#and it doesnt even touch on the ''being perceived and people not liking it'' aspect lmao

[tethered-heartstrings]

why is posting a fic harder than writing it

[aphrodeiities]

𝔠𝔞𝔫𝔠𝔢𝔯 𝔦𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔣𝔦𝔯𝔰𝔱 𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔰𝔢

♇ cancer in the first house, conveys about how an individual is first perceived by those who are around them, or by those they meet by the first time. those with cancer in the first angular house will have people think of them to be kept to themselves, private, comforting and protective of themselves and their surroundings. on the other hand, there can be people who'll have negative first perspectives of people who have cancer in the first house and view them to be individuals who are sarcastic and easily offended.

♇ touching the topic of self-identity, it is mostly believed that people with cancer in the first house self-identify themselves as people who are "nurturers" or even "protectors" protecting themselves, guarding the people around them along with their possessions, it could be viewed that whatever cancer is in someone's chart is where someone is most protective of, for example, an individual with cancer in the first house are protective over their life path, what they want to achieve in life, their identity and creations. let's look at angelina jolie, aside from her movies, we known for sure that she is protective over the name she makes of herself and that being a woman who cares about children and those in-need.

♇ along with the impression natives with cancer in the first house make to the audience, when opening up, these people give other people the idea that they are vulnerable and emotional behind that hard crab cloak and are individuals who are affectionate, devoted and sympathetic. it can be debated that people with cancer in the first house are viewed as "fake" because of the hard crab skin that hides their true identity under, other people could have the concept that the particular with cancer in the ascendant are like onions, every time you peel there's a layer.

♇ moving from the topic of how other natives perceive them and singularly to the topic of personality, the ascendant is one of the many things in astrology that conveys the persona stance of someone. it can be debated that cancerian people are comical, howbeit, their persona includes them being of hard-working, generous, nostalgic and sentimental. having the traits that are viewed as smothering, controlling or manipulative, this mostly comes down to the specific individual in if they want to become the best version of themselves, along with afflicted aspects with the ascendant.

♇ the planetary ruler of cancer is known to be the moon, the moon isnt really considered as a planet but in astrology it is viewed as a celestial planet. [along with the sun], with the moon being the ruling planet, this entails that there could be somewhat of a womanish grace every cancer rising has, it doesnt necessarily need to be something feminine but as something that could be viewed as sustenance and providing. that'll always have a handful of people looking up to the cancerian natives. the moon has always been worshipped so people with cancer in the first house might find themselves being adored a lot or might find themselves worshipping something or someone, could be themselves, their partners, a God, a celebrity etc.

♇ coming to what the first house is usually known about, the appearance, i have gathered that a lot of cancer ascendant natives have big eyes, or sometimes their features could be too big for their face, they're sometimes clowned about having a gerbil/baby face. aside from the young features, many cancer risings normally have pointy/long chins, or their chin just has a lot of meat/fat in it [or just a lot of meat in their face] their heads shape is either circular or very structured but still circular, might even have a double chin.

♇ the ascendant in astrology rules over one's personal ambition, it could be beheld that cancer risings personal ambitions would include them being comfortable in their own skin and comfortable in their atmosphere. for example cher, she is expressive about how she is comfortable being without a man, whether she has one or not, and sees men as a "luxury" but not as a necessity, it could be deemed that cancer risings personal ambitions is to live a life where not having something in specific wont internally hurt them and make them insecure.

♇ strengths and weaknesses being a vital point of the ascendant, cancer natives durability being their affectionate, creative, protective and tough self where their weak traits could be studied as them being people who are controlling, smothering, inconsistent and defensive.

♇ the first house in astrology is also centred around how a specific person projects their personality into life; and cancer placements, especially cancer risings are very specific about how they launch themselves, they're very aware, like they can be considered as people who play chess whilst others are playing checkers. they empathise with other people making other people feel like that cancer in the first house native understands them for who they are; they present themselves of being people who are nurturing and receptive, which causes other people to lean onto them or you could say depend on them a lot.

♇ people with cancer in the first house view the world as somewhat unfair, they're emotional and receptive people and are likely people who can easily point out when someone or something is being treated unfairly. besides unjustified treatment, cancer risings discern the world as a place to make memories in, dont be surprised whenever a cancer placement is holding a camera to capture an event, they're people who like to hold onto nostalgia so whenever they feel down, there is a happy moment they can look back onto that reminds me why they can keep pushing.

♇ self-imagery, an important matter of the first house, as the moon that naturally rules cancer is always in the sight of people's gaze, it wont be surprising if there would be cancer ascendants who are insecure with the way people might view them. as cancer is a celestial sign, they might've had to be in the front row of something, there it be a school, family, siblings etc, there was just always something in specific people watched the cancer rising for. which makes up to why they want to, well not necessarily manipulate, but alter the way people perceive them because if they do behave in a way that is considered as wrong, it'll never be unseen so they do feel stressed about self-image, majority of them, but as they grow they'll learn that they cannot always change everyone's perspective of them and comprehend to live with what they know about themselves.

♇ closing off this post with the impact they leave on others, i have forespoken about cancer risings making other people feel understood, it could be stereotypically commented that they make others feel that way because of the feminine or "matriarch" energy they own; the effect they leave on others is to aid other individuals to perceive various outlooks differently and with a more understanding perspective. in my opinion, i feel like their ability to help the way people see specific things in life is the reason why they tend to get worshipped a lot. or think of it as a way of the moon being the only light in the darkness, giving me another reason to why people adore them as such because there could be countless of people who think of them "as the way".

pluto's masterlist

cancer in the houses

paid natal chart readings

[deimosatellite]

something ive been thinking about a lot is like. it seems like kazuki doesnt exactly know the extent of rei's family history? of course its probably pretty obvious to kazuki that some really fucked up things happened in rei's past but i think its definitely deliberate that kazuki seems to have been kept in the dark about things-- of course he understands that rei doesnt have a good relationship with his father, and probably knows how trapped rei is in his line of work, but even then he never really pries or tries to be overbearing to rei in that degree.

adding a read more bc this post is like almost 1000 words bc im so normal about them

he knows that rei doesnt want to talk about it, and he wants to support him in that, since he knows that rei knows himself better than anyone. of course, this doesnt negate how kazuki did everything possible to help rei when he first found him as a shell of a person. imagining how kazuki must have felt when he first heard rei exhale in a slight laugh, the first time rei didnt lean away from his touch, the first time he saw a glint of life in those dead eyes. how it was when rei first said something snarky back to him. the little ways in seeing rei becoming less like a dead man walking every day. of course, rei definitely slips into his old mindset now and then, which probably scares the shit out of kazuki at first before he knows how to let him work through it.

-not to mention rei doesnt exactly seem like the type to open up about his past, even to kazuki, and im wondering if theres something even within rei where he hasnt exactly accepted how fucked up his past is--it was normal life for him for a long time, to the point that as an adult he seemed to have accepted that he was seen only as a weapon. until being around kazuki, and eventually miri, he had his own definition of normalcy, which was of course twisted as hell by his upbringing.

but living with kazuki at first, it might as well be the first time someone's treated him like a person and seemed to even perceive that he might be deserving of basic human decency, something even he might have not believed for himself. and while kazuki was very caring for him, it didnt seem to be overbearing, seeming to give him space when he needed it and it seems even during the events of canon that he never shows pity to rei--something probably very important to rei. kazuki didnt want to coddle him, because he probably knew how that type of pity felt.

even in the montage of kazuki moving in, kazuki seems to just kind of bring himself and care into rei's life, without making a big deal out of it--moving a couch in one day, cutting his hair another, etc.. and i think kazuki probably didnt pry about why rei was the way he was, not to mention rei might not have found it important enough to mention since it was so normalized for him. they probably talked a few times about rei's parents and kazuki's lack thereof, relating to each other in a few aspects of their upbringing.

enter miri then, and imagine how it so slowly dawns on rei that this is how its supposed to be. it dawning on him that his upbringing was really fucked up, and that he somehow is part of a real family now, in a way he could never have even comprehended before. then comes the pain of realizing that holy shit, all those things that happened to me were SO fucked up and coming to terms with it all. and after the years he spends with kazuki, the year he spends with miri--hed do anything for them, and do anything to remain in a normal life with his new found family. when his father tries to take him back, tries to get rid of the two people he loved the most to push him back into that state of being nothing more than a weapon, rei doesnt hesitate to permanently disable his own dominant arm to end the discussion and leave no chance for his father to force his hand in the matter. everything had led up to this point--rei had been horribly abused his entire life in order to be used for killing, and here he ended that life. it was his ultimate sacrifice for his new family.

kazuki is then there for him in the aftermath, slowly piecing together the depths of what rei did to save their family, their relationship strengthens to something that would last a lifetime.

and thinking about how years after canon, rei finally opens up to kazuki on some random winter night when theyre together. rei had never told anyone about what his childhood was like before, and even took years coming to terms with how messed up everything that happened to him was. that it wasnt normal in the slightest. kazuki listens.

[mrsjadecurtiss]

The thing that we won’t have a roose chapter it’s kinda sad. Like we will never know if doing certain things (like the red wedding) didn’t minimally affect him or otherwise. Like we can’t forget that he doesn’t EXPRESS his feelings not that he hasn’t any. I know Brabrey said this specifically but as wise she is she can’t read others mind. I’m not justifying any action I’m only saying it would be interesting finding out he actually “gives shit” about things he did. And I know the probabilities of this being true are very low, but as a person myself who has difficulties to express my emotions and seems apathic to others while I feel emotions with the same intensity as everyone I was curious.

Oooh now that you sent your second ask the original one appeared! My reply got a little long; I will use quotes from your ask as “chapter headers” for the different topics so it is easier to understand.

“We will never know if doing certain things (like the red wedding) didn’t minimally affect him or otherwise. [...] I’m not justifying any action I’m only saying it would be interesting finding out he actually “gives shit” about things he did.”

I don't think Roose feels *bad* about the red wedding - he didn’t have to do it after all, it's not like he was under coercion or threat of his life; arguably the entire thing wouldnt have worked without having a strong northern traitor. While Robb's cause was a losing one and this influenced Roose to turn cloak after weighing the alternatives, Roose was not in danger under Robb and his betrayal appears to have been about both minimizing his waste of resources in a losing cause as well as the advantages he can get from this new alliance and what Tywin offers.

Roose appears to fundamentally be a selfish man, who decides his actions after what will give him the most benefit at the smallest risk to his own person. Any regrets i imagine he might feel (this could be what you meant in your ask) would be not on a moral level, but rather about mistakes he made that led him into a position that might not end well for him, and the danger he has gotten himself into.

Roose Bolton said nothing at all. But Theon Greyjoy saw a look in his pale eyes that he had never seen before—an uneasiness, even a hint of fear.  - aDwD

Roose to me represents the worst of feudalism, and the epitome of how someone turns out who is raised at the top of this society and with an unchallenged privilege. He has no respect for the autonomy of the people below him in hierarchy, and sees politics and the power at his hand as a tool to benefit himself first and foremost.

“We can’t forget that he doesn’t EXPRESS his feelings not that he hasn’t any.”

Agreed - for all that he is evil and callous i believe it is shown that he has feelings and emotions, which he generally hides under a mask.

Roose Bolton's own face was a pale grey mask, with two chips of dirty ice where his eyes should be. - aDwD

We know he feels fear about his crumbling political situation, he feels fondness for Walda, he appears to talk about Domeric with affection, he is amused enough by Arya not to punish her, he refuses to break the taboo of kinslaying, and something drives him to keep Ramsay around even though it is not advantageous rationally. He has his wants and needs, he has societal expectations he adheres to (like the expectation to continue his family line), he has a distaste for being disrespected...

As an example of him showing emotion, in the Red Wedding itself i believe grrm intentionally contrasts his behaviour with the prior Jaime chapter: where in his dialogue with Jaime he seems relaxed, talks a lot and is shown enjoying his food, in the Red Wedding he is quiet and doesn’t eat much while exchanging subtle threats with Lord Walder. This appears to show that he was indeed stressed in this high-stakes situation and aware of the danger he was in. Note that the quote from aDwD about him showing fear also explicitly points out that he says "nothing at all" in a time of stress, paralleling his lack of dialogue during the RW chapter. (Catelyn is depressed and so probably not talkative, but he also doesnt engage in dialogue with his wife despite her “chatter”).

I wont expand on it too much in this post for length's sake, but i think it is also likely that Roose shares traits with Ramsay in terms of emotionality (which he then hides under his “mask”, as opposed to his openly emotional son); For example his behaviour of not tolerating disrespect and taking what is "his" in the event with the miller's wife. Some i also briefly touched upon in this meta.

“I know Brabrey said this specifically but as wise she is she can’t read others mind.”

In “The Prince of Winterfell”, Barbrey has a long paragraph about her opinion on Roose. As this is her first longer scene, it is my opinion that her entire long dialogue scene with Theon is meant not only to show insight into some of the characters she talks about, but also about her own character; since the way someone talks about people shows how they think.

The negative way she talks about Roose ( “Roose has no feelings, you see.”) seems to be informed by several things:

- Obviously, his callous and selfish personality and lack of morals

- The fact that Barbrey and Roose clearly have history. Considering that Roose now has Ramsay as his heir, and Barbrey loathes Ramsay for what she believes is his fault in Domeric's death, Barbrey likely harbors some resentment against Roose for this move. This likely boosts her opinion that he is completely emotionless and only "plays with [people]" without caring for them. Her line "He does not love, he does not hate, he does not grieve" seems to contain a certain bitterness, and i believe it at least partially refers to their personal history (one could try to continue her words: he does not love [Barbrey], he does not hate [Ramsay], he does not grieve [Domeric].).

- Barbrey calls Theon's heart "craven and cringing", she calls Wyman Manderly "craven to the bone, that one", and she holds a grudge against Eddard for what he did to her without presenting much understanding for his side of the story. I believe she has a tendency to have a slightly superficial view of people or at least to talk badly about these superficial aspects, informed among other things by their appearance (Ned and Roose are plain, Theon and Wyman have physical deficiencies) and presentation (the colder Roose/Ned vs the outgoing wolf-blooded Brandon), and by the slights she perceived they did to her. She also has a tendency to scapegoat people to cope with grief, like hating on Rickard’s maester for Brandon's marriage.

So while she is right about Roose' callousness and moral bankruptcy and has some correct statements, as a fallible character (as opposed to the all-knowing author) she likely somewhat designs her view of him to fit her own narrative and worldview. So while she is an enticing source since she is close to him, her view on him should be taken with a grain of salt the same way she is not 100% correct about people like Ned or Wyman. Some things she says can be argued with through character analysis, and some things we have concrete quotes we can contrast: For example while she says "I think [Roose] would be pleased if the fat man attempted some betrayal", we know that Roose is in fact worried and bothered by the prospect, and in his dialogue to Ramsay it reads like he describes the unfaithfulness of his allies as threatening instead of an amusement. She also theorizes Roose wants to be king in the north, which seems like an impossible plan in his current political situation and nothing we had any hints towards so far in his scenes (I sometimes like to muse it might have been a reference to grrm's plans for the five year gap).

So basically what i would love a Roose PoV for is turning all the "apparently"s and "maybe"s from my metas into either confident statements or to deconfirm them... Showing some more of his view on the world, some more of his past, how he really feels about people without filtering it through dialogue and political goals... His worries, his anger, his happiness, raw and unfiltered... His long scene with Theon in Reek III practically doubles as half a PoV chapter because of the insane amounts of exposition in his dialogue (Theon barely talks or thinks for pages while Roose talks), but it is still filtered through Theon's impression of him and the agenda Roose might have behind his spoken words to present himself in a certain way.

I like to analyze his character from his lines in the book, and what few quotes I find by grrm in the So Spake Martin collection round out my impression of him well, but I would love to have a view inside his head to really get to the meat of it, and get a view of his true personality without the help of assumptions and implications.

[rogueshipagogo]

ppl have been asking me my opinions on space channel 5 vr... and i guess since i bought a vr headset off craigslist just so i could play it and speedrun it before work the day it came out... i should talk abt it now... i dont rly think i’ll be able to separate it into ‘good’ and ‘bad’ things i think i’m just going to do a rambly stream of consciousness bc i have a headache... but i DO have good things to say abt this game... so st.... sta stay t tune  d

right off the bat, the thing i appreciate most abt this game- i like that space channel 5 vr doesnt have cash grab vibes. i Do genuinely believe that they Wanted to make this game For the people who are still obsessed with it, and that they ultimately did what they set out to do when they intended to scale certain aspects of the series up conceptually to match the way the fandom perceives it nowadays. but like i’ve said before... i’m not going to Disagree with the very common conclusion that it Needed to be longer, or at Least more intricate plot-wise. one of my fun and fresh excuses for sc5vr being as short as it is is because you arent really supposed to be playing vr games for too long anyways, its really disorienting and kinda painful, but even that doesn’t account for why so much of the game that we got is a rehash of old settings, concepts, songs, and characters. [i dont even have a problem with reusing old songs, i just think the ones they chose ended up being misleading]

for example i think it makes sense that the first report is a remake of the first games first report on the surface, it’s meant to take you back to the way the first game felt and give you an idea of what it means that the games classic scenery can be rendered in actual high quality detail now [same with the recurrence of events like encountering the space pirates in the asteroid belt/the last battle against a villain being singing to it about what it’s done wrong], but i really thought, like, report 1 was going to end up being a simulated scenario for the benefit of lou and kee’s training... which i dont think ended up being the case??? i think they really did write ‘ok here you are in the first game’s setting again, fighting the old enemies again, because... :^) ok have fun playing report 2!’

and then whats report 2... you fight another old boss from the first game... but theres Still no clear villain or motivation for anything thats happening... and there wont be until like... basically the end of the game...

like, glitter is a really cute character, but its kind of underwhelming that shes just a random citizen who was kidnapped by an entity that we NEVER LEARN ANYTHING ABOUT... like part 1 was extremely notable for being about corporate greed and corruption, part 2 honestly wasnt that political in comparison but at least made you do a think wrt purge’s motivation and his methods, and this game just has a plot device that feels like it���ll do smth but then ends up not doing anything beyond what we already learned about it from the information on its character bio before the game was out. if it turns out that cell x is actually relevant again in a future entry in the franchise and they do have a more developed concept for what cell x Is in mind, i’ll do an entire backflip, but for now its just chalked up to being the result of More Space Hijinks that dont need to be explained

ESPECIALLY WITH ALL OF THE ALLUSIONS TO CELL X BEING AN ENTITY THAT FEEDS OFF OF DANCE ENERGY... it had me thinking that there would have to be some New Method of fighting it off that didn’t just lend it more power in the process, but nah apparently just tacking on the disclaimer ‘*this dance energy is not for glitter’ is enough to turn it from smth it can consume for power into big attacks you can use to kill it... like honestly it sounds like im asking for a lot from a game that has Never made too much sense, but considering that in part 2 they could add details like ‘oh didnt you know purge can open pocket dimensions? ulala is capable of manifesting tangible dance energy and the only other person who can do that is purge???’, its not like they havent come up with weird new shit for dance energy to do within the plot before. they just didnt do it in this game fsr

like did anyone else think that cell x/glitter was going to be the result of tossing purge out into deep space and him encountering the sc5 universe’s equivalent of an eldritch alien creature, smth more bestial than morolians?? even if purge wasnt part of it, when you say ‘uh oh, this guy Eats this society’s only source of energy!!!’ i expect the stakes to get HIGH, and i want the ramifications of it to be kinda STARTLING, because blank wanted money and purge wanted to ritualistically end the world but something this near to an ecological disaster that would force an entire paradigm shift hasn’t occurred yet in the series?? its totally new!!! there’s a lot they could do with this but OH DONT WORRY ABOUT IT EVERYONE ulala knows how to make dance energy kill cell x instead of feed it she’s got this we’re good no need to investigate more into all that

i can’t explain why the game is like this. and i dont expect grounding to address it in any meaningful way either. i’m sure they’re Aware of these complaints by now- the game reviewing community has Not been kind to sc5vr specifically due to all of these shortcomings [i didnt even touch on the issues with motion sensing and how many of the games mechanics were removed in favor of smth presumably easier to program yet much less satisfying, like Secret Moves just being mini quicktime events and Turning Your Ratings Into Stars just being replaced with the standard Three Strikes You’re Out method of scoring], but the pr team still seems very enthusiastic abt the game and is still promising dlc and potentially even more games in the series after this one- heres hoping that they’ll at least take these grievances to heart and consider making the experience not only more accessible [aka it will... go back to being a rhythm game with controller input.... and not... an exclusive vr experience...], but also as immersive and detailed as the old games, with less reused plot beats. i can let some of it off the hook in this game simply because i’m aware that it began its life as a tech demo that was only supposed to be that initial first report from the first game But Happening All Around You!, but i Really dont think they could get away with doing this little to expand upon the groundwork set by the first two games again. not with the way people remember part 2 being such a vast upgrade from part 1... the bar had been set so high that this just felt like a huge backslide into something even sillier and harder to take seriously than part 1 before we had any idea what kind of staying power the franchise would have as a hallmark of sega’s quirky antics. like... this game is what i think space channel 5 looks like to people who don’t understand the appeal of the first two games. and that scares me

but i guess for the most part, aside from wishing they had done more to revitalize the setting and the lore of the sc5 universe itself, im kind of glad it didnt do a lot to change the existing storylines the characters have kinda forged for themselves- here i was stressing out that they would pull out some plot development that would utterly and drastically change the way we talked abt the series for the rest of time, but so little happened and so little was added to the bank of sc5 lore that we can kind of all just carry on as usual and keep having the same headcanons we always had.

BUT!!! there ARE a lot of cute little details here and there that make the experience feel wholesome and like i said not an utter cashgrab- like so many of the character profiles referencing previous games [all of the references to npcs in this game being relatives of the npcs of the last games made me lose it] and how often ulala changes her expressions up and looks right at you and talks to you. the new music they wrote for the game also all slaps and everyones redesigns [if they got a redesign... rip pudding] are stunning

one of the most important things they did in this game was give a nice sort of Update to every character.... for example explaining that ulala isn’t a rookie reporter any more like she was in the first 2 games, that she’s moved up to being in charge of training new channel 5 reporters, and that while pudding is still somewhat stuck on her rivalry with ulala her career isn’t stagnant either, she was just cast in a romcom series as the lead... which is really nice considering how in the past she was portrayed as somewhat of a loser with almost no remaining fans left from her idol years

and you knew i was going to bring up jaguar at some point HES ALL OVER THIS GAME AND IT LITERALLY MADE ME FEEL LIKE MY LIFE WAS WORTH POWERING THROUGH THESE LAST FEW YEARS AND ALSO LIKE IM A GENIUS FOR SPENDING SO LONG POSTING EVERY SINGLE DAY ‘NO REALLY, HE’S THE SECONDARY PROTAGONIST OF THE STORY, ITS ABOUT CHANNEL 5 AS A COMPANY AND THEIR IMPACT ON EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER ENCOUNTERED THEM AND THAT INCLUDES JAGUAR AS WELL AS ULALA HES INTEGRAL TO THE PLOT BC SHE WOULDNT BE ALIVE IF IT WEREN’T FOR HIM’ i feel like it’s really incredible how in this game he has genuinely nice energy and doesnt withhold praise from ulala just to be helpful in a mysterious way later and he like HAS FRIENDS now. like consider how he went from disgraced former ch5 employee who got mad every time he saw them, to kidnapped robot henchman kinda humbled by the fact that now the turns tabled and ulala had to rescue Him, and now 3 years later his bio is all about how he has a new tv show thats super popular and he has a new entourage of ladies who he considers his '’’’’’comrades’’’’’’’ within the station he founded??? AND AFTER 20 YEARS THEY WERE FINALLY ABLE TO GIVE HIS MODEL JUICY ASS CHEEKS??????????????? NO MORE PANCAKE BOOTY???? THE BOY HAD A GLOWUP AND NO I WONT STOP TALKING ABOUT IT

WHEN I SAY MEOW MATCH THE POSE MOTHERFUCKERS THIS BLONDE BASTARD GETS TO BE IN CHARGE OF THE HUNDRED STAGE BATTLE NOW TOO THIS IS THE YEAR OF THE SPACE PIRATES BAYBEE

[chrisemrysfics]

https://ouyangzizhensdad.tumblr.com/post/621770119270498304/phoenix-mountain-kiss-and-consentboundaries-in

A very good read, I have The path we took that I made to try and show how I felt myself about Wangxian romance, although I didn’t actually touch the dub/non con k/ink they have. So here is a ramble about this, because I realized MXTX was much more purposeful that I realized (and I had already realized she was saying something in her story).

I might make an extra for The path we took to put all this in proper, introspection like words, but here is the pure ramble, and it was written straight up as it is you’ll feel like I’m exactly doing that: rambling to you about it!

I actually hadn’t fully perceived the depth of how consciously MXTX wrote the kiss and the drunken shenanigans, but really stands out to me is the moment OP says that sometimes, you don’t know your limits until you’re faced with them.

And when you look at it, each and every moment that deal with consent, dubious consent, or non-consent, ends up teaching something to Wangxian, both the limits and what they like. For example, in phoenix mountain, LWJ realizes how bad his action was, he’s angry with himself, and in turn, we can see he never tries to “force” himself on WWX in any way (and I mean it as more than just romance/se/xual aspect! he also doesn’t impose his will on WWX, or to choose for him). Meanwhile, WWX is conflicted, and I still strongly feel it’s because he realizes he liked being manhandled. If you think about it, up until this kiss, he had never done anything, and he seems like he was always the confident one, the one who goes after people. Then, for the first time, he’s utterly not in control, and he realizes he likes it. He doesn’t like that someone stole a kiss, and at the same time he was affected by the dominance of it. When he himself has dubious consent with LWJ due to LWJ being drunk, WWX is so caught in the passion, that its only later he feels guilt, and I think its partly due to how he was caught in the genuine passion, that up until LWJ jumps away, WWX unconsciously felt genuinely loved and so he didnt question his actions yet. In the incense burner extra, we discover LWJ has had non-con k/ink dreams, which he initially didnt want WWX to see (worried? ashamed? both?), and my point will always stand that what matters is that he never did this (the one time he non-consent WWX, he stops before he goes further than a kiss). And the thing is, if he had these dreams as a teen, or anytime before the stolen kiss, he might have not thought he would ever lose control, then he steals a kiss, and realizes he can, and so he is more careful; if he had these dreams after the stolen kiss, he’s likely angry at himself and pushes them away; and if he has these dreams after they confess and wwx teases him about it, then he has more knowledge of what is okay to wwx, but he can’t know for sure how wwx would take such a k/ink. Except, be it stolen kiss or wwx realizing he loves angry lwj, wwx is already aware that, if its lwj, he doesnt mind. he also discovers that he does have a non-con k/ink himself. both of them do, and it’s a struggle to handle because non-con is something we all, at the basis, know to be wrong.

so what I mean is: non-con was always meant to be a k/ink wangxian had, and the key points of their se/xual moments has been to make them aware of it and make them aware they need to understand each other, and outside of the se/xual aspect, communication is something they had to learn. and that’s why i want to say mxtx is so good, because she went as this k/ink, which can be very hard to deal with, and managed to make it part of the story, and part of the relation, and make it real. it’s not about “good or bad”, its about two people who have a k/ink that they needed to notice and figure out. and honestly, dreams with the incense burner are a great way for them to figure out limits. by the time they have those, they are established, and there is no hesitation in wwx to tease the dream lwj, and no worry, which implies he knows lwj wont mind. when they wake, you actually see them discuss the one thing wwx didnt like (the spanking).

they are k/inky, they know it, and they discuss it, and it’s all because they made mistake of dub con and non con and learned from it. it also implies they forgave each other for these, and took the lessons out of their mistake.

and it’s so, so good, because we know them to have a genuine romantic bond, a strong bond, and it shows that even the greatest of bond can go through hardships. it’s nice if you don’t make a mistake, but if you do, you learn from it. and again, OP sentence is very, very important, and something people have grown to forget:

sometimes, you won’t know a limit until you are face with it. and that’s what fiction is for. its safe because nothing can harm us, and you will see things in fiction you would never, ever wish on anyone. you’ll see things you can’t really see in your own life. you’ll see all sorts of situation, that you might have never experienced. and if you react negatively, you just learned a limit, something you yourself can’t handle. but there’s also the side where you can discover something you like, and then you can research. you can see how different fictional people handle things, and it helps yourself, even unconsciously, discover how you could.

think about it: would you prefer discover about knife play (as an example) in a fiction, or if your partner suggest it and you try in real life? which of the two is more scary, especially if you can’t handle it? in the same manner, imagine you are into knife play, would you prefer you discover it when your life is in danger with a knife at your throat, or reading a fiction and realizing you’re liking it?

and to go back to wangxian: in context, it’s real life experience for them, and the result shape them, and us, as reader, are able to safely discover the k/ink, read how they react, how they evolve, and we are free of the experience, we aren’t the one who got dub/non con. reading about a stolen kiss and experiencing one can give you the same insight, but one is way safer than the other.

As for those that had a real life experience, and/or who have the same k/ink, it can be healing to read the way it is written in MDZS. The mistakes are recognized, and the experiences shape them to do better. They share trust, and once together, we can see they communicate well. It allows people to heal as well as to see some of the aspects and mistakes one can deal with.

And, again, for Wangxian: everything was deliberate by the writer, because everything ends up teaching them something, making them evolve, and ultimately allows them to have an healthy relationship, because they have seen their limits as well as what they like, and learned from mistakes.

[anarchistsuggestion]

hey, vaccinate your kids you jerks!!!

thanks for coming to my essay! now that i have your attention, i think we should stop talking about anti-vaxxers like theyre all backwards hyper-religious dumbasses. like, im frustrated too, and i agree that "personal/religious reasons" should not allow someone to keep their kids unvaccinated. furthermore, as an autistic person, i despise the myth that vaccines cause autism. i especially hate that it scares people into avoiding vaccines, because theres nothing wrong with me.

but ridiculing these people will only make the problem worse, and here's why: i think that a lot of anti-vaxxers and their communities are used to feeling like the most important aspects of their cultural identities are universally mocked or demonised (im not qualified to say whether these feelings reflect reality in every case, but either way im just talking about feelings, ie, what people think we believe about their culture). for instance, my only knowledge of amish people comes from jokes ive seen others make about them. yes, none of these jokes were very serious, and its easy for me to laugh at them because im not amish, but despite my low empathy i can understand that it just feels bad to hear a whole bunch of jokes about something important to you. i'll get back to this point in a moment.

anyway, i bring up the amish because in 2014, there were measles outbreaks in some amish communities in Ohio. and i think that a lot of the people who dont vaccinate their kids are used to being ridiculed for their "weird" or "new age" or "hyper-religious" or "unchristian" lifestyles, so they just see our concern as more of that mockery. we all sound the same to them, and cant you see why?

"ughh all these people ignoring science and being stubborn about vaccines because their church said--" you sound like one of those atheists. if you cant say anything productive, please stay out of the discussion. why do you act like ridiculing people will change their minds? we should be reaching out, instead.

we need to make the effort to approach anti-vaxxers in a way that distinguishes us from those who only converse with them to mock them.

i want more people to understand that the best way to change someone's mind when they're defensive is by listening. you need to be willing to accept whatever they might rant about, and respect that, even if their fears seem ridiculous, even if their fears are rooted in ableism, their fears still terrify them. thats why theyre called fears. you can validate someone's feelings of anxiety and confusion without validating their bigotry, and you must be willing to accept that this is work. this is difficult. it's much, much harder than yelling your opinions. it's exhausting, and sometimes it doesn't even pay off. sometimes you just can't convince somebody, and you have to be able to accept that.

if this seems too hard for you, i have good news: you do not have to do it. this kind of thing is not for everyone, and it's okay if you just don't want to. this doesn't have to be your responsibility.

i only ask that you stop making things worse by (performatively, in the case of yall who arent in danger of dying/losing a loved one to a preventable disease) mocking anti-vaxxers, because we are the ones who need something from them. we are asking them to face their fears (which were sometimes instilled in them very early in their childhood) for the good of humanity. i don't know about all of you, but i'd be hesitant at best to face even my third worst fear (spiders) for the sake of strangers who regularly mock my culture and heritage, and i know for a fact that most spiders cannot harm me!

this is natural. this is human. it is easy to dismiss things you dont understand, and it's even easier to dismiss them when all the scientific evidence agrees with you. however, your evidence does not make these people's experiences and fears less real for them. it does not lessen the effect their fear has on their choices. knowing that a tarantula won't hurt me if i follow certain guidelines will not stop me from shaking and having a breakdown if i think too hard about touching one. knowing that nothing bad would happen doesn't motivate me to go over to the science building at my college and ask to hold their fucking tarantula.

there are no shortcuts here. if we want anti-vaxxers to accept vaccines and stop putting so much effort towards keeping their children unvaccinated, we have to convince them that they don't need to be afraid of vaccines. we need to actually address their concerns. telling them their fears are ridiculous is just not convincing no matter how much scientific evidence you have. this discussion has become too performative. people just tell anti-vaxxers to vaccinate their kids, and they dont bother to address the fear that motivates their opponents. they don't care that they're asking people to trust a yelling internet stranger with their child's health.

it is inconsiderate to demand things from people without stopping to think about what you're asking for. please think about it from their point of view. if vaccines were dangerous, and they vaccinated their kids, then anything bad that happened to their kids due to the vaccines would be their responsibility. and remember, these people have not been given a convincing reason to believe vaccines are harmless. okay? they do not want to be at fault for their children getting hurt. yes, they are wrong. yes, they are frustrating. yes, they are endangering immunocompromised people like my dad, but there is a huge difference between being malicious and being misguided. please do not treat them like they set out to hurt you.

also? stop telling them to care about other people when you don't care enough about them to respect that they're doing their best with the resources they have. stop saying "i dont know how to explain to you that you should care about other people" when you really just want them to magically stop being scared. maybe you say it out of genuine frustration and bewilderment, but when everyone is saying it, it comes across like a smug 'gotcha!' phrase that excuses you from spending more energy on the debate. you can just say youre tired and stop.

i am trying to explain to you that you should care that these people have felt scammed/hurt by the medical industry enough times that they feel justified in risking the health of their whole family (assuming they even think vaccines work). you should care that theyve never been given a convincing reason to trust remedies promoted by rich strangers who make claims that sound too good to be true. the government has promoted harmful things to underprivileged people before, like milk (it took me a half hour to sift through unrelated stuff about soy milk to confirm this, so i'll go ahead and link my source). it is logical to mistrust an industry that operates for the profit of people youve never met. not everyone trusts the FDA to keep the pharmaceutical industry in check, and it's actually pretty smart to rely on direct accounts from people you know personally when you aren't sure how well something actually works, and you dont trust the ones selling it to you.

with that in mind, talking to people is probably the best way to tackle this issue, but many of you haven't bothered to compile introductory information about vaccines. you havent bothered to present these resources in a way that doesn't ridicule people who are scared. i am trying to explain to you that you shouldn't debate with people if you won't treat them like humans. i am trying to explain to you that "you dont actually care about others" is a hurtful and manipulative sentiment, and when you say it to people who are trying their best, you become part of the problem. you reinforce their mistrust. i am trying to explain to you that trusting doctors doesnt make you morally superior.

put yourself in their shoes for a moment. imagine that someone comes up to you and makes it clear that they think the choices you've made as a parent are ridiculous. they make claims about your child without offering proof, or the only proof they offer also mocks you and people like you (or they just tell you to "google it"). furthermore, they tell you that unless you give in, something bad will happen to their own children, and it will be your fault.

this is manipulative. even if you are correct, it is manipulative. demanding that someone treat their child in a way that they consider harmful is just ridiculous and i don't know why you expect people to listen to you. do you expect this to be easy? do you honestly believe that if someone isn't converted within minutes, they're just being stubborn? do you think these people know the truth, and only persist out of spite?

these questions are necessary, because many of you talk about anti-vaxxers as though the answer is 'yes.' there is a difference between being correct and treating people right. please be more aware of that line in the future, and do your best not to cross it.

oh, and by the way, if i see any of you using this year's measles outbreaks as an excuse to be hateful towards jewish people, i will block and report you. antivaxxers usually arent malicious, and if you perceive orthodox jewish antivaxxers as being worse than other antivaxxers, you need to rethink your beliefs. they arent rejecting vaccines just to hurt you. maybe theyre tired of being demonised and blamed for everything from climate change to unemployment to dead kids*, and theyre unwilling to trust random people with something as important as the health of their children when a lot of us have never bothered to listen to their struggles. (* ive seen a whole lot of people saying things that border on blood libel without quite involving blood during these discussions, so can we all agree to be careful not to do anything that resembles that shit now that ive provided a handy link about what it is? thanks)

lastly, all of this criticism of anti-anti-vaxxers is very easy for me to say because i have less of a personal stake in the issue. i know it must hurt in a way i can't currently understand to lose someone to a preventable disease. if i have made anyone feel dismissed or invalidated in this essay post, i'm sorry for doing so, and i want to make it clear that it is okay if you hate anti-vaxxers. i know their fear has hurt you, and i wouldn't ask you to pretend otherwise. i dont want to make any of you feel like you shouldn't talk about your experiences and fears. i'm just asking that, before you hit the post button, you read through your post and edit out anything manipulative or guilt-trippy. your contributions to this conversation are valuable, and i want the people youre trying to convince to be able to read them without feeling like they have to defend themselves instead of listening to you. the culture around this debate has become almost hostile, and while we dont all need to work directly with anti-vaxxers to make it better, we do all need to agree to stop making it worse.

[fantroll-purgatory]

@47098

Hi again! You guys helped me a lot with my trolls, and you helped me a bit with her already, but if it’s alright I’d like another review! 

Name: Cris Wright 

Is this a reference to Phoenix Wright or do you just like the name? Hehe. I would almost recommend changing the surname to Binyot as a reference to Vinny Vinesauce, a really famous game corrupter, but… since I don’t know your reasoning behind this name, and human kid names tend to have less rhyme and reason, I will Approve It.

Age: 14 (or the equivalent of about 6.9 sweeps)

Weapon: Grappling hook!

As cool as that is, I think maybe hammerkind or scrapkind would work best for her, as a reference to her interests? It seems a lot more likely that she’d be carrying around her bangin’ hammer, or a piece of sharp scrap that she could kick ass with. Unless she utilized the grappling hook to get away from the beast in her home? But it doesn’t sound very useful to use a grappling hook inside a house… I guess I’d need more context LOL.

Inventory: Looks like an old point and click adventure game’s inventory system? Also it keeps track of her health. It has the possibility of getting ‘corrupted,’ but I’m not sure how it would get corrupted.

Since she’s a heart player, maybe it could get corrupted by giving her Way More Lives. Just hearts going all off the screen. Especially if she gets god-tiered in a really unorthodox way that could result in glitching. 

Symbol: Missingno’s ghost version, colored green to match her glasses/ eyes! It matches both her love for video games and is sort of similar to how the events of her story play out. Thank you guys for the suggestion, back when!

Oh I’m glad it was helpful! 

Handle: screapmetalMaster [SM] - screapmetal is for her scrap metal sculptures and her inability to type well. Master is because of her false confidence and bravado. 

Quirk: types in all lowervase and often makes extremely easy to fix typos because she types extremely fast and doesnt check her spelling before pressing send and makes herself look like a complete dumbasss 

FUCK i mean lowercase, also dumbass should ujust have like two s

JUST FUCK 

(uses capitals to emphasize words, mostly curse words, and corrects herself using said curse words. Often makes typos in the correction as well. Doesn’t use commas or apostrophes,  most of the time, and doesn’t capitalize names.)

Haha I love that, it’s a really simple and effective way to communicate her tendency towards haste. I think it makes sense that she’d be in a rush for a lot of reasons, not the least of which including her… lusus.

Lusus: Keeping this in because she sort of… does have one? A big beast in her home that chases her around that acted a bit like a parent when she was a very small baby. The beast is a creature beyond description. When she turned three, the monster kept away before eventually emerging to begin chasing. 

Now I gotta ask… what kind of beast is it? Like you say it’s beyond description, so is it a first guardian or some chaotic sort? Or a spirit? Some sort of cosmic reach around monster projected by a juggalo? Weird stuff can happen in Homestuck so I’d not be too surprised by any of these options. 

Personality: 

Excitable, self-loathing.

Extremely excitable, as in she gets EXTREMELY EXCITED over things she is interested in. She hates sitting still, preferring to wander around aimlessly even if she has seen everything before. She has a hard time connecting to people, but if she does she will ride or die with them. She has a hard time believing anyone really likes her, but still tires her best to be what she considers likable. She doesn’t know what other people are like, though, so she often isn’t very good at making impressions. Every mistake is just another reason to hate herself, but she never lets other people know how she really feels about herself. She absolutely has a phobia of talking about herself, just the thought making her panic. She perceives everyone as being better than her, viewing herself as some kind of cosmic fuck-up that was shoved into the farthest corner of the galaxy to be forgotten.

She is very earnest, seeking ways to do things and enjoying problem solving, but when social interaction comes into play she is completely blank. She has never been around people, so this is to be expected, but it is still almost impossible to speak to others in real life. She has a bigger problem speaking to other humans, as trolls are easier for her to talk to because she relates more to them. 

She has a phobia of being touched, but finds that she is okay when she initiates the touch. 

Ooh, I do like this personality a lot… Being unable to sit still because of how she grew up and this feeling of suffering and this desire for closeness… An inability to connect emotionally and a search for a sense of self, a need to look inside and figure herself out… I also adore that her theme color is green, because it feels like a nice nod to the doom aspect, which feels pretty connected to her too. 

I think you should focus a little more on her desire to build a cohesive identity. You mention her outward confidence/calling herself a master, so maybe make her someone who is a bit of a compulsive liar. Who tries to overstate who she is and what she is capable of, because that’s what she thinks people want to hear, and she wants to present this cohesive outward identity to try to find a sort of stability within herself. 

Interests:

Turning scrap metal into very scraggly, usually sharp sculptures. She basically puts a pile of scrap down and hits it with a hammer. 

Video games, or more specifically fucking up the game’s coding to make weird things happen. 

Programming (In a broad sense)

“in a broad sense” made me laugh. My favorite thing people do is organizing game menu items in a particular code sequence to make events happen in speedruns. Would she do that sort of thing? 

Adventure (in a “i want to see everything and mess it up!” way instead of an “i want to explore the world!” kind of way) 

Maybe you should have her have like, a youtube channel or something of the short where she shows off her glitch fun to try to give herself an ego boost. 

Title: Mage (??) of Heart 

I’m… tempted to make her a Knight of Heart. I know Maroux is a knight, but Maroux’s a troll and Cris is a human, so that should be fine yeah? It just seems like she has a lot of need to self-focus and work on who she is and learn to be confident in herself and her abilities and her identity.

Land: CORRIDORS and SCRAP 

Essentially leaving what she used to have and being thrown back into it, like the universe is telling her that she can never leave what she was born into. (if that makes sense)

Oh that’d be so stressful for her but you’re very right about it being a good idea. It would create a quest that forces her to work on self reflection and exploration instead of an examination of the world around her.

Dream Planet: Derse 

For sure fitting!

thank you guys again!

Always happy to help! Thank you for sharing another wonderful character. Here’s the design notes:

So I really didn’t have much to edit here. I moved her face down to match the style’s proportions better, including moving the hairline down. I made the jacket a uniform color to preserve simplicity. And I added shoes (edited from fan-troll’s) because I feel like if she needs to run it’s a good idea for her to have some reliable running shoes. Unless she wears socks because she needs to sneak? But even then working with a ton of sharp metal scrap while shoeless seems foolish.

She’s a great character! I hope this helps!

-CD

[artstarstv]

Headbanging Sculptures: An Interview with Mimosa Pale

Wandering Shocks at Art Fair Finland, 2017 photo Neo Aarnikotka

Mimosa Pale is unlike any other artist you know. The Finnish performance artist brings sculpture to life through colorful materials, dance and artworks inspired by the carnival, jazz and old fashioned side shows. You might have heard of her hat shop Himo, where she sold handcrafted hats she made in the Berlin’s district of Neukölln (long before it became hipster paradise). That’s not all. Pale has also created technicolor, headbanging sculptures in Helsinki, leafblowed a public monument she covered in fringes and once even created a Marie Antoinette-style headpiece made of shot glasses. 

As she gears up for a book she is making with Justyna Koeke about Tinder dating in the forest, she’s also looking forward for the Stamp Festival in Hamburg, as well as an exhibition at Hilsbach Kunst & Kultur and a performance in The Hot Box. In the meantime, Pale spoke to us about carnival culture, hat-making and recycling for land art sculptures.

Wandering Shocks 2017, photo Lisabi Fridell

There is a great crossover between art and fashion in your work, where does it all come from?

Mimosa Pale: Well, actually I was never so interested in fashion, but more in masquerade! the idea to make my hatshop himo was out of the wish to have an art studio, where people, just anybody could pop in and have a reason to be there. I think people often have a fear to encounter art, as its  traditionally placed on a pedestal or golden frame. So Himo was my studio and a performance space and it was disquised as a hatshop. it had an himo-rosa velvet sofa and a little stage. but the most amazing thing for me was that people believed in my hatshop from the first moment. They came with their hat problems and surprisingly I was able to help them with  "turn it upside down and it looks great" mentality. This led to my real interest in millinery and I started taking courses in hatmaking. but in short: I wanted to combine performance art and sculpture in my hatstore, so I felt most succesful when a person came in and bought a hat, and would go out of the shop with a sculpture on their head creating  street life performance.

Mimosa Pale, Blow, Streetlevel Festival, Helsinki, 2015, photo Antti Ahonen

Why is a DIY approach important to your practice?

I think it has to do with my desire for borderless art. Art is for everybody, and everybody who wants can make it. The more people are encouraged to make art, the more interesting the world becomes. More people practicing self-realization in the form of art reduces stress and anxiety, makes you happier. so maybe it can be described as a social approach to art.

How does the history of costume influence your work?

I’m interested in carnevalism, and in the effects it has on people practicing it. Now that I’m in an artist in residency in Horb am Neckar and there is a vast culture in carneval, which is called "Schwäbisch-Allemanische Fasnet" . I have entered a fools guild just to study this whole thing.  We are carrying the "Häs" with a wooden mask, each weekend between january and march we go parading in an other town scaring the audience or throwing candy to them... and we meaning about 3000 fools from different villages. Its quite a blast! 

Mimosa Pale, Blow, Streetlevel Festival, Helsinki, 2015, photo Antti Ahonen

You really know how to create an atmosphere full of imagination, is your starting point playfulness?

To me, the performances have to make sense somehow. I guess I have a certain kind of logic there but maybe it comes across as something else! for example I just made a performance in Munich where I tried to transform myself into a living diamond. It kind of makes sense, doesnt it?! Who would’nt want to be a diamond? At the same time the visual aspect of an idea is very important; its part of the way an idea is transmitted.

You made feminist art before it was trending, what can you tell us about why the Mobile Female Monument counteracts the history of male, phallic sculpture?

The fact is that there are many sculptures in the history of art that are made by men, are huge, and are phallic. Mobile Female Monument encounters them being soft and mobile and as a place to go inside.  

I call myself a feminist and I’m often being labeled as a feminist artist but I still want to say that this work is more intuitive than its political (that there is more to it). It celebrates the vulva, carnivalizes it, lets everybody touch itself, invites people to create their own little spontaneous performance around it.  At that time I was interested in Commedia dell arte forms of present day, side shows and performance art’s borders. Naturally pissed off by the omnipresence of sex in the advertisements of this ostensibly sexually liberated society, I was curious to see what happens when the taboo is performed exaggerated in the bright daylight. I had to find something where people would stop without me having to stop them;  At the same time the work was personal: what is my sexuality, where is it going, it seems to be evolving. These are, I believe, universal thoughts. Yet there is not so much talk about it; and that’s where it I guess became interesting: showing something that everybody is thinking of.  

Mimosa Pale, Foliage 2018, photo Oona Heleena

Why did you want to do Foliage with your artist group, Wild Angelicas? 

I wanted to create more wearable sculptures, and I always have this feeling of discrepancy between sculpture and performance art. In this I made one piece for a tree and one for humans. I like the contradiction in the idea, being in a foliage one usually wants to hide, the reflecting fabric makes one extremely visible though. It was made in the time of #metoo debate, and I had the Story of Daphne in the back of my head. Feeling ill about the abuse on women and yet being relieved that something is changing.

What are the Wandering Shocks and why are they so fun? How do they interact with each other and the public?

The Wandering Shocks (shock is apparently another word for haystacks) are  performance sculptures (made of baking paper). They can visit a festival, or a gallery or just walk on the street; it always works! People love them! If there is music they dance, if not they still dance or do the headbanging. Sometimes they also just stand and people next to them forget there is a human inside. They interact with the public in a silent, friendly way. Its a fun way to bring art somewhere where its not been expected. They are sometimes mistaken for an advert (for example IKEA had something similar recently)...this reflects how people think nowadays.

Mimosa Pale: Foliage 2018

What was the goal of your piece Blow? It seemed to have some rock/metal undertones?

Do you mean the one where I decorated the public monument with fringes and was blowing it with the leaf blower? Im interested in how we perceive public art, monuments, its interesting how these become part of our daily life.  Also I think these monuments, and also our perception need airing from time to time. Decorating a monument changes the daily stage setting for a short time but I believe it can have inspiring effects on people for a long time.

Maternal Bio Power Plant (2014)

Where do you get your materials? How do you feel about recycling?

Good question! I wish I was the fair trade organic artist, but I’m not! When I’m sad about this I tell myself: I’m just a very very small artist... My best work material-wise was the Maternal Bio Power Plant (2014), a land art sculpture which was made of 170 tons of bulls manure. It was a huge breast, that also was functioning as a bio gas collector, built for an art exhibition taking place on a field. After the exhibition the farmer would just spread the 170 tons of manure as fertilizer on the field. At that time, I was breastfeeding and the breast was the most important organ of the daily life! It was quite funny really how I was working a month on the field covered with this shit (it was a rainy summer) and would now and then get a call from the house to run up to feed the baby. The stripping off the scum became almost like a ritual: in order to stay clean it had to be done carefully despite the urgency.

Performance in the exhibition "Stage" by Jukka Rusanen, Helsinki Contemporary, 2014, with Mimosa Pale and Joakim Berghäll, photo Mikaela Lostedt

What is your approach to performance art?

Performance art was one of the first art forms I started doing passionately and it has been an important part of my work. I think performance art is a very difficult form of art to work on continuously. I do now understand why most people are performance artists in their youth and stop doing it when getting middle aged. It is a direct, immediate, energetic, demanding art form. It requires extremely lot of energy if you want to regenerate your work every time. So doing an in-between thing seems to suit me personally. A bit of Sculpture, performance, music, head pieces... in a way I’m happy there is a form of art where I can combine all these things.

Who are your greatest influences in terms of art, fashion and culture? 

I’m a fan of Niki de Saint Phalle and the Nouveau Realistes, Meat Warlop, Meg Stuart.

Performance in the exhibition "Stage" by Jukka Rusanen, Helsinki Contemporary, 2014, with Mimosa Pale and Joakim Berghäll, photo Mikaela Lostedt

What do you try to communicate with your performance art?

I want to keep my work intuitive and I really try hard to stay truthful to myself and create a socially interesting atmosphere. I try to create a situation where people start communicating, not with me necessarily, but with the surrounding or within themselves.  Sure it varies from piece to piece, the location and venue effect greatly. but as a performance artist I’m aware that I’m taking peoples time, and as it is something so valuable in our world, I try to make the moments they spend watching me profitable! I was thought at art school that performance art is always going towards death. but in my opinion it can be far from it; away with the painful notion of performance art, the self suffering, vomiting artist sorting emotional crisis on stage. I wish my performance can be healing, entertaining, funny, interesting, empowering.

Where do performance art and sculpture intersect for you?

A sculpture is seldom enough for me as it is. !t needs some action! and that is very simply, where my sculptures intersects performance art. A humans size, My size, the body is in relation to the surrounding architecture, landscape, heaven, cosmos. This is what gives it already the frame: we are here on the planet in this size; what can we do? The truth is, my ideal sculpture is moving or changing or evolving.... I'm seldom content with an object that doesnt move! This applies to people and animals too !! So if I was good at engineering I propably would be making kinetic art. But as Im not into that, Me myself I’m the motor for my sculptures and thats what keeps me doing performance art.

What did you learn the most about making couture hats for your HIMO hat shop in Berlin?

I learned that selling hats is a difficult art of its own!  I learned how hard it is to make so many things in the same time; like producing head pieces, selling them, being present, making performances. The Himo time was a great time, I met many interesting people, having a shop makes you visible even in a big city like Berlin, and so I had the opportunity to work with people from fashion, theatre and music.  

What shows or exhibitions do you have upcoming? What are you currently working on?

I’m currently working on new sculptural work, its going to be art in public. I’m also working on a book with Justyna Koeke about Tinder dating in the forest. I’m also looking forward for the Stamp festival in Hamburg, an exhibition in Hilsbach Kunst & Kultur and a performance in The Hot Box.

Mimosa Pale, Study on Carpets, 2014

[thinktwice222]

Last nite and tomorrow, last day’s post

Why the fuck am I like this.

Hung out with my coworker and his group last night.  Met some cool people.  Knew the bartender, friend of an old group that I hung around.  But I run hot, so I try to steer clear to avoid personal trouble, or what I consider trouble.  Drank some beer, stole their beer by accident because of course I was immediately overwhelmed and I didn’t care who’s was who’s.  Talked to some guys in the group, one kid I have definitely seen around but never talked to.  

The other person was a videographer which is really cool, got to talking to him.  Of course when I get talking about my art, it’s about me.  And because the history is difficult, and not only am I already really intense and thorough with my work, it ends up into me talking out a wall of information.  By the end there is no room for, ‘tell me about your work’.  The next part of the conversation is sexism in institutions.  

That and I touched my coworkers hand, but i think that’s okay.  If I remember correctly he has touch my shoulder and it isn’t a big deal.  I get really freaked out about instances like that because I know I am flirtatious and it kills me.  All I do is think about my mom and her flirtations, the ones that she shouldn’t have been doing because of very real implications. but maybe she was naturally like that and it was perceived in a bad light. Who fucking knows, that’s the problem.  And I have resided to not knowing, which is even more.

Question of the day is should I smoke? (today that is)

Mercury is cazimi the sun in  a superior passing, offering moments of clarity which I’m hoping to catch.  Those moments.... they can be something to look forward too..

Work is on Friday, I have the choice to pull a double then but it doesnt make much sense if I don’t finish the inked version of comic book project 1 and a solid sketch of comic book 2.  Both are due friday, I could either finish them tonight and email them late, or send them out friday night. Need to also paint my nails.

My xlr cable to 1/4″ jack is coming today, and my mic will be up and running.  Perfect time to have the house to myself. I’m probably going to sound bad, I know I don’t have my vocal strength but I should have a good range.  I have been really quiet since I graduated, most of my tallking just went to roost in my head.  I felt that much of my thought had only one listener, all the menial aspects of life and feelings to myself.  I hope I’m not too fucked up.

In my dream last night I had a date, but I thought it was my old bf.  Because I never made much eye contact in my dream I was not able to discern  it was a totally different guy that I went on a date with once (in the dream realm), he was really about me but he was weird.  I was a little shocked about the realization because I was relaxed, maybe aloof about sharing physical contact (aka letting my leg touch his and such), which I ended up pulling away upon realization.  Anyways the other half was he was always hanging out with his older brother, but it turns out the brother was actually dead and was just fucking around as a ghost. The were kids hanging around, I lived in a basement, and outside my room weddings and events could be thrown.

My stomach hates me now, but at least I can breathe out of one of my nostrils.  Trying to decide if I should crawl back in bed and not start my morning after writing this.  Sort of because I still feel like I have things to say.  Maybe I would have kept a diary if I could have written online in my youth.  The one journal I knew I had was placed up on top of the refrigerator at one point. That was the place of things kept away. I felt a lot of things when I was younger, I wouldn’t be surprised if I wrote those things down.  But also being raised by the catholic school I went to I think really put it in me to be ashamed that I had those feelings towards another.  

Maybe I should be apologetically myself here, make enemies or friends, or whatever and just move, far away and let this be my grave site.  I wish my practice was stronger so I had something to hide behind. My talking has a home in my head, but where is my pride to hide.

I hear a garbage collection truck passing so I’m getting offset on the quandary of if the trash or recycling needs to be taken out.

The videographer was talking about just continuing your work.  Great thing about art is that you don’t get too old for it.  He was talking about the age limit of some pursuits.  I agree, art is for the long haul. break time, I think a hangover might be catching up.

Okay, ended up smoking.  Watching the series called “episodes”.  It’s pretty funny, and its something to watch.  Still not ready to get to work.

[itesfashion]

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The post University Essay Authors for the projects. Quality essay composing assist for college or university young children. appeared first on Guest Blogging Platform for Jewelry & Fashion.

from Blog – Guest Blogging Platform for Jewelry & Fashion http://ift.tt/2AAcVE1 via IFTTT from Untitled http://ift.tt/2z9Ipyx via IFTTT from Ladiesfashion25 http://ift.tt/2C96iFX via IFTTT

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How come WriteMyEssayz.com feature the most effective school pieces of paper writing support on-line? Why should we create far better assignment help melbourne university newspapers than almost every other available creating program offered? Its straightforward. We’ve the best higher education papers since we hire experts that know exactly what university documents require. For starters, we do not delegate the way in which low c sharp assignment help cost, sluggish corporations do (critical are you wanting your essay compiled by a person who can barely talk British?). Every on inside our skilled editors is really a native United kingdom-presenter discussion the ins and from British sentence structure, spelling, style, punctuation and much more. All at once, our creators are likely to be former teachers or previous college students on their own giving them with firsthand knowledge of the school assignment help bahrain entire world. For this reason they arent just your run-of-the-mill authors: theyre licensed school essays authors.

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i want to take it all back. i want to take back every bit i gave you, every touch and comfort and offering of my time and heart and energy when i didnt have any of it to offer at all. i want it all back, take back what you assume because after all this time you dont know me. You never knew me. I thought you did, thought you could, but i was wrong wrong wrong. You say you love me, but you dont even know me. 

Im not yours. I dont want your touch on me anymore. Dont want the things that you assume me to be, soft and fragile and eternally warm bubbly, your sun in winter and too good and pure for words, a light when you need it to keep you warm and will understand and is compassionate and empathetic and ever-present. Attentive to you, always so caring. I tried so hard to explain myself but you keep assuming, keep brushing it off, never understanding. 

You dont understand me and thats not bad, not a bad thing, not really. But i dont love you. I cant love someone i cant lean on, y’know? Cant love someone who i dont trust when im weak, cant love someone who i cant talk to about the darkest bits of me, all my tendencies and heart and wrongness, my selfishness and uncaring and cruel streaks. Youre kind and warm and tender hearted, so soft and giving and generous and youre in pain too, you are, i know. But we arent the same. We dont have that much in common. Youre idealizing me, a perfect version of me. Youre going to say you dont think im perfect, dont think anyone is perfect, i know, i know, i know. Youre going to say so much and I already know it. But, sweetheart, im not who you view me as. Im sure some elements are true. some aspects. A lot of me I gave you was raw and real and honest. I want them back. The vulnerabilities you misunderstand and the ones you didnt.

Im not the right fit for you. Im not saying this to be mean, or cruel, or vicious. I’m just tired. Tired, and repulsed. You want things from me. Want what you think I am. I’m not that kind of a person. I think i fell out of love with you, if i ever was in love at all. I dont think i was in love. I dont really think i loved you. You cant really love someone who doesnt know you, i dont think. mutual understanding is the foundation of love. we dont have that. dont think we ever had that, though we deluded ourselves into thinking we did.

 I dont doubt you ‘love’, love your perception of me that is, dont doubt you care. I do care about you too, but im not yours. I dont want you to touch me when im breaking, i dont want you to know me, dont want you to think you know me, i gave you so many chances i gave you so much time of mine but we dont fit. I know you think we do. I know you think i could be yours, but i dont want that. 

Im not your sun. Im not your fucking teddy bear to hold, you cannot bury yourself into me and hide, i am not soft and accommodating, i do not have my life to offer you. You dont know me. Im not going to draw my life around you. I will go where I go, i cannot follow you everywhere. I dont have that much energy or time to give on people who dont understand, who keep putting me on a pedestal and holding me up like i could be their salvation, like im something beautiful even when i fall apart on myself. You keep saying that and I. hate it. Hate being seen by you now, y’know? Im not something for you to fix or mother hen or dote upon, I will not be those things for you and Im angry, im so angry, I thought you knew me but i was wrong. 

You keep giving giving giving parts of yourself, bits of yourself, but im always empty. I know how to read you and you still dont know me. I’m so bitter. I wanted so badly for this to work, y’know? but we dont fit right. you dont fit me. Its so horrible, im so horrible, but youre so soft. Genuinely soft and sweet in a way im not. caring, compassionate, youre projecting onto me. projecting yourself onto me. Im not like you and i cant keep censoring myself.

I dont want to me yours and I am not yours. Im never going to be yours. I am no your sun, your comfort, your fucking hope. I dont want you to think that im any of these things i cant be. I am not some fictionalized creature you perceive me as, holy fuck. Thats not me. You dont see me, my heart, my self. I shouldnt have presumed you did when you kept saying you knew me. You dont.