#and idk what other tags to use so interested people would actually find it

[littledesertfox]

The Bayerlein Family

The Bayerlein children, from left to right: Richard (*1897), Ellen (*1901) and Fritz (*1899). Photo undated, based on the kids' ages probably sometime around 1905.

A little bit more on Fritz Bayerlein's background: His father, Donat Bayerlein (born March 28th, 1861) was originally from Bütthard, a small village in Franconia (a cultural region in South Germany that nowadays is largely part of Bavaria). A lot of Bayerleins lived around that area, but in 1890, Donat moved to the near town of Würzburg for the sake of better employment, and became a civil servant for the local town government.

Fritz' mother Louise Denkmann (born October 13th, 1869) on the other hand was originally from Magdeburg, a city located further north in what is nowadays the state of Saxony-Anhalt. She was born as an illegitimate child to the daughter of a miller, her father was never identified. In 1890, she as well left her home and happened to come to Würzburg. She started out working as a housekeeper for richer families, and managed to put enough money to the side to eventually attend further education and fulfil her dream of becoming a music teacher.

Louise and Donat eventually met in Würzburg, they married in 1896 and proceeded to move into a small apartment together. A year later, their first son Richard was born on September 20th, 1897. Their second son Fritz followed on January 14th, 1899, and their only daughter Ellen was born on April 22nd, 1901. Later on, Donat also took over the care of his deceased stepbrother's two children, and they moved into the Bayerlein household as well.

An interesting side fact: Donat was baptised Catholic as a child while Louise was Protestant, however this never seemed to be a problem for them, neither for getting married nor for their personal life. Later in his life their son Fritz, whenever he was asked to report his religious affiliation on any official documents, would sometimes list his mother's, other times his father's faith as his own, always depending on which he assumed to be favoured by the authorities in question. There isn't really anything known about his personal religious beliefs, but as it seems he either felt equally connected with both (since a person who was very strongly adherent to a particular religion probably likely wouldn't claim a different faith as their own), or he simply didn't care that much for religion in general that it would even make a difference to him.

Up until their 10th birthday, the Bayerlein kids were home-schooled. Despite not being from a wealthy background, the parents were relatively well-educated and managed to pass this on to their children - Fritz and his brother both were accepted at the local Gymnasium (an eight or nine year school for secondary education), something that only about five to ten percent of the applicants were able to achieve. The successful completion of this school was required for being allowed to attend to university, and was also needed if one wanted to apply as an officer candidate in the Imperial German Army. When he was young, Fritz dreamed of becoming a teacher for history, geography and mathematics, a career that wouldn't actually require such a high education (only teachers who worked at a Gymnasium needed to have a university degree, but not those at primary or trade schools). Regardless, his parents wanted to provide their children the best education they could afford, and Fritz proved himself to be a talented and hardworking student, even earning himself a stipend in 1915 for his exemplary grades. However, the outbreak of World War I, also known as the Great War, would chance the course of life for both Bayerlein sons forever - and in Richard's case, not with a good ending.

The tragic fate of Richard Bayerlein

Being the older brother, Richard would be the first to be conscripted. Learning about how many men had already died at the front, he decided that he wanted to become a Fahnenjunker (officer candidate) in hopes that in this kind of position he'd have a higher chance of survival than as a simple enlisted soldier. However, being accepted for an officer's career required money and influence, and the Bayerleins didn't have much of either; they weren't a traditional military family. In 1914, Donat Bayerlein made a request that his son would be accepted into the 1st Replacement Battalion of the King's Bavarian 11th Infantry Regiment, however he was declined. Throughout the following months, he continued his efforts, however futile. In February 1916, Richard was drafted. He fought throughout 1916 and 1917, and by the end of that year, he finally achieved his dream of becoming an officer as he was appointed the rank of Leutnant in November. By that time, it had become a lot easier for young men to become officers as the military was in desperate need for them (the Leutnant was the officer rank with the highest death rates), and a few months earlier, Fritz had received assignment as an officer candidate as well, which much less struggle than his brother once had.

Fritz' older brother Richard Bayerlein as a young officer, photo undated.

On May 4th 1918, Richard, who was currently stationed in Flanders, was reported missing. His father inquired by letter to learn more about his son's fate. It was told to him that Richard had been in a bad mental state, devastated about a recent loss and capture of some of the men under his command. The young officer struggled to handle the responsibilities laid upon him. Two other officers from his unit noted that he had acted strange and upset, and later that evening it was discovered that he had disappeared, however leaving behind his belongings and weapons in his shelter. Richard was never seen again after this day, and his body was never found. There were reports of French soldiers being nearby, and some assumed his death was an accident, however some of his comrades also believed that he purposefully walked into the enemy lines unarmed as his way of suicide.

Although he had never planned it, Fritz would go on to achieve Richard's dream of becoming a successful officer in his stead. He and his sister Ellen were now the remaining two Bayerlein siblings. They always had a good relationship with each other, and would continue to remain close and supportive of each other throughout their whole lives until Fritz' eventual death in 1970. Ellen would outlive her brother for 17 more years, until she passed away as well in 1987.

Aside from Richard, the Bayerleins all seem to be buried in their family grave in Würzburg (photo taken from Fritz' German Wikipedia page). It also lists the name of Ellen's son, who was also called Fritz (possibly as a nickname, as he's also referred to as Friedrich in Bayerlein's biography). He was probably named after his uncle and only passed away relatively recently in 2019. If he was still alive, he'd be able to celebrate his 100th birthday this month.

Source: Spayd, P. A. (2003). Bayerlein: From Afrikakorps to Panzer Lehr : the Life of Rommel’s Chief-of-staff Generalleutnant Fritz Bayerlein. Schiffer Pub Limited. (Chapter 1)

[zeropro]

So I’ve seen you draw and tag a couple of different ships, just wondering which are your favorite???

Love your art btw :D

Thank you!

I don’t have a specific ship i'm particularly loyal to, so I guess I’ll rate them and also provide my own headcanons:

(disclaimer i dont know ship names so imma just try my best)

Trine-shipping: yes, put the three of them together, I don’t care. familial, sexual, romantic, platonic, its all good. I go crazy seeing them stand next to each other in the cartoon what do you want from me.

thunderwarp: I see this one a lot and I quite like it. these two being mates with starscream doing his own thing kinda makes sense considering starscream has a bunch of other ships. also makes it fun when something happens to one of them and starscream is left in the awkward position of having to deal with that.

thunderstar: been thinking about this one more lately. they’re like foils to each other. thundercracker’s a good boy to starscream’s bad boy, and he does such a concern about all the morally dubious stuff starscream gets up to. but at the same time, he admires starscream’s ambition and rizz and starscream the kinda bot that would pull you so high if you followed him. I think out of anyone, starscream is the closest to actually trusting thundercracker. 

starwarp: i had this thought one time of what if skywarp is like the horniest asexual and starscream is the most traumatized aromantic, and how would that even work XD nothing solid in the works just an idea that I had. ive seen these two less often outside of trine shipping but it can be pretty hot. I like when they are being protective of each other. I always see skywarp as more emotionally open than his trinemates and starscream can use some of that open and honest emotional love and care. someone to forcfully make him accept being loved. someone who will actually push back when he’s being stupid. and with skywarp being loyal to megatron, so much angst potential for both of them.

starbee: im a sucker for the whole ghost bee starscream dynamic. I already made a post about these two, and after all this time I still really enjoy this ship. I think characters that don’t actually like each other at first but grow into a mutual respect is so tasty. I think some people don’t like the ship because they headcanon bee as too young? well, starscream is actually younger in my fic lmao, but also they’re like 6 million years old and are born with full adult processing capabilities, I don’t think age matters here :P its less about intimacy for me anyway. I like them together because of how much it takes to get there. 

starwavewave: okay this one is 100% fueled by tfone but guyssss guysss theyre married and megatron is their son and im just aaaagh dont seperate them! such a kookie dynamic, the cool headed soundwave, the emotionally volatile shockwave, the arrogant yet cowardly starscream, all being fail dads to their little scamp leader. hahaha. high command polycule 

megastar: gasp, rated above skystar. yes, I just find this dynamic more interesting. I like an abusive ship sometimes for the angst but I also enjoy seeing megatron when he isnt abusive? kinda catharsis maybe. I read a fic once where the war is over and starscream invites megatron to one of optimus’ high profile parties and is appalled at megatron showing up in robot equivalent of underdressed, meanwhile megatron the working class miner is like “I washed, what else was I supposed to do” XD and I just love that haha. theres just so many ways to take it. I wont be doing any megastar in my au, I just tag anything that has megatron and starscream interacting with megastar cuz thats the dynamic to me

skystar/jetstar: iddkkkkk i know this is the most popular ship but it’s just!! idk! its not as interesting to me haha. I love this as a past ship, they were roommates in college, starscream opened himself to someone, chose to become close and then was hurt by it. just another wound on starscream’s spark before he ever even meets megatron. I don’t think theyd get back together after the ice. idk how well I can write this so I’ll just explain how it happens in my au here: skyfire died and starscream created this version of skyfire in his mind that was perfect, he memorialised him because he was dead! you just cant live up to how someone remembers you. I think that was part of the reason why starscream reacts so badly when skyfire “betrayed” him. unlike thundercracker, skyfire knows how to set healthy boundaries. not to mention he’d been on ice for four million years, lost his entire life, everyone he knows, and his entire civilisation, planet, and culture to a war he had no part in. bot’s gonna be upset. pissed off even. skyfire shouldnt have to be some soft sparked punching bag for starscream, he’s kind and a pacifist but he’s also going to get upset and have feelings. I think starscream’s betrayal would hit pretty hard, he’d gonna be upset about how much starscream’s changed, how much damage starscream helped cause during the war, and also starscream shooting him in the back for wanting to protect the native wildlife! when they properly talk to each other again it’s going to be heated on both sides, and I think after some hard work from both sides they could end up in a place where they are willing to be friends again, but I don’t think they’d conjunx. skystar isnt end game to me, but it is canon and an important part of the story

starop: I think ive read one fic where I really liked this ship. it’s just such a random pairing. my initial reaction is just noooo optimus prime?? but that guy’s everyone’s dad! Ive been told a big part of it is they’re both megatron’s ex’s and that’s pretty funny. not for me sadly haha (opxmegatronoldmanyaoiotpfrfr)

starjack…wheelstar? whatever the starscream and wheeljack one is. I’m not into this one. I see where people are coming from with it, but wheeljack isnt an interesting character to me. they can be science bros tho

starscream and windblade: ive seen this like once or twice. not for me. windblade is like, starscream’s daughter or something idk XD 

soundstar: uuuh i dont see it. sorry! i legit have no thoughts on soundstar. theyre coworkers XD. ive seen fics where the seekers are really young and soundwave moms them, and that’s really cute. okay, I like soundwave as a caretaker if the seekers are young, but yeah I don’t think I understand this one. 

shockstar: nooooooo. tho ironically theres more canon content there to fuel this one than soundstar (is this emotion?) but still no XD I don’t even hate shockwave! let him be sunstorm’s dad, that’s cute. but no, shockewave too creepy. no ship. they are also coworkers

what other ship is there even? oh yeah

starprowl: this is apparently a really popular ship?! I guess in a way prowl is sort of like the autobot’s starscream, undermining his leader, arrogant, willing to do the dubious play. they’re both ruthless. I like this one better than starjacked, but its still an odd pairing to me.

oh! knockout and starscream, i can kinda see it? like, as a rebound after breakdown? I like knock out and breakdown, so I’d only see these two as like friends or if something happened to breakdown. they’re a LOT of fun when they interact tho heh heh, perfectly clashing personalities

on the topic of tfp, I guess starscream and arcee is a ship? I can see this similar to my enjoyment of starbee, they’d have to work reeaally hard for this one to work but they have had potentially positive interactions in the show (before starscream screws it up) so its possible in a better world where starscream doesnt suck they could become friends. him killing cliffjumper is gonna be a huge hurdle tho! 

dont talk to me about airachnid

do people ship starscream and ratchet? I don’t ship it, but I do really like interactions between them. starscream is so terrible but he also gets hurt a lot. ratchet is grumpy and prejudice but he’s the best doctor and he’ll fix him up! I like when something terrible happens to starscream and ratchet cant help but feel bad for the guy. that’s the good stuff.

lastly i have been asked a few times on trinebee. im assuming this is bumblebee and the trine. i hadnt thought about it but it makes sense! if youre a starbee shipper, but you also support trine propaganda, then it only makes sense to bring bee into the trine. also bee and thundercracker are friends! the only ones who havent really had any interaction is bee and warp, and honestly idk if I see those two getting along but bumblebee is everybody’s friend so XD I’m sure it’ll work out!

and i think those are all the thoughts i have on the ships! 

no hate on anyone who ships any of these!!! you all do what you do, these are just my opinions, and honestly I’m just not a huge shipper to begin with haha. I am…unsure if there will be any shipping content in my au, I write my scenarios very much “canon but to the left” and so it comes out very sex-less because romance and intimacy is just not the type of content I’m in the business of writing. but, idk, i think about it sometimes. sometimes I think about the end of chapter one of thundercracker’s origin, the night starscream took thundercracker out on a not-date. i think, who knows, in some version of the story maybe they shared a kiss? maybe they went back to the apartment and things went further? maybe. but of course, in every version of the story, starscream is gone the next morning. 

happy valentrine’s day!

[seokgyuu]

Coming back home for the summer hasn’t been fun in ages. Thankfully, that is just about to change when you lay eyes on Matthew who, according to Taerae, isn’t into older girls. Never backing down from a challenge you decide to approach him anyways - making yourself younger than you actually are and calling Matthew “oppa” more times than probably necessary.

Pairing: Seok Matthew x Fem!Reader

Genre: Comedy, Smut

Word Count: 5.2k

Warnings: Reader is actively lying to Matthew to get into his pants, loads and loads of usage of the word “oppa”, alcohol drinking (idk in what country this universe is, they call each other with honorifics but they kind of are in the states because i made the drinking age 21…. just don’t pay it any mind ok, it’s porn disguised as a funny story) , this work contains adult content! MDNI! Smut warnings under the cut!

Playlist: Hot in Herre - Nelly (you’ll get it), Yeah - Usher, Murder on the Dancefloor - Sophie Ellis-Bextor, Break Your Heart - Taio Cruz, Durch den Monsun - Tokio Hotel

A/N: thank you sm @xscoupsx for the perfect header & divider!!! absolute masterpiece i am still staring at it. finally got this worm out of my brain!!! take this with a grain of salt, it's all fun and giggles. Tags: @cheolism, @the-boy-meets-evil

When you get home that day it’s his number on your phone (that he saved as ‘matthew oppa’ of course) that pops up asking if you made it home safely. It’s Taerae’s number that pops up to let you know he’s blocking you. Giggling, you fall down onto your bed, your slippers hanging off your feet threatening to fall off any second, but instead of caring, you open up instagram. You find him quick and easy, Seok Matthew followed by Gyuvin and Taerae and Hanbin and basically everyone you know in this small town. How come you’ve never seen him before? 

Smut warnings: oppa kink, sexting, masturbation (f&m), unprotected sex (booo!), blowjob, cumming in mouth, lmk if i missed anything!

“Forget it. He’s not into older girls.”

Taerae is sipping on his milkshake watching you watch his former classmate and friend Matthew. You’re in the mall in Taerae’s hometown which also happens to be your hometown. You’ve left for college around a year and a half ago and coming back here never truly excites you anymore. Or at least it didn’t use to. Now, looking at the young man outside of Mikey’s Milkshakes handing out flyers with sweat dripping down his temples, you think that just about changed. 

“He doesn’t know that I’m older,” you shoot back, sucking on your own straw and enjoying the taste of peanut butter on your tongue.

“You look older, noona.”

A napkin hits Taerae’s forehead. It was you. You threw the napkin. He just chuckles and shakes his head

“No, you don’t get it. Matthew is… weird. Like he has this whole thing where he hates when people call him cute. He gets all upset and tells them he isn’t cute, he’s Woohyun oppa.”

While you do cringe, you also find it quite interesting. You’ve heard of this before - younger guys who didn’t like to be younger. He was Taerae’s age, so freshly 21 and attending the local college with Tae, which meant if anything he would have to go for girls 18 or 19 and, come on, they surely couldn’t please him like you! 

“How convenient,” you smile in a way that makes Taerae shiver in something close to fear, “I’ve always wanted to try calling a younger guy oppa.”

“You’re horrible,” Tae comments, shoving his milkshake away from him, “horrible and crazy. He is never going to fall for you being younger.”

“Really? Want to make this interesting then?” The evil grin on your face certainly means nothing but trouble. But it’s summer and this town is boring as hell with nothing ever happening. So, why not? Taerae shakes your hand, betting against you that you, in fact, will not succeed to bed Matthew. It’s not just pride that’s on the line but also free milkshakes for the rest of the summer. 

You somehow convince your friend Gyuvin to act like you’re his same age cousin from a different town. As it turns out he also knows Matthew. How does everyone know this guy but you? And why has no one ever mentioned to you how they have an extremely attractive friend who just so happens to have an oppa kink? 

It’s honestly a mystery to you how Taerae didn’t think you’d be able to pull off being a 04’ liner. You can pretend to be way younger than you are! You don’t look like you’re twenty-three! Matthew is eating out of your hand by lunch. He listens to you attentively and everytime you call him “oppa” he seems to melt into his chair. 

When you get home that day it’s his number on your phone (that he saved as ‘matthew oppa’ of course) that pops up asking if you made it home safely. It’s Taerae’s number that pops up to let you know he’s blocking you. Giggling, you fall down onto your bed, your slippers hanging off your feet threatening to fall off any second, but instead of caring, you open up instagram. You find him quick and easy, Seok Matthew followed by Gyuvin and Taerae and Hanbin and basically everyone you know in this small town. How come you’ve never seen him before? 

His profile isn’t private which means you didn’t have to follow him to stalk his 103 posts, but you still do. It saddens you that you can’t comment things like “you look so good, oppa” or “woah, that color looks so perfect on you, oppa”, but you digress. Sucking on a popsicle from the freezer, you scroll through his feed, seeing that he definitely hasn’t been this hot for a long time. There is a ringing in your ear and you try to lose it by scratching it. What the hell? Back to Matthew, please! Just last year he looked like a teenager freshly hitting puberty and now? He’s buff and handsome and just thinking about what might be under that shirt makes your thighs press together. Perhaps you have a serious problem because when you spot the highlight saying “gym” with the flexing arm emoji, you are already halfway down with your hand to touch yourself. 

His gym pics are a goldmine for your dirty fantasies and thoughts about the man you’re planning to seduce. There is one where he flexes his arm and grinning while winking into the mirror he’s taking the pic in. Then there is the one where he is sitting on the bench press, leaned forward with a half smirk, his tight tank top leaving nothing to the imagination. The shorts he’s wearing make you feel dizzy and as you imagine what his cock would look like and what he would feel like inside of you, you begin to circle your clit with your thumb, throwing your head back as you continue your fantasy. Matthew and you on that bench press, his strong arms holding you down as he fucks into you mercilessly. 

A ‘ping’ disrupts your session and you open your eyes, looking down to see he had texted you again. It’s almost comical - you thinking about him fucking you and touching yourself to that thought and him texting you a “it was so nice to meet you” message as if you weren’t thinking about him fucking your brains out. 

Sighing, you pull your hand out of your panties, wiping them off on your shorts and decide to text him back. 

matthew oppa: it was so nice to meet you

you: you too, oppa <3

matthew oppa: hehe

matthew oppa: so, what are your plans this week? 

you: hmm, not much… why?

matthew oppa: oh well, i was wondering if maybe you’d wanna go to a drive in with me?

you: ohh, like watching a movie in a car?

matthew oppa: yeah, exactly!

Now, this is where your current horniness decides to take over. Licking over your lips you sink deeper into your pillows, your slippers completely fallen off now, your legs spreading slightly as you stare at the screen, thinking about how you can make this guy jerk off to you right now without sounding too experienced. 

you: well… i would love to see you again, oppa, but…

matthew oppa: but…?

you: my friends… they told me some things about drive ins you know

matthew oppa: huh? what things?

you: uhm… like that when you go to a drive in with a boy… well you know 🙈

matthew oppa: oh

matthew oppa: y/n you don’t have to worry

matthew oppa: i won’t do anything you’re not comfortable with, oppa promises 

you: that’s nice of you to say, oppa💕

you: but… what if i want something you’re not comfortable with? 

matthew oppa: what do you mean?

you: it’s embarrassing 🥺

matthew oppa: you don’t have to be embarrassed with oppa, yn 

you: ok if you say so…

you: it’s just that i know we only met today but

you: i just can’t stop thinking about you

matthew oppa: that’s cute 

matthew oppa: oppa can’t stop thinking about you too, if that makes you feel better baby

Baby. You bite down on your lip. As much as it makes you cringe it makes your pussy wet, the way he speaks and reacts, how he addresses himself as ‘oppa’. You wonder if maybe your need to get laid is taking over the intelligence you usually inhabit. 

you: really? 🥺

matthew oppa: yeah

you: are you also… thinking naughty thoughts, oppa?

matthew oppa: oh

matthew oppa: are you thinking naughty thoughts, baby?

you: idk… 🥺

matthew oppa: you can be honest with oppa, baby, i would never judge you

you: i am thinking naughty thoughts

matthew oppa: like what?

you: saw oppa’s instagram… your gym highlight

matthew oppa: you liked it?

you: a lot 🙈

matthew oppa: how much did you like it, baby?

you: so much that i got all wet… down there

You want to die and at the same time you don’t think you’ve been this wet (down there) in ages. Not the dude from the semester end party who had fucked you in the smallest bathroom known to mankind and most certainly not Jiwoong last summer. You wonder if anyone has ever made you this wet without even physically being present.

matthew oppa: fuck

matthew oppa: you got wet just from my pictures? you like oppa that much?

you: i do… it’s so embarrassing

you: stared at you the whole day today… now i want you to do bad things to me, oppa

matthew oppa: yeah? what do you want me to do?

you: wanna get on my knees for you and have oppa fuck my mouth 🙈

matthew oppa: shit… got my cock so hard from just reading that, baby. 

you: does oppa wanna fuck my mouth?

matthew oppa: fuck yeah. your mouth and your wet pussy baby

you: i’m so wet oppa, so wet for you 🥺

matthew oppa: can i call you?

He ends up calling you before you can respond his raspy voice on the other side of the line already telling you he’s getting off. What follows is just the two of you simultaneously masturbating while telling the other dirty things you wanna do to each other. He tells you how he wants to fuck you (his main fantasy seems to be you on all fours and him behind you drilling into you like a sledgehammer) and how you need him to fill you inexperienced pussy.

Obviously you don’t say that, you just hint at it. Matthew wants to be an oppa, he wants someone younger who looks up to him - especially in a sexual way. So, of course you’re gonna lie to him and tell him you’ve only had sex like twice and both times had been five minutes tops and you also had never had a guy make you cum or cum inside of you. All of these are lies. Your body count has gotten to a point of you not even remembering anymore and the amount of plan bs you had taken should probably be illegal. You’re not responsible when it comes to fucking and you are well aware. Matthew, though, doesn’t need to know this. 

When he cums with your name on his lips and you cum begging for him to fill you up, you call it a night. 

The drive in idea doesn’t come up again. You worry for a day that he might have lost interest. Then, you hear from Gyuvin that the drive in had to close because there was a fire and Matthew has just been swamped with work. You deem that as a good enough reason for him to leave you on read for approximately two seconds before it starts to piss you off. Thankfully, summers in your hometown promise extreme ragers every weekend to which you are sure Matthew will come too. At least you hope he does.

Out of all people, Jiwoong is the one to throw the first big rager of the summer and even knowing that Jiwoong could very easily blow your cover, you decide to go. With your sluttiest little dress and some skimpy underwear on, Taerae only sighs when you get into his car.

“You will give the man a damn heart attack,” he comments as he turns out of your parents driveway. You chuckle.

“Let’s hope that happens after I win that bet against you, Taetae.” 

“You truly are a horrible person. Lying to get into someone’s pants? Shouldn’t that be below you?” 

“Dramaqueen.” You roll your eyes and pull down the visor to open the small mirror and check your make-up. 

“I’m just saying,” Taerae continues as he stops at a traffic light, “watch out. If he finds out you’re lying chances are he’s gonna be mad.”

“Come on. I’ve lived in this town my whole fucking life. If anything it’s kind of his fault for not knowing me.”

It is odd. How he has apparently been in Taerae’s class all this time and neither of you knew each other. But then again, how were you supposed to know everyone? You don’t see Taerae looking at you with the biggest side eye. And even if you had, you probably wouldn’t have cared. 

Jiwoongs house is huge. His parents are both lawyers or whatever and you remember vividly how one of Jiwoong’s friends wanted to hit on you, some small unremarkable guy you had already forgotten the name of, and how Jiwoong saved you from him, getting your pussy as a thank you. In his parent’s room. You wonder if they ever found out.

There is already loud music playing when you get to the house, Tae parking his car in the last available spot on the street. Getting out, you try your best not to flash the people walking past you and Tae chuckles when you land on your heels a little shaky. You decide to ignore him and just start walking towards the door, him right behind you. Right at the entrance you already spot Gyuvin with Ricky and Gunwook and you raise your brows when you spot a red cup on the latter’s hand.

“It’s coke, noona, I swear!” He says the second you reach him, showing off the contents of his cup by tilting it slightly. Clicking your tongue you nod in approval, moving on to the other two. 

“Technically,” Gyuvin says, his own cup suspiciously close to his chest and far away from your glaring eyes, “you are the same age as us tonight, so…,” he seriously tries to talk him out of this. You put your hands on your hips and look at him, Ricky, his cup, Ricky’s cup. The two share a gaze before sighing and finally handing the cups to you. You smile triumphantly.

“Very good. Thank you, boys.” 

“Aaaand these are for me, thank you very much,” a voice startles you, taking the two cups from your hands. Your look to your right and see Taerae grinning widely.

“What? If they are underage, so are you, bestie.” 

Waving with his occupied hands, Tae goes inside humming along to the music. You groan and roll your eyes, knowing full well you did this to yourself but also hating Taerae because this was obviously all his fault.

“Now, now. We can all have a wonderful time without alcohol!” Gunwook smiles widely and if he wasn’t so adorable you might have punched him in the stomach. Instead, you just sigh once more and walk into the house, leaving the three boys behind.

Inside, there is a big crowd of people gathered in the spacey living room and your eyes are already scanning your surroundings for Matthew. While you really want him to fuck you (like so much you literally thought about not wearing any panties just for him. Then you put on your dress and realized there was no way in hell), you also need to stay in character. You are innocent, shy, a young girl who needs her oppa to show her the ropes. Perhaps, you are even a little insecure because he left you on read for two days, who knows?

It doesn’t take long to spot him. And when you do, you are suddenly thankful Tae took the cups away from you because you for sure would have dropped them. It’s almost comical that Nelly’s “Hot in Herre”starts playing right this second. 

Matthew has his hair styled up, a few strands falling into his forehead, his face so perfectly on display you want to place kisses all over it. And as if that wasn’t enough, there is a white sleeveless shirt on his muscular body that lets everyone know he is buff and proud of it. 

Fuck. You need him. Like, right now. 

No one has ever looked that fucking delicious, you decide. He is the yummiest person on this planet and you’re gonna have him. 

For a few moments, you only watch him. Watch how he talks to someone you don’t know, how he nips at his cup, how he laughs at a joke. It’s a miracle you haven’t started drooling. People keep on walking around you and only when one nearly runs you over, you decide to move closer to Matthew. So far, he hasn’t seen you. 

Biting down on your lip, you wonder how you could best catch his attention without going right over to him. The solution presents itself in the form of Hanbin standing leaned against the wall with a cup in one and his phone in the other hand. 

Showtime. You grin to yourself. Then, you get into character. 

“Hanbin oppa!” You squeal, loud enough for Matthew and the girl he is talking to hear. And when Matthew sees you, sees the way you beam at Hanbin, he feels a sting in his pride. His eyes burn into you, making you feel hot all over. 

Hanbin, on the other hand, is more than confused. Mainly because you’re older than him and just called him oppa. 

“Uh, what?” 

“Play along, or you’re dead,” you say with the same enthusiastic beam as before, your voice lowered for only Hanbin to hear. He clears his throat and nods. He knows not to mess with you and your antics.

“S-sure, uhm, whats up?” 

“Trying to make Matthew think I wanna fuck you instead of him,” you laugh loudly, as if he had said something funny, your left hand slightly hitting his shoulder, while the other twirls a strand of hair around your finger. Hanbin’s eyebrows shoot up.

“Right, Tae mentioned you were doing that.” He shoves his phone into the back pocket of his jeans and watches you with his brows still raised. 

“Don’t judge me, Sung Hanbin. I remember very well how you tried to get with Katie last summer and literally told her your dad invented fucking Microsoft.”

“Is it my fault she didn’t know Bill Gates?” Hanbin defends himself right away and you chuckle. 

“No. Is it my fault Matthew’s into younger girls?”

Hanbin stays silent for a beat, the song now changing to Usher’s “Yeah” and you wonder what decade you’re in.

“Fair point. But then again I’m just confused becau-,”

“Y/N!”

An arm is wrapped around your waist the next second, an arm you’ve been fantasizing over for days now. 

“Oppa, hi,” your eyes are basically hearts staring up at him. Hanbin thinks he’s very likely stuck in a simulation.

“Hyung,” Matthew smiles at Hanbin, but even someone blind could have figured out it wasn’t an actual smile, “I think Hao hyung is looking for you. Better go check on him, yeah?” 

Hao hyung  definitely isn’t looking for him. Hao hyung is upstairs with a cute boy and a cute girl and Hanbin is well aware. Taking this as his leave, he nods at both of you and leaves you to your idiotic game. 

“Hey,” Matthew now looks at you, eyes softening only slightly. 

“Hi,” you repeat yourself, biting down on your lip.

“I was hoping to see you here.” 

He moves closer to you, your back hitting the wall and his other hand tugging a loose hair behind your ear. 

“Did you? I thought maybe you weren’t interested anymore after we, you know….” You truly deserve an Oscar for the performance you’re giving. Matthew licks over his lips.

“After you came so good for me on the phone, you mean?” His eyes bore into yours and your panties are seemingly swimming away. 

“I- I, yes, after that.”

“Of course oppa is still interested, baby. Oppa just had a lot of work, oppa is sorry.”

He leans closer to you, both hands now on your waist and you can feel the growing tension.

“Oppa..,” you whimper when he is right there, so close to kiss you. 

“Oppa has been thinking about you and your tight pussy all week, will you let Oppa fuck her?”

You moan when his hands creep around and squeeze your ass. 

“W-We didn’t even r-really talk!” You cry after, but Matthew just chuckles, his lips hovering over your own. 

“We can still talk after, doll. Now I desperately need to sink my cock into you, ‘am already so fucking hard.” 

And then he kisses you. Kisses you hard and so full of lust and desperation your knees give in. He pulls you closer against him and you can feel he didn’t lie. He is hard. You decide not to give it too much thought as of why. 

Instead, you part from him, breathlessly and grab his hand to take him to the one room you know for sure won’t be occupied. 

Matthew’s hands are all over you. Groping your boobs one second, then they are back on your ass, all while Murder On the Dancefloor blasts through the house. Desperation radiates off of him and you bathe in it. Bathe in the way he drags your dress up and touches every second of skin he frees. His lips chase yours in haste and you wrap your arms around his neck, letting him push you towards the large bed in the center of the room. 

“Shit, you’re so hot,” he whispers against your lips and you suck his tongue into your mouth as a response. You know he’s already hard. Can feel it when you press your hand against his crotch. He moans and kisses you harder, tongue continuously slapping against yours like he needs to prove a point. 

Your back hits the bed seconds later, his thigh pressed between yours against your clothed cunt that’s already throbbing with want. 

“Want you so bad, oppa,” you cry out, hands fumbling with that god forsaken muscle shirt that has got your pussy wet the second you spotted him in it. He rips off his body the next second and you sigh in absolute bliss. Immediately, you move to touch his toned torso, his defined abs, his perfect shoulders. Fuck, he is incredibly hot. 

“Yeah? Want oppa to fuck you, hm?” His voice is deep and raspy against your ear and you nod rapidly, moving your hips against his thigh. Matthew chuckles, hands back to squeeze your tits, causing you to arch your back against him. His touch feels intoxicating, already got you addicted. It’s the way he is still oh so desperate for you. His kisses are sloppy and his cock is hard against you, his hips moving for any kind of friction. A part of you wants to take your sweet time with him, put him in your mouth, have him come undone on your tongue. Work him so long until he can fuck you for real. But there is a party downstairs and people will eventually notice you’re gone. 

“Put it in me, oppa, please, please, please.” 

He groans at your begging, his head nodding as if in trance, quickly ridding you of your panties and himself of his pants. You watch with a heaving chest how he doesn’t even fully shove his jeans and briefs down his legs, how they pool there at his ankles as he gets on his knees and flips you over. You gasp in surprise, another enormous wave of lust overcoming you when he pulls you up, your ass in the air, the perfect position for him to fuck you like he wanted to. 

Matthew is surprised he isn’t foaming at the mouth with you in front of him like this. His eyes are glued to your glistening pussy, his cock hard against his stomach. Grabbing his cock, he jerks himself off a few times before guiding himself to your entrance - only to stop just before he breaches you.

“Shit, I don’t have a condom,” he curses. You look back at him.

“Just pull out, Matthew, please.” 

In your impatience you forgot to call him “oppa”. For a second you’re worried but he is too distracted by you wanting him to fuck you raw he doesn’t even notice the missing honorific. 

Without any more hesitation, he finally sinks into you, his thick head stretching you out just the way you hoped it would. Your fingers grab the bedsheets, eyes falling shut as you get used to the way he feels, inch by inch. And, shit, does he feel good. 

Matthew is scared he’ll come right away when he bottoms out. His cock has never felt more comfortable inside anyone before. Almost as if he was made to fuck you and only you. Thankfully, he doesn’t immediately shoot his load and instead begins to move. And really, he tried to start slow and steady, he really did. But he’s just a horny dude, in the end. His thrusts are rapid and hard and you feel like you’re high. Your thoughts are empty, there is only him and the way he fucks you like an animal. All you feel is your rising orgasm, your pussy squeezing him over and over, your moans getting louder and louder. Matthew isn’t quiet either - both of you seem like you’re harmonising as he fucks you from behind with gluttal moans escaping him every few seconds. His eyes are rolled back and his hands are around your waist, holding you so hard you’re sure there will be marks later on. You are more than ready to welcome them. 

“You- You take oppa’s cock so fucking well, fuck,” Matthew is so close to finishing, you can feel it. 

“Oppa fucks me so good! Don’t stop!” You push your hips against him and he gifts you another one of his melodic moans that have you gushing over his cock. He curses under his breath. 

“Yeah, I can feel how much you like oppa fucking you, such a naughty girl, aren’t you?” His nails dig into your skin and you cry out, his dirty words doing exactly what they are supposed to: bring you close to the edge.

“Ngh- Oppa! Gonna c-cum!” Your mouth hangs open, drool landing on Jiwoong’s parent’s bed. Matthew’s head is spinning and he does his best to keep fucking you exactly like this. He wants you to cum before he does, wants you to cum on his cock, wants to feel you squeeze and clench around him. Wants your release to be the finishing touches for his. 

And when he leans slightly forward, his arm creeping around you to press his thumb to your clit, you can feel the knot tighten and finally explode. 

You’re cumming hard around his cock, vibrating around him with nothing but utter pleasure. You keep calling for him, tell him to keep going, to fuck you through your orgasm and he manages to pull out of you just when you deem yourself satisfied. Quickly, he jerks himself off, ready to finish on your ass, when suddenly you are right there, your mouth around his tip, catching his spurts of cum that shoot out the second he feels your lips around him.

“O-oh, f-fuck! Yeah, t-take all of oppas cum! Fuuuuck!” He pushes you further down his cock, nose in his neatly trimmed pubic hair, more and more strings of his cum gushing down your throat. You swallow every last bit, even lick him clean when he pulls you back, his eyes meeting yours. 

“That was insane,” he says, helping you sit up fully. You grin and pull him down into a kiss he is more than happy to return. 

With your clothes back where they belong, the two of you walk out of Jiwoong’s parents room only to run into… Jiwoong. A mad Jiwoong. Who has a girl with him. A girl who looks more spooked than she should considering she came up here with Jiwoong for probably the same reason as you and Matthew did.

“Oh, hey!” You chirp and Jiwoong looks from you to Matthew and back. 

“”Oh, hey”? Are you fucking with me?” 

“Pretty sure I was just fucking with him, oppa,” you counter, thumb pointing over your shoulder and at Matthew who awkwardly lifts his hand in a wave. Jiwoong groans. 

“Would you give us a second?” He says to the girl and the girl rolls her eyes but finally nods, making her way down the hallway and back downstairs, where Taio Cruz’s Break You Heart is most definitely making the people lose their shit on the dancefloor.

“Yo, hyung, sorry, I know this is your parents room and all, but-,”

Jiwoong raises his hand and Matthew stops speaking. 

“Frankly, I don’t give a fuck, thank you very much. I am more interested in what the fuck this is.” 

He points between you and Matthew and the two of you share a look.

“What- what do you mean?” You ask, continuing to play innocent. 

Jiwoong blinks.

“Are you- are you for real?” 

With being so focused on not understanding what the fuck Jiwoong is on about, you fail to see Matthew using his hands to gesture to Jiwoong to stop talking!

“Jiwoong oppa, what is your problem?” You ask, crossing your arms. 

“My- what my problem is? Jesus, Y/N, just last summer you turned Matty down and instead went to fuck me and now this?”

“What are you talking about, what Matty, wha-,” 

Matty. Matt…y… Matt….hew. Oh.

You remember. Remember the friend that had hit on you, the small unremarkable guy that you couldn’t even remember the name of when you tried. You hadn’t been mean to him, just politely said no and while he did take it as an answer, he still tried to make conversation. Matty. 

Slowly, you turn to Matthew, your mouth hanging slightly open. He is red as a beet and one of his hands is rubbing his neck awkwardly. 

“You- you are Matty?” You ask. After another beat of silence (not really silence considering there was still a party going on) he nods.

“Yes, that would be me.”

You are dumbfounded. Flabbergasted. In shock. Your arm flies to Jiwoong’s shoulder to hold yourself steady.

“But you are- you are so-,”

“You told me you saw the gym pics, didn’t you?”

Oh yeah, you did. 

“You know I am not younger than you?”

“Younger than him, wha-,” Jiwoong chimes in, but neither you nor Matthew pay him any mind.

“Yup.” He pops the “p” at the end and you feel like you’re about to faint.

“So… everyone knows…. you know?” 

“Yup,” he repeats.

They are playing fucking Tokio Hotel downstairs now. 

“Right. Right, sure. That- uh, my bad.” You stand up straight again, letting your hands run over your dress. 

“Noona-,” Matthew starts, but you hold up your hand. 

“Let’s not. I need to let this sink in.”

You walk down the stairs and of course Taerae is leaning against the frame of the big arch, grinning from ear to ear. There is no way of knowing how he even fucking knows what just happened, but he does. When you finally get your hands on your first drink of the night, you are sure the bet was all part of the plan you were so kindly left out of. 

Later, when you spot Matthew with Hanbin and Gyuvin and your eyes meet, you tip your cup at him. Well played.

“If it makes you feel better, he probably would have had you call him oppa during sex anyways,” Ricky says from next to you and you close your eyes. 

This is going to be a long summer. 

[woooshworldtwo]

AT A LOSS

TAGS: WIFE!READER [Originally just mentioned once in dialogue but otherwise just spouse is used when describing said relationship between characters], Husband!Caracalla x Reader x Unrequited!Geta, Mentions of sex, Brief mentions of slavery [gladiators in the Colosseum], Brief mentions of animal cruelty [animals participating in the Colosseum], Historical inaccuracies, I'm not sure what else.

FIRST NOTE: I think I wanted to try accentuating the care he wants to give reader and therefore ends up treating those around him as what he sees them as- disposable and like shit. Geta is a TERRIBLE man so I guess I just wanted him to be pining for someone he knows is out of reach. I was gonna make it a series to like Caracalla x partner reader x unrequited Geta. if this is the first chapter, ngl idk where to trail off from there. i kind of write while im smoking just to fuck around so maybe i could write at least five-ish chapters if i think of a good enough plot. WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE THINK?? who knows i could even do the same with Caracalla, it could make sense cause he literally kills his brother in the movie

SECOND NOTE: pov ur me, high off like five tokes and u watch Gladiator 2 the day it comes out on Paramount+. BOOM, obsessed, love it, don't even care about the historical inaccuracies. For some reason, as someone as not all there like Caracalla is, having that deep relationship with his brother, once he notices that lil interest Geta has, or even just the doubts of others finally becoming to a point where my guy has to LOCK IN to keep his partner w him. not cause they don't love them, I think it would be cause he loves THEM too much. I'm talking bristling at the notion whenever he thinks of them together. JUST UNSPOKEN TENSION. do u guys enjoy that?

THIRD NOTE: unfortunately, i have more to talk about but no one to say it to so ur my audience. yelling into the mic i ask, do you guys think I should write porn of Caracalla and reader FUCKING?? idk if it would even include Geta- IT COULD, WHATEVER YOU GUYS WANT. I sort of just wanted to explore writing intimacy as an actual action instead described as thoughts. leave ur thoughts on what u guys think on that too bc im literally so curious.

PLEASE DON'T COPY MY WORK, I BET YOU

Summer in your lungs, and alcohol swimming in your stomach; Caracalla wonders if he's seen beauty such as yours. Never alone in the hours of the night, the lovers he takes soon notice how harder he is to satisfy, to sedate into a warm puddle wrapped in expensive sheets- instead becoming unflinching to the pleasures that usually melt his tortured mind.

Intense with his emotions, he swears this affection was there from first glance. Taken sight of you at in your hazy glory; the clothes accentuating the shade of your skin, the warmth of your eyes, it only takes months before you two wed.

From there, days are blissful. Misery always follows, but he finds with your company at his side, falling into the episodes of madness are rarer and rarer.

Perhaps it's the sweetness of your soul mending what his lacks, or having the closeness of your body distances the pestering thoughts appearing out of thin air. No matter what is it, with his claws dug into your being- he refuses to let go.

Dimmed by what other's consider insanity, it's difficult not to see Caracalla's growing lucidness. Coming face to face with it, Geta realizes any foes and enemies of Rome has never been as close as his brother has to the inner workings of his mind.

Divided by grace, the affection for you has been its limit. As the eldest, Caracalla bears the pitying glances from other's in the palace; to have the responsibilities laid on Geta is blasphemy, but who else can handle its weight when his mind is in two?

Who else to lessen its everlasting ache if not you? For that reason, such as many others, is why he cannot risk this becoming what he has grown familiar with- sharing with his brother.

Holding the same curiosity he did in the faint moments of childhood, his Adam's Apple bobs faintly- and when you look to follow its movements before returning your gaze to him: a faint shiver is felt and repressed in that same breath. "Caracalla?"

Asking in a murmur, he knows what you're referring to. Living with you these past handful of months, he can recall the number of times you've cut each conversation he's thought out into nothing more than small talk. In one worded questions, he cannot help but admire the relaxed sight of you.

So much so, he allows you to each time. Tossing the unspoken plans of connection for small talk, he nods. A hint of a smile is seen, and alone from that, you beam back at him.

Genuine like the sun, to continue seeing it, it makes it easy for him to keep spew out half thought words in hopes something he says would land. "He will arrive shortly, do not worry.", it ends with your name, echoing from his mouth, and although the God's have given him the same glory they themselves hold at their fingertips; nothing has sounded as holy.

Bounded by faith, the prayers he spills are ingrained in the folds of his brain, but once consumed in these times of power, he wonders if he should dare step closer to the soul he swears should beat for him.

"... Geta?", Unknowing for how much time has past, the beaming smile you once held is melted into a small frown. Quietly urging him to the present like he's seen you do with his brother, there's a warmth blooming in the hallow part of his chest.

Cherishing the brief concern, it only seems to remind him what Caracalla has naturally and what he takes the scraps of.

Still leaned back into the expensive marble, the wall itself is a pale enough color to forget about, instead focusing on the features he, too, fantasizes of in passing moments alone.

"Where did you go?", Too familiar with speaking to the other emperor, the question is thoughtless when spoken, yet its weight is felt nonetheless. "Nowhere. Just here.. Are you enjoying yourself?", Taking a pause, he eventually speaks again. It's done when walking to the the throne nearing Caracalla's; the one you sit in.

"Quite the spectacle.", Your eyes peer down at the sight below; bloodshed in the Colosseum's sand doesn't make your stomach twist like it once did, however when watching captured men swing weapons- and seeing another one fall, you look to him again.

Sitting at his own throne, you find his eyes already on you; a quirk upturning on his lips to show the pleased buzz your words give him. Gladiators from conquered lands, their purpose in Rome is to win their survival and amuse any passing visitors. Yet in the past year or so, since your arrival, he's found a deeper sense of pride at their display.

Growing passed the Senator's praise, passed continuing his parents past teachings, he has found serenity in the amazement you hold so clearly.

Seeing your wonder at the captured animals; their stature towering over the sand's flat ground, using its strength to trample over any competitors- he finds himself chasing the occasional bursts of attention he manages to keep with in your magenta sunlight.

Never promising loyalty to anyone; he chases it when you're unable to give it, the mess of concubines and courtesans who he cannot remember the names nor the faces of, only remembering their similarities to you- their purpose has been asked for more as of late, and neglected all the same soon after.

No matter if it was seeing a person with hair similar to yours, a familiar sounding voice, even just dressed in clothing resembling your own; they were sought out after in hopes of finding you in them.

He finds it only lasts briefly.

Of course sex is endless, at the call of his voice and at the stop of a groan; services are there to satisfy whatever craving he has. But after each round of breathlessness, he finds that hunger for what is missing growing into something insatiable.

Hours spent, feeling their bodies, picturing what your own must look like underneath the white moonlight casting into his bedchambers. Each thrust is heavy with yearning he cannot mend, moaning for warmth he cannot have; he damns Caracalla in those times for finding you first before he did.

Perhaps then would you be his spouse. To bed you the same way his brother does would be true nirvana, to hear those same whimpers he knows you're able to make, to feel you shiver and tighten around him the same way those people do; it's what he longs for.

He's certain then he'd be more than just rough, chasing whatever high is made in a blurry of orgasms- it becomes difficult to differentiate who is with him and who is imagined; not when his eyes are shut and your image is all he sees in its darkness. Tenderness is taught, and if his brother was able to learn to extend that same to you; there is no doubt he'd do the same.

"Are you enjoying it?", Turning your focus back onto Geta, his answer is a hum. The sound is husky from passing thoughts, and strain for what should be hidden; he takes a moment to gather his words.

"I always favor your company, the spectacle is merely entertainment.", Repeating what you said only minutes ago, the unexpressed emotions behind it is registered in your mind- and although brushed off originally, that denial you have becomes harder to not believe Geta's feelings becoming more noticeable in the time spent at his brother's side.

"The ambience of cheering Roman's, animals in pain, and dying men; no wonder we have such lively conversations in these times.", Another quality of yours he finds endearing is your dryness. The harshness soaked into your veins from being raised by your family has not changed you the way it has him he notices; viewing the cruelties of Rome in whatever light you could shed, he once again almost smiles, a quirk of his lips turning upwards showing.

"Complaining to the emperor for the privileges he's given you? What an ungrateful wife you are.", Breaking out into a smile, what is said is anything but malicious. Leaving Caracalla unmentioned; unsaid, his mind is soothed from its ache, mending itself when remembering it's just you and him- hidden away.

Alone in a place where he can pretend you two are more than in-laws, there's a warm stirring at the sound of your laughter. Filled with humor you express so freely, it reminds him of conversations with your father throughout the years; his stories of your youth.

Defiant in ways he wishes he'd seen, and mischievous in ways he knows you still are; the only changes is now you're not tangible. Yet, lost in affections like he never got to be as a boy, he doesn't mind who he's face to face with now. Not in the slightest.

"Forgive my insolence, emperor; I plead for it.", Clearly you speak to Caracalla too much because the shiver trailing up his spine goes directly into that heated feeling in his abdomen. Aware you're unknowing to the effect you have, it only worsens at the hint of playfulness heard.

"Oh, you're forgiven. The God's have extended their mercy onto you today, but be wry, they could change their mind.", Unwilling to give into the arousal brewing, the tension he's created in his body, he replies with a smile- one that lingers too long.

Mischief isn't needed to be noticed in the palace, not with the two emperor's having their souls intertwining themselves with your own- no longer being unheard by those around you, that streak remains. It brings an amusement greater than bloodshed to Geta, and even more so to Caracalla. Smoothness of your words he swears is coated with the sweetest of wines; it disarms what would be seen as scrutiny as nothing more than a jest.

With humor being forgotten in such trying times; outside of what the Colosseum offers, and outside of the different celebrations of another conquered land- Geta finds your spirit is lightening to what is constantly dampening in his.

Shouts of Roman's are heard, like you predicted, and another man falls. However, with neither of you truly paying attention to the sight; their deaths were not offered the same graciousness you're given so carelessly, so frivolously: and when one of the last remaining takes their bow to surrender- only then do you look away.

To see your eyes of amusement grow into something unreadable, his own smile dims into a frown.

Standing from the throne, his hands rest on the Bisellium's railing, he grips onto it tightly when seeing below. Blood stains the sand as always; the deceased laid out over it in the afternoon heat, and the two lone man kneel. Meters away from one another, your eyes flicker between them, and soon Geta speaks up again.

Mercy is yelled in the air, and when he asks you, his voice is quieter than intended, "Shall we show mercy?"

Sparking what was lost, you nod, and another smile is seen, "Mercy."

Prayers do not solve what is inevitable, he finds, not when the God's blood soars through his body. The threat of rebellion, and the stings of betrayal, that mask that hides it all becomes wavering whenever he's with you; wishing to you like he did as a child to the God's for power, to worship you in ways he only should deities- it almost feels blasphemous.

Even more so now, when you don't understand the importance behind what he says; the grace he offers, the laughs he lets slip out- it is only the beginning of what he could promise you.

FOURTH NOTE: Now that you've made it this far, I wanna like drift away from what I was writing on my old account. it was just small paragraphs, but writing on a laptop just HITS DIFFERNT- literal hours spent doing this shit. I don't rlly wanna take requests bc i feel like my time is just too hectic for that, BUT I WOULD LOVE to hear your guys thoughts!! Okay, small series on these characters- Quinn Mossbacher, Simon Kalivoda, Ethan Russell, DIMITRI KRAVIOFF, DANIEL MARKOWITZ, JASON HOCHBERG, and finally our beloved; Caracalla. bad part is I haven't most of the movies they're in, so i don't want it to be inaccurate.

FIFTH NOTE: currently i'm writing a Johnny Storm fic series inspired by the new Fantastic Four trailer (writing the third chapter of what could be a five or even eight part series if I get to understand that franchise better), an Eddie Muson fic mainly just to fuck around and post that old one I never got a chance to. also an Adrian Chase fic i found on my laptop, another one for Koby from the one piece live action (I was inspired when the show first came out), and joe goldberg

FINAL NOTE: I've wanted to get into watching Yellowjackets. LOVE THE SHOW. Another thing I wanted to ask bc when I write for women characters, i like to write them as WLW. SO would you guys like it if i also wrote for Iris (Companion), SISTER BARNES (Heretic), Jinx (Arcane), Lucy Maclean (Fallout), Rhiannon Lewis (Sweetpea)?? one day if i sell out and get a membership to Prime or those silly addons; I WILL.

[heartstringsduet]

Favorite Fandom moments (this got way too long who is surprised) Thanks for tagging me: @tellmegoodbye @nisbanisba @reyesstrand

@welcometololaland @rmd-writes

@she-walked-away @everlastingday @strandnreyes

1. I binged season 1-3 in December 2022 by myself. A fun fact about me, i HATE procedurals. Usually I can manage a few episodes and enjoy them and then I think the formula of episodic rescues/crime solving is too boring. I thought I could maybe stay for the hot gay dudes I saw on my dash. But I fell in love with so much more than that. I rarely have shows with ensamble casts where I genuinely really like all characters. Michelle is the only exception. Goddamn that woman should only play faeries for the rest of her life. And weirdly, something I appreciate is watching these three seasons all by myself. It allowed me to really take the episodes in without any outside opinions or controversies or even over-hyping through others. I loved the show all by myself. And though a part of me wishes I would have found it earlier, I find a lot of joy in having these three seasons locked deep in my own heart, just for me.

2. Okay after all that too long blabbering, of COURSE I have to say the friends I made. Friendship has always been my biggest source of joy. Always. And I'm so blessed to have so many friends in my life, and more blessed to add people on my dash to them. If we text sometimes/often/daily or I just like your personal posts, know that I really care for what you put out there. You all matter to me, and I mean that.

3. Meeting some of you peeps IRL. And hoping to expand the list 💓

4. Sending out Holiday cards. Truly, I love doing it so much, even if the production last year was stressful I hope this year people will still be here and be interested in getting my lil card. And ofc I loved the ones I got back.

5. How creative and wonderful this fandom is. We are quite smol, but look at the big things we create. 2022 was the toughest year of my life, and a lot of what followed was an ebb and flow mentally, but one thing thatr eally helped me was to be more creative. And I thank every one of you who has left comments or sweet tags or created something themselves that keeps me motivated.

6. The Hello! Rafa/Ronen photoshoot . Still lives in my head rent-free.

7. Having people beta-read my humble writing. It helps me a lot! Just like reading fics by people whose writing I admire (y'all basically).

8. Fandom events. Like Gotcha charity, but also the Holiday exchanges and the watch parties and the server and so many little things in the cosmos of this fandom.

9. Even the disagreements. Idk. Very family dynamic to me and I don't mean to downplay how marginalized people are affected by some of it. But you tell me you hate someone's outfit and I will lovingly side-eye you like a cousin. It kind of is necessary to the eco system of fandom to not all be harmonious.

10. Most of all, how welcoming this fandom was from the very beginning. I try to be part of that. If I ever annoy you with engaging with personal posts, that's why. I want you to feel heard.

OPEN TAG (please use it if you want to participate and tag me back so I see!)

@herefortarlos @tellmegoodbye @paperstorm @eclectic-sassycoweyes

@emsprovisions @sapphic--kiwi @lightningboltreader @reasonandfaithinharmony

@alrightbuckaroo @theghostofashton @carlos-in-glasses @carlos-tk

@rangersoup @freneticfloetry @literateowl @firstprince-history-huh

@neversleepuntilfive @certifiedflower @ironheartwriter @henrygrass

@never-blooms @whatsintheboxmh @girlsnightout304 @bonheur-cafe

@lutavero @guardian-angle22 @toomanycupsoftea @actual-sleeping-beauty

@butchreyes @goodways @thisbuildinghasfeelings @ladytessa74 @lemonlyman-dotcom

@birdclowns @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @ameriicansrequiems @ambiguouspenny

@liminalmemories21 @louis-ii-reyes-strand @chicgeekgirl89 @fitzherbertssmolder

[clangenrising]

I'll be honest, I'm not sure how to feel about Moon 20. I was raised on purity culture and because of that sex is an uncomfortable topic for me, even though I wish it wasn't. I was exposed to that sorta stuff young (not sa, just unrestricted internet access lol) and it did sorta traumatize me, so I just find it disturbing to include sexual references in content that A, is made for a fandom primarily intended for children (which a content creator has to keep in mind regardless of if their content is actually for children imo) and B, has a cast of animals (I'm not saying this equals zoophilic content, but it still feels weird from where I'm standing. I know animals have sex and that it's normal, but I don't want to read about that).

I understand your argument and I appreciate that you offered trigger warnings, though. Idk, part of me wants to be supportive of content that doesn't kink shame and instead educates about different kinks, but I also see why people are getting upset over that moon.

You say that it's first and foremost fiction so even zoophilic content would be fine, but fiction is highly influential, even if it's intended to just be a fantasy. It's like if someone wrote offensive material; that material can subconsciously affect people's mindsets. Obviously if someone goes and fucks an animal that's their choice, it's just that providing content for that sort of stuff really just leans into teaching people it's okay and encouraging it when harmful paraphilias like that need therapeutic attention.

I just wanted to share my thoughts in hopes it might spark some good discussion.

Hey, I wanna thank you for having the bravery to send this. These are exactly the kind of conversations I wanna be having with my audience and I can tell you're coming to this conversation in good faith. If anybody is shitty or condescending in the comments of this, I'm going to be very disappointed.

I was also raised in a purity culture (Mormonism) so I know how you feel. When I was a preteen, I stumbled into erotic Warrior Cats rp forums and they excited and intrigued me and made me feel SUPER guilty. I was convinced for years that I had a porn addiction because I would look at smut every couple months when I was feeling horny. I may not have your exact experiences with purity culture but I definitely know what you mean about sex being an uncomfortable topic for you.

In my experience, this is just something that changes with time and exposure to other people and with a willful choice to change your attitudes, if that's something you want to do.

I understand your aversion to adding these sexual references to a fandom that is "for children" but I personally feel like just because a concept was introduced as being aimed at children doesn't mean it should always be. For example, fairy tales were created for children but dark and adult readings of fairy tales are really interesting and can provide some cool angles on the subject matter that keeping it child friendly wouldn't.

I am conscious of the fact that minors may read my work, which is why I use my tagging system and why the top of my blog says "some content may be PG-13". As well, none of the sexual content I write about is stuff that I would feel uncomfortable discussing with someone 13 years old and up. Teens are curious about sex and I think up front and honest conversations about it are really important to avoid the kind of shame and guilt and also misinformation that comes with purity culture and abstinence only education.

I think that in general, fiction is not harmful, but that doesn't mean it can't be harmful to a specific person. For instance, while I think Non/Dub Con fiction is not inherently harmful, someone who has trauma regarding SA might be harmed by reading that kind of thing. It ultimately falls to people to manage their own online experiences. And when it comes to stuff like zoophilia and being worried about normalizing it, that's why I think it's important to discuss how fiction is just that, fiction.

We shouldn't be forced not to write about sensitive topics, but we should engage with them responsibly and foster a culture that discusses this stuff openly and without judgement.

I don't think there's an easy solution to the feelings you're feeling and that's okay! You shared how you feel, I shared how I feel, and we both listened and considered the others' point of view. I hope everyone will stay respectful, thoughtful, open minded, and empathetic when engaging with this discussion. <3

[mono-dot-jpeg]

nap time - k. leona

summary; being sent into this world wasn't so bad. at least you found people like you.

genre/extra tags; jaguar hybrid! reader, reader is mc but not really???, grim is their child and reader refuses to accept it, cat habits instilled into humans, fluff, comedy, consensual violence as affection, reader has vitiligo that looks like jaguar spots but i never address it in the story, reader is referred to as mc and prefect

word count; 1.07k

[gender neutral reader] [can be romantic or platonic? idk]

a/n; hey lol, i write for twst now ig. i wont do it often bc i think i havent grasped some of the characters well enough. but i'll take some requests

and im also on a stardew valley grind for this month so... not really playing twst often. but nonetheless, hope you enjoy. i wrote this thinking abt tank the jaguar. love that big cat fr.

anyways insert obligatory leona nap time fanfic.

you were quite glad that you landed in a different world where beastmen/hybrids were just common occurance. it's not like you didn't have them before you got here, they were just not as common in your past home. though, you've been here for a while, can you even call your old world, home?

if you were being honest, you found a new home with the savanaclaw dorm. despite being a more solitary animai, you found some comfort in the other beastman. though ruggie liked to annoy you in your times of silence, you consider him a good friend. jack was nice, he was awkward at times but he meant well. but you were much more interested in leona.

something about being so similar yet so different attracted you to him. and also the fact that grim was more than willing to let you be friends with leona if it meant free cans of tuna and money.

but you really like the moments you had with leona.

it was an unlucky day really. having to wake up to attend class, terrible. having to drag grim by the scruff to wake up, little brat gets an extra 5 minutes while you have to actually get ready. and then losing grim because... why would he listen to you for more than 5 minutes? sounded more like a normal day than you liked to admit.

"hey. herbivore." he chuffs. while it's typically a nice greeting between your shared kind with leona, you can't help but think it's more teasing than usual.

"i'm in the same family and genus as you. who are you calling herbivore?" you grunted. you bat at his arm once, causing the male to snicker.

"i believe you're looking for an annoying little cat?"

"myah! i'm not a cat!" you hear the familiar squeal of your tiny companion. "i don't want to go to class!" he's hanging by his scruff and being held by leona who's looking over at you in amusement.

"well, you cost us half an attendance mark!" you swipe him from leona's grip, pressing a hand against his cheek. "you can't just do what you please all the time! if i could, i would be sleeping right now!" you huffed. you turn to leona, who was watching you as if it was an interesting tv show, "thanks for finding him. i'm getting sick of chasing him all the time."

"ironic for a jaguar. don't you like the chase, being fast and all?" leona chuckles as you give him a pointed glare.

your arms soon cradle grim properly while your hand stays against the back of grim's neck. the loud cat yowls, "stop grabbing me there! myah!"

you ignore the small cat to answer the big cat, "i'm not that fast!"

he gives you a look, "jack thinks otherwise."

"jack is a wolf, completely different species!" you two bicker. but there's a growing grin on leona's face as you both start walking, grim wrapped up in your arms. "you better not leave this time, grim." he grumbles, eventually stopping his twisting and turning and gets comfortable in your arms. "as i said before, we're from the same genus, so naturally, we're gonna be built similar. but you're a big lazy cat who naps all day. of course you're gonna be slower than me!"

"for someone who is a solitary animal, you sure yap a lot. maybe you should be a chihuahua instead." his pointer and middle finger move to pinch your cheek for a second. "you like to scold me a lot. you're starting to sound like ruggie."

"you like being just as troublesome as grim." with a free hand, you push the side of leona's head.

"hey!" the cat shouts, offended.

"you need to relax a bit. i'm sure you're stressed out, right? grim doesn't really do much to help."

"so mean! and why does my henchman get to rest but i can't?!" grim whines. you shake your head.

"i'm not resting anytime soon. i have a lot to do. mostly just keeping grim in line but... no rest for me yet." you give a weary smile. "maybe later, i'll come by the gardens to see you." you hummed.

he huffs, "get someone else to care for grim. you need rest." you can't even say hi to your friends as leona grabs grim and tosses him to your friends, who are just as confused as you are.

"you didn't have to toss grim like that!" you slap the back of leona's head, "and i'll be fine!" you walk over to the adeuce duo, only to get tugged away again. you're tempted to throw hands as leona continues to have the audacity to try to get you to rest.

"the teachers like you anyways, you can skip one class to rest. we all know how biased crewel is when it comes to you." with enough bickering between you two, you make it to the gardens. the sun is warm against your skin as you huffed.

"do i really need to rest during classes?! i could just sleep after school!"

"do you really want to nap in your dorm, prefect?" he's already laying down on a comfortable spot. you stare at the already sleepy beastman, who only stares back as if to challenge you. it takes about two minutes for you to fold. might as well as this point. you grovel over in defeat as leona smiles smugly at your behavior.

you sort of force your way into his arms and rest your back against his chest, to which he presses his face to your neck. you can hear him chuffing. you can't help but comment, "you're chuffing an awful lot. sounds like you care for me. ack-!" his hand reaches over to your face, pressing his palm under your chin to tilt your head up.

"talking too much for a jaguar." your eyes are forced to stare into his own for a moment before he lets go and gets comfy. "just sleep." his face is buried against your head as he starts to fall asleep.

"well, you never denied it." you snicker as you turn to face him. "i don't know much about lions but something tells me you like me." he opens one eye to look at your cheeky smile.

"yeah, i do." he moves to kiss your forehead, "you're stupider than i thought, you should've figured it out sooner."

you can feel blood rushing to your face as you stammer, "y-you can't just drop that out of nowhere!" it's too late to scold him as he's already asleep.

[matan4il]

Most of the time, I don't bother talking about the hate and harassment I get, because I don't think haters deserve the attention. The person I'm gonna write about definitely doesn't deserve any, but they've started harassing others that I know of, not just me.

So this is basically a warning post for Jewish bloggers and bloggers who are allies to Jews, and a request for anyone who can, to report and block this person (if you want to warn other bloggers, then please consider a reblog, too). @staff, This is also for you, proof of a pattern of harassment and abuse. Please do something and protect your Jewish users and their allies.

They first commented here, denying the antisemitism of Hamas, with the url @grizzlyismyspiritanimal and they seem to change their url quite frequently. For now it's @fancowboy but expect that to change again. Since IDK if Tumblr will let the mention (@'ing their url) hyperlink to their blog, here's how you can check out what their current url is, so you can report and block them. Go to this post where they're tagged as @grizzlyismyspiritanimal and hover your mouse over their url, you'll see their blog pop up no matter what new url they changed to. Here's a screenshot of what that looks like:

Here's their first comment on my post, along with my reply. Tumblr arranges these comments with the oldest at the bottom, click to see the image better:

Of course they never provided a link sourcing their claim, instead they provided a link to an op ed, which was not written by anyone affiliated with Hamas. This link did not support their claim that "Hamas specifically stated," but that didn't stop them from ignoring the fact that they couldn't prove their claim. Next, they repeated an already refuted antisemitic conspiracy theory (and I linked them to a refuting source, which they just ignored), while using strawmen arguments (attacking statements I didn't make). Obviously, none of this addresses the point actually made in the post they were commenting on.

When I called them out on the antisemitism of their whole narrative, they pulled the "I can't be antisemitic, because I'm Jewish" line of defense, while also bragging in the same comment about not going the easy route by doing that:

I no longer believe people who say antisemitic things, and then use this defense, after several have been proven to have lied about being Jewish, but more importantly, and this is the point I made to @fancowboy, Jews are not immune to internalizing antisemitism, and repeating antisemitic narratives. But I was curious whether there was any sign of this person having any sense of a significant Jewish identity on their blog. When I went on there, one of the first posts I came acorss was an antisemitic one, claiming that Jews have stolen the Star of David from the Muslims... I know there are a lot of anti-Zionist Jews out there, and that many of them are very capable of saying antisemitic things, but I don't think even they would endorse this false claim.

What's ironic is that the post shares a screenshot from Wikipedia, which explicitly mentions that this Muslim kingdom that existed in the 13th century AD (roughly 700 years ago), adopted the six-pointed star, due to the Muslim belief that it was a symbol on the ring ("seal") of King Solomon, a Jewish king who lived about 3,000 years ago. In other words, this post literally points out that Muslims borrowed this symbol from Jews, not the other way around. And just for historical interest, the first archeological find of Jews using the Star of David is dated to the 6th century BC (around 2,600 years ago).

I pointed out to @grizzlyismyspiritanimal / @fancowboy that I no longer believe they're Jewish, because I don't believe any Jew would reblog this antisemitic lie. In response, not long after, this "I'm not a coward" and "you would've blocked me (aka fanatic)" person blocked me. Instead of addressing what I said, or taking responsibility for their wrongdoing, and deleting this antisemitic post. Our exchange started on Jan 5 IIRC, this post was reblogged by them on Jan 4, and as of Jan 25 it is still on their blog, as you can see here (post and current date highlighted in this screenshot):

A minute after they blocked me from the above blog, they commented on my pinned post with links to my fandom content from another blog, @verygardenerland and this comment made it clear that it was the same person. I made a mistake, I wanted my fandom space free from antisemitic harassment, so I deleted that comment, which means I don't have that piece of evidence that it's the same person, but I do have another bit of proof. Remember how this person claimed to be Jewish? This is how they presented it:

(again, using a strawmen, I never said all Muslims are terrorists, and never would, because it's simply not true, and if anyone made that claim to me, I would be correcting them)

Well, this is the VERY similar way @verygardenerland talked about their supposed Jewish identity, in a post they made solely to harass and DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) me:

Jews were almost completely ethnically cleansed from Muslim majority countries, so the likelihood of a random online stranger being a Jew from a Muslim country is generally incredibly low to almost non-existent, and two who just so happen to both harass me on my blog one minute apart is probably less statistically likely than winning the lottery.

It's poetic irony that the one comment the above post got from another blogger, is someone else also calling this person out on the antisemitism of what they're saying:

Gotta love the bonus misogyny with "bitch."

I'm also going to offer you this following antisemitic comment (which distorts the Holocaust, and refers to Jews insultingly as "the chosen ones"), which I also don't believe any person with an actual Jewish identity would make:

And here's also one of the last comments this person made from @fancowboy before blocking me on that blog and continuing from @verygardenerland. Just notice how we have the same antisemitic abuse themes from both of these blogs:

Once more, extra touch of misogyny with "that much of a pussy."

(I have to address the white phosphorus claim. There are 2 ways of using it in battle, one legal, the other's not. Israel stated that when using it, that's only in the legal way. There is no record to show the contrary. People just exploit the fact it's used, to pretend it's automatically illegal. But I accept this is an antisemitic libel against the Jewish state, that sadly some Jews might repeat. The rest is what makes me think this person isn't Jewish)

@verygardenerland noticed I write fandom meta, and harassed me on these posts. Here's one example:

Then they searched related tag/s, and proceeded to harass me by calling me names in comments they left on random posts from other fandom members. These are posts that had nothing to do with me. One of the people on whose post they were calling me a Nazi is someone I have never even spoken to. The OP deleted the harassing comment, but this time I did get a screenshot before that, so here it is, as an example:

Now, on top of all of the above, @verygardenerland also started stalking my main blog at the same time they made their first comment from this url, as well as my two back up blogs. One's last post was on Mar 2022, the other's on Apr 2021, so it's completely pointless to follow them, other than as an intimidation tactic:

And they sent me anon hate. The thing is, they made it explicitly clear through what they said and the language they used, that it's them. They sent more than one message, but the one I'll attach here was obviously meant to freak me out the most, because it falsely starts out as a fandom ask, and then transitions into abusive language, as well as telling me there's more blogs they're stalking me from, basically making it clear that even if I block this url, I'll still not be safe from their stalking and abuse:

From a certain point on, I told them that whenever they make a comment to me, all I'll do is just remind them repeatedly that they're an antisemite, which is exactly what I've kept to. That's when I even bothered to respond. I postponed blocking their second blog, 'coz I wanted to put this post together first. Now I'm done with them.

To wrap this up, here are some final screenshots of their antisemitic abuse, how they obsessively comment on my posts, or posts that in their mind are related to me, and how they have started directly addressing random people who are commenting on my posts, telling them not to talk to "it," meaning they're also using de-humanizing language when referring to me, and of course once more employing the DARVO tactic by accusing me of that which they're guilty of:

My activity feed yesterday:

And not just yesterday. Love the bonus hateful language towards those who are disabled...

And this is just one of their comments on a post simply mourning the death of Israeli soldiers, and putting it in the context of multi-generational Jewish trauma:

To summarize again, please:

report and block this person

reblog this post if you feel comfortable to, in order to warn others

@staff please do something to stop the abuse. Thank you in advance!

[gloriousburden]

i found ur blog like yesterday night while i was half asleep searching for idk what tag or user and one of ur takes came up, abt how u find fanfics where he's called daddy ooc and i just really agreed and i found it rare and refreshing that ur like a younger fan/gen z, like me. i was 19 not too long ago and i feel like all the younger loki fans tend to see him as some random dudebro, especially the way they get rid of his archaic manner of speaking, suddenly hes all "gonna" "wanna" lol, i get the ick especially when he says "babe" or "baby"...anyways my point is i rlly like ur acc and ur takes, and im not often on tumblr and kind timid tbh so im now a new anon on here! -nonie (idk what emoji to use for myself ahaaa)

Hi Nonie I love you 💜

Yeah, I’m 18, but I find myself completely disagreeing with a lot of the takes that Loki fans my age make. I find myself agreeing more with older/OG fans, which is why I stick to Tumblr.

That is so fucking true LMFAOOOO. I really can’t stand the way younger Loki fans see him as if he is modern human/a dudebro and not an ancient god based off of Norse Mythology. His ass would NOTTTTTT want to be called daddy. His ass would not call you “baby”/“babe.”

like I really fell in love with Loki because he was so different and was so unique from other characters. What made him stand out? Obviously how well he was written, but.. also how he was played. The way he spoke. The Shakespearean manner… AHHHHHH 😭❤️ he is really the love of my life omg 😞❤️

Younger fans tend to have the worst takes on him ever because I guess he’s one of the first fictional characters they’re getting into, and he’s pretty complex when compared to other characters so you get “Erm. He’s so innocent and never wanted to hurt anyone ever 😞” and “Also guys… he’s 17 and speaks like an anime character..” 😀

Which honestly, I actually don’t get why. I was quite young when I became a Loki fan, and I understood his character even then. Hmm, maybe some of us are just blessed with that ability idk…

I’ve always hated the fanon impression of Loki. Like did we watch the same movies? Please leave Loki alone and find another character if you’re going to mischaracterize him that much. That’s not even Loki anymore. We’ve been blessed with such an interesting and complex character, and people try and make him into something he never was.

Like why is he an Avenger who speaks like an anime character and is a daddy dom WE ARE LOSING THE PLOT! WE HAVE LOST EVERY ASPECT OF THE PLOT!

Whenever I watch any of the movies Loki is in and he speaks in such an archaic manner… AHHH *bursts into tears* he’s just everything to me. I love how he speaks and I understand that it’s hard to write it when compared to a character who speaks in a more modern manner (which tbh is why I don’t really post fics LOL), but you can at least try to keep it a little accurate 😞 AT LEAST HAVE HIM SPEAK LIKE A POSH BRIT RATHER THAN AN AMERICAN!!!

MY SHAKESPEAREAN MELODRAMATIC LOVE OF MY LIFE 😭😭😭😭😭

TikTok is hell. I don’t know if it’s because they’re not as serious about Loki as I and others are, or if it’s because they’re younger, but… the takes that they have on him are horrendous. The headcanons… the ignorance… the taking fanon as canon… the misinformation… confusing OG Loki with TVA Loki…

Loki kind of has the worst fanbase ever, I’m not going to lie.

Also his ass would not listen to Taylor Swift. JUST PUTTING THAT OUT THERE!

[bayetea]

Something that has always intrigued me about Frank/Hazel's dynamic is how interracial marriages were prohibited in Louisiana (and like fifteen other states) until 1967 with the ruling of Loving v. Virginia and how that would have impacted the development of their relationship because that would be such a culture shock for Hazel to experience. Do you have any thoughts on this?

(p.s. loving hippocrene so far, you're probably the best Frazel writer I've seen)

omg yes I think about this allll the time 😩 (and thank you for reading hippocrene I'm so glad you like it!!!) there's so many layers to this and I'm fascinated by it all. I think that in order to find an answer to this there's a lot to unpack first

(tags: frazel, character analysis, rr crit, some camp jupiter analysis, us history and segregation-era racism, canadian racism, anti-black and anti-asian racism, poc interracial dating, and just being candid about race in general idk. also this is very long)

so on one hand hazel isn't new to interracial romance, because she was already kind-of-sort-of "involved" with sammy (who presumably wasn't afro-latino; hazel notes sammy as mexican american in son + says that sammy considered himself colored and indian. you can certainly still headcanon him or leo as afro-latino tho). and the thing with anti-miscegenation laws was that they weren't usually concerned with interracial poc x poc relationships.

they existed to preserve white racial "integrity" (particularly to "protect" white female purity from black men), to prevent black people from achieving the same social status as white people, and to uphold segregationist ideas about the "necessary" separation of the races. you see the echoes of stuff like this in hazel attending a school for "colored kids and indians"; it didn't (usually) matter that children of color from different ethnic backgrounds were intermingling as long as they weren't intermingling with white kids. (there was a 1932 louisiana state code passed that specifically prevented black people and native americans from marrying each other + concubinage, so if sammy did in fact "count" as indian, then they actually wouldn't have been able to get married until loving v. virginia had hazel stayed in the past)

I do think it's important to note that asians (and other races) were often an afterthought in jim crow era racial integrity + segregation laws (as was typically the case in the black-white binary racial system that the us was built on), and furthermore, jim crow policies were not uniform in scope across the us. in some cases, asian americans were lumped in with whites and in other cases they were lumped in with "colored" groups (they were 100% subjected to legal and social discrimination in either case though; in a lot of cases they were specifically excluded from even attaining citizenship). because of that, as far as I can tell, hazel could have hypothetically married someone of asian ancestry in louisiana - but I mean, there were very very few asian americans living in the new orleans during that time period to begin with, so it isn't so unlikely that hazel had never even met an asian person before she died, let alone spared a thought about her ability to marry one

but, hazel did spend 8-9 months at camp jupiter before she met frank (I'm getting that specific number from a line in hoh). these months would've been the biggest time period of culture shock in her life. camp jupiter is essentially a post-racial society as we understand it in hoo (but they've supposedly been stationed in the us for hundreds of years according to hazel in son) and while we don't have racial statistics for camp jupiter, I feel like it's safe to assume that the diversity of this camp and its racially integrated nature would have been absolutely mind-blowing for her (cj doesn't even "segregate" based on godly parent, which hazel expresses gratitude for. hmm interesting)

like can you imagine what the first month at camp must have been like for her??? hazel died before the civil rights movement even started. surely nico debriefed her on what to expect but man... she went from being segregated to living amongst underworld spirits for 70 years to having a white brother and sharing intimate spaces like the roman baths and sleeping barracks in racially integrated social groups. that must have been SUCH a culture shock I can't even imagine (and that's not even touching how things have drastically changed for women. seeing reyna, a woc, running a military camp must've been a whole source of amazement and disbelief in itself)

I bring this up solely to recognize that hazel did have some time (those 8-9 months) to acclimate to being unsegregated and intermingling with kids of different races. so by the time she meets frank (about 3 weeks pre-son, before his 16th birthday) she's probably not shellshocked to meet and befriend an asian guy. still, I think getting into a romantic relationship with one would have provoked some complicated thoughts from her, i.e. how does she relate to frank? she's probably never seen a black/asian relationship before, is it possible to make that work? is that a thing that happens in these modern times? it's not a bad thing to wonder about this stuff! frank grew up in the real world and hazel knows that. camp jupiter is not the real world, something with which she has no significant experience in her second life. I can definitely see her being curious and concerned about how race relations are in the post-2000s west (spoiler: they're not great) particularly between black people and asian people, since she's dating one. like she just doesn't know. how would she know?

going off of that, I would've never expected rick to get into the nuances of a black/asian interracial relationship in the books (nor would I expect him to handle that capably) but I have always considered it bad character writing to introduce a fascinating character like hazel, an undead time traveling black demigod from the jim crow south, and offer soooo little racial observations in her povs. hazel cannot be a character who doesn't think about race. she can't be a character who isn't hyperconscious of the things that makes her different or less than because her character is built around her countless experiences of being and feeling othered. she was othered by a white segregationist society in the 1930s (she literally had to sneak around with sammy at the "whites only" riding club), she was othered by members of her own race due to her mother's reputation as an evil witch, she feels othered as a girl from the past living in modern camp jupiter, and she feels othered as a resurrected girl amongst the living. and the crazy thing is that the books (specifically son of neptune) acknowledge all of these emotional complexities except for the most obvious one: hazel almost never thinks about race in her povs??? (or gender for that matter)

even after spending 9 months at camp jupiter, you would think that she would constantly be feeling some type of way about being around white people after growing up segregated (or even some relief that things in the present are better than they were in the past). you would think that she would be so alert with feelings of double consciousness (look up this term if you don't know what it means) but the most we ever really see from her is this:

we see hazel get mad that the amazons keep slaves (except they don't keep slaves it's like. a consensual bdsm thing. like it's literally bdsm according to kinzie there's no other way to interpret them in a way that doesn't suggest some kind of abuse. ok rick thanks for throwing that in there)

she expressed disbelief that "this rich white man is her father" irt seeing pluto for the first time (who apparently looks just like hitler. again thanks for that rick)

when she finds out that romans fought for the confederates in moa she says to jason's face: "as a girl whose grandmother was a slave, can I just say... not cool?" (I HATE this line lmfao I wish I could throw a tomato at rick for this) and then he has an incredibly awkward "not all white people" moment. I love jason to death but it was so awkward it made me sob. and then this whole thing about the confederates goes nowhere

I mean that's pretty much it where hoo is concerned. she referred to nico as a skinny white boy once and that was funny (but very inconsequential)

I always got the sense while reading the books that rick was extremely hesitant to get into this stuff for fear of doing something "wrong", but the consequence of such reservation is that he made his character, a black girl from the jim crow era, appear to view the modern world through a largely colorblind lens, and that just doesn't make any sense whatsoever for a girl who would have grown up seeing signs like "whites only" and "coloreds served in rear" everywhere she went as constant reminders that the world considers her subhuman (and isn't it crazy that she still died to save such a horrible world?). so when it comes to digging real deep into hazel's character you really have to fill in the blanks that the books don't provide (she has the 2nd fewest povs of the prophecy 7 which doesn't help)

SO. in context of alllll of those layers - what I mean to express is that even though you don't see this in the books, realistically, hazel must be well-aware of frank's racial (and cultural) differences from her. is she shocked/intimidated by the idea of being with an asian guy due to all of her experiences? my anticlimactic answer is... probably a little bit? really though, I think any potential shock on her end is subdued by the fact that frank is a fellow poc, and the primary obstacle to their relationship during hazel's first life would've been shunning and ostracization (and as said previously, she was already shunned and ostracized by her community because of her mom so. same old same old).

I will say that if hazel were dating a white person then THAT would probably yield sooooo much more conflict on her side of things (and if anyone is wondering: no, that doesn't make her racist. one can't expect a black girl from the jim crow era to not be sensitive to such things). if you're a person who ships hazel with any white characters then that could definitely be an interesting subject to explore, just try to approach that kind of matter with lots of empathy for someone of her background

I think part of it is also just the ease of being with frank. he's not intimidating. he may be older than her (by <2 years. pls let's kill the age gap misinfo in 2025) but he's a bumbling probatio dependent on her for guidance and companionship for his first few weeks in the legion. the boy is very sweet and very endearing. so while I'm sure hazel felt a little confused about a romance with a chinese boy initially I think it must have also been pretty clear within the first week of knowing him that like.... he's just a guy lmao like he's just a teddybear and he's so approachable, there's nothing to be worried about

and we could ask the question of how frank feels to be dating a black girl too, but I don't think there's nearly as much complication on his side of things because he's not from the jim crow era lol. he just really really really likes hazel (that boy is downbad horrendous from the get go). while it's not uncommon for families to pressure their children to marry within their own ethnic group, I truly can't imagine emily zhang putting such ideas into frank's head (and as I discussed in this post I made recently about the complications of frazel having kids, frank grew up not really invested in his own heritage to begin with). he's also canadian not american and I'm sure hazel doesn't know jack about canada but she would have cared enough to learn more about where he comes from early in their knowing each other

maybe before they were dating, frank would've had some concerns like "is she even into asian guys?" (very common thing for poc to worry about when they have a crush on someone of a different race). I think he just tries to be sensitive to the fact that she's from a different time - I totally see them having funny awkward conversations like "when I was a kid I almost drowned in a public pool" "when I was a kid I wasn't allowed to swim in the public pools" "... oh. I'm so sorry" LMAO. like he might feel like he has to walk on eggshells when it comes to hazel's experiences with racism in the 1930s because it's (understandably) very hard to talk about this stuff; his own experiences with racism are going to be very different from her own, and I imagine him perhaps feeling like it's hard to talk about those experiences with her because he might feel like they're so insignificant compared to her own (canada/vancouver, where frank grew up as a fourth-generation immigrant, does have a long legacy of anti-chinese racism, and this article from the guardian described the city as "the anti-asian hate crime capital of north america" during covid. that the zhangs are described as "one of the wealthiest chinese families in vancouver" doesn't erase the fact that they were living in an area that has specifically hated and discriminated against chinese people for a long long time).

allll of that said though, I don't think frank actually thinks about their different races so much. like idk maybe their wildly different hair textures are a source of fascination/appreciation, but otherwise I think their racial differences are generally unnoticed by him. this is a good thing but colorblindness can also be a bad thing sometimes. nuance or whatever

another kind of funny (and sad) thing is that frank and hazel both just have no real surviving family (I know nico is hazel's family + frank probably has mars siblings at camp but that's not what I'm talking about), and one of the biggest worries that interracial couples tend to have is how they're going to bridge the cultural gap between their families (or deal with racist family members) but marie is dead and emily is dead and grandma zhang is (presumably) dead so crisis averted lmao /j

the last thing I'll take note of is that interracial couples do face unique struggles that monoracial couples don't, that's just a fact. they get stared at in public more, they get harassed on the street, people say weird shit about what their babies will look like, they might get called a traitor by their own race, they have to prepare themselves for the unique challenges of raising mixed race kids (if they ever even want kids), etc etc etc. and yes, there are lots of people out there who still hate interracial relationships (as recently as the year 2000, 40% of alabama voters voted against repealing the 1902 statute that forbade interracial marriage. consider this in context of hoo taking place in 2009-the 2010s) it's all complicated and it's sometimes very uncomfortable. but I mean, so is everything else about hazel's life

and frazel is probably safe and fine as long as they're choosing to stay in camp jupiter/new rome instead of the real world, which again is presented in its current state as a kind of post-racial independent demigod society (they do have some weird obsessions with legacy-building and generational prestige though, and grandma zhang did seem to indicate that romans had an anti-chinese racist history irt frank's ancestor, hence why she wasn't sure if attitudes had changed during frank's lifetime. I do have to wonder about the presence of potentially bigoted lares at camp tho lol). can't say I actually buy cj as a race-blind utopia in the present day considering their history but again, I think that's what the books want us to believe. that frank and hazel, a chinese-african american couple, are co-praetors in toa (I never liked hazel becoming a praetor as a writing choice but w/e I don't care) of a place with a yucky racist history like camp jupiter, is almost kind of poetic justice I guess?

I hope all of that makes sense, and again I'm really glad that you like hippocrene!! if you're interested in this subject and remember this little tidbit from ch7:

then I'll just say that that uncomfortable subject will come up a little bit more between them in upcoming chapters because I think it's very interesting and worthwhile to talk about 😌 thank you for reading!!!

[vidavalor]

A handful of GO/food-related thoughts (66% of which came to me in insomniac semi-sapience at 3am):

1) Would the Ineffable Husbands eat burritos, and what might 'burrito' refer to in their coded language?

2) The rice in sushi is functionally analogous to the bread in a sandwich and now I am flailing about potential implications in relation to your Bread meta

3) You remember the bit in the book about one of the Other Four Bikers disliking anchovies and/or olives on pizza? There's an actual French dish a bit like that! It's called 'pissaladière' (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pissaladi%C3%A8re), it's from the south of France (Nice/Provence sort of area) and it's actually rather yummy! (I made it for supper tonight ^_^) Granted, anchovies can be a bit of an acquired taste

Hi @jotun-philosopher The most sapient thoughts sometimes come in the insomniac semi-sapience at 3am, I find. What cool questions! Some fun with food, sexual euphemisms, and etymology for you. 💕

Burritos: What's extra Good Omens-y about this question, imo, is that "burrito" comes from the Spanish "burro", which means "donkey", so, a burrito is actually a "little donkey" and, by that measure alone, I will say odds are solid that the Ineffable Husbands have eaten burritos lol. That and they've been around forever and have probably eaten most things and burritos are so, so good... You might reasonably ask 'why the fuck is this delicious food named after donkeys?' and the answer is that it's thought to be because a burrito can and does hold so many different kinds of ingredients that it's kind of a "workhorse" of food. It handles so much at once by bringing in so many different nutrients and tastes that it's akin to the "workhorse" of animals, which is a donkey. The show also already aligns Aziraphale with donkeys and actually did so again pretty recently with Shax referring to Aziraphale as an ass and then that the elevator is in the doorway to the pub The Dirty Donkey (which I think we can all agree Crowley named? 😉).

[@procrastiel I saw your tags in my other, more depressing post about Aziraphale & The Dirty Donkey-- I was going for the above, not the more horrifying option. I'm sure you'll be relieved. 🤣]

As for food symbolism in burritos, there's just so many different ingredients, idk... I think they'd make innuendo out of what's ordered to be in the burrito on any given day. I can't imagine one of them not making a hot sauce reference, since sauce and its variety of meanings is a very Ineffable Husbands word and they've used it before in different ways ("gravlax in dill sauce"; "you dip it in soy sauce").

Sushi and Bread: You're right about the rice in sushi being functionally analogous to bread in that it's the starch but I think it's actually the nori or leaves used to wrap the sushi that is technically "the bread" of sushi. (So, on top of there being fish in the sushi, the "bread" is actually seaweed in 1.01... mmm🐟. 😉) But your point that sushi can be seen as a sandwich of sorts? Yes, totally. A sandwich being food between two or more slices of bread (or a stand in for bread that serves the purpose of containing the filling). A person then euphemistically tied to bread is then a person who is a participant in partnered sex. Mrs. Sandwich is "Mrs. Sandwich" because she "makes sandwiches" for other people-- she allocates slices of bread to one another.

The bread itself that has been mentioned so far is also interesting from an euphemistic standpoint. Besides the brioche looked at in Crepes, there's sourdough (mentioned in Lockdown as the only bread that Aziraphale has baked and, um, "has baked" in the last few days) and there's also the first mention of bread in the series... which is from God 😂 when she codes Crowley as black bread in 1.01. The joke there likely being that both sourdough and black bread are examples of the kinds of bread that are made through a process of fermentation-- the same way that alcohol is made-- reiterating alcohol and bread as euphemistic for sex.

Pissaladiere: Thank you for reminding me of it-- it's been ages since I had it and it's very spring. Might need to make one soon. Glad yours was delicious! Just a warning, though: I think Crowley would make you disappear if you ever tried to serve Aziraphale a pissaladiere, though. A French fish-topped tart? There's nary a more Ineffable Husbands dish in existence lol. Pissaladiere rooted from the Latin piscis, meaning "fish" and it reminds me of some wordplay in the show in Aziraphale's entry in 'The Demon's Guide...' that Furfur had in 1941.

The obvious joke with the entries in the guide is that they're supposed to be about angels from the demonic perspective and have to use language that is negative to describe these angels but... this just means it's an excuse for Crowley and Aziraphale to get their 'wily'/'smitten', etc. on and use words that have different, contradictory definitions. Everything in Aziraphale's entry-- that we all agree was written by Crowley (and in what we are shown of the Baraqiel one, that feels very 'written by Aziraphale')-- is actually complimentary or referencing their relationship in the fuller meanings of the words used under the negative connotation on the surface.

One of the descriptive details listed for Aziraphale is "suspishous ears", with an intentional misspelling of "suspicious" to look demonic, right? One of the parts of the wordplay there is that the misspelling is done so as to now include the word "pish"-- a bit of a Crowley & Aziraphale wily/smitten-type of word on a few different levels.

To say something is "pish" is to say that it's something you disagree with and/or that it is disgusting and it took on that meaning largely from being Scottish slang for urine (as it's a near-homophone for "piss"... see also, the British phrase "to take the piss (out of [x])" being to roast someone or something.) This is the negative connotation on the surface but where this is relevant to Crowley and Aziraphale is in the etymology of "pish"...

The word actually formed in the English language as onomatopoeia (words that are formed out of sounds like, among some of Crowley's other mentioned favorites in the show, "frou frou" and "whoop.") Out of what sounds, you ask? The "psshshsh" noises ornithologists and others make to attract small birds.

It's also thought to originate about equally with the bird-attracting sounds from "la peche"... which you'll be unsurprised to learn is the French word for fish.

In Mohegan-Pequot, spoken by the indigenous people of my neck of the woods in New England, and in a couple of other languages, use of "pish" is actually rooted from the English peas.

To have "suspicious ears"-- with "suspicious" spelled correctly-- is to be cautious about who you trust. "Suspishus ears", built to include "pish", then references fish, peas, and nightingales at once and would then be calling Aziraphale a good partner who listens.

A communication breakdown, though-- not listening-- also being a theme in S2 and its "I don't think your exactlys are my exactlys"/"aim for my mouth but shoot past my ear"/"no nightingales" misery...

[melkor-did-nothing-wrong]

hi!! i read your tags on your latest rb (the one about the angbang child) and idk if you posted about it in the past but i would love to hear more!! i also have my own hcs and im always interested in hearing other peoples ideas <3

(from what i read in your tags, if you dont feel comfortable talking about this, i understand, or if youd prefer, my dms are always open if you dont wanna reply publicly to this)

Ok I am going to start by apologizing for taking a long time to answer, as well as thanking you for sending the ask in the first place. I still don't know if I should answer this publicly, but after years of either being told off for it being "boring" or "not canon" or "ooc" or even seeing people leaving the conversations on read every time I mention angbang with a baby of their own, I really really do want to yap while having the opportunity of saying: "well, as you can see, someone asked, so I'm just answering! clearly that's for the asker!". So thanks for the opportunity and the encouragement. I'm going to put these events/developments in a numbered list, so you'll have an easier time asking me to elaborate on anything specific later on if you so choose. They're not perfectly coherent but it is what it is, you know?

(Also: People who think the whole concept is bad or cringe, don't interact with this post. I've been hearing this for years but if y'all are allowed to make your own fankids for literally every other ship ever, then so am I!)

First of all, I'm gonna be using terms like "having a baby" but I want to clarify it's actually weirder (and arguably sillier, depending on who you ask) than that. I am not talking about developing another person's body to birth here. I am talking about developing another spirit or soul, which will only get a body when the whole process is done. I am just using terms that will be familiar to us as people even if the process isn't identical (the same way people would sometimes talk about birds or reptiles being "born" even when everyone collectively knows they just hatch from an egg).

So obviously at the end of the WoW, the army of valinor comes over to arrest Melkor and drag him through the doors of night

Melkor immediately throws his hands up like "Nope, you guys really shouldn't kill me. I'm going to have a baby and it'd be incredibly rude of you to kill me given the circumstance"

Exhausted collective sighs. Obviously that's typical Melkor BS so we're not gonna believe that, but I suppose disproving it publicly back at home and putting an end to the bs will not be a huge amount of time wasted. whatever.

Yeah sure ok Melkor whatever you say. we can drag you back west to officially call the bluff and get rid of you there.

Drag Melkor back. Whatever. just end this farce please.

Wait. Wait what the fuck. What the fuck do you mean there actually IS a baby??? HUH???????? How come???? WHY?????

Ok fine whatever UGH you are SO annoying. Fine. you can stay in jail until you have it and we'll kill you AFTER. Whatever.

Manwe is just. Trying to ask Melkor wtf is going on. Melkor, who is having a very very bad time in prison, predictably tells his brother to flock off.

Meanwhile, Mairon, who has just learned of that development, sighs and makes an effort to get to Valinor to drag his annoying (but beloved) hubby out of there.

Shortly after Melkor has the baby and manages to configure a physical form for him, Mairon commits a few acts of terrorism around as a distraction, then shows up in front of Melkor in dragon form like "Get on, we're leaving".

They make it east, and have to start living on the run from place to place out of fear of being pursued, as well as trying to find any remaining allies.

Eventually when they realize there are most likely no immediate plans of attack or attempts to retrieve them, Melkor and Mairon decide to temporarily settle near a settlement of humans who were on Melkor's side in the war, partially because they won't be kicked out by allies and partially in hopes of discouraging Manwe from ordering any attacks due to the fear of human casualties.

What follows is a lot of trial and error in raising what is essentially an immortal Ainu who is both completely new to this world but is simultaneously technically an ancient spirit who has partial knowledge of all things but can't make sense of them.

Another part of the life they build raising a kid is Melkor having to deal with the personal trauma of basically everything and everyone else being gone- it's a significant struggle for him to go from doing whatever he wanted pretty much consequence free, while having the support of his entire court, to just sitting here with Mairon and the baby, just the three of them. He genuinely thought it would happen sooner, that their son would grow up a prince, safe as can be, surrounded by friends and be as adored by all as he himself was. Unfortunately that was not the case, and now he has to raise him very differently while knowing he'll never meet any of the people Melkor had called friends or had any sort of fondness for. You know. Because they're all dead and it's mostly his own fault.

Mairon on the other hand is less affected by it all that much. He always liked being alone just fine, he isn't exactly a huge fan of big crowds. It's difficult for him too, starting over somewhere new and knowing all the people he knew are dead, and also having to keep in mind that he might have to hop around every so often to evade his weird immortal ex-employers, but if there's anything that mf can do is dodge taxes. You're never gonna Al-Capone him. Ever. Can't put him in jail if you can't find him etc. And he's very good at not being found. He's also mostly okay with not being bothered as much. He has his own thoughts on the matter but he doesn't have the time to be an angstlord because now he's got to watch out for double the troublemaking chaotic Ainur and has to make an effort to prevent them from getting into too much trouble. Honestly it's not that different from runing a fortress, in terms of how busy he gets, if you ask him. Anyway he is very fascinated by the baby because unlike Valar (Melkor and Manwe, Yavanna and Vana, Nienna Namo and Irmo, Nessa and Orome…) Maiar are not created in sets of siblings, so Mairon is familiar in theory, but not familiar in practice, with the idea of a family unit. He doesn't entirely understand what it's like to have a connection with someone that runs this deep but he's absolutely fascinated by this little family of his.

Considering how Melkor is "No longer counted among the Valar" specifically, and considering the original plan was 15 Valar, I like to think of the kid as the Vala who will eventually gain the role of replacing Melkor. To that end, I needed an aspect for him to embody that is at least slightly similar to how I view Melkor (as an aspect of change and transformation), as something that can be associated with the creative process like Mairon, and as a bonus, something that Tolkien himself would consider at least a little bit negative. In the end I have decided to settle on that thing being Technology. It can be used creatively to innovate and streamline tedious or difficult processes, but can also be used for evil/selfish ends (especially these days…)

Last but not least, because I can't stress this enough - just because I prefer Melkor and Mairon to be loving partners to eachother and loving parents to their son, that does NOT mean they're suddenly "good" or "kind" or "redeemed" or any of the thousand other words used to describe either post first age Mairon or post fourth/whichever age Melkor. I am not opposed to the idea in general, in fact not only do I get the appeal, I even love it because I love reading about these evil little feral creatures being happy together. but to me personally just because they love their own boy and are cordial to allies who were dying for their cause during the recent war in this specific AU, it doesn't mean they're suddenly going to be good and nice and friendly towards any and every person they come across in the rest of it. In other AUs, sure, in other projects written by other people, absolutely, in other nonsense written by me, even, yeah absolutely I'll allow them to be nice. But here specifically they're still annoying evil disaster creatures who might kill any mortal for the heck of it just to see what happens. They just do it less often because they don't have a thousand Umaiar, ten thousand Orcs and a hundred dragons to back them up this time. So if they do the killing they'll have to face consequences this time, and they really wouldn't like that, so they play nice for the sake of, you know, not being murdered in their outnumbered, outmatched current state lmao.

[midwestemoismid]

Do you ever love a character so much you sorta steal your entire personality from them,,

<autism rant>

Cuz like I'm obsessed with Nicole from class of '09, if sorta stolen my whole humor from her, Which isn't really a good thing because shes kinda a piece of shit, the game revolves around her being a horrible person or trying to kill herself or something like that, I'm not like as mentally ill as her, but my humor has evolved to be similar to Nicole and ive sorta had this not care attitude. I've also been really jokingly mean to one of my best friends (he knows its a joke, thats our humor) but I accidentally did that to my little brother and felt SO bad lmao,, (he said something very obviously and I loudly go "yeah no fucking shit bitch" then started apologizing profusely) This other time I was playing blooket w/ that same friend and I did something that made him eat a fake burger and I went really loud "have this fucking burger you fat ass bitch" and hje just stared at me like wtf,, and the other person on the call (who I just met) was SHOCKED.

i'm not a bad person,, hes okay with me making those jokes btw

well im sorta a bad person but i'm working on that

i sorta hate having obsessions over character because i want to BE THEM. and it sucks even more when theyre a horrible person--and when theyre a girl,, cuz like i want to de-transition and become a terrible person and chane my name to Nicole WHAT THE FUCK WHY I DONT KNOW and like i had an alt acc on tiktok where i used she/her and named myself nicole and it was like a class of 09 fanpage sorta. and like i dont wanna be a bad person nor do i wanna hurt people feelings or be addicted to drugs AT ALL but like NICOLE🙏🙏🙏

this always happens when i have some sort of obsession. i dont typically have favorites but when i do its like an obsession

and like one other problem with being obsessed with nicole is i accidentally obsess over mental illness and (stuff i shouldnt obsess over), wich is really bad and unhealthy.

I gain little obsessions over certain things, like right now im REALLY obsessed with a game called "bad parenting" and it's a really really sad game. I wont spoil it but its genuinelly depressing and made me cry. after i saw it i wanted to hug my dad and tell him i loved him for being a good dad. ive been listening to the backround song on repeat for a bit, i might even draw fanart of it idk,, but i feel like i shouldnt be hyper obsessed with it

as a kid i also was really obsessed with "salad fingers" wich had a sadish theme to it, i kinda forget the plot but i thought it was interesting and how the main charecter was kinda messed up.

I also really like "little miss fortune" wich was also really sad. again i dont remember the plot my childhood is sorta a blur and i dont remember it well

"Sally face" is another sad game i liked. not gonna spoilt it but i loved the supernatural bit and there was a lot of death.

I also really love horror movies, ESPECIALLY horror movies that go into psychology. Like for example, saw is pretty interesting because its cool to see if people would rather cut of an arm or die. I know it's fake but it's still really cool.

Theres a lot i find interesting but i dont wanna sound like im actually insane lol

This ran went in so many placed i forgot what the original post was about😭 took me abt 2 and 1/2 class period to wright

If you read this all, thanks! If you relate reblog or comment (or make a new post and tag me) and tell me what charecter you relate to/obsess over

[venuscrashed]

Hi there!

Can I maybe get some Hc of the demon brothers with a male Alastor (from Hazbin hotel) like reader (maybe reader is a demon, but not from the devildom, but from actual hell?) Kinda want to keep this short, so here= Reader always has his staff/mic thing with him- no matter where he is. Reader basically always wears old-fashioned suits, has Alastor's sharpish teeth, and is basically always smiling (like Alastor does). How would the demon brothers react to first meeting reader? What would they think of reader at first? How would they act towards reader at first/and after they became friends (or dating, either is fine c:)? Sorry if this is long. I hope ur having a nice day/noon/night :]

low key never watched the show so sorry about that

word count: 1k (total)

warnings: death mentioned in Belphies part, it sucks, literally pulled this out from the back of my closet, gn reader, tags are to reach a wider audience btw

Lucifer: He actually didn’t know what you looked like considering you stuck to the radio. It worried him but nonetheless he was intrigued by your style. The old fashion suits and the staff reminded him of how humans were before he fell. He was also captivated because he could fell the pride in you, your ego was never shown but he could sense the way you felt superior around others. After you become friends he mainly sticks to his office but does hang out with you from time to time. Whether it’s buying you more suits, because you guys basically have the same style, or are off doing stuff for others. Once you guys date he is so smug and your guys superiority complex combined tires out everyone. Even Diavolo is leaving the room when you two are together. 

Mammon: Was absolutely disappointed when he heard he had to babysit you but when he saw you… Thought you were made of money when he first saw you. The old, EXPENSIVE, suit and the staff…there were dollar signs in his eyes. He would be sucking up to you all for that credit card. That smile did creep him out though…He’d get so greedy from just your attention. Is absolutely smitten once you two become friends. Plus, he uses that as an excuse to steal your mic and basically scream in it for hours. Once you start dating, oh god is he flustered. Like “yeah that's my rich, expensive human. Yeah they smile weirdly but it makes me weak in the knees” Is always begging for some money, if you can buy those suits you can spare a couple hundred thousand grimm right?

Levi: Was absolutely disappointed when he had to be there. He was playing games the whole time but once he saw you he was shocked. You lowkey reminded him of this rich dude that wanted to be a detective in this anime but more creepy like, you know? Would absolutely avoid you though, you’re creepy alright. That smile just sends shivers down his spine. Once you become friends he would absolutely be jealous about the size of the crowd you bring in. Why are you so charming? Would also absolutely use your mic for his gaming sessions if his broke and didn’t come within the 15 minutes he ordered it. Once you start dating he would convince you to cosplay with him. He finds some duo or couple that has similar fashion to you and he would just buy(steal) the outfit from you.

Satan: Why was he here again? Oh right he was forced to, much to his dismay. Out of all of the exchange students there(since he most likely never met Simeon, right? idk) you were the most interesting. You remind him of the one of the detectives in his books with that outfit. He tried to impress you when you two first met, can’t have you looking down on him now. I also feel like he would actually like your big smile. Once you two are friends he steals your mic to go and prank Lucifer. 9/10 times he also stole a piece from your wardrobe. When you guys are dating people also steer clear of you two. Since you’re always attached at the hip, nobody stays near you. Scary dog energy from the both of you. He’s the “run if he starts smiling" type and you're the “run if they stop smiling” type.

Asmo: Really just wanted to see the new human exchange students. Was drawn towards you. The style, the staff, the smile, everything. Would absolutely try to charm you and when he fails it actually hurts him. Even before you guys are friends he would steal your clothes. For the “aesthetic” you know? Once you guys are friends he tries and gets your dental routine, he’s lowkey jealous about how white there are and pointy. He’s always hanging off of you and swearing you’ll protect him. When your in his room he’ll steal the mic and start “serenading” you with whatever song. When you guys date he is so in love. Never shutting up about you and Always bragging about you to his two brothers. “And they are so good looking” “We know asmo” “Their smile is amazing” “We know Asmo” “And their eyes…” “We live with them to Asmo”

Beel: What should he have for lunch today? Was staring at you the whole time they were explaining where you were and why. No thoughts behind those eyes type of look. Likes your style, also reminds him of how humans used to be which also reminds him of his sister. If he ever got crumbs on your suit he would feel so bad. “I’ll get it dry cleaned” “Beel it’s fine” “No” He would stop eating around you just to keep the suit clean. Once your friends though he does start eating but is careful. He will always hold it against himself. I’m convinced he tried to eat the mic at one point when he was tired and delirious. When you two start dating he focuses on your teeth more. He has sharp teeth too, but yours are better. Smiles when you smile and gets all giddy when he sees.

Belphie: Was in the attic being delulu again, what else is there to do? When he saw you through the door he was like “you gotta be kidding me” He likes the style, looks too much like Lucifers, although you wear it better. When he kills you he feels bad, obviously. “Can I buy you a new suit” “It’s fine Belphie” “Let me buy you a new suit” “I said it’s fine” “I’m buying you a new suit” Once you two are friends he steals your mic. Gets someone to scream to annoy Lucifer. Pulls so many pranks with it that he gets banned from it. Sees that smile in his nightmares, considering that was the last thing he saw before you died. It’s unfortunate that that's your permanent face too. When you two are dating he feels a bit better about it. Would wear your clothes but they are not sleep worthy, even though he can sleep in anything. Somehow the pranks get ten times worse when you two are dating, it’s a mystery what this man does. 

[system-of-a-feather]

@hiraetheanine asked in the comments of a post for some pointers on Final Fusion and I felt it'd be better to make a post here; @hiiragi7 @subsystems @theorionissystem (<- i forget what late stage recovery you guys are at) tagging in case yall have two cents to throw in

---

Largely I did want to say first and foremost two things.

1) this is me just writing off the top of my head a few things that come to mind so I'm not putting an extreme amount of thought and/or formality into this

and

2) recovery, fusion, DID and all that is always a very individualistic experience and recovery journey so while there are things I say here that can be helpful, this is based on how it worked for me and may not be the same for you (could even be entirely different!); its 100% best to just kind of follow your experiences where they take you ideally with a therapist to help

With that out of the way, I think when it comes to seeking final fusion - or as I prefer to call it "full integration / a state of being fully integrated / full fusion" since I really dislike the connotation of the word "final" - it's kind of best to not really SEEK it out too much.

By that I mean that I found that whenever I "tried to fuse and integrate because I want final fusion" I found that I actually made slower progress and arguably - at some points - reverse progress in the sense I became more dissociative and had more conflicts with parts. Maybe its the Buddhist in me, but I find that fusion is one of those things that is actually deceivingly simple and natural and as a result, actively chasing or seeking it out tends to make it more complicated as you start to have to deal with what you Think Fusion Is rather than just simply experiencing it.

I think the best way to kind of progress with integration and fusion is largely to just kind of throw out a lot of notions of late stage recovery other than a "that would be a nice result" and just focus on learning about yourselves, building relationships with yourselves, and developing hobbies and interests that parts can engage with together. The level of which parts are connected, integrated, and/or fused tends to just kind of come along the journey of building a very strong, very firm, and supportive relationship with your parts.

I think a lot of people think of final fusion as this phenomenon where parts disappear and a new person is formed - and while that might be the way it is for some people - for me its a lot more like slowly becoming co-con with another part so much to the point you don't have to explicitly internally talk to be on the same page and experience things together.

In that sense, I think focusing too much on what parts are doing what and where they are in the stage of fusion can really kind of "backtrack" the fusion (Which! Is not bad! Sometimes fusions don't work the best and don't work well for the situation and its better to say 'yeah no this isn't working' and backtrack. I 100% support undoing fusions if they don't work and we've done is SEVERAL times on the way to where we are now; undoing a fusion also doesn't mean final fusion is impossible; it just means those two as they are are likely not the best combo).

It's honestly really just as simple as just kind of learning to love, care, support, share, and enjoy life with your parts and the more universal that support, love, and care is throughout the system, the more integrated and possibly fused you'll find yourselves becoming.

It really wasn't this sudden night or day phenomenon for me as much as it was a realization that I really didn't cling or see myself much as any specific part and that most of the time, the days I did identify as primarily a specific part (let alone ONLY as a specific part) became the odd days whereas me just being "me and all the parts around idk" became the norm.

I dunno, I guess its kind of a non answer but I just kind of used this as an open mic to ramble. I'd love to answer some specific questions since its honestly a large topic and theres no way I could reasonably come up with ever little aspect of how this happened and things that helped / caused issue in it all

[lokigodofaces]

Okay so in reference to my additions on this post, I have brainstormed some ideas for different Asgardian anatomy with the help of my best friend, a MA that knows way more about anatomy than I do. Plus some others that I came up with later. (Tagging @gloriousburden because I feel obligated to since there are some of your posts linked here as well as @francisbegbieslefttit to let you see the new developments)

Asgardians have 2+ livers. We know from canon that Asgardian alcohol is way stronger than ours. And usually I see this interpreted as Asgard having super special strong alcohol but Asgardians are super special strong so only they can handle it. Which I mean, that isn't wrong. But how about we come up with an idea explaining this via their biology. Thus having multiple livers that helps them process the alcohol better than we can. So if they want to get drunk, they need strong stuff. Unless they drank a ridiculous amount of human alcohol, they would be fine. Also, historically wines and beers have been made without high alcohol concentration. Basically the process behind making alcohol cleans water as well so people so it was safer to have an alcoholic beverage. So what if human's alcohol is basically like that to Asgardians? I'm sure Asgard has purified water by now, but maybe a cultural thing that stuck was the low concentration drinks?

Asgardians have an extra organ/slightly different than our organ used for magic stuff. Okay, so I haven't nailed exactly how it would work. But an organ would explain why Asgardians could use magic and not most humans. Though as I'm typing this I think having an organ existing in humans but different could be interesting because what if that's not unique to Asgardians? What if humans can have magic-allowing organs as well but not the technology to determine that? But people like Stephen and Wanda are biologically different in that sense? I like that idea. But yeah. Biological reason behind why not everyone does magic. But also it's not immediate. Best comparison I have is with singing. Professional singers train their lungs and throat in order to sing as well as they do. And we all should have roughly equal potential to sing at a professional level biologically but must don't have the voice training to get their body to produce sound like that. Same idea with magic organ. If you never practice with it, you might get some little stuff going on but nothing compared to a trained sorcerer, and lots of humans probably never noticed it or were seen as superstitious. But give them some training and bam. Magic. But on Asgard there's the added benefit of knowing this exists so people can actually train for it if they want to. Still not the majority of people (Odin, Frigga, Loki, Thor, Heimdall, and Lorelei are the only ones shown to perform magic) but some.

Mentioned it on another post on menstruation on Asgard. There's potentially some sexist stuff going on with reproductive health like access to birth control. I get the vibe it might be a thing. But idk. But their medicine seems to be so good that they have ways to treat menstrual cramps and other concerns that's accessible. They seem to have medicine good enough to treat things, so why not treat it? Then Asgardians come to Earth and find out that's there's lots of treatment options here. That's good! But wait for it! There's this weird culture in multiple places that it's normal to suffer on a period! It's supposedly normal to struggle to walk or get out of bed! And no one treats it! To which all Asgardians are just confused as to why people are suffering despite treatment existing and being relatively easy to get a hold of in some places. And this has been my PSA that suffering isn't normal during a period. Also there's more listed on that post, but that's the thing that stands out the most to me.

Also there's the appendix thing mentioned in mentioned post. Basically, it's kinda weird that humans have an organ that isn't used but when infected is fatal unless surgically removed. What sort of nightmare anatomy is that?

Also Asgardians having absolutely no idea how fast humans develop. They know the life expectancy is around 80, but not when different stages begin. When does adulthood start? Who knows? But it's the same with humans and Asgardians. When does adulthood start? Who knows? Now imagine an Asgardian having a child with a human. No one knows what gonna happen with this kid.

Also what about puberty? When does it start? What changes are there? We can assume some are the same, like we don't see any little Asgardian children with beards. Along with that, I bet Loki had some weird experiences growing up (puberty and otherwise) due to being Jotun. But he's gaslit by his parents as being "an uncommon but not unusual rate of development" or "an imbalance of hormones" or something like that. Or even being told it was a result of him not doing something right. "Means you're not eating well enough" "you must not have enough physical activity" "magic can mess with your health at this age" "stop eating this" "start drinking this" or whatever else. Then he has to like have some weird diet and work out or whatever until it resolves over time.

Okay Asgardians have got to be allergic to something on Earth. What is it? Also humans allergic to Asgardian stuff. Or wait. What about a human allergic to Asgardians or vice versa?!

I talked about it before, but Asgardians triggering the uncanny valley. Post also talks about Asgardians smelling differently & other subtle differences there could be. I also had another post I can't find rn about the uncanny valley. Basically it questioned why humans evolved to have that and how that might've been a means to determine who was human and who was alien.

Okay what about Asgardians being impressed by some human sports that value traits Asgardians see as inferior? Like I dunno, gymnastics because they're all short but that is helpful in gymnastics or something like that. Not to mention wheelchair basketball and other Paralympic sports. I have a feeling ableism is a problem on Asgard. And also a really strict idea of conventional attractiveness.

These are just some, feel free to add on other ideas. I just think it's unfortunate when fanfiction or even the creators themselves forget that Asgardians aren't just strong humans with a longer life expectancy. They're alien guys. Have fun with that. Do whatever weird thing you want to do. Give them weird organs, extra organs, or even take organs from them. What weird stuff is going on with their biology? Have fun with it!