOPHILE. And that attitude would continue for almost three decades before someone FINALLY said, “No, this man is dangerous, lock him up”. You know the phrase “A few bad apples?” People only say that, and just ignore the rest when defending shitty people on the Left, mostly because they don’t want to disown them. The phrase, however is ACTUALLY “A few bad apples SPOIL THE BUNCH”. If you don’t weed out the bad ones, they’ll spoil the tree.

Most of this bullshit would have been solved easily if ANY of the aforementioned had looked at their behavior, ACTUALLY apologized, expressed due diligence, and STOPPED FUCKING DOING THE SHIT.

The only reason people get away with this is because A LOT OF PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET HAVE FUCKING TERRIBLE PRIORITIES.

People take more offense to someone shutting down an opinion rather than someone being a scumbag.

People jut decided not to care about Sarah’s lies ENTIRELY because “It’s Lily”.

People defended Lindsay entirely because “Fuck Disney”.

People defended Natalie because “The Left is eating itself, we need to support minority voices”.

Because the myth of Leftist-Cancel Culture is just an excuse to not have to change. To not commit. To not put in effort. To not expand time to bettering yourself or the environment around you. To jerk off to how woke you are while criticizing others who tell challenge that. To wax poetic because it’s good for your ego.

It’s not just them. It’s many of their fans, and hundreds of thousands, if not, millions of people on the internet. And by far, their worst deeds aren’t that they inadvertently or otherwise attract Nazis, keep sucking off incels, truscum, TERFs, pedophiles, and other facets of human garbage while disemboweling others for far, FAR lesser crimes on the basis that they aren’t woke or nice enough for their liking, or EVEN the harassment that they’ve engaged in, caused, and instigated.

It’s that they’ve convinced themselves that by doing all of the above, that they are in any way superior to the people they cry foul against. The people who call them out on their bullshit when it arises. The people who raise $340,000 for their OWN people while the most they’ve done is play dress up and recycle Eddie Murphy’s shtick for the 500th time. The people who are part of the very minority voices they claim to support yet disregard on the basis that they said some mean words, or argued in bad faith, or just have a personal grudge against the people that they criticize. The people of color who FLAT OUT know better than them, yet, who they write off at every possible opportunity as just believing that companies care, or that Disney is good, or even just write ‘em off as having the wrong priorities or being stupid, as if they are in any way super clever and superior for coming to a conclusion that many more talented, creative, intelligent, and just frankly BETTER people came to years ago. 

They are MORE PERFORMATIVE, more ENTITLED, more ARROGANT, more IGNORANT, more UNAWARE, more BIASED, more SELFISH, and more SELF-INDULGENT than a good 98% of the people they criticize.

They hate these people so much...because they hate looking in mirrors.

And Leftist Cancel Culture is just a manifestation of that psychological projection. Simple as.

If you skipped to the end, fuck you. No TL: DRs in this neck of ‘da fuckin woods

[lesbianuotani]

okay this is just a pure confusion based question cause it's hard to keep up with terminology, new definitions of existing terminology, new sub-terminology, ect... but i'm a bit confused how someone can be lesbian but also he/him?? (in reference so your kyo/tohru post) this is purely because last i was aware lesbian meant a person who identifies as female who likes others who identify as female. again- im just confused im not trying to be anti or anything just confused so i thought i'd ask.

Great question! A he/him lesbian is just a lesbian who uses he/him pronouns. A lesbian might choose he/him pronouns because he is a butch/stud, gender non-conforming, non-binary, or has a complex relationship with gender (like me!) The important thing to remember is that pronouns are not equal to gender. That’s a bit hard to grasp, but it’s true. There are gay men who use she/her pronouns and lesbians who use he/him. Gender is confusing and often performative. Pronouns are a part of that. They’re like names: sometimes a lesbian chooses a more masculine name because they feel removed from femininity by virtue of not being available to men.

I personally am a they/them lesbian who uses a more masculine name than my birth name (Kit). I’m dating a he/him lesbian who uses a different name than his birth name, but not necessarily more masculine. Despite neither of us using she/her pronouns, we both feel attached to womanhood in some regard and are attracted to women only (including trans women and non-binary people who are also lesbians). And thus, we are lesbians!

As for Kyo, I headcanon him as a butch trans woman who uses he/him pronouns. He’s likely not physically dysphoric, and doesn’t mind being mislabeled as a man. In his heart, tho, he likes being a woman, quietly and privately.

Again, this is something I relate to. I am not a woman. I also don’t mind people assuming I’m a woman. I look like a woman. I sound like a woman. Sometimes I dress like a woman. I don’t have the time or energy to school every person who meets me on my complex relationship with my assigned birth gender. It’s just easier to accept 95% of the world thinks I’m a woman. That’s how I think Kyo is, but in the opposite direction.

In summary, thank you for asking so politely. I think Kyo is a lesbian because I love him and because lesbians are neat.