#and it just will be discovered quickly
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sci-fi au!
the romance dawn trio!
I was reminded that I actually really love sci-fi and I was physically unable to keep myself from putting Strawhats there
it's mostly designs and base information, so details under cut!
The distant future! The humanity had conquered numerous star system, built colonies there and even met aliens! Even if it seems like we now know everything about our galaxy, there still are dangerous and uncharted planets. And only one man is rumored to explore them all. It was Gol D. Roger a notorious space pirate, later bearing the title of the pirate king. He has built a great fortune and left it all on one of the planets on the very outskirts of the galaxy, for the future generation to find!
okay, I just wanted to say that :D
and, well, as can be seen this au is just One Piece but in space mainly inspired by Cowboy Be-Bop and all the sci-fi books I've read (very similar to star wars but more casual) with some differences. (I also didn't want to go full cyberpunk)
Roger was a space pirate and explorer. He did cause quite a lot of trouble, but people closest to him know that his biggest crime was being so free, that even gods became jealous of him. He travelled the whole galaxy, explored unknown planets and visited most dangerous places.
Since unlike the Grand Line the space isn't linear and the further they go the less signs of civilization they encounter, Strawhats have to return to established stations and run some errands to earn money to buy supplies, repair their ship. Of course, they take the most exciting jobs, which is why they go to wonderfully dangerous and interesting places and meet wonderfully dangerous and interesting people. Actually running around the whole galaxy seems to prove rather beneficial to their searching of Roger treasure. Since no one has any idea where he left the clues to it! It just so happens that idiots think similarly and planets that Roger was interested in pique Luffy's interest as well!
(and the side jobs they take are mostly bounty hunting (is taken care of by Zoro and whoever is free), aiding scientists by going to places no one wants to go because no one wants to risk their lives(and, you know, scanning the surface, checking on research stations placing probes etc) and sometimes even giving people(various people, not many of whom are lawful civilians. revolutionaries know Strawhats and love them) a ride, for money, of course)
Unfortunately, since Zoro's story is rather simple and I want to talk about Luffy's a bit later, so here is some trivia about Nami and Arlong Pirates. (and yes minks, fishmen, and longlegs and longarms are aliens :D )
Did you know that when space probe are launched into space, their route and time of the launch are set in the way to make the most use of the gravitational pull of the planets to save fuel? That's what Nami does! Her job is to calculate the best route for their ship to take. And while computer offers the safest way, she is willing to take risks :) which is why Strawhats travel faster than most other space sailors. Nami wasn't born on Earth, she and Nojiko were brought here by Bell-mère. Arlong pirates take control of settlements on asteroids and moons, and even some towns on Earth which are too small for the government to care. Nami, just like Zoro, had went into space before Luffy, but didn't go further than solar system.
#monkey d. luffy#roronoa zoro#nami#one piece nami#one piece#op fanart#op sci-fi au#maybe I'll think of a name later#alternate universe#fanart#art#karyss' art#text post#a lot of text actually#also the one piece is placed on the outskirts of the galaxy and not in its heart#because no matter how good-sounding the line is the center of the galaxy has very high star system density#(and in theory thats the place there the probability of life arising is rather high)#and it just will be discovered quickly#probably#or maybe not#good thing I'm mostly immune to existential crisis
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My latest completed commission may have been a bit ambitious... because I went wild with it. But I certainly relished in doing so :') Combining my favorite ship with my favorite-ever Disney movie is, uh... a dangerous concoction :'D
The commissioner specifically requested for Azula as Mulan, Sokka as Shang, and Xin Long (my OC dragon from Gladiator) as Mushu. The rest of the cast was up to me to choose, and I pretty much went wild rewatching this movie and picking out some of my favorite moments to recreate them in my style, with these characters. I came up with a lot of correlating characters between both ATLA and 1998's Mulan, but I couldn't hope to draw EVERYTHING, unfortunately. Still, if you want my reasoning for the cast correlation... check out the Read More! Beyond that, feel free to reach out to me if you'd like to commission me, or if you want to join my Patreon!
The Herbalist as Mulan's grandmother might feel arbitrary but she honestly felt like the ATLA elderly lady with the most similar personality to Grandma Fa. Fickle, with a unique connection with a seemingly perfectly ordinary animal, old and sassy? Figured it fit! So for once, the Herbalist is Azula's grandma! xD strange notion, I know, Azulon/Herbalist is not a ship I ever thought I'd accidentally put out in the world but there have been wilder ships than that in this fandom...
Momo became Cri-Kee, I wasn't 100% sold on it but when I considered that Avatar features soooo many hybrid animals... I figured he could be a hybrid cricket-lemur. Weird, I know, but eh? Better than nothing xD
Aang as Chien-Po was a no-brainer. He's the only character I settled on instantly, never even considered anyone else for the role. Their personalities line up really well, and Chien-Po's tendency to be OP and resolve things that are outside of other people's reach sounded like he was prime Avatar material! So, while their dietary preferences are an obvious difference between them, I decided to go for it nonetheless considering all their other similarities!
Kino (another Gladiator OC) is Ling, and he actually did give me a ton of trouble to choose. I considered many characters for the role right up until I realized that Kino's personality actually lines up fairly well with Ling's, down to being a class clown type (who ABSOLUTELY would have cut gym class!) and breaking out in song about the hypothetical woman he'd like to fight for? Yeeeeah that's right up his alley xD but there's another reason why I picked Kino...
... And that is my likely unexpected choice for Yao:
ZUKO.
ZUKO IS YAO.
YES.
I'M NOT EVEN SORRY.
(For the uninitiated, Aang, Zuko and Kino are best friends in Gladiator, very often together, and they make a really good team, so that's the extra reason why Kino became the obvious choice for Ling aside from having really similar personalities, definitely closer personalities than, say, Jet, for instance.)
People have likened Zuko to Shang a LOT since ATLA aired. This is the main reason why I'm even making this huge note! I suspect it's primarily because of the aesthetic, let's be real here, and because he becomes Aang's teacher, but people have exaggerated Zuko's alleged similarities with Shang, or taken them out of proportion, in many ways. I actually remember an AMV ages ago with "Be a Man" and it was Zuko "training the Gaang"?? It... didn't feel right to me. Obviously, someone might rebuff with "well, how does Sokka make MORE sense than that, though?" And believe it or not, I have arguments for that... (when do I not...?)
Not only is this what the commissioner specifically requested (and it obviously lines up with the ship we love!), but let's examine the actual reasons why Sokka as Shang adds up:
Sokka actually had to train a bunch of toddlers who weren't paying any attention to him. You know. Kind of how Shang had to train the unruly soldiers who weren't getting anything right. Sokka has a positive relationship with his dad (Zuko, ofc, does not). Shang also has a positive relationship with his dad! And not only this, but there's a military component to both relationships, specifically with Shang wanting to follow on his father's footsteps and aid him in the war... so much like someone else I know, who jumped at every opportunity to rejoin his father in the war, even wishing to join him as a child until Hakoda tasked him with protecting their Tribe instead (kinda like Shang is tasked with training soldiers rather than joining a battlefield).
And the final cherry-on-top that I'd loooove to hear Zuko fans try to argue against... is sexism :') didn't Sokka get characterized as a sexist guy for four episodes, which made people decide that this was his main character trait even if it went away that quickly? Um, yes, that happened. Shang literally sings the memorable song that's a crazy ode to masculinity, including the rather sexist line of "did they send me daughters when I asked for sons". Shang outright abandons Mulan once they discover that she was a woman all along (while, admittedly, choosing to abandon her rather than KILL HER, which as we saw from Chi-Fu, he was NOT supposed to spare her!)...
So, is this REALLY what Zuko fans, who willfully believe their boy is a feminist king (... why? beats me...) are trying to compare their unproblematic blorbo to? :'D Me? I have no problem linking Sokka with Shang due to Sokka's beginnings and due to the fact that both Shang and Sokka have similar growth when it comes to accepting femininity is as valid as masculinity, and as they both learn to respect women as fighters and potential heroes! (I simply do not believe Sokka's ENTIRE tenure in ATLA was about that, though, and that's what I continue to clash with the fandom over...) So... all this is why I've reasoned that Sokka is a VERY solid choice for Shang, in fact, better than Zuko could hope to be.
... but this isn't all.
Maybe some might accept my arguments for Sokka-Shang. And then, they might ask:
WHY ZUKO AS YAO, THO??
... And the truth is it took me long to see it, myself, but HOLY SHIT, DOES IT FIT!
What is the primary thing we remember about Yao in Mulan? This guy is constantly itching for a fight, to prove himself, surely riddled with insecurities that he exteriorizes through overcompensation of masculinity. He's funny as fuck, but he's taking himself 100% seriously as a manly man all the time, and he's always ready for violence. But there's one more thing...
He treats Mulan as his RIVAL.
And more often than not? SHE SCREWS HIM OVER. Intentionally or not.
What does that sound like? Why, yes, it sounds a LOT like Azula and Zuko's sibling relationship!
The fact that Yao is a temperamental dude who lashes out easily at things (oh, something he has in common with Zuko!), that he specifically resents Mulan (in this case, Azula, just as Zuko does!) and is either constantly looking to defeat her and prove his superiority over her (... wait, just as Zuko with Azula??), that he has a black eye perpetually across the movie, and it's his LEFT EYE (just as Zuko's scar is on his left eye! :'D), that he's friends with a pacifist he has basically nothing in common with, personality-wise (just like Zuko and Aang!), and that he pretty much has a REDEMPTION ARC in which he goes from a bitter, asshole rival to Mulan to treating her as a friend and ally, to the point where he was disappointed to leave her behind and THEN joined her at once when she says she has a plan? :') I have always been critical of Zuko's redemption arc, goes without saying. But if ANY of these characters redeemed himself in any significant way, it certainly seems to be Yao to me, and with people gushing NON-STOP about Zuko's redemption? Why, he ought to be the character who goes from bitter rival to loyal friend, right?
So. I'm not even sorry. Zuko is Yao. And I'd dare say that he should be flattered by the comparison, even, because Yao ends up being cool as FUCK!
I don't really talk about this much nowadays, but Mulan was my favorite Disney movie growing up, it ABSOLUTELY had a formative influence on me as a little girl, and Mulan was my favorite female character for a looooong time. Thus, any excuse to rewatch this movie makes me happy as heck. With the wisdom of age I know, of course, that it's not perfect, it's not what China wants, it's not the most thoughtful depiction of Chinese culture or the most faithful adaptation of Mulan's poem (... but I'd also dare bring up that the 2009 Chinese adaptation ISN'T all that faithful either...), but it has a kind of magic in it, a solid storytelling flow, so many memorable moments one after the next, that I could hardly choose which scenes to depict... Disney has never again seen the storytelling heights it reached with Mulan in 1998. I don't even care if that's a controversial opinion in any way... this is their best animated feature for me, and nobody can change my mind.
So... depicting Azula, my beloved, in all these scenarios as this character I adored and idolized as a child, was so damn fulfilling for me. While some might think that, personality-wise, these two ladies don't have much in common, the fact that Mulan is sent to a matchmaker who basically tells her she looks good but is going to be the worst wife ever...? Our girl Azula, with all those insecurities about being unloveable and a monster, probably would relate big time to that.
Mulan is also an INTELLIGENT soldier rather than a brawny one, which is how she starts to make progress in the army, it's how she manages to overcome the huns with that avalanche... and Azula's primary difference with most other antagonists in ATLA is that she's smart as fuck. She is very strong, no doubt, but a LOT of that strength comes from her intelligence, from assessing situations in unique ways, from planning and strategizing. The way Mulan finds the most unexpected solutions that still pay off reminds me a lot of how Azula achieves unexpected feats through rather unorthodox means, capable of taking over a city with basically no bloodshed while her nation has spent 100 years trying and failing to do so through major army incursions and who knows how much senseless violence. Obviously, I'm not saying what Azula did is GOOD and it's kind of dumb that we always have to point that out... I'm merely comparing the magnitude of the feats, and the fact that they both come from ladies who use strategy and intelligence to achieve their goals rather than muscle and physical power.
And while anyone would rage at me for the comparison between Fa Zhou (her dad) and Ozai, the truth is the dynamic between them CAN be compared, if loosely: Mulan literally goes to war to keep her father safe. Azula goes to war under her father's orders. Hell, she makes herself BAIT in the Eclipse to make sure the Gaang won't get to her dad?? While it's very much possible to say that both characters have different personalities and attitudes in life... I'd also bring up that their contexts are evidently completely different. I wouldn't say for certain that Azula, had she been raised outside a Royal Family, would be EXACTLY like Mulan... but they might have more similar traits than one might expect. Ultimately, though... I love them both. And this opportunity to swap their places was pretty much a dream come true!
Alright, that was plenty of rambling xD ultimately, I had a blast doing this commission, as I'm sure is obvious by now. So! If anyone wants to commission me, feel free to check out my prices right here and hit me up if you're interested!
#sokkla#sokka#azula#mulan au#xin long#zuko#aang#kino#the herbalist#momo#if you squint he's there okay he is just too damn complicated as a hybrid cricket-lemur alright#Xin Long is scale-less because he was too small and it was gonna look weird so for once he was a little less tricky :'D#I wish I could've had MORE epic scenes really this movie is a goddamn GEM#goldmine of glorious moments#it's just wonderful#I usually get sick of things as I work too much with them...#... Sokkla and Mulan are clearly a glorious exception to that rule#I wish I could've put in scenes with other correlating characters#Combustion Man was gonna be Shan-Yu#Chi-Fu was gonna be Long Feng#I can't remember who I had in mind for the emperor anymore#wasn't Kuei because he had to be old but welp#and yes it's too bad it's too sad there are not enough female characters here for the rest of the ATLA female cast...#but while I BRIEFLY considered making Toph one of the trio (Yao ofc)#the naked scene convinced me of the opposite quickly#... Toph would not succeed at convincing anyone that she was born a man she would straight up not even try#she'd just beat everyone up and scare them into shutting up#and while I'd LOVE to see that... it absolutely takes out the stakes from Azula being discovered as a woman pretending to be a man :'D#how tf would you kick one girl out while keeping the other one in the army#when the other one should be bold enough to stand on a rock in her birthday suit showing herself off in front of everyone
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As much as I adore the idea of Alan being like a dad to the Color Gang, I am absolutely feral for interpretations where that’s not really the case.
Or, more specifically, when those feelings are very one sided.
The CG look up to him and adore him as a parental/guardian figure, loving him almost like a father, especially Orange in particular who 110% sees and loves Alan as a father figure, while Alan himself sees himself more as a tolerant friendly landlord; just a dude who’s letting five stick figures live on his computer and not really interacting with them (except for Orange) very much beyond playing a few games for them or sparring with them. And even with Orange, it’s more of a friendship relationship than a parent-child one. Just generally pretty emotionally detached/distant towards them, not really feeling very strongly about any of them. Sort of how IRL Alan speaks about them as characters; fond, but not loving*. He still largely just sees them as stick figures. Like smart little living desktop pets.
Which makes all of the potential scenarios where they meet on more equal grounds (Stick!Alan AUs and IRL!Sticks/Human!Sticks AUs) potentially very juicy.
The CG and Orange in particular are always very excited to meet and actually interact with Alan, and Alan just feels overwhelmed and awkward by all the affection/attention. Or perhaps even confused about why they seem to like him so much.
Which can very quickly turn into a situation where the Gang notices that Alan doesn’t seem very comfortable around them, that he’s not nearly as excited and enthusiastic about finally being able to touch and hug them as they are with him. That he seemed to be kind of distant from them, withdrawing away from them. Oh, he’s friendly and polite, and he’ll talk to them, he’s not being mean or ignoring them or anything, but it’s not really like how they always imagined meeting him would be. It’s not as happy and joyous. He doesn’t interact/engage with them on his own. Doesn’t offer hugs or pats or much affection at all. He’ll do it if they initiate or ask, but he never gives anything of the sort freely.
Perhaps they think it’s because everything is so new and fresh, that maybe he’s feeling a bit overwhelmed. Maybe he just needs a little time to get used to them.
But when they give him that time…nothing seems to change. And they’re just left even more confused and concerned. Why was he acting like this? He was never like this before… (or so they think.)
Or perhaps a situation occurs where it’s revealed that Orange sees him like a father, or perhaps Orange even calls him his father, and Alan denies it. Corrects him. Tells Orange that he’s not his parental figure, that he always thought they were just friends. That all of them were just a bunch of sticks he was letting live on his computer. He wasn’t their dad, where in the world did they get THAT weird idea from? He was just Alan, the owner of the computer they made their home on. He barely even knew them.
And the Gang is both shocked and heartbroken. They hadn’t known Alan felt that way, just as Alan hadn’t been aware of how they felt. It was so easy for misunderstandings and misinterpretations to happen between them when they couldn’t really communicate very well.
But Orange, Orange is devastated. It hurts, so bad, because Alan literally created him. Alan was his creator, the closest thing to an actual parent he had. And yet Alan didn’t want to fill that role towards him, didn’t want to be his father. He could have seen and understood Alan not considering himself the others’ parent, since Alan hadn’t made them, but Orange was undeniably his.
But Alan didn’t want him like that. Didn’t see him like that.
He was just a stick figure who frequently helped him animate and lived on his computer. The fact that Alan made him appeared to be irrelevant.
So Orange puts on a smile and accepts it, apologizing for misunderstanding. But inside, he’s raw. The rejection feels so awful.
And it stings just how relieved Alan looked after his apology, like he was grateful that they weren’t arguing about it.
Because they don’t. What more was there to say? Alan had made his feelings on the matter very clear, and who were they to try argue against that? To challenge him, and demand he change his feelings towards them? To demand he love them? No, that’s not how things worked. That wasn’t how love worked.
You can’t try to force someone who doesn’t love you to love you.
Instead, Orange goes to his room, and sobs. It hurts so much. It feels like a chunk of his heart has been ripped out, leaving a giant empty gap where it had been. He can’t stop thinking about why Alan didn’t love him even though he made him. He can’t help but wonder if it’s because somehow he wasn’t good enough. Or if he’d done something wrong.
Or if it was because he was just a stick figure. Not human. Not a “real” person in Alan’s eyes.
He doesn’t know, but it hurts all the same.
The others, too, mourn the loss of the only parent-like figure they’ve ever known. They never knew their own creator, whoever the person who actually made them even was, they only ever knew Alan. It stings, how all of his weird recent behavior now makes sense. He hadn’t needed time. He had never loved them as much as they, apparently mistakenly, thought he did in the first place. It leaves them feeling empty and bereft, at a loss for what to do with themselves now.
And Alan is left totally oblivious to just how badly he’s just hurt them all.
And totally oblivious to what he himself has just lost, the potential for what could have been.
…At least, until he goes through some Character Development and inevitably has some Realizations that “Oh shit, those actually ARE my kids, oh fuck what have I done?!” And he needs to claw back the gangs’ love and affection and trust they’d since given up on.
* - [Or at least that’s how it always felt for me, watching AvG reactions, though that could just be because IRL Alan just sounds kinda bland and introverted in most of his commentary on his own animations lmao “I mean I like Orange.” Bro that is your main character that has been spearheading your entire career for a literal decade, why do you sound about as enthusiastic about him as if someone just asked you about your favorite weather type lmao jk jk]
#alan becker#ava#animator vs animation#ava alan becker#ava color gang#headcanons#This headcanon is accentuated by the fact that I see Character!Alan as single and childless#Dude goes from a loner Animator to single dad of five and doesn't realize it for years#I love when characters are dragged kicking and screaming into Dadhood#Side note: If Chosen discovered Alan rejected Orange he would be VERY pissed off at Alan#Chosen doesn't much care that Alan doesn't care for him as a child since he's long since accepted the lack of care from his creator#But Orange? ORANGE? Chosen will not stand for Alan hurting Orange; in ANY way#Alan's face would very quickly become intimately acquainted with Chosen's fist#Also Side Note: A secret reason why Dark hates Alan so much is that he's still really bitter that Alan never loved him.#And he still secretly yearns for his affection and acceptance but hates himself for it. Sees it as childish weak feelings#Headcanon that the Hollow-Heads mockingly sling the title of “Creator” at Alan to hurt him; to forcefully remind him that he made them#Green Yellow Red and Blue are just happy to be there tbh#The FSF: This is our adopted dad! We love him very much :) Alan: UHHHHH???
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Gifted Drabble - NewAgeAU - Life Finds a Way
Pppst @spotaus you ready? :3
For those people who noticed. Spotaus and I have been talking some lore. And I wanted to write a little thing about it! (also i am noticing that all my gifted drabbles to Spotaus about this AU is about Ccino? woops? I will probably eventually do other charactes hahah)
For now? I hope you like this Spotaus :D No beta or edits :D
Warnings: Child abuse, mentally and emotionally. implied harrassment but nothing actually happens. Forced child labor. Very unhealthy eating habits and forced dangerous dieting. fat-shaming. suicidal thoughts (not a lot and not too specific but it is there). Gaslighting and manipulation. (reminder for everyone. Ccino is SEVEN in this.)
Please let me know if you spot anything else i need to warn people about okay? But i think i got it all.
*--------------------------------------*
Sera turns to him and looks unimpressed "well? Hold the three trays."
Ccino looks nervously at the very large plates filled with cups. All wooden now but they are heavy. Ccino carefully picks one up and can't quite balance it in one hand. Much less hold it with one arm. The plate wiht cups falls to the ground wiht a loud clatter and he flinches at the sound.
Sera sighs loudly as she shakes her head "another disappointment. I keep telling you you only have this week to learn. yet you seem set on not learning at all!" she snaps.
Ccino looks down and mutters "I... i am trying... i am sorry. i just..." he is still so sad... he has been here a week now and just wants to roll up a cry. but everyone keeps telling him he only has a week to practise and then he needs to work with everyone else.
He still doesn't understand the castle and where everything is. Much less every servant pathway.
The rules are confusing and sometime she doens't quite understand the accents people use or the words they say.
Sera glares and raises her hand. Ccino pulls his head back and closes his sockets.
Nothing happens. He sneaks a look and sees Nim staring Sera down.
Sera falls to her knees and bows deeply "My king. I apologise. The child is stupid and can't learn."
Nim just sighs as she rubs her forehead "I thought i was clear. He has a purpose. For this purpose he is required to learn and not have marks." she looks at Sera before turning her attention to him and the mess on the ground.
Ccino looks down himself as he feels the tears return. Anytime he sees her all he can think about is the fire. all he can think about is his parents trying to reach him. the locked door. the fire. the screams. he had been able to smell it in the carriage and-
"I see you still make messes." the disapointment is so obvious.
Ccino tugs on the shirt he had been gifted. His clothes that his parents had given him had been taken as soon as he got there. After his forced bath. something about cleaning off the dirt from his old life. the grey uniform had been left instead.
Though Ccino can't help but notice that his clothes are slightly different from other servants. There are tiny motives of apples and branches around the edges and seams. tiny details. Ccino figured it was because of his status as trainee but... well.. why special outfits when he only is suposed to train for a week? why make all his stuff have those?
Nim sighs loudly and Ccino pushes the tears away as he holds his shirt tighter.
"I will remind you. I expect perfection. I don't have use for unworthy people." some movement "And i expect you to train him well. There is a lot counting on this.".
a moment of silence and the king is gone.
Sera gets off the ground and glares at him. Ccino shivers as he waits. Sera huffs "pick up the tray and the cups. set it up again and get it ready. You failing will also look poorly on me. Get. To. Work."
Ccino nods and kneels down to get the tray and start moving one heavy cup at the time back on top of it.
until he ends with three filled trays again. And he tries to carry all three of them. again.
It drops a few more times but he ends up managing to balance one on his arm. Even if it is really heavy and his arm starts to ache.
Sera nods "Good. Now hold the other two trays with both your hands."
Ccino stares at her. is... is she serious? how... how is he suposed to? That is so heavy! His arm is already shaking. Sera just stares at him and looks at the trays "Well?! You udnerstand that right?!"
Ccino nods and slowly takes one of the trays. it woobles as he transfers it to his arm already carrying the tray. it is so heavy.... he manages to grab the third one and has to concentrate on not dropping anything or letting it fall over.
Sera sighs "finally managed to get you to do this stupid trick. it isn't even that hard. Now. Walk to the other side of the room and put all three down on the other table. No. Dropping."
Ccino glances over. it is so far... He takes a shaking step and all the trays start to tilt and he has to stop and correct them all. He looks unsure at Sera but she just points at the table and taps her foot.
He misses his mom. His mom would hug him and tell him it was okay when he dropped something. that they would clean it up together and next time ccino had to test before trying to lift something.
He takes a few steps and has to stop again. the trays barely don't fall and his arms hurt. The trays are just so heavy. Sera lets out another annoyed sigh and Ccino takes another few steps.
It takes long but he manages to make it to the other side. he puts the trays down and looks back.
Sera sighs as she shakes his head "You are much too slow and clumsy. you will never make it anywhere fast enough even if you use the tunnels. this is such a waste of time and you are clearly not the right pick. But. the king thinks you are the right pick! So we will just have to waste a lot of time on you." she glances at him and looks annoyed "and stop your annoying crying. you are acting like a child! You are gettnig the honour of working under the greatest king to have ever lived and work towards a glorious future! And you are thankless!"
Ccino sobs and rubs his sockets. his arms ache. he is so tired. he just wants to be home and hug his dad. his dad always makes the hurt and scared feelings go away. his dad's hugs were magical like that. his dad would always tell him the magic behind his hugs was love and so they worked best for ccino and ccino's mom because dad loved them both so much. Ccino wants him back.
Sera sighs "okay. once again. How do you get from the kitchen to the warroom?"
Ccino stares at the ground and mutters "i.. euh... i would."
Sera groans "speak up! If someone asks you to speak you speak up and proudly. No stammering. We have more important things to do than wait for you to figure out how to say a basic sentence."
Ccino flinches and nods as he tugs on his shirt. "To... get to teh warroom... f-from the kitchen.. you need to exit and go by the servant rooms. then past the storage. you get to the hall... then go up and up. then the..." was it east or west?! "west wing... then up again. and there should be a... red door. there is the warroom..." right?
Sera sighs loudly "we don't call it the servant rooms. we call it the servant quarters. Aside from that we don't call it going up and up. We call it going to the second floor." she shakes her head.
Ccino looks down and feels frustrated. but he was right! The directions were right! What does it matter what he calls things. some words are hard to say and he never used them before! it is just to know his way around right? why does it matter what he calls things in his head?
Sera walks towards the door "come. we will go to the kitchen so you can practise cooking again." she looks abck annoyed "and don't burn yourself again. YOu are suposed to be markless. perfect. act like it." and she leaves.
Ccino follows after the other. He wishes he was in bed and could just sleep.
they get to the kitchen and Sera looks at him "We will try an easy recipe because you are just useless. Start with a fritatta. Even you should be able to make that." and she waits.
Ccino stares at her. what is a fritatta? He glances around but there are no ingredients out already and there is no paper with the recipe on it. what... what?
Sera looks annoyed "it was in the book you were given to study at night."
Ccino looks down. When he got here and dropped off in his room after the forced bath there were a bunch of books. like ten and tehy were thick. all about manners and chores and how to act and who was who. He... he thinks there may have been a cooking book somewhere in there?
Ccino speaks up "i can... get it?" maybe then he can cook this weird fritatta thing?
Sera sighs loudly "and be fast."
Ccino rushes out of the kitchen and back to the servant quarters before running past the door leading there. He still isn't sure why he has a private room but at least this way people don't hear him cry at night. He gets there and searches between the books. eventually finding an old book and-
Why... why can't he read this?! It is all another language?! He opens it and looks for anything he can read but it is all just... weird! how... how can he? how is he suposed to read this?!
He still picks up the book and brings it to the kitchen. Sera looks at him expectingly "Well?"
Ccino looks down "i can't read this..."
Sera sighs loudly "Of course you can't do soemthign as basic as reading. you are an uncultered idiot. Honestly what did you do before? just play in the mud?"
Ccino feels close to tears as he remembers helpign his mother in the store with counting out change and helping refilling shelves. Helping her do the dishes as she teaches him how to make bread and deserts. "i can read... i just can't read this... this language..."
Sera frowns "You don't know french?! how can you be seven already and not even know french as well?! honestly the education is going downwards so quickly." she sighs and shakes her head "i supose i will just have to assist you again and get you a translated version. very well. For the meal you are about to make you will need the following. and pay attention because i don't like repeating myself."
Ccino rushes over as he tries to get the ingredients as quickly as possible. He just hopes he doesn't burn himself on the pan this time.
----
Ccino pants as he leans against the wall. He thought the first week was hard. It was much harder now. He kept getting orders that he needed to complete. bringing things around. helping making things. serving things to people.
It is all so hard and everyone just stares at him disappointed all the time. He wants to cry.
but crying isn't allowed. they were clear on that. if he cries he will just be locked in a dark room.
Something about them not being allowed to punish him the normal way. so they have to be creative. He doesn't like the dark closet. It is dark and always cold and he is so alone. No one talks to him when he is in there. he doens't hear anyone when he is in there.
He doens't even know what he does to get locked up in there. They never say what he does wrong. They just say he deserved it... is... is he a bad kid? is he being bad? mom and dad always siad he was good and they loved him... how come he is suddenly bad? he is trying. he is really trying!
He just wants to sleep and cry. but he is still in his shift and needs to work...
He gets to the kitchen as his arms ache. the cook looks up and waits. Ccino finds his voice and manages to not make it clear he is close to crying again "i delivered the food."
the cook, he never introduced himself, huffs "you better not have messed up my presentation again!" and he turns abck to the stove.
Ccino nods nad walks over to the chores board. it is magical... probably. ccino doesn't know how it works. just knows it shows what he needs to do. soemthing about the ehad of the house deciding who does what and when. He looks for his name at the very bottom and stares in shock. There is a demand for him to go to the throne room!! For a long time now!! Why did no one tell him?!
He rushes out of the kitchen and dives into the hallway to the servant quarters. he stops between the doors to the washing chambers and the dressing room and opens a panel to show a pathway. it is one of the many servant corridors that linger the castle. it makes it easier to get to places quickly. this one should lead towards the big entrance near the throne room.
He runs down the path. jumping over spare uniforms and discarded items and tools as he rushes.
He checks to make sure no one is watching before fully exiting. he rushes to the throne room and takes the servant entrance to it.
No one is there. Aside from Nim on her throne. She is drinking out of a fancy wine glass with wine that is probably more expensive than anything Ccino used to own put together. He glances around but sees no one else... euh....
Ccino doesn't remember a specific message about why he needed to be there. just that he needed to go there...
Ccino walks into the area and bows deeply "my king." even the title leaves a bad taste in his mouth. He hates the king. he HATES her with every spec of his being. but he can't do anything.
Nim hums as she looksup from the wine "you are slow. but you are a child and only have short legs. I expect you to get better with time. If i don't see improvements I will have to look for your replacement."
Ccino nods before answering "of course my king." please let him leave. please let that have been it. please-
Nim stnads up "but. I called you here for a reason. Follow me." and she turns before walking towards the exit.
Ccino wants to cry. he doesn't want to be near her! He doesn't want to follow her!
He follows her.
People stop and bow at Nim before shooting him glances. As they walk past Ccino can hear them start muttering things. something about it becomign official.
What... what is becomign official?
Nim leads him towards a whole otehr wing and up a set off stairs. very deep into the castle. Ccino hasn't been here before. just saw the pathways on the map he was given when he first got here two months ago. one he was told to memorise.
They stop by a door and Nim opens the door.
It is a child's room?
Nim walks over and Ccino sees two cribs. One with a very detailed moon and one with a very detailed sun. There are healers in the room who are keeping a close eye on the two babies and some maids filter about. nurse maids?
Nim walks over to the crib with the sun and picks up one of the babies- that is a skeleton. a baby skeleton?
Nim waves him over nad Ccino follows the wordless comment.
Nim starts to speak "This. Is Dream. He is my heir and will become your king in thirdteen years." she kisses his little skull before pointing towards the other crib "That. is Nightmare. He will be Dream's...." she smirks "He will help Dream rise to his rightful position of king."
Ccino looks at the two babies before back at Nim. Not sure what she wants from him.
Nim doens't take issue with him being quiet as she just keeps talking "your purpose and main job. is to do whatever it takes to get both of them to the right age of thirdteen. Their schooling and training will be arranged by others. But you will be their main caretaker. You will feed them. bath them. Make sure they are rested. You will be there for whatever they need." she looks at him. "understood?"
Ccino isn't sure how good he is at taking care of babies?! It does explain the child book that was in the pile. He nods and bows "of course my king."
Nim nods and turns back to look... almost lovingl at Dream "When they time comes. when Dream becomes king. You will be his."
Ccino freezes. What?
Nim continues to speak "You will do whatever he wishes. YOu will be his first mate and by whatever he wants."
Ccino feels his throat locks up before he wheezes out "But! He will be thirdteen my king! I would be twenty!" that is weird. that is gross. and is disgusting?!
Nim chuckles and looks amused "There will be ritual. Which will make it able for dream to go from a weak child to who he was always meant to be. a powerful being rivalling the very gods." she kisses the little skull of the sleeping baby. She grins at him "I myself went from age fourteen to twenty four in one moment. body, mind and soul all immediantly to that stage. Not a single lingering emotion of feeling from childhood. The ability to leave childhood behind with just one single ritual. It is wonderful."
Ccino disagrees. He doesn't want to marry Dream?! Dream is a baby? One he is suposed to raise? It would be weird! It would be like him marrying his old babysitter? and she was nice but she was also really different?
Nim puts Dream back in the crib "You will be allowed entrance and the maids will continue to feed both the twins. Your focus will be on Dream. Dream needs the most attention and care. But make sure Nightmare is healthy." she leaves him frozen in place "You are dismissed."
Ccino stands there as he watcehs the healers and nurse maids go about their work. After they finish they leave the twins in their cribs and leave.
Ccino shakes as he looks at the two children. the two baby skeletons. One, nightmare, yawns and opens the sockets. He looks at him curiously before babbling and holding out a tiny hand to him. him being awake seems to wake Dream as well as the other twin does the exact same thing as Nightmare.
Twins.
Ccino holds out both his hands and lets the two tiny babies hold his fingers. watching the two babble and tug on his hands happily as he feels his world falling apart even further.
----
One of the few things he kinda likes here is the food. It is always delicious and rich of everything.
Even the servants eat well!
Ccino sits in his seat as food is served.
One of the few things he kinda likes is having dinner with the other servants. Sure they all shoot him looks and mutter about favouritism but at these moments no one really seems to care!
They hand out food. talk about some light gossip. Talk about which nobelman or woman and shooting them considering looks.
Ccino likes it. it almost feels less like a prison like this. And he feels abit more connected with the others.
His private room is nice but well... it shows how much he is singled out. How he has a different main job than the other people. How from the start his job was different.
Everyone knows it.
It is what the apples stand for apparently.
That you are owned by the king. or future king in his case.
He heard some coucil people talk about how much of a shame it was that he was offlimits.
Which Ccino really doens't want to think about.
But! the food!
He feels his magic yearn for the deliciousness. It looks like some slowly cooked meat with a lot of potatoes and vegetables!
Oh it is going to be so good and he will sleep well tonight!
A plate is set down before him and he grabs his fork and knife. Waiting until everyone is served and-
His plates gets taken away!?
He looks around with a glare but it melts away as he spots Nim! He looks down immediantly "my king?"
Everyone is quiet and waits.
Nim looks at the meal with a huff before pulling him upright. Ccino stands before the king and waits.
Nim huffs and she pokes his stomach "You really going to eat even more? When you already have fat building?"
Ccino is confused. Skeletons don't get fat? It is just how magic is stored? Ccino knows he has the same way of magical storage as his mom has... had. She was short and a bit wider than most monsters. But his dad always said she was the most beautiful monster so obviously she was? and dad always said he knew that ccino would be like her and ccino had been excited? because he would be pretty like his mom?
Nim shakes her head "a glutton. That is a habit we will need to cut off right away."
Ccino looks unsure at the plate that she just. throws out. wait?! But his dinner?!
Nim nods to herself as she looks at him "Your eating habits will be monitored. You are still growing and so it is most important you have the correct diet." And she leaves.
What... what just happened? where is his dinner... He looks confused at the others but no one is looking at him. They eat as if there is nothing strange going on and his dinner wasn't just thrown away.
He moves to get a bit of the leftovers. They are always allowed to grab those. But as he moves to get a few of the leftover potatoes a hand pulls him away from the food.
Ccino looks confused up at Sera "but... I didn't get food? I didn't get dinner?"
Sera looks unamused "Oh you can't be that much of an idiot. The king wants you thin. thin and pretty. Not fat and ugly. So you are going on a very special diet. You will know what you are allowed to eat." she points to the door.
Ccino looks wishfully at the wodnerful meal before hanging his skull and moving out of the room. He walks back to his own room and opens the door.
Hope blossoms as he sees a plate and he rushes over. Only for his smile to fall.
It is... some cauliflower, zuccini and eggs.
It isn't bad? It is okay he thinks? He takes his seat and eats his food. It fills okay but he still feels like it was a small portion... But... they seem convinced this is right for him... had he really just been eating a lot? Had he really been a glutton as Nim said he was.
Still he doens't feel that full but it has been a long day and he really jsut wants to sleep.
He lays the plate to the side to clean up before breakfast and gets ready for bed. He lays in his bed and closes his sockets. He will need to be up at 5 am again. Eat his breakfast and check the twins to help build a bond... then he has chores and rushing from place to place again and more time with the twins...
He... He isn't sure what to do... he isn't sure if he can do this... He just wants to go back home...
He wishes he had been with his parents inside the house.
----
He is tired.
He just wants to sleep.
It has been half a year now.
He doens't feel any less sad.
He is so hungry.
Ccino is only allowed one meal a day. in the morning. nothing else aside from water.
It always feels too small and ccino is convinced the portions are getting smaller. Is that really all he needs? It doesn't feel like enough... but aparently he doens't know.
Everyone tells him he doesn't know anything. That he is dumb.
Maybe they are right.
He just wants to cry.
He doesn't want to go back to his room. nobelmen have been hanging around the servants area and they always look at him in ways that make Ccino feel gross.
But he can't just sit here. He is near the warroom. Hiding. People don't usually come here unless they have to get to this room.
Ccino already spend his morning with the twins. He figures he should ahte them but they always look happy to see him and babble and they let him hug them.
He hasn't had a hug since he was taken.
He needs those hugs. Even if the twins don't know how much it means for him.
Ccino sighs as he remains in his little corner. at the moment not caring his shirt will most likely get dirty and messy by doing this. He just doesn't want to be anywhere near the visiting nobelmen and those hands that reach and touch.
He just wants to be left alone. He used to hate being alone but now being alone is better than having others near. Everyone is always mean.
Even if he is fat and stupid he doesn't want others to be mean. He is trying his best. he really is. He knows he isn't enough. He knows he needs to do better. but it is hard! He is trying to learn. He just.
He sniffs.
ccino rubs his sockets nad mutters "no... don't cry... they will hear you and be mad..."
He feels sick. he feels tired. he hasn't felt his magic in a while and he can't even see in the dark anymore. something that every skeleton should be able to do with magic. but he can't.
Again shows he is just not good enough.
a movement in the corner of his sight and he freezes. He sneaks a look and stares.
a... cat?
what is c at doing inside?
A beautiful big cat... one of those very wild cats that his dad used to talk about.. maine coons? Didn't those cats also hunt like... foxes or soemthing?
The cat turns the corner and Ccino rushes after it before speaking in a whisper "oh no kitty... you can't be inside..." Nim had once called all cats vernim and disgusting. something about cats not listening or something. Ccino needs to get the poor cat outside!
He turns the corner and looks around before seeing the cat near an armour set up as decoration.
Ccino inches closer and whispers "No please be careful. those things tend to fall over..." he had been locked in the dark room for hours on end when he knocked one over an accident "lets get you outside okay?" he sniffs as he tries to remove some of his last tears.
The cat looks.. weird? almost shining and... wait... the tail doesn't look like a normal tial but more like... it has tiny branches? huh?
The cat disappears from sight and Ccino gets to the armour. He grins as he looks around it but it falls as he can't see the cat. He looks around and spots that one of the tiles on the wall seems out of place.
Huh... he never noticed that before... He nudges the tile and a part of the wall opens.
It is a crawl space and he barely fits. Maybe the cat went in here?
He mutters softly "here kitty kitty. it is okay... i won't hurt you... i am just trying to get you outside so you aren't hurt by any of the guards." he can't see anything in here but... well.. it is warm and it seems clean.
The door had closed and while inside he can hear others move about their day in the castle.
It is like one of the servant tunnels but not as crowded as the others... Not to forget it isn't filled with dust and dirt and instead very clean and warm. No draft or anything.
Ccino yawns as he rolls up in the tunnel. He had been wanting to sleep after all... maybe a quick nap... that is all.
Something wakes him and Ccino looks around confused.
Is he in the dark room? but it doesn't feel the same... it feels cozy and warm. Like when he would wake up in a tiny blanket fort in the middle of the night.
More sounds and movement of armour and Ccino frowns. armour? moving? guards? was there something about-
The guarding ceremony!! That was in the afternoon and he was suposed to be there! Oh no that is all the way in the hall and it is a nightmare to get there!
He qucikly crawls forwards. Maybe if he gets out he can take another servant path down towards the kitchen and rush to the hall? that is probably the fastest way and- AH!
He suddenly slides down as the tunnel dips. He ends up sliding to a stop right before anotehr tiny door. He pusehs it aside nad steps out from... under the stairs in the main hall?
Huh?
The door slides shut behind him and Ccino looks back confused. How did that tunnel lead... the way he had entered hadn't even pointed in the right direction right? but the tunnel didn't curve like that and-
"Ccino!" a loud hiss.
Ccino looks over and sees someone else motion their head for him to join them. It is Robin!! They are awesome! Ccino rushes to their side and Robin quickly pats him down from any dirt before standing at attention again and handing him a plate for himself.
Ccino stands ready and waits. watching as more guards move into the hall.
He had been on time? somehow?
The guard ceremony goes on as some guards are officially made part of the team to guard the castle. Nim is there in person but just stare at them. With a wave she leaves while the guards all mutter about it being a big honour.
Ccino rushes to join the other servants in bringing around food and snacks for them to eat.
His magic and nonexisting stomach knot together at the sight of food but he ignores it. He is used to these feelings by now.
By the time they get to the end he makes a quick escape to check on the twins again. He notices that they both seem to be bored and spends some extra time playing and hugging them.
Nightmare and Dream both lean against him and babble about their days. probably. Ccino has no idea he doesn't speak baby.
Ccino grins "really? and what did you do then?"
Dream is smiling happily as he throws out his tiny arms and babbles loudly.
Ccino nods "oh so true! You are so right for having done that. And what did your teddy bear do then?"
Dream wiggles from side to side and babbles and blows a raspberry.
Ccino gasps "Oh no he did not."
Dream coos and manages to stick his own foot in his mouth.
Ccino nods and hums "so true buddy. so true." he looks at Nightmare "What did you do little nighty? You stopped any traitorous teddy bear?"
As soon as Ccino speaks to Nightmare he coos and snuggles clsoer. Ccino grins and nuzzles the tiny skull "I see. You had a very busy day. I can only imagine."
He makes sure both the twins drink some of their bottles nad helps them burp gently. After which he puts them both in their cribs and tugs them in "there. all snuggly and ready for bed. You two be good okay?"
the babies are both already asleep.
Ccino hums a happy tune as he leaves the room.
He feels... good? Who knew a good nap would work so well!
He gets back to the servants area and checks his to do list. All clean! which means he can go back to his room and maybe study some of the books he got. try to memorise more and-
Robin stops him "where did you come from in the hall?"
Ccino frowns "one of the pathways? there was one that lead from near the warroom to there?"
Robin frowns "You mean the one that leads the to servants area? You wouldn't have exited in the hall. the hall only has two and none of them are near the stairs?"
huh... but he...
ccino frowns "I... I thought that..." he looks down. He had been so sure? sure it had felt weird but he was sure that was the pathway he took.
Robin's own frown lifts as they smile "hey. No worries. You are stressed and honestly they put way too much pressure on you... Even I can see that and I have only been here a few weeks now!" They grin "Get some rest..." they frown at him "You seem like you need it..." they walk away as they mutter to themselves about him looking pale.
Ccino frowns as he goes back to his room. He lays in his bed and thinks.
No he is SURE he got into that crawlspace... and it lead to the hall. He is very sure about that...
Robin is new... maybe they just haven't discovered all the paths yet?
Ccino lays in bed before having enough. He leaves it and sneaks around the castle. he knows he shouldn't be out this late but he needs to check.
He gets to the hall and goes straight to the stairs. It looks like a normal wall.
He searches for the usual marks that indicate a servant passage but doesn't find any... huh... weird but he... he came from here...
He sighs as he leans against the wall and yelps as it gives way immediantly. laying half in and hald out of the crawl space.
...
Why does he get the feeling he just found something he wasn't suposed to find?
----
After his first secret passageway he spend a lot of time trying other random walls in his free time. He was nearing his one year aniversary but he has found many at this point.
He has paths that lead anywhere he wants to be. Even the stables!
Which. very much impossible seeing as those are a seperate building.
Sure the tunnel he found goes down adn then up a bit before he exits into the storage area of the stables but that still seems like a stretch.
Who makes a secret tunnel underground to lead to the stables from near the library?
The point is. Ccino has a cheat sheet!
It means he can get anywhere impossibly fast with a smile on his face.
Which some found weird but mostly people just sighed and muttered about him finally being able to do the work he is suposed to. Nim looked satisfied and spoke about Nim having picked the right one after all.
Ccino even has one that seems to go up inside a pillar as he can just climb up vertically to get from the groundfloor all the way to the west wing fifth floor!!
That normally is a nightmare to get to within fifteen!
Ccino does have to remind himself to be careful.
Seeing as one time he tripped and almost fell inside one of those vertical tunnels.
Only for his hand to just happen upon something to grab on.
Ccino had just hang there. By a tiny stone ledge that seemed like a root. One he had been so sure hadn't been there before. BEcause he checks those tunnels to make sure he knows how to move.
So he sat there. in the dark. Having been saved from a nasty fall by.... by something.
Ccino had put his hands together in a prayer and whispered "to the one watching. to the one who helps. I thank you. I have nothign to gift but wish you well. For you are bringing a light to the darkness of my life. Thank you." and he had bowed. and stayed bowed for a minute.
He didn't have anyhting to offer as tribute. Fearing it would lead to mice or rats and that Nim would notice. But he could mutter small prayers.
Nothing official. He had no idea how one prayed to a god. The only reason he knew that that is what people do is because Nim demanded them all to pray to her before they ate. because she was their god.
Each time before his own dinner in the forced privacy of his own room he would pray for whatever power was helping him instead. Thank you.
Thank you for seeing he needed help and being willing to gift it.
Ccino knows it is something. Because the next time he used that tunnel more root like stones had appeared that mimicked railings for him to grab. these had also appeared in the other vertical climbing tunnels.
There was something magical in this castle.
And Ccino is very sure... it isn't conencted to Nim.
#utmv#NewAgeAU#Gifted Drabble#Ccino sans#I need to start being nice to this boy.#I jsut keep throwing trauma at him.#and everything sticks :(#This also get a lot longer and sadder than i expected VERY quickly.#but here we are!#Ccino has discovered something very special about the castle.#and no one seems to bother to ask him what it is exactly.#After all... he is just a dumb clumsy child. why listen to what he knows?#don't worry.#as soon as nightmare takes control Ccino's life get IMPOSSIBLY better.#But it is a LONG and very heavy journey to get there for him.#but he makes it!#and with a lot of time... will heal#he will get to eat normally againa nd grow to be a healthy weight again <3#without the dangers of being forced to be skinny >:(#Also yeah!! Ccino met the twins when his magic was still healthy.#whih is why later. when he starts to heal and it finally slowly returns. Nightmare regocnises it#because that is the magic that ccino had with him when ccino held and played with him when nightmare was just a baby#important side note
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I get the impression that I’ve become such a movie guy lately (160 movies logged this year…. 🚬) because I tend to have a harder time discovering and collating good books for my tbr. letterboxd offers many interesting lists and the ratings generally tend to correlate with the objective merit of a movie so I think I also find movies pertaining to specific genres and themes very easily? anyway how do all of you discover good books ❤️
#looooove looking at my mutuals post their 2025 tbrs. it just made me think about why I don’t have a very extensive tbr list and how#frustrated I’ve been lately about my difficulty w/ discovering good books - non-fiction in particular.#I’m also constantly afraid about committing to non fiction because I can quickly opt out of reading an article I find online if I disagree#with it. If I disagree with a book I’d have still learnt something but I’d feel like I’d wasted the time I invested in it.#text
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For @fordtato's hilarious smash or pass Bill Cipher contest. Enjoy a quick sketch
#gravity falls#tinglecannon art#bill cipher#im sure people did this exact same idea in higher quality but i think the messy-quickly-drawn-with-a-ballpoint-pen look adds to the humor#i only just discovered this now & its 1am my time w less than 3hr to the deadline but i was Inspired#this was fun I've been looking for motivation to draw & doodle again thanks op
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the obvious double standard with which we as a society treat amab nonbinary people and trans women who don't fit the level of feminity that they're expected to is actually disgusting.
#I see it every day in the way my gm (and closest friend at work) is constantly misgendered without anyone apologizing#but everyone uses the correct pronouns for me and quickly corrects themselves if they mess up.#I see it in the way my nonbinary dad#couldn't be friends with women in our old homeschool group#without rumors being constantly spread that they were just trying to get in the women's pants.#I see it in the way my mom was disgusted and disturbed by discovering my dad's early forays into crossdressing#but is proud of me for being my authentic self.#I see it in the way my dad is still scared to wear a skirt despite frequently expressing a desire to#for fear of being seen as “an ugly man in a dress".#I see it in the way my theatre director is constantly called they or he despite clearly having she/her pronouns on her email.#I see it in the way my mom refuses to use the correct pronouns for my dad even though they are out to her#and constantly “forgets” my gm's pronouns even though I've used they/them for them for months.#deep down I know if I was born with a penis my mom would think of my transness much differently.#when “women” embrace masculinity they are seen as empowered at best and at worst as victims of the patriarchy.#confused little girls who don't know any better.#when “men” embrace feminity they are seen as predators. traps. manipulative freaks.#I see it every day. It's so deeply ingrained in our society it seems like there's no escaping it.
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i need to share this here... albus adopting tom fic and its happy at first but fucks you over along the way
#it ticks EVERYTHING i wanted to read the minute i read the orphanage ch in hbp lmfao#the beginning was so nice and feel good that i started getting scared midway cuz the tags seemed like it was serious#but i moved past it way too quickly to rmb#rambles#edit: i now discovered that author is still interested in updating it someday#i will patiently wait idm if this takes years#never have i seen such good and slow depiction of abuse#in such a humanizing manner too#like even w the damage albus did u Still understand his reasons#hes not just being comically evil
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the internet: yeah to practise harm reduction you go for areas that have more flesh to avoid going too deep and needing medical attention
me, an idiot: let's pick this spot anyway, how bad can it be. ...how did i get that deep that quickly
#tw sh#im fine although there was definitely a moment where i worried i wouldn't be#when you grab a rag and put pressure on it and a few minutes later move your hand and discover it was completely soaked and your hand#is all bloody now too. anyway it stopped shortly after that#someone told me recently that the width they'll start considering sutures is like 5mm which seems??? so odd to me??? like that's tiny??#anyway i didn't go as deep as the last two times yet so it's fine#(i also have a horrible habit of repeatedly going over the same place for several days afterwards so that will probably change)#but eh im fine#i was just surprised by how deep it got how quickly#also something i find funny: the way nurse brain doesn't shut off#'will i pick here - no wait that's near an artery/vein/nerve'#'or here - no wait that's too close to a good cannulation site'#'here - no too close to deltoid'#personal#puddleglum hours#but yeah i really am fine#although i have thoroughly discovered the allure of arm cutting so. we'll see#in my usual scintillating cleverness i literally thought about visibility this time bc it's nearly short sleeve weather and nobody knows im#going this deep. except my mentor and my sister. but they both only know about the first time#however i did not consider. that most of my clothing does not have as long a short sleeve as my placement uniform. so im gonna either#have to be real careful about what clothing i pick for the next. oh month or two. since the first one was end of august and it's a month an#a bit later and it's still got a while of healing to go before i can wear short sleevs and pretend the scar was from months an months ago i#asked. anyway!#play stupid games you win stupid prizes
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No, tell us about the dorm parties and Lily finding out about them, pretty please
ooooh a tag question! love these too hehe
okay so. a lil bit of backstory: i had a semi-wild teen life, ykno? like. not as crazy as ~american high school movies but in the context of the country i grew up in? pretty unreal. there were parties and alcohol and weed and a lot of hooking up. so much petty drama. so much irreverence.
point is: i dont like it when teens are portrayed as some pure, untouched, prudish creatures who've never heard of fun or drugs or sex. it just doesnt fit with what i know.
and i fully believe that hogwarts--a boarding school where kids have MAGIC (which really just means unending possibilites)--was a place where the students went wilddd. one of the ways? dorm parties. u have these private spaces for just you and like. 5 others. u can do a shit ton with ur wand. why wouldnt u use it for parties ykno?
so yeah, i think the common room had larger parties after like. quidditch wins and end of exams, but bc its more people and more younger kids, u had to be more careful. dorm parties tho? smaller, more intimate, and ur with the people u know/trust so crazier shit will happen.
the marauders were invited to a lot of them in the girls dorms (and vice versa) and ykno. they went to a lot. bc teen boys and girls. it was all very scandalous--booze and short skirts and shirts unbuttoned off their shoulders and hazy smoke filling the room and lipstick marks smeared over chins and necks and the like--and incredibly fun. just kids being kids, yeah?
lily, though. i've long been playing w the idea that her friendship w snape (and chastisement of james--and sirius, to a lesser extent) came w a substantial social cost. her defending someone who was so shady didnt win her any points and i hc as her a person who hid her insecurity w self righteousness (on top of just. being a bit of an abrasive person) which didn't win her additional favors. so even her dormmates maintained a certain distance and the dorm parties didn't often include her. she only found out accidentally when she went up to the room it was happening in to get a book back and saw everyone buzzed out and dancing and more relaxed (intimate) than she'd ever seen.
it was genuinely a huge shock when she saw the boys sprawled across the room in varying stages of undress (james had a girl and a guy on a thigh each, arms wrapped around both waists; sirius was hanging upside down w a joint dangling from his lips and its a wonder he didnt choke himself to death) and she squeaked out of the room in a moment of severe cultural shock.
it was only later that she worked herself into moral outrage and just. hurt-filled anger type stuff, ykno? her roommates sort of had to give her a reality check in that moment. the marauders only blinked at her in bemusement, amused at her high-handed attempts to manage them.
#lily evans#friend i'd apologise for the word vomit but...#hc that u can fly a broom up the girls stairs#its a classic and surprisingly unthought of move#and the maraduers quickly discovered it during a nighttime experiment#in fact. id argue that them sharing this knowledge (bc its not meant to be hoarded and on promise of not leaking to authorities) that#made them half as popular as they were#people were in awe#and wouldnt stop thanking them#many couples formed on the spot for the express purpose of breaking this exciting rule#anyway#okay but like#why do i wanna write this conversation b/w lily and her roommates now#bruh why do i always do this to myself#make up some ridiculous AU/HC situation in my asks/tags#and then i wanna bring it to life#but i can picture it so vividly#lily just spluttering- but but BUT#and her roomates are like. no. u dont get to pull away from us and look down ur nose at us and then disciple us at the same time#yum yum yum#this lily evans is also. i can admit. my pushback against her deification which will never not rub me wrong#but once again. another rant for another day#i just realised what a novel length response this became lol#but i hope u like it anon!#pen’s asks#pen’s notes
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i was looking up tips for formatting bilingual books (for example, a copy of idk the iliad with ancient greek on one side, english translation on the other), but i didn’t know the word describing this kind of format 🤔
so i was stringing together keywords like “book with two languages” and one of the results was a reddit post with someone trying to find a book that alternates between multiple languages, i.e., there are no translations, it’s it’s one text, but half of the story is in english, then the other half, or interwoven throughout, is in french or whatever
and it took strength to not suggest the hussite trilogy 🥴
#the elbow-high diaries#i need to read it a second time for the more bg characters and the politics. and i need to read it a third time for the dante.#and im chewing away at manuscript discovered in a dragon’s cave rn and#im kind of torn between trying to read it quickly (learn the content) and trying to dissect sentences and spelling (learn some vocabulary)#so you could say im half of the time trying to pay attention to words and their spelling and learn them based on the translation given#and then i get caught somewhat off guard#im like ‘ok that spelling is… that’s not polish. what is this. german.’#‘okay got it. alright [moves down page] ok now he’s just speaking latin for fun now’#i’m not complaining to be clear i just find it funny because there’s so many damn references and weaving together of different#languages cultures literary traditions canons mythologies etc.#it reminds me when i had just started reading interviews with sapkowski#and before then i had just read season of storms and i was like ‘what is all this latin how pretentious is he’#and then i read the interviews and i was like oh. that’s just how he talks#when the intellectual regis randomly quotes cicero in lotl… i can see where that came from#also again to be clear i don’t think it makes one particularly uniquely intellectual to know and use multiple languages#i think its probably what the global norm is#but what makes it funny with andrzej sapkowski is that#as dandelion said about regis: ‘(he) was an intellectual. and liked to demonstrate it’#but i think this is what i like about his writing—particularly bc i never was especially close to anyone like this irl#though i think this is maybe for the best… sometimes… intellectuals are best read and not known 😬😅
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Shocked to find I haven't posted some of my older art here from the past few years that I'm very proud of, would any of you guys be interested in seeing some of that work?
#i think its bc for a while a couple years back i abandoned tumblr in favor or twitter which i very quickly discovered was a BAD IDEA#and i guess i didnt properly crosspost a lot of my stuff????#just lmk i suppose. ill probably do it anyways bc i want to make sure ive documented this stuff#and some of these works mean a LOT to me#which makes it extra surprising i never posted them.....#laika originals
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ideal merlin ships:
arthur & gwen
elyan & percival
merlin & gwaine & leon & lancelot as a big polycule
morgana & therapy
uther & an earlier death
#bbc merlin#merlin#arthur pendragon#guinivere#sir elyan#sir percival#sir gwaine#sir leon#sir lancelot#merlin emrys#morgana pendragon#uther pendragon#alternatively: morgana & care love and inner healing#leon would look at lancelot and be like thank god another voice of reason#and then quickly discover that he is in fact just as chaotic as the other two
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my arrangement of the andor main theme for flute!
#andor#it's short and only 4 tracks but it's my first time trying to arrange one of these myself & I think it turned out well#you would not believe how many takes I had to do to get everything in time and in tune#i should totally do the synth 16th notes bassline on flute i said it'll be fun i said#hey. got there in the end.#i was gonna do a 6th interval on that with both the A4 and the C4 but quickly discovered that#1. trying to do 16th notes at 90bpm on really low notes on flute is very difficult#2. trying to line up 16th notes at 90bpm when you can't hear the other player and are just relying on the metronome is nigh impossible#so I just did the original A 16th note line#original post tag#star wars
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clarinette "Wait....................if mochi dies, then lime will be sad enough to date me again to get over her................" and joins the kill-mochi-on-sight club
#but like. in a hilarious way#since i dont take anything seriously#sets up a guillotine trap on the front door or something#some tom and jerry shit#and then acts all innocent when caught#very quickly discovers just how out-matched she really is#(after she knows about mochi being a witch)#shes like ohhh this girl..... she used magic to seduce him for sure.....#lime in the back: are we or are we not resistant to magic#she goes (shes a witch so now i have an EXCUSE to kill her/lock her up/etc)#clarinette creating very contrived ways of getting at mochi#and lime having the vibes of a babysitter trying to stop a small child from sticking a fork in an outlet#lime (i dont actually care about you but i dont think attacking mochi is a good idea) goldwood
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Is it a BPD thing to get excited when you find another mutual with BPD LMAO. This is mostly joking. I do have BPD. - sci-twi
Yooo BPD buddies!! I think it's a silly guy thing pft. The BPD to BPD communication
#ask#honestly im so happy i discovered i have BPD because i would keep thinking its my cptsd and delusion of persecution instead of BPD splits#and it would have 100% made my delusion of persecution WAY worse#tbh bpd and cptsd combo is hell because they feed each other in a really quickly built snowball#now i can just go like ITS JUST BPD ITS NAWWTTT TRUEEE HAHA#my friends Dont Hate Me and want to explode me I just have BPD !!! there's nothing im reading into!!!
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