#and if i did they were usually ppl who disagreed with me

[snekdood]

i feel like u shouldnt be allowed to say someone has an ideology if they dont even know wtf you're talking about

[the-somwthing]

To the few people who read my scott/joel posts and said they were thinking of making their own posts about it: hell yea go onwards soldier

[fordtato]

I just finished watching your Ford video, I loved it ! I usually don't take so long to watch videos like that but uni has been kicking my ass and I wanted to make sure I could really listen to what you were saying instead of just putting it on in the background. I went in a little apprehensive because of the "NPD?" in the thumbnail, and was mentally preparing myself for some weapons-grade oof-dom, but I think you handled it well. (1/4)

Personally, as someone who has BPD and is close to many ppw/NPD, I think Ford is good NPD representation. His reliance on outside validation, ego compensating for massive insecurity, massively idolizing those he looks up to and that idolization vanishing in an *instant* when they don't match his beliefs about them (this can be an NPD thing!), fantasies of fame and fortune, identity disturbance (defining himself as one thing and one thing only), (2/?)

all that coupled with his history of a rocky relationship with self-definition and conditional praise from authority figures screams NPD to me. This isn't all in the DSM, but it's def part of living with NPD. And I think it's a good thing! Like you mentioned, the fact he has these traits and still gets a happy ending is wonderful. To me, such an NPD-coded character still being shown to love his family, to do what's right, to make amends, shows that these disorders don't make us monsters. (3/?)

The fact that his NPD traits have a clear origin shows how so often cluster B personality disorders are born of fear, trauma, and regrets (not always, but a lot of the time). People think cluster Bs are just born "evil," so the fact we can essentially see the evolution of Ford's traumagenic NPD is something I rather like. (4/?)

You don't have to agree with the headcanon. I just wanted to share something from the perspective of someone with a cluster B disorder who also knows many ppw/NPD, since in the video you mentioned a lack of those voices. It's not just egotypicals making these headcanons, we like them too ! (5/5, sorry abt all the asks!)

----------------

Thanks for weighing in! No problem about all the asks, it's an interesting read (and sorry about the late response!)

I will say that (also speaking as someone with BPD), I still don't quite think the headcanon is one of mine, but I am glad that other ppl with cluster B disorders resonate with it (though, of course, I do know that there are a couple of ppl with NPD that I know who dislike the way the headcanon is discussed or who disagree with it - yada yada no community is a monolith and all that).

That part of my video was very difficult to write, but I am glad that I did alright with the subject matter.

To reiterate for people who might not have seen the video, my issue with the NPD headcanon is not so much the headcanon itself and whether or not it applies to Ford, but the ways that some people discuss how and if it applies. There are so many posts and comments by people (who may or may not have cluster B disorders - no way to know), saying things like "Ford doesn't care about others and acts selfishly and only uses others as tools - I headcanon him as having NPD and lacking empathy for this reason" and it veers into ableism really quickly. In the video, I compare it to 2015-era headcanons that Ford would be abusive to Dipper and Mabel because he is "paranoid" and thinks they're working with Bill, a headcanon that also veers into considering those with mental illness as being inherently dangerous. I think headcanoning Ford as having any mental illness or condition is fine, but people need to be careful in the ways they talk about it, because (in the context of the Stan Wars we saw in 2015-16), it can quickly veer into the territory of leveraging the symptoms of mental illness to win fandom wars or to characterize our blorbos, and we often don't consider where that leaves REAL people with these conditions.

I explain this all better in the video then I am here, in an off-the-cuff response to an ask, but hopefully that summarizes my feelings clearly.

[velvetvexations]

I feel like a lot of the trans women saying that masculinity/manhood is always rewarded in everyone because patriarchy often forget that the opposite is true, actually, for people who are seen as women/put in the "woman" category.

Because yes, trans women are usually forced into manhood and "rewarded" for being men, and punished for being women. But that's not because manhood is universally rewarded in everyone, but because partriarchy sees having been born with a penis as "man".

It also sees being born with a vagina as "woman", and every deviation from that is *also* punished.

Yes, people who are seen as women/girls may have more freedom in expression of gender (depending on where they are from. I hate when ppl act like people afab everywhere can just dress like men without punishment. There are so many countries with laws on what "women" (and those treated as women because of their agab) can wear, and if anyone believes for one second that breaking these laws is REWARDED in any way, they're so fucking deep in their own head and need to talk to someone from these countries) but that freedom was fought for by feminists! Feminists have fought to be simply just allowed to wear pants. It's ridiculous to look at how it is now (in the western world) and make conclusions on that without looking at *why* it is that way now and how it was before.

And people are usually expected to grow out of their tomboy-"phase" by the time they reach their late teens, or early twenties at latest, and become a feminine woman, wife, and mother. If you don't do that, your masculinity gets punished.

And the masculinity of people afab is also only (begrudgingly) accepted (in SOME places in the world) as long as they're still visible as women or girls and their masculinity is hot and serves cishet men. As soon as they step "too far" out of these roles (by being non-binary or men, or being "ugly", fat, or anything that would make them "undesirable"), their masculinity gets punished. Horribly.

It's really infuriating when (trans)radfem trans women try to act like their experiences are universal and whenever someone says something that disagrees with them, they must be lying or "delusional" (yay, ableism! so progressive /s) for thinking that they were, in fact, punished for their masculinity or manhood...

Sorry for unloading this on you, didn't know where else to put it. And thank you so much for listening.

I think a major issue here is that no matter how much we try to reason things out and work through why they act the way they do, radical feminism, trans or cis, ultimately comes down, at some point, to a deliberate decision to prioritize egocentrism and their own desires over seeing other people as real, actual people - not even other transfems, who they just sexualize and try to control, or call a TERF if they can't. And it's hard to reason with that.

Like, they have to know on some level that they hyperinflate trans women in particular being "socially murdered"* to use as social capital and terrorize younger** transfems into isolating themselves. Maybe a very long time ago for some of them it came from the distress they felt from the legitimately immense danger transfems face in a variety of contexts, but they've shot far beyond that now and just don't really care. They've built a cage of unreality around themselves that makes me feel like I'm talking to aliens.

Like the other day, I was talking to one who insisted that the tee-em-ees will not show up for me. Like, I said they did, and she said they won't, and I was like, but they DO! They have! Always! I've seen it with my own eyes, directly for me specifically! But it was just "who hurt you," "let yourself be angry," "don't settle for just scraps," "they won't treat you better if you throw yourself at their feet," "social murder," and it's like WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? ARE YOU HAVING A STROKE? WAS THIS A DREAM YOU HAD?

And what about the deliberately cruel fuckery, the constant derision of the most petty things like forcemasc? What the fuck do they get out of wrongly asserting that women are never punished for masculinity and never have a problem with being viewed as masculine, like why are they doing that, what is their goal? Because it seems like it's literally just "mock and invalidate the sexual interests of others and deem it an inferior copy of our thing."

What do they get out of misgendering cis and trans men for forcefem funsies and telling them to suck it up? They don't really believe that their forcefem joke is the only thing that might make an egg crack. That's extremely obviously a lie. They're doing it because they want to, because it's their kink, because they don't care about the feelings of other people, and they can use transmisogyny as a convenient defense when people ask them to moderate literally any of their behavior for the comfort of everyone else to literally any extent while demanding everyone else shut up and defer to them on every single topic in every single situation.

And this stuff with D20 and Ophiuchus and the transmasc character being treated better? A lie. Just fully making it up. Inventing it. Fabricating it. For attention.

I've never had one acknowledge it when I've tried to explain that I first learned about all of this from transmasc friends bringing it to me so they could defer to my opinion.

They're determined to stay like this. It sucks.

*truly a phrase that makes me livid to even think about now, they reduce it to about the same level of seriousness as forcefem jokes, every single time it's so thoughtlessly hollow and self-obsessed but you could guess that from it being a fair description of every thought they externalize

**let me make this clear, I'm referring to young adults, I am not accusing anyone of being predatory towards minors nor am I saying the motivations are necessarily sexual anyway, although clearly transradfems don't care about the effect their hyperbole will have on the mental health of minors exposed to it and trained from a young age to never trust anyone, so underage transfems are very much a concern here, but not in the sense that they're being directly and personally abused in any way

[lord-squiggletits]

i know i’m late to the conversation—i just watched the movie this month—but i feel compelled to say this because i was genuinely shocked (still am) to see that the overwhelming takeaway for many viewers was the "d-16/megatron was right" bs. while it’s understandable to sympathize with his anger and grief, justifying his actions in the end or framing them as entirely right feels so deeply misguided. what surprised me even more was the tendency to shift the blame on orion/optimus, as though he was solely responsible for d-16’s downfall. it’s disheartening to see orion/optimus being villainized so much. his efforts to reason with d-16 came from a place of desperation and hope, as he tried to prevent the escalation of violence. at that point, d-16 had already begun to spiral into his unchecked rage, disregarding the safety of those around him. to see that nuance overlooked, with orion being faulted for a situation that was far beyond his control (the whole "don't be like sentinel" thing is often used to shit on op lol), is genuinely baffling.

while i love that the movie showed the tragedy of d-16’s arc and even empathize with his situation, painting his actions as justified—and vilifying orion/optimus in the process—feels like a misreading of the movie’s core message. sorry but i was so happy to see your post about the movie, it was tiring to see so many 'megatron was right about this and that' comments.

Oh man if you're new to this fandom, you really ought to know that this place is full of people who glorify terrorism and war in the name of "justified revolution" and it doesn't really matter what Dee/Megatron does or how horrible/over-the-top it is, he's oppressed or he's mentally ill or he's just plain upset which means that everything he does is justified and questioning him makes you evil.

It's so funny because I hoped for sure that a continuity where both OP and Megatron were working class individuals before the war would reduce this kind of shit take (compare to something like archivist/librarian OP and gladiator Megs in TFP or CBV, or cop OP and miner Megs in IDW1), but unfortunately this fandom literally still found a way to blame Orion for everything even though he suffered the exact same things Dee did..... and furthermore Orion literally was the rebel challenging the system compared to Dee who wanted to keep his head low and not cause trouble so honestly at this point I just think the fandom (and somehow new fans whose first exposure to TF is this movie) purely sides with Megatron on everything as either a knee-jerk reaction or some misguided attempt at being counterculture and intelligent.

People get sooooo mad when you tell them that unbridled rage and killing everyone who disagrees with you isn't a good social/political strategy, but then again this is a problem that is universal to humanity and not just the Transformers fandom. It's just a shame that so many people looked at a movie that blatantly spells out what the moral of the story is, and has all of the protagonists be working class oppressed people fighting against a tyrannical system, and their takeaway from it is still basically "fascism is okay if you're mad enough about it and if your friends try to stop you it's a sign that they're centrist liberals who think punching Nazis makes you as bad as a Nazi." It's childish black-and-white thinking masquerading as critical literary analysis.

And at this point people pretty much just don't give a shit about Orion/Optimus and will find a way to make him the villain no matter what the context is, no matter if he also has feelings or if he also deserves to be respected/listened to/validated as Megatron's long-time (possibly lifelong) friend. If ppl look at the way Dee treated Orion and their other friends and DON'T see what was concerning about that then there's really no saving them until they deradicalize a little and learn what usually happens when "kill all the bad people until society is a utopia" is implemented as a governing party's primary strategy.

[stardustdiiving]

Got tagged by @/kanonavi! 20 fanfic writer questions thing

1. How many fics do you have on AO3?

UMMM. I think around 13 probably. I anon or orphan a lot of old stuff

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

32.2k words…probably at least an extra 10k in orphaned stuff though

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Its been solely genshin since 2022. Usually something needs to be a primary tier fandom hyperfixation for me to even think about writing fanfic for it , and then even then I rarely finish more than 1-3 fics for it. Genshin broke this streak bc something shifted in my brain and I’ve finished around a dozen things for it somehow

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1) source of inspiration (genshin — makoto, ei, wanderer character study) — 541 kudos

2) better days (genshin — zhongli & xiao erosion fic) — 254 kudos

3) Pattern Recognition (genshin — wanderer & Nahida sickfic) — 254 kudos

4) are you happy? (genshin — postcanon wanderer & nahida) — 142 kudos

5) marvel fic I wrote when I was 15 — 97 kudos

The 1st and 3rd most kudoed fics were actually the first genshin fic I wrote + the first and only bnha fic I wrote when I was 16 but they don’t count because they’re like my disowned children who I should probably orphan but don’t in case I want the option to delete them? I feel they were made before I really processed how to characterize the characters n what sector of fanon I wanted to contribute to, so they’re really like, generic fandom tropey to me and vastly different compared to how I usually write in a way I find kind of unbearable. I am really deliberate in my art n writing in trying to appeal to my own specific n niche fandom tastes so to help me find a similar crowd of people to hang out with and am usually pretty successful in nailing the niche. But for these fics it feels I not only didn’t try to target my own tastes I somehow managed to write something I feel only people who like the fanon I actively don’t vibe with would like ?!? I have no idea how that happened!

it would be if I somehow managed to write a hat radish fic that had “maternal Nahida and her edgy teen son Wanderer” written all over the characterization as if this is not fanon I actively dislike and a lot of how I write hat radish is often motivated by me trying to fulfill my own preferences because I find them in conflict with a lot of fic I read about them? JSDJDNDJ. Itd be like. Where did that come from. How was this written by me. Its one thing to not like my work but how do I have a finished thing I fundamentally disagree with on all grounds that make up my interest in why I may want to write fic about a certain thing in the first place. Disowned child moment

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

YEAH always even if I’m slow too. This is an extension of my habit with my art I usually always respond to every comment on my work I get even if it just feels like me repeating thank you over and over bc i like to acknowledge people who r interested in what I’m doing as much as possible to convey I appreciate it. I think it’s always helped in building a sense of community/connection w ppl which is what I’m more interested in as opposed to quantity of interactions

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Idk why this keeps happening but at least half my fics fall under “bittersweet” to “hurt no comfort” territory because I . Hmm. love character study that invokes complicated or ambiguous emotions. I think that’s the trend here

Id probably nominate someone to watch me die?. Its a xiaoven fic that was born out of me being interested portraying a xiaoven dynamic that felt at least somewhat believable characterization wise but pitched studying how venti & xiao’s deep rooted issues could clash with each other in a relationship in a way that’s rlly accidental and tragic when put with their feasible compatibility n care for each other. I have it on anon bc I have weirdly mixed feelings for it bc it feels like a xiaoven fic that probably appeals to any faction of xiao or venti fan who isn’t big on xv far more than a xv shipper

But idk how to advertise it as that bc it’s not like that audience would be in the xv tag?? and it’s specifically romantic xv so it categorically should be there. But it being in the tag feels weirdly hostile to me. I guess I feel it comes off as a fic that exists to be kinda contrarian and hostile to most ppls enjoyment of xiaoven but that wasn’t my intention :( it was made out of my own enjoyment of xiaoven….i just process romance weirdly and I think am more down with ship fic where the ship is kinda depressingly dysfunctional more than other ppl may be. I like the fic quite a bit but I just don’t feel it has a place to Go fandom environment wise

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I HAVE. no idea I feel like no fic I have up leaves off with emotions that are meant to be solely happy. The closest I get is bittersweet . Um. The scripted end of pattern recognition would take this spot but it like. Doesn’t exist yet (but it will…soon…..w)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

HM. I don’t think I ever have. Probably in part I don’t write enough for it

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Look at this shrimp 🦐

10. Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've ever written?

I actually love fandom crossovers as indulgent thinking exercises but I usually never get indulgent enough to write fic about it. However I did write a 30k Steven universe gravity falls crossover where the GF characters were SU gems in 2 months when I was 12 and I have no idea how I did that but it was crazy. Thats still the longest thing I’ve written . It was so much

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nah

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Someone translated a fan comic of mine I made when I was 13 a few times but never a fanfic iirc

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Surprisingly no!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I do shipping in such a weird specific way. My go to answer for this is bakudeku bnha but I kind of lose all feeling for a hyperfixation after it ends most of the time so I don’t really…actively like it…sort of….but it’s also a vague ride or die thing to me…it’s complicated… the fandom environment for it is so unrecognizable to me since I was into bnha idk how to talk to people about it anymore particularly the new generation of fans. I don’t really like actively Ship them in a fandom way but fictional romantic relationships that r very influential to me are Pearlrose Steven universe and Anthy/Utena from rgu

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I mainly just want to finish pattern recognition and I think I will. Ummm. Usually if I don’t finish something it’s bc I just lost interest in seeing it finished

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think people usually like my characterization especially in terms of like, exploring or pitching certain aspects/interpretations of a characterization . Like I feel people usually respond specifically with like “wow interesting characterization. Im adding that to my system of beliefs” this applies to both funny headcanons and more serious character portrayals.

I feel I’m also usually decent at atmosphere and invoking more visceral emotions when needed especially when the emotions in question are like. Mental Illness Monologues (tm) or jarring panic/fear/discomfort idk

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I. struggle. SO bad with like. Organizing how to execute all the thoughts I want conveyed in writing, especially the order of hie things should flow. If I want to hit on multiple traits of a characterization I’m doing for ex I have a hard time figuring out how to order it into a cohesive thing. This is kicking my ass with my oc comic story rn

I also have a hard time with subtlety & trusting my writing to speak for itself. I usually have very detailed thoughts on what I want to communicate and have to do a lot of shifting around to find a balance of feeling things are conveyed clearly enough to be caught onto and interpreted but not overexplained. Its not even a matter of feeling I need to dumb stuff down it feels more like me trying to write emotional analysis of writing I find interesting before doing the writing that would be Fun To Analyze. This is kind of the torture labyrinth when usually all I want to write is emotional subtlety and naunce

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Idk my usual rule is I don’t like when it feels forced. I feel I see it used with ship pet names a lot but as someone who doesn’t get the appeal of pet names conceptually it’s often almost a dealbreaker for me in fics if it feels forced in to be cute , and is not something I can realistically imagine character A doing for character B. Like it just wigs me out. I have no idea why I get such a strong reaction out of it

But I’m really on board when it feels like people pulling from their own experiences with being bilingual or sharing a similar background with the character. When it feels intuitive I rock it as fleshing out the character’s background and people really understanding the societal background and environment the characters exist in

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I have no idea actually omg. Especially in terms of what was first published

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Idk I don’t really enjoy my writing? Often when i finish a piece of writing I am usually satisfied I’ve executed an idea or communicated The Things but I’m not actively happy or proud of anything. Its like talking to me. I talk for myself and based off I want to say but overwhelmingly talking is for communicating with Other People so once it leaves my brain my experience with its existence ends and now it’s all about other people’s experience. This somehow does not apply to my visual artwork where part of the motivation to create it involves how my experience with it continues after its completion

Ummm. I guess my intuitive answer to the question is Pattern Recognition in the sense I feels it Conveys The Most I want to convey about a subject. But it’s also like the fic I cant stand to read the most and doing so is usually an ocd trigger too. Its complicated. I very much write for myself and my own interests and i never force myself to do so but having favorites or enjoying my work just feels incompatible with my brain somehow. And somehow this does not discourage me from writing at all

[hoziersong]

hey, you were saying that you don't think izzy should've died and that you didn't agree with his character arc for reflected upon reasons. is it okay to ask what those reasons are? you just always have interesting opinions about tv and i'd love to know about this one

oh hi! well i'm happy to share my thoughts since you asked so politely lol i just didn't share them earlier bc when there's discourse ppl act so vile sometimes

anyways. izzy hands huh. multi-faceted, complicated, very intense character. let me begin by saying the fact that david jenkins and con o'neill managed to do a total 180 on izzy in terms of how the audience reacted to him between s1 and s2 without fundamentally ruining his character is astounding!! i think the whole point of izzy has always been the fact that he's a man who tends to hold on too tight to the stuff that gives him a semblance of safety (even though that stuff is usually pretty traumatic lol) and across s2 we see him slowly loosening his grip on blackbeard. the fact that it was precisely blackbeard's brutal return that made izzy realize both him and ed were in too deep really just adds to how awesome the writing was this season.

and now, just to clarify: i didn't say i disagreed with his character arc, but with the way it was executed. as in, i think izzy's journey was perfectly well written and acted out by con (please give that man an award), and up until the finale it was actually very well executed!! it's the last plot device that i disagree with.

killing off izzy was a bold choice, and a very common way in which writers both show redemption and pull poignant reactions from the audience, which is ultimately what any show strives for!! for the audience to feel deeply about certain characters or stories. i think ppl have forgotten that and focused so much on wanting everything to be emotionally "clean" and lacking of controversy. guys!! the whole of fiction isn't supposed to cater to everyone!! that's why it's fiction!! it can be manipulated by creators and audience alike and each individual piece is supposed to be different. if you don't like emotional ups and downs in the media you consume that's understandable, but don't condemn the pieces of media that do have it. simply don't watch if you don't like it. i personally like these feelings, the ugly, and the dirty, and the unfair, and the painful, the human!!! it's part of the experience and they did it well this season.

even with that in mind though, i think death was only one of the many options through which they could've symbolized izzy finally letting go of blackbeard and the toxicity that name represented for all of them. i get how 'i wanna go' as a show of the deliberate decision izzy is making to escape from the emotional turmoil of ruthless piracy is trying to make his death seem like a way for him to rest, but. it's a pretty definitive rest and i think it wouldn't have been necessary, considering that one of the main things izzy learns this season is that you can spend years in a terrible environment but it's still never too late to pursue something softer for yourself and for the people you love. he says it, too: 'it's about belonging'.

as much as it is understandable to have wanted to take the way of the tragic and unexpected, for the sake of impact and to heighten the significance of what izzy has become this season, it would've been nice to see him stare at a long, happy future with the new family he's acquired aboard the revenge. ed let go of blackbeard without it meaning he had to renounce to the rest of his life for it, why couldn't izzy? it would've been wonderful to see all those years of life experience as a pirate reconcile with the reality that they're not dependent on isolating yourself from others. for izzy to have become captain, or even frenchie's first mate, would've been an excellent seal to his story, even leaving a future full of possibility to further explore how his character gets acquainted with his new way of looking at the world.

izzy put it that way: it is about letting go of ego for something larger. and his death can mean many things simultaneously, but it can also mean that without his ego he couldn't live. which. i do disagree with, so.

i don't know!!! i just think about it many different ways!! like in this post specifically i chose to see it under a different light than what i'm currently writing, and neither of those opinions cancel each other out; they can coexist!! that's the fun thing about fictional media interpretation!! it's also why we have devices like fanfiction and fanart and meta!! the fact that something played out in a specific way on screen doesn't mean it's set in stone as something good or bad, there are always shades of grey.

[weaselbeaselpants]

Lily, I did/do agree with you on some fandom takes, especially back during the DownWithMolestia days. Heck I agree with a lot of your takes in current year. Even if I agreed with you on everything you say I'd still fucking drop you and hope every single one of your fans wakes up and does so to for the right reasons --that you're a predator/lying abuser, not that you hate Gay Rocks in Space-- too.

Like, you wanna hear proof some folks' who I not only liked but REALLY like their videos and still absolutely think are in the wrong?

JonTron and Brad Jones.

I still find myself quoting their damn videos every now and again because god damnit that shit is/was funny, sue me. I loved CinemaSnob especially and god JonTron's videos were so much fun.

Too bad JonTron said some of the worst, most horrendously antiblack shit I've ever heard and has never fucking apologized for it or even BEGUN to have an iDubbz moment. I believe Pewdiepie feels+understands what he did was wrong more than JonTron and that's a bad sign. Jon was funny, a white person. Don't care. I'm never going to follow anything he makes again because the stuff he had to say was heinous and no it doesn't just "go away" because another white yter is in trouble for this kind of thing or it's been so many years since his 'canceling' and 'doesn't matter'. Really?

CinemaSnob is less racist (publicly) but he showed his true colors by publicly choosing to stay with his toxic friends and showing he was a two-sided jerk, and then made up lies about doxxing and harassment just to sweeten the deal. What he did (while roping Double Toasted in no less) was straight up admit that he doesn't care about any of the shit leveled at Channel Awesome, even after CA themselves admitted to hiding a sexual predator, because "he'd still have a career" even after he hurt anybody. Say all you want about any yter, breadtube or whatever, being callous and 'uncaring' or blocking ppl that just disagree w them- "apologize even if you don't mean it = dumb", "Logan Paul filmed a dead body and he still has a career", it's that side you showed of yourself, Brad, that is always going to make me actually genuinely hate myself for quoting your old videos or seeing you show up in an old Phelan or Allison vid.

Whether it be personally or politically, you can look like an ass and even the biggest fans of your work are gonna be shaken up and drop you for it-- to which you'll probably say they were never really "your REAL fans" for being "sensitive" w really it's just people having independence and critical thinking.

I would not be the person I am now if I didn't disagree/look into the drama buzzing around my personal fav yters like Lindsay Ellis and Jenny Nicholson with an open mind. I know (of, not rlly know) these women and their careers and the points where they were definitely getting harassment and if there's any credible basis for shitty behavior they've done - no matter how I feel about their work, I DON'T want to defend it just because I have this parasocial comfortzone in their essays. I don't want to entertain hate campaigns and lolcow farmers, I want to always do my due diligence and genuinely know "wait wtf did 'x' say about 'x'." In the case of folks like Ellis or PanPizza or Quinton Reviews here's usually always some degree of nuance or-"yes soandso isn't a [thing I thought they were cuz of drama I saw], but I'm personally allowed to not like them bcuz of how they handled these accusations"-vibes. Valid asf. That's me with some of the people I watch, like Wendigoon. It's fine.

In the cases of JonTron, Brad Jones, Emily Youcis and now Lily Orchard....no. Fuck this. I'm an adult and it's not the quality of your work you make whatsoever, it's all about your personality. If you are shitty and vile, possibly even criminal (hate speech should count as criminal, Youcis) and you don't even begin to care that you are any of those things...yeah why should I give you the time of day or treat your work like it's different from you as a person?

[destinyc1020]

Okay!!

I'm the anon who brought up the Jake's Take interview with Z, and here are my personal thoughts. I think the reason why Z is being asked about kissing her costars is because she is dating Tom. I know fans may disagree, but I believe the public interest on them has become so much of their brand, and I can understand why solo fans of each other are frustrated because they just want to support an actor they admire without the stanwars and public obsession. Again, I don't have an issue with them sharing stories of each other, I have issues if it takes away from their work. I feel it more on Tom more so than on Z cause she is in a higher position as she's been working with great visionaries longer.

Tom for the past few yrs has become very polarising for filmbros, critics, and antis because he is dating the it girl of our generation and because his career isn't on par as his peers. The think pieces OK this blog, the hate he gets on socials whether it be that he isn't a filmbro, he doesn't denounce marvel, hes dating Z and was getting mocked due to the challengers trailer and the hate he got from TCR, the controversies he's in has to deal with R+J is partly his own contrinution because he didnt post against the hate for Fran but it's exacerbated with the fact that because he's with Z and the expectations of him is so higher than other actors. It's so much because even when he met a fan in Scotland, they weren't happy to meet him they were happy to meet Z's bf, which is disrespectful. Like that sucks because even his career is nothing outside of his relationship.

It's also hard on Z because she even admitted post NWH and Euphoria 2 how hard it was for her to even leave the house with her costars because she thought she would make their evenings worse and that is so hard to hear. She has been accommodating her life in fear of being judged by her fans who refude to evolve like her, and that's not healthy for her or her fans. These are the same fans last yr who, during Christmas on that bird app, were going viral for bringing up her ex JE and blaming Tom for visiting her on set for Euphoria as if that was the reason they aren't together like he hasn't been dating Olivia for like 3 yrs. Those are the fans she's dealing with.

That besties narrative was pushed hard in promo for Dune 1 and 2, and as many fans dislike Timothee, I have to give him credit for not being a weirdo and allowing that narrative to be pushed. Most male actors in his position would love to push a showmance for the promotion for those films and he didn't, he even mentioned Tom on both press tours because of how ppl ship, he didn't even stop fans shipping him with Taylor or any of his costars but with Z he did. He didn't have to do that, but it kinda sucks he knew he had to.

It's a lot. Like there isn't any promo for R+J and Rachel and Kit are having photoshoots and tiktoks for their Romeo and Juliet, and that's unfair because if Tom did that with Fran, locals/incels will create a narrative and its exhausting. Popularity is important for an actor, but what costs?

Those are my thoughts, and thank you for allowing me to express them Destiny💖

Thanks Anon ☺️

Like I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I do feel like people would be curious about Tom and Z's private lives no matter who they date, simply because they're so famous.

I'm not sure though that I feel like Z would not get those same kissing questions if she were dating another actor that is NOT Tom. I honestly feel like she would get those questions regardless.

Sadly, for most women (actresses), they usually get the brunt of the relationship type questions. 😕 It seems, that's all anyone is interested in when it comes to women.

Plus, if you're attractive, that also makes people more curious...especially if your costar is also equally attractive as well. For some reason, ppl tend to think that acting translates into real life.

Re: Tom, career, etc....

I honestly don't know why fans keep repeating this mantra about Tom's career as if he's not doing well in his career or smthg. Have Twitter folks made you all brain washed or smthg? 🥴 Serious question.

Tom's R&J play sold out in 2 HOURS. How is his career "bad"? 🥴

I'm not understanding the logic.

And btw, just because ONE fan in Scotland was just excited to meet "Zendaya's boyfriend", it doesn't mean that MOST people feel that way.

MOST fans who get to meet Tom are there to meet HIM.... Not Zendaya.

Also, I know Z is usually a homebody most of the time, but where did she say that she was afraid to go out with costars because she was worried that she would ruin their evening out? 🤔

Re: Rachel....

Okay, if they are doing photos for R&J..... so what? 🤷🏾‍♀️

There are PLENTY of R&J adaptations going on and there will be for years to come.

They must have been planning this for a while if they're announcing it so close to Tom's production. Theirs will be on Broadway though, so it's a totally different production in a totally different country. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I'm not even sure Tom's production even planned to do photo shoots to promote the play..... but it would be sad to think that IF they did, that some people would be so hateful about it. 😕

But I'm not going to worry about smthg that hasn't even happened yet. 👀

[hexehaus]

Wondering & Debating

NOT a hoodoo spell. And THIS is how herbs go on a candle. Powdered, NOT whole! 😂

Okay. Hear (or read) me out. Years ago, about 10 years...someone from a prominent hoodoo site tried to ruin my Etsy store's reputation because I accidentally used one of their images. They put my store up on their site and called me a fraud. I had no idea the image was was theirs and I took it down. They refused to take the fraud shit down. I did a spell and it fucking disappeared. So I ain't crazy about hoodoo.

I realize that hoodoo is supposed to be of African descent, but not as it is presently, no. It differs greatly from the practices that I've learned. And no, sorry - Lucky Mojo isn't the be all to end all. Real hoodoo that I know utilizes Lẹ̀, in Yoruba - or in Spanish, palos, meaning sticks. I don't know Kikongo. So I'll use Spanish or Yoruba.

So I've read that Devil's Shoestring and herbs like Rue, Wormwood and Comfrey are good for protection from evil. I know they are very powerful, but I also know that there is a palo that is very powerful that has much older associations that go not only back to Africa, but we can also get it in America and Europe. It has awesome power of protection from evil and hexes and it is sacred to the Orisha Obatala who owns this plant. Known as Saúco, or Elder, this palo precedes the hoodoo herbs that you usually find listed online. Africans had been using Elder longer than the Celts, it does appear.

So much for authenticity in hoodoo. I don't believe Devil's Shoestring, Wormwood, or Comfrey were available in Africa. Elder doesn't have a quirky name, so I suppose its not hoodoo? Lol! It does have nicknames. Its just that ppl go insane if something doesn't match "the culture" and I'm just showing that a tree that most think is European is also in Africa, used for not only protection, but also purity/purification (Obatala), wisdom (also Obatala), divination (Orunmila or Ifá the Sage diviner), healing (again Orunmila, as the Divine Physician), fertility and renewal.

I'm not against hoodoo, its just not my cup of tea the way ppl practice it today. I originally learned hoodoo from a Wicca book and it was better than most stuff that I see online. That was 1993 though. 🤔 And not a Llewellyn book, actually a Citadel book. Still got a copy.

Just wanted to say that palos actually are a lot stronger than herbs. Sticks hold more "juice" than herbs and so do roots. Herbs are the weakest. Berries should only be used when fully dried and best in hanging bags or in concealment. Disagree if you will. I have 30 years of herbalism experience. I love Yoruba ewe which I'm learning. I fell in love with Prodigiosa, the mighty consecration ewe because of Ifá and other African practices that I've learned. I'm not just book learned. I had training in Ifá. 😊 And...sooo many years of Palo now!

One may ask where to find knowledge about the palos. Sorry! Very hard! Its in Spanish but I have no books. Its also called a Tata, or Palo priest. No books in English. The ewe, are probably in books. Some Santeria books have information, though with good authors like Migene Gonzalez-Whippler, the plants are in Spanish. And not able to translate because they are not native. Even Santero/Palero Carlos Montenegro, much is in Spanish or you have to read between the lines or...is totally missing! He has the best candle color correspondences I've seen besides Charmaine Gray though! The correspondences here on tumblr leave much to be desired.

Off topic!

If anyone wishes to disagree with my words, make a comment but please no rude insults or accusations. Civility reigns here at Hexe's.

M.M. 💖💀💖

[heiayen]

EPISODE 7: SOMETHING SHE MIGHT LIKE... note: this chapter's written part is longer but very important, so! remember to read it

"No offense, but how else would anyone follow you?" Lumine raised her eyebrows as she put down the plate with dumplings, "If the person got a professional camera and all, then I don't think it would be hard for them to get a tracking device and just plant it in your car."

The main topic of the dinner was, obviously, who took the photos. You couldn't blame the twins for being curious and asking questions, the case was on your mind all the time, too.

"The car was locked, Lumine. Not a single sign or anyone breaking in." Scaramouche replied, annoyance evident in his voice.

"Then how else on earth?"

This was something that also bugged you. Your boyfriend was literally swearing he saw no one following you, and yet someone did. When Lumine first proposed the existence of a tracking device, Scaramouche disagreed instantly, saying how there was no chance someone broke inside.

But you couldn't help and feel like this was possible.

"Could someone put it somewhere on the car?" You asked.

Both Scaramouche and Lumine looked at each other, and then her gaze wandered to her brother.

"…I mean, someone could put it under the car? I saw people do it."

You looked at Scaramouche. Despite his usual frown, you noticed the uneasiness underneath it. To realize that someone was constantly aware of where you were going was a terrible thing, you could only imagine. You grabbed his hand under the table and gave it a light squeeze.

He squeezed back.

"I'll check later."

This was the end of this discussion. Lumine nodded.

"Anyway, I made two kinds of dumplings because I didn't know what you'll like…" She started and pointed at the plate, "Those are with meat and these are with mushroom. Oh, and Aether has his potato filling ones."

"With potatoes?" Your boyfriend asked. Honestly, you were kinda curious about them too. You never had dumplings with potatoes, out of all fillings…

"You want some?" Aether smiled, a dumpling already on his fork.

"No."

Still, the said dumpling ended up on his plate anyway. He stared at it and, honest to god, for a second you thought its about to get stabbed with his glare alone.

"Aether, can I have one too?"

"…sorry, Y/N, I have only six dumplings left…"

You glared at him, "So this is how you treat your friend… you pick their boyfriend over them…"

"No, it's not like this!" Aether waved his hands, a hint of amusement on his face. This quickly turned into a friendly bickering between you and him.

You didn't even notice when suddenly, half of the potato dumpling ended up on your plate.

When you noticed it, you smiled at Scaramouche.

a/n: i wonder what's the thing... anyways the dumpling lumine mentioned are actually rly good. yes im pushing my slavic twins agenda cuz i enjoy projecting. also! please if you have any comments theories whatever feel free to share them cuz i love listening what ppl think and yeah <3

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taglist: @snobwaffles @soleillunne @ilyuu @lxkeeeee @haliyamori @yinyinggie @sakiimeo @supernova25 @cloudycloudd @d4y-dr3am3r (comment or whatever to be in the taglist, IF i forgot someone which might happen dont hesitate to remind me)

[relativedamage]

I am so certain that a lot of people who speak on the maruaders vs Severus deal have truly never been bullied. Because they say the most triggering shit every single time.

Givng as good as he got was said by Sirius who, was one of the people going after Sev. And we just believe him, and use that as "canon conformation" which yes it was said in canon, but by the person who did the actions and was clearly embarrased that his godson knew abt it now. Not only that but I just read a post that was basically having Remus saying these things to Severus, and finishing it off with the only reason Severus felt like it was bullying was bc the marauders were more well liked than him. Like that usually isnt how it goes with bullying? Its a little insane to me. Especially since these same ppl usally go the "snapes memories were biased" route, like if they were biased you dont think Sirius' words were not? And a lot of ppl forget that at the time, house rivalry was at a an all time high, and (for good reason) most ppl HATED slytherin. No one outside of slytherin is gonna stick up for one, except people like Lily etc.

I know that it comes with the territory that if I am going to try and enjoy the marauders fandom as well, I am going to see snape hate, or takes I disagree with. But this is just one point I genuinely need to die, it is just not the way to talk about the situation. and yes he was not a nice teacher i understand that! You will never hear me excuse his adult actions because of his past, but i DO like to talk about his past and play around with the canon to make myself happy.

Time just does not work like that, his adult actions also don't jusitfy the treatment in his past just like his past does not justify his adult actions. Does not mean anyone has to like him, I just wish people were more careful with their words talking about things like this because it can be triggering for people who were bullied heavily.

[zxal]

howww about a 🔥 for your fav character from each yugioh series youve watched! >:3c

🔥 bakura - people tend to like, woobify him & treat him like he's totally helpless and has no agency or say in what happens to him, and it's not even a ""wrong"" interpretation necessarily i just think it's so........BORING. I reread the manga recently and so many times bakura CHOOSES to put the ring back on even when he doesn't have to and he lies about it and he gets upset and hurt when the others keep it from him. but even after 20 years no one is ready to hear the "more complex than a generic anime sadboy" bakura takes seemingly

🔥 yubel - i'm late enough to the party that there seems to be pretty widespread acceptance of yubel's transgenderism but i still Only ever see people using she/her or they/them. which is like, fine, but why not try something else?? I'm on the no pronouns/name-only bus myself but would also be partial to he/she (yubel is visually half-male half-female, practically split down the middle. bigender king) & even the dub uses he/she/it depending on who yubel is possessing at the time. Throw some neopronouns in there for good measure. Mix it up a little

🔥 kalin - not sure how unpopular this opinion is but i'm sorry this man should NOT be a single father. he's 21 he's suicidal he doesnt know how to fucking cook. king you should not base your entire desire to live on two kids who are realistically only a year or two from screaming "i hate you" at you when you tell them theyre grounded

🔥 vector - i'm not sure ive seen too many vector takes I disagree with actually. usually with a character like this I expect to see people making him regret what he did, apologize for it (blergh) etc. but I've actually seen like, none of that. So shoutout to zexal for being so fucking well written that ppl aren't even mischaracterizing your villain all that much (that I've seen as a latecomer)

🔥 yuri - any take about yuri being misunderstood because he was groomed/manipulated into being evil is really really boring to me. also anyone who looks at yuri like "we need to make him get therapy so he can be Normal" i'm blowing up with my mind. he would not fucking benefit from therapy sorry. he might enjoy fucking with the therapist for a few weeks but then it would get old. ALSO ALSO I'm not a huge fan of the take that yuri and celina would be friends (or more) if circumstances were different. like I think they just dont like each other and that's Fine - the idea that all of the girls need to have the same kind of relationship with their boys as each other does a disservice to each of them as individuals with their own identity imo. THIS ONE GOT LONG SORRY. THINKING MUCH ABOUT HIM.

🔥 jin - much like bakura jin is a character who gets treated quite like shit by canon and fandom alike. given that he has like 2 lines of spoken dialogue there's a lot of room for interpretation, but i feel like most of the (very very scant) jin interpretations I've seen depict him as sort of clueless and naive and vapid, and that is, again, very very boring to me. i think people want him to be ""okay"" because of what he went through but it comes at the cost of absolutely any interesting characterization or meaningful relationships with other characters

[vintagepresley]

Today was so annoying for me. My friends at school, obviously knowing of my huge Elvis obsession, kept asking my thoughts on the Priscilla movie. I told them, but said how I was nervous how it’s going to portray E because it’s most likely going to make him seem horrible and not include all the amazing things he did. And they were completely disagreeing and arguing with me and bringing up how he was a predator and stuff like that. When I tell you I was getting SOO angry, like I was trying so hard not to lose my cool. Like it’s so hard to try to tell the truth about these things to ppl who just wont listen or even understand.

That’s usually how it goes. Especially if people have been told by people in their life or seen things online that have stated these things about him. It’s kinda like the racist thing. Half of the black community is so convinced he was a racist because their parents or grandparents told them so. But no one wants to go and do research. (Literally went back and forth with my mom about the racist things until she finally stopped lol)

[sehnsuchts-trunken]

Hi, may I get a match-up for the hobbit please? I'm genderfluid they/them) and would like to shipped with a masc character please.

I'm an INFP-A, 9w1. My horoscope is gemini sun, leo moon, and libra rising. All of those are extremely accurate lol. I'm very whimsical and distant, but once you get to know me I'm even MORE whimsical and very emotionally intense lol. I'm a bit of a manic pixie dream girl lol. My intensity usually intimidates people, but otherwise I'm very open and friendly once you get to know me. I'm observant and introspective, which ironically makes it difficult for me to make friends and makes me a bit sensitive. I'm extremely compassionate, empathetic, patient, and understanding. It's one of my worst traits as well, since i struggle with forming boundaries and being angry at people who mightve wronged me. I'm also incredibly indecisive. I'm not a pushover though, and have no problem gently letting ppl know when I disagree with them or something.

The animals that my friends/family say remind them of me are bears and elephants. My favorite color is yellow, and my favorite flowers are honeysuckle and jasmine. My favorite season is a tie between summer and winter, even though I HATE the cold.

With my friends I'm very chaotic and they describe me as "a silly gnome/goblin". When with them i initiate most hangouts and have always been a sort of ring leader.

My giving love language is quality time and words of affirmation. Receiving they are physical touch and quality time.

I come from an abusive household and had to look out for my younger siblings (2 younger sisters and 3 cousins who are basically brothers).I've been through a lot and that's given me a unique perspective on the world and what it means to be alive.

For hobbies I really enjoy reading, crafting, writing poetry and am very good at it, and just spending time outside. I love listening to music and listen to absolutely everything and enjoy it lol. I'm very go-with-the-flow and am down for practically anything and everything at least once. I don't like mean-spirited things/people, the cold, and being man-handled lol.

My style is very hippie/70s with goth influence. I have very long dark straight mahogany hair and blue eyes, and a very small/petite frame (hence not liking being manhandled lol). I'm very pretty in a free-spirited way, and I'm quite graceful.

My ideal type is someone who can get me out of my shell a bit while still appreciating my soft/whimsical side. Someone who can have my back and we can be our inner children together, if that makes sense. I'd do well with someone who could understand me, and help me be the best version of myself. I believe love and empathy are the only things worthwhile in life, in all the various forms they take, despite what I've been through. It terrifies me though, so id need someone to convince me to take that leap with them. Its easy to scare me off as well so someone who could understand how to approach me without overwhelming me would be best. In relationships I'm very much drawn to a twin flame sort of dynamic lol.

((I'm sorry if I did this wrong, I couldn't find any rules through navigation on mobile or anything other than your post about opening match-ups, I'm so sorry if I did this wrong! Thank you so much💗))

you did everything right, no worries!! there actually should be a post on rules and stuff tho so um, i'll have to go check what's wrong with that soon. but you're all good!!

im a bit insecure about just how this turned out, cant really tell if you'll like it but we'll see!

I ship you with...

Fili!

You've known Fili your entire life. You were born at around the same time Kili was and you're pretty sure that's the reason why you're so close to them. It makes sense. Your parents had never been the best and you had a lot of family that you were happy to escape from now and then, plus Dis was lovely and more of a mother to you than yours ever was. So you spent the better part of your childhood with Kili - and with Kili meant with Fili as well, because they came in a package deal. Always.

While Kili grew to be your best friend, much like a brother, Fili... you'd always felt a few butterflies around. You could've written it off as some kind of childhood crush, of an infatuation in your teenage years, but honestly, you'd never quite got over it. You were older now, old enough that you should have long since been normal about the whole thing, old enough to have found work for yourself and left your parents behind. But you were still just as close to Kili and Fili and no, you were not over your crush in the slightest. Over the years, you'd just gotten better at pushing it down and suppressing it.

So you're there with them when Thorin calls on them for the quest of reclaiming Erebor. You're there because you're practically family, because Thorin knows and trusts you, and you're just as quick to agree as his nephews. And why wouldn't you go? You love them all dearly, you'd never been on an adventure before and Erebor was your home too, after all, or would have been at least, under different circumstances. So a few weeks later you start out on a life-changing journey with your two favourite dwarves in the whole world and you're honestly only a bit wistful because you'd had to leave your books and paper behind.

The three of you are a force to be reckoned with. Kili matches your chaotic energy exactly and Fili is - though certainly being the most responsible out of the three of you - still not nearly as responsible as his uncle, so your journey to Bilbo's little home all the way in Bag's End is some of the most fun you've had in your entire life. Daily life with them is obviously great as well, but what with your work and all, you haven't seen them this much in a long, long while.

It quiets down a bit when the rest of the company joins (most of them you know, some of them you can't remember), but you're still enough to get on Thorin's nerves quite a lot. You do make friends with Bilbo, though, who's drawn to just how whimsical and open you are. He may have been a bit put off by your joking about with Kili and Fili at the start, but you have him charmed a few days into your journey. You talk about books and plants and really, anything at all, and by day six you think you may have found a new life-long friend in Bilbo.

But even though you're now spending your time getting to know someone new, you're still as observant as ever, and you notice - of course you do - that the closer you get to Bilbo, the less you see of Fili. Kili is always close by and you certainly spend at least half of your time joking about with him, but whenever you ride or walk next to Bilbo, talking and laughing, Fili seems to disappear somewhere into the background, so much so that you actually have to search for him to spot him. It hurts, a bit, because you can't seem to pinpoint just what's wrong for a while. Wasn't everything just fine when you started out on this journey? Had you said something, done something wrong? You knew this kind of thing from your parents, but never from Fili, especially because he knew about... well, about everything, really, so he knew just how sensitive you could be about things like these. You did your best not to let it bother you too much.

Instead, you focused on Bilbo. He was funny and sweet, intelligent and understanding and for as much as you love the dwarves, for as much as you love your kin, you like that he's not as rough and intense. He's different. And maybe you're a bit different than the rest of the dwarves, too - you'd always been a bit slimmer and smaller and more petite than the rest and maybe that had shaped your personality in some way, too, you weren't sure. Maybe that's why the two of you grew so close in such short time.

You express your feelings for him quite the same way you do for everyone: loud and chaotic, just the way you are. You tell him that he's funny and sweet, intelligent and understanding because that's exactly how you show people that you like them, so, well, you do. But every time when, in the spur of the moment, you give Bilbo a friendly compliment, out of the corner of your eyes you see Fili scoff. You frown and try not to interpret too much into it, but it's hard - after all, you've been doing nothing but interpret and think and imagine because you've kept all of your feelings for Fili bottled up inside of you for your entire life, analysing and wondering if maybe, just maybe, there was a tiny little chance that he liked you that way, too. Not that you've ever really found anything. He was always just Fili.

But not this time. No, not this time. This time he's scoffing and turning away and staring gloomily at you when he thinks you don't notice because you're too deep in conversation with Bilbo. You do, though, definitely, because he's not being as secretive as he thinks he is. You watch him argue with Kili one evening, which you're sure hasn't happened this severely in years. Simply put, he's being weird.

He stomps off and Kili plops down next to you right after - you ask, of course, what's wrong with his brother, but you've asked Kili multiple times already and he simply won't tell you. And as much as Fili's behaviour is upsetting you, you won't go up to him either, because you're not that kind of person that pushes others - you're not even really angry, you rarely are, because whatever the reason is why Fili is behaving this way, there surely is a reason and you know him well enough to be aware that it's a good one too.

It all comes to an end in Rivendell. Most of the dwarves are in a bad mood, Bilbo hasn't been as ecstatic the entire journey and Gandalf seems to be much happier here than travelling, so the company is a bit split when it comes to their opinions on this place. You don't mind it much. You like being clean for once. Bathing had become a luxury. So while the dwarves keep complaining and brooding moodily, you're talking happily with Bilbo and Gandalf.

The elves seem a bit put off by you, but you're used to that, and after a night in Rivendell, when the dwarves have started brooding less and - well, no, they're still complaining just as much - some of the elves are conversing more and more with you. Maybe it's because you're spending most of your time with Bilbo and Gandalf (and Elrond in tow) or maybe it's because you're open and friendly, but either way you're meeting new people left and right. And that's when Fili's behaviour changes yet again.

Instead of staying out of your space and scoffing, suddenly he's by your side everywhere you go, every step you take. You're happy at first, excited that he so surprisingly comes back to you (now you're glad that you weren't all that angry in the first place), but it becomes clear after a few minutes already that he's not there to talk to you very much. It seems that he's made it his mission to stand gloomily beside you, glare at everybody who comes close to you and generally answer everything you say to him with an unmotivated "hmpf". It irritates you.

But when you get woken up by an annoyingly loud knock in the middle of the night, that's it for you. You open the door to see Fili and you're not even angry, you're really just... tired. In every sense. He's standing there in his night clothes and he seems to have had an epiphany of some sort, he looks starstruck and you're so done. You're so done you just pull him in, close the door, get back in bed, pat the empty space next to you and tell him that if he wants to talk, he should do it quickly, before you fall asleep again.

He stands in the middle of your room for so long you've actually almost fallen asleep again when he speaks up. Stuttering, which isn't what you're used to at all when it comes to him, and stumbling over his words, admitting that he's been acting stupid, that he's been acting dumb, admitting that the reason, that reason that you were sure was there, is that he's in love with you. Deeply, desperately, for so long he can't remember a time when he wasn't.

You don't really think you've heard him right but you also don't care. It's too late, you're too tired, he's looking too warm and broad and comfortable and before you can think about much anything, you've reached for him and guided him to your bed and cuddled up to him - he smells familiar, he feels safe, and he's reaching his arms around you and placing a kiss on your hair and telling you good night and somewhere in your hazy mind, you recognise the weird feeling in your stomach as butterflies.

The next morning, you wake up warm and cozy and when you open your eyes, you're facing Fili. You're actually, honestly, truly facing Fili. It takes two seconds to register. Then you feel his breath on your lips and his forehead against yours and your eyes fall closed all by themselves as you listen to him ask if he can kiss you now. You let him. Of course you let him.

You actually do talk it out that morning, though. Between a lot of kisses and a lot of cuddling, there's also a lot of talking. You're a bit nervous (even though that feeling settles after about the third or fourth kiss) but Fili has always been good at convincing you that you were brave and strong enough to do anything, and with the rhythmic stroke of his hand on your arm, the way he beams at you when he makes you giggle, how happily he listens to you talk, all of that convinces you in just a few hours how very right you were to pine for him your entire life.

When you don't show up for breakfast, you guess the others were worried some elf had killed you in your sleep, so Kili comes knocking on your door some time before noon. In full Kili fashion, he doesn't really knock at all, he more like just comes barging into your room, so you have barely enough time to look up before he stands at the foot of your bed with a dumb grin on his face that tells you he was very much aware of what was going on with his brother the past few weeks.

You don't mind. You don't really mind anything anymore. Because you spend your days in Fili's arms now, with his hand in yours and courting braids in your hair, and you're happier than you've ever been before. Now the people you'd always considered family more than your real family did become your real family, a few years after you'd recovered Erebor, on the day that you marry Fili. The happiest day of your life, because Fili made you feel exactly the way you'd always wished he would, because he was exactly what you'd always wanted, because you loved him. And because he loved you.

[intrulogical]

Unpopular opinion(??): I think Janus was in the wrong at the end of POF, when he made fun of Roman back.

And not in a "they both were in the wrong!!" way, I fully support Roman's actions. Obviously, don't make fun of a guy's name, but Janus literally manipulated Roman throughout SVS. Of course Roman is going to attack him???? You MANIPULTED. HIM. What did you THINK was gonna happen?

Plus, the thing he said wasn't even BAD. He called him a LIBRARIAN.

I just... it hurts me because Janus prides himself on being smart & correct, but cannot think for two seconds why Roman would be upset? Does he think he has no consequences to his actions? Does he think he's allowed to do things and not have people be upset? Like, Janus should know the inner moral fight that Roman is having with himself (he agreed with Janus at first & then patton was like "hey! Hes bad!!" & now is being told that janus is GOOD & that he was wrong even though he agreed with him in the beginning AND THE GUY HE AGREED WITH MANIPULATED HIM AND THEN ADMITTED TO IT IN POF)

I know Janus was having an emotional reaction, just like how Roman was, but it feels like a ... petty response to someone who is hurting.

NOT THE SAME. NOT COMPARRING but it HAS THE VIBES as like... defending yourself againsr your abuser & having ppl say you "abused each other". AGAIN. Not saying Janus is abusing anyone ot whatever, it just feels similar.

Janus hurt Roman & Roman defended himself & everyone is upset at Roman? What is this.

- @transfemlogan

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

this ask made me really think hard, because the dynamic janus and roman share is incredibly... fickle. seemingly blatant but definitely more complex for what it's worth. so, i'll try to break it all down, from everything i remembered.

1.) was janus wrong at the end of SVS.R for making fun of roman?

for a simple answer, yes— like, it is petty. you mentioned it was an emotional response to roman's seemingly lighter insult. but i don't necessarily agree with it being... hollow pettiness. sometimes people are petty for pettiness' sake, but janus, from my understanding, came into SVS.R fed up. mostly tired of being ignored for a long time despite having valuable insight on thomas' morality issues and mental health issues.

of course, i think janus could have introduced himself more kindly when he first appeared, but from my understanding of the dark sides, they are provocative for a reason. while there are multiple perspectives on what being a "dark" side means, my perspective is that these sides are usually secondary functions, usually pushed down even further by thomas' catholic upbringing. because of this, i view their provocativeness as a means of grabbing thomas' attention, ESPECIALLY knowing how easy it is for thomas to do something out of fear. but they don't intend to hurt thomas, at least not intentionally. all sides, even remus, intend the best for thomas in a way they deem fits best, even when we can disagree.

now, long ramble i know, but i needed to kind of explain the semantics of sides to dig into the idea that janus is, arguably and validly, fed up. yes, his insult was awful, that i cannot excuse, but to think his frustration came out of nowhere (at least, from what i'm getting out of your ask) is not true. it may noy seem as obvious as other sides, but janus has been fighting for the best decisions in thomas, but in his own machiavellian way.

machiavellian beliefs go many ways (i for one have not read the prince in full) but usually, machiavellian perspectives are very "the ends justify the means" kind of mindsets. and that's how janus operates. he believed provocativeness was key for thomas to listen, which is why he did all he did in SVS. it's definitely hurtful, and definitely very philosophical in a way that screams you're overthinking this, bud, but that is how he shows he cares. he fights hard in his deep, scary philosophy because that's what he thought operates well with thomas (even if he realizes it's wrong to do so, in the end). so, tldr because i think i'm just rambling— the insult was uncalled for but the buildup for janus to make an insult was definitely there.

2.) janus manipulating roman

now this, this one i had to think. because, yes, janus constantly complimented roman during SVS in an attempt to get his favor. but janus "not reading how hurt roman was" still feels very off. to me, janus had one goal in mind here: to prove to thomas that "selfishness" was not as evil as he thought it to be. the main problem that opposed this is patton and roman's Purity Culture of viewing morality too much as black and white + very catholic sense of selflessness.

janus has been frustrated ever since SVS about how his stance, although correct and the most considerate of thomas, was merely dismissed, roman and patton implying janus' perspective was "bad". that is the underlying issue janus had against patton and roman. it's not just a matter of pettiness, but there is some gravity to roman and patton labeling janus' perspective as "evil". while it doesn't seem much, the fact that thomas' mental health dipped THAT much post-SVS, even BEFORE the wedding showed how much roman and patton's purity culture was affecting thomas negatively. and janus— janus obviously took that personally. roman and patton, again, did not directly attack janus, but claiming thomas' mental state was good when it obviously Wasn't most likely weighed heavy on janus' shoulders to fix.

yes, janus manipulated roman (although most manipulation cases itself is far more deliberate than what janus has done), but janus can also be impacted in more subtle ways, like having your perspective ridiculed and watered down when it could've saved thomas.

and last,

3.) did janus not realize that roman is hurting?

nah, he did. people can realize someone is hurting AND also snap at them for something they thought was frustrating. it's not good, but it is incredibly human for it to happen (which is why i dislike moral analyses of characters in sanders sides because it just Doesn't Matter). him manipulating roman via compliments was recognition of roman's low self-esteem.

but i have to mention this: roman's self-hate issues are intrinsically connected to his black and white perspective on morality. to be a hero is to do good things, which is why he clings on to patton. he wants to ensure that he does good, even if the ways he does good really... isn't good or healthy, as proven in SVS.R.

janus' insult was genuinely awful, but roman and patton implicating him as evil was definitely heavy as well. i think janus' general frustration with roman can also be justified because, well, if thomas does pursue this new viewpoint of "being selfish is good sometimes," it... causes roman's perspective on goodness to become null. a complete paradigm shift, a change of perspective. and so in the end, no matter if janus insulted roman or not, he would end up wounded.

this ended up longer than i intended and probably rambled on for too long outside of the main question, but tldr; i think roman and patton's heavy influence of implicating janus as evil negatively impacted thomas' wellbeing, and it should be considered a heavy enough insult for janus to justify his frustrations. his insult and manipulation towards roman was 100% awful, but to say he was the only one in the wront is false, especially since there are many instances in the same episode where he proves himself a good influence and beneficial to thomas.

thank you for the ask!