#and incredibly enough those are not nearly fine enough divisions

[plantpirating]

"Ethnic"

"Ethnic" feels like a weird descriptor.

Ethnic music: either too specific (would "folk music" be a better descriptor) or too general (which ethnicity?)

Ethnic food: Couldn't all food be considered ethnic? Or...you could just specify the ethnicity??

Ethnic art: ya, same problem again. What is going on here?

Ethnic actor: For jeebus sake, just tell me! What ethnicity?? Is there some reason why we're pussyfooting around?

Wait a minute...Is "ethnic" just a sneaky way of saying that something has a *gasp* nonwhite person origin? How very "us vs. them" of you.

Actually, I will say that the more I think about this, the more it makes me quite angry. It feels like such an utter lack of respect to boil down the vastness of different experiences of people of color into the single word "ethnic". Damn, my brothers and sisters, what kind of ignorance and arrogance is this?

And don't tell me, "it's too complicated". You don't speak for me! I'd actually love to know what the origin of something is! It's not to complicated to tell me this is Igbo music from Nigeria. It's not too complicated to tell me this is Xhosa food from South Africa.

Don't deprive me of the chance of learning something outside my own sphere of knowledge! Give me a chance to appreciate the amazing diversity of this planet's people groups!

But I'm just a random white potato. I don't pretend to have the whole picture here, and I don't pretend to have all the nuance. These are just my random fiery thoughts after seeing three separate music videos on Youtube being called "ethnic". I would love to hear any other thoughts on the matter.

[balioc]

Holiday Engineering: What Not to Do

We can learn a lot from Chanukah, because Chanukah is a garbage-tier holiday.

I mean this in a mostly-detached, mostly-analytic way. Like many people who were raised Jewish, I have some very fond and happy memories of Chanukah. Anything can accrue fond and happy memories, if you have a way of getting people to do it. But Chanukah is full of features that actively detract from its being resonant, impressive, memorable, or fun. It is an anti-advertisement for its community.

If you're a would-be designer-of-holidays, this is actually a really useful thing. Mimicking the good and successful holidays is quite hard; their quality tends to hinge on a lot of idiosyncratic hard-to-replicate factors, and "invent something as cool and punchy as the $WHATEVER" can be a tall order. But it's easy to look at a design failure and say, "I"m not going to do that."

With that, let's go into the details:

CHANUKAH: THE GOOD

Timing. It's a midwinter festival-of-lights. Solid start. Everyone loves those. Brightness and festival cheer, in the long cold winter nights, is practically a need for many. The holiday mostly skates by just on being the winter light festival for the Jews. A+. Or, really, we should knock that down to an A, because Chanukah usually comes too early to be ideal for this purpose, but -- still, quite good.

Traditional food (side dishes). Latkes are incredibly popular, and for excellent reason. If you're trying to settle on a food that everyone will love, "fried potatoes" is a damn good choice.

CHANUKAH: THE NEUTRAL

Symbols. There's really just one that matters: the chanukiyah (nine-branched menorah). Which is, on paper, a very cool and snappy symbol. Distinctive silhouette, ritual engagement, plus the allure of fire. But it loses a lot of points for the fact that you don't actually light the whole damn thing, and get the proper visual effect, until the very end of a long-ass holiday when everyone's enthusiasm and attention have ebbed. On the first night, in particular, you light just two candles in your chanukiyah, and it looks lopsided and sad.

Traditional food (sweets). Jelly donuts are fine, I guess, if uninspiring and uninspired. Chanukah gelt is pretty lame as candy goes...but from a holiday-design perspective, it's hard to go too far wrong with giving kids candy.

Music. "Maoz Tzur" is kinda pretty. "Oy Chanukah!" is kinda fun. That's pretty much it, barring some silly kids' music (and I guess that Adam Sandler thing). Nothing that will knock anyone's socks off. But, honestly, two decent songs is more than many good holidays have.

Gifts. Being the big annual gifting holiday is a double-edged sword. It's some super-powerful mojo, culturally speaking. People are obsessed with giving and receiving gifts, in a way that's very hard to excise or evade, no matter how often you trot out your utilitarian language about deadweight loss. Chanukah gets a lot of its traction out of the fact that it's the holiday where you get presents. But. (a) In the modern world, the gifting holiday is unavoidably a locus of stress and misery for many people, and Chanukah doesn't have nearly enough upside serving to support that burden. (b) Chanukah is bad at being a gifting holiday. The gifting is not well-integrated into the event, it's a tacked-on thing copied over from Christmas, and it shows. There's no real ritual surrounding it, no presents-under-the-Christmas-tree equivalent, certainly no Santa Claus. Worse yet, the eight-day-holiday thing means that either you need a set of gifts whose awesomeness is equally divisible by eight (mega-awkward), or else you have inconsistencies and disappointments.

CHANUKAH: THE BAD

Theme. What is the holiday about, when everything is said and done? What is our key takeaway message from all the shit we're doing. "God is great, God looks out for His people, God performs mighty miracles." Stop. Shut up. You fail. That's every holiday, if you're operating within a religious tradition. You need something more than that, something powerful and deep and important and special, to be even halfway-decent as a holiday. But for the vast majority of Jews (including Jews in the most orthodox and observant denominations), that's pretty much all you get. Because...

Mythology. The story of Chanukah, the holiday's narrative raison d'etre, is just unconscionably bad. In some extremely vague sense, it's a story about Jews overthrowing foreign oppressors and casting off foreign influences...which is already pretty bad from a modern liberal perspective, we don't like jingoistic ethnonationalism these days. But the actual events of the Chanukah story are less about Jews-against-foreigners than they are about Jews-against-other-Jews. It is a story about fanatics seizing power and murdering cosmopolitans. Virtually everyone hates that shit, up to and including the most tribal-minded Jews. The rabbis of the Talmud were pretty iffy about Chanukah for exactly this reason, and didn't talk about it much, with the result that the holiday doesn't have much in the way of supporting cultural infrastructure. And you really can't tell the Chanukah myth without that horrible stuff; it's so baked-in that it gets incorporated into even the most sanitized propagandistic Hebrew-school versions of the tale (with exactly the effects that you'd expect on Hebrew school students). The miracle of the oil feels like a tacked-on narrative coda, because it is, because without it the only possible moral of the story would be "kill your neighbor if he's not pious enough for you." But it's much too little, much too late. The miracle of the oil is super lame by miracle standards: no one is saved from danger, there are no memorable SFX, the whole thing is relevant only to the rituals of a long-vanished Temple.

[There are several lessons that can be learned from this particular problem, at multiple levels of abstraction.]

Structure. You can have a good eight-day holiday, but a festival of that length needs an arc. The days need to be distinct from each other. You need to be either building up to a climax, or -- more commonly, as with Passover and [the twelve days of] Christmas -- coming down from a main celebration at the beginning in a long pleasant haze of semi-special time. Chanukah is flat and internally undifferentiated, except for the addition of more candles to the chanukiyah. You can't sustain real holiday feeling that long, and there's no particular day on which you're supposed to do anything special, so it all just turns into a mush of "how much do we care right this moment?"

Activities. The traditional dreidel game is the worst, most boring, most unbalanced game in the history of games. Pushing it on children only makes those children hate Chanukah, and Judaism, and games, and you.

Traditional food (entrees). There's no classic Chanukah dish that can serve as a viable main course, unless you're one of those people who can happily eat fried potatoes as an entire meal. This is a glaring omission. It's particularly bad for Chanukah, because Chanukah has so little else going for it that it really needs to lean hard on the standard holiday "gather for a festive meal" thing.

Social role. As many people will eagerly tell you, Chanukah was a pretty minor holiday for most of Jewish history; it got big largely because of a marketing push in the 19th and 20th centuries, mostly because people got scared about the prospect of the younger generations assimilating, and wanted to give them a holiday to compete with Christmas. Which is maybe the worst idea that anyone has ever had. For more reasons that I can easily list here, modern Western Christmas is an absolute SSS-tier holiday, one of the very best of all time. Setting yourself up as a direct competitor to Christmas -- inviting your own people to make that comparison -- is tantamount to telling them that your traditions and your community are worthless and weak, and that they should join the ranks of the gentiles. And that would be true even if your own offering were something halfway decent. Trying to do it with Chanukah...it's like Estonia declaring war on the US. It's the ultimate "we have food at home." It is, if you'll pardon my saying so, Christian rock.

[vykker]

Infrastructure you don’t see in MO that probably exists in Vykkers Labs 13:

- Freight elevators and internal tram systems, I doubt they just have the one loading bay, and with the ships’ comparatively horizontal floor plan there’s probably need for a system to move cargo from one side to the other with ease. These systems are likely similar to the trains we see in ground level factories, albeit smaller. Still strong and fast enough that workers get smashed all the time.

- Maintenance tunnels for electronics, ventilation, and pipes, and probably a pneumatic tube system as well because it would fit the aesthetic. And yeah they definitely use these tubes to transport fuzzles at horrifying speeds. And the recycling blades would have to dump their meat chunks somewhere. There’s probably a big tube that squeezes the refuse from the blades to the poop chute.

- CARD READERS. I’ve thought about this way too much. Essentially it doesn’t make sense for the biggest pharmaceutical company in Mudos to not have badges or another system to protect their research. Certain badges are valuable due to the accesses they grant and collecting accesses are a point of pride for some workers. Each employee has a badge, scientist or worker. Your accesses are indicated by symbols engraved on your badge. The more symbols you have, the more accesses, the more places you can go and things you can take without being questioned. So having a badge covered in symbols is a bragging right and shows that you are considered important. Furthermore, Vykkers are a pack of self serving backstabbers who will eagerly steal each others research, so it’s important for labs to keep their areas separate.

- A dedicated garage for repairing the trains, lifts, snoozers, everything else, with employees who know how to fix such things. Not a large staff but incredibly important. Interns with an aptitude for engineering may get assigned specialized training and wind up there, but there’s also a number of Mudokon scrubs whose strength and dexterity make them great mechanics. Could be one of the few situations on the ship where the two species are forced to cooperate, and without Vykker oversight as well. Vykkers think they’re above such “menial” labor and generally don’t go there. Plus they’re too frail.

- Cafeterias; nice ones for Vykkers, crappier ones for Interns and Scrubs. The Vykker ones have chefs and waitstaff. The Intern and Scrub ones just have hamster tube type things where you pull a lever and slop falls out. Largely maintained by Mudokons in both cases, but considering how Vykkers Labs has a Fine Foods Division, there could be some proud Vykker chefs in the Vykker cafeteria.

- Recreational facilities. For Vykkers it’s again probably nice and connected to the cafeteria. They have a gym that sees only moderate use, and meditation rooms they pretend to meditate in. For everyone else it’s like a hodge podge of random shit that was going to be thrown away that the Interns were able to save. Dilapidated bar games and crusty couches.

- Emergency response systems. Aside from the button we see get pushed in the bad ending to MO, used as an intruder alert, there are probably other systems in place for fires, chemical spills etc, with dedicated teams to contain incidents. And with the badge thing I mentioned, they probably have special Emergency Badges that can get them nearly anywhere.

- A guest wing. This is an entire area of the ship that is hard to access and is reserved for guests. It contains the auction house, the dissection theatres, guest suites, and the external docking bay for visiting air ships. The floor plan is largely devoid of stairs because Glukkons suck at those. The Vykkers are extremely selective in who they allow to work in this section. Performing well for guests is a major priority. Workers assigned to the guest wing tend to be the best behaved and least beat up looking. You won’t see any emancipated scrubs or interns with scrungly stitches here. Everything is designed to give the best possible impression of the labs down to each employee. There could even be a small amount of well behaved sligs to keep their Glukkons at ease. The Vykkers of course will provide tours of the rest of the facility to high class guests, but these are always coordinated in advance to ensure there’s no blood on the floors & the employees working look less suicidal.

- a safety inspectors office… because hahahahahhahahahahahhaha

- A MASSIVE freezer; a place wall to wall on frozen specimens, ironically nicknamed “the zoo” for its diversity of preserved critters. Bodies of all species in all shapes and sizes can be requested and thawed for experimentation and study. Old experiments of interest wind up here in case they are useful later.

- certain labs have entrances and exits equipped with caustic chemical cannons to disinfect employees; peels your dermis off the first few times but after a while you adapt. Or not

[illogicalpunkwrites]

What Water Gave Me

Hello everyone! This one is...interesting. I dunno, have fun! Thank you for reading and please let me know if you would like to be tagged!

Pairings: Leonard McCoy x Kirk!Reader

Rating: M (18+)

Warning: Sex pollen, smut, ABO dynamics, cursing, angst

Words: 4.4K

Tags: @bloodangelballerina @theweepingvulcan91

None of you found out about it until it was too late. Visiting a new planet was always exciting, especially when it was far different from Earth. None of the biologists knew what would happen when the crew drank the water until the first person started showing symptoms. That first person was none other than

your brother and the captain, Jim Kirk. He started behaving erratically, nearly pushing over other people to make sure Carol wasn’t messed with. She started to sweat and you hurried over to pull them away from each other. While you and Jim used to rough house in your younger days, you weren’t used to him actually trying to fight you. He got a couple of hits in, some of them really hurting you before you were able to gather yourself.

“Jim!” You yelped as he swung at you again, ducking just in time. You swept your leg out from under him, sending him to the ground so some members of your security team could hurriedly incapacitate him.

“No! Let him go!” Carol sobbed.

“Get Jim to his quarters and lock him in using the override!” You barked. You made a hysterical Carol sit down in the Captain’s chair and wiped her forehead. She started squirming in the seat and you kept trying to ask her questions, but she only called for Jim. Calling him…alpha?

“Uhura, call Bones and tell him what’s going on. Tell the same thing to Science Division.” You didn’t hear a response and looked over the top of the chair. “Nyota?” She was fanning herself, looking at Spock whose knuckles were blanched white as he gripped the console. “Sulu, can you leave your station for a minute and get Spock to his quarters? He might try to fight you but he seems okay right now.” He was the right person to ask. With what information you gathered, anyone who had any sort of partner was susceptible to what was going on. Luckily, his was back on Earth.

“What do you think’s going on?”

“I’m not sure, I’ll get those two back to their quarters and call medbay-”

“Sciences to Bridge.” The console beeped in and you sighed.

“This is Commander Kirk, report.” You demanded, already overwhelmed with what little you had dealt with in such a short amount of time.

“We’ve tested some samples from the planet and found something interesting. The water contains some sort of hormone that-“

“Drives people insane?”

“It establishes A/B/O dynamics within the population.”

“What the hell does that mean?” You asked incredulously.

“Alpha, Beta, and Omega dynamics, Commander.” Spock explained, his voice strained as Sulu led him to the elevator.

“No don’t take him!” Nyota got up to head towards the elevator but you jumped over to grab the back of her dress. “No! Alpha!” The doors closed and you let her go to nearly paw at them. Her dress was soaked through with sweat and a puddle of…something was forming underneath her.

“Medbay to bridge!” Leonard’s voice came through, sounding frustrated and tired.

“Bones, it’s (Y/N)! What’s going on?”

“I’ve got people trying to kill me down here on one side of the room and people crying on the other.”

“Are they all couples?”

“Most of them, their partners came and found them. I don’t think they liked me being near ‘em”

“We need to get everyone affected in their quarters, apparently the water establishes A/B/O dynamics.”

“My god.” He groaned. Normally, you would’ve laughed but you were highly stressed.

“I’ll send a security team down there to help out. Kirk out.” You explained before switching over to the ship wide intercom. “This is Security Commander Kirk, I need all personnel that drank water from Ni-bu to go to their private quarters immediately. If you do not follow orders you will be forcibly moved by security. I repeat, leave your stations and return to your quarters immediately.” You ended the call and grabbed Nyota and Carol. You got into the elevator and pulled out your communicator. “Kirk to Sciences division, please tell me there’s a cure for this thing.”

“We’ll have to go to K-7 for that, good thing is we’re not the only ones that have dealt with this. There was another planet like the one we were at that The Pegasus had to deal with.”

“Alright, I’ll tell Chek-“ You stopped and shook your head, knowing how flirtatious the Russian was. “I’ll get back up there and set the coordinates.” Pulling your friends along was like pulling two feisty Chihuahuas: they kept pulling away from you, kept yelping for their alphas, and at one point Carol actually bit you. Once that chore was done, you sprinted back up to the bridge to put in the coordinates and called for Sulu.

“Hikaru, you alright?”

“A little scraped up but I’m fine. Security’s doing a good job down here, some of your workers are affected by it though.”

“You think you can stay down there and help them out? I’m working on getting Bridge settled down.”

“You got it, but you owe me big time.”

“Next round’s on me when we get to K-7.” You chuckled before calling out. “Alright Chekov, let’s-“

“ENGINEERING TO BRIGE!” Jaylah screeched and your blood left your body. You had nearly forgotten about engineering. A large section of them went to Ni-bu to help fix some of the infrastructure and technology.

“Jaylah, are you alright?”

“Everyone down here is going crazy! Security is here but there is not nearly enough of them! I need help!”

“Where’s Scotty?”

“He went to go find Lieutenant Mira!” You groaned and grabbed Chekov by the back of his shirt while some other people from security grabbed most of the bridge.

“I’ll be down there as soon as I can, keep doing what you’re doing!”

XXXXXX

Hours later, the whole situation was defused with everyone who was affected locked in their rooms. Those who didn’t seem affected, the Betas, roamed around the halls like dead men walking. Sanitation swept and mopped the halls where puddles of “slick” had been left. You dragged your feet and nearly your entire body ached by the amount of times you had either been rammed into, hit, or bit by your crew mates. You saw Sulu and you gave each other a congratulatory hug.

“You owe me so much more than a round of drinks. This is not in my job description.” He mumbled, making you laugh.

“Thank you so much.” While most of your team had been okay, it had dwindled down severely by the time engineering was wrangled off. Scotty surprised you with how wily he was, giving you a run for your money. Thankfully, Jaylah helped you out and you threw him into his office.

Sulu pulled away and looked up and down at you, you had some cuts here and there and were bruised up. While it wasn’t the worst your body had faced, you’d still seen better days.

“Go to Medbay, Kirk. Your job is done for now and I’m sure McCoy could see a friendly face.” You smiled weakly and made your way down. When you came to the door it didn’t slide open so you knocked instead.

“Who is it?”

“It’s me! Lemme in!” After a few beeps on the PADD, the door slid open and you hurried in before it locked back behind you. You saw Leonard at his desk with a bottle of whiskey. His shirt was torn in some places and you could see the beginnings of a black eye. “Well, Doc, you look like you had an eventful day.” He snorted in response and poured you a glass.

“Please tell me we’ll get to K-7 soon.”

“We should be there by tomorrow morning. Sulu’s gonna get some rest before so he can get us in. I think the plan is for medbay to come to us to give us the hypospray.” You explained and took a large gulp, feeling the burn go down your throat. Leonard looked at the bruise on your jaw and you shrugged.

“It was Jim, nothing I can’t handle.”

“And the bites?”

“Carol, Scotty, and some others I can’t even remember.”

“Scotty bit you?”

“I had him in a choke hold.” You couldn’t help but laugh. “The female Alphas gave me a run for my money.”

“I think I can add this to the list of reasons why I hate space.” He finished up his drink and went to go grab a med kit to sterilize the wounds. You’d have to wait a couple of days to get the scars removed.

“Because it makes people unbelievably horny?” He laughed at that one, making you smile. “I’m glad that it wasn’t a free for all though, people were focused on either their partners or the people they’ve had a crush on.”

“My god I don’t even want to imagine what it would’ve been like if it’d been a free for all.”

“But I’m surprised, Len. You struck me as an Alpha.” You joked.

“I thought you’d be an Alpha.” He retorted. “You’re the one the one that fights everything.”

“I do not! I only fight when it’s needed!”

“Which is why you’re in here so often.” You finished off the whiskey and held out your left arm where one of the bites was. “You need to be more careful.”

“Hey, I didn’t know Carol would bite me!” You replied with a smile.

“I wonder why though? No one tried to bite me.”

“I’m the hotter one of the Kirk siblings?”

“Okay, I’m with you there.”

“I have to say, I like you a little roughed up. You look like an action hero.” He chuckled and knelt on the ground in front of you, antiseptic in hand.

You felt something when he touched you, something stirring within you. You tried to shake it off but you couldn’t as it grew. As he cleaned your wounds you could feel your body temperature rising and you became incredibly uncomfortable. As you looked at him you could see him tense up with his brows furrowing even more than they usually did and his grip on you tightening. You started squirming in your seat, your inner thighs becoming coated with something as you looked at Leonard. Oh god, was that slick? Once he was done with all of the open wounds he put his kit to the side shakily. You realized, even in your foggy state, he was trying to maintain composure. Your slick dripped down to the floor, making it hard for both of you to ignore. Now you realized what you both were and why neither of you had experienced symptoms all day. He was an Alpha, and you were his Omega.

“Leonard.” You whispered, nearly whined. He looked back at you and then to the bruise on your jaw. He brought his fingers to it and pressed on it gently, making you wince.

“You’re burning up.” He stated softly, his breathing picking up and voice gravelly. “You need to leave.”

When he said that, everything in your system freaked out. You leapt on him from the chair, wrapping your arms around his neck and straddling him. He caught you with his fingers against your ribs.

“Leonard, please.” You started kissing his neck, making his fingertips dig into you. He smelled so good, like something homey and warm with a splash of whiskey,  and you couldn’t help but grind yourself against his hard cock. He let out a stuttered moan, his composure melting away as he felt your unbelievably wet pussy against him. “Alpha!” You cried softly.

That’s when it snapped away, Leonard picked you up and you wrapped your legs around him. He hurried over to his private office and you two fell onto his little cot, his lips smashing into yours. You moaned and arched your body into his, wanting as much contact as possible. His tongue slid into your mouth as you kicked your boots off and worked on his shirt.

“Off.” You whimpered. He sat back away from you and pulled down the zipper on your dress before sliding it off of you. You pulled his shirt off and pulled him back to you as he worked on the clasp of your bra.

“Such a pretty little ‘mega.” He slurred before laving his tongue down your bruised jaw, pain not even resonating with you at this point. He dropped your bra to the side, kissing and nipping down your neck and collarbone. His tongue circled around your nipple before sucking it into his mouth, kneading the other one with his hand. He was rougher than you thought he would be, teething at your pebbled nipple. You wondered if he was like this all the time. You rocked your hips up against him, wanting more than just that.

“Alpha, please!” You whined, making him chuckle. His hands drifted down the sides of your body to grip the elastic of your panties and pull them down your legs. He started pressing wet kisses down your stomach as his hands spread your legs to slot himself between them. You felt his breath against your pussy and you squirmed towards him, thighs enclosing around his head.

“God, you look-“ He didn’t even finish his sentence before burying his head in between your legs, his tongue circling your clit and tasting your slick. You arched your back and wove your fingers into his hair as an unruly moan escaped you. You felt your pussy growing even wetter and he groaned against you, the vibrations sending ripples through you. He sucked your clit into his mouth, flicking his tongue against it.

“Fuck! Alpha!” He looked up at you as you pulled his hair. “Please, need your cock, need your cock!”

You’d never begged like this before and you were sure you wouldn’t have if you weren’t in this state. He crawled back up your body and you pulled his head down to yours to kiss him, tasting yourself. Your hands shot down to his work pants and you palmed his straining cock, making him gasp into your mouth. You shakily undid the button and zipper before pulling them down and seeing his erection bob against his stomach. Your breathing got even heavier as he helped pull his pants off the rest of the way, his shoes thudding as they hit the ground. You leaned up to kiss and nip at his neck as you stroked his cock, trying to lead him to your pussy.

“Shit darlin’, Omega-“ He cut himself off with a grown and pulled your hand away, taking his cock in his hand and rubbing it against your pussy to coat it in slick. You needed more. You locked your legs around his waist and pulled him as close to you as you possibly could. “You ready, my Omega?”

“Please, Alpha.” You whispered as he kissed your forehead. Then you felt his cock enter you slowly, stretching you perfectly and making you keen against him. He breathed out loudly and slowly as he seated himself fully inside of you, your fingernails digging into his back. The both of you stayed just like that for a moment or two, foreheads against each other and breathing heavily. He leaned down to kiss you and you swore you had never felt so loved and protected. You started rocking your hips against his and he took the hint, rolling his hips back so that he was almost completely out of you before rutting back in. “Yes!”

“Feel so good, ‘mega” He slurred against you, starting a slow rhythm. But still you needed more. Your head lolled to the side, exposing your neck to him and he leaned down to suck your pulse point into his mouth. He started thrusting faster into you, hitting that spot inside of you that made you let out high pitched noises into his ear. His pubic bone rubbed against your clit deliciously and you knew you wouldn’t last much longer. You felt like you couldn’t even speak anymore as your pussy started tightening even more around him, making him quiver a little. He looked down at you and you brought your hands to his face and neck to caress him more as your body bounced with his thrusts.

“Close, Alpha.” You warned and he leaned down to kiss you. The coil in your lower belly tightened even more and one more perfectly angled thrust did you in, a puddle of slick soaking into the sheets as you felt tingling flood your body. You cried out into Leonard’s mouth as your entire body stiffened with the intensity of your orgasm. Leonard’s thrusts started becoming sloppy and his grip on your body tightened. As you rode your high, something in the back of your mind still wanted more.

“Cum inside me” His eyes widened before gripping your thighs to put your legs over his shoulder, leaning towards you so you were folded. You shrieked out and threw your head back at him suddenly being so unbelievably deep. His arms wrapped around you as you bit his tanned shoulder, making him gasp into your ear and his hips stuttered against yours. With one final deep thrust, you felt his hot cum coat your walls. You whimpered at your oversensitivity but finally felt satiated, almost complete in a way. His body went limp against yours but you didn’t loosen your grip, neither did he. Your fever went away and the slick seemed to have stopped, but you wanting him didn’t.

“Stay.”

XXXXXX

You knew it was early when you woke up, but you weren’t sure how much longer you had before you docked at K-7. You felt sore all over, sticky, and still beyond tired. However, your head was fairly clear and you weren’t feeling feverish. You looked behind you and saw Leonard still asleep with his arm around you. You felt your heart drop as you realized that the night before really did happen, it wasn’t some hormone ridden dream.

You’d always been attracted to Leonard, even if he was a bit neurotic (something you still adored about him). However, you wanted to respect Leonard as a friend, coworker, and best friend of Jim’s. You couldn’t imagine how Jim would feel if you and Leonard started dating. There was also always the dreaded what ifs. What if you two broke up? How would your friends and Jim deal with that? You were also in a high stakes job. What if you seriously got injured, or worse? What if he never even felt the same way?

Also, being completely overrun by foreign hormones was not how you want you two to get together anyway.

So, as you Kirks do, you decided to get out before more awkwardness could come or having to face the difficult consequences of your actions. Luckily, Leonard seemed to be a heavy sleeper but you could feel a fever beginning to creep on you again as his arm tried to tighten on you. You felt your heart ache as even the non-Omega part of you wanted to stay. But if you did, what happened wouldn’t be just between the two of you. Someone would walk in and know what had happened. You didn’t even bother putting on your underwear or shoes, just your red dress before unlocking the doors with his PADD and sneaking back to your quarters to lock yourself in. You were breathing harshly, the fever hitting you pretty hard, and you slid down your door to the ground.

“Computer, air conditioning at full capacity.” The fans whirred around you as you tried not to think of Leonard.

XXXXXX

Leonard woke up with a groan and stretched against his cot. He felt around his bed for you, but shot up when he didn’t find you. He looked around the room and saw that your underwear and boots were still in his room. He kind of wanted to laugh, thinking about how you probably bolted out of there. He thought you were probably embarrassed about the whole thing. A nagging part of his brain said it was probably because you regretted it entirely. He had always liked you, but for the sake of Jim he kept it more friendly and professional. Perhaps it was best to just forget about it. Better that than a repeat of another failed relationship.

“Dr. McCoy? This is Nurse Chapel from the K-7 research lab. We’re here to give you the hypospray.” He hurriedly put on his clothes and kicked your things under the cot before letting the nurse in.

XXXXXX

A couple of days later, you hurried to the bridge to return some reports of the events to Jim. You had avoided medbay like the plague and unbeknownst to you, a couple of friends took notice. As you handed the PADD to Jim, he looked at your healing jaw and cringed once again.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know, asshole, you say it every time you see me.” You chided playfully. He looked at the rest of the scars left on your body from the others and raised an eyebrow at you.

“You can probably get those taken care of, y’know?”

“I know, I just haven’t found the time with writing this shit up.” You replied and he chuckled, waving you away. You smoothed out your skirt and went to the elevator, but Sulu slid in before the doors closed.

“Oh hey! What’s up?”

“What’s up with you? You always get your scars fixed up and Uhura knows for a fact that you’ve had enough time.”

“Are you two gossiping behind my back?” You replied and he crossed his arms at his chest. “Maybe I want to keep the scars.”

“You want to keep scars in the shape of bite marks?” He replied flatly and you shrugged. The doors opened again and He grabbed your arm. “That’s it, I’m taking you to medbay.”

“No!” You panicked and pulled away from him.

“What in the world’s going on?” He asked incredulously, and you looked around. “Did something happen the day we went to Ni-bu?” You opened your mouth but quickly shut it.

“I’ll tell you what happened, just not here.”

“C’mon!” He pulled you into a nearby closet and locked the door behind him. You paced what little you could in the space and he sighed. “Would you just tell me?”

“I thought I was okay. I didn’t have any of the symptoms so I thought I was a Beta. After everything settled down I went to medbay like you told me to get my cuts cleaned up.” Sulu quickly put two and two together, especially after days of suspicion.

“You weren’t a Beta and neither was he.” You shook your head. “And, lemme guess, you left in the morning?”

“I didn’t know what else to do.” You nearly whispered. “I fucked up.”

“Yeah, you did. Kirk, you gotta fix this. You have to talk to him. You can’t avoid medbay forever.”

“I can try.”

“Kirk.”

“I know you’re right! I just don’t know what to do.” He wrapped an arm around you and you leaned into him.

“Just go in there.”

XXXXXX

Leonard was reading from his PADD in his quarters when he heard a knock on the door. He put it down on his bedside table before letting it open and saw you. His black eye was healing nicely, but he winced when he widened them in surprise.

“Uh, hey.” You started, already wanting to punch yourself.

“Hey.”

Fuck, this was awkward.

“Can I come in?” He stood to the side and you stepped in, the door closing behind you.

“If you’re here for your clothes and boots there under my cot in my office.”

Ouch.

“Thanks but that’s not why I’m here.” You stood there, trying to keep from fidgeting. “I wanted to talk about what happened, and before you say anything I know I shoulda stayed. I wanted to stay but-“ You broke off and sat down in his arm chair. You felt like if you kept standing then you’d pass out.

“But what? I’ve been wonderin’ why you didn’t stay, myself.” He said and you nodded.

“And I shouldn’t have done that to you.” You looked down at your clasped hands and tried to swallow the nervousness radiating in your body. “Leonard, I’ve always liked you. I’ve always been attracted to you.” You didn’t see the surprised look that crossed his face. “But I was always afraid of what would happen. I mean, you know me and Jim: we’re both terrified of relationships and I know that you’re wary of them after how things went in your marriage. I’ve always wanted to respect that.” You didn’t realize you had started to ramble. “And Jim is another thing! That ass is always so protective over me and you’re his best friend! That’s a conundrum just for him! Does he kick your ass or lock me in my cabin or both?! Not to mention we’re in space and it’s probably one of the most dangerous places ever!” You finally looked at him and saw him chuckling, hiding his face behind his hand. “Why the hell are you laughing? I’m pouring my heart out here!”

“Because you sound like me, dammit!” He smiled and you stared at him incredulously. “Go on, finish up. I gotta talk some time.” You shook your head at him and stood up.

“Fine, you want me to finish? I didn’t want to wake up and hear you talk about how it was a mistake because just thinking about that fucking kills me. I wanted it to happen, maybe not like that but I wanted…something like that to happen. There, I’m done.” You stood there and waited for him to say something, but he didn’t. “Well you said you had to talk.” You looked back up at him expectantly and his eyes had softened, he wasn’t smiling anymore.

“I didn’t know you felt that way and...as much as I didn’t think that this is the way things would happen, I don’t regret that it did. I’ve wanted to be with you for so long but everything’s complicated. But I wanna give it a shot because I can’t imagine not being with you.” Tears welled in your eyes at his confession and you threw yourself at him, taking in his warmth.

“I want to be with you, Len.” 

“As long as you promise you won’t run away again, darlin’.” You smiled up at him and kissed him softly.

“I promise…Alpha.” He stiffened against you and you laughed. He smiled and captured your lips in his, holding you tightly against him. “You think you could get rid of my scars first?” You squealed as he picked you up and you wrapped your legs around him.

You two would just have to deal with everything else later.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Facebook vs Robert Bork

Unless you're a certain kind of conservative, you probably haven't heard of Robert Bork, but he's one of the most important people you've never heard of. The best way to understand Bork is that he was Ronald Reagan's court sorcerer.

Reagan was an empty vessel with the hands of ruthless plutocrats shoved up his asshole*, operating him like a hand puppet for their collective will to power.

He served as a kind of dowsing rod for policies that would transfer wealth from the 99% to the 1%.

*Hence the polyps

That dowsing rod pointed straight at Bork. Bork was an alternate history writer, a fabulist with a unique and wildly improbable theory of antitrust statutes: that if you studied the Sherman Act and the Clayton Act with Qanon-style fervor, you'd find hidden messages in them.

Specifically, you would discover that the lawmakers who drafted, debated, amended and passed these laws thought monopolies were good, actually. They were only concerned with a small and possibly mythical minority of monopolies that were "harmful."

Not just any harms: Bork said that these ancient sages were worried about *consumer* harms, which, practically speaking, means monopolies that use their power to raise prices. This, he said, was the only thing that the government should step in to prevent.

Since it is nearly impossible to prove that a given merger or tactic would result in higher prices before the fact, and *also* it's nearly impossible to prove that a price rise after the fact was attributable to monopolism we should probably just forget about antitrust.

Reagan loved this. By shifting antitrust's focus from *democratic* harms (like reducing choice, distorting regulation, hurting workers, etc) to *consumer* harms, he could demote "citizens" (who have a role in shaping policies) to "consumers" - mere ambulatory wallets.

Reagan tried to get Bork a seat on the Supreme Court, but there was a little problem. Bork had committed a string of disgusting crimes while serving as Nixon's Solicitor General, and the Senate refused to confirm him for a seat.

(Conservatives were outraged that committing crimes at the highest level of government disqualified you from the Supreme Court and coined the term "Borked" to describe rich, powerful people who had to face the unfair prospect of being held accountable for their actions)

But Bork - along with the Chicago School economists - went on to completely revolutionize the world's conception of anti-monopoly enforcement, as neoliberal leaders all over the world (Thatcher, Mulroney, Pinochet, Kohl, etc) took up his theories and tuned them into policy.

Bork was a fringe figure, but he was preaching a gospel that stood to make the richest people on Earth *so much richer*, and they bankrolled the hell out of his theories.

For example, 40% of US federal judges have attended "continuing education" seminars at an annual lush Florida junket where they are initiated into the bizarre world of "consumer harm" theory.

https://crookedtimber.org/2018/10/18/law-and-economics/

40 years later, monopolism has surged in every industry, from bottlecaps to pharma, from poultry to pro wrestling, from eyeglasses to emergency rooms, from oil to car parts, from music to publishing to movies to online services to telecoms.

All driven by mergers, all resulting in higher prices (so much for "consumer harm") all wildly distorting of public policy (the decision to let Boeing self-certify the 737 Max is repeated in thousands of ways across hundreds of industries), all brutal news for workers.

It's a disaster, but it's one that we have been powerless to avert or address for so long as "consumer harm" ruled antitrust enforcement.

Finally, that's changing.

In 2019, Dina Srinivasan published a landmark paper: "The Antitrust Case Against Facebook," which made *incredibly* clever arguments showing that FB's democratic harms were also consumer harms, meaning FB could be sued without first undoing Borkism.

https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=3247362

But the magic of this work was in revealing the poverty of the consumer harm standard: she laid out the innumerable ways in which FB is bad for society and showed how a sliver of these harms were technically illegal, raising the question: why isn't *all* this stuff illegal?

Today, Facebook was hit with *two* antitrust suits, one from the FTC and the other from almost every US state (including California!).

The complaints say that FB's acquisitions of Instagram and Whatsapp were anticompetitive.

https://www.theverge.com/2020/12/9/22158483/facebook-antitrust-lawsuit-anti-competition-behavior-attorneys-general

Of course, they *were* anticompetitive. We know, because Zuck - who specializes in tripping over his own dick - sent out memos extolling the acquisitions' anticompetitive advantages, proving he hasn't learned a thing since he traded incriminating IMs about founding FB.

https://www.esquire.com/uk/latest-news/a19490586/mark-zuckerberg-called-people-who-handed-over-their-data-dumb-f/

The complaints build on Srinivasan's work and they carry the same flavor: claiming "consumer harms" in the acquisitions, but winking and nodding toward a broader, more democracy-focused (and less consumer-focused) critique of monopoly.

It's a weird tightrope act: they want to win, so their argument is designed to balance on the single, fragile hair that borkism stretches across the chasm of monopoly enforcement, but they wanna make sure we see that big sturdy bridge of nonbork antitrust right there.

If there was any doubt, it was erased by the remedies demanded in the complaints. The prosecutors aren't asking for money damages - a fine is a price, after all - instead, they want FB to sell off the companies it bought for illegal purposes.

And they want FB to get regulatory approval for future acquisitions (though the states will let it buy companies for less than $10m without approval). These are not "consumer harm" remedies - they're "democracy" remedies, aimed at removing the company's source of power.

Facebook has stood up a website explaining why it's a cuddly mom-and-pop business that's being bullied by mean government meanies:

https://about.fb.com/building-to-compete/

The argument's pretty similar to the one laid out in a leaked memo in October:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/10/05/florida-man/#dnr

Basically: it would be really hard for us to unwind these illegal, anticompetitive mergers. Seriously, it would cost a bundle and take so much work!

This is an unserious argument, and it shows how badly FB has misgauged the mood.

All of FB's arguments are garbage, really. Take the line that ex-British-Deputy-PM-turned-FB-salesdroid Nick Clegg has been peddling: "STOP TRYING TO BREAK UP FACEBOOK OR THE CHINESE WILL WIN!"

https://www.cnet.com/news/facebooks-nick-clegiden-must-unite-global-powers-to-shape-internet-amid-china-threat

The company's best arguments are about "market definition" - to claim that they don't have a monopoly because of all the competitors they face, provided you define FB's market broadly enough.

Like, "Here at Facebook, we are in the 'using computers' business. Now, just think of how much time you spend using a computer without interacting with FB! Your car has a computer and it's not on FB! How can you say we have a monopoly?!"

If you want to see someone making this argument as well as it can possibly be made and literally getting laughed at by a University of Chicago (!) audience, check out this debate from 2019:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_Jp-GJ9LM0

Forcing FB to divest itself of Whatsapp and Instagram is a no-brainer. The company lied to secure those mergers, broke the promises it made to get permission to make them, and the penalty for that should be unwinding those mergers.

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/07/dont-believe-proven-liars-absolute-minimum-standard-prudence-merger-scrutiny

And if FB fights this for a decade the way IBM fought its antitrust action, fine - IBM outspent the entire DoJ antitrust division every year for 12 years (Bork called it "antitrust's Vietnam"), but even though Big Blue wasn't broken up, they had their spirit broken.

It was fear of another tangle with antitrust regulators that caused IBM to sit idly by while Phoenix cloned the PC ROMs and created the PC clone industry, which became the US computing industry.

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/08/ibm-pc-compatible-how-adversarial-interoperability-saved-pcs-monopolization

And it was the same fear that caused IBM to hire an outside company to make the OS for its PCs, getting a couple of nerds named Paul Allen and Bill Gates to supply one for them.

IBM's 12 years of antitrust hell focused the attention of every tech giant of the age, letting them know what was on their horizon if they acted like IBM had. It created the US tech industry.

Today, VCs call the businesses that Big Tech dominates "the kill zones" because they know that monopolists have the market power to destroy any startup that tries to compete with them.

There is an entire - better, more pluralistic - tech industry that's been suppressed by Big Tech. If FB and Goog and Apple and the other tech giants spend the next decades throwing billions at the FTC and the states attorneys general, it will be money well-spent.

Because it will be money that these companies don't get to spend destroying the next wave of tech companies, co-ops, and platforms.

[grigori77]

2021 in Music - My Top 5 Favourite Albums

5. BLACK VEIL BRIDES – THE PHANTOM TOMORROW

One of America’s most masterful heavy metal bands return with a full-blooded blinder of a concept album which sees them deliver their finest work since their masterpiece, Wretched & Divine. Charismatic frontman Andy Biersak brings the fire in fine form while his band bring plenty of thunder, and the result is one of the finest classic metal records I’ve heard in a while.

Standout tracks: Scarlet Cross, Born Again, Blackbird, Torch, Shadows Rise, Fields of Bone, Crimson Skies, Fall Eternal

4. ARCHITECTS – FOR THOSE WHO WISH TO EXIST

The Brighton metalcore masters continue to evolve their sound with another potentially divisive album that’s likely to alienate their old-school fans, but I’m loving their new stuff, and to me this is their best offering yet. Equal parts harsh and melodic, it’s a magnificent blend of the sub-genre’s characteristic feral savagery and the boys’ more contemplative, adventurous new sound, and I can’t get enough of it.

Standout tracks: Black Lungs, Giving Blood, Dead Butterflies, An Ordinary Extinction, Impermanence, Flight Without Feathers, Little Wonder, Animals, Libertine, Goliath (featuring Simon Neil), Demi God, Meteor, Dying Is Absolutely Safe

3. HOLDING ABSENCE – THE GREATEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE

Their eponymous 2019 debut was a masterful debut that very nearly made my top five that year, but their heavily anticipated follow-up leaves it dead in the water. Raw, intense and deeply personal, this is alternative rock that wears its heart on its sleeve, vocalist Lucas Woodland investing every track with incendiary power and pure, naked emotion. Trust me, listening to this won’t be a mistake at all.

Standout tracks: Celebration Song, Curse Me With Your Kiss, Afterlife, In Circles, Nomoreroses, Beyond Belief, Die Alone (In Your Lover’s Arms), Mourning Song, An Apology Note

2. SAM FENDER – SEVENTEEN GOING UNDER

I was late to the party with youthful Geordie singer-songwriter Sam Fender, only discovering his incredible debut album, Hypersonic Missiles, in this past year, but I fell in love the moment I heard his music. This follow-up may not have the sheer star power anthemic brilliance of that record, but it’s no less worthy of consideration, Fender’s choice to somewhat shed his previous BIG SOUND for a more personal musical journey producing one of the year’s most beautiful albums. This kid’s got a bright future ahead of him.

Standout tracks: Seventeen Going Under, Getting Started, Aye, Get You Down, Long Way Off, Spit of You, Last To Make It Home, Mantra, The Dying Light, Angel In Lothian, Good Company, Poltergeists

1. SPIRITBOX – ETERNAL BLUE

After sneaking in under the radar over the last few years, this Canadian metalcore three-piece have exploded on the scene in a MAJOR WAY and deserve every bit of praise they’ve received. This is the very definition of a powerhouse debut album, a rock-solid epic of consistently ear-wormy corkers and sonic eardrum-bursters, magnificently bolstered by singular frontwoman Courtney LaPlante’s astonishingly rich, complex and flexible voice. I look forward to hearing what they do next.

Standout tracks: Sun Killer, The Summit, Secret Garden, Eternal Blue, We Live In a Strange World, Halcyon, Circle With Me, Constance

The ones that didn’t quite make the cut:

Biffy Clyro – The Myth of Happily Ever After (another cracker from the Scottish alt rockers and a perfect companion piece to A Celebration of Endings); Evanescence – The Bitter Truth (the gothic-tinged emo rockers return after their long hiatus with another killer record); Don Broco – Amazing Things (one of my fave British alt-rock bands deliver another mischievous and gleefully anarchic serving of musical irreverence); Halsey – If I Can’t Have Love, I Want Power (the electropop singer-songwriter unleashes a powerfully original concept album with a little help from Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, aka Nine Inch Nails); Lonely the Brave – The Hope List (the Cambridge alt-rockers may have a new singer-songwriter but they’re just as robust and epic-sounding as ever)

Honourable mention:

STONESIDE – THE WATER

Why isn’t this at the top of my list? Because it’s an EP, but I had to shout about it because this is, bar none, THE BEST THING I HEARD ALL YEAR. There’s still not much known about this Texan “alt-metal” band, and they still don’t have a particularly big following, but I can’t stop raving about them, and I know I’m not alone. This is a stone-cold masterpiece, seven slices of killer with no filler in sight, beautifully experimental and magnificently subversive in sound, and I just haven’t been able to stop listening to it all year. I cannot wait for these guys to make a full album …

Standout tracks: A History of Violence, God Save the King, Integrity vs. Despair, One Day As a Wolf, No Shelter, When They Took You, Terlingua

[prompt-master]

Bear Trap (Part 1/3)

Request fill for @hibiscuswolverine and art done by @doodles-by-noodles

The world was starting to heal.

Little by little, everyone who survived Hope's Peak Academy's killing game was bringing about change to the world. It had only just started, and they likely wouldn't live to see their vision fully realized, but there was hope. Hope the world hadn't seen since the tragedy broke out in the first place.

Yep, Naegi Makoto had a lot of work to do, but he also already had so much to be proud of. He and the survivors had already proven themselves to adapt to a world that was nothing like the one they left behind. They had been given a warning from Enoshima Junko herself, but even with the knowledge of killer robots and rampaging despair-induced rioters nothing could really prepare them for life on the outside.

Honestly, they had never expected to make it to where they were right now. Proud members of the Future Foundation, able to work together with the higher ups to take down the biggest threats against the world's progression. It felt like just yesterday they were sleeping in the rubble of what once were apartments, tightly packed together in case anything were to break in. And now Makoto stood proud and tall, going over his next mission on video call with a member of one of the higher divisions.

"I suppose I shouldn't be terribly surprised that the Ultimate Hope would be so adamant on these matters."

Makoto smiled, still as strong and inspiring as it had been back in the killing game, "Really, you don't have to call me that. I'm nothing special, just Naegi is fine."

She completely ignored him, looking over the notes he'd sent to her one last time. He and Aoi had accidentally discovered a distress call from a group of survivors in an unsafe area. There was no way he could ignore something like that, he wouldn't ignore any possibility that someone was suffering like his class did. Even if there was an equal possibility that it was a trap.

"Well, your plan asks for Ultimate Detective Kirigiri Kyoko and Ultimate Affluent Progeny Togami Byakuya to go with you. With those two, plus the Ultimate Hope, equipped with hacking guns then I see no reason to be concerned for any mishaps. Your mission is approved."

Makoto's smile widened at that, feeling a rush of pride and hope at her words, "We won't let you down! Promise!"

She didn't even look up at him, simply humming to let him know she heard. But he could tell, there was a slight smile on her face. Makoto managed to melt his fair share of hearts even if he couldn't explain how. The call blinked off, and Makoto shut his laptop gently, but with no regard to what it was running.

He let out a loud sigh, slouching back into his chair. Any and all office calls felt so nerve wracking. Each one held its own weight in importance. Every exchange oversaw the future. He pulled his arms over his head, stretching them as far as they could go.

He could already feel himself getting pumped up. A small, prideful smirk snuck it's way onto his face. The plan wasn't anything extreme, but he knew with his friends by his side it would all be ok. They were meant to go together in a group so that they could protect themselves in the event of a trap or other unforeseen circumstances. The distress call came from a fallen city mostly blocked off by a collapsed building. They would drop off inside the city's bounds, and continue on foot to find any survivors they could. They knew there would be some despaired within, but that was a given anywhere they went now.

It would all be worth it to save them.

Now he just had to tell Byakuya and Kyoko the good news

It was clear to anyone near the survivors that Byakuya, Kyoko, and Makoto were a force to be reckoned with. While the general public has no qualms with calling Makoto the leader of the group, it was more so all three of them were coleading. Each taking charge in their own way, from the start of their new lives to now. The three of them were all incredibly smart in their own ways and their combined skills lead to a team that could likely conquer any despair they faced. But it took an even closer eye to see the emotional connection the three shared with each other. 

Makoto walked in front, leading since he had heard the distress call in the first place. It was certainly an interesting relationship that the three had. Although Makoto certainly didn't see himself as the leading type it seemed that Byakuya and Kyoko both trusted his guidance entirely. And he did the same for them. There was no way to describe the significance that lay underneath the floorboards of their bond. For the two most emotionally shut off of the survivors to so openly trust him? To Makoto that was enough to lay their hearts out in the open for him to see. And not to mention…

Makoto glanced back at the two. Byakuya was messing around with his hacking gun, glasses slipping down his nose, and hair nearly hiding his eyes from Makoto's view. Kyoko was taking in her surroundings, trying to figure out sooner rather than later if this whole thing was just a trap as suspected. Her eyes may be void of emotion but the color and warmth was vast. Makoto faced forward again, his face feeling just a bit hot. 

They were both really pretty. 

No, no he can't focus on his silly crushes. Yes, crushes plural. Because Makoto's sensitive heart was so big he managed to give it away to two different people. That didn't matter right now though, because the focus was on the mission. 

The town was about as decimated as it looked from the outside. It reminded him of his first experiences out in the new world, making him wonder how many survivors might be hiding under rubble, scared to come out. So far they hadn't run into any sort of trouble. No robots, no despaired, no survivors. There was really...nothing here. It was starting to look more and more like a trap. 

Makoto stopped walking at a split path, "The call said to find the convenience store but...I can't tell where to go since everything's been destroyed." 

Byakuya came to stand by his side, "Not that it should matter much all things considered. Let's just get this over with so we can clear out those insane idiots and rebuild this place already." 

"Togami-kun!" Makoto pouted, Byakuya may have softened up but he still had a habit of harsh thinking first, "don't say that. I'm sure there has to be someone here who needs saving. There's people who need to be rescued everywhere we go!" 

"Indeed" Kyoko chimed in, "but it's not a bad line of thought. If we stage a rebuilding operation here then that increases our chances of finding survivors then if only a search team walked around." 

Byakuya smirked, pushing up his glasses in that annoyingly arrogant way of his, "And to do that, we need to weed out the problems first no?" 

"Yes...yes we do." 

"Besides what would you rather do? Try to talk to the despaired? And get clubbed again?" 

"It was one time, Togami-kun!" 

Byakuya laughed, placing his hands on his hips as he looked around, "Come now, this way. All these buildings are too destroyed to make any sort of distinctions regardless. And by your sentimental logic we should be checking more than just the given location, wouldn't you agree." 

Byakuya didn't wait for an answer, he walked ahead to begin searching the first building to their left. Makoto had to break into a light jog to catch up to him; damn your long legs Togami! 

That marked the start of their exploration, building after building. They found nothing. Not to mention everywhere seemed like it has been residential, no sign of the store they were told the survivors were. Even Makoto felt like something was a little bit off but he couldn't quite place his finger on it. Regardless he kept up hope, he had heard those survivors speak with complete clarity in their voice. They had to be here. He wouldn't give up over a simple bad feeling. 

Byakuya stepped over broken glass, moving further into the crumpled home he was currently inspecting. A surprisingly intact kitchenette caught his eye, and decided a thorough search was necessary without telling his company. Although they didn't need much prompting to understand when he went off trail again. Kyoko thought if he was going to focus on possible material goods stored away in this forgotten piece of life, then she could at least see if there was any current piece of life hiding away as well. Makoto stood at the door of the house. He'd given nothing more than a glance to Byakuya before turning toward the outdoors again. Looking for anything. Any sign of life lurking under the foreboding red sky. 

Nothing. 

He sighed, turning his attention down to what used to be a grass area. Not much was left of that, in fact it looked almost like any plant life besides the weeds in the street cracks were...set on fire. The ground had this grey ashy feeling to it. And when Makoto scuffed it with his shoe….yeah, that was definitely the remains of something burning. That was a good sign right? It meant that someone was alive. This couldn't have been that long ago. 

Makoto opened his mouth to call for his friends, when a cold hand slapped over his mouth and forcefully tugged him backwards. 

Huh

Huh?!

Makoto was immediately kicking and yelling. He bucked like a disturbed wild animal, trying everything he could to get out. Wiggling, kneeing, elbowing, even trying to bite the hand over his mouth but none disturbed the individual. The house was getting farther and farther away but his voice was too muffled to ever reach it. There was heavy breathing in his ear, the air wet and warm against his skin in a way that made his body shudder. He forced himself to look up at his kidnapper. An individual with a wide smile on their face and eyes that spoke of a spiraling psyche. Everything about them...from their expression to their actions to their lack of reaction to pain...it all said despair. 

Eventually Makoto was dragged into the street and thrown down like a slab of meat. Makoto was about to scream again for help, when a hand quickly reached out for him. He couldn't help but flinch back, shoulders bunching up in an attempt to shrink away. His tie was yanked off, the force pulling his body upwards. When the tie snapped off he fell back again, he could feel rocks digging into his skin from the fall. Then his hands were tied behind his back. This was bad. This was so bad. Bad didn't even BEGIN to cover it. 

His captor came uncomfortably close, having lost all concept of personal space in the madness the end of the world has provided. Makoto tried his best to keep calm as they placed their arms to either side of him so that they were above, staring down below. There was a tense moment where neither moved, they simply tried to catch their breaths so that the silence would stop being filled with panting. It felt like a test. Like they were waiting for him to even dare to try to escape. They wanted to show Makoto what happened when he disobeyed! He could see it in their eyes! In the manicale look, in the smile that kept opening and closing like a strange gutted fish. The way their arms trembled and shook by Makoto's head, just waiting with the high of excitement.

Arms still shaking, mouth overflowing with spittle and pupils pinprick sharp, they began to slowly lower themselves. Makoto held his breath, willing his body to sink further into the concrete. His heels scraped against the ground, but he willed himself not to move in fear that any sign of escape would reward him with a slit throat. Their noses pressed against each other. The captor let out a shaky relieved sigh, as if the contact was the greatest thing they'd felt in a long time. Their eyelids fell half lidded, their smirk from excited to downright sadistic.

"I've got you now, Mr. Ultimate Hope."

Stay calm. You've dealt with this kind of person before. 

Makoto's nails gave a tug as he ran them against the concrete in an attempt to ground himself, dirt filling the space between skin and keratin. His heart hammered in his chest as if he were a scared rabbit, but there was no time to panic here. His life depended on it.  The despaired were completely delusional...which meant..

Makoto felt a laugh rise out of him, nervous and high in pitch.  A bit too high in pitch. He scraped the ground again, enough so that it began to hurt from the force. Calm down. Stay fucking calm. 

"Heh...heheh! Yeah! You got me..!" A smile graced his face, "what did you...get me for?" 

They pulled back, but not enough so that the pungent smell of smoke and ash left Makoto's nose. Their head tilted, daring to make an innocent face, "You know who you are, right?" 

"I do. And who are you?" 

Their body moved back and forth as they laughed with everything they had, their knees closing in so that Makoto could feel it against his leg. "Me? Me? Mememe?? Forget that! You're the Ultimate Hope!"

"That's right…" 

"I wonder what Miss Junko would say right now. Seeing you pinned down like this?" Their eyes flickered to the sky at the fantasy that no doubt filled their mind. 

Makoto tried his hardest not to cringe, and just attempted to change the subject instead, "Do you want me to do something for you?" It was a loaded question. One that made Makoto feel like he was picking all the wrong dialogue choices. 

"I do!" 

Progress. He wasn't sure if it was good progress, but it was, in fact, progress. 

"What's that?" 

Their voice dropped to a whisper, waning and cracking in excitement once again. They reached into their pocket. 

"I want you to watch this" 

They pulled out a little remote that looked horribly put together. Even with how much their hand trembled he could see that it was made of what seemed to be the remains of a torn apart scrap pile. Before Makoto could ask what they meant, they pressed the only button built in. 

What ensued was a large explosion. 

------

BOOM 

A loud eardrum breaking noise filled the previous silence. Byakuya was forced to grip the kitchen countertop as the world around him shook, a sudden intense burst of wind following soon after. The heat uncomfortable against his face. He made his way to the open wall, Kyoko not far behind him. 

"Was that an explosion?" Kyoko asked, not wanting to waste any time. 

Byakuya looked outside at the smoke and fire that overtook the sky. It was suffocating just to look at. Shit, it was definitely a trap then. "Looks like it" 

They watched frozen, transfixed on the horror as a building toppled from where it was standing, joining the others as rubble for them to walk on. They still stayed in place. They knew there was nothing they could do to prevent or help the issue. 

Byakuya was so focused on the sight, thinking about how he had to call for an early pick up that he didn't even notice until Kyoko asked. 

"Where's Naegi?" 

------

Makoto gasped and gasped as he ran for his life. After whatever that person had rigged went off he found himself surprisingly not being pinned anymore as the person sat cackling nearby. He had managed to slip away when more despaired came over and argued with the individual who had been pinning him.  Now he was running as fast as he could hoping he wouldn't get caught once again. 

He struggled against his traitorous tie, feeling it chafe against his wrists uncomfortably. Untying it would have been enough of a challenge without the running aspect. Now he found himself tripping over his own feet trying to think about the two things at once. 

Before he knew it, his feet had slipped right out from under him and he barely caught himself before faceplanting. 

Taking the fall as a hint, he stopped to catch his breath, looking around the area to gauge where he was. It seemed like more of the same until he saw a rather structurally sound convenience store. It was surprisingly big too for how little damage it had. A smile overtook his face. Aren't I lucky? Maybe the people inside can help me get this dang tie off. 

After letting his breathing calm down he made his way toward the store. Elation filled his heart, a familiar hope that kept him going. He knew it couldn't have all been a trap! Almost there now. Once inside he'd have someone untie his hands, and then he'd find his friends and-

His friends. He hoped Byakuya and Kyoko were safe. He had no idea how far the damage of the explosion traveled, but if it was enough to collapse an entire building there was certainly the risk of them being in hot water. Not to mention the multiple despaired that were walking around, who knows what sort of danger they could walk into. Then again, if anyone was capable of holding their own it would be Byakuya and Kyoko. But he should probably focus on his own safety instead of imagining Byakuya and Kyoko taking down their enemies in the most attractive way possible-

He was right there. He'd reached the convenience store. All the windows were covered up so that he couldn't see inside, but he knew someone inside was waiting. He just had to- huh? What's that? 

Makoto looked down to see a familiar, very unwelcome sight. It was a Monokuma with yellow and black stripes. At the top of its head was a red siren. And they were making eye contact. 

"Shi-" 

Instinctively he reeled back at the loud, sharp noise. The sound raised and lowered it's pitch smoothly, reminding him of tsunami drills he had to do back when he was in school and the implications it brought were similarly horrifying.

So much for being lucky. Makoto felt himself panicking again, the siren was loud enough to hurt his ears. He couldn't tell if his ears were ringing or if the siren was just that obnoxious. But he didn't have time to complain about that. The noise and the light… no doubt others would be coming soon. 

"Shh...shhhh!! Stop it!" He couldn't break the machine with his hands the way they were...he had to settle for getting help. 

Makoto stopped in his tracks before he could approach the door of the convenience store however, because there was someone watching him through the window. They'd opened the curtain to check what the commotion was. Makoto saw no madness or instability in their eyes...the survivors really WERE here. Makoto smiled, wishing he could wave and gesture for help, but he had to hope his expression was enough. 

The survivor frowned, eyes fixated on the Siren Monokuma. Without looking at Makoto again they closed the curtain.

No one was coming to help. 

Makoto backed away. That's ok. There was still a chance. If he ran quick enough maybe he could get away before reinforcements arrived. 

The growling he heard mocked his fruitless thoughts. That was the deranged sounds a Beast Monokuma made…he couldn't hope to outrun one of those. They were like real rabid bears but worse because they never got tired. They never stopped running once they had you in its sights, just like this one. 

But Makoto tried anyway to flee, only to end up taking a riot shield to the face from a Guard Monokuma. 

"Oof!" 

He fell back hard feeling all air leave his lungs. The snarling and pounding of the Beast Monokuma was getting louder. Too loud. Makoto rolled onto his side, scrambling to get up. He winced as a claw grazed his cheek, first blood of the night welling up. 

He felt like an insignificant worm with how he desperately rolled on the floor, hoping to find good enough footing in his panic to stand. But when he got to his knees he was met with another riot shield. He almost didn't react in time to dodge another slash from the Beast, managing to get the tie around his wrists cut. 

He'd never gotten to his feet so quickly before in his life. Bits of gravel stuck to his palms and blood ran down his right arm. He scrambled to find something -anything- to defend himself with, but he was already surrounded. It was too late to even bother going for the Siren Monokuma. How the hell was he supposed to-? 

He yelled out as sharp metal claws dug into his back, seemingly deep enough that he feared for his spine. The claws rake along his back as the beast removes them. If that wasn't enough to bring him back to reality, he was quickly overwhelmed, bruises being beaten into every inch of his skin from the shields, and slashes from regular Monokuma's on his arms. And worse of all the Beast Monokuma that was trying its best to chomp his head off with it's twitchy manic movements. He tried his best to fend it off, pushing at it personally with his bare hands despite the continuous relentless assault he was receiving. 

Another good hit with a shield and his hands slipped. In a split second moment that he didn't even get to think about, he reached a leg up and kicked at its face. He only had a moment of victory.

It bit down on his leg and didn't let go.

Now the interesting thing about Makoto is that even though he doesn't seem capable, he's grown to be able to keep himself calm when it mattered. Even at his own execution, where he was slowly heading towards his untimely demise, With frequent reminders of what was about to come, he had managed to keep as calm as possible. Even well he fell stories down into the garbage. He refused to make a peep and panic when every one of his friends could see. But right now no friends were watching.

Naegi Makoto screamed.

-----

"I'm going to kill Naegi my damn self for running off when we find him." Byakuya was, as per usual, annoyed as hell. 

Kyoko sighed, "Calm down. I'm sure there's a reason, you know he isn't like that." 

Byakuya rolled his eyes, but didn't say a word. Kyoko was completely right, but he would never give her the satisfaction of admitting that. His silence was enough. 

They had made way for the source of the explosion only to find the path to the other side of the city was completely blocked off by the collapsed structure. Due to the closed off nature of the cities remains that left them with only one option: go the long way around and hope those entrances aren't blocked as well. 

When it was just Kyoko and Byakuya there was always this weird silence. Sometimes comfortable, sometimes tense. Makoto was always the one to fill it, he was like the bridge between the two. Kyoko wished he could tell Byakuya to cheer up -his attitude was getting on her nerves- but Makoto's absence was the whole reason for it in the first place. 

"Keep your guard up" she reminded, her own hand staying close to the pouch strapped to her thigh. Inside was an all weather purpose mini notepad and a handheld taser. She quite liked her taser, it was both heavy hitting and satisfied Makoto's wish to not kill anyone: even the despaired. "I'm certain that explosion was rigged up by a person." 

Byakuya scoffed, "I am Togami Byakuya" he kindly reminded her. Kyoko rolled her eyes, she'd heard that way too many times to count. "My guard is always up and my reaction time is perfect. Maybe you should worry about yourself instead." 

"Incorrigible as usual, I see." 

He glared back down at her, still walking forward with overconfident strides, "I'll have you know-" 

There it is. Another rant which consisted only of Byakuya boasting about his own skills. She shut him out without a second thought, focusing on her surroundings instead. It's not as though Byakuya would provide any sort of new information anyway. 

"Wait." She interrupted, which Byakuya hated, but his feelings be damned, "do you hear that?" 

Byakuya paused, facing towards the direction she was looking. There was a sound in the distance, something familiar. It was far, but if he focused hard enough he could figure it out. 

Kyoko and Byakuya looked at each other, both having recognized the siren's undeniable screech at the same time. With a nod, they began to run. Makoto or not, whoever was caught by that Siren Monokuma was in danger. Byakuya steadied his hacking gun in his hand and Kyoko effortlessly pulled her taser from it's bounds. Despite their great desire to find Makoto meer seconds ago, they hoped that anyone else would be caught by the Monokuma's. But, this was Makoto after all. 

It took an undetermined amount of time for them to loop around to the convenience store, but the time spent felt uncomfortably long to them both. When they did arrive they found it was a chaotic mess. There was a group of Monokuma's huddled together over one unseen person. There was blood scraped across the concrete as though someone was dragged with their horrible injuries and all. But there were no sounds of a struggle. The sight was more akin to school yard bullies gathering to kick a victim than a genuine fight. 

Without wasting much time Byakuya fired at the Siren Monokuma, destroying it without a second thought. "Damn noise was getting on my nerves" He said. 

Kyoko shook her head, "Focus" she pointed her nose towards the pile up. Byakuya's uncaring attitude toward the situation showed that he believed the person was already dead. One by one the machines fell apart or destroyed themselves. And in their wake was a small, bloodied mess in human shape. The smell of copper and the sickening sight of messy pink was one they had gotten all too used to over the years. But that didn't make it easier when you recognized one of those bodies as someone you cared about. 

Byakuya felt harsh, furious breaths of air pushing in and out of his nose. The action was an almost unconscious response. He couldn't help but let anger well up at the sight of Naegi Makoto laying on the ground curled up on his side.

He grit his teeth, "Is he…?" Dammit. A Togami didn't hesitate. Certainly not Byakuya.

"No." Kyoko's voice was barely more than a whisper, and for a split second he thought she was simply in denial. But no, she had caught  sight of Makoto's chest moving up and down. She made way to him, hands hovering over him unsure of how deep his injuries ran. The first thing she saw were vicious claw marks running down his back. There were bits of debris clinging to the wound. They were ugly and jagged things. She wanted to roll him onto his back to get a better look at him but was it even safe to move him at all? She didn't want to risk paralyzing him. Not to mention she'd be pressing his wound to the ground. She glanced to his leg. A complete mangled mess, she could tell the unit that attached itself to his leg was relentless in its attack. Shaking and thrashing and the like. The fabric that once covered his leg was all but torn to shreds leaving the whole injury on brutal display. There was blood pooling underneath where he lay on the ground. His skin was pale from blood loss, breaking into a cold sweat that made her certain shock was already setting in. Almost all exposed skin was blossoming into a different, unnatural color indicating a plethora of bruises. His breathing was quiet but heavy, he'd already lost a lot of blood. When her eyes finally trailed up to his face she felt a small bit of relief that his features were marred by only a small cut on his left cheek, with a lazy stream of blood pouring from it. 

Byakuya and Kyoko were two individuals with a massive disconnect of their emotions brought about by their upbringing. Byakuya turned any emotion he felt into anger and disdain. Kyoko snuffed out most emotions she felt so that nothing would show. They had the emotional resolve of steel, it wasn't easy breaking down their walls. Makoto was that strange part of the equation that ruined all of that. He managed to get Byakuya to be intrigued by someone so seemingly insignificant and he managed to get Kyoko to act pouty and almost childish during the game. Yes, their entire lives were spent crafting these defenses. And now they had to fight to keep it all together with only elmers glue in their arsenal.

Kyoko was up close and personal with all the gruesome details of his attack. She tried to shove it all down so that she could completely focus on ensuring Makoto's survival. But he was looking up at her with a dazed half lidded look, as though any second the world would slip away from under his feet. And despite that Makoto smiled when he caught eyes with her. Kyoko's heart cracked. 

Byakuya could only watch with his fists by his side. He had set out to ensure all the survivors of the first killing game continued to survive and here we are. He forced all these feelings to be translated into anger. But he knew the underlying causes. He knew there was a part of him that simply was scared for his friends sake. 

The two of them both understood the others emotional grievances. And that's exactly why Byakuya's heart skipped a beat when Kyoko looked up at him with fear vibrant in her eyes. 

"It doesn't look good." 

[gofancyninjaworld]

What the OPM public expects of its heroes is pain relief

The story of One-Punch Man, being as it is about a man who became too strong in his pursuit of being a hero, has a lot to say about heroes. Whichever you read, you’ll see heroes and see them contrasted with hero-like people, something the manga takes further than the webcomic.

But how are heroes perceived and what really matters to people?  Why is someone like Mumen Rider feted and stronger heroes disparaged?  What is it with people wanting accessibility and aloofness at the same time?  How is it that they praise heroes one moment and spit at them the very next? What do people actually *want*?

With the manga chapter 146, I think it’s finally gelled.  Pain relief.

More below the cut.

Power is not necessarily a blessing

Lots of people fight. Some people fight for prizes in competitions.  Some people fight out of boredom.  Some people fight professionally as part of the military. Heroes fight against bad things. So do the police (sometimes).  What sets heroes aside from someone like the police is that heroes are expected to be pro-social in their actions: they’re expected to make things better.  They’re expected to take pain away.

What I mean by pain relief isn’t just physical pain, but all things that add inconvenience, menace and threat to peoples’ lives.   Whatever a hero does, they must not add pain. People do not forgive that.

People love powerful heroes. Power means bigger monsters can be slain. However, nobody thanks you if your power means that not just the monster, but their house too, get destroyed. And unfortunately, heroes work where they’re *needed*, which is in populated areas.  Hero work is not like prize fighting or military action: it almost never happens in a sterile environment.  Heroes are here for people, so where they happen, so do people. [1]

Spring Mustachio’s problem, that of being hampered in how much he can use his sword in populated areas as its reach is lethally long, is the cleanest example of what has been shown to be a problem since nearly the start of the series.

When we first met Genos, he had Stormtrooper aim, but the ability to casually firebomb large areas. That might have been fine for killing monsters and destroying evildoers’ hideouts way out in the sticks but in populated areas it’s a huge liability.  Being a hero, he’s had to get the tools and skill to be much more accurate and precise in his action.  To his credit, he and Dr Kuseno have worked hard to resolve that problem.  Metal Knight has a similar problem (still!); his weapons are great at blowing monsters away, but they also have a bad habit of doing the same for the surroundings.  It’s little wonder there’s rarely call for him.

Conversely, one of the first things we see Tatsumaki praised for is not just her work ethic and power, but her ability to wield that power precisely enough to avoid collateral damage.   This really is a big deal.

“Tell that to the meteor!”

Saitama might have said that, but the reality is people don’t forgive heroes for adding pain to their lives. The fear of death will pass, but the pain of a lost house or a workplace that no longer exists will linger.  And when that happens, people get angry at the hero, especially if the hero’s actions caused that additional destruction.

Really angry.  People were already blaming Saitama before the Tank Top bros stuck their oar in.  They just provided the crowd with a focal point for that anger.

It gets worse than that: people also get angry for pain they might have avoided if the heroes had been to hand earlier.  Reasonable?  No!  Very human? Alas, yes! Pig God is going to be far from the only hero to be asked why he couldn’t have been there sooner.  It’s just to be hoped that actual assaults on heroes are rare.

One thing that's been made clear is that even people who have never contributed a penny to the Hero Association nevertheless have expectations of heroes and get really upset when they're not met.

Pain isn’t just physical -- emotional pain matters as much

It’s easy to talk about physical pain, but emotional pain is every inch as important.  IRL, terrorists and the responses of people to terrorism is all about emotional pain: a terrorist organisation can’t do anywhere near as much material damage as even a small army division can.  But they can make people feel unsafe and that feeling is a powerful driver of what happens as a result, for good and for ill.

Mumen Rider may not have the raw physical strength of a lot of other heroes in Class C, let alone in the higher classes.  What Mumen does have going for him is his ability to relieve pain. He is attentive to even the small but intense pain that is the frustration of losing everyday things, as well as the bigger things like monsters or muggers.  You would think that people would disparage Mumen Rider for wasting his time with trifling things, but that’s part of who we are too. Knowing that someone has big important things to do, but doesn’t consider your small problems too small for them is an incredibly big deal for us.  That’s why he has inspired so many people to also become heroes.

We get to see the converse too, when Genos destroyed the monsters attacking T-City.   No lives were lost and the property damage was by far the least of any of the five cities attacked by dragon-level monsters that day: only the immediate surroundings took any damage.  And yet, that’s the very situation that caused the most public consternation.  The reason came to Genos’s terrible state afterwards.  Physically, the inhabitants were safe,  but their emotional anxieties were not addressed. What if there was another monster attack?  Who’d keep them safe then?

The Hero Association feels pain too

Which brings us, quite naturally, to the Hero Association. The place where the buck stops and from where the bills get paid.  The public pain is very important for them to understand and manage: if people don’t feel the heroes are making their lives better two things happen.  First, they bring more compensation claims for uninsured damage.  If City B and Beefcake was a disaster as King got ‘credited’ with knocking the monster down, then City Z is going to be one of those catastrophes that would break any organisation. Second, the Hero Association depends 100% on voluntary donations to run. If people don’t feel good, they don’t donate. It’s a terrible way to run an essential organisation, but the non-profit, non-governmental model the Hero Association was founded on never anticipated a world in which things would get so much worse so quickly and it is little wonder that it’s not coping well.

Summary: Heroes are not just assessed by their strength but by the benefit they’re thought to be contributing

And if a hero isn’t felt to be making peoples’ lives better, what’s the good of them? That expectation is not always fair.  It’s not always feasible, but it’s always there. And it’s a real challenge to meet.  A hero always has to fight with one eye on the world around them.  To the extent that they largely manage to do just that, one really needs to give them that bit more respect.

Asides

[1] This is one of my ongoing frustrations reading who would win threads: sterile pits are so far removed from anything heroes have to deal with that they’re rather counterproductive to understanding heroes.

[windstormwielding]

{ ooc } Recent trends show that people are very receptive to big, scary, beefy mommies™... so why not come meet the fine lady who raised Kō-boy here? Hadn’t had much of a proper image for her until recently, but then a bunch of things just clicked and fell into place!

I’ll repost all of the below for her own page on the blog at some point, and might soon open her up for interactions as a proper side/request-only muse like Hai’iro Ranmaru. For now though, here’s the rundown! History, abilities, you name it, it’s down there!

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Profile: Ryōhei Yumiko

Name: Ryōhei Yumiko (亮平 由美子)

Birthday: June 26

Race: Soul

Gender: Female

Height: 185.4cm (6′1″)

Weight: 86kg (190 lbs)

Relatives: Ryōhei Kōtarō (Adoptive son)

Previous Profession: Shinigami

Previous Affiliation: Gotei 13, 11th Division

Previous Position: Lieutenant

Theme Song: “Battle Against a True Hero (UNDERTALE OST)” by Toby Fox

— Appearance —

Yumiko is a middle-aged woman with an imposingly broad and burly figure. Her face, while still retaining some youthful beauty to it, is partially disfigured from an accident with her zanpakutō early in her career. Many scars adorn her muscular form from head to toe, gained throughout her time as a battle-hardened soul reaper of the 11th Division. Her hair is auburn red with hints of greying in the present, usually kept long down her back and tied in a ponytail, and her eye colour is hazel.

She is often seen wearing an amigasa and a frayed, dull green kimono to better blend into the foliage, albeit the fabric is bloodstained. In her younger years, she wore a shihakushō, but customized her look into that of a sukeban-style delinquent: she wore her kosode open over her shoulders, tied to her upper body with a red ribbon; she tore off her shitagi sleeves to bare her arms; her Lieutenant’s badge was worn around her left bicep.

(Present Day Faceclaim: Balalaika of Black Lagoon)

— Personality —

Years ago, Yumiko was a foul-tempered spitfire who assisted in keeping the sorry louts of the 11th in line. Strength meant authority within those walls, and there were really only two within the Division who could challenge her might, but she was never one to lord her position over others. Diligent as can be, she often took initiative for leading combat drills to keep her subordinates’ skills sharp. As a member of the 11th, she was a fiercely determined fighter who also relished in the thrills of combat, often using brute force to get the job done, and let her hair down whenever parties were held and drinks flowed. Though she and 3rd Seat Kuruyashiki often butted heads over trivial matters to the point of trading blows, she genuinely respected his strength and character deep down.

While she grew calmer and humbled when she effectively retired, she still holds no patience for any who seeks to do harm unto others weaker than themselves. Yumiko always had a weakness for children, despite the fact that her appearance tend to terrify many, to her dismay. To make up for this, she starkly changes her demeanour into a far more doting personality, sometimes accompanied by a familiar dopey grin that Kōtarō would inherit. She was fiercely protective of him growing up, and, true to her 11th Division training, killed those who dared to threaten her boy’s life without batting an eye or losing sleep.

— History —

In her heyday, up to 410 years before the present, Ryōhei Yumiko lived as a Gotei 13 shinigami, serving as the Lieutenant of the 11th Division. She fit right into the mold of a squad full of melee combatants and was a master with a blade, living and breathing by the three B’s: brawls, bloodshed, and booze. The many scars she accrued over the course of her lifetime each stood as a testament for her love of fighting, as these only grew in number the higher she rose up the ranks.

Unfortunately, her career was cut short come a terrible incident with her Captain. In a bid to further his own swordsmanship as the 6th Kenpachi, Captain Baishin attempted to merge with his own zanpakutō. This fusion, though successful, turned out to be one-way and took a debilitating toll on his mind, causing Kenpachi Baishin to go on a killing rampage that claimed the lives of over 60 seated officers across the Seireitei, including Lieutenants (OVA: The Sealed Sword Frenzy).

Yumiko nearly lost her life in the assault. While she survived, her saketsu and hakusui were pierced during the battle while she burned through her reiryoku. She awoke to several changes in the Gotei 13, chief among them being: her powers have effectively disappeared forever; Kuruyashiki, her 3rd Seat in the 11th, rose to the occasion and donned the Captain’s haori as the 7th Kenpachi during the crisis; and Baishin fled to the world of the living before being sealed away by Kuruyashiki and five other Captains, with two of them not returning home.

Not wanting to sit around for a pity party as she can no longer work within the Seireitei, Yumiko simply left and returned home in North Rukongai. Though her soul reaper powers are gone and she can no longer hear the voice of her zanpakutō, she still had both her fearsome physical strength and her incredible skill with a sword, just as how she always lived and liked it. She never raised her blade against innocent civilians, but many thugs in their attempts to cross her over the years lost their lives.

Around 270 years before the present, Yumiko found a toddler in the thickets of Kusajishi, just passed on from the world of the living. Disgusted that her former comrades would leave him to die within one of the worst districts for a child to be in, she sought to foster him and take him up to some family in a better-off district closer towards the Seireitei. However, she quickly found herself endeared to him when she realized he wasn’t scared of her at all, clinging to her with not one scream of fear or protest at the sight of her. She then decided to take him in as her son and gave him a name of his own: Ryōhei Kōtarō (亮平 康太郎).

Yumiko doted on and sheltered the boy as best she could over the years. Putting her years of fighting experience to use, she strove to teach her son the way of the sword. This was not only so that he may stand an actual chance by himself in the sticks of the Soul Society, but because she knew from his persisting hunger that one day soon, Kōtarō too might follow in her footsteps as a shinigami.

After he finally left for the Academy, she took to wandering the Soul Society proper, but would still come back to Kusajishi on the occasion he should ever visit.

— Powers & Abilities —

Expert Swordsman: As a Lieutenant of the 11th Division, Yumiko's talent in Zanjutsu was almost unrivalled back in her prime. Though her skills dulled with time and little worthy foes to fight out in the boonies, she still managed to garner a menacing reputation that kept her feared by many in North Rukongai. She passed on much of her knowledge in the combat art down to her son, who later became a worthy swordsman in his own right.

Expert Hand-to-Hand Combatant: Yumiko supplemented her swordsmanship with grappling, throws, and boxing, where her larger size and superior strength come into play. In the past, she often resorted to fighting with her bare fists while her active Shikai was locked into its sheath.

Enhanced Strength, Endurance, & Durability: Kōtarō looks up to Yumiko and calls her the strongest woman he knows; that’s not just him being cute, as he means that quite literally. She built up much of her strength over her long tenure as a shinigami in the most combat-intensive Division of them all, capable of lifting and cleaving boulders that are heavier and larger than herself with relative ease. Her body proved resilient enough to not only survive attacks from a crazed Baishin-zanpakutō fusion, while other seated officers in her position—including fellow Lieutenants—perished, but hold him off solo for some time despite her wounds and failing powers.

— Former Powers & Abilities —

Great Spiritual Power: As a former Lieutenant of the Gotei 13, Yumiko once possessed a considerable amount of reiryoku. Her reiatsu was coloured light blue, and her exerting her spiritual pressure made the surrounding area more humid.

Kidō Practitioner: Having attended Shin’ō Academy, Yumiko proved to have little aptitude for magic. The loss of her powers only took away what little capability for Kidō she had.

Shunpō Expert: Yumiko was surprisingly agile for her bulk and quite fast among her peers, able to keep pace with her old Captain who was himself well-versed in Hohō. While she now lacks the power to use such techniques, she still retains some valuable footwork lessons and continues to apply them toward her swordplay.

Zanpakutō: Yūgiri (夕霧, Evening Mist) resembles a normal katana in its sealed state, with a grey hilt and raindrop-shaped tsuba, and its scabbard came with a clip that kept the blade notched. Though Yumiko can no longer call on its power, she took her blade with her nonetheless when she absconded from the Seireitei, and concealed its distinct appearance by binding its hilt and tsuba in cloth. Yūgiri hangs by her hip. Its release command was “Billow!” (畝れ! Unere!).

Shikai: When transformed, Yūgiri’s blade hollowed out with small holes dotted along its length, gathering moisture from the surrounding area to empower its steel with super-heated steam and scald her enemies. Yumiko used the mist as a smokescreen, and often sheathed her active weapon to compress and build up power within its scabbard for mortal draw techniques, such as steam blades.   Yūgiri’s signature technique, Jyōki Bakusatsu (蒸汽爆炸, Steam Eruption) was the end result of storing up so much pressure, that it creates a steam explosion with extreme heat and force from the sheath once her blade is drawn. The first time Yumiko used this move proved reckless, resulting in the facial burn injury.  

Bankai: Not achieved.

[gildedmuse]

I'm a little late on getting this second part up, but it's not like tv shows have schedules or time frames or anything so it's fine.

Sora: Warrior Of The Sea

(A RedHawk Production)

BTS Blue Ray Extra: Costumes, Hair & Make Up (Part Two: Sora & Allies)

Boa's, Zoro's and X. Drake's (cast as Brími) as well as Ace's non raid suit are all pretty easy deals, since they're all upper ranking marine uniforms. Fortunately, officers are given a little more freedom with their uniforms, allowing Bon Clay to added some of the characters' personalities to their appearences.

So of course Boa Hancock brings in a team of her own fashion consultant to design Vice Admiral Reijin Umiko uniform form scratch. She couldn't bare to spend a whole who knows how many seasons in something forgettable and drab. And since Production Policy is "just try not to piss off Hancock" she ends up with the uniform she wants. Which is mostly just a marine cape, no sleeves, and a variety of designer outfits.

X. Drake's character, Himiya Brími , is a retire Rear Admiral, though he still stays in touch with his naval contacts, and acts almost as an outside consultant. So the costuming department decides to go with something navy like but without the officer coat. They go with a short white jacket with red fur accents that looks like Brimi might have worn it as a uniform at one point only the marine insignias are all gone. He wears black, leather like pants and gloves that go up to his nearly his wrist despite most of that being under the coat to cover the burn marks up and down his arm. The jacket is typically left unbuttoned, showing off the tattoo of his former division - the Fire Lizards.

Portgas D. Ace looks handsome as hell in full navy dress, identical to what Captain Akitsuyo Sora. is seen wearing in the comics, and also hates everything about it. Why are the pants so tight? He runs hot already there's no way he can deal with three (three!) Shirts. He wants to throw it in a dumpster and burn the whole thing.

Eventually they agree that he can go shirtless, but he has to wear the full proper captain's coat, not just hang it over his shoulders like most do. They get him some slightly more comfortable white trousers and let him wear black boots beneath them. Bon Clay accents the uniform in his characters colors and everyone but even Law eventually comes around and agrees it works.

Of course, Sora's more iconic look is his stolen Germa 66 Raid Suit. The costume department upgrades that design, same as they had the other Raid Suits, mostly by streamlining it, adding the more technological looking boots, adding in some detail to his gloves and.making the helmet a little less goofy (although of course it's still a must as neither Germa not the navy know Sora's identity at the start. At least it doesn't have a seagull on it like in the Saturday morning cartoon). Basically, they just being if closer in line with the other raid suit designs.

Somehow, even with the helmet, Ace looks amazing in that, too.

For Roronoa Zoro's uniform as Lieutenant Tadahiro Daichi, Bon Clay stats him off in just the basic lieutenant uniform, assuming Zoro will likewise have tons of notes. (It's a bit concerning he brought his swords with him). Surprisingly, he has no comments. He doesn't even bother looking in a mirror, instead making sure he can still move enough in sword fight, which he totally can. So he's fine with it.

Law thinks it might be an actual miracle.

Until Bon Clay speaks up. He really hadn't been expecting no comments and he refuses to accept it. You can't put him next to the main character wearing a genetic uniform. He pretty much demands Zoro strips on the spot so he can fix this travesty. Law is quick to leave before the headache starts.

 When he comes back, Zoro's has a much baggier coat that goes just bellow his waist And is inexplicably light green. He has the sleeves, which would swallow him otherwise, rolled up high. Its technically on, except it's big enough that it keeps falling off his shoulders. By all rights it should fall open and off except just under the waist there's a belt has been added for his swords, making the V shaped opening look like a very short kimono.

 To counter the lose fit of the coat his pants - dark green cause why not - seem impossibly tight. Laws surprised they got him in those without a fight. The only part of the once white uniform to remain the same color is a white sleeveless button down vest that, again, is way too tight for Law's liking and also somehow looks worse than if he were just shirtless. There's no way he can fight in that thing, he can probably barely /breath/.

Law keeps waiting for Zoro to start making comments but again, he has nothing to say. He does his little practice moves, slides the sword back around his waist and finally smiles.

"I like the belt, this is way more practical," he tells Bon Clay. Law wonders if he knows what the word practical means. Pants that cling to every curve of muscle and a vest with buttons clearly meant to be ripped off is not suddenly made practical just because there's an easy place to hang a sword. Also, he's suppose to be a high ranked marine but they can't buy him coat that fits instead of one that keeps slipping off his shoulders?

 So of course everyone but Law thinks it's perfect (even though as far as he can tell Zoro never once actually looks in mirror. It seems the ability to still do his own sword fights really was his only requirement.)

Law can't explain it, just like he can't really explain why he dislikes Zoro so immensely, but he hates that costume.

Because of course this is before they even strat shooting, meaning Law would still be pissy at Zoro by this point, and suddenly he finds himself pissed off and turned on all at once.

Law is going to look back at this in a year and hate himself when it finally clicks. He just left Zoro, shirt already falling off, with Ace - who the whole crew agrees looks incredibly sexy in the uniform and that was before he lost the shirt - and not only is Ace not irrationally upset at Zoro, he's all too happy to help out the newbie actor even if it's just something like reassuring him how he looks amazing in costume and hey if Zoro has any questions or something he can always come to Ace. His door is always open to Zoro.

@devilfruitsaladfordinner

Law hates Ace in part because Ace is just so open about flirting and he does it so easily and he's so sexy when he does it and fuck, nope, not going there. Not going to that weird place where the thought of Ace and Zoro together makes him want to scream but it also conjures images of them together infront of him on a bed at his mercy and THAT IS NOT WHERE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO GO WITH THIS

BEPO I NEED A DISTRACTION

.....

Yeah basically.

Peng got his WHAT stuck WHERE?

@gildedmuse

He's angry and he's jealous but he's also about three seconds away from pushing Zoro up against Ace because Law can't help but find the idea of Zoro begging for two men so incredibly sexy it literally breaks his brain. Oh, he's still jealous as fuck, but that doesn't stop him wanting to rip that damn uniform right of the stuntman and see how far him and Portgas-ya could push him until he breaks.

@devilfruitsaladfordinner

Ace is confused but not upset

[blackcloverdatabase]

English Translation of Novel 2: Chapter 4 - Captains' Dinner Party (Part 1 of 2)

Here is my first translation of the Black Clover novels. These chapters are huge, so I’m splitting this chapter into two parts, making this section about 6500 words long. This first half features Marx and Julius at the beginning, then transitions into the dinner party itself. Asta and Yuno also get mentioned in a hilarious kind of way. It’s a lot of fun to see the captains interact with each other! I think I nearly died a few times while I was translating this…

--- Captains' Dinner Party ----

As a close associate of the Wizard King, Marx uses his memory and communication magic with absolute precision. He is a capable man. His incredible ability is made evident by the fact he alone is the Wizard King’s close associate, who has been entrusted to his duties. As we all know, the Wizard King is the one who stands at the top of the Magic Knights.

Of course, Marx does not take on half of the Wizard King’s duties by himself. There are several people who support him. However, right now, Marx is the only one who reports directly to the Wizard King. There are those who act as imperial guards or advisers in times of emergency, but Marx generally acts as the Wizard King’s sole support.  

In short, he is doing work that should be done by several people all on his own. Moreover, the current Wizard King, Julius Novachrono, disappears at every opportunity. It’s never related to his work, either. Rather, he’ll say “I’ve heard a rumor about some interesting magic in one of the neighboring towns”, and, like a mischievous boy, casually disappear for that reason. While protecting this (42-year-old) mischievous boy, Marx busily performs his daily duties. His position is one that a person without ability can never handle.

 But now……

“……Everyone, thank you for taking time out of your busy schedules to meet with me here today.”

Marx muttered through his teeth as a drop of cold sweat lined his noble face. His manner of behavior was clumsy, unbefitting of the capable man he is. He felt that he could throw up at any moment.

‘Why did things have to come to this…?’ he thought.

“…Hey, bowl-cut. Quit it with the formalities and get started already.”

The meeting place was the conference room of the Magic Knights’ main headquarters. Strewn across the table were many delicious-looking meat and vegetable dishes, as well as iced alcoholic beverages. There were also pots of food evenly spaced apart on the table, as well as…

“……Be quiet, Yami. A hideous man like you may not know this, but everything has a code of etiquette,” rebuked the Captain of the Blue Roses, Charlotte Roselei.

With her dispassionate reply, the others around the table began to speak up one-by-one.

“Huuuh? But, at this rate, the beer’s gonna get warm! Tepid beer offends my mana.”

“Kah kah. You two should stop getting to know each other so well! Marx can’t move on with you guys chatting so much!”

��Wh-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-Who’s getting along with each other!? Jack, don’t say such nonsense!!”

“Huh? Charlotte-san, why do you look a little happy……Eeek!?”

“……Young deer. The next time you speak, don’t be surprised if you find my thorns shoved down your throat.”

With Fuegoleon and Poizot absent, only seven of the nine captains were present. They were summoned by the Wizard King. A stormy aura emanated from them as they sat surrounded by pots.

“W-well then, at the very least, let’s toast…..”

Faced with such an explosive atmosphere, Marx forced a smile on his face and stood up.

“E-everyone! Today, let’s celebrate and get this party in full-swing……Cheers!”

And so, the dinner party from Hell began.

 --- A few hours before the hellish party began ---

 “……A dinner party for the captains?”

“That’s right. I’m thinking we should make today’s Magic Knight Conference like that.”

Marx and Julius had such an exchange earlier that day in the underground storehouse at the Magic Knight’s headquarters. They had heard that two members of the Black Bulls, Luck and Magna, captured an extremely difficult dungeon and brought the relics stored there into the kingdom. Of course, the two did not carry all those relics by themselves. At their request, Magic Knights from headquarters came to help them, but the dungeon was so full of relics that it took half-a-day to carry it all back. The relics were sent to the Magic Appraisal Division for appraisal, and, knowing that all of them have high research value, the Wizard King came to watch.

“Ooooh! Hey, hey Marx-kun! Look! This is amazing! This black skull is falling apart, but if you inject it with magical power, it becomes as good as new!”

…...Well, the other reason Julius came was to satisfy his curiosity.

“I must say, Magna-kun and Luck-kun are impressive, triumphing over ten opponents like that~! I want to ask them about it, but I wonder if they returned to their hideout already?”

“No, I’ve heard that they said they have some errands to take care of in Seitan, a village in the Forsaken Realm, so they left right away…They might have already left Seitan, but would you like me to try contacting them?”

“Hmmm…… no. They must be tired after a mission like that. Let’s let them rest…… More importantly, look! They say this skeleton has a magic room inside its body! This right here is supposed to be the switch to activate it!”

“Oh? As one would expect, all the relics from this dungeon are highly advanced…… wait, hold on!”

He was almost caught up in Julius’s pace. If you respond to him thoughtlessly, this magic maniac will babble on and on endlessly about magic.

“About the dinner party… well, that is, why do you think we need to do such a thing?”

“Why, you ask? ……Because we’re all comrades in the very same Order of the Magic Knights.  I don’t think we need any other reason than that to eat and drink together.”

“That’s true, but……”

That’s not what Marx was trying to say.

“Certainly, they have known each other for a long time now, and they all have their own personal connections with each other, but… this is hard for me to say, but, from what I’ve seen, their relationship with each other is indisputably bad. With everyone being like that, I’m not sure if they’ll be able to enjoy it……”

To put it plainly, this dinner party is going to be an incredibly unpleasant experience for everyone involved… is what he tried to imply, but Julius responded with an affable tone as he fumbled around with the skull.

“Yeah, the dinner party is probably going to be so unpleasant that you’ll want to die. Ha ha, I’ll remember you fondly, Marx-kun.”

‘I should kick this old bastard’s skull in!’ Such dangerous thoughts, which would most certainly be considered national treason if he did it, sometimes crossed Marx’s mind.

“But, you know, that is precisely why I’m throwing this party.”

With those words, Julius looked away from the skull in his hands and toward Marx.

“We’ve received a declaration of war from the Eye of the Midnight Sun, and we’ve been betrayed by Gueldre. Moreover, the Diamond and Spade Kingdoms are becoming increasingly aggressive. Now that we have more perils and unease, the Magic Knights must become more monolithic…… We’ve talked about this several times now, haven’t we?”

“……Yes.”

After Marx meekly nodded his head in agreement, Julius took a breath and continued,

“And, you know that I’ve been working these past few weeks in order to give form to that idea, right?”

“……Yes. Revealing the traitor in the Magic Knights, encouraging joint missions like what happened in Kiten, as well as the trial introduction of the new system called Experience Enrollment*…… and more, right?”

“Yup, that’s about it as far as mission-related tasks go.”

Strictly speaking, that’s all he’s done so far as the Wizard King. However, the truth is, there is one more thing he did behind the scenes. It’s true that Magna and Luck have just traversed a dungeon that has never been explored before, and they brought back a number of treasures. However, it was Julius who induced them into doing so. Julius knew that the Black Bulls were looking for a way to fix Asta’s arms, so he chose an extremely difficult dungeon that most likely held rare treasures.  He then used his transformation magic to transform into an old woman, told Magna about the dungeon at the black market, and gave him some hints about how to capture it. Whether or not they could capture it successfully was a bit of a gamble, and they did not find any clues about how to cure Asta’s arms (Well, it turned out that Asta had already healed his arms at the Witches Forest, anyway). Nonetheless, as a result, they became much stronger and successfully brought back the dungeon’s treasures.

Because of this achievement, the number of stars the Black Bulls have acquired now stands at 101, making them second only to the Golden Dawn. What was once the worst Magic Knight squad has clawed its way to the top in a flash. This will agitate the other knights and spur them on to work even harder. In other words, they must learn to cooperate with each other now more than ever. Though indirect, their efforts will serve as a great steppingstone for the Magic Knights to come together.

Of course, not everything will go smoothly. Still, just a little movement behind the scenes produced such magnificent results. For him, these results are more than enough.

“……What is it, sir? You suddenly started smiling,” Marx asked quizzically.

This made Julius realize that what he was thinking was showing on his face.

“Huh? Ah, no, ha ha, nothing really! I haven’t been doing anything behind your back, I swear!”

“……I haven’t said anything, yet…”

“…………”

Marx stared at him for some time before sighing in defeat.

“Well, it’s fine……I can more or less imagine what you did,” Marx said as he surveyed the piles of treasure in the room. He is truly a capable man.

“……So, what you’re saying is… this ‘Captain's dinner party’ is also an essential part of your plan to unite the Magic Knights?”

“Y-yup. That’s right.”

Julius cleared his throat as if to recollect his thoughts.

“I, too, am aware of the current state of their relationship. Though they aren’t exactly on bad terms with each other, it’s certainly not a relationship where they can laugh and eat together…… However, don’t you think it’s a problem if the Captains, who are supposed to set a good example for their squads, stay like this forever?”

“I completely agree with you, but I don’t think their relationship is going to improve after one or two dinners……”

“And it’s almost time for the Star Festival, you know? And I think I’ll probably be asked again, probably by either the King himself or one of the Royals “Are the captains working together properly?” …or something like that.”

Julius intercepted Marx’s words with a bored look on his face. Marx knew that Julius always makes that face whenever he talks about political matters.

“Well, I can be evasive if I need to be… but don’t blame me if something happens. The mere act of having a dinner party should have a little bit of appeal, I would think, which should improve their relationship a bit.”

It was only a few weeks ago since the attack on the royal capital, when royalty tried to place the blame on the Magic Knights. At the time, they were able to gain the people’s support, but that may not be the case next time. If such a thing were to happen again and the blame were put on discord amongst the captains, he wouldn’t know how to respond. Of course, Julius genuinely wants them to deepen their friendships with each other, and he also finds political diplomacy to be genuinely boring. However, one must pay attention to those trying to drag you down and prepare countermeasures accordingly.

“Sir……”

While Julius was thinking, for some reason, Marx had a look of admiration on his face as he said,

“You’ve been thinking about such delicate topics this much……!?”

“Sometimes I think about these things, just like how you sometimes don’t think of me as the Wizard King, right?”

‘Sometimes, you think of me as just a mischievous old man, right?’ he thought to himself.

“I was joking earlier…… However, I understand. If you’ve thought it through to this degree, then I will do all I can to help you,” Marx said with his hand in a three-leaf salute, his face finally breaking into a smile.

“Thank you.”

Julius expressed his gratitude with a small smile.

“……Well, I also have some personal reasons for doing this,” he said to himself quietly.

“Huh? I’m sorry, did you say something?” Marx asked Julius, but, by then, Julius’s usual smile had already returned to his face.

“No, it’s nothing. Well then, I hate to ask this of you, but can I leave preparations for the party to you?”

“……I understand. Are there any dishes in particular you think we should serve?”

He was a little worried, but he focused on asking pragmatic questions. The dinner was going to be in a few hours, so if he did not start preparing right away, he would never finish in time.

“Anything’s fine, but…… how about hot pot dishes? I heard from Yami that the people from his homeland all gather around a pot, strengthening their bonds with each other.”

“Understood. I’ll arrange for that, then.”

Hot pot dishes… it’s not a dish typically seen at parties in the Clover Kingdom. It’s a tall order, but that won’t stop him from preparing it.

“You have my thanks. Well then, I’m going to investigate these magic tools a little more.”

“That’s fine, but……”

Marx looked around the width of the room again with a bitter smile.

“Don’t get so engrossed in them that you arrive late to the party. I won’t be able to handle their questions by myself.”

“Ha ha! Don’t worry, I’ll be fine!” he said with a grin as he returned his attention to the skull. Marx made one more bitter smile from behind Julius before leaving the room.

“A hot pot party for the captains…… the atmosphere is probably going to be strained, but there’s going to be alcohol, and, above all, Julius is going to be there. Certainly, everyone will behave themselves to some extent if they are before the Wizard King.”

“Right, as long as the Wizard King is there.”  

 With that, we return to the present, while the starting toast is occurring…

 ‘……. That old bastard isn’t here!!!!!!!’

Marx screamed internally as the amount of sweat drops on his face increased twenty-fold. To make matters worse, not a single one of the captains raised their glasses for the toast. He went to retrieve Julius ten minutes before the party was to begin, and yet, for whatever reason, he wasn’t there. Instead, there was a note which read “I’m testing the skeleton’s functionality in a separate room. Please start the party without me.”

After being hit with that bombshell, Marx frantically began to search for him, but he wasn’t in any of the adjacent rooms, and he couldn’t even feel his mana. His communication was also cut off, as usual. As he hustled and bustled about, the time came for the party, so he reported Julius missing and started the party. However……. just as he expected, the atmosphere was terrible.

“Please calm down, Charlotte-san! Why are you so mad!?”

The party has barely even started and yet Charlotte, whose face was red for some reason, was shooting her thorns at the Captain of the Aqua Deer, Rill Boismortier.

“……S-shut your mouth, Rill. I’m merely teaching you how you should speak to your seniors!”  

“Uh, no! I mean! It really feels like you’re trying to kill me…… ow, ouch! One of your thorns cut me!”

Sitting beside them were the Captains of the Green Mantis and the Black Bulls, Jack the Ripper and Yami Sukehiro. A turbulent aura surrounded them as they began to quarrel.  

“Hey, Rose lady. Stop scarin’ the deer kid. Look, he’s shiverin’ like a newborn baby.”

“Kah kah! Yami, you’re the one who started this mess!”

“No way, isn’t this happenin’ because a certain skin-and-bone-head decided to say somethin’ that would push her buttons? I bet your brain is as emaciated as your face. You poor thing.”

“HUUH!?”

Sitting across from them was the Captain of the Golden Dawn, William Vangeance. Rather than do anything to stop the quarrel, he simply sat there and smiled as he usually does.

“Fu fu. Everyone is getting along as well as ever, I see…… Even so, the Wizard King certainly is late.”

Sitting beside him was the Captain of the Silver Eagles, Nozel Silva. He hasn’t uttered a single word since the beginning of the party. A sullen aura of displeasure radiated out from him.  

“………zzz”

And finally, beside Nozel sat the Captain of the Coral Peacocks, Dorothy Unsworth.

“……zzz……zzz……..zzz……..nom, chew chew……zzz”

Whenever she is asleep, there is often a snot bubble coming from her nose. This must mean she’s asleep right now, yet somehow, she’s eating. There are many things about her that are simply incomprehensible. In any case, aside from Marx, there was not a single other person interested in calming the place down. There was no sign that Julius was ever going to come, either. He has been trying to use his communication magic, but he still hasn’t been able to connect with Julius.

‘……As I expected, I’ll have to try to do something by myself.’

“W-wow! I prepared all this food myself, but I must say, this is a delicious-looking assortment of ingredients!!”

In an attempt to change the atmosphere of the party, Marx began throwing ingredients into the pot. While he was doing that, he turned toward Yami, who was still arguing with Jack.

“I heard this hot pot cooking is a dish from Yami’s homeland. But what’s the most delicious way to eat it? Ha ha, please teach me, Captain Yami!”

“Dunno!”

“…………”

With that single word, Yami went straight back to arguing with Jack. His eyes had met Marx’s for a single instant, revealing a killer’s glare.

“……. Ah, I see. Ha ha, that’s right! What’s most delicious is going to be different depending on the person, right? I’m sorry.”

Marx felt as if his heart was about to break. He needed to find someone to talk to so that he could recover. Just now, his conversation partner and his timing were both terrible. This time, he’ll find someone who looks more open to conversation……

“Ah, C-captain Nozel! Do you like poultry!?”

At that moment, Nozel, who was reaching for some roast duck, shifted his gaze toward Marx. He may be hard to talk to, but if it’s a conversation about his favorite foods, he’ll open up a little. At least, that’s what he thought……

“Kah kah, come to think of it, I’ve never seen ya eat or drink before, Nozel!”

“Oh, he’s eating! Somehow, I feel kinda moved by seeing this. It’s like watchin’ a feral cat who doesn’t let you pet it finally eat the food you put out for it for the first time… I feel like I’m gonna tear up.”

……This is the worst. Jack and Yami paused their fight to poke fun at Nozel. They both must have decided that teasing him is more interesting than fighting with each other. However, their target ignored them and continued to eat his meal with refinement. Marx isn’t sure whether he should be surprised by this development of if he should have expected it. After all, Nozel knows very well how those two are. However, even though he looked calm…

“Kah kah, a cat!? But, now that ya mention it, he’s totally like a cat! A very prideful cat!”

“Yeah. When you think of him like that, he starts lookin’ kinda cute.”

This made Nozel’s forehead muscles twitch, but then the two pushed even further.

“Cute? With that sour look on his face? Kah kah! What the hell are you lookin’ at?”

“Nah, he’s cute. It’s the braid, y’know? He does that every mornin’ cuz’ he wants to look cute.”

“……Hey, that’s enough you two!”  

Rill exploded. He puffed out his cheeks and pointed at Nozel’s braid.

“Nozel-san thinks his braid is cool! Seeing him get made fun of for that is just too pitiful…… Eeek!”

In the blink of an eye, Nozel thrust a spear of mercury into Rill’s throat.

“Huh, wait, what!? Why!? I was just trying to back you up! Besides, didn’t Yami-san and Jack-san say way worse things about you!?”

“……Silence. You’re hopeless.”

“Why are you being so unreasonable? ……Hey, o-ouch! Wait, the cut I got from those thorns earlier is even larger now!?”

Marx quietly looked away from the chaos that was ensuing between them. Nozel is certainly being unreasonable, but, no matter how you look at it, Rill is suffering the consequences for what he said. Let them handle their own problems, he thought.

“……H-hey, Yami”

After Marx made his cruel decision, Charlotte, who was sitting beside him, quietly divided the contents of the pot into small plates as a faint blush colored her cheeks.

“……Since I was already taking my portion, I decided I might as well make a plate for you, too…… I-it’s in the way, so hurry up and eat it,” she said as she placed a small plate in front of Yami.

……Come to think of it, ever since he told her that today’s meeting will be a dinner party, she has been acting a little strange. It seemed like she had to muster up her courage when she sat next to Yami, and she looked rushed when she did it. Even after the party started, she has been acting as if she was trying to get the timing right on something.  

Could it be that she wants to look after Yami? He wasn’t sure what her intentions were, but if that was what she was trying to do, then he’s very grateful. If she can hold Yami in check, then Jack should calm down a little, too. That would rein in the two biggest troublemakers here.

Just as Marx was getting his hopes up, Yami and Jack turned toward each other,

“……Hey, Yami, because you started saying weird shit, now even Charlotte has started acting out of character…. What the hell!? What the hell is up with this enigmatic woman!? Talk about terrifying!”

“I don’t know! H-hey Charlotte……Wha-what is your aim here? I-is it my life you’re after?”

“Y-you cretins!! I was trying to do you a favor!!”

“Wooooooooooooow, what a delicious-looking dish!! Y-Yami, if you won’t eat it, then I wiiiiiiiiiiilllllll!!”

Just as Charlotte was about to summon her thorns again, Marx speedily forced his way into the conversation.

“……Y-yes! Please eat it, Marx! I want nothing to do with this foolishness anymore!”

For just a moment, Charlotte’s face was like a demon’s, but then she replied with a pout as she pushed the plate onto Marx.

‘……I don’t really get what just happened, but, for now, the danger has been averted,’ he thought.

“Ah, I-I know! Captain Yami! You had Yuno-kun in your squad a few days ago for the Experience Enrollment! How was that!?”

Though he just averted one crisis, it was only a matter of time before they would provoke each other again, so he decided to change the topic of conversation.

“Ah, that’s right! I just remembered! Hey Goldy, I wanted to talk to you about that!”

Marx wasn’t sure if he chose the perfect conversation topic or if it was just his timing that was good, but Yami stopped arguing with Jack and turned toward Vangeance.

“Hand Yuno over, ya hear? Not as a trade. Give him to me free of charge.”

‘……Well, I successfully managed to start a conversation, but it sounds an awful lot like blackmail,’ Marx thought.

“Ha ha…… I’ve heard a little bit about what happened while he was with you, but does Yuno interest you that much?”

Vangeance replied with a smile as he gently swirled the contents of his cup. As far as Marx was aware, Vangeance is the only one who can behave so elegantly while being pressured by Yami.

“Yeah, I could make real good use outta him. He’s great at cookin’ and cleanin’, and he could buy my alcohol and cigs for me.”

“I heard about that from Yuno himself. When Sandler heard, he became very angry and said, ‘You may be a mere peasant, but to think he’d make members of our squad do things like that……’. I had never seen him make a face like that before.”

“Well, of course, I also think that Yuno’s magic is really somethin’ else. It’s really crazy, that spirit magic he has. Yuno’s magic by itself is strong enough, but with that spirit supportin’ him, all his other spells have gotten multiple times stronger.”

It is said that a spirit dwells in each of the four major attributes: earth, fire, wind, and water. Extraordinarily powerful magic that can only be wielded by those who have received the spirit’s blessing, that is spirit magic. Yuno has been blessed by the wind spirit, Sylph. She has already made significant contributions in many of his missions.

“He’s really somethin’. He dried the laundry so damn fast!”

That ability is not for housework.

“You get what I’m sayin’, right? So, hand him over.”

And it’s not something one can get so easily.

“Ha ha. No. You’re not even offering me anyone in return, you know?”

“Huh? What, you mean you’ll think about it if I trade ya for him? There’s someone on my team you want?”

“……Hmm, let me see.”

From behind his mask, a mischievous glint shone in his eyes.

“How about…… Asta-kun?”

“…………”

Everyone at the table paused in shock. This has to be a joke, the kind you usually make at a drinking party, they thought. Surely, neither of them was being serious. Still, even if they were joking, he brought up Asta’s name in a conversation about trading the Golden Dawn’s ace ……he’s essentially saying that Asta’s value is equivalent to Yuno’s. That peasant who doesn’t even have any magic? Everyone knows that Asta has been an excellent Magic Knight. His name has shown up frequently in recent reports, and some of the captains here have even fought together with him. However, not having any magical power whatsoever is too dire a handicap to have in the Magic Knights. Thus, everyone was shocked to hear Vangeance bring up his name. Marx wondered if he could sense some kind of potential in Asta.

“Huh, you kidding? You’d be fine with him? You can have him. His arms were broken until just a while ago, but he seemed fine yesterday, so feel free to use him however you want.”

However, Yami didn’t seem fazed, continuing to speak in his usual way.

“……Well, but,”

In the next instant, his mouth upturned into a provocative smirk as he said,

“I don’t think you’d be able to handle him.”

“……I wonder about that.”

For a brief moment, the two stood still, studying each other without a word.  

The atmosphere around them wasn’t unpleasant, but it was a peculiar air, as if the two were trying to measure something specific in the other. Just as Marx was getting ready to chip into the conversation,

“Fu fu, let’s leave the joke at that…. I won’t hand Yuno over to you. Everyone is expecting great things from him this year.”

“Huh~ What the hell? You stingy golden weird mask guy.”

“Ah ha ha…… huh? Was that always meant to be an insult? Not my nickname?”

With that, they started drinking again, smiling as they continued to converse with each other. Unlike before, when they seemed to be throwing riddles at each other, there was no unpleasantness at all between them, just genuine enjoyment of the moment.

If this keeps up, the other captains will probably get involved, and then they’ll all enjoy being part of a normal conversation. Marx felt a wave of relief wash over him, but then…

“Tch. Fine, fine. My brat has more guts than Yuno, anyway~”

Oh no. With that single sentence Yami casually blurted out, Vangeance’s smile stiffened by just a little bit.

“……I guess. Well, I think that Yuno has a considerable amount of guts, too. I haven’t tried to compare them before, so I can’t say this with certainty, but I don’t think that Yuno necessarily loses to Asta in that regard.”

“…………”

With those words, this time, it was Yami whose expression tightened a bit.

“……Naah. I don’t know about that. That Asta hates losing so much that he’d rather die, so I bet he’d come out on top. I can’t say that with certainty, though.”

“……Yuno also hates to lose. He told me himself that, during the raid on the Capital, the reason he was able to capture a member of the Eye of the Midnight Sun is because of how strongly he felt those very emotions.”

“Nah nah, if you’re gonna bring that up, Asta killed a ton of zombies during that very same attack.”

“He did, but Yuno defeated a member of their upper echelons. Because of him, we were able to obtain vital intel on the Eye of the Midnight Sun, wouldn’t you agree?”

“The only reason we were able to get that intel is because Asta used his sword to break the protection spell on them!”

“Huh, wait, what? Ha ha… what’s wrong, you two?”

Marx attempted to stop them, but his voice didn’t reach them, and the two continued their dispute. It’s probable that neither of them intended for this to happen. However, no matter what they might say, it’s clear that they both dote on their squad members. The two got more fired up with each exchange until their souls were practically screaming “My child is better than yours!”. Neither of them has had much alcohol yet, but perhaps the power of alcohol had at least something to do with it.  

……And then, finally,

“……Then, we’ll just have to do it.”

Yami spoke with a sharp gaze and a voice so low it could kill.

“You mean, we should summon them right here, right now, and have them fight until one of them collapses… right?”

“Hmmm…… I guess that will be fine.”

“THAT’S NOT FINE AT AAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL!!”

Marx finally decided it was time to intervene, but he was no longer in their field of vision. He was used to Yami being like this, but it was rare to see Vangeance’s eyes like that. It might even be the first time he has ever seen Vangeance like this.

‘So, this is how strongly he feels about his squad members……,’ Marx thought.

“P-please wait! Having them fight now is…… it’s definitely too sudden, don’t you think!? Plus, the two of them hail from the same village, right!? Suddenly making them fight each other would be too cruel!!”

“Actually, I’ve been told that fighting each other is how they’ve honed their practical combat skills since they were kids. We just want them to do that one more time, so I don’t think they would find our request particularly unreasonable.”

Vangeance was surprisingly calm as he said this, which suggests that he was never carried away by his emotions to begin with. He’s just that wicked. People who are calm and logical when they’re angry are the most frightening of them all.

“Well, that may be so, but…… they don’t need to fight right now, do they!? What about the dinner party!?”

“Would ya shut up already!? We can eat and drink while the two fight it out!”

“What!? That sounds just like what rich people with bad taste do for fun! You’ll traumatize them!”

To watch two people who grew up together like siblings fight to the death against their will! Only a demon would do such a thing and smile about it!  No, this man is called the God of Destruction for a reason. Come to think of it, if these two are saying things like this, then, most likely……

“Kah kah! Hey, Yami! Are you two planning to enjoy such an interesting spectacle without me?”

Just as Marx predicted, Jack joined the conversation.

“Let me in on this, too. And then I’ll cut up whoever wins.”

“Eeeh!? Jack-san is going to fight, too!?

It was as if a chain-reaction had begun. This time, it was Rill who responded, making sideways glances at Charlotte and Nozel as he spoke.

“A fu fu……Then, maybe I’ll go, too. I-it’s not like I feel really uncomfortable around certain people and am trying to get myself as far away from them as possible or anything!”

“……I don’t know what you are so fearful of, nor do I care, but I plan on coming as well.”

“Huuuuuuh!?”

Charlotte quietly declared her intent to participate, unconcerned with Rill, who’s eyes were wide with shock. Marx’s expression mirrored Rill’s as he sputtered,

“B-but…… Why you, too, Captain Charlotte!?”

“……Usually, I care not for whatever these men might do. However, the Star Festival will soon be upon us, an event of great importance. These foolish men need someone to keep an eye on them so that they don’t do anything stupid.”

For some reason, she kept stealing glances at Yami’s face as she spoke.

“……It’s dangerous to leave him unsupervised.”

For the second time that night, Yami and Jack exchanged looks after watching her behavior.

“……Hey, Jack. What’s up with her today? Dangerous to leave me unsupervised, she says……? Is she planning to follow me and… attack me from behind with her thorns!?”

“C-calm down, Yami! Try to remember! You probably did something to make her mad! You know, like… you defiled her honor or something!”

“…...I-I’m going to kill you!!”

“Please don’t!”

“C-captain Dorothy, Captain Nozel! You think it’s messed up to make Asta and Yuno fight, too, right!?”

Marx desperately called out as he shielded Yami with his body, arms outstretched. He didn’t have any faith that either of those two would join forces with him, but they were the only two who hadn’t yet entered the conversation. They were the last two he could possibly depend on, so he had no choice but to stake the last of his fleeting hopes on them.

‘……But, when you think about it, neither of them has been enjoying the party at all, but they haven’t done anything to spoil the party, either. No matter what they might say, that in itself could be evidence that they feel quite at home at this party, which means they might be willing to help me dissuade the other captains.’

Holding such hopes in his heart, Marx waited for either of them to make a response. However…

“……………………..”

“zzz………zzz…….zz zz, zzz-zz-zz…….zzz……zzz”

It was no good. Nozel’s eyes conveyed the message, “I don’t care. Bother me and I’ll break your spine in half”. Dorothy’s only response was her snores.

‘……As I thought, I’ll have to do something about this myself,’ Marx thought.

“P-please calm down, everyone! For now, let’s all sit back down! This dinner party is a formal banquet organized by the Wizard King, you know!? To disregard that would be unforgivable!”

He didn’t want to do this, but he decided he needed to borrow some of the Wizard King’s authority, so he mentioned him by name. Even so, he wasn’t sure if that would be enough to settle everyone down……

“……Or, how should I put it? Regardless of the fact this party was organized by the Wizard King, please do not abandon this banquet.”

Maybe he’s spilling the beans too soon. Maybe this banquet is all just a political maneuver.

“……The Wizard King established this banquet to deepen your friendships with each other.”

At the very least, he wanted them to know that fact.

“It’s true that I think this is a clumsy way to do it. It’s true that I think it’s hopeless. In fact, I think that it’s really irresponsible of that magic maniac to organize a banquet and not even show up! I’ve been thinking that, just once, I want someone to give him a good thrashing!”

“H-huh? Marx-san, are you trying to back him up? Or, do you just want to insult him?”

Rill’s voice was full of worry, bringing Marx back to his senses. He nearly let the daily frustrations he has built up erupt out of him.  

“A-anyway, it’s an undeniable fact that this banquet was prepared in consideration of your relationship…… So, I don’t want you all to quarrel like this at the banquet he prepared for you.”

“………”

With Marx’s desperate appeal, the entire banquet fell silent.

…This banquet has strayed far from what the Wizard King intended. At this point, even if the Wizard King were here, it would be impossible to fix. However, this was the only way Marx could think of to keep the party from falling to pieces. Just as he feared, getting this group to get along with each other was impossible……

“……What nonsense.”

Nozel retorted as he slowly stood up from his chair. His retort felt like an attack on an already defeated enemy. With that, he made his way toward the exit.

“……Ah, wait! Captain Nozel! Where are you going!?”

Nozel stopped and turned his head over his shoulder, looking back at Marx with frightfully cold eyes.  

“I’m going home. His goal was to deepen our friendships with each other, correct? However, with this banquet now in shambles, that will not come to pass. Therefore, it is pointless to remain here.”

“………”

He was right.

“……Or rather, do you not agree that this was impossible from the beginning? Me? Getting along with a commoner, a foreigner, and a fallen noblewoman?”

His cold gaze moved from person to person before meeting Marx’s gaze once more.

“It’s true that cooperation among the various squads of the Magic Knights will be essential as the war continues to intensify.  However, cooperation and familiarity are not synonymous. Rather, such half-baked acquaintanceships give birth to carelessness, and carelessness disrupts cooperation. Instead of wasting time on such meaningless gatherings, it would be more worthwhile to conduct joint exercises.”

“M-meaningless, you say……!?”

But he couldn’t refute what Nozel said. Though Marx felt that Nozel took things too far, none of what he said was incorrect. Even so, the Wizard King is…..!

“……Isn’t discussin’ that kind of thing one of the reasons that guy set this party up?”

“………!”

The one who said the very remarks Marx wanted to make was Yami. His eyes and tone were as extraordinarily deadpan as usual as he continued,

“Also, you’re right when you say that a half-assed friendship would only lead to careless mistakes, but if we don’t start by half-assing it, then it’ll never develop into real trust. That’s what strengthens collaboration…… not that I don’t understand where you’re comin’ from. I don’t wanna do it, either.”

“……Shut your mouth, foreigner. It was because of your ridiculous proposition that the order of this event was disturbed in the first place.”

“Ah, that whole thing about how we were gonna make Yuno and Asta fight? Yeah, I thought it would liven this place up a bit, but I guess we really shouldn’t. Sorry ‘bout that.”

Yami glanced at Vangeance, who apologized with a wry smile,

“Yeah. Ha ha, I guess that wouldn’t exactly bring us closer together, would it? Just as you said, I thought it would be nice to have them fight it out a little and then treat them to the food here, but…… certainly, it was an impudent proposal. We got carried away, and I apologize for that.”

“……huh?”

Marx’s eyes widened in shock.

‘Did those two come up with that idea in order to revitalize the banquet? By making all those objections and trying to keep everyone here against their will, did I end up ruining their idea and making the situation awkward for everyone……?’  

“Anyway, sit back down, Mr. ball-o’-pride. I’m not sayin’ you need to get along with all of us, but can’t you at least wait for the Wizard King to arrive? You can just tell him what you told us earlier and then leave, so you won’t have to stay much longer, y’know?”

“…….”

Just when Nozel opened his mouth to respond to Yami’s words, they heard the sound of something distorting.

“Oh… I finally got through to you.”

When he looked toward the direction of the sound, Marx saw the Wizard King’s face projected through his communication magic.

--- To be continued in Part 2---

I’ll post the next half of this chapter next week if all goes as planned. 

A note of explanation: “Experience Enrollment” is referenced in previous chapters of this novel. Though I haven’t translated those yet, it appears to be the name of the program for Magic Knights to spend a day working in a different squad. An example of this is when Asta works for the Golden Dawn in chapter 2 of this novel.

[aspidities]

Most of Harley Quinn is great, but parts of it are super anti-semitic. I find it difficult to enjoy the good parts because of it.

Oh I knew this was coming. I’ve seen the posts.

I’ve seen a lot of warnings about anti-semitism about the show and I was concerned enough to look into it myself. And when I watched those parts? Yeah, I wasn’t offended. I was laughing.

See, I’m a Jew and I know anti-semitism real fuckin well. I know it because half of my family isn’t here today because of it. I know their names. I know their stories. They’re listed on multiple walls, in holocaust museums and at memorials. They died at Auschwitz-Birkenau.

Ellie, my great-grandmother, she was 48. Her daughters Clara, Mietz and Katie were 21, 17, and 12, respectively. My great-uncle Leopold? He was only 10. Ellie, Clara, Katie and Leopold all died in the gas chambers. There’s not even a record of them being registered at the barracks—they must have gone from the train to the chamber immediately. My great aunt Mietz, for whatever reason, was chosen not to die that day, and went into the camps. She was liberated about eight months later by American troops. She never recovered from the experience and was an emotional, nervous wreck to the end of her days in Berlin, 1992, surrounded by her army of min pin dogs.

My grandfather was studying in the US and had already joined the army as a paratrooper medic by the time they died. He and his brother Walter had been separated from the family since they were sent away to school at 18. He never saw his sisters again, after that. Sometimes he would wake up, even as he lay dying in the hospital in 1999, and call out ‘Clarie, Clarie’—for his oldest sister, who was closest to him.

Why do I tell you all that? Because I’m telling you I know how Jews react to trauma. We make jokes. Specifically, often jokes about our own people. Look at Mel Brooks movies—it’s a long laugh track set to a series of Jew jokes and we all fucking love it. Every Jew I know grows up on Mel Brooks (well, and Woody Allen but we don’t talk about him so much anymore, the daughter-fucking putz) and no one considers him anti Semitic. You know who considered Mel Brooks anti Semitic? Pearl-clutching white ‘allies’. People with little to no experience with the true trauma of Jewish life, the shared horror of our genocide. People who meant well, but undoubtedly did not understand.

That’s what I’m seeing now with the Harley Quinn show. The show has Jewish writers. They’re allowed to make jokes they find funny! Especially if it’s funny to us and not goyim! We are allowed to bring up stereotypes—it’s practically a staple of Jewish humor. I nearly died laughing in the second episode when they made Penguin’s kid have a bar mitzvah and the kid’s friends are all gossiping over whether he fingerbanged a girl. That is classic bar mitzvah life, okay? At my own mitzvah, a kid I knew snuck away and jerked off on someone’s tallit shawl without realizing and then had a spiritual breakdown in a bathroom crying for his mom.

I do, however, understand the systemic problems of anti-Semitic material in television shows, so I understand why people would be initially concerned or put-off AND I do think it’s better that we show more concern over less. I think it’s very valid to complain of representation is not personally what you want to see—I know the humor is pretty ‘old Jew’ which is why I referenced Mel Brooks, and it can certainly be divisive and offensive to some, even in my community. I’m not disputing that. Hell, there are still some people who don’t understand that Blazing Saddles is meant to satirize racism. Not everything is received the way it was meant.

But, that being said, if you are asking for the opinion of me, a Jewish person, who once had a panic attack in because I saw the inside of the recreation of the chamber where my family died, I’m saying I don’t find it anti-Semitic. If anything, I find the show incredibly progressive in not only character presentation, but choice of character goals. I think it’s making strides to be funny from a place of true openness, and sometimes that doesn’t always read as well as it should, but I’m of the mind that we can give them the benefit of the doubt.

If you disagree with me, that’s fine! I may change my mind too, if the writing staff changes, and I reserve the right to do so. But right now? I don’t see any point getting all Cancel Culture on a show for depicting funny Jewish stereotypes when they have Jewish staff members. I think that getting upset on my behalf is not worth it, okay? Let me tell you what I find offensive. Let me tell you how I feel.

[docholligay]

Follow Water Down

I have been wandering around in the woods since I was a small child. My family was not particularly well off, and from the ages of probably 3 to 16, the only vacations we ever took were camping trips. We left the house for the woods nearly every weekend. I live in Montana, and so when I say camping trips, I don’t mean we headed off to the KOA with a pool, I mean if I walked away from the campsite I was in the goddamn National Forest. I was genuinely happy with this arrangement, as I was a strange child who grew up to be a strange adult, and I enjoyed the quiet, the sense of exploration, the smell of the trees. 

I began leaving the campsite nearly from the word go, and by the time I was about 8 or so, I was very much off by myself in the woods for the majority of the day, which leads us to our post today. There are people who would call my mom grossly neglectful for having allowed me to do so much on my own at such a young age, and even she gets bashful when she talks about it, but I credit it with a lot of positives: 

I have an extremely good sense of direction

I have a strong core of self-sufficiency and am not easily overwhelmed by anxiety

I can be alone in the quiet with my thoughts

I am rough and tumble as HELL, owing to many many many falls down the sides of mountains, huge gashes in my legs, being stalked by a mountain lion, and one very memorable miscalculation that ended in me falling off a (small) waterfall

When I meet my fear, I can master it*

So what I am here to present to you today are very basic survival skills such as I would teach my own child, such as I was taught as a child. This is by no means comprehensive, and if you intend to get seriously into outdoor life, I recommend both doing far more research, and taking a a Wilderness First Aid class, which are frequently offered when it’s NOT Covid, and which I take about once every 3-5 years (I am due). This is a primer for those who are young, or new, or mostly want to experience the wilderness by reading about me doing it. 

Follow Water Down. 

I cannot remember how old I was when I learned this. It’s the sort of thing that is a part of my makeup, my mother must have told me when I was only a toddler and its stuck with me so hard that it’s one of the first things I tell people. 

If you are lost: 

Water will always lead you back to civilization eventually. Join up with the stream. See which way its going. Go that way. This is obviously not significantly helpful if you are lost in a flat desert plain but then again, I did start this by saying I was a child of the woods and not the desert. This seems like such an easy trick that people often ignore me when I say it, but it is the simplest thing for a child to remember. 

I can’t remember how old I was when I got lost in a tangle of hills and mountains in the Little Belts, where the trail faded but I kept going in my normal bullheaded way. But I was well and truly lost by the time it was about 3 pm, and in some ways I wish I had worn a step tracker back in those days because I am extremely certain I went miles and miles, as one does when they leave immediately after breakfast and don’t come back till dinner. I had no idea where I was, where the campsite was, or what direction I should be going. 

I was not thrilled. 

But I was not a kid who sat down and cried, in that I had smaller concerns before, and so could easily grow to meet the larger ones. I simply walked down the mountain, knowing a valley was more likely to have a stream I could easily join. Lo and behold, there in that little valley was a snowmelt creek, and I followed it downstream, knowing eventually there would be a house, or a campground, or something. In a twist of glorious good luck, it actually led me back toward where the campsite was, and as I began to recognize things, I easily clipped into our campsite long before any sign of trouble. 

Follow Water Down. If you aren’t near a stream, head for the nearest valley, and follow the valley. This will generally lead you to water. People will tell you to stay put and that is WAY smarter than wandering aimlessly in circles, which is why I say to follow something. You think you won’t go in circles, but you will. By following a streambed, not only are you doubtlessly heading back to civilization on a long enough timeline, but you keep yourself from doing that. 

Your Pack: 

Before you go out for the day, you should have a simple day pack. Mine is an Osprey Hikelite 18, but I hike all the time, and you don’t need something that technical. A plain ol Jansport will work as long as it fits you well. I do however, really approve of and recommend a waist clip. I also think a pocket for a water bottle on the outside is really useful, but you’re not going to fucking die if you have to take off your pack to get to your water bottle. I just find it takes up space I don’t want. 

Gear:

More important than your pack itself is what you have in it. Again, this is according to people named Doc, who are me. This is stuff I always take with me when I am by myself, on a trail where it would be realistic to assume I would not see someone else for hours. This is like 95% of Montana trails, or any time that I am off trail. 

Compass. You can get fancy, pretty compasses, but a lot of times they lack the actual essentials you need. I like this guy, which is well made, can be clipped to you backpack easily, and is inexpensive. I don’t have the time or space to really try to teach you how to use a compass, but here’s a really good simple primer from the American Hiking Society. 

Paper Map. I sometimes break this one, admittedly, but I shouldn’t. Having a paper map of the area is always a really smart practice, and used in combination with the compass, can help you get unlost quickly, or at the very least give you an idea of how close to any given outpost you are. 

Water Bottle. Please don’t tell me you were going to attempt to leave without this. I have no preferences on one, shockingly, and I’m being serious. I’ve been given to use an old disposable one, who gives a shit. 

Water Filter. Now THIS I did not have as a child, because my parents didn’t know any better, but if I follow in the grand tradition of my people and release my child into the mountains, I will give them one for certain. I knew what kind of water to look for if one was going to drink from a stream, and I did so, which probably explains why I am not susceptible to ~tummy upsets~ to this day. However, it would have been smarter for me to have one of these. I like LifeStraw but Sawyer makes a perfectly good one. Look for lightweight, it’s a day pack, kids. 

Knife. I have many many feelings about knives, which would require its own post, but this is fairly essential for being out and about. This is not a thing I would necessarily cheap out on, though there are fine options at most price points. This is my knife:

The Gerber Propel AO. The serrated and straight blade edge means there’s a lot of options for use as a tool, I find the blade to be strong and hold an edge well. Most American-made Gerbers (be sure and check, as they have a much shittier Chinese-made division) are incredibly well made knives. Leatherman multi-tools and Swiss Army Knives are, if you ask people named Doc who are me, a waste of weight and size, but if I were to buy a Leatherman, it would be a Free K2X. I would not buy a Swiss Army Knife. 

A jacket/fleece/pullover. Listen, i am the last one who wants to carry this shit but if you get lost overnight (as has never happened to me, kinehara.) you are going to want it. Read up on what the lowest temperatures are, and rate it to that. Depending on what mountain you are in, this is going to vary widely. And for the love of god, wear pants. I know, I know, it’s in the 70s and you’re hoooooooot but seriously, you’ll be less likely to injure yourself and you won’t fucking freeze. 

Flashlight/headlamp. 

There are fancy firestarters, but honestly I just throw in a bic. 

Food! Clif bars are great for this, lightweight, high calorie, keep well. this is in addition to your sandwich or whatever you’re packing for planned eating. 

Sunscreen/bug spray. Don’t be stupid. 

Whistle. Three sharp shot blasts is the easy and international sign for help. 

FIRST AID KIT this has its own thing. A first aid kit can be very basic to very intense. Our group first aid kit is more intense, but when I’m stuffing a day pack, I want stuff that’s light. 

Ibuprofen

Bandages

Gauze

Leukotape

wound wipes/antibac

Imodium, benedryl, caffeine

Oxycontin. This is leftover from long ago and basically exists in case I break my leg and have to drag myself out of there, or, as we like to say, a Worst Case Scenario. 

That’s it! It essentially fits in a bento box. 

You will want to be wearing a sunhat of some sort, sunglasses at hand, and a watch. Not a smart watch, a watch watch. It’s good to know what time it is, better to know that after your phone dies. Attach bear bells to your pack, or your shoe, or something. You do not want to surprise a bear, that is how people die. 

You may notice that I do not have a phone, external battery, GPS tracker or anything like that listed. GPS trackers are not a bad idea if you want to invest the money in backcountry--my wife has one--but I never have and I do not consider them essential. Phones and external batteries are not useful to me, and in the places I go there’s often not service. If there IS service, I find I’m more irritated than not by the people with me, who often can’t pull their faces out of telling their audience how much of a life they have to actually have one. Be alone with your fucking thoughts for once. 

Which leads me to my next thing: DO NOT WEAR HEADPHONES TO HIKE OH MY GOD. Being able to hear what’s going on around you is key to safety, and also to allowing you to get your bearings. If you are listening to music or something, you are far more likely to sneak up on something, or allow it to sneak up on you. Don’t do it. It’s a terrible idea. 

Should I bring bear spray? This is an excellent question! We have ample bear spray, and I often wear it but I just as often wear Montana Bear Spray (a gun). It’s easier to practice with a gun, I feel more sure of how to use it, and I’m comfortable around it. That being said, this is not the story for most of America, and I understand that. So make sure you are VERY familiar with how to use your bear spray. 

I suppose this went off the rails into supplies more than “tips for survival” but honestly I would rather help you all AVOID trouble than help you out of it. It’s easier to pack clif bars than set a rabbit snare, and its easier to not get lost than it is to build shelter. Also, this is already at 2,000 words, so if you have a SPECIFIC question, let me know! 

*Apologies to Phillip Pullman, but if I were going to get anything from HDM tattooed on me, this sentiment would be it, the only problem being the actual line is “You ent afraid are you?” “Not yet. When I am, I shall master the fear.” which doesn’t look as good but damn has that resonated with me since I read it.

[observing-obliviousness]

All My Strength, For You

For Kaciart (https://kaciart.tumblr.com/post/623568650228596736). I am routinely inspired by your art to write these things. Some inspire more than others, and I may have an FFVII brewing in my mind from another recent pic. (Even though I know, like, nothing about it.) I love your work and am glad to be among the followers.

I know there isn’t much to go from, but I always imagine the training halls are at or below ground in this universe (the glaives’ areas obviously being an exception.) Here, it’s just below ground.

This is set the September before the events of the game. (Noct 20, Prom 19, Iggy 21, and Gladio 22)

Story under the cut. Also on ff.net

Prompto was somewhat enjoying his afternoon. Yeah, taking a few hits from Noctis wasn’t what most people call “fun”, but this was time he gets to spend with his friend.

He was still technically a recruit in the Crownsguard, but he had finished most of the basic training last month. Now it was just drilling those basics and building proficiency in his division, projectile weaponry. He thinks Noct was the one who pushed for him to get placement there, but he didn’t know for sure. He was shaping up to be as expert a marksman as Weskham Armaugh of his majesty’s retinue according to his instructors. He really hoped he was good enough to join Noctis’ retinue when he goes on his tour of Lucis.

A fist sailing closer to his face brought Prompto out of his thoughts and back to the moment. Right. Focus here, focus now, block the fist, kick the open side. He and Noctis were working on hand-to-hand combat in one of the Crownsguard’s satellite offices. And Noctis, of course, was winning more than losing.

“C’mon Prom, I know you can do better than that,” Noctis teased as he dodged the kick. Once upon a time, that would have hurt Prompto’s confidence.

Now it served to spur him on.

Prompto let out a short breath, readied his arms, and sprang at his friend.

BOOM

Everything seemed to slow as sudden tremors knocked the two of them off their feet.

Prompto noticed cracks forming in the wall as he fell. He managed to twist enough to cover Noctis when he landed. Noctis was dazed as he looked up at Prompto.

But he would not move until he was sure Noctis could get out safely, and he didn’t.

Not as another boom was heard through the ceiling.

Not as tremors rocked the area again.

Not as dust fell around them.

Not as he could hear the concrete cracking.

And certainly not as what felt like a ton of concrete landed on his back.

After an agonizing minute, Noctis’s eyes cleared.

“Astrals, Prom! -“

“You ok, buddy?” Prompto’s voice was breathy.

“Wha- Am I ok, are YOU ok?!” Noctis’s words got faster and faster the more he spoke, “Wait, no, stupid question. Of course, you’re not ok. A bunch of concrete just landed on top of you.”

Prompto’s weak smile turned into a grimace as some weight shifted. Rescuers were digging through the rubble or the debris was settling.

Noctis thought of how he could signal the rescuers when something wet landed on his face. He looked to Prompto and saw blood on what hair and clothes he could see.

“Noct,” Prompto breathed, his voice barely a whisper, “Get out of here. You can send someone for me when you climb out.”

“No Prom, I won’t leave you.”

“Please. Help can find me faster if you show then where I am.”

Noctis looked away with a frown, tears in his eyes. “Why do this?”

“Because you’re my friend. I’d give everything for you.”

Noctis could only stare in shock and wonder.

“So please.”

At that, Noctis’s face set in determination. “I will make sure they come back for you; I swear.”

Prompto gave a small nod. Noctis nodded back and wriggled out from underneath Prompto as quickly and gently as he could. He spotted a small opening up and to his right. With one last look at his friend, the Prince of Lucis began to climb.

Rescue teams and Crownsguard worked frantically to clear the rubble. According to the younger Lords Amicitia and Scientia, Prince Noctis was in the building when it collapsed. They set to work immediately after the bomb-induced tremors ceased. That was an hour ago.

The sky continued to darken slowly as crews worked to dig those trapped out. They had already pulled 15 other Crownsguard out with nearly 20 more still buried. They had a long night ahead of them.

The Prince’s shield and advisor rushed over to a commotion a little deeper in the hole. The crew there found another person. They worked quickly to uncover the person and found another Crownsguard. He was unconscious but alive. The young lords sighed to themselves and kept digging. They would not leave until his highness was safe.

Climbing through the rubble was hard. The spaces were incredibly cramped and there were a few places he just barely squeezed through. After what felt like hours, Noctis could just see some slivers of light. His climbing became more frantic but there were no spaces big enough to get through.

“Damn it!” He slammed his fist on the concrete right above him.

Noctis sighed and dropped his head. Can’t go any further until I’m unburied. He took another breath and slowly let it out. Looking up, he breathed in deep and shouted as loud as he could.

“HELP! SOMEONE! I’M DOWN HERE!”

Ignis wiped the sweat from his brow. He, Gladiolus, and the rest of the rescue crew have been digging people out of the rubble for over two hours now and there was still no sign of Noctis. He had hoped to find His Prince by now. Ignis knew that he and Prompto were in the training hall working on hand-to-hand, but he still held hope that Noctis and his friend were not too far down.

A faint noise froze Ignis in his movement.

“Iggy?” Gladiolus asked from his left.

“Shh, I thought I heard something.” Ignis motioned with his hand to still his fellow retainer.

They both stood in silence for a few moments before Ignis heard the sound again.

“Over there! A voice!” Ignis pointed in front of him before carefully running over. Gladiolus and a few others followed.

“HELLO! CAN YOU HEAR ME DOWN THERE?”

“……Iggy……Is that you?” The voice was soft through the rubble but definitely familiar.

“NOCT, IS THAT YOU?”

The crews in earshot gasped.

“…Yeah…I climbed as far as I could…but I’m stuck here.”

“DON’T WORRY. WE’LL GET YOU OUT.”

Gladiolus pushed away some concrete and motioned for the other crew to do the same. Ignis joined the effort. The digging was a little more rushed.

Noctis could hear the people moving above him. He doubted that Ignis heard him when he said that Prompto was further down, but he can tell his advisor when he’s a little closer. He could feel the dust fall on top of him as the light peeking through got stronger.

A crack above him suddenly flooded with light. He flinched a little but was able to wiggle his hand through.

Ignis looked for another piece of concrete he could lift when a slight movement caught his eye. A hand. He knelt by the hand only to find Noctis staring back at him through the crack.

“Noct,” Ignis breathed, “Are you alright?”

Noctis gave a slight cough. “I’m uninjured. But…Prom’s further down. He’s hurt, bad. He…he shielded me from the collapse. He told me to climb out and direct the crews to find him.”

“Alright, we’ll get you out then dig for Prompto.”

“Ok, but I’m not leaving until he’s out.”

Ignis nodded and stood back up. The crew had stopped while he and Noctis were speaking. A look got them moving again. A few more pieces of concrete moved out of the way and Gladiolus was able to pull Noctis from the rubble.

“Are you ok?” The shield rumbled.

“I’m fine, but Prom…”

“We’ll find him, Noct,” Ignis reassured, “Just tell us where to go.”

Prompto’s eyes drooped. He felt like he had been kneeling there for ages. The weight on his back became harder and harder to keep up with his shaking arms and legs. He knew he couldn’t let his arms buckle or lock, or he’d be looking death in the eye. His hands and knees dug into the concrete below him painfully. He wouldn’t be surprised to find them covered in blood by the time he got out.

He was also finding it hard to keep his eyes open. They drooped over and over again as his head fell forward. Sleep sounded so good. Maybe a short nap…

NO! Sleep means that the arms collapse and that means death. Do not fall asleep!

But keeping awake was hard.

Dust fell around him.

“You’re sure he’s around here?”

“I’m positive, Gladio.”

The crew with Ignis and Gladiolus followed Noctis’ directions and started digging where he indicated. They had been digging for nearly half an hour. Gladiolus had a few doubts about his Prince’s word. He raised an eyebrow.

“I’m sure. The spaces I could get through were always on my front right. I retraced my movements from where you pulled me out. We should be almost directly above him.”

Gladiolus sighed. “Ok. We’ll keep digging.”

Sleep was nearly impossible to fight off at this point. Yet Prompto remained awake. His head was about to drop again when something shifted. Somehow, the weight on him got lighter.

“What?” He murmured.

A beam of light cut through the dust almost right in front of him. Prompto stared at it for a while before putting two and two together. Rescue was close.

“Hello? Anyone up there?” he said as loud as he could.

The light cut off as feet suddenly appeared in front of him. Prompto looked as high as possible but couldn’t see the person’s face.

“Prompto?” he heard as the other knelt in front of him.

“Iggy?” Prompto’s voice wavered and wobbled like his arms.

“Yes. We’ve almost got you completely unburied. Just hold on a little longer.”

Ignis’ legs then feet disappeared as he climbed out of the hole. To help with getting me out, I guess? Prompto could feel the weight lessen as more time passed. He thought maybe another ten minutes after Ignis left, a different set of feet appeared. Arms then hooked underneath his shoulders and pulled him forward.

Prompto’s arms hung uselessly and his legs dragged through the dust as whoever removed him from the pocket put their arm under his and pulled him to their chest. Prompto looked up to see his rescuer was Gladiolus.

“Gladio…?”

“Shh, it’s ok. You’re almost free.”

“’m tired.”

“Then sleep. You’ve earned it.”

A week later saw Prompto still recovering in the hospital. The entirety of his back was shredded from the falling concrete. His hands and knees were in a similar state. He sustained a slight concussion from the falling concrete as well. The hospital staff refused to let him leave until his back was healed to the point where he could sleep on his back like normal and raise his arms without pain.

“You know you didn’t have to do that.”

“I know, Noct,” Prompto sighed. They had this conversation before. “I wanted to.”

“Still doesn’t mean you should.”

“And let you die? Not a chance in hell.”

Noctis fell silent at that. He couldn’t argue the point when he would do the same.

“Anything you want?”

“Can you tell me how the bombers are doing in the Marshall’s interrogations?”

Noctis gave his friend a mischievous smile at that.

King Regis ordered a thorough investigation immediately after word of the bombing reached him. He pushed Clarus Amicitia to head the investigation upon hearing that Noctis was also in the building upon its collapse.

Investigators found a group of protestors to be responsible for the bombing. Nearly everyone in the group were brought in for questioning. Marshall Leonis was conducting the interrogations himself. The protestors cracked right away and pointed to a specific person as the instigator. That person went missing from Insomnia the day after the attack.

“They cracked like eggs. Cor is also working on measures to make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

Prompto smiled and went to sleep.

Poor Prom ended up stuck there for about three hours. Noct took about an hour to get to the spot where Gladio pulled him out, Gladio and Ignis took another hour after he got there to actually pull him out, and getting Prompto out took another hour. My dude was so sore. It took a physical therapist nearly a week to get his muscles to fully relax. He also had a hot bath at least once a day for a month.

I also feel like this might feel into the claustrophobia we see in game. I know like it's more likely from the MT pods, but this might've exacerbated the issue.

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 42

Things are starting to return to normal on the Ark, and that means taking some things off Tyche’s plate!

Head’s up, this chapter has not been beta’d.  I feel like I’ve been saying that entirely too much, recently, but between my work schedule changing drastically and some things going on with @parisconstantine, getting the stories to her in a timely manner and still being able to post on time hasn’t been the most feasible thing.  Even then, her wifi situation is a bit sketchy.  So, any errors, please feel free to let me know in the comments, and they are all my errors, none are her fault. She’s going to see this at the same time all of you do!

Nervously, I ran my fingers through my hair as I made my way to the Council Chamber.  A part of me was hesitant about taking on a new assistant, no matter how necessary I knew it was.  Conor and Maverick’s speculation the night before had helped me none whatsoever. Names had been tossed around, along with opinions if either had any knowledge of the person in question. This one was rude, but that one was a toady… Around and around.  They had gotten me worked into an anxious mess by the time they started naming people who weren’t even being considered.  I could barely sleep the night before, and now looked like a not-so-fresh zombie staggering quickly to my office.

When I finally got there, it was something of a reassurance that Simon looked almost as bad.  Since leaving the Council and dumping his position on me, he had practically isolated himself from everyone on the ship.  For the past three months, however, he had been filling in and helping me.  It was more social interaction than he was used to, and the signs showed clearly on his face.

“You said my new assistant has been decided?” I asked as I walked over to the food console. “Did you eat recently?”

“Yes, and no but I’m fine,” he groaned as he leaned back and stretched his back.

I rolled my eyes hard enough that I hoped he could feel it, even though I was standing off to the side. “Bullshit. You better tell me if you like sweet or savory for breakfast, or you get whatever I pick.” I looked over my shoulder to see his face.

He yawned hugely before shrugging. “Just give me one of whatever you’re going to eat. I don’t care either way.”

“Biscuits and sausage gravy, it is.”

Once we were both settled with our food, I tried again. “So, you specifically asked me to come in today because the Council decided on my new assistant.”

Mouth full, he nodded before swallowing. “Yep. And before I tell you who it is, remember – I had no say in this, whatsoever. You vetted the list, and that constituted ‘our’ vote.  Xiomara’s approval was her vote, so this was decided by Eino, Pranav, Grey, and Huynh essentially.  It took forever, by the way, to reach a unanimous decision. Seventeen applicants? What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that there were nearly a hundred before Xiomara, Derek, Tyche, and I went through them.” I gave him a pointed look as I finished of my breakfast and took a long sip of tea.

“Fine, fine,” he waved off and paused briefly. “Before I tell you who it is, we need to discuss training and integration.  You can’t just toss someone in to the deep end with something like this, Sophia.”

“I’m not an idiot, I know that.  The plan is to have them shadow Tyche so they can get familiar with the routines, specifically mine, and gradually take over from there.”

“That won’t work,” he told me bluntly, before looking sheepish and trying a different approach. “There may be a… personality conflict?” Looking away, he scratched the back of his hand.

Simon was hiding something.

I pushed a little harder, eyes narrowed. “She already agreed to do it, for all the candidates.”

“All of them?”

“Well, yeah. She was there when I went through the files.  Tyche manages work assignments, so she needed to have a head’s up of where to allocate more people. Especially considering some of the applicants – several were in essential functions.”

He tilted his head for a moment. “Yeah, some were shot down just because of that,” he conceded with a sigh. “It wasn’t that the Council had a problem with the applicant, more so with the best candidates for replacing them in their current roles.” He raised both hands in front of his face to fend of my coming protest. “Don’t get me wrong, Tyche chose the absolute best replacements for them, it’s not her fault that the options she had available were garbage. The Council is working on planning some vocational training to fix that, give us a better selection to fill those positions in the future.  It was practically a miracle that I was available to fill in for you the past few months.”

I nodded. “That’s a good idea.  Tyche wasn’t too happy with the people she had to select from, honestly.” That was a gross understatement.  She had been fuming when it came to some of the positions she tried to find candidates to fill.  There had been three applicants we had to reject, just because they were indispensable where they were, unfortunately.  The only thing that mollified my conscience was the fact that everyone on board worked to fill time, gain skills, and pull our weight.  None of us were paid, so becoming my assistant wasn’t exactly a promotion. It was just a different way to keep busy and help out.

Simon flicked a few files to my data pad. “These candidates were eliminated almost immediately. Two of them have a tendency to gossip, which means the Council wouldn’t be able to work on any projects without word getting out to the Ark. Things get twisted and turned around entirely too easily, so either person would be a damage control nightmare.” I just nodded in understanding. Derek had pointed out the gossiping tendencies, too, but hadn’t thought it was a large enough concern to eliminate anyone.

With a deep breath, my co-Councillor continued. “The rest in that group were eliminated due to either personal or personality conflicts with the rest of the Councillors or their administrators.”  Glancing through the files, I was surprised at just how many there were – how did seven different people piss off the Council that badly?  Definitely curious, I told myself.

“The last eight were all people in essential positions,” he admitted. I noticed he paused, yet again. It was unusual to say the least – Simon never grasped at his words. “Like I said before, we had to exclude a few of those, just because there was no good way to back fill their current roles. Not the way I would want this decided, but here is the winner.”

I flicked away my datapad without looking at the file. “Simon.  Is something wrong?”

A pause. Ah-ha! There it was. “With the new administrator? Not at all, why?” He blinked at me innocently.

“I don’t mean that, I mean with you. You keep pausing before you say something, and it isn’t like you. It makes me feel like you are hiding something, and you know I don’t like that. I thought you were working on that.” I was pleading, and I knew it. But at the same time, I couldn’t take any more intrigue and secrets right now.

His fact showed clearly the conflict going on inside, before he finally slashed a hand in front of him as though cutting someone off. It was not a gesture he made, and was made even stranger by the fact that I hadn’t said anything in several minutes. With both hands, he gave his face a brisk rub before looking at me guiltily. “I know that, in the past, I was really bad about not watching what I said, and it upset or offended a lot of people. There were several situations I handled incredibly poorly, including when you first woke up. So I… may?... have been running everything I was going to say by Miys and having them advise me on more diplomatic ways to say it.” He covered his face again, this time in embarrassment.

“Simon.” I equal parts touched and horrified: touched that he was trying to hard, but horrified that he felt the need to do this, even as we approached a year after his resignation from the Council. “How long has this been going on?”

“Only since I started filling in for you on the Council,” he admitted. “I isolated myself – well, pretty much all the time, to be honest. After, you know?” He waved ambiguously, but I knew he was referring to the night he explained I would be replacing him. “And that didn’t really help in the end. The entire reason I was so rude to everyone is because I spent a year with no one but Miys, and they had no concept of Terran manners at the time. To a degree, I had to be blunt with them to accomplish anything, until there were more Terrans on the Ark. And even then, you know quite a bit of our cultural niceties aren’t exactly universal.”

I thought that over for a bit. “So, you convinced Noah to be your ad-hoc speech writer and feed you appropriate manners for certain situations?”

“Maybe? Yes.  That’s pretty much what I did.  And it’s been working, honestly!” He laughed, but it sounded a little bitter. “It’s a hard pill to swallow, knowing that someone so alien to what we know is better at being human than I am.”

“For what it’s worth, Noah is a living computer and not exactly Superman,” I advised, trying to be comforting. When Simon looked confused, I explained. “I used to study comic books. You know who Superman is, right?” He nodded, so I continued. “Believe it or not, he was a really divisive character.  Sure, he was a hero, he was good, so on, so forth. Superhero stuff, in the beginning. But he was so perfect – handsome and strong, bulletproof, x-ray or heat vision, flight, and an absolute moral compass. Sounds great, right? Except for one detail, a tiny detail and yet a huge detail at the same time: this pinnacle of humanity wasn’t human.  He wasn’t even one of our gods.  He was a flat-out alien, from another planet. Sound familiar?” Simon glanced up before nodding with embarrassment. “You’re not alone, not by a long shot. Even comic book writers who were on the cusp of being the next big name would refuse to write for Superman, even if it meant stalling their career for a while.”

“I don’t hate Miys,” Simon objected.

“Oh, I know you don’t.  But it’s very normal, very human to feel how you’re feeling about needing him to tell you what to say.” I leaned forward, resting my elbows on the desk. “Noah isn’t Superman.  They are brilliant, and have access to so much data at once that they have an advantage in this.  Add to that, Noah is sentient, not an actual computer, so they pass the Turing test every time without breaking a sweat.  But have you tried just, doing it on your own?  Pay attention to how people react, apologize if you upset them, and adjust your approach? You know, like every human ever has had to do?” I quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, dude.”

Simon glanced up at the ceiling again. “Hey, Miys.  I know you heard all that.”

“Correct,” came the flat buzz. Noah sounded a bit miffed.

“I’m sorry, dude. I’ve probably been bleeding resentment all over you for months, and you never even said anything. That’s horrible of me. You’ve been a super good friend, but I think Sophia may have a point on this one.”

A humming whine. “Simon, Wisdom is accurate in her explanation. Beyond works of entertainment, Terrans have shown the same reaction to deities in the past. There is significant historical precedent, so I was prepared for the possibility of this.  Also, I believe she is correct in regard to re-learning how to socialize with your people. Psychological studies indicate – “

“Thanks, Noah,” I interrupted.  This sounded like something they could ramble about for a while. Whether they admitted it or not, Noah did get excited about Terran psychology. “And thank you, for helping Simon for so long.  I know it couldn’t have been easy, on either of you.  You’re a good friend.”

“A pleasure, Wisdom,” they buzzed happily before turning off the communication system.

“So, try it the hard way?” I asked Simon, smiling gently.

He slid low in his chair, covering his face again. “If I have to, yes.  I can’t say I’ll do a great job, but I promise to try.” He peeked through his fingers. “Just… keep Tyche away from me for a bit? Until I get better at this?  I really don’t want her yelling at me again.”

I chuckled and nodded in agreement. “Now, let’s see who she’s going to be training.” One issue resolved, I flicked my datapad back in front of me. My eyebrows rose when I saw who my new administrator was, though I was only mildly surprised. “And this person somehow has no personal conflicts with the Council? None?”

He shook his head with a grin, relieved the topic was changed. “Being a pest doesn’t mean they can’t work with him. And honestly, it worked in his favor here. If nothing else, he showed dedication and determination.  Actually, the only person the Council was concerned he would have a conflict with is your sister.”

“And she included a letter of recommendation, if I remember right,” I muttered softly.  Clearing my throat, I spoke up a bit. “Believe it or not, she actually advocated for him when the file passed inspection.  So did Xiomara.”

“Better find those books, Sophia,” Simon leaned back and shook his head. “I think you have some crow to eat.  Hope you didn’t burn them yet.”

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[bestfriendforhire]

Children of BFFH, Entry 22

 “Damien, are you done with your studies?” questioned Mom after opening my bedroom door.

 “Whatcha studying on a Saturday?” asked Rona, poking her head around the door.

 “Rona!?  What are you doing here?” I blurted.  Realizing that was a bit rude when Mom frowned at me, I said, “Sorry.  I mean… Hi.  I didn’t know you were coming over today.”

 “My mom got called into work and dad’s out of town this weekend, so I asked if I could come here instead of visiting my cousins.” she explained.  “I can draw or something till you’re finished with school.”

 “You’ve done plenty this week.  Keep your friend company.” suggested Momma Mila.

 I nodded as Rona hopped onto my bed, and the school app closed.

 “You don’t really have to stop, Stormcrow.” she insisted.  “But why do you have school on a Saturday!?”

 “I don’t, exactly.  I was trying to get ahead of Ella.” I admitted.

 Rona blinked and cocked her head to the side as if puzzled.  “But she’s really forgetful, isn’t she!?”

 “She’s also tenacious and remembers anything she’s really focused on doing.  She’s probably the worst at History, but she’s really good at Math and nearly as great as Deo at Art.” I explained, wishing I had a better way of stating how incredible Ella was when she could focus.

 Rona shrugged.  “You’re all ahead of me.  We’re just doing multiplication and division at my school, though we’re supposed to be doing fractions soon.  I don’t have History, but I have Social Studies, where we’re learning about using maps.  Seems dumb when we can just use our phones.”

 “I’ll probably be asking Momma Mila for answers when I’m older than my parents, but I like being able to answer things on my own too.” I told her.  “Besides, we didn’t have any reception in that park.  Being able to find your way in the wild is useful.  Without recognizing terrain, we could get lost even while flying.”

 She shrugged again.  “I guess.  What grade are you in?”

 “Uh… we don’t exactly use grades.  Momma Mila, how would things… you know...“ I started, thankful when she guessed what I was asking.

 “Let’s say seventh grade, since that makes a tidy average.” she replied.

 “Wow.” mouthed Rona, gaping at me.

 I shrugged this time.  “I’m sure Crazy’s equivalent would be the later years in college, and she’s eight.”

 “Yeah, but one of her moms is a computer.  She’s bound to know things.” insisted Rona.

 Resisting the urge to argue both assertions, I said, “Wanna go hang out with some of the others?”

 “Umm…” she mumbled looking around my room.  “I guess.”

 “Momma Mila, who’s free?” I asked.

 “Aspy is currently dungeon delving with a VR rig in the ballroom’s sub-basement, but I’m sure he’d enjoy having help.  My daughter’s technically free, but you might not want to interrupt her.  She’s… experimenting.  Doc’s reading at the moment.  I can check if she’d be interested in joining you.  Deo’s putting the finishing touches on a painting, so I’ll check with him as well.”

 “Ella’s studying, isn’t she.” I stated, certain she was going to pull farther ahead.  Was she trying to catch Deo?

 “With the Somersets out of town again, many of you have opted to do extra studies, adults included.” she replied diplomatically.  “I will inform Ella of where you’ll be in case she wishes to join you.”

 The quadruplets were probably in the lab, making something dangerous.  Rona would feel waaay out of her comfort zone down there.  “What about Messy?” I asked, knowing that Messy could make her way here in no time if she was home..

 “She’s indisposed with Mother at the moment.” replied Momma Mila.

 “Okay.  Thank you!” I told her.  Then I asked Rona “Up for some VR time?”

 “Sure!  I might have to do the control tutorial again.” she warned.

 “Momma Mila, mind telling the others where we’ll be if they decide to join us?” I asked, knowing she wouldn’t mind.

 “Not at all.” she replied.

 “Thank you!” I exclaimed, hopping off my bed.

 After making sure Mom didn’t care, we made the journey to the secondary stairs before descending into the depths.

 “Dungeon delving in a dungeon really is appropriate.” teased Rona when we finally arrived.

 “Wanting to bring the rigs to the keep’s dungeon?” I asked, trying to keep a straight face.

 “No.  If I have to do those stairs again, I’m going to fly.” she insisted, crossing her arms as she stared at me.

 I laughed.  “Okay.  Remember how to put the suit on?”

 “Yep.” she stated, already walking over to take the one with her name on it.

 I quickly got mine on as well.  Then we took our places next to Aspy and entered the game.  We were still creating characters when Doc, Deo, and Ella joined us.  When we finally finished and entered the game, Aspy’s character was waiting in a crude campsite.  Ancient-looking stone walls surrounded us, and a small fire had already made the area a little smokey.

 “Not worried about attracting monsters?” I questioned, already looking around for enemies.

 “I cleared this level already.  The stairs down are over there.” he replied, pointing toward a door.

 “Bleh.  I can taste the smoke.” complained Rona, who had made a tall, muscular woman with black hair for her character.  She leaned on an oversized hammer, which rested against the ground.

 Mine was probably a little short for a guy and certainly thin.  I wanted to play a thief-type character, so I purposefully had made him small enough to squeeze through tight areas.  Aspy was playing a short, blonde-haired girl with a staff, probably some magic user.

 “I put everything into Nature magic, since Momma Mila said none of you took it.” stated Doc, appearing next to us.  Her character looked like herself, but older, making me wonder if that was what she’d actually look like eventually.

 Minutes passed waiting for Deo, but he finally appeared, wearing white robes with blue stripes and silver embroidery. His bald Dwarf had a long, black beard with three woven braids hanging over even more beard.  He had a shield, morningstar, and scale mail.

 “Decided on a tank?” I asked.

 “Tanky healer.” he replied with a broad smile under his bulbous nose.  “Aspy, you’re playing a girl?  I thought the party would be an even split, or I’d have picked a girl.  I had this great idea for a Dwarven woman…”

 Interrupting him, Aspy said, “We really don’t want to wait another ten minutes for you to get her details to your satisfaction, so mind playing the guy?”

 Deo sighed.  “Fine.  Sorry for the wait.  So where are we?”

 Aspy quickly filled us in on his descent into the depths of a collapsed church.  He had been sent here by a local village that had been plagued by strange creatures of late.  I was certain there were tons of details being left out, given how in-depth these games always were, but I was looking forward to fighting stuff.