#and im sorry but like it feeeels sooo good to be into something that lasts

[bienmoreau]

The Dork Reads The Lightning-Struck Heart: chapters 13-18

@lio-zehel​ & @glitterghost​

(13)

Does Gary have such an obsession with wanking because he can’t?

Aayyy Ryan has a Darcy MomentTM

Hi my names Sam and I NEVER FUKING LEARNT HOW TO FILTER MY FUKING SPEACH.

“That was erotic.. ENLIGHTENING!”

Whispers “I’m a foxy lady” LMAO

Fukin lmao. Ryan fukin fell into the river ‘cause of the innuendo Gary set up for sam. They both idiots. When can we have them being idiots together

Ohh this back story is written so nicely. Sams narrative voice is such a mess. But TJs writing is really nice when he wants it to be.

“Who knew the forest was infested with twinks”

“No tiggy, no smashing, we don’t smash little twinks. We let them grow up so they can provide a valuable service by having sex with men.”

“Honey-bear you are the gayest thing I’ve seen since I last saw my own reflection”

OMG! OMG! OMG! Ryan = Nox! That’s hilarious and fantastic and I love it! I thought it might be something like this when he mentioned being from the slums. But OMG! I love it.

Aww time for all the honesty (well most likely not ALL the honesty but some! And it’s good stuff.)

Look at these boys from humble gutter origins working hard and striving for better and becoming the best versions of themselves.

What a great duo.

“Name one thing I have ever done to you- wait don’t answer that I just thought of 40”

xD xD xD poor poor Ryan.  Sam has so many extremely sexually active acquaintances

Yes Sammy! Lay down those rules.

“Thank you for having me to you whore house. I mean your home. Eh, Where people pay to have sex”

“Is he broken”

“Please let it be known that from this day forward my working title for the business is ‘Queen of the Fuck Palace’”

“I like him”

“What? Why? You don’t like anyone”

“I’m standing right here.”

“Still standing right here. And I don’t know what proletariats are but I feel like someone is insulting me, somehow”

“Feeeeling a little objectified now.”

Lmao poor Ryan. He is so very very out of his depth.

DAMN! What!? What kinda backstory teaser drop was that!?

“You’re being interviewed for a job” LMAO. oh ryan. You fool.

DAAAMMNN RYAN! DAAAMMNN!  LOVE IT 😂😆

And now Sams the idiot again.

(Like he ever stopped)

“Won’t his one true love know when he breaks the engagement?”

“Are you really that stupid”

“Why does everyone keep asking me that!?”

“Ryan would you care to-“

“Nope. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

PHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

“You’re fired. Pack up your shit and get out”

“YOU CANT FIRE HIM! HES THE BEST WHORE YOU’VE-wait”

I feel like half the time the way sam says ‘no’ is like John Mulaney’s “NOOoooooO!”

Awww Ryan’s so bitter abt how much Sam likes Todd’s ears.

“Everyone has ears”

Also Sams an idiot and just completely missed a very relevant conversation

Ryan is so jealous of the almost fairy wedding

I love that Ryan knows to ground Sam without even knowing what he is to him.

Baby wizard xD

“And by lookers i mean, you looked at them and said ‘eh, why not’”

xD xD

Omfg Sam. Why. Why did you just strip in front of your crush because a damn unicorn taunted you.

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat” 👀👀👀

Ooooh my goood! Ryan is talking very clearly abt the fan club shipping him and Sam and is just STARING AT SAM the whole time and sam is mass and an idiot and he’s totally making a massive fool of himself and YET! Ryan is totally still completely smitten.

Oh good! A bard.

Omfg. The guy doing live pre-show advertising 😂😂😂

“Yaaaaaay rystin!” “whooo rystin”

Cheesy dicks and candle sticks.

What. What?  What???

Why?

Omfg

“If I was a unicorn glitter would be pouring off me right now”

Back at it again with the 5 star one-liners!

Also yay for the lil pep talk (interspersed with the logistics of an 12-way)

Things I’ve actually literally been called by real people i know before and have now just read as describing Sam and so don’t know how to feel abt that: “you’re a conundrum wrapped in an enigma” (thanks dude on my course at uni)

“Okay?”

“Fine! Uugghh sorry”

“It’s okay. Who do I need to kill?”

(Gotta get me a freak like that!)

“YOU LIE WITH ALL YOUR LIES”

“Can we please talk about ‘knight delicious face’. what the hell does that mean?” Bruh im thinking you could probably work that one out yourself. they have not been being subtle 

“Sounds weak. I bet I could take him in a fight. Probably doesn’t even work out or anything. I work out. A lot”

Ryan. Dude. Chill.

“How is this your life?”

Ryan out here asking Sam the eternal question.

“It’s not little”

“I’ve seen bigger”

“That’s not what you were saying when it was poking you in the middle of your date. You know, with Todd. Who has ears.”

CHILL IT WITH THE EARS THING ALREADY RYAN. my gods!

Also like lmao @ this whole extended innuendo abt Ryan’s sword.. and the dark wizards reactions.

ALSO HOLY SHIT LMAO THEY HAVE A VERSION OF FRIENDS!! And liken them to ‘Russ’ and ‘Rochelle’

“Ooh You mean Companions? I love that story. It’s always will they or won’t they.  I just want to push their faces together and scream at them to kiss”

“I just don’t like chewing in the morning”

Oh hey. Lightning.

“Sooo. That was a thing that happened.”