#and it never really works to treat the stated passage of time

[orangedodge]

Okay, I have some questions:

1 how old was Dani Moonstar at the time of the, roughly, 2005 New X-Men series, and by extension, M-Day?

2 how old is she supposed to be now?

For the record, a part of me wants to say she was 19 when Elixir became her ward, but I'm not sure. I'm just trying to figure this out for myself.

If you take the in-universe dates and ages at face value, then we know 1) Rahne was 19 during New Mutants vol. 2/Academy X, when she worked as a teaching assistant. 2) Sam was over 21 during New Mutants vol. 3/Utopia (where he's above the California drinking age and it's not presented as a fake ID). Dani and Sam were both 16 when they were introduced, and were between 2 and 3 years older than Rahne. Utopia takes place around a year after Messiah Complex (and therefore both Academy X and M-Day), but that's also a direct reference to the real passage of time in a Marvel comic (always dangerous to trust!), so you could just as well ignore it if you want and have it take place some undisclosed number of months later. Either way Dani ends up being around 21 - 22 when she met Josh, depending on if she has an early or late birthday.

As for her current age in the comics right now... um, honestly she's probably intended to be around the same age, as absurd as that sounds? They've heavily compressed the timeline for Krakoa, so that there would be only two generations of X-Men, and part of the effect of having everyone die and get resurrected at least once is to let them just ignore age differences from here on out. If you look around at the modern comics, Laura (and her age cohort) are treated as the same age as the New Mutants or Jubilee. Xuan is dating a student and no one thinks it's weird. Illyana and Doug are presented as being in the same generation as Teen Cable, who is around the same age as the Stepford sisters and Armor. They're all somewhere nebulously in their early twenties, with the older X-Men (Scott's cohort) all somewhere nebulously around thirty.

Thanks for the question!

[crucipuzzled]

About Loid Forger's therapy in SxF manga chapter 77 (Spoilers ahead)

There's a Freudian text for everything. Today's all about The Question of Lay Analysis (1926), also known as Wild Analysis.

Endo did what I have been planning to do for a comic of my own: depict Loid actually working as a Psychiatrist. While I'm glad he took this path, sadly I can't say he did a good job on it.

As some of you know, I'm a therapist grounded in Psychoanalitic Theory. Yes, I like Freud and Lacan, and no, Oedipus Complex is not what you heard it is. I did a brief analysis of Psychiatry stuff in SxF in the past, and today I feel compelled to repeat that exercise.

Let's go in order.

1. The importance of being a third party

What's the reason for which people ask a therapist for help, and not their families or friends? What do we have that they don't?

The answer is pretty simple: neutrality. We don't have a side other than rationality and ethics. A good therapist should be able to listen to his patient without losing objectivity.

When you and your patient have a shared, unique shared experience, it's preferable, even ethical, to refer him to another therapist, in order to preserve the higher interest of the patient. The more neutrality you can muster, the better for the curing process. Otherwise, it's really hard to listen to someone else without being constantly reminded of yourself. It turns into a blind spot.

Now, there are exceptions to this rule, but you must handle them carefully, and always putting the patient at the center. Loid openly talking here about how close he is to the hijacking incident doesn't help much.

In short, you have to ensure that your position in the therapeutic process remains an impartial, neutral Other, and avoid becoming a fellow. It's good to create trust, but not too much, just enough to work.

2. Chronic condition (?)

The biggest difference between a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist is that the first went to Med School. Hence, chronicity is a term that applies mostly for organic conditions, but it's rare in the field of subjectivity.

In my short experience, I've met cases labeled as "chronic depression" being cured. I, myself, cured a case of "compulsive suicide attempts since 15 years old, chronic depression, started hearing evil voices 2 weeks ago". You might think that I'm a great therapist, but it's not the case; it's just that, in order to tackle subjective problems, you ought to go to the root of the symptoms and deal with the subjectivity you find there. Psychoanalitic therapy has proven to be wonderful to treat many conditions that didn't get a cure in other types of psychotherapy.

Of course, it's not a panacea. There are things that we can't figure out yet. But bear in mind that chronicity, in the field of the mind, is more complex than just the passage of time and only a bunch of mental conditions truly admit it.

Jacques Lacan, the most important psychoanalist after Freud, said that the unconscious's track of time is not chronological, but logical. You don't just jump out of adolescence because you turned 18; other things need to happen for you to finally feel like an adult. It's a logical progression. The same can be said about some "chronic" conditions.

3. Explicit Reason of Consultation vs Latent Reason of Consultation

A.K.A Everybody lies.

Psychotherapy is a really weird thing to learn and master. In Psychology School they teach you that you must trust what your patient tells you, but at the same time, distrust him enough. How to conceal both things?

Well, everything is easier when you take Dr. House's words to heart.

Everyone states a reason for consultation, but that first reason is never the real reason, no matter how reasonable it might sound. The trick to discern what the latent, real reason for consultation is, is to determine what the subjective conflict hiding in plain sight is. Sometimes there isn't any and therefore, a full psychotherapy is not necessary (maybe just assisting someone with some things, being there just in case, etc), but most cases are built upon a conflict.

I'm glad that Loid here decided to act like a good Psychiatrist and took a mental note on the oddities.

WELL SAID MY BOY, I'M PROUD OF YOU

I want to remark this, because it's discouraging how many therapists oversee this to simplify their job to an extreme. Believe it or not, there are therapists out there that act upon what their patients tell them first. "Hi doc. I came here today because I got an accident and I think I have PTSD". "Ok, I'll have you practice these mindfulness excercises and you should be ok within a month, see ya". DUDE.

4. The place of truth in the context of Psychotherapy

Ah, the classic temptation of knowing the 'real' truth. Is this patient in front of me bullshitting his way out? Is he in a delirium? Is she telling the truth, or just embellishing her story to make it more believable?

You don't have this struggle once you are certain of your role as a psychotherapist. And your role is to help your patients to deal with their subjective struggles.

In short: Psychoterapy deals with the patient's truth, not with the 'real' truth.

You know who deals with 'real' truth in the field of Mental Health? Social Workers.

We psychotherapists don't need to ascertain our patient's claims. Confronting them with reality usually proves to be fruitless, just like Loid did here ("But you're a respected educator!"). It's way more useful to open the topic by asking more questions such as "How did you reach that conclussion?" "What made you think that way?", or giving a specular answer ("You speak like someone else said that about you", "You're too hard with yourself. Where does that come from?", "It sounds like you're belittling your fear for what your wife could say", etc etc etc).

Whenever you're with a neurotic patient, their own personal truth is the only truth you need to work with. Leave the 'real' truth for people who actually needs it, like Social Workers, Doctors or Judges. Your role with a patient is to make sure that his personal truth can turn into something less painful. No need to talk with their friends and family for info, unless your patient is a child or a teenager; just ask him and stick to what he says word by word.

There's a huge topic about the place of reality in therapy, specially in the field of Psychoanalysis, but if I start this train of thought I'm afraid I'll go down to Hell. If you're interested, I've reblogged some Lacanian pills on this Tumblr, check them out by searching the tag #lacan.

PS: NO LOID, DON'T DO THAT. DON'T BREAK THE TRUST YOU ACHIEVED WITH MR AUSTIN! CONFIDENTIALITY IS A MUST!!

5. Counceling = Psychotherapy?

Loid is a (fake) Psychiatrist, not a psychotherapist, so I can't be too hard on him. Also I stan this man. I'm painfully well aware that councelling and coaching is an alternative to psychotherapy in other parts of the world, mostly in the US. But let's not forget one thing:

Psychotherapists DON'T GIVE ADVICES.

At least, not the ones that take this job seriously.

Everyone can give advices. Do you want an advice? Ask your family or friends, or post something in social media, or ask a complete stranger in the street what to do. You'll get plenty of answers and advices. Maybe a bunch of them will be really useful. Good!

The thing with advices is that: -They act like a universal recipe for a problem -There's no universal recipe to sort a problem -They don't tackle the subjective root of a problem -They assume that the problem can be solved by something you can do upon your surroundings, when the real struggle stems from subjective problems Some advices do help with real struggles, but when you have a subjective conflict, they barely help; hell, sometimes they make everything worse.

Like Loid here.

Remember when I mentioned that the unconscious mind's track of time is not chronological, but logical? This is a great example. Mr Austin won't be able to properly talk with his wife just because Loid adviced him to; he must solve other issues before that.

I'm glad we're on the same page on this one

6. Your therapist is not your friend

Sad but true.

If your therapist is good enough, you won't know many things about his private life. You won't know about his lover, his hobbies, where does he live, what does he fear.

Why the secretism? Because it's useless for the patient. Also because disclosing personal information has the effect of becoming a model for the patient, who would start to imitate you. And finally, because you need to mantain a semblance of neutrality and not getting emotionally close with the patient more than necessary.

PS: It's kinda cute how aware Loid is about Yor's every movement. Kinda. KISS HER ALREADY, GODDAMNIT

7. Talking cure and (how not to use) the divan

I talked a bit about divans here.

There, I mentioned that you should NEVER PUT A PSYCHOTIC PATIENT IN A DIVAN. NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE. Well, we can amplify this rule a bit and say that you should avoid the divan with any patient that has a risk of getting seriously upset, like in severe trauma.

The divan is not the only thing that could play against you if badly used. There are cases in Psychiatric Hospitals of patients getting upset because their therapists used the same clothes and hairstyle every single day for months. The point here is that, with psychotic patients and fragile psychic structures (like what happens in traumatized people), you can't use methods that require too much projection.

Also, Lottie here is not performing a Talking Cure.

The divan has been used since Freud to facilitate transference through the Free Association Method. You lay down on it and your therapist ask for whatever crosses your mind first. You don't put a content there beforehand.

(On the same line, if you're a therapist, please refrain from decorating your consultation room with motivational phrases. You're putting words in your patient's mouth before he even starts to speak)

So, it's useless to make Mr Austin lay down on a divan, only to ask him to remember a specific memory. I'd advice (Ha! The irony!) against using the divan here.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- To finish my Two Cents, I'd like to point some positive aspects of this chapter. It's nice that a troubled person decides to seek for help. There's still a huge stigma about men requiring mental health help, and it's a nice example to settle to portray one actually going to a Psychiatrist. Men usually struggle with their problems alone and they have it rough.

It's also nice that, in the end, Loid could help his patient. I wonder how (How?!), but it probably means that, at some point of the process, he changed his methods for the better.

And yes. Sometimes, helping one single person can change many lives. I'm honored to be able to attest to that :D

As everyone, I'd expect the logical sucession of events that could follow this chapter: Loid realizing he's got a heck of a wife compared to other marriages, appreciating Yor more, and giving us heavy smut cute TwiYor moments. But Endo has proven to be an author that doesn't like to follow logic. So, let's brace for whatever will come in two weeks.

Thank you for reading!

[smolbean-17]

SEASON 3 THEORIES

Part 1 (Episodes 1-3)

I never made any theories for Season 2, but quite a few of my theories from Season 1 were really close to what actually happened, so I figured I’d give my shot at theorizing Season 3.

I can’t really guess how exactly these plot points will land and in which episode, but I think these things will happen in the first 3 episodes, in no particular order. We’re getting all 3 eps in one night so they’re going to be establishing quite a bit.

Ep1 - Confined

This is the episode where we will see Omega and Crosshair confined at Mt. Tantiss together. Omega has her Season 2 hair, and seems more optimistic than she does later on in the trailer.

At this point I don’t think Omega is treated as a prisoner. I think she’s restricted of course, but it seems to me from the trailer that she’s serving as more of an assistant to Nala Se with limited freedom. Hemlock promised her she’d be treated well, and I feel like he was telling the truth. And maybe Omega has chosen to behave herself (for now) and has made a plan of luring them into a false sense of security so she can find a way out.

And then she sees Crosshair up and alert and not being tortured (and being escorted to another part of the facility? More cloning experiments?) and she decides to escape with him somehow.

Crosshair is disheartened and incredibly sad, maybe because he found out about Tech and perhaps believes his other brothers were captured/killed. Who knows. Someone either screwed with his emotional state before this shot, or maybe he’s just drained from his captivity. But I think it’s the former.

It will show more of the inner workings of what’s going on at Mt. Tantiss, but it won’t reveal too much. I think it will mostly establish what Omega is doing there.

Ep2 - Paths Unknown

As for the boys, we will see that there’s been a passage of time. How much time, I’m not sure. But probably a few months. That’s when we hear Hunter say the famous “Omega’s been waiting for us a long time. I’m not making her wait another day.” (pretty sure that’s all one quote that’s been sliced up)

It’ll establish that Echo has left again with Rex, probably to liberate more clones and look for hints about where Omega is along the way. Hunter and Wrecker are alone. They set up base on Pabu, recruiting help from Phee who is more than willing to help. But they never stay there long, and they run themselves ragged trying to find Omega and not getting any closer. Both Hunter and Wrecker are more angry and determined than we’ve ever seen them.

Ep3 - Shadows of Tantiss

Meanwhile, Omega finally hatches her plan to escape…

Things obviously don’t go according to plan, and she doesn’t get too far before she’s stopped. Just in case, they inject her with a tracking implant…

and she gets imprisoned.

It looks like this little cage situation is the same as this one from the leaked trailer:

Omega’s hair situation is really the only thing throwing me off lol.

So she meets Crosshair again. She tries to get through to him and show him that she hasn’t lost hope. He argues and Omega gets through to him in the way only she can. She finally gets him to agree to an escape.

The episode could end with Hunter and Wrecker getting a call from Rex and Echo that they finally have info on Omega, thus leading into Ep4, A Different Approach (which would make since if you consider they have new information).

So these first 3 episodes will be jam packed with information, and maybe not a ton of action, but will be establishing episodes to move the story along.

Another thing I noticed from the leaked trailer…

Are we getting a flashback(s)? That looks like Hunter’s old armor paint job, and that backpack and helmet to the left is very distinct and only belongs to one person…

I would seriously love to see Clone Wars era Bad Batch again. Maybe flashbacks are interspersed throughout the season for extra exposition/character development/emotional damage. Maybe the first episode opens on a flashback!

Let me know what you think! Part 2 coming soon!

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

[regnigt]

Emily of New Moon Book club, Chapter 1: The House in the Hollow

This is a book that has been of great important to me as I grew up, so I will make a good effort to join the book club, even as I tend to get just a bit intimidated when it comes to prose fandoms and often wind up more of a lurker. But here we go!

Chapter 1 is called The House in the Hollow. This might be the only one of LMM's longer works that I have read (there are several of them I haven't!) where the beginning sees the heroine in a happy state, living in the little isolated house with her father, surrounded by wild, beautiful nature and already an avid reader of books. Of course, already by the very first page we see warning signs, "Father had lain on the sittingroom lounge all day", followed by a mention that he had not talked much to Emily that day, which is noted as unusual. (Emily feels very seen and acknowledged by her father - being with him provides for her a baseline of what it's like to be respected and listened to by those you live with, as well as being loved. For all her future frustrations, she will never forget this.)

Moreover, as much as the narrative underlines that Emily herself is happy with her present state of things, I don't know that it completely disagrees with the common-sense view of Ellen Greene, either. I have never really been happy with the way Ellen is treated so contemptuously by Emily (in her thoughts, at least), and I wonder if there isn't a certain snobbishness there - Douglas Starr doesn't have the Murray snobbery, but he does look down on stolidly unimaginative people, even when they might have cause for concern. And Emily growing up so isolated from everyone else, other adults as well as other children, feels like it's not that wonderful an existence as it could have been, perhaps... although I am thinking this now, re-reading the passage once more as an adult, while I don't remember if I felt the same way as a child.

The short chapter is skilfully told, letting us know before we follow Emily on her walk that something important will happen once she return, then dipping back slightly in time to follow what she did earlier that evening. Then there's that gorgeous description of Emily's walk, letting us see the nature around it with her eyes drinking all of it in, being enchanted and helping to enchant it. And we get the first mention and description of "the flash".

Reading this passage makes me so full of nostalgia - I feel like I'm back to nine years old again and taking my own walks through nature that wasn't quite as unspoiled and stunning as the one Emily sees, but still enchanting and full of hints of possible adventures.

But it's not a complete nostalgia... The sense is a bit removed by something more than years, and that something is language. There was never any question to me that I would make this re-read through the English-language copy of the book that I own, and not the Swedish translation I was given as a present as a child. Regrettably, that old translation leaves way too many interesting and enchanting things out, as I learnt in adulthood. So, English it is. However, the child I was read all of this in Swedish, of course, just as the poetry I started to read at around the same time was also in Swedish. Despite having read fiction in English for many decades now, it can't be helped that when it comes to anything that invokes childhood memories, one's own mother tongue is just that much more immediate and vivid, and packs a stronger emotional punch. It can't be helped... (As an aside, I was surprised, once, to find out that the word that Emily uses for her intense experience of the sublime is "the flash". In Swedish we do not use the same word for a flash of lightning from thunder and other sudden flashes of light. Instead the Swedish translator chose to use the word "glimten", 'the glimpse', and for that choice, at least, I can't really fault her. It's likely the most suitable Swedish equivalent. But it did mean that I, of course, assumed it was called 'the glimpse' in English until I learnt better!)

[drippingheart]

Broken but not dead. Broken but not — He should have been roused from sleep by the hands of Mimiko and Nanako. Little giggles of encouragement mixing as warmly as the morning's sun, working better than any medicine to eliminate the nausea and migraine of another long night. Blood, sweat, and tears for a better future for his daughters and all of those cast aside like garbage by humans and jujutsu elders. Blood and sweat, plenty of it, but there were no tears to be shed as Getō Suguru was instead roused by the agony of a body that was best left dead. Fools. The elders would live and die to see their regrets through . . or had it been Gojō Satoru's @limitlessscion pity which would be the doom of them all?

Throat was almost completely void of moisture, but Suguru laughed — a dry and pitiful thing which ended up producing more discomfort than villainous intrigue. Oh, he should have been dead. No, he should have won against the fight with the mere child and claimed what would grant him assured victory in the war. Suguru no longer felt like chuckling. In his decrepit mental state, the defeated man drifted between rage and melancholy. Plush pillows and silk blankets should have been enveloping him. A freshly brewed cup of tea waiting in the hands of Suda Manami. Arms should have been knit close around the bodies of Mimiko and Nanako, but wait . . Oh, he no longer had two arms to embrace his daughters if he was to ever see them again.

── ❛ Mmmf. ❜

With vision obscured by blood matted hair, more dirty-brown than onyx at that point, it was the sorcerer bonds choking his limbs which made him realize the gravity of his loss. On the precipice of death, and the elders still bound him like a common criminal. Suguru's ego was certainly inflated, but there was no chance in heaven or hell he could produce a single ounce of fight, bonds or no. The excessive bondage did nothing to quell his ego. Nearly dead and they still considered him that much of a threat? Again Suguru groaned; flesh against sandpaper in sensation.

Why wasn't he killed? Why was he still alive? They intended to parade him around like some grotesque message and really aim to cut any fiber of self-worth. That was what jujutsu elders did after all — either treated sorcerers like pawns to use at their will or garbage to put at the curb. Suguru was both in this instance. He had never hurt this badly before not even in the aftermath of his defeat to Amanai Riko's assassin. The cockroach had been cruel but an efficient killer; this chaining of an armless and nearly dead man was, simply, sadistic.

Had Ieri Shoko been brought in to stave off death? He couldn't imagine his former friend stopping just there; she would likely desire to see him dead and not suffering or completely healed. Suguru was not actively bleeding, but he was certainly not healing either. Just a piece of mangled meat left to rot. Nevermind the comforts of his grandiose compound, all he wanted was to lie down and have the layers of blood washed away from his face. With both ankles and one wrist bound, he was forced into a constant kneeling position.

Kami, how he hurt everywhere as though every cell in his body was pricked with a nail. It ached. It throbbed. He should have died. Should have . . the pain was so strong he did not think he could return back to unconsciousness, yet he had to pry his eyes open once again. Stomach eating away at itself and desperate thirst were only indicators of the passage of time. Otherwise, he was still forced to kneel, still covered in blood, and still fucking exhausted. Days, hours, weeks. He knew nothing. Had he any moisture left, he would have shed a tear or two in longing for the presence of his daughters. Suguru had already been defeated. How much more did they want?

starter for @limitlessscion

[thisnameisnotspokenfor]

The Kingdom of the Stars

Chapter 25: The Spark

Previous: Chapter 24

Next: TBA

She’d had insane ideas before, but this one had easily taken the cake.

Taking a crowd that consisted of a star, a goat, and some birds through the castle’s secret passages that were infamous for carrying sound well was all but a disaster in the making. But what choice did she have? She wasn’t in the right state of mind to handle the castle’s staff scrutiny that her birds’ presence would bring.

But how could she leave them alone outside? She’d seen what Charo had done to them, what he would do if given the chance, and she…well she couldn’t find it in herself to let them out of her sight. 

She’d tried to tell herself that they were safe now and that they were all okay, but every time she’d tried to assure herself, she’d remember how violently Charo had attacked them and, how she’d failed to protect them and Valentino and, and- 

She sniffled, embarrassment filling her as the tears began to fall once more and soon she was sobbing.

“Asha,” came the star’s voice as he stepped forward, quietly offering her what must’ve been his hundredth tissue. 

“Thanks,” she sniffled, carefully taking the tissue from him. 

Wiping her eyes she debated on whether or not she should’ve felt guilty or embarrassed. She’d treated the star so badly this morning and yet here he was, helping her as she tried to pull herself back together. 

He’d been strangely quiet upon entering these passages, so he’d nearly startled her when he spoke once more  “Well…it’s decided.”

“What’s decided?” she asked, swiftly shoving her used tissue into her cape pocket. 

“I think that cat’s well past his expiration date!” The cheerfulness of his voice did not match his statement. At all.

“What?” She frowned. “What are you going to do? Kill him? The royal cat?”

The star’s smile grew. “Absolutely! Now who wants to join me?” he asked as all the birds collectively chirped in agreement, before freezing as she gestured for them to be quiet. 

After a second or so of cautious silence, she turned back to the star to protest, “No! No! That’s crazy talk! You can’t just kill the royal cat!” 

“I can’t?”  he raised his brow, but whether it had been out of sincere curiosity or challenge, she couldn’t tell.

“No! You can’t! You could get in trouble for that! The royals love their pet!”

His smile wavered as he thoughtfully looked away, “Alright then, I suppose I’ll just re-write him from existence! After all, they can’t love what they never had!”

Asha could only gawk at the now smug-looking star. “You…you’re joking right?!”

He smiled, his eyes ever so slightly narrowing. “Well I suppose there’s only one way to find out, isn’t there?”

She shook her head. “No. I do not want to find out, in fact, I don’t want you to do anything to that cat! He’s the royal cat! I’ll be banished If he gets hurt because of me!”

The star looked her over. “After everything you’ve done for this royal family lately, you’d really be banished over a paltry cat of all things?”  he nearly looked disgusted now. “Isn’t that the least bit insulting to you?”

“It is,” her gaze lowered to the floor, missing how the star’s smile shrank. “but it’s just the way things are. To most, that cat’s needs and wants are way more important than peasants like you or me.”

His smile was gone now. “But that didn’t stop you from fighting back.”

“I had to!” she winced at the slight edge in her voice. “It was self-defense! You saw what he was doing!” 

The star nodded, his eyes seemingly softening for a moment. Then he spoke, his voice far quieter and lower than it had been before. “I did. Which is why I can’t let him live, not if he’ll hurt you like he did today.” 

She narrowed her eyes, unable to find the strength within herself to glare, “You’re lying.”

He relaxed against the wall, a lazy smile teasing at his lips. “Am I? You’re welcome to test that theory, Asha.” 

She’d nearly started to voice her protest when she took in his face. 

Past the lazy smile, she could see something swimming within the depths of his eyes. Annoyance? Amusement? Irritation? It was hard to tell but she didn’t want to find out.

Enrique passionately chirped as the star’s grin grew, “That’s not a bad idea. I’ll have to take note of that. Write that down, Valentino.” The goat firmly nodded as if he didn’t lack opposable thumbs.

She sighed and continued to lead the group through the passage. 

She could tell that she wasn’t going to change the star’s mind on the matter, so the best thing was to change the subject to something much safer.

Maybe she should’ve felt flattered that at least the star was willing to go the distance to defend and comfort her like this. But resorting to murder seemed…extreme.

They’d reached the entrance to her quarters when she spoke again, “Cepheus, I…I need to ask you something.”

“Hmm?”

She took a step back towards him nodding. “Yes. You remember what you did in the library- when you struck the clock with your- you know?” she waved her hands imitating his hand gestures.

“Oh, that?” He slowly nodded as he grinned. “Yeah, I remember.”

“Good, because apparently you fixed the clock.”

He blinked, looking somewhat surprised “Fixed? It was broken?”

“Yes! It’d been broken for the longest time until you came! Now its arms are moving again! What did you do to it? What spell did you cast? Abracadabra-fix-yourself-icus?” she exclaimed while vaguely imitating his hand gestures once more.

He laughed, evidently amused at her makeshift spell name and imitation. “Fix? I didn’t fix anything, and besides that clock was never broken to begin with. It was just under some sort of stasis spell. A powerful one too, I felt it from the hallway.”

Now it was her turn to be surprised. “A stasis spell? So you’re saying someone magically put the clock to sleep?”

“Yes someone,” he feigned concentration. “Perhaps the only person who’s legally allowed to use magic in your kingdom. Hmm, I wonder who that could be…”

She scowled, crossing her arms. “That’s not funny Cepheus!”

“I never said it was,” he replied as she pulled the wall torch downwards. The sounds of the wall’s mechanics clicking and moving slowly filled the air as it began to shake.

“But why do you think the king of all people would be placing sleeping spells on clocks?” She asked. Granted, she’d seen him pick less than-reasonable fights with inanimate objects before, but this felt strange even for him.

“I’m not sure,” he drawled. “My guess is as good as yours, although who knows-,” he paused with a slight shrug, “Maybe it was someone else.”

“Someone else? But you said the king-”

The star raised a brow before turning his attention back to the moving wall in front of them. “Is the only one who could’ve legally done it. However I doubt he’s the only one in the kingdom with the ability to do so, regardless of his little legislature.”

“But if it wasn’t the king, then who else could it be?”

He hummed, “I can’t answer that, but what I can tell you is that earlier…I thought I felt the presence of more powerful people in this castle. Maybe even something else.”

“Was it the other apprentices?” she asked, watching as he shook his head. But if it wasn’t the apprentices, then who else could he be talking about? What if he were lying in an attempt to divert her attention elsewhere? She gazed at him suspiciously. 

She needed to stay focused on the doomsday clock and its implications. 

“So what did you do to it? What specific spell were you using when your magic hit it?”

He shrugged again, as the wall finished moving. “Nothing particular really. I was too busy trying to turn the wheels on the contraption I was riding when the wickedest albeit fairest maiden in the land tried to kick me till kingdom come. Some would say that it was an unfortunately violent ordeal.”

Her face burned, although she had a feeling that her past hour of crying had left her looking like anything but the fairest maiden in the land. “I wasn’t trying to kick you! I was just trying to push you back!”

He tilted his head ever so slightly as his smile returned in full force, “You put your foot on me and forced me back, is that not a kick?”

She huffed, “Look you won, so what are you complaining about? You got what you wanted, didn’t you?”

“Not yet,” his smile dissipated as he looked away. His voice grew quiet as he spoke once more “But if it distresses you so much, I suppose…we…you don’t have to go through with it.”

What? Was he…relinquishing his prize? She could barely believe her ears as she asked “After all that you’d really just say we don’t have to do it? Really?”

He shrugged, his eyes finally meeting hers. “If it’s just going to make you unhappy, then I suppose there’s no point in spending the day together.” 

To say she was shocked at his words would’ve been the understatement of the century! She hadn’t expected him to act like that! Heck, she was certain that if she’d won their wager, the first thing she would’ve done would be to completely disregard his feelings. But here he was, putting her own happiness over his victory.

Part of her had wanted to take his offer to call the whole thing off. She really had, but another part of her knew it wasn’t right. He had won by any means necessary. And then a tiny part of her had also wanted to pay the star back for his kindness in healing her, Valentino, and her birds. 

He’d helped her without hesitation, hadn’t he?

She supposed the least she could do was suck it up and spend some time with him. After all, it was just for a day, wasn’t it? How bad could that be?

Her question was left unanswered when the star examined her room that had come into view. “Is this your place?”

She nodded as they both entered her semi-messy living quarters. Valentino bolted past them, quickly helping himself to the space beneath her bed as her birds relaxed on her window ledge and bedpost.  “It is…welcome to my humble abode I guess…Please ignore the mess, this place used to be my Dad’s, but it’s mine now.” She supposed his curiosity was warranted given how she’d more or less locked him in her satchel when she’d left him here earlier. 

“This was your father’s?” he called, taking in the room as she nodded, half-heartedly attempting to tackle some of the room’s clutter. “Did you live here with him?” he asked, watching as she tossed some of her worn dresses and robes into her laundry basket.

“Sometimes, otherwise I was at home going to school,” she paused, watching as some of her toppled scrolls gently floated into her hands. “Thanks,” she murmured to the star as she put the scrolls in their place.

He nodded, but his gaze nearly looked distant, as if his mind were elsewhere. “So you’ve always lived with your family, regardless of your location,” the star said softly. “You stayed with your father here, and you live with your mother and grandfather at home. Was it…pleasant?”

She nodded, picking up a few more books and scrolls that had been scattered across her desk. “Well yeah…that’s how most humans live anyway. We’re social creatures. Unless you’re extremely introverted, but even then, we all need social interaction to some degree,” The star hummed thoughtfully, as she risked a glance in his direction. “Are…stars, not social creatures?”

He shifted uncomfortably, his eyes nearly lost in thought for a moment or so until he slowly shook his head. His voice was low and quiet. Now he nearly sounded wary. “No. Not quite…when stars are born…we’re sent to nebulas where our caretakers look after us. I suppose it’s what you’d equate to a nursery on earth, or at least, that’s what she told me.” 

She stood in front of him now, her hands full of books. “The wishing star?”

He nodded, his lips pressing into a thin line. “Yeah. Her. But during our stay there we are usually visited sometimes by our parents and family or the higher-ranked members of our court. Visitation is obligatory until we undergo our first ceremony- the naming ceremony.” Hold on. Cepheus- no, Sirius had a family?! Sirius had parents?!? What did they look like?! Did he have any siblings?! What did baby stars look like? Were they born looking like humans? He continued speaking, peacefully oblivious to the shock she was experiencing at his words. “ After that whether or not we are visited is ultimately up to our parents or family. So it’s not uncommon for some nebulas to be more popular than others.”

More Popular? So were there nebulas out there where tiny stars resided neglected and lonely? Waiting and hoping for the day that their parents would acknowledge their existence? Something about that image didn’t sit right with her. Every child deserves to have a parent, even if said child isn’t human…

“Asha?” He was staring at her as he took a seat on her bed.

“Huh,” she shook her head, snapping herself out of her daze. “What? What is it?”

Much to her chagrin, his smile returned in full force. “Oh, nothing you were just staring at me so intently that for a second I thought you were about to pull out your telescope to get a better view.”

She rolled her eyes stepping past him as she placed her books down on her desk before turning her attention to the rest of the room that she promptly decided would have to be dealt with ‘later’ . “Ha ha very funny. I wasn’t staring at you. I was just wondering…Was your nebula popular?”

His expression somewhat soured as she watched him run his hand through his hair, completely combing away the black strands from his now bluish-grayish eyes as they narrowed at her. “Maybe? I don’t know…I wasn’t exactly old enough to remember.” 

The idea of the star in front of her being a toddler or smaller was admittedly…cute. But she couldn’t stop herself from asking her next question, “Were you the most or least popular star in your nebula?”

His brows furrowed in thought for a moment, “Hmm neither? I was the only ‘child’ there so to speak.”

“Were you popular with your caretakers?”

He shrugged, “Ehh I don’t know. I’m pretty sure I had them on rotation. I wasn’t exactly an angel back then per se.” 

She grinned, imagining a toddler Cepheus wreaking havoc on his poor caretakers. “So you were a bad child huh? I guess it checks out.”

He smiled sheepishly, as he scratched the back of his neck “OK so I might have started out bad, but-,”

“But?” She repeated, not quite able to completely stifle her own chuckle.

“I got better .” She snorted. “I swear I did!” 

She could barely keep herself from laughing as she asked, “So you’re what you’d consider good now? A reformed person? You’ve (no pun intended) seen the light?”

“Eh…Close enough, I suppose,” he smiled. Now she was laughing, not necessarily at him but at the whole revelation of Sirius- Sirius , being a bad child.

She took a seat next to him on the bed. 

He was close, not as close as he’d been to her in the library but close enough for her to feel his warmth. She couldn’t help but let the moment sink in for her.

Sitting here, surrounded by her and her father’s astronomy notes and studies on stars as one of them casually sat next to her, was surreal. So surreal that she wasn’t even sure what to make of it.

Life truly worked in mysterious ways, didn’t it? 

She smiled, shifting to make herself comfortable. “Don’t feel too bad about it starboy. It’s not a bad thing to be a boisterous child, alright? Trust me, when I was little, I don’t think I was exactly an amazing child either.”

The star’s brow lifted as she felt him lean towards her. The bed groaned underneath his movement. “Really? What was little Asha like?”

Her gaze shifted to her hands. “Little Asha was a dreamer I think. She spent more time asleep than awake, dreaming of days where she’d get to go on adventures, see the world, meet a prince, dance with him at a ball, and do some other things.”

“And did she ever realize those dreams?” he gently asked.

She shook her head. The only dream that had come close to materializing had been when she’d met the very formal prince of Rosas. But it had taken the death of her father to initiate that. Not a magnificent or romantic ceremony or circumstances she’d dreamed of. 

“None of her dreams ever came true,” Asha quietly admitted as Adelina gently landed in her lap, softly chirping. “But that’s okay.”

“Okay?” the star frowned, slightly leaning away from her. “None of her- your dreams ever came true? Not one?! What about the one with the prince?”

“The prince,” Asha paused, debating her answer. She had reason to suspect that the star liked the prince a little less than he liked any other person he’d come across so far. So she settled with the simple answer of, “He’s an acquaintance.” Most little girls living in magical kingdoms didn’t dream of having princes for acquaintances. A prince who was an acquaintance couldn’t make you a princess nor sweep you off your feet. The most he could do was be nice to you, even when he didn’t trust you.

To her dismay her answer only made his frown deepen, and now he looked displeased. “That sounds terrible.”

“It’s just life,” she shrugs. “You know how many people have to live knowing that some of the things they want or yearn for will never happen? A lot . But we learn to make do with what we have… and what we don’t.” The star was silent. “There’s more to life, and to people than wants and wishes, and you can still be happy without them.”

“Are you happy Asha?”

She stiffened. How could he have asked her that question after what happened earlier? What point was he trying to prove? 

“I’m fortunate,” she carefully began, as she shoved the memories from earlier out of her mind. “I have a place to stay, a family that loves me and those I care for,” she paused as Valentino peaked his head from underneath her bed skirts. Mara pitched on her shoulder. “-and a home to go to when I need to.” 

“But you are not happy.”

She frowned, forcing her gaze to meet his evenly. “I never said I wasn’t-,”

“But you never said you were either.” he pointed out. His eyes rested on the small crowd of birds who had settled on the bed next to him. “It’s not bad to wish or want for more. Sure you may not need everything you want, but if you never want anything, what will push you to change? To grow? What purpose would your life have but to fall into a meaningless pattern?”

She could feel her fingers scraping at her bedsheets as she scowled at her desk. “Did the wishing star tell you this as well?”

“She told me enough for me to make my own conclusions.”

“Did she visit your nebula quite often? You two sound like you were…close.” Close was an understatement. One look at the star had easily convinced Asha that although he lacked many things, with sanity and covertness being the biggest offenders, he certainly wasn’t lacking in terms of female company.

But for some reason, he stiffened. “I suppose you could call us that. She visited whenever she could, like she does to all the nebulas. But she’s a busy star, Asha. She’s an alpha star. When she's not ruling her court, she’s off tending to her other duties…Her job isn’t exactly for the faint of heart.” He turned to look at her, “But I’ve been meaning to ask you something-,”

“What is it?” she sighed, wiping her eyes that she was certain still looked red and swollen.

“Well...weren’t you supposed to get time off for your grandfather’s 100th birthday hence you were doing all those tasks that you were entrusted with?”

She rolled her eyes. “Entrusted is generous , but yes.”

“So is there any particular reason why you’re back here instead of elsewhere? If you don’t mind me asking,” he hurriedly added. 

“No, it’s fine,” she leaned back on the bed, glancing towards the dreary-looking stone ceiling as she started. ”You are right about doing this for time off. It was the initial agreement.”

“But I assume that your sovereign had other plans?”

She nodded, closing her eyes as she let the familiar silence of her quarters fill her ears. “The king summoned me here, and I agreed to clean the library in exchange for a meeting on a funding proposal. I finally got the meeting but I got rejected. Again. And now he wants me to-” Her voice trailed off, as she realized that she’d been on the verge of telling the star- the star - about the wishing ceremony!

She needed to get a grip! Sure she was upset but with the doomsday clock drawing towards what could be the kingdom’s final hour, the room for mistakes was quickly depleting with every passing second.

Luckily for her, the star seemed to have his focus elsewhere as he looked around the room before his gaze re-settled on hers. His eyes were now a brilliant blue as she heard him curiously ask, “Funding? You need money? What for?”

“I’m an aspiring inventor,” she sat up, handing him her schematics journal from her satchel. She couldn’t help but feel as if the journal had lost some of its pristine since the meeting.  “I like to design and invent things to solve my problems. And before you ask, it’s a form of science. Sci-ence .” She hated how the corners of his lips twitched as he began to look through the pages. “I want the king to fund my projects so I can take them to the next level and make them bigger and better.”

“But he said no?” the star asked, his curious eyes resting on one of her boat designs.

“They all did,” she scoffed, as she began to angrily storm about her study. “Like they always do. And it’s not fair! Other kingdoms have become so technologically advanced and are on the verge of massive breakthroughs! We are so behind and literally no one cares! Because it’s always the king can do this, the king can do that!” She let out a sound of frustration as she gingerly rubbed her temples. “I don’t know why I bother.”

The star hummed thoughtfully, not taking his eyes away from the book as he spoke, “I can see why you bother. These are very creative.”

“Creative? Ha!” she scoffed, angrily pacing the corner of the room as she stopped to lean against the wall. 

A fire had been ignited within her, one that had quickly consumed her sadness as she found the words spilling from her lips. “If I had money for how many times I’ve heard ‘Oh they’re so creative! But-’ then I wouldn’t need to be slaving away for just a consideration of funding! Not when all anyone else has to do is just have magical glowy hands or write some ode to the king to easily get their funding approved! Someone, please make it make sense to me!” She paced the small corner once more, seething with every step she took as the meeting replayed in her head. It had all been so pointless! From the citizens to the king and his advisors and apprentices, she knew no one would be able to understand nor would they want to!

Had she not been so angry, she probably would’ve noticed how the star was now keenly observing her. Finally, he spoke, “If you'd asked me, Asha, I would’ve told you yes.”

As much as she appreciated the star’s support and efforts to comfort, she hadn’t forgotten his low status which had given his words little to no meaningful weight. But he couldn’t have been a star peasant, could he? Not if he was Sirius, one of the most notable stars in the sky… 

“Asha?” the star, Cepheus or rather Sirius, asked.

“Yes?”

“What’s that over there?” he pointed past her and further into the corners 

“Where?” she whirled around, as her eyes searched the messy corner for the object he’d been pointing to in particular.

“That,” he repeated as she caught sight of her old covered chalkboard hidden beneath the corner’s disarray.

“Oh this?” she pulled the covered chalkboard from the dusty corner. “It’s my old chalkboard.” 

This old chalkboard had once been her father’s. It had been one of the objects he’d told her he’d taken from the kingdom before Rosas. He’d used it many times to teach her a variety of calculations and mathematics that any astronomer would need.  

She couldn’t believe that she’d nearly forgotten about it. Why had she put it back here anyway?

Heat flew to her cheeks as the words that she’d etched on the chalkboard offered her the perfect answer as they read  ‘The Science of Wishes’ over several sketches of wishes, planets, and calculations. 

She yanked the cloth back down over the chalkboard before turning back to the star. “Haha, what…what chalkboard?”

She would’ve shoved it back into the mess of the corner had the star not squinted before the chalkboard floated forward as the sheet dropped from its surface.  “That one. What’s that say?”

“Ehhhh,” she hesitated, looking from the star to her birds and Valentino, who gave her an encouraging nod from beneath her bed. She could lie, and with any luck, he’d believe her. But lying to him would inevitably catch up with her, especially if he had less than benevolent reasons for his earthly arrival.

He seemed to trust her enough as is, so why ruin a potentially good thing? If all went south maybe she could persuade him to spare her and the people of Rosas. Maybe.

She sighed, facepalming, as she felt her face burn underneath her touch. “it’s an old project I did. On the science of wishes.”

Now the star looked surprised, maybe even pleased. “Oh? But I thought you hated wishes?”

“I do!” she tensed, before grimacing. Yelling at Sirius was definitely not a wise thing to do. “But this…this is different,” she carefully explained, fighting the embarrassment that she’d felt at her previous presentation of the board’s contents. “It was just me trying to understand something! So I know, yes it sounds stupid,” she grumbled without glancing at the star. She could only imagine him laughing like how the scholars and advisors had so long ago. 

Back then her quest to apply science to the wishes was what the king could only call ‘a journey with no reward nor treasure’ which, in all honesty, was true. But she hadn’t made this board to seek treasure, she’d done it to seek closure. Closure for her grandmother’s and father’s wishes that had never been answered, and perhaps closure for all the other reasonable wishes that would never be materialized.

“Back when I was younger, I thought there was some sort of theorem as to how wishes were not only manifested but could manage to materialize themselves over a seemingly infinite period of time where they somehow interact with the physical world.” She risked a glance at the star. She’d honestly been expecting to see him laughing or somewhat amused at her ‘impractical attempts’.

But to her surprise, he did neither. Instead, he quietly sat there, looking on with newfound curiosity in his eyes as he nodded, beckoning for her to continue.

She coughed, straightening herself ever so slightly as she brought more of the board forward  “I know it sounds crazy, but I believed that these same properties that allowed them to exist were the same properties that allowed them to break and bend reality as we know it when they're granted. Of course, it’s all metaphysical” She paused, taking in the star’s expression. He was watching her intently now. “But I was hoping to see if there was a correlation between the wishes that were usually granted versus those that weren’t. I wanted to know "If you could modify a wish that had already been granted to do more” and “What happened to a wish if…the person who made it was…no longer living.”

“Fascinating. Did you ever find your answers?”

She shook her head “Of course not. This whole wishing thing is abstract and crazy complicated-,”

“Tell me about it,” the star muttered under his breath as he examined the board. 

Despite herself, she couldn’t help but laugh at his words. “Geeze and a wishing star feels that way…glad to see I’m not the only one…wait…you’re a wishing star-,” she started as she pointed towards him.

He nodded. “Yes.”

“And I, a human,” she pointed towards herself. “am trying to explain the ‘science of wishes’ to you… ” The room fell silent as the two looked at each other and then at the board.

“I feel like there’s some sort of cruel irony hidden here,” Asha muttered under her breath. She didn’t care much for cruel irony, especially when it concerned her. 

“Most likely yes,” the star nodded in agreement as he smiled once more. His eyes examined the chalkboard before he pointed towards the mathematical equations that neared the bottom. “What sort of mathematics are these?”

“Astrophysics. I borrowed some of them from some of my astronomy textbooks I’d read at the time.”

“Astronomy textbooks,” the star repeated before his eyes widened and he looked at her. “You’re an astronomer?”

“An aspiring one,” she confessed as she turned to her satchel, quickly pulling out her star maps and her father’s astrolabe. She held them towards him.  “I mean it’s the reason why I make star maps, use my telescopes, and whatnot-,”

In a heartbeat he was hovering over her, practically brimming with excitement as he looked over her father’s astrolabe asking, “Oh? So what court have you pledged your allegiance to? What’s your placement in the order? Who’s your favorite star? It’s me, isn’t it? Of course, it is. Who’s the headmaster now? When did you-”

“Whoa- whoa- whoa,” she backed up, nearly startled at the speed and eagerness of his questions. “Hold on a minute there, allegiance to a court? As in a star court? People pledge their allegiance to them?”

He nods, “Astronomers do.”

“Why?”

He tilted his head, gazing at her curiously, “Why not? How else do you think astronomers came to learn their craft?” She couldn’t think of how to answer that without telling the star how the people of Rosas despised his kind. Nevertheless, when she didn’t speak he continued, “Different astronomers associate themselves with different courts. From what I’ve heard It’s practically the first thing you do when you join the order. The older stars used to tell me that the headmaster helps with-”

“Headmaster? Order?” she knew she was being rude by cutting him off, but she just couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by his words. 

“Yes, you know- The order? The Astronomer’s Order.” 

“There’s an order for astronomers?”

He nodded, before looking at her father’s astrolabe and then back at her as if she’d grown two heads, “you didn’t know?”

She quickly shook her head “No! I…I don’t know anything about any order, other than the ones the king gives me on a daily basis…Astronomy isn’t formally taught around here.”

He looked concerned now. “Of course it is! How else did you get this?” he asked, gesturing to her astrolabe before he withdrew a familiar-looking silver coin from his pocket.

“My coin!” she exclaimed as he seemed to examine it. “Is there anything particularly special about it?”

He paused, glancing from the coin to her as if debating something before he finally settled on an answer. “That depends on what you mean by special. If you are not a part of the order, then how did you get this?”

She could sense the smallest note of concern, maybe even displeasure in his voice, as if something here was amiss, and she supposed it was. He knew something she didn’t know. But for whatever reason he wasn’t telling her.

 “I got that from a friend, a family friend. She gave it to me as a gift. Said it was a good luck charm.”

His expression was practically unreadable now, but he didn’t look particularly happy. “A family friend? Was she an astronomer?”

Asha shook her head, as she glanced toward her father’s astrolabe, remembering how Miss Isla’s late husband had owned a replica of it. “Not that I know of. But her late husband and my father were astronomers.”

Now the star looked confused as if he were trying to piece something together. “I don’t understand…your father was an astronomer. Was this his?” He asked, gesturing to the astrolabe in her hands. She nodded.  “yet you do not know the order? Do you not have any contact with them? How did you acquire most of your astronomical knowledge?”

She shook her head, in response to his first two questions. “Everything I know about astronomy is because my father taught me. Most of the astronomy books and stuff I have is because of him. There wasn’t really an order for anyone to formally join nor was there ever any record of one existing.”

“That makes no sense,” he shook his head, mulling it over... “You don’t know about the order yet you have their very clock hanging in your library?…how is that possible?”

“Well, that clock is currently owned by the… Wait did you just say that the clock belonged to them? To the Astronomer’s order? So did it really exist? I mean I wish that I- oops, er, forget that last part please.”

The star was no longer paying attention as he muttered something to himself in his native tongue before slowly nodding as if he finally arrived at some conclusion. “It all makes sense now…at the beginning, I thought….hmm you really don’t know…”

“Don’t know what? What are you talking about?”

“Your father,” the star started again, this time grasping her shoulders gently. ”Where is he?”

“He’s…” her voice quieted as she looked away. “He’s gone. All of the astronomers are.”

His grip on her loosened as she saw him step away. For a moment she thought he looked as if she’d stabbed him. 

It was clear that something about her answer had rocked him to the core. But whether it had been at the notion of the order no longer existing or her father’s death she wasn’t sure.

His eyes were now full of melancholy as he murmured, “I’m sorry…I didn’t know”, sounding more repentant than she thought possible for a star. For a monster. When he looked like that…when he sounded like that…it was hard to see him as a possible monster hellbent on carrying out destruction.

She looked away. “It’s fine. It’s been some time since he passed, he and my grandmother, but I’d like to think that things have gotten better since then.” 

“I’m sorry Asha..” 

“Don’t be Cepheus,” she softly replied as she sat back on the bed once more. “From the moment you’re born, everyone is destined to someday pass. For some people, it’s sooner rather than later. It..it doesn’t make it any less painful, but it just means that you should learn to not take the people around you for granted, at least not while you can still appreciate them.” 

Her thoughts wandered to her grandfather. His 100th birthday was quickly approaching, and part of her was worried. Most people didn’t live that long. Sure her grandfather was stronger than most, but hadn’t her father been strong as well? But then she’d seen how he’d suffered and wilted. His body slowly failed him till he completely succumbed to the illness that had confused Rosas’s doctors. 

She didn’t want to think about the same thing happening to her grandfather or mother. Not after she’d seen how it had destroyed her grandmother. 

She could still remember the day she’d seen her grandmother at her father’s funeral, bitterly weeping, moments before her heart would rip itself apart. 

That day had ended with two funerals instead of one.

Her eyes wandered over her desk before landing on the familiar box that held her grandmother’s music box. She pulled the box to herself, the silence quickly growing painful. “My grandmother was an extraordinary inventor who could always capture the beauty in the world in whatever she created.”

“Did she inspire you?” He asked, quietly taking his seat next to her as she opened the box, allowing for the music box to come into view.

Asha nodded, her hands trembling as she opened the music box. The two dancing figures stood there, frozen in time as they held each other, waiting for her to do something, to fix them. 

She looked away, unable to take in the sight any longer as she sat the music box down on the edge of the bed before standing up. Quietly she picked up the stack of books she’d left on the top of her desk earlier. “She did…I wanted to show you this…this is all I have left of her…before she passed.”

He neared her, his voice gently saying, “It’s beautiful.”

“It is, and it used to work until…until I…I got so angry that I-” Her voice trailed off as she shook her head. “I did everything I could to put it back together. To get it to work. I wanted my grandfather to be able to hear her music on his birthday. That was all I wanted! But nothing I do ever works!”

Much to her embarrassment she’d not only found herself admitting to her failures to the star, but pacing the room in frustration once more.  “I’ve practically rebuilt the thing, but there’s something missing! I just don’t know what it is!” She snarled, dropping her books on the desk with a hard THUD as she watched Valentino jump. His head hit her bed as the music box shook, teetering off the bed.

“Careful!” the star called, reaching forward as both of their hands grabbed the box in unison. Her hand on one side and his hand on the other, balancing it as she watched the box glow  

“Whoa,” she breathed in disbelief as the light vanished, and in its absence a small tune slowly emerged from the box, followed by the sounds of gears turning. 

Her jaw dropped as she watched the two golden figures slowly start to twirl as her grandmother’s melody filled the air. 

It worked. It worked! 

In the furthest parts of her mind, she could hear her grandparents singing in unison to the melody as it continued to play. ‘What’s pain? When I look at you?’

Valentino and her birds cheered as she turned to the star, surprised to see that he was just as shocked as she was. 

Elation filled her as the figures continued to waltz in perfect sync just like they had done for her so many years ago. A small laugh escaped her lips as the melody continued and she could see in her mind’s eye her grandparents waltzing in turn as well.

It was finally fixed! The last piece of her grandmother’s legacy had been restored. She set the music box down on her desk before she wiped away a few stray tears that had escaped her eyes. 

Now she could hear her again. Her grandmother’s voice faintly humming along to the tune, on their way to the wish gardens and thanks to the star, her grandfather could get to hear her again too. 

“Asha?” the star said softly. “Asha, are you ok?”

“Thank you,”  she whispered, just as she brushed away a few more tears. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! You fixed it! I don’t know how I could ever pay you back for this!”

“Well, I can think of a few ways for tomorrow” he chuckled softly. “But…I mean you’re the one who put it back together. All I did was just you know,” he flicked his finger as she saw the power from his fingers flicker, and spark. 

Wait. Spark? Was the star the spark? But how could that be? A technology like her grandmother’s music box that had incorporated magic into its inner workings ... It didn’t sound feasible, but then again, hadn’t said technology come from the great predecessor of Rosas? Their technology at the very least had surpassed Rosas’s current day one, so maybe it wasn’t an impossibility for them.

But to incorporate the magic of stars… Had that been the result of the allegiance that the star had spoken of? After all, he did seem to imply that the very discipline of astronomy itself had come from the stars. Almost as if the stars themselves had taught the humans of the order.

That revelation had been startling, to say the least. Well, that and the clock’s origin. Had the doomsday clock truly come from this lost order? It would explain why the star’s magic had made it work. But why had it made her grandmother’s music box work? Sure they were comparable in technology, but hadn’t the prince said that the clock had also come from the king’s homeland?…if that was true, then…was this astronomer’s order a part of Rosas’s predecessor? Why would the order keep a doomsday clock? Better yet, why had the king and head librarian tried to get rid of the clock? Why not try to preserve it like the rest of his homeland artifacts? Why hadn’t there been any trace nor mention of said astronomy order in the records? Had that been deliberate? 

She shook her head, trying to still the cascade of questions that threatened to overwhelm her. The mention and possibility of the existence of this order was, admittedly exciting, but she needed to think about this logically. 

If the star was speaking the truth on the order’s ties to the star court, then the king neglecting to mention the order did make sense.

Stars were dangerous. The king slayed stars to protect the wishes of his people. He was the very antithesis to these astronomers and maybe the entire olden kingdom who were beneficially connected to the stars.

But just how deep did this connection run? How had it been formed in the first place?

She needed to know. 

“Cepheus,” she spoke again. “You said stars could speak any language right?”

“I did,” he nodded, as she reached for her father’s scrolls. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, my father had some scrolls that he claimed were pretty old. I’m not sure where they’re from but I can’t make sense of them, so I was wondering if you could possibly read the language inscribed on them. It’s not like any other language I’ve seen before.”

“I could try, but I make no promises. I’m not exactly the best reader you know-,” he carefully took the scroll, his eyes scanning its contents as she watched his expression change. She wasn’t sure how long he’d been examining the scroll before he asked, “Your father…your father had this?”

She nodded, “he did…can you decipher it?”

He slowly nodded. “I can.”

“What?” She pointed to the symbols on the scroll, “You can understand this?! But not any other language?! This is practically gibberish!”

He nodded,  a note of laughter present in his voice as he simply replied. “I can.”

“How?! How is that possible?!”

The star laughed this time, “Well for starters, it’s written in -,” The string of sounds that left his lips was completely lost on her. 

“What?” 

“Sorry, I forgot that’s not intelligible to humans. What I meant to say was that it was written in Cosmelathian.”

“Cosmelathian?” she carefully repeated as he nodded.

“Yes, it’s the primary language of the stars.”

“The primary language of the stars. So it is a legitimate language, right? You guys still speak it?”

The star nodded, “. Of course! We also have other languages, but Cosmelathian is the most common language spoken on this side of the universe…it’s also the first language I spoke to you when I met you.”

“Ha!” she victoriously nodded as she looked back to the scroll. “I knew it! I knew it wasn’t gibberish!”

“I’d certainly hope not,” the star chuckled as he turned his attention back to the scroll. 

“So how does the language work? I know before that I said it was possibly some sort of root dialect, but how do these-” she pointed to the symbols on the page. “Translate orally?”

“Oh! Well, it’s actually pretty simple, you see these,” he gestured to the symbols, “can be translated to human words and syllables. Of course, they vary with form, past tense, time tense, emotions, cadence, and intention. Different courts have different dialects, so the language might sound a bit different depending on which star you’re dealing with…It’s not an easy language to learn, but it seems like the order always had a fairly good command of it. I suppose it was a trade they learned from us during their studies.”

“Different dialects?” That didn’t sound too different from how some places on earth were. Regions of Rosas varied with colloquialisms and accents…”But the astronomers knew this language?”

He nods.

“Which dialect was this written in? Can you tell the court that the astronomer had pledged allegiance to?”

“Yes. My best bet is the blue court,” he answered rather simply. “Here I’ll show you…” With a wave of his hand, a piece of paper materialized along with a strange-looking quill as it quickly began to write down several symbols followed by their definitions. Patiently he began to explain it to her, casually switching from their language to her’s in the process. “These are some beginner tips, if you master this, it makes the language a little less foreboding when deciphering,” he explained

They must’ve spent at least an hour going over the basics, with him teaching her and her fumbling through any and every pronunciation she’d come across.

She’d nearly collapsed backward onto the bed after finishing her first sentence. “Did you understand what I said?”

He nodded, “you told me that Enrique and Mara were siblings.”

“Exactly!” she cheered as both Mara and Enrique chirped. “How was my accent?”

The star rubbed his chin thoughtfully, “Your accent…well….”

“Be honest with me Cepheus-,”

“Alright,” he smiled, clearly trying to hold back his laughter as he leaned toward her. “Asha?”

“Yes?”

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a very domineering lady?” 

“What the-,” she sat up as she shot him a confused look. “That’s your main takeaway??? How did you even reach that conclusion?!”

“I’m sorry,” he laughed, nearly falling over. “It’s just that, accent-wise, you sound like you speak it with so much authority that you may as well be an alpha star-,”

“An alpha star?! An alpha star? !”

“If I were you, I’d take it as a compliment,” he smiled, wiping away a few tears that’d fallen from the corner of his eyes. “Some alpha stars have to train for centuries just to sound that authoritative, but here you are doing it on your first lesson.” He leaned his back against the bed, as a few birds landed on him. He placed his forearm over his eyes as he spoke, “You need to speak it more fluidly. Let your tongue naturally follow the syllables instead of trying to twist them to your needs, and never forget your cadence. Always remember your cadence!” He glanced at her, asking, “Would you like me to demonstrate for you again?”

“Yes please,” she grumbled, looking away as she felt her face warm. As much as she hated to admit it, something was pleasing about the way how the star spoke his native language. Was it because of the melodic undertones of his language? Or how his voice ever so slightly lowered when he spoke it? 

She wasn’t sure, but a part of her wouldn’t mind hearing him speak it more often to her. An observation that she deemed, she’d gladly take to the grave.

“You make it sound so simple,” she sighed as he finished. “And you’re sure that humans can really speak this language?”

He nodded. “It’s what all astronomers must learn if they wish to translate and transcribe the language.”

“Did you ever get to see it?”

“See what?” he asked her.

“The order.”

His expression changed, one to mock offense, “Asha. I’m not that old.” 

“The Astronomer’s order is old?!”  she exclaimed.

He nodded, “Yeah I’ve been told that they’ve been around for a while, or what you’d humans call several lifetimes.”

“But if they were that old…then how did they just disappear without a trace? Surely they should’ve left something, anything behind! Just to let the world know that they existed!”

“Perhaps they’ve gone underground? It wasn’t uncommon for the order to do so during times of peril to protect itself.”

“But what would it be protecting itself from?”

He shrugged, not taking his eyes off the scroll as he replied, “That’s anyone’s guess I suppose.” 

She frowned. How could he be so nonchalant about this? Hadn’t he been the only one concerned earlier over her having things while not having a connection to the order? Why was he acting so calmly now?

“Asha, would you like to hear what’s on the scroll?”

She nodded, making a mental note to investigate the astronomer’s orders whereabout later. 

The star re-seated himself in the bed as she followed, taking a seat next to him as her birds landed nearby. Valentino carefully crawled from beneath her bed to listen.

“Our story comes from a time long ago.” the star started. 

Slowly the room’s corners became muddled and shrouded as if slowly changing. 

She thought she’d been imagining it at first. But the sudden sounds of chirping crickets, along with the smell of distant smoke assured her that she was no longer in her room. She sat up with a start, looking around as she realized the bed beneath her had vanished, only leaving behind in its place the edge of a dark forest.

[redjadethewriter]

Age Superiority and Toxic Views on Age Differences in Blank The Series

Yes, I'm back to ranting about this series. You would think I had enough by now, but there's so much to talk about that my mind goes rampant, thinking about it. Okay... Let's get into it.

First, age superiority is a silly thing. I'm not gonna lie; it erks me.

Storytime to start this off.

Once, I shared with someone the secret to my youthful appearance, saying, “I hang around a lot of young people.” This statement made him laugh uncontrollably, likely because of the sly grin on my face as I said it. However, my words were both a joke and a reflection of my true beliefs. I hold a great deal of respect for the younger generations and have cultivated a mindset that values respect for all individuals, regardless of their age, gender, culture, or ethnic background.

My guiding motto is simple: “I respect those who respect me.” If someone shows disrespect towards me, it matters little what their status, wealth, or accomplishments may be—I will not tolerate it. In such situations, I prefer to turn my back and walk away, as no one is deserving of my time and energy, not even in pointless arguments. Overcoming highly emotional states and the passage of time have taught me this lesson.

As time goes on, some things can be learned, while others require dedicated effort and experience to truly grasp. My effort has always been about becoming aware, and the only way to gain awareness is through knowledge and experience. However, some go through life not learning from their mistakes or grow from certain experiences. Some choose to ignore the surrounding people, not listen to them, or have a superiority complex, especially around younger folk or someone who’s less fortunate. This triggered me in Blank the Series. Look, I understand certain cultures its ingrained in us to respect our elders. I come from a background as such. It may not be an Eastern Asian background, but it parallels on a similar level.

Okay, let me share my opinion on something that bothered me in the series, even though I know the story intentionally crafted it that way. In the novel, I can understand why everyone would treat Anueng like a child. After all, she was written as only 18 years old, and in my country, we still consider that too young. However, in the series, she was 20, almost 21. At that age, I had a lot more freedom compared to her. I had a job; I was going to university; I was going out, drinking, and even hooking up with older women facing no judgment from my parents or society. Although the standards in my country may be more relaxed, it’s not something that would shock anyone, I know.

So, when I watched Anueng, an adult woman, being treated as less than an adult, it really bothered me. Yes, she acted annoying most of the time, but I understood she used it as a way to get a reaction from Khun Nueng and to hide her true feelings. It was her way of wearing a mask, just like we all do. I mean, who really acts like themselves in public?

Throughout the show, I witnessed a scared Anueng who simply wanted others to see her as an adult and not subject her to abuse, control, or assumptions about her best interests. She wanted to be able to decide for herself and express her true feelings. And let me tell you, I’ve worked in retail and have interacted with people of all ages, from 18 to senior years. I’ve talked to them, listened to them, and got to know them. And using age as a measure of superiority is just plain dumb. I’ve met older people who make unwise choices and never learn from them, while I’ve also met young people who are wise beyond their years. So, I never judge a book by its cover.

Some young people I’ve had the privilege of getting to know have had experiences just as crazy as mine, if not crazier than someone twice their age. And then there are those who still have a lot to learn. That’s why I never assume their level of experience. And that’s also why older women who dated me were okay with pursuing a relationship with me. They saw my book was thick, filled with experiences and wisdom or… I was just a good…cough… LOL!

So, in the series, when Khun Nueng invited Folk to the amusement park, I couldn’t help but interject. Assuming Anueng would be bored with the adults infuriated me. I coughed and said, “Excuse me, but she’s an adult, too.” It’s unfair to assume that a 20-year-old wouldn’t enjoy the company of 36-year-olds. “What the fuck are you talking about,” I thought. That girl would have a blast with me. I’m sure she would have had an awesome time with Khun Nueng if she wasn’t falling for the Fah’s cruel antics to gain the love of her daughter after abandoning her most of her life.

Rant moment about Fah:

“Excuse me, I don’t care if you gave birth to Anueng. You're a dang stranger to her and you have to earn her love. At this rate, you’re just a child yourself, pretending to be a mother.” I’m not sorry for saying it, but Anueng deserves so much better. If Fah truly wanted to be a part of her daughter’s life, she would have defied her own mother and been there from the beginning. But she didn’t. She only showed up when Anueng turned 20, after all the difficult times were over, and suddenly wanted to play the mother role. Hell no. Even if there wasn’t a romantic involvement between Anueng and Khun Nueng, Khun Nueng acted more like a mother figure than both the biological mother and grandmother did. Family doesn’t have to be defined by blood relations. I can easily envision a scenario where a lonely artist adopts a mistreated, abandoned girl, and they become a genuine family. Then, the royal grandmother would throw a fit over Khun Nueng adopting a daughter. Oh my, that would just cause a stir.

But back to age insecurities.

Even to this day, as a 38-year-old, I still ride rollercoasters and explore various interests. It’s why young people are drawn to me everywhere I work and go. I have a wide range of interests that appeal to people of all ages. I can spend hours talking and listening to 19-year-olds and those in their twenties without any of us getting bored. It’s all about having charisma that goes beyond the norm.

Moreover, it was clear to anyone that Anueng truly desired to spend her birthday with Khun Nueng. However, following Fah’s orders, Khun Nueng attempted to distance herself from Anueng. This action deeply hurt Anueng, especially because she expected someone she loved to offer support and not to push her away. I couldn’t help but exclaim, “Oh, my gosh! It’s her birthday! Can you please respect that she’s an adult? It’s her special day, and she wants you to acknowledge that!”

In romantic relationships, simply being in the same space as the person you are interested in, even with no activities, is not boring at all. However, it is important to note that Khun Nueng has never experienced being in love or loving someone before, which justifies her ignorance in this matter. Nevertheless, I cannot stress enough that Anueng is not naïve. She can sense that Khun Nueng’s feelings for her run deeper than she lets on. This is why it was incredibly frustrating for her to get Khun Nueng to be open and honest about her emotions.

Eventually, in the end of episode 4, Khun Nueng reached a breaking point. She grabbed Anueng by the arm, preventing her from walking away, and expressed her desire for her to stay. Furthermore, in episode 5, she attempted to convince the family that Anueng wanted to remain in Thailand and even volunteered to help her study and prepare for the university entrance exam. Ultimately, her efforts succeeded.

Spoiler alert: Since I read the novel, I’m going to reveal the chaotic age insecurities Khun Nueng has. I don’t think they will use the scene in the series, but Anueng and Khun Nueng go on a run together. Khun Nueng basically can’t keep up with her and automatically goes into doom and gloom about getting older and not being able to physically keep up with Anueng’s stamina. I laughed so hard at that passage in the book that I cried because I couldn’t breathe from laughing so dang hard. I’m like, “Woman, how long has it been since you’ve done legit exercise such as running?” Because I know that being an artist, you are not active in heavier impact exercises. “Girl, please. At 36, I was running circles around ladies younger than me. I could sprint 3 miles and lift 50 to 75 pounds daily, like the bitch of steel.” I’ve met 40- and 50-year-old women that could break me in half. So, please… don’t feed me that bullshit. Age is not a factor in performance; it’s keeping up with activities and pushing your body to work that keeps you mobile and strong as fuck to take on a lady in her 20s with no issues. I’ve known 70-year-olds that can out-bench ladies younger than them. No one can use the excuse of age with me.

Now, I can see certain challenges that come with being in a romantic relationship with someone younger. One major factor is the ability to connect with them, considering the generational gap. Different time periods bring different mindsets. Khun Nueng, 36, probably grew up in a time when same-sex relationships were deemed unacceptable. I can relate to that. Being 38, I witnessed the tail end of a time when it was dangerous to be a lesbian. Nevertheless, I understand her concerns about being forgotten. In episode 6, she expressed her fear that Anueng will eventually make new friends, flirt with other people, and move on. But honestly, I can’t help but think and laugh. “Yeah, right! No one’s ever gonna leave you, let alone forget about you.” A woman like Khun Nueng leaves an indelible mark on your soul. Her eyes pierce through you like daggers, leaving you exposed. She’s fierce and full of spice. No one will forget Khun Nueng for generations to come. She’s absolutely crazy, in the best way possible.

Khun Nueng…Just openly love that girl already, and stop torturing yourself like a masochistic princess. We all know you’re head over heels for her. She’s an adult, so let go of your worries. Thank you.

[mmriesoftvat]

a note about my chongyun portrayal, that hasn't changed from his old blog:

my chongyun is an adult. blog canon, he is 20 years old. the REASONS i made him older are because if you count the events in game as canon (which i do because they're lore heavy), then the characters are having birthdays and growing older. if at base, chongyun started at 16/17, then he'd be solidly an adult at this point. plus, canon ages are never stated, and i don't like it's treated as canonical fact that he's minor coded, when to me he seems more autistic over anything.

I'm also going by his career. i know it's common where the children (klee, diona, for ex) run around on their own without adult supervision. but chongyun also has an established career and fame to him that requires him to be away from home for days at a time. he rarely talks about his parents. while by itself that isn't really proof enough, for me personally, it tells me that chongyun is old enough to be entrusted with this kind of dangerous job. hes actively walking into danger and having to make decisions to get himself out in one piece.

i also chose to disregard some of his more naive personality shown in the game. the game doesn't give him all that much to begin with, and even if you don't count the passage of multiple years, time still passes, chongyun would have his matras memorized more, and he'd be less naive to the pranks xingqiu pulls on him. i would rather write chongyun as more street smart and intelligent overall, which is why i gave him the personality he does.

as a result, an adult chongyun would pick up on more suggestive humor, play into it himself, and see people for who they are. he's not blind to the harsher side of the world, he's snarky and passive aggressive, and knows what's what.

i really do not like chongyun, at least my portrayal of him, being treated like a child. i am not asking for ships (yes i am), but i am asking for base respect in that chongyun isn't treated like his game counterpart and given the "little brother" treatment, at least not without discussing it with me first.

i put so much thought and care into a massively underrated 4* and i get unreasonably irritated when all my work is dismissed and disregarded. when i say i love chongyun and have studied him, I mean exactly that.

if you're willing to interact with my chongyun, and YOU SHOULD!!, then please do not jump to kiddy mode. he is not a child, i did not pick his age lightly. it came from years of writing him and finding exactly what works for me and what in-game needed to be fixed.

tl;dr: my portrayal of chongyun is 20 years old. if you treat him like a minor i am side eyeing you.

also ps: chongyun is nonbinary. he/they pronouns please. yes, both.

[sooahlizzy]

Being the new servant of the scarlet devil mansion

What would it be like to be part of the scarlet devil staff? be the servant of Remilia and Flandre? work with Sakuya and Meiling?

Meiling

To be honest, either you get along very well with her or she drives you crazy until you can't (like a certain maid)

Whatever the situation, this woman likes you

As a new servant of the mansion, the first few days she tried to surprise you by showing you her "good job as a gatekeeper"

But after 1 week she went back to doing the same thing she always does. sleep

Of course, if this happens you will always wake her up calmly

She really appreciates this, now she can wake up calm without fear of having a knife stuck in her forehead

Once you were talking about whether chinese tea was better than japanese tea, however, you did not realize that some "intruders" broke through the door and by the time you realized it was already too late

Consequence: a scolding from Sakuya

Whether you are doing your job well or decide to slack off, you will always have something to tell each other

Patchouli

You expected that she would not speak to you, and you were not so wrong, because for a while she did not speak to you

Until you entered the library

At that moment, you saw her reading some books, you had entered and she gave you a simple greeting

The books she was reading were in Esperanto so you didn't really understand much of what she was saying, however they seemed interesting, you asked her what they were about

Patiently, she'd tell you what those books were about, although to you she sounded natural, you noticed how her tone of voice was very low, and, in general, you had the impression that she seemed to be a very quiet person

Her mastery in the Wu Xung was something that caught your attention a lot in her

You asked her if she could use her fire ability to which she told you (for prevention) no

With the passage of time you understood why; her state of health was very poor, even some days you saw her very pale or coughing even when she didn't speak

That made you start giving her green leafy vegetables and other green, orange and yellow vegetables, and now the library is full of all of that

Every once in a while, you go to the bookstore to borrow a book from her (considering the true definition, not that of a certain blonde magician) or just hang out with her

Sakuya

If with Patchouli you thought you would never talk to her, with Sakuya you even thought that I would not even be able to be close to her physically

The head maid was known for being a very cold girl, concentrating a lot on her work, and being a very snobbish person in general

You had heard about her, generally mixed opinions, the "negative" ones from Meiling and other fairy servants and the positive ones, obviously, from her mistress

So the first time you met her, you didn't know how to act, technically she was your equal, however, she made you feel inferior just with her presence

Despite being the most servant servant, she did not treat you any differently, unlike Meiling, she simply gave you instructions as if you had been working for years

Seeing her work like that, you understood why Remilia assigned her as the head of the servants, she was the one who stood out the most in doing her job, in general, she was the one who took her job the most seriously

When you got to know her more and the first time you were able to interact outside of work, you realized that her "serious" personality was totally different

In fact, talking about what oxygen was or why a broken teapot didn't work was actually relaxing

From that moment you viewed her like this: Very disciplined in her work, but absurd for other things

You helped her with chores, because although at the time it seemed very rude of her, she was right; the servant fairies really helped very little. Although she told you that you don't have to do what she should do, she allows you to do it (unlike Meiling)

The times that she woke up Meiling by throwing knives at her has reduced thanks to you (and Meiling thanks you)

In her eyes, you're the only decent person in the mansion

Remilia

Your mistress, the youkai you worked for, your superior, she was someone you couldn't talk to informally

Although she tries to maintain the image of a mysterious and fearsome aristocratic vampire, her appearance and personality is very childish

With her reputation at Gensokyou, the first few days you tried to be as "perfect" as possible to make a good impression on her

And it must have worked, since every time she looked at you she just smiled giggly, approving your work

That was enough for you to secretly decrease in performance, but not to make it so obvious

The other residents of the mansion spend a lot of time catering to her whims, which include numerous parties, but you knew that inside she was dying of boredom

So, using the abilities of your spellcards, you entertained her for a while

It was funny to see how she pretended to be a very serious person, but in reality she was very silly

You did it, you had managed to become one of her favorite servants, not in performance or at the level of Sakuya, however, with a distinction among the other servants

And it was common for you to sit down to talk drinking tea served by Sakuya

Your relationship with her was quite curious. You felt like you were spending time with a little girl and at the same time a wise woman

Now you understood why Sakuya was so faithful to her

Flandre

It wasn't until several years working at the mansion that you had the chance to meet her

You had previously heard about her from Remilia and Meiling

Did the mistress have a little sister?

You didn't dare to ask the mistress, so you asked Sakuya, but she didn't answer you on that topic

So you made the decision to go to the basement to see for yourself if there really was someone in there

You hoped no one was around to do it, and you confirmed your suspicions

There was a little girl hugging a teddy bear

Seeing you, she got very excited, so much so that it caused the other residents to go see what was happening

At that moment you thought that your mistress would send you away, but she just sighed a little annoyed and told you who she was

That girl was so cute that you played with her, quite a lot

Thanks to you Flandre is not locked up for so long anymore, normally Remilia asks you to take care of her

Although sometimes she have to lock her up again because she tends to get too out of control

To Flandre, you are like her big sibling

[treepan0]

August lore dump because why not?

August is actually the most detailed of my ocs, starting off with my own surprise about an unpopular choice in the dragonball fandom. August has multiple different outcomes, mainly because of her complexity as a character. but for the most part her pre-series, classic, Z, super, and introduction lore is consistant. keep in mind she is a mutated Tuffle oc, with life as her main theme and that does affect her lore. under read more for obvious reasons.

~Pre series, introduction & classic

August doesn't remember much of life before the saiyan-tuffle war, as she was only five when it broke out. she and her mom stayed on the run for seven years, before she decided to face things head on, rather than running away. unfortunately during a fight a year later, her life would change forever.

this fight resulted in her mutation, and the first presumption of her death. the second would happen five years later, she was hit by a blast causing her ability to teleport her away, and stay in a dream like state for a long time. due to her ability however, the passage of time was like nothing to her.

I imagine her introduction a bit different then most; during one of Goku's dragon ball searches with Bulma is when they first meet, reasonably August is scared, and Goku is confused. August fearing for her life, attacks out of self defence, and is defeated pretty easily. however out of a desire to fight her again, she was spared leading to her genuine respect for Goku.

her arc in dragon ball would be about starting to move on from the past, and letting go of grudges against those who never deserved her wrath.

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~DBZ lore~

Z is where things interesthing; you know I mentioned she was hit by a blast? well it was a ki blast that went straight through her diaphragm, kick starting the first more interesting detail about her. August despite everything felt horror when learning of Raditz' death, because in a way she knew long ago that could have been her. while it doesn't destroy her relationship with Goku, it does change her views on him significantly.

leading up to Vegeta and Nappa's arrival, she would train as she believes the only way to maintain the life she worked for, is to fight for it. in the end however it didn't matter, as vegeta was strong enough to make her ability unable to protect her. so she's kind of stuck dead, until the end of the Frieza to be revived alongside everyone else.

the time spent between the Frieza and android sagas, is spent a bit more relaxed like everyone else, but she doesn't give up training. she never does really, since it's also one of her coping mechanisms, and Vegeta sure does upset her. Despite that fact, I can still see her baking cookies to help cheer everyone up. (she lets Bulma save some for Vegeta, but they never get eaten and just go stale due to his distrust.)

there isn't much special I could see for the android saga, she's really just another fighter there. In the Cell saga however I can see her body creating a poison for imperfect Cell in its compounds, since her ability is adapting for survival. This reasonably angers Cell, but it's not enough to kill him, just repel him like a mosquito.

in the Buu saga August still doesn't fully get along with Vegeta, but she puts it aside mainly for Trunks and Goten. She barely escapes being absorbed, but still ends up exploding with everyone else. afterwards I can see her baking treats, and sending them to Mr.Satan since it's already something she likes to do, and she now has someone to enjoy the baked goods so they never go to waste.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

~Super~

I'm doing super first since GT has branching timelines.

during battle of gods, I don't see many interactions except for one: remembering August bakes as a hobby, and is really good at it Vegeta tries to get her to help please Beerus. August is well aware that the GoD could kill her easily, but she sees a pretty obvious problem and asks him: "Bake? with what ingredients, tools and supplies?" Unfortunately Vegeta forgot you can't bake sweets from thin air. at least she tries to help settle Buu down when the two fight over the pudding cups.

resurrection F has very few special interactions, she does however promise to make Beerus some cookies as their first direct interaction. August follows through with her promise during a filler arc, and is simply a spectator in the 6 & 7 tournament.

I can see most of her super interactions being related to Baking, fighting, the reality of what she is and just generally being kind to Beerus and Whis, since most of super doesn't have many interactions that would need her less flattering side.

regardless her absence in the universe tournament is contributed by her mutated status, most of her abilities would disqualify her realistically in her eyes, so she decided better safe than sorry. thankfully this gave her the chance to realize just how much she despises Frieza, as he's deceptive and takes lives without a care.

outside of that I've only seen the anime and movies, due to a limited budget so the last additional detail notes will be simple. August would likely have a soft spot for Broly, just as I could see her having for Goku, Gohan, Goten and Trunks as it's mainly caused by her choice to be kind, and what remains of her instincts before her mutation.

and the only thing from the manga that I will bring up, is I can see her having a bit of an almost sisterly relationship with Granola, mainly due to what they have in common more than anything else.

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~Base GT/Canon compliant GT timeline~

August never leaves with Goku, Pan and Trunks in any of the GT timelines. She helps distract Baby, but that's about it. She's horrified and disgusted by his actions. how could another Tuffle do such a thing? she hates him so much, he's hurt her friends, and the children she promised to look after. if it wasn't for her fear of Vegeta, she would break his nose, and wipe that smug grin off his face.

in the end she dies alone much later, her body finally wearing down enough so she can rest in peace within the grass.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

~GT 'B' timeline~

Baby has defeated Goku, out of desperation she dashes into Baby. She hopes the result will take after her more, giving up both their existence in hopes to save everyone she ever loved. this is the timeline that resulted in my Xenoverse 1 character Auggy, who started off as a what if.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

~GT 'G' timeline~

Baby is redeemed, and August lets him bunk at her place. they still dislike each other at first, but due to having somewhat similar goals, and quite a bit in common they end up surprisingly close. admittedly however Baby had to take the first step, so I am not exaggerating when I say slow burn enemies to lovers timeline.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

~Legends~

due to the desperation the timeline tournament has brought her to, and the fact vegeta has pushed her away for many years, leaving her pretty much unable to team up with any of her friends, August ends up on a team with Cooler and Baby.

August is the mediator and medic. Cooler is the more strict of the three, the one who makes sure to enforce things, and is more of the leader if anything. Baby is definitely more childish compared to the other two, but his ability to hide in the shadows so well makes him a great scout and rogue, in combination with his abilities and skills he helps provide information so the three can form plans together.

no one ends up showing interest in each other, due to not spending nearly enough time to feel such feelings.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

~Xenoverse~

Outside of the GT Bad timeline another version of August is a Conton city resenant, who mainly ends up there due to being one of Auggy's components. this version of August feels the most content, since in Conton city she would have; a husband and two adopted kids (three if you count Auggy), what she wanted.

And yes those adopted kids are Kamin and Oren, because I couldn't unsee it with her personality.

[heartofhubris-a]

Hello, as you are the top Harding blog...any HC you'd like to share? No problem if not, but a "hardy" congratulations anyway 👏

Ahhh thank you!! I've got a couple small ones, but as always, these are my own personal HCs!

He's a closed toed crocs truther. Originally, Harding swore by clogs that most doctors used, but it only took one time in the foam for him to realize that he was wrong on insisting on just the wood ones. He likes them well enough, but the comfort made the last 30 minuets of the surgery (closing up) a breeze. Plus cleaning and care are much easier.

Sex positive ace. He's a sexual through and through and never through anything of it because he's biromantic.... if he was introduced throughly to those terms. But, he's got Mar, and he really doesn't care if people are sexually attractive, since he wouldn't go after them anyway.

Low support autistic - type a or autistic, idc. He's so strict on the rules, so through on his reads and memories, his routines. Harding excels in social situations, meaning he never cared to think if he was autistic or not. The way he was was idealized in his field and family, so he simply thought himself playing his role - quite happily at that

One day post s1, Harding says something untold to Sung infront of Fran and within 30 seconds she swooped him away and was just "Harding!! Why??" Leading to his confusion, dismissal of Fran, and moving on. Until he mentioned it to Martha and she kind of hesitated, Harding asked why. Martha was slow to say "You do say racist things, dear. I think you should take Fran up on the class." And he does and though he never apologized to Sung, he does end up treating Sung much more like he does in the book - with some respect.

The only way Harding asks for support is in the middle of the night when he can't sleep and he slides into his partners arm. In the daylight, the best he would do is a tight squeeze of hand, and his smile only slightly more genuine.

He started the embroidered lab coats. He was made fun of for 3 months for the idea. Patients loved them. Hardijg once again pointed out the sanitary cost and the customization costs being roughly equal anyway. The lab coat became a right of passage. (He still has his first attempts)

If Harding really likes someone, he won't bring them to the bar or get to know them. He won't have lunch/dinner. He won't go to a Cafe. If he really wants to offer his emotions to someone, if he wants to really invite them close, he brings them to a park. If they're distracted by the bird calls naturally, he invites them into birding. If he has to invite them and they're excited, they're instructed on good sites and books. If they're dismissive, Harding doesn't treat them negatively, but he's certainly judged them harsher l.

He will openly and willingly teach anyone anything they'd like to know - providing they show humility. If they refuse to relinquish their pride, he will ensure they are treated to the highest of his standards.

What's modern media? Aka Harding just. Doesn't care to watch TV and media; he will watch instructional videos and he is not illiterate on technology, but don't ask him to summarize the most recent (Harding checks notes.) Game of thrones? Wait that's been off air for how many years?

When Harding was a young man, he had a very close friend. They'd been friends for nearing a decade when Harding was told suddenly by his wife the unthinkable. Due to stress at work and his life, he had taken his own life. Harding couldn't attend the funeral, but he did send the widow enough money from his funds to pay for the funeral and her own life for the year after his pension ran dry. To this day, Martha and he travel to see her and their children every year in that very month, as well as both deciding to send gifts for his three sons, and Christmas cards.

Martha was infertile. Harding, for his own merit, didn't have good faith in his own ability. When Martha told him her state, he laughed on accident, before very quickly explaining why. She was extatic, but they refused to foster as his job was too severe, and her career was too important to her.

Harding (book moreso) doesn't particularly care for alcohol. TV Harding isn't a huge fan but he likes to relax due to the first shot or two, but doesn't like how he feels after that.

Medical Marijuana? He's fucking THERE FOR IT.

Speaking of: harm reduction entered his vocabulary once and never left. Harding never wants someone to turn to drugs to dealjust with life, but fuck. Harding is going to encourage every damn oppuritinty to get someone better. He will encourage you if you succeed, and be extremely firm, though not hurtful, if you fail. He'd be there to remind someone of sobriety.

"A couple small ones" I claimed.

I'm sooooo in love with him

[catwings-writes-things]

For the ao3 wrapped: 3, 6, 16, 29

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

Surprising no one, I'm gonna have to say A World of His Own. Before this year I'd never written anything (I do mean anything--no fanfic, original fiction, essays, nothing) longer than around 15,000 words. Now I have an in-progress fic with a single coherent storyline that's over 100,000 words long and nowhere near done. Some of the chapters are longer than 15,000 words. And not only that, but I'm really proud of the writing and the characterization. The Jailbreak Squad have taken over my brain and I have no objections whatsoever.

6. Favorite title you used?

De Humani Corporis Fabrica--Latin for "On the Fabric of the Human Body"--is the title of the best-known anatomy text by Andreas Vesalius, a Rennaissance anatomist and pioneer of human dissection, which at the time was considered taboo. As such, most anatomical knowledge came from dissections of animals, inspection of traumatic injuries, and conventional wisdom from earlier anatomists who had largely been working under the same restrictions. Vesalius was both sufficiently dedicated to his pursuit of accurate anatomical knowledge and sufficiently unbothered by other people's opinions as to cut bodies down from the gallows after public executions (sometimes having to fight stray dogs for them) and take them home to study, even allowing them to decompose in his living space to get at the bones once he'd learned all he could from the soft tissue. (He was also my first historical friend-crush, which probably tells you quite a bit about me, although perhaps not much to which my fic wouldn't tip you off.) De Humani Corporis Fabrica is his masterwork, illustrating what he'd learned with intricate drawings of bodies in various lifelike poses and states of dissection.

Needless to say, Andreas Vesalius was a Flesh avatar if ever there was one, not to mention probably autistic AF, and De Humani Corporis Fabrica seems as good a candidate as any for a Leitner. So when I set out to write a fic featuring late human-era Mike Crew nearly working himself to death in an extended burst of autistic hyperfocus and Angela the Flesh avatar trying to both help him deal with the immediate fallout and convince him that bodies have limits and he needs to treat his with more respect if it's going to last long enough to get him wherever he's going, using "De Humani Corporis Fabrica" as the title seemed pretty damn perfect.

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

Families of Choice, which is the canonical tag on AO3 for the concept I've mostly heard referred to as "found family." It's specifically tagged on three of the seven fics I've posted this year (that number is misleading, due to my aforementioned longfic), but it could or should have been tagged on six of them. ("Fix-It," "Temporary Character Death," "Complicated Relationships," and "Twisted and Fluffy Feelings" appear on two fics apiece, which probably also gives some relevant information. Especially that last one.)

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Honestly, I can't decide. I've been proud of so many things I've written this year that I really can't narrow it down--which is a good problem to have! If it helps, after I post chapter ten, I think I'm going to make a "pick your favorite bit of out-of-context A World of His Own dialog" poll--each option a line spoken by a different character.

Okay, never mind. I found a favorite. From Chapter 2 of A World of His Own:

“I can't... sit and watch television with you,” Helen finally said, almost a snap. “It won’t work.” She gestured at herself, head to feet. “This isn't even a real body. It's more of a... concept.” “Well,” said Harriet mildly. “Sit the concept of your butt down and let us introduce you to The Twilight Zone.”

Thank you so much for the ask, anonymous friend! I hope you have a great day!

[squirrelno2]

Jesse Lives AU, pt 3

In which Jesse deals with what he's learned and introductions are made.

Previous: 1, 2

Next: 4

Jesse wasn't sure how long he'd been here. Days were hard enough to gauge without a standardized timepiece when he was on a planet. Trying to guess how many standard days he'd been stranded when he was apparently on a moon might as well be impossible. Time went by in stretches of sleeping, careful nibbles at the rations he'd uncovered, and waiting out the pounding in his head.

The latter did not seem to change, no matter how he waited, but the only medics here were six feet under freezing ground. So he would simply have to keep waiting until it got better or it killed him.

Then the theelin showed up, wrapped up so thoroughly that Jesse could only see their eyes and the pale purple horns sticking out between their scarf and hat. Jesse didn't know what he wanted to accomplish, scaring the theelin away, but he knew he couldn't let some natborn pick at his vode's bones.

Then the theelin told him there was no Republic anymore, and Jesse's head had a new reason to pound.

He let the stranger explain to him how, after the Jedi betrayed the Republic, the Chancellor had taken ultimate control and declared it an Empire. Jesse didn't know much about political structures, but he didn't like the sound of that. The Republic had been about voting, and sharing ideas, and freedom. He remembered being five and asking questions about the people they fought for. Everything he'd been told convinced him the Republic was going to let him in too, someday. Just like they did all those planets that were trying to leave now.

Jesse had been sure he'd never leave. If he had a vote, he'd use it every day.

And now the Senate he'd placed his hopes on was nearly powerless.

"What about the army?" Jesse mumbled.

"I mean, it's not like millions of soldiers are going anywhere," the theelin said. "But I heard most of the clone troopers got recalled."

Jesse's stomach lurched.

It wasn't like Tup, he told himself. It wasn't like all the times the Kaminoans pulled someone out of training for study or maintenance work or something worse. It was just... Regrouping. And if Jesse went there he'd be folded back in easily.

The Empire thing, though... The Chancellor had declared Ahsoka an enemy of the state. And because of that order, Jesse had once again ended up aiming a blaster at a brother.

"Hey," said the theelin as Jesse's head started to pound. "You, uh, need to throw up or something? I can stand over here -"

"Don't move!" Jesse snapped. "And stop treating this like it's all a joke, I - I need to think."

"Well, while you're thinking, can I do my job?" the theelin said, throwing their pack back over their shoulders. "I've got a crew full of very tetchy individuals waiting for me who don't understand that getting paid in scavenged parts means sometimes things break, and I'd rather not get stuck here because I didn't get what they asked for."

"No!" Jesse snapped. "You're not digging through this ship like it's a junkyard!"

"It might as well be!" the theelin said, exasperated. "Look, everyone but you is in the ground. The only reason I'm here today is because we saw evidence of the crash, and because I needed to make good on a few promises. There is nothing here your people need, nothing they want, because they are dead. Do you want to die with them? Or do you want to help me pick up a few things and see if we can barter passage for two instead of one?"

There were a lot of people Jesse had hated for far deeper reasons: Krell. Maul. The Techno Union fucks who treated Echo like a toy.

But right now, he really just hated this scavenger for acting like his vode's deaths were just a footnote. Worse, he hated that they were right.

"Anything I tell you not to touch, you leave," Jesse said, finally holstering his blaster. "What are you looking for?"

"Ideally I'd be able to get to the engines," the theelin said. "If not, communications equipment or the armoury. These ships had hangars, right? With smaller ships on board? Do you know if any of those survived?"

Jesse forced away the memory of Ahsoka and Rex flying away without him.

"I don't," he said. "This wreck isn't exactly stable, you know."

"I've been at this a while," the theelin said. "Though you'll probably want a helmet. I don't think that head of yours can take any more beatings."

"You haven't got one."

The theelin snorted and unpinned their scarf. With a smile that reached higher on one side than the other, they took off their hat and flipped it to reveal it was a miner's helmet, covered in a layer of fabric.

"How about you?" they said. Jesse itched to point his blaster at them again, a little revenge for their smug tone. He glanced down the rows of graves, wondering if he should retrieve his helmet.

"I'm fine," Jesse said.

The theelin sighed and started to dig through their bag. To Jesse's surprise, a second later they tossed a second helmet at his chest. He stumbled catching it.

"Safety first," the theelin taunted. "Come on, clone."

"Don't call me that," Jesse snapped.

"Then tell me what to call you," the scavenger said, still mocking.

"My name is Jesse."

Something about the way he spat the words seemed to finally give this irreverent bastard pause. They looked him over, then nodded and held a rope out to him.

"I'm Jale."

"Like where you should be?" Jesse muttered.

Jale rolled their eyes.

"Never heard that one before."

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Foraging for mushroom roses and poppy mints in the Bellmark Thicket

The cool, crisp air of autumn is one of the little moments that makes me feel a bit more awake and energized. As I get older, I become more aware of the subtle changing of leaves from bright green to various warm shades of browns, oranges, reds, and yellows. Something about being more aware of the passage of time…I kinda have mixed feelings on that, but it is what it is. Time passes by, life goes on, and we get older - that’s just how it works.

Right now it’s mushroom rose and poppy mint season, two unique plants that are only found in two places in the world - Bellmark Thicket being one of them. It’s also a popular spot for camping and horseback riding, so it’s important to plan things out since it can get busy sometimes. The last thing I want to do while foraging is run into someone who’s camping or accidentally walk into someone’s path while they’re riding along the trail.

Aislinn’s making good on her promise to visit Steve and Elena more often, as well as Jamie and pretty much all her friends from the States she still keeps in contact with. Steve and Elena especially since they’ve been a huge help for her when she was dealing with her HIV diagnosis, from diagnosing it early and proving a lot of support when certain people in her life turned their back on her. It’s a shame that even now there’s still a stigma attached to HIV, usually out of ignorance.

Meiying, who’s also visiting, can sympathize with Aislinn on living with HIV and dealing with the stigma attached to it. Like Aislinn, she also contracted the virus through a blood transfusion when she was born. Except in Aislinn’s case, the virus lay dormant for years until a routine physical with Steve caught the early signs when it started to emerge. As for Meiying, she was lucky to be under Aiwen’s care when her birth mother was deemed to be unsuitable to be a caretaker.

Although she calls Aiwen her mother, she’s actually her great-aunt. As for her birth mother, Meiying refers to her as the woman who birthed her. Meiying said there isn’t much to know about her except that she made a bunch of poor decisions, like getting into drugs and working at a crack house so she could get her fix. After leaving Qiangshou, no one heard from her for years until Aiwen found out she was in a hospital in Sarinan, having just given birth to Meiying. There had been complications, which was why they gave her the blood transfusion.

Aiwen took them home, only for her niece to run off again. Then when Meiying was almost a year old, she became seriously ill with a cold that gradually worsened into pneumonia. Aiwen rightfully suspected that something was wrong, but she never expected it to be HIV. Around the same time, her niece was running around with untreated HIV and syphilis. Although Aiwen put her on aggressive treatment, she died a couple years later. And that’s the end of it.

To Aislinn and Meiying, it’s just something they have to learn to live with and be upfront about. They’ve had their fair share of people who immediately turned on them, treating them like they deserved to be locked up, or that it’s some divine punishment that they deserved. And although it’s never happened to them personally, they’ve heard stories where people have been criminalized for having HIV. It’s astounding how ignorance really fucks with their logic.

Meiying found it surprising that in a place like the Senlin Pavilion where it’s all political drama, no one, as far as she knows, has tried to use her HIV status against her. Sure, she’s had some who started treating her like she’s untouchable after she told them, but aside from some dirty looks, most people just accept it and get on with their day. The worst she experienced was when a couple elders demanded that she be kicked out of the pavilion after she got attacked on the streets while uncovering a conspiracy. The assailant slashed her leg and gave her a concussion, then flipped out when he found out that her blood, which he got all over his clothes, was “tainted”.

For the most part, they consider themselves lucky that they’re able to live relatively normal lives without dealing with serious complications, which shows how much has changed over the past few decades. Also, having a good support system really goes a long way, another reason why they consider themselves lucky. Sadly, not everyone can be so accepting, especially with something that’s still stigmatized like HIV.

While starting treatment and coming to terms with her diagnosis, Aislinn became close friends with Steve and Elena, the physician and nurse, respectively, who really helped her get back on her feet. She lived with Elena for a time and also bonded with Steve’s son Jim and niece Elly, both who are now residents at one of the local hospitals. So they’re all like a second family to her.

Along with foraging in the Bellmark Thicket, we’re also here for a retirement party for Elena. She’s been a nurse for 50 years - 30 of them with Steve - so she’s been a huge part of the community. A good number of her patients have been under her care since they were babies, and she’s like a mother to Jim, Elly, and Sandy, Steve’s daughter.

Although Elena works under Steve, he says she’s his mentor because he wouldn’t have gone into general practice and opened his own office if it wasn’t for her. Like with Aislinn, Elena stood by Steve when he was going through a rough time after his wife Jane died unexpectedly from complications while pregnant. He credits her for not letting him spiral from grief or use his work as a crutch by reminding her that he had to take care of his kids, especially when one’s a newborn fighting for his life.

In short, they’ve been through a lot together, not just through their work, but their personal lives as well. Elena’s had a fulfilling career, so she’s more than earned a peaceful retirement spoiling her grandkids and working on her garden.

So it was nice getting to know Steve and Elena’s families. Elena comes from a big family being the oldest of five - three sisters and one brother - and they’re all married with kids and grandkids. She has four kids and nine grandchildren, all who are very close to her. Then there’s Steve’s family - Sandy and her son, Jim, and Elly. All of them gathering together to wish Elena a happy retirement and thank her for being a pillar in their lives.

While everyone else had to go back home and to work, Jim and Elly are on break, so they’re spending it at home catching up with Aislinn. Elly is doing her residency in orthopedics while Jim is doing his residency in neurology. It’s hard work, but it’s worth it because they’re able to make a difference in these people’s lives, which is why they wanted to study medicine.

Elly revealed that being a doctor was more like her plan D in terms of what she wanted out of life. She’s gone through a lot of ups and downs growing up with parents who hated each other. Her father is Steve’s older half brother who’s been out of her life for years. Her parents never married but her mother used Elly as leverage to keep him around, which is not good. Then he had got another woman pregnant and used that as an excuse to leave, only to walk out on them too a couple years later.

Her mother became resentful and took her anger out on Elly to the point that she deliberately drove off a cliff in an “accident”. Like, holy shit, that’s so fucked up. Somehow, they both survived, but Elly needed multiple surgeries in order to be able to walk again, all the while her mother lamented that her daughter was a freak who will never get married. Apparently she was obsessed with getting her daughter married off, which, now looking back, Elly realized was really fucked up. She clashed with Steve and Elena a lot, probably because she’s not used to people fighting back when she bullies them.

Then she began accusing Elly of manipulating her uncle to get him on her side, and social services had to get involved when she prevented Elly from keeping up with her PT appointments. Finally, like her father, Elly’s mother up and left, disowning her daughter - and claiming she’s dead according to some rumors. It was no question when she decided to live with her uncle, who has always been more of a parent than her own.

Around the time her mother walked out on her, Elly was starting to look at colleges. She had been secretly working after school since she knew that she would have to pay for college on her own with no help from her mother. It wasn’t like they were struggling financially, her mother was just selfish. She was undecided on what she wanted to do, except that she didn’t want to keep working retail.

First, she studied business for two years, then she switched to education, and later radiology before finally settling on pre-med. She figured that if things didn’t work out there, then she’d try either communications or psychology. Sometimes you need to do a bit of everything in order to figure out what you want, and even if things don’t work out, I wouldn’t say it’s a waste, especially if you got something good out of those experiences like she did. Then she and Jim got accepted into the same med school, which was nice, so they had each other’s backs when things got stressful.

And after doing her internship with orthopedics, Elly said everything fell into place for her. Not only she liked the work, but also being there and remembering her own experiences as a patient helped her come to terms and learn to let go of her past. While a part of her wants her parents to suddenly pop back into her life so she can gloat in their faces, she’s more than happy to leave them be because whatever they’re doing right now has nothing to do with her and she wants it to stay that way. I’d say living a happy and fulfilling life without your abusers is one of the best forms of revenge.

As for Jim, he says his reasons for wanting to become a doctor is relatively straightforward. After all, his father’s a doctor, as was his mother, and Elena’s a nurse who was also like a mother to him since he never got to know his. Steve and Jane were barely out of high school when Sandy was born, and they were lucky to receive support from some family members so they could go to college. They both got into general medicine and wanted to open their own office, so Elena helped with that.

Then unexpectedly, Jane became pregnant with Jim, and everything seemed to be going well. She was young and healthy - there was no reason to suspect that anything could go wrong. But during her seventh month she suddenly started hemorrhaging, which then led to an emergency delivery where she died soon after. Jim spent the first couple months of his life in the NICU.

Like his sister, Jim watched his father work, and he got to know many of his patients. Some of the regulars, such as Aislinn, are now practically like family, even long after the doctor-patient relationship ended. It was actually Aislinn who inspired him to follow in his father’s footsteps to become a doctor after seeing how he and Elena helped her get her life back together after her fiance abandoned her. He said that if he could make as much of a difference in someone’s life like his father did for Aislinn, then he knows that he succeeded.

Just reaching your hand out to support someone can do wonders, more than you can expect to imagine. That’s why Steve and Elena are so well loved by the community - they do more than treat sickness, they also know how to reach out to someone who’s falling, to be there for them when they need it the most. And most importantly, they will not give up on you, even when others say it’s futile. Obviously, they can’t win all battles, but at least they can say that they didn’t try their hardest. It takes real strength and conviction to deliver promises like that.

Since Elly’s familiar with Bellmark, she served as our guide to picking mushroom roses and poppy mints. The good thing about mushroom roses, she says, is that they have a very distinctive look that can’t be easily mistaken for other species. Also, much to Meiying’s disappointment - and Hongxia’s relief - poisonous mushrooms aren’t really an issue here, so the chances of her running into one are basically none.

If Nabil was here, I’d imagine he’s immediately go off on a lengthy lecture about the dangers of messing around with poisonous mushrooms, which I think an apothecary like Meiying should be well aware of.I’m starting to understand why Hongxia warned us that Meiying can be like a mad scientist - emphasis on the word mad. I appreciate her dedication to her craft though - after all, one must understand poisons in order to make the most effective medicine, and the line between those two are often very fine. Trial and error’s risky since you can easily make a fatal mistake, but that’s never deterred Meiying from trying. At least years of experimenting has allowed her to build up an immunity to some poisons in the sense that she can tolerate high doses that would have already killed most people. But that doesn’t make her invincible, just maybe a bit overconfident.

And because things like open wounds are out of the question, Meiying’s only option for experimenting with poisons is ingesting them. With mushrooms and fungi in general, she also runs the risk of fucking up her immune system, so all the more reason why she really shouldn’t mess with that. I mean, in general she has to be careful since she has to take meds for her HIV, which have a lot of side effects, so the last thing she needs is a drug reaction. Like I said, I appreciate her dedication, and I trust she knows what she’s doing, but she really is taking a lot of chances with her health. Then again, she somehow built up a tolerance for certain poisons, so she’s clearly build differently despite her limitations on what she can do.

So, mushroom roses. Just as the name suggests, they’re mushrooms that kinda look like roses. Like, the tops are kinda shaped like rose petals, which I’m assuming is how they got their name. Also the color reminds me of a yarn colorway of the same name, a pretty purple mauve that leans neutral. Depending on the lighting, it can look either more pink, purple, or brownish. A very interesting looking mushroom indeed.

Mushroom roses are used in cooking, notably pasta and congee. They can also be fried, which I think is how I prefer to eat them, mainly because it takes away that mushroomy texture that I’m not a fan of. Though I find the congee to be good too since the mushrooms absorb the broth and the texture doesn’t bother me too much since it’s buried in rice.

As for poppy mints, they get their name because the flowers kinda look like poppies - if you squint, I guess - and the mint comes from their color - which I’m not too sure about either. I guess if you’re going for like that mint chocolate chip bright green, then yeah, I kinda see it. But actual mint? That shade of bright green that leans almost neon just doesn’t scream mint to me.

Poppy mints are used in black tea blends for its cinnamon and allspice like flavors with notes of peach and apple. That sounds really specific, but after trying the tea, I can see where they’re going. This type of drink will be perfect for the fall weather with its warm flavors. Something about autumn and warm spiced drinks is just a winning combo.

We spent pretty much the whole day up there, so we got a lot of herbs and mushrooms, all which will store well. Thanks to Elly, we got a quiet area away from campers, hikers, and riders, so we were able to forage to our heart’s content.

Read on AO3

[nowoyas]

FAQ and Rules

General rules:

I will likely never write kidfic, pregnancy fic, breeding kink, or anything related. Please do not suggest or tag me in posts surrounding these topics.

I will probably never write a dom!reader. Switch!readers will be considered under duress. I'm a full sub and, fundamentally, writing things that I personally want to read, so dominant readers do absolutely nothing for me.

I do not accept requests, but I DO accept suggestions. The key difference being, suggestions are just that: throw an idea at me and I'll see whether I can work with it or not. I may not be able to make anything out of it, but I'll definitely give it a shot and see if it's something I have any ideas for. This is bc forcing myself to do requests I'm not inspired for just turns out like... less-good stuff, lmao.

Generally, I am not opposed to darkfic if the right mood strikes and the premise seems interesting. I'm not as confident in treating darker topics, but I welcome the practice!

I will probably never write an explicitly unhappy ending or pure angst without any sort of following comfort. I'm just not really into them.

I block liberally. If you approach in bad faith, I will block you. There is no reason we cannot have a civil conversation on whatever you're mad about. You can cry "tone policing" all you want, but I don't have the time to deal with people who are approaching a disagreement to argue and get mad. Approach with the intent to come to a more complete understanding, or don't bother. (This includes assumptions of malice when it comes to ignorance. I have zero tolerance for assuming anyone's lack of knowledge is a moral failing and not simply an opportunity to learn.)

Do not censor words such as "rape" or "incest" or "pedophilia" in asks to me or while otherwise holding a conversation with me. Do not censor words such as "rape" or "incest" or "pedophilia" in asks to me or while otherwise holding a conversation with me. Do not censor words such as "rape" or "incest" or "pedophilia" in asks to me or while otherwise holding a conversation with me. This is not tiktok. It will never be tiktok. At the point that this website starts trying to be tiktok, I will stop using it. You are allowed to say fuck and pedophile and suicide and kill. If you personally are not comfortable using the word, then you are not able to have a conversation around the topic using the word. I will delete asks and ignore reblogs that contain any form of this sort of censorship. You are making it harder for people with triggers to avoid potentially triggering content.

Why are you opposed to DNIs/why don't you have a DNI?

Put simply, they don't do anything. The only people I particularly am against interacting with entirely are people who are going to be rude, aggressive, violate my clearly stated boundaries, or who interact in bad faith, and these people... aren't going to give a shit if I have a paragraph somewhere on my blog telling them I don't wanna talk to them. The other category of DNIs would be having something somewhere about minors not interacting, which, like, if they're mature enough to abide by the 18+ warnings they're probably fine anyway. I do not have the energy to set these types of boundaries and enforce them--I am disabled, I am mentally ill, and I am fucking tired. I use tumblr for fun. What's left of these two groups after the DNI are people who don't care about my boundaries and people who are lying, and in many cases, if both parties approach a thing in good faith, we CAN have a conversation about whatever it is we're disagreeing on and one (or both) of us can reach a more informed opinion. If we can't, if they're approaching in bad faith or it turns out they were pretending to be of legal age in order to talk to me about age-inappropriate topics, that's what blocking is for.

So you're okay with minors reading your smutfics?

Minors are going to read them anyways. Lying about your age on the internet is a rite of passage, and I am not under the illusion that sixteen year olds haven't heard of sex before coming across a fic I wrote. What I am not okay with is minors interacting directly with me in conversation about 18+ topics, because I am an adult. This will be enforced first by a "hey your bio says you're like 15 I'm not comfortable talking about smut with you" and then by a block. Choosing not to use a DNI isn't because I think kids should do whatever, it's a recognition that a DNI is the equivalent to a "no girls allowed" sign on the bedroom door and won't prevent anything except the people who are probably mature enough to be an exception anyway.

Did you know you follow someone who ships x/writes RPF/likes this fandom?

You and I have fundamentally incompatible approaches to the concept of free time. One day, we are all going to die. We're going to die messy and broken and marked with all the things we've done, good and bad. Do you realize how little time there is in a day? I sleep seven and a half hours, on average, a night, and work shifts that are usually about seven hours without any breaks. I spend half an hour on the road. Every day, I have three meals to prepare, eat, and clean up after, and I have a million hygiene tasks to take care of to keep my body clean and functioning. If I slack on cleaning my apartment for even a second, the roaches invade. I host or take part in 3-4 writing events a week and am working on writing an original novel in between prolific fic writing and all my other hobbies. I'm not going to waste the few minutes I have left in the day worrying about the guy writing incest shipfic about the Zoboomafoo brothers, or debating you about why I should. I have to use the time I have left to fulfill my soul before my body completely falls apart.

Okay but what if you follow someone that's racist/pedophilic/transphobic/etc.?

Sure, let me know, but I do need proof instead of an anon ask that just claims a random tumblr user hates minorities or is into kids. And no, liking a character from some piece of media, shipping characters who are 17, or aging up characters for smut (or even NOT aging them up) is not pedophilia. Show me proof that they are actually attracted to real children and not sets of lines that do not have ages and cannot experience harm, and I will take you seriously. If the subject you are telling me about is a minority in some way, you need twice the proof, and if they're queer, you need quadruple the proof and also to go read up on the history of the queer community, including the parts where queers are repeatedly accused of pedophilia or marked as dangerous to children as an excuse to legislate against and oppress us.

So are you proship?

I'm actually just tired. If you're asking whether or not I think certain topics should be disallowed from being the subject of art and whether or not those topics should be censored, the answer is that I'm not fucking Plato, so no, I don't think art needs to only portray that which is morally good and advances the goals of the state, nor do I trust any entity on the internet, especially on websites with a profit motive such as tumblr, to decide what constitutes morally good art.

[insert hot button queer discourse here]

Look, man, discourse has historically been used to divide the community. Save it for when we're not at risk of our sexualities being illegalized, and maybe then we can entertain the granularities of the situation. Everyone is queer, unless they aren't. No, I will not censor the word queer. I also won't censor "faggot" or "tranny". I didn't get my life threatened in a Zaxby's for you to tell me what words I can call myself or that I'm not really oppressed or whatever new discourse the feds have successfully implemented this year.

You're a bi lesbian and also a man? How does that work?

Back in the day, any woman who liked women was a lesbian, including bi women. I call myself a bi lesbian because my primary sexual attraction is focused on women. I am multiple genders in a way that is too complicated to explain. You're just going to have to meditate under a waterfall for a thousand years and achieve true mental transcendence, but if you're going under for dental surgery anytime soon, it can have the same effect.

I saw you talking about being Buddhist/Jewish/Shinto...

Yeah, cus I am! Maternal line Jewish, but raised Evangelical Christian (which I have since thoroughly disavowed because, like, come on man). I'm considering conversion someday, but don't currently live in an area with much of a Jewish community at all, so this isn't feasible for me and so I haven't yet put much thought into it. Most sects of Judaism do consider me Jewish as I have an unbroken maternal line, so conversion is for my own sake. I arrived, independently, at an explanation of my own beliefs that ended up being very similar to Shinto, so it's simpler for me to just say I'm Shinto than to list off a bunch of things that just so happen to be true of Shinto, and I practice Zen Buddhism as it's often intertwined with Shinto practices.

Ok but did you know about [whatever atrocity/zionism/state Shinto]

This is not an appropriate response to learning someone's religious beliefs, and in the vast majority of cases, I do, in fact, know more than you on the subject. For some reason, historically non-white religions tend to invite a lot of people who don't practice or have any firsthand knowledge of the religion to demand that every practitioner they meet come prepared with a Master's thesis denouncing atrocities committed under their religion's name. In the future, don't approach strangers to demand their stance on these things.

[chibisketches]

Adding my much more neutral story, to help reassure the youngins that while it absolutely *can* be a shit experience, getting your first periods doesn't necessarily end up being traumatic.

Mine showed up in my early teens after I'd fortunately already learned what periods were and what to expect, (despite a completely crap sex ed class). And those first few months of bleeding weren't all that bad. At first I barely had any cramps. I was mildly annoyed because pads were bulky and felt weird (eventually discovered the ultra-thin ones) but it was still just inconvenient rather than awful.

I admittedly went through a time in college where they started and stopped seemingly at random and the cramps got BAD, but I got on birth control that calmed that all down until my body stabilized itself and I stopped needing to medicate my periods into submission.

Nowadays my body kicks my ass roughly one day a month and then just mutters threateningly for the rest of my period week. It's still pretty inconvenient, but in my case, having a period was just a thing that came with hitting my teens. I was ready for it by then, and other than figuring out how to work sanitary products and avoid embarrassing leaks, it was never really a big deal in my life.

I suspect if I'd gotten it younger (like some of the folks above) that would've been a lot harder - especially if the adults around me were making a fuss about 'becoming a woman'. In my case, I didn't really feel like a kid anymore anyway by the time mine arrived, and my family mercifully didn't treat it as a rite of passage into some sacred state of womanhood. They must bought me pads and ibuprofen and that was it.

Anon feels like getting their first period was almost traumatic because of how deeply ashamed they felt about it, even though everything about it was normal and they knew it would happen.

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