#and im gonna split them with my dog to apologize for screaming at him

[mooifyourecows]

the vibes today are atrocious

which should be illegal because i look cute

[shutupandplayasong]

Cobra Kai headcanons

Not x reader. Just general headcanons I have for the main characters. Will probably do a part 2 for the adults and side characters

Tw for quite a bit of swearing.

Miguel:

The cursed child craves raisin cookies

Like. He just? Eats them? For fun???

This boy gets lost taking the trash out.

His sense of direction is so bad it makes his GPS cry

Kicks ass at arcade games like pinball or pacman

Could fall asleep in the bed of a moving truck he doesn't care. When he's tired, he. is. tired.

Eli:

Im splitting up Eli and Hawk so this might end up janky oops

I feel like he'd have an emotional support dog? Especially before he joined CK

I'm picturing a doofy lil corgi. Probably named Nemo or Yoshi or something cute like that

When he was a kid he'd BEG his mom for a little sister. He's still lowkey disappointed he never got one.

His most "embarrassing" secret? He wants to see snow.

He was born and raised in California so he's never seen snow in real life and he desperately wants to. Straight up dreams of it

It'd be like one of those viral husky videos where he's sitting in the middle of a blizzard, caked in ice and when you ask if he wants to come inside he'd just be like "nah"

He'd never admit it though. He thinks it sounds childish.

Hawk:

He obviously talks a big game and acts tough but if there's one thing that'll make him scream like a little girl it's gonna be rats

Like just the word "rat" makes him gag

Paints his nails. He's actually pretty good at it

For sure tried "guy liner" once but Johnny told him it wasn't badass :/

The most agro backseat driver but if you pull that shit with him he'll cry

Demetri:

Secret brony

Definitely had a FNAF phase

Oh and Undertale

Very big into ARGs. Like the Mandela Catalogue or Daisy Brown

LOVES those low-budget, made-for-TV Sci-fi movies.

Forget camp. This boy wants garbage.

Can't drive for shit

You're telling me Demetri went to the Halloween dance in a serious costume?

Blasphemy.

He is too lanky and too ironic to not go as Mr. Noodle or something stupid like that

The neediest, whiniest, most annoying patient when he is sick/injured. He takes full advantage.

He pinches his finger in a drawer and he's not lifting a hand the rest of the day. You pick up the remote.

Gives me "weird double jointed kid" vibes

"Hey did I show you I can flip my foot backwards?"

"Yes. 37 times."

"Well lemme show you again just in case"

Robby:

Also paints his nails but does a much messier job of it

Left handed

I feel like he has a knack for learning new languages

Can turn anything into a 5 star meal

Give him cheerios, clamato juice and a single banana and he'll make it work.

Unlike Miguel and Demetri, this boy never gets lost and is the calmest, safest driver you could travel with

Why do I have driving headcanons for everyone wtf

Very good at board games

OH HE FOR SURE HAD A MAGICIAN PHASE

Sam:

You wouldn't guess it but she can kick anyone's ass at any videogame

Likes cosplay

Idk I just feel like her character is a lot dorkier than the show portrays?

Very wimpy driver. She just let's everyone cut her off and she'll apologize?

Theater kid energy

The biggest horsegirl

Tory:

She's a reformed horsegirl, thank you very much 😒

Definitely listens to Twenty One Pilots. You decide if that's a good or bad thing.

Look me in the eyes and tell me she wasn't into that whole Jeff The Killer/creepypasta craze

Straight up making creepypasta roleplay quizzes on Quotev

Is the one cutting people off on the road

Very much into soap operas. She watches them with her mom :)

She also watches cartoons with her little brother or plays pretend with him when her schedule allows it

Wants to move to Europe when she's an adult. I'm thinking Italy or Spain?

Aisha:

Ultimate plant mom

She gives me "Christmas is my favorite holiday" vibes but like. Tastefully.

Will nag her friends to drink water and go to bed on time but can not and will not take her own advice

Obligatory mini-van friend.

Best driver, just behind Robby.

I'm so mad she and Demetri didn't have any screen time together. I just know they'd be best friends.

Oh and Moon. I feel like they'd bond over journaling and crystals and stuff

Oh what I'd give for a spin off show about Demetri, Aisha and Moon.

Demetri, the pessimistic geek on one end of the spectrum. Moon, the wholesome, patient, optimistic hippie on the other end. And Aisha right in the middle. I don't know how it works but it just does for me.

Back on track. She has her own Etsy jewelry shop

Likes to feed stray cats <3

[lost-in-sokovia]

okay, soph, first of all i apologize for this ABSOLUTE DISSERTATION that i will be writing in ur inbox, but i must express this.

i have to let you know your impact with auggie. okay. so. look. one of my favorite songs of literally all time is god's country by ethel cain, (may or may not be the title source for a certain joby taylor fic but shhhh) but NOOOWWW every time i listen to it i cannot HELP but think about, eddie and y/n's dynamic while raising auggie.

okay, yeah, hear me out: so my interpretation of said song is that it is essentially about a couple who's been born into a bad situation, and just like, all of the odds are against them. you know, bad childhood, they dont have much money. (much like, eddie and y/n living in Gotham, we know eddie had a bad childhood, we can assume they dont have the most disposable income) but like despite all of this, the couple is still optimistic, and lets their love prevail, and basically they fight to survive despite it all. (which is quite clear in ur writing, eddie and y/n are madly in love with each other and rarely do they let their dismal situation get in betwewn their love for each other and auggie)

anyways, in regards to lyricism, what really makes me think about this whole auggieverse situation is these lines:

"When you’re old you’ll understand But we’re hurting now so what are we to do 'til then? Cradling pictures of you" OKAY like this lyric specifically makes me think of when eddie goes off to prison and like reader is trying to explain things to auggie. like, she's kind of skirting around the subject, ya know.... just telling auggie like, "i'll tell you everything when you're older" bc obviously she's not going to tell a 5 y/o that his dad is a murderer. and in regards to the "cradling pictures of you", like reader looking back through pictures of old memories while eddie is gone.

"Our kids will grow up with half as much Trying to build something out of dust Finding out too late what they need" okay, this part reminds me of like, you know, eddie and y/n being young, unmarried parents, and again, i assume, not the most financially well-off. so, kind of just them having to come to terms with they aren't going to be able to SPOIL SPOIL their child, and theyre just trying their best to make ends meet and give august the happiest life they possibly can in their situation. which again is hard in gotham bc resources are already limited there, so he's already not going to have the easiest childhood. (but obviously eddie and y/n do EVERYTHING for auggie, and spoil him as much as they possibly can)

AND OKAY ALMOST OVER

but there's a part right before the climax of the song where ethel repeats over and over "don't sink in me with your dog teeth" and this part totally makes me think about y/n finding out eddie is the riddler, and even if she already knows, like physically seeing the results of his crimes on the news, and seeing him at arkham and probably has her a little scared. i mean no matter how much you love someone, knowing they have it in them to brutally kill is going to probably make you feel something. and even for a split moment, i can assume y/n is a little scared of her seemingly sweet eddie's capabilities for violence. and i presume, ESPECIALLY when they argue at arkham, she might worry he could turn that anger onto her, hence don't sink in me with your dog teeth.

okay, yeah, that is my thesis paper apparently sdsdcscsdsdcssds. i just wanted you to know that now i think of auggie every time i listen to one of my favorite songs, OMFG UR IMPACT

why did this make me choke up im screaming crying throwing up banging my head against the wall ANYA what the hell😭😭😭 YOU LITERALLY CAPTURED EVERYTHING IM TRYING TO PUSH IN THE AUGGIEVERSE JESUS!!!! im 1000% going to have to listen to this song now, and omfg when i publish for the future it’s all gonna add up🥺

[infinitewhore]

First day experience!

Mentions:@lethal-justice oc Gorgon

A little note:it may be way too long bc i went into detail so i apologize dearly!

Also only warning is Swear words but thats already a knowing thing for me

ⁱ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ᵉᵛᵉʳʸᵒⁿᵉ ʷʰᵒˢ ʳᵉᵃᵈⁱⁿᵍ ᵗʰⁱˢ

"Speech"

'Thoughts'

"Mornin, Im Tory Nickname Gridlock!" A woman with a Thick Aussie Accent Held her Hand out, "Hel-", Before the smaller woman could speak, The other one spoke to her in a quite tone "No hables con ella, seré yo quien hable."(Don't talk to her, I'll be the one to talk.) "Hola, im Arca" he points at the smaller woman "ella es Ecre". (Shes Ecre)

"We just have to wait for Thermite" Said Tory, "Why?" Asked Arca with obvious confusion, "Well ya and Yer friend there Gonna be Split Up Since We cant Have One person Showin Around Multiple Peps!", Her Australian Accent was Amazing to Ecre, it really ignited the love for Languages and Accents in her. "Hey! Sorry im late i had a little bicker with Eliza", A guy with Bee like goggles, a black helmet and bandages around his Arms came running into the room, "Aight kiddos this is jordan or Thermite wichever ya prefer.", Gridlock put a arm around the smaller man, "So your coming with me" said Thermite pointing at Ecre, "And your comin with me" gridlock pointed at arca.

Ecre Started walking towards Thermite when Arca grabbed her Arm, "No hables, mantén tu máscara puesta, y no le digas tu verdadero nombre."(dont talk, keep you're mask on and dont tell him you're real name) "sí hermano" (yes brother)

"So, Whats with the mask?" Jordan was showing her the way to the Gym, "its a Privacy thing, My brother doesn't really like having people know our identity's" Ecre's'

head hung low, "can i see you're face?" Taking off his Protective goggles, he looked at her with puppy eyes,"I- i dont really know if thats a good idea, sir" resisting him is hard, his good looks and that goofy puppy dog face is making her want to give in, "Pleasee? Aren't we like Best friendssss?" He spoke in a female like voice putting his hand on his hip, "Fine i guess, But no pictures okay. Or else" With a stern voice she took off the top part of her mask. "Damn you have Pretty eyes. And hair!" he looked at her like she was something he had never seen before. She put on her Mask again, "We arrived in the Gym" opening a door to a huge room full of training gear for Ecre to walk into. "Whos thiz you brought Jordan!" Someone's from across the room yelled, "The newbie, just showing her Around Monika!" A blond haired woman came running up to them, "Hallo! Ich bin Monika! Nickname IQ part of The GSG9!"(im Monika) She held out her hand, "Ecre, Es ist mir eine Ehre, Dich kennenzulernen!"(its a honor to meet you) fluent german with a Spanish accent came out of her mouth wich shocked both the Texan and the German woman before her, "fluent in German, Wunderbar!" Iq was Jumping in Excitement when screaming was heard from across the room. "Gorgon! Lesion is so much fucking better then that dumbass blond!" A woman with brown hair, pink bangs and a russian Accent yelled at another woman with green and black hair, Named gorgon, most likely. "Achlys you have to stop listening and believing the bad shit they say about him hes not Heartless!!" She Awnserd, "Well hes a arrogant little shit!" The 'russian' woman called Achlys said. Gorgon was about to say something again when achlys interrupted her, "i will set you up with lesion! You need better taste in men!" Gorgon looked a bit mad at that. "Im litreally right next to you guys." a Blond Man said, "Shut up Flament!" Achlys yelled, "None gives a shit!" The three of them walked out of the gym, the two women stilll bickering at eachother while the Man waved at jordan and Monika, "Das war Achlys, Gorgon und Olivier."(that was)(And) Said IQ with a giggle. "Ill let the two of you Infrieden, Auf wiedersehen Ecre!"(ill let the two of you be, goodbye) Monika walked off waving, but she stopped,"You and Jordan do look Adorable Together!" She laughed and ran, while Erce's face heated up. Jordan took the opertunity to sweep Ecre off her feet holding her by her waist, "Shes not lying you know" he whisperd to her with a wink. "Oh Fuck you, Trace!" She pushed him away to stand infront of him, "When and Where, My lady? Saturday, My Dorm? Of course!" He joked, "Sure, Saturday sounds nice for Sore legs~" she whisperd in his ear in a teasing manner.

"Lets go get some lunch eh?" She patted the man on his back, "sure, My lady!" he put his arm around her waist, "After lunch I'll show you to the CBRN unit" he looked down at her, "Oh, The CBRN. I wanted to join them when i was a bit Younger" she Giggled, the older Man had a confused look on his face, "Whats wrong?" She asked him thinking he was uspet with her

"So Why didn't you join them?" He looked at her with a caring look.

"Is it because of youre brother ?"

"Dont, talk Badly about Arca" she didn't look at him, instead she looked at the floor Thermite wrapped his arms around her,"i didn't mean it that way sweet cheeks" he said to her, She tried to push him off. "Please accept my apology" she sighs, "fine.. Pero solo porque te amo"(But only because I love you), she patted his head, "what does that mean?" He let go and looked at her, "nothing you should worry over, with you're little brain" she laughed, "You're a rude Woman!", he elbowed her side while she laughed it off.

"You guys dont have any Paella Valenciana?" She was obvious angry, "whatever that is, but No we dont have it. Im sorry? But we do have uhm i think it was Tortillas?" He rubbed his neck, "ah Tortillas! My favorite thing to-" Jordan was confused at her sudden silence. He tried to follow her head to see where she was looking. Arca entered the cafeteria with Girdlock, "you alright?" He didn't talk above a whisper but loud enough for her to hear she just nodded. "You can go sit down at that table. Ill order a Tortilla for you" he pointed towards the table where she was supposed to go and left to go get her, her food.

Ecre sat down at the table Jordan told her too, "Ah, Hola. Youre the Newbie, Right?" A woman with brown, curly, shoulder length hair spoke. "sí", ecre looked at her through the mask, "im Elena, Nickname Mira" she looked at the male who sat beside her, with his head buried deep in his book, waiting for him to introduce himself, he lifted his head and spoke "Ryad, Nickname Jackal" Ecre nodded, "Ecre" Elena tilted her head,"you're real name?" She looked at ecre,"im not allowed to give that intel about myself" Mira looked at Jackal and he just shrugged with his shoulders, "like Nøkk" he said.

"You're Tortilla, My lady" jordon cam from behind Ecre and placed down her plate with the tortilla on it, "gracias" she lifted the bottom part of her mask exposing her mouth, and started eating. Jordon started a conversation,but mostly Elena and Jordan were talking.

After a few minutes Ecre readjusted her mask to cover her whole face and stood up, "can we go to the CBRN unit now?" Ecre turned her head towards jordan, "hmm? Oh sure! See you later Elena and Ryad" he waved at them, grabbed ecres arm and dragged her away, "i can walk estúpido" she said, yanking her arm away from his grasp. "Were here!" Jordan tapped the code into the keypad, wich opend a door to a Huge Laboratory.

"The CBRN unit"he said putting his arm around ecre,"oh mi maldito dios"(oh my fucking god) excitement was the only thing Ecre felt that moment, "Oi Mate, Whose this Girlie?" A Man with a Avon S10/FM12 gas mask, and a british accent appeard infront of them, "This is the new girl Ecre, Porter" jordan spoke and pulled Ecre closer, "you're british. So you must be SAS, Special Air Service" Ecre looked at him, her eyes glowing in admiration under the mask, "You Know ya Military forces girlie" he laughed, he put out his hand for her to shake,"James, Nickname smoke" Ecre shook his hand," Leave the girlie to me, ill show her around the res of the CBRN Unit aighty?" Jame looked towards Jordan, "what do you want to do? He knows the lab better" jordan looked at ecre,"i guess, i mean I've always wanted to meet someone from the SAS" Ecre sounded excited to be able to get to know smoke better, smoke laughed at her statement,"then you'd be more then happy to meet my palls", thermite turned his back to the two, "Alright, enjoy yourself" thermite spoke "and Porter, Keep her safe! Doc doesn'twant the newbies in the medbay today" with that He left the CBRN lab. "What made a girlie like ya want to join rainbow?", smoke looked at her, "well my brother, Arca. Wanted us to join as It'd be a great opportunity to become better at what we do", she said.

Smoke walked to his testing box, "each operator who Uses CBRN related things have thier own testing box here, they're actually rooms but i call them box! some also call them thier Workstation. This is my Little box", Ecre tapped smoke's shoulder," is there a way i could uhmm join the CBRN unit of Rainbow?" She started fumbeling with her hands,"Ye wanna join the CBRN? Yeah after of course a few months of being at tainbow you can make that request. But you'd have to talk to the person in charge, lesion" ecre Tilted her head in confusion to who that is,"Right you dont know the man yet", Smoke took off his gas mask, took a deep breath and yelled

"LIU TZE LONG!!!"

"What is it porter?" A man in his forties came, "the newbie wanted to meet ya", smoke put his hand on Ecres lowerback and pushed her towards lesion, "Hello sir!" Ecre bowed her head, "you're making me feel older then i am by bowing" lesion laughed, "Lesion, my great pall!" Smoke walked up to the man and threw an arm around his shoulder, "im not giving you more money you sly bastard", lesion looked at him,"I'll act like i did not hear that, but no i wanted to ask if the newbie can join us", smoke smiled at him, "The CBRN Unit? Isn't she new. She can't change units yet" lesion pushed smokes arm off, "Please mate!" Smoke put his hands together in a begging motion,"Bloody hell mate.." smoke put his hand in his pocket and took out his wallet, "I'll pay you back the money i borrowed..", lesion sighs,"fine. But if anything happens its youre fault" lesion pointed at smokes chest, "thanks mate i appreciate it!" Smoke handed lesion the money and he left.

"Did- did you just bribe him?", Ecre looked at smoke,"Bribe him? i just paid the Dude back, wich i never do after i borrow Money!" He laughed,

"Welcome to the CBRN unit my Luv!"

"Smoke bribed Lesion?" Jordan sounded shoxked, "Yeah! But i got to join the CBRN unit sooooo" both of them laughed, "Alright last stop, My dorm!" Ecre giggled. Jordan stopped walking and rubbed his neck, "about that... You'd have to share a room with Jackal for a bit because we thought only one person will come, so we only added one room." Jordan let out a awkward giggle, "Hijo de puta"(son of a bitch) she pinched the bridge of her nose, "its only for a few days" jordan spoke, "hey" Jackal came running, "Esa perra de Mira me dijo demasiado tarde que se suponía que debía llevarte a nuestra habitación compartida."(That bitch Mira told me too late that I'm supposed to take you to our shared bedroom.) He mumbled under his breath, Jordan looked at jackal,"translate?" Ecre just giggled, "mira didn't tell him hes supposed to bring me to our room" jordan nodded,"welp since hes taking care of you now im heading to bed, Byeee!" Jordan walked off.

"¿estás bien?"(are you okay?) Ecre looked at the man, "sì, Follow me" he started walking. "Each special force have thier own dorms, For example the SAS share a dorm. And each dorm is fitted with a kitchen and a livingroom. The operators have thier own room each, With a bathroom. And thats it", Jackal spoke, "were here" he slid his keycard through a keycard lock.

Mira looked towards the door and laughed, "Idiota, no debería tener que decirte que hagas algo, ¡te lo dijeron antes!"(You idiot i shouldn't have to tell you to do something, you were told to do before!) She's sitting on the couch watching TV, "Vete a la mierda, perra"(fuck you, bitch), Mira laughed, "¿Ustedes siempre se hablan así?(do you guys always talk to eachother like that?), Ecre looked at them, "Oh yes this is Standard language!",Ecre laugher her response,"Come, i have to show you where my room is" jackal grabbed her arm and dragged her up a pair of stairs,"i can walk, Coño"(cunt),"Sorry Princesa" he Chuckled, and opend a door. "You'll be staying here until Friday, so the end of your first week", He closed the door behinde her once she entered the room,"I have 4 rules. 1 dont Anoy me on purpose. 2 dont go through my shit. 3 dont cuddle up to me in bed, since we'll sleep in the same bed." Ecre nodded, jackal took of his shirt,"im going to take a shower alrigh?" He turned to her,"Uh- ye-Yeah go do that!" She turned her head to the side, while he Chuckled and left for his shower.

'This week will be soo annoying'

[nct-lian]

nct dream’s relation to lian

RENJUN + LIAN: LIREN

i really don’t know how to explain this ship if i’m being honest ??

THEY TEAM UP AGAINST HAECHAN ᕦ⊙෴⊙ᕤ

haechan lives matter !!

back when mark and lian graduated, renjun would try and talk to her every single day for as long as possible because he missed her so much :(

they’re the best of friends and care a lot about each other!

during dreamie promotions and activities renjun always clings to her (⋟﹏⋞)

fans notice how he calls her name so lovingly and bust an uwu all the time

“lianna noona~~~~ (´∀｀)♡”

liren shippers found dead </3

renjun is in the midst of coming up with her chinese name >:))))))))))

literally can’t decide, though, because the other chinese members insist on helping

lian is a chinese name anyway so he’s probably just gonna let it slide </3

lian died internally when renjun said fuck

she almost screamed

their relationship with each other is rather confusing if i do say so myself

they tease each other A LOT!

but they’re also so sweet and just show affection for each other ??

I CANT EXPLAIN IT IM SORRY

JENO + LIAN: LINO

even though lian is the older of the two, jeno loves treating her like a little sister :(

he calls her noona and everything but he feels the need to protect her and nobody knows why

it’s adorable though :(

the older members love watching him baby her while she tries to do the same to him ZVSNXJSB

jeno tries to impress her a lot

chenle helps him a lot as well so nctzens have gotten this scenario many times:

“hyung has been working out a lot! noona look at jeno hyung’s muscles!” — chenle

“ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ” — jeno

it’s not because he has a crush on her he just likes her attention :’(

lian buys him food a lot!

he sits beside her whenever he can

she was the first to jump on him and congratulate him for his hard work on his last day of hosting inkigayo with yeeun ( ◠‿◠ )

they’re babie

the two of them actually have pretty similar eye smiles !!!!

lian’s eyes are just a little bit wider

jeno once said that he hopes to have matching hair colours with her someday :(

preferably something bright but pastel

lian agreed so hopefully we’ll be getting matching lino hair soon!

JAEMIN + LIAN: LIANMIN

they’re confirmed to be obsessed with squishing each other’s cheeks

jisung’s unofficial but official mom and dad

jaemin screams the entire time the dreamies react to her music videos

“DID YOU GUYS SEE THAT? VKJZNX SHE’S SO GOOD AT DANCING!”

jaemin literally has to fight for her love all the time-

“chenle, give her back, please” “I SAID GIVE HER BACK”

he looks at lian with heart eyes :((

they were able to get to know each other well at a really young age and because of that, jaemin looked up to her a lot

he even said that if he were to pick someone who was like a role model to him it would be his nana noona

AND ALSO YES HE GAVE LIAN THE NICKNAME NANA SO THEY COULD MATCH (;﹏;)

there ship name was even 2nana for a while but everyone kept calling them lianmin so it kind of faded over time

jaemin is arguably one of the biggest lianzens in the group

he literally blasts “my friend” (his favourite song of hers) at the highest volume possible at 4:00 am and says that it’s their lullaby for the night

“GOODNIGHT KIDS!!! YAKSOGHAEJWO MY FRIEND~~~~!!!!”

jaemin can sometimes baby her a little too much, but it doesn’t really bother her

there’s not much else to say really

the two of them are super cute, though!

lianmin stans are very well fed tbh :0 they have so many interactions with each other

CHENLE + LIAN: CHENLI

did you really think lian DIDN’T mock chenle’s laugh 24/7?

you were very much wrong

chenle could laugh for a split second and here comes lian

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”

lian is the only member who chenle is actually relatively nice to, though

1/2 of lian’s children

chenle forces her to appear on like almost every cooking episode of chenji’s this and that so she can try the food they make

he knows she could never be mean to them :(

“do think noona would like this? ehh even if she doesn’t it’s not like she’ll say anything”

chenle wants her chinese name to be super unique and is really getting on renjun’s nerves

like renjun actually thought of a name but chenle said it was too boring (^_^;)

flashbacks to chenle dressing up as pennywise and completely forgetting about lian’s phobia of clowns

died inside when he remembered again and tried to apologize to her

but she literally ran away screaming

HE DOES AEGYO TO GET HER TO BUY HIM FOOD

they go out for ramen at SUUUUPPPEEERRRR late hours of the night and have so much fun

like chenle once knocked on the door of the 127 dorm’s fifth floor and asked if lian was okay with going to the convenience store with him

“wait is it not 2:00 am?” — taeyong

JISUNG + LIAN: LISUNG

this IS the superior ship

jisung is lian’s child and there’s nothing he or you can do about it

2/2 of lian’s children

lian cries every birthday of his because she doesn’t want him to get older :(

he’s obsessed with lian’s dog on a spiritual level and considers them to be best friends

jisung accidentally said, “lian eomma” during a vlive and even though everyone made fun of him they uwu’d so hard :(

they have a lot of videos made about them called “lian and her son” that are just compilations of her taking care of jisung

lian cooks for him all the time!

jisung says that she makes the best ramyeon out of all the members

BYE JISUNG MAKES FUN OF HER HEIGHT TOO-

“noona give me a high five”

and then he holds his hand up above his head ᕕ( ཀ ʖ̯ ཀ)ᕗ

jisung only had the TINIEST crush on her predebut

he thought she was really pretty and wanted to spend more time with her but she was often stick to the members of red velvet instead of her nct members

he’s over it now, though :)

but that doesn’t stop haechan from bringing it up only to embarrass him (⌣_⌣”)

he always gets so excited when she releases new music and promotes her a lot :(

during her comebacks he always has to add in “lian noona made new music! go support her thank you” to the end of every video he’ in

[marcazoshop]

I Am A Simple Woman Dog Paw Flip-Flop Wine Trucker T-Shirt

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Today in 2000 the I Am A Simple Woman Dog Paw Flip-Flop Wine Trucker T-Shirt it s gonna be me video made its world premiere on total request live with 28 days at no 1 it was the summer s most requested video. Limited edition and fresh picked for spring meet the newest honest diaper collection available now exclusively for subscribers update your bundle or get started here. So this is going to be a bit long but bear with me I had what I believe to be a pointless and incredibly frustrating experience with the assistant manager jamie at your auburn hills great lakes crossing location today I have been coming here for three years I frequent your orlando san marcos and new jersey locations as well at least once a year when we stop we usually spend 5 to 10 thousand dollars on your products the system is simple I go in park in a corner and bring bins to my corner sort them bag them move them to the front register and repeat today I brought a personal duffel bag as it holds about 8 to 12 of your bags worth of stuff I get told that i’m not allowed to use it because it’s policy not a big deal at all I say okay i’ll do that for the rest rather than rebag all of this i’ll just go up in line and pay for it and it can sit behind the counter seems pretty reasonable to me nope I got obstructed suggested that I might be stealing something and not allowed to pass stating if I don’t want to follow the system I can leave he then takes my entire duffel dumps it onto the floor and then rebags it into victoria secret bags then moves it to the front counter so it can be rang in I thought this was a little odd but hey he was doing all the work rebagging it so whatever i’m like dude i’m going to be spending about 8k today all I want to do is come in spend some money get out without any drama what’s the problem whoevers in charge should be thrilled with a sale like this we’re spending 8k keep in mind that I told him that I would do what he wanted and it wasnt’ a big deal and the response was to the effect of stop being lippy and just listen I told him what do you want from me I just agreed with you and said I would use your bags i’m not being lippy at all I know this because I said okay dude not a problem i’ll use your bags his response was maybe if you get to buy it i’m like what are you suggesting that an 8 000 order is something you guys don’t want he’s like yeah if you buy it i’m like dude we are spending 8k today why would I bag up a bunch of stuff and spend 2 3 hours picking our your fabulous product to not buy it anyway so I had 4 credit cards one card had 2 000 one had 3500 one had 2000 and one had 1000 because I am buying for multiple people I had 4 different cards all in my name I wanted one receipt for each card not a big deal to me right wrong again he cited some policy and said if the order is more than 750 items that they aren’t allowed to ring in under 750 items on any one receipt id like to point out that that amount is higher than your employees said they could take as a cash payment I asked him to please show me that I would understand better if I could just read it he was willing to do so he brought out the policy book and to my surprise what it actually said was words to the afffect of cash payments cannot be split up or over 750 items I forget the second half my immediate reply was so what’s the big deal im using credit not cash he snatched the policy book away from me at that point and said you know what you can just listen to me or I don’t have to let you buy anything it’s up to my discretion I then called your orlando outlet and your new jersey outlet and talked to the store managers and cited your policy I was given I asked them to confirm if that was accurate and both said if it was a policy it was news to them I then asked if they would let me buy my order using 4 cards and 4 receipts the woman at orlando said oh my gosh yes we do that every single day I asked if I went to her store if I would have any trouble with this in the future and was told no then she said you can always come down here if you’re in the area and i’ll be happy to take your order after that phone call I tried again here’s the video of that attempt I said listen I have 4 credit cards your register girl said you told her she can’t ring up an order under 750 items that’s 3500 if it’s 5 items not all of my cards have that much I have done multiple receipts every time I came here heck I can even supply them to show it he tells me that because I am order so many items that I can’t have less tan 750 items per receipt so I point around to everyone else and ask what about everyone else you aren’t forcing them to spend a minimum of 750 items what about the final charge i’ll have 750 items for two tickets but the leftover isn’t going to be 750 items you’re not going to let me buy them he shrugged his shoulders to say no at this point I haven’t yelled ive been a bit snarky and sarcastic because I know he’s just giving me a hard time two people ring in our order almost every time I am up there and we were there 3 times in the last 6 months spent a bunch each time so at 730 8pm or so we are done shopping assuming that two people could ring us up ended up being a fantasy he forced one employee only to ring us up later on he comes up when its now close to 9pm and says hey you mind if we ring you up on both registers I chuckle and say no I don’t but you do you don’t want to be breaking that 750 rule do you he glared at me and then sent the employee away and walked off after blinking a few times I laugh because after telling me over and over he couldn’t do it he just got caught trying to do what should have been done to begin with a short while later after 9 I find out that everyone is standing uip front except for the one girl and another associate because none of the rest of them are allowed to help her ring us up the only two people left in the store with about 700 more items to be rang in if that’s not enough since it was a holidy all of these employees are apparently being paid overtime to stand around and wait at a bit after 10 all but two girls leave and one girl is waiting to count cash while the other girl sits and keeps ringing stuff in we apologize profusely we expected two employees to ring us up like always and timed our visit to be out around 9 if this had happened instead of having one literally stand there and watch her for 1 hour and 47 minutes after close we would have all been out on time and no overtime or extra hours spent so finally at 10 47 pm our orders are done we thank the lovely girl lauren and jasmine who got stuck staying 2 hours past close because a manager made up some random policy and had to double down when I pointed out he really needed to follow that 750 rule when he was going to toss another girl on the register if this is policy fine it doesn’t seem to be no manager at your other outlets knew what he was talking about the orlando one insisted that the only restrictions are on cash payments and verified I was paying cash or credit it’s a pretty humiliating experience to get hassled trying to buy panties and bras by someone who’s on some type of power trip the only thing I said sideways to him was that I flat out didn’t believe his policy and that credit absolutely is not the same as cash I didnt call him any names scream at him or did anything to disrupt the store beyond what you see in the videos if this is not policy i’d like an apology from that manager in person or over the phone admitting he was mistaken I would hope that the next time I go there I am not hassled but if not I guess there’s always orlando or new jersey who seem to be quite friendly I also want to give recognition to jasmine and lauren lauren is the poor soul who got stuck ringing everything in alone because of the manager’s silly rule and not allowing anyone to help because it would be in violation of the 750 item rule jasmine was the cash counter who had to wait until we were out of the store to count cash even more interesting is that I had a former employee with me helping me buy and she said she never heard of this policy either but it doesn’t mean it wasn’t added since she left she was just as confused because the manager spent over 30 minutes trying to explain and defend this when that time certainly would have been more efficiently spent doing productive things instead of hassling someone who literally sits in a corner and speaks to no one while sorting through your products one bin at a time id love a call back about this or to find out what exactly is going on ive never been hassled like this before and it was a little frustrating and very trying to keep my cool joe rossetti alexandria gunn See Other related products: I Am A Simple Woman Dog Paw Flip-Flop Wine Trucker T-Shirt

[apatheticaria]

my spoilery thoughts on the last of us part ii

i apologize in advance for this super long post that you have to scroll past because i don’t know how to do the “keep reading” option thing

the only reason i’m writing this out is because i’m literally going insane from not being able to talk about my feelings for this game to anyone since no one i know actually cares lmao so this is mainly just for myself and anyone who wants to read this

the intro:

as i played through this game, i also watched a few playthroughs up until the point where i stopped to take a break. this was a game i couldn’t binge just because it’s so heavy and intense and sometimes you just gotta step away and take a breather

one of the playthroughs i followed along with was jacksepticeye’s and at the end he gave his review of the game like he normally does. i didn’t completely agree with everything he said, but for the most part i thought what he said lined up pretty well with my own opinion.

in particular, one thing that stood out to me was when he said that the introduction to this game shouldn’t have been Joel talking to Tommy about what he did at the end of the first game, but rather the whole flashback of Ellie’s birthday at the museum. then at “one” during the countdown to liftoff, the screen should’ve went black and fast forwarded to four-years-older Ellie opening her eyes in her home in Jackson (idk if i’m explaining this well, but Jack’s editor, Robin, edits this together and really sold it to me. if you wanna see it, go to the last part of Jack’s playthrough and look for it towards the last 30 minutes). i think this would have given us the time i think we all needed with Joel before he died and all the following flashbacks would be more focused on how/why Joel and Ellie’s relationship turned so distant - or hostile on Ellie’s part - and could’ve helped the pacing a bit.

Joel’s death:

potentially an unpopular opinion? but i actually like how Joel died. or uh lemme rephrase, i like the way they wrote his death. in this world of violence, hate, and brutality (actually doesn’t sound too off from our world but ahem moving on), i think the way he died was realistic, especially since he doomed all of humanity by saving Ellie in Part I. it just makes a lot of sense that someone would go after him and hunt him down

from the moment Abby and Owen stood over Jackson from the cliff, i was thinking: well theyre gonna kill Joel and since we’re gonna probably be playing as this girl for some (emphasis on some) of the game, they’re gonna go hard on the grey area of perspective in terms of revenge. which i was super on board with, but we’ll get back to that

when this game was first advertised, i didn’t know how i felt about a revenge story. it’s been told so many times and i’m never as hell-bent on revenge as much as the character is because it never feels warranted enough. that is, until i saw Joel die. watching Ellie pinned to the floor with a perfect view of his body, his face, beat to shit as she screams and begs for Abby to stop? haha that’s fucked Naughty Dog, thanks. but i do appreciate that they were able to make me just as mad as Ellie because of just how brutal his death was and how much i care, cared, about that character. no story has ever made me so incredibly enraged to the point i was with the main character full-stop to just destroy the perpetrator and take revenge. that’s why i think the way Joel dies is perfectly done. the fact that that cutscene is so horrible to watch for so many reasons just proves that it does it’s job.

Ellie’s half:

i actually don’t have too much to say about Ellie’s half of the story. this was what i both expected and wanted from the game, the whole game. while i can’t say i was having “fun”, because this isn’t really a fun game to play, you know what i mean when i say that this part was fun to play and follow.

side note: Naughty Dog’s improvement of your NPC buddy is so good, Dina and Jesse were both actually helpful, still not perfect, but also they’re not supposed to do all the work for you. i think the added layer that they could also get caught/seen and alert the enemy was completely unexpected and such a good addition to the gameplay (ofc this goes for Lev as well).

throughout the whole story, there’s kinda a problem with the pacing, and i know i’m not the first person to say that. however, i think the only big pacing issue i had with Ellie’s perspective was that kinda weird attempt of an open world map that they did with the gates. it felt a little unnecessary since i, and most other people, are playing for the story, not an open world with various side quest-like things. i missed the guitar cutscene with Ellie playing the guitar and singing to Dina (which kinda sucks, but i obviously just watched it after) because i just wanted to get back to the story rather than explore a large area. it was an attempt at something different so i won’t fault the game for that too much, but also stay in your lane lol so that section was a bit of a miss for me personally. i really liked the rest of it though, it had me engaged the whole time

Abby’s half:

ok. i have a lot to say about this half of the game since this is where most the problems occur.

first, let me preface this by saying that i don’t hate Abby. as i said, from the very beginning i knew she was going to have a, not justifiable, but an understandable reason for murdering Joel and that the game was going to be about seeing two sides to the same story. except, at the same time, i came here for Ellie, so why am i playing as this heterosexual? im mostly kidding. but fr i didn’t need the entire half of the game trying to get me to sympathize with Abby. i really didn’t need the message to be so spelt out for me, i got it from the moment i realized she was going to kill a favorite character.

i think my main gripe with the way they told this story is the way they formatted it. this story has all the elements to be amazing, but the execution just lacked the...finesse? idk if that’s the right word.

rather than splitting up the game into two halves, they could/should have integrated Abby’s story into Ellie’s so that when we cut from Abby holding the gun at Ellie in the theater to suddenly Abby as a young girl, it won’t feel so jarring when we have to start all over again with the upgrades and the timeline.

i really liked how we switched between them in the very beginning so why couldn’t that have just continued? in a book with multiple povs, the author often switches back and forth between every or every few chapters. you never see a book that starts with one perspective, then at the climax you have to start all over again from the other. at least, i’ve never seen this in any books i’ve read and i’ve read a lot ngl

maybe they forced us to stick with Abby for so long because if we’re forced to play as her, then we’re forced to get invested into her story. while this makes sense, it also really degraded at my enthusiasm for the game. it took me so long to just give up on the idea that we would be going back to Ellie relatively soon and when i did actually realize that was what was happening i was really disappointed.

instead of separating their stories, i would’ve liked to have Abby maybe one step behind Ellie the whole time so that while we play we’re just anticipating when Abby will finally catch up and it builds to this whole thing. instead, when we actually got to the point where everything was supposed to go down, we’re hit with whiplash and back to the very beginning with tutorials?? like did they just expect us to forget how to play since we switched characters?

i’m thinking, after Ellie and Dina jump over the barbed wire that explodes and Ellie’s knocked out, we could have switched over to Abby waking up in the WLF stadium. after Abby sneaks out of the stadium and you have that interaction with Jordan where he mentions Leah at the tv station, then we go back to Ellie waking up and tied to the table and we see Ellie kill Jordan.

after this i think Abby should have met Lev and Yara way sooner because i barely even remember what happened before Abby was caught by the seraphites it was so boring. so she gets caught by the seraphites AFTER we meet them through Ellie being shot through the shoulder (i still want to get all the first impressions of new stuff with Ellie because then it still makes her feel like the main character) and we meet the siblings and blahblahblah.

as a follow up, after Ellie kills Nora, which by the way, Ellie’s facial expressions are just so good with the red light while she’s just beating Nora to death? wow that entire interaction was so well done. anyway, after Ellie kills Nora, and Ellie gets back to the theater and the scene ends with her and Dina hugging, then we would switch to that whole section with Abby and Lev traveling to the hospital to get the meds and it would be cool if on her way in, Nora helps Abby and then on her way out, we run into a door we have trouble opening so we push and when it opens, Nora’s beaten up body is right there.

you get the gist. Abby’s story was barely intertwined with Ellie’s until the very end where she finds Owen and Mel dead. she doesn’t know that literally everyone else, except Leah, is dead too. i feel like that would’ve made the impact of Abby and Ellie’s fight at the theater more effective. affective? whatever i’m not an english nerd

i also think we should have gotten the flashback with Abby’s dad a little later when we’re expected to understand her character a bit more.

overall, i’m not mad about getting Abby’s side of the story, but i am mad that the way it was told felt so disconnected from Ellie. we could still get that whole arc of Abby going to the island to get Lev, she can still get her own story apart from Ellie, but she needed to have more of a interaction with Ellie’s actions.

Abby vs. Ellie, Abby’s pov:

i absolutely hate this fight. i really hate the way it was written and the way it happened. i get that the game is trying to give us Abby’s perspective and to show that in her point of view, Ellie is the villain in this story.

except, AGAIN, i don’t need this spoon fed to me!!! i KNOW that the world isn’t black and white and that people’s perspectives are different, but also? i don’t really care. both characters have gone through shit and both have done shitty things. neither of them are innocent, no one in this world is innocent (hence why i really dislike Mel, but that’s not really relevant), so it really comes down to which character you value more. in my - and most other people’s - case, it’s Ellie. i know the whole point of this fight is to make the player uncomfortable, but i wasn’t just uncomfortable, it made me legitimately start to dislike this game (spoiler for the end of this stupid-long review: i don’t completely dislike it)

the game really emphasizes that this is Abby’s story as much as it is Ellie’s and i get that, but this fight did not need to happen the way it did and the game didn’t need to be even longer after this. a lot of people say that we played from Abby’s perspective because Ellie would have killed Abby and that would be that (and she did, by the way, i relished watching Ellie get her revenge because while i don’t hate Abby, it was still so satisfying even if that wasn’t how the game wanted me to play). however however however, Abby wouldn’t have showed mercy either. she was absolutely going to kill Ellie if Dina hadn’t intervened then she was going to kill Dina if Lev hadn’t intervened.

here’s how i wouldve wanted it to go: we go back to Ellie’s perspective once Abby has the gun pointed at Ellie in the lobby and during their fight, Ellie would get the upper hand because she has weapons and shit (let’s be honest, Ellie would not win in hand-to-hand combat with fully-healthy Abby, we saw that first hand). Lev would try to jump in, but then Dina would disarm him and prevent him from escaping her grasp. then eventually Ellie would have the barrel of the shotgun pointed at Abby’s face and she would hear Lev tell her to please stop don’t kill her and Ellie would listen because the same exact thing happened to her (we could get a short flashback or something for more emotions, idk). so instead of killing Abby, Ellie would knock her out and her and Dina would leave and Lev would run to Abby’s unconscious body. this would end that cycle of revenge and because Abby has something more important to her than revenge (Lev), they would move on.

the ending:

if the game went how i just imagined, we probably wouldn’t get an ending that’s as depressing and open ended as it is, but i’m sure Neil and his team could figure something out, such as Ellie still has to deal with PTSD and Tommy’s really pissed at them and Ellie still looses her two fingers. so we get that little domestic sequence and the PTSD flashback and Tommy coming with his eye missing and showing the map. he leaves and when Ellie is about to leave in the middle of the night, Dina convinces her this time to stay and the next day Ellie tries to play the guitar one last time before giving up since she doesn’t have her fingers (i still want that last heartbreaking flashback, that one fucked me up i love it) and she goes out to leave it somewhere in the woods with it all ending with her walking away from the guitar that Joel gave her to symbolize her letting him go. idk man something like that, still not that open ended, but i’m just talking out of my ass rn

anyway that’s not how it went so we’ll stick to reality.

an open ending isn’t supposed to be unsatisfying, because that’s what this ending was. Part I does an open ending perfectly as we still get closure even though we don’t know exactly how things go afterwards (until now obviously).

after playing from Abby’s perspective for so goddamn long, it was weird to play as Ellie again, even while it was also a relief, and that makes me really sad. in the end, i did feel bad for Abby when she was literally left to starve and “hang” (but again i didn’t need 15+ hours in order to feel basic sympathy).

from the way they wrote the story, i knew Ellie wasn’t going to let it go and she was going to leave Dina and JJ. it made sense and i don’t think it was out of character for her, but the fact they did that in the first place and that Abby was the one to let go first? Abby got her revenge, she killed Joel, but Ellie never got that closure so of course she was going to go after Abby.

in the very end, Ellie is left with no one and Abby still has Lev and a group of fireflies to run to. Ellie’s biggest fear was being alone as she said in the first game, but that’s exactly what she’s left with. yeah life is unfair and i do like that the consequences feel real in this story, but i don’t think Ellie deserved to be done so damn dirty while Abby is living her best life. sure all of Abby’s friends were murdered because of Ellie and Dina leaving is Ellie’s own fault and i don’t blame Dina, but i mean we have no idea what happens to Ellie after this, where she goes. it at least feels like she’s on the road to eventually being relatively okay, as okay as you can be in this world.

i can’t completely articulate how i feel about this ending, even after three days having finished playing. all i do know is that while it’s realistic how Ellie’s story ended, i would’ve liked for Abby to get the same treatment. for her to not actually find the fireflies through the radio and escape from the Rattlers only to have no where to go so that, just like Ellie, revenge cost her everything and we don’t know where she went after.

maybe because Abby’s story was pretty much wrapped up and Ellie’s wasn’t, they’re planning for a trilogy, but i guess we’ll see.

the tldr;

this game has all the elements it needed to be amazing overall imo, i just wish they were all utilized Better. the reason it’s so hard to figure out how i feel about this game is because it has so much potential that just never came through and i’m really jealous of all the people who were blown away by this story. it’s still a good game though, but a 7/10 seems too high and 6/10 seems to low. ig it’s a 6.5/10 for me.

thanks for reading if you made it this far

[rawrmeansmemes]

THE KEY OF AWESOME LYRICS

Send the word ‘AWESOME’ and I will generate a random lyric from a Key of Awesome parody video using this generator. 1-145

That guy sure was grumpy, but no one can touch me as long as I'm swaggy

Your daddy told me that he'd murder me but I'm sure he was bluffing

I'm hot shit, I'm way cool!

I'm the toughest dude, in my home-school.

Your daddy is whiney. His wiener is tiny. Is he right behind me? That was a joke

Its the future and everything is weird. 

Check out this guy, hes got a metal beard.

I give good headache, I'll make you scream. 

Is this reality or just a fever dream?

I like to jerk  and twitch this is how I dance. 

Sometimes we like to sing like we are underwataah. 

And the Joker pulls crimes in such an orderly manner. He must write it down in an evil day planner 

His henchmen are psycho and expendable yet somehow completely dependable 

And I wont try to touch your boobies on the first date.

Ill take you out to Chuck E Cheese and  then a Pixar movie

I drink Jager bombs and get destroyed and grind on guys who are unemployed. 

I put gel in my hair til it's bullet proof 

Wake up in the morning looking greener than Shrek 

When I hang around my house I do it theatrically 

Dont you know I hate it when you sneak up on me like that .I was just about to crack you in the head with this bat

So now Im gonna read a book and give you a dirty look 

I like to dress up like a fabulous clown 

Youre hot, but youre dumber than a shoe

First of all this song is not as good as Bad Romance and it's not even close to Poker face or Just Dance 

Im made of cupcakes, ice cream, and flowers 

Young girls are helpless to my dark powers 

I got em drooling like golden retrievers 

Hes worse than Backstreet Brothers on the Block. 

This little motherfuckers gonna ruin my rep 

A cloud pooped out a rainbow turd

I had a dream the other night that Elmo and I got in a fight

If you ain't rich, they're goin' nowhere near your wiener

Don't need brains if that ass is fine 

I want to go ahead and apologize in advance for what is probably going to be an underwhelming experience for you. 

F.Y.I. lately I haven't been able to have an orgasm without crying.   

He's self conscious bout my man boobs and my hairy chest 

He took off his shirt but he's still got a furry vest 

And now you're freakin' cus your thinkin' what the hell have I gotten my self into 

As you look in his eyes you will soon realize that you won't be coming too 

I'm not afraid to piss and moan about my feelings and how I've grown 

This towns a zit lets squeeze the puss don't look at us like we're disgust...ing 

Can't read my tik tok bla bla face 

I'm partying with nuns 

I'm peein' in your yard 

We just met, but I know you're my soul mate 

I've got your name tattooed on my chest, neck, and face 

Lets get hitched right away or at least pick a date. I've got next week open. When do you have open? 

I tripped and fell on my ass and all the children laughed 

Let me introduce you to the skanks and douche bags in the soul destroying line at the club

Guess what, we just banged in the elevator 

These pants are too small. They're skin tight. They're squeezing my balls.

I've got them moves like grandpa

I've got them boobs like grandma 

But like a bellboy I take care of your bags 

I may be a duck, but I ain't no quack 

You leave with a looking like the Bride of Frankenstein 

I get more ass than a toilet seat 

Cops let me sing in the fuckin' street

My life is an endless buffet of hoes 

I been pimpin ever since my voice got low 

I could be partying with hookers and blow 

Hello Hello How do you make the phone call someone back? 

And if they catch him he will surely be dismembered 

Tonight for dinner we're splitting a candy bar 

We are the seventh sign of the apocalypse 

Me and my four friends all want you so desperately 

I like the fact that we wear the same size Capri's 

I made you poptarts with extra gravy 

The doors are locked now. You can't escape me. 

You're my one and only that's what my dog told me

Now lets sacrifice some chickens

Feel free to spank me 

They tell me it's just a nerd show, but Dragons are real to me 

Winter Is coming I'm not sure what that means but you can bet it's probably bad news 

We’re impossibly cute

Damn this song is mad catchy

So I bought this  hipster voodoo doll with a beard 

I'm stabbing him right in his Gyllenballs 

This'll be the last time that I call tonight 

Like, we sort of did. My stuffed animals totally remember it. 

Gonna get my eye brows threaded then then I'll get a funky skunky stripe put on my head 

Oh Peeka-peeka-boo where did I come from? 

You're not as cute as these other two. 

I'm stroking on this wooden thing and trying to make a sound but I have no ability

It's really hard to concentrate while I'm counting sheeps 

I like to place a popsicle between my 2 butt cheeks 

Someone sound the trumpets now lets do some hey's and ho's

They way we play is pure and honest bordering on weird and Amish 

It's my career I can do a shark jump

Hands in my pants cus I'm itchy there

Ain't never gonna marry Thor's brother now

Now I'm dating a french guy made outta french fries 

I look just like tweety If he was slutty 

It's my booty I can drag it on the rug 

Just replaced breakfast with crack. 

I spent the past several months hiding in my Gagarage 

Now lets try on some bras with claws and balls 

I was once full of shit now, I think shit is full of me. 

I'm not allowed to move my lips Cus my singing face is really homely 

Can't decide which boy I like--Gale is buff, and Peeta's nice 

Don't which cute dude is cuter

I'm Catching Fire down below 

Ew, I hate when people set me up with guys 

But first I'll brush my teeth and gargle with this booze. 

Do you mean going down on me, senor clean? 

I just fell down, crashed through a winder! 

This song is about objectifying women and selling products like Pitbull's Fried Chicken 

Just stay put my butt will find your butt. 

I'd kill and I'd steal and I'd cheat on my taxes and french kiss a frog for that boy

Baby you could be my locksmith cus having safe sex is what I'm all about 

Here's my horny sadface 

Just go home you sound like Gollum 

My voice is a cross between a baby and Biggie and Bane 

I would say that's accurate so you cant call me Titbull 

If you break my heart, you'll end up in a shitty song 

Gonna find him and squish his testicles 

Cuz my bang bang boom clap Anaconda's gotta stay high 

I'm like a little fancy baby or an alcoholic furby 

But my wee wee got scared when you took off your clothes

I owe you a sexy explanation 

I only sing about cocaine and sex

But I thought this haunted shit hole flat was a good place to meet to reopen every wound

Man, technology sucks!

I’ll just go yell outside!

You still can’t take a joke

Did I say Skanky? I meant to say swanky and super cute.

Now, I’m gonna miss the butt slapping party

It’s time to fuck off!

Roll the nostalgic clips from last week

No more sexy loitering 

It’s part porn--part true detective intro

Just went blonde. They have more fun--I’ve been told.

Pillowfuck is what I do when she’s gone

It’s what happens to schmucks who fuck with me

I just flew in from hell because we’re besties

I like to go to the beach in full make up

Help me I’ve fallen and don’t want to get up

I am a floppy sex fish try to catch me, flop flop

I’m the winner of the touch myself contest

This doesn’t feel sexy if I’m being honest

Whacked him like Pacino then screamed ‘Hoo Ah”

I am Chewbacca

I’m playing Mothafuckin Star Wars

You tried to kill me. But, I didn’t die.

I just drank sixteen cups of coffee--need that toddler energy