#and im autistic and couldnt tell if they were genuinely mad LOL

[moonkitty]

so im following a bad song poll bracket and im just curious. whats with tumblrs absolute hatered for the song "7-years" by lukas grahm?dont get me wrong i dont think its a good song and im certianly not defending it. i think its a bad song overall

but i have never met a single tumblr user who doesnt hate that song with a burning passion. and in the bad song poll im following, ppl in tags seem genuinely angry with the song? and ive also seen multiple thousand note posts hating on the song. godspeed but also, i guess i just dont get it? in my eyes ive heard a million radio songs that sound 100% more annoying then that song (cough closer by the chainsmokers cough) and if its playing in public or radio or smthin i can ignore it or tune it out easily. like, its not taylor swift or chainsmokers level terrible where i will litterally run to turn the music off if i am made aware that the song is playing

idk am i just missing something? i havent listened to the lyrics because im not gonna isten to the song willingly lol. is it that?

again this isnt me being a weird defender because again. i dont like the song. but im genuinely curious because i cannot find a single soul on here that doesnt hate that song with a passion. i guess i just dont get it because in my eyes theres way worse top 40 music. asking purely outta curiosity

[sleep-deprived-lesbian]

HADESTOWN THOUGHTS BC IM STILL VIBRATING

-one of the guys who works at the theater told me this building was chosen specifically bc the mural on the ceiling is of roman gods and. hrgh i just think thats neat

-t oliver reid manages to be just as gay as andre de shields which is the highest compliment i could give anyone ever and hes somehow even more chaotic?? at one point during livin it up on top he just bursted into hysterical laughter and it was great

-jewelle blackman...... ilysm..... shes not as chaotic as amber but in the second act. holy shit. she seemed so elegant and put together in act one and then in our lady of the underground she is a WRECK and its so impactful

-tom hewitt is just. everything i expected tbh. just as good as patrick page but hes a little more dramatic. in videos id seen his voice wasnt as deep as patricks but on stage i really couldnt tell the difference, still very intimidating

-sayo oni is my new favorite orpheus. he just is orpheus to me now. id never heard of him before but hes SO GOOD. he legitimately has the voice of a fucking angel and he takes reeves adorkability level to a 100. he kept randomly hugging eurydice and the way he did it was just really cute?? idk how to describe it but it looked autistic somehow. orpheus is autistic but this orpheus is especially autistic

-jessie shelton!!! her eurydice took the emo level up which i love. evas eurydice is pessimistic and skeptical but still pretty gentle. jessies eurydice is just like. "life sucks asshole deal with it!" shes a lot more rough and it kinda reminded me of the concept album eurydice. she legitimately seemed mad that she fell in love with orpheus lol

-the fates are even more mischievous than i expected!!! i dont remember when but at some point one of them cackled really loudly it was great. every once in a while they would fuck someone over and just go >:3c

-during the first few songs when persephone and hades were on the balcony they were like? playing chess or something? there wasnt anything on the table but the way they were miming made it seem like they were playing some kinda board game. idk i just thought that was funny

-in wedding song when eurydice is like jeering for him to sing and she goes "you wanna take me home?" she seductively pulls down her jacket for a second lmao

-goddd the lighting is so good. i love how in way down hadestown it was flashing red and orange which made it feel ominous yet jaunty at the same time? like both hellfire and a sunset. i wasnt really sure how it was supposed to make me feel and i think that was the point!

-persephone seemed genuinely excited to go back and see hades again! she only got upset when she thought of how shed have to leave everybody else behind

-THE CELLO SYNCING TO HADES STEPS

-i know everyone gushes about the stage shift but. god. the stage shift.

-hermes was the only one onstage who didnt sing during why we build the wall and it was really striking bc he was standing opposite persephone but he just looked really sad the whole time

-persephones dancing in our lady of the underground..... maam do you like women.....

-flowers. oh my god flowers was just amazing it was so emotional

-HADES LAUGH IN PAPERS. IT WAS SO GOOD. evil laughs are so hard to execute well but he was great. he made it sound intimidating and unhinged while also sounding genuinely amused

-if its true just. agfhfhgggb. sayo is fucking amazing. idek what to say about it hes just amazing

-i knew the lights flicker after "i conduct the electric city" but i was still not prepared

-PERSEPHONE CRIED WHEN HADES SANG THE LA LA LA TO HER. she looked so so happy argtrhtrghgf

-for some reason hermes made "and you know what they did?" sound suggestive which. was certainly a choice

-orpheus turning was just. so subtle and soft. like he didnt realize what he did for a second. oh my god

-normally the shifts up and down were pretty slow but they just fucking pulled her down there huh

-im pretty sure hermes was crying during road to hell reprise. same bro

-i didnt actually cry which i was kinda disappointed by but i did come close! i dont usually cry at fiction i just scream

-special shoutout to the guy behind me as we were walking out of the theater who yelled "hades can GET IT"

[garlique]

all the things i would tell my mom if i went back to my ten year old self with what i know now

under a cut because it got really really long i guess i have a lot to say to her lol

1. hi mom i know i look like yr ten year old but im actually yr 19 year old. im gonna tell u some things i need from u and i need u to write these down and remember them

2. im fucking transgender, i found this out for myself at like 14 or 15. im going to change my name twice; both of my h names are deadnames. my gender is also a lot more complex than i’ll realize it is but with you and dad, i will settle on the name miles and he/him pronouns. please please actually take me to get new clothes when i come out i might tell you i don’t need it but i really really want it. also you and dad for years have nasty habit of calling me the wrong name and pronouns when you get mad at me. i don’t know if it’s because you genuinely want to hurt me by doing it or if it’s just that you still think of me as a girl named ****** and can’t hide it when you’re emotional but jesus christ does it fuck me up. dont do that shit. also pls dont leave me to transition on my own. im a child with a lot of issues and because you help me so little with my transition i’ve been yet unable to get top surgery. im incapable because

3. i am really fucked in the head and idk how much of it is nature vs nurture. i have adhd, am autistic, have *, believe i’ve been depressed my entire life, and have been having panic attacks since i was around 6. i also have cptsd; i dont know if telling you this will make that better, because im already really traumatized. but my first memory in my entire life was sitting on the closed toilet late at night while you brushed your teeth, sobbing because i was having a panic attack and you brushed me off and sent me back to bed where i continued to have a panic attack until i wore myself out enough that i couldnt physically keep my eyes open. which brings me to my next point

4. i need MORE from you. as a 19 year old before this i have SO many issues with trusting people and getting help. i have a form of ptsd which i believe is partly due to what i consider your emotional neglect. i dont know what you can do to make it better because if i did i probably would have asked for it in this timeline. but it really is not my responsibility to make sure YOU can parent me effectively. how are you so unaware of my emotional needs?

5. YOU need to receive mental help. by the time i’m like 15 or 16 you seem from my perspective to hate your life and you LOVE to unload it onto me. i remember telling you SO MANY TIMES that you should see a therapist (i started therapy freshman year) and every single time i suggested it you will say “no i dont need therapy” . which is because you used ME as your therapist. please dont fucking do that to me. you can tell me about your life and your day to day but holy shit the amount of breakdowns i had because of what you told me? please for the love of god you have so much fucking trauma please please please get help this is how generational cycles begin and is the main reason i decided at like 17 to never have kids.

6. in either 5th or 6th grade im going to get lyme disease and im not going to tell you because you told me when i was very young that you hated taking me to the doctors and so im not going to tell you for months that i can’t use one of my arms or that i can’t put weight on one of my legs. if i remember right it first showed up in my right shoulder abt 3 months after YOU injure your shoulder and so when i first tell you my shoulder hurts you tell me that it doesn’t and that i’m just mimicking you. please just take me to the doctor in like february instead of june. im basically fucking crippled as a 19 year old and i think it is in large part because of the lyme disease

7. please for the love of god please please fucking take me to the dentist regularly

8. in 9th grade early/mid december im going to confess to a friend that i am feeling suicidal and she and basically everyone else in my life who finds out is going to handle it terribly. im going to attempt suicide again in the spring of my sophomore year and it’s going to be awful for everybody again. after that attempt you don’t let me shower by myself for three months. i know it’s because you’re scared to lose me but i’m going to tell you a little secret: im terrified of dying. i dont Actually want to die. i just have so little control of my brain that dying or sleeping for a long long time is the only way i can see to get my shit under control. in 8th grade i make friends who are terrible for me and spend my nights talking them out of suicide. here is where i learn how to keep people alive lol. i dont know what you can do to help me that won’t make me hate or resent you but i’m telling you now so that maybe if you have the time you can prepare.

9. abt my mental health: pls take me to get autism/adhd tests n diagnoses. my * diagnosis will b impossible to get before i turn 18 and i am going to try to keep it from u . i promise u tho raising an autistic kid is not as hard as it seems and by now im so fucking traumatized that i’ve already learned to internalize everything

10. when im in high school i forget what year you severely injure yourself and spend a really long time in the hospital and rehab. this is what i feel most guilty about in my entire life: that the time you were gone was literally the easiest few months of my life. right abt two weeks before you do that is when i decide that you weren’t a good parent to me and that i am no longer safe around u; maybe if we can deal with some shit now we can have a better experience. btw i feel like it would b cruel if i didnt tell you so here r the brief details of yr injury **

11. by the time im in college i have constant panic attacks and dissociate heavily for the weeks before i have to leave college to come home. you need to take me seriously, i don’t know what else i can say to make this believable. i’m already real fucked up; you need to change the future for me or it WILL affect me for the rest of my life. i latch on to every woman who’s older than me who’s nicer to me; i think that’s the definition of mommy issues

12. i came back to tell you this because i really do believe you can change. if i thought there was no hope i wouldn’t have bothered telling you this. i think you can change because you DO love me (speaking of which telling me i love you but i don’t like you is? kinda fucked up? maybe don’t say that to a child ever again although i think by now you’ve stopped saying it because that will set me up with some fucked up ideas of love until i really begin to be loved by other people) and i think you want the best for me and i think you would want to change so that i could have a better life. i love you and i believe in you