#and i'm trying very hard to drop hints that i am in fact very cool with that but i'm actually coming across as an asshole

[fisheito]

(zookeeper au) eiden: hey yakumo why do you always use the stall

rei: damn can't imagine asking someone why they pee the way they do. why do you show your dick to pee. imagine being so overconfident in your ability to piss you just stand and make a mess on the floor for a janitor to clean up (THIS DIVERSION WAS MADE BY 1/3 OF THE CLOACA CREW)

TSJFSFK THAT WAS MY INMMEDAITE THOUGHT -->defensive rei (bc i instinctively project my personal reaction as the first rxn)

if eiden's all "why are you shy yakumo? u can pee right next to me 🥰" *pats urinal next to him* i can imagine rei walking into the room with 1 of 3 reactions:

Fight Mode: "imagine asking someone what they do in the toilet. i could report u for sexual harassment" <- he would not, bc rei ain't a snitch, but i can imagine rei sassing eiden bc he feels like it

Apathy Mode: "i use the stall too. it's nbd. this is unimportant." (continues with his life, uncaring)

Generous Mode: "you're curious? come in here and i'll show u"

[vin-taege]

requesting for chishiya !! i dont really see anything abt him being flirty, so i'd LOVE to see smth like after the game with king of diamonds when he starts to open up yk, maybe chishiya had feelings for op when they were at the beach but never told them that cause he didnt >want< to feel that way, but after all that talk with kuzuryu he wants to change but doesnt rlly know how so he just starts flirting with op at any given chance basically :]] like calling them pretty and holding their hand/waist yk and maybe just dropping some "wanna makeout?" but its SO CLEAR that hes trying really hard and has no idea of what hes doing (that man does NOT flirt usually

I AM FROTHING AT THE MOUTH FOR THIS !!

I am a firm believer that chishiya is definitely a huge antisocial dork outside of the borderlands and with his partner, so this request hits home

"A" for Effort

Summary: God, who would've thought Chishiya Shuntaro could fail at something so gracefully—alternatively, the one where Chishiya tries flirting for once.

Genre: fluff, aib!au, ooc chishiya (he's a dork in this one)

Pairing: reader x chishiya

Words: 1k

"You know, I can make a bomb out of that with enough batteries and wires." Chishiya mused, a hint of pride in his voice. You froze midway through your actions, the cola can you were holding suspended in midair, inches from your lips. "That's very cool of you, Chishiya."

"Yeah," he hummed. He slid his chair closer to you, making the old floor of the abandoned apartment creak. You'd be lying if you said his closer proximity didn't make your heart flutter.

Uncharacteristically, he slid an arm around you, seemingly aiming to land on the armrest on your other side. As soon as his palm hit the wood, it gave in with a sharp snap, making the blond jolt forward. His chin hit your shoulder, sticky soda liquid spilling as your arm jerked alongside it.

For a split second, he looked mortified, eyebrows raised slightly and his mouth agape. Quickly enough, he caught himself and slid back into his stoic expression. He cleared his throat, "I just have to cut that top part open. The wiring goes in and then the pull-ring after. It's really easy—I can teach you if you want."

His breath was on your skin, deep brown eyes burning into yours. When they're close enough, his eyes no longer looked cold nor judgmental. They were soft, gentle—they were windows to the vulnerabilities and brilliance hidden beneath his hard shell. His pupils seemed to dilate when he whispered, glimmering with wonder under the candlelight.

"You're really pretty."

Your breath hitched in your throat. Eyebrows raised, you let out a hum in surprise. What has gotten into him today?

"Sorry?" You couldn't help but smile. It was an awkward one, given how you were unused to interacting with him like this, but a smile nonetheless.

His arm was still around you, limply laying on the side of the chair before he decided to press it onto your waist. For the first time in his life, Chishiya's fingers trembled. He was praying you wouldn't notice the almost imperceptible way his fingers shook over the fabric of your shirt. You pretended not to notice.

"I think your lips are really pretty," he said as a matter of fact.

He didn't know why you were looking at him as if he just blew someone's head off. Truthfully, it wavered his confidence and he started to rethink his approach. You still hadn't said a word for you were trying to figure out if this was really happening, but he mistook this silence for rejection.

"I'll uh—" he moved away from you, standing up to go towards your makeshift bed of papers and pillows. The bed in the apartment came with questionable stains, and you were adamant about never touching it.

"Chish-"

"I'm going to sleep," he grumbled, frustrated at himself for failing at something he considered to be simple. Why was it suddenly so difficult to talk to you?

Whatever fire Kuzuryuu ignited in him has certainly dampened a bit. He felt defeated—stumped—that the perfect plan he concocted didn't pan out the way it usually would. He thought that now was the best time—he had just came off from beating a king, you found a place the King of Spades seemingly hasn't touched yet, and the both of you managed to unearth unexpired strawberry candies that actually tasted good. Today was supposed to be lucky.

He'd thought of all the variables, and processed the multiple backup plans he had up his sleeve, yet when that fucking armrest broke, they all went down the drain. He was curled up in a ball, back facing toward you. He didn't want you to see him in such an embarrassed—pathetic—state.

"Humans aren't formulaic," he thought.

Sighing, you stood up. You blew the candle, the resulting wisps of smoke trailing up towards the ceiling. Chishiya lay motionless, and if you weren't any wiser, you would've thought that he had actually fallen asleep already.

You sat crossed-leg next to him. The plastic of his earphones glinted under the moonlight, peeking through strands of bleach-blonde hair. You gently plucked the bud out and the blown-out bass of a heavy rock song greeted you. He tilted his head slightly in your direction.

You leaned down, bringing your lips closer to the curve of his ear. "I think you're pretty too."

For a beat, he was unresponsive. Then, he rolled onto his back, now facing you fully. His lips quirked up, giving you the smallest of smiles. He propped himself up on his elbows, cocking his head to the side. It's almost as if it was a challenge for you to continue.

"I don't know what got into you, but I do know that it gave me the courage to tell you this," you bit your lip. "I have feelings for you."

He cocked an eyebrow up, pleasantly surprised and almost in a teasing way. So the plan did work. Not in the way he thought it would, but it still came to fruition.

Your noses were almost touching. You wanted to close the gap, to meet his chapped lips that vaguely smelled of strawberries—he swore he wasn't using lip balm but you begged to differ. He was yearning for this as well. God, he was so mesmerized by you.

So pretty, so pretty, so pretty.

"If you're having trouble with getting the lid off, I can always help you with some pliers I found."

"What are you talking abou—is this about the fucking bomb again?"

He cut you off, finally pressing his lips against yours. Snaking his hand behind your head, he pulled you closer, deepening the kiss. You still hadn't quite figured out the intricacies of his mind. His behavior was sometimes erratic—although he was calm and calculative, he can also be unpredictable and warm.

There was a multitude of thoughts running through your mind, the loudest one being the drive for the both of you to make it out, to survive. And without saying it, you knew he wanted the same thing.

[rpmemes-galore]

Talking Heads : Once in a Lifetime album ... sentence starters

"It's not love."

"Take that love away."

"Don't you worry 'bout me."

"It's not yesterday anymore."

"Do people really fall in love?"

"I wish you wouldn't say that."

"Pay attention, pay attention!"

"I hear it, but I pay it no mind."

"I wish I could meet everyone."

"You can't see it 'til it's finished."

"Take it easy, baby, take it easy."

"Pretty soon now, I will be bitter."

"I wanna talk as much as I want."

"I think you take it a little too far."

"What does it take to fall in love?"

"If it takes forever, that's all right."

"It's gonna make life easy for me."

"I believe that we don't need love."

"I thought I made it clear enough."

"I haven't seen the worst of it, yet."

"I'm a big man in a great big town."

"We're being taken for a ride again."

"I've told lies without hint of regret."

"I see my name go down in history."

"Don't touch me, I'm a real live wire."

"I'm gonna give the problem to you."

"I can't seem to face up to the facts."

"I don't know why I love her like I do."

"You can look, tell me what you see."

"Wait, wait for the moment to come."

"Say something to change my mind."

"Decide, decide, make up your mind."

"But first, show me what you can do."

"I don't know why you treat me so bad."

"Goes to show what a little faith can do."

"I'm tense and nervous and I can't relax."

"I don't have to prove that I am creative."

"There's really no hurry, I'll eat in a while."

"It happened before, it will happen again."

"It's not so cool to have so many problems."

"Take me to the river, drop me in the water."

"It's saying something and it's not very nice."

"I'm a know-it-all, I'm smartest man around."

"They work so hard and they try to be strong."

"Is there a time for this? Is this responsibility?"

"I feel so strong now, 'cause you pulled me up."

"When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed."

"If you were really smart, you'd know what to do."

"You start a conversation, you can't even finish it."

"It takes a lot of time to push away the nonsense."

"I've met the people that you read about in books."

"You're talking a lot, but you're not saying anything."

"Be a little more selfish, it might do you some good."

"You walk, you talk, you still function like you used to."

"Take it easy, baby, don't let your feelings get in the way."

"I've heard all I want to and I don't want to hear any more."

"I can answer your questions if you won't twist what I say."

"I'm embarrassed to admit it hit the soft spot in my heart."

"Why am I going out of my head, whenever you're around?"

"They say compassion is a virtue, but I don't have the time."

"If your work isn't what you love, then something isn't right."

"With a little practice, you can walk, you can talk just like me."

[huihuiheart]

Kinktober D18: Deep - Felix

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Kinktober 2023 Masterlist

Pairing:  Felix x Afab! Reader

Genre: Smut

Summary: His voice isn't all that's deep.

Warnings: Voice kink, cursing, teasing, unprotected sex, lack of foreplay, implied eating out.

Word Count: 901

Felix had cleared you a space on the kitchen counter to settle as he attempted a new recipe, a type of macaron he’d seen and been wanting to try to make himself. Wanting you there to give another opinion on some of the vague phrases the recipe stated instead of merely his own judgment. Though him handing over some stray raspberries was also nice.

“The jam and buttercream are both in the fridge and now the cookies are in the oven, but I just feel like I should do something with the raspberries to add to the decoration. Do you think they’re too plain alone?” Though every time he has spoken his voice had been so deep that your focus had been solely on that while the words flowed in one ear and out the other, panties dampening, while you missed entirely that he had asked you a question. At least until he came over to stand between your legs, looking at you in concern, “Y/N? Are you zoning out again? Is everything okay?” 

"What? Oh yeah I'm fine Felix, sorry I didn't mean to get distracted." You sigh softly, but he doesn't let your head drop. Catching you with a gentle hand on your cheek, thumb brushing delicately against your skin.

"It's okay it happens, I was just worried." He assured, slipping in closer to pull you into his arms, rubbing your back for a few moments, "Just remember that if something is weighing on you that you can tell me."

You hug him back, humming softly, "I know Felix, it's nothing like that I promise. Just a slight distraction. Genuinely."

He nods as he pulls away, to go check on the cookies again, "Alrighty, I just wanted you to know."

You get a few moments of reprieve when he carefully pulls the cookies out of the oven. Looking over them proudly before turning to you with a smile, "So what should we do while we wait for them to cool?"

"I'm fine with whatever." You shrug, raising a brow as he responds to that with a giggle.

"Oh yeah? Then how would you feel about doing your distraction?" His voice is deep contrary to the airy giggle he had let out in a moment before. 

"I- What?!? You knew?" You stutter out and he's giggling again though slightly more flustered now, a light pink dusting over his cheeks.

"Well I had an inkling, but just now when we were talking I made sure my voice wasn't as deep and suddenly you weren't so distracted anymore." He admits and now it's your turn to feel your cheeks burning, scrambling for an excuse of which never comes.

"And you're not bothered by it?" Is all that comes out and he's quick to shake his head.

"Not at all. I'm flattered in fact. I've actually wanted to eat you out since you sat on the counter, but then my voice would probably be too muffled for you." Felix teases lightly, but he's certainly not wrong in his statement.

"Do you understand how wet I am right now? With all the talking you've done I've been dripping almost the entire time I've been here. I bet you'd slip right in with no problem right now if you wanted." You answer and he scoffs in disbelief.

"Oh is that so? Well then maybe we should find out." He grabs your wrist and drags you over to the couch, gently pushing you back onto it. Though you're almost immediately sitting up to pull your shirt off as he starts to do that himself. Both of you quickly stripping, “Shit you were right, you are soaked.” 

He chuckles, the sound having a hint of a growl in it that has you clenching around nothing as he slowly runs two fingers through your folds to collect some of your slick and bring it to his hard cock, coating the tip with it. The tip that he then brings to your folds and rubs through only to coat in even more of you before carefully slipping in with very little resistance.

“No wonder you were so distracted baby, I bet this was uncomfortable, wasn’t it? Don’t worry though, I’m going to give you what you want now.” Felix assures with a smirk, he still takes his time despite how easy it is for him to push in, not wanting it to truly hurt you at any point. 

“Felix, just fuck me.” You whine, moving your hips now to get the rest of him inside you in one more. The man threw his head back in a deep raspy moan. 

“Fine, but you asked for this baby.” He presses your legs further apart, leaning down by your ear as he starts thrusting quickly cursing into your ear each time you clench around him. The sound of his deep voice right into your ear makes you hyper sensitive, eyes fluttering shut and wiping your mind of any coherent thoughts as his cock presses against your spot with each thrust until you’re cumming around him quickly, having been pent up for so long. Though when he pulls out instead of continuing until he cums for you you’re whining. Something that makes him laugh a little again.

“Relax baby. I’m just satisfying my fantasy now that I’ve satisfied yours. Then I’ll use your pretty little pussy to make myself cum, don’t worry.”

If you enjoy my work please keep in mind how much time and effort goes into it and show support through comments and reblogs, or consider buying me a kofi. (Caffeine fuels the chaotic gremlin in me who creates content.)

[naranjapetrificada]

Izzy becomes a "real boy"

So obviously I haven't been able to shut up about the way Izzy has been written in season 2 and I stand by my disappointment and criticism, even knowing that the writers were given a herculean task of cramming 10 pounds of season into an 8 pound bag. Even knowing that, his "arc" such as it is has felt very off to a lot of people, present company included. I'm a cogitator at heart (thanks AuDHD!) and that can turn "make it make sense" into a prime directive sometimes. So here I am, trying once again.

I felt a particular way about Izzy after the end of season 1, which I would describe as "not especially strongly" because I primarily saw his character as a storytelling tool/useful foil more than anything else. But his presence and characterization in season 2 have been haunting me this time and not in a good way, because I've spent this season trying and failing to make it make sense. But something just occurred to me that I hope I can explain in a coherent way:

If season 1 Izzy was more a storytelling tool than anything else, maybe season 2 was an attempt to turn the puppet into a Real Boy. And if so, maybe things did not go as planned.

There are so, so many good posts going into the things that don't work about how Izzy has been handled this season, to the point that I'm not gonna try reinventing the wheel. Some of the reasons it hasn't worked for some of us include:

Much of his alleged growth apparently happening offscreen, most likely due to the reduced budget and episode count.

The lack of connective tissue between many of his scenes, some of which can be attributed to the previous point about corporate fuckery but other parts of which are hard to explain beyond "idk I guess the writers felt like it?"

The unfortunate connotations of sidelining nonwhite characters like Jim, who was the only character beyond the central pair to receive a detailed backstory, flashbacks, and a multi-episode character arc

The unchecked racialized comments he gets to drop about Edward (calling him a "wild dog" or seemingly mixing him up with Roach) that in season 1, would have resulted in violent retribution as a sign of the story's disapproval

The lines we get from Izzy that feel like they should have been said by other characters, and maybe that would have been based on the expectations of the show that we left season 1 with

The way it seems like Izzy's suffering is being used as a stand-in for actual moments of reflection or atonement, which is a pretty fucked up dynamic to set up as precursor to redemption

The way Izzy now gets to partake in the very behaviors he denigrated in Ed last season, which would be a cool and moving character beat if there was a single, solitary narrative acknowledgement in the harm caused by his treatment of Ed in s1e10. Ditto for him apparently just being cool with shit that once would have been his worst nightmare.

The fact that so many of these issues could have been addressed in a quick throwaway line or two that showed that the narrative understood what was wrong to reassure us all because by definition if a character is getting a redemption arc, it's because they did something wrong, right?

There's plenty more of course, but that's not why I made this post. I made this post because regardless of why the decision was made to handle Izzy this way this season, the attempt was made to flesh him out in ways that his role last season may not have been initially written for. Con's performance and certain production choices hinted at a depth to his character that may or may not have been on the page, but helped make for a pretty interesting season 1 antagonist.

For season 2 they decided to make Izzy a real boy, but the combination of a reduced budget, a lower episode count, and whatever creative darlings they couldn't seem to kill in order to give us more development of his transformation made sticking the landing impossible because we're lacking certain elements for basic comprehension.

Imagine you know almost nothing of the story of Pinocchio and someone starts up the Disney movie version of it for you but it's a weirdly edited version of it. There's no narration from Jiminy Cricket, mostly because there's no Jiminy Cricket at all. We see Geppetto crafting a wooden puppet, but not the part where he wishes for him to be a real boy, which makes it kinda weird to then see the part where the fairy brings him to life and says he can become a real boy but okay, let's go with it.

Now let's say the one thing you've always heard about the story is that Pinocchio's nose grows when he lies. So we get to the scene where he lies to the fairy but for whatever reason, his nose doesn't grow. No one comments on the inconsistency, and when you mention the nose thing all anyone wants to talk about is how great Pinocchio's nose looks.

Then Pinocchio goes to Pleasure Island and while the animation and acting seem great as usual, and the language of cinema appears to be setting up something dark on the horizon. Then Pinocchio's new friend Lampwick starts transforming into a donkey, this random well-dressed cricket shows up to admonish Pinocchio, and our puppet friend is randomly immune to the thing turning other kids into donkeys. No one comments on that either. Maybe Pinocchio even gloats about it a little, which seems like a weird storytelling decision that merits a follow up discussion later.

And I guess this is the part of this over-extended metaphor where you remember you have somewhere to be but you'll finish the film later, because as an audience we won't know how things shake out for season 2 Izzy until the finale. Presumably we'll still get the scene where he magically turns into a real boy, but there isn't exactly time for anything else like all that stuff with the whale. Maybe the real boy scene will happen, but for whatever reason the animator kept drawing him like the wooden puppet and every time you point it out no one will take you seriously.

Wouldn't that be a weird thing to experience?

[avintagekiss24]

—belated; bucky barnes

pairing: mob!bucky barnes x black!reader

word count: 4738

warnings: 18+ ONLY, smut, sex, rough sex, anal sex, biting kink, choking kink, spanking, pain kink, vaginal fingering, mean bucky (my fave), ring kink cuz i love it when boys wear rings

squares filled: @buckybarnesbingo Y3: Birthdays ; @badthingshappenbingo Biting ; @star-spangled-bingo N1: Taking Charge

request: bucky barnes + "pay attention to me or i'll make you" + anal + choking + spanking + biting + pain

author note: it's been foreverrrrr! i'm so sorry! i had to work myself through a little slump! hopefully this makes up for the almost two months we've gone without a fic! this is story #2 for my 5k celebration, all fics will be tagged #5k...holy god. this was formatted in the beta text post editor on desktop, if anything looks weird, that's why :)

gif by @pedropcl ; line divider by @firefly-graphics

James Buchanan Barnes is possessive.

One of those massive hands around the back of your neck as you walk casually through the streets. Fingers wrapped around your wrist, or shoulder, or hip in a tight grip. He pulls you in close— right into his side as shopping bags hang from the tips of his metal fingers.

Bucky Barnes wants every man on the streets of Greece to know that you are his.

Not that you mind; quite the contrary. You just smile and giggle when he throws his heavy arm around your shoulders and hooks the crease of his arm right underneath your chin. Slip your hand into the back pocket of his loose dark jeans (giving that little tush of his a squeeze). Slink your arm around his little waist and breathe in his scent— heavy and woodsy— as the two of you stroll.

After all, he’s just as much yours as you are his.

All of his friends, Sam, Steve, Clint, all see the change in him. The little soft spot for you that blinds him entirely— turns him in a mushy puddle of emotions and puppies and rainbows. Very different from the Bucky they grew up with, but a Bucky that the three of them have come to enjoy. It’s a change of pace from the enforcer they know.

The two of you don’t talk about his work— in fact, it’s the reason why you’re in Greece to begin with. A late birthday present to make up for the fact that his “work” just happened to be the waiter at the restaurant he chose to take you to for your thirty second birthday. Come on babe, he chuckled as you scowled back at him over the rim of your wine glass, watching as he stained his white napkin red with his bloody knuckles, you know what they say, kill two birds with one stone… not funny?

Two weeks, two nonrefundable, open ended tickets, and five grand in bikinis, shorts, and shoes later, you’re getting some much needed Greek sun on your deep brown skin.

He’s even letting you call the shots for a change. Letting you wake him up at the ass crack of dawn to have breakfast— a spread of breads, cheeses and fruits on the balcony of your room as the sun rises. He doesn’t say a word as you drag him through the city, stopping at each little boutique and shoe store. Sits patiently as you try on every dress, every skirt, and every silk top in the entire country it seems.

Bucky even bit his lip as you gazed at engagement rings— hinting that princess cut is your favorite as you held your hand up into the natural sunlight as one adored your finger. Smiling over at him and wiggling your eyebrows all the while as he narrowed his eyes and plastered a fake smile on his face.

Today has been like all the others, a lazy day spent on the beach, a quick nap underneath an umbrella, a concoction of too much sun and too many margaritas going straight to your head. Now, you’re kinda sleepy and kinda drunk, but most importantly hungry— and Mykonos sounds like a great place for dinner. Despite Bucky’s objections (you’re too tired and too drunk to handle a ferry), you’re dressed in a cute little flowery sundress, him in an out-of-character white tank top, open pale blue and green striped button down and khaki chinos— you forbade him from bringing anything black— and you’re flip flops are slapping against the cobblestone street towards the ferry.

“Drop your attitude,” You say, glancing over your shoulder as he pays for your tickets, “You owe me.”

“Yeah, yeah, that excuse is wearing thin, girl.” You stumble a little with the motion of the ferry as you step onto it, having to grab onto the railing to steady yourself before Bucky grabs hold of your wrist, “Water only for the rest of the night.”

His voice is low and borderline threatening as he presses his lips right against your ear, and you know not to press him any further. You like to stick your toes right up against his line and that’s what irritates him most about you (always what he loves most), but you and he both know you’d never dare cross it.

Bucky pulls you behind him, hand around your wrist, that possessive trait rearing its head as male eyes fall on you as the two of you pass by. He finds an empty spot, away from the crowd, and plops down on the bench as you step up on the lower rung of the railing and stare out over the sea.

Within twenty or thirty minutes, the ferry pulls away from the dock and you can’t wipe the smile from your face. The sun sets off in the distance, the bright lights of the city turning into little pinpoints. Small droplets of the cool, salty water splashes up in your face as the wind and the ferry whips it up. You keep glancing down at the phone in your hand as you broadcast your current view to your instagram, laughing softly as hearts and emojis explode on your screen.

You lean forward, tilting your phone and smiling wide, waving into the camera before you shout out how much you love it here. The words are barely out of your mouth before an arm wraps around your middle, a wide, hard chest pressed into your back, “That’s enough,” he reaches with his metal arm, grabbing your phone, ending your live feed, “You’re too drunk to be hanging off the side like that.”

“I am not,” you struggle against him lightly as he sets you on your feet, “What is your problem?”

“I’m annoyed.”

“Well, duh. Why?”

He slips your phone into his pocket and crosses his arms over his chest, sharp blue eyes piercing into yours, “Pay attention to me,” he says low, eyes dropping down your body real slow as he drags his bottom lip between his teeth, “Or I’ll make you.”

So that’s what it’s about. Bucky Barnes feels neglected between all the shopping and beach days and margaritas. Jealousy is cute on him.

The words though, they strike you right to your core— feel them down to your bones. A hard swallow pushes through your throat as your lips part, big brown eyes softening as your breath starts to rush a little harder. You hate to admit— not really— you love this Bucky. This is work Bucky, a man you rarely get to see. Slightly scary, anger brimming just below the surface. Jaw tight, eyes hard, head tilted just a bit. He’s menacing, and it makes your lips twitch into a small smile.

Shrugging defiantly, you cross your arms over your chest, “You didn’t pay much attention to me on my birthday.”

“Not true.”

“Not true?” you nearly shout, eyes going wide, “I ate alone while you beat the hell outta our waiter behind the building! I had to wait two hours for my slice of cake!”

“How is that my fault?”

You scoff, “Oh, I dunno, maybe because our waiter was spitting out his teeth in the alley out back— all thanks to you.”

“I have to work. You know that.”

“Not,” you hiss, “On my fucking birthday.”

He knows he’s wrong for that shit, so he stands there, huffing quick before he cocks his head again and just blinks back at you— unamused. He won’t apologize, it’s just not in his nature, but his usual attempts to make you happy after he’s fucked up aren’t working; so he’s at a loss.

And you’re enjoying that. A little too much if you ask him.

But alas, it’s not fun to fight on vacation, and you have taken far too many liberties when it comes to his tolerance for attitude. It’s been fun— and you’re just drunk enough to push him one last time.

You move slow, walking right up to him, so close that each inhale pushes your tits into his body. The smirk quirked up on your lips grows as you peer up at him, eyes bouncing between his as you place your hands on his forearms still crossed over his chest.

Bucky lifts his eyebrow as you push up on your tiptoes and push your chin forward to bring your lips close to his, “And just how are you gonna make me pay attention to you, James?”

He inhales deep, pushes it out real slow as he tilts his head even further. A smile spreads on his face and you just know that this is the last thing his work sees before he rearranges the bones of their face. This is exactly why his clients pay him as well as they do.

Thick fingers are wrapped around your wrist again, nails digging into your skin as he starts to pull you behind him. He weaves you through bodies, you nearly having to jog to keep up with his strides. Laughter bubbles up in your chest, a little shriek escaping as he pulls you down some stairs to the lower level of the ferry. Once your feet hit the last step, Bucky whips you around his body, sending you spinning and laughing until you bounce into an old, rusty metal barrel.

The smell of salt fills your nose and lungs as you inhale, covering your face with your hands. Your skin is hot, lips slightly numb as you dissolve into laughter again. He’s right, you’re a little too drunk for this.

“I don’t think we’re supposed to be down here.” You mumble, brushing your wild hair out of your face.

“I could give a fuck,” he answers, stepping up to you, grabbing your face in his hands, “You’ve been testing me the entire time we’ve been here all over some stupid shit.”

Another giggle pushes through your lips as you bat your eyes, “I wouldn’t dare, Mr. Barnes.”

Bucky sucks his teeth as he drops his metal hand around your throat and squeezes gently, the rings on his fingers cool against your skin, “I was stupid, okay? But don’t put on that little innocent act, girl. You’re trying me, and I’ve had enough.”

A smile cracks onto your face, teeth sinking into your bottom lip. You wrap both hands around his one wrist and slip them up his arm, feeling the soft metal as you continue to goad him, “You got some proof, big man?”

The tip of his black and gold thumb prods at your lip, pushes just inside. You wrap your tongue around it and suck gently, keeping your eyes on his all the while.

Bucky laughs, deep and earnestly, “Proof, she says. She needs proof.” He glances around before he spins you quick, facing you away from him as he lifts your dress to reveal your pink satin thong.

You squeal loud, pushing and slapping at his hand as he grabs a handful of your ass, “Bucky! There’s people!” you laugh, “Oh my god!”

“Keep your voice down,” he warns, wrapping his metal fingers around your throat again, “Understand?”

A jolt of electricity flashes through you as you wiggle in his grasp. He tightens his grip around your neck as you wrap your fingers around the edge of the barrel, swallowing hard.

“That requires an answer, honey.”

The chill in his voice, added with the slow circles and soft tickles of fingertips against the back of your naked thigh sends a pang through your belly, “I understand.”

He chuckles soft and with a quick peck on the cheek whispers, “Good girl.”

Bucky curls his left arm around your chest, hooking your chin in the crease of his arm as he grips your right shoulder. You grab on to it with both hands, out of instinct, eyes wide and skirting around for any signs of other human presence down here. Bucky turns, moving you with him to eye the steps quickly again before that flesh hand sweeps around to the front.

The soft material of your dress falls over his hand as he rubs your stomach— his rings catching and snagging your skin. That hand pushes downward, over your thighs, gripping and kneading the soft flesh before he grabs the hem of your dress and pulls it upward, exposing those expensive panties again.

“Bucky,” you hum, his name trembling on your lips with the vibrations of your excitement, “Baby.”

He rucks your dress right up— right up around your waist and pulls the slack behind you, pressing his body into yours to keep it in place. The dark stubble adorning his cheeks and chin cuts into the side of your face as he nuzzles in, humming to himself soft before he kisses the corner of your mouth.

Those fingertips start to trace the hem of your thong— slowly. Back and forth, back and forth. From hip to hip. Your eyes flutter. Fingers grip the soft black metal of his arm a little harder. Legs go to jelly as another hard swallow passes through your throat.

“Ain’t got all that mouth now, do you?” He whispers, fingers slipping just inside the silk of your panties to tease the delicate skin underneath.

When he slips his hand in— all the way in— cupping hot skin, fingers dancing between folds and teasing a wet slit, an influx of air fills your lungs. A gasp, small and clipped sounds in the back of your throat as his fingers start a rhythm. You melt into him, head resting on his shoulder as your hips push forward to meet greedy fingers.

A naughty finger pushes in quick, and then a second— all the way to the black and silver rings dressed on them. His arm tightens around your neck as he presses his lips right against your ear, “You need to apologize.”

He fucks his fingers into you, withdrawing slow, and then pushing back in— each time the edges of his rings stopping him from going deeper. You can’t help but purr as you continue to grip his arm with both of your hands.

“I don’t think—“

“All I want to hear,” his words clip yours, each one slow and drawn and deep, “Is I’m sorry for testing your patience. I won’t do it again.” He curls his fingers, the pads stroking that sweet little spongey spot, making you clamp your legs closed around his hand, “Let me hear you.”

You can’t. You won’t. Too stubborn and too drunk to give in to him, wanting to win just this once.

If there’s one thing James Buchanan Barnes does not like, it’s hesitation. It’s dangerous, he always says. You think too long, you get hurt. Predators don’t hesitate.

Well, you like being his prey.

Only a few seconds pass before Bucky tuts in your ear, seemingly disappointed in your obstinate behavior, but you both know it’s just the opposite. His cock pressing into your ass tells you so.

The fingers disappear. The arm choking you just right pulls away and your dress falls back around the middle of your thighs. You huff, wiping quick at your forehead and pushing your wild, curly hair out of your face again.

Your hands find your hips in irritation but he slaps them away quick as he sucks his teeth, “You must really want this spanking, girl. Keep it up.”

That you do— keep it up. Huffing again. Crossing your arms over your chest like a petulant child. Brown eyes cut back at him over your shoulder to find sharp blues already on you. A smirk on his face.

Metal fingers curl around the back of your neck, pushing you forward gently until your thighs press against the old metal barrel again.

“Lean forward, kitten.”

Voice as smooth as silk while you do so, gripping the rusted edges for balance. Your dress is yanked up again— rough this time— and twisted around his Vibranium hand. Then there’s warm, the warmth of skin against yours. Gentle brushes of fingers and a palm rubbing slow circles, then pinching and grabbing soft— prepping your skin for what’s to come.

He pauses for just a second, no doubt to scan your surroundings and then pulls his hand away. You lung forward with the slap he levels to your behind within a fraction of a second— the sound sharp and heavy.

There’s another, and then a third in quick succession before he’s massaging your skin again. Real soft and sweet. Tears burn at the back of your eyes at the sting that radiates through, all the way to your bones but the molten heat deep in your belly spreads like a fire. Each breath is hard and shaky, heart thumping against your chest but it’s so good.

Bucky switches to the other cheek, skilled fingers sweeping over your canvas of skin before he cracks you— one, two, three.

You squeal with each one. The thud of those heavy rings around his fingers send a quick, new shockwave every time, building on the one before it. The tips of your fingers go red from holding on to the rusty old barrel as tight as you are, but your brain? She’s fuzzy and warm, and drifting up into the clouds with each swift slap.

Bucky is a methodical man. Three for the right cheek, three for the left, three right in the middle. His hand sneaks around your hip, giving it a squeeze before it comes back around and drops to the inside of your thigh. Grabs the meat of it— digs his fingernails in just to hear you yelp. Cups your cunt in his palm, feeling the heat and the wet— makes him groan all low and dirty.

He bunches your hair in his hand, tugs you up by it. Spins you around to face him before hoisting you up and settling you on top of the barrel.

“You want me to fuck you so bad, don’t you?” He growls, ripping at the button and zipper of his jeans.

You just hum in response, wrapping your legs around his waist and throwing your arms over his shoulders.

Bucky grabs your chin, forcing it up before he squeezes your cheeks, “Huh? Answer me.”

Damp eyelashes flutter as hot air escapes from parted, hot lips. He leans in real close, cock pushing right at your slit and kisses you hard as he slips his arm around your waist. He breaks away quick, sloppy and loud before pecking your lips once, twice, three times again.

“You want me to fuck you, girl?”

The weight of his words are felt right down to your core, a shiver passing between the two of you. You let your heavy head fall back and your eyes close as Bucky nuzzles into the side of your face, his pretty white teeth skipping along your neck, nipping and nibbling.

“I want you to fuck me,” you whisper after mere seconds, finally submitting in this cat and mouse game, “Bucky, please.”

That’s all he needs— all he wants. For you to submit, after letting you have the reins for one day too long. He sinks into you slow, spreading you open with each inch, biting down into the side of your neck as he bottoms out. His teeth dig in a little deeper, a little harder as he starts to move, rocking back and forth almost succinct with the waves of the water.

You’re moving with him too, meeting each of his thrusts with your hips. You keep your legs tight around his waist, feet dangling and bouncing against the back of his thighs. A trail of hot kisses are pressed along your neck and down your shoulder before traipsing back up— teeth grazing along your jaw.

Long fingers skip up your side and between your bouncing tits to only wrap around your neck again. They squeeze, gently, as his pace starts to pick up, hips shoving harder and faster— that old barrel starting to scrape against the wood floor.

The force makes you louder, moaning with abandon as if the two of you are all alone on this little ferry. Bucky makes quick work of you, shoving metal fingers into your mouth— giving you something to suck on to keep you quiet.

“That’s a good girl.” he growls, voice gritty and low.

He’s punishing after that. Each snap of his hips thrusting you backward, the barrel you’re on top of tipping back and then slapping down on the floor. You yelp with each one, your mouth going slack around his digits as your hands fall to the edges of the barrel for some semblance of balance.

It’s obscene, the way you can hear your fuck. The wet of your cunt. The squeak of his cock plunging into tight, slick muscles. The heavy thud of his hips pounding into yours. The slap of your flip flops falling to the wood floor as he’s quite literally fucked them right off of your feet. It’s filthy— crude— and so very Bucky.

You’re back on your feet before you know it— before you realize it. Spun back around, Bucky’s hard chest and stomach pressed into your back. He grabs both of your hands and places them back on the barrel, his metal hand staying on top of yours, fingers gripping fingers.

Eager hips wiggle back into his as you hiss and sink your teeth into your bottom lip, groaning low. Your head drops when you feel his cock push through your ass cheeks— wet cockhead pressing against your hot rim.

He starts to fumble around behind you, each passing second making you more and more impatient. There’s a soft click, and then a light suction sound— something squeezing.

“Bucky,” you hiss, pushing back into him again, “Hur—”

The word breaks off right in the middle as he levels a quick smack against your hip— a warning. Then your ass cheeks are pulled apart, wet, slimy fingers sliding and prodding at your quivering rim. He brushes slow strokes, circling, pressing his fingers gently as he preps your little hole for what’s to come.

“What kind of freak brings lube to dinner?” you smile, gasping as he pinches the inside of your thigh.

You lurch forward when he grabs the back of your neck and yanks you back into him, lips right against your cheek, “The kinda freak that was gonna fuck you in an alley after dinner. Now shut that mouth.”

He’s pressing again, this time harder, his cockhead popping into you with force. You grunt with the initial intrusion, Bucky stopping his assault to allow you time to adjust to him— but that doesn’t last long. Your mouth goes slack again. Eyes slam shut, head falls forward as he slips in, deeper and deeper and deeper until his stomach is flush with your ass.

He wiggles— so you can feel him, feel him tickling the deepest part of you. Slaps at your ass again, quick, fingers glancing off your skin and leaving behind a hell of a sting. Then he’s fucking you again, slower this time, savoring the tight, glove-like hold your body provides.

Metal fingers grab at the hem of your dress again, tugging it up before they push back into your panties, finding a swollen, hot nub. Pinching and rubbing smooth circles against it, flicking and thrashing at the bundle of nerves before he shoves his fingers back into your cunt. They curl, those fingers, and pet your insides with surgical precision— only James Buchanan Barnes knows how to fuck you like this.

The heel of his palm slams against your clit as he fingers you rough and fucks your ass with gusto. Sleazy sounds gurgle up in your throat, the slapping of skin and the waves crashing against the side of the ferry, the rush of the wind filling your ears. Bucky pulls you flush against him and slithers his tongue just beneath your ear before his teeth grab a hold, tugging soft.

Teeth keep nipping— along your jaw, your cheeks, ears, neck. He fucks into you hard as he shoves his flesh hand into the neckline of your dress, gripping your tits. Pinching and kneading hard, thick nipples, mumbling sweet nothings all the while.

Your stomach churns, muscles tensing and flexing as synapses start to fire off in quick succession. Quick goosebumps pop up along your skin as your stomach tightens and you can taste it it’s so close. Bucky knows it, feels it as your walls constrict around his fingers, your asshole tightening around him. Vibranium fingers keep rubbing, keep fucking into your pussy hard, palm slapping against your clit, adding more and more pressure until the coil snaps.

It’s hard, and sudden— your body freezing as your orgasm consumes you. Bucky clamps a wet hand over your mouth as you mewl and bite into his palm, your hips thrusting forward with each wave of your release. He pulls his fingers from you to slap at your jumping clit, pressing the pads into it before he rubs quick little circles and then slaps at it again.

He drops his hand to your chin, yanking it up as you nearly cry, mewling and trembling with your release to kiss you hard and sloppy as you come. He kneads your tits with his mammoth hand as aftershocks flash through you, your used body jerking at random. Within seconds, there's a cloud of warmth in your ass. Rough grunts in your ear, growing louder with each spurt of his cock, your hot muscles milking him.

You let him use you, let him fill you up full of his silk. Grab his hands and lace your fingers with his as he empties long ribbons in you. Pull his arms around your waist and hold them there as he rides it out, his head falling to your shoulder. The two of you stand there, resting against that old barrel, breathing hard, skin sticky and balmy. Salt from the ocean in your nose.

Bucky’s the first to pull away, glancing back at the stairs before he pulls himself gingerly from you, leaving your body empty, a dribble of his come slipping out with him. He catches it with his fingers, drags them up the back of your thigh and between your ass cheeks before he shrugs out of his collared shirt and white tank top.

He cleans you up sweet with the tank top. Keeps his arm around your waist to steady you as he wipes at your thighs and your hot, sticky, puffy cunt, shushing you soft when you jump and whimper at the contact. He flings the messy tank top over the side of the ferry and rubs your hips and stomach real slow, murmuring into your ear all the while.

Diligent fingers then rearrange your thong— and cop a little feel, cupping your sensitive, swollen sex, giving it a little pinch so he can laugh when you shiver and squeak. Bucky pulls your dress, tugging lightly to get it back straight around your waist before smoothing it over your ass and thighs— even pulls at the top, making sure your tits are sitting pretty.

You can’t even open your eyes, overcome by alcohol and sleepiness and a post sex high. He fumbles with your fingers as your head lulls on his shoulder, a soft hum vibrating in your throat in your murky haze. Bucky lifts your arm by the elbow, sliding his hand up your forearm until he’s cupping your hand in his.

“Open your eyes, baby.” You groan in protest, causing a chuckle to rumble through his chest, “Come on.”

So you do. You always do whatever this man wants you to do— and there, right on your finger sits that big princess cut engagement ring you teased him with days before.

“How about we skip dinner and find a church, huh?” he whispers, kissing your cheek soft and sweet.

You glance at him over your shoulder, eyes wet as a smirk tugs at the corners of your mouth, “And if I say no?”

“You just can’t help yourself, can you?” He laughs as you adjust in his arms, pushing up on your tiptoes to cup his handsome face and kiss him on those pretty pink lips, “Then I guess I’ll have to fuck some sense into that pretty mouth of yours, won’t I birthday girl?”

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Hi momdad! I hope you’re having a wonderful day so far.

So I kind of needed your advice on something. I’ve been attending university for a few years now and I’ve been friends with this girl for most of that time. And well, recently she kind of ditched me for this clique I suppose, that’s like a bunch of really cool and well known people and well, I’m really shocked. She’d been dropping hints for like 2 days I guess but still, I didn’t think she’d just ditch me for a shiny new friend group like that. The thing is, our friendship was very much due to circumstances, like when you befriend someone because you see them every day and tbh I don’t think we’d be friends if we weren’t classmates. But it was mostly a good friendship you know? We were respectful and we had our fun. So I’ve been feeling awful but on the other hand I know this is a good thing, she wasn’t the greatest friend, it felt like I was her therapist while I could barely talk about my problems with her. And I always spent so much time on getting her really well thought out gifts and the things she got me were so impersonal, like she didn’t know me at all. She would spill other people’s secrets to me even when I told her not to. And she would talk behind other people’s back in a really mean spirited way and I was just scared of standing up to her. She was also like really homophobic (very fun for a closeted bisexual like myself btw) and I don’t know, she had such a hot and cold personality, it always felt like I was walking on eggshells around her and like I could never really be myself around her and I know I’m not perfect obviously, I can be a bit blunt and blurt out things that are hurtful even though I don’t mean to upset people and I know I’m not the most affectionate person, even though I try. And I know the fact that I was willing to stick it out with her just so I wouldn’t be alone doesn’t reflect well on me at all and basically makes me look like a doormat. But I was so afraid of being lonely and not having friends. Which is what happened anyway I guess. But again, I’m so so scared of being alone. And the fact that I’m more upset about being alone than the fact that she won’t really be in my life anymore tells me all I need to know. I’ve been trying to have a positive outlook on this whole thing and I’m trying to be excited about having the chance to go out there and make new friends that match my personality better but the thing is I’m not the best at making friends, I’m really shy and introverted and it feels like everyone’s already made their friends and won’t be in need of more of them. I am friendly with a lot of people just no one that’s like a close friend like her. So I don’t know, I’ve been having a really bad time, I’ve lost my appetite and I can’t really concentrate while studying. I just feel so unlovable, like there’s something inherently wrong with me. So I’ll appreciate any words of advice that you might have for me💗 I’m really sorry this got so long.

hey there, sweetheart, i'm so sorry you're going through this hard time. i spent a long time struggling to make friends and feeling lonely, so i can definitely relate.

first off, i think you kinda dodged a bullet with losing this 'friend', and it sounds to me like deep down you know that too. i don't want to judge a young person too harshly, but at the very least, it sounds like she has a LOT of growing up she needs to do and right now she just isn't a very pleasant person to be around.

i understand being lonely and not having friends, i promise, but i've also learned that alone, as much as it sucks, is a lot better than being with the wrong people. and that ultimately, no matter how many friends you do gain, part of growing up is learning how to make peace with being alone. some people never learn how to just sit with themselves, and it causes them a lot of problems. if you can start facing that challenge early in life, you'll be ahead.

second of all, i'm just going to be blunt with this: i think there's a good chance you're autistic. don't just take my word for it, but my autism radar started beeping like crazy while i read your message, and i think it would explain a whole lot about what you're dealing with.

now, please understand that "autistic" isn't an insult or some kind of prison sentence. autism is just being a bit different, like having a brain that runs on a different operating system. sometimes that's cool, sometimes it causes problems when interacting with the world, but it's neither inherently good or bad, it just is.

i didn't realize i was autistic until i was in my 20s, and while kind of a shock, it actually turned out to be a huge relief, because it allowed me the chance to say "there's not something wrong with me, i'm just autistic. i'm not weird or crazy, other people like me feel the same way."

since i could go on for ages on this topic, i'd suggest you check out my autism traits tag and see what you think. if i'm wrong, no big deal, forget about it, but if you relate really hard to what you find there, then it might go a really long way to helping you understand yourself.

but, all that said, i'm not trying to pathologize you or 'explain away' your feelings. believe me, i totally get how you feel. i didn't have any real friends until i met my qpp when i was 17 (and we've been best friends for 17 years, go us), and high school was a humiliatingly lonely experience for me. i was always trying to be friends with other kids, and they'd say vaguely nice things about me, but never actually try to spend time with or talk to me. it made me feel just awful.

looking back, i have a lot of compassion for myself, because making friends IS hard when you're shy and introverted (and especially when you're autistic too), when people are generally nice to you but don't make any offers to become better friends. if i could give you a little advice, it'd be to speed up the process and go ahead and have some compassion for yourself now, because you're young and still figuring life out and this isn't easy and it's making you feel awful about yourself. that's a situation that deserves some compassion, don't you think?

remember that compassion isn't the same as pity. you're not "feeling sorry for yourself" if you just look at your situation and say, yeah, this is hard and i'm struggling. it makes sense for me to feel bad when i'm struggling with something hard.

but another piece of advice that i'd give is for you to always, always remember that no matter how they present themselves outwardly, everyone around you is wrestling with their own insecurities. the 'friend' who abandoned you? she really wants those cool people in the clique to like her. even those cool people in the clique are insecure.

everyone is insecure, especially the people who are trying the hardest to seem like they aren't. that's just how humans work. we're all scared deep down inside.

so while it's hard, and anxiety-inducing, i promise that there are tons of people around you who also want more friends, but are posturing and trying to seem cool, because who wants to LOOK like they need friends, right? the truth is, most people (who aren't jerks) are really happy to receive attention and to be asked to do something like go to lunch or go see a movie.

even more than that, people LOVE talking about themselves, so if you have an acquaintance that you'd like to get to know better, try asking a few friendly questions about their hobbies or style or pets or what they're studying. if you don't know what to ask about, you could say, "hey have you seen any good shows lately? i'm looking for something new to watch." that can easily start a fun chat, and once you've had a fun chat it's easier to have another one.

now, i don't want you to end up in another friendship where you're the one doing all the work all the time, so try to direct these efforts to someone who will ask you questions in return and seem interested in what you have to say. i'm not judging you for how you let your friend treat you, not at all, i just don't want you to let everyone treat you like that.

i know it's frightening and difficult, but socializing takes practice, like everything in life. it's okay to make flubs and embarrass yourself, i promise it's not the end of the world. just try talking to people, okay? especially if you relate to them and share similar interests. i have a social skills tag that might be helpful too.

if i could manage to find my best friend by commenting on her phantom of the opera fanfic on fanficion.net in 2005, you can find one too. <3

[syubub]

Hoseok soulmate reading

Let's get the disclaimer out of the way: This is for entertainment purposes only and shouldn't be taken as fact! This is my interpretation of the cards.

Oki. Before we begin I must say... I put this off as long as possible. For those of you who have followed me for a while, you know that hobi is THE HARDEST to connect with and tbh this was no different. I'll probably revisit this reading again at a different time (you'll see why)

So. To start things off... Hope has some.. strange(?) energy. His energy was really vague and weak. The color too is intresting because its 100% not a color I've ever seen and I'm not sure if something is afflicting the color of his energy? Its ruby red but also deep grey blue? Its really strange and honestly pretty but it doesn't feel like the normal color? The color is usually a nice red with some deeper hints but...Its usually a bit more... lively? It just feels dull right now.

It looks like this right now but with a little more red? Its really peculiar.

Now. Idk maybe some shit is going on with him right now? Or maybe bc there was a fuckin lunar eclipse in Gemini last night? Idk but the energy was a little.. hostile. That's not a bad thing but it kinda felt like he was being broody? Its all really strange but he was not very into the reading (more so than usual) blah blah he didn't want to talk and I asked some questions I probably shouldn't have and some stuff happened. Long story short his soulmate(?) Showed up and pushed our foreheads together so we'd have to connect.

I asked his soulmate if they could tell me what the fuck was going on and they said that they don't know him well. Idk if that means that they don't know him well on a soul level? I'll get into this more later but this feels like something that's already been concluded or comes back up from time to time.

"He's pretty closed off huh?" Yes soulmate. He is.

I asked for more info about them and they said May. I was like cool, is that your name or? "Nah" sick is that like you're birthday? "Not really" cool cool cool.

They did say that he deserves better than what he has. I'm gonna leave it at that but hobi is possibly going through some shit.

Now we can get onto the reading part. I do want to say though, this reading felt very disconnected and weird? Just like somethings off and I have a feeling that this soulmate is more of the "life lesson" type soulmate?

Oki. We have temperance, chariot, two of cups, queen of coins. This is a person who is definitely motivated and driven and 100% a business savy human. They are also very likely loyal and know how to balance work and play time very very well. Is well-off (or materialistic) lol. There's a very ride or die energy that tells me this person is the type of friend that will do anything for you but when you do stupid shit then you get a stern talking to. Idk why but it also feels lonely? Like they're on their own journey to find themselves and their path/happiness/self and if it doesn't fit in the wagon then it gets left behind. This person might move too fast and miss out on important things because they're always chasing after something. They take "its not the destination that matters but the journey that does" to a whole new level and they just never stop to enjoy the scenery bc they'd rather get the rush of newness.

As for their relationship. As I said before I think this soulmate specifically is the "life lesson" type and could definitelybe a platonicsoulmate too. The kind that provides you with an opportunity for growth. With the 5 of swords rev. I kinda think that this could be someone from either a past life or back in a less favorable time. The fool card to me makes me thin that this relationship provides a sense of being born again? Its that newness of having a new perspective and a whole new understanding of self. With the magician rev. Its about issues with communication i.e not being able to get across your needs and desires for both of them and a lack of energy to figure it out. I also feel like this was just something that they didn't fix and didn't want to fix. (I'm talking in past tense bc this reading feels like its someone from the past) This card also talks about deception. I'm not gonna go into this much. With the 3 of wands though!! Yay! This talks about progress and I feel like this points to them learning more and more about who they are and what they truly want. They're kinda like lines that were moving towards eachother, intersected and then continued going in their own direction. Its like this time together was formative in who they are as people and what they dream of! And with the father of cups it does seem that over all the relationship was/is (I don't know how to talk about this) relatively balanced and they had/have respect for eachother. This card specifically is about balanced emotions and emotional intelligence and I think that this is what they gain from this relationship.

Moving right along we have the oracle cards! Stand by you commitment, financial healing, unconventionality, socialize or join in and sensitive emotions. The flower cards are from hobi to soulmate and the others are from soulmate to hope. Now. Maybe his soulmate went through a failed business venture that they're recovering from or just general money trouble bc the whole world is being fucked over by a virus. Either way hobi is very strong in the message of commitment (that makes me think that its specifically about business or something they started but never finished) onto cards for Hope. He might kinda be going through the shitty times and his soulmates advice is to not isolate and celebrate himself more. He might be having some issues related to self image or a soul-identity crisis? Idk but hobi needs that good good self care and love.

Now the two unicorn cards. Those are also from his soulmate to hope about some personal shit and I will be leaving that out because its not my fucking business. (Hobi is fine don't worry)

Woo wee lets get on to traits! First for zodiac sign. Earth, fire, air. Possible Libra and Taurus placements.

Tiny cards. Light hair, dark hair, sweet, extrovert, hard working, tall, business oriented, loud, fate, sorry, open, faith, happy, wait.

First off I get brown hair vibes (maybe medium brown?)

The word cards sound like his soulmate trying to give him a pep talk so I pulled an affirmation card that says in stillness I receive. I think hobi is going through some soul stuff and I'm not sure if this specificly translates into his life right now (though I think it does and he's repressing it or hopefully he's sorting it out on his own privately)

Oki oki oki. Idk why but it also might be that hobi is doing work to heal his inner child? I honestly don't know whats going on or if its affecting him in his day to day life at this time but I want to come back and do this reading at a time that he might be in a better energy space?

Hobi is ALWAYS hard to read and its even harder when he's less open than usual.

I'll get another soulmate read from hobi at some point and see if I can catch a "future/current romantic soulmate"

I am confused 😕

Also!! I have a Ko-fi now! I'll drop the link here but its in my bio! Absolutely no pressure but its there for people who want to tip me and were looking for a way to support me! (Also, I'm not taking readings through ko-fi so please don't drop money and request a reading there.)

Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/syubub

[jamesbi-canonbarnes]

I'm having trouble connecting the emotional through line between episodes 2 and 3. In the therapy session Sam tells Bucky they can just finish the mission and then they're done with each other, after that it seems like things have cooled a bit and Bucky even starts to say, "I feel awful" before they get interrupted by Walker. Then in 3 things seems relatively fine between and they even (especially Sam) show some concern for the other?? And Bucky totally still not trying to understand Sam's POV

Ok ok mood. I’m not an expert on writing, but I do have lots of thoughts on this, so lemme talk this through w you (long post ahead). Some of these thoughts are going to be theorizing super hard about what’s going to happen in future eps so for sure take that with a grain of salt.

IMO for a show where the most interesting thing is literally just the emotional states of these two men and how they relate to each other through those emotions, their emotional arcs are not nearly pointed enough for my taste...I suspect that’s partly because we’re pulled back and forth between the more lighthearted banter and the more heartfelt expressions of their internal lives. But also bc, I think, the whole thing is that these two CANT communicate because if they DO, their emotional states will reach RESOLUTION too quickly.

And IMO, I actually think it’s the therapy scene alone that is throwing the balance off leading up to 3. I didn’t feel like threatening not to ever see each other again was earned, or at least it wasn’t clear to me where it’s coming from writing-wise. (Not that I wouldn’t support Sam cutting himself off from the toxicity of someone else’s unfair expectations, if this were real life and not a function of a written story). It just feels too far a swing of the pendulum compared to directly before and after. Sam just saved Bucky, and yes he never got to finish railing Bucky over Isaiah, but *because* that argument didn’t hit its crux, I don’t think it’s enough for most viewers to explain the kind of statement Sam makes in the therapy scene. Yes Sam does keep shutting Bucky down in a lot of ways, but we also know that before Bucky confronted him in episode 2, he was doing the opposite and trying to reach out to Bucky. So it feels a bit confusing to me. I don’t know what Sam wants, besides to be left alone, and that itself feels neither genuine nor like good enough motivation on a character level for this story. So. In lieu of any other story reason, I guess I think Sam’s reaction in the therapy scene is a way to artificially raise the emotional stakes so that the eventual resolution is more satisfying. That’s the only thing I can think, although if that’s the case, they started building back up extremely quickly.

Bc you’re absolutely correct, immediately after that therapy scene, Bucky is upset but clearly wants to communicate that to Sam, contrary to any agreement to squash it and move on. And though there’s no time for dialogue then, they approach walker/Hoskins essentially a united (though frustrated) front. And then after that and all through ep 3, though they are functionally on opposite sides of the entire zemo argument in every way, Sam basically rolls over repeatedly throughout and actually ends up expressing more care for Bucky than we’ve previously seen and also opens up to him more... and IMO bucky breaking zemo out of prison without asking and with clear premeditation was a major violation of trust, for which Sam was not afforded the opportunity to express proportional ire. (For me Bucky’s speech there asking Sam to do it for him did not hit as reasonable motivation for sam). You would think after the level of ire sam expressed to bucky’s genuine (though self centered) vulnerability in the therapy session, the level of ire to bucky’s lies and even “betrayal” (as I see it) would be notable. It should be at least above essentially saying “you’re dead to me once your usefulness runs out” which I think is the dark but fair implication of “let’s just finish this and never speak again” or whatever he said in the therapy scene. Instead he says a reluctant version of “ok, I’ll do exactly what I just explicitly said I didn’t want to do, just because you asked.”

The thing is, clearly neither of them actually hate each other. They have both repeatedly shown genuine care for the other. So why is the animosity even happening?

The emotional throughlines should help us figure that out, and vice versa. So what I’m thinking is, a throughline has to have a beginning and an end, and figuring out those can help you figure out what the points in the middle should be. Here the beginning of Bucky’s emotional throughline w Sam is clearly from a starting point of straight up misplacing his grief and aggression onto Sam, bc he’s projecting Sam as the distant figurehead of stability to replace Steve. His not understanding Sam on a personal level is the primary obstacle to his realizing and resolving that entire emotional throughline, thus the end point of the throughline necessarily requires passing through Bucky understanding Sam’s POV and empathizing with Sam. In my prediction, that empathy leads to self actualization through purposefully accessing his own feelings (rather than letting his blocked emotions break through and then ignoring both the cause and consequences of them). Then he can start down a path of true restitution leading to his own healing through healing his relationships.

IMO bucky has never hated Sam. He has always fully just been jealous of him. Jealous of how happy he is, how few problems he pretends to have, and his relationship with Steve, if you want to go there.

So because Bucky does not hate Sam, there isn’t really anywhere to go after hitting the mark of seeing Sam’s POV... besides, essentially, restitution as resolution. Bc it’s through that realization>restitution that Bucky’s going to have to face the actual issue, of who he actually hates. Only then can he heal. He doesn’t have to forgive Sam. He has to forgive himself. So that he can restore himself, which he can only do after restoring Sam.

(And, if they’re really going to go there, he has to forgive Steve. I’m unsure if that’s going to be directly drawn for us or not)

I think that bucky’s throughline will resolve itself relatively quickly after Sam gets what he needs from Bucky, hence why he can’t have it yet. So in the meantime, Bucky comes off as frankly a bad friend who is self absorbed/entitled and unwilling to unlearn white supremacy bc it requires uncomfortable empathy with a Black man.

Sam’s emotional throughline as filtered through how he relates to Bucky is a little harder for me to grasp, I’ll be honest. Obviously the end point the emotional throughline has to underline is accepting the mantle of captain America (accepting himself?) So maybe that is woven among the throughline of his journey to accepting Bucky as an ally??, but I’m not sure what the starting point even is to be honest.

I do think that what is clearer (at least to me, and maybe this is only applicable to me?) about Sam is that we as the informed audience already know an important part of why he gave up the shield. It’s very much about race. Sam has not expressed that to Bucky, but we know it. Bucky has no idea that this is about race—or more accurately, that’s it’s about trauma regarding race. He hasn’t connected Sam’s ultimate motivation to Sam’s statements and experience re: race. Sam has certainly expressed anger and hurt, but he hasn’t connected them to race and then to the symbol of captain America for Bucky, whereas they’re already connected for many viewers. I’m not going to give Bucky a pass for not connecting them because that type of ignorance is not neutral. But he clearly does not know, and he DOES keep asking. He has asked multiple times in words why Sam gave up the shield. But instead of giving a direct answer, Sam continues to shut him down, each time literally by refusing to speak and walking away. Now I tend to agree with Sam that it’s none of his business. Sam shouldn’t have to bare his trauma to explain something to Bucky just because Bucky wants him to. Especially when Bucky has not indicated that he’s willing or able to empathize with the reason. And on top of that, it being something sam knows Bucky cannot fully understand? I mean, I’m on Sam’s side here.

But the thing is, the show is setting it up so that Sam has to open up. He has to let Torres touch his machinery (metaphorically) he has to let Bucky get close to him (metaphorically). Sam has to let others in and he has to do it for himself, for his own healing. But I’m not yet sure why that’s so important for his journey, besides the obvious being this is a story about how to heal from trauma from every side.

So right now I think we’re just seeing Sam continue to drop hints both about what his trauma is and about the fact that he cares for Bucky, bc those are the important things for his resolution. This is continuing despite the therapy scene and not because of it, which I find odd, from a writing perspective. And we’re seeing Bucky miss a lot of those hints, bc he’s too busy being defensive to take them as genuine expressions of what they are, of exactly what he’s asking of Sam. That *does* make sense to me from a writing perspective. Because once he understands Sam’s POV, the throughline has to move forward toward resolution.

Idk. I just am not sure that I’m really getting Sam’s arc yet. That’s not to say that it’s not emotionally hitting, necessarily, bc I am firmly finding myself behind Sam.

And allllll of that is just to say: I agree that the emotional throughline feels a bit wobbly here, and I don’t have a way to reconcile it. I will take further suggestions if anyone has them.

[thecoleopterawithana]

Hello, I'm the last anon you answered to. I'm sorry if I came out as defensive because it wasn't my intention. In fact I've always thought that John was bisexual until I started questioning everything. ( I'm a bisexual guy myself and I'm perfectly happy with the way I am ! ) It's just that I feel like Yoko would just say whatever she wants on John to suit her agenda. John's sexuality had always been an interesting topic and dropping something like that would gaib her publicity this is why I --

I question the authenticity of her claims. She could have lied about it just to attract attention… And I’d be disappointed because John was in fact my idol and he gave me the strength to come out as bi to my family. But there’s so many anecdotes about him being homophobic that it just makes me sad and this is why I hardly doubt that he was a bisexual man…As for the Cynthia quote I heard her say something like “ John was afraid of homosexuality just like everyone ) in a video on Youtube –

I am very conflicted because I’ve watched videos of John ( interviews etc ) and many comments said that he was very skilled at manipulating people and wasn’t as honest as he appeared to be, which is why I doubt. John had always been the rebellious type and I started thinking that he was using the bisexuality topic to shock and make people talk about it which is disappointing. Was he dropping hints that he was bi to piss off people and make publicity ? This is what I believe : (There is also -

Something he said to Alaister Taylor where he said that he was trying to spread the rumor that he was gay or bi just for fun and he told him that he would never shag a man because just the thought of it turned him off… Yet he also told him that he adored Brian so much that he would have done anything with him ( he contradict himself here. ) So yeah I didn’t want to be rude. I apologize. I think I need reassurance. Could you please analyse everything I said if u don’t mind please ? : (

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Anon 2

At the very least all these years later isn’t it circumstantially suggested that John had very private gay encounters, and was uncomfortable making them public, yet wanted to hint at them so he could deal with this matter int he future? He was protecting his privacy and his ego, and perhaps wasn’t yet ready to reveal either his encounters or mixed feelings of bisexuality. His encounters have been protected by those with whom he was involved, people thameant a lot to him, no?

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Anon 3

hey! by any chance, do you have knowledge of the quotes where john said “sex with girls felt like a performance after the first time” and “i was never sexually attracted to women before yoko”? i am SURE i’ve seen the first one somewhere on tumblr, though the second one is more of a quote of a quote so i’m not sure if it’s real or not dfkdjk thanks, anyway!

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Anon 4

Hello! Is it true that John used to be very attracted to the drag scene in St Pauli ( I guess that was the town I read about ) and that basically the drag / gay scene made him feel comfortable and at home? Says a lot about him!

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@tbhmarjj

I adore you, thank u for this blog and ur beautiful mind. i doubt johns bisexuality at times tbh considering he went to great lengths for publicity and he wanted to be an LGBT ally, be cool and outspoken and as he himself said it was trendy to be bi. but then again he was obsessed with Paul in so many ways and he was the embodiment of John’s ideal man. beautiful, talented, intellectual. I’ll be patiently awaiting ur posts exploring Paul’s views on johns sexuality.Thank u

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Hello again, anon! 

I want to begin by thanking you for getting back to me after I answered your ask and for clarifying where you were coming from when you wrote it. It really is quite hard to fully get the tone of a written message, especially one that is so short that you have no context to draw from to get the emotional meaning behind it. It really appeared to me when I read it that the concern was not who was saying it (Yoko) but about what was being said (John was bisexual). I can now see that was not the case and I appreciate that you’ve made that clear. 

I also hope you don’t mind, but I’ve taken the opportunity to include in this answer all of the other asks I’ve been receiving regarding John’s sexuality. It’s clearly a topic of great interest in this community. So I’ll be attempting to address all the points raised here. Again, this is nothing definitive; only my personal readings of the situation as I find it at the moment.

Before I do answer, though, I’d just like everyone to take a deep breath and a step back. Let’s try to examine this topic a bit more objectively. 

I understand that sex is kind of major in our society. Our notion of identity is tightly bound to our classified sexuality and gender. Sexual relationships (or amorous relationships) are seen as the epitome of human connection and the ideal everyone should be striving for. And people fundamentally want to be loved and not alone, so it makes sense that figuring out who is a potential companion (and if that companion is interested back) is such a big deal.

But despite these layers of meaning and societal pressures, we should keep in mind what sex represents, essentially, from an evolutionary point of view. 

For social animals who derive pleasure from sexual stimulation, sexual intercourse is – like all the other kinds of affection – a way to build connections. 

If you want to find examples in nature, just look at our ape cousins, the bonobos. The also called pygmy chimpanzee lives in a matriarchal society where sexual behaviour plays an essential role in strengthening social bonds, lowering tension and keeping the peace. Bonobos don’t discriminate between gender or age (except between mothers copulating with their own adult sons, so as to prevent cross-breeding). It’s the true “free love” society; evolution took “make love, not war” and ran with it. 

Our own culture seems more similar to that of bonobos’ northern neighbours, the common chimp. Their patriarchy is more conservative regarding sexual intercourse, which is mainly used for reproduction purposes, and their power structure is based around intricate political games, where males form alliances and try to get public support in order to overthrow the ruling party.

I find it endlessly curious to look at these two species, whose physical separation by the Congo river made them diverge so starkly in their social organization, and compare them to the struggle between these same two natures that we find in our own society. 

All this to say that, from a simply biological point of view, I have to agree with John and Yoko when they say that everyone must be bisexual. If sexual intercourse as a social behaviour is, inherently, all about establishing bonds and connections, the extent to which those connections are “allowed” to be built depends entirely on the hierarchal structure that same society is trying to preserve. In other words, what is classified as morally right or wrong is more reflective of the rules in place to keep that society working as it is, than it is of what is naturally present as a drive. 

If your brain is primed to seek pleasure and sexual intercourse brings you pleasure independently of the partner’s gender, then the partner’s gender should be inconsequential.

But unlike bonobos, humans are kind of touchy about touching. So there are other levels of information influencing behaviour. The processes of socialization – of internalizing the norms and ideologies of society – and enculturation – by which people learn the dynamics of their surrounding culture and acquire values and norms appropriate or necessary in that culture and worldviews – are as determinant as the genetic factors influencing behaviour. In fact, this added education can be so effective in curbing your “primal instincts”, that one might forget they have them in the first place. 

Thus, the concepts of gender identity and sexual orientation are a constantly shifting construct based on the various interactions between your genetic makeup and social influences. 

I just think that, in order to have this discussion, it’s important to separate the various levels of it and be clear about which we are referring to.

There is the basic evolutionary drive to seek pleasure and form connections.

There is the social education about that same drive and how it is allowed to manifest itself.

And integrating all these different signals and information – various potentials which manifested as attraction – there finally is a behaviour, a choice.

And finally, there’s the external point of view of other members of society looking in and trying to discern other people’s drives and how they relate to their choices (that’s us now). The problem is, we often throw our own drives and choices into the mix, especially with regards to something as personally defining as sexual orientation. 

So we have to make very clear in our minds what is the end goal here. Why are we interested in discussing this topic? Are we looking to discern as much of the truth as we can get it, objectively trying to understand these human beings? Or are we trying to confirm our own projections on them? And please, don’t take me wrong. All these are valid reasons to be interested in a subject. Often how it resonates with us, so personally, is vitally important to reaching a greater understanding about ourselves and learning how to communicate that to others. 

But in the same way a piece of music can make you have a transformative emotional experience that the artist didn’t necessarily go through, it’s important to remember that our own inner-life might be affecting how we examine others. Better be mindful of what we project, lest we think are finally seeing inside another person when in fact we are only looking at our own reflection. (And honestly, I believe getting to truly know ourselves in this processes can be a hundred times more valuable than knowing the other. By learning to recognize ourselves we can better understand other people and vice-versa.) 

So if it is important to you that John is bisexual, my honest opinion is that all the information can be read in a way that confirms it. We’ll hardly ever know for sure, and based on what we do know, that can certainly be the takeaway. 

But if we want to objectively examine John’s sexuality, we shouldn’t bring in a confirmation bias. Meaning that we should be emotionally detached from the outcome, as long as it is as close to the truth as we can get. But this is only where I’m coming from, and I’m a bit of a scientist. It’s totally fair if you’re not in it for the same reasons. Though again, working under the assumption that you want to know my stance on it, let’s proceed.

I understand your reservations regarding Yoko as an unreliable narrator. To analyse Yoko’s motivations would be an interesting topic, but one which I will not go in at the moment as I don’t feel sufficiently informed about Yoko as a person to give an extensive examination.  

But in my opinion, there is a whole lot of other information available from which to draw from other than Yoko’s statements. 

I also get your and @tbhmarjj‘s concerns about John’s declarations during the 70s. But it’s the same question I posed in the previous post: Was the “bisexual chic” fad of the 1970s merely a publicity stunt for those involved? Even if it was, did it make the experimentations undertaken any less true? Were they just faking it for the press or were they finally allowed to try and be open about it? 

Because I come from the biological background that places sex as a positive social interaction like any other, meaning that its purpose is to create bonds and the pleasure is our “reward” for doing it, I tend to believe that the behaviours were genuine. The drive there is real. As real as the internal constraints that would act on them as a result of societies shifting expectations and permissions. And this socialization is as determinant in the creation of sexual attraction as anything. So based on our definition of sexual orientation, all those bi rockstars of the 70s could have effectively stopped identifying as bi once the new social norm overrun their own internal drives and the previous less conservative status quo. That didn’t make them less bi when they were. 

It’s funny, but in terms of gender and sexuality, nothing is real so everything is. 

So yeah, I think that John could have been bisexual the second he felt he was. But because the social tide was likely to shift, it was better to also maintain a measure of deniability: it was just for show, it’s not serious, I was just taking the mickey out of you and you fell for it! Of course John was smart enough to leave space there to retract. He and Paul had mastered the art as communicators through song. They could claim them to mean everything and nothing as it suited them. As Anon 2 says, it’s a protective measure. 

So I think that at some point in time, John genuinely identified as bisexual. Now whether he acted on it or not is another questioned entirely. As Anon 2 points out, there are various circumstantial accounts, but these are always tougher to verify. 

I tend to believe Yoko when she says:

So did Lennon ever have sex with men?

“No, I don’t think so,” says Ono. “The beginning of the year he was killed, he said to me, ‘I could have done it, but I can’t because I just never found somebody that was that attractive.’ Both John and I were into attractiveness—you know—beauty.”

I ask what she makes of the people outside the building, the crowds still at Strawberry Fields.

Ono misunderstands, or mishears (or is simply focused on the last strand of our conversation), and continues to talk about sex.

“I don’t make anything out of it. When you’re not really interested in that sort of sex, you don’t think about it. Both John and I surprisingly were very passive people. Unless somebody made a thing out of it, if they made a move, I wouldn’t even think about it.”

— in Yoko Ono: I Still Fear John’s Killer by Tim Teeman for the Daily Beast (13 October 2015).

At least I believe he at least never “fully” did it, in the sense of full-blown anal sex. I think there might have been “milder” homosexual interactions, such as handjobs, that could be rationalized as not entirely gay (the thing with Brian in Spain being one of them.)

Regarding the drag scene in Hamburg Anon 4 was asking about, I agree that it also provides information about John. Though I think it’s mainly about his gender identity rather than his sexual orientation (though the two are invariably linked in the construct as well).

Here are some quotes about it:

With his four months’ greater experience, Sheridan was an ideal guide to the Reeperbahn’s more exotic diversions, like the Schwülen laden. Stu Sutcliffe later wrote home in amazement that the transvestites were ‘all harmless and very young’ and it was actually possible to speak to one ‘without shuddering’. Though raised amid the same homophobia as his companions, John seemed totally unshocked by St Pauli’s abundant drag scene; indeed, he often seemed actively to seek it out. ‘There was one particular club he used to like,’ Tony Sheridan remembers, ‘full of these big guys with hairy hands, deep voices—and breasts. But they used to make an effort to talk English. There was something about the place that seemed to make John feel at home.’

— In John Lennon: The Life by Philip Norman (2008).

And according to Horst Fascher (bouncer at the Indra Club and the Kaiserkeller):

It wasn’t just girls that were on offer to young english rockers. Monica’s Bar was Hamburg’s notorious transvestite club. For one or two English musicians, Monica’s was just another part of the Hamburg experience.

HORST FASCHER: One night Monica said, “Come, come and look. One of your boys is in the séparé.” “And who is it?” And she said, “One of the Beatles.” “Let me look”. She said, “Be careful. Look only sneaky-like.” But I did. I grabbed the curtain, pulled it aside and there was sitting John in… in a position with that girl, and you know. He felt really ashamed and I said, “John, don’t worry man. I did that all before.”

— In The Beatles Biggest Secrets. [Transcription is my own and I’m not too certain of it.]

Though there certainly might have been an aspect of sexual interest to it, I think John’s fascination with the drag scene was also the kinship with the queerness he felt inside himself; mainly in regards to him wanting to express his more sensitive side, which is coded as feminine in our society. So I think seeing men indulging in femininity and nonnormative behaviour resonated with him.

Also, I think it’s even more important to understand John’s relationship with sex in general, regardless of the partner. 

To that end, the quote mentioned by Anon 3 is of special relevance:

When I was a kid, I wanted to shag every attractive woman I saw. I used to dream that it would be great if you could just click your fingers and they would strip off and be ready for me. I would spend most of my teenager years fantasising about having this kind of power over women. The weird thing is, when the fantasies came true they were not nearly so much fun. One of my most frequent dreams was seducing two girls together, or even a mother and a daughter. That happened in Hamburg a couple of times and the first time it was sensational. The second time it got to feel like I was giving a performance. You know how when you make love to a woman that the moment you come, you get a buzz of relief and just for a moment you don’t need anyone or anything. The more women I had, the more the buzz would turn into a horrible feeling of rejection and revulsion at what I’d been doing. As soon as I’d been with a woman, I wanted to get the hell out.

— John Lennon to Alistair Taylor (Brian Epstein’s assistant), 1965. In his autobiography With the Beatles: A Stunning Insight by The Man who was with the Band Every Step of the Way (2003).

And another important passage is in reference to Janov’s Primal Scream Therapy:

Well, his thing is to feel the pain that’s accumulated inside you ever since your childhood. […] The worst pain is that of not being wanted, of realising your parents do not need you in the way you need them. When I was a child I experienced moments of not wanting to see the ugliness, not wanting to see not being wanted. This lack of love went into my eyes and into my mind. […] Most people channel their pain into God or masturbation or some dream of making it. […] But for me at any rate it was all part of dissolving the Godtrip or father-figure trip. Facing up to reality instead of always looking for some kind of heaven.

— John Lennon, interviewed by Robin Blackburn and Tariq Ali for Red Mole (8-22 March 1971). [I really can’t stop pointing to this quote as one of the most important in order to understand John Lennon.]

As he reiterates in ‘I Found Out’ (1970): Some of you sitting there with yer cock in yer hand / Don’t get you nowhere don’t make you a man

To me, John’s pursuit of sex is, like most things in his life, essentially about filling this black-hole of emotional pain. He internalized the lack of love from his parents, which went into his eyes and mind, until he himself believed he was unlovable. This lack of self-esteem translates into a lot of pain and the need for an external solution for that pain. 

The external solution is not wanting to feel so vulnerable any more. This can be achieved either by trying to seize control, by exerting it over others or having them look up to you (e.g. “fantasising about having this kind of power over women”; “some dream of making it”). Or it can be achieved by handing control over and being taken care of (e.g. “people channel their pain into God”, “I’ve seen religion from Jesus to Paul”.)

Sex as an activity can play into these various dynamics: it can be used to feel power over others, as John started out; it can be used as an escapist distraction, like a drug (e.g. “you get a buzz of relief and just for a moment you don’t need anyone or anything”); and it can be used as giving yourself over and being loved, looking to receive that which you can’t get from yourself. 

As time passed and the first two solutions stopped working, I think John focused on the third: sex in the context of an emotionally close relationship as the ultimate intimacy and proof that he was loved. And because he wanted to absolve himself of responsibility, to be taken care of, his partner needed to be someone on the other end, someone who had control. In our culture, this reads as a masculine figure (e.g. “father-figure trip”). 

This may be from a female, whose masculine qualities were what attracted John in the first place:

In this intense, intimate and revealing original cassette recording of a private conversation in 1969 between John Lennon and Yoko Ono, the couple speaks primarily about Yoko’s past relationships, her music and art, and their random views on sex, love, promiscuity, and homosexuality. […] [Lennon] adds that he had never met an attractive woman that had sexually aroused him to any great degree.

— Description of the 45-minute audiotape auctioned in 2009 by Alexander Autographs.

I used to say to him, ‘I think you’re a closet fag, you know.’ Because after we started to live together, John would say to me, ‘Do you know why I like you? Because you look like a bloke in drag. You’re like a mate.’

— Yoko Ono, interviewed for New York Magazine (25 May 1981).

Or the partner he was looking for could be found in the (often dominant) person he was most emotionally invested in his whole life. 

All I want is you / Everything has got to be just like you want it to

And in a society that establishes that the closest two people can be, the greatest intimacy they can share, the ultimate declaration of love is to live in a monogamous amorous relationship, is it any wonder that John felt he could only believe in their relationship if they were together like that? Is it any wonder that he would doubt Paul’s affections because Paul apparently wasn’t willing to express them like that? 

JOHN: It’s a plus, it’s not a minus. The plus is that your best friend, also, can hold you without… I mean, I’m not a homosexual, or we could have had a homosexual relationship and maybe that would have satisfied it, with working with other male artists. [faltering] An artist – it’s more – it’s much better to be working with another artist of the same energy, and that’s why there’s always been Beatles or Marx Brothers or men, together. Because it’s alright for them to work together or whatever it is. It’s the same except that we sleep together, you know? I mean, not counting love and all the things on the side, just as a working relationship with her, it has all the benefits of working with another male artist and all the joint inspiration, and then we can hold hands too, right?

SHEVEY: But Yoko is a very independent person. Isn’t it— [inaudible]

JOHN: Sure, and so were the men I worked with. The only difference is she’s female.

SHEVEY: But you didn’t find it difficult to make that transition?

JOHN: Oh yeah. I mean, it took me four years. I’m still not – I’m still only coming through it, you know.

— Interview with Sandra Shevey (June 1972).

I know I keep posting this quote, but I don’t think he can make it more obvious than that: it’s not about the sex. Or rather, the sex is not the primary thing. 

He didn’t push all those years because he was uncontrollably horny for Paul. John just wants a physical manifestation, a more tangible “proof”, of his emotional connections. He wants to be able to hold hands, be held and perhaps also have sex with his best friend; he needs those proofs of love through the means of physical affection because he won’t believe Paul’s love for him is there otherwise (or that it’s as great as John’s).

Would society normalizing other kinds of relationships – such as friendships – to be as important or on the same level as amorous (romantic/sexual) ones, have helped John and Paul? Most likely. 

Would society normalizing same-sex amorous relationships have helped John and Paul? Perhaps. (For this one we would have to look more closely at Paul’s needs and desires.)

All this to say that John’s idea of sexuality was extremely influenced by society, and in his case, the rule “amorous relationships are the normative ones” outweighed the “heterosexual relationships are the normative ones”. 

The conflict occurred when from Paul’s perspective, the priority of the rules was the other way around. I think Paul was ready to ignore society’s norm and live his life with his friendship with John as the most important relationship. But he also wanted a heterosexual one. (But more on that on a post of its own.)

For now, I hope I have more or less managed to express my thoughts on the matter of John’s sexuality. 

Thank you so much for reading through all that and for reaching out in the first place! I truly appreciate it!

[baronessblixen]

Hello! I'm sorry if you already did this - but how about some smut involving early mulder and scully playing truth or dare, never have I ever, etc?

Guys, this is one of my oldest prompts. If the original prompter reads and remembers this: hi. I’m sorry it’s not really smutty. Today’s @txf-prompt-box advent calendar word is: snowstorm. Also tagging @today-in-fic

Never Have I Ever

"Hey Scully, wanna play agame?" In other circumstances, this situation might be consideredromantic. But not for Mulder and Scully, certified partners and friends. They'retrapped here in this shabby hotel room with no TV, no radio or any form ofentertainment. The old radiator rumbles, providing the only background noise.All they have here is each other.

"What kind of game?"Anykind, Mulder thinks. He's known Scully for a year and this is the second timethey're in the same room scantily clad. Well, she is. Her clothes are dryingall over the place. Her skirt is joined by her stockings on a chair, her bra ishanging off the radiator winking at Mulder. Both their shoes are standingthere, drops of snow still falling off. The snowstorm surprised them a coupleof hours ago on their way to the airport. Rather it surprised him. Scullywarned him about it before they even got into their rental car. He didn'tlisten. The sky was blue, not a cloud in sight. Now he knows that he shouldhave listened. When the first few flurries danced on the windshield, he merelychuckled. That didn't last long. It's a wonder Scully isn't angry for him aftermaking her walk through inches and inches of snow.

"How about… Never Have IEver?" He grins at her, not for a moment believing she would even considerplaying the game. But out of her Scully clothes, in full Dana mood, she is adifferent woman. He's only just learning that. She tucks a strand of wet, curlyhair behind her ear and smiles. Unlike her, she's showered. They were warnedthat there might not be enough warm water for two showers. There was noquestion who would use it.

"Sure, why not? I haven'tplayed that since college." She grabs a twinkie from their pile of dinner.They plundered the vending machine, the only source of food in this place. Withthe snowstorm raging outside there is no way they can go anywhere. They'relucky they made it here at all. Their only losses Scully's clothes; they neverhad a chance.

"We don‘t have anyalcohol."

"We can play withwater."

"You're so boring,Scully." She shrugs.

"We can just sit here insilence and not play."

"Fine, we'll play withwater."

The room is equipped with twobeds, a fact Mulder tries not to be disappointed about. Scully sits Indianstyle on hers, as if this were a school trip. Clad in her robe she bears noresemblance to Agent Scully. It only occurs to him that maybe playing thisjuvenile game is not the best idea. But he's not about to call it off either.

"You go first,"Scully says, licking her lips. There's a crumb stuck on her lips still andMulder can't help staring at it. Most days he doesn't allow himself to think ofScully as anything but his partner. It's as dangerous a road as the one theytraveled today, blankets of snow making the journey a difficult one. Theyweathered that storm. This, he fears, is a different one. The tip of her tonguecatches the lone crumb and she smiles at him as if she was doing this onpurpose. Mulder hands Scully one of the yellow plastic cups he's filled withwater. He doesn't shy away from this dangerous road either.

"Never have I ever liedabout my age."

"And you call me boring,Mulder." Scully takes a sip from her cup. "Never have I ever said thewrong name during sex." Scully grins at him and he swallows hard, grippinghis cup. He doesn't drink. Scully chuckles, mouthing another 'boring'. Here hethought he had the upper hand. Another thing he's beginning to understand: whenit comes to him and Scully, he never has the upper hand.

"Never have I ever made outwith a co-worker." Scully drinks, her eyes firmly set on Mulder. This gamewas a bad idea.

"I told you about JackWillis." She shrugs and he nods. "Have you ever wanted to make outwith a co-worker, Mulder?"

"That's not a never haveI ever question, Scully." He grins, thinking he's dodged the question. Hismouth feels dry; Scully is so much better at this game and he fears he's nevergoing to get a sip of his water.

"Never have I ever fantasizedabout my work partner." Oh yeah, she is definitely way better at this thanhe could ever be. He holds his cup up in fake victory before he takes a sip.

"I lied." He watchesas Scully puts her mouth to the cup, taking a big sip. "Let‘s play adifferent game."

"Which one?"

"Truth or Dare."

"Is that a good idea?"Scully changes her position and her robe gapes open, not revealing much, butenough to spark his imagination. Maybe he should go outside, take a dive in thecold, wet snow. He could do with a cooling off.

"Truth or dare,Mulder?"

"Truth."

“Am I the work partner you'vefantasized about?" He considers lying. They're stuck here in this room,snow piling up outside; they're the only two people. The lights flicker everyonce in a while; who knows how long they'll have power. He doesn't have anypower left himself. If the storm continues, the radiator might malfunction,leaving them without heat. That they must create, together. Right now Muldercan't imagine being cold. He eyes Scully with her pink cheeks, her make-up freeface and freckles. He should lie. He should. And yet…

"Yes." He downs thelast of his water, wishing it was something much, much stronger. "Truth ordare, Scully?"

"I‘m going with truth,too."

"Are you wearing any underwearunder your robe?"

"Hmmm, no." She'shiding her smile behind the cup. Mulder licks his lips, trying to keep his eyesabove that very tempting v right over her breasts. Her naked breasts. She isnaked under this thin layer of cotton. "I had to take it off. It waswet." Mulder just nods, looking away. "Truth, Mulder? Or dare?"

"Tr- truth." He'snot sure he's going to survive a dare.

"Would you like me toprove to you that I'm not wearing underwear?" He has to look at her, hejust has to. The robe is still closed, mostly. A few shadows hint at what's hiddenunderneath.

"Scully…"

"Answer the question,please."

"Yes," he mumblesit, almost hoping she won't hear. No such look. She chuckles; a low, deep soundhe's never heard before. He doesn't dare question it.

"It's your turn,"she reminds him when he remains quiet.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare." He doesn'tallow himself to look anywhere but her face. He knows what he's going to askher to do. His heart is pounding. He wipes his sweaty hands on his pants. Theyfeel much tighter than they did mere minutes ago.

"Open your robe."His request hangs between them for a moment and all they have to do is reachout and take it. It's Scully's decision. She might call him a pervert, call himan asshole or… he lifts his eyes and she's waiting. As soon as she is aware ofhim watching, she loosens the belt and the fabric pools away from her body. Herbreasts come into focus and Mulder gasps. He lets his eyes wander lower andlower and lower.

"Truth or dare,Mulder?" Her voice is luscious, a caress. His sex throbs, dictating hisnext move.

"Dare." The wordfalls from his mouth easily. As if this wasn't sealing their future. Whateverhappens next, tomorrow when the snow melts, when they go back home to theirreal lives, he doesn't have regrets. Not a single one.

"Touch me," Scullysays and Mulder doesn't hesitate. He is on her in seconds, their mouths hotagainst each other. Their tongues stroke and tease, just getting to know eachother in this new, intimate way. Scully moans into his mouth as his hands slipunder her robe, removing it. He cups her breasts and is fascinated by howperfectly they fit into his hands.

"Get… naked… Mulder,"Scully groans into his mouth, against his lips and he obeys. With her help,they get his shirt off. He forgets to breathe as Scully's hands roam over hischest.

"Breathe, Mulder. You‘llneed your breath." She winks at him, kisses his lips quickly, as her handsnestle at his pants. She looks into his eyes as her hand wanders inside hisboxers, freeing his weeping penis. She's gently stroking him and he fears he'slosing his mind, what's left of his sanity.

"Scully." It's aprayer, a question, a declaration. "Never have I ever," her handstills, one of her eyebrows shooting up, "made love to my partner whilecaught in a snowstorm."

"Next time you play thisgame," Scully says, cupping his balls, "you'll have to drink if that onecomes up."

[spartanguard]

Happy Valentine's Day, love!! Hope I'm not too late to request some - ⚡️ - person a and b get into a fight before valentine’s, and both spend the entire day trying to make up with each other. (obv I'm walking into slight angst territory here but I trust you!)

Well, this took me all day. But here it is! It’s not TOO angsty ;)

⚡️ - person a and b get into a fight before valentine’s, and both spend the entire day trying to make up with each other.

canon insert | rated T | 2.2k | valentine’s day prompts

Emma had been looking forward to Valentine’s Day, which was still something she was getting used to, but in the good way. She’d never take for granted the fact that she had someone to celebrate it with forever—someone who was particularly prone to grand romantic gestures, even if she’d told him she didn’t need or want anything over the top.

(She was kind of hoping they’d have another little someone to share the day with, since Henry had left a few months ago and the house was feeling much too empty, but...no luck there yet.)

But her anticipation was replaced with apprehension when she came downstairs that morning, festively dressed in her red leather jacket, only to find Killian sneaking in the back door, head down.

“Hey, what were you doing out there?”

“Um, taking out the trash,” he lied, avoiding her gaze as he moved toward the coffee pot.

“You wanna try that again?”

“Don’t worry about it, love.”

Her mind flashed back to the time he was keeping the shears of fate in the shed out back, and then the situation with the dreamcatcher. They’d moved past both of those, and she trusted him, but something just felt...off. It wasn’t like him to keep anything from her anymore.

“What if I want to worry about it?” she countered, stepping toward him as he poked at buttons on the machine without getting anywhere.

“Is a man not allowed to keep anything hidden around here?” he threw back, just a hint of anger in his voice. “I promise you, Emma—it’s nothing.” I’ll…” he trailed off, rubbing his eyes. “I’ll tell you later.”

“Why are you being so evasive?” Tired of him toying with the coffee pot, she reached over and turned it on.

He tossed his head back, exasperated, and sighed. “I’m not; you’re the one seeing danger where there is none.”

“Well it’s nice that you’re able to not constantly be on guard. Sorry I can’t just shut it off like you can.” Not waiting for his reaction, she stormed off.

“Where are you going?” he called after her.

“Apparently, someone has to keep an eye on this town. I’m headed to work; I’ll see you later.”

She kind of didn’t care if the door slammed behind her. What the hell was he doing?

Killian gave a long, low exhale after the door crashed shut. It wasn’t the first meaningless, random spat they’d had lately; they were both anxious for their family to grow, and perhaps subconsciously, their lack of success in that area was getting to both of them.

He hadn’t meant to be short with her, but all he was doing was trying to keep her away from one of the Valentine’s surprises he’d prepared; surely, that wasn’t worth jumping down his throat?

But they both had a long history of betrayal, even between each other, even if they’d progressed far beyond that point. He couldn’t completely fault her suspicion. Still—it stung.

The coffee pot beeped as the brew finished, with one final gurgle that echoed in the silence of the room. Reluctantly, he pulled a mug from a cabinet and poured himself a cup, but then he realized: Emma didn’t have any yet. Or, judging from the untouched box of Pop Tarts on the counter, anything to eat.

She may have said she was going to work, but he knew she wouldn’t get that far without sustenance, so there was only one place she could be headed.

He dug his phone from his rear pocket, pulled up the number, and dialed.

Emma’s anger had cooled a bit on the walk to Granny’s—probably in proportion to her growing hunger and need for caffeine. She really hadn’t meant to go off on him like that; it was probably nothing. Maybe she was just more stressed than she thought? Or maybe just hangry.

The smell of coffee and maple syrup hit Emma as soon as she opened the door to the diner and her mouth was watering.

Emma had barely sat down at the counter when Granny was in front of her, setting down a plate in front of her. “One order of pancakes, with bacon on the side, for Mrs. Swan-Jones,” she announced. “And the coffee is almost done.”

“Thanks,” Emma replied, slightly stunned. “Am I just that predictable now?”

“Eh,” Granny shrugged. “I had warning you were on the way.”

Emma slumped over her breakfast a bit. “He called?”

“Yep. You two fight or something?”

“Yeah, something,” Emma sighed as she cut into the stack of pancakes. “It’s dumb.”

“So I take it he’s not going to be joining you?”

“No, probably not,” she answered. Granny slid over a mug of fresh coffee; Emma took a long gulp, even with it still being hot. “But...can you help me doing something for him?”

“Of course, darlin’.”

After a brief stop at the station, managing to slip in and out before Emma got in, Killian made his way to the docks. The weather was going to be dry enough to get some work done on the ship this week, and with today being unseasonably warm, he decided this would be the perfect time to start. He just needed to double-check some measurements before he bought new sailcloth and rope for rigging first.

That, and working with his hands would give him some more time to calm down from their tiff—or distract himself from his shame at losing his temper.

He wandered up to the quarterdeck when he got to the ship and was about to re-inspect the section where the ropes were getting worn, but before he could get there, a bundle sitting on the helm caught his attention.

Tied up with bright red ribbon was a hefty length of rope and what looked to be the exact cut of cloth he needed. A tag was hanging from the knot of the ribbon; it looked a bit watery, as if it had been laying outside overnight and was mottled by the morning dew. But in unmistakeable handwriting, it said “You put the wind in my sails. Happy Valentine’s!

He reached into his jacket pocket; sure enough, the notes he’d made with rough measurements listed was gone—but this looked like more than enough for what he needed. Perhaps he needed some lessons from Emma on being sneaky—though he certainly had a few surprises up his sleeve for later.

For now, he had to get to work, if only so he could get to those faster.

Emma couldn’t say she was looking forward to a day of working on her own, but Valentine’s was usually quiet enough that they’d decided to just have one person in today, and she knew how much Killian wanted to make those repairs on his ship. She just really hoped those notes of his were right; she’d erred on the side of caution and bought more when she hit the supply shop yesterday.

Hopefully, he was enjoying himself there; she probably would be bored out of her mind in the empty station, but she couldn’t begrudge him the nice day to be by the sea, especially if they needed a bit of time apart, as they apparently did.

She unlocked the front door and shuffled in like always, flipping on the light to the bullpen and then her office once she slipped inside.

The light overhead shined down like a spotlight onto her desk—or, rather, what was on it: a huge, gorgeous bouquet of roses in a stunning glass vase. Her jaw dropped.

Almost cautiously, she stepped toward them—this was still Storybrooke, after all. She plucked the card that was tucked into the center of the arrangement and was immediately awash in the light, powdery fragrance they gave off—there had to be close to three dozen stems there.

The card bore her name on the front in Killian’s flourishing handwriting. On the other side, he’d written “I gave you one of these on our first date; I’ve done a poor job of keeping up the tradition. Hopefully this covers it and then some. All my love, Killian.”

How had she found such a perfect romantic sap? She stuck her whole face in the flowers then, almost getting high on the scent. She caught a tiny whiff of something slightly musty, too, but familiar.

It smelled like the storage shed. Shit. She’d practically attacked him for trying to hide what he’d clearly intended to be a surprise. God, she was an asshole. She had to make this up to him. She had a few things planned...but what else could she do?

A few hours later, Killian was halfway up the rigging, setting up new lines, when a voice called out.

“Ahoy! Permission to board?”

He nearly jumped at the sound, which would have resulted in a rather unpleasant fall were his reflexes not still trained to grab the nearest piece of rope at the slightest jolt. But it was just Granny.

“Of course, milady,” he shouted back, then carefully made his way back to semi-solid ground. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“To your wife,” she replied, holding out a take-out bag. He could smell the onion rings from here. “She figured you’d be working too hard to remember lunch and wanted to make sure you ate.”

He took the bag from her; scrawled in Emma’s hand, on the top of the bag, was “Sorry :( I love you!”

“You kids alright?” Granny asked, concern evident in her voice. “I don’t like being the go-between.”

“We’ll be just fine, I think,” he said softly as he opened the bag, the familiar shape of a burger wrapped in foil inside. “As much as we appreciate your services, I don’t think they’ll be required much longer.”

“I hope so. If you two can’t make it, what hope is there for the rest of us?”

He had to admit, that kind of sentiment was a bit draining—that everyone only saw them through the lens of “True Love,” and not as a real relationship. But he daren’t admit that to Granny. Instead, he smirked and tossed back, “Why, Madame Lucas—aren’t the lovers lining up at your threshold?”

“Ha. Very funny. Eat up, and don’t break your neck. I’ve got a lunch rush to get back to.” She turned to head away, but he caught the pink blush rising on her cheeks.

Oh, his darling wife; however was he going to make up for the muck he’d made this morning?

As it turned out, they both seemed determined to apologize through various gestures throughout the day, both preplanned and spur of the moment.

At the same time he was discovering a fifth of his favorite rum in the ship’s galley—to go with his burger, of course—Emma found the recently replenished stash of her favorite hazelnut coffee (the good stuff) in the coffee cabinet at the station.

On his way home from the ship, he arranged to have a hot chocolate and bearclaw delivered to her from her favorite cafe in town (don’t tell Granny); upon arrival at the house, a delivery boy from the ice cream shop was dropping off a pint of his favorite flavor, rum raisin.

And then, around dinner time, Killian walked up to the house armed with their favorite dishes from the local Chinese restaurant—just as Emma was pulling up in the bug, laden with their favorite pizzas.

“Hi,” they both said, somewhat awkwardly, staring at the carry-out in the other’s hands. Then they looked up at each other and giggled.

“Shall we?” Killian said, nodding at the door.

“Let’s.”

Seamlessly moving around each other—like always—they set up the food on the kitchen counter, Emma got out the dishes, and Killian uncorked the wine they’d been saving for tonight.

He’d just opened the bottle, and she had just set the plates down, when they turned to face each other and blurted out simultaneously, “I’m sorry.”

“No, love, you have nothing—”

“Oh, don’t even; I’m the one who—”

“Emma—”

“Killian—”

They took in a breath at the same moment, then instinctively moved together, wrapping the other one up in a bruising hug.

“I’m sorry I got needlessly suspicious and defensive,” Emma said, voice muffled a bit by the way her face was pressed against Killian’s chest.

“And I’m sorry that I was cagey and snapped at you; it’s inexcusable.”

“I’d have done the same.”

“That’s why we’re true love, aye?”

“Something like that.” Emma lifted her head just enough to find his lips with hers, and press any other apologies into that. “I love you.”

“I love you, too—immeasurably.”

“Show-off.”

He kissed her again, then laid out a decision. “So, we have two options here: dive into this frankly ridiculous amount of food, or take this,” he explained, grabbing her rear end through her jeans, “to a more comfortable locale. Which would you prefer?”

The decision was easy for Emma. “The food will reheat.” And without any further prompting, jumped up to wrap her legs around his waist and reaffix her lips to his.

They continued to make up several more times that night, in various positions, all across their bed.

(And, the following year, they did indeed have someone else to celebrate with—baby Hope.)

[besidemethewholedamntime]

Hello again! :D I'm here because of our conversation earlier... where I asked you if I could request a fic where Jemma wakes up after some surgery and asks hilarious questions to Fitz while still not fully recovered from anesthesia.. may be an au, may be canon! It's totally up to you ♥

hello! Here’s your finished piece and I hope it’s kind of what you were looking for! Thank you so much for prompting me it - it was such a joy to write

bumblebees and wisdom teeth

{Read on Ao3}

or read below! 

“No. Absolutely not. You must be out of your mind toeven suggest it.”

Fitz rolls his eyes as she turns her back for a moment– knowing better than to do it so she can see. His tone is calm, without a hintof frustration. “It was your dentist, Jemma, not me. And it wasn’t so much as asuggestion as she effectively told you that you needed your wisdom toothremoved.”

Jemma makes a harrumphsound, before throwing herself forcefully into the kitchen chair. “My teethare perfect.”

“I know,” hetells her, for the fifth time. “And so does she. But it’s hurting you. And youeither leave it or it gets infected and this becomes a much bigger deal.” Helooks at her imploringly. “You know this.”

A small smile appears, and he watches as she givesway. “That did sound like something I would say.”

For the first time since they’ve arrived home fromJemma’s dentist appointment this afternoon, Fitz allows himself a smile, too.As big and as brave as his wife is, he knows she has great reservations aboutthe dentist. It’s taken two weeks to try and convince the normally completelylogical Jemma Simmons to get over herself and make an appointment about thebothersome tooth.

“It won’t be so bad,” he tells her gently, able tocomfort now the stubbornness has subsided. “A quick operation.”

“But it’s only partially erupted,” Jemma moans. “Whichmeans they’ll have to dig around in there.”

“After everything you have faced, you can definitelyovercome this.” He watches her smile again, though it’s small. “And if you’revery good, then I’ll even get you some ice cream after it’s all over.”

She laughs at him, reaching over to kiss him gently.“That approach may work on our daughter,” she says silkily, “but I’m afraid Imight require something more than ice-cream.”

“Whatever you want,” he promises, kissing her again.

-x-

“Can I come, too?”

Sarah looks at him beseechingly, holding her miniatureladybird suitcase in her hands. Fitz stops folding the washing to ruffle herhair.

“We’ll all be going, kiddo. Mummy’s going to need uswhen the dentist is done with her mouth. But it’s only for a few hours so wewon’t need the suitcase.”

“Oh.” Sarah looks disappointed. “Okay.” She sets itdown on the floor. “When are we going?”

“As soon as mummy is done worrying about all of thethings she won’t be able to do for a couple of days,” he says, watching asSarah’s ‘thinking crease’ appears between her eyebrows. “Hey, why don’t you goget some things to do and put them in your amazing bumblebee bag, yeah?”

She runs off, clearly excited about the prospect ofgetting to use some animal themed luggage today. Fitz drops the t-shirt he’sfolding and pokes his head around the kitchen door.

“You ready to go soon?”

Jemma sits at the kitchen table, a pen gripped so hardin her hand that her knuckles have gone white. There are sheets of paper allover the table, all of the lists she has made to comfort herself. “It says twodays is enough time for recovery.”

“That’s what the dentist said.”

“The NHS website, too,” she hums. “But what do youthink?”

“I think we’ll see how you feel afterwards, okay?” Hereaches out his hand and, though with a bit of reluctance, she takes it.

“You’ll be fine, Jemma,” he says softly. “We’ll bothbe there the whole time.”

“Okay,” she sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Okay.Let’s go get this bloody tooth removed.”

He grins in spite of himself. “That’s the spirit!”

-x-

“Oh wow! This is amazing!”

Fitz really only thought that the utter personality changesand complete silliness associated with wisdom tooth removal existed in thefilms, or was one of those things that was exclusively American.

“You are very handsome!”

But no.

“Are you single?”

It appears that it’s not. The proof of which iscurrently sitting on a chair in front of him, mouth puffed up with gauze, wheezingwith laughter at unknown jokes.

Jemma grabs his chin with her cool hands, and wiggles itabout. He tries not to laugh at the bewildered expression on her face. No doubtshe’ll remember it once the anaesthesia wears off.

“I think you’re incrediblyattractive.” She tries to roll her r’s, but it gets lose in the gauze. “Yourface is so symmetrical. I’ll bet if I checked, then you’d have the GoldenRatio.”

Knowing for a fact he doesn’t (because she’s checked,of course) he simply smiles and wishes it wouldn’t be frowned upon to record avideo in a hospital. “That’s a lovely compliment, Jemma, but I think it’s timewe get you home, now. Get you some sleep.”

Her elbow that he’d been about to take to help her upsuddenly retracts as if he’s shocked yet. Her eyes narrow, the crease betweenher eyebrows prominent. For a moment he’s overcome by the similarities between hiswife and daughter.

“How do you know my name?”

“You’re my best-friend and we’re married,” heexplains, patiently, opting for the short version. “If you let me help you up,we can get going and you’ll feel much better. I promise.”

“We’re married?!”She shouts, then winces, but doesn’t let the pain deter her. “Oh, I am verylucky indeed. A very lucky woman.”

“You know, I’m going to remember you said this.”

“Okayyy.” Jemma smiles up at him, glassy eyed, and offersher elbow up to him.

“Excellent, well done.” He helps her stand up, theturns his head this way and that. “Now we just have to locate Sarah and we canbe on our way.”

“Who’s Sarah?” Jemma asks sleepily, trying to lean herhead on his shoulder, and moaning a bit when his head swivelling doesn’t allowfor a comfortable stay.

“What kind of drugs did they give you?” He mutters, beforethe person he desires comes careening into the discharge room, brandishing asweetie from the vending machine.

“I got one for mummy and one for you!” Sarah exclaims,before noticing her mother and looking up at her, blinking owlishly.

“I’ll save hers for later,” she decides, stuffing thebumper pack of Starburst into her backpack.

“Good idea, kiddo.” He grins at her, then turns backto Jemma. “Right, let’s get going.”

“You are so pretty,” Jemma gushes, words slightly moreslurred than they were earlier. “Like a princess.”

Usually, Sarah becomes indignant at being likened to aprincess. Her face becomes all pinchy, and she tosses her toffee coloured curlsover her shoulder before walking away. If she’s in a particularly feisty mood,there can sometimes be shouting involved. He hopes that today isn’t one ofthose days.

Luckily, Sarah is a feisty but perceptive little beanand she simply loops her arm around her mother’s free one and leans her head inand says, “thank you.”

“And such lovely manners, too. You’ve been taught sowell.”

“By the best,” Fitz assures her. “Let’s go home.”

-x-

“Daddy,” Sarah whispers in the car on the way home. “Mummyisn’t going to be like this forever, is she?”

Fitz looks over to where Jemma has her head leaningagainst the passenger window, laughing uproariously at a dog, or perhaps theTesco delivery van, or the post box. He smiles a reassuring smile in the rear -viewmirror.

“Not for very long, kiddo. Don’t worry. Let’s justenjoy it while it lasts.”

-x-

“Knock knock,” he says, gently, pushing open the doorto the darkened bedroom.

“Ungggg,” Jemma groans into the pillow. “My head issplitting.”

He holds up a glass. “I brought you some water.”

She sits up, softly swiping hair away from herslightly swollen jaw. “My hero. Thank you, Fitz.”

“No bother.” He comes to sit next to her, handing herthe water with a paper straw in it.

She takes a sip, wincing a little bit, before lookingpast him, bleary eyes trying to focus in the dimness of the room. “Where’sSarah?”

“Downstairs making you a ‘get well soon’ card with hertoy dog. Expect a lot of paw prints next to her name.”

She chuckles, moaning and gingerly pressing her handto her jaw after she does so. He holds up a box of ibuprofen. “I brought these,too.”

“You deserve an award, Fitz.” She takes them with agrateful look. “I can’t believe what the anaesthesia did to me, earlier. I feelso embarrassed.”

“You shouldn’t,” he laughs. “It was cute.”

“Did I absolutely terrify our daughter?”

He can’t imagine Sarah being absolutely terrified ofanything. The child practically asks the world to come and take her on.

“No, not even a little bit.” He takes her hand in his.“She found it funny.”

“Oh dear. Never again, Fitz. I mean it.”

“I think you’ve done your fair share.” He takes in herpuffy jaw and bleary eyes and still thinks she’s the best thing, apart fromSarah, that he’s ever laid eyes on. “And it’s done now.”

“Mhmm.” She leans against him, head fitting on hisshoulder. “Thank you for everything.”

“Always, Jemma. What else was I going to do?”

He feels her try to smile into his shoulder, before shelooks up, gently taking his chin in her hand.

“What a handsome face,” she giggles. “I can’t believe I’mmarried to it.”

“Yeah, I know.” He presses his hand over hers. “I can’tbelieve it either.”

[althaiareads]

 You definitely didn’t want him bottling anything up that could easily be talked about and worked out.

Oh, we're good parents, I like that. Separation, parents fighting, is an awful thing and a humongous weight to put on a child, especially as young as Christopher, he's what? 6? So yeah, therapy is amazing, they all need it.

“I mean he’s been here almost every single time I drop Chris off, so yeah, I do find that hard to believe actually,” he grumbles out. You shoot him a confused look, not knowing where this jealousy is coming from. It was obvious at the party and it’s stinking up the room now.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but no. We’re not,” you tell him, shaking your head.

“Could’ve fooled me.”

Okay, fuck you Mr. YOU DON'T GET TO BE JEALOUS!! YOU DON'T GET TO SAY SHIT!! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO LEFT!! I AM SO KICKING HIS ASS! LET ME AT HIIIIIIMMMMMM!!!!!

“God Eddie, what is with you lately? It’s okay for you to move on but heaven forbid I start talking with someone, it’s wrong, Edward? Why is it okay for you to break up our family, tear my heart to shreds, and behave so recklessly towards our son’s and my emotions? What gives you the fucking right?” You ask, stepping closer with every word you spoke, your hand coming into contact with his cheek with a loud smack once you finish.

She slapped him? She slapped him. OH MY GOD SHE SLAPPED HIM!!!! Hell yeah. She's so badass for that. He deserves that, AND MOREE. Also she's making such valid points, while arguing, couldn't be me, I can't argue with people.

He watches as Christopher’s head slowly appears from behind the wall, a frown resting upon his lips as he sees his father with the paper towel resting on his cheek. Eddie’s eyes go wide at seeing his son, before his own mouth twists into a frown of its own. 

Oh fuck, he heard that and saw it, probably. That's not so cool, poor kiddo is going to have a hard time processing that. Therapy sounds a whole lot better now after that.

Can I just say that you've done an amazing work with this series? I hate Eddie with my whole heart for what he did to his family and how he's acting, and it's clear how much hurt reader is going through, but you've also kept him human. He's not an irredeemable monster, he's made mistakes (a lot of them), but you've been hinting at the fact that there's something going on, he's not doing everything just because. And don't get me wrong, I don't think that whatever is happening justifies his actions, because he's been an ass to her and their son, but we're not invulnerable, shit happens, and it affects the way we act.

Anyway, I love this series and I'm very excited to see where it goes next, how Christopher will react and how Eddie will try to make it up to them. You're amazing!

the pain of letting you go- e.m (pt 4)

Pairing: Ex!Eddie Munson x Ex!AFAB!Reader

Summary: eddie’s jealous gets the best of him and you’ve had enough

Warnings: angst, fighting, arguing, reader being a bad ass, confrontation, slight eddie pov

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N: part four of the series is here! i was so excited to write this part and i hope it helps move things along in the best way possible. thank you to everyone for the continued support! reminder: if the topic is sensitive for you, please do not read. enjoy! :) -sava

series masterlist

You bask in the soft flicker of the candlelight you’d set up for the night, lounging in the chair in the corner of the living room with a fuzzy blanket and a new book you picked up at the store. You always found comfort in a good book, letting your mind take you to places you’d never been before and put yourself into stories that were beyond your control.

Since the drama that occurred at Christopher’s birthday, you used the weekend to yourself to relax and take some time to settle down. No thinking about Shirley, Eddie, or even the strange feeling you’d recently discovered when Steve popped into your head. You went shopping, drank some wine, and used the weekend to unwind without crying your eyes out, which was a first for you since the separation.

During your alone time, you also went around researching about how things can get better between your family. The last thing you wanted was for everyone to be fighting and putting your son’s emotions on the line. You knew he wasn’t stupid and knew what was going on, and the way some of his expressions and mannerisms have changed within the last few months didn’t go unnoticed by you. 

So you decided that family therapy was the best option, that way everyone would be able to hash out any grievances they had and everyone could better understand one another on a new level, with an impartial bluffer to help guide the conversation back if things went sideways. You were curious to find out why Eddie was acting the way he was, and also curious to know what was going on in Christopher’s head. You definitely didn’t want him bottling anything up that could easily be talked about and worked out.

Sinking into the plush of the chair’s cushion, you grab the book and turn to the page you left off on the previous day, channeling your attention into the world the author carefully built. Before you’re able to settle in too deep, a knock on the door pulls you out of your semi-blissful state. You close the book with your bookmark hardly inside, tossing it on the chair as you get up and creep over to the door. 

Adjusting your robe over yourself and fixing your hair briefly in the mirror by the door, you open it to find Eddie and Christopher standing bundled up, your son’s face beaming as he runs up to you. You decide to not make a comment on the lack of Shirley’s presence, silently thanking whatever god that might be out there that it was just Eddie and your son. 

“Hey buddy! How was your weekend at Daddy’s apartment?” You ask him, wrapping your arms around his small body.

“It was fun! Dad took me to get a couple games for my new Gameboy and let me play his guitar! And then we went to the park today and got some hot chocolate!” He exclaims, his smile stretching from ear to ear. You give him a smile before looking up at Eddie with a surprised face. For someone so upset about the Gameboy just days ago, he sure was quick to give into the idea.

“That sounds like a fun time buddy, I’m glad you two enjoyed yourselves,” you respond back, rubbing his back.

There's a thick silence in the air for a moment, exchanging brief glances with Eddie and turning back to your son who was pretty confused as well. You pull him in for another hug and Chris lets out a giggle as you do.

“Hey bud, why don’t you go upstairs for a few? I want to talk with Mommy alone before I head out,” Eddie suggests, putting his hand on your son’s head and messing up the little curls he got from his father. He nods and takes his bags upstairs, trotting along until you hear the door close.

You would be lying if you said that Eddie wanting to talk with you didn’t make you a little anxious. Given how happy your son was walking through the door, surely it couldn’t be anything bad right? Maybe this would be the right moment to bring up the research you’d done over the weekend and suggestion family counseling. 

“I’m glad you wanted to talk, Eddie. I’ve actually been thinking a lot over the weekend-“

“Is Harrington here?” Eddie questions, looking around for a moment before directing his attention back towards you, his face emotionless and his tone firm, but even.

“Uh, no. Believe it or not he’s not here all the time,” you chuckle out, crossing your arms and leaning against the end of the banister.

“I mean he’s been here almost every single time I drop Chris off, so yeah, I do find that hard to believe actually,” he grumbles out. You shoot him a confused look, not knowing where this jealousy is coming from. It was obvious at the party and it’s stinking up the room now.

“What is your problem with Steve? You know the two of us are friends. Hell, you two are even friends! At least you used to be. Did something happen between you two?” You question him.

Eddie pinches the bridge of his nose and starts pacing in place. You can tell whatever is bothering him is big, with his free hand balled into a fist and resting at his side and his eye sort of twitching a little, all signs you’ve picked up on over the years as classic Eddie Munson rage.

“The two of you just seem wayy closer than usual. I know what Harrington is like and it just seems like he’s trying to get in your pants!”

“I’m sorry, are you on a bad trip right now? I mean, I sure hope not since you were driving our son around, but regardless, do you hear yourself? Steve is just a friend who has been helping me with the shit that YOU left me to deal with Eddie! And you out of all people, have no room to be fucking jealous right now,” you bite back, pointing a finger into his chest. He lets out a huff and stares daggers in your eyes, which you don’t waste a second matching his energy.

“Me? You’re blaming this shit on me? You really think this whole thing is my fault?” He questions dramatically, hands moving to his chest as he speaks. You roll your eyes at the idiotic question.

“Because it is your fault! You’re the one who wanted to separate in the first fucking place! And you’re the one who started dating immediately after, so don't talk to me about moving on!” You nearly scream, trying to be a bit quieter than you want to be for Christopher’s sake. 

“Hurry up and get to your point then, Y/N,” he tells you, throwing his arms in your direction as if giving you the floor to speak.

“So don’t you find it just a little hypocritical? The fact that YOU are able to break up our family and go date some random girl, but if I show any sort of interest in Steve romantically, it’s a crime against humanity? I mean, c’mon Eddie, it’s ridiculous,” you explain before stalking off into the kitchen with a scoff. 

The rage inside you from the months of sadness and torture was bubbling to the surface, annoyance oozing out of your pores at his blatant disrespect for you during your difficult time. You throw the fridge door open and grab a bottle of water, needed some kind of drink to help you cool down, and now with Christopher home, you knew it wasn’t going to be a glass of red.

Closing the fridge, you open the bottle and turn to see Eddie standing at the kitchen entrance with his arms crossed and weight shifted all on one hip. You scoff and all but slam the bottle on the counter. 

“What now?” You ask, matching his stance and raising a brow.

“Are you and Steve together? Can you at least stop dodging around the question and answer me that?” He questions. You let out a laugh, complete disbelief taking over you. You match his stance and quirk a brow, waiting from to just say he was pulling your leg, only for his face to remain the same. There is no way he was being serious.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but no. We’re not,” you tell him, shaking your head.

“Could’ve fooled me.”

That tipped you over the edge. The persistence of his questions, pestering you about the issue like a stubborn child, knocked you of the rageful rope you had been teetering on and down to the pit of violence.

“God Eddie, what is with you lately? It’s okay for you to move on but heaven forbid I start talking with someone, it’s wrong, Edward? Why is it okay for you to break up our family, tear my heart to shreds, and behave so recklessly towards our son’s and my emotions? What gives you the fucking right?” You ask, stepping closer with every word you spoke, your hand coming into contact with his cheek with a loud smack once you finish.

You watch his warm brown eyes twist into disbelief for a moment, before softening at your expression. You didn’t realize you were beginning to cry until you felt a tear slip past your cheek, standing up straight and wiping it away quickly. You look at him for a moment, studying his frozen figure as he holds his ring clad hand to his cheek, the soft pale flesh quickly turning pink. 

“You can let yourself out,” you tell him, brushing by and exiting the kitchen. You turn the corner and fling yourself up the stairs and into your bedroom, slamming the door behind you. You felt your body sliding down your bedroom door, just as you did the day you found out he was seeing Shirley. The day you found out this separation wasn’t some cruel joke, but the harsh reality coming to tell you that your once happy marriage was officially over, and that the love Eddie once had for you was gone.

Eddie’s back straightens as his brain tries to catch up with everything that just happened, now left alone in the kitchen. He looks around for a moment to make sure he wasn’t dreaming, and that his wife-ex, just slapped him. His cheek stung, the prickling feeling taking over his face. You had never called him Edward before, it was always Eddie, Eds, or some sweet pet name before the separation. You also have never resulted into any kind of physical violence before when you two would fight, and neither did Eddie. He didn’t want to be like his father. 

Opening the freezer door, Eddie grabs a few ice cubes and a paper towel, tossing them in and twisting it into a ball. He winces as the cold hits his face, but is quick to relax and take in the soothing comfort of the dampening sheet. He exits the kitchen in no hurry, his feet dragging along with the rest of his body.

He pauses for a moment when he reaches the door, his hand hanging loosely on the handle. Had he really been so blind during the entire thing to see how upset you were? He knew he could be a bit clueless at times, but it never happened in regards to your actions or feelings, he made sure to always be attentive towards you. At least, he used to be.

Eddie’s head turns towards the stairs, contemplating whether he should go up and apologize for his actions, for acting like a child. You were right, he didn’t get the right to ask you if Steve was dating you, not after he started dating Shirley and initially broke things off. He watches as Christopher’s head slowly appears from behind the wall, a frown resting upon his lips as he sees his father with the paper towel resting on his cheek. Eddie’s eyes go wide at seeing his son, before his own mouth twists into a frown of its own. 

He knew Christopher was a curious child, so there was no denying he heard the entire thing play out. How upset his mother was, how much of a dickhead his father was being. The poor boy was too young for any of the shit he was currently going through, which just started reminding Eddie of his own upbringing. How he’d catch his parents going at it in the kitchen of their trailer, with Eddie’s head popping out to see the carnage in real time. Eddie was slowly starting to realize that he was doing the one thing he promised himself he wouldn’t.

The vow he made the day Christopher came into the world, the vow to be the best father to his beautiful baby boy, whose eyes shined bright like his own chocolate orbs. That he wouldn’t be a deadbeat like his own father and would do anything to protect Chris from the harsh realities of the world, and make his childhood a happy one he could look back on and smile about. That vow was bending more and more each passing day as the two of you fought and grew further apart. If he didn’t do something about his actions soon, that vow would snap in half, and no amount of repairs would mend it back together.

Shooting his son a sympathetic smile, he turns his head back towards the door as his hand twists the knob, retreating to Wayne's truck with the heavy sound of the door closing behind him. He knew he fucked up, there was no denying that. Twisting the key in the ignition, the engine roars to life and he slowly backs out of the driveway, taking the drive back to his apartment to think about everything he’s done to you in the past few months.

And how he can make it up to you.

[parachutingkitten]

Season 4 Analysis

STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I am going to be applying the concept of criticism to a TV show you presumably love and adore as much as I do. If you do not want your idea that the show is immaculate to be challenged, I would not advise reading past this point.

Mood for the season: It's a SuPeR fUn HaPpY pLaCe!!!!!

You don’t need to, but if you are interested, and haven’t seen my analysis of past seasons, you can find those here:

Pilot

Season 1

Season 2

Season 3

Hey guys! It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Season 4! We are here! I am SO biased with this season. It has problems man. It has ALL the problems! ALL the plot holes! ALL the stupid, stupid stuff, but I LOVE ALL OF IT! okay, let's back up. I'm about to drop some context on you. 

So, when you're a military brat you tend to make friends with whoever you can, and when I lived in Germany I had a friend who was fandom OBSESSED. She, at the time, was super into Homestuck, something I managed to avoid being sucked into, though I do know more about it than I would like. Anyway, this was the point at which I started getting sucked into Ninjago. So, I figured that if I could trust anyone with a strange obsession, it was her. I showed her the last episode of season 3, and she decided she was just going to dive head first into it with me. We watched season 4 together as it came out, we talked about it, had a bunch of inside jokes about it, I wrote some very short fanfiction about it, she made some OCs, one in particular that I remember was Stormy, a ditzy cloud master who wore pink, we shipped him with... one of my OCs, I don't remember. She hadn't watched the first two seasons, so I had to fill her in on a lot, but she was the first person I ever fandomed with, and it was over season 4. So I guess you could say season 3 was the grand beginning of my love for this show, and season 4 was the peak of my fangirl experience (at least for that phase of my life).

Plot

This season is a real mixed bag. Coming off the heels of the first season, nothing makes sense. Suddenly there are more elements, completely discrediting Lloyd's supposed power of four powers. And now it's genetic, which brings up the problem of Jay, who... if either Ed or Edna were masters, they would have slipped by now (but also like, how cool would it be if Edna just busted out with lightning powers) and then Zane who... doesn't have genes. It makes the world bigger, yes, but it also discredits the lore of the last two seasons, and brings up the question "Where the hell were the rest of the EMs when the Great Devour attacked? Or the stone warriors? Or the final battle?!" Anyway, it's a bit jarring and sudden to say the least. It definitely was not planned beforehand. There aren't even any hints in season 3. Like wouldn't it be cool if in season 3 we saw them go to the noodle shop, or Wu was really vague about elemental questions. It would make a lot more sense then. Idk. It opens the universe up to the plotlines of most of the future seasons, but it does sort of discredit the first two. This season is also kinda choppy feeling wise. You go from the mood the past season have had in the first episode to this sort of native tribal feel on the island, and then the factory and then back to Ninjago. It's kinda a mess. Overall it was just an excuse to put these characters in cool situations (which I have done before, I understand). Which I get, and it makes for some cool stuff, but I don't think any of it ends up meshing together super well in the end. When I think of this season I think of the tournament. I forget about the whole snake stuff at the end most of the time. I forget about the while Garmadon conflict. The fact that I forget that's there has to be a bad sign, right?

Characters

Character work this season is really pretty good for the most part! There are a lot of new characters. And they all are very distinct and fun, and even when two people you don't know especially well battle, you're still really invested. All of the Cole and Jay stuff is pretty good this season! Major upgrade from season 3. The whole fight scene is absolutely fantastic. Garmadon is freaking awesome this season. He keeps on trying to kill himself, and it's stupid, and the show sort of acknowledges that it's stupid, cuz Lloyd is just like 'dude, what the heck'. Kai's arch this season is pretty good, exploring his darker side and putting that intense conflict in front of him was good. I can tell you one thing, I like it a heck of a lot better than season 7, but we'll get to that when we get to that. So, yeah. Overall improvement in character! It doesn't dive super deep or anything, but it all works and is all interesting.

Skylor

So... she is one of the reasons I call this season the fanfiction season. We have a whole bunch of other elemental masters we've never heard of, and one of them their power is... all the powers. I can not tell you how much this ticked me off! And she hardly ever uses them! She has pretty much infinite power, and she doesn't think to use it, pretty much ever! There are no restrictions on her! This is what I hate Skylor for. And I do mean hate. BUT aside from that, strictly character wise she is done pretty well. She feels pretty fake and overly sassy at the beginning of the season, but there's a reason for that. It's an act. But it's not like she changed her personality to fool him, she intensified her personality to cover her intentions. Her arch feels pretty natural. That one scene where she does the evil laugh... that was weird. But aside from that, it feels okay. She was raised to think that lying and cheating is the norm, so when someone presents her with another option she begins to change. It makes sense. I love the scene where Kai and her look at each other through the prison bars and (even though their freaking legos) you can feel her realization that she's ashamed of what she's doing now. And after she makes the transition, she's just really chill. Like, I would like to hang out with her. I guess it is kinda sweet that even though she had all of the powers of... ever, at the end she's happy to just run her noodle shop. It's kinda poetic. Anyway, she may be a bit overpowered, and she feels like a bit of a Mary Sue, but overall her personality and interactions are enjoyable enough for me to mostly ignore that. I do agree that she is best used in moderation. She doesn't need to be part of the team. I wish we had a quick cameo each season, but whatever. What we have now in season 9 is nice, but she definitely needs to step back out of the spotlight in future seasons (knock on wood) in order to remain as likable as she's been.

Karlof

Love him. Freaking love him. Honestly, I probably relate to him the most. He's the first loser of the tournament, he avoids trouble, he sticks to what he knows, and he says it like it is. I love his interactions with everyone down in the noodle factory. He's like this perfect blend of optimism and pessimism. His interactions with Cole are beautiful. Their chemistry is really great. One of, I think everyone's favorite masters, and there's a reason why.

Shade

So... typical darkness character. Obviously selfish. But once the climax hits, I actually like him a lot. He kinda serves as an antagonist at first and then flips. It's kinda cool seeing a character with moral boundaries that far out. He's purposely suspicious to take attention away from Skylor, which I get. I think he has a lot of missed potential, but nonetheless, a decent character.

Neuro

I absolutely love his power! I love his manor, I love his voice. He may well be my favorite EM. I don't even know what else to say about this guy. If Karlof is who I am, Neuro is who I'd like to think I am. Calculated, calm, reasonable, and much like Karlof again, not too risky. I like him a lot. Cool guy. I like seeing how far he's willing to go for the ninja, and where certain lines are for him. It's kinda cool to watch. He could use a friend though. I HC he and Paleman hang out. Both quiet. Both reserved. Neuro could probably locate him in a room even if he's not visible. Idk. Anyway, I like him a lot! Great character.

Griffin Turner

Classic speedster. Good enough. Not much to say. He's fun. He's cool. He's what you'd expect. Decent screen time. None of it particularly character developing. For what he is, he's good at it.

Jacob

So, let's ignore the part where they made us think he was dead. He's a lot of fun. Good for them getting a blind character in there. Still confused on what his powers can... do? But I like his spunk. I think we all have a little soft spot for him.

Chamille

One of the only girls and she's pretty much evil. Why do girls have to be evil at one point to be interesting? Idk. Don't really care for her, don't really think much about her. Whatever. She's there. She serves her purpose. Fine. Okay. Moving on.

Paleman

Friggin love him. For the master of light to be invisible is a great move, and pretty creative. His voice is kinda obvious, but very distinct. It's a creative background character to have. I like him a lot. Again, I feel he could use some more love. See above Neuro HC. Like him a lot and... yay.

Bolobo

Kinda missed the "mother nature" pun... could have had at least one more female master... that's okay. He's cool enough. Kinda disappointing though. I mean, vines? Is that it?

Gravis

Gravity is a dang cool power. Idk what else to say. He doesn't get a ton of screen time, so it's hard to praise him too much, but yeah. I really like that. Actually had an FC (she was a villain but you know whateves) with the power, so seeing that be a real element they used is really cool.

Ash

I don't like him. He's very strange. He's just got that one laugh. He seems comically over the top a jerk. I like the way his mouth looks though. Unique and kinda cool. I was looking on his Wiki page, and it said he and Chamille kissed in the background at one point? Is that true? I am way curious now

Tox

Okay. She's nonexistent here, no personality. I guess she's kinda tough. Yeah, this gets confirmed later in season 9, when she speaks. But even there she's pretty nonexistent. Here's my idea. Instead of having all your females being 'tough' why not flip expectation on its head? I think it would be way funny and clever if the master of poison was super friendly, and bubbly, and genuinely a nice person. I'm thinking almost like Jay's (lightning... or I guess adopted) mom, levels of talkative and nice. Wouldn't that be kinda fun? Idk. Whatever. It is what it is.

Kapau and Chope

Best villains ever 10/10. 'Nuff said.

Romance

KAILOR

Okay, I freaking love them! They're not my favorite couple or anything, but they work really, really well… under certain conditions. There are a few bumps I can't ignore. Can we have a protagonist in the show who doesn't send googly eyes at their future love interest the first moment they see her? And remember when they made us think Kai and Skylor were related... yeah... why did we need to do that? That was... kinda uncomfortable. BUT other than that, Skylor is exactly what Kai needed. First, he needed a redhead. Duh. Second, he needed someone who would see right through his Kai shmoltz and be real with him. Third, she had to be fun. And finally, she needed to wear the pants in the relationship. And Skylor fills ALL of those requirements! I like that Kai falls for her right away, and I love that she doesn't think she likes him until... she totally does and it's like 'Oh SNAP!'. I love that weird scene where Chen walks around with Kai like he's already his son in law, that cracks me up! I guess I like them more in theory than in practice. It feels a touch forced, and it needed a bit more time. Point being, the beginnings of the relationship are extremely awkward and strange, but towards the end of the season, it gets good! I just wish we could see more :)

The... love... triangle

Alright, by now, you guys should know how I feel about these things. They suck. They're stupid. I hate them. They're pointless. And this season is... quite possibly the stupidest. So... the whole Garma-Wu-Sako... thing this season is that Wu wrote a letter to Misako a long time ago, and Garmadon stole it, and then... Misako *groan* used it to determine which of them she was going to marry... okay. Yeah, Garmadon, that was a crap thing to do. But you know what, he was evil. Wu should have just signed the thing when he wrote it. But also, Misako... WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' GIRL?! Why... would you let a letter... be the final deciding point? I don't get that. And my main problem is that she basically chose her husband based on his writing ability. The thoughts Wu had in the letter obviously directly express what Garmadon wanted to say. In the end, his feelings for her were still the same. The only thing different is that he didn't write it. He's not good with words the way Wu is. But the show treats it like he lied about his feelings, and didn't even like her. Like he was using her for personal gain or manipulation or something. Idk. The whole thing makes no sense. Now, maybe if he did something to make Wu directly look bad or disingenuous THAT would be understandable. But... idk. I don't get it. Misako sucks. Let's move on.

Villians

Chen

Chen is my favorite villain. Hands down. No competition. Any way you slice it. I friggin love the heck out of this dude. And here's why. First off, he's a very comedic villain that still remains extremely threatening, which is an extremely thin line to walk. I mean, think about it. With all the other villains, they were intimidating, and the henchmen provided the humor. Here, I guess you could say they flipped it cuz Clouse is pretty intimidating, but Chen is still crazy scary on his own. And here's how they do it: He's insane. Straight up, he has lost his mind. Nothing he does makes sense, but that's fine, cuz it probably makes total sense to him. You can laugh at the quirky things he does, but also live in fear knowing that he has trap doors installed EVERYWHERE. Why? Cuz he likes them! Is there a better reason than that when you're crazy! That was my problem with people with Pythor. He is so smart, why didn't he ever think that the devourer might eat him too?! There is no explanation. But with Chen, that doesn't matter! He wants to be a snake! Why? Why not?! No flaws in that thinking, right? This is also why I like Ultra Violet so much. She's the only one to rival his position, but because she's more of a side villain, I don't feel that's enough to dethrone him. With insane villains, you never have any idea what they're playing at, if it's smart, or how to counteract, cuz they're just insane. I mean, seriously,

"Chen, the ninja have figured out our plan, what should we do?"

"COOL! Let's tell EVERYONE our plan!"

And it works! I love his voice. Just the way he says things makes me so happy! He's having so much fun, and I have fun with him! 10/10 villain. Great work.

Clouse

I can't get past the voice. It sounds so over the top evil and... it's kinda annoying for me? He has a decent backstory and such, but whenever he's on screen I always find myself wishing it was Chen. He just sucks the fun out of everything and leaves nothing there, so most of his interactions aren't particularly interesting. I don't know. Never really thought much of him.

Humor

Needless to say everything with Chen works! Everything with the EMs works. Jay's whole Positive Thinking streak is amazing! There's not a lot that falls flat on its face. It's really pretty fantastic.

Favorite joke: too many to count. If I had to pick one...

Chen's: the reds, the purples, the super dark purples!

Drama

This season has some damn good drama. It has my personal most sad moment in all of Ninjago. I'm of course talking about Garmadon's death...  JK! XD I WAS LAUGHING ALL THE WAY THROUGH THAT SEQUENCE! But we’ll get to that later. Okay. But for real, my personal most heartbreaking moment is when we find out Pixal is scrapped (of course it's Pixal related) but seriously, watching this for the first time, it broke my heart hardcore. I audibly gasped. They have these conversations, and she realizes he doesn't remember her, and it hurts her because they were comPATABLE GOSH DANG IT! And then he starts remembering, and she knows she can't go with him, so she lies to him to give him the motivation to make it out, and then the reveal, and Zane's heart breaks, and your heart breaks. This whole scenario reminds me of my own writing, it has all these things I enjoy using. Distinctions between fantasy and reality, characters lying to each other to protect them, and an ending realization of total and complete emptiness. Of course, Pixal is added into his head, and all is fine and dandy. It works for this season but serves her worse in future seasons. Regardless, that moment when Pixal says 'scrapped' is the most depressing thing I've ever seen. All of the Zane drama this season works really well. Zane having an identity crisis is something I didn't think the show would handle. When Zane says he's just a clone if himself I was like 'oh, dang! They went there!'. It's almost like he's comparing himself to Cryptor, and it's some heavy stuff. Everything this season is shrouded in mystery. I love that. For the first half of the season or so, I really like the tournament stuff. But as we get Cole, and especially Jay in the noodle factory, that plotline gets much more interesting. I don't get into the Nya and Lloyd and Garmadon stuff that much. The stuff with Kai is okay. But overall, there's some good stuff.

Climax

Okay, so... I... I mean I like the build up. The thing with all the trucks is really good. Most of it was really pretty good with all the EMs doing stuff the ninja would usually do. But the whole ending thing, with getting mini Pythor involved, and you know. The whole Garmadon death thing. He died an honorable death and all that, but... idk, I can't get past Lloyd's voice. As he reads him off I just couldn't stop giggling! It's so overdramatic, they feel like they need to make Lloyd mad at his dad for whatever reason so he can come back at the last second, and it all feels so forced. And then the ending is super overly cheesy for how serious the show wants to take itself at that moment. Idk. I don't like it. One of my least favorite finales.

Spotlight episode

There are some good ones to choose from this season. Some real good ones. But the one I find myself watching the most is Ninja Roll. This episode doesn't have too high stakes, it doesn't make much sense, it's kind of pointless, but it perfectly encapsulates the reason I watch Ninjago. I don't know exactly why I watch Ninjago. I'm not into the action most of the time. The romance is cute, but not potent enough to warrant watching the show. The humor isn't revolutionary, the characters aren't especially deep. No, the reason I watch Ninjago is cuz it's fun. Ninjago is just a good time. It has just enough of all of those aspects to make for something I love. It makes me smile. With seasons 8, and especially 9, Ninjago has shifted into this darker action based, lore-driven thing, which I thought I would like, and I do, but I think it's lost a bit of that fun factor. In my opinion, Ninjago is it's best when it's self-aware, and doesn't take itself overly seriously. When you don't have to end the season on an ominous dark cliffhanger. I mean really. What is this? Chima? No. I just want to go hang out with the ninja and the gang, whatever it is their doing. This episode takes advantage of every situation a roller derby with the ninja provides. Of course Jay roller skates with his mom. Of course, Kai is incompetent at it. Of course, Chen cheats, of course, it all comes down to Lloyd. Of course, there's freaking buggies that Chen releases! This whole episode makes me smile and laugh and it has a good message. This is what I miss about Ninjago, and that's why it's my spotlight.

Misc

I know everyone always teases Jay about his TV show, but what about Kai and his wrestling career? I just feel like that would come up more often

I completely subscribe to the theory that Pixal was scrapped to fix Zane cuz they beat him up so badly when capturing. I'd kinda like to think Pixal even volunteered herself for it... ONE SHOT IDEA

I have to scratch... my face.

I need a number on the trap door to button ratio on the island

This season has my favorite intro of any season. Mainly cuz the remix is FIRE and I hate the fact that they don't have an extended version that sounds more like the opening itself. 

So all together, the word to sum up season 4 is fun. Definitely not technically the best, or the smartest, or the most well done, but it's my favorite because of nostalgia, my inner child, and because it makes me smile. I love this season.

- Maya (Parachutingkitten)

[im-fairly-whitty]

So...how did you feel about Pink's big reveal? I'm shocked and annoyed(?)

On Complexity of Character: Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz

I’m actually an armchair SU fan, I enjoy the show and got into it a couple summers back, but I don’t interact with the fandom at all online. I appreciate the lovely fanart I see across my dash sometimes, but I don't ever read the theories or rants or OC blogs or whatever. 

That said, as a lover of stories and animation, I do have Some Thoughts about what the show is doing character-wise with Pink and Rose’s character, and since you asked, here they are. All of the following are free-range and organic Wit thoughts, unexposed and uninfluenced by the greater fandom as a whole.

So first off I actually wasn’t surprised at all at the reveal, I’ve seen it coming for several episodes now, what with the memory flashbacks and subtle foreshadowing and all, and I actually thought that most all of the fandom knew too? That’s what I get for being unplugged I guess, today’s shocked reactions from everyone surprised me. 

And why was I surprised that everyone was surprised?

Well first off, it’s important to note that a prevalent and interesting continuing theme in the show is “nothing is what it seems.” 

While the show started as a relatively chill story with low stakes and little lore (just a bunch of colorful space friends eating ice cream and trying to shape-shift into cats on the beach) but as time goes on we’ve discovered that pretty much everyone and everything in the show is not nearly as two dimensional and simple as you are initially led to think they are. 

For example: Cool and collected Garnet is actually a forbidden fusion of two gems, ever-joking Amethyst is a physically malformed gem who is hiding crippling self-doubts, little Steven has untold and untapped abilities, book-smart Connie can fuse with Steven and has the skill to become a swordsman, terrifying and calculating space scout Peridot is an art loving goofball who needs love, a mirror is a trapped Lapis Lazuli. Heck, even centipeedle is revealed to be a horrendously mentally traumatized former space captain. 

The list goes on and on, but the basic pattern is that you meet a character that you think is a flat stereotype, that seems to be one dimensional, but then over time you realize they have hidden strengths and glaring flaws and buried secrets that make them far more complex and interesting to watch. This is good character writing that forces you not to take people at face value, to not automatically accept what they do as “good” or “bad,” but to actually pay attention to why they do what they do, and not just what they do. 

Real people always exist in a grey area where we try to do our best but often come up short because of our personal weaknesses and conditioning, and really well-written characters exist in this same grey area.

So what about Pink Diamond and Rose Quartz? Well they’re the biggest and grandest example of this pattern in the entire show. 

Think about it, who are the two flattest, most arguably two-dimensional characters in the entire show? People who are portrayed as either ALL-good or ALL-evil? 

It’s these two. 

Part of this comes from the fact that they’ve both been “dead” (to varying degrees of course) for a long time, meaning that everything we hear about them is stylized and influenced by the viewpoint of whoever is telling us stories about them. 

First we learn of Rose Quartz: the dashing and brilliant rebel leader who fought for freedom and defended the week, the angelic and perfect leader of the crystal gems who loved Greg and humanity and who to this day smiles down on the Gem’s temple from her beautiful portrait over the front door. I mean come on, her tears can literally heal and resurrect, it’s hard to create a more obviously savior-type character than that. 

On the other hand we are later introduced to evil incarnate, Pink Diamond. When we first learn about her she is a cryptically powerful and faceless diety that was as overwhelmingly cruel as her diamond sisters, someone who ruthlessly ruled the Earth and tried to exterminate humanity and the rebel group rising against her. She was a terrible danger that had to be destroyed to protect the planet and ultimately even the subjects under her who are shown as having lived in a nigh-dystopian society. It doesn’t help when we start to learn later that she was essentially the kid sister of the diamonds, a bratty child capable of throwing tantrums and disobeying directions to get what she wanted.

Rose Quartz and Pink Diamond: Two extremes, both rather two dimensional in that one is ALL good and the other is ALL bad.

Until we meet Bismuth. It’s when Bismuth reveals that Rose Quartz bubbled her that things start to get interesting, because this tidbit suddenly seems to challenge everything that Steven thought his mother stood for. 

That’s when I sat up straight and really started paying attention, because if a perfectly perfect character suddenly has one potential flaw in a show of wonderfully nuanced characters, then I was suddenly convinced that we were about to find out that Rose Quartz was riddled with all kinds of interesting flaws and secrets. The show’s character-revealing magic had finally started to work on Rose and I was excited to see where it went.

As clues and hints about Rose Quartz started dropping we were also pulled into learning more about Pink Diamond and her “death,” or more specifically, the complications around how she was supposed to have died. I especially like the episode where Stevonnie saw vision/flashback/dreams of Pink being treated as a child, ie. not a terrifying and supremely evil overlord.

With Rose and Pink both having extra dimensions and backstory heaped onto their characters at the same time, sliding them both away from either side of the character spectrum from all good and all evil, I figured it was only a matter of time before they met in the middle. Rose Diamond, Pink Quartz, whatever this mess of a character is, it’s a beautifully complex one and she is forcing every viewer to reconsider what they thought and assumed about Pink and Rose up to this point. 

Instead of a savior and a despot, we now have one well-meaning young leader who made a LOT of extremely questionable choices that ended in a lot of people living and a lot of people dying, and even more living with some kind of lasting trauma.

I for one am very interested to see what we learn next about the real Rose Diamond/Pink Quartz, because now instead of hearing glorified war stories or bitterly hateful ghost tales we’re going to be hearing more about a real person with real flaws and real weaknesses. 

A lot of the backlash I’ve seen drifting across my dash today seems to be people who are mourning the death of a perfect character, whether it is the savior-like Rose or the all-powerful Pink, and they’re right, both of those characters as we’ve known them have disappeared for good. 

But I don’t think it’s a cause for grief or anger. I for one am kicking back with a bucket of popcorn to see how the show handles the combining of its two most powerful characters into someone new that is going to have an incredibly interesting story to tell that we’ve never heard before.

And don’t forget that as we discover more truth about the past, we’ll also be discovering things we hadn’t seen before about the present, and then realizing things about the future as well.

Because in this show, nothing is ever as it seems, and the more that Steven discovers about his mother, the more he’ll discover about himself too.