#and if you ask. “Well why dont people rebel against it?” because nobody wants to die.

[pupuseriazag]

I dont ever want to hear anyone say "bukele saved El Salvador" when he is ACTIVELY enforcing policies to kill us slowly.

I dont EVER want to see random ass gringos justify our loss of rights "because he got rid of the gangs".

Wanna know the true situation of El Salvador? Of the so called "coolest country in the world and safest in latinoamerica"?

Where women are barely protected and men search for ways to take advantage legally of other women/their wives? Where abortion is illegal and criminalized EVEN WHEN ITS A MISCARRIAGE? Where women who cannot afford to give birth in a private hospital get mistreated and some even forced to give birth in the reception?

Where queer people got promised rights and later recieved threats by the government? Where the government censors anyone who is not actively spewing propaganda and silences those who dare to try to change things?

Where a girl had to leave the country because she dared to yell at cops taking away the ice cream cart of a person and they threatened against her life? Where several more actively leave the country because now its the military threatening them?

Where government officials are allowed to have a salary bigger than the us president yet doctors, teachers and EVERYONE has been denied to get a raise because "we dont have money"?

Where even though "the gangs are all in jail" the heads of those gangs appear walking freely in the US after the government boasts about having them captured months before?

Where the government actively LIES about EVERYTHING from murder rates, feminicide rates, salary rates, education rates, to give the outsiders "a good face" on the country?

Where ambulant sellers have their stuff stolen by the police and the center of San Salvador is getting more and more gentrified?

Where you cannot afford to move ANYWHERE and apartaments are only built in the rich zones to be used as AirBnbs for gringos and hermanos lejanos?

Where the president forced himself into the polls and re-elected himself as the president for another 5 years?

Where the governement is paying google 5 million dollars to put their logo on a random building to boast about having technological advances in the country while letting the ONLY public and free university in the country rot and using its campus as a hotel and base for international sport games?

Thats the "coolest" country in the world?

Oh but because the government doesnt outright act like a cartoon villain, people ignore the situation in El Salvador.

Oh but because people who were born here and havent lived here in years say "the country is fine" people believe them.

Oh but because if you are an outsider and you visit the country and nothing bad happens to you "its fine"

Oh but because if you visit the center of San Salvador, La Zona Rosa, El Tunco, La San Benito, Santa Tecla and Antiguo Cuzcatlán everyone "seems fine and happy" theres nothing wrong.

And what about us who LIVE here? What about us?

What about the women who wake up at the crack of dawn to go out to work for the minimum salary or less?

What about the hundreds of underpaid doctors without proper equipment and medicine?

What about the innocent people in jail who's only crime was being poor? Those whose only crime was implanted by police to boast about having more gang members trapped? The women whose only crime was not accepting the advances of a cop? The kids who's only way of "getting out" of the violence cycle is by getting jailed as if they were adults?

What about the thousands of students and teachers outside the capital having class in unsafe buildings because the government never cared to fix or rebuild them a new school?

What about the people having to build their own roads and bridges because the government doesnt care about their safety? About their comfort? About their LIVES?

What about the people who can barely afford to live paycheck to paycheck let alone the ones who cannot even afford to eat daily?

What about us salvadoreans just trying to survive and have a decent life?

Fuck bukele, fuck nuevas ideas, fuck everyone in the government and outside of it celebrating his dictatorship, fuck everyone without a single ounce of empathy towards us.

[violetnotez]

Is the this the longest fic Ive ever written? Yes. Does it suck? Also yes. Will nobody read it because it makes no sense but Im still going to post because I wasted way too much damn on this thing? TRIPLE YES.

Word count: 10.4k words (she thicc)

Genre: Angst and Fluff, sfw

AU: Fantasy AU!, Hanahaki disease

Prompt: “How could your keep this from?”

Warnings: blood

Summary: You are born into a worls where you must marry your best friend, Prince Shoto, in order to unite your kingdoms in harmony. You are happy to marry your childhood friend and love, until he leaves for a quest unannounced, and you are left questioning if you really want to marry him. Once he returns a few weeks before your planned wedding, you begin to not fall in love with him, but one of his comrades- the barbarian, Bakugo. 

*this is for the even for @bnhabookclub​! Heres the link to the post if your interested!

Again. welcome to the shitshow that is my blog. read at your own risk cause this gets REAL WIERD REAL QUICK

Petals-all you could see were the petals.

Your mouth and  throat felt so dry, your forehead damp with sweat as your back convulsed painfully, raspy coughs wracking out of your chest as you forced the petals out of your body.

They were so pale, like creamy vanilla, a stark contrast from the droplets of your blood splattered on the delicate buds.

You quickly reached for your handkerchief, wiping the residue off your dry mouth in fear of it dribbling on to your white dress-your wedding dress. Your hands were shaking, unable to cry any more tears at your misery-you had come to terms many weeks ago that you were going to reach an unhappy end.

Why did it have to be him?

----------------

You were the princess of your kingdom, destined to marry Prince Shoto of the neighboring kingdom. It was something you two had been accustomed to from birth- in order to connect  the two kingdoms and end the quarrels between the two civilizations, you had to marry. It would be a harmonious marriage: Prince Shoto was kind, soft spoken, and a natural born leader. You two had been wonderful friends as siblings, your fathers putting away their troubles in order for you two to get along. They were hoping that by making you friends at a young age, you would learn to grow feelings for each other.

 For a time, it worked-you had fallen for Prince Shoto, his soft yet powerful demeanor making you  blush each time you remembered him, your young hands writing your name with his last in your journal like a prayer. At 13 you already began to count down the days until you would turn 18, because on that day, you were set to marry your predestined lover- Shoto Todoroki.

For years you had felt so lucky you were blessed with such a sweet boy to be with, being able to live out your lives harmoniously and in peace, something both your parents didn't have the luxury to have. It sometimes left you feeling frustrated- Shoto was truly kind, but very quiet about his thoughts. Your love felt one sided, Shoto seemingly only tolerating you because he had to. 

Once he got older, he became more distant towards you, clearly wishing to rebel against his father’s wishes by being distant towards you. It hurt you immensely to see your best friend and crush plainly reject you, but you still held on to the hope that you two could be happy with each other. Yet all that changed when the Prince had left for a quest.

He had been gone for what seemed like an eternity and for a time, you were extremely worried. You could barely focus on your studies, only imagining your poor friend somewhere cold, hungry, and alone. You knew he would be fine, he was a resilient fighter, but yet you couldn't help but allow the worrisome thoughts to collect in your brain. After news that the Prince was in a neighboring kingdom, safely traveling with a young boy, a witch, and a warrior, you felt at ease- with all those comrades, he was sure to be safe. You finally breathed a sigh of relief, able to calm your anxieties after a long time of being unable to.

 Information continued to trickle in, sometimes good and sometimes bad, but it always stated that the Prince was spotted safe and sound. You took solace in that information, and for awhile, you began to worry less and less about Shoto, until he was barely a memory.

During that time, you had begun to take on the habit of reading. Before it was a task you simply did when forced or extremely bored, only reading books and stories from your own kingdom. 

With so much extra time on your hands waiting upon the Prince to return, you began to learn of other stories, ones that were trully a delight to you: stories of nomads who traveled the country and did rituals to bring them fortunes, women who sold potions by gathering mystical ingredients from the woods, people choosing their own destines and their own paths. It intrigued you- from birth you had one mission for your life: to unite your kingdoms. Once you married Prince Shoto, your destiny would be complete: and then what would you do? You had no other purpose, except being a symbol of that peace for the rest of your life, sitting pretty on a throne until your last breath. 

It began to eat at your insides, gnaw at your conscience that you were merely a pawn in your father’s legacy. You could now fully understand why Shoto had been so defiant: he had realized the truth of his life as well.

Slowly, you began to learn to dread instead of anticipate your wedding day. With the Prince being gone, it was sending quite a ruckus in your home, your father more annoyed with each passing day that the Prince had not come back. You, on the other hand, rejoiced. The kings had both agreed at your times of birth that if anything happened to either child before your 18th birthday, the agreement would be cancelled and the marriage no more. They would rely on their children to fix their broken ties. 

You had just turned 17, the mental clock beginning to tick  in you and your father’s minds, as the Prince still wasn't back form his quest. Just a few more months, and you would both have your wishes: Shoto seemed to have no interest in marrying you, and why should you even for that matter? You two truly didnt love each other- your friendship was a hoax your fathers had created in order to save their own legacies. Your love for each other was man-made and a lie. Just a few more months, and you'd be free of this terrible fate.

------------

The day you turned 17 and a half, you were busying yourself on your plush pink bed, reading another novel about free spirited women in a far off land.

“Princess y/n,” your hand maiden opened the door quietly, afraid of disturbing you, “the King would like to speak with you.”

You gave your shy handmaiden a small smile, delicately marking the spot in your book as your feet landed on the cold floor. 

“Thank you,” you replied, “Ill be there shortly.”

You entered your father’s study, his feet stomping the room heavily as he paced in deep thought.

The room was grand, a golden chair sitting in front of an old ebony desk, the room surrounded by maps, battle plans, and bookcases full of legends of stories written long before your time. Light flitted through long windows against the wall, looking out to the rural countryside and a matching red carpet run the lengths of the stone floors.

Your entrance seemed to have disturbed your Father’s train of thought, his head instantly looking to see who had interrupted him. Once he saw it was you, he sighed, greeting you with a tight smile.

“You wished to see me Father?’ you asked politely, your fingers tugging nervously at the sleeves of your dress. Your father never called upon you unless it was extremely important- had you done something wrong? You wracked your mind for any actions that would had been unwise for your father to find out, but to your surprise, you couldnt think of a single thing you had done.

“Yes, yes,” your father said hastily, waving his hands toward a small wooden chair at the foot of his desk, “please-sit. We have much to discuss.”

You sat on the hard chair, a chill traveling your back as you watched your father sit in his plush throne, his face clearly tired.

“As we all know, Prince Shoto has been on a quite a long quest for some time,” your father began, his voice deep with annoyance, “and has not come back. And with your 18th birthday fast approaching, and it worries me that the boy wont be back in time for your marriage. I have talked to King Todoroki about my worries,  who also had the same fear, and he promised to bring the boy back and end his little shenanigan. But Shoto refuses to leave until his quest is complete.” 

Your father took in a deep breath through his nose, his face a mix of anger and agitation.

Your heart beat excitedly- the prince wasnt coming back? The news bounced happily inside you, giving you some hope that you needed- that must have been why he had gone on that quest in the first place! Even though you were excited, you felt a tightness in your chest- you were childhood firend after all. He really didnt like you that much that he felt he had to run away?

“Oh dont look so solemn daughter,” your father comforted, his voice soft with sympathy,” Shotos father allowed the boy to finish his quest in 5 months’ time, and he is forced to return to his kingdom. In the meantime, we can not forget the whole reason for your marriage like young Todoroki has- you must connect the kingdoms in order to bring harmony.``

“Which is why,” your father added, “we must begin to plan the wedding.”

Your head shot up, the feeling of shock flooding your body. It was still going to happen? Your body began to feel heavy, your father's words fuzzy against your ear- you didn't want this, any of this. You felt trapped like a songbird in a cage, unable to scream out what you desperately wanted to say: if he didnt love you, you didnt want any part of this.

Your father seemed to not notice the look of terror on your face, continuing to inform you of his plan. “We already have sent out invitation to relatives and noblemen in other countries, as well as begin to plan out the festivities. It will be a 3 day event, full of food and parties and, of course, the celebration of our kingdoms coming together. The closer to the date, we will begin to need you for fittings of your dresses as well as rehearse your wedding vows and such. I promise I will make this as wonderful as I can, for you are my only daughter.” 

The king smiled at you, wrapping your stiff body into a hug. You could barely feel his embrace- the world was numb to your screaming mind. You wished upon everything in you to end this, to make this all go away, but you knew you couldn't- you would be forced to do this whether you wanted to or not. 

You simply nodded your head to your father’s parting words, and then ran to your quarters, shutting the door and ceremoniously throwing yourself on your bed in defeat.

--------------

For days you felt numb and broken, all fight leaving your body. You watched as all your handmaidens and servants ran like chickens around the castle, preparing for the enormous festivities coming in close time. You were a good and proper princes, silently placid and allowing everything around you to happen.

 Flower arrangements, samples of sweets, and  fabrics for your dresses all came to you, and you agreed to all of them or just randomly choose. You could care less for your “special day”- the only thing you could truly hope for was prince Shoto ignoring his father’s wishes and not coming back.

That, of course, was a wishful fantasy. You were having a blissful dream when your hand maiden barged into your room, clearly too excited to be considerate of your sleeping state.

“Miss y/n! Miss y/n! Oh please wake up! There is most wonderful news!” she cried excitedly, gently pulling the covers off your body, “You must get ready at once!”

“Prince Shoto- he is back from his quest!”

---------

The whole of the kingdom rejoiced at the news, since he had arrived a month before the wedding. He was here, ready to marry and unite the kingdom. That was all that truly mattered.

Your handmaiden dressed you in your most elegant gown, the icy aqua color bringing out the rosiness of your cheeks, as she placed pearly ornaments in your hair. You felt like you were being presented as a gift to the Prince, a reminder of what he was destined to do. You sighed, dreading having to reunite with your once friend and secret love.

Shoto was standing in the ballroom of your castle, very accustomed to it since you both played here occasionally as children. He was used to the golden floors and the crystal chandeliers the sizes of boulders, all hung gracefully in a row on the ebony ceiling. Him and his company were standing shoulder to shoulder, facing the polished staircase cascading towards them.

He looked at his new found friend’s faces, their expressions clearly in shock. Izuku, his face ruddy with dirt and his cheeks aflame from nervousness as he twisted his shirt between his fingers (a nervous tick Shoto had noticed).  Uraraka gawked at the room around her in awe, her wide eyes drinking up the scene in front of her. Bakugo was least impressed, his arms crossed in front of his exposed chest and his eyes formed in judgmental slits.

 Shoto had told the others before why he had to go back, but only after the quest was over- he wanted to help his new found friends, and after promising to help them in their battle, he would have felt extremely guilty leaving them behind. 

Their reactions were mixed when he revealed he had a marriage in a few weeks time- Izuku was clearly shocked yet in awe hed be marrying a princess, while Uraraka seemed to find the situation romantic. Bakugo simply laughed, mocking him from being such a “sissy” for actually getting married in the first place.

Shoto was feeling conflicted inside at the moment- it had been so long since he had last seen you, and when he had, he was less than kind to you. He was quiet, distant, and quite petty about the whole situation of your marriage. You had turned barely 17 when he left, his young body desperate for some adventure and resilient to his father’s wishes. He merely saw you as a nuisance, someone in the way of his freedom. He knew it was unkind and unjustified, you didn't know what was going on inside him, but he was angry nevertheless and desperate to leave. So when he was approached by young boy in need of a friend for his quest, it was hard to resist the offer.

But as nights when on and he had time to be alone with his thoughts, his mind always seemed to travel to you. The way you giggled, your laughs sounding like chimes in the wind, or how your smile always seemed to make his skin tingle with warmth.

 You were always a strange girl, but always in the best way, daring Shoto to races even thought your father said it was “unlike a princess to do so” or trying to braid Shoto’s mix-matched hair.

 He would never forget the day he had allowed you to do so, your nimble fingers soft against his skin and making him burn up from nervousness. Your touch was so calming and soothing, your small compliments and soft voice sending his soul soaring with pleasure. It was then he realized he had loved you for you, not because he was forced to.

Shoto felt guilty for forgetting those cherished memories in his fits of anger, but he had agreed to help Izuku and he vowed to not give up on that promimse. Months went on, and Shoto couldnt tell how much time had passed: he only hoped you were doing okay without him. 

It wasnt until his father had came to collect him that he realized how short he was on time. He had still stuck by his friends, yet the constant reminders of your wedding was in the air, haunting him. They would travel through kingdoms, the whispers of this event following him as the townspeople began to talk. It was a wonder his friends never caught on except him, only to find out weeks before your wedding.

Now Shoto was standing in the ballroom, feeling quite nervous- he hadnt seen you in so long….would you look any different? He was certain your beauty had grown by then, the thought of you looking older and more womanly bringing a blush to his cheeks. How would you see him? He had become quite a different person on his quest, his body becoming more hardened from battles with bandits and the harsh life of travelling. Would you feel the same for him still? Were you just as excited as you were so many years ago to finally be together?

Shoto heard the clicks of shoes on the wooden floor, a man with the straightest back he had ever seen standing proudly at the steps of the stairs.The man took a deep breath, his voice traveling through the room as he announced your arrival to the group of travelers. 

Yet Shoto didnt hear a single word he said- he was enraptured by your beauty. You had seemed to turn into a fine young woman since he had last seen you, your curves accentuated by the tightness of your gown, the blue complimenting you perfectly. Your hair flowed in soft ringlets on your back, the pearls in your hair like stars. You were an angel blessed to this planet- an angel he was destined to marry.

The only thing that was worrying him was your expression- he had expected you to seem so much more lively, welcoming the bright smile you would always give him when you saw him. But now, your face was gone of any warmth, looking almost numb to the situation as you looked down at the group.

You traveled down the stairs, hating the way your name sounded in the announcer's voice. This was all so cliche- the Prince comes from a quest, and there is the Princess, simply a prize for his hardwork. A trophy of sorts for doing a good deed. Why did it have to be this why? Why couldnt you feel anything? The world had felt so cold for so long, feeling trapped due to the lack of control you had. Everything had seemed to loose its splendor and color, your vision for weeks turning gray in sadness-

Until you saw him.

The ash blonde boy, his hair unruly and his eyes a bright red like blood. He was clad in strange clothes, like a barbarian, his chest completely open and showcasing his taut muscles. You were intrigued by him- you had only seen likes of him in books and stories you read. He was so different, so menacing, and you wanted to know more. He was the only thing you could focus on, not taking any time to look at the others in the group, including Shoto.

Shoto was the first to reach you, unafraid to approach you like the rest of the group as you reached the bottom of the steps.

“Y/n-” he said, his voice deep and airy, “you look-wonderful.”

You gave him a small smile, but it made his heart sink- you didnt look happy at all. It seemed forced, far from the bright grins you used to send his way all the time.

“As do you, Shoto. You look quite different from when we last saw each other.”

You quickly turned your attention away from him, focusing on his new comrades instead.

 “I assume these are the young heroes that accompanied you on your journey?”

“Y-yes!” the young boy with the unruly green hair stuttered, nervously bowing his head. He was quite adorable in a way, his small stature and freckles dusted on his cheeks giving him a child-like quality (even though he was most likely your age). “My name is Izuku Midoriya!”

You gave a reassuring smile to the young boy, trying to make him feel comfortable.

 “It is wonderful to meet you Izuku.”

You began to walk towards the girl know, her pointy yet colorful hat signaling that she was a light witch, a sorceress who used your powers for good.

The girl shimmied in her dusty boots, clearly as nervous as the boy. She lifted the corners of her cloth dress, bowing slightly. 

“My name is Ochaco Uraraka, your highness,” she smiled sweetly, her cheeks dusted in a pinky glow.

“Ochaco…” you mused over the name, its sound foregin yet light on your tongue, “you are a light witch, I assume?”

“Yes, yes I am!” the girl practically squealed, relief seemingly flooding her face. ‘How did you know?”

You giggled a her amazement at you, completely unaware apparently that she had the most witch-like outfit you had ever seen.

“A lucky guess,” you shrugged your shoulders playfully as you began to walk again, your heart beginning to race as you edged toward the barbarian.

You stopped in front of the man, his stature a head taller than yours. You eyes looked slightly up at him, your cheeks reddening- he was much more handsome up close, his rugged features making you feel breathless. He un-apologetically judged you with his vermilion eyes, looking you up and down with scorn.

Why did you find that so attractive?

“And you are-” 

“My name is Bakugo.” he instantly interrupted you, his voice deep and velevty like syrup, “thats all you need to know.”

“Bakugo?” Your brain searched for any name similar to that, but found none- this boy was definitely a foreigner, most likely from far off lands you could only dream of. You had no idea why he followed Shoto back to the kingdom, but you were happy he did- he was definitely a sight for sore eyes.

“A warrior, I assume by your garments,” you nodded, your eyes trailing to his torso “and by the looks of your scars, an experienced one.”

He scoffed at your observations, his eyes rolling in his sockets.

“For a princess, your eyes wander a damn lot. But yeah- Im hella of a good warrior. Best in the kingdoms.”

You cocked an eyebrow at his language, your cheeks red  by his comment. He was so unapologetic and rude, yet- it was intoxicating to you. 

“I’m glad to here that.”

Shoto was eyeing you sadly the whole time- what was so different between you two? Why did you seem so welcoming to the others but so distant to him? His face began to turn red with fury as he watched you interact with Bakugo, the way Bakugo insulted you so plainly and cockily making him want to yell. He watched as your face had light up for just a moment when you spoke with him, something Shoto didn't get the luxury to experience. 

He also noticed what Bakugo had vocalized- you eyes did wander when you looked at him. Shoto at first tried to rationalize that you were simply being curious, since Bakugo was definitely a strange sight for you, but the way your cheeks blushed and you smiled so warmly at him made him think otherwise.

 What did you see in that barbarian that you didnt with Shoto? 

You looked again at the odd group, taking a deep breath through your lungs.

“I want to congratulate you all for your successful quest,” you began, the lines slightly rehearsed, “and as thanks from my father for bringing back Prince Shoto, he would like to welcome you all for dinner tonight. We  would love to hear all about your journey then,” you then snuck one last look at Bakugo, his eyes boaring into yours. It was making you feel a warmth inside that you had thought long ceased.

You instantly looked down at your hands, your cheeks feeling hot. You knew this was wrong- you shouldn't feel smitten for any other boy, especially this warrior, yet you couldnt help it- you were entranced by his resilience and the freedom he had, something you could only dream of. 

“If youll excuse me, I have - things to attend to. It was a pleasure to see you all” you gave the group a tight smile, turning your back quickly from the group to follow your handmaiden back to your quarters.

Shoto watched you until you were gone, his heart beating painfully. He wished he could run up to you, grab you by your wrist and ask you what was the matter. It was still him, your friend for all those years, and you were still you, his love and his best friend. Were you beginning to forget, like he did? He felt his stomach drop painfully at the idea- he would ask you, tonight. He would figure out what had happened between you two, and fix it.

--------------

You were now at dinner, sitting stiffly as you moved your food around your plate, your tight corset making you feel un-hungry. All night you had been detached and quiet, feeling almost sick by your surroundings. Your father was overly outgoing to the guest,giving you side-eyed glances and trying to enter you in the conversation. You would simply smile and nod, occasionally throwing in a comment before returning to squishing your food between your utensils.

The only time you ever seemed interested was when Bakugo would speak. His comments were all snarky and rude, completely self centered about how strong or intelligent he was.

 He was constantly proving his worth throughout the dinner, taking over the story of their journey when he saw fit, making sure everyone knew he was the most capable one of the group. It was obscene, his remarks, his language, even his personality, but- you were intrigued by it. The only person he had to listen to was himself. It was so intoxicating to watch him talk, to hear what other remarks would leave his mouth. Whenever he spoke, you stood up a little straighter, taking time to take in any information he gave about himself and immortalize it  into your brain.

Shoto had felt awkward the whole meal, not knowing how to gauge your emotions. You seemed so distant, as if a stranger was sitting next to him. He wished he could enter your mind, detangle all the emotions and thoughts that were keeping you from being yourself around him. There was no laughter, no genuine smiles, no happiness came from you. This bothered him- you were usually so cheerful. His nervousness was eating the inside of his stomach, as his mind still couldn't figure out how to approach you after dinner.

“-and the wedding will be a three day celebration, full of festivities,” your father continued boisterously, his voice booming embarrassingly around the room, “Shoto and y/n will be the main attention, of course, over 200 noblemen will see them share vows-”

The sound of your chair pushing away echoed throughout the dining hall, making the whole group look to you. You cleared your throat delicately, a hand resting on your chest.

“Excuse me for my rudeness, but Im feeling- unwell,” you sighed a quick smile.

“Are you alright, do I need to-” the king asked, his eyes full of concern as you shook of his worries.

“Oh no, Im completely fine- just a headache,” you gave a pained smile, “I hope you all enjoy the rest of the meal.”

Shoto watched you walk away, desperate to make sure he knew which way you went in this large castle. He instantly pushed away from the table as well, rising quietly. 

“I- uh-am full, thank you for the meal,” he bowed to the King slightly, placing his napkin on his plate as he rushed out, confusing the group that was left.

Izuku and Ochaco looked at each other, their cheeks red with embarrassment and shock as they looked at Bakugo, who was clearly not bothered by the disturbance. Ochaco then looked at the king, who was clearly confused by the whole ordeal, as an awkward air lay heavy on the table.

Ochaco hastily took a large bite from her plate, filling her mouth with food- “MMMMMM!” she exaggerated, trying to start up conversation again, “I LOVE the ham!” 

------------

Shoto ran around the castle, looking through every corridor and door, searching for you.His head was racing, trying to organize his thoughts in his minds. He needed to figure out how to speak to you- should he act normal, like nothing was wrong? Should he be formal and see how that went? Angry? Upset? He didnt know how to approach you, but he knew he had to do it.

 He finally saw your gown turn an empty hallway, his feet picking up pace. He quickly was able to catch up once he could pin point your location, his hand wrapping around your wrist in order to stop you. 

 You felt slender,cool fingers wrap around your skin, making your body run cold. You instantly jumped by the sudden touch, all breath leaving your body as you turned around quickly.

Your wide eyes met the mix matched orbs of Shoto, a small pang of annoyance filling your body from getting so scared.

“Shoto,” you replied breathlessly, slightly happy though it was only him and not somebody else that had grabbed you.

“I-uh-y/n,” he replied back, his mind going blank.

He let go of your wrists, his hands resting at the side of his body. “I-Im sorry to scare you like that,” he apologized, “I just- wanted to speak to you. If you’ll let me.”

You looked at the boy, his eyes now averting yours, probably from nerves. You decided to listen, turning your body to him. 

“Apology accepted,” you said plainly, “What did you want to speak about?”

Shoto drew a blank- what did he want to talk about? He loved hearing your voice, finally only reserved for him, but yet you seemed preoccupied. Distant. Like you were on another world and not truly there with him.

He stared at you lightly, looking extremely conflicted. “I-I wanted to talk to you about what happened while I was gone.”

“You explained quite plainly what happened on your journey,” you replied, clearly not in the mood to talk, “I applaud you for your bravery, it must have been quite a difficult journey-” you gave him a small bow, your eyes gone of any warmth. “I really must go to bed, Im sorry, but i do feel-”

You began to walk away again, Shoto desperate to keep you near him. He walked in font you, blocking your path.

“You didnt here me correctly-” he changed his wording this time, trying to be as specific as possible. “I want to know what happened to you while I was gone.”

You eyebrows turned down in confusion. “What are you trying to say Shoto?”

He swallowed, trying to clear his dry throat as he licked his lips, conflicted. 

“You seem-different.”

“Its been a year and a half since I last saw you, Shoto,” you reasoned, “of course Ill be different.”

“Yes, but-” he paused, “youre too different. Youre not the same y/n I knew.”

“Why? Because Im not following you around like a love sick puppy?” Annoyance began to bubble inside, feeling attacked by Shoto’s words. “Because I finally got over the fact you didnt love me ? You dont have to pretend Shoto, I know full well you only see me as a nuisance.”

Shock flooded Shoto’s system as your icy words pierced his skin. What happened to you? Yes, he was rude to you before he left, but he didnt feel like that anymore. That was a simple phase, were you going to define him by that?

“I dont see you as a nuisance, y/n.”

“Really?” you scoffed at his words. “then tell me why your father had to go out to find you twice before you finally decided to come back?”

“I made a promise to my friends. I had to finish my quest before-”

“You had a promise to me, Shoto!” you yelled exasperatedly, your heart bursting with hurt. “To your family! To my family! Our people! What was so much more important than that?”

“I was so worried about you Shoto, terrified for you. Those first few months I couldnt think of anything but you.” You were beginning to reveal a lot, too much, but the emotions, the hurt, the anger, was flooding out of you like a broken dam and you couldn't stop it. 

“But then I realized that you didnt care for me. You thought I didn't notice how you gave me the cold shoulder those last few months? How you ignored me,  only gave me quick answers, acted as if I was just a pest following you around? I remembered all of it, and then I realized- you left because of me.”

“You left because of me, didn't you, Shoto?” your voice was harsh and crude like metal, stabbing into Shoto’s conscience.

He stayed silent- how could he say anything back? Your words were making him feel small and foolish- he should have known that you would have noticed his change in demeanor, just as he noticed yours.

You smiled painfully at his silence, feeling a fresh cut of pain slash inside you. “I knew it.”

“Y/n, I-” There was so much he wanted to say, things he wanted to take back. He didnt want this meeting to go like this- with you even more distant to him. Out of all the possible outcomes, this had to be the worst one. 

“Dont even try to backtrack Shoto, I know the truth now,you just confirmed it.”

He knew he was less than kind to you before he left, but know it wasnt like that anymore. Why were you so angry?

“Fine-yes-I left, and it wasnt right,” he admitted, his voice deep, “but Im back. Why are you putting my old self against me now?”

“Because I couldn't for the year and half you were gone! I-I loved you Shoto, and you-”

“You dont love me anymore?” Shoto looked down at you sadly, his eyes full of sorrow. It felt like his heart was breaking in two, the way those words spilled out your mouth so easily making it sting even more.

You swallowed, filling a pit grow in your chest. Everything felt so cold, so empty. This was your best friend- why couldn't you just be nice to him? You thought you had gotten over all this.

“You dont love me-so  why should I love you?” your voice was barely a whisper, cold and empty in the frigid hallway.

Shoto stared down at you, his voice caught in his throat. Did you really believe that? That he didnt love you?You had been friends since children- you really thought all those times, all those days you played together, were all fake? Who even were you?

“I just want you to know,” you spoke, your voice monotone and  icy,” Im not doing this for my father, or your father, or even you. Im doing this for my people and thats it.”

“It” meaning the wedding.

Tears began to prickle your lashline, confusion flooding your numb body as you began to walk away from Shoto- 

you hadnt cried in what seemed like forever. 

Why were you now? 

“Y/n, please, can we just talk-” he tried to reason, harsh with desperation. 

“No.” your voice was plain in its tone that you were done with the conversation.

 “Im just curious Shoto- why did you come back? Because if I had the luxury to have all that freedom, to be free for once- I wouldnt.”

Shoto’s heart felt broken  as he watched you walk away, your dress ruffling as you continued on your path. He felt defeated, confused, even angry- what had happened to you since he had been gone? Did you really hate him that much? What did you mean you had no freedom? More questions flooded his mind than what were answered, but he now knew one thing- you didnt want anything to do with him.

As Shoto’s was returning to his corrdiors sadly, you were lost in thought, just feeling- empty. You didnt feel sad, or angry, or even spitefu anymorel. Just- numb to the world. You could walk for miles and miles it seemed and you wouldnt feel a thing. 

Why was that? Why were so mean to your long lost firend? You should be hugging him from happiness and relief-not meeting him with coldness and hate. 

As you were lost in thought, you didn't even notice yourself running into a person. Your hand instantly reached out, meeting soft yet rough skin. You looked up in confusion ,and your breath hitch- it was the barbairan, his vermilion eyes like rubies as he stared down at you in scorn.

“Oi, watch were your going you damn princess,” he scolded,pushing you off him gently. You stumbled slightly, trying to get your footing right- you had run in to him, you had even touched him. If you were feeling alright, and if the circumstances were different, you could practically squeal. “Youre gonna hurt someone.”

“Did I hurt you?”  

He scoffed at your comment. “Like you could ever hurt me,” his voice was deep and velvety, his comment sending shocwaves into your system. The reply was prideful, yet it could have been- sweet. Kind, in a way in a different light- maybe he meant it like that?

“How do you know that?” you blurted out, a small smirk crawling across your lips.

You just wanted him to talk more, to hear that velvety voice directed towards you- but you were close to flirting with him. What were you doing? What was going on with you? 

One second you were chewing out your life time friend weeks before your wedding, and now you were being smitten with a random man you didn't even know.

He chuckled slightly, his canines glinting. “Your a fucking handful, arentcha?”

He eyed your wobbling feet, as you still were finding your footing slightly.

“You clearly cant walk right-you feeling fine, because Im not gonna be the one who carries you-”

“No, no , Im fine.” you reassured, your cheeks rosy. ‘Thank you for catching me.”

“Youre the one who ran into me.”

“You could have just pushed me off though, you seem like the type to do that,” you gave him a cheeky grin, it disappearing when you heard a slight growl come form him.

“The hell you mean princess?” he was trying to be menacing, but you could tell there was something behind it- he was curious. You loved how he called you “princess”, making it sound like a pet name than  a title.

“Your a lone wolf, are you not? You are strong, independent, free-” you began to list off, your eyes focusing on his, “you follow your own code and beliefs”

“Damn right I do,” he agreed, your heart soaring that he looked so proud of you for describing him so perfectly. “-which is why Im confused as hell that half-and-half prince is allowing himself to get married.”

Ouch.

The small amount of hope that Bakugo seemed to like  you had quickly got destroyed, feeling hurt flood your body. You quickly tried to shake it off, so Bakugo couldn't see it on your face.

“What he even want to talk to you about anyway?” The boy shifted in his stance, his muscles moving with his movements.

You gulped, guilt filling your body- Shoto, the one who had just fought with. You couldnt tell this boy what had happened- that was private, and really, it was embarrassing.

“Just-uh-about-” you stammered, your cheeks red as you searched for a lie.

“Ugh, let me guess, you two were trading spit werent you?” he interrupted in disgust, taking your red cheeks as a sign you two were doing something unholy in the hallway. 

You swallowed, licking your lips as you gave him a tight lipped smile. You were just going to follow along with Bakugo’s line of reasoning- you didnt have any other better ideas. 

 “Y-yep, just- please dont tell anyone?” 

He gave a bitter laugh, his voice booming against your ears. “You guys cant get dirty? I guess that makes sense, since you all our royalty, cant be having any scandals-”

“Do you promise?” you rushed him, now feeling uncomfortable- if anybody heard you and Shoto were kissing in the hallway, and you two were really arguing-

“Yeah, dont worry princess, youre secrets safe with me.” 

You sighed a breath of relief, feeling your heart jump at the smirk the boy sent your way.

“Thank you- I- uh- best be going now,” you stammered, rushing past the warrior, “have a nice night Bakugo.”

You rushed to your room, your heart feeling on fire. Your hands were shaking, your mid racing- all you could think about was that boy. Your world had seemed so dark, until he showed up. His rude responses, his chaotic personality, his snarkiness, that overly prideful speech, his freedom- it was so intoxicating to you. You felt your heart pumping against your chest- you hadn't felt this alive in so long.

You suddenly felt very sick, your head feeling drowsy- maybe you were actually catching something, and thats why you were acting so strange? You were gasping for breath it seemed, your corset making it hard to breath. I felt like something was tightening around your chest, small prods poking into you from the inside- it was a strange sensation, one you did not welcome in the slightest. You stumbled to your bed, holding on to the post as your lungs felt tight with no air, liking something was blocking your passageway. Coughs began to erupt out of you, wracking your body until you finally felt you could breathe. You sucked in a deep breath, welcoming the sweet night air, your chest still feeling tight. You looked down at the ground, trying to slow your stammering heart, until your eyes feel upon something new- a single white petal, resting softly on the ground.

------------

After that night, You became obsessed with this boy, learning bits and pieces from him though conversation you had overheard from Shoto’s friends and workers inside the castle. You learned he was from an extremely far off land, past even the Mountains, which surprised you. He lived alone, and apparently had a dragon as well. He had  gotten in many fights due to his overly prideful personality, which was why he had so many scars decorating his taut body. Your handmaidens seemed to look at him with annoyance, saying he refused to wear anything “civilized” and would plainly cuss them out if they even set foot in his room to clean.

You knew he had a softer side though- he had kept your “secret” safe, right? You heard nothing around the castle about any make-out session or argument between you and Shoto. That little act made you feel special in someway- maybe he had a soft side for you?

Whenever you would feel yourself getting sucked into the sadness of planning your wedding, you’d think of fantasies with that barbarian boy. Him taking you in the middle of night, taking you far away from this place. His hands placed around your waist, that snarky smile looking down at you again.

 Seeing him walk around the castle grew a desperation and love in your body, watching his handsome face stare around the rooms, his voice loud and prideful- you wished he could look your way, acknowledge you again. His vermillion eyes sent fire into your soul whenever you closed his eyes, his face being a beacon of warmth in your life.

Yet that beacon of life was killing you from the inside- every day and every night you fantasized about Bakugo, the sickness taking over you grew worse and worse. The closer you got to your wedding day, the worse it felt, the vines inside you prickling at your soft organs. They were growing, you felt it, as you coughed up more and more petals. 

For a few days you had no idea what was going on, fear striking you as you wondered if you should ask to see a doctor. But you decided to do your own research, scourging through books until you found your sickness: Hanahaki. The the mythical disease for unrequited love. It was quite rare, but it came to the most lonely, delusional, and desperate of lovers.

 It made sense, really- it all started when you talked to Bakugo, after falling in his arms. It hurt he didnt love you back- but why should he? One run-in shouldn't make people fall in love with each other, but somehow it made you. You welcomed the pain alittle, as it was a reminder you still had some feeling other than emptiness inside you. It also terrfiied you- you were supposed to be in love with Shoto, not some barbarian from a far off land you barely spoke to.

  How had this happened, how could you let this happen?

Even if you did tell others you had Hanahaki, they would point the finger at Shoto, calling him cold and callous for not loving you. You were the one who was the cold one, pushing your old friend away. Even if you felt some residue of anger for him, you wouldn't put him through that- he didn't deserve it. You let this disease do its course- if it went away youd be freed, knowing that Bakugo loved you back, and if not- well, you’d figure that out when you got there.

You had barely talked to Shoto or even noticed him since that night, not realizing the amount of worry he felt towards you. Everyday that went by he noticed how sick you looked, your skin paling and you eyes losing any life. Every cough you tried to hold back he noticed and it rang in his ear like a terrible siren- there was something wrong with you.It ate at his insides, his fear of you pushing him away again making him scared to ask what was wrong.

------------

It was now the night before you wedding and you were feeling less than hopeful. You were supposed to be lively and happy, as your father had thrown a party to celebrate the events of the next day, yet you had no energy left in you to dance or socialize. You stayed in a dark corner, trying your best to blend in and not be noticed.

 The coughs were not leaving, and it felt like your chest was being constricted until you could barely breathe. The annoying tickle of a cough was constantly at the back of your throat, as you tried to keep the petals at bay. You were miserable.

“Princess, are you doing alright, you seem a little- pale? Do you need some water, or maybe fresh air,” the young witch Ochaco approached you, her rosy cheeks and bright eyes looking at you.

“Hello, Ochaco,” you greeted, your smile strained, “you know-fresh air would be nice.”

The sweet girl smiled at you, gingerly taking you by the crook of your elbow and out of the ballroom. The fresh air was rather nice, soothing your hurting brain and your sore lungs. You two walked in silence for a while, enjoying each other’s company. Your mind was shifting around, thinking about Shoto and what would happen tomorrow. It hurt too much, though- you still were both not at speaking terms, and now you had to be promised to each other for eternity. The thought made your throat itch even more, and instead, you  switched to own of your many fantasies of Bakugo that brought you some comfort.

“So, how are you feeling? Nervous, excited, scared?” Ochaco asked gingerly

“About what?” you asked, looking at her with curiosity

“Uh,um-your wedding,” she giggled nervously, her cheeks growing red again. 

Oh-you cursed yourself for getting to invested in your fantasy, feeling embarrassed for thinking of Bakugo and not about Shoto.

You really didnt know how to answer her question-You felt yourself dreading it-how could you tell her that? But you didnt want to lie to her- lying to her would be practically evil, like giving a child a promise and not fulfilling it.

“Its expected of me to marry him,” you reasoned out carefully, “Ive been thinking of this day since I was a child.”

She gaped out you in awe. “Really?That early? In your kingdoms is it a tradition to marry from each other’s kingdoms?”

You gave her a wihsful smile. “Actually- no, it isnt. We’re the first ones.”

Her brown bob fluttered against her cheeks, her eyes staring up at you in confusion.

“I-if you dont mind me asking,” she asked nervously, “why is that?”

You sighed, giving her a small smile.

“Its kind of a long story….”

------------

“Long ago our two kingdoms began to quarrel against one another. But that happened years back- we still continued to fight against each other, and quite frankly, we forgot about why. We just knew we hated each other and wanted to see the other fail. My father had always said to me that my mother wished for her children to be born in a peaceful kingdom, yet my father’s pride prevented that from coming true for her.

“Until the day I was born- my mother, sadly, died while giving birth to me. My father now had no queen, and really, no future ruler, since I am a girl and only men can become ruler in my kingdom. In his grief, he began to feel sympathetic, I suppose- he knew King Todoroki had a young boy who was barely turning 4, and my father got an idea. He travelled to his kingdom, and somehow was able to talk King Todoroki into an agreement.” 

“In order to end the suffering of our two kingdoms, Shoto and I would marry once I turn 18, in which would bind our kingdoms forever in peace, with Shoto as ruling over both.”

Ochaco breathed out a large sigh, giving you a conflicted expression.

“So-thats why you two are getting married? Its arranged?”

You looked at her in confusion-“Didnt-Shoto tell you that? I thought Bakugo at least knew-” 

“Bakugo?” Ochaco blinked a few times, clearly puzzled. “Bakugo just thought it was quite, well, wierd Shoto was getting married- Bakugo is just a lone wolf who cant understand love I guess-”

You strangely felt angry at her words- how could she even say that about him? Yes, he was cold and callous at times, but how could she know he couldn't at least love? You knew he had to at least have some way of having feelings for another person, you had to at least hope for that-

“-it must be why he left last night,”

You stopped in your tracks, feeling a ton of bricks pound into your chest. 

“He-he left?

“Um yeah! Something about being ‘bored waiting around for a stupid’- oh my gosh, y/n are you alright!?” 

You were coughing up quite alot, your lungs dry and painful as your heart tore in two. He-he left. Without you. Without even a goodbye. 

After all that daydreaming, all that hope, that dedication to him, hoping he would notice you- he left. He never loved you, and you knew it- you were just so desperate for someone to take you, to teach you how to be free. 

You wanted him to teach you, to see potential in you that you could be just as defiant to the world as him. 

Uraraka wrapped her slender arms around your body, patting your back softly to help you rid your body of whatever had attacked you. It was taking everything in you to not let a single petal fall out, the itching in the back your neck unbearable as your heart beat agonizingly against horribly. 

You felt a few silky petals slip out of your mouth, soft against your dry tongue. Miraculously, Uraraka didn't suspect a thing- most likely from the darkness she couldn't see the disease overtaking you.

You gulped desperately for air, finally getting a hold on your lungs. 

“I-Im fine,” you panted out, raising from the floor on shaky knees. “Thank you”

Urarka gave you a pointed look, clearly not convinced. “Of course, but are you sure? Do you need water, or maybe I should get Shoto-”

“No!” you yelled out, covering your mouth in case of another attack.

You felt a little guilty for yelling at Uraraka so harshly, her wide eyes looking at you in shock-you just couldnt bear seeing Shoto when you were grieving over a lover that was never yours- and apparently dying from it too. 

“No, Im fine, really,” you said more calmly, trying to be reassuring, “lets, just- walk back, if thats okay-”

“Yes of course! Ill walk you to your room, just in case you get sick again-”

You two walked in silence again, you mulling over your broken heart as Uraraka watched you in worry. You two passed the ballroom, everyone seemingly enjoying themselves and not noticing you two as you lead the way to your room. 

You stepped up to the door, your hand grasping the doorknob until you paused, a question entering your mind. You were still confused why Uraraka said she didnt know your marriage was arranged-you would have expected Shoto to have told his group after saying he was getting married. 

Was he embarrassed by it, that he was marrying you?

“You said you were surprised to here our marriage was arranged,” you asked quietly, “Shoto never told you?”

Uraraka shuffled in her pink boots, her shoulder hunched close to her chin.

“He-uh-no,” she breathed out, “he said he made a promise to marry a girl he loved.”

-------------------

Morning. 

Daylight.

Wedding.

You should be feeling happy, excited, optmistic-you had been imagining this day since you were a child. But now, all you could feel was a coldness you couldnt seem to shake off- after your talk with Uraraka last night, you felt so confused.

The person you “loved” had never loved you, leaving you sick and hurt.

The person who did love you, you most likely pushed away to the point where they didnt love you anymore.

You couldnt even understand your emotions yourself. All night your sickness wouldnt leave your poor lungs alone, making you cough uncontrollably all night, the petals piling up around you.

You wouldn't allow anyone to see you in the morning, snatching your wedding dress from your hand maidens and putting in yourself. You fixed yourself up, trying to make yourself look as lively as possible, but it seemed impossible- you felt too empty inside to really put your heart into it.

Another round of coughs attacked your chest, a single petal dribbling out of your mouth, along with a speckle of blood. It dripped on the inner folds of your creamy white dress- easily disguisable if you made sure it was covered- yet it made you begin to cry.

What was going on? Why did you have to do this? Why were you still sick?  

Your knees hit the cold floor, wave after wave of tears and coughs struck your body in a terrible symphony, the petals piling up on your dress. 

You couldnt take it anymore- this sickness was going to have to take you, because you had no energy left to fight it anymore.

You felt a knocking on your door, the sounds harsh against your temple. You sniffled, one last cough feebily spilling out of your bloodied lips.

“Go away-I promise Ill be out soon-” you began sadly, until you heard the door swing open.

You looked up, your face in shock as you did not lock eyes with your handmaiden, but with Shoto’s.

He looked around the floor, noticing the bloody petals, his face completely torn-he knew what was going on.

Shoto stared down at you, his eyes boaring into yours-he knew something was wrong with you. He had came by your room in hopes of fixing your relationship before speaking your vows, working up the courage until he heard you crying. No matter what was between you two, he wouldnt let you go through pain by yourself.

Now he watching you cough up your life, those sickly petals flowing out of you, each one taking a toll on your body.

He gasped out your name, the words like honey as he sat next to you on the floor. You looked so beautiful in that white gown, like an angel from heaven. 

But the paleness of your skin, the bags like bruises under your eyes, the blood on your lips- it all reminded him that you were human, and you were hurting inside. He reached for your hand, his fingers grazing your skin-so cold- but you pulled it away quickly.

“Please, dont Shoto-” you whispered hoarsely, “Im-”

Another wave of coughs wracked at your chest, this time the rasps painful against your chest as the vines squeezed. 

Shoto didnt know what to do- how could he help you? There wasn't anything he could do to help, except watch his best friend and love slowly cough her life away. A few petals cascaded out of your mouth, adding to the piles as you heaved air back into your lungs, your knuckles white.

“How, how could you keep this from me?” he asked sadly, ignoring your pleas and pulling you into his lap.

You felt how warm he was, and realized- he did love you. He had been there for you as a child, and he was here for you now, comforting you in your worst moment.

Your heart felt like it was exploding as tears cascading down your face, salty and warm against your skin.

“How-how could I Shoto?” I shuldnt have been so mean to you,” you sobbed, “Im so sorry, so sorry, this is all my fault-”

“Please, no, dont be sorry,” he said softly, his arms cradling your body, “we both have our own faults. I shouldnt have left you for so long, and Im sorry for that, I-” he gulped, his heart beating harshly against his chest.

“I-I do love you,y/n, I do.”

You picked up your head, forcing yourself to look at him- he was so handsome, his mix matched eyes softly looking down at you- he was still the little boy you knew from a child, though, always so calm and sweet.

“I know, Shoto, I just, I-” you gulped, fighting to keep the coughs and sobs at bay.

He sighed, feeling his heart sink. 

“You loved Bakugo, didnt you? Thats why,” he motioned to the petals, “this is happening to you.”

You gave him a shocked look, your eyes wide and glassy. You forgot how observant Shoto could be- you felt your cheeks grow red, realizing now he must have known by the way you stared so much at Bakugo.

“Was-it that noticebale?”

“Y/n,” he sighed, his chest feeling heavy, “very.”

You giggled at his remark, feeling strange for laughing for once. But Shoto was so abrupt with his words, it always made you laugh at his remarks.

 Shoto’s heart soared at your laugh, the sound like chimes against his ears. It died down, the room quickly feeling closed in again.

“I just dont want to do this. I-I want to be friends again. To figure out who were are, without us being forced to be with each other.” you sighed, your heart rattling against your chest. “ I-I want to be with you and marry you- when we decide. Not my father, or your father- I want to be free to choose.”  

You turned to Shoto, your hands touching his cheek.

“I-I did love you-and I still do-Im just so confused, and trapped, and-”

“You just want to be your own person,” he finished your sentence, his voice so much stronger than yours.

He looked down at you, his face surprisingly smiling.

“I think I may have arranged that,”

You jumped up, your face in shock. “H-how? Tell me!” you squealed, not unilke a child, your eyes wide with anticipation.

Shoto grinned at your face, loving how excited you could get so quickly.

“Do you remember my oldest brother?” he asked

“Of course I remember Natsuo! He was always so kind to me as a child,” you reminenscenced, “but how is he going to help us?”

“Well, as it turns out, I spoke to our fathers and my older brother,” he said, a small grin on his face, “they agreed that my brother could rule both kingdoms in my place. By himself, and my sister will accompany him if he ever needs help.”

You sucked in a lung full of air, unable to believe what you had just heard-

 “So that means-”

“We are free to  do what we want now.” 

You yelled in happiness, happy tears cascading on your face as you wrapped his body around yours, “thank yous” spilling out of your lips.

Shoto hugged you back, smiling sadly- he had to admit, it was hard negotiating that new deal. After the night, that remark of how you didnt feel “free” stayed in his brain, haunting him until he found a solution. Knowing it would make you happy made it worth it- even if that meant you could leave him now. He loved you, but if that meant you could be happy with or without him, he would be content with the knowledge that you were finally able to be your own person.

“You can now be yourself,” he said sadly, his eyes staring down at the floor, “and even if that means you do not love me, I accept it. You dont have to feel guilty.”

You looked at the poor boy, his eyes shaded as his bi-colored locks cascaded onto his foreheads. You felt a warmth fill your chest, the sensation soothing and calming as the tightness in your lungs dissappeared. The tickling in your throat seemed to wane slightly. Your hand found his as his eyes instantly rose to meet yours.

“I wont feel guilty,” you smiled gently, “I want to be free- with you.”

Taggings: (if you want to be added, just shoot me an ask or a reply on this post and Ill add you on to my future fics!)

@freckledoriya​ @orokayagi​ @leeeah-loooser​

[letusmeetagain]

First i wanna say i really like all your analysis and theories because you put so much effort into them and im really gratful we have someone like you who like i said again have wonderful theories that make so much sense so please i have a question for you regarding a certain well...very dragged topic so if you wouldnt like to awswer i will totally understand it just i wanted to hear YOUR opinion because i really do appreciate your analysis of snk anyway my question is regarding erehisu...not i dislike it but its just im so tired can isayama make em or eh canon already so this clownery end...BUT i really do believe eremika will be the endgame because of all the proof that we have in the manga but people tend to make it as if its a crack ship ugh...what do you think hisu's final role will be? What do you think eren awswered her? Though i dont believe hisu's question meant any romantic undertones what do you make out of her question to eren?

Hi anon!!

Thank you for your kind words T.T

Well... the question focuses on my opinion on which ship has more chances to become canon, right?

I’ve spent some time thinking about my answer to this question, how I could go direct to the point while giving enough arguments to defend my opinion. Prepare yourself because I couldn’t and this will be very long. Sorry...

1. Eren’s characterization + romance

First of all, there is a very important point about Eren that shipers (even me sometimes) forget. A friend that loves and understand Eren the most pointed this many times when I was starting to forget about it... I dare to say that nobody surpasses her understanding of his characterization.

Eren isn’t a romantic person. We all have to keep in mind that his priorities aren’t the priorities a normal person would have. He is like Rick from Casablanca. There’s the duty and then dreams and then, maybe, romantic love (If we take for granted that he knows what it is). Erwin loved Marie but he had a priority. (There’s me finding more similarities between Erwin and Eren). Eren’s current development is more about his mission than a romantic one. Although he plays with romance, he does it while being blatantly blind about it.

Eren got caught in the middle of his normal development from a child that gets annoyed by romance and has some kind of allergy against cheesy moments (for ex. in ch. 3 with Franz and Hannah) to a teenager that blooms to feel romantic love as something important and unavoidable. It’s normal for kids. But Eren hasn’t a normal life. There was always something more important than learning how to love, be loved and express it openly. It’s not that he isn’t able to love, more likely the opposite. He knows how to love and he has his own ways to do it... but the way the world is restricted his possibilities to live a different life. Even in the way EMA never got to communicate properly most of the times. Communication runs sometimes as a question, a statement and no back question (for ex. ch. 3). Eren asked about Mikasa’s reasons to follow him, about Armin’s reasons, where he threw that line about his death being meaningless. Nobody said anything, neither Mikasa nor Eren reacted stating the opposite. They usually don’t have the time nor oportunity to talk or even think about essential topics as feelings of love or labeling their feelings.

Given Eren’s lack of experience and maturity that we could see until Marley arc. Is it even possible that he developed a carnal relationship with Historia before going to Marley? No. No, because it would contradict somehow his characterization. Eren is depicted exactly as someone that took this decision because he lost every single deep bond that would have stopped him. This lack of understanding brought him to this point. The lack of value he places on life and a comfortable life with friends and family.

2. The baby

The whole baby plot point is from my perspective just about the curse and a new generation (maybe) free from being SoY but just normal human beings.

Historia choosing this way was also the safest way to oppose her destiny... strategically speaking. She could trick everyone without being called openly a traitor. So I’m agree with you. Her question wasn’t romantic.

3. The father and his meaning

The father is, as I pointed out once in my Twitter acc., the farmer. My reasons are that there is a meaning behind his existence. He was a boy that dared Historia to break the rules and stop being submissive. He is aligned with Historia’s current role as someone who stopped being the good girl that follows stupid and detrimental rules in disregard of her own life. He is also a man that decided to redeem himself by helping her with the orphanage without trying to get her attention at all. Being a normal person who enjoys a normal life and also redemption. I’m not saying necessarily that it’s about love, but he isn’t just a nobody. He holds a deep, positive meaning for the story. Isayama pairs usually a sinner and an “innocent”: Annie and Armin, Eren and Mikasa, Erwin and Levi, Ymir and Krista, Historia and the Farmer. Eren and Historia are the current sinners on the matter that both chose the rumbling... let’s say.

Why this kind of pairing? Because one has to contribute to the improvement of the other. Two sinners (with the same crime and perspective) can’t help each other. It’s opposition what will bring them to overcome their weaknesses.

4. Development of the couples

That being said, Eren and Mikasa as pair are in the focus. Isayama went through 10 years of development of most of the pairs to build up a support for EreMika. He build parallels with YumiHisu and Falbi and gave us hints to understand EM better. The vow he made to her was probably one of those moments when he started to be romantic without noticing.

5. Eren and Historia: their moments

EH interactions are, conversely, of other nature. Both feel related about the point of carrying a big burden. While Eren has to save humanity fighting, Historia has the role of a founder who has to assure humanity’s survival by having children and keeping the royal family alive. Both want to be free from that burden and end up being “partners in crime” by betraying everyone. I’m missing the romantic interactions to be very honest. It’s because Eren is so self-focused that he anchors here when someone who is alone and having the same problems and feelings appears. But... where did the fandom start to see something between them?

Two moments. The moment when he said “she is admirable” and the moment when he insisted to spare her life. That obsession that is so tricky to even be explained.

The first one made a difference between how Eren acknowledges Historia’s attributes and disregards Mikasa’s. The fandom uses this to point out that Eren likes Historia more. Well, no. His relationship towards Mikasa was characterized by jealousy. He won’t admit anything.

Regarding his “obsession” to save her... this started when he knew the existence of Eren Krüger, his thoughts and the whole story about Dina. It wasn’t before that. We must also admit that Historia’s safety was related to more characters than just Eren. Since the very beginning, her safety was conveniently displayed by Frieda, Ymir and Reiner, what makes me believe that her destiny was to give birth to this baby (aka. plot armor). Her role is to avoid becoming a titan by her own choice, that’s her arc. With Krüger we also knew the importance of a royal: they can give birth to more convenient instruments for war. Knowing that he was devoted to the mission, I believe that Eren is being influenced by him (I want to highlight the word “influenced” as something different to manipulated). So this is all related to the mission and the final outcome about Ymir, the curse, the power and the baby. Eren partly wants to grant her the chance to choose, but he also pushes her to do so based on part of her desires because of the mission as he did with Grisha.

Add here the fact that Historia was prepared to sacrifice his life at the cave if it was needed. That shows her priorities.

A lot of EH shippers claim that she saved him. Regarding her role as savior, I’m more objective and skeptical. She spared his life, but emotionally speaking, she didn’t really save him. The proof is that he was still low, thinking that he was a nobody. Carla’s words were the message with enough impact to relieve him and make him open himself to Armin and Mikasa and tell them about his sorrows. This shows the difference on the impact on him when it comes to Historia and when it comes to Carla... this happens again in ch. 131. He thinks about his mother instead of Historia who was the one reproving his plan. To me, Historia is his friend and inspired him to fight just for his sake against the system and rebel those who are over him and oppressing him. But his soft side is related to Carla, Armin and Mikasa: his family and those, who appreciate his life over his fate and urge of freedom and to be acknowledged.

Bonus: when Eren told Historia that she saved him was more like “You chose this path once and I’m sorry. I’ll be starting the rumbling and you contributed”. Historia’s face to that looks like this: “Oh no...I fucked up”. It doesn’t look like “Oh no... I don’t regret saving you because I love you and I can’t live without you”. On the contrary, that’s when she realizes that she was part of this since the beginning and that by saving him, she chose to let the rumbling happen once in the past. Then she goes along with the plan for her own reasons and because she hasn’t better options to choose either.

Summary:

Eren didn’t develop as a romantic person yet nor prioritized romantic love over his mission. It goes against a previous explicit development of EH before the trip to Marley. The farmer has a positive meaning as the father. EM is more developed and shows romantic undertones and common tropes. EH hasn’t romantic undertones and it’s more related to the mission to save the eldians.

So... that was it. Sorry again for the length and thank you for the ask!

[giovaenna]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐎𝐃𝐅𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈𝐈 (𝟏𝟗𝟕𝟒) 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒

“ I feel rotten about telling you this. “ “ I've got some bad news. ” “ You looked after me like a father. ” “ Take this to your family. ” “ I’m not interested in things that don't concern me. “ “ You still have my goods ? “ “ It would be a present, I know how to return a favor. “ “ This is a real palace. “ “ Sit down, make yourself comfortable. “ “ Good health is the most important thing. “ “ I came here because there's going to be more bloodshed. “ “ Nobody wants another war. “ “ When i refused, he tried to have me killed. “ “ He was stupid, I was lucky. “ “ I'll visit him soon. “ “ The important thing is that nothing interferes with our plans for the future. “ “ You're a wise and considerate young man. “ “ There's much I can learn from you. “ “ What we'll do in the next few months will make history. “ “ He's small potatoes. “ “ Is something wrong? “ “ I wish you would have let me know you were coming, I could have prepared something. “ “ I didn't want you to know I was coming. “ “ I want you to help me take my revenge. “ “ I don't have your brain for big deals, but this is a street thing. “ “ I remember when I was a kid, we had to be quiet when we played near here. “ “ My father taught me many things here. He taught me in this room. “ “ Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. “ “ Will he come alone? “ “ You guys lied to me, I don't want you to call me anymore. “ “Close the fucking door ! “ “ What's the matter? “ “ You open the fucking bar I'll blow your head in. “ “ When I woke up I was on the floor, and I donit know how it happened. “ “ jesus, jesus. “ “ I dont know and i dont understand why, i can't remember. “ “ I'll speak to him. “ “ The doctors would disagree, but what do they know? “ “I saw an interesting thing happen today. “ “ It occurred to me, the soldiers were paid to fight. The rebels weren't. “ “ What I wouldn't give for twenty more years. “ “ I’m kind of nervous from the trip. Can I get a drink or something? “ “ It's not easy to be a son. “ “ How do you say bana daquiri ? “ “ Can i trust you with something? “ “ Before i reach my hotel, i'll be assassinated. “ “ He thinks he's gonna live forever. “ “ Someone put a bullet through his eye. No one knows who gave the order. “ “ i love you, but don’t ever take sides against the family again. ever. “ “ I didnt ask who gave the order because it had nothing to do with business. “ “When i wake, if the moneys on the table i'll know i have a partner. If it isnt, i'll know i dont. “ “ I know it was you, [name]. You broke my heart. “ “ You're still my brother. “ “ Where's my brother? “ “ Young man, i hear you and your friends are stealing goods “ “ You and your friends should show me some respect. “ “ You young punks have to learn how to respect a man like me ! “ “ The cops will show up at your house and your family will be ruined. “ “ Of course if I’m wrong about how much you stole - I’ll take a little less. “ “ Tell your friends i don’t want a lot , just enough to keep my mouth shut. “ “ Why should we give him the money we sweated for? “ “ I’ll reason with him. “ “ I never lie to my friends. “ “ Tell him you'll pay him whatever he wants, dont argue with him. Then i'll go and get him to agree. “ “ Just remember that i did you a favor. “ “ I'll make an offer he won't refuse. “ “ I’m short of money right now. I’ve been out of work so... give me a little time. “ “ How come I’ve never heard of you before? “ “ You’ve got a lot of guts. “ “ You’ve done well for yourself. “ “ [Name], your father loves you so much. “ “ We called it a family. “ “ At first like everybody else, I was a soldier. “ “ When the boss says push a button on a guy, I push a button. “ “ No, i never talked to him. “ “ You may find this very amusing but i promise you the members of this committee do not. “ “ He was being strong for his family. “ “ By being strong for his family, could he lose it? “ “ You can never lose your family. “ “ Times are changing. “ “ It’s my pleasure, i dont want money. Take it as a gift. “ “ If theres something i can do for you, you come, we talk. “ “ [Name], why did you come to see me? “ “ He said he'd get the police to throw me out on the street. “ “ Who the hell are you to come give me orders? “ “ Do me this favor, I wont forget it. “ “ Ask your friends in the neighborhood about me, they'll tell you I know how to return a favor. “ “ Im giving back the money you gave me. “ “ Your kindness made me feel ashamed of myself. “ “ Can i offer you coffee? “ “ He won't be back. “ “ It was a term used by his friends. One of attention and respect. “ “ They have honored me with their support and friendship. “ “It would be a shame if we allowed a few rotten apples to give a bad name to the whole barrel. “ “ They are the salt of the earth and the backbones of this country. “ “ i hope they will have the decency to clear my name with the same publicity with which they have besmirched it. “ “ Well, just get a good night's sleep. “ “ Tomorrow... my life wont be worth more than a nickel after tomorrow. “ “ You’ve got a great home here, for the rest of your life. “ “ You'll live like a king. You’ll be a hero. “ “ How did they get their hands on him? “ “ He thought you double crossed him. “ “ Our detectives said he was half dead, scared stiff calling out that you'd turned on him. “ “ I havent got a lot to say, [name]. “ “ What about now? Is there anything you can help me out with? “ “ I didn't know it was gonna be a hit. I swear to God i didn’t know. “ “ He said there was something in it for me if i could help him out. “ “ He said that you were being tough on the negotiations. “ “ It would be good for the family. “ “ He said it would be good for the family. “ “ And you believed that story? You believed that? “ “ He said there was something in it for me, on my own. “ “ I’ve alway taken care of you. “ “ Did you ever think about that? Did you ever once think about that? “ “ It ain't the way I wanted it ! “ “ I can handle things, I’m smart. Not like everybody says. “ “ You’re nothing to me now. Not a brother, not a friend. I don’t want to know you, or what you do. “ “ There’s more people than at a ballgame here! “ “ I have my own family. “ “ But it was all lies, everything. “ “ So I said yeah, sure why not. “ “ There are some things id like to talk to you about. “ “ What really happened with [name]? “ “ Where is he now? “ “ I had nothing to do with it. “ “ You’ve become blind! “ “ I don’t want to hear about it “ “ At this moment i feel no love for you at all. “ “ I never thought that would happen, but it has. “ “ We leave tomorrow. “ “ [Name], you haven’t heard me. “ “ In time, you'll think differently. “ “ I know what that meant to you. I'll make it up to you. “ “ I’ve learned that I have the strength to change. “ “ I had it killed because this must all end. “ “ I know now that it’s over. I knew it then. “ “ There would be no way you could ever forgive me. “ “ I'd like to stay close to home now, if it’s alright. “ “ I hated you for so many years. “ “ I think that I did things to myself, to hurt myself, so that you'd know that I could hurt you. “ “ You were just being strong for all of us. “ “ I forgive you. “ “ Can't you forgive [name] ? “ “ Our business friend and partner is in the news. “ “ He's only got six months anyways. “ “ It would be like trying to kill the president, theres no way we can get to him. “ “ If anything in this life is certain, if history has taught us anything - it’s that you can kill anyone. “ “ Is it worth it? You’ve won, do you want to wipe everybody out? “ “ I don’t feel I have to wipe everybody out. Just my enemies, that’s all. “ “ I've always been loyal to you. What is this? “ “ Every time i put a line in the water I said a Hail Mary, and every time I said a Hail Mary I caught a fish. “ “ He's ten times tougher than me. Old fashioned. “ “ We were like the roman empire. “ “ When a plot against the emperor failed, the plotters were always given a chance to let their families keep their fortunes. “ “ The little guys, they got knocked off. “ “ [Name], kiss your mama goodbye. “ “ Mother of God, pray for us sinners. “ “ You break your father's heart on his birthday. “ “ Your country ain’t your blood. “

[karmalondon]

#BlackLivesMatter

I'm calling some of you out, with all this madness going on, I wanna share whats on my mind.

I think around 90% of Turks/Turkish Cypriots are racist hypocrites.

Hear me out before you think its not you.

I grew up in Tottenham till i was 12, Now we all know Tottenham has a very large black community.

Why do we all know this?

Because its always been talked about in that way.

Anyway, my childhood was amazing i had alsorts of friends from different backgrounds at school, i loved it there, it was a place i was free to play with whoever i wanted, and i did, i don't have any memories of racism at primary school.

However i do have memories of my parents' friends (family even) saying stuff to my parents like "Why dont you move, you're surrounded by Blacks" followed by "Why dont you move somewhere with more English?"

My parents would answer them by saying our Black neighbours are nicer to us than the English are. They would say abd describe the English people they knew, as cold and only willing to see you and speak when they feel like it.

We're my parents being racist or just saying it how they saw and experienced it, im not sure,

but what i do know is i personally can't prove them wrong yet, dont get me wrong i love all my friends but if im gonna separate race, like its happening now, i have to agree, with my parents and say to this day my English friends have never been racist to me, but have always kept me at their convenient distance, sorry if you disagree but that is my feelings, how i feel.

Is it because they are racist? or just a general way of English life?

Or is it just the ones God puts on my path? (I have lots of questions) anyway im veering off here, going back to Turks being racist.

As a kid, I remember going on holiday to North Cyprus and making friends with some gypsies that lived across the road, i was told off for this by a lot of my Nans neighbours (you know the ones that came for coffee and woke you up every morning with their chatter and gossip), i was told not to play with them as they were gypsies and black, so that there was my 1st encounter i remember clearly with people not thinking like i did (so what if they were gypsies and black i was having fun with them), It gave me reasons to see these elders as stupid (now I'd say deeply uneducated), as at that time i had no idea what racism was, so i agree 100% when people say racism is taught. So anyway, naturally i had no respect for anything else that came out of their mouths and for this i was given the naughty rebel title from a very young age.

Moving on, we moved from Tottenham to Edmonton when my daddy got a job working for British Telecom, Not because of Black people, but because my parents now had a better income and the houses were nicer and there was more open green space for us to play, they thought they upgraded.

I start a new school and funny enough I'm in really new territory, i was 1 of only 4 turks in my class and i knew it, I felt the foreigner, but found my new friends were more keen to learn about our culture than to bully me or be nasty about it. But none the less i still felt foreign.

Later i made lots Greek Cypriot friends they just seemed to be so similar to us Turks and yet so different, but yet we all clicked and clicked well. I knew a little bit about the Cyprus war, but it wasn't really something that was spoken about in my family. As i was getting older and going out, going round friends houses, thats when i really began to here the stories of the Cyprus war, but it wasn't from my family no, it was my Greek friends parents telling me all about it, every single one i ever met had to bring up the story and educate me.

so now im a confused teen who thinks i got great friends, but every Greek parent still holds a mini grudge against Turks or just wont let go of the past.

It always felt like it was their way of letting me know i was privileged to be in their home. That may not be what they would say, but its how i felt.

Yet again i still wonder was it just the people in my life path? Or is this the Greek Cypriot way of life? Maybe like the English are stereotyped for conversations about the weather, that's just what the old Greek Cypriots do? I mean its still a history story told to tourists in South Cyprus to this day.

Obviously I've gone back home and questioned the stuff, done my own research too and come up with my own decision and that was that this is how deep racism still runs, Its such a small island with such a small population that couldn't (still aint) live in harmony with one another, who cares who had it 1st, (my conclusion is Dinosaurs btw) anyway the Bible says "Love thy neighbour" and one of the fundamental laws of the Quran is Oneness and Unity, so for such a religious island full of Churches, pictures of Mary's and Jesus Christ and Mosque's and with prayer read out loud on speakers 5 times a day and atheism at a low there, I think it's truly hypocritical racism on both parts isn't it?

Why do we live in harmony here but not there?

What made it all different just by crossing an ocean?

Or are we just faking it?

Coz it looks like harmony until one wants to marry the other, and the same again when it comes to the Black community. although this is slowly changing.

We all know finding true love and connection is very rare, every now and then a person blessed to meet and connect with someone on a deep level, someone who gets them, someone who presses all the right buttons in all the right places, someone who wants to be with them always and share a life together, when that happens you don't see that persons Colour, Race or Religion.

But take that relationship outside and all hell breaks loose, everyone has something to say about it, someway to feel about it.

Especially those who have been suffering in fear of loneliness in loveless marriages for years.

God help any Turkish girl that might fall in love with a Black or Greek man, 50% of them today would loose their family.

I have also seen many Turkish girls in multi racial relationships suffer and fail because of the family putting so much pressure of hate on the relationship,

When it does fail its usually because they lost their family support system, shut out in the cold by the ones that once said nobody loved them like they did, then being made to feel like they brought shame on the family. Being made to feel like they were a waste of time being raised.That kinda hurt changes people, its bad, but the guilty party dont accept and usually turn around and say "I told you so", hence enforcing their racist belief was true and so it continues.

I have also come across many Turkish males over the years and still to this day know of many who have many Black friends but would never touch a Turkish girl who has been in bed with a Black male!

Is this not hypocritical racism too?

But i guess it justified because we hear stories on the news of some other races that murder their daughters, to honor the family name, should they run off with a Black man, so i guess Turkish girls are lucky, aren't they?

Then we have the stupid racism against our own, us British Turkish Cypriots have always been treated differently when visiting Cyprus.

And a lot Turkey Turks that act like they're better than everyone. Always teasing the way we speak and always pointing out and saying something like "Ohh you're Cypriot"

Well yeah we speak different, you twat, its mixed in with greek because we used to live together.

Then they act like we still owe them gratitude for helping us get half of Cyprus (not all of you but a lot),

Well I think every Turkish household in North Cyprus has a picture of Ataturk in there home to this day.

The Turkish Cypriot government has even allowed mainland Turks to set up lots of hotels and casinos and brothels and created a safe haven for those with money running away from trials.

How much more gratitude do they want?

Especially as in my eyes all they really did was create a huge divide and caused unnecessary ongoing racism, where it once never existed, instead of helping achieve peace and harmony.

So if we are gonna end racism it starts with you.

Open your eyes every time you mention people by their Race or Religion or Colour?

Ask yourself was it really necessary?

Ask yourself why you think about people of different Race, Religion or Colour the way you do?

See your own racism 1st.

And finally I would like to add no Turk except the Black Turks has ever faced racism like Black People around the world have and still face.

It needs to stop and it needs to stop now.

I'm just having a rant based on my life experiences and this is only my opinion and does not include any real facts other than my personal encounters and experiences.

[hyunlixsung]

Drabble Me This

Hey guys I’ve decided to do a Drabble game! My best friend helped me make this list! @himekute Love you bestie!

-One person = one number

-70 numbers available!

-Mainly stray kids but can do side characters from other groups in the Drabble

-You may request a time stamp along with your number 

1-“All it took was one look into those eyes and I knew that was the last time I'd be at home for a while." - girl of protective parents runs away/breaks rules for rebel bf

2-“Why is there a duckling floating in the bathtub?" - girl rescues a duckling from side of the road and brings in home. Bf discovers it and they become duck parents.

3-“I remember this feeling. It feels like home." cuddly bf attached to gf hip. Touching her one way or another - backhugs, holds hand, hand in back pocket, arm around hip.

4-“We didn't know when we'd see each other again." Spontaneous kissing. Passionate. Hands through hair. Picks up and pushes against the wall. Sits on counter tops. Nuzzling. Lip biting and bruising.

5-“Do you trust me?"

6-“You don't have to do this. I can change. I'll be better."

7-“When I hear forever, I see their face smiling back at me."

“8-“I didn’t mean to kill her.”

“Stop talking about me like I’m dead!”

“Her voice is still so energetic”

9-“Are we lost?”

“No?????”

“That sounded reassuring”

10-“I don’t really think before I act. It’s part of my charm”

11-“Excuse me? Are you telling me what to do?....thank goodness I have NO idea what I’m doing.”

12-“I'm dying."

"No you're just hungry." (Not looking at them. Looking at tv)

(Lays body across their legs) "I'm not gonna make it."

13-“You have three seconds before I start screaming."

"Listen I-"

"One"

"You don't understand-"

"Two"

"You see the thing is-"

"Three"

SCREECHES

14-“Don’t worry nobody is expecting much. Just be you...actually be you but like less...you.”

“Was that supposed to be a pep talk?”

15-“You couldn’t handle me if I came with instructions”

16-“Oh bite me” I rolled my eyes. I failed to notice his smirk. “With pleasure darling”

17-“When I’m done with you, you’re back is gonna be four different shades of red”

“Not if you can’t catch me”

18-“Take your things and go!...what are you DOING?! Put me down!”

“You said take my things and go!”

19-“Talk dirty to me."

"It's your turn to do the dishes tonight."

"That's not what I meant."

"You broke our dishwasher trying to clean your crocs."

20-“When I say who's cute, you say me!"

"Who's cute?" "Me"

"Who's cute?" "You"

"Who's cute?" "Us"

"This is why I love you"

21-“Iwon’t let anyone hurt you, you’re safe with me”

“You’re the reason im injured!”

“How was I supposed to know you would be dancing around the house mopping and that you would be very jumpy???”

22-“We gotta go NOW!”

“Why WHERES the fire?”

“Listen idk if you wanna deal with them but I’m not in the mood to have purple marks all over my neck!”

23-“Yeah you think you’re tough! Come AT me!”

“This I was a TERRIBLE IDEA!”

24-“This has got to be one of your dumbest ideas you've ever thought of."

"Relax babe." [Wears goggles while chopping onions] "see no tears."

"Did you just cut yourself?"

"I think we need to go to the ER"

25-“What’s the plan?”

“You had a plan?”

“YOU were supposed to have the plan!”

“well I didn’t!”

26-“Hey so I was wondering..."

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you just found your next meal."

"Because I just did." Smirks

27-“You’re in trouble now baby.”

“Is is it too late to kiss it better?”

28-“I’m gonna show everyone who you belong to. You’re mine!”

29-“This is a terrible idea.”

“Do you wnat to go home?”

“Hell no! This is the most fun I’ve had in years!”

30-“I know this isn’t the way you wanted your life to turn out, but is that really such a bad thing?”

31-“You know when you said 'let's make tonight fun' being hunted like deer in the back alleys wasnt exactly what I had in mind."

32-“You were about to spend the night reorganizing your spice cabinet."

"I don't need to be attacked like this right now."

33-“I’m cold, I’m

Tired, and I’m going to lose it if I don’t have cuddles and coffee in the next three minutes”

34-“How fast are you?”

“I compete with tiger”

“You mean A tiger?”

“No I mean tiger....my cousin’s rabbit”

35-“If they catch us were dead!”

36 “If I get one more jump scare I’m pulling this car over!”

“Umm THERES A WOLF ON OUR ROOF!”

37-“ Remind me again why I'm doing this."

"Because you love me."

38-“ Out of my way my baby is hurt!”

“39-“I’m not gonna ask again. You stay away from MY girl or I’ll rip You to shreds!”

40-“Your lips look cold can I warm them up?”

....”is that your way of asking for a kiss?”

“Listen linda I’ve been wanting to do this for MONTHS now just let me be smooth for once-“

41-“Well?”

“Well what?”

“Make yourself useful and kiss me.”

42-“So tell me whatcha want, whatcha really want."

"I'll tell ya what i want, what i really really want.

I want to kiss you (or i want to marry you or i want you to be mine)."

43-“Hey babe."

"Yeah?"

"We're out of sugar."

"I'll add it to the grocery list lat-"

Kisses her lips

"Don't worry about it. I got some."

44-“Why do we have 50,000 pillows on the bed. We only need two."

"Listen, when the dust bunny soliders bust into our home we won't be sitting ducks. You'll thank me later."

45-“How many lives need to be ruined before you admit here’s a problem?”

46-“Just because you can see a use doesn’t make something useless!”

47-“I never asked you to save me. And I definitely didn’t ask for the rest of this.”

48-“Stop shutting me out and talk to me for once. PLEASE."

49-“Everybody makes mistakes.”

“Not everyone makes the same mistake three times!”

50-“Fool me once shame on me, fool me twice shame on you. Fool me three times shame on you again for taking advantage of my good nature!”

51-“Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed the wya they look at you, whisper and chatter when you appear. They think you’re going to rescue them.”

52-“Run away if you want, but know who you are leaving behind and the risk you are taking. They may not be so patient.”

53-“I told you this all those months ago when we first met. I'll say it again. I'm not who you think I am."

54-“Don’t act like you know me. You don’t KNOW me”

“Yes I do!”

“What’s my favorite color then??”

“Easy blue!”

“...that doesn’t prove anything.”

55-“DOES IT LOOK LIKE I NEED TO BE SAVED?? AM I BROKEN TO YOU??"

"No that's not it."

"What is is then?!?!"

"I love you."

56-“I love you on the outside.”

“Wow that makes me feel SOOOO much better”

“Now let me love you on the inside.”

57-“I already said 'I love you'."

"I know."

"Then what do you want?"

"I want you to say it to me again and mean it this time."

58-“I love you”

“...what did you say?”

“Umm I said you cute?” 

“Say it again.” 

“You cute.” Gets close to her face “say it again”

59-“Can you do something for me?" 

“Anything for you baby." 

“I want you to kiss me. And not just the sweet little short kisses we give each other. I need those long, hot, passionate deep kisses that'll leave me breathless. I need you to hold me close to your chest and make it feel like you'll never let me go. I need you to-”

60-“When I saw his face, I could see our entire future together. But when I looked into her eyes, all I could see were galaxies and possibilities."

61-“Are you new here? I don't think I've ever seen you before." 

"Yeah, we've only met in your dreams. You're even more beautiful in person."

62-“DONT cover your marks. I want people to know you’re not for sale.” 

“...so I’m an object?” 

“No! Never! Sorry that came out wrong. But you are mine and I’d like people to keep their hands off.”

63-“(member full name)” “Yes (member last name) (y/f/n)?”” We aren’t married?” “Not yet babe”

64-“nope no kids!” “Why not :(((?” “I have to look after YOU!”

65. "Hey baaabe..." 

“Yeeeaaah???" 

“You never said we were expecting company." 

"I never said what-" pauses and stands protectively in front of them. In a deep voice and darkened eyes "What are you doing here?"

66-“okay this is going to seem absolutely crazy but I need you to run!” 

“You want me to RUN?? I’m sorry running is a SIN!” 

“It’s either that or be eaten take your pick.”

 “If I choose eaten does that make me a snack or a meal?”

67-“oh please I bet you can’t even kiss a girl sweetly . All you know how to do is be rough.” 

Slams hands on desk. “But you like it rough don’t you? I can see it. But that’ll have to wait for another time.”

 Scoff. “Another time? Like you’re gonna get a first time-“

68. "Why did I ever trust you!?!?" 

"Baby, don't say things like that! You can trust me!!" 

"YOU ATE THE LAST SLICE OF BANANA BREAD WHEN I PUT A SPECIAL STICKY NOTE ON IT." 

"I'm sorry 😭😭"

 "No this marriage is over." 

"We aren't married.”

 "You're right we aren't now."

69. "Don't touch me. Don't look at me. Don't think about me. Don't *shaky breath* just *voice breaks* don't."

 "Love, let me explain. That wasn't me." 

"It wasn't you?? If it wasn't you, then who was it???? Hmm!" 

"My twin."

70. "Hey! Do me a favor will ya?"

“Yeah sure what do you - is that, why is there blood on your shirt?

“Kiss me.”

“W h a t?”

Kisses and pulls back after people pass them.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah sure whatever...blushes

[shinythingsorpaperrings]

things about my playlist (super long cause i included lyrics whos surprised)

Right Here, Right Now Right here, Right now I'm looking at you and My Heart love the view Cause you mean everything  im always a sucker for a good hsm song but this moment in the movie just really strongly resonates with me, the desire to make the moment last even though everything is speeding around them

Today Was A Fairytale But can you feel this magic in the air? It must have been the way you kissed me Fell in love when I saw you standing there every day just feels like floating like it really is magic honestly

Hung Up I'm not usually the type of guy to call twice And leave a message every time i think ive only left multiple voicemails for my mum like once

Thunder I don't wanna ever love another You'll always be my thunder So bring on the rain something bout boys like girls just always resonates about us but especially this. i used to play it every day when i spent that summer away

Check Yes Juliet Run, baby, run Don't ever look back They'll tear us apart If you give them the chance we all know how shit romeo and juliet when badly idealised but something about this just made me feel really strongly that it was ok cause of all the issues w my folks but i could run from that and itd still be ok

Two Is Better Than One Cause everything you do and words you say You know that it all takes my breath away this song just brings me back to that first night up against the wall honestly

Mine You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter You are the best thing, that's ever been mine another one of those played everyday, not even just the summer, but literally everyday for a long while. this part was the part that clicked most, that you brought me out of my shell

Love Story And my daddy said "Stay away from Juliet" But you were everything to me, I was begging you, please, don't go  swift is kind of a running theme for my sweet summer tunes, but parts of this song reminded me of what my folks would be like, and the constant (poor) secret-keeping and the constant want to be free to be us

Marry You Is it the look in your eyes or is it this dancing juice Who cares baby, I think I wanna marry you i think its kinda self explanatory

Can I Have This Dance Take my hand, I'll take the lead And every turn will be safe with me Don't be afraid, afraid to fall You know I'll catch you through it all this will never stop being the cheesy fall back memory i have, its another soft moment but i love it so

2002 Now we're under the covers Fast forward to eighteen We are more than lovers Yeah, we are all we need When we're holding each other this song just invokes a lot of early memories, of the way we would belt every song out that would come on, the way that wed fix a playlist like no one else was there

Everything I Ask For Oh she makes me feel like shit (it's always something) But I can't get over it (she thinks it's nothing) 'Cause she's everything I ask for gotta agree with john, wearin red when youre feelin hot. its a good colour for you, yknow

Alone Together I don't know where I'm going But I don't think I'm coming home and I said I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead This is the road to ruin And we're starting at the end we started a mess, we ended a mess, were still a mess, and anything we do going forwards is a mess, but its ok

Still Into You I should be over all the butterflies but I'm into you, I'm into you And even baby our worst nights I'm into you, I'm into you Let 'em wonder how we got this far, 'Cause I don't really need to wonder at all Yeah after all this time I'm still into you  i remember when my dad sent me the video to this song just because of what was on haleys tshirt. i didnt think it would come to stick with me for so long and mean so much

Runaway (U & I) I wanna run away Anywhere out this place I wanna run away Just U and I wouldnt be my playlist if i didnt throw electronic into it. a general running (lmao) theme though isnt it? to want to run away, to find somewhere new to start

Ours Seems like there's always Someone who disapproves, They'll judge it like they know about me and you, And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do, The jury's out, And my choice is you another summer jam. no matter what, this is ours. no one can take that away, nobody but us can change it. it will always be ours

Song 2 You I'll give you my song These words to you Sing you what I feel My soul is true. a little victorious doesnt hurt. its a soft song, mostly about a materialistic girl, but the feeling behind it resonates with me. i love how soft it is, i love the meaning behind it. but most of all i love that its still music thats being used to connect people

Stupid For You You're a symphony, I'm just a sour note I'll take what I can get The best is hard to grip when everybody wants you And everybody wants you basically about feeling just a little not good enough, but still chasin and makin it work. id say im pretty stupid for you though

Right Girl I've never been the best with my mouth Try to stay smart but the dumb comes out Maybe I'm shy, I drive an old car Maybe I'm amazed that I got this far you are the best thing to ever happen and i let my dumbass brain panic itself into doing the wrong thing to the right girl

Rock Bottom That you hate me now and I feel the same way You love me now and I feel the same way We scream and we shout And make up the same day everything culminated to this, to being rock bottom and tossing and turning and trying and maybe not trying enough. everythings still low it still feels like rock bottom while still feeling like theres more to fall. its hard to explain

Trigger Why can't we talk about it Why don't we try I think we can change our minds If we could just look at it through each other's eyes Instead of letting bullets fly i wish, at least for getting through this, we could be better at pushing emotions back to talk, that i could be better at pushing emotions back. i wish i was better at taking a step back and seeing it from another perspective before it got too late

I Really Like You Who gave you eyes like that, said you could keep them? I dunno how to act or if I should be leavin' I'm running outta time, going outta my mind i remember thinking how annoying this was when it came on, but it explains so well this state of limbo, this state of “what can i say, what cant i say”

Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic Every little thing she does is magic Everything she do just turns me on Even though my life before was tragic Now I know my love for her goes on my dad used to play this a lot when i was younger and i forgot it for a while, but something about you sparked me to remember it, to want to hear it on repeat, to belt it despite how quiet it is on spotify, to let it wash over me

How You Get The Girl And then you say I want you for worse or for better I would wait for ever and ever Broke your heart, I'll put it back together I would wait for ever and ever i remember how you used to say you didnt like this song but now it kinda feels like were living it, that someones going to show up on someones door step six months down the line in the pouring rain. or maybe someone wont. but it doesnt stop ever resonating with me so deep in my bones

Be There I'll be the warmth in your empty hotel I'll make it right when you're going through hell I'll be the call when there's no one to tell no matter the situation, ill still be there for you. doesnt matter when, how, what, why, ill be there

Anchor If you’re lost And feel like you’re alone I’ll be the one to guide you home You’ll never have far to go just to really drive the point home with a little tritonal, ill be your anchor, maybe not your rock, im not solid enough, or rooted myself. i sway with the tide but ill still be something you can hold on to

My Life Would Suck Without You Maybe I was stupid For telling you goodbye Maybe I was wrong For tryin' to pick a fight I know that I've got issues But you're pretty messed up too Either way I found out I'm nothing without you i dont care how rocky its been, i refuse to let myself be without you, whatever that entails

Dopamine What you do to me is no good But baby, you're good for me, so good for me We break up to build something new Chasing after what I have with you i think no matter what, it will always feel like what im doing is trying to get back what we had, but not the way it was, more the way we fit together, how we could sit together and be content, to fight and curse each other out but still somehow make it ok, thats what id be chasing after

I’m Yours So I won't hesitate no more, no more It cannot wait I'm sure There's no need to complicate Our time is short This is our fate, I'm yours my heart will always be yours, even if you dont want it, it doesnt plan on going anywhere any time soon. i could leave and it would still stay with you

I Want You Back Oh, baby, give me one more chance To show you that I love you Won't you please let me Back in your heart Oh, darling, I was blind to let you go Let you go baby Cause now since I see you it is all victoria justices voice makes it feel more relevant somehow, maybe its the female voice with the same lyrics, maybe its just the way she sings it, who knows, but this rings pretty fuckin true

Just Wanna Be With You I got a lot of things I have to do All these distractions Our futures coming soon We're being pulled a hundred different directions But whatever happens I know I've got you while comedic in the end of year musical, the rehearsal version really i think really captures the heart of the relationship, that everything is happening everywhere and theres nowhere to stop and breathe but theyre still there for each other, and i will be too

Black Butterflies and Deja Vu I lose my voice when I look at you Can't make a noise though I'm trying to Tell you all the right words Waiting on the right words one of my favourites off the album, i hadnt found one i connected with much off the american candy album, except for ‘miles away’ perhaps, but then LLL dropped with this as a single and it just clicked so much with me. i find it so hard to tell you all the things i want to, the right things to tell you, its hard to ask you to be patient for me to get out what i want to, and i always end up sticking my foot in it, but one day ill get it right

Marry Me Forever can never be long enough for me To feel like I've had long enough with you a soft way to end this playlist, a perfect way to end it i think

[twisted-sparks]

I’m sorry that i always have to complain if i come up here once in a while, but there is an issue again i just have to get off my chest. And ofc its about top & his birthday hashtagging “scandal” If you wouldn’t know (but i highly doubt that there are any fan that havent heard the story) korean vips asked intl fans before top’s birthday that we should not trend any hashtags on twitter, because we should keep the silence & protect this sacred day & him from stupid badmouthing people. BUT ofc the intl fans are pure justice warriors that now suddenly decided to break out from this & finally end this quiet peace - so they literally shitted on the kvips whish. All right, i said, everybody is free enough to do what they want to do. Personally i supported kvips with the silent celebrating but i didn’t had any opposition against the hashtag thingy (i just havent reblogged birthday wishes with it). Then, at the end of the day a big blessing came: top’s precious mom posted a pic w/ him on her ig acc. Everyone was joyful, and finally we could saw his face: he is with his loved ones, freely, peacefully, hopefully happy as well. But what happened after, that is what fucks with my head right now & i seriously question some intl fans’ decency & respect towards others & the situation. A clever twitter user literally called the silent-suporters - that kindly told the others not to celebrate too loudly - fake.  Wow, now thats very interesting. What’s more interesting is this question: “who tf are you to still act like you know it all better..they gave us a sign that we can stop being silenced..are you that blind to see?” Well, to answer it, i happily stay blind for the rest of my life, but you being this stupid & ignorant is much worse and incurable, believe me - because, in fact, that’s not a sign. Calling such a precious & generous act A SIGN is very disturbing, nasty, ugly & just simply unacceptable. Top’s mom uploaded that picture to make us sure: he is okay, he is w/ his loving family & he is celebrating this day calmly just how he deserved. BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN HE IS READY TO COME OUT FROM THE SHADOWS & YALL CAN FINALLY SHOUT EVERY LITTLE SHIT OUT. What really enraged me is that we all should be happy that she was so generous that she gave us a gift - because she could easily decided not to. But because of her we could see him. He is allright & looks so good. But some dumbass justice warriors living in the west side feels obligated to rebel & take this way more seriously as it is and so they can call this as a “sign to finally open our mouth” and even USE TOP’S MOTHER’S NAME AS A PROOF. NO. JUST NO. THIS IS DISGUSTING. THE ONLY GOAL OF THAT PIC IS HER MAKING US SURE THAT TOP IS WELL. NOTHING ELSE. ‘Til top HIMSELF not decide to step in the spotlight again, nothing - i repeat - NOTHING IS A SIGN FOR YALL TO OPEN YALLS NASTY BIG MOUTH TO & TALK BULLSHIT. “he didn't get censored or cropped out anymore.... “ SO WHAT? He still didn’t come out and im pretty sure he had A LOT OF CHANCES TO DO SO SINCE THEN. Now, what do you think why he is hiding ever since? Simply: because he feels he aint ready. And whats funny is that seemingly everyone knows top so well, but as i see, yall aint shit. Its a well known fact that he has mental illnesses - thats why his life is a little bit harder than others’. Another big point here is that he is still serving his military enlistment. Those things are all very huge deciding points & that’s why kvips thought it will be better for every one of us to shut up. Don’t forget that this happened way before the pic, so you cant even use this as a justice card... But of course YOU are the CLEVER ONE that knows everything & everyone else is dumb. Nice try, but next time try harder because it didn’t work :) I mentioned that they act like they know top but in fact, well... it feels like they talk about someone else they dont even know. This sentence probably shows how much: “we are not going to keep silent anymore because THAT might harm him more than anything... “ Said by probably someone that witnessed what happened when everyone opened their nasty mouth even when the poor man liked something on ig & the public started to criticize him - or the recent accidental ice cream picture uploading issue. Literally that’s what caused him more harm than anything: that yall just cant shut the fuck up when yall finally should. Logic?? ZERO. And the cherry on top: “just stop acting like you know better than his own Mum”... Bih... the only one here acting up like she is in the middle of the happenings IS YOU. You dont have to be Einstein to know these basic things abt him & draw the conclusions, you just have to be a decent human being that actually cares. Oh... sorry, i forgot that appeariently you aint one because advertising yourself as a justice warrior is more important than thinking sane. Wow. So good. But you know what really makes me sad? That we can argue on sns abt these, then log on & off like nothing happened, but the only one that suffered & got damaged is not us. Nobody will ever know better than him how hard to live with this, or how he should think twice abt little things like posting a pic, showing face or whatnot - simply because he made a mistake he already paid for. That how he have to face things day & night. Because im pretty sure he started healing slowly, but i have a feeling that it will bother him & still wound him for a long time just to think abt it. That’s why yall should be just happy for what you got & stop acting up. Be a decent, understanding human being without acting a know-it-all brat. Because he still needs time to heal more to finally step out confidently - and intl fans knows half of it. Kvips at least can sense whats best for him. Intl’s? All yall did was telling blatant assumed shit all over the place & never helped the situation - but in fact sometimes it got worse because of it. So now yall can measure the thing that REALLY IS HAPPENING. And not what yall think its right to do at the moment.

[tumblunni]

Bunni continues to play Richard And Alice! Random thoughts and stuff!

* I’m really not good at point and click advantures, so i dunno if my opinion is very valuable, but this one just seems... not good, gameplay-wise. The sections are all different lengths and difficulty levels in each chapter, and not in a fitting way. Like so far the only one where I had to combine two items was the first chapter, it took me ages to figure out what the game wanted me to do with the bedsheets. And then the second chapter had like zero point and click at all, you just had to find one toy brick and stick it to block one hole, then it was just story cutscenes. And now in chapter three we have a suddenly huge snowfield to explore with your painfully slow walk speed, yet there’s only like one thing you need to find and just... I’m getting surprisingly anxious worrying if I missed something cos i only found that one thing! There was a whole section i didnt explore cos i didnt realise you couldnt go back outside after you managed to open the door. And what was with the misdirect of Alice saying ‘maybe i can reach this window if i have something to stand on’ and then instead she just shot off the lock on the door? Does that mean there were multiple solutions to this puzzle and thats why the place was so huge?

* Anyway, the story continues to be intriguingly good! I continue to be really engaged in poor Alice’s journey through this post apocolyptic snow world with her lil son, and I continue to be really worried what happened to that son, since this is a flashback and Alice met Richard alone... Also I like the continuity that Barney is continuing to talk about the close call they had last time with a monsterous bastard who kidnapped them. This poor lil 7 year old is struggling to keep up and struggling to keep smiling so his mum won’t be sad, and its just SO COLD and he doesnt understand why they left ‘the safe house’ because he doesnt understand they were prisoners there. And god, its so sad cos you can understand how Alice might be getting frustrated with him, and you can understand that she KNOWS she’s being irrational, but she’s just so scared that she sucks at keeping up a brave face for her kid. But I think she’s doing a great job, she’s way more of a badass survivor than anyone else would have been in this situation! And Barney is being incredibly good too, he’s being really patient and obedient to his mum and he’s a really considerate kid, he gave his mum his toy car cos she was getting sad remembering when her husband was alive and they used to ���go on adventures’. (”But we’re on an adventure now, mummy!”)

* And MAN I am REALLY WORRIED for this poor kid, he’s been showing signs of getting sick as they were travelling the snowy wasteland and I hope they can at least get a break now they’ve found this abandoned house to sleep in. BUT NOPE! Alice finds mysterious scary notes with some sort of log of... people...? It definately doesnt feel like just someone recording visitors or survivors they met, its got a weird sort of... priorities, to what was written down. ‘Fem. caucasian. 20s. Compliant. 65lbs.’ And then what struck me as especially weird was that someone would classify a kid as ‘Female. age 7. 21 lbs’ instead of like.. actually writing that it was a kid. This is someone seeing these people as.. merchandise. You never really get an answer in this chapter but I think it’s someone who was offering survivors fake shelter and then cannibalising them T_T The chapter just ends with Alice finding an ambiguously scary room with a bloodstain, but this is the only shelter they have, so all she can do is lock the door again so her kid doesn’t see, and barricade the front door in case this cannibal cult comes back for their home base... *shudder*

* But also seriously, why did I collect like five other red herring letters as well as the cannibal one? And a rusty saw and ammo for a different gun. Was that JUST red herrings or did I miss an optional puzzle?

* Its actually a weird relief to get back out of the flashback and back to our slightly-less-horrible horrible situation in present times. Sure, Alice and Richard are locked in prison, but in this apocolyptic scenario its a relief to be somewhere where you get daily food and working electricity. There’s even a tv that only sometimes doesnt work! And they have each other, and they’re building up a nice friendship now, and it just feels quite optimistic. Richard’s even getting a bit of a crush on Alice, even though the attempts at flirting between the two of them are failing horribly cos they’re both total goobers. i dunno, if they do get together in the end, I totally wouldnt mind it! I dont think its really necessary though.

* Aww but the more we learn about everyone’s backstory, the more I really wanna hug em! We still dont know very much about Richard, but we’ve learned now that he had an ‘average childhood’, at least, by his definition. And he lived in some sort of small country town, and he joined the army in order to see more of the world. But it went really badly and he got sent to prison for rebelling against a superior officer who made a clearly immoral order. JUSTICE FOR RICHARD, GRARR!! And then Alice continues to be way more well developed and interesting, even though I do still feel sympathetic for richard, yknow. Just a lil frustrated that it took us so long to even hear that lil bit about him, when he’s supposed to be the ‘main character’. Seriously he seems like just a framing device for us to talk to alice and see her flashbacks! Anyway, now we’ve learned that Alice didn’t have much of a childhood, because she was hospitalized for a long time. And she talks about how she felt like a burden and felt suicidal and how she never even got to make any friends til she grew up and became a lil more healthy, and then she sorta ended up in an unplanned pregnancy with the first man she ever dated, and never had a chance to pursue her dream career and just... wow Alice dear god, someone up there in the heavens hates you! God, I hope this game has an actual happy ending, please! And also it makes me EVEN MORE WORRIED about what happened to her kid, now im starting to worry if maybe he inherited her childhood disease and like.. it only first started manifesting during the apocolypse and she wasnt able to find a doctor in time.. or something... MAN THIS GAME IS GIVING ME A MILLION WAYS THIS SWEET BOY COULD DIE

* Oh but one random complaint... much as I care about Barney, he kinda isnt a very well written character. They fall into a lot of super outdated ‘fake movieverse child’ cliches instead of like.. bothering to listen to what actual kids talk like. He’s always using that fake cutesy talk like ‘i made you a waffle but i eated it’. Its rather jarring! ...but still I WILL DEFEND MY VIRTUAL SON FOREVER dont you dare kill him off just because his dialogue is poorly informalized!

* The next chapter is kinda boring, its not really even a chapter but just an intermission to show us some more gameplay and nothing else. Richard and Alice do nothing but have an awkward fetch quest to find enough stuff to make a pole to reach the termostat outside the jail cell, and then after all that it ends up failing anyway. I guess at least we do get a bit of character development cos we get to see them both frustrated and having a bit of an argument, then making up again, and etc. But meh, bring on the next actual plot flashback!

* “Why does Daddy live in the ground?”

* thats it im done this is how bunni is slain fucking hell

* god, I dunno if I made the right choice but I chose to be honest with the kid and try and explain what death is. I got to hear the backstory of how the dad died, so i THINk that was the right choice? It seems he died back when barney was too young to even really know him. It was at the start of the apocolypse and the family was doing semi okay living in a shared shelter with a bunch of other people. But then it was the start of government aid breaking down and society crumbling, and a gang stole the last food ration pack from them and the dad thought he could reason with them. And its just so sad cos Alice is thinking of all the ways it could have been prevented! ‘We’ve gotten used to surviving with less now, what if we’d just let that food go? we could have lasted’ And what if they’d shot first and asked questions later, instead of trying to be diplomatic. And apparantly back then things were a little less abd so there actually was a trader they could have got more food from, but resources were limited so they decided it wasnt worth it at the time. And the after the gang killed the dad and some of the other leaders of the shelter group, it seems like things just collapsed in a power struggle and thats how Alice ended up alone... And you just have this sad sidequest to gather flowers for his grave and then Barney is all ‘i dont really know him and i dont understand so i feel bad that i cant cry’ and then he’s asking if dead people can hear you from down in the ground. And I picked being honest again, and Alice didnt say yes or no, she just admitted that nobody really knows what happens after you die, and you have to choose what you want to believe. So Barney chooses to try and tell his dad about how they’re having a good day playing in the snow on this adventure, and Alice tells him that Barney’s grown up so big and strong, and Barney says ‘Yeah! Strong like a lion! Or you, daddy!’ and BUNNI’S SOUL SHATTERS INTO A MILLION PIECES

* i am gone i am deceased at this deceaseness aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

* And there’s like an optional note you can find that tells the story about some unnamed kid who was living alone with their friend Lucy and they were trying to survive without any adults to help, and its all SCARILY VAGUE and I hope we get to learn more about them later cos it just says how the same gang who killed the dad was just.. ominously circling around the area and Lucy was acting weird and then dissappeared, with a letter saying she chose to leave for [insert name of far away settlement here] but it was really suspicious and the unnamed kid thinks that the gang was threatening lucy and they must have kidnapped her and faked this note and then the diary just ENDS it just ends with the kid talking about how much they love lucy and cant live without her and we dont know if they found her or if she even really was kidnapped?? ITS SO VAGUE! its so vague that honestly im only just assuming the diary writer was a kid too, i mean maybe they were lucy’s parent or sibling or something? or maybe both them and lucy are older? but the way it was written sounded like they were like early high schoolers or something (then again this game is bad at writing kid characters so maybe not) I MOURN FOR YOU, UNNAMED DIARY PERSON AND LUCY OF MYSTERY

* OH GOD DOOM when it went back to modern day, now its got all mysterious and weird and sad too, AAAARRRGH the heroes are still in prison, but the guards have stopped coming to their cell and theyre stuck here scared and worrying and you dont know if the obvious has actually happened... i mean maybe the prison has been abandoned or everyone died and now they’re stuck here locked in their cell and AAAA eventually the cold will start seeping in and kill them too and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

* okay im gonna go get back to playing this game

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

//what the fuuuuuuuuck??

i feel like i just walked into a different game

-

‘a foreigner’

well 

like

maya is the direct descendant of freakin Mystic Ami 

man i really hate Kooraheen

-

“I wonder if Maya has matured any since the last time I saw her?”

oh they tried, phoenix

they tried

but that shit doesnt fly 

...apparently growing an inch well after you've naturally stopped growing does, though. oh well whatever

MAYAAAAA

-

“its on top of a mountain and its freezing”

“i think i can handle it”

bullshit phoenix youu fucking liar exercise and cold are your least favourite things

-

ahlbi: dont go in there that river is full of souls

phoenix: lol but what if i did

jesus phoenix 

-

all this stuff about prayer has got to be taking the piss

i cant tell if this game is against religion or just... i have no idea

-

“it’s been many a day”

yeah like i dunno just a DECADE 

many a day??????? what the fuck is this

-

“you have to train in Kooraheen because this is where the technique originated”

oh yes, totally not in Kurain, the place Mystic Ami, the founder of the Kurain Channeling Technique, founded. No way. 

-

“all i learnt was to look like a nun”

yeah because youre iN THE WRONG PLACE MAYA

-

“seat-of-you-pants, come-from-behind wins”

UM

-

“ok so it wasnt my finest hour. sue me.”

id marry this man 

-

“yep! completed the full two years!”

wow so i guess the Incredible, Amazing-Special and Highly Spiritual Kooraheeneese training regimen is the equivalent of an associate degree. 

-

“the high priest practically begged me to do it!”

mayas going to jail and he's the killer isn't he. 

-

i love that theyre like “lady keera isn't like the deities we think of from back home; she was a really real person!!”

and its like 

ah

awkward for jesus.

-

I WANT PICTURES OF LADY KEERA! (slams table)

-

“sightings of her go back 2 years!”

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 

-

“you think some regular cosplayer could take on a bunch of guys in costume alone????”

well i mean essentially every super hero is just that so

“thats why she's real!!”

ok, wearing a cloak and kicking a rebel in the balls now makes you a god. you heard it here first guys

-

something about all of this just makes me rly uncomfortable and i cant put my finger on it

-

“can we leave my hair out of this?”

once again phoenix worries more about his hair than... well, being called edgeless i guess 

-

maya’s wearing a robe and she punched a lawyer in the face... i’d say that gets her canonized at least.

-

♫ he's got spurs, that jingle jangle jingle (jingle jangle) ♫

-

“Look! Its Acolyte Zeh’lot!”

me, wincing from the pain of the pun but also yelling: ITS FUCKIN AANG HLY SHIT

-

phoenix wright’s new fun personality gimmicks include: destroying foreign monarchies and having Unexplained Broken Spine Syndrome 

I’d like to think capcom beat him with a gold club while reminding him that most of the oldest living attractive-enough-to-be-a-protagonist people in Ace Attorney are like 40

-

i dont know why but the image of a few brightly coloured monks hauling phoenix’s unconscious ass down a mountain is making me wheeze like nobodys business 

-

ahlbi: miss mayas been arrested!

phoenix: (completely unshocked) what

-

(brutal murder has just occurred)

praying man: do you think we should get up??

praying man #2: nah were just part of the background.

-

ema failed the forensics exam because she continually took fingerprints without consent. confirmed

-

phoenix: i never thought id have to do another trial where the defence was unwelcome

you'd have to quit to achieve that kind of peace, phoenix 

-

“he's calm and kind and almost always has a smile on his face”

correction; he’s haughty, condescending and almost always has a holier-than-thou smirk on his face.

-

theres so much cursing and exploding into flames in Kooraheen.

-

‘iii guess thiiiiis is what its like to live in a deeeeeeply religious society, huuuuuh’

oi

i dont know how to feel about this

-

poor baby faces his least fav things; cold and high

-

oh crap not figure skater princess

oh dear god. this is ominous as fuck. phoenix is just like “that looks like...” and then its just. one huge EXAMINE button followed by her being the only choice.

I'm feeling deeply uncomfortable 

-

“we know the killer is one of your own!”

HER ANCESTOR INVENTED–– AGGHHHNNN never mind

“in my country suspects are innocent until proven guilty”

we’ve all said it once and i’ll say it again

bullshit, capcom

-

“phony baloney” 

-

“tweedledum and tweedledee did a number on her impression of foreigners”

what the fuck does that mean

who the fuck is he referring to

this is the tuna boat all over again

-

“who taught you to demonize a whole group of people anyway”

just sounds really stupid when the “people” in question are lawyers.

-

...is this the kooraheen version of (positive adjective) people

its marginally better than the regular SOJ (positive adjective) people  

-

oh lady Kee’ra is katniss everdeen. she's even got the mockingjay and everything!

-

this reminds me a lot of Bridge

even figure skater princess is a bit like assistant!Franziska. but less amusing.

she’s rather helpful though, to a disgusting scum sucking lawyer like me.

-

idk Kurain village felt a lot more atmospheric than Kooraheen does. I’m not quite sure why... Might’ve been the music (which was awesomely spine-tingling)

but also something about just... the general feel? Like the strict rules of Kurain village felt more claustrophobic and stifling than the almost cartoonish seeming Super Prayer Aesthetic of Kooraheen. (who knows; maybe there are countries that spend 15 hours straight in prayer but idk them) 

maybe Kurain village felt more realistic in that a single town housing nothing but mediums seems within the boundaries of reality, but an entire country completely based upon it does not. 

Kurain felt like a small part of a bigger picture, whereas i feel like Kooraheen is a big picture with nothing much in it.

-

when is a medium-based case not a locked-room mystery???

-

cleared away snow... a broken lantern... gosh!!! THAT... REMIND ME OF SOMETHING

also phoenix taking more pictures is [100 emoji]

-

“almost... boggles the mind...”

he didnt seem scared but his vision did blur

maybe he got 

high

haha h ah hah hah ha

-

a full body poncho is a great fighting outfit

-

i wonder if spider-kee’ra is a fella in disguise 

-

“I wonder if he has amnesia”

either youre sherlock fucking holmes or that was rly forced. he said like 2 words to you.

-

characters who look like theyre gonna shoot u thus far: 

-Precious bobby

-dirty hobo eating lizards

-

mind reading lizard eating hobo

-

hes a power ranger!!!

-

you ask this man, phoenix wright, to move on???

you fool

-

“all my tools were confiscated at the airport”

oh except this HUGE SPRAY BOTTLE OF LIQUID

-

ema: (backhandedly mentions klavier)

me: (clenching fist with a tear in my eye) someday 

-

“Who’d have thought you’d get caught up in something like this? And so far from home?”

phoenix pls

-

“Besides, I thought you’d be used to being the usual suspect by now!”

[wheezes] that was like 3 lines before this unholy contradiction 

-

(cries) the bars are so wide he can hold his pwecious bffs hand thru them

like. if he wanted to.

also the music is surprisingly nice and atmospheric. very subtle and gentle and not an atonal mess like the investigation theme.

-

oh fuck i forgot you were here rayfa

-

maya just called herself a foreigner. fuck you capcom.

-

“ive never eaten anything better in my life”

MAYA HOW COULD YOU FORSAKE BURGERS

NOOOOO

-

fucking fuck rayfa 

she's 

the master

of the kurain

technique 

-

oh i see. she's been keeping her talent a ‘secret’

cant FUCKING WAIT to find out what the bullshit excuse plot twist is!!!

-

“I found this”

and why do you,,,,, still have it maya,,,, while ur in jail

kurain guards suck ass 

-

why did she... bring up the ladder argument 

it came right the heck out of nowhere after she says she's gonna ‘keep it real’ from now on. is she saying that was stupid and frivolous?? damnit fuckin fuck SOJ dont mock the most precious running gag in the series thats poor fuccking taste

-

priest is a rebel isn't he

-

“We’re not in Kansas anymore...” 

could’ve fooled me, y’all

-

“All Abord the Phoenix Freedom Express”

that omnibus sure came a long way...

-

rayfa doesn't speak japanifornian very well, only khumerican.

-

yikes, another ‘examine person’ scenario.

-

“are you she”

..........................phoenix

-

everyone’s so shocked that a woman is communicating with the dead in a country wHICH REVOLVES AROUND COMMUNICATING WITH THE DEADKJ HKFH; GHHL /

-

Wait, Datz isn’t kooraheenese?

-

three hole??????? three hole????? duhhh.... three hole.......... i dont know huhuhuhuuh

-

“theres an unusual custom”

not depicting a religious figures is an unusual custom????? they have got to be taking the piss

-

“I think its stunning!!” so stunning that i will steal the poster hahahaha

-

HSHFGSJK AAAHHH THE PLUMED PUNISHER

KILL IT 

KILL IT WITH FIRE

(weeps in relief)

thank you for.... dousing the pain with the original.... my soul is cleansed.

-

so what if she called herself lovely

she is lovely

let a gal have some confidence in herself, phoenix. 

-

eyyyyy psyche locks and their badass 2013 theme. I'm down for this 

-

a three pronged arrow is such a stupid fucking idea. they do know that the shape of an arrow is designed to go in easily and be difficult to pull out, right?? 

-

 Rayfa knows words like “Meritorious” in English, but not the implicit meaning of Freedom Express. 

-

youve gOT BALLS FOR A LAWYER

THIS GAME CAN GET AWAY WITH “YOUVE GOT BALLS” BUT APOLLO CANT SAY ‘FUCK’????

-

Inga’s like Redd White but less funny. amusing in that he calls phoenix ‘white’. 

also what kind of cigar is he smoking that has wax on the end??? that cant be healthy

[survivorindia]

Creepy random asshole who appears randomly at the beginning and then disappears. - Kendall (Episode 12)

https://youtu.be/cN6UaKTHxUA Ok heres what I want everyone to know. IM THE MOST PARANOID PERSON IN THE FUCKING WORLD. AND I CAN READ PEOPLE VERY WELL. AND I THINK I HAVE GONE MENTALLY INSANE BUT AT THE SAME TIME I FEEL FUCKING AMAZING! If yall think that I am going to go home 9TH! place! NINTH FUCKING PLACE by the hands of the seasons biggest buffoons than yall dont know me very well HUH. Lexi g, kendall and I made an alliance chat today and it sat so good with me. I was like omg yas we finally have someone (Kendall and I) We finally do! ... Then I got the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach and it was just something that did not sit right. I couldnt put my finger on it. I knew robin and alexis were voting me tn, and people have been after me hard core...since...well...before merge and the fact that Im sitting here in single digits is fucking surreal. Im probably going home soon.....SO WOULDNT IT MAKE SENSE FOR SOME ONE TO FLIP!? WOULDNT IT? I MEAN. IF I WAS IN ANYONE ELSES SHOES. I would make sure as FUCK to get me out. This is not cocky but like....im still here after how many fucking attempts? Which is why I think ash and lexi g are voting me out..OR GOING AGAINST me so thats both lexis, robin and ashley But lets look at the facts of why I think theyre going against me No one talks to me all day, except for alex and kendall. Interesting. Lexi G, plays lost puppy like no one cared about her in her alliance. Interesting. Ashley is being short with me. HM. Go on call with Lexi G, feel like abosoLUTE SHIT AND I KNOW SHES LYING TO ME, Lexi mentions ashley on call but backtracks and im like..........................oh my fucking god. !!! THEN HERE COMES THE STORM: I tell kendall ashley is voting me out, they make a chat, i tell kendall to add lexi g, this is secretly a test to see if my suspicions are true AND 5 MINS AFTER THE CHAT IS MADE ASHLEY ASKS ME WHY I THINK IM VOTING HER OUT LOLOLOLOLOLOLO FUCK OFF\ [6:17:53 PM] Sarah: ashley [6:17:57 PM] Sarah: can u just be honest [6:17:58 PM] Sarah: with me [6:17:59 PM] Sarah: like [6:18:01 PM] Sarah: legit [6:18:04 PM] Sarah: idc that ur voting me [6:18:07 PM] Sarah: but like [6:18:12 PM] Ashley Hudson: I am not voting you. [6:18:13 PM] Sarah: ive been NOTHING but straight up [6:18:17 PM] Sarah: like IT WOULD MAKE SENSE [6:18:25 PM] Sarah: I would do it if I were u [6:18:31 PM] Ashley Hudson: it wouldn't make sense I THINK IVE GONE INSANE BUT LIKE I HAVE A GUT FEELING I JUSY KNOW AND I HOPE ITS RIGHT OTHERWISE ASHLEYS GONNA HATE MEEEEE Ashley: you have been like my #1 this whole time why would I throw that away me thinking: YOU LITERALLY GOT "WHO DO U FORGET IS STILL PLAYING THIS GAME" IN TOUCHY SUBJECTS OF FUCKING COURSE YOU WANT TO MAKE A BIG MOVE IDC IF I GO HOME BY ROCKS IDFC BUT LIKE WHY DO THESE BITCHES THINL IM FUCKIJG STUPID IVE BEEN SAYING THIS ALL GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 NOW FOR THE HOME LANDING: Ashley: you have been like my #1 this whole time why would I throw that away you are the one that is aligned with Kendall, and I guess want Lexi G in on that? that's cool. #CONFIRMED LEXI G AND ASHLEY FLIPPED CONFIRMED AHDHDOIFHJSDOI;FKJSDF WHY WOULD ASHLEY KNOW ABOUT THAT OTHER THAN LEXI G FUCK OFF WERE GOING TO ROCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKS! SEE U ON THE OTHERSIDE BITCHES

The detailed account of my evil plan of which I shown to the Samantha that I had purchased-

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FC9bUbYixYpVNdOA6LwrnUhXryI4Bo3tnWLVqB4RgMY/edit

You know, I think I finally get it. I think I finally understand Sarah, Jordan, and even Gavin. Allow me to elaborate. Unless you have been drunk for this entire season, it is well known fact that we were surrounded by Pathological Liars. I'm not saying that to be a judgmental asshat, I came to this conclusion via unbiased observation. Jaiden.... Dom.... Ruben.... What do all these people have in common? If you said they had a dick, yes but that's not the point I'm trying to make. At one point or another someone on my side tried to reach out to them and be all like "Hey let's work together because no one would suspect it," Jaiden/Dom/Ruben would agree and not even five minutes after they make the vow, they would go out of their way to get those three out. Whether they expose them, give them false information, or just talk shit; these guys would always take advantage of the trust they were given and go out of their way to make a messy as fuck tribal. And after everything has gone to shit what do they do? They come crawling back like their battered wives and be like "Hey let's work together". And the same shit keeps happening over and over again. Until they get voted out. I almost fell into that cycle in the case of Robin but luckily my personality, which is one of a vengeful emotionally stunted woman child, prevented it from happening after she revealed me to Gavin. But I think I'm about to fall into it again... though this time with Lexi L. Lexi L. is a fascinating individual, without Gavin around, she appears to be a more rational and calculating kind of player. Given the right tools, I think she could make some sort of impact on the game. Plus her sense of humor is amazing! I really really want to keep her around and not just because I have a death wish or because I am bored. I think she could be a useful tool for my quest for world domination.... well game domination... If I learned anything from ORGs, this one in particular, it's that the truth doesn't really matter. Everyone has already crafted their own stories in their head, one's where they are the super heroes or the super villains, maybe even the damsel in distress. Even if the truth is shown right in their face, people refuse to accept it, instead finding refuge in their earlier perceptions. I think that's why the whole edgic thing is so popular, it falls in line with this kind of thinking. The story I want to "create" is an underdog story. One where the villain is Lexi L and the reluctant hero is myself. Lexi L takes out everyone I am aligned with, everyone who is considered a threat, and then at the final 4 or maybe the final 5, I behead the dragon. I promise I am not doing this to fuel my own ego nor do I have any real delusions of grandeur. I know and accept the fact that I'm not some messiah archetype, hell I'm not even the satan archetype. I'm more like the creepy random asshole who appears randomly at the beginning and then just sort of disappears. The thing is, they don't know that. All I need to do is to make them think the opposite of that fact. Plus if I do that Sarah, Alex and Gavin won't hate me forever! Which would be great because I like all of them very much and don't think I'll be able to handle their hatred. Now that I think about it, they'll probably hate forever after reading this..... Why am I putting this down in the confessionals again? Oh right because I went this entire season without gloating about some evil plan and it's starting to feel very weird. I think I want to work with Lexi L to make this happen. I want us to craft a story in which the hero and villain fight to the death... but I'm probably going to leave that part out if I ever pitch it to her. On paper this sounds like a good idea but only if you didn't read my first couple paragraphs... I have no sure way to control her. What I am I supposed to do rely on her benevolence and friendship? That is a terrible incentive for loyalty, I mean look at right now, I am literally plotting to destroy my own alliance. And the only thing that is supposed to stop me is the power of 'friendship' or 'showmance' or whatever... Clearly this isn't working! All it's doing is making me feel mildly guilty and paranoid. Another thing that's stopping me is the past. If one goes through my previous confessionals from previous games, you'll see they all have one thing in common. Well two things if you count the idol fucking... Every time I tried to flip or make a #bigmood, bad things follow. Don't believe me? Malaysia: Tried to help Mitchell, got voted out by everyone and their mothers. Rebels versus Rogues: Tried to help out Simon, got idol out. Technotits: Tried to help out little AJ, ended up voted out unanimously... again! I may be dumb enough to fall for the same thing three times in a row but not a forth! I mean, I think. Cause I already gave Lexi L. the map we've been using to find the vote negator, places we looked included. For all I know, she already showed it to Gavin, Alex, Ashley, and Liam. I'm not as concerned with Sarah cause I already told her but I'm not sure if one vote will make much of a difference. I don't want Lexi L. to be my Jaiden or Dom or Ruben, all that will really do is hinder me. But I want to do this plan so badly! If it seems like I wasted your time with a pointless subplot, chances are I have and I am almost sorry. I swear it's like nobody can make a decision on their own! Like it takes ten billion years for anything to get done! LIKE UGGGHHHHHHHHHH Also I think we found out what the opal idol does. And it's from Hellwaii so we hate it based on instinct.  Also now Sarah actually wants to vote out Gavin and I don't know how I feel about that...  I mean I can save her probably but should I? Because I don't think it's in my best interest to cheat a group of people who have my back over a group of complete strangers who don't.  On the other hand if I just be a good little puppy and tattle on her and save everyone, would it make a difference? I'll just be following the same path I have been trying to escape...  I know I know this is almost exactly what I asked for but I need the option to go back if things get to heavy. I adore Sarah but I shouldn't drop everything just because she asks me too.... The Gavin's plan was to have 4 vote for Lexi and 3 vote for Robin. Sarah is one of the Lexi votes so if I could convince her to flip and make it a  three three three vote (Lexi, Robin, Gavin) then we can flip with other Lexi and nobody will know it was us... Oh wait now it turns out that they want her out. Again, what did she do to piss these people off? I should probably stop editing in real time and actually submit this damn thing 

Well everything has gone to hell. I'm pretty sure Sarah has gone insane, she keeps saying that Ashley and Lexi G. are trying to get her out but refuses to explain why. She said it was a gut feeling and I guess, despite how psychotic she may sound, she could be right. Ashley isn't exactly close with any of us and was pretty crestfallen that she was picked out as most forgettable in touchy subjects. So her flipping would make sense. Lexi G is... well she has been going on and on with the woe is me crap and I almost bought into it. Fuck I actually did buy into it for like the past week and a half. There is just something off about her... like even someone like me could sense it. Right after Sarah told Lexi G that she was flipping the vote to Robin, the news started to get upset in the main chat. And honestly, I don't begrudge them for it. I mean, it seems like every time something would go their way something else would go in and stop them. They swap fuck Sarah and Ashley, we send them idols, Jaiden finds an idol, the hosts blurt it out in the VL, They finally get someone to flip to their side, SARAH GOES APE SHIT INSANE. If stuff like this happened to me on a day to day basis I would probably have a similar reaction. Hell I did have a similar reaction in Malaysia, though I was more mopey and passive aggressive. Also some chick named Julia (I think it's the magical one but I'm not really sure?) might be harassing Lexi L. And the hosts are allegedly talking shit about the contestants, the newbies in particular, and that's kind of messed up. Lexi L seems to be on the verge of quitting or she is just playing it up for our pity, at this point I really don't know. Like I want to empathize with her and the other contestants but I don't honestly know whether or not I should. Like sometimes it seems like there is layer after layer beneath them and every time I think I find a genuine emotion of some kind it turns out to be a lie. Like this shit happened all the time in High School, I don't exactly want to relive it in here. I know this differs from my usual calculating yet spacey confessionals about conspiracy theories or how weak I am but this is supposed to be fun, not just for me and my allies but for everyone around us. We should be enjoying coming up with strategies and trying to fight each other. We should be talking and having fun but we aren't... everyone seems to genuinely hate each other. And any reach across the aisle is seen as some sort of threat. I liked being friends with Robin, I liked talking to Lexi L about the 100 and other things, fuck I even liked talking to Jaiden and his day to day life. I didn't want to betray them or be mean to them, even when I talked shit in confessionals I mostly did it for my own amusement. Yeah things are going well but I can't help but feel like this is undeserved. Like power came at the cost of everyone else's enjoyment. It's like the final battle with Master Hand in Super Smash Bros Brawl. You go through all these stages against the master hand, from beginning stages to the end but then... he just turns into an orb. He doesn't fight back, he doesn't do anything he just lies there waiting to be defeated. If this is all just an elaborate ploy to get us to lower our guards then seriously fuck you. I hate it when my emotions over power my brain and if you guys did it on purpose that is a new fucking low. It's not smart it's not clever it's just unnecessary cruelty and I hate you for it. But if it's the truth... then I'm sorry.

Well Sarah decided to play her Ruby Idol... I am probably fucked... Well if I go home know that I am not going to stop spamming the confessional because fuck you that's why.

Well Sarah decided to play her Ruby Idol... I am probably fucked... Well if I go home know that I am not going to stop spamming the confessional because fuck you that's why. Well, Haven't made on of these in a while. Oops. So the game is going okay, Sarah and I are working together pretty closely. Though she usually lives up to her villain title so I will forever be on guard with her. Gavin and I are still okay I guess, I think he might be getting closer to the other "side" or he just is getting closer to Alex, who knows. Pretty much our group is me, Sarah, Gavin, and Alex, from what I can see right now. We haven't talked much in that chat because we are still working with the bigger group but as number dwindle I can see us talking much more in our alliance chat. I am not too salty about Jordan leaving (A while ago, I know) but I do miss his strategic ways. We just did touchy subjects, and I didn't receive the answers that I usually get, which is cool because I am trying to play this game a bit different than I usually do. In fact, I got the "who do you forget is playing?" Majority vote. Yeah, that would be because I am doing shit behind y'all's back, duh. I think by the end of this game, my stance as a "hero" will not quite be true anymore and I am excited. Should be interesting.

Alright, so I found the negator that my whole alliance has been looking for. But tbh I ain't going to tell them because it could come in handy for my game later. I don't want the game to end up being just my alliance and have my ass end up on the bottom unable to do anything so hopefully to shake things up later I can keep that I have the negator under wraps. Maybe they will "forget" I am even a person that could have it. ;)