#and id appreciate being recommended some materials on that as well
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mothman-swamp · 5 days ago
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I am determined to become a better person and one way of doing this in my mind is to read up on leftist theory so I can better help people after understanding current world events and systems.
Please give me recommendations for books to read.
I feel I understand a fair amount of the basics so I'd prefer more intermediate options rather than leftism for dummies but hey, you never know. So really anything that's not super advanced would be preferable as well as anything that can be found in a library or in PDF form since I would rather not spend a lot of money on this.
There's always more to learn so rest assured I will continue to look for material and read it as long as I think it helpful and/or interesting.
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kebriones · 2 years ago
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hi! i saw your tag about not using "hellenismos" to denote modern hellenic pagan practice. could you elaborate why? google is not very helpful im afraid, and i saw a lot of non-Greek people use the terminology very loosely. id appreciate your explanation if you care to give one, and sorry for your time if you dont want to explain :)
have a good day either way!
Hi!
Okay so, I need to start by saying that I'm not like....super serious about this, personally, because I think people can use whatever words they want, I just know it bothers a lot of greek people, it's slightly jarring to see, and it's just in my opinion not the best term to use. I know it's wide spread, I don't have any delusions that it can change at this point, but it's still a little pet peeve of mine.
The main thing is that hellenismos/hellenism as a greek word is used by greeks to describe the whole of our culture, or, on occasion, both the culture and the people. So seeing it used to describe hellenic paganism/polytheism is kinda off putting, if only because it means something else to us, and i know many greeks who don't like the use of it as describing spiritual/religious practices, and many who don't know about these things but i guarantee they will still find it weird. And it's in my opinion an unnecessary term, when hellenic polytheism/ paganism exist and work much better.
That's the main argument i have.
Now some other stuff:
Hellenism was used by emperor julian in the 300s CE to describe the old greek/pagan religion and even that, it's more of an assumption from the context/choice of translation if my understanding of the source material is right, which might not be because I'm not an expert in any way in these things. If it was actually referring to the religion, we must still understand that before that, we don't have any similar use of the term, nor was it widespread somehow afterwards. It's very recently that it started being used to describe hellenic polytheism, well after it had started being used by greeks to define themselves, if my understanding is correct and I'm not missing historical info.
Now take this with a grain of salt but
I have seen people mention the term being promoted/ used by the YSEE (you might find them mentioned as the council) which is absolutely not an organization i think you should support or listen to in any way. I'm not going to go into detail for that, and I don't know to what extent they have contributed to the spreading of hellenism used as a term for their religion but I have seen them use it a lot. If i manage to find more info on that i will update the post, but i had to mention it because i really, strongly recommend that everyone stays very far away from them.
Hope that helped somehow. Basically the word means something else for us greeks and it's kinda weird to see it used as the name for hellenic polytheism and truly unnecessary.
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ligayagardener · 3 months ago
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Hawthorn are in full, spectacular bloom in the Hills at the moment. Our most common species seems to be Crataegus monogyna (mono = one, gyna = seed).  I’m that’s guessing, because it has only one seed per fruit. I’ve found another species but haven’t ID it to my satisfaction yet. I spent most of yesterday foraging for new patches  far away from busy roads and was very successful. I’m keeping the locations to myself for now but. All of the Hawthorns have a medicinal aspect to them. It’s a truly awesome time of year if you love foraging. There’s Hawthorn, many kinds of wild and domesticated Roses, our local Evening Primrose, so many ums, apples and other fruit growing nicely (I love sour plums 😁). If you’re into herbs  there are dozens of species coming into harvestable stages too. I’m thinking of grabbing a bus and having a foraging trip in a month or so. Who’s in? Yesterday’s harvest was washed and drained overnight. Now where am I going to dry all of these? We don’t have a lot of space! Some of the trees I found were finishing flowering so I grabbed a bit extra from a few trees thst were in full bloom because I may not be able to return to the area again this week. Don’t worry though, I left heaps to set fruit and for the critters too. I’m a bit weird when it comes to harvesting herbal materials. If a plant looks extremely happy or just plain beautiful, I wont harvest it or even photograph it, preferring to keep that special memory… Some of the trees yesterday were just so stunning in full flower that I just sat, breathed and appreciated them but didn’t pick from them. Plants aren’t here just for us, even though we eat them and make healing remedies from them. They are complex living beings with all that that entails and should be respected as such. Take a few moments from your harvesting just to appreciate their beauty and the wonderful life that they support. If you’re up in the moister, more colonised parts of the hills over the next few days, I thoroughly recommend taking the time to appreciate the beauty that is the Hawthorn tree. Other herb pages on Ligaya Garden We cover a lot of ground on many herb related topics here on our website. There are whole pages devoted to different topics as well as frequent posts. Some of the links are – Garden Herbs Wild Herbs Making Remedies Mushroom medicine All of the information on Ligaya Garden Online is shared freely. Please consider making a small donation to keep it free for everyone. Just click this blue button.
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princesssarcastia · 4 years ago
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2021 Harry Potter Fanfic Primer
im here to point fingers at the incredible authors that have enabled my new interest in HP content.  im still conflicted and upset about it, tbh, but for now we’re leaning into the curve.  we’re getting out our shovel and finding out just how deep we can make the hole we’re in.  hand in unlovable hand my beloved <3.  anyway, these fics are wonderful, their authors are wonderful, and you should go read their stuff. if there’s a star next to it that means im losing my mind over it and always will be.
Creatively Maladjusted, by elumish on AO3, 101k  (they also have a wonderful writing advice blog on tumblr, @elumish, which I recommend following if you are a writer) 
A very excellent re-telling of harry’s first year at hogwarts if he were sorted into Slytherin, plus some more not!fic or piecemeal re-tellings of his second and part of his third year.  Harry, in this, has a slightly different trauma response to growing up with the Dursley’s.  He’s a bit quieter, and the signs are a bit more obvious to the people around him, and I enjoyed that immensely. 
Honestly, if you’re going to get sucked into something you have absolutely no business getting sucked into, elumish is the way to go, their fic is incredible. their teen wolf fic is also immaculate, if you’re so inclined. 
Dissonance, by ImpishTubist on AO3, 2.5k (@impishtubist on tumblr)
Set during fifth year.  Oblivious!Harry has always been a delightful trope when well executed, and this is well executed.  Plus, some angst between Remus and Harry over what Umbridge has been doing to him.
I would certainly recommend a lot of ImpishTubist’s other hp work on AO3, like Lacuna.
blow us all away, by rexcorvidae on AO3, 23k (@rexcorvidae on tumblr)
In progress (like, updated last week in progress).  Currently in the beginning of Harry’s first year.  Fem!Harry, Indian!Harry.  Hagrid puts Harry in touch with Remus when she has questions about her parents, and they become reluctant, traumatized, angst-ridden pen pals who keep missing each other’s true intentions like ships in the night.  hot DAMN do I love this fic.  there’s hints of the way the dursley’s treat Harry peaking through in her letters, and I appreciated the attention to “hmm, her experience as a girl of indian descent in britain under the thumb of a bunch of white people who like being Normal may not have been gucci”
Definitely comb through the rest of their HP fic, too, I may or may not have gone feral over it.
Where the Heart is, by silver_fish on AO3, 15k (@kohakhearts on tumblr)
Woof.  This one said, “hey, harry was probably SUPER depressed in the summer after fifth year.  like, clinically.  maybe someone should do something about that.”  Fuck yeah.  Then this one said, “that someone was Snape.”  You all know my opinions on Snape; generally, Bad.  But damn if this fic didn’t wholly convince me by the end of it.  I thought it was a very realistic way for Snape to start seeing Harry as a person all on his own, and not a proxy for Snape’s angst over James and Lily, respectively.  The angst is wonderful, the ending is even more so.
*bernie sanders voice* I am once again asking you to read through the rest of the author’s HP fic.  a lot of them have similar themes; there’s actually a great one with Molly that i’m not reccing here, Wonder.
☆Bindings, Bindings, by Quietlemonhush on AO3, 60k (@quietlemonhush on tumblr)
WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS TO YOU HOW MUCH I ENJOYED/AM ENJOYING THIS.  If I had to pick a single fic and say “you, it’s your fault I’m stuck here,” it would be this one.  Anyway Lily in the afterlife is So Very Angry about how Petunia is treating Harry, and how Sirius is rotting in Azkaban, and how Remus is alone, that she literally brings herself back to life and drags James and Regulus with her.  All three of them are there to chew bubblegum and fix everything that went wrong after they died—and would you look at that, they’re all out of bubblegum!  There’s only Fury left.  That inciting premise is very crack, but every moment after that is very much not crack.  Lily and James love harry more than anything, the way a child should be loved; James and Sirius have the epic friendship of a lifetime; Sirius and Remus have staggering amounts of resolved sexual tension and take turns keeping each other in check; Regulus, though he realized that Voldemort and his family were shit before he died, is still unlearning all his racist bullshit and, also, years of trauma.  Actually, they’re all traumatized, but hey: now they have one another again and not a damn one of them seems inclined to let go anytime soon.  Quietlemonhush went, “hey, HP has a lot of Awful people in it, and a lot of Righteous people in it, and many of them are Very, Very Powerful; also, love is the most powerful force in the universe” and i said “hell yes tell me more right now.”  And then they did!
Quietlemonhush writes Sirius/Remus in a way that makes it sooo much fun to devour, so the rest of their HP fic is most certainly worth a look, if that’s your thing.
Rebuilding, by Colubrina on AO3, 113k (@colubrina on tumblr)
Hermione/Draco (*shrug emojis into the abyss* yeah, yeah, like none of us have ever been there before).  Takes place during Hogwarts 8th year, and while the beginning is, IMO, a little unfair to Ron, it gets much better.  Tells the story of Hermione and Draco clearing the air, learning to like each other, having some hormones over each other, and then falling in love.  Also tells the story of Hermione and Theo Nott becoming friends; the story of how every single 7th and 8th year student is fucked to hell by the war and the Carrows; the story of how they start an emotional support group about it and all become friends; and the story of, what the hell do you do with yourself after that kind of trauma?
I’ve been dipping in and out of Colubrina’s HP since before I was even on tumblr; I actually found them in those dark yesteryears when the only fandom interactions I had were on fanfiction.net.  Of such fame as Green Girl, which is an HP fic staple, and has also written a lot of wackier, crackier, and darker things than that.  If you don’t take yourself too seriously, I highly recommend many of their big HP works, though I imagine it’ll press some people’s buttons.  Colubrina’s work really does take up a corner of my mind whenever I’m in an HP mood, and will take up yours if you let it.
☆ all waiting is long, by shuofthewind on AO3, 149k ( @shu-of-the-wind on tumblr)
This is so well written that I can’t stop thinking about it.  It is occupying my mind when I lie awake at night, you know?  It’s one of those.  Hermione messes with something she probably shouldn’t have in Grimmauld Place, so when Sirius is sent through the Veil in the Department of Mysteries, she gets thrust into an alternate universe...in 1975.  Instead of handwaving it away, shuofthewind actually gets into the mechanics of it in a way that makes sense, to emphasize that hermione is never going home.  ever. The world she finds herself is shifted slightly to the left, quite a bit darker, but in a “the author is treating the idea of a society-wide conflict over blood purity much more seriously than JKR ever did” way, not a sensationalist way.  Now, Hermione has to grapple with all her grief at losing everyone she’s ever loved or known, the moral/ethical/magical implications of sharing what she knows about her future in an alternate world, and, you know, a goddamn war with people who want to murder her for being who she is.  This Hermione is smart, and she’s kind, and she’s powerful, and she’s making real friends.  If you hate JKR’s guts I’d go read this right now, because it delivers in all the ways she failed us.  It’s plotty, its got great world-building, and it pulls back the white curtain on the wizarding world to show you that, like real life, it’s multicultural and full of queer people...and the discrimination that comes with both.
shuofthewind write epics, mainly for the MCU, and I’ve read some of them a looooong time ago, so this fic kinda seemed out of left field for me but im SOOOO GLAD it exists.  If you want MCU fic you can sink your teeth into, go for it, but alas, they do not have any more HP fic (.......yet?)
Speak Now [+] Listen Now, by mrsfrizzle on AO3, 33k altogether
Harry reaches out to Remus for support because Umbridge is getting to him with her literal torture.  Remus, being a former professor, former mandatory reporter, person who loves Harry and has since he was born, and all around good man, tells Harry he has to tell someone, or Remus will.  It’s everything any adult looking back on that time in HP canon ever wanted, which is for an actual adult to say “what the fuck, those are literal chidlren” and then do something about it.  Then, a far more dangerous task: Harry trusts Remus enough to go to him about the Dursleys.  Harry and Remus’ relationship develops SO WELL, and there’s a bit of exploration about how Sirius may not exactly be guardian material, because he did in fact spend 12 years of his life getting tortured instead of growing up.  I think I’m actually going to go reread this right now, because it speaks to my id.
they do have some other HP fic which did not appeal to my hyperspecific wants, but may appeal to some of yours.  I think they’re also a published author, there should be a link on their profile page.
chase the stars, by Duskglass on AO3, 101k (@felix-duskglass on tumblr)
When Harry is five years old, a picture of him ends up in the Daily Prophet, and Sirius Black, Terror of Ministry Officials Touring Azkaban everywhere, gets a hold of that issue.  He then, in order: breaks out of Azkaban; crosses the countryside to Surrey; Finds Harry: Kidnaps Harry; Breaks Into Remus’ Apartment; starts processing (or maybe just acknowledging) his trauma from Azkaban, the war, and his childhood; and pines after Remus.  It’s a little plotty, and deals a lot (sometimes through flashbacks) with the specific awful things that happened to Sirius—largely because, after years in the constant presence of Dementors, those are nearly literally the only memories he has left.  It’s a wonder he’s got the strength to love Harry and Remus at all.  But then, maybe it isn’t.
This is a Very Serious Fic, but the rest of Duskglass’s HP work is actually just cracky enough to tickle your funny-bone, while still making you think “okay but why couldn’t we have done that in the first place.”
So!  That’s it for recs, for now.  These are all things I’ve found and read in the last month; if any of y’all are interested in my old HP recs, let me know and I can make a post for that, too.  While I’m still very conflicted about my choice of current fandom, I am not in ANY way conflicted about my taste in fic and authors.  Send these guys some love, read their fic if you’re so inclined, and leave some nice comments at the end of it.
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katytheinspiredworkaholic · 4 years ago
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Correspondence, Chapter 01
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Pairing: HotchReid
Summary:  An AU where Reid never joined the FBI, but got roped into consulting for the LA field office while working and teaching at Caltech. Hotch gets his email referred from a fellow agent, and they start to work on cases together -- until they start talking on a regular basis. Regular becomes frequent, frequent becomes constant. They know nothing about each other, but they don't really mind.
Rating: Mature/Explicit (eventually)
Chapter CW/notes: some profanity, a side character who is a dick about Reid, set in season 06, self beta’d
Word Count: 2437
Masterpost Link
Ao3 Link
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Chapter 01
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March 2010
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Dr. Spencer Reid
(Current Tenure: California Institute of Technology): Fred Kavli Professor of Theoretical Physics and Mathematics; Director, Walter Burke Institute for Theoretical Physics, Department Head of Mathematics, Physics, and Astronomy at Caltech.
- (Degrees, in order) Ph.D. Mathematics, Caltech, 1995; Ph.D. Chemistry, Caltech, 1997; M.A. Nuclear Science, MIT, 1999; Ph.D. Engineering, MIT, 2000; M.A. Sociology, Columbia University, 2001; M.A. Philosophy, Georgetown, 2001; Ph.D. Psychology, Georgetown, 2002; M.A. Applied Analytics, Columbia University, 2003; M.A. Socio Economic Statistics, MIT, 2004; M.A. Geology, Caltech, 2006; Ph.D. Geography, Caltech, 2006; M.A. Economics, Caltech, 2008; M.A. Brain and Cognitive Sciences, Caltech, 2009
- (Teaching positions, in order) Professor of Mathematics, Caltech, 1995-1997, Professor of Mathematics and Statistical Analysis, MIT, 1998-2005, Visiting Associate, Georgetown, 1999-2002; Professor of Chemical Engineering, MIT, 2002-05; Kavli Professor, Mathematics, Caltech, 2005-; Professor of Theoretical Physics and Mathematics, 2006-; Deputy Chair, 2005-; Director, 2008-.
“Jesus.”
The dossier is just an information sheet; no photo ID, no news articles beyond text component pieces, but it is a thick stack of correspondence and case consultations that S.S.A Aaron Hotchner holds in his hands.
“Five Ph.D.’s and eight separate M.A.’s in fourteen years? What was he doing before that?”
“Who knows? You don’t earn a Ph.D. overnight, even if his accommodation sheet makes ‘em look like they pop up like mushrooms,” Mark Anderson says, audibly tired through the phone speaker on his desk. He was one of the Unit Chief's from the teams at the FBI L.A. field office, who’s phone number was given to him by an old friend, Sam Cooper -- another BAU team leader. Hotch had hit dead end after dead end on this case, and sitting at his desk in Quantico, Virginia, he looks down at the recommended consultant’s extensive list of degrees and teaching positions with a building headache behind his dark eyes. He wasn’t a fan of Anderson, or his briskness, but at this point he’d take anything he could get. “I’m pretty sure that man has never lived outside an academic field. He’s a handful, runs my agents up the damn wall, but he knows his stuff.”
“I hope so. I’ve been on the phone the past three days trying to find someone with a background in Obscure Cognitive Linguistics,” Hotch reads from a separate file, filled with violent images and depraved acts described in morbid detail. “Our unsub sites a very particular thesis about a Study of Language from a Cognitive and Developmental Law, and I keep getting sent to experts in adjacent fields. I don’t see anything in this Dr. Reid’s background about language.”
“Oh, trust me, Hotch -- you’ll get more than you bargained for. This is your guy. He’s basically an expert on everything, and if he doesn’t know anything about languages I’ll eat my tie. He never shuts up.”
Frowning at the speaker phone, Hotch keeps his comments to himself. He’s sure that Anderson probably doesn’t appreciate having an old professor puttering around the field office, but that didn’t mean he had to insult the man. Especially when he was there as a consultant. 
“Okay, fine. Thank you. I’ll give him a call now-”
“Oh, you don’t want to do that. Just send him an email. Trust me.” Anderson all but groans like a petulant child. Graining on Hotch’s nerves excruciatingly.
“I’m sure he’s busy enough with his students, he doesn’t need to be fielding emails from the FBI,” Hotch hedged, still frowning. 
“Not too busy to write you a dissertation in reply, I’m sure, but you’ll at least get the answers you need. You could be on the phone with him a half hour before you get to what you called about. Hopefully it won’t take you too long to sift through.” 
Alright, now he is done listening to the other agent.
“Right. Thanks, Mark.”
“Anyti-” Hotch hangs up on him before the man could make any other remarks. His patience is non-existent after the past week and this extremely brutal case that only seems to compound exponentially in it’s viciousness with each passing day. If Anderson felt like being an asshole to some old man with nothing better to do than rack up Ph.D.’s, he could do it on his own time. Hotch needed help, and this man seemed to be the only person around who might be able to finally do so.
Dr. Reid’s office number is in front of him, as well as about three different lab location phone numbers, and one email address connected to the school faculty. He considers for a moment just ignoring Anderson’s advice and calling the old professor, but he has a meeting with his Department Chief, Strauss, in twenty minutes and the team would be arriving from canvasing the dumpsites soon. 
So with a suffering sigh, Hotch pulls up a new email (for what feels like the millionth time for this case) and composes a standard correspondence introduction. Who he is, credentials, case numbers and specifics as far as clearance rates for civilians go, and then finally the questions he needs answered. There is something about this particular thesis that has to be very tongue in cheek to the unsub, saying something that isn’t really there, and this could just be another dead end -- but if it led to them saving a victim from becoming another dead body, he is willing to give it one last try. 
Thank you for your time,  S.S.A. Aaron Hotchner Unit Chief, Behavioral Analysis Unit, FBI Quantico, VA. 
Then he hits send, and leaves the response up to the universe.
-
The team came up with nothing fruitful. Strauss proceeded to ream Hotch six ways from Sunday for wasting valuable bureau resources and coming up with zero results. His day was spinning down the drain in a hellish cyclone when he sits down behind his desk in his office an hour after leaving it. Case files still piled to one side, grotesque photos stacked within them, and Aaron Hotchner wants nothing more than for them to disappear. For the case to be solved and to be able to go home to his son and his quiet house. But there was no break in sight, no new information, nothing.
Except a new email in his inbox.
Agent Hotchner, 
I know that thesis paper well. I can help you.
All air seems to have been sucked from the room as Hotch reads the words a couple of times, not quite comprehending after the morning he has had that someone wasn’t giving him more bad news. That this Dr. Reid said he could help him. 
 A single click of the email opens up the correspondence reply, and the agent is met with a giant wall of text. Scrolling down for pages, and a quick skim of the material shows such a complex, comprehensive amount of information that there is no way it’s just copy and pasted from any one source. Or even several. It’s a long email spanning a vast number of pages, covering every topic he had asked about (and then some).
The thesis paper, the tongue-in-cheek citation from the unsub, how this killer is acting like he’s being clever when it’s really ‘very obvious what he’s doing, as long as you know the paper’ and detailed links and quotations and references to locations and side tangents on items mentioned that could be evidence to look for or weapons of choice, and so much else Hotch’s head feels like it’s spinning. Like reading the cliffnotes of a complex spy novel, with all the spoilers in one place. 
It takes him half an hour to read through everything Dr. Reid sent, meaning the professor had to have been typing a million words a minute from the moment Hotch had emailed him to get everything replied so quickly, and Hotch was baffled to realize that an old man with a handful of Ph.D.’s and no FBI training just solved his case.
Not a figment of speech.
Dr. Reid just solved the case, without even holding the file in his hands.
Hotch is dialing a phone number on his speed dial without even looking away from the screen. 
“Garcia? Call the team into the briefing room, and phone SWAT to mobilize. We’re going down to the riverfront in thirty minutes.”
“--Wait, what are you talking about? Did you figure out the unsub’s code?”
Not me, Aaron thought to himself, standing up and printing Dr. Reid’s email after forwarding it to the entire team and their tech analyst, Penelope Garcia. He didn’t have time to explain it that many times, and the amount of information in that single email would be enough to send any of them tumbling heels over head. But it solved every aspect of their case. Hook, line, and sinker.
And the clock was ticking. 
“Now, Garcia.”
He rushes from the room with the stack of files in his hands and his laptop open to Dr. Reid’s email. Not even thinking to thank the man for his help as he heads across the bullpen with profound determination.
They have work to do.
-
They catch the unsub that very day. 
Quick, efficient, completely by surprise. They saved Amanda Sutton and another girl they hadn’t even known was missing. No one died. None of his team was hurt. The unsub hadn’t confessed, but Rossi and Morgan had played him like a fiddle in interrogation and now all of his team members were walking to the elevators leaving for a long weekend where they wouldn’t have to worry about serial killers or another dead soul on their conscience. Today was a win. As close to a win as they ever can get, in their line of work. 
And it isn’t until he’s back at his desk, the hours ticking into the night, that he opens up his email and there in his inbox is the very reply that started everything. Dr. Spencer Reid. CalTech Department Head. Professor of everything under the sun. Expert on anything, even the obscure. 
The reason Hotch will get to spend the weekend with his son, without the overbearing aftershocks of a case gone so horribly bad plaguing him. 
His hands are moving before he can stop them. Opening up the email, typing out a response to Dr. Reid thanking him for his help. Relaying what happened, detail by detail much in the same fashion he had completed the paperwork piled on his desk. Letting him know that his information really did end up helping them. All of it. Even the side tangents. 
I don’t know how I can ever thank you for the extensive consideration you gave this case, or how to explain how it solved it so seamlessly, but your time and effort does not go unnoticed by me. 
Okay, so maybe he fluffs it up a bit more than the dreadful bullet-point list descriptions required by the Deputy Chief and the Director and SWAT Team justification reports. Just so it doesn’t look so inadequate in comparison to the man’s thesis-paper-length email he sent to aide Hotch and his team. The passion he has for his work leaps off the page, but it was a lot -- and if the old man put that much dedication into a basic FBI correspondence email, then he was probably used to it being a thankless effort. 
Hotch sends the reply, and continues with his work. He always takes a bulk of the paperwork, so his team can go home and rest and recharge. He needs them at their best for each case, and if that means he spends a couple hours longer after when they finish a case, it is worth every minute. But this time, once he finishes, he gets to take the coveted time off as well. 
It’s as he’s finishing up, everything stacked neatly and ready to be dropped at records, in the mailroom, Strauss’s office, the director’s, and he’s about to log off his laptop that he sees a surprise -- Dr. Reid replied to him, again.
It’s much more brief this time.
Agent Hotchner,
I’m so glad I was able to help you. 
You are one of the only agents to reach out and tell me how the case went after my consultation, and I’m very grateful to know that my information actually helped your team catch the killer. I know I tend to spout facts at random, but I do have methods to my madness and it’s such a nice change to correspond with someone who understands that. 
My services are always at your disposal. Anytime. Whatever I can do to help.
Sincerely, Dr. Spencer Reid
Hotch types out a brief reply. Thanking him for his offer, for lending him his expertise, and letting him know in not so many words --
I’ll have to take you up on that. 
He’d be a fool not to. Someone with that much knowledge and the ability to connect it all in the way Dr. Reid had in the span of an hour? He could be a real asset to the BAU, as a permanent consultant, even through email correspondence. 
He sends the reply just as he stands to leave. Turning off his office light, and his chest feels lighter for the interaction. For giving the professor that sense of assurance that what he had to say did in fact do some real good. Hotch even finds himself smiling softly, sadly, that he has also found a little bit of solace in helping another lonely old man across the country find a sense of purpose that night. Who was working late, as well, despite it being the end of the week. Speaking to not much waiting for him back at home, in whatever shape ‘home’ takes for the man. But Hotch can relate to that, too. Jack is at Jessica’s until the morning, and there is nothing at his apartment to greet him but silence and bare walls and memories he’d rather not dote on. Maybe this Dr. Spencer Reid is in a similar boat, finding comfort in his work when he can. He certainly seems to, with the amount of time he’s poured into his doctorates and degrees. In the number of departments he runs and monitors. 
Hotch can’t help but feel a connection, a companionship between empty offices. Thousands of miles apart, but maybe -- possibly -- at least similar in that aspect.
Not so alone, even if only for a brief moment.
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(tbc...)
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Tagged list: @spencehotchner @ssa-sarahsunshine @gothamapologist @reidology @marsjareau @dragon-snaps-fandom​ @emmyraebird @just-an-emo-rat​​​ @aaron-hotchner187 @dk18077 @more-heid-pls
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overthinkingkdrama · 5 years ago
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Exit Review: My Country
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Synopsis
This drama is set in the transition between the Goryeo and Joseon dynasties, and follows turbulent friendship turned fraught rivalry between Seo Hwi and Nam Seon Ho. Seo Hwi’s late father was the greatest swordsman of Goryeo, but after being framed for embezzling military supplies he was executed as a traitor, a stain which hangs over Hwi and his sister’s lives. Seon Ho is the illegitimate son of a powerful state official, but due to his mixed parentage he can never fully belong to his father’s world and has an insatiable ambition and bitter resentment toward his father which drives him.
Hwi and Seon Ho have been close since childhood, but when they end up going head to head in the state military exam a tragedy follows that will drive a terrible wedge between them. Eventually circumstances will force them to pick sides between General Yi Seong Gye (the first King of Joseon) an his ruthless son, Yi Bang Won, in the fight which will give shape and purpose to a newborn country.
Review
Story: My Country is a difficult drama for me to review objectively, in part because I loved it so much. Watching this drama was a truly absorbing and gripping experience for me, and it plays to so many of my story preferences. I was unequivocally obsessed with this drama from the premier to the finale, but during the weeks between airings I couldn’t help but feel like I was arm wrestling with the script.
It was characterization more than anything that gave me fits. I wouldn’t go so far as to accuse the show of giving us thin or two dimensional characters. To the contrary, each of these characters has a fully realized matrix of conflicting desires, loyalties and ambitions that inform their choices and alignments. However, it is often difficult to sift through those murky motivations and draw a clear line between a character’s internal desires and their external actions.
This drama starts out with an incredible cold open that raises all sort so questions about who these characters are and immediately invests you in finding out how they ended up in this situation. It’s truly masterfully done, and I probably rewatched it upwards of 10 times through the run. It kept me asking those questions all the way until the pay off. But because the writers were so invested in keeping their cards close to the chest, clear characterization was sometimes lost in the shuffle.
That said, this drama really is one beautiful, tragic escalation after another. Just taking the first two episodes in isolation is quite a ride. I really thought after the first few weeks, or hell, the first half, that the drama would get bogged down in plotting and politics or have nowhere left to go, but to my great joy it really doesn’t let up a single moment until the finale.
Acting: Where to even begin with the acting in this drama? All three of the main male leads: Yang Se Jong, Woo Do Hwan and the inimitable Jang Hyuk are perfectly cast and give inspired performances. Everything from posture to voice to subtle microexpressions is so stunningly on point.
I came into the drama already a big fan of both Woo Do Hwan and Jang Hyuk as actors, having followed them through other projects, so it wasn’t surprising to me that I liked them both here as well. However, what did surprise me was the extent to which they were able to show off their range and talent. As a long time Jang Hyuk fangirl, I would confidently argue that this particular rendition of the Yi Bang Won character is him at his absolute best. I also went into My Country relatively indifferent to Yang Se Jong, or at least not overly familiar with or impressed by his previous work. I’m happy to announce that that is no longer the case, as his performance of Hwi is one of the most memorable of the year for me, and his sheer level of commitment to the role is awe inspiring. There’s a video of him talking behind the scenes about a moment early on where he actually yelled himself hoarse embodying a moment of panic and grief, which made me appreciate the level thought and effort he put into playing this character.
I don’t want to limit my praise to just that trio of actors either, because the entire cast is incredible. I didn’t know much about Seolhyun before this role, but I thought she was really strong as well, though her character doesn’t feature as heavily as one might like or expect from the promotional material around this drama. The villains too are captivating, especially the detestable Nam Jeon played by veteran actor Ahn Nae Sang. Wow, you are really going to love to despise this guy. I just cannot say enough about the performances from top to bottom, because we would be here all day. The acting is really what makes the drama, especially the stunning chemistry between the characters, and more specifically the chemistry Yang Se Jong has with all the other leads.
Production: There is some movie quality cinematography throughout this drama. It just looks very, very good both in the way it is shot and the attention to detail, the props, the costumes the sets. There is a beautiful long tracking shot following Hwi through a battle field in episode 3 or 4 that was just jaw dropping. It really felt like they were flexing, honestly, and it’s refreshing to see this kind of cable quality coming out of South Korea and ending up on American Netflix for people to watch and appreciate.
I love the music in this drama. Some of it can come across a bit camp, like the electric guitar and strings heavy instrumental “My Country” that accompanies many of the sword fight scenes, but I loved Bang Won’s wailing violin theme music every time it showed up, and the OST definitely sets a mood.
One of the more distracting choices the drama made was to allude to certain historical characters like Poeun, Sambong and Choi Young but never have them actually appear as characters, in the present or in flashbacks, opting to address certain important events and philosophies through fictional expys such as Nam Jeon and Seo Geon instead. They even resort to filming certain scenes in strange oblique ways so that we understand Sambong is in the room but we don’t see his face.
The only thing I can figure is the writers wanted to use the audience’s familiarity with these historical figures without chaining the story too closely to the actual flow of historical events. Or perhaps they decided to exclude these characters in order to avoid too much direct comparison to the critically well-received and highly rated drama, Six Flying Dragons, which covers much of the same time period.
Feels: For me My Country watches like a bitter-sweet tragi-romantic melodrama centering on a toxic love triangle with a historical backdrop. And when I say “love triangle”, I am 100% referring to the interplay between Seon Ho, Hwi and Bang Won (my sincere apologies to poor Hui Jae) because that’s how the entire drama is structured. My Country is one of the most purely homoerotic things I’ve ever watched. If it weren’t for a few limp attempts to imply Seon Ho’s romantic interest was in Hui Jae and not his former friend, I would say “unapologetically homoerotic” but alas, South Korea isn’t quite there yet.
The romance between Hui Jae and Hwi never quite caught fire for me, though lord knows they were trying. It always felt like a side dish to the main course that the drama really wanted to serve: namely the star-crossed relationship of Hwi and Seon Ho. (And this is not meant as a dig toward those who liked the Hui Jae/Hwi romance. This section of the review is just about my subjective experience.)
There were moments where I worried, or couldn’t quite tell where the drama was taking us with regard to Seon Ho and Hwi, or where I feared everything was going to end in senseless destruction and they couldn’t successfully bring the plot to closure in just 16 episodes. But for the handful of issues I had with the writing of the drama, its final resolution was poetically, heart-wrenchingly, perfect.
My Country just pushes so many of my narrative and aesthetic buttons and plays heavily to my id. This is a drama that I’m going to be thinking about for a long, long time. I will definitely be watching it again and I will try to get as many other people to watch it as possible. I liked it that much.
Would I recommend My Country: The New Age? Yes, oh god yes. Please watch it. Watch it and then come talk to me about it. Definitely one of the best of the year.
9/10
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xb-squaredx · 4 years ago
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B-Squared’s Top 10 Games of 2020
I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that having something to distract me from the genuine horrors unleashed during 2020 was vital to staying alive, and for me that means a lot of video games! I played…a lot of games last year, but I spent a lot of time playing older games, so I didn’t get a chance to check out a lot of high-profile games that launched this year. Still, I do want to shine a light on the games that managed to resonate with me even a little bit, that somehow managed to launch this year. So let’s get to it!
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#10 – No Straight Roads
Rarely have I been struck by a single trailer for a game like I was for No Straight Roads. Produced by industry veterans under a new studio, this is a rare game that’s not quite an indie game from a studio full of newbies, but it’s also not produced with the same kind of budget and resources of a Triple-A project. What do we call this? A Double-A game? Single-A? Regardless, I have to give the team at Metronomik some props for delivering a super stylish game in the midst of a very challenging year. No Straight Roads is a rhythm-based action game where two up-and-coming musicians fight to bring back Rock and Roll to the people of Vinyl City. I absolutely adore this game’s presentation, with each major boss being visually unique and having their own feel that compliments the music they bring to battle. There’s some real energy in these animations with character designs that ooze personality, and being a game about music the soundtrack is great! All that being said though, I have to admit I wasn’t a huge fan of the gameplay when all was said and done. It leans way more on the rhythm side of the equation than I was hoping for, and the action felt very shallow. The fixed camera made some phases of some fights a real problem, and the Switch verison, which I played, is plagued with a lot of issues that really brought the game down for me. If the game interests you at all, give it a shot on PC or PS4; I hear those versions are a lot better. Still, I liked the potential I saw in this game and in this studio, so I can only hope they did well enough to continue on. This definitely feels like the kind of passion project that deserves more recognition.
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#9 – Streets of Rage 4
OK, so full disclosure: I didn’t grow up with 2D beat-em-ups. I missed out on all of the greats of the genre back in the day. No Final Fight, no River City Ransom, no Double Dragon, and definitely no Streets of Rage. In more recent years I have tried to dip my toe in the genre, as I did in 2019 with River City Girls. However, I came away from that game a bit disappointed by the overall gameplay and wondered if 2D beat-em-ups were for me. Seeing so much praise heaped onto Streets of Rage 4 had me curious, so I knew I had to try it, if only to broaden my experience in the genre. In many ways, this game is the perfect sequel to a franchise that hasn’t seen any signs of new life in years. It retains what made the series beloved with satisfying combat and challenge, but with a modern touch. The overall art style of the game and music work out pretty well, and I found the act of comboing enemies to be really satisfying. It really doesn’t overstay its welcome either, which is very appreciated in an age of endless timesinks. I also struggled a fair bit with the game, even on Normal, and well after some patches that seemed designed for more casual fans like me. Had this game not had online co-op as an option, I don’t know if I could have beaten the final levels. So my time with this game was pretty rough but despite that I can still see this was a game made with care, and if this game DOES do something for you, there’s plenty of reasons to keep playing on higher difficulties, unlocking more characters and even playing online with friends. Let me put it this way; I’m not all that sure I like the genre and I still liked this game, so I think that counts for something!
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#8 – The Wonderful 101: Remastered
…this one is kind of cheating, I’ll admit! I had a lot of trouble thinking up ten games that really stood out to me this year, honestly. That said, I’ll definitely use loopholes to plug one of my favorite games from years ago. Seven years ago, PlatinumGames launched The Wonderful 101 on the ill-fated Wii U, where it bombed harder than just about anything on the system. For those that gave the game a shot, however, they were quick to discover a deep, complex, and charming action game that plays like nothing else out there. Controlling a team of 100 heroes at once, players form weapons out of the various Wonderful One’s bodies, smacking around giant robots and aliens far larger than them with the power of teamwork! How could you not love that, right?! Now, years later, PlatinumGames is aiming to become more independent and their first act was launching a Kickstarter as a way to get this game on newer platforms. While we may never know why Nintendo gave Platinum their blessing to release this game on non-Nintendo platforms (being as this is still, as far as I know, a Nintendo-owned IP), I’m just glad more people can have access to one of the most unique action games I’ve ever touched.
To sell it another way, this game combines the overall aesthetic of Viewtiful Joe with the shape-drawing action of Okami but with a bit of Bayonetta flair on the side. Basically, this is the culmination of everything director Hideki Kamiya has ever worked on. The Remastered version fixes some issues present from the game’s original release, and while I do think they could have gone a bit further with some changes, it is likely the best way to play the game for many. All those sections that made heavy use of the Wii U GamePad are a tad awkward though, but that held true even back on the Wii U anyway…d-don’t worry so much about that, though! I’d still recommend this game to anyone looking for the type of over-the-top action that only Platinum (and occasionally Capcom) can provide! So please consider joining the Wonderful Ones and Unite Up!
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#7 – Paper Mario: The Origami King
Discourse around the Paper Mario series is…more than a little rough, honestly! Many fans have been quite vocal about not liking the direction the series has been heading with the last few games, but I went into The Origami King with an open mind and ended up really enjoying the game for the most part! What the game lacked in a developed storyline, it made up for with some really strong character moments and memorable setpieces. Bobby and Olivia are among my favorite partners in ANY of the Mario RPGs, easily, and the entirety of the Great Sea section of the game was a really fun adventure. I love the highly-detailed paper-crafted enemies and locales, and the soundtrack really didn’t have to go as hard as it did. While the battles against common enemies didn’t quite click with me, the boss battles throughout the game constantly surprised me with interesting twists on the ring-based combat and are a real highlight for me. I know this game is pretty divisive amongst Paper Mario fans, but I think the franchise has a pretty bright future ahead of it!
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#6 – DOOM Eternal
Fair warning here, but I haven’t quite managed to beat DOOM Eternal at the time of writing this, but what I’ve played so far tells me it definitely belongs here. I think Eternal is hands-down the most intense game I’ve played in a long time. It gets my blood pumping as I dash about, shooting and slicing through demons that are extremely eager to rip and tear me to pieces. I don’t play many shooters in general, so I knew I was going to be in for a rough time, but DOOM Eternal brings it to another level right away. In some respects, I don’t quite agree with various aspects of the core game design that makes the game harder than I think it needs to be at times. The scarcity of ammo, and thus the constant need to use the Chainsaw weapon in order to gain more ammo gets tiring, though that somewhat levels off as more weapons are acquired and players learn of more efficient ways to take out the hordes of Hell. The game’s fantastic soundtrack by Mick Gordon definitely elevates the experience, so it is a huge bummer knowing that he and ID Software had a falling out and he won’t be coming back. I really dig the game’s expansive levels and more focus being put on exploring every nook and cranny for secrets, and certain old-school touches like finding extra lives or cheat codes definitely makes the game feel like it was ripped out of a bygone era and given a modern paintjob at times. Doom is eternal, and with it, so is pulse-pounding shooting action!
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#5 – Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition
Compared to the other re-release of an old game on this list, I think this particular title had a lot more time and care put into it…and it also happens to enhance one of my favorite games on Wii as a bonus! Xenoblade Chronicles on Wii was a game that almost passed me by but even years later, I still adored the characters and world it introduced, and I’ve been happy to see what started as game that was almost stuck in Japan eventually grow into a full franchise. I consider the first game to the best in the series, though it was held back by a few issues later games would iron out. Chief among the problems was the visuals, particularly the character models and…wow does ten years make a world of difference. The Definitive Edition does more than just clean up everyone’s faces, it also cleaned up the game’s cluttered UI, made it easier to track quests and materials for said quests, and added some fun optional challenge missions for veterans to tackle. The bow that adorns the top of this package, however, is the epilogue story Future Connected that serves to tie up some loose ends and gives a particular character some great closure. If you love massive worlds to explore, a compelling, at times over-the-top story, and a deep, rewarding combat system, I can’t recommend THIS version of THIS game enough. If you’re going to give the Xenoblade series a try, there’s no better place to start.
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#4 – Ghost of Tsushima
When Ghost of Tsushima was first unveiled years ago, I didn’t exactly have a high opinion of it. It seemed like a game that put more emphasis on visuals over gameplay, and I was almost certain it would launch as a PS5 exclusive so why bother getting excited when I probably wasn’t going to be an early adopter of the system? To my great surprise, not only was this game confirmed for PS4, it wound up being one of the prettiest games on the platform and well-optimized to boot, even on my old slim PS4. Playing as lone samurai Jin Sakai, players try to repel the Mongel invasion of Japan, but are forced to adopt less-than-honorable tactics to take on this ruthless enemy. Usually when I play stealth games, I find myself frustrated. I feel weak, or limited, and often the games feel overly harsh. If you get caught once, game over and there’s little salvaging being seen. In Ghost of Tsushima however, there’s a great deal more care put into stealth, and at times I’d argue it’s almost too fun to pass up over the sword play. Very few missions in the game force you to go completely unseen, so stealth just because yet another tool rather than a limitation imposed on you.
Swordplay felt a bit less engaging against common enemies (typically just being Simon Says, switching to the appropriate stance for a given enemy), but the one-on-one duels throughout the game were fantastic and I almost wish the game was all about them instead. I can’t overstate how gorgeous this game is either, with a world that feels like it is breathing, as the wind whips through the tall grass, the moon penetrates fog overtaking a creepy forest, or seeing the smoke from an enemy camp wafting over the distance. Hands-down one of the best-looking games on the PS4, and I’m particularly happy that developer Sucker Punch managed to land a hit with a new IP, as those generally feel more risky as times go on. While I’d argue that Ghost of Tsushima doesn’t really redefine how open-world games should be designed, it is an extremely polished experience and manages to do it well, with plenty of opportunities to grow in a potential sequel.
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#3 – Animal Crossing: New Horizons
If there’s any one game that people absolutely needed in 2020, it was Animal Crossing: New Horizons. While there are other games of this type, like Stardew Valley or the Harvest Moon (and later, Story of Seasons games), Animal Crossing is one of the few games that gets mainstream attention while simultaneously running counter to most mainstream gaming trends. No conflict, no combat, no overarching story really…just a game that lets you live your live, day by day on your own terms. I tried getting into the series before with New Leaf but just didn’t stick with it, but New Horizons launched at the perfect time in an imperfect world. Being able to escape the uncertainty and dread that enveloped the world as the pandemic spread for even a little while was a necessity, and thankfully New Horizons had plenty to do to keep idle hands busy. Changes like item crafting and eventually limited terraforming of your island paradise give players so much more agency in decorating their homes and building up something they can be proud of.
We all start as nothing but a small tent on a mostly-empty island, but seeing what people were able to do even in the first few weeks or so was nothing short of amazing. We need more unflinchingly wholesome games in the world, and I’m thankful for Animal Crossing for being there when we needed it, and considering how well it sold and how much post-launch content is expected to be added with time, it remains a sanctuary to return to even now. Just…please let us craft in bulk? Pretty please, Nintendo?
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#2 – Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity
Last year, Nintendo released Astral Chain, a game that no one knew about before release, which was revealed and released with very little gaps between them. It was a game I didn’t know I wanted until it was presented to me, and that trend continues this year with Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity. The first Hyrule Warriors was a fun, surprising spin-off of the main Legend of Zelda series, and Breath of the Wild was a fantastic game that shook up the core of the Zelda franchise, so in hindsight it really does seem like a no-brainer to combine the two into one package. Age of Calamity, for my tastes at least, cuts down on the repetition and overall stressful atmosphere of the first Hyrule Warriors and instead focused on fleshing out it’s core combat and crafting more creative main storyline missions. It helps that the game reimagines iconic locales from Breath of the Wild from before their destruction, and really makes you feel like you’re fighting through actual places rather than just a collection of random keeps that most Warriors games use.
Bringing in aspects like the Sheikiah Slate and Elemental Rods allows players to control the flow of combat more directly on top of letting them be more creative. Freeze enemies standing over water with the Cryonis rune or burn some grass with the Fire Rod to distract certain enemies, among many other things. Each playable character is also very distinct, even in cases where I could have forgiven the developers for reusing some attacks or traits. For one, Link has different movesets for his Sword and Shield, Spear, and Two-Handed weapons, but none of his attack overlap with the other Champions who use similar weapons. Some people might be put off with certain aspects of this game’s story and ultimately not everyone likes the overall structure of the Warriors spinoffs anyway, but for my part, Age of Calamity was one of the best surprises of the year, unveiled right at the end of the year in the nick of time. Of course, there was one game this year that surprised me more than any other.
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#1 – Hades
I’ve known of Supergiant Games for quite a while and very recently began looking through their catalogue of games. They’re known for well-crafted narratives and satisfying combat, and yet when I first saw Hades when it was released in Early Access I was tepid on it. It didn’t look bad or anything, but it didn’t exactly blow me away and even now, I think a random screenshot or quick clip of the game might not do the game justice in explaining the appeal. I already wrote about the game at-length (as my only real non-retrospective blog post of the year, oops!), which you can read here if you want more in-depth praise, but to summarize…Hades is the total package for me.
Playing as Prince Zagreus your end-goal is to escape the puts of Hell, and more specifically get away from your overbearing father, Hades. It’s a rogue-lite, meaning you’re expected to finish the game in one shot and if you die you lose any upgrades you picked up along the way and have to start from scratch…to a point. Hades does allow you to keep a fair amount of items you pick up which can towards small, permanent upgrades or even gifts for various NPCs that can deepen your bond with them. Unlike most other games of this type too, the story constantly moves forward, even after death. The game is about dying over and over and then dusting yourself off to try again, all the while other characters remark on your progress or lack thereof. I grew to really enjoy this cast of characters, a fun spin on the Greek pantheon, paired with excellent voice acting for the entire cast. From the imposing, if somewhat sultry Megaera, to the nervous wreck that is the maid, Dusa, to the pompous ass Theseus, I looked forward to each new run just to learn more about this world and those within it. For once, death wasn’t really a punishment, but a reward, and just part of the process.
Of course, incredibly satisfying combat is ALSO part of the process and it just gets…addicting; muttering “one more run” over and over as you try out different weapons and boons, discovering what works well together and what doesn’t. While at first beating the game felt like it would never happen, I grew from my failures, adapted and eventually overcame. Multiple times. If you want the “full” Hades experience, this game can really demand a lot of time out of you but at the same time it stays fresh, so I can’t really complain. With new gameplay mechanics unlocking as time goes on, to the Pacts of Punishment players can trigger if they want a bit more challenge (or a lot more), Hades is that rare game that just keeps giving and giving. Before I knew it, I had dumped well over 50 hours into it, and I STILL need to get back to the game if I want that epilogue.
Compared to every other game that came out this year, Hades is the one game that grabbed me from moment one and would not let go until I hit credits. When I wasn’t playing this game, I was counting down the minutes until I could play it again, and let me tell you that is rare for me these days. At this point, Hades is clearly the breakthrough hit for Supergiant and I couldn’t be happier. The fact that this game got to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with industry titans at The Game Awards is kind of surreal, but I can’t think of many who deserve that recognition more. It helps that Supergiant is a studio that actually takes care of its employees, which is way rarer than it should be. I don’t mean to hype this game up like it’s the cure for COVID or anything, but I mean it with all my heart that this was the best game I played this year, and I’d recommend it in a heartbeat. I couldn’t stop talking about it for months after playing it, just ask my friends! So yeah, it’s pretty OK I guess.
CONCLUSION
I’m sure my Top 10 List looks a lot different from most out there, but that’s what’s great about games! So much variety and so much quality no matter where you look! Every year, without fail, there’s always at least a small handful of games that come out that I don’t get to, and try as I might I’ll never trim that backlog down. I want to keep playing games for as long as I can, trying out so many different experiences and seeing what this wonderful pastime can offer. For a good chunk of 2020 I was more than a little down, not just because of…you know, but a lot of games that were coming out weren’t appealing to me. That said, seeing as this was the year of shadow drops and announcing things at the last minute, I ended up loving a bunch of games I hadn’t already spend months hyping myself up for, which definitely helped to lift me up this year. Already, 2021 has a lot of titles I’m anticipating though, so it’s sure to be an exciting year.
Happy Gaming.
-B
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gamesdnes948 · 4 years ago
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What kind of monitor should i get for gaming
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continuo-docs · 5 years ago
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天気予報 – ひまわり画像 (February 2019) [Asutenki – Sunflower Image]
Review by L. Fairon https://asutenki.bandcamp.com/album/--21 https://archive.org/details/sunflower-image
Known to specialist vaporwave circles, elusive Japanese producer Asutenki, active since 2017, belongs to the signalwave subgenre, also known as 'broken transmission', a genre where the artist, acting as an archivist of sorts, merely collects sound artifacts from the birth of the digital era and organizes the whole as an album to the benefit of those who can appreciate a bit of media archeology, sonic debris and primitive MIDI technology.
In addition to his role as a selector, the signalwave artist sometimes add Vow & Flutter effects to the source material to increase the vintage feeling, sometimes loop entire sections to enhance the alienating effect, and sometimes add drone music of his own making as a counterpoint. Present since around 2015, broken transmission is produced mainly in the US and Japan, though I'm more interested in the latter country's productions and, as an introduction to newcomers, I would recommend another Japanese artist named 空気系 and his short Scenery album of 2019.
What we have here, though, is a less approachable, rather monstrous project titled ひまわり画像 or Himawari Gazou, meaning Sunflower Image, by artist 天気予報 or Asutenki, meaning Weather Forecast, and self released in 2019. At 6 hours and 26 mns, this is a huge collection of 360 TV ads and TV station IDs, broadcast idents, radio jingles, infomercials and other Japanese media detritus from the 1990s.
Far from being a mere random selection of trendy commercials, though, Sunflower Image is well thought-out and structured. According to the meagre info on Bandcamp, the album is broken into 3 sections and thus is –almost– structured like an Indian raga: tracks #1–120 = Broadcast Starts / Morning ; tr. #121–240 = Afternoon / Sunset ; tr. #241–360 = Evening / Midnight. Just like the sunflower follows the sun during the day, the entire Sunflower Image album seems to register the passing of time on Japanese media during 24 hours, again like a classical Indian raga, as indicated by many tracks simply bearing the hour of the day as their title. Additionally, the album is structured with recurring tracks every 5 or 10 songs and all titled CMブレーク Vol. XXX, though I don't understand the concept – full commercial breaks, perhaps? Near the end of the album (ca tr. #348), after almost 6 hours of commercial crap, some of the inane jingles are progressively replaced by loops and drone sounds crafted by Asutenki himself and the album ends with a haunting, 10mn-long lo-fi, droning sound titled Into The Abyss.
As per the vaporwave ethos, Sunflower Image should be enjoyed as both a nostalgic glimpse of a bygone era and a celebration of the naivety of sound design at the time. Exemplifying the signature sound from the Japanese 1990s, the sound is purposefully lo-fi and wobbly, as if lifted from antique video tapes. The synthetic MIDI style and sound flavour reminded me of Yasuaki Shimizu's Music for Commercials (1987). Being such a long album, Sunflower Image constantly juxtaposes the ugliest and the catchiest, yet some tracks do stand out for me as charming or even beautiful, like track #93 Visibility Surroundings ; #118 Transition Commence ; #203 Urgent & Transparent ; #287 A ; or #354 Coming To A Close. Ultimately, each listener shall find a way to navigate such a rather unmanageable album – I tend to listen to 50-60 tracks in one sitting before getting bored. Granted, this might be a puzzling album, yet one can only marvel at such a unique project and the clever way Asutenki constructed it. [review by L.F., July 2020]
Asutenki's complete works (2017–2019) on Internet Archive: https://archive.org/search.php?query=creator%3A%22%E5%A4%A9%E6%B0%97%E4%BA%88%E5%A0%B1
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ink-and-flame · 5 years ago
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Kinktober Day 10: Accidentally in Fun
Kinktober Day 10 Prompts: Piercing (temporary) || Vaginal dildo || Being bitten Fandom: Bright (2017) Tags: Exophilia, piercing (temporary), dildos, biting, voyeurism (dub-con), premature ejaculation Pairing: Orcgre(m)/Hybrid(f)
[Authors note: I love the Bright franchise and have a ton of OCs in the Bright universe and have written quite a bit for them, just never really posted anything. So while these characters are familiar to me, I don’t think anyone else is really going to know who they are. Tali is an orc/human hybrid that belongs to me and Taz is an orc/ogre hybrid that belongs to my dear friend Prisms. I am using him with her permission. Profiles for these characters can be found here.]
They had officially been dating for a few months now and Tali was starting to go just a little bit crazy. She adored Taz, adored everything about him, but lord was he testing her ability to behave herself. He was shy, new to the whole relationship thing, so Taalah didn’t want to pressure him for sex, or any kind of overt sexual contact. Yes they had kissed, even made out a couple times, but it never went far. At least not far enough for Taalah. Their make out sessions often left her aroused and needy. 
She knew Taz was a virgin and the idea of pressuring him, or using his own arousal to push the issue made her deeply uncomfortable. Until she was sure that he was actually ready to consent to sex, Tali did what she could to keep their make out sessions from going to far, though she will admit knowing that what they did aroused him stroked her ego some. It was clear his body was responding in all the right ways and physically he wanted to go farther, she was more worried about the mental and emotional side of things. Which was why, as usual, she had to hit the breaks. No matter how turned on she got. 
Tonight his hands had wandered under her shirt and it had felt so good that she almost ended up in his lap. Stopping herself Tali had to pull back and take a moment to calm down. Right now she needed a cold shower, as she was at his place that wasn’t really going to work. Plus it really wasn’t all that late and they still had plans for the rest of the evening. They were supposed to go see a movie, but a quick kiss turned into more kisses which turned into full on making out. 
They hadn’t bought the tickets yet which meant that they could skip the movie and do something else if they really wanted. Tali sat back on the couch, sinking into the cushions and smiling as she watched Taz try to casually hide his boner with a pillow. It was adorable how shy he was, really she had never met anyone like him and it just made her want him more. Honestly, they hadn’t been together long, but Tali was pretty sure she was just straight up in love. Or this was the most severe case of infatuation she had ever had. 
“Did you still want to go to the movie? It is getting kind of late and we might not make it on time.” Taalah looked Taz in the eyes, giving him a bit of privacy and pretending she didn’t notice the pillow. 
“We.. we… wecould do some.. Something else.” Taz clenched his jaw, cursing himself. His stuttering was almost gone around her and yet sometimes it acted up. Usually if he got a little too excited. “Not sure what though.” He scratched his chin reminding himself he should shave. Though Tali was still trying to convince him to let his beard and horns grow out. To embrace his ogre side a bit more. 
Taalah sat up, she had an idea. A crazy, wonderful, and probably terrible idea. “How adventurous are you feeling?”
Something in her tone gave Lazarus pause. He trusted Taalah, more than he trusted almost anyone. However, he was aware that she could be mischievous and she was far more adventurous and brave than he was. He still couldn’t bring himself to tell her all the things he wanted, all the things he thought, and considering what they had just been doing he wondered if this was going to be sexual. “I mean, I.. I’m not, not, not as brave as you.” His stuttering was calming down a bit.
“Ok, hear me out. I know you like body mods, I have seen your tattoo’s, and obviously you like piercings. So, what if we hit up a tattoo shop and got some piercings or something?” Tali bounced a bit on the couch, forgetting that her bra was off and her tits were just swaying free under her shirt. 
Taz grinned, she had only seen some of his tattoos. He had others and she was right. He did like body modifications. There were a few piercings he had considered getting but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to get those kinds of piercings with Taalah there. Still it did sound like fun. “Ok, I’m down. Though I have no idea what I am going to get done.”
Tali giggled and hopped up off the couch. “We will figure it out when we get there, grab your stuff let's go!”
Taz had grown used to having Tali on his bike with him, the first time had almost been a disaster, but as she learned how to properly sit and he learned to not let the feel of her body against him distract him, it became easier. He knew exactly which shop to take them to. 
Pulling into the lot he was glad to see they didn’t look crowded, there was a better chance that they would be able to get something done tonight without an appointment. Ushering Tali in to the shop they headed to the counter, Taz looming over her with a hand on her shoulder. 
“And what can I do for you?” The Orc behind the counter asked as he eyed them up and down, his eyes lingering a bit on Taalah.
“Looking to get some piercings if your piercer is available?” Taalah leaned forward looking at the jewelry in the case.”
“Yeah, gonna need to see some ID though. You lookin to get your nipples done?” The orc asked still staring a bit.
Taz didn’t really like where this was going. He knew Taalah was hot, really hot, super fucking hot. Like he honestly had no idea how he got so fucking lucky, she was that got damned hot. He still didn’t appreciate the staring and his nervous energy coupled with him wanting to stand up for her had him answering before she could. “Actually I am getting mine done.”
The orc paused, looking up at Taz. The deep voice had startled him and he almost wasn’t sure if the guy was serious. “Both or just one?”
Now it was Taalah’s turn to try and stay composed. She wanted to laugh so badly, because the situation was kind of funny. Though the idea of nipple piercings was fun. “I don’t know about him, but I want both done.” She looked up at Taz “We can be twinsies”. His expression broke her and she buried her face in his side and started laughing, hard.
Shaking his head Taz just shrugged. “Both as well, I am looking to get rings though. She might want something else.”
The orc nodded. “Yeah, with tits that size I recommend Barbells. The pressure will be more even on the piercings, less chance of rejection.”
He still wasn’t amused, but Taz was going to let it slide. He had not planned to get his nipples pierced but here they were. Showing his ID after Taalah showed hers, they were led to the back room where an elf with more body jewelry than Taz had ever seen on a single person before began to set up. 
“Ok who is first my lovelies?” The elf was smiling up at Taz, giving him a thorough once over. “How about you big fella, why don’t you sit right down and take off your shirt.”
Taalah smiled and reached for his hand, squeezing it. “You go first, I will go second. I want to see this being done. I have a feeling it is going to be easier for you.”
Taz nodded and removed his shirt handing it to Tali before hopping up on the table and laying back as the elf requested. He was a little self conscious of his body, wondering if his body hair was going to be an issue. His chest and stomach had pretty thick coverage, another trait inherited from his ogre side. Though he had much less body hair, and hair in general, than a full blooded ogre. 
“Now, this is going to pinch, actually it is probably going to hurt, but I need you to remain as still as possible.” The elf cleaned the area then helped Taz walk through a breathing exercise before pushing the needle through. First one done, and ring in place, the elf moved to the second. 
Overall Taz handled it rather well, the pain wasn’t nearly as bad as he feared it would be. Though he wasn’t sure if he would actually keep these. He had mostly requested this as a reflex and would probably end up taking them out if they bothered him too much. 
“Darling you did spectacular. Help your little friend up here, and we can start on her.” The elf cleaned up the chair pushed the tray out of the way, sliding over a new one with all new sterile materials. “Ok, sweetheart, this is going to be much harder for you. I need you to stay really still and lay all the way back. I have to make some marks so these will be even so give me just a bit.”
Tali was nervous as she handed her shirt to Taz who was now blushing and trying so hard not to look. His shirt was still off and he was doing his best to be a gentleman. She lay still as the elf measured and had her sit up and lay down a few times to make sure that they would be even no matter what position she was in. He was thorough and Tali appreciated that. He was far more gentle than she expected, and since Taz handled his easily, she really was not prepared for the searing pain as the needle went in. 
Coaxing her through her breathing the elf got the jewelry in one and worked on the second. He noticed the tears in her eyes and glanced at her friend who was looking away. It was kind of adorable, and he managed to finish quickly. “I am sorry sweetie, I know it hurt. Dry your eyes and sit up for me ok?” He handed her a tissue and gave her a once over to make sure they looked even.
Taz couldn’t help looking every now and then, seeing her like this was not what he had expected and the piercings were amazing. He loved them on her and hoped she kept them. The tears worried him and he tried to comfort her by rubbing her back a little bit. Her tears, and his own slight pain was the only reason he had managed to keep from getting an erection, as it was, he had to really focus. 
The elf provided them with cleaning instructions, helped them cover their new piercings and lead them out to the front to pay. He waved as they left and leaned on the counter looking at the orc. “I hope they come back, they are so cute!” 
The orc rolled his eyes. “You just want the big one to raw you like a beast.” 
“Oh honey, I would let him do everything to me, but don’t at like you weren’t wanting to do just that to his girlie. Please, like you are so much better than me.” The elf huffed and went back to clean his room. 
The ride back had excitement coursing through Lazarus, he wanted to bring Tali home with him but it was late and she had already said she couldn’t stay the night tonight, so he headed over to her place. When they arrived he noticed her dad’s truck was gone and parked his bike where it wouldn’t be in the way if he came home while Taz was still there. “I had fun, if … if you don’t want me to come in that is ok.” 
Tali hugged taz and winced a bit. “No you can come in. I swear, I am just going to spend the rest of me evening icing my tits, if that is even allowed.” She would have to check the instructions, but man did her tits throb. She hoped she healed quickly. Being part orc helped, but only so much. Leading Taz inside they headed straight for her room where she set the papers on her desk and then flopped on her back onto her bed. 
There was a pause and then “FUCK”
Taz looked at his girlfriend a bit startled. “Everything ok?”
“I left my bra at your place. It is a new one, expensive. Think it would be ok for me to come get it tomorrow after work?” Tali looked up as Taz sat on the bed smiling at her.
“Of course, I would love to see you. I will put it in a bag so nothing happens to it ok?” His cheeks were dark. 
Getting her bra off had been a bit of an achievement. He was afraid that he would embarrass himself fumbling, but he had managed to get it unhooked after only a couple tries. Though watching her take it off without removing her shirt had seemed like a bit of a magic trick, but he wasn’t going to complain. The feel of her breasts in his hands had excited him and he wanted more, despite the pain he was feeling, he wanted more right now.
When Tali reached up for him, Taz moved to lay beside her, being careful of her new accessories. Ht did not want to ruin the moment by causing pain. Nuzzling at her cheek he kissed her shyly. “You sure? I know it hurts. Mine hurt, but yours seemed a bit worse.”
Tali laughed lightly. “Kissing wont bother me. Though, is it just me, or was that whole experience super hot?” She moved to her side so she could look at him. This way his weight wouldn’t be on her and they could still kiss a little bit. “Also, I am pretty sure that elf was attracted to you.”
“Ye.. yeah, uh.. Yeah.. it was really fucking hot.” Taz breathed as he leaned in kissing her. Pausing at the elf comment and pulling back to look at her. “You think?”
Laughing harder Taalah nodded and stroked his face letting her fingertips trail over his ears. “Yeah, I am pretty sure he was into you. I don’t mind, he can look, but you are mine.” She bared her tusks at him playfully.
“Yes I am, and you are mine.” Taz smiled, his dual set of tusks more noticeable as he leaned in. “And I think everyone needs to know it.” He kissed her, with more confidence than he had earlier. Each time they were physical it was easier for him to initiate and show Tali how much he wanted her.
Their kisses were slow, sweet at first, but quickly escalated. Taz felt himself growing hard  as he kissed down her neck. He was sitting up, pulling her into his lap, wanting to feel her more against him. The heat between her legs pressing against him was driving him crazy. There was so much he wanted to do and it was taking all his will power not to grind up against her. Then she went for his horns and Taz almost lost it. 
Since he filed down his horns they were really sensitive. For some reason he could not understand, having his horns played with went straight to his dick. He was convinced if she played with them enough he might just cum. As it was he was losing the ability to think straight and his grip on her hips tighted as he pulled her harder down against him. Normally he would stop her, move her hands, but it just felt so fucking good. 
Groaning against her neck Lazarus couldn’t stop himself from arching up into her. The feel of the heat of her, the sensitivity of his horns, it was too much. His kisses along her neck turned to nibbles then bites. One particularly good scratch of her nails against his horns had him sinking his tusks into her neck almost hard enough to break the skin and leave a mark. As it was, it was going to leave a bruise. 
Pulling back panting, Taz gripped Taalah’s wrists and rested his forehead against hers. “I.. if you.. You keep…. Ke.. keep.” He bit his lip taking a breath. Why couldn’t he just fucking talk like a normal person. Taking a deep breath to slow his heart rate, Taz tried again. “I.. might embarrass myself if we keep going.”
Taalah had been surprised that he had let her play with his horns for as long as she had, the bite on her neck had made her grind down hard against him, and she was pretty sure that if they kept going, she was going to cum. Which she realized that  was probably what Taz meant. It was the only thing she could think of that he meant since he had an erection and it wasn’t the first time that he had gotten hard while they made out. Wanting to make him feel better she whispered. “.. uh.. Me too.”
It was almost funny how wide his eyes went when she admitted that. She could see the slight confusion, followed by the realization, followed by the realization of the realization. Overall it was a remarkable face journey that would have made her laugh if she wasn’t so worried about how sensitive Taz could be sometimes. “Sorry, didn’t mean to make it weird.”
“N.. n. .. no, I.. not weird.” He huffed and released her wrists to slide his hands down her arms. “I, uh.. Am flattered.” Now Taz wasn’t sure what to do. They could keep going, but he wasn’t sure she really wanted that. He wanted that, but he also was worried about how she might react. That and he did not have a change of clothes. As horny as he was, the idea of trying to ride home on his motorcycle with jizz filled boxers sounded like no fun and he was just not here for that experience. 
“Do.. do you want to stop?” Taz had to ask. If she wanted to keep going then he would just figure it out. He could use her bathroom to clean up, it couldn’t be that bad really.
“We don’t have to, I know you want to take things slow and I wasn’t really expecting things to escalate this fast.” Taalah leaned back and smiled at him. “It is ok, I am not mad I promise. Also, my dad could show up any time, and while I am a grown adult, I don’t know how I feel about him hearing that.”
The reminder of her father potentially interrupting them was all he needed to make his decision. “Well.. maybe.. Maybe next time you come over? If you want to that is.” He wanted her to know that he was ok with how far they had gone, that he was willing to do more if she wanted, it was just hard to express that sometimes. 
Tali smiled and nodded, giving him a few moments to calm down before climbing off his lap. “If you don’t want to be out during the bar rush you might want to head out. Text me when you get home ok?”
Nodding Taz stood and kissed her, smiling as she walked him out. She wasn’t wrong, while he still had a good hour before the bars let out. He really did not want to be on the road then. Too many people taking risks and he wanted no part of it. Hopping on his bike Lazarus waved and headed off,  making it home in record time as there was little to no traffic. 
Picking up his phone he sent Tali a text letting her know he was safe and set his phone on his bedside table as he got ready for bed. Hopping into bed in just his boxers, Taz picked up his phone and saw Tali’s text. He smiled, responding and waiting. He wasn’t sure if she was going to be up much longer, but sometimes just texting her was enough and it certainly helped when he got excited. Sometimes it was better than porn, but he would never tell her that. He didn’t want her to get upset if she knew how often he jerked off while they texted. 
There were an unusual number of typos in her response and Taz was curious, especially when he saw the pop up indicating she wanted to video chat. Accepting the chat he was even more confused when he saw her ceiling and what was maybe blankets. He couldn’t see her face, and almost spoke until he heard what was unmistakably a moan. That moan was followed by whimpers and more moans, along with, something else he couldn’t place. 
Muting his mic Taz turned up the volume on his speakers. His eyes went wide, he was pretty sure he knew that sound. Taalah was masturbating, and from the sound of it using a dildo or vibrator for penetration. He only recognized the sound due to all the porn he watched, and it certainly sounded a lot like some of the videos he had gotten into. He really liked the ones with sound, and his cock was instantly and almost painfully hard. 
This was a mistake, Taalah had no idea he was listening to her, no idea that she had made a call. It was wrong of him to keep listening, and yet, part of him couldn’t stop. He was transfixed, the sounds of her moaning, the wet slick noises of her touching herself. He imagined what the toy might look like, though he had no proof she was using anything at all. Really he was just guessing, and concentrating so hard on the sound that he didn’t even realize he was stroking himself until he moaned in time with her. 
Lazarus felt ashamed, listening to his girlfriend masturbate without her consent. He had already crossed a line when he stole her panties, but this was different. This was too far. Reaching for his phone to hang up it was too late. He heard Taalah cry out loudly, clearly reaching orgasm if the intensity of her cries were a clue. The other hint was that she called out his name and despite having barely touched himself Taz ejaculated all over his hand and stomach. 
Hearing her panting he reached over and disconnected the call, panicking as he realized what he had done. He would have to come clean, apologize, and pray that she didn’t dump him over this. Looking down at himself he was both shocked and a little disgusted. Lazarus had fantasized about Tali crying out his name like that pretty much since he realized his attraction to her. To actually hear it had clearly been more than he could handle, and it was even better than he imagined. 
Looking at his phone sadly anxiety began to fill him. Maybe she wouldn’t notice, of course her history would show a call. Fuck he was pretty much screwed no matter what. All he could do was clean up and hope that he could some how make up for this. 
Unfortunately before he could clean up his phone rang, it was Taalah, though not a video chat this time just a regular call. He honestly was tempted to just let it ring, but he wasn’t going to be a coward about it. Sighing he answered his phone. 
“Hey Tali.” Keeping it simple he waited. “Yeah, I was about to respond to your text when the video chat popped up. It was weird, you weren’t there, just your ceiling.” His body was shaking, he had to tell the truth. “I.. I did.. Didn’t… i mean…” fuck, he was stuttering and he felt the tears burning in his eyes. “M’sorry. I.. i couldn’t ha.. Hang.. hang up.. In. in t.t.time.” 
Taz paused, the pressure on his chest lifting. “Not much, it was kind of muffled.”  ok that was a lie, but he did have to turn the sound way up. “Oh… um… y.. Yeah..” She knew what he heard and he was shocked. She wasn’t mad, just embarrassed. “I will make it up to you.” He was smiling a bit now, the anxiety fading. “I insist.” 
He wanted to hide under his pillows, but couldn't. “Uh.. yeah… really…. Really fucking hot.” Her laugh made him feel better and he was glad that it didn’t end the way he feared it might. Part of him wondered if it had been on purpose, but her embarrassment was real enough that he realized that wasn’t the case. It just would have made him feel a bit better.
“You want to what?” Taz was shocked. She wanted to try this again, only with both of them participating and aware. “Um.. right now?”. His dick was already hard again, and that would have been a surprise if not for the fact that he knew himself and going more than once was something he did when he was really aroused. It seemed neither Lazarus or Taalah was going to be getting much sleep tonight. 
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super-neato-spells · 7 years ago
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So, you wanna learn more about Witchcraft?
Here are some tips, tricks, and a list of resources/ideas on how to learn more about the craft.
📚Lets get physical 📚
One of the easiest ways of learning more about the craft is reading. There are TONS of books out there that’ll teach you anything and everything about witchcraft. From history to guides, there’s a book for it.
“But faceless witch blog!” You cry, “where can I get books from?”.
Fear not, fellow witch, for I the humble library helper is here.
Here are a few places you can find books about (or related to) the craft.
•libraries: holy grail materials. Usually, you’ll find a poster or what not that explains the dewy decimal system, or they have a physical or digital catalog you can search. Some examples of sections you might find things in are the Metaphysical section, religion section, and reference.
~Library Tip: if you wanna learn about the history, take it from my librarian. Books written in the 70s will have more information than books written in the 80s (they were more excepting of witchcraft in the 70s).
•book stores: you can go to any book store and find books about witchcraft. (Barnes and noble, half priced books, etc). You could just sit there and read the book without even buying it (no stealing, karma is a bitch y’all). Second hand shops are also great for finding cheap books about the craft.
~Tip: if you have a Barnes and Noble membership, USE IT TO DEATH. But if you don’t, consider investing in one. Half Priced Books will buy books off of you, and pay you CASH. Although, you do need to be 18 or have a photo ID to have your books purchased.
•online: ok so this ones not at all tricky, except at the moment it kinda is. Since Amazon is being boycotted by some, this might not be an option. But they do have a decent selection to choose from. Other places like EBay, Etsy, etc will also have books for sale.
~tip: COMPARE PRICES AND READ REVIEWS!!!!!!!! You might be able to find a book cheaper on another website. Reading reviews will also give you a better idea of the product.
🤫 discreet learning🤫
“B-but faceless witch blog! I’m not out of the broom closet!! Or I’m a minor!!! Or there is another troll at the bridge!!! How will I learn now?!?!”
Fear not, small one (or tall one, I have no clue what you look like), I am here to help some more.
•incognito mode: ok, while this has been reserved to searching up weird questions about weird stuff and no no things, it can be useful to those who might have an accessible search history. Turn it on, and search for what ever you need. BUT always remember to turn it off after. If someone searches something after, they might be suspicious as to why incognito is on.
•podcasts: GUYS you have no clue how much you can learn from listening. It’s easy and discreet (and usually free). There are TONS of options to listen to!
•YouTube: again, lots of options. A few recommendations would be Harmony Nice, Aniias, etc. Harmony Nice has a series where she explains holidays, paths and practices. Aniias has some similar videos too (and they collabed that one time).
•right here: fam. If you’re reading this, that means you have a cornucopia of info in front of your face. Tumblr *cough* Hell *cough* has plenty of witches running a muck on here (me included). There are so many people here with info to be shared. BUT REMEMBER not everyone is sunshine’s and rainbows. Don’t let others tell you how to do your craft. Your path is personal, and while guidance is appreciated, don’t let someone control your path. And also remember, we don’t all have the answers. Don’t get upset if someone is unable to or refuses to answer your question. Be polite PLEASE.
•apps: there are tons of apps to choose from. These can be hidden on your phone fairly easy. But if your phone is checked frequently, this is probably not the safest bet.
🌱well, those are some of my thoughts. If you think of any, FEEL FREE TO ADD!!! I’d love to hear some of your thoughts and recommendations! If you have questions, don’t be shy! I’ll do my best to answer!🌱
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torannosaurusrexy · 7 years ago
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Beautiful Demise
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Chapter 1: “White Roses”
➝ Genre: Fic
➝ Pairing: Park Jimin | Reader (Potentially Others as the Story Progresses)
{Assassin!AU} {Dom!Jimin} {Sub!Reader} {Alcohol Consumption} {Kissing} {Neck Kissing} {Interrupted Sex} {Blood} {Death} {Hospitilization of Relative} 
WARNING: This AU is explicit, contains dark themes, violence, and language some readers may find unsettling, please take caution when reading.
➝ Word Count: 8080
➝ Summary: Beautiful white roses are, aren’t they? So pure, deprived of color. And yet, some would find them even more breathtaking drenched in red. Crimson red, the most beautiful of all concealed within those harboring a beating heart. All the more eye-catching when spilled in an amorphous puddle though, but they’re trained not to leave a mess.
Park Jimin, an assassin built purely on stealth alone, is finding every way possible to sneak up on and steal your heart from under you.
Next | (Ch. 2)
Snip
Snip Snip
“They sure have come in beautifully this year.” A soft voice calls from the door, the familiar chime of the old copper bell hanging above urging you to turn.
Your mouth curls into an equally gentle smile, “It’s hard to disagree, the petals are even softer than last years.”
“Oh, I don’t doubt it, with your delicate hands tending to them.” The woman responds, she visits often, being a regular customer and supporter of your small but well-known flower boutique.
“Oh please, Mrs. Herondale. The flowers make their own beauty, I merely water them.” You tuck away your scissors, giving them a quick pat once settled into your pocket. “Would you like a bouquet? They’re sure to fly off the shelves, I recommend you buy them now instead of later…” You twiddle your fingers, hoping to make a sale, “That’s only if you came in here for that…”
“Silly girl, One does usually enter a flower shop in the search of flowers.” Her bright eyes and cherub cheeks supply a sense of bliss, similar to the feeling arranging bouquets gives you. It’s as if she belonged surrounded by beautiful things. “I’ll take an arrangement please, white roses and lilacs if you don’t mind.”
“Buying for someone? That’s a wonderful arrangement you’ve decided on... I’m sure they’ll be beyond grateful.” You let a pair of gloves cover your scraped and cut up hands, who knew something so beautiful could also prove ruthless and sharp.
The woman sighs, her short stature appearing even shorter as she leans against the large windowsill to smell some of the flowers on display. “I’m sure she would’ve loved them.”
A chill rides the length of your spine, shit, “I’m sorry?” The soft mirth filled tone in her voice has been replaced by a much harder dry sound, one you almost don’t recognize.
“My sister, you see, loved white roses and lilacs. When she passed I knew no place better to get them from than here.” No tears leave her eyes, but judging by the expression on her face, the salty droplets could cascade her cheeks with one quick blink.
A moment of silence floods the airy room, a dreary silence that has no business in a flower boutique. “I’ll tend to them with extra care then.” She nods a thank you, blinking slowly at your words of comfort. Even if you were speechless at the mention of the reason for the flowers. Sadly, exchanges like this one were often routine. Families and friends of the passed on ordered extravagant arrangements frequently. Even so, the number of happy events where flowers were needed was much higher. Weddings were beautiful, but death was equally breathtaking.
“Your grandmother is a lucky woman,” She says, “To have her beautiful granddaughter taking such good care of the shop.”
You blush, not many people call you beautiful on a daily basis, “It’s no walk in the park, but Nana deserves the world, with her being so sick...I can’t help but want to take away some of the burden she bore for so long. Tending to the shop is the least I could do.” A weak smile tugs at the corners of your lips, chapped and in desperate need of lip balm. You really were peeling at the seams.
“Well with your father missing…” She stops herself. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to speak so openly about such a tender subject…” You continue arranging the flowers, trying with all your might not to yell and explain how your father was a lying asshole that left you and your feeble grandmother in a time of need...surely he did leave you. Right? “Bless you girl...for being so strong.” She places a comforting hand on your shoulder, it’s been so long since motherly affection graced you so effortlessly.
You gulp, handing her the bouquet, “Have a wonderful day, enjoy the flowers...and my condolences.” The bouquet she paid for and now held was without a doubt one of the prettiest you’d ever made. The purple lilacs gave that most intoxicating pop of color every gloomy setting needed, for intricacy, you added some forest green grape leaves amongst petals of the arrangement; but by far, the most beautiful accent had to be the white roses. Serene, pure, and full of a mystery that for years no one could solve. To speak of white roses cruelly was a curse in itself.
God, you loved white roses.
“Goodbye dear.”
“Goodbye Mrs. Herondale…”
[15:14] Tessa Hey girl! Thinking about going out tonight! You’re coming so don’t even try to wiggle out of it!
Ugh.
[15:16] Hey! Can we reschedule? I have a new shipment to unload, some help from my bestest best friend in the world would be greatly appreciated…
Please, please, take the bait...
[15:17] Tessa Well those peonies will have the wait! We’re going out, no questions asked!
You sigh, knowing that fighting her on something so trivial and fun to most would prove exhausting, not to mention you’d lose and end up right back here, with evening plans and a dozen thorn cuts.
[15:19] I was tending to daffodils...but fine.
The drawer used for storing scissors and gloves glides effortlessly open when you pull at it, carefully placing down your dirty - in need of a beating - garden gloves next to your grandmother's pristine pair. You eye the little white roses on them, their original angelic white replaced with an eggshell sort from all the gardening she used to do...You lift the glove, leaving the opposite to remain amongst the others. You crumple the tough material in the palm of your hand, holding it up to your nose as you start to sob.
It smells of her, mint, fresh mulch, and of course, the faint lingering smell of daisies and hydrangea...all scents she wore well. You’ve counted the days in which they’ve sat in that ugly top drawer, not consciously knowing that their wearer would never again put on gardening gloves…
Ding.
You wipe your eyes.
[15:22] Tessa My bad your highness, and good! We’re gonna have a blast. I’ll see you later ;)
Sure…
Pounding bass echoed from inside the one club in this city Tessa had yet to step into. Tessa is quite the unruly party animal. Countless times have you had to drag her away from guys leaning towards taking advantage of her outrageous acts of gyrating her hips to every song that blasts through the speakers. She read amazing reviews apparently, at least that’s what she told you. “According to the reviews on this place, the guys here are always stupid hot.” She chimes, grabbing your wrist and running her thumb back and forth ferociously over the top of your palm. Not that any of what she had said really pertained to you as much more than a passing comment.
“______? You in there?” She asks, her gorgeous blonde curls bouncing just as her breasts do when she continuously jumps up and down on the balls of her feet with excitement.
You nod, looking through her rather than at the bold eyeshadow she wears with gold flecks gracing her lids. “Maybe we should go, we’ve been standing here forever, they’re probably full…” You suddenly say, turning on your heel and moving past one gaggle or overly giddy french whores that we’re in no way getting into this establishment. Tessa knows full well that the club scene wasn’t yours, hers perhaps but definitely the opposite of what you’d prefer to be doing. Sitting home with a gallon of ice cream and a cringy romantic love story that ends with the guy getting the girl and living happily ever after, something that rarely happens in regular human society.
“Woah woah woah!” Tessa drags you back, grabbing you at the waist and shuffling you backward into the same crowded space you took a step away from. “Where do you think you’re going huh? C’mon, there’s only a few people ahead of us.” Her hands fall from your hips, the booming bass making your head pound, even from out on the bustling street. “You look way too hot to turn your back on this outing. It would be a waste of an outfit.” She smiles, her blushed cheeks bunching beautifully.
“Ladies?” A broad, deep-voiced man asks in a tone more chilling than stone. When you look away from Tessa she realizes the small crowd ahead of you had been admitted to the club and it was your turn for entry. “Step up and show some ID, I’d hate to turn two lovely ladies like yourselves away.”
“Oh stop it you big lug!” Tipsy Tessa, the flirtatious beast has come out to play, and you aren’t even inside yet. Those few tequila shots she had really got her going, you were more of a wine and champagne kinda gal yourself, but you weren’t opposed to something as intense as tequila.
The bouncer smiles, a straight line of a smile that just barely curves up at the corners. “ID, please.” He answers to Tessa’s flirtation, holding out his large palm. You hand him yours immediately, prepared ahead of time and ready to come out of the tiny rat purse known as a clutch. Tessa...on the other hand...put the card in her bra. Of course. She reaches down the front of her short cocktail dress and pulls out her driver’s license. The bouncer remains stoic, even so you feel as if you might puke with embarrassment for your best friend. “Looks good ladies.” He hands back the cards, one warm with body heat, the other cold as plastic should be. “Enjoy.” Pulling back the dipping navy blue velvet entrance rope, he grants the two of you entry.
A sharply dressed man, close to but not equally as broad as the bouncer outside opens one of the two large main doors, flooding the busy streets with the sounds of a heavy crescendo, booming music that forces your heart to pound against your rib cage. He winks as you pass, your heart making a beeline for your throat. “Damn look at all those fresh pieces of ass!” Tessa practically screams when the main room, where dozens of sweaty people are gathered, comes into view.
“Tess! Don’t just scream stuff like that!” You yell into her ear. She waves you off.
“Who cares?! No one was gonna hear it anyway!” She skips off towards the bar, leaving you to sluggishly trail behind like a lost puppy.
“I did…” You mumble.
Tessa perches herself on one of the many bar stools, puffing her chest out at the attractive barkeep. “Two cosmopolitans love…” She coos, earning a ‘You got it’ from the dark dressed man. She taps her nails against the hardwood of the bar, swaying with the bass. She looks to you, taking in your odd behavior. “What is up with you?” Her eyes, unlike her voice, are soft, caring and, full of an undeniable curiosity. “You haven’t talked much all night.”
“The night just started.” You answer quickly, staring at the brightly lit wall of various types and kinds of liquor encased in illuminated glass bottles diverse in color.
Tessa grins, spinning to face the dance floor, legs crossed. “Bingo.” She pokes your arm. “God I love this song!” She suddenly bursts, throwing her hands up and leaping off her stool in recognition to the familiar beat. Thankfully, it remains standing, you worried her exuberant behavior would force the stool to the ground, that's when you notice the screws pinning it to the concrete.
“Tess!” You yell after her, “The drinks! Dammit.” She’s out of earshot, or more like her ears will be bleeding in a matter of seconds, blocking any sound from protruding. So much for attempting to put your lungs to good use.
The bartender soon returns, two brilliantly made cosmopolitan’s in hand. With the arrival of drinks comes your groveling best friend, her hair less put together than it was when you arrived and a number of thirsty eyes following her. “Woo!” She shouts, picking up her cocktail and throwing back at least half of it. “Did you see me out there?” You can’t help but smile at the utter joy written on her face.
“How could I not? You practically dominated the dance floor. All eyes were on you.” You sip the cosmo, smiling as you swallow, but internally cringing at the overpowering sour taste gliding the plain of your taste buds, surely burning them as it goes. Tessa’s long silence has you growing nervous, never ever, especially with alcohol flowing through her system, is Tessa quiet.
“Not all eyes.” She gestures to the far end of the bar with a tip of her chin. You follow her gaze, looking at the various bar-goers. She must be talking about a man sitting at the bend in the bar, no young man. His hair is dark, nearly black, with orange highlights along the ends. He nurses a brown liquor from a short glass, his eyes are hard, but not frightening. Even when his cover is blown, the sharply dressed man refuses to look away, his blade like gaze entranced by something about you. “Go talk to him.” Tessa orders, giving you an encouraging push forward.
You whip your head around to face her, fast enough to hurt your neck and to make your eyesight go white for a second. “What? Are you crazy?!”
She rolls her eyes, “If you don’t I will, and I think we both know that’s not what he wants.” She winks, “Now gulp that liquid courage and grow a pair!” You shake your head no, looking from her to your drink, only to land your eyes on the ethereal stranger at the curve in the bar.
Wow.
Without looking back at Tessa you swallow your pride and the cosmo for good measure. You slide off the barstool and begin to close the distance between you and the eye candy. “That’s my girl!” You hear Tessa yell before she swallows her own liquid courage and heads for the dance floor, definitely keeping you within watching distance.
“This seat taken?” You ask, caressing the barstool as if it were a prized jewel. Your hand shaking nervously due to the way his copper brown eyes meet yours, the softness they portray reminding you of the delicacy flower petals withhold.
“Not at all, although, you won’t be sitting long.” His words baffle you, a gentle smirk riding the thick mass of his lips. “I was about to ask you for a dance.” He explains, rising off his barstool. He snaps his fingers, the barkeep rushing to his beck and call. He points to the glass he left in his wake, barely drank from, practically untouched. “Shall we?”
“You didn’t want that?” You fold your arms over your torso, pushing up the swell of each breast all to attract his eyes, something Tessa taught you to do, but the motion doesn’t suit you and you fear he’ll pick up on that. Besides the slight cocking of an eyebrow, he remains unphased, not even giving those parts of you a second glance.
“I don’t think i’ll need it, you’re pretty enough without the influence of alcohol.” He takes your hand, gently encasing your fingers in his palm. “Besides, it hadn’t been that fine a year, barely worth my time.”
“Unlike me?” He hesitates, turning to face you once he reaches the lit dance floor.
“Yes, unlike you.” The mysterious young man smiles, a genuine smile that has his eyes crinkling and straightening out in delight. Something about him is frightening, intimidating, and confident. Despite all those factors, he gives you an adrenaline rush. Not knowing his name nor anything about him other than his high-end pallet and infatuation with only the finest years of alcohol fueling that fire underneath you.
He continues to hold your hand, pulling you close enough where your chest hits his. “Who did I see you with?” He asks, gesturing back to the bar where he had first seen you. His one hand resting on the curve of your side just above your hip.
You look up, into his eyes trying to drown out the loud bumping music that for some reason the two of you sway to slowly. “Tessa?”
“Tall? Blonde? Looked like she had a bit too much of this places cheap liquor?” You giggle, the sound drowned out by the crowds' screams and cheers.
“That would be her…” You loll your head with amusement, hanging it low before lifting it to face him again when you inhale. “She’s my best friend.” You see him ‘ah’ in response, not hearing the sound of realization that was sure to pour from his gaping mouth. “She dragged me here tonight, thought I needed some time away from the stressful life I live.”
“Well, I’m sure glad she did. It seems I happen to be in town at the perfect time.” His fingers twitch against your side, sending chills fleeing from the area. You blush, averting your eyes to prevent it from becoming readable.
“You said you enjoy fine tastes, and that you’re only visiting town.”
“Did I?” He answers cockily.
“I assumed, based on your earlier words.” One of your hands moves closer to his neck, the longer dark strands of hair brushing your still coarse and rough fingertips.
He exhales an amused breath. “You assumed correctly-” A rather rude shove from the tipsy crowd moves the two of you, your dance partner takes the brunt of the brute force, steadying himself while gripping you tightly at the waist. You hadn’t realized your eyes had closed to prevent a contuse from forming after being hit; upon reopening you spot a woman, perhaps your age although her worn face and tough features hint she may be older. She grips the material of your company’s opulent suit jacket tightly, her eyes fixed firmly on his face. She’s clearly drunk without reason and appears to be alone, unless her own group of inebriated friends is gathered around here somewhere.
“Why you’re rather handsome...where are you staying tonight? I’d love to go back there with the likes of you on my arm.” She giggles, tugging him toward her.
He releases your hip, shifting you behind him as he turns to face the woman making moves on him. “I appreciate the offer, but I’m staying with my grandparents. I doubt they’d appreciate the unwanted company.” You bite your lip to keep from laughing, to see him dismiss her so smoothly and without a second thought is astonishing...and hot. The girl mumbles something under her breath as she walks away, eyeing you up and down all while stumbling off to meet the unappreciative gaze of the barkeep, one you’re sure to remember later. “Let’s go outside, I’d rather that not happen again.”
You snicker, “Are you really staying with your grandparents?” He guides you by the waist through the rowdy crowd, his fingers whispering against the tight back of your one nightly clubbing dress. You spot Tessa who dances in tune to the beat, her hair no longer pinned half back; all her gorgeous ringlets free to unravel themselves at will, coming from the coil that holds them in a death grip to fall gracefully around her sweat-drenched neck. You take note of her positioning in the club and catch her eye. She slows her movements to smile, dropping her jaw to mouth a ‘damn’ that you roll your eyes at. She returns to ogling at the DJ and you to the conversation started with your mystery man.
“God no, I’m here on business,” He starts, “Once I complete the few things that need my attention here…” He pauses, gulping,  “I’ll be heading home.” You lick your lips as a means to capture his attention, stretching your neck to one side and rubbing the exposed skin he can see. Upon looking back at his bright pearlesque smile and seeing it melt as he spots what you’re playing at, you see the tip of his tongue snake over the corner of his mouth, poking and prodding before moistening his lips with ferocity. You can’t help but stare, his features depict a completely new and welcomed feeling inside you, a feeling you’ve never experienced. One that even now, as you register it coursing through you, you can’t figure out. Similar to the mystery behind white roses and their beauty.
He looks away when cool air breezes past from the door leading to a back patio just briefly seen when a stumbling man opens it and walks through, turning away from you to occupy the space of another hallway. The man scoffs, grumbling to himself before trying to evacuate the phlegm that’s gathered in the back of his throat. The carob eyed young man whose continued to treat you as a gentleman should, holds the door open for you, ignoring the unpleasant greeting from the man who walked through the door previously; following with generously sized strides after you. You stop, taking in the new aura surrounding this open space. Wicker seating surrounds a lit fire pit, and a table with chairs graces the outer area that must be used for parties and summer entertainment. A greeting nod comes from a separate barkeep that polishes the inside of a glass with a delicate hand wrapped in a cream-colored cloth, one damp with moisture surely from the bars granite top.
You turn on your heel.
“You still have yet to tell me your name,” You grin, straightening the open collar of his dress shirt tucked politely into his black denim jeans.
He sets his jaw, a smirk snaring the breathtaking pair of lips he teases you with. “I can say the same for you.” His amusement grows when he gestures to the bartender, his attention squeezed tightly by the unsettling confidence your acquaintance bears. “Two glasses of Dom Perignon 2009, if you have it.” He turns back to you, his hands linking behind his waist.
“We only sell that by the bottle sir.” The barkeep announces, his straight face knowingly distressed when he absorbs the intoxicating aura your generous associate exudes, a class you can only hope and pray to one day give off. One that quickly dragged you in by the throat down into this pit of ardent stoicism.
Your company scoffs, running a hand through his dark brown and orange dusted locks. It pains you to sit next to something, no, someone, so beautiful.
Like white roses.
“A bottle then.” He retorts, sending you aghast with a raise of your eyebrows.
“You’re kidding,” You blurt belatedly, “That’s going to cost you a pretty penny.” Champagne, and the finest of breeds. It’s not whose ordered it that shocks you, it’s that he’s willing to drop so much on a girl he’s just met. You know you’re bottom of the barrel, scraped off the floor of the full vat, one filled with plenty of unsuspecting and much prettier girls.
Who is this man?
He guides you to the bar, waiting for you to sit before he does. Even when still, his body grasps firmly to a grace and unearthly elegance. “You know your alcohol.” He smiles, pivoting to face you; his one arm resting on the granite bartop with his fingers loosely folded into a fist.
“Yes,” You nod, “What I don’t know, is your name.” He moves his eyes back and forth between yours, an almost nefarious air to him now.
“Jimin,” He bequeaths, “Park Jimin.” The bartender returns with an elegant bottle of sparkling Dom Perignon, peeling back the black encasement and untwisting the wire preventing the cork from flying free. Once unwound, he removes the cork delicately. You yelp, expecting a loud pop that ceases to come. They chuckle, “We’ll manage.” Jimin says, reaching for the bottle from the bartender who nods his head approvingly before leaving the two of you alone.
“Park Jimin.” You repeat. He flinches at the sound of his name, clearly admiring the way you speak it. “Foreign?” You ask, suddenly feeling the weight your heart takes on at the thought of never again seeing the man ahead of you all thanks to distance.
He nods, “I was born in Busan, South Korea.” You clench your jaw, “But my close friends and I moved just a few hours away all to expand our working range.”
You sigh, relief flooding you from head to toe. He pours you a glass all while smiling at the way you melt into your seat when he reveals that he doesn’t live in a foreign country any longer. “They’re more like my brothers actually.” You bat your eyelashes when the cool temperature of the tall glass glazes over the tips of your fingers. He holds it up, “To your health, happiness, and beauty.” You blush scarlet, your eyes twinkling just as the stars trapped within the champagne do.
Clink.
The sound echoes, finding the crackling of the firepit, dancing hand and hand across the solid brick wall of the building still bumping with life. Of course, the distant murmur of city bustling and alcohol-induced giggles leak through into your ears. “So,” You swallow, “Is this expensive bottle of Dom Perignon your way of saying you want to be my sugar daddy now?” You joke, the words jet-propelled from your lips, the usual filter at the back of your throat now disintegrated by his dashing good looks and smooth gulps of champagne. Jimin nearly chokes on his mouthful, pausing the swirling of his glass with a sudden lock of his wrist.
“No,” He swallows, hitting his chest gently to get the rest of the bubbles down. “Although you are a great candidate.” He smiles, setting down his champagne, “Perhaps I just enjoy splurging on beautiful woman.”
You roll your eyes, “And how often does that happen?”
A long silent beat.
“Rarely.” He finally relinquishes, his voice so impossibly full and yet so dry.
You bite your lip.
The movement of your mouth causes Jimin to look down, eyeing your lips like a stalking house cat, no, a tiger prowling the open fields towards its unsuspecting prey. With a force only known to those desperate souls roaming the Earth, Jimin leans forward and kisses you. Despite the intensity behind the impact, the kiss itself is impeccably soft, the swell of his lips moving in perfect harmony to your own. The empty courtyard seems even emptier when the viciously precise man stands, never separating your lips as his hands lift you off the barstool to instead fastidiously place you against the cool bar top.
“J-Jimin…” You stutter, spreading your legs around him and pulling his hips closer. His breath hitches as the sound of his name pours from your lipstick smudged mouth, the length of your neck now peppered with kisses broken only by the steady desperate breaths leaving Jimin’s lungs in the form of low, Earth rumbling moans. He grabs at your dress ardently, belatedly skidding the tips of his fingers across the smooth interior of your thighs, which contrary to yours are soft, well cared for, and not covered in thick calluses formed by years of tending to flower beds instead of your nail beds. His short nails provide indelible pleasure by laying out the playing field and sending fleet upon fleet of chills burning themselves into your skin.
He doesn't stop to comment in tune, just stealing your mouth back and away from the deep breath of air you were taking, halted completely when his soft pillow-like lips crash onto yours. His fingers progress closer and closer to the spot you swear you can already feel him. It isn’t until they make contact underneath the hastily forgotten dress you wear, that you gasp, filling your lungs with cold, smog-filled city air.
“Is this alright?” He asks, considerate of your feelings and oh so aware of the intimate place his fingers brush with care.
You nod vigorously.
“Say it,” He pants, the pure details of his features now hard and lust pumped. “Say what I want to hear.” He whispers, the sound so low that the muffled music almost prevents you from hearing it all together.
You gulp, moistening your dry throat. “Jimin, touch me more...p-please.” You implore, feeling powerful and brave with adrenaline pumping through your veins. “I-” You choke, throwing your head back in delight when Jimin’s fingers brush you harder, this time pressing and running back and forth. You still squirm from the lack of skin to skin contact, his pleasure providing fingertips denied your warmth thanks to your pastel pink - definitely not meant for a hookup - panties. Nothing seems to be phasing Jimin though.
With the faint lingering scent of champagne on the tip of your tongues, and the overwhelming fear of being discovered, you say the words lingering restlessly at the back of your throat, the space where your usual filter resides. “I want your fingers Jimin,” He slows his movements, breathing heavily when he hears your pleading. “In-inside me.” Your hands grab at his clothed shoulders, pulling and leaving marks with your nails in the back of his neck from the force.
He hisses with pleasure, pulling the core of your panties towards him with the intent of moving them aside, however, as all good things do...your lust induced libido shuts down completely when a ringing replaces the echoing pants and moans coming from the two of you. Jimin looks up slowly, sighing with frustration and shaking his head while wearing a weak smile of amusement that you return. “Now there’s a first.” You chuckle, earning a sympathetic glance from Jimin.
In one swift movement, Jimin’s pressing his smartphone to the blushed red curve of his ear. He clears his throat, no doubt removing the lingering arousal present in his prior words, “Hello?” He asks, his voice oddly stern and timid compared to the soft lilt it captured so well during previous conversation between you. His fingers now moving back and forth over your knee. Ignored, and hot enough to boil a sitting pot, you take his hand in yours and impatiently peel yourself from the bartop, taking one last sip from your champagne glass before moving close enough to Jimin and weaving your arm through his, hugging closely to the well-carved muscles hidden underneath. “Yes, I know.” He says dryly, “Wait, now?” His eyes shift to look away from the wall of ivy and instead at you, your glimmering eyes glazed over with unfulfilled pleasure and alcoholic haze. The person on the other end must have questioned Jimins silence because he answers with, “Yeah, I’m here.” He looks away again, a sense of worry and a flash of anger cascade his immaculate features that glimmer in the moonlight.
Silence creeps over the already eerie setting, Jimins eyes slim with frustration all while his jaw clenches and delivers a sense of fear within you. His intimidating aura has had you apprehensive all night, not that you can say it was for long given the way his hands roved and explored you just mere minutes prior to the interrupting phone call. “I’ll leave now, there is no need to get angry Jay. He won’t find out.”
Jay?
He hangs up the phone before this Jay can insert another word of scolding. He sighs, his face heavy with regret, no doubt your doing. “Don’t feel like you owe me anything.” You suddenly say, blurring the words into a sentence slowly without looking him in the eye. Jimins head whips around to find you, his eyes landing on your leg-crossed form as you relax onto the barstool again. “Go, I think both you and I know you wanted nothing more than to have your way with me.” You swallow the rest of the expensive brew gracing your cup, standing afterward only to walk up to Jimin and pull him down by the tie. “Thanks for the champagne.” You kiss his cheek, leaving him baffled as you start to walk past him, opening the door to the club.
“Wait!” He yells, spinning to face you. “Your name. I don’t know your name.” He looks beaten, completely shot down and twisting one of the many rings on his fingers.
“______.” You smile, your first name manifesting into a coherent sound, feeling just as weak and defeated as he does. “________ ________.” Jimin opens his mouth to say something in return, probably a compliment that would make you even weaker in the knees, an attack so precise and perfunctory that you doubt he’d even realize its effect on you. The actual words themselves, however, are never heard when you enter the swallowing melody swirling through the club and shut the door behind you.
You lean against the solid door when it clicks shut, the loud bumping bass pounding at your heart and joints, making you want to retreat back into the arms of the beyond gorgeous man you now know as Park Jimin. His beautiful eyes, his full lips, his fingers that glided effortlessly between your legs, as if they had been there before a million times.
Maybe just one peek…
You push the door handle down, expecting to find Jimin on the other side still shocked and possibly looking longingly towards where you walked off. To your dismay, an empty courtyard greets you on the other side of the large dark wood door. Cool air filters into the hot building, blowing back the tresses of hair loosely hanging around your neck. The Dom Perignon is recorked, placed next to your glasses, one empty, the other still half full.
Where could he have gone…?
There was no other exit from the protected patio area, a door to the kitchen perhaps, but if you are, then Jimin is most definitely smart enough to know going through there would be disruptive and challenging. He would have had to go through you, and yet, he hadn’t.
Two hands clapping onto your shoulders jolts you away from the sense of lacking and sadness threatening to arise tears in your eyes. “So when’s the wedding?” Tessa asks, her features blushed pink from her over-consumption of the dishwasher detergent this place serves.
That’s what Jimin would say.
“Marked on my calendar as the day after he doesn’t get a mysterious phone call and ditches me.” You take her by the arm, walking into the ladies room, a small intimate setting bathed in a much brighter light compared to the dark seductive aroma that surrounds the dance floor and bar. A feeling you’ve just exuded to a man you just met and enjoyed the company of.
“You mean...he just...left?” Tessa asks walking up to the mirror and painting on another layer of lipstick.
You nod.
“It couldn't have been that he didn’t like you,” She taps her finger to her chin repeatedly, looking at you, suddenly seeing your smudged lipstick and how you’re desperately trying to subdue its color from overtaking your face. “It definitely couldn’t have been that.” She teases, turning and rotating your face towards her. “Oh wow.”
“What? We just kissed that’s all-“
“Just kissed?!” She interrupts, leaning in and smelling you.
“Did you just sniff me?!” You jump back, amusement and annoyance following your words.
“Damn he was wearing some good calonge,” She continues, “What’d he do? Prop you up on the bartop and take you right then and there?” She bursts out into laughter, your face brightening to a sunset pink. You look away too quickly for her to realize what she said is almost true.
“Yeah well, I knew from the beginning that all he wanted from me was just that. I’m not that kind of girl.” You continue removing the smudges of color from around your cheeks and neck where some of the residual was left behind by his lingering sucks and kisses.
Just skimming the area burns with a remembrance of him.
Tessa crosses her arms, a smirk playing at the corner of her mouth, “Those hickies say otherwise.” She shakes back the frizzy strands of hair tickling at her neck.
“Tess!” You yell, a shush sounding from a bargoer who sits in one of the stalls you forgot to check for an audience upon entry.
Tessa snorts, her aching belly laugh earning an eye roll and exuberant exhale through your nose. “I think I’m gonna head home. I’ll call you a cab.” You start, pulling out your phone and scrolling through your contacts in search of the overused cab service number.
“Fair enough, the drinks here kinda suck, and the guys weren’t worth my time either.” It’s your turn to laugh, smiling at your phone screen at Tessa’s critical words.
“Are you going to write a review?” You ask, locking your phone after sending information to the cab service.
Tessa hums, “A strongly worded review.” The two of you laugh.
You bid Tessa farewell and gave the driver her address, no doubt that she wouldn’t be able to once the night caught up with her. Tessa was already half asleep in the backseat, peeling a piece of gum from the crappy interior of the guys' cab. “Text me when you get home.” You order, wiggling a finger her way.
“I will, say hi to Nana for me.” She responds.
“How’d you-”
“You visit her almost every day, a nightly outing wasn’t gonna change that.” The piece of gum she was thronging finally falls from above her, landing on one of the dirty floor mats.
“Ladies, the meter’s runnin’,” Says the driver, a young man wearing a grey sweatshirt with a toothpick between his lips.
“Bye Tessie.” You back away from the car with a smile, knowing how much Tessa despised being called ‘Tessie’.
She sticks her arm out the window, holding up a manicured middle finger as a token of her gratitude and love.
“Miss ______!” The receptionist calls, a surprised expression riding the long length of her face. “It’s awful late, I can only allow you a minute or so with your grandmother...the hospital’s turning in.” She explains, a look of pain clearly shining in her eyes.
“I thought hospitals didn’t turn in.” You say half joking.
“The hospital may not, but the staff sure does. You have five minutes.” She jots down a quick note, handing it to you.
“‘Miss ______ has been granted access to her grandmother’s room until 24:00, Please allow her to remain until then.’”
“Just in case a nurse comes along.” A warm smile graced her lips, one filled with pity.
You nod, not another word exchanged between you. The same solid door you’ve opened multiple times looks the same as you approach it for the...god you’ve lost count. No matter, this visit is just another amongst hundreds. You don’t bother knocking, entering quietly. “Hi, Nana.” You say cheerfully, a genuine smile on your face.
No answer.
“I’m sorry for visiting so late.” You stare at the floor, refusing to look at her. “You always were a night owl anyway.” The repetitive beep of machines connected to your grandmother are just background noise to you now, barely audible and oddly comforting to know her heart is still beating. “Today was different compared to my average day of leftovers and mulch lined fingernails.” You chuckle. “That must be news to you.”
Your grandmother, known by you as Nana, has been in a coma for roughly two years. She was struck by a bus while on one of her daily walks, something she did every afternoon for as long as you’d known her. To see her be so inactive and still was almost insulting. Nonetheless, she had always been a good listener, on and off life support.
“I met someone.” You start, pulling up a cushioned chair that smelled distinctly of death and sterile plastic, a scent that lingered everywhere here. “I know i’ll never see him again, but I thought you should know.” You hold her hand, it’s smooth digits cold as ice from weak circulation. “His name was Park Jimin.” You sigh, blushing with embarrassment at how even saying his name gives you butterflies.
“Nana, he was so handsome...you’d melt at the sight of him.” You bite your lip, gnawing on it, silently wishing it was Jimin who would tug at the plump skin. A flower petal falls off her bouquet of white roses you’d left just a few days before, your attention drawn to the minute movement. The room was always stagnant, like a pond absent of life and insects swarming the surrounding marsh, so any movement inside quickly drew your eye. As for the flowers themselves, Nana always judged the bouquets before they went on display or were sold, not that she would have been against selling white roses, they were her favorite after all.
They are her favorite.
Now though, the flowers were beginning to wilt, their color draining from a pure white into a mold like yellow, some even brown with death, something that seemed to spread like wildfire here.
“Dear?” A voice sounds, one so familiar you almost cry.
Nana.
You look up at your grandmother to find her still unconscious, her eyes sitting back in their sockets, her skin almost a pale white, and her hair grey with lighter streaks amongst the charcoal strands. “My good lord, sweetheart.” The voice, belonging to Mrs. Brackenbury, was so uncomfortably similar to your sickly grandmothers. She worked here as a nurse. “Her door was ajar, I was worried something was wrong, but dear, what are you doing here so late? It’s nearly tomorrow!” She holds her palm flatly over her midsection, supporting herself from the front with worry for you.
You pull the sweater - usually kept in your car - tightly around your torso, worried some of your scarcely covered skin might show and earn looks of confusion and disgust from the older woman. “I was out and figured I’d stop by, see how she’s doing.”
Mrs. Brackenbury sighs, taking a step into the room and picking up Nana’s chart, reading it over with a bored expression, as if she’s seen the same stats for the past two years your grandmother has resided here. “She’s doing great, her stats steady.” She reassures, “And constantly dreaming I’m sure.” She jokes, closing the chart and placing it back where it belongs, tucked away in its cubby at the end of the hospital bed. “Come sweety, she needs her rest.”
Doesn’t she get enough rest as it is? You wanted to say, desperately yearning for the sound of her voice and the warmth to once again inhabit her hands. “Sure.” You answer dryly, standing from the chair smelling of death and instead heading towards the door.
“Perhaps new flowers are in order.” Mrs. Brackenbury speaks, her voice cheerful and yet melancholy despite the smile on her face. She picks the flowers up and out of the clear vase.
“Noted. I’ll bring her favorites. Goodnight Mrs. Brackenbury.”
“Goodnight Dear.”
You hear the flowers hit the bottom of the trash can as you walk out.
The streets were cold and empty, driving along them was odd, for a city so often engulfed in nightlife this eerie silence was bone-chillingly nerve-wracking. Pop music flowed like silk through the speakers, entering your ears just as the sounds of Jimins kissing escapades did.
God.
You parked in front of the flower shop, the lights off and door fully closed, just as you had left it. Brightly displayed flowers shown in the large front window, illuminated by dim display lights. You pick up your heels, no longer wanting to deal with them pinching and assaulting your feet. Avoiding stepping anywhere that may prove painful if descended upon, you work your way closer to the door, the sounds of insects, the mew of a stray tabby cat, and a breeze that seemed to whip through the city only to arrive at the outskirts, where your Nana’s flower boutique laid. You hum along to the song previously blasting through your car, shaking your keys to the beat. That all stops when you finally get to the door.
It wasn’t closed at all.
The breeze causes it to sway slightly, moving inwards only to be sucked back against the doorframe with each passing brush of wind. Hastily, you push it open with a creak, the copper bell above jingling quietly and without full force. At first, nothing seems out of the ordinary, everything that you can see has been undisturbed. Then again, the darkness enveloping the usually bright boutique prevents much of anything from being seen.
With a flick of your finger, you hit the light switch, finding it futile as the click proves useless when nothing changes. You flip them again.
Again.
Again.
Again.
Nothing; your breathing becomes heavy, you can see the outline of the cash register, it appears to be closed, but from what you remember, you forgot to lock it this afternoon. The money lying in that box all goes towards Nana’s medical bills, since your father is no help.
Dad.
You step forward, taking courageous broad strided steps all in the hopes of being able to protect yourself if suddenly jumped or attacked.
Squish.
You stop, feeling something thick and slippery like oil beneath your bare foot. It’s warm, and when you look down you see the spitting image of your father, lying lifelessly face down with your trimming scissors delved deep between his shoulder blades.
“D-dad?” You wince, your voice loud and shaky compared to the quiet, even peaceful, sounds that make themselves known around you.
There’s no answer, of course, just the silent drips of scarlet blood off the hilt of the scissors which are now concealed by thick plasma. Your delicately raised white roses, tended to be the most beautiful of any rose are now crushed beneath the dead weight of your father. Your lungs provide you no air for words, short staggered breaths being the only fuel for your shocked silence.
Dropping to your knees, you hover your hands around your father’s face, wanting to, but not being able to bring yourself to touch him. Instead, you lift a rose, raising it to your cheek and brushing its drenched petals over your cheekbone. Thorns catch the soft skin of your profile, tugging and tearing a long thin cut down the flesh. Tears smear under your eyes, shadows formed by watery eyeliner and mascara that regrettably was not waterproof.
Before you can call out to your father again, a sudden, strangled frequency erupts from some unknown source, “Shhhht.” It sounds, freezing you into a solid brick of stone. The sound itself is similar to that of a radio or static driven TV, but what chills you to the core...is that the sound was near, too near.
The sound came from in the room.
You swallow, still crouched down in the pool of blood; warm liquid seeping between your toes. With shaking hands, you wipe away warm salty tears from the sullen trenches under your eyes. “J…n...ssi.” The sound remains staticy, your ears and shielded eyes attentive to the deep shadows that somehow holds an even blacker black than that of the already dark depths enveloping the boutique.
A sharp intake of stale air, one that smells of copper enters your lungs when you somehow muster the courage to breathe out words. “You,” You start, gulping in the hopes of moistening your throat fighting for lubrication. “You killed my father,” Your legs shake, your lips quiver, and the fire within you that was just fighting for reignition is now flaring. “And you have the audacity to hide in the shadows?!” Whoever stands still alive in this room with you is just as nervous as you are, you can practically smell the stress hormones exuding off them. Moonlight has begun to trickle through the display window, illuminating your father's corpse and the pool of blood continuing to grow around him.
Static rises again.
“Jimin~ssi!” The voice is panicked, filled with a desperation so familiar that it makes your heart ache. The words the panicked mouth spit, however, those few letters sent chills riding up your spine.
You clutch the flower close to your heart, dropping it when he emerges into the descending moonlight. “Jimin?”
God you hated white roses.
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bloojayoolie · 6 years ago
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7/11, Being Alone, and Bad: Juliet Gorgeous, young. friendly. affectionate, playful. housetrained. relaxed & respectful with resident child 46718-I years old. 46 Ibs @brooklyn aco **** TO BE KILLED - 11/17/2018 **** IMAGINE loving your two legged Mom & Dad and thinking you mean as much to them as they to you.... Then during your time of need, they dump you off at some strange place, a scary place where you could die. Juliet is a gorgeous girl whose going to need a hero, a home and love but she also needs medical attention because she is suspected of having a GI foreign body that may need follow up care. Juliet is a petite girl with an adorable face and she lived in complete harmony with a small child, she was housetrained, affectionate and playful. Juliet has been dealt a bad hand by her callous former owners and needs a real family to step in and pick up where they left off. Juliet is just a year old and deserves a chance at life, family and love. Please help share her for a second chance. A new hope rescue will also need pledges for her vetting so they can insure she goes to her new home and family in good health. JULIET@BROOKLYN ACC Hello, my name is Juliet My animal id is #46718 I am a female tan dog at the Brooklyn Animal Care Center The shelter thinks I am about 1 years old, 46 lbs Came into shelter as owner surrender Nov. 7, 2018 Reason Stated: animal health - other. Juliet is rescue only Juliet is at risk for both medical and behavioral concerns. She has been reported to have resource guarding behaviors and is prone to growl or snap. She has not acclimated well to the shelter environment and remains challenging to handle. She is suspected to have a GI foreign body that may need follow up care. Please read full medical assessment for details. My medical notes are... Weight: 46.2 lbs Vet Notes L V T Notes 7/11/2018 triage only due to history of vomiting and diarrhea: growling and lunging at front of cage 6/9 bcs, bright and alert--does not seem critical. will let dog calm down for a day and get trazadone 11/11/2018 DVM Intake Exam Estimated age: 1 yo Microchip noted on Intake? Scanned Microchip Number (If Applicable): History : O surrender due to chronic vomiting and O unable to provide/fund medical care Subjective: Observed Behavior - BAR, ears back, very anxious, will bite Evidence of Cruelty seen - No Evidence of Trauma seen - No Objective: PE performed under sedation. Sedated with butorphanol 0.2 mg/kg IM and dexmedetomidine 10 mcg/kg IM T = NT P = wnl R = eupneic BCS 4/9 EENT: Eyes clear, ears clean, no nasal or ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: pink and moist oral MM. Mild dental calculus and gingivitis PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: NSR, NMA, CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupnic ABD: Tense, firm tubular structure noted in cranial abdomen U/G: Grossly normal MSI: Ambulatory x 4, skin free of parasites, no masses noted, healthy hair coat CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Rectal: Externally clean Assessment 1) hx of vomiting/regurg - r/o: GI (FBO vs. gastroenteritis vs. esophagitis vs. other) vs. Non-GI (renal vs. hepatic vs. other) 2) Suspect FBO 3) Underweight Prognosis: Fair to guarded Plan: 1) Sedated with butorphanol 0.2 mg/kg IM and dexmedetomidine 10 mcg/kg IM. 2) CBC/CHEM 3) 2-view abdomen 4) 2-view chest 5) Reversed with antisedan (equal volume to dexmedetomidine) 6) If foreign body suspected on rads, will transport Juliet to MACC 7) Recommend GI ultrasound +/- abdominal explore surgery SURGERY:Temporary waiver due to suspect foreign body 11/11/2018 CBC - All parameters were within the normal reference range CHEM - All parameters were within the normal reference range Chest rads - wnl Abdomen rads - Intestines appear distended with heterogenous material. - r/o: foreign body obstruction vs. fecal material Recommend GI ultrasound +/- abdominal explore surgery. Notified management to secure transport to MACC for monitoring and abdominal explore. 12/11/2018 Pt - BAR - No vomitting or diarrhea since arrivig in ACC yesterday. Stool normally formed. Takes treats! R - WNL, eupnic EENT - no ocular or nasal discahrge. Eyes clear Abdominal palpation - palpable round soft tissue structure (4cm diamter) in the cranial abdomen Rule out: foreign body vs normal anatomical structure (kidney) vs mass vs other A - Pt stable/BAR/Eating and drinking - no vomitting or diarrhea in shelter - Abdominal structure still palpable in cranial abdomen cannot rule out mass/fb versus normal anatomical structure (e.g. kidney) P - Continue to monitor - Repeat xrays now that pt has passed stool RECOMMEND PLACEMENT FOR AN ABDOMINAL ULTRASOUND 14/11/2018 H: Intake on 11/11. Noted to have chronic vomiting and diarrhea per owner. Initial abdominal radiographs on 11/11 concerning for fb (Abdomen rads - Intestines appear distended with heterogenous material). Since being in the shelter, no V/D witnessed. Repeat radiographs performed on 11/13 and sent out for interpretation. RADIOLOGY REPORT: ABDOMEN (November 13, 2018): Right lateral, left lateral, and ventrodorsal views are available for review (3 images). An additional study dated November 11, 2018 is available for comparison (7 images). FINDINGS: The included portion of the thorax is normal. Peritoneal and retroperitoneal serosal margins are well-visualized. The gastric axis is normal and the liver margin is sharp, suggesting normal liver size. The spleen is normal. Both kidneys are partially obscured by superimposition. There is no retroperitoneal mass-effect or mineralization. When compared with the prior study, there is marked reduction in the volume of small intestinal and gastric content. Small intestinal diameter is reduced. There is mild persistent granular soft tissue opaque material within the small intestine and there is a larger amount of feces in the descending colon. The urinary bladder is minimally distended and poorly visualized. The musculoskeletal structures are normal. No other abnormalities are appreciated. CONCLUSIONS: The appearance of the gastrointestinal content on the initial study is suggestive of foreign material, but there is no segmental dilation to suggest complete mechanical obstruction. In the more recent study (November 13, 2018), there is reduction in small intestinal and gastric content suggesting normal gastrointestinal motility. Gastroenteritis secondary to dietary indiscretion or inflammatory bowel disease seems to be the most likely cause of clinical signs. RECOMMENDATIONS: Medical management is appropriate if clinical signs recur. Biopsies would be required for definitive diagnosis of inflammatory bowel disease. If clinical signs persist, abdominal ultrasonography or an upper GI contrast series is recommended, depending on which is more feasible for the patient's temperament. CBC- wnl Chem- mild elevation in ALT (134) Assessment: Vomiting, Diarrhea - historic, not witnessed in shelter Prognosis: fair Plan: Continue to monitor for further clinical signs Details on my behavior are... Behavior Condition: 4. Orange Behavior History Behavior Assessment Behavior upon intake: Juliet seemed a little tense when she entered the room. She snapped once when the counselor was approaching her. No further handling was done after this. Date of Intake: 11/7/2018 Basic Information:: Juliet is a one year old tan and white female dog that was surrendered to the center due to health concerns. The owner had her for four months. The last time that she was taken to the vet was on September, 2018. Previously lived with:: Two adults and one child How is this dog around strangers?: As per owner, Juliet might growl at strangers or sniff them until she gets to know them. How is this dog around children?: She has lived with a two year old child. She was relaxed and playful around her. She plays in a gentle manner. How is this dog around other dogs?: She didn't live with dogs. How is this dog around cats?: She didn't live with cats. Resource guarding:: Juliet growls or snaps if you go around her food while she is eating however she is not bothered if a toy or treat is taken away from her. Bite history:: No bite history with a person or animal. Housetrained:: Yes Energy level/descriptors:: Medium Other Notes:: She is not bothered when she is held or restrained. She is afraid of being bathed however enjoys being brushed. The owner never trimmed her nails. She growls when someone unfamiliar approaches the house. Has this dog ever had any medical issues?: No Medical Notes: As per owner, Juliet has been vomiting and has been having loose bowels right after eating for over a month. For a New Family to Know: She was described as affectionate and playful. At home, she tends to follow people around and be in the same room. She likes to play with balls, stuffed and squeaky toys. She was kept indoors. She used to sleep in besides the owner's bed. She eats dry food and was fed three times a day. She is house-trained and goes potty on wee-wee pads. She is well-behaved when she is left alone in the house. She has never been crated. She knows the sit command. She is used to walks on leash for exercise. She pulls hard when she is on the leash. Date of intake:: 11/7/2018 Means of surrender (length of time in previous home):: Owner surrender Previously lived with:: 2 adults, 1 child Behavior toward strangers:: Growls, lunges Behavior toward children:: Relaxed, playful with resident child Behavior toward dogs:: Unknown Behavior toward cats:: Unknown Resource guarding:: Growls, snaps when approached while eating Bite history:: None reported Housetrained:: Yes Energy level/descriptors:: Affectionate, playful with a medium energy level Date of assessment:: 11/11/2018 Summary:: Due to the high level of fear displayed in the care center combined with her propensity to escalate quickly, Juliet is not a candidate for a handling assessment at this time. Summary (1):: According to Juliet's previous owner, Juliet did not socialize with other dogs while in their care. 11/8: We were unable to safely collar Juliet today. She was giving us clear distance increasing signs that she was very uncomfortable- whale eye, head flipping. She did greet a novel male through the gate and her posture softened, with a slightly tuck tail. 11/9: After successfully collaring Juliet, she was allowed to greet the novel male. Juliet briefly exchanges sniffs then paces the yard. She frequently checks in with the greeter and joins a bit of chase play. 11/13: Juliet maintains her space from a sexually motivated male by spinning around. Date of intake:: 11/7/2018 Summary:: Tense, snapped upon approach Date of initial:: 11/10/2018 Summary:: Growling, snapping ENERGY LEVEL:: Juliet is reported to have a medium energy level in her previous home environment. BEHAVIOR DETERMINATION:: NEW HOPE ONLY Behavior Asilomar: TM - Treatable-Manageable Recommendations:: No children (under 13),Place with a New Hope partner Recommendations comments:: No children (under 13): Due to the level of fear Juliet has displayed in the care center, we feel she may be best set up to succeed in an adult only home. Place with a New Hope partner: Juliet has not acclimated well to the shelter environment and remains challenging to handle; because she has displayed threats of aggression on multiple occassions, we believe she may be best set up to succeed through placement with an experienced rescue partner. We recommend a period of decompression as well as time to acclimate at her own pace. Guidance from a professional trainer or behaviorist is highly advised as we cannot be certain of how her behavior may be outside of the care center. Potential challenges: : Resource guarding,Fearful/potential for defensive aggression Potential challenges comments:: Resource guarding: Juliet's previous owner notes that he may growl and snap when her food bowl is approached. We recommend that Juliet be left alone while eating, and that food guarding behavior modification steps (available at ASPCApro.org) be utilized if this behavior is problematic in his future home. Nothing should ever be taken directly out of Juliet's mouth, and any time something is removed she should be rewarded with a high value treat or toy. She should be taught the "drop" cue and trade-up games. Fearful/potential for defensive aggression: Juliet seems to quickly to snapping, so this is an established behavior that she offers when she feels threatened. Juliet needs careful behavior modification and management to prevent future bites. We recommend only force-free, reward-based training methods for Juliet as more aversive techniques are likely to increase fear and increase the risk of aggression. JULIET IS RESCUE ONLY…..TO SAVE THIS PUP YOU MUST FILL OUT APPLICATIONS WITH AT LEAST 3 NEW HOPE RESCUES. PLEASE HURRY!!! IF YOU CAN FOSTER OR ADOPT THIS PUP, PLEASE PM OUR PAGE FOR ASSISTANCE. WE CAN PROVIDE YOU WITH LINKS TO APPLICATIONS WITH NEW HOPE RESCUES WHO ARE CURRENTLY PULLING FROM THE NYC ACC. PLEASE SHARE THIS DOG FOR A HOME TO SAVE HER LIFE.
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imprintplus · 3 years ago
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How to Design Your Company’s Personalized Name Tags
When designing the name tags that your company will use from this point on, you want to carefully select all of the details so that the final product is something that feels very on brand for the company. Despite being such small features on an employee’s uniform or professional attire, name tags can do quite a bit for a company in the employees’ interactions with clients and creating a united front as a team.
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Clients appreciate being able to see the name of the person they are speaking to as it makes them feel more comfortable and more likely to remember. With clients seeing these name badges so often, you want to create personalized name tags that truly represent the company’s brand and make sense for your line of work.
You have lots of options to choose from when creating your own personalized name tags and many details to consider, so here is a quick breakdown of what you can choose in order to create the best possible ID badges for your business.
Type of Badge The first detail you may want to consider is which type of name tag you should start with. This establishes the base onto which you select details. Name tags can be made in different materials such as plastic, metal, and even bamboo. There are also some suppliers that offer reusable name tags that can be updated by changing messaging on the name tag insert. Each material comes with its own benefits and helps to give off a certain appearance, so choose the base that fits your branding best and start adding design.
Design Style After you decide what you want for the base of your personalized name tags, you will want to create the design that goes onto these tags. Place the basic information like the employee’s name and the brand logo first, then add design elements around them. It could be as simple as using the text and logo only, or as complex and colorful as you want it to be.
Accessorize or Not Although you can stop right here, you may also want to know that there are extra features that you can add to these personalized name tags. Some ID card suppliers will allow you to choose add-ons like medallions or badge talkers that fit around the name tag. These are typically used to inform the client that the employee speaks a particular language, but they can also be used to say other things as well.
With all of these factors in mind, you should be able to select the details from each category that feels the most appropriate for your workplace. All that is left to do is find a name tag supplier that offers highly personalized name tags using premium techniques and materials to ensure you are getting quality products for your expense.
Our recommendation is to go with imprintplus.com. They create excellent products and offer a wide range of options for customization, like what we mentioned here. Check them out to learn more about their products and how you can design and purchase name tags for your workplace.
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(1/6) In advance, sorry if this sounds clipped but I'm rewriting an 11 part ask because that's just too much and it feels like it would be rude to send such a long question. Somehow it's still long. So my background is: mostly used to aro and ace communities, don't have much experience with the lgbt+ community at large (trying to work on that), the way the aro/ace communities break concepts like attraction down really helped me figure out what my orientation was. Questioning my gender now and
(2/6) having a hard time finding resources that help me clarify my feelings instead of making me even more confused. I started researching thinking that they would be similar to aro and ace resources, going to the root of things and saying “What even is attraction, let’s define it” and breaking it down into chunks instead of trying to tackle the whole thing at once (see the split attraction model). Instead I found many lists of labels and pronouns, trans 101 that was at the same time too basic (3/6) and not basic enough, and “Gender is a feeling, masculinity/femininity/androgyny/etc are feelings too, no one can tell you what your gender is but you”. My request isn’t for anyone to tell me what my gender is, I’ll figure that out myself. But I feel I’m lacking the tools to do it. So does anyone have any resources, be they articles/blogs/life experiences and stories written by trans people/etc that breaks things like the feelings of gender as a whole, masculinity, femininity, androgyny,(4/6) agender, and dysphoria down (not coded behaviors or presentation, but what they actually FEEL like. These are the things that I’m most confused about and most want some sort of answer or definition for) in the style aro/ace resources do for attraction/orientation? To figure this out I need some sort of starting point or foothold or anchor for this instead of “it’s a feeling” when I don’t know what that feeling could be. But “Nobody can tell you what you are” sounds much more like defeat(5/6) than freedom to me rn. I’ve heard it said that gender is experienced differently by everyone, and if it’s really just some nebulous unidentifiable feeling that literally cannot be put into words then I can learn to live with the fact I’ll just never understand it, but… it just seems like there HAS to be some sort of commonality in the feeling of gender, the feeling of femininity/masculinity/all the rest that could be prevalent enough to say what that feeling IS and used to help people (6/6) figure out better who they are and who they want to be. For the ones like me who don’t even know what they’re feeling or what they want to be, just that they don’t want to feel like they do now.
Kii says:You’ve got a lot here, and you’re right. Gender is really confusing, and it really is something that 100 different people will give you 100 different answers about. Some people do feel their gender is best described by more visible aspects, such as behaviors, clothing, desired body, hobbies, etc, but some people don’t, and for them, it is just a feeling that isn’t describable, they just know internally what gender they are and can’t always explain why. 
However, just because there are feelings doesn’t mean that everyone’s feelings are the same, like the commonality you’re mentioning. You know the old “how do we know that your green is the same as my green?” Two people could be seeing the exact same item, both agree that it’s green, but how does anyone know that if I saw the same item through your eyes, I would still call it green? Your eyes might be structured completely differently than mine. Your green might be my purple, etc. I think the same goes for the words “masculine” and “feminine”- I can give you words that I associate with each, but a lot of people might disagree. 
Think of a person that you consider to be very masculine (whether they ID as a man or not)- why do you see them as masculine? Is it because of how they dress? What their body looks like? Because they like cars, sports, etc? How they act or other elements of their personality? Do the same for someone who you feel is very feminine (whether they ID as a woman or not). How is your “masculine” person different than your “feminine” person?
Androgyny is usually described as the intersection or mix of masculinity and femininity, so to figure out what you associate with androgyny, you kind of have to figure that out first.
We have a whole page about dysphoria, since that’s a more concrete concept. There are lots of descriptions there on how different people describe dysphoria and how it feels.
We also have this post, which a lot of people have tried to make helpful to questioning people, as well as this ask where various mods described what gender feels like to them.
Harper Says:I would also suggest a broader understanding of gender (and sexuality). You’re looking for a commonality that is not found uniformly in lived/expressed experiences - perhaps you might find it fleetingly, strangely, but I doubt it will come with much uniform clarity. The assumption that there has to be a commonality, a universality, is one that potentially assumes a (purely) medical/psychological account of gender and sexuality. Experiences of gender will necessarily intersect with other forms of systematic oppression: race, disability, and so on; and so each account of gendered experience has to be uncommon.Try instead understanding gender as part of a wider system of oppression rigged to benefit white cis men. In this, bodies, activities, sexualities, (and many other things) are codified and performed within a system of oppression. This is the way as far as I, and many other thinkers, understand gender. When you ask for gender as “not coded behaviors or presentation, but what they actually FEEL like” I think you misunderstand that gender is easily and always both. The performances, the risks, the transgressions, that commonly make up transgender experiences are inescapably coded behaviours - we don’t live in a society that isn’t oppressive. That is why there is such fear and thrill in a trans woman shaving her legs for the first time, or a trans man using the men’s bathroom for the first time. The emotion and feeling wouldn’t be there if such transgressions weren’t coded in a system of oppression that frowns upon such behaviours. Gender is always on some level something that is done and the doing is bound up with being. To strive for a definition that reduces one to the other or excludes one or the other is as far as I understand it, a misunderstanding, and this is perhaps where your confusion comes from.With this understanding I would then say that it is not very surprising that you’re finding dead-ends and confusion by trying to parse an understanding of gender through split-attraction model type thinking. This is a relatively recent way of thinking about sexuality within the LGBT community, (one that I personally find no stock in), butting up against around thirty years of queer feminist thought, and a whole history of LGBT lives and experiences. You will probably find that trying to think through gender in ace/aro modes of thought is an impossible task without this appreciation of transgender history or an understanding of heterosexuality as the oppressive action of gender.I’m not surprised then, that you find defeat instead of freedom; for many, gender is something that is survived. Freedom can only come with the abolition of gender, that is the end of the “material, social, and economic dominance of men and exploitation of women” (Escalante). So to speak of a commonality, perhaps start reading about how these oppressive systems work. Understanding all of this is not an easy task. Below I’ll feed a few pointers on a theoretical level, and as such can throw up inaccessible language. My hope is that if you do struggle with any of it, from here you can google keywords and hopefully find more sources that suit you better.For the theoretical exploration of such see: Judith Butler’s Gender Trouble, and Monique Wittig’s The Straight Mind and Other Essays (see One is Not Born a Woman - I haven’t yet managed to find a pdf for the whole book). Or key words: material feminism, Butler, gender performance, heterosexuality, the straight mind. CW: (this will be quite broad but I know Wittig talks about:) pornography, sexual harassment, slavery.For an account of gender which explores these concepts see Susan Stryker’s My Words to Victor Frankenstein…. In this Stryker mixes a lived personal experience with gender as a trans woman alongside theoretical musings. Key words: transfeminism, transgender studies, transgender rage. CW: surgery, suicide, TERF stuff, pregnancy, birth.I would also recommend investing yourself in transgender voices and histories, so you can see how a varied approach to gender throughout history has been undertaken and lived. How complexities and contradictions have been embodied and embraced complexly by trans individuals. See Paris is Burning for what has become an important moment in LGBT cinema and history. CW death, accounts of violence, mentions of surgery, talk about sex.Also check out One From the Vaults a trans history podcast by Morgan M. Page. (Also available on iTunes, etc. I think.) In this engrossing podcast, Page tells the stories of various trans - or at least gender transgressive - people throughout history, including clips of them, letters, interviews, etc.. It comes with “all the dirt, gossip, and glamour from trans history” and so shows the variety of our trans ancestors throughout history, good and bad, happy and sad; encompassing all different ways of doing gender and different ways of being.In terms of your own personal questioning of gender, I would do as I advised here. Do gender: evoke man, evoke woman, evoke neither. Try things out, see what you feel. Explore yourself and your own embodiment and explore the feelings that arise out of this. At the end of the day, gender isn’t something that originates from books and articles, it is lived and done out in the world.I wish you the very best on your journey!
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tidecullernami · 7 years ago
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Spoiler Free Review: Haibane Renmei
Overall Score: 7/10
As I sit down to write this review, I’m slightly at a loss as to where to begin. After ages of hearing praise lauded upon this anime, I had so many expectations of it, and am sad to say that it fell short for me. But I’m getting ahead of myself. The fact of the matter is, even though I don’t feel particularly rosy about this anime, I do have things to say about it. And before anyone gets too up in arms, not all of them are bad by any means! However, one of the reasons I feel so compelled to say these things is because through all the recommendations I’ve received for this show, no one else ever has (not to me anyways). So here I am!
Haibane Renmei is about a young girl who will come to be named Rakka, after she emerges reborn from an enormous cocoon that has sprouted up in an unused room of a compound filled with young, angelic beings called Haibane. She is the audience conduit for learning about this charming universe, as her eyes are as fresh to it as ours are and we will come to learn about this place and its inhabitants together. While not a particularly original or innovative means of exposition, it employs an effective one for its worldbuilding and characterization in tandem. For the first half of the series, Rakka is paired off with one of the other residents of Old Home where she and her group of Haibane reside, who let her tag along in their daily lives to get to know one another, as well as the town of Glie to which they are confined. Because of this, the series has a distinctly slice of life feel to it, and here is where my first issue with the show lies.
Said issue arises not at all inherently from the fact that it’s a slice of life, but rather from the fact that THIS show in particular is. This world has many interesting details sprinkled throughout; there are many rules and traditions the Haibane follow that I found myself enamored with and wanting to learn more about, but was frustrated with the fact that they kept getting swept aside in favor of the mundanity of the Haibane’s daily lives. One of the strongest points of the show for me is the lore of this world, and having a character like Rakka to allow us to explore it. She’s curious and eager to learn about this new place she’s found herself in, and I wish the show had embraced that air of discovery more than it actually ended up doing. Coming to discover a new and interesting place is exciting and fun to watch, but for me, simply settling in to an all-too-familiar routine, no matter in what world, is not (especially when the characters are, on the whole, endearing but not strong enough to carry the show through that kind of angle).
This is so frustrating because said lore is so interesting that the viewer can’t help but think of a wealth of big questions because of them. What exactly are the Haibane? Where do they come from? Why are all except one of them children (or children who’ve grown into young adults)? Why are there humans here too? What are the walls? Who built them? What is beyond them? Why can only the Touga and the birds come and go as they please? Is this place an afterlife, a next life, or somewhere inbetween? If all of these questions grabbed your interest in the second episode, don’t hold your breath, because none of them will come to be answered, except in vague and unsatisfying ways (if you’re lucky). This is made all the more frustrating by the fact that even Rakka, who is like an extension of ourselves here, asks all of these questions in the show. Because of this, you think that surely that’s where her story might go, but unfortunately she’s almost always answered with “Nobody knows,” and she just kind of accepts it and leaves us wanting. Rakka, how could you.
So, it can safely be said that this show has little in the way of plot. The only thing it has to offer in terms of substantial storytelling is two character arcs, both of which are resolved in fairly short order. But those two character arcs are my other favorite component of the show, because they provided an otherwise aimless meander through an enticing world filled with untapped potential with a bit of propulsion. Up until the first of said arcs, the show has a relaxed, pleasant tone with melancholic shadows that creep up rather suddenly through delving further into the inner workings of its subjects. However, it is worth noting that these inner issues are addressed and resolved with the same sort of vagueness that the rest of the show is so saturated in, and so there was never any hard-hitting emotional climax for me, which was a disappointment, seeing as I was promised tears.
All that being said, I’m not saying that lack of definitive answers, or not having everything spelled out for you is a bad thing. When handled well, it’s an asset, because it allows the viewer to engage with the material in a way they simply can’t when everything is handed to them freely. It certainly feels more appropriate when dealing with our amnesiac heroes’ pasts than with the intricacies of the place they live. But there is a balance to be struck with answered and unanswered questions, and I feel this show leans far too hard into the unresolved to be a truly satisfying experience.
As for the rest of it, the animation isn’t anything spectacular, but it’s all around very grounded and consistent which is far more important than flash or overt style sometimes. I can only think of maybe a couple of shots in the whole show that looked wonky or silly. The whole show is bathed in a sort of soft, traditional look which makes it feel like a quaint antique and suits the Haibane’s second-hand lifestyle and Old Home very nicely. The character designs are sensible and simple, but still distinct and full of, well.... character! My favorite being Reki for her clashing angelic attributes alongside a bike, cigarette, and long black hair. The soundtrack was perfectly agreeable, if understated. But then again, there is a school of thought that says that good soundtracks enhance the mood without stealing the spotlight. I don’t necessarily agree with that, but I’d rather have a soundtrack that blended in perfectly than one that stood out in all the wrong ways!
Haibane Renmei is, in conclusion, a perfectly fine show with some very frustrating issues. It moves very slowly through a world that kept me watching in hopes of coming to understand some of the mysteries of it, but never took me anywhere I wanted to go. It’s almost as though ABe had all these wonderful ideas for a setting and just couldn’t think of explanations for them, made the world anyways, and said “It’s not my problem anymore.” However, if you simply like atmospheric, contemplative shows that don’t feel pressured by narrative, this show is definitely not lacking in pleasantries either, and might just be the cup of tea you’ve been craving. While on the whole I do feel it’s over-rated, it’s by no means bad, and perhaps I’m just not the sort of person that can really appreciate it due to what I perceive to be unavoidable faults.
MAL Link: https://myanimelist.net/reviews.php?id=277708
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