#and im pRETTY sure that messed me the fuCK up

[hiiikiko]

𝖘𝖜𝖊𝖊𝖙 𝖆𝖘 𝖈𝖆𝖓 𝖇𝖊

porn with plot??, bully!ellie x reader (kinda rushed lmao my bad y’all)

tw: bully x victim dynamic, sadistic and masochistic notes, cnc (?), exhibitionism, heavy degradation, slight praise and probably a few more lmao idk im not woke enough for this/j

pt. 1 of sweet as can be | tlou m.list

The events that transpired yesterday felt like a hazy dream.. especially now as Ellie slams you into a locker, her eyes fully of anger and disgust with a wolffish grin spreading across her face.

Maybe you were stupid to expect that after what happened yesterday, she’d treat you better… maybe even start dating you.. but those daydreams are quickly wiped from your mind as she picks you up by the collar of your shirt and slams again, the locker letting out a rattle into the now empty hallway.

“God, you’re pathetic,” she rasps out, “You think just because we fucked that I give a shit about you?” her lips brush against a mark she left on your neck, “You that desperate for human connection?”

You hang your head in shame and shake your head, words of protest not being able to leave your glossed lips. You feel so dumb, you actually dressed up more than usual today, wearing a shorter skirt, a cute sweater, hair curled to perfection and swiping a pretty sparkly pink gloss along your lips.

Ellie laughs cruelly, “Aw, you gonna cry?” She lowers her head so that she can look up into your teary eyes, her scarred hand reaching up to brush your hair out of your face, “Come on then, cry for me.”

You sniffle and weakly try to push her away.

Ellie begins to say something again but is interrupted by the sound of heels coming down the hall, she groans and rolls her eyes, pulling you along by your shirt collar and into the girls locker room.

“What are you doin—?”

Ellie clasps a hand over your mouth, “God, do you ever shut the fuck up? I’m not done with you yet,” she scoffs and looks towards the door for any sign that a teacher might enter.

‘Not done with me yet? The heck does that mean..’ you think to yourself.. millions of possibilities come to mind, maybe she’ll fuck you like last time or maybe she’ll push you into the showers again… you’re not exactly sure which you would prefer at this point.

Ellie furrows her brows as she lowers her gaze to you, you’re obviously lost in thought, she can’t help but let out a soft chuckle at the way you unknowingly bite your lip, a habit of yours that she’s noticed. Before Ellie can stop herself, she brings her hand to your lip and grazes her thumb over it, causing you to snap out of your thoughts.

Your eyes widen at the weirdly gentle caress and your brows furrow in confusion.

“You were doing that annoying thing with your lips,” Ellie manages to scoff out, pushing your head away from her hand.

You let out a whine as she pushes you again.

She laughs hoarsely at your whine, “What did you like the way I touched you?”

“W-What?! O-Of course not!” you stutter out and back up against a bathroom stall.

“You’re a pretty shitty liar,” she takes a step closer and grabs your chin, “That whine you let out sounded pretty disappointed, huh?”

Her grip on your chin is sure to leave bruises, “I-I’m not disappointed!”

She rolls her eyes and before you could snap back at her, she sticks her fingers into your mouth, “Finally found a good use for your mouth,” she laughs.

Your eyes narrow with anger but as much as you’d like to bite her hand, you know better, Ellie is way stronger than you.

“You’re not even fighting back,” she grins and shoves her fingers deeper into your mouth, causing you to gag a bit, tears once again pricking your eyes and causing your mascara to run, “Ha, I bet you like this.”

You cry and do your best to shake your head without her fingers leaving your lips.

“Aw, crying again? I’ve barely even started,” she laughs and pulls her fingers out of your mouth, she grabs your chin and forces you to look up into her pretty emerald eyes, “God, you’re such a mess,” her lips curl into a smirk.

You can’t find it within you to say anything back.

“Come on, that’s all you got? You’re even weaker than I thought,” she giggles cruelly.

“Just leave me alone,” you whimper pathetically.

Ellie rolls her eyes again, “Come on, you know I can’t do that, you’re too much fun.”

“Why not!” you practically yell.

Her eyes dart to the door and she slaps a hand over your mouth again, “Hey, hey, be quiet.”

The two of you go white with fear as you hear the clacking of hills get closer.

Ellie groans quietly and pulls you into the bathroom stall, lowering her voice to a whisper she says, “Now look what you did,” she shoots you a mean glare, one that almost makes your knees buckle.

“I-I’m sorry!” you whisper yell.

“Yeah? I’ll show you how sorry you’ll be,” she pushes you up against the stall door and flips your skirt up, revealing your embarrassingly cute panties. pink panties with little strawberries on them and a bow in the front, “These are cute,” she mutters softly and parts your legs with her foot.

Your face flushes a deep red, “H-Hey, knock it off, what if someone hears!” you whine quietly.

“Just be quiet and nobody’ll find us,” she says in an annoyed manner, though you can’t see it, a small smile dances on her pretty lips, part of her secretly happy that you didn’t tell her to stop or to get off you.

You open your mouth to say something but you’re interrupted by the feeling of her calloused fingers plunging into your sopping wet cunt, “I knew you liked this,” she whispers into your ear, her chest pressed firmly against your back as she moves her fingers in and out.

“I-I don’t,” you whimper a little too loudly, “You—.”

“Shut up,” she growls into your ear quietly and shoves two fingers back into your mouth, the sound of the locker room door opening and the sound of heels clacking through the dimly lit room.

“Hello, anyone in here?”

Ellie’s wolffish grin spreads over her face again as she speeds her fingers up, curling them to brush against that sweet sensitive spot within you. Your whines are choked against her fingers, tears streaming down your face from the utter humiliation at the thought of being caught. You couldn’t risk it, you were a model student, a ‘nerd’ as Ellie liked to call you.. you had straight A’s, a clean record, and all the teacher’s looked at you with adoration… the thought of being caught in this type of position with your bully’s fingers plunged deep inside your embarrassingly wet cunt.. it honestly made you a little bit more horny.

Ellie lets out a deep chuckle, “Fuck, you’re clenching around me. You like the idea of being caught, hm? The teacher’s pet likes the idea of being caught taken advantage of by her big, scary bully? Fucking perv.”

Another muffled whine escapes your lips and tears stream down your cheeks.

“I always knew you were too fucking perfect, too sweet.. guess you are a perv, huh?” she moves her lips along your neck, “first you let me fuck you, pin you down on my bed and ram my strap into that pretty hole and now you’re letting me finger you at school? Am I that much of a bad influence on you?”

You can’t help but clench around her long fingers as she recalls yesterday’s events.

She pulls her fingers out from your mouth and wraps the still wet fingers around your neck.

“Go on, let those pretty cries out, you want them to hear how good I fuck you, right?” you can feel her gaze on the back of your head as she bends you over and pushes your chest against the bathroom stall.

“N-No,” you try to stay quiet but ultimately fail, that little ‘no’ of yours, bounces off the walls and into the ears of the teacher across the room.

“I can hear you,” the teacher sighs, “Come on out, I don’t got time for this.”

Your eyes are blown wide with fear but Ellie just laughs against your ear, “You hear her? Come on, don’t act like you don’t like it, you’re practically sucking my fingers in.”

You shake your head and clasp a hand over your mouth.

Ellie scoffs in annoyance and grabs your hand, pinning it behind your back, “Nah, don’t do that,” she chuckles.

You try your best to be quiet, little whimpers slipping past your lips as Ellie’s fingers speed up and slam into you, your eyes squeezed shut as you pray to any god that’ll answer your prayers to not let the two of you get caught.

“Stop tensing up, it’s making it hard to move,” she chuckles against your ear, her hands still moving at that unbearingly harsh speed, “Don’t know why you’re so scared, all you gotta do is keep that pretty mouth shut,” she says in a condescendingly concerned tone, the smirk on her lips betraying it.

“F-Fuck y-you,” you try to whisper but your words come out in choppy whimpers, a result of her adding another finger.

“These damn kids,” the teacher grumbled, her heels clacking closer.

For a moment, you can see an expression of worry and uncertainty flicker over Ellie’s gentle facial features, the scar on her brow becoming more prominent as she furrows them, “Shut up,” she covers your mouth and stops moving her fingers, a small wave of disappointment washes over you.

Ellie listens closely until the heels clack away and the door to the locker room clicks shut, still she waits a few more minutes to make sure that the teacher really is gone.

She dryly laughs, “You almost got us caught there.”

Her fingers speed up again, her free hand running down your stomach to rub your aching clit. The sensation of her rough fingers rubbing slow circles causes your brain to short circuit, the only thing on your mind now is the girl ramming her fingers into your greedy hole and whispering dirty words against your neck.

Before you know it, you’re unraveling around her fingers, her fingers don’t stop moving as you ride out your orgasm, if anything, they speed up again. She bites back a soft moan at the way you tighten up around her fingers, the sight of you beneath her once again sends a wave of desire through her already lust filled body.

“Good girl,” she mutters against your neck, “See, that wasn’t so bad was it? I knew you’d like it, perv.”

[agaypanic]

Buzzed by Cupid (Regina George X Reader Smut)

Kinktober Masterlist | Regular Masterlist | Request Something! | AO3

Kinktober Day 5: Vibrator

Summary: Seeing that Valentine’s Day falls on a Wednesday, Regina decides that you and her should wear matching pink outfits. But your outfit comes with a little surprise that has you squirming.

A/N: ignore the fact that im posting a kinktober fic in february…. modern au bc the vibrator is remote/phone controlled, but can be read with either rachel or renee’s regina in mind

C/W: use of vibrator (duh lol), fingering (reader!receiving), semi public sex, degrading, orgasm denial, some pussy slapping

***

You and Regina loved Valentine’s Day. Mainly Regina, because she loved getting presents and tokens of affection. But you enjoyed the holiday just as much because it was a whole day about love and being with your special someone. And you loved being with Regina.

Being the fashionable yet controlling girl she is, Regina demanded to pick out your outfit for Valentine’s Day. You said yes, thinking it wasn’t a big deal and that she’d get upset if you said no. How much trouble could an outfit cause?

Apparently, a lot.

Regina picked you up and when you settled in the car, you realized she was wearing the same pink outfit as you. “Aww, we’re matching!”

“Duh,” Regina said with a flat tone and a teasing smile. She reached over the center console to kiss you, transferring some of her lip gloss to your lips. “Happy Valentine’s.”

You grinned, kissing her cheek before she could fully pull away. “Happy Valentine’s.”

The drive to school was pretty tame. You and Regina made some light conversation while blasting music. It felt a bit strange without Gretchen and Karen in the back, but you weren’t about to complain about having alone time with your girlfriend.

“So,” Regina took a sip of her drink, eyes focused on the road. “How do you like your new outfit?”

“I love it.” You respond, giving her a bright smile even though she couldn’t really see you. “I think it’s cute.”

“A cute outfit for a cute girl.” She murmured.

Soon enough, you reach the school. When Regina parked the car, she looked over at you. She wore an innocent look, convincing you that she was up to something.

“You wanna know something about your outfit?” She asked, reaching for her purse in the backseat. Regina maintained eye contact with you, waiting for a reaction.

You raised an eyebrow, wondering where this was leading. “Sure?” Regina smiled mischievously. “Why are you looking at me like- oh!”

Jolting in your seat like you had just been shocked, you gripped your armrest and squirmed as you felt a buzzing sensation on your clit. But no matter how much you moved, the feeling followed.

“Ah, ah~” You started bucking your hips, grinding down on the seat to get more friction. Regina smiled devilishly, obviously enjoying your little display. “Regina, what- mmph, what is that?”

Suddenly, the vibration strengthened, making you squeal in arousal and surprise. You arched your back off the seat, and Regina took this opportunity to start kissing your chest, which was being shown off by the plunging neckline of your shirt. Her lips alternated between sweet pecks and aggressive bites, trailing up the valley of your breasts to the base of your neck.

When Regina’s free hand reached under your skirt to cup your pussy, you were a mess. She let you hump her hand, crying in desperation as you chased your high. “What a needy slut.” She muttered, lips almost touching your ear with how close she was. “Practically fucking my hand, baby. You don’t care who sees you like this, huh? Just a little whore.”

You nodded, panting heavily as the vibrator in your panties pressed against your clit just right. Apparently, that wasn’t good enough for Regina.

Regina slapped your sensitive cunt, causing you to let out a strangled moan. “Say it.”

“I’m a little whore.”

Slap.

“Who’s whore?”

“Yours.”

Slap.

“My what?”

“Your whore.”

Slap.

“Louder.”

“Your whore!” You squealed, feeling yourself get so close to the edge. You repeated the words like a mantra, grinding against Regina’s hand and the vibrator. “Your whore, ’m your whore, all yours, Regina. God, ’m gonna fucking-”

A wailing cry left your lips, and your body trembled. In an instant, the only thing you could feel was your heartbeat in your pussy, twitching from the sudden lack of attention.

“Regina!” You whined like a child, pressing your legs tightly to find relief. But your girlfriend quickly put a stop to it, sliding her hand between your thighs and prying your legs apart. 

“What? Did you think I was gonna let you come?” Regina laughed at the idea, flipping up your skirt. The action suddenly made you shy, and you quickly looked around to see if anyone was nearby. Regina laughed again. “Oh, now you’re worried about people seeing you like this?”

With movement as slow as molasses, Regina dipped her hand beneath the waistband of your panties. Her fingertip grazed your pulsing clit, making you moan. She continued her path downward, tracing your lower lips until she was prodding at your hole.

“Oh my god, Y/n, you’re so wet.” She said as if she had no idea what could’ve caused it. “I bet I could slide my fingers right in. What do you think?” You could feel the tip of her finger slowly enter your pussy, not stopping until she was knuckle deep inside you. Regina gasped in faux surprise. “Wow! You take me so well, baby. I bet you could take another finger. Can you?”

You nodded furiously, itching with anticipation. Your eyes fluttered shut when your girlfriend stretched your hole with another finger. Her snail-slow pace didn’t last long; Regina was too eager to fuck you. The whimpers and moans egged her on to adapt a rough and sporadic pace. Thanks to your sensitivity from the vibrator, it didn’t take very long for you to reach the edge. 

“Aw, are you gonna come for me, baby?” Regina cooed, and you made sounds of affirmation.

So why did Regina decide to take her fingers away?

You were quickly frustrated about the sudden lack of stimulation. You squirmed around, whining at your girlfriend. But while you had a trembling lip and lust-filled eyes, Regina had a wicked grin and eyebrows raised in amusement.

“Oh, come on, you didn’t think I’d let you come just like that, did you?” She asked, talking in a slightly condescending tone. You nodded slowly, confused about why she wouldn’t let you. “I gotta keep you wet and ready for tonight, honey. Now hurry up and fix yourself before we miss first period.”

With your mind too hazy to react, you just stared at Regina. She was so calm and collected while grabbing her things, it seemed like she hadn’t just been fingering you into oblivion. 

A very sudden and short vibration took you out of your jaded state, and without thinking, you moaned and bucked your hips.

“You’re gonna have to be a good girl for me, Y/n,” Regina said, cupping your cheek. “You don’t want anyone to know how much of a slut you are for me, right?” She nodded your head for you and smiled at your dazed look. “Good. Hope you like your present. I can’t wait to use it today.”

With shaky legs, you got out of the car and started walking to class. Every few seconds, Regina sent an intense buzz to your pussy, reminding you of the long day you had ahead of you.

***

Regina George Taglist: @wedfan2 @pyro-les @natashamaximoff-69

[artstennisracket]

i neeeeed artrick dom/sub dynamic in my life. art and pat own each other in such a unique way and i feel like that translates over to intimacy as well. not necessarily in a way where one is always in charge, i think it kinda goes both ways. i’m not articulating this well but still

i trust you to get the vision.

i’m picking up what ur putting down anon😉, I hope you likeeeee :)

cw: dom/sub undertones but now that im really looking at it idek if i did this prompt correctly😭 and there’s no smut in this

*just realized this prompt literally states intimacy im so sorry anon I will work on a part 2

Patrick and Art have a been a package deal since they started the academy. After they became roommates that fateful day, they’ve been inseparable.

Most people would describe their relationship as…honestly pretty gay tbh. But Art and Patrick didn’t have to explain themselves to anyone. Sure they cuddled to go to sleep sometimes, and maybe there were like two times (ten times) they’ve masturbated together. Other than that they consider themselves your stereotypical best friends.

But there was certain dynamics in play. Of course they were subliminal, never outspoken. Art and Patrick had a very unique understanding of each other that transcended verbal communication.

There was a time when Art was being really indecisive of what shirt he wanted to wear to go see his girlfriend later. He was wearing his tiny little briefs, damp curls sticking to his forehead. He felt like he had gone through every single shirt he owned but none of them felt good enough.

Patrick walked out the bathroom, observing the mess Art had made with his clothes everywhere. Patrick smirked as he walked over to their bed picking up a blue polo and holding it up for Art.

“wear this one,” Patrick tilts his head to the side like he’s trying to envision Art wearing the shirt, “brings out your eyes.”

Now what the fuck does Patrick know about fashion. Art scoffs, “yeah sure, whatever,” as he pulls the polo on over his head.

Art can be really indecisive at times, his mind running 10 miles a minute. Now every time he starts to spiral, overthinking about what he should wear, Patrick will just pick his clothes out for him. Even though Art would always make a dismissive remark about how he can pick his own clothes, he did really appreciate Patrick doing it for him. Sometimes he really just needed someone to make a decision for him but he’d never say that out loud. Especially when they had to pick places to go out to eat it was like pulling teeth.

“i don’t know where i wanna go man, i’m good with whatever.” Art shrugs.

Patrick groans, “that doesn’t fucking help, there’s a million places we could go and i know if I suggest something you don’t like you’re just going to complain.”

Art lets out an exasperated sigh falling back onto their bed, “can you please just pick something for me?”

Now that was a first. Art never usually just says he wants Patrick to choose. Maybe it’s because they just shared a joint. Since he was nice enough to ask, Patrick indulges and drives them to get subs at the nearest sandwich shop.

Patrick picked up on how indecisive Art actually is years ago and sometimes he’ll tease Art about it, but he always ends up giving in and making the decision when he knows Art can’t. That means that almost anytime they go out to eat Patrick has to choose. Even when they eat in the cafeteria and Art can’t decide between a chicken sandwich and pizza, Patrick chooses for him. And in return Art would order extra of whatever he’s eating so that Patrick could have some too.

Patrick was like a black hole. He could eat an entire box of pizza if it came down to it. Art didn’t really care because he doesn’t always finish his own food so he’d give the rest to Patrick. That way there’s no waste. Or when Art takes the pickles off his burger, Patrick would be right there ready to eat them up.

So even though Art never expresses appreciation verbally, Patrick knew deep down Art did appreciate it and would go with whatever decision Patrick would make.

There were also times when Patrick needed Art too though.

Patrick wasn’t the best at time management. Between practice and school, sometimes he would forgot to study or do his homework on time. But if his grades fall below a B he won’t be able to do tennis anymore, so Art made sure that wouldn’t happen.

They had a system where Art wouldn’t speak to Patrick until all his work was finished (unless he needed help with it). It was hard at first.

“you’re really not gonna talk to me?” Patrick asks, dropping his backpack onto the floor.

Art nods from where he’s sitting on their bed reading a book.

Patrick scoffs before he toes off his shoes. He climbs onto their bed snatching Art’s book from him. “c’mon its just homework blondie, i promise i can get it done without the silent treatment”

Art looks at him, raising one eyebrow before he shakes his head no, crossing his arms over his chest.

Patrick smirks pointing to himself, “really? you’re gonna say no to this face?”

Art scoffs laughing and nods again as he messes up Patrick’s hair and pushes his head away.

Patrick groans getting off the bed to make his way to his desk and setting up his homework.

It wasn’t ideal but it was the only way Art could get him to actually do his homework. If Patrick can’t get distracted talking a mile a minute, then he could focus on homework. No video games, no TV, no leaving, just Patrick and his homework.

It took Patrick so long to adjust to but eventually it started working like a charm. Patrick would be done with his homework within the hour and everything could go back to normal.

Going home for break was always rough for them since being apart was difficult. But it was particularly rough for Patrick because going home meant being in the same place as his father.

Patrick had been fighting with his father for as long as he can remember. Always standing up for himself since nobody else would. He wasn’t sure why his dad always hated him without reason but after Patrick’s sister had outed him to their parents after he confided in her in confidence, his dad had made it his personal mission to make Patrick very aware how he feels about Patrick’s “lifestyle choices”.

So going home was hell, especially when Art couldn’t come home with him. Art’s grandma’s birthday was coming up and Art’s parents wanted to go visit her so Art had decided to go home for break instead of going with Patrick.

Art was no stranger to receiving calls from Patrick about his dad, it happened every single time they went home for any type of break during school. Most times it was Patrick being very angry and Art would calm him down so Patrick wouldn’t doing anything rash. Other times it was Patrick on the brink of tears over something disrespectful his dad said to him.

Over the course of break, Patrick would get into multiple screaming matches his dad and every single time he would find himself on the phone with Art shortly after. Confiding in Art so he wouldn’t have a breakdown every time. But there was a particular fight that put Patrick over the edge.

ring ring

“hey man, what’s up?” Art asks.

Patrick goes to start his sentence but can feel himself on the brink of tears. He didn’t want to cry right now. He takes a deep breath, his voice wavering, “i can’t stay here anymore.”

Art can hear the hurt in Patrick’s voice and his face visibly softens. His takes a beat before he says, “what did he do?”

Patrick looks up to his ceiling, blinking back the tears that threaten to escape, “i cant—,” his voice cracks, “i don’t want to stay where im not wanted. you didn’t see the way—” and that’s all it really take for the flood gates to open. Patrick is crying full force now because all he can think about is how much his dad actually hates him.

Before it was more subtle but now it was outright. In their last fight his dad had ended it by saying, and if you think i’m going to ever publicly support having a faggot son you got another thing coming. as a matter of fact, i don’t even have a son at all anymore. get out of my sight.

It wasn’t even the words that broke Patrick, it was the way his dad looked at him. A lot of emotions were written across his face like anger and disgust, but his eyes? It was as if he was looking through Patrick, like Patrick didn’t exist. Like he didn’t care if Patrick lived or died. Like he was nothing.

“art i cant— i just cant stay here.” Patrick chokes out between sobs.

“hey, hey, its okay. do you want me to come? you can stay with us for the rest of break.” Art responds softly. Luckily they only live about 4 hours away from each other. But Art has already started driving speeding from the second Patrick called him so there’s maybe about 3 and a half hours left to go.

Patrick nods forgetting Art cant see him. He sniffles, “please.”

“m’ already on my way but we can stay on the phone until i get there. but now im gonna need you to do something for me. can you take some deep breaths for me?”

Patrick nods again, using his hands to wipe the tears from his face. They take a few deep breaths together, Art coaching Patrick through it and counting out loud.

“you did a really good job, now i want you to drink some water and pack your stuff okay?”

Patrick packed his bag and they stayed on the phone until Art came and picked him up. Art would listen to Patrick rant about his dad a thousand times over if it meant Patrick would actually feel even the tiniest bit better afterwards. But he would always be there for Patrick no matter what. He would walk though hell and back if it meant Patrick would be okay.

When they got back to Art’s house Art made sure to do everything he could to turn Patrick’s brain off so he wouldn’t think about his dad anymore. They played video games, watched movies, and ordered food.

That night they cuddled in Art’s bed. Patrick’s head rested on Art’s chest while Art mindlessly played with Patrick’s curls until he fell asleep.

[s0fter-sin]

has anyone written a shameless x cod crossover bc i don’t know how to explain it but that’s exactly how i see the 141

[xxplastic-cubexx]

As another Magneto player honestly if I'm up against a Wolverine and I think he's gonna get me I try and hold my ult to solo ult him when he's trying to jump me. Might not kill him but it gives me a headstart.

solo ulting a wolverine is crazy but honestly depending on the situation fair enough 😭

[quietwingsinthesky]

if supernatural was any good, they would have had mary and lucifer sleep together in the apocalypse world. this would have solved zero problems with the show, but it would have created a hundred more interesting ones than they already had.

[moneygoblin04]

I am stressed, and I am on edge, and I feel like I'm actually, legitimately reaching my limit. It's kinda funny how my mom was the one to push me there

[arolesbianism]

Finally fixating on some nugget relationships that aren't horrible for everyone I love friendship <3

[orcelito]

Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍

Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.

But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.

I do need to eat. But... later...

[hungrydolphin91]

Making my very first poll to ask the important questions here

[bisaster-energy]

think i'd actually rather die than read another fic where the main plot point is cas trying to make up for something "bad" he did

[digestionmachine]

colorado trail near cottonwood pass, june 2022

[kawaiianimeredhead]

Leaving for a small vacation tomorrow and I saved way too much shit to last

And I did a lot of laundry to make sure I had a lot of clothing options and it's near all the laundry and it's too much actually

I put most of it away but there's so fucking much too choose from I need a between nothing and too much option lmao

[inbabylontheywept]

bad dating stories time: the shoe incident

so in highschool, my best friend wasnt allowed to go on dates unless there was another couple there to keep an eye on him. part of this was his parents being insane, but also, part of it was him being insane. in a problem with no reasonable parties, there are no reasonable solutions.

at some point in my junior year, my sorta-gf broke up with me, and i just wasnt feeling dating, which was bad for my friend, because he had a good thing going with a girl he met in court.

he kind of hounded me about it. kept pushing me to just put me feet back in the dating pool and i wasnt real thrilled about it, because i knew he was pushing me for his own benefit, not mine, so i kept telling him to fuck off, and after a few weeks of being told that i would date when i was damn well ready, he eventually said: okay. what if i paid for the date AND found you a blind date AND all you had to do was show up?

and i shouldve said no, i know, but i let him wear me down, and i will own my fault in that. a date starting on such a stupid premise could never have gone well.

but he still managed to find a way to make it worse.

i dont know how long he tried to set a blind date up. it couldve been multiple attempts. he couldve stooped to this immediately. but what happened in the end was that he called a girl from the ward he attended - a girl that he knew had a giant, mushy crush on him - and he said: hey! how would you feel about going on a date this weekend?

(you know, implying it was with him, but never actually saying it.)

and she said YES WOW I WOULD LOVE TO and he said great! and then he called me up and said he found me a date.

i did not learn about his crimes until several weeks later. i will die swearing before god almighty that i would never have allowed this travesty to happen if i had known.

that was on a monday. the date of the date rolled around that friday evening, and im sorry to confess, i really phoned the whole thing in. i showed up in my favorite comfy outfit, which was also a fashion crime: basketball shorts and flipflops and a baja hoodie. it was super comfy but it made me look kind of crazy. i picked him up first, and then i picked up his date next, and then we went to pick up my date, and thats where you're gonna get the play by play.

i arrived, walked across the yard, and knocked on the front door. she opened it almost immediately, like shed been waiting right by it, and i could see her expression go from OMG IM SO EXCITED to super disappointed, then disgusted and finally pissed. and because i didn't know about my friends sins, i thought it was from my outfit. which seemed... harsh. like, hey, im allowed to be quirky, fuck you. also its a blind date, i thought the deal was that we were both going to be sad broken sacks of mortality.

anyway, we looked at each other for several seconds before she slammed the door in my face.

i looked back at my friend. he was sweating bullets. i dont know what he expected from this, but there was this big long pause where we both tried to figure out what to do, and then the door opened up, and her dad invited me in, and he said she was gonna need a few minutes to finish getting ready, and that in the meantime we could sit and talk.

we did not talk. we did sit. i sat down on the couch, and he sat down in a chair across the couch, and then instead of talking he cleaned his pistol on the coffee table. i wasnt actually sure if it was a threat, or if it was just a fidget thing for 40+ year old republican men, but when i tried to help he got snappy so i just watched him put a pistol back together.

he was okay at it.

eventually my date came downstairs, still mad as hell for reasons beyond my ken, and i felt pretty guilty for being such a mess because i thought that was why she was so angry. i tried to make up for by walking her to the car and getting the door for her, just generally trying to be extra polite, but before i could make it back to the drivers side, her dad called me back to the door. so i flipped around, went to the door, and immediately regreted my decision.

soon as i was within range, her dad got waaaay too close to me, leaned in, and said "whatever you do to her, i will do to you," and my brain went into overdrive making three consecutive realizations.

realization one was, damn, the pistol thing was a threat. that sucks. what an asshole. realization two was, wait, im autistic and even i know theres a 0% chance me and my date even hold hands, least of all boink. does this guy actually think there's even a 1% chance of anyone in that car getting laid tonight? is he an idiot? and then realization three went through, which was wait, is this guy threatening to fuck me? and unfortunately, with my brain doing so much processing, my mouth was left to run amok, so somewhere between realization 2 and 3, i said:

"i can't get pregnant"

which, i swear, wasn't actually me trying to be a smartass, it was just me pointing out that he couldn't actually follow up on that threat. it just wasn't possible. we do not live in the omegaverse and im not scared of you.

still, it was an insanely catastrophic thing to say, and the moment we both heard it, we bluescreened. that single sentence obliterated both of our momentary streams of consciousness like a saltine in front of a sand blaster. problem was, he'd probably gone his whole life not even realizing someone could say something that stupid, and making that realization was going to cost him a lot of thinking time. me though? i had been saying shit like that for 17 years, i didnt have to rewrite my expectations of human nature, i just had to plan an exit and start striding. so i was already halfway back to the car before i heard "hey. hey come back. Hey. Hey. HEY. HEY WAIT. HEY GET BACK HERE. HEY-"

and then i was in my car, and i drove away.

if this happened today, he'd have called her, and the whole thing wouldve imploded then and there, but back then, there were still a decent number of teenagers without cell phones. especially the teenagers of insane, gun toting parents. so she just said: whoa what was that all about? and i said: dont worry about it, he'll tell you about it when you get home.

and she said: ok and went back to staring daggers at me and my friend.

WHICH SURPRISINGLY isnt even how the story ends.

we went to an improv comedy show, and it was a disaster. it shouldve been like, 7/10 tops, but between my date being mad, and my friend having a good time, and me having the existential terror of knowing that a guy with a pistol was probably waiting outside his house for me to come back, it was easily 11/10. i laughed way too hard at everything. especially the jokes that flopped. id sit there in this mostly silent room and laugh until i dry heaved a little, and my date was absolutely disgusted, and even my friend was a little embarrassed, which would just make me laugh harder. i laughed so hard that night i could barely talk the next day. and then the show ended, and my friend said, you know, that was a good time, but i think we should maybe do something a little chiller? who wants to walk around the park? and his date said yeah, and my date said no, and i finally had mercy on the poor woman so i said, look, im gonna drop you off. and i am so, so sorry about this, but im dropping you off like a block away. super duper sorry.

do talk to your dad about the pistols thing if you dont want this happening more in the future tho.

and she said: okay. so i dropped her off, and she walked a block down, and that was that.

then i drove my friend and his date to a park that was good for wandering. i figured they wanted something more private, so instead of following them around point blank, i chose a park with this 30 foot rope tower, and i climbed to the top and i said: hey i can see you anywhere from up here, you are officially chaperoned from a distance. get panopticoned idiot. except my friend really is an idiot, and he didnt really get the whole 'now i dont have to third wheel so insanely hard with you guys' thing so he climbed up the tower too, and then his date followed behind him, so there are three people basically sitting together on top of a telephone pole.

and then they started making out.

i was close enough to hear it.

i didnt really know what to do so i was just kind of sitting there, dissociating, when some college kids came around and started shaking the tower. my friend's date went aaaaaaaaaa im afraid of heights :( and my friend went oh, dont worry, ill hold you tight ;) and i went hey, im gonna climb down and ask them to stop.

so i did climb down, and i did ask them to stop, and they flipped me off, which i wasnt even mad about. at that point i was i was like yeah, it would be weirder if this wasnt a mess. gods plan has been to fly this day like a 747 into my metaphorical twin towers and brother he is close enough for me to see him grinning through the cockpit window. still, eventually the college students got bored, so they climbed up the tower, which gave my friend and his date a window to climb down, and together we walked back to my car.

now, i cant explain why this is, but sitting back in the drivers seat was my carriage-back-into-a-pumpkin moment. i'd been chill about all the chaos, just rolling with the punches, but sitting down made me realize how much of a shitshow the day had been, and while i couldnt go back and fix all of it, i could go back and fix one thing.

so i told my friend and his date, hey, you two, stay here and don't do anything weird. don't. then i walked back to the rope tower, and i started picking up the shoes the college students had left at the base in order to climb.

about halfway through this, i realized that if i took all their shoes, they might think i was in it for the money, and i actually wanted them to know i was in it specifically to spite them. fuck those guys. so i put all the right shoes back, gave myself a 100 foot headstart, yelled "nice shoes, assholes", did a little jig, and started running.

my advice to everyone is that college students are faster than you think. even with the headstart, and the whole climb down the tower thing, i was still only fivish seconds ahead of them by the time i got to my car. i flung the door open, looked in the backseat, didnt see anyone, flung the stolen shoes in the backseat, heard two "ow"s, took that as proof of presence, jumped in and pealed out of the lot.

my friend and his date popped up a few seconds later. they were, uh, doing something weird in the back seat. my one request - obliterated.

they climbed up to ask where the hell all the shoes had come from, and i was like yeah i stole them from the college students, and they were like oh. cool. hope you had fun. and i was like, i did. i did. but speaking of fun, what were you doing back there?

and for the first time in my buddies life, i think he was actually embarassed.

[bunnis-monsters]

NSFW

So hybrid bulls and cows are actually separate species in MY fantasy world, not male and female.

So you work on a farm specializing in male cows and bulls, the only woman that’s allowed there due to… how the hybrids behave around any females.

You milk them… but not in the normal way. As the only woman on the farm, you’re the only one they’ll allow to milk their cocks. They produce a special semen that’s a milk alternative, and very yummy!

The cow’s are fine enough, following you around and nuzzling into you, wanting cuddles and extra attention when you’re milking them… they behave so well, blushing and mooing softly, gently moving their hips against your hand as you milk their cocks dry.

The bulls however… are a different story. They’re very territorial and protective over the cow hybrids, who they’ve formed a friendship with. They don’t like most people, and tend to be loners that only come around when it’s milking time.

But your pay is upgraded when the farm owners notice that the bulls have started warming up to you, even starting to treat you like a heifer, keeping you safe and guarding you from the other employees.

It wasn’t a surprise to anyone but you when the bulls started being a bit… too handsy with you. They viewed you as a heifer now… but you were so small compared to any female cow they’d ever seen. A runt, stunted, maybe…

But you had that chubby tummy and plush hips, those plump breasts that would look so pretty full of milk…

Within a month of starting work, you find yourself being bent over by one of the bulls, the cows mooing in distress and trying to comfort you as a fat cock enters your cunt.

“D-don’t be rough with her! She’s little!” one of the cows protests, stroking your hair and cooing softly to you. The bull huffs, hot air hitting the back of your neck as he fucks into you.

“Being as gentle as possible… little thing, couldn’t take me being rough even if I wanted to be…”

Your cunt was stuffed full with cum, several bulls mounting you until you were a blubbering mess. Once the bulls were done, you were surrounded by cows, getting kisses and snuggles… but they wanted to mate as well…

They pressed down on your belly, cum pooling between your legs as they cooed and gently fucked their own seed into you. By the end of the work day, you were spent, curled up in the hay with several cow hybrids as the bulls guarded the door.

You were payed handsomely for your efforts, and offered an even bigger paycheck to let them mount you at least once a week to let out their sexual frustrations.

They became more territorial around you, but when you weren’t in the picture, the bulls were much calmer and didn’t attack anyone that brought out food or came to give them check ups.

And when you became pregnant… well… let’s just say you were tucked away in the barn, living there with the cows and bulls as your belly grew heavy and swollen.

The cows tended to you, making sure you received all the human comforts you wanted along with their endless affections, and the bulls kept you safe.

———————

A/N: omg… ask me more about this concept because… I’m in love

NSFW TAGLIST: @sunset-214 @screaming-crying-screamingagain @strawberrypoundtown @avalordream @icommitwarcrimes @bazpire @chubbumblebee @im-eating-rn @anglingforlevels @kinshenewa @pasteldaze @j3llyphisching @unforgettablewhvre @yoongiigolden

[jackass-jones]

The most validating thing about having a brother in law is sometimes I’ll make a comment about my parents being kinda horrible and he’ll just be like "DUDE FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT IVE BEEN THINKING THIS THE WHOLE TIME BUT DIDNT KNOW HOW TO ADDRESS IT"