#and in the end it's like everything conspired against me to keep me from it

[gamebunny-advance]

*Sigh*

I was really looking forward to Art Fight this year because I've never done it before. I wanted to do it because I thought it would give me something to do. An excuse to draw things that weren't NSR or Kun3h0 for a bit. I just wanted to have fun with it.

But since natural disaster took me out for half of the event time, and other life stuff kinda piling up, I've just got no motivation to do it anymore. If I start now, I'll feel like I'm rushing to participate for the sake of itself rather than having fun with it like I originally wanted.

I'll try to do revenges for the attacks I got, and maybe a couple of the ones I bookmarked before the month ends, but I really didn't get to experience this event the way I wanted to.

[writtenapoiogy]

need; jacaerys velaryon

pairing: jacaerys velaryon x f!reader

summary: you need your husband real bad. PWP

word count: 1.2k

warnings: nsfw, 18+, smut, MINORS DNI, PORN WITHOUT PLOT (honestly just to get something out), oral (m receiving), penetrative sex, unprotected sex, dirty talk if you squint, making out, high valyrian used (translation is at the end of the dialogue), JACE IS VOCAL AND I STAND ON THAT THAT MAN CAN NAWT KEEP QUIET!

a/n: SORRY FOR ANY ERRORS ITS 2AM I'm ngl i feel like this is BAD

“I show her my worth and within a week she is conspiring with a strange woman,” Jace complained as he stormed into your chambers. He had been trying so hard to get his mother to see that he was a worthy and useful pawn in this war but to no avail.

“Husband-,” You started.

“She cannot keep me locked awa-,” Jace continued, cutting you off.

“Jacaerys!” You shouted in merely a whine. You hadn’t laid with your husband in nearly two weeks. You craved and desired him more than you thought was humanly possible.

Whatever Jace was about to say completely flew out of his mind. His eyes were on you immediately. His attention was solely on you. He felt his cock harden at the tone in which you spoke his name. He strutted over to you with speed.

“We must be hard at work on creating an heir.” You say to try and keep his mind off the war. He tended to hold way more on his shoulders than he really needed to.

“An heir?”

“I know in the middle of a war may not be the best time however we could always practice.” You walked closer to him and untied the robe you were wearing.

At that moment, Jacaerys realized you in fact were only wearing a robe.

“Practice?” Jace spoke with such a tantalizing tone. He smirked at you as he parted open your robe, exposing you to him.

You had your hands on his face and brought him close, til he was mere meters away from your face. “I am in desperate need of you, Husband.”

Jacaerys growled and laid his mouth to yours in a sloppy open-mouthed kiss. You had your hands roughly intertwined in his hair. Only moans and saliva were being exchanged between your mouths.

He quickly helped rid you of the robe then lightly shoved you onto the bed. His sword belt fell to the floor along with the rest of his clothes in front of you as he undressed himself. You couldn’t help but admire him in all his glory. He was truly beautiful. You were lucky to call him your husband.

Jace followed you into the bed once he shed off his attire. His mouth was all over you in seconds. Nibbling on your ear lobe. Trailing kisses from your jawline, down your neck, all over your chest. He grazed his palm over your nipple, causing you to arch against his palm. He gripped the breast that was under his hand as he brought his mouth down to your other breast.

You wrung your fingers through as Jacaerys began to lick and suck your nipple eliciting delicious noises from you. “Jace.” You called out your lover’s name.

He dragged his teeth lightly along your nipple as he pulled away. You pulled him down to resume your kiss and he eagerly complied. You both opened your mouths for the other. Allowing your tongues to dance with each other.

Jacaerys was in complete awe of his wife. You were everything to him. Your touch. Your lips. Your everything, made him feel like he was being set aflame by dragon fire. You ran your fingers through his curls and tugged. He groaned against into your mouth.

You pulled your head back, out of breath. “Move.”

“Pardon?” Jacaerys genuinely looked offended, but you knew he was just being devilish.

You rolled your eyes at him, “Lay against the headboard.”

Jacaerys complied and you gave him one last kiss before you crawled down him, hovering over his aching red cock. You kissed the tip before kissing all the way down his member. You licked a stripe from the base of his cock to the tip, leaving Jacaerys shuddering.

You pulled away and blew cool air against the wet head before leaving a chaste kiss. His hand landed on the back of your neck as he jutted his hips. His wet cock slid up against the side of your face and he let out a lewd moan at the feeling of some friction.

“Please.” He breathed.

You began to bob your head up and down his length. Jace let out sounds that made a heat take over your body and a knot form in your stomach. He sounded so divine. You could feel yourself grow wetter and wetter from each noise that left his mouth.

Spit began to drip from your chin. You loved pleasing your husband. He deserved nothing less. He was a mess above you and it made you feel like you were on fire. You didn’t let up. Obscene sounds taking over the quiet room.

Jace’s hands hovered over the back of your head, resisting the urge to take control. He threw his hands down and gripped the sheets. He started to gasp and couldn’t help himself. He wrapped his hand around your hair and guided you down his cock til he heard you gag. “I’m sorry.” He panted as he let up.

“It’s okay.” You said after you pulled off of him and wiped your chin. You crawled over him. your wet and warm cunt hovered over his cock and you let him slide through your folds. You crashed your lips on his before the two of you could make any noises.

At the same time you both reached down to help align him with your entrance. You giggled against his lips. “Seems like I’m not the only desperate one.” Your last word came out in a gasp. Jace had pushed you down on his cock, completely.

You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and began to find a pace. Moving up and down your husband’s cock. Jacaerys was gasping and moaning into your neck. You weren’t exactly being quiet either, whining into his ear.

“Jace. Fuck!” You picked up your pace feeling that familiar knot in your stomach so close to bursting. You sat up straight and ground your hips, finding the perfect angle. Your clit was rubbing against his stomach and his cock was hitting that soft spot deep inside of you.

“I know, ñuha jorrāelagon. I can feel it.” Jace ran his hands up your stomach and over your breasts and the up to the back of your neck. His touch felt like no other. My love.

“Oh, Jace!” Your orgasm ripped through you like a wave crashes against the shore during high tide. Your body began to tremble as your heat clamped down on Jace leaving him breathless.

Jacaerys flipped the two of you over as your body still shook from your orgasm. He bit his lip trying to control the sounds leaving his mouth. The pulsing of your cunt was slightly overwhelming for your husband.

He continued to pump his cock in you. It didn’t take much for him to reach his peak too. Watching you below him. Breathing heavily with half-lidded eyes staring up at him. He came with a whine that trailed off into a groan. He shot his hot seed inside of you and your walls clenched around him. You wanted to keep him and his come inside of you.

As Jace went to pull out you wrapped your legs around him. “Wait.”

He looked at you with an upside-down smile and plopped down on top of you. He placed soft kisses on your jaw and whispered sweet nothings in your ear. Jace just said over and over again how much he loved you. How he couldn’t wait for the war to be over so you could finally begin your life together.

[calisources]

𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐁𝐈𝐃𝐃𝐄𝐍 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐐𝐔𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒.

All sentences and quotes have been taken from different media about starcrossed lovers or forbidden love, full of angst, some bold words, some nasty ones, possessive nature and letting someone use you as a replacement. So, some toxic energy in this one. Change pronouns, locations and names as you see fit.

I love you,and I will love you until I die,and if there's a life after that,I'll love you then.

Do people always fall in love with things they can't have?

And there is a difference between having your heart break and having your soul shatter.

I'm falling in love with you.

I'm going to fuck the shit out of you. I have waited for this for such a long time. Consequences be damned.

These violent delights have violent ends.

 I’m only human. And you are …all-consuming.

Don’t go into this lightly. If you’re mine, you need to understand I will burn the fucking world to the ground for you.

I will never let you go, do you hear me? 

 will keep you safe. And I will find a way for us to be together.

If you make me cry at my own coronation ball, I’ll never forgive you.

If you were any less the man you are, I would beg you to take me with you.

If you were any less the woman you were, I would beg you to come with me.

I've known lust. This is something worse. This is a barbaric need to possess, to eliminate, to own. This is madness.

This is lust.

She’s your very own forbidden fruit.

You said you didn't want this.

We all desire what we cannot have.

Have you noticed how the boy looks at you?

Do you think I didn’t notice? The way you look at me when you think I’m not watching?

You are dangerous desire, and I am your prisoner.

We can’t do this on so many levels.

I can't even whisper her name, my heart would burst out of my chest.

But I would fight against the stars for you.

I have ruined your life.

Some lines you just don't cross. 

I want to take you under the moonlight.

Having something forbidden is exciting, don't you agree?

The closer we get—the more I let you in…the more dangerous this gets.

Don’t you get it? You’re what everyone wants! But I’m not going to let them win.

Make it so I never have to dream about this again—make it so we can have this…forever.

Desires are what can most easily ruin us, lovely.

We were doomed from the start. 

Nothing is as deadly as the love of a powerful man.

But this kiss? It's ruined me. This is the type of kiss I never knew existed. 

You sure about that, Dad? Because he's done everything to me.

Are you scared of me now?

You loved me - then what right had you to leave me?

I have not broken your heart - you have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine.

One moment, you give me everything that I want, and in the next, you snatch all of that away.

It's hopeless. We can never work out.

The world didn’t want us together so I forged a new one where we would.

How could a peacock lust for a lion?

You're tattooed onto my skin, and the more I try to erase you, the deeper you sink in.

I’ve always liked you, from the first moment I saw you.

It's absurd how crazy love can make you...but even more absurd how stupid jealousy can make you.

 That you and I are meant to be together, but never meant to be.

Why does fate seem always to conspire against us? To deny us life's simple pleasures?

We'll meet after this war. I'll certainly find you wherever you'll hide. 

War makes fools of men and women wanton.

What offends you most, Father? That she's Catholic, or that she's poor?

If my father discovers you here, he'd cut off your little nuts and eat them. He can't stand you.

You tempress, I see you once and all I can think of is having you.

Feelings are forbidden, does not mean we cannot enjoy one another.

The more you deny me, the more I desire you. You are a plague in my mind.

Ever since we met, no one else can compare. 

How can I be with someone else, when I’m with them, it’s you I see.

You can have me, think of whoever you love. For tonight.

You can pretend I'm her/him. I don't care. I just want you.

[xclowniex]

Its crazy how so quickly, people from the pro palestine crowd are moving to silence the joy of the hostages being brought home.

I have gotten about 10 asks going "what about the dead civilians you probably don't care that they are dead"

And the thing is, it is bad and a tradegy that more palestinians civlians are dead. It also is not a bad thing for people to be happy that the hostages are brought home.

Since people are seeming to want a more nuanced take, here it is.

The hostages were found in civilian homes. That doesn't tell us much as whilst they are civilian homes, we have no clue who was occupying those homes with the hostages. There are 3 options

Hamasniks

Civilians who conspire with Hamas

Civilians who were forced by Hamas to keep the hostages

In all 3 cases, Hamas has committed a war crime by turning a civilian area into a military base/base adjacent by having the hostages kept there. Like it is literally against international law. The UN has even said before that Hamas does this and it is a war crime.

In the eyes of international law, Hamas is at fault for every civilian death due to the hostages being brought home. Why? Because it is expected as a fact of war, that it is pretty much impossible to carry out a military operation around civilians and not have any civilian casulties.

It also begs the question, whose life is more valuable, palestinian lives or jewish lives? and the answer is none. They are both equally as valuable. Which brings in more nuance of the fact that a country is responsible to do everything it can within reason, to protect its civilians, which is what Israel is doing with its military operations. It is very sad that Hamas is not doing the same as if they did, there would be less civilian deaths.

This is not me saying "the deaths were needed or good" as that is not what I am saying. What I am saying is that it is a complicated topic as for there to be no civilian deaths at the hands of the IDF, the hostages have to remain in captivity and likely end up being killed. If the IDF did nothing, the hostages would be dead due to inaction and if they did do something (which they did) palestinian civilians are now dead.

Essentially it is a horrible situation to be in for all parties involved and due to the nuance in it, I do have mixed feelings. Ideally I wish the hostages were brought home without any deaths. I wish no palestinians have died due to the war, however frankly that is not realistic and is actually something I struggle with which is why I have only limited my posts about the joy of the hostages being brought home as out of all of this, what I am happy about, is that the hostages are now home safe.

What i will say last is, it is truly terrible the situation we are in with having to sacrifce one groups lives over another and it is also truly terrible that palestinian civilians have been killed.

[a-sock-in-a-sandal]

What is happening in Czechia right now - heavy rains and floods

So as a Czech citizen I felt like saying something about it here so here you go, it's mostly my experiences and some official data.

For context, the first week of September 2024 (2nd to 8th) in Czechia was a burning hell - the temperatures were around 30°C or even above for the entire week. Some schools even ended their classes earlier because of the hot weather - they usually ended before afternoon when the weather was worst. So when we found out that everything will stop the next week, we got happy. We were told the temperatures are gonna get under 20°C, sometimes above, but usually under, it's gonna rain and it's gonna get windy.

All of it happened. The first few days of this week (plus maybe the weekend of the previous one) were chilly, windy, and cloudy - it did sometimes rain, but usually only for a few hours a day. Sooner it started to rain more, for more hours a day, somewhere even for the entire day.

But then the Czech government scheduled an emergency meeting because they were worried about the rains - and they had a reason to. Such rains could cause major floods that already happened in Czechia twice. So they didn't want to waste any time on preparing.

The weather progressively got worse - in my region, it rained the whole day for like three days and it is still raining now. The wind is strong and cold and the temperatures are very chilly. I live right next to a stream at the lowest part of my village in lowlands and the water has risen a few meters (like 2 or so).

The worst situation is in Moravia, which is where I live, but where I am it is still good, only heavy rains and the water levels rising but not as much as to cause a trouble - however there is a few places in my village where it is completely underwater, but not anyone's house or cellar. But Northern Moravia/Silesia is flooded, especially parts like Jeseníky and Opava. The more it gets on west the better it is, mostly a few regions on the north-west are the safest ones. It is usually the Karlovarský/Ústecký and maybe a piece of Plzeňský kraj that is safe.

Most events got cancelled and/or delayed due to bad weather and flood warnings. However the schools are still opened, and it's kind of a meme between students that "we're gonna kayak into our schools on Monday!" Electricity stopped working at many places, including my village. When I woke up today there were firefighters in my street but nobody knows why but I heard that someone's cellar might be flooded.

Our Czech subreddit r/Czech is "flooded" (I couldn't help myself) with maps of flood situation and tips on what to do in case you have e.g. an animal in floodplains. If you switch on the news channel ČT24, you get 24/7 segments and reports from different parts of Czechia, interviews with meteorologists, politicians talking about it and such. Most channels stream as normal but there are some emergency broadcasts. Social media is filled with it.

However, there is a group of mostly older people who are those old conspirators and are strongly against our government because their favourite politician isn't the prime minister (the situation is more complicated but that's enough for this), and they claim that all this is fake and "it's actually to keep people at home before elections (there are ones to happen soon) so they can't meet and talk about the politics", or that "it's a punishment for sending help to Ukraine" (Czechia has sent a lot of help there and these people are mad for some reason) and such. It makes me sick because some people already died and many are injured and many homes can be destroyed.

Czechia has already had two major floods in the near past - in 1997 there were ones in Prague and in 2002 over the entire Czechia. They were catastrophic, people died and were injured and lost homes. So that's why everyone is scared and the government tries very hard to keep us safe.

I already shared my experience, but I just talked on a group chat with my friends from different villages in my region so here goes what I found:

Electricity is out on most places because it is flooded near some important place for electricity

Plenty of places are flooded with like 10-20 cm water, people can still walk in it and some cars drive in it

A football pitch right next to a stream in my village is completely flooded, only the nets are visible

Plenty of bridges are closed and plenty of them are also underwater

We're debating whether or not our school is gonna be closed since most of us take bus to school and we don't know if it would be able to arrive, plus electricity isn't working in the town where we have school, but we'll still see, we didn't receive any news about the school closing

It's starting to get clear (less cloudy) as I'm typing this but I hope it'll get better, the rain is not as heavy as it was

I just hope it's gonna get better ❤️ I'll update you tomorrow or even today if anything major happens

[blackbirdsblackberries]

Don't drink the Kool-Aid pt.1

I'll create a tag list if people want to be tagged. There's a meaning behind Savior Anwir's name! This chapter is a bit short considering it's technically a prologue.

Your day is a boring loop yet one you’ve grown to love.

You wake up, get ready for the day, wait in line for your tray of shitty food, sit with your “team”, finish eating. 

During the morning you spend your time exercising until you’re about to collapse. This will end around lunchtime in which you’ll get your lunch delivered to wherever you are in the place. Afterwards you are expected to show your devotion to your higher-ups, your family, your saviors. The rest of the day you either practice combat or defense.

Tiring as it might be, it was your life and you loved it. 

You don’t remember your life before joining Savior Anwir in her division of the Daughters of Eve. The division is based in Gotham City, a place even the devil himself had abandoned. Atleast, that’s what you’ve been told. 

You see, you’re not allowed out of the confines of the estate. It’s too dangerous, what if men take you away and use you? What if you get lost? What if you accidentally get killed? It’s terrifying to think of and keeps you away from the outside world.

Today however things have gone a bit differently, after showing devotion to your saviors you and everyone else is herded to the main hall - which was just the foyer area. This only happens when they take on new members. 

Will they be mean? Would they be overjoyous? There’s so many options and you don’t like any of them, you don’t like new people or change, you like how everything is now.

You take your place in the second row. 

The first row is for kids, the second for teens, the third for young adults, the fourth for adults, and the fifth for people over that age.

Savior Anwir stands atop the stairs in front of everyone, two people next to her. 

One is a girl with blonde hair, tanned skin and striking blue eyes, she’s in a purple hoodie and black leggings. The other is a girl with short black hair, brown eyes and beautiful clear skin, she herself is in a blackish gray graphic t-shirt and light gray sweatpants.

People start to murmur, a teammate of yours turns to you. 

“They seem off, right?” You don’t know why she’s asking you. Frankly, you don’t care, your team is full.

“I guess, but they seem nice enough.” Is all you say, no point in conspiring against people who haven’t even been in your presence for more than a minute.

The murmurs die down as soon as Savior Anwir raises her hands.

“Now, I understand everyone is excited for new sisters to be joining us,” Savior Anwir glances at the two beside her as if silently asking if she’s correct to call them sisters. Savior Anwir doesn’t actually care, she is simply doing it to make them seem more welcomed - you’ve been around long enough to know that.

She continues.

“But we must calm down and not cause strain on their mental capacities!” Savior Anwir puts a hand on either girl’s shoulders. “Please, introduce yourselves.”

The blonde one speaks up first “I’m Stephanie but everyone can call me Steph!” She seems energetic and like she doesn’t truly belong here.

The other one doesn’t speak up. Steph chuckles and speaks up again “This is Cassandra, you can just call her Cass! She’s mute.” Mutism is common here due to many people coping by not speaking at all. That’s probably why she’s mute, she was attacked and now chooses to be mute!

Right? Right.

Silence envelops the room then and you don't miss how Steph awkwardly looks around as if expecting applause - something you will not do until Savior Anwir says so.

Savior Anwir nods. "Thank you girls, you are very lucky to be joining today, it just so happens we've found some of our trainees have been plotting against us. So we have openings for you!"

You raise a brow, who would be so stupid to plot against your own family? The very family that graciously took you in and nurtured you, protected you and showed you true love.

Savior Anwir holds her hands out. "The two traitors who have decided they do not love us are none other than Mary Hailstone and Annie Malcomb! Please, come up here and shake hands with your replacements!"

You freeze, Mary and Annie belonged to your team, you three were as close as people get in this cult. They wouldn't of betrayed you... Right?

You watch as the two slowly ascend the staircase, heads down and hands shaking.

When you betray DoE there is only one punishment.

Mary and Annie both shake hands with Steph and Cass before Savior Anwir hands the traitors a gun each.

They had a choice, shoot each other or shoot themselves. They chose themselves.

You watch as Steph's eyes widen in horror and Cass's eyebrows twitch slightly.

You suppose you should pick up on little things they do now considering they'll be your new team members...

[nayziiz]

Disturbed | OP81

Pairing: Oscar Piastri x reader (she/her)

Author's note: I'm trying something a little bit different with shorter form fics, so please send through any requests or feedback. These one shots will likely not have a second part unless it really speaks to me to continue with it. Thank you!

Masterlist

In the high-stakes world of motorsports, where the roar of engines drowned out all other sounds and the smell of burning rubber hung heavy in the air, Oscar stood as a beacon of unwavering determination. His name was synonymous with calm and resilience, his reputation forged on the anvil of countless hard-fought battles on-track and defying odds by helping keep his team in the running for third in the Constructors Championship. From the moment he first strapped himself into the driver's seat, Oscar had possessed an indomitable spirit that seemed impervious to the twists and turns of the race track.

Race after race, he pushed himself and his car to the very limit in pursuit of glory. Whether navigating treacherous hairpin turns or duelling wheel-to-wheel with his rivals, Oscar never backed down from a challenge. His resolve was unyielding, a relentless force that propelled him forward, even in the face of seemingly insurmountable obstacles.

But for all his unwavering determination, there were moments when he faltered too. It was on one particularly gruelling race day that the cracks in his armour began to show. Everything seemed to conspire against him – mechanical issues, strategic missteps, and a relentless onslaught of bad luck. Each setback chipped away at his confidence, threatening to unravel the very fabric of his resolve.

As the race wore on and Oscar's fortunes continued to decline, a sense of despair settled over him like a suffocating blanket. Doubt crept into his mind, gnawing away at his confidence and sowing seeds of uncertainty. For the first time in his career, he found himself teetering on the brink of defeat, his once unshakable resolve shaken to its core.

Amidst the chaos of the pit lane and the cacophony of roaring engines, there was one constant that anchored Oscar's fraying sanity – her. She was the quiet strength in his corner, the steady presence that never wavered, no matter how tumultuous the storm. Her belief in him was unwavering, a beacon of light cutting through the darkness of doubt.

With each passing lap, she mumbled quiet prayers in the garage. She was his rock, his anchor in the storm, her unwavering support a lifeline in his darkest hour. And though he struggled to find solace in the midst of defeat, he knew that as long as she stood by his side, he would never truly be alone.

As the chequered flag finally fell and the race came to an end, Oscar found himself staring down the bitter taste of defeat. But in the arms of the one who had stood by him through it all, he discovered a glimmer of hope amidst the wreckage of his shattered dreams.

“Oscar, listen to me,” she said, her voice cutting through the chaos of the post-race pit lane like a beacon of clarity. “I know things didn’t go as planned, but you've got this. You've faced tougher challenges before, and you've always come out on top. This is just another step to reaching the top.”

He glanced over at her, his eyes searching for reassurance in the midst of his turmoil.

“But what if this time is different? What if I've finally met my match?” he asked, his voice tinged with uncertainty.

She reached out and gently took his hand, her touch a comforting presence in the midst of his turmoil.

“You're Oscar Piastri,” she said, her voice unwavering. “You're one of the most talented drivers out there, and nothing – not even a bad race – can change that. You have the skill, the determination, and the heart to overcome anything that comes your way.”

In the aftermath of defeat, Oscar realised that his strength did not lie solely in his ability to conquer adversity, but in his capacity to accept defeat with grace and humility. And though the road ahead may be fraught with challenges, he knew that as long as she stood by his side, he would always find the courage to carry on. For in her unwavering support, he found the resilience to rise from the ashes of defeat and chase his dreams once more.

[rose-tea-and-strawberries]

Do you think that the fab five have their own favourite ships between Yuu and the twst boys? I somehow get the feeling that Daisy doesn’t actually have a preference, she just loves the chaos and gossip.

So I'm going to turn the Fab Five into the Sensational Six because I feel Pluto would like to add his own two cents into this:

Mickey Mouse: he just wants a break, you know? He thought that the most stress he'd get from running the club would be Pete's constant sabotage, the odd villain being up to no good, and Professor Von Drake being so irritatingly pompous. Yuu is such a sweet girl and he loves her a lot (he also really wishes Walt could have met her) - he's the founder and chairmouse of the Yuu Protection Club - but ever since she joined the club, his life has gone to both be both better and worse - yes, everyone is so much more better behaved and their solidarity in all things Yuu related is a breath of fresh air but then there's *gestures to everything*! You'd think that being almost a century old could have prepared him for one teenaged girl but he's broken out the wheel more times in a fortnight than he has in the years that club has been running. Between the petty insults, underhanded tactics and full on shouting matches that leads to destruction (and some of it coming from the heroes no less) as well as Yuu's own obliviousness regarding the situation, his fur is going to go grey - not to mention, the constant texts he'd get from Felicity and Oswald over how they want to meet their new niece (as if they haven't already kidnapped her that one day). I feel like he'd prefer a heroic character but he doesn't have anything against the villains at NRC because he knows with absolute certainty that they all do genuinely care for her. But at the end of the day, he just wants Yuu to be happy so who ever she decides would be fine by him - as long as they never hurt her :)

Minnie Mouse: okay so I'm going to say Neige. Here me out: while she is neutral on the shipping war, and is the one to reel everything in when it gets too crazy, she does have some of fondness for the boy that reminds her of her favourite Disney character. Yeah, she and Mickey say they don't play favourites but there's no doubt that they definitely hold a soft spot for the very first Disney princess/character and the main character of the first animated feature film (especially when you consider the history behind that movie and what it meant for Disney/Walt). she wouldn't want to admit it but watching Yuu's lovelife is kind of her guilty pleasure

Pluto: Probably Jack - you know, canine solidarity and all that. To be fair, I think he'd be split between being protective of Yuu and being jealous that Yuu would spend less time with him (I HC that there was a time that he was jealous of Minnie when she and Mickey would go on dates because he thought he was Mickey's number one). Would probably be conspiring with Donald to keep everyone away from her.

Goofy: He just wants her to be happy :D. No seriously, I don't want to make the 'Goofy is dumb' statement because he isn't - he's just a bit oblivious sometimes and we love him for it - but he has absolutely no idea that the shipping war is happening. He's just so happy that Maxy has a new friend and that he could look after Yuu while she works at the club ♡

Donald Duck: Absolutely Not! I get the feeling that after Goofy, Donald is the most dad-like (I haven't seen either of the Ducktales shows so I can't comment on his behaviour there) - like, I remember how sweet he was to Max during that one episode where he wanted a car and how he stood up to Goofy to tell him to stop being so overprotective. Plus, I feel like he's really distrustful of villains so the NRC boys being who they are probably won't earn any pointers from the sailor duck who isn't afraid to use his navy training.

Daisy Duck: is just absolutely loving this - there's more gossip during one night at the club than there is in a week at her salon! Like you said, she doesn't have a preference. She'll just take a seat next to Kuzco and ooh and aah at all of the tea she gets from Tinkerbell.

Thanks for the ask ♡

[calliesmemes]

DARKNESS STILL HAUNTS YOUR NARRATIVE

ASSORTED ASKBOX PROMPTS from various sources with dark and / or unsettling themes. The ominous feeling from before is still there, and its prominence has only grown …

* TRIGGERING THEMES MAY BE PRESENT, such as death, wealth inequality, and war. Please exercise caution and curate your space accordingly.

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed

SPECIFY muse for multimuses

❛ When I look at a person, I see a person — not a rank, not a class, not a title. ❜

❛ What a strange girl you are. ❜

❛ History is written by the rich, and so the poor get blamed for everything. ❜

❛ I could corrupt you. It would be easy. ❜

❛ How many centuries deep is your wound? ❜

❛ You’ll be remembered more for what you destroy than what you create. ❜

❛ Bitter are the wars between brothers. ❜

❛ Power comes with a price. ❜

❛ Your power might destroy you if you don’t learn to control it. ❜

❛ I’m not going to let you anywhere near a battlefield! ❜

❛ War is sweet to those who have never fought. ❜

❛ Cowardice is everywhere in this country. ❜

❛ Which appeals to you more? Power, or love? ❜

❛ Inside my head, the war is everywhere. ❜

❛ You look like your grief and guilt and rage are eating you alive, bit by bit. ❜

❛ Good and evil are a question of perspective. ❜

❛ The only difference between martyrdom and suicide is the press coverage. ❜

❛ Your place is at home; you will fight another day. ❜

❛ How many more children do we have to sacrifice in this war? ❜

❛ When you talk to the dead, the dead will talk back. They’re always there, even if you can’t hear them. ❜

❛ I am half child, half ancient. ❜

❛ You’re like me. You’ve seen too much, too young. ❜

❛ Every word from your mouth, every turn of phrase, will be judged — and possibly used against you. ❜

❛ I prefer the most unfair peace over the most righteous war. ❜

❛ A love like ours could burn down a city. ❜

❛ In my experience, men only call women ‘mad’ when they are doing something inconvenient. ❜

❛ I will do anything to keep you safe from harm. ❜

❛ You wield an incredible amount of power with just your voice. ❜

❛ You know, everything old can be made new again. Like democracy. ❜

❛ You laugh like a little girl, and think like a martyr. ❜

❛ What is a home if not the first place you learn to run from? ❜

❛ Do you understand what it means when you have nowhere else to turn? ❜

❛ The war is never over. ❜

❛ We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it. ❜

❛ I dream of the past as if it were yet to come. ❜

❛ You have endured terrible suffering, haven’t you? ❜

❛ Your beauty terrifies me. ❜

❛ This is war — you never know who’s listening. ❜

❛ This is a land of dreams and madness, where childrens’ stories come to life. ❜

❛ The Earth is littered with the ruins of empires that believed they were eternal. ❜

❛ I’ll never get used to being alive. ❜

❛ We’ve been fighting this battle for too long. ❜

❛ We swore we’d never bow to tyranny. ❜

❛ Young men fall, I see their agony. ❜

❛ We all carry things inside us that no one else can see. ❜

❛ Your suffering can’t end until you stop identifying with it. ❜

❛ You have to be a bit of a liar to tell the story the right way. ❜

❛ I’m so afraid of losing something I love that I refuse to love anything. ❜

❛ You collect scars because you want proof that you’re paying for whatever sins you’ve committed. ❜

❛ You can escape reality, but you can’t escape the consequences of escaping reality. ❜

❛ Is that all you want to be? Liked? Wouldn’t you rather be passionately and voraciously desired? ❜

❛ Sorrow found me when I was young. ❜

❛ The very heavens conspire against me! ❜

❛ Do you like the person that you’ve become under the weight of living? ❜

❛ The evil that men do lives on long after they themselves have gone. ❜

❛ You are not safe here. ❜

❛ I don’t know any places I can hide from the voices that are tearing me apart from the inside. ❜

❛ I am not a legend; I’m a fraud. ❜

❛ Destiny is a worrying concept. I don’t want to be fated; I want to choose. ❜

❛ I am not merciful, and I am not kind. ❜

❛ Until the lion learns how to write, every story will glorify the hunter. ❜

❛ Vulnerability is courage in you and inadequacy in me. ❜

❛ You cannot save people. You can only love them. ❜

❛ This isn’t going to be like last time. ❜

[writteninlunarlight-years]

Sedated

Adam x Reader

TW: Pervy Adam, Guardian Angels, Reader unknowingly being watched, Self-touch, masturbation, Desires, obsession, clumsy ass reader

How we ended up here was beyond either of our wildest dreams. Adam had fallen from grace, desperate to prove his worth and reclaim his place in heaven. The added bonus of watching over you—a strikingly mundane mortal—was just a silver lining to his celestial punishment. For you, however, life felt like an endless loop of monotony, each day blending into the next in a haze of dull routines. 

In the mortal realm, chaos reigned, and you secretly blamed Lucifer for the mess. But today wasn’t about the cosmic battles of good and evil; it was about dragging yourself through another tedious nine-to-five, chained to the soul-sucking machinery of corporate America. After work, you’d immerse yourself in true crime documentaries, the only thrill in your otherwise drab existence, before collapsing into bed to muster the energy for another day.

Adam’s fall from grace had been ironic—a small, devilish woman had orchestrated his demise. Yet, the prospect of redemption as your guardian angel offered him a flicker of hope. He had vowed to keep you safe, ensuring that you remained blissfully unaware of the unseen chaos swirling around you. 

Yet you were no spark of entertainment; your life was a tedious boring cycle. You worked, ate, and binge-watched TV shows like every other soul on the planet. But beneath the surface, you harbored a darker side, a flicker of rebellion that emerged during your worst days. Perhaps that was why Adam had been assigned to you—there was little danger in your life, just a series of mundane tasks punctuated by occasional enjoyable nights.

On this particular day, fate had conspired against you. You had slept through your work alarm, and slept blissfully unaware of the fire alarm also blaring in your apartment complex. Adam, in a state of panic, had done everything possible to intervene without alerting anyone else. With a gentle but firm push, he nudged you out of bed, waking you in a daze. 

Draped in a sheer silk nightgown and a fluffy robe, you rushed downstairs, only to find the fire marshal casually informing you that it was just a tripped wire. As you and Adam exchanged simultaneous facepalms, he couldn’t help but marvel at your ability to sleep through the chaos—and his own lack of foresight in checking the building.

Once back in your apartment, the reality of your tardiness dawned on you. Groaning, you scrambled to get dressed. In Adam’s misguided attempt to help, he had placed your shoes near the door, leading you to trip and smack your head against the wall. With a growing bruise on your forehead and a now-lost security deposit, you bolted out the door.

The day continued its downward spiral. Your coffee was scalding hot, burning your tongue. A passing truck sent a wave of mud splattering across your clothes. The elevator in your office building was out of order, forcing you to climb nineteen flights of stairs in heels, your patience wearing thinner with each step.

Meanwhile, Adam was feeling the strain, too. He had never seen you in such a chaotic state, and while he had been tasked with keeping you safe, his interventions seemed to lead you into misfortune. When Jacob, your overly friendly coworker, got too close, you found yourself tumbling into Sarah’s lap, laughter erupting around you, the workplace gossip already brewing.

The copy machine malfunctioned, resulting in an ink explosion that painted you from head to toe. And when you attempted to sneak into the men’s bathroom—desperate for some privacy due to the womens bathroom being out of order—you ended up trapped as every male coworker seemed to have an urgent need. 

By the time you returned home, you needed a serious reset. A long shower and some quality "me time" were in order. As you prepared a quick meal, doom-scrolling through your phone, you felt the weight of the day begin to lift. After a quick tidy-up, you retreated to your room, pulling out your feel-good essentials.

Adam, watching from his hidden vantage point, felt a thrill of anticipation. He knew what was coming. As you slipped into the shower, an ethereal glow enveloped you, and he settled into the cozy corner of your room, entranced by the thought of what was soon to come. 

You emerged from the bathroom, a vision of perfection, your hair cascading around your shoulders. Adam’s breath hitched as you moved with an alluring grace, pulling out your toys with an enticing casualness that sent his heart racing. 

The moment you climbed into bed, he felt a primal urge wash over him. As you began to explore your own body, he mirrored your movements, his hand working in tandem with yours against his own body. Each sigh and moan that escaped your lips tugged at his very soul, igniting a deep yearning within him.

Taking his weeping cock in hand he sighed as he watched you lean back and run your hand across your body. He began soft slow strokes keeping in time with your touches and caresses.

As your hand dipped over your chest and down your stomach, feeling yourself, his breath hitched. He almost whined at the thought of burying his head in your heat. How sweet you must taste with how much of you was soaking your precious folds.

One hand of yours spread your folds open, displaying your pretty pink hole, while the other rubbed your pert nipples. He was in awe at how every time you did this, it was like he was watching you the first time. Like he was a child learning what sex really was. How could one person look so damn good doing something so sinful?

He sped up his pace on his cock as he watched your pretty fingers dive in. Oh, how he knew his length could reach places far deeper than those pretty little fingers. You struggled to attempt to touch where you needed relief, where he knew in a few languid strokes he could have you seeing stars.

As you moaned and panted, Adam could only imagine if it was him making those sounds come from you. If you were begging for him and whining out his name so softly. Gripping on his thick arms, bouncing with his pace, eyes crossed and overwhelmed.

He watched as minutes passed by, your fingers abused your tight hole and sensitive bud. He was eager to watch the next part unfold. As you turned on your toy, he watched your hole clench around nothing. A deep groan left him as he imagined that tight clench around his large length.

As you slowly rubbed the toy along yourself, making it nice and wet, he licked his lips, his red tip pulsing with the need for more than his hand. He wished for you to come over and blow him till your throat was sore or even just let him abuse your cunt. He desired nothing more than to not be a figment in your life but a passionate lover as he made you realize who you really belonged to.

However, as the toy slid in and you let out the softest more whorish moan, he was a goner. He was pounding his cock, whispering your name under his breath, hoping that maybe this would connect you two better. He was pussy whipped, and he hadn't even had the chance to physically take you yet.

If you could fuck yourself so good like this, you were definitely worth the first man's dick. He watched as the toy was slowly sucked into your greedy hole, and he was jerking into his hand. He wanted to keep up with your pace and learn exactly how you liked it; however, the languid bounce of your tits and heightened moans only made him lose control as he stroked his length harder.

You looked and sounded so beautiful, so amazingly hot and gorgeous. He wanted to be the one making you beg like this, not some silicone toy. However, as you built yourself up to climax, he also began to see white as he spilled over his large hand. A low groan of your name was barely heard by you.

Adam's thick white cum was covering his hand and robes as he looked at your pretty legs shake from your orgasm. He was whipped, to say the least, at this point. He stood resituating himself, what he would give for you to use that mouth to clean him up slowly.

At first, this may have started with him wanting to become an angel again, but now his goal is to get you to heaven with him so he can really show you a good time and let his name fall from your pretty lips. All he knew now, as time passed, was that he wouldn't be Sedated till he finally had you in his arms.

[writing-house-of-m]

Walk out

Leigh Shaw x Reader

Warnings: Not edited

Word count: 651

Summary: Everything works out for Leigh eventually

A/N: Based on this request. I don't know why people always want Leigh to be sad...

"Don't you dare walk out that door!" Leigh shouts at your back while you have one hand on the door handle.

You sigh defeatedly and turn back to face her, "It's already over Leigh, you won."

"So after everything you're just going to walk away?" Leigh asks.

You sigh then turn your attention back to the table you walked away from. It's a little embarrassing that this is happening in front of Leigh's mother and sister.

"What do you want me to do?"

Jules looks back and forth as she shares some of her popcorn with Amy who is doing the same. Maybe you should charge them for this entertainment.

"It's not like I'm going to flip the board. The rest of my money is there, you can take it all, I'm going to go watch TV," you say.

Before you can turn to leave again you hear Leigh laugh, "Come on baby, don't be a sore loser and sit with us for the rest of the game," she whines. Her clinginess recently has been a welcome change. "Just declare your bankruptcy first," she finishes with a giggle, Jules and Amy joining in.

You playfully roll your eyes, making your way back to your seat. Gathering all your money and property you distribute it according to the rules before monotonously saying, "I declare bankruptcy."

Leigh smiles at you, biting her lip. She leans over and kisses your cheek whispering a smug thank you into your skin before picking up the dice.

"The three of you are always conspiring against me in this damned game," you say looking around the table at the three women.

"We have no idea what you are talking about," Amy remarks in fake seriousness, taking a sip of her wine.

"Yeah, you're sounding a little crazy there Y/n," Jules adds.

You scoff at their playfulness and know you have a long night ahead of you before this game ends.

When the game does finally end you notice Leigh's discomfort as she tries to get up from her seat.

"Here, let me help," you say, moving to Leigh's side. You hold her hand to hoist her up while your other hand stays on her waist to keep her balanced. "I told you, you should have gotten up to stretch throughout the game."

Leigh's arms wrap around your neck, "Yeah, but then I wouldn't have been able to do this now," she says, before kissing your cheek.

"You're such a flirt Leigh Shaw," you chuckle before placing your hands on her swollen belly. "I wonder if this one is going to get that trait from you."

"Well, if not from me then they'll get it from you. Besides, it will be better than how competitive you are during board games."

You tighten your arms around Leigh's waist, "It doesn't matter if you're seven months pregnant, love, you still have to pay rent," you squint your eyes at her. "And you're saying this like you're not competitive? Who was it that wouldn't let it go when I said the wrong weapon out loud even though I had it right on my checklist, last week?" You question, with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah… This baby has no chance," Leigh jokes, making you both laugh.

"Alright love birds, you can go home now. The cleaning is done," Jules jests.

You look over to see the table has been cleared of the board game and the snacks that were littered all over it.

Amy says her goodbyes telling you to drive safe once you make it to the front door. Jules does the same before watching you walk to your car.

That night, after you have fallen asleep with your arms securely wrapped around Leigh and her bump and your heavy breathing is the only sound in the silent room. She sighs in content because things finally worked out for her.

[tansyuduri]

Merlin Loregasm Rewatch S1E8

Hi Everyone! Welcome to my rewatch of Merlin focusing on the lore. I am a giant nerd so pretty excited about this. We’re on THE BEGINING OF THE END

So Mordred and his possible father come to Camalot for suplies. Okay the only reason for a druid to come to Camelot for supplies is that it cannot be found anywhere else. The man he talks to looks to be a Spice and Herb Merchant. If it was an herb that just grows only in Camalot you would think the druids would find them themselves. This argues it's an herb of spice that is NOT native to Albion. JUDGING from this we can say Camalot likely has a very impressive trade network going.

If we go out on a limb we can say its likely actually more impressive than it's neighbors. Because why not just get it from another kingdom otherwise? I'm going out on a limb because if they needed it urgently enough they might have no choice but to use camalot.

So the guy snitched on them to the guards or the guards found out he was selling to druids and made him play along. If its the first it's not the only time we see common people seeming to agree with Uther and the no magic ban. I think this hints as I mentioned in the first one of these that magic was used for more "Bad" things then just Arthur's birth around that time. I think this has really intersting implications on magic returning to Camelot that we see in a lot of fics because there likley would be People VERY against that ruling. and not just nobles. Though I'm sure minds could change.

So I've been starting to notice that people tend to use a lot of different hand gestures for magic. (I think sometimes people use none at all will keep an eye on that) But I just think it's intersting. It doesnt always have to be the full hand out merlin tends to use. I keep wondering if the choices mean anything. Are hand gestures nessasary? Is it just what the sorcer feels like and Merlin is all Go big or go home with it?

Same dude different hand gesture. I think its whatever you vibe with.

Arthur: The druids are a peaceful people

Uther: they preach peace but conspire against me

Okay but is there a druid conspiracy? We know by season 5 some of them had turned violent. But was that because Arthur didn't immediately bring back magic? Or was there a sect from the beginning?

Yet Arthur talks about them being a peaceful people. Is this just commonly held knowlage? WHERE did he learn that from. Not from Uther by the looks of it. OMG DID HE LEARN IT THAT TIME HE RAIDED THAT CAMP AND THEY DIDN'T FIGHT BACK OR SOMTHING? Or did he learn it from someone else. Gaius perhaps? Also lets talk a bit about druids Historically. Druids were high ranking members of a Celtic priestly class

They served many purposes from being In charge of legal proceedings, to being religious leaders, To being healers, to Advise in politics, to keeping lore. to divination. Only we don't really know what lore. See druids while thought to be litterate did not write anything down, Its thought their doctrine forbade it. So they likley had a strong Oral history but most of what we know actually comes from the romans and the greeks. They are first mentioned in writing in the 4th centery BCE by jullious ceser. byt the second century BCE they were pretty much whiped out (Thanks rome) However there are mentions of them in tales throughout the middle ages. Druid Lore according to ceaser was make up of a huge number of memorized verses and it could take up to 20 years to learn. Because this was Oral it was pretty much lost when they got wiped out (Thanks again rome.) So the druids passing down the Prophasy of Merlin and Arthur fits their MO they are also said to be exampt from military service so so does being a peaceful people. However from what is recorded they were again more a priestly class then a specific people. While it is mentioned later that druids looked for people with magic skills to train they are refered to as a "people" not a class. HOWEVER Again everything we know about them comes from the assholes who wiped them out (Thanks rome) so who even knows how accurate some of it is.

Okay so the Triskel symbol I get. It could represent earth water and fire, or the tripple godess. BUT WHAT IS THAT AMULET I think it might just be a very weird variation on the symbol for Yule.

Maybye. Perhaps. Possibly. The only other thing I could find is The Axe of Perun. Slavic God of Lightning. what is known a "hatchet amulet" And yeah I don't think its that. It could also mean nothing at all, but for this rewatch we are refusing to go down that road.

Dad has one too... I think it must mean something special to the family or group of druids Mordred is a part of. And likley something to do with yule.

Mordad: (Yes we are calling him that) You have let your fear of magic turn to hate. I pitty you.

Is he refering to the purge? Or was Uther always afraid of magic? We know he welcomed Nimue. But was that only for using her for the make Arthur ritual? I gotta wonder. And evaluate my headcannon about Nimue being court sorcerer. I think there are references to her I frinds with Uther. I'll keep an eye out.

Merlin: Do you know much about the druids

Gaius: very little, They're a very secretive people, especially now that they're being hunted by Uther. Just wanted to point out the reference to them being a "people" And how this is possibly another reference to their Oral tradition. Gaius would not have been able to read much about them in books.

Merlin: I heard the boy calling out He was nowhere to be seen, But I could hear him like he was inside my mind.

Gaius: Yes I've heard of this ability.The druids look for children with such gifts to serve as apprentices.

So there is a training system with apprentices, and it's not all families, I wonder how many people if any are born into being a druid. If the children are adopted, and how they get the children. "Your kid has magic bro, send them with me? Perhaps it was viewed as a great honnor in the old religion?"

Heather has a lot of uses herbally so it makes sence Gaius might need a lot of it. It can treat Arthritis, inflammation of the joints and muscles, kidney stones, inflammation of the kidney and bladder, Some eye diseases, Bronchitis, diarrhea, high blood pressure, Even Anxiety or sleep disorders. It's possible he even uses this as part of Morgana's treatment.

So this is a white paste he uses to treat Mordred's infection, I can only guess that it's mostly made up of mashed garlic. (possably baking soda) Which would in fact treat infection, However, its said later this was not useful. He must have put something else in it that was wrong. Or its made up of somthing else.

Emrys does in fact mean Immortal in Welsh and in the original wealth legends Merlinw as known as Myrddin Emrys The greek version is "Ambrose"

Merlin: how does the boy know who I am. I've never even met any druids

Great Dragon: There is much written about you that you have yet to read

Wait so do the druids in merlin actually write things down? Perhaps they write down some things but not central doctrine. Killy mentions this in response to Merlin's question so it kind of implies the druids wrote things down. HOWEVER these things must not be for general people to see because only certain magical beings and the druids refer to him as Emrys. ALSO how does Mordred know he is the Emrys. Do the writings actually describe him? Is it because he mind talked and is near Arthur? I expect its a bit of both. It cannot be because magic since Morgana has that too.

This is a good point. It it the seer in her showing her though instinct? That's my theory. I mean we know Arthur and Merlin have a mental connection that is used twice, but it seems different.

Okay lets talk about this. We know Uther conqurred the kingdom when he was around Arthur's age in season 3. So early 20s. But Anarchy? Thats big. That means government did not exist or had no control over the people. WE know There were earlier kings of Camelot than Uther. (Bruta who we will talk about eventually) So what would have led to Anacarchy?

My guess would be a succession crisis happened. Small lords who had a blood claim were so busy fighting each other that no actual governing happened, As they fought borders changed and so what might be law in one land could then be different in a day. None of them were undisputed leader so there was no leader.

Now often historically when this happens a kingdom would split and become a lot of smaller kingdoms. However, we know Camalot is pretty big. My guess? Uther was one of the possible claimants or a blood relative so distant that no one took him seriously he then defeated all the other claimants and conquered the kingdom. This is a pretty impressive feat.

Now he likely would want to legitimize his claim (As many new rulers try by having a child or themselves marry someone who will help or give status) and that might be why he married Ygraine du bois. The Du Bois family is ancient in France. and can be traced back at least as far as the 9th century (More on them in later posts) Anyhow this is just my speculation based on what I know of history and such.

The implications of Arthur knowing how to send word to the druid people are huge. HOW does he know to do this? Did he know of a former druid living in Camelot? I can't think he actively has communications open with them. My guess is this: Arthur knows of some merchants that do trade with the druids, He found out about it somehow, but did not tell his father. Thus he could use them to make sure a message reached the druid people.

[sixgunluvr]

August 14, 1899

10: 15 pm

Today, the world felt as if it was made just for us, as if the winds, the skies, and the very earth conspired to bring us closer together. My heart is overflowing, and I must put these feelings to paper, lest they spill out and scatter like the dust on the trail.

We met just as the morning light broke over the horizon, the day still new and full of promise. He was waiting for me at the old oak tree, where we always meet, his silhouette strong and steady against the dawn. There is something about him that never fails to take my breath away—the way he stands so sure, so confident, as if nothing in this world could ever break him. And yet, when his eyes find mine, I see a softness there, a tenderness that he shows to no one else.

As we rode out together, I felt his presence beside me, a protective shield against all the world’s dangers. It is in these moments that I feel truly safe, as if nothing could ever harm me as long as he is near. The world fades away, and it’s just us—two souls bound together by a love that no one else could ever understand.

At midday, we stopped by the river, where the water flows clear and cold. We sat on the grass, and he pulled me close, his arms wrapping around me in a way that made me feel as if I were the most precious thing in the world. I could feel the strength in his embrace, the power in his hands, and yet he held me as if I were fragile, something to be cherished and protected. I rested my head against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart, and for a moment, I believed that time had stopped, that the world had ceased to turn just for us.

He spoke to me then, his voice low and full of emotion, telling me how much he loves me, how he would do anything to keep me safe. And I, in turn, told him how much he means to me, how I would follow him anywhere, even to the ends of the earth. There is nothing in this world that I want more than to be with him, to feel his arms around me, to know that I am loved by a man as strong and as good as he.

As the day wore on, the sky darkened with clouds, and a storm began to brew. But even as the wind picked up and the rain began to fall, I felt no fear. He pulled me onto his horse, and we rode through the storm together, his arms around me, holding me close, shielding me from the worst of the weather. I have never felt so safe, so loved, as I did in that moment, with the rain lashing down and the thunder rolling overhead.

When we finally found shelter, he held me close, his warmth driving away the chill of the storm. He looked into my eyes, and I saw everything I ever wanted, everything I ever needed, reflected back at me. I love him more than words can say, more than I ever thought possible. He is my protector, my love, my life, and I thank the heavens every day that he found me, that we found each other.

As I write this now, I can still feel his arms around me, the warmth of his body against mine, the love in his eyes. I know that the world will never understand us, that they will judge him for the life he leads, but I do not care. I love him with all that I am, and I will stand by him no matter what comes. We are bound together by a love that is stronger than anything else in this world, and I will hold onto that with all my heart.

Tonight, as I lay my head down to sleep, I will dream of him, of his touch, of his love, and I will hold onto the hope that one day, we will find a way to be together, free from the judgment of others. Until then, I will cherish every moment we have, every touch, every word, and I will keep him close in my heart, where he will always belong.

[justagalwhowrites]

Lavender - Ch. 20

Life in the QZ gets worse and you're called outside the walls again. A continuation of Lavender Ch. 1-19 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader (broken up), Tommy Miller x Reader

Warnings: Mild smut, talk of extreme police action, description of injuries. No use of Y/N. Minors, DNI 18+ only

Length: 6.5k

Saturday, June 11, 2011 - One Year Later 

“I can only keep them off your back so long,” Elias was all but stalking you into an operating room as you made sure your hair was tucked below your scrub cap. “At some point…” 

“I’m not asking for you to keep them off my back,” you said, pausing at the door to go scrub in. “Don’t need to lie, don’t need make up an excuse. Tell them I think they’re fascists and that I’m not going to prop up their dystopian police state.” 

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, looking exhausted. 

“They’re going to do it with or without you there,” he said. “This isn’t the hill you want to die on…” 

“I think it’s exactly the hill to fucking die on, actually,” you snapped. 

“And if they decide to execute you, too?” He demanded. “What then?” 

“Sounds like you’ll need to find someone to fill in for me on Saturdays,” you shrugged. He glared at you. “Can I go do this hernia repair now or are you going to keep trying to get me to be a tool in the continued downfall of humanity?” 

“Sometimes we can’t solve everything ourselves,” he said. “Sometimes we have to go along with awful things because we can do more good if we survive it.” 

You sighed. 

“They don’t know shit about medicine, right?” You said. He nodded once. “Great. Tell them you really just can’t spare me because I’m the only one who can do some stupid common surgical procedure so you need me here when I’m on duty. Because it’s just raining appendicitis here in the QZ. I imagine that will satisfy them and they can figure out how to check the pulse of someone they’ve hanged themselves without dragging me into it…” 

“Might work,” he sighed. 

“None of us should be a part of this,” you said. “Not just me. None of us should. It goes against our oath and even if it didn’t, it’s cruel and wrong.” 

“I agree,” he said. “But imagine how many people would die if they executed the entire clinic for insubordination. Oaths are complicated things. Sometimes, we have to look beyond just ourselves and consider what’s best for the whole.” 

“What’s best for the whole is FEDRA not executing people who have broken curfew one too many times because suddenly they’re dissidents,” you replied and then you sighed. “I do need to actually operate, I’ve got another hernia repair after this one… I’m sorry you’re stuck dealing with this shit. If you can keep me out of it while letting me keep my head, I’d appreciate it.” 

“Just… try not to call any of the guards fascist to their face, alright?” He said. “I’d rather you not end up shot in the street.” 

“I’ll do my best.” 

You went in to scrub and ground your teeth. Things had been steadily going down hill with FEDRA for the last six months. 

Patrols had increased drastically. They instituted a curfew about 10 months back that people didn’t take seriously at first - especially not the speakeasy crowd. Being home by midnight seemed outrageous. 

Then the executions started. 

They waited a few months before they started killing people. Gave people citations. Warned them that they’d be seen as conspirators with the Fireflies, the militarized resistance to FEDRA. From what you’d heard on your regular visits to the radio - you were still hoping against hope to find Cassie one day, though you were far less certain of her survival than you’d ever been of Joel and Tommy’s - that the fireflies were gaining strength across all the other QZs. People were angry that things weren’t getting better. You didn’t blame them. 

The first sign you had that you, specifically, needed to worry about getting roped in was when Andrew showed up to your apartment one evening, looking distraught. 

“Hey,” you frowned, pulling him inside. You led him to your couch and he sat down, almost in a daze. “What’s going on?” 

“Guards just came by, they took Jess, said they needed her, they’re doing something outside the walls, I don’t know what they need her for out there, it doesn’t make sense,” his voice cracked. “I don’t know what they need her for, what if something happens? She’s never been out there, she’s from Boston, she came right here, what if…” 

You pulled him into a hug, his arms going around your waist, his head buried in your stomach and he let out a choking sob. 

“It’s OK,” you ran your fingers through his hair. “It’ll be OK, they’ll look out for her. She’s going to be OK.” 

He spent the night that night, you sandwiched between him and Tommy (“This is weird, right?” Tommy said. “I mean, I’m fine with it, I just want to know that I’m not crazy.” “It’s weird,” you and Andrew said together.) Jess came back the next day, shaken but otherwise OK. It was the first of numerous trips for her outside the walls of the QZ. They were trying to use her to justify increased militarized presence through psychology, how that would help keep raiders under control. They were trying to prove their own worth. It was only a matter of time before they started roping in medical staff and teachers, too. 

Meanwhile, the Fireflies were getting more outspoken, more vocal and more violent. The tighter FEDRA seemed to squeeze, the more people wanted to back the Fireflies. It was so incredibly stupid on FEDRA’s part it took all you had to not walk off both your jobs. The only thing that kept you going was the fact that it was the best way you could help people. There were no schools or clinics that weren’t run by FEDRA. If you wanted to teach, if you wanted to heal, there were no other options. 

And you could use your connections to keep Tommy, Joel and Tess safe. 

They were still making their smuggling runs. You tried talking Tommy out of it every time he was about to leave for another one, all but begging him to stay with you instead of going out again.

“What, and leave Tess and Joel without all my skills to back them up?” He kissed your forehead. “C’mon. I’m basically the only reason they’re still alive, Sweetheart. Can’t let them go it alone.” 

So you kept them stocked in trauma supplies, stealing things from work with even greater regularity. Tommy kept showing up at your door battered and bruised. You’d taken to keeping a suture kit at your house, regularly needing to stitch his wounds closed. 

“I really fucking hate this,” you said one night, stitching a knife wound to his shoulder closed as you sat behind him on your bed. 

“Sweetheart,” he sighed. 

“No, I mean it,” you said. “I really hate it. I really hate seeing you hurt, I really hate patching you up, I really hate that you feel like you have to do this. I really fucking hate it, Tommy, and I wish you’d stop going out there.” 

You tied off the suture and got the kit cleaned up, stashing what was unused and still sterile back in your abused at home supply kit. 

“Hey,” he took your hand and pulled you between his legs, looking up at you. “I’m not goin’ out there for nothing…” 

“You’re going out there for ration cards,” you snapped. “Which is damn near nothing.” 

“Goin’ out there for shit we can’t get here,” he said, untying your robe and unwrapping you slowly, like you were a gift. He pressed his lips to your bare stomach, kissing up your body to your breastbone. “Some of it is important shit. And I have to try to keep Joel and Tess safe. I’m not tryin’ to get hurt, I’m really not tryin’ to hurt you. I’m doing it because it’s important and it’s the only damn way I got to do something important in this fuckin’ place.” 

“You’re important to me,” you said quietly, running your fingers through his hair. “Be important that way.”

“And you’re important to me,” he kissed your chest again. “But would you listen if I asked you to stop working at the clinic?” 

“I’m not risking my life at the clinic.” 

“You’ve got your brain to offer,” he half smiled up at you. “I’m a soldier. All I’ve got’s my body, so I’m usin’ it.” He tugged you closer. “Hopin’ you’ll let me.” 

You sighed, straddling him, kissing him, your arms draped carefully over his shoulders so as to not disturb his fresh sutures. 

“Really don’t encourage a lot of physical activity so soon after a medical procedure,” you said as he slid your robe to the floor and trailed his lips down your throat. “Should probably make you wait…” 

“Swear to God I’ll lose my mind if you don’t let me inside you,” he growled and you laughed. He took the opportunity to pick you up and lay you down with a surprised shriek. 

“And you really shouldn’t be doing that,” you said between kisses. “You’re going to rip your stitches out!” 

“Worth it.” 

He quickly pulled off his pants and thrust into you, making you gasp and moan. “Fuck, Sweetheart, Goddamn,” he groaned. “How do you always feel this fuckin’ good?” 

You ground your hips into him and he pressed his lips to the hollow of your throat with a delicious moan, starting to work himself in and out of you. He knew just how you liked to be fucked now, knew all the places inside you to find, how to work your clit, touch your skin, suck your nipples into his mouth. He pulled you tight and close to him as his pace increased and your orgasm built and you fell apart together, gasping for breath as he lay on top of you. You lifted your head just enough to see his sutures before collapsing back down into bed. 

“You got fucking lucky, Miller,” you panted. “Because I’d never fuck you again if you made me redo those stitches.” 

“I’d seduce you eventually,” he said, kissing your shoulder and sliding out of you. You rolled your eyes. “Only took me 10 years the first time…” 

Your relationship with Tommy had been one of the few, surprising bright spots in the last year. It was oddly easy, being with him. There wasn’t much about him that wasn’t easy. He was sweet, he was fun. It was what you’d imagined a relationship to be like in college before you’d started dating Joel. With Joel, it had been heady and intense from the beginning. You’d been head over heels for him from the start. There was no other option, it was all in or nothing and nothing didn’t feel like it was on the table. 

Tommy was the opposite. But that was, in part, because you couldn’t seem to actually fall for him. Even when you tried. Even when you focused on it. 

It didn’t seem to matter what he did. He took you dancing at the Speakeasy. He brought you bottles of wine from outside the QZ. He got you a small TV/VCR combo from the underground market and a copy of You’ve Got Mail on VHS. You were almost giddy with it while trying to tell him it was way too much. 

“Nah, I had to,” he smiled. “Found the tape when we were outside, knew how much you loved that movie. Then I just had to make sure you could actually watch the damn thing.” 

Tommy was probably a damn near perfect boyfriend. He just… wasn’t Joel. 

It didn’t matter that you hadn’t seen him - not even in passing - since the conversation near the clinic. Tommy always came to your place. You always dealt with him or Tess when it came to resupplying their medical stash. He had done a thorough job of making sure you never saw each other. 

And it didn’t make a damn difference. 

There was a second every morning Tommy spent the night where you thought you were waking up next to his brother. It was one moment - a sweet, if brief, moment - where everything felt right. It was one of your favorite moments of the day, the second there your mind tricked yourself that you were still with the person you loved most. And then came the letdown followed by the shame of it. 

“What the fuck is my problem?” You asked Andrew one afternoon as you worked in your lab. “Why can’t I get the fuck over him? Tommy… he’s basically perfect, why can’t I just love him? Why do I have to want the person who doesn’t want me back? And at what point do I fucking tell Tommy ‘hey, I know you’ve basically done nothing but be the best boyfriend a girl could ask for for the past almost year but I’m still in love with your brother who, as it happens, is kind of a dick.’”

“The heart wants what the heart wants, I guess,” Andrew shrugged. “I can’t imagine loving anyone but Jess. You could drop Halle Berry in front of me, make her love all the same shit I do and I’d still want Jess. Just how it works sometimes.” 

“This is such a fucking mess,” you groaned. 

“He said he understood what he was getting into,” he shrugged again. “So, if I were you, I’d keep it to myself until he drops the L-word on you. Then you’ll have to come clean. But, until then, I think you’re in the clear.” 

“Why am I this stupid?” You asked. “Seriously. I’m not this stupid with anything else, how was I this fucking stupid?” 

“Eh, you’re pretty stupid with at least some other things,” he said. You glared at him. “You are an absolute shit partner to have in bridge. You cannot strategize for shit, you are really stupid at bridge.”  

“Thank you,” you said sarcastically. “That makes me feel so much better.” 

“Always happy to be of service.” 

It had been a few months that you’d known, for a fact, that you couldn’t fall in love with Tommy. It didn’t matter how hard you tried, how much you wanted to, it wasn’t going to happen. You still weren’t sure what to do about it. 

You thought about it more when he wasn’t around. So you were thankful, that Saturday, to have surgeries to attend to. Tommy, Joel and Tess were outside the QZ yet again. Not only were you always worried the whole time they were gone, your brain went into overdrive trying to figure out what to do about the Tommy situation. Surgery was a pleasant distraction. 

It was late when you finally finished everything on the docket that day. The sun had set and you felt like you were ready to fall asleep standing up. 

“Want to come over later?” Andrew asked as you leaned against the front desk. “Feel like you might need the distraction.” 

“Yeah…” you sighed, looking out at the empty waiting room. “Probably a good idea…” 

The bell on the front door rang and you instinctively looked. Tess ran in, eyes wide, blood dripping from her shoulder. 

“Fuck,” you swore. You were running before you even really knew you were running, grabbing one of the clinic’s go bags. 

“Andrew,” you said as you went for the door. “Keep an OR ready for me, do NOT shut down until I get back, understand? See if you can get someone else to stay, please…” 

“I’ve got it,” he said. “Go!”

Tess led the way to the hole in the fence. 

“What happened?” You asked, the two of you walking as quickly as you could without drawing the attention of anyone patrolling. 

“We got pinned down, about a mile outside the QZ,” she said. “We took everyone out eventually but Tommy and Joel…” 

“Tess,” your voice cracked. 

“They were alive when I left,” she said. 

“Fuck!” 

You slipped out of the fence, past the search lights and the debris field, and you ran. 

You’d never been an athlete. You liked hiking and swimming and walking and were in fine shape but you’d never been a runner. That didn’t seem to matter then. 

You raced toward where Tess pointed you, her falling back. You started watching for the bodies that would be around wherever they’d stashed themselves, the telltale signs of the showdown Tess mentioned. 

When you spotted it, you practically tore into the small storefront, yanking a flashlight out of your pocket. It didn’t take you long to find Joel and Tommy. 

“Hey Sweetheart,” Tommy smiled a little at you. He was breathing heavily, his gun lying across his lap. Tess ran in behind you. 

“Hey, you idiot,” you smiled a little back. Joel was silent on the ground. “I need to evaluate you both and figure this out, try to stay conscious for me, OK?” 

“Anything for you,” he said, wincing a little. 

You took off your backpack and put your flashlight in your teeth, looking Joel over first. He was unconscious but he had a pulse and was breathing. Good signs, even though his breath was shallow. There was a penetrating chest wound and a compound fracture just above his left knee. 

“Jesus Christ, what the fuck did you guys get up to?” You asked, pulling out your stethoscope. “Do you know how fucking hard it is to break your femur?” 

“Had to jump off a roof,” Tommy winced. “Think I just sprained an ankle, Joel landed wrong…” 

“Wrong is a fucking understatement,” you muttered, checking his heart rate and his breathing. “Think he’s stable for the moment…” 

You moved to Tommy. 

“Why do I feel like we’re gonna be in a fight after this?” He asked. 

“Because we are,” you said. “Show me what’s wrong.” 

“Got shot,” he angled his leg with a groan so you could see the wound. It was to the thigh but had missed the major arteries, so not terrible. “Sprained the ankle…” 

“Tess,” you said. “I’m going to need…” 

There was a sudden gasping sound from behind you and you spun. Joel was still unconscious but he was struggling to breathe. 

“Doc!” Tess ran to him. 

“Move!” You ordered, rushing over and thrusting the stethoscope into your ears. You pressed it to his chest and listened. “Fucking hell…” 

You yanked your bag to your side and started ripping through it. 

“What?” Tess sounded panicked. “What is it?” 

“He had a fucking pneumothorax that I missed and it just changed to a tension pneumothorax,” you said, thrusting the flashlight to Tess. She took it, shining the light down at the bag. You found a scalpel and some tubing. 

“What’s that?” She asked. “What does that mean?” 

“It means there’s air in his chest that’s trapped and making it so his lung can’t inflate and I need to get it out or he’s going to fucking die,” you snapped, ripping his shirt open, sending buttons flying and pointing to a spot on his rib cage. You cut off a short length of tube. “Light here.” 

She obeyed and you made the cut, thrusting the tubing in to hold the incision open so the air could escape. He took a deep, shuddering breath and you relaxed. 

“Thank fuck for that,” you sighed, really looking at his face for the first time. 

You had to fight the urge to touch him. He was still so fucking beautiful it made your heart ache. Seeing him again was like getting hit by the train. All this time, you’d thought you’d just been holding steady, that you just kept loving him the same way you always had. 

You hadn’t. It had become a dull roar. It hung on the edges of everything but you could forget about it sometimes, when he wasn’t there to remind you. But the second you saw him, it was all consuming. You felt it in your skin, your chest, your marrow. Loving him was built into you like any other vital thing, there was no excising it. You could quiet it, avoid it but it would never cease to exist. Not for you. 

“Tess,” you said after a second. “Hold pressure on the lower chest wound, leave the one I just made the fuck alone.” 

You went to Tommy and started looking at his gunshot wound. 

“How are you feeling?” You asked. “Lightheaded?” 

“Nothin’ I can’t handle, Sweetheart,” he smiled a little. “Just having a hard time walking is all…” 

“Yeah, that’s going to be the sticking point here,” you glanced to Tess.

“What?” She asked. 

“You and I are going to have to do some heavy lifting,” you said. 

“I can do that,” she nodded. “I can do that.” 

You grabbed some gauze and a brace from your bag, wrapping Tommy’s gunshot wound and giving him some ankle support before you looked him in the eye. 

“Alright Miller,” you said. “Time to boot and rally, you were in the army, you can do this. You’re going to go with Tess to the fence and head for the clinic. Andrew is waiting for you guys.” 

“What about you?” He asked. 

“I’m going to wake up Joel and I’m taking him to the main gate,” you said, getting to your feet and offering Tommy your hand. 

“That’s a fucking death sentence, you can’t go to the main gate!” Tess gaped up at you. 

“We can’t get him through the fence,” you said. “There’s no way in hell, not with a compound fracture, an open chest wound and a pneumo. Main gate might be a death sentence for you but I can get us in. It’ll be tricky but I can get us in.” 

“That’s too big a risk,” Tommy said, taking your hand. You pulled him to his feet and slung his arm over your shoulder. “You can’t…” 

“I can’t just leave him out here,” you looked up at him, meeting his gaze. “I need to get him to the clinic before shit gets worse and that’s the only way…”

He cupped your face, looking in your eyes and you knew he saw it. What you felt. Why you couldn’t leave Joel behind. Not now, not ever. 

“It’s gonna get you killed, Sweetheart,” he said softly. 

“Don’t have a choice,” you smiled sadly. He pressed his lips to your forehead. 

“Tess?” You said, still looking at Tommy. She came alongside you and you held up his arm. She stepped into place. “Straight to the clinic, OK?” 

“You sure you’ve got Joel from here?” She asked. 

“Yeah,” you said. “Get yourselves out of here, we’ll be right behind. The clinic. Andrew’s staying there, he’ll help you.” 

She nodded and they left you there with Joel on the ground. 

You ran to his side, checking his breathing. Still solid. 

“Well at least there’s that,” you muttered to yourself. You quickly bandaged the wound at his chest. Looking closer, you were pretty sure it was a stab wound and not a bullet hole. You tried to keep it so it wouldn’t be jostled and have him start bleeding out. You moved onto the leg. 

You were going to need to at least partially set it, there’s no way you could carry him and he couldn’t put any weight on it the way it was now. It was just going to hurt like a bitch. Which is part of why you’d sent Tess and Tommy along. This part was not going to be pretty and there was a good chance he was going to scream loud enough to attract every clicker and raider in a five mile radius. 

“OK Miller,” you grabbed the length of tubing you hadn’t used to open his chest and put it between his teeth, making him bite down on it. “You can do this, you can get through this you stubborn asshole, you’re going to be fine, hear me? I will never forgive you if you’re not fine so you’re going to be fucking fine…” 

You grabbed the stuff to make a splint from your bag and set it up around his injured leg before you put one knee on his hip, hoping to help hold him still. 

“Here we go,” you took a deep breath. “One, two, three…” 

You winced as you started pushing his bone back into alignment. He gasped and flung his hand out, catching you in the side. 

“It’s me!” You said quickly, pushing the bone back into place. He groaned, the sound choking and gasping. “Bite down on the tube, I’m setting your leg enough that you can put weight on it, I know it hurts, I’m almost done just stick with me…” 

The bone disappeared below the skin and you stopped pushing. Joel went slack, panting for breath. You grabbed gauze and quickly bound the point where the break had come through the skin before setting the splint. 

“You still with me over there, Miller?” You asked, not able bring yourself to look over at him, afraid of what you might see. 

“Still here,” he was panting for breath. 

“Good,” you said, sitting back on your heels for a moment, out of breath yourself. You looked over at him. 

He was watching you, a soft look on his face. Your heart swelled with it.

“Hey Kid,” he said quietly. 

“Hey,” you half smiled at him. 

“Tess and Tommy?” He asked. 

“Headed for the QZ,” you said. “Sent them on ahead because they’re taking a different route in than us.” 

“What route are we taking?” He frowned. 

“Main gate,” you said, starting to pack up your supplies. 

“No,” he shook his head. “No, we can’t…” 

“You can’t without me,” you cut him off. “But I can. And you can’t get under the fence right now, Joel, not with your leg like that coupled with the fact that you’ve got a penetrating chest wound and I had to give you an incision to relieve a tension pneumothorax.” 

“Then you’re leavin’ me out here,” he started trying to prop himself up on his elbows and you went to help him. “Not riskin’ you bringing me in through the main gate…” 

“Shut the fuck up, Miller,” you said, helping him sit up all the way. He glared at you. 

“Always knew there was a risk of not comin’ back, Kid,” he said. His eyes kept ranging over your face. 

“You don’t get to just die on me out here,” you snapped. “We’re not doing that, got it? I didn’t come all the way out here to save your ass just to have you die on me so we’re going to the main fucking gate.” 

You stood up and put on the pack before offering him your hand. He glared at you. 

“I swear to God Joel if you don’t I will go to the main gate myself and make them come get you in a patrol truck,” you snapped. “Guessing this is a smuggling hide out for you, I will bring them here, I don’t give a shit.” 

“You’re the most stubborn damn woman I’ve ever met,” he muttered, taking your hand.

“Put as much weight as you can on the good leg,” you ordered. He glared at you. “What, you’re saying dumb shit like I should just leave you out here to die so I have to state the obvious. Ready?” He nodded once. “Alright, one, two, three.” 

You pulled and he hissed in pain as you helped him up. He almost collapsed and you caught him with your shoulder tucked into his armpit. 

“See?” You said as he panted for breath. “We’ve got this.” 

It didn’t take long for you and Joel to fall into a rhythm that kept his pain from getting worse as you walked. It was slow going but you made steady progress. 

“Why’d you do this?” He managed after you’d walked half a mile. 

“What do you mean?” You frowned. 

“Come out here,” he said. His breaths came in short, gasping pants. “Save me. Why?” 

You were quiet for a moment.

“You know why,” you said eventually. 

He ground his teeth. 

“We’re not good for each other,” he said. 

“I know.” 

“Told you I didn’t want to see you.” 

“Trust me, I remember.” 

“You’re with Tommy.” 

“I know.” 

He growled. The searchlights of the QZ perimeter were getting close. 

“When we get up there, let me do the talking,” you said. “Keep your mouth fucking shut. I’m going to get us through this in one piece but you have to do what I say for a change, got it?” 

He just grunted in affirmation. 

The guards spotted you quickly. It wasn’t like you were trying to hide. 

“Hands up!” Their guns were drawn. You raised the hand you could. “I fucking said hands up!” 

“Can’t put them all up, I have an injured man with me,” you called back. “I’m a doctor at the clinic, I got word of an injured person outside the fence, I’m bringing him in for treatment…” 

The voice shifted. 

“Doc? That you?” 

You squinted against the searchlight as the guard came closer. You smiled a little. 

“Hi Tim,” you said. You’d known there was a good chance one of your former students would be at the gate. It was just luck that it was one who remembered you fondly. He lowered his gun. 

“What are you doing out here?” He asked, coming over and taking Joel’s other side. Joel just gaped at you. 

“Helping the injured,” you jerked your head in Joel’s direction. “That whole hippocratic oath thing, I couldn’t just ignore it once I knew about it. I was hoping you could let us in here.” 

“Doc, you left the QZ…” he said quietly. 

“I know,” you said. “And I don’t want to compromise you or your job in any way. But I had to do my job, too. If you need to write me up or take me into custody you can, but I need to get this man to the clinic first…” 

He looked Joel over. 

“You’ll make sure he does intake?” He asked.

“Of course,” you replied. He pulled out a scanner and took a sample from each of you. The screen glowed green. His jaw twitched. 

“Alright,” he said. “But we have to move quick and you never saw me, OK?” 

“Thank you,” you said, moving as quickly as Joel would allow. Your heart was in your throat until you were through the gate. 

“Get to the clinic by curfew,” Tim said. “You’ve only got 20 minutes.” 

*** 

Joel wasn’t sure what hurt more, his leg, his chest or seeing you. 

He’d managed to avoid you for a year. A whole year of not seeing your face, the longest he’d gone since he’d come to the QZ. He hated every goddamn second of it. 

It was the right thing to do, though, trying to let you go. He kept fucking failing you and he’d keep fucking failing you the more he was around you. And being around you hurt. 

He wasn’t sure it would be better or worse if you were his. Everything he’d lost was all tied up in you. The life he’d been inches away from having wound around your limbs and lips and hair. He didn’t think he could just be next to you and know that. But fuck, not seeing you… 

One of the hardest things he’d ever had to do was say goodbye to you that day on the street. But he couldn’t keep drowning you in his misery. As much as he’d hated Tommy for touching you, for picking you, he couldn’t hate him for pointing out the obvious. He’d been cruel to you. As much as he was angry, hurting, wanting to hate you, you didn’t deserve that. You deserved better than what he could give you. You were too much for him to take and he couldn’t seem to stop hurting you. It had to end. 

But he was relieved that he could gauge how you were doing by Tommy’s mood. He didn’t like much else about the fact that you were with him but when Tommy came home from seeing you in a good mood, he knew you were happy. If he were a little off, he knew you probably had a bad day at work. If he were irritable it meant you were upset about something. He didn’t dare ask what but he knew it was something. 

It was strange, knowing you existed in the world but not knowing much of anything about it. He clung to what he did know. Wished he didn’t want to know. Didn’t want to see you. Wished he didn’t want to look at you. 

But now you were close - so fucking close - and it hurt. Andrew helped you get him onto an exam table and he could barely hear what you were saying, giving him some kind of pill and making him breathe in some shit that made his head swim as you made him lie down. 

“Don’t want you workin’ on me,” he managed. You frowned. 

“Well I’m the only option you have, Miller, so suck it up,” you said, not looking up from your work at his side. 

“Don’t want to want to look at you,” he muttered. 

“Then don’t look at me,” you said, stitching up his side. 

“Can’t help it,” he mumbled. “Too fuckin’ pretty…” 

“Sounds like a personal problem, Miller,” you said. “Stop talking so much, you’re making it hard to sew.” 

“Sorry,” he said. “Just missed you.” 

You looked at him for a moment. 

“Missed you too.” 

You went back to sewing. He just watched you work, soaking up what he could of you. He didn’t know when he’d see you again. He wanted to hold onto this. 

He fell asleep watching you heal him. 

***

By the time you finished with Joel, you were exhausted. You were going to have to just sleep in an exam room, it was past curfew and you wouldn’t want to be far, anyway. But, for that moment, you just wanted to slump against the wall in the hall, not able to make yourself move any further. 

You slid to the floor, leaning your head back against the wall and taking a deep breath. Your legs and arms ached. You were pretty sure your abs would, too, in the morning after you hauled Joel all that way. 

Tess came out of an exam room and looked surprised to find you on the floor before siting next to you. 

“How is he?” She asked. 

“He’ll be fine,” you sighed. “Won’t be able to make any runs for at least two months while his femur heals, though.” 

She nodded slowly. 

“Can I ask you something?” She asked after a moment. 

“As long as it’s nothing philosophical,” you replied. “Brain is fried. Ask me how to do surgery, that I can do with my eyes closed.”

“What are you doing with them?” She asked, watching you. You frowned. “You’ve got Tommy wrapped around your finger. You’ll put your life on the line to save Joel. What are you doing with them?” 

“Nothing that I really have a say in,” you looked at her, too tired to try to dodge the question. “If I could stop… feeling the way I do, I would. I hate it, I hate what it’s done to me, what it’s done to him, what it’s doing to Tommy and I just… I don’t want it anymore. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I want it to be over. 

“I keep thinking that loving people, that’s the reason we’re here. That’s what we’re supposed to do with life, we’re supposed to love people as much as we can for as long as we can but that doesn’t work anymore, does it? Maybe it did before all this happened. Maybe it didn’t and I was just too naive to know it but that’s what it felt like we were supposed to do. But I can’t keep loving him and I can’t just let this keep going with Tommy and I just….” Your voice cracked. You were too tired to try to fight off tears. 

Tess tugged you over so your head was on her shoulder. You blinked in surprise. 

“I was married before,” she said. “I told you that. I didn’t tell you that I had to shoot him, in the outbreak.” 

“Jesus…” you breathed. 

“Even knowing how it was going to end, I’m glad I had it while I did,” she said. “But I’m still too afraid to ever love someone like that again. Love like that wrecks you, utterly destroys you. It’s why I make the choices I make now. And yeah, it’s safer but my God is life sweeter when you have it.

“Joel’s broken like that, too,” she said. “Part of why we get along. I’m not sure he’ll ever get his shit together. It’s too big a risk for him. But I think you still can figure it out. It hasn’t broken you yet. You still wear ribbons in your hair. You’re not broken yet.” 

You stared at the wall for a moment. 

“I need to talk to Tommy,” you said eventually. 

“I’m really sorry, Doc,” she said quietly. 

“Me too.” 

You made yourself stop crying before you knocked on Tommy’s door and opened it quietly, half hoping he would be asleep when you went inside. 

No such luck. 

“Hey, Sweetheart,” he half smiled at you. 

“Hey,” you half smiled back. “How are you feeling?” 

“Been better,” he shrugged. “Been worse.” 

You nodded. 

“The nurse - Kristen, I think? - said Joel was fine,” he said. You nodded again. 

He just looked at you for a moment, like he was memorizing you. 

“I never had a shot, did I?” He asked. 

You smiled tightly. 

“I told you I wasn’t sure I could ever love anyone else,” you said softly. 

“You did,” he nodded. “Just hoped I’d convince you.” 

“You and me both.” 

He smiled at that and held out his hand for you. You took it, letting him tug you to him. 

“You’ve been the most fun I’ve had since the end of the world,” he said. “Glad we got to figure it out.” 

“Me too,” you sniffed, trying not to cry. 

He smiled and kissed your forehead. 

“Go sleep,” he said. “You look like you’re about to fall over.” 

“Yeah, I think I am,” you laughed. “Your brother is fucking heavy, I’m never hauling him anywhere again…” 

He laughed at that, too. You looked at him. 

“I really tried,” you said quietly. “But…” 

“I know,” he said. “Now get out of here before I do something stupid.” 

You nodded and went for the door. 

“Hey,” he said. 

You stopped and turned back to him. 

“Here’s looking at you, Kid.” 

You smiled, shook your head a little, and left him behind. 

A/N: Hi guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as things ramp up as we build into the core story of TLOU. Tommy will still be around for a bit but boyfriend Tommy is over. So sorry for all the Tommy Stans! This was always the plan, though. He was here to help Joel figure his shit out and give Doc a way out of her single-mindedness when it comes to Joel.

I do have a tag list, please let me know if you'd like to be added, just comment below! If you've asked and haven't made it on, please ask again. I'm trying to get everyone added but I think people may have slipped through the cracks because I have no organizational system for this.

Thank you so much for reading and commenting and letting me know how the story makes you feel! It's a joy to write for you all, thank you for hanging out with my characters :)

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[enlitment]

How has your perspective of history (any time period/person) changed over time?

Thank you for the thought-provoking question!

In general, I'd say that I came to find out that both the historical periods and figures we collectively assume to be super stern and serious had complicated, often quite chaotic lives and were far from being immune to petty personal dramas.

I think that people who don't engage with history after high school often miss the fact that it has the potential to not only be fun, but also genuinely funny at times.

One of the big eye-opening moments for me was reading Cicero's Second Philippic. I vaguely remembered briefly learning about them in high school, but never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that the accusations Cicero makes against Mark Antony were of that nature. (I recommend this extremely fun article for anyone who hasn't read it already and wants to find out more!). It definitely changed the way I see Cicero and, to some extent, the late Roman Republic in general.

Couple of weeks after I first read it, I went to a very formal university event during which someone quoted Cicero (because of course they did - they always do) and I remember that I had to keep smirking. The second philippic was all I could think of in that moment.

Same goes for a lot of famous 18th century figures (Frederick the Great, Voltaire, Rousseau...) which you kind of implicitly assume were all serious, respectable people - until you get your hands on their letters and realise that the level of drama and cattiness in the 1700s was just off the charts.

On a more serious note, I'd like to think that my view of the French Revolution has became more nuanced as I read more about it. I was certainly taught something along the lines of 'it started as a nice idea but then Robespierre turned into a bloodthirsty dictator and started executing everyone!' at school. It was not easy to shake this off at first.

On a basic level, I think people just like to believe that everything bad that happens can be ascribed to one or two people 'turning crazy' instead of realising that the real dark things often stem from a specific situation and circumstances rather than individual people.

The fact that it was not Robespierre alone running the country is hard to argue with, I mean that's just a historical fact. But I also think it is important to take into account all that was happening in France during the 1790s - the war, the near-famine, how much conspirators working against the revolution were a real threat and not just a product of someone's paranoid delusions...

No matter what specific conclusions you came to in the end, I think this is something you need to be aware of before you form any judgement of the Revolution. Without reflecting that, the discussion always feels rather pointless.

Oh, and I was delighted to find out just how wrong the view that women just lied on a sofa doing nothing for hundreds of years before feminism kicked off in the late 1800s. Finding out about all the cool influential women from history continues to surprise me in the best possible way!

[liaromancewriter]

Falling in Love

Premise: Cassie knows protecting her heart from Ethan is a lost cause. Set after the opera scene in book 1, chapter 12.

Book: Open Heart Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Cassie Valentine) Rating/Category: Teen. Angst Trope: Pining Words: 910

A/N: Submission to @choicesfebruary2024 Eros. I'm also using @choicesflashfics week 70, prompt 2 and @creativepromptsforwriting prompt 1065. Tagging for reblog to @creativepromptfills.

Cassie Valentine was falling in love with the tall, dark, handsome man beside her. Ethan Ramsey had enthralled her from the first moment she laid eyes on him.

What about him made her heart yearn for love so powerful it conquered all? The kind poets waxed melodically about. One that lasted for a lifetime and beyond.

Light from a street lamp cut a swath through the windshield, momentarily brightening the close quarters of the front seats of Ethan’s luxury sedan. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ethan’s fingers grip and flex around the steering wheel as he took a right turn at the intersection.

The low sound of a classical concerto drifted from the speakers. The melody was hauntingly beautiful and sad, reminiscent of the doomed romance in the opera they’d just attended. It reminded her that not everything was written in the stars.

Alessandra and Damarion weren’t the only ones condemned to a life of loneliness, never to realize their love because pride and circumstances kept them apart. Some relationships just weren’t meant to be, no matter how much one could wish otherwise.

And yet, every time she bounced back, he pulled her back down.

Before that night in Miami, she made a promise to herself to move on with her life. But the longing in his blue eyes and the ache in his gruff voice whenever he let his guard down was her undoing. And, in a single moment, with the sound of waves crashing in the background and the feel of his arms tightening around her, she fell all over again.

Tonight was no different. Cassie remembered how he held her hand during the performance, quietly comforting her when she needed it. The way he gently wiped a tear from her cheek, his breath catching at the sparks rising where skin touched skin.

No matter how much Ethan said otherwise, she knew they weren’t wrong for each other. She might have initiated the kiss in Miami and tonight, but he wasn’t immune to the attraction between them despite his denials.

“You know how complicated this is,” he said from behind her as she stared holes into the patterned wall of the private box.

Cassie turned around because hiding her emotions made her feel like a coward. His eyes pleaded with her to understand, but she couldn’t pretend anymore.

“It’s not complicated, Ethan. Not for me.”

When he raised a hand to brush a lingering tear from the corner of her eye, she leaned into it, savoring the feel of his touch. That was all it took to break through his barriers. With a curse, he pulled her into his arms. His stubble was rough against her skin, but the kiss was soft and tender.

She heard the groan deep in his throat as he closed the distance between them. His hands ran through her hair, and her arms circled around his waist. Their bodies fit together like they always were intended to become one.

And then the house lights came on, chasing away the shadows where their hunger for each other thrived, replaced by the stark light of reality.

The distance from the opera house to her apartment building was short, prolonged only by his measured adherence to the speed limit and traffic lights conspiring to keep them together for a while longer.

Cassie’s heart sank as the ride came to an end. He pulled up outside her building, the engine running as he switched the gear to park. She felt his eyes on her, the poignant silence stretching in the darkness, and wondered if he regretted the kiss tonight, just like he had all those months ago in Miami.

And she knew it would break her heart if he said the words that confirmed her worst fears. So, she wouldn’t let him, she told herself resolutely, and opened the car door.

“We are so much more than you let us be,” Cassie whispered morosely, unable to let it go as she exited the car.

A wave of longing crashed over him at hearing his innermost thoughts coming from her lips. He swallowed against the lump in his throat, frozen as denial and apprehension resurfaced. The slamming of the passenger door shook him out of his daze.

“Cassie, wait!” Ethan called out urgently, reaching to open the driver’s side door. But he was too late.

Stricken at the moment lost forever, he watched dejectedly as she jogged up the steps, stopping only to unlock the street door, and disappeared inside.

He stared into the darkness, wishing for her to return, but he knew it was pointless. He checked the rearview and side mirrors and pulled out into the light traffic on the quiet residential street.

Ethan told himself it was better this way. He was an attending. She was an intern. Unsavory gossip aside, he couldn’t be the reason she failed to become the amazing doctor he knew she had the potential to be.

When he stopped at the next red light, he inhaled deeply, and the lingering scent of her floral perfume hit his senses. For a lone second, Ethan asked himself who he was kidding. He was sinking deep, and there was no rescue in sight.

Then the light turned green, the driver behind him honked impatiently, and that solitary reflection of surrendering to what could be vanished into the darkness as if it had never been.

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