#and im like those are conveying opposite emotions

[cinnabeat]

not to be like those people that are incapable of understanding that dialogue tags are not meant to be 100% literal but i have no idea what mutter is supposed to sound like

[marlboroenjoyer]

cat got your tongue

the way miguel o'hara sunk his claws into my heart and i can't shake him. he makes me REDACTED and REDACTED like... anyway- this is a part 1; its just kind of 'world building', im working on the shameless smut that will be uploaded later today most likely. i didnt beta read cause i dont believe in that shit im sorry. WILL LINK SECOND PART HERE

summary - miguel doesnt understand how to properly convey the emotion commonly known as "concern". he instead criticizes you until youve had enough and finally rendered this explosive man silent.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

there are few instances in which a sentence dies on miguel o’hara’s tongue; his vocal cords ricocheting against each other like live wires. his voice kicking up white hot sparks of thought, that sizzled against the unfortunate soul caught in “conversation” with him.

now, one of those instances had dropped itself right into miguel’s lap. he was reprimanding you for putting yourself into harm's way again. you two were dealing with a particularly difficult anomaly, with jess and gwen on the sidelines making sure to grab any pedestrians in danger. a strike of electricity surged through your spine, making you look over your shoulder to find miguel pinned down. a large slab of the building you all were in had landed on top of miguel's right arm, pinning him down to the concrete floor beneath him. the anomaly was charging him, ready to seemingly rip his head clean off his shoulders by the way he was positioned. 

your body was sent into overdrive, sprinting forward, you attached two webs from each of your wrists to the ground in front of you. the webs slingshotting yourself forward towards this monster; your foot landing square on the side of its head, successfully shifting its attention towards you. you heard miguel shout out in the distance behind you as you lead this thing away from the others; for you or the others you couldn’t recognize. 

everything was going according to your half haphazardly calculated plan, until you slipped up, fucked up your web placement and your focus just shattered. you were smacked down to the cement far beneath you due to a hunk of debris being slung your way. you dodged to main concern but you lost all footing you had and began to plummet. a shrill shriek ripped itself from your vocal cords as you fell, desperately reaching outwards with your wrists pointed towards the sky; praying that one of your webs would connect to something stable and allow you to swing away. 

your left shoulder slammed against a ledge that was jutting out from the wall, you tumbled some more until a buzzing neon red tendril enveloped your torso and caught hold of you. all the air you had desperately been gulping down to calm yourself was sucker punched out of your body, your whole being snapping in the opposite direction of which you were falling. you were borderline lifeless as the web quickly pulled you up to safety and your other two teammates took over the fight. two strong arms held you to a rock hard chest, albeit heaving sporadically, sucking down oxygen in gulps. your head was supported against a strong shoulder, a tender hand grazing your more than dislocated shoulder. you grunted in pain from moving it and you heard a whispered apology above you.

hands kept grabbing onto the painful joint, shushing your groans of pain and ignoring your weak hand; you could hear a voice telling you that it needed to be popped back into place. you didn’t really know what he was talking about. everything was spinning and you were in so much pain. tears were slipping down your cheeks; but you didn’t even notice until gentle thumbs soothed them away. just as quickly though, those same gentle hands were distorted into iron fists; they latched onto your injured shoulder and twisted the joint back into the socket with a stomach turning pop and CRACK. you let out a yell that died into a low growl of agony. it was only a moment or two later when you felt a sharp pain in the meat of your trapezius muscle; and the relief of numbness spread through your whole body. you realized you had lost movement in all of your limbs but you were too out of it to care. you passed out only a few minutes later. 

after a few painful weeks in the medical wind of the spider-society hq, your accelerated healing made it a fairly easy process; you found yourself in this little argument with miguel. he called you into his office, via lyla, claiming he needed to speak with you about the latest mission. you hadn’t seen miguel since the mission; which pissed you off to a cartain degree. you always made sure to check up on him when he got injured more than usual on missions. 

it was downhill from the moment you stepped foot into that dark intimidating office. the only light that ever shone in that space was the dim orange light from his many screens. he was in your face the second the door closed behind you; immediately going on about how impulsive you are and how you jeopardized the mission. and it went on like this for about five minutes. every word that flung out of his mouth, every humiliating criticism of your actions, tore away at your resolve. you liked to think you had gotten used to miguel’s hot headed, hair trigger temper. this “conversation”, however, was very quickly making that sentiment false. eventually, you had to retaliate against the onslaught of ridicule.

“have you ever thought for a second, in that thick ass skull of yours, to thank me for saving your fucking life?! after everything i had to endure for your ass, to make sure you were okay.” your sudden interruption of miguel's unforgiving words, struck him into silence. you pinched your nose bridge, trying to get a hold of yourself, it was a habit you had picked up from him. miguel opened his mouth to argue back, despite something in the back of his mind screaming at him to shut up. stop fucking talking, you’re going to regret where this goes. thankfully before he could get his sentence out, you once again silenced him.

“the first things you speak to me after the mission are criticisms. that’s what you brought me to your office for.” you run your hands over your face, exasperated by the scenario playing out before you right now. you’ve never found yourself speaking to miguel like this before. “you have your head so far up your own ass you can’t comprehend that this is cruel. either fucking appreciate my help or don’t bother me; cause clearly speaking about the gorey details doesn’t effect you but it certainly exhausts me. i’m not gonna entertain this shit.” your voice was wavering as you rambled on. all of your pent up frustration with this man finally spilling over and out into the universe.

“you didn’t even visit me.” it was barely above a whisper, but it rang in miguel’s ears louder than anything he’s ever heard. you didn’t wait for him to respond when you left the room, the doors swung open for you automatically. with a swift exit of speed walking with assistance from your webs, miguel was left alone in his office.

[misspoetree]

Um... you were kinda right with the "sr in case anon didn't saw that" ^^; because yep, anon didn't saw that XD

But honestly, no worries about answering the ask late or so, please, no, just don't, even tumblr (and if not the app then the topics) can get exhausting over time, so please, take your breaks and recover a bit, even if I would never get an answer, it is completly fine, you are not obliged to answer it at all :D

But after you cast out the fishing line like this, I admit, I am a lazy carp, I bite.

CHOMP down on this hc's, because I literally just threw so much mismatched pieces at you (I really FORGOT about Tays business background, OF COURSE! It totally makes sense that Korn keeps him close because of business, I am dumb) but your genius idea about Korn getting a glimpse of Tays dangerous side... hooolyyyyyy... i am getting goosebumps!

(There is still an itch that wants to dig deeper into the whole net of Korns idea behind Tay and Time as friends for Kinn, like, is it just to keep business partners close? If so, how important is the business really, that Korn is willing to let an emotional bond like friendship grow between the boys and risk Kinn, our all-time-titts-out emotional dandy who is fucking starved of platonic affection, to hesitate, if things with the business of Tay or Time goes south? He either considers the business as that safe that it can never fail or loose its worth or Tays Family is that powerful that it wouldn't be good to have them as an enemy (Tay mafia heir incoming????) maybe it is completly different and he has more reasons for it... So much to unpack, I am getting my pool noodle right this moment and gear up for a deep dive)

But back to the important things, your reminder of ep 7, where Korns whole house of cards is swiped away by Tay, YES! One and a million, YES!

Ohhhhh, seeing Korn put business over everything else, that this is the reason for the whole friendship between Tay and Kinn, but then he needs more distance between them, but the more he tries, the more there is Tay with a machete gracefully hacking and slicing the net of lies apart- AHHHHHHHHH! You have a fantastic brain!

Btw, I am so happy that you liked the things my brain came up with, but I am even more in love with what you did with them.

Because Tay sways between the things he was forced to learn, the smiles, the way how he carries himself, the way he speaks and interacts with people, all this got build on the raw, unpolished knowledge that he has no choice but to master all those things if he wants to survive in this world.

He cuts the net Korn sets up, not to fight him head-on but to avoid getting caught in it as well. He simply survives. Inside the conference rooms, where words wield the power and outside in the bars, where a knife is loosely carried and a gun only a few seconds away.

(Again, how fucking exhausted must he be to perform in this two completly different scenarios, with clients and persons that are the exact opposite of each other and still manages to survive?)

Your, I will call it little scene because when I read it, it felt a 100%like it! Holy. Wow.

Oh hell, I need to recover, because you broke open my head and wrote that what I would never be able to convey in words, even if its just in an ask.

You have talent talent my dear, so please, if you start writing it, pin it up everywhere because I really want to read it

Tay being torn apart by his actions versus his heart and emotions is amazing and felt painfull good to read! And it kicks up my brain... I think unlike the other (traumatised™️) kids in the show, I don't think he is used to putting all his emotions aside... especially after I read your snippet, holy... I mean, with Kinn it is pretty obvious that he pushes his emotions aside and is done with it. But Tay?

Im mean, you already showed with your Ep7 reference that he is able to pull Kinn out of it. That doesn't sound like a man who is used to seeing his feelings as unworthy or useless.

I think Tay loves with a feral snarl and a gentle hug. He loves desperately and truly. He knows how to keep his friends safe, how to talk with them about feelings. He isn't someone who pushes everything away knowingly.

So maybe the time where all his training, his watching and analyzing turns into a blind "act", he looses control, he doesn't see himself as the person he knows anymore. And an overthinking, overanalyzing guy meets moral and emotional distress of his own making, ouuu... could turn out pretty dark for a hardworking brain like Tay's if you ask me...

And I am curious because you beautifully crafted the moment, where Tay's whole angelic act comes crumbling to the ground. That moment, when he flees and runs away from his own actions, when he's desperate and broken and so, so vulnurable...

I am curious to see, if there's something that catches Tay when he falls, or if he crashes and break his wings.

For now (I am open for discussion if I overlooked something again XD) I think that Tay... would be pretty lonely. Back then (I think of pre Porsche era) he had Kinn, who is forced to swallow down his emotions (best example, when Kinn listened to Tay and Time how he should smile and behave towards Porsche to show that he is ahem, interested. Aaaaand this brings me back to Tay being so used to putting up an act as soon as he goes outside that he even knows how to break it down for someone else and explain it. Because it is normal for him to know which impulse that he gives causes which reaction. It is engraved in his mind) so Tay is the one who helps Kinn out but on the other hand, it's going to be difficult for a guy with an emotional capacity like a rock like Kinn has, to be helpful in a full fledged breakdown.

And Time? Looking at him roughly, I see someone who has cheated on Tay many times, in this case breaking his trust and definitly the perspective of being someone to hold on to when shit is about to get real.

That brings me to the question, who would catch Tay? Who would take care for him, who or what would give him the place of peace and a break from the constant attention he has to maintain? How could not break under all this pressure?

Your whole part about Tay and his feelings, the moment where his instincts and heart collide and shows him the monster, holy. You nailed this!

Tay wants to love! He wants to have something real, something more than just a lingering thought of companionship or a blissful fantasy!

But he sees himself now, he sees under his own veil and realizes what he could do with that power and those abilitys.

He is so fucking scared and desperate and there's still no one in sight, no one to hold him, no one to catch him. He stares in his own abyss and he stumbles and he falls, he falls, he falls.

I mean, I could be wrong with a lot of this stuff, so I am kicking the ball back to you, what do you think would happen? ^.^

(Having the time of my life with getting into the Tay agenda rn XD)

Beloved Anon, you’re evil (affectionate). ❤

You dropped that into my asks while I was at work, and I genuinely lost my mind for like half an hour. I’m glad nobody came into my office because they would have seen me acting insane. Stading by the window, wrapped in a scarf, staring out into the thunderstorm, vibrating, talking to myself. (Having the time of my life, honestly.) 😂😂

And you’re really sweet and hilarious by the way, thank you. <3

Uhhhhhh, your itch with Korn’s idea behind the friendship with Tay and Time got me itching, too. I DO think that Tay’s family really is that influential. Time says that he crushed his car in the old area of Tay’s father, and “he cleared it off. The whole thing went silent.” There’s more than money necessary to make something like that happen, in my opinion. So yeah, being on good terms with those families is probably a smart business decision. (Random side note: Tay mafia heir is also an incredible sexy concept, OMG. Honestly, why has there been so little Tay action in the fandom?! The possibilities!!! 😭😍)

But you’re right, nevertheless. Ther’s never just one side to Korn’s actions, always playing 4D chess against everyone. And it is risky to allow “our all-time-tits out emotional dandy who is fucking starved of platonic affection” (that description made me laugh so fucking hard, oh my God 🤣🤣) to have this kind of emotional bonds, sure. But: wouldn’t the opposite be even more risky? To put Kinn in complete social isolation and still expect him to be a somewhat functional human being, NO, to be the heir of the family, able to differentiate between friend and foe?

I mean, look at all three brothers and their social life: Tankhun’s “friends” are his bodyguards, paid to be there (dying on that hill that Pol was only hired to keep Tankhun company btw 😌), paid to do what he wants, to obey, to die for him if necessary – not seen as independent, free-thinking human beings at all. (I’m not saying that Tankhun doesn’t love his bodyguards but that still doesn’t change the situation.) And Kim, well, he has completely isolated himself until he decides to pull Chay into his very own net of manipulation and we all know how well that went for Kim, being utterly starved of affection - only ending up tangled in a trap of his own making.

My point is: isn’t Kinn the most socially functioning of all of them because he’s the only one that has real friends? Friends that keep him in check and tell him when he’s being fucking stupid? That are not paid or lovers or part of the family?

And even though I think that Korn doesn’t really get the concept of friendship outside of business, he’s smart enough to see that they are…necessary. That it’s better for his children to have them than not. Well, at least until he comes to the conclusion that one of those friendships might not be worth the trouble…if you catch my drift. 👀

You keep saying such incredible nice things to me (not me reacting like a dog that’s been called “Good girl”, wagging my imaginary tail. 😭 I’m so weak, it’s embarrassing. 🙈🙈🙈) but I also really love your thoughts and the way you phrase things, it’s brilliant! 🙌🏻🙌🏻

I mean, ahhhh, you spelled it out so beautifully, the way Tay isn’t a man “who is used to seeing his feelings as unworthy or useless”. (But a man who might tend to put the feelings of others over his own, to shift the focus from him to others. A man who is used to deal with his feelings on his own. A man who might not push everything away knowingly, but some things just happen to…slip through.)

And your paragraphs about Tay’s actions turning into a blind act, an “overthinking, overanalysing guy meet(ing) moral and emotional distress of his own making” and TAY EXPLAINING HIS OWN ACT TO KINN - *gently shakes you by the shoulders* - ahhhhhhhh, yesssss, exactly, you get it!!!! 😭😭😭

“He is so fucking scared and desperate and there’s still no one in sight, no one to hold him, no one to catch him. He stares in his own abyss and he stumbles and he falls, he falls, he falls,” – AHHHH ANON I’M GOING INSANE AGAIN!!!!

I’m so sorry that I have so little to add to the second part of your ask except for “!!!!!” and *static noise* but I’m actually maybe under circumstances writing a little something. 👀 I’m rusty af and it will probably take months because I’m a really slow writer and I have so little time and who knows if it even will be any good …but I’m still so fucking excited?! So, thank you again for putting the idea into my head and to my Tay HC people who started all of this. 😭🙏🏻

And well, I don’t want to give too much away at this point, but the fic I’m writing plays relatively soon after the thing with Tawan happens, so Kinn is definitely no help with any form of breakdown…or any emotional thing at all. But just like you said, I don’t think that Kinn is very helpful on a good day either. He’s just not a person you would go to…to lay your heart bare.

And well…Time. Good old Time. His infidelity is actually one of the catalysators of my story, getting Tay into this situation he was trying to avoid because he knew (through instinct, paranoia, “training”) that things would end up going south. So, he’s also not a candidate to catch Tay at the moment. If he ever is. But…that doesn’t mean I don’t have plans for him. 👀

I don’t think that there’s any person to catch him, to hold him, to take care of him, actually. Not at that moment, not in the way he needs to, anyway. But I think there’s a person to ground him. A person to make him see things from a different (not necessarily better, but different) perspective. A person who digs out truths with reckless abandon, who isn’t deflected by kicks and screams and a bloody mess but encouraged. A different kind of beast.

I want Tay to go to Vegas. As crazy as it sounds. (And that only works based on my “There's...'something' between Tay and Vegas, some kind of understanding” headcanon, I guess. )

So...wow. This answer somewhat escalated and I hope you’re not disappointed with it, Anon. 😅 (Btw, no need to be shy, my DMs are always open ❤…even though I don’t answer them any quicker, I'm sorry. 🙈)  

[essektheylyss]

im going a little crazy but huuuuuuge respect gained for you (and all writers, really) im taking a short story class and im fighting for my life out here. deadlines today so it probably won’t matter that much but how do you not despise what youre writing while writing. drawing’s like ok yea ok this is fine but writing. oh my god. :(

Hello! Deadlines are the worst, so sending some solidarity. (Also huge respect for you as an artist! I tend to feel the opposite—I can usually find some reason to keep a piece of writing but the number of times I want to kick a drawing to the curb entirely is HIGH.)

This is a really hard hurdle to get past though, and I don't think there's really a point where any writer always clears it. I recall, if I remember correctly, a pretty prolific writer (possibly Neil Gaiman but don't quote me on that) telling a story about how they had gotten like 60% done on a draft, called up their editor, and went, "This is crap, I'm giving up and moving onto something else, or better yet I'm never writing again," and the editor with utter chill went, "Oh, you're at that point in the writing process. It's fine, keep going." And the writer was gobsmacked to discover this had happened frequently enough that the editor recognized it.

In any case, I do actually have one trick for this, which helps me a lot! This got long and possibly overly extrapolated, so I'm putting it under a cut:

A lot of writing advice focuses on the timeless but, imo, useless mantra of, "Write the bad first draft because you can't edit a blank page." This is useless because it does nothing to tell you how to live with the shit draft, which is hard and discouraging for continuing with the draft, and also, if you're taking one writing course among many courses, you don't have time to labor over a piece in editing for months. Plus, especially with shorter pieces, I don't find laborious editing useful, especially if you're a perfectionist or worried about whether it's good. (Nothing kills my productivity like long-term editing; hence my current suffering, but sometimes it can't be helped.)

HOWEVER, my trick is this: do not focus on quality at all. "Good" is so subjective, and you can drive yourself crazy trying to achieve it. This is of course easier said than done, but what is easier is replacing it with something. I approach everything (whole pieces, individual scenes, bits of dialogue that I want to burn with fire) by asking myself what I am setting out to accomplish with that bit of writing, and then I evaluate or write it by deciding how that could be accomplished.

This could just be what your assignment is (though I find that a bit broad), or what theme or message you want to convey by the end (though I find that getting this specific is kind of stifling and often a bit too nebulous for me, which negates the point of the exercise). What I've found most helpful especially in writing short stories is to decide what emotion I want a piece to make people feel. That way, if I feel like it's crap partway through, I have a really specific way to evaluate it when I read it back; I can go look at other books or stories that make me feel the way I'm trying to make other people feel; and it's a much easier target for both large and small edits than, "Is it good?"

This also really helps my perfectionism, because it doesn't require it to be the best possible way to accomplish the goal—it just has to accomplish the goal itself. There's a lot less qualitative value being placed on it. Some of my writing that other people have liked the most have been things I thought weren't great, but I read it back and decided it accomplished what I wanted it to do regardless of my feelings about its quality, so I posted or submitted it, and it got the reaction I wanted it to.

And being able to hit those targets consistently is definitely a product of years of practice—which brings me to the one other goal that I find useless: having specific publication or posting goals. I spent basically all of my teenage/college years going, "This is Not Good but it's just practice." (My screenwriting professor did think I was crazy for writing so much as practice when I couldn't use the products as samples for various reasons, but good god am I a better writer for it.) I have written short stories for specific themed anthology calls and the worst thing I can do when I'm writing those is to put my goal down as getting accepted to the anthology, because I do the same thing that you're describing and freeze up while I'm writing it.

And your goal might not be a specific emotion—if you like writing to theme or message, do that! If all of that's too limiting to your creativity, focus on the point of the assignment and write to that! And if you don't know what goal to set at all on projects you're doing for practice, you can think of a piece of writing that makes you feel or think something that you thought was great, and evaluate it for why it achieved that, then try to hit that benchmark. Kind of the writing equivalent of artists practicing a specific artist's style while developing their own. (Needless to say, but since I'm saying this publicly, don't try to copy style too closely, and definitely don't plagiarize, both because it's shitty and also because your teacher's plagiarism checker is likely to catch it even if the teacher doesn't.)

Also, obligatory "your mileage may vary"—I am sure this will not work for all writers, and plenty of pantsers will be scandalized by the suggestion of thinking about an end goal before starting, but I really like having the benchmark and find focusing on that the most useful thing I can do when I'm stuck or discouraged, and find that it genuinely improves my writing because it means it's more cohesive in the end.

[sabraeal]

Heyyo! This is gonna come off kind of creepy, but I remember in one of the posts you reblogged, in the tags you mentioned the significance of cadence in your writing, could you maybe explain a little more on how you think of cadence and how you incorporate it into your writing? Thanks and I hope you have an awesome day!

Oh nonny, it's totally not creepy! I talk in the tags to be heard, and minds latch onto what moves them. I'm glad this bit makes you curious!

I should preface this by saying that I am the sort of person who "hears" prose when I read it, so to my mind, the sound it-- and even the sound of certain words-- adds a lot to how I interpret a piece of writing. Lots of writing advice will tell you to vary you sentence structure, since people get board by repetitious cadence, and you're also told that lots of short sentences will imply action or high intensity. All of which is true! But you can do SO MUCH MORE.

A major pet peeve of mine when I read is being TOLD something about a character or a relationship; it's author interference, which can really ruin immersion since like...you can lead a horse to water but you can't tell it to drink. Like, sure you can TELL me these two characters like each other, but unless you can PROVE it in the prose, what the point? So the question becomes, how do you make the read FEEL a certain way without telling them. How do you convey tone and emotion and sometimes even physicality without explaining it.

The first way is diction. The second way is cadence (which also...diction, in a different hat). Or sometimes, even a lack of one. Look at these two passages:

His brother, the prince. A man he only speaks of in hushed tones, in furtive glances, as if he could hear them from miles away.

Her feet stutter beneath her. The knowe is his, it obeys him even in his absence –

–could he not, if he asked it?

vs.

Rich people, man. He didn’t even know Oktoberfest came in cans. It’s the only name he recognizes in the chest, so after getting brave on four of them, he picks one out via the tried and true method of whichever one has the stupidest name. Pumple Drumkin wins by a mile.

(The method holds. He’s also pretty sure this has more booze in it than normal booze. Man, rich people get the booziest booze)

He’s not drunk, or at least not drunk-drunk, you know? But – happy, as weird as that sounds.

The top one is from Between the Night and Morrow, and the second is a part of Nothing Was My Own. A fantasy setting vs modern. It's also Shiryuki's POV vs Obi's POV. For Night and Morrow it's important to me to convey the otherworldly air of the knowes, which involves longer sentences, ones that are almost breathless-- then stopped short by Shiryuki's more logical, shorter sentences as she interacts with it. She may have her extra sense, the way the fey do, but she is not of that world.

Since it's Shirayuki I can also choose to give her longer, more obscure worlds, the kind that sort of flow one to the next, and it allows the reader to be swept along with her description. Way back in high school to teachers probably told you about alliteration and assonance, and this is where you want to use those tricks, creating almost a soundtrack WITH the prose.

Obi and WFB is almost the opposite! Not only is he less lyrical over all, but so is his setting!. I try to keep his sentences shorter, as well as his words (which changes the longer he's with Shiryuki, and you can see changes back in scenes in M&B). I want his POV to be snappy, so when I *do* use alliteration, it's with harsh syllables, making it sound more like someone spitting bars than a symphony. And then when he does use longer sentences, it's either frantic, with many clauses (like oh god oh no don't have a feeling don't do it bro), OR it's it im allowing himself to be soft. It's something the reader can relax and feel in the moment with him. And then have quickly crash to a halt, because he's not allowed nice things. You can see it happen more an more in the later chapters, because Obi eventually learns to accept that he's like, a smart kid and he doesn't have to drown every emotion in anger.

[swimmingleo]

The psychedelic girl

Back back back again with a Harry Pink Floyd rant im sorry guys but there is content for days in that comfy niche

Early Pink Floyd days were pure gender fuckery songs and that's like. Something I think about often. It is all Syd Barrett's songwriting and his very peculiar fantasy world, and I just can't help seeing a bit of Harry in it.

So this is, once again, me reaching about how you could possibly find hints of those early Pink Floyd days into Harry's art and expression. But also another post for me to rant about mermaids, random classic rock stuff and just. gender <3 so even if it doesn't make sense I really enjoyed this trip hope you do toooo

thanking the gods Arnold Layne's MV and Harry's Beauty Papers photoshoot exist in the same cute pretentious beat generation wannabe timeline so I can make edits

It starts in 1967 with Arnold Layne, their first single about a man who commits ''crimes'' at night for the mere satisfaction of wearing women's lingerie.

On the wall hung a tall mirror

Distorted view, see through baby blue

He done it!

The vision he has of himself is distorted and he can only feel good wearing the garments he stole.

Though the song was considered a joke or a trippy tune, it seemed close to Syd's heart and convictions:

But when gender shit goes hard is with their second single See Emily Play. The song is about Emily, a girl who feels more like an emotion than an actual person.

While many pSycHeDeLiC stories surround its origins, Syd never confirmed any and all he said about the song is that it's about a girl who appeared to him in a dream: Emily.

Here are some more or less relevant parallels with She, the pSyChEdELiC gender anthem by Harry Styles:

The chorus line from See Emily Play "There is no other day" could be what the man from She needs to hear: he fantasizes about getting to know her, but never takes one day to do it. He's absorbed by his routine and the days go by.

Another interesting opposition is on the word play. In Pink Floyd’s song, the play/game is Emily trying, getting it wrong, crying and repeating the whole process until she gets it right. She plays around to know who she is. The man in She is playing the opposite: he tries to ignore her, he pretends he knows what to do, when he's in reality just as confused as Emily.

Salvation comes for Emily in the final verse, the accomplishment:

Put on a gown that touches the ground

Float on a river, forever and ever, Emily

After being confused, lost and desperate, Emily finds her ground with a dress that literally connects her to the earth. She doesn't have to live through someone's dreams anymore: she understood how to be with that dress.

THE BABY BLUE GOWN TOUCHES THE GRASS GROUND GOOD INNIT

The imagery of a woman in a long dress floating on a river is probably inspired by Ophelia.

Ophelia is a character from Shakespeare's play Hamlet. She becomes mad and drowns in a brook by moonlight. Because female characters were originally played by men, Ophelia's femininity was conveyed on stage with a long white dress and flowers, which also portrayed her fragile mental state: she's a classic depiction of female madness in literature. She's lovesick, but also traumatized by patriarchy and too whimsical to be understood by others. She expresses herself and her repressed sexuality with riddles and metaphors, singing even as she's drowning. She's even compared to a mermaid in her death. Ophelia inspired many artists and left such a mark on the subconscious that she became a phenomenon, the Ophelia Complex. It consists in illustrating decadence, trauma or one's alienation from society through the feminine water element. Very specific and very lunatic.

With the release of the first ''official'' Pink Floyd biography, we learn that Emily was supposedly based on a young girl frequenting a club where the band used to play, Emily Young, who was nicknamed ''the psychedelic girl''. Emily Young expressed her doubts about being the inspiration as she didn't know Syd at all, but her interpretation of the song is really interesting:

yeah btw Syd's real name was Roger of course of course

THIS IS ME RANTING MORE ABOUT PINK FLOYD AND MERMAID SONGS CUZ I LOVE THEM

That Ophelia Complex, and the whole Emily deal can be found in two later songs, which. always resonate to me a lot compared to Harry's Fine Line way of writing ~gender:

She took a long cold look, 1969: featured on Syd's first solo album. She is desperate to see and be extreme, and she is still full of questions. The addition is that it is made clear that she is Syd, and that he struggles to let her be. She is even pictured as a threat. I believe there is a theme in the album of Syd making the point on what makes him so miserable, and she is one of the reasons: in the song, they fight, and he ends up hiding the piece (the gown?) under the surface of earth. And that's the end of it, of what he describes as "a mile or more in a foreign clime to see farther inside of me". While See Emily Play ended on Emily floating on a river, here it's Syd who lays down in the water. I consider it a sadder, more resigned rewriting of See Emily Play and it really reminds me of that line in Fine Line: I don't want to fight you and I don't wanna sleep in the dirt.

Green is the Colour, 1969: written by Roger Waters, the song references See Emily Play explicitly "Hazy were the visions of her playing" and checks out the Ophelia description: the white dress, the moon, her laying down in the water and her kind being green. Green for nature, but also to hint at the idiom "green with envy". Indeed, the song concludes by evoking both the beauty and sadness of her condition: Envy is the bond between the hopeful and the damned. She wants what others have, she hopes for it, and that makes her a sinner (layers. LAYERS). The song also exposes that appearances can be deceiving: "Shade my eyes and I can see you", "Quickness of the eye deceives the mind". The way you perceive someone doesn't mean this is who they are. isn't that. very sensible and modern. bonus points for the sound of the sea and seagulls in the single version. I can't get over this song man how can one just pin point exactly the thing like how empathic one must be to??? write this??? im dead

David Bowie later sang See Emily Play for his nostalgia album "Pin Ups": the concept was to cover songs that left a mark on him as a teenager and influenced his career.

Syd was a major inspiration for me. The few times I saw him perform in London at UFO and the Marquee clubs during the ’60s will forever be etched in my mind. He was so charismatic and such a startlingly original songwriter. [...] His impact on my thinking was enormous.

Bowie's version is super interesting because he plays with voice modulation. He sometimes overlays his singing voice with a deepened or higher pitched/mannered one, and this gender fuckery variation can be heard notably on the verse about wearing a dress.

Also funfact, the cover for Pin Ups was originally meant for Vogue but it was dismissed because as we know, Vogue didn't want any man on their front cover until November 2020.

Bottom line is. See Emily Play is a well known song in rock culture, and with it and his short career, Syd definitely took a part in paving the way for the glam rock movement to come. Could Harry nerd about it in his quest for glitter gender rock expression, I don't knooow maybeeee

From the shaky foundations of a solo career

THIS is what initiated this post yo this is what made me think "there is something very delicate here and that could be something very cool".

1970: following his exclusion from Pink Floyd partly due to his very fragile mental state, Syd puts out his first solo album, The Madcap Laughs. Some see in it the proof of his mental deterioration, but it is a well thought through and constructed album. It is one bitch of a raw introspective journey.

2017: following One Direction's break up hiatus due to a very fragile hm balance, Harry puts out his first solo album, self titled Harry Styles but initially named Pink. And it is one bitch of an introspective album too.

Hear me out. Both of these sad, sad albums conclude the exact same way. Those are the first lines of both albums' last songs:

Woke up alone in this hotel room

Played with myself where were you?, From The Dining Table

When I woke up today

And you weren't there to play

Then I wanted to be with you, Late Night

And it's about playing again. Or rather the difficulty to do so following a heartbreak: in both songs, the speaker reminisces the other, and notes the other's absence from waking up to late at night.

Harry literally mirroring this specific part of Syd's career is fascinating to me: Syd is an actual myth. There are lots of stories about him, but he barely told anything about himself during his time and disappeared for most of his life. His short solo career is all there is to try and understand him, and I wonder if Harry's twisted little mind saw something in that.

I'll just finish with The Madcap Laughs' famous photoshoot by Mick Rock. It depicts a woman posing naked, always situated by the back of Syd's head. He faces us, she never faces the camera. It very much feels... like the two sides of a coin? Also flowers and yellow room?

... Harry is like the fusion of both.

IDK BYE.

[buck-yyyy]

okay there’s lots of discussion about whether or not the rainbow room is a piece of queer subtext because of the giant rainbow, im sure you’ve all seen it- and i kinda want to butt in, because i have my own thoughts?

i mean, to be upfront about it- i really disagree. power to you if you think it is! i just personally think it’s about something way different.

the rainbow room is a play room. it’s filled with toys and games, and to reflect that “lighthearted nature”, they put a rainbow on the wall. kids like rainbows, right? yay, rainbows!

but despite the rainbow, despite being told that the room is lighthearted and happy and fun, we know that it’s not.

it’s in the lab. the kids all have shaved heads and wear hospital gowns. there’s security cameras everywhere. the room itself is cold and impersonal- linoleum tiles, white walls except for the rainbow, metal doors, a viewing room. that is what tells us that this is not a happy place, it’s not a room dedicated to the joy of childhood.

it’s a room that represents abuse.

almost every bad thing that we see el experience in s4 is in the RR- meeting henry, the bullies, the kids’ deaths, sending henry to the UD and essentially creating vecna. ALL OF THIS adds to the aforementioned juxtaposition against the rainbow.

rainbows represent childhood, happiness, joy- but everything that we see in that room reeks of the opposite of all of that. it’s all a façade.

and here’s why i think they chose the rainbow.

these are all pictures of abandoned children’s asylums. similar to the rainbow room, there’s fun, colorful pictures on the wall, some of geometric patterns, some of popular characters like mickey mouse and charlie brown.

these rooms were painted like this because they were intended to be used by children, and kids like happy, fun, bright colors.

but in reality? these were all places where horrific abuse took place.

again, the bright colors and fun paintings are a façade.

i think this is what they were trying to convey with the rainbow room. i think that the rainbow is meant to bring up the same or similar emotions to what you feel when you look at those photos of very real asylums.

i don’t really think that it’s queer subtext.

although, i suppose, if you subscribe to the theory that henry getting sent to the lab and the lab in general is a representation of conversion therapy, this would definitively still work, and would maybe even feed into it. i’m slightly veering that way, but i’m a little hesitant. but really, take this wherever you see fit.

just my thoughts.

(tagging @aemiron-main cause i’m curious about your thoughts lmao- feel free to ignore this)

[raccooninthedaytime]

I want. You to rant. About how much you love Great Comet

Oh god. Oh dear. This is too much power for one person to have. How would i even know where to start????

Okok so if we talk about great comet i have to start with how there’s not a bad song in that show. More than that, there’s not a BORING song in the show. Which is really hard to achieve, i think. In almost every one of my favorite musicals, there’s at least one song where im like “ok i can live without listening to this song rn. Its just ok” and great comet has none of those!! Every song and its mother are certified bangers!!

I love that the actors all play their own instruments??? Thats so fucking cool?? I love that in every production of it the audience is part of the stage!! Because there’s something so intriguing about pieces of theatre that not only break the forth wall, but like dont even build one in the first place? There’s a warmth to it, an intimacy almost, of these characters letting you into their world, actively telling you their story like you’re sitting down with them for dinner.

There’s a saying about audience participation in theatre thats like, as soon as you let the audience participate, you give away control of the piece. In Comet the audience isn’t participating per se, but they are an active part of the piece now. They’re like set almost. It’s incredible the trust that goes into it.

And more than that, i am a sucker for like… weird music. I am such an audio person, and comet’s music is anything but predictable. I love malloy as a composer because he does that thing where he like, writes what is essentially three separate musical progressions, and just stitches them together. Because it doesnt matter if music is symmetrical!! It doesnt need to be!! It’s still a song!! And i rib on a lot of music quite often for not rhyming when they could, or not rhyming better than they did. With comet, the lack of rhyme is not only intentional, but it absolutely adds to the language of the piece as a whole.

What i mean is, in regular musicals song and dialogue are interspersed. Characters sing when the emotions get to strong for speaking (and dance when those get too strong howard ashman etc etc). You as an audience member understands that the character is not Actually singing, but actively emoting something they cant express well enough in words. In sung through musicals, you get the opposite. The language of the piece is established completely musically (which is where motifs and whatnot come in but we can talk about that another time).

The music sets the tone without dialogue exposition. (Think the dreamy mmmmmmmmmms natasha sings in moscow that sound very no one else-y. We’re hearing how natasha feels about andre before she ever even articulates it.)

The voice parts of the characters help establish archetypal character traits. (Marya D being an alto when most motherly/mentor-y roles are altos, natasha being a soprano ingenue. A subversion of this trope is tenor anatole, because we’re meant to think he’s a leading man good guy vibe and he ends up bad. But still his voice type tells you exactly how he portrays himself so it still is effective!!)

Tempos (the beginning of preparations. That plan was hastily made as hell, so of course they’re gonna sing about it fast. No room to stop andthink) and harmonies (constrained and strained. Lyrics say it all) and keys and scales (im sure you all can feel the difference between putting things in major keys than in minor. There are others but those are the big ones) convey every emotion the character feels, and every emotion the audience needs to.

And when they add DIALOGUE! Like real, genuine, spoken dialoge. Its a FULL FUCKING STOP. Yes im talking about if i were the brightest handspmest best man on earth. And if i were free.

This is getting really long but i do want to talk more about music and callbacks and motifs and character stuff and maybe even if im lucky i can talk a little bit more about design elements. Not now tho, but when my mind is clear (think of me)

Anyway. It goes without saying that i do genuinely think Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 is the greatest musical every written and to ever grace the broadway stage. And im right.

[telehxhtrash]

ok ok okok so i originally wanted to make a long ass post about it but im LAZY so im just gonna do a chill post about it

i don't believe Kurapika's character arc will lead him to his death.

Ok, maybe he WILL die. But not permanently at least.

I feel like Kurapika and Gon's stories mirror each other very closely, and if we follow that pattern, we can make some logical conclusions on what's gonna happen to Kurapika.

Kurapika is literally hitting rock bottom right now. He's on a boat with the phantom troupe, the man who has the last pair of eyes and potentially Pairo's head, and if the theories are true, the one true person responsible for the Kurta's massacre (Pariston - i'll let you read up on this theory if you're interested because it's amazing  - the fucking MOUSE EARS ON SHEILA i-)

Kurapika has also found at least 20 new different ways to die, one of them including taking years off his lifespan for revenge. Yup, fuck emperor time. Honestly, Kurapika is sinking so fast it's not even funny. And you know who that reminds me of ? Gon.

In CAA, Gon hit rock bottom. He was scared, he was weak, he had trauma, he was suicidal, he wanted revenge more than anything in his life, willing to throw his life away to avenge Kite. Gon gave up on his own life for the sole purpose of fulfilling his need to cope with the guilt he felt towards Kite's death. This whole mission was self-punishment. And so is Kurapika's. Kurapika feels survivor guilt, 100%. Why is he the only one alive ? Why did everyone have to die but him? The only thing he can do is resort to revenge. To try and ease this guilt he feels. Because he's alive, he's alone, he has no one else left. Like he said, he has no one and no home to return to.

And then, just when Kurapika thinks he can never have a home again, enters Woble. 

In Kurapika's darkness, after having further and further strayed from the light, Kurapika finds the one thing that's the furthest away from who he is right now : a literal baby. An innocent, pure, sweet baby, who has no idea how many hardships there are in life. Kurapika obviously wants to protect Woble, and we get a few panels that highlight the impact Woble has on Kurapika, and vice-versa.

In Kurapika's darkness, a sweet, innocent baby reaches out to him. Reminds him of simpler things, of happy emotions, of everything he wishes he could be. And I believe that's why Woble (and possibly Leorio too- since Leorio makes Kurapika calm, as he says) will be the one to save Kurapika from sinking completely into darkness. Just like Killua was Gon's light in his darkest moments, everything Woble represents will be what ultimately leads Kurapika to get his head out of the water, and to finally find a new purpose in life, finally moving on from the past and accepting a new, brighter future.

I could write THOUSANDS of meta on Woble but I'm gonna abbreviate to the most important things I read about her and that lead me to believe she is the one that's gonna help Kurapika get out of his self-destructive spiral. There's a lot of Bible symbolism in Succession War arc. Morena wears a crown of thorns, just like Jesus, but she's meant to represent the anti-christ and to embody everything Jesus opposes.

Tserriednich shares so similarities with Jesus, but ALSO doesn't represent him at all, he's the exact opposite of him. I'm literally quoting a post I read, but : Jesus: prodigy; turned water to wine; rose from the dead; warned his trusted apostle (Peter) that Peter would lie and betray him three times before the rooster crowed // Tserriednich: prodigy; turned water to putrid shit; rose from the dead; by proxy of his Beast, warned his trusted bodyguard (Theta) that she should not lie to him three times.

Finally, we got Chrollo, with his upside down cross, his 12 disciples and all the biblical symbolism surrounding him.

Those characters, associated with anti-christ symbolism, are all on the boat. But hey, if we got antichrist symbolism galore in this arc, then surely, there must be a character that symbolizes Jesus, right ? Yup, you guessed it. It's Woble.

Like I said before, Woble represents everything Kurapika is not : she's light, she's innocent, she's pure. 

And the fact that Kurapika meets and shares a bond with this character, who is surrounded by so much positive symbolism, right after he declares that "there is no home for me to return to.... and nobody to welcome me back. I have nothing else." is leading me to believe that Woble, in one way or another, will be the one that pulls out Kurapika from this darkness.

Kurapika's story arc would not end in tragedy, I don't think that's the message Togashi wants to convey through him, that when you chase negative emotions too much and focus on the past, you lose yourself so much that you eventually die. I think that Togashi's message would be somewhere along the lines of "Sometimes, you get lost trying to live in the past, and you let negative emotions fuel you. But when you think you have no purpose left, and that you've hit rock bottom, open your heart to others and you will be saved."

Because that's the thing that happened with Gon. Gon went through the same character arc, and he got lost but eventually brought back home by Killua. And I really believe that the same thing will happen to Kurapika. That Woble will give his life a new meaning, a reason to look forward to the future instead of clinging onto the past. And of course, it's gonna be painful. Because to see the light, Kurapika has to hit rock bottom first.

(lil parenthesis here : but i genuinely believe that kurapika will be put in a situation where he will eventually have to make the choice between retrieving the eyes, symbolizing his past, or protecting woble, representing his future. and ofc, he will choose woble, and thus his future, putting him on a path to recovery.)

THANK YOU FOR READING MY BRAINROT ONCE AGAIN

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

[SPOILERS FOR LEO’S ROUTE❗️] okay so i just got to the bit after leo reveals what he is, and mc and comte are talking on the balcony & comte offers to turn her into a vampire if she would like. obviously mc declines but i guess my question is, how do you think leonardo would react if mc DID agree to that offer? i am enjoying his route, but i kinda get the feeling he mostly/only loves mc because she is human :/ im interested abt what might happen if she didn’t say no? thank you v much💖💖ly lots

Aww, ily3 hun tyty 💕💕💕I’ll offer my thoughts below, I hope I can answer your questions to satisfaction! 

Ah yes, the point in Leo's route where I essentially get shot in the leg and limp through my walk of shame

Jk jk, but I think there has been a considerable degree of displeasure associated with Leonardo's line in the proverbial sand. No life with him can be spent as a vampire, MC must remain human. Despite his easygoing nature, he remains stalwart in his opposition no matter what the MC or Comte has to say. To summarize it quickly, Comte’s relieved exasperation at the end of Leo’s MS gets more across than I think any of my analysis can convey “Thank heavens one of you has good sense.” It offers the implication that he has tried to broach the topic with Leonardo out of concern, only to be met by a brick wall--or doesn’t try at all for fear that he’ll only ensconce Leonardo further into rejecting a greater future for him and MC.

As to how he would react I......really don’t think it would go well? Only because I think it would serve to reinforce the rifts that already exist in Leonardo’s self-perception. He would believe it was his own fault for pushing her in that direction, and while I don’t think he would hate Comte, he would definitely become estranged from one of his only close friends in life. (What GUTS ME about Comte offering to turn MC is that he is probably well aware Leo might beat the shit out of him, never talk to him again, or both--and he still fully accepts that he could lose his best friend to guarantee a future for both of them. Excuse me while I bawl in the corner) He probably wouldn’t hold it against Comte for too long, but he wouldn’t be any less aggrieved and hurt. And when Leonardo is vulnerable, he will hide and nurse his wounds until he can behave with some level of calm--or at the very least until he can pretend he’s okay after an initial explosion. He doesn’t feel comfortable troubling people with his own problems, so he tends to fall into silence when personal things come up. This doesn’t necessarily mean he resolves all of his emotional turmoil, or heals that fast; it only means that he wallows in those feelings alone unless they’re tugged out of him and worked through forcibly.

Basically, I see only one of two possibilities coming to fruition. The first is that he and MC would wobble only to completely fall apart if some kind of resolution could never be found. He’d continue to blame himself and start sabotaging his own happiness, and that would likely mean some level of selfishness directed at MC--resulting in anguish for the both of them. If MC takes on too much without complaint or Leonardo goes too far...I get the feeling that relationship would either end in shambles immediately, or result in a kind of twisted union in which both feel responsible for the other’s hurt but neither one can relieve it (until they’d be forced to split up before someone gets seriously hurt). They would be the source of each other’s suffering, so much so that the walls climbing between them might never again lower. 

This might sound odd, but if there’s one thing that Leonardo needs it’s control when it comes to his relationships with others. It is a subtle, but acute trait that might not seem obvious knowing his magnanimous disposition. He decides if MC gets to be a vampire, he bargains with Sebastian because he refuses to be a test subject, he refuses to validate Comte’s conclusions (despite knowing he’s right) because he doesn’t want to cede the power silence/smokescreens offer his emotional vulnerabilities. Even around villains like Shakespeare and the final serial killer, pay close attention. Shakespeare begins revealing deeply personal information and wishes that Leonardo holds close to his heart on purpose, snatching Leonardo’s agency and ability to control how his feelings are being conveyed. How does Leonardo respond? With explosive, forbidding anger--instantaneous and barely contained, nothing at all like his breezy attitude and calm.

If you think about it, it’s a fairly obvious extension of the humiliating powerlessness by which he was raised (he needs to be in control; he needs to be the one who decides who gets to walk away and who doesn’t. He doesn’t come on to MC because he wants to, he does it for the sole purpose of scaring her out of wanting to be a vampire. He doesn’t even attempt to explain where he’s coming from because he falls into whole-scale panic. When he loses control of the trajectory of others--of how they perceive certain things about him--all of his charisma fails him. If he can’t explain or justify where he is mentally, when he’s too afraid they won’t hear him or care, then he needs to redirect the opposing party). Additionally, he feels responsible; that he can better adjust the outcome with his experience--and while that may be true for some things, sometimes he gets ahead of himself. Only an individual can decide their own future and their own happiness, the most others can do is enhance or worsen aspects of life. He doesn’t have enough faith that his presence is positive or worthwhile enough to guarantee his spouse’s happiness ;-;

The other possibility I see is MC coaxing him as best she can into reassurance that she’s happy with her new life. While he may have doubts, there is absolutely room for her to help him approach those fears little by little. If Leonardo has even a hint of doubt in regards to his dismal feelings about her being turned, a potential for acceptance may be nurtured. I don’t think his uncertainty would ever fully vanish; there will always be a lurking fear that a fate tied to his can only mean suffering and disappointment. Prove his worth and compassion with time, and this man will be unable to remember how life was lived before her. It would take a great deal of patience and a sizable obstacle, but it wouldn’t be impossible. His heart is much too big for that, I think.

I don’t think happiness with a turned MC is impossible, only that it would take a lot of work to swing it after a heated moment of decision. I think the way to go with Leonardo is a more enduring effort. He shows much more receptivity after years of being together. I think time, ironically, helps him relax into the possibility of forever as a couple. I think he cannot conceptualize a world in which he is in love, and that this love is not conditional--not dependent on his ability to be the perfect companion, the brilliant inventor, the equanimous mentor. I think he needs to see for himself that love can be gentle and real and whole even when he’s at his worst (by his self-perception). 

Also I put some extra meta under the cut because I have brainworms and just can’t stop thinking about Leonardo rn so read if you like, but it’s more related to why he feels this way abt turning MC than necessarily about the outcome. 

That being said, I'm conflicted because I don't necessarily think Leonardo only loves MC because she's human? (Rather, I think it’s more a result of his history and the values he’s developed in response to that upbringing. But I’ll loop back to this in a bit, so stay tuned)

I say this for two reasons. Firstly, I don't want to say that no person in this period shared his values (I mean look at Comte)--this would be an overstatement, even if it was rare. But it does appear that Comte and Leonardo are acute exceptions within vampire society in elevating human beings to an equal status among vampires (if not a higher status at points or depending on the person). As such, a vampire partner he’d be comfortable living with is unlikely. Human beings are more optimal in some regards (more adaptable and more egalitarian than vampires, most likely), but he also knows that he’s more susceptible to falling in love with a human; so he makes sure to squash his feelings or remove himself when his feelings become too intense. 

Secondly, he's in close quarters with MC by necessity, and reacts to her isolation by virtue of the situation. That's probably half the reason they get together at all; he was fully intending to keep his distance despite his initial curiosity. One thing this signals to me is that even when Leonardo did feel attraction to any person he was in contact with, he would avoid them until they were removed from his presence--or he deflected their romantic approaches enough times for them to give up. With this in mind, it can come as no surprise that Leonardo has kept to himself for nearly five hundred years now. If it was another vampire hitting on him (especially a pureblood), he would be playing into his parents' expectations and would approach the vampire social hierarchy he was working so hard to escape. If they were human, he would deem himself a burden; he could never love them within the normal expectations of a human couple (growing old together, raising a family, etc etc). So ultimately I think it's less her being human, and more their compatibility and context.

As such, I think he just locks himself into a kind of Catch-22? Because in the end I think this is more about his own fears and insecurities--that he can never make someone happy, that he himself will never be enough (hello child of abusive home). Not to oversimplify his character, but one crucial element of his upbringing must be considered if he is to be analyzed properly.

There's something I often think about:

Comte, quoting Leonardo: "‘Not all parents love their children, or even think of them as such.’"  [Though he got away and was able to make a life for himself, he had to do it alone.]

There is. A LOT to unpack here. While we may not have evidence of what his familia is like firsthand, this description tells us...so many heartbreaking things. It tells us that Leonardo never once felt like anything more than a child intended to carry on a legacy. The likelihood that his insights, his feelings, or his entire self-hood were acknowledged is pretty much at a hardcore negative three. While it's been a good number of years since he was the problem child/family disappointment, I feel like so many of those experiences seep into his capacity to properly accept the love of another person. It's a good portion of the reason he struggles so intensely with being loved despite his unfathomable wealth of affection for other people. When a person is diagnosed with unlovable and cringe for having positive feelings for others, it's not really surprising that a person might have trouble accepting a commitment or attraction to another person. There is...a kind of Sisyphus dilemma that surfaces in the wake of that kind of life, a constant push + pull between craving acceptance and either expecting it’s loss and/or fearing it’s disappointment. Though he shows signs of healing from it, there are still portions that linger. (Jean-Paul shakes him from this self-berating in his MS, but after four hundred years he still struggles to overcome those instincts. I wish there were words for the extent to which that knowledge breaks my heart...Many say time heals all wounds, but sometimes I think only others can heal them.)

Keep in mind, I don't think his enduring fallacy that "human beings are the epitome of untainted purpose and vitality" is irrelevant or less problematic here. I just think it's a reflection of a deeper disturbance and loss. It's a reflection of his parents' unilateral rejection of the kinder parts of him; his devotion to patience and understanding. It's a kind of reiteration or what he's already known: he's doing exactly what his parents did in an odd way, he's rejecting vampirism whole-scale despite evidence of both pros and cons (just as it is for humanity). I will always offer that his fear of something going wrong during the change is completely valid--but it does feel more like a fear of admitting that vampires (and eternity for that matter) aren't inherently awful. He ran away from his parents for good reason of course, but for all his running he didn’t escape their black and white logic.

It’s funny too, because his absolutism is kind of reflected in his inability to commit to a single discipline in some ways; while part of it is that he probably exhausts study, I have to wonder how much of him oscillating is a fear of eventual failure. (Think his reaction to MC’s knowledge that he can’t dance, his mortification and utter...shock that she wouldn’t use it as a way to make him feel terrible about himself). He probably prefers to hone his skills helping people because the motivation of providing relief is a much more powerful motivator than knowledge for knowledge’s own sake. He needs the impetus, that drive to move him.

Granted, I won't fault anyone for feeling like Leonardo only loves MC for her humanity. At first glance it really did feel that way! But the more I think about it, the more I feel it has more to do with the weight of his life's experience, and the parts of himself he hasn’t been able to reconcile.

Sometimes, with Leonardo, I urge gentleness. So much of who he is disguises all the ways in which he has been hurt. While his decision is selfish and foolish, it comes from a broken place. My unhappiness will always lie predominantly with the fact that he believes to his core that happiness and self-respect is something he doesn’t deserve. 

[neuxue]

Wheel of Time liveblogging: Towers of Midnight prologue (part 3)

Levelling up and last stands

Graendal to Galad, and now Galad to Padan Fain. It’s like alignment whiplash.

The sky was black. A tempest. He liked that, though he hated the one who caused it.

This is great because there’s just a hint of ambiguity to who that actually may be. Rand? Or the Dark One? And when you have to ask, even for a second…well, that’s sort of the point, isn’t it.

Hatred. It was the proof that he still lived, the one emotion left.

Well, that’s one more than Rand at any rate.

(Pre-Dragonmount, I mean).

Padan Fain exists to chew scenery and you know what buddy? Chew away. Live your dreams.

Did his hatred cause that storm? It must be so. Yes.

Sorry Fain; pretty sure Rand has first claim on I am the storm. He just carries it better, you see. It’s a good look on him and we don’t mess with that.

I typo-ed that as ‘it’s a god look on him’ and really�� either way.

When you accepted madness into yourself – embraced it and drank it in as if it were sunlight or water or the air itself – it became another part of you.

I’m mostly amused by how similar this sounds to the wording of Egwene thinking of how the Aiel handle pain. In this case I don’t think it’s particularly intentional or meaningful or anything, but it amuses me.

Another part of you. Like a hand or an eye.

Not sure those are the best examples, given Rand and also very likely at some point Mat, but sure.

He was finally free.

Has something changed? Oh, wait. Is this the first we’ve seen of him since saidin was cleansed? And Shadar Logoth destroyed? I think it is, in which case… interesting. Particularly interesting since it doesn’t seem to have affected the dagger’s power – Fain’s still obsessed with his precious, at any rate – and last we heard Rand’s wound(s) hadn’t healed. But Shadar Logoth was destroyed, and its power seemingly with it, more or less, and so now Fain or Mordeth or Smeagol or whoever he is these days is free, in a manner of speaking. That’ll end well for everyone involved, I’m sure.

Oh he killed a worm. And he’s in the Blight so that’s a Worm. Im…pressive?

Mist had begun to trail him, creeping up from the ground. Was that mist his madness, or was it his hatred? It was so familiar. It twisted around his ankles and liked at his heels.

Like a yellow fog, that rubs its back upon the window panes, a yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window panes, licks its tongue into the corners of the evening…

No? Or perhaps like, say, Mashadar? I mean, maybe it’s nothing, but if it’s not nothing, that’s… concerning. Were more things freed than Fain, in the ruination of Shadar Logoth? Open to give the world hope but did it also release some element of despair?

The mist struck.

And unless we’ve transported into one of Sanderson’s original works, that means I’m right and the cleansing of saidin did indeed have some… unintended consequences. Which is fitting, in a grander sense of balance, but still kind of… well, sad.

So Fain has levelled up again, it would seem, which is the outcome absolutely no one needed.

That said, he played enough of a part early on, and enough has been made of him from time to time afterwards, that it would be kind of weird to leave him out of the ending. Personally I wouldn’t particularly mind; watching him chew scenery is fun enough from time to time but the rest of the time I sort of tend to forget about him, and I’m not particularly invested in anything to do with him, and the slightly more critical side of me wonders if he was ever truly necessary as a character… but at this point in a series, once you have a character like that, dropping them now would feel untidy. It would feel like an oversight, or like lazy plotting.

Which is hard, when everything about him suggests that his entire purpose is to be a wildcard character. He doesn’t have a clear fated role to play in all of this, unless it’s something to do with his link to the dagger and, via that, to Mat somehow.

Instead, he’s a powerful entity on a third side in a two-sided war. Yes, there are far more factions than that within each of those sides, and so much of the point of the last several books has been that lack of unity, and the tragedy but perhaps inevitability of fighting against those who should be your allies, of losing sight of the larger conflict in favour of the smaller and more immediate ones, and of trying to forge some kind of alliance despite that, and the ways in which that can succeed or fail.

But Fain is less a part of that and more a completely outside element. Not, in a way, unlike Aridhol itself was, as it became Shadar Logoth. A darkness and an evil that came from a form of the Light and its hatred of the Shadow and, over time, twisted. And therefore was an evil that was not truly of the Shadow, but was no longer an ally of the Light. Instead it was its own poison.

That’s kind of what Fain is. Which certainly has potential, as a story element, but I am curious to see how that’s played, and how well it’s played, given the sheer volume of characters we’re dealing with, and the size of this conflict, and the many other themes already at play. Can his role, whatever it is, end up feeling satisfying? I guess we’ll read and find out on that one.

Anyway, that was a bit of a tangent, but the point of it was: yes, he’s levelled up, because I think he has to in order to have a hope of having his part in the ending being interesting or satisfying.

Red below, black above. Red and black, red and black, so much red and black.

See, the thing is, I know for a fact that Brandon Sanderson is a fan of Les Miserables, so I am fully justified in humming ‘red, the blood of angry men; black, the dark of ages past….’

Also, Moridin would approve. Of the colour scheme, if nothing else.

And also of the chaos. Some say the world will end in (bale)fire, some say in ice, and Padan Fain says fuck it why not evil killer mist. Less poetic but sure.

(Let’s play a little game called: over the course of the liveblog, how much of an English Literature syllabus do we think I’ve referenced? …on second thought let’s not play that game)

Oh, the Trollocs didn’t die, they just got a Mashadar Makeover and now they’re competing for Malkier’s Blight’s Next Top Abomination.

He left the Myrddraal. It would not rise, as rumours said they did. His touch now brought instant death to one of its kind. Pity. He had a few nails he might have otherwise put to good use.

Perhaps he should get some gloves. But if he did, he couldn’t cut his hand. What a problem.

The thing is, while the style here is very Sanderson, for a character like Fain it actually works pretty well. Which is mainly, I think, because I have long suspected Sanderson has a soft spot for writing characters who are utterly batshit and having the time of their lives with it. Pass the scenery, and the salt. Yum.

Like an old friend. A dear, beloved old friend that you were going to stab through the eye, open up at the gut and consume by handfuls while drinking his blood. That was the proper way to treat friends.

Sure, it lacks the undertone of beautiful horror, and the poetry of Machin Shin whispering about braiding flayed skin, which is in a way a shame. But it conveys the essential message and character, and at least for me, this works well as an example of Sanderson’s approach of not trying to imitate style because that could go so badly, but instead emulating the feel of the story itself. Sometimes it doesn’t work, but here, at least for me, it does.

It's ironic in a way that it’s a similar thing to what he’s done with Mat, but it has the opposite effect. With Mat – I’ve written about this elsewhere, but tl;dr is that I think he read Mat as funny and so tried to write Mat as funny, using his own methods rather than Jordan’s because imitating style exactly is a lost cause, but something very essential was lost in the translation (like the fact that Mat himself isn’t really humorous; it more comes from the contrast of his thoughts with his actions, and his character against the world around him, but I digress again). So he went for ‘convey the same idea through my own methods rather than trying to imitate Jordan’s’ – consciously or subconsciously – and it backfired. But with Fain, he’s taken the same approach – ‘convey a scenery-chewing wildcard who has lost every mind he’s possessed, which is several’ – and this time the same-idea-different-style still gets that across in a way that feels true to character.

Obviously mileage can and will vary on whether or not this works, but for me it’s just an interesting study in how a certain approach or method can succeed or fail depending on exactly how and where it’s applied, and what the cause of that success or failure may be – why it works in one place but not another, and what went right or wrong.

It is, I think, something of a writing exercise if you want to turn it into one. A bit like reverse-engineering an outline from a book you’ve read (I do this often; I realised at some point that I was doing it and then I made a point of doing it deliberately, and it’s super interesting, and for me at least it’s helped me think more deliberately about the structure of a story, and how that can be leveraged for different effects). But thinking about the specifics of what does or doesn’t work for you about the authorship switch – a particular character, or a scene, or the pacing, or the handling of a certain theme, or anything else – and then digging into the specifics of why it works, or doesn’t.

That, for me, has been more interesting than just picking out the differences. Sure, I’ll nitpick, but I prefer not to focus on it, because ‘this is different’ feels… kind of pointless. Of course it’s different. Figuring out exactly what is different, or why it’s different is interesting sometimes. But also figuring out where and how that difference matters or doesn’t is more what I’m trying to get at here. Because some of the differences, I don’t mind. Some, I do. And trying to understand why I mind some and not others has been helpful at least for me in, again, understanding all of those elements of a story or piece of writing better, and thinking about how they could be used or changed or recombined.

But then, I’m the kind of person who likes to take things apart to figure out how they work. And also to overthink every goddamn text I consume.

Still, it’s a fun one if you’re in the market for writing exercises to try whilst in quarantine.

*

Malenarin Rai. Bold of you to introduce a new POV character in the penultimate book of a series that already has dozens if not hundreds, but that’s WoT for you.

Also it’s a prologue so the rules are different.

Heeth Tower is a weird name. Heeth. But then, I don’t think Sanderson has ever been quite as good with names as Jordan was. And that’s the sort of change I’m not going to get too worked up over. (Also, it was Jordan who gave us Mountains of Dhoom, so I rest my case).

The whistling wind rattled the wooden shutter.

It’s not time for the wind yet; we’re still in the prologue! Wait your turn, wind; chapter one should be here any day now.

Using a Trolloc horn as a paperweight is pretty badass, Malenarin, but Furyk Karede and his human skull wineglass might offer some competition.

I don’t think we’ve spent much – any, depending on where exactly the scene in TPoD’s prologue takes place – time in Kandor outside of New Spring. I guess we’ve got to finish filling in the map now; we’ve only got one book left!

Malenarin’s son is turning fourteen soon, so he might just be lucky enough to get Tarmon Gai’don as a birthday party.

He smiled, setting the Trolloc horn on the note, in case that shutter broke open again. He’d slain the Trolloc who had borne that horn himself. Then he walked over to the side of his office and opened his battered oak trunk. Among the other effects inside was a cloth-wrapped sword, the brown scabbard kept well oiled and maintained, but faded with time.

Typing it out, it’s not even that similar, but reading this my first thought was of Tam al’Thor, pulling out his old trunk and his old sword at the beginning of The Eye of the World, before giving it to Rand as he sets off on his coming-of-age story.

To have a duty was to have pride – just as to bear a burden was to gain strength.

In moderation, though. *Looks pointedly at Rand al’Thor*

I still don’t understand how turning their backs on the Blight to go find the Dragon Reborn to tell him to pay attention to the Blight is a good idea for the Borderland rulers. I must be missing something here and I hope it is eventually revealed to me, because otherwise that is terrible strategy on so many counts.

The only way to go to the fourth level was to climb a narrow, collapsible ramp on the outside of the tower

What could possibly go wrong? I mean, last time we were in Kandor a kid was thrown off a balcony, so…

[Jargen] wore a cord looped around the shoulder of his brown uniform; it bore a knot for each Trolloc he’d killed. There had to be approaching fifty knots in the thing by now.

That’s cute, Rand says, flicking dust off his shoulder Luke-Skywalker-in-The-Last-Jedi style, and flicking some Arrows of Fire off with it to torch another thousand or so Trollocs without breaking a sweat.

But okay, yes, for an ordinary non-protagonist non-Lan in a random guard tower in Kandor, I suppose that qualifies as pretty badass.

The beacons have been lit! Gondor Rena Tower calls for aid!

Pretty sure that’s your cue, Lan.

Or not; Malenarin seems to think it’s his cue to confirm the SOS and start preparing the tower for… bad things, probably.

Seriously, wind, wait your turn.

Of course his son is next on the list of messenger boys to be sent out. Well, it’s a better fate than being thrown off a balcony at least. Maybe.

‘No, we need to send several messengers. Double up. Just in case the towers fall.’

Do you have any uncrowned infant kings you want to send as well? Just checking.

Malenarin let himself feel a hint of relief that his son was one of those riding to safety. There was no dishonour in that; the messages needed to be delivered, and Keemlin was next on the roster.

There is a kind of parallel here – less a parallel, perhaps, than an echo – to Lan. A son sent to safety as a Borderland hold prepares to fall, the sense of a last stand. Because in the Borderlands perhaps that is not so unusual a story, in its way. The Wheel of Time turns.

It was time for Tarmon Gai’don. And looking out into the storm, Malenarin thought he could see to the very edge of time itself. An edge that was not so far distant.

Maybe you should have a dream-chat with Moridin, Malenarin. Maybe it’s just the air in the Blight: gives you nihilist thoughts.

Oh oops, his son wasn’t one of the messengers to go. Because he decided to be all noble and let another boy go in his place, whose mother had already lost four sons. That’s sweet, kid, and it’ll probably get you killed.

Tian, Sanderson? Named after another ill-fated messenger boy in your own works, perhaps?

‘Run down to my office,’ Malenarin said. ‘There is a sword in my oaken trunk. Fetch it for me.’

Aw. Because his son has proven himself a man, three whole days early. Because we’re approaching the end now, and it’s time for everyone to take their last steps into their roles, become who they must be to face that end – whether they’re a protagonist or just some poor doomed kid in a tower in the Blight.

It's something these kinds of snapshot one-off scenes are good for: to show the scope of the story, that it touches everyone, no matter that they’ve never even met Rand or any of the others. And to give this sense of those final steps happening in snapshots like this across the land. The sense of an entire world taking a last deep breath. And so we pause for brief close-ups on the faces of some of the extras stepping onto the battlefield, to illustrate that.

Keemlin’s swearing his version of the ‘kill the bad things until we die or they do’ that every Borderland (and Aiel) nation seems to have, each with its own slight semantic variations.

‘Rise as a man, my son!’

This is no place, or time, for children. Ergo, he can no longer be a child, by simple virtue of being here. Which makes this a rather bittersweet moment; Malenarin’s proud of his son but there’s also this sense that far too many children are having to grow up far too fast in these last moments (and others will never grow up at all – in today’s theme of referencing poetry I like, go check out The Lads in their Hundreds).

They yelled defiance of the Shadow. For a moment, their voices rang louder than the thunder.

I don’t have a lot to say about this except that it’s a lovely image.

Together they turned to face the oncoming Shadow.

Nice knowing you.

Draghkar overhead and Trollocs oncoming, and they’re just a lonely tower waiting to die. I do love a doomed last stand, even if it’s characters I’ve never met before and likely will never see again.

Malenarin was a man of the Borderlands, same as his father, same as his son beside him. They knew their task. You held until you were relieved.

THAT’S YOUR CUE, LAN.

Next (ToM ch 1) Previous (ToM prologue pt.2)

[wwounu]

There’s laughing.

Most likely in the living room, but every heave of sound, the syncopated, smaller laughs in between, give a good indicator of who it’s coming from.

You sit up, reaching your arms along the bed, drawing out a long yawn. Although you were going to get up, you stay still and take in the room you’re in.

It’s been a month since you’ve moved in now — a month since your boyfriend treated you with Pooh Bear waffles and accepted your request to love with him — time flies, you muse.

Without further hesitation, you part from the bed, bare feet walking across the cold floor as you head to the warm laugh. Going into the living space, you see Seungcheol sat on the floor, a bunch of thick books around him.

To get his attention, you throw a cushion at him, smiling slightly. “Hey, your stupid laugh woke me up. Why are you so loud this morning?” Although you complain, you sit by his side, chuckling as your morning kiss is given to you, just like you expect it to be.

“Guess what I found — my parents gave me this before we left for college, I found it just now in my spare room.”

“Oh,” you shuffle, “oh my god — this is our high-school photos. Did I really style my hair like that?!” You gasp and Seungcheol laughs, amused.

He directs his finger to a class photo with the two of you at the back, arms slung around each other and pulling silly faces. “Remember that day?”

“It was the sports festival! Didn’t you run into those hurdles when you weren’t even doing hurdling—“

“Our classmates said someone got injured, I couldn’t help but run into them because I thought they weren’t joking! Jokes on me, they were just kidding this whole time!” Seungcheol pout, making you automatically move to kiss the grin away.

“At least you won for best sportsmanship,”

“Whatever. Everyone still laughed at my act… Hey Honey! One of our first dances—“

You squint at what you were wearing, along with how ridiculously youthful you and Seungcheol looked. “I remember when your parents took that! I almost spilled chocolate milk before we left and you were panicking because your tie wasn’t the same shade as my dress—“

“Are you just embarrassing me now…”

Lightly, you hit the male’s arm, leaning into his side as he flips through a few more pages, taking time to talk about a photo and its memories here and there. At some point, Seungcheol stops at a class photo, which comes to your realisation that although you two were separated by your groups of friends, Seungcheol kept his eyes directed to you.

“Honey, you remember my first love, right?”

Suddenly, an unfriendly feeling rose in your stomach. Still, you nod.

“Just curious — how much do you remember about her?”

You shrug. “A lot of things. You never shut up about her. To be honest… I was jealous at some point, how someone got you that lovestruck at that age…”

“Well, that’s the thing.” He gulps, head bobbing down the slightest. “You see…”

“I see…? I see what—“

“You. It was you.”

Immediately, your body tells you to sit up and stare at Seungcheol. Your ears have a slight ring with those words, a wave of unidentified feelings washing over you. Blinking, your boyfriend begins to move his lips again.

“You were my first love.”

Breath hitching, you voice becomes unable to say anything back, too shocked by the claim. Your heart raced faster by the words. Seungcheol’s influence was definitely strong on you.

He continues, “I… I didn’t want to confess directly to you about it because we were still in highschool — you didn’t find anyone attractive at the time and I thought my feelings would go away… Turns out, they didn’t.” He stares back at you now, with the same eyes that conveyed the same emotions when he kissed you and when you revealed your relationship to your friends.

They were the same eyes. No more, no less.

“Sure, I fell for other people too, but when I think about it… They always come back to you. There’s always a part of them that reminds me of you. It was never enough for me. But I couldn’t barge my feelings into you when you had your troubles holding yourself up — I didn’t want to force you to feel anything for me. But then our relationship got messy, and I really thought I messed it up then. But after all of that… We’re here, right now. I’m with my first love, my own childhood best friend, what more could I ever need?”

Because of your silence, Seungcheol continues to ramble.

“So yeah. You’re my first love, and it hasn’t changed since then. I dunno why I started talking about other things, but—“

He grunts as you cup his face with your hands and press your lips on his, Seungcheol not missing a beat as he holds onto you too, fingers tangled in your hair. He moves his lips to say something again, but you stop it with a kiss, and every other slight movement of his with a kiss, building up to what you want to say.

“I love you,” you breathe, locking your eyes with his as you say it slow and clear, Seungcheol physically shrinking in your hands as his expression turns vulnerable, the tips of his ears going red.

A fondness inside you grows watching the man still not be used to your words; you think he’ll never get used to them, and that’s the best part.

But do you know what’s better? Seungcheol can do the same exact thing to you.

Though shy, Seungcheol pulls you in one more time to kiss you on the lips, the photo album suddenly forgotten as he runs his thumbs over your cheekbones, his eyes seen through dark and long eyelashes.

“I love you, I love you, I love you.” He repeats, followed with a peck either on your cheeks, head and the corners of your lips. It’s a fact that Seungcheol expresses himself better with actions, so saying those words were rare in itself.

But because they were rare, it was more the reason to cherish it.

His forehead bumps with yours, the room silent, and the feeling of your cheeks growing warm as Seungcheol’s hands remain on your face.

“Say it back,” he hushes calmly, expecting.

“I love you, a lot.”

And the both of your grins blossom beautifully at the words, because this time, a little has turned into a lot.

OPPOSITES ATTRACT PART SEVENTEEN (FINAL) — Hopeless Romantic!Seungcheol x Hopeful Romantic!Reader

that’s their ending everyone~ i know that this wasnt the original idea for the ending, but i forgot the original one anyway hahaha... but it was going to end with seungcheol confessing about his first love and that was that. hehe. hm, what to say now... that’s another ending we can cross off! and possibly next week or the week after i’ll start SEUNGKWAN’s au, i cannot wait... however i have personal deadlines to meet this month so i hope i’ll get time to somewhat consistently update for seungkwans, then it’s jihoon and it’s the end of opposites attract! a sad thought, so im not gonna think any further of it. for now, thank you all again for reading and i hope you enjoyed this hellish ride. i hope you guys enjoy seungkwan’s next! as for now, i need to plan demonangel wonwoo today or else ill be in deep shite djdjdhj take care everyone!! | film enthusiast!seungkwan

one • two • three • four • five • five ½ • six • seven • eight • nine • nine ½ • ten • eleven • eleven ¼ • eleven ¾ • twelve • thirteen • fourteen • fifteen • sixteen • seventeen

masterlist

[imaginariumrpc]

okay so the lovely @imbicilite​ / @whitrph​ and i were talking and it gave me the idea and we thought it was a great idea to spread it around so here’s how it goes: when talking with someone about pretty much anything tbh, but especially for something that could potentially be triggering, communicate with color codes based on city traffic lights ! GREEN means it’s good to talk about these things and you’re not feeling triggered by the topic, YELLOW means to slow down or stop talking about the topic at for now while RED means to stop the conversation about the topic immediately until green again where the conversation can divert into another topic or they feel safe to talk about it again !! this is EXTREMELY important, because it’s a way to alert others that you’re going to be talking about something that could possibly upset someone because of the subject matter, especially for those who may get triggered by a certain topic - even without you realizing it because squicks and triggers can honestly be anything, it could be different words or phrases or certain topics - and can cause severe anxiety in those affected, even panic attacks or flashbacks, and because we want to be considerate and respectful towards one another, it’s important that we use these to help our friends and fellow rpers know that we’re going to be posting or talking about something they might not want to see or talk about, and it’s of utmost importance to make them feel safe, it’s best to use this to be a more supportive friend and a member of the rpc!!

on a sidenote, i’m also here to tell you about tone indicators !! keep in mind that i didn’t come up with nor invent the concept of tone tags itself, but it was being spread around for a while now and i’d figured i’d talk about it !! essentially, tone indicators are used to indicate if the person is joking, being serious, etc., neurodivergent people often have trouble conveying and understanding emotion and tone through written text, using tone indicators is really helpful for neurodivergent people to make it easier for them to read/convey, it is also very helpful for people with anxiety. i encourage anyone who reads this to also type the meaning of the tone tag ( i.e: i love you !! /p for platonic ), so it is more accessible for neurodivergent and disabled people, like those who use screen readers.

“why should we use tone tags?” one might ask, but as an autistic, disabled and otherwise neurodivergent person myself, sometimes i don’t always get my friends and fellow mutual’s tones by their message but when they use tone indicators, it helps me understand and, not to mention that it can be really helpful and avoid misunderstandings. i would also like to note that NOT ALL neurodivergent people want you to use tone indicators on them, so if they don’t want you to use tone tags on them, please respect their wishes.

“i don’t like tone tags!” one might add, well, okay... but don’t make fun of the people that use them, it’s not a big deal, and if you’re a neurotypical who insists on not using tone tags when a neurodivergent person clearly asked you to, get your head out of your ass.

“using /j at the end of a joke ruins it!!” one might bitch, and okay but... it might be ruined for you, but it still makes me laugh, personally, so please try and get used to it, and not to mention, what’s more important: making sure you’re clear with your tone so that there’s no misunderstandings or throwing a fit just because the joke’s ruined for you?

additionally, some other things to keep in mind !! please do not mock the use of tone tags, you may not need them but some people do, not everyone can tell when something is a joke, when someone’s either being platonic, romantic or sexual in intentions, etc.,, especially when there’s no visual cues or tones of voice to help us, just be nice about it, it’s... really not hard, man. if you don’t use a tone tag and someone reads the tone of your statement incorrectly, do not get upset with them or laugh at them for not getting it - that is perpetuating ableism and/or sanism, whether you intentionally intend it or not. just kindly clarify and next time, keep in mind that tone tags are very helpful for neurodivergent, disabled and people with anxiety disorders. using a tone tag isn’t an excuse to be mean either, you can’t just say something mean or not cool and then put /j ( “joking” ) after it to get away with it, don’t be an ass. if you’re saying something that could be anxiety inducing for others, i would highly recommend putting the tone tags at not only the end but also the beginning of that post. do not intentionally use tone tags incorrectly “as a joke”, to confuse people, etc., the entire point of tone tags is to clarify, not confuse people, if you intentionally use them incorrectly, you’re an ass. keep in mind that no one has to use all the tone tags, use what you’d like, respect others who use what they would like, use them however feels rights to you. for me personally, sometimes i use multiple, sometimes only one, or sometimes none at all, just do what feels right, depending on who i’m talking to and how long i’ve known this person or group of people i’m speaking to, it’ll be fine, and if someone asks for clarification on what you mean, that’s okay, kindly clarify for them. additionally, please be patient if people don’t know what tone tags are, someone might not even be aware of what they are and that’s not their fault, just patiently explain it to them or link them to a source !! education always helps !! please don’t use “/srs or serious” as a joke, some neurodivergent and/or disabled people don’t need you to use three tone tags, and in my case, i’m presuming you’re neurotypical if you’re doing that when conversing with me, but what i’m trying to say is it looks like you’re babying us neurodivergents / disabled folx, so try to use only two tags ( that is, if that person is okay with it !! ), because some people don’t need you to use three tags.

please note that the following aren’t every single example out there and there are different terminologies in different languages, but they are important, a few examples of these are: 

“/j = joking / used when saying something in a joking manner, “so im pretty much the president of oreos /j”, 

“/hj = half joking / used when saying something that’s kind of a joke but kind of serious / “well,,,,, im usually right /hj” / 

“/s or /sarc / refers to the opposite of what you really want to say / “i just [clenches fists] love...... being sad..... /s”, 

“/srs / used when saying something you really mean / “i really appreciate you /srs””, 

“/nsrs = not serious / used when saying something not too seriously / “you’re the worst /nsrs”, 

“/lh = lighthearted = used when something’s said lightheartedly / “hEY LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS /lh” / i’d say something like this when me and my friends would get into a silly argument and they’re trying to ask my opinion on a topic”, 

“/ij = referring to something that’s only understood by people with special knowledge about something, typically only a small group of friends or a group of people would be aware of, those outside of the group would most likely be confused by it or not find it funny in the same way people within in the group would / “aAAAAAAAAA MY NUGGIES!!!!! /ij””, 

“/ref = a reference to media, usually movies, tv, music, etc., “yOU SHALL NOT PAAAAAAAASSSSSSS /ref”, 

“/t = teasing, use when teasing someone or provoking someone, often playfully, “aiight sure mx idk wtf im doin /t”, 

“nm = not mad, to indicate you’re not actually mad or upset about something / “ow... i felt that /nm”, 

“lu = a little upset / used when about about something or someone, but not too upset / “oh... that sucks /lu”, 

“/nbh = “nobody here” = often used when talking about something vague to ensure your friends it’s not indirectly to or about them / “sometimes i just wanna..... tell someone to shut the fuck up /nbh”, 

“/nay = not at you / used when saying something but not meaning it at the person you’re responding to / “god i can’t stand lame people /nay”, 

“/ay = “at you”, make the person aware you’re addressing them”, 

“/g or /gen = used when saying or asking something for real / “i’m proud of you /g” or “have you watched the news?? /gen”, 

“/th = threat, used when giving a genuine threat / “if you don’t stop, i’ll block you /th”, 

“/p = platonic, a friendship type of love, used when saying something with platonic intentions / “i love you /p”, 

“/r = romantic intentions, typically of partners when saying something with romantic intentions / “i love you /r””, 

“/a = alterous, an attraction best described as wanting emotional closeness without necessarily being at all or entirely platonic and/or romantic, used when saying with alterous intentions / “i love you /a””

“/m = metaphor / used when saying something metaphorically / “god you’re a shining star /m””

“/li = literal / used when saying something literally / “i hate pears /li””

“/rh = rhetorical / a question asked in order to create a dramatic effect or to make a point rather than to get an answer / used when saying or asking something rhetorically / “who cares? /rh””

“/hyp = hyperbole, exaggerated statements or claims not meant to be taken literally ; “i have a million things to do today”

“/sx = sexual intent, used when meaning something in a sexual way”, 

“/nsx = nonsexual intent, used when meaning something in a not sexual way”, 

“/pos = positive / used when saying something and meaning it in a positive way / “omg im gonna cry /pos”, implied they’re crying for a happy reason”, 

“/neg = negative / used when saying something and meaning it in a negative way / “omg im gonna cry /neg”, implied they’re crying for an upsetting reason”, and 

“/neu = neutral / used to show that what you’re saying is neutral or that you feel indifferent about it / “yeah i don’t care man do what you want /neu”, you don’t care about something but not in a mean or a negative way, you’re just indifferent”.

on a final note, HERE is a list of tone tags both in english and in other languages ( namely italian, spanish, portuguese, french, polish, german, lithuanian, serbian, dutch, indonesian, romanian, bulgarian, russian, hebrew, japanese, mandarin and korean !! ) and HERE are the list of sources about the content of tone tags !! i wish everyone reading this a lovely day !!

[anonym0us3s]

FROZEN 2 Thoughts

Warning spoilers ahead.

This one is more complex than F1, emotionally and narratively.

The movie starts with a foreshadowing, a scene with young Elsa and Anna playing "Enchanted Forest" and a lullaby that pales in comparison to Frozen Heart but still good. (Young Elsa showing she is either asexual or gay) Then we see Elsa, about to perform her duties as queen, she start hearing a voice, a voice that leads her to awoke and anger the magical spirits dangering arendelle. And we have an adventure.

The story is okay atleast. Just okay. It tries to achieve epicness, it has potential but with so many subplots, the story somewhat suffers. There were times during scenes when i felt like this scene needs to be fleshed out more like you know, like explain the fuckin role of a 5th spirit? What does it entail?, or give us more info about the Elements?,

Yet the movie delved too much on Kristoff's arc which is unrelated to the plot. Even his ballad, which i think is a good song is unrelated to the plot. An 80's music video who has no business being there. Waste of 4minutes.

Kristoff Anna relationship - i still think they are a bad match. They are so out of sync, this movie proves it. but opposites attract i guess whatever.. blehhhh!!

Another issue is, too many new characters that are not fleshed out i wont even care if they die after we met them. Honeymaren has role that can be performed by Yelena, Ryder is unnecessary since he connects with the other unnecessary guy in the movie so they should have removed those two.

Olaf.. ahh olaf, atleast you made me laugh. Samantha?.

Iduna - although im still not sold on how she is the answer to everything, i love iduna's character and her relationship withbher daughters. Im still salty that Anna was not included in the "call", that its just between Elsa and Iduna. She may not be magical but common, she is also her daughter and she is also half of the bridge shit they keep spewing!! Finally, Im happy she was able to tell agdar the truth about her life before they passed. And seems like he accepted her after everything!! True Love!!

Elsa and Anna. Ahhh, the heart of the franchise. The siblings who would do anything for the other. Im happy we get to see more of them. I cant say im happy with their ending but as Grand Pabbie said, never a dull moment with this two.

The love (platonic or otherwise, which ever suits you) and bond between the sisters is strong. They are very protective of each other. Elsa is all about carrying the burden and danger alone while Anna is all about sharing the burden. Their greatest fear is losing one another. This is one of the saving grace of the movie.

The animation thou id give it an 12/10. The animators where able to convey the emotions of the characters. The Enchanted Forest really felt like an enchanted forest. Its so magical. The fight between elsa and the element are also good.

The ending is rushed as we already know. But i love the frohana hug. Honestly, i dont get where the Elsa hates Kristoff thing came from. Nothing really implies that. He was so relieved when he saw her alive, and she opens her arms for a hug..

Although they answered where Elsa's powers came from, this movie opens a lot more questions.

Im going to say this again. THE SEPARATION IS UNNECESSARY!!

ALSO, AGDAR BECAME KING OF ARENDELLE THE MOMENT HE CAME HOME!!! Yet they waited for Elsa to turn 21 before crowning her. Choose, Plothole? or this country is so sexist?! I'll go with the latter. Granpa is a fuckin murderer and a backstabber.

And hah!! ELSA not comfortable with her people is a farce. She even makes ice figurines for the children, comfortable enough she bends so the kids whisper what they want.!

[blxxdsweatntears]

I want to request a drabble where tae is with his s/o watching the nightsky and the moment is very romantic and she confesses him. I want some fluff and happy momemts

im so mad i was almost done writing this and tumblr erased all my progress so here’s round 2😔✊🏽 sorry this turned out quite long for a drabble but i have a Lot Of Feelings™️

-

-

-

You wholeheartedly expected Taehyung to say no. To tell you to try to sleep. Instead he told you to get dressed, and that he would be in front of your house in 15 minutes. It was 1:54 am, and the raspiness of his voice when you called told you he was very tired, if not asleep.

15 minutes later, there he was. Dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie, he was there for you. He knew you were struggling recently and would always come when you called, knowing how hard it was for you to admit you needed help.

You smiled at him and he smiled back, watching you step out of your building. He did a dramatic bow, “Greetings, Madame y/n, any requests for a specific location this evening?” you rolled your eyes at his theatrics as you walked up to him to give him a quick hug.

“Just away. I want to look at the stars.” you said simply, and he nodded before releasing you from the hug. Soon enough, the two of you were off to his abandoned place of choice.

Taehyung drove you a little ways out of the city. You could see the scattered lights of the city if you looked behind you, and you smiled a little. You listened to the sound of the truck driving over the gravelly road, inhaling the smell of the fields surrounding you as your hair whipped around in the wind due to the windows being down. You looked up at the sight of the stars above you, brighter now that the lights weren’t polluting the sky. Then you looked at Taehyung next to you, one hand on the wheel and the other intertwined with your fingers. He wore a beanie, probably to disguise his bedhead but he looked ethereal nonetheless, even in the darkness.

He glanced at you quickly before grinning slightly and turned his eyes back to the road, pulling into a small area to park. He turned his truck off and unbuckled his seat belt, taking his hand back from you. You did the same and hopped out of the truck. You walked towards the back, going to meet him halfway. He opened the back door first, but you couldn’t exactly see why until you saw the blankets and pillows in his arms. You could barely see his face. You grinned.

He tossed the blankets in the back and hopped up into the bed of the truck, quickly laying them out and offering you his hand to help you into the bed. You accepted, and quickly got comfortable in a close cuddle. You nuzzled your face into his chest, your arm wrapping around him in a hug. His opposite arm came to rest over yours, his thumb rubbing back and forth on your tricep.

It was quiet and peaceful for a few moments, you listening to the steady sounds of Taehyung’s breathing, his strong heartbeat a lullaby to your ears.

You felt more than you heard him chuckle beneath you. “I thought you wanted to watch the stars, not my chest, hun.”

He couldn’t see your face but you were positive you were blushing. You huffed and turned so you too, were laying on your back, your head laying on his left arm, body still facing him with your legs over his.

“Well pardon me, Mr. Comfy Pillow. You’re nice to lay on.” you retorted, gazing up at the sky nonetheless. He snickered but said nothing else.

It was peaceful. The two of you layed there for a while, pointing out the occasional shooting star or presumed planet (neither of you knew too much about astronomy). Taehyung did point out the three constellations he knew, though, following the patterns with his finger.

The two of you went back and forth, talking, making jokes under the night sky. During one particular laughing fit you opened your eyes to find him staring at you, his eyes seemingly replaced by stars, they were twinkling so much. You blushed slightly, “What’s that look for, Tae?” you asked shyly. Your heart raced. Were you finally going to tell him?

He didn’t respond, he just kept staring at you. Your heart beat harder. You saw his eyes trace over your face, taking in every feature. You’re sure you were blushing heavily by now. “Tae?” you managed to squeak out under his intense gaze. You watched his eyes flicker to your lips, lingering there for a few moments before meeting you eyes.

“y/n.”

You gasped slightly as he moved forward, his forehead gently resting against yours. His eyes left yours to focus on your lips once more as you gasped. You were positive your heart was going to beat out of your chest now.

“Can I kiss you?” he whispered.

Your eyes went wide, looking into his for any sign of a joke, to find anything to see that he wasn’t serious. Was he? The passionate look in his dark brown eyes told you he was indeed, very serious.

You nodded, and your eyelids fluttered closed as he moved closer, his warm breath brushing against your lips before meeting them softly.

Soft. So soft. His lips were so soft. Your heart was pounding and you were dizzy with affection and overwhelmed with the feeling that Taehyung was currently kissing you.

His lips moved against yours softly, carefully, his other hand coming up to hold the side of your neck, his thumb brushing your cheek affectionately. You felt your eyes grow hot with tears. He was being so sweet. Taehyung was always so sweet. The most ideal best friend, your closest confidant. But those were the forsaken words. Best friend. Did he really share your feelings?

You felt him pull back, and when you opened your eyes you saw surprise on his beautiful features. His thumb swiped at a tear on your cheek and he turned towards you completely, both of you laying on your sides.

“Hey, darling what’s wrong? Did you not want me to kiss you? You could have stopped me, you-“ “Tae, it’s not you, it’s okay. It’s me.” you interjected, stopping him from feeling guilty. Your throat closed up at your growing emotions. More tears fell down your cheeks which he quickly wiped away, growing more concerned. “What’s wrong?” he questioned again, his tone soft and patient.

You let out a small sob. He was still being so considerate. Your mind raced, with thoughts that he could never love you the way you loved him, and another half of your mind fighting and saying he was here now, he’s always been there, when he never owed you anything, he always chose you. Your thoughts grew chaotic so you took a deep breath and hugged him, burying your face into his chest and gripping his hoodie before you spoke. He immediately held you close, rubbing your back and holding your head gently.

“Tae..” you rasped, the emotion clear in your voice. “I wish I could look at you as I say this but I’m too scared.. Yet I can’t keep it in anymore. Tae, I love you. More than friend love. I love you like I want to wake up to your dorky snores every morning with Tannie at the end of our bed sleeping at our feet. I want to cook your favorite food and watch you eat enthusiastically with the stars in your eyes. I want to kiss your soft fucking lips whenever I want, I want to be the only one they kiss, I want-“

Your rant was cut short by him pulling you back slightly and pressing his lips to yours, not as gentle as the first time. It was full of passion, purpose, and emotion. One hand held your face, the other pulling you closer to him. He kissed you hard, trying to convey his emotions through actions. You tasted his salty tears when they slipped into your kiss, snapping you out of your trance.

“Tae? You’re crying?” you asked, slightly panicked. You immediately wiped them away with your thumb. A million thoughts went through your mind before he laughed lightly.

“God, who would’ve thought you were going to confess first, you dork. I.. I love you too.” Your eyes widened at his declaration. He continued.

“I want my lips to be the only lips you kiss, I want your cooking to be the only cooking I come home to... Besides Jin’s because let’s be real, man can cook.” You snorted and slapped his chest. He laughed.

“I want Tannie to be our ring bearer, I want to do everything with you, live my life with you. I love you too, you massive dork.” he said, a huge smile on his face as he held your cheek in his hand.

You couldn’t help the tears flowing from your eyes now, this time full of happiness and love. You launched foward and tackled him into a hug, his back hitting the bed with you on top of him, hugging him so tightly. He laughed and brought you close, burying his face in your hair.

The next few minutes was just the two of you repeating “I love you” back and forth, hugging and kissing wherever you could reach. When you finally parted you noticed the growing light around you, the pinks and oranges of the dawn showering you two in a soft light.

You two sat up, cuddled together as you watched the sun rise. Leaving your other hand intertwined with his, you checked your phone, a picture of Taehyung with an ice cream cone smiling at you from your screen.

5:46 am

[slut-for-fandoms]

Paint me yours (kth x reader) PART 1

Pairings: Artist!Taehyung x reader

Genre: smut, fluff, angst (in the following chapters) 

Summary:  You are an art college student who struggles with finances. Until one day, on an exhibition of the arising artist Kim Taehyung, when the same boy offers you a job as his model. Would it be just a simple job or would it complicate your life in ways you have never thought it would?

Warnings: none in this one (perhaps my bad writing and lots of mistakes?) 

A/N: So here is the first chapter. I really don’t know what to think about it as i haven’t written anything in more than a year (so sorry guys but now I am back, yey) I really do hope you like it and please let me know what you think and whether you would like to be tagged in the series ♥ Enjoy 

Euphoria. Excitement. Happiness. Exaltation. A complete symphony of colors and emotions. Blue, purple, violet, azure - blended in such a way that glues you to the masterpiece. At places it seems unfinished, raw, as though the creator has been in a hurry. But at the same time it is so detailed that you wonder how long it took him to create it. It represents a woman, or to be more precise, a young girl. Long hair composed with ochre, amber, honey and a hint of gold, covers half of her pale face. Her lips are the perfect combination of red, cheery, wine and auburn. An orderly chaos of colors.

While everything seems just as raw painting, the most capturing features are the eyes. They are so detailed and express the condition of the girl. The sparks that make her look tangible grabs you on a roller coaster of thoughts and feelings and somehow makes you even experience the same state.  I move to the next painting.

Sadness. Affliction. Pain. Torment. The contrast between the used shades is much deeper. Pale yet dark. The more I look at it, the more it captivates me. All of the creations I saw were beyond amazing, complete masterpieces but this one… This one is different. One look and I got this strange feeling in my guts when we anticipate something bad, something that might hurt us.

The background is composed of dark shades, while the girl is sculpted of the pale range of colors. Again, the most detailed parts are the eyes. You get the feeling as if a soul was trapped inside the drawn girl that shows how much she suffers. The more you contemplate, the more you assume that the darkness around her represents the cruel world, while the bright yet shaded colors shows how fragile and broken she is. Is it from the world? What destroyed her? Who made her look like a shattered vase which parts are no longer going to form its beautiful shape?

Holding my glass of champagne I took some steps back and sat on the settee opposite the painting. Thanks god it wasn’t that low as they use to be in other galleries. I crossed my legs which caused the hem of my black dress to roll up slightly. As an art student, I tend to visit many exhibitions in order to get inspiration, gain knowledge of the new and unorthodox styles and improve mine. I can’t say I am complaining as we are given free access to any kind of such events. This is beyond amazing as now I am contemplating the art of one of the rising artists – Kim Taehyung. Honestly, I have never seen him but the critics consider him the new Van Gogh and now I understand why.

When I came I was so uneven about it, all the people here were rich and classy and I, a broken student with a cheap dress borrowed from her friend, had no place here. Everything was out of my league and I felt like garbage disfiguring this place.

“You seem really immersed into the picture.”, someone chucked, bringing me out of my thoughts. I looked up and saw man in golden suit and two glasses of champagne in his hands. His smile was so bright, genuine, that it made me blush slightly, “May I?”, he titled his head towards the settee as if asking if it was free.

“Ye- yeah, of course”, I stuttered and put a lock of fallen hair behind my ear.

His smile grew bigger and he took the free seat next to me.

“Here.”, he gave me one of the glasses. I looked up at him confused, “I saw that you have already finished yours so…”, I looked at my glass which was empty. I might have stayed there for a way longer time that I have thought. I left the glass on the floor next to the settee.

“Thank you.”, I gave him a smile, although inside I was feeling embarrassed, “Very fond of you.”, I said after taking the offered glass.

“Well, I just wouldn’t have forgiven myself if I have left such a beautiful lady sitting here by her side. The champagne was just an excuse to approach you.”, I bit my lip and tried to hide myself due to the blush that crept on my face.

“You are even more appealing when blushing.”, okay, I have never believed I could become so red but here I am.

“Please, stop.”, I stuttered through the smile that just grew bigger on my face.

“Why?”, he tilted his head and asked me with that sweet smirk still placed on his face, his eyes never leaving my figure, “you don’t like honest people?”, as a response I chuckled and tried to gain my dignity and look at him. Why was I such a blushing mess around this… stranger…a handsome stranger?

“It is just that you are the first one to approach me this evening.”, a slight feeling of sadness made my stomach turn as I recall the events, pardon, the lack of them from this night. I started playing with my hands as something as pity overwhelmed me.

“Well-”, his deep baritone voice made me look at him. This time he was facing the painting in front of us which gave me the opportunity to survey him. Soft pink lips, sweet roundy nose, medium long light eyelashes. Skin in the color of bronze and a golden suit that make him look like a god. Aristocratic hands with long fingers, adorned with rings. The way he is holding the glass gives you the thoughts that a prince is sitting oppose you, “It is their lose.”, he states after locking his eyes with mine. And then I’m completely lost. They are just like the sad girls’ in the paintings – full of emotions. I see the same spark that leads directly to his soul. It captivates you. There is love, care, tenderness that make my heart skips a beat. But also you can spot something wild and intriguing. An abyss of feelings kept locked deep inside.

He took a sip of his champagne which caught my attention and made me break the eye contact. How could such a simple action as drinking makes me wanna grab the brushes and paint this gorgeous creature on the canvas?

“I can’t say I am complaining of that.”, I followed his movements and took a taste of my drink, “They seem like they are here only for talking. All of them are just chit-chatting and just at times spare a glance at the paintings. It – It just looks like a gathering of the rich and bitchy class.”, suddenly he burst into laughing. Oh that sound… It was like a soft melody for my years I could listen to all day. It was so infectious and addicting.

“What?”, I asked confused but with a smile plastered on my face.

“I couldn’t have said it more correctly. I’ve met everybody in the gallery and yet you are the only one contemplating the works.”

“Isn’t that what we are supposed to do on an exhibition? But apart from that, these paintings, these masterpieces…”, I took a breath like looking at the sad girl opposite me, “they are captivating. There is life in them, there is soul. Undoubtedly the artist is one of the best I’ve ever come across. Many have the ability to draw, few have the talent to create a masterpiece, something that makes you stop and think. And these here, they indeed convey more than a hundred words.”

“And where do you think that comes from?”, he asks me in that deep voice of his. I turn my attention back on him to see the man already looking at me with a stern expression showing nothing.

“The ability to make a painting live?”, he nodded his head in agreement, “Pain.”

“Pain?”

“Pain. It is always the pain. Why do you think the greatest artists are those who have suffered the most?  Sadness, sorrow, ache, agony… they are different than the other feelings. When something good happens to you, you are happy for a short moment. Usually those moments tends to be forgotten way easier than the moments that our soul was in pain. It is just that the affliction we bottle inside us ruins us in the end. The knots in our stomach, the suffocating feeling in our chest… they are tormenting us and we all need a way to express them somehow, to try to get them out of us. And the answer is always the art. It doesn’t matter whether it would be with a brush or a pen in our hands, if we are going to compose a poem, song or just draw something.  We just want the pain away. For its tight fist around our hearts to weaken, for its dark thoughts to leave us at peace at night, for the tears to stop rolling down and choke us.”, I paused in order to take a sip of my champagne, feeling his eyes following my movements, “That is one of the reasons why I like this one so much.”, I continued pointing at the work before us, “It look as if not only the model had been sad, but also the artist.”, when I turned around he had a sad smile on his face. For a moment I saw the abyss – full of sorrow and regret, pain and affliction.

“You can’t be more right.”, and once again, as he looked up, the door to his soul closed with that stern expression, “That is why I don’t know whether I like this work or not.”

“It recalls a bad event?”

“It recalls the day I painted her.”

My eyes were so wide that surely they were going to pop out of my head. I opened my mouth, then close it, then opened it again. I was so shocked that I could say nothing.

“I still remember how heartbroken she was.”

“You- you are the artist?”, my voice raised an octave higher and I cursed myself.

“Surprised?”, he asked smiling at my shocked expression.

“You just caught me off guard.”

And then the rest of the night kind of slips my mind. I don’t really know how long we’d been talking through various topics. Whatever felt like hours had only been half an hour once I saw the watch on my hand.

“Unfortunately, as a host, I need to make a speech. It was nice to meet you -”

“(Y/N)!”, answering I took his hand as he helped me get up from the settee.

“(Y/N).”, he said tasting my name and I could not miss the way his tongue rolled and the deep voice that sent shivers down my spine, “A beautiful name for a way more gorgeous girl.”

“Why are you trying to make my blush so hard?”, I asked trying to hide my face.

“I don’t know. I just like it.”, he shrugged with a smile, “Can I ask you something, (Y/N)?”, is it just me or he just lowered his voice on purpose while saying my name.

“O-Of course.”, out of nervousness I started playing with my own hands which only made his smirk grow bigger.

“Would you like to be my model, darling?”