#and if i change my phone apps to be only on my computer. ill just spend all day on my computer instead

[atlas-affogato]

Ive been trying to cut back on my phone time (I say as I write this on my phone) and I've been mostly successful with getting off every other social media and deleting a bunch of shit off my phone that I don't need, but its still such a hassle. I have friends on tumblr and I'd still like to be able to check my dash when I'm not at a computer. I have friends I text every day that keep me on my phone, I need my banking apps and search engine and weather reports and camera and notepad and email. All these things that I can't seem to live without that keep me attached to my phone. If I could leave the internet and screens behind and be fine then I would, but my fandom is here, my friends, and so much basic information that I need for my life. I'm going to keep trying to dumbify my phone but this has been a frustrating process, realizing just how much I use my phone in my daily life

figuring out how to get rid of screen addiction is like trying to figure out how to stop a nicotine addiction while also having a job centered around smoking cigarettes and having half your social life be in smoke breaks

[atsumiye]

drunk dial

- atsumu x reader

a/n: i wrote this on a plane and didn’t read over it lol also someone pls take away my computer so ill stop writing about atsumu all the time

its 4 am. you know this because after hours of tossing and turning, checking your phone and scrolling through countless social media apps, you've managed to finally fall asleep.

that was until your ringtone woke you up from your 5 minutes of sleep. and if that wasn't enough to wake you up, then one quick glance at the contact name sure was. its been about 3 weeks? maybe 4, you aren't really sure. you’ve spent most of your time by yourself and not leaving from your apartment much kind of makes time feel like a blur.

you take a deep breath before picking up the phone, sliding across the screen and placing the phone up to your ear. you hear heavy breathing and music so loud you can feel the vibrations in your chest.

"can i come see you?" its hard to catch but you hear it just fine. he sniffles a few times before adding a small "please?" and despite your better judgement you whisper back, "of course."

and in less then 10 minutes, he comes knocking at your door. he's shivering as you answer the door, his jacket is missing despite the cold temperature and one of his shoes are half put on, laces untied on both. he reeks of alcohol, which would explain the loud club music and allows you to make the connection to why he even called in the first place.

pulling on his sleeve you drag him to your bedroom, helping him to completely take off his shoes. he stumbles in and drops down onto your bed as you ask, "so..." there's a long pause. one in which you hope he would explain himself, but he just stares at you as if he is memorizing every detail on your face. "what are you doing here miya?"

you hear his wince at your question, "don' call me that. 'm tsumu."

you help him slide under the blanket, "okay tsumu, what are you doing in my apartment at 4 am drunk?"

you tuck the blanket under his chin then sit down at the edge of your bed. he turns to lay on his side to face you, "can i get some water?"

you stand up and bring him the glass of water, "are you going to answer me?", you take the empty glass from him to place it on the night stand. he snuggles into the pillow while pulling the blanket up more.

"i miss ya." his lips start to form a pout, the same one he pulled when you said no to the volleyball printed bed sheets. and he knows you cant resist it, because you both left that evening with necessities and the bed sheet set. the same one that's tucked neatly under your bed. and at that moment you thank whatever higher power is up there that you changed the sheets to new ones instead of the volleyball ones yesterday.

"and who is at fault for that?" you brush his bangs back as you convinced yourself you can have this just one more time. you tell yourself he wont remember this night anyway.

"'m sorry. 'm stupid for ever thinkin' i could be without ya. and for putting everythin' above ya. and for breaking up with ya. 'm really really sorry y/n." he pulls his hand out from under the blanket to hold yours. he interlocks your fingers and looks to you for an answer.

"how come you only apologize when you're drunk? you broke my heart tsum." you turn your head to look at the wall, your eyes landing on the photo of the two of you that you never had the heart to take down.

"baby, i love ya. still." he sits up a bit, trying to meet your eyes.

"i know tsumu."

"do ya still love me?"

you turn to meet his eyes and bring your other hand to brush through his hair. atsumu tore your heart to pieces a few weeks ago, but as you sit there, fingers interlocked, staring into his warm honey eyes, you know your answer. you place a small kiss onto his forehead as you help him get back into your bed. smiling down at him you rub his cheek with your thumb and you whisper,

"always. i could never stop loving you."

[lcksndkys]

Pairing: JJK x reader

Rating: 18+

Genre: smut, fluff, tiny hint of angst

Word count: ~8k

Summary: Save a drum, bang a drummer. 

Warnings: one tasteful semi-nude sext, brief flashback of male masturbation, discussions about conception, an unholy amount of nipple play, blowjob, fingering, pussy slapping with a dick (but like, romantically), unprotected sex within an established relationship, multiple orgasms, creampie

A/N: This is my first attempt at creative writing… ever. Borne from my horny imagination and a thirst dream, this piece is an epilogue of sorts. S/o to @jinpanman ​ and @wwilloww ​ for being the wind beneath my wings and the floaties around my arms. Also, big thanks to Willow who made the banner <3

There are two things you know are happening tonight. One: Beyond the Scene is out celebrating the completion of their newest EP. Two: your husband, the drummer of Beyond, is going to come home, high off the adrenaline of a successful night, and fuck you into oblivion. Your period tracking app that you both have been studiously monitoring over the last few months has notified you that you were going to be ovulating over the next couple of days. 

You slip into one of Jungkook’s oversized cut-off tanks and a pair of crotchless black lace panties that you know he likes. Checking in the mirror, you see a generous view of side-boob due to the cut of his shirt and you turn around and decide to forgo bottoms entirely—they’ll be discarded soon anyways. Your husband may be out with the boys tonight, but you’re determined to wait up for him. It’s not that late after all. You roll over, pulling a bottle of lube from the nightstand and set it out for later.

Lying in your shared bed, you check your phone again, reading the last messages you sent to each other.

[9:51pm] Jungkook-ah: i’ll be home late babe. dont wait up. love you.

[9:54pm] You: … but i’m ovulating today. I want you.

You haven’t heard from him since. Tapping to the camera icon on your phone, you decide to send a little more encouragement. You quickly snap a photo of your torso covered in his shirt, making sure to give a tasteful glimpse of your ensemble. 

[11:39pm] Jungkook-ah: fcuk. dont temnt meee idk when ill  b home

You sigh. He's definitely drunk which means that even if he did come home soon, he’d be too wasted to finish the job, more likely to fall asleep seconds after washing up. Tossing your phone onto your pillow, you roll to Jungkook’s side of the bed. Breathing in his clean, slightly sweet scent, you let it comfort you as your eyes close. Your mind drifts off to the first time you ever saw Jungkook as a man. 

Sprawled out on a twin sized bed, there was barely enough space for the two of you. Propped against the headboard and wearing nothing but a smile, he laced his fingers behind his head and cockily encouraged you to take pictures. “They’ll last longer,” he had said. Cheeky brat. You had instructed him to pleasure himself as you watched. “Tell me what you think of when you touch yourself, Koo” to which he replied, “You in my clothes with nothing on underneath”. He had whined, panting and desperate to hold off his climax with the hopes that he might get to feel you wrapped around him. 

You made him promise that night would be a one off; an itch scratched. And above all, he wasn’t to speak of that night to anyone, especially his sister- your best friend. At the time, an emotional relationship was not something you were ready to pursue. And certainly not with someone so intimately linked to your inner circle. So when it happened again, and then again, you proposed an easy benefits-only relationship to which he quietly accepted. You didn’t know he had been secretly yearning for something you could not yet give him. Despite trying to push him and your emotions away, Jungkook persisted, and with time and patience, you let him into your heart and let him show you the meaning of true love. 

With a love-sick smile plastered on your face, you drift off to sleep, plans for tonight all but forgotten.

_______________________________________________

Eyes still closed and hanging on to the quickly fading wisps of your dreams, you unconsciously feel around the sheets for your husband. When your hands come across nothing but layers of bedsheet and blankets and the lingering warmth of Jungkook’s body heat, you roll over seeking the comfort of his embrace. 

Sitting up, you see that he must’ve moved you during the night towards your side of the bed before climbing in behind you. Realizing you’re still in his shirt and the sexy panties from last night, you huff out a groan of annoyance. 

You get out of bed and make the short trek to your bathroom to wash up. Jungkook never missed an opportunity to “practice” baby making. The thought that he was avoiding a session in the sheets with you makes you press the bristles harshly against your teeth. 

Upon returning to your bedroom, you see that at some point Jungkook had plugged your phone in to charge. You open up your app and double check that you’re still within short the ovulation window. 

The shuffling of slippers alerts you to your husband elsewhere in your shared apartment. As you leave in search of him, you notice he had put the bottle of lube away. 

Padding out towards the kitchen, you can hear the tinkling of dishware and cutlery. The smell of toast floats through the air as you spot Jungkook at the counter pouring his cereal into a bowl of milk. Endearing. You smile, remembering he once reasoned that adding cereal to milk ensures you won’t be left with any soggy bits. 

Coming up behind him, he startles a little with your quiet arrival. You wrap your arms around his middle, pressing a light kiss between his shoulder blades, and nuzzling your face against the wide expanse of his back.

“I missed you last night, baby,” you coo. 

Turning in your embrace, Jungkook wraps one arm around your shoulders and uses a pointer finger to gently tilt your head, aligning your mouth to his. He leans down to give you a sweet, chaste kiss in greeting before pulling away. 

“I’m sorry I was out late. But I’ll make it up to you ok?”

“How about you make it up to me right now?” you wiggle your eyebrows suggestively, stepping back from his grasp. 

His eyes rake up and down your figure, pausing to take in the long expanse of skin showing from under his cut-off tank. You turn your torso slightly, lifting your arms up overhead to smooth back your bed head, allowing him a generous view of your tits through the large armholes. You smirk to yourself knowing this simple outfit is one of his favorites on you. 

“- oh, fuck,” Jungkook breathes, feeling the beginnings of desire stir in his sleep pants.

“I was so ready for you last night,” you continue, planting your hands behind you on the kitchen counter opposite of Jungkook. With a hop, you sit yourself upon the cold hard surface and try not to cringe at the sudden change of temperature on your bare rump.

You beckon towards your husband with a crook of your finger. 

“I even wore one of your favorites,” you purr. Slowly trailing a hand towards your hip you pull the hem of your—well, his—shirt up, exposing some of the black lace panties you had worn. 

Jaw clenched and brow furrowed. You enjoy Jungkook’s rapt attention.

“Come closer” you plead. 

When he shows no sign of approaching, you lean back onto your elbows and prop one foot onto the countertop. Parting your legs, you smile victoriously when Jungkook’s eyes drop immediately to your exposed core. Thank goodness for crotchless panties.

His throat constricts at the sight of your pussy, framed in black lace, and bared lewdly for him. 

“Fuck,” he growls lowley. You watch his throat bob again swallowing down a moan. He looks from your eyes, to your lips, and down between your thighs. Cock hardening, his desire rises hot and heady at the sight of you glistening before him.

Seeing him grow in the unforgiving fabric of his grey sweatpants, you grin at his visceral reaction. “You know I’m ovulating, right?” You bring your other foot up onto the counter further spreading yourself out for him. “Fuck me, baby. Fill me up with your cum.” A little dirty talk was nearly always enough encouragement to get your husband started.

Doe eyes wide, he is torn between his carnal desires to ravish you on the countertop and his mounting emotional distress. 

When your husband doesn’t immediately react to your proposition, you know something is wrong. You hop off the counter and come to wrap around him. Jungkook has always been a shy boy, and as he got older, grew into a reserved man. He had a small social circle, knowing first hand that some people had no qualms with using him for his services. He was the golden boy. Jungkook was good at things and always has been- drums, sports, computers, video games, writing music, singing, sex. Many people sought to use him and had gotten away with it. And at first, he was eager to please; to prove himself worthy of the attention. But it wasn’t long before he grew cautious and began to keep a selective few close, including you. 

You've always seen him. And you see him now, eyes tight with emotion he's been holding back from you. He hasn't done that in years. 

Your arousal from earlier has all but dried up, evaporated with the sense that something important is weighing on Jungkook. 

"Do you need me to listen or find a solution?" you ask him. 

"Listen" he replies softly. 

You take his hand, leading him towards the couch. Sitting down, you part your legs pulling his back to your front. You wrap all four limbs around him and lay back to let his weight press the both of you into the cushions. His hands immediately go to stroke along the soft skin of your shins. You tuck your face into his nape, ghosting soft kisses along the skin available to you. Holding him against you, you feel Jungkook slowly melt, head leaning back against your shoulder. You know he’ll speak when he's ready.

“I just… Lately I’ve been feeling like you only want a specific part of me,” says Jungkook quietly. His hands go to tuck back some of his hair behind his ears- a nervous tell he's never been able to kick. "And I guess it kind of reminded me of the time from before we officially got together, ya know?" 

You feel your heart crumble in your chest at his admission. At that time, you weren’t ready for what Jungkook wanted to give you, convinced that the age gap and BTS’s rising fame would ultimately lead to disaster. Thus you had pushed for a purely physical relationship. He had agreed mistakenly believing that having your body, but not your mind or heart, was better than not having you at all. He hoped that time and love would help you change your mind. Luckily for both of you, it did. 

You want to say something to comfort him, but you remember he asked you to listen. You stay quiet, giving him a safe space to speak.

"And I know we're trying for a baby, but lately there's no intimacy when you make love to me. It's like once I finish, it's over and you push me away to lay with your legs up against the wall." 

You feel his ribs expand as he takes a deep breath, and then another. In, then out. 

"You know how important aftercare is to me," he continues. You do know. Jungkook is a romantic; being held and praised for a job well done has always been just as important as the actual act of sex for him. "And if you're just trying to fuck me, I don't know if I want it." 

There's a few moments of pause.

“Why didn’t you just tell me you didn’t want to have sex?” you ask softly. 

Jungkook’s eyes nearly bug out of his head. “No! I mean- I want it, trust me, I want you. But the last few times, it felt like you just fucked me until I came.” Jungkook goans. “You didn’t even finish. Makes me feel like a bad lover."

You cringe remembering that the last time you had been intimate with your husband, you straddled him and then rode him fast and hard until he spilled his seed inside you. The whole ordeal lasted 3 minutes tops, and then you were rolling off him onto your back leaving him to clean up on his own. 

Sensing he was finished, you start to apologize. “I had no idea you felt that way,” you start. “I never meant for you to feel that way. I’m sorry.”

“I just- I love you so much, and I would give anything to make you happy,” he says quietly. His hands continue to absentmindedly traverse the length of your legs.

Your hold around him tightens, a silent I love you. 

“What do you wanna do today, baby? Today’s all about you,” you promise. You’re ready to give your husband the attention he craves. 

“Anything?” Jungkook asks, craning his head back to meet your gaze.

“Mhmm.”

Jungkook smiles, pleased with your enthusiasm. 

“I promise you I’ll give you a creampie, but can we please just play super smash bros first?”

Seeing the child-like wonder in your husband’s eyes, you can’t help but chuckle at him. Jungkook has always been easy to please and competitive to a fault. 

“Sure, Kook-ah. Maybe I’ll even let you beat me” you joke, fingers digging into his ribs causing him to laugh and squirm from your grasp. 

Jungkook unwinds your legs from around his waist to set up the gaming console. 

_______________________________________________

After several rounds of super smash bros, Jungkook has other ideas in his mind. Pulling you onto his lap, you’re forced to part your legs to straddle him. He fingers along the hem of your shirt pulling up the backside to expose your bare ass. 

“Ah, you wore these for me?” he asks, hand rubbing circles along your quickly heating flesh. 

“Depends. Are you ready to take them off me?” you retort with a wink. 

Giggling, Jungkook lunges for you, wrapping his strong arms around you and burying his head into your neck. You feel the gentle pressure of his lips suckling and tilt your head further back to grant him more access to the sensitive skin of your neck.

He laps against your throat, making you moan out in satisfaction. Your arousal starts to leak onto Jungkook’s grey sweats as you absentmindedly grind your bare cunt against the stiffness growing there.

“Mmm, fuck. Let’s go” you pant, urgently tapping at Jungkook’s shoulder.  

Walking into the bedroom, Jungkook slowly lowers you down to the ground, letting your front drag along his, your soft curves trailing along the firm planes of his chest. The moment your feet touch down, you gently press a hand against his chest- right over his thrumming heart- and encourage him to sit at the edge of your bed. His eyes gaze lovingly up into yours, a small smile hanging on his lips, waiting for your instruction. 

You tug at the hem of his shirt. “Can you take this off, baby?” 

Jungkook eagerly nods, licking his lips in anticipation. He reaches back, hooking his fingers into the neckline of his collar and pulling his stupidly oversized shirt over his head in one swift motion. For a second, he lets you admire his body. He works hard to achieve his physique and enjoys knowing you’re your attraction towards him has never waned. 

You swallow down a groan as your eyes trail from his chest, dusky nipples pebbled with arousal, down his abdominals, towards the bulge in his sweats. Your husband is a beautiful man, inside and out, and he is all yours. Tonight and forever.

Climbing into his lap, you straddle him and cup his face between your hands. Jungkook needs emotional intimacy, and you’re prepared to deliver.

You kiss his forehead. “I love the way you think. You’re quiet, but so clever, and I wish more people could see how your brain works. You’re considerate of other people and so fucking humble, qualities I really admire about you.”

Moving down to his eyes, you place twin kisses over his closed eyelids. “I love the way you see the world. When I’m tired, you remind me that there is so much beauty in the mundane, and I’m so lucky to see it all by your side.”

You reach down for his hands and press your lips along the knuckles of both his hands. “I love the life you’ve helped build for and with me. People always say you’re good at everything, but they don’t see how hard you work to earn it. I respect you so much for that.” You play with his fingers- somehow long and delicate, but strong at the same time- and lace them together.

“I love your nose,” you continue, pecking the tip. 

“But-”

“No interruptions, Jungkook” you hold up a hand, effectively cutting him off. “I know you’ve always thought it was a little too big and round when we were younger, but it shows how much you’ve grown into yourself over the years. You are so sexy- both on the stage and off.”

You pull back in time to see him fighting down a shy smile at your praise. “Besides, a man should have a big nose,” you wink. Unable to hide his toothy smile or blushing cheeks, you continue.

“I love these cheeks,” you say, planting sloppy kisses over his face. “When you smile - a real, genuine smile- your whole face lights up. I hope our children inherit that.”

You plant more against the beauty marks on the bridge of his nose and under his lip, on the faint scar high on his cheek. “So beautiful,” you murmur against his skin.

“These are my favorite lips. You were the first man that I believed when you told me you loved me.” You press your lips against his, kissing him gently. Tilting your head for a better angle, you press forward more ardently, and part your lips further to slide your tongue against his.

When you pull back, Jungkook’s eyes are still closed, face craning forward to chase your kiss. You card your fingers through his hair and push him back enough to look into his eyes again. 

Your lips continue their loving path down his face, nipping along his sharp jawline and down his neck, paying special attention to his sensitive pulse point. Jungkook whimpers in appreciation encouraging you to work color into his skin. 

“Most of all, I love your heart.” Your arms wrap around his torso, hands caressing up and down his back as your head tips down to press your mouth against his chest, just left of center. “You are patient and kind and romantic. You show me every day what true love means, and I am forever grateful for that. You have all of me, and you always will. And tonight, I want to make you feel good because I love every part of you. Even the parts you don’t particularly like yourself.”

You continue to leave wet kisses along his clavicles and throat making him moan quietly.

“Lay back for me, baby” you say, and he allows you to push him onto his back.

Your body follows him down prone on the bed, allowing your comforting weight to settle atop him and press him into the sheets. Linking your hands, you bring them up to rest by his head. You reconnect and kiss him senseless, lips and tongues moving seamlessly in a dance well practiced over the years. You continue until he’s whining, until you feel him thickening further in his pants. 

Lips descending downwards, you continue a fiery trail along his jawline, hands caressing his neck and chest to maximize his pleasure. Evidence of your love blooms down his neck as you continue a path towards his chest. Perched on his lap, you grind against him as you take a nipple between your lips and begin to suck.

“A-ahh fuck”, Jungkook pants as your lips wrap more securely around his pebbled bud, tongue flicking against him. Your other hand rakes along his other pectoral, thumb catching along its twin and you rub circles over him with your thumb. His cock, which had begun to throb when you love bombed him, is now fattening with arousal.                                                                                

You trail your lips across his chest making sure to provide equal attention to his sensitive buds. Dusky and shining with your saliva, you continue down his abs, licking the contours of his hard earned muscles. Jungkook continues to quietly moan at the sensation of your soft, warm mouth slowly moving south along his body.

Sitting up a bit from his supine figure, you tug down at the band of his sweatpants. “Can I take these off?” you ask, slipping your fingertips into the waistline of his bottoms. He nods his consent and you push them down as he lifts his hips up, effectively removing Jungkook’s remaining piece of clothing. 

As you move to stand from his lap, he immediately sits up as if pained by any distance between your bodies. You give him one last, sweet kiss on the mouth before settling down on your knees between his spread legs. His cock, perfectly framed between powerful thighs, is hardening rapidly and attempting to defy gravity as it bobs in the space between your bodies. Licking your lips at the sight of his leaking length, you settle on the floor and reach for his base.

“Hold on” he says, stopping you to reach across the bed and pulling his pillow from under the covers offering it to you for comfort. Your heart swells at his consideration and you accept it gratefully. You place it under your knees for an added cushion and make yourself comfortable on the ground.

Maintaining eye contact you run your hands up and down his thick thighs letting your fingernails lightly scratch along the sensitive skin there. Each pass brings you closer and closer to his cock, subtly twitching in eagerness to feel you wrapped around him. Keeping your eyes locked on his, you wrap a hand around his base and feel him harden fully in your grasp. Bringing your lips down to his weeping tip, you run your tongue up and down his slit, then slowly in a circle around the engorged head leaving a ring of precum and saliva in your wake.

“F-uuuck” Jungkook keens as you continue to tease him with your tongue. “Please. More, please.” 

Your lips immediately close around him, surrounding his throbbing cock with the wet heat of your mouth and begin to suck tasting his musky flavor. Popping off, you run your tongue up and down to spread moisture along his shaft; your hand will have to cover what your throat cannot take. He is not profoundly large, but he is more than thick and long enough to satisfy you.

Unable to mask his desire, Jungkook pants as your mouth works up and down his rigid length. You take him as deep as you can tolerate, gagging lightly when you feel him slide down the back of your throat with each pass. The hand not grasping his base is rubbing soothing circles along his hip and inner thigh, amplifying his pleasure.

“Mmm yeah, you’re doing so g-good,” he groans as you continue bobbing, hand furiously pumping whatever won’t fit in your mouth. He weaves his fingers into your hair, encouraging you to take him deeper into the depths of your throat. Eyes starting to water, his other hand wipes at the tears in your lash line as you continue to enthusiastically blow him. 

Jungkook’s volume steadily increases along with the pace of your mouth and hand as you work over his cock. You continue to suck him off sending white hot pleasure through his veins. “Oh shit- shit.” Jungkook stops you as his impending orgasm begins to crest. “You need to stop, or I’ll cum” he breathes out. Though your mouth is no longer on him, your hand continues to slowly jerk him off.

“Aren’t you ovulating?” he tries to confirm with you. “I need to put it in you,” he insists, teeth clenching together as your hand glides up and down the full length of his dick twisting your wrist with each upstroke.

“Tonight is all about you - about us,” you shake your head. “I want to make you feel good. Can I do that?” you ask as your other hand travels from his hip to cup and gently fondle his balls.

He whimpers in pleasure as you continue to stroke him.

“Do you want to cum in my mouth tonight, baby?” you purr. No longer able to formulate a coherent sentence, he nods his head aggressively.

“Good boy,” you tease with a smirk. Your mouth returns to his cock and joins the hand pumping his shaft. Years of learning each other’s bodies has taught you the tell tale signs of your husband’s orgasms and you can tell he’s close. Very close.

Hollowing out your cheeks, you apply the suction you know he has never been able to resist. You’re determined to suck his soul from his body, gripping him firmly as you furiously work his throbbing length exactly the way you know he likes. Your mouth focuses on his mushroomed head, lips sealed around the tip and tongue lapping against the sensitive frenulum.

Jungkook desperately tries to stave off his release to linger in the wet heat of your mouth. It’s been a while since he’s allowed himself to finish down your throat and he wants to savor it. “Ah, I’m so mad that you’re so good at this” he groans, earning a muted giggle from you. Stuffed full of cock, the vibration sends a thrill up his spine. 

You know Jungkook’s cumming before he can warn you. It starts with a subtle lifting of his balls as they prepare to empty into your eager mouth. Eyes squeezed shut and moaning wantonly, he chants your name over and over as he begins to orgasm. You continue your determined ministrations as his shaft pulses in your grasp.

“Hmmmph- ahh, fuck yes! Oh fuck, so good,” Jungkook whimpers as ribbons of cum burst across your tongue and hit the back of your throat. You quickly swallow his load as he erupts into your mouth. You continue stroking and sucking Jungkook through his high, helping him ride it out until he gently pushes you away when he feels the burn of overstimulation. 

“Good?” you smile up at him and let go of his wilting length to lick at a stray bit of cum from your thumb. You wipe off the remaining spit on your shirt.

“Amazing,” he replies, smiling dazedly down at you. 

You allow him to pull you from the ground up onto the bed with him, laughing when your knees pop loudly in the quiet of the room as you stand up. Giggling, you curl up against his side listening as his heart rate evens out to a steady rhythm. You can't be bothered to care that his skin is tacky with a light sheen of sweat.

You lay against Jungkook for a few minutes as he basks in the afterglow of a powerful orgasm. He pulls you tighter against him, tipping his head down to kiss you for a blow job-well-done. Tasting the residual flavor of his cum, he groans against your mouth, enjoying your combined essences.

Jungkook rolls you onto your back, continuing to kiss you with fervor. The sound of lips and tongues clashing fill the room as the two of you enjoy the simple intimacy of being together. Reaching down, Jungkook spreads your legs apart to make room for him to lay comfortably between your thighs. 

“W-what,” you’re breathless as his lips leave your mouth and travel down your jaw.

“Mmm,” he mumbles against your skin. “It’s your turn now.” He nibbles along your sensitive neck, goosebumps rising with his light touch. 

You run your fingertips up and down his back, scratching along the peaks and valleys of his spine. Leaning his weight into one arm, he uses the other to push up the hem of your shirt, ghosting a hand under to cup a breast. He palms greedily at the flesh as he continues to kiss you passionately. 

“I wanna see you,” says Jungkook. “Can I take this off?” he gestures at his cut-off tank you’re still wearing.

Criss crossing your arms and pulling up by its hem, you bare your chest to Jungkook’s eager eyes. His gaze drops down to admire the bouncing of your tits as you wiggle out of your top. Propping up on his elbows, he ducks his head to capture a nipple between his petal soft lips, coaxing it into a stiff peak with gentle suction and the lapping of his tongue. When your back arches in pleasure and you clutch his head to you, Jungkook takes the opportunity to slide his arms under you to hold you securely to his mouth as he worships at the altar of your breasts. 

“Baby, yes, you’re so good to me” you pant, feeling your arousal generously leak from your core.

Eyes closed and relishing in the sensation, you whimper, sending one hand to grip his long, dark locks and feeling the prickle of his freshly trimmed undercut. With a hand in his mane, you feel him unlatch from your tight bud to plant wet open mouthed kisses around your areola and across your chest. He stops over your heart, lips lingering to feel the rapid thumping rattle your sternum.

Generous with his attention, he moves to nip and suck around your neglected breast. He slurps your nipple into his eager mouth, tongue swirling to tease it to a hard peak. Jungkook's diligent stimulation of your breasts sends sparks of pleasure down to your cunt as he continues to lap at your pebbled beds.

“More, please,” you whine, bucking your hips upwards, hoping to encourage him to touch you where you need it most. 

Hearing you beg so prettily for him slowly coaxes life back into his spent cock. He feels himself begin to swell again against your thigh. Pleasuring you has always been incredibly arousing for him, and he knows with a several more minutes of rest, he’ll be ready to fuck you senseless.

Pulling an arm out from under your torso, Jungkook leans his weight onto one elbow and sends his free hand down between your legs to the treasure between your thighs. His lips pursed around your nipple continues to suckle and tease you into a frenzy. 

The room fills with sounds of your mewling and his blunted goans as he plays the familiar song of your body. His hands brush against the soft black lace as he spreads your legs, positioning you to his liking. 

“So wet,” Jungkook acknowledges with a quirk of his lips, fingers swiping along your slit to feel for your arousal. Bringing those fingers towards his mouth, he sucks your essence from his fingertips, savoring your taste. Jungkook switches nipples again and his fingers, now slickened with his saliva, return to the warmth of your pussy. 

You gasp when you feel him caress at your opening before sinking a lone finger into your tight, wet heat. Jungkook can’t help but grunt as he feels your walls clench around him, excited to feel it around his growing erection. 

“It’s all for you baby,” you praise him, carding your fingers through his fringe and pushing his hair back to get a better view of him suckling at your breast. Your breath hitches when you feel him add a second finger, stretching you open with his long, tattooed digits and curling them against your g-spot.

“Mmm yes- ahh. Fuck me with them,” you plead. Lacking the power to drive you towards an orgasm, he teases you with sensual strokes until your cunt drips down your ass and his fingers come out sparkling with your arousal. Completely at his mercy, you feel Jungkook slow down further. Brat. 

You’re writhing beneath him as he continues his personal brand of slow, pleasurable torture. His lips release your tender nipple and return to your open mouth attempting to swallow your moans. 

“Fuck me harder, please, I need it harder.” you beg, hoping to convince him to finger you to completion. Despite your request, Jungkook stops thrusting completely, opting to curl his fingers and rubbing softly against your g-spot while grinding the heel of his palm just off center from your pulsing clit. Your eyes are closed, but you can feel his gaze on your visage committing your whining and fucked out expression to memory. You’re being uncharacteristically pliant for him tonight- a change that he is very much enjoying. He files it under ‘spank bank material’ for when Beyond ultimately goes back on tour. 

“Please, baby, make me cum. I’m so close.” you try one last time. You’re panting and desperate for release. 

“You’re not cumming tonight unless it’s on my cock,” he grits out. His fingers stay hooked inside you, caressing at your sensitive front wall. Jungkook’s mouth returns to suckling at your pebbled bud and he slowly fucks you open with his fingers. Your cunt quivers and leaks with your arousal, but without the thrusting or clitoral stimulation, you won’t be cumming anytime soon.

“But how-” you glance down, not expecting his nearly fully erect cock. Pleasuring you had sparked his arousal again, the sounds of your approval and sight of your wet pussy glistening with desire has encouraged him back towards full mast. Licking your lips at his growing girth, you push his hand from your core to collect some of your personal lubricant. You wrap your slicked up fingers around his length jacking him to his full potential. 

“Uunffff- ok, ok. Hold on,” he says, reaching out into your bedside table for lube. You hear Jungkook uncap the small bottle and are eager to feel him deep inside you. Quickly flipping onto your front, you prop yourself on your elbows and knees, presenting your husband with your sloppy, swollen cunt- a soundless request imploring him to fuck you from behind.

“I want to feel you deep,” you reason and unable to resist you, Jungkook agrees. Eyes glued to the way your crotchless panties have dampened with your cream, he spreads a generous glob of lube up and down his cock. He wipes the remainder against your labia and rubs some onto your clit making you mewl out for him. He wipes off the residue on your sheets. You’ll have to wash that later.

Taking a moment to admire his view, his hands caress over your hips and ass. “Are you ready?” Jungkook asks, always so considerate of your needs. 

You nod and delirious with lust, you reach between your legs for him, sliding his bulbous tip up and down your slit before pushing your hips back to take him into your awaiting passage. Jungkook descends down creating a canopy with his body, sheltering you with the physical representation of his love. Jungkook’s hands find yours, lacing his calloused palms to the backs of your hands, fingers interlocking. With light pressure, he encourages you to lay your front down onto the bed. He nudges your knees further apart, propping you ass high in the air. 

Positioned to his liking, he takes his first stroke into your eager cunt. Despite his diligent fingering, the fit is still tight, and you feel the initial pinch as he breaches you. You both release matching moans upon your coupling, and you already know you won’t last long after enduring Jungkook's extensive foreplay. He sets a slow pace plunging deep into your velvet heat. 

“Harder, Kook, I’m already so close.” you puff into the sheets, turning your head as far as possible to watch your lover as he takes you from behind. “Please,” you rasp.

No longer denying your release, Jungkook thrusts faster, snapping his hips powerfully with the intent of getting you off. His cock hammers into you and you’re helpless underneath him to do anything but take it. He can already feel you tightening around him deliciously and lets go of one hand to reach down between your legs. With two fingers, Jungkook rubs tight circles around your clit while he continues to drill into your cunt which is just what you need to finally cum.

“Oh, fuck! Ah- ah-ah, Jungkook!” you chant. Your hands furiously grip the sheets trying to hold onto something to ground you as your high threatens to pull you under. Legs quaking and pussy fluttering around him, your walls contract rhythmically around his turgid length as he continues to rigorously fuck you through your orgasm. 

Jungkook whines at the sensations gripping his cock, but pulls out of your spent heat to spare you from the sting of overstimulation. Any other night, he may have considered fucking you into a second orgasm, but tonight feels different. Tonight, he wants to make ardent love to you.

Without Jungkook’s strong frame to hold you up, you crumble limp against the bed. Your ears ring with the aftermath of a good round of fucking. It takes a second to register that he is speaking.

“Can you take more?” he asks. Confused, you look down and see that he’s still painfully hard. Oh. His erection is glossy with your juices, shining as it bobs between his well-muscled thighs. 

“Fuck- yes,” you quickly consent to him. 

Jungkook swiftly rolls you onto your back again and sits up on his knees between your spread thighs. “I love you in these, but I want to see all of you,” he rasps, tugging at your ruined panties and pulling them off while his eyes stay glued on your saturated folds. Climbing back up your body, he spreads your legs wider and leans forward bringing his cock to your core. You look down to watch him steadily thrust his length against your slit, bumping against your clit on the upstrokes. 

Wanting to draw out his teasing, he grips his slickened base and slaps his dick against your slippery folds. Each wet smack sends waves of electric pleasure through your system as Jungkook works you back up. “Just fuck me, baby. I’m ready.” you insist. Your gaze trails up, meeting his heated stare. 

“I want you to keep your eyes on me when I make love to you,” he says, voice dropping an octave. When you nod in understanding, he catches his tip against your entrance and pushes back into your ripe, warm cunt. Your legs immediately wrap around his trim waist pulling him closer and encouraging him to brace the weight of his upper body on his hands. Your ankles interlock against the base of his spine to bring him deeper.

Jungkook starts with long, slow strokes, pulling nearly all the way out of you before feeding his cock back into your sopping pussy. Going slow enough for you to feel every ridge of his throbbing length, he impales you over and over.

Your back arches in pleasure and you have to fight to keep your eyes open for him. Wanting him closer, you greedily reach your hands up to pull him down closer to you, forcing him to drop to his elbows as he continues to give it to you slow and deep. 

Jungkook braces on his forearms and cradles your head. He tilts your chin up to align with his intense gaze as he continues to plow into you. Brow furrowed and eyes locked, your husband watches your dazed and needy expressions while his body and mind make love to yours. 

He’s always so good to you. Devoted and adoring. You’re suddenly struck with the reminder that this beautiful man is yours. Always has been. Always will be. And tonight is a good time to remind Jungkook how deeply you love him. A fear of commitment used to hold you back, but he peeled back your layers and showed you that love didn’t have to hurt. You haven’t been afraid since. Jungkook has the whole of your heart. 

“How did I get so lucky?” you say, reaching up to caress his jaw as he continues to thrust into your depths. “I’m sorry I lost sight of us,” you stutter trying to sound coherent as your husband diligently sinks his thickness into you again and again. “I never meant for you to feel-”

“- I know. And I’m sorry I didn’t communicate better, I just- I’m working on it,” Jungkook cuts you off. He knows this is a two way street. 

“We don’t have to try anymore if you aren’t ready. Pull out and I’ll suck you off again” you offer. If Jungkook isn’t 100% in, you aren’t either. 

“No, I want it. I’m ready for our love to create something beautiful and for everything that comes after that.”

You moan, eyes closing briefly, as Jungkook begins to pick up the pace. The increase in friction against your walls is quickly bringing you towards the edge again. An unexpectedly fierce pump of his hips has you gasping in delight.

“I said-,” Jungkook grunts with another sharp thrust, “-eyes on me, baby.” You pry your eyes open, surprised by his display of dominance and try not to squeal.

Jungkook reaches one hand down to tilt your pelvis back further and you lock your legs up higher on his frame allowing him to shove a pillow under your ass. The new position brings your clit directly under his pubic bone. When he slams back down to stuff you full, he grinds deliciously against you, making you nearly scream out in ecstasy.

“I love you,” you whisper in earnest. “I love you so much,” you moan as Jungkook begins to pound you into the sheets. You’re both quickly unraveling, approaching another high, bodies tingling with impending release. When your thighs begin shaking around him for the second time tonight, he picks up the pace filling the room with a symphony of your euphoria. 

Breaking your eye contact briefly, Jungkook looks down at the juncture of your connection and is enthralled by the visual- his cock coming out foamy with your cream and slamming back into your weeping pussy. Groaning, he suddenly feels the sharp sting of your nails raking down his back as you’re overcome with pleasure. 

“Come on, babe. Cum on my fucking cock,” Jungkook grunts, urging you towards completion. With your hips canted deliciously, he continues to ram directly against your g-spot. 

“Oh fuck, it’s so good. I’m so close,” you babble, feeling Jungkook push deeper against you to stimulate your pulsing clit. Hands clutching your husband and thighs trembling, your eyes slip closed as you finally succumb to his endeavors. You cum with a silent scream, head tilted back and throat exposed as your walls spasm uncontrollably. The wild contracting of your pussy squeezing his cock triggers Jungkook’s own release. His length throbs desperately within your walls as you coax him towards his end. 

“Ahh, I- I’m holy shit- I’m cumming, too” Jungkook whines as he climaxes with breathy whimpers, exploding as he fills you with streams of his ejaculate. He thrusts as deep as he can get while his length continues to spurt inside you, shallowly rutting to ride out his high. 

Panting, he collapses his weight into your waiting arms. “Oof,” you grunt as you feel your husband’s sweaty and spent body pin you against the bed. You let him rest against you for a while, content to feel the warm fullness of his cock and spunk nestled deep inside you.

“Can I stay inside?” he asks shyly. “I just wanna hold you.” You smile and Jungkook holds you close and carefully rolls under you so you can comfortably lay against him. With his arms wound around your waist and your thighs spread wide with his dick sheathed inside you, he ensures maximal skin contact.

Seeing his blissed out face, you giggle as the two of you revel in your post-coital afterglow. His spent length slowly softens letting some of his cum leak from your used hole onto him and the sheets below. You’re definitely going to have to wash these. 

Your fingers find their way into his hair, scratching along his scalp and pushing back his long locks to expose the sexy undercut hiding beneath. Jungkook’s eyes are still closed, but he still leans his face forward knowing you’ll meet his lips with your own. The two of you make out for a little longer, savoring the intimacy shared in your little bubble. 

Jungkook clings to you, preening at your gentle caress and basking in his favorite form of aftercare. Your cunt is runny with lube and your combined releases, but you’re too content to lay with Jungkook in your arms to clean up just yet. You lie wrapped around each other for a few more minutes, mindlessly kissing at his face and neck, whispering praises for his performance.

It’s quiet for a long moment, and assuming he must have fallen asleep as he tends to do after a vigorous round of love making, you attempt to unwind your limbs from his. Grumbling, he tightens his hold around you, preventing you from getting far. 

“Jungkook,” you warn with a laugh, “I have to get cleaned up.”

“Mmm not yet, hold me a little longer” he requests as he burrows deeper in your embrace.

Sighing, you relent, slowly dozing off with your husband in your arms. 

_______________________________________________

When you wake, you find that you've shifted in your slumber. Jungkook's chest is plastered to your back and he has an arm slung over your waist with a hand curled around one of your tits. The mess between your legs has dried making you cringe when you move to get up. Leaving Jungkook who is slowly stirring, you go to the bathroom to shower. 

You step under the spray and let the warm water relax you while you clean off the sweat and unholy mix of bodily fluids from between your thighs. You hum along to the new Beyond the Scene single and sing some of the chorus that you can remember. You exit the shower, wrapping a towel securely around you and return to rouse your sleeping husband.

You find that Jungkook is already awake and sitting against the headboard. “You know, I hope our kid doesn’t inherit your singing voice,” Jungkook cackles, cutting through the silence. 

"Why you-," you gasp, tackling him down into the sheets and laughing along with him. You pin him down and pinch at his nipple in retaliation. It’s not long before he’s pulling the towel from your body and rolling you under him to latch his mouth to your cunt. Before the night is over, he delivers another two orgasms and a fresh load. After all, practice makes perfect.

[shiftings]

scripting

A script is a shifting tool where you describe the details of your desired reality. You don't need to have a script as your mind already knows what you want, so you can shift even withoout one. But it can be helpful to write some things down, especially if you're a beginner.

What does a script look like? A script is different for everyone so feel free to write whatever you feel like writing. For starters, you can write some information about your desired reality self, you can specify where you're shifting to, the year etc. A script can be as detailed or as non-detailed as you want. The length also doesn't matter. 

You can write your script by hand or you can type it in a phone or computer. It also doesn't have to be just words! Feel free to add photos, videos, audios or even make some sketches. 

When you write a script make sure to write using present and past tenses. Just like you would when talking about yourself and the things you have done in this reality. That's because you already exist in the reality you're shifting to. So for example, don't say "I will be called ..." but "I am called ..."

You don't have to write in full length sentences though, you can write in bullet points or as if you’re filling a form.

What should you include in your script? Anything you want. Don't worry if you leave something out of the script, your subconscious mind will fill that in for you.

Can you make changes to your script? Yes you can. You can delete or scribble over things you want to change anytime you want. You should know however that when you change a detail in your script your desired reality becomes a different reality from the one you had before. Say you scripted for brown hair and then changed it to blonde. When you shift you'll be going to a reality that's identical to the first, except that in that reality you have blonde hair. That's because this is how multiple realities work. When you're scripting your desired reality, you're pretty much choosing a reality that fits your description. You're not actually creating it as you write because technically it already exists. But don't worry, because there's so many realities, it's just like 'creating' it. So any reality you can think of already exists. 

Can you change your script while in your desired reality? Some people have scripted to be able to do that through something called the Lifa App. However I don't think it's possible to change a reality you're already in without essentially shifting. So you wouldn't be able to change that reality, only shift to a similar one.

Do you need to have your script memorized? No, like I said earlier, your mind already knows what you want. It's good to re-read it if you recently made any changes just to prevent any confusion. Also re-reading for fun can help you raise your vibrations which help you shift.

Here's an example of what a script can include.

- The desired reality you're shifting to (Is it an anime world, a book world, an alternate reality? What year is it?)

- Your desired self (General information, such as name and age. Personality traits, physical appearance, any talents or special powers? If you're shifting as a character that already exists you can make any changes if you want)

- Your relationships (Family, friends, love interests, pets. What is your relationship with other people/characters? How are you perceived? How are you treated?)

- Safety measures (You can't die, you can't feel pain, you can't get ill etc)

- Time ratio (Example, an hour in your current reality is a month in your desired reality)

- Returning word or action (Example, when you clap your hands twice you will shift back to your current reality)

- Clone instructions (What you want your clone to do while you're in your desired reality if you're shifting while awake)

You can also make changes to the world you're shifting to if it's a book or movie. If you want the storyline to be different, you can script that. You can also script what will happen after you shift, or just leave things to happen naturally. 

If you want to remove or add characters, you can do that too. Adding characters that don't exist in that fictional world is also possible. You want Harry Styles in Hogwarts? You got it. (Remember though that would only be a version of Harry that exists in that reality. Unless a person from this reality shifts with you, they won't actually be there)

Your script can also include your waiting room. A waiting room is a safe personal space you can shift to before shifting to your desired reality. You can shift there even from your desired reality. I will make a separate post about waiting rooms. 

Another thing you can script, which can be helpful when you shift, are shifting signs. For example, script that when you shift to your desired reality you will smell a scent or hear a sound. That way you will know when you have shifted or when you are close.

Scripting Relationships

In the shifting community there’s a discussion whether it's right to script a relationship that's already established. For example saying "In my desired reality I am in a relationship with X person". 

So is it wrong? Technically, there already exists a reality where X person has consented to be in a relationship with you and you're just shifting to that reality. Even if it's not a fictional character but a real person in this reality, you're not violating their consent here. That’s because even if they are identical, they’re not the same person as they exist in different realities.

On the other hand though, if you shift and the relationship is already established, that means you didn’t get the chance to actually form a bond with them and other stuff like that.  Although you already existed in that reality, you still weren't actually there until you shifted, you get me? 

I don't think it's wrong and if you want to script a relationship then go for it. If you don't feel comfortable doing so, then don't do it. It's simply your choice. You can always script that this person finds you attractive, feels good around you, has feelings for you etc and then build your way up from there.

...

So this is what you need to know about scripting if you're new to shifting. I tried to cover everything neccessary I could think of. If you have any questions feel free to ask!

[wibur]

Literally fucked up. i come in today and shes like Did you submit your timesheet. and im like oh sorry i forgot i was sick on saturday. and she was like (pretentious voice) Well i also emailed you. and im like oh my bad. <She did email me but it was literally like 5 minutes before i had to leave the house and most normal people are not checking their email 5minutes before leaving the house. Anyway then i go to submit but the access code for the app has been like removed from my phone And i say this to my manager (not my boss) and hes like Well. here it is. so i put it in and it Doesntwork. and im like um...........well ill just use the work computer. So then i go do that But my password isnt working even though its the right password and i KNOW its the RIGHT PASSWORD (< i always put it in my notes app when i change it). and it only lets you try 3 times before i have to get my boss to let me change my password. so i tell her and shes like (Pretentious)ughh. Well i cant help you right now as im training youur manager(who btw doesnt even really need trained.) anyway all this to say its been 3 hours and i still cant submit last weeks timesheet. and i hope my boss dies

dawg i hate my boss Shes acting like im doing this shit on purpose ITS YOUR PIECE OF SHIT WEBSITE THATS DOING THIS TO ME. THIS IS LITERALLY NOT MY FAULT.oh my god i need to quit. today was supposed to be easy 😞

[sickcyclist]

This is the story of my day. It actually starts yesterday, when a heaven-sent rain swept in and cleared the smoke and cooled the air and tamped down the dust on the trails. I went on a bike ride because days like that are a gift. I have exercise-induced hypoxemia, which basically means that my oxygen drops when I exercise for reasons that we still don’t understand. Exercising with oxygen helps, but I still drop into the mid-80s. I knew I was too sick to ride and that doing so would make me much more sick, but I needed it for my mind so I was willing to sacrifice my body.

So that’s the first lesson of being sick. Everyone tells you that you have to be active and it will make things better and all you have to do is just push yourself hard enough. We’ve internalized this message to the point that many people believe sick people could get better if they just PUSHED. But that’s not always true. Sometimes pushing makes you worse. Sometimes it makes you much, much worse. And that can be true even if being active and pushing hard is something you love so much that it feels like it’s core to who you are.

I knew I would have to sleep for 12+ hours to make up for the ride, and I knew that I would have bad oxygen saturation stats because of it. And since I don’t have a real job, it should be easy to just take a lazy day (or week, or month) and get better, right? But actually I do have a real job and that job is to keep myself alive. It’s the job of a lot of us who are chronically ill, and it’s not a profession I would recommend. It’s not fun and it’s not rewarding and no one admires you for it and you’re not asked to speak to 5th graders on career day and you rarely get to move on to a newer, more interesting project.

Here’s what this particular day at work looked like for me. I woke up to a voicemail saying that my pulmonology appointment for Friday had been cancelled. I’ve been waiting to see a pulmonologist since March and was supposed to have an appointment weeks ago, but that was cancelled because the doctor quit two days beforehand. The other doctor in town couldn’t see me until the end of October, so I looked for a doctor in a bigger town hundreds of miles away. She comes highly recommended and in a way I’m happy because I strongly prefer female doctors, but for whatever reason she had to “clear her morning.” My new appointment is five weeks from now. I got off the phone and sobbed, which is not a good thing to do when your lungs don’t work. I probably could have toughed it up and avoided crying if I hadn’t worn myself down so much biking yesterday, but such is life.

I emailed my primary care provider asking for a note saying I could travel with my portable oxygen concentrator. I was supposed to get this letter from my pulmonologist, but now I won’t have a pulmonologist before I travel. The letter has to say that I use oxygen for sleep and activity, but it also has to specify that I won’t use oxygen on the plane. Which is a little funny because airplanes have extremely powerful oxygen-producing systems for emergencies, but they don’t like people who need oxygen because they don’t like the risk that comes with having sick people on board (think emergency landings). So people who need oxygen all the time need their own oxygen concentrator and battery power for the equivalent of 1.5x the time they will be in the air. I’m going on an 8-hour flight and it would cost about $400 to get strong enough batteries for that length. So I need them to let me carry my machine, which has lithium ion batteries that are otherwise prohibited. But in order to carry my machine I need to prove that I won’t be needing it.

I have a great primary care provider. I knew she would write the note. Easy peasy.

My next voicemail was from the specialty pharmacy that my insurance provider uses for certain drugs. I am allergic to a hormone all women produce as part of the menstrual cycle. This allergy is so severe that it has been responsible for 5 miscarriages, and it also means that I’m more miserable than usual for half the month. The good news is that all you have to do to stop it is take out your ovaries, but when you do that you go into full menopause. Which is not desirable because it increases your risk of cancer and osteoporosis and just overall mortality. Like not even from one thing. Just people who go into menopause early die early from all causes and we don’t know why.

That gives you some perspective on what the benefits have to look like in order for the cost-benefit analysis to still auger in favor of ovary removal. But since it is such a serious choice, you have to be sure. And the way you make sure is to stop your ovaries from working with a drug. The drug has hideous short and long term side effects, so if you feel better while taking it, that’s a pretty strong sign that an oophorectomy is the choice for you.

Approval for me to receive this particular drug was in limbo because the provider accidentally entered the wrong diagnosis. I have, as you can imagine, a lot of diagnoses. Entering the wrong diagnosis in this case was particularly funny because I’ve spent the last 6 months fighting with Blue Cross to get an expensive medicine that helps with my allergies. This medicine (Xolair) is approved for chronic urticaria (hives). It is not approved for progesterone hypersensitivity. I have both, which means I itch a lot for two weeks of the month and itch so much that I want to peel my skin off for two weeks of the month. Blue Cross argued that I wanted the drug for progesterone hypersensitivity. No medical provider said that, but it was the diagnosis they could use to deny the drug. Xolair costs $4000 a month. At that price it’s worth it to them to grind people down and hope they give up. It took four appeals and my lawyer (husband) to get the drug approved because I do indeed have chronic urticaria. It’s worked wonders for me, especially being allergic to the sun. You have no idea how easy it is to descend into madness when you are itchy all the time.

I went over all this with my new OB. I explained that, while the allergy shot solved the itching, it didn’t fix any of my systemic problems, which is why I was still interested in removing my ovaries. And because the conversation focused on how this ovary-suppressing drug (Lupron) specifically wasn’t for urticaria, it’s perhaps not surprising that she accidentally listed urticaria as the reason for the prescription. It’s like when you’re afraid you’ll mispronounce someone’s name. You tell yourself, “Say Kee-a, not Ky-a,” so many times that you’re basically guaranteed to call the person Ky-a.

So my ovary medicine was denied, of course, but I contacted my doctor’s office last week explaining the problem and they were very quick to apologize and resubmit. I returned the call from the specialty pharmacy but apparently they had just wanted to let me know that they were sorry for the delay. It was very polite of them but maybe didn’t require a phone call.

Then I got an email from Blue Cross Blue Shield. I logged in to read that coverage had again been denied (no reason stated) and that if I wanted to appeal the decision I would have to appeal through their specialty pharmacy. They gave me the name and number. Of a different specialty pharmacy than the one I had been dealing with for the past month. The one that I had already wrangled account numbers and diagnosis codes and special customer service phone lines out of. I typed up a polite response inquiring why I need to change pharmacies. And then I cried, but only just a little this time.

Then I called Walgreen’s because my medication for muscle spasms had been delayed and I received a note saying the pharmacist needed to speak to me. I am hypermobile so my connective tissue is just a little too bendy. My joints slip in and out all the time and my muscles have to overwork to hold my body together. Frequently they overwork so much that they lock up. This happens much more frequently in the progesterone-dominant phase of my cycle. Physical therapy is the best treatment, but sometimes I need muscles relaxants before I can even start physical therapy.

The man I spoke to at Walgreen’s told me I didn’t have a prescription for that drug. Then he told me I had a prescription but it had expired in March of 2020. I knew that wasn’t true because I hadn’t used it for years but had to start again when I got COVID. So I had no prescription in March of 2020 but I definitely did in March of 2021. No big deal. Just a simple computer error. Totally understandable in a pandemic, and I knew my doctor would refill it anyway. But he apparently felt that it was a big deal and wouldn’t submit the refill to my provider. I have no idea why. Maybe he thought I was engaged in drug-seeking behavior. Or maybe he was having a bad day. But he wouldn’t submit the refill. I hung up the phone and screamed. Loudly. Which really is not a good thing to do when your lungs don’t work.

Murry came up and rubbed the spasm out of my shoulder and listened to me vent and offered to be my medical power of attorney so he could deal with these people for me. But he’s the one with the real job that earns real money and when I’m sick he also cooks and cleans and does the shopping and walks the dogs. I may not be any good at the shitty job I had, but there’s no way I’m going to make him do it.

I switched tactics and chatted with someone through the Walgreen’s app. He was lovely and had no problem submitting my prescription for a refill. Easy peasy.

My final task for the day was calling to find out about the status of my CPAP prescription. I don’t have sleep apnea but while I’m asleep my breathing does slow down significantly enough that my oxygen drops (hypopnea). I need a special CPAP that adjust the pressure to my breathing, but it will get me off of oxygen at night. I’m very excited for it.

My insurance does not require prior authorization for CPAP prescriptions. However, St. Pete’s has its own prior authorization department that I guess makes sure you are not lying about not needing prior authorization? This department is, apparently, understaffed. I called my oxygen “rep” to find out how it was going. She very kindly bypassed the prior authorization department and called Blue Cross directly. Blue Cross informed her, as had I, that a prior authorization was not necessary. She could officially get me a CPAP.

Except that there is a national CPAP shortage. So she will try her best to get me one as soon as they get more. Hopefully this month. Even the rare, wonderful people who try to help you are sometimes as helpless as you.

I didn’t cry this time. Crying doesn’t fix anything and I can’t risk losing more oxygen. So I turned to writing therapy instead.

This was a bad day at work, but there are rarely good ones. It sucks to be sick, but I’m smart, articulate, overly educated, wealthy, and white. It could suck so, so much more. Someday I’ll turn all of this knowledge that I never wanted into something that helps people other than myself. Until then maybe someone will read this and know they are not alone. If being sick is your job, I see you. I would give you a hug—or a bonus!—if I could.

[softest-cinnamon-roll]

if you’re still doing the half hour challenge, may i ask for “caught?” anything but angst please!

(I didn’t do this as part of my challenge, as I had this idea and this prompt fit rather well! If anyone wants a part two, please inbox me!)

warning: some of this fic can be triggering. It features abuse from Sonia in the form of Munchausen by Proxy and physical abuse. Some of this is both taken from canon as well as the TV show and real life events of ‘The Act’

* * * * *

Carefully, so as not to make a single noise, Eddie opened his laptop and pulled up the private chat he had saved. He smiled, tucking some of the hair behind his ear as he noticed that Richie was online, and he clicked on his name, bringing up their conversations. As soon as he messaged a simple, ‘Hi’, Richie was responding, asking him how he was and what he had been up to.

He looked up, making sure that his mother wasn’t going to barge through the door and find him doing what she had strictly forbidden him from doing his whole life. He had no idea what she might do to him if he was caught talking to Richie in the way he was.

When he was absolutely sure that the ghost was clear, Eddie pressed the call button and the call connected, the screen lighting up with Richie’s face. He was smiling at first, until he saw the state of Eddie’s face and it dropped into a serious frown. In the little screen that showed Eddie’s face, highlighted the dark circles under his eyes as well as the bruising on his cheeks and his chin.

“Holy, holy fuck Eds what...what happened? What did she do to you?” Richie asked in a hushed tone, his hand reaching out as if to touch Eddie, restricted by the computer.

Eddie held back a sob, too scared that any sudden noise might wake his mother up from her sleep and have her barge into the room. “She-she tried to make me take these new pills and I- I told her no,” he explained shakily. “She got so mad that I was talking back to her that she...snapped.”

“Yes, there is,” Richie breathed, also keeping his voice soft so as not to cause too much noise. “Listen to me okay, I’m going to come and get you. You stay right where you are and I promise you I’ll be there as soon as I can.” The look on Richie’s face was one of pure determination, and Eddie felt nothing but love soar in his chest for the man in front of him. Ever since they had met on the chat room app four years ago, Eddie had just known that they had something special.

It had taken him a while to tell Richie the truth of what was going on in his life with his mother. When they first started talking, he had told Richie about all of his illnesses; his asthma, his numerous allergies, his inability to eat properly and hence being fed through a tube. The thing was, none of that was true. Eddie wasn’t sick, in fact, he was probably healthier than Richie. His mother...she was the one who was sick, but she just couldn’t see it.

“How?” Eddie asked, his voice cracking just a little. “How- how are we going to get away from her?” His voice was so quiet now, his heart hammering in his chest. He would have to hang up soon and put the breathing mask back on before his mother wondered why she couldn’t hear it from her room. “She’d just...call the police.”

Richie shook his head, “You’re twenty-two, you said so yourself. She can’t keep you trapped there. If you leave, she has no legal ground to stand on as you are an adult and can make decisions for yourself. You don’t even have to stay with me. I’ll get you out and you’ll be free to go anywhere and do anything you want. The world is your oyster.”

“I- I love you,” Eddie whispered, wiping his nose. “I want to stay with you...and your friends because I love you. We- we deserve a chance to be a real couple, don’t you think?” He asked and Richie nodded his head. “I- I have to go, before she wakes up and gets suspicious.”

Eddie could see that it pained Richie to have to hang up, but he agreed with a nod and a promise to be there for him soon, in the next few days. They would keep in contact via text message until Richie was ready to come to his house. They would have to plan it right out to the very second or things could go very wrong. He couldn’t have anything go wrong, not when Richie was going to be so close to his home, so close to his mother.

They disconnected the call and once the laptop was carefully stowed away, Eddie crawled into bed, pulling the oxygen mask over his head and switching the machine on. It took him a while to actually fall asleep, and when he did it was restless and uncomfortable. The following morning, he was woken up by his mother shaking him awake.

“Ma?” He croaked, opening his eyes as he looked at her. It was clear she was still mad, and in her hand was the bottle of pills she had tried to give him the night before.

She uncapped the bottle and poured the pills onto her hand, “I hope you learned your lesson last night Eddie-Bear. I don’t want to have to do that to you again. Are you going to be your mama’s good boy?” She asked and slowly, with tears building up in his eyes, nodded his head.

Instead of putting them in via the tube, it was like she knew that he knew he was perfectly fine using his mouth. His mother pried his jaw apart and popped two of the large pills under his tongue before holding his jaw shut to make sure that he swallowed them. Eddie didn’t even have a clue what they were for, but he didn’t dare ask.

“I am only doing this to protect you. You need me Eddie-Bear. You need me to take care of you. Out in that world you’d be ripped apart. People are like wolves, and they wouldn’t take a second glance at you before tearing you to pieces.” Slowly, she ran her fingers through Eddie’s hair. “Not here though, not with me. I’ll keep you safe, always. You’re always going to be safe with me. My little Eddie-Bear.”

His mother remained there with him for a few more moments before she left the room to allow him to change. Sometimes, she would insist that she changes him, insist that he was too fragile to keep himself clean. She closed the door behind him and burst into tears, pulling his phone out to text Richie.

[From Eddie - 8.23am] Please...save me.

* * * * * 

@3tothe1 @anellope @annxmatron @appojoos @are-you-reddie-for-it @beepbeeprichiellc @bi-bi-richie @billdenbrough @bitchbrak @callmechee @dadbodrichie @derrylosers @disneyfan567 @eds-trashmouth @eduardoandale @feldmancorey @girasol-eddie @gloire-celeste @halfway-happy353 @hawkinsbabe @inthebreadbinwrites @itfandomprompts @its-stranger-than-you-think @jem-carstairs-is-perfection @kaspzier @lifesucksheres20bucks @loserslibrary @losers-gotta-stick-together @madidraw @mars-14 @marsisaplanetyall @moonlightrichie @nancynwheeler @no-she-wasnt-reddie @oldguybones @pink-psychic @purplepoisonedgem @queen-sock @ransonelovebot @rebecca-the-queen @reddie-for-anything @reddie-to-cryy @reddieforlove @reddiesetandgo @richietoaster  @roobarrtrashmouth @rreddies @s-onora @s-s-georgie @sashadrowned @sedanleystanley @sloppybitchreddie @sparklingrainbowdragon @spirited-marvel @stellarbisexual @studpuffin @takeourpure @that-weird-girls-blog @thegoshdiddlydangdoor @thejadeazalea @thorn-harvester-ven @tinyarmedtrex @tozier-boy @tozierking @toziesque @trashmouthtozierr @twoidiotsinl0ve @violetreddie @virgo-luthie @wilding-throught-thehallways @xandertheundead @xcottoncandykatx 

[fionapilled]

Ok I finished reading through this. I've actually purchased a dumb phone almost a year ago, but I've put off making the change for so many reasons, all of them mostly just fear or discomfort. Her starter phone she recommends is adjacent to the one I have, even. Her argument is impactful, and mostly makes me feel comforted that I wouldn't be alone. She says, "Yes, it will be harder. Yes you might get lost. But wouldn't that be better, even?" and like that, I feel pacified. I feel like I can do it. I am still not sure what to do with my existing smartphone. In terms of..... dual authentification (August has a section on it in her pamphlet), or banking apps or idk when you need to travel. What I really want to do is make the transition, get all my photos off, and then take this thing out back with a baseball bat and give it hell. I'll shoot for that. There's also the dilemma of - the phone is of course a big problem, but honestly I think this whole discussion is more than that even - having internet in the home is, for me, destructive. Digital art is done at a computer, therefore it's done in proximity to endless tabs and notifications and social media and youtube videos. But having internet in the home is not only extremely convenient, it's necessary. Maybe if i lived alone I would forgo paying for internet, and simply wait to go to the library or a cafe to do work - but my partner works from home. I work freelance from home. I'm currently playing with the idea of having two laptops/computers- one for art that is permanently disconnected from the internet, and all it has downloaded is art programs I need, and the other is ofc internet usable, but its furtively tucked away, something I only access when I need to submit final work or quickly save a bunch of reference, or videocall with my friends... I also have an ipad that gets very little use, but maybe ill factory reset it and only keep procreate on it so it can be a digital sketchbook - and ONLY a digital sketchbook. Message me if u want a copy of her pamphlet, it's paywalled but the info is reasonably basic and ultimately if it helps you to make the switch I think the author would be okay with it - but linked above is the paid version if you have the means to support her!

Goddamn I wanna take my iPhone out back and shoot it.

[fbsi]

The FBSI Investigates: Abuse of Technology Power and Access

When I received my first and only state issued mobile phone (iPhone), I was excited. To me it meant, I had reached a new point in my career in which I could be trusted with new responsibilities. Although, I could be trusted, could the technology teams who configured and administer those devices be trusted not to violate my personal security while not at work or using the state issued device?

Unfortunately, they could not. I maintained my personal mobile device and services and only used the state issued device for state business purposes. However, after leaving that state organization and returning the device, I ventured to another state agency and changed my mobile service provider. I decided to try the new mobile service offer by Xfinity mobile. This is where I began to hear via the mobile phone, other people’s conversations. After identifying the issue, I changed service providers again and received a ‘free’ SIM card from T-Mobile and activated my service. When this happened, I heard more than just state agency employees and meetings. I heard conversations from regular everyday people.

After some time and research, I determined that the original state agency who issued the only state issued cell phone I received wanted to retain access to my personal life and data. The ‘free’ cell phone gave them access to my personal information. At that point, I decided to further my research and education on how this was possible and how people can do this with technology. I decided I would need the knowledge and know how to stop this abuse of power.

To do so, I had to combine my existing technology knowledge with the new information and training I gained.

The following is what I’ve learned about mobile security and government systems:

· Active Directory (AD): Activity Directory is a service developed by Microsoft for Windows domain networks. It is included in most Windows Server operating systems as a set of processes and services. Initially, AD was used for centralized domain management. (1)

· Active Sync: ActiveSync is a mobile data synchronization app developed by Microsoft. It synchronizes data with handheld devices and desktop computers. (1)

· Microsoft Intune: Microsoft Intune, which is a part of Microsoft Endpoint Manager, is a Microsoft cloud-based management tool for mobile devices that aims to provide unified endpoint management of both corporate and BYOD equipment in a way that protects corporate data. (1)

· Amazon Web Services (AWS): Amazon Web Services is a subsidiary of Amazon providing on-demand cloud computing platforms and APIs to individuals, companies, and governments.

· SIM Card: A SIM card also known as subscriber identity module or subscriber identification module (SIM), is an integrated circuit running a card operating system (COS) that is intended to securely store the international mobile subscriber identity (IMSI) number and its related key, which are used to identify and authenticate subscribers on mobile telephony devices (such as mobile phones and computers). It is also possible to store contact information on many SIM cards. (1)

· SIM Card Cloning: SIM Cloning. SIM cloning has the same goal as SIM swapping, but cloning does not require calling the mobile carrier. That means taking the SIM card out of the mobile device and placing it into a card reader that can be attached to a computer where the duplication software is installed. (2)

The use of the above services and devices, people with ill intentions were able to access my personal information and life in real time. With the use of the above, people were able to turn on my mobile device cameras and microphones, access my personal emails and photos, as well as record conversations held. Once, those government systems were updated and began to use AWS, I suspected that they had gained access to other government systems and thus I could hear more than what was happening in the city and state I live in.

references (1)Wikipedia (2) https://securityintelligence.com/

[cpw-nyc]

The Lost Art of Having a Chat: What Happened When I Stopped Texting and Started Talking

We are more connected than ever, but we rarely seem to really speak to each other. So, I decided to try.

The Guardian  Rebecca Nicholson

‘People are almost always nicer on the phone than on text.’

Like most people I know, my Weekly Screen Report is obscene. Every Sunday, when the notification pops up to tell me the hours I have wasted, mostly texting, I think about all the things I could have done. Finished Middlemarch. Started Middlemarch. But as I have my phone in my hand, I scroll through Instagram instead. I send an article or a joke to a friend, a picture of the dog to the family WhatsApp, catch up on someone else’s night out. Recently, I clocked up – and I’m ashamed as I write this – six hours and 29 minutes of phone usage in a single day. I have had days where I’ve barely been awake that long. Messages is my most used app. I am talking all the time.

Like most people I know, my Weekly Screen Report is obscene. Every Sunday, when the notification pops up to tell me the hours I have wasted, mostly texting, I think about all the things I could have done. Finished Middlemarch. Started Middlemarch. But as I have my phone in my hand, I scroll through Instagram instead. I send an article or a joke to a friend, a picture of the dog to the family WhatsApp, catch up on someone else’s night out. Recently, I clocked up – and I’m ashamed as I write this – six hours and 29 minutes of phone usage in a single day. I have had days where I’ve barely been awake that long. Messages is my most used app. I am talking all the time.

 But I am rarely talking. For the chatterboxes among us, this is a time of upheaval. The long, spontaneous chat on the phone is going the way of the fax. The percentage of households with a landline that’s used to make calls is declining every year, from 83 percent in 2016 to 73 percent in 2019; the number of calls made on house phones plummeted by 17 percent in 2018 alone. We still use our mobiles to talk – in 2018, Ofcom surveyed mobile users for three months and found only 6 percent of them never made a single call – but we are not talking in any great depth. The same study found that over 80 percent of calls were shorter than five minutes, and the majority were under 90 seconds. I looked at my own recent call list: three minutes, two minutes, five minutes at a push. What can you say in that time? You can only make the point you’ve called to make. 

  I know many will welcome this as a kind of freedom. The very idea of talking on the phone invokes horror among those who claim to loathe it. There are thousands of memes explaining the many ways that talking, not texting, is rude, basically criminal. Calling is not time-efficient, ill-suited to the attention economy, where all eyes must be on several screens at once. You can send messages when you’re doing something else – watching The Irishman, or having a bath, or even talking to another person in real life. My dad recently marvelled at me being able to text with two thumbs; I marvel at teenagers being able to text while talking to you and not looking at the screen. Once technology gave us the ability to easily screen calls, we ran with it. We can ignore the relative who phones with a list of recent hometown tragedies, the work call we don’t feel like taking, our chattiest of friends who might not let us go for an hour. But what happens if you are that chatty friend?

Smart phones are smart enough to tell you that you’re using them too much. The dumb phone is making a comeback. I wondered if it was possible to ride this wave of the digital detox and make a deliberate effort to call instead of text. I wanted to see if it would change my relationships, particularly the ones I had grown lazy about maintaining. The plan was to stay off text and DMs for a solid month. I was fed up of paddling in the shallows. I wanted to swim. If I needed to speak to someone, I’d have to call them. 

 When the writer Elizabeth Wurtzel died in January, a piece she wrote in 2013, about her “one-night stand of a life”, began to circulate again, and it contained one paragraph that hit me particularly hard. “Look at how we live,” she wrote. “We communicate in text messages and emails; even those of us old enough to have lived in a world where landline was not a word because it’s all there was have fallen into this lazy substitute for human contact. I have.” 

 Who hasn’t? It should be easier than ever to talk. There are limitless outlets for publishing our thoughts, endless ways to begin a kind of conversation. Voice memos are popular, particularly among young people, but they’re a halfway house, still one-sided. We talk with one eye on efficiency, and it strangles what is so good about it – the spontaneity, the lack of ability to control what happens when two people are rambling on to each other. 

The psychologist Sherry Turkle has been studying the impact of computers on human psychology since the early 1980s, and in 2015 she published Reclaiming Conversation, in which she referred to “the edited life” that we live now. She spoke to teachers who observed that their students seemed to develop empathetic skills at a slower rate than they would be expected to. “Face-to-face conversation is the most human – and humanising – thing we do,” she wrote. “Fully present to one another, we learn to listen. It’s where we develop the capacity for empathy. It’s where we experience the joy of being heard, of being understood.”  

Are we losing that joy of being heard? Most offices are quieter places than they have ever been. The open-plan rooms I have worked in over the last decade or so are filled with people wearing headphones, silently tapping away on Gchat or Slack. Even workplaces that should invite conversation are making it easier to avoid talking at all. If you stay in a budget hotel, you can check yourself in and out. If you scan your onions on the supermarket’s self- service checkout, you don’t need to chat about what you’re planning to do with them. When it was common enough to be considered a problem, making a phone call on public transport used to be frowned upon. In the early 00s, Dom Joly built a TV career out of shouting “Hello!” into an oversized mobile in public places. Train carriages are now full of heads bowed, illuminated by blue light. A few years ago the Daily Mash ran a much-shared satirical news story: “A northern man has left a trail of terror across London by attempting to interact socially with everyone he meets.” And even in the north, screens have begun to dominate. Quiet carriages are becoming redundant. We are making ourselves quiet.

 In 2014, someone set up a family WhatsApp group. Before then, I spoke to my family on the phone all the time. Now, we spend more time in touch with each other than ever before, yet I miss them. It’s a noticeboard, more than a conversation. The person I still speak to most often, and for longest, is my nan, who is 83. She has a mobile, but doesn’t text. The other day I phoned to see how she was, and she told me a long story about how she was never supposed to have the name that she has, but there were 23 pubs in the village she was born in, and her father stopped in at most of them on the way to register her birth. By the time he got to the clerk, he’d forgotten what he’d been told to call her, so he named her after the clerk instead.

Verbal conversations are unpredictable and unwieldy in a way that those written down are not, because when we type or tap, we are in control, of our side, at least. This ruthless chat efficiency has excised the flab but, I realise, I love the flab. It’s where the excitement happens. I wanted to revive those conversations with everyone. So in my month of no texts, the WhatsApp group would be the first thing to go. I went to delete the app, pressed my finger on the screen, let it wobble – and then I stopped. There was a video of my niece dancing in front of the TV that I wanted to show my partner and I thought, I can just look at the photos and videos, every now and then. Can’t I?                    

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/the-lost-art-of-having-a-chat-what-happened-when-i-stopped-texting-and-started-talking?utm_source=pocket-newtab

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you live with your parents? Yes.

Are there any embarrassing school pictures of you anywhere in your house? All my school photos are stored away. I never liked any of my school photos, well apart from my preschool and kindergarten photos, but I’m old now and it’s whatever. I’m not embarrassed by them anymore.

Can you do a backflip, or anything else of that sort? Nope.

What moment in your life have you been most scared? Before any of my surgeries because all of them weren’t minor surgeries. There’s other moments as well, but those came to mind at the moment.

Do you have any exes you can't stand anymore? Nah.

What happened to cause you to feel that way about them? I just don’t have any bad feelings towards them.

Do you ever make your own surveys, or just take them? I just take them.

What would your parents do if you told them you were pregnant right now? Ha, they’d know I was joking and I would be cause me being pregnant isn’t possible.

Have you ever actually thought you were pregnant? No.

Were you? I’m a virgin. I also can’t get pregnant.

Are you more of a phone or a computer person? I’m on my phone more. I like to use the app version of most social medias except for Tumblr, which is what I use my laptop for the most, and I tend to go on here at night for the most part (except for times like now when I’m actually doing a survey 3:38PM, which is early for me). I even read on my phone using the Kindle app, so I spend a lot of time on it for that reason alone. I have been using my laptop for YouTube now as well; though, cause the YouTube app on my phone for the past few months has decided to just crash all the time and it’s really annoying. I’ll barely open the app to check notifications and it’ll crash a second later. It’s just YouTube that crashes for some reason and my phone and the app are updated, so I don’t know what’s wrong.

Do you like to cook, or do you prefer when other people cook for you? The only thing I cook is ramen and that I like to make myself because I’m particular about it. 

How old do you think you'll be when you move out on your own? I really don’t know. I don’t have any plans to move out for the foreseeable future.

Do you have a job? If so, where do you work? If not, do you want one? No. I’m not able to work right now and fortunately I don’t need to at this time.

Have you ever ripped your pants in public? No.

Do movies such as 'Saw' and 'The Grudge' scare you easily? The Grudge did back when it first came out, but nah it wouldn’t now. I was a big scardy cat back then. I haven’t seen it in years, though. I should rewatch it now with my new (well, the past few years now) love for horror movies. 

Who do you talk to the most on MSN? I’ve never used MSN. Is that still around?

How many best friends do you have? What are their names? My mom.

What's the craziest thing you've ever been dared to do? Nothing.

Did you do it?

Do you know anybody who has a birthday today? No, but it was my older brother’s birthday yesterday.

When is your birthday? How old will you be? I’ll be 32 next July. D:

Do you change the radio stations repeatedly in the car? I haven’t listened to the radio in quite awhile. My parents and brother, the people whose cars I’m in, all listen to their Spotify in their car. 

Can you drive? Nope.

Have you ever thought someone was talking to you, but it turned out they were on the phone? Did you play it off? lol yes. Or thinking someone was waving at me but they’re weren’t. Super embarrassing.

Do you feel bad for homeless people? Yes.

What do you consider to be a good grade? A’s and B’s. 

What do you consider to be a bad grade? D’s and F’s.

Have you ever had a teacher who hated you? No, my teachers all loved me.

Can you remember who your grade 5 teacher was? Did you like them? Yes. I remember crying when I found out who my teacher was going to be because she was said to be mean, but I thought she was really nice. I realized it was the bad kids who thought that about her lol.

What's your favourite TV show? I have several.

In your opinion, who is the best looking celebrity out there at the moment? Alexander Skarsgard, duh.

Do you like peanut butter cookies? Yes.

Do you know anybody that has severe allergies? Yeah.

Do you have an iPod? How many songs are on it? I do, but it’s been stored away unused since 2012. I don’t remember how many songs are on it.

Who was the last person you slow danced with? I haven’t slow danced with anyone.

What was the last song you listened to on repeat? *shrug* I don’t usually listen to songs on repeat. Not literally, anyway. If I’m feelin’ a new song I’ll listen to it often and there’s songs I always like to have on the rotation, but not actually play back to back.

What's your favourite song at the moment? I don’t have one at the moment. I haven’t been listening to music lately. 

Do you prefer headphones or earbuds? Wireless earbuds. Do you ever ride the city bus? How much does it cost you?  I did back in my college days sometimes. I think it was like a dollar.

How do you get to school? I’m done with school.

Speaking of school, do you like it or hate it? I’m doneeee.

Are you a social person? No. Especially not these past few years. I have no social life.

Are you reliable? I feel like I used to be. I’m just such a mess of a person now that I feel like I’m probably not the most reliable. I can’t even rely on myself to take care of myself like I should.

What person/people of the opposite sex do you trust the most? My brother.

What person/people of the same sex do you trust the most? My mom.

Do you say 'like' a lot? Yes.

What is the last book you read? Did you enjoy it? “Run, Run as Fast as You Can” by Willow Rose. Yes, I did. It was the 3rd book in a series that I’ve been enjoying.

Do you buy CDs anymore, or just download the songs? Neither, I just use Spotify.

What is your favourite beverage to have in the morning? Coffee. Always.

Do you scream out the answers will watching game shows on TV? I get pretty into Family Feud.

Who in your life do you care about more than yourself? My loved ones.

Would you ever consider adopting a child with a severe mental illness? I don’t want to have children.

Do you have a brother or a sister? If so, are you close with them? I have two brothers. My younger brother and I are close. My older brother and I don’t have a bad relationship or anything, it’s just different. We don’t see each other as much and we didn’t grow up living together like my younger brother and I did and still do. My older brother is actually my half brother (we’ve never referred to each other as half siblings, though) and a close family friend of my mom’s adopted him because she had him as a teenager and wasn’t able to provide for him at the time and our family friend was older and able. We’ve always been in each other’s lives and he and my mom have a good relationship as well because she was still involved, but again it’s just a different dynamic. Ha, I just decided to spill some tea but yeah there ya go. 

If you are an only child, do you ever wish you had siblings?

When was the last time you were with all of your best friends? My best friend is my mom, who I live with and see all the time. Do you ever go into photobooths?  I have before when I was a kid.

Do you waste money on unneccesary things? There’s a lot of stuff I have that I didn’t need, but ya know what they brought me some joy and I wanted to have them, so I figure if I was able to then why not.

Which wild animal would you most like to have as a pet? Uh, I don’t want to have a wild animal as a pet. 

[a-coldwordsburningheart]

Age: I won't roleplay with anyone younger than fourteen. I have nothing against younger roleplayers but I am not going to plot anything with someone who shouldn't even have a phone or social media at least. (Yes, I am not an oldie, gen z here but this won't change anything.)

NSFW: Mun is over 18. That means this is a free NSFW blog and I am open to roleplay anything but with a discussed plot beforehand. There are some triggers I have (about NSFW roleplay or some NSFW verses) but I'll discuss this with you and ask about yours. I think there's no need to say that I won't roleplay anything sexual with minors. I'll have to ask your age if we do something like this, but only because I need to make sure that I am not doing anything illegal. Else, we can always stick to the romantic part and fade to black.

Shipping: By the way I portray Shoto, he is biromantic. That means that I will ship him with both males and females but I prefer to stick to male characters. As long as the female character is well written, there's always a chance to ship him with her. I have to admit I'm picky with female OCs because in my experience their portrayal is too swallow. Shoto is not just romantic. He needs to share a deeper bond with his partner.

Tagging: I will tag anything NSFW under the tag #|NSFW|. That's because I don't want Tumblr to track the tag and flag my posts. You have been warned. I'll also write NSFW stuff under the Read More tool. When it comes to triggers, I will try and tag some heavy matters under the tag: #|tw:yourwarninggoeshere|. You can tell me your triggers by sending me a message or an ask. Right now I tag those trigger warnings: suicide, mentalillness, torture, parentalabuse. I am a human being so I might forget to tag something, so remind me if I haven't.

Following: I follow back from my main blog @knightinsourarmor . I will follow most of my roleplay partners or those I want to roleplay with but if we don't interact for a long time (a few months) or have stopped roleplaying for various reasons, I will unfollow you. I don't mind not being followed back. This blog will include graphic images of pain and horror or NSFW content so I understand if someone doesn't want to have my posts on their dash.

Post length: My writing style is advanced literate. That means I need more than a paragraph to roleplay with. One paragraph is fine still, but as long as there's something interesting to reply. I don't mind how long your replies are. Just take notice that I will probably mirror you and my reply will be the same length.

Warning: I have written this again but I want to make sure that it's clear enough. I will probably roleplay some heavy matters like mental illness, suicide, torture etc. There are matters I will roleplay that might make some people sick. So either tell me your trigger warning to tag those, either don't follow me. That doesn't mean that if you request me to roleplay something soft or something canon I won't.

Selective: I am selective when it comes to writing. Like I said, I need a paragraph or more to reply. I need to roleplay in third person and I don't roleplay on DM.

Multiple Threads: I don't mind having multiple threads with the same person especially if I enjoy their writing.

Tracking: I used to track my threads with an app but it takes a lot of my time. Now I try to use a tagging system even if it doesn't work as well as I want it to. Don't be scared to remind me to reply on something I might have forgotten.

Reminders: Constant reminders make me lose my interest to the roleplay (if there's any). I understand and appreciate for someone to tell me I have forgotten something. Myself, I will remind someone our thread after a month or even more.

Replies: I am a med student and have to work at the same time. That means that I can be really slow when it comes to replies. I wish you understand and don't feel offended or lose your interest if I take some time to answer our thread. I believe in quality over quantity. Some days I might reply to specific people. That has nothing to do with you or your writing. I just might need to roleplay a specific matter or thread or enjoy someone's writing too much and need to focus on that for some time.

Asks: I will reply any asks. Sending me memes or starters makes me really happy, but I am someone who thinks of those as a chance to start something which has a well-built plot. Short time threads is not my thing.

Games: Tag me to any games and stuff. I love those and there's a chance to show more aspects of my muse. I'd prefer not to reply those as mun though.

Icons: I roleplay with icons but I don't expect you to do so. I edit and make all my icons, so I'd appreciate if you didn't use them/save them for future usage.

Cutting Posts: I have finally found out how to cut posts. Still I don't expect you to do so.

English: English is not my mother language. I have learnt English completely alone and it's something who had been hard for me. I understand telling me if I have made any mistakes or ask me if you didn't understand anything but I won't take any criticism.

Triggers: I don't have any triggers except some NSFW one's like age-play. Those can be discussed only if we go that far.

Time-skip: Well, I'm someone who can enjoy something that is slow. I am pleased with anything as long as there's some really good and inspiring writing (how many times have I said this?). If you start getting bored we can time-skip but I'd want to discuss about this first.

Thank you for reading my rumbling before messaging me first. Please check my Intro and my Basic Info page. Also you can check my Verses and Open Starters. Links are on my description for both computer or mobile users. You can message me and plot any time. Thanks for your time. Just FYI I am a lot like Shoto so I might not be talkative. This is not personal and doesn't mean I am not interested for our muses to interact.

[coldwordsburningheart]

RULES

AGE: I won’t roleplay with ANYONE younger than fourteen. I have nothing against younger roleplayers but I am not going to plot anything with someone who shouldn’t even have a phone or social media at least. (Yes, I am not an oldie, gen z here but this won’t change anything.)

NSFW: Mun is over 18. That means this is a free NSFW blog and I am open to roleplay anything. I have a few triggers that you'll find if you read all of my rules. I don't need to say that I won’t roleplay anything sexual with minors. I’ll have to ask your age if we do something like this. BOTH mun and muses need to be over eighteen. If your mun is not in proper age we can stick to the soft stuff only (hugging etc.) ATTENTION. I do NOT age up Shoto for the reason of smut. If you are not able to understand this, stay away from this blog.

SHIPPING: By the way I portray Shoto, he is biromantic. That means that I will ship him with both males and females but I prefer to stick to male characters. As long as the female character is well written, there’s always a chance to ship him with her. I have to admit I’m picky with female OCs because in my experience their portrayal is too shallow. Shoto is not just romantic. He needs to share a deeper bond with his partner.

TAGGING: I will write smut stuff under the READ MORE tool and I will use the tag: #smut. When it comes to triggers, I will try and tag some heavy matters under the tag: #tw: yourwarninggoeshere. I’ll use a space after ‘tw:’. You can tell me your triggers by sending me a message or an ask. Right now I tag anything that is written in my TRIGGERS PAGE (You can find it on navigation). I tag anything my mutuals have on their rules/about page. I am a human being so I might forget to tag something, so remind me if I haven’t.

FOLLOWING: I will follow most of my roleplay partners or those I want to roleplay with but if we don’t interact for a long time (a few months) or have stopped roleplaying for various reasons, I will unfollow you. I don’t mind not being followed back. This blog will include graphic images of pain and horror or NSFW content so I understand if someone doesn’t want to have my posts on their dash. For me following you, consider that I've already read your own rules and about pages.

POST LENGTH: My writing style is advanced literate. That means I need more than a paragraph to roleplay with. One paragraph is fine still, but as long as there’s something interesting to reply. I don’t mind how long your replies are. Just take notice that I will probably mirror you and my reply will be the same length.

WARNING: I have written this again but I want to make sure that it’s clear enough. I will probably roleplay some heavy matters like mental illness, suicide, torture, etc. There are matters I will roleplay that might make some people sick. So either tell me your trigger warning to tag those, either don’t follow me. That doesn’t mean that if you request me to roleplay something soft or something canon I won’t.

SELECTIVE: I am selective when it comes to writing. Like I said, I need a paragraph or more to reply. I need to roleplay in third person and I don’t roleplay on DM.

MULTIPLE THREADS: I don’t mind having multiple threads with the same person especially if I enjoy their writing.

MAINS: I have blogs/threads which I prioritize over others. This isn't personal. I just feel more motivated to reply to those. I don't have exclusives.

TRACKING:  I usually track my threads with an app but it takes a lot of my time. I try to use a tagging system even if it doesn’t work as well as I want it to. Don’t be scared to remind me to reply to something I might have forgotten. I could possibly forget to add it to my tracker.

REMINDERS: Constant reminders make me lose my interest in the roleplay (if there’s any). I understand and appreciate for someone to tell me I have forgotten something. Myself, I will remind someone of our thread after a month or even more.

REPLIES: I want to study as a med student and have to work at the same time. That means that I can be really slow when it comes to replies. I wish you understand and don’t feel offended or lose your interest if I take some time to answer our thread. I believe in quality over quantity. Some days I might reply to specific people. That has nothing to do with you or your writing. I just might need to roleplay a specific matter or thread or enjoy someone’s writing too much and need to focus on that for some time.

ASKS: I will reply to any asks. Sending me memes or starters makes me really happy, but I am someone who thinks of those as a chance to start something which has a well-built plot. Short time threads are not my thing.

GAMES: Tag me to any games and stuff. I love those and there’s a chance to show more aspects of my muse.

ICONS: I roleplay with icons that I have made myself. I don’t expect you to do so. Please, do not steal my icons. Some of them are edited manga screens which I might have spent a lot of time on. Especially my villain Shoto one’s.

CUTTING POSTS: I have finally found out how to cut posts. Still, I don’t expect you to do so.

STARTERS: My open starters are actually open to everyone. Then I'll reply to another post and tag you. If I offer to make a starter and you accept and you don't reply after a month, and if I have messaged you and you haven't responded but you are actually active, sorry but no matter how specifically we have plotted our thread, I'll assume you are not interested anymore and turn it to an open starter. I put some time on those and I don't want it to be to waste.

ENGLISH: English is not my mother language. I have learnt English completely alone and it’s something that had been hard for me. I understand telling me if I have made any mistakes or ask me if you didn’t understand anything but I won’t take any criticism.

TRIGGERS: My triggers are pretty funny. So please, I'd love if you could tag anything that is related to aliens. Mostly images because I can easily freak out about those. That's something I have since I was a kid and I can't get rid of it. Also, cockroaches. Please, please do not use them in metaphors in our threads, tag if you have memes about those and all that kind of stuff. I'd appreciate that A LOT. Another trigger that is about smut (jump to the next rule if you are a minor) is age-play. I've read some sick stuff on Ao3 so do not even discuss roleplaying something in that sort of thing.

TIME-SKIP: Well, I’m someone who can enjoy something that is slow. I am pleased with anything as long as there’s some really good and inspiring writing (how many times have I said this?). I can keep a thread for years (and I have) and not be bored of it. If you start getting bored we can time-skip but I’d want to discuss this first.

MEMES/FANART: This is something I had recently started to be annoyed with. Please, do not use me as meme or fanart source. This goes for roleplay partners or not. Please, reblog memes AND fanart from the source.

SPOILERS: This blog is not spoiler free. I am caught up to the manga. I will tag spoilers from the latest chapters ONLY as: #|bnhaspoilers|. You have been warned. 

THANK YOU FOR READING MY RUMBLING BEFORE MESSAGING ME FIRST. PLEASE CHECK MY INTRO AND MY ABOUT PAGE. ALSO YOU CAN CHECK MY VERSES AND OPEN STARTERS. LINKS ARE ON MY DESCRIPTION FOR BOTH COMPUTER OR MOBILE USERS. YOU CAN MESSAGE ME AND PLOT ANY TIME. THANKS FOR YOUR TIME. JUST FYI I AM A LOT LIKE SHOTO SO I MIGHT NOT BE TALKATIVE. THIS IS NOT PERSONAL AND DOESN’T MEAN I AM NOT INTERESTED FOR OUR MUSES TO INTERACT.

[organage0-blog]

TomTom To generate Absolutely free Lane Assistance, Textual content

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A specific thing of Linguatec, Sound Readers converts practically any written text to voice expertly doing work with organic and natural sounding sounds in numerous spoken languages with personal pronunciation alterations. Software acquired from the whole Workplace Maintain typically usually are not controlled using the Sea salt in addition have different license terms that utilize. Our textual content to conversation application package is uncomplicated to use as it truly is feasible to just copy and paste your textual content and then choose within the function you would like your pc to read it for you personally privately straight or help save it as being obtaining an Audio music as the agent to give consideration for later.

[a-heavenlyxsoldier]

Age: I won’t roleplay with anyone younger than fourteen. I have nothing against younger roleplayers but I am not going to plot anything with someone who shouldn’t even have a phone or social media at least. (Yes, I am not an oldie, gen z here but this won’t change anything.)

NSFW: Mun is over 18. That means this is a free NSFW blog and I am open to roleplay anything but with a discussed plot beforehand. There are some triggers I have (about NSFW roleplay or some NSFW verses) but I’ll discuss this with you and ask about yours. I think there’s no need to say that I won’t roleplay anything sexual with minors. I’ll have to ask your age if we do something like this, but only because I need to make sure that I am not doing anything illegal. Else, we can always stick to the romantic part and fade to black.

Shipping: By the way I portray Castiel, he is biromantic. That means that I will ship him with both males and females but I prefer to stick to male characters. As long as the female character is well written, there’s always a chance to ship him with her. I have to admit I’m picky with female OCs because in my experience their portrayal is too swallow. Castiel is not just romantic. He needs to share a deeper bond with his partner.

Tagging: I will tag anything NSFW under the tag #|NSFW|. That’s because I don’t want Tumblr to track the tag and flag my posts. You have been warned. I'll also write NSFW stuff under the Read More tool. When it comes to triggers, I will try and tag some heavy matters under the tag: #|tw:yourwarninggoeshere|. You can tell me your triggers by sending me a message or an ask. Right now I tag those trigger warnings: suicide, mentalillness, torture, parentalabuse. I am a human being so I might forget to tag something, so remind me if I haven’t.

Following: I follow back from my main blog @knightinsourarmor . I will follow most of my roleplay partners or those I want to roleplay with but if we don’t interact for a long time (a few months) or have stopped roleplaying for various reasons, I will unfollow you. I don’t mind not being followed back. This blog will include graphic images of pain and horror or NSFW content so I understand if someone doesn’t want to have my posts on their dash.

Post length: My writing style is advanced literate. That means I need more than a paragraph to roleplay with. One paragraph is fine still, but as long as there’s something interesting to reply. I don’t mind how long your replies are. Just take notice that I will probably mirror you and my reply will be the same length.

Warning: I have written this again but I want to make sure that it’s clear enough. I will probably roleplay some heavy matters like mental illness, suicide, torture etc. There are matters I will roleplay that might make some people sick. So either tell me your trigger warning to tag those, either don’t follow me. That doesn’t mean that if you request me to roleplay something soft or something canon I won't.

Selective: I am selective when it comes to writing. Like I said, I need a paragraph or more to reply. I need to roleplay in third person and I don’t roleplay on DM.

Multiple Threads: I don’t mind having multiple threads with the same person especially if I enjoy their writing.

Tracking: I used to track my threads with an app but it takes a lot of my time. Now I try to use a tagging system even if it doesn’t work as well as I want it to. Don’t be scared to remind me to reply on something I might have forgotten.

Reminders: Constant reminders make me lose my interest to the roleplay (if there’s any). I understand and appreciate for someone to tell me I have forgotten something. Myself, I will remind someone our thread after a month or even more.

Replies: I am a med student and have to work at the same time. That means that I can be really slow when it comes to replies. I wish you understand and don’t feel offended or lose your interest if I take some time to answer our thread. I believe in quality over quantity. Some days I might reply to specific people. That has nothing to do with you or your writing. I just might need to roleplay a specific matter or thread or enjoy someone’s writing too much and need to focus on that for some time.

Asks: I will reply any asks. Sending me memes or starters makes me really happy, but I am someone who thinks of those as a chance to start something which has a well-built plot. Short time threads is not my thing.

Games: Tag me to any games and stuff. I love those and there’s a chance to show more aspects of my muse. I’d prefer not to reply those as mun though.

Icons: I roleplay with icons. I don't expect you to do so.

Cutting Posts: I have finally found out how to cut posts. Still I don’t expect you to do so.

English: English is not my mother language. I have learnt English completely alone and it’s something who had been hard for me. I understand telling me if I have made any mistakes or ask me if you didn’t understand anything but I won’t take any criticism.

Triggers: I don’t have any triggers except some NSFW one’s like age-play. Those can be discussed only if we go that far.

Time-skip: Well, I’m someone who can enjoy something that is slow. I am pleased with anything as long as there’s some really good and inspiring writing (how many times have I said this?). If you start getting bored we can time-skip but I’d want to discuss about this first.

Thank you for reading my rumbling before messaging me first. Please check my Intro and my Basic Info page. Also you can check my Verses and Open Starters. Links are on my description for both computer or mobile users. You can message me and plot any time. Thanks for your time. Just FYI I am a lot like Shoto so I might not be talkative. This is not personal and doesn’t mean I am not interested for our muses to interact.

[crystal-snowing]

different | kim taehyung

summary: months after the incident, kim taehyung still wonders if he made the right decision. 

genre: angst

a/n: i’m sorry this took so long, college apps have opened and i’m swamped trying to get those out and finish my summer assignments !! i also have carpal at the moment and it’s making it hard to type for a really long time on my phone or computer :)) 

part one 

Kim Taehyung has made a series of bad decisions in his life, but he was pretty certain that breaking up with you had been his worst one yet. And as the sky began to darken above him and rumble in disapproval, he was pretty sure that nature agreed with him. He could remember himself walking out that door feeling as if a giant weight was lifted off of his shoulders, but as he stepped outside and was drenched in the pouring rain, he started to have some regrets. Instead of addressing them, he simply shrugged them off as guilt for leaving you alone like that, pangs of sympathy—wishing that he could do something to ease your pain. Even though he was in love with [Y/B/F/N] did not mean that he automatically stopped caring about you. The two of you had spent over a year together, living and spending time with one another—and just because he feelings seemed to have shifted, doesn’t mean that somewhere in his heart there was a part of him that still loved you. 

Despite you kicking him out of the shared apartment, there were still multiple times that he attempted to reach out to you in order to get some sort of closure between the two of you. His texts began annoying you since he first started sending them to you, and there was the urge of wanting to delete and block his number. But every time your finger hovered over that button, you always hesitated before ultimately groaning in frustration and throwing your phone across your bedroom. You were a sucker, and especially when it came to him you were weak. After everything that he put you through, you couldn't find it in yourself to completely hate him. 

And oh boy, have you tried. 

It was only common sense, yet there was something about Kim Taehyung that made it difficult. Who was he to have this much power and control over you, to make you feel like this? You couldn’t help but scold yourself for placing this much trust and faith into a man like him, laughing at how naive and foolish you really are. Is it too much to ask to be loved? Is it too damn much to ask for just one time, the universe could let you have your way? Apparently you were being too greedy and selfish, instead doomed to live  a life of perpetual heartbreak and loneliness.

Each rejection seemed to sting a bit more than the rest, and take longer for you to fully heal and move on. This time, moving along was a bit more difficult than your previous boyfriends and this was because an even bigger hiccup in your plans—which came in the form of your best friend and your newfound ex-boyfriend. In your previous relationships, [B/F/N] has stuck by your side, apologizing and helping you clean up the mess that was left behind. And yes, it did it burn. Your best friend, the one who stole the love of your life countless times—the supposed object of your hatred, helping you fix the mess that she caused. Yet, this time it was as if she was pouring a bit more salt on the wound, and a week after Taehyung and you broke up, you found them holding hands and walking around town together. And if it was even possible, you could feel your heart being stomped on and crushed into thousands of pieces. 

Even then, you still couldn’t blame her, after all, just like you deserve to be happy, she deserved happiness too—even if her lover happened to be the one who you thought would be different from the rest, the one you thought could be the one. Now, it seemed like you have been isolated from the rest of the world, far away from any type of contact with the outside world. And at this point, you were certain that you were going to live out the rest of your life like this—alone and lonely. 

It seemed that [/B/F/N] has overtaken every aspect of Taehyung’s life, filling the spaces that you once occupied. At first, he enjoyed the feeling. [B/F/N] was everything that he could possibly ask in a partner, and everything was just new and exciting—and for the first time in a long time, he thought that he was truly in love again. But this sense of euphoria was ephemeral, and as soon as it started, it was gone. There was something that didn’t feel right with him and the same feeling as before began rising up in his stomach, before it seemed to overtake his entire body. Everything with [B/F/N] just didn’t feel right, like there was something off when they held hands, kissed, or even the way [B/F/N] felt in his arms. It wasn’t until one day, when he was lounging around in his apartment with his current partner sleeping on his lap did a vivid memory of you come racing back to him. 

The scene was practically the same, you head was in his lap, the afternoon sun shining onto your figure and making you look like an absolute angel. He could feel the softness of your hair as he ran his fingers through it, toying with it as you both took in the peaceful atmosphere. The television was playing something in the background, the murmur of it gave the room enough white noise to feel comfortable while not being too loud that it drowned out the sound of your conversation.

“You know, I think I want to marry you someday,” Taehyung breathed out, toying a strand of your hair around his finger. You couldn’t help but feel a smile overtake your lips, turning ever so slightly so that your eyes locked with his own. 

“Oh, really?”

“Hear me out, babe. We have a small but stylish wedding, just our friends and family, maybe in the countryside somewhere or on the beach. Then, we’ll go anywhere you want for our honeymoon, Paris, Hawaii, Mexico—you name it, and we’ll go. And then, I can’t wait to settle down with you, have a couple kids running around and just spend the rest of our lives together, because you’re the one for me.” 

Leaning in, you pressed a chaste kiss against his lips, lacing his hand with your own. He could feel his body burning with so much love and admiration for you, his heart hammering against his chest as he clutched your hand in his own. 

“And you, Kim Taehyung, are my one and only.” 

It had made him sick to his stomach in that moment, [B/F/N] was laying across his body, the unfamiliar scent and position made him violently ill—as he stood, running to the bathroom before vomiting into the toilet. Vaguely, he could hear his lover rushing towards his  side, rubbing his back and the mantra of “are you okay?” only making him feel even more sick. He yanked his body away from his lover’s grasp, closing the bathroom door in a huff, before flushing the toilet and sitting down on it—his head placed in his hands. 

In that moment, he knew that he had fucked up. 

There was no way that he could convince himself that [B/F/N] was you, everything was just wrong about this relationship now and he now felt completely awful about his current predicament. You had divulge everything to him, especially how your greatest fear about starting a relationship with him was the fact that he was going to leave you for your best friend, and instead of keeping his promise, he used this weakness against you and became the one person that you despise the most. 

At that point, the two of you had been dating for two years and Taehyung that you were the one. You were his everything, and god, he even thought that he was going to marry you. Then it seemed like [B/F/N] had collided with him—blinding him in a moment of weakness, hypnotizing him and causing him to destroy everything the two of you had in the name of a better love. Kim Taehyung was a weak man, and it seemed like you were not the only person that could bring him to his knees. And after everything, he still had regrets. 

Breaking up with his current lover was a struggle, but somehow he managed. It was obvious that there was no possible way that they could remain lovers after this, [B/F/N] obviously hurt by his actions—ultimately leaving him with some parting advice. He could still see his former lover’s figure, his/her figure turned away from him, quickly wiping away the tears that began to silently slip down his/her cheeks. 

“I’m sorry for being selfish Taehyung, it was wrong of me to even think that you could love me as much as you loved [Y/N]. Go, and for both of our sakes, let’s not keep in contact.” 

And he was surprised to realize how painless that truly was. Sure, it was heartless to say the least, but he realized that after the initial infatuation, he no longer felt anything for his former lover. Turning his back and throwing his shoes as fast as he could, he made his way out of the silent apartment and into the slightly cooler night air, running—sprinting his way over to your apartment. Of course he realized how late it truly was and how disgusting the weather was, the moon’s light dimmed by the amount of clouds that hung in the sky, the humidity so thick that he was practically swimming instead of running. But this was a matter that couldn’t wait until morning, and at this moment in time, he was a desperate, desperate man. 

That’s how you found him, the hallway’s dim light illuminating the face that you haven’t seen in months, the one that even after all this time has haunted you. He seemed to always make it a habit, going out in the rain with nothing to protect him as his soaked clothes dripped onto your carpet. You should have just left him there, dripping in front of your apartment door, cold and miserable, then maybe he would know how you felt those many months ago. But, in more ways than one, deep down inside, you knew that you were still a sucker for this boy and a few months apart definitely would not change that. With a deep sigh, you opened the door a little wider to let him inside. 

He stood there, dripping onto your carpet, with the towels that you brought him, like a lost puppy. Your apartment was dead silent, awkwardness hanging in the air as you stood in front of him, a few feet away. Wrapping the blue towel a little tighter around himself, he spoke, a sound that has haunted your dreams ever since the breakup. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have, I was stupid and dumb and an idiot to see everything that was in front of me. You, [Y/N], you’re my whole life, my world and I really fucked up,” he laughed bitterly, shifting the weight on his feet as he met your eyes. “I broke my promise and destroyed every ounce of trust you had in me, and I understand why you would hate me, I understand why you wouldn’t even want me to be here, but please, I just want you to talk to me—to yell at me, call me every single name under the sun, please do something." 

“You broke your promise," your voice was clear and crisp in the silence. 

“I know, and I swore to you that I would be different. But I was an idiot, and I still am an idiot.  I'm so fucking sorry [Y/N], I was selfish and stupid—” 

Taking a deep breathe (with a shake exhale) did you finally take a step closer to him and cut him off. "It's okay Taehyung, I forgive you," but before he could speak again, you continued, "but, the answer to your question is no." 

One of his perfectly arched eyebrows were raised on his forehead, his perfect lips making a slight ‘o’-shape as he opened his mouth to speak, yet you beat him to it. 

“It’s over Taehyung, and I think it’s best for both of us if we both go on our separate ways and move on,” there was no malice in your voice or in fact any emotion at all. Instead, you were telling him what he needed to hear—the truth. Any possible future between the two of you was over the minute that he told you he loved [B/F/N], and rekindling something like this would only reopen old wounds. And deep down, he knew that he blew it, that this was the end and there was nothing that he could do to change your mind. 

“I still love you,” his voice was barely above a whisper, as he placed the towels gently on the floor and looked at your face for a final time, studying it and attempting to commit every little detail down to memory. 

“I know.” 

And with the final click of the door, his shadow turning down the hallway, your apartment was as quiet and still.