#and idk maybe it just seems extremely self indulgent bc i know her but it's Tedious

[dreamsky-sapphi]

Nanamahi brainrots

All my comments on each point below <3

Template by @ustfile (twitter)

Note: I mainly focus on Nanamahi here ⬇️

• Easily Jealous / Too Careless

Even with Nana i think Mahiru would easily still be jealous.

Not in the same way she was with Karen, but in more of a "i have a special relationship with Nana" so she can't help but feel a bit of jealousy when she sees Nana with someone else, except if it's Junna. Despite this jealousy, she wouldn't do or say anything about it, but I think Nana may guess it and find it a little amusing and tease her about it in private.

For Nana, no matter if we consider that she is still not over Junna or not, I think she would still feel possessive over Mahiru, and wouldn't hesitate to show it more than Mahiru would, things such as just approaching from behind with a bright smile like she seems to do everytime she feels threatened.

• Destroys everything to have you / Kills you to save the world

Mahiru would lean more towards sacrificing Nana for the sake of everyone. Of course she cares about Nana but she cares about everyone more, bc she knows that at this point it is almost impossible to convince Nana out of her mindset. She knows how Nana thinks so she would know what would be best in the end.

Nana probably would lean more on sacrificing everything else if she was at a point where she feels like she lost everything, but I didn't put her to the extreme bc Mahiru isn't the one in her heart, and she still cares about everyone else.

• I don't deserve any of this / I deserve to be with you

Nana thinks of herself as some kind of monster, even if she craves love like anyone else. But I don't think she'd ever think she deserves any sort of sympathy.

Mahiru just has terribly low self-esteem and would rather put others before herself in any situation.

• Would revive you if you died / Leaves you to die anyway

I'm not entirely sure for this one, I just think that above everything else, they are both too caring to just let the other die.

At least they would not let the other die without them...

• Clings onto others (especially the other) / Cold exterior

I'd say they both just like physical contact, Nana more than Mahiru.

Mahiru wasn't exactly a physical person except maybe to Karen, but I think she would like the proximity Nana would provide her, like a sense of security. Isn't it comforting to melt into a hug. Idk I just think she would like being hugged by someone taller as well.

Nana would like the contact as some kind of reminder that Mahiru won't leave her anytime soon, so more of a possessive motive.

• "This is fate, isn't it?" / "It was a coincidence, that's all"

This doesn't really reflect whether they believe in fate or not.

I wouldn't be able to tell for sure for Nana, but I think Mahiru does believe in fate, but it just never turns out the way she wished it would (first example obviously is Karen and Hikari, but also anything related to others getting the lead roles she would have loved to get).

Specifically in a Nanamahi setting, I'd say they both think this just happened to be when they needed it the most, just pure coincidence.

This wasn't meant to be but it's convenient for both of them.

• "Let's leave this place" / "I can't just leave everything for 'you'..."

Nana doesn't have much to lose anymore and would lean more on not caring about leaving everything behind to keep this relationship, bc even if it hurts both of them, the pain brings her comfort and will have trouble thinking theres any other way to feel better, at least in the present. It's easier to indulge in this temporary comfort and cut yourself from the outside to fully enjoy it.

As for Mahiru, despite her loneliness, she has too much to lose compared to Nana. Mahiru's loneliness is not the same as what Nana feels because she still has and had so many friends and a loving family who support her. She still want to achieve things and she can't just leave everything behind for this comfort which she knows is only temporary. This is where it would make more sense for someone like Claudine to bring her comfort instead, since she would push Mahiru forward more while Nana would want to stay in a constant cycle of pain.

• A bloody marriage / "I still don't feel a thing"

I'm not sure what a bloody marriage is, but I think Nana would believe there isn't any sort of "love" between them. Ofc it isn't just a random friendship (I don't think that friends just casually kiss all the time), but she would lean more on believe there is nothing worth calling "love".

As for Mahiru, she's more sensitive when it comes to romantic feelings, and might develop a little something, but definitely not a cute kind of love. More of what would be seen as emotional dependence.

Even so, she'd keep thinking to herself that it isn't love and would try to think there's nothing between them despite her growing feelings.

• Self-sacrificial / Would give you away for nothing at all

I don't think neither of these people pleasers would even care about themselves enough to sacrifice the other for nothing.

• "See you in the next life" / "This will never happen again"

They hope such a situation won't ever happen again in the future, but Mahiru would lean more on wanting to meet Nana again in another lifetime where they don't feel so sick and can have fun like they did in highschool (not that Nana doesnt want it but she might think that if they met again, things would end up the same).

• "I don't feel a thing" / "You make me feel alive"

Honestly the entire reason they're together.

When they're by themselves, it's just their thoughts and themselves. They wouldn't feel comfortable enough to open up to anyone about their feelings: they're supposedly getting better now.

I can easily think while they can act normally around others, they'd be like walking corpses once alone when their moods aren't at their best.

By finding each other, someone who can understand their ugly feelings, they can find comfort in each other's arms.

• Would go back in time to save you / Things like that are impossible

We mentionned this with Risse earlier but if Mahiru was given the ability to timeloop, she may have done it.

But my nanamahi setting is leaning towards the future where the revues are over, so when it isn't even possible anymore. Mahiru isn't aware of the timeloops.

Mahiru wouldn't even believe that is a possibility.

Nana would do it again.

• "I need anyone by my side" / "I don't need anyone anymore except you"

In a time where loneliness overtakes her mind, Mahiru would probably be fine as long as anyone could be here for her or at least make her feel needed in a way that isn't like her family needs her or her regular friends need her.

Her love and interactions with Karen have left a scar in her that doesn't heal properly and made her feel the need to find someone who can make her feel needed in a similar way again.

Nana on the other hand has given up and only wants one person by her side.

• "We're friends, right?" / "I wished we were something more"

Between Nana and Mahiru, Mahiru would probably be the one yearning for something more concrete than a weird special bond, while Nana views this more as just mutually helping out.

[beloved-child-of-the-house]

my college roommate (who i was rlly close with at the time until she dropped out to get married to The Worst Man In The World) wrote a novel about a group of people who were close in college and drifted apart and there's a couple in it based on me and my spouse

[spicyicymeloncat]

Guys can we talk more about that pre gen Ninjago 2023 concept. Having the old elementals as the main cast.

What if the show starts off with Krux and Acronix from the present of the original Ninjago, and they’ve just time travelled to before they were even villains and are just quirky nemeses of the main cast (quirky nod to the original show). Also the serpentine wars are probably also going to be mentioned.

The main cast is

- Garmadon: generally a bossy sassy guy who’s always grumpy bc of the venom and tends to be the leader since he’s the oldest. Despite it all he’s got some social skills and is generally well liked for his power. Currently on the side of good bc the venom hasn’t yet taken over. Has powers of destruction and dark energy.

- wu: Garmadon’s worried younger brother who is just trying to make sure Garmadon doesn’t destroy too much stuff. He’s genuine but also genuinely worse at fitting in with the group bc he’s more introverted (I’m riding off the fact that he decided to write Misako a confession letter instead of talking to her, not even after she didn’t get it). His fighting style relies more on technique than magics ability and it’s still ambiguous whether he has similar powers to Garmadon.

- Ray: didn’t realise he was a fire elemental and comes from a long line of blacksmithing. However when villains attacked his village he decided to become a samurai and defend it. Realises his elemental power throughout the series and learns to control it with the help of Maya. Can seem carefree and laidback and a bit of a joker but can also be incredibly stubborn and determined when he gets into it. Also wu and ray are bffs

- Maya: comes from a long line of water elementals and was trained to be a warrior elemental for most of her life. Hence she has a strict way of doing things and everything she does has to be perfect. She feels great responsibility in being the water elemental as it’s an important and sacred element. She’ll probably have an arc at some point where she learns to be messy and doesn’t have to be perfect all the time, and Ray will probably help her be more relaxed or emotional. She’s usually pretty cool headed but uptight. She’s enthusiastic about training and being organised and can be a bit critical when people don’t take it as seriously as her

(There’s not as much things to go off with these other characters so forgive me if everything else is vague)

- lightning: probably a small town girl who just happened to discover her elemental power but had no idea what to do with it. Maybe she was inspired inspired by the group to become a fighter and is generally pretty new to everything. She’s very bubbly and energetic and extremely talkative and is key on keeping the group together in hard times. However she’s also one of the more self indulgent members, and the one most likely to complain about doing super hard training. Despite that it would be cute if her character arc was about her growing into her powers and leading a more purposeful life, like she learns that she wants to fight bc she cares and not just bc she doesn’t know what to do with her powers. Also the thing with Cliff Gordon is like a celebrity crush running gag which then develops into a “Gordon gets damselled a lot and lightning has to save him” running gag bc I think that would be a cute and kinda silly romance dynamic idk

- earth: (Cole’s grandad) he’s a bit older than the other characters (only in an appearance sense to the spinjitzu bros) and he’s a travelling warrior. He was probably a hugely powerful potential ally that it was important for Garmadon and wu to recruit against the villains. I can imagine him seeming like the stern type but is actually just a dad guy yknow. Like he’s secretly a huge softie who hopes to start a family one day. I can see him and lightning having a mentor apprentice relationship yknow. He’s also got that leader esque vibe that I think it would be interesting if at a crucial point in the story he disagrees with one of Garmadon’s plans and kinda challenges his authority and it causes friction within the group. Also I just checked the wiki and apparently he was also manipulated by Chen and hypnotised by hypnobrai to betray the other elementals so that checks out.

- ice: again a bit older than everyone else but he’s kinda mysterious. Hes a renowned wandering warrior who shows up to save random villages from monsters before disappearing without a trace. Bc of this people are both in awe and suspicious of him. He actually comes to the spinjitzu brothers before they attempt to recruit him because he sees visions of the future and bestows them prophecies and is like “and you’re gonna need my help”. He’s cool like that and probably instigates main plot threads with his visions. This does mean he has room for a “don’t shoot the messenger” arc. But you could do many cool things with him and his future vision. Like he looks cool but is secretly in constant existential crises, which will also link into the general time and back in time them with this show being a pre gen and technically the audience also has future visions. And also the spinjitzu brothers are also operating on prophecies

Over all I love them and I want to draw now haha.

[lexa-griffins]

Are you sure we're not sharing the single brain cell? Cuz I am really digging the concubine x senator one. Like have lexa be a competent princess, whose smart, knows politics, athletic, knows how to fight etc. She aids Clarke in a lot of things for her senator work. But bc Roman society is extremely sexist (might need to fact check that jic) Clarke's getting all the credit. Clarke always tries to elevate her wifey-in-all-but-name when she could.

I think the story could be like this: At first Lexa is not vibing at all with clarke. But clarke is really gentle and not classist/sexist/etc like she expected. Maybe they have the same goal (like idk, equality? Abolishing a certain dogma? Taking down a political opposition?) Lexa realizes that she could get what she wants by going along/working with clarke. And somewhere along the lines, she discovers things about clarke and falls in love and fuck nasty.

Damn am I doing a great job of not nudging this not-au along. Yeah it would be a lot of work to write. But! It is fun to fantasize and talk about it❤️❤️❤️ So thanks for indulging in my babbling? 😂

Lexa is the daughter of a merchant, she has big dreams but knows she cannot accomplish them from her social standing, and much less being a woman. But she learns how to read and write as best she can, very much pushed by her father to do as such as Gustus wants a better life for Lexa. He also taught her to spar with a sword, and although she is no gladiator, she can fight pretty well. And when she becomes Clarke's concubine - im thinking Gustus is killed for something and being unmarried Lexa has to fight to her a life og her own - she has the opportunity to read and learn even more, and the more she learns the more passionate she becomes about helping Clarke change certain rules in place. And yes, Clarke definitely takes all the credit and although Lexa dislikes it, she knows its necessary as Lexa herself would never be taken seriously, but Clarke never once pretends she did it all herself and every small win will bring Clarke running home to puck up Lexa and tell Lexa "You did! It worked!", like absolutely giving Lexa all the credit!

If we go in a direction of Lexa meeting Clarke when she's preventing as a man, who clearly finds Lexa attractive, I can see Lexa playing with that, knowing Clarke is a senator if she manages to get "him" to fall for her maybe she can try and persuade "him" to try out her ideas, even if Lexa doesn't like man at all. And Lexa manipulates Clarke in a way really, she is looking for an end goal but when Clarke confesses to her that she is a woman and feels like a woman, Lexa softens towards her. She clearly wants what Lexa wants and she's a sweetheart really. Still Lexa has in her mind to use Clarke's "secret" against her of all goes wrong but with the way Clarke respects her so fully and is trying hard to change things around, Lexa definitely starts to fall for her and Clarke can tell because Lexa has always been cold and rather distant and while Clarke does like her, she was primarily interested in Lexa's smarts and how she could help her achieve a goal that no matter how hard she tries, Clarke cant seem to fully get into action. And the more Clarke reveals about herself the more Lexa seems to soften around her and the more their arrangement starts to resemble a marriage. And Clarke loves coming home and being treated as her true self and seeing Lexa let her walls down more and more, she smiles more and just seems happier both because she is visibly falling for Clarke and because its working, they are making advances to change things!

You sure are making a great case for no nudging me in the way of this non-au 😂 i am always here to indullge your guys' babbling, lord knows ya'll indulge mine 😂🩷

[coldvampire]

I’ve been moving so I haven’t had time to sit and work on anything really which is unfortunate because school is starting up again ech

butttttttt anyway my self indulgent thoughts that have been sort-of keeping me afloat recently are the rumblings of a couple new ocs who i probably wont end up doing anything with as far as posting goes since the recent reception of my stuff in general just kinda depresses me more lmao but moving on. i keep thinking about my weirdo human oc and her yautja partner, and how they met at the end of a hunt when the bones had been collected and were being brought back to the ship. she's a bit of a weirdo who inadvertently just sort of flaked away from her old life. didn't really mesh with anyone, wasnt hated but wasnt cared about either so it was Whatever when she took off to live a bit more remotely to work closer to her art. i maintain she's a taxidermist by trade and idk if this is realistic or not but since its my fantasy and i choose the rules lmao she makes a decent living selling off her pieces. some are just straightforward rebuildings of the creatures she finds but most are weird and wonderful imaginative scenes & sets (think like,, the rat pope thing only Bigger and done better lmao).

so the bones are her thing and she finds herself trying to take home a bear or mountain lion or smth like that's body at the same time the yautja is. she's not a threat to him like. at all lmfao. just this skinny little bewildered thing looking up in shock when he materializes. the acceptance is,,, weirdly quick actually? like there's an element of wonder ofc but she's still like 'well. strange shit happens all the damn time why not this too.' and in a wild act of autopilot starts to ask him about the other trophies he's hanging onto. i think he would be slightly confused by this but also like. its oddly endearing lmao, just extremely earnest in her curiosity.

something something time passes and a real ~relationship~ starts up between them with every earth visit (she offers to display the trophies, which,, hmm, no, but he Does bring her carcasses specifically for her to work with separate from the trophies lmao) & he just thinks shes the greatest. like yes, very much odd, but still, she's fantastic. 10/10 listener, pretty funny, good looking as far as he can tell, there's really not much to dislike tbh. he's slightly confused about her chosen lifestyle though, bc as far as he knows the humans are also social creatures not unlike his own species and he just assumes that there must be other people in the area somewhere she spends time with, it doesnt make any sense otherwise that there wouldnt be, & she was just so open and social with him in spite of the fact that he wasnt human, surely some other people must be around to appreciate that too?

ofc thats when the conversation gets a bit awkward and she tries to think of someone to seem less pathetic in the eyes of the hunter who, for whatever godforsaken reason, thinks she's interesting enough to keep coming back here for. well, um, not exactly like that? i mean, i do talk to people sometimes. um. when i sell sculptures to them, or when i have to go food shopping. i think the video store clerk knows my name, probably? hahah um. yeah. & for the first time it finally clicks that there is 100% a reason she seems so excited whenever he drops by and gives her the time of day, even for a little bit. those several-week stretches between visits are more than likely very quiet for her, & are almost certainly void of any conversations deeper than asking if she wanted reusable or plastic bags. and she seems kinda :/ unhappy that this has come up conversationally too, bc in her mind now he knows that there must be something wrong with her if she isnt normal in that particular way, and she was kinda hoping to keep that hidden or at least severely downplayed, because he's not From Here; maybe he wouldnt know? maybe she could just pretend?

its not something he can just kill and fix, but maybe theres something he could offer. would she like to come with him for a bit? not long, just a couple weeks. see the stars & some new lands (he would probably pick places that had '''easy''' hunts to ensure she would have a ride back to earth lmao), a break in routine to take her mind off of things + give some sort of legitimate excuse for not being able to talk to anyone. its a weird + temporary solution but his heart is in the right place and you know as scared as i think she would be (space travel is a Lot) i think she would end up having fun. it Would be new and exciting and most importantly, she would not be experiencing it alone. i mean, yes, he's been to space hundreds of times before, its not new for him, but he sort of gets to re-live that initial wow emotion through someone else and tbh thats pretty special.

i have more probably on this but its late so :p thats all there is for now

[faerielleart]

who is here for a really bad and random high school au that is completely self indulgent yo

in which levi loses a bet with erwin and mike and is forced to audition for their school’s production of les misérables, he tries to mess up the audition but somehow he still sucks less than everyone so he ends up getting the part of marius??? and he can’t quit because it will influence negatively on his grades??? idk imagine levi reading the script without knowing shit about the play and reading all the cheesy lines for the first time and him hating every single thing about this situation until the first day of rehearsal where he meets the person who will play cosette, his weird schoolmate hanji who shares some classes with him who is always spending time in the school laboratory to do experiments and shit and oh. Oh.

at first dude wants to Scream because he just can’t bear the thought of acting like a booby who is madly in love (quoting old les mis memes from years ago here) with this wEiRdO who somehow has a pretty fucking amazing voice and wow maybe this weirdo,,,,, isn’t a bad weirdo. how bizzarre

Maybe just maybe as the days go by they start spending time together because hey! Looks like they are polar opposites but at the same time they have SO! MANY! things in common!!! and they eventually use rehearsing as an excuse to spend even more time together! and they bond over the fact that they’re supposed to play characters who are SO distant and different from how they are irl and levi finds out that hanji tried to audition as a joke but got the part bc she can actually S I N G like an angel and has a really solid head voice and range despite being a mezzo and cosette needing a soprano bc her parents forced her to take lessons, while levi despite having a decent singing voice actually had to have the songs lowered a lil bc bby is a baritone in a tenor role and has never had lessons and can’t support all the notes but fear not! Hanji offers to teach him some tips and tricks and whoops now they’re spending even more time together

And maybe just maybe it becomes easier for levi to sing “in my life she has burst like the music of angels, the light of the sun, and my life seems to stop as if something is over and something has scarcely begun”, maybe it comes natural for levi to stutter his line in “a heart full of love, a heart full of song, i’m doing everything all wrong” because?? he is looking right at hanji’s really pretty brown eyes and he can’t concentrate?? and he hates feeling like this lmaooo like sweaty palms butterflies fast heartbeat,,,,, boi is in love and he doesn’t realize it he just thinks he’s constipated

anyway let’s spice shit up and add erwin to the mix! erwin knows hanji, they’re childhood friends and they actually met through their singing lessons, the dude who was going to play enjolras gets idk chicken pox and the director is frantically looking for a substitute, levi wants to get back at erwin for making him audition in the first place (it’s all in good faith tho it’s a joke and they’re best friends dw he just wants to have a lil revenge) and suggests erwin, not knowing that he and hanji know each other and that he actually has been trained in singing so yeah erwin gets called for a last-minute audition and dude SMASHES it the director’s crying tears of joy they found their authentic tall hot blonde enjolras who looks like he’d be a great commander and people would die for him (;DDDDD) and during rehearsal levi finds erwin and hanji chatting like old friends!! and dude’s like wtf do u know each other??? and hanji says hell yes we studied together since we were children :D and just because i am huge huge erumike trash lemme say that mike got a lil part bc they needed ensemble members and he got to play grantaire so yeah enjoy both e/R and erumike there we go erwin gets to act with his boyfriend!! and they both watch levi and hanji during rehearsal and see how they obviously pine for each other but are far too oblivious for their own good so they decide here and there that they must get those two together bc it’s exHAUSTING to watch them stare lovingly into each other’s eyes and hold hands and kiss and then brush it off saying “it’s just acting we literally have to play a couple”

anyway the day of the show is here ladies and gentlemen levi is nervous af but doesn’t show it, he has to act like a lovesick fool in front of the whole school, the students, the teachers, the parents, EVERYONE and oh my god i hate it here might become his gratuation quote but all he needs is hanji backstage who squeezes his hand and whispers “can’t wait for you to sweep me off my feet shorty” which is extremely cringy but hanji did it on purpose just to see levi get embarassed and he does lmao so yeah the show goes amazingly! levi went flat a few times on the higher parts but it’s totally normal bby’s not trained and he did great everyone praise the birthday boy he deserves it

it’s after the show that things get a lil sad for our boi bc now he doesn’t have to rehearse anymore and is afraid that hanji won’t spend time with him anymore bc the show’s over :(( but fear NOT hanji plans on glueing herself to his side for the rest of the schoolyear and until they graduate and even after that and years later they’ve graduated college they’ve been living together for a while and they go to see the actual show on bway done by professionals and hanji acts weird all evening and OH as they’re going home she stops in the middle of the streets and whips out two lil matching rings,,,,,,, and says the cringiest cheesiest fucking thing in the world that has levi groaning and facepalming,,,,,, hanji says “will u be the marius to my cosette” and yeah levi just sighs and puts the ring on his finger and they smooch under the moonlight aw isn’t that CUTE and they lived happily ever after victor hugo is smiling down at them from the afterlife and patting himself on the back for helping them get together

NOW THERE’S TOO MUCH FLUFF AND I NEED ANGST TO BALANCE IT OUT so imagine this is also a reincarnation au and whenever levi sings “empty chairs at empty tables” he gets a weird feeling in his stomach and he gets really emotional singing “oh my friends my friends forgive me that i live and you are gone, there’s a grief that can’t be spoken, there’s a pain goes on and on” and “oh my friends my friends don’t ask me what your sacrifice was for, empty chairs at empty tables where my friends will sing no more”?? He blames it on the character getting to him too much but then he sees the scene where the students sing drink with me and the lyrics “drink with me to days gone by, can it be you fear to die, will the world remember you when you fall, could it be your death means nothing at all, is your life just one more lie” sound really familiar and resonate with him somehow as if he heard similar words somewhere else already, he sees erwin playing enjolras and being a commander giving orders and singing “let others rise to take our place until the earth is free”, he sees the scene where all the students get shot at the barricade and die one by one and he feels his head pulse and he has the strongest feeling of deja-vu and suddenly everything goes black and he wakes up in the infirmary with a very worried hanji sitting on a chair beside him and he really can’t explain what happened except that he feels like he just woke up from a very long dream and he feels like he fought through a battle and hanji just waves it off as him taking the stanislavski technique a bit too seriously for a high school play but the feeling doesn’t really ever go away and sticks with him even years later whenever he hears les mis being mentioned

[fencecollapsed]

I think I said in another Shadow!Paul ask that I imagined a hypothetical Shadow!Emma being claimed by Blinky (bc of my own self-indulgent theorist brain reasons), but which Lord in Black do YOU think would've claimed her?

that is an extremely good question and I unfortunately don’t think I have a definitive answer dnfljsf

Emma’s a little difficult to pin down to a specific lord imo, I think because she hasn’t been directly targeted by one in canon (discounting Inevitable but that was at the end and it was less targeting and more gloating). going exclusively by draws I’ve mentioned I could maybe see a Tinky shadow!Emma? entirely because we know she does have regrets, but that doesn’t seem to be a vice that really inhibits her in any way, the drive she gets from it seems pretty positive (as opposed to like. Ted lmao) so idk how strong that draw would be relative to just. the inherent drive of all the lords to claim any soul. Emma doesn’t come off as particularly stuck in the past to me so. I dunno how well that would work dnfljsf

I do think Wiggly has the most shadow beasts to his name, just kinda snatches up whatever he finds, so that’s also a possibility just given the numbers

the Blinky angle is very interesting though I’d love to hear more about that if you wanted to share!! possibly just bc purple is already a color I associate with Emma I can see it lmao these answers are barely narrowing it down I’m sorry

essentially. what I’m saying is I don’t know which of the lords would be expressly drawn to claiming Emma more than the others would be, so I don’t have a definitive answer like I might for a good handful of the other Hatchetfield leads. if she ended up in that situation it’d more than likely be entirely by chance who ended up claiming her, just which of them could get to her first

[ambitcxious-a]

* ABBEY LEE KERSHAW, FEMALE + SHE/HER  | you know ADELAIDE MONTSERRAT, right? they’re 27, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, TWO YEARS? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to EVE BY KAT CUNNING like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole FAWN-EYED, BOWED LEGS,  EXPENSIVE CHAMPAGNE thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is OCTOBER & 30TH, so they’re a SCORPIO, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( lenny, 24, est+2, she/her )

tw: depression, eating / psychological disorders, animal abuse, drugs

ABOUT.

name: adelaide montserrat

nickname: addie

age: 27

pronouns: she/her

occupation: socialite, philanthropist, prodigy ballerina

gender: cis female

sexuality: bisexual

pinterest

The Montserrat established themselves in Barcelona, Spain, over millennia ago,  known as fierce leaders and ruthless business men, quick to make a name for themselves the trading and exporting business,  while the women in the bloodline were promptly pushed aside from books and history, hiding somewhere between a stove and their husband’s fists.  

Adelaide Montserrat was different, that’s what everybody thought - she was graceful, even as a child, she didn’t cry, even as a toddler, and she never ached for her mother’s arms, even as an infant. An early bloomer of exceptional talent, she could dance as soon as she could walk. And yet Adelaide was never one to develop long-lasting or intimate relationships with her peers --- people never seemed to be comfortable sitting with her for long.  Maybe it was because there was never a girl there to begin with, and intimacy betrayed the act:  there was no child,  only a pale, wide-eyed zombie, always hungry,  always empty. 

If you dared to pry beyond the red curtains, you’d not find the delicate creature strangers saw twirling on the stage, but the bottomless edge of an abyss, waiting to swallow you whole as it looked back with smiling teeth. Little Addie, once a girl with pink tutus and ballerina shoes, was never one to be meddled with - while she could easily captivate the hearts of her peers and teachers with red cheeks and a clever tongue, there was nothing warm or kind about the little girl whose parents held so close she nearly choked to death.

Adelaide was the product of a one night stand and poor lack of judgement, or so her mother liked to recount. Her father — whomever he was, was a married man with a lot to lose, and her mother might not have known much — but she knew alimony payments would beat whatever he was willing to offer her in order to get rid of Adelaide. So, she kept the baby, and even then --- she was unbearable.  Adelaide kicked, day and night, as soon as her legs could muster, like she couldn’t stand to be trapped in the womb a moment longer.

They were living largely, manors and pools and cocktails, while Addie grew up receiving the best education money could buy, alternating between hunting and horseback riding on weekends, and training classical instruments such as the cello and piano in her spare time. Being praised for her dedication and skill, for some time, she indulged the idea of becoming a professional pianist, if only to please her parents, but the idea was soon took a backseat in her mind when she discovered just how good she was at ballet.

Adelaide had always been more of a shiny trophy to flaunt at parties rather than daughter or grandchild to dot upon, so by the time she was 13 her family was quite happy to ship her to Paris, if it meant she would enroll in the prestigious Paris Opera Ballet School and make a name for herself. She’d still come home to visit on holidays, that was until her mother moved to New York in order to appease bachelor number three: CEO of Belmont Entertainment Industries (BEI), one of the largest record labels in the U.S, with a side of illegal activities they didn’t really care to discuss at dinner.

It didn’t take long for Addie to make an impression, she was dedicated — hungrier than the other girls, always willing to push a little further, go a little deeper, die a little more. All of the shouting, the groping, the self-hatred, she never broke. Had it been not for her ego and pride, she would’ve been flawless. You’d assume being the young and on the spotlight meant competing for attention - but she never competed. She never even considered it a competition. She won, plain and simple. You see, Adelaide didn’t lose, because she tailored the game to her whims and batted her heavy set of lashes to make it seem fair. And if she did lose - the game be damned; she’d destroy it and any evidence of her failure. She didn’t want to be daughter, or something for men to gawk at, or a pretty glittered thing for little girls to worship. She wanted to be something else. Anything other than this empty shell, dripping with self-loathing , cloaked in a veil of perfectionism. Something that wasn’t rammed into this golden mold before she even took her very first breath.

Fueled by her own insecurities and desire to obtain perfection, paired with the crowd of rich kids that were offered to her as friends growing up, it didn’t take for things to escalate; by the age of only fourteen, drugs, alcohol and kicking each other in the stomach while crouching over the toilet was considered as an act of solidarity. All that deep-rooted self-hatred had to spill someway, somehow, and what are friends for if not offer you relief from the agony of routine?  

It was easier to strap on those old ballerina shoes and put on a show until her toes were bleeding, than to try and show them what was behind the curtains. People don’t want to know what’s behind the curtain — they think they do, until they see it. To live in blissful ignorance is a gift, one she was denied. And all jewelry in the world, all praise, all money and countless designer bags she accumulated over the years could never fill up that gaping hole, that detachment she felt towards the outside world and inability to connect with things and people - even those supposedly closest to her.

With age, Addie learned how to put on a show, be it at home or on a stage; that’s the magic of a ballerina, to empty yourself of that hatred, all that pain, all that ugliness and fill yourself with stories other than your own -  while whatever had been good and soft rots inside you .

And while she made a name for herself, starring role in all the big plays, working with the best and only the best, the tabloids would instiguate: who is Adelaide Montserrat? The reincarnation of the Virgin Mary to some, the dutiful daughter to others, is she a saving angel or a spoiled heir?  She used to laugh, like it was a game - like the answer wasn’t there at all . Maybe what she truly was, was a game of smoking mirrors - a fragmented image, bouncing from broken piece to broken piece, scattered into so many tiny, pretty pieces, that when she looks into a it, the reflection that stares back is unrecognizable.

Adelaide was never their perfect little doll, tied to strings, sitting still waiting to be manuevered . For some time she had watched, prowling quietly in the shadows, observing, learning. She found distraction and excitement in the shadows, drugs, married men, booze, pills - and when those didn’t cut it, she dug a little deeper.

So the child prodigy suddenly moves back to the home, with a ring on her finger and a skeleton on her closet,  all to   shield   from the rising scandal and nonsensical, if you were to ask, accusations of pushing a fellow ballerina down a flight of stairs. Alas, the show must go on, and Adelaide had no plans to stay out of the spotlight for long, or take the fault for somebody else’s imbalance. With some reluctance, she agreed to lay low, but just for how long she’d able to tolerate it, that was anyone’s guess.

Parents often say kids will “grow out of it”; their fits of rage, their apathy towards other children, their unwillingness to share, their manipulative, spoiled ways of obtaining the things they want- but Addie never did. Somewhere inside there’s still that little girl who’d rather break her toys in half than to share it with other kids. Who’d bump into other little girls at school to watch them fall, and tell the nurse they tripped. The little girl who’ll sit in an empty throne, all alone, built with the bones of the people she once claimed to love.

here’s some wc ideas i thought might be cool, but ofc feel free to come brainstorm!!

husband  - it was a marriage of opportunity rather than love, at least for adelaide - a way to deflect attention, however how he feels is completely up to you. she’s manipulative and charming, but can also be extremely cruel if even mildly contradicted

bookclub ( 0/5 ) - just women she hangs out with while trying to fit in and “have ties with the community”. she usually sucks at bonding and sharing, so this could make for some interesting dynamics

lover - adelaide switches it up every couple months, but maybe she has a soft spot for them? maybe they’re also in a relationship? maybe it’s all fucked up and adelaide likes to be nasty, what the fuck else is new

ex - lover - fed up with adelaide? me too. join the club. 

childhood friend - i feel like she might’ve permanently scarred this person for life by ( animal abuse tw ) killing a bird in front of them or something. adelaide was truly a fucking... terror as a child, and i doubt she was a good friend, bc she still isn’t

prodigy that she’s taken under her wings - maybe a young person who loves ballet that she decided to mentor out of the kindness of her heart? *coughs boredom coughs*

drug dealer - probably has a crush on them bc they indulge her bad habits ngl

idk man giv e me   s t u f f  !!!

also romantic connections are open to men and women pls. the only straight she is is a straight up bitch. 

[angelicteeth]

colors

anonymous asked: Red, yellow, and blue!!!!!!!!!

it’s just easier to do this sedrftghjk sorry,,,

red: how was your first kiss? uhhhhhh it was awkward ??? it was such a weird setting i… god no fuck byewhat do you love about yourself? i… don’t know… i find a flaw in everything about myself that i can’t see anything good. i don’t think im nice and i dont think im a good person and i just… cant seem to love anything! :-)when’s the last time you warmed your hands in front of a fire? fuckin never i hate fire i hate heat id rather DIE would you rather watch a sunrise or sunset? sunset… bye bitchass sunwhat’s the best thing about summer? UH nothing its too hot 

orange: what makes you feel warm inside? what’s your favorite halloween tradition? what’s the last thing you learned? when’s the last time you felt obsessed? what’s your favorite article of clothing? x

yellow: if you could have any view from your bedroom window what would you choose? um uh idk… soft grass…. a nice field….. flowers, cows, cats…… a pond…….what’s your favorite thing to do on a sunny day? stay inside the sun blinds me (no, rlly, i have EXTREMELY sensitive eyes)what do you consider lucky? idk if i consider anything lucky but it feels Good and Right when things are in 3′s and 5′s…what made you smile today? UH amber? she prolly said somethin today that made me smile oH we on the phone n she made me smile bc she said my bday is soon and its more important than her oc’s szxdcfgvbhnjklml; fuckin idiot what makes you happy? FROGS, amber, my niece, stuffed animals, stickers, my boys……………..

green: what’s your favorite thing to do outside? i like water and swimmingdo you like camping? nowhat would you spend $1,000 on? ohhh maybe makeup or books… frog items… stuff for amber…what’s your job, or what do you want to do as your job? idk somethin with books stillwhat’s your favorite article of clothing? I ALREADY ANSWERED THIS ITS IN THE ORANGE ONE

blue: what do you do when you’re sad? um well i… sometimes isolate myself or watch criminal minds… or stuff on youtube. maybe self indulge on stuff with my boys in my head coughzodiaxcoughwhat are some things you do when you can’t sleep? listen to music or scroll through social mediaswhat was the best (non-romantic) night you’ve had? uh anytime im with or talk to amber smfhwhat kind of covers do you have on your bed? CURRENTLY FUCKING NONE BUT BUT BUT I GOT A FROG COMFORTER :-D edit: i have put on the frog comforter. i love it. thank u.who is the last person you told a secret to? probably amber 

purple: what’s your astrological sign? error error correct sign not found “aries”what’s the best piece of advice you ever received? i wish i actually took in advice bc i personally think all advice is cheesy as shit and hate it HAHA no matter if its actually helpful bc ive probably already heard it before :^) i guess i only take it in if its during an emotional time LOL and if a specific person says it when’s the last time you followed your instincts? oh interesting idk probably when i messaged someone if they needed to talk bc they seemed to be havin a hard time annnnnnd i was right! and i helped her out :•)what’s your favorite food? i dont have one rn im sorta full rn and if im full and think of food it ultimately disgusts me real bad so IDK !what’s your secret dream? it’s a secret, i can’t spill! i guess its kinda emo but… to look and (possibly) sound how i want to, with or without my familys approval… which is something i greatly struggle with haha even tho its not important what they think… to be able to say im non-binary out loud not for anyone else, just myself. idk my secret dream is just… anything but this, i guess…

[simkjrs]

chapter 6 asks that are people in distress about shinsou

SPOILERS FOR THE FIC, so it’s all under the readmore 

** before i start, i just want to say, the sheer number of people who have guessed that it’s himiko impersonating shinsou is frankly alarming and equally hilarious. thanks yall 

Anonymous said: OH MY GOD SHINSOU MY SON, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM??? HE DOESNT DESERVE THIS????? (for real, tho, that chapter was?? So good??? I'm so happy to have read this)

you’re absolutely right he doesn’t deserve this and im doing it to him anyways, which objectively proves that as an author i am not and never have been trustworthy. im sorry if i ever tricked you into thinking otherwise. im crying as well

Anonymous said: holy crap that chapter. where do i even start. i knew the kidnapping was coming up but that scene still managed to punch me in the gut. shinsou doesn't deserve this he just wanted to be a hero you guys. also the scene where izuku brought mitoki flowers was really great and i'm so happy that conversation happened. and the paintball fight? best thing i've ever laid my eyes upon. sorry this wasn't very coherent, i'm gonna go fling myself into the sun. thank you for this amazing chapter.

thank YOU for the feedback, i’m really glad you enjoyed the mitoki conversation & the paintball fight because those two scenes were the ones i was most nervous about. as for shinsou, you are very right. he doesn’t deserve this and im sorry 

Anonymous said: WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! that was so intense!!!!!!!!!!!! that chapter was amazing you lied sorry ://// (izuku has a crush on shinsou and i couldnt be happier. sweethearts, the both of them.) SO MUCH HAPPENED AT ONCE IM FU KCIFNSICIAJX!!!! WHAT HAPPENED WITH SHINSOU??? MY BOY WHO THREATENED HIM. WHO HURT HIM??!?!?!!?!??!!??!?! i got so emotional all throughout this chapter i almost cried like 26 times that was wild af!!! NOW HOW DO I RECOVER FROM THIS!!!! (im so worried about shinsou. about everyone.)

hfjldksf thanks!! glad you enjoyed it!! im sorry for making you emotional. its the unintended side effects of tryin to convey izuku’s state of mind 

i know this won’t ease your suffering much but for a while i intended for chapter 7 to be from shinsou’s point of view, and it was quite literally just titled “what happened to shinsou.” this may still happen. im not sure yet. stay tuned next for,

Anonymous said: *twitch twitch twitchy twich* omg suddenly i understand those comments from your betas. like. i'm legit speechless???? why. why would you do this, you evil writer from awesome land. like i just. im in like. the all caps state of shock. that FREAKING LAST LINE AKDJKLADSLKAJDSKLJLKJ. like. *squeezes air* i dont even know where to begin???? I MEAN CLEARLY I STARTED AT THE END BUT LIKE. so much. to talk about. like. the smile bits of gaming and cats and pics then THAT KAST KUUSJDFHSKJDHFSKJDHSJDF

i bait in readers with cute fun shenanigans and then i go in for the kill 

(thank you for writing in, i’m glad you enjoyed the chapter <3 )

Anonymous said: no, but like, ur saying that chapter 6 is the worst one YET (which is a HORRIBLE LIE. this chapter was great. even if it let us all devastated afterwards. but whats a good fanfiction if it doesnt affect the reader tho heh(and your certainly is a great fanfiction. one of the greatest)) is it because of the giant clusterfuck that 7 and/or 8 is gonna be? (kamino ward, all might reveal, kidnappings+ SHINSOU) im legit worried haha ( btw "(accidental) dad might: Stealth Style" is my favorite tag now)

i cultivate my tags with pride. im glad you enjoyed that one in particular :3c and also... thank you... i was super insecure abt ch6 so it’s really nice hearing ppl liked it! i really appreciate it <3 

the next chapter(s?) are going to be a clusterfuck so you are probably wise to be legit worried. preemptive apologies. i don’t know why im doing this and im sorry also 

Anonymous said: I don't actually believe that Shinsou did it, naturally. Maybe the villains pin the blame on him cause it's easier to do it to someone that everyone is already wary about? I honestly have no idea, you're too unpredictable with some of these things

u have a good nose anon... but also when have i EVER been unpredictable about anything. my taste and storytelling is incredibly predictable in that it is always The Worst and Incredibly Self Indulgent. all you have to do to pick out the path im taking is think “what path allows simk to pander to their own interests the most?” and thats the path i’ll take. this is exactly what is happening with the entirety of this fic and especially with this next arc 

Anonymous said: is shinsou being blackmailed?? controlled by someone else?? someone stole his face?? was he used as a hostage bc he interacted with class I-A more? or is someone threatening izuku again or.. ahhh idk what it is but I really feel he is not a traitor so: my current theories about shinsou. am I close?? 

yes to all of the above 

Anonymous said: Pretty sure you didn't get many theories yet cause we are still in shock. Send help pls. (Loved the chapter btw that chapter was legit a roller-coaster of feels.)

theres no help to be found. i did this irrevocably and now theres nothing we can do about it 

(thank you! i’m really glad to hear that, and hope that you have recovered from your shock :p )

Anonymous said: thoughts on shinsou's reasons: bakugou is a abusive shit who is undeserving of being a hero and made him lose all faith in heroes, blackmail, threats, brainwashing, some other type of convincing, he has been the traitor the whole time and you just want to kill us with angst, the LoV is threatening deku and if he doesn't help them they kill him, rage against society has reached its peak (same tho), or he wants to get back at bakugou, or the Cat Cafe is being threatened. please stop killing me.

this is a really impressive laundry list of unconventional reasons for shinsou to join the villain alliance. i love it. i too would become a villain in order to save my favorite cat cafe and spite a person i don’t like 

@armcontrolnerve said: it was himiko in the study with the candlestick 

d...does this make shinsou the murder victim 

Anonymous said: I JUST READ THE NEW CHAPTER AND JUST WANTED TO DROP BY AND SAY YOU'VE UTTERLY WRECKED ME. I have tears in my eyes, I am currently flailing about like a fish while my brain goes into overdrive trying to dodge the reality of that ending. Shinsou was helping Izuku not two scenes ago, he was probably kidnapped and forced to do it against his will via torture or something. I refuse to believe that Shinsou is a villain and you cannot tell me oTHERWISE

good instincts. hold onto that feeling 

Anonymous said: My guess: shinsou was kidnapped by Villain Alliance. Himiko Toga is using her quirk to impersonate him. But...why

bad pr image for yuuei 

Anonymous said: all im thinking is that girl with the quirk that lets her shapeshift into people if she gets their blood and im just. oh no. shinsou. how could u do this to the poor sweet gay boy. meet me in the pit for a fight, and also a round of compliments for ur fucking writing skills. u made me cry. i love this fic so much but unfortunately i still have to challenge u to a duel, for the sake of these poor children, and their mental health,,, (ps i love ur writing and ur fantastic!! byeee)

if you kill me youll never get these children back alive

(thank u though... this made me laugh. rest assured that i will promptly apply all my writing skills to elucidating the mystery of what happened to shinsou) 

Anonymous said: Shinsou probably got his quirk stolen by Sensei or someone is impersonating him I guess. Or his classmates are jerks and framing him or something. Smh

his classmates threw him under the bus

@sunslammerdown​ said: hi i am a person who reads your very extremely good fanfiction... thanks very much and also Wow Rude How Dare You. you said you were surprised at not getting more shinsou theories so heres my two: 1) It Was Toga, shinsou is kidnapped its not good 2) It Was All For One who can take quirks and use them on people and shinsou has a mind control quirk, its very not good still

what if its... 3) both, for maximum suffering, and the ultimate very not good happenstance 

@viperofsand​ said: I am sure I had something in mind when giving my review while I was reading chap 6, but after the final part my mind was all 'WHAT THE HELLLLLL', so, there is that. Also, I am inaugurating #ShinsouIsNotAVillain2017 for this fic starting now.

this is a good hashtag. i’m behind it. i have no right to be but i am 

Anonymous said: ok i'm trying not to panic bc of the cliffhanger but just tell me, will we know /why/ shinso is doing what he's doing ?? i'm trying not to spoil for ppl 

no worries! we will find out exactly what happened to shinsou...

@auspiciouswhiskers​ said: How much do I have to pay for a Shinsou redemption and/or Shindeku endgame because pleeease you have responsibilities

you don’t even have to ask. its already under way...

(more specifically: you just don’t even need to ask. there just isnt a need. hold that thought for a shindeku endgame though bc who KNOWS where im headed with that) 

Anonymous said: Izuku's gonna lure Shinsou with cats and everything will be just fine. Izuku holding up fuku, taka and isao: you know u can't harm them Shinsou: defeated

this is the ultimate villain shinsou ask. nothing is ever going to top this. you dont even need to fight shinsou you just have to appeal to him with cats and he’ll crumble instantly 

Anonymous said: Eh, I don't know if I'm angry, but I am a tad disappointed if it actually is "what it looks like" with Shinsou. I mean his whole deal is that while his power seems like one that a villain would have, he doesn't actually want to use it that way. If he really is a villain in your story, that sorta defeats the purpose of his character, you know? But I guess I'll just wait and see what you plan to do with it.

that aspect of his character is probably what makes what im doing 100% more awful so i guess what im trying to say is: don’t worry it’s not what it seems, but also, i should not be allowed to touch a computer 

Anonymous said: ok ok i have an idea about why shinsou provided inside help(i hope im at least a little right or im going to cry): he was threatened by the league? they saw him hanging out with deku and probably knew that he didnt know he was Hella Strong or smth and were like "look, if u dont want ur friend to die ur gonna have to Cooperate" and shinsou being an amazing friend was like "U LEAVE HIM ALONE U COCKROACH" and he did That. it probably happened in That One Stupid Horrible Month (please. PLEASE)

shinsou became a villain for deku confirmed. be gay, turn to the dark side 

Anonymous said: honestly while i'm still Actually Dead over the latest chapter Izuku having his Gay Awakening over someone who stabs him in the back is Relatable lol

h...hold that thought... 

also. i’m really sorry to hear that, and i hope you’re in a better place now. may your future gay relationships be blessed

Anonymous said: It's Mamoru. The ending to your new chapter is definitely a twist that I didn't expect at all. But oddly I'm not angry. Is Shinsou really going to be a villain? Because it kinda goes against he is fighting for. Or is he threatened?

spoiler alert...

@chocowl said: holy fuck simk

A theory: was Shinsou kidnapped by the VA and Himiko used her Quirk to look like him? That would explain the silence towards Izuku and would heal our tormented souls Q-Q

the truth is, the entire villain alliance is conspiring to fuck over shinsou, specifically

[kennothythebard]

Things I’ve learned about writing DEH characters

THIS IS NOT A GUIDE BY ANY MEANS THIS IS JUST SOME OBSERVATIONS AND THINGS I DO.

So while researching for and writing “A Worthy Explanation” (pls read i crave validation) I’ve noticed a lot of little things that I don’t always see mentioned in writing guides for these characters so I thought I’d point some of these out. Idk how love this is going to be so I’ll prolly put a cut here.

General

I like to create kind of a “loneliness chart” and graph the kids on it (looks kinda like those political alignment things). On one axis theres introverted vs. extroverted, and on the other theres like polite vs. rude I guess? But in summary: Evan is introverted polite, Jared is extroverted rude, Alana is extroverted polite, Connor is introverted rude, and Zoe... is just kinda generally lonely. Where she falls really depends on what’s going on with her (but she typically is a less extreme introverted rude than Connor).

Obviously each character has their own faults, but I often see these faults viewed quite selectively, see “cinnamon roll evan” and “fucking larry” for two very different examples of this phenomenon. Evan is not perfect and always trying to be nice, and Larry is not a super abusive parent who deserves no happiness in this life. They’re both complex and it’s hard to let go of our misconceptions to write truer to the characters (e.g. I really, Really don’t like Larry. I see him as a lousy father who just kind of chose to be “the strict one” but does nothing but criticize and dole out punishment, ignoring his kids any other time), but that’s an important part of deh, is that people aren’t always what we perceive them to be.

Evan

Evan is often viewed as like a cinnamon roll, but in act 2 especially Evan gets mean. Like, he’s dismissive and rude and angry and just a jerk. Evan can be just as bad if not worse than some of the “angrier” characters

Ppl often talk about his lying as his biggest character flaw, but I’d argue that most of the lying we see in the show just stems from the one lie which he was kinda forced to make bc he was in a bad place (i mean, thats pretty much the entire point of awe).

The character flaw that I don’t see discussed enough is that he’s ashamed of his mental illness. He’d rather pretend it’s not there, even when it impacts every part of his life. He doesn’t do the letters the way his therapist assigned them, he’s apprehensive towards medication and stops taking it, and basically feeds into his self-destructive tendencies, arguing his mother sees his as “broke” or something to be fixed.

Jared

I love writing Jared

There’s already a lot about what a complex character he is and stage directions, but one thing that most people notice is his actions frequently contradict his words. Take the sincerely me reprise at the start of act 2. Why would he try to insert himself into the narrative at this point? What good would that do at this point? When evan dismisses him he gets annoyed and defensive. He says that he can’t do anything until Monday because he’s hanging with his camp friends (whom he claims are his “real friends,” a term he will later ascribe to himself regarding Evan in Good For You), and when Evan dismisses him again he tries to offer to help with the kickstarter, but is quickly shot down once more by Evan. Despite what seems to be a natural ending place in the conversation, he insists on continuing to talk with Evan, and when Evan cuts him off again he becomes rude and slightly threatening. This happens over the course of maybe three minutes and it’s one of the most insightful scenes to jared’s character

When writing a canon-compliant Jared, his actions and thoughts should conflict with his words. He cares about Evan but he’d never say that out loud (in more canon-compliant fics), and it hurts when he’s pushed away, which he responds to with anger.

Zoe

Zoe is one of the most difficult characters to write, imo.

She’s often portrayed in a slightly sweeter, saccharine way in fanon as just like a fun, silly girl who is just a tad sarcastic, but really you can tell that she’s Connor’s brother. She’s angry, blunt, unafraid of speaking her mind, etc. Yes, she is funny and kinda sarcastic, but her sarcasm isn’t always of the funny variety. She’s obviously angry at her parents, but this often comes across as a “doesn’t love them” variety of anger when her real feelings seem to be much more complex. 

Basically, I’m still learning a lot about writing her but I think just like the other kids she’s a little lonely, so Evan comes along and he’s there and that’s enough for her. She has such a wide range of emotions that I don’t feel are always accurately represented, even by me. (especially by me)

Alana

Hella, hella lonely. Covers it up by talking to people and doing extracurriculars. Sure, “college apps” is her excuse for why she does so much, but it’s not the real reason. If she keeps busy, she doesn’t have to be alone with her thoughts. But at the same time she has similar fears to Evan about people seeing the worst of her. “Close acquaintances” seems to be a statement about how little she makes friends, but I also see it as a defense mechanism. If she remains “close acquaintances” with people, she’ll never have to be their friend and they’ll never have to see the worst of her.

She’s cheerful and annoying, but in the way that pisses high schoolers off. Like, we all knew that one kid who was just way way too nice, and most of us were like “yeah ok they’re pretty cool i guess” but like some people just hated their positivity. It also doesn’t help that she tries to insert herself in situations she hasn’t been invited in, and does some questionable things to help her accomplish her goals. (Evan/Alana contrast: Evan does questionable things to accomplish internal goals, Alana does them to accomplish external goals)

Gets easily distracted. Forgets to sign Evan’s cast in scene 1. Her mind has a million different thoughts at any given moment. It wouldn’t be out of line to headcanon ADHD Alana (some of the things she does reminds me of the things I do when I forget my meds).

Connor

?????

We don’t see a lot to really get a huge insight into his personality. We know he was angry and had some serious mental illness.

We also know that he could recognize when he went too far and would go out of his way to make amends. (Why was he in the computer lab? Why did he sign Evan’s cast?) He may recognize a kindred spirit in Evan.

Clearly he doesnt hate his family (he goes to school despite not wanting to go, and seeing Zoe’s name is what sets him off showing possible concern), and it would not surprise me to learn that he thought his family would be better and happier without him. He clearly has intense emotions and reactions even to things that might seem minuscule or inconsequential. When writing him in canon, I think of a rubber band stretched too tight, and any characters action could loosen or tighten the pulling.

Heidi

Such an emotional character, I nearly break my own heart when I’m trying to writer her.

Theres two odd kind of paradoxes in a parent-child relationship like that between Heidi and Evan. For Heidi, the paradox is that the more she wants to do for Evan, the less she can actually be there for him. For Evan, he wants his mother to succeed and loves her so much that he might even encourage her to not worry about him or spend time with him, but then resents that she’s never there. Or at least when he meets a mother who can provide and be there.

Heidi pretty much worries herself sick over Evan. Evan comes before everything else in her life, and so it’s easy for her to feel like she failed him, which is a huge reason for her intense reaction in Good for you: evan has just confirmed her fears that she’s failed him.

Heidi tries so hard, but she isn’t perfect. She’s clearly very sensitive about money or about Evan’s father, and this sensitivity can easily change to anger or passive-aggressiveness. She has deep insecurities that we may never see or fully comprehend.

Cynthia

Mom. like shes completely a mom. like, “can i speak to your manager?” type mom.

Loves her kids and tries to be supportive but struggles communicating with two very headstrong, sarcastic kids

she probably wouldn’t say this, but takes connor’s death very personally. wonders why he would do this to her 

Is desperate for her children to listen and understand her. Which Evan is more than willing to do.

A little bit selfish? Like, thinks about what will make her better rather than accepting everybody grieves differently

Larry

Fucking larry. I don’t like him and he’s the hardest character for me to write.

Ok since I made such a big deal about it in the intro i’ll try to be nicer than id normally be

A masculine archetype. Sports dad, wants sports son, which Connor isn’t

He’s got some really ableist/misogynistic tendencies that causes the intense demonization of him in the fanon but I mean... he could be worse i guess? (that’s literally the best i can say about that so yeah i dont like him at all)

Really just oblivious. Completely ignored Connor’s need for help, does not know how to read a room, you could say he frequently has a foot in his mouth if it weren’t so intentional.

I mean...probably a good guy if you can get past all that stuff? just really, really self absorbed.

yikes that was long. Again, not really a guide, just some things I think about when writing these characters. if you read this far at all thank you for indulging me this much.