#and in a lot of unintended ways they cast him aside too

[rexxdjarin]

I wish someone had told me.

Rex had uttered this phrase more times in the last few years of his life than he ever had in all the ones before now.

He was a Captain, a man organizationally meant to be in the know.

Yet these days it felt like the more he found out about the truth of things the less he really knew the entire time.

The war he fought in, the war he and all his brothers dedicated their lives to, was built on an insidious lie. It was orchestrated to make the Republic and the Jedi fall. Palpatine constructed all of it, including his own life, to make that happen. And upon realizing this toward the end of the clone wars, he found himself uttering the phrase that became all too familiar to him for the first time. I wish someone had told me.

Ahsoka had saved his life by removing his inhibitor chip. They escaped with their lives and parted to keep each other safe. He went years, a whole decade, without hearing from her again. The entire time wondering if one day he’d look over his shoulder to find his little sister rushing to pass him like she used to. Worrying about her all the time. Starting his own clone rebellion without her beside him. She had started her own fight to build up the rebellion and never thought to seek him out. That maybe he’d want to help. Until finally she did, a decade later, and he was brought in to the fight again. While he was glad to see her and happy she had survived all this time, she disappeared after fighting a Sith on Malachor and never came home. Yet somehow, some way, she survived, only to go out on her own without finding him again. And once again he felt it- I wish someone had told me.

Or worst of all - the darkest truth that no one had the heart to tell him. That it was Anakin, his beloved General and one of his best friends, who aided Palpatine in the collapse of the galaxy as they knew it. That it was Anakin who had killed all his fellow Jedi and used his helpless chip-controlled brothers to do it. That it was Anakin who had killed Padmé Amidala and sent a surviving Obi-wan Kenobi into self-imposed exile. That it was Anakin who became the monster Darth Vader and terrorized the galaxy for decades. That his best friend, his leader, had suffered so greatly for so long and never confided in him. Never looked to him for help the way Rex had always done to him in the years he grew up beside him. That Anakin and Padmé had two children who were kept hidden to survive and who lead the rebellion, including himself, to victory against the Empire. That all this time everyone he knew had some hand in the future that was to come and yet none would ever ease his questioning, anxious mind about where things went wrong. That not even Ahsoka could stand to tell him the truth. Only Anakin’s son and daughter could sit him down at his old age and fill in the gaps in his own story. At his much older age, he sat with his helmet in his hands, looking at his same brown eyes that never seemed to age brimming with tears and said to himself - I wish someone had told me.

The things he could’ve done to help. The shoulders he would’ve provided for his friends and leaders to cry on. He would’ve carried that weight. He would’ve fought beside them all. He should’ve been there. If only someone had told him.

And as he sat in his private quarters, set up just like his barracks all those years ago, with his General’s two very grown up children looking at him with both their Father’s and Mother’s eyes, faces, and hearts…he just wished so deeply that someone had told him everything sooner.

[crusherthedoctor]

Can you list anything you unironically like in the games (and cartoons and comics) that you don't like?

I won't bother mentioning music, since that goes without saying and is to be expected for a Sonic game... unless you're Chronicles.

Sonic Adventure 2 (mixed gameplay-wise, annoying story-wise) - While I prefer Sonic's SA1 levels for a number of reasons, I still think his and Shadow's gameplay in SA2 is fun on its own merit. I also don't mind the treasure hunting gameplay returning or how big the levels are this time around, since Knuckles and Rouge are still fast and not '06 levels of slow. It's mainly the gimped radar that creates the unfortunate domino effect of making them a problem.

- Introduced Rouge, one of my favourite characters for how playful she is and how she's a lot more nuanced and intelligent than you'd expect.

- Some genuinely good scenes, like Eggman's trap on the A.R.K and Sonic escaping from the G.U.N. helicopter.

- Had some good ideas going for it, like the Pyramid Base and the Biolizard as a scientific monster instead of an ancient one.

- Despite my thoughts on the backstory itself (or rather, its execution), Shadow has enough depth and subtle qualities and occasional unintended hilarity to stand out from the typical dark rival characters you see in media.

- The Last Scene's music in particular is one of my favourite cutscene tracks in the series.

Sonic Heroes (mixed gameplay-wise, loathed story-wise) - The gameplay is fun when you're not being screwed over by repetitive combat, overly long levels and/or ice physics.

- Boasts some of the most consistently Genesis-worthy environments in the 3D games, up there with SA1's and Colours'.

- The in-game dialogue that isn't the same tutorial drivel repeated ad nauseam can be interesting, funny, etc.

- Reintroduced the Chaotix, which provided me with another character I quite like in the form of Vector.

- Bringing Metal Sonic back in full force and front and center in the plot after a long absence (not counting cameos and the like) is a perfectly fine idea. Just... not like this.

Sonic Battle (decent yet repetitive gameplay, mixed story-wise) - Emerl's arc is compelling, and it earns the emotional weight of having to put him down at the end.

- While some characters are iffy (read: Amy), other characters are extremely well-handled. Shadow is probably the prime example.

- Gamma's belly dance healing animation is fucking hilarious.

- When I was young, and the game was first announced, I was really excited about being able to play as Chaos. This proved to be my downfall when it turned out he was arguably one of the worst characters in the game due to being slower than me during the writing process, but I still recall that excitement fondly.

Shadow the Hedgehog (comedy classic) - The sheer amount of legendary stupidity this game has going for it makes it practically impossible to actually hate. It helps that it's not quite as white-knighted on the same level as '06... usually. You know you're in for a unique experience when you hear a gunshot every time you click something in the menu.

- By extension, Black Doom never gained an unironic fanbase like Mephiles/Scourge/Eggman Nega did, which means I'm a lot more willing to take Doom's dumbass brand of villainy in stride. He even has a unique design... a terrible one that rips off Wizeman granted, but alas, even that is a step-up from Fridge Shadow and Bumblebee Eggman.

- Despite being... well, Shadow the Hedgehog, some of the environments would fit right in with any other Sonic game, like with Circus Park, Lava Shelter, and Digital Circuit. Even the Black Comet levels look pretty cool.

- This game understands amnesia better than IDW does.

Sonic '06 (what do you think?) - The obvious one: Shadow's character was handled pretty well, even if it came at the cost of everyone else being a dummy and being forced to interact with Mephiles.

- Like SA2, there are some good moments, like the Last Story ending sequence with Sonic and Elise.

- In the greatest form of irony ever, I like Solaris as a concept and design(s), and its backstory has potential to serve as a parallel with Chaos without being a complete ripoff. Iblis sucks, Mephiles sucks, but I'm fine with Solaris.

- Introduced legendary characters like Sonic Man, Pele the Beloved Dog, Hatsun the Pigeon, and Pacha from The Emperor's New Groove.

The Rivals duology (apathetic outside of Nega-related grumbling) - There were some cool zone ideas in both games that were sadly let down by the restrictive and limiting gameplay. I particularly like Colosseum Highway for thus far being the only full-on Roman level in the series instead of merely having a couple minor hints of Roman, and Meteor Base for the unique scenario of the space station being built into an asteroid. These level concepts and others deserve a second chance IMO. (At least Frontier Canyon got a second chance in the form of Mirage Saloon, amirite?)

- Ifrit has a better design than Iblis. Not saying it's amazing, but the Firebird motif it has going on is a lot more interesting for a fire monster than the Not-Chaos schtick they had with Iblis.

Sonic and the Secret Rings (a very frustrating gaming experience) - Erazor Djinn, A.K.A. Qui-Gon Djinn, A.K.A. Dr. N. Djinn, A.K.A. I'll Take It On The Djinn, A.K.A. Not From The Hairs On My Djinny Djinn Djinn, is one of the best villains not associated with Eggman in the series. He's a Mephiles-type character done right, and there's actual weight and reason to his actions, however sinister or petty.

- I don't have strong opinions either way on Shahra as a character, but the Sonic/Shahra friendship is sweet and well-handled.

- The ending is one of Sonic's greatest moments. The sheer contrast between how ruthlessly he deals with Erazor and how comforting he is towards Shahra speaks volumes... Still gonna make fun of the mountain of handkerchiefs though. (Before anyone lectures me, I understand the significance of it and can even appreciate it from that angle... doesn't mean I'm not allowed to poke fun at it. :P)

- Another game with some redeeming environments. I love the aesthetic of Night Palace, and Sand Oasis looks gorgeous too.

Sonic Chronicles (my personal least favourite game in the series) - Uh...

- Um...

- Er...

- I like Shade's design?

Sonic Unleashed (overrated game and story IMO) - The obvious two: the opening sequence and the Egg Dragoon fight deserve all the praise they get.

- Seeing Eggmanland come to life was an impressive moment to be sure. While part of me does feel it didn't quite measure up to what I had in mind (ironically, the Interstellar Amusement Park ended up being closer to what I had in mind), it still looks badass and works well for what it is. I also don't mind the idea of it being a one-level gauntlet... key word being idea.

- Obviously, the game looks great. Not a fan of the real world focus (real world inspiration is fine, but copy-pasting the real world and shoving loops in it is just unimaginative), but it can't be denied that the environments look good.

- This game pulled off dialogue options a lot better than Chronicles did, since they didn't rely on making Sonic OoC.

Sonic and the Black Knight (just kind of boring all around) - Despite my gripes with the story (Merlina wasn't nearly as fleshed out as her unique anti-villain status deserved, which ends up severely undermining the ambition of the plot in more ways than one, and the other characters go from being useless yes men for King Arthur to being useless yes men for Sonic), I will admit it provides interesting insight into Sonic's character.

- Like '06 and Secret Rings, the ending is very nice... well, aside from Amy being an unreasonable bitch ala Sonic X at the very end.

Sonic the Hedgehog 4 (apathetic) - The admittedly few new concepts sprinkled within had promise. They may not have been as fleshed out as they could have been, but level concepts like Sylvania Castle and White Park, bosses like Egg Serpentleaf and the Egg Heart, and story beats like the Death Egg mk.II being powered by Little Planet, all could have been brilliant had they been better executed.

SatAM (apathetic outside of SatAM Robotnik-related grumbling) - I'm not a fan of the environments on the whole due to them looking too bland or samey, but there are some exceptions that look pleasant or interesting, like the Void.

Sonic Underground (apathetic) - The character designs make me feel better about myself.

- Does "large quantities of unintentional meme material" count as a positive?

Sonic X (mostly apathetic outside of Eggman's handling) - Helen was a better human character and audience surrogate in her one focus episode than Chris was throughout his entire runtime.

- Actually, most of the human characters not named Chris were legitimately likable. Including everyone in Chris' own family not named Chris. Hilarious.

- Despite arguably having the most Chris in it, I actually don't mind the first season that much, partly due to slight nostalgia from seeing it on TV when it was new, but mostly because Eggman actually acted like a villain for the most part, and certain other characters weren't quite as flanderized yet. It's season 2 and onwards where things started going off the rails IMO. (Incidentally, Helen's episode was part of season 1...)

The Boom franchise (apathetic) - Along with Chronicles, the games provide yet more proof that just because someone isn't SEGA/Sonic Team, that doesn't mean they're automatically more qualified to handle the series.

- The show had some good episodes here and there, and Tails' characterization was probably the most consistently on-point out of the cast.

- Despite not exactly being favourite portrayals for either character, even I'll admit that many of Knuckles and Eggman's lines in the show on their own were genuinely funny.

Archie Sonic (pre-reboot is mostly terrible, post-reboot is mostly... bland) - Whenever I doubt myself as a writer, I think back to Ken Penders, and suddenly I'm filled with a lot more confidence.

Sonic the Comic (apathetic) - Fleetway isn't a comic I tend to recall much of aside from how much of a loathesome cunt Sonic is, but IIRC, Robotnik's portrayal is pretty good. Different, but good.

IDW Sonic (stop pissing me off, comic) - Putting their handling aside (and being too obviously "inspired" by MGS in the latter's case), Tangle and Whisper are good characters IMO.

- Same goes for Starline, before he was killed off-screen and replaced with Toothpaste Snively.

- Execution aside (noticing a pattern?), the zombot virus was a fine concept on its own and an interesting new scheme for Eggman.

- I get to remind myself that I've never drawn scat edits and posted them publicly on Twitter.

[operafloozy]

Author's Commentary - Another Time, Another Place

I’m doing some End of Year Author’s Commentary on some of the fics I wrote. The fanfic in question is here, if you want a refresher. It's the This is How You Lose the TIme War Shadowgast fusion.

My First Critical Role Fanfic! Started at the height of my Shadowgast Brain Rot, I saw a tumblr post asking why there wasn’t a This is How You Lose the Time War/ Shadowgast fusion, and I’d thought ‘huh, that seems doable’.

This is honestly an atypical one for me to start with - I’m a genficcer at heart. But I can write romance, and I’m actually interested in writing romance when it’s weird enough.

Do you need to read This is How You Lose the Time War first? Nope. Honestly, I didn’t get very far in my reread before starting this fic - I realized I really didn’t want to try and imitate the prose style, so I just wrote down all of the things I liked about This is How You Lose the Time War and went from there.

The working title was ‘This is How Shadowgast loses the Time War’. Another Time, Another Place comes from The Starless Sea, but I didn’t realize that at the time - I’d read The Starless Sea earlier that year.

The work is done. Essek takes a moment to catalogue his emotions: euphoria and disbelief, chased with a dash of sadness. He has taken centuries of dunamantic knowledge and synthesized it. A chain of two spells cast - an inflection scry to peer into other possible realities and see where they diverged, and another to unravel time carefully, surgically, to the right moment. The smallest of changes, performed perfectly, to get the desired result.

So - setting up a couple of things right off the bat. First - Essek’s relationship to his feelings is very clinical. He examines them, acknowledges them, and then puts them away for safekeeping. Secondly, a lot of this fic was explaining spellwork, and here’s the first two. The first version of the inflection scy, and the time jump.

The work brings to mind a process he saw a weaver demonstrate for him at his tutor’s behest, back when he was young and learning the basics of the arcane weave by first being introduced to more practical arts. The weaver, in demonstration, brought everyone close before carefully untwisting the ends of two pieces of string, then brought the needle between the individual threads to bind them all together as if there was never a break.

What I’m describing here is called a Russian join (tutorial and example here.) It’s used more in knitting than weaving, but shh. I also love the idea of weaving and pattern creation as related to spellcasting, and this was my way of putting it in here. This metaphor is probably the most indulgent thing I’ve put in here - it takes too long to explain, the second part is a few thousand words down, and it requires specialized knowledge that I shouldn’t expect the reader to have. I don’t care, I love it.

He has achieved what he wanted, to his great happiness and disbelief. The war has been won, the empire’s new ruler a consecuted puppet of the Kryn dynasty, and any traces of Essek’s minor infractions have been swept aside.

This was written before we knew about Den Dwendalos, but it does still surprise me that there was a consecuted person in the line for the Dwendalian throne and the Krynn Dynasty didn’t take advantage of that. Anyway, here they do!

I think I should complement you on your fine spellwork - having such an elegant solution to a difficult problem is impressive. It has been truly a pleasure to spend time with your notes and learning from you, as unintended a teacher you have been. It is truly a shame they will never be shared with anyone else. It will have to be our little secret, you and I, but I believe that you should know that you have one admirer in your last moments.

Bren Aldric Ermendrud

First letter! Bren has a flair for the dramatic.

Every possibility, every chance and stray thought fractals before him, and he strives for the one that lets him live.

Originally I’d planned to do more with the idea of possibility and chance and time in the same vein as the section above, but honestly? It got kind of repetitive and boring. I still like it as an introduction.

The Volstrucker program survives the regime change out of what might have been luck, political maneuvering, time manipulation, or some combination of the three. It can be difficult to tell the difference between manipulation and luck when an expert is involved, and Bren knows that Trent had a guiding hand.

Bren’s first POV, with a major hint that becomes important later - Essek (and later Bren) may not be the only ones manipulating the timeline, and more timeline manipulations might have already happened that Bren and Essek don’t know about.

In another timeline they might have worked together, the three of them. One where Trent did not learn that the trio were much easier to control when pitted against each other, and one where Astrid was not responsible for bringing him back into the fold. Only one of them can succeed; even if they found it in themselves to work together, they would have to choose two to be punished, and Bren is all too aware of the likelihood of betrayal.

Trent: even more of an asshole. Also, Bren knows that Astrid managed to find Bren after he escaped from the Sanatorium and rehabilitate him as a Volstrucker. He does not know that Astrid has manipulated the timeline to do that, and Astrid didn’t do enough research to find out the consequences.

Trent informs him that he expects Bren to be the one to master these spells under the semblance of privacy, though they both suspect that Astrid and Eadwulf are listening in.

We learn later that Astrid has already manipulated the timeline and Eadwulf probably has the knowledge to do so. I never made it clear whether Trent was manipulating the timeline also, but . . . probably. So, while Trent is saying this to Bren, Bren is actually the only one who hasn’t figured it out already (through no fault of his own, he had a later start than the rest).

He’s always been good at theory, and the theory here is elegant. Simple, straightforward, clean. The equations are unusual but sparse, using only what power and materials are necessary. It is not too difficult to fill in the gaps of the inflection scry spell - a braiding together of scry, basic dunamancy, and divination to compare other timelines and find what particular incident separated it from their own.

Bren starts slowly falling in love with Essek through his spellwork, as well he should.

Once he has the basics of the spell down, he changes the parameters and looks in the present echoes instead of the past.

And what I love about Shadowgast - Essek is the teacher, but Caleb (or Bren) is quick to put his own spin on things. Here’s the first change to the spell, and one he uses to great effect.

Nevertheless, he decides to find the author, a Kryn drow, and is able to view facets of his potential personality through half a dozen interactions - a defector, a traitor sitting in the Empire’s cells, as his torturer, as his mark, as a teacher, as a friend - enough to learn how to bypass the drow’s wards and leave him a short note.

And the start of Bren scrying on Essek. Which he does, a lot.

I truly do not know if I’m dealing with hubris or idiocy - did you think I would not be able to escape a mangled version of my own spell?

Bren is dramatic, Essek is catty. It’s great!

Feeling Bren’s treatment of his spells, over and over again as they duelled between contradictory timelines, writing and rewriting history, felt like watching the weaver spit. Admirable only in its efficacy, with so much room for improvement. Correcting Bren’s runework is a compulsion, and Essek’s not sure how to catalogue the feeling he has when he realizes that Bren has taken his advice to heart. He should not want to make his adversary a student.

What I’m describing in this section is a spit splice (tutorial/explanation here). It’s useful, quick and a lot less finicky than a Russian join. One problem here is that it’s used with feltable fiber, which silk is not. But, shh.

I’m also giving Essek a reason to engage with Bren, and that reason is perfectionism.

Essek scries on Bren once, at least a version of him that seemed not too far off from the one that hounds his heels.

Times Essek has scried on Bren: 1

Times Bren has scried on Essek: Approximately 56.

They meet in the flesh soon after, but the dunamantic weight of all of the paradoxes inherent in tearing down each other’s timelines collapses reality with a handshake. It’s painful. He does not dare make contact again.

This comes into play later - why can’t they just run away together? Answer: all of the times they’ve torn down each other’s realities makes it so they can’t be in the same place at the same time.

Essek finds another letter from Bren. It’s on an octagonal piece of paper that was, for some reason, stylish in one of the discarded timelines. He assumes its use was designed to draw his attention. It makes him wonder if he has possibly missed something more subtle in a previous timeline. Or maybe Bren is the type to overdo things. It would certainly explain the amount of time that Bren spends on scrying on him.

The Octagonal paper is a homage to Battlestar Galactica, in one of the most effective practical design choices I’ve seen in a Science Fiction Show - how to easily show something as otherworldly without making it sleek or shiny or technologically advanced? Cut off the corners of every single sheet of paper. It works!

Of course, communication has its own risks, but we’ve managed so far. I’m sure you’ll figure something out.

Be seeing you,

Bren

Bren: Still dramatic and a little smarmy. Essek’s kind of into it. (‘Be Seeing You’ is from The Prisoner, because I’m that asshole about references).

He is no stranger to unusual alliances, he has even shared knowledge with others that might wish to kill him, but never with someone whose continued existence was predicated on the disruption of his. And yet. The secondary runework transposition was something that took Essek months to figure out - one of the reasons why he was able to spot it so quickly in Bren’s work. He would be wise to admit to himself that has been treating Bren as a student, that it had felt good to have his work seen and understood by this mayfly foreigner.

Essek does want to be able to have someone to collaborate with - he’s desperate enough that he’s willing to collaborate with Bren, even though they’re both trying to kill each other (and they can’t be in the same area without destroying reality).

His world has gotten smaller since this has begun - with days spent scrying and watching other timelines, plotting his next move has left little time for the Bright Queen’s court or anywhere else he might find himself placed by Bren’s changes. It’s not as if he’s ever had to face the consequences of his neglect. In these timelines, Bren is the only thing that feels real.

I didn’t get too far into it, but I do like that this is part of the attraction for the two of them. It works incredibly well for the heightened romanticism.

At least he takes comfort in the fact that Essek has stopped dispelling his scry once it appears - never warding himself, Bren notes, but he has always banished Bren with an elegantly executed rude gesture. Essek still looks for him now, but he only looks slightly annoyed, even angling his book to allow Bren to see if he is in the right mood. Once he was working on account reconciliation forms and he held it up to the source of the spell, gesturing at it, until Bren finally relented and left the scry.

This is starting the part of the fic that I like to think of ‘taking all of the suggestions on how to keep intimacy alive in a long distance relationship and do them badly’. This part: Video Calls! Their ability to communicate is limited, but I like the sort of playfulness that Essek is starting to exhibit towards Bren.

And so, Bren spends all the time he can finding out information on Essek, all Esseks, to better outthink him.

He also just likes the guy, not that he'll admit it to himself yet. Essek is very clinical about his feels, Bren is much better at lying to himself.

He begins to look at the versions where they are friends - Essek seems to not have many options; mostly himself, a brother, and a set of tieflings he’s seen a few times that seem to annoy him more than anything.

The tieflings are Molly and Jester.

He finds a version of himself, tired and sporting odd eye tattoos on his hand and neck, in a magical tower filled with starlight. This world’s Essek stands nearby, drinking in every aspect of this room, commenting excitedly about some potential. Meanwhile the echo of Bren is staring at Essek, cataloguing every aspect of his eyes, his cheekbones, his nose, the shape of his jaw.

This isn’t our version of the tower scene (Caleb’s tattoos are in a different location, as a hint), but it’s close to it.

Maybe Essek - the Essek who is currently looking for ways to destroy him - has the right idea. Maybe there’s nothing to be gained by looking at these alternate versions. There is too much noise in the data.

Bren isn’t ready to consider the fact that he might be about to fall in love with Essek, just yet.

A gift to start: you are right, I figured out something. I created an alternate version of Timejump that allows you to send information to a specific person before the spell fades. It is more expensive to cast, and a bit of a niche interest, but I think the two of us will get some use out of it. It is better with sound but can also send images. Now here, a test: I will send you a few seconds of this spell, written out, to see if you can copy it. And another spell - this one a variation of the inflection scry that allows you to inhabit the other version of you for a short time - see if you can get it to be more stable. I admit it is giving me a little trouble. Maybe if you use this one you can stop making every potential version of me so paranoid about who is scrying on them.

How quick is your mind, I wonder? I look forward to finding out. Don’t forget to jump before it’s too late. It would be disappointing if this were to be the end.

E

An alteration on the timejump spell, plus a suggested alteration on the timescry spell (which Bren later uses during the Essek at the Cobalt Soul scene). Also, Bren has been scrying on a lot of Esseks.

The longer silences seem to happen more often now that Bren has perfected his Temporal Transposition spell, as he calls it.

Temporal Transposition is the alteration on the timescry spell that Essek asked about last section.

Essek is working on selective memory removal, minding the long term effects of consecution and wanting to avoid something similar within himself.

Part of the reason why I had Essek made the connection between consecution and what he was going through was so he could make this connection - that maybe having dozens of competing memories was not the best for overall health. He’s essentially creating a pensieve, and one he can use later.

Do you ever rest? I know drow don’t need to sleep, but do you ever lay down your burdens, walk inland until oars become shovels, experience another life? Did you realize that you could?

This section is based off of one of my favorite parts of This Is How You Lose the Time War - where Blue goes and lives a full lifetime in peace, but ends up missing Red. I also like to imagine that this is their version of the ‘try to enjoy your time separated from your partner, but also check in on them’ advice.

In my mind, my existence at least, I have spent years at peace. When I first gained access to your spell, I did not use it against you, but instead fulfilled one of my oldest dreams.

This is referenced way at the beginning, that early disappointment. One of the questions I had to answer was why Bren/Caleb’s first response wouldn’t be to save his parents - and the answer is. He did. He just couldn’t live as that Bren anymore.

I was not wholly at peace but peaceful enough, and yet, I’ve returned to you. I could not help thinking about what I had left behind, thinking in contexts that only you would be able to understand. I missed the fight. I missed you.

And I felt the world begin to decay, just a little. You were still out there, presumably far away, and the weight of our combined paradoxes began to wear on reality. We’ve destroyed each other too often to live in peace, but I could not get myself to destroy you for good.

This is sort of the turning point for Bren/Caleb, where he actually has time to reflect on his actions and realize feelings.

The letter was not signed, not even orally, though there was a choked off k-- sound before the end.

This timeline is where Bren starts thinking of himself as Caleb, and he forgets he wasn’t Bren anymore at the end.

He does not remember. It never occurred to him that he would not remember other time jumps, even though he wrote the spell that way, because it had never occurred to him that anyone would redo their own work, or that there would be anything more than two wizards.

Jokes on him! There are more than two wizards.

Essek has started using inflection scry to check on Bren, different Brens (not always called Bren), in the quiet moments. He’s found him helping care for a halfling child, and with a tiefling or a half orc. With two other humans, or having joined the circus. The happiest version he found of Bren was as an island leader, completely without memory but surrounded by a community. That vacant smile will haunt him.

Running down the list - some version of Widobrave or at least Caleb rasing Luc, Widofjord, Widomauk, Widojest, Blumendrei, and a version where Caleb becomes a circus man. And then there’s the Rumblecusp failure scenario. Yes, this was an excuse to try to fit as many different Caleb ships into as small a line as possible.

But also - Essek misses Bren, too.

It is unusual for Bren to be as alone as the real version is. Bren, all of the Brens, draw people in, and Essek wonders if Bren knows that it is a talent or thinks it’s natural to never be alone. Essek also knows that he is not immune. There are worlds where their lives are intertwined in a more pedestrian way than they are now. Essek shies away from those timelines. They seem like a siren’s call, beautiful and tempting and painful. They are not his. Essek has never dealt well with the possibility of something out of his reach, so better to keep his mind away from it.

Essek, in some ways more in touch with his emotions and realizes he would like to be with Bren, but is also later to the scry on your partner game. Essek also brings this up at the end - Bren, unlike Essek, is a people person.

But he wonders - why is the real Bren different from all his echoes? What was the inflection that made him turn away from others?

Wonder if that will come up later!

Bren finds Essek in the Cobalt Soul by pure luck. Finding timelines where he is able to gain access to the Cobalt Soul’s library but not have to fight his alternate’s mind to do the research he wants is difficult, and he did not bother checking anything more than the basics of magical theory and his access to the Cobalt Soul before attempting the Temporal Transference.

So, important parts - the whole reason why I set up the idea of Temporal Transference is to have this section. Bren didn’t timejump here, he’s doing the modify scry spell that lets you jump into another timeline for a little bit. So he gets to actually interact with An Essek, but not his Essek.

This was before there was much (if any) Essek and Beau or Essek and the Cobalt Soul stuff in fandom, and actually have a good amount of backstory for this Essek and Beau’s friendship. It’s kind of far down on my to-do list for stories to write, but who knows! I might get to it.

Caleb, well, Bren - then he allows himself to be Caleb - he has been both, along with an Aldric and a Leofric and a Hunold and many more, but now he feels more like Caleb. And who would know, in the privacy of his own mind? Why should he fight it?

Hunold was the closest I allowed myself to get to a male version of Una, because Uno wasn’t going to fly. Also, after this, neither Caleb nor Essek refer to Caleb as Bren - the closest is when Caleb refers to a job the Bren in his current timeline had. Let's just say it awakened something in him.

There is an inn in Uthodurn that is a particular favorite - the next time you find yourself in a timeline where the Underrest exists (I’ve found it usually does), I recommend going there. I’ve spent hours there, reading The Song of Torros and Yanith with a bowl of their spider mushroom soup cooling next to me.

LDR Suggestion: Share your interests with your partner - favorite food and books, for example! (this is also partially taken from This is How You Lose the Time War)

Time unravels. Caleb jumps. He places one hand on the other, holding it, remembering.

There’s a reason why I tagged this ‘2005 Pride and Prejudice Handclench Energy’

It takes not a little bit of experimentation, occasionally with painful results, to discover that the effects of the paradox are lessened outside of the major planes. Caleb creates a mansion for them both to use.

LDR Suggestion: Take Vacations Together to meet up! This was the last section to be finished - and it changed a lot. It helped when I realized that Caleb hadn’t done any sort of gift giving for Essek, and how to rectify that.

Still, it’s a start. Essek works on his own demiplane - this one more permanent, if less spacious. It’s a bare stone room of thirty feet, but it will last as long as their current reality. Essek figures out how to slow time in the space - casting the spell on the prime material plane, but letting the inside last a day to the prime material plane’s hour. They can sit next to each other, speak to each other for full minutes before the paradox runs them both to ground.

The bending time and reality to be together portion, important for any shadowgast fic.

The one time Caleb’s thumb brushed Essek’s hand as they passed a note, the world disintegrated around them. Essek remembers locking eyes with Caleb, bright blue and fearful as his body blurred, becoming soft and out of focus before disappearing as Caleb finished his spell.

I think this is one of the first images i had for this fic, I still love it. A lot of the temporal paradox stuff came about partially because I wanted to explain this.

He doesn’t mind the letters so much. They’ll still send messages when they rewrite time, but he misses having something he can carry, something of Caleb’s that he can touch without consequences, something that won’t disappear in eight hours

More 2005 Pride and Prejudice Handclench Energy

Why Der Katzenprinz? It was a passing fancy, to be honest. I loved the story as a child. I did not have the most robust health when I was young (I see that you are shocked), and I loved the family cat, so it called to me.

I was a little worried that Widojest had claimed Der Katzenprinz and featuring it in a Shadowgast fic would be considered a faux pas. In my defense, I’ve dealt with some pretty harsh ship wars in the past.

If I could have more than one lifetime, I would still choose to share them all with you.

I had an idea that this was actually a line from Essek’s favorite book (that Caleb had just read), but it felt clumsy to mention it directly.

For once, he does not try to inspect and categorize his feelings, but he knows, he knows. And it is not something he can feel hopeful about, not yet.

Essek is too careful for an Oh moment, so this is as close as he can get.

Caleb has made it easy on himself in this timeline; Trent is dead, Astrid is the Archmage of Civil Influence, and Bren’s job is far more nebulous.

So! What’s Astrid been up to? Murdering Trent. She’s got her own version of timejump, but instead of Caleb and Essek’s version, hers allows her to specify who remembers each jump each time. Caleb just sort of assumes that Trent is dead here because it was Caleb’s idea. I didn’t specify this in the fic because a) there’s no reason for Astrid to tell anyone about it, b) it seemed like kind of a distraction and raises more questions that’d take more time to answer.

I have a tendency to have Astrid do a secret murder every single time she shows up in one of my fics (it’s happened twice, but still). I should keep it up.

Astrid leaves him a note coded to his eyes only. She’s more likely to deal with him indirectly in most timelines now, Caleb is not sure why but doesn’t typically object to the distance.

She’s fighting the same temporal paradox as Caleb and Essek, though at a much lower level. C’mon Caleb, there’s so many clues right in front of you! But yes, now that she’s gotten her number one goal of Trent Murder down, she kind of wants the timejumps to stop so she doesn’t have to worry about him coming back.

As a friendly warning, this world is going to dissolve approximately ninety seconds after you finish this message. See how easy that is? I think we are both due some basic courtesy at this point. I saved your notes, too, I’ll have you know. And the cat figurines.The furniture will need to be reacquired.

I love how Essek goes from sulky to worried in this letter. (Also, him saving the Cat Figurines, because he is in love)

They had tested the memory transference on each other first.

LDR Suggestion: Share your favorite memories with each other! (No! Not like that!). Also, this is the longest section, because there’s actually dialogue.

Caleb had tried to be clinical when choosing which memories to share; does he feel everything this much? How does he function? It is only through years of practice compartmentalizing his own emotions that he is able to stand with grace. Even then, Eadwulf smirks at Essek when he finds himself inspecting Eadwulf’s arms.

Demisexual Essek suddenly getting a taste of what it’s like to be Bisexual Maelstro- prone, and does not know how to cope. (I think this part is funny, but also was a little worried that it would skeeve people out. Uh, hope it’s okay.)

His borrowed emotions are so overwhelming that he almost misses that Astrid has the same faint static around her that he associates with Caleb now: one that has overwritten his timeline before.

You see Caleb, Essek notices.

“I brought him back, you know,” she continues. He did know, though the time in Caleb’s memories between his escape from Vergesson and his capture was too short for Caleb to have been going by any name. “Originally, it was only the two of us - Eadwulf and I. Trent gave us a complete set of your notes, and the first thing I did when I figured them out was bring him back to us. I should have been more careful on the other parameters, in retrospect.”

The reveal! The inflection point that made Bren a loner! Well, one of them - I assume that Trent also got involved to keep them separate, but also, he wouldn’t necessarily need to timejump to be manipulative.

“So you could have him fight me instead of you doing it yourself.” The accusation was too plain, all Caleb bleeding out.

Am I really writing fanfiction if there are no identity issues?

Astrid looks unimpressed, while Eadwulf looks downright contemptuous. “I have spent more time with Trent than he has in any lifetime. What makes you think we haven’t already done our own research?”

So, on one hand - Caleb was right that Astrid’s #1 goal would be to kill Trent. Unfortunately, he failed to notice that Astrid had already killed Trent.

“And you are keeping Bren as a collaborator. A few memories aren’t the same as a dialogue. How are you managing that, by the way?”

“I am not here to barter Caleb away - he is his own person, and he is making his own choices.”

Interesting note - one reason why this section is so long is that Essek is noting every movement Astrid and Eadwulf make. These are the only two lines that don’t have any dialogue tags, and it’s because it’s the only time that Essek reacts without thinking.

“I don’t know if you remember it,” and ah, that’s interesting, the way that Eadwulf comes to attention at those words. He wishes desperately that he could get his hands on their copy of the timejump spell, just to see what changes they’ve made.

So, what’s Eadwulf been up to? I always hate when he gets left out, but I didn’t want him to copy Astrid. So, I remembered his reaction to the modify memory in Nicodranas, and decided what he would probably want to do is have the ability to remember every single jump (there’s a wisdom save involved). So, not quite the timejump spell, but there’s a reason why Essek notices something here.

“Where did this take place?” Eadwulf asks, quiet and still. He looks less threatening and more deadly than he did a moment before.

Eadwulf remembers, of course - he’s testing to see if Essek does. But also - remember that theory that Essek had about how remembering too many timejumps would probably drive someone insane? Eadwulf is feeling the effects - there’s another reason why he would want the memory potion.

Eadwulf locks eyes with Astrid and gives the smallest of nods. “We only need a set of each, but we’ll take them - and your bargain. Tell Bren to keep the extra memories,” he says.

The Trent memories are going to be used for research, Astrid gets the Port Zoon memories.

In the end, Essek leaves four vials for Caleb: the two left by Astrid and Eadwulf, another vial with the borrowed memories returned as best he can, and the memory of his meeting.

Fellas, is it gay to share the final memories of your crush’s exes, where said exes flirted with you so they could flirt with him by proxy? I mean, I wrote this fanfic with weird moments of intimacy in mind, so.

The final jump feels anticlimactic. It feels like any other until they are there, in a grassy field at twilight, staring at one another.

The solution to all of their Dunamantic problems? Timejump into Pathfinder (kind of). Essentially, find a world where Dunamancy doesn’t exist. Which I made harder for them - I wrote up the rules, but essentially they set up the parameters and then had to use the wish spell to actually be able to use Dunamancy to jump into a timeline that doesn’t have Dunamancy.

After that, they only had to live with each other, and what they’ll have given up. Hopefully the cost will not prove to be too high. Caleb has no fears for himself - if anything, his time changing realities has made him realize how little he’d had before. But he worries for Essek.

So I have plans for a sequel - have since I published this, and have some of it half written (other stuff has gotten in the way). And a lot of that deals with this, but also - how isolated they are. I’m not actually the type of romantic who likes the ‘tight orbit, fuck everything else’ romance, and what would it be like, to find themselves on a world where they have no ties to anything and have to go out and, like, meet people.

Spoiler: They’re bad at it, they live in a shack and barely talk to anyone for a year until that world’s version of Beauregard knocks on their door and asks for the weird wizards’ help (the rest of the Nein are there too).

He breathes in Essek’s scent. He feels Essek shake, whether it is relief or laughter or tears he can’t tell, and then Caleb realises he is doing the same. He kisses Essek’s hair and memorizes the feel of it, of Essek’s jewelry against his shoulders and skin, things he never thought to imagine before. He traces the line of Essek’s ear down to his jaw, runs a callused finger across his lips. Essek is clutching at his back, his eyes closed, face half buried in Caleb’s chest as if he’s listening for his heart. Caleb takes a deep breath, then another, and Essek moves with him.

Look, it’s been a long pandemic, everyone just wants a hug. But also - I have to say that it’s pretty damn typical of me to write a romance where the characters can’t even touch each other without potentially dooming reality until the last two paragraphs.

This may be enough, Caleb thinks to himself. Being here, together, they may be enough.

Note to self: think up another ending besides characters deciding that what they’ve gotten is enough (which is my way of being like ‘yep, I’ve had an arc, I’m satisfied).

Anyway, thank you for joining me on this journey! This was a fun one to revisit.

[agent-cupcake]

First prize winner @elmentrysworld wanted a Claude x Yuri x Reader story that takes place after my Claude x Reader oneshot Aletheia. I’m splitting it up because my life has been… A lot these days and I wanted to post SOMETHING

I hope you enjoy it regardless?

Claude x Yuri x Reader - Part 1 of 2

This part is sfw, but the next part will not be

//

News spread throughout the palace like wildfire.  Even when it was meant to be kept quiet. No, especially then. Claude had a visitor. Mysterious, foreign, he came without notice and had been quickly hurried out of sight. It was strange to be sure. He hadn’t called for you, but Claude knew as well as you did that you’d find out and come anyway, no invitation needed. That was just the way of things, both of you were too nosy for your own good. The casual way in which you regarded the lapse of propriety once would have shocked you, but now it felt as natural as breathing.

It was his fault. Honesty, transparency, tearing down all the walls that would divide you.

Thinking about that made your chest ache in a hollow, bitter way. You still weren’t entirely sure where you were with him. Things had been unsteady since that night. Or, perhaps, too steady. He was so eager to get everything back to normal. And it worked. Mostly. When you were together, you could readily believe in everything Claude had told you. You could buy into his vision of what you were meant to be, who you were to him. But alone, well. Things were always harder when you were alone. Sometimes something frightening welled up within you. It was not the fear, or the anger, or the helplessness. It was the doubt create by the memory of those things.

You were almost able to ignore it, to cast aside your fractured memory of that night.

But that word was the kicker. Almost.

After being so flush with conviction, to be caught in uncertainty was agonizing.

It was his fault.

You shook that bitter thought from your head with a nearly violent jerk, taking advantage of the dark halls to cover the spastic movement. There were far more important things to focus on than your own personal melodrama. That was the way of it, of everything, wasn’t it?

A mysterious visitor. That would be a good distraction.

The door to Claude’s sitting room was cracked ever so slightly. A trap probably, left open just for you. Or you were reading too far into things. It didn’t matter much, as there was just enough space for you to pause, breath held and ears straining to listen through the narrow opening. There were voices from within, two of them. Male. Unaccented. You hesitated there, unable to make out any of the words, only aware of when they stopped abruptly.

“You can come in, you know,” Claude called from within, his voice raised enough to reach where you hovered. It caused you to start. A deserved surprise, all things considered. “How long were you hiding there?” Claude asked as you stepped past the threshold, not surprised to see that it was you. A trap, then. Or, more charitably —and Claude was so charitable— an invitation.  

“I wasn’t hiding,” you told him, although there was a certain unintended edge to the words that made them seem deflective. Claude sat in his usual chair, a big, comfortable throne of seat that was plush enough for him to take up any manner of unusual reading postures. In the chair across from him sat the guest, the second voice you’d been hearing.

Yuri Leclerc, apparently, had decided to visit. Instantly, every defense you were in possession of was thrown forward, your instincts recognizing the man as a threat before your mind could catch up. He was watching you with too-keen eyes and an unreadable expression. Yuri was the type of man that was almost always unreadable. Or smirking. Plotting, planning, not too unlike your king. Only, where Claude thrived in the sun dappled world of politics, Yuri was a shadowy figure in the night. The most formidable criminal player in Fódlan. And here he was, watching you approvingly in the familiar comfort of Claude’s sitting room like he belonged there.

A thousand questions jumped to mind, but you stifled them. That would be rude. After all, Yuri was a friend. Or so Claude said. You smiled. “I was merely trying to think of a good enough excuse so that when I interrupted, it wouldn’t seem so suspicious. Then you would so graciously invite me to join you.”

“And how’d that go?” Claude asked, playing into your game without blinking. “Did you think of one?”

”Oh, sure. I came to tell you about a strange visitor that’s come to the castle.” You looked at Yuri, meeting his eyes for as long as you could bear before looking away. Of all of the people Claude knew from Fódlan, he was the most interesting. And the most dangerous. You resisted the urge to squirm under the scrutiny of his eyes. “Very strange and mysterious. Probably a foreigner. Possibly dangerous.”

Claude laughed. “Right. Well, I’d hate to compromise on security. Would you like to join us?”

“If you insist,” you said, shutting the door fully behind you and taking in a big breath. “It’s been awhile, Yuri.”

“It seems that all of us have been quite busy,” he responded warmly, standing up to greet you. In all the time that had passed, you had forgotten about how pretty Yuri was. Or perhaps it just wasn’t something that you could remember, his image intangible and vague when you weren’t directly exposed to it, like the lingering tendrils of a dream that caught as fleeting fancy in the waking world. In fact, Yuri did possess a strange, elusive dream-like quality. At a glance, anyone could tell that he was most definitely from the west, what with that paper-white skin and light violet hair, his narrow features and that slim build. Considering his reputation, it was nearly paradoxical that he would be so strikingly feminine. But this, too, was a weapon.

You almost would have preferred he show up with a sword in your face. At least you would know how to react to that, would be able to keep a cool head.

“It’s a pleasure to see you again.” Yuri took your hand, pressing a kiss to its back when he bowed. Although you knew this to be a western tradition of introduction —Claude had taught you all manner of western traditions— Yuri’s method was disarming. Far too charming to be authentic, but not slimy enough to read as deceptive.

“You too,” you said, bowing in turn while doing your best to keep from seeming affected by his demeanor. Yuri, just like Claude, was the type of man who enjoyed playing with people. It was, you supposed, apart of his charm. The type of charm that made your teeth clench.

“Yuri and I were just discussing his trip,” Claude said, seemingly oblivious to Yuri’s flirtatious greeting. Or dismissing it as Yuri’s usual antics. Or, no, Claude’s smirk told you that he was fully aware of your flustered reaction and found it entertaining. You pushed down the impulse to scowl at the man. “Apparently, a group of bandits has been making a nuisance of themselves along Fódlan’s Throat.”

“A group of bandits had been making a nuisance of themselves along Fódlan’s Throat,” Yuri corrected, sitting back down gracefully. You followed suit, albeit with far less poise. You didn’t believe yourself to be an awkward person per se, but he could make anyone look like a lumbering oaf by comparison. “When I heard that there was trouble with a group of Almyran merchants coming into Fódlan, I got permission from Holst to gather a group of my best men and follow a shipment coming out of Fódlan into Almyra.” His lip pulled back slightly, a slight expression of disgust. Just a blink later, it had passed, his face composed back into airy calm. “For all the trouble they caused, they were nothing but a lousy group of thugs without a single shred of sense between them. The only reason they’d done as much damage as they had was because of their terrain advantage.”

“And?” Claude prompted dryly. For all of his personal dramatics, he often lacked the patience to indulge anyone else’s.

Yuri smiled, undeterred. “Let’s just say they won’t be bothering anybody else.”

There was no question as to what that meant with that suggestive grin. You didn’t envy the bandits. Then again, you didn’t pity them, either. As far as you were concerned, men like that deserved what they got. For all of the many ways Claude disagreed with you about acts of violence and death, he obviously felt the same. Or maybe it was just okay when Yuri did it.

“I suppose you’ll be wanting a reward for this good deed,” Claude said.

“I couldn’t possibly,” Yuri said with a wave of his hand. “Besides, several merchants have already made their appreciation abundantly clear. Their gratitude is all the reward I need. Besides, it wasn’t entirely unselfish. Bandits hurt my business, too.”

“You have my thanks all the same,” Claude said. “I mean that.”

“Will you be going back to Fódlan soon, then?” you asked. You didn’t meant to sound so eager, but the words came out that way all the same.

“I have business here, actually,” Yuri answered. One of his carefully manicured eyebrows raised. “Why, are you that eager to see me gone?”

Gods, his eyes practically cut through to your soul, twinkling in amusement. “I didn’t mean it like that,” you said, trying to remain steady. “But, you know, having a foreigner hanging around during times like this could be inconvenient. There’s quite a bit of unrest already and your line of work is, well, it could cause issues here.” Not to mention the fact that you still didn’t know if you could trust him and were at least mostly certain that him being here could cause upset in your relationship with Claude. That last thought came out of nowhere, hitting you hard and leaving you breathless. You cast a side eye to Claude, jumping slightly when his gaze met yours. Too perceptive. You looked away.

“I promise not to cause any trouble,” Yuri said, putting on an air of sincerity despite the small smirk he still wore. “Besides, it was quite an ordeal to get here, my men and I need some rest before we can make the trip back. You wouldn’t be so cold as to ask me to put myself or my men at risk, now would you?”

Your eyes narrowed, but you shrugged. “That’s my opinion as an advisor, it has nothing to do with me being cold. In any case, it’s not up to me.” You looked at Claude pointedly. His expression was difficult to read, his fingers resting on his chin as he considered it.

“As long as you agree not to cause any trouble, I welcome you to stay as long as you would like,” Claude finally said to Yuri. “And since you seem so concerned about his presence,” he continued, turning to you, “why don’t you keep an eye on him? I’m sure Yuri could use a guide. Assuming that works for you, Yuri.”

“I have no objections,” he responded, flashing you a brilliant grin. “I look forward to getting to know you even better. Who knows, maybe we can even become friends.” Gods, did he have to say everything like it was a proposition? Even the word “friend” was heavy with implications when it came from his mouth. In spite of yourself, you felt your stomach clench, the fine hairs on the back of your neck standing on end.

“Claude,” you bit out between your teeth. “I’m not sure-”

“Great! Then its settled,” Claude said, cutting you off. “Well, it’s getting late and I am just beat. I’m gonna hit the hay.” He stood, stretching and yawning in an exaggerated way that only he could make look like anything less than a farcically bad performance. “Yuri, you’re more than welcome to take a room in the palace if you can find a maid to prepare one for you. They have a thing about outsiders so it might be somewhat of a hunt, but I’m sure she’d be happy to help.”

“Wait a min-”

“Actually,” Yuri cut you off, standing. “I already have a place in town. Wouldn’t want to be too far from my men in case something goes wrong. I suppose that’s my not so subtle cue to leave.” He paused, his head tilting slightly as he looked at you. “I’m staying at the Silkstone Inn, in case you want to come keep an eye on me. I could use a guide to show me around the city.” He smirked. “I promise to make it worth your while.”

“That’s not necessary,” you said flatly.

“Heh, nevertheless. Goodnight.” Yuri tipped his head towards you. “Claude, it was a pleasure seeing you again. I hope we can catch up while I’m in town.”

“I’m sure I can find some time to entertain you. I’d love to swap secrets, for old times sake.”

“Now that sounds like fun. Until then.” Yuri didn’t wait for an answer, exiting without asking for Claude’s leave, dramatic cape flaring behind him.

Impudent scoundrel.

You stood. “Can we talk, Claude?”.

“Too tired,” Claude said, the words disfigured by another yawn. This one was far less convincing. Your eyes narrowed.

“You pawned me off to be a… A babysitter,” you said. “I had no idea he was going to be here, I didn’t plan for this at all.” You pulled in a large steadying breath, not that it did much to settle you. “Be honest, Claude, is this your way of punishing me?”

“I’m not punishing you,” Claude said, his facade of fatigue fading away as he read your expression, gaze holding yours. His eyes were too sharp, too astute. It made you uncomfortable, a sense of transparency rippling through you like a shiver. All the doubt you’d been secretly harboring was in your eyes. You knew it, and you knew that he did, too. “Truth be told, I didn’t know that Yuri would be coming, either. But… that’s not what you meant, is it?”

“It is,” you told him sharply, disliking that question intensely.

“No, no, this isn’t about Yuri. There’s something that’s been bothering you. After our little conversation the other night, I would have thought you’d be able to open up and tell me what you’re thinking. I can’t read your mind, you know.” Could have fooled you. He sighed, frowning. “You’re upset about something, I can tell that much. Are you… Angry with me? I hoped that it would get better, but it’s not, is it?”

A question. Yes or no. Simple.

Honesty was sweet and vile. Your hands clenched into tight fists and the taste of sugar was thick on your tongue, heat creeping in on the edges of your mind. It all came up, sugary bile in your throat and in your head. You hated yourself for your answer but he had asked you a question and expected the truth.

“I’m not angry with you,” you told him. “That’s the truth, you don’t even need to drug me to hear it. I’m not angry with you. How could I be? After all, you’re my king. My lover. For me, there is nobody else. And I’m-I’m okay with it, I’m not angry with you.” Words that had brewed as a cutting critique of his treatment, that you had meant to use to hurt Claude, ended up lacking any of the rage you had originally intended. That was the nature of the truth, the unpredictability of emotion. Looking into Claude’s eyes, you melted. The feeling wasn’t sweet, or feverish, or synthetic. Honesty was painful. Honesty was crippling. “How could I be angry with you?”

Claude’s expression fell. It might have been your intention in all the time those words had been brewing in your chest but actually seeing his pain nearly broke your heart.

“I’ve been going about this the wrong way, haven’t I?” He ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head. The silence was long and awkward, your words echoing in your mind, each pass creating a feedback of regret for having spoken in such a way. “Maybe we should take a break from this little scandal of ours. I’ve got the feeling you need some time to think.”

“Think about what?” you asked.

“What you want,” Claude said. At your scandalized expression, he was quick to continue, “I don’t mean give up your position, at least not for now, but we can’t continue on with this hanging over us. I’m asking you to help out a friend while he visits because I don’t trust anyone else to do it. That’s all there is to this.” He waved his hand in a vague gesture. “As to everything else… Please, just think about what it is that you really want. Whatever it is you choose,” he shrugged, “I suppose we’ll go from there.”

“After everything you’ve done,” you said, a block of ice in your stomach, “that’s it?”

“What? Not at all,” Claude said, seemingly surprised by your accusation. “But I can’t force you to feel something if you don’t. The heart wants what it wants, right? Right.” He yawned again, this one far more authentic. He really did look tired. You hadn’t noticed that before. “And right now, my heart wants a good night’s sleep. You should think about getting some, too. You’ve got a big day ahead of you.”  

You winced.

“Don’t make that face, everything is gonna work out just fine.” Whether he was talking about Yuri or you or your relationship, you weren’t sure. Maybe all of it, maybe none. Claude kissed your cheek in a shockingly chaste way and didn’t invite you to his bed, even though you were half certain you’d have agreed despite everything. He bid you goodnight.

The wind teased you that night, billowing in your curtains and kissing chills onto your skin as you thrashed around in your bed in the search of a comfortable position. You thought about doubt, and choices, but did finally get to sleep. Small mercies.

[itsmyregularcat]

Submitted by anon _________________________ he criminal

sorry about my ask leaving you with a lot of questions (oof)

macavity but he's misto's height. they (the jellicles) could just pick him up and yeet him at the nearest wall.

(yeet autocorrected to meet)

although, I like your interpretation of my ask better than, well, what I meant.

macavity and other short, magical cats meeting up at some random wall? cool!

macavity going by he/they? cool!

the jellicles finding out about Macavity's preferred pronouns and altering his song to accommodate such? cool!_______________________________________

No need to apologize. You sowed the seeds anon, and the winds of life cast them about in an unintended way. I merely grew ideas as watered foliage growing in the cracks of existence.

I still imagine that if Macavity played nice (and maybe all the inferred past digressions were not too bad), the Jellicles would not have to throw him / them at a wall. I do not think they are violent with anyone of than Mac. He is always starting shit to piss them off, and if Demeter was abused, Mac deserves the violence.

Aside from this , maybe he / they was frustrated how they felt at the prospect of a changing identity, and thusly became the 'mystery cat'. Maybe everything in the song is made up, and grandiose in a performance type way to hype him up. Everyone knows the Jellicles would never discriminate against Macavity due his identity or gender.

Anyway, yeet.

[eirian-houpe]

Working Wednesday (on Thursday)

I didn’t get as much writing done last week as I had planned, but I did get a lot of things transferred over to Scrivener. Here is the state of my current WIPs

The Library Beneath the Clock Tower: AU Cursed Storybrooke. (Inspried by/based on The Bookshop on the Corner: A Novel, by Jenny Colgan)

Storybrooke has no library, and neither does Belle, not since the library where she worked in Boston discovered her past as an inpatient at a mental hospital. Taking her future into her own hands, Belle travels to Storybrooke where her intention is to open up the town library, but all does not go according to her plan. Obstacles and false starts, and diversion along very wrong pathways interrupt her journey toward fulfilling her dream, as well as taking her rightful place and becoming a part of the Storybrooke community. - Aside from planning, nothing new since the last update.

All Our Past Mistakes: AU Non-Cursed Storybrooke

Doctor Gold, professor of history at the local campus of Maine University, is stuck in a loveless, and one might say abusive relationship with a wife who is less than attentive to their family, and whom he suspects cares little for her marital vows. His resolve to maintain his own faithfulness is sorely tested by the presence of one of his new students - a junior by the name of Belle French - whom it seems fate is determined to put in his way. The two become embroiled in a passionate, and redemptive relationship, but not before suffering numerous setbacks and separations. This is no instantaneous happy ever after, but a tale of two hurt souls finding their way together through darkness and despair. - 1,106 words of the next chapter written

Disparate Pathways: AU and Remix of Witness Protection, which was written for the 2019 RSS.

Gold has a past, a past that he has rejected, but it seems one that will not let him go. Belle, daughter of Governor Maurice French has been kidnapped, along with her mother, and just as the authorities raid the organization that is holding her hostage, decides to make her own bid for freedom, unknowingly derailing an undercover sting, and Agent Milnor has not choice but to take her into ‘protective custody,’ but is he all that he seems? As the threads of the story grow more tangled and the threat to Belle, and to Gold, her appointed protector, grow ever more real, a growing, mutual attraction makes everything far more desperate and far too personal for Gold to ignore what he knows to be the truth. - no change since last update

Scattered: AU OUAT, where the curse didn’t quite happen the way it did on the show. (It went ‘wrong’)

Casting a spell, any spell - at least the ones that involve more than just the wave of a hand, or worse, the wave of an irritating fairy’s wand - takes time, and patience, and the right ingredients, and… just like any recipe, if you get it wrong, it doesn’t mean the cake won’t cook, rather then will, just with unexpected or unintended outcomes. All of Rumplestiltskin’s careful planning and manipulation, all of his hopes and dreams turn to dust; ashes in his bitter heart in the blink of an eye… in the fall of an equine heart. Belle exchanges one terrible prison for another, and it’s one she is desperate to escape, and though Rumple’s fate as The Savior was severed from him centuries ago, sometimes fate itself has a way of finding an alternate route home. - 292 words written: no change since last update

What the Actual Fuck! : Sutherelle fic

Prime Minister Robert Sutherland is feeling pressured, and isn’t prepared to acquiesce to the repeated challenges from within his cabinet nor the wider circle of those around him. He resorts to drastic measures to ascertain who can be trusted, turning to an ‘old friend’ to help him separate the wheat from the chaff. Said friend promises to send in his best operative to assist the PM, the trouble is the operative finds out more than Robert necessarily wants to know, and all this just as all hell is breaking loose around him; people hurt, Britain in chaos and multiple deaths push him into making some hard hitting decisions in order to safeguard himself, the country, and the people he cares about - Chapters 1 and 2 are up, and I’m working on this fic in light of both the ‘teasers’ for the next season and ‘current events’ - no change since last update.

Breathe: (Working title) Rushbelle.  This is still in the planning stage and will be a rewrite of SGU, as a sequel to  Chosen, But Not Wanted.

Gilded: March Monthly Rumbelling.  Rumbelle Slight AU. Belle has been taken to the castle of her future husband to begin her new life; a life she does not want. The Dark One is also trapped within the castle, and wishes for release.  Can they free each other, and to what end? - 656 words written

Also, I still have 2 series awaiting their next works: Darker Hearts: an AU Wish!Rumbelle, and Thoughts On A Happy Ending: A Rumblelle focussed Belle introspective of the entire journey from season 1 through season 7. Nothing has been written for either just yet, so no change since the last update.

All published works can be found on AO3 where I write as Eilinelithil.

Also Please feel free to ask me questions, anonymous asks accepted, I’ll talk about most things if you ask :)

[thoughtfulpaperback]

SPOILERS!!!! CHARMED 1x19

Okay y'all, I've finally seen the latest episode of Charmed.

So... overall I actually like the episode. I like that we are getting into the lore more. I like that connection to and the differences between the OG Charmed.

So in the OG Charmed magic isnt necessarily neutral. There is good and evil magic but (at least in the first few seasons) there was the idea that magic had to be balanced which is why there was a council made up of elders and demons to protect that balance and ensure the secrecy of magic.

Reboot Charmed I like the idea that all magic comes from one source and it is the actions that determine evil or good. Which just reaffirms what Harry has told Macy. By the same hand, there are some plot holes in all that. Macy is having a little bit of trouble with her demonic side since they said demon blood acts as an infection (and apparently Parker didnt always have it) that would mean that although witches are born demons are not or at least special conditions have to be met, maybe? So not sure how they will explain that. Also Macy is obviously having trouble with her demon side now. I dont know if her emotional state after the break up is contributing to that since her confidence is probably shaken as well as the fact breakups suck.

I actually don't mind the opening scene showing the Sarcana deaths. Hold on! Let me explain. The big villains of the show are white, I dont know if that is on purpose. I see they are trying to be diverse by having non-white witches and non-witches. So when you are trying to have diverse casting and people have to die and you only have white villains, your POCs are always gonna be on the chopping block. Which is why i think having diversity on a show is hard because you cant be callous with any of your characters (in general I dont think you should be, but i feel a lot of show writers write for shock or angst) because you have to remember that certain storylines take on a different meaning when the actors are non white. For example, OG charmed wasnt a stranger to mass murder. Season 4 started with the slaughter of the Elders and whether you were pro or anti elder that was still shocking as heck. Which I think the reboot was trying to do with the Sarcana. The issue is that in the OG we had 3 seasons of elders exploring thier faults and the good they do, and both the slaughters(titans) and elders were white (well primarily white, I think we only got to see like 2 non white elders in the entire series if I remember correctly). Here you have a white villian and mostly POCs being slaughtered. I totally see how wrong that looks and I think the writers or the casting directors either missed that or they are being heavy handed with the idea of abusive white villains against POCs. I think the scene was about showing how aweful and abusive Fiona is, also revealing her main motivation, that they dropped the ball on the whole "you are murdering most of you POCs here which arent main characters".

Speaking of abusive. I still want Villian Charity. I want her to take out Alastair and be an active villain not a passive one. I mentioned before that see would probably be a passive one before, but I said I wished she wouldn't be. I like villains. I like well written villains mostly. I think Charity has the perfect set up to be good villian. She began her own fall from grace (although the structure which taught her had a hand in it too), she fell into bigger evil under a tyrannical and abusive character, if she goes Lilith (CAOS reference) and decides to replace Alistair some way as the big bad I will be happy. Because I dont want to watch her be a meek used and abused character to then either be killed or do some sort of self sacrifice thing. She straight up murdered people and is a villain in spite of mostly being passive. Cole was killed in the OG charmed because at some point (we can argue about exactly where) his actions were irredeemable. Yes his story was complex, yes a lot of miscommunication and power dynamics went into all the issues there but the line had to be drawn. Charity, at least in my mind cannot go back to being "a good guy". She is getting in deeper and deeper. She obviously has emotional ties still to her sister and probably Harry, just as Cole did with Phoebe, and I want to see where those ties lead her. But I will be disappointed if after murdering a bunch of people and helping out a demon to try and bring on the apocalypse, they make her an abuse victim who dies. Not cool. Stop hurting abuse victims for emotional reactions on television! I know many abuse victims are killed by their abusers (RIP Dr. Wagner although Hunter did it we know who ordered him to). I dont want to see it overdone on the same show within a few short episodes. Charity shouldnt get off free for her murders either even though she is obviously in an abusive relationship now with Alistair (not talking romantic relationship) she has been set up to become a villian, tragic back story yes ,but her choices were made and she has to live with the unintended consequences.

Macy was being super toxic this episode. Let's at least call her out for it. Yes, imo Galvin hasnt been that great of a boyfriend except for a couple of cute moments (the really didnt get enough screen time to say whether the good outweighed the bad). But Macy needed to leave him alone. Like the whole time watching this episode I was just like "so are they spreading out the Cole and Phoebe arch to everyone?". He obviously is traumatized. He already told her he was out. I know she is hurting, imo they way he broke up with her made it worse and messed up her confidence even more than it could have, but she still seeks him out even though that is a violation of his boundaries. I dont like how he attacked her personality when he said that he couldnt compartmentalize the way she can. Macy does do that, I agree that they probably would have broken up because of that, but again he could have just said "I dont see it that way, please understand that". That also said, Macy trying to convince him other wise also rubbed me that wrong way. When he questioned her thoughts and actions over her demon side it was hella wrong! Equally for her to question him over how he feels about what happened to him. They are his feeling and she needed to respect that. I think that they arent right for each other and are kinda bring out the worst in each other. If Galvin gets killed because of magic I will be upset, because he firmly expressed that he wanted out, and if Macy or his lingering feelings for her get him killed that would be unfair. Just as unfair as charity dying doing something good after being abused and manipulated (abuse should never be a punishment I dont want a theon grey joy on Charmed characters shouldnt have to be abused to convince the audience that they deserve to be redeemed).

Parker and Maggie...I feel for Parker. I do. But your decision to not play a part in bringing about the apocalypse shouldnt be based on whether or not your girlfriend wants to be with you. I get it, he is freaked out and he thinks he killed his mom. Charity killed elders out of panic and I didnt cut her slack. I called her story a tragedy but didnt suggest her actions werent heinous. Parker is the same. I am getting Romeo and Juliet vibes here. Like stupid kids making stupid decision based on misunderstandings and feelings beyond thier Ken (or at least infatuation and adolescent hormones beyond thier knowledge). I never liked Romeo and Juliet so that could just be me.

I dont know. When my brother passed away I felt dead, my whole world and future as i saw just crumbled. I was depressed and had some PTSD (according to my doctor). Even though I had suicidal ideations, I still feel that in Parkers place I wouldnt do something that would involve hurting other people. I wanted to go away or disappear, but the idea of hurting others would be too much for me. And Parker is supposed to be this nice guy who has been fighting his demon side before he met Maggie. Maggie gave him the motivation to break away from his father but he was never into hurting people. So to go from that to, "let's destroy the world, I've got nothing to lose" ....except you might end up killing Maggie and a whole bunch of other people in the process. Considering he was horrified thinking he hurt his mom, it doesnt seem to be in character. Again Romeo is not thinking things through, but like not thinking things through was kind of Romeo's thing whereas for Parker not so much.

So like Mel and Niko should be the new Piper and Leo. Like they should be the one couple that despite there issues (only if it is done better than leo and piper was) makes it til the end from the very beginning. I am a Hacy fan but as the episodes go on I feel that they both need a lot of growth before that happens.

Speaking of Harry. I love him. He has recieved the best character growth within a season I've seen. So like he is an established good guy (not good as in not evil, but like a genuinely not trashy person) but obviously his faults kind of go along with his emotional boundaries. He gets attached really fast and that can cloud his judgment. His whole Charity relationship was so teenager in nature that I wanted to slap him upside the head, but I think he is ment to be compared to Fiona. In spite of being created and used as a tool of the Elders and being tossed aside coldly (although he was an idiot in many ways where Charity was concerned) after years of loyal and good service, he doesnt turn into a trash monster. He doesnt use being abused as an excuse to abuse others. Fiona is so angry (not gonna say she doesnt have a right to be) at being a tool for others that she uses and abuses people and feels justified in it.

I totally get her wanting to extinguish magic. But like ber issue is that magic made people want to use her as a tool and that power and having power ruined her life.... wouldnt it make more sense to just bind your powers and wipe you mind? Like less carnage and you get the same result. A life without magic. See doesnt seem to be doing it to protect others, it seems more like she wants to hurt them by taking thier power.

The episode was ok. Things moving along and I will be watching. I really want to know where they go from here and what the big finale will be.

The lore needs some help, maybe with the new staff coming on board that will be ironed out next season.

I think the last episode was better pacing wise. This one felt a little slow to me. Anyone else feel that way. Lots of problem introduced this episode I am hoping they will lead to satisfying conclusions. Or at least a super good itch for the next season. I will probably still continue to watch either way next season because for its faults I think this show is doing some really great things and i am still excited for them.

How are y'all feeling though?

[anneway-nitheliniel]

Carol Caterwauling

Dear @shewhodoesnotexist, I hope you are having a wonderful time: filled with love, cheerfulness, and possibly accompanied by the one or two (or more) carols. It was a pleasure writing this fic and hopefully it adds to many a present.

Dear @officialtolkiensecretsanta- mods, thank you so much for making this event possible. You have done (and will do) a great job.

He had been singing relentlessly for the past hours - in purposeful disregard of his brother’s sideward glances, cautioning at first, before growing from annoyed to angry. He knew of the dangers of the wilderness they were traversing, but unless he would be ordered to silence, he was determined to continue, since when he stopped, the trembling would start. There were periods of time each day in which naught but his singing returned life to the two pairs of grey eyes, too large for the small faces, and naught but his voice was able to stop the twins’ shivering when memory took over reality. Or maybe it was that their reality of hard riding in a harsh country - seated behind strangers who were the very reason for heir repeated nightmares as well as their only hope of survival - overcame their warm memories of home.

He could not tell.

They would not tell.

They would only shiver and cling to each other until parted when their journey continued.

Maglor finally ended his song when yet another gust of wind stole the note from his lips. Immediately, he could feel the quiver intensify in the small frame pressed flush against his back. Unconsciously, he moved a gloved hand to his waist, were a thin arm struggled to hold on without holding too tight. As soon as his fingers brushed over the skin, the arm withdrew with such force that his horse had to sidestep to keep the child from falling. Unsure what else to do with the hand meant to comfort, he patted the mare’s neck, thanking her for taking good care of both her riders.

“We have to stop!” he called out to his brother, riding tall in front of him – a display of strength unwilling to bend to the whims of early winter.

“We cannot!”

The hood-covered head turned towards him and immediately the wind pulled out strands of red hair from where it had been hidden beneath the cloak collar. Unable to braid his hair himself, Maedhros relied on his brother’s service and that had been lacking these past weeks as Maglor’s time was taken up equally by the care for their charges and his guilt.

“We have been riding too hard these last days... The children cannot go on much longer, Nelyo. We must rest.”

Maedhros turned his horse while he considered those words. Maglor watched him shift in his saddle, until his large frame screened the boy behind him from view and from the cruel wind. He may have argued for taking the twins with them or maybe he had even pleaded, but Maedhros had needed little convincing. They both remembered another pair of boys of whose fate they knew nothing.

Each time we come close to peredhil twins, we lose brothers, he silently shared with his brother, but when he received an answer it was not to his thoughts.

“We will, Kanó. But we must find shelter first. Snow will come!”

Maglor could smell it too, the cold threat in the air, and nodded. Should they find shelter, he silently vowed to himself, he would take time to comb and braid his brother’s hair.

Maedhros waved off some of their company to scout ahead and Maglor resumed his singing. His song bore no words, but the tune promised a spring would come with a golden sun, gentle rains, and the brilliant song of birds. After a shorter while than yesterday, the thin arm snaked back into place and he allowed himself a brief smile.

----  

“That’s not how you hold a harp, Elros!”

“It’s not how you hold anything, really.”

Afraid of being found out, Elrond withdrew into condescension. Before him, Elros was determinedly trying to place the harp between his feet. Before, he had tried balancing it on his knees, mimicking their captor… their guardian… their – Maglor! – but lacked the reach to hold it in place. He now struggled to find purchase with either his feet or his arms and the instrument was in constant danger of tumbling to the ground. Each unintended jostle wrung a sound close to a whimper from the strings and Elrond felt with them. They were used more skilful hands.  

“Oh, I can’t hold a harp? - And you, and you... you can’t carry a tune!��

“At least, I do not destroy things!”

“So, I'm clumsy?”

“No, inconsiderate!”

Showoff, Elros thought. Trust his brother to use such a term when there were perfectly good other words. But that was Elrond for you: learned and versed and with the need to please.

Yet it had been Elros’ idea to thank their … Maedhros and Maglor for their kindness. They had found shelter from the sudden and heavy snows in an abandoned farmhouse with the plan to sit out the bad weather and move on. Three days later they had been snowed in and after a week Maedhros had grudgingly declared they would have to hibernate. Mid-winter had come and seen their supplies diminished but although the twins had received ample food, they had noticed when a horse had gone missing from the stables. ‘Run away!’ Maglor had told them - but that evening there had been fresh meat and they had realised the brothers had given them most of their own rations, going hungry themselves.

“I'm very thoughtful. This was  my idea after all!“

And just because he felt he had to prove a point, he added:

“You’d  never do anything so ...”

“Foolish?”

Elros glared at his brother.

“Rash?”

Pity, really, that Elrond was so much better at glaring.

“Fitting,” he stopped his twin. “Music for a musician.“

Giving up, he handed Elrond the harp.

“You play, I sing!”

----

“Next time we encounter a horde of Orcs, I know exactly what to do!” Maedhros muttered under his breath and in Quenya, just in case, though he highly doubted that the two small musicians were able to hear him over their enthusiastic display.

Though his words were meant in jest, he cast a worried glance at his brother. It was his beloved harp being cruelly mistreated, after all.

There was indeed a slightly pained expression on Maglor’s face, only perceptible because he knew him so well: a strained notion to the elegantly arched eyebrow and a twitch to one corner of his mouth that had not yet decided whether to become a frown or a smile.

He was relieved to see it grow into the latter.

“The enemy would adopt them gladly. A formidable new weapon! No army of Elves or Men could hear this and stand strong.”

“Let us hope that neither can winter .”

Briefly, they both glanced towards a barred window, keeping out the howling wind and the horizontally falling snow. They would not leave for some time yet.

On a particularly high note, a string snapped.

“Good grace, were there none at the Havens to teach them? Káno, a lot of work awaits you.”

“I fear, no amount of teaching will ever be enough,” Maglor declared after a few more moments in which miraculously the instrument took no further harm. “No training will suffice to remedy this lack of talent. – Nay, Nelyo, in order to live through similar musical encounters yet to come, I will have to do more: I will have to raise them.

You will have to love them, too! Maedhros thought, but a quick look at his brother’s heroic stoicism in the face of the destruction of a valuable and precious harp told him that Maglor was already a long way down that path... and - to his own great surprise! - he found he felt glad for him.

In the blissful silence following the twins’ performance, Maedhros watched Maglor rise and slowly cross the room. Carefully, he extricated the harp from Elrond’s shaking hands and placed it aside before he knelt and took the boy's hands in his. ‘You have done so well! Thank you!’ he heard him praise and watched the two small, serious faces light up.  

Maybe, each time they lost brothers in the pursuit of their doomed cause, they were given a chance, too.  

---

Two Ages later

“Must we, dearest?”

Celebrían’s voice was pleading. She had seen her sons assemble a distractingly large collection of musical instruments and watched in dismay as they carried them towards the Hall of Fire.

“Why not let our minstrels scare … sing away the snow? I believe our human visitors also want to introduce one of their mid-winter traditions. Something about burning a log. It would be inconsiderate to…”

Her valiant attempt to save her own hearing as well as that of the other inhabitants of the Last Homely House was quashed by the House’s lord. “No! It is tradition! The mid of winter is announced by the youngest in the household. It is a dear part of the winter’s festivities to everyone.” When two arms circled her waist and pulled her close in a tender but firm embrace, she surrendered to her fate. Even the harsh reality of the twins’ lack of musical talent could not overcome Elrond’s fond memories.

It seems, Celebrían thought, we can only hope for Lindir to procreate in the near future.

Perhaps there was still time to ask Erestor to bring earplugs for her as well.

[onewhoturns]

6-1

So. Chapter 6 (7 on AO3) is going to have a lot of technical stuff. I’m a sucker for the imagery of magic control so... it may be wordy and potentially clunky... Though that’s mostly 6-2. A little in this section too, though, so if you’ve got feedback on if/how to clean it up and make it more concise, lemme know. Always looking for comments. ^^ Previously: Prelude, 1-1, 1-2, 1-3, 2-1, 2-2, 2-3, 2-4, 3-1, 3-2, 3-3, 4-1, 4-2, 4-3, 5-1, 5-2, 5-3. Elsewhere: AO3, FFnet, ko-fi (for 6-2 preview).

“The key to resisting enchantment is an unwavering surety in one’s own self.”

They’d paused mid-afternoon by a stream Emily had never been aware of before. Then again, they’d been traveling far from any path she’d known, the forest parting to let them pass. While she’d taken a moment to rest, the Outsider had slipped silently into the trees, melting down to shadow again, and returned a few minutes later with an update about the witches’ progress in their search. Satisfied that they had a substantial lead, with the witches searching west instead of east, he’d initiated her first lesson.

“Doubt is both necessary and disastrous. You cannot doubt the tenets of your will, but you must doubt what you are being asked to do.”

She found his direct attention a little off-putting, especially while he stood, unfazed, knee-deep in water she’d considered almost too cold to rinse her face with.

“The most successful enchantments are not presented merely as orders but as suggestions, complete with reasoning. Unfortunately, while slightly easier to cast, those are also harder to resist.”

It was a relief to break eye contact as he stepped a few careful steps toward the side of the stream where she sat with legs dangling off the edge of an overhanging rock, but that relief was quickly gone once he was only a few feet away, almost perfectly eye level with her.

“So we will start with the more clear-cut, less elegant enchantments.”

One moment she was staring into those golden eyes...

...And the next she was watching him frown.

“What-”

It came to her in a rush, even as she looked with surprise to a hand she hadn’t chosen to raise. She snatched it from the air, an unpleasant shock clanging at the base of her spine. Her skin crawled just knowing that it had happened. That he’d asked her to do something, even something as trivial as lifting her hand into the air, and her body - her mind, even - had done it without a second thought.

She stared at her hand like it belonged to someone else, feeling her pulse stutter. Her chest felt tight, strained, and she swallowed hard.

“Emily.”

Brown eyes were wide as she met his gaze, unable to hide that touch of fear that had seized her, squeezing tighter and tighter. Deep breaths. Calm down.

But before she could calm herself it happened again. Another skip and rush of memory, this time the simple motion of closing her hand, turning it over--

She yelped, scrambling to her feet, blood rushing in her ears. “Stop it--” Her voice was too loud, but she couldn’t turn it down. “Stop, I changed my mind-”

Fingers trembled, her whole body shaking - too hot, too cold - and she clenched her hands into fists, letting her brain gradually assimilate what could have only been a few seconds of time out of her own control. Her mouth was dry, throat tight. She must’ve stood still for a solid two minutes, staring at the ground, before she forced herself back to the present.

When she finally looked back to the stream, she realized the Outsider hadn’t moved an inch. He was watching, brow ever so slightly furrowed, with that expression that was becoming almost familiar: something between concern and curiosity.

Counting her breaths, Emily stared down at her hands, flexing them experimentally. She could feel how red her face was, and instead of being embarrassed just felt angry. No, not quite angry… frustrated. Frustrated with herself, and him, and magic in general-

“I apologize.”

His voice was so smooth, moving like the water he stood in but with none of its chill, his tone instead subdued. Still standing in place, his palms were turned toward her in a manner that immediately reminded her of approaching a skittish animal. Was that how she seemed to him? Thinking through her own actions… perhaps.

“I haven’t tried to teach anyone in-” His eyes flicked aside for a moment, as though racking his memory for the answer, before he inclined his head slightly. “It’s been a very long time.”

Emily sighed, glancing down at her own clenched hands and letting some of the tension leave her body. “I’m sorry.”

When she looked back up, she saw the smallest of smiles on his lips. “No you’re not. And you have no reason to be.”

Admittedly taken aback by his words, she gradually felt her mouth curving ruefully. “...Fair enough.” He still hadn’t moved, and she took a few slow steps back toward the bank.

There was a moment of hesitation as he watched her, seeming to weigh words on his tongue before he spoke. “...If you would rather, charms work far more efficiently. I just thought… Well, unless the curse is suspended…”

Brown eyes narrowed and Emily’s lips pursed.

“I could not continue suppressing the symptoms if you wore a charm to counteract the spell.” It wasn’t voiced with the intonation of a warning, yet it clearly was one.

Scarcely did anyone hold her gaze so brazenly. Too often eyes were lowered courteously, or she would give a gracious nod and avert her own eyes - but he so rarely looked away. And more often then not when he did it was more for her sake than his own. Now he watched her with something she thought might be forced casualness - a bizarre expression to see on him - and she very briefly wondered why.

“Or we can set aside resisting enchantment entirely.”

She shook her head, glancing down at her feet for a moment. “No, no, I still want to learn. I was just… shaken.” Gradually she returned to where she’d been perched, but made no attempt to sit again. It felt more secure making him look up to meet her eyes. Having the upper ground. “I don’t suppose there’s some other way to start?” The question was straightforward, no wheedling or whining on her part. It wasn’t even particularly hopeful. If there wasn’t… well, there wasn’t. She’d figure out a way to handle it.

He nodded, though it seemed it was more in consideration than confirmation. “We may be able to come up with some alternative.” He stepped through the water slowly, watching his steps, and leaned his elbows against the rock shelf once he reached it. Again, it was markedly odd to see something so regal behave so casually. She glanced down at him, the way his chin rested on clasped hands as he watched her, but she made no move to retreat. “First, though, I think we need to discuss boundaries.”

She scuffed a boot against the rock absently, considering. “How so?”

He raised an eyebrow, but seemed to take a moment to choose his words, folding his hands before him as the casual demeanor melted away. “Do you trust me, Your Majesty?”

Mirroring his expression, she stopped herself from answering with the first thing that popped into her head. Yes… and no. Her life was valuable to him, he’d proven that. But he’d also stated quite plainly that he�� how had he worded it… “I only have so much time I can invest in you.” Yet this whole endeavor seemed quite an investment of time. It very clearly wasn’t going to be easy. She very clearly wasn’t going to be an easy person to work with. But he still offered. Still intended to put in the time.

“I caution you to think before you answer.”

Doubt trickled into the back of her mind. She was leaning toward yes. Why would he steer her away from that answer?

“Consider your admission earlier, Majesty.”

It was such a clear warning. She didn’t try to hide her confusion at the statement, but she heeded his advice.

Earlier...

As they’d ridden. When she’d voiced her unintended question. Words had left her mouth before she’d chosen to speak.

And in the palace. (That familiar creeping prickle along her spine returned, but she forced herself to set it aside.) In the palace she’d been mindless, compliant. And when he’d arrived and questioned her she’d been confused. Because he asked her to do things she thought were wrong -- but not wrong to her, wrong to the enchantment. And all she’d wanted to do in that moment was to make him happy. To do what he’d wanted. To do what he asked.

Oh.

Oh.

“Will you swear your service?”

She would’ve said yes. In that state? She wouldn’t have hesitated.

Emily’s stomach rolled. “Ah.” A muscle in her jaw tightened.

“I ask you again, Your Majesty: Do you trust me?” There was an edge to his voice.

She couldn’t help it; she stared, utterly perplexed. “...You want me to say no.”

He stared right back, but remained silent.

“Do you want me to say no?” It wasn’t quite a demand, but it was close.

His reply was quiet, and she was once more reminded of how one might approach a particularly wild animal. “A smart woman might.”

She had no subject-granted titles. She wasn’t Emily the Wise, or Emily the Cunning. She was just Queen Emily. And at this point, with Delilah on her throne, some may not even consider her that.

Her eyes were sharp, though not quite a glare, more an expression bordering on exasperation as she crouched before him, bringing her face mere inches from his. “Do you promise not to make me agree to the contract under enchantment? Not to swear my service not of my own free will?”

There was a long pause. His look was cool. He didn’t seem angry per se, but he didn’t look particularly happy about the direction this conversation was going. He seemed to answer grudgingly. “...Yes.”

They were awfully close, weren’t they? She watched the slight frown on his lips for a moment before she spoke, her words softer than she’d intended. “Then I trust you.”

If she were to lean just the slightest bit forward… if she were to lay her hands flat on the stone and move just an inch or two toward him…

How had it felt, her lips against his? How would it feel again? If she let herself explore him, would he taste the same? The ideas floated through her head lazily as she stared. When she spoke it was a quiet murmur, politely inquisitive. “Are you affecting me right now?” She hadn’t taken her gaze from his mouth.

After a moment of hesitation, his response was just as soft. “No.”

Her eyes flicked to his, in an instant reading a wariness in them. Wariness and something else… something she wanted to believe was restraint and not regret. For a second neither breathed. Finally, with a distant interest, she let out a contemplative, “Hm.” Another pause. “You wanted to discuss boundaries?”

[fictionerd]

A Response

This post is going to be super long. Hence why it’s not a reblog itself. You can see. If you’re not the initial repsonder you can see that post: Here. @knightofbalance-13

I am going to attempt to go through this and acknowledge your counterpoints the way you you have picked apart my original post. First though, I feel like I should address some context. The first two proper paragraphs of my post go entirely un-remarked by you. These are my statement that I stand by my defense of the series up to this point, and clarifying the context that this episode in particular pissed me off.

*Sigh* …

Squad 13 had nothing to do with what happened in Episode 13. We only ever saw Ichigo and Goro and they barely did anything. The episode was focused on Zero Two and Hiro so your point here makes no sense.

You seem to be misconstruing my actual statements here. This post is about Episode 14. I’m discussing Squad 13′s actions this episode not last one. I specifically say that I’d expected the forward progress from last episode to carry over into this one.

*raises hand*

I know i’ve argued like this before but let me explain the different context:

In my context, I was debating over my own personal interpretation of Ichigo’s actions and how iffy she was being to me.

However, here this is an anaylsis of the show which means personal interpretation shouldn’t even be a major factor, rather looking at both sides of the issue and understanding them both.

To them, Hiro was hopelessly infatuated with a shown to be dangerous person trying to take away his humanity. They couldn’t know his backstory with Zero Two or that she wasn’t trying to be a threat, especially since Zero Two wasn’t explaining things (which even THEN makes sense as she’s never trusted anyone enough to show that much vunerability towards them aside from Hiro and even then, that was only for sometime. She has been isolated and tortured: Her communication skills are gonna be pretty crap).

What you and I feel on this matter don’t factor into them: Squad 13 are their own people with their own stakes in the matter, their own way of looking at things and with their own ways they are affected by this. For this to be bad writing, their actions needs to contradict what THEY would want, not us. And with their situation, this makes perfect sense.

Okay, I’m about to say something that’s going to be repeated a lot here.You bring up good points that, had I been in any different a frame of mind when I wrote the initial impressions, I would have likely stated myself.

I was angry. Angry that they wouldn’t even let him speak to her. I get not wanting him to pilot with her again. The source of the actual issue, but they wouldn’t even let them speak? With the rest of the squad present? It’s this reversal of their attitude back to the state it was in when she first appeared that was frustrating and led me to having this reaction. That coupled with me having prior made an ass of myself.

Now, I bolded some text in here because I need to respond to it directly above all else.

My response: Bullshit. Author and Audience have equal agency in a story. This is why, normally, I’m all for people seeing elements in a narrative that may not have been intended to be there. The problem I had with critics of FranXX beforehand was that many seemed to have read unintended content into the show while ignoring what was there.

Furthermore: Analysis is always done through a personal lens. Regardless of how objective you attempt to be. Regardless of how you try to understand both sides.Recently some one said in a stream I watched “It’s impossible to be objective. And even if it were possible - it’s more important to be fair.” Right here and now I freely admit I’ve been neither.

In my coverage of FranXX up until this point I’ve been more spiteful towards the series’ detractors than I should have been, and in this post my impressions swung a little too far to the opposite side.

That’s the thing.

They were his friends since childhood…

And yet he has NEVER mentioned Zero Two before to them, never mentioned this past to them and they never saw her before then. To them, Hiro would be just spouting crazy nonsense and making them distrust Zero two even more by making it seem like she was messing with his head. To make matters worse, if the adults happen to learn about this: Poof! Another mind wipe, back to square one for Hiro. After all the pain and suffering he went through to get to that point: it’d make even LESS sense to slip up like that, especially since that happened to him BEFORE.

Again, compelling arguments. Arguments that, with hindsight, make a lot of sense. But also make a lot of sense since I addressed some of them. My problem is that Hiro didn’t even try to talk about it with Ichigo. Even if her response had been to tell him he was crazy then at least he would have tried which seems, to me, more consistent with his character rather than jumping straight to prison-escape tactics. Though you make an equally compelling point about one slip-up meaning that he’d go through a mind wipe again. I admit I hadn’t thought of that in the haze of my frustration at their behavior.

The fact that their behavior is justified doesn’t mean I have no right to be frustrated by it. In a way it’s the story doing its job.

…And? You don’t think this was INTENTIONAL? That showing Zero Two didn’t fully understand what it meant to be human was an INTENTIONAL character flaw? That this might be something that was intended to be in her as a character and to be something that has to be fixed?

And why would anything Hiro has done before do anything for her? She didn’t know who he was and she only trusted the Hiro she knew out of ALL HUMANITY. Again, due to torture, isolation, manipulation and desperation. This makes total sense given her character and history. Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s bad.

You are correct here. Down to the last detail. I have next to no rebuttal for this one. At this point I was largely just pissed off at all people concerned. Moving on.

Gee, doesn’t that sound familiar? *cough* EVERY HUMAN CONFLICT IN HISTORY *cough*.

yeah, from the enslavement of the Jews in Egypt to the political strife in present day America: Every single human conflict is made by people being idiots and getting their idiot asses handed to them.

And while you may say “Entertainment doesn’t need that much realism!”: Entertainment is made to sell you an illusion and the best illusions are the most realistic. the purpose of writing characters is to make them emulate people as closely as possible, flaws and all.

Such conflict is caused by some people being idiots. Not all of the people all of the time. Fiction DOES need realism, but there’s a difference between realism and the entire cast reverting straight back to beginning-of-series attitudes. That strikes me as less of a stumble and more of a reset, but I’m willing to concede the point anyway.

In all honesty, You should have done that in the first place.

Again, entirely correct... So much so that I said as much in the post to begin with. Though I can’t tell if you mean I should have watched their coverage of Episode one or if you somehow think I haven’t watched the first episode of the series. 

… Have you now?

See, here’s the thing: different types of stories require the world and characters to grow at different paces. More drama and horror based shows like Franxx require it to be done slowly to build up suspense whereas more action and triumphant shows like Franxx’s brother, Gurren Lagann require it be done faster. It depends on the show. So if you don’t like the pacing, ask yourself: is the pacing done badly for this type of show? or do I just not like this pacing?

Also: Character development isn’t always positive. Characters, like people, can and will regress. Again, it just has to make sense given the context. In this shows case: it does.

My quibble here is this. You NEED to care about the characters in ANY story you are audience to. REGARDLESS of genre. Even at the time when I was covering the early episodes I felt they were lacking until we hit episode four, and my comment was primarily addressing my understanding of why people left due to lack of development in the extended cast.

Okay-

Would it benefit the SHOW in the long run for Eren to change?

Or would it benefit YOU?

It it’s the latter: you need to be aware of your biases.

And there you go: confusing development and change with being positive. People don’t always move forward: they stumble back or stop along the way. It happens and even if you don’t like it, you need to accept it.

Would it benefit the story in the long run for Eren to show that his experiences since the attack on his hometown had changed him in any way? Yes, it would. It would take the largest millstone off the show’s neck.

Does it benefit the plot for Eren to change? Absolutely not. They need to keep him an angry little hypocrite for as long as humanly possible in order to keep forward momentum. Or so it seems anyway.

By extension of it benefiting the story, it would benefit me because I wouldn’t have this one black hole of empathy sitting in the middle of the show. Eren honestly comes across more as some one you’re meant to hate, while the writing seems to imply you’re supposed to be rooting for him and his cleanup-squad. Which I did. I did root for Eren all through season One, but the best parts of Season Two were the parts where he wasn’t present. Which, admittedly, was a lot of it.

I’m well aware of my biases. I was throwing them in the faces of critics of FranXX up until this episode, and I still stand by the disagreements I had with them. I feel my biggest problem here is a severe case of over-correcting.

Good…but you need far more than that. Every step I’ve seen you take here has been a step in the wrong direction. You need to learn to understand both sides in both reality and in the show. You need to learn that just because you don’t like it doesn’t make it bad. You need to learn some basic lessons for being a good critic.

Never claimed to be a critic. I’m only a critic in so far as EVERYONE is a critic. The name of the series is Let’s Talk Anime (Which, by the way, thank you for actually engaging me in conversation xD) I’m here to give my impression, not an “Objective” review. I’m a writing guy with my own biases, lenses, and desire for speculation. That’s why you don’t often see me commenting on animation or shot framing unless it’s so amazing or so terrible that even I sit up and take notice.

Not everyone is trying to be a “good critic”. Some of us are just contrarians who, when proven wrong to a certain degree, proceed to over-correct themselves.

While I understand your actions: I don’t excuse them. You should have done better.

Seeing as you ignored my opening paragraphs it seems you could have ignored the apology directed at a specific group of people. As you did not: Yes! I should have done better. That was the point.

Fine. Just don’t make me do this again.

I didn’t make you do it this time. Just like Anime FMK or other detractors of the series didn’t make me write my previous posts on the series. Since I apparently didn’t make it clear enough originally. I LIKE Darling in the FranXX. I DIDN’T like this episode.

[nightmareonfilmstreet]

Easter Evil: 10 Movies With Bunnies Gone Bad

The Easter weekend obviously has its religious meaning but to the more secular among us, it’s really more about marking the beginning of Spring, sunnier weather, warmer temperatures and longer days. Sure, you could get outside more, but seriously, why not just do what you always do and stay inside to watch a movie?

But there are no scary Easter movies, you say. We beg to differ. Easter-approriate movies are out there beyond The Greatest Story Ever Told and Easter Parade, you need only look as far as the 10 scary rabbits and evil bunnies below.

Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit (2005)

Let’s start off with something tame, Nick Park’s classic stop-motion animation duo who take a walk on the wild side with this outing that’s part Wolfman, part The Fly, and full of the characteristic British charm of the renowned Aardman Animation studio. When Wallace’s own mad science turns him into a vegetable hungry were-rabbit, Gromit must protect his human companion from the hunter Lord Quartermaine, who’s trying to bag the were-rabbit to impress Lady Tottington. It’s not exactly a scary movie, but like any good horror, The Curse of the Were-Rabbit offers sympathy for the monster, and is a reminder that short cuts to achieve difficult goals – like losing weight by eating more veggies – can have some unintended consequences.

  The Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983)

There’s nothing in the hat. – Uncle Walt’s magic trick is not exactly what you expect in Joe Dante’s portion of the 1983 anthology film based on the classic Twilight Zone series created by Rod Serling. Borrowing from the series’ well-known Nightmare as a Child episode, Dante’s outing sees the affable Helen drawn into a family home where everything’s off kilter. Little does Helen know that this is not young Anthony’s real family, but surrogates he forcefully recruited after killing his own family with his near infinite, God-like powers. As the coup de grace after dinner, Uncle Walt pulls a rabbit from the hat. But not just any old fluffy bunny, he pulls out a zany, Looney Tunes-esque stop-motion concoction from hell. It scares poor Helen enough to make Anthony start thinking that maybe he’s gone too far…

  Fatal Attraction (1987)

Such flagrant bunny abuse will not be ignored. Fatal Attraction is about a successful New York lawyer named Dan who decides to celebrate having the house to himself for the weekend by having an affair. Unfortunately for him, the object of his limited desire was Alex, who can’t accept that Dan was in it for a good time, and not a long time. As part of an escalating series of violent outbursts, Alex targets Dan’s family, and in one of the film’s most memorable scenes, Dan’s wife Beth comes home to find a boiling pot on the stove. As Beth cautious approaches the pot we see her daughter Ellen run up to the coupe that houses her beloved rabbit. As Ellen cries to Dan that her bunny is missing, Beth takes the lid off the pot and finds *ahem* rabbit stew. Hollywood lore suggests a real dead rabbit was used in the scene, but it’s worth noting that aside from Alex in the film’s finale, the bunny is the only casualty in Fatal Attraction.

  Watership Down (1978)

While not scary in a conventional sense, try not and be disturbed by this animated adaption of the classic Richard Adams novel. The story follows a group of rabbits that try to find a new home for themselves when the seer, Fiver, has a vision of their warren in the English countryside suffering an apocalypse. The rabbits’ quest to find a new sanctuary forces them to go through cats, dogs, hawks, hunters, farmers, death traps, and even other more vicious rabbits, which all adds up to something that looks like Disney version of the Donner Party. Heck, there’s even a rabbit Grim Reaper that appears to our heroes at a couple of key points in the film, including the end when leader Hazel, (voiced by John Hurt by the way), is ushered into the rabbit afterlife. Try not thinking about that when you take the kids to see Peter Rabbit!

  Donnie Darko (2001)

This would not be a complete list of scary rabbits without the most famous imaginary “leporidae” sidekick since Harvey. Or is Frank imaginary? Filled with signs and portents, weird science and teenage angst, a likely imaginary man named Frank in an ill-formed black rabbit costume isn’t the weirdest thing in Donnie Darko. The vision of Frank not only gives Donnie a warning about the end of the world (sort of), but he bolsters in Donnie a new found attitude about exploring the mysteries of time, and casting off the latent hypocrisies of 1980s suburbia. Was Frank ever real? It’s an interesting question, for he might have been a manifestation of Donnie’s new found ability to see through time, or an alter that allowed Donnie to overcome his own shyness. On the other hand, maybe Donnie had a thing for messed up looking rabbit people.

  Sexy Beast (2000)

Some people like hunting rabbits, but in Sexy Beast the rabbit hunts you. Well, sort of. In what might be described as Elmer Fudd’s worst nightmare, ex-convict Gary Dove, played by Ray Winstone, has a vision of a demonic rabbit man riding up to him on horseback, dismounting, and pointing a machine gun at him while he eats a nice meal. It’s like The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly with a long-eared Grinch carrying an uzi, and while Ben Kingsley gets all due credit for his truly intimidating (and profanity-laden) performance as a London gangster, try and shake the image of that creepy looking rabbit with a killer instinct.

  The Witch (2015)

When if comes to evil animals in Robert Eggers’ “conventional” (according to him) horror movie, The Witch, a lot of people focus on the goat Black Phillip, but what about the black hare? Young Caleb spots the bunny while out on an early morning hunt with his big sister Thomasin and he chases it even after the horse throws Thomasin off. When Caleb gets lost alone in the woods, he stumbles on a hovel and a young woman that lures him to come inside, which seems like the 17th century equivalent of eating Tide pods, an obvious danger, and you should probably know better, but you just can’t help yourself. But whose fault is it really that Caleb became prey to a witch? The black rabbit, of course!

  Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

While Monty Python is not exactly synonymous with horror, it’s hard to find a rabbit scene more gory then the one in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. The titular quest leads Arthur and his knights to a cave guarded by the Rabbit of Caerbannog. Despite the somewhat vague but emphatic warnings by Tim the Enchanter, the Round Table knights are thoroughly unimpressed with their latest challenge, at least until Sir Bors is attacked and decapitated. The Rabbit of Caerbannog proves himself more than a match for the knights, and only the “Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch” is able to deal with the rabbit permanently. There’s a lesson here about not underestimating your opponent. There’s also a lesson that bunnies are bloodsuckers and killers, but that seems to get overlooked.

  Easter Bunny, Kill! Kill! (2006)

There is a small, but surprising subgenre of slasher movies about people in bunny suits, but one of the better ones is Easter Bunny, Kill! Kill! It is of a Rob Zombie mold, about hideous low lives who get their proper comeuppance and the one delivering it here is a killer in a bunny mask. It’s highly violent, highly disturbing, and will likely shade every future experience you have with contractors and power tools, but it does have a delightful twist in the end, not to mention a delightfully twisted ending. Not all killers in rabbit costumes are made in the same vein, but if you’re looking for a low-budget horror delight to counteract all those typically bright and cheerful Easter feelings, this is your remedy.

  Night of the Lepus (1972)

A forgotten classic in the science creates big animals horror subgenre, but one that’s fascinating if for nothing else then being about giant mutant rabbits overrunning a small ranching town. In fact, Night of the Lepus makes a nice bookend with Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit because they’re both about using science to find a humane way to reduce the rabbit population, but they’re also about that process going horribly wrong. If you can’t buy the ludicrous concept, that’s fine because the pre-CG effects do nothing to help the suspension of disbelief. The effect of the over running horde of giant rabbits is achieved through a combination of close-ups, miniatures, green screen, and yes, humans in rabbit costumes. Unbelievable? Certainly! A terribly good time on an Easter weekend? Absolutely!

The post Easter Evil: 10 Movies With Bunnies Gone Bad appeared first on Nightmare on Film Street - Horror Movie Podcast, News and Reviews.

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[feynites]

I'm curious. In Looking Glass, how much time had passed between the trespasser dlc and coming to the future? Also, can we get a summary of events during that time?

In LG it’s been a couple of years since the end of Trespasser, when the story starts. I kind of kept the events a bit ambiguous, just on the off-chance that they might actually mesh with DA4′s plotline. But, throwing that ambiguity aside, my general assumptions were:

- The issues with the darkspawn began to worsen in weird ways, leading most Grey Wardens and/or the Warden to be trying to figure out the true nature of the Calling. Which, in LG canon, is actually a distortion of the Titan’s efforts to translate the energy of displaced souls in a way that the physical world and the Fade could both process. Unfortunately, killing so many archdemons was actually a big problem, unbeknown to the wardens or anyone else (Solas was starting to suspect, but even he didn’t fully understand the Blight). The archdemons are, in fact, surviving Keepers, who had been attempting - along with the Titans - to keep the excess energy of displaced souls from destroying the fabric of reality. The Blight’s destructiveness was basically an unintended side-effect of that effort, so it was a lose-lose situation (stop the Blight, the universe eventually goes off like a bomb; keep ‘singing’ the lost souls into existence, and the taint spreads and starts destroying stuff - but at least physical darkspawn can be fought, whereas the bomb scenario just ends everything all at once). 

- So the Wardens basically fell into that awful Catch 22. Meanwhile, Solas was gathering up elves under the premise of bringing down the Veil so he could restore Elvhenan (while not exactly, uh, explaining the particulars, there). The goal of Solas’ rebels was to find ways of bringing down the Veil before the evanuris escaped from their prison, and could start to, like, pose a serious threat to Solas’ continued ability to make plans and enacting them by trying to murder the shit out of him. Ideally, Solas wanted to do thing with a minimum of suffering or chaos. He did not get his wish.

- Thanks to the chaos created by the breach and the rifts and all the various attempts of certain Ancient Magisters to reach a certain Black City, Solas’ estimate on the amount of time he had left was impossible to accurately gauge once it was within the decades range, and the evanuris broke free not too long after Trespasser. At first, only Solas and various ancient elves and Dreamer mages really knew that something INCREDIBLY BAD had just happened. Solas attempted to contain and confuse the newly-freed evanuris, but they were corrupted by the Blight and with the Weird Darkspawn Stuff already going down, it was basically just like ‘here have several blights all happening right now with no warning!’

- Meanwhile, Lavellan and various allies had been attempting to figure out A) what Solas was doing, and B) if there was a way to stop the end of the world without losing most of it. This was made exceptionally difficult by the fact that they had no idea what they were actually supposed to be worried about. The Blight? The Evanuris? The Veil coming down? Answer being, of course, ‘yes’. Lavellan investigated matters with the Titans and exchanged notes with the Grey Wardens and went hunting for ancient elven sites and artifacts, but she was basically trying to put a puzzle together in the dark with mittens on. On top of which, any time someone on her team came across information that could seriously jeopardize Solas’ time travel plans, his agents would move against them. So nobody gained a lot of ground. (Probably didn’t help also that Lavellan was basically the only person who didn’t believe that Solas was 100% responsible for everything.)

- When the evanuris busted out, though, it was pretty obvious that they were a big problem that could, at least, be fought. Not easily, but despite their many advantages, the evanuris were still coming into a world that was more resistant to magic than they’d expected, and had factors they couldn’t have accounted for. So there were a bunch of huge battles between various heroes and the evanuris, made more complicated by the fact that some elves (ancient and modern) defected from Solas’ cause to go side with the Evanuris. Who possessed extremely varying degrees of lucidity. Meanwhile, Flemeth’s emergency backup vengeance plan kicked in, and... I’m not sure of the particulars of that, but it helped deal a blow to some of the Evanuris. Enough so that they were all actually defeated by the time the Veil was dust and Solas could jumpstart his dolorean. 

- Unfortunately, the world was basically trashed by then. Boiling seas, massive earthquakes, corrupted spirits and darkspawn everywhere, a few remaining Titans trying to salvage it and instead basically shaking it apart as the lingering factions gave up fighting one another to just try and survive the environment. Most of the companions and characters who survived that far decided to go fight Solas in a last-ditch effort to stop him from pulling the plug, still hoping they could salvage something. They battled their way through his own remaining allies and a lot of their people got mauled by Solas in giant wolf form. It was not a fun party. Finally Solas cast this giant spell that blotted out the sun, and Lavellan knew they’d pretty much lost.

And that’s where Chapter One starts! 

[cupidsbower]

I’m still the same old me, that’s all I’ll ever be

Supernatural 12x17, “The British Invasion,” and 12x18, “The Memory Remains.”

Two episodes about legacies, two episodes about how our actions can shape the future. Two episodes about making connections and breaking them. And irony. Don’t forget the irony. That’s key!

There have been several British Invasions of the Americas, notably Columbus of course, and the War of Independence perhaps also counts, but ironically, the invasion actually called “The British Invasion” was... wait for it... pop music in the 1960s. The Beatles. The Animals. The Kinks!

Hahahaha.

Anyway, there was also a “Second British Invasion” in the 80s, which included this gem, which wasn’t on the soundtrack for 12x17 but really, really should have been.

Come On Eileen, by Dexys Midnight Runners

A song about religious guilt, symbolised by desire for a pretty girl called Eileen. On the money, right? *pointedly looks at Mick’s cultish brainwashing*

So, Eileen. She was the highlight of this episode. I love her so! Sam is obviously a bit smitten, and who can blame him. I really adore their dynamic. I’m slightly less enamoured that her life was Mick’s final exam, but she lived so I’m letting it go.

In short, Eileen can come back any time. In fact, I’m intrigued by the possibilities of her coming back. She retreated to Ireland after the accidental shooting of Renny Rawlings, upper-class twit par excellence. And here’s the thing about Ireland... lets just say it doesn’t exactly have a happy relationship with Britain, and would not take kindly to the BMOL doing anything on their turf. Eileen is probably pretty safe there. If Eileen does return this season, it wouldn’t surprise me if she comes back with some Irish colleagues who are sympathetic to the Americans.

The three other meaty aspects of this episode are Mick’s arc, Kelly’s pregnancy, and Mary’s dubious sexual choices.

Mick, ah Mick. You were objectively kind of horrible, but the writers did a pretty good job of making me marginally sympathetic in this episode. Being brainwashed as a kid casts a long shadow, as John’s legacy has demonstrated only too well, and Mick’s childhood was obviously very much an indoctrination into the cult of the BMOL. He just didn’t have quite enough time to grow out of its shadow before it swallowed him up.

Mick’s fate was decided by abusive “nurturing” (if it can be called nurturing) by an adoptive female guardian (the anti-Mary -- present but terrible, instead of a terrible absence). He was indoctrinated into a legacy that shared many of the same problems as Sam and Dean’s, but like them, Mick started to question and see shades of grey once he achieved some distance from the abusive authority figure. Mick’s journey raises the question once more: is a nephilim born evil, or is it raised evil? How much does maternity/paternity define the child, and how much is choice?

I kind of like the symmetry of Mick’s arc, because in the last episode with Claire, and now this one with Eileen, the female characters were lessons for Mick. But his completed arc has turned out to be another kind of lesson -- it’s a major mirror for the nephilim arc. And for all that Lucifer seems so sure it’s a boy, I have my suspicions that it’s a girl. The foreshadowing is definitely hinting at it.

Which brings me to Kelly’s pregnancy. I have such mixed feelings about this plotline. The show is being so cautious, which I get is because they don’t want to alienate their conservative viewers. But I do wish Kelly’s arc had a bit more nuance. I have no objection to her loving her unborn child, or wanting to have it. I do wish we had a bit more insight into her hopes, fears and plans, though. I mean, she was the aide to a super-religious President, right? But she also had sex with him out of wedlock. These are potential contradictions, but we have no insight into how she thinks about them -- I’m curious about where she is on the religious spectrum. Is she also super-religious, and if so, would her fear of Lucifer trump her love of an unborn child? And if she’s not super-religious, what the hell is she making of all this? Is she afraid she’ll die, or does she think that’s hokum and a good hospital will do the trick? Is she missing her friends and family? Does she have any???

Like, I get that she’s probably going to be a disposable container who dies at the end of the season, so that our leads have a baby to deal with next season, but come on. Surely we can get some characterisation along the way before she’s fridged???? This is potentially such rich ground, and we’ve basically been given bupkis.

Now Mary, on the other hand, I’m enjoying a lot. It’s such a pleasure to learn more about her, and get some fresh and unexpected characterisation. I don’t really like her very much at the moment, but her choices are so interesting! Choosing to sleep with Ketch is fascinating (and gross) for so many reasons. For a start, it means she’s coming back to life. She’s making choices about her own pleasure. Sure they are kind of shitty choices, but just a few eps ago, she was in a place where she seemed to see no joy in life as a possibility for her at all, even such fleeting solace as this. I’m curious to see how this will play out. Ketch is a psychopath, but he’s an obsessive one I think. I don’t foresee any love-inspired turning-over of leaves in his future, but I do see him acting in a skeevy or possessive way which has unintended consequences that pay off in interesting plot twists.

Aside from all of that, Mary’s choice to have sex with someone she doesn’t have any deeper feelings for also draws the parallel between her and Dean ever more clearly. Mary will choose pleasure of the moment when she can’t have the deeper pleasures and connections she really wants, and she’s very much aware that this is the choice she’s making. Dean makes exactly the same choice in the very next episode, which is kind of extraordinary once you dig into it. We’ve already had the impala scene, in which Dean realised Mary had had sex in it (just as he has), so the sexual parallel between them isn’t new. But the larger implication of why they both chose fleeting sexual pleasure at this particular moment is new -- for Mary it’s about pining and solace and wanting to feel alive, which due to the parallel implies that it’s also about pining and solace and life for Dean. Both of them are pining for people who aren’t there. Both of them try to take what they can from life anyway.

I keep thinking the show must have plumbed the depths of the possibilities for queer subtext, and then it basically parallels Castiel and John as the missing lovers in question, and I just... Really? Really?

Moving on to 12x18, this episode had some lovely writing in it. From the unacknowledged queer possibilities in the opening scene -- two guys watching het couples make out, and getting off on it -- to the goddamn gorgeous subversion of John’s hunting motto, and a bunch of other things too, this ep made me happy. John Bring, I like you, Please write more!

So there were two main plot strands in this ep, and one major theme. On the one hand we have the bunker being invaded by the BMOL, and on the other, we have the Winchesters taking out a god, no big deal. And through it all runs the thread of legacies -- the things we leave behind for those who come after us.

The title of the ep is probably taken from the Metallica song of the same name, about an aging film star who goes off the rails as their fame fades. Rather like the British Empire has faded compared to its former colony, for instance.

However, the track in the episode which is most directly related to the BMOL is Bongzilla’s Prohibition (4th Amendment). I confess, I had no idea there was such a thing as a stoner band called Bongzilla, but now I have been educated! Their song Prohibition (4th Amendment) is exactly what it sounds like -- an ode to the 4th Amendment to the US Constitution, which “prohibits unreasonable searches and seizures” (x). Obviously an important issue to stoners. I guess.

My main takeaway from the BMOL’s search of the bunker was sadness. I’m now pretty sure that Sam and Dean are going to lose their home when they reject the legacy of the MOL at the end of the season. All that will remain are those carved initials... assuming the whole bunker isn’t blown up, due to the explosive birth of a nephilim for instance.

There’s no doubt in my mind, however, that a rejection of the MOL legacy is coming for Sam and Dean, and it won’t go easy.

The only other thing I want to say about the BMOL strand of this ep is that Ketch’s weird Thing for the Winchesters is officially creepy, especially as it’s not entirely clear whether it’s a Thing for Mary or a Thing for Dean -- Ketch did that whole seduction play for Dean several eps ago, long before Mary decided to jump that, and both Dean and Mary are in the pic.

Maybe it’s both! Ugh barely expresses it really.

I for one will enjoy it very much when he gets his comeuppance.

Moving on to the hunt part of the episode. There are so many things to enjoy here. First, it’s a god, and as Dean says, it’s just “normal” to go eight rounds with one and win if you’re a Winchester. I really do love the juxtaposition of the Winchesters casually taking out a god (Sam is so badass), while the very human BMOL are their actual antagonists for the season. The ridiculousness of it delights me.

The little details of the plot are delightful too. We have the Sheriff who is fighting the legacy of his past, compared with the other kind of legacy -- the illegitimate brother who wants to inherit the sins of the father. And that’s when we get this, which was a highlight of the ep for me:

Pete: That's what we do, right? Hunting people. Killing them. The family business.

And the reason I love it so much is because this is straight out telling us that the Winchester script is no longer John’s script. Because what Pete says shows up just how wrong it is. Hunting and killing people is not the family business. First, because it’s no longer possible to tell who “people” are just by whether they are human or supernatural, and second, because as Sam told us, what matters is saving people -- that is Sam and Dean’s legacy. That is their business.

Sam: But the people we saved, they're our legacy. And they'll remember us and then I guess we'll eventually fade away, too.

When we get these glimpses of Sam’s inner life, it makes me yearn for more. I had so much hope this season was going to be a Sam season, given how it started, but it seems to have trailed off in the second half and I miss it. More inner Sam, please, Mr Dabb.

Anyway, they are not hunters. They are saviours! I mean... *waves hands wildly* Oh em gee. That’s huge!

I am now 100% convinced that the nephilim baby will not die because of Sam, Dean or Castiel. They’ll save it, because it’s the family business.

Okay, the one other thing I want to talk about is Dean and his liaison with the waitress. I’ve already mentioned the parallel with Mary, but I have to say, I liked this part of the ep. It was so cheesy, but it was also Dean celebrating life, which we haven’t seen in a while. Everything from the music as he undertook his hilarious seduction (Tony Hatch’s Music to Watch Girls By) to the affectionate look on Sam’s face the morning after -- it was done with a light touch, and didn’t come off as a no-homo to me. Rather, it felt like a blast from the past. A happy, nostalgic nod back to Dean’s past, signalling that there’s about to be a major shift in his path as we go into season 13.

And the capper, as he ate his hamburger afterwards without a glance at the waitress, was this playing in the background.

Burgers and Fries, Charley Pride

If that’s not a goodbye to a major part of his life that’s now over, I don’t know what is.

Previously:

The Ministry of Information vs Wayward Sons Carrying On (12x01)

My, my, how can I resist you? (12x02) and follow-up about Bohemian Raphsody

So what am I so afraid of? (I think I love you) (12x03)

I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy Down in my heart (Where?) (12x04) and a follow-up about the codependency and about Dean’s self-flagellation and issues with space

There can be only one! (12x05), and a follow-up conversation with elizabethrobertajones on Freud vs Schwartz.

They shall fall by the sword: they shall be a portion for foxes (12x06)  

Presenting the Immaculate Heart Reunion Tour (12x07)    

I’m still living the life where you get home and open the fridge and there’s half a pot of yogurt and a half a can of flat Coca-Cola. ~Alan Rickman (12x08, 12x09)

When the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men (12x10)    

in re (12x11)

Making the most of teachable moments (12x12) and an added thought, In-and-out-laws

Don’t fuck with the branches on my family tree (12x13)

To Protect and to Serve (12x14) and some more thoughts

Hiding in the shadow of love (12x15) and some further thoughts in response to @elizabethrobertajones‘ meta.

You’re living in the past, it’s a new generation (12x16)

[flauntpage]

The NFL's Growing Class Divide Could Undermine a Potential Player Strike

Richard Sherman is right. There's only one way for NFL players to get guaranteed contracts—or really, any other concessions—from league owners. And it doesn't involve asking nicely.

"If we want as the NFL, as a union, to get anything done, players have to be willing to strike," the Seattle Seahawks cornerback told ESPN on Wednesday. "That's the thing that guys need to 100 percent realize.

"You're going to have to miss games, you're going to have to lose some money if you're willing to make the point, because that's how MLB and NBA got it done. They missed games, they struck, they flexed every bit of power they had, and it was awesome. It worked out for them."

If this sounds like Bargaining 101 for Dummies—use the leverage you have to force the outcome you want, duh—well, that's how power works. Heading into its next round of collective bargaining, the NFL Players Association will be exactly as strong—or as weak—as the ability of its members to stand together, withhold their labor, shut the sport down, and take one on the financial chin so that owners, advertisers, and broadcasters take one, too.

Given what happened the last time the union struck a deal with the league, Sherman and his peers may be severely hamstrung. They've been put in a position where the haves and the have nots might not find common ground.

Look, walking out on work is hard. Especially for football players. They play a brutal sport, and typically have a short window of time to earn what they can before their brains and bodies break. Forming a picket line means giving up money they'll never get back, all so somebody else can make more in the future. It's not particularly surprising that the NFLPA historically has been lousy at it.

That said, the league's current Collective Bargaining Agreement likely makes a potential future strike even tougher. How so? Start with the bottom line. Under the previous agreement negotiated by former union head Gene Upshaw in 2006, players received 59 percent of annual NFL revenues minus a roughly $1 billion set-aside that went directly into owners' pockets; under the current deal negotiated by NLFPA executive director DeMaurice Smith in 2011, players receive 47 percent, minus a similar set-aside.

In other words: players took an 12 percent haircut that former player Sean Gilbert estimated would cost players $10 billion over the 10-year life of the agreement. Former NFLPA executive committee member Sean Morey told VICE Sports that amount could be closer to $15 billion. Whatever the final number ends up being, every dollar clawed back gives owners more resources to ride out a possible work stoppage when the current CBA expires in 2020—and more importantly, saps the union's ability to fill a war chest of its own, something players will need if they're foregoing paychecks.

But that's not the most union-busty thing about it.

It's one thing to end up with a smaller slice of the money pie; sometimes that happens. It's quite another to agree to divvy up that slice in a way that weakens—albeit inadvertently—your own position. And that's what the CBA seems to do, primarily by fostering what former Tampa Bay Buccaneers general manager Mark Dominik told Kevin Clark of The Ringer is "a have-and-have-not league" in which a small number of star veterans earn big bucks while the rest of the labor pool becomes increasingly younger, cheaper, and more disposable.

When the unintended consequences of the CBA may be making your job harder. Photo by Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

Modern NFL rosters look a lot like the shifting American economy. The rich get richer. Almost everyone else fights for scraps. Consider the New England Patriots: according to the NFL salary database at spotrac.com, the defending champions have three players making more than $10 million a year, six making more than $5 million, and 53 making less than $1 million (the latter number of players will drop following training camp and preseason roster cuts). Similarly, the Super Bowl runner-up Atlanta Falcons have three players making more than $10 million, six making more than $5 million, and 61 making less than $1 million.

Why the divide? According to Clark, franchises have become increasingly adept at structuring player contracts in ways that are "eradicating the NFL's middle class and costing its lower tier much of its leverage"—mostly through language that reduces pay if players get hurt and/or fail to make their teams' 46-man gameday rosters. Former NFL player-turned-injury insurance salesman Nick Grisen told Clark that those two tricks cost players at least $48 million in 2015 and 2016.

However, the primary culprit is how the CBA treats rookies. Before 2011, incoming players were free to bargain with the teams that drafted them; today, they're subject to a wage scale, three-year renegotiation waiting periods, and team contract options that all conspire to suppress salaries. The last top draft pick under the old agreement, quarterback Sam Bradford, signed a contract worth a guaranteed $50 million; by contrast, the first top pick under the current deal, quarterback Cam Newton, received only $22 million guaranteed.

When the NFLPA agreed to limit rookie pay, the idea was that salary savings would end up in the pockets of experienced players. That's exactly what has happened—for a fortunate few. Otherwise, teams have been incentivized to avoid pricey and (presumably) injury-prone veterans, the better to load up on healthy, hungry, cost-controlled youngsters. As Ben Volin of the Boston Globe explains:

... why would a team pay big money to a free agent when it can simply draft a cheaper, healthier alternative and have him locked in to a near-minimum salary for at least three seasons?

While the CBA promises minimum salaries for veterans—$715,000 this year for players with 4-6 years of experience, $840,000 for 7-9, and $940,000 for 10-plus—many times it works against them.

"I've had teams tell me all the time, 'Your guy is a minimum-salary guy, he's too expensive,' " [an] agent said. "I have veteran players that would play for $50,000 if they could" ...

Last year, the Wall Street Journal reported that after remaining constant over a 17-year span, NFL career lengths were shrinking at an "unprecedented rate"—dropping by about two and a half years from 2008 to 2014. Clark reports that the number of NFL players age 31 or older has fallen 20 percent from a decade ago. Volin notes that in 2016, about half of the league's players were 25 or younger—which means most of them were still locked into their rookie contracts.

The overall result? A star system economy in which the NFL's on-field labor force is split into two castes:

1. A well-paid minority of recognizable veteran players, mostly quarterbacks, who through skill and injury luck have managed to become the league's equivalent of the petite bourgeoisie;

2. A poorly-paid majority of disposable, relatively anonymous short-timers who function as the league's proletariat, grinding and hoping to last long enough to make it into the upper class.

When only one of your is locked into a cost-controlled salary for the next half-decade. Photo by Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

NFL income inequality isn't all bad. Nor is it totally avoidable. The league always will have superstars, as well as third-string special teams fodder.

Still, the unintended hollowing out of a healthy middle class may have severe consequences for union strength and solidarity. Imagine it's 2020. You're Smith or a player union leader, trying to rally your members for a strike—or maybe just imploring them not to cross a picket line, even though their mortgages are going unpaid and their bills are piling up.

How much motivation do star players have to fight tooth-and-nail against a league that's already taking pretty good care of them? Conversely, how many of your rookie scale players want to drag out a work stoppage in which every missed game check represents a significant chunk of all the money they'll ever be able to earn playing football?

For NFL owners, this is the sneaky genius of the current CBA—in fact, I'd be surprised if league negotiators back in 2011 didn't see probable player class stratification as a feature of the deal, not a bug. In 1999, NBA owners took advantage of infighting between star and rank-and-file union members to negotiate a CBA that limited the maximum amount of money any one player could make; in 2011, the league exploited the same divide to slash the players' share of overall NBA revenues by seven percent.

NFL owners aren't strangers to this tactic. When the league and union were battling over allowing free agency in the late 1980s and 1990s, the NFLPA used group licensing revenue to fund a series of antitrust lawsuits against the NFL. In response, a clever league marketing executive named Frank Vuono devised a plan to undercut the union's efforts: convince top quarterbacks to stop assigning their licensing rights to the NFLPA, and instead partner with the league in order to make more money for themselves.

Vuono called his concept "the Quarterback Club." He promised players between $20,000 and $100,000 of extra annual income, cash they wouldn't have to share with their fellow union members. Most of the game's biggest stars—John Elway, Dan Marino, Troy Aikman, and Phil Simms among them—bought in. (As Matthew Futterman notes in his book Players: The Star of Sports and Money, and the Visionaries Who Fought to Create a Revolution, Joe Montana never joined, but only because he wanted to be paid more than anyone else). The QB Club and the union's licensing arm, Players Inc., sparred on and off for the next decade, and it wasn't until the NFLPA bought the QB Club from the league in 2002 for a reported $4 million that the players were "made whole again."

The lesson? Divide and conquer works. Which brings us back to Sherman, and the upcoming CBA negotiations. Could players actually exercise maximum show-stopping leverage, either by striking or credibly threatening to do so? It's possible. They know they got walloped on the last deal; they're openly envious of the big-money guaranteed contracts being handed out in the NBA; they're increasingly tired of commissioner Roger Goodell and the league handing them Ls on everything from player discipline to marijuana use to brain trauma protection. On the other hand, it's difficult to maintain solidarity when your credit card is being declined, or when rocking the boat might cost you a yacht. A financial house divided cannot stand—and as NFL players spoil for a 2020 fight, they would do well to look a little less like Dowton Abbey.

The NFL's Growing Class Divide Could Undermine a Potential Player Strike published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[notesfromdruchan]

“Cho”

The Wikipedia entry on Gay Talese [1], a reporter who is often mentioned when people talk about New Journalism and creative non-fiction, has a couple of phrases that remind me of Cho Ramaswamy. "Entirely happenstance" and "unintended consequence".

Although Cho's life and his multi-faceted career (as a corporate lawyer, consultant, theatre artist, dramatist, actor, director, political commentator, politician, and perhaps for what he's most successfully known, satirical writer) were not exactly happenstance or unintended consequence, that's the way he liked to describe them. In an older interview [2] — from times when interviews on TV were probably much more sensible, gainsome to the viewer and not bereft of value — Cho was asked about his career spanning not just a long stretch of time but field too. To this, Cho simply said it was all an accident.

Sure, some parts of his life were accidental happenstance. No one expected Cho to turn out into a political "seer" of sorts who dabbled in some arbitration between parties for a while. In fact, he has said on more than one occasion that his entry into journalism (through the satire magazine, Thuglak) happened "just like that".

Cho wasn't exactly a king-maker like Balasaheb Thackrey but he had the knack of foreseeing certain things in the political space. But he never carried this immodestly. To him, these foresights were as obvious as the summer sun and he refrained from claiming any special credit for foretelling the stories that were to unfold in a few months, years or even decades.

Not quite #1, but still...

Cho was not a crafty writer with a penchant for words. He clearly was not as popular a comedian as his contemporary, Nagesh. His days as a corporate lawyer are lost to history (or no one bothered to chronicle these yet). He was a dramatist at a time when other jaambavaans existed, mildly eclipsing his troupe. Thuglak, to this day, is not a mainstream magazine even within Tamil Nadu. His tenure as a politician was short-lived and not a very successful one at that. But there's probably no one in Tamil Nadu in the age-group of 35-85 that wouldn't know Cho or his tryst with various fields that he casually decided to touch.

We are all suckers for nostalgia. Not a day goes by without someone saying it was all great back in the good old days. So, it's not uncommon to feel that today's artists, journalists, and other celebrated, popular personalities are several notches down in the way they carry themselves and present themselves, in comparison to yesteryear celebrities (and by yesteryear, I mean those of the early 60s to early 80s; travel a little further and you end up with the likes of some unmentionable characters that have brought more disrepute than fame).

And yet, there's not one person that I can think of, even from that "yesteryear" era, who brushed aside any reference to hardwork, trials & tribulations, or the tremendous amount of time involved in their work of creation. Except, of course, Cho Ramaswamy.

Here was a man who started out as a corporate lawyer, wrote for plays and then acted and directed them, went on to act in movies and even write them, and then decided to start a magazine of satire (at a time when satire could invite deathly trouble) which lead him to arbitration and consultation with political heads (at the national level, mind you).

But when asked about all this, Cho would casually call them happy accidents. Sometimes, his conviction in that declaration is so strong that you're led to believe in it.

People are fond of talking about the hardships they go through in order to do the work they do. Mediocre creators with no inkling of how mediocre (or worse, crass) their creations are talk at length about the hardwork, the sacrifices and the trouble they went through to create. Almost everyone talks about these things. There's the stoking of ego clearly at play.

When celebrities try to be humble and if you're smart enough to catch it, you'll see the big, ugly brush-stroke of vanity in their attempt to sound humble. There's a lot of fake humility that goes around these days and the "fans" literally fan the smoke on places like Facebook and Twitter and Instagram that creates an illusion of a humble celebrity. The reality of course stands vastly different.

Cho never appeared humble. To some of his critics, he was in fact boastful of his own capabilities as a political commentator. "I'm not known for my modesty," he said once at a book launch. To some more — especially from the women's rights movement — Cho was a byproduct of the patriarchal Indian caste system (Brahminism, to be more specific), a male-chauvinist. But if there was one person who did not claim personal credit for all their output, it was him. He was so averse to claiming credit that he would actually discredit himself.

Controversial opinions, unapologetically held

A few years ago, Gopalkrishna Gandhi (the grandson of M.K.Gandhi and C.Rajagopalachari) wrote a beautiful piece on Swami Vivekananda [3]. For much of my generation (and perhaps to the previous one too), Vivekananda is the sterling example of forward thinking. In the piece, however, Gandhi pointed out certain facts about Vivekananda that invited a closer look at Vivekananda's thoughts. To the uninitiated, Swami Vivekananda held some condemnable thoughts on slavery and the role of women in the civic discourse. "[They] invite long editorial scissors" is how Gandhi describes some of Vivekananda's thoughts that, in the modern world, sound extremely backward and downright wrong.

Many of Cho's thoughts — which he was not afraid of voicing in a public forum — do invite long editorial scissors. While not being as strong an RSS sympathizer as his colleague at Thuglak, Gurumurthy, he was still a strong proponent of the Hindutva agenda. He was definitely a byproduct of Brahminism and, in fact, was probably the singular voice of the Brahmins during that specific time of Tamil Nadu's history when Periyar's and the Kazhagam's anti-Brahmin stand flourished justifiably.

Cho's views on women and their role in the society were dated and carried the same tone of patriarchy that the saffron brigade does. No wonder then that he attracted a lot of strong criticism from a lot of women-centric organizations. He was also, very popularly, anti-Left. That combination, however, did not refrain D. Raja, the leader of CPI(M), from attending one of the anniversaries of Thuglak. Nor did it affect the respect many of the leaders of the Left had for him.

Cho was unapologetic about his controversial views. He belonged to that upper class, Mylapore Brahmin school of thought which holds the varna system to be holy and morally right. He was basically a better, less-brash Subramania Swamy in many ways. But unlike the arrogant, patriarchal leaders of the saffron brigade, he also held views that are progressive. A brief example of this was in the way he declared his disbelief in the idea of total prohibition (in Tamil Nadu) not simply because he didn't think it was feasible (both culturally and economically) but beacuse he thought it was a pointless exercise. Someone with as strong a Hindutva (and Brahminical) agenda as Cho would hardly say something of the sort.

Probably the only rightwing, Hindutva secularist

For all his spiritualizing and massive pro-Hindu intellectual campaigns, he wasn't against any religion. Especially, not Islam. I don't think that he would sound anti-Islam even if his speeches were to be misinterpreted or taken out of context but given that I haven't heard very many of his speeches (at best, I'd have heard a sum total of 25-30 hours of his speeches on a variety of topics, delivered at various programs and meetings), I couldn't be the judge of his attitude towards Islam or other religious communities. But given that he was a Madras-product with a wide circle of friends from all walks of life and cultures, I'd probably bet a huge part of my income in saying that he wasn't anti-any-religion.

The lasting impact of his legacy is most certainly through his satire magazine. Thuglak enjoys a very strong affiliation by its readers who are probably in just the tens of thousands. It's a niche readership but like all niche readerships, it's very dedicated. Cho made his organization live precisely the way he preached — a strong, identifiable leadership was necessary irrespective of whatever democratic forum one wanted to build their organization into. Unlike every other public functions of other organizations, each Thuglak anniversary starts with a roll-call: Cho would introduce his entire staff (down to the chauffeurs) to the applause of his audience. And he would then follow it up with not speeches but with the audience asking questions. It was only after these democratic rituals that the speeches would commence. And even here, while he could have easily gotten away by inviting people who held similar beliefs and viewpoints, he invited people from camps that he was ideologically against. A communist, a Congressman, a Kazhagam functionary, a minority leader and so on.

Cho's idolators often talk about his unbiased writing which used to be true but by the end of it all, he did turn out to be biased in a lot of ways that even his readers questioned his bias. Cho was always ready with a witty response. In the aftermath of the 2G spectrum and the Nira Radia tapes, Cho was very much in support of AIADMK's chief (the late Jayalalithaa) as the singular alternative to the corrupt leadership of DMK. He was also completely in favor of Narendra Modi's PM candidature and held strong views against Advani's candidature. While he did call a spade a spade by being a strong critic of the government run by a party he supported (be it AIADMK in Tamil Nadu, or BJP/NDA in the Center), he did have his own set of biases that played along the narrative of the state or country. In more than one instance, he did accede to the charge that he was biased sometimes.

I've heard too many people say what people usually say when talking about dead people — that there can't be another Cho in the history of India. I wouldn't like to repeat it for the fact is there can't be another "whoever" for that matter. But if there is one thing that I'd like to carry to my grave, it's the dispassion of it all. In his time, Cho did some extraordinary things. But every time he was asked to speak about them, he did so in his characteristic witty demeanor, dismissing all praise and crediting happenstance and unintended consequence for all his achievements. That, I think, is the essence of it all. Dispassion.

—

1: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_Talese 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfBxXqTuWEE 3: http://www.thehindu.com/news/national/reclaiming-vivekananda/article4299153.ece