#and it made me go “this reminds me of the fallout series” and here we are now

[rattotheimperialcheesegod]

hehehehe giggles and kicks my feet hehehe :3

LOOK AT IT, MY SUPER COOL BESTIE DREW THESE HEHEHEHEHE--💥💥💀

all tha stuff ive drawn for @rattotheimperialcheesegod 's fallout au btw. ive never played a fallout game before.

[pinegreenapples]

Radiostatic Fic Recs

Do you like radiostatic? Are you looking for something good to read? Here are some of my personal favorites that I think everyone should read! As a reminder, if you don't like something listed, just don't read it! And don't bother the author or me! Staying in your lane is free! 😊

Part 2 here!

Finished works

Read 'Em and Weep

Vox and Alastor are on the cusp of a relationship but Alastor worries that he isn't enough for Vox. Val interferes. Now a series!

Get Your Thrill Just to Get At Me

Alastor experiences a rut for the first time and Vox refuses to waste good dick on a panic attack.

Hold Me Like A Grudge

This one's ABO and pretty much just smut. Suppressants fail all over the city! Guess we gotta fuck!

Put Your Fingers Back to the Keys

Alastor gets publicly summoned by Lilith and Vox searches for him.

Escape Was Just a Nod and a Casual Wave

This one's a really cool predator/prey fic where Vox chases Alastor.

Keep You Like an Oath

Alastor sneaks into V Tower and discovers Vox's video logs. It causes a revelation.

Lucidity's Fog

Vox has one final sex dream of him and Alastor together.

How to Commission a Radio Demon Body Pillow (and other assorted things)

This one is based off a tumblr ask thread about Vox having an insane amount of Alastor paraphernalia. It's funny, but it is one-sided.

Would You Download a Demon?

Alastor tells Vox and Rosie that he sold his soul. Vox does something so stupid, it's smart.

Classic and Better

Oooohhhhoooo, this bad boy is what made me start writing again. The characterization of them is so good and I love it so much. Alastor tempts Vox back into his folds and Vox follows blindly.

Once Bitten, Twice Shy

Alastor lays claim to Vox by biting him. This one is short and sweet. Now a series!

Couple's Therapy

This one was funny and sadly too short. Modern day Alastor and Vox decide to go to therapy as a joke and it actually makes them realize a thing or two.

Bambi

I love this piece. It's cute! Vox and Alastor have two different versions of Bambi-their clashing interpretations lead to an adorable misunderstanding.

Joking Matters

Vox and Alastor got married to consolidate their power and have kept their relationship a secret since.

Obligations

Vox trades for Alastor's soul but it isn't at all like how he wanted. They both cope in their own ways.

Meant to Be Yours

This one's one-sided. Vox gets rejected and takes it really badly. An excellent piece exploring his side.

Bargains

This one is also so so so good. Alastor has a rut cycle and the only person who knows is Vox. However, Alastor hates that he has a rut and takes it out on Vox. Vox just wants to know what Alastor actually wants.

Spite

This one is delicious. It's based off the first episode where Alastor says he pulled a few strings to get the commercial to air. Vox demands that he act in a porno for blackmail.

Just a Slave to Your Instincts

Vox researches deer instincts and uses it very effectively against Alastor.

That One Tuesday

Similar premise to Classic and Better but it involves more of the Hazbin cast and the main plotline of trying to redeem sinners.

Vox and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Afterlife

This one is light on the relationship but funny. Basically, every rut Alastor goes fucking nuts and takes it out on Vox. However, no one believes him and they think he's going crazy.

666: Live on Air!

An excellent series that does a good job exploring the push and pull between these two and what a relationship between them would look like with all their hang ups and miscommunications.

Seeking Solace

This story plays with Dom/Sub designations and Vox is a sub who hasn't dropped in too long. He calls Alastor to help.

Radio Made the Video Star

An excellent series exploring the arc of Alastor and Vox's first meeting, their subsequent fallout, and their re-connection as they are forced to work on a project together.

Thawing Out

Vox is in an abusive relationship with Valentino. Alastor finds him one night by accident when he's mulling over his relationship. For the first time, Alastor notices that something else might be going on at Vee Tower and he has these awful feelings about it that he can't seem to shake.

The Pitch

Vox swaggers into Alastor's radio tower to find out more about his newest pet project, he ends up limping out. Wink wonk!

Hypnosis, Live in your Bedroom!

This is inspired by the 666 hypnosis fic and it is quite good! It’s another smut piece of Alastor and Vox exploring his hypnosis.

Other Place

This piece is really sentimental. It made me cry and think about death. Basically, Alastor visits Vox on the anniversary of his mother's death and they talk through his many emotions.

This Wasn't on the Agenda

One-sided but funny! Vox and Alastor start a hissy fit in an overlord meeting about their brief sexual history together.

Staticradio Woodland Fun

This one's cutesy! Vox and Alastor are both mythical creatures experiencing rut and so they spend it with each other.

Feeling from Grace

Angel Dust comes to Alastor with some concerns about Vox’s wellbeing. Alastor manages to fuck it up, as he does all things regarding Vox and feelings.

Music on T.V. and Sex on the Radio!?

This one’s funny and sexy. After their little fight on air, Vox tracks Alastor down in his tower to have some good old fashioned fun.

Stay

Alastor can’t seem to let Vox go, even when Vox decides he can’t keep playing this game anymore.

Like Old Times

Alastor pays Vox a visit in his office after their musical spat to say hello.

Deer in the Backlights

This piece is nice in the way that it explores Vox finally getting closure from his obsession with Alastor. Val and Velvette set up a meeting for Vox and Alastor to finally fuck and get rid of their weird psychosexual tension. Vox wonders if this was really what he wanted all along.

198

This one is pure smut and it’s so delightful. Vox manages to mind break Alastor and turn him into his own personal sex toy. I also highly recommend anything by childishsadism, they write very compelling work!

Undisclosed Desires

Alastor and Vox get into another fight and Alastor finds he likes it a lot more than he thought he would.

To Be Yours

This is my own work! Alastor hears Vox open their personal frequency for the first time in years. Curious, he goes to find out why exactly Vox has chosen to break the silence.

Safe with Me

This one's good! It's a modern AU where Vox is a CEO and Alastor is a serial killer and podcaster. After separating as childhood friends, Vox and Alastor meet once again and find love with one another. Now a series!

Bluest Monday

This one is so well written and the romance between them is absolutely heart wrenching. Alastor fears losing Vox to modernity, so he finally accepts Vox’s courting in an attempt to keep the other at his side. This decision has unintended consequences neither could foresee. Now a series!

Addicted

Addicted is really good. Vox finds out he's been drugged by Val for decades and as a result has long term amnesia. He runs away and tries to reckon with a past he can't even remember.

Hypnotic

This one is a rape fic. Vox hypnotizes Alastor against his will and forces him to recount his first sexual encounter as he has sex with him.

Unfinished works

Prey of the Video Star

This one is really really good! After the battle, Vox takes Alastor back to Vee tower, determined to finally make the other his. Alastor, weakened, struggles the best that he can even as the noose tightens around his neck.

Equilibrium

Vox saves Alastor and accidentally creates a soulbond between them. This sets in motion a landslide of unexpected events between them.

The Answer is Yes

Okay, this one is extremely well written. It's a fascinating exploration of Vox and Alastor's relationship through a vignette style. It blends all sorts of memories with modern day and it's really cool. I like it a lot.

Hell’s Televisionary

This one is a really interesting take on Vox and his first few years in Hell. I’m really enjoying it! Vox is new to Hell and looking to make a name for himself. He’s also looking to reconnect with the elusive redhead that helped him when he first fell.

Rival Frequencies

Vox goes after Alastor after the extermination and patches him up. He discovers that maybe his feelings haven’t waned, and he tries to rekindle a friendship with Alastor again.

Tune On In!

This one is based off of an art post where Vox and Alastor got platonically married and details their life together.

Unraveling Emotions

Falling in love makes a sinner’s heart human again and their second death permanent. Vox has never stopped loving Alastor. Alastor makes a mistake and Vox nearly pays the price.

For my friends who liked my post, I hope this finds you!

@rae-does-stuff, @drakepad-luv-2000, @motherarts, @freakshowmemories, @bratpfanne-of-doom, @superpersonpatroleclipse , @nocakesformissedith , @coins-that-never-land , @matrixbearer2024, @dancingafterdark ,@pedi-bug , @starlightthenightwing , @unnecessarilysalty

[nerdieforpedro]

We need to be on the same page

Chapter 6 of Weddings 101 with Dieter Series

Dieter Bravo x Maya (plus size OFC)

This blog and fic are for readers 18+ MDNI

Summary: The fallout from the pictures begins and Dieter’s PR leader Vanessa is here to help, we think. Zack is just trying to stay employed. Dieter and Maya make a critical decision. Oscar might actually be useful.

Word Count: 3836

Warnings: naked people, a bad Beyoncé joke, messing with your assistant, some angst, no Cheetos or tequila were harmed in his chapter, sexual tension? or she might not be that into you dude, plotting, being an asshole sister in law, anxiety, I might have a good use for Oscar finally

Notes: This took me a while because I don’t like having loose ends and I wanted to build the drama! Not that there isn’t enough. 😆 With this chapter, this fic is my longest one to date, I'm proud of all the different directions it goes into. I have even more plans for them. 🫡

Main Masterlist/ Dieter Bravo Masterlist/ AO3 Link

Today was one of the days that Zack did not look forward to. He was at the villa at ten in the morning. The photos were everywhere, Vanessa had blown up his phone for information and face-timed him from the jet. He needed to warn both Dieter and Maya that she was coming. Maybe it would be good… “No, I'm lying to myself. Vanessa will question everything. Will I even have a job? She seemed mad though Mr. Bravo’s happy. Doesn’t that count for something? It’s not with drugs.” Walking up to the front door, he was going to use his key when he heard some giggling. “I just…I’ve seen Dieter naked. It’s kinda a requirement of the job. Just not Ms. Maya, she’s a nice lady.” He decided to knock loudly on the door, the giggles ceased and he heard footsteps heavy toward the door. 

“Who’s banging on my door this damn early?! You better get out of here!”

“Dee at least ask who it is.”

“I don’t care, it could be the president, pope or, no Beyonce could come in.”

“I am not meeting Beyonce in my robe. My hair is a mess, my face is puffy, I haven’t showered yet…that’s not who it is!”

“I mean, if she shows up on this door, she’s gonna have to be okay with my bare ass, balls and your robe with your cute puffy face. It’s just us. You don’t need one. I’m just going to take it back off to eat you for-.”

“MR. BRAVO IT’S ME ZACK! YOUR ASSISTANT!” He screamed, he didn’t need to hear Dieter removing anything off of Maya or eating her in any capacity, they can do that after he leaves later. Never any filter with this damn man, he just needs to remind himself of his loans. This is for your loans. This job is getting you out of debt.

“Oh! Why didn’t you say so?” Dieter opens the door as Maya yells at him not to. She grabs the throw blanket off the couch and wraps it around Dieter's waist. Zack appreciates that someone has some sense of when to be naked and when not to be. 

“Good morning Ms. Maya. Hi Dieter.” The assistant enthusiasm only was on display for Maya who gave him a smile and a hello. Dieter sucked his teeth. 

“Hey! Why do you greet her like that? I’m your employer! Be happy to see me, dammit!” Bravo fussed and took a hold of the blanket that Maya had been holding. He needed to pull it up so he wouldn’t step on it. 

Zack set his messenger bag on the couch and made a mental note of which throw blanket that was. It would need to be washed later after being thrown on Vanessa first. Maybe in her face. 

“Have either of you turned on the TV or looked at your phones? I did try calling both of you, but I assume-” Zack trailed off. He took a good look at them both. Dieter had scratches on his shoulders and chest peppered with bruises. His neck has several hickeys and so did Maya’s. She on the other hand appeared to have bruises that resembled fingers maybe? Zack didn’t want to think too much about it. “You both were otherwise occupied.” He sat down in the overstuffed chair. Dieter sat in the middle of the couch with Maya on one end, he draped part of the blanket over her legs since her robe hit mid-thigh.

Maya shakes her head. “No. We haven’t. Is there something Dieter should be concerned about?”

“It’s something both of you should be concerned about Ms. Maya.” Zack sighs and pulls out his iPad. On it, he loads up Google and type in Dieter’s name. The first ten links are to various sites that have pictures and speculations about Maya and Dieter, their relationship, who she is, what he’s doing with her and all sorts of nonsense. Thankfully, the negative comments are at a minimum, most were wondering if Dieter was making a turn for the better after his two week long marriage to Anika. 

Dieter thought he’d been careful. The boutique had been cleared, he thought. The jet he hadn’t been concerned about much of anything except getting her to ride with him so that one’s on him. The restaurant was supposed to only have VIPs, others who wouldn’t care about him being there with someone. Outside of the wedding venue could have been anyone. He hadn’t been thinking on that one either, well other than spending time with Maya that is. Now he’s involved her without her full consent. “Dammit…” He turned to say something to her, anything, but she’d gotten up and walked upstairs. He stood to go after her but Zack called after Dieter.

“Sir, if you’re going to have a conversation with any meaning, at least put underwear on. Also Vanessa just texted and she’s an hour out. No word on what the plan is yet. Don’t say anything stupid to Ms. Maya. She’s…” The assistant’s voice trailed off as Dieter stood next to his chair naked with his hands on his hips.

“She’s what Zack? Maya is funny, wonderful, gorgeous and so damn soft. I better not catch you looking at-“

“Mr. Bravo. I was going to say she’s a normal person like me who’s likely freaked out about suddenly having her picture everywhere and her life questioned by people she doesn’t know. Also I don’t see her that way. I don’t see you or anyone that way. I don’t form attachments like that at least not right away and it needs to be the right person.”

“That’s right, you’re Demi-sexual right? I keep forgetting that.”

Zack massages his temples, his boss has gotten sidetracked. “Task at hand sir. Ms. Maya is freaking out. Reassure her with pants on.” He knew to keep it short so Bravo wouldn’t lose focus again.

“Right, I’m off. Tell Nessa we’ll be down shortly.” Making his way up the stairs, he quickly went into his room, tossed on some boxers and took a deep breath. “Taking advantage of this would be wrong…right?” Daisy nips at his toes. “Hey girl, you gave us some privacy last night? Thanks.” He picks her up and scratches behind her ears. “I want her to stay with us Daisy. I know she has her own stuff, but couldn’t it be part of mine? We could have our stuff.” The goat licks a bite mark on his neck, “Maya’s a bit rough with me Daisy. It’s been a long while since I’ve been handled like that.” The low chuckle at the memory had him curious when the next time would be, if there would be a next time.

In Maya’s room:

“Oh my god, oh my god….nononono…” Panic was taking over, what did this all mean? Is she going to need to change jobs? Her name? What do people even do in this situation? Is she just going to be some quiz show question? That’s not how Maya wants to be on Jeopardy. Pacing in her room, she hears her phone vibrate.

Maya picked up her phone and saw twenty missed calls, ten of which were from Elyssa. Her mother congratulated her for snagging not only a nice man but a rich one. Her little brother Michael said to call him, he needs to talk to this man who has her out all over the place. Her two older brothers said the same thing but told her that they won’t recognize him as a brother in law unless he passes a few tests. There were increasingly frantic texts from the bride demanding to know the following:

Why she brought a celebrity to her wedding?

Why she was trying to sabotage her?

Is it because the entire time she’s dated Michael, Maya’s always been alone?

Did you go into debt paying him to come with you? 

Or is this how you were able to afford coming out to the wedding in the first place?

“What the hell are they all talking about about Dieter is not…he’s…well. Maybe…” Her conviction is wavering but she can’t stay with Dee. She has work, a life, but the last few days have been nothing short of wonderful. “And last night was…”

“I thought between last night and this morning things were great, superb even. Am I wrong?” Strolling in her room wearing a pair of navy boxer briefs that hung just below the swell of his tummy, Dieter crossed his arms watching Maya stop her pacing. She looked up at him, feeling embarrassed, frustrated, pissed and if she was honest with herself, happy. Unable to meet his gaze, she kept her eyes on her phone, re-reading Elyssa’s texts. Dieter peered over her shoulder and clicked his tongue. “She really has nothing better to do then text you that? That woman is insufferable. I’d feel bad for your little brother if it didn’t sound like he was threatening me too. Doesn’t he know I have a goat?” 

Wrapping his arms around her, Maya her initial laugh turned into a sigh and leaned back against Bravo’s chest. “They’re just worried, though they don’t need to be.”

“Is that what you call it? I’d say they’re over-protective. And Elyssa is being a bitch with those questions. Anyway, forget all that, sit down.” Dieter tugs her over to the bed and has Maya sit across his lap with her legs to one side. She tried to stand up, but she still got his strong arms wrapped around her. “We need to talk cariño (sweetheart.)”

“I know. I’ll go to the hotel. Things should blow over right?” Still looking at her phone, thumbing through her Instagram. There are mostly curious comments, a few mean and racist ones, a couple others were congratulatory. Bravo takes her phone and tosses it on the bed. “Dee, what the hell?” Finally, she’s looking at him, with surprise and fear on her face.

“I know you’re scared Almond Joy. I also know you never asked for any of this, to be associated which a guy who’s known for fucking up everything he touches except for easels, scripts and KitKats.” A kiss to her shoulder has her stiffen, then relax. “I also…don’t want you to leave.” Maya’s watching his eyes again. They look the same as last night, burrowing within her. 

“I can’t. You know I can’t. I’m not like you Dieter.” Shutting her lids tight is the only way not to be drawn in by his cocoa pools. Putting an arm around his shoulder, her hand lands on his back where she’s scratched him. 

“I know you’re not Maya. That’s part of what makes you so majestic. The trust you have in me, the fun, some other things you might still have in you.” Her fingers pinched his cheek. 

“Be serious! I’m not built for that type of scrutiny Dee and we’re not even toget-“

“But what if we were? Together? I mean it’s pretty muddled but you snap me back in to focus. We can just date. I’m not saying you have to stay here, we just see each other when we can. Video calls and I’ll come see where you live and-“

“You’ll tell me it’s beneath me and I need to be somewhere else because I only live once or something right?” The quick peck to his lips paused his thoughts. “Is that what our relationship becomes? Calls and visits? I…” Maya laments, she just has to say it, but she can’t. “Just let me go. I can’t…” Slipping out of Dieter’s arms, she steps away from him only to be in front of the same mirror from last night. Where he showed her how beautiful he believes her to be. Her hands are in her face again. She’s frightened but he’s thinks it’s not only the prospect of being on display for people.

Instead of approaching her from behind Bravo stands in front of her, “Ahora relájate y deja que cuide de ti (Relax now and let me take care of you).” Dieter places his hands on hers and moves them, she allows him to without a fuss. Her eyes are closed and there are tears at the edges, his lips wipe them away. “Let me. I’m not saying you’ll be a kept woman. You know that’s not what I mean. Just be honest with me, like you were last night. Tell me what you want.”

Maya knows he’s giving her a huge opening. She’s been fighting what she wants. She told herself it’s just for now, and then it was until the wedding was over. But Dieter’s offering it to her, why can’t she just say it?! “I..I…want. I want to stay with you. Be silly, wake up with you and do more fun things. Like the beach, swimming, brunch, just a drive. I don’t want to worry anymore. I’d like…” Dieter places his forehead against Maya’s as her tears fall. He doesn’t wipe them away this time. Just lets her continue. “I’d like to be fussed over, just some. Not in a weird dominating way but like…a soft way. Like am I okay, do I need anything, does that feel good, would you like more, do you even like that, what do you want to do today, what are your favorite foods and colors…Ugh…that was way too much. I can’t-“

“No. You can Maya. Be greedy. Ask for my time. Tell me to give you all you want. I don’t know if I can but I can damn well try. Mi mujer perfecta (My perfect woman).” He kisses her forehead and cups her face with his large hands. Her eyes are red and puffy. “I’ll say it again. I don’t want you to go Kit Kat. Just stay and worry about yourself. Please.”

“I feel like I’m watching a romance film right now. My, my…It looks like we won’t need to manufacture a real relationship between the two of you.” A woman of about five feet seven inches with auburn hair and matching butterfly tattoos on each arm. She wore a sleeveless navy blue slim fit dress with black red bottom heels. Her red tote bag swayed with her steps toward the couple. “Sorry to interrupt darlings, such a sweet moment, but we need to go ahead and decide how we want the chips to fall.” She smiled, patting Maya’s shoulder, studying her wet face. This Maya is cute, she almost wants to pinch her cheek. That didn’t matter much, what would matter is what these two decided to do. “My name is Vanessa. I’m the leader of Dieter’s PR team. Meet me downstairs when you two are dressed, don’t take too long. There’s much to discuss.” The fixer disappeared out of the room and back down the stairs to Zack, it looks like there was a lot he left out in his updates.

Back downstairs, Zack was being questioned by Vanessa after she peeked in on Dieter and Maya. She found out that Dieter had invited Maya on his jet after her flight was canceled. Since then, they’d grown closer and outside of one small sniff of a seat (Zack left out that it was coke on Maya’s seat - told her it was ecstasy). He also told her about Oscar’s fights with Dieter and the goat bite. Vanessa said she was aware of that one not the guitar one though. She said that she would table the idea of using Oscar in that manner, instead, why was Maya coming to Hawaii in the first place. Zack then remembered it was for a wedding, though who knows what’s happening with it now. From what he’s gathered, the bride, Maya’s future sister in law sounds like an asshole and crazy. Vanessa was making notes in a small pad she removed from her tote. “A plan is brewing Zack. You’ll need to actually keep me informed instead of pieces of information.”

”Yes ma’am. It’s just…Ms. Maya is really nice and Dieter seems somewhat sane with her. As sane as he’s going to be. It’s nice. No woodwind or brass instruments so far this week. I don’t know what his deal with the instruments is either. So weird. Or crazy parties. And I haven’t seen any toys askew but they could have just cleaned up which is still pretty nice and-“” Zack paused. “Just see how they are with each other, you’ll see.” 

Soon Maya and Dieter came downstairs fully dressed, Maya in a simple pink dress, flowing with wide sleeves and skirt. She’d cleaned her face but it was slightly red around the eyes and ends of her ears. Dieter had on a pair of black shorts with a white tee and sunglasses on his head. They sat on the couch and held hands. Zack and Vanessa watched their body language, in addition to them holding hands, Maya was leaning onto his shoulder and their knees were touching. If…they were seen like this out and about and if someone for whatever reason did an interview with them, it would reflect well for Dieter. Despite actually marrying that woman Anika, their interactions (outside of what happened in their bedroom) reflected two people that weren’t comfortable with each other and were distant. 

“Have you two decided what you want to do? It’s not really ideal for the start of any relationship, but at the very least we’ll be able to sell you two as being in a legitimate relationship.” With her white manicured nail, she drew an imaginary circle around the pair. “The way your two sit in silence with each other is excellent. I take it, a decision has been made?” Vanessa placed her elbow on the top of her bent knee. 

Maya squeezed Dieter’s hand and nodded, letting him talk, “Yeah we have Nessa.”

Later that evening…

Oscar was not pleased, what he woke up to was mostly positive headlines about Dieter Bravo. How happy he looked, how content, was it because of the new woman in his life? Was it something else? Maybe he came to Hawaii to rest and recharge and that’s why he looks like he has not a care in the world.  Issac’s plan had severely backfired, worse yet, his assistant informed him that he’d received a call from Vanessa La Roux’s office. Oscar is aware of who she is and has only one dealing with her before and that ended poorly, where he had to take a sabbatical afterward. 

Hanri knocked on Oscar’s hotel room door, he’d done as his boss asked and felt horrible about it. He was dropping off his boss’ usual order of tequila and three bags of hot Cheetos that he likes to eat in the evening. He had been propositioned by Vanessa and happily agreed to get her in the hotel and a private meeting with Mr. Issac. After getting her in, he left her to it and headed back to his room with his money. Oscar heard the door and called for the young man to bring him his snack.

“Good evening Oscar. Hanri is otherwise occupied.” Vanessa tilted her head and smiled, setting a bottle of tequila and the bags of cheetos on the end of the actor’s bed. “We have quite a bit to discuss tonight. You’ll need to be sober for this. After we talk you can drown yourself in your choice of drink.” She pulled up a chair and sat across from Oscar who was naked except for a soft eggshell robe that was wrapped around him.

“I figured you’d pop up at some point you damn she-devil. I guess my fun’s over. How much do I need to pay you to leave your little goat lover alone this time?” He remarks as he sips his red wine, expecting an outrageous number from her. It’s not like he hadn’t paid Vanessa and Dieter’s team before. Oscar enjoyed pissing Bravo off by any means. Their business ran on public opinion and numbers - no matter if it was scores, awards, stars, money, age, you name it, it could have a number. 

“No, no, no Oscar. You don’t get to just pay me this time. If it was just messing with Dieter, that’s one thing, but-“ Vanessa stood and snatched a bag of cheetos, ripping it so they spilled on the floor. “-you’ve not only been stalking him. Something you said you’d never do again, you also leaked pictures of him and his girlfriend, who hadn’t settled on being in the public eye yet and now she has to. No cheetos for you.” Grabbing a fist full of Oscar’s hair, she tugged on it. “You’re going to follow Dieter and Maya to the wedding and you’re going to do exactly as I tell you. Then we can talk about money and I can use it to fund another studio for Dieter.”

Sucking his teeth, Oscar nods and takes a swig of his tequila, the fixer lets go of his hair and extends her hand. They grip hands and shake, sitting back down. “What do I have to do jefa (boss)?” He attempted to touch her knee but she slapped her hand away. “Ahaha, You’re really serious aren’t you? Well jefa, that just makes the reward that much hotter doesn’t it?” His snicker has Vanessa shift her weight from side to side.

Looking over her shoulder, she sneered. “That was only one time. Don’t test your luck Issac. I’ll be in touch.” She walks out leaving him to his late night snack. “You know you’re too old to be drinking like that, it was that same tequila that got you and Dieter on a lifetime ban from The Muppets.” 

Oscar smiled as he stood and walked up behind Vanessa. Not touching her, just leaning over her shoulder to meet her face a few inches away. “I don’t recall you saying that in the green room when I had my Count cape on, and that wasn’t just one time. Unless you count it as one within a certain time period.” She exhaled and continued toward the door and Oscar followed her, but gave her more space, holding the door open for her. “I’ll take your ever so thoughtful advice mi jefa.” He takes a bow as she walks out. 

On her way down to the car, Vanessa whips out her phone and texts Zack to tell Maya (as she’ll actually make sure Dieter’s on time) to ensure that they are at the dress rehearsal for the wedding on time tomorrow. Thankfully, it’s only some family stuff that Maya can skip and she mentioned after their talk that she would be having lunch with her mother. 

The stage is prepared except for a few pieces here and there. This wedding rehearsal will be a vivid experience for all those in attendance. Vanessa was counting on it for Dieter’s sake, it was her job after all.

The Trash Panda Possse 🦝: @megamindsecretlair @pedritapascal @pascalsanctuary @nissaimmortal @angelofsmalldeath-codeine

@soft-persephone @saturn-rings-writes @readingiskeepingmegoing @harriedandharassed @yorksgirl @bishtrouille

@missladym1981

Chapter 5 Chapter 7

[lost-technology]

So, lads, lassies and laird's, I've been watching the Fallout TV series. I'm about halfway through it. The Fallout series are video games that I like a lot - I haven't played them all, but I'm enough of a fan that I've legit made FOOD from The Official Vault-Dweller's Cookbook gifted to me by my late nephew (I was drinking homemade Nuka-Cola yesterday). The super-fans are going to wank and whine about the lore-details, but I take it as its own entry and am enjoying it so far (even though I miss the NCR). I'm actually SURPRISED that a live-action show based on video games is as good as it is. (They usually suck, this is pretty good...) Anyway, just what does this have to do with Trigun (other than both things taking place in post-apocalyptic desert settings)? Well, there is the 200+ year old guy (ghoul) with the long shot up duster which I addressed on this blog before as "Perfect wardrobe - if anyone makes a live action Trigun, pay attention to this). Cooper isn't quite the "Vash" here, though... his morals are more... Wolfwood? Left of Wolfwood? He's actually an excellent study in broken morals as he used to be a very decent guy in his pre-war life... No... it's how main character Lucy is giving me some inspiration. Lucy is the Vault-Dweller. She comes from a sealed underground Vault that her ancestors fled into to escape the bombs. The Vaults, however, were never meant to save anyone. Lucy's Vault currently has a population-problem (everyone's getting incesty), it's connected to two other Vaults and there's a trade-thing going on, including for breeding, but there's definitely something weirder going on that the series is unfolding... And everyone in her Vault is super-idealistic. They're all peaceful people who live by peaceful ways and they have an agriculture-area (NOT AT ALL unlike the Geoplant-room / recreation room of a SEEDS ship!) that is set up to simulate Nebraska. So when Lucy goes out into the outside world in her quest to find her kidnapped father (is stuff that happens in episode 1 really a spoiler???) she's just very... trying to do things peacefully and with good morals in this... wrecked and horrible world. She cites The Golden Rule a lot. But then... she gets quickly and progressively "grittified." She has to do some awful things to survive and carry out her quest, although she actually sticks to her moral code. (So far, I've only seen her directly kill once, in self-defence, and it is arguable that the subject was in the realm of not-human-anymore and death-was-a-mercy) and she was shocked by it. And immediately after, she did a kindness to someone who betrayed her simply because she decided that she was not going to let the world change her. "I will never become you." Reminded me of Vash a bit - Born in a sealed metal spaceship with artificial environs, not unlike a Vault (save that SEEDS was actually meant to save Humanity, not experiment on it, not that...um...experiments didn't happen *tugs collar*). The SEEDS folk that we meet (Rem, Luida, Brad) seem to come from an optimistic, idealistic perspective in contrast to the survival-world of the desert planet. Instead of a world to colonise / recolonise according to a peaceful plan sold to their ancestors, it's a dog-eat-dog nasty world where murder is common. And yet, Vash sticks to his guns and keeps to ideals and doesn't let him change him for the worse by his own hard-won decision, in spite of absolutely everything. This, of course, also has me thinking of my WIP fanfic in which Rem survives and what I was doing in direction in that with her and continued survival having to face a post-Fall world and no longer being a pedestal-figure for Vash, but having to be a real person and surprising him and gaining grit (in a strictly in-character way). So, of course the story of this TV series, being what it is, is jogging my brain.

[jerzwriter]

I'd like to thank @aria-ashryver for this idea; I got this from their post on the 10 times they made their characters cry! [This reminds me that I really need to get back to writing angst! lol]

This is in no order because it would take me 10 years to finish.lol

A Moment in Time - CoP AU - Trystan x Carolina (F!MC)

I love a good 'true love that's meant to be, but circumstances deem they can't be together' story. This was a very real possibility for them, and I needed to write an AU to explore it. (And yes, I know, I need to do the final part!)

Promises Made, Promises Kept - OH - Ethan x Kaycee (F!MC)

After a lifetime together, Ethan & Kaycee's daughter carries on a tradition for her father after he's gone.

Forever - OH AU - Ethan Ramsey x Kaycee (F!MC)

He let her go, except he never did, not even at the very end. This one was just cruel. I'm sorry. But I'm not.

See You Again - OH AU - Tobias x Casey (F!MC)

Tobias learns about the importance of friendship and how to move on after tragedy strikes. This one was just cruel, too. There is something wrong with me.

Unblemished & Unforgettable - OH AU - Tobias Carrick x Casey

Sometimes, walking away is the only way, no matter how much it hurts. These still makes me cry lol

In Another Time - OH - Tobias x Vincenza (F!OC) Ethan x Vincenza

Two friends in love with the same woman typically doesn't end well, but these two really mucked it up.

Delaying the Inevitable - OH AU - Ethan Ramsey x F!MC, Tobias Carrick x F!MC

This series had a lot of angst-filled moments. I think most would argue that Chapter 13 was the most tear-inducing. But here are some of my favorite tear-inducing parts... including Chapter 13. Ch. 6 Excerpt: Love for One - Tobias confesses his love for his best friend's girl, knowing it will never be more than a dream. (this is an excerpt from the full chapter.) Ch. 11: Shattered - When the past repeats itself, Ethan falls apart, and the fallout comes fast. Ch. 13: Break My Heart Again - Yeah, this is the one I'm hated for. lol Dark Ethan / broken Casey. Ch. 34: When Forever Falls Apart - Tragedy can change everything (and I fucked everyone up in this chapter! lol) Ch. 35: For Good - Reflection, change, and goodbyes.

Eli Sipes Prequel (Series) - WTD Prequel - Eli Sipes & Family

Honestly, I'm cheating here because this is a whole bunch of stories, but honestly, it's some of my favorite work that I've ever done. A zombie apocalypse lends itself to angst, and canon told us about The Sipes family's tragic end, but we didn't know their story. I wanted to tell it through the eyes of his mother in A Mother's Journal. Coming Up Blank is a companion series that tells the story of Eli and his brother, David, coming of age. Then, lastly, the last 2 days Eli has with his family - and yeah - "that" end is covered in The End of the World Part 1 and Part 2.

I struggled with the last 2, especially because I cheated. There are more than 10 up there, after all! lol Also, some of these are unfinished and I feel guilty... so here's a mish-mosh with no comments, but this is all angst: When the Bough Breaks Part 1 (OH-AU|Ethan x Kaycee); What's Forever For? (OH-AU|Tobias x Casey); Where it Goes From Here... (OH-AU|Tobias x Casey); What We Wish For (Series) (OH-AU| Tobias x Casey)

@choicesfandomappreciation

[thecrusadercomrade]

Was just playing S1 E3 when I thought of this, and I've decided to make this an open question to TWDG fans: what location do you associate most with each season? My list goes something like this:

Season 1: The motor inn. We actually spend very little time here (on-screen, not chronologically), but to me the motor inn has always been THE location of the first season. It's our base of operations, the only real one we ever have during the season, and it's something the characters are clearly invested in, which makes me invested as well. Often I think of ways they could've made the motor inn work more long-term, or at least have had an easier time while they were there.

Season 2: Howe's, definitely. We only get it for one episode, but it feels like a much bigger part of the season than it is. There's a lot of character to the location, from the pen to the armory to the flimsy-looking expansion, as well as the announcements Carver makes using the loudspeakers. This is where the season is at the peak of its story in my opinion, with one of the best villains in the series and a lot of interesting things going on. I wouldn't have minded spending a lot more time here, getting to learn more about the community outside of Carver and a few guards.

A New Frontier: Prescott. It's one of the few non-villainous communities we get to really see in the series, which automatically makes it pretty interesting. It reminds me of something from Fallout, the way it's built around an old airstrip with junky-but-functional walls. It even has a functioning bar, as well as an (admittedly shady) bartering system. I wish we could've seen more things like this as the series progressed, the world slowly putting itself back together the best it can. Shame it got destroyed.

The Final Season: Ericson's. This one is pretty obvious, since we spend the vast majority of the season there. To make it more specific, I'll say that the courtyard is what I associate most with the season. It's pretty much the hub area anytime we're there, providing a nice chance to interact with everyone. It would've been so cool if the development team had been able to do their original idea of reclaiming parts of the school over time, but I'm happy with what we ended up getting.

What about you all? I'd love to hear some other peoples' opinions on this.

[thatbanditqueen]

Against the Wall Chapter 3

Knock Me Down

A brief note: I need to go back and edit the previous chapters' posts, because this fic has taken on a life of its own. I envisioned it as this epic three-chapter story I would write over the winter holidays as a sort of sweet Christmas anti rom-com about Austin and an OC in the late 1980s/early 1990s. Then it took me twenty days to finish the third chapter. And it's pretty clear to me that I have more to write. At least one more chapter and an epilogue..... so whatever.....

I don't usually take requests, but I do appreciate input and feedback and suggestions, although I cannot guarantee how the writing process will work itself out, I will say that your feedback has kept me going and I included a few little scenes especially for @slowsweetlove although I probably didn't do him justice and completely defied his persona, I changed Keanu to suit my narrative needs and I hope it isn't too horrible to bear....

Catch up here:

Chapter 1: Bruised Bananas

Chapter 2: Red-Headed Woman

Summary: Picking up where we left off in chapter two, Hannah and Austin cope with the fallout from her arrest, and try to make the best of it, but fate gets in the way and they break up again, Austin begins to give in to some bad habits of his own while Hannah tries to forge a clean start but has some hard decisions to make on the way....

Rating: Explicit

Warning: smut, so 18+ only please, vaginal, oral, threesomes, sex with prostitutes, toxic, dark consensual sex, drugs, alcohol, pregnancy

Words: 15.4 K

IF YOU ENJOY PLEASE LIKE, REBLOG AND/OR LEAVE ME SOME FEEDBACK LETTING ME KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT.

so many typos sorry

Hannah's Rehab Playlist (basically grungey alt from late 80s/early 90s)

Hannah & Austin's Romantic Mixtape (get it on music from 70s - early 90s they would've liked... i don't know, it was part of my creative process...)

May 12, 1991, 7 am

Culver City Police Department

The wall greeted Hannah’s head with a thud, and she knocked her self back into it harder, wanting to absorb  the cold concrete, it was awelcome relief to  her warm, throbbing, anxious neck as she blocked the fluorescent glow of the overhead light with her hand. She sighed, head pounding, longing to sleep, but the adrenaline coursing through her blood made sleep impossible. That, and the general grey, dour, imprisoned atmosphere of the Los Angeles County holding cell where she found her self confined. That also made sleep impossible. So instead, she lay there, mentally flaying herself for being so stupid, so unlucky, and so utterly fucked. The severe, angry figure of Austin’s publicist Min greeted her at the discharge desk. Tall, slender, Black, with high cheekbones and an elegant, refined style, Hannah shuddered at Min’s terse smile as it led her to a white Mercedes.

“Thanks… for getting me … you didn’t have to….” Hannah looked down.

“I got a call from Austin’s agent, Brett, at 4:30 this morning informing me one of Hollywood’s hottest, highest paid actors is trying to leave an active, overseas production, one already running behind, and costing the studio hundreds of thousands of dollars a day, to rescue his girlfriend, so, um, yeah, I did have to….its going to take all my effort and connections to keep the damage to a minimum…”

Sighing as she looked out the window, Hannah  realized they were going over the 101 to the valley, a direction that was decidedly not towards her apartment. About an hour later, after a shower and some coffee, Hannah sat on a bar stool in Min’s pristine kitchen trying her best to respond to a series of questions and rules.

“Let’s not beat around the bush. My job is to minimize the amount of people who know you were arrested last night. This is best for both your career and Austin’s.” Hannah nodded to Min, but reminded herself that Min gets 10% of Austin’s salary, and his career was her priority, not hers.

“Alright,  Hannah. Have you ever been arrested before?” Hannah shook her head. “Good, that’s good… OK… now, be honest, has Austin been doing cocaine and heroin as much as you or Downey, or any of the other reprobates you have been running around with?”

“Um… Austin likes to party but uh …  he doesn’t need to, you know? I… uh… he stopped partying when he’s working on a project … he, uh, never tried H. He doesn’t even know I’ve done it…” 

“Well, he knows now. Right, ok, and how long have you had a drug problem ?”

Hannah looked down, her breathe caught in her throat before she murmured. “I don’t know if I would say I have a problem… 

“Hannah,  you were arrested for DRUGS, illegal ones, bad ones, coke and heroin ——”

“I’ve only done H a handful of times —”

“I wish you could hear yourself. Most people never utter those words…. If this gets connected to Austin, it can make him an insurance liability. Which is BAD. And, honestly the publicity is a career killer for you too,  no director wants to hire a drug addict. So we need to contain this. And you need to sound contrite, apologetic, like you understand that all drugs are bad. Got it?” Hannah nodded again, accepting her role in this conversation: silent acquiescence. 

“Right, last question - you’re on a film right now?”

“Yeah, uh … we finished the Point Break final mix Friday, that’s why I was out last night… the delivery party is next Friday …” 

“You are one lucky girl.” Min put her coffee down, pointing at Hannah as she spoke. “You may actually get out of this with your reputation intact… if you do EXACTLY as I say. Rule one, no more dressing up like you’re auditioning for a Guns n’ Roses video. Think sleek, think simple, think modest. I want you to look like a PTA mom who is also an accountant. Got it?” 

Hannah mumbled how she hated Guns n’ Roses, but her chin bobbed up and down with assent. 

“Good. Ok, rule two, and hopefully this is obvious, but no more partying. I don’t care if you’re at the wrap party and Patrick Swayze offers you shots off his tight, perfect ass. You are now the paragon of sober, chaste behavior. I’m setting you up with an attorney, good one, Sheila, she specializes in these… sorts of…things… You need to prepare yourself. Sheila is going to tell you to start going to twelve step meetings, it will look good. She’ll ask for rehab in exchange for no jail time and a dismissal of charges.”

Hannah’s head fell into her hands, and her voice was shaking. “But I —“

“Possession of heroin, cocaine, unregistered guns, those are felonies here in California. Trust me babe, you don’t wanna fuck with prison. Rehab is the sensible choice, the choice that keeps this off your record, and then boom, clean slate…. ok, last rule: no more carbs.”

“Wait, why shouldn’t I eat carbs?”

“People always gain weight when they go to rehab, darling, and it would just make my life so much easier if you started saying no to carbs. And maybe yes to cigarettes? Now there’s a drug addiction I can get behind, keeps the appetite down, looks cool, might even help you get through all this.”

“Gee, thanks for the pep talk, Min, you make me feel horrible about myself.”

“Good, channel that when you think you want a doughnut. And smoke instead.”

Chewing sweet, glazed doughnuts in the passenger seat of her friend Robin’s car, Hannah let the gooey carbohydrates do their work comforting her as she prepared to call Austin. It was nighttime in London, and the cool, self control in his voice threw her off. Hannah could almost feel his abs tensing as he tightened up inward and put up a calm front. His timbre was steady, confident, unflappable. There was a slight British twinge to his voice, she could hear the Jagger in it, and he sounded like a bizarre version of himself. Hannah tried to lighten the mood, teasing him about his accent, but it was hard to combat every variation of his vague “the main thing is that you are ok, right Banana?”  It betrayed how worried he was. Guilty for making him worry, guilty for ruining their travel plans, Hannah explained how she wouldn’t be flying over in two weeks and didn’t know when they would see each other.

“I totally get it if you want to take a break…” Hannah offered.

“What, from us?” 

“Yeah,” she added, wiping her eyes, letting the word salad tossing around her mind tumble out. “I just… I … I’m a mess and its already been so long since we had sex and being with me is putting your career at risk, and I would never fuck with your money…. or your art … you are so talented …  and I fucked up and I just… I would understand —if you need a break from the drama… ”

Austin paused, her comment about his talent was unnerving, raw praise was not something Hannah did, it usually was hidden in back handed mockery or laced with sarcasm. Watching Hannah struggle to admit he was good at anything made it so charming when she did, that, in those moments, he actually felt like he deserved her approval. She was perpetually the same to him since they met: brutally honesty and never obsequious, no matter his success. Or hers, for that matter. Hannah’s authenticity drove his need to have her in his life. That, and the way her feisty stubbornness provoked a subconscious desire to conquer her, she was a challenge he would surmount, and he secretly longed to marry her, fill her with children and make her his forever. But Austin never really entertained those inclinations. He couldn’t explain how he felt that, and then was also turned on by how ambitious and smart and talented Hannah was. He loved mentally sparring with her, exchanging witty barbs with each other was like foreplay. Then also, he loved catching her at work at the end of the day, still editing a scene. Her eyes lit up, biting her lip in concentration as if she was solving a complex puzzle. Then there was the way she never expected or demanded anything, never took it for granted that he would pay for dinner, concert tickets or trips, had refused to move in with him. Her plucky, unassuming self-reliance made him want to take care of her even more and give her the life she’d never had. There were moments when Hannah let down her walls and became vulnerable, moments when she let herself be raw,  ask for help, or reach out to be touched, Austin lived for those moments. His favorite view of her was from between her legs, when she was completely naked, and his mouth was in her cunt, licking her, pleasing her, devouring her in ways she had always been wya too self conscious to let another man touch her. Austin lived to watch her face twist in tortured ecstasy as she writhed beneath him, moans begging him to continue, while her eyes betrayed her fear of the unbridled feelings she couldn’t control. It was sticking his tongue into a live current of lightening in the middle of velvet hurricane.

Austin had been in London  for a month and he ached for Hannah’s companionship. Work was a useful distraction, his days started on the set at 6 am, and then he was often not back to the hotel, often, before 8 or 9 pm, sometimes grabbing a bite with the other cast members or crew. He told himself he was glad not to have Hannah there, it wouldn’t have been fair to leave her all day six days a week, and then giving her the worst version of himself in the evenings, exhausted and just wanting to recover and recharge. Acting demanded so much intense work, that being alone on an overseas shoot made it easier to stay in character. Which was the part of his job he loved, the magic of subsuming himself in a character that wasn’t plain, boring Austin from Anaheim. 

Sundays were his only day off, and today, on this Sunday, listening to Hannah blabber on insecure and nice and completely vulnerable sparked something primal in Austin. He wanted to throw his phone down and run to Heathrow and fly too her immediately. He banged his hand on the table, frustrated at how stuck he was, and made a mental note to tell Min that money was no object for a lawyer or rehab or whatever else was needed to  to take care of Hannah right now. Ashley, he needed to call his sister Ashley and ask if she could drive to LA and help out as well. Making this mental list, Austin roused himself from his reverie and returned to their conversation.

“HAN - NAH,” Austin’s voice growled in a low, husky rumble through the phone receiver slowly and surely. “Stop…. sshhhhh…  baby…. you’re tired, you’re scared, it’s ok baby…. I get it… but….I. Love. You. Do you hear me Red? … I FUCKING BLOODY WELL LOVE YOU. I am not some sex crazed teen age boy. I’m a grown man. I’m not going to break up with you the day you get arrested for heroin because I need to fuck something… I would be there with you if I could, baby. It kills me that I can’t be there to take care of you -”

“But you shouldn’t have to take care of me, you should be with someone easier —”

“Banana! You were extremely easy …. that’s partly why I love you - you didn’t play hard to get, you opened up those legs the second I met you and then fucked me in an alley before you even knew my name —”

“That’s not what I meant. Plus, I knew your first name…  and I could tell you were an ok guy, I saw your soul in the bathroom that night … But that’s not the kind of easy I’m talking about… I meant uncomplicated… simple… easy to live with…”

“Nothing worth having is easy, Red … look… you’re the only one I want… I don’t want anyone else. I love you. I love your messy, big beautiful…. brain… those two heaving sides of your cerebellum, working up new insults to hurl at me… I honestly don’t know how you do it… I love your big, beautiful tits…” his voice was low, husky now, slowly as he relished the mental image of Hannah the last time they’d been naked in bed together. “I love your big, beautiful Banana butt, and I really really love your sweet, little, tight —”

“Austin stop! I’m at Robin’s house, she is sitting ten feet from me —”

 “MOUTH… what did you think I was gonna say? S’ides, she can’t hear what I am saying—“

“But she can see my reaction, even though she is on the couch, politely pretending to read a magazine and being very very cool about everything…”

“Wait, are you blushing? OH baby, you’re so fucKing cute when you blush…. Especially when your lips are around my—

“Austin!”

“Ok, ok. Look. I can’t help it, your voice is so sexy its distracting me… Look, I’m fine. I’m so busy with work, its probably good you aren’t flying to London, because we’re doing twelve hour shoots.  I’ll just come home after we wrap, I need a break, you do too, so its good we aren’t gonna travel around Europe all summer. I need to recover….  I’ll be home in August, and until then, it’ll be just like any other long distance thing, and we’ll be fine. We’re already pretty banging at phone sex…  and you can use all that free time in rehab to write me dirty love letters —”

A loud guffaw escaped from Hannah’s rough, cried-out throat.

“Oh baby, I love it when you snort. Loudly.”

“Shut up, Austin, you really are a dirty, little pervert. I swear, I can hear your hard on…. I can just tell from your goofy voice… how can snorting turn you on?”

“The world works in mystical ways, never question a hard on… just say thank you….”

Hannah chuckled, “I can’t decide if I want to punch you or make out…?’

“I wish we could do both, preferably, in that order… oh Banana, everything is gonna be ok. Maybe this is a good thing.”

Hannah paused. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Sighing, Austin looked up and let his eyes wander, unfocus, following the rectangles of light bouncing off the crystal chandelier in his hotel room. He wondered if Hannah would be in this trouble if he had just been man enough to confront her before he left LA last month. If he really wallowed in self pity, his guilt spiraled back to their first break up, when he cheated on her. Because after getting back together, the biggest change he observed was Hannah’s new daily coke habit. It was a drug she used to hate it, and now she did it first thing in the morning. One evening before he left for England, SJP had cornered Austin at the Viper Room and confided that she was pretty sure Bob and Hannah were doing heroin with Johnny Depp, Winona Ryder and River Phoenix in the club’s back office. That Hannah had started experimenting with smack in Venice with Bob, behind her back. Austin had told her she was being paranoid, they were doing blow, like everyone else. Sure, Hannah enjoyed blow, maybe too much, but then again, coke was everywhere, e was everywhere, and everyone was doing it, including them. But heroin? No. Hannah was no junkie, she had no track marks, wasn’t passing out, or missing work, or stealing things. She was just going through a party girl phase, needed to let off steam now that she was getting better jobs, and needed to get it out of her system and find her rhythm.  Now, after the arrest, he wasn’t so sure, and the prospect of Hannah being locked away in a rehab, getting rest, forced off drugs, was actually a salve comforting the overwhelming sense of powerlessness and fear running through him because he was so far away. 

“Banana... I’m just saying maybe some rest and relaxation will be good….”

May 17, 1991

Hannah tried to be good while her lawyer, Sheila, sorted out her case. She wore boring clothes. She clenched her fist and powered through the week totally clean until the Point Break wrap party, when she looked down to find herself sipping on a beer and couldn’t even remember picking it up. Fuck it, its just one, you deserve it with the week you’ve had. Three beers and two shots of tequila later Hannah was smoking a joint out back with a mix of actors and crew, including Keanu Reeves, Lori Petty and others. The night went on, the atmosphere was giddy with the thrill of completing such a large-scale action movie and Hannah chased her warm buzz into a drunken fuck-it cyclone. Staggering toward her car, wondering if she should drive, she was rescued from indecision by a bounding Keanu running into her, long hair flapping behind him as he grabbed her hand and pulled her towards a group heading to Sunset in a limo. Hannah couldn’t see straight leaving the The Standard at 2:30 a.m., and found herself sharing a cab alone with Keanu, and his hands, one of which found its way to her knee, a glint sparkling in his eyes, his brows arched in a question.  In that moment, the sheer flattery of his proposition sent a of flock butterflies fluttering through Hannah’s belly, and she looked up at Keanu’s rugged jawline through blurry eyes, focusing her eyes on the rough stubble calling out for her fingers, imagining how sweet it would be to look up at him as he fucked her softly, slowly, tenderly. No one would know. She felt like she was dancing above a ravine, daring herself to tumble in to her own demise. Hearing his velvety, warm voice, Hannah almost propelled herself forward.

“You know, Rosenfeld, you’re the cutest editor I’ve ever met…”

Hannah let out a sardonic, “ha,” taking a deep breath. It took all her will power to remove Keanu’s hand from her knee. 

“Not sure if that’s a compliment… most editors are gross, nerdy, old white dudes… kinda low bar there, K-Rock… but, thanks anyway… it’s just … I have a boyfriend…”

“Still with Austin?”

She nodded, leaving with a hug before wobbling out of the cab and into Robin’s house. The base of her head was still throbbing Monday morning when Austin’s sister, Ashley, showed up to take her to lunch and help her get ready for rehab.

August 17, 1991

Golden Key Treatment Center, Half Moon Bay, CA

Hannah stood in front of the mirror, tee shirt lifted up, moving her hand over her belly and hips, stopping at the top of her grey sweatpants and snapping the elastic in frustration.

“Ughhh, I think I’ve gained 10 pounds since I got here… what the fuck can I possibly wear tomorrow?” She whined to her roommate Sonal, who looked up as she flipped through Cosmo. 

“Shut up Hannah, you look healthy, I would kill for your tits…..”

Hannah shifted from side to side. “And I would kill to be 18 again, like you, with your stupid metabolism and great genes … you could be a model… I would hate you if you weren’t the only other sane person here… but you need to tell your mom tomorrow, no more bringing tubs of Indian food for us to eat at family visitation …  Ok, from now on, every time I want to eat, I’m gonna smoke… coming? ” Hannah slipped on her birks and grabbed her pack of Parliament methols. Sonal followed her downstairs and outside to the ring of metal chairs and benches in the designated smoking area. Golden Key was like a jail mixed with a posh psych ward housed in a Mediterranean style villa overlooking the Pacific Ocean above levels of manicured gardens punctuated with fountains, a pool and tennis courts. The most comfortable smoking section was a deck off to one side of the lobby at the entrance, hidden from the drive by a line of tall evergreen shrubbery, but convenient for those stressful moments Sundays during family time visiting with guests in the main building. 

Today, Hannah and Sonal were alone on their walk through the grounds. Saturdays were the only day patients could get a day pass to leave campus with a buddy or approved guest. It was also one of two days they got to sleep in, and Hannah and Sonal had conspired to stay in, eat cookie dough and veg out watching television, for once not having to compromise with others on what they watched in the common room. Hannah had regressed back to habits from her freshman year at UCLA, spending the day in pajamas without make up, smoking menthols and watching TV.

Sonal exhaled her cigarette, “How long did you say it’s been since you saw your boyfriend?”

“Early April… it’s been over four months ago… he’s probably boarding his flight right now … today’s actually his birthday, but he couldn’t get over until tomorrow…  I’ve been trying to think where we can sneak off during visitation tomorrow … though he probably won’t want to fuck me when he sees how fat and boring I’ve become here… ”

“Hannah… if its been four months, he won’t care what you look like. Why was he in London again?” 

Hannah bit her lip, “Yeah,  he, uh … his company transferred him, but he’s—”

Standing, Sonal looked through the shrubs out toward the circular driveway. “Shhh, Hannah, a black convertible just pulled up front, it looks expensive… ”

Hannah bounced up, moving to peep around the shrubs. “That’s a Lamborghini….” she murmured, watching a tall white guy with shoulder length blonde hair covering his face grab a bouquet of roses and step out of the car. A shot of electricity went through her stomach as she realized who it was, and, stabbing out her cigarette butt she became a woman possessed. She scurried around the deck’s stone balustrade columns and ran down the steps towards the car, the flop of her sandals falling off didn’t phase her. The force of her body knocked Austin back onto the hood of the car as she jumped onto him, legs around his waist, a high pitched squeal escaping her mouth before it smashed against his lips.

“Hey Red…happy to see me?” Austin looked up, through a sly grin in-between kisses, blue eyes bright and twinkling at Hannah. She slide off him, panting and giggling, then realizing she was barefoot in sweatpants, she punched Austin in the shoulder. 

“Asshole - I did not want to look like like this the first time you saw me…..I fucking hate you!”

Austin smirked as he rubbed his mouth, raw from Hannah’s assault on it, his hands were now on her waist as he pulled her back into his embrace. “Shut up, you look fucking hot… I might have to ravish you right here on my new car…”

“NOPE…. I know how much you like public sex… ugh, actors… consistently looking for an audience… well, the joke’s on you, babe… now you have to wait for me to shower and get some clothes on.”

“What’s the point when I’m going spend the rest of the night tryin to get them off…?”

“Hmm, we’ll see if you have a chance with that British accent… where’s the man I said goodbye to in March? Did you leave my boyfriend back in London?”

“Yeah… I … uh…” Austin ran his hand through his long hair, pushing it behind his ear, embarrassed. “I’m working on that… I’ve been speaking like Mick Jagger for almost six months… longer if you count the dialogue coach I started with last fall… at this point…  I don’t even know what my real voice sounds like, I mean, this feels like my real voice… certain things trigger it and other times as well it’s, I don’t know… I can’t help it, its like a part of the fiber of my being… fuck, that sounds stupid, doesn’t it?”

Hannah caressed the side of his mouth, noticing how tired he looked. “No, it doesn’t sound stupid… that’s the nature of being an empty vessel… a beautiful, tall, sexy empty vessel… sometimes it takes a while for the contents to drain out, right?” She pulled Austin’s neck forward, and stood on her toes to kiss his check. “I love you Austin Jagler…” 

A kiss to his other cheek, and Austin’s face melted into a lusty haze, beaming down on her with a broad, affectionate grin. Her witty barbs and insults were an aphrodisiac. Hannah could have asked him to drive his brand new Lamborghini into the ocean and he would have. Just watching Hannah’s boobs bounce up and down (had they gotten bigger since April?) as she ran toward him without a bra on, her hair bobbing out of a messy bun, shoes falling off as she pummeled him on to his new car, tits first, smooshing him down under a mountain of soft, billowy breasts, and he was transfixed. Knocked down, figuratively and literally, He could have stayed there, on the Lamborghini’s hood, fully clothed, watching her hover above him, the outline of her nipples visible through her shirt, and he would have been content for hours. Although now that she had steadied herself, and was once again demeaning, insecure, doting and violent all at once as she slapped him, called him an empty vessel and told him she loved him, he was even more bewitched then ever. 

“Austin?” Hannah snapped her fingers in his face. “You must really be jet lagged… I said, you have to fill out some forms inside while I change, I’ll be real quick.”

An hour later, Austin’s left hand was pushing up the hem of Hannah’s knee length yellow and green flowered dress, finding its way to rest on her knee, slowing moving up higher, his left hand steering them out of the Golden Key’s gates and down the hill towards the coast. She leaned on his shoulder, and he kissed the top of her hair, lifting his arm to pull her in closer.

“You are such a bastard, showing up a day early … you’re lucky you’re so pretty… and that it’s your birthday…. and that I missed you …” she said, her voice becoming breathy, low, and Austin gasped at the way her hand moved to caress the top of his inner thigh. She chuckled as his cock twitched and he reached down to remove her hand.

“Mmmhmmm… you’re gonna make me crash, baby… I only just landed in San Francisco this morning, and this is a new car, and I’m not used to this windy road … so, where are we going?”

“You bought this car this morning on your way here?”

“No, Alex picked it up for me and drove it to meet me at the plane.”

“Fucking movie stars … don’t even buy your own cars… making your assistant drive nine hours from LA with a shiny new toy instead of just renting a car like a normal person… pathetic… “ Austin grinned, eyes remaining forward on the road, it made him feel powerful to hear Hannah recount his extravagance through mockery, the way her eyes widened told him she was secretly impressed.

“Ugh, Half Moon Bay is really a one horse town… there’s a fisherman’s wharf touristy area, some beaches, a square with a few shops… I just have to be back by 9, and, um, we’re not supposed to leave the town…”

“Right, but how would they know?”

“I would know… I um… I’m really trying to do this … I want to graduate sooner rather than later…”

“Graduate?”

“Yeah, remember? I wrote about it, in one of my very long, dumb rambly letters … it’s stupid, but the program length is variable here, three months to a year, based on how long it takes to complete their ‘three phases’ and ‘graduate’ from the program…”

“What phase are you on?”

“Two… I have a sponsor in NA and I’m plugging along … rah rah rah…”

“That’s good, though, I mean… right?”

Hannah squinted, looking ahead of her, and then looked down, fidgeting with her dress. “Yes.” Her voice was low, sincere. “Yes. I’m glad I’m here. I wasn’t at first….. but now I’ve been here for two months and… I … I have been able to admit that ….. the drugs were a problem for me… and… I don’t want to do them anymore … I want to be free… is that the lamest thing ever? Don’t worry, they haven’t totally brainwashed me … I’m still a devout atheist… I still like sex and rock ’n roll …but, I um… look…. we should talk tonight I guess, because if you need a girlfriend who you can get fucked up with and share that party lifestyle with I totally get it…but being clean, for me, means no booze… no recreational e and dancing at parties in the desert…”

Austin’s face grew pensive, and he drew Hannah in tighter, planting a long kiss again on the top of her head. “Shut up with that… First, we did that once because YOU wanted to… raves are not exactly my scene… and Second, You’re my girl, ok? I’m gonna take care of you. I want to….And, uh…I’m like, really proud of you, Hannah Banana, I really am… so let’s figure out more pressing issues… like,it’s 1:30, I gotta get you back by 9… that doesn’t give us much time, we should probably go straight to my hotel…”

Hannah guffawed, “Not even gonna buy me dinner first, huh?” 

Austin’s heart swelled and he felt himself harden more, Hannah’s teasing lilt made the hair on the back of his neck stand up, and he rubbed her knee. “Don’t worry, I’ll think of something to feed you,” he tried to play it straight, looking ahead, but unable to stop his deep chuckles as Hannah playfully slapped him. “I meant to talk…” he laughed,  “like we should just go to my hotel, so we have somewhere private to talk… we have a lot to talk about… we don’t even have to have sex today… or even go to the super deluxe suite I got with a big, comfy king bed … we can just hang out on the hotel grounds, the lobby is nice, there’s like a path along some cliffs and an outdoor fire place, there’s a golf course somewhere…”

Hannah hummed, her hand sliding around his waist, “Ok, yeah, you know how much I love golf …” 

“What the fuck, Austin…  the Ritz? I didn’t even know this was here, leave it to you to find the most overpriced poncy, rich asshole place to stay.” Hannah exclaimed, as Austin led her through the lobby of the Half Moon Bay Ritz Carlton. He shrugged, walking towards the outdoor bar where a fire was indeed roaring from a large, stone pit, and you could see the Pacific Ocean churning beyond green cliffs. Hannah shook her head, and pulled him to her, standing on her toes to whisper into his ear, “I need to use the bathroom, can we go to room?” Her teeth grazing the bottom of Austin’s earlobe, and she grinned as his eye brows lifted and he nodded his chin, tapping his hand over his thigh during the elevator ride up. 

Looking at herself in the bathroom mirror, Hannah’s confidence faded a bit, she pulled on the waddle that had expanded under her chin, and pushed it back to up, looking at herself with both hands pulling back the excess skin around her face. Stupid fucking cow, you were almost a size 8… now you can barely get into your size 12 clothes… But Hannah’s confidence surged back when she came out to find the eager, almost innocent look of awe in Austin’s eyes glued to her from the couch where he was untying his oxfords,  camel hair jacket already off. He jumped up and sauntered over, pushing his long hair to the side. She shivered at his hands closing in around her waist, savoring how the back of his index finger lightly feathered up and down her sides. His blue eyes were dark and half lidded with lust above a dopey smile. 

“Hey…” his voice was husky, slow, and Hannah’s pulse quickened, quivering at his touch, the fire building in her core swelled and her chin jolted down, embarrassed of how intense her desire felt. Her breath was uneven, nervous, and Austin’s right hand moved to her soothe her cheek, cupping it and turning it towards him.

“Hey… is this ok? You ok?” Hannah nodded, her fingers moving to play and tug at the belt loops on his hips, pushing into him. Now both of Austin’s hands were cupping her face, thumbs gliding over the tops of her cheeks, his lips soft on hers, then pausing to swallow anxiously. Her eyes widened, as she nuzzled the tip of his nose, and his head bent down, the warmth from his forehead meeting hers, eyes squeezed shut, shuddering as he mumbled, “Oh god baby, sweet baby, I missed you so much… so… so much….” 

A warm tingling pricked at the sides of Hannah’s eyes, she thought she might cry, but she kept it at bay, nodded, her hands tightening around him as his nose grazed her cheek and his lips were on her earlobe, then kissing the nape of her neck softly.  He drew her closer to him, taking her left hand in his right palm to sway  around the room, half speaking/half singing the lyrics to the song “Lady in Red” softly in her ear. Austin’s slow, gravelly, semi-British inflection pulled her in and she followed his lead, moving in harmony, their bodies softening and relaxing as they remembered how they fit together. 

I've never seen you looking so gorgeous as you do tonight…

I've never seen you shine so bright

You’re amazing

I've never seen so many people want to be there by your side

And when you turned to me and smiled

It took my breath away

And I have never had such a feeling

Such a feeling of complete and utter love

As I do tonight

The lady in red is dancing with me

Cheek to cheek

There's nobody here

It's just you and me

It's where I want to be

Well, I hardly know this beauty by my side

I'll never forget the way you look tonight

Austin’s voice cracked, and Hannah heard it and felt it, with her head was resting on his chest. It sent a wave of electricity up her belly. Austin paused by the window, smoothing her hair, his fingers trailing down her back.

“I love you, Red, forever and always..,”

“I love you too, Austin, always and forever.” He gripped her closer as he felt her voice reverberating through his chest. 

Austin pulled back to look into Hannah’s big brown eyes, wide and vulnerable, her pupils blown with longing, and he answered it with a kiss, stroked her back with his thumb. The kisses became deeper, his mouth enclosing her upper lip, softly, then pulling on it, before their tongues collided, each beckoning the other to consume them completely. Hannah fingers worked their way down the buttons of his black, flower patterned dress shirt, slowly, biting her lip as it finally fell to the floor and her hands moved, shakily, over his smooth, firm skin.  Austin grabbed her right hand, kissing the back of her palm. Her other hand brushed a lock of his long hair out of his eyes, tucking it behind his ear.

“I like the long hair, by the way… you look like a handsome, rock star surfer.” Hannah whispered, grasping a handful and pushing it behind his right ear. 

“Thanks…” Austin muttered distractedly as he pulled at her dress, exhaling with awe as he slowly raised it up over her head, shaking his head and popping his lips at the sight of Hannah’s heaving pale breasts. He bent down in reverence to kiss the line of freckles above them, grinning like a school boy at the sound of his fingers successfully pulling off the last hook of her bra clasp. Now his hands were moving slowly down her back, playing with the elastic of her panties as his lips forged a trail from her décolletage to her mouth. Feeling her tense, he looked down to see Hannah sucking in her stomach, using her arms to cover the slope of her belly and hips, and he stepped back, as if reading her mind, he pulled her hands away so her could admire her whole figure.

“You’re gorgeous, Red… really… I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.”

Hannah rolled her eyes, “Stop…”

“No, really…” Austin lowered himself on his quads to grab Hannah by her ass cheeks, lifting her up and carrying her under her knees and back over to the bed, then laying her down gently. Hovering over her, Austin’s eyes smoldered. “I need to tell you something baby…. you look better, you look healthy, you look like you did when we met… this is how your body is supposed to look…” his hand stroked the roundness of her hips, grabbing and rolling her soft, supple flesh, as he leaned in to kiss Hannah’s shoulder, smirking as she whimpered in response to the soft touch of his fingers tracing a line up her belly to her breasts to flick her nipple. A bolt of lightening ran down Hannah’s spine and sparked at her core, a fire building as Austin mumbled on, the arousal in his voice shuddering through. “These curves just kill me… I’ve seen you naked hundreds of times now, and every time it’s still …. a fucking revelation, I just want to sink in, explore every contour, feel every bounce, taste every inch of you…” as he said this, Austin pushed himself lower, until he was on his knees at the base of the bed, looking into Hannah’s eyes as he slowly slide her panties off, eyebrow arched in a question, then hastening to rip them off once Hannah nodded her chin in assent. Austin dragged her legs towards him until they were over his shoulder and Hannah’s rosy pink pussy met his face with a wet slap at the edge of the bed. He held her still when she twitched, responding to the intense flick of his tongue over the center her clit. Austin spoke into Hannah’s sex, his hands soothing the top of her thighs.

“Shhhh… s’ok… don’t worry, I’m not gonna hurt you baby…”

“Mhmmmm I know, I’m ok,” Hannah’s eyes met Austin’s, looking up at her between her legs. “ I just… I don’t think I’ve ever done this sober, not really, not like this where I’ve been clean for months…”

Austin leaned forward to lav at Hannah’s core, maintaining eye contact, and then pausing to rub her clit with his thumb, savoring the pitter patter of his finger against her slick flesh. 

“I’m into it, I want to see you, the real you, I can’t wait to watch you come undone, unfiltered, knowing that I am making you feel pleasure, and not some chemicals…” 

Throwing her head back, Hannah cried out when Austin returned his tongue to her nub, her fingers seizing the duvet cover to steady her through the intense waves of pleasure washing over her as the tip of his tongue rolled on her, up and down in a syncopated trance, then shifting to circle around her core, bringing his thumb to messaged her entrance and gently open it up, his tongue back home on her clit, fingers gliding inside her, calling out to her center as his rhythm intensified, responding to the thrust of Hannah’s hips now fucking into his mouth was she chased the sensation building in her belly until she screamed out a refrain of “oh gods,” her face contorting in agony through her release, hips bucking slowly as the waves crashed outward and the heat of her orgasm rippled out across her body. The sparks flew up through her nose and tingled down to the skin at the base of her feet.

“Oh god Austin… I FUCKING love you…” she cried out, her head flinging back as she panted. Austin grinned up at her, his thumb riding her through her climax over her clit, before she pulled him off by his wrist, unable to take the over stimulation. Hannah perched up on her elbows and caught her breathe, her fingers aimlessly twirliing Austin’s long hair. He smirked a self-satisfied smirk, wiping his mouth on the duvet, then lifting himself up effortlessly from his shins.

Hannah admired his bare abs, rising in a V shape to broad, muscular hard shoulders, he spoke while looking down to unbuckle his pants. “I honestly don’t know how long I’ll last today baby…. It’s been a while… unless you count jerking off to the sound of your voice…” Still panting, Hannah’s mouth turned into a bright gleam, and she sat up, making him trip over the edge of the bed as she pulled him down toward her, kicking off the last leg of his trousers and jostling to land over her with a burst of laughter. Pushing the blonde hair out of his face, Hannah looked up into his eyes with an affectionate grin, the reverence she found there made her gasp.

“I still can’t get over the fact that you’re really here with me, that it’s really you,” she whispered, pinching his arm. “I’m afraid any moment I’m going to wake up in my bed at GK and this will all be some sort of wet dream.”

Austin leaned in, meeting his lips with hers, his tip grazing her entrance as he met her eyes. 

“If this is a dream, I don’t wanna wake up, I just wanna be here with you.” He started to push into her, slowly, grunting low as a he watched Hannah’s eyes widen and her breath hitch in her throat with a gasp, exhaling through the snug fit of her cunt and the way she involuntary clenched around him.

“Hey, you ok?” His eyes darted up to search hers.

“Mhmmmmm…uh huh…” she answered, moaning out, “I just… may be out of practice…”

“S’ok…” Austin slowly thrust out, and then, rocking back into her, he grabbed her hips and swiveled onto his back so that Hannah was now on top. “Take the wheel, baby, let’s go at your pace.” 

Pausing to reposition her knees on either side of his hips, Hannah pushed her hands onto his chest to steady herself, her breath sharp as she lifted off of him and then slid back down, a glint in her eyes. 

“I like ... uhhhh… how I tell you… I’m …ummff….. out of practice and… ahhhhh…. out of shape and that I don’t know what I’m doing…. And …o f fuck…..you put me in charge…” She grunted, her voice was playful as she began to bob up and down on Austin’s cock, biting her lips as she found the angle that made a spark jolting up through her core with each forward movement.

“Oh god, fuck I missed you so much….” Austin groaned, his hands digging into her hips as she rode him deeper and he rose to meet each thrust, his hands tightening to slow her down. “Whoo, wait, hold on…” Hannah paused, as Austin pushed himself up, his legs folding under her as he pulled her knees up on either side of him.  Hannah felt his cock push deeper, as she met his body, straddling him at eye level as he wrapped his arms around her waist, and she lowered her legs on either side of his, her arms now hooked around his shoulders. Their bodies were twisted together upright in an embrace as Hannah began to grind against Austin slowly in lotus position, feeling his length glide up and down within her, the muscles in his arms tensing as they moved with her hips to support each push up and down. Face-to-face in the middle of the bed, their mouths hovered across from each other as they gazed into each other’s eyes. Austin’s breath synced with Hannah’s and she grasped the back of his neck, twirling his hair into a rope away from his face as she kissed him deeply, passionately, heaving back and forth as her pussy opened up further for him with each thrust. 

“I missed you too…” Hannah murmured between low gasps, her hips dipping up and down deliberately, a loud moan escaping her mouth.

Austin’s fingers drew her in closer. “Let’s just live here in this bed and… never… uhhhh … leave… ok?”  Amused, Hannah nodded, as Austin pulled her in for another kiss, his lips wet, tongue furtive, bodies pressed tightly together, Austin savored the swell of Hannah’s breasts against his heart as they fucked into each other in a slow, soulful rhythm. Austin’s hands began to move Hannah’s hips more energetically.

“I love you… Hannah Banana”

“I love you too pretty boy…” her fingers slide down to his chest and began to tweak his nipples, and Hannah bit her lip as his blue eyes met hers with an intense heat, plunging down onto him, hips rippling as he worked them with her and she felt a tension building in her core. “Fuck Austin, I think I’m gonna cum again…”

He bit his lip, nodding his forehead against hers. “Hey, that’s my girl… just relax… don’t fight it…. Uhhhh god….you feel so soft when you cum…  ride me through it… FUCK I fucking love you….”

Letting loose Hannah cried out, trembling as she continued to rock back and forth over Austin until he jerked harder up into her, his abdomen tightening, her name on his lips as he convulsed and exploded deep inside her. 

“Oh god...” Austin muttered, his brow bending into hers as he stilled her hips and Hannah pushed down, squeezing her arms around him until they fell sideways. She landed on his chest as they exhaled, a heaving pile of spent limbs. 

The sun set over the ocean, and Hannah and Austin spent the rest of the afternoon in bed, crawling to the phone to order room service, sitting on the bed lazily drinking Pellegrino and feeding each other French fries, finding new ways for their bodies to fit together when splayed across each other. Austin murmured in her ear how he wanted Hannah to move in with him when she graduated, and she nodded, all the pride and snark and insecure stubbornness fucked out of her. 

“Ok. If you mean it.”

“Let me take care of you Hannah.”

“We can take care of each other, ok? I’m not some helpless patient… I’m just… trying to get better… but… I am so, so SO grateful, lucky? For your support… it makes it so much easier to be here now that I an escape with you….” She answered, and he kissed her forehead.

“You’re right… we take care of each other… and I’ll be back next weekend, cuz I need you…. Being here with you, it’s like you fill up this empty, Hannah shaped hole in my life….”

She giggled, and slapped his shoulder. “I feel like you fill up an empty Austin-shaped hole deep inside me…”

Austin rolled his eyes. “I meant figuratively… like a part of my soul is incomplete without you.”

Hannah turned to look at him, as he spooned her from behind, their eyes met and Hannah waggled her eyebrows, leaning up to kiss Austin’s lips and then moving around so that they were once again tangled in an embrace, kissing deeply as their bodies softly heaved into one another, and before he knew it, Austin was above Hannah again, hard, looking for her nod as he spread her legs and guided himself into her once more.

“Oh gawd, baby, when I’m inside you I just feel like I’m home….” 

Hannah’s big brown eyes, widened, a deep laugh burst out of her throat, followed by the sharp gasp she exhaled as Austin’s cock lunged into her. 

“Austin, that is so corny, that’s like the Hallmark card for vaginas… CUM home Austin…”

“Shhh, Hannah…ughhhh” he smiled down at her, hovering above as he continued to thrust into her. “Don’t ruin the romantic mood——”

“Ok..baby… you’re right…. It’s so… ughhhh.. romantic when you tell me how my pussy is like …ahhh” their conversation was punctuated by groans of pleasure. “House….”

“Like home, like it is so comforting to be inside a familiar pussy, a homey pussy…ughhhh”

She laughed and shook her head, and then gripped his sides as Austin began to pump into her harder, and Hannah could no longer form full sentences, her whole body buzzed from the electricity generated by each pound against her g spot. Within a few more minutes, she was coming unraveled, and Austen soon followed.

Dozing off in a post coital nap, it was 8:15 when Hannah eventually rose and began to dress, looking over her shoulder with a heavy heart. Austin followed, hand through his hair, retrieving his own clothes and dropping her back at her rehab with the promise that he would be at family visitation the next day. Before she got out of the car, Hannah handed him a small jewelry box with a bow wrapped around it.

“Happy birthday, pretty boy…”

He opened the box, finding a cassette tape labeled with Hannah’s handwriting, Songs that Make Me Think of You. 

“ I was planning to give it to you tomorrow… there are no cool shops in Half Moon Bay… and you have so much money and stupid things anyway…. so I thought I’d make you something… there some Cure, REM, Pixies, Elvis Costello…. some love songs… ugh, it’s stupid… I mean, you just bought yourself a Lamborghini…”

Austin grinned, shaking his head, as he cupped her face and drew her to him. “Shut up. This is perfect because you made it for me… I can’t wait to listen to it…”

Mid August though Mid September, 1991

The next few weekends would follow much the same, as Austin drove up from LA to visit and September came to call, bringing with it a cooler bite to the coastal California sea air. The mood at rehab changed perceptibly, and Hannah waltzed through her days on a pink cloud, scribbling daily journal entries, speaking openly and positively in groups, meetings, sessions with her counselor and her NA sponsor. As she started to make plans to move home, phrase three was in her sights, all she had to do was connect with a temporary NA sponsor in LA and set up a meeting, and she could start planning to graduate the first week of October. 

It was a balmy, early Tuesday morning when Hannah bounded down the staircase from her dorms to the foyer, whistling REM’s “Shiny Happy People,” when a note stuck in her throat at the sight of Min waiting for her on a bench. Austin had been up to visit the previous weekend, and had said nothing about his publicist visiting her before he departed Sunday. She started to open her mouth, and Min motioned for her to follow as she led Hannah back to what was usually her counselor’s office.

“James, is it? Said I could use his office.” Hannah nodded, and watched with horror as Min unfurled several tabloids in front of Hannah with the previous days’ date on them. There, on the front, were photos of her and Austin: kissing, walking, holding hands, at the hotel and then saying goodbye at the front of the Golden Key’s main building. The headline read “Butler’s Romance with Downey’s Junkie Jailbird.”

“Fuckkkk… what the fuck Min?”

“Someone tipped off the paparazzi. Either someone who saw you at the hotel, or walking around this charming institution. Doesn’t matter who, at this point, it’s out there. And they have the whole story, your name, the details of the arrest, everything.”

Hannah gulped, flipping through the pages and gasping in horror as she found the double-page spread with photos someone had taken driving by the arrest with her and Downey, next to her mug shot and a photo of her and Austin walking down the red carpet at US premiere of his last film, David Lynch’s Crazy at Heart. Min straightened her glasses, her deep Black skin somehow radiant even first thing in the morning, when Hannah imagined she must have woken up very early in order to drive or fly up from LA.

“Austin doesn’t know I’m here. And I think we both know that boy is like a Labrador retriever. He will not do the smart thing, he will be loyal, he will not break up with you. But he must. You are a liability to his career. I cannot stress that enough. I’m sorry, I have to say it as it is. Bob is not getting any offers, and he was nominated for an Oscar, because he can not get insurance coverage until he finishes treatment and stays out of trouble for at least a year, I not more. His career may very well be over…  I begged Austin, BEGGED him, not to have you walk down the carpet last year, to keep his private life private, but did he listen? No. And I, foolishly, didn’t put my foot down, because it didn’t really matter, did it? Who cares if an actor dates a random normal person, it’s not as fun to read about as two celebrities dating, so the gossip mongers have pretty much left you two alone. No one ever saw this photo from then red carpet before, it was all they cared about were pictures of him with Laura Dern or Lynch. Even with the arrest, all eyes were on Downey. You were literally cut out of the photos so the papers could get a better close up framing Downer with the cops. And with your plea deal, we managed to keep you under the radar. But now, the only way to make this go away is to stop providing them fodder and distract them with something new.”

Hannah met Min’s eyes, confused, as she sat down, and Min followed suit, perching on the edge of the chair across from Hannah.

“Just tell me what to do. Like a statement that we aren’t involved.”

“What? Actually comment on this? God no. No. It just needs to stop. You need to break it off, and then I will  set him up with some very public dates. Maybe with some of his costars from Jagger, like Halle Berry, Rosie Perez, Christie Brinkley, they played his main love interests….” Hannah nodded, and then Min reached over and put her hand over Hannah’s and squeezed it. “You know, Hannah, if you want to be truly happy, though, you should just pull off the band aid and really break up with him today. While you’re in here, safe from temptation, and cared for, where you can heal. Actors should date other famous people, who know what this lifestyle is. This thing, its never going to work long term. Look at you, dear, are you better or worse off after doing this tango with Austin on and off for four years? Dating someone famous, its extremely difficult….  its like a swan dating a rat, he should be with another swan…”

Hannah pulled her hand back, brow furrowed.

“So I’m a rat now?”

Min breathed deeply.

“I was trying to emphasize difference. He’s above-the-line talent, you’re below-the-line crew. He grew up with money, you didn’t and you are always going to worry whether you are enough, no matter what he says, or how much you trust him. You and Austin different species, that’s all I’m saying. If you are honest with yourself, you already know in your heart I’m right.” Min patted her own heart. “Look, you can do whatever you want. But dear, no one was interested in a story about a young woman going to rehab after getting arrested, not until they saw Austin up here, then someone told the paps and they started poking around. You need to look out for yourself. What is going to happen to you? And your career? If you stay together, I guarantee this is not the last time you’ll be in the tabloids. It’s the first. Of many. Either way, you need to convince him to stop coming up here to visit. To have public dates with a few famous women. The paps will loose interest and it will all blow over….. Unless you keep adding fuel to the fire. If this stops, you may still be able to salvage your reputation, there will be people who didn’t read this tabloid. But if the coverage continues, week after week as he visits, or when you come back, or if you relapse… at some point, things that normal people get to keep private will come out, and it’s possible Variety or the LA Times will do a story on you guys.”

Hannah nodded, starting at her fingers in concentration. She knew what she had to do.

October 15, 1991

The drive back down to Los Angeles was long, and Avi was silent, giving his daughter the room she needed to be with her thoughts as she mentally prepared for her new life, her clean life, life after rehab. Hannah sighed. Ugh, its worse than being 18…. I’m a single, unemployed 28 year old loser. She pulled in one of Austin’s hoodies she had kept after a visit, wallowing in the melancholy that washed over her. 

Austin had become irate when she broke up with him over the phone in her counselor’s office the day Min visited her three weeks ago…

“Are you fucking serious? Because of some tabloid bull shit? You know I don’t care. Fame doesn’t fucking interest me, I just want to be with you, work with great people and make art. ”

“But, Austin, being famous gives you the profile do that  —“

“Sure, but so you take the good with the bad. You know that, you grew up in this business.”

“And look at how fucked up I am. Plus, its not like the paparazzi chase after editors, Austin, that is definitely a bonus from dating you …”

“You think I like them? Those people are parasites… they are the SCUM of the earth, I cannot believe you are letting them control your life—”

“Austin, I am not LETTING them do anything, I am just trying to live life on life’s terms, one day at a day—“

“Don’t you dare start throwing those AA cliches at ME, Hannah. At least be real. We love each other. Nothing else matters. You’re just hurt and scared and you’re reacting like a baby…”

“NA cliches, please, if you are gonna insult me at least be accurate… look it doesn’t matter….  You re not being fair… I AM trying to be real. You know what’s real? I don’t have a job lined up. In this business, you are only as good as your next job, and this type of stuff might make it impossible—”

“So what? You don’t need a job, Just come live with me. I’ll take care of you …”

“Do you know how demoralizing it is for you to talk to me like that? As if I haven’t been working like a dog for the last seven years to get where I am? Let alone how bad just sitting around your house waiting for you to come home and fuck me would be for my recovery? The tabloids, the paparazzi, they aren’t the problem. They’re a symptom of the real problem, which is how incompatible we are. You’re a swan, and I am a rat, we are defying the laws of nature—”

Austin growled. “Are you high right now? They should give you a drug test. You sound ridiculous. I literally don’t even know what that means with the swan and the rat. Ugh! You are being so stupid. You always do this, you get stuck on how I’m a ‘movie star,’ and then you blow it out of proportion because you are insecure and stubborn. Most woman would be overjoyed to have someone offer to support them while they figure out their shit. And work through this together.” 

“Austin, you don’t get it, and I can’t do this, we’re talking in circles… look, my sponsor told me not to date anyone for my first year sober, and I completely ignored her. But clearly I was wrong, because this whole thing is a trigger for me, you are a trigger. We have too much baggage, from before, from now. I love you, I love you so much…” tears started to well up in Hannah’s eyes, and her voice wavered. “But love isn’t enough and I have to put myself first.”

The sound of her sobs made Austin even angrier. “No. The answer is NO. I’m not letting you do this. We are not breaking up, you are being hysterical.” Her sobs got louder, and Austin sighed, running his hand through his hair and tried to calm down. He could almost see Hannah’s pale face becoming blotchy and red and wet as she cried. It was beautiful and ugly and he couldn’t bear it. “Oh Banana, look, you’re upset. We can’t have this conversation over the phone. I’m gonna get in my car and drive up right now.”

“NO! No, Austin, no, don’t come up here - they took those photos of you coming here, it might even be another resident here. Please, please, don’t come up.” She sniffed, wiping her eyes, breathing deeply to steady her voice. “Look, this isn’t up to you. You don’t get to let me do anything. It’s over. Do not come up here, do not call, do not try to see me. I’m taking you off the guest list. Can’t you understand? I need to do this for…. my recovery. I just need to be single and focus on staying clean.”

 “I canNOT fucking believe you are doing this, after everything. I have done nothing but support you getting sober. You can’t take me off the guest list, I PAID for that fucking rehab, did you know that? And now what do I get in return? Gratitude? NO. You’re fucking punishing me for staying with you. For getting ‘caught’ on camera being the good guy. Ugh!!!!” Austin had slammed down the phone and then paced the living room, punching the wall.  

Hannah collapsed on the desk sobbing, and when she calmed down and tried to look up, she would see the corny twelve step slogans framed on the wall and start crying again. Because part of her knew he was right, that it was unfair to use recovery as an excuse. But she was also convinced this was the best thing for both of them. Definitely for him. The fact that he had ended up paying for her rehab only solidified how wrong she was for him, how he deserved better. She’d had no idea, her lawyer Sheila had told her that her health insurance had covered it, but she had left all the details to Sheila. Who Austin had probably subsidized as well, once she started to think about it, realizing how little the legal invoice had been. She hadn’t even questioned that at the time. You’re a fucking idiot. And so is he, I wish he had kept his fucking money to himself and let me go to whatever shit hole the Motion Picture Health & Welfare insurance would have covered. 

Sitting n her father’s Honda, Hannah pulled the collar of Austin’s hoody tight, letting the faint smell of his cologne comfort her. The break up conversation felt so fresh it could have been yesterday instead of three weeks ago, probably because she replayed it over and over again in her head. The intervening days had gone by in a blur, going through the motions of putting on a brave face, finishing her phrase three preparations, doing whatever she had to do and saying whatever she had to say so she could leave. She’d have to be careful, she knew now that because Austin had paid for her stay, he probably knew he was out, and his house was only 15 minutes down the coast from her father’s mobile home community. That is the first thing, figure out a new place to live.

Avi gave her a soft, sweet look as he unloaded her luggage. “You look like you could use a cup of tea, Noodle. And perhaps a meeting.” Hannah smiled weakly, her heart breaking as she considered how much it probably hurt her father to see her like this, how worried he probably had been after the arrest. 

“Yeah pop.” She jumped out of the car, and took the other suitcases out of the trunk, following Avi into the trailer.

October 31, 1991

Playboy Mansion Halloween Party

The sound of the waterfall broke up the cocktail chatter as Austin felt the ice cube in his glass hit his teeth, the smooth whiskey warming his throat as he gulped it down. He pulled on his white silk tie, straightening it over his pink dress shirt. He ran his fingers through his long blonde hair, and looked over at Emilio chatting with a Latinx bunny in a cute Kelly green corset with matching bunny ears. He rolled his eyes as Emilio asked her flirty questions, using is had to wave  her over to him and pointing in his empty glass.

“Alma, is it? Keep ‘em coming, okay sweetheart?”

Emilio shook his head in mock disgust. They’d met on the set of Austin’s first movie in 1988,  he’d played a the main villain, a frat boy that Estevez’s character was investigating for murder. The Playboy Mansion wasn’t really Austin’s scene, but Emilio and Rick, a producer they both knew, had invited him and he pushed himself to get out of his house and come mingle. It was hard to distinguish the bunnies from the starlets and aspiring actresses dressed up for the Playboy Halloween Party in some sort of costume that involved a corset with heels. There was corset Wonder Woman, corset black cat, corset witches, was that a corset cow girl?

An hour or so later, he was mindlessly nodding in conversation with his friend Rick, Rosie Perez, who had  played the role of Jagger’s first wife, and a few bunnies whose names he didn’t really catch when he felt a strong hand slap his back, and turned to see Keanu Reeves behind him. 

“Butler,” he said, softly, and Austin turned to shake his hand as Keanu’s arm lingered around his shoulder. His smile was open, vulnerable, but there was a mystery in his stoic eyes. “So, still knee deep in the editing bay?” Keanu grinned, then stepped aside to grab a glass of champagne from a waiter walking by.

“What?” Austin sipped his own drink, watching as Keanu lit a cigarette.

“You’re girl, I met her on Point Break, she here with you?”

“Oh right,” Austin emptied his glass and slammed it down, looking around for a waiter or bunny, suddenly very very thirsty. He had only met Keanu in passing at aa few events, and had been so preoccupied with his own film project he hadn’t really paid much thought to Hannah’s work over the last year.  “Yeah, we actually just split last month…” 

Keanu blew cigarette smoke up into the air, shaking his head. “There was something about her, man, those tits, am I right?” 

Austin frowned, then pushed Keanu lightly in the chest. “Hey man.”

Keanu’s eyes narrowed, and a dry smirk formed across his lips. “Yeah, no I get it. Must have been some good snatch if you’re still hung up on her. Tell me, did the curtains match the drapes?” Waggling his eyebrows, his voice was dry, sincere and earnest, Keanu’s grin widened as Austin pulled back his fist and jabbed him in the face, his dark hair flopping as he staggered back, laughing, as he lunged forward and landed an uppercut in Austin’s chest. Seconds later Austin was pulling him down on the ground, and they rolled on top of each other needing, kicking each other until Austin landed over him, and was about to pummel him again when the strong arms of security guards pulled him off and escorted them both out of the party. 

Standing at the front of the mansion’s gothic Tudor front building, Austin rubbed his chest as he waited for the valet to bring his car around, he looked to his side as Keanu stood there, wiping the blood from his cracked lip.  Keanu laughed, and went toward a black Porsche that was being brought around.

“Hey Austin, I’m sorry man, I was just fucking with you. I’m in a weird head space tonight, c’mon, let me make it up to you. I know just what you need.”

“What about my car?”

“Leave it, it’ll be here in the morning. “

Still buzzed, even though the fight had sobered him up, Austin shrugged and thought to himself, why the fuck not, as he leaned to sit passenger seat next to Keanu and they roared off down the hills toward Sunset.

Keanu lit another cigarette, and tapped a speed dial on his car phone.

“Hey, Polly? Hey it’s Josey Wells,” he winked at Austin, and whispered, “code name,” grinning at Austin’s confusion. “Yeah, hey, yeah, I’m wondering if its too late to put in an order for the night? Yeah. Something red, and thick. Mhmmm. Yeah, that’s the one. Send it to my house.”

Austin sat back, and rolled down the window, watching as they winded down Sunset toward the ocean.

Walking towards Keanu’s front door, Austin took in the collection of motorcycles in his garage. They were in a canyon in Malibu, up above the Pacific Coast with a view of the ocean.

“You know I live just down the road, I shoulda followed you…. So, you gonna keep me in suspense or what?”

Turning on lights, Keanu walked to his bar and poured them both drinks. 

“You know, I’ve been in love. I know what it is to have your heart broken. Bad. Like where it hurts just to think about her. I can see it in your eyes, amigo.”

Austin drained his glass, tilting his head back he closed his eyes as he breathed deeply, and unbuttoned the top of his shirt, loosening his tie. He took his white sport’s jacket off and draped it over a chair. Turning to Keanu, he pursed his lips, jaw tensing. “OK, so?”

“Well, the best way to get over someone is to —”

“Start seeing someone else. Yeah, I’ve heard from all my friends. Problem is, I don’t want to date anyone else.”

Keanu walked to his fridge, and grabbed a bag of frozen peas, which he placed over his face as after he lay down on his couch. Austin followed, listening to Keanu’s dry voice emanate through the peas.

“Exactly. Which is why the best way, the actual best way to get over someone, is to find a hooker who looks just like ‘em, work out all your issues through sex. It’s very cathartic, trust me.”

Austin’s sullen face transformed to a bright beaming grin, his cheeks squeezing up as he exploded in laughter.

“You cannot be serious.” Austin’s bottom lip hung down in disbelief.

Keanu looked up from the bag of peas at Austin, who was now sitting in a leather chair across from him

“Hmmm… just wait, she’ll be here any minute. Trust me, Polly Fleissman is the best madam in this town. First one’s on me.”

Austin stroked his chin with his right thumb and forefinger. “How much is it?”

Keanu grinned like a giddy school boy, “S’ $1500 a night… and worth every penny.”

It was midnight when Keanu ushered in a white, red headed woman with curly hair, about the same height as Hannah, plump and voluptuous. It distinctly was not Hannah, but he would have done a double take passing her on the street. The tell was how clean cut she looked in a simple, expensive beige drape halter dress, and her sexy, confident voice, greeting them, introducing herself as “Jacqueline, but you can call me whatever you like.” Welcomed her in, offered her a drink, and the pulled out a small bag of white pills from his pocket, and held it up, jiggling the pills.

“I got some mitsubishis, what do you guys say, wanna party?”

Jacqui smiled, and stuck out her tongue. 30 minutes later, they were rolling, Austin’s skin was tingling, sweat lined his brow, and he kept swallowing. Keanu had put some low house music on, and Jacqui came to perch on Austin’s lap, her hands caressing his face, wiping the sweat from his brow, as his hands moved down her body and under her skirt, just the touch of her skin made the blood rush to his cock, he pulled on her red curls with his other hand, telling her how she was the most beautiful girl in the world, how he loved her, as she giggled, and kissed his neck, her hand moving to his pants and finding the outline of his erection. Stroking it, she whispered, “Does that feel good baby?” Austin nodded, looking into her eyes, then looking up as Keanu joined them, his own hands settling over Jacqui’s neck. He winked at Austin.

“I think we’d be more comfortable in the bed room, eh?”

Jacqui stood up, taking Austin by the hand, they followed Keanu together into a dimly lit master bedroom, the walls were a light grey, and the bed was a dark metal, very modern, with black sheets, pillows, blankets. Shirt off, Keanu stalked to Austin, and put his bar arm around Austin’s shoulder, messaging his neck was they watched Jacqui undress. Keanu’s hands stroked the back of Austin’s neck, and he leaned into, groaning, he felt like Keanu fingers were drawing out all the negative energy in his body, in his brain, replacing it with golden light that was making his skin glow. Looking over at Keanu, it looked like his pale, white body was gleaming with an otherworldly iridescence.

“Keanu, fuck, I love you man, I think you’re my best friend.”

Keanu’s hands moved from Austin’s neck and snaked around his chest as his chin pushed into the top of Austin’s shoulder, a low chuckle on Austin’s ear as he pulled into him. 

“I think the e has kicked in… so, AB, ever been to a Hawaiian pig roast?” 

Austin turned to Keanu’s cheek, shaking his head.

“No? Well I’m gonna show you how to skewer a live one from both sides.” Keanu winked, and kissed Austin roughly on the cheek, thens stepping back towards the bed. Jacqui giggled as Keanu beckoned her to him, his long nose dipped down to nuzzle her bare heaving breasts. She wasn’t wearing a bra, just beige lacy panties, and her alabaster skin shone in the dim light. Completely uninhibited, Austin couldn’t get his clothes off soon enough. He watched with an open mouth was Keanu dipped down, slowly removing Jacqui’s underwear, then looking over at him as he unbuckled his belt, pulled down his pants to reveal his thick, stiff manhood, then jumping on the bed, scooting back towards the headboard and beckoning Jacqui to follow with his finger. She turned to look at Austin, smiling, her breasts bouncing as she climbed on the bed with Keanu. 

“Coming?” She giggled.

Austin’s long, blonde hair swayed as he nodded, watching as Jacqui’s ass lifted up in the air while she leaned down to suck Keanu’s cock. In that moment, Austin eagerly followed, watching as Keanu’s raven hair hit the bed frame when the actor leaned back, eyes squeezed shut, uncontrollably biting his lower lip as Jacqui’s head bobbed up and down on his length. Austin rested his hands over the roundness of Jacqui’s bottom, kissing her right cheek as his left hand took hold of the other.

“You sure this is ok with you?” His voice wavered, his blue eyes met Keanu’s as he grinned, pulling on the mess of curls above Jacqui’s head for her to pause.

“It ok with you if my friend there roasts you from the other end?”

Jacqui grinned, and turned her head over her shoulder. 

“Such a gentleman… hmmmhmmm… I think I can take it, big boy. Let me make you feel good.” Austin laughed, it was cliche, but high, every word was a sweet sensation and he went for it. Her skin was electric, and he bent his lips down below her cheeks to find her entrance, kissing at her lips, which he noted were waxed, bare, silky smooth, unlike Hannah’s wild mane, and his tongue sought out her clit easily between the soft, manicured folds, moving up and down as her body rocked with the rhythm of her mouth gliding up and down Keanu’s dick. The breathy sound of a feminine groan joined Keanu’s murmurs of “fuck” and “take it” and “oh my god this feels amazing….”  Austin moved one finger, and then another inside of Jacqui, messaging her open and searching for her pleasure point as his tongue flicked over her nub, smiling into her and pulling her ass up as he felt her twitch under him. It was not long before Jacqui cried out, and Austin was pulling his lips off her, and straddling her from behind, thrusting in and out of her pussy, slowly at first, the sensation heightened by the ecstasy, the excitement of the threesome, and the way her body and the bouncing mess of red hair conjured up his intense longing to be with Hannah again. 

Keanu looked at him over Jacqui’s writhing body between them, Austin’s lips puckered in an growl as he rolled in and out of her.

“Who ever whips his cream first has to pay for the pizza,” Keanu grinned, his eyes narrowing, and Austin chuckled, happy for the distraction because he was just on the edge, and Keanu’s conversation jarred his attention. He slowed down his pacing, and looked at Keanu, shaking his head.

“Man, you are crazy.” That night Keanu paid for the hooker, Austin paid for the pizza. But Polly Fleissman, the Hollywood Madam, would soon begin to get a steady stream of revenue for her services from Austin.

The next time Austin fucked Jacqui they were alone in a suite at the Chateau Marmont during what would become regular Thursday night consensual role playing sessions. Calling her Red, he would take out his frustrations with Hannah as he pummeled into the prostitute from behind, talking in a low, gravelly voice as he thrust into her, slapping her ass, pulling her shoulders, holding her head down into the pillow.

“Do you feel that? You fucking bitch. That’s how much I fucking love you… how could you do this to me. To us.” Austin groaned. The release as he came inside Jacqui was immediate. Addictive. And never fulfilling as it was with Hannah. Austin missed her brown eyes, innocently looking up at him, her voice teasing but her body and movements untrained, completely charming in how awkward or stilted she was. He missed that moment, with Hannah, when he could see her expression change, from being guarded to the moment she gave up her pretenses and opened up for him, her eyes filled with pure adoration. Austin couldn’t bare to look Jacqui in her eyes, at least not while her fucked her, especially with the degrading way he usually spoke to her.  Jacqui was not shy, and she never blushed when she undressed, making sounds of approval whether Austin railed her aggressively until the sound of him slapping into her cracked through the suite, or whether he licked her soft and tenderly.

He paid double to have her visit him on Thanksgiving, having her suck his dick, and then, for a change, Austin motioned for her to get on top. Was their rocking motion increased, he put his hands around her neck, lightly choking her, calling her a selfish bitch, and then ordering Jacqui to punch him and tell him what a bastard he was. 

“Tell me.” His right squeezed tighter around her neck, and his left hand pulling on her red curls and then tracing down her back to slap her ass, his biceps flexing as he grasped her up and down faster towards his chisled abdomen. “Tell me, tell me I am a spoiled, mediocre yuppie, a hack, a fraud, an empty vessel with no. creative. talent. TELL ME. Tell me you hate me!”

Jacqui’s face darkened, and then she repeated the list back to him in a condescending lilt, her performance somewhat contrived, a watered down rendition of a melodramatic scene from Dallas or Dynasty. Then she punched him, soundly smashing her right fist into his left eye socket and Austin came shortly after, groaning out like a man possessed being exorcized from his demons. As soon as he was sated, he was pushing her off him, looking ahead as he stalked off to the bathroom and dismissing Jacqui with a “You can go now,” without looking back. Sitting on the toilet, head in his hands, he wept and swore he was done with this. No more. But then the next Thursday, he would find himself back in his regular suite, fucking Jacqui into the wall from behind while he whispered all of Hannah’s character defects in her ear. 

Austin spent November and December distracting himself from his the gnawing need to find Hannah, throw her over his shoulder and head for a secluded cabin somewhere remote where he could have the space and quiet and solitude to make her understand that they could be happy and good and healthy together. They needed to be together He knew it would be different if he could just talk with her in person, but he felt guilty for the way he had acted when they broke up. The way he belittled her recovery. Her career. The way he threw his payment for her rehab in her face. The only person he trusted to talk about this stuff with was his sister, Ashley, and she convinced him to leave Hannah alone for a few months, give her some space to get back on her feet, and possibly forget the way he had  hurt her over the phone to retaliate for the way her decision had pierced him, seemingly coming out of nowhere, and to Austin, making no sense.

So, inside of kidnapping his ex girlfriend, Austin fucked a high-end prostitute that looked like Hannah and focused on work. He met with his agent Brett to look over scripts for his next project, finished up final voice over for Jagger and mapped out his promotion schedule for the film with his assistant, Alex.  Humoring Min, Austin went out to several parties and events with dates she arranged for him, taking Halle Berry to the premiere of Cape Fear, Richard Gere and Cindy Crawford’s wedding, and planning to take her to the premiere of their film the week before it was released nationwide on Christmas.

Alex was also under a strict Hannah assignment to update Austin on her whereabouts, to the extent that he was able to. Sometimes, late at night, relaxed driving home from a meeting at the Chateau, Austin would drive by the trailer park at Point Dume, circle around the nearby grocery stores and coffee shops on the off chance that he might catch a glimpse of Hannah from afar, but he never did. So, he bided his time, checking in with Alex daily for any news.

December 26, 1991

Westwood Beach, Malibu, CA

Tide was out, and the slow rhythm of the small waves lapped up Hannah’s shins, leaving her legs cool and wet and sinking into the sand below them. She sat at the shore, hands under her thighs, looking out at the infinite expanse of the sea. The waves grew in size, and she sat there, waiting for one large enough to knock her down so her head was under the water, the salt water enveloping her. She willed the waves to wash her away into the night, staying under water until she couldn’t take it anymore, before finally jumping up and screaming at the moon. As a teenager, she would sneak down here at night to smoke pot, fantasizing that the golden reflection of the moon on the silvery waves was a faery path that would take her up into the sky, away from the dismal mortal life she inhabited on earth. Back then, the worst thing in her life was AP Bio and her unrequited crush on Rick Schlessinger, the object of much angst-ridden poetry written while sitting on the beach, smoking cloves and summoning all the pain her sixteen year old self could muster. That seemed like a cake walk compared to today. 

She had quit smoking when she got home, Avi hated it. Her father was a quiet man, when he wasn’t working as a sound editor in town, she would find him on the sofa in their small trailer overlooking the bluffs, reading science fiction next to a pot of tea and a stack of chocolate dipped biscuits. However, he did turn to her two days after she moved in and explain that he would rather see her doing heroin again than smoking cigarettes. Hurt, indignant, but also humbled by the very real need to save her money and live back at home, Hannah kept her mouth shut and quit smoking. Avi’s quiet British sarcasm was all it took. Apart from that, they got along, and her father reverted to his den mothering ways, cooking dinner most nights and queuing up classic movies on the VCR for them to watch and analyze as they ate. Their love language was film criticism, it was the main vehicle for most of their meaningful conversations. 

Hannah spent her days pounding the pavement, and looking for work. She visited some of her friends from college, reached out to a few directors she had worked with, saw her uncle Abe, the executive at Paramount, and the reoccurring feedback she got was  to lay low for a few months, let the tabloid story recede, and then she would get some traction. In the meantime, she found a job in Vancouver, a Canadian friend from college had started a company editing for the new booming television industry up there that took advantage of those sweet sweet Canuck media tax breaks. She was set to leave for Vancouver in three days.

Hannah had flown up to Vancouver in early November, got the job, and started making her arrangements to leave. Then, a week later, she noticed that her breasts were more sensitive than usual, and gasped when she realized she hadn’t had her period in a while. Like, a while a while. Hannah was not one for tracking her cycle, she didn’t keep a calendar, she was on the pill so she didn’t worry too much. But the minute the thought crossed her mind she knew, she knew before she drove to the drug store and bought the test. She knew before she handed the test to Robin a waited for her friend to read her the result. She knew because she hadn’t bought tampons since she got home from rehab. According to her gynecologist, she was eight weeks pregnant when she found out in mid-November. Since then, Hannah had been in a holding pattern, avoiding dealing with this new reality in any meaningful way. Her sponsor had lectured her to tell Austin, no matter what her decision was, she was supposed to be living a new, honest life, and she shouldn’t try to manage his emotions or reality by keeping it from him. But she couldn’t bare to call him. The OB went over her choices with her, it was 1991, not 1961, but cautioning her that she really needed to make her decision before the end of her third trimester. Just like she had known she was pregnant, Hannah had already known what her decision was. 

“So,” Robin asked, at brunch with Hannah and their other friend, Sarah the Sunday before Thanksgiving. “ I thought you were pro-choice… we just signed up to campaign for Bill Clinton….”

Theoretically, Hannah had always thought that if she got pregnant before she was ready, or not in a committed relationship, she would just have an abortion. But theory didn’t take into account how she actually felt when it actually happened in actual real life. What Hannah really wanted was a time machine to go back and not get pregnant at all. She knew she couldn’t go through with an abortion, and but she was terrified of having a baby. 

“I am pro-choice. Emphasis on choice, Robin. Fuck…. You know I promised Avi when I was 15…”

Robin gasped.

“What do you mean you promised your dad when you were 15? That you would never have an abortion?”

Hannah nodded. “Yeah, it was the only sex talk we ever had. Driving a long PCH one day, he turned to me and told me if I ever got pregnant, he would raise the baby. I guess Georgie had two secret abortions when she was a teenager. The women in my family ….we are pretty fertile, I guess… I managed to somehow get knocked up on birth control…”

Robin shivered.

“Anyway,” Hannah continued. “My mom didn’t tell him until years later. She always regretted it. He always regretted it. Also, apparently a psychic once told my father she saw more children in his future…”

Sarah chimed in, “Well of course we’ll support—”

“Wait, you feel like because some psychic told your father —” Sarah slapped Robin. “I mean, yes, of course we will support you. And if you want to keep working, well, Austin just gonna have to shell out some of that movie star money for a nanny…”

Hannah sighed, picking apart the paper straw wrapper on the table. “I don’t know if that is exactly the approach I want to take when I tell him… I don’t want him to think I’m using this to get something from him… I need to be able to support myself, no matter what. I mean, obviously I need to tell him…”

But she hadn’t, and now she was at 14 weeks, and moving to Canada for work. In three days. But it was only for four months on a new TV series based on the Highlander movie. So, in theory, she could go work this job, come back at seven months pregnant and then have the baby here in LA. Maybe even pick up another job before the baby came. How hard could it be, she was already sitting down all day anyway? And what about after that? Where is your theory then? Fuck fuck fuck a duck.

“Stop being a pussy and just bite the bullet.” She said out loud. “Just call Austin.” 

Wet and shivering in the cold (for California) January air, Hannah felt the nervousness in her chest tingle and move to the top of her shoulders. “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

Walking back up the hill from the beach to Avi’s mobile home, Hannah looked down at her waist, her swimsuit under an oversized Les Mis shirt Austin bought her in London. She didn’t really look pregnant yet, the bottom of her belly hadn’t started to bend upward and expand. Her ankles looked thicker, but if you didn’t look at them every day, you probably wouldn’t know.

The longer Hannah put off calling Austin, the more awkward the prospect came, and she found herself flying off to Vancouver without calling him.

taglist @powerofelvis ​ @woundmetender ​ @slowsweetlove ​ @xstrengthxinxtragedyx ​ @cryingabtab ​ @whositmcwhatsit @artlover8992 @crash-and-cure @daffieapple @eliseinmemphis

[whateverthedragonswant]

Omg I'm dying laughing rn though I'm really trying hard to stop. I'm rewatching certain Jenny scenes in 3x11 for writing purposes and what do I see?

Not only is Jenny more affectionate while Beau is giving her a hug like Poppernak just did but when Beau gets the call about Avery, he looks to Cassie first then Jenny, telling them an officer spotted him. Jenny tells him "Go", he nods then looks to Cassie who tells him "Yeah, we got this." THEN he leaves.

As he's leaving, he bumps into Poppernak literally and then he passes right by Jenny who moves out of his way but puts a hand on his shoulder, and tells him to call her later. He says yeah, never stopping to look at her, and walks out the door.

THEN when Jenny says she knows where they can start looking for the people who took Gigi, there is a shot of Cassie getting up and throwing a pen into a coffee cup.

Remind you of anything?

This episode is all about parallels while bringing back some good ol' Cassie and Jenny working together goodness (which is why it's such a great episode for writing fuel), it allows Katheryn to shine as well as Jensen in their performances among some of the other cast members, it allows Cassie back into the lead she's supposed to be for once, we get back to the roots a bit of what is really the heart of this show (the 2 ladies), and gives us more of a closer look into Beau's story as well.

So while Beau deals with Avery who is trying to steal 15 million that has put his daughter and her mother in danger, Jenny is dealing with the fallout of Gigi grifting the wrong people that she stole 30K from Jenny to try to fix that now has mother and daughter in danger. Parallels.

This episode has such potential and I actually would argue is one of the more decent ones we've seen all season. Maybe that's due to Ryan's involvement in writing the episode, I'm not sure, but it's fantastic all around.

But here's what cracks me up when I think just how badly they fudged this season up and how hard the actors had to work to try to offset some of these bad story decisions. Why the parallel between Beau and Cassie?

Would Cassie have become the new sheriff had the series continued and Beau actually stayed in character, following Carla and Emily back to Houston? Not likely, given Cassie has staunchly refused to go back into policing and still has her PI business. Not to mention that would be a huge disservice to her character as well as Jenny's.

Is it a romantic parallel? Nope. The show runner made it pretty clear that Beau supposedly only sees Jenny in that light.

To set up a romantic parallel between Beau and Jenny? While I wouldn't put it past them to actually do that and think they accomplished something there, that doesn't seem to be what's happening here either, especially since Jenny is not the one tossing the pen and given Beau's pilot mode responses to her physical contact.

So why the parallel? Why have Cassie sitting like Beau was, throwing the pen into a coffee mug as they got up? When Jenny and Poppernak were present in both scenes, with Jenny knowing where to go and leading the way? With a phone call happening to Beau both times?

Well, let's look at who wrote this episode: Ryan and Christine Roum. And let's look at the title of the episode "Super Foxes". Jenny leads Cassie to see Tanya and Donno in the next scene where Jenny has to ask beg for Tonya's help to find her mom, none of her disgust for Tonya present. Tonya eventually agrees to help.

Now let's go back to 3x02. Who wrote that episode? Kyle Long and Christine Roum. What's the title? "The Woods Are Lovely, Dark and Deep" Not a parallel to foxes at all, in fact it's a line from a popular Robert Frost poem.

But in this episode what do we have? Beau is trying a sandwich from Tonya and Donno's diner The Blue Fox when Beau calls Jenny over to try it. She flat out refuses (we saw the previous episode how much she can't stand that Tonya isn't in jail) and goes on a rant with Tonya appearing behind her. Beau dashes off to help Cassie while telling Jenny to help Tonya. Jenny begrudgingly does while taking Poppernak with her. This case leads to the pen scene later on, where they're leaving to head to Tonya's house to save Paul.

This is the parallel. They literally did this to not only set up the Jenny and Tonya scene after to show Jenny's change but also to call back to 3x02. The pen parallel was the best they could do rather than pour everything they had into the Jenny and Tonya scene (which Katheryn and Jamie-Lynn were the ones to make it work btw) to wrap it up and make it more meaningful for Jenny's character which was at the forefront of this episode. They used Cassie again in order to focus on Jenny, sidelining how important Cassie actually is to the story itself. (Let's not forget y'all, she's the main character from the books this show is based on)

And then they did it to her again with Beau in the same damn scene! Even in an episode that's not about the AA-led campaign for Beau/Jenny kiss kiss tag team for once (though they still keep it in your face in their separate stories by the whole Emily and Carla scenes). Beau looks to Cassie again before Jenny like he had in 3x02 and 3x01 because he "still isn't ready to let Jenny in yet". So they literally use Cassie yet again to further someone else's story, one who isn't even one of the main characters. (Listen, I love Beau but that's the cold hard truth, it's not a slight against the character or Jensen)

And they even continuously used Poppernak for the Beau and Jenny push as well. Granted, he's not a main character but he has become a pillar in Jenny's world so to speak. Plus, the way J. Anthony Pena played him, there was SO much potential there with his character.

Literally both POC characters were pushed aside for the White characters to set up a romance that they didn't even commit to in the end (that ending scene is not romantic, sorry not sorry - Beau still can't look at her or tell her what happened in Houston without imbibing more alcohol, she settled for handhold). Just cold hard facts. And again, crappy writing.

THIS is why this show failed. Because of ridiculous story decisions like this. No wonder the cast had to work so hard to try to make things make sense when it came to marrying their performances with the writing. Because when you strip this down and look at the whole thing, what on earth do you see? A gift of a great story (from the books) and a David E. Kelly production that put an exciting twist on the whole thing was given to Elwood Reid and his writers and they completely ruined it. They literally took it and smashed it into pieces in a trash compactor then presented it to us and were like "See this masterpiece I made?"

I won't lie, I'm a huge Katheryn Winnick fan and to me it was sad to read an interview she gave back when she was first on the show, doing press. She was supposed to take a sabbatical after Vikings but got this offer, saw it was a David E. Kelly production, and knew she couldn't pass it up. So she went in full steam ahead. Anyone who has read/heard Katheryn talk knows how incredibly creative she is, knows she puts her heart and soul into the stories she tells. Not to mention Jenny Hoyt was a great character they created and it was the perfect marriage between Jenny and Katheryn on the screen. Whatever David's reasons for stepping away after season 1, Elwood was clearly the wrong choice to take over and lead this team of writers. They made some good decisions here and there like Beau and his storyline, Reba's casting, the Cassie and Jenny moments that were the heart of season 2, etc, but they really took the polished gem of potential David gave them and collectively ran over it with their cars.

I love the story of the books and I love the overall story of the show between the two women (what a smart twist to switch Cody for Jenny, to flesh out Jenny's character more, and split it down the middle between Cassie and Jenny in the storyline - that's David E. Kelly for you). This show had so much potential had they changed up either the showrunner or some of the writers or even both, but sadly they chose to do...that.

And examples like this one are proof in the pudding of how badly they missed the mark. If only they had done things differently perhaps we would have a season that pulled together better and actually made sense for all characters involved, rather than showing the desperation to stay on the air and sucking up to a section of one actor's internet fan base. We still might not have gotten a season 4 due to what's happening in Hollywood right now, but the characters would have been in a much better position by the end of the season in their storylines, then the equivalent of an apathetic wrap job in old newspaper with Scotch tape to "close things up".

So sad.

Eli Jorne and his writers told a better story in 6 episodes than Elwood and his writers did in 2 seasons (31 episodes). And Elwood was handed the world from David E. Kelly. Eli was given access to the TWD universe but had to completely create his own corner of it.

Sad.

[corroded-coffin]

ok besties we finished so here's my thoughts on episodes 6-8 + overall and whatever

episode 6:

i know that's likely the whole point but oh my god i hated looking at the vault 4 overseer's face. i would like that to not continue in the future seasons. thx.

ok we got... NCR remnants?? in this vault? new vegas music intensifies???????

you guuuys he's really a good guy underneath it all, look, 200 years ago he cared about his dog!

max's lack of sex ed is KILLING me and i for one hope the lucy/max fic writers of the world are exploring this in appropriately bizarre and uncomfortable way

YOU WANNA MAKE MY COCK EXPLODE RIGHT NOW?????

the video of the lady giving birth to the gulpers(???) that then fucking started eating her is actual nightmare fuel. i hated that so fucking much. 0/10 please god no 🤮

episode 7:

oh hi there, ranger helmets/dusters!

lmao it could just be because i've seen that movie 500 fucking times, but the whole scene with the lead farmers reminded me so much of the opening scene from inglourious basterds

“that’s just a dirty word they use to describe people who aren’t insane.” full body cringe. sorry girl. i support u tho.

i really didn't get the plot of vault 4 but ok.

maximus spent the whole time watching a waterfall on loop and one song. neurodivergent win

DJ carl you will never be three dog or mr new vegas 😔 you can be travis miles if you want

???????????????????????????????????? what the hell did dr. chickenfuck give thaddeus??? why are ghouls just fuckin wolverine now???? i don't understand this lore. iirc aren't ghouls generally more fragile to everything that isn't radiation? huge amounts of radiation is healing to them, but just... existing ???

the terminal hacking easter egg made me giggle, i'm glad we got that. so silly

episode 8:

yay diversity win: this non-binary BoS side character is alive!! :)

i've been wondering this the whole time but why is the brotherhood catholic lol

quintus you're weird. since when did the brotherhood rule the wasteland. ok bud lol

...ok bud!

corporate managers should not be allowed to do anything much less take over the world, my god

moldaver/rose is the real ship of this show, i think. that's why kyle's so mad, right? wife's gay AND a wastelander. bit weird to keep your ghoulfriend alive for that long tho.

BUD BRAIN ROOMBA

oh shit it's him. Mr Home

yeah i do not like any of the stuff with the execs/corporations being behind the scenes and controlling the bombs dropping and being aware of this shit the whole time. silly and dumb.

other people have said it too but sucks that the biggest black woman character in the show ends up being Evil Capitalist Mastermind

wAr NeVeR cHaNgEs

dammit hank i thought u were a good dad instead you're a corporate SHILL!!!!!!!!!

lucy you belong in BG3 not fallout those are the saddest wettest eyes in the world. i love u girl

DAMMIT HANK

yay diversity win: this non-binary BoS side character is STILL alive!! :)

oh... ok. well. that sucks max. my poor bb.

DEATHCLAW! NEW VEGAS! WOWIE

overall... i don't know! there were things i liked, namely the production design which was incredible. i'm definitely going to watch season 2 and i do think *some* of the backlash from fans has been a little overblown, but expecting fallout fans to be normal about lore changes is a losing game LMAO. we're uh... intense. a little. we've been burned, um, a little. just a bit.

i just watched tim cain's review of the series as well, and i do hope that vault-tec didn't *actually* drop the bombs. it makes no sense - why would barb knowingly drop the bombs while her daughter + husband are out at a birthday party??

i DID like that the NCR aren't completely gone bc that made no sense to me... except now i guess they are gone :|

anyway, if nothing else i'm glad that this seems to have awakened all of the dormant fnv fans out there and i hope that this side of fandom picks up more steam. i largely fell off of fallout fandom when it all became fallout 4-centric because that game just... didn't grip me like 3 and NV did. and i hope it brings new people into the franchise and the fandom as well!

i wonder what other existing canon characters will be brought into season 2, if any. new vegas has so many characters i just adore that i'm not sure if i want them to get the tv treatment or not yet!

ok if you read this far thank you i love you BYE

decided to start the fallout tv series despite being a No Good Bitter Angry New Vegas Stan (tm), so making this post of my assorted thoughts as i go

(spoilers below)

episode 1:

watched this last night so i'm probably gonna miss stuff/it will all be out of order

oh shit kyle maclachlan is here! bless

the signing your name in the lining of the hand-me-down wedding dress bit cracked me up

why did her geiger counter only start going haywire after they'd fucked??? why are they giving off *that* much radiation??? LOL

was it unclear to anyone else why maximus was getting bullied. is he just supposed to be a loser or is it because he's an outsider not born into it or whatever

diversity win! the BoS respects pronouns!

never mind why are we branding people

specifically, why are we branding a black guy? was this important to add to the brotherhood lore??? ??????

(points at power armor) LOOK GUYS IT'S JOHN FALLOUT!!!!

the BoS being just like, in a rando military base outdoors felt weird too, but idk! i guess they didn't want all of their main characters to live underground

speaking of, why was the ghoul just... buried lol

spent most of last night randomly saying A FERAL GHOUL CAN'T ABIDE NO CHICKEN...... googled it, that's not even the exact quote. i fully do not care. feral ghoul can't abide no chicken

while i'm sure walton ghoulgins will be my fav character (ghouls almost always are), god he is BARELY a ghoul!!! no voice changes and he's... so smooth. a literal smoothskin. they dewalted my white.

okie dokie!

[ragingbookdragon]

Get To Know Me!

I never made a get to know me so all of you are just following some random...but here! GTKM!

Friendly Reminder: We treat people of all races, religions, sexes, genders, and other things with kindness and respect here. If you cannot be civil and respect someone’s right to be themselves, you will not find sympathy or comfort in the Library.

My Name: Thorne Everleigh Lionheart

Age: 23

DoB: October 31st

Religion: Agnostic

LGBT Spectrum: Pansexual

Star Sign: Scorpio

Fandoms: DC, Assassin's Creed, Horizon Zero Dawn/Forbidden West, GreedFall, Mass Effect, The Arcana, Call of Duty, etc.

Favorite Color: Blue and Black (and Silver and Red and White lol)

Favorite Animal: Tigers and Wolves

Favorite Food and Drink: Black Pepper Chicken w/ Lo Mein and Aloe Water

Favorite Music Genre: Rock, all rock, any rock

Favorite Genre to Read: Fantasy and Sci-Fi

Favorite Video Game: Horizon Zero Dawn/Forbidden West and any Bioware game; Skyrim and Fallout 4

Favorite Book Series: Hell Divers and The Malazan Book of The Fallen

Favorite Place on Earth: Yokohama, Japan

Favorite Comics: DC

Favorite Hobbies: Reading, Writing, Worrying, Stressing, Driving, and Baking

My Style: Sunday Best Meets Comfy Casual Meets HBIC

How I'd Describe Myself: Anxious, Friendly but w/ a RBF, Funny, Trustworthy, Loyal.

What Do I Collect: Notebooks and Pens and I hoard them like a dragon; I also collect friends and I put them on my shelf and go, "Aren't they so pretty! I love them very much and would die for them."

[ground-zero-idiocies]

Every (Canon) Fallout Game and DLC Ranked

of course, this is all my opinion. and i’m an idiot, so don’t put too much stock in it.

18. Operation Anchorage (1/10)

There’s just…nothing here. It’s a generic corridor with generic enemies and generic weapons. Your reward for completion is generic power armor, painted white. Hoorah.

17. Mothership Zeta (1.1/10)

Here’s a perfect example of a little joke from original fallout and ruin it. The Zetans were fine as a little random encounter, but canonizing them this much was a mistake. Plus the DLC itself gets old after about 5 minutes, which is a problem when it’s a 3 hour corridor with the exact same enemies. It ranks slightly above Operation Anchorage because I like 50s sci-fi b movies, and this reminds me of that.

16. Honest Hearts (2/10)

Mothership Zeta may have started the pattern of fallout games ruining their mysteries, but Honest Hearts perfected it. There was an incredible set-up - New Canaan, Joshua Graham, Ulysses’ Origin - all to be wasted on a somewhat-racist, white-savior, terribly-written narrative that falls flat in every single regard. This ranks above the other two because it has the Survivalist, which is interesting enough, and an absolutely stunning landscape. Not enough to keep it out of the bottom three though.

15. Broken Steel (3/10)

I hate this so much, on principle. It means one of two things about Fallout 3: either the developers cared about their birth-to-death story so little that they were willing to change the ending at the slightest bit of criticism, or they purposefully made the game so bad so that they could sell this stupid DLC for 10 extra dollars. At least it lets you play after the game.

14. Automatron (4/10)

Finally, something somewhat worth playing. I don’t love Automatron, hell I don’t even know if I like it, but there’s content here. The story with Isabel Cruz is entertaining and ultimately kind of sad, and the side characters like Jezebel and Ada provoke some emotion (mostly frustration in Jezebel’s case, but it’s welcome). Still, the gameplay is just so flat that it rips any enjoyment I might have out of a playthrough. I’ll speed run it if I want to give Codsworth some stupid legs or something, but otherwise I usually skip it.

13. Fallout 3 (5/10)

Oh, Fallout 3. Metacritic’s highest rated fallout game, but also one of the most divisive. I’d say there’s good reason for this - it all depends on what you focus on and prioritize. If you want to turn on the radio and wander the wastes, there is no better game. The post-apocalyptic atmosphere is on-point and the level scaling gives the game a kind of sandbox energy. On the other hand, the writing is shit, half the mechanics are shit, the villains are shit, the treatment of the Brotherhood is shit, and 99% of the characters are shit. It’s such a split that I only feel fair giving this the most medium rank possible - but against a series that I really love, it’s still gonna rank near the bottom.

12. Fallout 76 (6/10)

And we arrive at the game which everyone will say I’m wrong for putting here. I…like Fallout 76. It’s fun to play with friends, the mechanics are really well-made and the locations are engaging. But. It’s got the same problems as 3. The writing is, again, horrible. Every single faction just makes me go ‘Why is this here? What purpose does this serve?’ The Enclave, the Brotherhood, even new factions like the (so soft they’re morally defensible) raiders and the (essentially just the minutemen again) settlers all feel disarrayed and just feel so flat. It’s better then 3 in the way that I want to play it slightly more often.

11. Point Lookout (6.5/10)

One of two Fallout 3 properties I kinda like. The locations are really fun and the cult stuff is entertaining. It’s not the best, it’s not even the funniest, but it’s up there. It’s aggressively short and all the good stuff is side content, which is why it’s here instead of higher up.

10. Fallout 4 (7/10)

I adore this game, but this is where it belongs. I don’t care how fun it is - and holy hell is it fun - it’s so bogged down by its lack of anything better then surface-level. In plot, in character, in theme - it’s all easily discernible to a third grader within the first 10 minutes. Is that how games should be? Maybe, but that’s not what fallout is - or should be, at least in my opinion. Fallout is supposed to say something, and Fallout 4 falls just short of anything meaningful.

9. The Pitt (7.2/10)

Come at me, Fallout 3 fans. This DLC is right where it needs to be. Yes, it’s a good DLC, but it’s also two hours long. That’s just not long enough to justify anything higher then what it gets.

8. Nuka World (7.3/10)

Take everything I said about Fallout 4 and double it. Nuka World is 100% fluff, 0% meaning (much like Nuka Cola is 100% bad for you). But good God, it’s so fun. Even without the raider part, the different parks are really engaging and fun, and the little characters like Cito make it all the better. For evil nothings, look no further. Playing Nuka World is like eating a chocolate croissant from Starbucks - it’s good, and it’ll hold off your craving, and every once in a while you’ll get nostalgic and crave one, but there are better pastries, and better food - out there.

7. Lonesome Road (7.4)

I walk the lonesome road, the one that only ulysses can know… in all seriousness, this DLC is pretty great. The enemies aren’t anything special and the bomb effect look straight out of a $5 PS2 game, but that doesn’t matter. Ulysses is cool, cold, and sexy fascinating from a character perspective. I can’t say anything here that hasn’t already been said by smarter people, but I really like this.

6. Fallout (7.5/10)

sigh. Is it blasphemy to keep the first fallout game out of the top 5? Maybe. I don’t really care though. Look, the writing is good. Really good. The story is compelling and the factions are cool and engaging. But does this stop it from being horribly outdated and from having almost all flat characters? No. As much as I adore Fallout 1, it doesn’t deserve to be any higher.

5. Old World Blues (8/10)

Yeah, I put this above Fallout 1. It doesn’t matter. This DLC is so damn funny - even on my seventeenth playthrough, it makes me laugh ten times harder then any stand-up comedian. The jokes never stop coming and they never fall flat. There are moments of shocking sadness, which help ground the insane shenanigans, but it goes back to throwing so many jokes in your face that you end up with emotional whiplash in the best way possible - and all of this is based in a story of 6 super geniuses hyped up on drugs and your aunt’s insane facebook page.

4. Fallout 2 (8.5/10)

This game is good. I don’t know much else to say. Obviously it isn’t perfect - the ‘tribal’ and Shi elements are…ignorant at best, and the mechanics are outdated, but it stands the test of time much better than it’s predecessor. This game holds up - it’s insane, off-the-wall humor, it’s story about the dangers of fascism and an out-of-control government, it’s fun characters - these hold up, even in the face of horrifying graphics and an inability to run on anything more powerful than a literal potato (or as the in-game Dan Quayle parody spells it, Potatoe).

3. Fallout New Vegas (9/10)

Fine, you’ve all caught me. I’m a New Vegas fanboi. There’s obviously still issues in the game, part of which being the numerous game-breaking bugs that persist 12 years after release, but the story and characters and design and factions and gameplay and mechanics all stand proud, making this my favorite fallout game. But wait, if I’m a New Vegas fanboi, why is this only number 3?

2. Dead Money (9.5/10)

The last New Vegas DLC comes in at number 2. I love this DLC with all my heart. On first playthrough, the gameplay can be challenging and sometimes irritating, but it’s on the second playthrough that this DLC will hit you in the heart. The writing here is top-notch - better then 99% of books and movies I’ve ever seen. All the characters - whether they be pre-war memories or post-war interactions - all of them are incredible and unique. Sinclair, Keyes, Domino, Christine, Dog/God, The Scientists - all amazing. Play Dead Money - play it again (Johnny Guitar?) if you have to.

1. Far Harbor (9.8)

The best way I can describe this mostly-forgotten Fallout 4 DLC is through the song ‘My Kind of Town’ by Frank Sinatra. He sings ‘each time I leave [Far Harbor] it’s…tuggin’ on my sleeve.’ This is how I feel. Far Harbor is such an amazing gaming experience. It’s got the writing quality of New Vegas crossed with the best characters and mechanics Fallout 4 had to offer. While there’s always room for improvement, I cannot find a single major thing I don’t like in this DLC.

Here’s hoping Fallout 5 beats it all!

[tarosin]

the great adventures of y/n ranboo, tommy tubbo and jack - just come home

this is an extra part to the great adventures series

summary: part three to the happier imagine (the great adventures of y/n and ranboo) this is where the group reunites

content warning: angst to fluff, small mention of creepy fan,swearing

please read what’s written in bold

this is an “alternative ending” around 16-18 years into the future this doesn’t mean this is actually how the series is going to end im writing it now and including it as part of series as their friendship is already established i can confirm y/n and the group are going to have a happy ending when the series eventually comes to an end this also does not mean the series is anywhere near the end i plan on continuing the series as vlogs come out, i feel the need to confirm this now love between y/n and the others (especially ranboo) in this imagine is completely platonic

so turns out moving house didn’t stop the creepy fan from contacting you neither did blocking every account they made as they began contacting your mods, your business email, they even started spamming ranboos dms, mods and business email and now you had the stress of Tommy trying to contact you. at this point neither you nor ranboo knew what to do, you were both convinced it was a troll trying to scare you both with jokes but the joke wasn’t funny. it never was, to say the least, it was horrifying. you stood with ranboo who was now changing the locks just to keep you safe, it was clear the fan didn’t know your new address as rather than sending you your address (as though you had suddenly forgotten where you lived) like last time it was just random messages trying to psych you both out. your phone buzzed again making ranboo jump you dreaded looking at the notification but you did it anyway

Tommy: y/n I’m serious please can we talk..tubbo and jack aren’t the same without you. I miss you

“anything important y/n?”

“no nothing to worry about”

“you’ve not been acting like yourself since the last stream are you sure you’re okay you know It's not your fault don’t blame yourself for whatever’s upsetting you I’m here for you I love you”

“I know boo I know, i love you too”

later that night you had to quickly end your stream despite to fact you had only been streaming 30 minutes as ranboo was arguing with someone the only reason you knew it was serious was because he was shouting back at the person, you had never heard him so angry and you’ve been friends with him for at least 16 years.

“okay chat that’s gonna be the stream for today…I forgot I have something to do I’m not going to raid anyone on here however tech is live on youtube for the first time in ages so I do recommend you go and check out what he’s doing good morning or good night I’ll see you soon”

as soon as you ended the stream you made your way to the room ranboo was in that's when you overheard tubbo arguing with ranboo

“oh good for you ranboo you're getting everything you want I mean you and y/n moved on easily the two of you bought a new house you both look happy and don't get me started on your career's taking off”

“goodbye tubbo”

ranboo left the call and opened the door

“oh boo”

you instantly pulled him into a hug, it was an extremely stressful time for the pair of you and you understood how painful it is arguing with someone who was once your best friend. every night the memory of Tommy blaming you for things that were out of your control and jack telling you to get out of the car haunted you however nothing compared to the way tubbo looked at you when you finally got home that night. he looked at you as though he never cared about the friendship the pair of you shared. of course, you never told ranboo about it keeping you up at night but he wasn’t stupid he knows you were still hurting even if it had been years since the fallouts happened

“why..why are they trying to get in contact again I was starting to feel like myself again”

“I don’t know…come lie with me on the couch for a while we can talk about anything you want”

the pair of you laid on the couch talking about what was going on and reasons why it was happening. ranboo decided he’d forgive the others if they contact him again however you were not as forgiving as they hurt you and your friend. eventually, his crying came to an end and he fell asleep holding onto you. you were falling asleep yourself until your phone buzzed.

Tommy: look y/n why don’t we all meet again, just come home

y/n: I am home I moved into a lovely house with ranboo and I sold the ‘home’ you’re talking about, now please stop contacting me tom I don’t want in my life anymore not only did you hurt me but you also hurt ranboo

Tommy: fine talk to tubbo

y/n: don’t add him...

*tubbo has been added to the group*

tubbo: hi y/n

y/n: you have 5 minutes to explain why you made ranboo cry.

tubbo: I don’t know what you mean

y/n: do you think you’re funny because oh boy do I have news for you.

Tommy: please just meet us one last time you can even bring ranboo

y/n: I was bringing ranboo anyway

tubbo: can I bring jack

Tommy: yes, see you where we always used to meet

y/n: ight see you Saturday

tubbo: see you Saturday I love you

y/n: please don’t say you love me tubbo. if you did we wouldn’t be in this situation.

you spent the rest of the night messing with ranboos hair you ended up accidentally waking him up however he pretended to be asleep before you could notice he was no longer asleep as he didn’t want this moment to end. however, you did occasionally hear him laugh quietly to himself

“Are you awake or am I hearing things”

he decided there was no point in lying as you were already questioning if he was awake and he was struggling to hold back his laughter so responded by tapping your waist signalling to you he was awake

“great..bad news we have to meet Tommy jack and tubbo on Saturday”

you watched as he quickly opened his eyes looking at you as though you had told him the best news ever

“heh?! actually? are you actually being serious right now”

“Unfortunately I am”

noticing you were unhappy about it he pulled you closer to him and spent the rest of the night explaining why it won’t be as bad as you’re expecting it to be and how it might actually be a good thing after all. a couple of hours later you fell asleep feeling a lot more comfortable with what was happening on Saturday ranboo fell asleep not long after, proud of his achievement. the days flew by, it was finally Saturday and you had mixed feelings about it, on one hand, you were somewhat excited about meeting them but on the other hand, you weren’t sure you were ready for them to enter your life again.

“I'm ill sorry ranboo you’ll have to go on your own”

“wowww real mature making me go all on my own…I thought we were best friends”

“I know you’re joking but I’d feel bad making you go alone give me five minutes and then I’ll be ready to go”

“here”

ranboo decided to throw one of his hoodies at you so you had something to wear that made you feel safe as he understood how overwhelming it’ll be to meet them again, five minutes later you got into the passenger's seat next to ranboo

“not feeling like driving hey”

“I will purposely drive around in circles to avoid meeting them”

“heh…are you okay are you actually okay seeing them, I don’t mind letting you stay home”

“I'm fine boo honestly now let’s go”

once you made it and began walking to meet them ranboo grabbed your hand. the only reason he ended up letting go was to talk to the others since Tommy pulled you into a tight hug not wanting to let you go the moment he saw the pair of you

“y/n I’m so sorry”

“I'm sorry too..”

Tommy spent a good few minutes frantically apologising to you for what happened and how he didn’t mean any of it. he was halfway through his speech about how he’s learned from his mistakes when tubbo spoke up.

“Tommy doesn’t keep y/n to yourself”

“sorry tubso”

you looked at tubbo not knowing what to say, it was evident that the pair of you were still hurt, he reached into his pocket grabbing a rock he found on the beach the other day

“here I found it the other day it reminded me of you”

“thank you I love it”

ranboo stood behind you wrapping an arm around you as he noticed you were starting to get upset. tubbo couldn’t believe how much you and ranboo had changed over the past years and it hurt him how close the pair of you had grown and the promise rings you and ranboo were currently wearing left him questioning whether that could have been him if he didn’t leave you both when it was clear you both needed him. jack spoke up next.

“hey, y/n..”

“nice to see you’re still bald manifold”

“Nice to see you haven’t changed. I’m sorry for what happened it hurt to see you go I was kind of hoping that you'd stay”

“oh jack it’s okay you were just trying to lighten up the situation I'm sorry I was so harsh”

a few months later the five of you were slowly but surely mending your friendship you all knew it would be difficult and take a long time to get back to how it was in the past but it would all be worth it

around a year since you met up again the five of you were closer than ever you were all streaming together again, constantly filming vlogs as a group. safe to say the wait was worth it, however, you and ranboo always wearing the promise rings you got for each still hurt tubbo

taglist

@milkydisaster @dumb-chaotic-bi-energy @uselesssapphickitten @l0ver0fj0y @etheriaaly @xx-smiley-xx @hawarun @kylobensgirl @cawcaw-pretty-thing @reverse-iak @renleicrashed @augustine-is-joy @c1loudee

[chaoticdumpsterfire]

Roleplay Partner wanted!

So, as you can see, I’m new to this website and honestly I have no idea how several things work around here -  so please: If you’re interested contact me via the given options below!

I’m looking  for roleplay partners for some long term writing via Discord or Email, I’m sure that Tumblr will be possible as well as soon as I figure this website out, have patience with me.

I’m also looking for a friend(?), someone I can send stupid memes or stuff that reminds me of our OCs. I want someone I can geek around with, maybe even play some games together? I’m looking for the whole package I guess. If you’re only here for the RP that’s of course cool too!

Some things about myself you should  probably know

-       I go by River, Z or Zero

-       I’m 20+ years old

-       my pronouns are He/Him and They/Them

-       I have around 10 years of experience when it comes to Roleplay

-       My timezone is GMT/UTC

 Things I have to offer

-       a shit ton of OCs coming from all different backgrounds, settings and/or fandoms (I usually have a Pinterest board for each of them, no faceclaims)

-       characters ranging from cute, cuddly over assholes with a god complex to mentally ill crashes

-       characters with health issues, disabilities and mental struggles

-       humans, humanoids, aliens, demons, supernatrual creatures

-       a burning love for dark and taboo themes

-       a lot of time on my hands

-       love and passion for the things and characters I write and create

-       a strong will to put a lot of effort into the RP to make it as fun as possible for the both of us

-       3rd person, paragraph style writing with multiple responses each day

-       an open mind when it comes to world building or plot development

-       a very dirty and dark mind when it comes to it, I write from vanilla to extreme NSFW

-       I’m completely okay with writing multiple characters in one RP or several scenes

-       I’m wiling to write a few canon characters too, though only those I’m comfortable with

 Things that are important to me

-       I only write M/M parings (Yes, that includes trans men, Femboys and NB sweethearts!)  I’m not comfortable with F/Futa or any roles close to that, sorry!

-       please only contact me for a RP if you’re 18+

-       anything involving minors, animals or anything close to that is an absolute No Go

 Things I want from you

-       ideas of your own – a one sided RP is no fun after all

-       active engagement in the world, the characters and their relationships to each other and the  things happening around them  

-       don’t ghost me, I can’t stand that

-       creativity while not creating one God character after another. Perfect is impossible and terribly boring

 Some Fandoms we could bond over

-       League of Legends

-       Overwatch

-       Genshin Impact

-       Stardew Valley

-       Rainbow Six Siege

-       The Division 1

-       Fallout

-       Skyrim

-       Cyberpunk

-       Harry Potter

-       The Hobbit/Lord of the Rings

-       Star Wars

- Criminal Mind

- CoD

- Supernatural

-       Hannibal (the TV series)

-       Sherlock (the TV series)

-       Marvel & DC

-       Tributes of Panem

 Tropes and Settings

-       Supernatural

-       Sci-Fi

-       Space Adventures

-       Pirate Eras

-       Wild West

-       Future

-       A/B/O

-       Ancient times

-       Eldritch Gods

-       End-times/Apocalyptic

-       Mafia & Underground

 That’s really all that comes to mind! I’m sure I have missed something somewhere but I guess I can always add these things later. If you made it to the end of this, thank you for reading!

I HAVE A HUGE BRAINROT PLEASE HELP

If you would like to contact me:

Discord is: плакса#2379 // cryoriver

Email is: dumpsterfire.sterling@gmail.com  

[mariacallous]

In a new book, the former US ambassador to the European Union Gordon Sondland defends his conduct around Donald Trump’s first impeachment, derides Democrats for their investigation of Trump’s attempt to extract political dirt from Ukraine – and calls his former boss a narcissist and a “dick”.

Sondland also takes aim at Mike Pompeo, Trump’s secretary of state, who is now a potential candidate for the Republican presidential nomination in 2024.

Sondland criticizes Pompeo for firing him over his impeachment testimony and allegedly reneging on a promise to pay his legal fees. Sondland also hits Pompeo for not inviting Volodymyr Zelenskiy, the president of Ukraine, to Washington but inviting the Russian foreign minister twice.

Sondland, a hotelier, donated $1m to Trump after the 2016 election and became EU ambassador two years later. His memoir, The Envoy: Mastering the Art of Diplomacy with Trump and the World – “pause here to allow 10,000 career diplomats to roll their eyes”, the Washington Post quipped in May – will be published on 25 October. The Guardian obtained a copy.

Retelling Trump’s first impeachment, Sondland describes efforts to push Ukraine to investigate Trump’s enemies, including the role of Rudy Giuliani, Trump’s personal attorney.

He rejects criticism from the whistleblower, Alexander Vindman, and ex-Trump advisers John Bolton and Fiona Hill, who in her own impeachment testimony famously said Bolton, the national security adviser, mentioned Sondland was helping to “cook up” a “drug deal” regarding Ukraine.

In testimony, Sondland described Trump’s attempted quid pro quo: a White House visit for Zelenskiy and the release of military aid in return for investigations of targets including Joe and Hunter Biden.

Sondland now insists there was nothing unusual about this, writing “Quid pro quos happen all the time” and quoting – bizarrely – as evidence both the comedian Jerry Seinfeld and “studies that show when married men pitch in and clean the bathroom, they have more sex”.

But his testimony earned the ire of Trump loyalists including Jared Kushner, the president’s son-in-law, who Sondland suspects may have told Pompeo to fire him.

As for Pompeo, “I knew that the second I had mentioned the secretary’s name in my testimony, he would be pissed that I had dragged him in. But for me to have testified in any other way would have amounted to a series of false statements. Once I made clear Pompeo’s knowledge of what was going on related to Ukraine, I surmise the secretary … wanted me out.”

Discussing his time as ambassador, Sondland says Trump was “essentially right about many things, including how out of whack our relationship with Europe has become”.

But he also attributes Trump’s shortcomings as a leader, including an “inability to clearly explain things”, to factors including his narcissism. On that score, Sondland describes reminding Trump in 2016 that “you were kind of a dick to me when we first met”. Trump, he says, said he hadn’t thought Sondland important enough to be nice to.

Working for Trump, Sondland says, “was like staying at an all-inclusive resort. You’re thrilled when you first arrive, but things start to go downhill fast. Quality issues start to show. The people who work the place can be rude and not so bright. Attrition is a huge problem. And eventually, you begin to wonder why you agreed to the deal in the first place.”

In the vein of tell-alls by bigger Trump players and accounts by Washington reporters, Sondland describes instances of bizarre behavior.

Trump is shown baffling a group of German auto executives by complaining that the seats in their cars have become too hard to use.

“There’s too many damned buttons and knobs,” Trump said. “… What’s wrong with the old-fashioned grab bar, under the seat? Forward. Back. That’s all you need!”

Sondland says the outburst met with “awkward silence”, before Dieter Zetsche, of Daimler, mollified Trump by saying facial recognition technology would soon negate the need for twiddling with buttons, knobs or bars.

More seriously, in describing preparation for meeting the president of Romania in August 2019, Sondland describes how Trump dodged briefings.

“When I get to the Oval Office,” he writes, “the door is open, country music blasting from inside. Trump, sitting at the Resolute Desk, catches a glimpse of me … and beckons, ‘Get in here and tell me which song you like.’

“An aide is … with him, her face like a deer in headlights. ‘He’s choosing which song to use for his walk-on,’ she manages to yell over the noise. He’s vetting the theme music for his next rally. Really. Trump does focus on some details, and this is an important one. Never mind that the Oval Office sounds like a country western bar, and we are supposed to be prepping for a visit with a foreign leader. He skips forward through a couple of tracks.

“‘Mr President, [Klaus] Iohannis is showing up any minute. Don’t you want to be brought up to speed?’ I yell, scanning my briefing paper. At this moment, a group of officials and dignitaries are gathered in the Cabinet Room for an advance discussion, waiting for us. DJ Trump gives me little further response, so I walk down the hall to meet the others.”

Later, Sondland gave Trump “a few quick tidbits about the president of Romania and how we’re friends with them because we’re both opposed to a natural gas pipeline that Vladimir Putin wants to build from Russia to Eastern Europe”.

As the two men waited for Iohannis to arrive, Sondland says, Trump “pull[ed] out a box of Tic Tacs” and “scarf[ed] them down”.

Sondland said: “Aren’t you going to share?”

“Slightly sheepish, Trump pulls out the white mints and shakes some into my hand. When you call him out on not acting like a normal person, it catches him off guard – and then he kind of likes it. People do it too infrequently.”

What the fuck.

[mary-ann84]

Lost Without You

Characters: Henry Cavill x you

Words: 1.772

Warnings: Heartbreak, Tears but with a Happy Ending. 

Biiig thank you to @wondersofdreaming for being my beta. 

The GIF I used belonged to @henrycavilledits

This story was inspired by the song ‘Lost Without You’ by Freya Ridings. I do not own any of characters besides the reader, who is a figment of my imagination. 

I am reposting this with an updated taglist.

Feedback is appreciated 

******************************

Tears in his eyes. His hands grabbing your arms, holding you tight.

Begging you to stay. Asking you to tell him why you are breaking up with him.

But you can’t. You have to.

Thinking that you are holding him back. That he is better off without you.

“I’m sorry Henry. I can’t.” Tears streaming down your face. “Please let me go.” You whisper with a broken voice.

He releases you. He has a devastating look on his face as he watches you turn around and walk out the door. Out of his life.

Now you are here, sitting in the audience of ‘The Graham Norton Show’ and you just found out that Henry is one of tonight's guests.

Your best friend dragged you here. You have been a mess since the break-up.

Pretending to be all right in front of your family and friends. That it didn’t affect you when they were talking about Henry.

There has been a lot of buzz around him lately with ‘The Witcher’ coming out, and when people would ask you how you are feeling, you just simply answered that you are happy for him.

Your best friend, however, knows you better than anyone. She is the one that called you out.

“Why the hell did you break up with him y/n? I want to know! He is miserable without you?”

“How do you know? He is probably perfectly fine without me.”

“Well, he’s not, y/n. He came to see me. He is downright miserable.”

You tell her everything. How your insecurities have gotten the better of you. About the comments on social media when your relationship became public. The whispers of women. “Why the hell is he with her?”

“She is not that pretty.” “She’s fat!”

"He can do so much better.”

“She is holding him back.”

By the time you were done, you had been a sobbing mess and she was holding you in her arms.

“Ow y/n, you know that is just them being jealous. He loves you. You need to talk to him. Let him know why you broke up with him.”

“It’s no use. He is off to film ‘The Witcher’ anyway. I don’t want to bother him.”

“But y/n?”

“No! Do you hear me? What’s done is done. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

She never brought it up after that. You really thought she dropped it. That was until now.

You gave her a look to tell her that she was in trouble, and you stood up to leave.

“You can’t go y/n. The show is about to start.”

“But I…”

“No buts. It’s ok, just, calm down. He won’t be able to see you. Not with us sitting all the way back here.”

So, you sit back down and pray you will survive this.

It’s not like you haven’t seen him at all. You have seen pictures, and you still follow him on IG.

But this is a different situation. This time he is here in the flesh.

You have to admit you are excited to see him, and your friend is right there is no way he can see you sitting all the way here.

So, you decide to relax and enjoy the show.

“And this man played a villain in ‘Mission: Impossible Fallout’, earth’s greatest hero as Superman and now he is battling monsters in the new fantasy series ‘The Witcher’. Please welcome, Henry Cavill!”

Henry steps on stage and your heart skips a beat.

He looks so good.

The conversation starts.

“Now Ruth, look at you and your beefcake sandwich.”

You see Henry laughing

You miss that sound and the way he laughs with his whole body.

He laughed a lot when you were together. Whether it was something that you were watching or him beating you at whatever game you were playing.

But more often than not, you were the one that made him laugh. He said that that was one of the things he loves about you.

Then Henry starts talking about 'The Witcher'. He talks so passionately about it; it reminds you of the time when he told you he got the part.

You are at home when all of a sudden you hear some noise at the door, and you see Kal running towards it.

"Love are you home? Love!"

"I'm here honey. What's the emergency?"

He looks at you with the biggest smile on his face and walks towards you.

"I got the part y/n. I'm going to be Geralt of Rivia. I'm The Witcher!"

You scream and jump in his arms. "Oh my god, that's amazing! I knew you would get it. I am so proud of you."

"Thank you, sweetheart. Now let's celebrate!"

The thought brings tears to your eyes, but you keep your composure.

The conversation on the stage continues. You try to follow it as best as you can and focus on the other guests.

But every once in awhile, you find yourself looking at Henry.

And then all of a sudden you look straight into his eyes. Your heart stops.

Did he see me? No, he didn’t.

But the look in his eyes tells you differently. It's a look of recognition, surprise, shock.

You give him a small smile and you see him smiling back giving you a little nod.

This makes you feel warm all over and the rest of the show you notice that he keeps on looking in your direction.

You expected that he would give you a cold look but there is only warmth and love in his eyes.

It's the look he has given you when you were together. Whether that would be at home or out with family and friends.

The look that made your heart swell and burst with love for him. That makes you blush and have butterflies in your stomach. Sometimes it got to be too much, and you had to look away. That always made him smile.

How can he still look at me like that after what I did? He doesn't still love me, does he?

And then it hits you. He still loves you and you still love him.

You are so lost in your thoughts that you almost miss the performance of Robbie Williams.

By the time the show ends you are ready to go. You have to get out of here.

The realization that he still loves you and that you still love him is too much.

Your friend is taking her time putting on her coat.

While she was doing that you see a door open at the other end of the room and there is Henry. His eyes immediately find you. You see him walking towards you and that is when you say goodbye to your friend and leave.

You hear both of them call your name. But you can’t stay.

You practically run home, and by the time you get there, you are out of breath.

You try to find your keys in your purse, dropping them on the ground. You are unlocking your door when you hear a deep voice behind you calling your name.

It’s Henry.

How the hell did he get here so fast?

He stands in front of you, hands in his pockets.

"Can I come in? Please y/n we need to talk."

You feel like you have no choice. You owe him this at least. You let him in and walk to the living room. You stand in front of each other.

"Henry, I…"

"I know why you broke up with me y/n."

"Ok, so you know and..."

"And you should have told me about your insecurities. We could have talked about them. I could always come to you with mine, why did you feel you couldn't come to me with yours?"

"I don't know Henry, ok, it just got too much and… aah!"

"It was everything combined. The comments on social media. People saying that I am not good enough for you, not pretty enough, that I'm fat. That I was holding you back. And that they hoped that I didn’t come with you while you were filming ‘The Witcher’, that you should break up with me and find someone else!"

Your voice breaks and then everything from the past year just comes crashing down. You start to cry, and you cover your face with your hands.

You feel him taking you in his arms. He holds you till you calm down and stop crying.

"Look at me y/n."

You look straight into his eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes that have a somewhat sad look in them but still with loving warmth.

"I don't care what people have said. You are beautiful, sexy, smart, loving and you have a great sense of humor. You were always there for me when I needed you. Supported me in everything I did. I miss you. I miss your voice, your scent, your touch, your laugh, your brain. The way you touch me. How you scrunch up your nose when you are thinking about something really hard. I miss holding you in my arms, kissing each other. Having sex, making love and waking up in each other’s arms."

"Henry…"

"And one more thing. I love you. Do you hear me y/n? I don't give a fuck what anybody else says. I LOVE YOU!"

By the time he is done talking, tears are streaming down his face and this time you embrace him.

You can’t deny it any longer. You love him as much as he loves you. You want to be with him.

And if he can come here and bare his soul to you, then at least you can do is to trust that you can do the same for him.

"Henry, I am so sorry that I broke up with you. I miss you too. I miss everything about you.

You look at him. 

"I'm sorry I believed them instead of believing in you, believing in us. I was a mess when I broke up with you. I have felt so alone, so lost without you. I love you too. I have never stopped loving you."

Henry smiles at you, puts his forehead against yours and whispers: "Then come back to me, sweetheart. I want us to be together again.

"I want that too."

“Let’s go home darling. I’m not the only one that misses you.”

And for the first time, in a long time, he kisses you. A long, warm, loving kiss. Full with passion, love and the promise that from now on you will be together forever.

[sj-thefan]

Under the Moonlight P.3 (Ahkmenrah x reader)

Hey there! So It’s been a while since I updated this series, aka over a year, so please forgive me. Thank you for reading, if you do! I really enjoy this story. I’m thinking there may be one or two parts after this.

The events of the 2nd movie (Battle of the Smithsonian) have been changed, i.e. Abraham Lincoln does not crash through the window at the end. Also, it’s never mentioned how Kahmunrah knows how to speak multiple languages, which bothers me, but I didn’t care enough to create a backstory.

Also, as a reminder, bolded text is spoken in Arabic.

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Taglist:

@megalony​

@beautiful-tragic-fallout

@zoemonster200​

@a--1--1--3​

@mp0625​

Larry would never freely give the combination to Kahmunrah. The self-proclaimed “Pharaoh” had trapped his friends, sent some of history’s worst bad guys after him, and was an all-around evil bastard. Larry knew he would have to make a deal with the Pharaoh to save his friends, but he wouldn’t give him anything until he knew his friends were safe.

They stood in the centre of the room, arguing over who should hand over their half of the deal first.

Kahmunrah gave Larry an ultimatum, “How about I don't kill you right now, like I really, really want to, and I give you precisely five seconds to give me that tablet and tell me the combination?”

Kahmunrah’s newfound army entered the room at that moment, interrupting the two arguing men. In Al Capone’s hand was a little Einstein bobblehead.

“We already got the combination,” Al Capone exclaimed. “It's pi. –3.14159265.” He flicked the little Einstein, shushing him. “See, Crazy Hair here, he sang. Ho-ho-ho, did he sing! Like a canary.” He held the bobblehead up to Larry like he was showing off a prize.

“I’m sorry, Larry,” the Einstein frowned.

Sensing Larry’s distraction, Kahmunrah jerked the tablet from his arms. He threw the hourglass containing Jed, over his shoulder. “Must be a real bummer for you, Larry, knowing that all of your valiant efforts were, in the end, for naught.” He placed the tablet into his gate, beginning to press in the combination. “What a terrible disappointment you must be to yourself.”

The tablet began to glow, catching the attention of everyone in the room. Kahmunrah smirked as a quiet humming, filled the room.

“Do you hear that humming sound? Do you know what that sound is?” Ivan the Great raised his hand. “It's rhetorical.” He slowly put his hand back down as his fellow soldiers leered at him. “That is the sound of the End.” Kahmunrah began chanting in Egyptian.

As he continued chanting, the gate began to open. It started with the carved sarcophagus coming out of the stone. Then the door turned, revealing the gateway to the underworld. It was bright, and many of the people in the room found themselves shielding their eyes. The Egyptian chanting grew louder as it echoed from the open door.

“Welcome to the new, extended reign of Kahmunrah, Fifth King of Egypt and now the world! Horus, Ra, my warriors, come forth!” Egyptian warriors with bird heads emerged from the gate. “Send Larry Daley and his friends to their doom!” They surrounded Larry, attacking him as commanded.

“Halt,” a voice rang through the room, catching everyone’s attention. “The mighty Octavius has returned! I ride on the back of nature's most fearsome creature! I ride the squirrel! Forward now, my mighty steed!” He urged the squirrel forward, rushing through the feet of the soldier until he stood in front of Kahmunrah. He lifted his sword. “Do you wish to surrender honourably? Or must this end with the spilling of your blood?”

Kahmunrah turned his attention back to Larry. “This… This is your big rescue?”

Another voice rang out, catching everyone’s attention again. “Kahmunrah!”

His face fell when he saw who had interrupted him. He clenched his jaw. “You,” he pointed to a group of his underworld soldiers before gesturing to the people who had just entered, “change of plans. Kill her.”

Y/n stood at the entrance of the room, surrounded by some Egyptian soldiers and the group of New York Exhibits. Amelia Earhart had also arrived with several of the Smithsonian exhibits she and Larry had encountered that day.

Kahmunrah’s underworld soldiers approached the group, their spears aimed at Y/n.

“Stop,” she shouted, and the bird soldiers paused in shock. “I am Y/n, wife of Ahkmenrah, and Kahmunrah is no rightful king.” The birds turned to look at Kahmunrah, and everyone else, although they didn’t understand what was being said, followed their eye line. “He’s a cheat. He killed his brother, the chosen heir to the throne, just before he was to become Pharaoh. My husband, the rightful king, and my child, the future heir, are dead because of him. He is a traitor to Egypt. I ask you now, will you follow me—the once future queen of Egypt—or will you follow the traitor.”

The soldiers looked between the two Egyptian rulers. What she said had truth to it. Kahmunrah, although claiming to be the king of Egypt, had no Egyptian soldiers following him. Y/n had several Egyptian followers. After a minute of deliberation, they all came to the same conclusion. They turned their weapons to Kahmunrah.

Y/n smirked as Kahmunrah’s face morphed into fear. Larry slowly exited the circle that surrounded him and joined his friends.

Y/n stepped forward until she was face to face with Kahmunrah. “You should have known we’d never leave the tablet alone.”

“I was foolishly optimistic.”

Y/n turned to the underworld soldiers. “Your rest should never have been interrupted. Thank you for your service to the crown. You may return to the afterworld, but take this traitor with you.”

“You can’t do this, Y/n,” Kahmunrah snarled as he felt the soldiers grip his arm and pull him towards the gate. “I am a king.”

“You are a traitor, and you’ll find that although Egypt’s soldiers will never harm royalty, traitors are free game.” Y/n watched as the soldiers began dragging him to the gate and disappearing into the underworld. “They’ll do as they’re told.”

When the gate door finally closed, she grabbed the tablet and tucked it under her arm. She turned to the men that had been following Kahmunrah. In perfect English, she said, “Kahmunrah was a traitor to his own people. I suggest next time you chose a leader with more wisdom.” She smiled. “Now, I hope you will all return to whence you came in an orderly manner. I would hate to disturb the underworld a second time; they might be angry.”

The men looked at each other before quickly leaving the room.

The room was silent. Y/n looked around the room, accessing the damage her brother-by-marriage had done to the beautiful space.

Larry was in shock. He was glad she had shown up, but he had no idea who she was or what she wanted. For all he knew, she could be worse than Kahmunrah. He had heard Ahkmenrah’s name come up in the conversation between the Egyptians, but he had no idea what the context was.

The Egyptian soldiers that stood in front of the New York group went to the woman as she called them. Larry took the opportunity to talk with his friends without possibly causing them more harm by disrespecting any of the Egyptians.

“What just happened?” His eyes stayed focused on the group across the way as the woman gave them instructions, pointing to different places in the room.

“That there is Queen Y/n,” Amelia stated. “Quite the powerful lady, I’m not sure we’d have won this without her.”

“Why’d she help us?” Jedediah asked as he climbed out of the hourglass.

Y/n finished instructing her soldiers and made her way towards the group.

“She’s Ahkmenrah’s wife,” Sacagewea whispered.

Several of the exhibits bowed their head when Y/n came to stand in front of them.

“There’s no need for that,” Y/n dismissed. She smiled as she turned her attention to Larry. “Thank you for trying to keep this safe.” She gestures to the tablet in her arms.

“It was no problem, your highness.”

“Please, my name is Y/n.” Larry smiled an apology. “I must ask, though, it seems as if you have experience with the tablet. How have you come to possess it?”

Larry shrugged. “I’ve never really possessed it. It belongs to Ahkmenrah; I’ve just been trying to help protect it.”

Y/n’s eyes widened. “Ahkmenrah?” She quickly scanned the crowd. “Is he here?”

“He’s in New York,” Jedediah said.

“I see,” Y/n said, her face falling slightly. “Then we must go there immediately.”

Larry frowned. It would be costly enough to pay for all the exhibits to return to New York. He didn’t know how much it would cost to add a mummy onto it. He thought back to his journey through the museum. He hadn’t spotted her all night. In fact, all the Egyptian exhibits that he had encountered were in the basement. Perhaps, the Smithsonian wouldn’t notice if a single mummy went missing.

They’d have to move quickly; the sun would be coming up in just a few hours. In less than ten minutes, Larry had guided all the exhibits into a plane, and they were headed back to New York.

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