#and im a bit tired of people absolving for whiteness

[potent-cactus-juice]

Personal message: my heart goes out to all the Asian-Americans that are grieving right now because of Robert Aaron Long. Even though I’m on the other side of the world, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[nothorses]

hi oh my god i just need to vent

i keep seeing all these shitty kill all men posts and recently on insta this one about how "telling people attracted to men that there are no good men out there only normalizes poor treatment from them" and "the idea that all men are naturally garbage is unhelpful because it absolves them of their responsibility to be better" like OKAY so that makes sense

but why. WHY do people need a reason like that to just not be assholes? it upsets me so much like oh god i literally haven't done anything except exist as a guy and i can't even speak about how much that upsets me because

a) for the people im out to, i sound like an MRA - am inherently terrible person

b) for the people im not out to, i sound like a pick-me fake feminist

how do i defend myself and other men without crossing those lines??? how do i get people to take me seriously? im so tired i HATE it

Oh god, yeah, I’m always frustrated by those kinds of comments.

The point of criticizing “kill all men” is that “men bad” feminism is inherently missing the point of what feminism needs to do, and what patriarchy actually is.

Feminism isn’t about changing the dynamic from “women lose so men can win” (already an oversimplified and reductionist view of what patriarchy is) to “men lose so women can win” (still harmful and oppressive, just in a new direction). Dismantling the patriarchy does not mean replacing it with a matriarchy. It means putting everyone on equal footing, fighting harmful impacts of patriarchy on all genders, dismantling systems that oppress all of us, and removing privileges that come at the expense of others.

The problem with “kill all men” is that it’s shallow, and broken, and missing the point.

And yes, it’s also a problem that “men bad” feminism excuses shitty behavior from men as “just how men are”; that’s because “men bad” feminism is rooted in classically misogynistic ideas already. And it perpetuates and worsens classically racist ideas, especially around masculinity as “dangerous” when speaking about people of color- while femininity is “pure” when speaking about white women.

Not to mention the stuff I talk about more often on this blog; the impact on trans men and transmasculine people as a whole, the fact that this will always hurt marginalized men long before it even reached privileged men, the fact that it’s rooted in transphobia, but especially transmisogyny and transandrophobia, the way it perpetuates exorsexism...

You clearly know all that, but I just want to hand you some ideas in case it helps a little bit. I think the key in “not sounding like a [whatever shitty thing]” is just trusting that you aren’t that shitty thing. Know why you’re bringing it up, have that reason clear in mind, and be ready to explain and defend it.

I find it helps a lot to just include every group it impacts (or as many as you can), and a reason or two as to how. If a particular person isn’t invested in one group, having it alongside a group they are invested in might encourage them to start thinking about it.

[gryphsdeadbones]

hey from one nd person to another the comic where fm gordon says a slur seems kind of in poor taste. ik ur not intentionally making light of it and tht occurring in fm should be criticized but while you dont make it out to be a good thing making jokes about it and calling him a "slurboy" is kind of questionable? it makes it seem more like a plotpoint and angst rather than the creator of fm genuinely fucking up in the past (and having moved on from it)! i think exploring fm coming to terms with being nd is a good idea but this isnt the best way to do it. if you want me to explain my point more lmk if/when u post this and i will! someone already made a post abt it but it was kinda strongly worded and i wanted to approach you more calmly because i genuinely dont want to call you out or start drama or anything ;-;

first off thank you for being civil and patient with me i appreciate this ask a lot- also this got long- im not in a flying rage or anything when i bold or emphasis text, i just needed it also for my own readability and since im not the best at wording- hopefully this hellsite works and my response is under the cut

i would like to know how is it in poor taste when freemind explicitly gets clocked at the very end for saying it. the entire point of the comic was to show that saying the r slur has existed in his source and is bad

im not sure how much more direct i can get, with the disclaimer/warning list growing longer and longer and out there for a huge sign that says “this au can get dark as fuck and these subject matters are treated seriously/not something to mess around with.” Like yes, there are some jokes in the asks and other comics, but that specific comic is not supposed to be “haha thats funny”. it has a serious tone using a rough sketch style bc i was super tired and wanted to vent

was it just the direct reference to it that just made people uncomfortable? because thats 100% understandable, and i made sure i tagged it appropriately (although admittedly, a little bit late since i thought the filter would catch at least the main thing)

i think what some people somehow got from it is “exploring sensitive content = endorsing said content” which! that is not the intent! i absolutely do not want people saying that word! I don’t want people thinking that is any way okay for this character to say

its more of a damned if i do address it, damned if i dont.

if it never comes up, people are gonna assume that ‘oh this character says slurs and is shit, surely the creator or fan-creator MUST be okay with it and woobifies freemind and absolves him of any mistakes’ or something like that. no. this asshole has an arc and i want to do it right. its serious and i think it shouldn’t be shoved under the rug

and people just. dont want to read for context for whatever reason. theyll start watching it and get taken aback by the slur and start blaming me ‘hey you never warned for this’ when very early on i keep mentioning over and over ‘you dont have to watch it if you dont want to! This has slurs and 2000s internet brand humor/style’ You really dont, I’m not forcing you to watch it- Literally all you need to know is either canon half life or hl/vrai. thats it. fm mostly follows hl1 with very slight changes.

so i had to make something that:

1. warns people who arent aware and dont want to go through my asks or about/warning pages (for whatever reason) and just want to see the art

2. also NOT downplay freemind’s canon assholery. listen, i kinda despise writing mean and cruel characters, theyre hard to do, and a lot of people get shit for doing it wrong or people going “character = author”

i’ve also considered leaving the bubbles blank, but then people could fill it with whatever they want, then blame me for being vague. or they’d fill it in with a different kind of slur that freemind has never used, even if he MIGHT be the type to do that. I needed to explicitly mention that it is ableist slur. There are shitty racist and other problematic jokes, but never those kinds of extreme racial slurs to my knowledge.

Although I do see your point that maybe joking about it outside of the serious stuff might not be the best route. The slurboy jokes are getting stale, and I will try a better way to remind people.

The thing that gets to me is that it feels people are more than ready to defend either Ross Scott or Gordon Freeman the fictonal character himself. I don’t??? really care for Ross Scott, so I don’t know if he’s ever brought it up specifically. I’m not really calling him out or cancelling him. Idc for some white man’s feelings, im only bringing the timeframe of That era and reworking it to fit in This current era.

And I hate to break it to people: Gordon Freeman is a blank slate character, you can project whatever the hell you want on him as long as it’s not freakshit illegal garbage. The machinimas (fm, hl/vrai) do have SOME characterization that I want to nail down. It fucking sucks when characters are ooc, and I’m trying not to do that, even if it means sacrificing some comfort. But still mostly staying in my comfort zone if that makes sense

Now about the callout that I do not want to engage with the op directly:

Honestly im very surprised the comic was called out when i just. thought my stuff is relatively tame on exploring the bad shit canon freemind does. ive seen him in fancontent where they really dont hold back and its still played off as ‘kinda funny’ tone.

I really don’t know if people just want any reason to hate me for whatever reason. That’s fine I guess, I can’t please everyone and they dont have to like me.

But like. isn’t it so much easier for the op of that to block me and the post and move on. Why kick up such a fuss. I can see that thinly veiled death threat of a vague. That’s pretty fucked up- Like holy fucking god, you do not have to like my stuff. I’m not holding you at knifepoint to like my stuff. I’ve specifically made two different tags (one general au, one specific au) if anyone wants to blacklist it for their own reasons I do not need to know. I don’t want to know.

You’re allowed to be uncomfortable. You’re allowed to unfollow/blacklist/block.

However you just don’t go ranting about it for something you horribly misinterpreted. If it bothers you so badly, literally just. drop me a message to clarify. thats it. or save yourself the time and block me.

I’ve blocked the op for both our sakes, but if anyone wants to send this post to them, then thats fine. I don’t want anything to do with them.

I don’t want to link the post and blow it up. I just want shit clarified, dropped and we can move the fuck on with our lives. 

If you’re reading this and don’t know what the post is, please don’t bother. I do not want people going after the op with threats, please keep it civil, I’d prefer if you don’t engage with the post at all on my behalf.

Despite this huge wall of text, I do not want this to be a big deal, so please don’t ask me about the details.

_

As for anon, feel free to dm me either on here or. Maybe on discord if you’d still like to suggest or have something more cleared up. I’m still willing to hear any kind of feedback, and i want to thank you again for being reasonable about this

[good-things-do-happen-dean]

hey like, it's ok if you don't wanna answer but idk who else to ask. dunno if im being a d*ck but im really getting tired of the response to people w/ privilege doing bad stuff being "men suck" and "ugh white people amirite" bc 1) that absolves ppl of trying to be better bc you're saying they just, suck by nature and 2) ik no one has an obligation to be "palatable" but it's probably more effective to say "y'all have an obligation to read up instead of (say/do)ing stupid sh*t" n not "y'all suck"

i’m guessing this is about alex? like you said, we’re acknowledging issues with people who are privileged. and in this case, that privilege is both white and cismale. now i’m not an abuse survivor, nor have i done any advocacy work with survivors, so i definitely don’t have the most nuanced take on this situation. however, i think both whiteness and maleness DO play a part in this. maybe not directly like, “oh i’m a white guy so i’m going to [x],” but with how american society (and beyond, but american specifically for what we’re talking about right now) is structured to refuse to hold white men accountable for their actions.

this does sound a bit tone police-y and “not all [x]”-y to me, although that might be because tone is hard to gauge online. still, i would caution against trying to talk about the “effectiveness” of the language people use. people posting about this are upset and tags on tumblr don’t really allow for nuance. also, re: the last bit of your ask, yes, white people and men do have an obligation to learn and be better. however, again, i’m not sure that an spn blog on tumblr is necessarily the place to talk about how alex should improve or what he should do. maybe i’m misinterpreting what you’re saying though.

also, i’m pretty sure i saw a resources post going around earlier but i can’t find it now. if anyone knows what i’m talking about, could you send that to me? and i’ll edit this to add it for those who are looking to educate themselves.