#and instead im just quarantining

[lithuvia]

Fellas, is it gay to run a fever? Why are you red? Oh, you've elevated your body temperature to kill all the little dudes inside you? Why're there so many of them in there? The rituals are so intricate-

*i sneeze too hard and pass out*

[haemosexuality]

realizing that big boobs are the reason why i have so much back pain immediately destroyed the acceptance i spent years working on about how my chest looks. lol

[doomspiral]

You can depend on me to talk about medieval textiles

[thirtyskeletons]

3 am spiraling over how my mom was mean to me. many such cases

[fluxedbuds]

o boy new life series cant wait to Stop Watching As Soon As Someone Permadies

[foolbo]

been a long while since i touched any form of haikyu!! media (the last time i touched it was when aoba johsai lost playoffs to karasuno? i think? maybe a little bit after. oikawa was pissy thats what i remember) BUT im picking up the manga and im very determined to read all 45 volumes im on volume 3 currently

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

i miss hanging out w puppies

[copajay]

high society

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

masterlist

HAPPY NEW YEARSSS im going through a bridgerton phase rn and was reminded of my quarantine obsession w jane austen and enhypen so here's a jake period piece :P

summary: it's the early 19th century regency era, you belong to a well-known noble family but your father has been noticing a decline in his finances. determined to save the estate and his honor, he encourages you to mingle with any and every suitable bachelor in your town to secure the family fortune through marriage. none of them catch your eye, until you meet park sunghoon...'s stableman. (not proofread)

date: 01/01/24

scenario themes: period piece, rich girl broke dude cliche

idol: jake sim or sim jaeyun of enhypen

concept: fluff

warnings: mentions of hitting women (nothing crazy i swear)

word count: 7.28k

it was a typical sunday morning, you woke up in your satin sheets, calling to your servants to ready you for the day. after getting dressed and having your hair fixed, you made your way down the stairs to enjoy breakfast with your family as usual.

you've always enjoyed a life of luxury. belonging to a dignified household constantly bustling with an array of servants, housekeepers, cooks, and more, you never felt any need to marry.

why go from such a grand, happy estate to a smaller one to live with complete strangers as opposed to the hands that practically raised you? why abandon your daily latin lessons with your governess to listen to your mother-in-law lecture you about producing an heir?

luckily, you were the youngest daughter of six siblings, three girls and three boys. your brothers ensured your family name would survive and your sisters provided your parents with plenty of marriage proposals to occupy themselves with. there was absolutely no reason for you to be wed any time soon.

at least that's what you thought before you sat down to breakfast. "good morning, y/n" your mother greeted. "good morning mother, father." you acknowledged the man sitting across the table from you, occupied with a small journal in his hands.

as you were about to take a sip of your morning tea, you heard your father sigh, exasperated. "what seems to be the matter, father?" your elder sister asked, eyeing the journal.

"i'm simply going over finances. there's no need to panic as it is a matter of little emergency. we will need to find a new source of income by next sunday, and since your lazy and careless brothers cannot be bothered to fulfill their duties as men, it is up to you girls to marry men who can." he asserted.

unaffected, you continued to pick at your breakfast. you have two older sisters who are perfectly fit to wed, why should you worry?

"we have already begun looking for matches for catherine and y/n." your mother noted. your head shot up upon hearing your name, "pardon me?" you exclaimed, "what about arabella? she's the eldest of all of us."

"we have been looking for a suitor for arabella for a twelvemonth now. she is clearly unfit to be a bride, just look at her!" your mother began, prompting your oldest sibling to roll her eyes.

arabella has always been... unladylike to say the least. she sported breeches while horse riding and insisted on discussing politics and sports instead of more suitable feminine topics. it's no surprise most of the men in this age couldn't stand her.

you personally never minded. she did a better job educating you than your own governess, reading controversial female literature to you and encouraging you to avoid marriage for as long as you can, which you gladly did.

unfortunately, you weren't as forward as arabella. you wouldn't dare disagree with your parents like her, recalling how she boldly rejected a marriage proposal from a wealthy lord, angering your father.

you bit your tongue to prevent a protest from leaving your lips. what are the odds you'll actually find someone? all you have to do is push away all the suitors long enough for catherine to find someone. after all, she was a model young lady: quiet, pretty enough, and obedient.

you, on the other hand, could only be described as spoiled and insolent. perhaps not as impertinent as arabella, but you were definitely sassy in your own right. most men found your attitude off-putting and made empty threats to "whip you into shape".

"enough of this discussion. we will be attending a ball tonight in an attempt to mingle with some members of high society. I expect you girls to be on your best behavior. and be sure to invite any potential bachelors to our estate for tea!" your mother rambled.

you were undoubtedly annoyed at the circumstances, but oh how you loved getting ready for functions like these. wearing your nicest gowns, displaying your expensive jewelry and unique hair styles. then, actually arriving at the formal and being able to listen to delightful pianoforte and dance with strangers.

the ball was being held by the park estate, renowned throughout the province for being incredibly wealthy. the parks had four sons, two of whom were already married. which left sunghoon and jay as the biggest targets of every unmarried girl within a ten kilometer radius.

they were quite handsome, but you weren't interested in either. perhaps they'd make good matches for catherine, supplying your family with an alarming amount of wealth and allowing you to remain a happy spinster for the rest of your days.

before you knew it, it was time to ready yourself for the ball. excitedly, you threw on your finest corset and carefully selected your prettiest lavender gown, pairing it with a dainty pearl set.

as you situated yourself in the carriage with your sisters and mother, you couldn't help but zone out as they excitedly discussed meeting the park brothers. "i hope jay asks me for a dance!" catherine giggled, prompting arabella to shift uncomfortably.

she always seemed to react a bit oddly to any mentions of jay. you honestly didn't mind him, he's generous and far more liberal than most men. maybe not liberal enough for arabella, but you suppose nobody is.

by the time you reached the park estate, you excitedly jumped out of the carriage first, rushing into the doors of the large manor. you're not one to be impressed by ostentatious displays of wealth, but by God was this place striking.

marble and gold mosaic lined the interior walls with chandeliers latched onto the high ceilings, illuminating the magnificent paintings along the walls. a group of musicians was situated in the corner of the large room, playing loudly as dozens of ladies and lords conversed, dressed to the nines.

you looked to your left and noticed arabella fiddling with her dress. grasping her hand, you smiled before sighing, "isn't it beautiful?"

she playfully rolled her eyes, "it is, but not beautiful enough to marry into this mad family. don't fall for whatever trap mother and father are attempting to catch you in." she warned.

"yes, yes, I know. can't you just enjoy the ball?" you pleaded. she simply shook her head and announced that she would be heading to the garden for some solitude. as odd as she is, your sister is dear to you and you'd like to see her happily settled down with a good man one day.

turning, you were greeted with the sight of park sunghoon. great. you could see your mother eyeing you in your peripheral vision so now you had to acknowledge him.

"hello, sunghoon." you half-smiled and curtsied. he bowed in response, "good evening, y/n. would you care to join me for a dance?" he asked, extending his arm to you. i'd rather eat dirt. "I would love to." you took his arm.

it's not like you dislike sunghoon. he's a proper gentleman. he enjoys hunting and composing music, he's tall, handsome, and not to mention extremely well-off. but he bored you to no end, and he was very old-fashioned.

you vividly remember overhearing a conversation between him and your brothers, where he proudly claimed he would spank arabella until she behaved if he was her husband. you also remember jay getting quite upset at him afterward.

"i heard your parents were looking to give your hand" he started, interrupting your thoughts. "yes, it appears so." you responded, absentmindedly. "have you met anyone suitable yet?" he carefully continued.

you weren't an idiot. it's apparent sunghoon has had a sort of infatuation with you for a while now. "no, not yet." you sighed. you didn't miss how his eyebrow raised. uncomfortable, you decided to excuse yourself, "I need to freshen up. would you mind pointing me in the direction of the bath?"

"certainly." he responded, sounding rather annoyed. after showing you the way, you practically sprinted out the door in your heels, desperate to get away from the smell of his headache-inducing fragrance.

you spotted a greenhouse and deduced it must be close to the garden, where arabella should be. making your way there, you stopped in your tracks when you heard a clanging noise followed by muffled shushes.

deciding to investigate, you inched closer to the source of the sound and nearly yelped at the sight.

you saw arabella and jay embracing one another. but not just embracing. they were fondling, kissing, grasping at one another. it was quite possibly the most lewd thing you've ever seen.

you didn't know what to say or how to react. so you turned and ran in the opposite direction, praying neither of them saw you. unfortunately for you, you're completely unfamiliar with the grounds and ended up running headfirst into a door.

you fell on the ground with a pounding pain in your temple. sitting up, you looked around for a clue as to where you were but to no avail. you were too dumbfounded at the sight you just witnessed to process anything else.

thankfully, you heard footsteps rushing to where you were and a strong pair of arms lifting you up. "are you alright, ma'am?" the stranger's voice fretted.

"yes, yes I--arabella. OH MY GOODNESS ARABELLA. you have to help me sir." you grasped at the thin, cloth shirt the boy opposite you was wearing.

"who's arabella? what's wrong?" the man asked. you noticed he had a very peculiar accent, one that sounded more akin to commoners. his clothing was quite dirty as well. he must've been a new servant, probably a stablehand.

"my sister. she was--he--jay was... doing something to her." you rasped. it wasn't long before the man began chuckling. "oh yes, they do that quite often."

he slowly released his grip on you and stepped back. "you need not worry about her. would you like assistance heading back to the ball, ma'am?"

he turned around before you even responded, heading towards the manor before you grabbed his arm. "wait. i would actually prefer to stay out here."

you must sound like an idiot. and the puzzled look on the boy's face only affirms that. the truth is you just don't want to have to deal with your mother pressuring you and sunghoon's advances.

"what's your name?" you asked the servant, changing the topic. "jake, ma'am." he responded swiftly. "you need not call me ma'am. y/n will do just fine." you shot jake a smile.

you're not sure why you enjoy this boy's presence so much. perhaps it's his puppy-like eyes or his soft voice. "well, y/n," jake prompted.

just hearing him say your name sent shivers down your spine. what has gotten into you? he's a stablehand. a servant.

"i suggest we go inside as it is exceedingly cold out. we wouldn't want you to develop an illness" he sympathized. he led you into the dimly lit stables, where you could get a better look at him.

he had thick pink lips and long black hair that nearly covered his eyes. his nose was long and tall and he had highly defined cheekbones coupled with a sharp jawline. he was dangerously handsome.

you caught yourself staring at him and got a bit embarrassed before you noticed that his eyes kept darting down at you and away, nervously. you looked down to see your corset was disheveled after your fall, revealing a bit of your cleavage.

screaming, you threw your purse at him while attempting to cover yourself. was this stableboy about to do to you whatever jay was doing with your sister?

he put his hands up above his head as if to surrender and apologized profusely. "i'm so, so sorry ma'am! I meant to mention it earlier but I was a bit apprehensive as I didn't want to offend you-"

you steadied yourself a bit seeing how anxious jake looked. attempting to console him, you held his shaking hands. poor thing probably thought you were going to get him whipped, or worse.

"it's fine. I'm just a bit on edge after... never mind that. could you please explain to me what I saw jay doing with my sister? it is still heavy on my mind." you hesitated.

jake began looking bashful again. "when two people are overcome by lust, they tend to... fornicate." he explained awkwardly. you gasped. you weren't familiar with what fornication actually looked like, but you knew it was a great shame.

"please, please don't tell anyone." you begged him, still gripping onto his hands. "of course, not, ma'am--y/n. it's not my business to tell." he assured.

smiling, you let go of his hands. the two of you stood in comfortable silence for a while, looking out the doors to the stable at the starry sky and beautiful garden underneath it.

jake broke the silence first, "i believe it's time for you to return to the ball. your family must be getting worried."

your mood immediately soured. you wanted nothing less than to return to the ball you were once so excited to attend, especially because it was now a matchmaking event for your parents.

"right." you straightened down your gown. "do you think you could... help me adjust my corset before I go?" you cautioned. the truth is you could've easily fixed it yourself, you just wanted another excuse to be close to jake again.

he shuffled behind you before fastening one of the buttons on your top that had come undone. his hands were shaky yet his grip was firm. your breath hitched as he gently moved your hair to the side.

the tension was palpable, and before you knew it, you had turned around and were face to face with jake. your noses were nearly touching and you felt an electric shock travel from your stomach to your head.

feeling lightheaded, you moved a bit closer. you could hear his breathing speed up.

the next thing you know your lips were touching his. you knew this wasn't right, that this was not only a shameful thing to do as an unmarried woman, but with a stablehand of all people?

but in that moment, you couldn't care less. you attempted to deepen the kiss awkwardly but it was apparent you had no idea what you were doing. he didn't seem to mind though, reciprocating your efforts.

you were interrupted by the sound of footsteps approaching. panicking, you pulled away. you didn't miss how jake seemed to lean in again subconsciously, which almost prompted you to jump back into his arms.

but you were way too terrified of getting caught. without thinking, you ducked behind a bale of hay. holding back a laugh, jake turned to face the front of the stables where arabella and jay walked in. arabella was wearing trousers and a linen shirt that she must've had on under her gown.

"jake, ready two horses at once." jay ordered, sternly. "of course, master jay." jake obediently answered.

"are you sure about this, jay?" arabella whispered, tugging on the boy's sleeve. "we have no other choice, you know my parents won't approve of you." he insisted sympathetically, grasping onto her hands.

were they about to elope?

jake handed jay the reigns to two separate horses. jay simply smiled and thanked him before handing one of the horses over to arabella. "I wish I could've at least told my baby sister." she sighed.

rage built up inside of you. how could she keep this from you? she definitely doesn't have to tell you now because you're going to make it known that you're well aware.

you jumped up from behind the hay like a madwoman, your corset still slightly a mess with straw in your hair. "arabella! how could you?" you yelled accusingly.

yelping, your sister quickly covered her mouth. "y/n, what on earth are you doing in here?" she retorted, still slightly shocked. "never mind that. were you about to elope... with him?" you motioned over to jay.

"y/n, I'm not sure what you think of me at this moment but I assure you it was for the best-" he started. "I don't care. unhand my sister at once." you seethed. "y/n! do not speak to him that way!" arabella defended.

you were furious. arabella, your tomboy and supposed spinster of a sister was secretly fornicating with jay park and now she was planning on eloping with him.

jake looked awkwardly between you and your sister as jay held his head down. you and arabella on the other hand were having a heated stare-down.

"if you stay, i won't tell a soul about this. if you leave, I will tell the entire county and a search party will be sent for the two of you within an hour. it's your decision." you growled.

sighing, arabella shot jay a knowing look to which he nodded in agreement. "we will stay. but if you know what's best for you, you'll be quiet." she warned. you wanted to scoff at her threat, but you knew it would just fan the flames all over again.

jay suggested heading back to the ball as the three of you had been out long enough. after jake led you through the servant's staircase, the three of you joined the party once again, luckily right before it was about to end.

sunghoon caught your eye right as you were leaving, and of course, your mother happened to be right in front of you when he approached you. "y/n! i've been looking for you the whole night. I was hoping to get a second dance," he slurred, it was evident he had one too many glasses of port wine.

"perhaps next time, sunghoon." you grumbled. your mother sent him an apologetic look before waving goodbye.

fortunately, there were two carriages sent to retrieve you and your family after your mother complained that the one was too cramped. unfortunately, mother and catherine jumped into the first one, leaving you and arabella alone in the second.

you honestly couldn't bare looking at her, let alone speaking to her on the way home, so you opted for staring out at the countryside through the small window.

"why were you in the stables?" arabella began. you shot her an annoyed look. "i know you're upset with me, y/n, but you wouldn't understand what it's like to be in love with someone you can't be with. it's unbearable."

"no. maybe I don't. but I do know that it's wrong to leave behind your loved ones. besides, you and jay nearly had an arrangement! was there really a need to go and do all this? mother practically begged you to be with him-"

"and his parents couldn't stand me. they told him he could never marry such an uncouth woman." she sputtered, tears forming at her eyes.

your heart hurt for your sister, but you were still far too upset to embrace her. "the stablehand, jake." you blurted.

she looked up at you, confused. "i saw you and jay..." you explained, prompting arabella to look away once again in shame. "...and I ended up hitting my head on the stable doors somehow. jake came out to help me and we somehow ended up kissing." you admitted, slightly embarrassed.

arabella's mouth opened slightly, before it closed and formed a smile. "do you like him?" she chided like a small child.

that was one of the things you loved so much about your sister. she was never judgemental, always open to hearing whatever you had to say.

"I believe I do." you smiled sadly, "but it would never work. he's a servant for crying out loud."

"do you want to see him again?" she asked, unexpectedly. you nodded before seeing a mischievous glint in her eye. she smiled widely and made a proclamation, "how's this? I help you hide your meetings with jake and you help me with jay. it may not be a long term solution but it would help, wouldn't it?"

"what about mother's obsession with marrying me off?" you huffed. "she's not obsessed with just you marrying. besides, sunghoon alone is wealthy enough to fix our financial woes. let's set him up with catherine, convincing her to set her sights on him." she stated.

springing up from your seat, you held your sister while cheering, "genius! you're a genius!" causing her to laugh and cheer as well.

that night you couldn't sleep. your mind kept replaying the kiss between you and jake. you could still feel the ghost of his soft lips on yours. giggling to yourself, you realized you probably look like a madwoman. yet, you didn't really mind. all you cared about was seeing jake again.

the next morning you mentally prepared yourself as you made your way down to breakfast. all you have to do is fib a bit to your family, it can’t possibly be that hard.

making eye contact with arabella as you waltzed down the stairs, you held back a smile before greeting your parents.

“mother, you’ll be delighted to know that i believe i’ve found my match.” you announced, rather dramatically. your mother nearly dropped her spoon upon hearing the good news, and your father simply smiled and asked, “who is it, my dear?”

“jay park.” you grinned, watching as arabella shot you a mischievous wink from across the dining table. “i was thinking we could perhaps have a luncheon at the park residence today. sunghoon also made it very apparent to me that he has been showing an interest in one of my sisters,”

this caught the attention of catherine.

“which one of us?” catherine yelped. “clearly not arabella,” your younger brother snickered, earning a light smack to the back of the head from your sister.

“he… erm, didn’t say. which is why we must find out today at the luncheon!” you stammered. as unconvincing as you sounded, your parents and siblings seemed to fully believe you, which meant your plan was now in motion.

from that day on, you and arabella were able to make your way to the park’s estate nearly daily by lying.

part of you felt guilty, but that guilt was alleviated as soon as you felt jake’s warm embrace. the two of you would lay in the garden some days, and sneak around the manor on other days, using the servant passageways.

you would constantly cover up for arabella as she would for you. and to your surprise, you witnessed a romance slowly blooming between catherine and sunghoon.

“what are your plans for the future? would you like to start a family, settle down in the countryside? or would you like to move into the city, somewhere in london perhaps?” you asked jake. you were sitting in the shade of a large oak tree behind the park manor with his head in your lap as you ran your fingers aimlessly through his soft hair.

he laughed lightly, “i always assumed I’d be stuck here forever, picking up horse dung.”

you felt a pang of hurt in your chest, being reminded of the harsh reality of being a servant. “surely that can’t be. don’t you have a home? where is your family residing?” you asked.

“of course i have a home,” jake started as he slowly got up from your lap. you immediately felt the cool breeze hit your lap in the absence of his warmth. “it’s in the southern part of town, my parents and brother own a bakery near there, on 5th street.” he smiled to himself.

“why didn’t you work in the bakery?” you prodded. you felt a bit nosy, but you were genuinely curious. “we were hardly making anything, it seems like nobody has enough to even spend on bread anymore. I had to find a job elsewhere and this seemed to be the only option.”

you felt a sense of guilt wash over you. you were so used to your own servants hanging on your every whim yet you never wondered about their livelihood. with income running low, father cut their salaries which you’re sure was already low.

“enough of that.” jake coughed, visibly uncomfortable, “will you read to me?”

you smiled, grabbing the long-forgotten novel in the grass behind you.

everything was running smoothly until the parks decided to come over for tea one eventful afternoon. you happily greeted lord and lady park along with their two youngest sons as they sat down in the drawing room.

you were only excited to see jay so you could cryptically ask about any developments concerning jake. unfortunately, you wouldn’t have any time to as your parents did most of the talking.

“so, i hear that jay and y/n are getting on quite well,” lady park beamed. your mother nodded vigorously in approval while you and jay feigned bashfulness.

“i also heard good news about sunghoon and my dear catherine.” your father added, to which lord park raised his cup to.

it was a typical, and rather boring, conversation until sunghoon decided to pipe in, “i always presumed i would end up with y/n,” he said casually, chuckling to himself.

catherine suddenly looked to mother, shocked. “i thought you were interested in catherine, mr. park.” your mother quipped.

“oh, of course. but that is a much more recent development. i’ve been pandering after y/n since we were kids for christ sake.”

your mother glared at you, clearly upset with your lying but at least you could cover it up by claiming you were too occupied with jay to notice sunghoon’s advances.

coughing awkwardly, your father suddenly stood up, brushing himself off. “lady l/n and i have long thought about this decision, and wanted to ask you personally instead of relying on correspondence.” once he had everyone in the room’s attention, he continued,

“we believe y/n and jay should be wed by tomorrow.”

you froze. you watched as jay and sunghoon’s jaws dropped and the elder parks began to protest. tomorrow?

“as happy as we all are that our children are getting on, don’t you think tomorrow is making haste?” lady park commented, but your father insisted, “we don’t need to plan the grand ceremony just yet, but an intimate procession in which legal and religious matters are sorted would be nice to get out of the way, wouldn’t it?”

you knew exactly why your father was so desperate to get you married by tomorrow as it would be saturday, meaning you had only tomorrow to correct the family finances.

“with all due respect, i feel like this is a bit rushed. jay and i haven’t fully gotten to know each other yet. don’t you think sunghoon and catherine would make a better match?” you suggested, your voice shaky.

“nonsense. you’ve gone over to the park’s nearly every day this week, spending hours there each visit. surely you’ve gotten to know him enough.” your mother insisted.

“then it is set. the two are to be wed tomorrow, let us discuss the details!” lady park shared gleefully.

you couldn’t bare listening any longer. wordlessly, you stood up, heading to your room, passing by arabella who was eavesdropping by the steps.

“she must be nervous.” your father announced after your departure.

once you found your way to your bed you collapsed. what were you going to do? how were you going to tell jake? you felt hopeless.

you heard a knock on your door. then another one, this time more impatient. “come in.” you groaned, ready to unleash your wrath on whoever walked in.

“are you alright, miss l/n? i heard a large slam coming from this direction.” an elderly maid asked innocently.

seeing her familiar face calmed your nerves. she had been working around the house for as long as you can remember, but she looked much more tired now. you thought back to your conversation with jake and realized how little you seemed to notice her condition weaken over time.

christ, you didn’t even know her name.

“i’m fine,” you smiled. “um, could you please set up a carriage for me? if you’d like, i’d prefer it if you joined me.” you suggested.

she looked taken aback but quickly composed herself, “yes of course, miss l/n.”

it wasn’t long before the carriage was drawn and you and your maid stepped inside. “where to, miss l/n?” she asked, “the bakery on 5th street, i believe it is located south of here.”

“pardon me miss l/n, but isn’t fetching bread a servant’s job?” she hesitated. “please just call me y/n, and i plan on doing more than simply ‘fetching bread’” you responded reassuringly.

she nodded and the two of you set course for the bakery. along the way, you decided to learn more about the maid. you found out that her name is agatha, she was aged three and forty, had three kids of her own, and had been working for your family since you were born.

once you arrived, you and agatha stepped into the nearly empty building. the only person you saw was a young man behind the counter who you assumed was jake’s brother.

“good afternoon, ma’am. how can i be of assistance?” the boy greeted, dusting off his flour-covered hands on the counter.

“i’d like to purchase ten loaves of bread.” you beamed. agatha glanced over at you, confused. “that would be ten shillings, ma’am” he smiled. he looked strikingly similar to jake when he did so.

“who on earth could be buying that much bread-” you heard a familiar voice emerge from behind the counter. you were surprised to see jake wearing much more casual clothing than you’re used to seeing him in, holding a loaf of steaming bread.

he stopped upon seeing you, quickly pulling himself together. “my apologies… ma’am.” he nearly whispered before disappearing back into the kitchen. for the rest of the time he popped in and out the two of you did your best to ignore one another.

after nearly half an hour of waiting, your order was finished. as you loaded the loaves into the carriage with the help of jake and his brother, you felt the sudden urge to tell jake about your impending marriage.

unfortunately, you couldn’t find a way to without raising the suspicions of either agatha or his brother, so you thanked the both of them and went on your way. hopefully it would all be sorted out and he’d never have to know.

once alone with agatha, you handed the loaves to her. “please distribute these among the servant’s families, and keep one for your own. I’d like to make a quick stop before i return.” you shared. “of course, where to?” she asked.

“your home.” you answered casually. “miss l/n-”

“y/n.” you corrected. “y/n, is something the matter? i apologize if i’m speaking too freely but you have been behaving a bit oddly today.” agatha nervously shared.

“yes actually, there is a cause for great concern. i am to be wed tomorrow to a man i have no affection for meanwhile i am hopelessly in love with a stableboy.” you stated carelessly.

you yourself are unsure of why you decided to confide in agatha but you felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders once you did.

“I’m sorry to hear that. i hope for the best for you always, you know you’ve always been my favorite of your siblings.” she half-joked, lightening the mood.

you couldn’t help but laugh, and before you knew it, the two of you were joking with each other like old friends.

once you arrived at agatha’s house you handed her two shillings. “this is double your salary for the day. take off early, i insist. neither mother or father will hear a word of this, i swear.” you said, clasping her hand in your own.

her expression turned to one of immense gratitude and she rushed to hug you. before you could react, she pulled away, apologizing repeatedly.

you simply pulled her back in, embracing her even tighter. she bid you farewell as she stepped out of the carriage and you began to make your way back as the sun set.

arriving home, you were greeted with the sight of your parents standing behind the front gates, visibly furious.

“where were you all this time? it is nearly dark and you did not notify anyone of your departure. my goodness, and you set off alone!” your mother gasped.

“is this how a lady is to act before she is about to be married? you better correct yourself before jay catches onto this scandalous behavior.” father boomed.

you grumbled a “yes, father” before hurrying inside, back to your chambers. you were surprised to see arabella waiting anxiously on your bed.

“where were you?” she jumped up. “nowhere important.” you shrugged. “christ, i thought you had eloped!” your sister exclaimed. to be frank, you were beginning to consider it as an option.

“nonsense. i won’t be eloping just like i won’t be marrying jay.”

you saw her face drop at the mention of her lover. “sister,” you sat beside her, “i promise you we will fix this mess together.”

“but how?” arabella sighed. “i say we convince sunghoon and catherine to marry instead of jay and i.” you shared.

your sister raised an eyebrow at your proposal, “how on earth will we do that?”

“we have to tell them the truth about you and jay.” you declared. you could see a glimpse of fear in arabella’s eyes, and you would be lying if you said you weren’t a bit afraid yourself. “fine.” she agreed. you held her hand tightly as she confided in you the rest of the night.

the following morning, the park’s estate was bustling, the servants all gossiping about jay’s new match. jake was never one to listen to rumors going around but he was particularly interested in this one, wondering if arabella had finally gotten through to lord and lady park.

“i hear the bride is the youngest daughter, y/n.” one of the cooks shared excitedly. jake froze. “where did you hear that?” he suddenly asked. “from the tailor that was fitting her dress. apparently they’re going to have a small, intimate ceremony at the church today-”

before she could finish her sentence, jake sprinted to the stables and began saddling the nearest horse.

he didn’t know what he was going to do once he arrived at the church, or even what would happen to him afterwards, but he didn’t care. he refused to stand by as you married someone else.

while at the church, you fiddled with your veil anxiously. arabella assured you that she would speak with sunghoon and catherine without mentioning anything about jake.

it was nearly time for the ceremony to begin and you were starting to worry that something had gone wrong.

suddenly, the door to the room you were in burst open, revealing catherine and arabella. “quick! give me your veil and remove your dress!” catherine ordered.

while rapidly exchanging clothes with your sister, arabella filled you in, “the couple agreed to our plan upon hearing about mine and jay’s story. sunghoon made a rather dramatic declaration of love to catherine before jay could even stand at the alter and luckily, our parents decided that these two were more deserving to be wed.”

you let out a huge sigh of relief. you were able to evade marriage with jay, but how much longer could you keep this lie up?

arabella led you down to the area where the ceremony would be held and within a few minutes, catherine made her way to the alter.

the two shared last-minute vows and right as the officiant asked if there were any objections the door to the church flew open.

“stop! stop the ceremony!” a disheveled jake panted. everyone in the room’s jaws flew open except your own. you didn’t know whether to be flattered or embarrassed at his commitment to you in this very moment.

“what is the meaning of this, boy?” lord park boomed. “i’m in love with her, sir.” jake confessed, pointing at your veiled sister. you wanted to dig a hole in the ground and lay there.

jay coughed, nodding his head in your direction, prompting jake to make eye contact with you. as soon as he saw you, his mouth made an o-shape.

you couldn’t take it anymore, standing up dramatically and declaring “he meant me. he’s in love with me and I’m in love with him.”

just when you thought the situation couldn’t possibly worsen, your mother fainted.

at this point the church was a noisy, swarming mess. lady park and arabella attempted to calm your mother after she regained consciousness and became hysterical while your father had to be held back by his sons and lord park from attacking jake. catherine was sobbing in the corner and the officiant simply stared awestryck at the scene unfolding in front of him.

while everyone was distracted, you grabbed jake’s hand and ran out the church doors. the two of you mounted the horse he rode over and ran off in a random direction.

you looked back once to see everyone emerging from the church, frantically looking for you and jake.

“where are we going?” jake asked, clearly on edge. “keep going until we’re too far for them to catch us.” you ordered.

you ended up stopping nearby a small field. dismounting the horse, you noticed a large tear in his shirt. “how did that happen?” you asked, worried.

“your father ripped it open at the church.”

for some indescribable reason, that sentence alone made you both burst into laughter. perhaps it was the ridiculousness of the whole situation.

as jake laughed, you noticed how his nose slightly crinkled, how all his teeth showed, how his eyes closed and his head was thrown back childishly.

you realized just how much you had fallen for him, and how little you could care about your family’s blessings.

“i love you.” you blurted. you quickly placed your hands over your lips as if it would take back what you said. sure it had been implied before, but you had never said those three words to his face. to anyone’s face, really.

“i love you, too.” he whispered, now moving closer to you. the two of you shared a short kiss, breaking apart before leaning back in again.

this time the kiss was deeper, more passionate. his hands travelled to your lower back as yours cupped his jaw.

you felt yourself desperately moving more and more forward, still not feeling close enough to him. he pulled away first, leaving you gasping for air.

“what are we going to do?” he asked, out of breath. “we’re going to get married.” you responded firmly.

grabbing his hand, you hoisted yourself up on the horse once again, patting the seat behind you. “are you sure about this?” he asked, hesitant.

you nodded wordlessly as he seated himself beside you. you charged back in the direction you had just come from.

you, the girl who never cared for marriage, were now determined to fight for your right to marry the man of your dreams.

you made it back to the church within minutes, spotting your both enraged and confused family standing outside.

arabella saw you first, rushing over. “you should have left, y/n. father is going to murder the both of you.” she warned.

you ignored her, walking up to lord and lady park. before you could open your mouth, you felt a harsh grip on your arm, yanking you back, “not only have you sent your mother into a frenzy, you have bought immense shame upon our family with this illicit affair. i am disgusted to call you my daughter.” your father spat.

“don’t speak to her like that.” jake threatened, moving closer to your father.

“enough of this, lord l/n. i have an enormous headache from today. it is safe to say no arrangements will be made between our children. boys, let us leave at once.” lord park commanded.

neither jay nor sunghoon moved, prompting lord park to repeat himself. again, no reaction.

“oh for christ’s sake. i understand sunghoon being a bit hesitant but this girl is clearly not right for you jay-”

“i wish to marry arabella.” jay announced, “and i don’t care if she doesn’t meet your standards. i refuse to leave the church grounds until she is made my wife.”

“neither shall i until catherine and i are wed.” sunghoon chimed in.

“and neither will i until you give my hand to jake and only jake.” you challenged, looking your father in the eye.

“this is nonsense. what has gotten into you kids?” lady park objected. your mother fainted once again, but this time nobody seemed to pay her any mind.

the officiant peeked his head out from the door, “if you’d like, i can officiate the three weddings for the price of just two.”

you saw your father become visibly more upset at the mention of pricing and were reminded of the reason your parents were so adamant on getting you married in the first place.

“father, if arabella marries jay and catherine marries sunghoon, our income nearly doubles. we won’t have to worry about our finances any longer. what is stopping you then from allowing me to marry jake?” you plead, desperate.

“he is a servant. a stablehand, y/n. below a commoner. it was a grave error on your end to even look his way.” he scoffed.

“he’s no longer a servant of mine,” lord park added, rubbing his temples, “not after this mess.”

“then he is now a baker.” you quipped. “pardon me?” your father asked, irritated. “his family owns a bakery so therefore he is a baker. not a servant. i don’t see any reason as to why i cannot marry him now?”

“just let them bloody marry.” lady park cursed just as your mother came back to her senses, causing her to fall unconscious yet again.

“fine.” your father sighed, “but you will not be living on any of my estates.”

“i will give them one of mine.” jay interjected, patting jake on the shoulder.

after that, the ceremony continued. this time with three brides, two disgruntled father-in-laws, and a single annoyed lady (as the other is still passed out).

fast forward to a few months later, you and your parents have reconciled although your father is still weary of jake.

the two of you have settled into your new estate, courtesy of jay. jake is back to working at his family bakery, which has seen a large increase in profit. you also decided to appoint agatha as the head housekeeper in your new home.

jay and arabella are happily married, as are catherine and sunghoon. your family’s finances have improved greatly and you couldn’t be happier for your parents.

you reflected on how drastically your life has changed within the span of a year as you readied yourself for morning tea at arabella’s house.

you put on a simple purple dress and in the corner of your eye, saw the pearl set you wore the night you met jake. grabbing the earrings, you placed them carefully in your ears, reminiscing to yourself in the mirror.

suddenly your husband made his way into the bedroom, placing a firm kiss on your cheek before announcing his departure for work, a tradition the two of you now have.

wishing him luck, you shared one last embrace before you sent him off.

[didhewinkback]

so I love your writing - so much - and I’m brand new to the Harry styles fandom (I’ve admired from afar for years)… could you recommend your favourite writers and fics?? I love your writing so I know that you have to have some good recommendations up your sleeve!!!

omg hiii welcome !! this is so nice and this is my favorite question ever im more than happy to rec bc i am a fic reading machine okay.

so i've listed my faves by my faves as well as their masterlists so you can check out their other works and in reading it back i realize instead of making you a quick easy go-to guide to my fave fics i've written you a novel with soooo many recs. god bless and godspeed and i hope you enjoy !!

(in no particular order)

tis the damn season by @harrytheehottie i love el's writing so so much so its tough to pick a fave bc spinning out is really such a close second but these two mean everything to me, i just love their dynamic and the strong characterizations and the drama !! here's her masterlist, you really cant go wrong here they're all fireeee

hazy by @oh-honey-styles i am a self proclaimed anne stan so picking a fave is super difficult but hazy just sneaks above the rest for me because i just love them and i loove how harry is written here check out her masterlist tho but they are all so so good anne's writing is everything

lighthouse by @for-fucks-sake-h okay my fave of anna's changes allll the time but i did rec jamaica me happy last time so lighthouse wins this round but also all of their one shots/ blurbs are so good too i think about la paloma and never coming back down all the time. check out her masterlist as well u are guaranteed to find ur own fave

the close quarters series by @andwhenshesays was everything to me in 2020 but also you have to read trick of the light & have ur life changed (i can't find kate's masterlist but all of their fics are top tier so go poke around there)

all things yet to come by @soysauceharry is one of my favorite fics i've ever read and i come back to it often, amina has such a way with language and love stories that make it such a delightful re-read, i find new favorite lines all the time. check out their masterlist bc you really cant go wrong there

a soft place to fall by @hslllot i love it so much and can't wait to read more of it. it is such a lovely world to dive into, a perfect escape and shan has a really lovely way with the characters. check out their masterlist bc its toooo too good

the last line by @harry-on-broadway okay im a big tying you to me girl but this new series by sarah was so good, really fun dynamic between penny and harry and lots of fun drama. a really fun read, check out their masterlist too everything is so good

cavalcami by @all-things-fic ohhh i just adore liz's writing it was actually impossible to just rec one, im really partial to the quarantine harry series as well. i just reallly love the relationship dynamics they explore so well, each fic is such a lovely journey and also hot as hell most of the time not gonna line. you can find their masterlist here

infatuation on a mutual level by @harrygoeswest i really loooved this one by katie its so lovely and sweet and fun, i read it in one sitting i was truly hooked, i can't find a way to link her other stories in one go but check them out they're all great!!!

cloudbusting by @starsstruck is one of my all all time faves, i re-read it often. its such a lovely story with really interesting characters and a really lovely love story that makes you want to scream in the best way possible. charlotte has a way of writing really palpable chemistry, i can't find a way to link a masterlist of hers but one of her shorter fics blue dream is one of my faves as well

if you're looking for something shorter and sweet that will make u sweat pls check out our queen of the blurbs @harrysblackcoat nikki alwaysssss brings the fire with her blurbs, which you can find all of them right here it is actually impossible for me to choose a fave but i think of this one often lhh 4ever

ugh a lot of my other faves have since deleted which i respect and understand and also i have just recommended you about 600,000 words to read so godspeed lmk what you think, also if you read any of their works be sure to shoot them a message it really means soooo so much when readers reach out to say what they've liked about the fics!!

[somer-writes]

ugh ok ok ok i am running wild with this gloom infection concept so i wrote a bunch of stuff down before i forget. subject to change bc im kind of just spitballing as of rn

CW for horror/gore/outbreaks of illness/discussion of violence

Twilight

19

Comes from Ordon. Ordon was one of the last places for the gloom to reach. Twilight’s not sure if he’s the only one left, but he’s searching for the others despite the village being more or less destroyed.

Was infected with gloom, was “cured” in Faron Spring (read died and resurrected via light spirit shenanigans)

Instead of Twili markings he has gloom scars. He keeps his left arm in wraps where the gloom left his bone exposed at his wrist and upper arm. The wounds are just kind of there and don’t seem to get better but aren’t getting worse. They no longer give him pain and don't bleed. He also has scars on his cheeks/forehead. The whites of his eyes are a little dull

Gloom did weird shit to him! He doesn’t see well but he has sharp smelling and hearing. He’s very slow to bleed so can sustain more damage but is also very slow to heal. Sunlight’s not great for him and he's pyrophobic

Gloom infected people don’t come after him anymore

Around large groups of infected he sort of joins the mob but can be brought out of it with distance

Somewhat forgetful

Brawler - will use improvised weapons or just go fully barehanded against infected

Wild

17

Comes from Hateno

Got trapped in a house fire set by a neighbor, managed to survive through divine intervention

Lost his memory, covered in scars. The scars cause him mobility issues

Selective mute as a trauma response

Long hair :D but more like TotK length and not LU length

Agile - good at climbing, uses a compound bow and hunting arrows (or makes his own in a pinch)

Wanders aimlessly without a home to attach himself to or people to look for

Makes elixirs/good cook

pretty reckless, enjoys looting to find Good Ingredients XD

Wars

23

From Castle Town

Military background - one of the few survivors of the initial outbreaks

Had to put down a lot of his own men and civilians

Very outwardly aloof and avoidant of his trauma

Control issues, compulsive need to be "hygienic" (sometimes to the point of harm)

Adept with firearms and will use improvised weapons to spare ammo

Left Castle Town to go to Outset Island

Wind

14

Outset is mostly untouched by the gloom, but the island is quarantined

Mainlanders tried to flee to the islands and it caused chaos leading to riots

In the chaos of the riots, Aryll was mistakenly taken to the mainland and Wind went after her

Really good at making and setting traps

Terrified of the infected

Gloom

Outbreak caused by Ganon’s tomb being unsealed and his curse being unleashed

The gloom is spread through bodily fluids like blood or spit. Most commonly it’s spread through biting and scratching

Gloomhands can also spread the infection and expedite it into hours rather than days

Infected wounds can be treated with brightbloom seeds which only grow in the very gloom infested depths under Hyrule which makes the medicine hard to come by

Gloom slowly rots the infected while they’re alive. It also degrades mental capability such as cognitive function and sanity. Progresses very similar to dementia except it causes aggression and violence

Gloomhands are borne from several infected corpses piling in one place

Gloom scars are called “gloom burn” because they resemble burn scars. A lot of times the flesh doesn’t entirely heal with successful treatment

The Chain

They converge at Lon-Lon through coincidence

Tasked by Hylia to beat Ganon and end the curse

The Zelda’s all wield light magic which can cure gloom infection and with enough strength (usually through multiple of them gathered) can reverse the effects of gloom and create safe oases

Aside from needing to mull over the rest of the chain, i'm also considering appearances from Midna, the resistance, ravio & hilda, and phantom ganon

the map will be mostly based on totk with some adjustments. modern contemporary setting with fantasy elements.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

absolutely unrelated to the dreadful little polycule BUT. hey mark was there at deadwood right. like in canon. what do u think post-muse ashe and mark even Look like. i feel like. there's no way they could be normal after that. not that they can in canon but even Less after what ashe knows mark's seen him do. also GOD how does. tidalwave mark coming over to deadwood mark dragging tide with him happen..... one second im still thinking about the dreadful little polycule u know ill always talk ur ear off Abt them!!!

this ask has been cooking in my inbox for WEEKS because thinking about post-muse mark and ashe makes me so fucking sick dude. god. okay. fucking huge ramble about them under the cut

not going to answer the tidalwave thing yet because we NEED 2 discuss what happens to tide instead of depowering him bc that would fucking kill him and we CANNOT kill our dad. i know we mentioned him taking an armsmaster style retirement/thinly veiled house arrest but. thats a conversation for later hehe

ANYWAY. FUCK . POST-MUSE ASHE MY POOR LITTLE BOY. god. this is all going to be hypotheticals and questions honestly. but like. god. thinking abt the scene like. IMMEDIATELY after the trickster lets him go. the trickster lets go of him and ashe just fucking slumps to the ground like a (pun very much intended) puppet with his strings cut. hes not unconscious, hes awake, but the last time he was free and aware he had to watch himself rip william in half! lol! i think that all hits him at once and he just like. falls to his fucking knees!!! and like. mark pov. thats his son his son is free hes had to watch all of this in shock and horror but now ashe is free after so fucking long and all he wants to do is rush forward and hug him (pick him up, bundle him in his arms like he did when ashe first triggered, carry him in the car as they speed out of the quarantine zone hoping nobody is following them-) and i think he gets as far as. falling to his knees next to ashe, but as soon as his hand makes contact i think ashe flinches so hard its almost like the touch hurt him. hes just. staring at his dad with these huge eyes and shallow breaths and hes shaking and crying and its a fucking MESS and mark doesnt know what to DO and the wards are standing in a loose semicircle behind him and ashe does NOT like all of these eyes on him. he knows these are people who love him but he doesnt know ... what the fuck theyre going to think of him. after. all of that.

i think it would be fun (/evil) if for..... a little while after he's free ashe is just CONSTANTLY waiting for the other shoe to drop. he knows trickster has mal now, he believes that was real, and mal can make illusions. so . whats to say this isnt just all. fake. one of these days hes going to wake up covered in blood and gore and new piercings stinging and aching and . ashe winters will just be the empty aftermath of muse again. i cannot IMAGINE a world in which mark would let him out of his sight again... maybe not in the same completely suffocating way he did when ashe was a kid but like. he definitely insists on ashe living with him again. just. theres a sort of nervous hesitance that wasnt there before. mark is so much more Present now that he doesnt have to work for overlord anymore. he's at home. he makes breakfast and dinner and his footsteps are still loud and heavy but theyre cautious and the way he knocks on ashes door is a lot more gentle than it used to be . i just think theyre both like... scared of each other. ashe scared to relax because he thinks that everything could be fake and he doesnt know what anyone really thinks of him anymore (he is so full of shame and guilt over what he did as muse- i dont think anyone would directly Tell Him but i think . he would probably look up the news, just to *know*). and mark is scared because he doesnt know what to do. he doesnt want to make anything worse. he lets the wards and tide visit whenever they want (because he trusts them) because familiar faces and voices might help ashe feel normal again, but hes still. just. so full of paranoia that something else could go wrong.. and all he wants to do is just. put ashe in a vault or something that could keep him safe from anything that could ever hurt him again. but also he knows thats exactly what the trickster was doing to him (and what mark did to him his entire childhood) so he doesnt.

this is . entirely self indulgent and maybe ooc a little bit but i really really REALLY want the first step of them like... healing. is for mark to be doing something maybe in the kitchen or the living room and ashe slowly trudges into the room feet dragging, hair tangled and hanging in his face OBVIOUSLY not touched at all, nervous energy twitchy at everything like he has been for weeks, but instead of sitting himself in the corner or with his back against a wall he just... comes up next to mark and bumps his forehead into his back/arm/whatever. and he doesnt say anything and mark freezes up bc he doesnt want to make any sudden moves and scare him but then after like. a couple long seconds of stillness and silence ashe hugs him. mark asks (voice really quiet) if hes okay, and ashes shakes his head (which is more just like. sideways rocking his forehead without breaking contact) and mark asks if he can hug him back (nod this time) and they just kind of. sink to the floor and theyre crying and hugging and they dont talk about it later but i think thats when it clicks in ashes brain like. huh okay maybe this is real.

[oddvanilla]

kinda pray for monkeypox not becoming a big deal

like our world going NUTS we dont need it too THO very often i think about how everythinh that happens is part of future's history and it makes me kinda less paranoid because people been thorught worse and it wont be a big deal for anyone

ALSO GOT REALLY OFFENDED BY THE APPLICATION THAT CPVID MADE PEOPLE STRUGGLE WITH ASKING FOR KETCHUP for me it qasnt covid i swear i jusy became insane and now try to get more like a human

YESSS YOU GET ITTT!!! LIKE I JUST HOPE ITS NOT TRUE. THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANISATION IS ALREADY FINDING CURES TO IT OR SOMETHING LIKE OMG PLS GO BACK TO FINDING A CURE FOR CANCER LIKE MONKEY POX WONT GET THAAAT BAD....right

(upcoming yap session put Ur seat belts on)

I often think about how back then it was way worse. Like ah yes, I'm a Victorian child born into a lower class family and I'm forced to labour all my life living in the streets of London or something. Of course, you don't have food or water or any source of hygiene to begin with. The worst part is..water quality was so bad back then that if you don't have drinking water; people just drink beer instead.

Imagine your 6 year old daughter working her life off mining in a cave with starvation since yesterday and you have to just give her MORE beer to fill her stomach 😭 like oh GOD that's miserable..

and after all that, im surprised the diseases we get now are more "dangerous" than back then. Mind you, people in the 1800s or 1700s had like NO technology to even think of finding a cure. Like damn you didn't even invent a microscope YET. <- I'll educate you a bit about history..the first microscope as a CONCEPT was made by a Dutch man named Zacharias Janssen all the way back in 1590!!! But the first MODERN microscope that we know nowadays with all the different lenses and even coloured was in 1774. That's like almost 2 centuries later...and incase you haven't focused in your 7th grade science class, the first atomic theory was in 1804. If you understand where I'm going with this, we humans are slow as HELLL.

I'm mentioning all of this saying dude...you're telling me people back then had some deadly diseases, couldn't cure it, DIED on streets, and didnt even GET quarantine.

LIKE NO OLIVIA YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE A WIFE IN THE 1800s. NOT ONLY WILL YOU GET YOUR RIGHTS TAKEN AWAY BUT YOURE ALSO GONNA GET BORN, MARRIED AT 7 YEARS OLD TO THE PRINCE OF FRANCE, GET A DEADLY VIRUS AND DIE BY 12. MUST BE SOO NICE TO BE A WIFE IN THE 1800s CAUSE YOURE BORN IN THE WRONG GENERATION...right?? ❤️

Talking about generation...which I bet everyone is sick of me talking about..but like dude would our generation survive if we just got a time machine to the 17th century. Although I dont believe in the evolution theory because we are NOT monkeys but I believe over time humans learn new skills, which changes their life styles therefore their bodies change too because every creature adapts. Cool!!

You ever see those articles about how nowadays we stay on our phone all day and that'll make our bodies lazy and not used to work blah blah blah,, at first I was gonna say if we go back to the time the Spanish flu for example started we would PROBABLY survive because we have better education, better immune systems due to actual healthcare and we could definitely survive with just common sense. Like wtf?? I'm NOT going to visit by rat filled basement bare foot..

HOWEVER compare the average human who sits on bed all day scrolling and laughing at a glowy rectangular shaped decide called a phone...we would not last a day without internet...at least I know I wouldn't 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

So like...think about it. Why is corona so dangerous?? It's only borderline to older diseases. Or maybe it's the other way around. Corona itself is DEADLY, but it's just the situation and life style we have today that makes me wonder why it's harmless. Like cough cough I got covid oh no!!! I can just stay in my home all day.. like you get what I mean?? I'm sure you would just get back to work if you were unfortunately lower class victorian child and had covid..and dying probably gives you more peace than working a lifetime for 10 cents..

So that's it!!! Silly lil rant about Victorian children, diseases, Humans Adapting, science and history, and of course generations. MY ALL TIME FAVOURITE TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT!!!

[ritualcaster]

Im a man of my word.

DAY 1.

Although I'm writing this down, it's only a courtesy to any who may find this journal. Today Isn't something I think I'll ever forget.

We got lucky. Oh so very lucky. The trains were still running when I sent for Cattail and our colleauges in high society, most of them managed to make it out before the rings were declared a quarantine zone. That said, we didn't get everybody, and not nearly enough either. Cattail hasn't left the guest bedroom I lent him since he got here, he didn't have time to go back for Eden or his wife so I can hardly say I'd fare any better.

For some reason, Fossil stayed behind willingly, presumably to research and possibly find a cure. If anybody can do that, its her. Our communications were cut by rioters before she could fully explain.

We had no response from carrot.

DAY 20.

Theres nothing i can do from here except

Trek there by foot and lead my own rescue mission.

Push has advised against it... strongly...

I can't just leave them.

I have supplies for 2 months.

DAY 23.

Cattail was already packed when I went to tell him I was leaving. I wasn't able to convince him otherwise, but I won't deny I'm happy to have his help.

Cattail knows those outskirts better than anybody. I'm glad we're both omnivores.

Cattail and I fully planned this mission from top to bottom with 3 main goals in mind, save "Eden" and her best friend, dynamite, collect data on the situation, and find at least one sample to bring back.

I originally planned to set up more reliable contact with fossil as well, but Cattail decided traveling into high society would be too dangerous and limited me to as far as the middle ring. To be truthful, I was not expecting him to be this level headed, all things considered.

If possible, although dangerous, we will attempt to bring back other surviviors from the center ring as well.

DAY 24.

We set out for travel today, and, to go back on my word, we did not set out on foot.

Who doesn't love a good off-roading trip in a car that may-or-may-not belong to your boss?

DAY 26.

We can see the rings from here.

We will not be traveling to the center ring.

DAY 28.

We parked the jeep near the wall and decided to climb instead of using the main entrance to avoid rioters and a paniced mob, Cattail and I decided to split up for exactly 24 hours, and meet back here, I suggested it because I was worried Cattail wouldn't survive an encounter with whatever these things are.

DAY 29.

They got my fucking eye.

Excuse my profanity.

I managed 2 different samples

The first was by far less dangerous, I stalked one for about 4 hours, and managed to catch what seems to be some kind of maggot that fell off of it as it rounded a corner.

The second was stationary it was completley different than the first, with multiple roaming around it, almost gaurding it as i observed from the rooftop.

But even more worriesome were the "spikes", maybe "stingers"? Regardless, I watched a crow get a little too close, they both lunged at it midair and before long the crow was nothing but rotting flesh.

I should have backed down there, but I was determined, I took the crossbow from my bag, I only brought one bolt, not expecting this kind of foe. With two paper clips, a rubberband, and a long piece of stitching thread from the medkit I managed to create something extrordinary, a crossbow bolt with two paper clips on it. It was enough to get a small sample, so i don't think it mattered. I climbed down from the roof top, carefully avoiding the ones roaming around, and staying well out of reach of the stingers, I fired the bolt at the main structure, then yanked it back with the thread, as for how I lost my eye, every single one that was roaming around the structure made a beeline for mee as soon as the bolt hit the main structure. I "shelled up" a little too late. After attacking me for what seemed like years, the parasites eventually left me alone.

I'm never coming back here again.

DAY 30.

I didn't realize the full extent of the damage I took yesterday until i was done writing, they didn't just get my eye, they cracked the back of my shell aswell. I must have been in shock because this is incredibly painful. My shell has taken hits from bears, beastials, and once even a "false king" on my missions and never once has my shell taken any damage more than a scratch.

Cattail managed to find the two we came for, albiet not in the best state. Eden looked so different that i originally didn't recognize her, and not just in the maturity sense, she had apperently completely changed forms multiple times since I last saw her, I always assumed Cattail was exagerating, but this truly isnt normal even for her object type. I'll have to talk with her about that later.

We made it back to the jeep and from there we were home free, just a three day drive back.

DAY 32.

Those kids apperently worked up an appetite because we ended up having to forage multiple times. We packed for *two months* what happened to these two?

I tried making conversation, but all three of them seemed to be out of it, even more so than myself!

DAY 33.

It's worse than i thought

We arrived home and unpacked, but as soon as the two walked inside cattail pulled me aside and told me what had happened too them in such a short amount of time. How it spread so quickly terrified me, and i later checked the samples, which had both "died".

I feel horrible for not leaving earlier.

Its a lot harder than you'd think to write with one eye. I'll leave these three alone for awhile while i get my eye fixed, they need time.

DAY 34.

I got in contact with pin, and they respawned me in treatment as a quick fix as per push' suggestion. My eye was fixed but for some reason I still had all my scars and my shell had visible "fuse" lines.

When I asked about it they shrugged.

I need a better doctor.

Day 35.

I woke up in push' office, I talked with push in person, and she told me the goverment of reaching gardens is seizing my samples, but push should still have a say over what happens to them from her position.

I don't know what I was expecting really.

I'll stay with push for now, They need space.

DAY 36.

Who knew push could cook?

Anyway after we studied the sample all we could see was printer materials and not much else. Honestly if these things are made by terminals Fossil might actually have a chance, esspecially with carrot helping her! Luckily already cut off the terminals from the rings, we got readings they weren't functioning properly and cut the connection weeks before the outbreak. Who knows what would hablve happened if we didnt.

With just these two samples and limited knowledge om terminal coding and function, this is all the research we can do for now

DAY 37.

I asked cattail for updates today, and they had gone to court without telling me. Accirding to Cattail dynamite had snuck out shortly after i left and confessed to an officer, but all charges the were dropped as soon as they heard he was from the rings.

I can only imagine how guilty he must feel.

I began planning a second "rescue mission" with push. I may not enjoy it but I'm obligated regardless.

DAY 38.

Neither of us slept at all.

We're looking to rescue as many people as legally and physically possible but with our sparce resources the most we're looking at

Is two helicopters and a few ground vehicles.

I called shotgun

DAY 39.

With each passing minute i'm getting more and more anxious to leave. I won't let this situation progress any further.

Push managed to haggle the government into three times the resources if we bring back a live sample, but i have no idea how we'll make it into center ring let alone high society even with those resources.

DAY 40.

Everything is in place to leave

We're bringing extra food this time

Cattail decided to stay here with mushroom and dynamite after I urged him these resources were plenty and his help wasn't needed.

I may have been too harsh, I'm not good at lying.

DAY 41.

Writing [???] helicopter [???]

[??????]

they [???] really big tank

[????????????????]

DAY 44.

I apologize for my previous notes, the "tank" i mentioned is a glass tank they gave us last second for the live sample, its very small so I have no idea how we'll manage. Perhaps my eyesight hasn't fully recovered quite yet, but writing from a helicopter is surprisingly difficult.

The land party went in though the gate this time, they were armed, but for the most part it was seemingly empty.

This mission is going WAY better than last time so far, we're already just outside the center ring!

DAY 45.

Our radios picked up a short message,

But it went to static to quickly to understand or respond, they reffered to these things as "parasites" which seems much more accurate than "those things" so I'll use that from now on.

When we first got into the center ring, our windows fogged up completely, we actually had to land. typically the rings arent nearly this humid.

We decided to set up camp at the center ring, that way if things go south, we can too! So far, no survivors, we have gunned down about three of these things now, but we switched to a handheld flamethrower push brought (???) Because the noise was attracting parasites and possibly scaring off survivors.

That radio signal gave me an idea though

DAY 45.

Push's flamethrower has been incredibly effective at keeping them at bay while I broadcasted our location over the radio with a short message about the situation.

The first too arrive was a group of 5.

4 adults, one child.

When they arrived the set up their own section of camp without a word. One of them was severely injured, but we fixed him up ok. He'll live for now.

That kid and her chalk is getting pretty annoying.

DAY 46.

I suggested we move into high society but push was against it. Shes the one rrunning this mission so I couldn't really argue.

We had 2 seperate groups of survivors arrive today, but they seemed to know each other. Why is everything with these survivors so complicated?

The first too arrive were two girls that I was afraid to make eye contact with. They were a lot more talkative then the previous group, I explained that we were a rescue party from reaching gardens, they offered too help defend camp while we waited for more survivors.

The second group was much larger, and all three groups keep giving each other dirty looks. They all seem to know each other and not in a good way. Im debating leaving these guys if we get over crowded...

DAY 46

We were debating whether or not it was time to try and capture one alive when a smaller fellow wandered in, and I do mean wandered, he's the only one that not here from the radio signal.

We were warned by two of the previous groups about him, but not in any particular way, just that he was somehow more dangerous than he looked. With thise warnings in mind, I gladly put him in the tank. Temporarily of course. I picked him up with one hand to do so, I am unsure if this guy is dangerous in any way, but better safe than sorry...

DAY 47.

We were almost at max capacity and debating leaving and coming back later, when we were alerted by one of the pilots that something was coming, A massive horde of parasites was headed directly for us, but even more importantly just ahead of the massive horde was a jeep going faster than i have ever seen a jeep go.

Fossil you crazy bastard.

She made it too us well before the horde did, and we left immedeatly.

I avoided writing this one until we landed.

DAY 50.

We made it back, and with bullets to spare.

I was getting tired of gunshots.

We didnt manage to get a live sample though, so Push is about to have to pay so much money.

I kept that weirdo in the tank, maybe he's enough of a specimen.

DAY 51.

He was a specimen.

We scanned everybody for infectiom when we got back using an invention of fossils.

He was the only one who came up positive.

My luck has come though a suspicious amount of times now...

DAY 52.

That weirdo, "Wagyu" he said, is probably the strangest person I have ever met. Although, considering the circumstances, that does make sense.

From what we can tell, wagyu isnt infected quite like the others, for some reason, the thousands of parasites crawling all over him won't mutate him at all.

[merakiui]

WAAA MERA I LOVE MONOPS'S REFLECTION SO MUCHHHH

im obsessed with the way you portrayed jade in the story. like its not everyday that i get to see him written in a way that totally doesnt hide his insanity at all. reading monops's reflection was just so <33 aaa tysm for writing smth so amazing!!!

you mentioned before that monops!jade is very "rotten girl grotesque romance", and i totally agree, but i was actually reminded of another old yandere vocaloid song when i read the fic! idk if you know it, but its called "pure love restraint". its a really good song hehe, you should totally check it out if you dont already know it!

oh also speaking of songs, i recently started listening to loveit? by biz since you mentioned it a while ago, and i love the song so much >< do you happen to have any other song recommendations because clearly you have great taste in music~

also as a final note, i cant wait for tmdg hehe 👉👈

-kanata <3

AAAAA THANK YOU!!!!! >w< I'm so happy you enjoyed Monops's Reflection!!!! Jade is so wildly deranged in that fic. He truly is the embodiment of the harsh, brutal depths he hails from. ;;;; seeing Reader in the storage closet with Floyd pushed him over the edge he'd been teetering on for so long now. T^T he's far surpassed the point of no return. I had so much fun finishing this fic and portraying Jade in such a terrifying manner. And poor Reader had no idea what hid behind that seemingly pleasant smile of his until it was too late...

There are so many layers to Monops!Jade. How he gets so disgusted at the sight and thought of you with anyone else. How it's not really sexual gratification he's after; he's just chasing some thrill he's yet to figure out in its entirety, which is why he doesn't touch you at all during the non-con scene. Because it's not your pleasure he cares about; he could care less whether you feel good or not. How his sanity is so thin and threadbare that it's hardly there at all. How he fails to recognize that, despite the similarities he shares with Floyd, he's still his own person, still different, but not different enough for you to look his way, apparently. And then there's the meaning of Monops, which is a "one-eyed creature." >:D aaaaa he's truly the worst.

OOOOO "true love restraint"!!!!!!! I love that song!!! That song definitely has the vibes that Monops!Jade exudes!! And I'm happy you enjoyed listening to "loveit." :D it's a very good song, but then all of biz's songs are amazing!!!

>:) I always have song recommendations to share!! I'll list a few of my favorite (lesser known) Vocaloid songs with dark undertones/stories below, but if there's any specific genre you'd like recs for please let me know!!!

✧ insanity blue (all of kashii moimi's songs are fantastic!!! i recommend them, but this one is my all-time favorite hehe)

✧ wolfism (there's also a jade utau cover of this song. <3 both are very good.)

✧ go to daitokai (the lyrics for this one are very nsfw, but this song is very catchy.)

✧ biohazard (the original is very good, but i love the sonika cover so much!!)

✧ distortion love (this piko cover is everything. <3)

✧ ◇◇ (i love this song and the songs that are similar to [redacted]'s style. i'm not sure if you know of these style of utau songs (the "no title" songs), but in 2020 they became especially popular and a lot of people online began to call it a secret cult of sorts, where you couldn't search these videos normally because they didn't have a title to search for, so instead the videos would find you.)

✧ lamprey hole (i love this song forever!!!!!)

✧ meiro (it's so so good!!!)

✧ no title (this song is a banger!!!!!!!!! it got me through quarantine as did all the other no title songs and tributes. :D)

I will stop here or else the list will go on endlessly, but if you ever wish to hear new music I will be happy to share some recommendations!!! Also, thank you for looking forward to tmdg!!!!! <3 it grows closer to completion with every passing day!!!!

[fandom-blackhole]

hi :3 your jackson song as a joel fic is still rent free in my head. could you share your idea? or is it still under wraps?

mwah mwah!! 😘

You know what? You asked for this, you made me think of this fic idea again, so you're getting the full fic rn. I hope you enjoy it lmao <3 <3

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader (gender/race neutral) Summary: Three times Reader sings Jackson by Johnny Cash and annoys Joel, and the one time Joel actually joins in. this is a 3+1 bc i couldn't decide which scene I had imagined for this to write so I went with all of the above (I heavily suggest listening to the song at least once, it's a great tune and will get stuck in your head lol) Warnings: contains spoilers for the show and game (bc as usual I am mixing the two together, mentions of violence and guns, really just reader being annoying to Joel, me shitting on KC (im from KS so im allowed), UNEDITED (bc i am being a bit lazy sorry) WC: 4.5k (how do all of my fics get away from me like this smh)

1

It had been a long few hours. Emotions were a little high and tension was a bit thick. Neither you nor Joel had been expecting what you found when you finally got to Bill and Frank’s small town. You’d expected a smile and hug from Frank and grumpy complaining from Bill over bringing an outsider, let alone a kid to his town. You’d expected to see Frank take to Ellie and want to show her around, clean her up and feed her like he loved to do. You’d expected to find two of the few you allowed yourself to call friends. Instead you found quiet emptiness, dead flowers, and a note that had your heart breaking for the second time in so many days. Tess' death still heavy on your heart, now had the company of losing Bill and Frank.

So when the first notes softly floated from the speakers of the truck Bill left Joel, you had to do a double take, a grin quickly lighting up your face as you jumped forward in your seat and turned up the radio. The words you knew by heart, the song one of your mother’s favorites, so at the exact time Joel turned to you in question, you grinned widely at him and sang along, “We got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout.”

With a huff Joel whispered to himself an exasperated, “Christ,” but you carried on.

“We’ve been talkin’ ‘bout Jackson, ever since the fire went out.”

You could hear Ellie behind you laughing to herself as Joel shook his head. You didn’t let up, though, you kept singing and pulling laughs from Ellie, making sure to put emphasis on the way you sang every time Jackson was mentioned. You made sure to put on a show as the song switched back and forth between the duet, deepening your voice and acting all suave while Johnny Cash sang and all smooth and flirty during June Carter’s parts.

By the time the song was over, you were a bit breathless from your antics and Ellie was doubled over in the back seat of the truck laughing at you and clapping for you. Joel, though, simply reached over and turned the radio back down til the next song was just barely heard over Ellie's wheezing and the sound of the truck’s engine. 

Turning to Joel with a giant grin, you see him simply shaking his head. So you tilted your head at him, as he glanced at you out of the corner of his eye. 

“Well? What did you think of my once in a lifetime performance,” you asked with a teasing grin.

Joel simply huffed, “It was, uh, somethin’.”

With faux pride you close your eyes with a nod and confidently say, “Thank you, I worked very hard on that you know. Gonna be singing on the big stage one day.”

That drew a chuckle out of Joel as he grinned and said, “I look forward to seein’ it.”

2

Kansas City looked a bit worse for wear than you had expected. Though you probably should have really expected this, the rumors that floated around about the city were not favorable. Of all of the cities and FEDRA run quarantine zones it was well known that Kansas City was one of the worst and you better off trying to survive on your own rather try and find refuge within the city. Honestly though it's not too surprising the quarantine zone ended up the way it did, the city was situated in the ass crack of Missouri and Kansas afterall. 

You were however caught off guard when you found that the Kansas City FEDRA had finally toppled and the city had been taken over by a group of hunters who were more than happy to use what the soldiers had left behind after their deaths. The hunter were still crafty with their environment, you had to give them that. 

The crash had left all three of you disoriented. You had not expected the bus that they had let loose on the truck and you highly doubted Joel had expected it either. When the truck crashed into the convenience store you were thrown forward, smashing you head into the dash so hard spots formed in your eyes and you could feel a piece of glass dig into the skin right above your left eye. 

After that things kind of passed in a blur for you. You knew there was a fight and you knew that you had shot at a few guys, though you kind of doubted that you actually managed to hit either with how disoriented you were. Once it was safe for the moment, Joel raced to check on you and Ellie, shoving your bags into your arms. Ellie as it turned out was no worse for wear because she’d been ducked down in the backseat out of sight of the hunters, and your only injuries were from the crash, a small gash on your forehead and a mild concussion from Joel’s estimate.

The three of you didn’t really have time to waste on first aid at that moment, so you’d simply pressed a bandana you had to you head and motioned to a large building a little ways away, whispering, “That’s probably our safest bet right now, we’ll get me fixed up once we know we are all safe.”

Joel had only hesitated for a second before agreeing. He led you and Ellie carefully to the building, safely making sure the three of you stayed out of sight. Once inside, you found that the building was an old hotel, and a nice one at that.

You quietly whistled and said, “This place is nice, could only dream of coming to a place like this before the outbreak.”

Joel just grunted as he looked around for useful things, finding a safe as he replayed, “Isn’t exactly nice anymore.”

You leaned against the counter beside where he was crouched trying to crack the safe and watched as Ellie looked around the lobby with an interest only a child could have. Sighing you shrugged and glanced over your shoulder as you heard the door creak open and replied, “I don’t know. If the outbreak did anything it did bring a certain beauty to the world. There’s something poetically beautiful in the sight of nature reclaiming what once belonged to it.”

Walking around the counter, Joel stood in front of you with a brow raised and shook his head, “Maybe that concussion is worse than I thought if you’re gettin’ all philosophical on me.”

With a huffed laugh you  rolled your eyes and just nodded to the stairs, “Come on.”

Your progression upward went smoothly until the fourth floor where per your group’s usual luck you found the stairs blocked with all kinds of debris. You never thought you would miss stairs, but as you picked your way through the floor scouting for a way up you wished that just once the three of you would pick a building that had a simple straightforward way to the top. 

You were pulled from your melancholic thoughts by Ellie’s raised voice, “Found a way up!”

You were a little thankful to be pulled away from your thoughts, the action slowly making the ever present headache since the crash throb. Quickly as possible you made your way across the hallway to the room Ellie had been looking through and smiled when you found a concert room with a stage and a beautiful grand piano. You made your way to the stage, noticing the way up Ellie found was on the corner of the stage where the above balcony’s railing had fallen. Gently you ran your fingers over the piano, a little sad to see such a magnificent creation in such disrepair. Looking up to Ellie who stood on the other side you made your way around and hip bumped her. 

“You know how to play?”

Ellie laughed and turned to you with a look that screamed she was judging you as she replied, “You really think they’d teach us to play piano in FEDRA school? Let alone find one that actually works,” she shook her head and slowly made her way to the edge of the stage, jumping down. “What about you? You play?”

You hummed and ran your fingers over the keys, cringing at the awful out of tune melody that played. You were stopped from answering though as your fingers fell upon an old rusted microphone. Picking it up you smiled and looked up right as Joel walked into the room. Instantly you laughed, and your grin spread as your eyes met Joel's stoic hazel.

Gently you twirled to the center of the stage, a little dizzy from the sudden movements, but didn’t let it deter you. Looking up at your crowd you heard Joel ask Ellie, “What on Earth are they doing?”

You saw Ellie answer with a shrug and that's when you started to sing the opening notes of the song you had been annoying Joel with for weeks. Ellie laughed and Joel tried protesting but you just carried on. You let yourself get carried away singing the lyrics and making a fool of yourself on stage with your poor excuse of dancing. 

It didn’t take Joel long to make his way to the stage, to stop you or figure out how to reach the balcony on the second floor you weren’t sure, but if you had to put money on it you’d guess both. The second he was within reach you grabbed his hand and pulled him towards you as you sang, “Go play your hand, you big talkin’ man. Make a big fool of yourself.”

Rolling his eyes Joel pulled away and you let him go only a second later as you spun yourself again the dizziness became too much and you found yourself stumbling with a gasp. Thankfully Joel had been close enough and had caught you before you fell and hit your head again on the stage.

He led you over to the piano bench and sat you down, taking the microphone from you as he said, “Sit and rest, before you hurt yourself more. Not exactly smart jumping and twirling around with a fresh concussion, nor making a bunch of noise when we are supposed to be keeping a low profile so we aren’t found by those hunters.”

With a sigh you just pouted, over not being able to finish your song but you listened to him and sat there and watched as Joel and Ellie pushed the grand piano over to the wall and watched as Ellie used it to jump up to the next floor. Joel followed but turned to you after getting onto the piano, motioning like he was going to help you up, which he did and then helped boost you to the next floor even if you didn’t need it, getting the feeling he was coddling you now.

Once he was up next to you again, you turned to him with a faux pout, “You said you looked forward to seeing me perform on a stage.”

With a huff, Joel gave you a look that said he was already tired of this situation and only replied, “Do it again when you aren’t a danger to yourself or the rest of us.”

3

Joel was infallible. At least you had always thought he was. He was the best survivor you knew, there was no question as to why he had gotten this far into the apocalypse, he just knew how to take care of himself and protect those around him. You had seen him get scrapes and bruises from fights and a couple of grazes from near misses from bullets. Never could you imagine that the man you held on such a high pedestal could fall as heavily as he had. You never thought you’d have to watch the man you’d found yourself caring for whole heartedly almost bleed out before your eyes. 

But here you are, watching him shiver from the cold and no doubt from the pain wracking his body. Watching him sleep in fits and gazing into glazed eyes when he was barely awake. It was hard to watch, but you tried to be strong for Ellie’s sake. You sometimes would catch her staring at Joel’s fitful body, worry echoing on her face before she threw up a wall on her emotions. You didn’t want to admit it, but of the two she was more helpful. She’d been more successful with finding food and hunting than you have been. Ellie is also the one that had managed to find and bring back the full stocked and sterile first aid kit that you’d used to suture and clean Joel’s wound with, even if the supplies hadn’t done too much for his weakening state. You had found that your main use was only keeping the three of you on track to Salt Lake City and acting as a nurse to Joel, getting him to drink water or broth without drowning him, something Ellie found she didn’t really have the patience or the bedside manner to do. 

Still you hid your worries, and shared optimistic thoughts with Ellie during the day even if you didn’t truly believe them yourself.You like to believe you’re helping Ellie by doing this, but in truth you think she’s doing the same for you, just putting on a brave face to make you feel better. 

Each night the two of you would take turns taking watch, Ellie always going first, insisting you get rest and not truly trusting you to wake her for the second watch- which was fair because the one time she had agreed to let you take first watch you hadn’t had the heart to wake the exhausted girl to which she’d given you the silent treatment for the next day. 

It was only during your watches, once you knew for sure Ellie was asleep, her breaths evening out and her body relaxing, that you allowed your mask to slip, to let your worries out. Each night that passed you swore Joel got paler, that he looked closer to death’s door. You hate watching him wither away like this, hate seeing the strongest person you know, your rock in this world, fall and not be able to help him even though your heart screams at you. You have found yourself sobbing helplessly into your hand in attempts to stay quiet a few times, the hurt and worry building up inside you until it exploded. You hated that you felt weak, but truely what could you do when your strength lay slowly dying on a nasty old twin sized mattress? 

Tonight though the tears don’t come. Instead you find yourself feeling empty in your grief as you sit beside Joel’s head gently combing your fingers through his hair in a soothing motion. You weren’t sure if it was meant to sooth Joel or yourself, but either way the action seemed to be grounding you and it could be your imagination but it seemed that Joel’s face seemed somewhat more relaxed so you didn’t stop. 

You aren’t sure when, but you caught yourself humming at some point and you couldn’t help but smile and jokingly think to yourself, ‘if anything is going to get a reaction out of him, it’ll be hearing me annoy him with this song again.’

You let yourself hum it a few times, making sure to stay quiet, not wanting to wake Ellie who’d become somewhat of a light sleeper, but eventually you had to laugh and whisper, “Yeah, go to Jackson, and go comb your hair,” as you ran your fingers through Joel’s hair. 

You let yourself sing a few more lines, not really paying attention to anything but where your fingers continued their path through his hair, so you were surprised when you felt your free hand, which you had just had laying on Joel’s chest, be enclosed in a rougher calloused hand. Pausing your singing you looked down in surprise and found Joel’s lips turned upward just slightly, and his hand enveloping your own in a loose hold. 

With a watery smile, knowing that just moving his hand had to have had taken a lot of energy from him, so you clutched it tighter in your hold as you turned back to running your fingers through his hair as you whispered to him, “Yeah, you go to Jackson, you big talkin’ man. And I’ll be waitin’ in Jackson,” before trailing back off into a hum. 

4

It was over, all of it was finally over. The fireflies were gone, something you would never have to worry about again. Joel was strong again, Ellie was safe, and all three of you were all back in Jackson settling down and making a home for yourselves with Tommy and Maria and all of the townsfolk. And you couldn’t be happier. Everything in life just felt right for the first time since the outbreak. It was odd in a way, but it was so freeing that you didn’t care. You never could have let yourself dream about a life like this, of having a family like this that you could allow yourself to care for. You didn’t think something like this would ever be allowed to live, to thrive in a world so torn apart by a deadly infection and the worst of humanity. But you found it, and you let yourself bask in it. You let yourself be happy.

When the three of you all arrived back in Jackson it had taken a while for each of you to all settle in and relax. It was so foreign after spending months fighting and protecting each other's backs from every danger imaginable. Ellie had taken about a month to situate herself in the town, finding it a bit easier with teens her age being so interested in being her friend and getting to know her as the new kid in town. She settled into the garage and made it her own. Watching her have her own space was a little hard after having her in your sights 24/7 for so long, but you knew she needed it, that she deserved it after everything she went through. You and Joel stayed in the house together, both unwilling to be to far from the teen after everything that went down in Salt Lake City at the hospital and finding the bond between the two of you keeping you together. You each had your own rooms though Joel’s only got used every once in a while, many nights bringing him to your room when your nightmares wake him up. His own nightmares occasionally brought him to you as well, as he found comfort in not being alone, in waking up to find you laying there with soft breaths next to him.

Joel took about a little over a month to settle into the community but once Tommy got him in on the patrol board, he immediately found his place. Letting Joel have some control over where and how the patrols went allowed him to feel a sense of peace. It played into his strong suit of needing to know that the people he cared about were safe and taken care of. Seeing Joel let himself relax and fill the role really warmed your heart, happy to know Joel was finally at peace after so many years of functioning just in fight-or-flight mode. 

You, though, took the longest to find your place in Jackson. You didn’t slack, you jumped from job to job filling any empty position in any area that they would let you, but the truth was you didn’t have a strength or a useful skill that could be applied somewhere within the town. You could hunt, but you were not the best at it. You were decent at growing things but the greenhouse didn’t really need anymore volunteers. And while you did love children you neither had the patience or the knowledge to be teaching. So as time passed and Joel and Ellie found their rhythms in the town you found yourself feeling like you were floundering a bit, drowning in a pool of water where your feet should be touching the ground. It wasn’t until you were doing a patrol with Joel a few months after settling back in Jackson that he brought up that the doctor in town was looking to train a new nurse. He had brought it up nonchalantly, but you could tell by the way he glanced out of the corner of his eye that he had a reason behind bringing it up. Later you managed to weasel it out of him, to which he simply replied, “I may not have been all there, but I remember how well you played nurse for me. I think you’d be good at it.”

He had been right of course, you had taken to the position like a duck to water and within no time you found yourself finding your own path in Jackson, letting yourself finally fall into content happiness that Joel and Ellie had also found. In no time at all the three of you all found yourself falling into a routine, each of you revolving around the other two and finding ways to still stay close and not get too busy to not be able to know what the others were up to. Your favorite day in the routine was every three days you’d all have a family meal, Tommy and Maria joining the three of you every other meal.

It was on one of those nights that Joel had come home late from his patrol. You had already started making dinner and had simply shooed him upstairs to take a shower while you finished cooking, knowing that it was only a matter of time before Ellie burst in the back door groaning about being starving. 

You weren’t sure how long Joel took to get cleaned up, you had zoned out into your thoughts shortly after hearing the shower turn on, but after what you knew only had to have been a handful of minutes you heard him coming back downstairs, and when he came into the kitchen you simply motioned to the table, asking if he’d set it for you as you had dinner already almost finished. 

You however didn’t expect to hear Joel turn on your little portable CD player on the counter and skip through the songs as he said, “Found you something’ while on patrol today.”

You hummed in question, curiosity over taking you as you glanced over your shoulder at him before turning back to stirring what you were cooking. Only a few seconds later you paused as the all to familiar notes floated around the kitchen and a soft smile found its way onto your face. Gently you started swaying as you cooked, but almost as soon as you had started you found a pair of arms wrapped around your middle as Joel pulled you away from the stove, as his deep accented voice sang, “We got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout. We’ve been talkin’ ‘bout Jackson ever since the fire went out. I’m goin’ to Jackson, I’m gonna mess around. Yeah I’m goin’ to Jackson, look out Jackson town.”

Laughing joyfully you join in right as June Carter does and turn to face Joel sticking your spoon in his face as you back up towards the stove to turn it down as you sang, “Well, go on down to Jackson. Go ahead and wreck your health. Go play your hand, you big talkin’ man, Make a big fool of yourself. Yeah, go to Jackson, go comb your hair.”

With a grin Joel grabs the spoon from your hand, laying it on the spoon rest, before grabbing your hand as he picked up his part of the duet once more, “Honey, I’m gonna snowball Jackson, see if I care. When I breese into that city, people gonna stoop and bow. All them women gonna make me teach ‘em what they don’t know how. I’m going to Jackson. You turn ‘n’ loosen my coat, ‘cause I’m goin’ to Jackson.”

Swaying in Joel’s arms as he sang was perfect and you wished more than anything that you could pause time right there and just enjoy this for all eternity. As his part finished once more, Joel twirled you, which you used to sway away from him as you came in singing, “”Goodbye,” that’s all she wrote. But they’ll laugh at you in Jackson and I’ll be dancin’ on a Pony Keg. They’ll lead you ‘round town like the scalded hound, with your tail hooked between your legs. Yeah, go to Jackson, you big talkin’ man. And I’ll be waitin’ in Jackson behind my Jaypan fan.”

You managed to stay out of Joel’s reach until the end laughing as the two of you joined together twirling and dancing around as you sang together.

“Well, now, we got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout. We’ve been talkin’ ‘bout Jackson ever since the fire went out. I’m goin’ to Jackson and that’s a fact. Yeah, we’re going to Jackson, ain’t never comin’ back.”

Joel’s grin was bigger than you’ve ever seen, your happiness radiating off eachother as he swung you out and brought you back in as the two of you finished the song together, eyes never leaving the other’s, “Well, we go married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout. Honey, we’ve been talkin’ ‘bout Jackson ever since the fire went out.”

At the very end Joel surprised you by dipping you low, which pulled a loud gasping laugh from you before he pressed a small kiss to your lips before pulling you back up. You couldn’t wipe the grin off of your face once you were back on your feet, not even when two sets of claps came from the doorway along with a quick retching noise. Whipping your head around you felt yourself heat up in embarrassment to see Tommy and Maria standing there grinning at the two of you while Ellie wrinkled her nose and called the two of you gross.

  “Hope the two of you didn’t burn our dinner while you were too busy being all lovey dovey,” Ellie griped while plopping down into her seat at the table.

“As a matter of fact I turned the stove off at the beginning of the song, so don’t worry, your food will be just fine,” you replied carrying the pot to the table as Joel passed around plates and silverware, taking it from you once you reached the table with a soft loving smile which you returned, making Ellie groan about losing her appetite even though she was smiling. All the while Tommy and Maria simply enjoyed the entertainment, though Maria did lean over and whisper, “Why can’t you be romantic, like that?”

To which Tommy grinned and simply replied while filling her glass with water, “You want me to try?”

With a sigh, Maria met his gaze and said, “No, I’m not sure I can hand whatever you think would be romantic.”

[suckinitup]

also hi!!!! before u get much further in worm actually. holding a microphone up to u. i'd love ur worm thoughts like in general!!! (my favorite question to ask people <3) on. taylor & her character development. what u think the end of the worlds gonna be . rachel. etc. whatevers on ur mind!!!

hi hi hi!!! right now what it on my on my mind is taylor shooting a goddamn baby. and how necessary that was. and how shooting a baby maybe saved the world.

shes so fucking. shes so fascinating. taylor. god. shes horrible. she hated armsmaster for being brusque and an asshole but now she loves defiant for getting down to business because she Gets It. theyve got other shit to focus on. she spent so much time being pragmatic about the bullying and then went thru this whole fucking cost/benefit analysis for Years to survive coil and the nine and the nine again and shes just. man. i like how she gets along so well with rachel and defiant who dont do people super well but she DIDNT early on when she was still her most classic hero (and “normal”). AND something something breakdown of her typical social structures. further compartmentalizing people as tools and resources instead of People. minions. like bugs. she very obviously still sees them ss people shes just super fucking traumatized and everything has reinforced for her over and over again that she HAS to be pragmatic and clever and evil because this is a horrible game where she has to make sacrifices. but im also thinking about when theo compared her to jack. and i was talking before about missing the closeness of the undersiders and actually getting to know the characters as well as she does but. theres still that fucking distance with her and i really appreciate that i dont know shit about her team now. it makes me think about when they pulled that dildo prank and she just sat down at the computer to read reports afterwards while the others laughed. shes a general. an administrator queen. she gives orders so good that chevalier listens to her without a second thought. she has made so many calls and saved so many people. she got behemoth skeletonized. she is eighteen years old and yknow. i dont think shes thought about her dad even once after the two year time skip. thats. yeah okay.

that super classic horror theme of “youre doing horrible things and i understand why” << that is taylor hebert at the core. shes been slow-cooked into This since she emma first rejected her. since sophia first tripped her.

makes me think abojt dragon actually. and how dragon was terrifying. but we only saw her be TERRIFYING and kill people when she took out that bus of cherishes. and she got shut down and the chance of the world ending decreased. dragon was allowed to do what she did until she broke free of her bonds in the pursuit of justice. thinking sbout taylor. and how trying ti save people always makes her worse and worse. her obsession with saving dinah made her do so much. how much good vould coil have accomplished with skitter to manipulate him and dinah to guide him. and now shes shot a little girl who was even more defenseless. dinah couldnt be sacrificed but aster could. and yeah theyre at different scales but. i cant help but draw that parallel anyway. and the way that the prt will quarantine entire areas and leave the people inside as a little supervillain treat. and taylor recognizing that they couldnt save the w if they wanted to take doen the eight siberians.

i keep losing my thoughts and drawing connections all over the place idk if im even making sense at this fucking point but. God. Taylor Skitter Weaver Hebert. The character that you are.