#and i've learned to be kinder to myself a little more i think. sorry for those who had to witness my 2k21 metnol breakdown era though :x

[ask-cueball]

Hey...been a while, hasn't it?

So this comic has been at a standstill for a while now. I'd like to have a talk about that, and about how we'll be going forward from here, and I need to ask your opinion on something as well. There's a poll under the cut but I'd appreciate if you could read the rest of my ramble before voting.

So, uh...prepare for a word wall, heh. Sorry.

This year has been slow for Ask Cueball for several reasons. First, Arc 1 ended, and there was a long break because of that. Then physical injuries made me unable to draw for a long time. But neither of those really apply anymore. I've healed from my injury (and learning to help what didn't heal) and if you follow my main art blog you'd know that I've been drawing again for a while.

So I've been thinking lately about why it's been so hard for me to work on Ask Cueball, and I think it comes down to two things - one part of it has to do with my art and how it's grown and changed, and the other is my interests and how THOSE have grown and changed.

I do like Ask Cueball's art style, I like how simple and clean and consistent and expressive it is. I think Ask Cueball is really what helped me start to develop my own personal style. But at the same time...at this point, my style has evolved beyond it. Ask Cueball was drawn with a mouse on an old broken laptop. Since then, everything has updated and changed. It feels counterproductive to go back to my old methods of art, like I'm limiting myself, going backwards.

And then when it comes to interests...once again if you follow my art blog, you've probably noticed I haven't drawn anything Sonic or shapebot related in a long time. Things change, I've discovered new things, found myself in fandoms that are...honestly WAY kinder and chiller than the Sonic fandom (because let's be honest, even in our little corner of shapebot hell with a population of like 20 people there's still been some drama).

But, all that said...I still love this place. I love the story, the characters, all of it. I love my fans, especially those who have stuck around even throughout this slow, uneventful year. I love this comic. Which is why I'm refusing to end it here. I want to keep Ask Cueball going, and I've set a hard deadline for myself to release a comic post in November. After that, well...this is where I need your help.

My thought was that maybe it might be quicker for me to update Ask Cueball if I did it in sketches? But I don't want to lower the visual quality...and then that last legitimate option, the one with the comic being cancelled? I will only do that one if it gets above 90% approval. I don't want to end the comic like that, I want to see it through to completion, but if this is what we think we need to do then we will do it.

So basically, this poll is asking what's more important to you, the speed or the quality:

The first option will likely be slowest, but the comic won't lose ANY of it's quality or polish. This is what I'd like to do but I worry about how long it may be between posts.

The second option should be a little quicker, but the comic will be worse, sloppier with little-to-no color, and will no longer have its clean quality.

The third option (again, only happens if it gets above 90%) will be the quickest, as I will just tell you the remaining story over probably 1-3 posts, with little to no art at all, and then it will be done. The comic is over.

Regardless of what wins, the next post will be coming out in November, and it will be in the old style, as it is partially complete and I don't want to switch styles mid-post. I do not guarantee returning to our old weekly posting schedule, REGARDLESS of which option wins the vote.

I felt guilty that I missed the 3rd Anniversary in September, but I also felt like I hadn't done enough this year to really celebrate the 3rd year as though the blog was still going as strong as it had before. I hope that going forward, we won't have to miss the 4th too.

TL;DR - Ask Cueball hasn't been active much this year for several reasons, but it will be coming back.

[yoiku]

Looks like I really have my pondering cap on today so i'm just gonna ramble some more

Since i got diagnosed with AuDHD a few years back, it's been really interesting thinking back on so many different things and having a new angle to examine it all from. There's been stuff that i could even say has felt cathartic in the sense of being able to be kinder to myself about some things after over 30 years of causing myself needless suffering. But also a lot of stuff that I have realised I really need to improve on and either haven't understood or even noticed before. Now that I'm learning about the toolset I've been setup with and have a better understanding of how to operate, maybe the improvement is finally possible. I've always really struggled with asking for help mostly because I was raised to be independent through both useful(actual skills) and harmful(mindset&left on my own way too much) means. The whole "don't ask other people to solve your problems/don't bother people with something that doesn't involve them" mantra i got repeated at as a kid, over time evolved into feeling really proud of being so independent. Nothing wrong with that in itself I think, but at some point it starts to be harmful. It can make you become distant while it feels more like selflessness, esp when you're always ready to offer help but never accept any. And somewhere in the back of your mind there's a bit of that "I'm better because I don't need to ask for help" -attitude brewing as well. All the while I could've seriously used some help on a good variety of things. But no, I felt like I had to figure it out on my own even if it was something that you actually need at least another pair of hands for. Now it feels a bit easier because I feel like I can start with "hey i kinda struggle with these things in general so I could use some assistance" or just straight up say that "uhhh sorry but i didn't understand that" instead of pretending that I did out of shame for not knowing everything i'm ever talked to about. Still difficult things to shake off often because its what i've done most of my life. I also still really struggle with being helped/instructed when I've not asked for any of it, I can get really annoyed really fast with that. I feel like I need to fucking go for a full meditation mode for a while to remind myself time and time again that people are usually just trying to be genuinely helpful because they want to. Funny how I remember that while i'm doing the same myself, but when it's being aimed at me, suddenly it's all upside down, huh. Stuff like this I've really started to see way better after i got diagnosed. Knowing that the wrinkly blob residing in my bone-dome is actually wired differently really allowed me to have a new perspective on stuff. It isn't a free ticket to be an ass or ignorant etc. But if you don't know how it can effect you, it's not surprising if you struggle so much more in so many ways and end up needlessly suffering. So when you become(sometimes painfully) aware of these things you understand your own and sometimes the behaviours of others better. Doesn't happen overnight for sure though. (The depression I've had accumulating since my teens definitely has had a negative effect on a lot of these things too making everything even more difficult.) Then there are the fun little things that suddenly start to make a lot more sense, like being told all of these things repeatedly: - You always seem disinterested in everything/ you're not at all excitable - You sound bored / monotone - You're always pouting / you always look uninviting / you should try smiling sometime ^u^ - You're so quiet / you never seem to have anything to say - You daydream/ space out too much - Stop bouncing your leg, tapping things, fiddling, biting/chewing things - Stop making weird noises - You do [thing] in such overly complicated/weird way - You forget so much stuff but remember the weirdest details about anything

Forever annoyed about people telling me how I look the way I do though, because bitch that's literally just how my face is. The corners of my mouth have never really curved upwards so matter how big of a smile i'm pulling. My neutral face really just looks like :( and when i'm smiling it's more like :I Maybe try looking for the smile in my eyes sometime. And hey, getting older is making everything sag and droop even more, so i'll keep getting more and more pouty with time! I'll become the most pissed off looking fossil there ever was.

[raichana-artblog]

OC Questions tag

First, Yes i'm counting this for OCtober, My stamina isn't the best with the weather getting colder and I'de rather not hurt myself in the middle of a commission.

Second thank you @card-queen for the tag!

I don't think i've done this before but I'm going to do Ciella for now

5 words to physically describe your OC

Tall, flowery, blond, ears, scars

Who inspired your OC?

This question can be answered two ways....

Ciella finds inspiration in her adoptive dad Aloe, he helps her learn her limits with her new situation as well as teaches her about anything her curious little brain can think of. She is also inspired by one of the first people she meets after Aloe. Cece may be nearing the end but she never gives up the fight and that determination helps push her forward. Finally Adelle who is brought in to help her change her appearance and mannerism to hide from her Father inspires her more creative and rebellious side.

but like i said.. .two ways... so if the question is what inpired the creation of my OC... it's essentially taking my edgelord baby Arianna and being like... Ok what if after getting away from her father instead of being found by her assassin uncle who gives her the life skills the only way he knows how... focusing on her ability to travel through shadows.... what if a kinder man, in this case a travelling healer, found her and helped give her life skills the only way he knows how focusing on her plant magic. I also like the idea that while Arianna can use plant magic and Ciella can travel through shadows if either were to try that it would probably go VERY badly.

Give me a song to define your OC

I honestly had never thought of it but when i saw the question the first song that popped into mind was Naraku no hana, It's from the (second?) season of Higurashi and I remmeber the chorus-y bit translates to Escape, escape, from this sorrowful fate. You are not a flower of Hell. In that kind of place Don't bloom there, don't bloom there Don't let them ensnare you.

And yeah that fits her origin really well

plus the song is like... really good (imo) but I've already given myself away to be a not so secret edge lord. also the vid some fun things to make the intro fit the whole song so that's fun

If I met your OC on the street how would they greet me?

She would probably be very kind, maybe a little worried if they noticed to seem to have any discomfort. She would also do her best to keep up a wall until she got to know you and even then she would be cautious.

Can your OC be your best friend? Why?

It takes a lot time for her to trust someone enough to be friends but she would always be kind to those around her if possible....

plus i've given her a better fate (in the AU....) so like she wouldn't hate me.... entierly we just... don't talk about how i plan to fir Ciella into my canon cause yeah... she would HATE me. Hell i'm a little shocked at how cruel i've made her story... like nothing too bad but being immortal does have some pretty massive drawbacks.

1 adjective and 1 noun to describe your OC

Helpful Kindness

at least thast what she hopes... it doesn't always work out.

OK tagging!!

uh...... I always end up taggign the same folks! sorry! anyone who wants to of course and @greywaysart and @prilaja-artblog

[chromotps]

The thing about Ace/Sabo is that the ship is less about them being brothers but more like them sharing a childhood friendship? That had the potential of becoming something more in the future. Except it didn’t, for obvious reasons. And yeah not everyone’s a fan of that, but people also like the raised by wolves/son of a noble dynamic they had as children. While I agree Sabo does kind of feel like he was stuck to Ace&Luffy as an afterthought, with a piece of chewed-out gum — his existence doesn’t… I don’t know, feel out of place? I also enjoy how kinda tragic his character is, and how he carries that tragedy with him? In the form of Ace’s devil fruit (Sabo also canonically hallucinates and there was an instance where he admitted to hearing Ace’s voice, during his fight with Burgess? so yeah, not everyone’s cup of tea again but I’m a huge fan of hurt/comfort so having a character go through a psychotic depressive episode because of the insane guilt he feels? Just, yeah. Plus there’s something really poetic about him literally eating Ace’s DF and still considering it „Ace’s powers” etc) and the way I see Sabo/Lu is through Ace/Lu (and partially Ace/Sabo) anyway. Because Sabo is trying to fill out the role of an older brother/friend for Luffy that he’s well aware is impossible to fill — because nothing ever will be the same for Luffy. Nothing or no one could even come close to making it up for Ace’s loss to Luffy, and Sabo knows he’s kind of a cheap copy of that (figuratively and literally lmfao, as I know people have been calling him low-budget Ace), but still he tries to? And the fact that Luffy is technically his only remaining family (or at least someone he willingly considers family). And I kind of see it as a parallel to how Ace’s approach to Luffy changed after Sabo’s „death”? Because Sabo was the „kinder” brother, the nicer one, the smarter one, it was usually him who took Luffy’s side whenever Ace was annoyed with him? And the one who explicitly asked Ace to look after Luffy — which then was one of the direct reasons why Ace changed the way he treated Luffy, forced him to be more patient/learn to love and eventually led to Ace willingly becoming the „older brother” figure for Luffy. I’m in no way trying to convince you to like Sabo, don’t get me wrong!! I’m just trying to show an example how Ace/Sabo isn’t necessarily brotherly either (like, I don’t know, Sabo/Luffy seems to be?). And it’s just that while I’m first and foremost a huge Ace/Lu enjoyer I also think Sabo did have a significant impact on their relationship both before and after Ace’s death.

((!! sorry i took a while to reply! i made that post before work on Friday and then got slammed until just now fdghjgk)

the odd thing is, I mostly agree!! I think I had to vent bc i saw ppl (a few specific sabo fans haha) on twitter acting like luffy would feel nothing toward ace but be obsessed with sabo. and, lol, no. but what YOU said makes total sense. like, yes, Ace + Sabo definitely has a different, more involved feeling to me than Ace & Luffy. I've had some ships in the past that fit the raised by wolves/runaway noble trope... the charm of the noble feeling like "this is the only person I feel like I can really be myself around" and the wild one thinking "i like spending time with this noble—they're tougher/kinder/funnier than i gave them credit for" AND/OR "society has always rejected me, but this 'cultured' person accepting me heals that pain a little bit"—all of those things are really charming.

Maybe if we'd seen more about how ace and sabo became friends, or if there were more emphasis on sabo's acceptance being what helped ace's anger (instead of, just from how i saw things, it being mostly luffy's unconditional warmth toward ace that did it?) then I'd personally be more feral about that dynamic, haha. But it's like you said, I guess it all depends on what we each connect with. I dont find tragedy alone compelling... I'm depressed enough already as it is LMAO!! if I think too hard about how viscerally sad Sabo only remembering Ace after he'd died is, my brain just shuts down. But I've got really good friends who would EAT THAT UP. Like, yeah, it is beautifully poetic... hahaha now i'm laughing thinking about my friends who were really into Hamlet and Romeo & Juliet finding out about Sabo & Ace and being obsessed, ahaha (they're not so into One Piece tho, only jjk... at least, for now!! 😈)

it's hard to put into words, but there's something about Sabo being a revolutionary vs. ace and luffy being pirates, that kind of explains why my brain sees A+L as very very very different than A&S or L&S. But like, that's just my brain and how my heart likes to focus on characters with really codependent relationships/dreams/themes, hahaha...

[hollow-human]

I was born to be a lesson. Born to be a stepping stone. Born to be the one that prompted people to change.

I am the one that destroys everything she touches. Because I am the fire that will bleed you dry and leave you in the darkness. I will take everything you love away, I will destroy you to your very core. Because I am nothing but a lesson. A lesson of "do not ever be like this". Maybe that's why I'm here. Maybe my suffering doesn't matter, as long as people learn how to not be like me. People say I'm not a monster. That although I made mistakes, they do not hate me. They've forgiven me.

But no one would ever come back, no matter how much I love them. Because my love is destructive. Exhausting. Everything that it shouldn't be. The good in me fails to shine through and I leave the darkness show its teeth. I let anger burn brighter than my kindness ever did.

I'm disappointed. The little kid I was supposed to protect, the little kid I had to raise and keep alive is afraid of me. Little me does not know me. She does not like me. She does not want me. She is afraid. She can't believe we became the things we ran away from all my life. She can't understand what happened and to be honest, I don't either.

What happened is that I had to protect myself. And I took it so far and so deep that I forgot not everyone hates me. Not everyone is out to hurt me. Some people are. Some people will always be. That's just how they are. But I've built my walls so high that I've gone blind with fear. I can't distinguish who is good and who is bad anymore. Maybe I never could. Maybe what I have is not love, because love should not hurt. It should not leave scars.

I am the worst, most powerful lesson someone could meet. But I wish I was more than just a horrible thing to happen. I wish I was a kinder lesson. I wish I was a more beautiful lesson. The lesson that teaches you how to love, not how to hate. Not how to walk away. Not the lesson that breaks you. The lesson that builds you and teaches you to be good.

Despite all I've endured, in the end, I hate myself more than everyone ever did. My mother's rage can't touch me anymore, because I've done far worse to myself than she ever could. Her fists mean nothing against my blade. Her anger means nothing against my self-destruction. No words she has ever said could cut deeper than those I tell myself. There is no one else I should fear more than my own person.

I became a monster. And I shouldn't teach people any more lessons. I will cut my tongue before I ever lash out on anyone else again. I will cut my hands before I ever raise them against anyone else ever again.

Truth is, dying isn't something I deserve. I deserve to suffer more. Have I learnt nothing? Has all the abuse meant nothing? Why did I become my mother? Why did I let myself become a monster? How could I do this? I betrayed everyone else, but at the end of the day, I betrayed myself the most. I promised, no - I swore I will never be her. And yet every single time I speak, I hear her voice. Every time I look in the mirror, I see her face. And I know there is no forgiveness in my heart for what she did. So there is no forgiveness in my heart for me either.

The funny and kind little girl who just wanted to love and be loved? The little girl who wanted to protect people so they never know the pain she did? I destroyed her. And I don't think she's ever coming back either. I'm sorry I couldn't protect me from myself. I didn't know how deep it ran. I didn't know I could hate myself so much. If I knew, I would've left before hurting anyone else.

Stay away from me and people like me. We bring nothing but chaos. We are too far gone and we don't deserve good things. Little me does - but I killed her a long, long time ago. I no longer deserve anything. I don't think I can ever get my inner child to ever open up again, I think I broke her. I think I'm irreparable. Like a glass that has been broken too many times. You can put the pieces back together, but it will still leak.

There is a darkness in me that has been there at all times. I think I lost myself in it. I think it swallowed me whole. And although I see it now.. I don't think I'm coming back either. The next step for me is, as I know it so well, numbness. A numbness I can't get out if I refuse to. A numbness I don't want to get out of. I want to sink. Deeper. In darker holes. To be swallowed so deeply that when it's done with me, I am nothing. Hollow and empty. Bones that are kept together by a heart that beats, but no longer feels. I don't deserve happiness. I deserve to be empty for as long as I breathe.

[kosherkept]

I hope nothing in my ask sounded condescending or anything! (or implied you don't know what you're talking about or something, sorry I'm autistic and struggling a lot of with communication rn) But yeah it's definitely not normal for a rabbi to recommend not doing any learning yourself, ive talked to four rabbis about converting cause I was looking for one that would be best suited to me as a queer trans person in the rural south, and every one of them recommended studying independently and learning/immersing myself in the open aspects of Jewish culture to see if converting would make sense in my life and to go ahead and start the process and I did for basically the whole year I was waiting for the intro to judaism class, I was even attending synagogue for about 4-5 months before the class and most reform synagogues will let you start attending services if you want and are able to so that you can get involved with your local Jewish community and get a feel for the services, anyways I wanted to say sorry for giving a bunch of unsolicited advice I realized when you answered my ask that was more so a vent looking for people whove have similar experiences and not like, a call for advice, sorry for completely misunderstanding it! I just am very passionate about Judaism and my conversion process and love to talk to other people who are trying/thinking about converting and it tends to get a little rambly, the only other thing I really wanna say but you can definitely ignore if you don't feel like it would help is to not put all learning and everything aside completely, the conversion process as a whole is much easier if you go into it with a pretty good base knowledge and my Rabbi told me that it showed I was serious about wanting to convert and truly dedicating myself to a Jewish life even when other people aren't looking (and in my case more meaningful because me and my Rabbi have time to focus on more specific things like queer Jewish history, disabled Jewish history and other like more niche specific things)

also sorry this is really the last thing but I'm pretty sure I have a lot of the same feelings about choosing a Jewish life (correct me if I'm wrong), I felt personally like it was really heavily aimed at people converting just for marriage and kinda implied that most people wouldn't convert just for the love of it on their own which, kinda felt a little bad to me personally, and I really didn't like the assumption that everyone converting is already involved in the Jewish community in some way or connected to it through family or their partners family, it definitely presents some things in a way that I didn't enjoy reading very much, living a Jewish life by Anita Diamont is completely different in vibe and it's more about the customs, history, prayers, holidays, mitzvot, and minhag of the Jewish community and in my opinion it was much kinder and friendlier than choosing a Jewish life, it was basically all informative and not anecdotal

anyways sorry again! I hope nothing in this ask was rude/condescending either but if it was please feel free to correct me cause I certainly didn't mean for it to be I just really enjoy talking about these things and have a bad gauge of tone

hi!!! i'm sorry if i replied in a way that made it out to seem i thought your ask was unwelcome or condescending, it wasn't at all!! im also autistic so we're just 🤝 . i wasn't looking for advice but it's natural to want to offer it to other people and i'm not upset about it so it's totally fine

and yes i heavily agree about the book!! i've ended up skipping some chapters entirely since i'm not wanting to convert 1. for a fiancé, nor 2. as a christian or soon to be ex-christian. the entire segments about giving up christmas were so weird to me since she didn't clarify in the introduction that the book was primarily for christians, although i don't remember if she said anything about the book being for partners of jews. but i do like her writing style so maybe i'll have to check out her other book as well

[otakubells]

Hi Tumblr!

How are you?

Sorry for the late visit. I know you know I've only ever come here to vent my frustrations in life. Well, here's a short update, i got married last year and after being married for 4 months, i decided to quit my job. It may have been quite an impulsive decision, a spur of the moment kind of thing, but know that resigning was already knocking on my head's door since 2019.

You asked if I disliked my job? No, not entirely. In fact, I've come to love it. Auditing was very challenging but it was interesting and i liked learning about my cases. I didn't like public speaking but I've come to love how we conduct seminars to educate our taxpayers (tho it always made me nervous). I liked my co workers too.

Despite this, there were cons too. I didn't liked how it felt like I only got a little time to work on my cases and it made me stressed because i always wanted to do a good job. I wanted to do more, but i wasn't able to and it was very frustrating. Over time the feeling of frustration turned to discouragement and my once burning passion died down.

Also, you've already known for a long time that I was quite the introvert type right? Well, that's also the part which brought so much stress for me at work. I had to deal with different kinds of people everyday. At first I challenged myself to face them, to face it -- my shy, aloof, no self-confidence self. I told myself i had to do it cause its part of my work and dealing with people is a must in all walks of life. I tried, i struggled hard. I think it paid off cause somehow i know i made improvements and that made me happy. But there came a time where work was so overwhelming and people were also very overwhelming that i cried myself to sleep everynight. Everyday felt like a battle I had to win and work felt like I was always standing at the tip of the cliff, and it felt like so many things were trying to push me down that cliff and I felt scared, everyday i felt scared. I was stressed, i was scared, i was anxious, it felt like i was drowning.

Everyday i fought. Sometimes I won, most of the times i lost and everytime i lose, i drowned in my thoughts and everynight it pulled me deeper.

I became disorganized and out of focus, my head was always full of things that i wanted to do but my body and mind cant keep up. I cant finish a single task because while doing one thing im thinking of another and everyday became full of distractions. My husband tried to pull me up several times but my mind was in a total mess and i always find myself drowning again. I also tried to help myself but i couldn't. I couldn't even take care of myself, i couldn't take care of the house, i couldn't take care of anything.

Then, there came a time when i felt like i was at my weakest, i had problems at home, i had problems at work, i had problems with myself. It was a time where i wished people would be a little bit kinder, but they weren't. I told myself i had enough and decided to pass my resignation letter thinking i could still find a job somewhere.

Now, I am currently a freeloader. I liked doing nothing. I liked feeling stress free. I am slowly getting back up to the surface again. But now i have new problems to face, it seems like i dont like the feeling of being useless, the feeling of depending on someone. I am scared that if I continue to be like this i would lose myself and i didnt want to feel that if i lose the person im depending now, i would become nothing, i would become empty. And now its eating my self esteem and self confidence again. I feel like life stopped beating. I tried finding jobs online, but everytime i read the job description, i doubt myself. Can i do it? Am i capable? What if I dont qualify? What if i cant do it?

I have been overthinking a lot of things and i can't help it and thats why im here typing this long long post at 1 am. Coz my insomnia is visiting me and she's here for weeks now.

I A M L O S T!

Someone save me, coz i think im starting to drown myself again.

[heffrondriving]

MAKE THAT TWO WHOLE EVIL YEARS OF CURSED RUSHER SHENANIGANS FROM YOURS TRULY BABEY!!!!! (⁎⁍̴̛͂▿⁍̴̛͂⁎)✲ﾟ｡⋆♡ོ

i can’t believe it’s been a full-ass year since my villain origin story-

[jerzwriter]

9.11 UPDATE:

ADHD has not been my friend. I have many series open, and that's not good. Of course, that doesn't mean that the mind shuts off - so other ideas pop in. As today's Sunday Six explains, that's caused some issues in getting work out, and I think I just need to be a little kinder to myself, embrace the process and write where my inspiration is and stop forcing the rest. It will come when the time is right.

Here's what is still in the works:

Ethan x Kaycee:

Kismet: The premise of this series was six times Ethan & Kaycee met before they "met" in Edenbrook's lobby. Those six chapters are all completed. The next segment, which is in the works, is their meeting. The final will be us learning if they ever realize that they met in the past.

What Happened in Vegas Part 3 - This is completed - except for ONE SCENE that I'm really struggling with. I'm hoping I'll be able to get it out to you by the weekend of 9.17. I'm so anxious to get this one up, but ... this ONE scene!

When the Bough Breaks Final Chapter - I'm so sorry this one is so abandoned. But I have picked it up, and it's about 70% done. So it is coming soon. I hope you won't be disappointed.

Tobias x Casey:

Friends* Part 5: In the last part, things looked bright for Tobias & Casey after spending a beautiful day together, but the next day he blindsided her, ending their "friends with benefits" arrangement and encouraging her to move on with someone else. What's next for them?

Their Start - I really want to get back to this. In fact, I'm trying to decide if I should attempt this to bring the story current to where The Wedding/Baby part starts or not? Decisions. The story stands at the very start of the chemical attack. Casey has broken up with Tobias, and they're not on speaking terms. But, she gave him a glimmer of hope (and immediately regretted it), then the unimaginable happened.

Wedding/Baby HC for Tobias and Casey - it will cover both weddings and all 3 pregnancies/births of their daughters. -- The next part, Tobias & Casey travel to DC to tell his mother about their engagement and other big news.

UPCOMING THIS FALL (below the break):

Reset is in the works... still planning it for the fall... I'll give you a more firm date when I have one.

Where it Goes From Here - Well, goddamn, another one-off turns into a series. But it will be a little different. This will consist solely of conversations between different players that take place after Tobias & Casey's fateful meeting at the airport. There will also be some flashbacks from their past, as well as Tobias & Lisette's 👀 My plan is to do finish Friends* before I get into this.

Further Down The Line:

I'm repackaging and wrapping up Their First Two Months for Ethan and Casey. This will become an "alternate end" to my Ethan HC. Ethan/Kaycee HC will progress a little differently, with their love confessions and relationship timing taking a different path.

If that's not enough, @lucy-268 and I will be working on a collaborative mini-series for lothario, neither of our headcanons, Tobias. It will be a fun, flirty, sexy, crack fic.

I will do the prompts and asks and little projects in between all of these. I find that they are great for keeping the creative juices going when I get stalled. But DON'T THINK I've forgotten them. I haven't! :)

[khaleesiofalicante]

Trigger warning: so if you don't feel like answering this or don't have the energy. That's alright of you don't.

I've been holding this in for months now and I don't want to tell anyone or burden anyone, (here I am doing it though). but I relapsed back into my suicidal thoughts, and I'm so angry because I was getting better, and now I'm back to staying for other people and not myself. And I'm so tired of living with it, I think 2020 and 2021 brought it back on, and I'm just tired of living with these thoughts every day. My depression and OCD have gotten bad again too, and I'm just tired of feeling this way.

I can't confide in my friends because they have issues of their own and I don't want to burden them. and my family will flip and want to send me back to a kind of suicide prevention place for a week like last time when I attempted. I'm not there, just have the thoughts, but they'll flip. And I don't want to go back there, I don't.

So I've been holding it in for so many months, and lately all I can think is "I hope I don't wake up." or "I hope something happens to me."

And it sucks because I was getting better, and then more shit in my life happened, and I just want a break, and I usually go to fandom for that but all that does is upset me now as well, and I feel isolated, and like I don't really belong even though I seem to fit in so perfectly (even in fandom). Sometimes it feels like no one really thinks there's a possibility that i'm not okay, because i seem so fine and sure of myself. And people tell me I'm so strong but I'm tired of always being so strong, I want to not have to be strong anymore. But then I see people call suicide shameful and a disgrace, and I feel pathetic for the thoughtas. And the time I attempted it, and survived, people called me crazy, and I don't want to be called crazy again, I'm already a big enough fuck up in my family lmao.

I'm sorry for bothering you, and I hope I didn't trigger you or anything. I got a sudden burst of will to finally reach out and say something to someone lol. And I just needed to vent and get it out.

Hello love,

Thank you for reaching out. I'm so proud of you for talking about this. It couldn't have been easy.

I'm sorry that people have responded to your struggles with no empathy or kindness in the past. I hope you know it says more about them than it does about you. While you might believe you need to become stronger, sometimes strength means nothing if the world around you doesn't become kinder. So, try not to think of yourself as the problem - because you're not.

You don't have to take my advice, but I would strongly recommend that you talk to your parents about how you are feeling right now. You might not be in the edge as you say, but you don't always have to wait till the last possible moment. Sometimes, acting early can be really helpful. If you don't want to go back to that camp for any reason, then please do look into other options. Are there any other camps or centers that can support you? Share these options with your parents and ask for their help.

You are never, ever a burden for asking for help. I think if it was the other way around...If one of your friends was struggling and needed your help and reached out to you, I think you would help them. I don't think think you would see them as a burden. So, have the same faith in those who love you too.

Sometimes I feel like I hope I don't wake the next day too. Those days are the worst - and are so scary. At times like that, I remind myself of all the little things I would miss in my future. I would never get to see whether I look foxy when my hair starts to gray. I would never get to the be the cool wine aunt who is also the gay aunt. I never get to know what happens in the end of the shadowhunter chronicles - that last one is particularly terrifying to me. This is an exercise that helps me. I hope it helps you too - at least in the moment.

You shouldn't protect yourself out of fear or shame or judgement. Don't do it for those around you. Do it for yourself. Being strong can be really, really tiring. I feel you. I really do. So, it's okay to take a break - as long you remember to pick yourself up.

I know one thing for sure.

You are not weak. You are not crazy. You are not a fuck up.

I bet the people who said those things don't have half the courage or resilience you have right now.

And another thing.

You are a fighter. You went to the camp and came back stronger. You got better, remember? That was all you. If you did once, you can do it again.

I know you feel like giving up, but the fact that you reached and talk about this shows that you want to keep fight.

There is a part of you that wants to keep fighting - hold on to that.

These last two years took so much from us. We are not going to let it take you away too. You are staying right fucking here.

You belong on this hell site. You belong to this world. You belong to yourself.

I know you are looking for strength. But at this time, you need love and support too - now more an ever.

Reach out. Ask for help. There is nothing shameful about it. You are fighting for yourself and your future - that is an inspiring and beautiful thing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

I'm always here (anon or not) if you want to talk about anything at all - even to discuss what the future would look and what we would miss if we didn't give ourselves the chance to see it.

(ps - This includes a free opportunity to discuss all possible theories about what happens to Magnus Bane in the future - if you don't know who that is then holy shit you have so much to learn so don't give up!!!!)

I hope you feel a little better after reaching out. I hope it encourages you to reach out to more - to me or anyone else.

All my love, Dani x.

[jayflrt]

Can u please give me reassurance that things get better with age? I've had such a drastic drop in self confidence and it's affecting every aspect of my life. It has a lot to do with the environment I'm in, so I'm really holding on to that hope that once I'm "out there" I can get back on my own two feet. I'm so hopeless rn. I'm so sorry u just seem so put together I'm jealous even tho our circumstances may be wildly different

hi anon ! IM SORRY THIS GOT SO LONG but i’ve had the same concerns as you did before, and i’m not sure where you are in your life rn, and i know i’m still an emerging adult, but i will give you my take on this !!

first of all i’m rlly sorry that you’re feeling this way :( but i hope you know that many ppl experience these feelings and come out strong regardless, so don’t let it beat you down !! 💗 i can’t promise that things get better with age but i can promise that as you grow, you’ll learn how to handle and cope with what’s thrown your way and be able to deal with it in ways that are healthier and less stressful on you. i think teenagers also tend to have a more negative outlook on life than older (25+) people do D: i mean i’m not 25 HAHAH and i definitely don’t think life is all rainbows and sunshine, but i think i’ve grown enough(??) to appreciate the little things

this may be a stupid analogy HAHAH but i never rlly appreciated the stars when i was a kid ?? i was just like oh, there’s a sky and stars. now im older and like ,, fascinated, like i always look up and just stargaze when i’m walking home and trying to look at the different constellations. i think just growing older and learning more (i took astrophysics so maybe that’s why??) i just think so much more ab it like how bright they are even tho they’re light years away, how they seem like they’re in the same place but they’re constantly moving just like us, and how they burn for so long 😵‍💫

so it’s kinda just my outlook on life changing in a way ?? i had sort of a dilemma when i was 16 where i couldn’t understand what my purpose was in life and couldn’t even imagine myself graduating high school at the time. my parents are helicopter parents and i couldn’t even imagine them trusting me enough to let me leave the house and go on trips with my friends

now that i’m a little older, my perspectives have changed on a lot. and maybe it might change as i grow even more, but i don’t necessarily think humans have a designated purpose, but just are able to live life to their fullest if they choose to. i focus less on “what i missed out on” because of my parents and more on what i can do now and how i can be a better parent when i have a kid. and now i’m literally on a trip with my friends for the weekend—something i never imagined my parents would even think of letting me do in high school. i think i was more judgmental of myself and my actions when i was a teenager, and i defended this by thinking it was because others would judge me. now, though, i’ve embraced myself more and have accepted that i have faults but don’t let it break me down(?) in a sense

again, i’m not sure how old are you rn but my self confidence was pretty low when i was in high school :o i think a lot of it had to do bc i kept comparing myself to the ppl around me. i’ve also noticed (and seen in my social psych classes) that ppls self confidence usually increases with age :’) when you get out there and start doing things for yourself, you’re gonna start feeling kinder to yourself and realizing that everything you were beating yourself up for doesn’t matter. i don’t mean that in a negative way but in the sense that like in ten years you’re not gonna have the same worries that you’re having rn 🤧

i’m definitely not like an expert on anything and i don’t think there are any clear cut answers on how to live your life, but i will say that you will be okay and what you’re feeling now isn’t a reflection of how you will feel in the future. life will be a bitch sometimes but be a bitch back and make the most of it 💖

please also note that i am not a therapist im just a writing blog on the internet HAHAH so if your concerns are deeper than this and go into something potentially triggering then it’s wise to see a professional instead 

[bmongmong]

Chapter 1 - Just me

Blue pill or red pill - Jungkook

Description: You're a young girl, who's a little bit introverted and afraid to be under everybody's eyes. You only have your best friend, but it's ok for you. You don't want to be popular and believe in minimal things. One day you meet a guy. Or two?

Jungkook x Reader

The imagines I used are not mine Credit to the owners

Y/n pov

"Ufffffff" I scoff.

"In a couple of days, school starts" I complain.

Right now I'm in my bedroom, talking to my favorite teddy bear. Don't worry, I'm not crazy. But sometimes I need to talk to someone when my best friend is not around.

My best friend's name is Rosé. She's very kind and funny and also very reliable.

We've know each other since kinder garden and, since then we've been together.

Talking about the devil: she's calling me right now.

I smirk. I'm not going to answer, because I know what her reaction is going to be. She's going to be so mad at me ahahah. I always do this, I like to bother her a bit.

I'm sitting on my bed, with my legs crossed, with an evil smile on my face.

She's calling me again. Ok I'll answer, but I have to be ready...1....2...3!

"Hi Ros-"

"STOP DOING THAT!!! YOU KNOW THAT I HATE WHEN YOU IGNORE MY CALLS!!" she scolds me.

I can't help but laugh at her.

"Good morning to you too princess!" I say, trying not to laugh.

"Yeah, yeah. I swear y/n, I'm going to kill you someday" she scoffs "By the way, school is going to start in two days!!" she protests.

"Don't tell me about it. Oh Rosé, I have an idea" I say whispering.

"Tell me, tell me!!" she seems excited.

"Why don't we meet up tomorrow? It's going to be our last day of freedom. We need to have fun!!"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Oh by the way" I say twirling a lock of hair "How is it going with the prince of school?" I smirk really hard and she seems to notice.

"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT THERE'S NOTHING BETWEEN US! He just likes to tease me. And you know that we hate each other" as she explains this, she seems kinda annoyed.

"Ok flower, calm down, I was just kidding" I say laughing a bit.

After chatting for a bit, we end the call and now I'm looking outside of my window.

There's a really bright sun and a clear blue sky. It's really beautiful, but I don't know why it gives me anxiety.

"My life is so boring..." I snort as I touch the glass wall in front of me.

That's right. I'm just a normal student that only studies and hangs out with her only friend.

Regarding her, she's more popular and beautiful than me. I'm not saying that I'm ugly, it's just that I don't have much confidence.

But now I'm used to this. As much as I complain, I'm starting to like this lifestyle. No troubles, no enemies.

Just peace.

My parents are a bit worried, because I just stay in my room all the time.

I mean, I guess it's understandable. Their only child is a nerd, who just studies all day long and comes out of the room just to shower and eat.

But that's the way I like it.

When something is wrong or I have the feeling that something bad is about to happen, I just rush to my room and lock myself inside. Maybe I'm just running away from responsibilities. Or maybe I like to stay alone. I really don't know.

I look at myself through the mirror attached to my closet.

"I'm actually not that bad" I say as I try to look like a model during a photoshoot. But then I realize I'm talking to myself, again.

Why do I have to be this cringy? Luckily I'm alone.

Now it's time to eat and I can hear my mum calling my name. I have to go downstairs to the kitchen.

"Bye bye, my little shelter" every time I have to leave my room, it kinda hurts. And I'm a bit scared.

I swear, I look so dramatic ahahah.

I'm walking down the stairs and the first thing I see is a big picture of me and Rosé. It has always been there but every time I see it, my heart becomes warm.

My mum insisted on hanging it on the wall. She really loves Rosé, because when I talk about her my face lights up. That's what both of my parents say.

"I'm here mum and dad" I say as I walk towards them and sit at the dining table.

"Hi beautiful" my dad says as he sees me "are you ready for school?"

"Yes, as always I have to be prepared. I've been studying for a while" I tell him as I smile.

"Y/n, I know you want to be the top student" my mum interrupts us "but you have to enjoy life, go outside, make some friends and maybe bring home a boyfriend"

"BOYFRIEND?!" both me and my dad shout.

"Yes. B-O-Y-F-R-I-E-N-D" my mum marks that word and then continues "you're already 19 and you've never brought home a boy"

"Thanks for reminding me how single I am" I say giving up.

After I finished eating and cleaning the kitchen, I went straight to my room and now I'm here in my bed, looking at my white ceiling.

That color reminds me how much I love simplicity. Even when I was a little kid, I loved minimalism. When my dad was painting my room he asked me what color I wanted the walls. "White" I said. Even the furniture it's all white. Back then I thought that if my room was all white, people wouldn't have noticed it that much, so that I could stay away from problems.

I guess it was the same with my personality. I wanted to be noticed as little as possible. Until I met Rosé. The first thing she told me, when she first saw me, was "Why are you all white and black?". But that day I was wearing a pink skirt with a purple t-shirt. So I looked at her confused and she told me "I was talking about your personality".

Even though she was only four years old, she was very smart and fast-learning.

Since then, when I'm with her, I act like myself, without being afraid to be judged. Only when we go outside I contain myself in order to not be noticed.

She knows that I don't want to get in trouble, that's why, when it's only me and her, I'm a crazy weirdo, while when we're with others I'm the basic nerd who sits in a corner.

"Mmmh what can I do today?" I question myself still laying down.

"I think I'm going to study today too, since tomorrow I'll be with Rosé"

And that's how my afternoon and evening went.

Now it's Sunday morning. I'm very nervous for tomorrow, because today I cannot review my notes. This gives me much anxiety. But it's ok I guess. I think I need some fresh hair.

In the morning I cleaned a bit my room, I don't like when it's messy. Every single thing has his little spot, like everything in this world. Also I have a very very little spot in this planet and I don't actually mind to stay there.

Now it's early noon and I receive a message from Rosé.

Rosé:

Y/n I know you don't like to go outside, but at least wear something cute. I'll be there in 30 minutes!!! 😊

Something cute? I usually wear a basic pair of jeans and a white or black t-shirt.

I only have one cute shirt, but I've never worn it because I was afraid people would look at me.

It's not that I don't want to be observed by others. I just think that if someone starts complimenting me, people are going to talk a lot and then I'll be under everybody's eyes.

I just don't want to become "popular" among my classmates and other teenagers.

While thinking about all this, I changed into today's outfit. It looks cute, I already knew it. I just hope nothing will happen.

In the end it's nothing special. Just a pair of blue jeans and a white cute shirt.

As I put on my shoes I hear my phone vibrating. It's Rosé. She says that she's waiting for me outside.

I quickly run downstairs, say hi to my parents, who look at me shocked by seeing their daughter wearing something different, and then head outside.

I see my friend waiting for me. She's so beautiful, I swear.

"Hi y/n!! I was waiting for you!!" she says smiling brightly.

After walking down the street, we decided to stop at a cute café. We asked the waiter, if we could sit outside, because it was such a beautiful day.

While we're enjoy our coffees, someone greets us.

"Hi Y/n, Hi Rosé!"

We turn around and it's him.

I look at Rosé. It looks like she has mixed emotions. She seems nervous but at the same time annoyed.

"What are you doing here Jimin?" she asked him.

"Calm down honey, I'm just hanging out with my friend here" he answers pointing at a guy next to him.

"Honey my ass!" Rosé seems pissed. But I'm not really paying attention at what she's saying back to Jimin. I keep looking at the guy next to him.

Not going to lie. He's handsome.

Why am I even looking at him? He's way out of my league. He's too much. But I don't know why I can't stop looking at him.

"Why do you keep looking at me?" this mysterious guy says.

OH MY GOD IS HE TALKING TO ME?!

"O-Oh s-sorry..." I say at a really low voice looking at the ground.

"Ahahaha don't worry y/n" Jimin says smiling "he's always mad. It's not because you were staring at him. Nothing will happen"

After cutely arguing with Rosé, Jimin snd his friend leave.

"I swear to god, I'm going to beat Jimin's ass!" my friend says angrily.

"But it looked like you enjoyed talking to him, even though you seemed annoyed" I say smirking.

"W-What?" she's all red. Ahahahh I love making her feel all flustered.

It's the end of the day and now I'm in my bed. I'm so nervous. Tomorrow morning will be the first day of school.

I have a whole plan in my head. Be plain, white. Like the wooden beams on my ceiling.

[allocate-aloe]

Hi! I've only just discovered you're back on Tumblr after a 2-ish year hiatus, welcome back! Since there's a chance you'll actually see this now, I wanted to say some things I couldn't while you were gone. Before that, though - I hope you’ve been well and that your life is in a better place these days. :) (1/3)

I’m real excited you’re considering finishing LWAL. It’s by far one of my favorite fanfics and the possibility of it being concluded after three years (Jesus, time flies lol) is a really nice surprise. I had started reading TAM when you were still writing it fairly early on, but never finished it. I found it again after getting back into Undertale in November of last year, and binge read the entire thing. It was amazing -(2/3)

and inspired me to start drawing more seriously after dropping off as a result of a really shit year. I’m now working towards improving enough to start learning how to animate! I just wanted to thank you for my new found determination, so…thank you! Sorry if this feels excessive, Tumblr’s ask character limit is garbage and I wanted to get my point across the best I could lol. (3/3)

On a related note, your version of Gaster is by far my favorite and has ruined other /kinder/ Gaster’s for me, since when I think of him all I can picture is G. Alright, I’m really done now, I promise! :)

Oh my, this really made my day! <3

I’ve actually been rereading the story, as I have forgotten what had happened. It’s a bit rough for me to comb over. It has a lot of problems with abusive behavior that I was trying to convince myself was signs of affection or love because my ex-husband displayed a lot of the same petulant, manipulative, stupid behavior. It would be a much different story, a much better story, if I re-approached it with the way in which G has developed as a character from the TSM side story. (As well as the novel, which actually displays the correct and incorrect forms of going about a relationship over multiple characters.)

Even so, I know that many of you have enjoyed the story and it has helped sharpen me into a more knowledgeable writer. We all start from somewhere, and it’s this practice and discipline that makes us better artists overall.

Keep drawing, keep creating! You really never will know where it’ll take you. Life is tough, it’s these little bits of creativity that can make the difference in not just your own life, but the lives of others.

I wish you all the luck in the world to pursue your passions. Whether it be a career, or a hobby. And that goes for everybody reading this right now, too. -BIIGGGG HUG-

[darapnerd]

G33k HQ Presents: MC Front-A-Lot Interview

Interview Questions From G33K-HQ & Darealwordsound (Wordy): Nerdcore Interview Collaboration Questions

MC Front: Thank you for bearing with me! So sorry to continually drop the ball on this. Here you go.

Wordy: What was your first creative outlet? MC Front: I seem to remember kindergarten involving a lot of drawing. First and second grade had poetry exercises sometimes. But the way we played D&D between 2nd and 6th grades was how my imagination really got fired up. We didn\'t like dice and maps that much. We\'d take turns DMing and just sort of freestyle the stories to each other at recess. Wordy:  What was the first rap album you ever purchased? MC Front: It was also my first CD. DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, He\'s the DJ, I\'m the Rapper. Wordy: Who are your biggest music inspirations?

  MC Front: Tom Waits, Public Enemy, Bjork

Wordy: Describe your studio to us.

  MC Front: I have an Ikea desk that\'s been out of print for 10 years so I get fussy when anyone leans on it. Creaky, cheap old thing. It\'s the only one where you can bolt the rotating side shelves at any height. Perfect for the near-field monitors and re-aiming them for any version of the stereo field. I mix there in my bedroom which isn\'t treated, but I\'ve been in there so long that I can work around most of the room effects. I have a coat closet fully treated, very dead and dry, for vocals. I keep some buttons in there to engineer myself, but everything\'s still happening on the studio computer. My pre-amp and mics and monitors are satisfactory. I could use a better ADC/DAC.

  I will record occasional hand percussion, etc, in that closet booth, but very little fits in there. For other acoustic capture, I\'ll rent time at a real studio (any time I\'m tracking my drummers) or I\'ll go field-record strings at someone\'s apartment.

  A solid two thirds of the non-vocal sound on the albums is electronic, and I can get keyboard performances or work on drum machine material in the project studio without worrying about the ambient noises of Brooklyn.

  Wordy: Describe your ideal home studio if money wasn\'t a problem.

  MC Front: A proper treatment of the mixing room would be great. I guess I\'d have twenty of these Avalon pre-amps and a little drum room, as well as a booth big enough for upright bass or cello. There is almost unlimited fanciness available in the hardware market... I guess I\'d have to make a hobby out of shopping. I\'d still use Reaper as my DAW, though -- the least expensive version of that kind of software, and also the best. I could probably spend sixty grand on plugins.

Wordy: What is your creative process for writing and or producing a song?

MC Front: Baddd Spellah, my Canadian beatsmithing partner, has been kind enough to work on grooves with me for the last fifteen years. Usually I will start with something he\'s been kicking around, or he\'ll take a pass at some live drum that I\'ve been chopping up, and we\'ll add keyboard material from Gm7 (Gaby Alter), my longtime music co-writer. When there is a verse-appropriate groove that is in pretty good shape, I\'ll leave it on loop and write. Once in a while, I\'ll write a hook over a groove that feels like a chorus, and start from there. After I\'ve got most of a lyric, I\'ll put down a scratch vocal so that Spellah and I can build a full song arrangement. Then I\'ll record too many takes of the final vocal, and spend too many months dicking around with the comp, the mix, and all the instrumental details. Finally I\'ll listen to it on as many different devices as I can, fine-tune the mix, and stay up for a week and a half making increasingly bad decisions about everything on the album, leading up to the mastering appointment I foolishly committed to several months prior.

  Wordy: What is your happiest On-Stage Moment?

  MC Front: I think a PAX crowd demanded a second encore once. That makes you feel like a superstar.

Wordy: What was your favorite song to write or record?

  MC Front: Maybe Stoop Sale? But that might be because the video came out so well. For the most part, my happiness with the process relies entirely on the result: it makes me happy to listen to a track if I don\'t just hear a barrage of fuckups that it\'s too late to go back and fix. But there aren\'t very many of those. Of all my lyrics, I\'m probably proudest of Two Dreamers from the Question Bedtime album. I feel like I worked out every bit of the story and then obscured it just enough that the listener\'s careful attention is rewarded.

Wordy: What advice do you have for aspiring artists?

  MC Front: Practice a lot, develop your talent. Get the skills you need to properly communicate with whoever your creative partners are. Take the craft seriously but give yourself a break for not having mastered it -- that is a lifelong process with no actual end goal.

Wordy: What project do you feel best describes you as an artist?

  MC Front: The Nerdcore Rising documentary probably says more about me and the band than I\'d ever be able to, and in kinder words. Of my own projects, I like the Zero Day and Solved albums as a window into whatever it is I\'m trying to say about nerdcore.

Wordy: How do you feel about the disconnect between \"Nerdcore\" and \"HipHop\"?

  MC Front: Well, hip-hop is a cultural movement with very specific origins and elements. Rap is a formal music style that emerged from hip-hop. Any \'variation\' or \'new perspective\' that someone brings to rap is fine -- if meaningless. It might matter that you came up with a new thing to say, but the fact that you chose an unusual form for your expression should be the least interesting thing about it. You can write a march for your peace movement, even if marches come from military music, because the march itself is just a formal style of composition. You\'d be smart to note the ironic relationship there, or you\'d be dumb to suggest that there isn\'t one, or that your choice to use a march as an expression of pacifism somehow reaches backward and affects the origin of the form. Anyone who thinks they\'re \'expanding\' or \'liberating\' hip-hop from its roots by rapping about things that haven\'t been rapped about traditionally is probably an idiot. 

  My idea about hip-hop was only to observe that it was cool. Like, it was the coolest thing happening in American culture when I was a kid, and it probably still is. Breakdancers were the coolest kids on the playground. Graffiti kids were the coolest outlaws in fourth grade. And rappers were the coolest possible composers of verse.

  To want to compose and perform verse in that formal style without having any direct connection to hip-hop, and without being cool, is the sort of desire nerd kids might express by themselves, away from arbiters of hipness, and share only with other uncool kids. The idea of nerdcore went no deeper than that, originally. I\'m glad that a lot of other DIY rappers have found that resonant enough to expand upon.

  Wordy: Do you feel more \"Nerdcore\" rappers should know about its roots in \"HipHop\"?

  MC Front: Definitely. I remember trying to write a Villanelle in a college poetry class. First, we had to read and dissect a sheaf of them. The professor was of the opinion that we would all flounder in the assignment, because there had been only a handful of good Villanelles ever written. I\'m sure none of us wrote one of lasting value. The point was to learn how formal composition connects works, and to appreciate the complications. You can always just do it anyway. But knowing where it comes from and how it\'s been attempted before teaches you how to try to do it well. I think anyone who wants to compose lyrics within the rap genre should know all they can about how raps have been composed so far.

  That doesn\'t even begin to address the cultural issue. Some artists misidentify nerdcore as comedy music, and worse yet, think the joke is \"it\'s rap, but white kids are doing it.\" I think that outlook leads to the weakest possible songs, and is generally disrespectful of hip-hop in a way that concerns me and offends anyone who cares about American culture. Of course, not all of the nerdcore rappers are white, but all of the schticky ones are. I wonder if a delve into hip-hop\'s history would cure them of that impulse, or at least afford them the humility to hush it up.

Wordy: Are you involved in any philanthropy in your local communities or abroad?

  MC Front: I try to do something in support of Child\'s Play every year. I\'m going to contribute to the upcoming Worldbuilders album project.

Wordy: Can you freestyle? Meaning rap off the top of the head? If so, can we see you drop a few bars next time live?

  MC Front: I never do this! I think I\'ve conditioned myself into a certain kind of vanity. Almost everything on the albums is rapped in complete sentences, with rhymes that I\'ve never used previously. Freestyling doesn\'t work that way. I\'m too ashamed to let anyone see me freestyling about the frog, on a log, in a bog, who got sog-gy.

Wordy: Do you consider yourself a “GEEK”?

  MC Front: Of course.

Wordy: In your own words, describe what the word “GEEK” means to you?

MC Front: I decided at some point a long time ago that geeks are all direct descendants of the side-show geek, whose job was biting heads off of chickens. They weren\'t special in any way, except that they were willing and able to do that thing, and it was a fairly extreme thing to do. But because nobody else at the carnival was willing to go to that extreme, the geekery came to seem like a highly specialized skill.

  That\'s why you can be a geek about anything. You just need a topic where your knowledge or expertise is so specialized that it seems distastefully extreme to non-geeks. You can geek out about fantasy novels or about robot AIs. But you can also geek out about car engines or cooking. You don\'t have to be a nerd to geek out.

  Nerds are almost always geeks, and their subjects of geekery are often recognizably nerdy. But a nerd is something else, a person who was already too weird or too smart, and felt alienated, and embraced geekery as an alternative to whatever broader pursuits the cool kids enjoyed.

  Wordy: What is your earliest geek memory?

  MC Front: I was a Star Wars geek starting at age three and a half when the first one came out. It was the only thing I wanted to do. I made adults take me to see it 11 times before Empire came out (I kept careful count). I collected the Kenner figures obsessively until they stopped making new ones a year or two after Jedi.

  Wordy: What is your \"Geek\" hobby? Do you collect comic books? Anime? Video games?

  MC Front: I do still love comics, but I own too many. Video games take up less space. I spend more time gaming than I do working on music, occasionally 70 or 80 hours in a week. It\'s as much an emotional self-medication as it is a hobby.

Wordy: Who are your Top 5 emcees dead or alive?

  MC Front: In no order: Busdriver, MF Doom, Del, Q-Tip, Chuck D

Wordy: When is your next show or tour?

  MC Front: When I get the dang old album done! Maybe spring 2017 for tour. PAX South is the soonest lone show.

Wordy: Do you have a new album coming out?

  MC Front: It\'s called INTERNET SUCKS, and it is going to have a heavy \'get off my lawn\' vibe. Everyone will be mad at me, yet secretly agree with every word on the record. Watch for it to take your feeds by storm.

  http://frontalot.com

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