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theserpentsadvocate · 6 months ago

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Something I've been thinking about a lot lately as I slowly transition out of the industry (at least temporarily) is just how much working in fast food will show this to you.

Admittedly, I've only worked at the one restaurant, albeit for four years, so this is a personal observation, not a sociological study, but for what it's worth - I really thought I was doing well on this score, when I started working at McDonald's. And in a lot of ways I probably was: I had what I still consider to be the 'right' opinions on things like fatphobia and the pretty-is-not-a-tax-etc aspect of feminism and disability and had reconsidered some beauty standards and opinions I didn't know I had after exposure to a larger (in-person) social group with a lot of trans people and fat people in it. I was definitely doing better than twenty-year-old me on a lot of those scores, and it was because I'd worked at being a good person and I think it's right to be proud of that even as I don't stop doing that work, and so on and so forth.

But. Working fast food will take all the sneaky little nonsense prejudices you have about people's appearance and rub your face in them, because we serve everybody. The first time I got a customer in the drive-through with massively noticeable burn scarring (his face was affected and one ear at least was basically missing), I was shaken. I felt bad for being shaken, but I was. I served him like I would anyone else, and desperately hoped I hadn't had any noticeable outward reaction, and felt guilty for caring and even guiltier on the off-chance I'd made him feel bad.

This guy turned out to be a semi-regular (and very polite and friendly, since I'm mentioning him), and within a month or so the scarring became something I no longer had to work not to notice, but more importantly, after him, and a couple customers with similarly noticeable skin condition, I mostly stopped having that shock reaction the first time I saw someone. Not never; I'm still human, and when you're not expecting it, some things can be kind of shocking if they're different from what you're used to. But having no choice but to see everyone who comes through will sure break you of your weird, internal ideas of what a person is or isn't 'supposed' to look like.

We get a lot of homeless, or homeless-adjacent customers. A lot of them smell. Some of them have weird growths on their hands - one guy in particular has some kind of almost backwards claw growing up from the base knuckle of one of his fingers. I have to take their order, and their money, the same as anybody's. And yes, I wash my hands after a little more eagerly, but having to work a little harder to keep the customer service face on also usually makes me think about why I'm having to work a little harder. And I'm not just criticizing here; I think it is perfectly legitimate to dislike having to smell something unpleasant, for instance - and while a lot of these people are sweet, not all of them are, and one specifically has made my list of Top Five Worst Customers. But I also think it probably made me a better person, and definitely made me a more aware person, to have to interrogate my discomfort on a regular basis.

(There's something similar to be said about people with mental health issues or learning disabilities, but I think that would be getting off topic.)

We have a lot of customers who are just kind of ugly, or who don't have all their teeth (something I always notice, because it bothers me but also because it makes me worry about the unfortunate shape of my own teeth), or who are fat, or who have various things that read as abnormalities, like the lady with the random bald spot on the back of her head (who is always very nice, for the record). My experience has been that it sure will smack you upside the head with the knowledge that people look like anything and everything, and they're all people, and you are forced to treat them that way. Not that I needed force, exactly, but it changes the dynamic in a way that I've found really enlightening.

We also get, for instance, a lot of people with accents*, and while that's never been an issue for me (I pride myself at being Very Good At Interpreting The Speaker, although I can only do so much when my coworkers are talking on the headset), I'm sure there are people for whom that was a similar experience to mine with regard to skin conditions/pronounced scarring - not necessarily because they're bad people, but because they haven't had that exposure. Or maybe it was disabled customers - again, not anything I found jarring, because I have disabled friends and family members and have done a lot of reading about activism and disability rights and just exposing myself to various ways of normalizing disability, but not everyone has had that.

I don't have a wrap-up for this or anything, but... it felt relevant. I got a lot from doing four years in customer service (confidence and pride in my people skills, an ability to list off many post-tax prices without looking, good references, etc.) but this is maybe the most valuable to me as a person, even though it's really hard to quantify.

*this doesn't just mean a lot of immigrants/tourists (although, yes); this is a city with a prominent university, but on top of the student population we're also near a military base, so we get a.) lots of New Zealand military personnel who are visiting or coordinating or whatever it's called when two countries have friendly militaries, and b.) lots of people from Quebec who are stationed here currently

a lot of it just boils down to "as you move through the world sometimes you will see ugly people, and that's not a problem that needs solving"

you will see people who are old. you will see people who are fat. you will see people who are disabled. you will see people who are not making an effort to keep up with their hygiene or their hair or their clothes. you will see people wearing clothes and makeup and jewelry of a subculture you find disturbing and offputting. this is all fine. this does not need to be solved.

the offered solution has often been to say "oh no, don't say ugly, they're all beautiful in their way!" but that's not the point. nobody has to be beautiful just to exist, to be in public, to be in your view. that road leads to dudebros saying that women they don't consider sufficiently fuckable should wear bags over their heads. to HOAs urging residents to call the cops on homeless encampments being an 'eyesore' on their beautiful streets. to people pushing for institutionalization so that they don't have to share a public with neurodivergent people. to people demanding that physically divergent people trigger tag photos of themselves.

"everyone is beautiful" works up until you find someone you can't see the beauty in. but it doesn't matter. nobody is entitled to a world populated exclusively by beautiful people. no matter what tv and the internet may have led you to believe.

#i dunno this is hard to tag #i contributed to this

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princesssarisa · 2 years ago

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For the character ask: Elphaba and Glinda (Wicked)

Well, I'm not deeply familiar with this show, just casually familiar, but here goes. Musical only, because I haven't read the book.

Elphaba

Favorite thing about them: I admire her for standing up against injustice and fighting to free others from oppression, even if it means being labeled a "wicked witch" by all of Oz and risking her life. Beyond that, I like how relatable she is, both in her anger and in her vulnerability and yearning for love, to anyone who feels different or cast out. For a wide array of reasons – race, neurodivergence, sexuality, gender identity, political stance – countless people identify with her and feel validated because she exists. This makes her a valuable character for much the same reason as her spiritual sister (and sound-alike) Elsa from Frozen. It's probably the main reason why the trend of "famous villain reimagined as an outcast hero or heroine" has become so popular throughout the last two decades – a trend that as far as I know, Elphaba single-handedly started.

Least favorite thing about them: I hate the catfight scene with Glinda after Nessarose's death, although I blame Glinda more for it – at least Elphaba's anger is righteous and not jealousy-based. Morally, though, the worst thing she does is imprison Dorothy.

Three things I have in common with them:

*I often feel like an outsider.

*I'm outraged by social injustice and do what I can to help the marginalized.

*I have a temper that I try to control, though fortunately mine doesn't cause magical mishaps.

Three things I don't have in common with them:

*I'm not brave enough to become the most hated and feared outlaw in my country in the name of fighting for justice.

*I don't pretend not to care what others think of me.

*I don't have green skin.

Favorite line: The lyrics to "The Wizard and I," "Defying Gravity," and "No Good Deed."

brOTP: In-universe, Glinda. In crossover-land, I'd also love to see her meet Elsa from Frozen and Angelina Jolie's Maleficent (both of whom arguably owe their existence to her), and maybe Enjolras from Les Misérables, since he's a fellow revolutionary – there's a funny fan comic that shows them getting drunk together at a slumber party for musical characters.

OTP: Fiyero. (Yes, I know that for some fans it's sacrilege not to ship her with Glinda, but I just like her better with Fiyero romantically, and besides, if we don't believe she really loves him, then the emotional power of "No Good Deed" and the sweet part of the bittersweet ending both fall flat.)

nOTP: The Wizard, even if he weren't her father.

Random headcanon: Someday she'll learn that the Wizard was her real father, and she'll be shaken by the revelation, but ultimately it will matter less to her than it does to him. He was just a sperm donor.

Unpopular opinion: Two of them.

(1) I think some fans – and maybe the libretto itself – view her too much as a "morally ambiguous" character. "She's neither a good guy nor a bad guy," they say, "there are two sides to every story." But IMHO, the real morally ambiguous figure in this show is Glinda. Elphaba is never perfect, it's true, but she's a straightforward sympathetic heroine until the 11th hour, when she only temporarily turns "bad" because she's emotionally broken. For the most part, she is a good guy.

(2) She's not a lesbian, she's bisexual. While she might have some unspoken feelings beyond friendship for Glinda, she truly is in love with Fiyero (see OTP above).

Song I associate with them: All her solos, but especially the iconic "Defying Gravity":

youtube

Favorite pictures of them:

Idina Menzel:

Eden Espinosa:

Rachel Tucker:

Dee Roscioli:

Jackie Burns:

Willemijn Verkaik (also the Dutch voice and German singing voice of Elsa in Frozen, reinforcing the Elphaba/Elsa spiritual kinship):

Mary Kate Morrissey:

Cynthia Erivo in the film:

Glinda

Favorite thing about them: Her sheer three-dimensionality and growth as a character. Of course she's not the purely good, fairy-like Glinda from The Wizard of Oz, but neither is she the shallow, bubble-headed "mean girl" she seems to be at first. She's probably the most complex character in the musical. I think she's very comparable to the King in The King and I, her relationship with Elphaba corresponding to his with Anna. Like him, she's funny and she sometimes seems like a silly, spoiled jerk, but she has real warmth, cleverness, and sympathetic qualities too, and is torn between a flawed status quo and risky changes, as well as between her conscience and her ego, while navigating a position of power. This is rare for a female character, especially an unabashedly girly one.

Least favorite thing about them: That she turns against Elphaba and tries to get her captured by the Wizard, taking advantage of her sister's death to do it no less, just because she's angry that Fiyero left her for Elphaba. Yes, she regrets it and they have their heartwarming reconciliation in the end, but it's still very bad.

Three things I have in common with them:

*I like pastel colors like pink and pale blue.

*I'm not always brave enough to stand up for what I know is right.

*I can be very lively and exuberant about things I enjoy.

Three things I don't have in common with them:

*I've always been an "odd one out," not part of the popular crowd.

*I don't tend to be cutesy or flirty.

*I can't imagine myself becoming a political leader.

Favorite line: Most of her solo lines from "Thank Goodness," showing her inner conflict under her happy facade.

brOTP: Elphaba.

OTP: None. I know this is unpopular among fans who ship her with Elphaba, but I ship her first and foremost with personal growth.

nOTP: Fiyero or the Wizard.

Random headcanon: Someday she'll meet Elphaba and Fiyero again. I don't know the details, but it will be an exciting sequel, and even if they part again in the end, she at least won't need to live the rest of her life thinking they died because of her.

Unpopular opinion: I can't agree when I see people write about what a wonderful friend to Elphaba she is, how she's the best person in Elphaba's life, or how she's actually wiser than Elphaba because she knows that to achieve anything socio-politically you need to be liked. While of course she's more sympathetic than she seems at first, she's still deeply flawed both as a person and as a friend – that's part of the point – and while it's true that she, not Elphaba, is the one who frees Oz from the Wizard's rule in the end, she never would have done it without being "changed for good" by Elphaba.

Song I associate with them: All her songs, but especially "Popular":

youtube

Favorite pictures of them:

Kristin Chenoweth:

Megan Hilty:

Kendra Kassebaum

Gina Beck

Erin Mackey:

Sophie Evans:

Brittney Johnson (the first black Glinda):

Ariana Grande in the film:

#character ask #wicked #musical theatre #ask game #elphaba #glinda #fictional characters #fictional character ask

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rainplaysswtor · 4 years ago

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SWTOR: New Player Combat/Survival Tips

If you're familiar with SWTOR, these are things you probably know backward and forward. Think back, though: when you first downloaded and started playing, were they all so obvious - particularly if you didn't play similar games/MMOs before? Here are ten things I wish I'd known when I started playing SWTOR. If you're a newbie, hopefully they will help you too. 1. Take a picture of your abilities bar.

There are several bugs in various areas that will inadvertently unlock your abilities bar, sending your carefully arranged abilities scattering in all directions. You may accidentally unlock the bar yourself, or forget to lock it again after adjusting something.

Take a photo of your characters' abilty bars. Use the screenshot function in the game. Use CTRL+Print Screen on a PC. Take a photo of the screen with your phone. Whatever works. That way, if a character's abilities go floating, you will have a reference guide to put everything back in its proper place.

2. Kill the healers first.

In a lot of fights, there will be medics or other NPCs who heal their colleagues as you're fighting. Needless to say this can complicate your fights.

Sometimes the medics really will have nameplates that say 'medic.' Other times they won't. You have to learn to pick them out of the crowd. They usually hang toward the back of the mob, as opposed to the other NPCs who will charge at you. They are also often weaker and don't have gold or silver tags. You may spot them fiddling with a scanner device in their hand or casting Force healing toward whoever you're fighting. Look at what your own healer companions do, and learn to recognize it - and then take out the healers first.

3. Learn what your interrupts are.

Every character is given at least one 'interrupt.' This is an ability that, as the name would suggest, can interrupt a cast or an action being taken by an enemy NPC. If you use this skill, you stop the enemy from doing whatever it is trying to do to you.

How do you find out what your interrupt skill is? Click P. Now click on the first entry, and scroll down the list to browse your abilities. Click the second and do the same. If you mouse over each ability, you will get a text box that tells you what they do.

Every class and advanced class has their own interrupt(s), and the icons often have different meanings with different classes - so do read the descriptions.

Once you have found your interrupt, make sure it's on your ability bar. How? Unlock your ability bar with the small padlock on the left. Put your cursor over the skill you want (you can only do this with abilities that are NOT marked as "passive"). Put the skill on the ability bar. Lock it by clicking the padlock again.

I tend to keep my interrupts and stun breakers on the far right side of the bar so I always know where they are immediately.

4. Learn what your stun breakers/cleanses are.

Every character also has at least one 'stun breaker.' This is an ability that will break a hold that an enemy NPC has on you or cleanse a negative effect they've given you. you want to know what this is and have it on your abilities bar ready to go.

How do you find your stun breaker (s)? See above.

5. Learn what your stuns are.

As the name would suggest, these are skills that momentarily stun or incapacitate an enemy so they stop fighting you. If you're having trouble in a fight, stunning them for a second can help you take a breather.

Find them and put them on your ability bar by following the instructions above.

6. Know if your character has heals, and what they are.

Some advanced classes, notably Marauders, really don't have any good ways to heal themselves in battle. Others, like Sage and Mercenaries, have a lot of heals for themselves and others. Find them. Add them to your abilities bar.

For the characters that have a lot of heals, like Sorcerers, Scoundrels and Operatives, I find that it helps to keep them all in one place - in my case, on the left hand abilities side bar.

7. Use your Heroic Moment.

Heroic Moment is a special set of abilities you can call upon. You can get eight of them in total. They are awarded when you finish each class story for the first time. They include an orbital strike, a kick, Force lightning, and more. You will also be slowly healed for the entire two minutes the Heroic Moment is active. The abilities will appear in a special bar above your regular abilities bar - use them as you will.

If you're having trouble in a fight or fighting a boss, do not feel shy about calling on your Heroic Moment. You can only use it once every five minutes. If you have a boss fight coming up, don't feel bad about hanging back for a moment to let it cool down.

8. Repair your gear whenever you can.

Your weapons and other gear get damaged as you fight. As it wears down, it's less effective at both offense and defense, and your fights will become more difficult and longer. Repair it whenever you can. You will know if you need to repair your gear if the "repair all" button is lit up when you are interacting with a vendor. Invest in the Legacy repair perks, which allow you to summon a field repair droid. Buy the Legacy perk which places a repair droid on your ship. As you are out and about, remember just about any vendor can repair your gear, not just the ones marked as medical droids.

8. Make friends with at least one companion.

Your companions can be set to heal, tank or go on the offense (damage). The higher your influence is, the more effective they will be at any role. IMHO it's really worth it to work on getting at least one favored companion to influence level 50. Or as high as you can.

You can raise your companions' influence by giving them gifts they like, getting approval (or even disapproval) from them in conversations and cut scene choices, and sending them on crew skills missions. There are two Legacy perks - Legacy of Altruism and Legacy of Persuasion - that will raise the amount of influence you get from conversations and gifts. IMHO they are worth buying.

8. a. Use Presence stims

Let's say you have a required companion for some content - something that annoyingly happens more and more. Let's say your influence with that companion is low. Buy a Command/Presence stim from the nearest medical droid. They're usually pink. These stims raise your presence level so your companion(s) will temporarily be more effective.

9. Get some datacrons

Datacrons are little magical cubes that you can find here and there on SWTOR's many planets, moons, and even the Fleets. Each datacron will permanently bump up your Mastery, Endurance or Presence stats slightly for all your characters and give you some XP and a lore entry, and those things are always helpful.

If you've read the guides for the datacrons you might be intimidated. It's true that some of them are so hard to get that you may spend hours trying. When I started playing SWTOR I didn't even try to get the datacrons because I was intimidated.

However, some of them are so easy to get that you literally just walk up to them. No jumping, no grouping up, no fancy tricks. Thus even if you do not have the desire to go on an ambitious datacron hunt, do try to get the ones that you can stroll over to or access easily.

10. Change your camera angle.

If you look at videos of SWTOR gameplay you will notice that people play from a variety of angles. Some are close to their characters, some are not. Different fights and area of the game may call for different angles. Play around and figure out what works best for you. Sometimes the right camera angle can help you see something that's making a fight tough and show you how to resolve it.

#rain plays swtor #swtor #new player help

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whats-the-bi-fi-password · 2 years ago

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About me:

All of my homo happenings are here ↓

•I go by Kai

•I use any pronouns but prefer xe/they/it/he (unless “it” is being used in a derogatory way) and iffy with she/her (sometimes I don't mind it but other times I do)

•I'm transmasc (I think. I'm not for certain. All I know is I prefer being perceived as masc) and (possibly) genderqueer and agender/boyflux (I think. Certain about the agender bit but not quite as much with the rest) and bi (possibly sapphillean/gaybian. I'm not entirely sure, I'm still trying to figure it out tbh)-oriented aroace along with cupioromantic and greysexual and queerplatonic

•I'm a Scorpio 🦂

•I'm also in a relationship and not interested in polyamory so please don't send me stuff regarding that

•I don't really have an interest in getting into a relationship (partially because I'm going through a breakup that technically happened a while back but is just now impacting me since we were still friends until pretty recently and they're in a relationship that was poly temporarily until I broke things off because I felt like shit and only recently found out that it was going on about 3 weeks before they asked me if I was okay with it (okay we've reconciled and discussed this; it didn't actually start prior to me giving my okay on it; they just couldn't remember when it was that I said it was fine so they just sat it as the New Year's) and just constantly keep getting reminded of their relationship so that's a whole thing) so I'm not looking for anything except friends. I don't really have any 🕺 so feel free to drop a dm if you wanna be friends (since I'm still a minor as of now I'd prefer to talk with other minors (to about 15-ish) but since I'll be an adult in November up to about 19-ish will also be fine) however I won't always be available to talk due to school, depressive episodes, or just flat out social anxiety that tends to be really bad around new people so if I haven't replied I'm sorry but I promise I will get around to it at some point, probably just not for a while Update lmao: I now have a boyfriend (no it's not my best friend again)

• If I actually have enough confidence to (though I probably never will but who knows), fics and snippets of fics, and whatever poetry (if you can even call it that) will be in purple (if you don't want to see my writings they'll all be under the tag #nyx writes)

•I also tend to rant sometimes on here but if you don't want to see any rants they'll be in green and under #sorry for ranting ✌ (most of them will more than likely be deleted a couple of days after posting unless I forget about them until a later time)

•I might go onto some tangents about whatever book I'm currently reading (I got at least 20 and probably more sitting on my bookshelf and fridge begging to be read) and those will all be under #nyx reads and in blue

•If anyone is interested, I have a pet regression/alterhumanity side-blog: @whats-the-bi-fi-password-petreg :)

•A few of my favorite things are (bolded and italicized are my main interests):

•My Chemical Romance and their solo works

•The Used

•Fall Out Boy

•Mother Mother

•Gorillaz

•Paramore

•Circa Survive (particularly Blue Sky Noise)

•Coheed and Cambria (and as an extension, The Amory Wars however I've only read The Afterman as of now and currently reading Year of the Black Rainbow since I have a pretty short attention span and it can actually take me a while to get around to doing something even if I've been intending to do said thing)

•Good Omens (literally all forms of media. Book, show, audiobook, radio adaption, etc. (I'm not 100% sure if there's more I forgot))

•Our Flag Means Death

•The Sandman (show. I haven't had a chance to read the comics and/or listen to the audiobook yet)

•Doctor Who

•The Sunbearer Trials/Celestial Monsters duoligy

•Cemetery Boys

•Stardew Valley (literal hours in one sitting playing that game 💀)

•Heartstopper

•The Owl House

•Gravity Falls

•The Hobbit/Lord of the Rings

•Greek Mythology

•Gray Foxes

•Dobermans

•Rottweilers

•The Magnus Archives

DNI If:

You are a transphobe, homophobe, against nonbinary gays and/or lesbians, against folks that use contradicting labels (ex: bi lesbians, lesboys, gaybians, etc.), terf, racist, pedo, ableist, or anything else along those lines that I can't think of

You're an nsfw blog - I am literally in a relationship and am not looking for polyamory in the slightest shape or form

You want to get into politics (I don't do politics, couldn't care less about them, and don't want to hear about them if I don't have to)

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jenstar1992-2 · 4 years ago

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Heaven

Pairing: Echo X Reader

Warnings: Some language, insinuations of sexual activities (I don’t know if that’s the right wording necessarily, but there it is), mentions of nightmares, loss, and grieving.

Word Count: 3,836

A/N: So, I'm not sure what all devices in the Star Wars universe are called, and in order to not sound completely inept, I decided to just describe the devices' functions instead of naming them and seeing as I've never come across some of these types of devices in Star Wars, I figured this was the best way to go. I hope that makes sense. Also, I have added a lyric video below for reference. I was initially going to just link an already existing lyric video for the song, but then I just decided to make one instead, using some visuals that better fit the content. Which then meant I had to create a Youtube channel just to upload the thing and link it here, because it wouldn’t let me upload directly from my laptop. 🤷🏼‍♀️ So that's there if anyone wants it, and I now have a Youtube channel for my longer edits.

It was one of those nice, quiet evenings, the kind you didn't get very often ever since you started working with The Bad Batch. They weren't necessarily the rowdiest bunch of clones you'd met, but they did seem to always find a way to interrupt you and your boyfriend's alone time.

It seemed like every time you and Echo found a quiet moment where it was just the two of you, one, if not the whole lot, of them would come barging in out of nowhere, needing something or another. Although, you were pretty sure Wrecker just did it because he thought it was funny to annoy you, and knowing that fact only annoyed you more, but you'd let it slide, always reassuring yourself that there would be a next time, one that wouldn't be intruded upon. It seemed that tonight was one of those times, seeing as the four commandos were off gathering supplies at the nearby village of the planet you were temporarily taking residence on, and you were planning on making the most of it while you could.

It didn't take you long to locate your boyfriend, despite your first impressions the Havoc Marauder was not that big of a craft, so there were only so many places he could be. You found him in the communal sleeping quarters, sitting on the bunk you two shared, datapad in hand reading something or another, as usual. You had been given your own bunk, but after your first week with the group, you realized that you preferred to just sleep together. You both had a little trouble sleeping and found that sleeping in one another's embrace seemed to keep the nightmares at bay and gave you both a much more restful sleep.

You walked over and sat beside him, sliding your arms around his middle and holding him as you rested your head on his shoulder. He chuckled and wrapped the nearest arm around you, keeping you close as he continued to read.

You smiled and let out a contented sigh. Moments like this were rare alright, which is what made you appreciate them more when they did occur. It was just nice to be able to have a sweet moment with your love without a joke being made, or the always popular, "Get a room" comment.

"Would love to", you'd say, "Only problem is, it just so happens to be everyone's room."

"Damn, doesn't that bite the big one", would come Crosshair's snide remark, as he shook his head, mocking you like the snarky ass he was.

It was a good thing that deep down you really did like these guys, or you would've kicked some asses long ago.

You reveled in this quiet moment for a while longer before peeking at the datapad in his hand and asking, "So, what are you reading this time, anything interesting, or just more boring rule books?"

He laughed and shook his head. "You know, I don't just read reg manuals", he responded, turning his head to give you a smirk.

You shrugged. "I know, but you definitely read them a lot more than anyone else I know. I'm not even sure if some of the boys have ever read them actually."

He laughed again and you smiled at the sound. "Well, I'd like to think I've been branching out more lately with my literary escapades. I'm at least trying to be more fun, wouldn't want your book worm of a boyfriend boring you to death", he said, leaning into you with a light shove before straightening up again.

You chuckled and held him a bit tighter. "Yeah, you're a book worm alright, but you’re my book worm, and you’re not boring love, far from it", you said as you pulled your head from his shoulder to meet his gaze.

His eyes softened as he looked into yours, silently thanking you for the praise. He leaned his face to yours and kissed you lovingly, and with so much softness it almost hurt when he pulled away.

You just gazed into each other's eyes for a minute before you remembered why you'd come to find him in the first place.

You unwrapped your arms from around him. "Speaking of trying to be more fun, I have something fun we could do", you said with a bright smile.

He eyed you curiously. "Oh yeah, what did you have in mind?"

You rose from the bunk to stand in front of him, grabbing the datapad from his flesh hand and tossing it on the pillow beside him, taking the now empty hand and his cybernetic one in yours and pulling him to his feet.

"You are going to indulge your girlfriend, who's been waiting all day for this mind you, with a dance", you replied, smile still taking over your features.

He cocked an eyebrow, as if your response surprised him. "Huh, definitely not what I thought you were going to say", he said.

"And what did you think I was going to say", you asked with a smirk as you went to your original bunk above your shared one and pulled out a small electronic device, typing away on it, searching for something.

"Well, I, um... I thought, uh...", Echo stammered, as he rubbed the back of his neck, still searching for the right words. He cleared his throat before saying, "Uh, nothing, nothing, so a dance, huh?"

You shook your head and chuckled at his nervous behavior, you knew exactly what he thought you'd meant, but you weren't going to embarrass him any further.

"Yes, a dance", you replied, finding the audio file you'd been searching for and pulling it up. You then connected the device to the small amplifying device on the table across the room.

"That sounds nice cyare, but I don't know how to dance", he confessed shyly.

You smiled and looked to him. "Then I'll teach you", you told him, pressing on the file to play it and setting the device back on the bed.

As the soft music filled the room, you walked to your now flustered looking boyfriend, taking him by the hand and then slowly guiding him to take your hips. He didn't hesitate to do so, and as he rested his hands on you, and you placed yours around his neck, a light blush rose on his cheeks. He always got like this when you two did anything even remotely intimate. It baffled you that after this long of being together, and after doing much more than this, that he'd be this worked up over, what you saw as, a simple act. But maybe it wasn't so simple to him, maybe the years of touch deprivation had him craving it more than you realized, and add the emotion behind the action, the love you felt transferring between the two of you in something as small as a glance, and you could understand his reaction. This realization had you thanking whatever powers at be for bringing you two together, allowing you to be that person for him, because it was truly a gift, one you wouldn't take for granted.

You began to slowly sway your body from side to side, coaxing him to follow your movements. As you both found the right pace and swayed in time to the song's slow rhythm, you listened to the words being sung and let your mind wander, the words bringing memories to the surface of your consciousness.

Oh, thinkin' about our younger years,

There was only you and me,

We were young and wild and free.

You remembered when you'd first met Echo, back when he was a new addition to the 501st. A young trooper, who's dream was to one day receive ARC statues. You had become fast friends, and after only a few months it was clear that your friendship had grown into something more. It was obvious you two had feelings for each other, the only people who were blind to this were you and Echo. A problem that was soon remedied by his brother, Fives, who had all but forced Echo to admit how he felt to you, which he did, albeit, with quite a bit of struggle on his part, the poor guy could barely get his words out. Luckily, you had caught on to what he was trying to say, and took pity on him, deciding to take this opportunity to tell him that you felt the same.

You still remember the look of surprise on his face at your confession, he hadn't believed it at first, but when you plucked up the courage to grab him by the chest plate and pull him into a tender kiss, he knew you weren't lying, and this had his heart soaring.

Now nothing can take you away from me.

We've been down that road before,

But that's over now.

You keep me comin' back for more.

After the battle to defend Kamino, Echo had finally gotten what he'd been working so hard to achieve, he had been promoted to ARC Trooper, and you couldn't have been happier for him. You remember him coming into your station of the hangar to tell you the good news.

You'd been working on fixing up some loose wiring on a transport ship when you were suddenly lifted from the ground and the world spun around you. After a moment of disorientation, you found your bearings and stared up at the culprit, only to find your boyfriend beaming down at you.

"Woah, where's the fire", you asked in jest.

"No fire, just have some good news", he responded, still smiling wide.

"Oh, ok then, spill."

"We did it", he said simply.

"Umm, ok, who did what exactly", you asked, furrowing your brows in confusion.

"Fives and I, we're being made ARC Troopers", he said, his chest puffing out a bit with pride.

"What, that's great", you practically shouted, and pulled him into a tight embrace. "I knew you could do it; you've worked so hard, you deserve this. I'm so happy for you, you're finally getting your dream."

He squeezed you tighter. "Thank you, and thank you for always believing in me, even when I didn't", he said quietly.

You pulled back to look at him before speaking. "I'll always believe in you Echo. Always and forever."

That was your thing, the mantra of your relationship, if you will, "I'll love you always and forever". This was because you both believed it to be true. Neither one of you could see yourselves falling for anyone else or loving another the way you did each other.

“Always and forever cyare”, he said, smiling softly at you, “And now I can focus on my other dream.”

You gave him confused look. “Other dream, what’s your other dream”, you asked.

His smile grew as he leaned in to speak low in your ear. “You”, he said, making your stomach do a somersault.

You knew it would be difficult, but you two wanted to plan a future together, and spend whatever time you had left together making a family and living a quiet, happy life. Once this miserable war was over, that's exactly what you were going to do.

Unfortunately, things don't always work out the way we want them to, and your dreams of a peaceful life with your beloved were shattered when the day came that the 501st returned from their mission on Lola Sayu, minus an ARC Trooper.

Oh, once in your life you'll find someone,

Who will turn your world around,

Pick you up when you're feelin' down.

Now nothing can change what you mean to me.

There's a lot that I could say,

But just hold me now.

Fives had been the one to give you the dreadful news and had stayed to help you through the initial shock and pain of it all. He had been ready for the inevitable tears he knew would come and did they ever. You couldn't remember a time before that, where you had cried with as much vigor or to the extent that you had, when shedding tears for your lost love.

I've been waiting for so long,

For somethin' to arrive,

For love to come along.

Time seemed to pass by agonizingly slow, as you tried to regain some semblance of normalcy in your life. Having both lost the person you held dear, you and Fives had found a new understanding for one another, and subsequently formed a close bond. He was the friend you desperately needed, just as you were for him. So, when you eventually lost him as well, you were beside yourself with grief.

Instead of wallowing in your sorrow, like you wanted to, you decided to throw yourself into your work, trying desperately to keep yourself busy, so as to not give yourself time to think of what you had lost. This worked most of the time, but there were always those times when something would remind you of them, a laugh that was just too close to the one you remembered, or a smile from a kind trooper that hit too close to home. Then there were those nights where you would wake from a nightmare and reach out beside you for a comforting hand, only to find empty space, those times were the hardest. It took everything you had inside you to just keep on going, because you knew that they wouldn't have wanted you to give up, so you carried on, even when it hurt.

Now our dreams are comin' true,

Through the good times and the bad,

I'll be standin' there by you.

It had been a year since the mission on Lola Sayu, a year of you trying to get on with your life, and forget the past, because remembering only caused you more pain. But life has a funny, if not sadistic, way of turning on its head and changing your course when you least expect it, because soon after that year mark, you received the news you never thought you'd get.

"He's alive", Rex said, eyes boring into yours, trying to get you to believe what he was telling you, but you weren't about to give in that easily.

"What you're saying is impossible, both you and Fives told me you saw him die at the citadel, and now you're telling me he miraculously survived. I'm not buying it, and I don't appreciate you trying to get my hopes up, just so they can be ripped back down once you're proven wrong", you said, with more venom in your voice than you had intended.

"I know I'm right on this one, (Y/N). I heard him, it was Echo's voice on that transmission, I'm sure of it", he reiterated, desperate for you to listen, or to at least consider it to be true.

"I'm sorry Rex, but I just can't believe what you're saying. I can't take another blow, I just can't, because if I do, I fear I won't make it out the other side this time" you said as tears began to fill your eyes.

Rex placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. "I understand, but I promise you, I'm telling the truth, Echo is alive, and I'm going to bring him home, I'm going to bring him back to you", he said, with so much conviction that you almost believed him, almost.

"Don't make promises you can't keep", you told him despondently.

He looked you in the eye, a determined expression on his face. "I intend to keep this one", he said, and he did.

No more than two days later, the team sent on the rescue mission to Skako Minor returned, with Echo.

You couldn't believe your eyes when Rex took you to see him in the med bay. He was different, that was for sure, but he was still Echo, he was still the man you loved, and you were just glad he was home.

And Baby you're all that I want,

When you're lying here in my arms,

I'm finding it hard to believe,

We're in heaven.

During his first mission, after being back, he had proven to still be the loyal soldier he had always been and had unofficially been dubbed the "Hero of Anaxes" for his brave actions.

After this mission he had also been extended the invitation to join The Bad Batch by their sergeant, which he wanted to accept, but not if it meant leaving you behind. So, Echo convinced the commandos that having a mechanic around wouldn't be such a bad idea, and they agreed.

That's how you ended up here, the mechanic onboard the Havoc Marauder, who was currently being held in the arms of the person she loved most in this galaxy, swaying to the soft music filling the air around them, in total bliss.

Love is all that I need,

And I found it there in your heart.

It isn't too hard to see,

We're in heaven.

Your head had been resting against Echo's chest, as you listened to the steady heartbeat beneath it. You never wanted this moment to end, and by the way he was holding you, without any indication of ever letting go, you were pretty sure he felt the same.

You lifted your head to look up at him, while keeping yourself flush against him, needing the contact to silently remind yourself that he was still here, he was with you. Something you still had a hard time believing from time to time, but it was real, he was here, and you were never letting go.

It had been some time since Anaxes, not a tremendous amount, but enough time where you could see a noticeable change in your boyfriend's appearance. He had filled out more and looked a lot less gaunt than he had initially upon his return. His color had improved as well, not fully, but with enough time, you were sure, he'd regain his copper glow. His hair was the other noticeable change, it had started to grow out again, and while it hadn't gotten to the length it was, there was enough where you could easily run your fingers through it, as you often did, absentmindedly.

This thought caused your hand to move of its own accord and slot itself amongst the short curls adorning his head. He gave a contented sigh as you started mindlessly running your fingers over his scalp, scratching lightly, and he leaned into your touch as his eyes closed, this always relaxed him.

After a moment, he opened his eyes to look at you, a soft smile taking shape over his features, before lowering his head to rest it against yours, both of you shutting your eyes to revel in the moment.

We're in heaven.

The music faded and soon the room fell silent. You both ceased your swaying but continued to stay in the embrace.

After what felt like an eternity, but had only been a few seconds, you broke the silence and said, "I love you Echo."

He smiled and replied, "I love you (Y/N). Always and forever."

You gave a smile of your own, the words bringing you back to those early days of your relationship, when anything was possible, and your future was bright. It could be that way again, now that you were together again, nothing was impossible.

"Always and forever", you echoed back.

With that, he closed the small gap between you and brought you into a passionate kiss.

Everything that had gone unspoken was expressed in this kiss; all the love and adoration that had built between you two over the years, all the pain that you both endured during your separation, all the missed time, and the promise that you would never be parted again, and that you would continue to strive for the future you two had planned so long ago. You were happier than you'd ever been and nothing could ruin this moment.

Suddenly, as if the universe itself wanted to prove you wrong, the door slid open and in walked all four commandos, with Wrecker in the lead.

"See, I told ya we'd find them doin' some sappy stuff", Wrecker said in his booming voice, effectively breaking your quiet moment, and your kiss, which in turn, pissed you off.

You both gave an annoyed sigh before turning to face the men. You crossed your arms over your chest and gave your best scowl in their direction, which only caused Wrecker to laugh. He'd so be getting an ass kicking later.

"Let's just be glad we didn't walk in on something... more intimate", Crosshair said, eyeing the both of you while giving a sly grin.

You let out an annoyed huff. "Yeah, you wish", you retorted, which only earned you a chuckle from the sniper. Okay, add another one to the "people who need an ass kicking" list. "I think you're both just jealous", you said, trying to make it sound snarky.

"Of this guy", Wrecker asked as he walked over, clapping his hand down on Echo's shoulder. "Damn straight, I mean, he’s got a bombshell for a girlfriend, how could we not be, he's one lucky bastard", he said, although you couldn't quite tell if he was being sarcastic or not. Either way it ticked you off, but before you could throw the punch you had geared up for, Echo pulled you to him, holding you securely against him and effectively blocking your way to the giant commando.

"Easy cyare, no need for bloodshed, and besides, he has a point", he said, leaning in and lowering his voice, "I am a very lucky man."

You shook your head at him but couldn't help the grin that formed at his words.

"Okay, that's enough boys, let's give the happy couple some privacy shall we. Besides, Wrecker, it's your turn to make dinner", Hunter interrupted, giving his brother a stern look.

"Oh man, again, I thought I just did that", Wrecker grumbled.

"You did, when it was your turn last week", Tech told him matter-of-factly.

Wrecker made a noise of aggravation before leaving the room, mumbling incoherently in displeasure. The other two followed him out, as you gave Hunter a thankful smile before he nodded and made his exit, letting the door slide shut behind him.

You turned back to Echo, who still had you in his embrace.

"So, where were we", you inquired, a soft smile back on your face.

He feigned ponderment. "Hmm, I believe we were right about...", he began, and suddenly pulled you close enough that your noses were touching, "Here", he finished, his smile widening before bringing you in for another heated kiss. You melted into it and fell into another state of bliss.

You stayed like that for another long moment, as the world faded around you. Wrapped in a loving embrace, engaged in an impassioned kiss, and lost in your own personal heaven.

youtube

#echo x reader #echo x fem reader #echo x y/n #song fic #arc trooper echo #corporal echo #heaven #dj sammy #clone troopers #star wars x reader #clone wars x reader #star wars #star wars the clone wars #fanfiction #fluff

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staerplatinum · 3 years ago

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so about ralsei.....

read under the cut because i'm not sure how long this will be

since ch 2 was released (but i noticed these theories were also made before ch 2 had been released, it's just i'm not too much in the fandom to exactly know what people think about it) i've seen a lot of "ralsei is sus", "ralsei is the bad guy" theories?? like i've never seen so many theories about one character in a row, but i'm not against it!

while i don't agree the fact ralsei might be the final boss, or the big bad, i do believe he's sus. like a lot, i can see he is actually hiding something from us (not only us as players but also counting kris and susie since they only recently knew about the roaring and ralsei is explaining things reeeeally slowly) but i don't think he's bad. my main thoughts about him are that he can feel/sense kris's soul (so, us as the players), he probably knows how kris feels about this and being controlled (the reassuring hug made me tear up a little), and i think he's the horned headband kris wore as a kid, otherwise he wouldn't know noelle or berdly's names without even introducing to them properly, and he might be the potrayal of kris's loneliness (his name being an anagram of asriel could be connected to the fact kris misses their brother a lot?).

returning on "ralsei is sus", yes i can see he's hiding something from us, but i don't think he's bad. i have two thoughts about his secrecy: one, that is the most basic, could be because we have to go ahead in the game to actually get more explanations from him (we're still at the beginning, after all); two, he wants kris and susie to be safe until the end, so prefers not to tell them too many details otherwise susie would try to act impulsively (and possibly involve kris, and for an extent, us, to what she wants to do) and risk a lot.

as we see him act in the gameplay, ralsei is kind of a black mage (at least, in my opinion, because he mostly casts spells, both healing and offensive), we know what often happens to black mages in games... right? maybe it's more like an unconditional fear than a theory (or both?) but i think, at some point in the game (maybe near the end?) we will actually see a calamity happen and ralsei will have to resolve it by sacrificing himself to save kris and susie (and other teammates as well if we'll have them). i already exposed this one theory on my own au, but it only happens temporarily and in the cyber world, but i thought of all the possibilities?? and... just. what if he really dies for kris and susie to live and continue saving the world, because they're the only ones who can do something. this post turned out longer than i was expecting but!! you can tell me your thoughts if you'd wish, i'd like to read them

#deltarune #ralsei #kris dreemurr #susie #deltarune theory #deltarune spoilers #long post

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saeran-imagines · 4 years ago

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Did you see the birthday chats from 2019? Specifically the one where Saeran (as "Unknown") invites you to come eat ice cream and watch Netflix with him? Since Saeran's birthday is coming up again, could you write what if MC had taken him up on his offer and gone to meet him? (Jindere has a video of the chats on youtube if you haven't seen it/want a refresher!) I'm obsessed with the idea of this happening and I love your writing so I'd love to read this from you 🥰

Heya! I remember those birthday chats omg, I just had to buy the picture that went along with them when it became available! That and the 707 version are just so pretty, I had them as my desktop background for a good while 🥰

I made this longer than I meant omg! I wanted to get it done in time for his birthday, which, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAERAN !! (and seven too but this blog ain’t about you ❤) I have a bias for the soft Saerans so I didn’t think I’d like writing for Unknown as much as I did, but I had a lot of fun with this 😊 I hope you all like it!

You fiddle with your phone, the broken looking chat room open to “Unknown’s” messages. That hacker… what kind of person is he? There’s no doubt he’s up to no good, but he’s never done anything that would put you in danger. Quite the opposite, actually. You have a feeling he’d rush to your rescue if you found yourself in a bad situation. “It’s my birthday today. Meet me outside the building at 8 and I’ll show you a great time.” Coming from anyone else it’d sound creepy as hell, it should sound creepy as hell, he’s a complete stranger who hacked your phone, but… the feeling of dread you imagine would come before getting axe murdered just isn’t there. And more than that, there’s something in the way he typed, in the long pauses between messages that seemed… lonely. You look at the clock- 7:50. Taking a deep breath, you force yourself up, pull on a coat, and take the elevator down to the first floor. You wouldn’t be able to stand not knowing what might have happened if you didn’t go meet this mystery person. And hey, it could very well be a great time.

You take up a position right outside the building and look around- nobody seems to be here yet. The sun has started its trek downwards, the shadow on the building long enough to reach the other side of the road. It’s a little late to be out. What does he have planned? You take another deep breath and try to relax, worrying won’t do you any good. You check your phone- 7:53. Has it really only been 3 minutes? It feels like you’ve been waiting here for hours. Footsteps followed by a figure rounding the corner next to you cause you to perk up, but another person follows shortly after and you quickly look back down again, dejected. The couple shoots you a suspicious glance, keeping enough distance from you that they end up walking on the road as they pass you on the sidewalk. You must look strange, you realize, fiddling with your thumbs and glancing back and forth in the dark shadow of a building. You sigh, this is a little ridiculous. Just as you’re considering going back inside and forgetting about this whole evening, you feel a tap on your shoulder.

“Hey, doll,” a smooth low voice sounds from where your shoulder was tapped, and you whip around to see the source. “You actually came.” You notice his eyes first, a striking minty blue that almost glows in the dim light. Then you notice his white suit that matches perfectly with his hair, pink accents and all. Aren’t hackers supposed to be subtle? The only things about him that match your mental stereotype are the dark circles under his eyes and the mask covering the lower half of his face. Neither detract from his allure, though. He looks like you could find him on the cover of a fashion magazine. He chuckles at your stunned silence. “What, liking what you see?”

“Ah! Uh-” you stutter out. “You just… weren’t what I was expecting.” You can’t see his mouth under the mask, but you know he’s smirking anyways.

“Oh?” he teases. “And what did you expect?” You try your best to regain your composure. This isn’t the time to be making googly eyes at strangers. God, it’s been way too long since you’ve interacted with someone. You haven’t had the chance to after temporarily moving into that apartment.

“I don’t know, some weirdo in a ski mask?” you joke, making him chuckle again. You feel yourself starting to relax. He seems like a kind enough person, despite the teasing, and talking to him is comfortable. This night might turn out better than you expected. “So, what are we doing tonight?”

“Well, I hope you like ice cream. My favorite parlor stays open late, I figured I deserve a birthday treat. You know, since I’ve been such a good boy recently,” he laughs. It’s a giddier laugh than you expected from him, he must have been looking forward to this for a while. He holds out his hand for you to take. “Shall we?” You pause, looking down at his gloved hand. You can feel that this is the last chance you have to change your mind, to take the elevator back up to the apartment and forget about this interaction. Taking hold of his hand would form a contract that binds you to his side for the rest of the night. After a moment of deliberating you grasp his hand, perhaps a bit too tight. You’ve already gotten this far, your curiosity won’t let the night end until you learn more about this strange man. You flash him the most convincing smile you can muster.

“Let’s go.” He weaves you through the city, taking more than a few sketchy shortcuts through alleyways and unexpected detours. He must have to be careful to avoid detection in his line of work, he’s walking as if he’s trying to confuse anyone who might be tracking him. He makes some small talk along the way, prying you for your thoughts about various RFA members and asking you about your life outside the messenger. You learn that he has a bit of a soft spot for Jumin, seeming to appreciate his cold honesty and business oriented mindset. From the short walk you’ve had with this stranger he seems to be the type to prefer fun over work, but you suppose you’ve only seen one side of him. So far, that is.

You arrive at your destination after around 20 minutes of walking. It’s a small sweets shop painted white and baby blue. A chalkboard sign shows the flavors of the day through the window, around half crossed out due to the business day nearing its end. You feel a light squeeze around the hand that you nearly forgot was being held by the hacker. When you look up at him you can see sparkles in his eyes. When he notices your stare he looks away, is he embarrassed? “Sorry if I startled you, darling.” He apologizes for his sudden excitement, letting go of your hand “My flavor is still in stock,” he says with a smile. “Shall we go inside?” He holds the door open for you and you thank him, walking inside and losing yourself in the sweet scent.

“Welcome!” the chipper cashier calls out. “Do you two know what you’d like?” Your partner wastes no time in calling out a practiced order, something with mint and a waffle cone that you don’t quite catch as you scan the overwhelming array of colors and flavors. Not wanting to spend too much time gawking, you throw out a fast ‘I’ll have what he’s having’ and make your way towards the counter.

“Good choice,” your partner of the evening says with a grin. You stop him as he starts reaching towards his pocket. He tilts his head at you with a questioning stare.

“It’s your birthday, right?” you state more than ask. “My treat.” You pull out and swipe your card before he has a chance to protest. He doesn’t speak for a few seconds, not expecting this act of kindness, but he quickly recovers with a laugh and a thank you as he takes his cone. “Where to?” you ask once you both successfully make it out of the shop with delicious looking chocolate dipped mint chocolate chip ice cream cones. You want to see how it tastes, but a deep rooted birthday etiquette that lives inside of you forbids you from taking the first bite. That’s reserved for the birthday boy, after all!

“Just up there,” he points to a nearby hill. “You can see the stars really well.” You smile and nod before starting the trek. It’s a cool evening, luckily, so your ice cream only barely starts to drip on the way up. Talking to the mysterious hacker seems to get easier as time goes on. Any leftover anxiety you had fades as you make light conversation and tease each other. It feels like you’ve known him for years. You attribute at least some of it to the ice cream, his speech has become a lot more bubbly and a lot less guarded after he got his hands on his cone. You never thought you’d call the person who broke into your phone cute, but you can’t help but smile at how happy he seems.

You reach the top of the hill before you know it. A blanket is already laid out at the very top, and he guides you to sit beside him on it. It’s not a huge blanket, your shoulders are nearly touching. Which is NOT something to blush about, you tell yourself. He pulls his mask down for the first time tonight, leaving you to stare at him for a bit longer than you would have liked to. He was definitely handsome, but there’s a layer of familiarity that you can’t quite put your finger on. His pretty lips turn up in a smirk.

“What are you staring at?” You almost miss it, but his hands fidget slightly as he asks the question. Maybe he’s a bit more insecure than he lets on? You try to get past some of your shyness for his sake, if he’s worried about his looks you’d like to reassure him.

“Nothing much, I just think you look nice,” you smile, feeling just a bit of heat creep to your face. “Now-” you quickly change the subject. “You have to take the first bite of your ice cream so I can have mine. Birthday rules, and all.”

“Okay, okay, whatever you say, doll,” he chuckles. He takes a bite, trying to catch all the ice cream that threatens to drip off. “There.” You grin and have a taste, too. There’s something about small shops that make everything taste a thousand times better. It’s the sweetest, creamiest ice cream you’ve ever had.

“Good, right?” he asks, already knowing your answer from the big smile on your face.

“Yup!” you exclaim. You finish your treats in a comfortable silence. The stars really are beautiful from the top of this hill, they appear so much bigger and brighter without the light pollution from the city. You glance to your side to see him looking back at you.

“Enjoying yourself?” he asks. He’s closer than you remember.

“Yeah,” you breathe. “The stars are beautiful.” His eyes are shining like stars, too. The darkness has made their unnatural color stand out even more, it would be so easy to get lost looking into them. You force your gaze back to the sky, trying to ignore how fast your heart is beating. “Are you? Enjoying yourself, I mean? It’s your birthday, after all.”

“Yeah, I am,” he says without missing a beat. “It’s not often that I get to go out like this.”

“Because of your hacking job?” you ask.

“Yeah, something like that.” He sighs and leans back, looking up at the stars once again. What kind of life does he have? It’s hard to get a read on him. You can talk to him like an old friend but you don’t even know his name. You get the feeling he wouldn’t tell you even if you asked. Better not to, then. You’re satisfied with the little snippets of him that you’ve gotten today, and if he wants to reveal more you’ll let him do that at his own pace.

“Well, I’m glad I came out to meet you then.” He looks over at you again, studying your face. Almost like he’s waiting for you to take it back, or turn it into a joke. You don’t.

“Yeah, me too.”

#saeran #saeran choi #saeran x reader #mystic messenger #mystic messenger imagines #mystic messenger x reader #mysme #unknown #saeran birthday #awawa writing this made me like unknown more #aaHhhhHH I'd ramble in the tags like I usually do but I gotta rush to get ready for something eheheh #I was gonna edit this last night but I was so tired AAAA #so I'm rushing this morning for his birthday I HOPE YOU ALL LIKE IT #andddDDd if you read this far #have a great day :>

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anthonyreadsthecards · 2 years ago

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Well lovely friend it is review time but before I go into it I want to say that should you ever want that reading, feel free to come my way and I'd be happy to do it for you. After all, you have helped me a LOT over this at least year since I got to be graced with your account. That may sound dramatic but it means a lot to get insight on a situation from someone just neutral and looking from the outside within.

Tw: mentions of abuse, family issues, gaslighting, manipulation, deadnaming, misgendering, there just is a lot tbh.

As for the review though: Once again you knocked it out of the park. It seems since he and I even first met (we had a VERY rocky start to our relationship as I only actually met him when I was about 6 1/2 years old), it feels like I was just fighting an uphill battle and losing immensely. To try and do this in a way that won't accidentally throw anyone in a loop via triggers, my dad definitely was a king at finding different ways to abuse me. Verbally, emotionally, mentally, you name it he did it. He was EXTREMELY neglectful to where I know if I was wise and called DCF, he would have definitely gotten in trouble, to the point where I most likely would not have been in his care. Why I never called or told anyone? I felt so afraid he would get mad because of his reputation being ruined.

Truth be told I was in denial for years I had any real "daddy issues" but it definitely is hitting me hard. As all my friends over the years would say, he was the "typical Asian dad (he is Korean; note: not all Asian parents are like this and I know that)" who literally would punish me in cruel and unusual ways or basically "discipline me" to leave it vaguely should I get anything lower than an A. He told me that if I was not trying to be a doctor, lawyer, or anything that made money, I'd forever be picking up garbage off the side of the road and I'd be in and out of jail like my mother, brother, and sister (my brother and sister are my half siblings, I was his only child). This has been about 20 years almost of him just using me, abusing my kindness and the issues between hin and I run deep and his side of the family essentially just blames his cerebral palsy for his lack of empathy and care while I grew up and literal neglect. Like, I'm sorry but who fights with a kid over lunch money or having more than Dustin's (a BBQ place) leftovers in the house to eat? Or to fight with them over things like school supplies and clothes because kids grow???

Ironic enough? I got SUPER lucky that I had some very kind friends who noticed I was in a VERY bad place mentally and I had actually done it to where I cut that side of the family off temporarily. My mom's side of the family despite not being that much better were kind enough to protect my location and would not let them near me, but they called my work constantly where one of the friends and I worked as my dad is one of the supervisors of the entire place and so kuch so that he almost got my friend fired and my boss even was about ready to call the cops.

So I caved. I felt guilty because at the time our relationship was decent enough and really it was my aunt I got very concerned over about other frightening stuff. So I finally talked to them all again and guess what? Nothing changed. I had a literal mental breakdown and they basically accepted the answer but still said it was not a good reason. To them? Literal depression that just keeps getting worse because of what my dad and his family does does not matterbeven if they say it does. Even when I have many times told them the things they say and do hurt me, they claim they are not at fault.

Now here we are again. This past year, nothing has changed and it is just slowly getting worse again. My dad scrutinizes every little thing I do. He deadnames me, misgenders me, and so much more despite him supposedly accepting that I am genderfluid and am not comfortable with my deadname and so forth. The only person who did actually care was my halmeoni (my grandmother aka his mom). I even expressed that I didn't get time with her like my cousins did and feel like the only way I can really keep myself connected with her was to learn Korean culture and the language because otherwise I did not feel Korean enough. He flat out told me if I wanted to be Korean so bad I could go to South Korea but she chose to come to America so I should be happy.

Especially as of late, my depression once again has gotten worse. It's so much so that I cannot recall a time I was actually free from it and of course, signs around me begin just popping up around me about how I just need to leave it all behind. Music for me is a big one, but I have seen it in films, media I consume and more. Literally just went to a concert for Aurelio Voltaire and I had been a fan of his for almost 15 years and he told us all his story about how heeft a toxic environment because he literally was going to if you will- commit unalive until he met some very helpful people and left. I NEVER heard that story of his but it hit me hard that night and now his song Raised by Bats is something I take solace in. I already wanted to move, but this gave me more reason at the time to do so. Shoot, I am even sure Odin whom I had not entirely had contact with lately due to me trying to get my medical issues sorted even slapped some hints right at my face too. This right here? This reading just is the final straw on the camel's back. For years I was the friend who would help others leave toxic families and relationships of any kind and give them a shoulder to cry on. Me? It is hard for me to do it myself. I always felt crazy whether I just was over exaggerating or not on his twists from what seems like a supportive father to a monster. Even friends who once respected him now tell me to leave. So thank you for this. This really helps put the nail in the coffin on what kind of game plan I need to make and I truly feel like me meeting Voltaire and seeing this after is definitely some divine knock on the door. I got to talk to Voltaire after the show too and he told me the story of a character in his book he was making, there was a character in his book with my name (just one letter differently but his name is Artorius not Artorias) who originally worked with the villains and he was the first to see that everything went too far. That enough was enough.

So to anyone else that is in my shoes and can try to leave such things? I'll give you the same words Voltaire gave me in hopes it helps:

"Enough it Enough. It's time to leave now."

Ok first things first you get a hug because...just damn my guy that breaks my heart that you had to go through that. Thank you for sharing your story with me and with whomever else reads this post. I understand wanting to hold out but you said it yourself a parent wouldn't act this way to their kid. I wish you all the best and I hope that you can find a place where you can be away from him and flourish with the people who truly do love you. Thank you, for all of this, and have a wonderful rest of your week.

#anthony replies #mirroredpaladin #feedback #deck of many destinies #long post

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snarkythewoecrow · 4 years ago

Note

Prompt time! I know you've taken prompts for more serious subjects and mental health related stuff and I've absolutely loved them. If you are comfortable to write it and it won't be triggering, would you write like a sequel to your rubber band/coping mechanism fic where Peter goes to Tony when he has an urge to hurt himself or afterwards for helping cleaning up? Either that or a fic unrelated to that one where Tony sees Peter's old self harm scars or finds out that Peter still does sh? Just something irondad that's related to that subject but only if you are okay with writing it! I completely understand if it's something you don't wanna write more off, I just thought I'd ask anyway if that's okay

Sorry it took me so long to write, but here it is!

Read on AO3

*Trigger Warning for Self-harm and Blood*

In the kitchen at the lake house, Peter sat at the center island, watching Tony thread macaroni onto yarn as Morgan painted the necklace she’d already made. Noodles were scattered everywhere, and when you walked, there was a good chance you’d hear pasta crunching underfoot.

Morgan had paint from her hands to her hair, and Tony wasn’t fairing much better. Morgan had already made them all necklaces and was working on her fifth. The one she’d made Peter was draped around his neck. She'd said the one she made him was extra special because it had wagon wheels laced between the macaroni.

Peter was on the end of the island on a stool, his textbook carefully placed to avoid the smears of paint and glue. Thankfully, after the glitter balloon incident, Pepper banned glitter from the house, so Peter didn’t need to worry about that.

All in all, he should have been happy, but he wasn’t, and he wasn’t sure why that was, either.

Things had been better in the months since Tony had found Peter on the back porch that night, since they’d talked about his self-harming, but that didn’t mean that sometimes, for a reason Peter didn’t understand, he still had bad days—like today.

Everyone in his life was healthy and happy, things were going well at school, but he still couldn’t get the itch to cut out of his mind. Some days were definitely worse than others, and he’d been building toward this bad day all week. The rubber band on his wrist was getting plenty of use.

Tony had told him that he could come to him whenever he needed but seeing Tony smiling as he played with Morgan, he knew he couldn’t. He couldn’t bring the mood down. He didn’t want to be the reason the worry lines in Tony’s face deepened.

It was already hard enough to use the rubber band with Tony nearby. He always got this look—somewhere between sadness and concern. Peter hated causing that look, so he’d done the only thing he could to avoid it. He stopped snapping the band when he was with Tony.

It was easier this way. What Tony didn’t know, couldn’t hurt him, or at least, that’s what Peter told himself.

The cloud over Peter’s head wasn’t lightening up, and he felt overwhelmed like his lungs were filling with water, and he was going under. He fingered the band on his wrist, wanting to snap it, just to feel something, but then Tony laughed, and Morgan giggled, the box of macaroni spilled, and Peter—Peter just couldn’t do it.

He closed his textbook and excused himself from the table, mumbling that he had a headache and needed to lay down. Before he made it out of the kitchen, Tony called after him, telling him dinner was in a few hours and he’d check on him then.

Peter forced a smile, ducking his head and scurrying up the stairs, leaving the sounds of Morgan’s laughter behind him.

When he got to his room, he shut the door, falling against it, still clutching his textbook. He didn’t have a headache like he’d told Tony, but he didn’t know what else to say at the time, though with the tension in his body, a headache was a real possibility soon.

He kicked off the door and walked over to his bed, pausing by the desk to drop his textbook with a thump. He collapsed on the bed, so his legs were still hanging off the side.

With Tony no longer able to witness it, Peter snapped the band on his wrist, but it brought no relief from the deep need to cut. The feeling was so consuming Peter thought he could taste it. The flavor reminded him of ash. He hated that he felt this way, but he didn’t know how to control it.

Tony had paid for therapy, and May made sure he went, but the coping skills only helped so much.

When it was like this, nothing else seemed like it could scratch the itch—not as well as a knife.

His therapist had suggested holding ice cubes when the urge got bad, but that would mean going to the kitchen, and Tony would notice. He would ask. Then worry lines would etch the man’s face, and Peter would feel even worse because he put them there.

Drawing on his arms was a nearly laughable suggestion. His therapist had suggested a red pen for effect. Peter didn’t have a red pen, and it never worked in the past. The only thing he knew that could make him feel better came with a healthy dose of guilt. He knew hurting himself would temporarily make it all melt away.

But the worst part—the part that made Peter feel like a failure—was he didn’t even know what had triggered it. Everything had been going well. Maybe he really did come back from the snap wrong.

Frustrated, angry, Peter sat up and scrubbed his hands over his face. The urge to just make a little cut or dig his nails just deep enough to break skin was all-consuming. The band on his wrist felt more like a reminder of his failures than a lifeline—a way to pull himself back.

He wanted to scream at the unfairness of it all.

Then it reached a point where it started to hurt in his chest, and he just needed something to focus it all back, to let him breathe, and without conscious thought, he started clawing at his arm. The little stabs of pain felt grounding, but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t the fix he needed.

The crescent-shaped cuts and scratches oozed blood as Peter got up and went looking for a knife, for something to cut with. He’d given his utility knife to Tony, but he thought they both knew that wouldn’t stop him, not when he felt like this.

A small part of him thought he should call out to Tony, but then he remembered how happy they’d looked, and he didn’t want to spoil that. He’d deal with this on his own.

He slipped out of his room, listening to make sure no one was close, then darted to the bathroom. His chances of finding something to cut with seemed higher in a bathroom.

When he got to the bathroom, he started rifling through the cabinet but not finding much. He came across spare toothbrushes and travel-size shampoos and soaps, but nothing sharp. He looked under the sink, knowing there should be a first aid kit, and where there was a first aid kit, there might be scissors.

He found his prize with a shaky sigh. Setting the scissors on the counter, Peter stuffed the kit back under the sink, pocketed the scissors, and headed back to his room.

When he got to the hall, he heard Tony talking, telling Morgan something about a spaghetti monster. It made guilt twist in his gut, settling there and starting to fester.

He ran back to his room as quickly as he dared, then shut his door, locking it for good measure.

The feeling that washed over him as he took the scissors from his pocket was one part relief, one part anticipation, and the rest self-loathing. He knew he wasn’t just letting himself down. He was letting those who cared about him down, too.

That didn’t stop him from sitting in the desk chair, putting the blade to his arm, and cutting, though.

It happened so easily, and when he did it, he put all those bad feelings into it, turning the negative emotions and guilt into something manageable, something he could do something about. Physical pain made sense. It had a cause, a source, a purpose. And the blood that welled up from the cut made sense, too. It all made sense in a way his emotions didn’t, and he needed it.

The one cut wasn’t enough, though. It had been hesitant and not that deep. The bleeding was already stopping.

Peter felt like the world was muted and focused down to the blade and his arm. He pressed the metal harder against his skin and dragged it until he reached the underside of his arm. It bled much more freely, and Peter felt almost high from it.

Wanting to see more, needing the cause and effect of it, he cut again just below the second, pressing even harder. The skin split neatly under the blade.

He was just about to make another when the door handle jiggled, followed by a knock.

“Pete?” Tony’s voice drifted through the door. “Why’s the door locked?”

Peter’s high came crashing down, and reality wasn’t gentle. It hit suddenly how stupid he’d been. It was like realization hit him all at once. One thing had so easily turned into another. And Peter had taken each step without truly acknowledging the direction he was heading. And the place it brought him wasn’t great. He was locked in his room with a bleeding arm, having used Tony’s scissors, and ignored every chance he’d had to reach out for help. Tony had only been a shout away.

His body felt like it had locked up as the emotions swirled within him. He dropped the scissors on the floor, clattering against the wood, and he looked down at his arm, really seeing the damage for the first time outside of the warped lens of need.

It was bad. It was really bad. He might not need stitches, but it would be close, and the blood was everywhere. There were droplets on his jeans and on the floor, rivulets running down his arm.

He didn’t know what to do or what to say. His voice had been stolen by the grief he was feeling. He wasn’t just mourning himself. He was mourning the loss of trust he knew he’d just caused. He wasn’t ready to face the music.

The door handle jiggled again, and there was another round of knocking, even louder. “Peter, open the door.”

His heart kept hitting his ribs so hard he thought it would bruise.

He didn’t want to lie, but he didn’t know how to tell the truth. He hated himself for not just telling Tony how he’d been feeling. With more clarity than before, he realized now that Tony would probably have been proud.

He wouldn’t be proud now.

He would be sad or angry or worse—disappointed.

If Peter were honest, he was pretty disappointed in himself, enough for the both of them, enough for the world. He felt like a failure.

He didn’t want to be a liar, though, but he didn’t know what to do, so he called out to Tony, “Just a minute.”

He grabbed some tissues from his desk and tried to dab some of the blood up, but it just smeared it around, making his arm look like part of a crime scene. He’d really done it this time. Once Tony saw, there would be no going back. He’d see how broken Peter was and not want him anymore. No one wanted to deal with this, no matter how much they said they cared.

Tears started to well in his eyes, frowning so hard his face hurt. He kept a tissue pressed to the deepest cut and stood. He looked to the window, considering escaping the only way he could. He knew it wasn’t an option, though, and would only make things worse.

Accepting his fate, his body and mind feeling weighted, Peter shuffled to the door and unlocked it. He stepped back so it could swing open, closing his eyes and waiting for Tony to realize.

There were footsteps and Tony saying, “You know you’re not supposed to lock the door.”

Then Peter heard it. The air sucking into Tony’s lungs.

Peter’s shoulders fell, and the tears in his eyes broke free, rolling down his cheeks.

“Jesus Christ.” Then a hand grabbed his arm, and Peter opened his eyes, his eyelashes clumped together by tears. The devastation was clear on Tony’s face.

“I’m sorry,” Peter said. The apology wasn’t nearly enough, though. Nothing really would be. There weren’t words for times like these.

Tony’s expression was pinched. He shook his head, letting out a breath, then saying, “I’m not mad.”

And Peter wondered who he was trying to convince.

Peter nodded, his face twisting into some ugly and raw. “I don’t know what happened. I know I shouldn’t have—I didn’t mean it. You gotta believe me.”

Tony’s expression softened, and when he swallowed, it looked painful. “We can talk about it later. Let’s get you cleaned up first.”

Then he was guiding Peter to his bed, sitting him down. He grabbed some extra tissues and pressed them to the wounds.

“Hold those there. Keep pressure. I’ll go get the first aid kit.” Then Tony’s foot hit the scissors, and he looked down, his head shaking a little. He bent down and picked the scissors up. Licking his lips, he said, “Will you be okay for a second?”

Peter wasn’t sure he’d ever be okay again, but he nodded anyway, not trusting his voice.

With a nod, Tony turned and dipped out of the room. Thankfully, or maybe not, he was back before Peter could think too much about what he’d done.

Tony pulled the chair closer and sat, the first aid kit on the desk. He dug out the supplies he needed and lined them up, opening the packets of gauze. Then he lifted Peter’s hand and the tissues from the cuts, assessing the damage. The bleeding had stopped.

No one said anything, and Peter wasn’t sure if that was better or worse.

With methodical movements, Tony cleaned the cuts, and a few times, Peter thought Tony had been close to saying something, but each time, he’d just shaken his head and gone back to tending his wounds.

As Tony taped the gauze in place, he finally asked, “Was there something I could have done? Something I didn’t do? I just—” He cut himself off with a sigh, then straightened. “You know you can come to me, right?”

Peter couldn’t meet Tony’s gaze, so he stared at his shoulder. “You seemed so happy today. I didn’t want to spoil it. You and Morgan—” He shook his head. “I didn’t want to ruin the mood. Sometimes it feels like that’s all I do, you know?”

Tony sighed, scrubbing a hand over his mouth. “I know you think—let’s just say I’d rather you told me than finding you like this. I know I’m not an expert, but I could’ve helped distract you if I’d known. It might not have been easy, but I want the chance to help you—no matter what mood you think you’re ruining.”

Peter nodded, the tears back in his eyes. He felt all-encompassing guilt for what he’d done. “I don’t know what to do—how to fix this.”

“We take it one step at a time. Relapses happen, and when they do happen, it doesn’t make you a failure.” He squeezed Peter’s knee. “Recovery isn’t linear. It might feel like it’s all over, and you can’t fix it, but it’s really just a little bump in the road, a little hitch in the graph. The line is still moving forward and up.”

He wanted to believe Tony, but it was hard. He didn’t feel like he deserved the kind of understanding Tony gave him. He felt sick for what he’d done, and it would be so much easier if Tony were angry. He could deal with that.

His arms wound themselves around his middle without his consent as he tried to hold himself together. The cuts on his arms barely stung any more, which he was thankful for. The pain wasn’t a good feeling now. It didn’t settle him like it had. Instead, it reminded him how badly he’d screwed up.

“Oh, kiddo,” Tony said as he got up and moved to sit beside Peter. Then his arm wrapped around Peter’s shoulders and tugged him closer.

Peter sank into his side, his breath hitching as he fought a sob.

Tony pressed his lips to Peter’s hair, his breath warm against his scalp. “We’re gonna get through this. Just you watch.”

Then Peter broke, and it was an ugly sound. He choked on the sobs as they erupted from him, tears dripping from his chin, snot clogging his nose. His shoulders shook as he fell apart, or maybe not really, as Tony was doing a pretty good job of holding him together.

And wasn’t that the meat of it.

Because Peter realized amidst the tears that no matter what, Tony and the others in his life, they weren’t giving up on him—no matter how badly he screwed things up.

Tony held him until he could breathe again, then he cleaned himself up and changed out of the bloody jeans, and he and Tony went to finish making dinner. Morgan was at the table with Pepper, both wearing macaroni necklaces and big smiles.

If either of them noticed the bandages, they didn’t say a word, and when Tony patted his shoulder and told him to grab a chair, it felt something like forgiveness or understanding.

Things weren’t always great, and the line of the graph might hitch, but Peter could see that it was still moving up, still moving forward, and he thought that just might mean he’d be okay.

#tw: self harm #irondad #peter parker #tony stark #depression #snark writes #LittleMissAgrafina

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nightswithkookmin · 5 years ago

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WHEN JIKOOK ARE SHADING EACHOTHER:2020 Japan Comback Interview Analysis

WARNING: Full on angst ahead.

If you believe Jikook are holding hands chanting Kumbaya all the time while they walk into a purple sunset this is not for you. Jikook is real. At least to me and as a real relationship they have their fair share of ups and downs.

DISCLAIMER: Everything expressed in here is my thoughts, observations and opinion. It is not meant to offend any of the members involved or anyone else.

A Little Background:

Its my and a few other Jikookers observation that Jikook fight. A lot. They separate or breakup from time to time too. You may or may not have caught these moments as they happen but doesn't mean they don't happen all.

For me, 2018 and 2020 have been the pinnacle of such moments. Jikook are having issues- have been having issues. They are still going through a rough patch unfortunately. But not to be alarmed, they are working through it.

Now I can't say with certainty when such said issues began. I can only speculate. I started noticing some sort of tension between them right before their vacation somewhere between March/August 2019 to date.

I'm talking about their Bon Voyage 4 moments, the tattoo girl scandal, Jimins Paris scandal, Jingle, MMA, Jin's Birthday Vlive moments and all those moments that had us raising our brows.

And when I say started noticing I mean from across the various means they've been communicating with us- across their Weverse posts, Twitter, Vlives, interviews etc

I like to look at all these moments combined to see the bigger picture and not just dwell on individual moments as and when they are presented to us because BigHit do not feed us their moments in real time.

I know what you're thinking and no, Jimin flying all over to South Korea to celebrate Jks birthday wasn't him making a grand gesture for the sake of it. It is my opinion that that was just him extending an olive branch to fix things between them because... More on that later.

To understand the shade I'm referring to you'd have to understand why they are shading eachother to begin with:

Jeon Jungkook. To put it simply, Jeon Jungkook hates not being with Jimin 24/7. HE HATES IT. He hates when Jimin is not with him. When Jimin is not around him. When Jimin is with anybody that is not him. Bless him. He has proven this time and time again with all the times he's cheated to be in the same group as Jimin during Runs. His 'Jimin hyung and I will sleep here' his 'thats the friendship' statements he throws at people when Jimin has a moment with any of the members that remotely resembles anything other than friendship, SateliteJeon, and my personal favorite TeleporterJeon etc

Now I suspect this is just due to his personality as an INTP. He has the tendency to latch on to things that feels falimiliar to him and would fall back to it so he feels safe and anchored. He has latched on to Jimin and uses him as his emotional anchor and safe zone and we thank him for that. Thanks to him we've had all those amazing moments as well as the Jeonlous and now TeleporterJeon moments that only proves to us crazy Jikookers that we aren't that crazy and that Jikook is real. Bless him.

Now Jimin is like that too, don't get it twisted. This man is so deep into Jk he won't even hear anything we say. Call him by his JK. Bless him. Jimin is also very possessive of JK if not more possessive. Its just his slytherin ass does a better Job at hiding it.

The problem is, this differences in their personalities may have likely created a lot of tension and problems in their relationship with each other as well as in the relationship they have with their friends and bandmates.

The difference here being while JK latches onto Jimin because he is an introvert and have anxiety issues and isn't exactly the social type; JM is the very opposite of that.

Jimin is a highly extroverted person and loves to maintain other relationships besides his romantic one and there is nothing wrong with that.

See that face on Tae here? Now that's the face of an angry man right there. Tae literally held his breath when JK came to stand next to him because he was afraid JK was gonna ask him to move so he could stand with Jimin instead like he does with the other members like Hobi and Suga most times. To me, this was him feeling like his little bromance moment with his soulmate was being threatened and intruded on.

EXHIBIT A:

Jimin of course noticed what JK was up to. JK was being territorial. Jimin glanced at Tae through the corner of his eyes and moved to stand behind Tae. Later he tried to cheer Tae up by dancing with him.

We've seen moments time and again where JK has moved to physically block Tae from interacting with Jimin on stage and during fansigning events etc and mind you Tae is Jimin's best friend and soulmate.

This face right here! Thanks for attending my Tedtalk. Have a nice day!

Tae said it not me. It seems JK has the tendency to isolate JM and keep Jimin from his friends most times both on and off camera.

In this video, Tae's expression after he said JK was keeping JM from coming to do the live with him said it all.

Why would Jimin do that? Because I believe Tae had complained to him several times how he feels about JK keeping him all to himself and interfering with their moments most times. Frankly, I'd do same if my friends' partners kept interfering with our girls night.

And also because Jimin likes to reassure people of his love and loyalty when they feel their bond with him is being threatened by someone else. We've seen him do this with JK too a couple of times like when JK saw RM wrap his hand around Jimin during that live and he ducked and later did a heart for him. You know which VLive I'm talking about. Moving on.

Do I need to say anything here? Hobi is JMs roommate and even he complained in this VLive how he was missing JM. So the question is, where the bloody hell had JM been?! Why is everyone he is supposed to be close to missing him? His Bestfriend/soulmate and now his roommate? Fo you see the pattern?

This is not much of a stretch if you think about it because Tae has literally said this to Jimin before when he told him on the live he was missing him and JM had to apologize for that.

Truth is, Jeon Jungkook can be a bit of a bully sometimes when it comes to his position next to Jimin. That's his spot and he won't hesitate to claim it no matter who is in the way.

And for JK, we all know he doesn't interact much with the members off camera. Tae has said once that JK ignores him when they aren't filming which is why when JK was given a secret mission to Ignore Tae, Tae didn't even notice.

Now we all know KBS Gayo is Vmin land and so having JK try to stamp his Jikook stamp on it must have been tough for Tae.

RM has also said how JK doesn't even call him and Jin has said JK barely answers his calls and texts. This is not to say JK is a bad person or hates his other bandmates. He loves them all. He is just an introvert.

Now this is getting longer than intended so I'm going to break this post into two parts.

EXHIBIT B:

But to sum up everything I have been saying and to get to the point of this post, JKs possessiveness over JM for sometime has been taking a toll on JM and the group in general as it has been putting a lot of stress on JMs relationship with others.

To the point, some of the members have even been seen to side eye JK sometimes when he comes around JM and some do try to separate them or put JK in his place, acting like they don't approve of their relationship etc.

Now, I won't name names or point out such moments because it can be a bit controversial and I don't want anyone twisting my words around and calling me names. That would hurt my feelings because I love them all and my intentions are not to be malicious in any way. I'm just pointing out an observation and of course I could be wrong about everything.

I don't know for sure, but it's my belief that Jikook have been advised to spend sometime apart because perhaps people had noticed their codependent tendencies have been reaching exponential heights. It could have been their therapist or their friends or loved ones but since March/August 2019 through late 2019 to date is when I noticed they have been trying to spend time apart.

By this I mean, their vacation apart last year, JM staying with Tae for sometime this year, JM visiting his family in Busan this year, spending time with his friends and JK on the other hand taking much time to himself, picking up new hobbies such as reading, posting on Weverse about how he misses JM which I analyzed in my previous post, JM responding with how he was drinking alone watching the rain;

JK not knowing JM had taken up pop dancing, not knowing JM had taken up boxing- PS: Jikook live together, ride together, do everything together, JM calls Jks Mum Mum etc. They are super close and have proven they know every intimate detail about each other like the food they like, the briefs they wear, how long they shower, when they go to bed, what time they wake up, what song they have on their alarm etc. So when suddenly they don't know certain less intimate detail about eachother it is usually a sign that that information/detail came to exist at a time they were separated and weren't filling eachother in on what they've been up to when they are temporarily apart. Like during the recent Jikook Vlive when Jimin was surprised JK had eaten Gimbap. He seemed really shocked by that information and I wonder why. *smirk

TO BE CONTINUED.....

Signed,

GOLDY

#jikook analysis #jikooktheories #jikook #kookmin analysis #kookmintheories #kookmin #jungkook angst #bts angst #vmin #jikook fights #kookmin fights #nightswithkookmin #teatime #bts #bts jungkook #bts jimin #bts fluff

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born-to-lose · 5 years ago

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If You Were in These Arms -- Chapter 2

Pairings: Roger Taylor x fem!reader, Brian May x fem!reader

Summary: You're pregnant with Roger's baby, but sometimes things don't work out as planned. Sometimes you find more support in your best friend than the child's father. But what if that turns out not to be as bad as it seems?

Tags: modern!AU, little bit of fluff, angst, pregnancy, cursing

Words: 1,635

A/N: What a way to start the weekend! First I'd like to thank you guys for all your lovely comments and requests to be added to the tag list!! It means the world to me. I might not be able to post future parts of this fic for the next two weeks because I'm going to Italy from September 23 - 27 and I still have to pack my things oops. Anyway, here's the second chapter of what I think is going to be one of the best things I've written. Enjoy!

Tag list: @somebody-to-rock-you @siriuslovesmarlene @steveebabyyy @rogerscarfreddiescat @a-crowd-of-newsies @chlobo6 @generic-fandom-trash @bohemiansweede @bismillahnah @devilcrivbaby @drowseoftaylor @brianmayscurls

Chapter 1

After spending most of your time at Brian's flat, you officially moved in with him a week later. Roger didn't seem to mind - at least he was never home when you and Brian went to get your things. You had texted him earlier that you would move out if he didn't make up his mind. He'd left you on read. During the day you mostly stayed with Brian, so you didn't see him then. At night you were in Roger and your apartment and he wasn't there either. You figured he may have gone back to his mother in Cornwall or avoided you by temporarily living with one of his friends.

"No no no no, I'll carry that," Brian called, running up to you as he saw you lifting your weekender bag out of his car.

"Bri, it's just a bag." You frowned, shaking your head with a laugh.

"You're pregnant," he insisted and took it from you. "Don't want anything to happen to the baby."

"It's only my fifth week."

"Look, I don't wanna be rude to you, but shut up. I only want the best for you and the little one, you know?" The little one. Brian saying that with this tiny open mouthed smile was so cute. It sounded like he was actually excited for your child - as if it were his. You wished its real father would have showed this much enthusiasm...

You couldn't resist his puppy eyes, so you gave in, even though you didn't think it was that big of a deal. It wasn't like you wanted to carry that heavy suitcase that was still in the trunk. Nonetheless, you genuinely appreciated the sweet gesture and helped him hold the doors open as he moved your belongings upstairs to his apartment on the third floor. An hour and some bickering about whether or not you would be physically able to unpack your things later, everything was finally in the living room and the two of you were proud to have pulled through with your plan. A new life section was going to begin now and though still heartbroken and a bit scared, you were looking forward to it.

"Welcome home," Brian grinned, stretching his arms out for you.

The sound of those words made you realize this was your home now. This was the place you were going to come back to after work. You were going to come home to Brian every day for God knows how long. You had a strange feeling in your stomach at the thought. He'd been your closest friend for six years now, but moving in with him? Wasn't that a step too far? You didn't have to share a room because you went to college together or anything and technically, you were still in a relationship with someone else. Could that be considered cheating? Roger had always been a jealous guy… But why should that matter, anyway? He'd literally broken up with you and what you were doing with your life was none of his business now.

You smiled back and walked towards him, pulling him in for a hug. "Thank you. For everything."

"You know I'm always there for you," he said softly, holding you close. You knew immediately you could get used to this.

Neither you nor Brian had heard from Roger since the phone call. You figured Roger's "time off" would last a bit longer and he didn't seem to want you back, even after almost six weeks. It was extremely difficult to cope with the breakup in addition to your unplanned pregnancy, but you were also glad you didn't have to live with him anymore and Brian was always by your side, helping you the best he could. Despite you telling him not to sacrifice his free time for you, he avoided staying away for too long to make sure you weren't alone all the time because what if something happened while he was gone? In fact, you weren't alone that much because you spent most of the day working at that small boutique downtown and you rarely got home earlier than Brian. Still, he tried to keep parent-teacher conferences as short as possible, so he wouldn't come home too late.

Sometimes you even got the feeling he cared more about you in those few weeks than Roger had in two years, which was really heartbreaking, considering he had been your long-term boyfriend and Brian was only your best friend. But now you realized that his love - even if not romantically - was beginning to be worth more than Roger's, seeing as you and Brian had been inseparable since college and you always had each other's back, no matter what.

Soon you had your first doctor's appointment and you didn't want to go alone, so Brian offered to come with you for emotional support. You were furious when you found out he had cancelled an afternoon class for the appointment, but you secretly found his input cute. He assured you it wasn't a huge problem and the students wouldn't mind at all. You didn't quite believe him since he'd only been working at this school for a year and a half and you doubted he'd have the liberty to skip classes to randomly go to the doctor with a friend. Then again, it was almost impossible to change his mind, so you just let him.

"Bri, I'm nervous," you whispered as the two of you waited for the doctor.

Brian gave you a reassuring smile and took your hand in his. "I know, but I'm here with you, don't worry. I mean, I can leave later if you do feel uncomfortable-"

You quickly shook your head, chewing on your bottom lip. "No, you stay here."

"Okay," he agreed and you both stood up when Dr. Barnick walked in.

"Are you the father?" the doctor asked Brian after he greeted you.

"Oh, actually-"

"Yes," Brian blurted out, immediately regretting it afterwards. Couldn't he just shut the fuck up and let you talk? His damn job was to drive you and wait until you could go home. He didn't even have to say anything in the meantime. God, he was so stupid. Sure, he wished the baby was his, but why did he say he's the father when actually, he was only your friend? He wasn't even close to being your boyfriend, let alone a father figure for your child. He would never be that to you.

When you got back to the car after the appointment, Brian started apologizing to you immediately after he closed the door. "(Y/n), I'm so fucking sorry for telling him I'm the dad! I don't know why I said that, it just felt so… Nevermind. Believe me, it didn't mean anything!"

"Brian, please," you interrupted him, placing your hand on his, which was wrapped tightly around the driving wheel. "No need to apologize. It's okay." To his surprise, a small smile tugged at your lips and you subconsciously stroked his knuckles with your thumb. Before Brian could fully comprehend it, you stopped and folded your hands in your lap as you noticed him staring down at your hand. He looked up at the loss of contact, silently wishing you'd kept doing that. It didn't take him long to get back to the main problem, though.

"I just feel so dumb, y'know? Dr. Barnick thinks I'm the father, but first, that's not true, second, do you know how stupid it would sound if we told him otherwise at your next appointment, third, I can't answer questions about genetic diseases and stuff, fourth-"

You rolled your eyes and put a finger on his lips, knowing there was no other way to shut him up in this moment. Brian's breath hitched in his throat and he forgot how to speak, looking at you with wide eyes. "Hey, don't worry. We'll just carry on with it. I mean, how likely is it that Roger returns and everything comes out? You just continue pretending to be my boyfriend for when we go to the doctor and we don't have to explain anything, okay?"

Pretending to be my boyfriend… Hearing that made Brian's heart sink, though he felt lucky to act like a couple with you, even if it would just be to avoid complications once or twice a month, but it was better than nothing, right? It was the closest he'd ever get to dating you. He knew the only reason you suggested doing that was because it was convenient and maybe you didn't want to feel embarrassed because you were literally going to be a single mum. Brian wouldn't be able replace a father, even if he tried. Something would always be missing. The child wouldn't grow up with its biological dad and its "parents" - if you could even call that - wouldn't actually be together. He would only be your best friend who happens to live with you and occasionally help you with everyday things or function as a babysitter. Nothing more.

You didn't pull away until a couple of seconds later. Brian didn't tell you to either. There was a comfortable silence and for some reason you couldn't help but wonder what these soft lips would feel like on yours… Blame it on the hormones, but this was so wrong. You shouldn't even think about it! Not when you'd just gone through a messed up breakup and still hadn't fully recovered from it. You shouldn't consider starting another relationship - most of all not with your best friend. You weren't ready yet and you certainly didn't want to make him feel like he was only second best. He didn't deserve that.

Brian finally nodded and you drew your hand away before he started the car. "Let's go home."

#sorry for grammar errors #i proofread this late at night #also this is kinda short i promise the next part will be longer #mel writes #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor fic #roger taylor #brian may x reader #brian may fic #brian may #queen #queen fic #if you were in these arms

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songbirdspells · 8 years ago

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Libations: Pouring One Out for Your (Godly) Homie

Libations are a wonderfully straight forward concept within the realm of ancient Greek ritual. They happened. They happened a lot. The excess of libations and the manner they were carried out were very Greek–so intrinsically tied to how the Greeks did ritual that when Greeks observed other countries doing religious rituals they explicitly mentioned the lack of libations. For instance, when describing the Persians:

In describing Persian sacrifice, Herodotus seems to concentrate specifically on those aspects which differentiated it from the Greek. They had no altar, fire, libation, flute-music, garlands or sprinkled meal; the sacrificer crowned his head-dress, usually with myrtle, took the animal to a holy place and called on the god. Prayers for king and country only were allowed. (The Greek World)

And again when describing the Scythians:

The Scythians similarly did not use statues, altars or temples, except of Ares. Their method of sacrifice was always the same: the victim’s front feet were tied together, and the sacrificer pulled on the rope from behind to throw the animal down, before calling on the appropriate god. He put a noose round its neck, with a short stick under the cord which he twisted until the creature was choked. There was no fire, no offering of first-fruits, no libation. (The Greek World)

We can assess from these examples that libations were a predominately, if not uniquely, ancient Greek tradition. Nearly every dinner mention involves a libation (even without an accompanying offering or sacrifice). Libations were also used in what are called propitiatory sacrifices and offerings–these are also known as “appeasement” offerings (it is noted repeatedly that Zeus gets the predominate amount of these as a household god and as the ruler of the pantheon). They were also, naturally, used during rituals and festivals as part of the ceremonies. However, I hesitate to say libations took place during every offering and sacrifice. After all, the reasons for why the ancient Greeks would offer to the gods are endless and they would not offer a libation while gifting, say, a small tin trinket to a temple.

Now, how does one give libations in a traditional manner? You have a liquid (traditionally it would be honey, milk, wine, oil, and/or water), you decide who the liquid will be given to (and dedicating it to the whole pantheon is completely fine) and then you sprinkle out some drops or pour out a small amount. And you consume the rest. The sprinkle/pour step can happen before or after you partake in the rest of the liquid. That’s all there is to libations. As far as rituals go, I’d say they are probably the easiest and most accessible. The language, the liquid and the dedication are completely interchangeable. What matters is intent, giving a portion to the gods, and drinking the rest.

Libations are the best case of the whole mentality of the majority of Hellenic offerings which is “a part for the whole”. Holocaustal offerings are a different thing altogether and were reserved for certain situations or ceremonies. Regular rituals, most festivals and every day offerings were of the mentality that you gave freely to the gods when you could and the gods reciprocated with their own affections and good feeling. And every day offerings were a much more relaxed affair. As it says in Greek Folk Religion, “At the end of the daily meal a few drops of unmixed wine were poured out on the floor as a libation to Agathos Daimon.” (pg 46) This casual approach is a common mention. After all, think of the wide variety of personal practices we all have–most people are going to be more casual in their worship and relationship with the gods then, say, high priests.

An interesting case that perfectly encapsulates the idea that libations were offered “a part for a whole” is actually found in a case law book entitled Trials from Ancient Athens by Christopher Carey. Carey includes a transcription from a testimony from a homicide case and the witness states:

After dinner, naturally, since one was sacrificing to Zeus of Possessions and entertaining the other, and one was about to go on a voyage and was dining with a close friend, they made a libation and offered incense for their future. And while Philoneos’ concubine was pouring the libation for them – as they offered prayers which would never be fulfilled, gentlemen – she poured in the poison. Thinking she was being clever, she gave more to Philoneos in the belief perhaps that if she gave him more she would win more affection from him – she had no idea that she was my stepmother’s dupe until disaster struck – while she poured less in our father’s drink.They for their part after pouring their libations took their final drink, holding in their hands their own killer. (39)

This is wonderful because it gives us the full timeline of a traditional libations one would see at a dinner (not during a formal ceremony). The murderer pours the poison into the drinks because she knows for a certainty that they will be drinking from the cup. The amount given during a libation is also evidently left up to the individual. However, it clearly shows that the libation is done at a flexible time (pg 131, Ancient Greek Cults). Despite other examples showing libations being performed as a first or only offering, these gentlemen are taking their libations after merriment and sacrifice had already been performed. Therefore, we can conclude that unless one is following a precise ritual, the timing of sacrifices, offerings and/or libations is purely up to both the situation and the worshiper. Additionally, we have the certainty that you were expected to not drink a portion of the drink, unlike in a food offering in which it is normally the exception, not the rule, that you consume all edible portions.

An important thing to know and remember, however, is that despite the evidence sometimes presented that many chthonic offerings were “sober” or “wineless”:

In a chthonian sacrifice (denoted by enagismos and other terms), the victim is black or dark, the somber sacrifice is performed at night on a low altar or over a pit, and there is no meal: the animal is burned completely. Chthonians are also thought to prefer wineless libations of milk, honey, and water. These generalizations fail because many supernaturals with a strong chthonian character, especially the heroes, regularly received festive, participatory sacrifices. In the study of Greek cults, it may be preferable to abandon the concept of a strong opposition between Olympian and chthonian deities, since the character of a given deity depends upon the context. (page 12, Ancient Greek Cults)

I understand that this was long but it can be easily summed up as thus: libations are an important and vital part of the everyday rituals of Hellenic polytheism. They can be casual or high ritual, propitiatory or thank offerings. As long as one sprinkles or pours out a small portion and directs their libation to an entity or a group of spirits/deities you can successfully complete a libation. Libations, in short, are for everyone.

A Parting Side Note:

Things that I came across in my readings that are of note but I will not be discussing here because of the depth of discussion they need and deserve: philosophical debate as to how libations reach the Theoi, the debate on the devaluation of the distinction between khthonic and Olympian gods, the discussion on why the gods themselves gave libations, libations used in potentially psychedelic rituals (like Eleusian Mysteries or the waters at certain Oracle temples) and why khthonic libations are so often “sober”. Perhaps I will do future posts devoted to each particular topic or perhaps someone else will get there before I do. Regardless, these are all obviously linked closely with libations and are important for a deeper understanding and fascinating topics; however, I do not have the time, energy, or post space to cover them at this point.

Sources Used (may or may not have used direct quotes): The Greek Mysteries, a Preparation for Christianity, Paul Carus Trials from Ancient Athens, Christopher Carey Ancient Greek Cults, A Guide by Jennifer Larson Greek Folk Religion, Martin P. Nilsson Mysteries of the Oracles, Philipp Vandenburg The Chthonic Gods of Greek Religion, Arthur Fairbanks Magika Hiera, edited by Christopher A Faraone and Dirk Obbink The Greek World, edited by Anton Powell The Ancient Greeks: An Introduction by Stephanie Lynn Budin The Met Museum, online site, Colette and Sean Hemingway

#songbird notes #hellenic polytheism #long post #i am actually deeply unsatisfied by this #i wrote another 5+ pages trying to cover the topics I skipped #but I just do not have the energy to go into them #and i'm sick of staring at this in my documents #and i'd at least temporarily feel bad after doing all this reading and then just not posting #but may take this down in the future to improve

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