#and im like no the victim was an american citizen which means the fbi have to investigate

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

came across a show called cruise ship killers which is just Peak Daytime TV Crime Documentary, and somehow i think im marathoning it and notes so far:

cruise ships continue to be the ugliest boats ever

people have to come up with real unique excuses when they killed someone on a cruise ship which led to a guy changing his story from "my wife was blown overboard" to "the ukranian government is framing me for murder".

he was found guilty. the jury did not believe all of ukraine was guilty as he claimed (this case was in the 90s btw)

several times its noted that other passengers are annoyed that their holiday has been so rudely interrupted by a murder and can everyone just hurry up please so they can continue?

on some cruises, you can go to the staff and be like "hi, my room was broken into and all they stole was my underwear, please can i move cabins?" and theyll be like "sorry, were all booked up but you can disembark at the next port we stop at on your own cost :)". this is not a surprise

theres one case where theyre like "based on the victims diary, it has to be this guy" which is a fascinating approach to solving crime that does not lead to a conviction thankfully.

the show notes "an all male jury found him not guilty" in the diary episode as if its like a bomb theyve dropped, but when your entire case is based on the victims diary, its kinda hard prove murder beyond all reasonable doubt?

as ugly as cruise ships are, they do get some real pretty shots of the ocean and coasts

they really love to just repeat the same information over and over and over again. we get it, the guy was seasick.

remember the guy who stole someones underwear? yeah, he did that and then a few hours later, the victim was dead and it wasnt him. his wife was his alibi though so im sure that was fun for him.

there was another guy who didnt kill the victim but was being creepy and after establishing it wasnt him, the captain ordered him not to talk to any other women and to stay in his cabin for the rest of the trip.

also, they found him because someone came forward and was like "i dont know his name, but hes so suntanned, hes basically a tomato, youll recognise him" and they did

i think they say a variation of "little do they know, theyll be the last person to see X alive" every episode

its always nice to know that if you do go missing/overboard on a cruise ship, theres a decent chance your death will be ruled a suicide for convenience's sake <3