#and if anyone else gets offended on my behalf and says something. well that's not technically my fault now is it

[himbosandhardwear]

Steddie I Soulmate AU I 2k I Rated Mature I idiot4idiot

The thing about linking with your soulmate, you never knew when it was going to happen. There were horror stories about it happening during weddings to someone else or while performing heart surgery or landing a plane, but linking was so rare, stories like that seemed more like fairy tales than cautionary ones.

If anyone had asked Eddie what he thought about it, he would've said the odds of there being some guy out there destined to be his mate, let alone that he'd have to worry about linking during some critical moment, were astronomically low.

He'd be wrong.

Because his ears are ringing, his vision has tunnelled, and there's an empty vacuum where his usual chaotic thoughts should be. All signs pointing toward-

Hello?

Jesus H. Christ, not now! Not right now, this cannot be happening now. Quick! Think of something else! Uhhh… Golems! Ice golems! Or maybe frost giants. Yeah! Not having hate sex with your arch nemesis. Shit! Stop thinking about it! Frost giants, frost giants, frost giants!

Hate sex? He hears echo around his noggin next. Arch nemesis?

Fuuuuuck. No, darlin’, don't even worry about that stray thought! Nothing to see here. I'm, uh, baking! Yeah. Brownies. For a charity bake sale

A long pause, empty space between them, before he says, I don't believe you. I think you are having sex

Sex?! He screeches. How dare you! I would never!

You would. Go balls deep into a guy you don't even like, sounds like to me. Class act.

Oh god, there’s gotta be a way to salvage this.

No, let me explain, please!

Knock yourself out

Right. So, this guy, I know him from school, right? And he was always kind of a jerk. The space between them pings with a sort of stung feeling but Eddie doesn't understand how any of this works yet so he ignores it. But we end up having a few mutual friends, and this one really weird event happens that forces us to, like, team up, I guess. After all that I'm spending more time around the guy and he's not so bad. Invited me over to smoke up with him, which was cool. I'm gonna be totally honest, I'm not sure how exactly we got here, the sex part, but it’s pretty hot and heavy, kinda aggressive, so… yeah. Hate sex I guess

Soulmate is quiet again. His feelings bleed through anyway, at least Eddie's pretty sure that's what he's getting. It feels like embarrassment and disappointment.

You okay? Did I scare you off?

You don't like the guy at all? You said arch nemesis

Oh. Uh. Well… How did he explain to his future partner, if he hadn't already ruined it, that he likes him plenty, he's just been holding him at arms length, metaphorically, because he assumed the guy was straight? Up until roughly twenty minutes ago. He should probably start with honesty.

No, I like him okay. He's not as bad as I'd always thought. We give each other shit but I'm pretty sure it's just left over bullshit stereotypes from high school. I bully him about his music taste, he bullies me about my shitty van. That type of thing

…Right

He waits to hear back from his soulmate but he's not very talkative. That's okay, Eddie can talk enough for both of them.

So, what were you up to when we linked? Not driving I hope

He can hear the guy sighing over the link, which is worrying.

You'll never believe it, but I'm also having sex at the moment

Seriously? That's hilarious

Yeah. A hoot

Not having fun?

I was. But I recently found out the guy doesn't like me that much. So, yeah, real mood killer

Oh man. That sucks

Oh my god. Yeah, it really does. Kinda wish he'd get off of me so we can get the awkward part over with but he's distracted at the moment

Doing what?! Eddie yells, offended on his behalf.

“He’s busy not realizing he linked to the guy he was hate fucking.”

Huh?

“Eddie, open your fucking eyes.”

That's Steve talking.

He blinks his eyes open to see Steve looking up at him. He's not pleased.

Wait

“Yeah.”

Oh my god

“As impressive as it is that you managed to stay hard through that whole thing, I'd appreciate it if you-” He hisses as Eddie, rudely he realizes, pulls out without warning.

He scrambles to the end of the bed, bunching up the comforter around his junk. “I'm so sorry, fuck, Steve, I'm so sorry. I don't… I didn't…”

He can't fix this, he starts to slowly comprehend. He's made Steve think he hates him.

“Nah, it's cool. I get it.”

I don't hate you, I swear. You have to believe me

“Sure, Eddie.” He's yanking his briefs back on, angry and trying not to show it. “You just don't like me much.” Can't believe I did this again. So fucking stupid

Eddie's certain he's not meant to hear any of that but he responds anyway.

You're not stupid. Please let me explain

“You already did. And I am fucking stupid,” he snaps. “Here I thought we were flirting this whole time and you thought we were bullying each other. That's real fuckin’ stupid of me. I'd convinced myself you actually-” He snaps his teeth shut but Eddie can still hear the unfinished -liked me. “I really wish you would control your feelings, dude. You're broadcasting your horror straight into my head.”

“I don't know how to stop,” he quietly admits.

“Well if you'd ever shown up to health class you'd know how to control it.”

I never thought I would get a soulmate

Steve's surprise at that pings around his brain before he does what Eddie can't and shuts it down.

“I did. I've been thinking about it for years.”

And you ended up with me… And I ruined it before we even got started. I ruined it. Steve Harrington is my soulmate and I ruined it. What the fuck

“You don't have to say it like I'm some kind of prize.” He steps into his jeans and tugs them back up to his hips, not even bothering to do them up. Which is- “I guess it's nice that you think I'm hot. That's something. Maybe we'll be the first casual hookup soulmates.”

He has to fix this. Somehow. Think, god damnit! Wait! That's it! He just has to show Steve what he's thinking!

“I wish you wouldn't.”

“Too bad!” He snaps back.

Okay, as embarrassing as this is about to be, he has to tell the truth.

Eddie was in the 8th grade, Steve in 7th, when they first met. Or, when Eddie first noticed Steve anyway, they never really spoke to each other, their cliques already established by then. But Eddie can remember it like it was yesterday. It was lunch, Eddie was walking by with his bagged PB&J, when he heard it. Steve laughing. It was so joyful, Eddie didn't even know what he was laughing about but it made him smile anyway. Of course one of Steve's shitty jock friends caught him staring and called him a queer freak but that wasn't unusual.

“What the fuck, Eddie? Why do you remember that? And how are you so good at visualizing?”

He ignores the questions to move on to the next memory. Eddie's sophomore year they somehow ended up in the same Shop class. Again, they never spoke but he got to watch Steve work, tongue poking out while he concentrated, the proud look on his face when he whittled some hunk of wood into a recognisable shape.

“I forgot about that. It was a dolphin. I was dating Chelsea Hosteller, they were her favorite animal.”

“Lucky her.”

“Hey, fuck you, man, you're the one showing me this shit! What am I supposed to assume from any of this? You thought I was cute? So what? You clearly don't like who I am as a person, so what difference does it make?”

He's not going to have the patience for every single moment, and they're a lot of them, Eddie realizes that now. So he speed runs through them, making sure to send every bit of feeling through their link.

Steve in his Scoops outfit, luring Eddie to the mall but never making him brave enough to go in. The horror of not knowing whether Steve was alive or dead when he heard about the mall burning down. The joy of finding him at Family Video, somewhere he had reason to visit.

You never even talked to me there

Listening to every word to every story Henderson told him about Steve and his bravery. Pretending to be annoyed so no one noticed he was eating it up. Getting to know the real Steve over Spring Break, the giddiness he couldn't quite tamp down, even as he was scared shitless. The pain of knowing Steve was still in love with Nancy Wheeler, even though it was the obvious narrative to Steve's fairytale life. Of course he gets the girl at the end.

What? Is that why you-

The way he stuck around afterward, even though their dynamic was more antagonistic than friendly, and the way Eddie thrived off of every snarky comment. How it felt like banter even though Eddie knew, by all logic and reason, Steve was merely tolerating his presence. They would always be antithetical to each other, circling but never meeting.

Eddie, no

Steve growling ‘Do you ever shut up!’ before pouncing on him downstairs. The heavy pounding of his heart as he wrestled Steve up the stairs. The way his brain never did catch up to what was happening or why, until it was too late, and he was ruining both the greatest sex he'd ever had and also the chance to prove, though he's still completely unworthy, that he has already been primed and ready to fall for Steve for years. The shame of ruining it. The heartbreak of ruining it. The teeny, tiny spark of hope as Steve stares him down. He has to close his eyes to avoid it, lest he say something stupid and fuck it up again.

You…do like me?

Yeah, Stevie. I like you a whole lot. I just didn't think I was allowed to like you. I didn't realize you liked me too. I'm sorry I said all that shit earlier. I didn't want to tell the guy I'd just linked with that I was thoroughly enjoying the chance to sleep with this guy I'd had a crush on for years. That seemed rude

The bed dips and so does Eddie's stomach. Steve's enormous hands slide up his neck, into his hair, and gently cradle his face as he leans in to kiss Eddie square on the mouth.

Oh. Hi

Hi

This is nice

I think so too. How do you feel about finishing what we started but this time we both know that we like each other?

That sounds awesome. But are you sure? I really, really fucked up the first time

I thought you were perfect up until you called me your arch nemesis

I have been told that sometimes I'm a little dramatic

You know what, that's fair. I really should've taken that as a compliment, if anything

See? Now you get it

What I'm getting is another condom. Hold my ankle so I don't slide off the bed

You got it, baby

Unbelievable. Salvaged the wreckage of his own stupidity and managed to bag the hottest guy in town! Score one for the nerds!

“I heard that.”

[awearywritersworld]

the day of my execution

sukuna x reader summary: gojo, yuuji, and sukuna discuss what happened at the store. sukuna begins to consider your mortality like never before and takes care of you when you're sick. w/c: 2.7k tags/warnings: fluff. mentions of attempted kidnapping. banter. reader has the flu. aged up!yuuji. not canon compliant. fem!reader. no use of y/n. a/n: sorry for disappearing for so long, but here is the long awaited next chapter. i've put a second a/n at the end, so i hope you'll read it. please excuse me talking out of my ass trying to rationalize my application of jujutsu, but if gege does it, so can i. i hope it kind of makes sense though. series masterlist // masterlist

truthfully, yuuji expects his wednesday morning to be as uneventful as any other, but when he stands in front of the bathroom sink to brush his teeth, his eyes are not the only ones staring back at him.

"what d'ya want?" he groans. "it's too early for this."

"we need to talk."

sukuna doesn't give his vessel a chance to respond before he begins recounting the events of the previous night, a story which has yuuji's face cycling between surprise, worry, and dismay. "the man claimed someone sent him?"

"that's what i said," sukuna responds impatiently.

"why would anyone be after her? i don't understand."

"would it kill you to use your brain for once?" sukuna questions, having had the entirety of the night to ponder the situation. "think, idiot. who would be interested in using her in some ploy? against you. against... us."

yuuji's eyes widen. "the higher ups?

"no one else would be so brazen."

it strikes sukuna as ironic that just days after he relayed the cruelness he endured at the hands of jujutsu society's higher ups a millenia ago, you too almost became one of their victims. it's a reality that he despises.

"i should call gojo—"

"that is out of the question."

"do you want to keep her safe or not?"

sukuna scoffs. "this is how we keep her safe. if the higher ups are after her, we can't trust other sorcerers."

yuuji almost seems offended on gojo's behalf. after all, he's known him for the better part of a decade. "i'd trust gojo with my life."

"well this isn't your life we're talking about. this is much more important."

yuuji chuckles. "i know. that's exactly why we need help."

before sukuna can protest, yuuji's dialing his old sensei and asking to meet somewhere they can speak privately.

that's how they end up at a small bakery on the outskirts of tokyo, sukuna relaying the story for the second time that morning.

once he finishes, gojo leans back in his chair and folds his hands behind his head. "well, i don't think you're wrong about the higher ups being involved."

"so what are we supposed to do?" yuuji asks. "they might use her to get to me, but you don't think the higher ups would actually put her life in danger, do you?"

though yuuji's question is directed toward gojo, it isn't him that answers.

"you're as naive as ever," sukuna scoffs. "they'll stop at nothing to achieve their own ends."

gojo grimaces, a silent agreement with the assertion. "i can do some poking around, see who ordered it to be done."

"and what exactly is that going to do? there's no reasoning with them."

"a fact i am well aware of," the white haired man narrows his eyes at the king of curses. "but there is leverage in power, something i happen to have more of than anybody—"

"almost anybody—"

"so as the strongest, i'll take care of this as soon as i can."

"hey, um, so as productive as all the dick measuring is," yuuji interrupts. "it doesn't keep her safe in the meantime."

"i have an idea in that regard," sukuna says. "it's an ancient practice, and while it doesn't offer any protective measures, it will allow me to find her if they make another attempt like last night."

gojo leans forward, clearly interested to hear more.

"i can imbue a talisman with a part of myself and if she wears it, it will act as a beacon for her location."

"with part of yourself? as in, your cursed energy?" yuuji speculates. "wouldn't that do more harm than good? attract cursed spirits and whatever?"

"no, i'm not a fool. it's not cursed energy."

sukuna is hesitant to clarify further. he'd done something similar when creating his fingers, but it was different then. it was a selfish endeavor to preserve his life long after it was his time to die. it was a dark sort of jujutsu, one meant only to bring destruction.

but intention is important in sorcery. it can change the very essence of the practice.

for the first time in his life, sukuna is acting selflessly, concerned only with your protection. it's a pure sort of jujutsu this time around, one that allows him to impart a piece of himself that isn't tainted by cursed energy.

and because of that, that part of him would be unprotected. it'd leave him uniquely vulnerable. it's a steep and dangerous measure. that's why the practice had been forgotten long before the modern age.

"then what could it possibly be?" it's quiet for a moment as yuuji's question hangs in the air.

"it's your soul, isn't it?" the disbelief lacing gojo's voice is quite plain, but he's heard whispers of such techniques. "you'd give her a piece of your soul."

sukuna's never been one for unfinished business, so it's no surprise when he finds himself on the couch, intent on finishing the stranger. besides, it had become clear he'd been focusing on the wrong aspects of the book when he first began reading it.

he's three chapters from the end when he hears a loud shatter from the kitchen, followed by a sharp gasp. the broken glass hasn't even finished sliding across the floor before he's at your side.

"what happened?" the alarm in his voice doesn't go unnoticed by you.

"nothing, nothing," you assure him. "i just dropped my cup."

crouching down, you reach for one of the bigger pieces before your hand is swiftly smacked away. "don't."

"it's fine. it's only a little glass."

when you reach for it again, he grabs your wrist. "you troublesome little thing. do you ever listen?"

"i don't make a habit of it."

"i know. the question was rhetorical."

sukuna's already noticed the shards of glass surrounding your bare feet, so he wastes no time in picking you up and placing you on the countertop.

"don't move." he says it in such a way that, for once, you don't even think about disobeying him.

he all but stomps out of the room, returning moments later with a broom and dust pan. there's a small smile playing on your lips as you watch him gather the larger pieces before sweeping up the rest.

and you know, it's really not fair. sukuna could even call it a cosmic injustice, the way he has to worry about broken glass and fragile fingertips.

but he likes you and he likes the pads of your fingers, particularly the way they feel against his skin and run through his hair, so he swallows his pride.

it's been consuming him lately— the fact that you are just as easily broken as the glass that littered the kitchen tile. he never considered just how many ways there are for a human to die until you were nearly taken from him.

so once he's done, he rests the broom and dustpan against the wall and stands in front of you, his hips situated between your knees.

reaching into his pocket, he pulls out a necklace and your mouth falls open in shock. a delicate chain is threaded around his fingers, while its ruby pendant dangles in the air. "i want you to have this."

"what.. what is it?"

he snorts. "you don't know what a necklace is?"

you let out a breath of a laugh. "of course i do. i'm just surprised."

you hold up your palm and he places the necklace there gently. inspecting the gem, you notice it bears a striking resemblance to the color of his eyes.

strangely, it's almost as if it's heavier than it should be— like it's weighed down by some importance beyond your comprehension.

"it's beautiful," you tell him honestly. "are you sure?"

"sure of what?"

"that i should have it."

he pauses before responding, taking in the way you're so gingerly holding it. he's scared you've realized what he's actually giving you. that you're repulsed by it.

he's hesitant when he asks, "why would you think otherwise?"

"i didn't do anything to deserve something like this."

sukuna breathes a sigh of relief. "you are ever the fool."

his hands find your hips, pulling you off the counter and onto your feet. he plucks the necklace from your hand, then shifts to stand behind you.

moving your hair to the side, his fingers brush lightly against your skin. "the necklace is undeserving of adorning your neck. not the other way around."

and he knows it's the truth. a piece of him, attached to a creature so lovely she should be out of his reach... well, that's just unseemly, isn't it?

"but promise me something anyway."

"anything," you say without delay.

he situates the chain around your neck, the pendant lying in the space where your collarbones meet, and fastens the clasp. when you turn to face him, you're met with an alarmingly grave expression.

"promise you won't ever take it off."

you fiddle with the ruby somewhat nervously, feeling as if you're missing some important piece of the puzzle.

you nod in response to his request, but it isn't enough for him.

"say it."

"i promise."

he can see that you're biting back questions, so he explains, "if you're wearing that, i'll always know where to find you."

it finally dawns on you, for the first time, how much the incident at the store truly affected him. it's not the way he ended those men that clued you in, nor is it the way he pleaded with you to forgive him.

it happens in this moment. it's the gentleness of his voice, despite his underlying desperation. it's the way he's watching you carefully, as if you're likely to disappear. it's the fact he wouldn't let you clean up a mess of your own making, because he can't stand the thought of seeing you bleed.

"i... i don't know what to say."

"well, that's a first."

"shut up," you punch his shoulder. "you're ruining the moment."

"right, my bad," he chuckles and glances down at the gemstone. "do you like it?"

you let out a breath. "of course. i love it."

he smiles at your words— soft and genuine— truly a rare sight. "good."

you notice that he's looking at you. really looking at you. his eyes shift away from yours and over to each of your temples. then down to your nose. your mouth. even your chin.

he takes in every detail and he feels like he's in your debt simply for gazing at your countenance.

you almost regret it when your hands curl around the collar of his shirt and pull his lips to yours. you should have savored his smile, spent time committing it to memory.

although, that's soon forgotten as you feel the curve of his mouth deepen while his lips move against yours.

it isn't until day three of your ceaseless coughing and sneezing that sukuna adds them to his list— broken glass, fragile fingertips, coughs, and sniffles.

his concern is clear from the way he dotes on you. he brings you cold cloths, makes you tea, massages your neck, runs you baths.

now he's on his way to a twenty four hour pharmacy to pick up more medicine to reduce your fever, and while it's only a block away, he's still doing it alone.

but not even for a moment does he consider running off to burn the world's largest city to the ground. the streets are crawling with people, but he finds himself avoiding them more than anything.

he has to get back to you after all.

the only thought on his mind other than you is the ending of the stranger. the main character, while awaiting his beheading from his prison cell, conveys his final words to readers:

for the first time, in that night alive with signs and stars, i opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world. finding it so much like myself— so like a brother, really— i felt that i had been happy and that i was happy again. for everything to be consummated, for me to feel less alone, i had only to wish that there be a large crowd of spectators on the day of my execution and that they greet me with cries of hate.

in sukuna's first life, perhaps this line would have resonated with him. it was a life where he had resolved himself to the idea that nothing really mattered, because the alternative was too painful. it didn't matter that jujutsu society betrayed him. it didn't matter that he stole people's lives out from under them. it didn't matter that he was alone.

and while he would have never surrendered himself to execution, if that had been his fate, he would have preferred to go out surrounded by living reminders of all he had accomplished. surrounded by all the people he had ruined.

however, when he imagines such an occurrence happening in his present life, there is only one face throughout the entire crowd and it belongs to you.

the very thought makes him sick with grief.

looking up, he realizes that there are no stars in tokyo anymore, that there is no feeling of indifference when it comes to you, and that there is no happiness to be had when you are not by his side.

he knows he'll never shed another drop of innocent blood if it means you'll always have that look of adoration in your eyes when your gaze falls on him.

so his trip to the pharmacy is short and hurried.

opening your apartment door, he's careful to be quiet in case you're sleeping, but he finds you peering at him from the couch.

your hair is disheveled. there's a sheen of sweat across your forehead. your eyes are beyond tired. your shirt is wrinkled.

you're still the most pleasing thing he's ever laid eyes on.

"you're back," you rasp.

"i'm back," he affirms, slipping off his shoes.

you sit up and quickly regret it, your hand coming to rest against your stomach. "god, i feel like i'm gonna puke."

"charming."

you use all your strength to throw a pillow at him, which he easily catches before tossing something small in your direction— a ginger chew to help with the nausea.

you unwrap it and pop it in your mouth. "thanks."

he hums in response, settling down in the spot beside you. once he pulls the medicine from the bag, it's followed by two bottles. "got you these, too."

recognizing them as your favorite drink, your exhausted and delirious brain makes your eyes well up with grateful tears. "you're so sweet."

"yeah, whatever. don't get used to it."

"but you are. you're sweet and kind, except i'm the only one who knows it," you pause before continuing, your head falling onto his shoulder. "why is that?"

he contemplates denying that he possesses any such quality, but decides against it. "you're the only one who's ever cared to know."

he can feel the heat of your temple through his shirt, so he opens the box of fever reducers and pops out two tablets before handing them to you. "take these. you're burning up."

you do as he says without protest. standing up and stretching your arms above your head, sukuna's eyes wander to where your shirt rides up and reveals your stomach.

"c'mon, let's go to bed," you yawn.

he follows after you wordlessly, carelessly pulling off his shirt and climbing into bed beside you. curling up against his side, your head comes to rest on his chest and it's quiet for a few passing moments.

"you can't see the stars from tokyo anymore."

"what?" you ask sleepily.

"the stars. there's too much light to see them from here."

"oh, yeah. we can take a trip to the mountains soon. you can see them pretty well from there."

"i'll hold you to that."

and so with the promise of a beautiful night sky, with the company of someone who means the world to him, and with the feeling of your body pressed against his— sukuna feels that he had been happy and that he was happy again.

a/n 2: hey! so i'm sorry again for stopping updates without really saying anything. i think i just needed to step away from tumblr and writing for a while because i was getting a bit overwhelmed. i was also a little unsure about the direction of this chapter. i was struggling to incorporate the necklace part without it seeming cheesy or weird. that being said, thanks as always to everyone for your support of this series. it's really heartwarming and much appreciated. if you have any feedback, i'd love to hear! i'm not sure when the next update will be, but i'll do my best to keep you guys posted. all my love - m<3

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[bunny-jpeg]

https://www.tumblr.com/bunnys-kisses/768349619894861824/im-holding-your-hand-when-im-saying-this-as-a?source=share

people started asking crane (Max’s friend) on stream if Lestappen (Charles and max) is real. I think he was like “I shouldn’t be furthering/entertaining this” (I forgot what he said word for word). People took it as something to be excited about, that the drivers are aware of the ships and all, but idk. I think fandoms are getting too bold for my liking. I have no problem with shipping, but this parasocial behaviour is out of hand. I saw this when 1D was still a group (with Harry x Louis shippers harassing Louis to the point where he got so upset when the ship was referenced in the popular show Euphoria), I’ve seen it with Kpop in which idols have stopped hanging out publicly because fandoms get out of hand (a girl in the group Aespa had a boyfriend earlier this year and fans got very upset because they shipped her and another member and they broke up. A few years ago, 2 members of two different kpop groups (SNSD and EXO) dated and the girl got harassed at the airport even). And now this.

Fandoms get so parasocial so quickly, it’s insane. It’s not new behaviour, but it’s strange.

exactly, this isn't new behavior. but i feel like it's become more emboldened with how much more "online" both fans and companies/groups are.

more under the cut, because this is a long one....

i also think it ties into this notion that i've been seeing online about how fans have this feeling to be "right" both with rpf and fiction as well. that their theories, opinions and whatever else is "correct". i've seen this with like pieces of media like steven universe and even star wars. like fandom isn't fun anymore, it has become this weird one up over each other. i honestly don't know when this changed, my guess is around the pandemic when it seemed like people were more logged into the internet. but, i could be wildly off with that. (if you have an idea, i'd love to know). it just feels stupid in so many ways how fandoms are structured. even if you're not the "best" artist or writer, people can't have FUN in fandom - of course that doesn't mean it has to be absolved criticism. you can have fun and still call out hate within spaces. the issue with formula one (along with k-pop like you mentioned, anon), is that these aren't characters. this isn't arguing in the tags over is finnpoe or reylo is more valid or legitimate within the narrative. these are REAL people, with REAL friends, families and partners.

it's this weird push to have someone's theory - and while i have a soft spot for lestappen, it is at the end of the day nothing more than fan theory - be confirmed. also personally, if hattie (oscar's sister) or crane (max's friend) "outed" them, i would be horribly fucking offended on oscar/max's behalf. to have someone you TRUST just out you like that. it's sick. maybe it's because i worked in queer spaces from high school all the way through uni, and the number one rule no matter WHAT, is you never out someone. even if the question is harmless and the person asking has no ill intention. you never out another person, because it's not YOUR coming out. so the fact that fans are near begging these people to OUT their loved ones, is not only a level of delusion that i can't ever comprehend. but, also it could honestly, ruin that interpersonal relationship.

so like even if a driver is queer, whoever it may be. could be a driver from the 90s, could be a driver today, it could be a driver in five years, i don't want someone else in their life outing them. because that's THEIR story. and fans need to realize that. bothering crane or hattie or alexandra (i've seen that too) - isn't helping anyone and it makes you look unhinged and weirdly alienates not only the driver but their loved ones. YES, they knew it exists, it is EVERYWHERE. but shoving it in their faces doesn't help. and you're never going to get the confirmation because there is a high chance that their not even queer to begin with. and if they are, NOT OUR CONCERN

i don't have a problem writing or consuming rpf, it is not a crime nor do i think it should be stopped. like HAVE FUN. but you have to realize that it's not like debating star wars or marvel or whatever other piece of fictional media. formula one is REAL, they are not actors. they are athletes, and unless you want all rpf to be shut down some how. i suggest the likes of some of ya'll need to understand that there are different boundaries. and respect them.

i know they're all millionaires, but they still breathe and bleed as a friend of mine once said. it's fun to put them in little scenarios in fanworks, but just keep it out of their direct attention. there are unspoken boundaries, that some of ya'll need have said to you apparently.

asking oscar issac if he THINKS that finnpoe is real is VERY different than asking someone's sister if she thinks her REAL LIFE BROTHER is fucking his REAL LIFE TEAMMATE. - people's relationships have turned to ash over insistent rpf in their faces all the time.

my advice at the end of the day is: have fun, don't write or draw it because you want confirmation that it's a real relationship. write or draw it because you're having fun. fandom is about making friends and shipping in whatever context is about finding a slice of community on the vast internet, not cracking the code of if it is a real relationship. - bunny.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

that neige anon made me think... i think this is the first time someone apologizes to you 💀 there's been handful of uncomfortable or rude asks in this blog, but i don't recall noone before this anon apologizing like, ever 😭 i would be soooooo mortified if i crossed a line w/ someone unintentionally, i can't imagine just reading that you didn't receive my ask in a nice way and going "oh well" with my day

like brotha THAT'S RUDEEEE

[Referencing this post!]

Oh, that’s definitely not the first one 😅 It’s just the first one I publicly responded to in a while. I only reply publicly if I have something else to add to what was already said; otherwise, I try to reply privately or not at all.

Typically those apologies result from miscommunications (overstepping my personal boundaries or maybe being too harsh with word choice/tone which could be insensitive to fans of a particular character) and little real or intentional harm is done. Sometimes the misunderstanding occurs on my end (like I’ll misread a tone or take the word choice too seriously), and I’ll fully own up to that. It’s a natural consequence of communicating on the internet, where it’s challenging to read intentionality.

The rudest askers are the ones that don’t acknowledge their missteps and the harm they caused, or simply refuse to listen to the other side (in this case, me)—but to be fair, that’s par for the course. I figure that if someone is going to be that vitriolic or pompous to begin with, then I can’t expect them to realize the error of their ways and try to make amends for it 💦 They’ll most likely continue to think they’re in the right, and that’s a fight you cannot “win” no matter what 🤷‍♀️ so it’s pointless to hold your breath and keep waiting for them to have a change of heart + come around. Better to just let them be, y’know?

Not everyone is terminally online enough to catch every response to an ask they sent in, especially not with the volume of asks I get and my frequent posting schedule. (Unlike an actual irl convo, you can walk away from this blog anytime you like; you don’t owe me a response.) Not everyone reacts the same way when learning about a negative reaction to their ask. Maybe some think an apology is warranted, but others could easily shrug it off or maybe even think I’m the one overreacting or reading too much into what they said. And honestly? Apologizing is hard to do! It takes emotional maturity and the willingness to be vulnerable and admit that you messed up—skills that not every has or may not be ready for. Those situations are very possible, and not always a matter of politeness vs rudeness.

All that is to say that while I definitely appreciate apologies, I don’t expect them from everyone and anyone that has been impolite to me or uncomfortable to interact with. It’s just how it is! (I also appreciate how fired up you sounded in this ask 😂 almost like you’re offended on my behalf djsvjwwbkwjw)

[blazinghotfoggynights]

This fandom is turning into a madhouse!

Why? 😢

What is all the arguing about? Why are fans taking sides in multiple standoffs. How are these wars starting?

What I have to say may not be well-received by some sides in the numerous boxing matches active in this fandom right now, but I'm going to say my piece. 🤷‍♀️ I am not responsible for white-hot rage, tears, or epiphanies that you don't want. So, proceed at your own risk. Or whatever.

Buddie vs BuckTommy

BuckTommy fans, Buddie fans were not seeing things. Those characters were written as being pulled into each other's orbits and it was more than platonic. It wasn't blatant, and it has been hinted it couldn't be due to the network. Even now, with Eddie and Buck being in relationships, and Eddie somehow being in multiple, they are still using Buddie to promote the show. If they are not going to happen, then why the use that to get ratings? That is the definition of baiting.

Buddie fans, BuckTommy is canon. They may not last or they may be endgame. We won't know until it happens. Why lose your mind over fictional characters that one man controls? It's simple. If you feel they played the Buddie card only to put Eddie in a mess of epic proportions and make Buck become Evan Buckley-Kinard, tune out and keep fanfic alive. Do you know how many fandoms have followed that process? If Tommy was brought back just as a plot device, then it's not much better than baiting.

You know what would be hilarious? Buck meets a third person, falls in love, and marries them.

It would shut both sides down if it was a woman. (I may have a petty streak and if I were in charge, I could see making it Taylor or Abby.)😈🤣(Maybe then the warring factions could call a truce over tears and beers.)

Tommy Kinard was not a good guy. That's not delusion. That's canon.

BuckTommy fans, the character of Tommy Kinard has done multiple problematic things, and the writers are not addressing any of it. Telling people to get over it is not cool. Being closeted or confused is no excuse for calling Chimney the delivery guy and Hen the b-word. He was actively and willingly participating is some of the worst forms of bullying someone can experience. He wasn't a teenager who was just trying to fit in. He was a grown man. No excuses for his behavior are acceptable and, in the real world, you would be hard-pressed to find his victims forgiving him. They would not be his friends.

I can see why women, especially black women and LGBTQ women, and non-white men, especially Asian men, would say they don't like how his past transgressions are being ignored. He was openly racist and misogynist. That is canon. Nothing was misunderstood or misinterpreted. Tommy was a d*ck.

If you watch how Lou is portraying Tommy, there are indications that what we saw in season 2 is a part of his personality. The lack of discussion about his past could be intentional because it may come up in the future.

How has no one noticed how he speaks to Buck sometimes? Maybe I am just older than most in the fandom and have experienced a lot more, but there are things about Tommy Kinard's behavior that don't seem very...nice. The way he speaks to Buck sometimes is like he is dismissing what he thinks or feels. Sometimes he seems to be speaking to Buck as if he is a child. I was offended on Buck's behalf.

The biggest CAUTION sign so far was when he admitted he is jealous of the 118. What? That doesn't even make sense! Think about it. Tommy went out of his way to make the 118 hostile toward anyone who wasn't a het white male. When Bobby took over and changed the culture, he brought respect and openness which cultivated the friendship, and eventual love, that created the family the 118 is now. Tommy could have easily come out to the team under Bobby, apologized, and began building the bridges he burned. But he did not.

Tommy chose his side but now he is jealous of the work Bobby put in to clean up Gerrard's mess? Could it be something else giving his jealousy life? Could Tommy be resentful that the exclusive, prejudice environment he happily embraced, and helped keep in place, under Gerrard disappeared and because an inclusive tight-knit family created from the outcasts?

That is a very real possibility and if that is the case, it says a lot about Tommy Kinard and could lead to an interesting arc in the remainder of season 7 and season 8.

Eddie Diaz is not a bad guy.

I think Eddie has been teetering on the edge for many seasons. TBH, I am surprised he has been as stable as he has for this long. That man is walking meatsuit full of trauma.

People who are mentally stable and have healthy coping skills do not join underground fighting rings, smash their bedrooms, or ask relative strangers to watch his child and move in. There have been many indications for multiple seasons that Eddie is not in a good place but keeping it together for the sake of his son.

I do not think Eddie is trying to hurt anyone at all. I think he is trying to claw his way out of some hell his mind has had him in for a long time.

That man needs to be taken to the nearest inpatient facility and admitted. (If you are thinking of making a negative comment stigmatizing mental health awareness or treatment, reconsider, choose not to, and move along. Mental health is just as important as physical.)

Eddie Diaz is in no condition to be in a relationship with anyone except a therapist right now.

Whether you want Buddie, Eddie/Marisol, or Eddie/Wife's Ghost, if you want to see anyone with this guy right now, I have to ask you if you are feeling okay.

Remember how Eddie's parents didn't want him dragging Christopher down with him? Right now, it looks like Eddie's carefully, barely held together existence is going to go boom. Anyone in the blast radius is in danger. The only dates Edmundo Diaz should be having is at least three times weekly and begin with a mental health professional asking him if he has something he wants to talk about.

Evan "Buck" Buckley is a grown ass man. Stop infantalizing him! They even do it on the show.

I can't be the only one who sometimes forgets that thick mountain of a man is not a young twenty-something just wandering out into the world.

He's in his thirties. He's been in therapy. He's grown. He has to do what all of us adults do: Make decisions, wait to find out what happens, and deal with the consequences.

Say it with me: Buck is not a baby.

No one who has any real knowledge is going to tell fandom what the future holds for the show.

Who doesn't get that?

There are unhinged fans on every side of every current fight.

If you are attacking actors, writers, producers, networks, or anyone else, I have to wonder if you should be in a room next to Eddie after someone who loves him takes him where he should go.

That type of behavior used to get you a room with soft walls and a free jacket that left you in a permahug.

You can make anything you want happen with the characters.

It's call fanfiction and AO3 is wonderful. If there is a great story that hasn't been told, get on Word, Docs, Libre, or whatever you have and start making it a reality!

Authors have major support and respect from the fans.

If writing isn't your thing, but you are great at prompts and don't mind authors taking your prompts and creating stories, find a way to share them!

There are positive ways to channel your eyerolls, frustration, anger, or whatever. Draw fanart. Write fic. Write ideas and throw them at those who draw fanart and write fanfic.

To the whole fandom: CHILL! PLEASE!

I don't want to watch another fandom I enjoy implode. I don't want to see other fandoms assume everyone in this fandom is in need of the soft room and permahug fashion I mentioned earlier.

Been there, done that.

At the end of the day, everyone needs to remember:

It's not real.

[sapph1re]

Don't Dream it's Over

Chandler Bing x Reader | Slight Angst | Slow Burn

Summary: Chandlers dating, you're pretending not to be jealous.

masterlist

-----

May 10th, 1994

You are stunned. Not in the moved by art kind of way, but in the what did I just witness kind of way.

The play ends, the cast takes their final bow, and you and the rest of the group collapse into your seats like you’ve just survived something deeply scarring. Your hands ache from the forced applause. Your soul aches from the jazz hands FREUD! number.

“God,” Rachel mutters. “I feel violated.”

Monica groans. “Did anybody else just want to peel the skin off their body to have something else to do?”

You raise your eyebrows. “I was debating chewing through my own arm.”

Before anyone can reply, Chandler shifts beside you.

“Ross, ten o’clock,” he says urgently, still hunched like the show personally offended him.

Ross frowns. “Is it? Feels like two.”

“No-- ten o’clock,” Chandler repeats, jerking his head.

You glance over your shoulder with the rest of the group and spot her. The woman at ten o’clock. Brunette. Stunning. Legs for days. The kind of woman who looks like she smells like expensive perfume and vacation money.

Chandler’s eyes go wide. “She makes the women I dream about look like short, fat, bald men.”

You sip your Coke and say nothing. You don’t look at him.

Monica nudges him. “Well, go over to her! She’s not with anyone.”

He scoffs. “Oh yeah, and what would my opening line be? ‘Excuse me. Blarrglarrghh.’”

Rachel grins. “Oh, come on. She’s a person. You can do it!”

You can feel Chandler’s hesitation in the air beside you. It hums, awkward and electric.

“Oh please,” he says, looking at Ross. “Could she be more out of my league? Ross, back me up here.”

Ross blinks. “He could never get a woman like that in a million years.”

“Thank you, buddy,” Chandler says flatly.

Phoebe jumps in, chipper. “Oh, oh! But you always see those really beautiful women with these really nothing guys. You could be one of those guys.”

“Yeah,” you add quickly, just to have something to say. “Like Rachel and Barry.”

Monica nods. “You could totally pull it off.”

“You think?” Chandler asks, a little hopeful.

They all nod.

You stay quiet. Keep your expression breezy, your posture casual--too casual. Like if you concentrate hard enough on looking unaffected, you might actually be.

“I can’t believe I’m even considering this,” Chandler mumbles. “I’m very, very aware of my tongue…”

Ross gives him a little shove. “C’mon!”

Chandler takes a breath, adjusts his shirt, and stands. “Here goes.”

You watch him go. You absolutely do not watch the sway in his shoulders or the way he fidgets with his sleeves. You definitely don’t notice the burst of nerves you feel on his behalf.

He approaches her, they talk, and Joey comes out from backstage in his full post-play glory.

You and the others jump into cheerful chaos.

“Hey! You’re in a play!”

“I didn’t know you could dance!”

“You had a beard!”

Joey beams. “Whadja think?”

Everyone pauses. You look at each other.

Then, overlapping chatter: “Hey! You’re in a play! I didn’t know you could dance! You had a beard!”

Joey groans. “C’mon, you guys. It wasn’t that bad. It was better than that thing I did with the trolls. At least you got to see my head.”

You nod, halfhearted. “Saw your head.”

“Saw your head,” the group echoes.

Then Chandler jogs back in, triumphant.

“She said yes!” he exclaims, glowing. “She said yes!”

Your stomach twists.

He turned to Joey, “Awful play, man. Whoa.”

He turns back to the group, eyes sparkling. “Her name’s Aurora. She’s Italian. And she pronounces my name Chand-lrr. I think I like it better that way.”

He’s grinning. You’re smiling, too. On the outside.

He looks so happy. And he deserves that.

But you hate that tiny tug of disappointment in your gut. The one that reminds you of your April agreement. Just friends. You were the one who said it. You were the one who kissed him and then pulled away.

Now here he is, being charming and magnetic and maybe moving on. And you’re technically seeing that guy, Nick, who you met at the record store and thinks Toto is the best band to come out of the 80s.

You pick at the edge of your cup as Chandler hands Joey a card.

“The usher gave me this to give to you.”

Joey’s eyes go wide. “The Estelle Leonard Talent Agency. Wow. An agency left me a card! Maybe they wanna sign me!”

“Based on this play?" asked phoebe, surprised, before correcting herself. "Based on this play!"

Everyone laughs. Even Chandler, who’s clearly somewhere else entirely.

And you? You laugh too. Because you have to. Because if you don’t, you might accidentally say something like I miss you or I didn’t actually want us to be just friends or I wish I could be the one you’re grinning about right now.

So you laugh. You nod. You keep it light.

But inside, a slow flicker of regret starts to grow.

May 11th, 1994

You’re behind the counter during a lull in your shift, watching Monica lean across the table while Phoebe studies the lines on her palm like she’s deciphering an ancient scroll.

“No, ‘cause this line is passion,” Phoebe says, tracing her finger down Monica’s hand, “and this is… just a line.”

Before you can chime in, the bell over the door jingles.

“Hey, kids,” Chandler says, striding in with a smirk and an energy that’s… suspiciously smug.

“Hey,” everyone replies.

You glance up from stacking saucers. That walk has I got laid written all over it.

“Well,” he said, now lounging on the arm of the couch, “I can’t believe I’ve been here almost seven seconds and no one’s asked me how my date went.”

Monica didn’t look up from her drink. “Oh right, how was your date, Chand-lrr?”

You stiffened slightly.

Chandler lit up. “It was unbelievable. She’s had the most amazing life. She was in the Israeli army. She can field-strip an M16 blindfolded.”

Joey looked impressed. “Nice.”

Rachel blinked. “Wait, seriously?”

“Oh yeah,” Chandler said proudly. “She’s got stories. Danger, near-death, espionage. And she speaks like five languages.”

You swirled your spoon a little too aggressively in a cappuccino. “Sounds exhausting,” you muttered, mostly to yourself.

But he caught it. His eyes flicked over, quick, amused. “Don’t worry, we took turns. I told her about that time I fell asleep on the subway and woke up in Coney Island.”

You snorted. “Wow. Truly an epic to rival her time in actual combat.”

He grinned at you like you were the punchline to a private joke, and for a second, it almost felt normal again. Like before everything.

“And then,” he continued, turning back to the group, “she casually mentions her husband.”

Everyone groaned in unison.

Ross frowned. “Wait, she’s married?”

“Don’t worry-- he’s fine with it. Because, y’know, there’s also Ethan.” Chandler clarified

Monica blinked. “Ethan?”

“Her boyfriend,” he said, holding up a finger. “So: husband, boyfriend… and now, yours truly.”

Phoebe’s jaw dropped. “Oh my god, you’re her third guy?”

You walked over with his usual coffee order, placing it a little too firmly on the table in front of him. “Wow,” you said lightly, “you must feel so special.”

He raised an eyebrow at you, half a smirk tugging at his mouth. “I do, actually.”

Monica leaned back, eyebrows raised. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”

“What ‘not work out’?” Chandler said, indignant. “I’m seeing her again Thursday. Didn’t you listen to the story?”

Monica stared. “Did you listen to the story?”

“I get all the good stuff,” he said, clearly very proud of himself. “Fun, talking, sex. None of the responsibility. This is every guy’s fantasy.”

You crossed your arms and leaned against the counter. “Is it though?”

Chandler glanced at you. “Don’t tell me you’re suddenly a traditionalist.”

You shrugged. “No, I just think it’s funny you always act like you’re not secretly dying to matter to someone.”

That shut him up for exactly two seconds.

“…Okay, that’s not entirely inaccurate,” he muttered.

Rachel turned to Ross. “Is this your fantasy?”

He hesitated. “No. Of course not.” Then, after a pause, and a look from Chandler: “…Yeah. Yeah, it is.”

Monica wrinkled her nose. “What, so none of you care if the person you’re dating is already dating someone else?”

Joey shook his head. “Couldn’t do it.”

Monica nodded. “Good for you, Joey.”

Joey added, “I need to know I’m dating more people than she is. For balance.”

You held up a napkin. “Here, write that down and hang it over your bed.”

Ross, trying to recover some dignity, launched into a monologue. “Well, y’know, monogamy can be a tricky concept. I mean, anthropologically speaking--”

Everyone groaned in perfect sync and slumped in their seats like bored students.

You caught Chandler’s eye, and he gave you a small, smug smile, clearly enjoying the fallout of his little adventure.

You offered him a smile back, tight, polite.

It wasn’t that you were jealous.

You just kind of… hated Aurora.

On principle.

The place had mostly emptied out. Chairs flipped. Lights dimmed. Distant music crackled from the stereo, some mellow ‘80s track bleeding out beneath the clink of dishes.

You were behind the counter with a rag over one shoulder, counting bills from the register and resisting the urge to throw one of the pastry tongs at the man still sitting on the couch.

“I don’t suppose you’re planning on leaving at any point tonight?” you asked, not looking up.

Chandler stretched out like he was settling in for the long haul. “Why would I? I get to sit here and watch you scrub crumbs off countertops. Honestly, it’s the most action I’ve gotten all week.”

You smirked. “Did you forget the part where you’re dating a married woman with a boyfriend?”

He tilted his head. “Right. Yeah. I guess it’s been a weird week.”

You slid the register drawer shut and grabbed a rag to wipe the counters. “Weird’s one word for it.”

He didn’t answer right away. Just watched you in that too-observant way he had sometimes, like he was trying to figure out what you weren’t saying.

You wiped in tight circles. “You don’t usually hang around this late.”

"I don’t usually date polyamorous Israeli spies, either,” he said. “Life’s full of surprises.”

You huffed a laugh. “Sure is.”

Another beat passed. The air buzzed faintly under the lights. You felt him watching you again, and this time, when you glanced up, he didn’t look away.

“What?” you asked.

Chandler shrugged. “Just thinking.”

You raised a brow. “That’s dangerous.”

“I know. That’s why I’m doing it in a public space.”

You smiled, just barely, and returned to wiping down the espresso machine.

He leaned forward a little on the couch, arms resting on his knees. “You… didn’t say much tonight.”

“I was working,” you said simply.

He nodded, but didn’t look convinced. “Right.”

You turned, leaning on the counter with both hands, and met his gaze across the room. “You don’t need my opinion on every girl you date, Chandler.”

“I wasn’t asking for it,” he said. “I was just… noticing.”

You held his eyes for a second longer than necessary. Then straightened, folded the rag, and tossed it into the bin under the counter.

“You know,” you said lightly, “if I’d known you were into chaotic international love triangles, I would’ve tried harder at espionage camp.”

He grinned. “Damn. Missed opportunity.”

You reached for the lights. “Alright, Bond. Closing time.”

Chandler stood, stretching with a groan. “Fine. But I expect a free biscotti next time I swing by.”

“In your dreams.”

He started toward the door, then paused, hand on the handle. “Hey.”

You looked over.

His voice was a little softer. “Thanks for not making it weird.”

You shrugged. “What would be the point?”

He gave you a look--something unreadable, caught halfway between gratitude and regret. Then nodded once, pulled open the door, and stepped into the night.

You locked it behind him, forehead resting briefly against the cool glass, and let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding.

Nothing happened.

But it felt like something almost did.

----

[rosietrace]

Midnight Picnic

(Central) Characters Featured: Noriko Dolion, Victoria Shard

↳ { Noriko belongs to @/terrovaniadorm }

Others mentioned/featured: N/A

Pairing: Noriko Dolion & Victoria Shard

Event: Valentine's Day 2024 💌

↳ Type: Requested Oneshot! 「 🍫 — Feeding my muse chocolate 」

Part Two of: 『 Here 』

Synopsis: Perhaps Noriko's more lenient on midnight picnics now that they've experienced one with her.

Warning(s): Potentially ooc, Noriko is a simp but what else is new, established relationship??, where was I going with the plotline of this thing 💀 it went off track of the original request, Mercie forgive me if this sucks ahh 🙏, somewhat based on ‘The Archer’ by Taylor Swift

[ Apologies for any out of character moments ]

[ Reblogs > Likes ]

†•°•══════ஓ๑「♢」๑ஓ══════•°•†

Noriko Dolion was prepared at every hour of every day.

No matter what anyone thought of them, none could deny how formidable Noriko was at getting things done. Especially on behalf of others.

A man so formidable that it's seemingly impossible to turn him off kilter.

Almost.

When you're someone like Victoria Shard, you're able to do that rather easily. With how enamored Noriko was with the woman, it was no surprise that she had them wrapped around her finger.

A love for a woman that was so strong, it bordered on obsession. To Noriko, Victoria was their everything; their love, their everything, the Goddess that they'd worship at their feet.

Noriko would do anything for Victoria, as will Victoria with Noriko.

But to say Noriko wasn't caught off guard upon receiving a letter from Victoria at the earliest of mornings, was an understatement.

Now, to be clear: as bewildered as they might've felt, that didn't necessarily prevent Noriko from preparing themselves and readily sneaking out of Heartslabyul at her bequest.

They met with Victoria at the entrance of Pomefiore. With a ghost-like, gleaming smile on her face, Victoria guided Noriko deep into the forests of her dormitory.

“I never pegged you to do something like this, My Lady,” Noriko cautiously crossed the forest, hoping that his words didn't offend Victoria.

How fortunate that she chuckled in reply. “Well, it's better to expect the unexpected, don't you think, Nori?”

“How correct of you, My Lady. Forgive me for doubting your judgment.”

“You need not apologize, Nori,” with a picnic basket in her hands, Victoria turned to face the knight behind her and amusingly tapped the tip of their nose.

Noriko felt their face burn from embarrassment but quickly shook it away so as to avoid making a fool of themselves.

Their sword remained in its hilt, readily available when certain precautions needed to be met. In the face of danger, Noriko would fight for Victoria — ambitious, cunning Victoria — until their last dying breath.

As their softened set of ambers glowed in the darkness, Noriko eyed the basket in curiosity.

“If I may ask, My Lady,” they caught up to her, their hands behind their back in a militaristic form, “why are you bringing a picnic basket around?”

She did very little to mask her amusement at Noriko's question. “You'll see, Nori.”

They were going to ask what she meant by that, but words fell short as Victoria guided them to her desired destination — releasing a small giggle at how Noriko's jaw went slack.

At what seemed to be in the more hidden parts of Pomefiore's forests, lived a semi-large lake that reflected the crescents of the moon.

“I….” He gulped, taking a slight step back as he took in their surroundings.

Victoria felt content, her smile slowly becoming less and less hidden under the moonlit sky. “Beautiful, isn't it?”

Now, Noriko's eyes were no longer on the environment that stood before them.

A pair of ambers met a set of sapphires.

“Yes.”

They took a step forward. In every way that mattered, there was never a moment where they weren't utterly breathless for her.

“Beautiful, indeed.”

•♢°─────────°♢•

They settled underneath a tree, setting up their midnight picnic there due in part to Noriko's slight paranoia that it could potentially rain.

Victoria indulged in chocolate-covered strawberries, releasing a grunt of satisfaction at the way the flavor melted against her tongue.

She looked at Noriko, and placed a strawberry onto their hand, as well. “Go on, Nori.”

“Oh, My Lady, I could ne-”

“I insist, Nori.”

Well, they certainly couldn't argue with that.

They thought about Victoria a lot. Maybe to the point, it started becoming borderline concerning.

A certain Octavinelle student would've absolutely made fun of them for sneaking out so early in the morning to spend time with Victoria.

They were hopeless. They were at Victoria's mercy, and they wouldn't have it any other way. They wouldn't want it any other way.

“... I'm sorry.”

His head whipped to look at her, stiffening at the unexpected apology. One that didn't feel quite warranted. “My Lady-?”

“I'm sorry,” Victoria reiterated, “for making you do this for me.”

Sneaking out. The picnic. The risk of breaking the rules for her.

A regretful form of a smile graced her bearings. “In all honesty, I have a lot to apologize for, Nori. More specifically, I have a lot to apologize to you.”

“My Lady.”

She was but an archer, a hunter having to bring animals to an untimely demise for survival. Because if she doesn't, she'll simply starve.

And Noriko wouldn't allow her to starve. Not her, never her. Anyone else, perhaps so if their actions warranted such punishment — but never Victoria.

They would gladly become her prey.

They pulled her close, holding onto her as an act of assurance. That they weren't going anywhere, so long as she allowed them to stay by her side.

That was all they asked of her. Victoria didn't need to like them, she didn't even need to love Noriko the way they loved her; All they asked was that they stay by her side.

As thanks for everything she's done.

“You are by no means perfect,” Noriko had to learn that fact the hard way, being the knight that worshiped the ground Victoria walked on. “But that seldom diminishes what truly makes you so worth all the risk.”

Noriko leaned against the base of a tree, looking up at the moonlit sky with Victoria in his arms. A moment that felt like it had been repeated lifetimes upon lifetimes over.

“I care not for what others think of you, My Lady,” they raked a hand through Victoria's hair. If they were to be teased to a never-ending embarrassment, then so be it.

“I care for what you think of yourself.”

Victoria said nothing about that. About the way, Noriko held her so gently, so lovingly.

Holding her in a way she didn't want to believe she deserved.

All Victoria could bring herself to do was lock her Knight into an embrace that would last until sunrise.

“Nori,” her voice turned hushed, akin to a child. “Don't leave.”

“Don't leave me.”

His heart ached from hearing that. That pain only turned all the more agonizing from how subtly her voice cracked.

Noriko held her closer, firmer. Pressing a kiss so subtle that Victoria would hopefully never feel it against the top of her head. Their gentleness never dared waver. Not around her.

Never around her.

“I could never bring myself to do that, Victoria.”

†•°•══════ஓ๑「♢」๑ஓ══════•°•†

Taglist

—

Written for

@terrovaniadorm / @hallowed-delights

—

🥥

@starry-night-rose || @jasdiary || @authoruio || @nem0-nee || @fumikomiyasaki || @sakuramidnight15

—

「 Etteilla ♢」

@geminiiviolets || @twsted-princess || @mystery-skulls-ghost || @absolutelyobsessedkiya / @twistedsongstressofstarz

[redlektor]

Alfred Molina.....

When I first saw people post this guy and realized it was because they were attracted to him, I was a bit surprised. Okay, a lot surprised. Okay, shocked.

He is a big guy. Some people are into chubby men. I have never been myself but okay, I understand that some people are.

What I have a hard time understanding is his age. He is 70 years old. Are you close to that age? I am actually really curious, I really am.

I know a girl who gets crushes on really old men but she crushes on how they USED to look when they were younger men and not how they currently look. Is that the case with everyone who crushes on men this old? Is it more how they used to look or are you just as hot for his 70 year old self?

I am genuinely curious about this. I have been wondering for a while now so I figured if I ask everyone who is into men of this age then maybe I will be able to figure out if it is more about how they looked when they were younger or how they look as old men.

I hope I did not offend you. I really do mean it when I say that it is something I have been curious about.

Hello anon!

I’m not offended by your question at all. I’ll endeavor to answer, but I must preface it by saying taste is subjective and not always rational. I also wouldn’t to presume to speak on behalf of anyone else.

He is a bigger guy, as you pointed out, and I do happen to find that attractive. As far as his age goes, my first Molina character crush (for lack of a better term) was Doc Ock in Spiderman 2, when he was around 50, and I was college. I’m probably old for Tumblr (late 30’s) but not that close to 70. I have a weakness for villainous characters and he happens to play a lot of them very well—often making them the most interesting part of whatever he’s in—and is a great actor in general. Personally, I’m attracted to both his younger self and the way he looks now. I’m well aware he’s an old guy, but I happen to think he’s a sexy old guy. I can’t really give you a good reason, it’s just how I feel.

I hope that helps in some way, and thank you for the respectful ask!

[leffee]

LPs Most protective to least?

You have nooo idea how hard this actually is. I usually have some outline, at least know where few of them would be, but here I am so lost. I let this question rest in my inbox hoping I would get some idea but nooope. So, I propose a different plan, I will give you my thoughts about this on each of them, and then maybe I'll try to make a list from most to least, but I can't promise anything. Just know that for now they are in random order.

Pepper - she's truly a book definition of "I, and only I, can bully them," because no matter what she says, she never means that in a hateful way of course, it's just in her nature to tease and bully her friends a little, it's an amicable gesture really. But if someone else does that with an ill intent, she's absolutely ready to throw hands. She won't straight up say she's doing that because she "loves them oh so much", but the difference in her when someone is being mean to her friend/s is very much visible and palpable. She's genuinely ready to get at them in whatever way: just straight-up physical fightining, offending them verbally, even just subtly but continuously bothering them just to annoy and simply disturb their existence.

Penny - it goes without saying that she cares about her friends a lot, thus is technically very protective. But at the same time she needs to be pushed far to act on it. So for example, unlike Pepper it's not that she will act upon hearing small or mildly rude comment targeted at someone she cares about. Or rather, she will act less extremely. She will try to de-escalate the situation and calm everyone down, if that doesn't work she might simply take them away from the situation. In short: very protective, but it doesn't show that much because she doesn't like conflict, but in extreme situations can and will use everything she has to protect. Oh, but she mostly shows her protectiveness by standing in front of whoever she's protecting, shielding them physically.

Russell - ok, so he's actually pretty protective of "his group". While they're just a simple group of friends, he is their leader, he does feel attached and responsible for their well-being as well as anyone else he cares about. At the same time though, sometimes they really need some reason or different perspective hammered into them. So, it's not that he will just mindlessly get protective for any reason, he will think about it first. If he does decide to act, he will use his words. If the person is just straight up mean, not having any good reason for attacking his friends, he will intelectually offend them. Like, he will talk so cleverly about why they're just an asshole, attacking his friends like that, that hopefully they will get so discouraged they'll walk away.

Minka - absolute gremlin behavior and absolutely can be protective in any way it is required. Even if she were to be intimidated at first, if that someone were to go after the people she cares about, all that fear is thrown aside and she will go straight to confront them. Something like, "Listen here you little shit." but not in those exact words, just this sort of behavior. Really protective actually, some of the things she would ignore if they were adressed at her, if targeted towards her friends, she will get upset on their behalf and take action. She needs a little push perhaps, but if it's received that protectiveness shines through.

Win a cent (get it, because-because Vincent sounds kinda like this, yeah, anyway) - super protective but doesn't always want to show that he cares just this much, but he absolutely does. Like Minka, offenses being directed at his friends make him act more than if they were directed at him. He will wait for a while to see if the situation de-escalates naturally (unless he's already in a vile mood, then he won't even wait), maybe he'll hiss at the person (because-because lizards hiss, you know?) but if it doesn't slow down he's in. However, sometimes he does act when nobody's looking (he knows for example, that if he acts too much or too often if Sunil's the one who needs protection, Sunil might be grateful but also feel bad in the end because it undermines his autonomy a bit). So he will wait until everyone's parted ways and come back to whoever was being an asshole and let them know what he thinks about them and is ready to fight. If that's not possible, he can always harass them by texts or calls. They want to get to the people he cares about? Well, then they need to go through him first.

Zoe - she will only really act if the situation is serious, but at the same time, she's not a pushover and doesn't want to see those she cares about be ones either. So, if the situation repeats too often for her liking she will step in as well. However, her protectiveness is especially present when she hears some comments that she's too good for her friends, because she's "too cool for them" and that she should find people from her own league to hang out with. Yeah, that used to happen sometimes and oh, she would get angry. Because they just don't understand, being herself she had to keep appearances, which included saying that she and someone are super-duper friends when it was only for show. Her actual friends might not be "the coolest or most popular" but at least they actually like her for real her, not because they want to rub off ofn her popularity.

Sunil - okay, he gets protective but when he does he's usually just brimming with smaller or bigger anger quietly, though you might get an eye roll or a sarcastic comment from him. However, he also has his height to his advantage and if the situation is serious he will happily use it if possible, because of course not everyone he'd like to confront is shorter than he is. He does use it mostly if he knows the person doesn't know him at all, so they don't have any sort of image of him in their head. For this moment he will pair his height and deep voice with tough, stoic act which is pretty effective really. But yeah, he's not exactly confrontational, so that doesn't happen that often. Plus, Vinnie's often with him and Vinnie's basically like his guard dog lol.

Well, now that I'm done and read it through I uhhhh, still don't know 🙃Like, what do I judge, how protective they act on the outside or how protective they actually feel on the inside? But as you can see they are all pretty protective. If I really had to make a list, like with a gun to the head, I think from most to least it would go like this: Vinnie, Penny, Pepper, Minka, Russell, Zoe, Sunil; but know that I'm not 100% sure about any of those placements.

[amberinn]

I'm not the kind of person who thinks "Oh nooo everyone is so right and I'm the only one who fucks it up :("

Either

I mean I WAS that person, so deep inside of my mind there is probably still some sort of hardware evidence of that pattern of thinking

But I can name so so many people who are.

Unbelievable. Really.

The ones I usually think of are my friends boyfriends.

Probably, because they're the most memorable.

I mean you do kind of tend to brush off fucked up things that happen nearby you/to you easily, but when you're offended on someone elses behalf it bothers you like the world.

And then anyone else.

There's probably like 10% of people I meet who have some sort of fucked up shit going on I usually don't notice or pay much attention to.

I could if I thought harder about it.

Sometimes it's hard to just, blame a person, because they're close to you.

I'm thinking of like, two people right now.

I support all of their wrongs (1) and rights and everything.

Honestly would side with them no matter the conflict.

Then again I'm not that.

Non-judgemental, I made fun of them like.

Once, twice, thrice. I dunno.

And well (2) I'm an emotional mess, aren't I?

Super sensitive about this in particular.

There is no way in hell I'm navigating through this correctly ever.

No.

Nope.

I've already grown accustomed to not talking to them everyday, even if I'm obsessed with them.

I can learn to take less and less.

Is it weird if I need them everyday?

Please care about me.

You don't even care about me.

I hate it. I hate it when people don't care.

I hate it when you don't care.

I hate it when I don't know how to care about (1)

I hate it when they (1) tell me they don't care more than a friend

I want my best friend to care about me like I want my crush to care about me, and so far I'm empty and alone.

But at least one of them wouldn't just leave me to die huh.

Maybe it's too selfish to say that you know.

I mean maybe I should just be alone if no one would care about me.

I dunno. It sucks.

Leave me alone.

Shush.

It doesn't matter anyway, anything I have to say.

I'm egoistic enough to not suffer from poor self esteem, something that was promitent and bright in me feels like a bubble nowadays if anything.

I don't know anything even.

See I fail people.

I'm not there when someone's apparently dealing with suicidal thoughts, I'm not there when someone's suffering.

I don't make shit better do I.

If I haven't failed before or whatever the "you give me support too" means, then I'm failing now.

And what about the person I'm not even close friends with.

What's up with them.

Like at least I've got them (1) to affirm to me I'm not a burden, but yikes.

You will regret it won't cha.

Sorry for using your DM's as a crutch to do my internship notes I do not know how to make progress on them in any other way and this gets me going at least rip

Can it just not be my problem now.

Can you forgive me in the future if I just look past this?

I don't know how to handle myself.

I want to help, but I can't even do anything about myself.

I can't even do my own life properly.

This is very selfish.

[ikkaku-of-heart]

“Why Ikkaku Ships LawNa” TED Talk

Stepping onto the stage, Ikkaku was dressed fairly professionally. A crisp black blazer, pencil skirt, and oddly enough, glasses she did not need in the slightest. Adjusting those glasses, she cleared her throat before unbuttoning the blazer to reveal a t-shirt underneath, LAW X NAMI 4 EVER printed in bold black letters over a yellow heart.

“So. Trafalgar Law and ‘Cat Thief’ Nami. Allies. Friends? No, lovers. That’s right, Law and Nami are banging. But they’re doing more than just that, aren’t they? Nami’s sunk her claws into him while Law’s stolen her heart. Or maybe it’s the other way around? Either way, it’s undoubtedly one of the best things to ever happen to my captain.”

Staring out at the audience, Ikkaku continued, “I’m sure many of you are asking ‘how the fuck do those two work?!’ Well, I can understand how you small-minded fools could think that. He’s a grumpy bastard while she’s a greedy minx. He loves doing horrible experiments while she loves conning people out of their money. But you only think that way because you aren’t looking very hard at them, are you?” She took a sip of water, paying no mind to the people who grumbled or tried to leave.

Yeah, good luck with that. She had the other Hearts barricade the doors. No one was leaving until she said so.

“That’s why I’m here; to educate the masses on why these two work. So let’s get started, shall we? We’ll start with the surface reasons. Nami is more than just a ten; she’s an eleven, just like Law. She’s drop-dead gorgeous and yeah maybe it’s shallow to say but I think Law deserves someone as pretty as him. They are very aesthetically pleasing as a pair, and it makes my inner fashionista happy to see them getting dressed up and looking damn fine when they go out together.

“But she’s more than just good looks. No, this girl is everything I think Law needs in a partner. She’s his intellectual equal. Seriously, she’s one of three people on the Thousand Sunny that Law can have an actual conversation with about hundreds of different topics. Politics, history, weather, science, economics, culture, she even knows a little bit about basic medicine so he can talk to her about his work without getting a completely blank look in response. She’s also wily as fuck. Like, her deviousness rivals his at points and that is damn impressive. Do you know how rare it is to find someone who can get the better of Law, even for something as simple as stealing a wallet? And even fewer people he likes enough to not plot murderous revenge against. Just petty payback. It’s great to watch.”

Had it been anyone else, perhaps Ikkaku would have been offended on her captain’s behalf that someone would be bold enough to even attempt to pickpocket him, but Nami was a rare, extremely endearing exception. A woman who had managed to capture his attention and can keep him on his toes was exactly the kind of woman she could picture Law falling for.

“Next, she’s also a great balance to his personality. I’m not blind to the fact that my captain is a fucking grumpy ass and a bastard. All dark and edgy and full of spite towards the world. Nami’s not quite pure sunshine but she’s bright, you know? She’s gone through some shit too but is still smiling despite that. Still fighting to achieve her dream. Kind of a warm summer sunbeam to counteract his winter gust of wind if you want to get poetic about it. But she’s also not totally innocent. She’s done some dark shit for the sake of survival. You don’t spend years working for the man who murdered your mother for the sake of freeing your village without doing some morally questionable things. Yeah, not nearly as bad as Law has but she’s still got a bit of darkness balance out the brightness. I think someone who was too much joy and sunshine would utterly repulse a cynic like Law. Gotta have a bit of both. But she’s definitely more light than dark which is what he needs.

“And then there’s the fact that she doesn’t stand for his bullshit. She’s willing to call him out when he’s being too much of a bastard or a stubborn ass. Law needs more people who care about him enough to do that. I can’t always be the one pointing out when he’s being an ass. It’s nice to have someone I can tag in to take over an argument when I need a breather.”

One could argue that was a somewhat selfish reason, and perhaps it was just a little, but Ikkaku would stand by her statement. Hell, having a second person willing to come in and tell him off was a good thing for all parties. It was easier to ignore the scolding from his engineer after all these years, so a second opinion telling him he was being reckless or not taking proper care of himself might actually manage to convince him to do what was best.

“But I think the biggest thing that makes them work is that Nami understands Law in a way I don’t think anyone else really can. She’s told me about what her life was like before Straw Hat saved her, and Law finally spilled his guts to us after Dressrosa. It’s impossible not to see the parallels, even if their stories are kind of opposites. Like, both of them became pirates at a young age and were forced to deal with the guilt that came from the death of a beloved parental figure sacrificing themselves for them. Both were haunted by the shadow of that murderer throughout their lives until Straw Hat stepped in and kicked their ass. So, they can relate to each other in ways I don’t think others really can. Not even me and the crew.

The thing is, Nami’s gotten closure in a way that Law hasn’t. She’s learned to let go and even forgive a little. To smile with all her heart and keep moving forward with her life. So I think Nami’s really fucking good for him because she’s an example of what he can be. She went through a hell that wasn’t totally unlike his, but she came out the other side with a smile despite it all. Hell, you could even argue that she went through something even worse than Law, since he at least didn’t have to work under the person he hated the most through most of his life. I think if their situations were switched, neither would have survived.”

Ikkaku gave a sigh. “Straw Hat kicking Doflamingo’s ass isn’t the closure Law needed, and anyone who thinks it is doesn’t know my captain. He spent ten years plotting to kill that man. To burn down his empire and destroy him in every way he could think of just to ensure the man truly suffered. And yeah, the pink bastard’s in jail now and no longer ruling Dressrosa, but this was never about freeing a kingdom or putting the bad guy away. This was about revenge. Revenge Law was willing to die for. Straw Hat may have beaten him, but it wasn’t the victory Law needed. It wasn’t like what he did for Nami. Yet while I know Law’s never going to fully get that same peace Nami has so long as Joker is still alive, but I still think it’s important for him to see that there is life after the pain. That if Nami can get through it, so can he. I feel that because she’s gone through something similar, she can kinda…get through to him in a way we never could.”

There was a pause as Ikkaku looked out at the audience. Some had begun to nod while others were looking at her skeptically. Understandably, really, as she was a rather biased party, but thankfully she had come prepared for this argument. Helped that she’d had it with Law himself once.

“Now, before anyone thinks this is just me projecting what I want for Law onto Nami, I think he’s good for her, too. Don’t get me wrong, I know she loves her crew, but that girl is surrounded by the likes of Straw Hat, Zoro, Franky, and Brook 24/7. She needs someone on her intellectual level she can talk to. Someone who understands the difficulties of running a ship and that she can bounce ideas off of. Law can advise her on the quartermaster duties I know she takes on and how to run things most efficiently. Someone who can appreciate her sexiness without becoming a drooling mess and who doesn’t fall for her seduction tactics too easily. Hell, I think he can turn the tables and seduce her right back!

“On top of that, you know how I said she can help him get closure for his past? Well, I think Law’s good for her in that he can understand the anger and frustration she must have felt while working for that Arlong bastard. He understands her pain in a way not even Straw Hat could. And, let’s be honest, the guy’s not actually dead. If he ever got out, I feel like Law’s kind of the ideal guy to go to for help. He’d understand why she needs revenge and could get her to him no problem. Luffy of course gets first dibs because he’s her captain, but if Nami wants Arlong dead instead of just beaten to a pulp, well, Law can sure as fuck make him suffer before finally crushing his heart in his bare hands.”

The morbidity of the image had a few people cringing, but Ikkaku merely adjusted her glasses and smiled. “Law’s also good for Nami in that he’ll protect her with his life. The man doesn’t let people into his heart easily but when he loves, it’s like a force of nature. It’s powerful. He would bring the world to its knees for her. There’s also pretty much nothing he won’t do to save her if she’s sick or injured. He’ll protect her, heal her, give her the world if she asked it. And doesn’t she deserve that?

“Speaking of giving her stuff, Law is ideal for Nami because he can give her pretty much anything material she might want. Do you have any idea how much treasure is at the bottom of the sea? We Hearts have basically the whole ocean floor at our disposal, with all the sunken treasure, rare materials, and relics of lost cities we can get our hands on. Law’s loaded. And anything he couldn’t buy for Nami, he could steal with his powers. I doubt she’d even have to ask. Just point and it would be in her hands. It would be worth the cost or trouble to keep her happy.”

Glancing at the clock, Ikkaku decided it was about time to wrap this up. If she kept her captive audience, well, captive for too long, people might start asking questions. Like where the person who was originally going to be giving a presentation had disappeared to. Or they might do something extra stupid, like call the Marines to come arrest the Heart Pirates. That would be so awkward and annoying.

“The most important thing, though, is just that Law’s happy around her. He softens in a way that I usually only see with the crew. And I think he makes her happy, too. I know he’ll insist this is just a fling, but I honestly can see this working out for the long term. Mostly because I don’t think either one would try to pin the other down. Neither is going to be leaving their crews for the other, and that’s ok! They don’t actually need to be together all the time for things to work. They can be apart in person but together in spirit. Nami can continue to work towards her dream of making a map of the world while Law continues exploring the ocean with us. Nami’s incredibly loyal and like I said, once you’re in Law’s heart you’re not getting out, so I can’t see their feelings fading or anything just because they don’t see each other for a while. Hell, I think it’ll be good for them since the distance means they’ll appreciate their reunions more and won’t be smothering each other. And I’m sure Law would let her come along with us for a bit anytime she wanted to explore the underwater currents or islands in the Calm Belt she might be interested in adding to her map.”

Hands on her hips, t-shirt still proudly on display, Ikkaku concluded, “Don’t get me wrong, Law’s a stubborn ass who’s going to take a while before he actually accepts those feelings. Man does not like being vulnerable and these are dangerous, scary, unfamiliar waters for him. He sure as hell won’t be telling her ‘I love you’ anytime soon, but I think she’s ok with that. I’m not sure she’s the type to say it too quickly, either. They’re both smart enough to read between the lines and know what’s up without needing to say the words. That tells me they’re definitely in sync and can handle each other’s unique quirks and qualities. It’s why they’re good together, and why I’ll gladly be captain of this ship, even if it sails into Hell itself. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk. As you leave, please take a LAW X NAMI 4 EVER t-shirt. Anyone who tries to leave the room without one will be mauled by Bepo. Or bitten by Shachi. Or maybe Jean Bart will just snap you in half. Depends on which door you leave through. Anyway, goodnight!”

[wild-aspen]

I really think people have hit a point in purity culture where they can't handle anyone doing anything even remotely bad.

They can't handle it in characters, and they sure as hell can't handle it with real people.

And if you say "well, they apologize and I've moved on" you get told you can't? because some people from the marginalized identity hurt by the statement haven't moved on??

I'm not responsible for your feelings, bro. I'm not accepting the apology on YOUR behalf because that's not a thing I can do. But I can read their apology and decide how I feel about it, because I still get to have a say on my own feelings about the situation, whether or not I was the targeted minority.

My stance with any fuck up is "they apologized, I can see from 99% of their other behaviors they aren't a violent racist/sexist/transphobe, so I'm just gonna move on".

Someone said something they didn't realise was sexist or homophobic or transphobic? They apologized? Their general behavior is overtly supportive of those communities and they just didn't know X statement was bad?

Cool! I'm good!!

And maybe someone else from my marginalized identity isn't good, and they're still offended and hurt.

Fine.

But I don't expect cis people to sit in limbo and wait for every trans person to weigh in on the thing the celebrity said like a fucking vote to decided if "we as the community" have accepted the apology. That's ridiculous.

And I don't think anyone else should have to wait around, either.

[chaos-burst]

questions and answers

He had meant to be rude. And it had not worked even a little bit. Eodwulf is sure that anyone else would have been offended. Hell, he’s even sure that the other members of this weird group were absolutely offended on behalf of their friend. But Eodwulf can’t say he has ever met a person like this.

There was no malice, no ill intent, no anger.

When you work with Trent you have to be aware of every little shift in the mood. The slightest twitch of an eyebrow can mean the weather is about to turn foul. Eodwulf knows what to look out for. It had been his intent to rev this weirdo up and it had backfired spectacularly.

Damn.

No meat. No booze. And balls of steel, apparently. Eodwulf had never seen anyone talk to Trent like that. And while Bren‘s—Caleb‘s—words of wanting to kill Trent outright had been more than Eodwulf would ever admit to his mentor, it somehow felt less crazily reckless than to call Trent Ikithon, Archmage of Civil Influence for the Cerberus Assembly and one of the most powerful mages in the Empire, a fucking fool.

To his face. With a smile. In a complete sincere manner.

Eodwulf doesn’t want to replay the words in his head over and over again but his dumb brain has latched onto them and he can’t stop. Only this time it’s not one of Trent’s lessons that forces him to obsessively repeat something until you have internalized it to the point where you can cite it in your sleep.

No.

“Pain doesn’t make people. It’s love that makes people.“

Eodwulf has it on repeat in his head the whole way back to the tower and it is still going when he lies down hours later to sleep.

“What are you“ had not been meant as a serious question when Eodwulf had asked it. But by the time he finally falls asleep he feels like it has become a very vital question indeed, because who or what would dare to speak to Master Trent Ikithon in a way like this with an honest smile on their face.

*

Because for some reason his thoughts have decided to betray him, Eodwulf’s brain makes his tongue and lips form the words again when they see the Mighty Nein the next time. This time, Astrid and Eodwulf have been invited to dinner—Trent has very specifically not been invited, you could say he was uninvited with quite a few flowery words in a strange accent.

And as soon as Eodwulf sees Caduceus he remembers the weirdly polite scratching of a chair, the wide smile that indicates that this is a person Eodwulf possibly can not force to lose their composure through careful placed rudeness. And his mouth betrays him.

“So. What are you, really?“

Caduceus blinks mildly surprised before his unfamiliar features shift into a warm smile that has Eodwulf feel quite a lot of inappropriate things he didn’t expect to find in a place like this.

“Gardener. Maker of fine tea. A decent cook. Keeper of graves“, Caduceus lists of and he uses his long fingers to count the things that are important to him about himself.

“Very powerful cleric“, Jester chimes in from the right. She has Astrid next to her in a chair and Eodwulf is pretty sure that Jester has started to put flowers in Astrid’s hair. But surely he must be mistaken. Who in the Nine Hells are these crazy people?

“Oh, yeah. Well, that too, I suppose“, Caduceus says, his smile still warm like honeyed wine.

“Huh“, Eodwulf says because he can’t for the life of him think of something else to say. But Caduceus is yet again pulling out a chair for him so Eodwulf straightens his shoulders and sits down next to Caduceus. Across the table from him the angry one throws herself into a chair and stares at him.

There’s no fear there either, but she can be easily angered, something Eodwulf is good at. He gives her a canine smile and she holds up her middle finger.

This group is full of people with an enormous lack of self preservation.

And they are so loud.

Eodwulf almost doesn’t hear it when Caduceus turns to him to ask him a question.

“Huh?“, he says again, like a fool.

“And what are you, was what I wanted to know“, Caduceus says, his lazy grin open and honest. There is no malice in his words. He actually wants to know.

Eodwulf thinks “Murderer, wizard, protégé, spy“ but he doesn’t say any of these things. “Maker of graves“ comes to mind, but it seems like too dark of a joke to make.

“Enthusiastic about both meat and booze“, he says in the end and Caduceus laughs.

“Yeah, as are most of my friends.“

The implication these words bring is probably only in Eodwulf’s mind but it makes him swallow and look away to find Astrid’s eyes. But Astrid now has pink flowers in her hair and a look of absolute confusion on her face as Jester rattles of compliment after compliment about various of Astrid’s features.

Eodwulf can’t help but look at Bre—Caleb. And he sees that there is a soft, barely noticeable smile on his old friend’s face as he watches the scene unfold.

What am I, indeed, he thinks.

*

Trent’s orders have been clear. Get close to the group called the Mighty Nein to find out what they are working on with Lady Vess DeRogna.

Eodwulf allows himself to think that Caduceus might have been right. Maybe Master Ikithon is indeed a fool.

Because being in the presence of these people is like nothing Eodwulf has ever experienced and it makes him think, wonder, question—

“Here we are again“, Caduceus says after, yet again, Astrid and Eodwulf have been invited for dinner. Eodwulf wonders if this group just wants to make it very easy to spy on them, or if they have an agenda of their own—but it’s hard to believe that there might be any coherent agenda behind anything these people do.

He has watched the buff one called Yasha try and play what looked like a harp made of bone and when the angry one, Beau, told her that she looked hot playing the harp Yasha had torn two of the strings which had led to a whole scene of apologies and various tries to fix the harp.

Jester has drawn dicks on pretty much every surface this magical mansion has and she delights in the fact that Caleb brings the dicks to life in various colors. At some point he made glowing sparkles shoot out of one of the dicks Jester had drawn and Jester had laughed as if this was the best joke she had ever witnessed.

Eodwulf notices Astrid’s eyes on Jester.

Eodwulf also notices that while there seems to be no agenda or efficiency behind anything, they are still being watched.

Beau and Fjord look at them. And Eodwulf is pretty sure Caduceus watches everything as well, but he does it without crossing his arms and glaring so much.

“Looks like it”, he answers. Caduceus offers him tea and Eodwulf’s first instinct is to decline, but then he remembers that “maker of fine tea” had been very high on the list of descriptors so he takes the cup he is offered while somewhere in the background people start screaming something that sounds like “FLUFFERNUTTER”.

Eodwulf tries the tea. He’s not a fan of tea, but this tea is absolutely delicious and he finds himself impressed.

“I believe this one comes from the Hollburns’ graves. Those remains made the tea grow quite fast, it was impressive.”

Eodwulf blinks at his tea and then at Caduceus. For a second his brain wonders if this statement should register as a threat, but it had been delivered with such honest delight and a sense of pride that Eodwulf discards that feeling.

“What?”, he asks. Caduceus points at the tea.

“Oh, well, my family grows tea on those graves we’re keeping. In case you wanted to ask me again what I am. Or—hm, I think I already mentioned that I am a keeper of graves?”

Caduceus trails off and looks thoughtful and Eodwulf stares at him.

“Keeper of Graves. That make you a follower of the Matron?”, he asks.

Caduceus looks at him and smiles.

“Not quite. My family serves Melora. But we are descended from a champion of the Raven Queen.”

Eodwulf can’t help but wonder if this was some kind of weird joke. But his goddess usually isn’t one for joking.

Eodwulf considers for a second, then he pulls out the raven feather pendant from under his cloak.

Caduceus nods. “So”, he says and smiles widely. “What are you?”

Eodwulf snorts.

“For real?”, he says.

Caduceus’ smile widens.

“For real.”

*

It feels like this has become a sort of game.

“What are you?”

“Moral compass. Middle sibling. Eccentric. Amateur flute player.”

Eodwulf finds that through this question he himself posed the first time, he’s been forced to think more about himself than he feels comfortable with.

“What are you?”

“Decent chess player. Dog person. Sportsman. Only child.”, are the things he says out loud.

“Self-made orphan. Patriot. Volstrucker. Torturer.”, are the things he thinks to himself.

Eodwulf has the impression that Caduceus is somehow aware of the things he doesn’t say.

*

“So. This is the crew you’re running with now?”, Eodwulf asks Bre—Caleb one night before the Mighty Nein will leave with Vess DeRogna to who-knows-where. Neither Astrid nor Eodwulf did get very far with their planned infiltration work. Eodwulf is not even sure how hard they even tried.

It’s very easy to get swept away by the chaos and the weirdness and the complete lack of fear that the group displays when it comes to him and Astrid. They are dangerous people in a lot of ways.

The Mighty Nein are also dangerous people in a very different way. A way that Eodwulf doesn’t know anything about.

“This is my family, ja.”

He says it, just like that, without looking at Eodwulf.

Family.

The word tastes bitter in Eodwulf’s mouth as he leans back in his chair and crosses his arms.

“Weird people”, he says. Caleb huffs.

“You can say that, yes. But they grow on you very quickly”, he answers quietly and with a small, fond smile that makes something inside Eodwulf ache. For a long time Eodwulf pitied Bren for breaking, for not making it, for failing, for being locked away and discarded. Now he realizes that maybe, in a very macabre sort of way, Bren becoming Caleb through failure was the better end of the bargain.

It feels blasphemous to think that.

“The pink one is especially weird”, Eodwulf finds himself saying and he takes a big swig of whiskey from his flask before handing it to Caleb.

“Ja, I noticed that you seem to have a... uh... particular kind of interest in him. And, if I may add, he in you.”

Eodwulf takes the flask back after Caleb drinks. He contemplates the different sorts of feelings inside his gut as the words sink in. Then he tucks it all away very carefully, just as he learned through many years of being in Trent’s presence.

“Still don’t know what he is”, Eodwulf says. Caleb snorts and shakes his head.

“His people are called Firbolg”, he provides.

“Not sure that’s what I mean. Not anymore, at least.”

It seems dangerous to admit that. Caleb turns his head and looks at Eodwulf with a shimmer in his eyes that Eodwulf can’t read. Many years ago he was able to read Bren like an open book, but Caleb is another book entirely.

“You deserve to have some nice things, you know. You deserve friends. A chance of—hm. A chance of peace. A chance for redemption, if you want it.”

Eodwulf gets up and tugs away his flask.

“Pain doesn’t make people. It’s love that makes people. Pain is inconsequential, it’s love that saves them.”

Eodwulf understands the truth in these words now. Bren was broken, Caleb is being healed. Eodwulf doesn’t think that there’s anything left in him that can be saved. Or should be saved.

“Good luck on your journey tomorrow. Don’t die”, Eodwulf says and he leaves Caleb behind.

What are you, he thinks. A sentimental fool.

*

Astrid sits next to him on one of the balconies of her house and looks up at the stars above them. The Mighty Nein have been gone for six days and it has been very quiet.

They sit in silence and share a bottle of whiskey, passing it back and forth instead of words. It’s been like this for many many years that they’ve allowed themselves to just be. Today though, Astrid breaks the silence.

“I’m going to be the one who kills him.”

She says it quietly, without remorse, without indicating that this is a scandalous statement. She says it just how other people would say “I’ll go to bed soon.”.

Eodwulf stops breathing for just a moment. Then he inhales the cool night air and turns his head to look at her.

“Could kill you for treason”, he says. She looks at him and cocks her head slightly, the analyzing gaze of a murderous spy meets its equal in silence.

“I’d love to see you try”, she says. Eodwulf grins. It feels reckless.

“Don’t die”, he says, the same thing he’s said to Caleb before. Astrid regards him for a long moment and Eodwulf takes another sip. “Will you help me or try to stop me?”

Eodwulf considers this for a moment. Would he try to stop Astrid should she try to kill Trent? No. Would he help her? He doesn’t know that either.

“Can’t you just wait for Bren to do it for you?”

“I won’t lose to him again.”

Eodwulf snorts.

Always so competitive.

“That’s some fucked up shit, Astrid.”

“Shut up, Arschloch.”

Eodwulf grins before getting up to stretch. He puts his hands on the railing of Astrid’s balcony and wonders what Caleb’s new family is up to.

Making a new family never came to mind before. It sounds like something out of a fairy tale. While he contemplates the question whether he would help Astrid kill Trent Ikithon, a slow, familiar voice pops up in his head.

“Hey. Uh—Jester told me to send you an update. We’re still alive. Hope you’re good. Got  a new question for you. What will you become?”

The rustling of Astrid’s clothes as she stands up as well somehow tells him that she received a message in her head as well. She steps beside him and puts her hands on the railing next to his.

“They’re persistent”, she says quietly.

Eodwulf nods and inhales.

He doesn’t know what he will become. He didn’t even know that was a question to be asked. The path is clear. It always was.

Pain doesn’t make people.

“Not going to answer?”, she wants to know.

“Don’t have an answer yet.”

It’s unclear to him whether she means her own question or the message Caduceus just sent him.

He answers the sending spell with a simple “I don’t know.”. It takes a few minutes before another message comes in.

“That’s good. Uncertainty is good. It’s the first step in a better direction. I’m going to kill a dragon now. Wish me luck. Good night.”

“I’ll keep you posted on the answer to that question of yours. I’ll see you tomorrow”, he says and leaves Astrid behind on the balcony. Eodwulf thinks about something he hasn’t thought about in a very long time. A priestess in his Matron’s temple once told him: “Death is the only certainty in life.”.

He thinks that Caduceus would agree.

And Eodwulf hopes that the next time he sees that weird, reckless man, he’ll have an answer for him.

[levworship]

OKAY, I cant get this out of my head. It's usually tsukishima that always has the upper hand against yamaguchi right???? BUT, it comes to Yamas attention that tsukishima is a virgin and yamaguchi takes so much pity on poor tsuki that he offers to help him out. So yama came to you, his cute little girlfriend with this amazing opportunity to help out his best friend. And ofc you say yes..why would his cute little baby say no?

I love you, drink water and eat something you haven't already😤🥰‼️

finally writing again. shocker, i know. also thank you nonster ilysm <3

cw: dom!yams (kinda), mentions of yama x tsukki, reader is cute idk i like her, virgin!tsukki, tsukki being mean in his head, yamaguchi also just a tad bit mean, idk what else?, just a handjob (for now), prob errors

word count: 1054

summary: yamaguchi being the sweetheart he is and sharing his precious girlfriend with his best friend <3

the sight of the two of you always made tsukki feel sick to his stomach. watching his best friend be all lovey dovey with someone who’s so disgustingly sweet as well? it was no wonder he avoided you two at all costs.

he avoided making eye contact with you two even throughout high school. at games, in the hallways, during lunch. but he especially avoided it right now. he was afraid to peer up through the foggy lens of his glasses, because he knew the moment that he did-

he’d be forced to meet you guys’ gazes. those precious smiles still beaming down at him even with the undeniable hunger behind both of your eyes.

tsukishima scowled, turning his head as if he’d found something more interesting to stare at on the ground. when tadashi initially made the offer to him, he simply shrugged it off as bluff. especially since he figured there was no way you’d agree. but...

“come on, tsukki.” the blond flinched when your fingers just barely skimmed the skin of his arm almost as if you were afraid to break him. the harmless action still somehow managed to offend him. were you mocking him? did the two of you think you were better because you just so happened to have sex before he did? he could have sex if you wanted. he didn’t need your help. he didn’t need either of you.

yet, even as those thoughts echoed in his head, he simply couldn’t deny the fact that for whatever reasoning, he still showed up at your doorstep and faced you two with shuffling feet and fading pride.

he tsked once - twice- before he finally grew some balls and turned to look the two of you in the eye. and god did he regret it, because he was immediately greeted by the sight of the two of you pawing at him to rid him of his baggy clothes. the pairs of hands gripping and grabbing at each inch of visible skin had tsukishima’s face flushed an embarrassing shade of pink, adam’s apple bobbing in his throat until finally you two had stopped acting like fumbling teens and stripped him down to his boxers, erection pressing humiliatingly hard against the dampened fabric. it was amusing to him, how even as the two of you managed to lead him into the intimacy of your bedroom, he still held a higher sense of maturity and composure over you both.

at least, that’s how he viewed it in his mind. even a passing glance at him would reveal just how nervous he was. quite literally shaking where he lay.

“remember to be gentle, okay?” tsukishima scoffed at this. “relax tadashi. i am not going to hur-“ “i wasn’t talking about you.” yamaguchi cut him off with a piercing look that sent shivers throughout tsukki’s entire body like never before. since when did the freckled man have the ability to hinder him speechless so quickly? before he could even bother to crack out a weak comeback,

“oh shit—“ he hissed through his teeth when your small hand wrapped itself around his sensitive cock, successfully distracting him. his chest rose and fell heavily as his pretty eyelashes fluttered shut. “wow. you were right tadashi. i barely touched him and he’s already about to blow his load” you shook your head in genuine astonishment.

“has anyone else ever touched you here, tsukishima?”

even despite your sweet tone,, he wanted to bark at you. grab you by your hair and tug with all of his strength. shove you into the mattress and grunt in your ear that he wasn’t going to sit there and take shit from a slutty fucking brat like you. but how could he? how could he possibly let any words out before they melted away from him just as quickly as they’d formed in his mind? how could he think, when your thumb pressed itself against his tip, now red and swollen with reluctant want, and messily spread his precum across his cock. it was sloppy. it was dirty. your slender fingers tugged at his cock with a wet shlick that made his entire body tense with disgust and guilt from just how much he was enjoying your hand on him. he had to bite down on his lip to avoid making any noise. a weak attempt on his behalf to cling on to any pride he had left.

“-he’s long, too.”

the sound of your voice was enough to drag him out of his mind again. how long had you been talking? or were you too busy watching in shocked silence as he quits literally fell apart in your small grasp? were you and tadashi simply talking around him the entire time? he figured so, judging by the way both of you seemed to be almost observing his limp figure.

“mhm. but not as thick as me, is he baby?” tsukki’s stomach twisted when he watched the two of you engage in a sloppy kiss right in front of his eyes. he hated it, the not-so-PDA. or at least, he figured he did. but that wouldn’t explain why watching you two was already bringing him closer to his release than he’d like to admit.

yamaguchi seemed to read his mind somehow, humming when the two of you finally separated. a swift hand moved to grab your wrists. “‘gonna make him cum too soon, sweetheart. hurry up and get on top before he passes out” he chuckled before grabbing a handful of your ass, still clad in the pants you’d been wearing since tsukki showed up at your door.

fuck you. i don’t need you to get on top. you’ll regret talking about me like that when i have you and your fucking boyfriend bent over in front of me.

the violent words once again died in his throat before he had a chance to utter them. he watched you like a fucking horny mutt as you removed your clothes. his eyes remained glued onto your figure through his blurred vision (his glasses had been discarded a while ago), while yamaguchi’s eyes remained glued onto him. his expression was a mix of prideful and just a hint of possession if you stared for long enough. but it was hard to be selfish when you have your hot as fuck girlfriend and undeniably attractive best friend nearly blowing their lids trying to fuck each other.

who would wanna miss that sight?

i may do a part two where they actually screw if anyone is interested.

thirsts and requests for haikyuu and bnha are open.

[unhealthyfanobsession]

jealous cassian but this time instead of competing with high lords and sons of high lords what if it's a general from another court... this general could also be a lover of romance books and sweets ;)

I had a lot of fun with this one and I may have fallen a little bit in love with my own OC 🤷‍♀️

Nesta Archeron was not a force of nature. People loved to describe strong women as forces of nature, but that wasn’t her. That was Feyre. Feyre was brash and wild and unpredictable as a tsunami or an avalanche.

Nesta Archeron was a collection of cosmic power held tight and controlled beneath iron thick magic-infused skin.

Which made her an amazing general. All of that power and her amazing control. That was what was required to lead a legion.

Contrary to popular belief, Cassian was not a wild thing. He was not a good general because he was wild and elemental. He was a good general because he was in control. Because he woke up every morning and he didn’t flash his siphons around and try to beat anyone into submission. He trained. He fought. He lead by example. He flew at the head of his legions. He showed them the he was the best.

Mates were equals. It should have surprised no one that Nesta wanted to raise an army.

And she did. Oh she did. Nesta Archeron went to every court in Prythian and she picked up women who wanted to fight. She went down into the Court of Nightmares and took any women who wanted to fight with her. Freed them. Liberated them. Nesta planned on a small unit of females. By the time she was done she commanded thousands. It was the second largest military force in Prythian. Right after the Illyrians. Which was a nightly topic of debate. When she would surpass him. Cassian would be pissed if it happened sooner than a century.

Nesta was determined to make it happen by the end of the decade. Which was why she had set up this meeting with the new general of Spring.

“General,” the tall, pale man inclined his head, light brown hair falling over his brow as he did. “General,” he said it again, inclining his head in Cassian’s direction now. Lips tipping up in an amused smile and pale blue eyes sparkling with amusement. “To what do I owe the pleasure of having you both here?”

Nesta adjusted the knife strap around her thigh and moved into the room ahead of both males. “Cassian has decided to high-jack my meeting because he is intimidated by my success. His official reason, however, is that you are new and he comes to speak on behalf of the Night Court. To ensure that your goals are aligned.”

“Hmm, and you?” The general pulled out a chair at the head of the table and gestured for Nesta to take it. His breath tickled her neck as he leaned in to push the chair in after she sat. “What are your interests, Nesta Archeron.”

“Romance novels and chocolate cake, mostly.” Cassian laughed.

“Good taste,” the general smiled. “Hadley Minn?” a well-know romance novelist from Dawn. Sweet stories of proper young ladies falling in love and having missionary sex.

Nesta smiled just a little. “Sellyn Drake.”

He whistled low under his breath. “I like your style, Archeron.”

Cassian’s eyebrows drew together as he watched this male look over Nesta with a new type of appreciation.

“My name is Malakai.” The general reached his hand out first to Nesta, holding on a little too long and then to Cassian. Who squeezed his hand harder than necessary. The general just smiled broadly. “Call me Kai.”

“Well Kai,” Cassian leaned back in his chair, wings spreading out behind him. “What can you tell me about the Spring Court’s forces now that your court has got its army together enough to have a general?”

Kai just kept smiling. Kind and open. “And what would you tell me about your forces, if asked?”

“Absolutely nothing,” Cassian admitted.

“So no disrespect general, but…”

“I told him this was pointless,” Nesta rolled her eyes. “I, on the other hand, have something of actual use to discuss with you.”

“Happy to be of service,” the Spring general winked.

Cassian tensed up in his chair. arms crossing over each other and face going stone hard.

“Excellent. Now, I know your High Lord is a chauvinist, but I’d like to start by asking if you are too, because that will determine how I approach this conversation.”

The air tensed for a second. Cassian prepared to jump in between his mate and this male. Insulting someone’s High Lord… he’d be surprised if the male managed to just kick her out and not attack like a feral animal.

“Is she always this direct?” Kai’s smile never faltered. Not for a second.

“Talking to him instead of me answers that question,” Nesta muttered. “So, here’s what you’re going to-”

“I did not mean to offend you, General. I assure you it is my sincerest belief that females are just as militarily capable as males.”

Nesta narrowed her eyes. “So you plan to train females along with males in your new army?”

“Of course I do,” Kai shrugged. “Who would be stupid enough to give up half their military power because of their sex?”

“Spring is a small court,” Cassian said. “You only have one army. It gets more complicated when there are several. In the larger territories.”

“I see.”

“What he means to say is that significant parts of the Autumn, Night, Day, and Winter courts do not train their females to fight. Their main armies might, but different territories in the courts run that way. And actually Night and Autumn even their main armies don’t train females.” Nesta glared at her mate.

“They do now.” Cassian sighed, not needing to be reminded how long it took to reach this point.

“Ah,” Kai nodded, “you’re here to see if I planned to train the females and to take them with you in your liberation march if I said no.”

“I run an army that trains those other courts reject.”

“So I have heard, an extraordinary feat from an extraordinary woman.” His teeth glittered as he smiled, eyes entirely focused on Nesta. “I know you have your reasons for distrusting my High Lord, but he is trying. Trying to return this court to what it once was. I’m a part of that. Our army will train anyone who wants to fight. And it will protect the human/Fae border.”

Nesta blinked. That was…

“I fought in the war,” Kai nodded to Cassian. “I always admired how you fought at the front of your legions, General. You are the legend everyone claims you to be, but I have to admit…” He turned to face Nesta. “I accepted this meeting so that I could meet you.”

Cassian growled low in his throat. “How does this keep happening?” He muttered under his breath, low enough for Nesta to hear but not Kai. Cassian loved Nesta with his entire being. Heart, body, and soul. The problem was that, apparently, so did every other male in Prythian.

Nesta smirked, subtly reaching her foot out under the table to kick him in the shin for being a possessive brute.

“I met with Eris Vanserra last week. He commands Autumn’s armies.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Cassian said that one loud enough for Nesta and Kai to hear.

“I mentioned I was meeting with you. I knew about your army, of course. But I asked him what to expect meeting you. And instead of answering he told me what you said in the High Lord’s meeting. About humans. I’m pretty sure his point was that I should prepare myself if I was trying to go up against a female who paused seven High Lords in their tracks, but… it is rare to meet a Fae who cares about humans. Truly cares.”

“Well I was one.” Nesta stared forward, unsure where this conversation was going.

“I know. Cauldron born. Phenomenal cosmic powers. Ability to bring us all to our knees if you wanted to. But instead you choose to defend humans and make an army of Fae the courts have cast off.”

“Nes knows how amazing she is,” Cassian cut in. Two fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. “Could you get to the point please?”

“I want to work with you.” Kai said, point blank, staring at Nesta.

“I bet you do,” Cassian muttered.

“I have my own army, general. I’m not interested in working for anyone else.”

“Not for. With. I want… my forces are beaten down. Their morale is weak. Faith is low. I… you brought the High Lords to heel and you started an army from nothing. I’d like your advice.”

Nesta swallowed. She’d accomplished amazing things. So many amazing things, but still… no one had ever asked her for advice. Help. Expertise. She was the novice. She… he wanted her help.

“My army is from all over Prythian,” Nesta said. “We train in the Night Court because the territory is massive and that’s my home, but… Spring doesn’t have the manpower to protect that border. Convince Tamlin to let me bring in some of my warriors to protect the human border and I’ll help you with whatever you want.”

“Deal,” Kai smiled, reaching out his hand.

Nesta shook it.

Later, after they took off and she was wrapped up in Cassian’s arms as they flew back to Velaris, her mate was stone faced once again.

“I swear to the mother, Nes, if he proposes to you I’m going to make what Feyre did to the Spring Court look like a Sunday walk along the fucking Sidra.”

[lokeanwelcomingcommittee]

Hello!

Do you have any tips for a beginner who wants to honour Loki, but has anxieties and insecurities that get in the way? (I have anxiety and depression if that helps).

So, I want to honour Loki, but I am terribly worried that They do not like me. Any time I do something for them or I look in to Them, I feel guilty and like I should just stop and leave Them alone. I have tried reaching out to Them before and had an interesting experience; I felt like someone was “playfully” creeping up behind me to scare me. That feeling held for a minute and then disappeared completely. I have not felt a presence since, even though I have reached out again since then, so I have stopped out of worry. I do feel that my guilt and worry comes from the fact I have not always been a very kind or good person to others; I have made awful choices and mistakes that have hurt people I loved amongst others. The most recent thing was last year and that broke me, so now I am trying to do better and break bad patterns and learned behaviours (which is freaking hard, but I am hoping therapy will aid me in this).

Any help or advice is greatly appreciated..! I’m sorry that this is a lot, please do not stress if you are unable to answer for any reason. Thank you, - Pickle, They/Them/Theirs🐛

Hey there, Pickle. No need to apologize at all on your end and sorry it did take a bit to get to this on ours. Here's a mushroom for your caterpillar as well; I always think those go well together. 🍄

One thing I'm gonna start with just in the hopes of maybe taking an option off of the anxiety buffet is that you haven't actually gotten any negative feedback. I know it might feel disheartening or like a negative response after the first experience you describe, but as we've mentioned in a recent post, that is... actually pretty common, and even if it wasn't it's certainly not a requirement, so while I realize it's probably not a magic bullet on the anti-anxiety front, in my experience no news is good or at least business-as-usual news, and to kind of segue to the next point, it sounds like it might be understandable.

I say that because anxiety and depression do have the unfortunate effect where it's often hard to communicate with deities (however you may do it) or even just be in the right frame of mind for worship, offerings, etc. I don't want to necessarily assume anything about you specifically just because I know this sort of thing presents differently in different folks, but as someone else with both of those I know it's caused me to get stuck in vicious cycles of feeling unworthy/not "good" enough or like everything is criticism or a terrible omen similar to those posts, and of course those thoughts add to the worry, cycle repeats, etc. It's again not a magic bullet, but sometimes reminding myself that these feelings aren't limited to the gods or my practice is strangely reassuring-- it kind of helps me realize I probably haven't personally offended anyone, everything is just harder to relate to during those times.

Sometimes, as pointed out in that last linked post, the thing that helps the most is just stepping back until you're in a better place, so if that's something you decide may be beneficial it's nothing to feel guilty about, and while of course we can't speak on a god's behalf I think a lot of us had kind of on-off starts with this sort of thing for a number of reasons, myself included, and returning later was not an issue. With that said, I do want to stress that Loki does not discriminate based on mental illness or life circumstances, and re: what you've mentioned about guilt-- I mean, the mother of monsters, and indeed this entire rogue's gallery that are the Norse gods, have made mistakes. And it sounds like not only are you working on that, you're going in with a fairly grounded and realistic attitude and getting assistance with it, which I hope is helping and continues to be helpful, and hopefully that guilt and worry subsiding will be a positive result of this. With that said, to go back to where we began, if you'd still like to do things to honor Loki, you absolutely can, and I'm going to link a number of links and resources for you at the end of this post that cover anything from suggestions for ways to do that with some low-spoons days options, different ways of communicating that you might not have thought of/considered that may work better for you, and some other possibly helpful advice. Definitely don't feel obligated to do all of it or feel like there's any rush to even read all of it; it's all just there for possibly helpful reference if you need it.

With that said, the main advice I can give is please take care of yourself, and while I know it's easier said than done, keep in mind that you've got a lot going on right now, and while that doesn't "disqualify" or make you unworthy or objectionable or anything similar, it is definitely a situation that can make communicating and/or trying to start a new relationship/make a big life change difficult, and taking the time to get that situation more manageable is more than understandable and not something you should feel guilty about. "Challenging" is one thing, but if you're continually getting hurt it's worth considering, especially because you can always change that in the future.

It feels like nothing I do is enough or that I'm doing everything wrong. What might be happening?

Can Loki feel what I'm feeling/does he like me?

In the absence of any obvious signs to the contrary, assume you’re good

If you've upset Loki or asked him something he doesn't like, would he let you know?

re: doubt and anxiety

Another anxiety post

Loki and depression (with a link to another good post)

Polytheism While Dealing With Mental Illness

Loki and mistakes

On taking a break

Scheduling suggestions

Suggestions for connecting with Loki

A similar suggestion post

Self care devotional suggestions

In any case, I hope some of this is helpful to you and that things improve for you. I know things probably aren't fantastic right now, it does sound like you've made some wise choices in terms of changing that, and I wish you the best of luck-- for what it's worth, you're definitely not alone on the anxiety/depression front.

- Mod V