#and im there to get you anything you need if you just ask :) ok?
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I love vi so much that I’m so sad this happened to her. Like they “probably” wanted to convey that she’s gonna stick with Cait for a while by calling her a dirt under her nails but even writing that line rn is breaking my heart idk how everyone behnd that was just “yep that’s cool and so in character” this was the girl who said this city’s gonna respect to us someday and having a whole mental breakdown in front of Cait for how desperate her hometown place is in the “oil and water” scene. Im all here for caitvi but she loved jinx MORE THAN ANYTHING she’d die and kill for this girl why did the vice versa happen suddenly? Why did the writers discarded the legit CORE of her character, the one that was making her our vi, just to make her an extension of caitlyn. Not to say she’s probably still drinking as we see in the last scene why do they forced us to believe she’s gonna be ok cause she’s got Cait? Didn’t arcane prove us the whole time that love alone isn’t enough to make one healthy?
THANK YOU FOR MENTIONING THE GLASS IN THE FINAL SCENE BECAUSE I TOO WAS LIKE "WAIT IS SHE DRINKING AGAIN, CAN WE ELABORATE ON THAT" DBSBAJKBASKJ... I don't really have anything against her arc being that she needs to learn how to let people who don't want her to hold onto them go. Really, it's super unhealthy to keep obsessing over those who have left you behind, and I do think that the only way Vi could be happy is if she learned that lesson. Then, Jinx choosing to return to her would be all the more powerful. But the way we got to that point is just. Just really sad and not very good.
I saw the shippers complaining about the criticism of the final line and the jail scene by saying the critics just don't wanna see lesbians happy, but to me it's the opposite. I love Vi so much, she is my favorite character, and I absolutely wanted to see her happy, but I simply can't ignore what the story is telling me. Vi ISN'T happy. She is a prisoner in a system that treats her like shit, and she has made peace with it. She is humming a lullaby whose meaning is literally "Zaunites should be happy with Piltover's runoff and never ask for more", she is drinking, she is demeaning herself. The show tries to tell me she is happy, but that is not the emotion I am getting at ALL, because all the subtext points to the opposite.
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spare some spy hcs? 👀
OKAY. ok. so i have been putting off answering this ask because i’m admittedly very shy and very afraid of sharing my headcanons. and also because i have A LOT OF THEM.. but here we are!
here are my headcanon spies :) René works for RED and Jacques works for BLU!
where to start, where to start… i have a LOT of headcanons for them, i’ll be talking for FOREVER here. i’ll just start with story because why not! xP
René’s parents were also agents/spies, so he was always destined to be one as well. And he lives up to his parents’ legacies! He’s most notorious for destroying gangs and mobs and the like from the outside in. He was brought to America years ago to take out a dangerous mob boss, but unfortunately found himself infatuated (and involved) with the boss’ daughter. Luckily for him, the boss’ daughter wanted the guy dead, too.
René’s story is honestly a lot more fleshed out than Jacques’, but here goes anyway:
Jacques’ father was a very rich and powerful man in politics. Jacques himself was the result of an affair, and to keep it hush-hush, his father decided to raise him. Raise is a strong word, though— but he did help his father gain intelligence and blackmail on opposing political parties. Jacques proved to be a promising spy since childhood.
If anyone has any suggestions/ideas for Jacques’ story, let me know haha x) he didn’t have the greatest upbringing per se…
last thing on this section i wanna talk about is the Scouts. René is related to both of the Scouts; he’s RED Scout (Jeremy)’s biological father, and he’s BLU Scout (James)’ adoptive/step-father. Jacques has no relation to either scout, but acts as a guardian figure to BLU Scout.
anyway, this is the part where i continue talking about other miscellaneous headcanons! and these come with doodles :)
You couldn’t catch René DEAD without his mask, or his suit! He’d neeever take them off around other people (‘other people’ is mainly just Scout. For obvious reasons.) Meanwhile, Jacques is pretty lenient in letting his teammates see his face! Everyone on BLU’s seen his face at least once.
A big part of why René refuses to strip down is also due to the fact he has a LOT of tattoos. No doodle for this one because I’ve yet to decide on what tattoos to put on him (ideas are very welcome!!), but yeah! Most of the tattoos were ‘forced’ onto him/he had to get for jobs and ‘fitting in’ with bad crowds, but a good few of them were of his own accord, too.
Jacques doesn’t have tattoos, but he has a myriad of another thing: scars! Lots and lots of scars on this guy. Faded and old, sure, but they’re there. Most prominent ones are the one around his neck (from when the RED Medic beheaded him) and the ones on his forearms (those are from the LAST time he was imprisoned— looong story…)
René doesn’t cook very often for his team, but when he does, everyone’s always BLOWN AWAY by this guy’s cooking! René’s really bad at taking compliments, though— (“Cooking food that’s remotely edible isn’t a compliment, it’s basic survival.”) —but rest assured he’ll be thinking about it for the next month. Jacques, however… Do NOT let this guy into the kitchen. Ever. The BLU base has a special fire extinguisher “In Case Spy Decides To Turn On The Stove”
oooh, this one is an hc and a HALF to me. René much prefers working alone. It’s just in his nature, being isolated and whatnot. He likes to deal with things by himself– maybe he doesn’t want to burden others? On the contrary, Jacques NEVER works alone. It’s a trait he’s had even before being hired to BLU. You never know when things could go wrong, so it’s best to have someone else to fall back to… or someone else you can blame!
these hcs both have something to do with how René and Jacques show their trust in other people :) it’s a bit convoluted but it gets there:
René is, amusingly, very bad at remembering names. Almost laughably bad. There have been many-a-story of his days before RED where he’d get a target’s name wrong, even after he’d repeated it in his head dozens of times over. Names are difficult for him, so if he remembers yours, it means you mean a lot to him! He prefers using his teammates’ names rather than their titles. René is unaware of how charming this specifc trait is to his coworkers (they saw how much work and effort it took for him to memorize their names, they’re just happy with how far he’s come!)
Jacques has a… to put simply, very complicated relationship with food. But the one thing he’ll never turn down is sweets. His favorites especially being chocolate bonbons. Jacques has a hard time eating in front of others, let alone sharing his food! But if he genuinely likes and trusts you enough, he’d have half the mind to share with you. Admittedly, he hasn’t brought himself to share with most of the members of his team yet, except for a select few. Mostly BLU Medic and BLU Sniper.
—
and of course, eventually, EVENTUALLY, these two also become friends! it took a little bit but believe me, they both respect each other’s skill in their job :)
AHHg i could go sooo much longer about them— from things like their physical traits (how much teeth they have? it’s a pressing question) or different periods of their life (why did rené have to leave his family? why was jacques imprisoned for the last time?) BUT this post is so… so, so long. My fingers hurt from typing
If you’ve managed to read through this Beast, THANK YOU RAAHH!!! thanks so much for asking this, too. i hope to spare more hcs someday. hehe ^_^
#team fortress 2#tf2#spy tf2#tf2 spy#era.png#id in alt text#VERY LONG POST !!! very text heavy aaouhg#ok its taking all of my courage to make this post but i promised myself i’d get it out before i-#-turned nineteen LFJDKG. so. here they are :) rené and jacques my pookies…#UMM… idk what else to say here. thanks for asking and if you read this: THANK YOU ALSO ^_^#tumblr does NAWT want to format this post properly im going to pull my hair out#smoking#ask to tag#JUST IN CASE !!! there’s some slight implications of stuff here and there so if anyone needs anything tagged then feel free to lmk!#i also evidently have. a LOT of hcs regarding the BLU team. coughs. dont worry about that right now. Dont worry about it#era.txt#anon
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#i just need to vent abt this ok pls don’t yell at me or tell me im being ungrateful#but tfw u have almost 500 asks sitting in ur inbox and u literally don’t know what to do with them😀#the guilt that eats away at me because im not getting to what people say to me gets so bad sometimes#like you guys all have such great things to say and i want to be able to respond but there’s just such a large volume i get overwhelmed#and ive been so busy lately they’ve piled up bad#and ive even been missing ones from mutuals which i feel so bad about#im so sorry guys i really am like pls don’t abandon me im sorry ANDJJJSJ#and i just like. esp my regular anons i feel bad because i don’t mean to ignore you but stuff just gets lost#and the worst part is that if im spending hours on asks then im not writing fic#and im so behind on fic too#so. im not excelling in anything currently msdnskdjskdjskdjskdksks#el oh el#sorry i just needed that off my chest#i love u guys i appreciate you all seriously#delete later#🙏🙏🙏
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my advice for anyone whos growing more and more frustrated with the state of aftg and fandom at large is that arguing is fun but you need to be happy. ok. you need to. its hard when bad faith takes are dropped to your doorstep but you need to be happy and enjoy yourself and have fun or there's no point in anything at all ever. ok. fandom is not real and nothing is worth more than your enjoyment. i love you please make sure to have fun and reach out to a friend today. for me
#this goes doubly for fans of color if i'm honest#i say this bc a lot of my mutuals either currently or in the past have been very upset about how the fandom acts#and ive Done My Rounds with that ok#ive survived great wars even. and they did not make me happy#yes i was right and yes i should have said it but ultimately there was no material harm to choosing to have fun instead#lifes hard as it is in the real world where real things happen why would you waste your precious fun time on fighting crusades#and trust me i understand deeply the wish to fight crusades. Ive Fought Them. it got me hate mail and#an overall loss of passion for something i held sincerely in my heart#theres nothing more worthy than your enjoyment im serious. none of this is real and the world is hard out there#you need to get a good thing while u can#i dont remember a single time where ive actually felt vindicated by arguing with people online about. anything really but even more so aftg#but i remember in perfect and fond detail every time the (now defunct) kandreil discord server came up with an au#or even just normal casual conversation#i remember asks i got years ago about kevin day hcs that i hardly even agree with now but still love#trust me you will Not remember these squabbles what you will remember is what you loved and if youre lucky thats a lot of memories#so have fun ok. for me#txt
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haikaveh... save me haikaveh...
i KNOW it's been talked about to death but. the haikaveh research project. it literally haunts my mind. i cannot get over the implications. alhaitham going through his school life as someone that most people dont even really know about because he keeps to himself and doesn't socialize, with kaveh being the one exception to that, finding his way into his life as his Best Friend, and then leading to alhaithams one and only time he participated in a research topic. his bio says he only ever did ONE joint project!!! one!!! the one with kaveh his best friend and i think also his only friend at the time!!!! and then it ended in not only the project falling apart but also alhaithams only friendship. kavehs best friendship. they were each others closest person. they had no family around - alhaithams parents having died when he was young and his grandmother dying before he joined the akademiya, and kaveh's dad dying when he was young and his mom having moved to fontaine. like even if you dont look at it through a romantic lens it's still undeniable how important they were [and are] to each other..........
i'm getting off track but my point is very specifically for alhaitham, the one time he got close to someone, made a friend, even agreed to join one(1) group project ever, it ended in disaster. it led him into a fight so bad that his one and only friend said he regretted that friendship!!!! it was so bad alhaitham left the project and he and kaveh didnt speak for ages until they just happened to run into each other again at the tavern!!!!! like obviously it has to be incredibly awful for both of them but i just think how this probably had alhaitham in the cynical mindset that friendships and collaborations like that might just never work out for him because the one time he let someone into his life, it blew up on him and he was all alone again. even though alhaitham never seems to care much if people dont like him, that clearly cant still apply to someone he was exceptionally close to. like if he didnt care he woudlnt have been the one to take his name off the project and mutually not speak to kaveh...... kavehs words are the ones that hit the most significantly to alhaitham.......... kaveh is said/implied to have had at least some other friends while at school / people knew who he was, but not so much alhaitham. people didnt know him and the ones that did just knew he didnt socialize/he was not easy to get along with. he only had kaveh and then, for a while, he lost him too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#the number of times i have reread alhaitham character story 4 and kaveh character story 5. like. dont look at me. kfjsdklfh#on one hand im tempted to think alhaitham would have a fully cynical view of friendship#and be like USELESS NEVER AMOUNTS TO ANYTHING but. i kinda dont think he works like that#well i dont think he would think that either way now but#even in times of friendship breaking up w/kaveh like#alhaitham is very FACTS AND LOGIC and i feel like he would still like#idk. understand the objective value of human companionship. whether or not he feels it works for him#HOWEVER. jkdlhfsd he is also the one who in his other lore bits was like 'grandmother the other children are boring at school'#AT AGE SEVEN god he was probably such an unintentionally funny child. i love u alhaitham u are so neurodivergently coded#so idk i feel like he would have a period where hes like okay. i was alone before and clearly that was the right call bc my 1 friend is gon#even if he does well alone i cant even imagine like. kaveh mustve been a huge impact and difference in alhaithams life#humans need SOME level of socialization!! and kaveh was his.... aughhh god they literally also read as having a bad breakup!!!!!#queer coded TO ME!!!!!! friends to rivals/friends to lovers to enemies to it's complicated..................#but again even if u dont think of it in a romantic sense like it's still so much. they were and are so significant to each other.#their bond is so complex and oughghdhgh they make me go bonkers#i do not think of any other 2 genshin characters so intensely as i do them .what have they done to me. what the fuck.#im alone in my stupid little genshin pit endlessly babbling about these motherfuckers!!!!!!!#and i love them. also i like that one scene in i think cynos 2nd character quest where al and kav r in the library or w/e#and kavehs like wtf no way u dont small talk w/coworkers. and alhaithams like no i just happen 2 hear people but i do not engage#hes so real he likes to eavesdrop but he does NOT want to get involved!!!!!!!!!!!!#also that same scene where kaveh goes 'WTF looking thru these will take FOREVER!!!!' alhaitham: 'ill manage'#kaveh: >:( FINE ILL HELP YOU!!!! like ok he did not ask. silly.#and alhaitham teasing him right after all that. 'teach me to pretend u werent listening' '...' '...' '...' '...HEY STOP IGNORING ME' 'see.'#theyre so goofy. kaveh u walked right into that one. ily.#i love when i talk about characters and it's literally just me going 'wow remember when character x said this. remember when he did that.'#i just love repeating scenes and dialogue and lore over and over and over and offering nothing new to say about it JKFLDSHKLFH#sorry i love them SO much and im bad at drawing and bad at fanfic so i just have to ramble in text posts forever#i do have. a fanfic outlined for them. i am just scared to write it#nothing crazy deep or whatever but yknow. im in a bit of a Funk Right Now dont worry about it#i need a constant stream of alhaitham and kaveh content constantly injected directly into my brain.
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farewell, my idiot son…
#(aka my switch’s internals got fried so the repair shop had to format it to revive it: the tragicomedy)#(wait no on further inspection they seemed to have just given up on fixing it and gave me a whole other switch instead. lmao.)#(i wonder what happened to my old switch though…)#(farewell to all of my save data… thank heavens i didnt transfer anything over from past gens of pkmn)#(but aaaaaaaaa this shiny goo was a christmas present from a former acquaintance… rip squish you wouldve loved kimikawaii mv)#man… these past couple of days have been a *l o t*.#shoutout to [job recruitment company employee] who sent me a ‘hey the job wants you :)’ message#at the exact same time that i submitted a job application form for another company. it truly was a strange coincidence i think…#but… ehe… the… the job that wants me is offering $1k more than the monthly base salary i asked for… is… is this really ok…?#nothing’s confirmed yet. but. y’know. s t i l l . is it really ok for me to get paid so much for a job that lets me skip the morning commute#and while im still reeling from all of yesterday’s happenings… squish my dear shiny goo will never be seen again…#switch save system my b e l o a t h e d#so. long story short. take good care of your gadgets and gizmos guys.#then again. maybe im not the best person to say this… i mean. i’ve bricked like. 3 personal laptops in my lifetime…#and a phone sim card. and 2-3 nokia phones. and 3 android phones. and a tablet. and—#so. yeah. uh. it’s a good idea to take care of your stuff. especially if they’re fragile.#anyway. in memoriam of squish my idiot son im gonna try to find another shiny in sv this time. i hope i can find another…#but aaaaa the map in sv is pretty huge. um. i got lost like 10 times before even making it to school…#the friends are all just. so. friend-shaped. though… i like the sandwich pal. he has priorities.#looking forward to seeing how this story unfolds thoughh. i saw spoilers on twt but i need to know how the story even unfolds bc aaaa#ok that’s it idol sengen tl is now on an extended hiatus (ch 35 has just 7 pages left to go) till i complete this game. whenever it may be.#see y’all then~~~~~~~~~~~
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the current state of the arg
sorry guys the art isnt arting D:
(btw if youre confused on why i drew turnip like that i was referencing the picrew he did ages ago bc idk it looked fun to draw anddd i dont like taking reference off real life images)
#i felt like just a lillll bit of a creep relistening to voice messages over and over to find a good quote but. yk what. it was worth it#i totally didnt take reference from the really cool face i used in that animation because im still really proud of it#idk if emi or TD have a sona but if they do im not aware of it and i didnt feel like asking so i just drew both of them as blank characters#im too stressed to scheme lol#maybe#just maybe#i need to stop drinking tea because the caffiene makes me anxious#...#naaaaahhhh#i dont really know what to do with myself atm because i dont want to work on the animation unless turnon is ok out of pure spite#this morning i was absolutely radiating stress#i have a friend who shows up so we can walk together to school and she could tell smth was off lol#i literally could not hide it at all even if i wanted too#i kept pulling my hat over my face thats the main way you can tell that im stressed#not that it really matters that you know that bc none of you are ever gonna witness that but. fun fact abt me ig#ugh#if turnon dies i am gonna cry so hard <333#and i wont finish the animation <333333333#(at this point just trying anything to get turnon back)#im gonna make a word doc#i make word docs when im stressed /hj#quick question turnip : is there a way to get turnon out of the situation he is in or is he just gonna die and theres nothing we can do#about it /gen#because i have a sneaky suspicion that we cant actually do anything about this#i swear to god#LETS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE!!#A DEFRAG MIGHT COME OUT TMR!!#its been 21 days and a defrag takes on average 20-25 days#ough#turnip and addon im gonna find where you live and i will burn your respective houses down
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well that was a shortlived good feeling about my job
#maybe i should just become unemployed. maybe i should just suffer!#recap of todays further events .#that supervisor? who i kinda didnt already like but now absolutely hate?#she came down to confirm that i wasnt leaving. okay . and then she fucking tells me#oh we're going to get another person to help out from this other company. we were going to do that bc we thought you were leaving#but she thinks that even if im staying there should be another person on this floor. bc apparently more has to be done#and there are 'constant complaints' abt this floor . which doesnt make sense to me bc there shouldnt be#and so we're waiting to see what the manager decides but hes on fucking vacation and wont get back until. next week??#she said she was gonna email him and like right after she left i emailed and texted him explaining everything#and trying to very nicely say hey what the fuck are you doing you don't need to hire anyone else#and if im doing a bad job fucking tell me so i can do it better. bitch#and she had the nerve to fucking tell me when she was talking to me#that i wont find an easier job than this one#well if its so fucking easy why are we hiring someone else#by the way getting that extra person from this other company doesnt cost them anything which is why theyre doing it i think#which is making me not feel good abt my own future lmao. like why would they keep paying me when they can get someone for free#and she was saying all this stuff like oh you have it so good here we dont write you up i do all this stuff to help you like . ok#i didnt ask you to come downstairs w the coffee order and if you wanted me to i would come up . god#but the thing of me not being able to find a better job like wow! what if i killed you. for saying that to my face#and she talks abt how shes been w the company 20 years ok and that doesnt give you an excuse to treat me like a child. jesus#anyway im very pissed off and not enjoying my work situation lol. i dont wanna do this anymore#but looking at other jobs im so unemployable. sigh
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Are you active on social media or just check it sometimes?
i am everywhere to see and nowhere to be found
#short answer: sometimes!#mmmMMMMmmMMMMmmMMMMmicrowav#silly squeaking time#i wrote so many tags on this i had to delete all i was too honest that was a moment of weakness and self loathing#ok so. with this account i just check it sometimes because i get overwhelmed by the thought that i show my personality#so i don'treally do anything asidefrom posting and blocking (i dont even follow) im more active in another account but!#i dont show my personality or say that im me so that way im more calm#in here i have heart attacks KJAHSKDKJDFDSD#aaaa but im even less here because im busy with college im sorryyy#there are a lot of things i want to draw and ask i want to answer with drawings but i cant drawAND I WANT TO DRAW REN AAAGRGGGRGGRGRRGRGGGR#i also need to get the queue going but i want to put more stuff there and i haven't had time for that either fuck my stupid baka life#i want to let it run while i dissapear for a long time but i have for just three days i think. take a shot every time i say something is qt#thank you for the interest/support and the concerns. i just need time im sorry#imnot used to this
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ok i gotta do the gunshots thing again just in case. and also bc ive seen some of this on my tumblr friends blogs lately
hi if ur identified endogenic system or pro endo fuck off thanks. i ask you to do research. and if u dont wanna just block me thanks thumbs up.
more shit in tags lol
#special message to innocently pro endo or unaware singlets: read medical shit. and also block endo tags so you dont keep reblogging stuff#with DID/OSDD/CDD misinformation by accident by not being in those spaces#smiles#lightposts#scared of being seen as hateful when its literally just how these disorders WORK. stop spreading harmful shit#i know most self identified endos are probably disordered and just cant deal with the idea that theyre disabled yet. which sucks.#they deserve to know whats going on and that THEY NEED TREATMENT. its not fun. its insulting seeing this on my dash or on my friends blogs#acting like its a lifestyle choice is insulting.#disorders are not another queer identity to apply to yourself. conflating the two as the same harms both groups. ok im done#friends please block those tags. imean you can do what you want. but i guess i Encourage you to look at what youre spreading. see where you#get these ideas from#if u ask ill tell u which ones u can block. or generally wtf im talking about. i understand nonsystems wouldnt know anything abot this stuf
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HEY. tell me about a million things (please)
hey so i actually spent over an hour (not even exaggerating) writing a really long and incoherent rant about everything i think and wonder and imagine about alagadda but then tumblr broke and deleted the Entire Fucking Thing so uh. idk what to tell you man im sorry if you want you can ask me about it or something and ill answer it when im not the angriest ive ever been in my life
#'something broke try again 😔' Tumblr Im Going To Fucking Do Something Terrible Do You Know How Much I Put Into That Post You Deleted.#OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I HAD SO MUCH SHIT WRITTEN DOWN ABOUT LITERALLY EVERY THOUGHT IVE EVER HAD ABOUT ALAGADDA BECAUSE ITS ALL I THINK ABOUR#SO MANY QUESTIONS SO MANY HEADCANONS I LITERALLY SPENT OVER AN HOUR WRITING!!!!!!!!#AND YOU DONT EVEN GET TO SEE IT!!!!!!!!!!! OH KY GOD#I MIGHT CRY#FUCKING#AHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!#I WAS SO EXCITED TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO BECAUSE I NEVER GET THE CHANCE TO?#BUT OK FINE WHATEVER I GUESS I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL I GET ANOTHER CHANCE.#sco mutuals. Olease. I Need to talk about this fuckass fictional city or i will die please i swear i dont bite just ask me anything literall#y anything please#😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#zomb answers
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when teachers tell you to stay in school they are NOT fucking lying
#i stopped going to school at 15 and it will actually be extremely hard to do anything now#like i didnt need to do any higher exams...#BUT i need to be able to say ive done them#and i could do them now#once i figure out if im gonna try and do higher education#but like im just kinda hoping i figure it out somehow#i could do an access course. all is not lost#but it would be exetremely better for me now if teenage me would have done all this shit when she had a more than one teacher#practically begging her to#but i think i would have ended up killing myself and i have experienced so much growth since then#like i wouldnt actually trade what ive done since i left cuz it has just made me like an all around more confident person#but jesus#life has stalled a little bit. i need to get momentum back cuz everyday is the same#and im chronically fucking bored#is it ok to still not know what you wanna br when you grow up at 22???? asking for a friend.
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how do you ask your roommate to leave surfaces generally in a clean and working order. not even talking about clutter but like oil and grime and shit
#he is my age. at the throats of parents who dont teach their male children to clean#god knows im not perfect at this but at least i have immense social anxiety about putting my own obstructive messes in front of other peopl#id like to state for the record that im not angry or upset over this . just frustrated that im doing a) more home maintenance work than him#and b) more home maintenance work than i did living on my own#and im like 2-3x as busy. get 2-3x less sleep. developing stress conditions etc etc#he does stuff when i ask him to in a good enough kinda way but also i hate asking 👍👍👍👍👍 i hate asking so fucking bad#this close to asking him to just hire a cleaning service on his weeks to clean despite the fact that he makes like almost half of what i do#augh#anyway im fine . ive been crocheting a project due at the end of the month for 4 hours straight sitting on the living room carpet#id sit on my couch but like i have a thing about touching peoples beds and hes asleep on it half the time 😭#incidentally. yes thats why im in the living room instead of my room lmaoooo#ugh ok anyway anyway. ''you live like this?'' yes sorry i just need to talk to him but our schedules are really incompatible l#and im always the one pestering him about stuff like hes never asked me to do anything . so i feel bad. this is my own fault. i know this#just need to complain somewhere because my ass is numb lol this isnt a cushiony carpet
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realized I'm in a constant state of "Overwhelmed" because today I left my room and immediately got asked to do more than 1 thing for others and it sent me into legitimate fight or flight
have you ever been so burnt out that the thought of doing anything causes your ashes to light on fire all over again
#shea muses aloud#more of a vent but not really a vent#im just so tired but i hardly do anything anymore#i havent seen friends in ages#i just work and then get too exhausted from the toll on my body and hibernate#thats not a way to live goddamn#i feel like a reanimated corpse instead#i got asked what im doing today and was like 'i gotta work on job apps' and the response was 'ok good that means we can go shopping today'#followed directly by a different ask of 'hey i need you to make some boxes for me'#followed directly by the knowledge that i had missed a doctor's appointment and that im out of meds#and that i have work tomorrow and am not prepared#everything feels like smog in my lungs that i cant cough up#i used to be able to do so much#but then again#health problems and chronic pain will do that to a mfer
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ive been a little upset about it all night so i need to write out all the things that happened at work today and are bugging me so i can TRY to get it out of my head and actually RELAX bc i just keep pacing in circles around it instead of just accepting it and moving on
#for context i was working frying chicken today. ok so i arrive and literally all the chicken out expires within ten minutes of each other#meanwhile to remake everything takes about an hour 20#tried my best to get everything out and replaced and make sure i have enough of everything and then take my break bc with chicken there are#few narrow windows to take your break in you have very little control over when it is#get back and while im getting ready for my next fry one of the assistant leaders comes back and passive aggressively asks 'everything ok?'#and when i say yeah shes starts saying how shes 'just checking' because apparently i didnt have enough chicken out for her liking and went#on about how we're in a chicken drive (I KNOW. I WORK CHICKEN SHE NEVER HAS.)#etc etc. i just say ok and she leaves#like 20 minutes later she comes fucking back to rag on me again about how i need to choose my break times better and i need to have more#chicken out there as back up (extremely difficult bc there is literally only so much room in the fryers. the batches i usually make already#nearly completely fill them up) blah blah and then when i try to explain how i WAS making pretty big batches people are just snatching them#up fast she keeps trying to walk out the door right away and keeps stopping and looking over her shoulder to just stare at me while i try t#finish my sentence#and she just. doesnt say anything in response when i do finish she just leaves#so clearly she didnt want a conversation she just wanted to rag on me#then later for cleanup the timing of everything just kept lining up inconveniently so i kept having to get in and out of raw cleaning gear#and slowing myself down and i end up having to stay almost 15 minutes late to finish cleaning#during cleaning i have to go grab a key to the back door to take out my trash and this one coworker i have was standing in the way of the#door. i say excuse me and she just stares at me and goes huh?#and i say i need a key and she barely moves out of the way without responding and she has a look like im bothering her#why are you acting like im being douchey. i just need a key. thats something she does a lot she acts like im inconveniencing her by asking#basic favors . ive stopped asking her to help me open the back door (sometimes needed if i also have raw garbage to take out and therefore#cant touch the key myself) for some reason she takes it upon herself to almost completely close the door after i walk out so when i come#back i have to awkwardly use my foot to reach around and pull the door open#ive asked her before not to do it and she just ignored me#GRAH GRAH. and then like i said in my last rb i realized while i was drivign home i forgot to wash a damn pan#im mostly worried about it because ive forgotten a couple times in the past too . in my defense its a pan i personally dont use but it just#gets left behind from first shift sometimes and then second shifters end up having to make sure its clean#im just irritateddd and im mad im worried about it all. its all little things piling up on each other#LOL I WROTE A LOT MORE BUT THE REST GOT CUT OUT IG I HIT A TAG LIMIT. tumblr voice ok dude quit your bitching !!
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i guess im being offered the job lol
#i didnt even have to interview????? here i was worrying about oh god going for an interview#but i guess not???#manager called me just now and was like hey i spoke w the people they want to know if you can start on these dates#like. okay???????#theres a week of training for me to do and then the following week id start at thee job#like an idiot as i was saying bye on the phone i only remembered then that i should have asked if it was PAID training ugh.#im assuming so . but maybe not. idk#im gonna call him back on monday to give my answer#this is it.... i may finally be free of the annoying people....#but like anything i have my trepidations. bc who know if itll work out#well thats life. as the song goes#fortunately im still within the timeframe to change the amount for my commuter benefits pretax card thing#bc the monthly pass id need for the new job#costs like less than half of what i pay now for the bus to ny#crazyyyyy. anyway i gotta do that if i decide to take the job#its more money (a little. but still more. ok its like a dollar and 4 cents more. which not a lot but still)#i get more sleepytime (always good) and im saving on commuting#plus ill only have to pay nj (and federal) taxes. instead of also paying ny yay. thats good#sorry again weighing the pros and cons onstage here#UH. what else#well a shorter commute is good but it means less reading/music listening time#although ive only resumed reading recently lol#idk. well then i could read at home and not worry about my books getting messed up#these past couple weeks ive been :( that the like 70-something year old paperback ive been taking is getting a bit rougher#only a little. but yesterday it got a bit wet bc my bag got soaked in the rain#why am i taking a super old book to work well i dont know what to tell you we have some old books#ok getting off topic. everything seems good about the new job so fuck dude i guess ill go for it#finally free of the stupid people here.... on to new stupid people (undoubtedly)#well it's probably all good then but unfortunately i always worry what if it isnt. hm
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