#and if i cannot fast for two days or more i’m just not trying hard enough

[lqnar]

Mfw i want to break my fast but i remember some guy on reddit fasts for way longer w ease and doesnt havf anoreixa so im being a bitch and should just keep going bc it’sso easy to just not eat what kind of fatass am i

[nymphomatique]

wanna sit on nerd miguel’s face while i use my phone to snap other guys that’s my little chair fr😔😻

this just changed the trajectory of my life in a way you cannot understand.

cw: slight d/s dynamics, sending nudes, munch miguel makes an appearance once more, bro literally FEASTS, new character yippee (v minor), brief choking (more like a neck squeeze tbh), praise, squirting LOL, miguel gets kicked out again 😔 reader catching feelings?? we may never know. semi proofread today i felt nice. this is a longer one than usual, so enjoy!

“stop fuckin’ squirming down there and eat me out properly,” you say, looking down at miguel. his eyes are hazy and hooded, his glasses somewhere on the bed, his brown eyes clear as day. you grip his head by his hair and position him to where his nose brushes above your clit, and you moan at the feeling. “l-like that, okay miguel? be good for mommy.”

miguel takes heed of your instructions and begins to lick, suck, and thrust up into your wetness, making it hard for you to maintain something relative to your composure. in the throes of miguel’s mouth work, your phone screen, next to miguel’s head, lights up with a snapchat notification from none other than the star quarterback of your school, peter parker. you bite the corner of your lip, mouth pulling up in a smile at an idea. you grab your phone and open it to snapchat, seeing peters name at the top of your snap list. you open his snap and it’s a picture of him shirtless, abs on display, his happy trail just peeking over the band of his pants. his snap is captioned with text reading ‘wyd?’

you prop your camera up, angling it enough that miguel’s face and your pussy are out of frame. miguel stops for a moment to ask what you’re doing, but before he can get a word in you speak up, “if you stop, this will be the last time i ever let you touch me. got it? keep fucking going.” and wordless, miguel does as he’s told, going back to eating you but with a new energy this time. it catches you off guard a bit, and you let out a light f-fuck in response, but you don’t let it derail you from answering peter back.

peter. you and him have had.. complicated history to say the least. since high school, the two of you ran in the same social circles, with him being on your high school football team and you, a cheerleader. a true status quo. the two of you had ended up attending the same underaged parties, hooking up and even going steady for some time, until the blonde busty thing known as gwen stacy walked into your high school in sophomore year and made her claim on your then boyfriend. you figured it out after you walked in on them under the bleachers post-game, the spot where you habitually got on your knees to congratulate peter for his win. you stayed with him after a profuse apology and intense “i’m sorry” fuck session, to your dismay, but broke up with him in the beginning of your senior year. now, you two fuck from time to time, scratching an itch when you have it.

you look back at the tease of a photo on your phone, your tits spilling out your plunge neck crop top and your abdomen cutting off right above your pubic area, your pink thong still visible coming up the sides of your hips. you feel miguel plunge his tongue into you, causing you to fall forward, steadying yourself with one hand, phone in the other. “keep this up and i’m gonna squirt on you, but i bet you’re into that huh?” you laugh out a little, miguel moaning into you in response. you try not to get distracted and caption your snap to peter ‘nothing really’ and press send.

immediately, you see that he opens it and he replies just as fast, this time the photo of him in grey sweats with a visible tent, layer out on his bed. the caption attached, ‘wanna turn your nothing to a something? ;)’ and you roll your eyes. you move to answer him with another midriff picture, but you change your mind. “hey, look at me dweeb,” you say, turning the camera so that it’s capturing the angle of miguel’s mouth on your pussy, covered in spit and your juices. he looks up and sees the camera of your phone pointed down towards him and he goes red in the face and tight lipped. “remember what i told you about stopping,” you remind him, and he maintains eye contact with the camera as he goes back to lick a strip up your pussy, from your leaking hole to your clit. you move your unoccupied hand to his face, palm to his cheek as you slowly caress him with your thumb. “that’s a good boy.”

you move your hand from his cheek, trailing softly down to his strong neck and you wrap your hand around his neck and squeeze. at the pressure he lets out a groan, his hands moving to grip your thighs tighter to his face. “fuck miguel, you’re making mommy so happy right now- ah! fuck, just like that. keep doing that, o-okay?” you moan out. he says nothing, his eyes, still maintaining contact with the camera, clouded with lust, answering for him.

you snap a picture, turned on at the lewdness of it. it’s your pussy on miguel’s face, pink panties pushed to the side as his mouth is sucking on your clit, his hands gripping the fat of your thighs, and your hand around his neck at the same time. you make quick work to save the photo and caption it ‘busy, sorry’, feeling your orgasm approach. you press send and drop your phone, ignoring the back to back buzzing, probably of peters reply to your salacious snap.

a steady heat begins to boil in the pit of your stomach, and you keen forwards, your hand leaving miguel’s neck to grip the white sheets on your bed. “i’m gonna cum, i’m gonna cum, i’m gonna-“ and with that, you feel the pleasure within you tighten then burst, like a damn breaking way, and you begin to tremble as miguel continues his work down on you. the overstimulation begins to hit you, and you feel a spurt of liquid leave your body and miguel groan and suck. “oh my god,” you heave out, “st-stop, no more.”

miguel places a final kiss to your mound as he moves to lift your limp hips for you. he feels sheepish how, his sweater and mouth drenched with your liquids. he wipes his lips and makes way to speak to your still firm on the bed. “are- are you okay?”

you say nothing, grab the nearest pillow you have, and throw it at him. miguel dodges and understands that means get the fuck out.

after collecting yourself, your body still spent and sheets still wet, you roll over on your back and grab your phone to look at what peter replied to you. you open his snap, and laugh a little at his responses.

peter 🚮

| is that fucking o’hara..?

| you’re fucking with me???

| fucking whore

| you sleep with nerds now??

you make way to reply to peter one more time, opening the camera and taking a picture of the wet bedsheets, caption it ‘nerds that can make me cum? yeah’ and unadd him after.

you finally haul yourself up to change your sheets when you see miguel’s glasses on your bed. you grab them and put them on your nightstand, feeling heat rush through your blood to your face, thinking of him and the mess he made of you.

fucking dweeb.

[shiningmystic]

Messages from your Spirit Guides PAC 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

─── ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ────── ───

Welcome friends, to your sprit guide reading whoever your guides may be they always respond to you.

I only call upon the spirits that look fondly upon you and see the being beneath all the judgement and ego, there is just essence. Unconditional love is what I always dip down to even if there are days that I cannot do it for myself, I know it is always present and that gives me much comfort on my worst days. Mental health awareness is real and always check in with yourself especially being chronically honed in on the bad shit that happens around you or is happening. Cultivating slowness is an everyday job for all of us but when we do it we do become thankful. I'm a bit rusty so forgive me if some of my words may be repetitive. Drop a follow to know when I post another general reading!

Pick your Photo:

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Pile I: colors of light 🧚🏾‍♀️

The lovers (rx), 6 of pentacles, 9 of pentacles, the heirophant (rx), 9 of wands (rx)

Back of the deck: ace of cups (rx), knight of swords, 7 of cups

Pile one to begin, your guides sent me images of the sun peering through glass and reflecting rainbow colors which really makes me feel as though you are a deep person but from day to day you may feel dull. Your guides are reminding you, sending you messages of your inner light and how it shines out even if you hide it and reflects back in people places or things. There is a lot about beauty here and how to stay genuine to yourself; your beauty is unique and comparing your beauty to someone else’s is a crime against them and you. If you genuinely don’t think you’re beautiful on outside, then there are always ways to work with what we have when we are ready to tackle it (honestly sometime i need to cry it out). Now on with the card pull:

Wow, I feel a lot going on with so many messages, I’ll try and keep it concise.

First message: you will always be enough is a huge message. It doesn’t matter even if they left you, even if someone who you loved told you that you were too much or even feeling that way towards yourself and your guides do not agree. The more we believe that the more we hurt ourselves and continue to prove it right. Even if you are ‘too much’ there are people out there that would disagree. - huge lesson I’m learning is that two truths can exist at the same space even if they oppose the other. For example, when I talk about my trauma, I feel vulnerable and fearful yet after the fact I feel both emotions, strong and weak. Both fear and strength. You are not to much and even if they couldn’t handle you, your a whole lot of love and light especially from the energy from the image.

Message two: some of you are away from family or your country, things are changing and it’s overwhelming in many ways. There is a lot of choices and a lot of overwhelming feelings towards making them. Your guides are advising you to trust in yourself and ignore the voices around that do not harbor understanding. Trust in your own judgment and believe in what you’re doing because it is your life and your actions that shape it; you will be the one living with it so always believe in yourself, you know what’s best for you and even when we make that mistake, we need a gentle reminder that mistakes are apart of success. if you don't give yourself the space to learn then you will continue to never know what is for you.

Message three: it’s always you pile one that always gets the message to be kinder to yourself; life isn’t a strict fast paced all or nothing (obviously life is very hard now for many.) but your guides are reminding you life will have its downs and if you can’t take time for those downs then they will be crashes. I’m feeling loved ones coming through this pile, so just know your guides understand your struggle and want to remind you as well that they are always with you.

Lots of burn out energy, you are so strong, please believe me when I say you are enough.

To the lovely humans who broke up with someone or let go of a person who you love but was toxic, you did the right thing for yourself, i send you love my love.

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Pile II: Stepping stones ☄️

8 of cups, the hierophant, 7 of cups (rx), ace of pentacles, temperance, the moon

Back of the deck: queen of wands and 2 of cups (rx)

Right now you’re stepping up to the unknown, it’s natural to be fearful of risk. Pile 2 I sense that good things will come to you when you make the choice, even with hesitation don’t doubt the choices you have already made. all we can do is what we know now. the effort you put into your work will pour back into you. I can sense a lot of hesitation but still moving forward and that takes courage! Your guides are proud of you stepping up to the plate.

I can see some people going back to school and graduating scared that they will never find stability. Some of you are taking chances and starting businesses especially creative ones (relatable content). Your guides are supporting you on your financial endeavors and know the future feels scary for many.

It’s very unstable in many places right now so I understand the confusion and the fear but the pendulum always swings back and things always go back into balance again even by force (which we shouldn’t let it to come to an extreme but whatever.) You are strong people but this creativity needs to be grounded in reality when it comes to money; be realistic and continue with your motivated attitude towards your endeavors. honestly some of you are and are focusing to hard on the little details, relax and just do what's in front of you.

Believe in yourself pile 2. You have grown to doubt yourself and abilities at times because of push back and it’s actually super healthy for intelligent people to question themselves but to much self doubt only leaves us frozen. Now is the time to go ahead and shine!

The energy for you is ripe with opportunities your guides are saying go ahead, take the calculated risk, do the thing you want to but just know take time to do it with love and integrity you will succeed.

The moon and the 7 of cups reverse tell me about your doubt, anxiety and not knowing what may happen is the worst but life is all about the mystery and discovering your path. dear wanderer, not all souls who walk a lonely path are lost, maybe you'll run into another.

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Pile III: Glowing mushrooms 🍄

Page of cups, Death, The Emperor, King of pentacles, strength (rx), Ace of pentacles, 4 of pentacles, Page of Swords

Your path to transformation takes determination and strength, but understand the power is within you and how you have gotten far.

Mushrooms are pretty crazy! They grow in so many places and are resilient; I’m not saying you’re a mushroom (even though honestly, it’s a vibe) but your guides are bringing it up. Every photo is connected to the pile it is above and yours is about your strength and resilience (pile 2 as well but it's much more emphasized here).

I mean so many people are keeping it together right now and you’re no different but I feel an extra sprinkle of shit being thrown your way recently or this could be a theme. Keep doing what you’re doing is a message for many but to keep taking the steps to this new life and I mean new life. I don’t mean moving away and starting over (unless that resonates) but you are changing it up, starting new habits and new routines, taking steps constantly at a different pace but never stopping, (it’s a lot that you have been juggling I’m surprised I don’t see the 2 of pentacles) Your guides are like Dang they got this.

Lots are taking big steps in life atm and your frozen on a choice (pile 2 also has some of that energy) there is a message of that you’re only human and sometimes it’s alright to be vulnerable and look back at the good times but the here and now is calling, stay focused and channel your emperor energy guys.

Please don’t neglect your mental health, many of you may be overworking even when you feel like you haven’t pushed yourself hard enough *whacks head* stop! You are working enough it’s just that things in reality are kinda messed up and that’s why there so many of us like this. the world is dysfunctional so of course we will be too. But of course that doesn’t solve the issue of having to keep on when your anxious and depressed, but a minute of your day is all you need to cry, to get a hug from someone, I always recommend self care. You can be strong and vulnerable at the same time and I’m willingly absorbing the information from my therapist on how two truths can exist at the same time even if they oppose the other. Be upset and when you can get up and finish that assignment, project, shipment, sale, you seriously got this but I know this is more about the stress and anxiety all this work carries with it.

Stable energy is present in the spread which makes me feel like your guides are just cheering you on knowing how hard it has been and that you are reaching positive new things especially with Death and this transformation that been going on. Be wary of spending for right now (as i assume you are tbh) but know that finances energetically will grow , just stay on task and carry yourself with pride because you are amazing!

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So those were the messages I picked up on, I hope they comfort and support you in some way, or even give you advice. Stay humble and lovely my friends.

Tarot decks used: Rider-Waite tarot deck

- ShiningMysticTarot ☀️

[shkudss]

Weakened by Eywa Pt. 1

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

Masterlist

Summary: Ao’nung finally realizes that his actions have consequences

Warnings: curse words, bullying, mental breakdown, English isn’t my first language

Author’s note: it my first Avatar writing, so I hope you like it! This idea was spontaneous and I’m not really good at writing, but I hope you’ll enjoy it! I’m still learning how to use Tumblr properly since I don’t really use it 🥲

Yawntutsyip - darling, little loved one

Yaymak - foolish, ignorant

You thought that all these days when you flew to the water clans were the hardest in you life. Little did you know that life with Metkayina would be harder. You expected to finally live a normal life, doing your chores without being sacred to be shot by sky people. Now you’re safe, but things didn’t get better.

Since your arrival, these boys were bullying all your siblings, including you. You have no idea why it is important for Ao’nung to see totally similar to him Na’vis. You all are same avatars with slight differences that were unavoidable due to the environment you’re supposed to live in. Oh, yeah… supposed to live.

“What are you even doing here?”

“You’re so useless to our tribe”

“Go back to your monkey house”

All these words almost engraved in you mind without leaving space for other thoughts and hope. It’s been two weeks since you arrived and you still haven’t ridden an Ilu successfully, you can’t hold your breath as Metkayinas do. This makes you feel horrible and believe all these mean words.

“C’mon, Y/N, you can do it!”

Neteyam is trying to teach you how to deal with ilu and his voice is so calming, he really believes in you as an older brother. You wish you could just believe him, but insecurity lays too deep and securely in your mind.

“I don’t know… I can’t…”

Your voice was really soft and quiet as you’re the calmest child in your family. You don’t like loud sounds and fast actions. That’s just the way you are. Neytiri says that Sylwanin was just like you.

Despite being slower and more sensitive that other Sullys they loved and protected you with all their heart. Jake knew that Kiri and Tuk are different, they can deal with their problems a lot easier, while you cannot. When something bad to your family or yourself happens, you worry a lot and you won’t tell anyone about your worries unless they make you to. That was the hardest part of you character.

“Hey, are you okay? Do you need to take a break? We can continue tomorrow, don’t worry yawntutsyip.”

Neteyam was worried about your mental state, you were too quiet these days and it never meant anything good. Trying to make you speak about your feelings was completely impossible. You always think that your family has too much to worry about to burden them with your own issues. You want to be like Kiri and Tuk. That’s hilarious, Tuk is way younger than you but she’s able to deal with her emotions way easier than you.

“I’m good. Can we just take a break for like half an hour? I think my brain melts.”

You awkwardly smiled at the end trying to lighten the mood. Neteyam smiled back, feeling relief as you seemed to be just tired. He didn’t want you to hide anything from him and your family.

“Okay, yawntutsyip. I’ll go find Lo’ak and make sure his ass hadn’t get in trouble again. Kiri is on that side of the beach by the way. You can join her, she’s probably flirting with plants again. Let’s meet here in an hour.”

You laughed at his little joke about Kiri. But that’s a fact. Since you arrived here all she’s been doing is examining all local flora and fauna. You missed your time together in the forest, maybe now you’ll have a chance to talk and just be together.

“Okay!”

“Tell me if something goes wrong.”

You knew this look. The big brother look. Sometimes you think how hard it would be for you to live without your family, the way you’re connected to them something really fascinating. And one of your love signs is time. Spending time with your family and each member is the way you show love, the way you feel protected and loved.

You see Kiri laying down in water and looking for something. She didn’t see anyone around, attracted by… water? You didn’t try to understand what’s going on in her mind.

“Hey, pandora geek.”

You stood in front of Kiri and the shadow from your body covered her. Only after that she raised her head and squinted at you.

“I thought you’re with Neteyam. What’s wrong?” She sat on the sand, water was covering her legs a little. You did the same thing, hugging your knees and placing your head on them.

“We took a break, my brain doesn’t work properly. I still can’t ride ilu.”

Hopeless sigh made your sister chuckle, but then she saw your eyes. They were full of sadness, you were not happy. Kiri felt guilt, as your sister she had to be with you, she forgot that Sullys stick together.

“What bothers you?” You were not sure if it’ll be okay to tell her everything. But you family always encourage you to speak what lays in your heart, so you decided to do it.

“There’s a lot… I miss home, I miss flying with you, Neteyam and Lo’ak around Hallelujah mountains.” You were vulnerable now and this is one of those rare moments when you opened your feelings easily. Kiri was the only one you did it with. You could feel tears coming to your eyes, you needed this. “I just miss our way of life. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to get used to it. Especially, when you always hear…”

“Hey monkeys! Still can’t ride ilu? How can you be so yaymak? You’re both freaks!” you could recognize this voice in millions. “One sister has demon blood, another is too dumb to do things that even infants can do!”

Ao’nung and his friends were coming towards you. Kiri’s body immediately tensed, you could feel it.

“What do you want? Is there nothing to do?”

Ao’nung and his friends came closer and you both stood up. Kiri was looking at him angrily, ready to fight. You were supposed to have such a good conversation, opening each other your soul, but this bully spoiled everything.

“My goal for now is to get rid of such fake Na’vis like you two and your stupid little brother.”

You were furious, how dare he talk like this about your family. Yes, he did say mean things to you, but he still picked his words. Now it’s too much. Nobody can talk about your family this way.

“Shut up and don’t get close to me and my siblings!” You tried to get into protective sister mode. Kiri was shocked by the way you raised your voice. She’s never heard such tone from you before.

“Look at this! Little girl knows how to talk?” Ao’nung was teasing you and laughing with Roxto and the rest of his friends. “Maybe you’ll learn how to swim properly soon by the time my future brother or sister will turn 10. Hopefully.”

You clenched your fists, trying to hold all your emotions. Anger, offense, sadness. It felt like a hurricane of extremely high spectrum of emotions, which was hard for you to bear.

“Don’t you dare…”

You didn’t control yourself that you were coming closer and pushing him. The reason why you felt this way was in him.

He did this to you.

You didn’t care that he was taller than you and all you faced was his shoulders. You didn’t care that he barely moved as you tried to hurt him as much as he hurt you. All he did was laughing. It seemed like Ao’nung didn’t understand anything you said, like he didn’t see you breaking into pieces right in front of you.

“Calm down, you little skxawng!” It was a joke for him. For you it was your last piece of composure.

“You’re dumb! So dumb that you can’t even understand how much pain you give me! Every day I wish I don’t meet you so you won’t shower me with all your shit! Every night I cry myself to sleep because all your mean words you’ve said hurt me! And you don’t understand me, how can you be so mean?”

You were screaming at him and trying to hit, mental breakdown took over your senses. You could physically feel how your heart hurts and legs weaken. All sounds were heard as if from under the water, you didn’t see what’s going on around you. Someone’s holding your shoulders and pushing you to their chest to not let you fall on your knees.

“Don’t touch her!”

Furious voice sounded from afar. Neteyam. Your brother who always protects you, surrounds you with love you need. That’s why he calls you yawntutsyip. Little loved one.

You could feel your brother as he came closer to you. His steps were as heavy as his mood. When he saw you breaking down in front of this asshole and because of this asshole, he almost lost his temper. The way chief’s son was holding and looking at you, finally realizing that his actions have consequences. He had to drive you crazy to understand it.

“Back off! Now!”

He pushed Ao’nung as he got closer to him, taking off his hands off you. You didn’t realize it was him, who held you all this time. Was it long? Actually, everything happened in less than 2 minutes, but for you it was like an infinity.

“What happened?”

Lo’ak was here, he saw you crying in Kiri’s hands and Neteyam fighting with Ao’nung and his friends. He didn’t need to check on all details to punch Roxto and other guys.

“It’s fine, we’re here. Don’t worry.” Kiri was sitting with you and slowly swaying, while tapping your head to calm you down.

“I’m sorry, I…” that’s all you could say.

Neither you nor Kiri noticed how the fight stopped until Neteyam came closer and examined you. His eyebrow was cut so as his lower lip, but he didn’t care. Now he could feel only your pain.

“Yawntutsyip… my sister.”

“I’m sorry, Neteyam. I didn’t…” You were gasping for breath from crying, not being able to collect your thoughts.

“Shhh, that’s fine, you’re fine. We’re here, nobody will hurt you again.” Kiri gave you to Neteyam, he was calming you down repeating the same moves as Kiri did. You were crying, letting all pain, that was suppressed inside of your soul, to flow through you.

Your siblings knew that you need to feel it to let it go. That is the only way for relief.

“Let’s go home, yawntutsyip?” Neteyam’s voice was calming as always, he hated seeing you crying.

You just nodded in agreement, hiding your face in brother’s neck and holding him as if someone can take you from him in any moment.

Yes, most Na’vis are brave, ready to fight and protect their beloved ones. But you just can’t do it. You are the one who needs to be protected. Eywa created you that way and you can do nothing about it.

“Don’t ever come to our sisters, you little bitch! Are you so insecure that you’re afraid to battle with me and choose those who are weaker than you?” Lo’ak didn’t miss to say the last goodbye before following after all of you. He didn’t wait for the answer, he didn’t need it.

Ao’nung was standing up there and looking as your figures disappear. No words are in his mind, except for one.

“Fuck”

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I hope you liked it! I’m not sure if I’ll write the second part🫣 I have an idea but idk if it’s worth it, we’ll see!

[tinybitsubby]

****Disclaimer: this is not my list. (meaning I don’t like/prefer/agree with everything on it)

Several months ago I was down some rabbit hole and found a message board where someone had asked a question about having a D/s oriented vacation and people responded. I went to visit it recently and it doesn’t exist anymore. I had copied it to notes to send to the Hubz at one point and thought I’d share it here and see what you all think of it. Thoughts? Ideas? Copy and pasted below.

——————————

Someone asked a d/s chat room ideas to turn a romantic tropical vacation into a major D/s getaway for those exploring D/s.

1. Start off on the right foot. Spank her ass right before the flight or drive so it’s uncomfortable to sit during travel. Maybe tell her to sit still when she keeps shifting in her seat.

2. Tell her that unless thr public can hear, just for this trip she must always address you as sir. Punish forgetfulness.

3. Make her kneel every morning.

4. Objectify her by shoving a few fingers deep into her mouth a few times a day. Call her good girl and watch her gag for a minute then wipe her runny eyes and move on like nothing happened. My wife/sub says this type of brief degradation flips her mindset so fast. She hates it but loves the complicated emotional part.

5. Since the owiest part of anal is the initial insertion, tell her that she will be announcing every single time she’s about to get in the shower so he can come to the bathroom in a minute. When he comes in she must lube up her clean asshole and degrade herself by holding her own ass open for him. He will sink his dick all the way in and hold it there while she tells him a reason why she deserves to take his cock up her ass. If she can’t think of a good reason, the dick stays in until she does. Not fucking her, just staying in there stretching her open. Then he rinses off and leaves so she can shower. An uncomfortable size of dildo (not plug) can be used instead if he doesn’t like to get erections and then let them fade. I’m not into anal except for the very subby headspace it creates. It makes me feel so vulnerable and it’s kind of painful. We did this on a trip and it became a true exercise in submission as I got more and more sore. When he sat me down to tell me this would happen, it really set the tone for the trip. Don’t discount this idea. Also Halfway through the trip we had anal sex which is rare for us and it made every shower insertion after that more uncomfortable and really upped our D/s. Seriously, try it, especially if anal is really not her thing. She’ll feel like such a good sub. You want her to feel like a good sub for submitting in ways that are uncomfortable. Please try this! PS If she loves anal, don’t do this, hahaha. PPS. Since we got home he sometimes says tell me when you get in the shower next and I know this will happen and it reminds me of our trip when we solidified our DS.

6. Bring an implement she doesn’t like and tell her she must ask for 10 hard strokes every day by a certain time. Obviously No anger or lectures just checking it off the to-do list. If she forgets and the time passes, she gets 25 or more instead. You should know Tears are ok in the D/s dynamic. If you’re flying and don’t want to take implements then you always have a belt or a brush.

7. Spit in her mouth every time no one is looking

8. Let her know before you leave that even if she’s a very good girl, there will be tears twice on this trip to remind her of her submission. Make her ask for one of the times and surprise her with the other. You get to choose what makes her cry. Don’t overlook the power of this emotional release for a sub. This secretly also teaches her to ask for an emotional release when she feels it could be beneficial to her mental state or the relationship.

9. Tell her she cannot cum until the third day of the trip. Then have lots of sex the first two days.

10. If you are leaving town, make her dress like a total slut

11. Bruises man. Give her some really good butt bruises and then spend time every day, poking pinching and spanking them. It keeps her hyper aware of her place. A 1.5” dowel from hardware can give bruises in just a handful of strikes without chaffing the skin too much like stingy implements do because they take too many strikes to get a bruise.

12. Tell her that on this trip, if she has an alcoholic drink in her hand, there will also be a plug in her ass. No exceptions. Going to order a drink with lunch? Go plug that ass before we leave. For added fun, you pick the size each time. Alternatively, if that’s not possible, you could just tell her that whenever your dick is going in her pussy on this trip, there will also be a plug in her ass at the same time. Or alternate days.

13. She’s doesn’t get to orgasm on this trip.

14. Tell her she will kneel and suck your balls every time you change clothes. “Sorry, you have to come back to the room with me because I’m changing into my bathing suit.”

15. Make her stay naked every minute you’re alone.

16. Call her trashy names.

17. Whatever you want to do to Dom her, whatever your desire or fantasy is, do that. BUT, tell her in detail hours in advance. A sub’s brain goes haywire when told something like this. “Look at me. Tomorrow I’m going to spank you very hard and you’re going to hold very still. I’m going to cum when I’m done but how I cum is going to depend on how well you take your spanking. If you can stay still I’ll just sink into your cunt and that will be that. But if I have to keep telling you to get back into position or keep your feet down I’ll cum down your throat and if I have to wrestle you at all during your spanking, I’m fucking your ass and continuing to spank it.” Or just tell casually with a smile you know after dinner I’m going to fuck your face and slap it hard every time you need to pause to breathe. Etc.

18. I’m jealous. I want a D/s vacation! Just stuff holes all the time. Anytime you think of it, put your fingers, dick or toy into one of her holes for minute. Let her know her body will be invaded over and over on the trip multiple times a day and occasionally during the night. Make sure you tell her to expect it because then her mind will be on it all the time.

19. Flirt with other women and make her sit quietly and smile. Maybe kiss one.

20. Fig her. Especially if you can’t spank because of noise. At least 20 minutes, the heat doesn’t peak until 15. If you’re flying and can’t take ginger, China Gel on your thumb is almost as good.

21. Bind her and make her wait patiently while totally bored. If rope is a travel issue, take some medical tape.

22. Get her pregnant

23. Clothespins. Use them a lot. Is she sucking your dick, put them on her labia. Are you fucking her, put them on her nipples. Are you spanking her, put a row of several down the skin of her tummy or back on her labia. They keep her on edge and feeling subby. I’m not kidding try them because the ache when they are removed is like nothing else. If she’s sunning by the pool, maybe there’s one hidden somewhere for a while.

24. Just fucking Dom her, use the time to make your own D/s dreams come true. She wants you to take control.

25. Fuck man this list is great but maybe only pick a few.

26. Give her a daily writing assignment if you have relaxing time. Give her a question that is hard to talk about and demand honesty. Better yet, both of you share.

27. Tell her she can’t say no on this trip. Goes without saying, but respect hard limits.

28. Make her wear dresses with no panties. Pull it up every time no one is looking. Smack her pussy, or finger fuck her or sit back and admire. Just mix it up. Fuck her before you go somewhere so she has to feel jizz running down her legs.

29. Make her skip a meal now and then to watch you eat

30. Randomly tell her to head back to the room and masterbate to orgasm. Or to only get really close to it. Give her a time limit.

31. Choke her out. Maybe she wakes up in a compromising position.

32. If she’ll be wearing bathing suits, only spank or strap her on one side. She’ll be miserable with all the counts on only one side and if anything should show, it will just look like she took a tumble or something with a bruise or welt on just one side. It’s the symmetry that lets people know what’s up.

33. If there’s a need for a punishment spanking on the trip, do it in diaper position. It’s intense because you can see her face. Make sure you’re ready to handle seeing her face during a punishment as some Doms just can’t handle it.

34. Tell her you won’t be touching her vag once on the trip. Her other holes will be used as you see fit daily. You can put a binder clip on her labia to hold it closed to prove your point.

35. Carve a souvenir scar into her.

36. Tell anytime she wants to cum she’ll have to pick between two things she doesn’t like first. Get her close to orgasm so she’s really needy and then say I want you to come but first A or B. If she doesn’t pick in 10 seconds, she gets both then back to the orgasm.

37. Pick a window of time each day that she cannot speak

38. Tell her she must wake you up with her mouth every day.

39. Take medical gloves and do cold inspections of her. Make her feel like an object.

40. No eye contact for the trip.

41. Dude just tell her this trip will be rough. Rough sex, rough spanking, rough manhandling. Just make things challenging for her and then get through them together. That’s all we subs want. We want to endure a hard challenge for you and then be called a good girl for enduring it. You get to be the guy setting up whatever challenge turns you on AND be the support system when it’s emotional for her. That’s all of D/s!!!

42. Edge her. You can do it or she can, but lots of random edging to keep her needy all day.

43. Golden showers.

44. Make all decisions for her. Tell her when to get up, when to sleep, when to use the bathroom, what to wear, order her foodand drinks without consulting her. Tell her when sex is happening and what type. If it’s too much, just pick one day where she can’t make a decision.

45. If you’ve never slapped her face, start on this trip. Maybe just a couple times at first and then build up to several times in a row during some form of sex. Require eye contact. Let her tear up and let her go through the range of emotions. While looking at you and enduring it, let her feel your support, but then slap her again. As a submissive this is for real an emotional growth as a couple and can be meaningful. Talk to her about it the next day. Tell her she’s so good for taking it in and you’re going to slap her again soon.

46. Spank her very hard right before the trip so the little spankings here and there actually hurt quickly. Wipe tears and give hugs. This hard and soft feedback at the same time feeds a sub like you wouldn’t believe.

47. Don’t let her sleep in pajamas. Always nude. She’ll get used to it.

48. Force too much Alcohol/weed into her and then discuss both of your darkest fantasies.

49. Slap that pussy every chance you get. Keep it just a little sore.

[eraenaa]

U.N.I. (College AU)

Aemond Targaryen x Reader Tag List

Synopsis: Where one of the sons of your mother’s estranged best friend attends the same university as you, and did I mention you were the reason why he lost his eye? 

Warnings: Mature +18, Stalking, Smoking, Semi-Public Sex

Word Count: 2930

You feel his stare again, but you look onward and focus on what your friend was saying. But still, the image of him in his leather jacket, staring at you, the way he held his cigarette and puffed out smoke from his thin lips, eye so openly closed on you— it was starting to unnerve you. A festering feeling spread through you that all you wanted to do was lay your gaze on him, something you swore you would not do. At least not so obviously. 

“He’s staring at you again,” Your friend sang, and you painted a confused look on your face. “Who?” You asked. Feigned cluelessness on your face. “Pirate boy,” they call him, and you always seem to scold them at their insensitive nickname. “Oh,” You said, but you never gave him a glance, even if you badly wanted to. “I’m telling you… you should approach him.” You shake your head and sigh. “I have to go— I have to study for a test,” You suddenly reasoned to change the subject. Your friends gave a nod as they puffed out smoke between their lips, bidding you farewell, and they shall meet you in the dining hall later. 

You walked through the halls fast; you always do. You just did not notice that another copied your steps. 

Aemond had been growing tired of your stubbornness. When he first saw you in the halls of your college, he was certain his eye had deceived him. But no, there you were, laughing carelessly with your friends. A beaming smile on your lips, eyes crinkling with joy. He sneered as you walked past him— completely disregarding him— completely forgetting about him. After that day, he was determined to catch your eyes, to make you look upon him again. Him, the boy you had maimed. 

You finally found a place to study in the library. Somewhere secluded, somewhere you would not be bothered. Staring hard at the reading you procrastinated to do, so now, you’re exhausting your mind as you tried to stuff it more with whatever was said by a dead scholar so many years before. You hunched over the bound book, trying hard to focus, but your eyes did not miss as a figure now stood before you. You cautiously looked up and were met with an indigo eye and frowned lips. “Is this seat taken?” His voice was velvety and cold. You quickly avoided his gaze, “Yes,” You said. “By whom?” He asked. “Me,” You replied. 

“You occupy two seats at the same time?” He asked. You were not looking at him, but you plainly heard the sneer in his voice. Your mouth opened and shut, mind searching for a response. “It is a simple question— yes or no?” He snapped, and you let out a harsh breath. “No,” You harshly bit on your lip as he took the seat across from you. Your knees brushed as he scooted closer to the table. You did not dare to look at him— something that he boldly did. 

Aemond watched you as your eyes were planted toward whatever book you were reading. His eye implored you to look upon him again. He enjoyed the look of surprise and panic in you. “Actually, I’m leaving.” You uttered lowly and quickly gathered your things. Passive and flighty when it came to him. Because guilt never sat well with you— and he was a great reminder of it. Aemond rolled his eye as you gathered your things. “So you can take my eye but cannot even sit across the man you have maimed?” You froze as the image of him as a boy, on the ground and clutching his face in pain, flashed through your mind. It had been years since the accident— an accident that was not entirely your fault, but you bore the guilt as if it were. You took a deep breath and stopped gathering your things. Eyes courageously set themselves upon the boy who smirked before you, enjoying the look of silent anger on your face. You quite had enough of fleeing and letting guilt consume you whole. 

Aemond hummed as you stayed and resumed your task. His eye observing you, his knees bouncing up and down under the table, brushing against yours. He missed you if he were being honest. You who had spent almost every single day with him since the two of you were born until you were both ten. Eight years spent apart. Eight years trying to pretend that neither existed and that neither missed the other.

You stayed there for hours, trying to read, and he stayed there for hours, watching you try to focus on your reading. You were genuinely clueless as to why he was doing such a thing. When you were finally done, you stood without uttering a single word. “Where are you going?” He asked with a raised brow. You debated if you should answer him. Why should you? But as your gaze went back to his, him who expected you to respond, you sighed. “Dinner.” You quietly muttered, and he gave a nod, standing as well. “You no longer talk much now, do you?” He asked as the both of you walked towards the dining hall. He knew the answer: you were oh so talkative when it came to your friends— a beaming smile always on your lips. A wheezing laugh would always find its way to you, but with him, you could barely speak two syllables. 

Aemond frowned as you gave no word. The boy sighed and pulled you towards an alcove. Shoving you forcefully against the curved wall, the hall was dark as it was dusk, and they had yet to turn on the lights. “Stop acting as if I had been the one to have wronged you,” He spat, eye-widening in anger. “You have wronged me!” You answered, trying to push him away as he encaged you with his body and the wall. “You were the one who has wronged me first! And you fully knew it was an accident!” You defended. Aemond clenched his jaw. “You were the one chasing me— running after me, trying to take revenge.” He gritted his teeth. “Because you were the one who took my knickers from my drawers! I was trying to get it from you. It was not my fault you tripped and maimed your eye on a rock!” You reasoned, your voice growing louder, catching other’s attention. “I had ceaselessly apologized— begged for your forgiveness for something that was not entirely my fault, but you had ignored me! You let them believe that it was entirely my fault!” 

Your ragged breathing mixed, your eyes closed on each other, your bodies flushed. You stared up at him with a glare. He stared down at you with a glare. The only thing that broke intense gazes was the sound of the dinner bell ringing. Sensibilities regained, and you pushed away your once closest friend. “That accident was years ago… let us just forget of it— let us just pretend that neither of us exist or know each other.” You sighed. “It is a large campus, Aemond. Surely we can avoid each other.” You proposed. He scoffed. “You would like that, wouldn’t you? Escaping, fleeing just like before,” He whispered. You froze as you realized his head was dipping down. “I shall be here constantly… everywhere you go, I shall follow, just to remind you how badly you have wronged me. You have taken from me— now it is my turn to take you.”  You frowned at what he uttered— a word missing from his statement. But you could not question him as he was quick to push himself away from your frame and walk away. 

Aemond stayed true to his word. Everywhere you turned, everywhere you looked, there he was. Him and his lingering indigo eye, him and his smirking pink lips. You sighed as you caught leather-clad arms once more. Take in a deep breath, cross your arms across your chest, and try to focus on the work of art in front of you. Trying to ignore the man who stood next to you, a bit too close for your liking. “Seriously? Even here?” You asked. You were hoping you would have some peace in the gallery, wanting to escape the thought of the papers you still had to write and the man whom you kept on trying to avoid. But whatever tactic you used to not let your paths cross seemed futile. He always found you. He always trailed you. 

Even at night— when you thought you were finally alone. His indigo eye followed you in sleep. Scenes that you will never utter— that you will never admit to bringing you pleasure in the dead of the night. The man who gave them to you in your dreams stood next to you, his eye finally not on you but upon the painting. “Do not flatter yourself, I came here for the paintings.” He quietly uttered. You blinked, heat rising to your cheeks as you gazed upon the side of his face. Aemond bit down his smirk as he saw an embarrassed blush rise to your cheeks. 

You let out a breath and mindlessly gave a nod, stepping away from Aemond. As being in his presence brought forth the dreams you had of him. The dreams where his lips were upon yours. Where his hands would explore your body, would tangle themselves in your hair, would grip your throat, would bring pleasure to your cunt. As you moved on to face a sculpture, the thought of Aemond only seemed to fester. You slyly cross your legs as you stand, regretting the decision to wear a skirt that day. 

Though Aemond said that he came to the gallery for the art, it was only partly true. He trailed you once more, following your scent that he had grown fond of over the days he would follow you. His eyes scanned your frame from behind. From the back of your head to the middle of your thighs where your skirt stopped. To your crossed legs where his gaze lingered. Aemond licked his lips and stood next to you once more. He would lie if he denied that he kept following you for the sole purpose of tormenting you for an accident that was only partially your fault. No, there was something else fueling him to keep on trailing you wherever you go. There was something else he wanted from you— and that something was not entirely revenge or justice. He simply wanted you. You were not the only one who had scenes of pleasure in the night. Aemond’s dreams of your lips, your taste, and your touch were a constant. Every single night as he drifted into slumber, the only thing in his mind was of you. Your lips upon his, your body flushed against his, your cunt clenching around him. 

Neither of you uttered a word. Your minds were filled with thoughts of desire, thoughts of need, and thoughts of sin. The air between the two of you was tense and growing warm. It did not matter that the air conditioner blared— it did not matter that it was autumn. The two of you who stood next to each other felt nothing but raging heat. 

You turned to your right, peaking a look at Aemond through your lashes. Aemond was quick to feel your gaze, turning to you. Indigo eye was dark and filled with something you could not decipher. No word was uttered, only needing bodies threading closer together until lips locked. You clung to him, pulling him close; his lips tasted of coffee and cigarettes. He smelled of citrus and spice. 

Aemond placed his hands on your ass, clutching hard the plump flesh. His tongue lapped against yours, tasting every part of you. Berries and mint on his tastebuds. The smell of peonies and peaches invaded him. “Aemond,” You called as your lips parted, both of you in need of air. You watch him shake his head and take hold of your arm. You let him drag you wherever; the only thing on your mind now was the lust you felt. The only thing on your mind was the want to kiss him again. Aemond pulled you towards an empty hall, an exhibit not yet open to the public. Your eyes scanned the room; paintings and sculptures that would intrigue her any other time bored your mind. All you wanted to do was drown in pleasure from the man who now began to place kisses on your neck. 

Your hand traveled down, cupping his hardened length through his trousers. A groan left his throat, eliciting even more wetness from your cunt. His hands undid the buttons of your shirt, forcefully yanking your brassiere down to reveal your tits to him, his mouth quickly closing in on the taut bud that hardened and pebbled because of his touch. “I need you,” You boldly uttered, not able to resist the tight need in your core. Your head tilted back; face pointed to the ceiling as he continued to nip and suck on your tit. Aemond smirked as your breast was still in his mouth; he felt you exchange your hand that cupped his length with your cunt, grinding upon his cock. You showing how truly in need you were. 

“Do you want me to fuck you?” He asked; you were quick to nod. A chuckle escaped him, a smirk rising to his lips as his hand trailed from your chest, venturing downward. Teasing you as his hand hovered over your dripping cunt. “Please,” You mumbled against his lips. “I thought you did not want my presence?” He teased, hand quickly grazing your cloth-bound cunt. “Please, Aemond… I need you— I want you.” You begged. That seemed to satisfy him. 

You whined as he moved you away from the wall he pushed you against. Dragging you deeper into the room. You were becoming crazed— desperate. You needed to feel released, and Aemond was taking his time to give it to you. You frowned as he placed you too, and upon a statute, confession took hold that you did not notice that he placed himself behind you. 

Your moan echoed through as his hand finally grasped your needing cunt, cold fingers met with the dripping wet heat that was for him. You hear him hum as his slender fingers run along through your folds. Desire mixed with your confusion as to why he placed you before the statue— man and woman of marble reaching for one another. Before you could ask him— before you could even utter another word, you heard the buckle of his belt hit the floor, his bare length pressed against your behind. He bundled your skirts up to your waist, and you could only wait in heavy anticipation for him to take you. 

His finger continued to draw circles upon your needing bud. His lips continued to torment the side of your neck, nipping and sucking, leaving his mark. You were ready to beg for him to give you more, no longer caring about how pathetic you were starting to sound. You could not utter your plea as Aemond, without any warning, bent you over and shoved his cock inside you. A squeal left your lips as pain mixed with pleasure. One of his hands continued to draw circles upon your cunt while the other found your neck. Grip tight, filled with pleasure. 

Aemond was merciless as he pounded at you from behind. Not caring that your slapping skin echoed through the room, not caring that you were spewing moans that rang in the halls. All he focused on was the feel of you, tightening and clenching upon his length. Warm and wet, needing and screaming for his name. You felt tears spill from the corner of your eyes as you were overwhelmed with pleasure. You turned your eye upward, gazing at the statue before you. Letting the man behind fuck you roughly. “Harder,” You asked, and that only made his desire grow. His hand on your neck tightened, and his fingers drawing circles grew faster. His length pushed deeper until you felt blood and both of your essences run down your thigh. 

Your surroundings were growing dark; the only thing you could see now was the statue of Psyche Revived by Cupid's Kiss. Your mind could not comprehend or think as to why Aemond chose that particular sculpture for you to look against as he fucked you. All your mind thought of now was how close you were to climax. Aemond let out a growl as you clenched painfully around him. “Aemond,” You called. And he moved your bent frame to lean against his chest. “Aemond,” You called once more. His lips found yours, nipping at your lower lip that cause a rush to go to your already peaking cunt. “Come for me.” He ordered. His hand moved from your neck to your breast to pinch the taut bud. “Aemond!” you called for the third time. Waves of pleasure hit the shore as you came undone in his arms— on his cock. 

Aemond let out a groan with his last thrust, his seed filling you but quick to run down your thighs. “I have told you that I will take you.” He whispered and nipped your ear. You could only let out a stuttered sigh and hoped that he would do it once more.

[itsabouttimex2]

Would this platonic yandere let you leave?

Explanations below/Click photo for higher res

DBK and PIF simply don’t see any reason to let you leave. If you want something, they can just have a bull mech get it for you. Besides, why would you want to go anywhere? You have your adoring and powerful parents right beside you. There’s no need to leave their side.

Chang’e might seem poorly placed, but she lives on the moon. It’s not that she wants to keep you locked away or isolated, but she genuinely cannot let you go anywhere. Hers is out of necessity, not choice. To be fair, you get to explore the whole moon and can even visit her factories, you aren’t locked in a tiny room or anything.

———————————————————————

Wukong, as long as you have some kind of fighting skill, will let you venture into the city of Megapolis. He’ll fly you there on his cloud and “drop you off” before using the 72 Transformations to follow close behind you, ensuring that no dangers draw near. If you catch him, he’ll very unconvincingly write it off. “Stalking you? Pshaaaw! Naw, what gave you that idea? I just came here to, uh, buy some stuff!”

Macaque will tail you from the shadows. There’s not much to say. He’ll drag you into the darkness with him if he senses any danger, and chuckle when you get angry about being followed. Expect something like: “I’m just looking out for you, kid. You should be grateful, really.”

Huntsman takes pride in his fighting, tracking, and hunting skills, and following after you is just a non-lethal combo of the last two. His ego swells with each step he takes, just out of your sight. And if anyone tries to hurt you… those skills will go back to being lethal very quickly.

Peng will watch you from the skies, keeping a close eye out for you, ensuring that you both keep out of trouble and behave appropriately. If the need arises, they’ll swoop down and interfere. Most likely, it’s to ward away a troublemaker. Though, they’ll be very proud if you defend yourself. Their little nestling, growing up too fast.

———————————————————————

MK wants to go where you go! If it’s somewhere loud and exciting, all the better! Even if you intend to head somewhere less his style, like a library, he’ll still hook his arm around yours and follow you along. (He’ll enjoy that trip a lot more if you read out loud to him.) Don’t think you can just up and ditch him, either. He’ll use his Gold Vision to pinpoint your location immediately, and race off to join up with you again. From there on, he’ll make sure to keep a tight grip on you, ensuring that you won’t get “lost” again.

Azure Lion fancies himself your defender and guardian, and hates the thought of you being unhappy nearly as much as he hates the thought of you getting hurt. He tries to be reasonable and fair with you, which includes letting you leave whatever serves as your shared dwellings. Only when he’s beside you, of course. He trusts himself to strike down any threat to your well-being, and has the power to follow through on that promise.

Ne Zha has lived through many fights and battles, and understands that danger can come from even the most unsuspecting of places. With this in mind, he’ll accompany you to wherever you wish to go, surveying the surrounding area as he walks with you. And he will be bringing his spear. He’d honestly rather not use it, but he’s playing it safe. Woe to any security guard who tries to separate it from him.

———————————————————————

Mei canonically has trackers on all her friends. This is not something she sees as a breach of privacy or overstep of personal boundaries. It’s just something everyone wrote off when they learned about it. So if anyone finds out or you try to tell one of your friends, they’ll probably just shrug it off as “classic Mei” and move on with their day.

Red Son is not a fool, thank you very much! He knows that tailing you everywhere you go will only upset and drive you away (he learned that the hard way), and that he can only tag along so many times before it gets suspicious that he always shows up right when you’re about to do something or go somewhere (learned that the hard way too). So he decides to slap a tracker onto your phone and call it a day, like there’s nothing wrong with that. Since the tracker isn’t discreet at all, you’ll pop it off and throw it away. Expect him to get start getting creative after that. (He just goes to ask Mei for help.)

Syntax is a practical and rational man. He knows that stuffing you away inside will only breed resentment, but that letting you roam freely runs the risk of you escaping from his grasp. Wiring a tracker to the inside of your phone solves both problems. He’ll also hack into the camera so he’ll always be able to see what you’re doing. You’re granted free reign to wander and explore as you please (within the bounds of the city) all while under his careful surveillance.

———————————————————————

Pigsy just wants you to be responsible, really. As the de-facto father figure in your life (in his own eyes), he needs you to be honest and forth-coming with him, please. If you just tell him the specifics of your outings, he won’t argue or complain, and it saves you one hell of a lecture. He might try to warn you away from something or someone he personally thinks of as shady or dubious, and if you don’t listen, he’ll tag along personally. If he’s too busy for that, expect him to send MK with you instead. And MK will spill each and every detail when asked, so you’d best not do anything reckless or dangerous.

Sandy is a kind man, even with obsession plaguing his heart. He wants the best for you, with every fiber of his being. The absolute worst this man would ever do is grind a few sleeping pills into your tea. Genuinely, he would go no further. He wouldn’t dream of disrespecting your personal autonomy. He just asks you very sweetly to let him know what you’ll be doing. If you get tired or upset or hungry, call him! He’ll come pick you up! Stay safe and text him when you get there! He’ll always look out for you. No matter what.

Tang isn’t really the sort to brute force his way through life. He’ll gently nudge and pester you into maybe downloading a location-tracing app, even offering to get it for himself as well. “It’s the only thing that can put my fragile heart as ease”, he’ll tell you, dramatically holding a hand to his hand as he sighs. He’ll wear away at your resolve until you finally buckle and download the damn thing. To be fair to you, he’ll also download it and see if he can’t get a few of the others to do the same. It’ll be less suspicious if he phrased it as “we all do dangerous things very frequently, and should be looking out for each other”.

Yellowtusk is a rational and composed man. If you act maturely and responsibly, he’ll lighten up on certain restrictions he has set in place for you. If you’re headed somewhere new he’ll come with you to make sure you don’t get lost, though. Being rational doesn’t make he doesn’t worry, after all.

———————————————————————

Tang Sanzang despises the idea of restricting your freedoms, and wouldn’t dare disrespect you by saying that you aren’t capable of caring for yourself. He’ll happily see you off for the day, and then take a few minutes to pray for you and your safety. Be wary, though- if you aren’t back by the end of the day, he’ll gather up his fellow pilgrims and set out to find you. Getting away from him is easy enough. Getting away from the demons that loyally follow him, who are happy to drag you right back to his side? There’s just no chance.

Ao Lie probably sits in front of the door and waits for you to get back haphazardly packs you a bag of supplies to take with you, even if you’ll only be going to a nearby merchant’s store. He’ll be sure to tell you that “It’s only a days worth, you know! So be sure to come back soon, please!” He, much like the monk who rides on his back, genuinely trusts and respects you. He isn’t going to follow you from afar, or browbeat you into bringing him along. He’ll just wait. And wait. And he’ll keep waiting until night falls, at which point he’ll inform Tang Sanzang that he’s going out to look for you, to make sure that you’ll be okay. Once again, all the pilgrims will come to look for you, realizing that he’s actually pretty worried.

[shadowqueenjude]

I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS ELAIN DAY UNTIL NOW SO HERE IS A LITTLE SOMETHING I JUST WROTE:

Smile, Elain. They won’t like you if you’re cold.

Elain blew out a long hard breath through her mouth as their mother’s words came back to her. Moira Archeron had never had much time for her, always busy doting on her eldest. This had left Elain to run into her father’s arms, who had been more than happy to indulge her. Alwyn Archeron had never received much love from his first-born, too pre-occupied with their mother and grandmother as she had been, so Elain seeking parental love in him was a pleasant surprise.

While Elain knew how demanding Moira could be, at least she was invested in Nesta’s success. At least she believed in her, guided her, hoped she would be something. When it came to Elain, her advice was minimal; she mostly stuffed Elain into pretty, suffocating dresses, pulled her hair up tightly into a bun, and hissed at her to smile. Elain very much felt like a prize horse on display.

“Do you think I will marry well, Mama?” Elain had once asked. Moira had merely looked down at her, those eyes- the same eyes as Nesta- frigid as the winter snow. “Of course, Elain. You have a fine face and build, and you have grace. Some man ought to take a fancy to you.” She made a face. “The same cannot be said for your wild sister, I’m afraid.”

Feyre. She had always been the black sheep of the family. She had always been a little too wild, a little too free for their mother’s taste. While Moira put minimal effort for Elain, there was no attention given to Feyre. Elain tried to help her. She would brush her hair and put it into braids and make sure she wore her corset, and when she could, Elain tried to play with her. One time, Elain fell and twisted her ankle while trying to climb a tree with Feyre. Perhaps it had been a bad idea to try and climb in a dress, but she owned no pants unlike Feyre.

Mother had been absolutely furious; though surprisingly not at her, but rather at Feyre for “dragging her into this.” It was as if Moira didn’t view Elain as capable of making her own decisions.

Well, not much has changed, then, Elain thought bitterly to herself.

Graysen had been the only one to see her. He’d told her that her kindness was the most beautiful thing about her, not her face or her body. Elain had fallen hard and fast. It all ended bitterly when Elain was thrown into that cauldron. But now, looking back on it, Elain wondered if she had simply latched onto the first person to see her for more than just a pretty face.

As these thoughts ran through her mind, Elain sighed once more. She hadn’t had much luck here in the Night Court either. They loved Feyre and although they disliked and lacked trust for Nesta, they still respected and valued her more than Elain. They had sicced a couple of wraiths to spy on her like some kind of toddler in need of monitoring. Rather than call them out on it (Elain didn’t see the point in arguing with people who could kill her), she had simply won them over with her charm, turning Nuala and Cerridwen to her side. Although the beginning of their friendship was strange, eventually they became true friends.

But although Elain enjoyed their company, they were not reason enough to stay in this place. She would never have a place here. And much as she had been avoiding him, there was only one person who could get her out of here.

Elain closed her eyes to calm her body. Just being near her mate drew out feelings she wanted to hide away forever. It was cowardly of her, but Elain didn’t want to face it: how very much faerie she was now, how much of her humanness had been lost.

How much he affected her.

He drove her mad simply by being in the same room. She was afraid he could read her every desire on her face, or feel it with his faerie senses. She wondered if he had sensed it the nights when she’d woken up from a very scandalous dream of the two of them together.

A lady mustn’t have these thoughts.

It wasn’t as if Elain was unfamiliar with the marital act. She had performed it, even if it was just once. Graysen had insisted, begging and pleading her, and Elain, convinced they would be married soon and swept up by the romance of it all, had obliged. It was only afterwards that Elain felt dirty, felt wrong, an overwhelming sense of guilt overtaking her. She should not have let Graysen push her into it. It was the first and last time she had raised her voice on him.

“You have taken my purity from me!” Elain had shrieked, beyond hysterical. Tears were heavy down her face, and she knew she had to be red. Graysen, to his credit, looked abashed, but it was all too little too late.

“Elain-“

“I did not enjoy it,” she whispered. Her voice broke. “That was not how I imagined it would be.”

He had been too rough, too impatient, and he had only lasted about a minute or two. Elain knew little about sex, but even she knew that it ought not to be like that.

“You…did not enjoy it?” Graysen asked hesitantly.

“That’s what you’re worried about right now?!!!” Elain snarled. “Not the way you have violated me?”

“I did not violate you-“

“YOU INSISTED THAT I DO THIS BEFORE MARRIAGE! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!”

Elain had run away, run to the one person who she knew would protect her at all costs, the person who had been more a mother to her than her actual mother.

“Nessie,” Elain had sobbed. Nesta’s sharp blue eyes had widened in concern at Elain’s words. She immediately rushed over to her, grasping her shoulders. “Elain! Are you alright?”

She shook her head, pressing her forehead against Nesta’s shoulder. Nesta wrapped her arm around her, rubbing soothing circles against her back. “Want to talk about it?”

Elain took shuddering breaths, trying to calm herself enough to explain. “Graysen-I-we-“ Another breath. “I let him take my maidenhood.”

Nesta’s other hand moved to stroke Elain’s hair. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly. Nothing else needed to be said.

That night, Nesta read her stories until Elain’s eyes became heavy and she fell asleep. They slept together on the same bed for the first time since the cottage. Although Elain typically liked her space while sleeping, she had to admit that she had missed this: the closeness, the easy comfort of sisterhood.

And now Nesta wanted nothing to do with her.

Elain clenched her fists. Moira Archeron would be shocked to see it, but she wasn’t alive to scold Elain. Elain had spent far too long being afraid to be angry, for fear of upsetting someone. But she was a sentient being, was she not? Was she not allowed to get angry, same as Feyre and Nesta?

Was she not allowed to feel desire, the same as Feyre with Rhysand or Nesta with Cassian?

When would she be allowed to live?

It was a long shot, but Elain knocked on the door to Lucien’s Velaris residence. He spent little time here, but Elain hoped he would be here this time.

To her relief, the door swung open a few moments later.

“Elain?” The surprise in Lucien’s handsome face quickly molded into something like…was that nervousness? He bowed low to her. “How may I be of service today, m’lady?”

Elain waved him off. “No need to be so formal, Lucien. I just have a request.”

His metal eye whirred as his brown eye studied her intently. “Anything.” And Elain knew he meant it.

“I want to explore the rest of Prythian and the continent.”

If Lucien was surprised at her request, he certainly did not show it. He merely opened the door a little wider, giving her room to enter his home. “Of course,” he replied. “When I leave tomorrow morning, you are welcome to come with me.”

Elain smiled in relief as she looked around his house. It was incredibly tasteful, mostly decorated in the colors orange, green, and blue. It was so much brighter than the interior of Rhysand’s palace, and far prettier too. She delicately settled down on the suede couch on one end of the living room, her heart buzzing with anticipation as she realized she would be leaving this place tomorrow.

@elainweekofficial

[weewookinard]

Pardon my french!

BuckTommy Positivity Week 2024 - day one

I know i'm late to the party but @searching-for-the-moon gave me a great idea so here we are. You can learn more about this challenge through @bucktommypositivityweek's blog!

Prompt: what they love most about each other

You can read it on AO3 or down below. Every fic will be posted on AO3 as chapters of the same fic!

-----

“Okay, I’m impressed now. Is there anything you can’t do?”

Tommy looks at Evan who is wearing the prettiest smile he’s ever seen, a happy grin of his own gently warming up his face as they leave the gallery where they spent two hours learning pottery. In the bag Evan is carrying lays a strange attempt of a mug, base not quite flat and edges all wrong and messy. The mug is yellow, painted with care and patience. Which weren’t enough to ensure a great result. Against the mug, two bowls are wrapped in newspaper sheets. They are bright blue with white flowers, both perfect shapes, both delicately painted. Both the work of a Tommy who cannot stop smiling while his boyfriend continues to compliment him. It is endearing, the way Evan talks and talks and talk, always eager to let Tommy knows how much he’s impressed by anything new he learns about him.

“I swear Evan, it was the first time I did pottery.”

“Not the first time you painted though, so it’s almost like you cheated.” The blond can’t stop his smile from widening again, and his free hand quickly finds itself in Tommy’s one. They walk together like that for a while, heading to Evan’s loft just four blocks away from the gallery where the class was happening.

“It is so infuriating, you are always good at everything you try, how is that possible?” He continues, not paying attention to the world around him, and Tommy has to pull him fast by the hand before Evan bumps into a trash can. The movement coax Evan in Tommy’s direction, and soon enough the two men are against each other, chests touching and the older man’s arms around Evan’s waist, a gesture his body cannot stop doing when his boyfriend is close enough. It does nothing but push another bright smile on Evan’s face and Tommy must kiss him about it.

He knows his boyfriend clumsiness and unawareness of what surrounds him should bug him, but he can’t stop thinking it makes the other man even more adorable, if it is humanly possible. Evan is living in a world of his own, and for six months now he’s been okay with letting Tommy be a part of it.

Tommy loves him for that. He loves him for pretty much everything Evan does or says.

“I’m not good at everything!” He interjects, a laugh on his voice when they start walking again and Evan gives him a deadpan look, almost bumping into another human being.

“Shut up, I’m sure you can do crazy things. Like, I don’t know, French braid! Or macarons, which is so fucking hard to do right, by the way. Hell, I am sure you know how to speak French while we’re at it!"

Evan had started hyperfixating on everything French related since the opening of the Paris Olympics. “They had a dancing croissant; can you believe it? And the torchbearer? I’ve never seen somebody this hot, except you of course. If I hadn’t discovered my bisexuality with you, this person would have done the trick just fine.”

He then proceeded to explain to Tommy what the French torchbearer had been about, some reference to video games as well as opera. “Did you know Assassin’s Creed was French? And so are the Minions! And The Daft Punk! Even the helicopter was invented by the French!”

So, Evan talking about macarons and French braid isn’t that weird.

The thing is, Tommy’s answer is a surprise so unexpected that Evan’s jaw drop when his boyfriend respond. “Oh no, you don’t want me near long haired heads, and I’m not really good at macarons, I’m more of a waffle guy anyway. French though-”

Evan stops him before he can say anything else.

“Thomas Kinard, do not tell me you know how to speak French.”

Tommy’s amused face must be a good enough answer because Evan’s stops right here, in the middle of the sidewalk, starstruck. “Do you speak French?”

« Un petit peu, je ne me suis pas entrainé depuis longtemps. »

Evan does not know what it means, he doesn’t even know if Tommy said it right or if he just invented words to play with him. But it doesn't matter anyway, he’s too flabbergasted to care.

“What. The. Fuck.” He manages to say after way to long of a pause, proof that his brain just stopped working. It makes Tommy giggle, and the pilot brings his boyfriend hand to his lips and places a kiss on each one of his fingers.

“Tout va bien ?” He then asks, knowing full well what the words cause in Evan’s head.

Chaos, pure unexpected, hot as fuck chaos.

“What. Why. How. What. Fuck, how?” The younger man is clearly losing it and Tommy knows there is only one way to soothe his lover’s brain. So he takes a step forward, Evan’s free hand still in his, his other hand cupping Evan’s face, and proceed to kiss his boyfriend slowly, almost lazy, a hint of defiance in every one of his movements. Usually Evan melts on the touch, but this time he finds the strength to back-up, well, not before he moans in Tommy’s lips and kiss him back anyway.

“I’ll still need answers Kinard.”

“Let’s go home first, and then maybe I’ll give you some.” Tommy replies, a knowing smile on his face, pupils darkening with the promise of giving.

-----

“So, how?”

They both lay in Evan’s bed, sweaty and sore and happy. The bag with their dishes inside has been abandoned on the diner table, and their clothes have been thrown in every part of the loft without any care.

Tommy thinks about his answer for a moment, before he turns his head toward Evan, looking at him with a mix of tenderness and guilt. “I… I dated a guy. It was a long time ago, but the words stayed.” It is all he his able to say before he looks away, worried that Evan might get jealous, or sad, or something. Instead, Evan puts his hand on Tommy’s chest, playing with the hairy skin, and looks at him with fondness.

“You know, you don’t have to be ashamed of your past Tommy. I have exes too.” He says, trying to comfort the older man, a bright smile even in his voice. His tone is reassuring, and Tommy finally looks back at him with a sheepish glance.

“I know, it’s just… It has always been a thing with my other exes, you know? French is romantic, French is the language of love and, well, a lot of the men I dated weren’t happy that I had learned it for someone else you know?”

Evan nods, still admiring his boyfriend, caressing his perfect body.

“Is it why you hadn’t told me about it yet?” Tommy hums and Evan drops a kiss on his cheek, a touch so intimate the pilot still can’t quite believe he deserves it. “Well, I’m not jealous, and I’m not angry. I love that you give one hundred percent when you love someone, and that you are capable of learning a whole language just for them.” He smiles again, shifting his body so he’s almost completely on top of Tommy. “And it would be really stupid of me to be mad because you can speak French to me. It’s so fucking hot.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I love it! I love you Tommy, and every moment that made you you. The good and the bad.” Tommy smiles disappear when Evan come and kiss him, a deep, heated kiss. In his lips Tommy swears he can taste love. “But what I love most is that I’m getting used to all those little things I learn about you. I want to be used to everything about you for ever.”

“Sounds good to me.”

-----

translation: 

- A little bit, i've not trained for a long time.

- Is everything okay?

[likeadevils]

Speak Now Timeline

This is a very long post that puts all the songs on Speak Now in order of Taylor creating them. I’ve also added a few other songs she wrote while writing Speak Now and quotes from Taylor and her collaborators talking about her process.

If you don't want to read all that, check out this playlist of the album in order or this playlist of her entire discography.

Due to a surprising amount of digital decay and her life not being highly documented yet, exact dates are bit harder to come by then they are with following albums, but you can still find a few! I’ve added this color coded scale of how sure I am of the date: 

Confirmed: There is some type of official source for the date

Inferring: Nobody has officially said “This is when we wrote it,” but everything points to that date

Speculation: This date is based off pure vibes and guesswork and is highly likely to change.

Unknown: All that is known is the year (from the US Copyright Offices)

More notes: I will probably be editing it as information about vault songs and new details about old songs get come out, so it probably won’t be finished until July, so check back in with this post and/or follow me if you want updates. Most tweet dates come from crawling through the wayback machine, but if you want further sourcing, feel free me an ask/dm.

Without further ado...

Sparks Fly: Late 2006 (Inferring)

Taylor opened up for Jake Owen on October 31, 2006 In Portland, Oregon (the secret message for the song), and wrote Sparks Fly about the experience shortly after. I’ve seen a few second hand sources say she wrote it on the airplane ride back to Nashville later that same night, but I can’t find Taylor herself saying that, so it might just be an old fandom legend, or the source has been lost to digital decay, or I just haven’t looked hard enough. She first performs the song in May 29, 2007.

Haunted: 2009 (Unknown)

Taylor: "Haunted" is about the moment that you realize the person you're in love with is drifting and fading fast. And you don't know what to do, but in that period of time, in that phase of love, where it's fading out, time moves so slowly. Everything hinges on what that last text message said, and you're realizing that he's kind of falling out of love. That's a really heartbreaking and tragic thing to go through, because the whole time you're trying to tell yourself it's not happening. I went through this, and I ended up waking up in the middle of the night and writing this song about it.

February 17, 2009: Tweets "It's 3:58 am in London.. And I accidentally fell asleep at 6:30 pm, so now I'm wide awake and have no idea what to do. Write a song?"

It’s possible that this was what Taylor was referring to when she said she “ended up waking up in the middle of the night and writing [Haunted]”, but it’s also very possible that Taylor didn’t write a song on February 17, and waking up in the middle of the night and writing a song is not a rare occurrence in Taylor’s life, so one tweet doesn’t really prove anything.

March 13, 2009: Tweets "A day off in Sydney. Drove two hours out of the city and spent the day on the beach. Wrote a chorus you'll hear on the next record. :)"

Pure speculation, but I think she was working on Mr. Perfectly Fine. It was created in 2009, and in my opinion, of the possible songs it has the most notable chorus.

March 19, 2009: Posts on Myspace “I’m wiped out. I’ve been in the studio all day ( I know, I know.. We JUST put out a new album. I think I have a problem, I cannot stop writing songs.) It’s so much fun knowing that you can take your time, because you have like a year and a half to make something you’re really proud of. I love recording a few songs, waiting a few months, recording a few more.. Instead of devoting a few weeks to “record the album” and then it’s just done. I like dragging it out, that way you can be meticulous about every detail. Daydream about different ways to put the songs together, and then take them apart. I’m pretty obsessed with the whole process. So needless to say, it was good to be back in the studio with my redheaded producer who I missed terribly.”

If This Was A Movie: April 2009 (Inferring)

Taylor has literally never talked about this song, but April would be six months after and Joe Jonas broke up in late September/early October 2008.

April 24, 2009: Taylor plays in Jonesboro, Arkansas, and possibly writes a song: "I'd get my best ideas at 3:00 AM in Arkansas, and didn't have a co-writer around and I'd just finish it. And that would happen again in New York [likely Enchanted], that would happen again in Boston [likely Long Live], that would happen again in Nashville." (x)

May 23, 2009: Taylor records Half Of My Heart with John Mayer

On March 1, 2009: John Mayer tweeted: “Waking up to this song idea that won’t leave my head. 3 days straight now. That means it’s good enough to finish. It’s called Half of My Heart and I want to sing it with Taylor Swift. She would make a killer Stevie Nicks in contrast to my Tom Petty of a song.” On May 23, John Mayer tweeted "I couldn't get Taylor Swift on my record so I found the world's greatest impersonator, Laura Jacksheimer" with a picture of Taylor.

Superman: Spring 2009 (Speculation)

This could have been written any time in 2009, but due to it's general sound and the following quote, I’d guess it was written sometime in spring, when her and John Mayer first started working together. Taylor: “This was a guy that I was sort of enamored with, as usual. This song got its title by something that I just kinda said randomly in conversation. He walked out of the room, I looked over at one of my friends and said, ‘Man, It’s just like watching Superman fly away.’”

May 29, 2009: Posts on Myspace “Tomorrow, after the performance on the Today show, I’ll fly back to Nashville and record a lot of new songs I’ve written in the last few weeks. I’m really excited about that.” (She also posts "Tonight I went shopping at Top Shop in New York with the band. I got purple shoes. I’m really excited about the purple shoes, and I just needed to tell someone. I got purple shoes. Ok. That’s done." Which. If I had a nickel for everytime Taylor teased her new album by posting about shoe colors I'd have two nickels, which isnt a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.)

June 4, 2009: Posts on Facebook "In the studio. I don't know whose computer I'm using. Pssh.. Such a rebel right now.."

June 9, 2009: Tweets (about recording Thug Story) "If I said I was in the studio with T-Pain, would you believe me?"

Better Than Revenge and Let’s Go (Battle): June 2009 (Inferring)

These were probably written sometime between June 12, when the Jonas Brothers released “Much Better”, and July 1, when Taylor posted on Myspace: “What else is new.. Recording a bunch of new songs. Lots of new things to write about…..”

Last Kiss: 2009 (Unknown)

Taylor: "The song "Last Kiss" is sort of like a letter to somebody. You say all of these desperate, hopeless feelings that you have after a breakup. Going through a breakup you feel all of these different things. You feel anger, and you feel confusion, and frustration. Then there is the absolute sadness. The sadness of losing this person, losing all the memories, and the hopes you had for the future. There are times when you have this moment of truth where you just admit to yourself that you miss all these things. When I was in one of those moments I wrote this song."

July 22, 2009: Tweets "Hanging with my producer Nathan, discussing the next adventure" and then in a separate tweet "...album #3."

August 25, 2009: An interview with Nick Buda, Taylor's go-to drummer, is posted and he says: "Sitting here in Blackbird right now in the process of starting Taylor Swift's new record I guess. We've been here the last couple days and we're here today again." Throughout the interview, you can hear If This Was A Movie playing in the background. (Thank you to @taylor-on-your-dash for finding the interview!)

Never Grow Up: Fall 2009 (Speculation)

Lover Diary Nathan Chapman: "The song 'Never Grow Up' is just she singing and I on acoustic guitar. We recorded ourselves live. That song probably happened in two hours." This could’ve been written at any time in 2009, but I put it here because she bought her Nashville apartment sometime before October.

September 8, 2009: Tweeted "Last night in nash before heading out tomorrow for 4 shows, then VMA's. But right now I can't put the guitar down."

September 13, 2009: VMAs Incident

Enchanted: September 15, 2009 (Confirmed)

On September 15, Taylor attended an Owl City Concert in New York Taylor: "It was about this guy that I met in New York City, and I had talked to him on email or something before, but I had never met him. And meeting him, it was this overwhelming feeling of: I really hope that you're not in love with somebody. And the whole entire way home, I remember the glittery New York City buildings passing by, and then just sitting there thinking, am I ever going to talk to this person again? And that pining away for a romance that may never even happen, but all you have is this hope that it could, and the fear that it never will. I started writing that in the hotel room when I got back. Because it just was this positive, wistful feeling of: I hope you understand just how much I loved meeting you. I hope that you know that meeting you was not something that I took lightly, or just in passing. And I think my favorite part of that song is the part where, in the bridge, it goes to sort of a stream of consciousness of ‘Please don't be in love with someone else/Please don't have somebody waiting on you.' Because at that moment, that's exactly what my thoughts were. And it feels good to write exactly what your thoughts were in a certain moment.”

September 26, 2009: Taylor plays in Little Rock, Arkansas, and possibly writes a song: "I'd get my best ideas at 3:00 AM in Arkansas, and didn't have a co-writer around and I'd just finish it. And that would happen again in New York [Enchanted & Back To December], that would happen again in Boston [Long Live], that would happen again in Nashville." (x)

October 17, 2009: Tweets "Travis: you look so out of it. Me: I'm writing a song in my head. Travis: oh, I apologize. I didn't realize you were working."

November 19, 2009: Bob Lefsitz (the guy from Mean) publishes his impromptu interview with Taylor:

Taylor laughed.  Said she could handle being criticized for having a bad voice, for missing notes. But she couldn’t live with being criticized for being inauthentic. Those songs are written in real time. About real people. Her cowriters edit more than contribute. Her next album she’s not planning to write with anyone. Not now, anyway.

November 30, 2009: Tweets "If I had a dime for every time my producer and I blurt out the same thing at the same time, followed by an awkward, uncoordinated high five..."

Ours: December 6, 2009 (Inferring)

Myspace Post on December 6: “I just got back to Nashville this morning after being in LA all week. Today I was out and about and in the studio all day” Taylor: "I wrote this when I was about to turn 20. I was in a relationship I knew people wouldn't approve of, and it was just a matter of time before everyone found out. When you're first getting to know someone, it's a fragile time, and then you add newspapers and magazine covers and it can get kind of rough. I wanted to have this song to play for him when it got difficult. Singing it for him was one of the sweetest moments I can remember."

December 22, 2009: Tweets "I was writing a song and my pen fell into the piano. Still trying to figure out if I should do anything about this."

January 2010: Starts polishing up the demos made in 2009 into fully produced tracks

Billboard: "Swift and Chapman had begun recording new songs almost as soon as "Fearless" was released. The two cut demos in his basement studio and would only take those songs to larger facilities once they felt they had an emotional foundation in the basic tracks. Still, it wasn’t until early 2010 when the album truly began to coalesce." Nathan Chapman: "We stripped it down and made the demos first. Taylor came to my studio and I played all the instruments on the demos, and because I have a good vocal booth, her demo vocals ended up being the vocals you hear on the record. After finishing the demos, we went out to different studios, and tried different combinations of engineers and musicians to replace some of the elements of my demos, mostly the programmed drums, and to do additional overdubs. [...] A pop artist would probably release what we'd done after five hours, but country artists don't want to hear programmed drums, they don't want to hear fake stuff. So once we had recorded the demos, we would book whatever studio we wanted for each song, to replace the drums, in many cases the bass, and to add whatever overdubs we envisioned, like fiddle, keyboards, percussion and strings. After we got the demos right, we opened it up and allowed ourselves to spend money and cut a big record." Taylor tweets on January 11: "Studio-ness with all the same boys who played on Fearless" and on January 13: "More recording. So excited. So excited. So excited. See, I said that three times. Once for every album we've made in this studio."

January 13, 2010: Posts on Myspace “Thank you January. I have had this month off. I have walked on snow-covered grass and discovered new coffee shops and laughed hysterically with friends about things that probably weren’t technically funny. I’ve written songs on napkins and sat at a giant table with my whole family on my mother’s birthday, all of us in one place for the first time in too long. I’ve gotten to take what has happened to me and process it to my full capability, and celebrate it the way it deserved to be celebrated. I’ve made new music. I’ve gone over the memories and jumped up and down with my producer and floated around with nothing on my schedule other than just appreciating what my life has somehow turned into. [...] Getting back in the studio with the same guys I trust and know and love.. (right, the pointing one: my producer Nathan Chapman) (Left, the waving one: Bass extraorinaire, Tim Marks. Clearly marked on his road case.) [...] Nick Buddha is in charge of the drums.”

February 13, 2010: Writes in her diary "I’ve been obsessing over the new album. I always do that until it’s just right. I don’t know if I have the formula just right for this one yet. I know there are great songs. I just need to figure out the strands that bond them together into a great album. And I will obsess until it’s there. This album, any album, is the next 2 years of my life. It has to be more than amazing. It has to be great enough to keep my attention for 2 years."

February 22, 2010: Posts on Myspace "I’ve been writing lots of songs"

Mine: March 10-12 2010 (Inferring)

Taylor (above interview, at 5:17): "I wrote Mine somewhere on the road, I think in Texas, actually." Nathan Chapman: "The demo for 'Mine' apparently took less than five hours to record, and sounded, according to Chapman, "almost identical to the record. After that we worked on the track for another four months, off and on, and spent $30,000 to make sure it sounded perfect in the real world."" Taylor: "This song is the first single because it has this…there was this moment between Nathan and I, my producer, when I brought this song in and when we made this demo in one day in his basement and we just kinda looked at each other and we were like, "This is it. This is the one. All of the times that I've had "The Moment" with songs of "This is the one," it's been a good call, so I'm hoping for the best on this one. Wish me luck." Scott Borchetta: "Mine" was a turning point in the album’s development. Swift and Chapman had begun recording new songs almost as soon as "Fearless" was released. The two cut demos in his basement studio and would only take those songs to larger facilities once they felt they had an emotional foundation in the basic tracks. Still, it wasn’t until early 2010 when the album truly began to coalesce. Swift presented "Mine" to Borchetta in his office [...] "We probably played that song four or five times," Borchetta recalls. "I’m jumping around playing air guitar, she’s singing the song back to me, and it was just one of those crazy, fun, Taylor teen-age moments."

March 13, 2010: Taylor records Mine, brings it to Scott Borchetta, and says she’s done with TS3

Scott Borchetta: "I said, ‘Keep going,’ [...] She kind of looked at me like, ‘You’re challenging me.’ And I said, ‘Yeah. You’ve found true north here. Keep going.’ " Taylor: “During Speak Now, when I went to (label head) Scott Borchetta and said, 'The album’s finished,’ he said, 'No, it’s not – you need to keep writing.’” (Right after playing in Texas, Taylor leaves for a vacation in the Bahamas, meaning Taylor likely had about a day in Nashville between the two trips).

Innocent: Late March 2010 (Inferring)

Billboard: “It was some time in the period after that challenge — between February and June — that Swift wrote “Innocent,” her response to the Kanye West incident.​​” Taylor: “Some songs take 30 minutes to write, and some take six months, which was the case with “Innocent.” When things affect me intensely and really hit me hard, it can take a while to figure out what I think about it and what to say about it.” (March would be just over 6 months since the VMAs).

March 24, 2010: Taylor goes lunch with Taylor Lautner and both of their publicists, inspiring Back To December.

Taylor: Swift says she based the song on a conversation she had with the guy about whom she's singing. "It's not loosely based," she says. "It's almost word-for-word. It is a song and a conversation that needed to happen, because I don't want to hurt people. If you unintentionally do so, you've got to make that better."

Speak Now: Early April, 2010 (Inferring)

On April 3, Taylor attended the wedding of Josh Farro as Hayley Williams (who is Josh's ex) plus one. That day she also tweeted: ""Nathan you smell really good! Is that a new cologne?" "Thanks! Actually it's a two in one shampoo and soap. From Dial." My producer rules." implying she was in the studio. The conversation below could have happened any day after the VMA awards in September, when Hayley first reached out to Taylor, but I think Taylor probably wrote the song fairly close to naming the album after it. Taylor: "This song was inspired by one of my friends who was telling me about her childhood sweetheart, crush guy. They were kind of together in high school and went their separate ways, and it was kind of understood that they were gonna get back together. Then, she one day comes in and tells me he's getting married. He had met this girl who was just this mean person who made him completely stop talking to all of his friends, cut off his family, had him like so completely isolated. And I just, kind of randomly, was like, "So, you gonna speak now?" She was like, "What do you mean?" And I was like "Oh, you know, like storm the church, speak now or forever hold your peace? I'll go with you. I'll play guitar. It would be great." She was just kind of laughing, and later on I just was wrapping my mind around that idea of how tragic it would be if someone you loved was marrying somebody else. Later I had a dream about one of my ex-boyfriends getting married, and it just all came together that I needed to write this song about interrupting a wedding. For me, I like to think of it as good versus evil, and this girl is so completely painted as the evil one. So this is "Speak Now.""

April 13, 2010: Names TS3 Speak Now

Lover Diaries: "So I’ve been obsessing over the new record to the point where it’s all I can focus on. I’m majorly stressed and borderline losing it, with all these lists and chronic dissatisfaction. Perfectionist-ness. I keep growing tired of songs because I know I’ve raised the bar and I can beat half the songs. Scott and I had lunch the other day. We were talking about the record and I had this epiphany. I didn’t talk in interviews about how I felt about much of what has happened in the last 2 years. I’ve been silent about so much that I’m saying on this album. It’s time to Speak Now. Scott freaked out. He loved it. We have a title, ladies and gentlemen!" Scott Borchetta: ""At one point, the record was not called ‘Speak Now.’ It was called ‘Enchanted,’ [...] We were at lunch, and she had played me a bunch of the new songs. I looked at her and I’m like, ‘Taylor, this record isn’t about fairy tales and high school anymore. That’s not where you’re at. I don’t think the record should be called "Enchanted."’” Swift excused herself from the table at that point. By the time she came back, she had the "Speak Now" title"

Dear John: Spring 2010 (Speculation)

This was likely written sometime after February 2010 (Taylor implies she's single in her vlog and her diary). Beyond that, it could have been anytime between February and June 2010.

Brief Interruption: The next two songs (Back to December and Mean) are going to use quotes from this interview that @1989worldtour found. If you've already listened to the interview attached to the Mine section, then it's the same interview

Back To December: Early May, 2010 (Inferring)

Taylor (above interview, at 5:12): "Back to December was written in New York City. Taylor was in New York city from May 3-5, and May 12-15 2010. she was not photographed in New York any other time in early 2010, and given her busy touring schedule, I doubt she was in New York at another time. USA TODAY: “Swift says she based the song on a conversation she had with the guy about whom she's singing. "It's not loosely based," she says. "It's almost word-for-word. It is a song and a conversation that needed to happen, because I don't want to hurt people. If you unintentionally do so, you've got to make that better."”

Mean: May 29, 2010 (Speculation)

Taylor (above interview, about 6 minutes in): "I started this song called Mean on my, like sitting on my kitchen counter, just playing it, and then, you know, took a plane and flew to the venue where we were gonna play that night and finished it in the dressing room." Now, this may be a too literal interpretation of "took a plane and flew to the venue where we were gonna play that night," but if we want to theorize: the only tour date (that Taylor could've conceivably written Mean during) without another show right before or after it was in Baton Rogue on May 29, 2010.

Long Live: June 2010 (Confirmed)

Lover Diary She likely wrote this around June 5, when she ended the Fearless Tour at Gillette Stadium (Wikipedia counts two festivals as being part of the Fearless Tour but Taylor doesn't, so I'm going with her opinion), since she said that she wrote a song for Speak Now in Boston (which is the closest major city to Gillette)

The Story Of Us: June 9-16, 2010 (Confirmed)

Taylor attended the CMT Awards (Which goes on to be the secret message for The Story Of Us) on June 9 and was sat very close to John Mayer. Taylor: "The people closest to me are used to me deserting a conversation and bolting into some corner of the room with my phone out, hunched over, singing some melody or lyric or hook into my phone. I wrote “The Story of Us” about running into an ex at an awards show, and I came home and sat down at a kitchen table and told my mom, “I felt like I was standing alone in a crowded room.” She tried to console me, but I was gone at that point." Lover Diary: "So I’ve been a little studio rat since the tour ended [...] Ever since, I wake up to my cell phone alarm around 9:30 each morning. Throw on a sundress, skip make up, tie my hair in a messy side braid, and head out the door with no shoes on. Because the only walking outside I’ll be doing is from my house to my car, then from my car, three steps to Nathan’s basement studio. [...] I worked on a song for a few days, then basically finished it in the car on the way to Nathan’s this morning. It. Is. So. Good. And I can safely say I am DONE writing this record!! This song is up-tempo, and hooky and sort of torn-sounding … like this horrible stressed confusion that comes on when you knew the person you’re pining away for is in the room. And for some reason, there are these invisible walls keeping things from being ok. So you’re not fine. And they’re not fine. And I’m so happy I wrote that song!! Footage of Taylor working on TSOU

June 30, 2010: Taylor tweets “@amosjheller is SLAYING a bass part in the studio right now. http://twitpic.com/21am7t” 

Footage Nathan Chapman: “We tried several bassists until we had a bass part that worked, which was played by Amos Heller, of Taylor's live band. In Nashville, it's rare for a road musician to be on the record, but he earned his way into this record by kicking ass. In fact, all Taylor's road musicians played some parts on the album, which was important for me and her.”

July 15, 2010: The orchestra for Back To December and Haunted are recorded (footage here, same outfit as these candids)

Taylor (talking about Haunted): “I wanted the music and the orchestration to reflect the intensity of the emotion the song is about, so we recorded strings with Paul Buckmaster at Capitol Studios in Los Angeles. It was an amazing experience - recording this entire big, live string section that I think in the end really captured the intense, chaotic feeling of confusion I was looking for."

And that's all for this timeline! Check out my others:

TIMELINES: debut • fearless • speak now • red • 1989 • rep • lover • folklore • evermore • midnights PLAYLISTS: debut • fearless • speak now • red • 1989 • rep • lover • folklore • evermore • midnights • entire discography GENERAL: tag

[im-robins-bitch]

hey, can you maybe write a fic about X (x ray) in you Robin Buckley headcanons?

I thought the idea was rlly different

Thank you for the request, I'm sorry it's a little shorter than I intended. I struggled with writing this, it probably turned out sadder than you wanted.

Give yourself a try (r.b x gn!reader)

Or, Robin is struggling and not letting you help, so you do the only thing you can think of to get her to stop and breathe. (1.1.1k)

Warnings: panic attack, self-hatred on Robin's part, reader lifts their shirt to show off their chest, but no descriptors of their chest, just that they lifted their shirt and Robin liked it. No explicit gendered language to describe the reader.

Robin Buckley feels like a dream wrapped in a bow. It’s a miracle she doesn’t just glide across the floor rather than walk because she feels comparable to the Greek gods you’ve heard about. Aphrodite cannot hold a candle to her. You’re sure any sound from her trumpet would make music from Apollo comparable to a child practising the recorder. 

You’ve been hit hard by Cupid's arrow. 

Robin is just so perfect… Ok, maybe not perfect.

She’s awful at applying bandaids, so whenever she’s trying to break in new shoes you find plasters all over the house. Fallen from her skin from her dismal application. They trail across the house, leading you straight to her everytime. 

She leaves all the kitchen cabinet doors open, which has resulted in you gaining multiple bruises. She’s also really forgetful. Her head is so full, different facts and tasks fluttering around, so sometimes a couple of bits get lost. She started writing things down on her hands, things she didn’t want to forget. Though, at the end of the day they would just be multi-coloured smudges, reminders of fleeting memories. 

Still, you would rather peel bandaids off the floor, to find Robin at the end of the trail than have nothing to follow or find at all. Plus you think it’s cute, the small notebook she keeps with her that has important dates written down, things she wanted to talk to you about. 

You’re utterly charmed by her idiosyncrasies, her faults, her Robinisms. 

When you first began dating Robin, it felt like spinning gold, too good to be true. You simply thought you were the luckiest person in the world to call Robin Buckley your girlfriend. You had your share of bumps in the road, but the two of you toughed it out every time. 

You know her like the back of your hand. Know when she needs a hug without her needing to tell you. Know when she needs space, needs to talk, needs to eat. 

For the first time in a long while, you find yourself unsure of what she needs.

Robin is rambling like she so often is. Usually, you love it, indulging in her thoughts and opinions like an addict. Today though, she’s spiralling. 

It’s like picking at a loose stitch, poking out a jumper, one moment it’s just one little thread, but the more you pull the more it unravels.

“I’m just so sorry you have to put up with me,” she seethes, “I don’t know how you do it,” 

Robin is unravelling faster than you can gather her. 

Every sentence out of her mouth is a scathing insult against herself. Against her character or her appearance. You wonder if she’s been feeling this way for a while, curse yourself for not noticing sooner. 

She’s burning holes in the carpet with how fast she’s walking. She’s circling the kitchen with a velocity you didn’t know she had. Tugging at her hair so hard you think tomorrow you’ll be sweeping up clumps. 

You keep trying to butt in, to get her to just stop for a moment and take a breath. To reassess and realise what a treasure she is. It’s just not working. “Rob-”

“Everybody only puts up with me because of Steve and I bet he secretly hates me, yesterday-”

Robin keeps looking at you for guidance but she just won’t stop. She flinched at your outstretched hands and talked over your every rebuttal. She can see herself falling but can’t bring herself to reach out. She doesn’t know how and isn’t sure she deserves it.

You just want to shake her and yell ‘Stop talking about my girlfriend like that!’ Even so, you just can’t catch her. You didn’t realise she was so athletic, she had no enthusiasm for it in school. You think she would have been the school track star given the chance.

She rounds the counter again, hip bumping unkindly into the corner of a cupboard door. You hiss at the contact. Resist the urge to reach out and soothe the stinging with your warm palm and a dozen kisses. 

“Honey-”

“You probably hate me too” Robin mutters, choking on an angry sob.

You snap. The next time she rounds the corner, you step into her way, cutting off her pacing. She walks into you, unable to stop herself and stumbles backwards a little. She opens her mouth again, undoubtedly to say something cruel about herself. 

Unable to stand it, you do the first thing you can think of to shut her up. You pull up the hem of your shit. Bare chest on full display.

For the first time since you got home, Robin is silent. Her jaw drops cartoonishly, her eyes zoning in on your chest unabashedly. 

You take your chance and further invade her space, dropping your shirt back down again. You wrap your arms around her tightly so you can squeeze some sense and love back into her. She tries to return it, but her arms around you are so loose, so unsure, it hurts your heart. 

She smells like the valve oil she occasionally uses on her trumpet. The smell clings to her clothes. You untuck her face from your chest. Hands firm on her cheek, thumb rubbing up and down her pink-stained cheeks, soothing away her tears. 

“Robin, I adore you more than anyone.” You promise, unable to help yourself when you press a chaste kiss to her lips. “Please never doubt that.”

It cracks her facade, her arms once limp curl around you. She squeezes and clings to you like a lifeline and cries with ferocity into your neck. Her anger is gone and left is the ache of sadness, made worse by her exhaustive anger. 

You cradle her against your chest, hand tracing shapes into her back the way you know she likes. 

“I-I don’t…” She starts, unable to form a thought coherent enough to be worth saying. She’s still crying heavily, trying to understand the swirl of unpleasant emotions turning her stomach. Her chest is still thumping with anxiety, a tightness constricting her chest that makes it all worse. 

Even now, consoled by your confession of love, the leftovers of her extreme emotion remain. She tries to calm herself, but it takes time to adjust when it feels like you have just been stood at the edge of a building. 

“It’s okay, my love, cry all you need.” You say breathing steadily. You hold one of her hands to your chest, encouraging her to match her breathing to yours. 

She’s tired of crying, of feeling this way. She isn’t ready to talk about it but she knows you need to, she needs to. It won’t be solved overnight, things rarely can be, but talking about it will start the process. You’ll be there to help her, even if you can’t mend it all, you’ll listen.

You’ll talk when she’s ready, but until then, you’re content to hold her in your arms.

masterlist

[floatingcatacombs]

Trying to Talk About Touhou Two

12 Days of Aniblogging 2024, Day 10

Hot off the heels of my touhoublogging last year, I continued playing through the games, and am proud to say that I now have a one-credit clear on every Touhou game from 6 to 19! It’s been a hell of a journey, and I’m legitimately proud of myself for rising up to the challenge, taking my own advice from last year whenever I could to great effect. Today’s post is mostly going to be about various official Touhou manga, but I might as well wrap up the game discussion from last year first.

My favorite games of the pack ended up being Subterranean Animism (11), Legacy of Lunatic Kingdom (15), and Double Dealing Character (14). While I praised the hell out of Subterranean Animism last year, the other two might surprise you! I’ve totally flipped on LoLK since last year – it’s a rough game if played traditionally, because it’s really meant to be played on the new checkpointing mode. The checkpointing system unique to Touhou 15 also leads to the spell cards in having a fundamentally different design than the rest of the series – attacks are actively designed to trip you up, like they’re puzzles to be solved more than anything. There’s a lot of micrododging and fast maneuvering required, but most of the patterns are fairly deterministic, so experimentation is strongly encouraged. It leads to a frustrating first playthrough but an incredible sense of satisfaction with every small bit of ground gained, and the ability to save and quit and return later helps sell the feeling of going on a long journey that the game’s plot is conveying. The music is amazing and I love you Junko. Meanwhile, Double Dealing Character ended up being a sleeper hit for me! It’s got a chaotic and lighthearted story where you beat up a bunch of monstergirls before proceeding to explore an upside-down castle, which means that it’s legally a Castlevania game. There’s a real sense of constant forward momentum here, with the expanded point of collection system encouraging frantic risk-taking with very high potential rewards on the other side. It’s straightforward, simple fun, and Seija’s whole deal is great, so I'm glad that she got her own spinoff. The soundfont for Touhou 14 and 15 really feels special…. I love you Retrologue Crystal Lake and Retrologue Pristine Chime for being part of ZUN’s toolkit during this time.

Of course, there are some more flawed games, too. One of the reasons that Touhou 14 feels like such a breath of fresh air is that 13 is just plain sleepy. Ten Desires offers very few resources to the player, meaning that dying once early on can be a run-ender. There aren’t really any systems you can engage with to gain extra bombs or lives beyond a passive accumulation of fragments over time, making the whole thing a slow and unexciting affair. Miko’s fight is at least brilliant. Touhou 16, Hidden Star in Four Seasons, sought to provide a very “traditional” experience for those turned off by LoLK’s radical one-time changes. Unfortunately, this leaves it a bit uninteresting and aesthetically bland, though I get that it’s important to the lore. Finally, Touhou 18, Unconnected Marketeers, is ZUN’s first swing at metaprogression mechanics, and suffers a lot for it. It’s very difficult to gain power in this game, which means that dying just once is ruinous, especially since it's a very hard game to begin with. You really have to cheese this one, which means that I kept going for the same ability cards again and again once I found out what worked. I managed to beat it with liberal use of the “your power cannot fall below 3” card, so thanks Mamizou. Unconnected Marketeers does at least have a spinoff called 100th Black Market which I found to be great. People tend to like one or the other, but not both, because the metaprogression systems play out very differently even if they share ability cards.

So, what are my Optimal Touhou Design takeaways from all of this? You want an extra lives system which rewards you the more you engage with it, while also allowing for small mistakes here and there. Games with a higher ceiling of earnable lives feel a lot better than the alternative, while being stingy with bombs is a valid decision and makes those games feel like an extra challenge to rise up to. I’ll learn to love the new characters no matter what if the game is fun enough, but the music and atmosphere are important to get right. And lastly, continued experimentation is decidedly worth it.

Having familiarized myself with all of the modern Touhou characters, I could finally read all the manga! I tried a few times in the past, when the only games I’d really played were 6 and 10, but I felt intimidated by an endless onslaught of characters I didn’t know and was expected to at least be somewhat familiar with. While I’m sure some wiki-diving would have cleared that up, playing through all of the games felt like it would be the more fun approach, and it paid off. Without further ado… some Touhou manga I read this year!

Wild and Horned Hermit

First things first, the artistic evolution here is quite impressive. The manga goes from dinky little sketches in the early chapters to a fully developed and soothing style. Wild and Horned Hermit was being published for ten years! That's a long run for any manga, but here it means that it spanned from Touhou 12 to Touhou 17, which was an incredibly pivotal time for the project that introduced some of my favorite characters. As far as broader arcs go, we move from the religious wars into the sage conflicts, but these generally aren't the main focus of the manga. Instead, Wild and Horned Hermit is about the minor antics and everyday lives of all the humans and youkai you’ve hopefully come to know and love. This is the slice of life-inflected version of Gensokyo that’s plenty implied in the games, but that you can’t ever actually experience there because you’re too busy shooting danmaku at every fairy and youkai in sight. The Incidents of each main game happen off-screen, which seems to be a constant with ZUN-written manga. Instead, we’re dealing with the setup and aftermath of larger events, and the girls from the new games will usually get be introduced with a few focus chapters, which is nice. Kasen is a fairly straightforward POV character, even if she’s got plenty of mysterious connections, helping her bridge the gap between the humans and some of the more out-there youkai. But ultimately, the manga’s goal is to follow Reimu and Marisa as they go about their lives, and it’s a joy to witness.

Forbidden Scrollery

I know this manga has its fans (it’s also the only one to be officially published in English), but it didn’t leave nearly as much of an impression on me as Wild and Horned Hermit. They actually ran concurrently for a while! Our insert character this time is a librarian in the human village, so the stories lean towards rumors and legends, though there’s plenty of other youkai schemes afoot as there always are. It’s funny to see which youkai keep showing up in these largely human-centric stories, and it makes sense that it’s Aya and Mamizou, both of whom really like blending in with humans and causing mischief. As far as I can tell, this is the manga that introduced Aya’s plucky newsboy outfit, so I can’t be too hard on it.

you are perfect

The Fairy Bullshit

Makoto Hirasaka has illustrated three separate comedy manga series about the misadventures of the shitty little fairies that live in a tree by Reimu’s shrine. He also did the all the portraits for the spinoff game Fairy Wars! These are breezy, inessential reads, but the artwork really is special. It is canon to me that all of the fairies look this stumpy, and maybe also Marisa.

Marisa exists in the superposition of being both 5'1" and 6'1"

Lotus Eaters

This may well be the definitive Touhou manga. While Wild and Horned Hermit has the privilege of getting to introduce a lot of important characters and lore details as they emerge, Lotus Eaters demands more of a setting understanding up front. But if you’ve got that, it’s like seeing old friends. This is what Touhou has ultimately become to me and so many other people – a framework for these beloved characters to hang out, occasionally get up to some antics, and otherwise take things easy. Every mini-incident in this manga begins and gets wrapped up in two long chapters, which provides a nice narrative rhythm that still manages to feel fairly organic. The new character, Miyoi, is far less of a presence than Keisen was – this is The Reimu Show, and maybe sometimes The Mamizou Show. And isn’t that why we’re here at the end of the day? To check in on the friends and inhabitants of the Hakurei Shrine, especially the times when they're not resolving major incidents. And in that regard, it’s decadent. True to the narrative framing of a supernatural bar, this is Touhou Cheers. Characters are constantly drinking together and running festivals and having a grand old time, and I love it. The manga really does feel true to its name. Coming from Forbidden Scrollery and Hornet Hermit, the artstyle here took a few chapters to get used to, but now I truly adore it. It’s like everyone’s hair has been ruffled just a bit.

There are a few stray series that I didn’t get to, and obviously an endless amount of doujin to chip away at, but I’ve really enjoyed my time in the world of Touhou manga. All of these would probably be uninteresting as standalone works, but as corollaries to the games and the broader Touhou world, they’re fantastic. The games and the print works really round each other out – characters don’t get many lines in the games, and the world of Gensokyo is only broadly sketched out. The manga helps fill in these spaces, making them feel more real and lived-in, while also periodically canonizing popular fan characterizations and extrapolations.

Maybe next year I’ll become a Hifuuhead, but seeing as I’ve already read its greatest cultural export (Otherside Picnic), it doesn’t feel quite as urgent. Adieu.

[phlurrii]

I cannot sleep and I am curious about your take on this random conundrum I am faced with that I was wondering your take on because I love how you are able to depict dynamic movement and action in your art and animations.

So, I absolutely LOVE it when the typically cutesy being that is Mew is depicted as a feral godly beast and I am so utterly in love with Meau’s truly powerful design. An absolute apex predator. However, my brain is hung up on a frustrating detail. If they weren’t floating everywhere all the time how would they like… prowl? Or chase down something. They’ve got these nubby little arms and these looooong legs.

Like. I’m trying SO hard to imagine something that could anatomically work because as eery as floating can be there’s something satisfying about feeling in the weight of a creature through its gait. But all I can picture with their body shape is…hopping. Just a murderous psychic kangaroo cat god bounding towards something but like…It’s kind of silly? I’m sure irl that would probably be absolutely terrifying to see a kangaroo bouncing at you with malicious intent but… it’s hard to picture it as an intimidating movement.

The slow predatory prowl or the fast thumps of heavy clawed paws of something huge and large sharp teeth that quadrupeds have is so a satisfying in a heart racing way. I WANT a Mew or Mew-ish creature to be able to have that vibe while connected to the earth that but then I look at those LONG footers and nub paws and I…I’m left feeling like it’s not possible.

Even for Meau like…their arm to leg ratio…I don’t think it’s possible to run on all 4s. Naruto-run sure. Absolutely. All the mews and twos can Naruto run and kangaroo-hop with them leggies…but none of them move with the “tiger on the hunt in the forest” vibes. I want to make something close to that but I keep making something too permanently quadrupedal in anatomy.

Sorry for the tired brain rambling I just my brain won’t let me sleep because of it’s “How would Meau run down their prey on foot” thoughts sending me in a spiral.

You see- you see, I have the same. Exact, brain worms. Constantly.

When I made the Ancient mew, I wanted something feral, a physical threat. That happens to be psychically able to obliterate you as a side treat. In my earliest comics, I tried so hard to demonstrate she was a power house, so much so her mega evolution is entirely just… that. A massive, wall of steel. Meau tore those scientists limb from limb, literally, with her jaw. Even in mew form, she bitch slapped a nidoking with her tail and kangaroo kicked a persian. She could’ve just shadowballed them, sure, but I want that weight. That feral energy, that sense of an unstoppable force, meeting an immovable object, except it’s just one cat and they are about to flatten you.

As her design has clearly evolved, I’ve tried to make alterations that fit this feeling, that vibe of apex predator no matter the size. She’s larger then average because she’s a threat, she’s more muscular because she’s a threat, her tail is thicker, packed with said muscle because she’s a threat, her front paws are meaty and girthy because She’s. A. Threat. Her entire mega evolution is just amping up that primal energy of raw, unadulterated strength. That’s why I made it, it was my first freaking thought after I designed her XD

I was actually caught between animating a younger Meau acting like a mew or an current Meau acting like a threat. I went with younger Meau cuz we don’t see a lot of her and she’s about to come up with Noe’s arc. So if you sent me this lovely and viciously relatable brain dump 3 days ago, I probably would’ve swayed to animate feral meau XD

But, to answer your question, yes. She can absolutely hunt you down on all fours and disembowel you with her jaw, she is that untamed, wild concentration that kills with a sleek efficiency fellow gods fear. And! At the end of our current arc we’ll finally get that secondary typing reveal I’ve had planned since April XD

[bloogers-boogers]

Your Adam with Lucifer vs Adam with Michael post made my day,

I love that you can just see that kind of dickishness of Adam that just shine through with both of them, like sure, he loves them but he's also self-center and selfish, like that part when Adam is ask whether he would fall/redeem himself for them, I honestly interpret that of him saying he would think about it, he wouldn't actually do it,

With that in mind, does the difference between him saying 'I'm in love with you' in one year vs 2 thousand years really mean that much, the way I see it is that Adam genuinely loves them, he's also shallow and an asshole

To put it more metaphorically,

Adam with Lucifer is like a rollercoaster ride, there are high points and low points, he enjoys it's fast pace but he probably wouldn't have chosen to go on the rollercoaster in the first place and had to be coax to even consider it

Adam with Michael, however, is like a hike up a mountain, slow and meandering, he probably took breaks that last weeks at some point but he doesn't stop hiking and eventually reach the top

YESSSS Adam will always have that dick side of his no matter what, after all the things he’s seen I can’t see him as someone entirely sweet. I see him bitter, bitter that humanity was doomed to sin and struggle, but even more resentful over sinners not taking their second chance on being worthy of heaven and ascending, instead falling to hell and indulging in sin. And now with this whole hotel thing? It was just a tic for him.

I do see him having followed through everything (those things the angels probably didn’t ask him to do. Good deeds that genuinely came from his heart but he doesn’t recognize the acts of good he did back on earth) to be worthy of ascending. But after seeing the atrocities of his descendants and his kids, heaven not being entirely ‘perfect’ he kinda lost it. Not worth the effort anymore, not bothering anymore on trying, having it easy?

Being in heaven just disconnected him from his humanity using the excuse that he was now an angel. Like I feel even the mask represents that side of covering up his human features. He’s ashamed of it, he doesn’t want part of it anymore but he would never get rid of it because it’s a big part of his character. And he knows, hates that. It’s kinda why he brags about it because it beneficial for him (a title of significance in heaven over the winners/stands out from the crowd) but he genuinely doesn’t give a fuck and hates it.

And yes!! I definitely made it meaningful in both of the “one year vs two thousand years”

I see it as it took time with Michael for it to build up after yk eden and his wives so it TOOK a lot to fall for Michael. Like a lot of work was put in that relationship to become stable. Adam has a lot of trust issues and Michael understood that so he was really patient with him and Adam appreciated that side of Michael. So yess!! Adam had a lot of breaks to actually considering taking it seriously and Michael was there waiting for him to take that step.

While with Lucifer they already had a history going on, so things just pieced together quickly, however with that rocky start ofc Adam would’ve NOT chosen to give it a go but with a lot of hard work Lucifer did manage to snatch Adam’s heart hitting the right spots of it and trying to fix the hurt and damage he caused on Adam. They have like ALOT of issues to work on but now they are willing to make an effort to not do the same mistakes (Lucifer mostly agdkshdowhsow) Adam has major abandonment issues and Lucifer cannot leave Adam even if there’s times he wants out (bc Adam is a dick himself)

Like, Michael slow but quick🔥 while with Lucifer quick but slow🔥?

He loves them both differently but the love is there nonetheless

I’m glad my post made your day! 💖

[redlikerozez]

悪魔の巫女 | Akuma no Miko | The Devil's Shrine Maiden (02) written by RedLikeRozes

Chapter 2: Oleander (approx word count 6.8k)

Summary: Matsumae tries to make herself a home in the devil's temple, but quickly finds no one and nowhere is safe.

Oleander - caution, beware

A/N: Please take a look below for the warnings for this chapter. This chapter is intense and here's where this story really turns dead dove: do not eat. If you cannot handle it for any moment, please take care of yourself and stop reading.

Content warnings for this chapter: minor character death (su*c*de), implied/referenced non-con, implied pregnancy, mention of periods, lots of blood

(Masterlist)

Matsumae awoke early in the morning after a troubling fit of sleep. She was unused to the sounds of the room like the gentle crackling of the irori and the feeling of the unfamiliar futon under her back, so she found it hard to fall asleep, much less stay asleep. She took the opportunity to silently crawl to the edge of her futon, sit back on her calves, fold her hands together, and begin petitioning Amaterasu for help.

She hadn’t realized she’d been praying for so long when she felt a small hand on her back that startled her eyes open.

“Sorry to disturb you, but it’s time for breakfast,” Sakura said quietly. She felt a little guilty for startling the poor girl, but it had to be done.

Matsumae quickly ended her prayers and began dressing for the day. She felt around for the pile of folded clothes at the end of the futon and sifted through them, trying to figure out what each shape of garment was.

“Do you need help?” Sakura offered.

“No, thank you,” Matsumae answered with a quick smile. “I can dress myself. It just takes a second to find everything.”

After finishing tying on the new white undergarment, and tucking her kosode into the hakama, she tried to pat down any misplaced hair that had escaped the white cloth bindings and long braid at the back of her head. Pushing the strays behind her ears and feeling an unusually stiff and stuck together section, she remembered that her hair must look even more of a mess than her face probably did last night. She was looking forward to the bath tonight. After slipping on a fresh pair of socks, she felt ready for the day.

She began by taking a determined step forward and instantly felt something sharp underneath her foot and a loud snap.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” said a voice she didn’t recognize. “Let me move my comb- Oh…”

“Please forgive me. I didn’t see it. Did I break it? I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s alright,” she insisted. “Don’t worry about it. I can mend it.”

“Please let me make it up to you somehow.”

“No, that’s really not necessary-”

“Please.”

“Just… be more careful next time, I guess…?” she asked. 

“I-I will try my best,” Matsumae promised shakily.

“I have an idea, why don’t I help guide you around? You can put a hand on my shoulder,” she offered. “I’ll make sure you don’t accidentally step on anything else.”

“That would be much appreciated.” Her heart fluttered in relief.

“I’m Haruna,” she said. “Here, reach out in front of you.”

“Matsumae. Thank you for your kindness, Haruna,” she beamed, reaching a hand hesitantly out in front. “Just, please be careful of my skin,” she warned.

Her hand touched the familiar soft silk of the red kosode adorning Haruna’s shoulders. The two began to walk in pace out the doors with the other shuffling of socked footsteps around them.

“Let me know if I’m walking too fast,” she said. “I like to be one of the first in line.”

“Where are we going?”

“To the kitchen, for breakfast,” she supplied. “Hina and Tomoe prepare all our food. They have to wake up early to get it all ready.”

“Does everyone only have one job?”

“No, some of us have two or three, depending on the day and the wishes of the master,” she explained. “I’m fairly new so I only really help sweep and scrub the floors. But Sachiko, for example, helps with bringing the master his food, entertains him, among other… special duties.”

“Special duties?” Matsumae asks, tilting her head slightly.

Haruna hesitates. “You’ll have to ask Sachiko,” she says, biting every word. “Anyways, sit down here, and I’ll bring you a bowl.”

“Oh, thank you,” she says while unhooking her grip Haruna’s shoulder. 

She feels in front of her and finds a zabuton cushion on the ground in front of a low table. The other maidens line up and grab bowls of hot miso soup and rice. The girls sit down around the three low tables that dot around the kitchen area, most of them trying to get a seat at the table next to Matsumae. They end up moving all the tables together to make one, long table so everyone could meet the blind newcomer.

Tomoe, the oldest woman of the group, was a skilled cook and talked loudly compared to the rest of the girls. From what it sounded like, she was the unofficial leader of the maidens. She settled small conflicts and tried to assign everyone tasks that they would enjoy. For instance, Jun and Kanon had weak wrists from childhood injuries, so they helped clean all the dishes instead of scrubbing the floor. Sakura and Haruna helped with the floors. Kanade, Kanon’s older sister, along with Sachiko presenting meals to the master of the temple. 

Upon further investigation, it appeared most of the tasks the maidens did throughout the day didn’t really align with the daily activities that Matsumae did while in service to Amaterasu as a miko. In fact, most of the girls here weren’t even shrine maidens before their capture. They were just regular girls plucked from different villages dressing up like perverse shrine maidens, like Sachiko had said last night, made to watch over the daily upkeep of the temple.

Some of them had special talents, which is why the master had captured them. Sakura was a gifted koto player. Miho and Sumire were good at singing, and Sen was an elegant dancer. The two she didn’t really know very well, as she hadn’t heard their voices yet, were in charge of laundry and sewing new clothes for the master and the maidens. They were Rie and Wakana. They never spoke a word, and it sounded like they hadn’t spoken since shortly after their arrival from what Haruna and Sakura said.

Matsumae took up most of the breakfast time asking questions and trying to remember everyone’s names by the sound of their voice, but there were too many to grasp in such a short amount of time. The other maidens had so many burning questions they wanted to ask the newcomer, but there was little time to eat before the work began. Sachiko got up suddenly and hurried off into the temple without saying anything. Kanade followed after her to see if she was alright.

Shortly after breakfast, Haruna led Matsumae up to Tomoe who assigned her to help in the kitchen with the dishes after everyone was done. 

“Just get to work by helping clear the tables,” she insisted.

“Alright,” Matsumae replied hesitantly. She took a calculated four steps in the direction of the tables where they had eaten and dropped to her knees. Her hands began searching for the end of the table or dishes. Instantly there was a crashing sound that alerted Tomoe and the other girls to look at the blind miko on the floor who spilled two bowls of half-eaten soup onto the tatami mats.

“Oh my… I’m so sorry! I was trying to feel for the bowls and-”

“On second thought, let’s try just washing the dishes instead of collecting them,” Tomoe sighed. 

Someone who didn’t speak guided her over to the sink and began thrusting dishes into her hands.

“Erm… The water?” she asked hesitantly, unable to reach a free hand out in front of her to search for her tools to clean with.

“In front of you, just drop them in the sink and get them all soaking before starting to scrub,” the voice of Hina guided. “I’ll hand you dishes as I collect them from the table.”

So, she did as she asked, fumbling around with several bowls in her hands, trying to search for the coolness of water in front of her, but the slipperiness of the soup and oil around the bowls caused her grip to falter on one of the bowls and it, too, came crashing to the floor. Luckily all their bowls were made from wood, so nothing broken or shattered, but it still made a big mess.

Matsumae tried to hold back tears of defeat and resigned to setting down the remaining bowls on the counter.

“I apologize for my inconvenience,” she whispered with a bow of her head, a practiced speech she had rehearsed many times before, it seemed.

“Just!” Tomoe started, clearly frustrated in her tone before forcing a slow breath. She restarted calmer than before, “Why don’t you ask Sakura and Haruna for help with the floors? Here, Kanon, can you show her to them? Please?”

“Yes, right away,” Kanon answered quickly. 

She was whisked away to a large open room in the temple where Sakura and Haruna had begun discussing each of the rooms or parts of the temple that they would focus on cleaning for the day. Upon seeing two enter, and after Kanon had explained that Matsumae had been reassigned, Sakura and Haruna’s eyes lit up and beamed at their new friend who had come to join their daily chores.

“You can stick with me,” Haruna assured Matsumae, “Here, hold out your hand for a broom. We’ll get it done twice as fast this way!”

Much gentler than the dishes from the assignment before, Haruna held out a broom for her to take into her hands. Instantly, Matsumae clung to it like her life depended on it. In her previous shrine, she usually always kept a straw broom in her hands to aid her with walking, but she tried to play it off as cleaning. She didn’t know if it was an effective cover or not.

Haruna eventually led her down the halls into the main hall that had large, heavy wooden doors that led to the entrance to the temple. The task was simple: sweep the leaves and dust and snow that had drafted in from the opening of the doors since yesterday.

Normally, she was good at giving a small room a thorough sweep, but that was only when she had memorized the exact layout of the room. Being so unfamiliar with this one, Matsumae kept losing her pile of sweepings or unknowingly stepping through it in her socks. Haruna was very patient and quick to help guide her back to the sweepings or dust off the underside of her socks because she had unknowingly missed a large brown leaf that stuck to the woven fibers. But unlike originally planned, Haruna and Matsumae were desperately behind schedule. 

“Here, what if you tried to go help Rie and Wakana in the sewing room?” she suggested.

“I don’t know how to sew,” she replied, clearly disappointed that her new friend was nicely trying to pass her off to another job that she would ruin.

“Ok, then we’ll find Sachiko! She’ll help, for sure.”

Haruna quickly snatched the broom out of her hand, despite a small squeak of protest from the blind girl, but she ultimately decided not to fight to keep it. She didn’t want to mess up anything else or make it harder for someone else to finish her incomplete tasks.

They found Sachiko in the kitchen, chatting with the girls finishing up the dishes. After explaining the difficulties in her previous assignments, Matsumae asked if there was anything that Sachiko needed help with that she wouldn’t be a bother in.

“Oh, yeah, actually I’d love to help,” she chimed. “I’m not in need of assistance right at this second, but I can show you the ropes of delivering the master’s food and drink.”

Everyone in the kitchen breathed a sigh of relief. Sachiko subtly nodded to her sisters that she could handle it. They showered her with faces of gratitude and silent mouthings of thanks that were unknown to the blind miko. But Matsumae could feel the “useless” accusations in the back of her mind creeping their way into her stomach which brought an old anxiety to a simmering boil that she hadn’t tasted in a long time.

Sachiko was helpful and patient while showing her around the main parts of the temple. She made sure to take it slow and walk back and forth down the same hallway at the request of the blind girl so she could try to count the steps to each room from the kitchen.

“My grandmother went blind when I was young,” Sachiko explained, happy at sharing the memory. “I helped her walk around the house a lot and accompanied her into town, just like this.”

“Your help is greatly appreciated,” Matsumae said breathlessly, relieved that she knew a little of what it was like to guide someone.

It was so refreshing to have help like this, especially in such an unfamiliar and unkind place. She would’ve thought the temple of the devil would be more cold with evil and hateful creatures, but she found it was much the opposite. Everyone she had met so far was so kind, except of course, the demon in question and his servant.

“Ok, so now here’s the hard part,” Sachiko began after they both felt like she had mastered several paths to and from the main parts of the temple together. “I’m going to show you the route to take to bring the master his meals. You must do exactly as I say. Be very quiet and don’t look up if you hear anyone moving that isn’t me, do you understand?”

“I understand,” she said, beginning to affix her blank gaze to the floor.

“Good,” Sachiko praised. “Now, I’m going to show you to Uraume’s kitchen, where all of the master’s meals are prepared.”

They moved quiet as mice through a new part of the temple, closer to the master’s bedchamber where he took most of his evening meals. The two found Uraume working in the kitchen and bowed to announce their presence in the servant’s workplace.

“What is your purpose here at this hour?” Uraume questioned lightly. “The king has already taken lunch.”

“I’m showing Matsumae the duties of presenting the master his meals,” Sachiko explained quietly. “May we continue?”

“Proceed,” they said, beginning once more to work on preparations for the master’s next meal.

“You will come here to collect the meals. It will be presented on a low table. Make sure not to spill anything,” Sachiko explained. She brought Matsumae closer to the spot where the table resided. “The table is here.” Matsumae held out a small hand and touched the fine lacquer of the table. “Pick it up.” Matsumae’s head turned to the side where Sachiko’s voice came from, a silent question. “Yes, now. We are practicing.” Matsumae obliged and wrapped her fingers around the edges of the small table. “Now, this doesn’t have anything on it, so you can’t spill it, but we’re going to practice walking with the table to the master’s chambers, alright?” 

“I understand,” Matsumae replied, ready.

“We’re going to walk out of the kitchen,” Sachiko began, leading her without a hand on her shoulder, just by voice. She switched her voice into a low whisper. “And you’ll turn right and continue down the hall until I say stop.” Matsumae followed, taking painfully careful step after careful step down the hallway, pretending she was holding the master’s meal for real and trying not to jostle or spill anything. “Ok, stop.” Sachiko’s voice was very close. “Set the table down as quietly as you can and kneel right here.” They both sat down on opposite sides of the table in front of a grand shoji door. “Normally, you will knock three times and wait to be permitted entry. Don’t knock for a second time, just wait until you’re permitted entry, no matter how long it takes. Once you’re allowed in, you’ll open up the door, slide yourself and the table in, and then slide yourself back out once you’ve moved the table a little further into the room and shut the door. Then you’re done!” 

Matsumae unknowingly frowned, trying to remember all the steps. It seemed easy enough. “So, then I just go back to the kitchen?”

“If you want. Uraume’s the one that retrieves the table and dishes. The master doesn’t like us touching his food or the dishware except for presenting it to him,” she explained quietly. “Sometimes, he’ll ask me to stay with him and I’ll pour tea or sake for him.”

“P-pour tea? And sake…?” Matsumae gulped. “I don’t know if I can-”

“It’s very rare that he asks this of me,” she assured. “And usually it's for a different reason that he wants me to stay, so I really don’t think you have much to worry about.”

“You seem to spend more time with the master than the rest of the maidens.”

“I’ve been in his service the longest of any here,” she chewed, suddenly sounding a bit angry, but trying to hold herself back.

“I’m sorry, I-”

“Let’s practice again,” Sachiko diverted, standing up quickly.

Matsumae was careful not to say another word about it while they practiced for the next hour. Sachiko eventually introduced real dishware and a tea kettle for her to practice balancing on the table. There were a couple of close calls, but nothing was spilled or broken.

Right as Sachiko deemed her worthy to attempt it for real in the future, the two heard hurried, socked footfalls through the hallway and turned to see Kanade bounding as quietly and as gracefully as possible up the hallways, looking for them.

“Sachiko!” Kanade breathed, heaving from how quickly she had run. “I could really use your help tonight.”

“What’s wrong?”

“It appears my blood has started unexpectedly and you know how the master hates the smell, so I ran over here to ask if you could deliver his meals tonight?”

Sachiko tensed up at her words for a second, tightening her grip on Matsumae’s upper arm for a brief moment before letting go and taking a quick breath. “I understand, I can cover for you,” she replied, forcing each word out as softly as she could. Matsumae could sense her anger from here, but she replied trying to sound so calm and soft to the other girl.

“You saved me, Sachiko! I owe you one!” Kanade cheered, embracing her before bounding off back down the hallway.

“Excuse me, Matsumae,” Sachiko pronounced carefully. “I need to do something quickly before the master’s dinner is ready.”

“Of course,” she replied, making sure to smile. “I remember my way back.”

Sachiko left without another word.

Except, it seemed that Matsumae had, in fact, not remembered her way back.

“I don’t understand,” she mumbled frustrated to herself. “It was supposed to be 42 steps forward, 23 steps left, 10 steps forward and then back to the living quarters…” A hand found its way to her chin as she scowled blankly into the dark hallways of the maze-like temple. “Or was it 23 steps right and then 15 steps forward…” She made a small squeak of frustration and tried to retrace her steps from earlier. Surely there was something she could recognize here!

She found her way by clinging to the walls of the temple. At the end of the hall, she finally felt the familiar paper of sliding doors. She could have cried in relief. Now, this should be the kitchen where she ate breakfast, she mused. She hesitantly opened the sliding door and took a confident step inside.

Much to her surprise, she didn’t find wood under her socked feet, but a cold and hard stone. There was a strange noise off in the center of the room like whimpering or something. The air felt stale in here and it smelled awfully like blood and dust. Suddenly she heard a harsh and deep rumbling sound from inside the room. Frozen in her steps, she stared blankly into the room, waiting for any sound to signify what she had just walked into.

“Hello…?” she squeaked quietly.

“Get. Out.” 

The deep voice was one she recognized as her new master. It growled with such intense anger she nearly wet herself at the sound of his voice like a scared puppy. Instantly, she turned tail and bolted out of the room, slamming the shoji doors shut behind her in terror as she heard a roar come from within.

Matsumae found her feet tearing through the halls after her master demanded her exit whatever she had stumbled into. She had forgotten every direction and step count she thought she had memorized as she tore out of that room and further into the maw of the temple. She was clinging to the walls, searching for some familiar sign beneath her fingertips. It all felt the same to her ever-raw calloused fingers. Splintery wood of walls and doors, with the occasional rice paper screen. She was hopelessly lost.

Suddenly, she slammed into an unsuspecting form and she crashed into the ground. The body she had run into was Uraume, cold and steadfast, not faltering even for a moment. They picked her up by her kosode sleeve, dragging her into the air effortlessly.

“Do not go wandering into unknown rooms again, or I will take your head to the master for his evening meal, fool,” they spat, fully meaning to follow through every word if given the opportunity. “Do you understand?”

“Yes, I understand. I’m sorry, I did not mean to interrupt the master. I was lost and I thought it was-”

“Be grateful your breath still fills your lungs, but save me from having to hear it used to utter such nonsense.”

They let go without another word and disappeared.

After taking a moment to calm her breath and still her heart, she picked herself up from the floor and began trying to find her way back to the familiar, the safe. Eventually, after much silent wandering, Haruna spotted her down an unfamiliar hall and helped guide her back to refuge with the other maidens.

Most of them were sitting down to a much quieter dinner after recounting stories of the day when Sachiko stumbled in, weeping violently in the doorframe of the kitchen. Her clothes were shredded, and what remained hung loosely around her small frame. She slowly sunk to her bare knees and gasped for air to cry even harder.

Several girls rushed over to help her up and were asking her “what’s wrong?” and “are you alright?”

Sachiko couldn’t form words to answer but only sank into the breast of the nearest maiden, clutching her tightly, and continued weeping.

“What’s happening?” Matsumae asked quietly, ears burning with curiosity.

The voice she recognized as Sen whispered quietly to the group still around the table, “It seems Sachiko’s just finished her special duties with the master…”

“I don’t understand-”

“He likes to make love to her,” Sakura whispered quietly, choking on the words. “Well, I’d hardly call it that, but…”

“He’s anything but gentle,” Sen contributed, sounding like she had her own experiences with this as well. “He’s a monster.”

Matsumae couldn’t breath for a long time after hearing the girls further explain the horrors of receiving special duties.

“Sachiko’s his favorite,” Sen whispered bitterly. “Poor girl... But I’d rather her than me.”

There was a sound of a soft punch to Sen’s arm and her hissing and reeling back. “Don’t say that…” Sakura chided.

Another voice perked up. “Don’t wish that upon anyone, Sen. It’s inhumanly cruel what he does,” Kanade spat from the group of those comforting Sachiko. “Here, come on. Let’s go start the bath and get you cleaned up, alright?”

From the sound of it, Sachiko could barely walk without assistance. The group ushered her away to the bathhouse.

“Oh, that reminds me,” Haruna said, turning to Matsumae. “After dinner, we’re scheduled to bathe. It’s so lovely. The bath is scented with ginger and rose water. It feels like bathing in a palace!”

Matsumae suddenly felt very, very dirty at the sound of a bath. She could feel the stickiness congeal in her hair and the dirt and sweat that had settled in between her toes and the lines in her face from the day’s work.

After finishing the cold leftovers of dinner, the remaining girls guided Matsumae to the bathhouse in the temple. It was a large and warm room with stone floors and a large, charcoal heated bath in the middle of the room. Buckets and washcloths were strewn about the room. The scent of honey, milk, ginger, and flowers licked at the tips of her nose, enticing her towards the bath, but she hesitated.

“Erm, I’ll catch up in a minute,” she assured her new friends and retraced her steps back to the kitchen so she could go into the sleeping quarters to still her heart for a second. She was starting to panic, for some reason she couldn’t put her finger on. She took several deep breaths, trying to calm her racing mind before hearing hurried footfalls past the door and walk further into the hallway. There was a soft whimper coming from the figure rushing by.

Maybe it was Sachiko, she thought, hoping the girl was alright.

Against her better judgment, she decided to follow after.

Stalking as silently as she could through the hallways, she tried her best to seek out the whimpering through the temple. Beneath her heart pounding and thrumming into her ears, she heard the cry louder, more intimate sounding sob from somewhere down the hall echoing into her ears. She fumbled her way down the hall, pressing a red ear to each shoji doorway, hoping to find the source of the weeping. 

Sliding open the door she believed to be the right one, she found a blistering cold wafting into her face and stealing some air from her lungs at the sudden change in temperature. Matsumae didn’t remember anyone showing her a way to get outside… Where in this absolute maze of a temple had she stumbled too? She took a hesitant step out into the outside onto a partially snow covered stone courtyard.

She heard a small gasp from somewhere. 

“Oh, it’s you,” Sachiko’s hoarse voice rang out. “You surprised me.”

“Sorry to disturb you,” Matsumae said, “but I thought I heard someone crying, so I thought I’d come and check. Are you alright?”

Sachiko sniffed and wiped her nose with the white sleeve of her undergarment white robe nonchalantly. She began in a rushed voice, “It’s nothing. I just wanted to be alone, that’s all.”

“Oh, I understand,” she said, embarrassed that she ever intruded, beginning to feel her way back towards the door behind her. “But if there’s anything you need to talk about, I’m a very good listener.”

Sachiko chuckled lightly, but said nothing further. 

Matsumae took that as a sign to take her leave, but it dawned on her she wouldn’t be able to find her way back without help.

“Excuse me, but it seems I must disturb you again,” she said as apologetic as possible before turning back around. “I’m sorry, I just think I’m lost. Is there any way you could help guide me or give me directions back to somewhere familiar?”

Sachiko let out a deep sigh. “Just give me a minute to recollect my wits.”

“Oh, it’s really no rush. I’m sorry to bother you. If it’s too much trouble, I can try to find my way back-”

“No, it’s fine,” she said, sniffing more and wiping her nose and face again on the increasingly damp sleeve of her robe.

Sachiko hopped down from the high stony fence that protected people like Mastumae from walking or unknowingly slipping off the mountain cliff side that housed the temple. She liked to sit on the fence and look out at the scenery of the beautiful mountain range when she felt hopeless. Usually it helped. 

She strolled a couple more steps and put on a fake smile for the blind miko. 

“Let’s get you back!” she chimed, trying to sound enthusiastic, but she just sounded like she was in terrible pain. 

Hearing the abrupt and unconvincing change in Sachiko’s voice, Mastumae frowned.

“Sachiko, what’s wrong? Are you sure you’re alright? I can leave if-”

“Do you ever feel like a caged animal? Or caught in a terrible spider’s web?” she interrupted, sounding so distant in voice yet Matsumae could feel she was within arms reach. “Like no matter how hard you bite and claw and scream and fight, there’s nothing you can do to break out? And even if you do, the spider just comes back and puts you back on his web and reminds you of your doom all over again?”

“I’m not sure I understand…”

“Oh, that’s right. You’ve been here not even two days. I’ve been here two years.”

“Sachiko-”

“Matsumae, I’ve been trying my best to ignore it, but I haven’t had a monthly cycle in a few months. Kanae reminded me earlier,” she blurted out. “And I continue to grow ill every morning after breakfast...”

“What are you saying?”

“Am I even alive anymore…?” she said quietly, choking out through streaming tears, not even really listening to Matsumae anymore. “All we do is live for him. Work for him. Fuck him when he wants. Just a body for him to use for his sick pleasure and then beat when you try to fight back. What kind of life is that? And what kind of life is that for…” Her voice trailed off, a hand ghosted its way to her lower abdomen. 

There was a moment of still and stunned silence. Mastumae couldn’t think of anything to say that she thought would help. She heard Sachiko step back for a moment.

“M-Mastumae,” Sachiko cried, grabbing hold of the newcomer’s kosode with a tight grip. “Can you stay with me for a moment?”

“O-of course, Sachiko,” she promised. “Whatever you need.”

She sobbed into Mastumae’s breast for a second, crying desperate tears that stained both of their clothes in despair. Mastumae rubbed a comforting hand down her back, humming a familiar lullaby she knew from her youth.

Suddenly, Sachiko straightened up, taking a small step away from the embrace. 

“Get out while you can, Matsumae,” she heard Sachiko say in a low, frighteningly calm tone. “Before he takes root and infects you.”

Mastumae heard a strange sound and she couldn’t quite figure out what it was. It sounded like someone slicing open a fruit. There was something metal that clattered on the stone ground. Sachiko’s breathing became more of a wet gasping and gurgling sound. She slumped forward, falling into Matsumae’s unready form and the both of them stumbled to the floor with Sachiko on top. 

“Sachiko?” Matsumae asked, rather alarmed and very confused as to what was happening. “Are you ok?”

Warm liquid was pouring down Matsumae’s neck. She struggled to push Sachiko’s heaving and retching form off of her. Sachiko gripped the newcomer’s silks as she clung to her last remaining moments.

“Sachiko?” she whispered, voice more hollow than usual. 

The heavy body on top finally stilled and stopped sputtering above her. The death grip on her kosode softened. A whiff of a coppery smell punctured in her nose and throat.

The scream ripped from her own lungs like it was the first time she had ever heard her voice get that loud. “Someone! Help! Sachiko’s…!”

She kept struggling to push over the heavy lump caging her to the stone underneath. Her eyes were burning with hot tears and her face felt like it was going to explode at the heat behind her skin. Her throat felt tight and painful as she finally choked out another haunting scream through the courtyard.

“HELP!” she cried out desperately.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. 

“So you can scream, little mouse, but not for yourself it seems,” a deep and husky voice whispered into her ear. She hadn’t even heard his footsteps approach.

She let out a terrified gasp at the sound of his voice, but still pleaded, “Please help, my lord, I think she’s dying!”

“Do not order me around, mouse,” he spat in her direction, voice suddenly above her. He casually pushed over the body with his foot to help her escape. “She’s already gone. It’s too late.”

“You mean…”

“She is dead, little mouse. A shame, really. I quite enjoyed her evening company,” his voice sounded low and sultry.

“I heard commotion, my lord,” Uraume’s voice rang through the deathly still air. “Is everything alright?”

“Take care of the body and make sure the little mouse gets cleaned up.”

What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. 

She felt a strange amount of strong hands pick her up by the shoulders and waist, making sure only to touch what was covered in cloth and set her on her feet, but her knees just buckled underneath. There was a low, dry rumble of a laugh behind her, laughing wickedly.

A chilly hand, this time, caught her before she could fall again. It wasn’t as large or strong as the ones before. Uraume set their arm around her waist and wrapped her arm around their neck for support. They wordlessly escorted her away from the courtyard and into the bathhouse. 

Most of the girls had already left, but a few remained to enjoy the warm water and bubbles for as long as possible. It was Sakura who noticed the pair enter first, earning a confused glare upon seeing Uraume enter and then a gasp once she saw the spectacle adorning Matsumae. Jumping immediately out of the bath and nearly sprinting to her side, Sakura, disregarding her nakedness, helped Uraume remove the ruined kosode and hakama only to reveal that the poor girl’s pure white undergarments were stained a thick red as well. Sakura helped sit down the girl on a small wooden stool who refused to move on her own through the whole process.

“Matsumae? What happened?” Sakura choked out, looking more to Uraume for answers.

“Ensure she is cleaned thoroughly before returning to your quarters,” was all they said before taking their leave, picking up the ruined silks under their arms, and shutting the door to the bathhouse.

The look on Matsumae’s face was haunting. She looked rather calm, but the way her eyebrows were slightly knitted together and the look in her milky eyes, like even if she could see in this moment, she would still be staring into a deep void of inky black despair.

It was at this point the gasps and stares and whisperings of the remaining girls in the bath started. Matsumae was sitting on the wooden stool, gazing miles in front of her, wearing a shocking amount of blood.

“Are you alright? Are you hurt? Is this… yours?” Sakura asked, not knowing if she wanted to know the answer. Matsumae shook her head. To answer what question, Sakura didn’t know. 

Some of the girls had rushed over to see what was happening, but two still remained in the bath, watching intently.

It wasn’t that the shrine maidens were unaccustomed to seeing blood, and not even the amount was shocking, but the real surprising thing was that it was on a maiden that was living and breathing. Usually, when the master was finished with a maiden, he would do the honors of eating her and Uraume would dispose of what was left or cook it in the separate kitchen where they prepared all of the master’s meals. The girls were only used to seeing the aftermath, cleaning up the mess of blood and other viscera that remained on the floor. 

“Help me get her into the water,” Sakura instructed Haruna and Sen. “Do not touch her skin.”

The two girls that stayed in the hot bath to watch immediately rushed out upon seeing that Matsumae was about to be hoisted in. Haruna, Sen, and Sakura lifted her by the waist and elbows covered by her undergarments, careful not to touch her skin and dipped her into the shallow pool of water. Matsumae shuddered at the change in temperature, but made no other movements.

“Matsumae, you’re going to have to take off your robe,” Sakura cooed gently into her ear, tugging at the cords that bound her hair in a long braid. “We can’t touch it for fear of your skin. Can you do that for us?”

She nodded, staring straight in front of her and undid the tie at her waist before shrugging the stained garment off of her shoulders. Her hair loosely spilled over her back, finally free from the binds of the cloth and braid. The blood drenched skin tightened and crackled at the coldness of her unsubmerged torso while the other half lapped at the water, smoked off her skin, and swirled into the water elegantly. 

Haruna fished the once white robe out of the water and threw the sopping wet fabric on the ground behind with a sick thwop. Sen began rushing over to get some fresh wash cloths and a bucket for the girls to use to help clean up their friend's goose-bump ridden and bloody shell.

“You don’t have to talk about what happened,” Haruna began, dipping the cloth into a bucket of water at her feet, “but we need to know if you’ve been hurt anywhere or if we should get some medicine.”

Matsumae shook head and sunk deeper into the water so that she was fully submerged. She felt the sting of the tainted and perfumed blood-water in her eyes, but didn’t bother closing them. She let out a scream muffled by the water and tore her hands through her hair desperately. Her lungs burned for air as the water rushed in, but momentarily forgot how to move her body to resurface. There was a hiss at the back of her head. Someone pulled her up out of the water by the hair. She sputtered out water and coughed, thankful for the breath.

“Don’t scare us like that!” Sakura cried. “Are you trying to drown yourself?!”

“I… I was trying to get it out of my hea- my hair…” she squeaked out, barely audible. “I’m sorry to have scared you.”

No one knew what to say. The two girls that rushed out of the tub left in a hurry as she was underwater. The three girls began silently washing the blood off of Matsumae who shivered and shuddered at their touches. It was now that the three realized the true extent of the scarring on Matsumae’s body. This is what she was trying to avoid before, she realized. She hadn’t been seen fully by others in a long time.

It wasn’t just her face that was scarred and blotted unevenly. The blighted skin spread much around her upper left arm and a portion of the same forearm. It snaked its way down her chest, covering up a large portion of breast tissue and stopped just above her diaphragm. 

Each of the girls wondered what on earth had happened to the poor blind miko, forming their own stories in their heads, but lacked the courage- especially now- to ask her the truth behind her deformities. Sakura and Haruna both silently imagined she had got them in a house fire or something like that while Sen thought it looked more akin to some curse she received at birth.

Matsumae could feel their silent stares burn images and assumptions into her skin as they gently dabbed and dragged cloth around to wash her form, but she couldn’t find the energy to care or redirect to a conversation about something else. She hated being reminded of one of the worst days of her life, and today was surely going to make the list.

Finally she spoke.

“Sachiko is gone,” she squeaked out, voice hoarse and throat impossibly dry from screaming earlier. “I thought you should know.”

All three girls tending to Matsumae froze instantly.

“I don’t know what happened, but I found her crying in the courtyard and she was saying all of these horrible things and before I knew what was happening, she was bleeding out on top of me. So no, it’s not my blood. No, I'm not hurt. And no, I’m not alright.”

“You… D-did you kill her?” Sakura asked in the smallest voice she’d ever heard.

“No, I think she sliced open her own throat before me.”

“You’re cursed,” Sen affirmed darkly, dropping the washcloth back into the bloody bucket. “I knew it.”

Matsumae blinked in confusion and turned her head to face the three girls at her back with a pleading expression. “No, I assure you, I did not touch her. You have to believe me. Sachiko took her own life before me-”

They all broke into a chorus of weeping and crying out in anguish.

Matsumae silently stumbled her way out of the tainted bathwater and walked back to the sleeping quarters in her nakedness, not even trying to hide her shame or scars. Her wet footsteps echoed in the empty halls of the temple.

Feeling a string of tears begin to fight their way towards her eyelids, she concluded darkly, I shouldn’t have told them.

Author's Note:

(Masterlist)

Words to know: miko: shrine maiden hakama: a traditional japanese trousers kosode: an everyday garment usually made of white or, very rarely, plain red silk irori: a traditional Japanese sunken hearth tatami: a type of mat used as a flooring material in traditional Japanese-style rooms shoji: a door, window or room divider used in traditional Japanese architecture, consisting of translucent (or transparent) sheets on a lattice frame kami: the deities, divinities, spirits, mythological, spiritual, or natural phenomena, or holy powers that are venerated in the Shinto religion zabuton: a cushion for sitting that is commonly used in traditional Japanese settings koto: a Japanese plucked half-tube zither instrument, and the national instrument of Japan

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[verdantcrimson]

Heaven and Earth / Creation of Heaven and Earth - 7

(Unproofread)

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[After school that same day, in the ES reception room.]

Keito: Now, I’ll summarize the issue at hand for Anzu, who probably doesn’t understand what is happening very well.

Keito: We, AKATSUKI, have been asked to host a long-running show ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’, that any history buff worth their salt knows about.

Kuro: By the way, little miss Anzu, have ya ever heard of ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’? Ya haven’t, right?

Keito: Quit trying to increase the number of your brethren in ignorance.

Souma: Fufu. You say you have yet to properly sit down and watch it, but you know of its name? Well, it does appear understandably difficult and complex to become invested in.

Souma: I too have beckoned for my younger brother to “come and watch” with me, but he does not spare a glance.

Kuro: Haha, wouldn’t it be more fun for a growin’ boy to move his body?

Keito: Back to what I was saying earlier. We’ve been entrusted with this major role, but a problem has cropped up.

Kuro: The issue is that I’m an idiot.

Keito: I’ve come up with a workaround for that bit, so it’s no longer an issue.

Souma: Hasumi-dono is far too strict in his refusal to retort with the simpler, “You aren’t an idiot,” phrase. ~♪

Keito: You’re being annoying. Also, Kiryu isn’t an idiot, generally speaking, he just can’t study. There’s a difference.

Keito: The problem I was referring to, of course, is the ‘Three Sages.’

Keito: These ‘Three Sages’ are authorities in the field for the countless historians that have supported ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ throughout the years. Without their cooperation, this show just wouldn’t work.

Souma: Umu. We are not academics, but ‘aidoru’, for which reason we so desperately require the assistance of such experts.

Keito: Exactly. However, for better or worse, these exalted scholars were quite unique—

Keito: They had their own set of conditions for us to follow. Though it seemed like they’d be cooperative if we fulfilled them,

Keito: All of these conditions are ill-matched, and in theory, it seems impossible to fulfill all of them.

Keito: Now, we need to figure out what to do. Do you understand now, Anzu?

Kuro: No really, what’re we supposed t’do…? Both Hideyoshi-sensei and Nobunaga-sensei said the same thing, come to think of it. Turns out ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ is a total landmine of a job after all.

Kuro: We’re just dumbasses that jumped for joy, and fell right into a trap.

Souma: Now Kiryu-dono, let us try and think of this the other way around. I believe that it may be precisely because we are without a proven record of accomplishments unlike the ‘beterans’ of our agency, that the responsibility of handling such a precarious case has been entrusted to us young people.

Keito: I agree with Kanzaki’s view on this.

Kuro: Why’re you two just freakishly in sync these days!? You ‘good at studyin’’ folks are conspirin’ together, aren’tcha? Little miss, you’re on my side though, right? Won’t ya come to the ‘can’t study for shit’ side…?

Keito: Don’t act like a baby to gain Anzu’s sympathy, Kiryu… But seriously, what side would you take, Anzu? I’ve always thought that you were sincere, and a hard worker, so your grades must be good, right?

Souma: Hmm. Anzu-dono is currently enrolled in the ‘purodyuusu’ course, so I cannot say for certain, however, the year prior, her grades were of a generally average nature. They were neither good nor bad.

Kuro: If ya studied super hard and still got an average grade, that must mean you must’ve been a pretty terrible student in the past.

Keito: Don’t try to recruit fellow bad students. Quit trying to run from reality, Kiryu. It’d be best if you tried to be reborn as a wiser version of yourself.

Kuro: Easy for you to say, but y’know… I can’t change that fast. I mean, I worked real hard to finally be reborn at the level I am right now.

Keito: Yes. I acknowledge your hard work.

Keito: Effort will never betray a person. People are only ever betrayed by people.

Souma: Those are meaningful words. Unfailingly, problems can be attributed to people.

Keito: That applies to our current predicament as well. What should we do, Anzu?

Keito: I would like to hear your opinion.

Kuro: Careful now, little miss. If ya answer with somethin’ strange, Hasumi’s gonna blow his lid.

Keito: Stop fooling around. If Anzu had been even a little less self-assertive of a person, she would’ve shriveled up by now.

Keito: —Hm, I see. Decide on what our priorities are, huh?

Keito: It’s better to be selective, and decide on what you want to accomplish, rather than try to accomplish everything and risk ending up with nothing.

Keito: That sounds fair. Nothing good comes from being greedy.

Keito: And naturally, what’s most important to us is the progress of AKATSUKI.

Kuro: As an idol, ya should’ve answered with somethin’ more like “the smiles of our fans.”

Keito: If we’re very successful and sparkle brightly, our fans will be pleased and smile anyways, right?

Keito: We would like to bolster our reputation by hosting ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth.’ However, in order for the show to be a success, we need the cooperation of the ‘Three Sages.’

Keito: However, in order to get them to cooperate with us, we have to meet their conditions—

Keito: …I’m just repeating myself. What I’m trying to say is that the order of priorities is (1) AKATSUKI’s progression, (2) Getting ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ approved, and (3) the feelings of the ‘Three Sages.

Keito: In the most extreme case, even if we are unable to achieve (2) or (3), accomplishing just (1) would be fine.

Keito: … Hm? What is it, Anzu?

Keito: If you have something to add, don’t be afraid to say it. That is why I called you here, after all.

Keito: I see… That sounds drastic, but I guess it’s technically possible.

Keito: It’s not like we’d be punished for trying. Oi Kiryu, Kanzaki—

Keito: Let’s prepare whatever documents and materials we’ll need by tomorrow.

Keito: As per Anzu’s suggestion, we’ll make a trial version of ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ on our own.

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