#and is absolutely not accepted by the one person that matters the most

[honey-tongued-devil]

[Arcane Preference] And Their Favorite Hot Drink

Every time I say I want to make at least three, and every time it takes me a month to make three. But between today and tomorrow, I want to post something else with a cozy/winter theme, so stay tuned. Meanwhile, in my little self-promotion corner, I'll let you know that you can find my fanart here, and here you can find a fanfiction I'm working on, if you want to check out my other projects!

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Jayce:

Hot tea.

With lots of cookies, not just one or two like nobles who drink tea to be chic.

He drinks tea because it makes the cookies taste better and softer.

And if I told you he prefers fruity tea?

Basically, he likes a strong flavor, and fruity teas have the most aroma, although having grown up as the Kirammans’ ward, he’s learned to drink it in any form.

Viktor:

Sweet milk.

Or milk and honey.

Occasionally, milk, coffee, caramel, and whipped cream if he wants to be fancy, but he never has the time, so it’s usually just sweet milk.

He has such a stockpile that statistically, at least one bottle is expired, but it doesn’t matter; he doesn’t pay attention to those things.

Ekko:

Cappuccino. It’s quick, it’s hot, it gives energy, and the milk makes it sweet enough without adding sugar.

Easy to find and great for the group because it’s not expensive—just steal an industrial-sized can of milk and some instant coffee, and he can make it for more than 20 people.

Tea is problematic because there are no plants in Zaun, and in Piltover, they either sell it in small doses or loose.

Vander:

Hot chocolate, because I say so.

This man was born to be a father, and what do kids love? Hot chocolate.

Hard to come by in Zaun, which is why he always adds chocolate bars or cocoa powder as an extra price in his smuggling deals.

It became his favorite because of the connection it has with his kids and his happy place.

Silco:

Whiskey doesn’t count as a hot drink, and that’s a bit of a problem.

But luckily, coffee exists.

Not American coffee, long and watered down, but espresso.

He holds the small cup in his hands to warm himself, but subtly enough that no one notices.

Jinx:

Sugar.

Not a hot drink, sure, but any drink works for her if it has enough sugar.

Milk and honey remind her of when she was little, tied to special occasions when her parents actually managed to get honey.

But pretty much anything works for her: fruity teas with three tablespoons of sugar, hot chocolate with one spoonful, cappuccino with two…

Vi:

Anything works for her as long as the cup is big enough to warm her hands.

Simple and easy-to-find drinks are great, sure, but no one can convince me her favorite drink isn’t either hot chocolate with rum or a complex, spiced Piltover-style beverage.

She doesn’t mind sweetness but never adds sugar to her drinks—she’d rather choose something with natural sweet notes.

Caitlyn:

Tea.

English breakfast tea with sugar and milk is something her parents made her during festive mornings, so it holds sentimental value.

But the tea she’s used to drinking is Oolong or Yorkshire, typical of the five o’clock tea tradition with her mother and occasionally their guests.

Mel:

Coffee and variations.

In my little artist brain, Piltover has an ethical equivalent of Starbucks, and that café is Mel’s happy place.

Coffee is easier to find for sure, but coffee-based drinks with caramel, ginger, and plant-based milk are absolutely her favorite.

She loves sipping them slowly, savoring the flavors, taking half an hour or more to finish her cup.

Sevika:

Whiskey.

No, she won’t accept that it doesn’t count as a hot drink.

She doesn’t like milk, but if she’s forced to have it, she spikes it with whiskey or gin.

The same goes for hot chocolate.

She’s not a coffee person either; she doesn’t see the point of drinking something so bitter without a real purpose.

[sunlighthroughthe-ashes]

what i loved best about this episode were the quiet moments of intimacy strewn throughout the scenes despite the obvious tension of the plot. heejoo and sa-eon are finally communicating — bridging the borders between their bodies and minds that three years of misunderstandings had erstwhile created.

film-director céline sciamma famously had one of her characters ask her partner: "do all lovers feel as though they're inventing something?" and the truth is they do — they all do. the gentle touches, the lingering looks — the scene in which sa-eon signs the words he wants to say most to heejoo in a crowded elevator (yet as a viewer all we seem to see is the two of them) are all evidence of a private language which only two people in love can speak. lovers invent their own language — their own particular promises of comfort — of care. of "it's you and i against the world."

i saw this whole episode as a metaphor on identity and invention: sa-eon's ability to accept heejoo in all the murky depths of her secrecy as 406 enabled her to offer him that same absolution — that same blind loyalty to whomsoever he is at heart. paik sa-eon's entire life has always been a veneer — he has always been surrounded by pretense on all sides. he's created so many personas — the powerful son, the polished spokesperson, the media-savvy mogul. but it's the identity that heejoo was able to bring to life in him — an ordinary man who loves his wife: that he cherishes most.

this is what it means to love someone to the point of invention: where only the person they can create in you matters. where only the identity formed from your devotion to them remains after everything else is stripped away.

"the only sa-eon that i want to keep is the paik sa-eon that belongs to you, heejoo." 🤍

[thetempleofthemasaigoddess]

Friends with benefits to lovers with Sabo

Sabo x reader, past Sabo x Koala.

*****

🎩 You and Sabo have been best friends since childhood, given the fact you both joined the Revolutionary Army as children. Your parents, a couple of high-level operatives, had been killed on a mission, and Dragon decided to take care of you from then on; this is how you meet Sabo, who had just been rescued after running away from home.

🎩 Given the fact you are the only two minors in the whole base at Baltigo island your friendship is almost a foregone conclusion, but it’s actually the losses both of you have sustained, the solitude and longing for what you have lost, that allow you to bond. Sabo no longer remembers he has two brothers, but he feels something important is missing in his life, an emptiness your friendship allows him to fill; you, on your part, devote to him all the love and affection you once held for your parents. You become each other’s safe place, confidant and supporter; even when surrounded by people you soon grow to care for and trust, you immediately look for Sabo when you enter a room, dry his tears with your fingers when he feels sad, and patch his wounds after training; and he does the same for you. You run away from the base to join him on his first mission, violating Dragon’s direct orders; Sabo beats the crap out of any man who touches you without your consent. 

🎩 You have promised to be friends forever, no matter what, and you can’t imagine a reason why that situation could one day change, not even after Sabo remembers his past. You hold him in your arms as he cries for Ace, feeling guilty he didn’t get to say good-bye, and when you accompany him to Dressrosa your friend introduces you to Luffy; you are happy for him, and never fear he could love you less, or even just neglect you, because there is someone else he cares for… 

🎩 … which is why you have absolutely no objection to your friend finding a girlfriend. Koala is a great person: kind, clever, brave and generous, not to mention very pretty, and the two of you become friendly when you find yourselves sharing a room in the base’s dormitories. In fact, when Sabo admits that he had developed feelings for her, you immediately take it upon yourself to arrange a date between the two of them: you take advantage of a rare moment in which none of the three of you have duties to attend to, steal two beers from the kitchen, and invite both Sabo and Koala on the roof, to enjoy the quiet and the starry sky as you share a drink. Both happily accept; you meet them on the roof, give them the beers and simply say “Enjoy your date.” before walking away, leaving a flabbergasted Koala and a blushing Sabo. 

🎩 They are a couple from that day on, and while you are happy for your friend, and to leave him some alone time with his girlfriend rather than being the sort of friend who always insists to tag along, you can’t help wishing you also had someone by your side. Many operatives of the RA find it difficult to pursue a long-term relationship, given that there is little time for romanticism in your way of life, no chance of going on dates or enjoying some privacy in four- or even eight-bed rooms, and the all-present danger and enormous pressure most of you are subjected to. It isn’t unusual for operatives to resort to other types of arrangements: friendships with benefits, occasional hook-ups, no strings attached affairs - anything, to find even just an hour of peace in the arms of someone who cares for you at least a little, and feel you are not completely alone and have reason to fight another day. It isn’t ideal but most of you make do, including you, who have had your first sexual experiences with some of your comrades but, no matter how satisfying and enjoyable those have been, you can’t help wishing for more.

🎩 Sabo always says that you are a great person, and that anyone would be crazy not to want you; he even offers to return the favour and act as your wingman if you ever need one, which you appreciate, but the truth is that there is no one you are particularly interested in, neither in Baltigo nor among the other agents you occasionally meet. You could find someone to sleep with; there are at least a couple people who would be glad to accept your invitation. The matter is, you want more - not simply a lover, but a partner, someone who cares for you beyond the warmth of your body, someone who you know would look for you as soon as he steps in a crowded room, think about you while you are distant, and with whom to hope for a future together, some day there will be no need for the RA anymore.

🎩 (Sabo does and would do all of it, of course. You know he cares for you enormously, worries when you are sent on a mission, and is always ready to welcome you with a big hug when you return; you have also promised to remain friends forever, whatever the future may bring. You can’t deny he is an extremely attractive young man either, slim but strong, with expressive eyes and a nice smile. Yes, you find yourself reflecting more than once, sometimes even as you lie in bed with someone else, Sabo does have everything you look for in a partner, and since you get along so well as friends, you would probably work nicely as a couple; who knows what could happen, had you met in different circumstances…)

🎩 Sabo and Koala have been a couple for roughly eight months, and clearly happy with each other, when Dragon asks her to transfer to another base of the Army, far away from Baltigo, to carry out a year-long mission. She and Sabo -who then tells you everything; beyond the most intimate details, there is little you and your friend don’t share about your relationships- talk about it, and agree that she has to go, since their duty towards the Army, and all the people she will contribute to defend and protect, has to come first… and also that they have to separate. “We knew a long-distance relationship couldn’t work, and since we had decided to be exclusive since the beginning, opening our relationship so that we could find solace in other people while we were distant felt wrong too.” your friend sadly explains that night as you have dinner “So we decided to break up, and one day, when Koala returns from her mission, we’ll talk and, if we both want it, we’ll get back together.”

🎩 You tell him that you’re very sorry for him, and he nods in appreciation, admitting that he has had better moments, but knowing that it was the right decision to make, and that they have parted amicably, is of some comfort. He will miss Koala a lot, but he’s proud of her for having been chosen for this important mission, and knows she’ll do great things; the next year will pass quickly, you try to comfort him, and the more they miss each other, the happier they will be once she returns. Sabo smiles, and later, as you leave the mess hall, he hugs you with his arm around your shoulders, before planting a kiss on your cheek. “Thank God you’re still here, (name).” he says “I really wouldn’t know what to do without you.”

🎩 Koala leaves two days later; you, like her other friends, hug her tight and wish her good luck, while she and Sabo, who have said their goodbyes privately, simply share a smile. 

🎩 You keep an eye on Sabo from then on, to make sure he is fine, eats and sleeps when he should, and that the loss of his girlfriend hasn’t distressed him more than he can handle. Thank God your friend seems to come to terms with his returned singledom relatively quickly; he takes care of himself, keeps busy with training and work, and he assures you that while he still misses Koala very much, and doesn’t feel ready to begin a new relationship, he feels alright and doesn’t regret breaking up with Koala. You make sure to be there for your friend, not wanting him to think you’re pitying him or to suffocate him with your affection -”Come on, (name), I just broke up with a girlfriend; it hurts, but it’s not the end of the world.”- but letting him know, without the need for words as usual between the two of you, that you are there for him, ready to help and support in any way he could need.

🎩 You never stop to reflect on the implications of your promise until one night, soon after the end of a mission, you return to Baltigo to find a particularly despondent Sabo; today is Koala’s birthday, and he misses her more than ever. Determined to take his mind off his ex, you steal more than two beers from the kitchen and invite your friend to drink them together, not on the roof under the stars -it would be indelicate, not to mention counterproductive, since it was there and doing that that he and Koala became a couple- but on the small balcony of your room. You start discussing your recent mission, but as the empty beer cans pile up at your feet, your conversation shifts towards more private matters… specifically, your sex life, or lack thereof.

🎩 “So they were very attractive, right? And they filled me with attention and compliments, which was flattering, and they made it clear that they liked me, so I thought, I haven’t had sex in more than a year and I just survived an attack unscathed, I deserve some fun.” you recount miserably, having already told him of the RA operative, a person you had never met before, you were introduced to at the beginning of your latest mission “And then we did it, and… and it was horrible! They did nothing wrong, I think they actually tried to make me feel good, but… but I felt nothing, nothing at all. I’m so disappointed… Five minutes into it, and I couldn’t wait for it to end. What’s wrong with me, Sabo? I’ve been with people I knew and liked much less, and it was still more pleasurable than this.” Your friend assures you that there’s nothing wrong with you at all, sometimes people are simply incompatible, and while he can sympathise with your plight, he’s probably in an even worse situation… “I’m horny.” Sabo confesses, intoxication evident in the telltale flush on his face “I know she’s been away for less than a month, but Koala and I had sex almost every day, and now… I’m literally bursting. I tried doing it by myself, but it’s not enough, and I have no other choice, since even though we agreed we would be free to see other people there’s no one I am even remotely interested in. I swear, if I don’t have sex soon, and a lot of it, I’m gonna lose my mind.”

🎩 You both reflect on your misfortune for a while, sitting in companionable silence; you have drunk much more than you are used to and you know it, but nonetheless, the idea that suddenly blossoms in your mind feels like the best you’ve ever had, a brilliant solution to both your and your friend’s problem. “You could have it with me.” you suggest. “... what? Have what?” “Sex, of course. Think about it! There is no one we are closer to than each other; this has to count for something, right? I’m sure it’d be great between us, even though we don’t love each other like that. We could simply have fun, keep each other company, and when Koala returns we simply stop and go back to being friends. What’s wrong?” you ask, seeing the hesitation on Sabo’s face “Is the prospect of having sex with me so unbearable? Don’t you think I’m attractive?”

🎩 “Of course I do! (name), I think you are as beautiful on the outside as you are inside, which is saying something. But you know how complicated things can get between people who date or have sex, especially when there isn’t a stable relationship behind it; the last thing I want is there to be tension or misunderstanding between us. I can live without sex, but losing you, or knowing I made you cry? No, that I couldn’t bear it; isn’t it better if things remain like they have always been?” he points out. You understand his point of view, but, you consider, you do share a stable relationship, the longest and most affectionate of your lives, and neither of you would ever do anything to hurt the other; as long as you establish some rules, you can’t imagine a single reason why you you could come to regret this arrangement; if anything, your friendship will come out strengthened, because it will be another experience that you have shared. 

🎩 “You seem so optimistic…” Sabo considers “Is actually you talking, or the beer?”, but you can see in his eyes your proposal has intrigued him, and part of him is tempted to accept. “Let me think about it for a while, alright? And you should too, once you’re sober.” You promise, and you spend a few minutes more enjoying each other’s company before returning in, swaying a bit and holding on to each other to remain upright. When he says goodbye on the door of your room, Sabo’s kiss on your cheek feels warmer than usual.

🎩 Over the next few days, as you reflect on the conversation you and your friend shared -it takes you almost forty-eight hours to sober up, and the headache and the nausea are the worst of your life- you don’t regret offering yourself to him. You still think it’s a good idea, the perfect solution to both Sabo’s sexual frustration and yours, and in any case Koala is going to come back in less than a year, right? You’re ready to bet both she and Sabo will immediately decide to get back together, so you and your friend will simply have fun and share your pleasure until he can once again focus on his girlfriend and you hopefully find someone you really care for. Non-exclusive relationships do entail the risk of the two partners discovering they want different things, but you and Sabo have been friends for so long that it’s impossible for your feelings to change; once he’s back with Koala, you’ll stop sleeping together and your relationship will turn platonic once more, like it was before.  

🎩 There is no risk whatsoever; you are absolutely sure of it.

🎩 A few days pass, during which Sabo makes no mention of your proposal, even though you spend plenty of time together as usual. He has promised to give you his answer soon, so you’re not worried, and in any case, you know he’s thinking about it. It is the way you sometimes notice he’s looking at you, at your body, from across the room, as if he were wondering what you look like under your clothes; the fact he almost chokes, even though he is neither eating nor drinking, one day in the mess hall as he hears you moaning in pleasure for the delicious chocolate cake you have just tasted; the sensation of his hands lingering on your hips for a moment too long when he helps you descend from a step-ladder you had climbed onto to repair a hole in the wall. He is thinking about it, your proposal intrigues and perhaps even tempts him, and no matter how completely platonic your relationship has always been you can’t deny it, you are excited… and you have started looking at your friend differently as well, thinking things you never considered before. 

🎩 And then, terrible news reached Baltigo. Two of your top operatives have been captured by the Marines, and if they are led to confess the RA’s secrets under torture, it will be the end for you all. Dragon tasks Sabo with retrieving them; you beg to be allowed to accompany him, aware of the danger he’s walking into, but your leader refuses. Sabo hugs you tight. “I’ll be back before you know it.” he says, and a moment later he has slipped from your fingers.

🎩 Danger is a natural state of being for RA operatives, and Sabo is probably stronger than anyone else in the organization after Dragon himself, not to mention that if either of you  worried every time the other left for a mission, there wouldn’t be space for anything else in your life. You know he’ll risk his life, yes, but he’ll be happy and even proud to do it, to help your comrades, and because he, like you, is ready to give his life for what he believes in; you try to stay positive, which is easier said than done, hoping that he’ll be able to get away with it, like he has done a million times already. Days pass without any news of your comrades - any of them, including your blond-haired, fire-wielding best friend, until one night, at the end of a long training session, you are lying in bed -coincidentally, the only one occupied among the four in the room, since Koala’s space is yet to be occupied and the other two women are away on a short-term mission- waiting for sleep to claim you when you hear a soft, quick knock on the door.

🎩 “Yes?” “It’s Sabo. Open the door.” 

🎩 You obey, your heartbeat quickening, and you and your friend share a long, silent look, both knowing what the other is thinking and feeling. “Are you alright?” you ask, since given the state he’s in, Sabo must have come to you without stopping in his own room to clean himself or rest. He nods, quietly whispering that the two people he was sent to retrieve are back, exhausted but safe, just like he is, beyond a superficial wound on his arm that he already bandaged; he has already reported to Dragon, who then sent him to bed. 

🎩 You should urge him to obey, since your friend can barely stand and looks like he hasn’t slept in three days, but you don’t, rather you stand back to allow Sabo to enter, and then close the door behind him; he’s been in your room plenty of times, but this is different, tonight is different, and you both feel it without the need for words. “I’m happy you’re back; I missed you very much.” you murmur, feeling shy like you’ve never been with him, and your friend smiles, taking your face in his hand; your gazes meet once more. “Is the offer still valid?” Sabo murmurs -or at least you think he does; the pounding of your heart is almost deafening- and you can feel he’s trembling. “Of course.” you whisper, taking his hands in yours to intertwine your fingers, and then his forehead is resting against yours, only for a moment, before both of you move to allow your mouths to meet.

🎩 Your first kiss is an explosion of fireworks in your chest. It’s messy and awkward and uncoordinated, like two relatively expert dancers who pair up for the first time and struggle to keep up with each other, and there’s too much saliva and Sabo must have recently eaten something very spicy, which you’ve always found unpleasant, but it’s him, it’s you, the two of you together, and this is why it feels like magic, a bit unreal and new but in no way wrong. Quite the opposite really…

🎩 By the time you break the kiss, Sabo is holding you by the hips, the touch gentle but firm, and you’ve wrapped your arms around his neck, your fingers playing with his hair; your gazes meet once more, and you can see he’s blushing. “It was… amazing…” you murmur, and you see a smile of relief blossom on your friend’s mouth. “It was; I couldn’t stop thinking about you, about kissing you, it was driving me crazy… and I know we should stop and talk before we do anything else, but I can’t…” Your finger pressed on his lips silences him. “It’s alright.” you murmur “There will be time to talk; now I just want to feel you.”  

🎩 You share a long kiss while you walk to your bed, and another as you start removing your clothes, still a bit clumsy but more and more enthusiastic as you realise how pleasant what you are doing is, and how the other person seems to appreciate it. You’ve seen Sabo shirtless a thousand times, since that is how he usually trains and you’ve often been required to patch his wounds, but tonight the sight of his naked torso is enough to take your breath away. Soon you’re sitting on the bed together, and “May I?” Sabo asks softly, reaching towards you, and you nod, and he takes care of your underclothes and you of his, and a moment later you’re kissing again, you lying on the bed and him bent over you, as you touch each other. Sabo’s mouth descends from your mouth to your throat and your chest, sweet and shy and worshipful; he murmurs that you’re beautiful and soft and that he wants you like he’s never wanted anyone before, and you know, simply know, that he’s sincere.

🎩 Sex between you is intense, slow but passionate, desire and pleasure made almost uncontrollable by the affection you share. You blush when Sabo holds your breasts in his hands and murmurs they are bigger than he imagined, and you hear him make the most delicious moans when you take him in your mouth, filling your senses with his taste and his smell. You’ve always thought he’s handsome, but you’ve never seen him so breath-takingly beautiful as he is now that he holds you in his arms, murmuring sweet words in your ear as his warm hand caresses your skin. “I want you; Sabo, I need you, I need you so much.” you confess, and you see awe in his eyes when he touches the most intimate part of you and feels how wet you are for him. 

🎩 He’s gentle and careful not to cause you pain as he finally penetrates you, but the realisation that the sounds you’re making express pleasure rather than pain makes him more bold, and soon you’re moving together, his hips pressing against yours, your nails scratching his back, and the world outside the room disappears as you hold on to Sabo and pray this night never ends. You end up having sex two times; Sabo apologises for being too tired to do it a third time and you assure him that you don’t mind, that it was amazing and perfect, and that in any case you have a year to do it as many times as you want, so what’s the hurry?

🎩 Sabo laughs softly, his fingers playing with your hair. “Thank you.” he murmurs, his eyes so full of affection and gratitude it’s almost overwhelming “I am glad we got to share this; it has never been like this before, and I’d have never experienced it if you hadn’t offered.” You assure him that he’s more than welcome, and that you can’t wait to see what this new side of your friendship will lead you to. “Do you want to stay? Please?” you ask; Sabo’s happy smile is the only answer that you need, and what happens next is something neither of you has ever experienced before, with any of their previous partners: you fall asleep together, holding each other, lulled by the sound of your heartbeats.

🎩 The next morning Sabo has to wake up earlier than usual to make sure no one sees him leave your room; now that you’re both well-rested, not remaining together for the previously promised third round is the hardest thing you ever had to do. You share a kiss, quick but loving, and promise to meet later; Sabo leaves after making sure the coast is clear while you remain in bed for a little more, enjoying the warmth of his body still lingering around you. You’ve never felt so happy in your life, and you can’t wait for the two of you to have some time alone again; Koala has been gone for six weeks, which means you and Sabo have roughly ten months and a half to spend together, and you’re determined to make the best use of the time at your disposal.

🎩 That night, after you have both taken part in a meeting with Dragon and other high-level operatives, planning a series of operations for the next six months, you and Sabo take a brief walk outside to talk in peace. You both agree what happened last night was amazing, probably the best sex of your lives, and since you want to do it again -and again, and again, and again- you decide to set a few rules. Number one: either of you can say no, stop, not now, or let’s end it here whenever you want. Number two: protecting your friendship is what matters the most; if you ever feel that what you are doing could make it impossible for your relationship to return to what it was before, you’ll stop. Number three: your relationship will end once Koala and Sabo get back together, or in case you meet someone special before that happens. Number four: no one else has to know what you are doing, since neither of you wants to be the subject of gossip among your comrades. 

🎩 And so it begins. You had heard someone say once that a close friendship is the best foundation on which to build a romantic relationship, and you can confidently say it is the same for a purely sexual one, because being with Sabo is unlike anything you have experienced before. He is, objectively speaking, a very good lover: relentless, generous, inventive, respectful, enough to make you forget any person you have ever been. 

🎩 With so little free time available during the day and the presence of your roommates making it almost impossible to have a space to yourselves during the night, you and Sabo have to get inventive in order to keep your relationship secret, which adds to the fun and excitement of being together. Your favourite meeting places are the pantry, a tiny room where you don’t even have the space to lie on the floor but with the added bonus of a door that can be locked from the inside, and the training room, whose isolated position relative to the dormitories relieves you from having to suffocate your screams in your hand, or against Sabo’s shoulders, to stop the whole base, or the whole of Baltigo island really, from knowing what you are up to.

🎩 You remember Sabo telling you that he and Koala had sex almost every day, and you privately have to admit it’s not only for his sake that you’re determined to at least measure up to that standard, which is not an imposition, since for days, weeks even, you are literally unable to keep your hands off each other. Kisses are stolen, gifted and exchanged in a corridor every time you can spare a minute before the start of your duties for the day; hands linger, only for a moment more, on bare skin at the end of a training session; reunions at the end of a mission become the occasion for a brief, intense rapport consummated on one of your beds, both of you aware that any of your roommates could enter any moment and unable to care. 

🎩 Despite having to share the relatively small spaces of the RA base with so many other people, no one seems to perceive something has changed in your relationship, mainly because your comrades are used to seeing you and Sabo together, and know how close you have always been. People occasionally ask Sabo about Koala, expressing sympathy for the end of their relationship, and an older operative offers to introduce you to an acquaintance of theirs who will stop by the island for a few days; both of you simply smile, thank your friends for their concern, and tell them that you’re fine as you are, while your hands touch under the table or your gazes, knowing and amused, meet across the room. 

🎩 Until last month, until a moment before this crazy, genial idea blossomed in your half-intoxicated mind, you had thought having sex with your best friend since childhood would have felt somehow wrong, impure even, since until then you had considered Sabo the brother you never had; you couldn’t have been more wrong. You had sincerely liked and cared for some of your previous partners, but as you expected he is different, enormously so, and you both know the deep trust and affection between you and Sabo does make sex even more pleasurable, while your new shared intimacy allows you to deepen and expand your previously platonic friendship.

🎩 Like you, Sabo is open to trying more or less everything at least once, so you compensate for the little time you have to spend together making sure every rapport is unforgettable, fun and passionate. You enjoy being pressed on the bed by the warm weight of Sabo’s body, as his lips descend to kiss every inch of your skin; and you feel equal pleasure in being pulled to his lap, your legs circling his hips, as your friend makes you bounce on his cock, his strong -very much so; you knew Sabo was more vigorous than his slim built suggests, what you couldn’t imagine was how titillated would be to have him manhandle you- hands holding you by the hips as he sucks on your breasts. You feel a shiver of pride when Sabo is forced to wear a scarf to cover the hickey you have sucked on his neck, and he can’t help smiling when he’s able to coax a fourth orgasm out of you, a personal record for both, in the course of a single amplexus. Having come into possession of a visual Den Den Mushi, you take a few photographs of your naked body, which you then develop and hide in Sabo’s jacket pocket, on the day he’s meant to depart for a week-long mission; he appreciates the thought very much, makes good use of them, and then shows you, beyond any doubt, that no matter how good the pictures are, nothing compares to the real feeling of your warm skin against his. On your birthday, Sabo gifts you a very skimpy set of lingerie, which you have no idea how he obtained even though it fits you perfectly, with a few strategically-situated slits and holes that allow you to have sex while you’re still dressed.

🎩 You have sex on Dragon’s desk. Twice.

🎩 He calls, and tells, you things you never imagined you would hear. Darling, doll, my beauty, my pretty girl, you dirty girl; these are only some of the terms of endearment Sabo never tires to use while you’re together, some tender, other sexy, and some both things together. He’s never been particularly loquacious, even with the people he cares and trusts, which is why you are pleasantly surprised to discover that while having sex Sabo simply can’t stop talking. “God, you look so beautiful. What pretty sounds you make! Does it feel good, (name)? Does it feel good when I put my cock inside you? Yes, like this, I want to make you moan loud enough for the whole base to hear… Mmh, you’re so wet for me, I know you like it when I do this…” 

🎩 You and Sabo still consider each other your best friend. You spend as much time together as you did before, train together, sit together in the mess hall, talk and joke as usual, without any awkwardness or tension. You know the affection you have held for each other since you were children hasn’t changed, and that while you’ll miss having what is without a doubt the best sex of your life -and how disappointed you are, knowing you only have a few months left to enjoy it!- you know your and Sabo’s friendship will easily return to what it was before, a purely platonic and perfectly satisfying feeling, once he and Koala get back together. 

🎩 At least this is what you keep telling yourself. 

🎩 Once, as you catch your breath together after Sabo fucked you senselessly against the wall of the training room, you ask him what is better, sex with you or with Koala; Sabo looks at you, startled, and at first he doesn’t seem to know how to answer. “Do you really want to know?” he asks you back in the end, and you, already regretting your curiosity and fearing the answer won’t be to your liking, hurry to shake your head in response. You avoid returning on the subject, but later, as you reflect on it at the end of a training session, you decide that yes, you really want to know whether Sabo prefers having sex with you or with his -currently former, soon to be once again- girlfriend. It’s a matter of personal pride, since while you don’t dislike Koala, quite the opposite, what woman would enjoy knowing she is less desirable than another? It shouldn’t matter so much, not when your arrangement is nothing more than that, a pact you and your friend have made to find relief from sexual frustration, but it does, it matters, even though it takes you a while to understand exactly why. 

🎩 Sabo never talks about Koala when you’re together, not even while you’re simply eating sitting face to face, fighting in the training room, or enjoying the cool of the evening on the roof with a single beer to share; out of tactfulness, no doubt, because he doesn’t want you to think he’s still thinking about her, maybe even looking forward to her return. There would be nothing wrong with it, you tell yourself firmly, since you know well how much he loves her, and in any case, feeling jealous of one’s friend with benefits would be absolutely ridiculous. You should stop brooding over it, you decide before finally drifting to sleep, and enjoy your time with Sabo while it lasts. 

🎩 Your good intentions last no more than a few days. You and Sabo have met in the training room once again, and are making love with you sitting on his lap, his lips burning as they kiss every inch of your body they can reach. It’s perfect -it rarely isn’t, when it’s you and him- Sabo is being as sweet and attentive as usual as he murmurs how beautiful you are and how good you’re making him feel, kisses you deeply and, as he always does, makes sure you have come at least twice before finding his relief between your thighs. Pleasantly sore, you hold him against you as you pet his hair and Sabo happily nuzzles against the side of your neck. “You are gorgeous, doll.” he murmurs, and you freeze.

🎩 Doll. This is one of his favourite pet names, which you usually like, even though right now it troubles you. Did he ever call you by your name, tonight?, you start asking yourself, and how often has he done it since you started sleeping together? Does he use those terms of endearment out of affection, or is there another, more hidden, reason? Maybe… that he wants to make sure he doesn’t say the wrong name? Also, you did notice that often he keeps his eyes closed as he comes, or hides his face in the crook of your neck, as if he wanted to avoid looking at you… as if he wanted to maintain the illusion it’s another woman he’s having sex with.

🎩 You are getting anxious over nothing, the more rational part of you knows it well, and your doubts have a perfectly rational explanation, but you can’t think rationally, and suddenly you’re tense, afraid even, in a moment when you normally should feel at your most relaxed, satisfied and happy in the arms of a man who has given you more than anyone else ever could. Broaching the subject now is probably the stupidest thing you could ever do, because it’s sure to upset Sabo and cause a fight between the two of you, but you can’t help it, because you’re afraid, afraid that everything you’ve done together, all the intimacy and pleasure you have shared, never existed, because the woman Sabo wished he had in his arms isn’t you…

🎩 You haven’t uttered a word, brooding over the matter as you played with Sabo’s hair and kissed his cheeks, as usual in moments like this, but he knows you better than you know yourself -even though, it will turn out, not as well as he thinks he knows you- which is why he easily perceives something is troubling you. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing!” “(name), I can feel you are tense. What’s wrong? Wasn’t it good?” You assure him it was more than good, as usual, but you were just wondering, and it’s perfectly alright either way, but… “When we make love…” it’s the first time you call it that “... is it me you think about? Or Koala?”

🎩 As you feared, you see hurt fill Sabo’s eyes; hurt, and disbelief, as he lets his hands fall from your hips. “What? How can you ask me that? Why do you keep thinking about her while we are together?” he asks, and you apologise, because you really shouldn’t have, just like, you privately add, you shouldn’t let the matter upset and sadden you, but it’s already too late for that “After all that is why we’re doing it, right? Because you missed Koala, and needed to… unburden. It’s fine, it’s not like we are… a couple or anything, there’s nothing wrong, I shouldn’t let this affect me… I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m doing this…”

🎩 Sabo looks at you, half hurt, half worried, and completely incredulous. “Do you really think I could do that? Think about her - think about someone else when I’m with you? (name), what sort of man do you think I am? Haven’t I shown you how much you mean to me?” “Of course you did! But I know how much you care for Koala, and it would be perfectly understandable if you…” “Is this what all of this means to you? Just empty sex? I can’t believe it!” Sabo exclaims; you end up arguing for a while, both angry and secretly guilty, and in the end you part to spend the rest of the day apart. 

🎩 You sleep badly that night, and spend hours staring at the ceiling of your room, calling yourself stupid and childish and cruel; the fact that Sabo wasn’t thinking about another woman while he was with you should make you happy, and it does, but at the same time you’re still worried, and afraid, because no one feels jealous of a friend with benefits, nor has the right to demand loyalty like they would from a partner. You didn’t mean to accuse Sabo of disloyalty, but you have to admit that the thought of Koala, a woman you sincerely like and consider a friend, has become a source of frustration, even of regret, even though you and Sabo would have never mad-had sex if it hadn’t been for the two of them dating.

🎩 You have no reason, and no right, to feel upset, or least of all jealous, that Sabo’s feelings for his ex-girlfriend didn’t suddenly disappear the moment he started sleeping with you; even someone with as little experience in romance as you knows that is not how it works. You know that Sabo still considers you his dearest friend, that he feels pleasure when you’re together, and that he’s not merely using you to forget another woman; but then, you can’t stop asking yourself, why does it hurt so much? Why can some part of you not stop wishing his feelings for Koala changed, and he decided he’d rather remain her friend rather than getting back together once she’s back?

🎩 Because that is what worries - no, what scares you the most; that one day, in a few months, Koala will return, she and Sabo will resume their relationship, and you’ll be relegated to the side once again - a thought that feels unbearable, even though Sabo never neglected you after he and his girlfriend started dating. The three of you had naturally found a balance, friendship and romance each having its own space without jealousy or recrimination, and there’s no reason to think you could not go back to it once Koala will have returned. It’s just… that you don’t want to. Sabo’s friendship is the most important thing in your life, something you’d defend with your life if needed, but knowing that he’ll be doing with someone else what you are now sharing… this breaks your heart. And for all of this, for this mess that has led you to fight with Sabo for the first time since you were twelve, you have only yourself to blame.

🎩 The next morning you look for Sabo in the mess hall, but you’re told that he came earlier than usual, ate quickly and left, without waiting for you as you usually do. If he thinks he can avoid you Sabo clearly doesn’t know you as well as you thought he did, and a few hours later, having made sure he’s not busy with something important, you corner him and insist you have to talk, which your friend agrees with a sigh. You both apologise for what you said yesterday; Sabo assures you that while you did start having sex because neither of you could find a more desirable partner -”Neither of us, remember? you were as frustrated as I was.”- he could never think about someone else, not even his ex-girlfriend, while he’s with you, because what you share is too precious and special, and he feels pleasure because you are the one giving it to him. 

🎩 While reassured, you still think the situation is different, because you didn’t have a partner Sabo might be jealous of, but while your friend suggests you conclude your arrangement, because as you had agreed when deciding on your rules not even the best sex in the world is worth the two of you fighting and he’d gladly remain celibate for the next decade rather than cause you pain, you hurry to reassure him you are fine, it was stupid of you to worry and you’d happily go on like you have done until now. You manage to reassure Sabo, who kisses you deeply and proposes to meet tonight, and you enthusiastically accept, joy and relief filling your heart.

🎩 You haven’t told Sabo what led you to suspect he was thinking about Koala while he was with you, but you do notice that from then on, he does start looking you deeply in the eyes as he comes, and using your name as well as the various pet-names. Maybe he always did and fear and anxiety simply forbade you from thinking clearly, maybe your friend is actively trying to reassure you; whatever the reason you are happier and more grateful than ever that you get to live this, with him, and that night in the training room, you hold on to Sabo’s warm and solid body for dear life, determined to enjoy every second of your time together as if it were the last of your life. 

🎩 Weeks pass, and things are going great between you and Sabo. A while ago a few new operatives have joined your base, among which a very attractive man named Tomo you quickly become friendly with; even Sabo approves of him, even though, he says, “I’m pretty sure he’s into you.” You disagree, pointing out that Tomo has never expressed any interest in you, but you are forced to admit you were wrong when, only a few days later, while the two of you are leaving the mess hall together, Tomo cups your face in his hands and kisses you deeply. It’s a very nice first kiss, the right balance between gentle and passionate, and it leaves you pleasantly dizzy, but you are too shocked to enjoy it properly, not to mention you feel vaguely guilty. Tomo apologises for having caught you off guard, admits he’s more than a little interested in you, and proposes that you spend some time together. “You don’t have anyone at the moment, do you?” he asks, and you find yourself hesitating for a moment before shaking your head in response, and ask for a bit of time to think about it.

🎩 You do what you have always done in times of doubt: you talk to Sabo asking for his opinion and advice. Your friend doesn’t seem particularly happy to discover he was right about Tomo’s interest in you. “What do you want to do?” he asks, and you, while vaguely nervous about the risk of causing another quarrel, answer truthfully, telling him that you do like Tomo, and would be happy to spend some time in his company, but given the fact you have been sleeping together for months now, you thought it necessary to ask for his opinion, in order not to create tension between you. “I mean.” you stammer, praying that the blush you feel creeping up your cheeks is hidden by the soft lights in the room “I know we are not… a couple or anything, and that we agreed I would be free to see someone else if I found a person I cared for, but I thought… we never talked about being exclusive, so…”

🎩 The few seconds Sabo takes to answer are the longest in your life; you warn yourself not to get your hopes up, because while you did the right thing sharing Tomo’s offer with him, Sabo knows he has no right to be jealous of you, and would most likely not be so in the first place; why should he? You are not dating, and while even a purely sexual relationship can be exclusive, he had to expect you’d get interested in someone else sooner or later. 

🎩 Part of you still wishes he were; that he was jealous of you, at least a little bit. It’s childish, and unfair, and even cruel, to wish someone you love to suffer because of you, but you can’t help it, because no matter how happy and flattered you are that someone else has expressed an interest in you, and well aware of the relative non-binding nature of your and Sabo’s relationship, you do wish the thought of you and another person together caused him some distress, because that would mean that he cares…

🎩 “I have nothing against it. Thank you for telling me, (name), but it’s perfectly fine if you spend time with Tomo. Do you want me to step aside while you see him? It’s fine by me either way.” Sabo says, which is more or less the reaction you had to expect, and the exact opposite of what you wished for; disappointed, and even a tiny bit heartbroken, you force yourself to smile and thank your friend for his advice.  

🎩 You are not particularly enthusiastic about the prospect of meeting your new suitor, but Tomo, to his credit, does manage to make you smile again. You meet that night outside, and he has prepared a small picnic for the two of you: a blanket, a bottle of saké and some snacks he has prepared personally, all of it to create a pleasant, romantic atmosphere for the two of you. No one has ever done anything like this for you, and it really warms your heart; you spend some time eating, and drinking, and talking about yourself, the past that has led you to join the RA, and your dreams and aspirations for the future. Tomo is funny, clever and kind as well as handsome; this time you’re the one to take the initiative and kiss him, and a couple minutes later the remains of your picnic have been pushed aside to make space on the blanket for your clasped bodies.

🎩 It feels nice; very nice, in fact, and you’re happy, and excited, when you and Tomo start undressing each other, and he’s sweet and attentive and passionate, and soon you’re having sex, him holding you close as he moves above and inside you, his kisses swallowing your moans of pleasure. The whole experience is more than pleasurable, both the sex itself and the time before that, that the two of you spent getting to know each other better. You do like Tomo, and would gladly see him again - in fact, you’d be ready to ask him yourself, if not for a small but crucial detail…

🎩 … that you did what you only recently accused Sabo of doing: you had sex with a person, thinking about someone else. 

🎩 The conversation you are forced to have with Tomo is the hardest of your life, and it fills you with shame, because the poor guy had perceived you have enjoyed his company, and felt confident you would accept to see him again; even worse, you’re not even able to tell him the reason for your refusal, vaguely stammering something about not feeling ready and having a past lover who you can’t forget. You part amicably, all things considered, but Tomo is clearly deeply saddened by your refusal, which fills you with guilt. 

🎩 Your first instinct as you return inside is to look for Sabo, but once you reach the door of his room you stop, suddenly aware of your own foolishness. Given the hour your friend is most likely sleeping, and no matter how close the two of you are it’s unlikely he would appreciate being woken up to listen to your plights, especially since you would never dare to tell him the real reason why you decided not to see Tomo again. No, it’s better if you go to bed, sleep on it, and then simply tell Sabo you decided you and your suitor are not compatible…

🎩 “(name)? What are you doing here at this time? Is everything alright?” Sabo asks, seeing you in front of his room on his way back from the bathroom; then he sees your face, and immediately gets alarmed. “What happened? Is it Tomo? Did he do something to you? I swear I’ll kill him!” he says, holding your shoulders in his hands, and you shake your head; his anger warms your heart, but at the same time you barely have the strength to meet his eyes, irrationally afraid that he might perceive what you did, and that it was his face, his smile and the way he has to say your name, that you thought about as you had sex with another man. He would not get mad, nor would he accuse you of hypocrisy, even though he’d have reason to; Sabo is above such vileness, but you can’t tell him, because you dare not think about how he would react…

🎩 “I’m fine, don’t worry, and Tomo has no fault. We… we did have sex, and he was fantastic, he was so sweet, but… but I don’t think I’ll see him again; in fact, I told him already I plan not to.” Sabo sighs - with what you perceive as exasperation, which is something relief can be easily mistaken for. “I see.” “It makes no sense, I know; but I couldn’t do otherwise, and now I feel so stupid…” You sigh. “I’m sorry, I know you want to go back to bed, but… could you hug me? Just for a moment?”

🎩 He obliges, naturally, and as usual, the warmth and safety of Sabo’s embrace is enough to drown all your pain and shame; you cling to his arms as his fingers run gently through your hair, and wish you could spend the rest of your life like this. 

🎩 Two days later, you and Sabo are eating in the mess hall. “I was thinking, and you’re free to say no…” your friend begins, his tone low to keep your conversation private, his eyes trained on his plate “Our… thing. I know we decided we would stop when she returns or you meet someone else, but would you be alright with being exclusive while it lasts?” “Yes, alright.” “It’s fine if you want to think about… What?” “I said it’s fine, Sabo.” you confirm with a smile, joy bubbling in your heart “To be honest, I wanted to ask you the same. Will you pass the water, please?”

🎩 You have always had the bad habit of making things more difficult than they are; but sometimes, things are easy, and one only needs the courage to see it. 

🎩 Time passes; beyond the occasional quarrel or misunderstanding your relationship is going great, both on the side of friendship, which is more solid than ever, and the one that concerns the benefits. Sex with Sabo really is the best of your life, to the point that you know you’ll miss it terribly. Part of you even fantasizes about asking Koala’s permission to keep sleeping with Sabo while the two of them date; she would no doubt find it unacceptable, and he would as well, no matter how pleasant your arrangement has been. 

🎩 Still, you dearly wish you didn’t have to give up on it; less than two months remain until Koala is due to return from her mission, and you find yourself counting the days with the anxiety of a student who is not ready to take a quickly approaching exam. You are confident that your friendship with Sabo will return to what it was before, and you feel grateful and blessed for it, but if you think about him and Koala together once again, enjoying the sort of affection he now shares with you… it’s unbearable. You have no right to complain, since all of this was your idea and Sabo did warn you either of you might end up suffering for it, and you don’t mean to. You don’t regret any of it, not a single moment of what you and your friend have shared in these months, and that is exactly why you wish it didn’t have to end.

🎩 It’s not just the great sex you dread having to give up; it would be much easier if that were the case. The truth is, sharing your body with Sabo has opened your relationship to an intimacy and level of emotion you had never experienced before. It’s something precious, special, delicate but addictive, that you doubt you could experience again with another person… while Sabo certainly will, and maybe he already has, with Koala, and it’s this -the thought of losing him and suffering for it, potentially for the rest of your life, while he quickly finds a more than worthy replacement- that makes it so hard to accept the fact that your arrangement with Sabo is soon coming to an end. 

🎩 This time Sabo doesn’t seem to realise you are worried and upset, which is a relief since you have already given him enough troubles to last for a lifetime, and you did agree to keep the truth about your new relationship secret, but you do need to confide in someone and ask for advice; fortunately, the wisest, kindest person you have ever met has recently come to Baltigo from her own island for a meeting with Dragon and the other RA commanders, and is happy to find a moment to talk to you. 

🎩 You and Ivankov have long been close; in fact, it was him who took care of you in the immediate aftermath of your parents’ death, making sure you were fed, comforted, and kept safe. You trust him more than anyone else besides Sabo, and he’s the only person you could ask for advice. You meet in the mess hall late at night, once most of your comrades have gone to bed, and Iva listens to your story intently; you tell him everything, even the most personal and embarrassing details, and admit that the problem doesn’t really exist, since you can’t stop Koala from returning home at the end of her mission nor would you ever ask Sabo not to pursue a relationship with her once again. “It’s just that I feel terrible, Iva, and I don’t know why.” you admit miserably, almost slumped over the table “I don’t want to lose what Sabo and I have now, but I have no other choice, do I? I’ll always be happy with being his friend, but I’m afraid I will regret losing him for the rest of my life. I really don’t know what is happening to me…” 

🎩 Iva sighs, looking at you with eyes full of compassion. “I think what you’re feeling is very clear, (name)-girl.” he says gently “I think you’ve fallen in love with Sabo-boy.” “WHAT?!” you exclaim, stunned, and Iva points out that would explain everything: your relationship with Sabo was already incredibly close to begin with, and the pleasure and intimacy you have shared in the last months have changed your feelings from pure, platonic friendship to something different. “That’s why the thought of seeing him and Koala-girl together hurts so much; because you’d want to be in her place, and know Sabo loves you back; and loving someone whose affection is directed towards someone else is a pain I would not wish on my worst enemy, no matter how close you and Sabo could go back to be as friends.”

🎩 Love. Is this what you feel? Part of you can’t believe it; you’ve thought Sabo is handsome for half your life without doubting your feelings were different from pure friendship, and you’re not naive and romantic to the point of thinking good, even exceptional sex, can make a person fall in love with another. You’re not in love with Sabo, for God’s sake! It’s just that something beautiful and special has developed between the two of you and you don’t want to lose it, no matter how equally precious your friendship was to begin with! And yes, you can’t deny you occasionally fantasise about being in Koala’s stead, and about a relationship that hadn’t been born with an expiration date, and hearing him propose you become exclusive made you happy, because it meant that he did care about you, beyond friendship, beyond pleasure and convenience, that he wanted to be with you because of you…

🎩 Crap. You are in love with him!

🎩 “There, there, it’s alright.” Iva gently soothes you, patting your back “Just breathe, (name)-girl. It’s not the end of the world, even if it looks like it.” It really does. “It’s over, Iva; what do I do?” you miserably ask your friend “He doesn’t love me, and he never will.” “You don’t know it.” “Of course I do; he loves Koala, and he’s been waiting for her for almost a year. I know he cares for me, we are best friends, and we’ve had some great sex for months, but what we share is just relief because she was away and I couldn’t find anyone. The moment Koala returns, Sabo will want her and no one else.” Iva, who has already met Sabo after his arrival in Baltigo, looks at you skeptically, and then suggests you discuss the matter with Sabo himself. 

🎩 “Why should I? It would serve only to create awkwardness between us, and I know Sabo enough to know he’ll probably try to distance himself from me in order to spare me pain, and so I’ll lose his friendship as well.” you point out “I don’t want that, nor do I want to spend the rest of my life hoping he and Koala break up so that I can… step forward. I need to keep this thing for myself, and be happy for what we had, and the friendship we still share; please, Iva, promise me you won’t tell him anything.” Your friend promises, clearly unconvinced of the justness of your decision, and asks you to call him, or write, whenever you feel the need to talk. You promise, and the two of you share a hug.

🎩 You remember the exact date of Koala’s departure, and soon its first anniversary is exactly four days away. “I bet you are counting the hours.” you comment one night as you and Sabo lie together in your bed, courtesy of the absence of your two roommates, both of whom have volunteered for a mission and won’t be back before tomorrow. You are curled up against his side, your hand playing with the soft hair of his chest, his legs intertwined with yours. Sabo, who despite his more than considerable stamina is completely out of breath -something you can’t help being proud of!- blinks, as if he had no idea what you’re talking about. “Sorry?” “About Koala’s return! It’s soon, isn’t it? Have you been told the exact day? We should organise a little celebration for her.”

🎩 And you really want to, because you do like Koala, and you don’t want to ruin what has until now been a good friendship; seeing her and Sabo together will break your heart, but at least you know he’s happy with his girlfriend. You’re determined to be positive, and be content with what you have. “Sabo? I said…” “Yeah, I heard you; it’s a good idea, but I don’t know when she’ll return exactly.” “Shouldn’t you ask Dragon?” “I will.” He doesn’t seem particularly enthusiastic, you think, rather his expression betrays tension, even guilt, to the point he can barely meet your eyes. But why? Does he fear his girlfriend will disapprove of the two of you sleeping together while she was away? It makes no sense, since the two of them had broken up and agreed they would be free to see other people. What then? Well, a year is a long time to spend apart when a couple has been together for less than that; maybe Sabo fears he and Koala won’t be able to simply pick up where they left off. What - oh God, what if Koala has met someone else? What if they decide not to…?

🎩 Stop. Don’t get your hopes up, (name); the higher you try to fly, the harder your fall will be, you tell yourself; it’s something your mother used to say. “Is everything alright? You know that whatever worries you, whatever you fear, you can tell me.” you murmur, taking Sabo’s face in your hands to force him to meet your eyes, and he nods, his eyes full of emotion. He doesn’t speak, but he takes advantage of the proximity to kiss you, hard, and you spend the rest of the night making love as if this were the last of your lives; you hold Sabo in your arms, not demanding to know what worries him, but making sure he understands that whatever he’s going through, he doesn’t have to face it alone.

🎩 You do love him. The feeling has been growing slowly inside you, and maybe you would have never realised it if not with Iva’s help, but now you know it’s true, and whatever happens you don’t regret having fallen for him, or having pursued a sexual relationship with him and then having to stop. You know Sabo will forever want to be your friend, and this is enough. You just want to be with him; nothing else matters. 

🎩 The next day you meet Dragon outside the mess hall, and ask him if he knows when Koala will be back, explaining that you’d like to organise a celebration for her return, and your leader looks at you strangely. “Koala has decided to remain at her current base indefinitely; she has been doing a great job, and the commander has asked her to stay.” he explains “I told Sabo almost a month ago, I thought he would have informed you.”

🎩 He hasn’t. 

🎩 You make sure not to meet Sabo for the rest of the day, including your now daily sessions in the training room late at night; you don't want him to worry, but the truth is you really need a little time to reflect on the recent revelation. Koala will not be returning to Baltigo, and Sabo knew already; he has avoided telling you for a whole month, and while you think you can understand why, you’re not sure whether what you’re thinking is rational reasoning or simple wishful thinking, and this scares you. You might ask for Iva’s advice, or simply remain silent and wait for Sabo to decide what to do; or you could act, speak up and tackle the matter directly. You could be sincere, like you and your friend have always promised to be with each other, and tell him exactly what you feel and think. 

🎩 Which is why in the afternoon you go to him and tell him that you have arranged for someone else to cover his duty for the rest of the day; Sabo blinks, nonplussed. “Why would you do something like that?” “Because we need to talk, Sabo, and I think you know about what; come on, we need to leave before Dragon sees us and finds something else for us to do.” Your friend follows you, his expression an odd mix of resignation and relief; you find a quiet corner to talk outside. “You know, right?” “If you’re talking about Koala deciding not to return, I do. Sabo… why didn’t you tell me? For a whole month?” you ask, and your friend sighs, taking your hands in his. “Do you really not know?” he asks quietly, and you, suddenly unsure, admit that you have your suspicions, but it feels presumptuous to even just hope they are true. 

🎩 “I thought… that it had to do with me; with us. That since we had agreed we’d continue to sleep together until Koala returned, the fact that she plans not to do so could mean that we can go on doing it indefinitely, should we both want it.” you explain, suddenly fearing you did get your hopes up for nothing; after all the fact that Sabo preferred not to lose his friend with benefits doesn’t necessarily mean he shares your feelings “You could have told me; you know I enjoy our time together, it… it wouldn’t have been an imposition.”

🎩 Sabo admits he was wrong to keep the truth from you… and that the possibility of you deciding to stop sleeping with him was only half the reason why he did it. “It’s just… well, I have cared for Koala very much, I missed her a lot and I’m still incredibly fond of her; but I have come to the conclusion that what I felt for her wasn’t love. I got to speak to her over the Den Den Mushi a month ago, and we agreed it was better for us to break up. She’s fine, I actually think she has met someone else; I don’t regret dating her, at all, but remaining together would have only made both miserable.” You nod, understanding his reasoning, determined to express what you feel but not knowing how. “I think you both did the right thing, and I would have never come between you, but I have to confess… recently I have found myself feeling jealous of Koala; of her… role in your life. You know how important our friendship is for me, and how great sex is between us, but… but I can’t help wanting something different; not something more, I would be more than happy either way, and I know you might never see me as anything other than a friend, but…” 

🎩 You stammer, not knowing how to conclude, but Sabo wordlessly opens his arms towards you, and a moment later you are embracing; he kisses your forehead. “You know I said I had realised what I felt for Koala wasn’t love? It was thanks to you that I understood that.” he murmurs “And I still want to be your friend, and to sleep with you; but knowing that we belong to each other would really be the best thing ever.”

🎩 No other words are necessary; you and Sabo hug each other tight, he kisses your tears, murmuring words in your ears you never dared to think you would one day get to hear, and you tell him how happy you are, happy to have him in your life, and to know that once again, you have chosen each other.

[liquidorcard]

Okay, to the anon who sent me the breakdown of what happened to Liquid Lily:

Thank you for the write up. I do appreciate you filling me in. But I'm going to use this as a chance to address the ground rules of how we address Courtney going forwards on this blog.

Let me be perfectly clear here:

Courtney's behavior as of late has been very upsetting. To me, to many of you, yes. I have very much privately expressed my own thoughts, feelings and frustrations on the matter in more private settings. There's no sneaky shade here, everything I've said I'd be more than willing to say to her face. I'll send her screenshots myself of everything I've said if she so requests it. I'm not here to gossip and bitch and not stand by it when confronted.

And Courtney on the off chance you're reading this, on the off chance you give a shit what I think of you and want to hash it out, my DMs are still as open to you as they have ever been. I'm not going to be brow-beaten because you don't agree with my perspective on things, I'm not interested in a pointless back and forth, but any concern you have with my presence in this cursed space I am always willing to hear you out on. The offer will always be there if you want me to signal boost something you want out there, of what little I can. It doesn't have to be a whole thing.

I'm also not going to wag my finger and tisk tisk on anyone else sharing their thoughts on Courtney's behavior. Nor do I want anyone to think I'm implying Courtney deserves to be coddled and babied because she's too fragile to handle people criticizing her.

With all that said. . .

Courtney will remain a no-poop-touching subject here on this blog. Obviously, she exists, bring her up when relevant, but we are going to refrain from name-calling and casting judgment. We are not making jokes now at Courtney's expense. We are not psychoanalizing her, speculating, making a circus side show. I will bring her up or respond to asks aboit her if I feel it's appropriate, relevant, or necessary.

Here's the thing gents:

Courtney and I have had some very similar life experiences. I'm not going to pretend to know her whole truth or suggest I'm an authority on her because of that, but. I know for me, having gone through what I did didn't help me become the most pleasant person on God's green earth either.

I never intended to hurt anyone, but I did. I have. I am very aware I have the capacity to do so again if I don't keep myself in check. I take full responsibility for the ways I have absolutely set bonds with friends, family and lovers on fire before. I hate it, I feel the full weight of that guilt to this day, but it's better to accept it and do what I have to to be better than pretend I'm a Saint. I've been told by people in flesh space and online how much they appreciate how "level-headed" I am. There isn't any kind of trickery afoot, I learned the hard way one too many times the cost of me not managing myself appropriately. I've put in the work to learn, and even then it's not like there's zero chance I won't eat shit and have a public meltdown caught in 4k. I hope that doesn't happen, lord knows I'm doing what I can to mitigate that risk-- but if it does all I can do is take the L and try to do what I can to fix it. I'm always hopeful the people in my life will forgive me-- and I'm thankful most do. But some don't, and I understand why. Some do, but it's better for both of us if we give each other a wide birth. Being a big boy do be like that sometimes.

And to be frank, if my abuser became an internet lolcow you couldn't fucking pay me to engage or come forwards. All of Lily's known victims are much braver than me. There's always going to be this extremely isolating disconnect when it comes to passive observers engaging with your abusers shitty behavior and you. The deep, crippling, profound panic and imminent sense of heightened danger is never going to feel the same. You might as well be on a different fucking planet, no matter how empathetic or accommodating they are. I can all but 100% garentee the histrionic way I'd be acting wouldn't paint me in a flattering light either.

I've heard some concerning information on some of the things that might be going on in Courtney's life right now. I trust the source it came from but have no way to verify if it's true. If Courtney publically confirms it I'll consider adding my two cents, having had lots of experience with what may be going on. Not that it justifies her actions, again, just very much contextualizes it.

I will say, I do think the sentiment of Courtney's frustration is more than valid-- I just think she made a lot of very poor decisions in who she directed those feelings at, then escalated things far beyond reason. I also empathize with her frustration over everyone and their mom telling her to log off because she's having an episode. I can tell you from my experience I would not respond well to anyone but a very close, trusted person in my life telling me that regardless of whether or not it was true. I've also seen plenty of OTHER dickweeds call Courtney "damaged goods" and the like all over the internet so I really don't blame her for shadowboxing ghosts now over it. You know who you are.

Being a victim doesn't make you incapable of harm or absolve you of personal responsibility. Lily's the fucking poster child for that.

The thing is, within reason, I believe in giving people a healthy amount of space to be messy bitches. Glass houses. It's one thing for me to comment on Courtney somewhere where there's little to no chance people will see it without context, it's totally different for me to put it out there in a space anyone can see it without knowing what went down.

Anon, I'm not scolding you, but I'm going to ask you be careful where and how you describe Courtney in the future publically. The last thing she needs is for more people to treat her like her trauma isn't relevant-- and unfortunately people routinely do expect victims to be perfect little angels. I'm not going to risk putting Courtney in the line of fire for that kind of behavior.

Thank you for your understanding.

[the-dragon-hearted]

Love in Arcane

There are a lot of themes in Arcane but an overarching theme is the dangers of love. Often times, love is put on a pedestal and mistaken as sacred. Love is always good, always "pure".

Arcane actively pushes against that.

I think a lot of the discourse surrounding some of the relationships wouldn't be as big if we recognized that love is just... not always a good thing. Silco and Jinx, Powder and Vi, Mel and Ambessa, they all display that - let me explain.

Silco and Jinx: Probably the most obvious example of this

Silco loves Jinx. This earnestly cannot be argued, he was willing to throw away his dream of an independent Zaun because he could not handle the idea of betraying her. Not losing her - betraying her. Hurting her. He was willing to give himself up, telling Jayce everything she did was what he ordered. It is not a possessive twisted love where he wants her near - he has spent her entire life promising that he won't betray her and he meant it.

BUT!

That does not mean Silco is a good father. He loves her - absolutely. But love is not always good. Everything Silco passed on to Jinx was an example of how he saw the world. Silco was a paranoid, hurt man and as such he made his daughter a paranoid, hurt woman. Love forms us, it teaches us and builds us. Silco loved Jinx but he hated Piltover. He was willing to use violence and use people to get to his goal and he taught Jinx that those methods were acceptable. And he loves Jinx, so she learned.

And after he dies, part of her healing is unlearning those lessons. It's no mistake the ghost of Silco she sees in that cell is a somber one - warning her about the cycle of violence she knows all too well. It's no mistake that Silco's solution was one he never managed to do.

A parent can love you, but that does not change who they are. It does not change what they teach you. Especially if they think they're right.

Powder and Vi: this one hits a lil personally for me

Violet is a parentified older sister, she doesn't just feel responsible for Powder - it's her purpose. It's more than a role to fill or a job to do, if something happens to Powder it is Violet's fault.

And Powder? Vi was everything to her. She looked to Vi for praise, for guidance. Everything she was supposed to seek out in a parent she had to look for in a fellow child. And when Violet leaves her (not really but that's how she understands it), she is ripped away from the only source of dependency she has. So there's a level of resentment there and a fear of further abandonment. Because if the most reliable person in her life can leave her, who won't?

When they reunite, Vi is trying to fulfill a role Jinx no longer needs. Jinx is independent. A lot of people try to say that Vi made Jinx or Silco made Jinx but remember that at the end of the day, Jinx is Jinx. She is a person who makes her own choices and has to find her own path. Violet can't recognize that until it's too late - and then, because she's known her whole life that it is her purpose to take responsibility for Powder, she betrays everything she ever stood for, puts on an enforcer badge, and takes to the streets to try to atone for her failure.

Vi sees Jinx as her failure.

And Jinx? When Vi comes back she tries to find that dependency she once knew. She tries to figure out if she can still depend on that sister who once meant the entire world to her. But she can't. She never should have. And learning that the person you idolize most sees you as either a child or a threat is gutting. Jinx is not a child, so she must be a threat. Because Vi can't love Jinx, she loves Powder. And Jinx can't be Powder anymore, and if that's the case then Violet can't love her.

They both do love each other. They love the memories of the other. Who they once were. When they start to learn about one another again and rekindle that siblinghood it becomes healthier - it's more meaningful and respectful but before then? No matter how hard Violet tried, even if Jinx had chosen to be Powder again, their love would not have been healthy. Violet needed to learn that Jinx was her own person. And that she was not responsible for her, not anymore. Jinx needed to find herself and recognize Vi's failures. Recognize Violet as a person too.

Because siblings change. They grow. Apart and then back together, usually. Siblings love each other but you have to love more than the person someone used to be. Otherwise, you're just pouring your grief on the person they've become.

Ambessa and Mel:

Perfectionist mother meets over-achiever, independent daughter. This is the clearest cut of all the relationships, in my opinion. We know Mel resents that her mother sent her away because she wanted to stay. She wanted to make her mother proud and if she couldn't make her proud she'd damn well spite her. And Ambessa? She loves Mel. She makes that very clear.

But sometimes, love is not something to desire. Sometimes love is synonymous with prison.

Ambessa's love meant she wanted her children to be survivors. Fighters. Winners. She wanted her children to be her.

Mel? Mel figured out quickly enough she didn't want to be her mother, she wanted to be herself. She feared what her mother could do but recognized the tactics and skills she honed were granted to her from the cradle.

That last word: "You have become the wolf."

The nail in the coffin. All the love, all the adoration in that tone, and yet Ambessa's love condemns Mel to a life she never wanted. Because now Mel is her mother's daughter. She is the wolf her mother raised. The heir. Mel loses everything she built and fought for as her Mother dies in her arms, by her hands.

Love. Succession. They can coexist with hate and damnation.

You can love someone and hurt them. Being loved can be hurtful. Love does not mean healthy. It does not mean good. Because love doesn't really have a tangible definition. You can love someone with everything in your body and still be bad for them. Someone can love you with all they have and yet haunt you long after their gone. I think we've placed love on this untouchable pedestal that we dare not touch or critique.

Because: "If it's bad for you it can't be love. No - people who love you don't hurt you. Love is only good. Love is good!"

It's important to know that being loved does not equal being happy, fulfilled, or safe. Better love exists. Healthy, meaningful, caring love exists. But even that will not always be perfect.

Love hurts. Love can be the most hurtful thing out there. Adoring someone rides a find line with glorifying them - love doesn't do that. Love knows your faults. It comes with faults. And adding the right combination of faults can make love a twisted sort of thing. Toxic is a word that's thrown around a lot and often separated from love.

Love can be toxic. It doesn't always become some separate entity, it just manifests sickeningly. Arcane shows us that.

It also shows us love can be good. It can forgive and accept. It can cradle and hold and save. It can last through dimensions and centuries, even through death. Love, like anything else, has many forms. Good and bad.

Doesn't Singed do atrocious things in the name of Love?

Doesn't Ekko recognize that even if he loves Powder, it's not his world. It's not his happiness to have. Doesn't leaving that love take strength?

Don't Viktor and Jayce find love in faults? In each other's shortcomings, not despite them but because of them?

Arcane encourages us to recognize Love's complexities and contradictions. And I think that's neat.

[ranticore]

im so curious about the kitchen nightmares au, is félix a waiter? are erica and jean creating crimes against the culinary arts in the back? why is esk of all people gordon ramsay

relevant background info was that when i first got my ipad and was getting to grips with procreate, i was also drafting the first go at mvf so i was drawing mostly refs and character designs, and while i was doing that on an ipad i realised that i could, for the first time ever, watch something on another screen while drawing. guess what i watched

this super old art was one of my first paintings all in procreate and i did it while watching kitchen nightmares. love the show (uk version only), it's absolutely terrible and fake and ramsay sucks but something Compels me

i drew a series of fake interview portraits for all main characters of mvf, as different staff members in a failing restaurant on the show. esk who was kind of the straight man/critical voice of the group ended up being the celebrity chef

anyway the basic plot is they work at a tacky outdated italian trattoria with all that entails, that serves french cuisine, in the year 2005. the restaurant was a money laundering front owned by helena but she was an absentee owner who would deny any claim over the restaurant flaws and be generally away & uncooperative

the restaurant was failing because it looked awful and the food was not good but also because the staff could not work well with one another and the constant arguments that customers would overhear was turning them off

the person who called in gordon ramsnake was the restaurant manager, Félix, in a very roundabout attempt to try to bring heat down on Helena

general overview of the staff & their flaws

Manager (Félix) - actively embezzling from the business, basically a middle manager tyrant trying to control everyone else, ambition of becoming the owner one day (and then they'll ALL see). Would deflect the blame for the restaurant's issues onto every single other person except Francis because he can do no wrong ever. Aw jeez guys we just don't know where the money is going!! Don't look at his meticulously-kept, well-hidden balance books or his incongruously nice car. He looks like the sleaziest businessman you have ever seen.

Head Chef (Jean, you guessed right) - confrontational and rude, could not accept criticism no matter what and would pick fights with customers who sent the food back. He could cook decently but only to his own schedule and preference. The type to go "my food is perfect and nobody can teach me anything" before esk convinces the owner to hire a new head chef who can actually listen to feedback. His prized menu hasn't changed in 7 years.

Front of House (Islin) - zero charm or charisma but otherwise pretty sincere, though it IS weird that an ordained priest is working here and not in a church somewhere. He explains in an interview around the back of the restaurant that he's identified a new route to finding converts because just knocking on people's doors hasn't had a good return. He has zero interest in any aspect of the restaurant experience. Attempts to preach to most of the diners.

Head Waiter (Erica) - he's clearly had no training and is never where he's supposed to be at any given time, and it almost looks like he's ambushing the diners while they're mid-bite on purpose. Calculated bare-minimum work while spending most of his time in the kitchens for some reason. In the course of the episode it's discovered that he makes a decent cook and gets relocated. He had a habit of telling customers that the food was bad even if it wasn't.

Barman (Francis) - eager to please and maybe the only truly friendly face in the restaurant, he's the only reason anyone comes back. But he has an inconvenient habit of giving steep discounts to women, so the bar almost never turns a profit. There have been a few complaints about Barman's inappropriate advances from diners & the fact that his shirt is always a little bit too open. He seems to believe that there's nothing wrong with the place and it's a perfectly legit successful business, so it's hard to get through to him to change his behaviour. Won't hear a word of criticism against Félix or Islin.

Sous-chef (Léá) - hates it here hates every second of every day can't stand anyone wants to be out of there asap but she knows she lacks the experience to actually be a sous-chef in a legitimate restaurant, which means she'd take a pay cut if she tried to find work anywhere else, so she's trapped. She has a habit of throwing parsley garnish far too liberally over every single dish because she read in a book from the 90s that this is how you get a Michelin star

Rival Restaurateur (Senca) - she runs an equally tacky fake unpopular italian trattoria across the street and she's been trying to get Helena's one shut down for years by doing various etsy badluck curses and getting the hygiene inspectors called on them but it hasn't worked yet. She suggested to Félix that maybe trying to get the restaurant on TV would draw enough negative attention to get it shut down (and then he could reopen it of course). She's a bit surprised he actually went and did it even though the show could not have been less flattering towards him and he's essentially turbo-nuked his own reputation into the dirt forever. But she's waiting behind the scenes to make an insultingly-cheap offer and then they'll ALL see

over the course of the episode the above flaws are identified. esk attempts to propose a remodel of the tired décor which is fiercely resisted by Félix because he kind of likes the fake tuscany look but eventually he gives in and the place is given a modern and fresh feel. it draws a crowd on its reopening night but the staff struggle to meet the demand, unused to such numbers, and it ends up with Jean refusing to cook and walking out (he's fired shortly after).

they regroup and organise a charming promo event where they serve real french cuisine in a stall outside (oysters mostly) to draw customers for a new lunchtime service. this is well-received because new Head Chef Léa (now even MORE trapped in a role she has no real claim to) doesn't have to cook the oysters so she can't fuck them up. Félix actually tries to be receptive to the staff he's managing, for once, and he does a good job of supporting them and finally effectively managing the floor.

episode ends with Esk walking away and wondering if it left the restaurant in good hands, concluding that "only time will tell". there's a sequence of the restaurant's one successful lunch service, everyone smiling and working well and diners happy, with the text "RESTAURANT closed its business in August 2005, three months after the filming of this episode".

Esk goes back to interview the owner and ask why it failed, and Helena just explains that she sold it and moved on while dodging every other question. Esk berates her for having no passion for the business, calls her lazy and immature, and she simply walks out of the interview.

[asneakyfox]

when people don't like the father figure angle on izzy the argument i see a lot is that ed doesn't seem to care about izzy's approval. and i'm not sure i agree about that - i think you can interpret ed's attitude toward izzy in multiple ways but it's quite possible to put together a believable read where izzy's approval matters a lot to him - but also i just. don't think it actually matters to the whole father figure angle if it doesn't?

like, the implication in the way people talk about this seems to be that craving your parent's approval is the defining emotion involved in any parent-child relationship and i'm...not sure that's always true? i think people can relate to their parents in a lot of different ways and while craving their approval is certainly very very common i'm honestly not sure it's absolutely universal. even if it is i don't think it's always the MAIN feature. particularly for someone like ed whose relationship with his own father was pretty singular! like, maybe he yearned for his dad's approval at points during his childhood but i honestly do not think that is likely to be the primary emotion he felt toward his dad, based on what we know about their relationship.

like, imagine - this is not a take that i'm saying i personally subscribe to, but i think it's one possible take - imagine both of the following are true:

ed really genuinely does not respect izzy or view him as any sort of authority figure or care even a little bit about izzy's approval on any level, not even subconsciously.

however izzy's hair trigger temper subconsciously reminds ed of a less terrifying version of his dad's rages (particularly since they both tend to be triggered by ed failing to perform masculinity acceptably - remember his dad's cut line about "making my son soft"). when izzy flies off the handle and ed successfully manipulates him into calming down, ed subconsciously finds the whole process comforting, not because he's gained izzy's approval exactly but because he's proving to himself that he knows how to successfully handle this situation that was a constant source of terror throughout his childhood - taking this enormous childhood trauma and transforming it into something safe and predictable.

i think it would be pretty fair to say that this constitutes ed seeing his father in izzy! actually not just fair, i'd say that would be one of the most important things to understand about the relationship! and if people are going to be like "well ok izzy might remind ed of his father in some specific ways but that doesn't mean he's a father figure, a father figure has to be someone whom you view as an authority and whose approval you crave"...i mean i get where you're coming from, but that just seems like a pointlessly rigid semantic quibble to me.

[heretherebedork]

I love Yuan so much. I adore this baby boy and his honesty and his openness even knowing that his brother will struggle with his identity, even knowing that he is truly in love with his brother, he is still going to come out of the closet and be truthful because he loves and he will love and nothing can change that.

What a painful way to come out, to try to be truthful and to be met with not just a questioning of your identity but a complete dismissal.

Pining, my beloved.

Just Yuan over here breaking my heart. I love him so much. And Qian loves him so much but Qian's trauma and upbringing have shaped him so, so much and so, so differently than how he shaped Yuan.

Absolute emotional devastation. The heartbreak of Yuan's identity being rejected by the person who literally taught him to love and has been in his heart forever... destruction.

Ugh, my entire heart for Yuan and he has to state that he's not related to them to try to appeal to acceptance and then just the heartbreak on their faces. Both of them for vastly different reasons.

And then Qian trying to blame himself for Yuan being gay and Yuan rejecting that and refusing to talk more about the person he likes and just shutting down only to reveal that his love is one-sided and that he's coming out as gay even though he doesn't expect to be in a relationship... ugh, my entire heart. Yuan is just so willing to hurt himself for Qian's sake because he's watched Qian sacrifice himself for him for so long that's how he believes love works, that's all he knows of love.

[genderqueerdykes]

when i tell people i only use it/its pronouns and that they feel euphoric and like i'm being referred to correctly, most people's immediate gut reaction is "i don't like that, i would be so uncomfortable being referred to as it/its."

i have great news for you! you won't be addressed by it/its pronouns! i will be! lucky for you, these are my pronouns, not yours, and at no point will you ever be referred to by it unless you explicitly ask me to!

whenever i explain that i feel great discomfort and dysphoria being referred to by they, he, or she, these same people suddenly fall silent and have nothing to say. imagine if every time someone told me they use they, he, or she pronouns, my immediate response was "i would be so uncomfortable being called they/he/she, i don't like that."

this reaction is one sided and is only used to target it/its users. no one else. when someone tells you their pronouns are it/its, keep your discomfort to yourself. that is your burden to bear. we have to accept that all pronoun sets, no matter how "normalized" they are, are going to make certain people feel like shit.

when a trans man asks you to use he/him pronouns because she/her pronouns makes him uncomfortable, your gut response isn't to say "he/him pronouns make me uncomfortable, i won't refer to you that way." when a trans woman asks you to use she/her pronouns because he/him pronouns makes her uncomfortable, your first reaction isn't to say "she/her pronouns make me uncomfortable, i'm not going to use them for you."

people can have bad experiences and even trauma with any set of pronouns, this is not exclusive to it/its. there are trans men across the world who feel like absolute shit when people use she/her pronouns for them, there are trans women across the globe who feel like absolute shit when people use he/him pronouns for them. nobody seems to consider this. any pronouns can cause discomfort.

don't single in on it/its users. don't make the first comment out of your mouth be about yourself. don't make someone else's pronouns about you. keep your personal discomfort with those pronouns to yourself. that is not the it/its cross to bear: that is yours. you don't get to decide what pronouns a stranger can and can't use, that's not your choice, you don't get to make it for them.

important addition from the tags:

[whokilledsamara]

hii!! I saw you write for homicipher so i was wondering if you could write some dark/yandere sfw & nsfw headcanons for mr scarletella 🥹 thank you so much & take ur time!!

MR. SCARLETELLA HC {N/SFW}

a Mr. Scarletella {homicipher} x reader n/sfw hc list.

{thank you for your support and nice words! :3}

warnings! : stalking, non-con, dub-con, hardcore, marking, slight gore, rough sex, violence, rough fingering, biting, cunnilingus, blowjobs, smut, murder mention, somno

{an : i didnt quite get what you meant when you said "dark" so hopefully this is what you meant. this is really hardcore. to the soft hearted people and people who cant handle ACTUAL freaky stuff, i wouldnt recommend reading this. there is a small section underneath the regular nsfw hc with a cw on it, so if you cant handle certain topics, there is still an nsfw section without it. he is my favorite character from homicipher ommggg hes so hot. id give him my name HAPPILY.}

SFW HC

sfw relationship/meeting him hcs

when you first meet him alone, he is very unexpected. his presence and constant facial expression is unnerving to say the least, but as long as you can manage that you will be fine.

if you end up "accepting" him, the relationship would be very weird.

he would be a wonderful partner despite the obvious other reasons, but dont think he wont be watching you constantly.

he will bring you daily gifts, consisting of anything he can find that he thinks you will like.

as for touch, he will let you touch him. usually he wouldnt let anyone even accidentally touch him, as he would teleport away, but one you are in a relationship with him, most boundaries he had before are gone.

he is rather fond of holding you. whether that be in his coat {for some reason} or just in general.

in Japanese culture {from my research, i am NOT Japanese!!} holding an umbrella with someone is a sign of love and acceptance. therefore he always likes you to hold it with him.

he isnt one of those "down-lo" kind of people. he makes it known everywhere that you are his.

he will do whatever it takes to please you. you are literally his princess/prince. even if that includes killing someone {he does it anyways}

if he catches anyone staring at you, or even remotely close to you, he will either teleport you away {if you are friends with the person} or kill them on the spot.

no matter how much he seems to be emotionless, anything involving you in pain or discomfort, it will flip a switch in him.

he has to be near you always. whether you know it or not, he will be there.

he hasnt quite grasped the concept of kissing or "romantic" things, but whatever you do he goes along with it. he rather enjoys hand holding or pressing his face into your neck.

he is the delulu type {this whole fandom knows it} and anything you do he will take as flirting. dont deny it though, hes too obsessed to care

he has a big thing for the height difference. he is a little over 8 feet tall, and feels a need to protect you at any cost.

any cost.

NSFW HC

what its like to have sex with him.

starting off, this man is a BEAST during sex.

he is a quick learner, and whether he is using his hands, mouth, or any part of his body, he will find those spots that makes you squirm.

one of his favorite things is you riding his thigh in public. say he was talking with Mr. Silvair, and happened to be sitting down. he would want you on his thigh "discreetly" getting off. bonus points if you cum.

he wouldnt be opposed to a threesome, but he has to trust the other person. a rare occasion.

anything you want to do, he will immediately comply. need him to go down on you? hes on his knees. even in public. need his fingers inside of you? absolutely. need his dick? against the wall you go.

he has a big dick, and luckily he knows it. he wont force everything inside at first, but eventually he will. you can take it. he thinks

he loves your body, and he makes sure you know it. even in his strange language, you can understand the things he is saying because he is touching you while he is doing it.

he makes little to no noise during sex, but not because he isnt enjoying it. he LOVES sex with you, but he prefers to listen to your noises. he would have it on repeat if he could.

you could look like anything and he would still find you to be the most attractive person on earth {or his earth, whatever}

for afab, he isnt one of those guys who has a hard time finding your clit. in fact, he doesnt even have to look. immediately his fingers will be circling that little nub that he loves so much.

he is a very dominating person, but it probably wouldnt be hard for him to let you dominate him. i say let because in no situation do you actually have control.

his fingering sessions are borderline violent, the pads of his fingers hitting that perfect spot with every curl.

cw! its about to get very dark and possibly triggering! viewer discretion is advised!

if you are one of those people who get off on your man killing for you, then he is the man. he will torture people in front of you as you touch yourself.

his sex isnt even borderline violent, it IS violent. if hes angry especially, he doesnt care if he hurts you.

afab, he will bruise your cervix and make you bleed. his tip hits so hard with his brutal thrusts that you will.

on certain occasions, {tw!!!} he will force himself on you. while it is rare, r...pe can happen, so be careful and dont piss him off.

he doesnt need sleep, so if hes horny enough then he will fuck you while you're sleeping. if you explicitly ask him not to, then he will just jerk himself off over your sleeping form.

dont expect to walk away from a rough fucking WITHOUT marks all over you. he makes it a mission to bite, claw, tear, any part he can. he wants you covered in blood, it gets him off faster.

will probably brand you with something

if you have a trauma kink he WILL use it to his advantage.

thats all bye bye!!! :3

{ made by @whokilledsamara }

[midnightwriter21]

demon slayer hcs: the hashira men as boyfriends

characters: tengen, sanemi, giyuu, rengoku, muichiro, obanai

AN: i don’t write for gyomei srry

TENGEN

- this isn’t just a little fling

-mans doesn’t wanna be ur bf

-he wants to be your HUSBAND

- and he’s gonna make that happen ASAP

- and when y’all get married you’re not just getting a husband

- ur getting 3 wives too

- it’s a package deal

- overprotective!!

- the way he made his wives promise to prioritize their lives over the mission

- my heart was bursting

- carries u around

- when tengen is around ur feet hardly ever touch the floor

- doesn’t matter how big or tall u are

- he’s bigger and taller

-he's big all over if ykyk

-nicknames include: sweetheart, princess, baby

- and don’t think he’s saying those to be cute

- he’s absolutely mocking you

-which brings me to…

- this man teases the HELL out of you

- but with love

- he loves you just as much as he loves his wives

- in his mind ur alrdy married

- and he is NOT letting you go

- or letting any harm come to you as long as he can help it

- 4 lifer fr

- id marry him

SANEMI

-i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again

-he’d tear it UP

-and i’d let him

- loves you so much

- doesn’t show it in public

- but in private?

- clingy as fUck

- he’s like ur shadow fr

- will follow u around all day

- hands on ur waist

- arm around ur shoulder

- holding ur hand

- he will not let go of u when ur alone

- in public he’s a lot less touchy

- but he will still stand near you

- jealous af

- every slayer knows by now to stay tf away from you or face the wrath of the wind pillar

- you belong to him

- makes sure they know it

- makes sure you know it

-hickey MASTER

-no i will not elaborate

- everybody knows sanemi is a little rough around the edges

- so there are days when it’s hard for him to open up to you

- but he does try

- he’s got a reputation to keep up!

-gotta act tough

-no weaknesses!!

- except for u

-he’s so soft for u he can’t help it

- nicknames: dumbass, idiot, & feather (my personal favorite)

-like i said he is almost always physically connected to u in some way when ur alone

-ignore him? he's throwing u over his shoulder

-he's strong he can manhandle u all over the place

-sheeeeeshhhhh manhandle me however u want sir

-claims ur super light no matter ur size

-hence the nickname "feather"

-i love him

GIYUU

-ik damn well this man had EVERONE in a chokehold from the first second he showed up

-speaking of chokeholds... ;)

-put me in one pls sir

-anyways

-awkward as fuck

-but he tries for u

-terrible with physical affection

-but we all know he's SOOO touch starved

-you'll have to initiate any type of physical touch

-and make sure he's not uncomfortable

-but really there's nothing he wants more than to touch you

-takes a very long time to say "i love you"

-but can u blame him??

-every good thing the poor man has ever had has been ripped away from him :(

-because of this he's veryyyy protective

-cause he'll be damned if the last person he has that accepts him and loves him for all he is

-is hurt or killed

-100% will die for u without a second thought

-not really a nickname type of guy

-remember he's awkward as hell

-most you'll get is a "-chan" attached to ur name

-and even that is only when y'all are alone

-but still

-even if he doesn't always show it

-you are always on his mind

-he's on a mission and walking through a market?

-he's buying you a hairpin or som

-walking through a forest and sees some flowers?

-"i wonder if she'll like these"

-AND HE'S PICKING U A BOUQUET

-ugh soft for bf giyuu

RENGOKU

-sunshine boy!!!

- epitome of golden retriever boyfriend

-all smiles all the time

-follows u around like lost puppy

-shows off for u

-yk when ur around kids and they're like "watch this" and then they jump and spin a circle lmao

-thats him

-"did you see what i just did?!"

-if u didnt...

-he's doing it again

-wants to impress you so bad

-also you will never have to lift a finger in his presence

-service bf!!

-you need the dishes washed and the floor swept?

-he's on it

-you need help styling ur hair?

-welcome to rengoku's hair salon

-will attempt to dress you in the morning

-and by dress you, i mean he's tugging ur shirt over ur head

-zipping up ur pants

-and tying ur shoes

-brags about you to anyone and everyone

-the other hashira can't have a single conversation with him without him bringing you up somehow

-compliments compliments compliments!!!

-he loves you and isn't afraid to show it

-nicknames from him: my love, my beautiful girl, sweetheart

-constantly confessing his love

-also lowkey speaks poetry for u

-some shit like

-"my light in the darkness, the one who gives me strength, you set my heart ablaze just by allowing me the privilege of seeing your smile"

-ugh he's the sweetest baby

MUICHIRO

-my airheaded angel baby

-i love him sm stop

-baby boy has a terrible memory

-that we alrdy knew

-but!

-he tries so hard for you

-keeps a little journal with notes and information about you

-so if he forgets he can remind himself over and over

-when he's on missions away from you he reads it so he can think about you to pass the time

-can not and will not remember anniversaries

-unless they're written in that journal

-will pick u flowers

-hope ur not allergic cause he's not gonna remember that

-but it's the thought that counts

-the fact that he's thinking about you at all counts

-you wanna go on a date?

-your dates consist of watching the clouds and taking naps together

-maybe a picnic if ur lucky

-no nicknames from him

-he calls you by your name

-its all he can remember

-he's the cutest

OBANAI

-like sanemi, he's a lot less affectionate in public

-however, he's not afraid to express his thoughts about you

-at least not to the other hashira

-might not be glued to your side

-but he's got eyes on u at all times

-and someone is talking about you?

-the second he hears ur name leave somebodies mouth

-he's tuned in

-and they better not say anything negative either

-mans turns murderous

-they will wake up to a snake in their bed

-will prob threaten them within an inch of their life

-don't have to worry abt other people while he's around

-cause he's got everything

-and i mean EVERYTHING taken care of

-protective but not pushy

-i feel like obanai trusts you and your ability to handle yourself

-but thats not gonna stop him from watching over you

-you're not drinking enough water?

-here comes obanai with a cup and u better drink it all

-haven't had lunch yet?

-he's sharing his with you. and will force feed u if need be.

-on a mission with him?

-he's not gonna push u behind him or anything

-but nothing is gonna get the chance to bring any harm to you either

-he's got ur back

-he's pretty vanilla with the nicknames

-nothing too crazy

-especially in public

-mostly uses ur first name

-might add a "-chan" in there every once in a while

-when ur alone he'll call you "sweetie"

-acts like a hard ass

-but he's soft for u

[kittyfrisk9]

IdeaDpxDc: A nice moment with a sleep demon.

Note: Sorry, I don't know English, so please use a translator. I apologize if you don't get the idea.

Dead On Main.

---

Danny accidentally absorbed some of Nocturn's powers (like in the Vortex episode), and now, with these new temporary abilities, why not take advantage of them? Like a kid with a new toy, Danny (or should I say Phantom: with a new design) has fun every night going from dream to dream.

The dream world is so strange! Without the constant threat of a dream entity trying to take over the world and all that. Now he has fun exploring the most unusual parts of his classmates' subconscious, or anyone's in general.

Even though he knows he shouldn't be doing this (after all, he's a responsible adult now), spying on other people's dreams isn't exactly something a mature person would do.

On the other hand, Danny is the responsible adult; Phantom is the one who uses his new powers recklessly. Plus, no one in Gotham knows who Phantom is, and at the end of the day, he's not hurting anyone. Point in his favor!

It was all fun and games… until he felt it: the unpleasant taste of a nightmare, distressing and desperate. Phantom knows he has to intervene, because, unlike Nocturn, he does not delight in the suffering of others.

So he goes. And what he sees shocks him.

Resonant laughter of a psychopath, the constant pain of flesh being beaten, and the devastating reminder that no one came to help. Phantom doesn't just see it, he feels it. Gross. What is this? Why would anyone be hurting a child? Then he understands: this is not just a nightmare, it's a memory, and someone is suffering from reliving it.

He absolutely will not allow this nightmare to continue.

...

Jason hasn't been having good days lately, mostly because instead of going to therapy, he's chosen to sweep his trauma under the rug and aggressively throw himself into crime-fighting. He's not good at dealing with his emotions, especially when he's been tormented by the same damn nightmare over and over again.

He knows the script by heart, he knows how it will end, but he still feels the same fear as the first time.

His head hurts.

"No, not again," he thinks in terror. Once again, he's tied up, unable to move or call for help. It's colder than he remembers. The walls have a grotesque tint, with laughter written in every corner. But the worst thing is the silence… until the sound of clashing metal begins to resonate.

Everything is a thousand times worse. He's sure the original scenario wasn't like this, but his terrified mind refuses to accept it.

The metallic sound resonates louder, each crash rumbling in Jason's chest. His breathing quickens, and then he hears it: that laugh.

A deep, distorted echo of laughter that seems to come from every direction. The laughter snakes around the grotesque walls, filled with the same letters that repeat his agony. “Ha… ha… ha…” fills the air, louder with each invisible step that approaches.

Then, he appears.

It’s not the Joker he remembers from that fateful night. This one is worse. Bigger, more deformed, with a smile that seems to tear at his own face. The colors of his suit are darker, more twisted. It’s as if his mind has amplified him, made him more monstrous.

“My, my, how little Robin has grown? But… something remains the same, doesn’t it? No matter how many times you live it, it always ends the same way. And to think that you were my greatest work of art!”

His voice is mocking, but behind the mockery is pure cruelty, a wicked amusement that lights up in those crazy eyes.

The Joker leans towards Jason, his face invading the small distance between them. The sound of metal continues to echo, and Jason knows what's coming next.

"Oh, I almost forgot…" he says, pulling out of nowhere an iron crowbar that gleams in the dim light of the nightmare. "It wouldn't be a good memory without this, would it?"

That's when the pain begins. Jason doesn't want to scream, and he won't. Even though that abominable creature is just a representation of his killer, he won't give him the luxury of listening to him suffer. The blows continue, and Jason bites his tongue. It's just a nightmare, it's not real… it's not real.

It's not real.

It's not real.

It's not-

"Hey… Are you okay?" he hears him ask. His shocked gaze turns to where the clown should be and discovers that he's gone. In his place, there's a handsome young man: short, slightly messy black hair, expressive purple eyes, and a body almost completely shrouded in dark shadows.

The mysterious man had a cosmic air about him, surrounded by a mix of special effects of stars and galaxies. Something magical.

And new.

Jason honestly doesn't know what he's seeing, or why he's seeing it. "What?" he says, unable to find another word to describe his situation.

The entity laughs at his stunned state, a reassuring echo very different from the joker's laughter. Then he snaps his fingers, and suddenly he's no longer in that ugly room. He's now in a field of flowers, beautiful and vibrant, looking out at a starry sky.

Okay, this is the part where he asks his brain how he went from being in a nightmare to being with a handsome guy under the stars, hands free and untethered.

"Relax, you're not crazy," the being says as he lies back in the grass. “You were in pain, and I didn’t like it, so I got you out of there. Don’t worry, that abomination won’t bother you again.”

Jason blinks twice, bewildered, not understanding anything. “You… saved me?”

“You could say yes.”

“Why?” He shakes his head. “No, wait, that’s not the question. Who…?” Looking back at the being, he decides to change his question: “What are you?”

He seems to have taken the being by surprise.

It clasps its hands together as it looks up at the sky, trying to act normal. Jason narrows his eyes. “You can call me Void.”

“Did you just make up that name?”

The being looks away, seemingly embarrassed at being found out. “Yeah…” And suddenly exclaims, “Ah, ancients! I'm not supposed to be doing this, much less with one of the bats."

That last sentence had given away more than it should have.

"Hey, how about we admire the night view and then pretend this never happened?" Void suggested with a hopeful smile, turning to Jason.

Maybe it was the soft scent of the flowers, the calm atmosphere, or just the tiredness after so many nights of endless nightmares, but Jason, without thinking too much about it, walked over, lay down next to Void on the grass, and said, "No."

He needed a break.

...

And that's how Jason befriended a dream demon. And how Danny pretended to be a dream demon until Nocturn's powers wore off. He couldn't let the bats find out his identity.

After that, they spent more time together, fell in love, there was drama and there was closure. In the middle of all that, Danny started having tea with Alfred in the dream world, and at other times, he had fun bothering the other bats in their dreams.

But that's another story.

---

Note: Sorry, I don't know English, so please use a translator. I apologize if you don't get the idea.

Part 2

[mondaymelon]

₊⊹ … 99% NOT LOVE ! | kinich x gn!reader

— in which two people notice what two people don't .

— i've gone absolutely batshit over him your honour. im going to now start writing for kinich like a crazed man dying of thirst in the desert. let it be known that streamer!au kinich, enemies to lovers with poacher mc and other ideas are coming up (no im not cheating on xiao shush)

mualani notices it.

"hehe."

and you hear it.

"so! there's a little..." she stares at you with the most serious face you've ever seen on the girl, acting suspiciously unlike herself. gesturing at you with exaggerated hand movements, then pointing toward who knows where, she eyes you. mischievously. "something that's 'going on', yea?"

and at first, you have absolutely no clue what she could be referring to. mualani is a sociable person, after all. her definition of "something" could range anywhere between a particularly cute baby saurian to an out-of-control-bonfire turned wildfire.

with the only eventful thing today being a brief morning surf session with sharky, you just sat there, never having felt more lost.

mualani grabs your shoulders in an iron grip, leaning forward to the point she's almost beginning to seem menacing. you can see the moment where she tries to think over something (which she never does quite successfully) before she straight up shouts:

"ah!! i'll just spell it out for you!! you. and kinich. bestie. spill."

.

.

.

ajaw did more than just "notice" it.

"you..! kIINICH, did you seriously have to-"

"noisy."

"selfish assh- ALMIGHTY DRAGONLORD K'UHUL AJAW HAS HAD ENOUGH OF THE DISRESPECT! TIME AND TIME AGAIN, yOU'VE-"

"once again, ajaw. be quiet."

"sure sure, and pretend i didn't see you and that someone do a little smoochy-smooch, huh?! UGH, now you've asked for it- KINICH AND LOVEY DOVEY, SITTIN' IN A TREE, K-I-S-S-I-N-"

ajaw was what you would call a "witness". though, most would use that term in regards to one seeing a crime or heinous event take place — this event was nothing of that nature.

well, as far as kinich was concerned, the matter was simple. you'd ventured all the way to scions of the canopy to give him a gift, (claiming it was for the time he'd helped you after a couple of yumkausarus hadn't enjoyed your fruit offering and instead decided to off you), and he'd refused to accept it. he wasn't one to receive reimbursement for others, and he didn't particularly like talking either — it was a well-known fact, almost law in natlan, that if the malipo ignored your words, all you need do was apologize and continue on.

well, you did exactly the opposite.

"no thanks."

"...sorry?"

"i don't need it."

"haha, so 'malipo' kinich's rumored no-nonsense nature really proved to be true! now come over here so i can give you my fucking gift!"

you were rather adamant about giving it to him. the reason? you'd bought the gift on a whim after seeing it being sold by a passing merchant, advertised as "80% only today if you buy within the next like 4 minutes" and you'd immediately dropped every mora you had. it was the most useless little thing ever, and you didn't want it at this point, but.. the deals. how could you return such an item???

naturally, you handed it off to the man you'd seen for a good two minutes before he flew, or did whatever his thing was, away. the man had remembered furrowing his brows the slightest, listening to ajaw's persistent yellings of "IT'S AN OFFERING TO ME, TAKE IT" and feeling an oncoming headache. "i said i didn't.."

as he turned to walk away, three unfortunate(?) things occured.

a rock under your shoe and a very graceful process of falling to the ground

kinich looking back (his mistake)

a kiss...?

oh, and two extra.

4. ajaw had saw it all. 5. and mualani, who had saw you from a distance and was coming to greet you, was faced with a sight she could not process.

...Now that he thought over it again, was the matter really "simple"? kinich's job was what he considered simple — split 70% to investigation, 10% to final decision, and 10% to execution, well portioned and planned out.

then, this...

.

.

.

"girlie, you've seriously got the wrong idea. i'm telling you, we aren't dating!"

"mmmokay. of course! because not-dating people kiss allll the time!"

you paused for a moment, remembering kinich's even tone, stern gaze, and... ah, a face that deserved a gold medal.

"it's only 99% not love, okay mualani? but if it wasn't..."

.

.

.

"... and it's 99% not love, ajaw."

(a/n) darling im back from jail part 2. daddys home part 2. not funny? ok. HIHIHIHI ive bene really built like a sun dried raisin lately but kinich is the healing holy water that has saved me i will write more for him in the future because i love him a stupid amount its like the first time in a decade I've written for just ONE character and AND AND

I THOUGHT HE WOULDNT OCME HOME BECAUSE I ONLY HAD 68 WISHES OUT OF MY ORIGINAL LIKE 100+ AND RUINED MY CHANCES BECAUSE OF REALLY REALLY WANTING MuALANI (i love her sm) BUT. BUT BRO CAME HOME. ON THE FIRST 10 PULL AND WON THE 50/50 JUST LIKE MUALANI DID (or is it 45/55 now idk) LIVE LAUGH LOVE KINICH !!

[ tags: ] @manager-of-the-pudding-bank, @iamdedinside, @ilyuu-archive, @falors, @swivy123, @scara-is-my-wife, @lupicalbestwolf, @justyoureader,@fiannee, @aether-darling, @aioniela, @avensuersa, @dainsleif-when-playable, @intpessimistic

( dm or comment to be added ! i might miss ur comment so just to be sure, leave a comment on the actual masterlists page on my pinned ^ ^ )

[cheralith]

to a heart's content — 「 single father!miguel o'hara x reader 」

content warnings ; fem!reader, use of she/her pronouns, "mother"/"daughter"/"wife" used, parental death, mentions of child abandonment, not too much mention of him being spider-man

contains ; single father!miguel o'hara, boss!miguel o'hara, assistant!reader, hints of pining, just some good ol' fluff for everyone's current favorite dilf, angst w/ comfort, heavy need of editing prob, not beta read

notes ; purely self-indulgent to fuel my love of found family trope apologies

parts: one two three four (tba)

Single Father!Miguel O'Hara whose life revolves essentially around one person—his daughter—but to be one of the heads of America’s largest corporation and bearing the responsibility of keeping Nueva York safe and sound whilst simultaneously being a single father was not exactly something that Miguel O’Hara could juggle so easily. Hell, he’s even surprised that he’s made it so far without losing his absolute sanity considering he couldn’t even recall the last time he was able to rest properly without his attention being wavered to something or someone else.

Single Father!Miguel whose hands always filled to the brim with tasks and obligations. Miguel wished he was able to clone himself twice in order to have three Miguel O’Haras attending to each of his duties soundly, but alas, Alchemax and the matter of his mind can only do so much.

Single Father!Miguel whose ever so lucky to have you as his assistant to at least help with two out of three of them. You entered the picture around three years ago, when he had caught the eye of his superiors and had used his intelligence to their own advantage, disguising it as a promotion of sorts. You were given as some sort of gift to them as a way to help ease his workload and he truly couldn’t be more thankful for your existence—if he doesn’t necessarily show it most of the time from his stoic countenance he masks on 24/7. While not exactly a carbon copy of him, you, by far, come rather close, and Miguel will take whatever comes to him in this day and age.

Single Father!Miguel who notices that you're obedient and demure, though rather soft spoken and a little too apprehensive for his liking at times (he had noticed, before you became his assistant, that your coworkers would shovel their workload onto you and you’d accept with little complaint but evident hesitation; he wonders if it was the given similarities between you and him that made him choose you as his assistant). You dressed well, hung onto every word he said, and spoke out when properly needed. You were a good aid to have around—great, even.

Single Father!Miguel who trusts you as both his assistant and a human being enough to leave his precious daughter in your care knowing full well she would be in good hands. Sometimes Alchemax would work him overtime, sometimes his duties as Spider-Man would interfere. No matter what it was, it delayed him from seeing and attending to his daughter’s needs, and thus, he had asked you once in a while to pick up and babysit his daughter after your usual 9-5.

Single Father!Miguel who, at the beginning, once in a while asked you to pick his daughter up from school. Once in a while turned into occasionally. Occasionally turned into sometimes. Sometimes turned into constantly, and next thing Miguel knew, you were the one that his daughter and teachers would look out for during school pick up time. He didn’t expect that you would become his assistant even outside of work, but you did, and Miguel can’t exactly turn back time now. He’s labeled you as his child’s unofficial secondary caretaker—you’re even listed as an emergency contact.

Single Father!Miguel who thinks you’re too polite for your own good. Miguel had asked you once if this was a burden, being his assistant both in and out of Alchemax, and if it became too much that you were more than free to quit at any sudden time without consequence. You had merely replied that you understood the struggles of being a single parent and that he shouldn’t be ashamed of asking for help when it was needed. 

Single Father!Miguel who notices that Gabriella views you more than just her occasional babysitter. When he'd come home late at night, he was usually greeted by you two doing something together, whether it be doing math homework together, baking cookies, you reading aloud to her, or just simply talking, he'd always catch you and her almost... bonding.

Single Father!Miguel who often dwells on the memory of young Gabriella asking innocently why she doesn't have two parents like the rest of her classmates, why she only had one parent compared to everyone else after witnessing she was the odd one out during Family Day. Miguel didn't, and still doesn't, have the courage to tell her that her real mother had abandoned her to him, leaving Miguel in the dust. Miguel used her naivety to his advantage. He disguised it as her being unique compared to others, that some moms just came later in life; she just happened to be a late bloomer.

Single Father!Miguel who always thanks you for staying late tucking Gabriella into bed when he couldn't. You constantly tell him that it's truly no problem, but he insists on thanking you every time and ever so subtly increasing your paycheck. How could he not? Especially considering the fact you always, always whip him up extra dinner that was tucked away for him to eat during the late hours of night.

Single Father!Miguel who feels uneasy as he opens up a fridge to find the said pasta left by you one night in a glass tupperware container, staring at how neatly it’s been plated despite its standard container. He juts it into the microwave as he attempts to ignore how quiet and desolate the kitchen and the apartment is, how the humming of the microwave and the humdrum of the ceiling fan are the only noise that floats through. And when he quietly eats the pasta serving meant for one, he can’t help but gaze longingly at the empty seat across the dining table, where someone else should be seated with him sharing the same meal.

Single Father!Miguel who finally has the time to pick up his daughter after school for once in the school year, but forgot to tell you that you were able to take the rest of the day off. So you, him, Gabriella, and essentially everyone are surprised when both you and Miguel show up to pick Gabriella up after school. One of the teachers goes to gush about how she's excited to meet Gabriella's dad and what a beautiful family you all are, to which you and Miguel, evidently flustered, explain loosely your relationship to each other and how it's merely professional (to one curly-headed third grader, though, it's not—but she'd never tell you and her father that. At least not now.).

Single Father!Miguel who tags along to Gabriella's after school soccer practice for once and despite your protests about you not wanting to interfere "family time", Miguel and his daughter convince you to come watch her like you usually did on Wednesdays. He says he doesn't mind at all and if anything, could use your presence there to ease his nerves since he'd be a newcomer to the soccer parent group.

Single Father!Miguel who watches attentively to how you support Gabriella on the field from the sidelines. He wonders tenaciously if you've fallen into routine of this—from helping her get ready into her uniform to offering small suggestions that help her on the soccer field. He doesn't miss the way her eyes go towards you whenever she did something right and he especially catches onto the fact that she would gush in pure happiness from your approval when you would throw a thumbs up or a delighted nod.

Single Father!Miguel who merely blinks at the compliments given by the two friendly soccer mom next to him.

"Gabi does certainly look a lot like you, but she still has (Y/N)'s beauty and kindness, doesn't she?"

"Oh yes, I agree. Your wife is nothing less of lovely, you know, you're a very lucky man, Mr. O'Hara!"

He's so caught up in trying to process both their words and Gabriella's action on the field, that it doesn't register to him until a few moments later. Miguel attempts to butt in, saying that you're just his subordinate, but when a loud cheer from the other team erupts through, his words fail him.

Single Father!Miguel whose mind is still so stuck on what the soccer moms had said about you that he didn't even realize Gabriella had made the winning goal for today's practice match. Lying through his teeth when asked about if he saw it from her, he realizes that perhaps he should start viewing you in a different light rather than just his daughter's babysitter because the way that Gabriella looks at you with such elation when you congratulate her on her win pulls at his heartstrings ever so slightly.

Single Father!Miguel who contemplates over and over again if he should be doing this—inviting you to Gabriella's first game of the season—the two purchased tickets he held in his fist. You've entered his home a dozen of times, but this would be the first time in three years that he was outside of your own residence. He thinks he's too dressed up for the occasion, cladded in a white button up and black dress pants. A voice asks him if he's his daughter's boyfriend, and Miguel whips around to face an elderly man with a questioned look on his face.

Single Father!Miguel who realizes that it's your father standing in front of him, spare key in hand. He's quick to say no (to your father's disappointment), and introduces himself as your superior. Your father invites Miguel inside your apartment, telling him that you were out fetching groceries and jokingly mentions he uses this opportunity to sneakily fill your cabinets and fridge of food. Your father complains you're too independent for your own good, but he can't exactly blame you—you grew up that way.

Single Father!Miguel who learns that once in your life you were just like his daughter and that in one point in your father's life, he was just like Miguel. All details shared from him, he learns that your mother passed away early in your life due to cancer and ultimately left you and your father to fend for yourselves. Your father tells Miguel that you often had helped out even when you didn't need to—and it doesn't take long for Miguel to piece the pieces together. Why you barely complain about the extra workload, why your father said you're too autonomous, and why all those years ago you not only sympathized with Miguel, but understood his situation as you came from the same exact upbringing.

Single Father!Miguel who listens intently when your father quietly tells him that all he wants for you is to find a good man that would be able to take care of you properly because he believes he wasn't able to. Miguel is quick to reassure him, however, that he did a fantastic job raising a selfless, humble woman that grew to be compassionate and considerate of others' needs, that you were the hardest worker he had ever seen and that he shouldn't discredit himself. Your father goes to examine Miguel for a moment before letting out a loud, haughty laugh in your apartment and jokingly (not really) tells Miguel he hopes that you'll marry him one day, or at least someone like him.

Single Father!Miguel whose resolve dissipates when you walk into your apartment to find your boss and your father talking amongst each other. He sits silently and awkwardly as you complain to your father about dropping by without any warning before you ask him what was he doing here in the first place. Your father takes his leave, winking at Miguel with a glint in his eye, leaving you two in your apartment alone.

Single Father!Miguel who finally gathers up the courage to ask you if you'd like to attend Gabriella's soccer game with him. You interject with visible hesitation, telling him that it was implied that it was a family-only event and you'd hate to intrude onto something so intimate, but he's quick to reassure you that his daughter would love to have you there considering all the help you had given her during her practices—if anything, she would need you there for your support.

Single Father!Miguel who tells you that Gabriella had shown visible distress last night when Miguel told her that you might not be able to come due to your non-familial relationship with them. He almost begged you to come with them, as Gabriella had even threatened to quit soccer altogether if you weren't there to witness her first game. When you give in after moments of contemplation, Miguel truly couldn't believe his luck.

Single Father!Miguel who roots alongside you for Gabriella and her team, watching oh so closely just in case someone from the other team did a dirty trick on his precious daughter. He'd sometimes occasionally glance at you, only to see you completely zoned in and focused on Gabriella's playing like the rest of the parents, offering your support through compliments and encouragements that his daughter always caught and would visibly improve from. When she finally scores the winning goal per usual, she's quick to ignore the cheers coming from her teammates and parents to run off the field and not look for Miguel first, but for you.

"Did you see me?!" Gabriella exclaims excitedly as she flings her arms around your waist. "Did you see what I did?!"

"I did, yes," you laugh, attempting not to stumble over from the impact with visible glee and crouch down to her height. Pride written all over your face, you grin. "And I'm so incredibly proud of you."

"It's 'cause I did what you taught me," she declares. "I pointed first and then I shooted!" She uses hand gestures to reanimate her play on the field.

"Shot, Gabi," you correctly gently, your fingers going to automatically comb out the tangles out of her hair like you usually did after practices. "It does come handy, doesn't it?"

"Yeah!" Her eyes go to see Miguel, who doesn't stalk too far behind with open arms and the same proud look painted on his face. "Dad! Didja see me?! Didja see that I scored?!"

Miguel lets out a once-in-a-blue-moon chuckle and lifts his daughter into his arms, her arms wrapping around his neck in an affirming hug. "I saw very clearly, mi cariño, and I can't wait to brag about how my daughter scored the winning shot for her team," he compliments warmly.

Gabriella goes to point gleefully in your direction. "It was all because of Miss. (Y/N)," she declares, not knowing that her statement would make a rush of heat bloom onto your face.

"O-oh no... I only... w-well," you stammer out meekly, trying to find the right words. "I'm actually not too knowledgeable on soccer... I only repeated what I found online and—"

"Thank you," Miguel starts off fondly. "(Y/N), truly. Thank you."

You stare at him. "Mr. O'Hara..."

He sets Gabriella down for her to join her rejoicing teammate and pats the small of your back with a grateful look plastered on his face. You were so used to seeing the rather stoic and often tired side of Miguel O'Hara that you forgot he, too, was capable of smiling at times, so when you spotted the small of a grin on his lips that was for you specifically, you felt something in your chest jerk a little bit.

"If it weren't for you being here," he starts off quietly so only you can hear. "Gabi wouldn't have participated at all. She wanted you to come so she'd have enough courage to play because she was so used to you supporting her," Miguel glances at his daughter giggling about on the field. "So it was understandable that if her biggest supporter wasn't here to cheer her on, she wouldn't exactly do her best."

You blink slowly at him, digesting his words in order to truly savor them for all that they were. "I was just—"

"—doing your job?" Miguel finishes for you. He shakes his head. "Last time I remember, 'attending your boss's daughter's soccer games' wasn't on your job description," he says, earning a soft chuckle out of you despite his rather flat tone.

"I suppose so," you murmur with an evident warmth in your eyes, one that Miguel is sure Gabriella has seen numerous times and will continue to welcome as long as you're around.

So when after a dinner celebration at her favorite restaurant, after the star player is tucked into bed after a long day's work, Miguel takes it upon himself to do the what he thought was the impossible for him but possible for Gabriella.

"Stay safe out there," Miguel directs quietly as he helps you put on your coat again. "And again, thank you for today."

"It was my pleasure, Mr. O'Hara," you reply, "And I actually had fun today, so I can thank you for that."

He escorts you down the apartment complex to the lobby and begins to watch you leave, the words on his tongue tipping ever so slowly before they spill the moment you're about to exit through the doors.

"(Y/N)."

At the sound of your voice, you turn to him with a questioning look on your face. "... yes?"

Miguel opens and closes his mouth like a fish for a couple of seconds before blurting out, "Are you free tomorrow evening?"

He scans your face for a reaction before surprise paints itself on your moonlit features. "I-I suppose I am," you nod slowly. "May I ask why?"

"Gabi is having a sleepover at one of her teammate's house," Miguel coughs out and shoves his hands into his pockets to hide their fidgeting.

"Do you need me to drop her off...?" you ask, clearly puzzled.

"No, um," he clears his throat again. "I was... I was actually wondering if you'd... if you'd like to check out that new restaurant that opened up on Clark..."

Regret pools in his mouth the second it falls from his lips and he begins to internally conjure some sort of half-assed lie, perhaps saying something along the lines of the company wanted him to review it for a potential cater in the future or that a friend of his worked there, but when he sights your eyes softening with the same warmth from earlier, he lets you take the reigns on fate.

"I'd quite like that," you murmur, a modest smile on your lips.

a/n ; i told you i was going to give into temptation. wrote this on a plane with no wifi on the way here (thank god for offline editing!)

anyways, i'm trying to squeeze this bit out before my plane ride tmrw since i've been travelling for the past week and a half! i'll be returning home soon where i can finally write to my heart's content, phew! i just reallyyyyy wanted to write something for miguel adjdjfkfalwf but fear not! we shall be back to our regularly scheduled program soon!

as always, thank you for reading and likes+comments+reblogs are always appreciated and never unnoticed（╹◡╹）♡!

[prezaki]

One core trait of Phoenix Wright as a character that I rarely see discussed is how utterly evasive he is about his private affairs. It sticks out the most in AA4 when we see Phoenix from the outside, but "Phoenix won't tell anyone anything important unless he absolutely has to (and even then, he probably won't)" is by no means a new development for him.

From AA1 onwards, we see Phoenix dodge people's questions about his personal life time and time again. In part, this is by narrative necessity - Phoenix knows more than the player is meant to know in order to achieve the optimal tension curve. But AA takes his narrative shortcut and turns it into a real character beat.

Phoenix Wright is the most cagey fucker on the planet.

At the end of 1-1 Mia asks him how he came to befriend Larry and Phoenix dodges the question with a vague promise to tell her later - this also means that in all of his time working with Mia, he's never actually disclosed his full motivation for becoming a lawyer to her.

In 1-2, Maya asks him how he knows Edgeworth and he dodges, because of course he does. The same song and dance repeats at the end of 1-3. And despite Maya's repeated prodding by 1-4, Phoenix still has not told her a thing about his past. That's from October until December that Maya is left going ??? and her questions go nowhere.

Then, between AA1 and AA2, Edgeworth is presumed dead by suicide. Does Phoenix tell Maya about this? Absolutely not. He does not tell her in letters nor is he clear about it when they see each other again in person, months later.

What Maya gets once it's inevitable to talk is a vague 'he's gone' and no elaboration other than the request to not speak about him again.

This is Phoenix's default coping mechanism.

In AA3, there are numerous instances where he mentions forgetting Dahlia, not speaking her name again, etc. Edgeworth is 100% getting the 'person who hurt me too deeply to think about' treatment here.

But to not even tell Maya a vague overview on the matter, when Maya knew him too? Rough. And it just keeps going.

It's six months between telling Maya that Edgeworth is 'gone' in 2-2 and her finding out that 'gone' seemingly means' dead' in 2-3.

Maya complains about it, too. This isn't a matter of 'she never asked again', it's a matter of 'Phoenix is dodging all questions'. Gumshoe has to intervene in order for Maya to finally find out.

And finally in 3-5, does he tell anybody why he's going to Hazakura temple and why he seems interested in Iris? Absolutely not!

At this point we get Edgeworth openly acknowledging that Phoenix keeps his emotional cards extremely closely to the chest. When he states that he wants confirmation on whether or not he has met Iris before, this exchange happens:

Even as Edgeworth directly calls him out on being evasive and never actually speaking to people, all Phoenix can do is acknowledge that this is how he is by apologizing - but he won't change his ways.

AA4 Phoenix is really just a natural evolution of Trilogy Phoenix - Trilogy Phoenix is already evasive, already hates telling people about his struggles or accepting help... It's really no wonder that he'd isolate himself instead of reaching out once he gets disbarred.

[narcjsistx]

𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐀𝐑𝐘 𝐆𝐈𝐅𝐓 | OS

sae itoshi x fem reader ; words: 1.4k (1487)

coming from this event, second day, 19/12

𝐌𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ; take a look, trust me!

plot: that your boyfriend was sometimes distant was not a new thing. he often needed his space, both physical and mental, and you accepted this. but you did not expect him to put a match in the first place of the list on the day of your wedding anniversary

The pillowcase was slowly drying after collecting all those tears, but a wet feeling was still noticeable if you rested your cheek on it. Even though hours had passed, the wet feeling remained on your cheeks too. The room was silent, the only audible noise came from the flat-screen television, which with dazzling lights transmitted the face of your boyfriend, now husband, in his ReAl uniform. Hair combed as usual, the same serious face, the same Sae Itoshi. The only thing that still gave a little hype to his fans was the ring that reflected on his finger, which he had been wearing for exactly a year now. Your wedding had left the entire football world speechless, because no one would have ever expected to see Sae Itoshi, the Japanese prodigy, become a mass of love for a simple girl

Yet, exactly one year ago, Sae had sworn to himself that your dreams, your ideals, your everything would now also become his inspiration; that now, no matter what the situation, he would do anything to be by your side. Your dream was to have a normal first anniversary, but why he wasn't there with you? What happened to his heartfelt promises?

It's that Sae, despite being a mass of love, remained Sae. Sae, who needs his space from time to time; Sae, who loves solitude as much as he loves being with you; Sae, who nevertheless remains the most famous soccer player in Japan for his prodigious skills. You had to understand that something like this would happen sooner or later, but you didn't expect it on this day

The game begins. You watch your husband move nimbly among the opponents, who try in every way to keep him from getting close to the net

Your head still hurt a little from the little fight you had. This morning you had woken up with the intention of spending the most romantic day in the world with your husband; yet, when you woke up and didn't find him in bed next to you, you realized that there was a problem, or that maybe he was simply hungry and had gone earlier than expected to have breakfast in the kitchen. Getting out of bed you heard his voice talking on the phone to someone, and when you arrived in the living room he didn't even say 'good morning'

"I'm leaving. The team is one player short due to an injury, they asked me to play"

You had replied that he didn't have to accept, that he had literally asked for a day off just to be with you, and yet now he didn't seem to care as he packed all his usual things into his sports bag and left the house, leaving you sad and also a little disappointed. You couldn't explain how you, his wife, had been put in second place because of a stupid game. How could he have done it?

You and Sae had been together for years now, but never, never, absolutely never, he had put you second to soccer, which was strange actually. When you started dating him you had already gotten used to the idea that, if everything had gone well between you, you would always be second to his greatest passion; and yet, it had never happened, in fact, it had happened that he had canceled training to be with you. But why did it happen now that you were even married?

He was playing in a nearby stadium actually, a few kilometers from your house in sunny Madrid. For a moment you had the idea of taking the car and going with him, surprising him and forgetting about this situation, but you hadn't done it for the simple reason that you felt exaggeratedly annoyed. You have always been a calm and patient person, especially with Sae who you knew needed his space and, in some cases, his time. But now, wrapped up in your bed with the pillow to your chest and your gaze fixed on the television, calm and patience seemed to be only a distant and beautiful memory

The commentator starts talking in a rant just as your husband is frighteningly close to the opponent's goal, the ball tightly in his field of action. With a sharp and precise backheel the ball ends up in the net, causing the entire stadium to erupt in a hungry roar for more goals from the Japanese prodigy. Even though you were angry with him, deep down you couldn't help but be proud to see him shine, even if him being there had caused you pain and annoyance

The cameras are all focused on the boy, who with his usual nonchalance does nothing special. Scoring goals is extremely easy for him, more than once you have asked yourself if he actually puts in the least effort or if he just puts the autopilot on every time he enters the field. The precision with him kicks the ball is measured to the millimeter, and you have to say that it is the same he has always had with you since you have been together. It wasn't an easy cohabitation at the beginning, but you loved him and he loved you, so with patience you tried to understand how to reach a point of agreement

The second half begins. The opposing team marks him with a sort of rage, but the ball always comes back to your husband's feet, like a magnet. It only takes a few minutes before another goal, again by Sae, brings his team to an unmatched level, no longer reachable by the opposing team. It is impossible to recover 2 goals in less than 10 minutes, and then frankly the opponents seem a bit poor to you. And just as you predicted, the game ends with the spanish team winning and the crowd chanting your husband's name

You get out of bed, sitting on the mattress as the reporters come out to interview the players. You know Sae doesn't like being interviewed, so he'll probably be home in less than another hour; the air will probably be a little uncomfortable because of the little fight, but you sigh. It just happened

You are about to leave the room to go get a glass of water, when you hear your husband's voice on television. An interviewer caught him just as he was about to enter the players' exit corridor, the one that leads to the locker rooms

"Sae, really amazing match today"

"Yes. I think the same."

"From the director it was understood that today you actually weren't supposed to play, you had the day off but you freed yourself anyway when you learned about the problem due to the missing player. The day off was for your anniversary?"

"Yes. I was supposed to celebrate with my wife actually."

"And you're playing here? Wife in the background like most players? It wouldn't actually be new-"

"Please don't label me as someone who doesn't care about my wife. If I didn't care about her, I wouldn't have asked her to marry me, right?"

"I'm not saying that's, just that-"

"I love my wife. Today is our anniversary and if I scored 2 goals the team should thank her, since they were dedicated to her. It's just the first part of my gift"

"It's just that-"

"I have to go. You're taking away time I could spend with her."

And so, walking away from the reporter, Sae enters the corridor and disappears. You remain still for a few seconds, turning only when the reporter talks about something else. Sae is not one to show his love, not that he is ashamed, but it is not in his reserved nature to do so; and now, in front of millions of people, he has so freely admitted everything he feels?

Was that your husband? It really was your Sae?

You run to the kitchen, grabbing your phone and entering his chat, where you find a message you hadn't read, sent shortly after you argued

— hubby <3 🐙❤️

Don't take this the wrong way. I'm not doing this because I don't care about our day

- Did you actually say those things on TV? Do you have a fever?

You finally answered. No fever, sorry to disappoint you. I just wanted to do it

- It was unexpected

That I dedicated goals to you or that I talked about you so openly?

- Both

I'm coming home. Sorry for earlier, but I want to tell you to your face. There are more gifts I still have to give you, it is our anniversary after all, right?

If he had all these gifts he talked about, maybe you could give him yours that you've been mulling over since last night. Maybe it was time to show him that pregnancy test that's been in your drawer for hours

TAG: @natmagaesp ; @kittenish0 ; @x3nafix