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stagemanagerssaygo · 4 years ago

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Heaven and Hell: or my experience being a person of color in Disney’s Hyperion Theater

by Cooper Howell

Heaven and Hell: or my experience being a person of color in Disney's Hyperion Theater. #holdingtheateraccountable Im just gonna go ahead and be straight up. This is pretty scary to share. HEAVEN: Once upon a time Liesl Tommy cast me as Prince Hans in Frozen: Live at the Hyperion. And I was gooped. GOOPED. There was nothing in my prior history that gave any indication this was possible. Up until then every role I played had to do with my race. Every. Single. One. And even ones where it didn’t (Shakespeare or classical pieces mostly) I was always made aware that the novelty of me being a poc in that role that gave me the part. So much did I not expect to get this part that when I got the callback I rolled my eyes and didn’t take the actual callback seriously. I mean, there was a zero percent chance that Disney would ever let me play a Prince, especially when the dude in the movie is a ginger. But then I got it. And immediately everything I thought was possible about my career changed. My whole life I’ve never inwardly felt black. I’ve never inwardly felt white. I’ve always felt like I was Cooper, you know, on the inside. But whether it was every single white human in Utah reminding me that I was “the whitest person they ever knew/saw” (which DIDNT mean how white my skin was. It was how white I ACTED) or Mr. Johnson, my 7th grade drama teacher, telling me that he “wanted to put Velcro on the ceiling to see if I’d stick” or Mr. Smith, my high school drama teacher, saying “finally we can do black shows” as soon as I entered high school and then not casting me in roles because of the "optics" of it, or even my best friend in high school Tanner Harmon who called me "blackie", I was always reminded that I was an other. So imagine getting paid good money to put on that $10,000 costume and waltzing out to 4000 people a day to play a really amazing part. A fantastic, evil, complicated, person who sings a killer duet and then grabs the show by the throat with a vicious about-face monologue... and not once was my race ever mentioned cuz it didnt matter. What was being prized was Cooper, my talent, not my skin color that I never asked for. Heaven. Liesl MADE SURE, almost overly sure, that the poc’s in the cast felt equal. The kingdom of Arendelle, after all, is a make believe place. It can be whatever. From having Disney executives come and tell us that they were happy to have us there, to side conversations with John Lasseter, we were made to feel overly welcome playing the parts we were playing. She encouraged us to dive deeper into the script of a cartoon that I didnt really think much of until I was in it. We were encouraged to ask why. We felt seen as talent and not commodities. There were, of course, detractors. Gosh, I remember people at a party of cast members from "Mickey and the Magical Map" another show at Disneyland which features a princess and the frog number and many of those casts mates angrily claiming that “if that black girl Tiana Okoye can play Elsa than I should be able to play Princess Tiana” and then looking at me to confirm that was okay to say, not realizing that a) she’s one of my best friends, b) that I’m in the show with her also playing a role that wasn't created to be a poc, c) how racist that sounded, and d) why there's a difference there and why that wouldn't make sense. On Liesls final night I came up to her and said “I don’t know why you did it but thank you so much for casting ME in this part” to which she replied “you mean why would I cast a handsome, talented person in this role?” And I stuttered something like “well, I mean, I’m black. You know...” to which she tilted her head to her side and said “no. I don’t know why. Tell me why that matters.” And I had no answer. Seeing that I had no answer she smiled. That was the answer. There was no reason. On the spot my outlook about myself changed. Windows into what I thought was possible for me opened. -------------------------------------- HELL: And then Liesl went back to NYC and she was replaced by a man named Roger Castellano as show director. Rogers task, he told us on the first day, was to "change the show". We were not told what needed to be changed or even why, but that changes were on the horizon. You've got to understand: to a full cast of actors who had just spent more than three months dissecting a 60 page Disney script with a Tony nominated director like it was Shakespeare, we were initially emotionally/mentally/spiritually resistant to changes. But then it became clear that the spirit of collaboration was over, and the show changes were to be given without the same care, consideration, and thematic explanation of why they were being made. Everyones initial reaction was to push back, but when people who questioned their notes or their changes started getting days removed their schedule or being replaced entirely by a new actor, the Hyperion theater became a place where no one was allowed to speak out. Injustices were happening left and right and no one felt they could do anything for fear of losing their livelihood. And that's when the Frozen: Live at the Hyperion became a living hell. In my first note session with Roger he pulled me into a room with Domonique Paton, my best friend and incredible costar who played princess Anna in the show I was in. She just so happens to also be black. Almost all of Prince Hans’s scenes in the show are with her character and so most of my notes would be primarily based on those interactions with her. Earlier in the day I performed with a different (white) actress but it was the show with Domonique that I had a note session about. Imagine my surprise and dismay when, with how Liesl set up the show experience, we were told this: “WHEN THE TWO OF YOU PERFORM THE SHOW TOGETHER ITS TOO… URBAN.” Urban. What else could that have meant, do you think? He could have said maybe “too contemporary” emphasizing that we were maybe too modern in our speech patterns or movements. We weren’t. He could have said “too lax” or “too loose” meaning that maybe we were being unprofessional and goofy up there because we’re really good friends. We were not. The best me and Ms. Paton could think of was a 8 count moment of improv dance that me and Domonique decided to use as a synchronized moment of unity. It happened to fall on the line “our mental synchronization can have but one explanation” and thought, with the freedom that Christopher (the original choreographer) had given us, was appropriate, especially considering everyone behind us was doing the robot. As in the 80s robot. But he didnt clarify. He just said “WHEN THE TWO OF YOU PERFORM THE SHOW TOGETHER IT’S TOO… URBAN” And when asked what he meant he smiled with a little shrug and said "you can figure that out. You're smart." And thats how I became Black Hans and Domonique became Black Anna. My every moment onstage afterwards became about the optics of being a poc in that show. It was if I was suddenly made aware that I was LUCKY enough to be there and under any normal circumstances, or this new directors circumstances, me getting this part would have never happened. But the message was clear. It was especially clear when me and Domonique Paton shows together durastically decreased and made even more clear when the vast majority of the new hires were not people of color. But no one said anything. And made even MORE clear when, over the next few weeks, both Domonique and I got COPIOUS notes, ten times that of our coworkers that played the same parts. It was almost a game. In fact we did turn it into a game, seeing who would get the least amount of notes from him in a day. Our costars would even joke about it onstage with us, during the ballroom scene, and jokingly whisper "The shows been up 15 minutes. How many do you think you got today?" But no one said anything. And the notes were about all kinds of things. How we held our hand. If our inflections went up or down on a word. Which side of a couch we leaned on… which was fine! When you're an actor, thats the gig... until we started comparing our notes with the actors that played our same parts and none of them, NONE, would get the same notes. Our notes would be outrageously longer, the note sessions sometimes lasting 10/15 minutes. Others would get the “Oh hey, try doing this or that next time, okay bye” walk-by notes. Sometimes I would sneak into the audience and watch as some of the other Han's, some of whom changed lines, changed entire intentions of scenes, some of whom adding in all types of vocalizations and cackles and dance moves and what have you, and would receive ZERO notes. But I was watching them to see what was wrong with me. What was my performance missing? What am I actually doing to feel this singled out. And then I realized that the thing that was wrong with me was that I was a different color than the 5 other white Hans's they cast. And then I started getting notes about my penis. Most of the time these “penis sessions”, as I called them, were given in private rooms without another stage manager present. It was incredibly unpleasant and unprofessional. In fairness, those Prince Hans pants are TIGHT! And yes, Mr. Howell is indeed a party in the front and a party in the back, but so were a lot of those fellas. And thats where I put my foot down. If Disney was going to provide me with a costume it is not my responsibility to fix their problem, especially when other of my (white) costars had been given a dance belt for the same thing. But they never got penis notes. Private session notes about what their penis looked like in that show. Over and over again I was told to fix it, to not make it (my dick) so apparent, and that “if my daughter were younger I wouldn’t want her to come to a show you were performing at" all the more insulting considering his daughter, a cast member in the show, was a friend of mine and the loveliest person. He started demanding that I buy a dance belt. It was “my fault”, “my responsibility” …and thats where I took my stand. And then it really became hell. Penis sessions were now done out in the open. Once, he screamed at me, in the green room in front of all of my costars during lunch, about how incredible unprofessional I was, about how he was tired of seeing my dick, and that if I didnt go buy myself one I didnt deserve to be there anymore. Followed by a huge litany of notes. That doesnt compare to some of what Domonique went through and I invite her to share them if she’s willing. During this time I went to every stage manager in the building and told them about being singling out and about my penis. They all told me to write a complaint report and it would go to some place called "HR". Which I did. Numerously. More months passed. Nothing from "HR". Multiple cast members who witnessed my note sessions encouraged me to go to the HR themselves. I didnt honestly know what an HR was. As soon as it was explained to me by my allies even what an HR was I went to the head of HR at Disneyland herself and waited outside of her door. I asked her if she got any of my HR reports and she told me that she had received no HR reports from the Hyperion. Ever. And then asked me to fill out a HR form. As we went over it, she asked me some questions, and then set up a second meeting. On the second meeting she said that in order for my report to be given credence I would need witnesses to give their testimony. The witnesses, in fact the very people that told me to go to HR in the first place, said no. They didnt want to lose their jobs. In retrospect that might be the thing that hurt the most but, whatever... anyway, I was told "“well… without testimonies we’ll do an investigation and we’ll call you when we’ve completed it.” I never received a phone call. With absolutely zero protection from the stage managers from both the sexual harassment or my obvious racial targeting I (and others) were experiencing, not to mention that HR reports were doing nothing, aka not being forwarded, I thought about quitting. And when a white stage manager made a show mistake and laughed it off to the cast by saying an entirely offensive lynching joke, I quit. I didnt matter to Disney. How I felt and what I was being put through didnt matter. I was a commodity. My departure was unceremonious. Bizarre. 100% un-magical. I hung up my costume one last time and it was given to a new Hans, one who looked very much like me oddly, and stepped out of the theater. The park was playing “every wish your heart desires will come to you” and I remember laughing at how dead that song felt. The director has since moved on but still works as a musical theater director in Southern California. This one time 4 years ago I got to feel something other than my color for the first and only time in my professional career. It lasted from about March 2016 to July 2016 and never again since. I will never forget in those early days looking at all the beautiful princesses I got to woo and thinking “wow. I’m a prince right now.” Im sure that sounds stupid. But it didn't feel stupid. And a Disney prince! Yeah, a shitty prince kinda... I mean, he's a sociopath... BUT still a Prince! Especially special was being able to look in Dominique’s eyes and I could see the same glimmer of “can you believe we get to do this right now” reflected back. We never knew it was in the cards for us. My race always has and will always be part of my career equation and a determining factor of its projection. It will always be a determining factor in how im treated, by creatives, by people, by the those in authority over me, including the government and the police. #wasitmyskin

Copied in its entirety here from Cooper Howell’s public Facebook post: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10163696376095054&set=a.10151302685610054&type=3&theater

11K notes · View notes

strayficks · 4 years ago

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EPHEMERAL 3

1 . 2

smut, fluff, angst.

word count: 11.1k

You yawned as you stretched your arms, easing the tense muscles. The memories came rushing back from last night. Jaehyun’s tight grip on your thighs and butt left soft purple bruises, tender to the touch. The way he pressed your face into his bed made you dizzy.

“Fuck.” You sighed, remembering the panties that you gave him costed a lot. You doubt you have any bravery trying to get it back. You were trying to keep him hooked on you by doing that, a bold move if you will. But damn, you have to get it back no matter what considering the amount of money you spent on it.

To be honest, you don’t know what it is that you want with Jaehyun. You’re not one for relationships, since being in one always left you hurt. You we’re scared of commitment. Scared of uncertainty. You leave before you get left alone, and you hate yourself for it. You flirt for fun, it gives you a surge of excitement. Seeing guys fawn over you makes you feel wanted, and for a while, it was enough for you.

But now, guilt is filling you up to the brim, overflowing. You can’t imagine being hurt like you hurt those guys you toyed with. You want to try to be brave, you do. You thought of giving Jaehyun a shot when your phone lit up with a notification. Text from an unknown number, it must be Jaehyun. Now that you know Jaehyun is friends with Yukhei, you didn’t even think twice that Jaehyun would surely ask him for your number.

UNKNOWN

Hey, it’s Jaehyun. Are you busy right now?

You hestitated on answering, but you quickly tapped on your screen, too quickly.

YOU

Oh jey, I’m not. Whst’s yp?

Jaehyun

Would you like to have lunch with me?

YOU

Sure, i’ll get ready.

Jaehyun

I’ll come pick you up, send me your addy.

You sent him your address and got ready, trying your best to cover the love bites on your neck with foundation. You dressed yourself in a simple shirt and jeans, when you walked over to put on some makeup, a notification startled you. ‘Im here.’ read the text.

“Shit, shit, shit”

You stumbled on your own feet, rushing over to get your sling bag as you completely skipped your makeup. It hasn’t been an hour, and you can already see a sleek black car parked in front of your house.

With rushed steps, you opened the door and greeted him. He was wearing the same thing as you, a simple shirt and jeans. His soft hair tousled by the wind as pink kissed his nose and cheeks. He looked ethereal.

He hugged you gently, in which you were surprised at first, but you hugged him back and he guided you inside his car. He was so gentle with everything. When he scooted over to put on your seatbelt, his scent brought memores of him being close to you and fucking you senseless. Well, you can’t blame yourself. It was the only thing you had done together on the 2 times that you’ve met. He spoke so carefully, trying to not say the wrong thing. As if this is the first time he’s ever spoken to a woman. That is, until he asked,

“Did you cover the hickeys?” He sneaked a glance from the road to your neck.

You instinctively touched the part layered with foundation, “Yes? they were purple you know?”

“Then i did it right.”

You were too distracted seeing his hands on the steering wheel, thick, but gentle fingers turning the steer as your eyes continue to wander downwards to his thighs. You were brought back to reality when Jaehyun cleared his throat, adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he spoke.

“We’re here.”

Before Jaehyun could take your seatbelt off, you beat him to it. Breathe.. You’re having lunch, don’t think about sucking his cock.

Jaehyun silently got out and so did you. The restaurant had a nice atmosphere. With booths and sofas, there were a couple of elders and teenagers there. You walked over to one of the sofas and you both sat opposite of eachother. You brushed your hands to stay warm as Jaehyun watched you with a smile etched on his pretty lips, dimples showing and finding their way to your heart.

You swiped a finger to your nose, nudging your piercing gently. “What?’

“You’re beautiful.”

His gaze pierced into you. A blush creeped onto your cheeks as you tried to be composed. The compliment sounded genuine, heartfelt, ardent. You don’t know if it’s the way he’s looking at you, or the gentle voice he spoke with that made your heart ache. It’s like 4th grade again. You were about to respond, however a waiter came over to the table, asking if you’re ready to order.

"And one strawberry smoothie please." You added.

Jaehyun seemed to have taken a liking to staring at you. Too much was rude, but Jaehyun couldn't get enough. Even when the waiter left after taking your orders, Jaehyun still couldn't believe you were sitting in front of him.

The panties that you gave him sat on his bed at home. He would be lying if he didn't jack off to it last night, but you wouldn't know that. The way you speak hypnotized him, the movement of your lips brought filthy imaginations he couldn't believe he'd be thinking in a restaurant.

Jaehyun had asked for your number to Yukhei.

It took a little convincing and a roll of blunt, but he finally ended up giving it to him. Everytime Jaehyun looked at her, it's like the world is going in slow motion. And he'd hoped it would be only the two of you in this world if it meant you would be staying with him. Your voice lulled him to sleep, your fingers caressing his skin made him shiver. The sunlight bouncing off your skin made you glow, your soft features paired with the glint on your nose ring made Jaehyun want to reach out and kiss you. To kiss those perfect lips of yours. Jaehyun couldn't get enough of you.

"You're so obsessed with me, aren't you?" You teased, the corner of your lips perked up.

Hell yes, that's correct. Jaehyun thought.

He contemplated on answering but he diverted his eyes from her lips and looked at her. Nope, i won't admit it just yet.

"Was that your go-to lunch order?" Jaehyun asked, obviously changing the topic.

You beamed, "Burritos are amazing."

You both talked about the food choice and you agreed that Jaehyun undoubtedly was a picky eater. He completely hated olives, cucumber, and cauliflower. He only liked dark chocolate, and cheese pizza. It was until then you talked about your mutual friends that you cackled on his story,

"He was screaming! i told him that it wasn't true, here, i got it on camera."

He leaned on the table, his phone screen in front of you as the video played. Yukhei was on his underwear, muttering something incoherent as he walked around screaming his lungs out, it was until the end that you heard him scream a one direction song to a toilet.

"Wow," You whistled, "Send that to me."

"Done."

The conversation was pleasant. You realized that Jaehyun wasn't as broody and cold as people say. He was cheerful. Everytime he smiled and showed you those pretty dimple of his, your heart skipped a beat. His voice... god his voice. It was deep, smooth, and soft at the same time. He walked in long strides, graceful and composed. When you both were done, he helped you stack the plates and put the smoothie glass on the side. He offered to take you on a drive around town to catch some wind, but you realized you haven't done anything for an upcoming test you had. He teased you for studying, but you reminded him that you can't just nonchalantly flunk a test, Jaehyun was surprised at your determination. He called you pretty once again when he dropped you off, telling you,

"Text me when you're free, we're going out again."

It was monday, You had been busy studying for a test and had been flipping through the flashcards. Jihyo and Ryujin were mad at you for not telling them the lunch you had with Jaehyun the other day. It was apparently a big deal, Jihyo screamed onto the phone and Ryujin listened with peaked interest as you covered your face from the camera on your phone.

This test is gonna be the end of me, you muttered under your breath.

Another big reason to study, it's 40% of your grade and you couldn't afford to mess up. Collecting every last bit of your will to live, you read through your notes for the 89th time.

ring

You groaned as you looked at your phone, an unknown number was calling. You already saved Jaehyun's number, so it couldn't be him. You picked up, in case it was an emergency.

"Hello?"

"I knew you were a slut, but i didn't think you'd stoop as low as to go out with that cunt Jaehyun."

His voice rang in your ears.

The voice that you loathed so much, the voice that made you cry, the voice laced with pure hate, was talking to you. Hwang Hyunjin was everything you hated.

He was sweet, at first. Then everything went sour. You had found out that he had been cheating on you with 3 different girls, and he had the audacity to say that it was your fault. It was your fault that you weren't interesting enough for him. It was your fault that you were making him tired of you. It was your fault that he cheated.

You were stupid enough to give him another chance. After he came to your house at 3 am, on his knees in front of your front door, he cried on your arms saying everything was his fault, you decided to give it another try. You were dead wrong hoping that he would change, Hwang Hyunjin was a cheater. The second time he cheated, he had been high on drugs. He said that he accidentally fucked another girl because she looked like you.

And as the saying goes; once a cheater, always a cheater.

"Did you forget yourself? You're the lowest of the low. Rot in hell, you piece of shit."

Hyunjin scoffed, "I'm going to make your life hell. Jaehyun won't want you. Listen.. baby.. no one wants a slut. You will never find anyone better than me, remember that."

You quickly hung up, your chest heaving as tears started to brim your eyes. You were angry, hands gripping the bed sheets under you as a hot sensation spreads over your chest. Could screaming into a pillow calm me down? Jihyo and Ryunjin would go after him if they ever catch wind of this. Reaching for your phone again, you pressed the group call button.

The first time that Hwang Hyunjin cheated on you, It was a rainy afternoon and you were just finished with classes. You shook the umbrella on the porch of Hyunjin's house as you stepped on the back of each your shoes to kick them off.

"Babe?" You called out.

He should be home by now, after all you were late to come back home because of the rain.

You headed upstairs when he didn't respond after a few shouts. Walking through the hallway, you heard muffled moans. A mischevious smile appeared on your lips as you silently tip-toe to his room. But then you stopped. It wasn't just his moans.

You barged in the room. There were 2 other girls on top of him. One sitting on top of Hyunjin's face, and one riding him.

"What the fuck."

You were ready to grab the nearest object and cut off his cock when a red head pranced out from the bathroom.

"Oh, Jinnie. You didn't tell me another one is joining."

That made him stop thrusting up, seemingly noticing all the girls stopping their movements as well. His head whips to you as you stand rigid on the doorway. He hurriedly pushed the two girls on top of him and frantically walked over to you.

"Stop, don't come fucking near me."

"Babe, i-"

"You're what? a cheater? no shit," You sharpened your gaze to everyone in the room, fuming. "We're over, Hyunjin."

And the second time, you were back together with him. Truth be told, you absolutely had no idea why he’d asked and begged you to come back to him, when he ended up fucking another girl on his bed when you came home to fill his fridge with groceries.

Nothing can justify cheating. No matter how many times he called you, no matter how many times he knocked at your door, the excuses never stopped.

Hyunjin was the guy that took your virginity on the back of his jeep. He was rough, and it was painful. You stuck with him because he made you feel enough, he made you feel wanted. But that changed. He found other girls to occupy himself with. Forgetting the fact that you were always there, waiting for him with the dinner that was getting colder as the clock ticked and he left you questioning the reasons why he did what he did.

Part of you knew that it wasn’t going to get better. You knew that he’d very much prefer to be in a crowd he doesn’t know than to be in a room with you. But why? why did he cheat? why did he break your heart into a million pieces, glued it back together, only to end up breaking it again? He changed you. In a way that you didn’t like.

You became someone you didn’t know. You were scared of being vulnerable because of him, you hated that. The feeling that seeped into your pores every time you broke down your facade. This show that you’re performing. Only to make yourself feel strong. But it’s tiring now. Every second you coated yourself in a different image made you feel sick. But you knew that that uncertainty will welcome you once you remove the made up stuff you made yourself go through. A constant inner conflict.

When you ended things once and for all, he grew more obsessed. He messed with your relationships, he made rumors about you. He did everything he could to make your life hell. You just wanted him out of your life, why was that so hard?

"Permission to kill."

"Shut up, you can't even kill a bug, let alone a coward."

You were huddled up on Ryujin's bed, sandwiched between Jihyo and Ryujin as your ability to breathe decreased by the minute.

When you called, Ryujin told you to go to her house. Something told you to give the studying a rest, and rest you did. When you got there, Jihyo dragged you to Ryujin's room where all the venting and rants happened.

They started lecturing you about how you shouldn't stray away at a party. Jihyo and Ryujin were worried sick when you didn't respond to any of their calls and texts. They had been talking to Yukhei, a tall, goofy guy when you were too preoccupied trying to get Jaehyun out of the party to fuck your brains out. You knew Yukhei from a friend you had in class, Yuta.

You liked Yuta when you first met him. He was friendly, sported a smile that could break hearts, and for once, you didn't want to take things to the next level. You thought you had a crush on him, until you realized that he had a girlfriend. Shame, but you're not a relationship wrecker. You and Yuta remained friends until now, he helped you with with a project once because you had cried, frustrated that it was too hard. You would do anything, even risking your life, if it meant keeping him as a friend for as long as you lived.

"I don't know what that prick wants from me." You sighed, sinking deeper into the bed.

"He just can't accept the fact that you're moving on." Ryujin responded.

The girl with dark black hair had always been the problem solver. She rationalizes everything, even though the truth is hard to accept sometimes. If Ryujin says her take on the matter, everyone listens. You can't blame her from being upfront, that's just how she is. Hearing assurance from her felt like you were on the top of the world.

"Listen, just ignore him. If he ever tries anything again, tell us." Ryujin added.

"I agree, he was so desperate to make you hung up on him when he was the one who cheated. He even threatened you because you went out with jaehyun! The audacity of that cunt is unbelievable!" Jihyo exclaimed, hands releasing you and flailing in the air.

Ryujin made a grunt of agreement.

Jihyo rolled over, moving on from the topic.

"So you slept with Jaehyun, twice, and then went on a date?" Jihyo asked, tone lacing with excitement and curiosity.

"Jihyo, it was lunch." Ryujin lazily responded in your behalf. She had no say in the 'you slept with him, twice' part with no way of confirming it, so she stared at the side of your head, pressing the question even harder than the girl on your left.

You groaned, "Yes, twice. Two times."

Ryujin let out a low whistle and released you from her grasp, walking over to her closet to pick out a shirt. The sound of her opening a box full of accessories filled the room with loud jingles.

And then it dawned on you, your ring.

The ring that made a cut on Jaehyun's face, that is. You had your panties and now a ring in his house. How stupid can you be? (how smart can you be, to be honest.) You tried to ignore the giddy feeling of having to see him again the next time you bring up the stuff you left in his house.

"Do you like him?" Jihyo asked. Her eyes held curiosity and a tiny bit of comfort.

You knew Jihyo since you were in 3rd grade. She accidentally brought home your pencil case and when you noticed the foreign leopard print tube on your desk, you cried. The next day at school, you saw your pencil case on Jihyo's seat. That's how you came to know her. She had been with you through thick and thin. She rubbed circles on your back when you cried over your parents' divorce, she helped you with your shift that one time you had your first job and was overwhelmed by a mass of middle schoolers, she held up your hair when you had one too many drinks. You loved her like a sister you never had.

"I think so." You responded. Truthfully, you were sure you liked him. You keep wanting to see him, your heart starts a race when he comes to your mind. "Yes, i do like him."

Jihyo engulfed you in a hug. She nestled her face on your neck as she whispered. "I want you to be happy. That's all i want."

Your heart filled with warmth as you hugged her back tighter. She was truly such a wonderful person. You felt grateful that you're surrounded with good people.

You felt Ryujin come up and joined the hug.

"What are we hugging for?"

Jihyo's words rang inside your head the whole ride home. Your finger was hovering on the call button, just a mere centimeter away from contact.

"Fuck it, i miss him." You pressed on the call button, bringing the phone up to your ear. It rang two times until he picked up.

"Hey, i'm glad you called. I was just about to myself." Jaehyun said, his voice as pretty as ever.

You bit your lip, snuggling into your pillow as a smile formed on your face. Wow, you thought. You really like him, huh?

"Are you busy next friday?" You asked.

He paused for a couple of seconds, you were ready to propose another day until he responded, "I'm always free for you."

You held back a scoff at his cringy line. "Pick me up at 4, i have this place i know you'll like."

You could even hear the smile on his face when he agreed, adding a little 'It's a date then, i can't wait until friday comes. Good luck on your test.'

Friday rolled around in no time. You got a B on your test and that was enough for you. You got the notification on your phone thursday morning and almost choked on your cereal and did a cross even though you were far from religious. Your mood completely lit up when you were picking out clothes for your date. The skirt was, well, short. You paired it with a simple sleveless shirt and a pair of converse. You sent a message to the group, saying that you'd be on a date with Jaehyun. The text was read by Jihyo and Ryujin immediately. They sent a cluster of 'Yes!' and eye emojis.

A light knock came from the door, the giddy feeling on your stomach appearing once again.

When you opened the door and stepped out of the house, you were greeted by his familiar scent as he hugged you. He's a hugger, not that you're complaining.

"You look really nice, like really nice, in that outfit. Maybe we should just stay in today."

"Definitely not." That's a lie. You want to stay home and let him undress you, however, you wanted him to try this cheese pizza that tasted like heaven on a local diner right around the corner. Maybe next time, or after if you're lucky.

Jaehyun pursed his lips and, took a step back to get another look. "I have those exact same shoes."

You cocked a brow as you closed the door behind you. "Really? we should match next time."

The drive was short. You noticed that he was more smiley today. The dimples making an appearance when he caught you looking at him.

"Hmm? Are you okay? Your face is red." His brows furrowed as his hand went up, pressing the back of his palm onto your cheek.

You squirmed on your seat as your hand clasped together under the table. How come he doesn't realize how undeniably attractive he is? You could spend all day looking at him and not be bored.

"I'm fine, just hungry."

As if on cue, Mrs. Miller came up to the table Her checkered apron made your eyes squint, or maybe it was her smile.

"What do you lads want today?" She gave me a look, silently asking who the man is in front of me.

Mrs. Miller watched you grew up. She ran this family owned diner and took care of it so well, even her sons were jealous. You responded with narrowed eyes and a shake of the head.

"Get him a cheese pizza please, and two portions of blt for me."

She scribbled quickly on her notepad, the fluff ball stuck on the end of the pen wiggling with every stroke. "Right, and the drinks?"

"A strawberry smoothie and a chocolate one as well." Jaehyun finished for you, handing back the menu.

Jaehyun turned to you, "The food's better be good

"Oh trust me, it is."

"I can't believe you remembered and ordered me a cheese pizza." He chuckled in disbelief.

He didn't think that you'd remembered something like that, and when you did, he liked you even more.

"You mentioned that they were your favorite, and i can proudly say, the cheese pizza here will blow your mind."

"I swear to god if you're exaggerating, i'll never forgive you for this."

15 minutes later, you could see that Jaehyun was visibly drooling over the appealing sight of food in front of him.

"Wow this is fucking, " pause, "Amazing. Tell Mrs. Miller this diner's gonna be packed tomorrow."

"Told you it's good. She'd be so happy if more people come here, this place's not easy to find.” You breathed out.

You cupped your face in your hands with your elbows on the table as you chew on a bite of your blt. You proceed to watch him gulf down a slice, a big gap already forming in the, now, ruined circle of the pizza.

He swallowed, "Talking about packed, i have this party at my friend Jaemin's this sunday. I'm hoping you could come?"

"How many times do you party in a week? you're sure the party animal."

Jaehyun didn't look to pleased to hear you respond with another question.

"Would you come? You can bring your friends if you want."

You laughed, he made it clear he wanted you there.

"I will."

Jaehyun told Mrs. Miller that he'd recommend the place to his friends, and she gave him a piece of candy which he handed to you when you were outside. You unconsciously stared at his long, dainty fingers. Specifically the rings that hugged them.

"You have a nice sense of style, i see." You squeezed the tip of his index finger clad with a metallic band when he shoved the candy in your face.

"What? this? this is nothing compared to your ring that gave my face a cut."

"I'm sorry, i wasn't planning on doing anything that night, but you know how that ended."

"I can say for sure you have a nice choice of panties."

You brought your hand up to slap his shoulder but he dodged before you could. "Why would you say that, we're in the middle of the parking lot!"

"I was just reciprocating your compliment. I’m flattered you know."

He stopped in his tracks when he was about to enter the car.

"How about we go to my dorm? you can pick up your stuff that you left."

God was really in your side. What did you do to get this lucky? You reminded yourself not to take it for granted.

"I lied, i'm keeping the panties." Jaehyun said as his chest shook with laughter.

He grabbed your sides to lift you to his bed but you swung your feet, making you drop back to the floor of his single dorm room.

"They're expensive. It's either you buy another one for me or i'm leaving."

He narrowed his eyes as if saying are you serious? With his lips pressed together, he nodded. "Deal."

You were satisfied with the answer. Your hand caressed his cheeks and settled on his broad shoulder. Let's get to work, shall we.

"I only like guys with big dicks, and I always have fun talking filth into their ear about how much I love their cock. "

You paused, smirking with satisfaction from the sight in front of you

"But you….. you’re the biggest guy I’ve had. And there’s no way I’m not going to talk about that while I have the chance. So sit down on the bed, and let me get you going with my voice.. Although we both know it won’t stop there. "

He did as your told, eyes trailing your every movement with a coy smile on his lips. Enjoying every moment.

"That blood is pumping into your cock and fattening you up… the pulses are so intense I can see you flex through two layers of fabric… I know when that happens all you wanna do is pull those annoying clothes down and start beating your cock raw… and I love that."

For a fact, Jaehyun didn't even need to have his cock out to get you wet. The sheer size of that bulge in his pants and the way it looks like it’s trying to burst out is enough to make you tingle and crave it.

You loved knowing that his cock begs to be pleased so badly that you just want to delve into your animal instincts and make it feel good. You loved knowing that your voice alone was the reason for that fat bulge, that blood pumping, that pleasure.

"But we can’t keep it stuck in there forever, can we?"

He shook his head.

Pulling that big cock out is like a drug to you. You couldn't stop your pussy from aching when your fingertips were clenched around the waist of his boxers, slowly dragging them down and anticipating that giant cock’s release… and then it happened. His huge cock bounces out of those tight boxers, flying in the air and bounced on your face. And my god, you loved it on your face.

Seeing that thick, tight undersize of his shaft resting on your face while you salivate for it was almost too much to handle. That’s why you had to get to work quickly… waiting to play with his big dick was like suffocating.

"I know you love my lips. They’re perfect for pleasing big, fat cocks like yours."

"Mhmm, i love those pretty lips you have." He brushed his thumb on your lips as you kissed the pad of his finger.

His cockhead swelled with blood when you wrapped your lips around it, with almost not enough in your body to keep up with the pleasure your giving him.

The deeper your lips go on his cock, the faster his heart rate became, and the fatter his cock got. His stomach began to tighten and flex at the feeling, as your lips and tongue got to the base of his cock. The feeling of his thick cock being jammed all the way down your throat made his legs writhe. You let your throat muscles swallow around his fat cockhead and milked him as fast as you could, pushing him to the brink of explosion.

"It’s too much isn’t it? My throat massaging your head while my tongue licks your balls and my lips push into your crotch like I’m trying to eat your dick."

Jaehyun's face was red as he looked down on you, his ragged breaths signaling that he was enjoying this as much as you did.

You didn’t want him busting yet though… so you unjammed his cock from your throat and slowly pull it out, being sure to form a vacuum with your mouth to roll over his entire length as you exit.

You needed to let that cock calm down for a bit, so it’s a perfect time to talk about those balls.

His cock is amazing, almost too amazing, but a cock isn’t complete without a big set of balls. And his were a true specimen. Even without working up a load, his sacks were massive. Just one of them was enough to fill your entire mouth up if you decide to work them. Honestly, even if he didn’t have a cock down there and only had that pair of balls, he’d still have a beautiful big bulge to flaunt around. And when his balls were full? Well.. let’s find out what that’s like.

His cock seemed to have calmed down now… at least enough to stop him from busting a nut everywhere. It’s not like you wanted him losing that hard on. You thought it’s about time your mouth truly went to work on that cock.. just how he liked it.

You gripped the base of his thick shaft tightly, making him pant and moan. You didn’t carry around a cock ring, so you had to improvise. You wanted to see those veins. God… those veins. Having a huge cock is great and all, but the fact that he had such impressive veins was really the icing on the cake. Grabbing his base so tightly makes all that blood center in his cock, and that blood loves to fill up those veins. They got so thick and fat, inflated with immense amounts of liquid pumping around his dick.

Your lips started working his fat cockhead again, but not with as much mercy as last time.

Your sucking was fast, tight and intense. Your mouth craves that load and the best way to pump it up was to work his cock fast and furiously. His head swelled again, even thicker than last time. Once he had swollen to max size, you moved your lips further down his shaft and began sucking angrily at his entire length.

Each time your lips traveled up and down on his big dick, you felt those fat veins pulsing between your lips and begging to be relieved, crying out in unison at the unbridled pleasure you're giving him. You knew he was close. You knew those balls were filling up with cream, you knew he couldn’t handle it. That’s why you were going to relieve him of all that tension.

Your hand ran up his leg and grabbed those fat nuts, Your nails giving him a lovely tickle as you got them tight in your hand. Your lips still sucking angrily at his fat cock, desperate to work up that thick load that’s built up in his balls.

Jaehyun's breathing became irregular and panicked as he felt himself getting close to bursting.

You pulled his cock out of your mouth and placed your lips on the size of his huge cock. You sucked hard at the huge, fat prominent blue vein that sat there, making him squirm and moan harder than ever before. That vein was so massive and full of blood that it felt like it’s big enough to be a cock on its own.

That’s when you felt it.

Your other hand was still on his balls and you felt that churning. You felt that boiling hot, thick cum sloshing around in his fat sack rapidly as you sucked at his massive vein. But you didn’t want Jaehyun nutting in the air, so you stopped working that vein and put your hand around that base and squeezed tightly, stopping that nut from getting any further up his shaft.

You wanted to swallow that load, and that’s what you're going to do.

You glided your lips back on his huge, fat cock and sucked harder than you had ever sucked a cock before. Your cheeks hollowed as you moved up and down on his dick, those veins still throbbing hard as you pleased them. Your hand went back to gripping those fat ballsacks.

You knew Jaehyun was close, his throbbing and pulsing was too intense for him not to be. You felt those balls churning in your hand again, and obscene amount of cream had accumulated in those fat sacks and he needed to empty them.

As your lips sucked hard and fast on his cock, you felt it coming. His fat balls began pumping that thick, creamy load up the thick shaft of his cock, filling up his massive cockhead with cum. You sucked extra hard at his head, milking it with all the energy you had in you.

Then it burst.

His huge, fat, engorged cock made one big throb and squirted his massive creamy load out of his cock, his balls tightening and flexing as they gave his swollen cockhead more batter to unload. Your cheeks kept filling up with his man-juice, but you swallowed it all down your throat every time. Those veins were extra fat and throb angrily as he busted that thick nut, every nerve in his crotch singing and celebrating the intense release. As the last of his nut emptied out of his balls, you gave his huge cock one last hard suck at the head and he busted the last of his cream in one thick shot.

His fat balls. His thick, huge shaft. His massive, extra creamy spunk. THAT’S why you loved his cock.

"Oh my fucking god.." Jaehyun trailed, his hands covering his face as his whole body trembled.

He shook his head, "I can't let you leave without having my cock in you. Get on the bed."

"Yes, sir."

He hurriedly took off your shirt an panties. Letting out a low whistle as his eyes raked over your body.

"God, I love your body..." Jaehyun's lustful gaze trailed over your body. He was sure you'd be the death of him.

"What do you love about it, Jaehyun? Tell me what you want to do to me." You asked, lacing your tone with innocence.

"Tell you?" He bent down and placed a gentle kiss on your lips. Jaehyun tasted himself and deepened the kiss by pulling you closer with his hand on the back of your head.

"Baby, you know I love your body. I..." Jaehyun took a deep shaky breath. He didn't know why he's nervous. Maybe it's because both of you were sober, and not in rush, for once. He'd like to savor this moment.

"I love your shoulders and I really love this place, right here, just by the curve of your neck. I love to kiss and suck the skin there."

He sucked the spot softly, light pecks making you shiver.

He then kissed down your chest while his hands run down your back to your ass. His lips trailed down your body with a touch as gentle as it gets.

"I love how sensitive your nipples are. Maybe even more than mine. I love that when I suck on them..." He brought your nipple in his mouth and soft giggles filled the room as he teased your nipple in his mouth, your hand went up to his hair and tugging softly.

"Your breath hisses in like that. And I love your hand in my hair..."

He flicked your nipple with his tounge, making him get a moan from you as a reward.

"You like that? When I flick it like that? the other one needs some attention too." He sucked the other nipple. He playfully bit on it, making you gasp with surprise.

You tugged at your bra, the feeling of being restricted made you uncomfortable. And you squirmed under him when you felt the dampness on your much more cheaper panties.

"Mhmm, I can take these off."

He watched you take off your undergarments, biting those lips of his as he spoke up,

"Bend over."

Your eyes widened at his strict tone, but you obliged.

"Yes, Sir."

You felt the bed dip as his knees balanced themselves on top of the sheets. He gripped your luscious ass and spread them apart, his hot breath fanning over your cunt. You were getting impatient and started grinding on air. Jaehyun chuckled and buried his face in your cunt, mumbling, "I’ll take care of you."

His tounge worked it's way on you. You moaned and your knees buckled when he sucked on your clit.

"Oh god your mouth is so warm...yes, please, run your tongue up and down, just like that...oh fuck...keep sucking like that."

"You like it that much, hm?" He said in your cunt. His hand came in contact with your butt as he spanked you, the stinging sensation spread over your butt slowly disappearing when he caressed the red print with his hand.

"Do you want me to finger you, baby?

"Yes ...please, please can I have it..."

You felt him circling your clit with the pad of his thumb until he inserted two fingers inside you. It was still not enough as you clenched around it.

"More, Jaehyun more."

He slowly moved them in and out as the friction give you more pleasure, his tounge now lapping your juice and teasing your clit at the same time.

"...oh god, fuck, don't stop..."

Just as those words left your mouth, he suddenly stopped and pulled out his fingers from your wet cunt. You whined and trembled

"No! Why did you stop?"

"I'm going to fuck you now."

You got more wet hearing that from him You didn't think that was even possible, but the thought of him fucking you made you grew more desperate.

"Please baby, I need you inside me." You softly breathed out, looking at him behind you. He was jerking himself on the sight of you on all fours on his bed. A sly smile on his lips as he positioned his cock in front of your pussy. Just a thrust away from being inside you.

"Whose pussy is this, hm?" He rubbed his cock on your wet folds, making you back up to him once again craving for any sort of friction.

"It's yours Jaehyun, please fuck me.. please." You begged.

"That's a good girl."

With a sudden thrust, you were overwhelmed by his size. You felt the slightest bit of pain until he drew back and pounded his cock into you. You saw stars as your mouth was left agape.

You felt him pull you up, and nestled his face on your shoulders with his left hand on your neck, and the other on your nipple, gently rolling it on his fingers.

"You're so fucking tight for me. Your pussy's all mine. I'm gonna fuck it however i like, isn't that right, princess?"

You croaked out a moan as your breathing got restricted by the second. "Yes, oh god yes. It's yours, Jaehyun. Fuck it however you like."

He sped up his pace and released you from the grip on your neck. You felt his large hand pressing your lower abdomen and giving you a sensation you've never felt before.

"I'm right here. Can you feel me?"

His voice came out raspy, and you felt his heartbeat speeding up on your back as he pressed himself closer to you. Hips still pounding roughly and the sound of your butt slapping against his hips filled the room.

Your eyes rolled back as you sink yourself deeper into this pit of desire. You could only manage a simple 'mhmm' until you felt it coming.

The knot on your stomach grew larger and more intense as he continued to shove his large cock into your pussy. You craved for your release and clenched him harder.

"Oh, baby. That's right, make it tighter for me."

He coiled his hand in your hair and added, "We're gonna cum together, okay?"

"Y-yes, I'm close Jaehyun."

With a few more thrusts, You felt his hot cum filling your hole as he continued to fuck you through your orgasm. The constant friction sent you over the edge in shock waves as your whole body felt like heaven, you felt it even to the tips of your toes. You felt his cock jerk inside you as he pulled out, cum dribbling down your thighs and onto the sheets, Jaehyun witnessing the heavenly sight of his juices mixed with yours just leaking in front of him.

He let out a deep breath as you plopped yourself down on the matress. You felt like your bones just melted. The soft fabric of his comforter covered your butt as Jaehyun laid down by your side.

"It's a little chilly." You muttered, a smile on your lips.

Jaehyun smiled too, but to himself. He was looking at an angel. Your cheeks tinted pink with the gentle rise of your chest letting out soft breaths. You were in that afterglow, Jaehyun liked you even more if that's possible. He might even be in love with you.

"C'mere." You invited him, raising the blanket and patting the spot next to you

He laughed snuggled close to you, the warmth in his heart getting stronger.

"So, what do you want to do now?" Jaehyun asked, his voice lazy, almost sleepy.

"Let's shower." You proposed.

"A shower, huh?" He kissed your nose, "Whatever you want, baby. We've got all night."

"He invited us to a party."

"Don't try to change the topic!"

Ryujin picked you up and witnessed you walk of shame. She didn't say anything and just plainly looked at Jaehyun as he waved at her when he guided you out of the building. Ryujin didn't bring anything up on the whole ride.

It was Jihyo who squeezed every last drop of information you had. You weren't bothered by her nosiness, and answered the questions. You stuffed your mouth with doritos every time she asked too much though.

The three of you were clad in tight dresses and sparkly fabric. Well, except Ryujin who sported baggy jeans and a sweater. You didn't expect what happened in the party. Even though you'd been pushing the thought to the back of your mind, it didn't stop him from coming.

Hwang hyunjin ruined your night.

You were looking for Jaehyun, but his friends said he was on his way. You called him, he didn't pick up. You went out for air, leaving your friends behind to play beer pong. You enjoyed the muted music from outside the house, holding yourself back from taking off your heels to roll on the glass.

And then you heard him.

"Hey."

His voice surprised you, the drink in the little red cup swaying as you turned your head to find where the voice was coming from.

There he stood. Long blonde hair half tied, his lips a pretty shade of pink as he stared at you.

You felt your stomach sank as you took a step back. You knew that he would utter every single thing he could to hurt you once again. You wanted to run away or have the earth swallow you whole when he brought his hand up to hold your cheek. His palm was cold. An unfamiliar sensation to you. You pulled his hand away from you, only to have him grip your wrist.

"Hyunjin."

"Listen to me, please." His eyebrows furrowed, the grip on your wrist tightened when you attempted to break away.

"I have no reason to."

He paused for a while, still not letting you go. It looked as if he was building up the courage for something. And the next second he spoke up, it's as if the wind wanted to save you, it was cold and you were freezing. Almost making you shiver and go back under the blankets.

"I'm sorry." He looked down at his shoes.

Your face grew hot, that familiar feeling started to bubble up in your stomach again. "No matter how many times you say that, i won't forget what you did to me." You spat.

"I'm sorry." He was looking at you now.

"Tears? Fuck off. You've done that already."

You tried to yank your hand away, but to no avail, he kept his grip.

"Let go! You're hurting me!"

"Let's start over, please." A tear fell and rolled down his cheek. The cheek that you caressed and the cheek that you kissed. Now, the thought of touching him is revolting. Even starting over was impossible.

"This isn’t going to be fixed. You’ve ruined this for good now. After all the shit you put me through, and you come to me saying this?" You yelled, exasperated.

He bent his head down. "I'm still in love with you. I was stupid to fuck other girls, when i know you're home waiting for me. I.. i kept contacting you because i didn't want you to forget about me. That's the last thing i want in my life."

He looked at you, his tears falling every time he blinks, dribbling to his chin and onto the cold, hard concrete. "I want to try again. I can't go a day without you anymore. Please."

A million questions ran through your mind, but only a word came out. "Why?"

"I will change. I promise. I will change to whoever you want me to be. I will do it properly. I want you in my arms again." He was gripping your shoulders now, his hair messy and wet.

"I can’t help but think you’re a terrible person. I can go on with my life without you, Hyunjin. Get out of my life and everything will be perfect."

His legs wobbled as his knees hit the ground, his arms wrapped around your knees as he pressed his forehead against the exposed skin of your thighs. His shoulders shook as he sobbed.

"Please. Tell me how you feel and i'll leave, i'll never show my face to you again. I need to be sure." He looked up at you, lips quivering as guilt filled his bloodstream. Oh how much he regretted what he'd done to you.

"You’ll never be the person I love. Not now, not ever." You looked at him with so much hatred, you almost bit your tounge off trying to stop yourself from bashing his head. "I would rather die than be the person who climbs into bed with you at the end of the night."

He grew silent and stood up. Hands by his sides and said, "Okay." He paused and wiped the tears from his cheeks before walking away from you. "I love you, y/n."

You hoped he kept his promise.

How did it come to this, scrolling through his messages and paranoia gripping you by the neck.

How did it come to this? Hyunjin swayed you with his words and it once made your heart race but now you seeing his face had unconventionally made you want to die. You weren’t quite prepared for this feeling.

What happened with his promise of being yours? Was that just a test of courage, to see if you could even form those words in that exact order, to convince him you were his?

You knew all of his secrets and you knew who he really was and you knew what he'd been doing and you knew, you knew every time you came back home to him he smelled like another woman.

They accused you of losing your mind, they warned you about people like him but you thought to yourself, "Maybe he'll be different." Because goddamn baby, he made you feel special, he painted you a blue sky, he was too good with his words. He knew you tried to keep it fun, you tried to keep it good but your efforts were clearly not enough.

You knew you lost him, but it felt more like losing your mind. Was it you, did you say something way too honest that made him run and hide like a scared little boy? Once you thought were so much more than 'enough' to him but it's the same old questions that you asked yourself:

Weren't you enough?

Didn't you try hard enough?

Didn't you pass all his tests?

Maybe you'd known it all this time that he kept what was between you blurry, never really telling you what 'we' were or was it him and his careless vocabulary that effortlessly swept you off your feet?

Spiraling down this endless pit of confusion and secrecy, how did it get to this? Smiling when he came home, greeting him at the door and hugging him, asking him how'd school go and kiss him like you didn't know anything, like he didn't do anything wrong.

You hoped everything would be better as you sank down on your knees and cried harder than you'd ever cried.

at 1 am, Hyunjin's phone rang and he knew it's you. He picked up and ask why you called and you told him to pick you up in an hour and to bring a jacket. He smiled and hung up, wondering what you had in store for him at 1 am in the morning and he knew he would spend the next hour fretting over how he's gonna look because he always wanted to look his best in front of you even if it's just another one of your midnight drives.

2 am and he was driving down the road, with no particular place in mind and he wondered if you knew how perfect this moment was, just him and you and the world that was full of mystery and adventure that you both sought. A joke passed between you, a private one you'd had for months and your friends called you crazy because only the two of you could understand each other. Just two minds in perfect sync.

3 am and everything was shattered because he's in his bed, and all of that was just a memory that somehow crept into his dreams. 3 am, and he realized you're no longer with him and it's not him on the driver's seat of the car anymore.

4 am and Hyunjin was tossing and turning, and he couldn't go back to sleep because all he was thinking about was you again and he thought he was over it and he was not. 4 am, and his heart wrenched when he thought about your smile, the way your eyes lit up when you talked about the things you loved. 4 am, and he's thinking you're with Jaehyun and that should be him, that should be him, that should be him.

5 am and Hyunjin had given up all hopes of going back to sleep because it's one of those nights where he couldn't help but think about what might have been if he had been enough. 5 am and those nights with you were gone, 5 am and those jokes were forgotten, 5 am and you're not here with him for real.

Jaehyun looked for you. He asked your friends, He asked his friends. But they all said the same thing, 'She was looking for you a while ago.'

He pressed the button on his phone, the light illuminated his face under the dark sky. 5 missed calls from you.

He cursed to himself and pressed the call button, chewing his bottom lip as he tapped his feet on the concrete as he leaned back on his car seat. "Please, pick up." He muttered.

You didn't pick up. He was pulling his phone away from his ear to try and call you again but he was surprised from the notification that came from Yukhei.

'Jihyo said she's at home.'

"Fuck." He sighed, running his hands over his face as he peered over the backseat, the lonely basket filled with snacks that he was planning to empty with you as he took you away from the party.

He quickly scrolled down his contacts and pressed the call button again.

"Hey, Jihyo. What happened? Y/n won't pick up my calls."

Jaehyun heard her sigh as a door closed behind her. He heard rustling, sounding like Jihyo just sat down.

"It was Hyunjin."

Jaehyun knew guys like Hwang Hyunjin, and when Jihyo told him what he did to you, he wasn't a bit surprised. Just angry, very angry.

As Jihyo told him what happened, he couldn't help but wanting to hug you and tell you everything would be okay. He fisted his palms until his knuckles turned white when he heard Hyunjin cheated on you. He'd beat him up for you if you told him to. When Jihyo said you needed time to be alone, Jaehyun listened. You didn't let anyone go inside the room with you, you didn't want to talk to anyone. Jihyo said that you were already sleeping after crying so much.

Jaehyun and Jihyo didn't talk about you again and ended the call. He thanked Jihyo for telling him what happened.

It was 2 weeks after Hyunjin said he'd leave your life.

You were seated on the plush of the booth, a warm cup of milk giving you the warmth you needed. You watched as the bell on top of the door jingled. He entered the room and scanned the cafe. His eyes landed on you and he smiled.

"How are you?" He slid into the booth. His dainty hands covered yours, his cold rings giving you a jolt.

"I'm good now." You paused, and looked at him.

"I'm sorry for disappearing for like.. 2 weeks."

He chuckled and shook his head, obviously trying to lighten the mood and wipe the frown on your eyebrows. "Hey.. it's okay. You know i'll always be here."

"I'm sure you heard what happened."

Jaehyun clicked his tounge, playing with your fingers and turning the metallic band on your pinky. "Yes, i have. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

You thought about it, he's got a point. Hyunjin was out of your life for good, and you'd like to keep it that way. "You know what? you're right. Let's talk about something else."

"Did you know that i filled a whole basket with snacks for you and me, only to eat them myself at home?"

"Thanks for the guilt trip. What do you want to order? my treat."

He ordered an espresso. He was beautiful.

It rained and it rained hard. Hard enough to flush away all the bad thoughts and you solely focused on the man sitting in front of you.

You were talking about a new song that you've been listening to. Jaehyun listened with a smile even though you were sure he wasn't listening. He looked at you with such intensity that it made you ask,

"Do you have anything to say? You've literally had that smile for 5 minutes now, what are you-"

"Let's date."

That shut you up. You had definitely been thinking about it. The thought of dating him felt like a new beginning that you'd been waiting for.

"I know you feel the same way, Y/n. Let's date."

"I was about to say yes anyway, but okay."

You both held hands as you sipped the warm liquid that warmed your heart even more. Jaehyun was smiling like an idiot until he kissed you, his smile still plastered the whole time.

You ran your hand over your hair, only to have it swatted away. He played a lock of your hair and twirled it between his finger.

"I don't have anything to do tonight. Do you want to go out or stay in?"

You turned to him, leaning your head on his shoulder. "Let's go out."

"Where?"

"I don't know?"

He lightly pushed you, "You always say that."

"Let's figure it out on the car."

You left the bedroom, tripping over an unopened box on the floor as Jaehyun snickered behind you. You glared at him and he looked at a nonexistent dust on his shoulder.

You remembered the first time that you slept over. You pulled the simple line of 'your bed is comfier than mine, let me sleep over.' and now your toothbrush and clothes was in his house. You basically lived with him.

Every second you spent with him felt like heaven.

Even the time where he dug the trash to help you look for one of your airpods because you thought you accidentally threw it out while cleaning the house. It was heaven when you went to a concert after getting high with him. You wondered if that even happened or was it just a dream or a thought you had while you were high.

It has been 5 months that you were dating. And you loved every second of it. To even say that you love it was an understatement. It excites you to the point of reaching an unfamiliar degree.

You almost, just almost bought a ring and proposed to him even though you were young and marrying someone that early was too far off from what a 10 year old you would think, when Jaehyun remembered the time that you mentioned you had light sensitivity, and started to wake up early and open all the windows, but he always closes them before you wake up.

You smiled on the seat of his car as he drove by without a particular direction. He lowered the windows down, letting the evening fresh air wash over you. He looked at you with adoration in his eyes. And a coy smile on his lips. Those lips that said the sweetest things.

You looked down at the little white rimmed picture stuck on his dashboard.

It was you and Jaehyun, arms flailing in the air as a pile of thrifted clothes and accessories were piled up beneath, and behind you. You had gone thrift shopping with him, and accidentally made him addicted to it. He always invited you every time he had free time to go pick out some clothes and it was a new thing to talk about. It was nice seeing him excited.

The sun was setting, and you hadn't noticed that Jaehyun had stopped the car.

With a loud click, he opened the door. "Let's sit out here. The sun's setting."

You exited the car and walked up to him, slowing down to sit on a perfect, green patch of grass that tickled your skin.

Jaehyun sat beside you as you engraved the sight to your memory. Him with a sunset.

You suddenly felt a rush in you, every second was difficult as your heart started racing. There couldn't be a better moment than now. You glanced at him, mentally preparing yourself as if you were in a kind of competition. He looked at you and cocked a brow, a silent 'what?'

So he did notice you were acting weird, "Is the sun setting in the wrong direction? What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I love you."

It came out of your mouth quickly as your face becomes red, heartbeat too fast to tame. He was surprised and his mouth was left agape. Until he showed those dimples and said the same thing.

"I love you too."

That was how you said your first i love you's. Now, you were on your knees in front him as he muttered, "So we ended up staying home."

Jaehyun knew he loved it when your lips were on his neck, but on a Saturday evening with both of you loving eachother, everything seemed so much more perfect.

"Fuck," he groaned, "You have no idea what just seeing you on your knees in front of me does to me," he said, running his hand over your cheek before dropping his hands to undo the buckle of the belt and unzip his jeans.

"What are you doing to me?" He murmured, sliding his boxers down, freeing his hardness.

"Give me your hand," he said, holding out his hand. You placed your hand in his and he guided it over to himself, wrapping your hand around his cock with a quiet groan. You looked up at him he groaned again, threading his hands in your hair.

"You're too fucking perfect for me." he said, pain flashing across his face.

"I want you. I want all of you. I don't see anyone else, Jaehyun... Just you." The words came out easily, you were sure of this, loving him and everything about him.

"Fuck," he muttered bending down and placing a kiss on your head before straightening out.

"Open your mouth," he said, grabbing your jaw and rubbing circles into it with his thumb. "Open your mouth and take me in."

You obeyed and opened your mouth, guiding him over to you. You licked your lips before tentatively wrapping them around his tip.

Jaehyun groaned and tightened his hold in your hair. "Bigger, kitten," he said, still rubbing soothing circles into your jaw.

You dropped your jaw and took more of him in. He groaned, holding your head in place as he sunk into your mouth until he hit the back of your throat. You made a sound of surprise, your eyes watering slightly as he stayed there.

"Look at me," Jaehyun said, sliding both hands behind your head.

You looked up at him and he sunk further, going down your throat and making your eyes close briefly at him filling you up until you almost felt as if you were choking although somehow, not in an unpleasant way.

"Are you mine?" You nodded and Jaehyun took a deep breath, reminding himself to move slow with you. "Fuck yes, you are," he growled, sliding out of your mouth and letting you catch your breath before he slid back in. Your eyes shut and you slid your tongue along him.

"Fuck," Jaehyun groaned. "You're perfect. I'm going to really fuck that pretty mouth," he growled possessively. You opened your mouth and he pushed back in. He groaned and guided you down his whole length before pulling you back, repeating the motion over and over until. He stared down at you and moaned, watching you bob back and forth.

He prided himself on stamina but the sight of you sucking him off, the humility he felt that the woman in front of him wanted him like this, it had him feeling sensitive much faster than he was used to.

"I'm close, princess." Jaehyun warned.

You surprised him by speeding up, moving faster, sucking him in deeper and making him moan. He held your head in place when he finished, sinking himself down into your throat as he came. He stayed in your mouth for a moment, panting. He slowly pulled out and you took in a deep breath, wiping your mouth and looking up at him with your beautiful eyes he adored so much.

"Did I do okay?" You asked, you knew you did. You just wanted to hear him praise you.

"Did you..." Jaehyun trailed off, shaking his head

and not believing what he was hearing. He bent down and picked you up, tossing you on the bed and kissing up your legs, sliding your shirt up.

"Yes, kitten. You did more than okay. That was the best fucking blow job I've ever had and I want to show you just how much I appreciate it," he said, tugging down your leggings and underwear.

"You want me to show you how much I liked it, kitten? You want me to put my mouth on you and make you cum?" He asked, kissing your inner thigh and looking up at you.

You nodded eagerly. "Yes."

Jaehyun didn't move right away, he just stared up at you, wondering how it was possible someone like you could ever want to be with a person like him. He stared at you so long you started feeling self-conscious.

"What?" you asked, a blush forming under his gaze.

For him, you were the embodiment of perfection, and he never wanted to lose you.

"Nothing," Jaehyun said, swallowing hard. "Nothing. You're just so fucking beautiful," he said, dropping his head between your legs.

"My love." he murmured too quiet for you to hear before he moved his tongue over you, reveling in the reward of hearing you moan.

#jung jaehyun #jung jaehyun smut #jung yoonoh #jung yoonoh smut #NCT #nct smut #nct imagines #nct fluff #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun angst #jaehyun imagines #ephemeral 3

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timextoxhajima · 4 years ago

Audio

Playlist Feels

Member: *at the point of writing this i haven’t yet decided but i went out today and this song started playing and my heart just starting beATInG SO faST

*update: ended up settling for san

A/N: I won’t write smut/anything aggressive for jongho (or any ‘00 liner for that matter) so until they turn 21 internationally, i’ll refrain from writing anything nasty. this goes for other idols who are ‘00 liners and younger.

Genre: shitty-ass angst, aggressive shoving lol idk, what’s a desire-inspired fic if there’s no smut heh (lowkey fifty shades vibes irdk what im doing at this point of time) *kind reminder that it’s been too fucking long since i’ve written some smexy smut so please bear with me ;_;

Word Count: 3.6k

you could almost smell the money that everybody in the room collectively have under their belts. everybody was fitted in suits and extravagant gowns and blazers and dresses-- it was difficult to believe that these people would ever wear anything else besides whatever they were wearing now.

your parents had gone off to greet the older, more important people of the organisation, or bureau, or whatever group that coordinated this event was called. you were stuck staring at your glass of champagne while your fiance picks at the little nuts in the tray that was sitting in the middle of the small table.

fiance, more like annoying family friend you’ve been actual friends with for nearly ten years.

“do me a favour and cut it out, would you?” you glare at him through your long, false lashes, bringing the champagne glass to your lips and taking a sip. mingi looks at you and pouts, quickly throwing a nut into his mouth before he wipes the crumbs away on his shit-expensive Saint Laurent blazer.

you groan under your breath, rolling your eyes so hard that you could see the insides of your head.

“who picked out the gown? i know you have a thing against gowns so why’d you let them fit you in this one?” mingi munches on the nut and nods towards your fit. you don’t bother to look down at yourself, because you couldn’t stand the sight of it.

the v-neck cutting was so low down your chest that if you pulled it aside with any considerable amount of strength, your chest would’ve been exposed.

it didn’t help that the gown was red, and on top of that, there was a long, ridiculous slit up the dress by your left leg.

it’s like you were a walking target.

“does it look like i had much of a choice?” you eye him with an annoyed look, finishing whatever was left of the champagne. “in fact, i don’t even remember the last time i made a decision for myself. fun.”

mingi gives you a pathetic smile and wraps his arm around your shoulders, the soft material of his blazer grazing against your skin.

someone pushes the door open to the function room, and everybody around starts making their way in. your heels would’ve been caught stepping on your gown, so mingi offers you and arm to hold while you grab a bunch of material with your free hand to make walking easier.

your fiance helps you settle into your seat before sitting down next to you. the function room starts filling up, every now and then some ceo or businessman or someone walks by your table and you have no choice but to stand up to greet them.

but all you wanted to do was to go home to the comfort of your bed and binge watch your favourite series.

not stand here, in the middle of a function room in the country’s most expensive hotel, and let these middle-aged, possibly married-with-children, men caress your hands like they didn’t already know you had a fiance.

“you seem to have a way around men, don’t you?” mingi teases quietly, helping you push the chair in as you sat down from shaking some stranger’s hand.

“it’s the dress, and the hair and the make up. otherwise, i’m pretty sure they don’t give a fuck.”

mingi sucks on his teeth at your straightforward statement, noting that your parents were coming round the table. you look up to search for them upon mingi’s announcement, and you notice they were talking to another couple with their children trailing closely behind them.

“oh god, another one--” you spit under your breath. mingi elbows you a little, standing up and cuing you to do the same as your parents come by with the other couple and their clearly-uninterested son and overly-enthusiastic daughter.

“mingi, y/n, this is mr and mrs choi, and this is choi haneul and choi san,” your mother gestures to them as the couple reaches out for a handshake. you and mingi take turns to shake their hands, including the two children.

you were so used to faking a smile that you were sure nobody could’ve been able to tell you absolutely hated being here.

but your ‘service’ smile struggles to remain loyal to your need to be the perfect chaebol when you catch their son staring at you, with eyes that could kill.

you reach your palm out to him, and he takes your hand with a firm grip.

you almost feel something similar to static, but you shake it off by giving him a bright smile.

he reciprocates, offering you a wide grin that exposes his dimples and folded his eyes into long, slits.

that 180 degree switch... psycho.

you pull away, and you feel his reluctance to let go for a split second.

a frown appears on your forehead in that instant, but he releases your hand quickly, as if noticing the change of expression on your face.

your parents wave them off as they make their way to another table. you return to your seat, now sitting between mingi and your mother who just wouldn’t shut up about the choi family.

something about splitting the company into two so each their children gets an equal half.

something about them being very capable.

blah blah blah...

the function hall gets filled up and every table was fully occupied. name tags were placed on tables by the seats the guests were allocated, and your eyes run through the many names and titles. you couldn’t find a single one that didn’t have a big company name attached to them.

mingi humors you the entire dinner, and being your only source of entertainment, you couldn’t help but still feel lucky that he was chosen to be your fiance.

there were so many things about being a chaebol that was so wrong and so pathetic, and mingi knew very well how much you hated it. both of you grew up as childhood friends, for the sole reason that both your parents were partners in an important project.

so big, rich people gatherings? your weekend plans for almost ten years straight.

when you were told that a marriage was in plan for you though, you remember threatening to run away from home unless your fiance was mingi.

and since mingi was a chaebol himself, your parents were more than happy to let the both of you get engaged, even if the two of you didn’t actually love one another.

there was some dumb auction going on with the mc yelling into the damn mic every ten minutes, not even giving you the peace of day to eat your food that took forever to come. mingi tries to get you involved by raising your name tag, helping you offer three million for a premium yacht.

you hiss at him, nearly giving him a slap across the face when you won it.

your mother reminds you not to have too much wine and champagne, but you didn’t even want to be here in the first place. you were going to get married into the song family anyway, so it gave you the courage and liberty to do whatever the hell you wanted.

you were so used to drinking champagne and wine that mingi doesn’t stop you until your face finally flushed bright red, and you were beginning to smile and giggle at the mc.

an unfamiliar sight for your fiance.

“do you need to go to the washroom to get yourself together? you look tipsy,” mingi leans into your ear and asks with concern. his question pulls out an ugly look on your face, and you reach for your champagne glass, only to realise that it was empty.

you huff in disappointment. mingi gives you a blank look, knowing that you weren’t done with whatever attitude you had up your sleeve tonight.

“i’m gonna hurl out all that fucking champagne and you better have my glass refilled when i get back,” you try to whisper to mingi, but you belch out all the gas that was in your stomach.

“disgusting--” mingi winces at the scent of the alcohol. you laugh, pushing yourself out of the seat and grabbing your purse, leaning over to your parents to inform them you were heading for the washroom.

it was a good thing you weren’t drunk, but you definitely would be if you had returned for more champagne had you not stuffed your finger down your throat. you wretched loudly, knowing that you deliberately searched for the most out-of-the-way washroom in the building, and there was nobody around to hear those inhumane noises. expensive liquid flushes out your throat and you choke on the sight. the burning sensation wasn’t a good experience, but you couldn’t be any less bothered.

you lick your lips, still cautious that you had lipstick on. turning around, you struggle to your feet and head over to the sink, head hanging low and palms pressed flat against the marble surface.

you gather the tap water in your hand, slurping it up to try and get rid of the taste of stomach acid and alcohol in your mouth.

didn’t help.

you mutter some curse words under your breath, looking back up at the mirror to fix your hair and your lipstick, pulling your shoulders back so you were standing with the posture your mother spent most of your life scolding you about.

you take a step out of the washroom, and your eyes were so occupied with mentally berating the hell out of your obscene dress that you physically ram yourself into someone’s shoulder.

the impact throws your balance off completely, but you feel an arm snake around your waist just moments before you got fall flat on the ground.

“oh, you.”

you fidget with uneasiness, anxiously getting your balance back in check and shoving him off you. you look down at yourself, making sure your boobs were still under the material and your slit didn’t get any higher up your thighs.

“you’re welcome, by the way.”

you return your attention to choi san, who now had a sneaky smirk drawn across his lips. he was in an all white fit, with small black details like his cuff links and black gemstone accentuating his entire look.

“sorry.”

you clear your throat, feeling your face flush from the realisation that you could’ve been completely fucked over by your parents if they saw the way you responded.

‘that’s no way of thanking someone,” they’d say.

“what are you doing here anyway? it’s such a far walk from the function hall.”

you raise a cocky brow, tongue looking for small bits of food stuck in the crevices of your teeth. you couldn’t be bothered to maintain your image now that you’ve already acted like he was molesting you.

“me? i could ask you the same,” you tilt your head to the side, hands looking for the slit of your dress to push aside. you wouldn’t want to trip on your walk away from him.

“i don’t like these functions. i like meeting people but i definitely don’t like watching them spend their money on ridiculous items.”

you sigh, wondering how long you were going to be stuck in this meaningless conversation with him.

“you do realise the proceeds all go to charity anyway, don’t you?”

“is that why you bought the premium yacht for three million?”

“no, my fiance used my name.”

“so you’re saying you didn’t want to provide the financial assistance to charity?”

your eyes harden at his accusation, and you couldn’t be more frustrated. if you weren’t in your obscene v-neck gown with that useless slit up your thighs, you would’ve already gotten your heels off to whack him on the head.

all your emotions must’ve been put up for display all across your face, because choi san flashes you a devilish grin, eradicating any hint of his dimple-smile from before.

the same 180 change.

“my family and i do enough charity every year. this three million doesn’t mean shit,” you take a step forward, not letting his demonic presence faze you. he was just about a few inches taller than you, so confronting him like this was nothing compared to mingi.

“so, mr choi,” you hiss under your breath, your nose just right under his. “if you’ve got nothing else constructive to say, then do excuse me. i have an event to be at.”

you gave it a few moments for him to flinch or react, but he fails. you smirk to yourself, convinced that you’ve won this showdown. you turn, ready to walk away from him, but he grabs your arm just as you walk past him and wraps his arm around your waist. if he had invested more effort into the act, he would’ve easily picked you up.

“what the fuck-- let me go!” you try thrashing yourself out of his grip, but he only pulls you harder into the hidden lift around the corner. you try to make a run for the door before it closes, but he holds you back as he hits a button on the lift panel.

he shoves you up against the wall, your rear resting against the bar that lined the walls where people could hold. he rests his palms on the bar on either sides of your hips, and he pushes his face dangerously close to yours.

you were fuming at this psycho, but deep down in your heart, you knew you were the one to blame for inciting it.

“you know...” he drags a finger down your earlobe and your jawline. it takes you awhile to realise that you were slowly turning away from him, gradually becoming unable to continue this power play with him. “you haven’t said ‘thank you’.”

you scoff, eyes shifting to meet his without turning your head. you wipe your canine teeth with your tongue, trying your best to read his face.

but all you could see was that devilish grin you don’t think you were ever going to forget.

you try to hold back from saying anything, knowing that every word you said from this moment on was going to decide his next move. but you were angry with this piece of shit, and your temper invites you to spit out the words you had on the tip of your tongue.

“or what?”

i should not have said that.

“that’s completely up to you.”

choi san smirks again, and you’ve never seen someone look so lustfully challenged before. the look in his eyes was enough to rile you up to it as well. though your head was screaming at you, telling you to stop, but your heart and body say otherwise.

he sucks in a deep breath as he takes a step back, letting the lift doors open to the hallway where all the suites were.

you expected him to grab your wrist and pull you along, but he doesn’t. confusion wasn’t the right word to describe the overwhelming feeling that ate you up, and you hated yourself for it.

you watch in dissatisfaction as he calmly walks out of the lift and walks down about four doors. he stops right outside the cream colored door, his white fit contrasting the brown hallways, and turns to look at you.

that devilish smile was gone, replaced with a look you couldn’t begin to describe.

you feel your stomach churn as he reaches up to his neck and starts to undo the top few buttons, exposing his collarbone. his free hand pulls out a card from the inside of his blazer, and he gets the door open.

your hands were balled up into fists, and you could still feel his trace on your jaw as you watched him walk into the room.

don’t do it.

you suck in a deep breath, frozen in place.

don’t fucking do it. he knows exactly what he’s doing.

the lift doors begin to shut.

don’t. do. it.

your needs and desires engulf you like flames in a burning building, and you found yourself storming straight into the suite, eyes only searching for him. before you could even notice the size of the room, you were shoved backwards against the carpeted wall.

hands were hungrily searching your body for any crevice for him to dig into, and you could already feel your lipstick getting smudged between both your lips.

his fingers find the material of your dress that goes over your shoulders instead, and he doesn’t hesitate to pull them down your arms. you struggle to get his white blazer off, completely ignoring the rare gem that was pinned above his breast pocket.

you were already running out of breath, teeth clashing and your tongues messily swirling around each other as his hands find the zip on your back. by the time your dress pools around your feet, you get the buttons on his shirt undone.

you run your hands down his chest and toned stomach, but was interrupted by him picking you up against the wall. he doesn’t hesitate to attach his lips to your breasts like a hungry kitten, and the heat between the two of you becomes nearly impossible to contain.

his hair gets tangled in your fingers, desperately trying to find something to grip while lewd sounds escape your lips.

“you must not like losing,” he pulls you away from the wall, eyes looking up at you as he walks elsewhere in the room. you expected yourself to be thrown on a bed, but instead you find yourself pressed up against the window panel of the room, with the city right below your feet.

“don’t you fucking dare,” you threaten with a low voice. but you hear him scoff, arm wrapped around your waist as he positions himself so that you were pressed flat against his chest and your breasts against the cold surface of the window.

“but i already did.”

he whispers into your ear, somehow finding both your wrists and holding them in one hand while the other snakes down your stomach and under the only piece of clothing you were wearing.

you bite on your bottom lip, shutting your eyes tightly upon the contact of his fingers on your sensitive spot. you hear him chuckle and he realises that you had absolutely no control over what your body needed - or wanted.

“aren’t you going to tell me that you have a fiance?” his voice was low, and almost threatening. he hooks your underwear by the side and pulls it off the curve of your rear, letting it pool around the heels you were still wearing.

you gulp and huff heavily, listening to him undo his belt while your wrists were still trapped in his left hand.

“answer the question, mrs song.” he presses his already hardened manhood against your core, and the contact sends chills up your spine to your head. you could feel yourself slowly losing all sense of control by the second, and him psychologically pushing you into a corner to make you submit to him wasn’t helping.

“we could always stop now, and you could go back to the function hall like nothing happened.”

now you don’t feel the material of his underwear, but the bare skin of his manhood rubbing against your naked core. the sensation finally pushes you over the edge, and you choose your desires over the fucking obligations you were born with.

“please don’t stop.”

you brace yourself as he pushes himself into you, and he doesn’t give you much time to process the explosive feelings of need in your abdomen. picking up his pace, you feel his grip on your wrists tightening as the excessive thrusting pushes you nearer and nearer against the glass.

you hear nothing but the obscene sounds of skin slapping against skin, and the combination of the mewls and groans the both of you were offering one another.

his free hand finds your sensitive nub, and the combination of his ramming into you with the circles drawn with pressure pushes you closer to your climax. your legs tremble under the overwhelming feeling, and he finally releases your wrists. he wraps his arm around your waist, holding you up while he continues fucking you against the window.

you feel the weight in your abdomen get heavier after every thrust, and your irregular moans tell him that you were reaching your high.

something inside you snaps, and you raise your head to look at the window, water vapour already collected in messy patterns on the surface.

he pulls out and you feel his load landing on your lower back, the only sounds you could hear now was the panting from the both of you.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

you take your seat between mingi and your mother again, legs still shaking ever so slightly, and you were hoping nobody was going to notice that your hair didn’t look at neat as it was before.

“i thought you got lost in the bathroom,” mingi looks at you while you down a whole cup of water before attacking the champagne.

“well,” you shrug, eyes catching a glance of choi san returning to his seat. “i’m here now, aren’t i?”

#timetohajima #timetohajima playlist feels #san #choi san #san smut #i fucking finally wrote a smut #ateez smut #ateez san #san imagine #san scenario #san fanfic #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #san one shot #ateez one shot

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nephilimsarchive · 5 years ago

Text

If only you knew (pt.3) | Arthur Fleck x reader smut

Summary: You hadn’t seen him in a while after your last meeting, but fate always seemed to find away to bring you together.

Note: im so sorry this took so long, hope you like it!

Warnings: nsfw content under the cut, don’t read if you are under 18, lots of swearing, unprotected sex, public-ish sex

Word Count: 4937

Read the first part here.

Second part here.

Arthur woke up early the next morning, slowing adjusting to his surroundings as sunlight shone into his eyes. You had been on his mind all night long. He could see you so vividly, soft (h/c) hair falling onto your shoulders, lidded (e/c) eyes staring up at him through flushed cheeks, and that breathtaking smile. You had absolutely bewitched him, occupying every second of his dreams since nightfall.

He was so caught up with the image in his head that only then he noticed that the bed he was laying in wasn’t his, and the weight on his left shoulder wasn’t usually there. He lazily turned his head, wanting to savor every second of this marvelous dream. His jaw collided with something soft, eyes shooting open at the realization.

He was awake. And you were there. With him.

His arm was slung around you, hand on your waist, cuddling as if you were lovers. Soft breaths made their way past your plump lips, the expression on your face one of pure peacefulness. He had wanted to fight the urge to kiss you, but ended up gently pecking the top of your head anyway. Try as he might, he couldn’t escape his emerging feelings for you. Actually, they were growing with every minute he spent gazing at your sleeping form, drawing small circles on your waist with his thumb. He had never met anyone quite like you, and it was scaring him. Never had he been exposed to such kindness, you didn’t judge him like so many other people did. Then again …you didn’t know about his condition, you didn’t know much about him at all. Neither did he, you could have a boyfriend, or worse - a husband. You didn’t know he was earning money as a clown, and you didn’t know how damn much he adored you after one single night. What if this was nothing but fun to you?

A bitter feeling spread through his chest at the thought, but his lips curved into a smile. Oh, he knew what was coming, and how much he hated it.

He tried to untangle himself from your embrace swiftly, making you shift and sigh. His chest heaved as laughter bubbled up inside him. “Stay.”, he heard you mumble, voice sleepy. Lips tightly shut he ignored your plea, making his heart ache. He picked up his clothes as quickly as he could, trying to get out before he could startle you with one of his uncontrollable fits. Getting into his pants he clasped his hand in front of his mouth, cursing his illness for what must be the millionth time. He would’ve loved to spend more time laying with you, it was too early to even stay up. But he’d be damned if he woke you up with this, seeing the horror in your face as you’d surely question your decision to spend the night with him - or even talk to him at all. Unwanted laughter escaped him even before exiting your flat, and he could only hope you didn’t hear.

If Arthur leaving your side didn’t wake you up yet, the door falling shut after hearing him chortle surely did. You turned onto your back drowsily, tired eyes staring at the ceiling while you pondered if you should’ve gone after him. But you didn’t. Instead you were lying awake, at 5 in the morning.

—

The days since Arthurs and your last meeting were fairly uneventful. In fact, you hadn’t seen or heard from him at all. Whenever you were at university Arthur was home, and whenever he was at work you were back. One day you were sure you had heard him in his flat, but your knock on the door had been ignored. Some people would say he is trying to avoid you at all costs, and frankly, they’d be correct.

Now, he didn’t at all intend to be like this, but to say he was overwhelmed with the whole situation would be an understatement. There were so many questions and emotions in his head that he had to sort out. When he entered his flat that morning he swore to himself that he’d find a way to explain his condition, and that he only left because he didn’t want to disturb you. He’d say that he’s absolutely smitten with you, for plenty of reasons, and then he’d ask you out.

In his head, he played out this scene a thousand times. He thought about what to wear, and thought about whether he should give you chocolates or flowers. But when it actually came to doing what he had planned, something held him back. Even though he knew you tried to reach out to him, years of negative experiences of not being cared for discouraged him. Not to mention the fact that Arthur never had any sort of romantic relationship, and thus only could try to impress you with what he had seen on TV.

Penny had noticed immediately that something within him changed as he came back that morning. He had told her about you, of course not in more detail than necessary, and she knew how much he felt for you with the way he spoke. His eyes shone as bright as stars and the corners of his mouth curved upwards whenever your name was mentioned. She saw him then, standing in front of the small mirror in his bedroom, in that outfit he had laid out days ago, fixing his hair.

No doubt he was going through what he wanted to say to you in his head. “Happy.”, she exclaimed, the tone of her voice soothing “Just go, she’ll say yes.”.

He saw his mothers reflection through the mirror, pondering what she said. Then he thought about you, about how accomplished he would feel if he did this - a smile crept across his face. He kissed Pennys forehead and strutted out of the flat.

—

A small box of chocolates was stowed in his bag as his hand reached out to one of the buttons of the elevator, then to his hair to smooth it out. He had saved up for the occasion, not enough to buy one of those fancy golden packages with more flavors you could count, but a decent one nonetheless.

Just then you were coming back home, your (f/c) dress flowing in the breeze, feeling shivers run down your legs. Having to pick up a pace as you saw the elevator doors sliding shut, you were barely able to squeeze through the remaining gap.

And there he stood. Arthur.

His hair was perfectly in place, he wore black dress pants, a jacket and beneath that a simple white button up. Truthfully, he looked amazing. Both of you were surprised at whose company you found yourselves with. You wanted to ask him whether you had done something wrong, whether you had pressured him into something he didn’t want. You wanted to make him feel like he can talk to you, trust you even. Anything that sounded like you weren’t as hurt by his behavior.

But no words made it past your lips. You just stood there, staring blankly at the elevator doors.

Arthur couldn’t believe his eyes as you had stepped in. Your hair was up in a ponytail, a few thin strands had fallen out because of the wind. A pretty (f/c) dress ended just above your knees, showing off your gorgeous figure in all the right places. You looked like an angel. Beautiful, intimidatingly so.

He had expected you to say something, but you stayed mute. The seconds went by agonizingly slow as his hands grew sweaty around the handles of the tiny bag he was carrying. Before, you were so wonderfully outgoing and open with him, and now he had rendered you to this state.

Only then he noticed how you must’ve blamed yourself for his actions.

Even the tiniest scratching sound the elevator made seemed louder than usual, when suddenly it came to the same unsteady halt the elevator always made, signaling that you would be up soon.

Something inside Arthur switched, there was no way he was going to let this stupid elevator, or his stupid illness destroy what he had spent all week preparing and rehearsing. He knew he’d regret if he let you walk away. So, without thinking twice, his elbow crashed onto the emergency button. You jumped, shrieking in shock as the machine stopped any movement completely, lights turning off. A dim lightbulb flickered to life - you could barely make out Arthur. He was walking towards you in the strobing light, determination in his eyes that you had only seen from him once before. He stood in front of you, bringing his hands to your cheeks before pulling you in to kiss you deeply.

As your lips touched his you felt complete again. He lingered on the softness of your skin, but broke away too soon. The kiss hadn’t been long, but held emotions words cannot convey. Gently, he rested his forehead against yours. A blush surely would have been visible on your cheeks if the lighting was better. He opened his eyes to find you looking up at him, the wild look in his eyes was gone as quickly as it came. As if he was constantly between stuck two extremes, an angel and a devil on his shoulders.

„I’m so, so sorry.“, he whispered, „I never meant to make you feel bad, or ignore you.“ Cautiously, he took your small hands into his, rubbing circles over your knuckles with his thumb, thankful that you didn’t pull back.

He told you about his condition, about his doubts, and about the fact that no matter how hard he tried to fight it, there is always a part of him that thinks he isn’t deserving of the affection you gave him - or that you simply didn’t mean it. He explained that he left so his illness wouldn’t ruin the one thing that seems to bring a sense of happiness to his life. You. He meant you.

You felt tears forming in your eyes, both from feeling honored and not wanting to hear him talk about himself like that. A staggering amount of - dare you say love? - built up inside your chest. He noticed your tears, and just like that all of his personal worries were replaced by concern for you.

„Are you alright?“, he asked. You nodded and pulled him into a hug, savoring his closeness as he ran his hand down your back soothingly. Stroking his cheek with your thumb, you glanced into his eyes, “Don’t you dare even for one second think that I’m just playing with you, or that you don’t deserve love.“, you brushed away your tears, voice growing more and more steady with each of your words, „You’re the most kind-hearted man I’ve ever met. I like you for you, I like how much you try to always do the right thing. I love hearing you laugh, I love being close to you. I don’t care if you’re older than me, or if you don’t have a lot of experience with relationships. There’s something incredibly romantic about that, actually. And I couldn’t be any happier that you trust me enough to let me be your first..“.

A short silence engulfed you. Then he beamed, a genuine expression of joy on his clean-cut face. „If that‘s the case.. There is something I‘ve been wanting to, uh, ask you anyway.“. He stepped back attentively, picking up an item you hadn’t noticed was there. Inhaling and exhaling deeply, he looked you over and began „Y/N.“, another big breath, „I have never expected to meet anyone who is as nice to me as you have been.“, his certainty crumbled for a second, then he smiled again. „You are the most stunning woman I have ever laid my eyes on, and I‘d be more than honored if you wanted to go out with me.“, shaky hands handed you a box of chocolates, which - to his luck - was your favorite candy.

Contemplating whether he messed up the small text he had come up with his stare was fixated onto the ground before him, too shy to be able to see the grin on your face. You adored how much effort he put into this. It was obvious how much he was trying to do this properly, after your rather unconventional start.

You stepped closer to him, tilting his chin up with your fingers. „Of course, Arthur. I‘d love to.“, you said, pecking him on his lips sweetly. Pulling back, you studied his features, breathing in his scent as he held you close. The look in his eyes was soft and loving, the ghost of a smile on his lips. “You have no idea how handsome you are, do you?”, you stroked his hair absentmindedly. The response to your question was an alarmingly red blush on his cheeks, his eyes blown wide. He had never, ever gotten complimented on his looks before. You giggled and pressed a kiss onto his nose.

You stood like that for a while before you took a step backwards. You properly assessed the situation; you were stuck, and had no idea when any help would show up. Arthur seemed to realize that, too. “Well, what are we going to do now?”, you queried, looking around you for inspiration, and finding none. “We can’t have our first real date in a brittle elevator.” He laughed at that, leaning onto one of the walls, his arms crossed. Looking you over he licked his lips subconsciously. Being with you made him feel much more secure in so many ways. Above all, he felt like he could fully be himself. To the extent that it brought out parts of Arthur not even he himself had known until then. A cocky smirk lit up his face. “I’d have an idea.”

You raised your eyebrows while he was taking off his jacket, throwing it into a corner. You were fully aware what he was talking about, but ready to challenge him. “Oh?”, you hushed, propping yourself up on the wall opposite him, “And what might that be?”. His long fingers rolled up his sleeves, keeping his eyes on you.

The grin on his face never faltered while he took two big confident steps towards you, placing one of his hands next to your head. Heat radiated off him in waves as he stood in front if you, towering over your smaller form and tilting up your chin just like you had before. “I don’t think you’re in the position to act coy, little one.”, he growled, peeling you out of your coat „In fact, last time you made the naughtiest of sounds for me.“.

The way he spoke sent shivers down your spine, and he knew that.

His hand reached your waist as his head moved to your neck, he trailed kisses from the shell of your ear to your neck, sliding down a strap of your dress to reach that certain spot on your shoulder.

He had paid attention, taking note of every tiny detail that made you melt under his hands. When he drew back you grabbed his collar, crashing your lips onto his. Desire and hunger controlled you as your tongues danced. Arthur took complete control of the kiss, unspoken permission in each of your gasps. His kisses were desperate, verging on starvation as he bucked his hips against you. You moaned at the contact, hands tangled into his hair, which - combined with your dress sliding up your legs ever so slightly - resulted in a low hum from your lover.

His cock was hard as he ground himself against you, a familiar wetness spreading between your legs. He shifted, tilting his head to test out new angles, tasting you until you finally broke away.

“Arthur..”, your voice sounded alien to yourself. He had you wrapped around his finger in no time, and he loved it. Just once, he did what he wanted, not thinking about the consequences. His eyes travelled over your body, lingering on your chest. The buttons that held your dress closed over your breast were tensioning with every breath you took. The motion of your chest rising and falling provoked him to slither his fingers up your hip to your stomach. Feeling his knuckles ghost over your hardened nipples you released a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. You watched as delicate fingers popped open one button after the other, not daring to move. A sharp intake of breath rang in the silence of the room when it was just enough for him to be able to see your bra.

He took in the sight before him. Red laces graced your full cleavage, the fabric tensing over your nipples while you rubbed your thighs against each other subconsciously. Noticing your doings he pushed a knee between your legs, keeping them apart.

„Tsk, tsk.“, he scolded, „So impatient, so eager.“ His left hand pinched your nipple, making you whimper in delight. Slender fingers brushed under the edge of the lacy cloth, exposing you to him as his right hand began kneading your other breast. He came even closer to you, intentionally brushing his leg along your slit. „Patience“, he had said, „is a virtue.“ You shivered at how sultry and controlling he sounded, but his antics were a double edged sword. His lips came down, leaving open mouthed kisses all over your breasts. You arched your back, feeling his stiff member twitch as he left little bites and marks. His hands wandered over your body freely this time, not holding back whatsoever. Becoming aware of the cold air on your skin you groaned out his name again.

„Hmm?“, his voice vibrated against your sensitive skin as he groped your breasts. A wicked grin was on his face as he drew back, pupils blown wide. He cocked his head to the side. „What is it that you want, kitten?“ The nickname he chose went straight to your clit. Even though you felt powerless to his touch, you loved this side of him, and you wanted to show him just that. He was confident, dominating, and so very sexy. If all he wants is for you to say it, then you damn will. You held his stare confidently, biting your lip as you tried to sound as seductive as you could „I want to suck you off.“

Your request caught him off guard and pulled him back into reality. For a second, he couldn’t phantom how you wanted to put his pleasure before yours. All of his thoughts were wiped away as he saw you drop to your knees before him.

Rubbing your hands against the cloth of his pants his breathing accelerated. His eyes were glued to your movements, hardened member reacting to every little of your touches. The noise of his belt unbuckling sounded horribly erotic in your presence, aching cock finally freed. You took him into your hands, gently stroking at first. He was rock hard, like steel wrapped in silk. Precum leaked at the tip of his member and you licked your lips. Holding the base of his cock, you looked up at him through your eyelashes as you gave a long lick along his shaft. Arthur shuddered and moaned, throwing his head back in the process. Finally taking him into your mouth his hips bucked towards you, his body reacting on its own accord.

A string of curses, praises and your name fell from his parted lips, fueling your need to pleasure him. You picked up a pace, running your skilled tongue along the lower side of his member. “Fuck, Y/N.”, he rasped, his words laced with pleasure. One of his hands grabbed your ponytail, “That feels so good, babygirl.”

In any other moment he would’ve felt awkward about the way he was talking to you, using phrases and names he had picked up elsewhere. But right then, he didn’t give a shit about anything other than the way those pretty lips of yours felt wrapped around his cock.

You felt him thrust into your mouth, juices pooling between your legs. You wanted release, wanted to touch yourself to loosen the ever tightening knot in your stomach. But you didn’t, and instead focused on Arthur alone. He was sweating, panting and rocking his hips towards you cautiously. You knew he was probably trying to hold back, scared of hurting you. So you looked up at him, waiting for him to return your gaze. When he did, you met his thrusts, deepthroating him until you felt your nose touch his pelvis. A strangled roar escaped him as he was completely overwhelmed with the wet muscles engulfing him. The grip on your hair tightened as you kept him in your mouth. Tears strung in the corner of your eyes, then you finally released him with a loud pop.

The way you stared up at him then was intoxicating, disheveled hair, perky tits falling out of your bro, a string of saliva connecting your swollen lips to him. Usually, he would have been concerned about the gagging sounds you had been making, unsure about how watery your eyes looked. But his mind was hazy, smothered with immense pleasure.

His hands on your face guided you up, craving your touch too much to let you go for long. You stood in front of him while he - with a surprising amount of carefulness - wiped away the tears that had formed in your eyes, brushing away a loose strand of hair. You could make out the ghost of a smile on his face before his lips were on yours again. He begged for entrance impatiently, groaning as he tasted himself on your tongue. His hands suddenly grabbed your bottom, bringing you up against the wall as you gasped. Your dress hiked up, pooling around your hips. One of your hands searched the surface of the railing to hold onto, pushing yourself closer to him.

You were thankful for the way he was holding you, not having to worry about keeping yourself up as his erection pressed onto you. You rocked your hips towards him involuntarily. Arthur moaned at how soaked you were, his breathing getting progressively heavier. The thin layer of the underwear you wore was the only thing separating him from your aching core. He pulled away from the kiss he had ben roughly holding, staring at you like he was admiring his prey.

He freed one of his hands, slowly moving it to your panties. Rubbing teasingly slow circles over your most sensitive area he cooed, “Shit, little one. So wet for me, hm?”. You nodded obediently and his fingers immediately moved faster. “That’s right, Y/N.“, a tingling sensation built in your stomach at the pressure of his fingers, just enough to have you go crazy, not enough to get you off. He must’ve sensed your desperation. „You want me to fuck you?” He demanded, knowing the answer fully well.

„Yes, please.“, you breathed wantonly.

“Good girl”, he praised, tearing off your panties and ripping them in the process. You shrieked, pleasure and shock in your voice as his boldness made you feel hotter with every passing second. You held onto him for dear life as he rubbed the tip of his painfully hard member against you.

He pushed himself inside then, both of your moans filled the small room immediately. Going slow at first he pulled out of you completely before slamming back into you with full force. You screamed at the inseparable mixture of pain and pleasure, the knot inside you pulling tighter with each of his thrusts. The feeling of him inside you was better than anything you had ever experienced. Arthur was panting, „Fuck, Y/N. Just like that.“. His endurance was rising with his need to please you. He was pounding into you like a machine, steady and forceful. Working your body flawlessly, he brought you closer and closer to the edge. By now you were moaning an incoherent mess of words, but Arthur loved it. Fuck, it was the sweetest sound he had ever heard. Determination boosted through him, wanting to feel you come undone for him. „Argh!… Ar… Arthur!“, he could make out his name between lustful groans, „I’m going to..“

You couldn’t finish you sentence before the knot in your stomach exploded, a feral scream breaking through you. Pleasure was seeping through your whole body in waves, filling you with far more sensations than you were possibly able to process. Arthur shuddered at the sound, not once stopping his motions. The picture in front of him was the most appealing thing he had ever seen. He rode you through your orgasm, strands of hair sticking to his sweaty face, all of his focus on you.

Arthurs hips slowed down at some point, and you started shaking from the way he was keeping you in your position, forcing you to endure the endless mixture of pleasure and torture he brought upon you. „Ah, Arthur. I..“, you tried to voice how intense this feeling was, how you felt your juices drip already, but you couldn’t. He wanted to keep up the expression of pleased desire and nonexistent self-control in your eyes. Hell, if it was his choice he’d always see you exactly like this. Legs spread, shivers raking over every inch of your body, his name on your lips, pleading him.

Gradually, you came down from your high, but you didn’t get too far.

By now he was more than willing to find out just how much he can unravel you. Oh, he was zealous. His firm cock was still inside you, feeling your hot walls clench around him as he kept up his motions. Slowing down to an agonizing velocity, he pulled himself in and out, driving you insane as a new orgasm built up inside of you.

You almost felt dizzy as his fingers found your clit again, drawing circular motions on your swollen bud. Your mind was clouded with arousal, it almost felt as if you were watching the whole scene from afar. His thumb felt deliciously rough against your slippery skin, your eyes meeting his as he opened his mouth to speak. „I want you..“, he whispered as he continued penetrating you a little faster, moving to your neck and biting, „To come for me, again.“

You trembled in both fear and anticipation as he dominated you. He pounded into you harder again, building up a reckless speed. You were unable to grasp a single clear thought, the overstimulation taking over your body. And your body did what it only could, it reacted, it obeyed. Your back arched as one of his thrusts left you seeing stars, hitting your g-spot. Without inhibition you were calling his name, as he hit that devilish spot over and over again.

His breathing got more and more ragged, nonetheless he kept up the motions on your clit, slamming himself into you with all the force he could muster. Heavy-lidded eyes gazed at him as he repeated your name, both of you getting alarmingly close to the release. He lost the rhythm he had been keeping up, heartbeat soaring through his chest as he paid attention to his hand on your soaked cunt, going faster, merciless. „Come for me.“, he grunted, „Now.“. Just like that, you broke.

A deafening cry you didn’t know you were capable of tore through you as your walls tightened around him. He tripped over the edge at the same time, your orgasm causing his. Passionately he growled your name. You could sense his member jerk inside of you, spilling his seed deeply into you.

Arthur lingered just like that for a moment, buried deep inside of you, feeling the voluptuous combination of both of your fluids trickling down his shaft. With you, he felt like he was on top of the world. He finally pulled out of you, letting you down slowly, steadying your wobbly stance. Only then he noticed how strained his muscles were. By that time you were finally, slowly coming back on earth, noticing how the air around you had turned damp. Little drops of water ran down the fogged mirror beside you.

You felt like you had run a marathon, both of you catching your breaths like idiots and smiling dopey at each other. Brushing your hand over his chest to his cheek you noticed how his stare was directed to the box of chocolates he had given you before. You wouldn’t be surprised if they had started melting by how warm it had gotten. Arthur seemed to have the same idea, both of you erupting in giggles.

Suddenly, the light flickered again as the elevator sprung into motion. „Shit, shit, shit.“, he cursed as you tucked yourself into your dress, fixing your hair as much as you could. Arthur hastily picked up the remains of your panties, stuffing them into his pockets. A loud „ding!“ signalized that you made it to your designated floor, alarmed expression on your lovers face. You smiled at Arthur reassuringly, sashaying out of the elevator with his hand in yours like nothing happened.

Either you were oblivious to the distraught stares of the small group of people who greeted you outside the elevator, or you just didn’t care. You just turned your head towards him, satisfied grin playing on your lips.

Right then he knew, you would be the death of him.

#arthur fleck x reader #joker x reader #arthur fleck smut #arthur fleck imagine #joker smut #joker imagine #nephwrites

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halorocks1214 · 4 years ago

Text

the law of compensation

Word Count: 10960

Summary: The Law of Compensation is the Law of Cause and Effect applied to blessings and abundance that are provided for us. The visible effects our deeds are given to us in gifts, money, inheritances, friendships, and blessings

*heelies into view* sup, im not dead.

i wrote myself into a corner with this one with the ages and stuff, and right before i could figure it out to fix it, covid hit hard and writer's block even harder. however, recently, my brain went 'hey you know how you can fix your story' and welp now im here. i hope you like it! idk how i feel about it since my general emotions right now are pfsdppomdfgpomsd so feel free to fill in the blanks for me~

Penelope’s life has been upside down since day one.

Her parents were rich and influential in many circles, which meant they ran into more problems than most other families probably did. Penelope learned every trick in the book when it came to noticing spies, always making sure someone tasted her food for her if there was even the slightest amount of suspicion behind it, never unattended in unfamiliar places.

So when she walked into her bedroom on her 12th birthday alone and was met by the strange elderly man nearly crushed under her dresser, she had to admit she was quite perplexed by the sight, but not frightened.

Tilting her head as she walked over to be about three feet away, she squatted down to be on his level. Well, as much as she could, because he was pinned to be laying on his back, and she wasn’t going to place her cheek against the cold floor just to look him directly in the eyes, “Hi there, who are you?”

Despite being 12, she was keenly aware of how abrupt that sounded, but after a moment of struggling, he finally decided to give her the time of day, especially considering it looked like he wasn’t going anywhere for a while, “Someone who was just stopping by to-” he grunted as he tried wiggling out once more, “H-enjoy the view.”

Well, for the most part, that made sense, but, “Well you’re definitely in the wrong place for that. My room is rather cruddy compared to other views in my home.”

The trapped man blinked before realizing that he was in the presence of a literal child, “Oh? Well, where would the best view be h-in this place?”

Her brain said she was going against all her training, yet her heart refused to set off any alarm bells just yet, “Here, I can take you. Let’s get you free.”

Through lots of effort, the dresser was pushed off the man, and then the two of them were going somewhere, Penelope eagerly grabbing his hand and dragging him as much as she could as a small preteen. The man just stuck along for the confusing ride.

He was there to steal, of course, but the absolute willingness of this child to be his temporary best friend befuddled him, “Why h-are you doing this?”

She paused momentarily before looking up at him, “I don’t really know,” she shrugged her shoulders, “I guess I was lonely, and I could tell you were too.”

Stuck between being disheartened and offended, Parker prompted her to go on, “Oh?”

Penelope nodded her head, “Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents and family, and they love me, but I’m sure you know all the cliches about being a rich child from an even richer family. Especially a rich daughter of all things.”

Thinning his lips, the man looked back up to watch where they were going, “I suppose I he-ave.”

The two of them made their way over to Penelope’s favorite balcony. Quietly pushing open the door, the man widened his eyes at the sight. No wonder the girl liked this place more, it was breathtaking. The stars in the night sky shone beautifully over their garden-filled back yard, making the flowers and fountain sparkle like they were infused with magic.

Penelope proceeded to tug on his hand again to bring him out to the railing of the balcony. After standing there for a few minutes, she started to speak softly, almost startling the strange man, “See what I meant?”

It was so cold his puffs of air were condensing in front of him, “Yes, I do believe I see hu-what you are getting h-at.”

He almost got lost in the sight forever before noticing movement out of the corner of his eye. Behind them on the balcony very suddenly was a criminal clad in all black holding a knife. He appeared to be trying to sneak into the mansion but caught sight of what must have been his target. Before the man could tell Penelope to run, the criminal made his attack.

Penelope shrieked as her new friend lunged at the criminal before he could do any harm. As they both attempted to subdue the other, her friend knocked the knife out of his hand and pushed him over, but not before the criminal was able to trip him up.

Penelope watched pushed up against the railing as the two men struggled to stand amidst their fight. Before she could blink, the criminal found his weapon and glared at her while her friend was just about done catching his breathing

“Dammit!” The assailant swore before gripping the knife tighter, “I didn’t work this hard for some fuddy-duddy grandpa to steal my thunder!”

The criminal lunged at Penelope one more time, but that was even more fruitless than the last attempt. When he was about three feet away from the girl, her friend grabbed him by the scruff of his collar and pushed him straight into the ground, knocking the wind out of him before going even further and putting his knee on the small of his back.

As the criminal began to struggle, her friend looked up at Penelope with surprising concern, “H-are you h-okay, m’lady?”

Blinking a few times, Penelope stood up and wiped her dress off, “Uh, yes, I am. Thank you…”

Her friend finished her question for her, “Aloysius Parker, pleasure to meet you.”

With that, rapid footsteps came from inside the building before they burst out onto the terrace. A bunch of family-mandated bodyguards were being followed by Penelope’s parents. Once they took in the sight of Parker, Penelope, and the extra third, the action got even crazier.

Three bodyguards went and obtained the criminal from Aloysius’ grasp while two more went and held both his arms. He was slightly annoyed by the gesture, but he couldn’t say it was exactly unfair. Over on Penelope’s side of the ordeal, her parents were hugging and kissing her, reprimanding her for going off alone, especially while a ball was happening, do you know the kinds of people that can sneak in during them-

One of the bodyguards coughed, “Um, what would you like us to do, sir?”

The other bodyguard was way too excited, “Let’s throw them in the dark dark wine cellar.”

Another bodyguard groaned, “I said the newbie would get too big of a head chaperoning this event.”

The one right beside him scoffed, “Oh please, none of this shit would have happened if you just stayed on your post with the kid.”

The third one spoke again, “Oh shut your goddamn piehole you-”

The parents were finally standing up with their daughter behind them. The father proceeded to pinch his nose, “Gentlemen, for the love of God, please-”

Popping out from behind his leg, Penelope shouted to shut everyone up, “You’re not going to do anything because his name is Parker and he saved my life!”

The night air was even quieter than it was when it was just the two of them.

Penelope’s mother slowly looked over at Parker with shock, “You did?”

Parker looked once at Penelope’s rapidly nodding head before reluctantly admitting it, “H-yes, I did.”

Penelope shot out from her father’s side to Parker’s, “He sure did! So you can’t be too mad at him for whatever other reason he appeared tonight, okay?”

Penelope’s father gave Penelope a soft look before turning and giving Parker an inquisitive one, “You do appear to be a man of particular skills… I may have an idea of how to get you out of any jail time or trouble if you want to hear me out.”

‘Hear him out’ was exactly what Parker did, and they eventually agreed on the best outcome: all ill-will would be forgotten if Parker started working for the Creighton-Ward family, specifically as Lady Penelope’s chauffeur, servant, and everything in between. She was shocked Parker agreed to the deal. She thought he would hightail it as soon as he could, but alas, he was ready and willing to stay put. To this day, she still isn’t sure what glued him to her side…?

Regardless, she had a new servant, and not to brag, he was better than any other one she had before.

About a year into their little arrangement, everything was going swell. Parker was very talented at what he did and yet was always ready to listen to Penelope’s beck and call. They were becoming quite the pair, and one day while shopping for other kinds of pairs (a preteen girl needs to have all the best shoes, Parker!), they came across a peculiar situation.

Actually, she’ll be more specific, she’s not that rude: they came across a man seemingly being mugged, and since her parents raised her to be a kind lady, she ordered Parker like she always does, “Parker, do be a dear and help the poor fellow out.”

Parker hadn’t needed to be told twice, “Yes, m’lady.”

With that, the assailant was subdued rather quickly, and Penelope went over to the man, who was bent over and out of breath. He was putting up somewhat of a fight, but it didn’t hurt to give him a little help, “Are you okay, sir?”

The man turned to look at Penelope with a small, fatherly smile, “Why yes, I am. Thanks to you and your bodyguard, that ended up a lot less painful than it could have been. Do you mind me asking your names?”

Why not, Penelope thought, “My name is Penelope Creighton-Ward, and my bodyguard over there is named Parker.”

The man pondered over her answer for a moment, “Penelope, that’s very pretty. Nice to meet you, Penelope, my name’s Mr. Tracy, but you can call me Jeff if you’re comfortable with that.”

Jeff Tracy, that name sounded familiar, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Before she could ask what he did for a living, a gasp came front a few feet away, causing the three not-unconscious people to look in its direction.

Starstruck at the mouth of the alleyway was a brunette that looked so much like the man they just saved yet totally different at the same time, “Dad, what the hell-”

Mr. Tracy waved the boy off, “Scott, please, children are present.”

At that, ‘Scott’ grew sheepish, “Oh, sorry,” then he was back to his previous shocked state, “Dad, what the heck happened here?!”

With that, Mr. Tracy- Jeff, why not, stood up straight, “Don’t worry, Scooter, I just-”

Penelope stopped him there, “Parker over there is holding the incapacitated man that tried harming Mr. Tracy. I saw it happening and asked him to help out.”

Mr. Tracy quietly bit out, “Dammit.”

So much for children being present.

Scott wasn’t deterred, “Dad! I told you going out was a bad idea, or at the very least going off by yourself!”

Jeff pinched the bridge of his nose, “Well, forgive me for wanting to get some fresh air. Besides, it’s not your job to worry like this, you know.”

Scott threw his arms out in exasperation, “It is when you do dumb stuff like this!”

Penelope could definitely see how these two were father and son.

Rolling his eyes, Jeff placed his arm around his son and looked back somewhat at Penelope, but mainly at Parker, “If you don’t mind, sir, but I would love getting your contact information.”

Before Parker could even exhale, Penelope spoke for him, “Sorry, but anything you want of Parker is something you want of me.”

Scott started glaring, “Hey, how old are you-”

Jeff quickly placed his hand over Scott’s mouth to shut him up, “Sorry, he’s pretty understandably rattled.” He took his hand away, and while Scott didn’t start talking again, he did cross his arms. Considering it a victory, Jeff put his full attention on Penelope, “That’s quite alright, you clearly seem to be the one in charge. Does that mean I’ll be taking your contact information?”

After giving him the bare minimum of necessary information, she, Parker, and Jeff kept in touch (it was mainly Jeff trying to speak with Parker but her joining them anyway, but she digressed). She went on to remember that Tracy Industries was a thing, and she always thought you could never have enough friends in high places. Plus, Jeff was one of the nicer ones, so to speak. She genuinely enjoyed his thought processes, and Parker was even starting to warm up to him.

Almost a year later after that fateful encounter, Jeff Tracy was announced dead, and Penelope expected that to be the end of things. She was saddened by it, maybe even more than usual, but she was raised to keep living in the present.

Until just a few months after her 20th birthday. She and Parker were relaxing in the main room before they received a random phone call. Normally she would let Parker handle it, but today she was exceptionally bored and wanted to do something. Once she reached the phone, she recognized the number immediately, “Jeff?”

A man cleared his throat, “Um, no, unfortunately, this is his son, Scott. I think you maybe remember me? That day in the alleyway?”

Recalling her thoughts, that’s when it hit her, “Oh, right, you were the one ready to throw hands with a 13-year-old.”

“A 13-year-old with a wardrobe more expensive than most families’ salaries and her own trained bodyguard that she ordered to practically break the arm of the guy that was attacking my father.”

Fair, and if her instincts were correct, that was the exact reason he was calling, “I suppose you are technically correct, but remember you were the one that called me. Tread carefully.”

Penelope heard shuffling on the other side, as if Scott were unable to sit still, “I have a… proposition for you, more specifically, Parker, if you’ll let me talk to him.”

Penelope was too curious to let it go. She glanced at Parker, who was watching out of the corner of his eye but ultimately letting her handle it, before pushing Scott to continue explaining, “What are you getting at?

Scott cleared his throat again, this time more in an attempt to steel himself for what was about to come, “Well, you have every right to turn this offer down, so does he, but my father’s plans involved calling your bodyguard and asking for his assistance for some things. I thought it was completely unnecessary, but after about a year of doing this, I’m starting to realize he may have had a point.”

That was cryptic, “About what?”

She could practically see the look on his face. It screamed ‘well, you see…’ “Certain jobs can’t be handled through normal means if you know what I’m getting at.”

Ah, of course. Considering who she’s friends with, she knows all too well what he’s talking about. ‘Normal’ is a generous descriptor.

Looking back at Parker, she thought long and hard. It’s not like they’ve been doing much. Going to balls, representing the family name, carefully lording the right information in the shadows; outside of that last thing, she’s not exactly spending every night out in the town.

Besides… she's seen Jeff’s legacy in action. It is quite the feat, and it’s taken the world by storm. She was surprised it could keep up even though the man behind it was, well, dead.

With that in mind, she made her decision, “Okay.”

Scott’s blink was so hard she almost heard it, “Okay?”

She nodded despite the fact he couldn’t see him, “We’ll help you out.” Then she paused for dramatic effect, “On one condition: I get to help out too.”

The pin was dropped, and she was sure Scott heard a record scratch in his head, “Uh, I mean-”

“Those are the terms, Scott Tracy,” she interrupted, “And if you don’t want to follow them-”

“No!” He double interrupted, “That’s not what I was saying, hang on.” Penelope heard some shuffling papers before he began again, “I’m totally okay with that. You’re an adult, you are a very powerful adult, you can make your own decisions. I can handle it, I just want to make sure you can.”

Now it was her turn to blink, “Huh?”

Scott cleared his throat, “As long as your willing to put in the work and agree to other terms we may have, I can take on both of you. I just don’t want you to feel coerced into this because my dad offhandedly mentioned that your bodyguard might be a beneficial asset to his goals. You have to be absolutely sure, after all, there’s a lot more here than just a rescue operation.”

Well, Penelope had to admit he had a point there.

… Still, she was tired. Tired of the same repetitive, high-class bullshit she dealt with every day. She donated to charity and advocated for everything she believed in, but after over half a decade, it was getting repetitive. She still wanted to help, yes, but she also wanted to see more, offer more, be more.

She just wanted more, “Yes, Scott Tracy, I truly believe I want to do this.”

He didn’t miss a beat after her final answer, “Alright then, I’ll give you coordinates for the island. Would this weekend work for a meeting?”

Adrenaline raced through her veins, “That sounds perfect.”

The weekend came, and after being able to convince Parker of the idea (deep down he knew he needed to get out and do something just as much as she did), the island they ended up visiting was absolutely stunning. Forget her mansion, she was going to move to the Caribbean or something with weather like this.

“Hey! Get back here you jerk!”

Bringing her out of her thoughts was the sound of laughter between two guys. It got closer and closer until two blonde boys came sprinting out from behind the corner with the slightly taller one chasing the shorter one. A few seconds of being out in the open, the taller one eventually saw Penelope and froze.

Before either of them could say anything, he grew slightly red and ran back behind the wall he came from with the shorter one chasing after him, his voice getting quieter and quieter with distance, “Hey, what are you doing? What’s wrong?”

Well, that was slightly rude. Regardless, another voice grabbed her attention before she could think about it too much.

“Penelope Creighton-Ward!”

Turning to face the voice, she smiled, “Ah, the voice over the phone!”

Scott rolled his eyes, “Haha, glad to see we’re going to have another jokester in our midst.” Before she could ask what that meant, Scott beckoned her and Parker to follow, “Now then, please, follow me to the main attraction. I have a few ladies who are dying to meet you.”

After a few minutes of walking through the weirdest tunnel system she had seen in her entire life, she eventually came out into what was a humongous hanger holding various sized rockets and ships. On the giant green one was a black-haired man somewhere in his mid-twenties talking to an older lady. Penelope assumed they were family, considering the laughter that was scattered about them.

Along with the green ship, a giant red rocket sat still in the corner. Despite no direct light being shined on it at the moment, it glowed like the sun itself, even outshining the way smaller silver rocket placed directly under a spotlight. The lack of shininess could be the fact that a completely different pair was working on the silver one, an older man with a younger woman this time, but one would think the silver one would shine the brightest regardless?

Bringing her back to reality, Scott Tracy walked in between her and the giant vessels. He proceeded to hold out his hand, “Well, welcome to the Thunderbirds. We’re glad to have you.”

With a sly grin, Penelope took it with grace, “Well, I’m glad to be here.”

This was going to be a very interesting business partnership.

---

“I thought you didn’t like to drink”

A scoff, “Contrary to popular belief, I can get quite hammered when I want to. It’s not my fault my brothers have such shit taste in their alcohol consumption.”

Snorting as she kneeled, Penelope gazed at the bottle in Gordon’s hand with a hint of concern, but hopefully, kept it well hidden, “Well, you’re not wrong there. I’ve had to request the weirdest things for John at my balls, you know. It takes a lot of effort to find Amazonian lemons. Can the rest of you even pronounce the brands he likes?”

Gordon shrugged, gripping his bottle a little tighter, “I think Scott was the one that created our betting game off of it. How many syllables we can get right. By the way, nice to see you didn’t immediately jump down my throat at the sight of my drunk ass,” another sip, making her wince, “At least I’m not the only one feeling this way.”

She placed her hands gently around his, bringing the bottle away and getting him to look her squarely in her eyes, “Well, anyone worth their weight in salt would be feeling shitty at the moment, but considering even Scott is relatively sober and not out here with you,” she squeezed his fists at little more, “What’s bothering you, Gordon?”

Another shrug, more broad and wide with the way both his exhaustion liquor were catching up to him. The grin he formed was anything but happy, “You said it yourself, everything?”

Penelope thinned her lips, “Both you and I know that you’re going to have to be more specific than that.”

Seeing as her words were cracking his shell, she quickly but quietly moved her hands away from his, leaving only one on his shoulder. It was the right decision, as following her movements, the first thing Gordon did was shake his hands in frustration and groan, “He’s still gone, Penn, two weeks, scared and alone and we might have well have sat around on our asses drooling at the walls with how far we’ve gotten in terms of finding out where he’s been taken.”

Ah, she figured it had to be that. Penelope had learned the hard way about what had befallen the Tracy family this time in the form of them not calling her when they got home, followed by the majority of them not picking up her calls either. She was about to call it a night and come over to the island herself when Mrs. Tracy was the first one to pick up. Penelope was a little grateful she didn’t video call. It might have been worse if she saw the state the older lady was in.

“Yeah, yeah, Jeffie is back safe and sound, and believe me, I’m eternally grateful, so are the boys, but…”

Penelope waited with bated breath. That breath was soon lost with what she heard next.

“Despite it all, we still don’t have the entire family back home, and-- dammit, Alan-”

Being the lady she was, she firmly yet gently let the grandmother know that it was okay if she didn’t want to say everything over a call. She and Parker would be over to the island first thing in the morning. With a terse goodnight, the ladies cut their lines with newfound senses of dread. Penelope got to the island with her escort just like she said, was given the long and short of it (was shown the damn note), and with aggressive clicking of her heels, she promised hell upon every one that wronged their family.

Which was only one, crazy, insane, bald madman.

It was a mess-and-a-half, and Penelope had been spending at least 80% of her time recently trying to help bring the youngest home. She hated how she hadn’t made it any further than the other Tracys, but it was a good starting argument, “Well, I don’t have much else to go off compared to you. Maybe I should be held just as accountable.”

It took him a second to register her words, but once he did, Gordon blinked and shook his head, “What, no, Penn, God no, you’re doing the best you can. Don’t you dare think you’re failing us, you’re not.”

Penelope sat up straighter, “And yet you are?”

Suddenly, Gordon was aggressive, but not at her, never at her, but always at himself, “Yes! Yes, I’ve already failed so much, goddammit, and the fact that we’re taking forever is the fucking cherry on top!”

Within the blink of an eye, she had her arms around his shoulders and was staring deeply into his amber eyes, a hint of faux-naivety behind hers, “Why’s that?”

This pattern was something they’ve done with each other many times by now. Not so much toying with one another’s emotions, but definitely playing with their heart so the things they couldn’t quite get to fumble out of their mouths gently left it instead after some careful prodding. Every single time they played this trick on one another they would only realize it in the morning. Yet, they wouldn’t even be mildly annoyed by it, they would be secretly grateful. Such is love.

Gazing into the gorgeous blue eyes of Penny, Gordon couldn’t stop the tears that leaked down his face, “John’s been beating himself up over missing the fact Alan was in trouble during our call, but that’s the thing, isn’t it? Our call. I was right fucking there, my chest was burning with that feeling Scott gets on a daily fucking basis and I did jack shit. I didn’t even have the excuse of needing to man my station like John did! I could have left at any time, and I should have, but I didn’t. I’m the only other family member that rivals Scott’s need to follow one’s gut, and I fucking blew it.”

Penelope knew she was expecting a tirade to come out of his mouth, but she would be lying if she said she was prepared for how much near self-hatred would be laden in it, “Gordon, that’s--”

Gordon’s crying started having some laughter behind it and it broke Penelope’s heart, “Alan has always appreciated me for being a different kind of older brother, but all I can think is that if Scott or Virgil were there, they would have gone to him. They would have saved him. I was so caught up in the excitement of seeing Dad again I couldn’t see anything else, but maybe… maybe they would have. They would have followed that feeling in their chest.”

Yes, she was quite aware of the connection the two youngest had. Both were experienced in being babied by the older members, and while they didn’t exactly hate it, they both shared the feeling that it could be taken too far. That’s not to say Gordon has never babied Alan, it’s a Tracy older brother rite of passage to baby anything younger than you-- Kayo notwithstanding because the boys would like to live to see tomorrow-- but he was the only one with enough balls to look Alan in the eyes when he was being stupid to just straight up say, Alan, you’re being stupid. Again, Kayo notwithstanding, but she’s always been an outlier in their habits. It drives Brains insane with how much he has to change his general character study of the family.

Right, the important issue at hand. Gordon was still going, not helping her already bruised heart in the slightest, “Alan’s going to come back and he’s going to realize just how shitty I am as an older broth--”

Gordon always thought of Penny in the same way he thought of the waves that propel him when he swam: always there, gentle as ever, but when he needed a kick, they aren’t afraid to give it to him straight. Penny, however, couldn’t exactly shoot water from her hands, so she settled with a surprise kiss from nowhere. Gordon’s lips were salty with tears, and despite her eyes being closed, she knew his expanded to the size of baseballs.

Leaning back, she sighed at the smeared lipstick on the corner of his lips, “Gordon, I think both you and I know that what you’re saying is absolutely rubbish.”

Gordon’s lips were still a little puckered, “Wha--”

She placed one of her fingers on his lips, shutting him up, “You are the one best older siblings on the planet alongside your brothers, and the fact that you would doubt that means you’re letting that bastard win,” Gordon’s gasp meant she was going in the right direction, “Alan is a very crafty boy when he wants to be, which he definitely got from you, so don’t you dare think him slipping out of your grasp was your fault. As backward as it is, you should be thinking that the reason he was able to so selflessly give himself was because of your undying love for him. He wouldn’t be willing to go through hell and back just for any group of people, no?”

His eyes were practically twinkling with awe. Was it really so hard to believe that these boys had nothing but adoration and respect for one another? At least he took her words into consideration in the form of swallowing down the spit in his mouth like he swallowing a large rock, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Her soft grin fell over her face once more, “Aren’t I usually though?”

A similar one fell over him, “Yeah.” Then, his face became somber once more, “Hey, Penelope, I’m real sorry you had to catch me like this. Despite it, you comforted me through it anyway. God, sometimes I wonder if I even deser--”

Another peck to his lips, “What did we just get finished talking about? Besides, you’ve helped me in similar circumstances, and over arguably less pressing matters too.”

Gordon found himself rolling his eyes for the first time in a while. This woman was truly incredible, “Nah, I wouldn’t say that. You really did have too many clothing options for that ball, you know. Who picks a theme as generic as “Color” and doesn’t expect for it ruin a couple of ladies’ weekends? C’mon.”

The laughter that rang out in the air was magical.

After their joy died down, she shoved herself in his arms like a needy cat and gently scraped her fingernails over his cheeks in that familiar comforting way, “Just you wait, Gordon Tracy. Alan’s going to come back and the first thing he’s going to do is smack all of you, especially you, silly for how dumb you’re all acting.”

With tear tracks still on his cheeks, Gordon let out a few wet chuckles, “Yeah, he would, wouldn’t he?”

Penelope turned around to lay her back on his chest, and with it, his arms snaked around her waist and his chin was placed on her shoulder in their special soft hug they like to do, the bottle of alcohol long forgotten, “He will, Gordon. He’s got an amazing father, a wonderful sister, a lovely grandma, and four absolutely stellar older brothers to make sure of it.”

She felt the rise and fall of Gordon’s chest as he took a shaky deep breath, “... Four handsome older brothers, I assume?”

She rolled her eyes. So they were going to play that game tonight, “Yes, Gordon, though, I would prefer to call one of them absolutely fetching instead.”

“Scott was always a ladies man.”

“I suppose, though his flirting skills leave much to be desired.”

“Those muscles on Virgil make quite the argument by themselves.”

“They do create the most wonderful hugs.”

“But I thought John wasn’t into this kind of stuff?”

“You’re insatiable, Gordon.”

“Kayo prefers to call it high maintenance.”

“Insatiable.”

“Hard to please?”

“A prick.”

“Wow, and Virgil said I was going to be the asshole of this relationship.”

“He was right.”

“Yet you’re not gunning for freedom away from me, so I must be doing something right.”

“Hmm. Yes, you are.”

---

“I didn’t know you could drive.”

She pulled the key out of the ignition of her familiar FAB 1, “As much as I enjoy Parker’s company, I do need some alone time every once in a while. I feel you feel a similar way about your older brothers, or am not I correct, Alan?”

The boy stepped out of the car and stretched his arms above his head, “Yeah yeah, but Parker not being bound to you would be like Captain Nightleaf not having his famous grappling hook in the sequel. You can’t have one without the other. I sometimes wonder if you summoned him or something, or have him bound by a blood contract.”

“He’s 80, not ancient.”

Alan was now on the other side of the car right next to her, grin prevalent as ever, “Could’a fooled me.”

Then, the grin he was sporting fell slightly off his face as he trailed over to look at the GDF compound he asked her to take him to. Currently, it was night, but before, it was a crisp afternoon only a few days ago. Penelope was chilling in a hotel room in Switzerland, waiting for Parker to pack the car down at the entrance and give the okay to leave when Alan called her by himself with a request she wasn’t expecting, least of all from him.

“Alan, I’m not saying no, but… you want to see him so soon after everything?”

The he did was left unspoken.

The boy fervently nodded his head anyway, “I want to get it out of the way and my family won’t let me get within 1000 feet of the guy for the next 150 years. I don’t exactly blame them, but… I dunno, I just want to get the last word in, or maybe some answers. It would give me some sense of relief. Isn’t that how it works in the movies?”

Penelope rolled her eyes, yet a small smile followed soon after, “That is also how it works in real life, you know. Not everything is a Hollywood flick. If you’re sure, let’s figure something out. I’ve got the feeling you don’t want Parker breathing down your neck, and your family will have eyes like hawks. We’ll need to be sneaky about this.”

She supposed it was immature, but she couldn’t help the laughter that escaped her at Alan’s, “Aha! Viva la revolution!”

With careful espionage, Alan was able to trick every single one of his family members that he was asleep (even John, who must have been exceptionally tired) for the night. After they all left to their respective rooms to pass out like the youngest, said youngest popped up and snuck out to the hangar where Lady Penelope was waiting with her ride.

After a few hours of mindlessly talking with the boy (who had some interesting conversation starters), they finally arrived at their destination, and Penelope wondered if Alan was starting to grasp what exactly he was in for. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, “It’s quite alright if you want to turn back now. You’re not wrong if you want to leave just as much as you’re not wrong if you want to continue with this. It’s all about your comfort.”

Because it was true. Penelope has been through these types of situations numerous times. Even if Alan wasn’t going to see his personal hell personified, the environment of these places was undeniably spooky, even scary in some cases. She might have become somewhat numb to it, but little Alan, while had one of the worst forays into this kind of culture in the form of being literally tortured, was still adjusting to just how dark the world could be. She was sure the Tracys already understood a little bit of it with how casualty-heavy their jobs could get, but there were things even the older boys were sheltered about out of necessity.

She would absolutely be willing to turn back now if he wanted to leave it behind and shroud himself in the warmth and light of his family. Not many have the ability to do so in the first place.

Alan thinned his lips before his blue eyes became fire-filled with determination, “No, Penny, I want to do this. We’ve come this far, and I promised I would pay for gas money. I don’t want it to go to waste.”

Snorting, she gently squeezed on his shoulder before taking her hand away, “Just give the word, darling.”

Checking in and learning all the appropriate rules and whatnot, they gandered at the steel walls as they made their way to one of the deepest parts of the compound. Before they knew it, they were outside one cell in particular. Penelope gazed over at Alan, who was sweating ever so slightly more than before. She was about to make the offer to go home again, but Alan abruptly spoke, “Uh, are you going to unlock it?”

Oh, right, she had the key. Maybe she wasn’t the one ready for this.

Taking a deep breath, she unlocked the cell and the door swished open. Both blondes were hit with a rush of cold air, making them shiver. Penelope wasn’t entirely sure if she was seeing her breath due to the chilliness or if her mind was making her see things due to how unsettling it was. Regardless, the two IR operatives stepped into the dark room and gulped at the sight before them.

Shackled to a chair and behind a table was none other than The Hood, glaring at them like they murdered orphaned puppies.

Ha, like he would care if they did that. She knew exactly why he was angry, and it was sickening all the same. Even after all the atrocities he has committed, he felt he was right in feeling slighted at being put into custody. She had taken down many horrible people, and yet she would never understand how they could have such twisted egos, or as Gordon would put it, have their heads shoved so far up their asses they no longer could see the light of day.

And that was sugarcoating how Gordon said it.

At the sight of Alan, The Hood lost all of his fury. In fact, in the blink of an eye, his glare turned into a slimy smile. One straight from a creepy uncle, which described him better than any of them liked, “Alan, why, I didn’t expect to see you so soon! How has it been?”

The Tracy in question gulped at being addressed directly, “P-Pretty good. Just wanted to make sure you were enjoying your time in jail. You really earned it.”

Penelope grinned ever so slightly at Alan’s attempt as sass. It was subtle, but enough for The Hood to pick up on the hidden message. The guy’s eyebrow twitched, and before either blonde could continue their merciless roasting, “Well, I suppose I do. After all, I’ve clearly done everything I could ever dream of. Now I’m in one of the safest locations on the planet away from harm. Yes, I do deserve this.”

Alan’s grin became awkward, and he took a glance and Penelope before he could help himself, “Aha, what?”

Penelope secretly winced at the fact that Alan asked a question instead of doing anything else, because The Hood, seeing the hole in Alan’s bravado, sat up straighter and his grin got even more ear-to-ear (Gordon’s comparison to the Grinch hurt suddenly. At least the Grinch became nice), “You don’t think I’m not aware of all the damage that has come upon your family? The things that make them squirm? How they would feel if those same things befell the one object they desperately wanted to protect? Why did you come with the Missus over here instead of one of your amazing brothers? Could they not handle it? Or were you too scared to be alone with them? Either way, it’s still exactly what I wanted.”

Alan’s lips thinned, “H-Hey, you don’t know what you’re--”

Penelope was caught off guard by a large bang resonating throughout the tiny room. The Hood was standing, his hands slammed down on the tabletop and breathing heavily. His eyes had a dangerous gleam to them, one that spoke, I might be chained down, but clearly I’m still in control.

Throughout that series of events and before he could help it, Alan jumped back and gripped Penelope’s arm, eyes wide and filled with fear, just like The Hood probably wanted.

The Hood, watching Alan’s clear display submission, grinned evilly, “Don’t you understand, Alan? It’s just like I told your family, I win. No matter how much they want to do to me, they can’t when I’m sitting behind bars, and you on the verge of a panic attack like right now just makes them hurt even worse. I. Win.”

Seething with anger, Penelope was about to give that awful man a piece of her mind when she suddenly felt Alan let go and step forward with taut shoulders. She looked at him and saw a glare that could have even rivaled his eldest brother’s, “Yeah, you know what? You did win, I am scared of you, the world is a little darker. It’s taking all of my willpower right now not to pass out on the spot, but you also know what?” At The Hood’s shock and raised eyebrows (he must not have expected such a bite to the youngest’s words), Alan grinned and continued onward, “I’m not scared of my family like you desperately wanted me to become. Yeah, I’m not. Maybe sometimes I’ll forget it, and yes, you certainly didn’t help, but who needs to know when I’ll always feel their love and care for me till the end of their days? So, sure, you did win in some regards. My family now has even more shit to struggle through until we get back to some semblance of normal, but I still have them, unlike your sorry ass.”

Alan took a step back as to signify these are the last words we’re having, asshole, rot in hell, “All of your henchmen have been promised safety away from you, you growl and hiss at every scrap of help people somehow manage to want to throw your way despite everything you’ve done to them and you still think you’re the right one in this situation. The one on top of it all. Well, guess what? You’re not, and my family and I, together, are one day going to toast to this momentous occasion. You finally being left in a cell to rot. Alone. Have a good rest of your life, Hood, I hope it’s as dark as you wanted it to be.”

With that, the boy turned on his heel and walked out of the room, leaving Penelope to give one last glance to a flabbergasted Hood with a cheeky grin. Soon after, she left herself and locked the door just like she knew how to and followed Alan out. The boy had quite the lead on her, not that she was going to try and close any time soon. She was going to let him have some space after all of that.

She was pretty good at judging distances, and it was about two hundred and twenty-three feet away from The Hood’s cell door when Alan suddenly leaned against the wall and slid down it to bring his head between his knees. Not skipping a beat or becoming even slightly caught off guard, Penelope kneeled next to him and placed a gentle hand on his back, “You were very brave, Alan, and extremely right. I’ve known utter wackjobs who only have fantasies of being able to say or do something like that.”

Minutely trembling, Alan brought his head up to look at her. Unshed tears were in his eyes, yet he still grinned and laughed all the same, “You mean like Parker right?”

Blinking, Penelope had to grin too, “Well, I wasn’t going to be the one to say any names, but if we want to go there...”

Just like that, they were interrupted by the sounds of footsteps heading their way.

Both blondes looked up to see a GDF member walking in their direction who jumped at the sight of them, “Woah, hey… Uh, are you two alright? Do you need me to fetch someone?”

Shaking her head at the generous offer, Penelope declined, “No, but thank you. We had to make a necessary stop for the future that was draining, but it’s over now, and we just need to catch our breath. Isn’t that right, Alan?”

Penelope felt Alan’s breathing was a little more hectic than before, but his terse nods made her focus back on the man in front of them.

Also nodding, the man continued on his journey to wherever he was going, “If you’re sure then…”

As his footsteps became muffled due to distance, Penelope finally registered that it was panic that was swiftly overtaking Alan, and before she could ask what was wrong or comfort him, Alan roughly gripped the front of her shirt, “Penny, do you know if there are any other criminals being held down here?”

Uh, that was weird, “Not yet, or at least, none that I know of.”

If Alan wasn’t careful his breathing would become hyperventilation, “And who did you say was allowed access to The Hood’s cell?”

She didn’t like where this was going, “Well, there’s myself, I believe your father and Scott, Colonel Casey, and about one other well-trusted higher-up in the GDF. Why?”

Alan looked at her with the widest eyes imaginable, essentially saying she held the world in her palms at that very moment, “Then why did that random employee, who definitely was not a high rank in the slightest, have a keycard like ours?”

Oh, damn, why the hell didn’t she notice immediately that a random member being down here at this time of night was suspicious? Regardless, Alan picked up the slack for her- must have seen the key in his pocket somehow- and before he could utter another word out, she reluctantly left him behind to go chase after the man.

She wasn’t sure how the man got the keycard, but those details were to be left for the GDF to find out. It was their spy problem, after all.

Coming around the corner, her eyes laid upon the man about two inches away from unlocking the door. Before she even thought, she tackled him in a very unladylike manner, which led to a rather brutal scuffle on the ground. She was still winning it, however, like she always does. At some point, she managed to grab his key from him and escape the weird tango they were doing on the floor, and right as she stood up, a young voice called out to her, “Penny!”

Looking up, it seemed Alan had finally found his feet. She saw the man had also found his as well and was coming at her once more, “Alan! Take these and run!”

Chucking two identical keycards over the man who returned her tackle from earlier, Penelope was barely able to watch as Alan caught them and did as he was told. Boy, didn’t Gordon once mention he was in track at some point? It clearly showed. She blinked, the man stood up and Alan was gone. Too bad the man was very insistent that he freed The Hood tonight, as he started booking it as soon as Penelope stood up as well.

God, how did this night go to shit so quickly. She wasn’t even wearing the right heels to run in!

She eventually caught up to the two men as they made their way into the lobby. The person who was seated at the desk and who Penelope got her key from was swiftly knocked out, most likely due to their little intruder. So that at least explained why the intruder was able to get the key. Well, Penelope would need to wake them up somehow. She couldn’t run out and get help herself because she didn’t want to leave Alan alone with that man; if they both left he would just go and break The Hood out; and something about radio communication was jammed down here for safety reasons. The only thing that could call the rest of the GDF was that desk.

As she was thinking of a way to get that person to wake up, she watched out of the corner of her eye as Alan dodged a tackle thrown his way. Penelope thought she could sigh in relief, but then the man, while still on his stomach, shot his arm out and grabbed Alan by the ankle and yanked him down. Alan had no other choice but to fall right directly on his tailbone, which fell directly on the cold, hard, metallic floor, causing him to yelp out a high pitched “OW!” in the process.

Oh, so that must be how Scott felt during these moments. Interesting.

Getting over to the commotion, Penny jabbed the sharp part of her heel right into the spy’s side, making him wheeze and release Alan’s ankle, allowing the boy to scoot away. The man growled, and Penelope kneeled to try and pin him. She might not have been physically strong enough to completely hold him, but it was enough to significantly slow him down. Meanwhile, Alan scooted so far back his actual back knocked against the desk. Taking a deep breath to calm his erratic chest, he reached behind and above himself to place the cards on the desk and rejoined the fray.

Right before the man could break out of Penelope’s grip, Alan was there pinning him down from the other side. It stopped him for just a bit, but the momentum he had from before was enough to throw them off. They both landed on their butts, and Penelope watched as the man focused his anger on Alan once more. Leaping off her bottom, her arms wrapped around his chest right as Alan jerked one of his legs out in front of him to nail the man right in the stomach, making him huff due to the sudden loss of air in his diaphragm.

This brawl was going in circles. Penelope had to wake that person up, but how? Looking around the room, quickly losing her grip on the spy once more, she saw she had a clear shot of the knocked out receptionist. Closing her eyes in pain (these shoes were limited quantity) for what she was about to do, she moved her arms to have one still wrapped around the man’s neck and used the other to reach down and grab one of her heels.

Hopefully, with more grace than she thought she had, she closed one of her eyes to aim and chucked the heel right at the head of the sleeping GDF member. It hit the target right on, and before she could feel elated at her momentary victory, the man gripped her arm and chucked her right at Alan. They collided at let out two groans right at the moment of impact.

She usually was more refined in the way she kicked ass. Tonight, she hoped it would be okay to make an exception.

Her Deus-Ex-Heel must have worked because outside of her peripheral vision, she heard the noises of someone groaning after being knocked out, followed by a, “What the- HOLY-”

That was good enough for her, and now her focus was 100% back on the man in front of her, as well as Alan beneath her. Both she and the youngest Tracy looked up to see the man standing threateningly over them like a dark shadow, most likely casting one over them in the process as well. She wasn’t sure if it was her or him that growled, but only feeling partially sorry as she sprang off of Alan like he was a trampoline, she tangled with the spy once more. At some point, Alan joined the dance as well, and it was a blur of limbs. The receptionist was fearfully crouching behind the desk, mainly because you had to be insane to join in on that twister of a fight.

After a little bit more scuffling, Penelope was only reminded of the fact that she was wearing one heel when she tripped like an absolute buffoon over her own two feet. Regardless, the spy wasn’t expecting it either, and with a yell of shock, the two of them tumbled down, taking Alan with them, onto the ground for the last time, and in the process, the man smacked his head directly on the steel floor. While he wasn’t completely knocked out, the guttural noise he made after the fact signified he was down for the count.

Suddenly, they were in the weirdest triangle formation ever conceived, with Penny laying atop his chest with her nose against the ground and Alan laying over the man’s legs as his knees jutted uncomfortably into the boy’s gut, Alan’s face only a few inches away from hers. The man was finally done fighting and he was staying that way, however, which was more than enough. She only wished she had more grace during it all, especially at this moment. It was embarrassing as hell how they ended up, and she couldn’t even begin to make herself more presentable because the help she desperately wanted showed up at the exact wrong time.

“This is the GDF! Put your hands- Alan?!”

With the grace of a newborn angel, Alan popped his head up above the chaotic knot to see what the new commotion was about. It was kind of hard to be mad at the scene when his hair was so unkempt in that way baby animals get after lick-baths from their mothers, as well as the dopey smile he was sporting with such an adrenaline rush, “Oh! Hi Aunt Casey! Glad to see you again!”

Penelope groaned into the ground, Well, poop. This was not how she wanted this to go.

After being held in a cell for about an hour or so (it was regulation, they knew that, didn’t make it suck any less), the Colonel herself came and brought them out. It was very obvious they didn’t do anything wrong, honestly, they did more than right, but the GDF had rules. Causing such a commotion, especially in such a facility, had to be looked into, and what she found was exactly what she expected. Nothing less of a Tracy, or Miss Creighton-Ward.

Didn’t stop her from gripping the boy’s arm like a tired mother, however, “Now then, another part of our regulations is to call the family of anyone we incarcerate, so the past half hour of my job has been more hectic than I can bear. Please, Alan, don’t make this worse for anyone, or yourself.”

As soon as the word ‘family’ left Casey’s mouth, both Penelope and Alan winced. They both subconsciously figured that the rest of the Tracys would find out about their little mission, they just hoped it would be in the morning a few hours after everything was said and done. Not right in the middle of it, and especially not right after they essentially took down an enemy cell.

Casey let the boy go with a fond smile. Penelope watched as the boy gave one back, albeit a little bit more awkwardly. It said please don’t feed me to the starving lions. Casey only eye-rolled. You were the one that thought it was okay to steal their food. Alan eye-rolled right back. Yeah, fine, fair enough. The two women stood and watched as Alan took a deep breath and descended the stairs to his frantic family.

Penelope took a moment to look at said family. Jeff and John were off to the side talking to two officers while Gordon and Virgil were steaming and sitting with their arms on a seemingly even more steaming Scott, all three glaring at the spy currently in handcuffs. Oof, they probably got a brief rundown about what happened, and that most likely didn’t put them in a good mood. Which was to be expected. How else should one feel when you’re abruptly woken up to a call from the GDF saying your younger brother is in our captivity. Please come pick him up before he makes even more of a mess. It didn’t help that they had to wait to see the younger brother when they knew Alan was right inside and could have been let go at any time.

Penelope was brought out of her thoughts at the sound of Alan speaking rather loudly. The rest of the Tracy family jumped at the voice too. Everyone looked at the middle of the stairs to see the freckled boy slowly bound down them, careful as to not set off any more metaphorical explosions, “Heeeeeeey guys. So, uh, funny story, would you believe me if I said getting into a brawl with an enemy spy was not on my agenda? Like, we were supposed to be in and out in less than an hour, I swear, but--”

His foot barely tapped the ground at the bottom of the stairs when Scott, in a typhoon of brotherly fury and care, was suddenly upon him and picking him up into the biggest, most smothery hug he had gotten in a while. And he had been getting a lot of those lately. Barely being able to breathe, both due to the tightness of the hold and the fact that Scott was subconsciously suffocating him in his shoulder, Alan could only bring his head up, gently set his chin down on said shoulder and wrap his arms around his older brother, “Yeah, okay.”

Penelope continued to watch as Gordon followed suit and proceeded to hug Alan from behind, making Scott move his arms to hold both tinies. Virgil and John sauntered up to the group hug but instead of joining, they simply waited for the storm to calm so they could get their versions in. Virgil even slung an arm around John’s shoulder, which the astronaut surprisingly leaned into.

Huh, maybe tonight went a little off schedule, but maybe it was also for the best.

Casey, who had been watching everything the whole time as well, grabbed her hands around the middle of her back as she tended to do, “Well, as unorthodox as it was, thank you for your help tonight. After The Hood’s big scheme came to fruition, our little spy went under the radar. After The Hood was taken in, he dug himself even further. We were worried we were going to have to shut down operations in that sector for a little bit to catch him.”

Penelope relaxed at the small conversation. Tonight seemed to take a little bit more out of her than she realized, “Glad to be of service. Just count this as another thing checked off on our long-ass checklists.”

Casey chuckled, “It is indeed. Now then,” Casey suddenly looked up, and before Penelope could follow her line of sight, “Jeff Tracy, you have just as much right to be in that hug as the rest of your sons.”

Oh. Finally looking up herself, Penelope was met with the sight of the ex-astronaut coming up the stairs to the two ladies to join their conversation. His hands were in his pockets, and while his eyes looked tired, his smile said he was quite at ease, “Cool your jets, Colonel. I’ll get my due when there aren’t 50 of your men and women watching my every move. Besides, I need to speak with my old friend for a moment. My other one, obviously.”

Casey scoffed and threw her hands into the air, though Penelope could tell it came from a place of fondness. From years of working together that couldn’t be taken away no matter the circumstances, “You always say that, but you still owe me that 50 bucks from 25 years ago.”

Jeff waved her off, “Please, can you even remember what it was over?”

“Maybe I won’t, but that Singing Tiger Ale House sure will,” she stated with a grin. Penelope had to giggle at the way Jeff started meekly blushing, “Speaking of getting things done in a timely manner, unlike certain oafs I know, I suddenly have some new reports I need to file tonight,” even though that statement had the potential for it, there was no malice laced in it whatsoever, “I bid you goodnight, friends, you’ve earned it.”

As the Colonel walked away, Penelope gave a small wave as Jeff made a small salute with two of his fingers. Then, the two adults were alone in comfortable silence. Now, Penelope was never a patient person, “You said you wished to speak to me?”

Jeff blinked before registering her words, “Ah, yes, I did. I was just wondering what inclined you to kidnap my son and take him for a joy ride. Did he bribe you with something? I have to know, I’ve never figured out what I could get you to maybe make you more malleable to certain decisions, and I’ve had a near-decade to ruminate over it.”

Penelope rolled her eyes, “First of all, never in a million years would I tell you what you can get under my skin with, you would have to physically interrogate me for such valuable secrets, and second of all, Alan came to me with an offer I had no argument against. I had to concede and help him out.”

Jeff raised an eyebrow, “Do you mind explaining that a little more or?...”

Penelope sighed, “He wanted to talk to The Hood in captivity. For closure.”

Jeff flinched, “Jesus, Penny, that’s-”

The London Agent in question wagged her finger in his direction, “Ah ah ah, Mr. Tracy, do not finish that sentence. You are not a bad person, nor is your family a bad family for not wanting Alan near that man. It was the logical feeling you should feel after everything. However, Alan’s needs are similar yet different, which he knew, which is why he came to me for this. He was ready for something you weren’t, nor were your sons, and he wanted to respect that. I was worried if I told him no he would never get the courage to ask again.”

As Jeff listened to Penny’s semi-tirade, he continued to watch his sons mindlessly chatter with one another. Penelope’s words washed over him like a cool shower, relaxing his mind and his body. He was suddenly aware that Alan’s face was even more relaxed than before, his smile more natural. Whatever happened between him and The Hood during that awful month of hell would be a dark spot on the rest of their family for years to come, but every day it grew smaller and smaller.

Jeff really was becoming a sentimental old fart, “He’s grown up to be a fine young man, hasn’t he.”

Penelope heard Jeff phrase that as a matter of fact, and she was glad he did. He was right, “He sure has.” And it’s thanks to you. You were always there in spirit for those boys, and they relished every minute of it.

Jeff rolled his shoulders and started stepping down the steps to go see his family. Right before Penny could walk away, Jeff stopped about three steps down, brought one of his hands out of his pockets, and pointed to the sky in that familiar way that said, wait, I forgot this one thing, “Parker called me right before the GDF hit Scott up. I’m just warning you ahead of time. He seemed pretty worried he was suddenly out of a job, or that he was somehow the only person left on the planet Earth. Maybe you should address those fears of his?”

Penelope grimaced, “Thank you for the warning, Jeff.” That was going to be a fun conversation. Even so, she knew it was technically her fault. There was a note she forgot to write and leave for him in there somewhere.

Giving her a thumbs up with the same hand he made the previous movement with, he continued to not look at her as he put the hand back in his pocket and started walking towards his family once more. Penelope waited only for a moment, wanting to make sure Jeff didn’t evaporate the moment he got near his family. As she watched him wrap Alan in yet another hug, she finally let go and figured everything was going to be alright.

An hour or so later, FAB 1 was pulled into her garage and she was drinking tea alongside Parker in her living room. After explaining what went down and why she went alone, Parker simply grumbled, “First that family warps your romantic standards, and now they’re h-affecting your common sense! Next, they’ll make you think you’re H-Australian or something! What h-am I supposed to do then, m’lady?”

Grinning with the teacup still touching her lips, she brought it down, set it on the tiny plate in her lap, and relished in her long time friend’s antics, “Well, we’ll learn to adapt just like we always have, Parker. Just like we always have.”

Her world has been upside down since day one.

But maybe those crazy boys and their endless love are the things she needs to keep it right side up.

#thunderbirds #thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds tag #thunderbirds fanfic #lady penelope #penelope creighton-ward #aloysius parker #alan tracy #gordon tracy #jeff tracy #scott tracy #penelope x gordon #gordon x penelope #my post #my fic #series: rules of alchemy

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getitinbusan · 5 years ago

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Only Love Can Hurt Like This -4

Im Jaebeom - Angst

Y/N doesn't want a relationship, especially not with an idol. Jaebeom only wants her.

Love after heartbreak and all the things that fall in between.

Angst, Cheating, Fluff, Smut

A new series inspired by lyrics, each chapter has a specific song that goes with it.

Chapter 1: Nice To Meet Ya

Chapter 2: Blood In The Cut

Chapter 3: Liability

Chapter 4:

Chapter 5: Only Love Can Hurt Like This

Chapter 4: That's Just The Way You Make Me Feel

You keep on asking me the same questions (why?)

And second guessing all my intentions

You've got the answers to my confessions

You know I love it, so please don't stop it

So real, so good, so fuckin' real

The way you make me feel Janel Monae.

He knew he fucked up and he didn't know what to do about it. He'd finally made some headway and now he was back to square one.

So, the next day he was back. Standing in front of your counter he held out a cup of Hotteok.

Before he could speak you jumped in, "See JB, the way this whole retail thing works is, you pick something you want that I'm selling, then give me money for it. Nowhere in the scenario do you bring me random shit just because."

Your eyes were red, he felt terrible, after only 2 conversations he'd already managed to hurt you.

"It's not random shit, it's an apology. I'm sorry I drew attention to you last night." he paused, "you don't deserve to be attacked like that."

You turned away trying to gain your composure, "The one thing I've learned through all this is to never apologize for showing your feelings. When you do, you're apologizing for the truth."

You looked back, "I've never apologized for loving Yoongi, because it was real whether people want to believe it or not."

You sighed, "You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't put the target on my back JB it's been there a while, I'm just sad because now you've got one too."

His heart sank when he realized that you weren't choosing loneliness to protect yourself, you were keeping your distance so he wouldn't get dragged into it.

He placed his large hand over yours as it lay on the counter. "There's only one thing that's going to make me walk away from you." He tipped your chin so you were forced to look into his eyes, "Tell me you don't want me here."

The door chimed, you were no longer alone.

"Like I said yesterday, it's bad business for me to chase away customers, stay as long as you want."

He smiled brightly, "That's not a no."

Taking the Hotteok from the counter you were still unsure, but he was right, it wasn't a no.

………………………

Standing at the bar in the exact spot you'd met him, you'd hoped he'd be here tonight. You felt like a desperate fool with a schoolgirl crush.

Three days had passed since you'd last seen him and despite your best efforts, you found yourself missing him. You hated the way your heart hurt, of course he'd given up why would this be a surprise?

A hand reached around placing a drink on the bar in front of you. "You look like you could use this, still pining over Min Yoongi?"

"Actually I'm waiting for a friend Minho."

"I could be your friend tonight Y/N. I guarantee I can get you to stop thinking about him," he grabbed your ass.

"No thanks, I don't think 5 minutes in your bed will change my world."

He grabbed the drink back, "No wonder he cheated on you, you're such a bitch."

Dumb, Dumb, Dumb...you'd let your guard down and everything was feeling all too personal. Shooting back the last of your Soju you grabbed your jacket and made for the exit.

"You're not leaving when I just got here?"

Your traitorous heart fluttered, "I didn't know I was supposed to be waiting."

His grin got bigger, "Are you mad because maybe you actually missed me a little?"

Mad, sad, who could tell them apart anymore?

"Yeah, actually I am and I'm livid with myself for it."

He put his hand on your waist, "Hey, I'm sorry, I got called for re shoots."

His thumb rubbed over your hip soothingly, "I only have your work number...I just got back and I was hoping you'd be here"

A voice shouted from across the bar "Don't waste your time on that one JB, come sit with us"

You closed your eyes trying to keep the tears at bay, "You heard the man. I'm leaving anyway, I guess I'll see ya around."

Shooting a look at Minho he ran out the door to catch up with you.

Standing at the curb waiting for a cab he reached his hand out to you. "I wanted to be with you tonight, and I'm pretty sure you wanted to be with me. It's still early, let's go somewhere okay, can we still do that?"

Placing your hand in his, "Only if we're alone...and there's alcohol."

He smiled victorious, "I think I know a place."

Walking up the crowded street you felt better, anonymous. He kept squeezing your hand making sure you hadn't slipped away.

"Right here," he stopped in front of a pink neon lit Karaoke Bar.

"Karaoke? I think one of us has an extremely unfair advantage JB."

"Don't worry I'll let you win."

Stepping closer to him you kissed his cheek, "Why are you being so nice to me JB?"

"Y/N, why do you keep questioning my motives?"

His hand ran up your arm, "I hate that you've been mistreated for so long that you don't realize what normal behavior is."

He held the door open for you, "How's a private room and bottle service sound?"

................................

You consumed copious amounts of Grey Goose as you took turns performing for one another. What you lacked in vocal talent you made up for in your ability to mimic choreography.

"I think I've lost my voice," you shouted after your efforts to sing Itzy's Wannabe.

"I'm going to have to tell JYP about you, maybe with some training you can debut next year and come on tour with us," he laughed.

He queued up the next song, "Come here, I want to dance with you."

You moved into his waiting arms and allowed yourself to surrender to his pursuits. His song came on and you laughed, "it's so cheesy Jaebeom-ah!"

He sang anyway,

Our love will lead the way for us

If the road ahead is not so easy

Like a guiding star

I'll be there for you if you should need me

You don't have to change a thing

I love you just the way you are

You let your head rest on his chest, his heartbeat was louder, more important than the words he was singing.

Glad he was holding you up, you felt a little drunk, a little in love and for once, you weren't going to stop yourself.

He kissed the top of your head and held on a little tighter, "So does this mean you'll finally give me your number?"

You looked up at him nodding, locking eyes he moved slowly closer, lips almost touching ...until his phone went off.

He frowned, "Fuck, it's management. Sorry I've got to check in. Just stay in my arms ok?"

"You're going to read texts over my shoulder? How romantic," you jibed, but you didn't break away.

JYP: Dispatch has reached out to us for comment regarding a new dating scandal. They were tipped off that you were with Y/N at Cakeshop Night Club tonight and now they are outside of the Karaoke bar waiting for photos. We need to discuss your intentions immediately. A car will pick you up in 15 mins, wait inside for security. Do not leave the building together as it is still controllable speculation.

You could feel his body react to what he was reading, deep breaths, tensed muscles and finally pulling you in tightly. "What is it J?"

"I've got to get you out of here, the press are outside"

He handed you his phone, "add your number."

But JYPs text was still open and you saw every word.

You keyed in your info and switched it off before handing it back.

You breathed deep, "You know, sneaking in and out of buildings is my specialty," You put your hand over his heart and gave a sad smile.

"Don't worry about me. I'm sure there's a back entrance, I'll just grab a cab home. If you go out the front they'll be too busy taking photos of you, they'll never notice me."

You tried to sound confident and uncaring so he'd do what was best but Jaebeom had his own plan.

"Get your stuff, we're going out the front together."

He pulled your hand through the bar and out the front door. Lights flashed as they took their photos for tomorrow's headlines.

Hailing a cab he leaned over and kissed your lips, "I'm going to call you as soon as I can okay?"

You weren't okay, your first kiss would be your last kiss. Your smile hid the stabbing pain in your heart, you knew it was over before it had started.

"Jaebeom," you called him back after he closed the car door behind you, "It's been a really great time."

He smiled and waved.

Getting into the companies blacked out Suburban he was happy, he was going to stand his ground.

He'd felt bad that your first kiss had been under these circumstances so he opened his phone to text you a quick apology.

Searching the contacts he found your entry, "I'm sorry" with random numbers underneath.

#Jaebeom #jaebum #got 7 #im jaeboem #got 7 jaebeom

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xsecretblastsx · 4 years ago

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2x03 - The Dark Night

I'm actually surprised this recap came out faster than I thought it would, that's rare but I'm glad, also this episode is a fun one, or rather that's how I remember it.

Anyway, as usual recap under the cut:

Thoughts I had while watching the episode:

I know AC is a thing but it's kind of weird to have GG voice over be like: the last days of summer and the heat... and then there's this shot of Chuck drinking scotch in pajamas that look more suited for fall/winter

So I guess we're still on the Dan and Serena can't keep their hands of each other train.

Poor Blair, the Lord ain't into that, gotta love her for mentioning that Atonement scene in the library... she could totally rock that green dress.

Blair a delicate little flower, please. I do like how it's a constant the various fact that all her boyfriends never really got her, and have this fake image of her.

Jenny starring in her own version of the Devil wears prada, slaving it all around NYC

The Nate and the Duchess scene are giving me the creeps.

Compared to her season 1 looks, I'm kind of liking Vanessa's outfits so far.

No one likes to hear the hard truths of life, but Blair's words to Serena about her relationship with Dan were really spot on.

Fun fact about myself: purple is my favorite color. I guess that's why like Chuck's robe even if it makes him look like this weird junior version of Hugh Hefner.

This is the first time we see the minis!!! I loved everytime they popped up like mini cosplayers.

That outfit of Blair is one of my all time faves. Particularly the colors of the skirt

Oh Nate, even if he knows Blair's motives are never pure, he stills accepts her invitation. Go figures.

This has got to be Chuck and Serena's most funny conversation ever. Both of their expressions during the whole thing are hilarious.

"I don't have a romantic body in my body. Least of all that one" Honestly who came up with these lines 😂😂

Looking back there were many sings of how obsessed Dan was with public opinion and his weird behaviors' for example take this throwaway line from Rufus: he still reading those Dan and Serena should they or not threads. Like what?

Dan: turns out I'm an ass but a passionate minority thinks I'm just and idiot. Yep pretty much the public opinion nowadays too.

This is so one of my fave chair lines! "The thing that always fascinated me about you: the cool exterior, the fire below" 😉

The whole scene honestly, from the way her eyes roll back to his smug smile at the end 🔥🔥🔥

Considering what happens in the second half of this season is kind of interesting to note that so far every single interaction between Blair are Nate is really passive aggressive.

Gotta give it to Vanessa even though she's freaked out after finding out Nate is sleeping with Catherine, she stills gives him a chance to explain

That scene between Catherine and Blair was actually good, because they both are right, Catherine can't stop Nate from doing what he wants, and there are things that Blair can't give up on, even if she thinks so.

Is there an emergency box for Serena Van der Woodsen? Well she lives there douche. But even if there was, what's the problem with that?

The whole Jenny & Eleanor storyline makes me feel lowkey sad for Blair, like this epiaode shouldn't Eleanor be at that party? It was parents/students thing, but Eleanor is at her atelier accepting from Jenny the kind of honest commentary she would never take from Blair

It's almost depressing to see Blair throwing herself at that Marcus guy

Chuck's "fake" accent, except it wasn't 🤭

And finally!!! All that pent up sexual frustration had to went somewhere

I'm living of Serena having moments like this one: "Fine, you know what? Life is not fair because it doesn't fit with the way you, Dan Humphrey, think it should be. But why are you always right?" Because this is it, the real crux of it, and why they keep having the same fight

Im so done with the Marcus storyline, because yes she wants his tittle, but she ain't also wrong because he kept treating her in a way that was so meh. Poor Chuck, though, but then again he kind of puts himself into this situations by ignoring his feelings at first and then they explode in his face anyway

I felt for Vanessa the whole episode, not used to that.

This Dan and Serena break up is so frustrating to watch because basically they're ending because Dan just won't meet her halfway. She's not asking him to give up all his ideals, only that he don't judge her for who she is.

I feel like Vanessa was more understanding to Nate's situation than Dan could have ever been with Serena.

For an episode that started quite sunny and happy it sure had a sad ending. Almost everyone ends up feeling pretty miserable.

This episode was one I remember mostly for that Chuck and Blair scene at that party were he's trying to seduce her, also the whole blockade thing was hilarious, this time around however while I still love those Chuck and Blair bits, I did find myself getting more invested in Nate and Vanessa and even more surprisingly on the argument between Dan and Serena, their break up scene really frustrated me.

Let's go first with the Nate, Catherine and Vanessa storyline. This is such a messed up plot, then again most of Nate’s plot that involved his family had a tendency to be that way. I may not like the details sometimes but what I do like about is how these kind of plots really showed the amount of pressure Nate’s family put on him. At this point in the show Nate’s only seventeen and yet he has to find a way to keep his mom’s head above water, so he falls prey to this woman who is just awful. Is no wonder he wanted to be with Vanessa again because she’s literally a breeze of fresh air, so far removed from his messed up world which is exactly what he needs, and yet is inevitable that she gets caught up in all the scheming and nastiness in the end. She lies to him in order to help him which is sad because help him still leaves him as prey to this woman, but that’s what I really like about this plot, Vanessa’s willingness to be there for Nate and also how understanding she was of the situation.

Vanessa, same as Dan, tends to be judgmental of others and comes from a background that has a more black and white view of morality, she was also raised by a family who despises everything the UES side represents. So imagine what it must have been for her to find out that Nate is sleeping with an older woman for money, that goes against her morals and her beliefs, she’s disgusted by the situation, and yet when Nates begs her to let him explain, she does and she ends up while not exactly approving of the situation, he understands why he’s doing it, and she tells hims that this can only bad for him and that whe should stop it, becaause he’s better than this, and she says it mainly because she in fact is concerned about him and see the best in him. This is why I like her relationship with Nate, because I feel they gave each other some needed perspective, through him she learns that not everything is black and why and that’s there a reason of why people does certain things, and through Vanessa Nate’s gets in touch with a much saner world were he can be himself.

On the other hand, we have Dan and Serena, who for the last two episodes have been avoiding the fact that they have issues and they must be faced if they want to move forward, and it’s pretty easy to see why they were putting it off, because the moment they do it obvios that they can’t really solve them. The source of the conflict is the same as always, they keep having the same fight, except to me there’s a difference this time around, at Bart’s brunch and at the wedding Dan’s issues with Serena’s world were also framed with the fact that he discovered something about Serena he feels he can’t deal with, it annoy me both occasions at the Brunch because they had barely met and he was mad because she wasn’t the girl he thought almost as if she had deceive him, and it was like dude you guys met like yesterday, chill. At the wedding he had more of a right to be mad, because she had lied to him a lot, so one could understand his resentment with the UES in the sense that it had shaped Serena to be the kind of person that acts wildly and lies and whatever else he wanted to claimed. This time however he gets mad because the elevator situation serve as reminder of how she’s “more important” than him because she’s part of the 1%. They start arguing literally because they won’t help him as quickly as if she was her. Is it unfair? Yeah, but If we’re goint go be objective about it the mere existence of a 1% priviledge class is unfair to the the other 99%. But that’s life, and the majority of us have to deal with that, and that doesn’t mean we can be assholes to people that have been nice to us.

When he meets Serena he already knows she’s an UES princess, so if he really has a “eat the rich” mentality, why did he got involved with her? And is not like Serena was condecending or mean to him because he wasn’t rich as her, and yet he acts as if he had dated S2 Blair who was an elitist bitch to him every single time they interacted. He may also be not extremely rich as Serena, but he wasn’t poor at all. Correct me if I’m wrong but the kind of loft he lives in, at Dumbo ain’t cheap. So the way Dan acts if he had dated said a girl from a lower income background she had the right to be a total bitch to him, because he was more priviliged? Serena herself says it the best: "Fine, you know what? Life is not fair because it doesn't fit with the way you, Dan Humphrey, think it should be. But why are you always right?” and this is prove that theirs is not a relationship problem, is exclusively a Dan problem. Serena says to him she can’t change who she is, and is not like she’s saying I won’t change the way I act, is not related to that, because their “problem” literally refers to who she is: her last name, the family she was born to. To that Dan says, I can’t change who I am either, and that's the thing Dan! hers is a matter of being, his is a matter of thinking, and she can’t change her family, but you can change the way you think, and it’s not even a drastic change, he doesn’t have to change his ideals, rather just be understanding and accept her for who she is. If one thinks about i Vanessa did a better job with Nate on that topic this episode than Dan ever did, so it can be done, it can be resolved, he just refuses to do it Serena doest thing through the series that definately add to their problems, their parents situation doesn’t help either, but this episode really shows that the root of their issues is Dan.

Finally, there’s Chuck and Blair, who keep having the most amazing chemistry ever, and the sexual tension in their scenes is off the charts. This episode really relays on the fact of the amount of desire they feel for each other, which seems super fitting at this point in the series because while it’s clear they have deep feelings for each other, desire was what first brought them together, yet they both believe this episode that desire isn’t as exclusive as feelings, it’s easier to feel desire and so they think they can easily find it in other people, but what they discover this episode is that sadly that wasn’t the case. In Blair’s case it has to do in part with the fact that Marcus doesn’t really sees her that way, which makes me sad because here she is again dating a guy who refuses to be passionate about her, but even if he did, she’s forcing the passion, is not really there and can she honestly live like that? Like something is missing? Sadly, no. Oh she’s going to try, not only this season in fact, but is never going to fully substitute the one she has with Chuck.

Chuck faces the same issue, in quite a very literal way, which is hilarious. Chuck Bass playboy extraordinarie is suffering from a “blockage”, a very PG-13 way of saying that he can’t get it up, which is obviously a big tragedy for a guy like him, that amuses Serena to no end even if she can’t quite believe it. Anyway, this is the way that Chuck learns that feelings can win over desire, and that ther is more to sex than just a momentary physical pleasure, which is something he really need it to learn. As long as he can frame what he feels for Blair as mere desire, nothing beyond really good chemistry, is easier for him to see his pursuing of her as only a matter of seduction, easier to ingore that it hurts that she’s with someone else, and his regret over the fact that this whole situation was his own doing, at the end he finally admits to himself that is more than seduction, which is why I believe all his plots from here on are more based on getting her to go to him, not because she desires him, but because she needs him. But that’s for the next episode.

Random bits I’ve noticed:

Because later on this show got to the point of being like Chuck had no culture whatsover, and as such Blair couldn’t possibly have any intellectual talk with him, I would like to point out that he mentions madame butterfly as a reference to the Japanesse flight attendant, which means he knows the opera. And I can totally picture him, listening to opera from time to time just because, he’s dramatic and larger than life sometimes. It fits him.

He also mentions Little Lord Fauntleroy which is a children book, and I like to believe he at least got one decent nanny while growing up and that she gave it to him.

Finally a pic of the minis, because I love them

#gossip girl #gossip girl recap #gossip girl rewatch #2x03 #the dark night

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freczeyourbrain · 4 years ago

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{ʾ⁎ ⊰ alexa demie, cis female, she/her ⊱ i think i just saw BETTY RIZZO walk across trafalgar square, singing to WASABI* ( LITTLE MIX ). you know, the TWENTY FOUR year old BARTENDER? people claim that they are just like RIZZO from GREASE**. it must be because they are CONFIDENT and BRASH as well… though i could be wrong. all i know for sure is that they live at CHICAGO*** apartment. ⌝

alexa, play oops i did it again by queen britney spears!!!

yes, it’s me, bringing in this queen herself miss rizzo. below i’m going to list some bullet points about her past, her present, and little facts about her. i am v excited about this kiddo and all the things in my brain about her and as always, feel free to hit me on discord and the dms to plot and what not!!

HERE WE GOOOO! THIS IS THE BIO!

betty christina rizzo was born into the world in a mix of chaos, her mother had decided to leave her father after her second trimester, the question of why had never been answered all her life. even whenever she asked her abuela growing up, she was told to stop prying and be thankful she was here to begin with. it gave her a thick skin, besides, it wasn’t long after she was born that her mother met another man, so at least she had somewhat of a father figure around when he wasn’t drunk out of his mind.

she didn’t grow up in the nicest home, betty lived with her abuela and abuelito, her mother, her step father (if she could even call him that with no ring on her mother’s finger?), and a few cousins. the house was always loud, crazy, reckless...but for some reason, she found peace in the never ending chaos.

her relationship with her step father wasn’t exactly healthy, he was a drunk, a mean one at that and even if she begged her mother to kick him out of their lives...she never could. long story short, she didn’t trust the man, and slowly he began to put a wedge between her and her mother with all the fighting and strain.

in high school, betty decided to start going by her last name, “rizzo”. as a freshman, she entirely rebranded herself. puberty treated her well, but she had always been a “pretty girl”. now that she was older, she was starting to learn that she could use that to her advantage. she was a ruthless flirt, climbing her way up the social ladder fairly quick as she manage to reel in the bad boys of the school with a little bat of her eyes. establishing her own little girl gang, they walked the halls like gods, and she lived for the attention it gave her.

she quickly became a rebel without a cause in school, a common staple of detention and a well known trouble-maker, it wasn’t as if anyone at home was paying attention. the only thing is, rizzo was smart, incredibly so. the amount of times she was told she was wasting her potential by teachers and guidance counselors alike was tiring, she just didn’t care, it wasn’t like she had the money to go to college anyways. her grades were high, but her behavior marks were even higher, rizzo had a mouth on her that just didn’t quit. she didn’t sugar coat things, she was honest to the biggest fault, and people either loved that about her, and hated her for it.

after graduation, it was clear that there was no clear path. soon enough, her mother wanted her out of the house and she knew it was her step father’s idea. funny how a man who couldn’t put a ring on her mother’s finger called the shots on her only child, and after trying to fight it, rizzo gave up. she moved out at eighteen, finding a little apartment to split with her friends still in town, the young girl began to work at a diner in the city to try and pay her bills.

it wasn’t enough, soon she got approached by a night club owner who was in need of a back-up bartender. the first shift she worked, she fell in love. the rush of the crowd, the way she held power behind the bar, they ordered the drinks but she ultimately called the shots. it was like she fell into a groove, she fell in love with the loud music and the environment, and she was a damn good bartender at that.

soon enough, she was the lead bartender at one of the best night clubs in london, a well known face in the service industry...she was making big money with her regulars and packed nights. it was like being a god damn local celebrity at times, no waiting in lines to get into parties, mingling with the elite socialites, rizzo finally found her thing...but she wanted more. she was a fighter, and when she had a dream, it seemed she wouldn’t stop until she got it.

recently, at twenty four, she has started saving money to open up her own little bar. nothing big and flashy, not a night club but a bar. a place that is it’s own little safe haven. a bar run by women, she wants nothing but the hottest and most confident women in town, the name in flashy pink neon lights “pink ladies”...it’s so close she can taste it.

THE FACTS, THE RUN DOWNS, THE CLIFF NOTES:

so yeah, miss rizzo is a little spit fire. she is a sagittarius woman, born december 12th, and she can be a little bit all over the place. while she is a little bit blunt and in your face, deep down she means well under the hard shell.

right now, she’s working on opening her own bar called “pink ladies” where each house cocktail is named after her closest gal pals. it’s sort of like the coyote ugly bar, she wants hotties behind the bar and maybe even an occasional dance or two on the bar-top. she wants it rowdy, fun, and reckless. that’s her goal, that’s her big plan, and BY GOLLY, she’s gonna get there.

rizzo is a RAGING bisexual, point blank and the period. if you give her attention, she’s all in for the ride.

she has some commitment issues, which im guessing stems from her childhood being so crazy, or maybe it’s because of her on and off again relationships in high school. who knows?

i’ll add more but for now, this is what i GOT. come love my crazy little bitchy baby <3

#intro: rizzo.#about: rizzo.#musicalhqs:intro

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numba99 · 5 years ago

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Fatal Attraction Part 3

Part 1 Part 2

Summary: When a mysterious man shows up at your job, you find yourself inexplicably drawn to him - and him to you. But behind the beautiful face is the dark lifestyle of a man who has made his wealth through becoming the most powerful drug dealer in the city. Word count: 2.7k

Song (I already forgot to do this for part 2 so you’r getting the one I meant for that part too) - ... Ready For It? // Taylor Swift & Finally//Beautiful Stranger // Halsey

Warning: mentions of death

Two weeks. Two weeks shouldn’t feel that long but it felt like an eternity. That was how long it had been since you had seen Mika, or even heard from him. You didn’t know what went wrong. When your date got interrupted, you thought you’d get an explanation a few hours later, or at least the next day. You were beginning to wonder if what you witnessed was a lot more serious than it seemed.

A small, overly anxious part of you was afraid that maybe Mika got hurt by the Dimitri guy and that’s what you hadn’t heard from him. You tried to push that thought out of your head, but with each day that went by, it seemed more possible. You didn’t think Mika would be the type to just ghost you, especially after you figured out he was really a coke dealer. You could rat him out if you were mad for all he knew. Not that you would ever do that.

You were pretty desperate for any contact at this point. A simple “im okay,” text would have at least put you at ease. But nothing. Maybe Mika wasn't the guy you thought, you didn’t know him that well, really. Or maybe something really bad happened...

You shook your head at yourself in the cracked mirror in the strip club changing room. You couldn’t let that thought get to you right now. You had a job to do, a shitty job, but a job nonetheless. Rent wasn’t going to pay itself, and you certainly weren’t going to get any tips if you looked all mopey.

So, you stepped out and did your thing. No amount of pep talk, however, could prevent the heaviness in your chest when you looked at where Mika usually sat and found and empty chair. It had be empty for awhile now, but you still weren’t able to shake that little glimmer of hope that you’d look out a find him there, just like old times.

You weren’t quite sure how long you were up there for. It all felt like a daze recently. It could have been 5 songs, maybe 10? You didn’t really know. What you did know was Rick was now excitedly motioning for you, which meant only one thing. Private room booking. The absolute last thing you wanted to do right now.

“There’s my little money maker,” Rick said with his classical sleazy smile.

“Where am I going?” you replied, biting back a gag. You had men look at you nearly naked every night, but something about how Rick looked at you made your stomach churn. He was someone who enjoyed his job way too much.

“Room 2, enjoy,” he replied. You rolled your eyes and walked away quickly; you didn't wanna give him a chance to slap your ass as you left. You seriously hoped this guy would be a big tipped, because it was going to take everything in you to give him a decent show.

When you stepped into the little room, your stomach fell to the floor. “Mika,” you gasped. You couldn’t believe your eyes at first, but it was really him sitting in front of you.

“Hi y/n,” Mika said. Anger bubbled inside you, you marched toward him and gave him a hard shove. He was sitting, so it didn’t really do much, but it was cathartic.

“Hi? You disappear for two weeks and all you can fucking give me is a hi?” you growled. You had to whisper-yell because the walls were thin, but you think he got the point.

“You have every right to be mad at me,” Mika replied calmly. It irritated you more.

“You’re fucking right I do! Do you have any idea what was going through my mind, or do you only care about me when you want a little show?” you snapped, gesturing to the tiny lingerie you wore.

That bothered him. “No y/n, not at all,” he replied sternly, “It’s complicated... but I want to explain.”

“You better,” you huffed, crossing your arms over your chest.

“But not here, it’s not secure enough,” he told you.

“I don’t get off for another hour,” you replied.

“I can get you off now,” Mike replied, reaching for his wallet.

“No, I don’t need you throwing around your money anymore,” you stated, “If you really care, you’ll wait for me. If not it was nice knowing you.” With that, you spun around and left. It left you feeling sort of on a high. It felt good to tell him off, and even though you were annoyed you were glad that he was okay. Now it was just a matter of if he was going to wait.

The next hour went by quickly, to your delight. You hated that you were excited to see Mika. You should be pissed and never want to see him again. While you were still mad at him, you were eager for his explanation. You were hoping all the nagging questions that plagued your brain these last two weeks would finally be answered.

When the hour was up, you found Mika’s car waiting outside. You were happy he waited for you, but you didn’t allow yourself a smile. There was still a lot to be discussed.

“Where are we going?” you asked as you slid into the backseat. You stayed as far from him as the backseat allowed. You didn’t trust yourself around him, not even when annoyed.

“Your place, if that’s okay. We wouldn’t be expected to go there,” Mika replied.

“Expected? By who?” you questioned.

“It will make sense when I explained, just trust me,” Mika urged.

“Alright, fine,” you replied, but this better be good. You gave the driver the address and you started on your way. It was then you realized Chris was not in the front seat. “No sidekick tonight?”

“I thought this conversation would be better for just the two of us.” Mika replied, with a tone in his voice you couldn’t quite place. You suddenly felt a knot form in your stomach. It was that same sort of feeling when a parent said they needed to talk to you.

The car came to a stop before you could have a full blown panic attack about it. Mika followed you silently into your building. The elevator climbed to your floor painfully slowly. Had it always been this slow? You swore it was just trying to torture you now.

“My place is, er, small,” you said as you slipped the key in the lock. Small was an understatement. It was basically a glorified closet with a kitchen and a bathroom. It wasn't much at all, but it was yours and yours alone, which was a difficult feat in Manhattan. You were proud of it, and its many, many flaws.

“I don’t mind,” Mika replied as you shut the door behind the two of you. You led him to the couch, feeling your palms get a sweaty as you waited for him to begin.

“So?” you prompted.

“I don't even know where to begin,” Mika sighed.

“Well how about you begin with whatever happened at that bar you took me too. With that guy, um, Dimitri?” Mika tensed at his name.

“I’m still really sorry I put you in that situation,” Mika sighed.

“It’s fine Mika, just tell me what’s the matter,” you replied, gently touching his thigh for reassurance.

“Alright well like I told you, I basically oversee all the coke that comes into the city,” he began, “It’s been like that for a while now. Dimitri used to work for me, we were close, actually. I considered him a friend, but he betrayed me. He left me to run with the Russians.”

“The Russians?” you questioned.

“They’re my rival I guess you could say,” Mika answered, “They’re the seconded biggest group of coke dealers in the city, though they really don’t have anything on the flow I have coming in. Dimitri has been trying to one up me ever since he left.”

“Why’d he leave?”

Mika shrugged, “Could have been anything. He wanted more money, more power I’m guessing. He always wanted to call the shots but at the end of the day everyone answered to me, just like the answered to my father. He started this all and I inherited it from him when he-” Mika stopped mid-sentence, like the words got stuck in his throat.

“What happened to him?” you probed gently, you scooted closer to him, sensing he wasn’t about to tell you a feel good story.

“He was killed, not by Dimitri’s hand, but he was the one who put the hit out. He thought with my father gone he would easily be able to take the empire from me. Clearly he he had no idea who he was dealing with,” Mika said bitterly.

“Mika I’m so sorry,” you replied, wrapping and arm around him. He was trying to be strong, but it hurt him, you could see that.

“It’s alright. I killed the man who pulled the trigger and have been making Dimitri’s life a living hell ever since,” Mika replied. He paused, giving you a cautious look. “I’m sorry, I hope I’m not scaring you.”

“I’m not afraid of you Mika,” you replied firmly. At least that answered your question from your last date.

“You should be,” Mika replied, “You should be afraid to be anywhere near me.”

“Why?”

“Why?” Mika incredulously, “Did you not hear what I just told you?”

“I heard you but I don’t see how that should make me afraid to be with you. You kept me safe,” you reminded him.

“We got lucky,” Mika replied, “If Dimitri had seen you, if he knew that I cared about you, you’d never be safe again. He’d do anything to hurt me y/n, including killing everyone I care about if he can. Hell, he’d start going after the people you care about. Your friends, your parents.”

His last words stung, not that he could know why. “He’d too late,” you mumbled.

“What do you mean?” Mika asked.

Your anxiety spiked, just as it always did when you had to tell the story. It never got easier. “My parents were killed,” you told him, “Just a few years ago. They were walking home late at night and two guys tried to rob them. They put up a fight and they both got shot.”

“I’m sorry y/n I didn’t know,” Mika said softly.

“It’s fine, you had no way of knowing,” you replied.

“Did they catch who did it?” Mika asked.

“Yes, but only one of them got jail time. The one that gave up the other’s name got a plea bargain. He says the other one pulled the trigger, but really I have no way of knowing. For all I know, the guy who killed both my parents is still walking the streets today,” you explained, a chill going down your spine as you finished.

“What's his name?” Mika asked, his face etched with anger.

You could never forget it, “Thomas Holmes. As long as he’s around, I don’t feel safe, not really. So I’m sorry Mika, if you don't want me around you’re gonna have to think of something more creative.”

“I hate that you have to feel like that, that someone did that to you,” Mika replied, frowning.

“That’s life, I guess,” you tried to make it come out like a joke, but it wasn’t very convincing. Everything about what happened to you sucked.

“Do you have any other family?” Mika asked. You just now realized his hand was holding yours.

“No, my parents were only children and my grandparents passed when I was younger,” you told him, “I was in college when it happened. I had some friends from that and I tried to keep going, but it was too much. It kinda sucks when you walk in the room and suck the whole life out of it because no one knows what to say to the girl with two dead parents. So I dropped out and that's how I ended up stripping.”

“I’m sorry,” Mika repeated, squeezing your hand.

“We aren't so different I guess,” you said.

“No you’re nothing like me,” Mika shook his head, “Nothing good will come of being with me.”

“That’s not your decision to make, Mika,” you replied sternly, “Like I said, if you really want me gone then just say it, but I’m not backing down because you’re scared for me. I think I’ve proven by now I have a good head on my shoulders.”

“Your life’s not gonna be the same.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, “At this point I’m sorta used to life altering events.”

“There will be somethings we have to go over,” Mika said.

“Blah, blah, blah, we can go over your rules later,” you teased, but then added more seriously, “I just wanna be yours, Mika. I don’t care what I have to do.”

Mika leaned in close to you, his forehead pressing against yours. You breathed in his familiar scent, immediately making heart race. “You’re mine, y/n,” Mika murmured, “And I’m yours.” His hand found your cheek and the next thing you knew, his lips were pressed to yours.

You hated cliches, but there was no other way to describe how it felt to kiss him but fireworks. It was weird, Mika was still somewhat of a stranger to you, but you never felt so secure with someone. It was like you’ve known him your whole life.

“You’re crazy, you know that right?” Mika said breathlessly. It was the first time you saw him smile all night.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” you raise a brow.

“Bad for you, good for me I guess,” he teased.

“Very good for you,” you replied, pulling him in for a kiss another kiss. You tangled your hands through his hair, sliding on to his lap. You nipped at his lower lip before slipping your tongue in his mouth. You could kiss him for hours, you thought, you never felt anything so intoxicating. And if just this was good...

“Not tonight,” Mika pulled away as you reached for his pants.

“Why not?” you pouted.

“We should take things slow, I want it to be special,” Mika told you, pushing a lock of hair out of your eyes.

“What my ripped up secondhand couch isn’t special enough for you?” you feigned offense.

Mika laughed, “I love your couch. I just wanna do this right.”

You nodded, “Alright, I can be patient. But will you stay the night?” The thought of him leaving now, even if it was just for the night made your heart hurt.

“Sure baby, I’ll stay,” he replied, his hand on the back of your neck as he placed a gentle kiss on your forehead. “Let me just call the driver and let him know hes free to go. I’ll meet you in the bedroom?”

“Sure, if you get lost, just call my name I’ll come get you,” you joked as you hopped up. Mika smiled, pulling you for another kiss before letting you go. You scurried into your room, changing into the cutest pair of pjs you had. You got into bed, laughing to yourself at the thought of Mika having to squeeze into you little twin size bed with you.

A few minutes later Mika came in. “We’re all good,” he told you.

“I’d offer you something to sleep in, but I don’t think anything I have would fit,” you said.

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry,” Mika replied. With that he began to strip. Sure, he only went down to his boxers and the tank under his shirt, but it was more than enough to make your lower stomach churn. You’re taking it slow, you’re taking it slow, you’re taking it slow.

“Sorry the bed’s so small,” you said you lifted the covers for him to get in. It was a tight fit and you were practically on top of him, not that you minded.

“It’s alright it’s... cozy,” he smiled, gently running his fingers along your face. He was quiet for a few minutes before adding, “Would it weird you out if I said I thought about being like this with you a lot?”

You shook your head, “Not at all.” The thought gave you butterflies.

Mika smiled, giving you one last kiss, “Goodnight, y/n.”

“Goodnight, Mika,” you replied, settling into his chest. You didn't know how to explain it, but in that moment you knew without a shadow of a doubt that you and Mika were destined to be with each other.

#fatal attraction #m zibanejad #mika zibanejad imagine #mika zibanejad smut #nhl fanfiction #nhl imagines #new york rangers imagine

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