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tragicxensemble · 1 year ago

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One More Chance (At Love) (Pt.1/?)

Slowburn Mark Sloan x Reader x George O'Malley

TW/CW: Mentions of medical terms and just overall Grey's anatomy gore, social anxiety/ anxiousness, Christina being passive-aggressive to the reader of you squint, Love triangle, jump cuts

Disclaimer/Summary:

‼️ SEASON 2 SPOILERS!! ‼️

AJ's a new intern at Seattle Grace Hospital and the niece of Miranda Bailey. She has an average reputation and never heard of 'McSteamy' a.k.a Mark Sloan upon moving to Seattle and working at Seattle Grace. Not understanding the hype around him nor falling for his charm, he ends up falling first and hard because he thinks she's "hard to get". He tries his best to flirt with her but to no avail, because she never picks up on any of those social cues to realize that he has been flirting with her the entire time because of her being neurodivergent (specifically AuDHD). Besides Mark, there's also someone else who has been eyeing AJ since they met.

Ps: This is mostly a self-insert but you can still read and enjoy this!! It's been a while since I've made a fic and I think it's time for a fresh start :). This takes place in mid-season 2 (specifically episode 9, a month before the Thanksgiving part of the episode starts then jumpcuts to the events of the Thanksgiving episode) to around the end of season 3. There are a lot of jump cuts in this fic and rhe reader is black

Wc: 3.4k

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@spexialvixtimxunit @verytalented

Seattle Grace Hospital. A hospital filled with opportunities and so much drama that it could be a full-course meal. That is, of course, if you're interested in having surgeries and nonstop sleepless nights on the menu. If so, then sign me up. Having the opportunity to work in the same hospital as my Aunt was a blessing and a curse. She knew that I was studying to become a surgeon, but what she didn't know was that I would be working in the same hospital as her. The other interns around me called her 'The Nazi' but I simply called her Auntie Mandy.

No one knew that she was my aunt so they had no room to treat me differently because of my association with her. I deserved to be in that surgical program just as much as they did. I worked my ass off to become a well-respected doctor, not a punching bag for bottomless insults. So, my strategy to survive the internship came in 3 easy rules. A guide that I follow every day.

1. Befriend the Nurses.

This step was relatively easy. I'm always kind to everyone I meet unless they give me a reason to be mean. Plus, I would hate to get stuck on doing rectal exams or sutures for hours on end just because I pissed a nurse off. They're human beings just like me and deserve equal respect because it took them years of med school to get to where they are.

2. Keep to myself and only speak when spoken to (a.k.a practically become invisible to almost everyone unless I'm given instructions to complete a task.)

Now, this step is a relatively difficult one to follow. I have no clue who I will encounter upon being on Auntie Mandy's service and they would make my experience at SG unpredictable. I won't let them get to know me upon surface-level things about me. It's too risky for them to find out even the smallest incriminating detail about me. I'll just have to wait for the right moment to tell anyone that Bailey is my Aunt.

And lastly, my most hated rule.

3. NEVER unmask, unless necessary.

Masking in itself is extremely difficult. If I show any sign of my neurodivergence to neurotypicals who don't understand what it's like to hide parts of yourself every day 24/7, I'm looking at weeks of being a laughing stock and judged by everyone. Even though this is a possibility, the road to being a surgeon is never easy for anyone.

So, with that being said you would say that I have 3 impossible rules to follow. I would have to try my absolute hardest to not expose myself but also to be on top of my game in this program if I want to make it in the real surgical world.

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My alarm rings at the ripe time of 5 am. I had to be at the hospital by 7:00 am before 7:30 am rounds started and before I could officially be assigned to my resident. I knew before today that I was going to be assigned to Auntie Mandy because of the letter in the mail a few weeks ago declaring my official internship and transfer to Seattle Grace. As well as what day I would start working. Transferring hospitals is like transferring schools, you have to start all over again in a new place. New environment. With completely new people. People who are already used to each other and probably friends with each other. Whereas I'm the new kid, the outcast. The kid that sits alone during lunch while everyone has already created their cliques.

I took a few deep breaths before getting out of bed to stop myself from becoming anxious at the thought of all the wrong outcomes that could happen. I made sure to pack comfort snacks the night before and an emergency meltdown/overstimulation bag that consisted of earplugs, a few small but effective fidget toys, compactable noise-canceling headphones, and an mp3 player that has my comfort songs on speed dial. I made my bed, as I usually do to start my morning. Following up on that, I meditated and did yoga for an hour and a half. It's a way to calm and ground myself before I tackle whatever the day brings me.

I did my morning routine and skin care before heading back to my room, to change into my outfit.

By this time it was already 6:40 am. I had enough time to spare to moisturize my locs and bring a scrunchie with me so that I could put my hair up when needed at work. I made sure to grab my messenger bag and my snacks for the long shift and promptly left my apartment at 6:50 am. The drive to work was roughly 15 minutes but ended up being 20 minutes with traffic. I didn't live far away from the hospital, which was alright in my opinion. I arrived there at 7:05 am and began to park. After I parked and got out of the car, a motorcyclist drove up loud and parked 2 spots away from me.

Right in the middle of my car and the motorcycle came another car with 2 women and a guy who I'd assume knew the female motorcyclist because the group of 4 joined each other and I began walking into the building behind them. Mid-walk, another guy joins the group after what I'd assume was his morning jog. He was huffing and saying something I couldn't make out because of me keeping my distance from them so that they wouldn't assume that I was following them even though I was. I had no freaking clue on where anything in this ginormous hospital was. Sure I had a tour of the hospital but it's so easy to forget the layout when I've only been in it once.

While we waited for the elevator I quietly said, "Excuse me," as I tapped the shoulder of a brown-haired guy with cute doe eyes. He stopped talking with the blonde-haired woman and turned to face me. "I'm sorry, but could you help direct me to the surgical locker room? I'm not entirely sure where it is." As I was speaking the rest of the group turned to look at me, which was not intimidating in any way. (Yes it was.) "Yeah sure, We're actually on our way there." says the doe-eyed guy. "I'm George O'Malley by the way, that's Izzie Stevens, Alex Karev, Meredith Grey, and Christina Yang. We're all surgical interns." George introduced the names to the faces of everyone and I hoped for the best that I could remember their names.

"Oh, I'm AJ. AJ Brown. I'm also an intern here. It's my first day." I spoke. "What! That's cool, we could show you around sometime!" Izzie said as the elevator dinged. I nodded and followed their lead and got on the elevator with them, standing near the back of it. I listened as they talked about how their mornings went. The elevator stopped at the second floor. After making a few turns into the corridors, we finally made it to the locker room.

"What's your locker number?" Meredith asked as she began to walk to her locker. "Uh, it's G - 23," I responded as I looked around at my surroundings. Everyone was already getting changed. "Oh, nice you have a locker next to me!" Izzie smiled. The digital clock on the wall read 7:15 am, there was enough time to change into my scrubs and have my pager and stethoscope ready. As I was putting my shoes on Meredith spoke to me, "So, AJ, where are you from?" She asked as she closed her locker door. "Oh, I'm from a small town in Illinois," I answered. "What's a city girl like you doing all the way here in rainy ol' Seattle? Besides to work here?" Alex chimed in, "Family, stuff." I spoke shortly, in hopes of ending the conversation.

"That's nice that you can be near family here. Also, who's service are you on?" Izzie asked. "I have Dr. Bailey," I spoke as I stood up while closing my locker. "Awesome, she has the Nazi too." Christina deadpanned as they all began to finish up. "Christina, be nice!" Meredith nudged Christina's arm and tried her best to whisper that to her but failed. "We can show you where she is today." The group leaves the locker room and I trail behind them to find my Aunt.

We head to the elevator and we make it to the third floor, where we come to a spacious waiting area and a front desk that I'd assume contained charts and other important patient information. Among the crowd of people walking around stood Auntie Mandy, writing in a chart binder at the front desk. "Good morning Dr. Bailey." They all said one by one, before George spoke, "I think we have a new intern with us that's on your service." That sparked her to look up from the chart. "New intern? What new intern?" She said almost with an attitude. They all miraculously parted like the Red Sea to reveal my presence to her.

"Well, I'll be damned! If it isn't AJ!" Bailey replied with a smile before running up to hug me, which shocked the group as if they had never seen her act sweet towards anyone. She released me from her grasp and said, "I had no idea they were assigning you to my service! How's your mom? I know everyone must miss me back there in Illinois." Bailey chirped. I hesitated and replied shortly, "Everyone's fine and they do." I laughed awkwardly. "Wait? How do you know Dr. Bailey and how does she know you?" Christina asked, answering the burning question that was floating around in everyone's head.

"She's-" Before Dr. Bailey could finish her sentence our pagers went off. Talk about being saved by the bell. Or beep in this case. I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding in as we all began to follow Bailey's orders on where to be assigned. George ended up being the one to be my guide for the day as I helped him with patients and got used to doing checkups and filling out charts for a few hours. After that, Bailey assigned George to teach me how to run labs and work on sutures in the pit, as well as prescribing actual medicine to the patients. Before I knew it, it was lunchtime.

"Hey, would you like to have lunch with me? I'm usually with everyone because we all eat together sometimes." George asked softly as we headed to the cafeteria I assumed. "Uh, sure." I agreed. I brought a simple lunch with me, a turkey sandwich, apple slices, and carrots. While George offered to buy me apple juice. As I began to sit down next to George, Christina let out a loud groan and said lowly to herself, "Why did George invite someone we barely know to lunch, it's like she's his pet or something." This time Merideth kicked Christina's leg under the table, which caused her to verbally say 'ow' in response.

Upon hearing that comment, before I could start eating I got up and excused myself by saying, "I think left my pager in my locker. I'm gonna go get it." I grabbed all of my things and left immediately, what did I expect from a bunch of strangers? I found an empty hallway with abandoned beds and I ate in silence.

George's POV

AJ grabbed her things and speed walked away. Christina scoffed and spoke, "Looks like she ran off to go find her mommy, Dr. Bailey," Everyone let out laughs at Christina's 'joke' if you even call it that. "Enough!" I yelled as I slammed my hands on the table, "She has been nothing but nice to you guys and this is how you treat her on her first day? People deserve chances and you guys never even gave her that option to one." I grabbed the rest of my lunch and stormed off in hopes of finding AJ, before hearing out what everyone was going to say to my brief speech.

AJ's POV

I was almost done eating my lunch when I heard a familiar voice say, "There you are! I've been looking all over for you!" It was George. What a relief. "You have?" I said as I finished the last of my apple slices before I threw away the remaining trash. "Look, I'm sorry that they were mean to you, they don't like new people coming into their space." George apologized before he sat somewhat next to me. "You don't have to apologize for them George, it's not your place to apologize for them." I feigned a smile to try to reassure him.

"Sometimes they make fun of me too. And I wonder if they're my friends or if I'm convincing myself that they are," George confessed. "Well, can you be yourself when you're around them?" I questioned. George didn't answer. "If you have to think about it for a long time then maybe you should reconsider if they are your friends. Real friends don't make fun of you for being you. They appreciate your uniqueness and don't judge you." I declared. "It seems like you're a friend expert." I laughed a little at his comment. "I've had a lot of friends but never kept any of them so I know what it's like." I spoke truthfully, "Thanks for the lunch, George." I thanked him before I walked away once again.

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By that evening, my hands and feet were tired from walking and constantly talking to all the people. I desperately needed time to recharge my social battery because I could feel myself starting to get overstimulated. The lights were starting to get too bright and the bustling noise could make anyone go insane. I had a few minutes to myself in the on-call room so I spent it playing with my Tangle fidget toy and listening to a playlist of my favorite Michael Jackson songs in the dark while lying down on one of the beds on the bottom bunk. Needless to say, I ended up falling asleep for a good hour before I faintly heard the door open.

"AJ, wake up, Dr. Bailey needed me to find you," George said as he tapped my shoulder in an attempt to wake me. I groaned before sitting up on my elbows and glaring at him for waking me up, "I'm sorry to wake you but she needs more hands in the pit." He confessed which caused me to roll my eyes. I nodded before shoving my MP3 player and fidget toy down in my lab coat pocket. I put my shoes back on while George watched and we both headed out to the pit together.

Only a few more hours to go.

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My first 12-hour shift was finally over. The aching in my feet was beyond compare even though I had comfortable shoes on made for walking. I went back to the locker room to change and I found myself left with a few people and George changing near me. "Are you autistic? I mean, if you are that's okay with me. I won't tell the others if you don't want to tell them so that they don't make fun of you. I'm not saying that they will but they can be mean sometimes. Well, not Izzie. Wait no, Izzie can be mean sometimes but not in-" I just stared at him until he finished rambling.

"Sorry, that was rude. I didn't mean to assume or anything. It's just that I-" George began again before I stopped him. This must have been on his mind all day. "Yes, I'm autistic and I have Adhd as well. And I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone because I don't want any attention on me about it. People will treat me differently." I shrugged it off to George as I grabbed my bag. "Can I ask why?" George said as he sat down on the bench. "Why what?" I replied, not looking at him. "Why don't you want to tell anyone?" I let out a huff and closed the locker before I faced him.

"This is breaking my rules," I mumbled, "Rules? What do you mean?" There was confusion in his voice but I could hear that he wanted to understand. "Ever since I was a kid, I always knew that I was different. I never had a lot of friends growing up and I never was invited to birthday parties because of how people treated me for being different. I don't normally spill my life to people I just met but I feel like I can trust you. I've been judged about my diagnosis of AuDHD. There's no point in trying to be myself when I can be what people expect me to be."

"But doesn't that get tiring? Having to mask all the time?" He asked and I nodded quickly. "It's hard to get a break and for people to not stare at me when I stim and fidget," I said disappointingly, "But what do I expect?" I shrugged it off and began to make my way to the door. "It's hard being myself in a room full of people who don't get you, but thanks anyway for trying to understand George, have a good night."

And with that, I once again walked away. It's becoming a habit now.

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(A month later, at the start of episode 9)

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Izzie had invited me over to help cook and decorate the house for Thanksgiving. I wore a simple outfit, a black long sleeve with denim jeans and black Converse. My favorite brand of shoes.

When I arrived I was greeted by Izzie rushing to get me inside. "I need you to get George for me, he's upstairs and he's supposed to be helping me cook but he hasn't left his room yet," Izzie said frantically. "Oh, okay. Um. Where exactly is his room? I've never been here before." I said while taking off my leather jacket and Izzie hanging it up for me.

"It's up the stairs, down the hall, and to the right." I listened to her directions and I reached George's room. I gently knocked on the door and waited for a reply. "Come in!" George said from the other side. I carefully opened it and saw him fully clothed on his bed with his eyes shut. "Why are you just lying on your bed?" I spoke as I closed his door behind me. He quickly opened his eyes, not knowing it was me.

"AJ! I- when did you get here?" He hurried and sat up to look at me. "I got here just now, not too long ago. You know Izzie wants you downstairs to help right?" I sat down on the end of his bed before he plopped back down with a huff. "I know but I'm afraid to go out there." I quirked a brow, "Afraid? Why would you be afraid?" As I said that he held his hands up and began counting down from 10. A thunderous noise arose from downstairs, and just when he reached zero, 3 men barged into his and screamed, "O'Malley!!"

Startled by the sudden noise, I looked at George for an answer. "Because of that." George huffed again. "Georgie, since when did you have a girlfriend? And she's hot too." I was taken aback at the man's comment. "C'mon, you know Georgie never gets laid," George rolled his eyes before getting up, trying to hide his embarrassment from me. "Please ignore my idiotic brothers," He began to go to his closet and grab camo wear. "Where are you going? Aren't you going to help Izzie?" There was desperation in those chocolate-brown eyes of his, and just when he was about to explain himself the older man chimed in and said, "Our Georgie is gonna kill his first turkey this year, I can feel it!"

"Dad you know Georgie isn't gonna kill a turkey, he never does." His eldest brother spoke, "No, he's gonna chicken out like how he usually does-" "Shut up!" George says while his brothers laugh, his face turning as red as a tomato now. "I'll be back as soon as I can to help. I promise I won't miss dinner." George tells me as he puts on his beanie and I thought he couldn't look any cuter. "Well, you better tell Izzie that," I scoffed as his family began to drag him out of the room chanting 'O'Malley' over and over again until they were down the stairs and out of the door.

"I don't think they're coming back any time soon." Izzie whined, "I hope he doesn't actually kill a bird."

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#greys abc #greys anatomy imagine #greys anatomy #meredith grey #alex karev #george o’malley x reader #george o'malley imagine #george o'malley #izzie stevens #christina yang #slow burn #love triangle #angst to fluff #fluff to smut

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nadianova · 6 months ago

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How much time do you spend planning some of your visual novels? At least going by some of them being jam submissions, it feels like you go from pre-production to a finished build very quickly, and it's amazing how you can manage that while still having an awesome story and so many assets.

Also, what is like, the process of planning a story out for you, if there's any vague or concrete similarities that you've noticed?

i think the important context here is that if i get bored/have nothing to do i jhust immediately get really suicidal its like ridiculous how bad it gets(ITS FINE DONT WORRY ABOUT IT IVE HAD 5 YEARS OF THERAPY). so i hate being bored and want to occupy my time wit something fun whatever that is. if i have a project to focus on but especially if I'm working for a game jam i have a deadline and i just decide to myself okay i will release a game now.

because ive made a decent amount of games i roughly have an idea on my capabilities, i can estimate how long it takes for me to write a story so and so long and how long it takes for me to draw stuff i need and how long it takes for me to throw stuff in renpy. these are estimates like as in I'm not accurate with it but still enough that i generally know where to start cutting ideas since the most important part is just having something to submit. i also know to plan around my brain wanting to slam my head into a wall an my hands suddenly giving up on being able to draw.

i think thats the beauty of game jams it forces you to just go for it and release something. releasing a 'bad' game is better than no game at all. experience only comes over time and i think just going for it is the best approach there is. like its literally 2 weeks 1 month whatever of your life. if you have the time and motivation go for it. make it work or fuck it up it wont matter in the grand scheme of things

im not sure what is the motivation behind the question but i do want to point out that this is just my method (if you can even call it a method) and the only way to figure out what works for you is to just try until you find something that actually works for you

idk not everyone will find it doable/fun to plan around spending two weeks gamedev 10 hours a day just cause i wanted to fit in 100 cgs for a jam game but apparently i can do that when i cheat my stupid adhd brain into hyperfocus with adhd meds

READMORE BECAUSE I CANT STOP RAMBLING

as for planning tho i think ideas on their own are worthless and its always about execution in the end. a great idea or a meh idea are the same for me but i do still enjoy the planning process so i keep notes

like i see a great tumblr post or i see some art or visual novel has some scene that inspires me: i save that shit for myself

having a big collection of random floating ideas like that helps me easily pick from especially during a jam type duration. right now i have like 4-5 half-baked project skeletons, some are literally like 3 pictures and some like naomida are a hundred hours worth of me writing world building about how the toilets work in a city with no plumbing cause its -30celcius(i love bringing this up)=

i dont normally plan that much, i tend to just wing it. like for malmaid i seriously just had some rough ideas and just went along as i wrote

same thing for dddeviance i had a handful of scenes that i really wanted to make and knew what kind of start and end it was meant to have and just figured out how to fill the in between. a lot of plot points changed vastly like halfway through i realised my devil + angel combination was stupid and i should just go for fallen angel + angel.

i think there really is no simple answer tho (as evident from the long as hell post) i don't really have a 'process' because every single game has been worked on has come with different type of planning since I'm always trying new stuff to try and distract me from boredom. like I've been using obsidian for naomida while previously I've just used a empty discord serve as my notes app for malmaid and dddeviance

and tbh with naomida I'm running to a new problem where I'm definitely planning too much. like I'm spending too much time fidgeting with details in chapter 4 even when i haven't finished writing chapter 1 just cause its so easy to get in the loop of "oh ill just change this one line" and boom 20 mins spent playing with my notes that didn't really progress my game since by the time i reach this point the whole scene might have shifted to something else

but if i had to squeeze an answer itd be something like everything related to my art or writing or games is just like "oooooo that seems fun i should remember this for later" and then i just string 10-100 of those into a story

i tend to write my stories in a format of

character A does this and that

this happens here

puppy play ryona piss orgasm

new day and then this happens here

sad thing happens

more piss orgasm

the end

and just like start filling in more details and working on my story in a nonlinear fashion until i feel like i have a strong enough skeleton that i can start writing my scenes. i hop around a lot, often preferring to write the fun scenes first like ero stuff or the ones I'm the most interested in and then the rest is just filling the blanks and stringing the cool scenes together

#idk #dev rambling i guessssssssssssssssssssssssss #asked

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jpmarvel90 · 1 year ago

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Don't let me down - Final Part

Masterlist Scarlett Masterlist

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

Relationship: MamaScarlett x 16 yr old Reader

Summary: With Y/n still healing from her injuries, she now has to face her abuser in court. The difference for her this time, she has a family there to support her.

Word count: 7418

Y/n's POV:

"I got you sweetheart. Just use me for balance." Mom instructs me as she helps me to get out of the car. I'm still a little dopy from all the meds I got at the hospital, so it's proving to be a bit difficult to get to my feet with my crutches. "Here let me help." Dad says taking my other arm and helping me to my feet. "Laura, honey. Could you go and open the door for us please?" Mom asks, holding out the keys to my girlfriend.

I watch as she grabs the keys and rushes to the front door. My eyes don't leave her until she's disappeared into the house. "Someone's in love." Mom teases me, making dad laugh. "Shut up." I mumble, making them laugh more. "Come, let's get you inside. You ok on your crutches." Mom asks me and I nod, taking my new walking aids she's holding out to me.

With a bit of a struggle, I start to hop my way towards the house. Mom stays close behind me and dad to my side just in case I fall. The first obstacle I face is the few steps leading into the house. Having never used crutches before, I find it difficult to get up the steps and into the safety of the house.

I smile when I see Laura rushing around the living room, moving the footrest into place, and grabbing a couple of blankets. "Let's get you on the sofa and we can think about some lunch." Mom suggests, guiding me into the living room. Laura takes over in helping me get comfortable on the sofa and props my casted leg up with a pillow.

When I'm comfortable Laura dashes off to the kitchen to help mom with lunch, whilst dad sits next to me fussing over me. "Are you ok? How's the pain? Are you comfortable enough?" He rushes out a number of questions, making me smile. I can't believe I got lucky enough to have a dad that cares about me so much. "I'm doing good dad. I'm sore but I'm also aware that I'm going to be in pain for the next few weeks." I respond, resting my hand on his.

He looks up to me with a warm smile. "I'm never going to get used to you calling me dad." He shares, squeezing my hand and pressing a kiss to my forehead. "If you're like this with me, I can only imagine the emotional wreck you're going to be when Cosmo starts talking!" I tease him. "Talking of Cosmo, when do I get cuddles with my little brother? It's been three days since I've seen him!" I pout. I won't tell any of them this, but Cosmo is definitely my favourite. He's so cute and he's my snuggle buddy. It's exactly what I need right now.

"Melanie is coming around to drop him home in a couple of hours and you can hug him until your hearts content." He responds making me smile widely and giving a little fist bump, making him laugh.

After a few minutes, mom and Laura return to the living room with plates and drinks in hand. Laura is holding a plate with some sandwiches on and hands me a glass of juice. "Thanks babe." I smile at her, puckering my lips for a kiss. She chuckles but gives me what I want and slips into the spot that Colin had just vacated. "You ok?" She asks me quietly, but I can feel mom's eyes on me too. "I'm hungry, so thank you for this." I smile at her, taking a big bite from my ham and cheese sandwich. "How's your pain?" Mom jumps in, clearly not happy with my answers.

"Still manageable, but they gave me a good dose before we left the hospital this morning." I respond as she nods, still looking at me concerned. "I'm fine mom." I reassure her, not wanting her to sit there and worry about me. "Well, any pain, let us know and we can get you the relevant pain killers." She instructs me and I easily agree. I have no plans to let the pain get too much!

Dad thankfully puts the TV on whilst we eat, otherwise it would have been awkward silence with everyone's eyes on me. As I'm eating, I keep thinking about how lucky I am to have my parents. I've been hurt badly before, but it was at the hands of my parents, so they didn't give me any love and care. This is all so alien to me. But it's nice to know that they care about my wellbeing.

I hadn't initially planned on calling them mom and dad. But when I was in pain, I wanted my mom. Scarlett had proven to me that she is sticking around and wants to be my mom. Ever since I've moved in here, she has done everything to make me feel safe and loved. Calling her mom felt good. It made me finally feel like I was home with a family.

I'm so glad that I did because their reactions were everything I could ask for. Knowing how much it means to them to have the title of mom and dad, makes me happy and is another element of proof that they are my family. I finally feel happy. I have everything I could ask for.

With lunch finished, we sit enjoying each other's company. Though when the doorbell goes, I get excited to see my little brother again. I can hear mom greet Melanie and Cosmo at the front door and wait in anticipation. "You're cute when you're excited." Laura teases me, making me pout. One that she is quick to kiss away. "Dad's still in the room." Dad calls out to us, making Laura blush. "Makes up for all the times I've walked in on you and mom sucking face." I retort, making his mouth drop open, no response found.

Thankfully, our conversation can't carry on as mom and Melanie walk into the living room, Cosmo in mom's arms. I hold my arms up and make grabby hands to my little brother, making mom laugh. She thankfully, doesn't keep him away from me and I hold him close. He starts babbling at me with a wide smile as I chat back to him. "How do you have this affect on him?" Dad asks me. "I'm just that likable." I respond, making them laugh.

"How are you feeling sweetie?" Melanie asks me, taking a seat. "I'm doing better now I'm home." I respond. "I was so worried when your mom called me. I'm glad that you're doing ok." She smiles at me. I notice that everyone else has disappeared out of the living room, with Laura saying she was going to grab me a hoody as she noticed I was cold. I didn't even realise that until she pointed it out. She knows me so well. "You've got lucky there." Melanie points out, nodding her head towards the stairs where Laura just disappeared. "Yeah. Not quite sure how I landed her." I chuckle in return.

"You're not a bad catch yourself Y/n. Don't talk badly about my granddaughter." She playfully scolds me. Calling me her granddaughter catches me off guard and I suddenly become very interested with the baby in my hands. Keeping my gaze on Cosmo I decide now is as good a time as ever to talk to her. "Uh. About that." I start, not wanting to make eye contact. "Calling you Melanie seems weird. Especially as I'm calling those two weridos hiding in the doorway mom and dad." I start, calling out my parents whose presence is very obvious.

We both laugh when we hear whispered shouting and the sound of them scurrying away. "What I mean is. Would you mind if I called you grandma like Rose does?" I ask tentatively, still focusing on a smiling Cosmo. When there is no response, my whole body starts to tense, worried I've made this awkward. Though a soft hand under my chin, brings my gaze to meet Melanie's whose is glossed over.

"I would love that Y/n." She tells me, her voice full of certainty. "From the day you were born I have loved you with everything I have. Getting a chance to be your grandmother is everything that I've wanted. Getting to see you happy here with Scarlett and the family, is perfect. So yes. Please do call me grandma." She shares, cupping my face as a few tears fall down my cheeks. "Thank you." I sniffle as she pulls me into a tight hug, careful of the baby between us. We both quickly compose ourselves and are soon talking about something entirely different. Seems like we're similar in not enjoying lingering on things that make us cry!

The rest of the afternoon is nice as we spend it together and I'm excited for Rose to come home so we can have the movie night that I promised. Mom and Laura went out shopping to get everything that we're going to need. When they come back in, they're laughing together over something, making me look to dad and grandma. "Should I be worried how well they're getting on?" I jokingly ask. "Oh, shut up Y/n/n. Surely you're happy I get on with your mom." Laura jumps in, clearly having heard my comment. "Besides, we bonded over the trauma of seeing you hurt." Mom adds on. "Anyway, shouldn't one of you be going to get Rose?" I ask, quickly changing the subject. Dad jumps up after realising the time and offers to go and get her.

An hour later and the front door swings open, Rose rushing through the house. "Sissy! You're home!" She cheers, jumping on the sofa next to me and wrapping her arms around me. "I missed you." She tells me as I hug her. "I missed you too Rosie." I respond. She pulls away and scrunches up her face as her gaze lands on my eye. "It's looking yucky today." She points out as I chuckle at her blunt response.

My eye has completely swollen shut and when I caught a glimpse in the mirror in the hospital bathroom, I winced at it myself. It's a lovely shade of dark purple and reminds me of some of the injuries I suffered at the hands of my adoptive parents. Not that I would ever say that to Scarlett as I think that might push her over the edge.

"What movie do you want to watch?" I ask Rose, moving the subject on from my injuries. "Uh. Can we watch Toy Story?" She questions in return, and I respond with a wide smile. "Yes! I love it and it's Laura's favourite." I share and that makes Rose even happier. "How about we order some food and then we can get settled in for the movie. As it's Friday, we can maybe even watch the second one two. Mom, are you staying?" Mom suggests before turning to grandma. "I would never miss out on movie night!" She responds making Rose cheer.

It's a lovely evening, probably one of my favourites since I've moved here. It's calm but I'm surrounded by my family. Laura is snuggled into me on the right and I have Rose on my left, her head resting on my shoulder. We have pizza for dinner and eat far too many snacks. But it is so worth it!

Rose falls asleep near the end of the second movie and Scarlett coos over how cute she looks asleep with my arm wrapped around her. "I'll take her up." Colin offers, walking over and carefully lifting Rose into his arms. "Laura, would you like to stay?" Mom asks. "Oh uh. If that's ok?" Laura responds in surprise. "Of course. But the door has to stay open at least a few inches." She warns me with a pointed finger. "Seriously mom. I'm fresh from surgery and not very mobile at the moment. What do you think will happen?" I ask her with a raised eyebrow. "Rule still stands Missy. Now, shall we start the journey to get your upstairs?" She raises and eyebrow at me before standing and holding her hand out to me.

I quickly say goodbye to grandma before she leaves. She promises to come back tomorrow and I'm excited to spend some more time with her. I then move my focus on to the stairs in front of me.

Between mom and Laura, they get me to the bottom of the stairs. I hand my crutches to Laura and place my butt on the step. Mom then takes my injured leg carefully, holding it up as I use my arms to shuffle up the stairs. The doctor suggested this was the easiest way to get upstairs without the risk of falling. It's not the most elegant, but I make it work.

When I'm at the top of the stairs the two of them lift me up as my arms are already aching. I then hop into my bedroom where Laura helps to get me into some pyjamas. Turns out I lose a lot of dignity when in a full leg cast! We eventually get into bed and Laura makes sure that my leg is elevated before getting under the quilt next to me. "Are you going to get any closer or you just going to cling to the edge of the bed?" I ask her, almost insulted that she's not cuddling up to me. "I don't want to hurt you." She explains, fiddling with the hem of the quilt. "I'm fine babe. I'd be far more comfortable being able to snuggle with you." I defend.

She looks at me with a frown for a bit and then slowly moves closer and rests her arm over my waist. "Is this ok?" She asks tentatively. I move my own arm around her shoulder and pull her closer and press a kiss to her head. "Perfect." I respond. It's so often Laura that holds me, but my currently situation makes that difficult and I'm actually enjoying being the one to hold her for once. It's not long until sleep starts to wash over me and, with Laura's soft movements over my stomach, it doesn't take me long to fall into a deep, much need sleep.

__________

Over the next couple of weeks, Laura is amazing. She's been the best girlfriend that I could ask for. She drives me too and from school as Mom has started to work longer hours. I'm basically waited on hand and foot. When we're at school, her and the team help me out as much as they can. I've still been going to training and matches but I've been helping Coach Saunders from the side lines. I hate that I'm not able to play with them, but I feel somewhat useful from my position on the bench.

I'm using it as a distraction as this week I have my date to appear in court and provide a statement against Mr Woodstock. I'm really nervous and I'm worried about having to share everything that's happened to me. Mom and dad have been really attentive of me, checking in on me regularly. I've assured them I'm ok. It's going to be a horrible experience, but I'm doing as well as I can be in the situation.

Come the morning of the court case I'm a nervous wreck. I didn't sleep well, and I couldn't stop going over what I needed to remember. I knew that mom wasn't sleeping either as I heard her walking around during the night. I think she feels a little helpless and she's probably also nervous as she's going to hear about some of the things that happened to me that I've not shared with her before. It's not going to be fun for any of us.

Grandma has Cosmo today and will be picking Rose up for her to stay with her. We've not really talked much with her about what's happening as it's hard for a 7 year old to understand. But she's happy to be having a sleep over at grandma's tonight.

I just about manage to get myself ready into the pant suit that mom had bought for me to wear. Thankfully, it's a wide leg and I can fit the leg over my cast.

I finish my hair and I then start to make my way out of my room. Thankfully, dad is coming out at the same time and helps me to get down the stairs and into the kitchen. As we turn the corner, I see a familiar dirty blonde sat at the island, chatting with mom. "Lizzie?" I question, making her turn around and stand from her seat. I notice that she's dressed in a suit herself. "Hey kid." She greets me, walking over and giving me a cautious hug.

"What are you doing here?" I ask her, as she helps me to a seat. "I wanted to be there to support my niece." She tells me with a soft smile. I'm shocked she would do that for me. I'm so grateful that she wants to support me. But I also know how much of a support she will be to mom. "How are you feeling sweetheart?" Mom asks me as she places some pancakes in front of me. "Nervous." Is the only word I'm able to get out. "I can understand that. Just remember we are all here for you and Danny is going to do a great job in helping you out. You are so brave for doing this. I just know you're going to do so well." She reassures me, pressing a kiss to my head.

I don't eat a lot. I mainly move the pancakes around my plate whilst the adults talk. I feel slightly sick and I'm worried if I eat, it'll just give my stomach something to throw up with all the nerves I'm feeling. Thankfully, mom and dad don't push me to eat and we're soon out of the door on our way to the courthouse.

Lizzie sits in the back of the car with me and holds my hand tightly. It's the quietest car ride I've had. The radio is playing quietly, but no one is saying anything. Thankfully, we get to the courthouse pretty quickly and I'm shocked when I see my girlfriend waiting for me on the steps leading up to the building.

As soon as she sees our car, she rushes down the steps and opens my door to start helping me out. "What are you doing here?" I ask her. She was meant to be in school today and practice this afternoon. "I ditched. There was no way that I'm not being there for you today." She responds, pressing a quick kiss to my lips before helping me to start the hard task of getting out the car and on my feet.

"You really didn't have to do that. We've got our exams soon." I grimace as I fight the pain from the unusual movement to my leg. "Well, luckily for me, I have this really smart girlfriend who can tutor me if I need it." She smirks at me as Lizzie passes me my crutches. "Ready to head in?" Dad asks me as he and mom flank my sides and Lizzie follows from behind. I nod and we start to make our way to the entrance.

The security guard sees us coming and kindly holds the door open for me and Danny meets us in the lobby. He greets each of us and goes over the proceedings for today. They're currently in session right now and I'll be giving my testimony after the next recess.

Danny takes us into one of the side rooms and we go over everything one more time. "I actually think that today may be easier than we expected." Danny starts to talk, taking us all by surprise. "Why is that?" Mom asks. "He's been very explosive in court. Even his lawyer looks fed up with him. He's said a couple of things that have contradicted his own statements. I don't want to get your hopes up, but I'm hopefully that the cross examination won't be as tough as we anticipated." Danny explains.

You'd think that would help to put my nerves at ease, but I don't let it get to me. I still want to be prepared for the worst. I can't be caught off guard today if I'm going to do a good job. "He's made this case into a bit of a circus, and I believe he only pleaded not guilty to try and get his fame. But it's a closed case and that's frustrated him." Danny answers after dad questions his motives.

I try to remain focused, but all I can think about is the fact that I'm about to see Mr Woodstock again. I feel a hand take mine and I look down to see familiar rings. I turn and see mom's concerned gaze on me. "Everything is going to be ok, and we'll be right here." She reminds me and wraps an arm around me, providing me with comfort that I desperately need right now.

A court aid comes in and notifies us that a 10 minute recess has just been called. I decide now is the time for a quick bathroom break to allow me a moment to compose myself. I can do this. I know I am telling the truth and I can help ensure that he gets what he deserves. I just need to be brave.

Scarlett's POV:

I'm so nervous for today. I can't even imagine how Y/n must be feeing right now. She's been quiet and barely touched her food, but I couldn't force her to eat, especially when I had done the same. I wait anxiously for her to return from the bathroom with Laura. I know that she needed a minute, but I don't want to leave her side today.

I give her a big smile as I see her walking, well hopping, down the hall back to us. Danny then guides us into the courtroom and directs us to a row of seats. But before we can get there, my eyes land on the man that has hurt my daughter in more ways than one.

I feel sick as he smirks in our direction, and I move my body to block his view of Y/n. Though it doesn't stop him calling out to me. "You can't even protect your daughter when she's living in your own home!" He snarls at us. I can see Y/n's whole body tense, but she keeps her head up, ignoring his comment. "Dean that's enough!" His lawyer scolds him. Danny's right, he does look completely fed up with his client.

As well as Y/n has been able to ignore Mr Woodstock's comment, I can't. He's right. I promised that she would be safe with me, yet she's already had a two night stay in the hospital. "Don't listen to him. He's trying to get a reaction from you." Colin whispers to me as he wraps an arm around me and pulls me away from the staring match, I have with the man who abused my daughter.

He's right and I shake this feeling and turn to focus on my daughter. She needs me at 100% right now and not feeling sorry for myself. Lizzie and Colin file into the row first then I follow, helping Y/n get into her seat. Laura then takes the spot the other side of her, and Danny sits on the row in front of us, turning to reassure Y/n.

"Miss Y/l/n, thank you for giving your testimony and coming in here physically today." The DA greets Y/n, holding his hand out to shake Y/n's. She gives him a tight lipped smile whilst he explains what's going to happen and we all listen intently. Almost as soon as he finishes talking, the judge returns to the room, and we take our seats for the session.

I notice Y/n's hand tapping at her leg, whilst her eyes dart around the room. She's trying to ground herself, so I reach out and take her hand hoping that the touch might give her some comfort. She squeezes it in return, turning slightly to mouth a thank you.

"Your honour, I'd like to call Miss Y/n Y/l/n to the stand." The DA states, making Y/n's whole body tense. Laura and I both stand to help Y/n to her feet as Danny moves to the aisle. He waits for her to stand and moves to kindly escort her to the stand. As they're walking, I hear a chuckle from the defence bench, and I start to fume when I see him laughing. "Now that's an injury I didn't do!" He laughs out loud. "Mr Woodstock, please refrain from calling out. You are already on a warning." The judge scolds him, but his smile doesn't falter. It makes my blood boil and it's taking everything in me to not go over there and punch him.

Y/n once again ignores him, making me look at her in awe. She has such strength. Danny makes sure she's settled and comfortable before returning to his spot. Laura scootches closer to me and I take her hand in mine. I think that we both need it.

"Thank you, Miss Y/l/n, for coming in today and providing us with this testimony." The DA smiles at her. "You're welcome, Sir. But please call me Y/n." She responds, with as confident a smile as she can.

DA: "Of course. Now Y/n, you were in the care of Mr Woodstock for 19 months. Is that correct?"

Y/n: Yes sir. I was moved to his foster home when my parents passed away.

DA: How many kids were in the home when you arrived?

Y/n: There were three others. Four including myself.

DA: What was it like when you first started living there?

Y/n: It was ok. He kind of left us to it. There was food in the fridge, and we made sure to do the chores. But we didn't see him often. I liked it because it meant that I was able to join soccer at school and make some new friends. My previous parents hadn't been so accommodating.

DA: So, it wasn't actually a bad living situation?

Y/n: No sir.

DA: When did that change?

Y/n: I couldn't give you an exact date. But more kids started to move in and at one point there were 14 of us. This was maybe after about three months. This was when he started to drink. The more he drank the more angry he got.

DA: And when you say angry, what would set him off?

Y/n: Anything really. If something was out of place in the house. If we were late home or there wasn't beer in the house. Sometimes you just had to pass him and he would get angry at you for being there.

DA: What would happen when he was angry?

I watch as Y/n pauses, she takes the glass of water in front of her and uses her time to calm her breathing. She's already spoken so well, but this is where the questions are going to become more difficult.

Y/n: It started with yelling. He might throw things. One day I yelled at him because he threw a glass near one of the younger kids and that was the first time that he um. That he... he hit me.

I feel tears prickle at my eyes as I watch Y/n share this. You can see the turmoil in her own eyes as she talks. Colin reaches around and wraps an arm over my shoulder. He looks to me and I see that his eyes are also glossed over.

DA: Did he ever hit the younger kids?

Y/n: Not at first. Us older ones tried to make sure they were kept out of his way. But we weren't always there to protect them.

She shares, her head dropping as if she's ashamed she wasn't able to do more to protect them. But she was just a kid herself. That wasn't her responsibility.

DA: When the defendant would engage in physical violence with you, was it just one hit or multiple?

Y/n: Uh, that depended on how angry and drunk he was. It was common to get a slap or a punch here or there. But when he was really angry, he would become terrifying, and it was like he didn't have control. There were times that we were beaten until we were unconscious.

Mr Woodstock: Yet you still didn't learn!

There's a collective gasp at his outburst and the judge hits his gavel. "I've told you once in this session Mr Woodstock. One more outburst and you will be removed into custody." He threatens.

DA: Did you ever get treated at the hospital?

Y/n: Only if Mr Woodstock took us. He would only do that if it would be something that the school might pick up on or we wouldn't heal on our own.

I can't believe how well she is speaking right now. The pain is evident on her face, but she is answering clearly and concisely, just like Danny coached her. Not once has she allowed her gaze to move to Mr Woodstock, even when he had his outburst. I'm so incredibly proud of her and I'm lucky that I get to call her my daughter.

DA: This next question may be difficult, so please take your time if you need to. Are you able to tell us the most severe injuries that you have received from the defendant and what led to that?

My breath hitches at the question. I'm not naive. I know she's been through more than I saw when she first moved into our home. But knowing that I'm about to hear it now makes me feel sick.

Y/n does take a moment as she collects her thoughts. She takes another sip and I notice that her hand is shaking as she drinks. She is doing such a great job of hiding how nervous she is.

Y/n: I was playing with Freya, one of the younger kids at the home. Whilst we were playing, I accidently knocked over one of the bottles of vodka that was sat on the kitchen table. The crashing sound got Mr Woodstock's attention and I could hear his loud footsteps coming down the stairs. I told Freya to run and not say a word so she would be safe whilst I focused on clearing up the large shards of glass.

Of course, she protected the younger girl. She always has been so caring. She would have known she was in for it when Mr Woodstock got there but she made sure the little girl was safe over her own safety. Y/n takes another deep breath and I notice a shake appear in her voice as she starts to talk again.

Y/n: Within a second of his being in the kitchen, he had lifted me off the ground, his hand tightly around my neck as he pinned me to the wall. He was yelling at me for making a mess and how much that bottle had cost. His grip was really tight and made it difficult to breathe. He then uh....

DA: It's ok Y/n. Take your time.

I want to just get out of my seat and wrap my arms around her and protect her from the world. To take away all these bad memories.

Y/n: H-he punched me in the stomach and threw me onto the floor. I landed on the glass, and I could feel it cut my skin. The cuts stung when the spilt alcohol hit them. I was so scared. I had never seen a rage like it before. I thought he would go too far this time.

Tears are now falling freely down my cheeks and I can hear sniffles coming from Laura. She knew a lot of what happened to Y/n, but I'm sure that doesn't make hearing any of this any easier.

Y/n: Whilst I was on the floor, he repeatedly kicked me in the stomach and then once to the head which knocked me out.

DA: What happened after?

Y/n: Harriet, she found me and got one of the other kids to help carry me up to our room. Whilst I was unconscious, she cleaned my cuts and stayed with me until I woke up.

DA: And did you receive any medical treatment?

Y/n: No sir. Mr Woodstock said if I even thought about going to the hospital that he would kill me. He also called in sick to school for me so no one would be able to see the damage.

There is a silence as we all take in what she has told us. This was just one occasion. I can't imagine the fear she must have lived in.

DA: This is another difficult question. But I have to ask it. Did he ever sexually assault you or any of the other kids.

Y/n: No. Well, I guess I can only confirm for sure that he did not with me. I don't believe he did with any of the other kids. But I would not be able to say that with certainty.

I didn't realise how much I needed to hear that. I let out a breath of relief. There was a part of me that was terrified that she had experienced far more pain that she had shared. But hearing her confirm that she had at least been spared that pain, is a small bit of solace I can take.

DA: Thank you Y/n you are doing so well. I just have two more questions for you. The night that the police were called on the defendant, could you explain how you had come to be injured that day?

Y/n: Whenever we had guests, Mr Woodstock would make sure that we all looked our best, the house was spotless, and he was sober. After a misunderstanding, my biological mother and Mr Osborne had come to the house looking for me. As he wasn't expecting them, Mr Woodstock was drunk when they arrived. When I returned home that evening, he was angry at me that they had come by and seen him in that state.

DA: Thank you Y/n. Is there anything that you'd like to add to your testimony?

I watch as Y/n ponders the question. We knew this was going to be asked but she had always declined adding anything. But for the first time her gaze moves to the defendant's table, and she locks eyes with Mr Woodstock.

Y/n: I've not had an easy life. My adopted parents were just as bad as Mr Woodstock. When I was moved into his home, I felt relief that maybe I was able to get a childhood that I had missed out on. Yes, I may have had more freedom and the chance to make new friends. But what you don't see is the effect that Mr Woodstock has had on me internally. I struggle to trust people, which is very hard when you're trying to build new relationships. I'm constantly questioning my worth after being told that I'm useless and unwanted. I have both mental and physical scars all because of that man. He made my life hell and I'm grateful that he is finally being held accountable for his actions. I just wish I had the courage to step forward sooner. But I will say, for all the pain I went through, some goodness came from it all. I was reunited with my mother, and I have a family now. I'm in a place where I am safe and loved. Somewhere you always said that I would never get. Well, I proved you wrong Mr Woodstock. I'm finally happy.

Pride overwhelms me at her words. I still have an endless stream of tears running down my cheeks as my emotions are all over the place. Her gaze moves from that horrible man to me, and I mouth 'I love you' to her and give her a teary smile. One that she returns easily.

DA: That was very well said Y/n. Thank you for taking the time to come and share your experience today. I understand that this is very hard for you to have to relive, but we appreciate you being brave enough to share your story. The state has no further questions your honour.

My heart starts to beat harshly against my chest as the defence lawyer stands behind his desk unbuttoning his suit jacket. I pray he goes easy on her. Not breaking her down and making people question her truth. There is nothing I can do but watch what is about to occur.

"Your honour. I cannot in good conscience cross examine this witness. I have no evidence to the contrary of Miss Y/l/n's testimony and the outbursts from my client have added to her statement. It would be immoral for me to question her honesty when I believe her words. So, with that said, the defence rests." We are all in shock as he declines to cross examine taking us all by surprise.

"Are you serious! You're not going to defend me?!" Mr Woodstock shouts at his lawyer. Keeping calm, we watch as he whispers something to Mr Woodstock who looks frustrated before reluctantly accepting whatever it is he said. "Your honour. My client would like to adjust his plea from not guilty to guilty on all accounts." There's another collective gasp from the audience in the courtroom. That was not how we saw this going.

"I cannot say that I don't appreciate the unnecessary use of federal funds for this court case. But I appreciate you changing your plea before more can be wasted. I will call a recess until Friday when I will sentence the Defendant." The judge hits his gavel and court is dismissed. "Miss Y/l/n, you're free to leave the stand now." The judge smiles kindly at her whilst Danny moves quickly to help her.

We all jump up and move to Y/n, taking our turns to hug her. When it gets to me, I hold her tightly as we both cry in each other's arms. "You are incredibly brave for doing what you did, and I can't tell you how proud I am of you." I tell her whilst cupping her face. "Thanks mom." She returns through a small smile. "You did a great job Y/n. You spoke as someone far beyond your years." Danny compliments her as I finally let her go from my grip. "All thanks to your help." She replies but Danny shakes his head. "That was all you." He defends.

"How about I go and grab the car and we can head home and get some takeout to celebrate?" Colin suggests and we all agree. "Come on, I'll escort you out." Danny says, as we make our way out of the courtroom and towards the exit of the courthouse.

When the door opens, we're met by a flood of bright flashes. I look around and see paparazzi surrounding us.

Scarlett who is the girl?

Why are you in court?

Is she your secret daughter?

Who hurt her?

I quickly move to Y/n's side as Laura stands protective on the other. Danny walks slightly ahead to block the view on my daughter as Lizzie flows behind as we basically block her in and hopefully from view of the intrusive cameras. I avoid every question being shouted at us, and focus on making sure my daughter makes it safely to the car.

Thankfully, Colin doesn't take long to arrive at the bottom of the steps and the security guards have come over to help too. We get Y/n in the back of the car and all slip in as quickly as we can so we can get away from this madness.

When we're around the corner and out of sight, I turn around to see Y/n breathing heavily on the back seat. "Are you ok? I'm so sorry about that? I don't know how they knew we were there." I rush out hoping she doesn't blame me. "It's ok mom. You couldn't help it." She responds, giving me a half hearted smile. "It was bound to come out at some point." She adds on. "Yeah, but this was not how I wanted it to. I wanted to control it, so you were as safe and as comfortable with it as possible." I share, frustrated that it's come out like this. "Seriously mom it's fine." She reiterates so I leave it for now.

When we get home, we all change out of our nice clothes and into comfy alternatives for our lazy evening. The atmosphere is completely different. It's lighter now. "Why did you ask them to call you Y/n in there? Danny had mentioned about courtroom protocol." Laura asks Y/n, whose gaze dropped to her hands. "I don't like my name?" She mumbles. "What do you mean?" Colin asks. She then looks up shyly. "Y/l/n is the name of the people who hurt me most. I didn't want him to keep using it whilst I testified." She admits almost scared to do so.

"Then let's change it." I state confidently. Both Y/n and Colin's heads snapping to look at me. "I think we need to address the rumours before they get out of control. I would love it if I could introduce my daughter to the world as Y/n Johansson." I smile at her. "Let us adopt you. You've always been my daughter, but I want it to be legally so. I want there to be no doubt that you are part of this family and I'm your mom." I'm practically begging her. I just hope that she feels the same.

"You're serious? You both want that?" Y/n asks, looking to Colin now. "Oh kiddo. I don't need a bit of paper to call you, my daughter. But adopting you would make me happier than you'd ever know." Colin shares with a teary smile. "So, what do you think?" I ask her as I wait for her response, my heart thumping in my chest. Y/n looks around to Lizzie and Laura who are both smiling widely at her. "Ok, I'd love that. You've given me everything I could ask for. Everything I thought I would never get. Thank you so much." She responds.

At those words I'm out of my seat and wrapping her in a tight hug. "Thank you for coming back to me and giving me a chance to make things right with you. I can't tell you the happiness you have brought to my life by being here again. I promise you that you will always have a safe home here. I love you so much my sweet girl." I tell her as I hold her close. We have cried so much today, but this time it's happy tears and I couldn't be happier.

Y/n's POV:

I can't believe it. They're actually adopting me. They really do want me to be part of this family. There was a time that I thought that I wouldn't be able to forgive Scarlett. But now I can look back and see that she thought she was doing what was best for me. She had no control over what would happen to me. She trusted that the state would keep me safe. I can't blame her forever.

She has done nothing but prove herself since I moved here. She has given me so much love as well as a dad, a sister and brother. Hell, she's given me this huge wider family too. It's surreal to me that I have that now. As we settle down, I cuddle into Laura, who wraps her arm around me and places a kiss on my head. "Are you ok?" She whispers to me so the others can't hear. "I'm happier than I've ever been. I've got the most amazing girlfriend I could ask for and a family I never thought I'd have." I respond truthfully, moving my head so I can connect my lips with hers. As I pull away, I look into her gaze and just see love in return. "I got my happy ending."

#scarlett johansson x y/n #scarlett johansson x reader #scarlett johansson fanfiction #scarlett johansson #celebrity fanfic #celebrity fanfiction

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hussyknee · 2 years ago

Text

I'm so fucking mad.

Yesterday I took 50mg of Atomoxetine (Strattera) out of sheer frustration instead of my prescribed 30mg which was doing nothing.

And then...I was like "get up" and I would get up. "Go find the electricity bill" and went and found the electricity bill. "Sort through all the mail and organise it" and just. Fucking. Did it. No getting stuck for half an hour and spiralling in anxiety because my executive commands weren't going through.

I went to the hospital and begged those fuckers to increase my dosage and spent half an hour trying to convince them that this is clearly my ADHD symptoms being exacerbated by anxiety that's fucking me up. They refused, said "Oh, but anyone would find it difficult to function in your situation", and increased my Venlafaxine (Effexor) instead, although that fuckin plateaus any further than the dosage I already take. My primary doc knows this, but I have better luck catching Bigfoot than her at NHSL anymore so I keep having to tussle with the junior dipshits.

Granted I seem to have overshot a bit, because I spent a while vibrating into the fifth dimension. Felt like I'd had six cups of coffee and needed to do three things at once. Perhaps I should have attempted 40mg first. But 50mg very much did catapult me out of this neverending rut.

WEEKS OF BEING TRAPPED BY THE STATIC IN MY BRAIN LIKE A ROOMBA ON A RUG. I couldn't get out of bed, eat on time, shower, make my bed, do my laundry, go to bed. The simplest fucking tasks like pushing a boulder uphill with a stick. Sitting on the bed doomscrolling and tearing the soles of my feet into strips so bloody that it hurt to walk. I don't pick at my feet anymore! Didn't even realize I hadn't until the end of yesterday. This is the first time I've stopped in months. I stock up on band-aids and keep them next to my bed because I usually bleed in about three places within a day. And I pick the scabs off the still-healing wounds. All stopped by 20mg more of Strattera!!!

In other medication fuckery, I stopped the anti-inflammatory meds I was taking for my back because 1) the total cost of my meds was getting insane and 2) I haven't been in pain the last two months. I looked up whether there were side effects for long-term use of NSAIDs and found that using any of them with Venlafaxine increases the chance of gastrointestinal bleeding?? The way I've been having all this time?? Was my rheumatologist ever gonna tell me?? I'm just so used to flares, so fogged in my head and so relatively pain-free that I didn't especially note it. Turns out– the only reason I haven't been in pain is because I was taking the fucking anti-inflammatories. Imagine that! So I can either take Venlafaxine (which I cherish like a child regardless of the wrath-of-God withdrawal any time I miss a single dose) or I can take NSAIDs??

*googles anti-inflammatory meds other than NSAIDs*

Internet: "eat pineapple idk. have you tried tumeric?"

I hate my life.

#medication woes #life update #cw skin picking #excoriation disorder #actually ADHD #ableism #medical gaslighting #adhd meds #atomoxetine #nsaids #ulcerative colitis #chronic illness #spoonie #disability #effexor #inflammatory bowel disease #knee of huss #fuck my life

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lunaryfairy · 9 months ago

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I'm coming to you with this question because you were a heroin addict so you know what its like to feel REAL withdrawal from hard drugs. I keep seeing posts from this girl who is withdrawing from 60mg of cymbalta that she apparently has been taking for 4 years. On twitter & every other social she has she's acting like she's suffering through extreme withdrawal. I just want to know if this is an exaggeration especially when she took such a low dose. She's been bitching for weeks and I'm skeptical

Okay so the thing with a dose like 60 mg being taken for even a few months, your body will eventually start to gain a tolerance to it. Thats why when doctors start you on a psych med they typically start at a dose that is barely even noticeable like 5mg and they increase it every couple weeks or so.

So if you've been taking 60mg for 4 YEARS your tolerance is so high its basically like taking nothing. Seriously. I've taken cymbalta myself for depression as a teenager and it didn't really do anything for me. As for side affects, I only really remember feeling more irritable and i had nightmares for a few days. But i didn't feel anything that truly bothered me. Everyone is different, but my dose was 120mg and I was on it for about a year.

If you experience any withdrawal from cymbalta the longest it last could be a month or maybe longer. and it would only last that long if you were on a high dose. 60 mg is not a strong enough dose for you to be feeling withdrawal symptoms for more than 2 weeks. and thats REALLY stretching it. i think with a dose that low you might feel weird for about a week or maybe a week and a half. but any time after 14 days your side affects would either be gone or less noticeable. if this person is still complaining like they are in agony then in my opinion they are definitely exaggerating.

also, a drug like cymbalta is not a controlled substance. you cannot get high from it. and not every person who takes it experiences withdrawal symptoms. i was on it for a year and i stopped taking it 1 day abruptly and it didn't make much of a difference other than the irritation and nightmares.

if i had to compare getting off cymbalta to severe withdrawal like heroin or suboxone, i'd say there is absolutely NO comparison. withdrawal from drugs like that is absolute hell to suffer through.

most psych meds, unless they are benzo's (like xanax, etc) or painkillers, don't really have any serious withdrawal symptoms. especially if your dose is 60mg or less.

if this person is still complaining in another week from now i would strongly believe they are full of shit if they aren't full of shit already.

i'm not a doctor, but i've had personal experiences with this substance and other substances that produce severe withdrawal, and i know a lot about psychiatric medication from being a healthcare worker and from being an addict.

every person is different, but severe withdrawal at a low dose of cymbalta that your body has become tolerant to for 2+ years, after stopping the medication for 2 weeks is EXTREMELY unlikely, even if you stop it abruptly.

#ask

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kawaiianimekitten · 2 years ago

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Obey me x reader

He scares you/ accidentally-ish makes you fear him

Lucifer pt. 2

Warnings: hurt/comfort, slight angst?, not proofread, cussing, mention of drinking and drunk character

Part 1 here

_________________________________________

(first person - MC/reader)

It's been a few weeks since my interaction with Lucifer. I've been avoiding him with the plague. I don't want to face him, and his pride would never allow him to approach me first.

Maybe I should approach him first. What if we never talk again? What am I going to do? Being here will be so awkward. How am I supposed to avoid him for a lot longer? What-

"Hey. Stop overthinking." Mammon interrupts my thoughts. "I can see it on yer face. It ain't yer fault. It's my bastard of a brother's fault. So tell yer brain to shuddup."

I nod, feeling a little embarrassed that the brothers tend to be good at telling what I'm thinking.

I lean closer to Mammon. Currently Mammon, Belphie and I are the only ones here, so we're all in my room, watching a show. I'm leaning on Mammon while Belphie is laying on my lap.

"Mmm, Lucifer sucks, don't let him get to you." Belphie grumbles, barely awake. He cuddles closer to you. "If you want, I could be an extra big pain to him for you?"

"No, it's ok Belphie." You reply, running your hands through his hair. He hums before falling back asleep.

We've watched a whole season now and I'm starting to doze off. I'm almost asleep. It's just so comforta-

Bam

I shoot up, immediately awake. Which makes Belphie grumble. I gently move him off my lap and me and Mammon go to check out the noise. I peek my head out the door and stare dumbfounded.

"M-Mc-" Lucifer slurs, obviously drunk. "I-I needa say sommm..." He mumbles off. Seems he had just taken a big fall, causing the sound that woke me.

Mammon glares at him, standing in front of me protectivly. "The Fuck ya want with MC?"

Now it's Lucifer's turn to glare at Mammon. "Watch your *hic* language."

The tension is so thick. I step in between them, breaking their glares. "Well, since it seems no one's hurt and there's no emergency, I guess we can go back now, Mams."

"Wait!" Lucifer grabs my arm, turning me around. He's pouting. Meaning he's hella drunk. "Wanna Wanna *hic* wanna talk..."

I sigh, knowing he won't be able to get back to his room without help and knowing he won't leave without talking to me. "Mams, could you and Belphie get everything ready for us to sleep while I take Mr Drunk Off His Ass here to his room and get him all situated?"

He looks very against it but agrees, also knowing Lucifer won't leave without speaking to me and can't get to his room.

I wrap one of Lucifer's arms around me and wrap my arm around his waist. "C'mon, I'll take you to your room." I say as I start walking.

The walk there is silent, except for some hickups and slurred mumbling from Lucifer.

I set him on his bed and go to grab a trashcan, but get stopped by a hand holding my wrist once again.

"What is it Luc- ah!" I get pulled to Lucifer, probably with more force than he intended. He easily catches me, even in his drunken state, and sits me on his lap with his arms around my torso.

"M-MC, I *hic* needa tell you..." He looks everywhere but you. "I..."

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "I shouldn't have done that to you... I know you were only trying to *hic* trying to help like now..."

"Yup." I agree coldly, still upset about what he did. "Now, could you let me go so I can grab you water, a light snack and a trashcan?"

He looks uncharacteristically like a kicked puppy, but let's me go. I feel a little bad, but I have to get him situated before listening to his drunk ass.

After making him sip some water, eat some food, splash a bit of water on his face, grabbing him a trashcan and some meds, I think I got everything he needs for now. He's definitely not sober, but also definitely not as drunk as he was before.

"MC... Please..." He speaks so quietly I almost don't hear him.

"hm?" He gently grabs my hand and motions for me to sit down.

After sitting next to him he turns to me, taking another deep breath.

"I .. I'm... Fuck MC..." He seems to think for a moment before just blurting out. "I'm sorry!"

I blink, surprised. He doesn't usually say sorry and when he does, he doesn't say it as sincerely as he just did.

"Look... I know my actions were inexcusable, so I won't try to make excuses... I just hope you'll forgive me... I can't stand not having you here with me every day. I hate you avoiding me, and I've missed your gorgeous/handsome voice so much. I just beg of you to not avoid me anymore... And I hope to earn enough of your forgiveness for us to go back to normal, of as close to normal as possible." He gives my hands a gentle squeeze before reluctantly letting go.

I just sit there processing what he said for a few moments. Once everything goes through, though, I immediately hug him tightly, which he quickly, yet hesitantly returns.

"I don't think I can forgive you much at the moment... But I do appreciate your apology... And I'm willing to give you another chance." I feel him exhale before feeling tears drop on my head.

Alarmed, I try to look up at him, but he holds my head close to him. "Thank you... I'll do my best to earn your trust and forgiveness."

It's been a month since that interaction, and I've fully forgiven him. I do sometimes still flinch, but besides that, I'm back to normal. Something that hasn't gone back to normal and that I hope never goes back to normal, is the time, attention and affection I get from Lucifer.

Since that night, he's kept his word and then some. He has really done his best to earn my trust and forgiveness. He's also been making sure to make more time for me, even with his busy work. He's also been more affectionate. Sometimes when we're alone in his room, he'll take his gloves off and hold my hand with one and relaxingly run his fingers across any showing skin. It feels really nice.

"Sweetie, I have something for you." I turn to see my demon dressed casually while holding flowers and chocolate.

"Thanks Luci." I smile and take the gifts.

"I was hoping maybe you'd like to watch a movie in my room later? You can pick the movie and I'll have your favorite snacks, the fluffy blanket and the stuffed animal you like." He's smiling softly while listing off the perfect movie date night.

"hmm... Let me think..." I say to tease him for a moment before I softly kiss him on the lips. "Of course. I'd love to."

_________________________________________

I hope you all enjoyed reading this ❤️

@zarakem

@snoww-drop

#anime #x reader #lucifer x mc #x mc #omswd lucifer #obey me lucifer #lucifer x reader #lucifer #lucifer morningstar #obey me #hurt/comfort #part 2 #obey me x reader #obey me boys

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violet-rose-95 · 4 months ago

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Anything Helps: Phone Bill, Meds, Bus Pass ($120, at least $50 due Oct 2nd)

I hate that I have to keep doing this. I don't wanna keep doing this. I wanna have my own income.

But I'm gonna be blunt and simple. The job hunt has not been successful. The movie theater turned me down. The two shops across the street turned me down. The grocery store turned me down. I have no income, and not from lack of trying. I have been trying, but no one's hiring. And I still need to pay my $50 phone bill.

But now I have more expenses I need to take care of. I had a meeting with a neuropsychiatrist, and he set me up with two prescriptions, one for ADHD and one for anxiety and depression. They're both about 20 bucks each, one's $21.53 and the other's a flat $20 but I'm almost positive tax will bring that up. I've got a sampler of the ADHD meds and I'm trying that out right now, but they'll only hold my fluoxetine for two weeks.

And on top of that, I'm running REALLY low on funds for my bus pass. I'm usually able to stretch it quite a bit, cuz I've been able to make $30 work for two whole months, but I'm down to my last couple dollars. Each trip is $2 ($1 on the trip there, $1 on the return trip) and I'm down to my last 8 or so dollars.

So, all together, that ends up being about $120: 50 for the phone bill, 30 for the bus pass, 40 and some change for the medication. ...there's also another 10 that I need to keep my email inbox open, but I won't hold out hope for that one.

Anything helps, I hate that I keep doing this...

Crazy to think it's been a year since I started asking for donations to help me get out of this house, and now... now I'm just asking to help pay my bills and I'm nowhere closer to getting out of this hell I'm living in.

#ko fi support #buy me a kofi #crowdfunding #ko fi #ko fi link #kofi #anything helps #mutual aid

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undeadorion · 1 month ago

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I've been on T for nearly a decade. And still I'm mad about the delivery method.

Patients should not be expected to *draw their own meds* when other options are available. Patients should not eve expected to do their own intramuscular injections. It's so dangerous.

T can be done subcutaneously with even better effect than IM. Unlike other hormones, it doesn't get trapped in fat. Source: I've been doing it the whole time and I have so much hair on my face no one believes I'm trans. Also several medical studies I read before switching that are lost to the sands of time because that was nearly a decade ago.

But there are all manner of pre-filled injectors you can use. Insulin comes in pre-filled syringes that you just jab and inject yourself. My diabetes medication comes in a whole pen where just have to hit a button and it's done for me.

With T I need a syringe and 2 needles. I have to use one needled to draw the medication, make sure it's the exact right dosage, swap to the injection needle, then do the injection. I've dropped so many needles. The dosage is never quite right. There's a ton of waste because I get 1mL vials but because T is a thick oil, you only get a bit more than .5mL out of each one. And because T is a controlled substance, you're not supposed to just throw it in the trash. So it looks like you're stock piling because you forget to take them when you go somewhere that has medication disposal.

Then there's just GETTING the needles. The only issue with my current pharmacy is sometimes they're out of a specific size. Chances of that are doubled because I need 2 different ones. But at other pharmacies they require a prescription for the exact size and length of the needle. If your Rx is for an 18G 1in needle, but they only have either a 21G 1in or a 18G 1.5in they won't give you those. You have to go back to your doctor to have them change the Rx to the exact size the pharmacy has in stock. So depending on the configuration you're not managing 1 Rx, you're juggling 3 or 4. it's fine when they're all in sync but one week one of them gets delayed, then another one. So now your needles, syringes, and medication are scattered through out the month.

Just give me a prefilled syringe goddamn it.

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heartshattering · 5 months ago

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No but seriously how do I start to put myself back together again?

It's so difficult for me to even think of where to begin

I've heard the most basic thing you need to fix is sleep but that's the #1 most difficult thing for me. I wish I could sleep naturally again but ever since those 2 weeks without my refill, I've been needing my sleep med more than I did before when just last month I was doing fine on a very low reduced dose and didn't need it every night.

My eating has been bad, idk how to explain it exactly? But I've been getting more cravings for the foods that I know are going to make me sick later. Like most of what I want to eat now are foods I'm really not supposed to be eating because of IBS but I do it anyway and make myself sick all night long. I'm going to end up destroying my digestive system, if the shitty food doesn't do it then most likely it'll be from taking NSAID meds when I'm not supposed to and just all the other stupid shit I keep doing to myself.

I hate the way my body looks now, but I really don't want to go back to being underweight after all the work it took for me to get better. But I feel like I'm going to slip back into my old patterns thanks to stress and feeling the need for control when I feel so helpless right now.

I really don't have a support system because neither one of my parents can really help... like my dad just doesn't get it, and my mom is the sickest person in the house so she deserves all the attention. Everyone in my family is either dead, mentally ill, or physically ill.

I found out my so called best friend was using me this whole time and her true colors only started to show once she got her bf.

I never accomplish as much as I want. I'm sick and frustrated all the time.

Yeah, I have started to slowly leave the house more, but I'm still like 95% just a shut-in. I feel like I'm lying to the people I meet because I bet they wouldn't think someone who seems as "sweet" and "friendly" as I try to be has done things like s-h, been on so many meds, hurt myself, has a false DUI charge, had a nurse tell me my only future is to either end up dead or in jail, hates my fake friends and have a lot anger towards people in general, overuses caffeine even though i have a heart condition, have all these past traumas because of S-A, death, abuse, and other shit that never got resolved because they're "too much" for medical professionals to handle. God I just hate myself and it's getting harder and harder to live like this, I'm really slipping and spiraling and there's nothing I can fucking do about it except pray that I can sleep.

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dsnzfb · 10 months ago

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List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals and followers (ू•‧̫•ू⑅)♡ No pressure though!

🥹 omg youuu

1. My ocs!! They hold a permanent and deep place in my heart and brain and I love thinking about and talking about them w people 💖

2. Whatever the hell I'm hyperfixated on at the moment. It's an indie game with a small fanbase right now so I can't say it here or I might be found 💖 but previous hyperfixations give me joy still too! Sonic Adventure 2 (actually the entire sonic franchise), Final Fantasy IV, Megaman, Gundam, Puyo Puyo, Hollow Knight, all of it. I find such joy in stuff like that, it makes me happy.

3. Good food! My appetite isn't quite back yet to how it should be, but when I'm back to my usual fatso shenanigans you KNOW I'm gonna have me some sushi, burgers, yakisoba, anything comforting and warm. I love food!! I love enjoying food! I love sharing food!

4. Creation. I love drawing and writing stuff. I don't do it as much as I'd like to, but you can only do what you're able to, right? Don't be hard on yourself and burn yourself out, take things at your own pace. I'm just recovering from my animation burnout, so the joy in creating things is relatively new after the past 2 years have been create create create for 9 hours a day, 5 days a week. There's only so much you can continue to come up with when your animatics leave a LOT to be desired, usually being like, one picture per scene and little-to-no character direction. And the AMOUNT of full shots with 6 characters that last AAAAGES... Girliepops, zoom into the heads more, please... Anyway, I'm complaining now. I'm happy that the show's over so I'm making things for me! Maybe I'll actually do some animation for myself in the future.

5. Spending time with my friends! This sounds SOOOOO fuckin cheesy, but I've been spending a lot more time with my buddies recently. We don't even end up doing anything, we just chat, eat, show each other memes, and watch silly stuff on YouTube together. Even friends on discord are bringing me joy recently! I appreciate whenever anyone chooses to talk to me 🥹 my mental health has been rocky for a long time, but new meds and new friends are helping a whole lot.

#SORRY FOR THE RAMBLE #I had a bath and i feel quite a bit better rn even though i was feeling absolutely horrible this mornin #nobody wants to wake up at 6am on a sunday absolutely drenched in sweat and mumbling weird stuff about dreams you dont remember

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solacescastleglow · 24 days ago

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How I Levelled Up My Life with ME/CFS: A Hyperspecific Guide for Absolutely No-one

***DISCLAIMER*** This won't work for many people. In no way am I saying to do what I did and all your problems will be solved. If anything, this is a message to ablebodied people that people with chronic illnesses have to work so much harder to get to the point that they get to start from.

I have deliberately kept quiet about my illnesses on this blog; it just seems 'un-aesthetic'. But then I realised how much my self improvement has been impacted by my illnesses, and how so much of my levelling up seems small and basic if you don't know about my health history. So, here it is. I have h-EDS (and everything that comes with it) and ME/CFS, and this is how I went from a 1-2 to a 5-6 on this quality of life scale by the American Chronic Pain Association.

Medication

Wait for the miracle drug and take it

For me, it was Dr. Marco Leitzke's Nicotine Test. I started using nicotine patches in February of 2024, 10 years after my disease onset, with immediate positive effects. This singlehandedly took me from housebound, in bed for 18 hours a day and crashing if I took a shower more than twice a week, to being able to cook, exercise lightly, and leave the house all in one day without major consequences. I cannot emphasise enough how much of a game changer this was for me. It doesn't work on everyone, but for some people it does, and I was lucky to be one of those people.

Get your mental health in check

I am on a combination of sertraline and aripiprazole for my OCD and mood disorder. This has made the mental load of existing much lighter, giving me more ability to think about things in a healthy way.

Movement

Moving countries/back in with my parents

While the majority of this section is about physical movement, I wanted to take a second and say that moving into a place where I have support from my parents, and also a 15 minute neighbourhood with lots of stuff going on and people being supportive and accepting, has changed a lot about me. For the better.

Somatic healing

I have a lot of trauma, from illness and other things, and all that trauma was making me sicker. Talk therapy helped me immensely, and now I'm working on somatic healing techniques to release more of that. Every thing I manage to let go of, the better my health gets. And that's not even an affirmation, that's a genuine fact.

Exercise

I know, I know. Every chronically ill person has been told to try yoga. I didn't do it for the longest time, but after getting my meds sorted out, I could finally try it without devastating consequences. And, unfortunately for my stubborn self, it worked. My theory is that yoga does help, but only if you have the capacity to do it. I've now moved on to weight training, pilates, and calisthenics, and I can rock climb and play badminton again. It's truly a beautiful thing to be able to move your body with joy.

The mental load of being a wheelchair user

It gets exhausting always being on, always supporting my core, always needing to check to make sure I'm not about to roll off a curb or bump into things. To add to that, my neighbourhood isn't the most accessible. Eventually, I got to a point strength-wise where using platform crutches took up less energy than a wheelchair. Now, I reserve my chair for longer trips I know I wouldn't make standing up.

Mindset

Playing catch up

Because my recovery was so quick, my brain still hasn't really caught up to the fact that I can do things. A lot of what I'm focussing on at the moment is based on allowing myself to leave the house, and getting into self care routines that are more in line with an ablebodied person's. There was a level of dirt that I just accepted in my life and on my body, because I knew I didn't have the energy to do anything about it. Now, I'm changing my standards, which is hard.

Self concept

The thing with self concept work is that you need proof. Proof that it's working, proof that you're not just lying to yourself. And to get that you need wins, no matter how small. Before I started nicotine patches, there was no way to do it, because any 'wins' were followed by debilitating illness. But now that I have that proof, I'm getting so much stronger, and I'm starting to identify less as 'chronically ill' and more as 'recovering from chronic illness'. I will always be disabled, but I now view myself as someone other than the sick kid, which I was stuck in for a long time.

Just start

Last year, I decided to just start complimenting strangers on the street. It was something I'd always been too scared to do, but I did it anyway, and even though it was just as scary as I thought it would be, I did it again. And again. And now I've made a friend (my only friend in almost 7 years) because of it! It's really scary, but sometimes you just have to get over the fear and do it anyway.

Whole foods and eating

I have no idea if the reverse is true, but my diet improved drastically because my health did. There was nothing morally wrong with the way I was eating before, but I eat more consistently and with more fresh ingredients now, which has made my stomach feel less heavy and greasy. If you want advice: get a pressure cooker, an air fryer, and the book Crip Up the Kitchen. In addition I'd suggest a food chopper of some kind, or living with someone who's willing to do the chopping.

Medical transition

With all of this, I've hit a ceiling in how much better my life can get. I'm genuinely over the moon to be at the point where the main thing holding me back is dysphoria, and I now live in a place where that can be treated. This is the next thing on my list, and I'm so excited!

#self improvement #that girl #it girl #becoming her #glow up #level up #me/cfs #op

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sp-ud · 29 days ago

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Genloss is a tragedy. No not the actual content, but how hard it fucking fell off.

Now, I know there are still people who enjoy it, even enjoy the new things and are excited with each new release of the founders game chapters.

And if you are one of those people, good for you. Genuinely, good for you. Don't let me being a hater ruin your own enjoyment. So I'd recommend maybe not reading this post cuz im not gonna be sympathetic to genloss or ranboo. If you couldn't guess by my opening sentence.

Anyways, I don't know it's just. Sad. To see something that had so much potential just fall flat so quickly. In retrospect as soon as the founders cut took more than 3 months it should have been obvious the whole project was kinda fucked.

And tbh I do not care about any thing like "ranboos just one guy", "it's their first project", "their adhd medication wasn't being properly supplied" etc etc. Like 1) ranboo literally isn't the only guy credited as editing the founders cut in the version that did end up releasing. 2) okay, same with like. 99% of other indie horror things. And those guys usually don't start out with enough money to rent out malls and buy expensive props that can only be used for one thing. 3) we loop back to the team thing. I'm someone who genuinely can barely function on days I don't take my adhd meds btw

Back on topic instead of countering arguments I've seen before but haven't actually been brought up to me.

It's just, there's this lack of cohesion and planning in what we've gotten since TSE that is just. So strange. I would say it comes from ranboos perfectionism but everything that keeps coming out is half-baked shit that sure seems unfinished.

Like, the founders cut was so fucking unpolished which is insane for something that took over a year. And we can't try to make it an in-universe thing, be for fucking real. Ranboo wasn't thinking like that.

And ngl when ranboo was reacting to that fnaf timeline video and like, praised "community storytelling" (aka when u throw a bunch of shit out, seen fans theorizing and go "oh wait ahit that's smart, yeah that's what I meant haha") it just. Made me feel so defeated cuz that kind of storytelling isn't fucking good.

It works well enough for fnaf but that's cuz it's fnaf. Look at how little attention generation loss gets outside of its initial and constantly shrinking bubble.

Admittedly it was gonna always be hard to follow tse, those kinds of productions are pricy. No shit. But the next steps being:

1: Twitter acc that kept going on hiatus because ranboo hadn't even fully planned it out before ranboo just decided to scrap the Twitter acc and just vaguely promise zero will return somewhere else

2: a slapped together cut of tse that completely fails at being a quicker introduction to the series compared to watching the original streams that clearly doesn't understand any of the elements that made tse charming and enjoyable even if cringeworthy at times

3: a second person pov book disguised as a choose your own adventure where not a single choice has actually mattered, not even the ones that were voted on and had to wait a whole week to find out what happened next.

Is just kinda insane to me. Like idk how u fumbled it that hard.

Yall remember how ranboo gave us a generation 2 Spotify playlist? Oh or what about "generation 0: the story of lostfield" which they showed off the title card for at twitchcon and vidcon? Where the fuck is any news even about those. I'd at least like some clarification about if the founders game is tied to literally either of those.

Getting off track here but tbh this is just me collecting all my annoyed/frustrated generation loss thoughts into one post.

But it's just like. Idk it's just weird that it took over a year after Tse for ranboo to get enough of a team to keep them on track and producing things consistently. And then for that thing to be. Literally none of the things we were expecting.

And now that we're 7 weeks in, technically 8 if we're counting the skipped week. 9 if we include the week we waited for after inputting the password. I'm just tired man. I'm tired of waiting for genloss to be good. Of trying to trust the process.

"Letting ranboo cook" only for Tse to finally be what we got did work, but it just. Really doesn't feel like ranboo gets why tse worked for so many people. And no, it wasn't just the inclusion of other popular ccs although that did certainly help if we r being blunt.

Tse had a story that left you guessing what was intentional and what wasn't. Only for the final reveal to be that it all was intentional, it was us the audience that was being experimented on, being tested. And that was cool as shit!

But, nothing has been able to get even close to that yet. This newest chapter of tfg's did briefly give me an "oh shit" moment at the start. But then the chapter just. Went no where. It was empty. And now we have to wait another week for the payoff. Another week on top of 7/8/9 weeks.

And listen, I get good stuff takes time. I get that many other indie horror things go months without updating. But like. There's just nothing aside from a small sense of obligation and vague interest to see if it's finally interesting or if I'll just have something to complain about with my friends that keeps me coming back.

It's not engaging, it's not something I'm really all that invested in. I keep fucking forgetting every week that a new chapter is coming out cuz there's just nothing to be excited for.

Im not even excited that we will be talking to the founder or whatever in the next chapter which is crazy cuz I feel like I used to be pretty invested in the founder specifically. Like I was the guy who constantly brought up the merch site's about page that was a message from the founder when no one else did.

Anyways that kinda wraps up my frustrated thoughts on genloss at this current point in time. Sorry it might be hard to follow.

Also, if ur someone who genuinely has still been enjoying genloss and/or the founders game who actually did read through all of this, I'd be genuinely interested in hearing ur opinions. I mean, you read through all of mine so its only fair. And also I just. Genuinely want to know what other people r finding fun abt the recent things as pretty much everyone in my direct sphere has roughly the same opinions as me.

#spud rambles #im not maintagging this and if u see this in the main tags. sorry. blame tumblr

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motionpicturedemise · 1 year ago

Text

myth's game writeup of 2023

i waited until the new year to finish this in case i managed to beat a game during december. i did not. ANYWAY.

this will contain new games as well as games i only got around to in 2023. light on spoilers but be warned

Octopath Traveler II (2023)

as far as i remember, this was the first new game I played this year, and god did it deliver. I've been a fan of octopath since the first one came out on switch in 2018, counting it as my favorite game of all time, so to have a sequel after all this time was thrilling. it did almost everything octopath 1 did and better. new path actions, day/night system, branching stories, fucking boats?? incredible.

my biggest gripe has to be the new hidden classes. I started with throne so getting inventor 10 minutes after my chapter one did definitely fuck up the progression a little bit. I think I preferred ot1 hidden classes. while the dungeons were underwhelming, the boss battles really make you fight for these secret techniques, something absent in 3 out of the 4 hidden classes of octopath 2.

overall: 4/5 BP.

Xenoblade Chronicles 3: Future Redeemed (2023)

xenoblade 3 as the end of the klaus trilogy really didn't sit well with me, for reasons that don't belong on my review of its dlc, but future redeemed fixed nearly every problem i had with base xc3 — both story and gameplay wise. it ties every xenoblade game and even some of gears and saga into a neat little 40 hour bow, and is truly a love letter to the entire series. I can only think of one problem I still have with it. the fucking menu music.

where do i even fucking start with this one really. relatively speaking, I'm a new xenoblade fan, having started xc1 in march 2022 during a harrowing experience with adhd meds, and since then it had kinda consumed me. I finished it in about a week, went on to watch xenoblade 2 because I had heard the gameplay wasn't great, and got my hands on xenoblade 3 day of release.

overall: 5 dance apples.

Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom (2023)

as someone who was not immune to the hype surrounding botw, I had high hopes for the sequel. hopes that were painfully, slowly, fed into a trash compactor over my playthrough. this is another game I got on release day, lining up outside gamestop in the heat, and lets not forget that it's the only first-party switch game with a price tag of seventy bucks.

the game plays like a tech demo. I have a lot of love in my heart for it. the story was better that botw, the world was more expansive than botw, but the problem here is that everything it does is directly compared to breath of the wild. it doesn't get enough time to shine, because we're in the exact same world as 6 years ago, but instead of pinkish black malice we have blackish pink gloom. i much prefer the runes to the zonai abilities, and the sense of wonder that permeated breath of the wild is replaced by a sense of nostalgia that just doesn't appeal to me much.

all of this isn't to say it's a bad game. I think it's a great game, honestly, but a great game that wasn't meant for me. I've seen the insane shit people do with ultrahand, but it just... isn't my style.

overall: 441/1000 korok seeds

Pikmin 4 (2023)

it's pikmin. i dont have much to say about it. it was a lot of fun, loved that part where i bulborbed all over those guys. im not a gameplay reviewer, at heart i mostly talk about story, and a game like pikmin doesn't have much for me to comment on. good fun. lived up to expectations. probably wouldn't replay.

overall: 7500 sparklium

Final Fantasy XIV: Stormblood (2017)

oh, stormblood... the rage you still fill my veins with. I'm not going to spend too long on this one because I have better things to do with my life than shit on an expansion everyone already hates, but let me make it clear I actually do have reasons for disliking it.

having ala mhigo built up since the very start of a realm reborn, only to have half of the ala mhigo expansion take place halfway across the star, was very disappointing. the monotony of the three areas in gyr abania compared to the three far east areas was very disappointing. the treatment of the people of the steppe and honestly that entire segment in the main story quest was very disappointing. hien, as a character, in his entirety, was very disappointing.

I will say it had strong parts. the 61-70 quests for several jobs were the strongest in their entire story (see: dark knight). the dungeons started to get more interesting. it gave us the quest Child Labor, which is hilarious and I'll never be finishing it because I want it there forever.

overall: 1/3 WHM Lillies.

Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers (2019)

ffxiv immediately got better the second 4.0 was over. even the patch quests instantly shot up in quality. it's not even funny. the lead up to shadowbringers was the most fun I had had with the game since a realm reborn, and all of the first was heartbreaking to go through even though I was spoiled on That Character's Identity.

the duty trust system (is that what it was called?) made dungeons much more fun. getting to go through hell with alphinaud alisaie and thancred made everything 10x better, even if it was a lot slower. the story, again, heartbreaking — ryne's arc in particular felt like being stabbed by thousands of little needles while trying to play. in the best way, of course. and amaurot... amaurot. getting to quote our favorite knight in there was my 8th umbral calamity.

shadowbringers also marks when a lot of your job's functionality is really unlocked, so doing the level 80 raid series was genuinely a ton of fun. and again the thousands of little needles. i cried at least 7 times during the main story.

overall: 85/100 kenki gauge.

Katana Zero (2019)

possibly my favorite game this year. the protagonist, zero (or as i like to call him, katana from zero,) ticked all the boxes for a character I'd be absolutely obsessed with. true enough, i fell in love. the fast-paced gameplay, the diegesis of gameplay elements which would typically go unquestioned, and the care that seeps through every dialogue choice all solidify katana zero as one of my favorite game experiences ever. I'll leave it at this, because I encourage everyone to at least give it a try.

overall: Yes, that should work.

Fire Emblem Engage (2023)

this is one of the few 2023 releases on this list that I didn't get on launch, because at the time I had relatively little interest in fire emblem as a series. then I made a lot of friends who enjoy it, and in october, bestie sen decided to buy it for me as an early birthday present. everyone say thank you sen.

considering this is my first fire emblem game, i have absolutely no deeper insight into how it matches up compared to the others, and plenty of people more eloquent than me have already talked about that. what I do know is that the gameplay was surprisingly fun as my first tactical rpg, and the story was passable. all the characters were appealing in one way or another, and I'm still mad I had to choose between marrying kagetsu or fogado. they're both my husbands at heart.

overall: I didn't internalize enough of this game to come up with a clever rating.

Fire Emblem Engage: Fell Xenologue (2023)

I was expecting the dlc to continue the main story, so I put it off until I had finished the base game. in hindsight, I regret it, because I'd love to have brought the winds and twins with me to fight their evil versions and alternate universe dad. the story was... alright. I really liked all the small battle interactions between fell characters and our party members which they would've known. I instantly recognized fogado in chapter 1 because I am in love with him by the way.

overall: i dont know. 1¾ dragonstones

with 2024 upon us, I'll probably be writing reviews for games as I play them. I'm trying to use tumblr more as a social platform instead of just reblogging. we'll see how that plays out. if you like any of these games (yes, even tears of the kingdom) please talk to me about them! that's all for now. look out for my mangled thoughts on SANABI and Nier: Automata next :)

#op #long #octopath traveler 2 #tears of the kingdom #xenoblade chronicles 3 #future redeemed #pikmin 4 #ffxiv #stormblood #shadowbringers #katana zero #fire emblem engage #fell xenologue

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