#and it also made me really grateful for the mods the community has made so I wanted to drop them in as thanks

[pentition]

Side note. I kind of wish Pathea treated its romance options evenly across the board. Their romances make up a large portion of peoples engagement with the games, so it's a bit frustrating when one gets less and one gets more.

(Spoilers mentioned below)

My Portia Builder went in blind on Aadit. Welp. After that fell apart, she married Antoine. Why? Because strangely enough he ended up the first bff my Builder had due to seeing one another daily. So best friend to romance just clicked post-Aadit fuckery. But the lack of attention given to Antoine bugs me to this day.

And Pen. Same thing. Which was weird, because I remember seeing he was listed in the EA as someone generating a lot of attention. So I thought we'd get more romance stuff with him. Thankfully, I can shamelessly plug the Pen's Marriage mod or Free Pen to help soothe my soul after getting wrecked back to back by Pathea. I'll never stop thanking the modding community for cooking so good with the Pen-related mods. (Please thank and give love to the creators, too!)

I understand the importance of generating hype and making romance options as goals on a Kickstarter tier. I just hope they grow out of the core romances vs not core romances. It could be argued people like Aadit and Pen should be core romances, due to the plot. The fact that they aren't is just, hrrm, okay. But can we at least get some of that money donated over to evening out all the romance options? Why does it have to be a game of favorites? I get it's easier for allocating funding but like. I've seen plenty of fans who didn't care about Logan, for instance. Or don't care about Amirah. I see fans who adore Catori's arc but they get little for it and it doesn't seem fair.

I just don't understand why funding to create equal content for the romance options isn't a priority, when the majority of engagement I see regarding the My Time series is about the romance options themselves.

[kd89-3dstudios]

🎃 I love Pumpkins & You - Pose Pack 🎃

For a wonderful community here, a gift for you all ❤️

Today I would like to thank everyone who has taken on me and listened to me. To be honest, I am very surprised by how many people have criticized me but also given me encouragement at the same time. Some of them I have helped a lot with Blender or other things, and there have also been many positive words here on my Patreon. Toys of Dukeness also showed mercy to me and wrote a statman. I am very grateful for that. Something I did not expect as I was never so talkative here or on Instagram in general. Soooo Thank you 💖

I will work even harder and better on myself. And to show my gratitude, I am giving you all this pack today. Perfect for Halloween and for all the people who still believe in me!

I'm really learning a lot about Blender and now I'm in the process of creating my own clothes, which is difficult because I don't have any purchased add-ons for Blender, but it's possible anyway, you just have to do everything yourself, but that's what I want. That's why today I'm sharing my first self-made Halloween Bikini. But only for Blender for now. But that's what I want to do more of in the future, because I want to improve myself.

Learn more about 3D stuff/things and learn even more about myself, which is the path I want to take.

🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃

You get:

10 Couple Poses (Mixed)

You need:

Andrew's Pose Player & Teleport Any Sim - Downlode

DO NOT USE THE SLIDER MOD

Generally don't use the slider mod with my Posing or Animation.

Requirement

Original Pumpkin by Simlasya

The stone can be found in the normal building mode in the game. The arrangement of the pumpkins is in the description of the pose pack, I hope you can handle it. It might be a bit confusing for the beginning <.<

HOW TO USE MY POSES

LOOK HERE

TOU: TERMS OF USE 

Don't claim as your own

Don't re-upload

Don't re-edit

Plaese tag me when you use it :)

Instagram KD89_3Dstudios

DOWNLODE

[mariequitecontrary]

2024 TF Reverse Mini Bang Memories Part 2

Link to Part 1! I am sharing just a few of my favorite memories of the @tf-bigbang

Let's keep going!

DREAM TEAM 66

The moment I saw @spashahoney's sketch, Team 66 LAUNCHED to the top of my list. I am so lucky to have been matched up with her as my partner!! She is funny, creative, encouraging, and I loved when we fed off each other's energy! I am truly proud of what we created and sincerely hope we continue to work together in the future <3

It was very fun knowing I wanted to partner with her even when I wasn't allowed to say XD

We were a dream team from the start and I'm not afraid to brag about this fact.

We were so chaotic and I had so much fun bouncing around with her talking transformers and about her concept for our collab!

I was also so, so very wrong about how much I planned to write for this fic XD

Either way, we adored what we both had made!

It's also SO TERRIFYING to even think about someone watching you while you write a fic based off of their art XD

It was VERY FUN and I adore my artist <3

Do I completely blame her for my new Optimus/Rodimus obsession? YES.

#BOBACULT

I bought...so much more boba than I usually do because of these people XD Boba Bthursdays and Bubble Tea Fridays birthed an ongoing boba addiction in me that I'm not trying all that hard to fix XD

RP

Getting back into rping! Most importantly starting to rp transformers! I've always been a big fan of collaborative storytelling through roleplay, so am always DELIGHTED to find rp partners to play with <3

I had to pause because of vacations and the bang deadline, but I can't wait to get back into it!

500 Word Writer Awards

We were challenged to write 500 words for a secret prize and suddenly every last block I felt that was preventing me from starting to write DISAPPEARED. I wrote 632 words and suddenly felt like I could do this🙂

I'm very proud of this reward and am keeping it forever.

I'm Easily Baited with Prizes

That was the start of something I kinda knew but FULLY REALIZED over the past few months...that I am so, so, so easily motivated with prizes. It takes minimal effort on the prize giver's part. All it has to be is something you took the time to provide for me and say its mine and suddenly I DRIVEN to complete whatever task is set before me XD

It's pathetic really. But also here are my prizes look at them I worked so hard for them be proud of meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

DO YOU LIKE THEM I WORKED SO HARD FOR THEM! *bright eyes and wags tail*

Friends <3

I made so many friends! Friends to brainstorm with, an ao3 moot, a friend I've entered into a blood pact with, friends I've written together with a sprinting bot, friends to rp with, friends to talk about space robots with and anything under the sun :) I cherish them all so so so much <3

The Great Cicada War

But my friends bullied me :( They witnessed me dealing with probably the most harrowing part of the year...cicada season.

Time of My Life

I hadn't had this much fun in an online community...in a while. The past four months contain precious memories and friendships made that I'll treasure forever.

To the mods, thank you so much for hosting such a fun event! You all put so much work into making this special for us and I couldn't be more grateful to have been a part of this.

To all my new friends, thank you for welcoming me into this space and making me feel like I'm a real part of this fandom! Thank you for being kind and encouraging me when I was down and struggling, and thank you for uplifting and cheering me on when I was proud and succeeding. May inspiration always come easily to you.

Thanks for all the memories! I'll see you soon :)

[taski-guru]

Somewhere over the Reindeer

..Blue birds fly

̶A̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶d̶r̶e̶a̶m̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶d̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶O̶h̶ ̶w̶h̶y̶,̶ ̶o̶h̶ ̶w̶h̶y̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶I̶.̶.̶ ̶I̶,̶I̶!̶

Alright, I am finishing another YCH, but first quick clumsy silly sketch and news exchange, I think I need to share time by time something with other people, like my psychotherapist advised (she meant that not only talking to friends but being open to other type of communications, quick talk with mutuals / watchers and so on)

I am not used to it, but this year holds for me many new things, heh? Mostly bad ones thou/ For example, what do you think about my sona with short hair? I personally think I look now even more alike my dad, lol. In his early 20s

Also got injured recently or rather, I was hit by a kitchen unit that I didn't hang on the wall properly. I'm not badly hurt, but I have a bruise on my temple and above my eye because of the angle hit. It could have been worse, so I'm not worried. Better me than poor Rendezvous anyway, sadly other acquaintances can't help me due to their daily job. My friends would help me, but they all are aboard now(. Breaks my heart to see they also suffer to see me like this(

It's even funny (if it can be funny) how often I suffer with my eye, a few years ago I had a huge chalazion that tormented me a lot. And a few years ago I had vestibular neuritis, after which my facial muscles remained immobile for a long time and one of my eyes would not open properly. Thanks god I can at least see now after the hit.

I often had health troubles earlier (diabetes related) but now I also lost access to my old insulin and to all decent insulin in general, I tried two types so far and it's obvious that my body refuse to functioning well with it, previous year was bad, but current one scares me, I got surgery and another one is ahead in a year or two (a polyp reduction) I'm afraid there's a connection (with change of insulin type) that my body has started growing tumors, but thank God they're benign ones. Still scary( Hope it won't get worse.

I am tired of hospital visits this year.

Most of these visits were also lonely ones since the only close friend suddenly started treated me in only two mods /snap on me/ being supper irritated or ignoring me like 80% of the time almost whole year. I still don't know what happens, most likely they have their own huge problems they don't want share with me, but idk. Being a jerk is being a jerk regardless your circumstances, as an old close friend I was hoping... not for much really, but at least for a some freedom of rudeness or a few words of support while I am in trouble.

I'll never know what happened, I think

thou I understand there is my fault too, uh( In many things. Only once I called them out for their harsh words and they did not take it well. Thou I don't know what to do, I am tired of tolerating rudeness over and over again this year. Maybe I should have stood up for myself when it's only started but I was scared that they are depressed and a serious talk will only get them angrier / sadder. Did not know what to do really.

They avoiding me now without even clear declaration of ending of relationships that lasted a half of our lives. Feels real bad how cheap our friendship turned out to be then and how many promises they made in the past in which I sadly believed. Can't say more since it's already is oversharing actually. Maybe if their sickly friend is such a trouble that not even worse of waste a few seconds for texting "hang in there" or "do you need help" or something than it's better to put it all at end. I will most likely getting more and more sick over the years if I will not return to my original insulin, so( But I am trying not to get bitter. Will try to hold onto best of our times in the past and be grateful for what we had before this terrible year. Did you have similar situations - what was your friends problems or excuses to act like this?

I believe one of the main reasons is emotional immaturity, when you are avoiding to sort out tensions and problems that sadly can be in any relationship - than it's collecting and grow until it explodes and then such persons play a card that said "I am tired from conflicts, I ignored them all the time before and I can't see connection with the situation we are getting into - can we avoiding sorting out conflicts further, I am already feel bad and you are to blame to make me feel even more bad for making solve this problem I am a part of! I am a victim now because when you said my actions offended you - you offended me, so I will dramatically sulk now"

That does not mean that friend of mine act like that I just described the behavior I saw on other immature people (all 20 and even 25+ thou -_- )

Such persons not only not understanding needs of others, but also they usually don't understand their owns so it's a very huge problem really what is even way beyond just to act childishly time by time, it's almost similar to some personalities disorders.

Not pretending being emotionally mature myself, but.. well.

Well sorry if this too much I actually just wanted to talk I think - if you want to share something as well, don't be shy Thank you for reading this. I am not used of sharing so many things with watchers but.. well let's see how it will work

I am also planing to share how my process of PTSD healing is going, will draw comics even then

Также можете рассказать как вы решаете проблему с инсулином 👀

[larmegliamori]

Zexal Month, Week 3 day 4: K for Kattobingu!

The first time I've watched Zexal was when it first aired in Italy, back when I was 13. Now I'm 25, and despite my growing duties, I'm still here.

If there's something I'm grateful to Zexal for, that would be the wonderful community it has created around it. The Italian Zexal fandom was really brewing with creativity back in the heydays, and when I joined I had a very warm welcome. Some of those friends have kept in touch, most have gone their own ways, but I'll forever be grateful for all the moments they have filled with their warmth and words.

The international fandom has given me wonderful friends as well, like @devilchiara and the ever-creative @scattered-irises, who's been a delightful companion in rants and ideas ever since 2018. Thank you for your friendship, from the bottom of my heart.

Last but not least, this is my third year as a mod for Zexal Month, and it always amazes me to see how creative fans can get! You all really are a volcano of ideas and it's so fun to witness them all!

Zexal has also made me develop as an artist. You see, I used to write a lot the during my high school years, and I've written quite a number of fic, including a long one which featured one of my very first OC. Looking back now, the OCs needs a redesign and the story is very amateurish, but I can't deny I had a lot of fun writing. I've also drawn quite a lot for this fandom, and it goes without saying that my fanarts have evolved with me.

To summarize, the fandom of Zexal has created lot of happy memories for me, and I'll always cherish it❣️

[little-red-fool]

Ok, have some basic wf tips with some questions regarding socialization at the bottom:

-Best early game warframes are Rhino and literally every Warframe you can get from the Tenno Lab of a Clan Dojo. You can check guides to see how each frame is built, but i can also give you an overview directly if any warframe specifically catches your eye.

-Level up your damage mods and elemental damage mods. They will get you through with your weapons.

-Each weapon has either a higher crit chance or a higher status chance. Build either a full crit build for a weapon or a status build with elemental mods (best are viral, corrosive against grineer, heat and slash) depending on which stat is higher for your weapon. (Btw, you normally get weapons by buying their blueprints from the market for credits, yes for credits not plat, then building it wih the right materials. Same for Warframes, but you need to craft their components first which drop from their own places before you can craft the blueprint for the warframe itself)

-Experiment, get slots from Nightwave or by buying them with plat (if you still have starter plat remaining), and stick with weapons you enjoy using the most rather than whats meta or good. You can get an Mk-1 strun (a very bad weapon for all but the very early game) to kill level 100+ enemies, so meta is a suggestion. (Also, theres a set of mk-1 weapons you can buy for credits which are slightly worse versions of the same weapon without the mk-1 prefix. They serve as intro weapons and consider buying them, but remember to sell them if you need slots/get their base counterpart or a better weapon)

-Progress through the starchart at your own pace. All Warframe content since 2022 and probably forever will be locked behind the New War quest. Do not fret over this, Warframe is not made to be rushed. Play at your pace, everything can be earned.

-Prime gear is not necessary to do good in Warframe, it is a bonus

-If youre confused by the story, thats normal

-if you ever get stuck, the wiki is your friend (but i am also available, being a veteran of the game)

So, yea, that should be all you need to know to get started. Now, onto questions regarfing your interaction with the community:

1. How much do you usually interact with other fandoms youre in?

2. Do you even wish to be a part of the Waframe fandom?

3. Do you prefer to stay at a distance or would you like to interact a bit more? (Asking cause if its the latter, I can offer to be your training wheels considering the sheer number of people in the warframe community im actively friends with).

Ok, thats about all of the questions i can think of right now, but heres one more thing:

Warframe is a game filled to the brim with customization and fashion. It is an oc creator's wet dream. So just saying, if you like making ocs like your blog suggest you do, you will not wanna miss out on the later content in Warframe, trust me. As a proud owner of a bunch of ocs made over the course of multiple years...I would know

Ahh thank you so much this will probably help me a lot! (genuinely had no clue what I was doing in game lmao) I’ll have a look into these when I next log on because I’ll most likely need to change and upgrade stuff like mods, and I’ll try to acquire more Warframes since Excalibur’s the only one I’ve got right now. Also you’re 100% right about the OCs when I saw the amount of customisation options I was so excited lol

In terms of interacting with fandoms whilst I’d like to be able to be more social in the future I’m mostly just a casual observer at the moment, the extent of my interaction is usually just drawing and reblogging fanart, occasionally coming up with theories if I’m really invested in the story but that’s about as much as I interact most of the time and I’ll probably be like that for a while longer knowing me.

That being said I really appreciate the offer and I’m very grateful for the help you’ve given me, thank you so much! :)

[trans-rite]

Last night your mods packed up our altar and brought it to our local anarchist infoshop and café for a beautiful TDOR event. A few dozen of us were squeezed inside the little venue for performances of music, poetry, and dance, and then we took the stage to lead the Rite.

[A photo of an altar set up on a round mirrored table. The altar cloth is a white and burgundy bandanna with images of sunflowers. On the altar are four small glass votive candle holders, each with an image of one of the Ancestor Helping Spirits, and one white pillar candle with a rainbow across the middle of it. There is also a clear glass vase containing white roses and baby’s breath, a blue goblet full of water, a small jar containing a mixture of glitter and ash, a few white and yellow silk daisies, a bottle of poppers, a shooter of lube, and a labradorite amulet. In the background, slightly blurred, are many potted plants.]

Alder started by explaining the origins of the Rite, and how it’s evolved over the years. (We agreed that they would do this part because it needed to be concise and that is one thing that I, Rocket, am not.) Then we spoke the prayer we developed last year for the new format of the rite.

[A close-up of a small glass votive candle holder with an image taken from the Devil card from the Lubanko Tarot, which we use to represent Agdistis. Next to the candle holder is a very small stone dick.]

After we shared the prayer, the group read the names of the family members we’ve lost in the last year. There were 391 names, read by ten community members, and after each reader finished, the crowd shouted “¡Presente!”

Over the course of the night, the entire group collaborated to write each name on a long scroll of paper.

[A scroll of paper stretching the length of a room, unrolled on the floor, with the names handwritten on it. At the end of the paper closest to the camera is a large blue triangle stamp bearing the words “Trans people belong here!” and the date. Many pairs of feet are visible on either side of the paper.]

After the reading of the names was complete, we returned to the microphone. Earlier in the day, the two of us had been talking about how we couldn’t know the names of the trans people killed in Gaza over the last month – over the last decades, really – and wanted to honor them as much as we could, so before we continued with our planned prayers I took the mic and called out, “AND ONE MORE TIME FOR ALL OUR FAMILY MEMBERS WHO WERE SUBJECTED TO A FINAL ACT OF VIOLENCE BY BEING ERASED IN DEATH AND BURIED UNDER THE WRONG IDENTITY AND DENIED THEIR RIGHT TO HAVE THEIR NAMES SPOKEN WITH LOVE INTO COMMUNITY, WE DON’T KNOW YOU BUT WE LOVE YOU, ¡PRESENTE!

AND ONE MORE TIME FOR THE UNCOUNTABLE FAMILY MEMBERS TAKEN FROM US BY THE MASS VIOLENCE, WAR, GENOCIDE, ETHNIC CLEANSING, AND CLIMATE CATASTROPHE BEING PERPETRATED ON ALL THE PEOPLES OF THE WORLD BY A SYSTEM WHICH WE MUST HONOR THEM BY DESTROYING, WE DON’T KNOW YOU BUT WE LOVE YOU, ¡¡PRESENTE!!”

Then we continued with our planned prayers, the Mourner’s Kaddish, the Manifesto of the Order of Charonaea, and closed out with Assata’s Prayer, which we invited the crowd to call-and-response with us. I was heartened when speaking the Mourner’s Kaddish to hear that several people in the room were saying it along with me.

The evening closed out with a Theater of the Oppressed style embodied grieving and hoping exercise, and finally an open invitation to collaboratively bang on the biggest drum any of us had ever seen.

I think the Rite was received well, and we got a lot of really loving and grateful feedback that made us both feel like the Rite has come to a place where it’s both effective and accessible to people at any level of experience, which is what we were hoping. We’re grateful to the organizers for squeezing us in at the last minute and trusting us to bring some weird stuff, grateful to all of you for journeying with us this year, for sending us your asks and your altar photos to let us know that we’re together, and as always, grateful to the Ancestor Helping Spirits for being present with us in the work, speaking to us before, during, and after, having their hands on our shoulders, and welcoming the dead with celebration and love.

May they rest in power. May their memory be a blessing. May they never thirst.

[A photo of an altar set up in a dim room. The altar contains lit candles, art, and offerings, including a piece of slate bearing the Manifesto of the Order of Charonaea in decoupaged magazine cut out letters.]

-- Mod rocket

[smoshidiot]

sorry in advance if this is rambly or doesn't make sense. it's 3am and i just have a stupid amount of love for smosh in my heart rn and i wanted to make a lil appreciation post 💕

first off i wanna say: happy birthday smosh! i can't believe this silly youtube channel is already 18 years old. it's hard to exactly describe how much smosh means to me. i discovered the channel nearly 10 years ago (my anniversary is on the 25th!) and even at the times in my life when i wasn't actively watching smosh, they always had such a special place in my heart. ian and anthony have always been able to make me laugh in a way that other channels have never really been able to, and it has been such an absolute delight to see them working together again.

ever since june 20th my life has really been centered around smosh and it's been amazing. if you told me a year ago that this is what my life would look like i never would've believed you. i am so unbelievably grateful for all of the joy, laughter, and opportunities smosh has brought me since anthony's return. i wanna say how happy i am that smoshblr exists and was so welcoming as soon as i made my blog. i honestly don't know if i would've stuck with smosh so strongly if i didn't have this great community to chat with and rediscover my love of this channel with.

and then of course, smoshblr and my friends here led me to joining the smoshcord which has been my absolute home these past few months. i have made so many incredible friends on that server and i wouldn't trade it for the world. all of the neighbors mean sm to me and i absolutely cannot wait to meet a bunch of them at vidcon 2024. also! i am still so honored that erica from the team over at smosh chose me (as well as a few other amazing ppl!) as a community mod for smoshcord. it feels so amazing to be able to give back to the smosh community, for how much it has given me over the years. and just to be recognized by smosh as a respected member of the community means the absolute world to me.

along those lines, while i'm being sappy i think i'm allowed to be a lil selfish and say ?? holy shit if you told 12 year old me that i would go on to have regular conversations with anthony padilla i would tell you you're absolutely insane. it has been such an absolute wild ride but it's so fucking cool that ian and anthony (ok mostly anthony but i think ian too bc of streams n stuff!) know who i am. i have an insane amount of love in my heart for these boys and it's so nice to interact with them on a slightly more personal level. it still feels like an absolute dream to even see them sit next to each other, let alone sit next to each other while saying my name.

but anyways i just want to say thank you smosh. thank you for all of the love and laughter and hope you have given me. you've shown me that friendship DOES truly always win. i am so fucking proud of these boys for mending their relationship and coming through such a hard time to create something genuinely beautiful.

anyways i wanna shoutout @smoshmonker @squig-s @yourinterestisnotcringe @lilac-hecox @kubabamia @only-frann for being just so lovely and fun to talk smosh with ♡ i am so grateful i met you all and that smosh brought us together like this! (sorry if there's any other neighborhood friends that i simply forgot the tumblr urls for ilyy)

[yooniesim]

tw: death mention, cancer mention, oversharing, long-winded self-reflection, far too many paragraphs

The strides I have made with my temper in the past year... real talk... I'm proud. It's been hard to manage myself and keep from popping off but I've been making a lot of progress removing myself from situations that get me heated, irl or online, and I'm happy about that. It doesn't remove my feelings or the damage I've caused with my anger in the past but I feel like I'm making real progress. Even though my depression and overall mental health varies, I feel like temper wise I'm in a lot better place than I was a year ago. I've been staying away from people irl that fed into my anger by being neglectful or abusive to me, and tried my best to work on my own actions at the same time.

I'm also proud of where I'm at with my blog comparatively. I've been working hard to focus on the good things and what makes me and others happy, rather than falling into a pit of negativity. I feel like I can still express myself from time to time, while also being better able to know what is appropriate to say and when. Idk if this is just especially ND of me but I feel as if I had the belief that as long as I felt whatever I was saying was the truth, it was appropriate, and that the negativity wouldn't get to me if I stayed by that metric always. But that isn't always the case, and i'm getting better at evaluating that. At realizing that, even with good intentions, getting wrapped up in all the issues of the world and all the negative discussions can be almost a form of self-harm.

Not many people know about this, but the trauma i experienced during the pandemic really affected me and changed me a lot. If you're a long time follower comparing how I was pre-2020 and after, it probably feels like I changed completely as a person, because I did. I don't speak about it a lot, especially now that it feels like the entire world has... moved on, but. Being a healthcare worker then felt like seeing your own slice of hell. Seeing that much death firsthand and being so afraid every single day, being confronted with your own mortality and that of your loved ones, it's extremely difficult. Especially since I lost a very close relative to a drawn out battle with cancer, who I was a caregiver to, as well. Between that and finally being medicated for the first time in my life, i became numb, and at the same time, I became angry. Angry at every little injustice that crossed my path. I wanted to fix something, anything- even in a silly little community for a silly little sims game. I thought, maybe, shining a light on things I saw that were wrong- scamming, doxxing, bigotry- might help. I broke myself apart trying to do that. And... for what, really? I accomplished nothing. And to this day still deal with people that boil me down to just... a hater, I guess. Too annoying for their personal tastes. As if that alone justifies some of the truly vile things that have been said and done to me, publicly and privately. That continue over a year after the fact. Even now it's difficult to think about sometimes.

I've made many mistakes here. Being an inexperienced and flat out incompetent server owner, to start. But with that, too, I've made progress. I'm so grateful for the mod team I have in Sutopia now. For the loving community that's risen from the ashes of what was once an overly negative space. For me getting a handle on my own love of petty gossip, a fatal flaw. For me learning how to ban instigating and toxic parties instead of naively giving them the benefit of the doubt. I still struggle- because as much as people might think I'm harsh, seeing as I try to put up that front as much as possible, I'm actually far too forgiving to the point of stupidity at times. I've been paralyzed by indecision in the past, not wanting to hurt anyone by mistake with the wrong call, and wound up hurting everyone involved with my inaction instead. But I know now that I have a more experienced team beside me that helps so much with these decisions and ensuring a safe place for everyone. And that's taken a weight off of me for sure.

Occasionally, still, the anger gets to me. I see someone that I know for a fact has scammed someone, or hurt someone, or flat out lied, or harassed me in anons or said something racist about me in private that they have no idea I know about- and they're just continuing on, getting love and adoration over their sims or cc or something, and it gets to me. I want to post, I want to blast everything on here and say, look! They're not what you think! Look what they did! Look who they really are! But then I breathe, and I think. Would it really help? Would it really do anything? Would I be opening myself up to be attacked and hurt for nothing? And I come to the humbling conclusion that it's not worth it. Not worth it for them to come back in a month with a new name and all their friends welcome them back like nothing happened and so simblr continues on as it always has. And I'm just a "hater" that's probably jealous of how many friends they have or how much money they make whatever other egotistical explanation they'd spout after everyone inevitably forgot what really happened. Occasionally, it makes me feel a little sick.

But, I breathe through it. I'm getting better at that. Sometimes I write something long out in the drafts- like I'm doing now- and delete it right away instead of posting it. It helps. Even though sometimes I feel guilty. I think about the anons I used to get, the people saying they were too scared to call out certain creators for certain actions because of how big they were and how much hate their followers would send, I think about the asks I still have in my inbox of screenshots and proof. About how sometimes people would thank me for saying things they couldn't bring themselves to. That I was the only person doing it. The only person who wasn't afraid. Even though I was only "unafraid" because I could barely feel anything at the time. And I don't even have that "advantage" anymore. But it weighs on me thinking that I should be trying to help them still. But how can I help anybody? I'm biased, too. I make mistakes. I've made so many mistakes. What gives me the right to say anything? Being put on that pedestal and having that responsibility on my shoulders- stupid as it was from the bigger perspective of life- hurt me, too. Because no one has the right takes every time, and having the wrong one on occasion doesn't automatically make you a terrible person. But it's extremely difficult for people on the internet to understand that. Sometimes I feel used when I remember those times. Chewed up and spat out, once the flavor wore off. And violated, not by the anons or anyone that disliked me, but by people I thought were friends. That's always the worst part to think about.

.....Until I decide it's time to leave, anyway. Then you're all going down.

It's better not to expose myself, or others, to that again. Is that growth? I don't know. I still struggle with so many emotions. The anger, and the guilt. Regret and sadness. But then, I've also felt so much joy from here, too. When I talk to people in the server, when I help people here with their cc projects/requests, when I read people's stories, when I talk to nice anons. I still love talking to anons so much, and want to have in-depth, rambling discussions with them again! I love to laugh with my mutuals and share our silly little sims together. And, god, sometimes I feel relief. Like, there's nothing for me to prove, no one for me to impress. I can do whatever I want and not worry, because well- so what if I get blocked? Or talked about? Like what else is new lol. I don't need to focus on the community. I just need to focus on me, my posts, my mutuals I already know are kind people. It's a freeing feeling. And it makes continuing to express myself here worth it. I want to concentrate on that. The positivity, the love. The creativity. The people here that warm my heart with their kindness. So I think, as we continue into December and into the New Year, and every year I'm here beyond that, that's what I'll do. Continue to grow, and share the love.

[vox-multimedia]

(a message for the mod, if you need it :D)

i am so sorry if i manage to bother you with this ask, mod. it's completely fine if you don't answer this. and i know that my words can't really do or worth much to anyone who happens to be on the other side of the screen, but that doesn't stop me from spreading the positivity and appreciation that i feel to all of the RP blogs, so i'll send this in, mod :D. there could be a better way of doing this, which i have learned is through the art of tagging (yes i'm slowly learning my way through Tumblr because i, myself, am still a huge Tumblr newbie, lol), and i'm too nervous and shy to do something like that haha, so here's a personalized positivity ask in your ask box :D.

i love seeing how your Vox interact with everyone (anon or not). even if they happen to slightly be different, i still like it because it was made by you. because you added your own twists and spin to his character :D. interacting have really been a blast and i'm sure everyone have fun with your characterization of Vox. seeing new posts from you brings a smile to my face because i just love it so much.

i do hope that those anons/people would stop sending everyone hate because frankly those people have no clue what they're talking about >:(. again, sorry i'm bothering you with this rather man, i didn't expect it to be this long ask.

and that i hope that you have a wonderful day/night/whenever you manage to read this ask. don't feel the need to respond if you don't want to, just wanted to send this positivity ask in :D.

you might be able to tell who this is, but in case you don't, i wouldn't want to expose myself, so i hope you understand this being on an account with literally nothing but a tracker of who i've been to already (yes, i made an account just to do this but without any identifiable information on this account :P).

luv you and all that you do for this community :D.

you do what you do best so keep on doing it, mod :3.

-spreading positivity anon :D (the anon that only interacts with mods unless the characters are in need to raising their spirit :3)

(yes i see the contradictory notion of me having this sign off, lol, but i'll be around the other RP blogs and try to spread some positivity with the same sign-off as an attempt to fight off the unnecessary hate that seems to be thrown around :D. and i will become a virus which spreads positivity if i need to >:3. don't test me on this claim. i have enough positivity for everyone >:3.)

Oh my.. Thank you SO much for this, I don't know when it was sent, and I'm so so so sorry that I did not see this sooner, I genuinely am so grateful for this and it really brignted my mood, you really don't know how bad I needed this right now. I have been super unactive on tumbler and I haven't posted on this blog for over 6 months, but I was just taking a look through my inbox and saw this. I clicked immediately to respond and I feel super bad for not seeing it for so long.

I am genuinely so thankful for this and I want you to know your efforts have NOT gone unnoticed, you took time out of your life and out of your day to write all that for me and I am so thankful.

My life has been very hectic and a lot of things have happened over the last 6 months, if I'm being honest I have been in a pretty bad place but this means so much to me and I want you to know how much this really impacted me.

I wish I had seen this as soon as it was sent and I want to apologize to not only you but all my followers for being so inactive. I'm also sorry to all the others that have asks in my inbox that where not answered!

Anyways, Thank you for your support and you have my utmost gratitude. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[faevyn]

Birthday Reflecting

It's funny to me how we're all looking for a new social media site to go on whern Tumblr is still here, but I guess there's issues with everywhere so... yeah lol.

Yesterday was my birthday and I've had an emotional hell of a few months, almost two years, so it's hard to look forward to something. In truth I was dreading yesterday's stream because I didn't feel like I deserved to have a good time in a way. So much so I waited until nearly the last possible second to seup the goals, incentives, and was even asleep until 10 minutes before stream.

At the end of the day it was a good day. Started out hanging with friends in Discord as usual and it was nice to vibe here and there as people were able. Took a nap as I mentioned. Then went and streamed from 6-9pm which was the planned timeframe from the get go. Violet raided with the Nerd Camp and it was nice seeing a lot of familiar faces (most I saw probably a couple hours beforehand when I was modding lol).

A bunch of gifted subs happened and we ended up at 40? subs by the end of stream. It was truly wild and overwhelming to a degree but in a good way. My friends surpsied me with a BUNCH of stuff including an air humidifier (I've had a chronic nosebleed for a bit so this is gunna help), donated the rest of the funds to get the new mic I've been eying, and the accessories to go with it, and an isopod plush! After stream the friends kept hanging out, we did mount runs, and Cupcakke gifted me the Smoldering Ember Wyrm they got from the Karazhan run we did. I was also given half the cost for a new vtuber model so stayed tuned for that fun surprise.

I knew it was going to happen at some point, but I did have a good cry because missing Tisby hit real hard. She's missed her birthday, meeting her new sister, Cupcakke's birthday, and now my birthday and the colder months are coming and we have no idea if she's galavanting around or someone has taken her in or what. There's really nothing in the world I want more than to have her home.

It was nice to hit the mic goal, accessories included, because working a contact job knowing at the end of the year that goes away is terrifying and while I can get some things it's difficult to justify larger spending. I even feel a little guilty when that's spent on me and not by me.

So today, with a slice of ice cream cake and chocolate cannolis filling my tummy and my mind a ... little clearer than it was, I can be grateful to have such loving friends and a loving fiancé who worked hard to make sure I had a special day.

I have a lot to think about in general when it comes to streaming, the content I want to make now with WoW being my current focus (and ongoing for the forseeable future), and what I want to keep up with in terms of vibe and branding. It feels like every couple of years I shed a layer and then let a new outer shell grow when it comes to the brand and I hope it resonates each time with my community as much as it does for me when all's said and done.

So thank you all who made yesterday special, know I love you so much for everything you did, and to those reading this just keep a little light glowing in your brain for me today even if it seems difficult to keep it going.

[sh4tt3rg1rl]

TAOCC IS AMAZING, and boy has it changed since I first showed up

Aka: Elsie gets really sentimental for once

I’m gonna be honest, this is not the community I expected to end up in on this site. I joined Tumblr about October 29th and expected to end up as maaaaaybe a minor artist. At best. At the time TADC was just “that glitch thing that was blowing up that I thought was pretty good” and I was much more into murder drones anyways.

…Holy crabs, looking back on that…I had no idea what I was gonna end up getting into lol

I randomly followed the @/ragatha1 ask blog at one point, kind of confused as to what an ask blog was but hey, why not? That’s how I found Soup’s gangle blog and boy did things go off the rails. I was…so confused, I showed up smack dab in the middle of the Tiger insanity with no idea who any of these characters or people were. At that point iirc, “TAOCC” wasn’t even the name for the whole thing yet. I made Easton and was like “okay I’ll just have this goofy guy who likes sandwiches, no angst here, maybe he’ll make some friends, I really hope everyone likes him!”

BOY WAS I IN FOR A SURPRISE

I joined my first ever magma at that point as well! And I vividly remember being really confused but just doodling my sona in the corner and then people were like

“Uhhhh who the frick is Elsewhere I like your art :D”

and I was like

“Um

you what”

and thus I joined magma…a lot. Lol. That’s how I got to know soup and you (Xeya) and a few others. I felt so…weirdly new. Like impostor syndrome was in full force. That feeling hasn’t…really ever gone away, tbh.

And since then I’ve figured myself out mostly with only a few embarrassments to my name. I’m really grateful for the people I’ve made friends with, especially Fei, Star, Soup, and Xeya, as well as Kumo and Candy mods. You guys have been lovely to me, and I don’t know how I ever came to deserve that. It’s been rough at times, and I had to/still have to figure out boundaries and how to be assertive basically from scratch. This website still hurts me sometimes, and I accept that I’m a bit odd in some respects. But overall, people have respected that here much more than they do in my actual life. People have respected me here more than they tend to in real life. Before this I could share my writing and art with one person. One. I would go stir-crazy because I would make art and writing and never get to show anyone, which meant I just…spent like an entire year not doing anything. It sucked. And now I will just,..make art and characters for the funsies, and not get scolded for it. I can write incredibly florid descriptions and scenes about stuff like a freaking TOWN’S DESCRIPTION, and people will like it and tell me I’m good at this. I honestly might consider becoming a writer now when I become an adult. I learned that I can be shamelessly self indulgent when writing and people will enjoy it lol. Thank you guys for dealing with that btw lol. I will just MAKE CHARACTERS FOR PEOPLE FOR THE FUNSIES, a willingness I thought I’d all but lost. Like, I saw a 3d printer in my chem class two days ago and went “hmmm yunno what I could give a character in TAOCC a 3d printer for a head and that’d be so cool! Yunno, maybe Xeya would like it if I made that for her.” AND HERE WE ARE I’M CURRENTLY MAKING YOU A CHARACTER WITH A 3D PRINTER FOR A HEAD.

Also, you guys have no idea how grateful I am that you go along with my giant overarching plotlines. Like, my first test of the idea was Dusk’s domain and Sun’s trip to see Northeast, and then I was confident enough that people would care that I made the entire Lull/dungeon thing. The dungeon has been my magnum opus of writing, I put more work into that than almost anything else I’ve ever written. And people actually…respected that. I’m terrible at writing fight scenes, and yet I carried a fight scene for multiple hours with like…20 characters! I DIDN’T THINK I COULD HAVE TWO CHARACTERS FIGHT AND MAKE IT WORK AT ALL! OH MY LANDS I HAVE ACTUAL SELF CONFIDENCE NOW!! AAAAAAAAA-

anyways, that aside lol

it’s been wonderful, really. I feel like the pros far outweigh the cons for me, and the cons for me can be mitigated anyways entirely on my side of things lol. I came to this site looking for a community of people who would appreciate me, stupid flaws, autism, anxiety, writing and all. And I think I got that. And I want to find more, I want to keep going beyond this little bubble, but I want to always come back to this little circle of people. I don’t care how many rps or writing messes I end up in, TAOCC is always going to have a special place in my heart, flaws and all. It’s helped me get through some serious mess in my life, and being excited to come home to whatever insanity these lil guys are up to today makes me happy like almost nothing else.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Thank you for letting this odd moth in, I hope I’ve earned it.

HELL YEAH YOUVE EARNED IT!!!

You've been literally one of the kindest people I've met on the site. One of the most talented too! I've never seen someone write like you and. Honestly. Genuinely. I look up to you in quite a few aspects.

You're funny, kind, caring, skilled, and a great person overall. and im SO FUCKING GLAD YOURE MY FRIEND EEEEE HUGS SPINS YOUUUU

... (kicks feet) and I heard something about a 3d printer head oc youre making for me.... (teary eyed) (/pos) (me when people do things for me. i love yall. sm. love you elsie sm sM SM SM SM SM!!!)

[jasonntodd]

Hi, I'm sorry if you've addressed this somewhere already but what happened to your Mass Effect mods on Nexusmods? I was just about to download your practical bodies mod when I noticed they were hidden. Just wondering if you hide them while you update or if you were overhauling your mod pages? I adore your mods for ME3 :]

hi! i’m flattered and thank you for liking my mods. i’ll use your ask as an announcement for those who are following me for mass effect modding - i hope that’s okay.

thank you to everyone who has supported and downloaded my mods these past few months. i’m forever grateful for the support, even though there were definitely moments that made me extremely sad and upset due to the hateful and misogynistic/homophobic/transphobic comments i would receive on my mods. while not the reason for my hiatus, i have to say, who knew buff women would trigger so many people? it certainly hasn’t helped getting the amount of hate these past few months. but modding definitely helped me (or at the very least, distracted me) during the last couple of months which have been extremely rough for me mentally, so i’m grateful to have discovered it and through it, the amazing community.

however, due to reasons i’m going to be taking an impromptu hiatus for a little because im feeling pretty conflicted due to it. i know this is sudden but i’ll still be active on my tumblr like always and my ao3 for those who follow me for my stories, so you guys can send me asks and whatnot and i’ll answer. if you’ve followed me for a little, you’ll know i love to just shitpost and reblog things and tumblr has been a safe space for me for a very long time - but i’m taking all of my mods off nexus bc i’m not comfortable with keeping them up for the time being. some things have happened behind the scenes and i personally don’t want to keep them up right now because it’s upsetting - i know i posted some WIPS over the past few days and they were exactly that, but due to said issues that just happened those will have to remain in limbo as i figure some things out.

things might change of course and i may bring the mods back sooner rather than later, depending fully on how i’m feeling at the moment, but until i’m comfortable enough to do so, they’ll remain hidden. i really do apologize for the inconvenience. if you want the mod, i have no problems sending it to you if you message me off anon. this also goes for anyone else as well!

thanks always for your support; it definitely meant the world to me.

[elderwisp]

Get to Know Me - Sims Edition

I was tagged by @happy-lemon Thank you very much this was a lot of fun :D

What’s your favorite Sims death?

- There was this one time I had a sim stargazing and completely out of a blue, a freaking meteor fell on them. I think this was TS2 but it was so random and honestly kinda hilarious so it’s my fave

Alpha CC or MaxisMatch?

- For TS2, I am a maxis match kinda gal. For TS3, I love alpha CC a bunch but clothing-wise, I like a mixture of the two. For TS4, it’s more a maxis mix but leaning heavily towards the maxis match. I guess I’m very open-minded to it all

Do you cheat your sims weight?

- Hecks nah

Do you move objects?

- All the time ALL THE TIME

Favorite Mod?

- Da pose player. Grateful 4 u everyday 

First Expansion/Game Pack/Stuff Pack?

- The Sim’s 2 Castaways. Mucho fun, I think I’ve played the campaign a solid 20-30 times

Do you pronounce live mode like aLIVE or LIVing

- NO WAIT this is news to me I literally am just like live mode I didn’t know that there was like an actual phrase

Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made?

- AHHHH ah this is so hard but I have to pick to OK hear me out but Frances and Atlas are near and dear to my heart. It’s funny because they were apart of a RP but they’ve been around since 2015 (y’all wanna see a pic? it’s so bad). I feel like there’s just a lot of history there and it’s so cool to see an idea just flourish from there and they just kinda stick with you for a good while. I also love Icarus and Taryn to death but like the deep and endearing kinda love has to go to Frances and Atlas

Have you made a simself?

- yis

Which is your favorite EA hair color?

- I like black hair a whole bunch 

Favorite EA hair?

- The short, choppy hair from Cottage Living or even the pixie from Get to Work! I love short hair

Favorite life stage?

- Teen! Especially in TS2, I feel like because of the extensive world building and all of the drama, it just makes it super enjoyable!

Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?

- Gameplay! I do like to decorate, but I’m not much of a builder

Are you a CC creator?

- I know how to make poses and some recolors but that’s just about it ;3; I also know how to skinblend in TS3 B) Sorta B)

Do you have any Simblr friends or a Sim Squad?

- No, there’s one person I still keep in touch with back when I was more active in the community but she no longer has a simblr. I would however like to branch out when I idk learn how to talk to ppl 💀

Do you have any sims merch?

- HAH no

Do you have a YouTube for sims?

- HAHAHAH hah that’s literally how I got into posting the sims. I uploaded three seasons of a sim story as well as some machinimas ;___; I took it down tho because while I was very proud of doing something from start to finish, it is a lil cheesy

How has your “Sims style” changed throughout your years of playing?

- I feel like in the very beginning, it was very minimal. Like I did not know how to push my game. Now I feel like it’s a lot more authentic to me. I’m not gonna lie, I have a lot of fun prepping any posts, I feel like I don’t have to think as much. It also helps that there’s an arsenal of really sick CC at my disposal

What’s your origin id?

- Elderwisp :)

Who’s your favorite CC creator?

- I really like sunivva hairs or everything by sforzcc for TS4. Pralinesims is carrying the whole accessories and makeup team for both games. For TS3, rollo-rolls or even pocci and milla. ATS3/4 is really awesome too omg ok I’ll stop

How long have you had simblr?

- I’ve had this blog for six years but I had a blog prior to this since freshman year of high school (maybe earlier) but I deleted it because this person I knew, found out about it and started like pressuring me to show others and I was so freaking uncomfy 💀 Dawg she forced me to make her a simself ANYWAYS so prolly like ten years

How do you edit your pictures?

- It’s kinda simple, especially now that I have been learning how to utilize reshade. However, I like to add texture to my photos, maybe a transparent film border. I also like to add in shadows and highlights. Sometimes I’ll add soft/hard light or linear/color dodge. After that, I mess with the curves or exposure of a picture before finally sharpening and exporting the photo

I am now realizing this is a lot 😂

What expansion/ gamepack is your favorite?

- SIMS. 3. LATE. NIGHT. Bridgeport is EVERYTHING I love city worlds! 

I'm tagging @raiiny-bay @pleaseputnamehere @percosim​ and honestly anyone else my brain hurt

Bonus content: Prehistoric Atlas jumpscare below

[rpcdocs]

With this all exploding I really want to put this on somewhere that people can see it; (sectioning it bc wow I really do type too much and I'm so so sorry for that) AWARENESS ---- Hello - I was a member of JCC staff. I had absolutely no clue what was going on until the JCC was closing and everyone was dipping out. The server had been put into lock down for almost an hour before I was even aware of that happening.

In absolutely no way do I condone the dismissive reaction held by the administration of the JCC and had I been aware prior to all of this I would've made it clear that this is not something to ignore or dismiss.

I also have been messaged by other staff members asking what happened bc I popped into staff chat going "uhmmm?" to receive a very lacking message regarding only the closure of the server and not what actually had transpired. I had messaged a member who had tagged all JCC staff in a (rightfully) upset message to ask the member what happened after deleting the message in my confusion, and that's how I got any details in the first place as I very rarely use tumblr and almost never look at gossip blogs unless something is linked to me directly.

Please, PLEASE, do not lump all of the moderators into this purely for being on the JCC staff list. I'm finding I am not the only JCC moderator who was unaware of the situation and in pure disagreement with the course of action taken. From what I can gather with who I have spoken to, the majority of us only starting to find out and are certainly not in agreement.

APPOLOGY ---- I do also want to apologize sincerely for my lack of activity in the server which caused me to miss something so drastic in the first place. The JCC is most definitely better off being closed when I consider how many moderators there were and how few of us were capable of making the time to look and see what was going.

Ultimately, I, and the others, didn't even have a chance to weigh input before everything had tipped over. The first message in mod chat regarding any of this was me after being tagged by the upset message, asking "uhhmmm?"

All it would've taken is for one of us to tag each other in the mod chat before it escalated for any one of us to say "wait a minute, this really isn't okay." Ultimately us having to say anything about it in the first place tells me the JCC needed to close regardless, but that doesn't change the fact we could've had a better impact.

I appreciate anyone who's taken the moment to say "not your fault" and all, but I sincerely hadn't even opened the server in close to 2 months due to personal reason. The administration did make the decision, of course, but I do still feel it is important to acknowledge I wasn't there when it counted & to let you guys know that I'm sorry about it.

LAST LITTLE NOTE ---- This big mess is definitely a reminder to me that any moderation in a resource for this community isn't something that should be taken lightly. Even though this is a hobby, it's also a full blown community with literal thousands of users relying on the staff of resources to treat that seriously.

I'm grateful that the resources I am seeing outside of the JCC have treated this situation the way it should've been, and I definitely want to recognize that.

We as resources aren't the RP police, but we are often the first line of communication for members to sites & other writers. That comes with taking the most basic steps in protecting said members from predatory content such as what has been displayed.

At a certain point, the scope of involvement doesn't matter - and as a parent I'd say that stands way before it get's to the point it did. Attempting to hide behind that scope to protect friends from the consequences of their actions - especially something of this level - is entirely unacceptable. BIG THANK YOU IF ANYONE ACTUALLY READS ALL OF THAT IM SORRY THAT I TYPE SO MUCH T.T & I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a lot more thoughts. If anyone has questions for me, my discord DMs are open just please understand I work weird hours and may not reply right away.

👀

[isabellehemlock]

Sabbatical Reflections

For those who might have been around last summer, I shared that I was going on a personal sabbatical last year, and I wanted to share that it officially ended on Sunday.  I’ve spent quite a bit of time, especially in the last few weeks, in an introspective state as I contemplated a few statements: 

What did I learn?  How did I grow?

What did I shed?  What did I pick up?

What do I want to apply to irl, and/or fandom spaces moving forward?

And then in the last week I really hunkered down, typing out paragraphs after paragraphs, starting over no less than four times and even including quotes and graphics as I tried to piece together what I really wanted to convey to both loved ones and friends (I can’t even make this up: that doc is legit, 4.6k words holy heck) okrrr . . . so highlights:

But also quick trigger warnings for anyone reading: I can appreciate grief is a sensitive subject, and I promise no big details, outside of like “matter-of-fact” references to cause of death (but no descriptions, names, ages, etc), but yes, there are several references to loss in this post, as well as references to religion (vague) and medical conditions (again, vague).  Just wanted to provide a heads up, in case anyone would like to skip.

I shed forty hours a month of community volunteer work last fall.  Some roles I had picked up years and years ago, before various chronic health issues got worse, and new diagnosis’ were given to several family members.  One role, for example, was supposed to be annual, and I had been doing it for five years, so I was definitely overdue for a break and I was grateful that everyone was very understanding with worsening health issues that it sadly just wasn’t going to be an option for me in the foreseeable future to do scheduled, physical, activities on any kind of consistent basis.

Which meant I now had more free time to spend quality family time, as well as a more balanced half and half routine navigating the (now on average) 25 medical appointments a month our family has, with several creative outlets, and family time (yay!)

Made final promises in August, as a Lay Dominican after four and a half years of study (my religious name in the order is St. Mary Magdalene <3) 

Unfortunately a month into the sabbatical, we learned my mother needs a transplant - we did testing in January, and are getting a second opinion next week! (Feel free to send prayers!)

I opened up a small server space for myself and friends (it’s my happy place).

Joined a few fandom events that have been going well, and just adore helping bring someone's vision to life, and bonus if it's raising money for charity!

Saw my art in print for the very first time by getting to co-organize the @lmzine

Bought my first fandom merch!

Launched the @iwtvbigbang and am so grateful for a lovely mod team, and wonderful, creative participants ✨️

Made my first fandom merch sales (yes, plural!)

But also on an emotionally heavy note: in January, there was a criminal trial (more on that below), and a custody hearing trial in February (also more on that below) for our extended family.

And all in all, about a month’ worth of illness’, colds and viruses when you stack them all together over the months.

Some relationships shifted and I had a better understanding about myself and the lessons I learned along the way.

Though I’ll talk about it more in a week, I hope to expand my art even more this year, but details to follow 😎

So basically, NO BORING moments, that’s for sure! 😅

Okay but what did I take away from all this?  What did I learn, and want to apply to my future?

I know I have been very intentional when it comes to my relationships.  And what I mean by that is to essentially not do anything half assed lol.  I jump in, and want to treasure what I have in front of me while it’s there - I feel the impermanence of time on a deep, core level, and that’s because of both my own chronic health issues, as well as several losses.  Time is a gift.  

For example - summer, especially August is a hard time in our household, because of several grief anniversaries: 

August 2003 - my father had his TBI

August 2010 - a friend from high school got in a car accident, was in a coma for several months before passing away

August 2011 - a family member died by suicide

August 2011 - though we wouldn’t know it until September, our first baby died during the first trimester

July 2018 - a family member was murdered - the killer accepted, then refuted several plea deals, and his trial was this January, he received 45 years.  This family member’s child has been living with his grandparents ever since, and officially, permanent custody has been transferred to them as of February, much to everyone’s joy.

And that’s just the grief aspect, that’s not even going into other kinds of personal trauma - oof.  But hopefully that helps provide some context as to why I really, really, really like to convey how I feel about people while I have them in front of me.  I mean it sincerely, but can appreciate if some might be weary and wonder if it’s love bombing :p  Nah - I just value it while I got it, and try to show my appreciation while I can <3

I have a lot of love to give, and I want to ensure that the people I care about know it, too, regardless of how short or long we are in each other’s lives.  We don’t own one another, we aren’t guaranteed tomorrow, and hey, if the vibes don’t match, that’s alright - life’s too short!  Aging is a privilege we don’t all get!  Let’s make the most of it with the people we do vibe with, who bring us joy in their own unique ways.  No one person can be the person for us, and in a way, that’s because we have to stop treating each other like we need each other to be complete.  

You are a complete and wonderful soul all on your own - the people in your life should be the ones who want you in theirs, who you want in yours, because of joy and happiness and fun and good times and compassion and empathy and authenticity and vulnerability.  I hope you find the people who root for you and your individual growth, who encourage you along the way, and you do the same for them.

So what does this mean for me as I apply the word “intention” further down the line?

As I’ve shared, I’ve done fairly well with labeling my intentions right away, what I’m here for in online spaces - community and connection - what I enjoy (a sort of reverse DNI if you will lol) - core parts of myself (which isn’t to limit who I engage with, but to be honest and forthcoming, to spark that conversation and see if there’s overlap between us, if there’s things we both might enjoy as we move forward and explore friendships - I love meeting people I might not have otherwise met from all across the world, and am so grateful for them and their ability to help expand my perspectives).  And I can honestly say there’s a chunk of friends I’ve maintained years’ worth of friendships with where we haven’t read, reblogged, or commented on each other’s creations lol, or ones I talk to about irl stuff vs fandom, or ones where we enjoy events together, etc etc, it’s a big ol variety and I love that!

But as I shed things, as I carefully calculated my time and energy and reflected on how I spent it before my sabbatical and during, I realized I need to also apply that word “intention” to myself and my time and efforts.  Especially in situations where I come to learn someone doesn’t have the same intentions as I do.  It’s important for my own mental health not to outright dismiss the impact hurtful words and comments might have on me, but it’s equally important for me to embrace that I am worth more than spending my precious time and energy proving I am a good person to some people who have developed a derogatory narrative in their minds based on false assumptions.  I’m just going to keep on shining where I can, take it or leave it, but negative commentary (especially when I ask for clarification in a gentle, genuinely curious kind of way to encourage open dialogue, only to be met with dismissive, or even negative justifications) is the quickest way for me to be done.  

I don’t do subtext.  I don’t do name calling.  No longer asking for permission to exist in a public space with anyone (because that only implies it was up to someone else to decide where I am allowed to be in the first place).  Fuck that noise.  

Sure, in shared spaces, there’s pre-agreed upon rules - basic civility, kindness, and compromises made along the way like in any relationship to ensure not a single solitary vision pummels over decent people.  We all got our social contracts, and I’m just as accountable as the next person.  No one is above, or below, anyone else - equality for all, including myself.  It is not my role in life to be the emotional punching bag for anyone to learn how to practice communicating when they don’t know how to regulate their own emotions first.  Just because I have de-escalating training does not mean that I should have to apply it online, for free, in fandom spaces, meant to enrich my life in social and creative ways.      

I’m gonna herp derp in my corner, enjoying some crack humor, and PG level of chaos. 

I’m gonna draw everything from niche art, to NSFW art, to religious art.

I’m gonna encourage events where people from all over can gather together and root for each other’s creativity.  I'm gonna participate in ones where I help bring someone's vision to life in collaborative efforts that hopefully help someone feel seen and heard and brings joy.

I’m gonna do everything I can to participate, create, and nurture spaces where the weirdo besties assemble.  Where cringe culture is dead.  Where being different isn’t a justification for being othered, but in fact, something to cheer on.  

And that’s what I’ve learned in my sabbatical: that my intentions are deeper than I realized, and that my time and efforts are of value, too.  That I will continue to pour into the relationships where it is reciprocated to the best of the other person's ability.  I’m going to intentionally invest my time and energy into the people who want that out of their fandom spaces, too. 

But the rest?  The rest is just noise that was never meant for me in the first place.  Wish the stranger on the internet well, and move forward with the people who want to invest intentionally with me, too <3

For those who have helped me better understand this about myself along the way, thank you.