#and it makes me really happy to see so many people interested in it!

[lebensmudewing]

This is worse

Trigger warning: birthing fetish

My birth video ended up on a fetish subreddit because of my husband

Throwaway. Although my husband will probably see this here anyway. Maybe this can be the conversation starter?? I don't know! I just need to get this out somewhere and have people validate that my feelings aren't crazy!

I'm sorry if this is all over the place. I am a mess.

My (F33) husband (M36) is the most wonderful and caring person I've ever met in my life. I thought. Almost overbearingly sweet. He's always concerned with how I'm doing, how I'm feeling, how is my mental health. He's an excellent father to our two children as well.

I had a difficult birth with my first child. My hospital experience was bad. I felt traumatized afterwards. When I got pregnant with my second, I knew that, barring any issues, I wanted a homebirth. My husband was all for it. He's a nurse, so I felt doubly safe with him plus my midwife to support me.

The midwife filmed and we also had a professional photographer taking pictures. Everything went great. It was so emotional and beautiful. I'm trying not to give too many details away since it's apparently available to ANYONE for their viewing pleasure right now.

I have been pretty possessive of that birth tape. I never uploaded it anywhere. After I downloaded it onto my computer from our camera's sim card, I uploaded it to a USB, deleted it off my computer, and I keep it in a little "hope chest" to watch when I'm feeling sentimental. It is so beautiful and important to me, and I wasn't interested in sharing it. I have several friends who put their whole birth on YouTube, but I wasn't interested in doing that. My birth didn't need to be shared with the world. It didn't need to be a teaching moment. It didn't need to exist to make others feel better. After my traumatic first birth, it was mine and i cherished it.

My husband didn't feel the same way and sometimes had light arguments with me about it. He was never pushy, but several times, when I would watch it, he would comment "this is such an excellent birth video! You are so happy and calm! I really think you should post this. Homebirths get such a bad rep and this could put so many women at ease." I would tell him absolutely not. This is private. Stop pestering me about it. Its my body. He eventually dropped it and hasn't brought it up since.

My husband and I have never been controlling. We don't have the passwords to each other's phones. I've never felt the need to check each other's phones or computers. I trust him implicitly. Well. I did anyway. I know he has a reddit. We both reddit pretty often. But i don't know his profile or what he does on here. Idk I've just never thought about it.

A few days ago, I was in one of my parenting subreddits and came across a disturbing thread about birth videos getting posted nonconsenually in a birth fetish subreddit. I thought to myself, that is exactly the reason I didn't want to post my birth video. The commenter posted the link to the fetish sub and I'll admit curiosity got the better of me and I went to look. I wanted to know if any of my friends videos wound up there so that I could tell them.

Well their videos DID wind up there. Every single one. The sub has several vast g drives linked to birth videos. But then I saw it. MY FUCKING BIRTH VIDEO. It looked like it had been a YouTube video at one point?? Idk I don't understand how this works. I cant find it on youtube anywhere, so idk. I'm so fucking ashamed and horrified. There is a closeup of...well EVERYTHING down there in a fucking fetish site. My baby taking his first breaths. Me breastfeeding. It doesn't even cut off after the birth. It shows my baby getting weighed, and just...held. If this is a birth fetish sub, why does it feature so much of just...my CHILD. This seems like waaayyyy more than just a birth fetish thing. Idek how to report the video.I reported the post and reddit says it doesn't violate anything.

I am bawling as I type this. Like wtf. Only ONE person knows where that tape is: my fucking husband. I don't even know how to broach this subject with him.

"Hey did you fucking violate my privacy and post OUR BABY'S BIRTH ONLINE, or did you submit it straight to a fetish site, because that's where it is right now."

I don't know what to do. I can't believe I even have to have this discussion. Wtf even if he didn't submit that video straight to the fetish site, he uploaded it somewhere else where they found it, and now his actions have led to THIS situation. He exposed ME to perverts online. He exposed our newborn infant to perverts online!!!

Our marriage will NOT survive this and I am a wreck. I should have known he had SICK intentions when he was being so weird about wanting me to post this. WHY? WHY WOULD HE DO THIS?? I'm not even that angry about those sickos seeing me, but every time I think of my sweet little baby's face in there...I feel like I'm going to throw up. Surely this is illegal?? Surely newborn babies can't be featured in content that people are...sexualizing!!! Can they?? I'm also just....absolutely gutted by the fact that so many other women have had this special moment bastardized by that sub. How many of them are in my shoes? Or my friends shoes. I'm horrified. Do I press charges against my husband?? I can't believe this is how my family is going to end. What will I even tell people. What will I tell my kids!!? Idek what to do!!

TLDR: Husband posted birth video online and it wound up on a fetish site. I don't know what to do.

Update: just a quick update. I left and took the kids to my mom's house. Idk how long we'll be here. I didn't tell my husband anything. I just wanted to get the kids the fuck away from him. Even if he didn't share that video directly with those creeps, I don't want him around them.

TLDR: Husband posted birth video online and it wound up on a fetish site. I don't know what to do.

Update to: birth video in a fetish subreddit

I just...need to vent I guess. This isn't a happy update.

As I mentioned in my last post, I went over to my mom's house. She was bewildered about why I was there. I couldn't fess up to the reason why I was so upset. I am still so embarrassed. I didn't want her to go looking for the damn video either. Thinking of my mom searching around a porn sub to find my BIRTH VIDEO made my skin crawl. I was hysterical. Still am. I couldn't really hide that. I just told her something bad had happened and we needed to stay for awhile. I'm going to have to tell her, but every time I think about doing it, I just start crying more. The situation is even more complicated now, so I'm just scared people will be mad at me for doing what I'm doing, even my own mom.

My husband called and texted over and over for hours. We haven't spent a night apart in years. I gave him no warning. I texted him once and said we were visiting my mom and would be back later, but that I needed a break. I was worried he'd call the police, but he didn't. He continued to text sporadically, pleading with me to talk with him about what was wrong.

I went back over to our house the next day around the time I figured he'd be off work. I took one of my mom's old phones and used it to record our whole interaction. Turns out he'd called out of work he was so distressed. He ran up to me and immediately started asking what was wrong, asking where the kids were etc. He was SO understandably upset. Seeing him like that just made me start crying too. When I started crying, he started crying. He tried to hug me and I stepped away which just made him more upset. It was such a mess. I was finally able to compose myself enough to ask him to watch a video on my phone. He was confused. More so when he realized it was my birth video. A few minutes in, he interrupted to ask why I was showing him. I ended the video, and a hundred other birth videos in the g file folder appeared. He still just looked confused. I exited the folder and pointed to the name of the sub I was in. He took my phone for a better look and I just started  bawling and bawling. After a few minutes, he started raging about how we needed to mass report the post and call the FBI and blah blah blah. He kept repeating "we'll fix this. Holy fuck. This is so sick." I tried to get his attention by asking "how did they get that video?" But he just kept pacing around ranting. I just started repeating over and over "how did they get it!?" Until I was screaming at the top of my lungs. He eventually stopped and just stared at me. Neither of us said anything for a long time.

He started crying and told me that he had started a "Daddy Blog" a year after our first was born. He posted about being a dad and eventually about his experience with my second pregnancy. He had posted the video on youtube to link to his blog. He felt like there wasnt enough resources out there for dads regarding pregnancy. He didn't know I didn't want it posted until a week or two after baby was here and I was so vehement about not posting it and getting it tucked securely away on a usb. It was up for about TEN fucking months before he finally took it down. He was waiting to see if I changed my mind, and was reluctant to remove it because he'd received so many messages from thankful dads about how educational and helpful his blog/vlogging was. I had 0 knowledge about this blog. I didnt even know people blogged anymore?? We had both expressed many times how we didn't want to create a massive digital footprint for our children because of SITUATIONS JUST LIKE FUCKING THIS, so I this is such a fucking weird surprise. There's hundreds of pictures of our family on this thing.

Anyway, we got into a huge argument about how this was a breech of trust and privacy. He maintained that he thought my reaction about not wanting the video posted was over the top, and how I never told him I didn't want to share it, how he didn't even think of it as a big deal because he deals with that kind of thing every day so it was just not a big deal to him and blah blah blah. His excuses were stupid and I don't care. My birth wound up on a fetish subreddit because of him and we are getting a divorce.

When I told him it was over, we had another big screaming match. He went through several different emotions. Crying, wailing, begging, and finally anger. I hadn't said ANYTHING about custody arrangements, or my plans besides divorce, but he started threatening full custody and how he was going to put up a huge fight, how it would just be "he said/she said," how he has the better job, etc. Whatever. I didn't tell him I recorded anything (legal in our state). I eventually just walked out.

So yeah. That's where I'm at today. I need to consult with a lawyer about what comes next. I am moving as quickly as I possibly can. Sitting down to write this update was probably a stupid move, but I received SO many heartfelt messages from people concerned for me that it felt necessary. I honestly just...needed to vent and have people tell me I'm not crazy or awful for doing what I'm doing. I told a few friends, and they all just seem...weird. They're concerned about the videos I found in the fetish group, but nobody has reassured me that I'm making the right moves in regards to the situation.

I am in an incredibly bad place right now. I'm worried I'm making the wrong decision. Do i let him see the kids?? I don't know what to tell my family. I don't know if i need to contact the police. I don't know if i want to. The most stupid part of me wishes I could call my best friend and talk to him about it, but uh...yeah I'm divorcing him. What a stupid feeling to miss him so badly and knowing that I will never be with him again. I just keep thinking that I'm doing something stupid, and i feel like so many people will see it that way.

On top of everything, my birth video is just...in a fucking fetish sub. Every time I think about that, I get choked up. I've reported it a million times in just the few days since I posted. I've made alts to try and report. I've had friends report. My other friends,with their birth videos ALSO posted non-consenually in there, have tried reporting. It doesn't matter. I sent the link to the FBI. It doesn't even really matter anyway. They're g drives. If the post got removed, if the whole sub was removed, my video is still in the possession of some sicko using it for fap material. My baby's sweet little face in there...I am sick. I am defeated.

They have a post up in the sub about how their previous group was removed because of pedophile content. No shit. No fucking shit. Your fetish inherently involves children. They ask that "karens" please leave them alone now. They acknowledge that pedophiles lurk in their sub, yet continue to steal content with children in it for sexual purposes. I do not understand how something like this is legal. I don't know how many other dark places on the internet my video has ended up.

The most special moment of my life is now just this fucking smear of shit all because I decided to try and capture it for memory's  sake. Something that was supposed to bring me unending joy, now leaves me weeping. I keep looking at my sweet toddler and just...breaking down. He didn't deserve this. I wish I could go back and never have recorded that video. I took my USB and fucking smashed it into a million pieces just to feel like I did something. I am tired.

There's not going to be another update for awhile. I am in a very dark place.

Link

he needs to die

[weirdmageddon]

the original post i want everyone to see is way out of my hands now, so i’ll repost this again here as new but separate post. it touches on things i want to go into more depth about.

@wasabikitcat gets this idea. this reply—thank you so much for not just understanding what i was going for, but putting my exact thoughts into cleaner words on the bad reading comprehension site.

i can't believe how misunderstood my point was about “spirituality” (i didn’t know it was that much of a loaded phrase!), but thank you for putting what i meant into more nuanced terms.

it's something that can be hard for me to put into words, and maybe i gave people the wrong impression by using the word "spirituality", since words mean different things to different people. i just haven't seen people discussing it so i wasn't sure how to really put it. but regardless of terminology, this reply is exactly what i'm getting at. and this is coming from someone who has a very scientific mind. i wouldnt even consider myself a traditionally “spiritual” person in the normal connotation of the word.

edit: this one as well!

i see this as a cultural/political factor that we shouldn’t ignore, because this sense of meaning has driven people's motivations since the beginning of human civilization.

there's a primal aspect that hasn't really left us but there seems to be no room for it in our modern culture because half of these “guides” seem to be driven by “i cant wait for civilization to collapse so MY ideology can rise from the ashes" and the other half of it seems to be driven by greed. and often they are hand in hand.

i would really like to see actual enlightening ideas stemming from buddhist thought, analytical psychology, collective unconscious, and archetypes to take off in the public consciousness. (completely divorced from jordan peterson. just the original jungian stuff)

i am especially supportive towards getting people interested in carl jung's works. his idea was to get people to understand, "what myth am i living?" based on the same archetypes and symbols that recur time and time again throughout human history that we can all collectively recognize regardless of culture. so it's a sense of meaning based in the self. i don't want people being sent down reactionary paths when looking for meaning in their lives.

i think it would benefit people to who feel lost especially in uncertain/unprecedented times like, with those “there's got to be more to this, something deeper,” insinct. i see that people are looking for this but get taken advantage of or manipulated.

but on this deeper sense of meaning in life thing, the Left isn't doing a great job at providing an option for “lost” people looking for meaning that the Right seems to be having no trouble with. i wonder if this is why we've seen so many of these lost young men flock to reactionary commentators?

this reminds me of an excellent point contrapoints made in her video about jordan peterson, saying,

“The last thing I like is that you talk about deep shit. I was watching a video where you and a couple of zany goons were talking about Plato and Aristotle and the meaning of life. And I thought, ‘Huh… on the Left, we don’t really talk about that kind of thing. All we talk about is how society oppresses people.’ And that might not be enough. Because people need to have a positive purpose in life. I mean, personally, I don’t give a shit. I’m pretty happy to sit here watching the same three seasons of Strangers with Candy until I die. But other people, like Dostoevsky, Camus, other white guys who talk about lobsters…they have this need to have purpose in the face of suffering, and like, not just complain about patriarchy. I guess it’s easier to not complain about patriarchy when patriarchy isn’t the thing that’s making you suffer. But I do think that an education that only teaches people about oppression is inadequate. We spend four years teaching undergraduates why capitalism is bad, and then we say, ‘Well, you’re educated now. Good luck getting a job under capitalism, bye!’ …And that really kind of sucks! But you know, I think that’s a point that can probably be made without comparing transgender activism to Stalin.”

speaking of her, this is a related post i wrote earlier on young men being radicalized and how to approach communication

and by the way, if you are interested in learning jungian psychology and want to see what it’s about, here are some resources to get you started:

i think the jung subreddit has a great collection of resources on its about page.

i highly recommend Demystifying Jungian Psychology to start. it’s meant for beginners. it is available in english and spanish. you can currently find the book in the comments section here. since sometimes these links lead to a 404, i don’t want to link directly to the google drive page. i want you to have a link to the original thread in case it gets broken.

[userautumn]

You are always 100% right and valid btw. Because like buck and Tommy are broken up, but you also have several interviews released today where Ryan calls Buck and Eddie “brothers” and where Oliver explicitly says Eddie is straight so they will most likely continue to be just friends. So if it wasn’t for Buddie, what was the point in throwing away a relationship the audience was actually behind??

Yeah, this has always been my problem with the idea of Buck and Tommy breaking up and, now that it's happened, I can finally unload all my thoughts.

Listen, my Buddie mutuals are very assured that Buck and Eddie will get together and have this lush and beautiful arc where they settle into a relationship and feel out the kinks in their dynamic and really blend together, and I respect that. I would love to see that happen. But I don't have that same confidence. Don't get me wrong, I DO think Buck and Eddie will probably get together, I just don't think it's going to happen until the last episode of the last season in a way that's more reminiscent of Johnlock "canon" (for those who did not watch BBC Sherlock: John and Sherlock continued to live together and raise John's daughter, but this was revealed in a montage without ever actually seeing them get together, or confirm that they were in a romantic relationship) than anything.

Why? Well, because it's easier to tease your audience than it is to follow through.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think Tim is teasing the fandom in a malicious way, and—if nothing else—I know he is very aware of what these boys and the implication of their relationship means to people. 9-1-1 has always handled their relationship with a particular gravitas, and I don't see that changing now. But Tim has been writing Buck and Eddie for years. He knows what gets people going, he knows what this fandom likes to see, and what they'll read into. So why would he rush into making them "endgame," especially if he knows he already wants to take them in that direction? He has no incentive to make it happen Right Now because everyone will lap up what he puts out anyway.

And I get it, because I do love Buck and Eddie's relationship. I love the way they interact with each other and, yes, I will lap up any scene between them. But that's the part I find so draining too. I'm going to be honest, I've never liked a "will-they-won't-they" couple. As a personal preference, I've always liked to have a clear vision of a story's trajectory when I go into it. That's how I write, and that's what I gravitate toward in fiction. So the idea of going through any number of love interests until Buck and Eddie are "ready for each other" (so sick of that phrase. sob.) is literally... exhausting to me, and not in a fun way. Because this is a loop that could theoretically continue on, and on, and on, until whenever the powers that be decide enough is enough.

Sure, Eddie is happy and free now. Great. But he still doesn't know he's Queer. What happens when he does realize that? Does he need to date a guy first in order to be "ready" for Buck? Similarly (because their romantic arcs always run parallel to each other), when Buck fucks and sucks his way through Los Angeles, does he stumble upon a hot girl/guy and date her/him until Eddie's "ready" for him? How many times, exactly, am I going to sit through another love interest until they're on the same page after, by my count, three false starts? You know?

I'm obviously along for the ride. Always have been, always will be, and I fought too hard over the summer to maintain my love for these boys and their relationship to let it waste away now. But I desperately, desperately need Tim to give me something substantial that CLEARLY, and EXPLICITLY indicates IMMEDIATE strides toward ROMANTIC Buddie Canon. And I mean crystal clear. Not "building a thousand words of meta off a single line/moment" clear. Not "this look probably definitely means Eddie was thinking about ripping Buck's clothes off" clear. I mean, I want it so damn clear, a sixty-five year old grandpa with cataracts can see it.

Otherwise I'm just going to get really annoyed.

[bisnes-socks]

stephanie

hehehe i loved this song so much i'm so happy. i was worried going in, because the mixing kinda killed bluza for me, but this one was mixed to perfectiooooon mwah.

first of all, hello brit rock, hello alex turner vocals, hello nostalgia!

the song beginning with the drum beat had me paying attention to that, and it's a really cool, innovative base for this sound! i love how decorated the percussions are, so many little details, pings and pangs building the drum part and making it interesting. and that they're not afraid to add effects to the drums! the little 80's vibe frum fill right before "and then a lightning strike just fills the place" is so fun. once again hats off to jure on this one, i talked about him a lot in my first šta bih ja analysis and he's truly an excellent drummer in my opinion.

this song has such an interesting structure me. i love that it doesn't have a super obvious verse chorus verse chorus structure. the way the song is built feels very much like a storytelling vibe to me. and i love love love LOVE how at the very end, the music/melody and the vocals go like out of sync. the syncopated vocals are so delicious so interesting and super skilled songwriting. the musical details in this are so cool and there are so many, i have to keep listening to find them all. (i'm writing this in a hurry just to get my initial thoughts down, might do a deep dive into the musical aspects later.)

now i know i made fun of bojan earlier today and that was a joke, because i do have serious thoughts about the lyrics as well.

i think this song is basically about how he romanticises people, places and things. i think he knows that, and i think maybe, since this was originally meant to be a happy song, maybe it was originally meant to celebrate the fact that he sees so much good in people, that he finds people so fascinating and how much he loves making connections. but maybe on the day he wrote the lyrics, being such a... well, puppy of a person (and i genuenly say that with nothing but love, because it's an admirable quality) felt heavy. it's draining, to feel so intensly so easily.

i don't think the lines at the end, about love and happiness not being meant for people like him, are meant to be taken 100% seriously - or at least i think they are meant to be taken in the context of a specific moment and a specific feeling. i think the song very much recognises love is everywhere in his life, but feeling the spark of a specific type of love, only to have it die before you even get to explore what it could mean, is a moment of angst, and the lyrics rise from that moment.

i think everything about this song feels like a moment in time, a moment in the past. the sound is so nostalgic, i think on purpose, the lyrics are in past tense, the voice is edited in a way that makes it sound like it was recorded on an older system or through a phone or something, just the whole package, it gives this vibe of him remembering stephanie, and even though he's moved on, it's a moment of remembering the past and recognising that moment as something substantial. this just has that vibe of a song "about the one that got away" and it's gone now, but it's okay to feel a bit angsty about it on a friday night alone in your bed.

but things in the music, like a lot of the synth details, bring this playful, optimistic and positive sound into the song. and that gives me the sense that he's over it, she's a beautiful memory, and yeah sometimes he's bitter about it a little bit, angsty about it. but she's a story now. a beautiful story that means something to him, but just a story after all. i don't see it as a sad story, i see it as a story of myriad emotions. it's very much.. life.

bonus: i'm so sorry i know it's a heartfelt song and like i said i genuenly love it!! but i cannot help that it reminds me of carol brown by flight of the conchords

[casurlaub]

There's no way of knowing for sure but I think it's an interesting question to discuss...

I assume that you'd need to recognize your fear on some level for the Boggart to represent it... We see a lot of pretty 'childish' (not meaning this in a condescending way) fears displayed in PoA when they have that Boggart lesson... Not so many dead bodies or even abstract fears (like being lonely), as you would expect from adults. And it all makes sense because they are children but you simply can not tell me that Hermione's greatest fear really was McGonagall telling her she'd failed all her classes. Of course fear of failure is a valid fear (all fears are valid?) and believe me, I can relate, but with everything they had gone through already? Also... Remus asking them to take a moment to consider their greatest fears implies to me it's something you're aware of on some level.

So... What is/was Remus aware of?

The moon obviously is a very obvious choice - from a young age on its there, it's visible, it's easy to blame for him reliving excruciating pain and fear (and lose of self-control) every month.

And when we see him facing his Boggart, it's indeed the moon. Not being shunned by other wizards, not side-effects of lycanthrooy but the moon. Of course it's a symbol for his lycanthropy but as it's the full moon it's obviously linked to the transformation into a werewolf. That's what he is most afraid of. But which part? The pain? The lose of self-control? Reliving trauma? All of it?

It's interesting to note that the moon is Remus' Boggart even in a time in which he had access to Wolfsbane (PoA) which means in a time in which he did not experience lose of control (of course it's a possibility that by then it's been ingrained into his mind so there was no simple 'rebooting' it). So maybe it's not the self-control thing? And if it's not and the pain has always been there, does that mean it's always been the moon?

I don't know if it's as easy as that... Because in PoA Remus misses classes for days because of the moon, Wolfsbane and all. We don't know for sure how it has been when he went to school but I personally don't think he was out for that long. Because I can not imagine that no one except for Snape picked up on his absence if he missed days and days every (other) month. But also because of Sirius' (insensitive) 'wish it was full moon' comment. Yes, Sirius can be cruel but I can not imagine him making such a comment if Remus spent a considerable amount in the hospital wing every month. No, we're led to believe the full moons were fun, adventures. Remus tells us so himself and calls them the best times of his life? Now he is obviously lying a bit (because the transformations were still painful even though he now had company and didn't hurt himself anymore and I do believe he was playing it down out of gratitude and guilt towards his friends.. along the lines of 'they already became animagi for me, don't complain about feeling sick now') but isn't there a bit of truth in there still?

So the full moons obviously were still painful but he has company, roamed the grounds with his friends and didn't need as long to bounce back? Is that enough to assume the moon wasn't his Boggart at least through a few 'happy' years?

I honestly don't know. I can see him having a different Boggart in that short period of time between them becoming animagi and the war picking up... I can see it being something about abandonment (which is also the reason he did never say something about them bullying Snape?). And I think it's safe to assume he was aware of that fear (the Snape thing, him looking grateful in that photo on Sirius' walls, his behaviour as an adult even when he continues to defend them..) But I don't know if it's about losing people in the sense of them dying...

His Boggart is still the moon in OotP when he yet again had someone to lose (if not Harry then Sirius - old friends and all..). But maybe by OotP he has realised that he could survive on his own, that, while it wasn't pleasant, he didn't need his friends.

I can also see his Boggart changing after Teddy was born (or, before Teddy was born that he had infected Teddy with lycanthrooy - actually I think that Boggart is very likely), but that is also just speculation.

Long story short: I don't know but I find it interesting to explore and I think there's enough ground to argue in different directions. But I do think as a teenager/young adult it's less about losing his loved ones than his own deep-rooted abandonment fear (being worthless...)

Was Remus' boggart always the moon, or did it only become that when he no longer had to fear losing everyone he loved?

[acourtofthought]

The ridiculousness of the new Lucien week has gotten me heated so here's another anti e/riel post.

Based on e/riel logic, the LoA must really love Beron because he in canon is her current choice therefore we need to respect her choices and continue hoping for a Beron and LoA endgame.

Their logic is that it doesn't matter that we can see he's wrong for her, that maybe she doesn't truly want him but feels she should stay. All that matters is it's her choice.

Most all in the fandom realize there's probably many layers behind the why of the LoA staying with Beron. We all realize it's probably not what makes her happy but staying is something she's trying to convince herself of as being necessary.

But when it comes to Elain, apparently her character is not capable of deeper emotions for some.

However Elucien's and Gwynriels, just like we see in the LoA's situation with Beron and Helion, understand the nuance for the e/riel setup and Elain's current behavior towards Lucien. That Elain's actions most likely do not reflect her real feelings, that she's behaving in a way that's not true to her heart but in a way that she is trying to convince herself she's fine with because she's still battling her own demons but isn't completely ready to tackle them head on.

Just like we have hope that the LoA will break free of Beron despite her current choice to stay, to maybe end up with Helion despite what appears to be a current lack of interest on her part, we too hope that Elain can break free of the things that are holding her back, of the people who are holding her back, and can find love with the one person who Fate had always known was her perfect match, who has always had her best interests at heart. Who the author made her perfect match and has spoken about them as a couple.

It's weird how Helion barely looked at the LoA during the HLs meeting, how he chose to sleep with Mor while the LoA was under the same roof as him and still the fandom collectively agrees there's a story to be had for the LoA and Helion, that he still has feelings for her yet it's somehow an impossibility for an Elucien endgame.

[zu-is-here]

Hi! I'm a healing antishipper, as of somewhat recently. I always hated the idea of it. I found your blog a while back and thought your UTMV art was incredible. I remember you posting some Dreammare, which made me pause. I found myself thinking it was cute, and my inner self was like 'shouldn't this feel weird?' but it never really did. I went to other blogs and specifically searched up proshipping and Dreammare to see their stance on things, and to my surprise, I found more proshippers, as well as people who were more in the middle. But most people I followed were antis. I explored the topic more and have thought long and hard about it before. As of now, I'm not really a proshipper, but I do enjoy Dreammare, drawing, writing, and reading about it, but I keep them all private. I don't hate proshippers at all, and if tags or topics make me uncomfortable, I just block them. It's scary being in this grey area though, because many of my favourite artists and friends are antis, hence why I'm doing this anonymously so that my mutuals and people I follow don't think I'm gross. I just wish people would let people ship what they ship because fiction≠reality. It saddens me that people dehumanize and bully people who are proshippers and it makes me scared about enjoying Dreammare. But I just wanted to say I'm grateful for your blog, because you have no judgement in ships and I feel safe here. You're doing great work Zu, I'm so happy I found you!

Hii!╰(*´︶`*)╯

Thank you so much for waiting, and for your kindest words too (〃ω〃) I'm so happy that you've found not only a safe place for yourself, but also yourself ♡

I know how hard it is to remain “good” for others — and true to your own interests. You're already doing the right thing by respecting others' choice and taking care of your own media experience (⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃

Trust me, you're not disgusting for what you love. I do hope more people will understand this simple truth, and I'm looking forward to seeing your beautiful works one day (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵) Keep it up! ☆

[dazzle02]

I don't believe they'll make buddie happen, nothing has pointed that way.

But I will actually be even more pissed if they do. I made a post about this a while back, but here we go again. They CAN NOT REWARD THOSE PEOPLE!

For months we've had to deal with abuse directed towards us. As have the cast! Loud had so many death threats sent his way! Tim himself was harassed and bullied.

If they reward that, I'm gonna be pissed forever.

I'm choosing to try and keep a little hope that this isn't truly over. That they haven't just made the biggest mistake they possibly could by breaking up this queer couple who they KNOW has made so many actual queer men feel so seen and represented. The parts of interviews that I've seen don't sound promising in the slightest, and that's why it's literally the tiniest bit of hope possible. But I have to keep a little hope because everything is just awful right now.

They had to know doing this would genuinely hurt so many people. They DO KNOW how much this has meant to people because they've talked about it. They have to know that if this is final then they've just put Buck right back on that hamster wheel they were so happy to get him off. They have to know that this came out of nowhere and is genuinely awful.

Tim said he was excited to bring in a love interest for Buck that could fit into the show properly. Who was also a firefighter. Then he NEVER used that. They never showed them running into each other at a scene. They never had them really talking about the job. They never had scenes where they truly acknowledged that Tommy can fit into Buck's world.

It really just feels like all talk. Like I said, it's insulting, it's cruel, it's unnecessary.

They introduced a character who WORKS as Buck's partner. They introduce an amazing dynamic where he fits into Buck and Eddie's friendship. They give us so many moments that indicate that this will LAST. That this MATTERS. Then they end it like that.

So much talk about how excited they were to tell this story. To see where this relationship goes. So much wasted potential.

And now they've doomed us to even worse from those bullies who have been targeting us for months.

I'm probably gonna stay away from tumblr for a while. I'll check in at every episode to see what's going on, but I don't want to deal with what I know is coming.

And I'm angry, and hurt, and heartbroken. I need to focus on things that will make me happy. I've been angry for days now, and it's destroying me.

This just feels like a kick in the face.

[eddwardharrison]

thoughts on Clippet? (eclipse x puppet)

I think I would actually start eating bricks for breakfast

I’M SORRY!! NOT ACTUALLY LMAO || ALL LOVE / NO HATE

I don’t see Eclipse as a shippable character! ESPECIALLY not with Puppet.

Eclipse (as a whole when it comes to having any kind of relationship) is a character that struggles to keep connected to people and much less open up to them. The only time he’s ever opened up about anything is to try to defend himself when someone assumes the worst. He’s never comfortable around anyone, and he’s expressed many times that he just isn’t interested in the ideas.

THERE IS FOOTAGE OF HIM BEING ACTUALLY COMFORTABLE. WATCH VILLAIN PLAYS. HE’S SO /RELAXED/ IN THOSE VIDEOS IT’S INSANE. (Thanks SleepyNoGay for opening my eyes to VP…)

This is heavily why I HC Aro/Ace, because he is originally a Moon. I do agree that he is his own person and could have different preferences, which is EXACTLY WHY I DON’T CARE IF HE GETS SHIPPED ANYWAYS, but I just think, because he used to be THE Aro/Ace character (Moon), that he’s more than likely aro/ace too.

ALSO FOR THE PEOPLE WHO GO “aro/ace can still be in a relationship” HONESTLY DNI (not actually, everyone is different and I simply am not someone who can understand) AS AN ARO/ACE PERSON THAT LINE MAKES ME SO SICK TO MY STOMACH, EVEN THOUGH I’D LIKELY BE THE EXCEPTION!! ALSO THAT IDEA WAS ONLY BROUGHT UP BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE CRYING ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO SHIP ALASTOR FROM HAZBIN HOTEL. GET OUUUUT!!!!!!

Acespike and Cupiromantic, THAT’S WHO I AM!! But I could NEVER be happy in a relationship of any kind because my aro/ace would DESTROY me. (Tested and proven. Numerous times.)

Also he’d likely neglect his partner, and when he realizes he’s being the toxic partner, he’d feel really really sick over it, and would likely break up because of it. I just don’t think it’d be healthy for either parties!

BUT I HAVE BEEF WITH PUPPET, AND ECLIPSE DOES TOO.

I’m SORRY did we FORGET the MONTY AND PUPPET PODCAST?!??! YOU KNOW, THE ONE WHERE ECLIPSE WAS KIDNAPPED, TIED UP, AND THEN EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY DEGRADED?? THEY PUT THE /WORST/ TITLES THEY COULD WITH BARELY ANY CENSORSHIP AND FRAMED HIM FOR BEING /SEXIST/.

THAT EPISODE WAS BAD ENOUGH TO MAKE ME HATE PUPPET FOREVER…UNTIL SHE APOLOGIZES…depending on how she apologizes.

But also, her way of “befriending Eclipse” is just so bitterly annoying to me, and she would only make me want to destroy the universe I reside in more. She’s so pushy to believe Eclipse can be better, yet, like a plant, she starts screaming at it to grow and then complains when it doesn’t. BECAUSE…YOU PUT IT IN A DARK ROOM, WITH NO WATER. IT’S GOING TO DIE, PUPPET.

I can’t even see this whole Eclipse and Puppet Show as a “redemption arc”, it’s genuinely just a live broadcast of Eclipse’s energy weakening more and more until he either collapses or falls off a cliff whether someone pushes him or he just decides “now is a great time for a nap.”

He’s just being overwhelmed the whole time, and because his previous tactics of lashing out and making people fear him isn’t working, he’s just giving up entirely. You can SEE how angry he is ALL THE TIME, he still LASHES OUT but it’s been reduced to small outbursts and hitting things.

“Well, if he’s so upset, why doesn’t he just leave?!”

Where would he GO?? Eclipse’s are UNIVERSALLY HATED and Puppet probably wouldn’t LET HIM because she’d think he’s going to cause problems elsewhere!

Eclipse is literally just masking.

SIGH

SO, UNFORTUNATELY…

I think Puppet x Eclipse sucks beyond mortal comprehension.

Am I also just…nauseous with shipping fictional characters, so there’s my only bias.

BUT LIKE IF YOU LIKE THE SHIP, SLAY BESTIE!!! I REALLY DON’T CARE WHAT YOU DO OR DO NOT SHIP AND HEADCANONS + FAN LORE ALWAYS EXISTS!!! This is just my personal opinion!! 😋😋

[lurkingshan]

Every You, Every Me

Story 3

A mechanic! Not my Last Twilight trauma

Actually, now that he's stood up and I see this black tshirt and coveralls taken halfway down, his look is more Payu than Mhok

HE'S COMING TO ME

Okay listen, who put these mismatched hair extensions on this boy I just wanna talk 🔪

FIAT!!! I missed him

I continue to recognize but not be able to place most of the background music in this show, it's driving me nuts

What's with all these March 19s... no way

Are you telling me he's been stalking this kid at the graveyard for years on his mother's death anniversary? And he asked the mom’s dead spirit to bless their union before he even talked to him?? You a weirdo for this, X

He's never even talked to him all these years but he says he likes him. Love at first sight, I guess. "His mismatched hair extensions have bewitched me body and soul"

Btw why has this kid Namping had the exact same haircut for so many years, seems unlikely

I have no theory on the significance of their family members changing universe to universe but I am noting it

Does the little brother get a side romance in this one? They have two whole eps this time they're getting ambitious

This Bad Buddy style phone flirting across the balcony/window is very good

There's a real ominous vibe happening here, something is def going on that we don't know about

Well, that sure was a wholly unnecessary full body lift 😏

I think I would have preferred they use the time to go deeper on the main pair in this story rather than squeeze in a side couple, but this is a Thai BL, so

Something very charming about X getting excited and hitting his head on the undercarriage of the car

The extensions look better in this almost kiss scene god bless (btw that was mean, Namping)

The chemistry!! When they let them flirt these two are excellent

Hmmm Namping is P' here, but he def wasn't older in the last story, what does it meeeeeeean

"Stop asking" boy what are you hiding

Sexiest back hug of all time in BL?? Perhaps

Man, what the hell happened to Namping? Crying during sex and then disappearing on X and sobbing as he leaves. Why can't he tell X what's going on?? (and also me, please tell me). This all feels really needlessly cruel and I am struggling to imagine a scenario that would excuse it.

Welp! Ton showing up after a time skip alone, wearing all black, carrying a box sure doesn't bode well

The way they are dragging this secret out has officially become irritating. Just say what the fuck is going on.

Well, at least Namping knows he's a coward. Ffs. I cannot imagine how he justified leaving X in such an abrupt way, telling him nothing, leaving him waiting, knowing he will never come back. A terminal illness is not a good excuse for what he did to him, especially because his supposed reason was not wanting to be selfish. But his choices here were far more selfish and cruel than telling the truth and staying to be happy while he could.

This show is not really what I expected based on the way people talk about it. It's not all that light, for one. I've heard it described as being a fun speed run of fanfic tropes, but it's pretty dramatic (in the sense of dealing with heavier themes), and this last story at least was very melodramatic. It's the kind of maudlin terminal illness plot line you'd see in a decades-old drama. I guess that's the idea? We're just running through classic tropes, including some that have been all but retired. I still don't know if or how these different universes are meant to connect, or what to make of these characters. Should I view each iteration as separate from the ones before, or am I meant to think of these as the same souls repeating lives? It's interesting for sure.

[writingismygame]

Random Headcanons I have for the Straw Hats

Luffy: Emotionally Intelligent. There's a reason he has so many allies and gains their trust. It's not just his strength it's also his influence on their emotions that develops those relationships. Most of the time he knows what his crew really needs or wants before they do and sometimes not even just his crew.

Zoro: I feel like he actually has a great fashion sense. If I was going to get anyone to chose an outfit for me it would be him. I don't remember seeing this man in an outfit that I didn't immediately like.

Nami: I think being part of the Straw Hats has been the first time in Nami's life where she has been able to openly express herself without fear of other's reactions. She can be her complete self and depend on others. Which is why some of her reactions are sometimes over the top. She's remaking herself after a whole life time of trauma (not unlike everyone else in the crew).

Usopp: The two constants in his life were his mother and Kaya. Then when his mother died Kaya was it for him. She's the only one who treated him as an equal. I think this is a big reason for his lies, he wants someone to be there for him but the only way it used to happen was by him pretending to be more interesting then he was, or by pretending the town was in danger (/ that his dad was coming back). Now that he's found a family he's not as big of a liar as he used to be.

Sanji: We all know that Sanji cares a lot about the crew and food. He knows everyone's favorites (duh he's the chef), but I think he is also very sensitive to how people react to the food he gives them. What I mean by that is he's always observing people when they eat his food. Sanji would 100% know and notice if someone didn't like the food or if they had aversions to it. He might ask about it, but he'd most likely make specific meals more attuned to whoever had issues with the food without bringing attention to it. He's a chef if his food isn't making you happy and you're not enjoying it, he has a duty to fix it.

Chopper: Chopper isn't the best with compliments because for most of his life he felt unlovable. He was exiled by his family, blamed himself for killing the man who took him in, and Dr. Kureha is rough around the edges and is more action based than word based. He 100% only started receiving compliments commonly and realized he was lovable when he joined the Straw Hats.

Robin: Definitely thought of herself as a walking omen up until the Enies Lobby Arc. Gives the best hugs. I will take no arguments. 10/10 hugs. The perfect amount of pressure and will hug for as long as you want.

Franky: You can have the most interesting conversations with him. Like I do not see this man having a boring conversation. He can get deep and philosophical too. You could ask him anything and everything nothing is off limits for him.

Brooke: Doesn't like being alone. Kinda obvious, but it shows more often when one of the straw hats is about to be alone. He's usually the first to offer to go somewhere to keep someone company. Being alone for years messed him up and he will do whatever it takes to keep the crew from experiencing that.

Jinbei: Gives the best advice. He has done mostly everything. He's lived a full life. Brooke is older, but I think Jinbei has more experiences under his belt. While you go to Franky for a good and interesting convo. You go to Jinbei when you need a confidant. He keeps your secrets when it matters, and will give you one of those pats on the back and maybe a hug afterward. I think he gives good hugs but also like he's not the biggest hugger. Like he's down to give them out, but he's not the first to offer. He'll say yes if you ask him for one.

[naelmasn]

"Midnight Waltz"

[crownedwille]

.

[queenlucythevaliant]

'Yes, that old oak with which I saw eye to eye was here in this forest,' thought Prince Andrei. 'But whereabouts?' he wondered again, looking at the left side of the road and, without realizing, without recognizing it, admiring the very oak he sought. The old oak, quite transfigured, spread out a canopy of dark, sappy green, and seemed to swoon and sway in the rays of the evening sun. There was nothing to be seen now of knotted fingers and scars, of old doubts and sorrows. Through the rough, century-old bark, even where there were no twigs, leaves had sprouted, so juicy, so young that it was hard to believe that aged veteran had borne them.

'Yes, it is the same oak,' thought Prince Andrei, and all at once he was seized by an irrational, spring-like feeling of joy and renewal. All the best moments of his life of a sudden rose to his memory. Austerlitz, with that lofty sky, the reproachful look on his dead wife's face, Pierre at the ferry, that girl thrilled by the beauty of the night, and that night itself and the moon and ... everything suddenly crowded back into his mind.

'No, life is not over at thirty-one,' Prince Andrei decided all at once, finally and irrevocably. 'It is not enough for me to know what I have in me- everyone else must know it too: Pierre, and that young girl who wanted to fly away into the sky; all of them must learn to know me, in order that my life may not be lived for myself alone.

From War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy

[sskk-manifesto]

Ep 5!!!

[thelittlebeekeeper]

excellent excellent weekend :) yayyy