#and in another five minutes im ready to wake up. but im probably reading manga or something
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#im sure im nowhere near alone in this#but my sleep schedule has completely flatlined. like not in the sense it died but#hm maybe a better word is that it reached a singularity. lol how edgy#but legit i wake up in the exact same state as i fell asleep in. like my mood doesnt change and really its been taking only a couple#a couple minutes to wake up. which is impressive considering my issues with waking up#im sure its been impacted somewaht by the quarantine and im kinda enjoying it#its become less of something i dread and more of a.....whats a good word.....a habit?? no. maybe ritual? hmm not quite#like i dont struggle with it as much lately. its more of a thing i tell myself i gotta do.#and i got a routine down pat so i lay down for 5 minutes and im out for 7 hours. then i wake back up#and in another five minutes im ready to wake up. but im probably reading manga or something#and ill get to a good stopping point and ill get up#very smooth and consistent. well. i guess ill go to sleep now#uh. my pharmacy still hasnt called me so i guess ill call my psychologist again and get that refilled#its moments like this that make me feel like the medicine isnt helping#i havent taken it for a week or two and still feel the same (the sleep meds make me sleep naturally longer tho abt 10-11 hours)#the same stressors are causing me anxiety. idk i know all that stuff about when youre on your meds you think youre fine#but i havent really noticed anything either way. im still sad and anxious all the time. and no matter when im consistently taking#medicine or when the pharmacy or my psychologist fucks up and i cant take it theres. no difference#talking to my therapist has been really helping tho. i really enjoy talking to her. venting and getting things off my chest#idk fam. i just wanna be happy now. i dont wanna go back to work.#i also dont wanna think about how my funds are running low. i dont wanna be stressed out#and i dont wanna ignore it. but i cant fucking deal with everything right away i meed time to handle each issue#and the longer it drags on the more stressed i get. so i cope by ignoring it until the time comes to deal with it appropriately#man i hate like. working to live. i just wanna volunteer for alot of unions and places that do good things for people#and not have to worry about money ever again#that would be ideal i think.
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