#and i'm not doing it bc i know for a fact you don't have the money to repay me

[petrichoravis]

In between history. | s.r.

★ part i

★ to the SERIES MASTERLIST here

summary: you help the team with a history related case, all while trying not to reveal your relationship with a certain doctor and fellow professor to his teammates.

word count: 3,1k

what to expect: spencer reid x history professor!reader, fem!reader, post prison!spencer duh, case details (abuse, grooming), fucked up timeline cause hotch is here and tara, luke and matt are missing (I love them, I just don't feel like I can give them justice), abrupt ending bc I didn’t feel like writing the take down, not proof read, English is not my first language.

a/n: she's here, I'm so nervous!! my first series.... it's all a little rushed bc of exams and bc I wanted to give it to you as quick as possible. I hope you enjoy it!!

──── ᝰ.ᐟ

He dreaded that this moment had come. He always knew that it would at some point, but he still wished it away.

They weren’t exactly stuck; Spencer didn’t have to consult you, but he knew that having you to spark ideas and bounce off of would be helpful. And the fact that you had niche knowledge of historic events that Spencer only had surface-level knowledge on certainly helped, too.

Not only did he not look forward to it because the team didn’t know you existed—not to mention that you were together—but also because he really did not want to drag you into the dangerous world that was the Behavior Analysis Unit of the FBI.

He had excused himself from the conference room ten minutes ago already and knew that he had to make a decision soon, or the team would get suspicious.

With a sigh, he pulled his phone out of his pocket for the third time, your number already lighting up the small screen where he had typed it in moments before.

When he did build up the courage to press the green button and pressed the small device to his ear, a part of him hoped that you were in a lecture. (He knew you weren’t; he had your lectures memorized.)

“Hey, Spence,” your voice greeted him from the other side of the line.

“Hello, love. How are you?”

“Better now.” He could practically see the amusement light up your eyes. “I had a really fulfilling conversation with one of my students today. Are you okay? You don’t usually call me in the middle of a case.”

Ever observant you, a thing that he usually loved you for. “No, no, everything’s okay.” He tried being vague, but it came across as an unconvincing lie.

“Do I need to decipher that for some kind of FBI code?”

He laughed, the tension in his shoulders waning. It was just like you to quieten his worries with just a few soothing words. “No deciphering needed, I promise. The case is just a little difficult to figure out.”

“Can I help in any way?”

More than you knew, Spencer thought. More than you should have to.

“Yeah, actually.” Spencer cleared his throat, playing with the end of his tie. “The UnSub seems to have a fondness for history.”

“Oh, well, I think I can help with that.”

“Yeah,” he huffed, but quickly added, “you don’t have to, of course, we can figure it out by ourselves if you’re too busy.”

“No, it’s okay. Should I come to the office or…?” He could already hear you shuffling around your office in search of your jacket.

Spencer glanced up at the clock, 6:47 pm, “If that’s okay? We’re at the Quantico police department. Most of the team is still here.”

It was a quiet way of telling you that it was okay if you weren’t ready to meet them yet. You had been dating for almost half a year now and the conversation about telling and meeting the team was always something you communicated clearly.

The intention wasn’t to hide your relationship or feelings; it just didn’t feel like something the team had to know, given that they didn’t know you.

Spencer liked having a life separate from his work life and, while he loved the team, he didn’t want to have to share everything with them.

Now, with you potentially meeting them, the not-hiding part changed. Either you would have to act like you didn’t know each other past both being professors at the same university, or you would have to tell them you have been together for quite a while.

“I’m sure,” you said, shaking him from his thoughts, your voice reinforcing the statement. “If I can help catch a killer, I will.”

Spencer sighed as the call ended a minute later. He was worried, to say the least.

Things went wrong in the field every day and people suffered severe burnouts because of the things they saw. And now he was putting you into these situations for the sole purpose of catching an UnSub.

He left the room to find Emily and Morgan in the entrance area next to the coffee machine.

“There you are, pretty boy, we were starting to worry.” Morgan grinned, slapping Spencer on the back.

“Sorry,” he replied, wringing his fingers like they were doorknobs, “I had to make a call.”

Emily and Morgan looked at him, a bewildered expression on their faces.

“I, um, called a…consultant?” Spencer continued. God, this was gonna suck. “About the case, and she has agreed to help us. I just need to talk to Hotch—” He was already turning towards the stairs before Emily interrupted him.

“Whoa there, Spencer,” she stopped him before he could slip away from them. “Who is this consultant?”

“I would also very much enjoy that information.” Morgan crossed his arms.

Spencer suppressed a groan, turning back to face them. “She’s a professor at the university I teach at.” He said shortly, hoping it would be enough.

Of course it wasn’t. “A professor?” Emily had a way of sounding curious, all the while her eyes shone with mischief. “And you think she can help?”

“She specialises in history and historic texts. I thought it wouldn’t hurt to have an expert's eye on the letter the UnSub wrote.” He tried to sound nonchalant, but he had a feeling he wasn't doing a very good job with that.

Morgan looked sceptical, but he let it go. But not without a smirk on his mouth. “Well, I’m very interested in meeting the mysterious professor who makes you pick up your cell phone.”

“I second that.”

They won’t ever let this go, Spencer groaned in his head. “Well, you will meet her if you would let me talk to Hotch.”

His tone wasn’t lost on them, but they let him go, anyway.

As he sped up the stairs to the unit chief's office, he could feel the teasing looks burn on his back.

He didn't dare to look over his shoulder as he knocked on the door and, upon call, entered and closed it behind him.

—

When you arrived at the PD, Spencer was already waiting outside like he had been there since the call ended.

Based on his body language, you could deduct that he was nervous, and looking over his shoulder you could see why. Two sets of heads were trying not to look like they were spying on you.

So you would have to go without the hello hug and kiss today. No problem, you could act as the acquaintance.

“Hello, Dr. Reid.” You said with a polite smile.

You could see the relief flicker across his face as he greeted you with your title as well, shaking your hand. His fingers lingered on yours a little too long to be friendly, but thankfully, his frame blocked the team's view of your hands.

As you walked into the PD, Spencer explained the case details that they had so far. “The UnSub places coins into the mouths of his victims after their death and dumps them near a river. We think it might be connected to the Ancient Greek tradition, Charon’s obol.”

You nodded along as he went on to tell you more. "I will look at it and try my best to see more useful information, but I am in no way as good as your team."

Spencer's look told you as much as to shut up. Lovingly, of course.

As you stepped into the building, you were greeted by Spencer’s team. It was almost surreal, like storybook characters coming to life in front of you.

They all greeted you with polite smiles and handshakes, introducing themselves by name as you did the same.

After the round of introductions came to an end, they led you into the conference room.

Cork and blackboards littered with crime scene pictures stood all over the room, a big table with files stood tall in the center. You could feel Spencer’s hand brush your arm in apology.

“We have a little bit of a slow spell at the moment.” JJ’s voice came from behind you. “Thank you for taking the time to come here and look at what we’ve got.”

“Of course,” you smiled at her as you finally all stood in the room. “As I’ve told Spe—Doctor Reid, I’m glad that I can be of assistance. Can I see the pictures?” You asked.

Emily nodded and handed you a picture of a man, his skin almost gray as he lay in the riverbed. Another photograph showed his mouth wide open, a silver coin placed on his tongue.

It was nauseating, to see a body folded up into a position it naturally shouldn’t be able to fold into, but you grit your teeth and tried to look at it as a statical thing to asses.

“The coin placed in the mouth is definitely referencing Charon's obol.” You agreed with Spencer’s earlier statement, looking back up.

Before the others could answer, the door opened and a female officer came in, a file in hand.

“Thank you,” Rossi said with a smile as she handed it to him. Flipping it open, he read, “The first victim's name was Gabriel Treuden. He went missing in April two years ago.”

“Which means the UnSub kept him for about ten months. Just like his last victim.” Said the blond you came to know was Jennifer.

“Ten months you said?” You perked up. “Does he keep all of his victims for ten months?”

“That’s the assumption we are working with.” Morgan nodded, frowning a little.

“I think I know what he is doing.” You stood up quickly, walking towards the whiteboard and picking up a marker out of habit. Once a professor, always a professor. “Have you ever heard of Ostracism?”

Your hands fiddled with the pen after you finished writing the word on the board. Standing in front of the team you had only heard good things about turned out to be even more nerve-wracking than teaching a lecture in front of university students.

Spencer’s eyes lit up with recognition and he looked at you. “Of course, why haven’t I thought of that?”

Morgan and Emily glanced at each other without saying a word, but it was clear to both of them what the other was thinking: you and Spencer were made for each other.

“Care to explain to us illiterates what you geniuses are on about?” Morgan teased.

“Oh, sorry.” You said quickly. “Ostracism was an Ancient Greek tradition. It primarily took place in Athens, but other Greek communities had things similar to it, too. They would vote for a person once a year and if you won, you would be exiled for ten years, as a way to eliminate a threat identified by the community.”

“He shortened the time. Probably because his urges are too strong. A vote, most likely made by himself, a month apart instead of a year and the time he has them exiled for is ten months instead of ten years.” Spencer continued.

Hotch nodded, “Rossi, Morgan, I want you to speak with the Treuden family. Garcia, search for connections between him and the other victims and try to find out as much information about Gabriel as possible.” He told the technical analyst over the phone. Then he turned to you. “Would you be open to staying here in case anything happened?”

You nodded, smiling politely, “Of course, Mr. Hotchner.”

He gave you a small smile and looked at Spencer. Without even having to open his mouth, Spencer knew what he was going to say.

“I’ll stay, too.” He nodded.

His boss gave him a knowing look behind your back before departing.

—

The files and crime scene photos had long moved to the back of your minds as you and Spencer were left to yourselves in the conference room.

“I’m sorry for having to involve you in this situation,” Spencer said in the way he did when he was afraid of hurting people around him. “It was never my intention for us to have to hide, much less meet the team under these circumstances.”

You gave him a reassuring smile, “Spence, I really am happy to help, I promise. Your team has been so nice to me and this is why I became a professor, anyway.”

“To hide your relationship with an FBI agent from his team?” Spencer joked, tilting his head to the side.

“To be paid and valued for my rambling,” you grinned lovingly, “but, yeah, I might have had an ulterior motive when I chose my career path.”

Spencer had a look when he was happy: a small but proud smile and soft eyes. He looked at you like that now and even though you were in the middle of a police station, with the possibility of his team coming back any minute, you felt the irresponsible urge to kiss him.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Spencer huffed, fiddling with his hands.

“Like what?”

He rolled his eyes a little, “You look like a teenager in love.”

“The whole secret relationship thing has been getting to my head a little.” You laughed softly. “Sneaking around, kissing in broom closets, hiding from the adults. Those are all things my students do.”

Spencer tried his best not to squirm in his seat. You had the fascinating ability to turn him right back into the awkward nerd he thought he’d shed in prison.

It felt refreshing in ways he never thought it would. After those three month, he was convinced no one would ever make him feel like a blushing fool again. And he had never much felt like a teenager, either.

He could never tell you how thankful he was for you, no words in the English language have been invented to explain this amount of gratitude.

“We haven’t kissed in broom closets.” Spencer tried to sound as flirtatious as you, but had the feeling that he sounded more like he had no idea what to say.

“No,” he saw the way your eyes shone and already knew what you’d say next would make the flush creep higher up his neck before you said it. “But we have a few more minutes of your team being gone.”

“I guess we do.”

—

The sun was rising and your lips were bare of any lipstick, red for an entirely new reason.

The team came back just the hair of a second after you sat back down at the round table to start pretending you had gotten any work done in their absence. Bless Spencer’s feel for timing.

They weren’t able to figure out much more besides that almost all of the UnSub’s newer victims’ children went to the same high school at some point.

Just as they weren’t sure what to do next and Hotch was going to send them home, an officer stormed in. “They were able to identify the last victim. His name was Charles Smith, forty-three, also married with children.”

You glanced at the board, where the victims' pictures and personal information were pinned. They were all over forty years old. A memory came loose in your brain, but you couldn’t quite shake it free.

Older men with families…UnSub being in his early twenties…

You replayed the case details they told you in your head.

Charon’s obol…Ancient Greek…

“What is it?” Spencer asked as he saw the creases between your brows.

It clicked just as Spencer’s eyes met yours.

“Nothing, I just...The UnSub has only targeted married men over the age of forty so far, right? And you profiled that he would be about twenty years old?”

You were met with nods and looks full of confusion.

“It could be a coincidence, but given that he has made other nods to Greek mythology…We have many records that same sex relationships were something that the Ancient Greeks used as a mentorship kind of thing. The ideal relationship was a teenager and a married man with a family, so the older man could serve as a mentor to the younger.”

Spencer’s eyes had wandered to your lips while you were talking. You quietly cleared your throat with a teasing smile and Spencer’s eyes jumped back to yours.

His eyes widened. Being subtle really didn’t turn out to be his strong suit. He cleared his throat and looked away from you, but you caught the rust of blood that painted his cheeks a rosy pink.

You pretended that you didn’t notice JJ and Emily looking at both of you.

“He probably read books about Greek culture and it grew into a delusion of living in Greece in that time period. It must have been the way he coped with the abuse.” Spencer theorized, rubbing the side of his neck.

Hotch pulled out his phone. “Garcia, cross-reference the students of the high school with people who were groomed by married men while they were in their teens about eight years ago.” Hotch told Penelope. Or, well, the telephone-Penelope.

“Already done, sir.” She chirped back, keys clicking in the background. “And,” she dragged the word out as the computer loaded. “A Lenard Phillips fits the profile like I fit into Derek Morgan’s bed. Which is to say perfectly, if I might say so.”

Morgan laughed. “Address, sugar.”

“You should know by now that I'm not an amateur. The address will be on your cells quicker than you can say ‘you are out of this—”

“You are out of this world, baby girl.” Morgan grinned as he said the words at the same time as her.

You looked baffled. Spencer would have laughed if the situation wasn’t so dire. “I thought I warned you.” He leaned down to whisper in your ear.

“Has anyone ever filed a complaint?” You asked quietly.

Spencer shook his head. “Even if they tried, I think it would go nowhere.”

Hotch got up from his chair and the others followed suit. “We have no time to waste. Let’s go. Garcia, search for more on Phillips and brief us in the car.”

You watched them get into motion like a carefully choreographed stage play, all of them slipping into their roles as agents.

Following them towards the door, you found Spencer’s hand and squeezed it as a small act of love and support. He turned to look at you sorrowfully. He hated leaving you for a case, even if it wouldn’t be for long this time.

“I have to go.” He said sorrowfully. “I will call you when we've got him in custody.” He promised.

“Be careful,”

“I will.” He hesitated, eyes lingering and searching your face.

You shook your head with a smile. “You do your job and think about your well-being, don’t worry about me.”

He walked towards the door, his hand staying in yours until the distance got too big. As he walked out of the doors of the police station, you could have sworn you heard him mutter a quiet “that’s impossible” under his breath, just before the doors closed behind him.

──── ᝰ.ᐟ

thank you for reading! feedback is very much appreciated and keeps me motivated! 𝜗𝜚

🏷️ @yourlocalconfusedhomo

[mona-risms]

Okay okaey imaginelike a. huntrix or polytrix x fem reader where reader is a rookie idol and they help her with her choreo that would be like so cutw 😭😭😭💕

◆ MAIN COURSE: poly!HUNTR/X x rookie idol!fem!Reader

◆ TYPE: SFW, romantic

◆ ALLERGEN WARNINGS: None

◆ NOTES: Wait shut up this would be so cute, esp if they're all already together (though my bad if you wanted pre-relationship 😓). I kinda spiralled here and it turned into them helping out with different aspects of being an idol SORRY 😭😭 Mira does still help though :3c

You're just officially starting out in the idol industry with your own rookie unit!! Probably with the support of the trio :3c. They all definitely helped with vetoing companies that they know for a FACT are corrupt as hell and making sure you get into a good one (either an approved company or their own, provided that the people in charge allow it). They most likely also helped you in terms of getting your skill up, and if you dare say you're being a burden to them they'll attack you (affectionately) bc they love helping you!! They love seeing you get to your full potential!! They love seeing you happy!!!!

When you debut they are your BIGGEST FUCKING SUPPORTERS of your unit EVER!!! Your other unit members are all so fucking shocked and confused about it like hello. Why. Why do they have the world's TOP 1 K-POP UNIT acting like THEIR NUMBER ONE FANS 😭😭 COMING INTO THEIR CONCERTS AND GETTING THEM TO SIGN THEIR STUFF 😭😭 THEY'RE JUST ROOKIES WHAT DO YOU MEAN 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 and when they find out you and them three are 'really great friends' they're like ?????what the FUCK

The trio would help you in the industry in so many ways :(. Hyping your unit up, making sure you're equipped with knowledge, AND they help you with their specialties!!!

You're practicing your choreo in your girlfriends' own dance studio bc you need as much practice as possible!!! But maybe there's smth that doesn't feel right or you don't know how to execute a certain move, and Mira comes in the room, expecting to choreograph smth on her own for a new song. Instead, she sees you :3c and abandons her prior task entirely just to help you via give you tips or demonstration on how to move or even recommendations!!

"..four-five-six-seven-eight, one-two-three-four-five-six..."

Mira's voice felt like a guiding metronome as you moved your body to the beat, your efforts sinking deep into not only the choreography, but your vocal stability and even your expression. It was a high-energy song, so of course you had to get used to performing it. Though even despite you having finished your trainee years, this still felt challenging—not like you've done this for long, after all.

And yet Mira was ever so patient as she pointed out mistakes and gave helpful pointers.

"..two-three-four-- stop."

Just like now.

You halted your movements and dropped your position as your girlfriend stopped the music, "Yeah? What'd I do?"

She came up to you as she pocketed her phone. "You're tensing up too much just before the bridge, it's messing with your rhythm."

"Ah.. yeah." You let out a light sigh as you demonstrated the move slower, much more controlled and much looser now thanks to the lack of timed pressure, "It just.. kinda happens on instinct."

"Feels like you're getting ready to pounce on something?"

"Mhm."

"That's 'cuz you're focusing on the transition too much—with the way the energy gets cranked all the way down, I get it." And she falls into step beside you, stretching lightly before getting herself into position, "I'm actually impressed they even have your generation performing with that insane sort of body control."

"Maybe we're just special."

That gets a soft, amused snort out of Mira as she teasingly pokes you on the side, "You are special. Now stop fishing for compliments and follow me; we'll slow it down until you get more comfortable about the transition, it should sort out your instincts then."

Maybe you're tasked with writing or rapping or even just singing through the most tongue-twisty parts of your songs, and you try to go through with it on your own but then Rumi and Zoey both hear you. It leads to them drifting over and approaching you with the want to help :3c

"Are you sure..?" Your hand creased the side of the paper, where your lyrics—colour-coded with highlights—were laid out on the page. "The two of you just got back from work, I wouldn't want to--"

"Ahh-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta," Zoey put a finger to your lips, silencing you before giving you a quick peck (she couldn't resist) and drawing back to stand up straight as she spoke, "are you gonna deny us, your very useful girlfriends, the privilege of being able to help our girlfriend and spoil her with our time? Are you? There is a wrong answer here—choose wisely."

Rumi rolled her eyes affectionately before elbowing her, resulting in a little "ow!", and moving to squeeze your free hand reassuringly, "Don't mind her. If you want to work on your own, then we'll leave you to it. But we really do want to help, why wouldn't we?"

"I.. wouldn't really wanna make the two of you feel like you're obligated to help me with something like this." A grimace formed on your lips as you looked away, "You've already helped me—us—out so much. Feels like nepotism."

Both of your girlfriends' faces softened at your admission as they looked at each other before pinning their attention back onto you. "If we're talking about nepotism, quite a few people would argue that I'm guilty of that, thanks to Celine. You?" Rumi lifts your hand to her lips, "This is you wanting to improve yourself with the help of your seniors, not exploiting connections—if that were the case, you'd have debuted as our fourth member out of the blue."

"Which would've been amazing!" Zoey piped in, but then she dials her excitement down as she shrugged sheepishly, "Though it's why we didn't recommend it—it'd be bad if you got flamed for that.. and we wanted the world to see just how talented you are on your own! So.. let us help? Not just as idols, but as girlfriends too."

Rumi nodded in agreement, "It'll be like when you watched us practice and you kiss us all whenever we got it right, just with it being the other way around this time."

"A lot more fun than standard practice, in my opinion. And much more rewarding!"

You chewed on your lip pensively before sighing in defeat, though the little smile on your lips fooled no one, least of all the pair in front of you, "Fine. But don't get all lenient on me, yeah?"

"Well, duh!" "Of course."

But they won't just help you!! They're more than happy to help the other members too, when they have the time!! Eventually it just ends up with HUNTR/X and your group becoming really close with each other, to the point where people are editing montages and stuff of your groups together in all sorts of ways ('HUNTR/X being gen z parents for 5 mins', 'HUNTR/X mentality' and it's just them fawning over you and the others, etc)

They have you taking breaks and eating properly too. I imagine at the very start, you'd still have to find your limits and stuff, especially since you'd be more prone to pushing yourself when you've only newly debuted. So they kinda watch you and make sure to monitor your rests and your diet in a way that they want you not to restrict yourself from eating and they want you fully-rested amongst the K-Pop idol lifestyle. Otherwise they'll all trap you in a cuddle pile and force you to settle down LOL

And then there's the shipping. If you get shipped with other women they'll be like "yeah okay I get it 🙏" but the moment it's with a MAN?? LMAOOOOOO SIDE EYE ALERT SIDE EYE ALERT next thing you know people are posting about how the trio's looking at said male idol like they want him buried six feet under and the internet is WILD with theories. You even look up from your phone and at them and they'll pointedly look at literally anything else ��� they're all girlfailures I adore them

All in all, they are so willing to help you with ANYTHING in your career! Obvs they'll give you your own space to be recognised for your own talents and capabilities in your unit as a rookie idol, but they're just a call away if you ever need any assistance in anything :3c you're not just their junior, you're also their beloved gf!!!

[coriihanniee]

RIDICULOUSLY YOURS ‧₊ ᵎᵎ ⋅ ˚✮

۶ৎ ALTERNATIVE : Woonhak's Crash Course on Loving You !!

۶ৎ PAIRING : class clown!woonhak x academic burnout!reader ۶ৎ GENRE(S) : fluff, comfort ۶ৎ WARNING(S) : academic stress, mentions of low self esteem ۶ৎ WORD COUNT : 4.9k words

۶ৎ A/N : wrote this in class bcs why can't the men in my class be like the ones I write in my fics? 😒

 Step 1 :

The fluorescent lights in Chemistry class are doing that annoying flicker thing again, and you're pretty sure the migraine building behind your eyes is less about the lights and more about the fact that you've been running on three hours of sleep and spite for the past week.

Your notebook is open to a page that's supposed to contain notes about molecular bonds, but instead it's just a series of increasingly illegible scribbles that look like your sanity slowly deteriorating in real time. You're staring at the equations with the same energy as someone watching paint dry, except paint drying would probably be more engaging at this point.

"You look like you need a personality reboot."

The voice comes from your right, and you don't even have to look to know it's Woonhak. Kim Woonhak, who somehow ended up as your seatmate in Chemistry, Biology, and Math this semester, a cruel joke from the universe, considering he's basically the human embodiment of a golden retriever while you're currently channelling the energy of a dying houseplant.

You turn to look at him, and he's got that concerned-but-trying-to-be-casual expression that people get when they're not sure if you're going to laugh or cry.

"Excuse me?" you deadpan.

"I'm just saying," he continues, completely unfazed by your tone, "you've been looking like you're planning the demise of that textbook for the past twenty minutes. It's giving very 'final boss' energy."

"Maybe I am."

"See, this is what I'm talking about." He leans back in his chair, studying you with those annoyingly perceptive eyes. "When's the last time you smiled? And I don't mean that polite customer service smile you do when teachers ask if you understand the material by the way."

You open your mouth to answer, then close it. Because honestly? You can't remember.

"That's what I thought," Woonhak says gently. "Don't worry, though. I'm gonna fix this."

"Fix what?"

"Your whole..." he waves his hand vaguely in your direction, "...situation."

"I don't have a situation."

"Everyone has a situation. Yours is just particularly tragic."

Before you can respond with something appropriately sarcastic, your teacher clears her throat at the front of the class, and Woonhak turns his attention back to the lesson with a satisfied little smile that makes you want to throw your eraser at his head.

You have no idea what you've just gotten yourself into.

Step 2 : 

The first sticky note appears on your desk the next morning, stuck to your water bottle in handwriting that's somehow both messy and oddly neat.

"Don't die today 💗"

You stare at it for a full thirty seconds, then look around the classroom. Woonhak is already at his desk, chin propped on his hand, watching you with barely contained glee.

"Seriously?" you mouth at him.

He just grins and gives you a thumbs up.

The second note shows up during lunch, somehow tucked into your locker despite the fact that you're pretty sure you didn't give him your combination.

"You're hotter than midterms"

This one makes you snort despite yourself, which is apparently exactly the reaction Woonhak was hoping for, because when you turn around, he's standing three lockers down with the most smug expression you've ever seen.

"How did you even—"

"I have my ways," he says mysteriously, then pulls a bag of your favorite chips from his backpack. "Want some?"

You freeze. You've never told anyone what your favorite chips are. Hell, you're not even sure you've eaten them at school before.

"How do you know these are my favourite?"

"Lucky guess?" he offers, but he's doing that thing where he's trying not to smile, which means he's absolutely lying.

"Woonhak."

"Fine, fine. I asked Sungho what you usually buy from the vending machine. He said you always get the same thing."

"You asked Sungho about my snacking habits?"

"I asked Sungho about your preferences. There's a difference."

You want to be annoyed, but the chips are already open and they smell heavenly, and you haven't eaten anything since your sad breakfast of coffee and a toast with jam.

"This is weird," you tell him, but you take the bag anyway.

"Weird how?"

"Weird like... why do you care?"

Woonhak is quiet for a moment, and you notice a slight shift in his expression. "Because you look like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, and I don't think anyone's bothered enough to ask if you need help."

The chips suddenly taste like cardboard.

"I'm fine," you say automatically.

"Yeah," Woonhak says softly, "that's what I figured you'd say."

Step 3 :

"For When You Wanna Punch a Textbook" shows up in your Spotify notifications at 11:29pm on a Tuesday, right when you're in the middle of having a breakdown over calculus homework.

You almost don't click on it, the last thing you need is Woonhak's chaotic energy in musical form when you're already barely holding it together. However, your curiosity wins, and you tap the notification.

The first song is something you've never heard before, but it's got this driving beat that somehow perfectly matches the frustration you're feeling. The second is a song you forgot you loved. The third makes you stop writing entirely and just listen.

By the time you reach the end of the playlist, it's past midnight and your calculus homework is still unfinished, but something in your chest feels a little lighter.

You screenshot the playlist and send it to Woonhak with a simple "Thanks."

His response comes back immediately, despite the late hour : "Told you it was good 😌"

"How did you know?" you type back.

"Know what?”

"What music I'd like, we've never talked about music."

The typing indicator appears and disappears several times before his response finally comes through : "You hum sometimes when you're concentrating, figured out your vibe from there."

You stare at your phone screen, a warm and uncomfortable feeling settling in your stomach. You hum when you concentrate? You didn't even know you did that. But somehow Woonhak noticed, and not only noticed but cared enough to remember.

"That's creepy" you send back, because you don't know how else to respond.

"That's friendship, omg just like My Little Pony! 🦄🤩 " he replies, and then immediately after : "Anyways, get some sleep. you have bags under your eyes the size of my future."

"Your future is probably pretty small then"

"Ouch, and here I am trying to save your academic career."

Despite all the weight you’ve been carrying, you smile, for the first time in weeks.

"Goodnight woonhak"

"Goodnight!! Sweet dreams of not punching textbooks 💗"

Step 4 : 

"What's the square root of you plus me?" Woonhak asks on a Thursday morning, sliding into his seat next to you just as the bell rings.

"Shut up," you reply automatically, not looking up from your notes.

"Incorrect. The answer is destiny."

This time you do look up, fixing him with your most deadpan stare. "That doesn't even make mathematical sense."

"Love rarely does."

"Who said anything about love?"

"I did. Just now. Keep up."

You want to be annoyed, but with the way he’s looking at you, like he can see through all the walls you’ve built, every crack you've plastered over, makes it impossible to stay irritated.

"You're ridiculous," you tell him.

"Ridiculously charming?"

"Ridiculously loud."

"I'll take it." He pulls out his notebook, then glances at you sideways. "You know, for someone who claims to hate my company, you sure do smile a lot when I'm around."

"I do not—"

"You're smiling right now."

You immediately try to school your expression into something more neutral, but it's too late. Woonhak's grin is so wide it looks like it might split his face in half.

"I knew it," he says triumphantly. "You like me."

"I tolerate you."

"Same thing."

"It's really not."

"Agree to disagree." He leans back in his chair, looking incredibly pleased with himself. "So, what's the plan for lunch today? More sad vending machine food, or are you finally going to let me introduce you to the cafeteria's surprisingly decent pizza?"

"I don't eat cafeteria food."

"Why not?"

"Because it's..." you pause, trying to find the right words. "It's loud and crowded in there. Plus, everyone's always staring."

"Staring at what?"

"At... I don't know. Everything… everyone."

Woonhak's expression softens slightly. "What if I told you that most people are too busy worrying about their own stuff to pay attention to anyone else?"

"I'd say you're being optimistic."

"What if I told you that even if they were staring, they'd probably just be thinking about how cool your hair looks today?"

"I'd say you're being ridiculous."

"What if I told you that I'd sit with you and make stupid jokes until you forgot to be nervous?"

Your pen paused and hovered over the pages at his words, and there's a softness in his eyes that makes your chest feel tight. "I'd say... maybe that would be okay."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, but if you make any more math puns, I'm leaving."

"Deal, but I'm not promising anything about chemistry puns."

"Woonhak."

"Fine, fine. No science puns. You're really limiting my material here."

"Good."

Step 5 : 

The midterm grade stares back at you from your phone screen like a personal attack :

67%.

In Biology, which is supposed to be your good subject.

You've been staring at the email for ten minutes now, sitting in your car in the school parking lot, and you still can't quite process it. You studied for this test. You studied for weeks. You gave up sleep, meals, social interaction, what little you had to begin with, and somehow it still wasn't enough.

Your phone buzzes with a text from your mom: "How did your test go? Dad's making your favourite dinner tonight!"

The favourite dinner you won't be able to enjoy because you'll have to tell them about this grade. The disappointment in their voices when they realize their kid isn't as smart as they thought. The way they'll try to hide their concern while asking if you need a tutor, if you're struggling, if there's something wrong.

Your phone buzzes again. This time it's Woonhak: "Hey!! Saw you in the parking lot, you okay?”

You don't respond. You can't respond. You're too busy trying to figure out where you went wrong, or how everything went wrong so fast.

Another text: "Heading over"

You want to tell him not to, want to drive away before he reaches your car, but you can't seem to make your body move. You just sit there, staring at that stupid number on your screen, until there's a gentle tap on your passenger window.

Woonhak's face appears, upside down, as he bends to peer through the glass. His expression immediately shifts when he sees you.

You hesitantly unlock the door for him. 

"Hey," he says softly, sliding into the passenger seat. "What's wrong?"

You hold up your phone without a word.

Woonhak looks at the screen, then back at you. "Okay. That sucks. But it's not the end of the world."

"It feels like it."

"I know." He's quiet for a moment. "You want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"Okay. You want to sit here and be miserable for a while?"

"Yeah."

"Cool. I'm good at that too."

And he… surprisingly is. He sits there, not trying to fix anything or make you feel better, just being present while you fall apart. It's more comforting than it should be.

"I studied so hard," you finally say, your voice barely above a whisper.

"I know you did."

"I gave up everything. Sleep, food, time with my friends, not that I have many to begin with."

"I know."

"And it still wasn't enough." Your voice cracks on the last word, and you hate how pathetic you sound.

"Hey." Woonhak's voice is gentle. "Look at me."

You don't want to, but you force yourself to look into his eyes.

"One grade doesn't define you," he says. "I know it feels like it does right now, but it doesn't. You're smart, and you're dedicated, and you work harder than anyone I know. This is just one test."

"It's not just one test, though. It's everything. I'm tired all the time, I can't focus, I feel like I'm drowning and everyone else is just... swimming."

"Then maybe it's time to learn how to float."

"What?"

"You don't have to be swimming all the time. Sometimes you can just float. Let the current carry you for a while."

You stare at him. "That's surprisingly deep for someone who makes puns about molecular bonds."

"I contain multitudes."

Despite everything, you laugh. It's a small, broken sound, but it's enough to make Woonhak fondly smile back at the sound. 

"There she is," Woonhak says softly, and the way he's looking at you makes your chest ache in a completely different way in ways you can't explain. 

"I should go home," you say eventually. "Face the music."

"Want me to come with you?"

"What?"

"Not inside," he clarifies quickly. "Just... moral support. I can wait in the car, make sure you don't drive into a tree on the way home."

"I'm not going to drive into a tree."

"Humour me."

You consider it. The idea of going home alone, of sitting through dinner with your parents while trying to pretend everything's fine, feels overwhelming. But the idea of Woonhak being there, even just in the driveway, feels like something you could handle.

"Okay," you say finally. "But you're not allowed to make any jokes about my house."

"Deal. But if your parents invite me in for dinner, I'm not saying no."

"They won't."

"We'll see."

Step 6 : 

You don't show up to school the next day, or the day after that.

By the third day, Woonhak is starting to worry. Your desk sits empty in all three classes you share, and none of your friends, the few you have, seem to know where you are. He asks Sungho, who just shrugs and says you're probably sick. He asks Jaehyun, who says he thinks he saw your car in your driveway yesterday but isn't sure.

On the fourth day, Woonhak decides he's had enough.

He's never been to your house before, but he's got your address from when you exchanged contact info for a group project last month. It's a fifteen minute walk from school, through a neighbourhood that's nicer than his but not fancy.

Your house is blue with white trim, and there's a car in the driveway that he assumes is yours. The curtains are drawn, but he can see light coming from what he thinks might be your bedroom window.

He stands on your front porch for a full minute, trying to figure out what to say. 

Hey, I know we're not that close but I was worried about you? I brought snacks and emotional support? I miss making fun of your math skills?

In the end, he just knocks.

The door opens after a long moment, and you're standing there in pajamas that look like you've been wearing them for days, hair messy, eyes red-rimmed.

"Woonhak?" Your voice is hoarse, like you haven't used it in a while.

"Hey," he says softly. "Can I come in?"

You stare at him for a moment, then step aside.

Your house is quiet, so quiet that he could hear the hum of the refrigerator, the tick of a clock somewhere, but no voices, no TV, no signs of life.

"Where are your parents?" he asks.

"Work. They think I have the flu."

"Do you?"

"No."

You lead him to your room, which is somehow exactly what he expected and nothing like he imagined at the same time. It's neat but lived-in, with fairy lights strung around the ceiling and books stacked everywhere. Your desk is covered in papers and highlighters, evidence of study sessions that went nowhere.

"I brought supplies," Woonhak says, holding up a bag he's been carrying. "Snacks, tissues, that face mask thing you mentioned liking once, and—" He pulls out a small stuffed animal, a ridiculous-looking cat with a grumpy expression. "Emotional support."

You stare at the cat, then at him, then back at the cat.

"You brought me a stuffed animal?"

"His name is Professor Dubu. He's here to judge your life choices in a supportive way."

"That's..." You take the cat, holding it against your chest. "That's really weird."

"Good weird or bad weird?"

"I don't know yet."

Woonhak sits on the edge of your bed, careful to maintain some distance. "You want to talk about what's going on?"

"Not really."

"Okay. You want me to talk about random stuff until you get annoyed and tell me to leave?"

"Maybe."

"Cool. Did you know that octopuses have three hearts? And that they're technically aliens because their DNA is so different from everything else on Earth? Also, I'm pretty sure Jaehyun has been trying to ask out the girl from our History class for three weeks now, but every time he sees her, he just starts talking about the French Revolution instead."

Despite yourself, you smile a little. "That sounds like Jaehyun."

"Right? It's painful to watch. Anyways, Taesan thinks we should just lock them in a closet together until one of them breaks, but I'm pretty sure that's illegal."

"Probably."

"Definitely." He pauses. "You know, everyone's been asking about you. Teachers, classmates, even some people I didn't know you knew."

"Really?"

"Really. Turns out you're more popular than you think."

You're quiet for a moment, holding Professor Dubu and staring at your hands. "I don't feel popular. I feel... invisible."

"You're not invisible to me."

The words hang in the air between you, heavy with meaning you're not sure either of you is ready to examine.

"I know," you say finally. "And I don't understand why."

"Why what?"

"Why you..." You gesture vaguely between the two of you. "Why you care. Why you notice me. Why you're here."

Woonhak is quiet for a long moment. When he speaks, his voice is softer than you've ever heard it.

"You know how some people are like... background music? Like, they're nice, and they're fine, but they don't really stick with you?"

You nod.

"You're not background music. You're like... the song that gets stuck in your head. The one you find yourself humming without realizing it. The one that you play on repeat and never get bored or tired of."

Your chest feels tight again, but in a different way than before.

"I don't know what to do with that," you admit.

"You don't have to do anything with it. Just... don't disappear, okay? Don't make yourself invisible just because things get hard."

"What if I can't help it?"

"Then I'll keep showing up until you remember how to be seen."

You stopped cold at his confession and stare directly at him. For once, you see past the carefully maintained cheerfulness you've known him for. Behind the exterior, you see someone who's genuinely worried about you, someone who cares enough to skip school and show up at your door with snacks and… emotional support cat plushies.

"Woonhak?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For... caring. For seeing me when I can't see myself."

"You don't have to thank me for that."

"I know, but I want to."

He smiles, different from his usual grins. This time, it’s smaller, softer, sincere. 

"Come back tomorrow?" he asks.

"I'll try."

"That's all I'm asking for."

Step 7 : 

You do come back the next day, although you're not sure why. Maybe it's because of what Woonhak said, or maybe it's because Professor Dubu spent the night judging you from your nightstand, or maybe it's just because staying home feels more exhausting than facing the world.

Woonhak lights up when he sees you walk into Chemistry, and the genuine relief on his face makes your heart flutter.

"You came back," he says as you slide into your seat.

"I said I'd try."

"Yeah, but you actually did it."

"Don't make a big deal out of it."

"Too late. I'm already planning the celebration."

You roll your eyes, but you're smiling a little. "Please don't."

"Fine, fine. But I'm at least buying you lunch."

"You don't need to—"

"I want to."

You catch the tone in his voice that makes you look at him more carefully. He's doing that thing again where he's trying not to smile, but this time, his composure seems… nervous?

"Okay," you say, because you don't know what else to say.

"Okay?"

"Okay, you can buy me lunch."

"Cool. Great. Perfect." He's definitely nervous now, fidgeting with his pen and avoiding eye contact.

"Are you okay?"

"Me? Yeah, I'm fine. Totally fine. Why wouldn't I be fine?"

"Because you're acting weird."

"I'm not acting weird. This is how I always act."

"No, this is how you act when you're planning something."

"I'm not planning anything."

"Woonhak."

"Okay, fine. Maybe I'm planning something. But it's not a big something. It's like... a medium something."

"What kind of medium something?"

"The kind you'll find out about at lunch."

You spend the rest of Chemistry trying to figure out what he's up to, but he's remarkably good at deflecting your questions. By the time lunch rolls around, you're more curious than worried.

He leads you to a spot you've never been before, a small courtyard behind the library that's somehow managed to stay hidden from most of the student body. There's a picnic table under a tree, and he's already spread out what looks like an entire convenience store's worth of snacks.

"This is your medium something?" you ask.

"Part of it." He's definitely nervous now, running his hands through his hair and avoiding eye contact. "The other part is... um..."

"Woonhak, you're scaring me."

"I don't want to scare you. That's literally the opposite of what I want."

"Then just tell me what's going on."

He takes a deep breath, then looks at you directly for the first time all day. "I like you."

"I know. We're friends."

"No, I mean... I like you like you."

The words hang in the air between you, and you feel like you've been hit by a truck. Not in a bad way, exactly, but in a way that makes everything suddenly make sense and no sense at all.

"Oh," you say.

"Oh?"

"I... oh."

"That's not exactly the response I was hoping for."

You stare at him, trying to process what he just said. "You like me?"

"Yeah."

"Like... romantically?"

"Yeah."

"Since when?"

"Since..." He thinks for a moment. "Since you fell asleep in Biology and started drooling on your notes. You looked so peaceful, and I realized I wanted to be the person who made sure you got enough sleep so you wouldn't have to sleep in class."

"That's... specific."

"I'm a specific person."

"You are." You're quiet for a moment, trying to figure out how you feel about this revelation. "Why are you telling me now?"

"Because you disappeared for four days and I realized that the thought of you not being in my life anymore was actually terrifying."

"I wasn't going to disappear forever."

"But you could have. And I didn't want you to disappear without knowing that someone thinks you're amazing."

You feel heat rise in your cheeks. "I'm not amazing."

"You are, though. You're smart, funny and you care about things more deeply than anyone I know. You hum when you concentrate and you get this little crease between your eyebrows when you're thinking hard about something. You remember people's birthdays and you always have extra pens and you make these little jokes that are so dry I'm never sure if you're being serious or not."

"Those aren't amazing things. Those are just... things."

"They're amazing to me."

He's looking at you in the way that makes your chest feel tight again, but it's not uncomfortable this time. It's like something warm and bright is expanding inside you, filling spaces you didn't know were empty.

"I don't know what to say," you admit.

"You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know."

"But what if I want to say something?"

"I'm all ears."

You take a deep breath, trying to organize your thoughts. "I think... I think I like you too. I'm just scared…"

"Scared of what?"

"Scared that I'm not good at this, that I'll mess it up, that you'll figure out I'm not as amazing as you think I am."

"What if I told you I'm scared too?"

"You? Scared of what?"

"Scared that you'll realize you can do better than the class clown who makes too many puns and cares too much about whether you're eating enough."

"You don't make too many puns."

"I absolutely make too many puns."

"Okay, yeah, you do. But I kind of like them."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. They're... endearing."

"Endearing enough to maybe give this a shot?"

You look at him, sitting there surrounded by an absurd amount of snacks, looking nervous, hopeful and completely sincere, and you realize that maybe you've been approaching this whole thing wrong. Perhaps instead of trying to figure out if you're good enough or ready enough or brave enough, you should just... try.

"Yeah," you say. "I think I'd like that."

The smile that spreads across Woonhak's face is brighter than the sun.

Step 8 : 

Few weeks later, you're standing in the hallway after school, shoving books into your locker, when Woonhak appears beside you like he always does.

"How was your day?" he asks, leaning against the lockers.

"Better," you say. "I got my Biology test back."

"And?"

"B+."

"That's amazing!" He looks genuinely proud, and a familiar warmth settles in your chest.

"It's not amazing, but it's better."

"It's progress. Progress is amazing."

You roll your eyes, but you're smiling. "You're ridiculous."

"Ridiculously proud of you."

"You can't just add 'ridiculously' to everything I say."

"Ridiculously yes I can."

"That doesn't even make sense."

"Ridiculously doesn't have to."

You slam your locker shut and turn to face him fully. "You're the worst."

"Ridiculously the worst."

"I'm going to hit you."

"Ridiculously hit me."

"Woonhak."

"Ridiculously Woonhak."

Instead of hitting him, you do something that surprises both of you, you step forward and wrap your arms around him, burying your face in his shoulder.

He freezes for a moment, then his arms come up around you, holding you close.

"What's this for?" he asks softly.

"For being ridiculous," you say into his shoulder. "For being annoying. For not giving up on me when I gave up on myself."

"You don't have to thank me for that."

"I know, but I want to."

You pull back slightly to look at him. He's got that soft expression again, the same one that makes your chest feel tight in the best way.

"I'm really glad you decided to fix my personality," you tell him.

"I didn't fix anything. I just helped you remember who you already were."

"Same thing."

"Ridiculously not the same thing."

You laugh, and Woonhak's expression shifts.

"There she is," he says quietly.

"There who is?"

"The girl I fell for. The one who was always hidden underneath all that nonchalant exterior, just buried under all the stress and exhaustion."

Before you can respond, someone shouts from down the hallway.

 "FINALLY!"

You both turn to see Jaehyun and Taesan standing by the water fountain, grinning like idiots.

"Seriously?" Jaehyun calls out. "We've been waiting for this for months."

"Pay up," Taesan says, holding out his hand.

Jaehyun grumbles but pulls out his wallet. "I thought it would take at least another week."

"You bet on us?" you ask, incredulous.

"Of course we bet on you," Taesan says. "It was painful watching you two dance around each other."

"We weren't dancing around each other," Woonhak protests.

"You made her a playlist," Jaehyun points out.

"So?"

"You learned her favorite snacks."

"That's just being observant."

"You skipped school to check on her."

"That's just being a good friend."

"You bought her a stuffed animal."

Woonhak opens his mouth to argue, then closes it. "Okay, that one might have been a little obvious."

"A little?" you ask, raising an eyebrow.

"Fine. Very obvious. Ridiculously obvious."

"There you go again with the ridiculously."

"It's my thing now."

"It's ridiculous."

"Ridiculously ridiculous."

Jaehyun and Taesan are still standing there, watching this exchange with matching grins.

"You two are disgusting," Taesan says, but he sounds fond.

"Ridiculously disgusting," Woonhak agrees cheerfully.

You look around at your friends, somehow, somewhere along the way, that's what they became. 

You lay your eyes on Woonhak, who's still got his arms around you and is looking at you like he couldn't believe someone like you could ever exist in his life.

"You know what?" you say.

"What?"

"I think I'm okay with ridiculous."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. As long as it's your ridiculous."

The smile that spreads across Woonhak's face is ridiculously bright, and before you could even process it, he kisses you right there in the hallway, and your chest feels like it would explode with happiness that you forgot you were capable of feeling.

From somewhere behind you, you hear Jaehyun mutter, "I should have bet on the kiss too."

You ignore it, who cares? 

You're too busy being ridiculously, impossibly, completely happy in love. 

Ridiculously Woonhak’s.

@coriihanniee 💌

˖➴ reblogs are appreciated! ty for reading! <3

taglist: @lvlyhiyyih @supi-wupi @tinyelfperson @8makes1atom @s0shroe @imhereonlytoreadxoxo @mydeepestsecrects @brownetry @pumpkg @heeheesang @jungwonbropls @prodkwh @reibelhearts @beomev

[m1ssunderstanding]

do you think that paul refused to initially drop acid with the beatles/john bc he was scared that he’d have a potentially bad trip in front of them? i meant with tara you get the safety of someone trustworthy that u know but without that person being of upmost importance to you. meanwhile there was so much paul could possibly worry about saying/seeing/confronting around john that he avoided it ?

(I'm assuming this is referencing my fic where, from John's POV, Paul won't do LSD with John because he doesn't love him and he's scared of bonding and connecting with him in that way and he does it with Tara because he's just obsessed with rich people)

Yes. 100% that's what was going on in Paul's head. John going, "wow it's amazing it stripped away all my defenses and I was just fully living in the present and I'll never be the same again it's just really stripped me down to my core" like it's a good thing and Paul's like "yeah that sounds terrifying no thank you I'm going to keep reinforcing my walls up until the day I die I want those things high and thick."

Meanwhile, John's not really being open about the fact that he wants Paul to trip with him for bonding purposes. Instead, he's calling him a conservative loser. So, I think Paul tried LSD with Tara, not out of any real desire of his own (I mean a little. He doesn't do things he doesn't want to do but you know what I mean.) so that he could go "no I've tried it. I'm not scared I'm just not into it. Wasn't for me." Because you're right. He was scared of ruining his most important relationships. So Tara was someone he was close enough to that he'd be safe but not someone he'd be heartbroken about losing. Very strategic.

And he wasn't wrong. There's that quote from George where he was like "you know why I don't trust Paul? Because one time when he was having a bad trip and he thought he was going to fall off this cliff I kept trying to offer him a hand to help him down and he wouldn't take it." Which is so indicative of Paul's issues that George would never understand. But anyway the point is, Paul's "bad" behavior while under the influence of LSD actually did have a serious negative impact on one of his closest relationships.

That's why, I think, he finally chose to trip with John when John was having a bad trip himself. Paul was terrified of being the problem but if John's already in a bad place he can't leave him there alone. Like George Martin said, something about "to be with him in his pain." Paul thinks it's his job to save John. And of course, with their soulmate psychic bond, they ended up melding minds and becoming one just like John had wanted and they deepened their bond and it was beautiful.

Sorry I'm up in the mtns and don't feel like looking up the actual quotes but thank you for this ask! It's so fun to get into why they did what they did and what was (I think) going on in their little messed up heads.

[purpmiqote]

i am grateful for this sort of thing.

it really reminds me to keep things in perspective.

unfortunately, giving everyone the benefit of the doubt or rather

trying to parse whether someone is truly ignorant or meaning to harm me

is very difficult for me. for a lot of reasons.

the least of which being that i'm a part of a group of people who have been historically enslaved, raped, assaulted, harassed

and gaslit

about every experience under the sun

including my own sanity, autonomy, rights etc

..

.

it is 2025.

there are a LOT of things i will let slide from a person. there is so much, in fact. bc i am truly a magnanimous person.

but bc of my experiences?

i cannot trust people.

i cannot trust they're simply ignorant.

i cannot trust they have no ulterior motive.

i cannot trust what they say or what they do.

yes. this is an issue. for me. for them.

..

.

if you ask me whether i think someone "knows" whether it is okay for them to say nigger or retard?

i am going to say they probably know it isn't okay.

just like they know it isn't okay for millions of people to starve or other socio-historical-economic stuff

which should more or less be common knowledge.

..

.

i don't expect people to be extremely intelligent. i don't expect them to be particularly knowledgeable about a bunch of shit.

that's not fair.

i don't expect them to keep their cool or conduct themselves properly.

..

.

but what is basic human decency anymore?

.

.

accepting people as they are?

and that sometimes that will mean being woefully wrong about their intent? regardless of what they say?

or understanding

that we can't really expect much of anything from anyone

whether that is compassion

or constancy

reallllly feel like some of you have to start understanding people are sometimes going to make mistakes and not understand something and not know things and it's going to slot them in a perfect place for you to scoff and call them problematic and evil and they're not even going to know why.

[midnight--sadness]

Can I share something that makes me very irritated? Anyone can share their own opinion, of course. In fact, I want to know what you and others may think about it.

Something that annoys the hell out of me of the fandom right now, and this goes mostly to sgtwt, only because I've seen it happen mostly there. It's that fans let go of their supposedly favorite shows so easily now. There's no further engagement, no more discussion, or real enjoyment in general. Look, I get the frustration—even the feeling of getting betrayed/cheated on. The entire production team did a fantastic job hyping up this final season, and made it seem like a greater thing than the final product truly was.

But to immediately, not even a full day after the final season came out, ask others "hey, where are we moving on to next? What's the next fandom?" Leaves me,,, baffled.

(I haven't watched a season of AIB but after seeing all the people 1. Comparing it to SG in absolutely everything, 2. Promote it as the "new toy" after SG. Doesn't make it really that interesting to me. Sorry.)

This is not just because of the shitty finale. It is what it is, and fans now have the chance to do whatever the hell we want with it because we can. I myself have been in fandoms with shitty finales for more than a decade now. Yet I find this new feature particularly annoying by 'newgen' fans. I know it's silly. But it was something I wanted to get out of my chest.

🩷

you can share anything you want here!!! and this is def not silly, don't worry!

i completely agree with you.

i think this is partially bc there's a mob mentality happening here: "where are we going to next?" people feel the need to be the same as everyone else and it kills any individuality they have. you don't need to like something just because everyone else does, and you don't need to dislike something just because everyone else loves it. not every fandom is going to be huge and that's okay, as long as fans create content for it and still engage with it.

i feel like sometimes some fans aren't loyal, if that makes sense? even if the source material isn't the best, you still have the characters, the actors, the fandom you immersed yourself in. i could never dedicate months of my life to a fandom, bond with others, create content, and then say, "well, i didn't like that, i'm leaving."

this is kind of a problem for younger people. you don't need to leave a fandom just bc canon isn't good. in fact, so many fandoms are still active today, even though the source material ended years ago, because canon wasn't good. say what you will, but if a piece of media is too perfect, the fandom usually doesn't last bc there's nothing left to explore.

but there's this idea nowadays that canon is unbreakable and you can't ever engange in fanon content. it's crazy to me honestly. people no longer have fanon ships, or headcanons. they just accept every thing canon gives them and don't try to dig deeper.

also i've never seen aib either and i don't like comparing shows, but yeah the fans who say that are very annoying. let squid game be its own thing.

in a way, i'm glad they're leaving. let the real fans stay in the fandom while the sheep move on 💞

[inkskinned]

hey btw if you're in the USA at  2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.

if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.

additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.

i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."

"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.

[necrotic-nephilim]

@sasheneskywalker i love when you enable me to ramble about things because oh my god do i have thoughts.

so recently, i made a post discussing the phenomena of DC x DP and DC x MLB crossovers and why they exist and part of that post was discussing how largely speaking, at least half, if not more of the Batfamily fandom doesn't read the comics. if they interact with canon DC material, it's adaptations that are their own sequestered universes and oftentimes not remotely comic accurate or seeking to be. the most obvious example is the Young Justice cartoon. i'm adding a cut to this post because it just got so long i'm so sorry.

a lot of times, when people are discussing the "why" of this oversaturation of fanon-only fandom, they blame Wayne Family Adventures. and i think, to a point, i agree WFA is responsible for a boom in this fandom. but as someone who's been in the fandom long before we had WFA, to me it's the other way around. WFA was DC's way of meeting the demand for this easy-to-get-into, easy-to-consume content about the Batfamily that predicates itself on the comics just enough to be vaguely the same characters, but has a more sitcom, slice-of-life sort of vibe so DC could profit off of this section of the fanbase that otherwise wasn't consuming its primary material. and well, it's definitely worked. not only that, but i have a weird theory that the decline in the MCU also led to the rise in the Batfamily fandom. when you consider the fan content that made the MCU popular within fandom, it's that 2012 "they all live in Avengers Tower and Thor is eating poptarts and Clint is in the vents and there are movie nights every Friday" sort of vibe. those were the fics that were a hallmark of the fandom. and as the MCU has strayed from well... quality content in general, but specifically well-thought-out crossover content where characters can have their own arcs but also exist in a wider story where they clearly care about each other, that fandom was sort of homeless. so where do you go, if you like a superhero found family where you can have villains for angst but also stick them all in one big family-like home for silly crack and have a plethora of options for gay ships? well. you go to the Batfamily. if you write a crack/fluff Batfamily genfic with silly vibes and low stakes instead of say, a fic about a very specific comic issue even if it's a popular comic, you're *going* to get more traction for the former. because the fanbase largely just isn't reading the comics.

and i feel... complicated about this. because on one hand, Don't Like Don't Read has been a tenet of my fandom experience. i'm very pro-fandom and that includes fandom content i don't like. and to an extent, i do think this sort of should apply to Batfamily fanon. i enjoy having my moments with other comic purists, giggling over exceptionally painful OOC headcanons or even facepalming in pain over some content but it is on me to not interact with that content. you don't make fandom a better place by being hostile to fans who engage with canon in ways you don't approve of. and frankly? we as comic readers are not going to get non-comic fans to read the comics by being asshats to them. no one is going to want to pick up any comic if we get a superiority complex about it. and also, i feel like we're all lying to ourselves a little bit insisting comics are so, so easy to get into. they're not. we can just all agree, they're really not. i've been single-handedly helping my sister get into comics, specifically Wonder Woman and no matter how simple i make it, i watch her get frustrated trying to understand what pre-Crisis and post-Crisis and New-52 and Flashpoint and all these things mean and what a retcon vs a reboot is and what a Crisis Event is and what the hell Diana's current backstory even *is*. sure, you can give someone a beginner list of comics to start with and slowly dip their toes in the water but sooner or later, *something* is going to confuse them. comics as a medium straight up aren't going to be everyone's cup of tea. and if someone *just* wants to read silly fluffy fanfiction about the Batfamily, i can't entirely begrudge them for not wanting to take the hours and hours out of their day to understand this medium. it's not an accessible medium to get into. "read this and this, but this run is out of print and this run wasn't collected in trades at all but also make sure you read that event in order and this is a good comic but the backstory in it is retconned and you *have* to read this it's so important but it's also really bad because the author kind of sucks" sounds. ridiculous for someone who like. just wants to read some stuff about Nightwing. sometimes, we all make reading comics sort of sound like a chore, not a hobby.

so my point is, i do extend some grace to Batfamily fanon for existing. i think my biggest gripe is, as i said in my other post, misuse of tags (if you're not creating content about comics, maybe you don't need the comics fandom tag on Ao3, just the all media types umbrella tag) and my far bigger gripe: when panels are taken out of context to support fanon only headcanons. if i could impart *anything* onto the Batfamily fandom as a comic fan it'd be this: if you haven't *read* the comic, don't spread the panel. if you don't even know what comic it's *from*, don't spread the panel. it's fine to use comic panels to discuss your headcanons, but so often i see someone spreading a comic panel from a comic they haven't read, and when asked where it's from, they can't source it. a silly example that comes to mind is a post going around, taking a panel where Dick, in his internal monologue goes "here comes the sun. do do do do." and the post is claiming it's from him getting buried alive. when that panel comes from Nightwing (1996) #140, and he gets buried alive in Nightwing (1996) #127, two completely different moments frankensteined together. if you're going to not read the comics, that's completely fine, but unless you're sure of the source and the context, panels shouldn't be spread around. i'm sick of this specifically happening to Red Robin (2009), with ppl claiming Tim has totally killed people because he blew up some of Ra's' bases, when those panels within context, make it clear he gave everyone time to escape. and in a later arc in that very comic, Tim grapples with the idea of murdering Captain Boomerang, and *specifically chooses not to*, because he doesn't agree with murder, even against the person who has hurt him the most. if you'd like to write fanfiction where Tim is pro-murder and has done some sketch things, i'm totally on board and would probably like to read it. but there's no need to pretend it's canon from a few panels you saw out of context.

beyond that, i think it's not *entirely* correct to say that fanon is harmless. whenever i see very WFA-positive posts, they often default to the argument that WFA is fun and silly, and comic fans are killjoys for not liking it. which. i think is complicated because the issue is, WFA and fanon don't exist in a vacuum. if you like WFA power to you, i don't think it's the worst thing ever, but i do think it's degrading to these characters because honestly? they feel incompetent in the webtoon. it's one thing if WFA was solely a slice-of-life sort of deal, just having silly episodes where Bruce is taking on a PTA mom or they're all fighting for the last cookie. but when WFA attempts to take on more serious plots with these characters, it *fundamentally* falls flat in understanding them. i get it, Bruce comforting Jason having a panic attack because a noise reminded him of the crowbar felt cute in a microcosm, but i'm so serious when i say that storyline destroyed how like. half of this fandom understands Jason Todd's relationship to his trauma. it doesn't understand how he reacts when he's triggered, what coping mechanisms he seeks out, and how he would handle Bruce comforting him. even if i can believe for a brief moment Jason *would* be triggered by something like that, him running and trying to hide and then getting a hug from Bruce to make it okay is just. painful. WFA needs everything to be wrapped up in a nice, neat little bow. so even when it starts to tackle interesting concepts, it makes them fall flat with its need to be soft, low stakes, hurt/comfort. there was a two-parter episode that dealt with the complicated mutual hatred/jealousy between Tim and Damian that *almost* really interested me because for once, it felt like the webtoon wanted to explore canon messy dynamics. but of course, it had to be fixed with one conversation and a hug. you don't mend the *years* of issues these characters have like that. WFA isn't in character because these characters are hyperbole cartoonified versions of themselves to fit within the medium and be a cute happy family.

because that right there, is the crux of it. the Batfamily fanon seeks to simplify the Batfamily and force them into a nuclear family. there are so many fantastic posts on here discussing how the nuclear family-ification of the Batfam is eroding decades worth of complex histories so i won't go too far into that. but what i will say is that there's this need, in the Batfamily fandom, for the Batfamily to exist as a unit. they are a *family*. (honestly i think calling it the Batfamily is a misnomer and has been for years but we're in too deep now.) they exist to each other first, and any teams or friends they have come secondary to this family unit. you can *specifically* see this demonstrated in what headcanons are becoming popular these days. i have an entire lengthy meta in my drafts about how i *loathe* the "the Batfamily meets the Justice League" genre of fanfic because it makes no *sense*. in order to have this genre of fic exist, you must operate under the assumption that no one in the League, or adjacent to the League, knows the Batfamily exists and are thus utterly shocked to discover Batman has kids. and to make *that* work, you have to strip *every single Batfamily member* of such important dynamics and friendships so you can lock them all in Gotham for their whole lives. Dick can't have the Titans, Tim can't have Young Justice, Duke & Cass can't have the Outsiders, Jason can't have the Outlaws, Damian can't have the Supersons, Babs can't have the Birds of Prey, and so on. because if they had these relationships, they would be known to the League. the Batfamily fandom doesn't care about this, it's just "silly fanfiction", it's not trying to be serious. but how can you say you like Dick Grayson as a character if you don't understand the Titans *are* his family? at some points of his life, moreso than the Batfamily even is. it is constantly repeated to us in most comics with Dick how much the Titans mean to him. he *needs* them to be who he is. the same extends to every other Batfamily member, most of which have been full League members at this point. but in fanon, that doesn't matter. the Batfamily are a sequestered unit first, and all of those side relationships are secondary and easy to toss away, if it makes your fanfic work better.

and because they have to be a unit first, you have these forced relationships that dump years of actual canon material for the sake of making them get along. the Batfamily fandom has its favorites and well. it's no secret it's usually the boys. Jason and Tim by *far* stand out as fandom faves so, their dynamic is a heavily explored one. it does matter that in canon they don't tend to get along and especially don't see each other as family. what matters is that you can push dynamics onto them. and so fanon gets all twisted up about which Robin Tim actually idolized as a kid (Dick) and what member of the Batfamily is pro-murder but still an older sibling figure to him and looks out for him (Helena, or if you want the dynamic of once tried to harm Tim but they've reconciled, Jean-Paul) in favor of who's the most popular. Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian are always going to be the standouts for popularity, but it's specifically Jason and Tim who are getting fanonized the most. and that's because really, we don't have much canon content of Tim that *isn't* the comics. for Dick you've got Young Justice (tv), for Damian you've got the DCAMU, for Jason you've sort of got the Under The Red Hood movie, but Tim sort of lingers in this limbo. (yes, he's in Young Justce (tv) and Titans (live action) but in neither is he the main character nor given much depth) so, he gets a *lot* projected onto him and has become fanonized. and even with Jason's animated movies, you don't see him interact with Tim, so people build it from the ground up how they want to see it, disregarding of canon comics. i think it's what makes him so popular in the first place- he's malleable into whatever you want or need him to be.

and of course, the fanon ignores other characters in the Batfamily it doesn't know about. i feel like you could create a tier list of Batfamily characters by their popularity, going from the fandom main characters: Tim, Jason, Bruce, Alfred, Dick, Damian. to the underrated: Steph, Duke, Babs, Cass. to the forgotten about unless they're convenient for a story: Kate, the Foxes, Helena Wayne, Carrie, Selina, Harper Row, Maps, Minhkhoa Khan. to the absolutely unknown: Helena Bertinelli, Jean-Paul Valley, Onyx Adams, the Clovers, Julia Pennyworth. it's not lost on me that the ignored characters tend to be women and people of color. which is both a canon and fanon problem, DC will continue adding interesting characters to the Batfamily, play with them for a few years, then drop them to default to the "Batboys" again. and it's a vicious cycle of the fandom only caring about the "Batboys", and thus people entering the fandom via fanon osmosis won't have content about the other characters, therefore, they won't be interested in those characters enough to create it, and it's just this ouroboros consuming itself, no matter how much canon content we have of these other characters. and it's ridiculous just how large the Batfamily is becoming because of this, which is why i'm a pre-Flashpoint fan, because then the Batfamily was contained enough to actually feel like a family with every character having nuances relationships with each other, but i digress because those thoughts could be their own post.

and the thing about fanon is it doesn't exist in a vacuum. DC has started turning the comics to accommodate for what fans are asking for, because fans will beg and beg for content they're not going to consume. Tim Drake: Robin had Tim as a coffee drinker because that's the fanon accepted headcanon. and the resolution of the recent Gotham War arc was for Bruce to buy this new manor for everyone to move in and call him. nevermind that most of these characters have their own homes and have zero reason to be moving in with Bruce. Tim had his marina in Tim Drake: Robin, Dick has Bludhaven, Cass and Steph have their little side of town in Batgirls (2022), and so on. these characters are being forced together as a unit, as one big happy family living together, to appease what non-comic fans want and it's damaging comic relationships. Robin: Knight Terrors saw Jason and Tim team up and working together, which i've seen varying opinions on but i personally despised. their interactions made zero sense for any of their canon history, but it appeases them being this close sibling relationship that fanon acts like they are. also the fears they faced in their respective knight terrors didn't make sense for either character and *only* worked as a moment of bringing them together so they could reassure each other and have this weird dreamscape bonding moment. the canon is bending itself to the will of fanon rather than building on the pre-existing complex relationships. Tim barely even gets along with his most important team in Dark Crisis: Young Justice because it seems the only important relationships the Batfamily can have is with each other. and when we do see them outside of the Batfamily, it only seems to be to relive the glory days like with World's Finest: Teen Titans, instead of developing them as they currently exist. this isn't recent in the comics, it feels like you can trace it back to the New-52, but it does feel a *lot* worse over the recent years. WFA is fine when it exists in its own bubble, but the simple truth is, DC content never exists on its own. the adaptations will reflect back onto the comics. (the damage the Young Justice cartoon has done to some characters should honestly be studied) and so it does frustrate me a bit when fanon-only or adaptation-only fans act like we're being nothing but killjoys for being frustrated with this. since they don't read the comics, they don't see how the comics are suffering as a result of this.

people argue about what's out of character for the comics they don't even read. i'm sorry, but "bad dad Bruce" is consistently canon. that man is just kind of shitty. when you take someone who has the drive he has, who has this need for the Mission first, who needs a teenager in spandex next to him to keep him off the ledge, that guy is sort of going to be a shitty father figure. he just is. not on purpose or with malice, but when you compare him to any other dad in a big DC family, he sure takes the cake. it's why characters like Oliver Queen tend to *really* fucking hate Bruce for how he treats his kids. Bruce loves fiercely, but he doesn't do well with putting that love first. and his love is a controlling one, he is very particular about controlling how others in the Batfamily are "allowed" to operate. it's what drives the wedge between him and Dick, it's why Steph is never a true daughter to him. (besides the reason of her needing to be a love interest to Tim first, anyway-) i've never understood the massive outcry of people reacting to Bruce kinda being shitty in comics they're not reading. there are some moments that get ridiculously OOC with how cartoonishly evil he is (the whole Gotham War arc and that... complicated mess with Jason) but largely if you want sitcom loving nuclear father Bruce, you have to accept that is a fanon thing, not a canon one. the Batfamily being a nuclear family in *general* is fanon. most of the "Batkids" don't actually see Bruce in a particularly fatherly light and begging for moments where he calls them his kids or they call him dad outside of incredibly specific circumstances is just OOC.

it's getting harder and harder to exist peacefully in this fandom it feels like, if you don't comply to the standard fanon has set. i'm happy people are having fun with their blorbos, even if in ways i dislike, but that "harmless fandom fun" does ripple it's way back to canon, eventually. so i end up pretty tangled with my feelings because are fans at fault for DC making these poor decisions? probably not, but it certainly feels like an unfortunate cause-and-effect situation whether at the end of the day, nobody is happy. and of course, i know some fanon-only fans are striving to be more canon accurate and care about canon dynamics more than others, but for them it's always going to be an uphill battle with the above-mentioned out-of-context panels thrown around and ever-pervasive fanon overtaking anything that's truly seeking to be canon compliant. so really, it sometimes feels like we're all losing.

[pollikipollanovich]

Since you've blocked me lol

You know deep down this is a massive amount of dishonesty — pretending that women not wanting to chop off their tits is solely due to medical paranoia, as if it has nothing to do with living in a society that elevates having breasts and devalues being breastless. It’s like arguing that women keeping their hair long has nothing to do with sexism — a claim so ridiculous it deserves to be pointed at and laughed at.

Repeating “there is no reason to chop off your tits” like a broken radio won’t make this dumb claim any more true. Every choice has reasons including the ones you viciously condemn or approve.

I don’t care what you consider “healthy” or “unhealthy.” Those are value judgments, no matter who they come from. Notremoving your breasts also puts you at risk for all sorts of health issues which doesn't seem to bother you even tho those risks are even more frequent that mastectomy complications, which when they appear aren't even that serious. Clearly, your “muh health” is a front to mask more controversial motives you wont even admit if you even if you were made aware ofthem.

You say women don’t consciously think about keeping or removing their breasts, so what? And..it's no longer a choice bc they're too self-unaware ? What ? You really think pointing that out changes anything I’m saying? They still make the choice to keep them, for unwate reasons, that’s it.

Why are you bringing up radfems when I was referring to women in general since the very begginning ? But even then, what I said applies to virtually allradfems too. There are social, subconscious and consciously reasons behind that bodily choice and any choice in fact. Not thinking about it explicitly doesn’t mean it’s not motivated lol

So fine, choose to keep your breasts — but leave surgically breastless women alone. You sound so dumb, still under the impression that i'm making prescriptions. A broken parrot this girl

No, you dumbass omg— don’t open your nasty mouth to throw around terms you barely understand. My statements are not prescriptive (“should”), but descriptive (“this is why people do what they do”). I’m not telling anyone what they should do with their own body, unlike you with your ''breasts *should* be removed only for this reason" look at yourself in a mirror, u projecting clown, u are the one prescribing things here.

“The point of my paragraph was to prove that you can have something considered conventionally normative without taming it to conventional standards.”

Which was a stupid and irrelevant paragraph based on the same misunderstanding you made at begginning. It doesn’t engage with my point, which again is: your conformist decisions are motivated by sexist motive. Your point — that in some contexts a seemingly normative choice can be subversive — is irrelevant here.

“Mainstream society doesn’t ‘require’ women to have breasts. Women naturally have breasts.”

Yes, it does. Society implicitly demands that you look a certain way, that you don't remove your breasts. It expects you to naturally develop them, and when you don’t, you get medicalized/othered. You just have a very narrow idea of what a requirement is — as if it must involve artificial things only. But requirements also includes expectations about biological development. So yes, women typically grow breasts *and* society requires them to have/keep them. These two facts are not mutually exclusive, unless your mind is too tiny to hold both.

“There is no ‘breast conservation decision,’ because having breasts isn’t a choice.”

It is a choice — because there’s an intent concious or not to maintain your body in a certain state, to preserve it, and that intent has causes, which makes what you're doing a decision.

“We don’t wake up with the choice to get a double mastectomy every day (or any day, unless there’s a medical reason).”

Totally irrelevant. Read the previous paragraphs.

“The reason there’s a mainstream expectation for women to have breasts is because women are adult human females.”

Yeah, right — like society expects women to have long hair ONLY because hair grows naturally. And not because, like breasts, it relates to the male gaze.

Don’t be so dense. You choose to keep things that grow naturally — like keeping your hair long, even though its growth is “natural.” Just like keeping your nails at a certain length. Same goes for breasts. These are all choices over things that develop naturally.

“There’s a societal expectation to have fingernails. So not ripping them off isn’t some beauty decision. Do you know how fucking stupid you sound?”

Just because you pick an example that you find extreme or ridiculous doesn’t mean it’s false. It just means you’re a shallow dumbass who believes the coherence of a comparison is based on how normal it seems to you, rather than its internal logic. Shus.

“There’s a societal expectation for you to have legs. So if you want to go against it, go hack your legs off with a cleaver. Tell me how that goes, idiot.”

Yes — and once again, you think you’re contradicting me because the example feels too extreme for your tiny brain to process. You also still seem to be under this stupid impression that i'm making prescriptions by the mere act of describing people choices and their motives, which again just shows that you have hugee struggles to distinguish between 'what it is '(description) and 'what should be' (prescription).

“I retain my breasts because I see no reason to remove them.”

Then ask yourself: what’s the social origin of that reasoning? If you dig deep enough, you’ll find different roots, meaning that you're not doing it just for the reason you publicly stated. And let’s be real — part of the reason you wouldn’t want to cut them off is because you don’t want to look like a “deformed freak,” and dating anxiety is probably floating somewhere in your subconscious too like so many radfems here despite their pretenses of not wanting to date anyone. But given how disigenuous you are you just wont admit it here.

'real feminists DO care about those “micro contexts”. more proof that you are a TRA with a fetish.''

0 relevance, always off topic. a conclusion that doesn't even make sense, and ''micro contexts'' is irrelevant to my point. you're so horribly dumb that you can't follow my argument

your big issue is that you have awful reading comprehension skills coupled with a very black and white thinking. You should get tested for autism if you haven't already bc it's massive. 'REWARDED' here means that you receive benefits, a better status compared to those who don't conform, not that you're treated like an untouchable queen, applauded everywhere lmao. Which i made it very clear in my previous post where i mentioned some of the reasons why women don't want mastectomy. It's a matter of better vs worse social standing. Your contextual thinking is rly terrible and u are pathologically dishonest. It must be a daily struggle having your kind of mentality, so many strawmen vomited in seconds

What your ''radical acceptance '' scam consists of : forcing people to keep a sex conformist appearance, nullify that choice, then problematize and pathologize other choices that runs counter to that, and ofc refusing to apply any radfem analysis to the decisions you deem neutral. Indeed, an approach radical in its misogyny for someone who is supposed to be a radfem. It feels like interacting with a right winger who fetishizes ''the natural ways of being''' in a more or less concealed way

radfems point out that a woman choosing to undergo a mastectomy for trans reasons or breast augmentation is rooted in misogyny in one way or another, and I agree to some extent. But why wouldn’t that also apply to women who choose not to undergo these procedures and are satisfied with their own unmodified chests?

That’s still a bodily choice, even if it’s usual, and this choice has causes and consequences. Those things still develop within a social context that’s heteronormative and misogynistic, just like the other bodily decisions and feelings about one's body.

So all those things considered, it's pretty clear that misogyny is still involved, undeniably even. To be breastless (especially out of nonmedical reasons) is to be socially read as abnormal, unfeminine, undesirable and that attracts all sort of worse social treatments, especially from men.

Keeping one’s breasts on the other hand, means the opposite: staying in the norm, so being more feminine, more desirable, more typical, and consequently having a better social/symbolic standing compared to women who removed theirs. Deriving satisfaction from having a 'standard' chest makes sense but still, that feeling is built indirectly on the male gaze, on a system that valorizes & rewards some bodies at the expense of others ouf of misogynistic reasons. The root is still misogyny not matter the choice, really.

Keeping your breasts or cutting them off isn't really any different in terms of misogyny, one could even argue that not removing them is actually more misogynistic than doing so because it would means caring more about being 'properly female' so appealing more to males and being more compliant to sexist cultural comfort

At least, tifs are doing subversive choices even tho they're rooted in sexism, while most of you are choosing to align yourselves with sexist ideals ouf of misogyny. Honestly, who's worse here ?

[silverwhittlingknife]

hi Silver! o/ because that fanart made me wonder - would you happen to know when/where Dick's stuffed elephant plush Zitka turns up in the comics?

GREETINGS CAM <3333 THAT ART WAS SO CUTE

Yeah, I think your instincts are right - it's a truly adorable bit of transformative fandom, but I'm 95% percent sure it's not comics canon. Barbara has canon plushies, but I don't think anyone else does.

I got kinda invested in the investigation (it's hard to prove a negative!) and I ended up typing out an entire History of Elinore/Zitka, so, uh, if you're curious, meet me below the cut for:

Where does Elinore / Zitka - the animal - appear in comics?

Did Dick ever have a stuffed elephant toy in comics?

Where does Elinore / Zitka appear in comics?

We're gonna go in chronological order!

Dick's circus elephant friend was first created for practical reasons: in Batman 436, Marv Wolfman does a big expanded flashback to Dick's circus backstory as a way to subtly show us Tim before officially introducing him (so that we can have a technically-solvable mystery-of-Tim's-identity in LPoD). In this comic, there's an elephant named Elinore who loves Dick:

Aww. Such a cute elephant!

Batman 436 comes out in August 1989. New Titans 60 comes out a few months later, in November, and guess what? When Dick visits the circus, he is suddenly surprised by an unexpected blast from the past! It turns out that even though it's been years, Elinore still remembers him!

Here's the part where Elinore remembers Dick:

SUCH a cute elephant. I love her.

(Guess who else still remembers Dick even though it was so long ago. Guess which other character is about to be an unexpected blast from the past. Guess which character Elinore is directly paralleling guess guess guess sorry everything is about Dick and Tim in my mind but I can focus I swear)

Four years later, in 1993, Batman: The Animated Series retells Dick's origin story. They like and keep Wolfman's elephant, but they change her name to Zitka:

Wolfman doesn't return to the elephant beyond those two appearances, and a few years down the line, New Titans gets cancelled and Wolfman's not writing Dick anymore anyway. So the animal gets abandoned for a while, until Devin Grayson, a fan of both Wolfman and B:tAS, revives the Wolfman-era Titans team in JLA/Titans and then the ongoing series Titans 1999.

Grayson then brings back the elephant in a flashback to Dick's past in Titans 16 (Jun 2000), where she imports the B:tAS name. Sometimes I'm skeptical of TV-to-comics imports, but honestly, I endorse this one. You lose the alliteration, which is a shame, but IMO Zitka is a better elephant name than Elinore.

Here's Dick with the newly-christened Zitka in Titans 16:

Grayson also briefly references the elephant in Gotham Knights 20 and - in a final angsty callback - in Nightwing 88 (Feb 2004), where Zitka tries futilely to comfort Dick in the midst of his trauma conga line:

... And... honestly, I think that's it for comic appearances? The two Wolfman comics plus the three Grayson comics.

Both Wolfman and Grayson are writing multiple titles - Batman, New Titans, Titans, Gotham Knights, and Nightwing between the two of them, spanning a big chunk of Dick's post-Crisis canon - and both writers use the elephant for heartwarming moments of nostalgia, which means if you're doing a post-Crisis readthrough for Dick, Elinore/Zitka feels memorable. But I don't think she actually shows up that much.

For post-2011, I am not as well-informed - throwing this out to the dash? anyone know? - but I feel like Zitka the heartwarming symbol of Dick's heartwarming circus past is, uh, thematically very at odds with the Court of Owls evil!circus vibes, so my instinct is that this story element was almost certainly dropped in the reboot.

Did Dick ever have a stuffed elephant toy in comics?

In WFA, yes; in main comics continuity, no. Technically, I have not read every comic ever published, so I could be wrong!! But I don't think so.

Below, find my rambling reasoning on the tonal vibes of pre-Crisis, post-Crisis, and post-2011, and why this particular story element doesn't seem right to me for the first two.

Pre-Crisis (...okay, mostly the Silver Age): stuffed animal, yes or no?

tl;dr no, requires too much background knowledge on the part of the reader, plus the elephant wasn't a thing until later

Elinore doesn't get created until post-Crisis, but also just generally, pre-Crisis callbacks are more along the lines of this reference in Batman 129 (published in 1960), where, wow, Batman and Robin are hunting jewel thieves - and it turns out Robin recognized this strongman! BUT HOW?!

The comic goes on to recap Dick's entire origin story in flashback, on the assumption that you may not know it.

(BTW, if you'd like to know more about Haly's Circus throughout the years, nightwingology has a great post here summarizing a lot of fun plotlines and characters!)

Basically: Silver Age comics are very self-consciously episodic and kid-friendly; they're not generally gonna do overly-elaborate callbacks because they don't know what comics their kid readers may have randomly picked up or remember.

By the time of post-Crisis, comic books were being written for an adult audience buying from the direct market, i.e. readers who are collecting whole runs & don't need or want Dick's origin story to be recapped to us in full every time it's referenced. That's why in post-Crisis, we get stuff like "hey, neat, this particular soda brand is getting mentioned in several different books!!" or "in order to understand this story arc, buy SIXTEEN DIFFERENT COMICS in FIVE DIFFERENT RUNS and read them ALL ACCORDING TO A NUMBERED ORDER and also you better be following the individual plotlines and recognize these five minor characters who we don't bother to introduce!! Good luck!!" But the elaborate post-Crisis plotlines - and subtler worldbuilding like a stuffed animal callback to Dick's backstory - don't make a lot of story sense UNLESS you're imagining your readers as completionist adult fans.

So IMO a stuffed animal wouldn't be a pre-Crisis thing unless it was The Episodic Story Of the Week, and I don't think a stuffed animal is action-adventure-y enough for the fast-paced storytelling of the Silver Age. (Unless it, like, came to life and tried to eat you or something.)

Post-Crisis: stuffed animals, yes or no?

tl;dr: no, Dick's a manly tough guy, he's not gonna have a stuffed animal, that'd be lame, like something Tim might do

Part of the edgy grimdark adult vibes in 80s/90s comics is that some characters who used to be kinda silly & goofy & lighthearted - like Batman and Robin - get reimagined as Serious and Angsty and Edgy in a Tough Cool Manly Brooding Way. This massively affects characterization for Bruce, Dick, and Bruce and Dick's relationship.

(I obviously love this change & love the tense Bruce-and-Dick interactions, but plenty of fans of the earlier fluffy comics really disliked the edgy retcons of Miller / Wolfman / Starlin / et al.)

The upshot is that post-Crisis is a period when you could have a recurring reference like a stuffed elephant, but you wouldn't have a stuffed elephant, not for Dick. I think a toy like that would be too cutesy / childish / effeminate to give a male character in post-Crisis, unless you were poking fun at him.

Now, you could probably let Tim have a stuffed animal, because Tim is sometimes cool but also sometimes a tryhard loser who is faking being cool and not entirely pulling it off (see e.g. the Robin comic where he practices tough-guy faces in the mirror, or the Teen Titans comic where Conner discovers his cringy Enya CD, or when he's fanboying over Connor and it's awkward, etc etc.). A stuffed animal would be deeply embarrassing, and you'd have to be careful to compensate by having Tim do something cool afterward - but Tim's character concept allows for "he's kind of a loser sometimes."

But Dick isn't!! In post-Crisis, Dick's a tough / impressive / "cool guy" character, the kind of guy anyone would want to be, even in the flashbacks where he's Robin, and even in the stories where he's more lighthearted than angsty. It'd be kinda lame for Dick to have a stuffed elephant, so he wouldn't. I feel like Dick would be more likely to poke fun at it if someone had one, like when he's making fun of Wally for liking the Hardy Boys. Dick could have a Batman action figure, at most, and if he had one he would have it ironically.

Basically: in post-Crisis, a male character hugging a stuffed elephant feels more likely to be a punchline to me, not something poignant. (Even with Tim, Tim could have an embarrassing stuffed animal, but he couldn't hug it when sad - that's too far. Maybe Booster Gold might do this. Probably he wouldn't, but spiritually, he would. Sorry Booster ilu! <3)

Instead, Dick instinctively deals with his inner turmoil like the TORTURED ACTION HERO he is: by punching things and brooding and yelling and joining the mob and sleeping on rooftops and going on obsessive secret missions and acquiring Angsty Stubble!! Just like Batman!

(Technically I don't know if Bruce ever joined the mob but you know he would.)

Anyway as you know this is my favorite continuity and I am poking fun affectionately, but uh, yeah sdfsfdsfs. No stuffed animals.

Post-2011 / Infinite Frontier / Wayne Family Adventures: stuffed animals, yes or no?

tl;dr it's in WFA! Probably not anywhere else, but it could be.

Post-2011 stuff tends to be cutesier overall, most of all in the current Infinite Frontier era. So I don't feel like this would be tonally out-of-line with IF comics. Taylor tends to go for more meme-y references rather than fanfic references, though.

So the obvious best fit is WFA, which is aiming for a rough approximation of Silver Age family-friendly vibes - wholesome, episodic plots, Teaching Good Moral Lessons For The Youth, etc. - plus lots of Easter eggs for fanfic readers and some comic references.

And look, here we are:

Aww.

Whew - that's everything I could find!

Anyway as you can probably tell, I LOVE the elephant, so this was a very entertaining rabbit hole to go down, thank you <3

[pronouncingitwang]

adam scott says in the "inside the episode" of 2.07 that it allows the audience to "see the magic of gemma and why she immediately took over [mark's] life and his heart" and dichen lachman describes the ep in the severance podcast as "the audience getting to know [gemma] and everyone seeing what mark had that he lost." well, what about gemma? how much do we really get to know her? what did she lose? why did mark take over her heart?

they had 50 minutes for a Gemma Episode and they spent half of it on dead wife tropes and her smiling at mark with come-hither eyes while not giving us a single new fact* about her or a relationship outside of mark and mark's family. a subversion of the dead wife trope is not just scenes later showing they had an imperfect marriage bc mark (or nobody) is the problem in all of those scenes; you need to disrupt the idea that she was the perfect wife, and i don't think we get that. so much of it is explicitly presented through mark's pov. she doesn't hurt him at any point. she's just there being lovely or victimized as he loves or neglects her. everything we learned about her past gives more depth to his current grief but contributes little to our understanding of her current suffering or motivations. that could change with time, but for a first try, i think it's an abysmally bad showing

* that wasn't in mark's 1.07 monologue, his conversations with devon and alexa, or the the you you are pdf, all of which i think did a better job than this episode

[im-just-a-simp-le-whore]

I haven't played them, but I've watched playthroughs of 4 and 5

I went into it knowing the games would be very different from the new anime. Just based on discourse I had seen online prior.

I started with DMC5 and fucking loved it. I had only seen a handful of cut scenes out of context before so, it was essentially going in blind lmao. By the end of it, I was absolutely in love with Vergil and V. Vergil being the obsession that took over my brain (as if my Tumblr page isn't proof enough of that!)

That being said, I don't enjoy Vergil in the anime, his voice in it doesn't fit him at all in my opinion! The voice actor did great, just not what I'm used to Vergil sounding like!

I also thought it was weird that in the anime Vergil was (willingly??? I fucking hope not) working with Mundus. Because right after I finished watching that DMC5 playthrough, I immediately started watching lore videos to understand what was going on, and learned that Vergil in the games was not working with Mundus willingly, at all. So that was really fucking weird and do not like it for the new anime.

As for my thoughts on Lady in the new anime..

I actually enjoy the fact she cussed like a sailor? I talk in a very similar fashion, and it was nice to see in media. But I can completely understand why fans of the games wouldn't like the new lady. It was so polarizing seeing her in dmc5 and her being so soft spoken, I absolutely love her voice in dmc5, it's my favorite so far.

Onto Trish. So in terms of her in dmc5, I fucking loved her. Her conversation with V is my favorite scene with her. (I read Visions of V and cried at that scene in the manga) It weirds me tf out that people ship Trish and Dante knowing good and damn well she looks exactly like his mama. (Vergil calling his mom 'mama' broke me goodlord-)

I didn't really have that much of an opinion Nero until the very end. I could not for the life of me figure out where he had come from. I knew from edits and people talking about DMC where lady and Trish had come from, but not him so that was super fucking confusing (this is also what I get for watching the games backwards, I've started it now and can't stop lol)

Then I watched a dmc4 playthrough, loved it as well. Wheeze-laughed A LOT. I fucking love Nero and Kyrie. I especially love Nero's boy band hair cut. Dante's also gives off boy band vibes lol. (I know for dmc4 there's a dlc for Vergil I haven't watched that yet)

Absolutely loved Nero, in the best way he super reminds of RE2remake Leon and that young boyish, hasn't seen a lot of the world outside-of-his-home-kind-of-way of wanting to save people and do the right thing.

Dante coming down in a way that is almost angelic and then shooting the fortuna equivalent of the pope was fucking hilarious. Him and Nero fighting twice was also funny, given that the second time they do fight, Nero whoops Dante's ass, pins him to the ground and just punched him nonstop while Dante is fucking fighting his devil trigger is very funny to me.

Credo just being like: "well I agree with these plans of opening portals in spardas name"

Mock pope dude: "great, but we're using your younger sister and her boyfriend thing as like ritualistic sacrifices!"

Credo: "wait a damn minute-"

Credo: "fuck you and the order of the sword, I can tolerate opening portals but draw the line at using my little sister and her boyfriend"

And then immediately turns on the pope, gets his shit rocked and DIES

What the fuck Capcom??? Nero can't have shit in this house, not a mom, dad or an older brother figure. Christ!

At least he gets Kyrie in the end. Also, Nero making fun of that dude with the stutter (nicos dad I think?) was fucking funny. I've no idea if you've ever seen Billy Madison (starring Adam Sandler) but in one of the scenes he goes "t-t-t-today junior!" And that's all I could think!

I've yet to watch 3 purely bc my wifi shit out, so when my wifi is back, I will watch it and if I remember, update this post. At some point I will watch the older anime as well, if I can find it to watch

TL:DR

Fucking love DMC. The new anime is fun, but I don't like how they characterized Vergil in it, or his voice. It just doesn't match his face (if that makes any sense)

There have to be people playing the devil may cry games for the first time right now with zero prior knowledge of them because they liked the Netflix TV show and I want to pick their brains so bad. The games and show are so different from each other in so many ways that I'm struggling to picture what netflix DMC fans would expect from the games and whether they'd even like them.

If you are one of these people please respond. I'm super curious!

[martwy-basen]

people on twitter cling to that "sniper's dad fucking SUCKS he taught him toxic masculinity and he is a BAD FATHER" narration for canon sniper so hard and i just. NEED to know why /gen

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

This might be a bit random but would you say you have any thoughts on Neurodivergent readings of Zhongli (more specifically autistic)? I was thinking about it in the latest chapter of JG amd even before then too. as an autistic person myself i feel he reads very heavily as such, especially when talking about his human mask and feeling like he doesn't need to force it as much with childe, and his issues with human expression in smiling etc. but I think it's then an interesting debate between that and the fact that, well, he's just not human. that all comes from a place of being an entirely different species, unevolved and unrelated to human brains and how they think and read social patterns, and I feel we don't really have any way of telling if ZL has any divergent tendencies among dragons right? and even then he's half, too, so that affects things.

anyway sorry for the ramble I was mainly wondering if you had any opinions on the matter, or if you intended the parallels I definitely see while reading your Zhongli! love your work as always <3333

i think i might've commented on this at some point but never directly, so here – i do have thoughts on the matter!

as you mentioned, it's difficult to tell with characters that aren't human, because you can't call something 'neurodivergent' if the bases for their neurotypical-ity are not the ones by which we measure this stuff. so, to me, ALL non-human characters are neurodivergent-coded. they may not be neurodivergent, technically speaking (like how you mentioned, maybe all dragons are just like zl), but to us, they read as such. so, coded. ultimately i do think there is merit in labeling them as neurodivergent because, even if they, again, technically aren't; we are going to run into problems if we attempt to treat them as neurotypical, so we might as well say yeah, neurodivergent. it is also kinda correct anyway – they do diverge from us. that's a fact. it's like saying dogs are colorblind. if all dogs see in the same range, then you can't say your dog in specific is colorblind (unless it actually is but that's beside the point); but compared to us, from our perspective, for what it matters to us and how that will translate into how we treat them then yes! dogs are colorblind! i think i mentioned it once in conjunction with characters like alhaitham. to me, zhongli is neurodivergent-coded, while alhaitham is neurodivergent straight-up. because (as far as we know) he's human, so his brain should, in theory, be like ours.

as for which flavor of neurodivergency zl is coded to have in specific i would agree with you on autism! but then again, i'm not an expert on these things, i don't know the exact ins and outs and the specific characteristics that constitute an autistic character – i just write them the way i perceive them, with the quirks i perceive them to have. not to get preachy but i think that's the better way to write characters in general, since that's how real people work, after all. people with autism aren't born fitting some parameters that will make them autistic – they're born with specific quirks that we then interpret as autism, and even then you don't necessarily get two people having the exact same experience with this. most of these terms are umbrella terms regardless as to how well-defined or how big or small the umbrella is.

so yeah!

[mad-hunts]

thinking that, at this point, i should just create a multi BC a bunch of old character concepts that i had that i wrote on another platform or developed and did nothing with have been popping up in my head lately + it's like... i've got too many to make an individual account for each but i also know nothing about running a multi NGL ahahhh

[teddybeartoji]

i have just ONE more big thing to do today and then i can fuck around in peace but oh my god it's so annoying .