#and is in no place to make ethical judgements

[designernishiki]

oh baby I knew it from the fuckin moment the addc was introduced that there’s just no damn way they DIDNT have some legally sketchy shit going on with the alzheimers/dementia patients and unethical clinical trials. I feel so vindicated right now

[shorthaltsjester]

endlessly thinking thoughts about cr characters, morality, and selfishness (likely place for me to be, given that my day job includes endlessly researching ethics and meaning of life) but in light of bell’s hells most recent illustration of their insularity and individualism, I’ve been really like. Trying to unpack why I find it particularly egregious in this party when obviously mighty nein were notoriously self-interested, especially at the beginning, and when vox machina had quite a few moments where their horses were far higher than they had any reason to be. And again, I really want to make it clear her that I don’t hold self-interest or selfishness to be some abhorrent and unforgivable thing, in fact I think its incredibly normal especially given the context of main characters in a story told through game mechanics that flourish on the interest of the individuals making the choices. I’ve written before about how one of the throughlines that I’ve seen in laura’s pcs (since I’m someone who particularly enjoys looking at the moral outlooks characters develop) is a common thread of morality that’s highly dependent on their own interests. And like, this is a positive throughline to me! Without getting into my own views on morality, it is particularly compelling to me for characters with isolated upbringing (which applies to vex, jester, and imogen, each in different ways) to develop a moral code informed by that isolation, and in vex we see her moral code is ‘anything goes if it protects those I hold dear’, in jester we see a moral code that doesn’t care about morality as much as it cares about the chance to care and be cared for, and in imogen we see a moral code developed in response to her very unique experience of hearing the darkest parts of people and judging them on those (which to be clear, i am not judging her for that fact, I think it makes extreme sense for someone who hears the thoughts the people have to be horrified by those things, but it does mean her moral system is almost completely backwards, where intention holds more weight than action, which perhaps makes sense of the popularity of defending all of her ideas and choices and the Right Ones by certain parts of the fandom that insist leftism is hidden in the dnd real play). And that’s all to say that, out of the cr parties we’ve seen, I don’t think any single member of bell’s hells is uniquely more or less selfish or more or less of an asshole than previous characters. And in fact, I tend to be quite fond of selfish characters, I have a well documented history of cherishing them well beyond the cr fandom. But the point is that my calling something or someone self-interested is not a value judgement in this context, it's a descriptive claim about the traits a character exhibited.

Imogen, who has insisted time and time again re: the values of the accord that she would not be swayed by the temptation of predathos because she recognizes the importance of this fight, only to turn around and pretty immediately open herself up to predathos to fulfil the most threatening part of ludinus’ plan is self-interested. I cannot conceive of any other way to describe her choices. And her being self-interested doesn’t mean she can’t also be altruistic at times, but I will be clear that I don’t think her risking killing herself as she attempts to bring down the god-eater that she released is particularly selfless. In my best faith interpretation I’d say she’s pretty middle of the road in that choice. But I bring all this up because a comparison I’ve been seeing is that bell’s hells aren’t as mean as the mighty nein or even vox machina in certain moments and that it doesn’t make sense for the fandom to view bell’s hells as likely to be villains when the same wasn’t true of the previous two campaigns, and I think I have to pretty emphatically disagree, and not because I don’t think there aren’t moments in both campaigns that feature extremely high levels of assholery and villainry from pcs – I mean, some of my favourite cr characters are percy and jester, both of whom i’d say are ‘good guys’ due to the pure luck of the found familys they fell in with and both of whom often suggested plans that were. Not okay. To say the least. But ignoring the difference between suggesting fucked up plans and walking your god-eater infused bestie back towards the troops sent to support you in keeping that entity contained, the other big difference I’ve noticed in my own introspection on how I react to bh vs mn and vm, as well as which things i cherish about previous campaigns that were really missing from c3 to what I think is the story and the character’s detriment (staying away from the shape of the narrative, just because others have made posts that put words together better about that than I can) is that while members of vm and mn remained self-interest to the end of their campaigns and have reasserted those habits in appearances since, the parties as entities working in exandria had both, to echo ashton’s apt suggestion to ludinus, grown up.

Like one moment I think of is beau and fjord’s convo in the nein hells episode, because beau is being her asshole self and fjord is being his ‘I care about My People and I’ll think about the rest later’ self (i say affectionately but certain parts of the fandom I recognize would view derogatorily) – clearly they’re not the kindest people as they discuss bell’s hells, but two notable things are (a) they still treat the hells with the respect and use their means to help them prepare for the battle coming, even when they hear the horrifying thought that the hells aren’t certain they’ll choose to save the gods, all the nein request is that they choose the kind option (b) they say none of their doubts to the hells themselves – likely because they have the empathy to realizes that its a high stress situation that won’t be made better by a reminding the hells how small and likely ineffectual in the universe they are – and their comments about cannon fodder are ones made in jest to each other. Even taking that in the worst faith interpretation, the jokes that beau and fjord make in a private conversation has absolutely zero influence on bh. This is quite different than bells hells, after like. as clearly betraying the accord they promised to assist (even if their intentions are ‘good’) as is possible, belittling the religious armies sent to support their endeavor to keep predathos sealed as they all feel the weight of an irrevocable change occurring in exandria, one bells hells has first account knowledge now that it IS incredibly willing to eat mortals, and laudna and ashton, the members of bells hells most often cited by certain fandom spaces as characters who have gone through so much and it only made them kind and strong, look into the faces of people facing literally existential threat and laugh and mock them. That is, mighty nein as individuals is comprised of some of the, perhaps, most asshole pcs, but The Mighty Nein as a party is committed to treating others the best they can, to leaving things better than they found them (a quote that I think is particularly exemplary of the dynamics of self-interest at play in the mighty nein, since it originated as a blatant illustration of molly’s notion of self-importance but developed to become a kind of commandment that the nein became committed to fulfilling). The opposite is true of bell’s hells, where orym and dorian at least both seem to have motivation beyond themselves, imogen’s changes but has shown she is capable of letting go of her ‘intention reigns’ requisitely individualistic perspective, and chetney plays up his selfishness but has shown himself to care quite a bit for people beyond their party but bell’s hells as an entity is uh, pretty self-interested.

To clarify some of my thoughts here in the spirit of the wicked renaissance happening rn, I’ve always felt that for good was an incredibly apt song for the mighty nein, because it really nails that feeling that perhaps they didn’t change each other as individuals to become better people on the grand scale, maybe they’ve just changed each other permanently, but they (and I would agree with this) view each other as having changed each other for the better (e.g., I don’t know if I could say whether jester is a morally better Individual at the end of the campaign, but I can say with certainty that she fulfils and makes moral choices in her work as a member of the mighty nein). And I don’t know if this can be said about bell’s hells – I think they have certainly influenced each other and changed how alone many of those characters felt, and that is not a slight on the story, it can be a great centre for a story to focus on how a relinquishment of the feeling that one is alone in the world can change them. But for the most part, that hasn’t been bh’s story, their story instead has been about validating their refusal to become anything beyond what they insist was out of their control. And not to get to annoying philosophy student about it but bell’s hells are maybe some of the most explicit examples of sartrian bad faith I’ve seen in fiction in a hot minute, because their insistence that they treat their wounds as incurable and entirely out of their hands has led to them limiting their own potential because many of them ignore their responsibility as people to make choices in their own lives. In contrast, at the end of the campaign, mighty nein are still assholes as we all like to refer to them as, but in the context of an apocalypse, I think I’d prefer the assholes like fjord – who is certainly being truthful when he says he doesn’t care about what harm comes to 200 people when jester is at risk but who also, as they traverse into aeor, is insistent that their group won’t be running away from whatever apocalyptic threat awaits them, even if that means dying in the fight – than I would an asshole like ashton – who promises to fight for the little guys but who then turns around and acts upon a philosophy that says the strongest will survive. When you look at the mighty nein, it is incredibly easy to see the fingerprints of change they’ve left upon one another, and even to see the boundaries they place on one another’s asocial behaviours through their presence in one another’s lives (more recently the group chastising jester’s fond words about ludinus is a good example, but others are yasha’s pressuring caleb and essek to move on from their wizard talks as they collect paper in aeor instead of venturing further toward the battle they have to fight, or fjord and jester’s frustrated conversation in the ukotoa reunion about how fjord made a stupid decision and he doesn’t regret but he feels dejected and jester checking him on the fact that they still need to figure out a solution). It takes some extrapolation to see how bells hells have changed each other in more than aesthetic ways, if they have at all. Because the catalyst for change is pressure to do so, and aside from moments where it was truly change or be left behind, bh doesn’t challenge each other unless forced to by morri’s trials or delilah’s interruption and on the very odd occasion an interesting game of rollies-spin-the-bottle. 

And it’s interesting because the asshole behaviour of the mighty nein, like bell’s hells, stems from being left on the outskirts of society and the mistreatment that comes with that, so seemingly the change from being alone to being with others is one that actually insists upon being challenged to grow and change. I mean, just looking at the starting points of the characters, there’s an intriguing amount of stark similarities between their pasts; jester and fearne were both people loved dearly by the family they grew up with but who were loved within the confines of a gilded cage, ashton and beau both have an glaring self awareness that their anger at the world has a very particular source (their parents) but use that as justification rather than a means of self reflection, yasha and orym are trying to navigate a world in the wake of an incomprehensible loss and a sense of duty, fjord and imogen are both seeking out knowledge of their own powers and unknowingly retreading the paths of their missing and presumed dead parental figures. The idea that bell’s hells are uniquely mistreated by society in the history of cr player characters is, politely, laughable. Absolutely they’re mistreated, and I think it could be fair to say these characters are more defined by their isolation than others but I think that has more to do with the lack of downtime rp than it has to do with the context of their suffering.

What I have loved about the mighty nein is that in their realization that the bonds they forge with each other are undermining the truths most of them had taken to be true – that they were alone and without a place in the world – they are also forced to realize that no longer being alone and isolated comes with the weight of social responsibility. And this was born out of a willingness the mighty nein had to call each other out and that the players had to allow their characters to be wrong and get called on it. Because that’s the friction of living with other people on the small party scale and the large world scale – in the mighty nein’s ability to survive as a people who cared for each other even when they didn’t agree or when they made decisions that they couldn’t understand, they were constantly developing their ability to care for the very same world that left them alone. Because in campaign two, the world as a whole had the role that the gods have in campaign 3 – why should a party of nobodies, treated like shit by the world and the people in it go through the effort of saving it?

And the mighty nein answered, in their own imperfection and assholery, that nothing is ever just one thing – one of the things I cherish most about campaign 2 is its commitment to ambiguity, allowing the complexity of the world to go unsolved because there is no solution to the fact that life is immense and sometimes incoherent. I don’t think its a coincidence that I’ve seen some of the people lamenting the idiocy of fandom members like me who think that it actually isnt a leftist win to destroy the world in the hopes of spontaneous justice arising in c3 are the same people who criticised c2’s conclusion with the cerberus assembly for not being leftist (a word which for them means . the aesthetic image of a rebellion sparked and not the unending commitment to doing what you practically can to make life more just for those around you – whether they’re particularly kind to you or not) enough. The conclusion of c2 emphasizes that the choice to make the world a better place isn’t something that can be achieved in one single sweeping action that will wipe the boards clean – there is no murder of all the members of the cerberus assembly that would’ve solved the problems that caused the assembly’s power. There is no forcing of the god’s out of exandria that will deal with the actual issue undergirding both bh and their blorbo-moralized fans' criticism of the gods, which is that mortals are cursed with the burden of free will, and being mistreated by other mortals means constantly having to try and make sense of the fact that someone chose to do something cruel to you (and, sometimes, that you made a choice that allowed that cruelty to occur) – a burden made much heavier when the person who hurt you is your cult-indoctrinated mother, or your cult leader father, or the person in the mirror. The mighty nein take up this fight, and the complexities of their individual identities begin to heal in the light of a commitment in their relationship as friends and as a team to improve the world, even on the small scale. Bell’s hells remain gridlocked and stagnant and unwilling to change in an unspoken turf war of self-interest because they’ve insisted (influenced in part by the context of the campaign 3 narrative but, as others have aptly pointed out, that narrative was much more influenced by bh’s lack of curiosity regarding anything except their own minds) upon finding a solution to a problem they’ve decided is earth-shatteringly (quite literally, to the people of ruidus) unjust based on, aside from encounters where fellow mortals were the primary oppressors, their own testimony of the god’s not listening to them and the obvious villain’s parallel testimony. Something I’ve really been chewing on lately is caduceus words to fjord about his role as a paladin of the wildmother – that maybe it just means that someday, someone will pray for a miracle, and there fjord’ll be and the weight that has given that fjord’s bond to ukotoa came from his desperation not to die and his willingness to accept whatever help would be offered, that fjord could now be the person that reaches out to someone in need, and that the hand he offers won’t come with a curse.  And I think that’s really the poignant difference between bh and mn for me, that for bh, their experiences of injustice, though did make them personally bitter, did not make them morally misanthropic.

Comparatively, Bell’s Hells chose to ensure that, because the gods never answered their prayers, they shouldn’t be permitted to answer anyone else’s. Is this an understandable position? Sure, for the walls of a preschool, not really for a group of characters that I will ever be in any way inclined to view as something close to heroes. While it’s true that there are parts of life that are beyond our control – somethings happen to us that we have no say in, and they cause injuries both physical and mental that we are left to heal without any rhyme or reason, it is still our responsibility to heal them. And if you choose not to, well, then you’ve chosen not to, and are responsible for the consequences and judgements that choice might amount to.

Anyway, sorry this is all over the place but TLDR: calling bell’s hells as a party self-interested is actually just descriptively correct – they can save members of the party made up of their close friends and still be self-interested – and while the individual members of bell’s hells actually aren’t all that uniquely self-interested in the history of cr pcs, the party is uniquely self-interested in how they’ve chosen to navigate the world an their responsibility to the people in it.

[thatbitchery]

I did NOT waste my early 20s, everything I think I did right to achieve my goals by 25

To be fair, its more 15-25 than its 20-25 lol

1 . Beggars can not be choosers- You HAVE to earn the privilege to be choosy, and before I earned mine I got around doing whatever needed to be done and picking up whatever came my way. From personal assistant to working at a fish preservation plant to tutoring to babysitting I'd have picked whatever job came my way. This mostly taught me time management I was working three part times and managing high school and its multiple extra curriculars and being class topper and captain and chair of couple of clubs and organizations. I'm naturally predisposed to split attention and I found a way to make it work for me. Add on the work ethic and the social navigation required to get around all my many worlds with different rules and different people where I had to play different roles. It was a formative experience and the money was the least important thing I walked out with. Till date I'm not really picky with what I do. If it seems worth it I'll take it, so my Cv is all over the place. Important to add my curiosity made everything easier, I'm hungry for life.

2. Will Forever credit my pathological compulsive need to know myself with my progress. I'm always learning about myself. Through my thoughts through my actions through my experiences through others I have a PhD in the field that is me. I came across a quote that said something within the vicinity of you are not your thoughts you are your actions and if you want to know who you are watch what you do when you are alone an there are no consequences to your actions and I want to scream this on top of my lungs to every single lady- watch your actions. Not words. Not thoughts. You are what you do when you are alone. As always I am a huge fan of lying I think we (women) should lie more and bring gender equality to the dishonesty demographic there isn't much representation there (And crime) but lying to yourself is actually diabolical. You can not do right by you if you do not know you. Majority of us do not achieve our goals simply because those are not our goals they belong to someone that is not us. Whether it's your parent's goals or your favorite influencer's goals or the goals to the version of you you hope to become it doesn't matter you can NOT achieve someone else's goals. And the reason you lie to yourself is because you want to do the dumb thing (being good) and where has that gotten you huh. I have always known who I am and what I want and that has made getting it easy because I know my strengths I know my weaknesses I know me inside out and I do not fight her I embrace her she is me- for this reason I have literally never had self-doubt what am I doubting the blueprint sits on solid ground. Journalling my actions not my feelings and observing myself without judging without trying to be anything just- watching me and my immediate reaction to everyone and everything about me and listening to my feelings no judgement no tuning no nothing I feel what I feel has been veryyyyy handy in my goalsetting and navigating the world around me. Do I fake my personality uhm yes obviously but not to myself. When it comes to me I come naked and raw, and i look at her and think yeah no you're godlike I will give you the world- so when I work for things I work according to my goals my personality my strengths my weaknesses my needs my wants, despite what I'm projecting to the world. Cliche but, I am myself 24/7, even when I'm being fake af.

3. investing in what's important to me and being mediocre at the rest. Society does demand an all rounder and I'm a big believer in give the people what they want so I mastered early the art of looking like an all rounder - pretty, classy, intelligent, talented. I've been in school for most of my life (20 yrs. I'm 25 so) and school makes this SO easy. Good grades join a club play a sport look good and done. So when I show up to club meeting twice a week I will take the editor spot so I can peacefully have my face buried in my laptop and work on what I really care about as everyone else yaps about god knows what and throw some points in randomly just to seem involved (tip, use people's names and echo someone else's point immediately after they make it and quote them - like Aliie said it would be great to X- you seem invested. Just echo the most popular person you'll get away with it) or in class I'll listen because that's when I learn and then go to the library to work on my business etc. Point being I look like I'm an all rounder but I actually only focus on the things I care about- finance, literature, neuroscience, psychology. I don't say no to hang outs or a life to 'lock in' I show up, look like I'm in the room but actually focus on what I love and what's important to me. So I'll be on a dinner table fully immersed in conversation but mentally plotting my next move in my business or memorizing for my exams. That way I don't isolate myself but also don't waste energy on things that don't even matter to me.

4. Learning the Art of relationships. Being autistic + Being foreign + having a five minute social battery + being super bitchy = a very hard time socializing, so I had to actually learn the art of socializing. The books did help YES read the Dale Carnegie book etc but we don't learn in books we learn in experience. It was my many jobs with many people in many different environments that taught me how to people, that coupled up with a Bachelor's in Psychology with a focus in sociology, evolutionary psychology and human adaptation. I know how to people I am a people person. Relationships are where everything happens. Sucess is a process of successful people pleasing. I can, in fact, talk to anyone anywhere about anything, I can make conversation out of a piece of hair or thin air. Every single thing on earth will come from someone. Social skills = survival skills, and relationships are a result of successful and functional social skills. Spending all my teens and early 20's making and maintaining relationships - I'm still friends with people I did odd jobs with in my teens and the people I went to school with and the random millionaires I have met for an hour max. The greatest thing I have ever done is learn how to people. I have made friends in the thirty minutes we sat next to each other and been invited to whole weddings by people I knew for less than hours. Peopling is the greatest skill ever.

5. Creating the right social portfolio. A friend to all is a friend to none but a friend to one is an enemy of the rest. The art of being everyone's friend but tied to no one but claimed by who I want to be claimed by is actually my biggest flex. When it comes to success the only portfolio that matters is your social portfolio. Who are you that anyone should give you anything. Who you are is defined by who likes you. Society runs by endorsement look at politicians. Who you are is measured by who likes you, and it needs to be diverse. The gang member highschooler is supposed to escort you home yapping about his family and make sure you got home safe. The valet is supposed to endorse you and the nice lady at the farmers market is supposed to think the sun rises and sets in your eyes and your ex bf is supposed to say yeah no we broke up but that's my girl right there and the billionaire you sat next to in that one wedding is supposed to bring your name up on his partner's yacht and when he tells his wife your name she's supposed to say- ah yes, nice lady. She has this exquisite pair of earrings she let me borrow and the pastor at church should personally shake your hand after service and ask about your week and then drag you by hand and introduce you to the latest widow on the block that 10000% murdered her husband and say hi so this is one of my daughters, she can drive you home today. Social portfolio is actually your CV. Spending my early 20's and late teens being so woven into society that my absence is notable. Belonging to everyone yet no one.

6. Learning transferrable, socialization and survival skills. Majoring in communication and minoring in Psychology - two of the MOST transferrable skills on earth - can be applied in ANY field ever and isn't confined in one. Having hobbies that demand socialization - Pool, poker, bowling, tennis, equestrian, IR, chess ,go, monopoly. Survival skills- personal finance, cooking, homesteading and cleaning, wellness, health (gut health, reproductive health, brain health), organization, etc.

7. Being a people pleaser to the people that deserve pleasing. I'm not a crowd pleaser (although I put considerable effort into looking like I am) I find who deserves the pleasing and focus on them. I'm a gold-digging social climbing narcissist so this is pretty easy to pull off. i learned really early that how you perform is determined by what the people in power think of you and how they see you and I'm awesome at creating an image I should actually get paid for it. I'll find whoever call the shots or whoever influences whoever calls said shots, how to sway them my way while looking like I wasn't trying and pull it off. I have my first class honors in all but one unit to prove it. It's not that I'm smart (I am though) its that I'm likeable.

BMAC

[magiturge]

does elliot ever get upset about mafiosos behavior as a mafia member/debth collector? if so, what upsets him the most? (sorry if this question isn't entirely clear)

it really depends, what kind of behavior we’re talking about.

because in the sense of mafioso’s behavior, elliot understands that it’s kind of just how mafioso HAS to operate as a member of the mafia, collecting debth and instilling fear into people running from the end

so in that sense, he doesn’t.. care, or interfere. he’s of a completely different world with different rules, different system, different lot of things. shit, sometimes the goofy work ethic is similar to what he engages in at the pizza place. he’s a little desensitized to it all based on his experience.

but.

in the sense of, the CONSEQUENCES of that behavior..

he gets worried.

because as i said, they’re of two different worlds. different MANY things.

elliot does not entirely understand the conflict happening within the dreamsphere. he doesn’t know or understand fissue, or the causer corps, or the war implied to be occurring across the dreamsphere. its not reasonable to expect him to get the WHOLE picture.

but he understands that mafioso’s work is dangerous for himself, it runs the risk of him dying in his line of work. that his extreme tactics will inadvertently get a target on his head by authorities like police in thornight

elliot has experienced loss in the form of pets, but it never lasted LONG. he HAS safety nets in the way of witch mulberry reviving them for a price, he’s lived a chaotic but cozy life.

it’s not that behavior of mafioso in his role as a mafia member that upsets him, it’s the potential consequences of it.

having seen the ghosts roam in ocean lab when mafioso introduced him to different places in the dreamsphere, on some day it will occur to him that maybe one day, he won’t answer.

some day he won’t order over the phone, in person.

maybe some day the consequences of his sin will catch up to him, and he’ll either be facing his judgement in a jail cell or roaming aimlessly as a ghost like the ones in ocean lab, a memory fading every second.

he does not criticze mafioso for his behavior because it goes against his morals, but it makes him scared to lose him, that he will experience a loss that has no safety net.

he is afraid to lose him BECAUSE he’s a mafia member.

i hope that makes sense

[tremsing82]

My Thoughts on Night Court

So when I read acotar for the first time this summer (2024) my 3 best friends were the ones who peered pressured me to do so and our group chat became my reading experience chat. It was fun. But they are all pro-night court and pro-bat boys. And though I can be open and accepting of the narrative for it moves the plot forward I did start becoming more cynical and posing questions of the ethics and moral standings of the night court. My first big question to my friend group that got them all to pause and think was:

>Is it morally and ethically ok for Hewn City to fight in this war when they are trapped under a mountain and do not have access to Velaris. And Velaris expects hewn city to fight in the war to protect their peace, yet Velaris does not have an army and the citizens are not and to volunteer. Now yes some Velaris citizens did go fight for Adriata but again Rhys never sent out a request for Velaris citizens to join the war effort against Hybern. And also is it morally and ethically ok for Rhys to essentially segregate hewn city residents who will eventually visit Velaris one day considering that was the only request Keir had when Rhys asked for The DarkBringers to fight in the war. Rhys said yes to that because he had already told his Velaris city leaders they can tell the citizens they can deny Hewn City residents from entering their establishments. So these hewn city soldier are gonna go to war possibly be killed leaving behind a widow and children, or they are going to be brutally mutilated with scars or lost limbs. And then they or their widows and children are gonna arrive in Velaris and be denied access to a bake shop to buy a cookie or a toy store and denied the ability to buy a doll all while they went to war to keep this place safe and protected. <

I truly don’t think Rhys would have went to war with Hybern to protect hewn city or Illyria. He went to war specifically to protect Velaris the only city he loves. And that bothers me. And makes me dislike and not enjoy the Night Court, but essentially i really don’t like Velaris. I think it’s a spoiled city of entitled judgemental people similar to its 5/6 leaders of the Inner Circle. Mor is claimed to be the emissary between Velaris and Rhys and Hewn city but she does absolutely nothing to showcase that title and job. Except to tell her father when Rhys is going to visit. She claims to be the only dreamer ever to come out of or born in Hewn City and I HIGHLY doubt that. She tell Feyre the story about how she dreaded the day her power manifested because she knew she would be sold into a loveless marriage the way her cousins had been. So you’re telling me your cousins enjoyed their status and their betrothals but you are the only one who hated this custom. The IC is all telling me that everyone is Hewn City is dark and evil, so even a new baby is touched by evil and deserves to never see the sky outside of that mountain it was born in. How is this ethical and morally acceptable. Feyre says once to Lucien in MaF that if you stare long enough into the darkness sometimes it will stare back, and this to me should be applied to the Hewn Cory residents. If all that they have is darkness and hate and hurt to live with it’s not surprising they all embrace that darkness and hate. They are not given other options. Should we the reader question the ethics of how the Hewn city is seen and talked about and even ruled?

So why do people argue FOR this Court? Why does the majority of the fandom hate to be asked these question or see these blatant issues for this court? Why am I told it’s all a mask that they all have to don to protect the innocents and freedom of a spoiled city that is so well hidden that it remains outside of the conflict happening in Prythian. The attack on Velaris by the Attor was the first time the outside world’s conflict finally reared its ugly head to its citizens. Yes they claim they felt bad for the suffering the other courts went through for the 50yrs of Amarantha’s reign but none of them told Rhys to break the wards hiding them, when he finally returned. None said we should band together and go help the other courts rebuild since we have remained untouched for 50yrs. They didn’t pull their resources together to send aid to the most hard hit villages and cities in other courts. They continued on with their days of holding theater production and eating safely at restaurants and going to nightclubs for 50yrs.

And I am suppose to be mad at Tamlin for starting to reissue his courts only form of revenue to ensure it continued ability to function. A tax that only happens twice a year and is only 10% of whatever a person has produced. So if a person has 10hens they only have to give over 1 hen. If a person has 1 hen that produced 10eggs then they only have to give over 1 egg. 10% twice a year, that’s not a bad taxation. Hell the river nymphs didn’t have to give Tamlin fish, he never asked for fish. He just asked for 10% of whatever they produced. They could have handed him 10blades of lake grass or a cup of river water, he would have accepted it. And heard their pleas for fish to be helped brought back into their lake. He wasn’t gleeful about having to find perpetrators of not paying taxes, he just knows this is how his court functions and runs. Rhys says we do a different form of tax, which to me I assume he means modern day taxation which is sales tax, property tax, and/or income tax. Which overarching means the citizens of night court are paying more into taxes than in Spring Court.

For the Illyrian struggles with female empowerment i struggle to always completely blame Rhys on this. I think Illyria has Rhys by the balls. If Rhys enforces his laws in Illyria again wing clipping and female oppression then he loses one of his strongest armies (which the fandom and SJM also claim is possibly the strongest army in Prythian 😒😪🙄). This is an army that is under his full control and cannot deny his decree to go fight or go to battle like the Keir can do with the DarkBringers. So if he starts killing Illyrian men for wing clippings or if he starts throwing Illyrian men into the barrack cells then he essentially will lose half of 75% of his army. He is definitely in between a rock and a hard place with how to enforce the laws that protect Illyrian women. A person on Instagram had a wonderful idea to help this conundrum; Rhys law should be if any Illyrian woman has their wings clip illegally from this day forward then the males in her household will also have their wings clipped. If they are not afraid of Rhys throwing them in jail or killing them then go to their biggest fear losing their access to flight. And enforce it. See how quickly the other males stop once they see one neighbors household have the patriarch and sons all lose access to flying. And it should be done in the city streets where all can see. Now granted this could turn Rhys into looking like and feeling like a dictator of a violent regime but truthfully I sometimes already see him that way anyway with how much he torment and degrades hewn city and its residents. Now like I said in the begging of this paragraph i don’t fully hate Rhys on this. My arguments for Rhys on Illyria is that he is the first high lord to make laws and changes to a society that has been free to do what they want in their traditions for possibly 15,000 years. He has put laws into place to help empower women. Emerie inherited her father’s shop because of these news laws being in place allowing women to own and inherit property. Emerie is progressive, she knew of the new laws and she seized them and used them to help herself. Other Illyrian woman have been oppressed for so long that the thought of finally using the new laws to enforce their rights to autonomy or property ownership or joining the army is scary for them. It’s gonna take more than a male high-lord and 2 male Illyrians to help them feel safe to express their freedom. Which I think will come in with Nesta moving the Valkyries training to the Illyrian camps to help the lllyrian females. They gonna see females learning battle strategy and fighting techniques that are designed specifically for females, they are going to see females who can’t fly conquering the blood rite. That will be the driving force for the female Illyrians to enforce the new laws that Rhys put in place to help them and free them and protect them. Rhys has the laws in place he just needs the people to start using them.

And I guess I will end this essay with I don’t hate Rhys or his IC (well most of them, I hate Amren and Mor annoys me for being useless). I just wish we could explore the other lands. Why must everything be so centralized to night court/Velaris. I know they have the ancient crabby lady (Amren 🙄🙄🙄) who has answers to Prythians lost history (which first she never wants to share willingly, second doesn’t always share all the truth, and lastly her knowledge is mostly night court focus).

-Day Court has the most libraries in all of Prythian with books written that are as old as their lands. Day Court is the only court with Pegasus, a rare magical animal that are dying/going extinct. Day Court is the court of the Sun. And what are suns but stars in the night sky. Suns are liquid fire. And the dread trove items which are as old as the daglan has sun symbols all over them and makes Helion feel uncomfortable which makes him think an ancestor of his might have own it or used it.

-Autumn court has entire strong bloodlines missing because they followed Theia into Midgard. A bloodline that just reappeared into Prythian in Night Court. I would like to know their history with Queen Theia, with how they helped fight the Daglan.

-I know the Daglan (acotar), the Asteri (CC), and the Valg (ToG) are all the same parasitic beings. And we know the fae of Prythian overthrew their Daglan. And we know in ToG on how to kill a Valg (fire and healing). And well I can only assume that Autumn court with their fire and possibly Day Court with their sun fire and possible healing magic were the ones that helped liberate Prythian from the Daglan in battles.

-And well we have a character, Lucien, that people kinda write off as not important to the world plot, who has parents from these 2 courts. But the majority of the fandom write him off because well he is not from night court, he is not a bat boy, and he is not a night court/rhys worshipper. And so we have all this foreshadowing but I worry that SJM is just not gonna do anything with it because it not night court specific. Now granted she might have us leave the night court finally and learn the importance of Prythians history through Day Court and Autumn Court. We know Eris was happy to share Prythians history with Nesta who was showing curiosity but Cassian was rude and stopped him. We might find out that Eris is a history nerd like Bryce. That he is researching his bloodlines and his courts involvement in the building and creation of Prythian. We might find out from Helion that Dawn and Day were once a single court but split to give the solar courts more chances of pleading their cases at high lord meetings where the seasonal courts had more sway in votes. We truly just don’t know anything about these courts and Night Court doesn’t want to know. So as a reader who likes to travel a world in a book I want to leave this oppressive and isolated land and meet the others.

[thesirencult]

PAC : WHO IS IN LOVE WITH YOU ?

PILE 1

2 Of Swords, Ace Of Wands, The Hermit

Two people are interested in you or you will find yourself choosing between two people further on.

Who you choose will change the course of your life.

The first person feels new for you. They make you feel like you have a purpose. They talk about being in alignment with your goals and dreams. Don't get me wrong but they remind me of people who sell courses for a living and life coaches (no shade here, their tone reminds me of that and that doesn't mean they are scammers etc.). This person sees the glass half full and inspires you to go after your dreams. This may include leaving what you know behind and travelling with them.

The second individual is someone you don't see clearly. You may not even know who this person is as they have been isolating themselves for a while. There is another possibility though, that they are a "monk mode" individual. They are earthy and in touch with themselves but always seem to look at others from afar. They are addicted to "suffering" to make themselves better. I don't think this person talks to you or if they do it's sporadically and in a public place, like the gym. You could be their gym crush and you wouldn't even know. They like Batman.

PILE 2

10 Of Swords, Judgement

Your person will act as a catalyst to your healing. I'm saying "your" person because you will have a relationship with the person who is/will be in love with you.

Your heart knows who they are. They make you feel aligned and in touch with your heart center. This person appreciates your femininity and let's you explore your dreams while they take on the world for you.

PILE 3

Queen Of Swords, 8 Of Pentacles, The Hanged Man

They are a truth seeker. Whatever this person tells you, you know it's true. They don't lie. They are ethical and lawful.

They could work or are interested in a career as a layer, doctor or psychologist. Whatever they want to do requires them to look straight at the facts.

This person may not seem that romantic at first. Like the roses on the grey staircase, small actions are their thing.

They are very caring and focus on being a provider. Acts of service are their love language.

Something I find very interesting about this person is the fact that they are a great people reader. In their life they had to deal with people with very ill intentions and they've seen the harshest side of humanity. This has made them more spiritual and able to sit back and observe rather than judge things on face value.

PILE 4

2 Of Pentacles, Knight Of Cups

You were walking down the road when you caught their eye or entered the room or bumped onto them at the coffee shop. It doesn't matter how you met but when you entered their life they went to La La Land.

Dreams, fairytales, fantasies... This person has a lot on their plate. When they met you or when they will meet you they will feel as if you are the answer to all of their issues.

You are a dreamer and trying to find your footsteps and unique path. This person will see something in you and wants to take care of you.

They will be very romantic and treat you like you are a unicorn.

[jasmineandcedar]

On Elriel, themes, and character arcs

This blog is for my Elriel ramblings, and I feel like rambling about Elriel tonight.

I quite like to explore theme and buildup and such things, and I really like how SJM has set up Elain's story and arc. So I wanted to write something about both Azriel and Elain's character arcs.

I'm just going to pour out some thoughts here on a whim before I'm going to bed. Everything I say here will be an exploration of canon but it is not a judgement on shipping outside of canon. Fandom is where fiction gains a life of its own. Fandom is where we can ship based on vibes, whereas fiction is where ships are built on themes. And this specific post is about canon and themes.

Something I think often happens when people discuss their views on where ACOTAR is heading is that discussions revolve around individual plot points, quotes or individual character traits, but do not relate them to theme. That becomes quite fruitless if we are interested in getting to the bottom of where canon might be heading (which can be fun!). It's a good example of not seeing the forest for the trees.

So, I want to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. I want to look at the forest (theme) instead of inspecting single trees (individual plot points, individual character traits etc, seen in a vacuum). Then it becomes so clear to me where this story is going, and I’m just left with peace and quiet, and appreciation for SJM’s skills in utilizing theme to effectively convey messages - and the beautiful character arc she has created for Elain! (And I happen to really like where she is going with Elain and Azriel.)

What is a theme?

I think of themes as the underlying messages that a work of fiction is exploring, which often ties to moral and ethical dilemmas and the human condition (the Fae condition?). It can be: good vs. evil, fate vs. choice, or forgiveness/redemption for example. They are the most fundamental drivers of a story as they shape the entire story and all its components.

How? Let’s look at three basic components : plot, characters, symbolism.

Plot: The theme shapes the plot by guiding the direction of the story.

Character development: The theme shapes character development, by making characters confront and in various ways relate to the theme. 

Themes equip character with different traits, virtues, and vices (which can be nuanced) that guide their behaviour in relation to the theme. Here we also have character arcs - how characters develop in their confrontation with the theme. There will be a starting point for the character, there will be some form of turning point that sets them on a trajectory to develop/change, they will face moral and ethical dilemmas that connect to the theme and eventually there will be a resolution where the outcome shows how the character has progressed from where they started.

Symbolism: the theme determines how symbolism is used, because symbolism is often there to enhance or reinforce the theme.

By tying all these components to an overarching narrative, message, themes give the story a common thread. Cohesion if you will. A story without themes will be all over the place.

I’ll focus here mostly on the realm of characters and character development. We have followed Elain and Azriel over four or five books. We have seen enough of their character arcs already to have a very solid understanding of the direction SJM is heading with these characters and to understand what character development for them would be, and what would be regression.

What I think is important to point out, is that SJM has stated that the ACOTAR books are about female main characters and their male love interests. The male love interests take a little bit of a back seat in ACOTAR (compared to for example TOG). This is in itself also a theme - female empowerment - that is present throughout all the books. So when looking at love interest, I think it is how the male love interest ties into his female love interest's arc that is most important (this is certainly true for Nessian and Feysand). The female main character in ACOTAR will never take a backseat to her male love interest. (And I'll get to why I think Azriel is pretty much a manifestation of Elain's progression as a character because they complement each other's arcs so well).

So, enter Elain.

Elain’s arc

How can we explore an arc? Identify themes? We can start by looking at a character in their starting point. What are their weaknesses? What obstacles are there for their happiness and fulfilment? Whatever that is, is what that character will have to face in order to progress. And in that, we can identify themes.

Elain’s arc has been constructed around the theme of reclaiming agency. Underpinning Elain’s journey is also her discovery of identity. To have agency, to make choices, she needs to know who she is and what she wants outside of expectations that shaped her in childhood.

Let’s look at her arc so far to understand why I consider these relevant themes for Elain.

Starting point

Elain starts out as someone heavily influenced by her mother's expectations, moulded to be an asset for marriage. Her mother quite literally says she (11 year old Ellain) has no wants or ambitions, she's just a pretty face and her and Nesta's (who was 12) "maneuverings" will secure an advantage marriage for Elain. Elain was groomed into having no say. Her sense of purpose seemed tied to her ability to live to up to the expectations put upon her. We see this in her holding onto hope that her relationship with Graysen would work out, even when all feasibility was gone, because it had been her life’s purpose to marry - it is how she was to bring prosperity to her family.

Turning point (What sets her on a trajectory to change)

When Elain is Made into High Fae and Graysen rejects her, she faces an identity crisis. Her carefully constructed future crumbles, and she is removed from the childhood environment where she was groomed. All of this pushes her to eventually have to confront her own wants and desires rather than the obligations forced upon her through childhood. Of course gaining seer powers is also extremely relevant here, but I'm focusing on the romance in this post.

Conflict

As she is Made, she is also given a mate, and within Fae society it is expected of you to be with your mate. It is a mirror to the expectations put upon her by her mother. But, removed from her childhood circumstances, we see her actively having to confront the expectations put upon her. She rejects the notion of a mate, refusing fate to dictate her life. And over time, we see her starting to learn to navigate High Fae society. She finds friends, hobbies, and purpose. She is learning to identify what she wants. She is beginning to develop an identity of her own.

We also see this in how she in ACOFAS and ACOSF acts “out of character” if compared to Elain of ACOTAR and ACOMAF. We see that in her sense of humour, in her standing up to Nesta, and wanting to get in on the action of the IC. That tells us that who she was in her starting point was a suppression of her true self and she is now in the process of confronting the expectations that dictated her life and finding her identity.

She was groomed by her mother to fit in a mould, but she is not who she was forced to be. Rhys has noticed, Feyre has noticed, Nesta has noticed, Amren has noticed. We all have noticed.  She also develops feelings for Azriel, and in his bonus chapter we find out she is ready to act on them. She is on a trajectory towards character development, and clear conflicts have been laid out that relate to her reclaiming agency - fate vs. choice.

Resolution

We have of course not reached the resolution yet, we have only barely touched on the conflicts and dilemmas she has to confront, because we don’t have her book yet – we only have its setup. But, given the arc that has been set in motion, what is the next, thematically cohesive, step? It is for Elain to move from being a passive participant in her own life, doing what is expected of her, to an active one. To becoming a subject, a being that acts upon other things, rather than an object that is acted upon and pushed around. To make her own decisions based on her values and desires.

Despite not having her book, we have already been introduced to some of her values and desires in regards to romance. That love would trump a mating bond. That a mate is not entitled to her time and affection because he is her mate. She desires choice in love. For her arc to be complete – she would have to go with her choice in love, Azriel. She would have to reject the external expectations put upon her and let her choice trump those expectations.

What would be regression for Elain?

The antithesis to exerting agency is to obey and fall in line. What could such regression look like for Elain?

Elain gives in to external pressures by accepting Lucien as her mate (despite wanting Azriel) for the sake of political alliances and social expectations. By doing so she loses her independence by once again conforming and prioritizing her duty over her desires.

Elain suppresses her emotional connection with Azriel and her own values – that love would trump a mating bond – and forces herself into a relationship that is “correct” by societal standards, but personally unfulfilling – once again acting out of duty instead of choice.

By doing the above, she would end her arc exactly where she started it, or worse. She would end as a trapped and powerless individual.

This would be an unhinged story to tell.

Lucien

Could SJM write Elain to change her mind and choose Lucien? As a hypothetical, yes. But it removes all the narrative impact of Elain’s choice. Because she doesn’t need any progression to make that choice - there is no growth! Elain’s choice would be the one that is socially expected, the one that is determined by fate, outside of her influence. So it is not an arc of character development, it is one of regression or stagnation. That is not how a story is told. It is not the story SJM has written.

The idea of Elucien often relies on SJM’s tendency to write fated mates. It is true that she often does (but not always). But that is irrelevant if it breaks thematic cohesion to follow that same pattern in this story. This story doesn’t follow the thematic buildup of other stories. It’s its own story.

It seems to sometimes be forgotten, but Lucien does not  want this mating bond either. A mate was thrown at him, like it was at Elain before they even knew each other. Lucien, having grown up within Fae customs, is reluctantly trying to entertain the idea. But Lucien had known real love, and the one he loved was nothing like Elain (sometimes people aren’t into each other). I think Lucien and Elain have a thematic buildup that is leading them both to find purpose away from each other – which I think sets them up to tell the story of a rejected mating bond - of reclaimed agency. But that’s maybe for another post. Lucien's arc is one I look forward to.

Azriel’s arc

Azriel’s arc revolves a lot around themes of self-sacrifice vs. self-worth.

What have we seen of his arc already, and what is the thematically cohesive continuation of it?

Starting point

Azriel starts out as guarded, self-sacrificial, perfectionistic, full of self-loathing, and as prioritizing duty and his Court over his own fulfilment. He never expresses wants or needs that are rooted in his emotional well-being. This entails that he believes his value lies in how useful he can be for others. He beats himself up if he doesn't perform his duties perfectly. But we have seen that the work he does with his hands (as interrogator and torturer) and the childhood trauma that is manifested on his hands have made him emotionally guarded, feeling self-loathing, touch-aversion and unworthy of romantic love.

Turning point

When Azriel meets Elain he starts behaving differently. He is drawn to touching her like we don’t see him with anyone else, and she never recoils from his touch – she encourages it. Her small acts of kindness (like gifting him the headache powder) has him feeling joy in ways we haven’t seen before. He relaxes with Elain in the garden and during Solstice.

He chooses his desire to save Elain above the security of his Court by, without hesitation, risking his own life to save her right before they are about to go to war, knowing how important he is for his Court as Spymaster, rare shadowsinger, interrogator, and warrior. This is a self-sacrificial act, but not one born out of duty. The difference from his previous self-sacrificial tendencies is that he is choosing to do it despite dire consequences of his choice for his Court if he dies in the process just before a war is about to begin. Before this, we’ve seen him prioritize politics and his Court over his own wants and needs (like choosing the alliance with Keir over Mor’s contentment, despite how we know he cares for Mor). His rescue of Elain is narratively important, and SJM gave it pages upon pages, and keeps pointing this rescue scene out in the books.

He also lends TT to Elain, which he has never done to anyone, telling her he wants her to use it.

Something is shifting his internal narrative about himself that has him behaving differently, and in opposition to his self-loathing and workaholic tendencies, when Elain came into the picture. (Don't forget the secret glances and brushing fingers - very much not ACOMAF Azriel behaviour!).

Before this, he seems to have been stagnant for 500+ years. Remove Elain, and he would still be stagnant.

Conflict

Azriel develops romantic feelings for Elain and is torn between his deep feelings for her and his belief that he should stay away because she has a mate. After ACOFAS we see how his choice to stay away is ruining him throughout ACOSF. He can’t sleep, he is isolating himself because he can’t attend family dinners, he is throwing himself at work and training again. All of this creates tension between his sense of duty (staying away from Elain out of respect for the bond and the political ramifications of getting romantically involved with her) and his personal wants, needs and fulfilment.

The discovery that Elain wants him too, Rhys ordering him to stay away, Azriel questioning the Cauldron and then discovering that the Cauldron is corrupted are clear conflicts and dilemmas he will have to tackle to set him on the trajectory to discover how he can learn to find himself worthy of romantic love and reach self-acceptance.

Resolution

Of course we don’t have the resolution to his arc yet. It will happen in the book. But based on what has been laid out – what would a thematically cohesive resolution be? His self-loathing is tied to his inability to see himself as worthy of romantic love, not friendship (he does have friends). So his arc would conclude with him accepting that he is worthy of romantic love - not because he is useful but because someone simply loves him as he is - and choosing to prioritize his own emotional needs and wellbeing over his duties and orders. All of these things are thematically tied to Elain – she has been depicted as the one that accepts and invites his touch, that Azriel chooses to relax with, the one he wants and that wants him too.  

What could be regression for Azriel?

The antithesis to Azriel acknowledging his self-worth would be to retreat back to his work and duty. How could this play out?

Azriel rejects the possibility of being with Elain, thinking he is too tainted by his work and his past to deserve it. He remains trapped in his viscous circle of self-sacrifice, putting duty, work, training and the well-being of others ahead of himself.

He retreats further into training, duty and work. This would deepen his feelings of self-loathing. His touch-aversion would probably get worse, and he might become more closed off from everyone in the IC because of his avoidance of Elain and his suppression of his feelings for her (since she is part of the IC).

He would end up exactly where he started, or even worse.

This would be an unhinged story.

Just to touch on G/wynriel very briefly: Azriel character development needs less duty and training, and training and duty is all that ties Gwyn and Azriel together. Because he is just her trainer. So, G/wynriel is not where we're heading because it breaks any and all thematic cohesion. It cuts the current thematic trajectory off like Gwyn cut  that ribbon and starts from scratch with nothing - leaving both Azriel and Elain stagnant or regressing, which is not going to happen after all this buildup (Azriel has also nothing at all to do with Gwyn's arc).

All in all,

As the character arcs of Elain and Azriel has been thematically laid out, it is Elain and Azriel this story is heading towards when it comes to their love interests. This is only reinforced if you further include plot and symbolism.

For Azriel to fulfil the trajectory of his character arc, as SJM has written it, he needs to prioritize his wants and wellbeing – his romantic feelings for Elain. He needs to de-prioritize duty, defy Rhys orders and act on his and Elain’s mutual feelings. To not do so is character regression.

Elain has to choose her wants, needs and values – manifested in her choosing Azriel – and defy societal expectations for her character arc to reach its resolution. To not do so, and once again obey societal expectations, is character regression.

Azriel and Elain are the manifestation of each others progression and the antithesis to each other's regression. They perfectly complement each other's arcs.

To not follow this thematic trajectory would be as if Frodo, when he had finally reached Mount Doom, about to complete his arc of the reluctant hero whose humble resilience saves the world, would have decided that he is actually not very heroic, handed the ring to the nearest Ringwraith and headed back to the Shire. It would be a bad and absolutely unhinged story.

This is why Elain and Azriel are ending up together. Because it really is the only thing that makes thematic sense for Elain’s story.

And then, when I have taken a step back to see the forest and not get stuck on the trees, I can go back an admire all the individual trees of their story in peace. But now I'm going to sleep.

[directdogman]

вопрос от друга! :

Вот что делают с трупом в Дилтаун?

Например есть чувак, который всю свою жизнь жил в Дилтаун и по каким-то обстоятельством он скончался.. что тогда сделают с его предметом вместо головы?

Google translate's a bit off for this one (I believe it's asking what happens to object heads when the people wearing 'em died?) So I'll answer that:

It's treated on a case-by-case basis. Often enough, parts are removed from the head (mainly optical sensors) and donated to hospitals + manufacturers, though there's some ethical debate over this. In the same way people can sign up to be organ donors, many object headed people give specific legal consent to have parts removed from their heads when they die specifically to avoid the ethical debate over what parts of an object head are fair game to take out.

Beyond that, the family usually gets to decide exactly what to do with the head. If the body is buried, more often than not, the head is kept on the body after autopsy. This allows for families to have open casket funerals + wakes, as seeing the body without your loved one's body without a head is... well, not exactly a happy experience for most people.

In the case of cremations, the head is usually discarded separately. While places will allow the family to keep the head shell (and some even offer to seal the edges and sell the head itself BACK to the family as an urn to keep the ashes in), this practice is very very seldom actually done, as it's a bit like having your loved one's remains served back to you within a mummified, lifeless head. Not super fun or comforting. At best, a pretty drab decoration for the home. The LAST thing you want to see while you're taking a trip to the fridge to eat shredded cheese out of the bag at 3am is the face of a deceased loved one, staring at you in still, cold judgement.

The best comparison I can make to it in our world is how some people get their pets taxidermied. The reasons most people would not wanna do that in reality is why the practice is so rare in-universe, and so, heads get buried with bodies OR discarded on cremation more often than not. (After being picked clean for useful parts, provided the family is okay with it or the person gave legal permission prior to their death.)

Hope this helps!

[thatscarletflycatcher]

Annotated Editions: the case of Jane Austen's Persuasion

The other day I made a post about my poor opinion of David Shepard's annotated editions of Jane Austen's novels, specially in terms of how much praise they get in the Austen fandom. That last qualifier is important, because while in general I do think they aren't great in a vacuum, it's specifically the place of honor they get in fandom that makes my judgement harsher; not because popular=bad, but because, well, if you claim to be excellent, you should be excellent.

So I'm gonna try here to compare three annotated editions: Shepard's, Norton Critical, and Oxford World's Classics.

Let's begin with the introductions/prefaces. Prefaces are complicated, because for the most part there is a tradition in this sort of literature to treat them as a free space for an essay, basically fulfilling the role of an afterword, instead of working as an introduction, as a summary of the historical, biographical, anthropological, artistic, etc, clues that will facilitate and enrich the comprehension of the text by the reader.

How goes Shepard about his introduction to Persuasion?

There's a brief note to the reader before the preface itself explaining what kind of notes he has added to the text; so far so good.

The preface itself is roughly divided in the following sections:

a biographical sketch of Jane Austen (5-10%)

comments on the spot Persuasion occupies popularity wise in the list of Austen novels, followed by, as Shepard's argument for why it is so;

An in-depth comparative analysis of the whole plot and main characters of the novel, with other Austen novels, pointing "pros" and "cons." (90-95%)

A comment on how he thinks Austen's style would have been moving forward, disagreeing with Virginia Woolf.

The first section is useful to contextualize the work, but the second is basically spoilers + Shepard's opinions on the novel and on the novel as compared to other Austen novels; this latter part is of little or none usefulness to the reader, and even its quality as an essay has several very weak, "sloppy" points. For example, the assertion that Persuasion, like the rest of Austen's novels is a romance; not only because many would disagree, but because a good introduction would include a discussion of the genre of the novel, and for an Austen novel the discussion and explanation of the nature and tensions of romance, bildungsroman and comedy of manners is VERY important. Another weak point is the blank assertion that Austen never wrote a scene between two men alone, which is false). Another notorious absence in this introduction is the historical setting of Persuasion; it is a rarity between Austen novels in how relevant the Napoleonic Wars are for the plot and how firmly they date the narrative. Tied to this are considerations of class, and the meaning of the navy as a symbol of meritocracy and Austen's special relation to it through her family... none of which are even mentioned in this preface.

How does the Norton Critical Edition by Patricia Meyer Spacks tackle the same part?

When did Austen write the novel and when was it published.

Brief summary of currents of opinion on tone and theme of the novel.

A discussion of traditional views on the "femininity" of Persuasion.

Critical evaluation of this in relation to contemporary analysis of the ethical and the political in Austen and the novel.

Her own interpretation of the novel as an ethical study on the concept of self-love.

A brief note on the choices made for the presentation of the final text.

I do think, even by this brief summary, one can uncontroversially say this is a better preface. While it still lacks the practicality of information that is mentioned rather than explained about the context of the novel, its use of spoilers is sparse and isolated rather than extensive. No supporting references to other novels are made (which I think is a good thing, because those involve a certain requirement of familiarity for the reader), and while the personal interpretation of the editor is presented, it is not an opinion on why Persuasion is popular, but a reference, a way for the reader to organize and approach the text of the novel.

Now on to Oxford World's Classics, introduction and notes by Deidre Shauna Lynch.

Napoleon and the briefest historical context he provides for the novel

An analysis of Persuasion's uniqueness in the Austen canon through the character of Anne

The permanence/change break through the changed roles of houses and the predominance of travel in comparison to previous novels

The role of memory and with this a tieback to continue elaborating on the historical context of the Napoleonic Wars in England and the cultural change it brought in the understanding of History

Persuasion as a sequel-like novel, for which a main interpretative key is that of History and Memory

A stronger attention on aging and disability

The interrelation between war history and social history in the novel, and the time frame of the events

More elaboration on the theme of past and present and personal history, with a contrast between Sir Walter's reading of the baronetage and Anne's reading of the newspapers

An interpretation of Persuasion as commentary on Sir Walter Scott's restoration plots; Wentworth and Mr. Elliot as two forms of return of the past.

An analysis of The ConversationTM between Anne and Harville still on the theme of personal history.

A comparison between the two endings of the novel

The assertion that the novel isn't melancholy and nostalgic in the end, but open to the future

This introduction is much more meandering and essay-like than the Norton one, and in that way much closer to Shepard's, in its use of spoilers and commentary on a text the reader is unfamiliar with. It's definitely not a GoodTM introduction as introduction, but it still includes mentions of important historical context and keys to reading the text; and its commentary provides references not only to other authors writing at the time, such as Scott and Wordsworth, but of more contemporary sources as well. There is some poliphony to it beyond a mention in passing to Virginia Woolf.

Besides that, it's also worth mentioning that the volume includes a brief biography of Austen and a chronology of her life elsewhere, a full note on the text editorial choices, a selection of bibliography for further reading, and three context appendixes on rank and social status, dancing, and Austen's relationship with the navy. As much as I'd think those appendixes should have taken the place of preface and the preface a place of afterword, the information to the reader has been included.

In terms of this kind of extra, Shepard has included a chronology of the novel, maps, and pictures in his notes, which are features the other editions don't have that might be of interest; but he has not provided good contexts like the Oxford edition does, either in the introduction or as appendixes; or pieces of solid, well researched essays and contextual texts like Norton does. Both Oxford and Norton include the cancelled chapters in an annex; he doesn't.

Someone would reasonably argue that Shepard chose to include all contextual information in the notes, and here is where personal opinion comes across the strongest: I think he does it that way, not for the reader's convenience, but for the padding of the notes and to inflate the value of his role as an editor. The addition of titles to the chapters of the novel, and the repetition of notes and information serve, in my opinion, the same end. In my opinion, there is a substantial difference between providing someone contextual information before they engage with something, and giving it as the something unfolds. Your first experience of a soccer match would be entirely different if someone told you the rules of the game, the stakes of the particular match, etc, before you get to the stadium than if they were to feed them to you during the match; and I think the former is a much more satisfying and rich experience.

So, notes!

Shepard's editions have lots and lots of notes. For example, for Chapter I of Persuasion he makes 65 notes, against 9 of Norton and 15 of Oxford. A first impression would say "oh, that's a really nice lot of info!" until you stop to think if this is really such a heavy text that it requires a note every 40 words on average. That's almost two notes on the extension of this paragraph alone. Let's dig a bit more to see where are the differences in selection.

Norton's, as you might have guessed now, tend to be editions heavy on the commentary side through essays and articles, and so notes are minimal and sparse. The notes on this chapter are on "baronetage", "patents", "creations", "Dugdale", "worsting", "chaise and four", "Tattersal's", "black ribbons", and "alineable". None of the notes go over a line. Oxford includes all these, and adds "High Sheriff", "exertions of loyalty", "duodecimo", "heir presumptive", "awful legacy", "dear daughter's sake", "every ball", and "his agent". Listing all the Shepard notes would be exhausting, so let's try some general classification of the notes that aren't the ones above:

3 geographical notes that amount to "this is a place in England, see map", which are easily understood in context.

14 glossary notes which usefulness/necessity is very variable. Awful and town are very reasonable notes; one wonders the necessity of notes on bloom and independence which are easily understood by context.

This theme of usefulness extends to the rest of the general notes. That stillborns were not uncommon during Jane Austen's era, or that Austen's fabricated entry of the baronetage actually does look like an entry of the baronetage is trivial and not necessary for the understanding of the text at all. That lady Russell is the widow of a knight is something that the text will state the following chapter, and that knights ranked below baronets will be heavily implied there too. The explanation of what an old country family is literally reads as redundant. Many notes are like this: information that is trivial, explained further on in the text or easily understood through context. This is specially the case of notes like the one saying that cousin marriage wasn't illegal, that people of high status spent a lot of money showing it off, and that rich people also went into debt.

There are useful notes, but when you trim them down to the actually pertinent and useful, there aren't many more than the ones included in the Oxford edition.

Now let me take a look at some of the notes shared between Shepard and Oxford:

On patents/creations:

Shepard:

The book listed families in order of receipt of the title. Thus Sir Walter would first see the earliest patents (i.e., grants conferring the baronetcy); there would be only a “limited remnant” of them because most early baronetcies had expired by this point due to the death of all possible heirs. Sir Walter could only know this by consulting another book such as Dugdale (see note 9) and comparing its list of all baronetcies with the entries in his baronetage, for the latter would show only existing titles—that he has done this indicates how obsessed he is with the matter. This carefully acquired knowledge arouses Sir Walter to admiration for himself as the holder of a surviving baronetcy. He would later come to the many pages showing the creations, or new titles, of the last (i.e., eighteenth) century and feel contempt for their relative newness (his came from 1660; see note 12).

Oxford:

limited remnant of the earliest patents: a title was also referred to as a patent: ‘a writ conferring some exclusive right or privilege’ (Johnson). Sir Walter regrets the passing away of the families whose titles date back to the seventeenth century. James I had created the title of baronet in 1611 and had used the financial support he obtained from the baronets he created to fund his army in Northern Ireland. endless creations of the last century: Sir Walter’s contempt for the low-born recipients of the new titles that the government had distributed would extend to those who, like the commander of the Fleet, Lord Nelson (the son of a mere country clergyman), had recently been rewarded with newly created peerages for their war service.

Oxford omits information that will be said explicitly later on in the text (that the Elliot baronetcy dates from 1660), and in its place includes a very relevant example of a new patent to show why Sir Walter looks with contempt upon new creations, rather than simply repeating what the text says.

High sheriff:

Shepard:

The High Sheriff (often simply called sheriff) was, after the Lord Lieutenant, the leading official in a county, responsible for the execution of the laws. He served for one year. The position, usually held by a member of the gentry, carried great prestige and would be a source of family pride.

Oxford:

the chief representative of the Crown in county government, the High Sheriff presided over parliamentary elections and the administration of justice. Holders of the office (which is now a mainly ceremonial one) were chosen annually from among the principal land-owners of the county.

While Shepard gives me something I can gleam from the text itself (the social importance of the title) Oxford tells me what his job entailed.

The note on duodecimo is an interesting case, where technically Shepard's information is more complete, but he spreads it in such a way as to pad his note count and extension. He simply notes that it is a small book, and refers to a note on books on chapter X:

“Large” could refer to thickness but is more likely to refer to length and width. At this time books came in widely varying sizes. The principal ones were folios, in which a standard sheet of paper was folded in two to make the pages, quartos, in which the paper was folded into quarters, octavos, in which the paper was folded into eight pieces, and duodecimos, in which the paper was folded into twelve pieces. Thus the length and width of a duodecimo would be one-sixth those of a folio. The type of book would influence its size. Popular books, especially novels, tended to come in smaller sizes, while serious, scholarly ones were usually larger. Thus the size of Charles Hayter’s books helps spur the Musgroves’ worries about excessive studying. They might be naturally inclined to such worries, not seeming bookish at all themselves.

What's the reference for this note specifically? "and having been found on the occasion by Mr. Musgrove with some large books before him, Mr. and Mrs. Musgrove were sure all could not be right, and talked, with grave faces, of his studying himself to death." Clearly the natural place of this note is on "duodecimo" in chapter I, but by this strategy Shepard not only manages to make two notes out of where there should be only one, but inserts notes visually in chapters in such a way as to make it appear like he has lots and lots of substantial, erudite explanations to make all the time. This strategy he repeats a lot through the text.

It's these habits of trickery, of padding and puffing up that I find intellectually dishonest, and rather inexcusable in a man who is an academic and must know better. I have also accused him of sloppiness. Perhaps I could have been more charitable and say that Shepard is a Historian by profession, and the things that touch on the literary and the philosophical, his references are much more scarce and lacking, not particularly well researched (in contrast with his historical notes). I mentioned how despite being relatively similar in tone and aim, the contrast between Shepard and Oxford showed that the Oxford annotator was familiar with literary authors in ways Shepard wasn't. This reflects in notes as well. For example:

Pinny

Shepard:

Charmouth is another coastal town (see note 8, for a description). Up Lyme sits atop the ascent next to Lyme, and offers views of the town and sea. Pinny is a spot a little west of Lyme. (For locations, see map.)

Oxford:

Many readers encountering this description of the scenery of Pinny, just west of Lyme, have detected an echo of the poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s ‘Kubla Khan’ (composed 1798; published 1816). See lines 12-13: ‘But oh! that deep romantic chasm which slanted | Down the green hill athwart a cedar n cover. . . .’ The romance of the landscape is the product of a series of landslides, which have carried into Pinny Bay some of the cliff paths on which Austen must have walked during her stay in Lyme.

Marmion and The Lady of the Lake/Giaour and The Bride of Abydos

Shepard:

These are two long narrative poems by Walter Scott. In contrast to the above poets, Scott immediately achieved great popularity. The two poems cited here, his most widely read, were among the best sellers of the age—and in this age, poetry generally outsold novels, at least until Scott’s own novels appeared. Both poems are stories of love and war, set in sixteenth-century Scotland; a critical element of Romanticism was fascination with the past, especially the medieval past, and Scott was central to fostering this sentiment. Jane Austen mentions each of these poems in her letters. These are two narrative poems by Lord Byron, the other highly popular poet of the time. Both are tragic love stories set in the Middle East; fascination with foreign lands, especially ones regarded as highly exotic, was another feature of Romanticism.

Oxford:

The first two titles refer to long narrative poems, romances of medieval times, published by Sir Walter Scott in 1808 and 1810; the third and fourth refer to ‘Turkish tales’ published by rival poet Lord Byron in 1813. The poets’ representations of warrior heroes committing doughty deeds in picturesque settings probably contributed to their wartime popularity. Still, the notes that Byron appended to his poems adopt a more cynical view of their heroes’ sabre-rattling than do the poems themselves, in ways that distinguish their account of heroism from Persuasion’s, idealistic view of its chivalric war hero. Anne and Benwick prove themselves faithful observers of the literary scene when they attempt to adjudicate between Scott and Byron (an attempt they resume on p. 90). Similar efforts at a comparative evaluation of the decade’s two most commercially successful poets are pursued in William Hazlitt’s The Spirit of the Age (1825) and the anonymous A Discourse on the Comparative Merits of Scott and Byron (1824).

Our best moralists

Shepard:

These could refer to a wide array of works, especially from earlier years. The eighteenth century, whose spirit Jane Austen exudes in many respects, was characterized by a general preference for prose and an emphasis on greater rationalism than the Romantic period. Moral essays, frequently supported by observations on life and contemporary mores, were popular throughout the century. Collections of letters, often highly polished, also appeared. Finally, biography developed as a significant genre, and it, like much of the prose of the time, often had a moralizing tone, pointing out lessons and presenting examples of virtuous behavior.

The difficulty in following precepts of patience and resignation had been a popular theme of many writers, especially when discussing the influential philosophy of Stoicism, which counseled rational indifference to the ills of life. Similarly, as in all ages, many who preached virtue did not always live up to their preaching. One of the most influential prose moralists of the eighteenth century, and a favorite author of Jane Austen’s, Samuel Johnson, addresses this point in one of his essays (The Rambler, #14). He writes that “for many reasons a man writes much better than he lives.” But he argues, “Nothing is more unjust, however common, than to charge with hypocrisy him that expresses zeal for those virtues, which he neglects to practice; since he may be sincerely convinced of the advantages of conquering his passions, without having yet obtained the victory.” Rather, he claims that such a man should be commended for attempting to impart to others some of his own, possibly hard-earned, wisdom. From this perspective, Anne’s counsel to Captain Benwick, which does certainly come from her own extensive experience, would represent a valuable and benevolent service to him, whatever her own failings in achieving patience or self-control.

Oxford:

The texts Anne prescribes to Benwick would very probably include works by Samuel Johnson. Throughout the second half of the eighteenth century readers made an almost medicinal use of the essay series The Rambler (first published 1750-2), in which Johnson treats such topics as the dangers of solitude and the necessity of resignation in the face of loss. Johnson’s biographer James Boswell claimed of The Rambler that ‘In no writings whatever can be found . . . more that can brace and invigorate every manly and noble sentiment’ ( Life ofJohnson, ed. R. W. Chapman (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1983), 154).

Here I would note that the much longer two-notes reference of Shepard sits between vague and repetitive, and that in my opinion both sin by omission of Shaftesbury (Anthony Ashley Cooper).

Dark blue seas

Shepard:

Byron’s The Corsair, a work Jane Austen mentions reading in a letter (March 5, 1814), begins with the lines, “O’er the glad waters of the dark blue sea, / Our thoughts as boundless, and our souls as free.”

Oxford:

Benwick and Anne perhaps recall the second canto of Childe Harold's Pilgrimage (1812). Its description of the hero’s voyage from Greece and of the ‘little warlike world within’ (ii. 154) he enters when he boards the ship certainly glamorizes nautical life: ‘He that has sail’d upon the dark blue sea, | Has view’d at times, I ween, a full fair sight’ (ii. 145-6). They may also be remembering the lines that open The Corsair (1814), a description of the freedom that the poem’s pirates enjoy as outlaws: ‘O’er the glad waters of the dark blue sea, | Our thoughts as boundless and our souls as free’. In a letter of 1814 Austen sounds jaded about the Byronic heroes, such as Harold and Conrad the Corsair, who enthuse Captain Benwick: ‘I have read the Corsair, mended my petticoat, & have nothing else to do’ ( Letters , 257).

'eleven with its silver sounds’

Shepard:

The origin of this phrase, which seems, based on the quotation marks, to be from a particular text, has never been identified for certain. One commentator, Patricia Meyer Spacks, suggests the phrase may allude to a line in The Rape of the Lock by Alexander Pope, a poet Jane Austen certainly knew well: “And the pressed watch returned a silver sound.” The phrase does not represent a literal description of the operation of the clock, for the component parts of a clock were made of other metals than silver, usually brass or steel. Clocks were standard parts of a home, designed for elegant appearance as well as utility.

Oxford:

The literary allusion has not been traced. In 1921 Herbert Grierson conjectured that Austen was here misremembering the description of the coquette’s morning rituals that Alexander Pope gives in The Rape of the Lock (1712): ‘Thrice rung the Bell, the Slipper knock’d the Ground, | And the press’d Watch return’d a silver Sound’ (i. 17-18).

Note how here Shepard is crediting Meyer Spacks, but does not reference where (the Norton Critical Edition), whereas the Oxford annotation traces the conjecture to what appears to be its original proponent.

The pen has been in their hands

Shepard:

At this time there had been moves to improve the quality of women’s education, but it still was inferior to men’s, especially at the higher levels—no universities admitted women. As for books, while women had come to constitute a substantial portion of those who wrote novels, men dominated virtually all other fields of literary endeavor.

Oxford:

even as she has Anne object to examples from books, Austen echoes the precedents set by figures in the literary tradition who have previously commented on men’s monopoly of the written word. Anne sounds like the Wife of Bath in Geoffrey Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales , who is exasperated by male clerics’ representations of women, and, closer to Austen’s time, like Richard Steele’s character Arietta, who recounts the story of Inkle, the mercenary Englishman, and Yarico, the native woman of Jamaica whom Inkle betrays, so as to counter her male visitor’s trite examples of female inconstancy. Arietta observes, ‘You Men are Writers, and can represent us Women as Unbecoming as you please in your Works, while we are unable to return the Injury’ (.Spectator, 11 (13 Mar. 17 n)).

I'm not saying that necessarily Shepard's notes should be absolutely excellent in every single way and aspect in order for it to be a serviceable/good annotated edition; but all the things I have mentioned above make them appear to me thoroughly undeserving of being considered excellent, above the rest, or definitive.

[mountainrusing]

dandelion

885 words, no warnings, @dorlenemicroficprompts

When Marlene was a kid, she’d play the Don’t Step on the Cracks game, often with her brothers, but sometimes when she was alone. When she was alone, she made her own rule. If there was a dandelion growing between the cracks of the pavement, she was allowed to step on that. Like a special stepping stone made just for her. No matter the conditions it faced (Marlene’s feet stomping all over it) the dandelion would still spring up, bright and yellow, a vicious weed which wasn’t actually that vicious. It was… pretty.

Now Marlene was an adult, and she still played the game. Only by herself now, to avoid the scathing judgement of people thinking she was too immature to be hopping around cracks like some rabbit on crack. But because she was by herself, she was allowed to implement her own rule, stepping on the cracks through which dandelions sprouted. She could be a dandelion. Determined and undeterred, constant and alive, there for someone. Always there. Dandelions were pretty.

After a few minutes of hopping around cracks like some rabbit on crack, Marlene fixed her suit, and exited the deserted yard hidden behind large crates and old, no longer used vehicles, making her way to the office for nine a.m. sharp. She worked in marketing and design, promoting the company’s newest technology with charts, illustrations and logos. It was fun, creating images and adverts for the latest model of car, or engines which used less fuel but still travelled the same distance as before, or ethical robots able to assist drivers who would struggle in certain scenarios.

Engineers brought ideas to life, and Marlene helped the world see them. Except… Marlene wanted to make her own invention. Something creative and original and helpful, but that wasn’t her job. All Marlene made were adverts. Designing was fun, but she wanted to design something bigger. So when she sat down at her desk and got to work clicking and editing a poster for a new line of hydrogen fuel cells, she felt extremely empty, in need of something more. If she wanted to be that something more, she would need to put in the effort and cultivate her ideas, find a place in which they could help others.

She had no ideas.

Frowning at her screen, Marlene continued her job, one which only required making things look pretty, without actually inventing anything useful. Dandelions were pretty and useful.

- - -

Marlene was still frowning at ten a.m., when people began frequenting the coffee machine a couple metres away from her desk. Ordinarily, she would smile and greet them, except she wasn’t in the mood to care. (Or smile or exist or anything.)

From the corner of her eye, she spied Dorcas Meadowes (the beautiful engineer with the hottest ass and the most incredible brains whose ideas could make Marlene’s mouth water for days) grab her morning coffee cup, and usually Marlene would grin at her in awe-struck fascination while Dorcas shyly explained her most recent work, except Marlene did not want to hear about that. Well, she did. She always did. But she wasn’t sure if she could smile at Dorcas the way Dorcas deserved to be smiled at when she was feeling this low, so Marlene averted her gaze and pretended to be busy.

Somehow she felt even worse than she did before.

- - -

At the end of the day, Marlene turned off her monitor, cleared her desk and got up, frown still on her face. The frown was still there when she walked down the aisles, still there when she got into the lift, still there when she got out of the lift, still there when she made her way for the exit… gone when she exited.

Because Dorcas was standing there holding out a bunch of dandelions, and Marlene’s frown immediately transformed into confusion. And then a hesitant smile which mirrored Dorcas’s, as Dorcas held the bouquet out further and shrugged bashfully, “Uh, thought you might like some?”

Marlene stared at her. Slowly, she accepted them, and with a smirk she asked, “So, how’d you know I like dandelions?” The underlying question was, have you been stalking me?

Dorcas raised an eyebrow, undeterred by Marlene’s cockiness. “Because you are incredibly immature. Now, d’you wanna play the Don’t Step on the Cracks game with me? I think it’ll cheer you up from whatever,” she waved a hand at Marlene’s face, “depressive spiral you’ve frowned yourself into.”

Marlene gaped at her, and Dorcas shot her a mischievous smile over her shoulder before ambling off to Marlene’s secret deserted yard. Dorcas had so been stalking her.

- - -

“Huh,” Dorcas commented, balancing on a dandelion with the tip of her shoe. “This is kinda fun.”

Marlene scoffed in both amusement and derision, because this was very childish. But adults needed to be children sometimes. Sometimes, it was better to relax and play amongst weeds rather than constantly feeling the pressure of being useful.

Sometimes ideas come to you better that way. Marlene looked between the dandelion and Dorcas. She didn’t need to fix the cracks. She didn’t need to design something breath-taking and mind-boggling to seal them up.

She looked at the dandelion.

“I have an idea.”

Dorcas grinned at her in awe-struck fascination while Marlene shyly explained.

[6leggedhorse]

The 9 Lokean Virtues

I mean, every religion has some form of virtues, morals, ethics, or even rules to standby, respect and follow right? We so does paganism, and when you look at them all, they’re all in a way similar to each other. Today We’ll be diving into the 9 Lokean Virtues, and how you can implement them into your daily life cause boy I could be doing better to. Please get comfy, grab your favorite drink and snack and grab your pet and lets get into it.

Located in Pagan Portals-Loki, he lists the 9 virtues towards the back of the book. So here they are as listed in order from the book

Truth: Be real. Be true to yourself and allow others to follow their own truth.

Humor: Learn to find the humor in things, especially in yourself.

Humility: If you need to tie your balls to a goat to accomplish your goals, suck it up buttercup.

Cunning: Try to think outside the box. Don’t make a mess so big that you can’t find your way out of it.

Transformation: Don’t be afraid of change, because that’s how we grow. Don’t be afraid of self-examination and listen to constructive criticism.

Creativity: Creat awesome stuff. Try new things out. If you don’t like it blow it up and try again.

Accountability: You are the only one in control of your destiny, your own life, your own actions

Empathy: Try to see things from more than one perspective. Shape-shift into someone else’s shoes before you pass judgement.

Experimentation: A mistake is only a mistake if you do it twice. Until then, everything is an experiment.

REFERENCE: The 9 Lokean Virtues: Pagan Portals-Loki: Trickster and Transformer by Dagulf Loptson pg. 48 (eBook page)

Implementation

So now that we know about these virtues, how can we implement them into our lives?

Truth: We can start be learning that we can’t control everything. Ever heard of the phrase you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink? This means that you can lead, guide your friend, significant other, parent, sibling, co worker etc to the truth, but they need to open up to the truth and learn to except it on their own time and terms. We also need to learn how to accept the truth within ourselves; will it hurt? Probably, but you will hurt even more if you allow yourself to be trapped within ignorance’s bliss and the lies you refuse to accept. You can start to accept the truth, whatever it may be to you is by perhaps journaling the thoughts down or doing one of those shadow work journals you see blowing up on tiktok or meditate or you can even seek out mental health resources to get another perspective if you can afford it or have the resources readily available.

Humor: Laughter is the best medicine! Ever since I went through the worst few weeks of my life, I’ve grown attached to Cold Ones, with Anything4views and Maxmoefoe. The editing and the humor has kept me sane through the tears and anxiety episodes as their goofiness and the money they spend on Fiverr is absolute gold. Some people may not like Cold Ones and thats okay. Other things that can help make you laugh are memes and or recalling a funny story/memory or just going out with your friends, family, s/o or pet and make funny and good memories.

Humility: This is a tough one even for me as I like to take the easy way out from the difficult challenges. I currently work at a job with the most incompetent people as bosses; I wish I was joking. But I’m only there until May of next year and I can kiss that. Place good bye. For good. I’ve looked for other jobs, but alas I need something that ties into my major and unfortunately the shitshow I’m currently employed at fights right into that space. Sometimes we do need to tie our balls to that goat; it may suck, but hey, the goal is to be able to negotiate a higher rate of pay to save up for a house. This musst be done no matter how much I hate it. But don’t do this. Until it destroys your mental health, so be sure to take care of yourself.

Cunning: I have to do this w/ my clients and work. Sometimes clients can be difficult to work with especially if they’re minors. If I need them to do their chores, I if they don’t want to do it, I ask them to double check and see if their chore is truly complete. They go on ahead and do it and usually they’ll find something to tackle. To be cunning is to utilize critical thinking and problem solving skills in unique ways! Perhaps take an alternate route, instead of replacing that broken vase, find a way to repair it and incorporate art.

Transformation: The tower moment if you will, this one hurt me the most a few times, especially when it came down to my mental health. This one was a big vibe check, but I managed to get through it and ended up loving the changes that occurred. For this, I suggest having a really strong support system, and having healthy coping skills as some of the transformation periods can be painful, and trust me, they will hurt. Or not, it all depends on the person and their situation. For me and my anxiety, if I don’t know what the process is, i freak out and get really scared and anxious. So I try to research the topic depending on what it is like a medical procedure or getting my bloodwork done. That way if I know what to expect, I have no reason to worry about it. However this doesn’t always work for other people. You can learn to embrace the transformation by utilizing positive coping skills, getting enough rest, self care, and brain dumping into a jorunal. Or sketch book, or even watching something inspirational or someone going through the same thing and how they made it through their situation.

Creativity: Already in the name and kinda like cunning, utilize creativity. Nurture it, make it your own; it doesn’t have to be aesthetically pleasing or expensive. As long as you like whatever it is you’re doing. Without hurting people or animals or yourself of course. Whatever you’re into, please make it your own. With our hurting animals, people or yourself.

Accountability: This one also hurts but it’s mandatory in my opinion to learn to handle criticism and learn to own up to your mistakes. If you cut someone in line and you’re at fault, accept it. Don’t try to cover it up or run from it, i’ve seen people explain their crap away without thinking about accepting their role in things. The more you run from your mistakes, it will send you down a path of cowardice. You can learn this skill by perhaps rehearsing in a mirror or role playing, help yourself ease into it!

Empathy: This one can be draining, as some people thrive on this sort of attention. When practicing empathy, you really want to be protective of. Your boundaries and energy as there are people, as mentioned, live on this. Remember, it’s free to be kind to others, it’s expensive to be mean to others. Just remember to set boundaries!

Experimentation: Don’t be afraid to fail and try again. Keep trying, even if you need youtube tutorials, tutoring, or just an extra brain and set of hands. Don’t be afraid to keep trying until you get it right and it meets your standards. Until then don’t give up and don’t let anyone tear you down and stop you from success. Don’t be afraid to block people or cut people off if they say otherwise. It’s okay to experiment with things, sexuality, hobbies or whatever you want to try!

Epilogue

Writing this in a lecture was not in this evening’s plans but here I am. The ADHD is ADHDing tonight! Anyways, I hope you guys got some sort of positive vibes or ideas on how to implement the virtues. Or at the very least the strength to do or say something, no matter how anxious or scared you are. I’ll see y’all this Wednesday! Have a good day/afternoon/evening!

[lipstickchainsaw]

Sanctuaries and Sacred Places

As I went through the episodes of Arcane's season 2, act 2, I noticed a particular theme in each of those episodes. Characters creating their own little pocket worlds where they get to make the rules and pretend the outside world doesn't exist.

I'll be taking a look at the Black Rose, Viktor and Jinx (and touching on Vi by contrast), and how each of them interact with this particular theme, what their respective pocket worlds mean to them, and how they exist within the wider reality.

Because these characters are also closely related to the wider religious themes this season, I thought calling those pocket worlds 'Sanctuaries and Sacred Places' was fitting, and I will be touching on this theme here and there as well.

The Black Rose

Let's start with the most obvious. The Black Rose has what most of us would recognise as a literal pocket world, one that seems to exist entirely separate from reality, where they control not only the entrance and exit, but are also fully capable of shaping it to their will as suits their purposes. They use this absolute power over their world to psychologically torture their captives in order to transform them, alternating between insidious manipulation and harsh, direct pain and stress.

Their separation from reality, then, marks a separation from judgement, from accountability, from conventional morality, because if they were doing this sort of thing anywhere people could reach, they would surely be stopped. They consider themselves to be a higher power, and this naturally should place them beyond the reach of mortals and their petty ethical hang-ups.

And it is their power that allows the pocket world to persist; they're not exactly afraid to drag other people into it, and a lot of subtlety goes out the window once they've ensnared someone. They rely on their absolute control over the place to keep it alive.

Like the others I will be discussing in a moment, it is also a transitory space, a place of death and rebirth. We see this in Kino, a dead man, being used as a puppet to lower Mel's defenses, and even then he pretends his identity has been eroded away, much as the space they're in tarnishes and dishevels many of the aspects of herself Mel values, presumably in order to reshape her into something more suited to their needs.

But this is a transformation and rebirth for others, rather than for the Black Rose themselves (although they also take on a ton of different identities when Mel smashes Kino's face into the wall, so this 'different selves at war with one another' bit that a lot of characters deal with this season is almost being parodied by them here), and, even more, it is forced upon them.

They're a higher power, after all, they get to do that.

The problem with that absolute confidence that you're in control enough you can drag anyone and anything into your pocket world, however, is that one day you're going to be wrong, and drag in someone protected by a higher power themselves. Once said hypothetical individual manages to call on that protection, a tether of which exists even where you wouldn't want it to, your illusion of complete power over them shatters, your process of shaping them into what you wanted them to be aborted, as they are reborn prematurely.

And you're going to have to deal with that.

Viktor

Viktor's pocket world manages to exist within reality by virtue of it having arisen in a place nobody would bother to look: among the poor and homeless. It's in a place where nobody but the needy and desperate would even think to go, and so he gets to exist separate from all the powers fighting one another out there.

His separation from the wider world, then, marks a separation from its conflicts and inequities, the larger structural and systemic issues that plague the lives of so many. Whether you're Huck or Salo, you leave your place in those structures, in the wider society, behind at the door, much as everyone is meant to leave behind their capacity for violence.

In this, Viktor is asking people to leave behind aspects of their own identity in order to enter his sanctuary. In the process, he already starts people's transformation, before he actually lays his hands on them to facilitate their rebirth.

This buy-in from the people he is transforming allows the place to persist, and the fact that it is only those looking for transformation that even find him allows him to fly under the radar of those with the power to wipe him off the map, but what gives this sanctuary its true strength is that it grew with him.

As he grew within his devotion, so did the community he helped, and his pocket world grew to match it, until it can even enforce some of its rules on the world right outside its doors.

His sanctuary is, naturally, primarily a place of rebirth for others, offering them new identities from their shattered selves (with some of the rougher edges left behind), but he has transformed himself as well, with his work being done by both Viktor and Sky.

The problem with this, of course, is that Viktor is the one powering his world entirely on his own. He is casting his miracles from his own life force, with each rebirth her creates decreasing how long this sanctuary will be able to exist, and the fact that he exists in service to others leaves him without a way to recharge his own battery. Transcendent though his miracles might be, he is fundamentally stuck in the same place he was: this sanctuary is as temporary as his life was before.

It's tough to talk about this without specifying whether I'm talking about Viktor-the-whole, or Viktor-as-aspect-of-the-whole, but this is part of Viktor's embrace of mysticism, of what he calls 'the Paradox of Knowledge' that marks him as a true prophet and herald of his own higher power.

And it's what breaks the bubble of his pocket world, his sanctuary, as well.

This bubble is a little permeable. It can handle Singed and Rictus getting in, and Jinx getting her weapon back to fight them off. The rules Viktor's established are malleable enough to accommodate this intrusion and immune response without popping immediately.

It's only when someone who challenges the very concept of the rebirth he is cultivating, driven by his own higher power, that it fully pops the bubble, removes the protections he was extending to the people inside, and allows Noxus' violence to ravage the place.

Jinx

Unlike with the previous two examples, Jinx' pocket world is a secluded space by virtue of her only allowing a select few influences to even know about it. This is a place for her, and it's a place where she doesn't have to be Powder, and doesn't have to be Jinx, both of which are identities that have well and truly shattered over the course of season 1, and act 1 of this season.

This is a place for her to be happy, and pretend all the misery she's associated with, for herself and others, don't exist. Just as she hides away from those two broken identities, she hides away from the rough and broken reality right out there, living in her little fantasies, as Sevika calls them, and, as Sevika also points out, this pocket world can't last forever either. Reality will come knocking on the door, no matter how much she hides away from it.

(She's up against Caitlyn, and given her investigative skill, it's not unlikely she'd be able to track her down even if she never set foot outside again.)

Secrecy is what keeps this place alive, but notably, for all that this place is created by Jinx for herself, and has existed in that vein since season 1, it now accommodates two people, and both of them have an influence over how it develops. Much as Jinx would like to ignore the world around her and its nasty realities, Isha keeps nudging her to step outside and face it anyway, and it's the fact that she steps outside of it willingly that makes this the only successful sanctuary we've seen.

Because a place where you get to set the rules, and relax and get a reprieve from the harsh realities of the world around you? Where you get to spend some time to figure out who you are and what you want to be? That's nothing unusual. Most of us just call this a home.

Vi

So what's it look like when you don't have that? When you don't have a way to shelter yourself from the harsh reality that is your life? Well, then you end up like Vi, rawdogging reality and getting beat down because of it. She didn't want to be Vi here anymore than Jinx wanted to be Jinx, but the new identity as a pit fighter she tried to craft was very much a fake, and washed away easily, because she never had the space to let it take hold: reality was always there to remind her that she was still Vi.

Hell, prison gave her more of an ability to develop herself, even if this meant reasserting herself as Vi by getting the name tattooed on her face.

Here she's just left entirely adrift, looking for purpose after having ruined and lost everything she cared about and fought for, looking for meaning to commit herself to, for someplace to belong, after everything she looked to before has been denied to her. She isn't able to build a new her because she isn't given the space to.

It's telling that Vi was so eager to stay in Viktor's sanctuary. Vi's a character who wants to devote herself to something, to a cause, to a person, whatever, and here's a cause offering itself up for her. Viktor could use a protector, and Vi could use a break from reality.

But Jinx isn't at all enthusiastic. She has already gone through a transformation. She has faced reality, and knows that reality matters. It won't just stay on pause for as long as you want it to, it'll keep going even when you're not looking.

Unlike Vi, Jinx has found a cause worth fighting for, something to believe in. She has people looking up to her now, people relying on her, and she's found that this responsibility, living up to it, is pretty goddamn validating.

So, she remains a skeptic in the face of this machine herald's fervour.

Because, if the murals on the walls hadn't tipped you off yet, she represents a different higher power.

Janna's Herald

When I first brought up this theme, I jokingly cut myself off from getting too deep into literary symbolism and calling this a womb, but it's a symbol that's stuck with me since. Each of these sacred places has been so very closely associated with death and rebirth, with different identities clashing and fusing, merging and growing from there, with immune responses to threats from outside (Singed is poison, after all, and he very much aborted Vander's rebirth when Viktor's protective barrier popped), that I have to look at it this way.

Jinx sacrificed herself on the altar to Janna, but she was not reborn there. She was reborn here. I've been somewhat negative about these pocket worlds so far, but this is what they are at their best. They gave this young woman a place to heal, a place to take the pieces of two broken identities and look at what still worked, and then put those together into a whole.

She did this with support and love from someone close to her, who facilitated and encouraged that growth, in exchange for sharing in the protection of this sanctuary, their own little sacred place, and so forged, with every laugh shared, a new identity from the old.

And when Janna's true herald stepped outside to face reality again, she held up. She held up under the scrutiny of her followers, her father, her sister, because that is what a sanctuary does. It gives you a reprieve, but only for long enough to pick yourself up and get out there again.

Now let's hope this identity can hold up even under its greatest blow.

[for-the-sake-of-color]

AAYYEE the 218th's Urban Crisis Response's very own Crisis Company as a revamped Draw the Squad!

after a year and a half worth of drawing practice, I like to think I've come a long ways, though my squad themselves have changed very little

Though if you're new here, perhaps some introductions are in order? Below the Cut

Captain Jet - Leader of the 218th's Crisis Company and Heartbeat of the Family

Captain Jet, formerly known as Corporal Jettison before he lost nearly the entirety of his Company during the first battle of Geonosis, only gained his rank due to the combination of a field promotion and a paper pusher rushing to get the 218th put back together with what forces they could get their hands on after their devastating first deployment, without vetting his Shiny New Promotion through the proper channels. Nevertheless, Captain Jet is dedicated to his soldiers, and to being the Kindest man he can be, not wanting any to suffer the burden of loss and shame he felt as everyone he ever grew up with died in the first week of the war.

Lieutenant Margo - Second in Command of Crisis Company and one of the Finest Technician's money can Make

The first Addition to the newly reformed Crisis Company, Margo left behind her own squad command to be the second to her Captain, Jet. Trusting in his judgement, Margo would follow him to hell and back, though for the first half of the war she largely follows him to a glorified guard posting for the republics embassy and shipping warehouses on Brentaal. She's a fine Leader and an even better Tech, though her specialties lay much closer to Mechanics than to Code-breaking. The only thing that tops her technical skills is her love of having a Fun Time. Body and Mind of a Super Soldier, personality of 'if a frat-boy was a girl'

Specialist Nihlus Brek - Ancient Sith Archivist and a loving Guardian of his squad with a Sadistic streak

After being shown selfless kindness by the Captains personal squad after the loss of his clan and his rough awakening from a forced stasis, with the 'permission' of the Jedi Council, Sith Lord Nihlus Brek now serves in the GAR under the command of Captain Jet, the only man who's orders he follows without hesitation or question, killing or healing as needed for the man he now calls 'Alor and Brother. Though it is true he holds love for his squad, the real secret of his unwavering loyalty is the Blood Oath he swore to Captain Jet, his orders now bound by sith alchemy, Nihlus has given his leader unwavering control over both their destinies.

Sergeant Cynic - Heavy Weapons Expert and Artist with an Attitude

Though an Urban Crisis Response unit doesn't particularly need a soldier who's second greatest passion in life is blowing things up with his rocket launcher, Cynic earn his place on the squad through the power of nepotism. That is, Margo's one condition for leaving her previous squad behind with little complaint, was that she got to bring her favorite brother with. Although his name may suggest otherwise, this pessimist (though he considers himself a 'realist') has a love for all things pretty and colorful, and quite the talent for copying it down in his small sketchbook, always making room for his small assortment of watercolors in his combat kit.

Corporal Lake - Spotter of the Squads Sharpshooter duo and self proclaimed Ethics Committee

Lake is likely the only one of the Captains squad that, once you get to know them, could be described as the republics ideal of a Good Soldier. That is, Lake is one of the few who spares even a second or third thought for the success of the mission and collateral casualties over the lives of his fellow squad mates. He is probably the only one who could say he would not give a thousand lives just to spare those he cares for. Nevertheless, although he has his own personal misgivings over the result of some of their missions, Lake is grateful for his life, for his family, and for the many chances he is given to fight another day. And, as always, his Captains word is Law.

Corporal Torch - Deadeye of the Squads Sharpshooter Duo and resident Troublemaker

"We're here for a fun time, not a long time!" Are common words for Torch to say before getting his ass beat for replacing Cynics fancy face lotion with space Nair or being put on 'Fresher duty for his ballsey yet comedic insubordination. Captain Jet often says the only thing that stops Torch from being demoted to maintenance duty altogether is his skill with a rifle, hitting targets your typical human would have needed the force to even perceive. Though in truth, Jet would not trade Torch's levity and loyalty for the galaxy itself. Torch and Lake are mirrors of one another, by choice, as it brings them great joy to be mistaken for one another by not only natural born humans, but also unfamiliar clones. As some of the last living soldiers from their original bloc of trained sharpshooting specialists, they refuse to be parted from one another, unable to bear the thought of losing the last of their batch.

Field Medic Heron - Resident Healer with a Big Secret

Heron tired of front line Medicine fairly quickly, as his zest for death did not hold up to losing his brothers one by one, upon joining the Urban Crisis Response Specialists of the 218th, his steadfast work and easy bedside manner landed him his place in the Captains squad rather easily, and he took rather well to glorified guard duty. That is, until the fateful day where an assassin droid hidden among their cargo took his leg, though in a feat of the butterfly effect, directly led to the squad meeting their Sith. His secret? On shore leave, Heron likes to kill people. In order to stay in line with both his own ideas of morality and his Captains idea's of ethics, not that Jet hears of his activities from the medic directly, he dresses in plainclothes and limps around, waiting for some unfortunate mugger to make their move. Heron craves the feeling of holding someone on the brink of life, having power over their fate, and then denying them the salvation they seek. And maybe sometimes he takes a bite or two, but that's his business.

Specialist Sprig - Explosive Ordinance Disposal Technician and Company Spymaster

Specialist Sprig, formerly of the 398th Ordinance Corps, got his name as a result of a growth tube malfunction in his infancy, leaving him 2 inches shorter than your average trooper. Despite this 'defect' as the Kaminoans would refer to it, Sprig would rank among the top of his batch with his skills in bomb diffusal, having a deft touch and a keen eye for detail. In a cruel and ironic twist of fate, Sprig's greatest fear is dying in an explosion, vaporization, desintigration, you name it. Reassignment to the 218th and his posting of glorified guard duty was a dream come true. Proton bombs vs backyard terrorists? Sprig knows exactly which he would take in an average day. With his keen eyes, sharp ears, and strong memory, Sprig also excels at information collection. His shorter stature and friendly demeanor is often very encouraging for those who have a burden they'd like to share, though one has to keep in mind, he has the ear of the Captain one short comm call away.

[rei-ismyname]

Mr Sinister should be experiencing profound existential despair

*Yes, I'm aware that he's not really capable of those kinds of feelings, but even from a character perspective the guy has lost his reason for existing. Huge spoilers for the entire Krakoan age, plus Heir of Apocalypse #1-3. We're talking about this guy.

One of the revelations of Krakoa was that Mr Sinister is not Nathaniel Essex, the 19th century Victorian eugenicist and scientist (now space god trapped experiencing the moment of death for eternity.) He's a clone *created* by Essex to achieve Domionhood (the highest form of non-linear gestalt machine entity - traditionally formed by joining singularities of machine intelligence together with so much processing power they are functionally Gods) through the study and utilisation of mutant power.

What a paragraph!

Here he is in 1924, threatening Destiny after killing Sinister.

He thought he was seeking Dominion for himself, not knowing he was a clone or that when he achieved Dominion his progress would be harvested by Essex. Essex created 3 other clones/variations for the same purpose but through different means -

Dr Stasis through post/humanity and Orbis Stellaris through the 'cosmic powers' (dude took over the Progenitor 's Worldfarm - a staggeringly impressive achievement for a 19th century clone from Earth)

These two dickwads

Finally, Mother Righteous through Magic (physically a clone of Essex's dead wife Rebecca, but just as much of a callous existential colonialist and monster as any Essex spawn.)

There she is, having a tanty after Enigma stole her Dominion success.

Each was created without knowledge of the other, and had mental blocks in place to prevent them learning about it. They ALL succeeded in various timelines and their efforts were harvested by the real Nathaniel Essex - Enigma, leaving the clones with nothing. Less than nothing. Alive but very dejected.

Making a huge unforced error

Instead of enjoying his godhood he chose to fight the X-Men and thanks to Jeanix, Xavier and Moira he's now a smear across infinity - defeated and broken but trapped at the moment of death forever.

Get Phoenix'd idiot!

Mr Sinister knows all of this, he even participated in the fight. Dr Stasis and Mother Righteous are dead, though Orbis Stellaris is still out there. His brain was only able to comprehend this stuff properly very recently. Even when working against Enigma there were still blocks in place.

Any one of these truth bombs would mess his head up, but all of them at once should ruin him. He doesn't have a sense of ethics but he does need purpose. Consider how bummed he was when the Progenitor ignored him on Judgement Day. He's not a real boy like other clones are.

- He's a clone with all sorts of fake memories

- Created with the compulsion to fulfill someone else's endgame

- Everything he's done for the last 200 years has been in service of Enigma's plan. Even the stuff that makes no sense. Especially the stuff that makes no sense.

- He has no other reason for being.

- Enigma smote him at least once.

- Enigma is dead, like super dead.

- Everyone else knows this as well

What the hell does he do now?

*Sigh*, he'll probably just be treated as Nathaniel Essex again, given Brevoort 's transparent policy of overwriting Krakoan lore. He could just clone himself with a new purpose/hard reboot as we've seen him do in Immortal X-Men, but how would he even decide? Also, he's the mutant devil - anyone who knows about him should want him dead, including some very powerful people. Two of the things I found insulting about Heir of Apocalypse was Exodus being next to Sinister and not eviscerating him AND Mr Sinister just acting like his old self as if nothing had changed. At the very least it should be explained - it's really not that hard either.

Mr Sinister is a system not a person, so he can make whatever changes he wants. It's not a very compelling villain if we don't know his motives though, and he's been there before.

Once that door is opened you can't ignore it. It'd be a shame to throw away the development he received, while ignoring potential for interesting new stories.

[daydreamingyuta]

127 as My Favorite Movie Characters

Taeyong ~ Edward Scissorhands

Both such sweet boys with the sweetest hearts 🥹

Also both make me sob uncontrollably all the time

Can come off as a little shy at first

Both have struggled with isolation and loneliness

Very accepting of others and has no judgement in their hearts.

Has pure intentions but people have a tendency to misunderstand them

Taeil ~ Calcifer

Both have their sassy moments

Can be playful when they want to be

Is also mysterious in a way that you can't tell what they are really thinking all the time

Literally so funny

Johnny ~ Iron-man

Both carry themselves with confidence (as they should because they know their worth!!)

Not afraid to be a little cocky when they want to be

Charismatic in a way that you can't help but love them

Literally anything they put their minds to, they can do

Yuta ~ Howl Pendragon

Both very loyal to the ones they love

Shows kindness and acceptance to everyone

Can be rebellious to systems or people that are doing wrong 

Flamboyant and very much have their own styles

Very protective and possessive over people they love

Doyoung ~ Sophie Hatter

Very responsible and has a strong sense of duty and a hard work ethic

Determined

Both are loyal to the ones they love

Shows kindness to everyone and has the purest hearts

Jaehyun ~ Sully

Looks intimidating at first but has such a gentle and loving heart

Protective over the one's they love

Both have a very playful side that comes out every now and then

Open-minded!

Jungwoo ~ Wall-E

Loyal

Both are so hardworking and dedicated to what they do

Very curious and always willing to discover (or learn) new things

Mark ~ Spider-Man

Both are very grounded and humble, not always realizing how incredible they are

Empathetic to others and their problems and wants to solve people’s problems

Sees the good in the word and wants to make it a better place

Resilient and adaptable to anything

Haechan ~ Paddington

Loyal

Both are protective over the ones they love

Good at adapting to new situations and overcoming hardships

They don’t dwell on the past

Willing to try new things

Has such a kind heart

Is a literal bear

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Liam died alone in a hotel room trying to drown out the all the pain he carried in his heart and soul, thinking the world and his fans hated him. He never got the chance to heal, make amends and find his peace. It all feels so unresolved and unfair and I hate how this all unfolded I hate it so much.

Oh anon - I'm sending you a lot of love. There's a lot to work through here and I do encourage you to feel what you feel. The lack of resolution is really hard and it will take time.

I agree with you that Liam lost the chance to heal and make his peace. There's something so heartbreaking about knowing that he might have survived this night. He would still be in a lot of distress, but living brings chances with it.

I don't know if it helps or not, but we don't know what he thought. He may have thought fans and the world hated him - he may not have been thinking about that and been thinking about much more personal that had nothing to do with fans or the world. It can be useful to recognise when we're telling a story - and understanding that the story we're telling isn't necessarily true.

*******

Like with the Gemma anon I just got - I am going to respond to some of what you say that I disagree with. I don't think that's incompatible with saying that you allowing space for your feelings is important. One of the risks of writing things down and sharing them - is that people will have a range of views.

I have really struggled with the way that fandom talks about amends, and I couldn't publish this without talking a little bit about why I've struggled with what other people are saying. I invite people not to read any further if that sounds like a stressful topic for them.

The way fandom talks about amends doesn't connect with the way I think about it - and the way I have thought about it when responding to abusive men. Fandom discussion has made 'amends' seem much more fixed - much more general - much more thingified than I understand them.

I would only ever talk about amends in a context where someone who had done harm had started towards accepting that harm and stopping. In my experience, talking about amends in any other context - misses the importance of those two steps and often acts on pressure for people (usually the person harmed) to ignore the fact that someone is still actively hurting people and actively in denial.

I think fandom discussion of amends has done that. I don't agree that Liam never got the chance to make amends. He chased Maya with an axe four years ago - he had a chance every day. One of Liam's last acts was to not pay sex workers.

If he'd lived he'd have had many more chances - and we don't know if he'd have ever taken them. And I think it's important that any attempt to discuss the interaction of his death and his abuse acknowledge all of that.

Ultimately - I don't think fandom discussion of amends adds anything to an understanding of what happened with Liam, what was lost with his death, or of abuse.

Before he died - I got an anon who was asking if they'd ever be able to be a fan again. I talked a lot about various things, but I ended with the idea that it was easier to grapple with this as a personal question than an ethical one:

I could be wrong, but I think the fundamental question here is about you and not Liam. I think your actual question is 'I still feel a lot about Liam and I’d like to be able to be a fan at his at the moment - but I don’t feel comfortable.’ If you accept that fandom is something that you do for your pleasure - then I think it becomes easier to answer this question. You can trust yourself to make this judgement.

I recognise now that I was talking about myself as well. When it comes to redemption - I think it's usually a lot more honest to talk about what we lost, rather than risk placing ourselves in the idea of a process that never happened and would have been none of our business.

So I'll end by saying - that I had so much affection for Liam and I would have loved to see signs that he was healing and recovering - and it's so sad that I never will.