#and it made me feel a little bad it was so frustrating and lowkey upsetting

[jabeur]

ok i got a little emotional bc i have gotten so much better at putting on nail polish and it's 😭

[loveslibrarywp]

Tis the season

Modern!Aemond Targaryen x fem!reader

Summary: Your boyfriend, Aemond, hasn’t been paying much attention to you. He’s always so caught up in work or his books, so you decide to find your own way for him to pay attention to you.

Warnings: NSFW. p in v sex. Teasing. Lingerie kink. Daddy kink. Sub!reader. Light Subspace. Creampie. Unprotected sex. Aemond being a meanie. Aemond wears glasses.

Authors note: felt a little jolly so I decided to write this bs. It’s lowkey shit but Merry Christmas!

Aemond had been very busy this holiday season with his family’s business and other things that needed his attention. Yet, he didn’t realize his girlfriend needed his attention as well.

You had been very frustrated due to the lack of affection your boyfriend had been given you. So, you decided to…mess with him a bit. Maybe get him a tad bit riled up.

You had recently bought a red mesh piece from a lingerie store at the mall for Christmas. It came with a top that made your tits look amazing and some skimpy, lacy panties.

Aemond loved whenever you’d dress up for him in see through night dresses or lacy underwear sets. You knew whenever he’d see you in your little outfit, he would fall right into your trap.

You peak into your shared room with your outfit tucked behind your back. Aemond was sat up on your big bed with a book in his hands. His long hair was tied up into a bun and his glasses on the bridge on his nose. He was dressed in a tight black T-shirt and some grey sweats. Lord, the sight of him like that was enough to get you all worked up.

You quickly ran to the bathroom in the hallway and shut the door quietly to not disturb him. You took of your clothes and threw on the red lingerie.

You looked amazing. Your tits were pushed up and on display and the mesh on the torso showed off the top of the red lace panties on your hips. You fixed your hair to make it look decent and spritzed on some perfume.

You huffed, feeling a bit nervous to be doing this. What if he got upset for trying to distract him or just simply ignored you?

You pushed all those bad thoughts aside and took a big breath in to calm your nerves. You quietly walked out of the bathroom and into the room. His eyes never even looked up at you, they stayed onto his stupid book.

You huffed, but an idea came into your head. You climbed onto the bed and into his lap. Your ass was on his crotch and your hands on his lower stomach. “What do you need?” He asked, his eye were still on his book. You started to get frustrated with him. You huffed.

His eyes finally caught yours and your form. He leaned his book down and stared at you with wide eyes. “Holy shit..” he mumbled as he took your beauty in. You smiled at his reaction, you felt excited that you were about to get what you wanted.

“What’s all this for, baby? Not that I’m complaining…” he asked as he set his book down and laid his hands on your hips. “I want you to pay attention to me…daddy.” You said with a smirk. You knew exactly how to get him going.

“Oh, sweet girl. Have I not being paying much attention to you lately?” He asked with a sympathetic expression on his gorgeous face. You nod your head, your hands drifted up his shirt and traced his strong abdomen.

“I’m so sorry, baby. Daddy will treat you good tonight.” He smirked as he moved his hands to your ass, gripping it roughly. You moved your lips to his, pressing them into a rough kiss.

Your lips moved together in sync. Your hands moved up to grip his broad shoulders as his stayed on your ass, moving your hips down onto his crotch.

You whimpered into his mouth at the feeling of his hard on growing underneath you. His hands moved up your body, caressing every inch of your skin. You felt like you were on fire with the arousal you were feeling burning inside of you.

He broke the kiss, “I’m gonna fuck you in this little outfit, that okay baby?” He asked, pulling his shirt off of his torso. Your mouth began to water at the sight of his toned body.

“I’m gonna need an answer before I start, honey.” He laughed. “Just fuck me, Aemond.” You said as you brought your hands down to the hem of his pants.

“I’m about too, baby.” He said, moving your panties aside and dipping his finger inside your wet cunt. He groaned at the feeling on his fingers. He rubbed the tip of his fingers onto your clit, making you shutter.

He removed his fingers, earning his a whine from you. He pushed his sweats and underwear aside and took out his cock. He gave himself a few pumps before running the tip across your cunt.

He slapped his tip against your swollen clit, making you whimper once again. “Please..” you whined, he chuckled at your pleads, “so desperate..”

He lined himself up with your entrance and pushed himself in. You both moaned at the feeling of each other. You leaned into him and hid your face into his neck. He held you close as he helped you bounce on his cock.

The feeling of him thrusting in and out of you made you dumb, like you couldn’t talk or breathe or anything. All you could do was feel.

“Such a good little girl for me, aren’t you?” He cooed in your ear, his hot breath fanning onto your cheek. You nodded into his neck and gripped his shoulders to keep you propped up.

“Already going dumb on daddy’s cock, huh pretty girl?” He said, moving his right hand towards your cunt and his fingers onto your clit. You gasped at his touch on your clit, he added such an intense stimulation to what you were already feeling.

Your whimpers and moans filled the room, his soft and low grunts could only be heard by you. You felt your peak coming soon, it was racing to the edge.

“Daddy…’m close..” you whined into his ear as you slammed your hips down onto his. He smiled at you with such desire, “Cum baby, you deserve it since daddy hasn’t been treating you very good.” He said as he kissed your cheek.

His pace was fast and rough, his fingers moving fast on your clit. Your peak came fast and hard. You moaned loudly into his neck and Aemond helped you through your orgasam as he chased his own. His groans growing louder as his peak came.

He filled your cunt with his cum. You both just held each other for a moment as you tried to catch your breaths. “I love you, daddy..” you said as you laid your head onto his shoulder and looked up at him.

He looked down at you with his hair messy and his glasses fogged up and a lopsided smile painted onto his face, “I love you too, sweet girl. I’m sorry for not paying attention to you. It will not happen ever again, my pretty baby.”

You smiled up at him and nod. You felt so happy that he was finally paying you attention again. “Wanna go make some cookies and watch Christmas movies?” You asked.

“Is that even a question?”

[reasonsmandy]

Your special someone

Eddie Roundtree × Fem!Reader

✧.* requested by anon — Hey could u possibly do an imagine with Eddie where y/n is graham and Billy’s sister and she just tours with the band and like one day she’s just sitting out on her own lowkey on the verge of tears cause she’s scared of what Billy’s becoming with his addiction so Eddie sees her and holds her and they have a moment and start to get closer and more touchy with each other (cuddly) and when billy goes to rehab her and Eddie take a trip together to wherever (you decide) and then Eddie confesses that he’s in love with her and she also confesses? You can add whatever u want but that’s just the general basis of it.

✧.* summary — Your brother's addiction to drugs made you more and more worried about him, you looked for a way to make him better, and in that moment of anguish the person who supported you the most was Eddie. And over time your relationship grew into something more.

✧.* warnings — mention of drugs, addicted Billy, maybe some mistakes in the timeline of the book (sorry about that).

✧.* word count — 2.4k

✧.* 🎸 — Eddie's masterlist

✧.* mandy's notes — I love writing declarations of love, this one made my heart warm. Hope you like it <3

Being the sister of two rockstars was the biggest wish of all those people who were screaming for The six out there, but for you your brothers were much more than rock stars, they were what kept you sane, your foundations. Billy, Graham and you were always very close, and since you were little you always took care of each other.

Your love for them was something so big that you didn't have words to explain, even with all the mistakes - especially Billy's - you weren't able to stay upset with them for long.So when they told you they were going to LA to further the band's career your heart almost broke at the thought of being away from them for so long. You then talked to your mother and with the help of your brothers you convinced her to let you go with them.

Being with them throughout this trajectory filled your heart with pride, you could hardly believe that at that moment you were backstage at one of their concerts that was sold out. Words weren't enough to express your pride in them, and seeing them wearing the clothes you made was even more rewarding.

However, as unfortunately not everything is always happiness, you had spent the last days of the tour extremely worried about Billy. The last few days he was clearly overindulging in drugs and booze, even bringing you flashbacks of your father… The fight with Camila had sparked a much bigger drug craving in the older Dunne, he couldn't seem to stop and it was more and more visible.

Graham Dunne: Y/N tried to warn me, but we didn't really understand what addiction was back then. I thought he would recover with time, that it was just a relapse.

Y/N Dunne: I knew he was in bad shape, I didn't recognize my brother anymore... And if I'm honest with you, I was terrified.

Billy was once again snorting another line of cocaine, and watching your big brother do this made your heart clench in frustration.

"Billy, don't you think it's enough?" Concerned, you approach him, touching his shoulder.

"Are you my mother now?" He says rolling his eyes, pulling away from you. "I know when to stop, you don't have to take care of me."

He says as he walks away from you, staggering a little while feeling the effect of what he used. Not knowing what to do, you sit down, worried about what it all could cause later, the consequences of it all. They had just played the last song, the crowd's celebration was thrilling, and you knew you couldn't stay to watch your brother tear himself apart like he always did at the end of every show.

So you decided to take some time alone, you needed to think about how to help him, and since Graham didn't want to instruct you or at least think of something to solve it, you felt helpless… It wasn't like you could call your mother for help, after all she was in Pittsburgh and Billy was old enough for her to be able to force him to stop.

Eddie had become one of your best friends over the years, you were very close and he knew your concern for Billy and how it was affecting you. He had thought and even tried to talk to Billy about it but as usual he didn't listen to the blonde, so all he could do was try to calm you down, make you feel better.

As soon as Roundtree comes down from the stage, his eyes look for you, when he notices your absence he starts to worry because he knew that you always liked to be there at the end of the shows to congratulate them.

"Warren, have you seen Y/N?" the bassist asks.

"No man, did something happen?" Rojas asks, noticing his friend's worried expression.

"Thank you" he says not answering the drummer's question, heading towards the open part of the place hoping to find you there.

It was already half past midnight, the moon lit the streets along with the streetlights and you cried when you thought about the state your brother was in, it's very difficult to see someone you love with all your heart and soul in a situation like that, and the fear of losing him became more and more alive in you.

You sobbed while letting the tears escape, it was as if you were getting rid of, or at least trying to, a weight that had tormented you for many days. You wanted to have the solution for Billy, you wanted to be able to help him but your hands were tied.

Eddie saw you sat with your hands on your face, his chest tightened to see you sad like that, he cared about you in a way he couldn't explain and he hated when anything made you feel bad. The bassist was in love with you for a long time, he loved every detail about you and would probably do anything to see you well.

He approaches you slowly, expecting you to notice his presence, but you didn't. Roundtree reaches out his arm to poke your shoulder, You wipe your tears in an attempt to hide it from whoever was there, but when you notice it was him you smile weakly shaking your head, showing him that you weren't fine… that you needed him there.

"Is it okay if I sit here?" He whispers, waiting for your confirmation.

"Of course Ed'' You reply, holding out your hand for him to take, which he does.

"I hate seeing you like this…" He says, lacing his fingers through yours. "What can I do to help you, love?"

You smile at the nickname, you two had this way of treating each other which you decided not to name, you had a relationship that with all the characteristics could be called loving, but the two of you for some reason didn't want to risk making things different by talking about.

You were very affectionate with each other, hugs, nights sleeping together, cuddling and sometimes some make out sessions.

"I wanted so much to help him Eddie" Without holding back the tears you say, laying your head on his shoulder. "I hate seeing him like this, I feel so useless"

"Oh my love, you do your best for him" He says, enveloping you in a hug where you knew you could feel safe. "If you want I can help you with that idea you had"

Last night while you were in bed, you told Eddie your idea to call Teddy Price to help Billy, you were sure he would listen if it was Price who told him to control himself. The only problem is that you had no contact with him, and you had no idea how to get in contact with him without Billy knowing.

You watch him closely, the tears in your eyes started to fall you felt so supported by him, you know he would always be there for you. Relieved you let out a sigh, hugging him tighter. He hugs you back, stroking your back assuring you as much as he can that he'll be always there for you.

"You can count on me for whatever you need." He says, placing a kiss on your head. "I'll talk to Warren, he might know his number or where he is."

"I don't even know how to thank you." Eddie noticed that you were much more relieved the more you talked.

"I know…" He says smiling, you take your gaze to him. "Let's rest? I want you to be at peace with all of this, I'll sort it out. Do you trust me?"

"With my life" You smile, planting a kiss on the bassist's cheek.

…

It had been a few weeks since Billy had been in rehab, and although the fact that he was away was something that made you anxious you knew it was for his own good and that was enough. With Billy's absence the shows were cancelled, and they had to pass back the money the record company gave them, and with this free time you all took the opportunity to take a break before looking for any job.

Warren was obsessed with the boats that were around there, and he didn't spend a day away from the beach to have any chance of getting on one. Graham spent half his time with Karen, and although they swore no one knew about them, you knew your brother… you knew he was madly in love with her.

And you were now packing your bags for a trip with Eddie, you didn't have a lot of money for an extraordinary trip, but when he told you the idea of ​​going to a cabin just the two of you your eyes lit up with excitement. Eddie and you were in that friends-with-benefits thing, and although you wanted to make it official the fear of losing him spoke louder, after all Eddie was a rock star and rock stars didn't date seriously, you thought.

So besides the invitation to the trip that took you by surprise, you couldn't wait to be alone with him enjoying each other's company.

"Are you ready beautiful?" He asks, wrapping his arms around your waist.

"Almost Eddie, give me just a second" You open the closet, taking a few more things to complete your checklist. "Now I'm ready."

You turn to him, smiling with excitement the blonde places a kiss on your lips and looks you from head to toe

"You are wonderful..." He takes your hand, heading towards the exit with your bag in the other free hand.

After an hour of travel you arrived at the cabin, it was very cozy and would certainly be a great house for you that weekend. Inside, the decor was super characteristic, several vinyl records hanging on the walls, a fireplace with some armchairs around it. Upstairs is just the suite where you were going to sleep, you went up the stairs excitedly throwing yourself on the bed.

"Eddie this is amazing! I'm in love with everything here" You take your gaze to the window behind the bed, which had a wonderful view of the forest and lake beyond you.

"I'm glad you liked it my love" He lays down next to you on the bed, holding your hand he brings it to his mouth to kiss your knuckles. "It's always good to get away from problems with you"

You turn onto your stomach, looking tenderly at the blonde he smiles as he takes a closer look at your face, he was madly in love with you.

"If I could I would stay with you here forever" You approach him, kissing his nose. "So what? What are the plans for today?"

You and Roundtree had spent the afternoon enjoying each other's company, you danced together, he played a few songs while you ventured out to sing a little, then you decided to prepare things for dinner. And now, with only the moonlight illuminating you, the two of you were sitting in the cabin's backyard.

Just you and the noises of nature, you were sharing a bench you snuggled between the bassist's legs getting a cuddle from him, keeping your eyes closed. Eddie watches you, not believing that someone as wonderful as you was there with him, he didn't believe he was the lucky man who had the chance to hold you in his arms.

However, the thought that you could be with anyone else came to the blonde's mind after all... You weren't official. He knew you wouldn't do something without talking to him first, he trusted you, but the thought that someone could have the courage he didn't have to declare himself to you made him despair.

"I need to tell you something" The bassist says, making you open your eyes and watch him carefully.

"You can say it, I'm here for you." You say, smiling in an attempt to calm the boy who had a rapid heartbeat at this point. "You know I won't judge you or anything…"

"Y/N I can't pretend this doesn't affect me in a different way anymore" He lets out, making you startle at his choice of words.

"What do you mean?" You shift in the chair to look into his eyes.

"I can't pretend that I'm not in love with you baby." He concluded, now making your heart skip a beat. "I am in love with every detail that shapes you, I'm crazy about your smile, you're the most talented person I know, and also the kindest person ever...I mean, you can be nice to Billy! This is the hardest thing a human being can do."

He says making you laugh with the last sentence, slapping the bassist on the shoulder saying non-verbally "hey, that's my brother!"

"There is no one that makes me feel the way you do, and you know I'm terrible at showing what I feel, and even worse trying to put my feelings into words, but when it comes to you… fuck, Y/N! I can change the world just to see you smile" He says, bringing his hands to your waist, seeking closeness. "And I would never forgive myself if I let the best person in the world slip through my hands without even saying how I feel. I love you so much"

You can feel a few tears form in your eyes, an involuntary smile appears on your face when you hear those very beautiful words. Eddie Roundtree was the man that made you sigh, in many ways, he was the man that made you feel special, that made you feel safe, he was the person that would not only be there to help you, but to give you support in everything you set out to do. He was your special someone.

Without wasting time you end the distance between you with a kiss, your hands go towards the bassist's neck from time to time taking your fingers to the man's hair, he kisses you tenderly like he wants it to last forever, like he doesn't want to feel you far away anymore.

"I'm crazy for you Eddie" You confess, your foreheads were together while your eyes were closed. "I love you, and I'm in love with you too baby."

Y/N Dunne: Well, Billy was in for a big surprise when he got back from rehab. *Laughing* He was jealous for sure, but he knew deep down that there was no one who made me feel better than Eddie.

Eddie Roundtree: What can I say? I'm in love with her.

...

Hi, I hope you enjoyed it... If you wanted to ask for something my requests are open, and if you want to ask and don't have any ideas check out my prompt list :) xoxo

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[dreamties]

Ruined Worlds - Michael Myers x Gender Neutral! Reader

A/n- This was a request. Michael comforts you after your friends bail on you (again).

Word Count: 1,270

T/W: Swearing, it got lowkey a little spicy but it's just kissing <33, hurt/comfort. not a warning but mikey knows ASL in this 😏

Michael is paralyzed when he sees you. 

He’s comforted you in the past. He knows he’s capable of helping. But there’s something about how you’re seated in the living room that stops him.

You usually go to him or lay in bed with a cup of tea. You stay in the living room. Your phone sat idly on the ground, a large crack splitting across the screen. He can hear you sob into your hands, even though you cradle your face in your own rough embrace and against your knees (which are pulled up to your chest). Your whole body shakes as you let out a loud, frustrated noise. 

He’s never seen you in such a visceral state. He can almost see your hands tightening, till your knuckles go white. He’s afraid you’ll hurt yourself. 

Michael quietly sneaks in through the back door, approaching you behind the couch. He goes to tap your shoulder, wake you from your trance. 

“Fuck off. I hate you.”

Well, that wasn’t very nice of you. He had not expected that reaction. He takes his hand back to his side. He walks around to the front of the couch, standing in front of you. He reaches one of his big, rough hands to your face, prying your hands away.

You flinch at the sudden contact. You hadn’t quite realized Michael was in the room with you. 

Oh- oh no. You hope that he didn’t hear what you said.

You don’t mean to, but you’re still pissed with your previous situation, so your voice comes out snappy when it should be soft. Your voice is always soft towards Michael. 

“What do you need?”

Michael tilts his head at you. Your hands are caught in his own now, but you stubbornly glare at him before looking away. 

You can feel his eyes like an oncoming headache at the back of your skull. 

“I said; what? What do you need, Michael? I’m not in the mood for games right now.”

He reaches his other free hand to your face again, holding your chin between his index and thumb. He pushes your face towards him. Calling your attention to him. He waits till you’re finally looking at him and he can sign: what’s wrong?

You furrow your brows, your eyes still spilling tears, staining your cheeks. Your voice is smaller, choked, "what?"

"I-I'm fine. Mikey, baby, I'm okay." You attempt a smile, but all Michael can see are the tears welling in your eyes. The view from the window earlier, your shaking form. 

He shakes his head, so slowly, so invisible, that you can hardly see it. He holds your shoulders, thumbs pressed hard into your skin. It sends a rippling effect of shivers through your body. 

"It's just, fuck , Michael. I'm sorry. My fucking friends , they just. I had been so excited to see them and- I can't believe I was so stupid. "

He tilts his head.

"And, I know you're not gonna care. It's- whatever. You, just. I'm sorry. They just, we made plans, okay? We made plans and those fuckers just bailed on me! It's fucked up. I'm upset! Can I just be fucking upset?"

You can hardly contain your cries. Michael shouldn’t have to deal with you . . . like this. 

You were supposed to be more of a- a rock. Someone, that if Michael ever wanted to tell you what was in his head, could go to. And you were just- so selfish. He had better things to do then stand there, watching you ball your eyes out over nothing . 

Michael nods his head. He moves the coffee table out of the way and kneels down to the space in front of you. He closes his eyes, pausing for a brief moment, in thought. He taps at the edges of his mask, drawing your eyes back to your boyfriend. He brings it slowly off. His hair is a mess- you notice this first- there’s visible snarls and strands go every which way but in their natural curl pattern. Then there’s Michael’s bad eye, and the scar running past it. He’s got the smallest bit of stubble at his chin and old, faded scars.

Michael almost never takes his mask off, and never in a way to so deliberately bare himself to you. You get so lost in his face you don’t process at first what’s going on. Michael’s tapping his mask against your hands, in a gentle, careful way. You take it, and hold it in your lap. You quirk your head at him, like he’d done so many times before.

Your eyes still well with tears and you absolutely should wipe them away, but you have Myer’s mask in your hands- in your lap . You have to take care of it now. You give him a small smile. A croaky laugh. “Thank you.”

He smiles, uninhibited. He brings his hands up to yours, begging for you to let go of the mask. That it was okay. You give in. You allow him to envelop you in his cold caress. He leans up, kissing your cheeks, the corner of your eyes. Kissing the tears till they disappear on his lips. Till you’re giggling underneath. Till you clutch his hands with all the might you can muster.

You still seem a little upset when he pulls away, but it’s deeper, behind your eyes. It’s not on display any longer. He wishes it wasn’t there at all. 

He signs, I love you and I’m here.  

He signs, I’m here , again. He tries to emphasize the “I” part of it all, that he was there. Not your stupid friends. 

“Thank you, Mikey,” you give him a sad smile, and lean in to touch your nose to his. You’re slow to move in, drinking in all his features. “I was being silly.”

He shakes his head and surges forward, kissing you with a rough passion. It nearly knocks you back. “No.”

You move to speak again, Michael’s hands shushing you, running along your body. “Have every right to be upset.” Between kisses on your collar, and shoulders and chest. 

You place a hand against his chest, he doesn’t stop, but his movements slow down. He cocks his head at you, confused. He keeps kissing your neck. Waiting for sounds of approval. 

“Can we do this some other time?” You whisper. As he withdraws his movements, you retire your hands at the back of his neck, clung on to the fabric of his jumper and gray tee. You rest your head against his chest. 

He seems to get the memo, finally seating himself beside you on the couch. He pulls you into his lap, allowing you to cuddle into him. To breathe in his warmth. He gives nothing more than a second glance at his mask, discarded to the side. 

You seemed so content simply in his presence. He lets you run your hands through his tangled locks. So methodic; so therapeutic. He thinks about stalking your friends after work, and killing them where they feel safest, while you look at him with the softest eyes and kiss his cheek and hold his hands. You switch back and forth between different calming tasks. Playing with Mikey’s locks- they’re getting long, sort of like a mullet; picking at the dirt in his nails and admiring the strength amidst the mass of such things; cuddled into his side, doing nothing.

He couldn’t help you with your friend problem, per se. But he could be there. He could physically be there, when they fucking couldn’t.

Oh, baby, how he would ruin worlds for you. 

[pbs-theundeadmaggot]

all i have left to give

(AU) Steve Harrington x gn!reader

[a/n] If you haven't listened to Thousand Below’s latest album go check it out, I am literally obsessed with it. This is another song fic for Stevie cause he lowkey gives me soft angsty vibes. i’m not entirely sure about the end but I've spent months working on this piece trying to put my thoughts into words, cause the love I have for this song is beyond belief. As always reblogs are always appreciated and I would appreciate it even more if you would check out my latest fics as they have got zero attention and I’m feeling a lil insecure about them.

[warnings?] The upside down doesn’t exist, all ‘adult’ characters are aged down (18/19 yrs) and are all in their final year of high school. really its just angsty miscommunication/misunderstandings with a happy ending (although slightly ambiguous?). Also I have no idea how the american school system works so… and in the UK prom happens after you finish secondary school so thats what i’m going with for this.

other works available here!

20 odd years looking for the same heartbeat found in your rapport,

I see your eyes gleam and you’re happy with him.

You know the saying “you don’t realise what you have until it’s gone” well that never rung truer to Steve then it did right now. He’d been so caught up in a hurricane of mixed emotions that he’d completley neglected the one person who stood by him through all his parent's bullshit and more, you had seen him at both his best and worst yet you loved him regardless, even when he was being a huge asshole towards you, you couldn’t stop the swell of your heart beating against your ribcage, threatening to break through. You were there for him in a way no-one else ever was, whenever he was upset or frustrated you would hold him in your arms, wrapping him up like a saftey net and gently run your fingers through his soft hair, whispering that it was okay and that he was safe. He would cry on your shoulder almost shaking with nerves and sometimes anger and although it worried you, you let him continue until he could finally tell you what was wrong because in the end no matter what had happened, the two of you always confided in each other no matter how fucked up the situation may be. 

He didn’t even realise he’d lost you until he pulled up to school in his worn down car, he’d had a shitty couple of days which had made him irritated and all he wanted right now was to be wrapped in your soothing embrace, his parents constantly on his back about how much of a disappointment he was to them. It was never a “hi son, how are you?” Or “I’m so proud of you” and while he expected it from them, he still hoped that one day they might show him just a little care, yet that never happened. However, he didn’t expect the sight he saw, stopping in his tracks while his mood dampened even further. 

Edward Munson the resident freak had one arm wrapped around your shoulder, the other holding a cigarette. The smile that graced your face and the way you looked up at him with a fond gaze broke steve in half. You were wearing the infamous Hellfire club t-shirt, matching with Eddie and while his bad reputation stood stronger than ever, you looked like an angel. The two of you looked close, closer then he would’ve liked and it made him wonder how long the two of you had been a thing? How much had he missed?…

Steve wasn’t jealous. No. Why would he be? He just wasn’t used to seeing you with other guys, usually it was always just the two of you. Never needing anyone else when you had each other. Although, he had to admit he had been somewhat distant recently but not to the point where you would stop being friends with him and seek comfort from someone else, right? 

i’ll keep my distance so the light never dims.

Perhaps he’d been an idiot. Scratch that. He had been an idiot not even noticing how the last text you’d sent was weeks ago, how the daily calls the two of you had were all replaced by multiple missed calls that never got answered by him. He didn’t notice how you no longer had week long sleepovers together or midnight adventures to get ice cream. And he most certainly hadn’t noticed how your parents no longer greeted him when they saw him out and about, deciding to simply smile and wave from afar with a pitiful look in their eyes. 

Looking back on it now he should have known. He should have noticed. He was supposed to be your best friend, your twin flame yet he’d given all of that up to chase popularity and other girls, only seeking you for his own comfort and never for yours. He had become the man he said he would never be. He was selfish and greedy, too stupid to put his pride and ego aside and apologise to you, more than willing to throw away everything you had together. How he hadn’t realised the sparkle in your eyes dull and the smile on your face grow tired? He felt physically sick just thinking about it, he’d taken the years of friendship for granted and the one time he really needed you, he no longer had you. 

It was no secret Steve’s parents cared more about their reputation and money then they did him but your family had practically raised him, filling the evergrowing gap his parents carved out. Not only had he turned his back on you but your family as well. His thoughts were spiraling out of control, making him dizzy with guilt and shame. Your parents probably thought he was a piece of shit. oh god. What if they saw him in the same way his parents did? He thought being rejected by his parents hurt, well the pain of this realisation tore him from the inside out.

but tell me i’m not dead

tell me it’s okay,

tell me we might’ve worked on a simplier day.

Believe it or not Steve was a complicated man, he was the shell of a broken boy and wether he liked it or not he was damaged goods. He’d gone majority of his life where his parents constantly brushed him aside as if he meant nothing, eventually he began to believe it. Perhaps it was a coping mechanism of his where he felt the need to constantly push those close to him away, looking for a way to reject them before they did to him, searching for an excuse to explain the damage done to all his past relationships, or perhaps it could be simply explained by the fact that he was an asshole, probably all of the above. Yet, like a toddler throwing a tantrum he refused to change his ways, stuck in a never ending cycle of abuse at his own hands.

He knew he needed to apologise and explain himself to you but he couldnt bring him self to do so. Ashamed of his actions and afraid you would only confirm what he believed. He was a waste of space, not worthy of your love and attention you once gave him. He couldn’t bare to see the disappointment in your eyes, tears threatening to fall, silent echoes in the back of his mind screaming at him to let you go once and for all, knowing that he didn’t deserve you and all he would bring is pain and grief. 

He was a monster. And he did what monsters do best.

Live up to their reputation.

Tell me life goes on, 

Tell me i’ll be fine,

say the pain wil stop, 

it’ll pass in time. 

The first weeks of senior year had to be the worst time of your life, Steve had jumped ship to a bigger and better one, claiming his place as the King of Hawkins High, leaving you to be devoured by the fame hungry commoners and ego fuelled elitists. At first you wanted to believe it was just a phase, that the popularity would work its way through his system and soon he would be back to the Stevie you knew and loved so deeply. As the weeks grew into months you managed to find your place in the hierarchy of school, gaining a reputation for being an outcast, perhaps even a Satan worshipper with help from the one and only Eddie Munson. He’d become a good friend to you, seemingly replacing Steve by filling your time with lessons in DnD and grand monologues quoting his favourite book, Lord of the rings, although, deep down you knew no-one could ever replace Steve, not in the way you hoped. 

You told yourself you wouldn’t be the girl that chases after a guy. You knew your worth but you also desperatly wanted your best friend back. Trying everything you could to get his attention, from leaving notes in his locker, waiting by his car after school, climbing up to his bedroom window in the middle of the night, name it you’d probably done it. Stupidly thinking that you could fix whatever had gone wrong between the two of you, believing that you were the reason he no longer wanted you. 

It was only when you noticed despite all the attempts that he didn’t seem too bothered by your lack of presense in his life, in fact he seemed happier then ever, leaving you to go crazy wracking your mind with all your flaws and imperfections, wondering why he would ever treat you like this? How he could let you go without even so much as a fight? 

You’d heard about the rumors floating around that he had become a heartbreaker, his reputation for wooing the girls that lusted after him, only to become another notch on his belt, yet a part of you couldn’t believe the sweet young boy you used to know had turned into a douchebag like this. Only once you saw him in the arms of another, his signature smirk painted across his face before he leant in to kiss her, did you realise that the rumors were true. 

Maybe you were naive in thinking Steve would always be by your side, that he would never hurt you, but you couldn’t help but feel the hollow space in your chest everytime you heard of his latest conquest bragging about his performance and how he would promise them the world. His name no longer gave you joy and hope instead leaving a bitter trail of betrayal behind. His voice, the one that used to make butterflies arupt in your somach now made you nauseas with pain, believing all the words he once spoke you truly meant nothing if he repeated them to a dozen others. 

And maybe i’ll belive you then,

and maybe we can just be friends, 

and i could tell you about the things i’ve seen

And you’ll never have to suffer all the pain I keep once again.

You wondered if he was happier he no longer had the weight of your love on his shoulders, he sure seemed it spending his time with a girl round one arm and drink in the other. Had he discovered that the love you still held for him was never strictly platonic but one that ran so deep it would kill you before you ever stopped loving him? You’d wishied it would've already. 

A bitter laugh arose in your throat as you recalled the day that you vowed not to speak to him ever again. A little dramatic for a 7 year old if you asked now but back then it felt like your world was crashing down, hard and fast with no sign of life to appear again. Neither of you could stay mad at each other for long though, forgiving him only a measly 8 hours after he’d put frogs in your favourite sandals and set them to float in the little lake nearby. He’d claimed he was only trying to give them a nice place to sleep, knowing how much you adored the colorful jelly bears that sat on the strap of your sandals, believing that they would make the perfect nest for the green amphibians that would now haunt your dreams; that the love you held for your dollar store sandals and the love he held for his favourite slimy creature would make them invincible to whatever may come to hunt them in the future. 

If only younger you could see you now.

Now that you think about it how he managed to come up with that logic was beyond you considering he was still just a dorky immature child to you, one that you proudly called your best friend. 

Your laugh was soon replaced with a sour expression staining your face, your heart dropping at the thought that you would never be able to return to those simpiler days where nothing really mattered exept for having each other. All you had left of him was ghosts of the past and faint glimmers of memories you once shared together. You were all alone. Your best friend had scrubbed you clean from his life and you’d never live the future you once dreamed of, one that included your Stevie in all aspects.

But i’m not sleeping well these days,

I’ve been better if we’re being honest,

death is all i see in place of a smile,

i can barely stop it.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Steve had invisioned his future so many times and this was never even a possibility; you were always there by his side. He thought he might go to college and if all went well he’d prove his parents wrong. Although even if he did, that wouldn’t matter because you and your family never judged his worth over something so mediocre like a scholarship or a degree. He’d hoped to get a place of his own, eventually have a place to call home where he would raise his brood of Harringtons. If he was lucky he’d finally admit how in love he was with you, how he wanted nothing more than to hold you tight in his arms and never let you go, how he absoluley adored every part of you from your kind and gentle nature towards everyone and anything to the sparkle in your eyes that were filled with oceans of emotion he could happily drown in.  Hell maybe you’d agree to marry him one day, the soft whispers of “i love you” being spoken for as long as you both lived. Eventually in decades to come the story of your love would be passed down to future generations and no longer would the Harrington name be stained by its previous reputation, instead it would continue to flourish with everlasting love and fullfillment that even the most seemingly perfect families would be envious of. 

Unfortunatley though that was just a wish upon a star that would never come true, forever destined to follow in the loveless, narcissistic repuation his parents would gladly pass onto him. As he laid in the confines of his bedroom after a long shift at Scoops Ahoy he couldn’t help the warm tears spill down his face as he scoffed at his younger self for thinking his life had fallen into place back when he’d become the King of Hawkin’s high. Almost hysterical laughter bouncing off the empty walls at the idea that the friends he once had beside him would remain at his side through anything. Simply fucking breaking down at the thought of Nancy Wheeler being the love of his life when all he really wanted was you.

I’m under, it’s over, it just wont show,

I feel it, it’s overloading in my brain i’m sure,

I know it. 

Soon enough, the day came where you and your fellow classmates were no longer confined to the dark corridors of Hawkin’s high school. The day you would venture out into the world and be at the hands of reality to either succeed or succumb to the pressures of society. You didn’t think it would be so emotional but something about standing with groups of people you practically grew up with, saying goodbye weighed heavy on your mind. 

Sure, you didn’t like some of the people but that didn’t mean you wished ill will upon them, plus you weren’t saying goodbye to just the people but everything you thought you knew about the world. For some this change could make or break them however, without the saftey and security of your once best friend, doubt knawed at you, filling you with anxiety. 

Eddie stood beside you, arms linked and proudly smiling at your families in the crowd. You knew there was a graduation party going on at Steve’s though you weren’t sure if you wanted to go, afraid that you wouldn’t be welcome although, Steve would never turn you away. Eddie had tried to convince you, soon giving up and deciding to chill out and revel in the newfound freedom you now had. 

There would be no waking up at 6 am to get ready for school, no more homework you would have to stay up late to complete, no detention for being young and stupid and most definitely no lessons you were forced to attend and listen to. of course that was unless you decided to go to college but why would anyone want to put themselves through more school? 

Steve’s parents thought otherwise, when they found out he didn’t want to attend college they grilled him to no end. If he thought the critisism before was bad, it now was a nightmare, thankfully for the most part they were too busy travelling and doing god knows what while Steve moped around at home. Stripped of his title and left to fend for himself he became a no-one once again, fading into the background in the small town he was trapped in. 

I’ll probably speak your name on my last breath, 

just because,

It’s all that I have left to give.

The days grew longer and nights became lighter as prom approached, Eddie being the non-conformist he was decided prom was not for him which you respected however, that didn’t mean you were happy about the idea of going alone, having no-one to bring you one of those cheesy corsages or match coloured outfits. 

Back to a time that now felt millennias away you and Steve had made a pact that you’d attend prom together as long as you were both single, it didn’t have to be romantic considering neither of you had admitted your feelings for each other but you couldn’t deny the hope bursting in your chest that maybe just maybe he liked you that way. Of course now you knew that would never happen, you would have to be content with your own company perhaps finding solace in being alone, not having to worry about the expectations of prom. 

What you didn’t realise was that Steve was thinking the exact same thing. The time spent apart had given him a lot to think about and reflect on, realising that he had been in the wrong the entire time and while thinking he was doing what was best, resulted in nothing but heartbreak for the both of you. He couldn’t go on like this, stuck in a state of limbo where everything was so grey and dull, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he didn’t atleast try to get you back. Lord knows he would spend the rest of his life beating himself up for the mistakes he made, forever wondering about the what ifs? 

He had a plan. With the help of the freshmen kids he’d befriended and babysat in the past year and his former classmate turned good friend Robin, it was set in motion. He just had to hope you would atleast hear him out long enough for him to confess his feelings. Dustin being the little menace he could be convinced you to attend prom with him,as friends of course, afterall he was like a brother to you so you knew you’d at the very least have fun with him. 

.·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。

So tell me I'm not dead,

tell me it's okay,

tell me we might've worked on a simpler day,

tell me life goes on,

tell me I'll be fine,

You were a jittering mess, nervous to attend prom with the thought of having to face Steve for what could be the very last time. The idea of having to see him in all his perfect glory with his latest girlfriend, acting all lovey dovey while you watched from afar still feeling the hurt he caused you. Thankfully the ring of the doorbell interrupted your thoughts before you could talk yourself out of going, smoothing the sides of your outift you opened the front door not expecting what was on the other side.

The smile you had perfectly curated began to fall at the sight of his messy chesnut hair and nervous smile, pushing back tears you turned your attention to his outfit, a classic suit probably borrowed off his dad and a corsage in hand he stood in all his former glory. For a minute you forgot you were supposed to be mad at him, silently taking in his appearence as if all of this was a twisted dream and would disappear in an instant. 

“what-why are you here?” if the confusion on your face wasn’t apparent then the shakiness in your voice would atleast be, urging yourself to remain strong regardless of the outcome of whatever the hell was happening right now.

“uh I-“ The boy puffed, words spewing from his mouth in a jumble of incoherent sentences “I’m taking you to prom” He stated matter of factly, nodding his head towards his car as a sign that he wasn’t lying. 

“I thought Dustin was taking me?” the sentance came out as more of a question than a statement, making you cringe slightly at your attempted indifference to his presense. 

“Well you see…” He rambled on, fiddling with the corsage in his hands while speaking a million miles an hour, as if he was trying to say as many words as possible before he ran out of breath.

 “and Dustin tied me to the chair” he continued not realising you were zoning in and out trying to comprehend the words leaving his mouth.  "a clown” “JELLO! He made me eat JELLO” emphasis clearly on the Jello and at this point you wondered where exactly this was going because it sure as hell wasn’t convincing you otherwise. 

“I needed to talk to you” The words peaked your interest finally as you looked him dead in the eyes for any sign of deception or humour.

“First of all, couldn’t you have just said that instead of rambling on about clowns and Jello? which frankly I don’t have a flying fuck what that has to do with this and second of all, what makes you think you have the right to talk to me after the way you treated me the past year?” Clearly he wasn’t expecting the sudden anger although, he couldn’t blame you after everything thats happened. Pausing before speaking again, this time in a more calm and collected manner.

“I love you. I’m in love with you” If anyone was watching right now surely you looked like a fish out of water, gasping for air as you processed the words he had the audacity to utter.

“What the fuck?” Now this had to be a nightmare. There was no way you were hearing the boy you dreamed of daily speaking those words to you. For you. It had to be a joke right? His friends put him up to this and yet again at your expense you would become the walking punchbag. “That’s not funny” Attempting to slam the door in his face, not in the mood to deal with his bullshit anymore, prom was not worth this amount of hassle, even more so if it involved Steve Harrington.

“Wait, wait!” he approached begging you to hear him out “I’m serious I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU. PEOPLE OF HAWKINS I AM MADLY IN LOVE WITH Y/N Y/L/N AND I NEED EVERYONE TO-“ 

“what the hell is wrong with you?” Pulling him in frantically in order to keep what little dignity you had left. Thank God your parents weren’t home to witness this, not even sure how you would explain whatever was happening. 

“Please just listen to me. Fuck. You can hit me for all I care, just let me say this” Pleading with those stupid doe eyes you couldn’t help but give in, after all this time they still had the same effect on you, rendering you into a speechless lovesick mess. “I’m an idiot okay? I thought- I know you deserve better then I could ever give you and I thought I was doing the right thing. I wasn’t. I hurt you-I abandoned you. I promised you I would always be there for you and I wasn’t. I am so sorry. I’m so sorry” Tears clouded your vision as you gave into the pull, wrapping your arms around him in an embrace you deeply craved. “I love you and I will spend the rest of my life loving you because you are the only person for me and I had to tell you, you needed to know. I needed to know if i had any chance or if I had fucked us up for good because i can’t live with the regret otherwise, thinking about the what ifs and what could’ve been.”

and you could take my breath,

it's all that I have left to give.

All the pain and anger you felt was erupting from your body, breaking you down in front of him. Sobs wracking your frame as you clinged to him, desperatley needing to be close to him because despite how angry you were at him, he was your rock and you needed him. Just like he needed you. 

It could have been hours or weeks passed by the time you finally had the energy to pull away from him, feeling a sense of guilt for unloading all of these emotions onto him, ashamed that he witnessed the pain he caused you. The pain he didn’t deserve to see because you were better then that, or so you thought. Neither of you knew what to say, unsure of where you stood knowing the next words spoken could make or break your future. The two of you must have looked like a mess, slumped against the front door in a tangle of limbs, your makeup running down your face, hair messy and eyes swollen and red. 

You pondered on his words for a moment wondering if you could truly forgive him for all he’d done. You knew the answer to this yet a sadistic part of you wanted to turn him away and watch him pay for all the damage however, you could never do that not when he had now handed you his heart on a silver platter, saying the words you had longed for him to say to you. 

It would take time to heal and move on but for now you would settle for whatever ‘this’ was, lapping up the stability you felt in his arms, head rested in the crook of your neck, gentle breaths gracing your skin as you ran you fingers through his hair in a soothing manner. Simply content with each others company, basking in the shift that had occured between you, no words needing to be exchanged other than soft whispers of “I love you’s” and “i’m sorry’s” echoing as reminders that you could get through anything together. 

[dumbbitchfrommars]

im feeling quite a darkness and heaviness at the moment.

lowkey feel like i need to find a psych again, cause im probably gonna spiral soon.

this was supposed to be an exciting time but instead i feel like crap.

everything is always stress stress stress. i always wonder if this is gonna affect my long term health and mental health - constantly being afraid and anxious and stressed.

i am in debt, that should be my biggest concern right now but its not. i dont care at all. which is a huge thing to say considering my capricorn moon.

nothing really feels worth it, nothing is good enough. nothing is ever good enough. when has it ever? i try so hard to appreciate the little things but its like im always masking this underlying lack of appreciation for everything. life is hard. life has let me down so often... i have let myself down so often.

what did life do to deserve these words? lets be honest for once. no one and nothing has done me dirty. its all in my favour and to help me grow. im the one whos resisting and refusing to change.

i have a list of bad habits and thought processes that are limiting me. its a wonder people have the patience and forgiveness for me. i feel like im not really worth it. i guess when it comes to my family theyre just forced to - theyre my family. we live together. of course they will tolerate me.

somehow feeding into my negativity is not helping. i still feel wrong. like its all wrong and im not allowed to feel this way. ive done the wrong thing and im handling it all wrong. what do i do to fix it?

the tarot told me to reach out to others during this time. to communicate. the one thing i suck most at. yet i dont either at the same exact time. ive learnt how to talk about the things that matter. work. work and... fun. but life isnt all about work and fun. theres ugly stuff too. like my inner world and how underdeveloped and unprepared she is for the real world.

im angry and insecure, yes, we already established that. what's deeper? i dont know how to take care of myself. i want to be taken care of. i am scared of being forced to take care of myself. i am hurt because nobody wants to take care of me. i feel abandoned. i feel neglected. my inner child is feeling neglected. my inner child wants so desperately to be looked after.

i went into a black hole and had no one on the outside to look after me. but thats not true, is it? i had someone to look after me. i was lucky enough to have someone who cares about me to look after me. and i wasnt grateful, because i was upset. i felt id received evil eye. i was suspicious and angry and resentful because somehow it all meant that i was less worthy, less pretty, less wanted, less important, less enough. less pretty less thick less curvy less attractive less magnetic less feminine less desired. its so fucking stupid. its so so so fucking stupid. its all stupid. its all a stupid fucking game made by men who want us against each other and want them to be the prize. i am the prize. ive convinced myself im not but i am the fucking prize.

how did i let it get to this? how come it has come to this? when and how and why did it? when i retrace my steps, can i see how i fell into the trap of negative thinking time and time again until the point of no return? i thought i'd be fine as soon as i had time to myself. but the damage has been done and its gonna take a while for me to return to where i was before. i should be feeling on top of the world. i should be feeling magnificent. and proud. and happy. but i feel like absolute shit. i feel so low. and i feel like i cant focus on anything but the worst experiences from the last few months. nothing good only bad. im being frustrating and stubborn and completely negative and childish.

im so angry at myself right now. i dont know how to fix it. i dont know how to get back to normal in time. theres no time. life doesnt wait for me or anyone. but i still need time. how can i show my face to all my friends and put on a smile when nothing is fine inside? i want to say "no, i cant make it" and take the time to recover. but will i even recover? it just becomes another thing to add to the list of things im disappointed in myself over. im a mess. im chaos. im a child throwing tantrums everything her fuse has run out. because im not able to regulate my emotions until they blow over and all of the sudden im reacting and lashing out and doing things i always come to regret.

i hate feeling like im being treated like a child and yet i act like one.

i want someone to look after me and take care of me and parent me and love me.

but can i do any of those things for myself? for another person? i say how badly i want children but look at me. id be a terrible mother. i can barely take care of myself.

knowing all these things does nothing for me. i need to change. i want to change. but i dont want to either. im afraid of how much work its gonna take. all of the sudden im 18 again and completely overwhelmed and cant handle the pressure of all the responsibility life and adulthood brings. im still grieving the old me. im still grieving the childhood i missed out on... im still grieving the childhood i never appreciated.

my life lesson will be to appreciate it.

and still my ears ring and still my head throbs and i cant cry because i am still disconnected from her. i am her. but i cant reach her. shes taken the reigns and is bulldozing everything i thought i once knew.

theres so much to unpack. i want to learn i want to change i want to grow. fuck its so overwhelming. i feel like shit. i feel like a failure. i feel so weak and immature because i just cant do it. i feel so ashamed because i dont want to be this way. i dont want to be treated like a child i just want your respect.. i just want to be respected. i just want to be heard. listen to me! i deserve to be heard. i deserve to speak up. why cant i just fucking SPEAK UP? why wont you give me the space to SPEAK UP? listen to me! listen to me! listen to me! i might be a child but i am still fucking important! listen to me! how could you make me feel this way? this small? this unimportant? this silenced? my anger is valid but its being channeled in the wrong way. its spilling out because i dont know what to do with and i dont know how to integrate it and i dont know how to share it in a healthy way.

okay. i need to sit with this for one fucking second . its all ive been wanting and asking and waiting for for weeks. so let me do that. okay!? give me a fucking break. fuck.

[httpiastri]

hi! just some context to barcelona! sorry that this is kinda long, but i think this is the gist of it? i am a carlos girlie tho and this is my first season actually watching f1, just wanna say that upfront

i feel like everything kinda just boiled over, esp on twt. carlos helped control the mclarens in monaco which helped charles win his home race (🎉), but ferrari were very ignorant of the fact that spain was carlos’s home race. during the race, carlos did have one lil battle w charles, and then later on in the race, ferrari decided to let charles go ahead of carlos to catch george (they never gave the place back even when it was clear charles couldn’t catch george ☹️). then after the race during the media interviews, charles complained about the fact that carlos was racing against him, saying that he was trying to do something in his home race. lowkey i feel like he was kinda being negative about carlos, but then everyone on twt got mad, calling him whiny and ungrateful and all. honestly i’m kinda frustrated w ferrari’s calls during the spanish weekend too, they could’ve given carlos the place back, esp bc this was his home race and possibly his last time racing competitively there. and i’m a little annoyed that charles said that out loud to the media instead of just internally talking it out with carlos later. again, this is my first year actually watching f1 so i don’t really know any nitty gritty of anything that happened before this season, i hope i didn’t offend anyone w this 🙏

but i don’t understand the hate still going on, like just say you don’t like charles and move on :/

hello hello!! dw about it being long, it made it much clearer for me :)

i totally get the carlos side of it. as someone who experienced the same "let your teammate go past, you'll get the position back if he doesn't catch the car in front- oh well i guess you're not getting the position back, oopsies" scenario last weekend for my own favorite driver (in f2), i get that feeling. it's awful. however, i think it's slightly different because i consider f1 to be more of a team sport than f2, because the constructor's championship in f1 is a big deal, and i would assume that all f1 teams want what's best for their team in total. i also think it's a bit more complicated than just blaming charles on this, because there are a lot of factors going into this. for example, charles is ahead in the standings, more "in need" of points. plus, a team is always going to prioritize the driver they know they're going to keep for next season over the driver who's leaving. we see the same thing going on in alpine, this isn't the first time. 🤷‍♀️

i also personally think that post-race interviews can be so stupid and unreliable. the drivers have just come out from their race, still high on adrenaline and nerves and anger, being forced to talk about situations they haven't even gotten to see on the screens yet or talked through with their teams. a lot of the time, drivers will say one thing right after the race and then another once they've gotten to calm down and understood what actually happened. it's the same way i don't really care about neither max's nor lando's interviews after austria – they have no idea what they're saying, they're both upset about losing a race win. all of the "they're never going to be friends again because lando said-" bullshit is annoying me quite a lot. so im sure that even if what charles said was bad, i think that a post-race debrief with the team would settle those emotions. 🤷‍♀️

okay so after writing that ^^, i went to watch an interview from after the race and idk if it's the same one you mean, but in the one i just watched... charles is extremely calm? about carlos overtaking him: "it's a bit of a shame, because.... anyway, we will speak that internally, it's not a big deal." so ?? 🤷‍♀️

oh sweets i definitely do not think you offended anyone!! you told it very well, i think i understand your point of view but im just still not sure if i agree. but definitely, i don't understand why the hate needs to keep going (from either side)... can't people just agree to disagree and then move on? do people really need to keep hating when it's been weeks since it happened? 🥲

[yungviry]

rant again

well im fucking upset. not intentionally, ive been having a conversation with my ex boyfriend for like the last week. and i always tell myself not to reply cause there's no fucking use. we've had the same conversation over and over again and neither of us seem to agree with the events that took place in our relationship, nor i guess who's at fault (cause someones's always to blame on how it ended)

essentially hes to blame for the whole relationship flopping but he doesnt see it that way. he sees my retaliation as an issue. because according to him im supposed to be the bigger person. im not the woman he was molding me to be and gets upset i go off script. i swear narcissist will never see themselves as the one at fault for anything. personally i can see i was a petty betty, but because i never got the sorry i wanted and i still wanted to be with him (but thats my own self esteem issues at work)

im saving a lot of the story for the eventual book i write so i only vent so much but also it wont really make a difference seeing as ill probably phrase things differently once i get to that point to im gunna actually be a little vulnerable-ish cause its all public knowledge really. but you get it im writing it down instead of just telling my coworkers lol.

basically. i met malik around august of 2019. at the time i was on tinder so i was casually fucking multiple people at this point ( at least 4 other guys besides him) i was doing porn videos with one of my casual partners (sup byrd) nothing serious, just recording ourselves while we hung out. it was cool. they had made some noise when we first started putting them out that march/april. his profile was in the top 2 on xvideos which i very much enjoyed. lowkey weird seeing yourself when youre looking for something to rub your frustrations out on lol. malik and i met in august, i had already had porn videos out in the internet. he was not my boyfriend immediately. he didnt ask me till like 3 weeks of dating. i told him about the sex tapes the first week i met him. i cant remember if it was that same first day i met him or if it was the morning or day after, some shit along those lines. but you get the jist i told him i had sex tapes out BEFORE he ever asked me out.

now that a little backstory has been set up, he sit there and tries to make me feel bad for the sex tapes, knowing i didnt post them, some other dude did. i have no control over them being on the internet, i had agreed and even out of respect for malik i asked byrd to take them down and he refused so it basically ended there. i cant force some dude to do some shit for me. much less to spare my boyfriend at the times feelings. and still now he continues to torment me with "he cant get pasted my sex tapes" YOU DIDNT HAVE TO ASK ME OUT. i told him i had them out when i was single and still wants to be upset abut shit i did when i was single. like most bitches, usually if you dont like something from someones past and you cant seem to get past it, i wouldnt even ask them out in the first place.

maybe a month into us going out i go thru his phone and BAM theres hella messages to other bitches where hes literally flirting to all of them, some of them even happen to be at times were hanging out together. I had shown him how to make flautas maybe a couple weeks into us habnging out and there in his ig messages he was telling some random bitch hed make her flautas. ANd essentially from there it all started.

from that moment i could never trust him. i remember we were laying on the couch at my house when i was going thru the phone and i kicked him out m,y house. i remember i was heartbroken cause i really liked him already. we had spent almost every single day together since meeting each other and this shit was just unbelievable to me. we probably broke up for like 3 days and i was just aruguing over text with him thew whole time. i remember i didnt really wanna end things, but i couldnt deal wit the cheating. cause literally the day he asked me to be his girlfriend the only thing i had warned him about was infidelity. i have always thought cheating is the worst thing you can do to someone. its selfish, its hurtful, its destructive. those 3 days i remember he spent begging for me back, telling me how hed never do it and listing off all the ways he was going to make it up to me. he would repeat to me that hes do anything to have me forgive him.

eventually we had the conversation of what it would take for me to go back. i said i would need him to do things in order to feel like i could trust him, and at the time he happily agreed to all the conditions. helll, hed even offer to let me slap him as hard as i could to take him back. and trust me i felt like slapping the shit out of him. and then there i go back. i gave him his slaps and all his conditions and he said hed follow them. and that lasted 4 months (but not really cause according to the dates on his phone he never stopped talking to bitches behind my back) but i didnt catch him till like February.

literally from that fist instant i really should have just left him forever but my dumbasss had no respect for myself so i thought because we had a good connections i could look past the bullshit. i ate up his lies too about him changing, but i should have left regardless of all that. my hard no was cheating, he cheated and still my ass gave him a chance. i shouldnt have to give chances and make list of things i need to regain my trust. i should have dipped. cause at the end of the day all his words were just that, words. he didnt change, if anything he only got meaner with me and stricter. he was mad i was a fun girl and i guess he wanted to catch up on bodies? im not sure what it was but he never stayed loyal to me the whole relationship and would constantly lie about it. and he wouldn't admit till i had proof that he was. and again try to sell me a dream on hoiow hed change and how he loves me. blah blah blah cause in the end he was lying and i just turned petty. i stopped believing him and constantly accused him of cheating.

and i guess thats what bothered him, so you see it was a toxic cycle that HE STARTED. CAUSE HE FUCKING CHEATED ON ME. but for some reason because i was mean to him AFTER HE CHEATED ON ME im the bitch in this whole situation and its my fault he stepped outside the relationship and constantly lied about it.

obviously i can get more into it cause it went on for years and my dumbass just believed he was gunna change, even though i literally accused him daily. but to my surprise (or not really) i was right the whole time. he wsa cheating, lying and happily taking my money. bum ass bitch.

but yea we have conversations now and still he doesnt seem to understand HE"S the reason we never worked out. cause what the fuck do i look like trying with a bitch that doesnt know how to keep his eyes on his own girl. he should of just just dumped me but too late. now i dont like him a nd personally bashing him online makes me feel better. i get to warn other girls that he hits girls and has herpes (cause he also doesnt like to tell bitches hes fucking [which i can confirm he fucked at least 3 girls while we were together and he knew he had herpes and didnt tell them] that his ass has HERPES)

uggggghhhhh i dont even really like getting into it cause its pointless. he did me dirty and hell never acknowledge its all his fault. literally everything i did was just the repercussion of his actions. and im tired of his punk ass trying blame me for any of the bad he caused/created.

[kadssp]

Can i request Sun, moon, and Glam Freddy with fem reader who is suddenly in a very bad mood after being on her phone, texting someone? She just kinda start getting very irritated and angry and then tells how it's her ex who's supposedly is now her "friend", but they're just very problematic together (which is why they broke up) and continues to somehow piss eachother off whether it's unintentionally or purposely >:( or is that too much of me self projecting

note: thank you for requesting !! im a fan of your writing so i was excited and giggling when i saw this. have a great day sunshine<33

warnings: gn!reader though “silly girl” is used once in Sun’s, light venting/ranting, anger, problematic friendship, ex is lowkey causing shit, hurt/comfort

Sun

He honestly sort of knows something is wrong. He’s around kids everyday so he can tell when a little one is hiding their emotions or when they’re about to explode in anger and throw a tantrum.

And it’s no different when it comes to you, if anything it’s because he is around you so much he can sense the tension in the air.

”Sunshine? Hey, hey Sunshine! What’s up! What’s wrong!” He’s bouncing from side to side on the heels of his feet, swaying in his lil dance as the daycare theme plays in the background.

You glare at your phone, thumbs moving to tap against a letter on the small keyboard but too frustrated to think of a kind choice of words.

With a groan you turn the phone off, which vibrates with another notification that happens to be from someone you don’t get along with at all.

“Nothing, Sunny. Just— Just this.. Idiot! Ugh, I don’t know.” You throw your head back, leaning in the small kid’s chair you had originally thrown yourself into a few moments ago.

”Oh? That’s not a very nice word to use for a friend!” He says, hands clasped together as he tilts his head watching the way your glare softens when you look at him.

”Well, this friend isn’t a very nice person. Can I even call them a friend if we don’t get along?” You sigh again clearly annoyed with your situation and Sun thinks for a moment on how to respond.

He always believed by everyone being a friend or a potential friend! But, if they’re not nice, don’t follow rules or upset you when you’re together then surely something is wrong here!

”Have you tried talking it out with your friend? Talking always fixes differences!” “Every time we talk it turns into an argument.”

Oh. Well that idea was thrown into the trash bin quickly. He hums for a moment, your hands card through your hair as you try to distract your thoughts, just thinking about them made you upset. You honestly wondered why you gave them any type of interaction with how they treat you.

”Hm, who is this person to you, Sunshine? I’m sure if you care about each other than you can overcome this… Right?” His attempts at helping make you smile slightly, corners of your lips quirking up as you sit up in the chair looking at Sun now who waits patiently next to you.

”They’re my… Ex. I thought since our breakup went a little smooth that we could be friends but, I was wrong I guess.” Your mood drops, upset with yourself as you look down at your hands against your lap.

Sun wasn’t expecting to hear that from you. You had an ex? He never knew that! That explains why you don’t get along then!

”Oh silly girl!” He laughs, patting your head tenderly as he scoots closer. ”That’s why you don’t get along together!“

”I guess so. I just thought I’d give it a try.” “You did! And you did great at it, Sunbeam! But some friendships don’t work out.” He hums comfortingly at you, rubbing his hand over your back as your face falls at the words.

”You tried really hard and even though it’s not working out that’s okay! You will find a new friend again! One that doesn’t make you feel like this.” He’s sweet, turning to the side and picking up a small clear box and placing it on the table in front of the both of you.

He clicks it open, lifting the lid off and grabbing two sheets of papers and placing them in front of the two of you.

”Why don’t we finger paint our emotions? Or paint something that makes you happy!” He’s swaying side to side where he sits besides you, dipping a finger in the yellow paint and drawing a smiley face on his paper before looking over at you expectantly.

You shrug with a unconfident smile as you touch the blue and purple paint with the tips of your fingers and trace lines out on your own paper.

You begin to truly smile after a bit of repeating the same action with different colors in different strokes against the sheet. Sun had eventually tapped dots of colors against your cheeks and now you were a giggling mess as you showed him your small painting with a wide grin.

His heart swelled and he let out a dreamy sigh, bottom of his circular head resting against his hand as he nods in approval and praises your work. You pull out another sheet, this time mentioning you’re drawing something that reminds you of Sunny.

He’s little plan worked and you’re too caught up to realize it yet as you paint with your fingers across the paper, the whole daycare filled with your laughter and his robotic sounding cheers and praise as you spend the evening painting out your emotions and small gifts to each other.

Moon

He was annoyed too, the fact you weren’t going to sleep or making his job any easier was slowly ticking his patience away by the second. And the fact you were annoyed as well made it worse.

”Why don’t you sleep it off.” He had suggested, voice strained as he held back from cursing at you.

“I’m too upset to sleep.” He groans at your response and leans his head against his shoulder as he stares at you in a glare, clearly pissed as his arms cross over his chest and he sways side to side.

”You haven’t tried it yet.” “Because it won’t work! This stupid… Jerk just does anything to annoy me!”

His head lifts, if you could even see in the dark of the daycare then you would be able to see the cheeky grin on Moon’s face as he stalked over to you, bells jingling softly with his movements.

”Who is this… Jerk, Starlight?” “My ex. God, we never get along! Whenever we’re doing something it turns into an argument and then we’re back to not liking each other’s presence anymore.”

Moon hums, uninterested in whoever the idiot was and more on you and why it made you so upset, the solution was simple to this problem.

”Why don’t you break it off then?” He shrugs. You look up at him confused, blankets that he had trapped you in earlier in an attempt to force you into sleeping now loosely hung to your body.

“Break off what?” “The friendship. It’s messing with you both negatively just end it and move on. So you can sleep.” He wants to facepalm at the look on your face, wishing he could just find the ex himself and scare them off so you’ll be happy again and stop worrying over “foolish things”.

“I mean yeah but, I’m trying to fix it so we can stay as friends.” You try reasoning, though it goes through one side of his circular face and out the other he shakes his head and sits down beside you.

”You’ve already tried, clearly. It’s not working out from what you’ve told me so don’t strain yourself to fix something that’s already broken.” His voice is quieter, softer as he pats your head soothingly, grabbing something beside himself and repositioning where he sits. Although you can‘t see with how dark it is, you can hear the gears and metal of his body moving around the padded flooring.

”If I read to you, will it help clear you mind enough for you to sleep?” He sounds slightly irritated but you know it’s his way of trying to be kind.

You simply nod, almost responding when you realize if he can even see you or not but you’re softly pushed down to lie your head against his lap, padded legs inside behind the cover of the pants and it almost feels like a pillow.

The sounds of pages flipping is heard from above your head and you feel a hand pick up strands of your hair before twisting and flicking them between his fingers as he sighs and begins to read.

You forget about your previous problem, phone casted aside and near your legs as you close your eyes and listen to the story that Moon speaks softly to you about, holding the blankets close to yourself as your frustration slips from your mind and body.

Your breathing is slow now as your body relaxes against his touch and he fights back a chuckle at the sight of you asleep finally as soft snores leave your lips.

He whispers ‘good night’ to you before continuing to read, just incase you happen to still be awake even if he’d know if that were the case. He wanted to stay in this moment for a little while longer even if you were dreaming in a land he couldn’t yet reach.

Glamrock Freddy

He’s definitely worried when he sees the state you’re in. Phone clutched in a tight hold in your hands as you’re seething with anger from the chair you sit in inside of Freddy’s dressing room.

He stands still, almost too scared to move as his hands reach out and retract back to his sides as he thinks of a solution.

You groan, the sound of his metal squeaking with his movements worsening your mood. “What is it, Freddy?”

His ears droop at the tone your voice holds, annoyed as you talk to him but your eyes are still looking at your phone in your hand. He‘s curious what has you so worked up.

”Well I… Uh…” He’s embarrassed he doesn’t know what to say, your brows furrowed as you cast your glance in his direction as he stutters over his words.

He swallows thickly, slightly pressured from your eyes on him as he clears his throat. “I was wondering what has you so upset, Superstar.“

Even though he wasn’t hinting at your ex you groaned at the thought of them, grumbling swears under your breath as you contemplate throwing your phone into the hard flooring.

”I just have this friend I don’t get along with that much.” You sigh, noticing how Freddy looks genuinely sad as he nears you, feet shaking the ground beneath him.

”Have you discussed your problems with each other and talked it out?” He asks, head tilting curiously as he sits on the ground in front of you like a little child would.

You shrug and frown as you look off to the side out the glass window, kids run past as they call out to their parents and friends about the next event or area they’ll go to.

”Anytime I try to my ex gets upset and then we end up distancing again and not liking each other.” “Ex?“ “Yeah, that’s who my friend is… My ex.”

He hums looking down at his hands before he reaches up and holds yours in his own. A determined look in his eyes as he stares at you intensely.

”Why don’t you take a break from being friends then. Or from seeing each other.” You shake your head, phone buzzing in your lap again from another text most likely from your ex.

”I can‘t do that, Freddy. They’l—“ ”Why not? It’s the best solution currently, especially if they aren’t willing to cooperate and fix your differences with one another to have a steady and strong friendship.” He leans closer to you and lets out a robotic sounding sigh as he closes his eyes for a moment.

”This isn‘t how friends should treat each other. This isn’t what a friendship is supposed to be, my Superstar.” He says sadly, ears drooping again as he looks at you who frowns back at him.

Before he can register your movement you’ve wrap your arms around his head, hugging him tightly as your anger washes away and he comforts you.

Patting your back softly as he lets his claw finger tips trace shapes into your back while you hold onto him for however long you needed.

”You can stay here for as long as you want, Superstar.” He hugs you back, letting you sit in his lap as you release your emotions and burry your face in the crook of his metal neck. “No one can harm you or upset you while I’m here.”

And you do. You stay with him for the rest of the evening, eventually feeling better about how you felt, forgetting about your phone that hummed lowly in the chair that sat off to the side as you did activities with Freddy. Laughing together as you took out a Pizzaplex guide that had games on it for children and drew on the pages as the sound of your cheerful talking filled the dressing room.

[xpeachesncream]

intertwined | lowkey drabble

intertwined // drabble three

↘︎ ft. the lowkey!couple

summary: when a bad day leads to unnecessary attitude and assumptions that jungkook doesn’t know how to navigate. thus, the silent treatment.

words: 3.8k

warnings: cussing, mature language/implied sexual content, oc has a bad day and lets it out on kook :/ and he does kinda take it personal, he’s trying his best tho bcos he luvs his peanut, we all have those days where we just need to feel shit out and oc means no harm really, cuddles, making out, unprotected sex, missionary, sweet sweet love makin’

note: hello everyone! i hope you are all having a wonderful holiday season and staying safe out there. i just wanted to drop this drabble i was able to whip up quickly in time for the holidays. i’m not sure when i’ll be back to being super active, but i don’t think it’s far from now as i am slowly getting back to working on my fic projects. thank you all again for your love and support, i truly am grateful for every single one of you. sending you all my love for the holidays ♥️

It was a bad day from the start, even though you tried your hardest to persuade yourself that the little things didn't matter, that a bad day didn't define your entire life. But sometimes, you knew you just had to feel it out. You just had to process the fact that your day was rough, and that was okay. You needed to let out some steam, maybe sit in silence trying to gather yourself after the things you've experienced in one day.

That was all alright.

Well, it should be. Except the fact that everything around you didn't have to get spoiled because of a bad day. Your bad day shouldn't have been anyone else's— your bad day shouldn't have spoiled your dad's good day, your bad day shouldn't have spoiled Jungkook's good day.

Honestly, you don't even know why you're upset the way you are. Usually, these things wouldn't get to you so quickly. Usually, you're able to think rationally and pull yourself together. Usually, you can admit your wrongs and apologize, never throwing attitude or raising your voice unless the situation warranted that kind of response— never just out of the blue. It wasn't entirely your fault that your manager went off on you because apparently, you didn't order the supplies in time.. when in reality, you did. There was just a delay in shipment. It wasn't entirely your fault that the lady at the office yelled at you and called you names because her insurance didn't properly process her claim for her blood tests and procedures. You did your end of it properly, the rest of it didn't rest in your hands. You were hanging on a thread at this point. Then, it most certainly didn't help that your dad cancelled plans on you to hang out with his buddies last minute. It does hurt, truth be told, being that you've been trying to mend this relationship even though you've felt like every time you've taken one step forward, you'll take two steps back. It felt like a never-ending road.

You could have taken it and left the conversation on a good note, but you took the other route— throwing him some petty attitude, remarking that he didn't seem to care enough to fix this relationship like a good father would. Of course he'd hang out with his buddies, they were more important than his daughter. Of course he lost sight of that because of a cancelled father-daughter date. You had been looking forward to spending time with him, but of course, all the emotions already raging within you made you feel like you had been wanting it more than him. Maybe it was stupid.

You're frustrated, angry.

Annoyed.

Bothered.

Whatever it was though, a bad day shouldn't define your life. It should have never slipped through the cracks, presenting and disguising itself as the only definition of your life.

It was just one of them days.

"Fuck." You groaned, tossing your keys onto Jungkook's table, dropping your bag to the floor before throwing yourself onto his bed face down.

"H-Hold on, dude. Y/N just got here, let me— would you give me one fucking second!" Jungkook moves his mic away from his mouth, one part of his headset shoved away from his ear so he could hear you better. "Hi peanut. What's wrong?" His eyes are wide and doe-like through his clear frames as he continues to play his game, field of vision shifting from one corner of the tv to another while he furiously presses the buttons.

"Nothing." You mumbled.

"Sure doesn't sound like nothing."

"Just keep playing, Jungkook." You say with a little bit of sass before you fully turn to face his wall, your back now all he sees. He hears you let out a sigh, causing him to worry.

"Hey, start the round without me. I'll be right back." He scoffs. "Shut the heck up, Taehyung. The only reason why we're winning is because the team is carrying you and we're not letting you do shit. Yeah, yeah. Excuses." Jungkook shakes his head before sliding his headset off and tossing it aside. He sits on the edge of his bed, hand gently brushing the hair away from your face while you continue to stare at the wall. "Wanna tell me what's going on?"

"Didn't I just say to keep playing?" You don't mean to come at him with all this attitude, to be honest. Part of you couldn't really hear yourself right now, and he's a little taken aback at the sudden sourness. Although he knows you both have your days— this was different. You were completely blocking him out.

"Well, I'm not going to until I try and help you out first. The game isn't my priority."

"I never said I needed your help." He's pretty hurt, especially with the way you try and shrug his hand off of your shoulder when he's only trying to be here for you and comfort you.

"Please don't be like that." He deeply sighs.

"Like what?" Your tone is slightly more aggressive at this point, and you still haven't been able to keep your emotions in check. "I said it was nothing, Jungkook. Why don't you do what you do best and go back to playing your video games?" He almost flinches at the statement, watching as you move closer to the wall in the same, fetal position that you had been in. He knows it's nothing personal, he shouldn't take it personal.

But, damn. That hurt.

He was only trying to console you, bring you comfort, yet none of it was working and he felt like he was failing. That statement alone was enough to make it seem like he was a failure. Why wasn't he enough? He doesn't just 'play games,' he had more to him— you were always good at reminding him even on his lowest days. He wasn't sure how to navigate this. It's never been this hard to get through to you.

The more he thought about it, the more he took it personal. You being this upset was making him upset.  Instead of trying to talk to him, you were pushing him away and he felt the need to do the same. If you really wanted to play like that, then fine.

So be it.

"Um, okay." He sighs and shifts over, giving you the space you had indirectly asked for. And that's probably the last word you two had spoken to each other in the past hour or so, with Jungkook responding to Taehyung thru the mic from time to time.

You weren't sure why you were getting more annoyed, more restless, either. You knew this wasn't the way to go about things, especially if Jungkook played no part in how your day went. But still— you can't even lie, you were waiting for that reassurance from him and it never came. The first mistake you made was shutting him out, but the next mistake you made was assuming he'd understand your silent treatment and sassiness from the get go.

"So, are we just going to do this?"

"Do what?" Jungkook responds, eyes still on the TV in front of him.

"Sit in silence."

"Not really what I had in mind but looks like we are." You felt your tears welling up. Why was he handling it this way? You were wrong, you knew you were. But, you were having trouble fessing up to it right now.

"Wow."

"You wanted your space Y/N, so I'm giving that to you. I tried comforting you, but you didn't want it. What else do you want me to do?" He glances over his shoulder with a furrowed forehead before looking back at the screen. He didn't even keep contact for 5 seconds.

Most importantly— why the hell was he addressing you by your formal name in that tone? What ever happened to 'peanut' or 'princess?' 'Pretty,' even?

To be quite frank, Jungkook doesn't even understand you right now. You told him to go play games, yet you were over here pouting about the silence. You didn't want him near earlier, but now you do? He can tell you're indirectly asking for his attention, but what is he supposed to do with this? He loved you, loved you a lot, but he didn't think it was right to cave into it. He always wanted to give you everything, always wanted to do everything for you. But, not this way. Not when he had tried but was rejected from the beginning of his efforts, from the moment you walked into his room.

"Whatever Jungkook." You curled into your position even more, tears already streaming down your cheeks.

"Okay." Is all he responds with. And that— that is enough to set you off and throw a dumb ultimatum his way.

"If we aren't gonna do anything then I'll just leave."

"You're having a bad day and I'm not entirely sure what you want from me." He says softly, still hurt by the way you're acting towards him.

"I don't know, maybe a hug? A kiss? Some cuddling? You flat out just gave up and continued doing what you were doing." You said harshly, getting up from his bed to grab your things. He pauses the game after a quick 'hold on' through the mic before turning to you.

"How am I supposed to know what exactly you need at this moment? I tried reaching out to you earlier and you didn't want it. I don't think it's fair for you to assume I should know everything, Y/N. You and I both know that's not how it should be." His face slightly drops. "W-why are you so mad at me? I didn't do anything."

"Right, you didn't." You grabbed your things, shoving your bag strap up your shoulder. "I'll just talk to you later." Jungkook freezes, even as he watches you grab the rest of your things and head out of his room. Of course he's sad that you left, of course he wants to do right by you.

But what would he even apologize for? He wasn't sure.

Relationships.

"Hey, is peanut okay?" Hoseok pops his head into his room and Jungkook shrugs.

"I dunno. She had a bad day or something."

"Why didn't you ask?"

"What makes you think I didn't try and ask?!" His voice almost hits a high pitch at this point, but he manages to pull himself together before he could lose it entirely.

"I don't know?! I was just checking!" Jungkook sighs and shakes his head.

"I think she just needs to cool off."

"Maybe. Whatever it is, I'm sure you two will be good." Hoseok taps the door frame before walking back towards the living room. Kook really hopes so, because right now he's at a loss. He's not sure if he should blow up your phone, drive over or let you cool off on your own. Which, you're in conflict with yourself because you knew you weren't right for all of that, you knew you were in the wrong. Yet, here you were— running off and hoping it'd get brushed under the rug. That wasn't you. You couldn't leave Jungkook like that.

Should you wait a day and let things marinate?

Should you go back in a couple of hours, regardless of how late in the evening it'll be?

Should you just go back now?

You let yourself get home and ponder on your thoughts for a minute, but the more you thought about it, the more uneasy you felt. Even if it seemed like a good idea to let things settle overnight, you couldn't get him off of your mind. You wanted to apologize for acting the way you did, you wanted to make things right. None of this was his fault.

"Ugh, Y/N." You say to yourself as you grab your things to leave. "Why did you do that?" You questioned yourself, all the guilt coming down on you after you've given yourself that moment to sit and think clearly. Maybe you shouldn't have gone straight to Jungkook's after you've taken L after L, then all of this could have been avoided. You felt terrible for having acted out of character, for having assumed Kook would have known everything from the get-go. On top of that, you easily expected him to cave and be the person to pick up the pieces even when he had nothing to do with why your day turned out the way it did.

Parking the same spot, you quickly grab your things from the passenger's seat and head back up to his apartment. Jimin is the one to open the door again and he gives you the same warm welcome he always does. You walk straight towards Jungkook's room, knocking and poking your head in to see him still playing his game with Tae on the other end of that mic.

"Hey." He turns to look at you and his face softens.

"Hey."

"Can we talk?" He nods before pausing the game and letting Taehyung know he was going to step away for a second. You shut his door behind you as he places the controller and headset on the floor.

"What's up?" He watches you take a seat next to him on the edge of the bed.

"I'm so sorry, Kook. I didn't mean anything I said. I just had a really bad day and let it out on you. You didn't deserve any of that." He does a tiny, toothless smile.

"It's alright."

"It's not." You hold onto his hand. "I shouldn't have expected you to know everything. None of this was your fault, and you did nothing wrong."

"Princess, all I ask is that you tell me what's going on." He gives your hand a gentle squeeze before removing his to brush the hair out of your face. "You know I'm always here for you. I always want to know how I can help you. How I can cheer you up and make your day better."

"Yeah, I know."

"Do you?" He looks at you, doe eyes staring straight into yours.

"I do."

"Then talk to me, remember? You told me all of this when we first started dating. Shit went downhill every time assumptions were made."

"I hear you. I'm really sorry, Kook. I shouldn't have done that."

"It's okay, peanut." He cups your cheeks and places a gentle kiss on your forehead. "What really happened today? I-If you're ready to talk about it, I mean." He quickly follows up, thumb gently caressing at your cheek.

"I just got yelled at by my boss and this lady at work, both for things that were out of my control. Then I was supposed to see my dad, but he cancelled last minute to see his friends."

"Oh, that's right." He lets out a small sigh. "I'm sorry, princess. I know how much you were looking forward to hanging out with your dad more. As for the other two, they can both fuck off." You chuckle a bit.

"Yeah, seriously. My boss is usually in a good mood, but I guess she was also having a bad day." Jungkook shrugged. "The cherry on top was the whole thing with my dad. I just felt very.. I don't know. Not a priority? Like us working on our relationship and getting back to the way we were didn't really mean much to him?"

"I'm sure that's not what it is, but he could probably do better with his priorities."

"Yeah." You flatly respond.

"Next time you speak to him, maybe you should tell him that you need to talk to him and it's important. I mean, this is something you should address with him so he knows. He's probably not even aware."

"I guess."

"I'm sure he'll be more than happy to listen and change once he understands how you feel. I think if you wanna keep working at this, you're going to have to start opening up to him again, peanut."

"I know." Jungkook nods. "Thank you."

"Of course."

"Are we okay?"

"Yeah, peanut. Just be patient with me, okay? I'm still learning."

"I know, I know. And I appreciate you a lot." You lean in to give him a peck on the lips, making him smile in return.

"So, how can I actually cheer you up and make your day better?" You giggle.

"I don't know, just cuddle me and kiss me?" He nods.

"That— I can do." He looks at the headset on the floor. "Let me just tell Tae I'm hopping off for the night, okay?" You nod, already getting yourself comfortable by changing into one of his shirts. He switches off the console and tv, joining you in getting ready for bed. He slips himself into the covers after you, propping his arm to let his head rest against the palm of his hand. You lay flatly on your back next to him, fiddling with the fabric of his shirt before Kook breaks the silence. "Anything else that upset you today, pretty?"

"No."

"You sure?" You look up at him and nod.

"I am." He wraps an arm around you and pulls you closer, his body heat keeping you warm and cozy.

"Come here then?" You snuggle up against him, finger tracing down his chest.

"Thank you for being so good to me." You say close to a whisper, eyes darting from your finger to his eyes.

"You only deserve the very best and I'm trying to be that for you no matter what." He responds. "Y/N?"

"Mhm?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"Yes you can." You smile as he brings his lips forward— soft, pink, plump lips meeting yours. He fixes his position so that he's slightly hovering over you now, arm wrapped tightly around you, fingers giving your side a gentle squeeze. You moan into the kiss as soon as it deepens, tongues twirling and dancing around each other while you feel Jungkook hardening against your thigh. Your hand travels down his chiseled abs, tracing down his Apollo's belt, before dipping into his boxers to stroke him gently.

"I thought—" He briefly pulls away and pecks you on the jaw. "You wanted to kiss and cuddle." He plants soft, feathery kisses along your neck.

"Can't really ignore the fact that you're hard against my thigh, now can't I?"

"Sorry, princess. You know we don't have to—"

"I always want to." You respond breathily when he comes back up to meet your gaze. You kiss him once more, tugging on his bottom lip as he lets out a small moan.

"Okay." He nods, slipping himself out of his boxers before helping you out of his shirt and your panties.

"Need you inside, Kook."

"But—" He looks down. "Are you sure?"

"Promise. Just wanna feel you, babe." He nods again, stroking himself before positioning himself to be in line with you. Right now, all he wanted to do was take care of you, feel you, soothe you.

"Tell me if I need to stop, okay?" He bites onto his bottom lip as he slowly edges into you and watches the pleasure wash over your facial expression. He lets out a moan, feeling how tight and warm you are wrapped around him. "Ohhhh— holy shit." He lets out a shaky breath when he bottoms out.

"Feels so good." You whimper, hands resting around his neck.

"How do you want it?" You shake your head.

"I don't know, just want you. All of you."

"Okay, pretty. I think I got you." You let out a tiny chuckle before he comes down to kiss you a little more. He slowly pumps in and out, hand pressed against your side as he continues to kiss you, tongue you down.

You begin to wrap your legs around his waist as he finally pulls away and lowers himself closer to your body, your arms also wrapped tightly around his neck. He slides in and out, slowly, deeply. Letting you feel every inch of him with every movement. Your hands are roaming up his short, black hair, grabbing at the ends every now and then when he hits a certain spot.

This— This is exactly how you wanted to be. Intertwined, together, full.

All of him.

"God, I love you." He pants against your neck, clit rubbing against his abdomen with every thrust. "I really love you."

"I love you, too— hmmmgh— please, Kook. Keep going."

"Yeah, fuck. You're so perfect. So perfect for me." He says near your ear before nibbling on your ear lobe. The way you wrapped your legs around him made you feel extra tight, extra warm, like he belonged right here. He continues to take it deep and slow, the both of you releasing low and soft moans. He takes your hands from behind his neck and places it down on the pillow, tightly lacing his fingers with yours while he continued to fuck into you.

The sweet, sweet sounds of your moans and your wet pussy glazing his cock— it was absolute bliss.

Absolute bliss just to be wrapped up in you, to be yours. Through the good and bad days, through thick and thin.

"I'm close, princess. Cum with me." He whispers, lips grazing yours. You nod, your high tipping over the edge as you match his movements and keep your legs wrapped around him.

You feel him.

"Kook, yes. Just like that. I'm gonna— I'm gonna—"

"Cumming, oh fuck!" He groans, hand tightening its grip on yours.

"Kook—Kook—" You whine repeatedly until you reach your own orgasm, twitching as Jungkook continues to thrust to empty the rest of himself within you. When you both finally come down from your highs, Jungkook lazily smiles at you before planting small kisses on your face. You giggle, the both of you letting out a small whimper when he removes himself from within you.

"That was so good." You run your hand through your hair and adjust the sheets to cover your body while Kook positions himself next to you.

"I mean I hope it always is." You smile.

"Yeah, it always is."

"You're not just saying that, right?"

"Of course not." He chuckles.

"It's nice to hear."

"Yeah, yeah." He pulls you onto his chest and holds you tightly.

"I love you, peanut. I know I probably say this a lot, but you really do mean a lot to me. Bad days aren't gonna make me think differently of you, so please let me know what I can do to make you feel better."

"Thank you, Kook. You know I'm here for you too. I won't do that again. It was wrong of me."

"As long as we learn together, right?"

permanent taglist: @miinoongi​ @sunflwrxclouds​ @thebeebi​ @ggukkieland​ @bluesharksandfish​ @unicornbabylover​ @preciouschimine​ @codeinebelle​ @shesoldbutcute​ @jikookiekosmos​ @awhnamjoon​ @namjooningelsewhere​ @bunnybearrj​ @jj134340 @babycoffeefire​ @bri-mal​ @sintaethick​ @taejkjoons​ @love2luvya-blog​ @pb-n-juju​ @dianaxnyc​ @fan-ati--c​ @jungjoonie​ @jcsmae​ @lovelytaes-blog​

[seungly]

ughhhh saw lino getting all frustrated cuz of his belt today and I just want something cute and fluffy of reader comforting him 😣😣 or just anything for my boy lee minho he's been bias wrecking me like crazy recently 💦💦

(seungmin crying in the corner)

Lee know in today's stage has me crawling tbh

but seungmin doesn't have to know that

-

pairing: Lee Minho x reader

genre: fluff, angst if you squint

wc: 395 words

warning/s: mentions of stress

note: first time getting an ask from you, lowkey scared. spare my amateur writing TT here’s a short imagine <33

: ̗̀➛  © seungly 2022

proofread

-

You were sitting on the comfort of your couch, too immersed in the show you were watching that you didn't realize your boyfriend had already stepped into your shared condo. You only noticed him when there was an added weight to the space beside you, "Mm!" you spit out the popcorn out of surprise, "Sorry, hey! I didn't kno-"

The film seems to have stopped as Minho wraps his arms around you out of nowhere which was quite unlike him, “A-anything wrong?” you stutter, not knowing what to do so you pat his arm.

“Bad day...” he mumbled from beside you, his eyes towards the tv while he holds you to him, “Everything went wrong today.” You lean your head on his chest, placing a hand on his thigh to bring a sense of comfort to help him somehow.

Minho doesn’t usually get bad days, he just gets mood swings; Nevertheless, when he’s upset he tends to ask for space until he’s cooled down so to have him wrap his arms around you was a surprise, but you’re definitely not complaining.

“What happened today?” you gently pat his thigh.

Minho says nothing but continues to engulf you in his hold, “Just some mishaps, nothing big.” he mumbles.

“Did someone call you mean words again?” you frown, feeling his head nod a little, “Someone did?” you pull away to stare in his eyes.

“Nothing out of the ordinary. Same old stupid words...” he shrugs it off and made his way to the kitchen where you followed.

“No. Not ‘nothing out of the ordinary’.” you mimic his voice which made him smile a little, “And yes, it is stupid, they make assumptions about a person they barely know.” you watch him take a glass out to pour himself a drink.

“It’s fine. I’m not upset.” he chugs the glass of water before placing it in the sink.

“What?! Yes you are. I know you are and you have every right to be.” you walk closer to him, wrapping your arms around his waist as he leans on the counter behind him, “You know, you’re the most amazing person I know.”

Minho’s lips tugs into a smile, “I’ll make sure to tell that to your mom then.” he laughs- forcefully.

“Okay fine, you come in second but still, you’re an amazing person, Lee Minho.” your voice falters at the sight of his smile, “You should be upset right now.”

“Mmm, not when you’re so cute.” he giggles, wrapping his arms around your back to pull you to his chest.

“Minho...” you whine pushing him away to add space between you. You knew he was upset and he’ll do what he can just to not talk about it, “talk to me, angel.” your hand made its way to cup his face.

“I-I am talking.” he stares at you lovingly, ears red as Hyunjin’s hair. 

You called him an angel.

“You’re an amazing person, yeah?” you smile at him, rubbing your thumbs over the skin of his lightly pink cheeks, “answer me, baby.”

“Yeah...” he mumbles almost inaudibly, “Do we...I-” he clears his throat looking away, “I’m fine now.” 

“You promise?” you squish his cheeks a little, “you have to answer me when I ask, angel.” 

There it was again, that name, that nickname that made his heart swell. He’s never felt so precious to someone so much, “I promise.” he smiles.

“I love you.” you boop his nose with your finger before placing a chaste kiss on his lips, “answer...” you giggle.

“I love you too.” he pulls you to his chest and hides his face in your hair for you to not see his blushing face.

“Your heart is beating so fast...” you whisper audibly making him scoff, smiling still.

-

Feedbacks are very much appreciated!! 

[sunookkii]

hey i know request are closed but this idea just got stuck in my mind and i wanted you to write sum about it if you like it 😭 so basically its an enha reaction/scenario ? where they forget your birthday, (maybe not in a bad way but i dont mind if its angst) hope ur good btw !! <3

a/n : OMG WAIT SRY TO ALL THE OTHER REQUESTS BUT THIS ONE FOR SUM REASON REALLY STUCK OUT TO ME i hope you enjoyyy ;) also I wrote so much I’m so sorry- [not really read proof~]

Also i am well ty for asking >.<

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.enhypen imagine ˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

Enhypen forgetting your bday~

Genre : angsty ish

Warnings : mentions of food, crying, one swear word??

Requested : yes ty beautiful person ;)

Heeseung :

Okay okay so its your birthdayyy and you were really excited for what to happen because you wanted to see what kind of surprise your boyfriend did for your birthday

But to your luck he forgot :(

So you spent all day giving him hints like ‘what day is it’ and at one point you gave up and started pouting really hard

And your face was just overall sad everyone else had remembered your birthday including the members, but for your boyfriend to forget it lowkey hurt

Almost half the day passed and he still didn’t remember

So you ended up going into the room by yourself and started to cry

Your whimpers got louder and louder even though you were trying your best to stay quiet so he doesn’t hear

A few minutes past by and heeseung started looking for you because he sensed something was wrong.

He looked on the calendar really really carefully and FINALLY he came to his realization that it was your birthday but it was kinda too late cuz you hid yourself in your room to cry.

He came into your room to wish you a happy birthday but he sees you curled up into a ball crying to yourself

He felt so bad after this happened, “IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME I WONT EVER GORGET AGAIN!”

He hugs you so tight as if your life depended on it, won’t leave you out of his sight for the rest of the day. You’ll be hearing a lot of hbds and ilys for the rest of the day~

^ so yeah 🤕

Jay :

I feel like it’s rare that he forgets these type of dates buut for the sake of tumblr lets pretend he completely forgot 😧

You woke up in a great mood because it was your birthday of course

You were expecting to be receive a hbd wish from your boyfriend, but nope nothing all morning.

You received a bunch of hbd wishes on Instagram and other platforms mentioning you, but none of them were from jay :(

You quickly got frustrated and because it was your birthday and your bf the person you love most didn’t remember really hurt

So gradually your face became wet from heated silent tears. But unlike heeseung he would super quickly notice because he’s on his phone a lot and he dates things like ‘y/ns bday’ (idk but I imagine him dating things on his phone)

He’d then be like OH SHIT ITS YN’s BD

Runs to you soooooo quick just to see your face red and a bit wet.

Once your eyes connected your tears started to come out quicker

He literally runs up to you to hug you HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IM SO SORRY I FORGOT

After he said that he ran away from you leaving you alone, which made your heart drop thinking that he didn’t care.

But once you finally came out of your room you were greeted with a homemade delicious cake your boyfriend made for you that looked like this

You could tell he felt really bad bc usually he always had a smile on his face while cooking but this time it was a ‘I’m sorry’ face

“I’m really really sorry please forgive me”

All was forgiven bc the cake tasted so mf ing good

Jake :

It was your birthday today, a day that only came once a year so like any other human being it’s a special day for you

You were super excited to see what Jake did for you, because every birthday you had with him was always such a surprise

But today was sort of… different? :(

You saw jake in the living room on the tv and went straight up to him with a smiley face. “GOOODMORNINGGG” 😁

After cuddling for a while on the couch you lifted up your head and asked him If he knew what day it was, he just replyed with a simple Wednesday? With a confused face

I’m pretty sure that one word was enough to make you pretty upset 😅🥲

You started to pout and went back into his chest with a disappointed face.

“Ahh what what, what day is it tell me?” He said playfully, not realizing it was your birthday.

You stayed silent as he checked his phone, ‘y/n’s birthday don’t forget’

When i tell you he gasped he GASPED.

You were already in the verge of tears “IM SO SORRY HBD BABY”

You were still a bit upset at him so you replied with ‘did you really need your phone to tell me what day it was’ 😕

He hugs you tighter while mumbling ‘hbd hbd hbd’

Suddenly let you go of his arms and said he had an errand. Without any explanation he got his car keys to go somewhere leaving you and your thoughts by yourself.

‘Does he not love me anymore that he doesn’t even want to spend time with me on my birthday? ☹️😭”

A while later he comes back and you’re luckily still on the couch where he left you

^^this dude came back with three beautiful cakes from your local cake stores. “I’m bacccckkkk!! please forgive meeeee you know i love you with all my heart 🥺” (okay i hate to use this emoji but there isn’t any other way to describe it TT)

You obviously forgave him because you know it was never his intention to forget,,, “you owe me hugs and kisses for the rest of the day :(“ kindly accepts your request because that is something he’d never complain about #freecuddlesfromyn

Sunghoon :

Okay but like hear me out he’s the type of boyfriend that would ‘pretend’ he forgot your birthday but he actually didn’t

So when he ACTUALLY forgot you just thought he was joking until…

“Hooonieeee, stop joking around I’m seriouss”

“I’m serious too i seriously don’t know what day it is”

“What…”

You leave him for a bit alone with his thoughts, not even gna lie if he did end up forgetting your bday it would take him a while to remember it

But once he remembers he feels so bad 😭

Tackles you with so many hugs and bday kisses and showers you with I’m sorrys and hbd wishes

genuinely ask himself how he forgot the lohls birthday (love of his life’s) literally beats himself for it

And you have to tell him that it’s fine and that you forgive him~

Brings out the birthday cake and sings you a happy birthday song while clapping and laughing.

Puts cake on your nose

Sunoo :

Idk if he’s the type to forget but like jay I don’t think he’d forget

I feel like to him birthdays are the MOST special thing/ date for a person

Like obviously the rest of the members think that but especially sunoo really like sticks to this

So if he had forgotten your birthday you were sooo hurt you ignored him the whole day keeping your distance until he finally remembered

Once he remembered he went to go find you ASAP where you were hiding int he corner of the bedroom moping

He showers you with hugs cuddles kisses pecks, you name it he does it

He feels so bad that he could forget smtg like this, literally asks himself how he could forget such an important date

If the convenience store was still open he’d run to the nearest store and surprise you with a birthday cake. But not just any cake it’d be a cake that was decorated by the one and only Kim Sunoo

Would prepare it so nicely and even have a lit up candle so you can wish on it.

the type to surprise you with it even though he forgot. Brings it to your room while singing the hbd song.

Puts cake frosting on your nose #2, takes lots and lots of pictures to post on insta later

caption : “happy birthday sunshine~”

Jungwon :

he was on the couch as per usual just scrolling through his phone to keep himself occupied but also updated

Not knowing what day it was,,,,,,,

you come outside of your bedroom excitedly to expect a wishful happy birthday wish from the person you love most

But for some reason it oddly seemed like a normal day

“Wonnniiieee my loveeee, guess what day it is!” You said with a sheepish smile

“Hmm wednesday?” He said looking up at you with a calm face

Your happy smile soon became a little pout

“You really don’t know?”

“Isn’t it just a regular Wednesday? Why is there something special?”

oh my- he broke your heart right then and there

You run back into your room because you feel heated tears about to fall, even though it was something small the thought of him not remembering your birthday the day of your birth hurt. A little.

Jungwon was actually super clueless he genuinely didn’t know what day it is but something about you seemed off and the way you ran to your room was quite odd to him so he went and followed you

Before he opened the door he already heard small whimpers from the corner of the bed, and that immediately triggered him and he was about to beat up anyone that made you feel sad 😠 little did he know it was him who made you feel that way

“Baby what’s wrong? Why are you crying”

He holds your chin and turns it to get a better look

wiping your tears with his thumb, you were being a dramatic his giggles make you feel a bit better even though you were mad at him for forgetting

“You forgot my birthday.” You said to him while crying

You can literally see the gears in his brain start to turn when his face went from 😄 -> 😳

“IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY” hugs you so tight that you literally can’t breathe

Doesn’t know what to do to make you feel better, “I’m really sorry for forgetting your birthday, I don’t really know what got into me, please forgive me.”< cue the cutest kitty puppy eyes

He kept on rambling on abt how he was sorry and deserves your forgiveness you literally had to shut him up, he was sorry please forgive him >~<

Cuddles you for the rest of the day

Niki :

He was playing video games normally on his phone, until you excitedly stormed into his room “hiiiii babbbbyyyy”

“Well someone is happy today :)”

“Well of course bc u know what day it isss ;)”

“Wednesday?”

😧😦 < that’s what you looked like when he didn’t know, “you really don’t remember?”

“hmm I’m not too sure” he said before going back to his game

you slowly became disappointed and just ‘celebrated’ your birthday by yourself in the kitchen. :,((

he didn’t notice that you were sad at first bc he was busy playing on his phone, around an hour later he went to the kitchen to get a snack when he sees you in the kitchen staring into space rested your chin on you arm.

‘Are you okay? You seemed fine earlier’

You decided to play the silent game and just avoided him... so he tried to get you to talk to him but after a while it didn’t work so he sort of gave up and went to ask his hyungs what’s wrong with you.

“Niki,,, it’s y/n’s birthday omg did you forget??????” Jake said texting niki

and that’s when the lightbulb in his brain turned on

He rushed to the kitchen and back hugged you so tight and gave you so many cheekie kissies to try and make up for ‘forgetting’

But to his luck you were still mad at him

Soooo he came up with the idea of going to the convenience store really quick to get you a bunch of flowers and a nice cake to surprise you~

You ended up forgiving him because he was tickling you threatening you to forgive him

N knowing Niki he’s not a person you can be mad at for long <3

[outivv]

Hiya! Your blog aesthetic is so cute!

If you don't mind, can you write for Yae Miko and Lisa dating a s/o that has an absolute fear of getting yelled at? Like the s/o completely disappear/avoid the character when they are in a bad mood, out of fear of getting shouted at. Considering those two can be scary when angry. You can do other character if you want to!

Synopsis: y/n who has a fear of being yelled at

Warnings: yelling, mentions of anger, kind of hinting at possible trauma(?) depends on how you read it tbh, and not proofread

Game/ fandom: genshin impact

Characters: yae miko, and Lisa

Pronouns for reader: gender neutral/ not mentioned

A/n: hello! I am so sorry for lowkey stalling with this request, also thank you I’m glad you like my aesthetic! I’ve changed it a few times since you requested, because I can never just… settle on a layout :’). Anyways! I hope you enjoy, and take care of yourself >:O!

— Yae miko —

You’ve only ever seen yae angry a few times, and it was never directed at you. She’s been frustrated with you sure but she would never, never be angry with you. But, with how she acts towards other people when angry.. it’s… understandable to fear being on the receiving end.

Yae noticed your behavior, she’s no fool, she can easily read others emotions as easily as she can read a children’s book. But, despite that she never said anything, it could simply be that something had happened in the past that made you be easily triggered, upset, anxious, etc when others are angry. She understood, and wouldn’t pry as it wasn’t any of her business.

However, when she came home one night, ranting about some foolish writer she works with she noticed you were afraid of her.

Yae could feel her heart sink as she saw your anxious, and fearful expression, like you were desperate to get away. She knew you’d avoid her when she was upset but she didn’t think it was because you were afraid of her. “I’m… sorry if I frightened you…” she said forgetting all about her stupid coworker. “It’s alright” you responded, your voice barely above a whisper.

Yae sighed, and said, “I hope you know that I would never hurt you.” Her voice was kind, almost motherly as she looked at you with sad eyes, yet a warm smile on her face. Her expression made you relax almost instantly, as you hugged her and said “I know. Yelling just.. bothers me.” Yea hummed in response. She didn’t understand why, but she didn’t have to. “As an apology why don’t I treat you to dinner hm?” She said a sly smile on her face. You chuckled and agreed. She always knew how to turn the mood around to make you feel better.

— lisa —

Lisa can be… terrifying. Able to bully grown men into begging for forgiveness, and she’s only the librarian! Imagine what kind of damage she could do if she was a knight. Imagine what the actual knights like kaeya, jean, amber, etc can do! It’s horrifying to think about, especially after seeing Lisa’s wrath many times when helping her collect overdue books. You’ve seen her torture abyss mages into returning the book they stole, which… you obviously didn’t want to receive that kinda treatment!

Lisa would never harm you, she wouldn’t dare think about it even. You’re too important, and she wants to spend the rest of the life she has to live with you. But, that doesn’t mean you don’t fear her. At least a little bit.

The moment lisa realizes is when she’s yelling at some rude adventurer who refuses to return his book, saying he should get to keep it for all his hard work as an adventurer. The sheer audacity! But, she starts to notice you, standing off the the side trying to avoid the situation, or getting her to calm down.

“Lisa please quiet down a little…” you say your voice sounding like a squeak as you speak. “No! This… jerk! Thinks he can just take whatever he wants and it’ll be fine!” She tells in response making you flinch a little, which doesn’t go unnoticed by lisa. She quickly zaps the guy with her vision, and snatched back the book before dragging you off. She hates using her vision against people but if it must be done... then it must be done.

“Are you alright? Did he frighten you? Did anything happen?” Lisa asked question after question, making sure you were alright. She can become very worried about people, almost like a mom. “I’m fine… just the yelling” you responded, her hands cupping your face as she sighed and kissed your cheek. “I’m sorry if it bothered you… I’ll try to… watch my volume around you.” Lisa often did what she wanted, napping on duty, letting the library become dusty, often just not caring that much. But when it came to you, she would care so much, and go the extra mile if it meant making you happy.

[futuremrsreid]

Baby Steps

Request: @gubswh0re requested: "hi! could you do 20,25 & 48 from the promt list all in one? would be amazing, thank you!!"

Summary: A case gone wrong and Spencer blames himself. Reader tries to make him feel better.

Couple: Spencer Reid x reader

Category: hurt/comfort, angst, a bit of fluff if you never felt happiness before

CW: sad as fuck uhm I lowkey broke my own heart but its also really sweet

Word Count: 1,9k

If I had to describe Spencer Reid handling his emotions in two words, they would be “quiet suffering”. In the two years I have known him he only opened up a handful of times. Not in the sense of him never talking about his past or things that happened to him, but whenever he talked about these things, he tells them like one of his facts. He tells you that his mother has schizophrenia, but he doesn't tell you how he feels about it. It always reminds me of a medical anamnesis.

On rare occasions, he would break. Everything became too much, even for him. I remember the first time I witnessed it very clearly. It was after he visited his mom for a few days and, from what he told me, she was in such a bad condition that she didn’t even recognize him. He was devastated and when he was on his way back he drove straight to my apartment, not knowing how to deal with everything. Spencer didn’t call or text before he arrived there and saying I was surprised when I opened my door doesn't even come close. His eyes were bloodshot and it looked like he hadn’t slept for weeks. Truth be told, I was very overwhelmed so I did the only thing I could think of. I pulled him inside and hugged him as hard as humanly possible. 

In the office everyone always jokes about Dr Reid and his fear of human touch, but he hugged me back so hard that breathing became just a little difficult, and in that moment I realized the reason he doesn’t hug people isn’t because of his fear of bacteria. It’s because of the closeness of it. My heart cracked then.

The next discovery I made was that Spencer is a quiet cryer. I didn’t even notice it until his tears started seeping through my shirt and I could feel the wetness. I don’t know how long we stood there, but when I could feel him calming down a bit, I pulled away just enough to be able to look at him. He was extremely embarrassed and started to pull away completely to cover his face with his hands, but I’m too stubborn for that, so I grabbed his wrists and made him look at me. He started crying again then. 

It took an hour until he started telling me what got him so upset and after that we talked the whole night, about his mother, her sickness and everything related to it. I always hoped that he would open up about it eventually, but when he finally did, I couldn’t handle it very well. I tried not to cry myself, but that is hard when the person you love most breaks down in front of you like that. 

That night I held him close, let him lie on my chest, played with his hair - everything to try and make his pain go away. And after that day I thought things would have changed, that he would stop hiding and open up more to me,  but I was very wrong. When he woke up the next morning he apologized about a hundred times and no words or reassurance made him less ashamed. Afterwards he tried to act like nothing had ever happened.

So in conclusion: I had done a lot of difficult tasks in my life, but getting Spencer Reid to talk about his feelings was by far the most difficult. Nonetheless, today was one of those rare days.

We just came back from a really shitty case that resulted in more victims than it should have due to the police department holding back evidence. It was messy and frustrating and exhausting. Spencer was there when one of the victims was shot and he blamed himself for not preventing it, even though we all told them that there was no chance that he could have done it.

And as if the case itself wasn't bad enough, we were stuck for more time back in the office to do the paperwork. When the clock turned 8 pm Hotch came out of his office to tell us to go home. We all sighed in relief and started packing up our things. All of us except a particular dr. He was still sitting at his desk, typing away on his computer. I watched him for a while, contemplating what to do, and after everyone said their goodbyes, I walked over to him.

“Come on. I’ll take you home”, I said, leaning on his desk trying to catch his eyes with mine. No luck.

“I still have work to do, I’ll take the subway home later.” He continued typing like i wasn’t even there and I got frustrated. The case was already bad enough and I would not stand here watching him torture himself.

“That wasn’t a request, Spencer.” I didn’t intend to sound so harsh but hey, at least it made him look at me. “We are gonna leave. Now.” He opened his mouth to protest and closed it again, he knew better than to argue with me. My eyes said it all: If he would stay, I would stay. And since Spencer Reid cares about everyone but himself, he closed his computer and packed up his things.

The walk to my car was quiet, and so were the first 5 minutes of driving. I kept glancing at him from the driver's seat, but he was looking out of the window, lost in thought. The guy on the radio made a stupid comment and normally he would have immidiatly complained, but it seemed like he didn’t even hear it. His brain is a beautiful place with a million facts and ideas, yet I can imagine how scary it can be as well. When Spencer gets really lost in his thoughts he begins to spiral and I can just guess that that is what happened at that moment. Only then I came to the conclusion that he wanted to stay and work because that would distract him from anything going on inside. 

“Talk to me, Spence.” My tone was pleading, practically begging at this point.

“I’m fine, y/n.” I sighed. I was thinking about just letting it go, but then I thought about him alone in his apartment, stuck in this beautiful scary brain of his. I wanted to help, but I didn’t know how. I took a deep breath. If you're lost, stick to what you know.

“Do you trust me?”

“What?”, he turned to me with a quizzical expression on his face.

“Do you trust me?”, I asked again, looking him in the eyes this time.

“Of course I trust you. Why are you even asking me this?”

“We’re making a detour. I’m gonna show you something.” My words didn’t leave room for questions so we just fell silent again. He continued to watch me with a questioning look, but i tried to ignore him. I was too focused on taking the right turns anyway. It was hard to find my way in the dark, but 5 minutes later we were there. I got out of the car and waited for Spencer to do the same and after he did, he seemed more confused than ever. I walked over to the familiar building and fished for a key at the same moment. 

“What is this place?”

“It’s an art gallery. My mom used to work here.” I found what I was looking for and started to unlock the door.

“And you just have a key to this place?” If the circumstances were different, I would have laughed at his confusion, however, the circumstances weren’t different.

“Yep.” The door opened and I looked for the light switch. “Come on, just follow me.” 

I led us up the 5 flights of stairs and then, after 2 more doors we were finally there. The place that has been the only place I called home for the years before I joined the team.

“Are you sure we should be doing this? We’re not breaking in right now, are we?” At this I did laugh. I stepped further onto the rooftop. 

“Relax Spence, we are not breaking any laws.” He was still hesitant so I took his hand and pulled him to the edge. The railing was high, meaning there was no danger of falling down. I let go of his hand and leaned on it. The building was on a small hill and since it had a few stories, you were able to look over a big part of the city. It was always a beautiful view, but that night was extra special. It was a Friday in the late summer, which didn’t only mean the sky was clear, there were also a lot of traffic lights and buildings that shone bright. 

I just watched and after a few minutes Spencer stood beside me and did the same. Some time passed before I broke the silence.

“How many people are living in the US?” He didn’t hesitate before answering. It was like a reflex for him by now. I liked to ask random questions all the time and to this day, he always had an answer.

“331.002.651 people.” I paused for a few seconds.

“You can’t protect all of them, Spencer.”

“Y/n I-”

“I mean it, Spence. It is humanly impossible to protect everyone. You can protect some of them, maybe even a lot, but you won’t ever be able to do that if you keep beating yourself up over incidents like today.” He sighed and opened his mouth to speak, but I wasn’t done. “I know how you feel and I know it’s not easy. There was no chance for you to save that girl, Spencer. Zero. And if you can’t accept that, you will lose yourself. And then you won’t be able to save anyone anymore.” I know it was harsh, however, sometimes that's the only language he understands.

“You could have said all of that in the car.” He paused. “Why did you take me here?” I didn’t expect him to comment on what I said. He knew I was right, that’s all I needed.

“My mom sometimes took me with her on her shifts and after she was done we would go up here. After she died the owner gave me a key so that I could come here every time I needed it. Or needed her.”

“Do you come here often?”

“Not anymore. This place was the only thing making me feel at home for years and I came almost every day, but when I started working at the BAU I stopped going here more and more. And now I don’t really need it anymore, because my apartment finally started feeling like home. Especially when you are there.” I looked at him while saying that last sentence and I saw him smile for the first time in days. His eyes caught mine.

“Thank you, y/n.” Those words could have many different meanings. Thank you for taking me here. Thank you for staying. Thank you for making me feel better. But it didn’t matter what he meant, because I knew.

“Do you want to go home?”

“I think I’d like to stay for a bit longer.”

And that's what we did. We stayed there for hours. That night we talked through every possible way of how Spencer could have acted differently, yet every scenario ended with the death of that girl. After that he finally accepted that it wasn’t his fault. Baby steps.

[the-ghost-king]

About the cupid scene, Nico was forced to come out, but its also made very clear that Cupid is the bad guy. So is Aphrodite to an extent. They have a twisted and fundamental misunderstanding of love and how it works for mortals. I get that people could be mad about how Nico was forced to come out and putting him through more emotional trauma, but I also think its very realistic in showing how callous and cruel the gods understanding of love is.

I am reminded of the quote by Madeline Miller, "There is no law that gods must be fair..."

I also understand why the scene might be traumatic for other young LGBTQ+ readers, I've seen a lot of people talk about the fear of being outed in regards to them reading that scene as a kid. I completely respect their feelings on that, and I understand that as well. However, as someone who had been forcibly outed once before reading that scene, that scene really helped heal me. I don't think the Cupid scene is inherently homophobic, and I'm often bothered by the lack of nuance regarding around how it's handled.

I recognize it's a very emotional scene, and that people may have a hard time fully separating their emotions from that scene, but at the same time if there's a group of people saying "hey I understand why you disliked this scene but it was really helpful to me as a child because of the different experiences I had" maybe slow the breaks and hear what others also in the community have to say before determining if the scene is homophobic. You don't have to like the scene, and yeah maybe the scene did hurt you but that doesn't make it homophobic.

I want to specify on my word choice there a little closer, because of course outing someone is an act of homophobia, and the scene is homophobic in that sense. However often times the conversation about homophobia in this scene goes to "Rick was homophobic for writing this" where personally I would say this scene toes the line at being too far without ever crossing it. Some people may think this depiction crosses the line into "Rick was homophobic for writing this" which is fine, but just because something depicted homophobia and hurt you doesn't mean it was homophobic. Something doesn't have to out rightly be stated to be bad, in order to be read as bad*, and the Cupid scene does a wonderful job of depicting this.

I talk here about how Nico is shown what love is, and how love is treated by Nico, and how it affects his character. I think it's important to note that Nico's entire storyline can essentially be encompassed in an Orpheus-like or Odyssey-like tale. Nico's undergone this huge emotional and physical labor all in the name of having some form of unconditional love. I think that post is a really important read in the context of this one because I very carefully outline how love shapes Nico and how Nico shape and chooses his own definition of love, but I want to specifically dig into the Cupid scene on this post.

The big criticism often seen is "it's homophobic" which I covered above, and I want to clarify I'm not upset with or mad at or trying to tell anyone they can't dislike it or even say you can't say it's homophobic (my words on my one post are a bit off I'll admit) but the problem I have is when people believe they hold a moral high ground for thinking it's homophobic, or they remove all nuance from the discussion with "it's homophobic". Which is frustrating and annoying because it's a very complex scene, and it really changes Nico's arc and personality and it does help characterize him.

The big reason it shapes him so much is because of the other largest reason the scene is criticized, Cupid's behavior. What often fails to be recognized in those scenes is that Cupid is intentionally painted as the villain, this is very important to the scene.

In the context of this scene Nico makes an unspoken choice, a choice of "what is love to me?". I talk about how Nico claims his narrative in BoTL when he overcomes Minos, and he partially peaks that arc by convincing Gods to join the final battle of TLO. Following that arc however, Nico falls into his second arc, his crush on Percy was important in PJO, but not as important as it is in HoO.

By HoO Nico's entire character revolves around Percy, how to help Percy, how to aid Percy, etc. All of this has to do with Nico's crush on Percy, but also as an act of repayment because Nico hurt Percy- Nico lied to him about knowing him at New Rome in SoN, and he goes to Tartarus shortly after... This mirrors what Percy did after Hades tricked Nico... Percy choked Nico because he was upset with him, so Nico tried to win back Percy's affection by bathing him in the river.

The Cupid Scene is the resolution of Nico's arc, he is essentially given a choice- Cupid or Jason?

For this reason, we do see Nico recognize love for what it has been vs how it could be.

Cupid is there to represent what love is, to Nico love is brutal, and painful, and a lot of hard work... Nico has made himself utilitarian in love simply because it is the only way he can find any affection. Love to Nico is about flaying yourself for the benefit of others, to trample any and all parts of yourself simply to appease those you care for, because you want them to love you so much as you love them. The parallels I could draw between Nico and Orpheus, or Nico and Odysseus... I'd be here a long while...

In that scene Jason represents the alternative form of love which Nico chooses after his interaction with Cupid.

Jason says during the scene that he "preferred Piper's idea of love" which has to do with kindness and caring, etc, and then Jason becomes the embodiment of that idea during the scene- which showcases the alternative of what love can be, thus making Jason a personification of love in the context of that scene.

Jason looks to Nico, he doesn't ask for more, he simply looks to Nico with understanding and acknowledges him for who he is, and he does the exact opposite of what Nico expects:

Jason loves Nico where he is, without conditions, without forcing Nico to become something more. Jason didn’t force Nico to say more than what was necessary for him to understand, Jason looked at Nico and he called Nico brave.

Cupid is a more volatile form of love than Aphrodite, Cupid shoots arrows that makes people animals, that can make a god grow insane, but Aphrodite's form of love is about acceptance and humanity (think to how she picked Ares over Hephaestus even if it was perhaps "wrong")- both are about truth but one is about force and the other about acceptance.

When Nico walks out of there, he makes his choice- he is forced to come out yes, Cupid is wrong for doing this, but Jason again stays a figure of love in Nico's life. Jason basically says, "Good job, I know that was hard, thank you for sharing and let me know if you need anything, people will care about you and understand you," again and again and again to Nico, he doesn't tell Nico he has to come out, and he agrees to keep it between them for now. Jason is love as acceptance, Jason is the first person who unconditionally loves Nico, and that's the choice.

Will Nico accept unconditional love? If the answer is no, then Cupid wins and Nico is denying himself. If the answer is yes, then Jason and Nico win, and Nico no longer needs to make himself utilitarian in love in order to be loved.

The choice is made with Reyna and Hedge, most specifically Reyna.

When he accidentally comes out to them, and they accept him without making a big deal of it, without show, just that acknowledgement and "thank you for sharing" and Nico accepts their words and friendship still- Nico made his choice then to accept the love he was being freely given.

“He carried so much sadness and loneliness, so much heartache. Yet he put his mission first. He persevered. Reyna respected that. She understood that. She'd never been a touchy-feely person, but she had the strangest desire to drape her cloak over Nico's shoulders and tuck him in. She mentally chided herself. He was a comrade, not her little brother. He wouldn't appreciate the gesture.”

This is where we see the slow and steady, and healthy, end to Nico's arc in regards to love really grow into itself, and he begins to heal. He no longer sees such an intense need to make himself utilitarian for love, and he begins to heal from his internalized homophobia too.

(Internalized homophobia discussions with Nico also bother me too often times, people too often assume you can't date while struggling with internalized homophobia or at least very heavy handedly imply that which is just not true... You may have some issues in your relationship, but you can work through the internalized homophobia while building a new relationship and be just fine. Also to assume someone has an unhealthy relationship because of internalized homophobia is weird and lowkey reinforces the idea that "broken" people don't need love, but also does a huge disservice to so many LGBTQ+ people who are happily married/themselves but still struggle with these feelings, and to see a healthy relationship depiction despite someone in that relationship struggling with internalized homophobia is fine and good actually. As long as the individual can recognize what they're dealing with, and work through it in a healthy and constructive manner, then there's nothing wrong there...)

When I started this post to be honest I thought I would have a lot more to say, it's a scene that touched and changed me so deeply as a person, and beyond that in a more objective experience it completely changes Nico's character, by turning his arc around and beginning his healing process. To be honest, there probably is more to be said on it, I just haven't found the words yet... I know parts of this post are clunky and in a year I'm going to read this and see all the places it could be better but for now I'm content with it.

Whether or not someone considers the scene homophobic is a subjective experience, but I think this is a very well written scene purely for the characterization and symbolism, intentional or otherwise. I don't really care that much to debate if it's truly a homophobic scene or not, I can see both why people say it is and why people say it isn't and that can be culminated into "people have different needs" and "minorities aren't a monolith". Personally my much larger complaint is the complete lack of nuance and insight scenes like this are handled with, not the matter of personal opinion an individual reaches on the scene.

*the post uses the word "adult audience" and yes, fair point, children should not be able to decipher symbolism to the extent adults can. But older children and young teens, which the RRverse series are sold for, is when critical thinking skills and media analysis do begin to become parts of classroom curriculum. The scene does an excellent job of not outright stating Cupid is evil, but of depicting that in a very clear cut way.

[starbornsinger]

Elriel/Gwynriel/Elucien Theory Time :)

Ok so in regards to the Az POV chapter, I have some thoughts. This is super long and detailed and also tearing down ships, so uh, beware.

⚠️ACOSF spoilers (duh)⚠️

So I was re-reading the thing and as I was reading the conversation between Az and Rhys, it kind of hit me. I used to be an Elriel shipper until ACOSF, and I was really all for it.

But I don't think they're in love.

See, earlier in the chapter, Az is thinking about how jealous he is of the other couples. We know he isn't very lucky in love, and seeing Elain and her mate and their mating bond upsets him. I think he fancies Elain because she's beautiful and sweet, but I don't think he's in love with her. I think she's another thing he can't have, and he feels frustrated and it only makes him want her more. Because he thinks, why shouldn't he have her? Why is the Mother so cruel as to deny him love? And he thinks, "well all my other brothers have Archeron mates, why don't I? It must be a mistake!"

I think what Azriel's biggest issue is though, is that he wants love so bad, he's willing to risk it all for the first girl he feels attraction too. It also feels relevant that the primary thing we see in his POV is his physical attraction to her, his sexual attraction. We don't see much of how he thinks she's so sweet or so clever or so gentle, but instead how nice her tits are and how badly he wants to kiss and fuck her. I think he doesn't particularly want Elain, and while he likes her, I think what he really wants is love. True love, just like his brothers and friends. He thinks the Mother must be wrong because they both got Archeron sisters while he didn't, and his attraction to Elain makes him wish they were Mates so he could finally have that true love that's entirely his own.

But she's not. And he can't. I think what Azriel wants most isn't Elain. He wants her sexually, and he admires her and has a crush on her, but the thing he focuses on and gives him the most emotion is that she has a Mate and he doesn't, and that everyone does but him. I think he wants someone like Elain and wants to feel happy, but I think he doesn't exactly want Elain. When he thinks of her, he doesn't seem to be truly in love as we've seen other SJM couples are. And sure, it's early, but it's also been like— 2 years. I don't think they're in love sadly, I think Azriel just wants to move on from Mor and finally find love. He has a type, and when he found someone who loosely fit into the mold of his ideal partner, he jumped at it because he's desperate to have someone love him. All his life, he's struggled with self-love and love from others, and I think that it's deeply affected his relationship with love itself.

Physical attraction and desire and interest isn't love. And the idea of her being mated already only makes him mad— that of course the first girl he likes for the first time in 500 years, of course the girl that could help him move on from Mor, is mated. I think that only makes him feel more passionate towards her; and Rhys notes how he seems to think he has a claim to her, when he doesn't. It makes Az angry, not because Rhysand thinks he's being possessive and reckless, but because it's true. He genuinely can't have her.

As for Elain, I think she's far too hesitant to be with him. She reminds me of Daisy in The Great Gatsby, and how she claims to love Jay but she won't leave Tom, or jilt him. Now this is a different situation, because Daisy was selfish and didn't want to give up her comforts and stability and fame. Elain, on the other hand, doesn't seem ready to have a serious relationship with Az. I think she is still severely affected by Graysen's rejection, and is still clearly not over him. I don't think she's ready to accept Az fully and be with him, and I also don't think she's ready to reject her mating bond with Lucien.

I don't know 100% what's going on with Elain, but what I do know is that clearly she is intrigued by Lucien in some capacity. Ok Elriel shippers, don't come for me, but there are several scenes in which Elain seems to want to talk to Lucien, or whatever the heck. But also seems disinterested, like when she dismisses his Solstice gifts and doesn't speak to him.

However, I don't think she's resentful towards him exactly, or at least that isn't the main reason she's like this. While we know he was helping Tamlin lowkey, Feyre and the IC all understood he was on their side, and was their friend. So it seems kind of odd to still bear a grudge against him, but who knows.

But funnily enough, she has yet to reject their mating bond. If she's so disinterested, or hates him so much, why hasn't she turned him down? Mother, she's barely spoken to him at all. I think the obvious reason behind her disdain or distancing from Lucien is her connection to Graysen and her human life. Of all the sisters, Elain has not yet adapted to or accepted that she is Fae— or if she has, she's sure as hell not happy about it. Even Nesta in ACOSF mentioned how she actually likes her ears now, and we know Feyre has totally accepted being Fae. But with Elain, she had the most human connected life of them all, and to have it taken away from her is shitty.

For Elain, her happiness seems to come from a love of gardening, of family, of people. She has very little human things to hold onto, and adding a Mating bond to the mix right as she's made Fae is like she's had all her humanity stripped. She doesn't hate Lucien, she hates the bond. She dislikes that it's chained her to someone and taken away her choices, which we know is a big deal for the sisters after being imprisoned, kidnapped, and Made. I think Elriel is an infatuation, because even though she doesn't love Az, he's helping her rebound from Graysen (and giving her control and power over her love life). He's a choice she (can't really) make, but a choice nonetheless. With Lucien, she feels she has no choice with him, and no control over her obvious attraction I say obvious because mates have a primal attraction of some level to each other , and is probably afraid that accepting the Mating bond will remove any last connections she has to who she used to be, and the human she feels she really is.

But she also hasn't rejected it, because I think she realizes that Lucien is a genuine and kind and hot guy, and that rejecting him would be a stupid idea. He's been very patient and very kind and accepting, and has always given her the freedom of choice when it comes to the bond. I think Lucien is the kind of guy that would be very easy to fall in love with, and I think Elain sees that and knows it.

Also, I think with ACOSF, it feels relevant that Cassian pointed out specifically how Elain looked beautiful in black at the ball, but it looked horribly wrong on her. With SJM the devil is always in the details, and I think it was a clearly accentuated bit of symbolism. Although Elain looks beautiful, the black dress wasn't for her. And although Elriel is very sweet, it won't work out. She won't thrive in the Night Court, or with Azriel. Az doesn't challenge her or meet her as an equal (like all other SJM ships), and they don't push each other to be better or to accept themselves or whatever etc etc.

And I really used to like Elriel, but I think that surprisingly, Elain will be the one who says "stop, I can't do this" to Az. I think she knows she isn't ready, and I think she knows they aren't meant to be. Even if a Mating bond was put in place between her and Lucien, I still think their relationship wouldn't work because they're both too insecure, too closed off, too non-communicative, and too stagnant together to be a healthy or good match. I think with Elain they would struggle to understand each other even if they were fond of each other and can relate on some level, but at its rawest form I think they won't truly be able to be themselves with each other.

With Elain, Azriel's shadows— a key part of him— disappear. While I initially thought, awww that's so cute, she's a light in his life, I soon realized I was wrong. Az's shadows are not just a part of him, they're an extension of him, of his will and subconscious and emotions. So Elain chasing them away, while chasing away the shadows and darkness seems cute, isn't a good thing. Most of the time with shadows, we think "ew bad!" Because they have an inherent connotation of negativity or sorrow or depression or darkness etc etc. And while this is partially true, Azriel's shadows and darkness are a part of him. His sadness and struggles are a part of him. And his shadows aren't just representative of that, they're also a representation of how he overcame his abuse and turned that fire (pun unintended) and anger and trauma into something beautiful and powerful and a weapon. I think they can serve as an armor and a shield, and while that's not good, I also don't think they should fully disappear.

More on that: with Azriel's shadows, we know they're a part of him, right? So I think an important part of self is self-regulation. Rather than be consumed entirely by shadow, or totally exposed to the light, I think he just needs his shadows to be calm and present, but not controlling or hiding. I think the whole "Elain bringing him out of the shadows" bit sounds cute at first, but then you have to think of it like this. In order to be with Elain, he would have to change. He couldn't be a spy or a shadowsinger or a torturer, and he couldn't be dark and introverted. With her, he has to push that aside. Those are key parts of him, key parts that would have a big impact on their relationship. Elain can't be with someone with so much blood on their hands or a history of violence or darkness. We know that, because we know that sort of thing upsets her and she doesn't like it.

Azriel can't just be himself with her, he has to become someone else. And while he's attracted enough to not care, after awhile, that grows exhausting. Being in love and not being your true self, all of it, is exhausting. And while some might argue "why can't he be his true self?!" well my slime, I think we both know that even if we wanted him to, Elain would be silently resigned about it. I don't think— no, I know— Elain can't be with someone like Azriel. Even if they have feelings, even if they have lust or affection, it isn't love. They aren't in love, and they won't work out no matter how much we want it to.

Onto Elain: with Elain, this all ties back to what Cassian said in Hewn City. She looks beautiful in black, but it's wholly wrong for her. The Night Court is wrong for her, and darkness is wrong for her. While some yin-yang relationship tropes can work very well, I don't think this will. She doesn't like the darkness or accept it, and she doesn't want to be a part of it. I think the Night Court is good and happy for her when she makes her own little garden world, and only then, really. It's like living in the middle of the desert and only thinking of the beach: it's not the right place for her.

I think the Spring Court needs her, and I think she needs it. Here's more on that.

So we've seen the set up and execution of the fall of the Spring Court. We know that it's in shambles and is weak and needs a new/better leader than Tampon. I feel like SJM is setting things up for a new book focused in the Spring Court, because in a lot of ways, it's becoming the centerpiece for action in Prythian (aside from the Night Court). I genuinely believe that as Tamlin's second, Lucien will take over the Spring Court as High Lord. He doesn't fit in with Autumn, didn't fit in with Night, and wasn't really a part of Spring. But with Spring, it was where he was happy, where he felt safe, and the home he chose. Chosen homes and chosen families are a big deal for SJM, and I think that Lucien will return to the Spring Court to try and help it, because Mother knows it needs it. I think Elain belongs there, not only because she needs to be in an environment suited to her, but because she needs to heal.

We've seen a theme of helping others heal in order to heal ourselves, and I think a good book idea (and what I think an Elain book would be about), is healing the Spring Court and helping it. Elain is a gardener. She wants to see things grow and blossom, wants to get her hands dirty and dig in! But she can't do that in the NC. I think she needs something new and fresh and blossoming that she can help and tend to, and I think the person that can be at her side for that is Lucien. I think with Azriel, she can't see growth and life and flowers. He's a different kind of person, far too different, and the two wouldn't mesh well. Elain isn't like Persephone and Azriel isn't like Hades; although she's flowers and he's death and they're attracted to each other, they don't fully accept those roles and cross into each other's. Elain could never be a killer or someone who wears black or thrives in a darker place, and Azriel couldn't be someone who is in the full heat of the light and wear bright colors and be cheerful and flowery. In a dream world, yes, but I think in this one, no. SJM loves to create realistic relationships and realistic relationship conflict, and I think we'll see this here. Even though they want it to work, and in theory it should, it won't. I think they know it too. Azriel's shadows vanish when she's around, and Elain struggles to feel comfortable in the darkness and Night Court, and fit in with the others in the black dress that is wholly un-Elain.

I also think that this relationship doesn't bring development to the table. The forbidden love concept is adorable and a trope I love, but this love isn't one that will push them to grow. Azriel can feel loved and happy, but can he feel fully accepted? Can he stop being ashamed of his shadows, of his violence? Of who he is? Can Elain break out of her shelf and be more assertive, and truly grow and change? Can she be herself and be happy? The answer is a sad no. Their relationship is sweet and cute, but it won't truly work. I genuinely believe Lucien is a better match for Elain, and while the Cauldron isn't always right (like Rhysand's parents), it usually is. If he isn't, then I'm all for independent Elain.

Now onto the moment you've all been waiting for: who should Az be with?

Gwyn. :)