#and i'm sorry for taking HRT because i decided to be happy and do things for myself

[transgenderpolls]

Submission Guidelines/Disclaimers

First, things to keep in mind when you submit:

there is a limit of 12 answers for polls, and on this blog one of those answers will always be 'show results,' to allow for people that the poll doesn't apply to to see without skewing data. so in reality you have a maximum of 11.

there's also an 80-character limit on the options

SO, if you go over those limits, know that I will take it into my own hands to decide which answers to omit and/or how to re-word it to fit the limit.

even otherwise, expect that the wording of your submission may be slightly altered in order to be more inclusive (when it doesn't affect the data), or because i think you missed an option that you probably meant to include, or just to make it sound less clunky. if you have an issue with any changes upon posting, i'm happy to hear you out.

tbh i may also alter it heavily if i cannot imagine for the life of me why your poll is worded/split up the way it is. like, sorry, i truly do not think that whether someone is transmasc or transneutral would affect their ability to take off a binder without taking off their shirt. if i can instantly think of a smarter way to split it up and collect more thorough data i'll do it.

depending on how many submissions i have it could be anywhere from a day to a week before you see it posted.

if your poll is addressing a very small group, don't be surprised or angry when the 'see results' poll is the biggest. that needs to be there to keep data from being skewed by anyone's curiosity.

Base Guidelines For Submitting:

poll must be related to being trans. it doesn't have to be exclusively directed at trans people, but if you want cis people to be allowed to answer, please make that clear in your submission. otherwise i'll default to it being a trans-only poll.

it CAN be directed at a specific type of trans person, such as trans men/women, non-binary people, trans lesbians, trans moc, etc - literally you can address any specific trans group you want, just make sure to say so.

it CAN relate to sex, just try to be tasteful about it.

What would make me NOT post a submission:

if it's an opinion poll about the validity of any particular type of trans person. "validity" is a moot topic and i'm not going to encourage it, and in any case i'd like the focus of this blog to be about recording experiences (real, undeniable, forever in stone) rather than opinions (always changing, meaningless)

if it's too niche and/or would just make a pointless poll. like, you guys, phalloplasty is expensive as fuck. if you wanna know info about it you're better off just finding someone who's had it and talking to them.

if it's something like "trans people: do you like pineapple on pizza?" or some other question that doesn't actually have anything to do with being trans. if you wanna send something like this, make your case for why it's relevant that the poll is directed at trans people.

if it's some other obviously offensive shit, obviously. no racism or whatnot here.

FAQ:

Who counts as trans?/Can I vote on a poll for trans people if I'm nonbinary?

We self-define here, so if you consider yourself trans, you're trans. Non-binary is definitionally under the trans umbrella - though you're not obligated to consider yourself trans if you don't relate to a trans experience.

Why isn't there an option for X?/You missed an option.

Sometimes I may genuinely miss an option, but 9 times out of 10 the lack of the option is either due to the poll limits on tumblr, or because it goes against the point of the poll. For example, if the question begins with "If you're on HRT," then "i'm not on HRT" isn't going to be an option. If the prerequisite of the poll doesn't apply to you, then what you click is "see results." If it's something a little less concrete, polls will always include some kind of "other" option anyway.

Can you make more polls for X type of trans person?

*I* make polls based off what I'm personally curious about. If you're curious about something, submit it!

Can you get rid of the 'see results' button? Or can you not include it on this particular poll? I only want X people to respond. This poll is ONLY for X people.

If a poll is on this blog, it's for everyone, questioning and simply curious people included. It's also not going to stop curious people from clicking if there's no 'see results' button. It ensures that the data doesn't get skewed, and gathering data is what polls are for. It doesn't hurt you to see a big see results bar. The data is still there. If the bar does wind up obscuring more significant data, that means the poll was addressing too small of a group to begin with. And that's NOT the end of the world. This blog is far from the only place where you can get information about other trans people's experiences.

[correctingcuntboys]

Sorry you're getting hate from kink critical folks. I don't get why some trans people are so mean to others just because they don't process trauma the "right" way. For most people into detrans and misgen play, this is a way to reclaim our bodies in the context of violence and abuse.

And god, they shouldn't try to play the oppresion card because we are all trans here and come from many different contexts. Assuming we have some sort of priviledge just because of the kinks we are into is terrible. (Also, so-called Western contries are awful to trans folks—I recently found out Finland has a policy of forced sterilization for people who want to transition! As someone who lives in Mexico and always gets this picture of how amazing Europe is, this surprised me a lot).

Anyway. Just wanted to tell you that I love seeing your posts on my dash and even though I don't know you, you have helped me to become more comfortable with my sexuality. I appreciate a lot what you do in here providing a safe space for trans folks like me. I am sure many others feel the same.

Thank you for this so much. <3

And yeah, 'Western' countries (I'm speaking about European countries mostly, as I don't know much about outside of Europe) sure have some privilege - but it still doesn't mean it's so good here. I'm not gonna say waiting 5 years in a queue to be able to see a doctor who can prescribe you HRT is equally as bad as not being able to get HRT at all because it might be illegal - that's pretty obvious. But there is literally no country that's actually good for trans people, and comparing abuse that happens in different ones is a shitty move. And assuming that everyone in Europe has it good is just so stupid - trans people in Hungary can't change their legal gender at all right now, trans people in Poland have to take their parents to court and actually argue with them about their identity so a judge can decide if they're 'allowed' to be trans! In Scandinavian countries, countries that are supposedly great for LGBTQ+ people, you have to wait several years to be seen by a specialist, similarly as in the UK, which is also supposed to be great (well, maybe less so now that TERFs are taking over).

I can openly admit that I'm privileged when it comes to certain things - because I am, in more than one way. But there's no such thing as 'being privileged as a trans person'. There just isn't. No matter how happy I am to be trans.

[haloguyfttp]

Hello friends, Rode here. Sorry in advance for this long, rambly post. I do hope you'll listen, otherwise feel free to scroll past.

For many years I have despised pictures of me, long before I understood I was trans. I think many others are familiar with the feeling too.

Combining this with me having been overweight for most of my life (over half my life now in fact), with my weight now having exceeded 130kg for the past 2-3 years, my relationship to photos has been poor. But now that I understand more of myself, and perhaps because it wass 1am and I was immensely bored, I decided to try it. I took some pictures of myself, mostly curious if I'd hate it.

Strangely enough, I don't. And so here I am now, attaching them here.

It's funny. I took the first picture scared, afraid, ready to delete it as soon as I open it in the gallery. Then I looked, and it was fun, so i took a 2nd. And then finally, a 3rd to make up for the 1st one.

I'm still in the same body. I haven't started HRT (seriously I wish I could) or gotten any other stuff done. Funnily enough this, my one & only long sleeved shirt makes me feel best (what is it with these things and feeling feminine? Works for like Bridget too). And for once, I felt happy to take a picture of myself.

Maybe one day I can be brave enough to take off my mask. And not just the one I was physically wearing. Maybe I can find someone who accepts both the happy proud me, and the depressed gloomy me. Maybe I can finally be happy, even if I have to continue this exhausting war against myself until then.

I hope that day comes soon. Because for just a few short minutes, I felt closer to my dream than I ever have before.

[trans-zhongli]

so this is a legitimate question and i know i should be researching this instead of asking my 12 total active followers but. i don't actually know the truth about the whole "giving trans kids hormones before they're adults" thing. does it truly have the side effects people say it does? by that i mean sterilization. and is it possible to destransition later if you're on puberty blockers/HRT growing up? what's the difference between puberty blockers and HRT? is one safer than the other? does psychology say it's worth it for trans kids to risk the side effects to be able to transition? are the side effects not as bad as people claim? im genuinely curious because like

if it's a permanent and unchangeable decision/has very severe side effects like sterilization, that makes me have a really conflicted opinion. because growing up trans i know how shitty it is to deal with puberty while you're also trying to determine your gender, and it would be especially terrible for kids who suffer from more dysphoria than i do, and those who already know they're trans. so i really don't know. if the side effects are as permanent as i've heard then it makes me wonder if a kid can actually consent to that without knowing what they might want in the future. destransitioning happens to adults, too, not just children. but like. I GET IT. dysphoria is HARD. puberty makes it MUCH more difficult to transition later. so idk.

i need to look into it more but it's such a political fuckfest that i don't know what sources to trust about it. so i don't really have an opinion on it yet. i want trans kids to be as safe and healthy as possible, and i support kids' rights to bodily autonomy of course. in the meantime until i learn more i'll go with what i think is probably the best option in either case: leave it up to the child and their doctor and no one else should get a say.

it sucks that trans healthcare is such a big issue. i think it's a good thing to have some (positive) therapy and dr visits before deciding to transition, because it's a hard choice to make, but i also can't speak for everyone. some people know exactly what they need and i'm not going to force them to get told what they already know, yknow. it also allows the system to take advantage of a "waiting period" of required therapy to make it as difficult as possible for trans people to get the healthcare they need, which is shitty.

overall, idk. im trans but my desire to transition kinda extends as far as wearing a binder when i feel like it, i don't mind looking feminine and being bigender i don't want to get rid of any options for expressing my gender. so i don't really understand how it feels to be in the position where you truly do need to transition to be happy with yourself. but i hope everyone who does gets exactly what they need, without judgment or jumping through hoops. i wish things like this could just stay between a person and their doctor and out of the business of everyone else who doesn't understand. if anyone wants to tell me more about the issue im happy to listen and learn.

sorry for the long post ✌️

[oceansatedogs]

i'm tired of being god's strongest soldier. i want to be god's babygirl instead

[mysticetus]

I know you’ve talked about this before on your old blog, but why do you believe Paul is trans? I don’t mean that in a “he’s cis ur making stuff up1!!1” way. More like..what are your reasons for believing he is trans. I love love love your Petscop analysis posts and just wanted to hear your take on it bc I saw an annoying post about how he is 1000% cis and like. I knew you’d be able to word it better than I could.

I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable btw! I remember your post about people making Petscop just about him being trans and that’s not what I’m trying to do here. It feels wrong to even word it like that. Sorry again!

hi there! no need to apologize i am very happy to answer this. thankyou for checking in though. sorry if this gets ranty/incoherent i just woke up

"paul is trans" really is a beast isnt it. the only reason i was talking about how i personally dislike when people focus too hard on him being trans is it tends to eclipse the things i read as the main themes of petscop. and those themes are very intense and difficult, and call for respect. while lgbt people absolutely can and should be included in these narratives the unfortunate nature of the internet is people tend to fixate on the fact theres lgbt people and then overlook anything else the art has to say.

its tough because in the case of petscop paul being trans has extreme importance to the effectiveness of the work. because its a series about abuse and trauma, and the lasting effects of those things. the main case study is care, and the narrator is paul. its heavily implied that paul and care are connected in some way, either being the same person or reflections of each other. the narrative that means the most to me, personally, and that i think is the most potent, is one that involves care and paul being the same person, full stop. how you decide to connect those dots also basically defines how grounded in reality you think the series is.

you can start pulling things like alternate timelines converging or some sort of AI to explain why/how these two are the same person. the simple fact is that the trans reading is the most grounded in reality, because theres nothing supernatural going on there. and the reason i don't personally like reading things in petscop as literally reality breaking is it takes away from the potency of its metaphors. is petscop literally anachronistic? is rainer literally an entity inside the game? life can certainly feel this way if you've undergone something similar to what the characters experience.

petscop explores how someone can be completely changed and transformed over time. in the case of care/paul, its an illustration of the relationship with the child self. and if petscop is using more literal representations to illustrate metaphors anyway, i think paul being trans fits into this very neatly. theres obviously countless ways to "be" trans, theres countless trans experiences, but the one care/paul implies - an afab person who at some point began hrt to physically transition - thats one i have personal experience in, and one i feel comfortable talking about. and as someone who has undergone/is undergoing this its very powerful. because in the case of being transmasc and taking t you are literally transforming and becoming unrecognizable, and people will project meaning onto that, positive or negative. people will start mourning your past self as if they died, you start feeling a disconnect from yourself in your past. it is very much a form of rebirth. this is why i can't very much blame people for making petscop about being trans, or only seeing it that way, because the trans narrative fits inside something that is vaguely telling a trauma recovery story.

and this is where i feel a need to say, while everything i just said is true, and i experience these things, it is 100% by no means only because i'm trans/physically transitioning. in fact, it actively pisses me off when people try to project that meaning onto me. because things one can experience because they're trans are also things one can experience because of trauma. and when the cause is the latter, it's insulting to say "oh this is because you're trans right" .....and im not sure i can properly put into words why it pisses me off so much. probably something to do with agency, because physically transitioning is a wholly positive thing in my life that i am actively deciding to do, whereas an adverse experience is something inflicted upon you and is essentially life destroying. obviously polar opposite experiences. one of these is a very personal part of my identity, and the other isn’t supposed to be there and you’re implying it’s part of my identity!  aah!

so theres an obvious need to be delicate when discussing these things. but we will never know what tony's original intention was, so all we can really do is express what the art means to us, so thats what im doing here. as you can see i make petscop really personal, but that's not even the inherent nature of the work. i can sit here and tell you how its about someone slowly coming to terms with things that happened to them in their childhood and it wont change anything because its just my reading. basically, youre not killing orphans or whatever because you read it in a different way or treat it differently. but there is an objective truth that the series addresses child abuse and trauma, and calls for some degree of respect because of it. so maybe it makes sense why "paul says trans rights" makes me go :/

to try and answer this question, i think paul is trans because i think that paul and care being the same person in a context that's grounded in reality is essential to the work functioning in the way i take to be its intended way. if the work wants to explore dissociative amnesia, flashbacks, identity, and processing trauma, paul's story has to be care's story without any sort of supernatural "paul's memories are merging with someone else's memories and he's scared and confused because of it". otherwise it becomes disrespectful, because it paints these very real experiences as absurd and otherworldly, and surely they could never actually happen right? the trans reading just sits best with me.

thank you for asking me to talk about this!

[adhdeancas]

Hey I'm being mentally ill on main again but like I just really want some kind of reunion scene between Claire and Jimmy but Claire never knew Jimmy was trans and Claire was just starting to socially transition to being a girl when Cas took Jimmy the first time so they have like. These things that change each other's perception of the other but it only makes them closer.

oh your mind your mind, how i love you

Claire visits her dad in heaven

“Dad?” The word slips out of Claire’s mouth before she can think about it, the emotion of the moment overriding her common sense. It has to be Cas. She knows what Jack said, promised, but… it can’t be. Not really.

Jimmy turns around. “Claire-bear!”

He smiles wide and opens his arms, and Claire remembers this day. The waning afternoon sun, the barbeque seasoning covering his hands up to his wrists, the pork chops laying forgotten on the counter beside him in favor of greeting her. She takes halting steps to him, not trusting it completely. His grin is unwavering; he swipes a finger across her forehead and paints it orange with spice. 

She had giggled, she remembers. That day, she had giggled and wrapped her arms around his middle and told him about her time at Sadie’s house. This time, she stands still and looks. 

“Claire?” 

Jimmy’s smile drops, just for a moment. “Hi, Dad.” She can see him realizing like he’s coming out of a dream, realizing that the girl standing in front of her is not his 8 year old. “Yeah, I’m… I’m not in your head.”

He looks around the kitchen, eyebrows furrowed. Claire looks around too, at the family home that seems like it’s from a lifetime ago, at the decorative plates that she sold on Ebay after her mom left, the favorite one she’d smashed to bits on a bad night. The pictures of the life that got ripped away from her. “Your mom’s making mac n cheese… with the pork chops,” he says quietly. “Sound good?”

Claire bites her lip. Jimmy keeps staring out the kitchen window. “Dad, look at me.” She reaches out and grabs his hand hard, crushing his knuckles under her grip. He looks at her.

“Claire, you’re-” He frowns, eyes flitting over her. She looks down self-consciously. Her ripped jeans and beaten up tank wouldn’t exactly have flown in her childhood home, let alone the tattoos climbing their way up her arm. Protective sigils and Kaia’s doodles, stick-and-pokes from Alex. And she does look a little… different from when he last saw her. Boobs, for one thing. A decade and HRT will do that for you.

“Yeah, I know. I grew up.” It comes out a little harsher than she’d intended. Jimmy flinches back out of her grasp, tearing up.

“You must hate me.”

She crosses her arms and swallows. “Yeah, I do.” She sighs. “You left me. When I was just a kid. When I had just told you-” that I was a girl. She clears her throat. “You walked out and demons waltzed right into our life. And mom- mom was just a shell. Her perfect husband? Gone. My perfect dad?” she wiped the seasoning off her forehead with a fist. “Gone. And I had to raise myself. I had to figure out how to survive… alone.” Jimmy hangs his head, tears slipping down his face. Claire steps closer and waits until he looks back up at her. “But you know what? I learned a lot. About me, about you…” She shakes her head. Cas had shown her the miniscule scars on his chest, barely visible after years of healing. Only visible because Cas let them be. “So yeah, I hate you. And I love you. And... I get it. I would’ve gone too far, too, to do the right thing.” She had a few times. “I would’ve sacrificed myself to save the people I love.” She had tried to, for months after Kaia… 

Jimmy looks down at his feet. 

“I forgive you. I forgive you for all of it. Everything.” 

Her dad blinks. He looks at her. “Claire,” he pulls her close and hugs her and this time, she lets him. She lets herself sink into her dad’s arms and feel safe, because this time it isn’t a dream. This time his eyes won’t blink black and he won’t cough up blood and she won’t feel the burn of Castiel’s grace inside her. This time it’s actually her dad, even if she’s only visiting his slice of heaven, and he actually sees her. “My beautiful daughter. Claire, I’m so sorry.”

Claire pulls away sniffing. “Let’s skip over the mushy stuff while I’m here, ‘kay?” Jimmy nods gratefully. “Wanna play Uno?”

Jack had slipped her a pack of cards before she’d gone in, and she pulls them out now. Surprisingly, they’d been a good idea. Jimmy grins. “Yes. Yes, I do.”

“Cool. Then you can tell me why you never told your trans daughter that you were the one who gave birth to me.”

Jimmy’s laugh comes out tinged with tears, but they’re the giddy kind, the kind that can’t believe this is happening. They sit at the table and Claire deals. “Your mom didn’t want-”

Claire waves him off. “Yeah, yeah, fine. Amelia.” she snorts and looks up, and Jimmy’s wearing the same bittersweet expression. “You start.”

Jimmy takes a moment to look at his cards, but Claire knows he’s thinking of what to say. “You look good.” he finally decides. He lays a card down. “I never got to tell you after- when I came back…” Claire presses her lips together and stares at her own hand. “The long hair suits you.”

Claire runs a hand through her hair, swearing to herself she isn’t blushing. “Yeah, my girlfriend thinks so too.” she ventures, laying down a +4 card like a challenge. “Green.”

Jimmy’s expression is an indescribable mix of happy and proud. Claire has only seen it on his face a few times, ironically mostly with Cas’s subdued version. He takes four cards like it’s nothing. “Well, she has good taste.”

Claire’s mouth twists into a grin. “Yeah. I’m lucky to have her. Lucky to have everybody I’ve got.”

“I’m… I’m so glad, Claire.”

His voice has turned strained. She squints at him. “That includes you, dumba-” He raises an eyebrow and she stops. “Dad.” 

Jimmy reaches across and grabs her hand. “Claire-”

“I’ve kinda got an in with God now, so, you’re probably gonna be playing Uno a lot more,” she says casually, taking her hand away so she can keep playing. She doesn’t look up at him.

“I like Uno.”

“Good.” She lays down another +4. “Yellow.”

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Hey, so I'm force to go to this xenophobic church in Manhattan- they even have an organization where they go to abortion clinics and coerce people w/ uteruses to not go forward with the abortion (they are very open with promoting this organization). I stopped paying tithes to them a long time ago, because knowing what I know abt the intricacies of childbirth & what it's like to be LGBTQ+ in particular, I literally cannot support what the church is doing bc I believe its harmful (1)

Today my mom and I were talking about finances and I’ve been in a sort of bind recently because I’ve had to pay off credit cards, one of which I used to pay for repairs to my car & another person’s car when I got into an accident over the summer, plus I still have my biweekly car payments to worry about. I’ve been managing, but I dont really have much money to myself, and because everyone’s out at either work or school, I normally buy food for myself because no one is home to cook. (2)

My mom straight up told me that the reason why I have been broke is b/c I’m not paying tithes, which kind of took me off guard bc I thought it was because I wasnt putting in as much hours for school (I have a two day break on Monday-Tuesday but decided not to put in any extra hours because I didn’t want to overwork myself like last semester + my mental health has been extremely poor). (3)

Since she said that I’ve been in a sort of panic mode, that maybe I won’t be able to be myself in the future and get surgery/HRT and find a suitable partner (I’m an aro/ace trans guy and I desire to be in a qpp with another guy), which has been debilitating because I’ve been seriously struggling with my social skills, and have literally only two friends that I’ve been keeping contact with occasionally, though its difficult because we have all gone on separate paths due to life basically (4)

Anyways this is a super long ask but I felt like it needed context because the fact that I suck as socializing & making friends has affected my self-esteem and mental health to the point where I have thoughts of s*icide, among other things, including flashbacks of traumatic events that I wouldnt have otherwise remembered. Basically I wanted to ask- am I wrong for not paying tithes to this church? Will God punish me for not paying tithes to this church? (5)__________

Hey there, anon. I’m so sorry for the delay in answering this, I’ve been having some mental health issues of my own so I’ve been taking a little break from this blog. I hope that you are hanging in there, and that things might even be looking up for you since you sent this in. 

I’m sorry that you are experiencing so much distress right now; and that your mom’s comments have added to it. I know that money is tight for you right now, but if at all possible, I recommend seeking professional help to guide you through dealing with the flashbacks of traumatic events and all that; some therapists offer sliding scale payment options for patients who need it. I know that’s not what you’re asking about though, so on to tithes.

I 100% think you’re making the right decision not offering your money to this church. You disagree with their ministry and do not see God’s will in it; giving them money would be contributing to those ministries.

People offer tithes (or a smaller fraction of their financial income) to their faith community as an expression of gratitude to God, a willing response to God’s activity in that faith community. You see God’s movement in a community, and you want to be a part of that movement; so you offer financial gifts to keep the movement going. Generosity should never be pressured out of a person, it should never feel like an obligation; if the Holy Spirit is moving you to give, you’ll feel a real desire to give. 

Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 8:11-13 about our financial offerings coming from a place of desire, not obligation: 

“And in this matter I am giving my advice: it is appropriate for you who began last year not only to do something but even to desire to do something—now finish doing it, so that your eagerness may be matched by completing it according to your means. For if the eagerness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has — not according to what one does not have.“ 

That above quote teaches us several things about offerings made to our faith communities, the first of which applies directly to your current situation, while the other two apply to giving in general:

It assures us that we should give what we desire to give – that desire and eagerness will come to us naturally when we truly hear God’s Word read, proclaimed, and acted out. 

The quote also assures us that one only has to give “according to what one has, not according to what one does not have” – so even if you one day find a faith community wherein the Spirit moves you to desire to give, 10% of your current income is probably more than you have to give at the moment, and that’s okay.

Finally, Paul doesn’t specify finances in this quote – what you give to a church whose mission you believe God approves of doesn’t have to be money, especially if money isn’t something you have at the moment. It might be your time or your skills, your voice or your strength, your art or your presence – whatever unique gifts God has given you that you can use for the good of God’s world. 

If you don’t see God’s activity at this church, and thus are not moved to a genuine desire to offer what money you can, don’t do it. God does not oblige us to give money just for the sake of giving it; it’s not a task to check off the list of things you need to do in order to “earn” God’s love or blessing in your life. You don’t have to do a single thing to “earn” God’s love and blessing; God gives these things freely to each of us. 

Sometimes we don’t recognize that love and blessing clearly, because for better or worse God isn’t a micro-manager who swoops in and makes everything work out perfectly in our lives. Instead, humanity’s free will has built up systems that keep many of us poor, many of us oppressed; people who don’t “deserve” to suffer…suffer. Not from any fault of theirs, not because they failed to “earn” God’s help or because they did something to bring God’s punishment on them – but because that’s just the way this world is right now. It hurts people who should be protected. Even so, we trust that God is there – God is there with you in the midst of your distress, your struggles to make ends meet, your pain at the trauma you’re reliving. 

You aren’t broke because you’re not paying tithes; you’re broke because our world is broken and forces students to work long hours on top of keeping up with schoolwork and mental health stuff. I’m so sad and mad on your behalf that you’re stuck in this situation, and I hope things improve really soon.

Friend, I promise you, there will be a future where you’re able to go on hrt, where you are able to live as your full self, where you have friends and a qp partner and where you are happy and loved. There will be a future where you find a faith community that you’re thrilled to give back to, whether that’s your time and talent or your money or all of the above, because you truly see God’s activity in the work they do. It sucks that these things aren’t all true for you here and now, but I believe in that future for you. In the meantime, I promise you: God’s with you, unconditionally. 

[askanonbinary]

Hey there. I'd like some support please as right now I'm bringing myself into a dark place (emotionally). Long story short, I'm AFAB and had come out as FTM over a year ago. This has improved my life drastically, made things easier to handle, overall I felt comfortable for once in my existence. After I first came out, of course I was very eager to try out all of this "manly" stuff. I concentrated on masculine mannerisms, wearing strictly "men's" clothes, had a resistance to makeup. (part 1).

My appointments with the Gender Clinic are coming along nicely. They’ve even given me the “thumbs up” for HRT and I have been diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria. I’m happy to start hormones, as there are things such as having a high-pitched voice that brings on the discomfort, and I know for sure I’m opting in for chest surgery. It’s just that… lately, I’ve been allowing myself to explore my gender presentation a little more, and to think about things. I know I came out as FTM, but.. (part 2).

But it just doesn’t feel… well, at first I felt “yes! I’m a boy! I have always been a boy!” but now that I’m out socially, and my hormone treatment is going to begin soon… I begin to realise that I don’t feel 100% male. In fact. I don’t really feel like anything sometimes. Just me. Just myself. Now, nobody knows about this besides you. The fact that I’ve transitioned socially makes this awkward. I feel shame. Nothing but shame, and I know there’s nothing to be ashamed of but.. (part 3).

But I can’t help the shame, I can’t stop the shame, and it’s only hurting me. Originally I wanted to start HRT to pass as a full-time male, but then I’m realising that I don’t feel comfortable being too masculinised and would rather take T short-term to deepen my voice and then pursue top surgery. I realise that deep down I don’t feel comfortable being seen as 100% male. And I know there’s no “right” way to be a man, yet… oh dear, everything is awkward. (part 4).

I read about non-binary and it feels like it suits me more. And I then see a lot of rubbish online about “non-binary being fake”, the “2 genders” thing and “special snowflakes” and I’m scared about backlash. I know this is the wrong way to think, that things are okay, and my feelings are valid. But I keep trying to shove away this part of myself, and it’s awful. It doesn’t help that the NHS here doesn’t cater too well to non-binary transition. I can’t talk with them about it. (part 5).

It scares me, my parents and friends are waiting for my therapy. Everyone knows me as a male. They think I’m staying on hormones full-time, but I might not. I might stop halfway through. I might not feel comfortable with male pattern baldness (not saying it will happen), the fat redistribution or infertility. I might not be comfortable with hair growing on my chest. Even if I can shave it off. It’s a different part of dysphoria. I know this is more of a vent than a question. (part 6).

I’m very stressed. I can’t think. I don’t even know what I’m saying. And honestly, I’m so very sorry if anything comes out as offensive! I really didn’t mean to.. I brought up the NHS as they don’t know about this feeling. If I discuss it with them, they may take me off hormones or keep the HRT further back. I can’t wait any longer than I have. I just need to stop feeling ashamed, disgusted and scared of being non-binary. I need to accept myself, but I find it hard… I wish I knew what to do..

Mostly, I just want offer you the biggest, warmest hug and pile of love. I think you’re being way too hard on yourself. Recognizing exorsexism/transphobia and unlearning it are two very different processes. We live in a very binary, transphobic society. Even when you recognize problems, that doesn’t mean it absolves you of your thoughts or emotions. Unworking and untangling all this is a difficult journey. So don’t beat yourself up because you have hurtful or invalidating thoughts or feelings or reactions! That’s a part of being human. Being nonbinary doesn’t make this process any easier. We’re just as exposed to exorsexism and transphobia as everyone else. It just impacts us more personally.

As for re-coming out, you don’t have to. You’ve absolutely no reason to feel any shame for better discovering who you are, but if you’re not ready to or plain just don’t want to, you do not need to tell this to anyone else. Don’t force yourself to put your mental health in jeopardy for some odd sense of what you feel you have to because you don’t. It is hard to come out as nonbinary! It’s hard to come out when you’ve already come out as something else! It’s hard to come out, and that’s I say that doing so is an incredibly personal thing for ourselves. You should want to come out or need to come out if you’re going to come out. You don’t have any “duty” or “responsibility” to come out again here.

However, I will encourage you to follow what you want regarding HRT. If you want to stop HRT at some point, then you should do so! You can always get back on hormones if you decide later. This is your decision - you do what you need to in order to achieve the transition you’re looking for.

Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. You are always welcome here, okay?

~ Mod Sock

[a-gender-less]

Hey Drew! I've just looking through your blog and it has really helped me be more comfortable with my identity, and I wanted to thank you for being awesome. Any tips for coming out ? And did you come out as agender or FtM? I'm non binary and I want to be on T, but I'm not sure how to come out to my friends/family. Any suggestions? (sorry if you already made a post about this)

Hey! Nice to meet you :) If you ever want to PM me, feel free as well!So, well, when I came out, it started 2 years of hell for me pretty much, and that does scare a lot of people but people need to know that coming out effects so many things and sometimes it’s not good :( It really really depends on how well your family and friends will take it. I really hope for your sake if you do decide to come out, that you will be in a safe position. For me, because it wasn’t taken well, I had to rely on some friends to get me through the hard parts, but, I am a massive fan on giving things time. After giving my parents lots of time, granted they said some things I will never forget or forgive, they have come through and now they are my number one supporters. Mum is even driving me to get my top surgery and she’s taking a week off to help me :) I love her very much. And dad has recently started calling me ‘mate’ which is very very validating! He was a bit trickier because, you know how baby boomers are ;)I came out as FTM, not many people actually know that I identify as agender/non-binary (for me: I do not identify with even having a gender) but because my gender expression is like 100% masculine (I dress and present myself in a very masculine way) I just figured it would be easier for people to accept the fact that I’m FTM without having to confuse them with the label ‘agender’ because people just won’t understand and it would be a pain in the ass, you know? But close friends, and those who understand what agender is, know that I’m agender but also know that I call myself FTM too. :)So, suggestions. 

- Give friends and family time. Honestly, this is crucial. Mum has always said that by me coming out, she lost her daughter. Fair enough, since I believe that the other person, her daughter, is dead. She ain’t coming back. - Stick with those who support you, rely on them. You’ll need them.- If you want to transition, it’s almost guaranteed that you’ll need some money to spend on doctors appointments and on T, unless you had completely free healthcare like NHS in Britain. 

- Be kind to yourself, give yourself time too. You need to make sure that this is definitely what you think you need to do to be happy :) It’s a big life changing thing, but it’s okay to give yourself time to understand.- Understand the ups and downs of HRT, doctors usually tell you but look it up just in case :)I can’t think of more at the moment, but I hope this helped friend. Love yourself and one another.

-Drew

[creepyjirachi]

i think i'm genderfluid and i was born a boy so when i feel like a girl i suffer from gender dysphoria right. i don't know how to cope with it, largely because i don't always feel like one or the other. if i always felt like a boy id be fine and if i always felt like a girl i would be able to go through HRT and other things but i'm not always one. What do i do?

(o man my inbox has been glitching out lately, sorry if you've been waiting a long time for a reply!! hopefully this is coherent hgjlhfkglgjfflh)i feel u anon....... it sucks to be stuck like that. but your presentation is allowed to change, u kno? you're not under any obligation to look or feel the same way all the time. if you're more comfortable presenting a certain way on some days and changing it up on others you can absolutely do that. if you have friends who would be willing to switch names/pronouns as needed that would be helpful too! i'd recommend just listening to yourself and keeping track of how you feel, and deciding how to proceed from there. it's alright to have different needs at different times also in terms of transition: i don't personally identify as genderfluid, but i do experience fluctuating dysphoria myself and i've really struggled with similar issues so. this is what has helped me??when you're considering whether to transition, it's important to really reflect on the way you experience dysphoria when you're going through different phases, to get a better estimate of your feelings overall. when you feel like a girl, how badly do you desire to change? and when you don't feel like a girl, are you actively happy with your body the way it is, or just able to tolerate it better? would a more ""feminine"" body make you dysphoric on masculine days, or would you be more comfortable either way? etc etc. it can help to keep a journal or a vent blog to keep track of that stuff as you're feeling it, so you can go back to it later.it also helps to keep in mind that, as a general rule, humans tend to take the path of least resistance (which throws those of us with fluctuating dysphoria for a LOOP.) for me, i have times when my dysphoria is very low and i don't feel any need to go through the trouble of transitioning/changing pronouns/changing my name. but i know that presenting as female doesn't make me feel truly happy or satisfied, even at the times that it's good enough. and that's the key distinction.... i know it's scary to take that leap but at the end of the day you deserve better than good enough. that's the one thing i hope you really take to heart good luck anon, let me know if there's anything you need. be brave, i believe in u 👍💕✨