#and im still deciding what direction i want to take my poem when i write for this prompt

[silhouettecrow]

365 Days of Writing Prompts: Day 150

Adjective: Emotional

Noun: Paint

Definitions for those who need/want them:

Emotional: relating to a person's emotions; arousing or characterized by intense feeling; (of a person) having feelings that are easily excited and openly displayed

Paint: a colored substance which is spread over a surface and dries to leave a thin decorative or protective coating; an act of covering something with paint; (informal) cosmetic makeup; (computing) the function or capability of producing graphics, especially those that mimic the effect of real paint; (North American) a piebald horse; (basketball) the rectangular area marked near the basket at each end of the court, or the foul lane

[moon-goddess-posts]

Hello everyone! This is my first fanfiction and I decided to write kaeya first because I just love him sm 😭😭😭😭 anyway hope you guys enjoy! Zhongli is up next. I'm also new to Tumblr so idk how this works LMFAO

Kaeya x Gn reader

Fluff, kaeya is weird but its ok cause he warms up to you, didn't proof read this cause it was 1am

You were walking around the streets of mondstadt, you always loved the night and decided to come out for some fresh air. Lost in thought, you were reflecting on your first moments here and how the handsome calvary captain gave you a tour of the city. You were an adventurer from Fontaine seeking to do research on all the 7 regions. Mondstadt was the first region on your list. You've heard most of it from stories on barbatos and how he saved mondstadt, but you'd love to meet the people and all the certain flowers that were around. You finally arrived at the front gate and the guards gave you a warm welcome. The city air was fresh and everything had a carefree warm feel to it. "This truly is the city of freedom" you thought to yourself and smiled. Having everything written down on your notebook, you decided to try out the foods that were common here. "What can I get for you today?" The women spoke as you came up to the counter. You took out your notebook and chose a dish. "I'll take one chicken mushroom skewer please, ah would I also ask for your name if you don't mind?" You gave a friendly smile. "My name is Sara, worker at Good Hunter! Your food will be right up. I see you arent around here." "Nice to meet you Sara, im actually traveling the 7 regions for my art pieces and mondstadt just happened to be my first one. I would love to know some tourist attractions around here, would you happen to know a guide?" It was nice to see a conversation going well especially since you were never really the best at conversations. But you wanted to hurry up because your social battery was draining fast. "Id love to be your guide" and unfamiliar voice came to the right and you shot your head to that direction. His appearance was definitely different from the rest of the citizens but looked really attractive either way. He was leaning against the booth almost giving off an intimidating nature underneath the layers of charming. "Really? That would be great, thank you so much! And uhm your name is...?" Depsite the oddness you got from him, you did your best to continue the conversation as normally as possible. "Kaeya, Knights of Favionus, happy to be your guide dear" his sudden pet name made you flitch but you pushed it off "So where are we going first dear calvary captain" you gave him a teasing remark as you smirked. He chuckled "well obviously I wouldn't be a good tour guide if I didn't show you the Barbatos statute first." "Ah of course haha" you gave him a nervous chuckle. "Is there any other reason you decided to come here other than to just "explore"" You thought he ease dropped on your conversation, and even so he still didn't find you that trust worthy. "Well I'm a pretty well known artist where I'm from, but besides just coming here to make art I also decided to write a few poems for each region. If you'd want I can show you my works" you smiled happily and his cold attitude started to fade just a bit. "You can show me once we get to the next place, feel free to draw me then too ♡" it wasn't the best first impression but at least he didn't feel as hostile anymore. You and Kaeya finally made it to the statue and it was more beautiful in person than your thoughts could ever imagine. Ideas started to flow through your brain on how to paint it. "Wow its so...." you were at a lost for words. "Breathtaking isn't it?" Kaeya finished your sentence and you flahsed him a small smile and nod. "Yeah it is, ill be sure to mark it down as the first place to paint. Maybe if you'd like, you can give it to the Acting Grandmaster as a token of my thanks for having me here" "Such a kind hearted soul arent you? I'll be sure to inform her." Kaeya patted your head and walked off, assuming he was leading you to the second destination, you started to follow him. "You should stop by the tavern Cats Tail sometime tonight, I can tell you more about this place and if you'd like, more about me," You saw this as an opportunity for more research on the area, and maybe get to know Kaeya a bit more, he truly was an interesting person, so you

accepted. "I'll be sure to make it around 18:00 or 19:00!" The next destination included a beautiful tree, lake, and another small statue of barbatos. You thought it was truly magnificent, especially how the sun hit the leaves all so perfectly giving it a warm glow. "This place is Windrise. Its often associated with love and is one of the most well know spot for dates." He winked at you and you looked away, not really sure what to do. "Is that so? I can see why. Its very beautiful." You did your best not to stutter from how flirty he was being. "This statue here is for offerings. You find anemoculous and you offer them to the statues. In return, you get a gift from the God." "Oh! We have on of those where I'm from as well, but its a different person." You weren't really sure why you wouldn't tell him where you were from, maybe it was because he was super analytical, or the whole predator with its prey vibe he got going on. "There are 7 types of statues that represent the 7 archons, would it be ok if you'd tell me where you're from? I'm just so interested in you." He gave a flirty smirk and you couldn't help but blush a little bit. "Uhm I'm from Fontaine, if you couldn't tell by the clothes. Its quite similar to Mondstadt, but I find it here to be more peaceful and calming than there." "Fontaine huh? I've heard people live the luxury over there. Very formal." He laughed a bit, part of him was right but it wasn't all that good as he was making it sound. "Hmm I guess you could say that, my parents were pretty well off but I can't say much about the rest." Your gaze drifted off to the forming sunset and you wondered if you should head back soon. "Ill head back, ill tell you more about the attractions tomorrow. Don't forget our date tonight deary..." He waved goodbye and walked off. "Deary.." you said to yourself, he flattered you very much but all of it seemed off in a way. You didn't think to much about it and decided to head back too. Your memories of your first interaction with Kaeya was over once you heard someone call your name. A familiar voice that was. "Y/n!" Kaeya called out. Automatically knowing who it was, you turned around to be greeted by a fine tall man dressed in blue tones "Hi Kaeya!" "I dont think its a good idea for a pretty lady like you to be walking out so late at night." He sounded amused but you were over it. "Oh cut it out captain, I know you were just swooning some girls a couple minutes ago." "Haha so what, you jealous?" "Dont flatter yourself, why would I be jealous anyway? Feelings like those are just a waste of time" you hated to admit that you were just a tiny bit jealous. You weren't sure how your crush on the calvary captain formed but it did and it didn't seem to be going away any time soon. Part of you thought maybe he already knew and he was just toying with you. Or maybe he was oblivious to it, thinking no one could love such a person like him. Either way, you still kept these feelings inside. "There's no shame in bearing emotion, love, its just our nature. And for a while I think you've been feeling pretty intense emotions about a certain someone..." His hand tilted your chin so you could face up to him. Shoot did he know? How was that possible? Was I that obvious? You thought to yourself, you weren't sure how you were going to get out of this situation. "I...I-its nothing that concerns of you" you broke eye contact but you knew kaeya wasn't letting up. "A lie to a lier is no stranger, but if you wish to keep your secrets then who am I to cross such a boundary." He back off from you and you started to breathe again. You wanted to tell him so bad. How much you loved and cared for him, how much you so desperately wanted to be there for him no matter what situation. You were willing to take risks for him if it meant that one day you would forever be together. But maybe you thought the image you had of him was wrong. You knew well enough his flirty nature was never sincere, and how he was hiding something much darker then you ever wanted to imagine. Even so, you still wanted your

thoughts of him to become right. So before he walked off again you mustered up the courage. "Kaeya wait! I, I do actually want to tell you something." He looked surprised now but intrigued. "Ever since we met, there was always something different about you. It always left me wanting to know more and over the years I did learn more about you. But then I started feeling these weird emotions and having thse weird thoughts like thinking maybe one day we could be together...or knowing the real you even. I know you say less than you lead on but I felt like I'd be willing to take extreme risks to know who you actually are. I feel so safe around you and I always smile at those good memories we have. I dont know if this is called love, I dont know fully what love is but you're special enough for me to be having these feelings." Thats it, you let everything out. Awaiting for rejection, you began to panic when the silence held for what seemed like an eternity, until you heard him walking toward you. He held your chin again and gave you a look you've never seen before. A mix of admiration, and happiness. He swiped his thumb over your bottom lip and you tensed up. "Kaeya...." Before you could say anything else, he pulled you into a kiss. A new feeling started to arise and your whole body began to feel hot. Euphoria was coursing through your veins and you felt like you were going to fall without Kaeyas support. He was so warm, so intoxicating. You couldn't even feel where you were or he was, it all just became a bundle of sensations and happiness. You couldn't tell how long you both had kissed for but you were the first one to pull away as your breath began to shorten. "As much as a flirt as I am, I dont do well communicating my actual emotions. So id prefer to show them through my actions. I cant say it right now, but I hope that helped you realize what my answer is." He pulled you into a hug and you buried his face into his fur jacket. Already knowing his answer, you breathed a sigh of relief

[cryolyst]

I love ALL of your WIP titles but I’m vvvv curious about 7 through 13 👀💜💜 (totally okay to only talk about some/one!!)

i would LOVE to talk about all of them because i love talking about my ideas

bash is short for birthday bash. it's a league of villains humor fic where each of them commit terrrible food crimes (like boiling coca cola or combining chili sauce and tuna and peanut butter) and dunk on each other about it and then it cumulates in a birthday party for shigaraki serving the worst food you can imagine. snippet:

"Who the fuck eats peanut butter on a tuna sandwich for dinner?"

"Me, as evidenced." Dabi's face is impassive as he reaches for a bottle of hot sauce.

:pensive: and :pensive: but worse are two crack one-shots with the same premise, but i couldn't decide if i wanted to make it dabihawks or shigahawks. idk how to talk about it without basically giving away the whole thing but i can tell you it's based on a bit in a danny gonzalez video and the official title will be "pov: you and your boyfriend are at a party and your ex walks in"

love is a bowl of warm soup is dabi centric/shigadabi no quirks au about the league of villains meeting through a community food garden/kitchen that's run by shirakumo, aizawa and mic. they all find a home at the garden and a family in each other, learning to grow things and cook food and share meals together. so far i only have a few pieces of dialogue and an outline but community gardens are very dear to me so im really really excited about this one jxkdjmzkzl

jirou momo college/coffee shop is exactly what it says on the tin jzkxjkrxjsdj. jirou is a music major and momo is a textiles major at the same college. jirou studies a lot at the coffee shop by the arts department and has a huge crush on the pretty girl that she sees there all the time. mina, kiri, and kami are part time baristas at the coffee shop and are like "jirou please just ask her out." snippet:

Sometimes he's here with a young woman, a beautiful girl with glossy dark hair and always dressed in the trendiest fashion. And they sit together to talk, and Kyouka hears the most angelic voice and laughter.

"You're staring again~"

Kyouka jumps at the sound of Ashido's teasing voice. "No I'm not!" She makes a fruitless attempt at cooling the heat rushing to her face.

"You totally were! I don't even know why you're still trying to deny it."

beep // miruko is a poem!! it's currently got two stanzas, one taking place in miruko's youth and one taking place (manga spoilers) around chapter 278 after the whole,,, losing her arm thing,,, with the intention of another stanza between the two and another for when she returns to the field

20 y/o hawks + his new sidekick is a pre-canon fic partially inspired by a convo @kkachis and @tohmatosauce had about how hawks' agency was likely opened by the HSPC before he was of age, so it was likely run by the HSPC for the first few years before he took more control of it. it'll mainly be about my (currently unnamed and underdeveloped jzjsdzhdk) 18 year old chaotic sidekick oc being mentored by 20 year old overworked hawks, as he starts to run things on his own, and questioning the authority and righteousness of the HSPC. i keep putting off writing this because i a) feel the need to read vigilantes first and b) have too many ideas about which direction to take it, but here's a bit from the beginning:

"A sidekick like her is only going to bring your image down," the representative says. "We don't want society to have any doubts about your ability to protect them."

He trusted the HSPC to have the best interests of the greater good at heart, he really did. But at the same time, she was the first sidekick he'd been allowed to choose on his own. He didn't want to doubt the choice he had made; he wanted to believe that his 13 years of training meant he was able to see the potential of a good hero, that his judgment was right.

thank you so much for the ask and the title appreciation and also an opportunity to ramble 😭💖💖 love you!!

[beaufortswan42]

The Forks P.1

This is my first ever fan fic for twilight Life and Death Reimagined. It was a really random idea that popped into my head 😅 I had a lot of fun writing this so here goes nothing, enjoy!

“Oh no, no no. There’s no way in hell im going to go up on that stage in front of the whole school. I’d rather scrape gum off every desk for the rest of the year.” I loudly exclaimed as I stood outside of my bio class.

“Oh come on beau! We really need you. You’re the only person I know who can sing those high notes. I wouldn’t be asking if we didn’t need you. ” McKayla stated in a loud whisper, gazing at me with pleading eyes.

The school talent show was this Friday and McKayla’s band needed a lead singer fast. Justin Salinger, the band’s lead singer, came down with mono. Thanks a lot ski trip from last Friday.

“Sorry McKayla I can’t do it. I already get sick and nervous from going up to the black board. If I perform in front of the school, the entire front row is going to be covered in vomit.” I shuddered at the idea of going up there and making a fool of myself. I’ve never been a performer and I don’t know how I could convince anyone that I am. Yes I took singing lessons as a kid and I could hit a few notes here and there but by no means was I made to sing. I also don’t want Edythe Cullen and her ridiculously good looking siblings to be there. They would think of me as a loser, more than I already am. If there’s any day that she could be absent I hope it would be this Friday.

McKayla must’ve noticed how nervous I got because she moved a few inches closer to me and not so subtlety placed her hand on my bicep as a way to “comfort” me. She looked up at me, turned on her puppy dog eyes, and fluttered her eyelashes. Her level of flirting dangerously increased over the last few weeks when she felt that Edythe Cullen was no longer a “rival”. As she tightened her grip on my bicep, from the corner of my eye, I noticed a perfect looking person gracefully sashaying my way. Edythe Cullen is the most beautiful and interesting girl I’ve ever laid eyes on. Her bronze hair was perfectly wavy today. Her purple turtleneck hung on her body so comfortably. Her pale face looked impeccable as always, her golden irises glimmered in the light. I felt a strong-intense-magnetic pull as she passed by me to go into class.

“Earth to beau....helloooooo, it’s me your bestieeee.” McKayla said while she waved her hands in front of my face. I didn’t realize I had turned my head when I was admiring the subject of my every night dreams.

“Huh? Oh sorry, umm, yeah I don’t think I can...what if i mess up the lyrics or freeze on stage?” I quietly whispered to her as I walked in class and sat down at my seat next to Edythe. Mrs. Banner was not in class yet which gave McKayla the green light to sit at the edge of our table.

“I promise that won’t happen beau. We’re going to work really hard to get this right. I’ll do anything beau...Uhhh, I’ll write your term paper for English class. Or I’ll wash your car! Ummm, oooo! I can even convince my dad to give you a raise. Anything...but please, we need you.” McKayla desperately pleaded as she pushed back the small hairs that fell in front of my forehead. Her fingers lingered there for what seemed like forever till she thankfully removed her hand.

I turned towards the black board frightened at the thought of performing in front of hundreds of people. I can’t do this, I don’t like attention. The very thought of attention makes my skin turn red, I get cold to the point where my teeth chatter. My legs wobble and sweat drips from my forehead. In other words, I’m a hopeless nervous introvert who would rather hide under a rock than to expose myself to people. I remembered the time I threw up in front of my whole class in elementary school when I was asked to read my poem about dinosaurs. The poem was great, I wasn’t. The thought of going up in front of an even bigger audience was making me shiver of nerves and anxiety already. I shook myself from the daydream and casually glanced to my left without really thinking. I noticed that Edythe had tilted her head in my direction. Huh, weird. Was she listening to what I would say? Did she care or was it all in my head? Was she hoping I’d say no? Or was she dare I say...jealous? No, that’s ridiculous I thought. It’s been a few weeks since I last spoke to her. She had told me she didn’t think we should be friends. It was so egotistical of me to think that Edythe Cullen would even spend five minutes of her day thinking of someone boring like me. Edythe was a queen among her ordinary subjects. There was no way she thought of me like that. I still think she regrets saving me from being crushed by Taylor’s van. That’s why she didn’t want to be friends with me, she’s way out of my league and she knows it. I can’t say I blame her. It wouldn’t make sense. She is a hard 10, I’m just 4, maybe even less. For someone like her to even have the slightest interest in me would be enough to tip the balance in the world and create utter chaos. I brought myself back to the primary issue at hand. I had to decide if I would help my friend or not. It might not be so bad...maybe you’ll enjoy it or it could even get canceled, I thought to myself. I hate public speaking and putting myself out there with a passion. But my friend needed my help and I’m sure she wouldn’t ask me to do it if she didn’t have another choice. As much as I hated this, I finally made a choice. A choice that I know I will regret as soon as I walk out of here.

“Ok! ok ok fine McKayla...I know I shouldn’t do this but you win...I’ll perform the song with your band on Friday.” I begrudgingly mumbled to her already regretting my decision.

McKayla’s eyes widened with happiness and excitement, “REALLY?! OMG that’s awesome! Thank you, thank you, thank you so much beau! You’re a lifesaver! You won’t regret it! Ahhh! I’m so excited...we’re going to make beautiful music together.” I couldn’t help but notice the look of satisfaction on McKayla’s face as she smirked towards Edythe’s direction. Edythe didn’t look like she was paying attention but her hands were rolled up into a tight fist. Huh, maybe she’s in pain or something? I tried to look at her face but nothing indicated she would be in pain, in fact she looked a bit angry. Maybe she forgot her homework? I don’t know.

“Uh yayyy, sure...I definitely can’t wait” I tried to match McKayla’s level of enthusiasm but I obviously failed.

“Ok cool! So it’s a date then! Oh wait no, that’s not what I meant...ummm I meant to say-“

“Alright class please go to your seats and we’ll get started” Mrs. banner said as she wrote something about chromosomes on the board. McKayla quickly ran back to her seat next to some dude with a bowl cut. How did I get myself into this? I mentally groaned. It’s all jeremy’s fault. He heard me singing in the locker room and felt the need to brag to everyone that I could freakin sing like some rock god or something. I could feel my stomach drop as I pictured myself on stage singing. I hope the world swallows me whole. Why did she have to save me from that van? May the angel of death take me, I am ready to die.

Without thinking I turned to my left and met her gaze. Edythe’s golden orbs were like daggers staring into my soul. She seemed angry, upset, maybe even...jealous? My heart started racing as I quickly looked away and tried to focus on mrs. Banner’s lecture. I could still feel her look of anger on me. I groaned and put my head down on my desk. Why was she even mad? She didn’t want to be friends...she didn’t even speak to me. I didn’t do anything to her...I think. She never even gave me an explanation of how she saved me from the van. I decided to steal a quick glance at the angry model next to me and relaxed when her gaze was no longer on me. I quickly remembered my commitment for Friday. How do I get out of this mess? Maybe I should visit Justin Salinger and get mono too. I mentally yelled at myself for accepting McKayla’s offer. All I know is that this Friday is going to be a day I’ll never forget.

[musingmycelium]

sweet song

satinalia exchange gift for a good friend ;) im so glad i got to write this for you!! ❤❤❤

Krem's lucky he has good balance. With the way the chair wobbles under him as he tries, mostly unsuccessfully, to peer around the stairs to watch Maryden sing he needs to have it. And he can’t help but look. The firelight almost causes her skin to glow rosy gold, catches in her dark hair and the way her eyes shine as she sings, it's enough to-

Wood creaks under him as Krem all but topples backward off the top of the chair. Catching himself with a hand in the last moment, wrist aching as his hand connects with the wall at an awkward angle, and he can hear Bull’s laugh across the room. Bastard.

It isn’t like Bull hasn’t made a fool of himself in front of people before. Although Krem guesses those are more on purpose than not. He sighs, rights the chair and sits back down in it, properly this time. He can’t see her anymore, but if he’s telling the truth he doesn’t really need to. The sight of her before the fire is, distracting and definitely something he thinks about often. Not that Krem has done anything about the way her voice filling the tavern makes his chest feel too tight and too light, or said anything about how her smiles can cause a blush to cover his whole body.

Not yet, anyway. Krem has a plan, and he means to follow through with it. He just… Has to figure out how. Time’s running quite short, tonight there’s going to be a small Satinalia party at the Herald’s Rest and Krem still doesn’t know what he should get Maryden, or even if she’d accept anything from him.

At first, he thought it would be easy. She’s a minstrel, get her a journal or a new set of strings for her lute. But those sounded empty and Krem wants to be thoughtful damn it. He wants to see Maryden blush, he wants to make her smile, he wants to see the softness in her eyes generally reserved for those times she’s singing to be directed just at him.

So he sighs. And he walks over to where Bull is sitting at a table with what has to be the Rest’s largest tankard sitting in front of him. And as Krem rounds the corner he finds Dorian is sitting there as well, great. “Krem-puff! Finally decided to find a decent chair did you?”

“My chair is already decent, I’ve got a question.” There’s a nervousness gnawing in the pit of his stomach and Krem doesn’t care for it one bit. But he takes Bull’s raised eyebrow for a go ahead and strangles the butterflies in his gut. “Uh, so. The Satinalia party, tonight.” His tongue is twisting around itself and Krem thinks maybe he should just go outside and pretend he never heard of this party instead of asking Bull for romance advice. “I, uh, wanted to -you know- get a present, a thoughtful present but... I, uh, don’t actually know what to get… Her…”

Raising his own, much smaller glass Dorian gives Krem a verifiable look. One elegant eyebrow raised ever so slightly, glass tipped in Krem's direction, red wine nearly spilling but not quite. “Thoughtful presents generally require more than an afternoon’s work.”

“I didn’t ask you Altus.” Krem gives him a look back.

Bull just nods, as if he was almost expecting this of them and Krem narrows his eyes at him too. “Listen Chief I didn’t come over here for bullshit I w-”

He’s cut off with a laugh, Bull shaking his head slightly. “Nah no bullshit, this is important.” At least he looks like he’s going to be serious, with the way his face scrunches up. “Well, Krem-sickle, the first thing about getting someone a gift is you gotta know what they want. Don’t look at me like that- so you know she likes writing and singing since you watch her do that every day. Do you know, anything else about her?”

Krem opens his mouth to say ‘of course he does’ and then shuts it after he can’t think of a single other thing he knows she enjoys. His brows bunch together and he crinkles his nose. Bull watches him think in silence, a smirk forming on his face. “I know she likes writing and singing, it’s not like there’s much else to do here is there. I thought, maybe she’d like a new journal?” Saying it out loud makes him cringe. It’s so insincere, careless almost. “That sounds stupid, doesn’t it. But I don’t know what else to do.”

Bull keeps nodding and Krem’s stomach is in knots. “She’d appreciate it, new journal new quill, something to use.”

Before he can keep going Dorian interrupts with a snort. “Get her something no one else can.” A delicate sip of his wine, eyes looking over the rim at Krem. “Woo her, you’re a sharp young man surely you can think of something. Read her poetry, pick her flowers, write her something. Creative types drink it up.”

If his knee-jerk reaction is anything to go by this is a horrible idea. Everything from his hair to his toes is going numb at the thought of it. Him? Writing poetry? Picking flowers? Krem almost tells Dorian he’d rather run himself through with a rusty training sword but then he stops to think about it. It was what he wanted to do, wasn’t it? Put thought into a gift Maryden would remember and hopefully enjoy.

And if he makes a fool of himself maybe he could recover from that.

Or maybe he could also fake his death and make a new start in Antiva.

“That’s. Not bad Altus, not bad.” Never let it be said Krem was too proud to give credit where it’s due. Even if it does curdle the words in his mouth. He has a couple of hours, it wouldn’t take him too long to do something like that, would it? Better get started now just in case, Krem leaves the table with a nod in the direction of the other two still sitting there.

The party starts at sundown, Krem heads to his room and hunts down some paper and a quill. If he’s quick he might even be able to get there before the others and give it to her without anyone else seeing. And he’ll be quick, even with his stomach trying to turn itself inside out, Krem can do this!

He absolutely could not do this. Crumpled paper is scattered about his room, in various states of tatter, and a near-empty bottle of ink rests near his elbow. This is hopeless, Maryden does this for a living she wouldn’t want whatever half-assed shitty poem he could cobble together like a child. What an idiot he is, sitting here with ink stains on his hands, he’s a mercenary what in Andraste’s name is he doing trying to write poetry ?

Krem groans, wads up the paper he was currently using and throws it backward behind him, not wanting to look at the ugly chicken scratches and horribly clunky phrasing any longer. Drops his head onto the desk, hard wood against his skin. All he wanted was a simple present! How did he manage to muck it up so badly?

There’s a cool breeze coming from the direction of the door and Krem turns sharply towards it, not wanting anyone to see the mess he’s made. But there isn’t anyone there. Krem huffs, relieved and embarrassed and definitely probably almost late for the party. He stands, stretches, maybe he just shouldn’t get Maryden anything after all. She could do better than him anyway.

A ghost of a thought across his mind, ‘but she wants you’ . Krem rolls his eyes, he’s been daydreaming too much lately. Been thinking about the firelight in Maryden’s hair and on her skin too much. Thinking how the way her eyes sometimes catch his and a smile grows on her lips. He sighs again, he really is in too deep.

Distracted by her enough it takes Krem an embarrassingly long time to notice there is a freshly picked amaryllis, blood red and shining. Narrowing his eyes at the flower he gingerly walks over and picks it up by the stem. He definitely did not pick it, but he can’t think of who would, or why. But he thinks of Maryden in the tavern, of the way she would be readying her lute in front of the fire, and of the party about to start. And he thinks of the smile she would give, just for him, if he gave her a winter-blooming flower.

Leaves with it held in front of him, butterflies returning to his stomach in full force. Walks down to the Herald’s Rest anyways, enters to the sound of laughter and flutes. Not Maryden’s music, too fast and too untrained, Krem looks around to see if he can find her, amaryllis moving behind his back.

Finds her standing just off next to the fire, lute in hand, where she’s in just enough shadow to be overlooked for now. Perfect. Quietly, Krem makes his way across the tavern and with his chest about to burst he tries to clear his throat softly. “Maryden?”

She looks up, eyes wide and dark in the flickering firelight. “Krem? Are you here to make a request, I’m not playing ye-”

“Oh! No, I, um, I’m here to- I mean I came over-” Tripping over himself, making an absolute fool of himself. “I just, sorry let me start over.” Krem takes a deep breath, pulls the amaryllis out from behind him held delicately by ink-stained fingers. “I want to give you this, I had- Um, I tried to write you a poem but, turns out I’m not as good at it as you are.”

Maryden smiles and its better than anything Krem has ever been able to imagine. All at once each of the butterflies in his stomach take flight, leaving him breathless and light. Heart hammering in his chest, a slight blush rising in Maryden’s cheeks. “How sweet of you.”

Her fingers brush against his as she takes the flower from his slack grip. Holds it up to her nose and takes a deep breath, her eyes falling shut only to open a moment later and connect with Krem’s. The warmth in them, brown turned honey-gold by the fire, causes his heart to flip in his chest.

“You know, in Ferelden we have our own Satinalia flowers.” A smile with a hint of teeth, “And if you look up, we happen to be standing under one of my favorites.”

Of course Krem looks up. Spots the sprig of green leaves and white berries tied together with a red bow, one of many hanging from the rafters.

“Mistletoe.” Maryden’s soft fingers against his chest starling and new, Krem jerking his gaze back down to face her. “Do you know what happens when people stand under mistletoe Krem?”

Her fingers against his neck now, curling around the back to pull his head down. Krem gulps, hard. Heart trying to beat its way out of his chest, heat across his whole face. “They kiss.”

Maryden smiles and tilts her head so her lips are ghosting over Krem’s. “That’s right, they kiss.”

Soft lips tasting of cider, of warm firelight and music. Krem gasps, air leaving his lungs in a heady rush. Time freezing, halting around them as Maryden presses her lips against his under the mistletoe with a flower stained with ink held in her hands between them. Heart bursting in his chest, butterflies fleeing to his veins and the whole of him feels like he could fly.

Moments passing too quickly when Maryden pulls back slightly, “Happy Satinalia Krem,” Murmured against kissed lips, half-lidded eyes and a smile brighter than any hearth.

“Happy Satinalia Maryden.”

"When the party is over you absolutely have to read me your poems."

What fool Krem is indeed.

[kjs-s]

The tower of Babel

Pairing  Nyota Uhura x reader

Fandom Star Trek Aos

Summary  A malfunction to the universal translator is keeping Uhura busy all the time.

Prompt “I haven’t slept in ages.”

Word Count: 1121

Warnings: This was inspired by a scene episode 4 of the second season of star trek discovery. It not that important to the plot but I still put a spoiler warning.

minor spoiler for Star Trek Discovery episode 2x4

A/N: This is my first  entry for @resistance-is-futile81 Protagonists writing challenge. I am working on a second one for Star Trek Discovery that I will post next week.

@writing-journeyx   @sprinkleofhappinessuniverse@ohyesmarvel@agentpeggicarter @buckyofthemyscira @romantichen @once-upon-an-imagine @locke-writes@lucetheding @marveliskindacool@captainrogerss   @jurassicbarnes@uncomfortable-writers@theassetseyeliner@sgtbxckybxrnes @thetherianthropydaily@dresupi@caplansteverogers @captainrogerss @dirajunara-archive@imamotherfuckingstar-lord @outside-the-government@thefanficfaerie@admiralamott @yallneedtrek@goingknowherewastaken @girl-next-door-writes @janeykath318 @kaitymccoy123 @musikat18

You tried hard to concentrate on the papers in front of you. You needed silence to be able to do your job and having to work on the bridge was not ideal. However, you had no choice since the equipment in your lab was acting a little crazy lately. That’s why you were staring at the chart in front of you trying to block any other conversation happening around you.

‘’ Are you alright there Lieutenant (Y/LN)? I can still help you with anything you need.’’ Sulu knew how you preferred your workplace to be and you were thankful that you at least were able to work alongside him for the time being.

‘’I’m just a little stuck but I am sure the solution will appear itself like always. Thanks for all the help though boss.’’ You knew how he hated when you called him that, but being your direct superior and one of your best friends made it easier for you to joke around.

‘’Don’t mention it. And don’t worry about your astrometric lab. The ensigns from engineering are working hard to fix everything. You will go back to being the isolated cartographer who barely speaks to the rest of us in no time.’’

‘’I speak to you Hikaru, I just need serenity to help me focus. You know that too much chatter often irritates me even if I don’t address it.’’ He knew you well to understand that. He was happy to have you nearby again that he searched for noise canceling headphones for you.

After a while of trying to find a solution, you decided to take a break and maybe check on the repairs in your lab.

‘’I need some fresh air. I will go for a little walk and be right back.’’ You informed Sulu.

‘’Fine, oh and can you go by my botany to make sure none of my flowers need watering please?’’ He looked as stunned as you were realizing he said that in what sounded like Spanish or Portuguese.

‘’What did you say?’’ You responded in Greek. You looked around and noticed not only everyone being bewildered but also all the monitors being in a variety of languages.

‘’What is happening?’’ Jim asked a little loud to be heard by everyone. It would be a good question if he hadn’t asked it in Gaelic.

‘’I can’t read my console.’’ An ensign pointed out in Klingon. ‘’And what language am I speaking?’’

‘’I can’t understand anything in my controls captain.’’ Another ensign replied in Mandarin. ‘’It must be a problem to the universal translator.’’

Realizing the problem that had occurred you signaled the captain to let him know that you were going to track lieutenant Uhura to help with the situation.

You found her in her room and it was obvious that she was about to take a nap.

‘’Nyota you need to come with me now.’’

‘’Of course, darling but why are you speaking Tagalog?’’ She said while getting ready.

‘’Universal translator has been invaded by a virus and not it’s translating everything into a different language.’’

The two of you ran to the bridge, which was still in complete chaos.

‘’Welcome to the tower of Babel lieutenant. I am so glad you didn’t follow Spock and Scotty on their away mission.’’ Jim was so relieved to see her that his French sounded like a poem.

You smiled as you watched your girlfriend move around the bridge like a dancer and interacting with all the machines. Knowing as many languages as she did was one of the things you admired about her.

She wrote something down and instructed you to track down Jaylah and give her the note. It was telling her to disable the translator hoping the backup one would work and translate everything to Earth English again.

Several hours passed without any progress. Nobody could work on anything without Nyota being there to explain what the consoles where saying. Some people who had learned other languages were able to assist, yet she was the one who did the most.

Late at night, you checked on her worrying that she must have been exhausted. She assured you that she was feeling fine and you let her get back to her job. You knew that pushing her to stop wouldn’t lead to anything good.

Almost at noon the next day, she was still assisting everyone all around the ship. You asked her to stop helping one of the crew members on the bridge for a moment so you can talk.

‘’You need a break. I understand that you are essential to all of us right now but not if you collapse. Jim, back me up here will you, please?’’ You wrote down a note saying ‘’tell her to sleep’’ on it.

‘’I tried to get her to go to sleep then again she won’t hear me. I had a hope you will get some sense into her. I don’t want McCoy to have to chase her through the ship. He does that with me.’’ He said all those towards you in Italian knowing Nyota would know that he had said.

‘’I hear you, captain. However, even though I haven’t slept in ages...’’She rolled her eyes saying that, thinking about how you were overreacting about the fact she didn’t sleep all night. ‘’I need to help everyone.’’ She spoke in English surprising everyone.

‘’Is it fixed? Is it finally over? Can you understand me?’’ Jim looked around to see the relieved faces on everyone around him. Jaylah informed everyone over the comm that she had fixed the translator.

‘’Seems like that. And you know what that means. You will so to see Christine in the med bay so she can check on you and then it’s off to bed. I will come by at noon to see how you are.’’

When you went by her room before lunch, she was still sleeping so you ended up spending your afternoon together. It didn’t strike you as odd that Sulu let you have the afternoon off. Perhaps he was afraid you would worry about Nyota being ok and complain about not being with her. You had a great time and anyone who saw you was grateful for her help during the crisis. You were happy to see everyone treating her with the adoration and respect she deserves. Both her and Jaylah who was reserving the same amount of praise for fixing the issue. In addition, while Nyota was singing a song for you, there was an announcement from the captain informing you of an upcoming shore leave after the away team returns. He was planning to throw a party for the two heroes on the ship.

[angocanhha]

alright alright

i can’t get away from tumblr and tbh i don’t think i should

i guess it’s healthy to journal especially when i’m not sure when my next therapy session will be. i’m having thoughts of eating. i guess i feel empty and down and i know that eating will make me feel happy and whole. but i won’t be -- happy and whole, at least not from eating.

so i’m writing, maybe i should write down the honest thoughts i think but scare me so i don’t write them often, if ever.

like how can i be empty? i’m awesome. aren’t i?

missing q doesn’t hurt as much anymore because i’ve decided not to want, not to desire his attention and affection. so during our ft call earlier (which i was surprised he called, but im sure after yesterday’s teary stand off, he felt more compelled to check in) it felt more clear and calm. i wasn’t frantic, a part of me wanted to end the call early, to leave him wanting and not to have to face the moment when he would leave earlier than i wanted him to. but i didn’t. i stayed and was ok when he left. i just sat, looking at him, thinking, can he really b the partner that would make me happy. i guess logically no one can make me happy in that way, if i’m not already making myself happy first. and that’s the conclusion i always come to, unless the partner has red flags, if the partner is decent, relationships just take work. but this relationship is testing my theory.

so why do i feel empty. why do i run to food and to people. why does sex at night manage the pain of discontent. why does the moon keep me in awe and fear.

i am a wonderful being but i am flawed, i am vulnerable and that’s ok. i’m learning from this retreat and feel so healed. like desire causes suffering, but does that mean i shouldn’t want to win best actress at the naacp awards? smile. smirk. journaling this out is already making me feel better, but those snacks are calling to me. whether from habit or just the band-aid solution to my emotions, it is tempting.

i worry about u, i wonder if you’re thinking of me and sad that you’re not talking to me. but i remember, u existed before we started talking and u will exist when we stop talking. everything will be ok. this time apart is good for me. it allows me to be alone with my discomfort, like a crying child, i need to figure out what my mind needs are so i can learn how to cope, as opposed to a temporary fix that permits me to avoid the problem.

i am so good at denial. even now i think, i don’t have a problem, what problem? and it’s only when my ‘un-productivity’ and weight gain are staring me in the face saying, ‘really? u don’t have a problem...? then why don’t u feel good about yourself? what’s that about,’ that i’m taking a moment to analyze. as fearful as i am that this cloud won’t pass, that i’ll be stuck in this mental state forever because i don’t see a way out, do i keep chugging along this filmmaking path making dismal progress? or do i switch direction and chug in something more comfortable and acceptable when the thought of that doesn’t thrill me either? i keep going back and forth. but i need to break out of that thinking, i need to breathe and keep breathing. i think my breath will lead me out of this dark tunnel where i can’t see. a little bit of faith is required on my part. just breathe and keep breathing, everything will be ok. and keep doing this retreat.

i’m going to be ok being alone. the last time i was without a partner for more than two months was when i first moved to southern california in 2017 and this is even longer. but this time i’m not completely alone, i still have a partner although he is physically so far away. it’s not only the distance that separates us, but 1) my inability to be in vietnam, 2) coronavirus threatening the health of traveling. what a double whammy in addition to me being dissatisfied with how he copes with depression. smoking and screentime, and drugs to some extent. i read about harm reduction the other day, that unhealthy consumption is better than trying to go without and resulting to worse alternatives. i ask myself, do i really want to deal with this? maybe i’ll just be single for the rest of my life and if i want to have a baby, i’ll do it on my own, like really. maybe i’ll just be a buddhist nun. but i can’t choose that path because i’m running away from the hardships of life i guess.

what are you going to think when u read this. what if u don’t like me anymore but another question that’s been circulating on tik tok is, don’t worry if ppl don’t like ‘u,’ ask if ‘u’ like them. so, do i like u? can i b honest? should i be honest? scathing? -- you’re married, end of story, nice and simple, period (as the young kids nowadays say.) and this is a way to not answer the question bc i don’t have to, bc you’re married and i’m married.

therapist says open relationships don’t fix the relationship. yes, this is wise.

so this night has turned into me being alone and honest with my thoughts. i can see myself getting attached to this magical moment. it would be nice to turn these periods of time from suffering to pleasure, how tantalizing that sounds.

now i don’t want to go to sleep. i want to mine more feelings and thoughts, and hold them in the lines of this text, wrap them up in my arms so we can get nice and comfy. my mind went straight to snacks at the thought of staying up though.

how shall i wrap this up. look at me giving myself writing prompts. i’m tempted to write u a love poem but this retreat says i should refrain from consuming things that would make me sad or excited. so i guess it will have to wait for monday when i talk to you again, that is if that poem is still lingering in my mind. what shall i do with you, wut are you going to do w me? i’m veering.

good night chi. see u later

queued feb 25 10:32P

[yespoetry]

An Interview with Joshua Byron & Chariot Birthday Wish on Queerness and Art

By Joshua Byron & Chariot Birthday Wish

Editor’s Note: grammar and punctuation aesthetic have been largely preserved for authenticity and tone.

Joshua: We are chatting and checking in with each other on the 4th of July, a honeysuckled day of nostalgia, dogmatism, and fear. I recently began releasing a webseries Trans Monogamist with Alfredo Franco and Artless Media and Chariot Birthday Wish recently released his new book of poetry, hot pearl. 

J: How is the weather in Philadelphia- if that's where you are now; it's so hot here in New York. I was invited to a million things but part of me just wants to try and drink some iced coffee and lay down and watch a Derek Jarman movie or something. Perform that kind of tired queerness. 

I wanted to talk about your poetry, and your latest work, and also how your work maybe functions as haiku. I was reading Barthes on haiku recently who idolized haiku as a sort of perfect form. The perfect image, something that collapses time inward. And that makes me think of your work- a collapsed inward image. But also like, fun and bubbly. Effervescent. 

C: It’s hot in, sticky in philadelphia, i am currently home now. were in the humid thunderstorm loop here but i dont think a storm is going to break for another few days. im going to go smoke weed on mikayla’s roof later today, other then that i've been playing katamari and drinking ice water while drawing all day.

people mention haiku to me a lot, because i write small, few word poems, with a focus on natural imagery. I honestly don’t read much haiku, and wouldn’t site it as a direct source of inspiration, or say that ive studied the form. i do think my work resonates with a similar drive and spirit of haiku though, and i hold a dear reverence for the form.

i love that quote “the perfect image” and “something that collapses time inward” my intent of form for writing poems is absolutely trying to expand a space, a moment, an emotion, memory, as wide and deep as possible with as few words as i possibly can. i really focus a lot on creating complete and whole worlds inside my poems, but its subtle because they are such small poems. my work has a lot of play in it, i think my tone of voice always has an air of play to it. 

J: I think for me I think of the succinctness of your work, more so than scale. Sometimes your work even if it isn't about apocalypse, feels very tied to that, the event, the feeling, the fear, the expression of it and often I think your work has mechanical feelings in it, these references to the Matrix or like using human concepts in regards to natural things. I think a lot of some of your work that lists desires and those desires bend to human concepts, not natural ones. 

I think that the bubbling of your work feels like it could go on forever, like how do you decide to end a poem or even a collection? In hot pearl or hell ship or i love you, here's a gigantic worm? 

C: yes ! i think most of my work, comes from a place of constant consideration of apocalypse. And consideration of technology ! ive always been really inspired by and into sci-fi, cyberpunk ie: the matrix.  i love to reference technology for sure. interweaving technology into nature and natural images, one function of that for me is about desire. desire for connection, for access. i think about texting my friends from the middle of the woods, and the simultaneous understanding of the link to earth + self, emotionally and also physically! But I also do think that technology and mechanics are a part of nature, and “the natural world.”

humans are a part of nature and we created these things. there’s this Bjork quote where she says that “You can use pro tools and still be pagan”. I’m really into the idea of using technology as tools of divination and holy connection with nature. I imagine a scene; being in moss, it’s absolute bliss, and then the connection of texting, sharing an image of moss with a friend, sharing that moment through cellular towers, and then that sneaking sense of apocalypse like earth Is going to melt.

and knowing that those moments of sharing and experiencing the absolute magic and heavenly nature of is not going to be possible anymore because humans are melting earth. I’m trying to hold all of these goods things weighted with that, the frantic fear of losing something so special. Its very cyberpunk to me. and then yeah !!!! its driven by desire!  if i think of it now, a have a lot of poems that say “i want”i want so much... 

with books, I usually decide on a number of pages first its very straight forward. im like okay this book is going to be 20 pages or 100 pages. with poems, if i read it and i have my emotions and vision echoed back to me, then its done ! I try to make myself cry, and I am always trying to write what I think is the perfect poem. i do try to spend a collective hour editing each poem, but usually i just know when its done. Not to be obtuse. 

J: How do you think desire plays a role in the work that you do? 

Your work has such striking images - things I think are (I hate this word) but striking and original. I'm thinking of even the word "hell ship" for instance or "hot pearl," the fag poem, "superintendent of the golf course," "my flowering boyhouse," and the specificity of the "i want.”

The images feel free from societal cliches and expectations, like a weaving of a fantasy world. I don't know if I have a question, I mostly just wanted to say that. It seems just very sprung from your mind, very specific. It's not that there aren't poetic traditions that predate or intertwine with yours, but I think in some ways it feels very Greek (Sappho, perhaps?) in its directness, in its wink, in its boldness.

I also wanted to hear you speak on the fag poem, it feels so essential and tears me apart. 

C: i love to meditate on the feeling of desire, and feel desire. i also think that the reason i make art comes from a similar part in my emotional body as my desire. its an expression of that desire, as well as a manifestation of desire, i really long to create art and i love to make art about desire. its such a full and intricate emotion.

Recently I read a definition of “eros” as the opposite of “death wish” the antithesis of the call of the void, that eros is an absolute will to live and desire to experience. That’s the well of desire I channel my creativity through. which i think relates a lot to your mention of sappho. i read a lot of sappho, her voice and her form (specifically too how we just have fragments of her poems, and what that does to the form of her work) has something that i draw a lot of inspiration from. absolutely the way she, and other translations of greek text (ive been reading the iliad for 2 years).  

i do also 100% imagine all of my poetry to take place in a specific and complete realm, in a fantasy world. that idea, of creating a whole separate place, lexicon, and memeplex was one of my first visions and drives as a poet.

the fag poem: i also started it with wanting to write "a fag anthem" which is not usually how i write poems, with a specific thesis for the poem. its an ode to faggots, a faggot declaration, but one from a place of reclamation driven by pain. 

J: How do phones play a role in your life or your poetry? Your poems do include references to downloading pics of horses, or texting in the woods, or just texting or staring even. but i also wonder about the idea of writing on phones and what that means poetically and structurally. 

What is your relationship to social media and Instagram? it mystifies me! you have a following and i wonder how that feels and how that is tied up in art-making, glo worm, distribution, and if it matters to you or if you have any feelings of community or fracture over how the internet works? In regards to the above, what are your thoughts on looks, or pulling looks? The politics, the aesthetics, the joys of looks? Are you pro look? Anti-look? 

C: its a little trick of mine to add a reference to a phone in a poem. i think that phones are so intimate. i have an intimate relationship to my phone, and theyre magically little devices. i try to capture that magic when referencing "downloading pictures of horses" or looking at pictures of birds on your phone. thats also tied to apocalypse though, sometimes im writing from a space of thinking about animal extinction, when certain animals are gone and but we still have access to photos of them on the archive of the internet. our phones being a connection to that archive. 

i love social media. i love connection ! im def in the camp of holding closer to the positives of social media, outside of my paranoia about facebook and the surveillance state and like, influencers, etc. i just want to share my art with people and reach people. it feels good to be connected with people who like my art and to be an artist. i can unpack that for hours though.

There are times when being seen, and watched by a following is overwhelming. I think there can be a tendency for people to view you just as the single dimension of what they see online. I def have an online persona, and have built an image, altho thats also complicated and confusing because that image and persona is not a lie, just a crystallization of parts of myself. but I don’t really concern myself too much with that anymore. People can see me how they want. I am highly protective of parts of myself and my life 

i love looks. i got into art as a kid because i wanted to be a fashion designer. as a transsexual gay faggot virgo born the week of beauty, aesthetics are very important to me ! in that, the play and fantasy of looks are important to me. i do believe that aesthetics are empty. especially in this year of 2019. and i think holding that in mind can create buoyancy for the play of looks, of pulling a look. its about fantasy and expression. i also find power in it. recently to combat my social anxiety, ill wear elf ears to non-costume events, as it subverts my paranoia of being stared at for being a fag freak. i like giving people a reason to stare at me, a fag freak. 

J: Tell me about your influences. Who gives you visions? Tell me about the knife? tell me about Keanu Reeves, the Matrix, and your celebrity icons?

C: Techno music gives me visions, the ocean gives me visions, the forest, the planets give me visions. Bjork gives me visions, Bruce Springsteen, Gregg Araki, Wong Kar Wei, Anohni, Greek mythology, Faggots and their Friends Between Revolutions, Kazuko Shiraishi, the color red, the color blue, Cocteau Twins, dream pop, pop music, Brokeback Mountain.

to me, the knife, is a perfect vision of pop +freakdom + communism + mysticism. Its apocalyptic gay communist dance music, deeply mystic lyrics. it's everything I search for in art in one project, I cannot believe the knife.

the Matrix, simply to me, is about following your destiny. to me it's about actualizing the godly calling, your godly calling, your vision for yourself. it's so virgo, bringing together the celestial and the earth. 

Keanu is just so beautiful; i think it's a trans guy thing. me and him have very similar birth charts. i love my playful relationship with celebrity icons. i feel tepid to "stan" people and celebrities. Icons are false, kill your idols, blah blah blah. but its a gay thing also to have icons, and its a part of that fantasy. 

J: Talk more about elf ears and giving people a reason to look at you?

C: id just rather give people something truly freaky to look out, rather than just the spectacle of my visibly trans body. its a transsexual thing for me for sure, or like informed by my medicalized trans body, modifying my body, fantasy cyborg, morphing my tool (my body)!

J: Are there any other body mods that really seem exciting? 

Did you have a spiritual upbringing or have any spiritual practices now?

What does healing the earth look like to you?

What does healing self and community look like to you?

C: i love getting pierced recently..also obviously tattoos, as a tattoo artist and someone who gets tattoos. if they knew how to dick surgery good i would do that. maybe someday theyll get it. im getting top surgery this year.

i was loosely raised catholic. i do candle magic and ritualistic intention setting.

full ! communist ! revolution now ! fully paid reparations ! returning stolen land back to its people ! and high tech cleaning of the oceans, permaculture, rebuilding of the rainforests. returning Nikola Tesla’s ideas and designs back to the people. 

community looks like responsibility. I’ve been thinking recently about how self healing happens with community healing, and when you put your time and heart into community, it heals your heart. I think we’re deep in a culture of individualistic healing, and it’s alienating. Workers of the world unite.

Chariot: what is your relationship to fantasy ? idle cosmopolitan, your first mini series, is full of ghosts, tarot readings, an alternate world. it felt like it was brushing against a suggestion of magic, also the way time + space is expressed in the series, it has a morphing quality. trans monogamist doesn't really carry those themes through, besides the astral projection class ( a little hint at the magic”  is there still fantasy in this second work ? 

J:  I think for me I don't see Idle Cosmopolitan as that fantastical; how hard is it to believe a world with spirits of some kind? Even if they aren't expressed the way they are expressed in fantasy novels or TV. The everydayness of magic. For me, fantasy is similar to queerness in that it means possibility. Hope. Optimism through pain. Most fantasy is born through quests and pain, the classic Arthurian tale.

I think for me, that's the root of it. I read so much fantasy when I was kid. I was obsessed with Arthurian lore, castles, Pokemon, Digimon, the Green Knight, all of it. I think that Trans Monogamist is fantastical in some ways, I've heard Broad City described as a fantastical NYC, as has SATC and almost any show about people in NYC. So in that sense, yeah. Where every corner has people to date. And of course, while I do exist as a NB Carrie Bradshaw in real life, that concept is a sort of fantasy of its own. 

C: What’s your relationship to technology and that aspect of film-making? 

J: Technology worries me. I read Carceral Capitalism last summer and felt worried, as always, by the rise of surveillance and predictive policing. I think I understand why some people chose paths of craft over content, but I also don't think it's always a strict binary.

But to be fair, at a certain point you can often only know so much about one or the other. You can focus on learning more and more about craft and technology and lenses or you can focus on plot, characters, drama... Or you can do both! I just don't know that many people who end up able to do both. It's a lot of effort and time and money just to do that learning. I do think there are cracks for the light in technology to come forth. It's how we met! But I find myself often pessimistic about it. But I don't want to come across as a technology grump either. I can be modern occasionally. 

C: do you think you are expressing a part your self through the main characters of your work? you act as both of them, i wonder what your relationship to self portrait is? if the self insert is significant or, how is that self insert significant to you? is it that no one else could properly portrays these characters?

J: I definitely think of my work as self-portraiture. I think part of it just that I'm making work about things that I go through, I'm making work DIY, and it can be easier (and harder) to self direct. It's also, of course, cheaper, than trying to find someone else and guide them to a place you feel deeply. I think for a while I felt uncomfortable about appearing in my own work but now I"m pretty numb to it. It just sort of feels like the kind of work that I'm making now. I think it felt required. If we're thinking of the path, we're thinking of flow, it just felt like the next step in making art.

Also, for me, it's important to make work specific and not too broad. I want to talk about what my queerness, what my life is like, and I don't want to speak for someone else at all.  

C: what is your process like for writing, and editing your video work? you're a workaholic right? can you talk about that process ? your relationship to that?

J: I am such a workaholic. I mean we are doing writing work on the 4th of July!! I have three projects in different stages right now. Video work is usually much more collaborative. There's a free fall element to not having all the control. It's scary and it's also how I push myself to not be a total control freak and to push myself to be a better artist. I do believe in community and collaboration I just also have an intense drive to sort of speed through things and make and create and there's certainly an element of capitalism that has infused me with needing to DO things. It's not my best quality!

But it also is a strength. I like to create! And sometimes that urge is so strong that sometimes I do need to do things alone. I think it's important to balance collaborative work with solo work, you need outlets! So sometimes I write alone, sometimes I don't. My video work often involves at least 16 people in the cast. And Trans Monogamist was all about co writing and co starring with Alfredo Franco and having Artless Media being such a big guiding and production force. 

C: What’s your relationship to tropes and pop? 

J: I think I love tropes, astrology, SATC quizzes, all of those kinds of things. I think the boxes we fit in or don't fit in both do and don't speak about our personhood. Sometimes we put too much stock into them, sometimes too little.

Queer tropes of course are such a fundamental part of online queer culture and also can be so toxic but also very healing! I think the way queer culture fractures and floats online definitely influences my work, but I try to engage playfully. There are things in queer online culture I feel serious about- in terms of supporting funds that support black trans woman or fundraisers for surgeries. But in terms of other queer iconographies and categories I try to just absorb and play. I think little of my online presence has to do with replicating those memes or ideas.

If anything it's about crafting my own identity that picks apart at random things like Carrie, an occasional look. Trans Monogamist definitely skates around and jokes a lot about types of gays while also recognizing that RIver is their own type of gay and while River jokes about hating gay graphic designers or art gays, River is an art gay. It's just that claiming identity feels scary to River, so they sort of dash over or around it and try and just be a person. Someone described TM as a show that tries hard to categorize people.

I don't know how I fit. I'm an art gay I guess. Nonbinary sometimes seems to be ascribed its own internet aesthetic but I don't know how i fit in that or don't. If anything I think there are certain binaries of queerness that I do identify on.

C: What trope am I?

J: You're definitely an alt-art gay as well, but on a different side of things? There's def a type of gay that does tattoos, is trans, loves communism, and cowboy imagery. 

C: right, what you said also got me thinking about tropes as language, theyre identifying words, and that shapes our understandings of ourselves and our experiences. and there is so much play i think, in queer culture between collective experience and personal experience. 

J: I think I worry a bit about the ways we seem to gravitate towards locks and keys as ways of conceptualizing identity. And yet, I do that! So who am I to say that? I think it's best to let everyone feel their identity the way they feel it, even if that's not how I feel it. Right? What does that hurt/what does it heal? It certainly heals someone else and probably doesn't hurt me, excluding hatred, of course. Plus, sometimes someone's experience or a collective's experience help us- we say that's me! or that's definitely not me! 

C: can you say more about territory? how does pop, or mass culture, bring us into territory? 

J: What's the difference between populist and popular? Is there one? Can something that's populist be destructive, can it be healing? Is liking what the people like somehow revolutionary or is it bad? Are we as a people healing bending towards justice or not? It's a tricky counter situation. Plenty of things we probably think are good are considered bad, and vice versa. so sometimes seems revolutionary and sometimes doesn't.

But it does remind me of the way Bergman is against symbolism-reading in his work, Susan Sontag's against interpretation, Patti Smith's writing about not trying to read a message into literature. I'm not sure i wholly agree, but the idea of the sign as uninterpretable or as a mirror is interesting. Of course these are also mostly people with a romantic idea of art and plenty of people believe in interpreting art and for good reason. Works can be about race, class, gender, etc., and also have images that can't be broken down. It can be both.

Joshua Byron is a nonbinary storyteller based in Brooklyn. Their work includes the webseries Trans Monogamist co-created with Alfredo Franco and Artless Media, Idle Cosmopolitan with Glo Worm Press, as well as the zine Sincere Hate. Previously they have written dating columns and lyrical essays for Bushwick Daily, the Body Is Not An Apology, Yes Poetry, and more. Their films have been screened at Sarah Lawrence College, the Indianapolis LGBT Film Festival, Secret Project Robot, and more. They love Ursula K LeGuin, rose soap, and lots of coffee.

chariot wish is an artist and angel living in philadelphia. theyve seen the matrix 28 times in 2 years and love horses.