#and im kinda thinking the darkest is too dark to go with it?? but there is also some appeal to the two more similar tones

[arsenicflame]

options, people, options!

please refer to the previous post if you want more details/rambling on what ive been thinking (and also references of this section)

so ive cut out all i said i was going to, and now is the first look on how it could go together! these first three are with the camel brown colour and the various grass options

and the next ones are with the orange colour (and grass!)

as usual the camera is kinda fucking with the colours but i think these are at least giving a good impression of how they all go together finally!! heres a couple pictures closer up with more accurate colours hopefully

im still not sure about the contrast on the lighthouse, but its definitely not too bad! i think ill start on the rest of the lighthouse pieces next and get a better look all together, but aside from that!!!

what are we thinking, are any of these looking good?

[arrenlebanen777]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS/ RANDOM EDITION +18

♅ Im very impressed by the beauty of Cancer risings. ♅ And also very impressed by Cancer freakiness. ♅ Remember knowing astrology should be bonus since you can see hidden influences and energies that usually rules people uncounciously. ♅ Mars conjunct/parallel Daitarabochi(8551): Very violent person if its pushed, dark desires, attracted to taboo and dark things, and usually can be intimidating to a lot of people and if the person is not intimidating phisically it can be repulsive for some people. ♅ Mercury conjunct/parallel Daitarabochi(8551): The mind process is inmense, usually their minds can be scary sometimes, is the people you think are psycopaths but aren't, x-rays, sometimes suicide is always an option for these people, they can be perverse, and are a little bit crazy when they experience some kind of abuse, usually is kinda difficult to these people to see the light(metaphorically), always in dark places sometimes. ♅ Mars conjunct/parallel Heracles(5143): unshakable determination, tendency to seek out or attract situations that require strength and courage either in the external world or within, combative/ competitive attitude, the person might feel a strong need to prove their ability to overcome difficulties, Without realizing it, they constantly seek out difficult or challenging situations.

♅ Mars conjunct/parallel DANTE(2999): An extraordinary capacity for actions that others would deem extreme, brutal, or even "evil" in certain contexts. Their drive to act could be fueled by a deep connection to the darker side of existence. They are likely to pursue their goals with a disregard for conventional moral boundaries or concern for the suffering of others, potentially making them capable of cold, calculated actions. This individual may appear unstoppable or unyielding when going after what they want, with a natural affinity for crises, violence, or radical transformations. Tendency to confront the darkest aspects within partnerships and might be drawn to relationships that involve power struggles, control, or even transformative or traumatic experiences. They could be perceived as cold, distant, or ruthless, especially if they feel their authority or power is being challenged, (Very similar to Kenpachi Zaraki from Bleach). ♅ Ive seen some Scorpio Venus having hard times in matters related to love, since loyalty and fidelity are being so trampled on these days, they usually suffer the consequences of this and have a pretty bad time, I have seen that some opt for open relationships or even polyamory, but I know that deep down they only want one person with whom they can completely merge, which is also quite difficult in these times, I know.

♅ Usually in intimacy some planets or asteroids related to sexual things can be expressed on the oposite sign, for example: Eros in aries is more submissive in bed and Eros in libra is more dominant and agressive. ♅ Mars in capricorn: Can represent the devil himself sometimes, very materialistic, very rude and brute, sometimes they see people as obstacles, horny 24/7 but usually supressed 24/7 too due to the focus on their ambitions and goals, if they are not connected with their ambitions and purpose they can enter in very depressed states, very critical and demanding with themselves and with others too, strong endurance and stamina, sometimes they objectify their partners and they can generally resist more than others. ♅ I have seen many people who know almost nothing about astrology being Lilith dominant and I swear that when they are unconscious of this part of themselves they are usually quite narcissistic, violent, cold, calculating, manipulative and superficial since Lilith "remember" if is not conscious it always brings poison with her. ♅ Moon conjunct Chiron: Ive seen that this placement is very similar to Lilith conj moon but is sad, the mother usually is very negligent with the child, doesn't trust her, and the native of this position can be very naive about the mother's true intentions or the total opposite and not trust her at all. But i love them, they are so compassionate too, and this side is very beautiful.

♅Lust(4386) conjunct/parallel Moon: Constant desire for passion and pleasure, they feel drawn to situations or people that evoke deep emotional and sensual satisfaction, once they connect with you emotionally the seduce you almost completely, blurred line between emotional needs and physical impulses, rich inner world but it can be overwhelming at times, can be nymphomaniacs, they get depressed if they don't have someone they can have sex with constantly. ♅ Almost all anime villains that you see are the archetype of Lilith/Pluto dominant people.

[changbinsboobs]

who in skz has the most playful energy or the easiest to connect to in order and what is something u think each member needs to work more on like in shadow work?

For the first is rank it like this:

Chan - both playful and easiest to connect to

I.N - easy to connect to, not necessarily playful but very lighthearted and easy energy

(Those were the only one's which energy feels playful)

Felix - not necessarily easy to connect to since his energy and views(?) are very simple and 1 dimensional so often theres not much to pick on, or theres SOOO much at once he doesn't even know what to answer and often doesn't really answer the question im asking but something else, i think just because he isn't too sure of his own thoughts and feelings himself. Though there aren't any barriers when trying to access or reach him. Not necessarily playful either but his energy is very simple and often positive and just..idk he seems content and neutral, but positively leaning.

Seungmin - his energy isn't playful at all, but he's very easy to connect to. Like really easy, he knows what he wants, what he likes, he understands himself and his surroundings and situations very well and has a good head on his shoulders. Gives just enough energy & information for me to work with and is very clear and to the point.

Han - he's pretty neutral. Not playful. Sometimes kinda dark and confused energy. Sometimes not. Connecting to his energy isn't too hard, but also not too easy. And reading it is sometimes also a bit challenging...actually lots of the time its challenging i think out if all the members he's the most difficult for me to read for. I just can't read his energy very well because its really chaotic and unsure and it feels like he's trying to lie or something idk how to explain it, but deciphering his messages is kinda hard. Like he has something to hide.

Lee Know - he's almost the same but a tad bit easier going. Not playful, but has a lighter energy. Connecting to it is not hard but he doesn't gush it all out either. Its just very balanced. When it comes to deciphering his messages tho its a bit more difficult as it also feels like im not reading their authentic energy but something thats been thought about and rehearsed and i always feel like theres more and im like seeing some messages and hints etc, but they aren't coherent and don't connect to each other. Just like as with han's...

Hyunjin - has a gloomy energy. Tbh i don't really like reading on him as he just feels really heavy, sticky and unpleasant to be around (energetically). If i could describe his energy with one word i would use "limbo" or "labyrinth". Very dark, gloomy, damp, unsure, hopeless etc. And its not triggered by anything specific thats just his natural inner vibe. He's very watery - makes sense after all he's a pisces and has (if im not mistaken) watery, dark nakshatras as well. His energy is easy to connect to and read tho. So thats that. He's pretty open and doesn't try to hide anything he just openly presents his energy, sometimes it even feels like he does it so openly in hopes he gets help or guidance from somewhere to help him decide or make up his mind. If i had to chose a card to describe him it would be 2 of Swords.

Changbin - the darkest, deepest member with the thickest walls and most hesitation. Once he opens up tho he starts gushing out and his energy is EXTREMELY detailed and if i "let him" he would ramble on and on and jump to many different topics that are somehow connected together and if his reading were a visual thing it would look like a tree or mindmap. His readings would be PAGES long, as he has so so mich to say. He has an opinion on everything, explanation for everything, comments about everything and he truly loves to talk, he has a very active mind and a very deep heart and he just really lacks space in his life where he could express all that. I fear the people around him, as loving as they are, just aren't as deep as him so he can never have a truly satisfying conversation up to his standards, and music is or was his only outlet but he faces LOTS of restrictions from the company which kind of takes his only outlet away, forcing him to keep to himself and bottle it all up. And with the others, most of the time i have to write it all "by myself", which is not the case for changbin. Most of the time, when reading for him i feel like he talks through me, like im genuinely channeling his energy at the moment and one thing comes after the other and i can't type fast enough to express everything thats comming to mind when connected to him. Sooo yeah idk how to label him exactly. Very, very hard to connect to - takes always the longest to shuffle his cards, and the to sit with them and get familiar and slooooowly and gently enter his energy - but once im in its overwhelming (in the best way). Goofy and playful not really - but very friendly. As dark and deep and even sometimes scary, his energy feels like, he's really friendly and feels very safe being in his energy. I love reading most for him💗 then for I.n and then probably for chan. When reading for chan tbh it feels like im talking with one of the girlies and we're just giggling and spilling some tea😂

About your question with the shadow work, Im not too sure yet if i should do individual readings or group readings. So I'll just add it to the masterlist for now and think about it a bit. Maybe I'll do individual readings for the members that really need it (like chan, hyunjin, changbin etc) and for the rest ill do a group reading that doesnt go as much into detail.

[4me2knowandyou2wonder]

So earlier today my brain created some pretty fucked up shit.

So I went to write the DARKEST headcanon/Drabble I’ve ever considered even trying to make happen… And it’s nearly done, so I checked the word count and it’s almost 3k…

But it’s written like a Drabble not a fic. So it jumps everywhere and through perspectives and is completely inconsistent.

Oh god.

Worst part? Dudes it might be too dark to post?? I really don’t know where the line is here. I would most definitely need a beta. Um. Yeah so that’s what I did today.

The idea basically was:

Tw//suicidal ideation (kinda?), also includes: miscommunications, and OP’s blatant misunderstanding of canon events, and a touch of soapghost as a treat.

Ever since the beginning of ghosts time as ghost he’s had an agreement with the shepherd that if he’s ever ordered on a six month leave that that is a code that the military is down with him and now he is ordered to go home and make sure Simon Riley stays as a dead man. If you’re picking up what Im putting down.

So after Shepard is ousted from power captain price is given Ghost-secret-identity-duty. Except, Captain Price isn’t informed of the code. Only ghost and Sheppard ever really knew about it.

So price orders ghost on six months of leave without knowing that he just ordered Ghost to go kill himself and now I’ve got a 3K fic/Drabble of miscommunication of ghost not wanting to kill himself but being ordered to by a man he thought he could trust.

Currently It ends before ghost goes on leave in a feral confession about what he’s about to do (spurred on by feelings for soap) which of course reveals ghost’s perspective to price. And I plan to deescalate from there but i havnt yet (So the ending needs a lot of help.)

I haven’t written anything real in like a year so it probably sucks but my god did I write it.

I don’t really know where to go from here. Maybe it can just die in my drafts, but if someone wants to beta that hell of a Drabble, I think I’d let you. Anyway. Wild stuff.

[yoyokf1]

The Sun, the Earth, and the Moon

Summary: Not too sure what to put here cause I dont really know what this is about

A/N: I was kinda imagining a story where the mc was in love with a guy but he didn't love her back and idk i put a bunch of references to the balls in the sky in it so yeah also i know nothing about how space works so dont call me out, i doubt anyones going to really see this but i also have no idea how tf to use tumblr im just bored so try not to judge too hard

Warnings: slight mentions of mental health problems? maybe ED's or SH oh and very very slight mentions of drugs/alcohol, bad writing (i dont understand the english language and its the only one i know), is angst a warning?? i think this is angsty, yapping.

WC: 491??

It didn't take much to fall in love with him. He was the Sun, bright and overwhelming in every aspect of his being. I was nothing but the Earth rotating meaninglessly around him. Without him I would be reduced to a dark point in the universe, a void with no life.

My affection for his was endless and I would do anything he wished just to see him happy, to see him smile and laugh, to know that I was the one who made him do it.

Unfortunately though, love is not always reciprocated, and he had no need for me in his love, not in the way that I needed him. So, I hide my feelings, for his friendship is better than him not being there at all, some light is better than none. What more could I want when just a glance in my direction gives me hope and strength so that I stay another day? And why should I ask for more when he is already happy shining his brightness fully on someone else? Why would I be selfish when it is directed to someone more deserving of it than I would ever be.

How could the Sun ever love the Earth? The Earth with its inner poisons and deadly mindsets, how could the Sun love something that is sick? Something that is dying from its own actions of cutting, starving, poisoning.

Yes, it is better that he is shining his light onto someone else.

So, I drift away to be with the Moon, dark and brooding, a reflection of the Sun being the only thing that makes him alive to me. The Moon circles me just like I circle the Sun, but he does not truly care for me. We are both just a means to an end to one another, a person for which we can find solace in as we slowly self-destruct ourselves, hiding in each other's embrace and silently wishing that we were different people.

And the Sun does not care, why would you care when all life revolves around you? Why would you care when you already have everything you need? Why would you care if I stopped showing up? Why would you care if I slowly disappeared? Why would you care at all?

The Moon revolves around me, for I am his darkest desires and his guilty pleasures, he does not truly know or understand me. But who does? I entertain him as when I look at him, I see glimpses of the Sun, even when they are polar opposites. Perhaps it has something to do with the way they both neglect my needs. But everyone is leaving, the Moon is drifting away from me and leaving me alone, and as I too gradually depart from the Sun's warm embrace he does not notice, I am just a means to an end, why would someone want me for who I truly am?

[superchat]

hihi how are you liking magia record so far :3

its been aight! it def doesnt hit like madoka magica, i can kinda feel the Gacha Story in the adaption even if it does have some changes to the story, just like, how characters enter and leave plot points, how antagonists show up, etc. im watching and im like "oh this must be a chapter in the game where the final boss fight is this character" so im imagining like, CHAPTER 3-10 or something

it rlly does bum me out that yuki kajiura didnt compose for magia record, the new tracks dont rlly hit as hard but yuki kajiura is kind of a legend for a reason,

but overall the shows been pretty cozy. kind of like a popcorn show. its got SHAFT, its got madoka aes and magical girls and witches, i dont care much abt the World Building and Lore but the aesthetics that drew me into pmmm is still there for the most part

the new characters are all rlly good too, so far im enjoying them. my only complaint is that protag is like...really really dumb, to the point that idk how shes survived this long, and also characters seem to cease being important the moment the plot doesnt call for them...what happened to black haired girl from episode 1...what happened to blonde and red hair girls that are friends with the blue haired one...it is a big cast so i get that you cant constantly have them all relevant but they rlly do drop off fast and hard once the plot moves forward...

that sounds like a lot of negative but i am enjoying it, its very cozy, characters are endearing. also the emotional maturity for a lot of the stuff is like, rlly good.

like the reckless girl who just wants to kill witches cuz one killed her parents so shes homeless, jobless, and full of hate. and everyones criticising her for being too quick to jump into fights, and when everyones going around throwing Help And Tips when she never asked she snapped like "they took everything from me, so why cant i be angry? why do i have to be the one to hold back?" and iroha apologizes for throwing advice on her when it wasnt what she needed

sana having her family essentially call her a failure and verbally abuse her and the conclusion to it wasnt like "ahh but deep down her family still really loved her! they just werent seeing eye to eye!"

it instead ended with her saying a one sided goodbye, and leaving them to live with her friends, who became her new family. she never told her parents how they mistreated her, they never Got What They Deserved. they continued to live in their self rightous lives and she never got closure from it, cuz if she tried to, it just wouldve led to more pain and suffering for her. "i want someone to call my name. but that wont happen here. im going home." to her friends who care abt her

i think! these lil moments are really good, and powerful. i like that the series isnt trying to be as dark as madoka magica was. like, madoka magica has everything in a magical girl show, its got hope, and love, and friendship the triumphs over evil in the end. it just takes a long, long, time to get there. it goes to the darkest parts of the struggle before springing up into the light, but magia record has more moments of hope throughtout, so i do think this change of pace is good for anyone who wants more madoka. gen urobochi had his fill in torture porn, we dont have to recreate that for every installment to the madokaverse

[planetdream]

Been stalking your blog for a while now but I finally gotta say it:

I love you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Thank you for feeding my filthy brain my queen, never stop writing 😭

Speaking of which, what do you think skz's deepest, darkest kinks are? I don't remember if you've done this already but ❤️ I need some taboo boys in my brain

(if you did already fulfill this ask with SKZ then I'd love to hear about TXT or ATEEZ your choice ❤️)

Much love ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

— 🦜Parrot Anon

hii !! i love u too <3 thank you for sending this sweet message <3

and this is very interesting! i've never written taboo kinks (at least not on here lol) other than like...perv stuff so im happy to try :) also sorry if these r like...weird or something i dunno bro lol

warnings; d/s dynamics. potential dark content. mentions of— analplay (gaping + fisting), autofellatio (self-facials), bladder control (piss), branding (knives/graphoerotica), bukakke (gangbang), cnc (blackmail—sharing nudes), double vaginal penetration, lactation

chan — lactation; loves your breast, especially when he gets to suck on your nipples. can and will fall asleep with your nipple in his mouth if you let him. he gets so caught up in the moment, biting and sucking your nipples, he hopes and wishes that just maybe this time you'd start lactating into his mouth, letting him drink it all. that breeding kink he has? mostly bc he wants to get you lactating.

minho — branding; how else is minho going to know that you're his and his only? often thinks about branding you with a knife, etching it into your skin, carving his name into you, or burning it into you. a permanent stamp that your body is his, even if you're no longer together. doesn't want to creep you out, so he just settles for coming inside of you, sucking hickeys onto your skin, and writing degradations against your skin.

changbin — bukakke/gangbang; cannot shake the thought of you on your knees, taking loads of cum on your face. he always imagines that it's him and the others doing it, using you like a whore, and then covering you in their cum. wants to see you eating the cum they give you, licking it off of your skin and the floor. just wants you to be a complete mess.

hyunjin — autofellatio/self-facials; he's never told you this but sometimes when he gets so horny, he thinks of giving himself a blowjob. certainly, his dick is long enough, and he thinks that if he crouches over enough maybe he can draw swift kitten licks to his tip. instead, he chooses to get himself off, angling his cock upward so by the time he cums, it shoots up into his face. and yes, he eats his cum.

jisung — blackmail; he thinks about the scene all the time. perhaps it involves the blackmailer threatening to share the nudes of the victim with others. if he's the blackmailer, he loves the idea of forcing you to your knees, telling you to suck him off or else. or if he's the victim, getting on his knees with tears in his eyes, begging and pleading as he eats you out.

felix — gaping/fisting; felix likes anal play but for some reason, he can't put the words together to explain that he likes gaping. loves it when you use toys on him, and when you take it out, that brief moment when he's wide open for you, just makes him go crazy. wouldn't mind if you stretched him out completely, working your fist inside of his hole. thinks about doing it to you, too.

seungmin — bladder control; doesn't necessarily want to see you pee yourself but he wants to get you to the point. he thinks it's kinda fucked up how much he wants it to be torturous. making you hold it until he says you can go. pressing down onto your pelvic area and telling you that you can pee, laughing when you shake your head no bc you know that if you do, he'll punish you for it.

jeongin — double vaginal penetration; jeongin loves it when he's got you squirming around because he's stretching you out. and he wants to see more of it. fantasizing about you on top of him, reverse cowgirl—if he reached around, slipping his fingers into your cunt with his dick still inside would you beg him for more? would you let him stretch your cunt out even more with his dick and a dildo? just the thought of it makes him cream his pants.

[yesimwriting]

Would you write a Kaz Brekker request where the reader is a bookworm and a crow and basically Kaz asks the reader to read to him as his way of apologizing after a argument that was his fault?

 it ​​a/n i did something kinda similar in a 'promise of rain' blurb,, but this concept is so cute to me:)) love it sm i moved it up my request cue lol

also IM IN COLLEGE NOW!! WHAT?? AND IVE BEEN TO A PARTY! AND IM JOINING A SORORITY AND I DID DRAMA AUDITIONS AND AHH !! SO DIFFERENT! I MISS MY MOM AND SISTER AND DOG AND EVEN MY DAD BUT IM HAPPY HERE!! 

also im a little worried this might not portray kaz superrrrr accurately bc it's been awhile so just let me know,, feedback leads to improvement:)) also kinda set this up for a part 2 bc...well youll see 

--

They've always said a lot of things about him, and I've always heard them. But I've never quite believed them. Sure, I get why the dark things that have flourished in the poisoned soil that is Ketterdam consider Kaz Brekker the darkest thing of all. I understand the nickname 'Dirtyhands' for the gloved criminal who has fooled each crime boss at least once. I understand each terrible thing they've said about him.

But I've never agreed with them. I've never even considered agreeing with them. Until today.

The thought that maybe everything people say about him is correct in a simple context struck me worse than the silence after our argument. It made me feel like both a fool and hypocrite. Kaz and I have had our fair share of spats over the relatively short time we've known each other, but never like this. Never so badly he stormed out of the room before I could. I squeeze the book in my lap even harder, desperate to focus on the words on the pages.

You didn't hurt him. He walked away because he decided you weren't worth the cost of his expensive time. I repeat those thoughts in my mind over and over again, letting them bitter me further. It's a lot easier to be mad than hurt. A lot easier to fuel your pain than try to understand your mistakes. Besides, tiredness is already dredging around in my chest and if I don't calm down a little I won't be able to fall asleep.

I had escalated the fight more than I should have. Knowing Kaz is like performing in a tightrope act. One must always be aware of where they're going. Watching what's in front of them without ever thinking too much about what's beneath or behind them. Today though, when I needed my balance most I chose to fall. I chose to dive, and apparently there was no net.

"Oh, you're doing that thing."

I roll my eyes at Jesper's voice as I fight down a yawn. I wipe my face with the back of my palm before turning. The burning behind my eyes never resulted in full tears, but I feel better after doing so. "What thing?"

"That terribly noble thing where you find it in yourself to take full blame for every single conflict you and boss man fall into." The slight humor in his voice is enough for me to roll my eyes again. "Between you and me, I'm sure the reason he's so angry now is because you didn't do that for once."

I press my lips together as my chin angles itself upwards slightly. "I never do that." He raises an eyebrow. The slight sympathy that colors the look is more offensive than his accusation. "If I pick and choose my battles, it's for good reason."

"Clearly."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He shrugs once before further entering my room. I say nothing when he sits at the foot of my bed. "Oh, you know," Jesper stretches back casually, resting his back against the wall and extending his legs, "You and Kaz--Kaz and you."

Has he been drinking? Perhaps he's not here because of my unusual absence from downstairs after my fight with Kaz but because he's already too tipsy to think right. "What?"

At my confused look he grins, flashing all of his teeth with an arrogance that outshines the whiteness of them. He taps the still open book in my lap. "Let me put it in terms you'll understand." Jesper sits up a little further, amusement clear in his features. "You two make a shameful Elizabeth and Darcy--"

"Oh, shut up," I groan, glaring at him, "This isn't Pride and Prejudice. And Kaz and I," Jesper's smugness returns when I can't quite think of what I want to say, "We're barely friends--we're barely anything, let alone what you're implying."

Jesper pulls his legs up and shoves me gently. "Dearest, y/n," he ignores my glare, "You should know better than anyone that 'barely friends, barely anything' with Kaz is more than it is with anyone else?"

"That doesn't mea--"

"You two say goodnight to each other." Once. Kaz and I said good night to each other in front of Jesper once. How dare he assume it happens regularly? He's right, but that doesn't mean I'm okay with it. "You play cards with him. Not for money, not for skill--"

"It's for practice." The look Jesper gives me is enough to tell me that my defense didn't land.

Damn him for ever finding Kaz and I on one of those strange nights. One of those nights in which he lurks at the stairwell...the one that divides my room and his attic. One of those nights in which it feels like he's a phantom and I'm the only one that can really see him. A night in which we both silently find each other.

I couldn't quite believe it the first time it happened. I'm not exactly a Crow--I don't feel enough a connection to the Dregs to join them without some kind of guarantee--but I was needed for some obscure job. but I was needed for some obscure job. The Crows needed an insider who could blend into high society, and I needed a place to stay away from my father.

It worked. I worked. And with each passing day I found myself enjoying the Crows more and more. That's why I stayed. That's why I started checking the stairwell practically every night, a set of playing cards in my hand.

The first time had been awkward. I couldn't sleep and my room felt too quiet, but the rambunctious club felt too loud and a little unsafe considering the hour. So I settled for the only space in between. When Kaz found me sitting on the steps and playing a solitary card game I had been so stunned by embarrassment I just offered to deal him in. I had been more shocked when he silently accepted my offer.

"Practice?" Jesper repeats. "You were laughing, I heard you."

"That was one time--how do you know we didn't just happen to play cards together the one time you saw it?"

"Because you laughed about a play you considered 'predictable'."

Sighing, I sit up a little straighter. "I'm not having this conversation. Occasionally saying 'goodnight' to someone who lives in the same space I live in and sometimes playing cards with said person because we both happen to be up at a certain time doesn't mean anything."

"And the way he looked at the contact that was flirting with you?"

Oh...this conversation again. "For the last time, the contact wasn't flirting with me. We had to dance to blend in and when he leaned towards me to whisper in my ear...it was to tell me the intel Kaz just had to have."

"And when he tucked that strand of hair behind your ear?"

"He just wanted to sell our cove--"

"Y/n, he kissed your cheek and I'm fairly certain he would have kissed you if Kaz and I hadn't made it to the corridor at that second."

Why is everyone so obsessed with what would have never happened? The contact had been attractive, tall with fair eyes and hair. But it's not like I feel anything for him, nor would I have been so foolish during a job. A fact that Kaz refuses to believe. I'm tired of this argument...I'm just tired. This job required me to start getting ready early in the morning and lasted long into the night.

"I wouldn't have kissed him and even if I had, the fact that Kaz is so mad about feels...sexist." A stupid argument, considering that Kaz couldn't care less if the person he's working with is female, male, or anything in between because the only thing he cares about is profit. "It's a stupid thing to be mad about, but you hit on anything with a pulse at any time and--"

"I resent that--"

"For the first two weeks I was here I thought you might've been a prostitute."

I can feel him holding in a laugh. "Did you at least think I was a good prostitute?" When I glare again, he finally actually laughs. "Not the point--got it."

"Then what is the point? You're bored and obsessed with gossip so now you're shaking me for information you don't need."

"The point is you're oblivious." Rude...I move my leg in a weak attempt to push him off my bed. Jesper catches my ankle easily, ignoring my attempt at a fight. "You thought the contact was only doing his job and you don't know the real reason that Kaz blew up at you for the first time the way he blows up at everyone."

"Okay, well since you know everything, tell me why he's mad."

He lets out a sigh like he can't believe I even needed to ask that. "It's not the best look that the first time you let him pick a fight with you happens to be about some guy."

...Maybe he is drunk? "Don't be so cryptic. I don't like you enough to put up with that."

Jesper half-sighs again before pushing himself off my bed. "I'm going to pretend I think you're smart enough to piece things together from that."

"Asshole," I mumble instinctually as he walks towards my door. "Are you not telling me because I tried to push you off the bed?"

He turns when he reaches my door in order to lean against my door frame. "It's not not because of that." I should throw my book at his head. "In all seriousness, think about it. If you don't you'll either kill each other or kill me."

Ugh...he's so confusing. This time, I let him go. He leaves he door open, which is beyond annoying. I stand up to close it, promising myself I will focus on my book the second it's in my hands again. As I walk back towards my bed, my eyes land on the deck of cards on my nightstand.

Does it send a signal I don't want to send if I don't go the stairwell tonight? Do I want to send a signal? I don't know...actually, the only thing I know is that I don't want to think about this a second longer. I don't ease as I read, but my eyelids become heavier with each word they cross. I feel the weight of them as my focus slips, farther and farther away until I can no longer focus. When my eyes fall shut I can't bring myself to think or force them open.

--

I notice my surprised before I register that I've just woken up. Falling asleep feels so far and yet the crick in my neck confirms the obvious. Rubbing the eyes with the back of my hand, I push my book from my lap and sit up. The only indication of how much time has passed is how much my bedside candle has melted.

How long have I been asleep? How did I manage to fall asleep? I thought I was too mad at Kaz to manage anything but pouting in my room. I hadn't even decided if I wanted to talk to him.

I stand even though I haven't decided anything. I should at least change if I want to go to bed. But is leaving this alone for even longer a bad idea? I think Jesper thought so...though my conversation with him is far from clear. It's not the best look that the first time you let him pick a fight with you happens to be about some guy. I'm going to pretend I think you're smart enough to piece things together from that. What does he want me to do with that?

Maybe he was partially intoxicated and felt the need to play the role of a good friend. Or maybe this is his idea of a joke.

Whatever--regardless of Jesper, I have a choice to make. A tiny part of me hopes it's insignificant, but I know Kaz enough to know that nothing is insignificant to him. He holds onto things the way he holds onto his kruge. Perhaps I'll seek out Inej, she seems to be the best at rationalizing. Though she might be asleep by now, or on a job or...I don't even know.

How late is it? Is it late enough to be one of the few hours Kaz claims to reserve for sleep? Maybe my bad luck is still around and he's already in bed for once. Does that mean his anger will extend to tomorrow?

I shouldn't care. It's not like I'm in the wrong. Did I escalate things? Maybe a little...but I won't apologize for defending myself. Even though that makes everything a little easier. I feel stuck, like in some kind of place of half sleep. A single knock at my door is enough to make me want to jump. I rub my eyes a little more firmly in hopes of waking up more before someone sees me.

I approach the door without worry. Maybe it's not as late as I assumed. Or maybe it's really early? I open the door while still fighting against my slight disorientation. I'm so focused on acting normal, I almost don’t register the person standing at my door. 

I don’t know who I expected, or what--maybe Jesper, much more tipsy than he was before, slumped against the doorframe, only knocking because he’s too tired to push the door open. Maybe even Inej, on her way here to deliver some kind of job or notice of dismissal. But it’s nothing I could expect. It’s...Kaz. 

The Dirtyhands stands at my door, expression as hard as ever yet something behind his eyes that burns the sleep away from me. “Uh--hi.” I bite my tongue to avoid cringing at that very awkward beginning. “Are you here to kick me out yourself?” The only response I get is the slightest shift of his gaze off of my face. “No? Well then I think I’m going to bed. It’s late.” 

My tone and words are clear. Get out of my doorway, I’m in no mood to go back to arguing.  When he still doesn’t say anything, I’m emboldened by my nerves. I push the door between us without breaking eye contact. 

Before the wood can meet the doorframe, he moves his cane, wedging it between us. “Y/n.” I don’t understand the way he says my name, but I’m certain he’s never said it like that. “I...” When he’s not prompted by the uncomfortableness of silence, I raise an eyebrow, my grip on the door tightening. “What I said shouldn’t have been said.” Wait--is he admitting fault? I’m so thrown I almost melt entirely. “Not to you.” 

The addition leaves him so lowly a part of me wonders if I’ve imagined it. I’m so thrown by it I don’t even think to reply until a long second has passed. “You seemed to believe the opposite a few hours ago.” 

His lips press together for a moment. “You didn’t ask me to play cards tonight.” He took that as intentional? At least that got me some kind of apology? I keep my mouth shut, greed making me want more information. I guess he must sense my silent tugging because he head inclines slightly. “Don’t push.” 

I fight down a grin. “Push what?” His only response to stiffen further. “I’m going to tell you something as a peace offering.” That seems to intrigue him in some way. I can’t tell if it’s a good kind of interested, but I note the slight raise of his eyebrows and his intentional silence. “I didn’t chose not to ask you to play cards.” He gives me no indication of anything, which is fair...considering my vagueness. “I was mad, obviously, and in the middle of deciding on a course of action...and then I fell asleep.” 

A long pause of silence. “You fell asleep?” 

I’m not sure if his incredulous tone should offend me or not. If I wanted to lie, I’d like to think he knows me well enough to know that I’d have thought of a better excuse than that. Or at least a less embarrassing one. “Yes, it’s not that difficult to believe. Today had been long and all I wanted to do was read, but then Jesper came in to say the oddest things and then leave me to...” 

Oh--oh. I guess there’s a reason people say to ‘sleep on’ something. Because now, actively remembering Jesper’s words for the first time since I fell asleep...I understand what Jesper was implying in the oddest way possible. He meant that Kaz and I...that perhaps there is a Kaz and I in a context that’s more than just grammatical. Wow. I really had to realize this with Kaz right in front of me. 

My face feels warmer than it did before, an irrational bout of anxiety forcing me to consider that me might be able to read impossible, embarrassing thoughts from my expression alone. 

“What did Jesper say?” I’m too lost in my own spiral of confusion and panic and some feeling I can’t recognize to register how Kaz asks his question. There’s an edge to it, an odd one, but that could easily just be Kaz. 

This is most definitely the last conversation we need to be having. I’m still mad at him for his earlier dramatics. So I just shake my head, feigning an exhaustion I could lose myself in. “Nothing and everything all at once.” I resist the urge to rub my eyes again. “I’m pretty sure he was drinking, and I wasn’t really listening. I was just trying to read.” 

Kaz’s expression hardens briefly as he takes in my words, and then he exhales, nodding once with the breath. “What were you reading?” 

My lips part instinctually, ready to spew off details about the latest novel that’s captured my attention. But before I can let myself take off, the reality of the situation strikes me directly in the chest. This is not Nina, or Inej, or even Jesper after what he considers a ‘good night’. This is Kaz Brekker, the man believed to not have a soul. I’ve spoken to him before about casual things, though most of the nights in which we end up playing cards or just sitting near each other are spent in silence. But he’s never prompted me before. Not in the one topic he knows is guaranteed to turn me into an overenthusiastic, gushing fountain of poor summaries and character analysis. 

I guess this is his peace offering. This shouldn’t warm the way it does. He was still unbelievably dramatic and treated me like I’m some kind of unreliable fool. “It’s late, and you know how I can be. I’d hate to keep you for nothing more than a poor summary and honestly, an embarrassing rant about plot or characters, because there’s just nothing as frustrating as when two people so clearly care about each other and both are too stubborn and oblivious to acknowledge it.” 

Kaz’s eyebrows draw together just enough for me to be able to make out a shift of expression in the poor light. Perhaps his lingering irritation is preparing to rear its ugly head. The corner of his mouth seems to threaten to tilt upwards as Kaz angles his head to the side slightly. “I can’t imagine that position.” 

No kidding. I bite my tongue to keep the sarcastic comment and awkward laugh that would sure follow it away. “Who can? That’s like half the point of reading.” 

How can interaction feel so over and just at its beginning all at once? I press my lips together to avoid filling the silence with things I’d no doubt instantly regret. It’s easy to be mad at Kaz in the moment. Too easy. But to stay mad at him when his temper has passed and he returns with some kind of begrudging and admittedly awkward and uncertain truce is another task entirely. 

“I’ve never understood your attachment to written words.” 

“It’s not about understanding, it’s about everything else.” 

“And you say I’m cryptic.” Is he...kinda almost joking? I straighten my spine, too tired to fight and too wounded to forgive. “There’s understanding in everything, nothing can survive on sentiment alone.” 

“If you read the way I did, you’d understand.” 

His lips press together as his expression remains unwavering in its hardness. “Read to me.” 

...Interacting with Kaz in any way often leaves me feeling like I’m wandering through unknown territory. But this, this is undeniably different. So different I can’t even think of a way to react. I watch his expression as cautiously as possible. He’s purely reserved, no distinction from the look he wears during business propositions. Except there’s a tightness I can’t quite understand.

Maybe it’s because I don’t want to fight anymore. Maybe it’s because exhaustion is leaving me partially delirious. Or maybe it’s the weird feeling in my chest that I can’t quite place. That I don’t want to place. “Okay.” I shift carefully. “If for no other reason then to prove you wrong.” 

Never did I think I’d end up in the position of sitting in my bed, book in hand, with Kaz Brekker sitting next to me. But here we are. I’m so tired, I almost let out a nervous laugh when he first walked in. So brooding and tall, gripping the head of his head cane as he sits at the foot of my bed, on my pastel quilt. 

I’m glad for the excuse to keep my gaze away from him and on the words in front of me. I read out loud, feeling more and more comfortable with each page I finish. But as my inhibitions slip away, so dos my hold on consciousness. My eyelids seem to grow heavier with each word that I read. 

“You’re falling asleep.” 

I straighten my spine on instinct. “Am not.” I’m not sure why I feel the need to deny something so simple. 

“You’re impossible.” 

From him, that statement is laugh worthy. “I’m impossible? Do you not remember earlier today?” 

From the way his jaw locks, I realize that he’s in no mood to be light about this topic. I don’t understand why. It’s not like I’m the one that wronged him. “I remember your lack of focus.” 

Keeping my hands at my side to avoid rubbing my eyes, I frown. “If you want to have this argument again, fine. Jesper is more ‘distracted’ than me half the time and you’re much more lenient on him. It’s not like I was flirting with someone or gambling or doing anything but having a two second conversation. One that I needed to have to get information that you wanted.” 

The last time we fought, I had more energy to restrain myself. This could be atomic. I hold my breath, waiting for Kaz’s retaliation. He exhales, eyes not meeting mine. “Arguing with you when you’re present is exhausting enough. It’s not worth it when you’re half asleep.” 

This angers me further. I hate that he’s right. “I’m not half asleep.” He leaves it at that. I glare even harder at him, slumping further into my bed. “But for the sake of argument, I’ll drop it. Something you’re incapable of doing.” 

At that, his eyes meet mine. I try to hold his gaze, but the harder I think about not seeming tired the more exhaustion slips in. A yawn escapes me before he looks away. Great. “I know when to lie in the grass in wait.” 

Rolling my eyes, I shift back slightly. He’s incapable of being less dramatic than this. Still, I can’t imagine the effort it’s taking on his part to not start an argument. Maybe this is why Jesper spent so long implying that there may be a Kaz and I in any capacity beyond a vague kind of friendship. “I’ll admit you’re tactful.”

“Resourceful people recognize that trait in other people.” 

Blinking twice, I lower my book slightly. Am I truly exhausted, or did he just compliment me in a way? “Careful, I may start to think you find me tolerable.” 

“Let’s not exaggerate.” Okay, now I know I’m exhausted because I think he might have just attempted a joke. Rolling my eyes, I decide not to acknowledge this lightness in fear that I’ll scare it away. “Y/n?” 

I press my lips together, worried about the destruction of our peace. “Yes?” 

“What did Jesper say to you? Earlier?” I pause, slightly unsure why we’re moving backwards. 

We’re in a decent place now, and I’d hate to ruin it. I’m too half asleep to lie eloquently. And it’s not like he’s an easily convinced man. “Oh, he said it so cryptically it took me longer than it should have to understand. And it didn’t help that it was something so...well, you might find it funny. As funny as you find anything, anyways.” Wow...I’ve spent such a long time talking. Rubbing the back of my eyes, I avoid his gaze. Exhaustion and awkwardness mix in my stomach oddly. “It seemed like he was trying to imply that you and I...me and you...” Why is this a difficult thing to say? It’s not like I was implying it and Jesper’s known for his oddness. “I think Jesper was implying that there was a you and I, or at least that there could be.” I’m too lost in a haze of almost sleep to watch his reaction. I let my head rest against my headboard even further. “Isn’t that odd?” 

He’s quiet for a long second, and then he finally speaks again. “Odd, even for Jesper.” The response doesn’t satiate me...what’s that about? I exhale, deciding that feeling is tomorrow’s problem. When I blink, I decide to let my eyes stay closed. Just for a moment. The sound of something shifting is what makes my eyes squint open. Kaz is standing, his expression unreadable as he straightens. “Goodnight, y/n.” 

At that, I sit up slightly, ignoring the exhaustion behind my eyes. “I haven’t finished the chapter.” 

“You’ve convinced me of enough.” A concession? How exhausted do I seem? My lips press together as I think of my next argument. Before I can get it out, Kaz leans forward. He grabs the quilt at the end of my bed and tosses it onto my legs casually. “Goodnight, y/n.” The meaning of his repetition is clear. His word is final. 

I find enough energy to manage a glare, but I pull the quilt over my legs anyways. “Goodnight, Kaz.”

[loveyourlovelysoul]

Im sorry for bothering you.

I try my best everyday, but sometimes it's like I free fall into a darkness..when it lasts I feel awful about myself and can't stop thinking ablout everything that went wrong in my life. I lose the will to live and have to bring myself back from it.

Do you have any suggestions to blogs or hashtags I can scroll on tumblr that can soothe me in my darkest moments? Like inspire me and console me..i try to go through #happy or #wholesome tags but any recommendation is welcomed

Hey, you're not bothering me. I know it's hard to believe it cause our minds are always doing an amazing job in making us look at things in a twisted fake way, to keep us stuck and make us feel unworthy and guilty (and we always end up believing them cause the story seems realistic), but you have nothing to feel awful for. You're not a failure, at all. Keep being gentle with yourself, and keep trying at our own pace. You're doing an amazing job and, for what is worth from an unknown person online, I am honestly really proud of you. I kinda wanted to write a little more but that's probably not the point of your ask, so let's move on to the good stuff :)

Is there anything more specific that can bring you joy or soothe you? Like puppies/dogs? Kitties? Frogs? Beautiful landscapes? Sea? Mountains? Forests (color green is generally healing so maybe nature's photos may help you)? Art? Paintings of a specific Age or subject? Movies you like(d)? Maybe you can look up for something like that in the #. As for blogs, I suggest you @/lousydrawingsforgoodpeople (nice cute drawings and words of encouragement) @/everythingfox (cute and funny videos and pics of animals) Maybe you can go on Pinterest too and make your "safe" visual board (or maybe you can make one on your phone with things you find here and there) for emergency days or just go through some nice pics and random art stuff (or anything you like). I generally look at a lot of encouraging words and small watercolor paintings (and dogs lol) and they all make me feel better. What about music? There is ambient and relaxing music too: there are Spotify's playlist (or even YT ones) exactly for this.

Take care and feel free to drop an ask anytime you feel.

[bratz-kitten]

questions i have for the signs

libra suns – do you learn a lot from observing other people’s behaviours? because libras do so well in group settings, and they value their emotional intelligence and ability for being likeable a lot. once, a libra sun man came up to me and just told me that he learned a lot of his behaviours from observing others and that’s how he learned better coping mechanisms/better ways of expressing himself and his emotions. at first, i found that absolutely preposterous because as someone who’s always focused so much on my own individuality and authenticity, the thought of taking aspects from other people just repulsed me, but the more i think about it, the more it makes sense – after all, there’s so much to learn from others and since observational skills are so important, why not use them to better ourselves?

also, to my libra suns once again – how the hell have you managed to build a reputation for being stable and peaceful? i swear every libra i’ve ever met was absolutely unstable – the type to throw their phones on the wall during arguments, to randomly go up to me and start psychoanalysing me, to immediately go confrontational mode no matter if they were in the middle of class, simply because they couldn’t leave shit unresolved. i’ve noticed your tendency for playing devil’s advocate in every situation in the name of “fairness” has you being VERY confrontational. it’s kinda refreshing not gonna lie.

now, ladies.. have we noticed how misogynistic cancer sun men can be or am i losing my mind? i swear to god i’ve never met ONE in my life who didn’t have extremely sexist opinions. even the ones who seem like great people and who get along with everybody – they still think that girls who sleep around casually have no self-respect and that sex workers are disgusting. also, hating on girls for doing the buss it challenge and for posting pictures where they’re showing skin and feeling themselves? saying they’re sluts? as if they’re not the same men who click on those videos? not only the misogynist part, but also extreme anger issues that come out at the most unexpected times. i believe it’s their traditionalist views and their hatred for their own femininity that has them projecting their insecurities onto other women. either way, cancer men terrify me. perhaps it’s that my father’s a cancer and he’s the blueprint of all terrible men in my life, or perhaps cancer men really are batshit crazy. either way, please change my mind lol there are probably some good ones out there but my experience has me believing otherwise

pisces mars – (18+) do you get pleasure from simply pleasuring your partner? i do this and i feel like it’s to a point where it’s toxic, every time i’m the one receiving i’ll be thinking about how i could be using this time to pleasure them instead, even if it feels really good. i don’t know what it is but the act of knowing i’m making someone feel good feels 1000 times better than everything else, it feels my soul and i think it’s a pisces mars thing. it’s crazy because it’s only in sexual matters, in day-to-day basis i’m very assertive but in bed i’m extremely submissive and just want to fulfil all of my partner’s needs. do you also have very intricate sexual fantasies that you’re constantly thinking about? also, are you masoquistic? i’ve seen other pisces mars talking about this, about how they get off on pain a lot and it makes me feel less alone. it might also relate to lilith in the 12th house because it indicates mixing pain with pleasure + escapism through fantasies + some very extreme fetishes like r*pe-play. let’s start this discussion lol

leo placements – how does it feel like being the baddest bitches alive? serious answers only. also stop making me fall in love with you it’s annoying

capricorn/scorpio suns, do you gravitate a lot towards one another? im a capricorn and i attract a lot of scorpio placements, and scorpios are the people who bring me the most intense personal transformations. it’s also definitely because i have scorpio in the 8th, but either way, i feel like these two signs attract each other like crazy because they’re the darkest signs. scorpio simbolizes death while capricorn simbolizes the devil, they’re both so difficult, complex and drawn to dark topics that i feel like it’s a match made in heaven – or hell. i’ve also observed that the most powerful power-couples in media are always relationships between capricorns and scorpios, too.

moon in the 10th house natives – do people baby you a lot? i feel like i’ll just be walking down the streets and my friends will be screaming at me to be careful like i’m a 5 year old, or offering to do things for me, or feeling an inherent need to supervise me as if i’ll get in deep shit if i’m left alone for more than 5 minutes LOL but i do think it’s something about this placement. moon in the 10th indicates being very emotional and getting easily overwhelmed, also a lot of charisma and being very sensitive when it comes to personal relationships. also the way we radiate authority makes others unconsciously be more obedient towards our needs, and we have a very strong need to protect others and create a family within our friend groups, which might be creating these dynamics.

leo suns/moons/risings – do you feel like having a low self-esteem quite literally contributes to the deterioration of your physical health? i think there’s such a stark difference between when you’re feeling insecure and in an unhealthy relationship vs when you leave the toxicity behind and work on your self-confidence, there’s an immediate glow up, like you’re literally glowing and it shows.

gemini suns – why do so many people hate you? even people who know nothing about astrology will say they hate geminis. genuine question because geminis are one of my favorite signs. i think it’s something about the way you easily adapt to other people’s personalities and mirror their energy, so you’ve built this reputation for being two-faced when you’re literally just.. socially intelligent.

air moons – how tf can you turn your emotions off? what do you mean using logic instead of feelings i will literally unalive myself

capricorn moons – how does it feel like having healthy coping mechanisms? oh wait, it’s not like you’d know LMFAOOOO

scorpio mars – are you as sexual as people portray you to be or do you feel a bit weird about the way people talk about you? because people always talk about scorpio mars as this sex machines, but like.. scorpio’s a water sign. very sensitive. i’ve noticed you guys literally avoid having sex with people because it’s like giving them a part of your soul, and you know you’ll get extremely attached to them afterwards. is sex a casual thing for you or can you only feel satisfied when there’s an emotional connection established? this goes for all water sign mars by the way.

scorpio risings – do you only listen to music that you feel has a deep meaning? my brother is a scorpio rising and he prides himself a lot on his music taste and how deep the music he listens to is. and as an aries rising im just like.. sir i listen to doja cat because hearing her sing about sex and fat tiddies makes me happy

[dokifluffs]

Head Pats | Akaashi, Hinata

Pairing: Akaashi X Reader (gender neutral), Hinata X Reader (female) 

Genre: comfort fluff!!!~~

Author’s Note: i’ve said it so many times but OH TO BE Y/N !!! hinata;s is actually kinda angsty ngl sooo ah ha ha 

Warnings! implied time skip. No spoilers for Akaashi but spoilers for timeskip hinata!! 

Head Pats | Suga, Atsumu 

gif from @rivaillerose 💛💛

Akaashi: NOTE - R/N is restaurant name

“I don’t know this.. I don’t know this…”

Panic

It was all you could feel in ever bit of your soul as your heart sank after reading question after question, skipping the ones you didn’t know

But doing this only brought you to the end of the test where you didn’t know anything

Panic

Everyone progressed through their exam in a timely manner and here you were

It felt like you were the only one who wasn’t moving their pencil in the slightest bit

You stared at the words on the test paper before you, all the pencil sounds surrounding you — you felt like such a failure

Like all the hours you spent, all the effort you put into this course, and maybe others, were all for naught

You took a deep breath as you gathered yourself, pushing through your exam

As you took it, some questions were actually fine, majority was alright but they all made you feel uneasy with your answer, making you doubt everything

Sitting in this lecture hall, how grand and tall it was yet here you were, so small. This room used to be filled with your professor’s voice yet here it was — silence

“Time. Pencils down.” Your professor’s voice cut through eh silence like a blade. “Close your packets, slide them into your envelope and pass them down your row. Students at the end of the row pass the envelopes down.”

The shuffling of papers and whispers made your head dizzy, your heart trembling as you closed your final exam

You were done

It was finally over

“All tests are in, you are all dismissed. Have a great summer break!” your professor smiled

Everyone gathered their belongings, chatting amongst themselves as they shook the professor’s hand on the way out

“It was great to have you in class Y/N,” your professor smiled so kindly as he shook your hand one final time. “Have a great summer!”

“You too, professor,” you forced a smile but as soon as you stepped out of the lecture hall, you could hear all the complaints from your classmates as they complained about the test

“I honestly gave up bro, like I didn’t know anything” a guy commented freely as he walked toward the exit

“Bruh I know like I remember him teaching the material but that was it.”

Hearing all the comments sort of like this eased you just a bit but just knowing that you were going to see such a bad score

It made you sick to your stomach, making everything feel wrong

The warm summer sun welcomed you as you stepped outside of the hall

You felt so miserable, all you wanted now was Akaashi, his hand to pat your head and to shoo everything you felt that made you feel so stuffy

“Y/N,” a voice called

The sound of this voice brought tears automatically to your eyes before you could even look up to see the owner of this voice

Your body seemed to move on its own towards your boyfriend as all the emotions and tears that had built up within you during your exam came rushing out

he smiled to you as if nothing was wrong in the world when everything felt wrong 

he wore black jeans with a white shirt and navy blue cardigan with the sleeves rolled up

You wrapped your arms around him, burying your face into his chest and shoulder 

“Oh, Y/N, was it that bad?” He stroked his hand on your head 

“Mmhmm,” you nodded, stifling all your cries and whimpers the best you could but you knew it was already too late - you could feel how swollen and stuffy your nose were 

“I feel like I didn’t know anything and it was so frustrating and depressing to just sit there.” You buried your face into your palms, trying not to break down even more when all you wanted to do right now was to disappear 

“I’m sorry, but it’s over, alright?” Akaashi rubbed your shoulders as a way to comfort you as he smiled at others passing and staring at what was going on but he could also hear the others complaining about the exam you had just taken 

“Y/N?” he leaned down, carefully parting your hands from your face, smiling once you opened your eyes to him. “I brought you these since I know I haven’t been able to really support you properly while you were studying.”

he handed you a bouquet of your favorite flowers 

your lips trembled even more as you cried tears of something else from his loving gesture 

“What’s wrong now?” he laughed as he rolled down his sleeves, using them to dry your face, a sound so pure from him, it made life feel alright 

“N-nothing, I’m just so happy to see you,” you lowered your head down once again only for akaashi to wrap his arms around you, kissing the top of your head 

“negativity begone,” he repeated the words in between every kiss as he gently rocked the two of you side to side 

“Come on, let’s go to R/N, hm? We can talk about anything you want and we can do anything you want now or after, okay?” 

Bonus: 

your sniffles felt like they were never going to end as you sadly drank your drink, letting it refresh you as Akaashi adored you from across the table, happy that your tears and sadness and frustrations from your exam were no longer 

The restaurant was empty as cars whizzed by outside

your heart sank hearing the email notification from your professor  

upon opening it, your soul left your body as all the tears you thought you were done shedding came bac for round two 

“Y/N! What is it?” Akaashi’s brows knitted together as he had never seen you so emotional before 

you couldn’t even begin to speak or try to - all you did was show him your phone

“Hi all, I know this semester was very tough but you all know how much I care about the class. This final exam was not an actual exam nor will I actually be giving one. As for your final grade, I have based that on today’s attendance so everyone will be passing. Have a great summer.” - your professor 

it was unbelievable but all your worries for the last couple of hours were for nothing 

Gif from @rivaillerose​ 💛💛

Hinata: note - pedro is hinata’s roommate in Brazil and he works as a delivery boy to make money 

the door shut behind his body, enclosing him into his dark bedroom, the only source of light coming from outside was from the streetlamp and the bustling night market 

he leaned back against the cool wooden door as it separated Hinata from the lively atmosphere of the rest of the house as Pedro watched One Piece on the TV 

the floor made a loud thud as his body slid down the door, disappointment filling him up as he thought about what had happened 

the new wallet Natsu had gifted him before leaving to Brazil was nowhere to be found in his fanny pack as he ran his deliveries 

for once, the human sun didn’t feel so bright 

he signed as he looked to his dark room, bits and horizontal lights from the street casting onto his wall through the blinds 

the street lift bustling on the street right outside as usual 

a sinking feeling felt like it was only getting deeper and deeper inside his chest as he hugged his arms with his knees, a cool breeze from the floor brushing his legs 

he really screwed up losing his precious wallet

he had never felt so dumb 

his groans and sighs filled the room as he sat in his pool of self disappointment, slowly sinking deeper and deeper 

until his phone rang 

it rang with his bright ringtone, lifting the mood instantly since this particular ringtone was dedicated for you 

everyone had their own ringtone in his phone 

and it was like a breath of fresh air when he sighed, grateful he didn’t lose this today 

He opened the flap of his case, his face suddenly illuminated by the device in hand 

“Shoyo!” you beamed, your bright aura illuminating through his screen even into the darkest places within him, eradicating as much negativity as you unintentionally could 

“Y/N, hi!” he beamed, almost completely forgetting his major bump in the road 

“How are you doing? How was your day?” you asked, the sun shining on the side of your face from what he could see on his phone 

you were clearly still in bed but then again, you did just wake up 

“It was alright...” he tried to smile, trying to be okay but there was just something deeper about this hurt inside as it pooled 

even talking to you - when you would almost always heal him, right now, he couldn’t feel too much of it 

“I uh, lost my wallet today, so that’s bumming...” he rest his phone on his bed as he held it up with his hand, his chin resting into the side edge of his bed

“oh no, the one Natsu gave you?” you asked, hoping it wouldn’t be too serious. “Could you like call the police station and ask if they find it or if it like turns up?” 

“No.. it’s not like back home...” he sighed, clearly dejected 

your thoughts scurried as you thought of alternatives, thinking of ideas that you could possibly suggest to help him find it 

“How’s home? how’s everyone doing?” he asked, his voice light and soft, airy as if he had just woken up from a nap, his question reaching back home, back to the place he longed the most

where he wished he could be right now...

“shoyo, lean forward,” you smiled warmly, able to see his somewhat lagged, pixelated face through your phone

“what?” he asked confused 

“just bring your phone to your head. Im gonna pat your sadness away even though I can’t really do it how I normally would, but better than nothing.” 

He did as you asked, bringing his device to his forehead, feeling the warmth of the screen, feeling the breeze from his cracked windows open, letting his imagination take flight, imagining it was you that was here with him 

you sitting on the edge of his bed, patting his hair, playing with your tangerine as you normally would, his head resting in your lap 

“shoo shoo,” you cooed, silly, hoping this would help in the slightest 

he could hear the pat of your hand over your phone’s mic 

but there was just something 

this sudden hit of the real life that was his right now 

he was so far from home in a foreign country, chasing his dream when so many others his age right now would be at school, planning a career and their future for themselves 

and you 

you were so far 

his family, his friends, you, god you 

his nose sniffled as subtle rumbles sounded in his ears, his eyes blinking, widening with every blink to hide the sudden pink in them, the tears lining his waterline 

he kept his phone to his head, subtly seeing the glow of his screen through his closed eyes, wishing you really could reach through the phone or at least he could just be back home soon 

but there was quite a great time before this could happen and he knew it vividly 

“shoyo? You okay?” you held your own phone, turning onto your side so the sun no longer shined right into your eyes 

there was just calm breathing from his end before an airy “mmhm..” 

“Tsuki got promoted at the museum and I’m gonna be going out with Yachi later today, and then Yams is gonna join us..” you paused, still not seeing his face 

“We’re all doing okay, sho. So is Natsu and your mom,” you chimed cheerily for him. “They miss you just as much but don’t worry. You’re gonna be home before you know it and I just know you’re going to blow everyone away with how much you improved.” 

“I know you will, Sho. All the time you’re spending there will pay off..” you paused. “Even Kags thinks so, haha. We hang out together sometimes and he pretty often goes off about how you better be ready to go against him cause of your guys’ never ending battle.”  

“Thank you, Y/N,” and that was when you finally saw him. 

he smiled brightly with tears streaming down his cheeks, dripping off his chin 

these words

your voice 

this is what he needed 

he needed this more than anything to satiate the homesickness that grew within him every single day 

he needed to remember these words - that you and everyone are supporting him all the way across the world

bonus: from Chapter 371 - On The Other Side Of The Globe (vol 42/54) 

~~~~~

Thanks for reading! Masterlist for more! Please do not repost anywhere else!

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[vetrubius]

UKAIXFEMREADER!

Ukai responding to you saying  "c*m inside me"

Word Count: 1,408

A/N: hEMLOI moi babies, I got an amazing response on DaichixFemReader, I’m so glad so I kinddddd of decided to spice it up for Ukai. I, in no way support toxic relationships. And I wrote it extra long so y’all can feel extra ;)) i haven't proof read this bc its 4 am and im max tired, so i apologise in advance. ALSO DARK ACADEMIA PERSONNA IS JUST SO 😩

Warnings: SMUT, ANGST, toxic relationships, crying, trauma, smoking, alcohol, slight fluff (interact only if you’re 18+), breeding kink

It was like every other afternoon, you by the balcony watching the rain fall on the lane below. Single men with their cigarettes in hands, couples with their arms intertwined under the same umbrella, the cigarette shop where a group of high school boys hung around. The balcony had always been your safe space. It was one of the ways you’d met Keinshin Ukai. 

 You two had accidentally made an eye contact. You, on your balcony and him, near the shop. He’d adored you the second he’d laid his eyes on you; draped in a white lace tunic and grey shorts which reached your knees. The darkest shade of lipstick which you wore with your hair down, made you look as if you were an angel which arrived right in front of him. 

Since then, he’d be there promptly at 7 pm and you at the balcony having many unspoken conversations between the two of you.

You’d run out of cigarettes one morning while you were on your way to your publishing house.You’d always been an avid reader with bottomless thirst for content. It was a good day, you had a meeting with the board head. After putting on a jacket on your mauve camisole, you’d run across the cigarette shop to find your favourites. Had it not been that morning, your numbers would never have been exchanged and future dates wouldn’t have been made for the same evening. 

-----flashback-----

The room was heavy with the smell of cigarettes and weed as you popped another bottle of wine.

 “I did not take you to be a reader,” Ukai said, taking a puff and keenly maintaining eye contact. 

“And I sir, did not take you for a shopkeeper AND a coach” you said,  smirking and pouring in  his empty glass.

“Well, I do love those boys plus that teacher is very...persuasive?,” he said with a slight cringe and looking u0p. “Don’t get me wrong, he’s very amazing and managed to land us a match with a lot of great teams but he’s very weird, but a good kinda weird you know?”.

 Nah you didn’t know. You were too busy admiring him. Of course you were a little young for him but he was too attractive for his age. The blonde with his brown sideburns and three piercings. He looked so sinful. 

It dawned on him how you’d been staring at him. And he’d sensed the high tension in the room that was enough to devour the two of you. And that’s when he leaned in slightly, holding the side of your face in your hand. “I know you’ve been wanting me sweetheart. I do too,” he said  brushing his lips with yours. “And I think I may fall in love with you this way. The way you’re in my hands right now makes me feel like I'm on an ecstasy high.” 

Your lips met and kissed you like it was the last time he was gonna kiss you. Like you were Persephone in the arms of Hades and you were gonna fly away. 

You somehow knew. You knew this was it. You were gonna fall so hard for this man. This high felt like you’d finally reached what you wanted and you realised it was gonna hurt you if he ever left. 

-----Present-----

“BUT I’M TIRED OF NOT SEEING YOU FOR SO MANY DAYS, JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE GOING WITH THE KIDS DOESN’T MEAN YOU DON’T SEE ME! 

AM THEY MORE IMPORTANT THAN I AM?” a sludge of tears and mascara flowing down your face with your bra strap sliding off your arm. It had been too frustrating for you. You’d been missing him to the point you’d wear his remaining scent. You’d stayed up nights wishing you’d hear the door unlock. It was too painful for you.And he refused to understand that. 

“You’re fucking overreacting. I’m leaving. I’ll come home after a few days.” he said  extinguishing his cigarette on the ivory ashtray you got for his 29th birthday and picking his gym bag up. 

“I HOPE YOU NEVER FUCKING COME BACK-” you shouted as he headed for the door. “I think…….. this is it. We’re done.” You said  slipping on the floor in a puddle of sobs. This was toxic. You had to leave him. But it was so heavy for you. You could never do that. He was your soulmate after all. 

You hear the door shut. 

Your fragile heart splits into pieces. Is that it? This is how we end? Your thoughts kept running as fast as a marathon, too fast for you to process. 

“It’s fine. I don’t need him anyway. You say  turning the lights off of the bathroom and slipping in the empty bathtub and shutting your eyes and being enveloped by sleep. 

.

.

.

You felt a hand pat on your head and a bright light in front of you. “Hey sweetheart…”

It didn’t even take a second for you to go on defensive mode and whack his hand off you.

“I miss you. I know what I do is wrong. I know I don’t give you time. I know how much this means to you. I’m sorry. Just a little  more, okay? Then I’ll be all yours and I’ll be proud to call the boys ours. I love you, Y/N. I can’t imagine my life witho-”

That’s all it takes for him everytime. Just opening his stupid mouth and you’re off to sprint to his arms. Fucking moron. 

“I still hate you” you said between the kisses and pulling his hoodie off. You wanted him. That’s all you cared about. You wanted to hurt him but no matter what, you couldn’t. “I hate that you make me feel this way. But I love you more and this is your last chance. Make me happy or I leave.”

He whooped you up in his arms and carried you to the bed “And why would I let you leave? You’re mine.” He said  keeping you and hovering on top of you with his biceps bulging. Amd slowly kissing your face, jaw and neck

“You’re the greatest thing that has happened to me, I’ll never let you go Y/N” Ukai said as his lips were dangerously close to your cleavage. 

He spent a good 30 minutes between your thighs like a lapdog. Licking up any blessing you had to offer. His eye contact never breaking, his fingers working their ways through your pussy, his tongue overstimulating your clit. “I know you like this, my love. It’s been twice in 35 minutes I think my dick needs a little bit of it too.” He said getting up and unbuckling himself. Your eyes now watery with the overstimulation and throat dried up. 

“I want a baby….I want a reason for you to come home to if not me.” You said rasply. 

‘What do you mean, sweets? Can you elaborate on the making baby part?”

“I want you to come inside me. Tonight.” 

He grabbed your thighs mercilessly and shoved himself inside. “Whatever she wants, she gets. I’m gonna fuck you until you’re dripping and then make sure that the mini us knows how much I love you and you’re worth coming home to both of you.” he whispered in your ear. 

He gave you a few seconds to adjust to him inside you. “M-mmmoveEE PLEASE” you whined against his shoulder. Without losing a single second, you felt your body split. You knew he’d been abstaining from sex. But this feeling was so overwhelming to both of you. 

The air was filled with moans, squelches and the mix of smell of cigarettes and lavender. You felt him speed up. Missionary had always been a weak spot for Keishin. Your mouth drooling over your cheeks, your eyes half shut, your body limping and the way your boobs bounced under you. it has always been a turn on for him. 

You felt him speed up. His name falling out of your mouth as you were blinded by the speed he was going at. “I….I’M COMING BABE” you grind your thighs through as his walls white wash you inside. 

He climbed off of you to adore your cunt stuffed with his cream, dripping on the white sheet with a light brown floral pattern. 

“I love you, Y/N. Don’t ever think I don’t wanna come home and not see you. You’re the only thing I have.”

series masterlist

[hezuart]

That anaversary aizen looks absolutely fabulous, he looks like a figure skater xd.

I heard along time ago the last arc of the anime was being animated finally bc they pulled a 90s sailor moon were the last season was not either animated or dubbed untill decades later.

I recall near the end of the current 366 episodes there was an episode were the creapy demon ppl woke up in hell and we're all bitter, and there was the other guy who was like, iM cOmEiNg FoR u IChIgO, but then is never mentioned again after and I'm like,why? Why is lt there just plopted randomly into a different arc that seams unrelated.

And locking aizen up underground seems ok, but It deff won't hold, and he will. Escape, and he will kill, you either need that one spell from star, dubbed, the darkest spell of moon the undaunted, a powerfull dark spell that killed immortal beings, that came from best character, eclipsa, the queen of darkness.

We need that.

Or stick him I'm crystal like eclipsa was in star. Is there no one who could trap him in ice or crystal for all eternity.

How about throw him into the centre of a volcano trapped and caged , forverr being killed by heat?

I assume there's space travel, send I'm into a black whole, were a black whole don't fuckin care if your immortal or fat, you will die

:3

Yes, I love anniversary Aizen. His original octopus-butterfly hollow design was ugly so I'm glad he's back to being the fashion icon he is.

Locking Aizen up underground once is one thing, doing it twice after saying he got more powerful by just sitting there, and he escaped to battle the Quincy Soul King God... is another. I think he should have escaped at the end of the Quincy arc. That is the only feasibility.

I heard the anime is coming back for the Quincy arc as well, but because of COVID its probably going to be delayed. (I'm not gonna watch it until the Rain section of the arc then I'm dipping out. I'm only here for Zangetsu)

and funny that you mention that hell scene in the manga :)

-> spoilers for the new BLEACH 73 page anniversary chapter / thoughts/critique on it

So hey you had a premonition! Syazel .... returned? And his hole is outside of his body??? for some reason???

(I didn't understand the explanation or why / how that happens and what that means for the hollow)

And my friend and I were laughing because out of ALL the things. Kubo could do in this anniversary. He gave Syazel his dick back after going to hell. That is iconic. (that's where his hole was located, and now that its not on his body ... well...) This is the funniest thing Kubo has EVER pulled. Kudos to you, sir.

The entire internet is freaking out over Ukitake being in hell. Honestly Kubo has done far worse, and we've established that Soul Society is a corrupt system that hasn't changed, so I'm not surprised he would pull something like this.

At the same time, Kubo 1. cheated his audience. 2. continues to prove me right that he cannot bring himself to kill his characters

1. Hollows who have commit murder in their human life are sent to hell. Syazel and Aaorniero are two of these hollows, and yet, when they are killed, there is NO gates of hell scene. We see them there later in the hell chapter (which was more of a promotion for the fourth movie and I didn't believe it would hold any merit)

But the same goes for Ukitake. We never see the gates of hell take him. What, was hell late? Did hell's gates get lost like an uber before picking him up? It's bull. Withholding such vital information from your audience, not showing the gates of hell when they should pick up this soul IMMEDIATELY is ... I mean its a lie. Kubo lied to his audience.

2. Now we are told powerful shinigami are sent to hell when they die. First of all that sounds like a security threat. Wouldn't shinigami want revenge for that? Or attempt to escape? Why would they still hold loyalty after being sent to a prison of eternal suffering?

Also "Yhwach and Aizen" were the only ones keeping Hell's gates closed is way too convenient and doesn't really make any sense. I feel like Aizen should have deliberately gone to hell to retrieve powerful shinigami / hollows for his army instead of keeping it /closed/.

This is definitely a Kubo-doesn't-know-what-he's-doing-and-is -making- stuff-up-as-he-goes, but it might have a pinch of merit because of previous plot lines.... but either way, there's some big plot holes here, but again, its Kubo, so I expected nothing less.

Again, he can't kill off his characters. He introduced zombification, he introduced immortality through the hougyoku, he has Orihime and Hachigen's reversal / rejection abilities. He brought back Luppi, friggen.... a character who's entire upper half of his body was incinerated. Like.... come on. No. He's dead, you can't bring him back like that. That's a cop out and just weird. You're taking away consequences and grief.

(Also Yamamoto and Unohana deserve to be in hell far over Ukitake, they've done some fcked up stuff in their pasts unlike him)

Also Kubo's favorite character is Mayuri, which.... you're allowed to have a favorite problematic character. But Keeping said character alive and bared from the consequences of abusing his daughter, murdering innocents, and experimenting on your own squad members? Nah. Nope. Kill him, Kubo. Kill this dude.

(his weird attachment to Mayuri is probably why he keeps bringing Syazel back, since Syazel is Mayuri 2.0, but Syazel is the bad guy who does face consequences for his actions while Mayuri is not)

~

Also, I'm certain Kazui and Orihime are going to be THRILLED that their precious husband/dad is going to hell when he dies :)

(I just... Rukia teased Ichigo about leaving Orihime at home. She teased him about having a house wife who he leaves all the chores to. Orihime had two panels. She checks on her son who promised he would be at home and sleep. Kazui fcking breaks his promise like it never mattered to him and JUMPS out the window after pretending to sleep in front of his mother. ... An 8 year old... alone... in the middle of the night.)

Orihime is abandoned. She is not invited to SS, she is not informed of what is going on, her son leaves her.... I...

Orihime is a side character. She doesn't matter anymore. She hasn't mattered for a long, long time.

A part of me is glad she had little screen time, since she tends to waste it, but another part of me is embroiled with rage.

I've even see people try to defend this. "Orihime and Ichigo can't be together ALL the time, that's an unhealthy relationship!" and I'm like guys... that's not the point. The point is Orihime is not part of Ichigo's other life. Any shinigami stuff from now on is none of her business. She's going to stay at home while Kazui and Ichigo go off and save the world. Ichigo is going to be fighting by Rukia and Renji while Orihime watches from the sidelines, or worse, doesn't even know what is going on with her husband and son. Orihime is going to be uninformed and abandoned, because she has not proven she is capable of fighting by their sides(go on, @ me. I will fight this. She's a failure.), and also because she prefers a human life over a dead one. Which is ironic, because she married a dead man. Ichigo is a shinigami, and he will be one forever. god forbid she ever meets his Zanpaktou. She would tremble in fear at the monsters her husband harbors in his soul, especially when she realizes they don't care about her and would rather see her dead. (Zangetsu would absolutely kill Orihime. Not sure about Kazui, but Orihime has not accepted Zangetsu, she does not like either of them, and the feeling is assuredly mutual.) frick now I want to make a comic about this

Also still frustrated over Zangetsu's shikai / bankai regression. Kubo once again lied to his audience. Ichigo has no bankai. How ridiculous is that? The main character of BLEACH doesn't have a bankai. Insulting.

(RIP to Chad. He doesn't exist anymore. He's just gone. No mention, no cameo. Gone.)

Kazui is a demon child. That character from the novels? Hikone? They're the same character. Literally same personality, same power level. Its worse because Kazui is a liar. He constantly goes behind his parents' backs. He can summon creepy fish and creepy eyeballs and open portals like is ANYONE aware of this? How has SS not kidnapped Ichigo's son and experimented on him / locked away his powers yet? All substitute shinigami require a reiatsu controlling / spy badge to keep them in line. Where is Kazui's? Or is he just a weird fullbringer?

I was worried Kubo was gonna try and pull a knock off Boruto but luckily he kept the focus on Ichigo and the others. But that being said, Ichika and Kazui are now just... sort of there? Kazui was kinda just.... having his own adventure that doesn't matter to the plot at hand, and Ichika had some nice characterization at first but she just hid behind her dad the whole time.

I have a feeling Kazui is gonna step in at the last minute or do some major behind the scenes thing that indirectly interferes with the main plot so no one will realize how powerful and dangerous he actually is. Its sad because Ichika is the superior character in personality and likability, but she clearly is not going to have a bigger part in this.

Ichigo having a normal life after everything still feels extremely boring and uncomfortable to me. Everyone's like 'I'm still bLEACH!" but.... BLEACH just... doesn't feel like BLEACH anymore. It hasn't for a while now.

~~~

There's two new shinigami characters. Didn't care for the girl, but the Sign Language kid who talks to animals is adorable ... however... he just reminds me of Chad, and I just... it hurts knowing Chad has essentially been deleted. Chad and Orihime are officially benched. They have chosen the human world, and Orihime has given Ichigo his spawn so she has no more use/purpose to him anymore... ////sigh

~~~

Also. This is claimed to be a new "arc". So is the BLEACH manga coming back? What is happening. I thought Kubo was tired and didn't want to do BLEACH anymore. I thought Shounen Jump cut him off. People made so many excuses for Kubo and why the past two arcs have been so badly written the past 6 years and now almost everything they've attempted to defend him with has been revoked.

BLEACH is going to continue to screw up its plot lines and characters, so Its probably best for it to stay dead but I've seen a lot of Kubo stans drooling over this content, they're desperate for BLEACH's return, but its already given out all its possible revelations. There's really nothing else to top here. It's just going to make things up as it goes along ,and I'm not really here for half-assed writing like that, especially since the damage of rushing the previous manga has already been done. Kubo and Shounen Jump are riding off a money nostalgia. None of this was planned.

Honestly though.... overall feeling of this chapter, not as bad as it could have been.

Syazel stole the spotlight, and he's my friend's favorite character, so that's all that really matters.

[u-n-k-n-o-w-n-p-e-r-s-o-n]

how depression changed me the past few years. The first list was from a few years ago, the second list in now 07/24/2022

Ten things people dont know about me

1. I chip the nail polish off my nails five minutes after I paint them.

2. I never play a song all the way through when its playing out loud.

3. Breakfeast is my favorite meal of the day even though I never eat it because im busy sleeping til 2 pm.

4. Im a night person, I love everything about the night.

5. I believe the best kinda music was in the 40’s and 50’s

6. Im obsessed with candles

7. I go crazy when babies, dogs or cats are near. I love them.

8. I love to sing (not that I can)

9. I do not like heights, I even hate being on a step stool.

10. I like spoken poetry and dark sentimental documentaries

Yup. If thats the kinda girl you like here ya go.

10 things people do not know about me

1. I barely paint my nails anymore. If there's something I can control I will.

2. I now play the song all the way through, I feel a much stronger emotion towards them.

3. Breakfeast is no longer my favorite meal, to be honest, I'm tired of eating all together. It's kinda all taste the same. I have my good days sometimes though.

4. I still have bad insomnia, but I am not longer a Nighy person, it's so quiet and I can do nothing but sit there and think. I don't have many people I can talk to anymore, and don't have many plans I can look forward too.

5. I believe the best music is any music that puts alot if soul into it.

6. I love candles, but I'm tired of burning myself.

7. I'm still an animal person but ever since I had to rehome Theodore I haven't felt the same. Nothing can compare and I miss him everyday. He got me through the darkest of times. I love my dog freyja, but I'm not sure if I have the heart nor energy to get another animal. I'd feel like I'm replacing theo.

8. I don't like to sing anymore, I'd rather not hear myself

9. I still do not Like heights!

10. I still love spoken poetry but I haven't been keeping up. I don't have to focus to learn new poetry. Even though I want to. I'd like to read again.

[animated-antagonist]

Qibli has a terrible arc

HEAR ME OUT.

Before you attack me for this, I genuinely don’t care if you like or hate him. I never loved him, but he wasn’t as bad as moon. Sometimes he’s funny, I like his interactions with winter, but I never really cared about him. But the way his mind was described in moon rising made me excited for his pov in book 10.

Then I read it and realized that he’s a boring, whiny, obsessive character who I was immediately sick of.

Darkness of dragons as a whole is a fucking mess from start to finish. And because I have nothing better to do right now, im going to explain why.

This is all my opinion, and it is based on story structure and character arc guidelines and stuff that I have learned recently. Feel free to disagree. Qibli is a decent character with his charm and humour, but he has the worst character arc out of all wof books. Yes that includes the hive queen and dragonslayer.

 Ok so first, what I like about qibli: like two things: his relationship with winter, and his sense of humour. I like his playful banter with the shiny ice dragon prince. It’s entertaining. And he does have the occasional joke that manages to somewhat amuse me.

 Literally everything else about him is awful. So let’s talk about that.

 Memorable characters are driven by three main things: desire, fear, and misbelief.

 Winter’s misbelief is that his life’s worth is determined by a ranking on a wall and what his tribe thinks of him. This also results in him believing that working with others and expressing love and trust are signs of weakness. He’s afraid of being a disappointment to his tribe because he’s experienced that feeling in his past already, and never wants to face it again. And yet … he does want more. He’s more open and caring than the rest of his family, and in the two backstory scenes we get, it’s clear he’s far more willing to bend the rules to be even a little more free.

 Peril’s misbelief is that she’s too dangerous to make her own decisions. Therefore, she’s instantly loyal to anyone who expresses a hint of interest or affection to her. This leads to her being easy to manipulate, and Scarlet does just that. She’s afraid of displeasing the people she’s loyal to, but she does want to be free. But her backstory and eight years of living by Scarlet’s orders and not having a single thought of her own has lead her to subconsciously believe that she constantly has to have someone make all her choices for her. She doesn’t go after Scarlet for her own benefit, it never crosses her mind once. She’s doing it because she knows it will make Clay happy, and not herself.

 Turtle always wanted to be a hero. That’s literally in the book blurb. But the Snapper incident in his backstory makes him doubt that he will ever be anything more than just another SeaWing prince. Thanks to his mother’s stories, he believes that in order to be a real hero, he has to do great, epic things like slaying whole armies by himself. He wants to be a hero, but his misbelief and fear of being noticed get in the way of his wants.

 And they all grow and overcome their fears and misbeliefs. Winter realizes that his friends would never hurt him the same way his family would. He realizes that it’s okay to love and be loved, to trust and be trusted. He goes back to his friends because he knows that, even if they can be annoying some times, it’s so much better than having his worth determined by a family and tribe that never approved of him and probably never will. Peril discovers that her misbelief is leading her to make the wrong decisions. Her growth is so strong that she can take off an animus touched object. She knows she’s right. She can make her own choices, and she’s done letting others use her as a toy. Turtle saves his sister, not by taking down an army, but by tossing her his enchanted stick to keep her hidden from Darkstalker. In doing that, he’s proven that he’s evolved and changed as a character. They all still have doubts at times, but that’s normal. These three characters have some of the best arcs I’ve ever seen.

 Now back to Qibli.

 His family told him he was worthless and couldn’t do anything as an ordinary dragon. This sparked the misbelief that he has to have power, or in this world animus magic, to have worth. He’s afraid of being worthless, and wants to feel valuable. That’s a great setup for a great character. Qibli could have, and should have, been one of the best wof characters of all time.

 But no he fucking sucks.

 I’m going to focus on him as a character here. The Vulture stuff is boring as hell and I don’t care to talk about it. The whole book is shit and I will never read it again, so let’s continue.

 Again, Qibli is set up to be an excellent character. When he goes to find Ostrich, he brings with him Anemone’s bracelets, which makes perfect sense. He doesn’t want to be powerless, so of course he’s going to bring that magic, that power, with him. More setup that goes no where, because when he uses them, he doesn’t even face consequences.

 Pausing here because I hate it so much.

 CONSEQUENCES ARE WHAT MAKE CHARACTERS GROW. If they face ZERO consequences for their actions, they won’t LEARN anything. Qibli using the bracelets works for his character, but I just cannot believe that Thorn would just let him walk away after burying the ENTIRE FUCKING KINGDOM in sand. I hate it so much. Qibli just getting a free pass and facing no consequences is so bad. He doesn’t even express that much remorse or guilt. That could work for a negative character arc (which I genuinely would have preferred from Qibli but I’ll get to that later) but for a positive arc? The magic and power he craves so deeply just got his entire kingdom buried. He should have so much more internal conflict now, because the thing he wants so badly just did more harm than good.

 Okay. Next part. This one isnt’ really related to his character arc, just more of him being a kinda jerk for a few seconds. Winter expresses great concern over travelling over Darkstalker’s teeth, and Qibli just teases him about it. Winter has known about Darkstalker’s malice his whole life, was brainwashed by him, and is truly terrified of him. If Qibli had teased him about anything else I wouldn’t have an issue, but Winter was scared for his life in this moment and Qibli just completely ignores it. Or maybe I’m wrong I haven’t touched the book in years because I hate it that much.

 Back to his ‘arc’.

 Wait no this is an issue I have with the book: the cliffhanger of book 9 was Turtle losing his animus magic and they just kinda fixed it in two seconds here. It’s very upsetting and kinda comical that they fixed it so effortlessly lmao.

 Back to Qibli.

 Uh nothing happens for a while. Just boring Moonbli WHICH, might I add, is the worst wof ship (excluding problematic ones ofc). They have zero chemistry and honestly I find Qibli a bit obsessive. He always thinks ‘what would Moon do’ or ‘will Moon love me if I do this?’ which yeah it ties into his ‘I want to be loved and have value’ motivation but it still feels a bit excessive and annoying at times. Pair that with his constant nagging about how ‘oh no if only I had that gosh darn scroll!’ or ‘how can moon ever choose meeee when she has winterrrr’. Moon described his mind to be fast and full of commotion, but we never see any of that in this book. It’s just constant whining and complaining.

 Then he goes another step further and blames Winter for getting angry at Moon for??? being friends with the dragon who just tried to murder his whole tribe???? Moon’s a fucking idiot for continuing to be friends with Darkstalker after everyone keeps telling her how bad he is. KINKAJOU, HER SUPPOSED BEST FRIEND, tells her all about what Darkstalker did to Turtle, and Moon’s just okay with it??? And then when Winter confronts her about still trusting Darkstalker after everything he’s done not just to the IceWings, but her friends as well, that Darkstalker brainwashed Winter and he’s not okay with it, Qibli calls him self-righteous for exploding with fury. What else do you expect?? This moment killed all three ships for me. It was an unnecessary event that’s only purpose was to give Tui a reason to make Moonbli canon instead of Winterwatcher.

 Onto the climax (which by the way is like the only semi decent part of this whole book). Qibli again uses his power to save the day. SERIOUSLY??? Ok fine it makes sense because this book has zero structure whatsoever. Qibli doesn’t have to make the impossible choice at the end of act one. He doesn’t face a goal shift at the midpoint. He doesn’t look a disaster right in the face. You cannot convince me that he’s changed at all over the course of this book.

 Because he doesn’t. He uses magic at the climax and boom everything is fixed. I like the concept of the empathy spell but it just doesn’t fit with this kind of character arc, unless it comes before the dark moment and fits into the supposed victory plot-point (thinking again now I think it sort of does but I’m too lazy to go change things so deal with it).

 And then oh no we get the temptation plot point! This is often my favourite plot point in stories that have it because we get to see the protagonist drop their misbelief and refuse the offer because they’ve changed! Reading this and thinking, oh wow he’s going to refuse it because he’s gone through a super dynamic character journey and arc!’ … then realizing no he’s not, because Tui forgot to include that and now makes Qibli refuse the offer for completely different reasons.

 See in a book with a good character arc, the character will refuse this offer because they’ve outgrown it. They no longer see value in it because they now have something greater to live for. I like this plot point much more than darkest moment if I’m being honest. So Darkstalker offers Qibli all he’s ever wanted: animus magic. Will Qibli accept, or decline? And why?

 He declines. But not for the right reasons.

 Qibli doesn’t refuse Darkstalker’s offer because he’s changed or grown. He doesn’t refuse it because he now sees no value in this because he’s seen happiness anywhere else. He refuses because he knows he can’t trust Darkstalker.

 … wow.

 i hate this book so much istg

 If Qibli had gone through a dynamic arc, he would have refused for better reasons.

 It’s just so disappointing. He has no reason to refuse that other than the fact that Darkstalker is untrustworthy. Holy shit.

 I take character arcs and story structure very seriously, and Qibli is just AWFUL when it comes to this.

 After three books that had such epic, emotional character arcs, DoD feels like a downgrade. And that’s why I think Qibli is a terrible character.

 But hey you know what COULD have worked?? Giving Qibli a NEGATIVE arc instead!

 I know he’s Darkstalker’s foil. That’s cool I don’t care. GIVE HIM A NEGATIVE ARC!! I would have LOVED IT SO MUCH MORE if Qibli accepted Darkstalker’s offer and arc 3 was all about all the other protagonists coming together to stop him and Darkstalker. That would have made a much better third arc. And you can bring in the other tribes if you want to I don’t care just find a way to make it work.

 It would have made so much more sense and fit the story so much more if Qibli accepted Darkstalker’s offer and became an evil animus alongside him. It also could have given Moonbli more time and chemistry! I still would have shipped Winterwatcher because well, Winter, but I probably wouldn’t hate Moonbli if this was the way the story went. Or maybe Qinter could be a thing. Imagine like a really emotional moment where Qibli is about to kill Winter and Winter just talks to him or something idk something romantic and sad. Would be great because there’s zero mlm rep in wof.

 Fuck it I’m gonna make an au about this.

 Yeeah that’s my rant over. I don’t hate Qibli as a character and I think he had so much potential but the way the story is written, I honestly thought he would have a negative arc instead. Wow I really want that au now I can’t stop thinking about it haha. But yeah Qibli is charismatic at times and a bit fun but his arc is terrible. Moon had a better arc than Qibli. MOON.

Sorry if this came off as aggressive at times I just wanted to voice my opinion. If you like him, that’s cool! I just don’t. He’s not one of my favourites although he could have been. Missed potential in my opinion. This is a very long rant so if you’re still reading this … thanks lol.

 Have a good day/night. Im gonna make that au now lmao.

[jadedxrealityw]

-Halloween- Draco Malfoy x Female Reader

Summary: It’s Halloween time, which means the Weasley twins are up to no good. They play a prank on Y/N that goes to far.

Warning: panic attacks, cursing, soft Draco, mature themes

House: Slytherin 

      ♡~🐍~♡

     Halloween, one of Y/N’s favorite holiday’s. She loved everything about Halloween. Down to trick or treating and carving pumpkins. She used to love to spend time with her parents on Halloween, but after they died while fighting Death-Eaters in her home. The holiday was never the same, but she still enjoyed it nonetheless.

     The twins had left her a note on her dorm room door. How they got into the Slytherin dorms was beyond her, but the Weasley twins always found a way when it came to there pranks. The note read “Princess, we have something to tell you in the room of requirement, come after breakfast” she stared at it for a couple seconds before shrugging.

     The twins were her best friends so she figured what ever they needed had to be important. With it being a free day at Hogwarts she wore Draco’s green jumper. It had his name on the back and she loved to wear it and he loved to see her in it. with it always being cold in Hogwarts she wore black leggings to keep her warm. She headed out the common room and to the great hall.

     When Y/N got there her eyes wandered until they landed on her Boyfriend. She walked slowly until she made her way behind him, covering his eyes with the palms of her hands. She leaned down “Guess who?” she whispers in his ear with a giggle. Draco smirked lightly as he put his hands over her’s “Hmm let me see? Parkinson?” he teased making Y/N huff and go to pull her hands away, but Draco gripped them and pulled her to sit down next to him.

     “Awe love, i'm only joking” He fake pouts at her angered expression. Y/N puffed her cheeks out in annoyance before a evil iea popped in her mind “When i did it to Harry he knew it was me” Draco’s eyebrow raised slightly and his hands let go of her hands and gripped her waist “You did what?” he seethed. Yes, jealous Draco. “Awe love, I’m only joking” she mocked his voice. He glared at her before dipping his head into her neck “You know better then to tease me, love” he muttered against her skin.

     Draco suddenly bit her neck, Y/N gasped and covered her mouth with her hand careful not to drawn attention to them. “Draco, n-not here” she whimpered as he gave her waist a light squeeze “You know i don't like when you mention saint Potter” he bit her neck again giving her the same reaction as the first time. Removing her hand from her mouth “You know i don't like when you mention Pansy” she retorts. He smiled slightly before moving his head to look at her “Fine, im sorry” he says and leans into capture her lips with his i a sweet kiss.

     Y/N smiles like an idiot as he pulls away, “Apology excepted, i won't talk about Harry again” Draco smiles and he lets go of her. She moves her body to lean against his and they began to eat breakfast.

      ♡~🐍~♡

     As breakfast ended Y/N sat up straight and stretched her arms. Draco stood up from his seat and held out his hand for his girlfriend, which she happily took and stood up as well “So, wanna head to my dorm so i can give you more then those two bites” he says in a low tone, his hand pushing the hair from my neck to gaze upon his work of art. Y/N’s face heated up at his words and playfully hit his chest “I have to meet up with the twins first for something” she shrugs.

     Draco frowned as he wrapped his arms around her torso “But you’ve been so busy lately. I want Y/N time too” he whines like a five year old who has been denied his favorite toy. His actions make Y/N giggle a bit “It’ll only be a minute then im all yours for the rest of the day” Draco perked up at the words and grinned happily “10 minutes okay?” he says and Y/N nods “10 minutes” she repeats. She gives him a short kiss and pulls away from his grasp.

    Y/N waves to him before she leaves the great hall, leaving a lovestruck Draco behind to smile stupidly before heading to his dorm to wait for his lovely Slytherin girlfriend.

      ♡~🐍~♡

     Y/N pushed opened the doors to the room of requirement to see no one there. She’s very confused but walks in just in case they were just behind something and that's the reason she couldn't see them. “George?” she calls out, but no one answered. “Fred?” no answer as well. She sighs. Those idiots forgot about there meeting that quick. Y/N would definitely would deal with them later, but a very handsome boy was waiting for her back at the dorms.

     Just as Y/N was about to turn around towards the door it shuts with a loud sound. She jumps slightly and looks around frantically “Guys, you better not be messing with me!” she snaps. The lights started to flicker making her shudder and think back to that night when Death-Eaters came to her home. Suddenly the lights were out. Leaving her in the pitch black. Her breathing sped up and she instinctively backed up until she hit something hard. 

     Thinking it was a wall Y/N sighed, until it grabbed at her making her yelp and push away. Loud sounds cam from everywhere. Crashing and shouting, taking her to the darkest corners of her mind. she fell to her knees and held her hands over her ears. Trying to drown out the noise. Her heartbeat was going extremely fast and her breathing was erratic. “George i dont think this is funny anymore” a voice came from the darkness “Turn the lights back on Fred” 

     The lights were switched back on and the twins were seen holdinmetallicic objects that they used to bang together and create the loud noise. Y/N was rocking back and forth in her place making the Weasleys worried. “Princess?” George crouched beside her and touched her shoulder. She screamed and backed away, shutting her eyes “It’s just us!” Fred exclaimed.

     Y/N was to far into her mind to process that she was safe and no one was going to hurt her, George was now extremely panicked and looked at his brother “Get Malfoy maybe he’ll know what to do?!” he suggested. Fred nodded hastily and ran out the room. George turned back to Y/N and frowned

      ♡~🐍~♡

     Fred ran up the stairs, doing his best not to fall, he saw a couple of Slytherins outside the common room door. He made his way to them out of breath “What do you want Weasley?” Pansy sneered, crossing her arms “I...need....Malfoy......Y/N” he sabetweenent pants for air “What?” Pansy laughed, making the two other Slytherins laugh with her. 

     “Your not bullying Gryffindors again are you Pansy?” A voice came from the stairs. Blaise Zabini. He looked at the Weasley and nodded towards him “Why do you need to see Malfoy?” he asked. He knew Y/N was friends with them so he wanted to be somewhat respectful. “We played a prank on Y/N, but she’s freaking out and we need Malfoy to calm her down!” “You what?!” Exclaimed a blond Slytherin who had just walked out the common room.

     “Were so sorry we didnt!-” “I dont care for your shitty excuses, take me to my girlfriend now, Weasley!” Draco snapped with an angered expression. Fred nodded slowly before they both ran down the stairs. Leaving the shocked Slytherins behind them “He really loves her” Blaise chuckled with a smirk.

      ♡~🐍~♡

     Fred pushed the door open and Draco rushed in quickly, he saw his girlfriend against a wall with her hands in her face. Her loud sobs and rough breathing made his heart tug violently. George spotted them and walked over quickly. “Don't be loud, it’ll only freak her out more” he said in a hushed tone. Draco growled and pulled his wand out, pointing it at the both of them. They raised their hands quickly “What. Did. You. Do?” he hissed, venom lacing his voice.

     “We brought her here with a note and let her walk in, when she went to leave we shut the door, turned out the lights, made loud noises and grabbed at her. It was supposed to be funny but she started freaking out so we stopped” George explained quickly. Fred nodded in agreement. Draco glared at them before pointing to the door with his wand “Out now” the twins nodded and left in a rush.

     When Y/N and Draco started to get serious she told him of the story on how her parents died. Every detail. He knew what triggered you, he knew why you were so upset now. His first thought was that he wished he talked you out of coming, but how could he have known. He pocketed his wand before crouching down next to you.

     Draco reached out and grabbed your hand, your body started to shake and you pushed away “Love, open your eyes it’s me. Draco your boyfriend” he said, but you weren’t listening. Despite your flailing body he wrapped his arms around you “Y/N just listen to my voice” Y/N could smell his cologne and the scent of green apples suddenly. It made her feel safe, and at peace. Her breathing started to slow down as Draco whispered reassuring words into her ear.

     Y/N pulled her head away from his chest to look at his face. He looked worried and was that a tear? “Draco?” she whispered. He looked at her and smiled “There you are” he said sweetly. She reached up and wiped the tear from his face “Why are you crying?” she asked, her voice rough from sobbing. “You have no idea how much pain it brings me when you are like that” he whispered, his voice cracking.

     “I may never be able to know what goes on in your head, but i will always be here to pick you up when you fall, my love” Y/N smiles at his words as she grabs his face. She moves her body to wrap her legs around his torso “Thank you so much Draco” she leans her forehead against his. He smiles and put one hand on the small of her back to push her body flush against his while the other cupped her face.

     “Like i said, always” Draco’s hand slithered from her face to the nape of her neck to pull her into a deep kiss. She responds instantly and kisses back with the same amount of love he does. They pull away out of breath making him grin “Want to take this to my dorm finally?” he says, his head dipping into her neck to bite at the sensitive skin. Y/N whimpers softly and smiles “Yeah”

     A/N: Kinda spicy, but not a smut. I could write smut if you guys want. My requests are open for anyone that wants to ♡