#and i’d love to learn how to play piano anyway cause it’s a beautiful instrument | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

harryandmolly · 5 years ago

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Change of Pace - 8 (Summer 2019)

cowritten by @achinglyshawn

summary: Shawn and Maya meet again 10 years after life got in the way of love

warnings: language, NSFW

wc: 11.3k

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Maya knocks her knees together rhythmically, watching her white topsheet catch the ray of sunshine coming in from her window and release it again.

Her window is open. She can smell the sea. And when she closes her eyes she can hear it.

She swears that’s more valuable than any hour of the expensive therapy she’s had in 12 years.

When she wakes up in the morning in her bedroom in the house she bought herself in her happiest place, she gets to feel proud. She hasn’t felt true pride like this in a long time, not since she first started working in finance and felt like she had made a smart, adult choice that would support her and create a good, solid life.

She looks at it now and wonders how she got there, how she managed to convince herself that words like “solid” and “adult” would ever be enough to describe the life she really wanted.

So yeah, Maya’s proud. She’s proud she sacked up and left. She’s proud that she hasn’t gone running back, especially with all the emotional tumult she’s caused herself with this whole unexpected Shawn situation. It would’ve been like her, once, to shut this down and go running back to Manhattan where she could control everything and not hurt anyone.

Not anyone but herself, at least.

But hurting herself is not what she’s doing anymore. She still doesn’t really know what she’s doing in Avila other than surfing and painting and sleeping. Maybe that’s what she’ll do with her life now, forever. Maybe that’ll be enough. Maybe she’ll need something else.

The point is she doesn’t know. She can’t know now. She can’t control it, so she must embrace it. Embracing Avila means more than just enjoying its beaches and the occasional farmers market. It means learning what Avila can really give her, can really make her.

Maya’s ready for her Avila makeover.

Maya frowns at the eyeliner pencil between her fingers. Was it always this clumpy? When the hell did she buy this?

When did she last wear eyeliner?

She lifts her eyebrows and sighs. She can’t honestly remember.

She swallows and puts it down, shaking a hand through her hair and adjusting her loose-fitting sheer button-up. She unbuttons one button at the chest, then buttons it back again. She makes a face. She’s never thought this hard about her appearance around Shawn in her life. She knows he doesn’t care. So what the fuck is she doing?

She just… she really likes to stun him. For him to stare at her with that slow-growing smile like he’s thinking about how fucking lucky he is. He hasn’t looked at her that way since the night they were together. She thinks she’d like him to look at her like that again.

Breakfast felt like a turning point, but she can’t explain exactly how. Since she got home that afternoon, she’s been a churning, overflowing cauldron of artistic output. She wakes up, surfs, draws or paints all afternoon and surfs again at night. And it feels fucking great.

Feeling great has been unfamiliar to Maya for so long. She’s gonna chase it. And right now, the feeling’s got her seeking out Shawn.

She feels good about the decision to ditch the eyeliner when she walks through the front door of his shop, signaled by the little ding of his bell. She wants to feel like herself around him. Just… a vibrant, sexy version.

Sawdust overwhelms his senses as he lies on his back beneath his piano. He glides sandpaper along the not-quite-perfect edges of the underlying framework. He doesn’t mind the extra time it takes with the paper, because he can’t get the finesse, the perfection with the electric sander at this angle.

He hums along to the new John Mayer album playing over the speakers as he brushes dust from his work goggles, before reaching for a particularly tricky edge whose perfection has been evading him.

The sandpaper falls on his face when the door to the shop opens, the little bell chiming over Mayer’s voice. Shawn blows at the paper until it slides off his face and lands on the floor.

“Be right there! Picking up or dropping off?” he calls as he rolls himself out from under the piano. He stands up and keeps his back to the door so he can brush himself off before greeting a client.

He shouldn’t wear black to work anymore. It does nothing to hide sawdust.

He gets himself as clean as he possibly can with dirty hands and a kind of clean rag, then turns to the doorway to the front of the shop.

“Oh—“ fuck.

Maya. He blinks at her, then looks down at himself, then back to her. He swallows; there’s absolutely nothing he can do about the fact that she looks gorgeous and he looks like he spilled coke all over himself like a desperate drug addict.

“Hey— hi. Hi,” he walks out of the back, into the doorway as wipes his hands on his rag again, “I didn’t know you were stopping by. Did I know? Shit, I haven’t looked at my phone all morning.”

The shop is empty. She gazes around at his instruments, each one of them holding a piece of him. It makes her indescribably happy and comfortable to be surrounded by them like this. She doesn’t even mind the smell of lacquer and sawdust. It’s as personal to her as her acrylic paints and turpentine.

He comes hustling out of the back room before she can answer his question. She beams at him, at the sweat matting his curls to his forehead and the sawdust that covers him. He looks like she’s knocked him out of an intense focus. Maybe she should feel a little guilty, but god, he looks so cute.

She lifts her hand from the back pocket of her little shorts and waves delicately, tilting her head like she’s flirting with him. The idea is funny to her, flirting with Shawn. Like he doesn’t know all her tricks. She bites her glossy lower lip and walks up to the counter. She props her elbows up and doesn’t regret leaving that one button undone.

“No, I was feeling spontaneous. I’d hug you, but you kind of smell like power tools,” she jokes, blinking up at him, hoping he touches her anyway.

She’s… different. Good different, he thinks. Confident different, like maybe she doesn’t feel like a total stranger around him anymore. She’s more familiar, he guesses. He smiles, throws his rag over his shoulder as he steps down from the doorway of the workshop and up to the counter.

Shawn leans down on his elbows and smiles at her, shrugging a little.

“This is how I always smell now, unfortunately.”

He wets his lower lip and lets himself study her. She did herself up a bit, for Maya standards. He knows when she puts thought into a look. His heart stutters. Why would she put effort into an outfit if she wasn’t trying to impress him or, you know, woo him or something?

That familiar feeling of hope flares in his chest. He bites his lip as he looks down at her.

“So, suddenly interested in picking up an instrument, Lu?” he asks with a teasing smirk and a tilt of his head.

Shawn mirrors her position over the counter. He’s a little overwhelming so close up like this -- Maya’s out of practice. Her breath catches in her chest. She decides not to tell him that she thinks the workshop smell thing is actually really sexy in a very classically masculine way. But she thinks it. Boy, does she think it.

Maya giggles and looks around the shop, nodding at the walls. “Mhmm, came in for a private lesson.”

… What? Where the fuck did that come from?

She floors him. The last time Shawn saw her, he practically broke her heart. But she’s here now, blinking up at him with her pretty brown eyes and— and flirting with him.

She didn’t even flirt with him before they had sex the other week. This is different. He’s not complaining.

“I charge double for walk-ins, sugar,” he murmurs with a wink.

Maya nearly melts into the counter when he winks at her and lowers his voice into that register that always made her knees weak. God, she’d walk into fucking fire for him.

Before she can let herself panic over that comment, she squares her shoulders and smirks at him instead.

“Want to show me what you’ve been working on back there?”

Oh yeah, his work. He told her to come over to see his work. He supposes he’d convinced himself she wasn’t going to.

He likes when she proves him wrong.

He raises his brows, then looks over his shoulder into the back, where the piano waits for him to stop fucking around.

“Yeah, totally,” he says with a grin as he looks back at her, “There are a few things back there, actually.”

“C’mon,” he says as he walks to the end of the counter and holds his hand out for her.

She takes his hand eagerly, giggling as she walks around the counter like she’s being naughty and going where she’s not allowed. She squeezes his hand, a silent additional greeting, an extra little “hey, I missed you.”

As he guides her into the back room, she sees nothing but the piano at first. It’s enormous, of course, so it catches her eye, but it’s more than that. It’s so sleek and elegant, even unfinished. Maya gasps through a grin, dropping his hand to circle it, admiring from every angle.

She examines his piano like she would a Botticelli at the Met. His heart clatters against his ribs as she watches her admire his work, like it’s really something exceptional and not like, a pretty basic piano considering it’s his first.

He’s clever though, so maybe it’s a little more unique than that. Maybe he sells himself short, too.

It really is magnificent. It’s beautiful, masculine somehow, poised and welcoming. It’s like if Shawn were an instrument, he’d be this piano. The thought makes her smile wider.

She turns away from him to place her hands on top, to feel its solid weight. “It’s extraordinary.”

He smiles and leans back against the desk behind him, still focused on her.

“Careful,” he murmurs, “I still need to sand it down up there.”

It’s actually pretty smooth but. He’s picky. And you really shouldn’t touch it with bare hands until it’s lacquered and dried anyway. Splinters fucking suck, so it’s too risky.

“But, you know, thank you. I guess it’s not bad for a first try.”

He glances down at the ground and smiles to himself, the tips of his ears turning pink. He’s always liked impressing her, always felt warm and bright from her praise. He preens for her. He’s easy.

Even after all these years, she’s still Maya Lu, junior art star and charismatic orientation leader and someone he just wants to know, so he trips over himself to impress her, to get her to be proud of him. To notice him.

He shoves a hand into his hair and tugs.

Maya lifts her hands and wiggles her fingers playfully to prove she hasn’t gotten any splinters. She turns to face him with a soft smile.

“I totally get it, you know. I see you everywhere in here. It makes so much sense to me that this is what you do. I mean, beyond being meticulous or whatever, you’ve always loved everything about music. So I get wanting to be so deep in it that you build it from the ground up like this. It’s… so you.”

She bites her lip and clasps her hands behind her back, walking back toward the other pieces in his work studio. The harp catches her eye. She touches it gently, admiring its curves and angles. She grins at the idea of him sitting down to play it. She thinks that would be a sight to see. A shiver shoots down her spine. She covers it by turning on her heel to face him again.

“I hope you still write music, though.”

She talks about him like she’s read a diary he doesn’t keep. She knows his facade and can see right through it, into the depths of who he really is, or whatever.

She’s held his heart in her hand and because of that, she can see him from the inside out.

It doesn’t scare him. It gives him a reason to keep hoping for the future he could have with her.

“I—“ Only about you. “I do, yeah, but not as often. I just don’t have the time, you know?”

It’s not really a lie, it’s just not the entire truth. He doesn’t have time, but he also doesn’t have ideas unless he’s thinking about her, in one way or another. Even if he doesn’t write a love song, Maya’s still the inspiration that guides his words and melodies.

It’s so cliche, that she’s his muse or whatever. He’s kind of disgusted with himself. That’s probably (definitely) why he pretends he doesn’t write very much.

He flirts with the idea of telling her, though. Like one desperate appeal to her emotions to convince her to stay in Avila forever and learn how to love him again.

He digs his fingernails into his palms to cool himself down. He’s always too willing to jump the gun with her, and today he doesn’t want to ruin this good thing that seems to be happening.

“I like to write little tunes for the different pieces I fix up, though. Like that harp. I’m not much of a harpist, but it’s fun to fuck around.”

He’s babbling like an idiot. He hopes she comes to shut him up before he says something totally incriminating.

Maya nods, watching him realize how much she still knows about him. After all, he’s still Shawn and she’s still Maya, even after everything. She imagines there’s plenty she doesn’t know about him but the fundamental things that make him who he is? Yeah, she still gets those.

“I’ve been… painting a lot,” she says carefully. It’s not something she needs to be wary of telling him, really, but she hasn’t told anyone that she’s dived back into her art. She hasn’t talked about art in so long. It’s like her mouth has trouble fitting around the words, or like she’s trying to speak a language she hasn’t spoken in many years.

Maya speaks like she’s telling him a secret. He smiles, wetting his lips before he murmurs, “That’s good.”

She deserves to paint. To do something for herself and not for her career or money. Painting, surfing, falling back in love with him. You know. That kind of thing.

He only hates himself a little for thinking it.

She takes little steps closer to him almost unconsciously, watching his chest rise and fall as he breathes. It’s meditative.

“I actually bought watercolors the other day. I haven’t worked in watercolors since I was about 15. It’s wonderful. It’s so… light.”

She wiggles her nose and chuckles to herself. “You and your harp and me and my watercolors. I guess some things never change.”

He chews on his lip, considering. “Yeah, actually. I don’t think I’ve ever seen any watercolor pieces of yours. And you’ve never seen me play the harp.”

She reaches out and taps his arm playfully but it sets her ablaze.

She’s such a dork. He grins at her, ignoring the way his stomach flips as she draws closer to him. He keeps himself steady, cool enough to catch her wrist in one hand before she can pull away from him.

He pouts. “Ouch, Lu.”

Maya feels like the way she’s creeping toward him seems maybe a little too much like a handler approaching a wild animal. He doesn’t scurry away from her though. He stays put.

He reaches out for her. Her heart breaks into a sprint.

Maya takes another step forward. He smells like sweat and sawdust. His eyes are curious and a little sleepy. And he feels like home.

Maya steps forward again. She’s right up against him now. She holds his gaze as she lowers her lips to the spot on his bicep that she tapped, kissing it gently.

“There,” she murmurs, “All better?”

Maya has always been a little too good at teasing him. He presses his fingers into her pulse as she presses her lips to his arm. He mashes his own lips together as he watches her.

“I guess,” he says, glancing down at his arm, then back to her. “Though I don’t think that’s standard medical protocol.”

He was not about to say something disgusting like, but that’s not the only spot that hurts. Even though he really wanted to. Like, what an easy opening. Maybe he should’ve said it. Maybe that’s what she’s angling for. He’s not used to this flirty version of Maya anymore, hasn’t seen her in 12 years and now she’s here in full force, like she never left.

Carefully, he lifts her hand until it’s resting on his shoulder. He drops her wrist in favor of curling his hand around her waist instead.

“But I won’t tell anyone,” he finishes with a smirk.

Shawn is warm and responsive. He holds her around the waist and brings her up against him gently, carefully, because neither of them is too sure how far to push this right now. It feels like they’re on a precipice again. One good gust of wind could knock them both over.

But he’s teasing her back and she missed it so much. So maybe this time she’ll be the breeze.

Maya lifts her other arm to curl them both around his shoulders. She doesn’t care that he’s covered in work dust and has some paint under his nails. She always wants him. She wants him even more now after being in his sacred space getting a special introduction to how he spends his time.

Maya comes up onto her toes and brushes her nose against his. “Our secret, then?”

It’s a little pathetic, how easy it is for Maya to drive Shawn crazy. To make goosebumps prickle his skin and his heart throb in his chest. She knows how to play him better than he does any instrument.

His eyes close, fingers curling tighter into her waist. He purrs, “I love keeping secrets with you, sugar.”

He brings his free hand to her neck, cupping her just beneath her ear and tilting her head back with a firm press of his thumb to her jaw.

“M’gonna kiss you now,” he breathes, before doing exactly that.

It’s a delicate, teasing brush of his lips against hers as he slides his thigh forward, pressing between hers.

When he holds her like this, when he kisses her like this, it feels like their world is their secret.

This kiss isn’t like the ones from the other night, frantic and a little neurotic because neither of them knew really what the other was thinking. This kiss feels more like the ones from Maya’s memory, the ones that came with years of experience. It’s not the first kiss, it’s the millionth and it feels so good.

She gives in easily, practically melts against him as she grips his thigh with hers. He hums into her mouth, tongue licking carefully at her lower lip.

Maya tilts her head, holding him where he is. She slots her mouth against his so she can suck on his lower lip, soft at first, getting firmer as they breathe together and she snuggles a little closer against his leg.

She’s in little denim cutoffs. The feel of his jeans pressed up against her bare legs is tantalizing. She squeezes her thighs around his, smiling into his mouth before she pulls away slightly.

He’s getting into it when she pulls away. His breath catches in his throat and he almost chases after her.

She looks up at him, smoothing the curls down against his neck.

She tilts her head and whispers, “You bring all the girls back here, Mendes?”

He chuckles, leaning in to nip at the angle of her jaw, just beneath her ear. “Oh yeah, Lu. This is the hottest hook up spot in Avila. I thought you knew,” he smirks, nosing carefully at her earlobe.

Maya chuckles but it doesn’t quite cover the shiver she feels at his sexy teasing. She holds on a little tighter around his shoulders, very sure that he’ll hold her up if her knees give.

That does remind her, though, that she hasn’t been on her knees for him. She misses that.

His tongue snakes out to lick her soft skin, slowly at first, before he gets worked up and starts pressing open-mouthed kisses behind her ear.

Maya aids him by sweeping hair off her shoulder. She mewls at the feverish press of his mouth to her skin. As a 21-year-old, she’d have begged him to leave a mark. Now she’s more interested in letting him do what he wants when he wants. She thinks of it as a way they can get to know each other again. She knows he liked it when she got bossy before, though. That part of her isn’t lost.

Maya closes her eyes and leans into him when he catches a certain spot on her neck that makes goosebumps break out over her whole body. She inhales sharply, right in his ear, and hums.

She strokes a hand down his back and back up, rucking his shirt up with her fingers. His skin is soft and sizzling warm all over. She grins, knowing he’s hot for her.

He focuses on tasting as much as of her skin as he can get to, has to use his mouth for something other than babbling her praise or telling her how much he loves her.

Tiny explosions sting his skin in the wake of her wandering hands. Her soft, panting breaths in his ear have his cock twitching in his jeans.

He rocks his thigh up against her, gripping her hip tightly so he can pull her down onto his firm quad. His lips find their way back to her ear and he catches her earlobe with his teeth, giving her a little tug.

“Lu,” he coos after he kisses the shell of her ear, “What do you want, sugar?”

They’re grinding hard where they stand like the horny kids they still are at heart. Maya can feel herself already a little wet in her panties for him as he drags her along the thick, muscled length of his thigh. He feels so fucking good.

She hangs on him, lets him spoil her with every touch, every nip, every kiss. When he asks her what she wants, she’s almost too overwhelmed to answer. She groans and looks around the room. There’s a couch against a wall that looks welcoming. Maya drags her fingernails down his spine and nods at it.

“I want you to go sit. I want you to let me spoil you a little,” she murmurs, turning her head to plant a kiss on his cheek as she releases him.

Waiting for him to obey, she starts tugging at the buttons of her shirt.

He’s imagined something incredibly similar to this happening to him time and time again. It’s one of his go-to shower fantasies. He should probably be a bit ashamed of that.

He pants as he looks down at her, hand dropping to the desk once more. He grips the edge, has to get his bearings first so he doesn’t trip over himself.

“What did I do to get so lucky?” he asks with a raise of his brow as he finally pushes off of desk and drops down on the couch, sinking into the plush leather while he drapes his arms along the back.

His dick aches in anticipation, and he spreads his thighs in an attempt to calm himself down as he looks up at her.

Maya wets her lips, reaching the last button on her shirt. She tugs it out where it’s tucked into the front of her shorts and lets it fall open over a sweet, sheer lace bralette. She drops it off her shoulders, wasn’t really planning to give him a little show, but, while she’s here…

Maya turns away from him and slips her fingers into the waistband of her shorts, thumbing around her hips teasingly. She glances at him over her shoulder and inhales slowly, tugging at her zipper. She pulls them down slowly, wriggling out of the tight fabric, turning back around to show off her little matching panties. She’s putting her cards on the table -- Maya didn’t often bother to match her bra and underwear. She’s showing him that she put in some effort in the vain hope that this was where it might lead.

She planned this. Maya fucking planned this. He knows because her panties match the pretty bralette she’s wearing and she only ever wore matching lingerie when she had a plan. He squeezes his eyes shut and groans a little. He’s not complaining. She makes good plans.

She takes a couple steps forward and kneels between his legs. His cock is already getting hard in his jeans, she can see it beginning to strain against the fabric. Maya runs her hands, fingers spread wide and hungry, up and down his quadriceps from hip to knee, digging her thumbs in to massage the muscles. She looks up at Shawn, blinking innocently.

He opens his eyes again quickly, not keen on missing anything, and sees her dropping down to her knees.

“Shit,” he breathes as she presses her small hands into his thighs, fingers scratching over his muscles. His cock twitches and his legs part just a bit more as he rolls his hips forward. His head tips back and he pushes a hand into his hair, trying to find some way to ground himself.

Maya watches his body react without his mind’s permission, canting his hips up because he knows what he’s getting from her and knows how good she can give it. She’s flooded with power and pride, imagining no one’s ever made him feel this way. Maybe she’s wrong, maybe she’s not the best he’s ever had, maybe her ego only gets this swollen when he’s looking at her like that between his knees but she wants to believe it.

He’s that for her, anyway.

“Sweetheart,” she rasps, “You miss my mouth?”

A rough laugh rumbles his chest as he shakes his head. “God, baby. You know I did.”

I missed everything about you.

He manages to choke on the sentiment instead of admitting it. He moves past it, babbles on with, “Missed your pretty lips and hot tongue. Missed how good you always are.”

His lips loosen, praising the attributes of her mouth. She hums in agreement, flushing a little as she reaches for the button of his jeans. She pulls on them, biting her lip as she watches him rake a shaky hand through his gorgeous curls.

She wastes no time, taking his boxer briefs down with his pants in the same motion. She wets her lips at the sight of his cock stiff and pink and nearly ready for her. She sits forward, resting her chin on his thigh and blinking up at him sweetly. She takes his cock in her hand and strokes him slowly, light pressure, because she loves driving him crazy and she’s damn good at it.

“What else did you miss?”

She loves watching him run his mouth when he’s getting worked up like this. She wants to see what kind of picture he can paint for her.

“Ah-- ah, shit,” he growls when she digs her chin into his thigh and wraps her perfect hand around his cock.

Missed the way you looked at me when you told me you loved me.

He can’t fucking say that, or anything remotely like it. His hips twitch and he closes his eyes, breathes in slowly through his nose to calm himself down. After a moment, he’s able to look at her, sees the glint in her eye and the sweet little smirk on her lips as she slowly works his shaft.

“Missed how you suck my cock, Lu. Missed how you moan around me, how you rub your thighs together as you get wet with my dick on your tongue. Missed watching you touch your clit while you suck at me like a popsicle.”

He’s panting by the end of it, his lips wet and swollen as he fucks his cock up into her fist. He’s got no shame with her, can’t bother acting like they don’t know each other like this, inside and out. Maya’s well aware of what this coy little act of hers does to him. He doesn’t mind that she uses it against him.

“Love how wet you get while sucking my cock, sugar,” he growls, pushing both hands into his hair and tipping his head back, watching her from beneath his thick lashes.

Maya’s enchanted. He’s so fucking sexy. He’s always sexy, he was sexy when she bumped into him on the beach today, he was sexy when she walked in to see him covered in sawdust, he was sexy when he was blushing at her artwork 15 years ago.

But when his lips are wet around the filth he’s moaning about loving how turned on she gets by getting him off, he’s so sexy she doesn’t know what to fucking do with herself.

Maya’s head feels heavy. She tilts it so her cheek is resting on his bare thigh, tightening her grip on his cock as he starts to fuck up into it. She knows it’s not nearly enough for him, she knows it’s not at all the best she can do to drive him insane, but the best is yet to come.

“Mmm, can’t help it,” she sighs, turning her face to leave a biting kiss on the inside of his thigh. She sits forward and forces his hips down with a press of her hand, watching his head fall back. She stares up at him, licking a hot, thick stripe up the underside of his cock. She follows it up with sweet little kitten licks around his swollen head, scooting forward on her knees.

“Getting you hard gets me so fucking wet,” she confesses, but he already knows. She hums again, dipping her head to drop the tip of his dick into her mouth, swirling her tongue around slowly.

“God, Maya,” he grunts when she gets her tongue on him. Her confession is something he’s aware of, but hearing her say it sparks lightning in his veins. She’s so gorgeous like this, settled comfortably in his lap with her mouth on his cock. She’s always prettiest when she’s the most comfortable around him.

“That’s it, sugar,” he practically slurs as her hot little tongue circles the head of his cock. He tugs his hair as he focuses on her mouth, watching her plump lips stretch around him, just barely covering his tip as she teases him the best way she knows how.

Maya’s lashes flutter at the sound of his voice, hot and smooth like syrup as he purrs at her. It makes her moan around his cock as it throbs against her tongue.

The sounds her mouth makes around his dick are so obscene -- wet, slurping pops as she sucks at him like she might never get the chance again.

“S’this why you came over here, Lulu? Missed sucking my cock like this?” he coos, but his voice is rough, fucked from her lips and her hands and the smell of sea salt in her pretty brown hair.

“Missed getting your thighs all wet with my dick in your mouth, didn’t you?” he asks, so he doesn’t ask her something like, Did you miss the way I used to make love to you when you couldn’t sleep at night?

Now is not the fucking time.

She blinks up at him and takes him back further down her throat, starting to bob her head as he speaks. She groans again, nodding, pausing on an upward pass of his shaft to kiss the tip of his dick and take a breath.

“Yeah,” she pants, “Wanted you in my mouth so bad. Miss how good it feels having you down my throat. You haven’t even touched me and my pussy is soaked.”

She’s a lot filthier than she used to be. All those years of his dirty mouth must’ve rubbed off on her. It’s incredibly fucking sexy, mostly because it’s so goddamn honest.

He believes she means every word. She’s not just trying to be sexy, and that’s the sexiest part.

He drops a hand from his hair to reach for hers, cupping the back of her hair as she sinks her mouth further down the length of his cock. She’s warm and velvety around him, and absolutely fucking incredible. He throbs between her lips.

With another gentle kiss on his twitching head, she grips him firmly, stroking while she holds his gaze and dips her hand down the front of her panties. When she pulls it back out, he can see she wasn’t fucking around. She’s so wet.

She grins and dives back in, using the hand that was stroking him to reach down and cup his balls, squeezing and rolling them between her fingers.

“Oh, fuck, sugar, oh my fucking god,” he growls when she shows him her sticky wet fingers then plays with his balls.

“That’s so sexy, baby, Jesus Christ. Gonna let me taste you? You taste so fucking good.”

Maya thrives on this, on hearing how completely wrecked he sounds when she really starts going to work on him. Truthfully, she was nervous -- she hadn’t had her mouth on a man in a really long time. Shawn’s eager whimpering and words of praise tell her for certain she hasn’t lost her touch.

His hand in her hair has her pumping him a little faster in and out of her mouth, meeting where her gag reflex resists him with little groaning purrs from the back of her throat.

She slides back up his cock again, tonguing at his slit. She reaches up and offers him her fingers to suck on, knowing what he wants.

She shivers, pulling off his shaft and kissing down the beating vein on his cock to press teasing kisses all over his balls. She wants to make him lose his goddamn mind. After all, it’s what he deserves.

“Suck on my fingers, baby,” she encourages, breath rough and hot on his thighs.

It’s a little pathetic, how he scrambles for her fingers. He wraps his hand around her wrist and tugs her to his mouth, licking her fingers carefully before sucking them past his lips. He groans around her, pulling her fingers from his mouth with a pop before kisses her fingertips.

Maya could watch him lose his mind like this for her forever. He holds her wrist steady so he can savor the sweetness on her fingers and it reminds her just how desperate he can get for her. He could never get enough of the taste of her. But she was similarly affected -- she used to drag blow jobs out until he was begging, pleading to come, it was too much to take, but she liked pushing his limits.

Her lips on his balls have his cock aching, leaking for her, dripping down his shaft and onto his abdomen. He squeezes her wrist and drops his head back, hips fucking up, cock grinding against nothing.

“Shit-- shit, Maya, my god. You’re-- fuck, you’re so sexy. So good-- so fucking good at this, so good to me, Christ,” he hisses, nipping at her fingertips again before looking down at her, his eyes glassy.

He wants to tell her he loves her so badly. His heart is hammering against his ribs and the feeling of it warms through his entire body as his hips rock back and forth on the couch. He feels like he’s vibrating with need, but he’ll never be satisfied until he can tell her how he really feels.

He nibbles at her fingers and mutters hopelessly like he’ll never have it so good again in his life. It makes her stomach swirl. She’s so eager to get him off now. She wants to make it unforgettable.

“Sugar, Maya, I’m-- ah, fuck, I missed you,” he rasps, holding on just enough to choose his words wisely.

I missed you.

He’s been saying it since they started making out. Hell, he said it the last time they fucked. It just… it sounded different this time, like he was trying to say something else. Maya pulls away from him to look up, past his heaving, panting chest and his swollen lips to his big brown eyes. She closes her eyes, turns her face into his thigh and slowly, affectionately noses at the soft hair there. With one last little kiss, the only thing she can give him in return, she sits up and takes his cock down her throat, bobbing her head quickly, soaking his dick.

Maya squirms, moaning around him hot and hard in her mouth. She reaches down between her thighs and rubs her clit quickly with the pad of her middle finger, swallowing him down as far as she can, ready to make him fall apart.

“Holy fuck,” he chokes out, curling forward over her head as she takes his cock deep into her mouth and sucks at him like her life fucking depends on it. He pushes his hands into her hair to hold on, not to guide or direct her, but to steady himself as she completely overwhelms him.

He looks down at her and realizes her hand is between her thighs, sure her fingers are flicking her clit like she always loves to do as she tries to carry him to the edge.

He wants to come in her mouth, but he also wants so much more. He’s feeling crazed for it, maybe overly emotional and nostalgic, but he wants to come with her. He wants to make her come all over his cock before he finally lets go himself. He wants her to know how he feels without having to say it.

“Baby, baby--” he growls, tugging at her hair, grinding his hips into the couch. “Maya, sugar, I’m-- you got me so fucking close, but I don’t-- I wanna feel your pussy, sweetie. Please.”

Shawn wants more.

Before Shawn, no guy had ever refused the opportunity to come in her mouth. He was the first to show interest in getting her off with him. It seems he hasn’t lost the desire.

She’s sure he’s practically dangling on the edge of an orgasm, so the willpower it takes to reel it in and do what he can to get her there with him is pretty stunning. Maya whimpers, overwhelmed by his desire for her, and sits back on her heels, running a hand through her hair.

“Ok,” she murmurs, clearing her throat, “Yeah, baby. Wanna feel you inside me. Always.”

The “always” was maybe a little much but her brain is fried. She stands, giggles as she nearly tips over on shaky legs, and ditches her soaking wet lace panties.

She stands before him flushed and needy as she slips out of her sticky panties. He can see the wetness dripping down her thighs as she crawls onto the couch, legs spreading so she can straddle his lap.

He’s breathless, staring at her with his hands tangled in his own hair. He lets her take him how she wants, touch him how she wants, use him however she wants.

He’s hers.

Shawn watches her from the couch. She does what she can not to leap on him, instead lowering herself into his lap and sitting forward until his cock is pressed against her pussy and she can roll her hips to grind against him.

“Oh fuck,” she whines, scrunching up her nose, tightening her grip on his shoulders.

Shawn doesn’t know how he went twelve years without this. Without her. She fits perfectly against him, curves perfectly into the lines and divots of his body, so well sometimes that he can’t remember where he ends and she begins. He’s really so fucked that he thinks about her in cliches and he doesn’t even care.

Finally, she slides forward; her pussy is hot and slick over his cock as his hips jerk up in response to the sweet sensation.

“Yeah, baby,” he growls, dropping one hand to her thigh as he looks her up and down, from her slick pussy dripping on his shaft to the smooth curve of her belly, to her hard nipples that strain against the pretty fabric of her bra.

“God, you’re gorgeous,” he says, his voice more awestruck than sex-fucked in this moment, as he gazes at her resting atop him like she belongs there and nowhere else.

How does he not tell her he loves her? How can he not? She should know, she deserves to know. He can’t just keep doing this with her and pretending like it doesn’t mean the world to him.

He pushes himself away from the back of the couch and presses his chest to hers, cupping her throat with his hands and gliding his thumbs along her jaw. He presses his forehead to hers and looks her in the eye, searching for something, though he’s not sure what.

“Maya,” he breathes, nudging her nose as he grinds his cock up against her, brushing the head over her swollen, sensitive clit. “Missed how good you feel like this, sugar.”

Maya sobs a breath when he lurches forward and presses up against her chest, holding her face in his hands. She wants to close her eyes so badly, it’s too much having him so close and staring at her like this like he’s considering not ever letting her go again. But the way he’s holding her, pressing his nose against hers gently while he finds an angle that will make her gasp (which he does easily), it makes her hold his gaze.

Her breathing is ragged. She’s half a heartbeat away from tears. How can he treat her this way, after everything? It’s not to be denied now, not at all. There’s still something very real here between them that neither of them is doing a good job ignoring. And Maya’s not running from it.

Maya lifts her fingers into Shawn’s hair, surrendering. She tips her head onto his shoulder, takes a slow, deep breath with her hips still rocking into his and wraps her arms around him.

“Take me, Shawn. Please.”

“I got you,” he murmurs, pressing his lips to hers as he wraps his arms around her waist and reaches up the length of her spine to cup her shoulder blades and rock her down against his cock. “Lu, I got you, I’ll take care of you.”

He kisses her again to shut himself up, then rolls his hips forward, smoothly sliding his length along her slit and nudging over her clit before pressing up against her tight entrance. He rocks again, pushing his tip shallowly into her pussy, her velvet walls immediately clenching perfectly around him.

He swallows her up into his chest with the way he curls his arms around her. Maya’s never felt so safe, ever. The kiss keeps both their stupid mouths occupied, which she’s so grateful for. But when he slips inside her, hard and thick and everything she’s wanted, she groans, loud and unabashed into his mouth.

“Fuck, sugar,” he purrs, sucking at her lower lip, giving her a little nibble. He then mouths along the sharp angle of her jaw until he reaches her ear, giving her earlobe a kiss.

“So fucking wet for me. Can’t believe how wet you get, can’t believe how fucking good you feel,” he mutters in her ear, voice rough with need. “Feels perfect, Maya, you know that. Don’t you, sweetheart? You know you feel so perfect on my cock.”

He emphasizes his words with a flick of his hips that slides him deeper into her slick, welcoming cunt.

“Oh my god, oh Shawn,” she gasps between his sweet lips as he starts to break away for her jaw, mumbling to her quietly like he doesn’t realize he’s doing it. It makes a sharp shiver tear down her spine so she squirms hard in his arms.

His hips flick up. Her head falls back, her mouth drops open in a silent scream as her hips start to rock of their own volition.

“Never been so good, never been so fucking good with you,” she chants, shaking her head, “It was always perfect but, fuck, it’s never been this good, baby, you’re so good with me. It’s perfect, baby. It’s perfect.”

Her words are repetitive, a stream of consciousness of the hot, torrid thoughts in her head. She scrunches her fingers in his hair and tugs to show her urgency because words simply aren’t enough at this point. Plus, if she opens her mouth now, she just knows a poorly-timed I love you will come tumbling out.

She’s right, it’s never been this good. He’s never felt so desperate for her before, so determined to use his body to show her the depth of his feelings for her because they’re too much to vocalize. He whines against her ear as she praises him, praises them both.

“Just wanna make you feel this good as much as I can,” he admits on a choked off breath, his fingers digging into her shoulder blades as his hips stutter beneath her soft, slick thighs.

God, everything he says right now feels like an atom bomb. But he’s giving it to her so good she really can’t stop and think too hard about it. She can’t really think at all.

Shawn wisely silences himself against her neck, at least temporarily, busying himself with marking his former territory. She’s far from stopping him. If she can walk around with his love bites on her body for a few days, she’ll welcome it. They’re like a badge of honor.

He rocks his cock deeper and deeper into her sweet pussy, licking and sucking along the column of her throat, down to her clavicle then back up to her ear, nipping at the sensitive shell of cartilage.

Her tits bounce as he thrusts hard into her. She clings to him, fingers sinking into his neck and his hair to keep herself from smacking into him as their bodies take over control. There’s nothing gentle or meticulous about it the way Shawn sometimes is with her. That’s equally as wonderful, of course. But this, this raw need for her that controls the flicking of his hips and has him so deep inside her that her toes curl, this is so fucking good.

“Jesus, sugar,” he pants, hips snapping harder and harder as he bounces her in his lap, working her on his dick. “Fucking-- love it, love having you on my cock, baby.”

He bites down on her shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut after a close fucking call that he can only blame on the ambiance of the sunset shining through the windows and panting the room in golden amber light.

Maya doesn’t notice him fumble over his words, instead gasping and twitching when he bites at her bronzed shoulder like he doesn’t trust his mouth. She cradles the back of his head and whines, the pain and pleasure setting something off inside her.

“Baby, I’m gonna come. Gonna come soon. Wanna touch my clit for me?” she whispers, tonguing at the shell of his ear in time with the roll of her hips.

Something snaps inside of him when she purrs in his ear, asks him to help make her come with his fingers. He growls and wraps a thick, sturdy arm around her waist so he can lift her from his lap and settle her down onto the couch instead.

Maya mewls in his ear when he lifts her and repositions her on the couch. She lets him take over her hands — as much as she likes to hold him, she knows she’s taken care of right now.

They stay connected as he shifts around, knees on the couch, thighs pressed against the back of hers as he reaches for her wrists and pins them above her head so she’s arched beneath him, pretty tits straining against her bra.

Shawn starts moving again, making sure this orgasm is going to overwhelm her to the point of total, unadulterated bliss.

Her sensitive nipples arch against his chest and drag against the fabric of her bralette. Her feet are planted on either side of his legs so she can give as good as she gets, but the rhythm of her hips is starting to fail as she gets closer and closer.

“M’gonna make you come so good, sugar,” he pants, keeping her wrists pinned with one hand while the other ventures down her body, fingertips tripping over her skin until he reaches the wet, hot apex of her thighs.

He snaps his hips once, twice, thrice, changing the angle each time until the head of his cock finally brushes her g-spot, just as he slips his middle finger between her pink folds and flicks at her swollen clit. He presses down on the stiff little nub before slowly working her in tight circles, the rhythm of his finger slower than the snapping cadence of his hips as he stretches her pretty pussy with his cock.

He knows exactly what she needs like he always has. He tilts his hips to rut against her g-spot with every stroke. His finger swirls tight but tantalizingly slow against her swollen, twitching clit.

He kisses along her throat until his lips meet her chin. He moves to her mouth, sucking her lower lip between his teeth. He gives her a little nip before pressing their foreheads together. “C’mon, Lu, come all over me. Feels-- fuck, fuck-- feels so fucking good when you come on my cock.”

She can’t keep the air in her lungs. She’s panting and writhing beneath him, thrashing like a desperate caged animal. Until he settles his forehead against hers and whispers.

Maya goes rigid, crying out into his mouth, arching extraordinarily as she soaks his thick cock. Her body holds him in as it riots, orgasm reaching up through her until she’s rolling, slow and tortured, like she’s clinging to every piece of her release.

He’s not sure how he manages to make it through her rippling, overwhelming orgasm without completely falling apart himself. He kisses her through it, rolling his hips faster as he picks up speed with his finger on her twitching clit.

It’s hard to keep up with her thrashing, but he tightens his grip on her wrists and lets himself settle more of his weight atop her. She’s fucking dripping all over him, soaking his dick and his lower abdomen, along with his thighs.

He pulls back when she starts to come down, slowing his hips as his cock throbs inside of her spamming cunt. He watches her chest heave as he clenches his jaw, forcing himself still as he pants along with her.

It’s one of the longer orgasms she’s ever had. When it begins to fade, Maya blinks her wet eyes open and stares at him, so in love he must just see it all over her face. She coos and kisses his swollen lower lip.

“Your turn, honey. Come inside me. Wanna feel you so deep, baby.”

His eyes flutter shut when she kisses him, purring with a loving clenching of her pussy. He groans into her mouth, his snapping tightly, just once, before he lets himself kiss her properly.

“Gonna give you what you want, Lu, gonna—“ he cuts himself off with a moan, dropping his head down to her shoulder as he fucks her faster, hips rabbiting down and slapping her thighs.

He goes quick and shallow, can’t help but focus the head of his cock over her g-spot with every frantic stroke, the angle ingrained in his muscle memory.

Maya’s heart rate has just started to normalize when he starts stroking hard again. But she can’t help but get worked up again -- she anticipates his orgasm as much as her own, if not more.

Maya holds on, wrapping her legs around his hips as he slams them into her. With each quick thrust, he bumps up against her sensitive spot that has her grunting and squirming.

“May— Maya, shit,” he bites at her collarbone to shut himself up as his balls tighten and he finally lets go. He groans into her skin, coming deep inside of her as his hips come to a clenched stop against her wet thighs.

He sinks his teeth into her clavicle when he buries himself and comes hard, letting go inside her. She groans, low and deep, at the dual sensations. She slides a hand up to cradle the back of his head, letting him rest against her chest while he comes down. She strokes his hair and lets her clenched legs slide off until she’s limp and wholly satisfied beneath him.

“That was… god, Jesus Christ,” Maya sighs, running her pointed toes down the back of his leg as she tries to remember how to talk.

Shawn’s a little out of his head. He’s pretty sure he’s never come so hard in his life. His face is buried in her neck as he finally begins to relax, legs and hips unclenching as he collapses on top of her, settling between her thighs.

Maya’s eyes are closed as he noses at her, strokes her fiery, goosebumped skin and recovers from a truly epic orgasm. She relishes the weight of him against her, so familiar and comforting like he’s her favorite giant blanket. She scooches around beneath him until they’re both comfortable and tucked up against each other.

His chest is heaving, pressing into hers while they breathe together, basking in the warm afterglow. Shawn carefully releases Maya’s wrists and glides his fingers down the length of her body until he reaches her waist. He mouths slowly at her throat when he finally gets his breathing under control.

He doesn’t trust himself to speak yet, though, still shaken from the heat of his orgasm. He rubs the tips of his nose across her skin and paws at her sides with his needy, wandering hands.

She’s not doing much better than he is.

“You’re the most incredible woman I have ever known,” he pants into the soft skin of her neck when he decides he just can’t keep quiet. He’s lame and hyperbolic and probably too much, but an orgasm is a hell of a drug. And Maya is a hell of a woman.

His words have her eyes snapping open. She clenches her jaw and blinks quickly, trying not to gasp for breath but she’s having trouble oxygenating her brain.

After a moment or two, she speaks.

“You really always have been too good to me,” she murmurs, turning her face so her nose brushes up against his sweaty curls.

Maya’s overwhelmed. Part of her wants to spill her guts, tell him all the lovely things she’s been thinking for so long, tell him all the ways she’s missed him. The other part knows it’s not the time. Not now, not even when he’s said something so unbelievable.

He smiles into her skin. She says it like she doesn’t believe him, like he’s just nice to be nice. But he would never say something like that just to be sweet. He nudges her jaw with his nose, kisses her just beneath her chin.

“No,” he hums, kissing along her jaw lazily, “No, I’m just trying to give you what you deserve. Even if you don’t think you deserve it.”

It’s strikingly honest, but it’s true. She deserves the fucking world, and she doesn’t seem to know it.

Maya exhales sharply. She’s still getting used to this idea that he doesn’t hate her breathing guts. She’s also getting used to not hating her own breathing guts. So him laying it on this thick for no other reason than because he truly believes what he’s saying?

It’s a lot.

He breathes out after a moment, letting his head drop onto her chest.

“I know you think-- maybe you think I’m a glutton for punishment and you probably think I should hate you or something, but. I don’t. I never did. I was--” he lets out a gruff laugh, “I was fucking pissed, for a while. But I--” I always loved you, “I could never hate you. And I could never not think the sun shines out of your ass, because it does. You have, like, the best, shiniest ass.”

He rests his chin on her sternum and looks up at her, biting his lip through a sheepish smile.

He snuggles up to her chest and continues talking. She listens carefully, smirking at his comment about her ass. He props his chin up between her breasts. She plays with the curls on his forehead, twirling them around her slender fingers.

“Shawn Mendes, I think only you have a big enough heart not to hate me after what I did. I hated me. I think I’ve only recently stopped hating me. I think you’ve been part of that.”

“I don’t think you should hate yourself at all,” Shawn murmurs. He wants to kiss her, but if he kisses her, he’ll definitely blow it. He’s getting too close to ‘I love you’ with ‘I could never hate you’ as it is. Instead, he presses a gentle peck to her chest before looking back up at her.

She’s quiet for a moment or two before booping his nose with the tip of her finger. “You know, at some point, not now but maybe soon, we should talk about what it is we’re doing here.”

He wrinkles his nose, then closes his eyes at her suggestion. He only hates her a little bit for being the adult.

We’re falling in love again, right?

That’s what he wants them to be doing, even if it’s rash. Realistically, he knows that it can’t be what they’re doing. They haven’t seen each other in so long, and she has a job and a life and a completely different city to get back to. But she’s keeping the house here, so it’s not like she’ll be disappearing all over again. He could do long distance for a little, if need be, and they could learn how to love each other again.

He can’t say anything like that.

She continues toying with, bouncing the curls against his forehead like she’s a cat and he’s her ball of yarn. When he closes his eyes to think, Maya stretches back, folding an arm under her head, letting herself get even more comfortable with him. She ignores the idea that maybe that’s dangerous.

Instead, he blinks his eyes open and smiles crookedly at her. “We’re helping you relax after being so uptight in New York, obviously.”

It’s such a cop out. It’s cowardice, and he hates himself for it.

She chuckles at his answer to her question and strokes a hand through his hair from crown to neck, scratching him gently with her nails.

“You’re doing an excellent job of that,” she purrs, “I haven’t come this hard in… uhm, years.”

He closes his eyes and sighs, brushes one more sweet kiss to her chest. “We’re doing whatever you want to do, Lulu. I’m just-- I’m here. For you. However you need me.”

He kisses her chest again. She swallows sharply, her lie on her mind. He still thinks she’s leaving. He thinks at worst, she’ll be a temporary dalliance and will leave him alone again to live his life unburdened by her.

He doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into. She hasn’t let him.

She takes a deep breath, trying to free herself from the creeping guilt and gloom. She can be mature later.

Shawn loves the comfort of settling his whole weight atop her while she plays with his hair, even though it’s sweaty and like, pretty full of sawdust. He likes the familiarity of this, the comfort and warmth. He likes how she loves cradling him between her thighs, even long after they’ve both come down from their peaks.

He starts spreading kisses along the length of her sternum, down between the valley of her breasts then back up again, nipping at the soft fabric of her bralette every now and then.

“I hope you weren’t expecting any customers,” she murmurs, glancing around his work studio with a lifted eyebrow. She totally derailed his process.

He laughs, looking up at her, then around at the shop, now dark under the sparse light of dusk. He shakes his head as he looks back down at her.

“Nah,” he says with a shrug, “Most foot traffic actually happens in the morning, or right after lunch. By the end of the day it’s usually just me, obsessing over some project I don’t have to actually finish for like… weeks.”

Maya’s trying not to let herself fantasize about the idea of getting used to this. But she can see it so clearly -- installing a board rack outside. Walking up after a session to squeeze out her hair before she walks inside because he gets pissy about the saltwater on his fine hardwood floors. Riding him on the couch while the sun sets.

Yeah. Ok. The fantasy took hold. Too late.

He blinks down at her, then carefully pushes himself up onto one arm, lifting his hips from hers so he can slip out of her. He reaches down for his briefs and pulls them back up before he wiggles in between her and the back of the couch.

He pulls her into his chest, so her back his flush against his front, then reaches for the blanket over the arm of the couch and wraps them up.

Maya grunts gently when he slips out of her but he doesn’t go far, wrapping them up in a blanket on the couch. She’s so comfortable she’s a little worried about passing out right here up against him. He probably wouldn’t even mind. He’d probably be happy.

She wants to make him happy.

Maya snuggles in, tucks herself so the proportions of her body fit neatly into his. Spooning has never truly felt like spooning with anyone else, not when she fits so perfectly into him. She always rolled her eyes at the puzzle piece metaphor people like to use, but now she gets it.

She doesn’t try to wiggle away or excuse herself by pulling her panties on. She lets him move her, then cuddles back against him like a satisfied cat who wants to bask in his body heat. It’s his favorite feeling.

He sighs, presses a kiss to the back of her shoulder. “Better,” he murmurs. “Sometimes I sleep here. Like, if I lose track of time and don’t feel like walking home. This couch is really comfy.”

He’s babbling, now, like if he finds more shit to say, the longer she’ll stay.

Maya closes her eyes. “I don’t like the idea of you sleeping here all by yourself on this couch. It’s not even that comfy. Stop doing that,” she scolds with a smile.

He so busy plodding kisses along her shoulder and towards the back of her neck, that he doesn’t really care she’s fussing. He smiles into her hair as he noses the base of her scalp.

“It’s either alone here or alone at the apartment. Not much difference, Lu,” he says with a thoughtful hum. One of his hands finds her leg under the blanket, and his fingers slowly tease the curving slope of her thigh until he reaches her knee. He trails back up, then, stroking her skin until he reaches the ripple of stretch marks that bloom at her hip. He loves them. He’s familiar with each one, has spent hours tracing their path as they wrap around her body with his fingertips.

Maya lets him spoil her, dropping kisses all over her shoulders, sore from hunching over a canvas and paddling out to catch waves. She sighs at his words and goes to speak.

But his hand is so distracting.

God, his hands are so huge and yet so graceful. She just basks in the feeling of his touch after starving herself of it for so long. She hums and tries to remind herself what she was going to say to him next, before he started caressing her hip like he loves her stretch marks as much as he loves the rest of her.

“Will admit, though,” he murmurs, taking a calm breath through his nose as he presses his lips to the top of her head, his cheek cradled by his own bicep, “This couch is exponentially comfier when I have you here with me.”

He disgusts himself, sometimes. But he can’t help it. Maya brings it out in him.

Maya opens her eyes and lifts a hand to cup his jaw from behind her, stroking along the cut of it with her thumb.

“You know what I bet is comfier than this couch with me? Your bed with me,” she points out, glancing over her shoulder at him.

Shawn presses his jaw into her hand, like a dog nudging into a pet. His brows raise as he pushing himself up onto his elbow, looking down at her. She’s really on a roll with awesome ideas today. He grins.

“I dunno, Lemon,” he says, lips quirking, “You kinda steal the sheets. And sometimes you kick me when you have that soccer dream from when you were in third grade.”

He’ll take any chance he can get to remind her he knows her, knows the small details and close-kept secrets whispered between them in the dark as well as he knows the back of his hand or the chords to Back to Black by Amy Winehouse.

He drops his nose to her shoulder, kisses her gently.

“Do you really want to?” he murmurs, his voice gruff as he breathes into her skin and keeps his eyes closed. It’s a question bathed in doubt, but he can’t help it. This is the first time since she’s been in Avila where she seems truly receptive to folding herself into his life. He doesn’t want that to go away.

He’s teasing her but she can pretty much tell by the cadence of his voice that he’s stalling, a little bit in disbelief, maybe even a little nervous about letting her in that far. Or maybe he’s nervous that if he does she’ll run again.

She’s so fucking tired of running.

Maya carefully turns over and does a 180 to face him on her other side. She slings a leg over his and scooches up the couch so her face is level with his.

“If I can deal with you clinging to me like a leech in the middle of the night and talking in your sleep like a weirdo, you can deal with my occasional light kicking and hogging of sheets.”

She swings an arm around his neck and flattens her lips against his with a smile for a brief, loud kiss.

“Take me home, Mendes.”

----------

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years ago

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A How artistic are you? I’m not at all. Do you want to go to Africa? I’d love to stay at Giraffe Manor! AC/DC or Aerosmith? Aerosmith.  Do you know what Armenia is?  Yes.

B  What’s your beer of choice (if any)? Blech, none. Do you know the title of Buffalo Springfield’s one-hit wonder? Okay, I didn’t recognize the name so I Googled it and yes, I am familiar with their one hit wonder. I actually wasn’t familiar with the song title either, but after reading the lyrics I quickly realized what song it was. Do you have a brother? (Do you like it that way?) I have two brothers, and yes I love them. Which bank do you use? Not sharing that. C  Which comedian do you most enjoy? I think Kevin Hart is funny. Would you ever live in California? I have all my life. Is it possible/likely that you’ll become a cat lady? *Dog lady, but yes. How many different countries have visited? Just one. D  Do you believe there’s a devil? Yes. But demons maybe? Yes. Does eating dessert often make you feel guilty? Nope. Can you legally drive? I’m definitely old enough to have my license, but I don’t. What have you been diagnosed with (if you don’t mind sharing)? Depression, anxiety, and other physical health stuff. E  How often do you drink energy drinks? I like to drink Starbucks Doubleshot energy drinks often.  Where did you live when you were 11 years old? The house next door to where I live now, ha. We had our big move to the house next door to us haha about 10 years ago because our landlords wanted to install new flooring and stuff to our house, but since they had just finished this one they offered for us to just move in here lol. Do you like the actor who played Edward Scissorhands in that movie?  Why not just say Johnny Depp? Anyway, yes, I think he’s a very talented actor. Have you ever felt an earthquake? No, just aftershocks from one. F  When was the last time you saw your father one-on-one? Yesterday. Do you think French is the most beautiful language? I don’t know what I’d say is the most beautiful language. Is Friday your favorite day of the week? No. All the days are the same for me, so meh. Have you listened to Jimi’s song ‘Fire?’ Doesn’t sound familiar. G  Do you have real gold jewelry? No. How often do you watch ‘Gossip Girl’? I never have. Is Google your homepage? Yeah.  Do you like Geico’s commercials? Most of them are annoying. The gecko character is cute, though. H  When did you last feel happy? Uhhh. Do you prefer Hollister, Hot Topic, or H&M? Hot Topic is the only one I shop at now, but I used to shop at the other 2 as well. Did you dress up last Halloween? Nope. I stopped doing that a few years ago. Would you voluntarily watch the History Channel? Yeah and I do if there’s something of interest on. I  Have you ever been on an island? No. I live on one in Animal Crossing, though. ha. Would you be able to locate Indonesia on a globe? I think so. Do you know if Iceland or Greenland has more ice? Greenland. I remember it’s the opposite of their name for some reason.  Did you watch the last presidential inauguration? No. J  Do you enjoy jogging? No. On which instrument could you most easily play ‘Jingle Bells’? I’ve played it on the piano. How much do you know about John Lennon? *shrug* I know some stuff. Do you know how Jell-O is made? I know how to make Jell-O with the mix, but no I don’t know how the mix itself is made. K  Have you tried Krispy Kreme doughnuts? (Was it love at first bite?) Yeah, but no they’re definitely not my favorite. They’re not real donuts to me, they’re just pure sugar.  How many pairs of khaki pants do you own? “Uh, khakis?” ha, if you know, you know. Anyway, I don’t own any.  Have you ever been a fan of the Killers? Yeah. L  Does it bother you when couples are lovey-dovey in public? No, unless they’re having like full on makeout sessions, straddling each other and feeling each other up and whatnot lol. Hand holding/locked arms/arm around each other, hugging, little pecks, and just being playful with each other is cute.  Do you have your own lighter (why or why not)? No. I don’t have a need for one. In how many languages (besides English) can you count to 100? I can in Spanish. What’s your favorite lollipop flavor? Not a lollipop fan. M  Do you believe in miracles (why or why not)? I do because I'm a woman of faith. What do you think of shows like Maury and Jerry Springer? I used to like watching Maury, Jerry Springer was just for laughs.  Do you care that Mars (the candy co.) uses deadly animal testing? I haven’t heard that... I’d have to fact check. How did you form your opinion of marijuana? Based off the research supporting that it has a lot of benefits. I was especially swayed when I saw how it helped cancer patients.

N  How often do you sleep naked? Never. I wouldn’t find that comfortable at all, I very much like being clothed. Do you actually check the Nutrition Facts before eating something? Not usually, but I sometimes will just out of curiosity.  Who is your favorite musical artist/band beginning with ‘N’? Nirvana.  How nerdy are you (in what ways)? I’m socially awkward, for one. I also cared about school and did well, which is often considered nerdy. Also, a book nerd, Star Wars nerd, Marvel and DC movies nerd... I enjoy those things so I don’t care, but they’re deemed “nerdy.” What do you think about olives? Black olives are good, green olives are gross. Are you much of an outdoorsy person? Not at all. The only time I enjoy being outside is when I’m sitting out at the beach. How big of an Oprah fan are you? I don’t really consider myself a fan. How often do you shop online?  Quite often. P  Are you looking forward to your prom? If you already went, how was it? My prom was over a decade ago D: Anyway, I danced with the guy I had a huge crush on at the time, so hey it wasn’t too bad. How are your local policemen? I think they do a pretty good job overall. What is your ideal PB&J sandwich like? Just peanut butter and grape jelly, pretty simple. What do you think of the movie ‘Pineapple Express’? I could not get into that movie at all. Q  How true is the saying, ‘quitters never win and winners never quit’? I mean, can’t say “never”, but the main point from the saying makes sense. Do you prefer Quiznos or Subway and why? I’ve gone to Subway many times, but I think I’ve only been to a Quiznos once or twice. Have you learned the quadratic formula yet? (Do you remember it?) I think I actually remember it. What is the one question you most want to ask someone and who?  I don’t know. R  How many rooms are in your home? 2 bedrooms.  Do you like raspberries?  Nah. What’s one of your best memories from during a rain storm? Hmm. I don’t know, but I just really love that kind of weather.  Have you actually read Shakespeare’s ‘Romeo & Juliet’? Yeah, my freshman year in high school. S  Do you know any Sign Language? I know the alphabet and a few sayings. What is your sleeping schedule generally like? Oh, my sleeping schedule is an absolute joke. How well do you sing? I can’t sing well at all. How often do you listen to 60-70’s music? Now and then. I actually have several songs on my main Spotify playlist from those decades. T What do you think of Twitter? I like being able to post my random thoughts and following certain celebrities and just interesting people for funny and interesting stuff. How much do you value the Ten Commandments? I value them a lot. Are there many trees where you live? Not really.  How much taller/shorter do you wish to be? “I wish I was a little bit taller.” 🎶

U  Where do you usually buy your underwear? Various places. How do you define ‘ugly’? It goes a lot deeper than just the outer appearance. Do you like to shop at Urban Outfitters? I’ve only been to an actual store a couple times and I’ve checked out their website a few times, but I just think they’re ridiculously overpriced. V  Would you like being described as ‘voluptuous’? No one would use that word to describe me.  For listening to music, do you like to crank up the volume or keep it calm? I like it at a reasonable level, I don’t need it blaring. Do you ever watch the annual Victoria’s Secret fashion show? They cancelled that a few years ago, but I never had any interest in watching that.  Would you agree that ‘variety is the spice of life’? Yeah. W  Are you currently on wireless Internet? Yeah, that’s all I have. I haven’t had to connect to a wifi router or whatever with a cord in a very long time. Can you recall memories of learning how to whistle? I still can’t do it. Do you go to White Castle or just vicariously through ‘Harold & Kumar'? I’ve never actually been to one cause they don’t have one anywhere near me (they’re on the east coast, I’m a west coast gal). I’ve only had the the White Castle burgers from the store that you cook in the microwave. I actually like them, but I’m sure the real deal is even better. X  Why did you need your most recent x-ray and what were the results? I had to get a CT Scan a couple years ago. When it comes to ‘xoxo’, do you interpret ‘x’ as the hug or the kiss? It’s hugs and kisses, so the X’s are hugs. What does X stand for in Roman numerals? Can you write the previous number? X is 10, IX is 9. Why do you think xylophones are only popular with young children? That’s true, that is a pretty common baby toy. At least it was when I was little. Also, I played the xylophone in music class in elementary school. I don’t know why that’s a thing with kids. Y  Can you explain the meaning of the yin-yang symbol? Opposite, but complimentary principles. Like, you can’t have good without bad, lightness without darkness, etc. It’s about balance. Do people more often mistake you as being younger or older than you are? Younger. Did you know that yawning is contagious? Yeah. Would you like a bottle of Yoo-Hoo or it’s not really your thing? I actually like Yoo-Hoo, but I prefer it in the little carton or whatever with the straw (kinda like a Capri Sun, but it’s a box carton). It’s the perfect size, not too much. The strawberry one is my favorite. I haven’t had one in a long time, though. Z  How many places’ zip codes do you know by heart? Uhh, not many. What comes to mind when I say ‘Zero to Hero’? Disney’s Hercules movie.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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agustdef · 5 years ago

Text

Here & Now - Chapter 21

Pairing: Yoongi x OC

Genre: Fluff; Chill romance

Word Count: 2,452

Warning: Cringey attempt at lyrics because somehow that became important to the chapter. I’m deeply sorry.

Banner Marker: @dee-ehn

I’d been sitting at my desk double-checking the papers in front of me when my phone started to aggressively ding. In the group chat with the boys and Hals, there was a countdown going.

I couldn’t help the smile that came to my face as each of them sounded off and then Yoongi delivered the final word:

Rise is out!

The chat descended into anarchy as we all sent gifs and memes of celebration for the mini. As well as the group promising a listen and then to return back with thoughts.

As I opened Spotify my phone buzzed again and a message from Yoongi popped up. My immediate reaction was to roll my eyes.

Listen to ALL of it.

I ignored it and found the mini, pressing play on it without the shuffle so I could experience them shifting in the order they were meant to. We’d tried our best to make sure they flowed easily, while also making each distinct.

Why? I could just listen to the super-secret one. It’s the only one I was forbidden from listening too.

Sometimes I just felt like being a little difficult. I could guess that he was rolling his eyes at me.

Just do it.

please

Even though I knew I was already listening the guilt still hit me, making me want to start something I was already doing. He’d been using please a lot lately and eliciting that feeling from me.

You know I already am. Will report back soon

After that, I exited the app and restarted the first song. Leaning back in my chair I relaxed, focusing solely on the music filling my studio. It was the softest of the songs we’d worked on, but still couldn’t be considered soft. The bass alone ensured that.

One song poured into the other and each one growing a little more in its intensity. He was pouring out his feelings, but none of them were on the level that the first Agust D mini; thankfully.

Hearing them while not in the studio making them made them sound different. I was less worried about picking things apart and could actually enjoy them. When it came to the end I was kind of sad it was over, but I also knew I had one more song left. The one I’d been banned from hearing.

There was a long pause and then a very soft sound started playing. It sounded like the piano and after several seconds it was confirmed. It was very beautiful and I got wrapped up in it as it continued on with nothing else. What shocked me was that as it grew softer again the sound of a cello rang out. They paired together and played off one another. Though it wasn’t something to be terribly shocked by, it was the fact that the piece playing was by me. I’d allowed him a few of my recorded pieces to hold on to.

As I pulled myself together, I realized that it had gone on well over a minute with nothing besides the instruments. Unlocking the phone and glancing down at the time total I gawked at the nearly six-minute length.

“Holy shit.”

I wanted to message him and question it, but remained still and listened. After several more moments, there was a throat clear, but before I could question its place there was singing. It was soft and a bit rough, but it worked well.

Yoongi’s voice fills the space after, his style of rap soft and a little rough; almost singing.

You don’t expect them to step in

Alter your feelings and your focus

Make you feel different

Realize you’re whole

That they weren’t the cause

but they complimented it

That you loving yourself worked

And now as you love them it’s pure

Not you becoming dependent

Like you were before

It went on and I just sat there opened mouth. The lyrics were surprising and vastly different from the rest of the mini. Those coupled with the beautiful instruments in the background brought me to tears.

After the song ended and the mini restarted it took a bit to collect myself. Once I did, I remembered I was to report back. The group chat was on fire, everyone announcing how much they loved it. I came in just as they were getting into the bonus track.

Kook: So that’s the track you were hiding?

Jimin: It was different and so good

Hobi: Told you it would be

Hobi: His inspo was too strong. Speaking of

He must have pressed send before he could finish it, which gave me time to slide in before he could finish. Ever since we’d talked about the whole awkwardness he’d been laying on the implications thick. It was worse when they’d come back to the states for some shows. I’d been bombarded that morning about finishing work early and coming to hang out with them.

It was great. I’m a little biased, but everything sounded better than I imagined it did. And the bonus song is great, I didn’t know you were going to use the cello piece.

Hoseok’s typing stopped and that made me feel better, but then Yoongi started.

It just felt right.

Not a word else was said and no one appeared to be typing anything. I had no clue how to proceed, my feelings about the last song hadn’t even processed yet. And they were taking longer since Hoseok mentioned Yoongi’s inspiration. I was never one to assume something like that was a grand gesture for me, but the thought had planted itself in my head.

Joon: Anyways… Yoongi went live and that’s why he’s quiet. And stay off Twitter Ken, it’s not as bad as before but the bad always seem to climb to the top of your mentions.

Part of me wanted to look, but I decided against it.

I will. Got some things to work on so I can leave.

With that, I sat my phone down and turned back to the paperwork in front of me. It was a large stack, the sudden change to the contract having come in a week ago. It was a lot and very different from what I expected when I started the process, it made me so excited though. It was a new chapter and a great step.

I made sure both copies were signed and then closed it back. Just as I finished my door was opened and in came Marcus; he looked stressed.

“Did you finish?” he asked.

“Yeah, but uh are you okay?”

He nodded, expression unchanging. After a moment he sighed and I could see the tired in his eyes. “Yeah. Well, I will be. Just a lot going on with work and other things, so I’m trying to stay on top of it. Just a few more things today and then I’ll be clear for a reasonably calm weekend.”

Part of me wanted to press, but I knew well enough that holding him up would make the anxiety he was probably feeling worse.

I handed him the papers and with a quick bye he was off and I was alone again. My eyes glanced to the phone, but instead of picking it up I just stared.

All that I could think about was the song. With the instrumental alone it spoke to me. The piece that was used had been a random mish-mash of some other pieces I’d been practicing. I’d wanted to pair it with another string eventually, but hearing it with a piano felt so right.

And then there were the words. They spoke to me as a person who wasn’t into the chaoticness of love and relationships. Being comfortable with myself and being able to care for another was all I ever wanted. I’d experienced not being able to profess my self-love and worthy and loving another so wholly. It wasn’t the wrong way per se, and I learned to accept me during the relationship's duration but it always felt like I was putting in so much work to make us both happy.

The final nail in the coffin for it was the possibility that it could be in reference to me. He could have been talking about anything or past experiences, but he hadn’t let me see any of it. I’d almost heard a single second of it one day and he nearly had a fit.

Groaning, I rested my head on the desk. We really needed to talk. The longer I was left unsure the more my mind raced and lingered on things that I would normally brush over.

So after several minutes of agitation, I came to the conclusion to wait until his live was over and then see if we could meet that day.

Grabbing my phone I unlocked it and went to the Vlive to watch. He’d been on for a bit and seemed to not stopping anytime soon, so I just sat and watched.

He was chatting animatedly with those in the chat about the mini. How he’d decided he wanted to do another one and how to proceed with it. Everyone appeared to be happy and loving it. Many saying that they were still playing it in the background as they watched him.

“Well, once I had some lyrics and an idea I talked to Joon and he recommended Sailor V or Kendall as many of you know. I loved what they did for his song so I got in contact. Things worked so well and I’m very proud of where we got the songs. She worked on every song, even the last one even though she wasn’t allowed to hear it until today. The strings you hear is her playing the cello.”

The bonus track was so good

i lovved the whole mini

The cello sounded good w/ piano

she plays cello!??!??!

why not just have Adora help

IT WAS SOOOOO GOOD. WILL WE EVER GET THAT SONG LIVE?

I knew he saw the comment about having Adora produce with him, it was the way his lips almost pushed down into a frown. He played it off well though.

“Live? Well, that would be up to, Kendall. She loved the song, but she might still be a little miffed that I wouldn’t let her here it all these months.”

He wasn’t wrong. I was feeling salty about that.

Adora could have helped

please get her to do it, it would be awesome

Why didn’t you just work with Joon?

it would have been just as good if not better with Slow Rabbit pd

Stop being mean about Kendall. She did good and seems nice

Do you think Yoongi wants to see hate to his friend

“I really don’t,” he said.

It was an obvious mistake on his part, but that didn’t stop him from running with it. I think he’d reached a new level of fed up.

“Kendall has been a great help to me and a great friend. She’s accepted this project and my friendship all while knowing how chaotic some can get with hate and accusations. When it hate and messed up comments came her way she stayed, when we all would have understood her dropping out. She’s helped so much with the direction of the mini. Made sure to accommodate me, while also pushing me on things when I’m refusing. She’s been a great friend to me and the other guys. Nothing she’s done has warranted this hate.”

He paused, closing his eyes and I thought he was done. I was very wrong.

“For you all to sit here and disrespect her because of her race or getting close to us or even rumors of us dating isn’t okay. She is undeserving of the hate. And you show your true nature when you attack her for these things. If me possibly dating someone or getting close to a woman bothers you so much, then that’s a problem. I’m a human being and I’m allowed to experience happiness whether it be platonic or romantic.”

Another pause and this time his hand moved towards the screen as if he were going to end the live. “Please think about your behavior. No one should be attacked for something like this. It’s not what we as artists stand for.”

And just like that he was gone. There had been a flurry of pleadings to not leave yet before the screen shifted, but obviously he hadn’t heeded them.

A good chunk of me felt bad, I didn’t know if what he’d just done was okay. It was rare for artists to call out their fans, even when it needed to happen; like during fan wars. But part of me felt relieved and that Bang wouldn’t be too bothered. He’d shown that his own tolerance for nonsense was waning over the last year or so. Call outs and lawsuits came real quick.

I waited a few minutes and then called him, hoping he was alone and didn’t need to rush to do anything.

“Hi,” I said when he finally picked up.

“Hey,” his responded, voice gruff and clearly annoyed.

For a moment I remained silent, knowing what I wanted to say but unsure of how to say it.

“So I saw the live, well the last chunk of it. I’m sorry it was tainted by weirdos, trolls, and antis. Today was supposed to be a great day for you.”

He sighed, so loud that it made me jump and pull the phone away from my ear for a second.

“It’s… it’s fine. I expected them. It was just going so well and I just kind of forgot. And I’m just so frustrated so everything spilled out. So much build-up and I just feel like I can’t get it all out. I’m tired of holding in all these emotions. I just…” he trailed off.

The longer it was silent the more my stomach began to churn in discomfort. He sounded how I felt and I wasn’t even a hundred percent sure that his little tangent was about us. It felt like there was nothing I thought I could offer in the moment. Any words of comfort I could give seemed futile.

“You just what?” I tried to ask gently.

Another sigh and then the line went dead silent. Pulling the phone from my ear I noticed he’d hung up. My mouth went wide, shocked that he’d just leave it like that. I had no clue what the hell I did to deserve such swift dismissal.

Before I could figure out how to proceed my phone vibrated and then a message appeared on my screen.

Please meet me at Hals

#min yoongi #yoongi #suga #min suga #original character #oc #producer!oc #writer!oc #yoongixoc #sugaxoc #yoongi fanfic #suga fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts fanfic #kpop fanfic #kpop fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #BANGTANARMYNET

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mini-pretzel · 6 years ago

Note

alright dude yea EVERY NUMBER FOR SWEETHEART ASKS

… what have i signed up for?

//cracks knuckles

grab a juice box, grab a snack.

we’ll be here for a while. what have i gotten myself into

1. Talk about your first love.

oh jesus. i actually recently found my old journal lol

from way back when. 2009 i think? i was 13 or some shit. jesus. ok. so my first love was actually over the internet.

yeah, i know. nowadays we’re spoiled with tinder n shit, but back in 2009, all we had was myspace and msn and i met this fucker on skype.

i was so ahead of my time.

anyway, it was october 25, 2009.

here’s a snippet from my journal entry:

well i met a guy on skype. he’s a month younger cause my b-day is on oct 14 and his is on nov 18. but i don’t mind it.

yoooo i was into younger guys even at 13, jfc hahhaa //kill me jk hmu

and then on the next page hahahhaa omg

december 2, 2009

well me and ___ are no longer together. well we never began. he broke my heart two times already. going in depression. please don’t bother. first love, ha!

omfg damn, two months. yeah, that lasted long. also old me: ur so dramatic lol

also i was a feisty lil fella, jeez.

2. What’s the most beautiful songs you’ve ever heard in your opinion?

this one

3. How’s your heart feeling right now?

a lil stressed. im like, hoping i can get through all of these questions without my computer crashing. pray 4 me.

4. What kind of self care is your favorite to do?

ok, first thing to note, i fucking love self care. like, too much if im honest.

baths with bubbles and nice smelling scents, lotions, a face mask, taking my time with washing my face and hair and putting on the cutest clothes after. also snacks, always snacks.

when im feeling like spending money: massage. full body. best thing ever. i treat myself to it at least once a year for my b-day.

5. What’s your skincare routine?

ok so i just got a new skincare line. it’s from nature republic. i have a cleanser, a toner and a moisturizer. it’s fairly simple (unlike 9 steps in korean ahhahha, but like i’ll probably get there in time) also i have a peel mask that smells like bananas that i put on twice a week to get rid of dead skin cells. oh and sometimes i do korean face masks, too.

6. How did you get to be so beautiful?

answered that q here

7. Do you have any stuffed animals?

NO! //hides them all away

8. Best trip you’ve ever been on?

thailand. my parents took me w/ them on their honeymoon.

lol idek why either. trust me.

i was just there for the swimming, riding elephants, getting food poisoning and downing two banana splits in one afternoon. good times.

9. Favorite thing about your room?

i live in a jungle. but also in an art gallery cause my mom buys paintings online and resells them, but it’s become such a habit for her they are literally EVERYWHEREE I CANNOT.

also sorry mom i keep forgetting to water the GAZILLION plants THAT YOU HAVE MOVED INTO MY ROOM FOR SOME REASON. they’ll be dead by the time ur home. srry ilyyyyy.

also tae hmu if u want some paintings. i got way too many.

10. Opinion on love?

dude. idk. i mean. it’s definitely not something one can describe easily or fully grasp.

im still waiting for my big love to come along, so like, we can talk about that when we get there.

otherwise, i’ll say this quote that i heard in a song:

give your heart, but keep your head.

11. Are you affectionate?

with certain people. im weird.

with some people im like no, don’t touch me pls. i bite and scratch.

and with others you cannot get them out of my death love grip.

12. Who do you look up to?

i look up to bts a lot. they’re doing a lot of good and they’re very respectable artists.

but i also look up to a lot of writers on here because i want to create worlds and writings like them. i won’t tag them cause rip them trying to find why i tagged them in this long ass post haha.

13. Favorite poet?

@psycho-slytherin

lol sorry bae

ur gonna have to scroll to find out why i tagged u. and then go red and yell at me. hahah.

i also like silentium! by Fyodor Tyutchev

also everything by pushkin (esp ‘i loved you’ fuck that one gets me every time). seriously. that man isn’t called the golden poet in our country for nothing.

i actually don’t read a lot of poetry nowadays unless its my own or my friends’

but im open to recommendations

14. Song that makes you happy? How about one that calms you down when you’re in a bad place?

answered here!

15. Do you play an instrument?

lol no. i was almost taught the piano (lol rip me, i wanna kill my younger lazy ass self) and i dabbled into learning the violin. but that’s like a whole story and a half hahahaha.

16. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)?

i used to pencil draw, nothing special tho. a lot of naked ppl lol. butts n boobs were my fave. also pecks whoo.

17. Do you dance? What style of dance?

i don’t! but i want to. i’ve been looking into dancing schools. i might do hip hop n stuff. see if i have the rhythm, i can’t tell from just jumping around my room lol

18. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology?

im a libra yo. diplomatic and indecisive af.

i kinda do? there’s some sense there, but it’s too vague. i think ppl need to look into their charts to really grasp their character.

and for some it may not be true at all, so like. idk. we’re all just doing our best here.

19. Favorite old film?

a russian film that i always watch over the new year. my mom would always joke that the new year doesn’t start till we watch it lol

the irony of fate

20. What’s your hairstyle?

idk

tell

21. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion?

cloudy but warm. so there’s not too much sun but u can enjoy a nice walk outside without getting rained on.

22. What upsets you most about the world?

i only have two hands but there are so many cats and dogs. i cannot pet all of them.

23. Are you in love right now?

answered ;)

24. Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them!

here u go

25. Do you have pets? Talk about something sweet about them!

i don’t! but i wish i did i would shower them with my love.

but @the-trth-untold dogs are the cutest and @psycho-slytherin cats make my day. pls spam meeeee. also i love @paristae cat too.

26. Do you have a lucky number?

yup. 22.

27. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash?

i’ve never seen a fallen star, so no.

but i’ve wished on a fallen eyelash, always.

28. Do you believe emoji spells to work?

emoji spells??

bruh i’ve never even heard of it till this ask wtf is that shit

bruh i mean if it works for ppl all power to them??? idk i never tried it

29. Do you believe in magic in general?

i believe in magic tricks. but magic died for me when santa stopped existing.

30. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion?

here

31. Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue?

gorgeous colors. i quite like mauve pink and deep dark blue tho.

but baby blue looks amazing on some folks. oof.

32. What instrumental sound is your favorite?

piano. always.

33. Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain?

answered :)

34. Who makes you happy?

bts and all of my mutuals

35. What makes you happy?

sleep, food, music, writing, cuddles. and forehead kisses.

also more listed here

36. Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like?

i live in a nice apartment. doesn’t have to be expensive, just nice and clean with wooden floors and spacious windows.

i have all the necessities that i need and im never lonely.

i have also touched countless hearts by my books and am able to live comfortably just from my works.

haha. you said ideal, right?

also have someone to spend it with. someone i’d write poetry about daily. a bestfriend first and foremost before a lover.

37. Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup?

answered this fella here

38. Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own?

i used to have dresses. but not anymore.

i liked the long sleeve sweater black one i had with a low cut. it was gorgeous. i dont have much of boobage but i always felt like i was sexy in it.

39. Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it?

yep. you just kind of take it one day at a time. some days will be better than the last. some days you’ll cry a little harder and some days you move on a little further. it takes time. make sure you have good people around you so you don’t fall into depression.

40. Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them?

ah, to be honest i don’t have a closest friend. i’ve always been the kind of person that always had friends around her but never anyone too deep. and i kinda wish i did. i just don’t know who would come to fill that spot. people always leave, so i kind of gave up assigning that spot. i think the people that want to be in that spot will show themselves and tell me. otherwise i will not assume or assign.

41. Introvert or extrovert?

introvert. but i have my moments. i can be charming and friendly when i want to.

42. Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI?

i had to look it up cause i forgot what it was lol

i took the test a while back: im infp.

there’s not a lot of us, apparently. which is cool. shout out to all infps out there!

43. Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, or an angel?

hmmm. what kind of fairy tho? lol

maybe vampire? idk i’d be a sexy immortal lady that’d bite innocent boys and girls that just want to have a good time lol

44. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you?

this oneee

45. Parlez-vous français?

no~

46. Most beautiful place you’ve been to?

butchart gardens

47. Where/when do you truly feel at home?

here

48. Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is gorgeous!

kdjfalkfjdlkdsaf //hides

this ask is flirting with me…

well that’s as much action as im going to get this new years eve lol

49. Favorite shoe you own?

my sweet rose gold kicks, yo.

50. Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them?

lol no. i cannot. and i do not. im not made for heels. im tall enough as it is.

51. Do you feel loved?

every time i talk to my mutuals yes //cry

52. How do you express love to those you care about?

by saying cute words and by clinging to them like a koala.

53. Favorite term(s) of endearment?

sweetheart, dear, idk im just like anything honestly. love, baby. go crazy.

i also love mean terms like idiot and stuff. or nicknames that hold inside jokes, something between the two of you only.

54. Most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you?

hasn’t happened yet. so yeah. any takers? lol

55. When is the happiest you’ve ever been?

reading a good book for the first time. or just experiencing something new that i end up loving for the first time. nothing can replace that first feeling.

56. Are you happy right now?

happy im almost done hahhahahahaa. ha.

no but srsly i am

57. What makes you smile?

stupid jokes. puns. someone laughing and showing themselves fully.

58. Do you laugh a lot?

i mean. i think so? i try. i make jokes a lot and laugh at myself if that counts?

59. What’s your favorite kind of aesthetic?

ughhhh comfy bf aestheticcc

60. Do you want to marry for love or for some other reason (like money)?

i have a sour view on marriage. so only if i love someone hard enough. but even then i don’t know if i’ll do it. it hurts too much to think about marriage and wedding rings for me.

61. What would your dream wedding look like? Do you want to get married?

see above.

62. Favorite flower?

orchid.

63. Favorite artist?

claude monet.

64. Favorite music artist?

bts lol

no surprises there.

65. How kind do you think you are? Is kindness important to you?

its not something for me to decide. i try to be kind to everyone, but how it is interpreted is different for everyone. i’d like to think i’m kind.

and yes, very important. especially being kind to yourself.

66. Ever made a playlist for someone?

yes i have. i love making playlists for people. i don’t get asked that enough.

67. Do you have anything you do to physically comfort you when your sad? Such as a favorite blanket? Or a relaxing bath?

music. music always helps. and tea.

ideally i’d love for someone to massage my scalp, but hahah no one’s been able to do it the right way. when it’s done right i melt and forget about everything.

68. Early bird or night owl?

night owl.

moonchild, lol

69. Morning routine?

wake up, look in the mirror, look away from the mirror, go back to bed.

70. Night routine?

SHOWER N NICE SMELLING LOTIONS. AND SKINCAREEEEEE OOOOF.

also fresh sheets.

71. What is the most lovely quality a person could have in your opinion?

answered here

72. Do you cry often? Does crying help you get the emotions out? Do you feel better after?

i only cry when i watch or read something. and it does help. i always feel better after. but i tend to keep my emotions hidden away, the negative ones at least.

73. Do you like hugs?

i love hugs. come hug me, bro.

u must smell nice tho.

74. When was the last time you kissed someone?

august.

75. Are you small or tall?

tall. 175cm.

76. Do you like wholesome memes?

answered

77. Favorite thing about the past?

cd players. chia pet commercials. flip phones. mom jeans.

78. Do you ever wonder about the future?

all the time. esp mine. i have no idea what the fuck im doing.

79. Have you ever lived in a different country than you currently live in?

yep. i’ve lived in america and canada before. and traveled a lot.

80. Do you like plane flights? Airports?

i don’t mind flying. and depends on the airport. some are better than others.

81. Sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises. every day is a new day~

82. The beach or a forest?

bitch- i mean beach. :)

83. What time of day do you tend to be in the best mood?

any time i am eating. or sleeping. or reading.

im so close to being done omg. this is fun tho.

84. Do you push yourself to act together and in a good mood even when you aren’t?

always. ain’t nobody gonna deal with that baggage lol

85. Favorite kind of tree?

japanese maple tree

86. Do you care about the health of the Earth?

i mean i don’t even care about my health that much tbh, i need to work on that.

87. What did you like most about your childhood, if anything?

that i got to travel and learned english very young.

88. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book?

answered here

89. What are you most nostalgic for at the moment?

old school disney

90. What’s your favorite personality trait you have?

answered this bad boi here

91. List at least ONE thing you love about your appearance.

eyes. have to work on my ass tho. squats baby.

92. When was the last time you truly felt calm, without much of anything to worry about?

after a massage.

93. Do you worry a lot?

eh, i worry enough, i suppose. there’s just some stuff you can’t control.

94. The dazzling lights of the city or the relaxing countryside?

dazzling lights of the city. especially in the evening. and in the winter. ahhhhh. someone hold my hand and walk with meeeeee.

95. Ever changed the shoelaces on one of your shoes? For what reason?

no i haven’t had that pleasure, lol

maybe next year

96. Favorite pastry?

BUTTER. CROISSANT.

97. Do you like doing little acts of kindness?

yes. uwu

98. How’s your day/night going?

well im finally done with this ask holy shit, and i need to resume writing my namjoon fic so… fantastic. i also have noodles. whoooo.

thank you for reading this whole damn mess of an ask.

ily

#ask #asks #the-trth-untold #klsfjflksa #omg i can't believe i did all of that #holy shit #lkdsjflkda #about #seriously

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aion-rsa · 3 years ago

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Donuts & Demons: Ryka Aoki’s Light from Uncommon Stars

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Shizuka Satomi, a violin teacher known as the Queen of Hell, owes one more soul to demons due to an infernal bargain she struck. Young violinist Katrina Nguyen needs to escape her homelife, where her transness is rejected by her family, and to start anew, hopefully making videos with her music. And Lan Tran and her crew are striving to build a stargate—before the Galactic Empire falls to the Endplauge—while selling donuts at Starrgate Donuts in Los Angeles. Light from Uncommon Stars is the story of how these three women’s lives intersect, and is a novel filled to the brim with music so beautifully described, readers can almost hear it in the narrative.

Katrina opens the novel with her flight and her passion for music; Shizuka comes in quickly after with her soul-contract deadline and her desire to find one last musician to condemn to hell. When readers first encounter Lan and her alien crew, they may wonder how author Ryka Aoki can pull off a story that is at once soul-bargaining-with-demons and refugee-aliens-building-a-stargate. But as the story progresses, the themes and characters dovetail together so beautifully that readers will wonder how they ever doubted.

Aoki explores what it means to be human, the nature of souls, and the importance of hope and love even in the face of what may seem hopeless, filling the novel with both good humor and acknowledgment of suffering. There is pain, and yet a sense that better things are to come. The love and care with which the characters imbue parts of their lives—whether it’s the music they play, the instruments they shape, or the food they create—gains a greater meaning by virtue of that love. The result is an incredibly powerful story of hope and redemption, of small voices shouting into dissonance and being heard. Ahead of the novel’s September 28th release, Den of Geek had the chance to pick Aoki’s brain about how this novel came together, and insights into her inspiration…

Den of Geek: First, what brought together the two very different speculative fiction tropes—soul-bargaining and stargates—together into the same story for you? How did you create a universe in your head where both things worked without contradicting each other?

Ryka Aoki: I respect both science fiction and fantasy, but I had honest intentions and reasons to mix them in Light from Uncommon Stars. I was a little bit worried about how people would accept this—or not. But I’ve been thrilled with how readers have embraced and accepted this book.

I think this book might resonate with readers because we all hold seeming contradictions. In the book, Shizuka Satomi mentions how great pieces of music contain such different-sounding sections and movements. And, as music reflects the soul, doesn’t that say something about us, and our own shifting arrays of motifs and counterpoints?

In my case, being of Japanese descent, and being queer, and being trans, means that I play a lot of different things to a lot of different worlds. Yet working toward true acceptance and love of self can be like composing your own sonata—you’re striving to express and share your entire music. The person who I am with my family lives in a different world than the person who teaches English and Critical Thinking. And that person seems very different from the writer, or the martial artist.

And yet, I don’t feel fragmented. I feel pretty whole.

And so, when I wrote Light from Uncommon Stars, I always had faith that it would work out, somehow—because I worked out, somehow.

(At least I’d like to think so…)

Demon Tremon Philippe and Shizuka’s relationship may bring to mind more of Mephistopheles and Faust than the devil at the crossroads. But there is a long tradition of musicians trading souls for greatness, brought into American folklore via blues musicians, who may have drawn on tales of Papa Legba rather than the European devil-bargaining stories. In the novel, you’ve brought many cultural traditions into play—where did you start from in the soul-selling elements? What did you borrow from earlier tales, and what did you invent whole cloth?

Thank you for asking this question because it lets me talk about another tradition. The early days of Internet message boards were the first time ever that trans people could speak freely yet relatively anonymously with people like them around the world. In fact, one of my dearest friends had such a board and they live in Iceland. We needed each other. We helped each other go through some horrible times… But there were also some goofy and fun times come as well—it was the first time that we realized that we’re all a bunch of science fiction and fantasy geeks. I mean, anywhere we can dream, right?

And I remember at the time being struck by how many trans women had created their own creation myths, to explain how their soul was placed in this other body. Many religions ignore trans people. Yet to know where one came from—and why—is a necessary question for many human beings.

In these stories, and the discussion surrounding them, there was much talk about having the soul of a woman, or the soul of a man if one were a trans man. “Do you have a female soul?” was a very relevant question to those with trans binary identities. (Discussions of nonbinary identities and gender fluidity were happening as well—entire vocabularies were being invented. Those were some exciting times.)

I think that even now many trans women, perhaps when first trying to make sense of who they are, still ask themselves this question.

And so, the cursed Shizuka Satomi, precisely because she is so focused on acquiring souls that she finds bodies irrelevant—offers Katrina the space and place to find her answers.

The descriptions and understanding of music and violins—and violin competitions—in the story are tangible. What is your music background?

I love writing music. I used to play in a band, and when I do my spoken word pieces, I compose all my own soundtracks. My main instrument is the piano, but I also play guitar, and some flute, and harmonica. For the most part, I am self-taught. However, I’ve been taking lessons for the past couple of years with a wonderful piano teacher—the irony is because I’m promoting this book, I’m on a brief hiatus from that.

However, I had no idea how to play the violin. I remember the first time I went into a violin shop. There were violins, but violins of different sizes, and cellos and violas and basses, and I was laughing to myself that I have no idea how to make music with any of this. I couldn’t put a tune together with one of these instruments to save my own life.

I did manage to teach myself some violin. And I really love the instrument. I have an acoustic violin from eBay, and I also have an electric violin now. This Christmas season, I am looking forward to jamming to some holiday music. We may never be ready for a committed relationship, but the violin and I have become good friends.

So, although I didn’t grow up in violin culture, as I researched violin culture, I found many parallels with a culture that I was familiar with—martial arts. Like many communities with overachieving children and parents with unrequited dreams, I found that in violin competitions, it was sometimes difficult to tell which was more important, the violin or the competition. This was so much like what I had seen as an annoying little martial arts kid. And so, those were the experiences upon which I drew.

The posturing, the pressure, the mind games…the nausea in the bathroom…so different, but not so different at all.

In addition to being a writer, you are a teacher. Are any of your own feelings about teaching reflected in Shizuka’s feelings about mentoring?

*giggle* ALL of them…the good, the bad, the obsessive, the self-serving, and the hopeful.

This novel felt, in many ways, like a pandemic novel–in a situation that should be full of hopelessness (the Endplague, a coming soul-deadline), there’s still this tonal quality, even in the early pages, that things will turn out right, even if we have no idea how that will happen. Was any part of the novel written during the pandemic? Do you see it differently now that it’s coming out as we’re still dealing with the coronavirus?

During the first few months of pandemic, most of the novel had already been written, and we were deep in edits. I was pushing so hard to get my story just right that the first part of the lockdown went by unnoticed. Plot hole here, inconsistency there…even without a lockdown, I don’t think I would have gone out, anyway.

These days, I’m feeling the pandemic more, especially because this is when I was to tour, sign books, and meet people in person. And, as I engage with the lockdown more actively, I do notice how the pandemic does seem to echo the themes of the Endplague. Although Covid-19 did not inspire the Endplague, I based the Endplague on how civilizations can often fall, not from outside cataclysms themselves, but from the conflicts and fissures they cause their populace…and a collective loss of hope.

In the book, without going into too many spoilers, Lan and her family come from a very advanced civilization that has conquered many diseases and social ills, but is still battling with divisions, suspicions, and fatalism.

Looking around at world today, the parallels are hard to escape.

Late in the novel, you use Bartók as a way of framing and understanding transness in a beautiful way. Could you talk about the theme of Katrina finding her voice through the violin, and about how music and self-intertwine in the novel?

Provided the instrument is well-maintained, when you play the piano, you’ll automatically play in tune. A violin can be perfectly in tune, but that is far from enough—you need to be in tune with yourself.

Furthermore, when I actually played the violin, I learned that certain notes resonate very well with other strings. In fact, sympathetic resonance is one way that a student can know if she’s in tune. If we listen for the resonances, we can feel the entire violin glow. There’s no better way to say it—it seems like the instrument glows.

This is very important to Katrina’s development, for human voices—and human souls—don’t have keys, or even frets, either. And when you’re playing in tune with yourself and others, you do get this internal glow. I think feeling this is very important to Katrina. It gives her security, weaves her into the songs of others.

But we are not always in harmony, nor should we be. Sometimes, our true songs are dissonant, or expressed in notes between notes. At that point, for all the rest of the world knows, your composition is wrong, or your intonation sucks. So, when your own music is so insistent, yet so at odds with what people expect—what do you do? Well, there goes Bartók.

There is a difference between playing with people in harmony and speaking to them in melody, after all. What does this mean for Katrina?

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

I think I’ll just leave it there.

Starrgate Donuts cannot fulfil online orders for their delicious donuts, unfortunately, as it is fictional, and videos of Shizuka Satomi’s performances are still not available to watch, due to interference from demonic forces, but Light from Uncommon Stars is available at bookstores everywhere on September 28, 2021. Find out more here.

The post Donuts & Demons: Ryka Aoki’s Light from Uncommon Stars appeared first on Den of Geek.

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mdwatchestv · 7 years ago

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Westworld 2x02: I Am Never Learning Character Names

Wow I don’t know about you, but I was surprised by how many of my questions from episode one were addressed! Kind of refreshing how forthcoming this season is with explanation and backstory, I have a clear picture of what to expect from this show moving forward!

Jk lol I have no idea what the fuck is going on. Not only do we have zero answers, but we have at least one (possibly two) additional timelines to contend with. I don’t know if it was intensely noticeable but most of my show recaps I just wing from memory, if I don’t remember it, might as well not have happened. Not so here my friends! I have written detailed notes. God this show is so impenetrable, maybe if I just make this whole blog an introduction no one will notice.

Okay so this episode starts with Dolores breaching the Westworld control center immediately (?) after the massacre that ended last season. Westworld workers don’t believe a panicked guest that they are under attack, causing one to yell out towards the commotion in the hall “Hey, is there some kind of trouble out there?” Out of all the things that have happened on Westword, that line of dialogue was honestly the most egregious. I can’t let it go. Anyway there is trouble out there, and it’s Dolores coming to kill everyone. With her is poor Teddy who is finally seeing behind the curtain and he is SHOOK UP. Teddy is not ready for this jelly, for any jelly (more on this later). Dolores tells the guest who questions her ability to take over the “real”, world that she is more than suited to lay waste to “our” world because she remembers it, she’s seen it before. Or has she?

Cue another timeline. In this flashback, we see Arnold (human Arnold) talking to Dolores in an ultra modern Hong Kong-ish city. Have you ever seen anything so full of splendor? Arnold argues with a much younger Ford that Dolores isn’t ready for something (we will soon see what that is). Arnold then takes Dolores across the city to see the foundations of a home he is intending to build for his family to be “closer to work”. Later in this same timeline, or at least this same world, we see our old friends Ben Barnes and Jimmi Simpson pre their own Westworld experience. Ben Barnes, son of the head of Delos, is being courted by the Argos Initiative (another corporate name to learn) whose representatives are Zahn McClarnon (from Fargo! and pretty obviously a host) and Talulah Riley (known host).

I’d like to pause my recap here to call out my absolute favorite thing about Westworld, and that is its music. To me nothing better encapsulates the thematic soul of the show than Ramin Djawadi’s beautiful re-workings of pop songs. They are both familiar, and strange, both closely nostalgic and tantalizingly out of reach. What a purely delightful moment to realize season one’s bank heist was set to a swelling orchestral Paint It Black. What better way to underscore a series about a world like our own, but not quite; people who are like us, but not really. This is all to say that when that first high C note rang out during this scene it was immediately transporting, like an audible firework. The artist of that particular piece is not having the best time saying... ideas at the moment.... but this instrumental cover of Runaway was absolutely gorgeous and I loved it! It’s on Spotify if you want to relive in your car.

Okay back to Ben Barnes. Zahn and Talulah take Ben to a room filled with guests, telling him this is his private demonstration of their tech, and his job is to spot the “robot” in the group. As we’ve already guessed, there is not one host, but rather everyone in the room, including Talulah and Zahn, are hosts. We noticeably see the ill-fated Clementine at the piano, and Jonathan Tucker (!!) amongst the crowd. Ben Barnes is floored, and Delos’ interest in the business is fatefully sealed. The deal is christened by Ben Barnes sleeping with Talulah (and others), and we see what it really was Arnold was protecting Dolores from.

Theory alert: This timeline is presented to us as being in the ‘real’ world, we see a glittering city, and presumably this is what current-day Dolores is referring to when she says that she has seen “our” world. My theory is that this is NOT actually “our” world but rather another park, or discreet Argos Initiative bunker/illusion/subspace. For one thing the city, although massive, has no recognizable landmarks, and is clearly not meant to be recognized. For another we know that Jimmi Simpson and Ben Barnes were explicitly invited for a demonstration, whether that was to the club they were hanging out at, or a larger space is not made clear. Argos has also brought a great number of their highly-profitable and (up until that part) confidential tech to this space, which would be risky to transport. Arnold also describes the city as eventually not looking like anything, which feels very close to the wording “it doesn’t look like anything to me.” The explanation he has of building his house “closer to work” also felt a bit cryptic. Also later in the episode when we see the palm tree laden Delos estate, there is a very similar looking city across a body water. Feels suspish!

ALTERNATIVELY the city also feels a bit futuristic, and the fact that it’s unidentifiable could mean that Westworld is taking place in a future time period OR a radically different “real” world than ours. Ben Barnes comments that “we aren’t here yet” with tech, which feels like he is living in a world similar to ours. But we haven’t had any experience with the world outside Westworld and of course assumed it was like ours, but what if it’s not????

Also while we are wiggling around in the past let’s hit up the throwback scene where Jimmi Simpson (now jaded and on his way to blackhatdom) pitches Westworld to his father-in-law, the supremely enjoyable Peter Mullan. Jimmi Simpson claims that Westorld is more than just a diversion, but rather a way to delve people’s darkest desires, to see what it is they really want. This scene raises the question - what is it that Delos wants? Is there interest in the park purely for market research, or is there something more nefarious? There are all sorts of ways that learning about wealthy people’s secrets could be profitable after all. The question of what it is that Delos wants is also amplified by the fact that we know in present day they are after the Westworld park code, so is there an even larger design at work? We are also treated to a flashback to Peter Mullan’s retirement slash Jimmi Simpson’s ascension party. There a piano-playing Dolores runs into a sloshed Ben Barnes, who is horrified and disgusted by whatever it is that Delos has planned for Westworld. If we know anything about our friend Mr. Barnes from his time in the park, his morals are more than a little loose- so to see his contempt for whatever it is that’s happening should be more than a little alarming.

Back in our more present day with BAMF Dolores, she learns from torturing an employee that Delos has sent an army of people after her and the other host rebels. So what does Dolores need? A bigger army. She sets off into the park to recruit hosts where she runs into Maeve and co on their own mission. Dolores tries to recruit Maeve, but Maeve says revenge is just another construct (which is weird because I thought she said all she wanted was revenge literally in the last episode but whatever) and thinks that Dolores’ bloody quest is worthless. This was in an interesting interaction and illustrated how these two hosts are responding differently to their “independence” (if either of them is really even acting independently). Dolores is seeking revenge and retribution against perceived wrong doing, while Maeve is using her consciousness to pursue her own desires. Which is the expression of true freedom, which is the more righteous path? These are the questions of Westworld.

The army Dolores has in mind are the Confederados of Westworld who are led by none other than our very own Jonathan Tucker! Dolores proves her might by shooting them all to death and then reviving their leader (Jonathan Tucker). By pulling back the veil of their perceived reality she proves herself to be the real deal and gains their allegiance. Teddy continues to be shooketh. In this episode especially we see that Teddy is really not Getting With The Program, which could be even more reason why Dolores perceives him as not able to go on to take over the “real” world aka drown-worthy. Dolores wants to take her army to a weapon she knows about at the edge the park (again the valley beyond). How does she know about the weapon? Because once again a man woke her up to monologue to her. Guys, you have GOT to stop doing this. This time the man was Jimmi Simpson, who I think mostly just wanted to see her naked, and also drop some exposition.

Speaking of Jimmi Simpson, his older iteration Ed Harris (The Man in Black) reunites with his lackey Clifton Collins, Jr. in the “present”, or sometime in the post-massacre park. He too is looking to recruit an army, and goes in search of El Lazo’s band of criminals (keep in mind Clifton Collins, Jr in some storylines was also El Lazo). There we are surprised to see the leader of this crew (the new El Lazo) is none other than Giancarlo Esposito! Giancarlo refuses to aid The Man in Black, instead he delivers a monologue about elephants. This little speech is about questioning ones own reality, but whether this is an instruction for The Man in Black (who is in a prison of his own making), or a warning about the hosts in the park (who have now pulled up their stakes) remains to be seen. He then tells The Man in Black this is a game he must play on his own, before he and all his men commit suicide. Chilling! This is all part of the game Ford has left for the Man in Black, clearly part of the end game is forcing The Man in Black to confront something solo. The Man in Black, like Dolores, is also seeking the thing he created years ago, something he says he never should have done, at the edge of the park So what is it?? Dolores thinks its a weapon, but I don’t think it’s quite so literal, maybe it’s more of an insurance policy? Could it be the a dam or water reserve that winds up flooding the park and killing most of the hosts? My brain is tired.

Questions:

What is it that Jimmi Simpson made and left in the park?

What are Delos’ true intentions with Westworld?

What or where is the city that we saw?

What is the geography of the parks? Are they all close together, or perhaps world over? Can one hop to the next?

What is Ford’s game for The Man in Black?

Did Dolores kill Teddy (i say yes)?

Are Maeve and Dolores really operating under their own free will? Or are they still playing out a narrative?

When will will this blog be over?

I can answer the last one, it’s now!

XO MD

#martha writes #westworld #westworld gifs #westworld spoilers #westworld recap #westworld theories #tv recaps #tv writing #tv reviews

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cwnannwn · 7 years ago

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Cold Mornings

Happy Holidays @respectabledeviant! I’m your Secret Santa, and this here’s my gift to you this year. I hope you like it!

Thank you very much for organizing this event @nootvanlis!

The biggest thanks to @sapphicmess and @melimegreenleaf for reading this one over in very short notice.

On AO3

Carmilla smiled sleepily to herself. Laura’s voice, beautiful and clear, carried a familiar tune over to their bedroom, mixed with the sound of wrapping paper. Probably fixing up the presents for later in the day. The sun had not yet come up in the cold christmas morning, stars shining in the clear night sky as Carmilla looked to their window. The peace of the moment, and Laura’s song, almost lulled Carmilla back to sleep, but she had an idea on her mind. Plus, she could never sleep well without Laura in her arms anyway.

Carmilla got up from the bed, humming the same melody as she leaned on the doorway, watching Laura in her pajamas pants and a Christmas sweater. Full of nervous energy, Laura moved boxes under her Christmas' tree.

Music, some said, was a gift from the divine, to mark the unbreakable connection between soulmates. Songs could only be heard once one loved, and was loved, by another. It had been one of Carmilla’s greatest frustrations. The workings of the instruments, how a piano made notes reach the air, how a violin or a guitar accomplished the same but in a different form, or so others told her, was something that fascinated Carmilla.

She had never heard a single note in her life. Until she had barged into the last available dorm room of an Austrian university of questionable quality. There she had seen the girl who would become her best friend, nose scrunched and face bunched in an adorable frown. “Who the hell are you?” Laura had demanded, and in those words, Carmilla heard a few timid notes, coming in from one of their neighbors down the hall.

Their relationship hadn’t exactly started off in the best way, but Carmilla wouldn’t change a thing. Every small gesture of care Laura made for her also made the notes slowly come together into a melody, a violin’s lone, beautiful sound, Carmilla had learned. And once Laura had taken her hand for an impromptu waltz in their dorm one late night in their second year, Carmilla heard a symphony guide their steps. The way Laura followed on time had given Carmilla so much hope. The kiss that followed made her heart jump on time too.

It hadn’t all been roses, of course. They were both very stubborn, and in those early days they had struggled to truly communicate with one another, but they learned, and their song grew with them.

“Carm, what are you doing up? Did I wake you? Sorry about that, I was just thinking about Mattie’s gift. Should we have gone with that chess set instead of the necklace? And shouldn’t the tree be a little closer to the window?”

Laura stepped in front of her. Blinking away the memories, Carmilla smiled while her wife rambled on. Mattie could be intimidating when she wanted to, which hadn’t worked so well on Laura. Things had been tense between them until a shared hatred of certain politicians had been discovered. After that, a friendship Carmilla was very thankful for had sprung up between her sister and Laura. It had also resulted in a weird gift-giving competition that Carmilla really didn’t want to get involved in.

“Don’t worry about it, liebling. And don’t worry about the gift or tree either, Mattie’s gonna love that necklace and the tree is fine where it is.”

Laura gave a shy smile, stepping closer to Carmilla. “I know baby. It’s our first christmas in this house, I just want it to be as good as it can be.”

Christmas was important for Laura, and Carmilla’s heart melted at how worried she sounded. She closed the small distance left between them, pulling Laura into a hug. They both relaxed immediately, even the cold being forgotten as the comfort and warmth of each other surpassed it. The song, their song, took a soft turn Carmilla loved more than almost any other part.

Carmilla held on tighter, arms around Laura’s middle, and said, “You’re here. That’s more than enough for a perfect christmas to me.”

Laura chuckled, hiding her face further in the crook of Carmilla’s neck. “You’re a softie.” She placed a gentle kiss on Carmilla’s neck. “My softie.”

Carmilla couldn’t help but giggle at that. “Yeah yeah, don’t let it get to your head. Now, how about we go back to bed, it’s far too cold to stay up.”

Laura nodded, but when she pulled back, there was a mischievous smile on her face. “Oh, and I’m sure we’re only going back to sleep, aren’t we?”

Carmilla’s answering smirk had the intended effect. She could feel Laura shivering in her arms, a soft sigh leaving her lips. Having such an effect on her wife never stopped making her proud. “I did think about using the gift we got for each other, but now I think I’d rather have breakfast in bed instead.”

Laura laughed at that. “And a dork, you’re also a dork.” Carmilla smiled brightly in answer. Dork or not, it did not stop Laura from leading them back to their bed. Or from kissing Carmilla deeply, as if they hadn’t been doing this just last night. Carmilla answered in kind, and soon enough, their clothes lay in a discarded pile on the floor, cold forgotten.

Carmilla pressed Laura down on their bed, lips only leaving Laura’s to start trailing down her neck and collarbone, biting and sucking bruises on her way down. She loved seeing the marks left on Laura’s skin after, a primal sense of pride awakened by them, and by the marks Laura left on her too. That was one of the best parts of winter, they could make as many hickeys on the other as they wanted, with no worries about teasing from their friends over it.

Laura’s hands tangled on Carmilla’s long hair, her small moans growing louder as Carmilla continued down, taking an already pebbled nipple into her mouth and sucking hard, her left hand pinching and rolling the other between thumb and forefinger.

“Carm.” Laura breathed her name like a prayer, in time with the melody running through Carmilla’s head, each of their moans and sighs adding to the music.

Carmilla could, and often did, play with Laura's breasts for a long time, making Laura beg for her fingers and mouth to go lower. But it was christmas, and she was feeling generous. She let go of the nipple, kissed the skin over Laura's heart tenderly, eyes never leaving Laura’s, and slowly made her way down.

She scratched Laura’s abs with blunt nails, enjoying the reaction that caused, before gripping Laura’s hips. Her wife’s legs opened wider for her, and Carmilla couldn’t help but lick her lips. Laura was already so wet. Carmilla lowered her head, about to take Laura’s clit into her mouth, but stopped short. The whine of frustration that caused made her smile. “Don’t look away from me, Laura.”

And with that, she dove in. Laura’s taste was heavenly on her tongue as she licked her from her clit to her entrance. Laura’s grip on her hair tightened to the point of almost hurting, but Carmilla didn’t care. Their shared soul song was reaching a crescendo as she took Laura’s clit into her mouth, lashing it with her tongue before grazing her teeth against the bundle of nerves. Laura’s moans were getting louder, and she nearly screamed Carmilla’s name when two fingers entered her, curling and pushing against the spot Carmilla knew drove Laura crazy.

Laura’s golden eyes were almost closed, but she didn’t look away from Carmilla once. Only when Carmilla judged it was enough, and sucked hard on Laura’s clit at the same time she curled her fingers inside her, only then did Laura throw her head back as she screamed her release, a chant of Carmilla’s name becoming the chorus of their music.

As the melody slowly dropped back to its normal tune, Carmilla helped Laura ride out the aftershocks, before pulling out of her and licking her fingers clean. That got a soft whine from Laura, which had Carmilla chuckling. She laid her head on Laura’s belly, kissing the mark there. Laura ran her hand through Carmilla’s dark locks, gently working out the tangles her grip had left there.

Soon enough Laura would get her breath back, and it would be her name waking up their neighbors as she drove Carmilla to the edge. But for now they both rested, the shared beat of their soul song saying everything without a word. Carmilla sighed in contentment, this was a perfect christmas morning.

#carmilla secret santa #Hollstein #carmilla #carmilla the series #my writing #carmilla fanfiction #hollstein fanfiction #soulmate au

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grimelords · 7 years ago

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Hello and god bless, I have finally finished my November playlist a week and a half into december. Disco, Guns N’ Roses, an entire doom metal album and everything in between. Please enjoy.

Extraball - Yuksek: Aside from the extremely nice electro bass I think what I appreciate most about this song is that the chorus seems like the sort of thing you could sing in a round, or as some kind of children’s clapping game.

Mirror Reaper - Bell Witch: Let me be the first to apologise for putting an 80 minute doom metal album as the second song on this playlist. I’m sorry. It was selfish and it won’t happen again. That said, please listen to this because it is transformative. I’ve listened this a lot this month and it’s really affected my mood I think. Doom metal is one of the only genres that takes itself seriously enough to release an album that’s just one 80 minute track but I really can’t fault them for doing it. This is a piece of music that demands to be listened to in full, and while it does naturally divide into movements like anything else this long would, it would be weaker overall if it were split into individual tracks or listened to individually. A lot of the playing on here, which is very sparse in long sections feels like ritual music of some kind - a feeling that’s compounded by the length when you’re absolutely lost within it. It makes electric bass and drums feel like modern ritual instruments and this album feels like an invocation of the spirit of loss itself.

Sixteen Tons - Merle Travis: For some reason I keep thinking about and listening to different versions of Sixteen Tons. This is Merle Travis, the orginal songwriter, but this is a new recording he did in 1989. Notably I love the very plaintive solo in the middle of this, but I especially love that he changed the lyric at the end to say “I owe my soul to Tennessee Ernie Ford” which feels like an agressive rebuke or a solemn nod but I can’t tell which.

Looking Up - Michael Smith: My girlfriend sent me this song because she heard it on the podcast Good Christian Fun which as I understand it is an exploration of the bizzare world of american evangelical christian media. Anyway this song rocks. It sounds like Todd Terje remixed the theme to some lost 80s sitcom and I really can’t get enough of it.

Wild - Beach House: This is such a beautiful song. I love the tinny drum machine and the live drums that sound programmed constrasting against the huge wall of guitar and synths. I used to listen to this album a lot a few years ago when I worked night shift and it reminds me of standing on top of wine tanks in the cool night air at 2am texting my now girlfriend as she went to bed. Sorry.

Piano Concerto No. 3 In D Minor, Op.30: 1. Allegro ma non tanto - Sergei Rachmaninoff: I had a friend in school who did his licentiate degree in piano in year 12 and was obsessed with this piece. One day he took me through the whole first movement and showed me how the theme is established and comes back in different forms over and over again throughout and basically taught me how to listen to classical music which was very kind of him because it’s something I’m only really appreciating now.

Verklärte Nacht, Op.4: String Sextett for 2 Violins, 2 Violas and 2 Cellos - Arnold Schoenberg: This is an early Schoenberg piece before he got into that good good atonal serialism, but it does still have moments that presage what was to come. I don’t really have much to say about this other than it’s a very good place to start with Schoenberg because it’s like proof that he was a human man at one point.

Day-O (The Banana Boat Song) - Harry Belafonte: I’ve really been thinking about how work songs like this and like Sixteen Tons become international hits. This one especially, in the 50s, was it because it was a really good song (which it is) that a lot of people related to or was it a sort of exoticism about funny banana song (which to be fair, it also is).

Boogie Wonderland (12" Version) - Earth, Wind And Fire: This is the song you hear playing from the other side of the door when you get to heaven.

Apollo’s Mood - The Olympians: This album is basically a collection of Daptone All-Stars under the name The Olympians just doing their thing and it’s really amazing. I especially love the harpsichord in this, an instrument that doesn’t get nearly enough of a workout in soul music. Also, I don’t really know how to describe it but I really love the way the snare roll that starts it off and comes back a few times sounds - buzzy and busy without rushing anyone.

Saturn - The Olympians: This is the song you use for your montage at the end of a James Bond movie that’s just four minutes of him relaxing and drinking different cocktails by himself that the critics called ‘wholly unneccesary’. In the drums and bongo break he does a little dance and falls over.

November Rain - Guns N’ Roses: As far as overblown classic rock epics go, I really wish November Rain had the cultural place of bad song Bohemian Rhapsody or Stairway To Heaven because underneath the 9 minutes of stings and bullshit it’s actually a very beautiful and sad song written by an idiot.

Sisters Of The Moon - Fleetwood Mac: With the current wytchy cult that Stevie Nicks has around her it’s easy to forget that she wrote songs like Sisters Of The Moon, a song explicitly about a witch converting other women to witchery. I love the big extended phrase of guitar chords in the chorus and I’m very mad about how this song fades out just as it’s absolutely going off.

When The Levee Breaks - Led Zeppelin: Rounding out this unexpected classic rock trio is When The Levee Breaks which I was thinking about because I was thinking about The Big Short. This song sounds so good and there’s been so much written about the famous drum sound and the production but what I only learned this month is that it was apparently recorded at a faster tempo and then slowed down afterwards, which explains a lot about a lot of the sounds in here.

Bad Liar - Selena Gomez: This is maybe the pop song of the year honestly. It’s so good in every single aspect, especially the when she says’ oh baby lets make reality, actuality, reality’ which is a very weird lyric. So is 'you’re taking up a fraction of my mind, every time I watch you serpentine(?)’. Great stuff all around.

Hello Miss Lonesome - Marlon Williams: I saw Marlon Williams a year or so ago and it was one of the best gigs I’ve been to because things just kept going wrong. Broken strings and misunderstandings and all that sort of thing, and the highlight for me was in this song the drummer got overconfident and started pushing the tempo near the end and eventually tripped over himself so badly they had to stop and start again.

The Voice Of Q - Q: Here’s how you can tell a song is good: you can only find it on Spotify on a compilation album called 'Cocaine Boogie: 24 Kilos Of Underground 80s Dance’. This song seems like a classic case of 'somebody bought a vocoder’ and it’s very very good, another fantastic entry in the canon of interplanetary disco. I also love the children sadly pleading with Q to come back at the end, because the song hasn’t really given you any understanding of who or what Q is other than a being with a voice who is from space.

Take A Trip - Rev. Utah Smith: If I were, hypothetically, to start, for example, a UFO cult, I would definitely have my congregation sing this song. I love it so much. Outside of the fun premise it does what good gospel music should do and completely uplifts my spirit by promising a better life after this one, and if I get to go there by rocket ship, well that’s all the better.

Normal Person - Arcade Fire: I love the little 'do you like rock and roll music? 'cause I don’t know if I do.’ he sings at the start because it sounds like they’re into their 13th hour of recording or something. I love the lead guitar that sounds like it’s severely undernourished but trying its best and I love how strangely heavy the bass and rhythm guitar is compared to a lot of their other songs. A good song to sing along to while you’re driving.

Top Of The World - Kimbra: I don’t know exactly how or why but Kimbra made a Kanye song. Playing the dual roles of Kanye and Featured Artist she does a great job and once again defies whatever I thought she was going to do next. I can’t wait for the album, I hope it has even more Raps.

Eric’s Trip - Sonic Youth: I’ve never gotten much into Sonic Youth because they seemed way too New York Cool for me, so imagine my heartbreak when I found out the lyrics to my favourite song of theirs are wholesale lifted from an Andy Warhol film. I still have a lot of love for 'my head’s on straight, my girlfriend’s beautiful, it looks pretty good to me’ though.

I Hope I Sleep Tonight - DJ Seinfeld: God I’d be embarrassed if I blew up on soundcloud with the name 'DJ Seinfeld’ and then had to keep it when I put my album out. This album varies pretty wildly in quality but I really love this track, the synth melody that just careens around wildly while the rest of the song happens nearby is what does it for me I think.

Problem With The Sun - Nicolas Jaar: “In an interview with Self-Titled Magazine, Jaar said “I was watching a documentary about bugs. It said that if they looked at the sun, they’d die. I thought ‘Oh, that’s funny; that’s cute’ and I wrote a track about it (…). If you find something really special in a tiny story about bugs, it could have a much bigger meaning than that. I like the idea of turning life into this miniature thing”.” He’s used this particular voice modulation on a couple of song and it really cracks me up because it so thick and textured and just plain silly but somehow it suits the song perfectly.

Long Strong Diamond - Baggsmen: This is a song I remember seeing on Rage late at night years and years ago. The guy was dressed up as a werewolf and kidnapping some girl but he gets so distracted by his song about being a werewolf that she ends up escaping. Extremely mad to find out that the guy in this song from years ago that I love is none other than personal enemy of mine Jake Stone from Bluejuice.

XO/The Host/Initiation - The Weeknd: Trilogy could well be the best album of the decade. Remember when The Weeknd was this mysterious anonymous guy who was firmly a character and not an actual guy who seems to actually believe what he’s singing? I love Trilogy because the progression across the three discs from like 'cool indifferent party guy’ in House Of Balloons to extremely deranged cult leader in Echoes Of Silence is very satisfying. Initiation especially is great because it’s like a cool fun song about a party mixed with some extremely dark shit about the clocks not working so you can’t tell the time and the blinds not working so you can’t see outside in a scary pitch shifting voice. “And all I wanna do is leave 'cause I’ve been zoning for a week and I ain’t left this little room, trying to concentrate to breathe” but you absolutely MUST meet my boys.

This Guy’s In Love With You - Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass: Anyway here’s a change of pace. A very peaceful song about just fucking dying if she won’t be your girl. I love how dramatic this song gets before completely stopping and starting again into a very relaxed trumpet line.

Jasmine (demo) - Jai Paul: I’m obsessed with the cult that develops around guys like Jai Paul and Jay Electronica, who put out two songs that are so good that it drives people insane when they don’t put out any more. There’s apparently a bunch of stuff happening with Jai Paul currently that I haven’t been keeping track of but The Fader had a really good article earlier this year about how the Jai Paul leaks and how insane it made everyone. Aside from all that, the song is pure magic - just listen to it and you can understand why everyone was obsessed as they were.

Freaking Out The Neighbourhood - Mac Demarco: I remember I saw an interview with Mac Demarco talking about this song and he described the riff as just some dumb little thing he made up which is shocking to me because I am totally obsessed with how good it sounds. It’s perfect!

Bob - “Weird Al” Yankovic: Yes baby it’s Weird Al’s all-palindrome Bob Dylan parody! I was telling my girfriend about how this is actually really good songwriting because even though it’s essentially gibberish it has enough good imagery and fun sounds that it works anyway and really how different is 'may a moody baby doom a yam’ to 'transient jet lagged ecto-mimed bison’ from the Mars Volta which also appears on this list? Anyway she hated it, and rightly so.

I Have Good News To Bring - Sister Rosetta Tharpe: Live from the basement church of my UFO cult, a beautiful version of Take A Trip that sounds like it was recorded on the organ of an empty baseball stadium at night.

Julia - Jungle: I have been desperately waiting for three years now for another Jungle album and they finally posted about new songs the other day and I got very very excited. This is an amazing song, every sound in it is so perfectly placed and the vocals are very beautiful and have such a rich bass for such a high tenor. I love the way the drums subtly get very busy in the last few choruses, I could listen to this song for hours.

Ray Gun (feat. DOOM) -BadBadNotGood & Ghostface Killah: I love that this song is maybe 20bmp faster than Ghostface or Doom are expecting. Doom especially sounds far more excited than he has in years and they both do really well with it. Also, I was certain the melody it breaks into in the last third was some Lalo Schifrin bit I’ve heard before but I can’t seem to find any info corroborating that. If it’s familiar to you or you know where it’s from, please reply to this post because it’s been driving me crazy.

Confessions Pt. III - BadBadNotGood & Colin Stetson: Any song where Colin Stetson has to play with others is funny to me. He’s such a self contained ball of power that him joining a traditional group like it just wouldn’t work. Sure, this song does sort of sound like him doing his own thing for seven minutes while the band sort of reacts to him but it is absolutely fantastic anyway.

Everyone Nose (All The Girls Standing In The Line For The Bathroom) - N.E.R.D: Remember when Pharrell was crazy? This song is total chaos. The pitched down sample in the hook, the two note bassline, the sax that just hoots once a bar. And I absolutely love the contrast of the beautiful bridge, especially the 'achooo’ backing vocals.

Parties - Shlohmo: Bad Vibes was such a moment. It is such a beautiful album, and a very easy album to fall asleep to and then wake up 20 minutes later terrified and choked by your headphones because Trapped In A Burning House, the song that sounds exactly like its title and nothing like the rest of the album, came on. I have such a strong emotional reaction I really can’t explain to the cutoff samples of people laughing near the end of this song.

Bering/Human Till Born -Talkdemonic: I have no idea how I came across this album but I’ve been listening to it constantly for ten years now and I still find new things to appreciate in it. The drums especially in Human Till Born are a source of obsession for me.

Don Caballero 3 - Don Caballero: For a long time I never 'got’ Don Caballero or Hella or any of these supposedly legendary math bands, despite loving so many bands obvously influenced by them. But then one day this album, and this song especially just clicked for me. It also happened to coincide with one of the most surreal weeks of my life when I was on a cruise ship and all I listened to was this and a field recording album that seems to have completely deleted itself from my computer since then. The best advice I’ve heard for listening to this is, and bands like it is that it’s backward. The drums are the lead instrument and everything else works around that, if that helps. This song has a twisted sort of morose quality that’s really hard to pin down. Some days it is absolutely heartbreaking, which sounds silly but it’s true.

B.Y.O.B. - System Of A Down: There’s a few reasons I was thinking of this song. First and most importantly it’s because of that dog vine but the other reason is I was thinking about how there hasn’t been a good anti-trump song yet outside of YG’s FDT, and that came out before the election. This and American Idiot came out in 2004/5, and I suppose it’s only been a year since the election so we’ve got a few years yet until the real hits come out I guess. Or I suppose he’d have to actually properly declare war, which, you know.

4D/MTI - Koreless: These songs are so intertwined in my head I feel like you can’t have one without this other. 4D is such a simple, beautiful piece of music. The synth that sounds like glass and the chopped vocals getting more and more contorted as the song goes on contrasted with the propulsion of the drums is so great. Both of these songs have a meticulousness and restraint to their sound, every single piece is perfectly where it should be and nothing else is allowed. Even MTI using so much white noise feels incredibly controlled and when it totally drops out it feels like coming up from underwater.

New Lands - Justice: Remember when Justice took 4 years to write a follow up to their album that lit the world on fire and instead of doing the same thing again they made a classic rock album? Everyone was so mad. Luckily this song is incredible and everyone was wrong once more.

You Discovered The Secret And Juiced It For All Its Majesty - Venetian Snares: This is from an EP called Cubist Reggae which I think a lot about in concept alone. This is probably the song that illustrates the idea worst but I love it a lot. My incredibly unpopular opinion is that Venetian Snares is miles better of Aphex Twin and whoever but everyone’s written him off as the Rossz Csillag guy so he doesn’t get no respect. I love how detailed his music is, how every one of the million sounds seems to be perfectly placed. I think he’s in a similar position to Autechre where he’s been making and listening to only his own music for so long now that he’s forgotten how normal music sounds, which is good.

Blues Run The Game - Jackson C. Frank: I made a playlist a couple of years ago of all the songs I sing to myself when I’m just walking around or whatever and it turned out about 6/10 had 'blues’ or 'hard times’ in the title, which is tough but it’s ok, and this was one of them. If you want to read a wiki article that’ll make you cry, read Jackson C. Frank’s, but mostly you should just listen to this, his only album.

Thermal Treasure - Polvo: I played this song for my girlfriend and during the intro she said 'you have such a wide variety of tense, off kilter music seeminly designed just to put people on edge’. I’m a huge fan of this very defensive sentence in Polvo’s wiki article 'Their sound was so unpredictable and angular that the band’s guitarists were often accused of failing to play with correctly tuned guitars’.

FML - Kanye West: This is such a strangely affecting song and it’s hard to be sympathetic to Kanye as a narrator sometimes (especially when he insists on doubling down on dogshit lines like “'I'mma have the last laugh indian cause I’m from the tribe called chekaho’”) but against all odds you can identify and relate to his struggle to hold onto the woman he loves and not be undone by his own worst instincts. Musically this is the best The Weeknd has ever sounded and I already love him a lot, and the way the drums lead into the sample at the end is just perfect.

Roulette Dares (The Haunt Of) - The Mars Volta: This is the album I’ve probably listened to the most in my life. As a teenager I would listen to this album every night for easily a year and somehow there’s still something new to hear in it. It’s almost hard to listen to it now because I have so much Teenage Feeling attached to it but it’s still an incredible piece of work. Jon Theodore deserves a statue for his drumming on this album, and this song especially, in my humble opinion.

Life’s A Beach! - Studio: God I love Studio. I think if you tried to describe them on paper you could never make it sound like good music. “It’s sort of, balearic , reggae, guitar-led dance music and the songs go for about 15 minutes most of the time.” But it is good music! I absolutely promise it’s incredible music!

The Number Song (Cut Chemist Remix) - DJ Shadow: I love this remix because it feels like theseus’ ship as demonstrated via remix. How many parts can you swap out for similar but not identical parts before it’s a completely different song. The drums are almost the same beat, but a totally different sample.The Jackson 5 horns in the original that signal the transition to the second half are still here with the same function, but it’s an entirely different horn sample, and an entirely different second half save for 'the party’s already started, and it’s about to end’.

listen here

#playlists

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queen-of-the-crows · 7 years ago

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11 Questions Tag

Okay so I was tagged by like 5 different people and I'm just gonna answer all in one post cause that's the easiest way to do it. Huge thank you to all my loves who tagged me in this @annorarutherford @heraldofwho @sassylavellen @enchantment1385 (twice :P) @elevanetheirin :)

Buckle up cause this is gonna be a long ride!

@annorarutherford questions

1. Biggest fear? Feeling like I've done nothing with my life and that I've been a failure

2. Favorite flower/plant? I'm not a nature person, that's just not my thing but a black rose

3. Are you close to your family? Sorta, some of them anyway, depends on alot honestly

4. Your deepest wish? Not to be rich but to be able to pay all my bills and still have a good amount of money left over to save and buy fun stuff

5. What's something that always calms you? No one thing always works, it depends on why I'm not calm. Video games work often, some times reading, sometimes writing, sometimes drinking

6. Some movies you love? Love this question! Jaws, Jurassic Park series, Alien series, Beauty and the Beast, Dracula, The Crow, and many others

7. Guilty pleasure song? I'm not really ashamed of anything I listen to but alot of people judge me for loving Fall Out Boy so I'll say anything by them, I have an entire playlist

8. Favorite weird smell? Professional hair color, I fucking love it. Also the green soap they use in tattoo shops

9. Game that has changed your life and how? Dragon Age. It introduced me to my love of gaming and are me fall in love with Thedas and the characters

10. Someone(s) on Tumblr you really admire/like? All my usual lovelies of course @annorarutherford @a-shakespearean-in-paris @sassylavellen @enchantment1385 @aban-asaara @heraldofwho also love seeing posts from @jawsandbones @andrastini @fyeahfenrisxfhawke @laraslandlockedblues @nevertrustamage and others

11. Worst personality traits someone can have? Always down on themselves, put down everyone around them, bad hygiene! (Not a personality trait but seriously bathe), being insanely cocky and thinking they can get whoever they want

@heraldofwho questions

1. When you get butterflies in your stomach what color are they? Blues and purples

2. If spiders could talk what would their voices sound like? I think they'd sound alot like Flemeth

3. How do you like your coffee or tea? In the trash lol I hate them both

4. If you could learn any language instantly, which one would you choose? Oh man, there's so many cool ones. Probably Russian, I love the sound of it

5. If they made a DA/ME film or series about YOUR protagonist- which OC would you choose and who should play them? Oh shit, I love them all so much!!! Probably Clea cause I think her and Zevran's story would be the most interesting. I would cast Megan Fox as Clea, she's my face claim for her and she plays a pretty good badass.

6. What change the nature of a person? Anything really depending on the person, death seems to be a big one, break ups, being broken

7. What musical instrument do you play? What instrument would you like to learn? I play piano and I sing. I'd like to have a piano so I can practice more but I wanna learn guitar also

8. Pick any aspect of your life or personality and choose a theme song for it. You Call Me A Bitch Like Its A Bad Thing by Halestorm because I'm very much fuck you and your opinions of me, i don't find being called a bitch insulting

9. Can you cook or bake? What's your speciality? I love baking and I can cook too. Cakes are my favorite thing to make

10. Got any dead crushes? Heath Ledger, Brandon Lee, Paul Walker, and Gary Oldman (I mean him in Dracula is to die for)

11. What is your quirkiest hobby or interest? I don't have many so probably writing fanfic

@sassylavellen questions

1. Do you have a favorite soundtrack from a movie or video game? Oh yes, Queen of the Damned. Best soundtrack ever created

2. What was the first video game you remember playing? Either Super Smash Bros or Mario Kart way back on Game Cube

3. If you could have any kind of food right now what would it be? Chocolate cake or Panda Express, maybe both

4. Are you a good cook? Oh yes

5. Do you have or want any exotic pets? I would love to have an iguana. Snakes are cool too

6. What fictional character would you love to be friends with? Oh so many, strictly friends with no somatic interest: Dorian, Varric, Cassandra, Shale, Charlie from Supernatural, The Doctor, Lisbeth Salandar, and Scout Harding

7. If you could have any superpower what would it be? Telekinesis and mind control

8. What movie could you watch and enjoy every single time? So many. Jurassic Park, Jurassic World, and Big Hero 6 are probably my tops though

9. Favorite color combinations? Black crimson and white, black grey and blue, black and deep purple, basically dark combinations

10. When you play games do you use armor sets that have good stats but looks bad or armor that looks good with bad stats? Definitely looks good with bad stats but I keep the ugly with good stats to change into for particularly challenging encounters. I love the story aspect of games and put so much time into my characters I like them to look good

11. Favorite genre of music? Rock and metal. KoRn and Rob Zombie are my absolute favorites if that helps explain it

@enchantment1385 first set of questions

1. Favorite fandom and why? Dragon Age. Best game series ever, the characters, the play through, the environment, the choices, the romance. And the people I interact with here are amazing

2. What's your Pokemon team? I played Black 2 so my favorite team was Zoroark, Arcanine, Banette, Lapras, Hydreigon, and Virizion

3. Favorite team in Dragon Age or Mass Effect? Depends on my class honestly but my favorite is dual weapon rogue so I'll answer for that. Origins- Alistair, Morrigan, either Shale or Zevran. DA2- Fenris, Aveline, either Varric or Anders or Merrill. Inquisition- Cassandra, Dorian, either Cole or Iron Bull

4. Favorite nonBioware game? Dishonored

5. OTP? Alistair and Cousland, Zevran and Mahariel, Fenris and Hawke, Cullen and Lavellan. None DA OTPs Mulder and Scully, Elizabeth Swan and Will Turner, Emma Swan and Captain Hook, Rose Tyler and the 10th Doctor

6. What is your guilty pleasure? I really don't have one that I know. Reading smutty fan fic maybe?

7. A food you can't get enough of? Cheese pizza, mac and cheese, spaghetti

8. What can you see right now? I'm in class so classroom stuff

9. Something I don't know about you? Alot. I'm coloring my hair white, I have a huge Fenris and femhawke in progress back piece, I'm in cosmetology school, I have a tattoo appointment with Sarah Miller

10. Most loved OC and why? As hard as it to choose between all my loves, I choose Clea. She's the most like me or rather I see the most of myself in her and that was an accident. I love her attitude, her sarcasm, her badassness, her relationship with Zevran, her goals, how she carries herself and how she just is.

11. What song is stuck in your head right now? Hold Me Tight Or Don't by Fall Out Boy

@enchantment1385 second set of questions

1. What does your name mean? Do you think the meaning is anything like you? Like our usernames? Queen of the Crows is a reference to Clea who takes over the Antivan Crows with Zevran and they do some reforming of the guild. She's one of the leaders so she's the queen of the Antivan Crows, hence queen of the Crows. Is that anything like me? Well I mean she's my OC and I'm alot like her so I would hope to be that badass if I was in Thedas.

2. First celebrity crush? Max Thieriot, he's still good looking too

3. If you could live in one fictional world, which one would you choose and why? Come on love, guess :P lol definitely Thedas. Learn archery and dual wield, find one of my favorite romances and fall in love. Oh yes! Second choice would be Westoros provided I could be with Jon Snow of course

4. Why did the chicken cross the road? His life bored him and he needed change

5. You can have one superpower, what do you choose? Answered this already but since this says only 1 I choose telekinesis

6. Biggest pet peeve? When people can't do simple things

7. 1 fictional character you would meet for a day if you could? Hmmmm I wanna meet alot. If I only have a day I think I'd choose Iron Bull, I'd be in for an adventure all day

8. First game you ever completed? Dishonored

9. Which class in game do you enjoy playing the most? Definitely rogue. Idk what it is but I love rogues especially dual weapon although I've recently gotten into playing archery as well

10. Favorite fictional villain and why? I love Maleficient. She turns into a fucking Dragon and is bitter for not being invited to a party. And the movie really goes into depth about how she became how she was and it shows that good people can be broken so badly they become bitter heartless and evil

11. Creepiest experience? I'm not really sure, I try to avoid that sort of thing. I've been hit on by creepy weirdos though

@elevanetheirin questions

1. Coffee or tea? I hate them both. I'm a soda junkie though and love energy drinks

2. What is your favorite book or book series? I have a few. Dracula (this is my all time favorite), A Song of Ice and Fire by George R R Martin (aka GoT series), Millennium series by Stieg Larsson (Girl with the Dragon Tattoo), Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre, and The Meg series by Steve Alten

3. Do you have a hidden talent? Most people don't know I can play piano

4. Who is your favorite author? George R R Martin, Steve Alten, Michael Crichton, Ellen Hopkins, Stieg Larsson

5. Favorite type of cookie? Chocolate chip, I know I'm boring

6. Brotp? Varric and Hawke, Sara Lance and Mick Rory, Meredith Grey and Alex Kerev, Sherlock and Watson, Tony Stark and Bruce Banner

7. Did you have a nickname in school? I've never really had a nickname ever. My love in high school called me his muse cause he's an artist. Lots of classmates called me that weird goth girl cause I was always quiet, very smart, read for fun, and was goth.

8. Do you have resting bitch face? Oh fuck yes I do haha I love it though

9. What makes you smile? Alot. My stupid cats, my boyfriend, my favorite shows and movies, funny gaming videos, video games, reading, SLEEP, FOOD

10. What one thing do you like most about yourself? The fact that I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks about me. Looks wise probably my eyes

11. The best part of your day yesterday? Getting paid so I had money for chicken nuggets

Finished them all!!!! My 11 questions

1. If you could switch places with one fictional character who would it be and why? (Besides your OCs)

2. If you could choose one fictional character to be your love interest forever who would it be and why?

3. Least favorite video game you've ever played?

4. How did you get introduced into the Dragon Age fandom?

5. Which of your OCs is the most like you and how?

6. If you could only watch one genre of movie for the rest of your life which one would you choose?

7. One tattoo you plan on getting someday?

8. Xbox, PlayStation, or PC?

9. Do you have any exes you would take back if they ever asked?

10. Favorite quest in the Dragon Age series?

11. Favorite ship or OTP?

I'm not tagging anyone cause most you already tagged me but if you wanna answer my questions then go for it!

#get to know queen of the crows #queen of the crows writes #tag meme

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stripesthesupervillain · 7 years ago

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The Mad Hatter’s Guild to Happiness: Chapter 3

<<- First

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Summary: The drive continues as the day wanes on. The two criminals talk, finding out a bit more about each other.

Warning: Headcanons. Just... headcanons.

Because of this, we were unable to get this letter to you on time.

Jervis took another sip of the sweet tea, smacking his lips a little as he closed the bottle. “I should have just asked for water,” he sighed, shaking his head. “Why is that? So you can stick your tea bags in there for an impromptu tea party?” Jonathan asked, and although he hadn’t meant for it to be funny, he gained some pleasure from the wince Tetch had in response. “Honestly, Hare, I do think you find me to be some type of heathen,” the Englishman huffed, turning his head away. The doctor was unable to tell if his companion was joking or not, but he would let the ‘Hare’ slip-up pass for now, seeing as he was in a slightly better mood from that little bit of conversation. It wasn’t that he hated the nickname (although a rabbit wasn’t exactly the best nickname for the Master of Fear), but it was more that he didn’t want Jervis to slip up in the future.

“Twinkle twinkle little bat,” the Hatter hummed to himself, setting his drink down. Jonathan turned to look at him, shaking his head in disapproval. The smaller man pouted slightly, but still stopped anyways, crossing his legs on the seat and leaning back. As much as he had grown used to it, any Wonderland references were also prohibited; Jonathan didn’t want to risk Jervis having one of his more worse schizophrenic outbursts while they were on this drive. That was also why he bought (now considered stolen) a little something extra from the store while they were there. Tetch had yet to know about it, seeing as he only thought Jonathan had gone in for his tea.

“So, if you really wanted to go on this trip, why not take a plane? You have the money,” the curious man asked casually. An easy enough question. “I would, but air security are pretty much trained to recognize us. Wouldn’t want someone hijacking the plane, would they?” he explained, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. “I would fly myself if it weren’t for recognition issues. Are you telling me you’ve never flown back to England?”

“Of course I have,” Jervis replied, folding his hands in his lap. “Once or twice, though, since I usually have no reason to. I usually take the trip by ship, though, as the costs are undoubtably better and I get recog- wait.” He stopped himself, furrowing his brow as he finally seemed to process something. He looked back up at the driver. “Come again? What do you mean you could ‘fly yourself’?” Jonathan gave the other a shrug as he kept his eyes on the road, only glancing down at him once. “I have a biplane I’ve kept in storage for who knows how long. I haven’t taken it out in almost two years.”

Jervis took a moment to think about this. “Jonathan, mate, are you saying you know how to fly?” He seemed almost incredulous. Crane felt a smirk appear on his lips at the other’s amusing bewilderment, answering with a nod. “Why yes, I do. I learned the ropes from a farmer that lived only a mile or so from my home. He owned a biplane, you see. He gave me a few lessons in exchange for help around the farm. I improved my skills years later so I could make attempt at spreading fear. It was a simple fear gas and crop duster gimmick; something I came up with long before we ever met.”

Tetch stayed silent, processing this for a moment. “Does this count for commercial planes, too?” he asked suddenly, as if having a plan. Crane was quick to shake his head. “No no, I can only pilot single-engine planes. Anything major is far too complex for me.” Jervis happened to find this rather amusing, seemingly quick to tease him. Unfortunately, the infamous Master of Fear was also well known for having little to no sense of humor. A laugh at a joke from Jonathan was akin to a unicorn landing in your front lawn. “Oh? Are a few buttons and levers too complicated for the Master of Fear to handle?” he tittered, a hand coming up to slightly cover his overbite as he jested. “Oh please, I’m a doctor, not a master of aeronautical engineering,” the psychiatrist scoffed. “Oh? Au contraire, Crane. I’m a neuroscientist,” the smaller man argued, “and yet I discovered the beauties of controlling the mind through cards that I’ve made myself.”

“Oh don’t give me that,” Crane huffed. “You actually have a degree in biotechnology, so of course you know how to regulate a few synapses.”

Jervis rested a hand on his chin, giving a small nod of concession. “Alright, I see your point. Fine, what else are you well-versed in? And do make it a talent that doesn’t relate to your chosen profession.”

Jonathan tensed up slightly, his mind racing to find an example of something he was at least proud to say he was able to do. While he could read mind and expressions like a preschooler’s first book, every thug and criminal based in Gotham knew that. Well, he was fairly good at one thing in particular when he was usually alone and at home, relaxed, but he’d first be struck down by the heavens themselves before he would readily admit that as an example.

“Martial arts,” he finally came up with, but Jervis quickly shook his head. “I said it can’t relate to your profession.”

“What? What does self-defense have to do with being a psychiatrist?” Jonathan spat, only to see the opposer giggle with mirth. “Oh? Then what’s your current occupation?” he hummed, causing the doctor to pause. Okay, he had a point there. He grimaced, racking his mind for anything else, before finally throwing his hand up. “Fine… I’m a fairly talented…” he mumbled something under his breath. Jervis cocked a brow, leaning closer. “I beg your pardon?” he grinned, beckoning a louder answer. “Is whispering that special talent of yours? Because frankly, my dear Jonathan, I couldn’t hear a word you said.” Crane was quick to place a hand on the other’s face, shoving him back. “Oh never you mind!” he scowled, turning his head away from the passenger’s growing laughter. He had half a mind to drop him off here and now, even if it might be his fault that he couldn’t take a joke. “Besides, I already have piloting under my belt, not to mention I am an astounding chemist. I’m sure you have no other talent besides making a semi-decent cup of tea.”

Jervis didn’t have as much trouble as his friend had in deciding what to say. “Only a few things, really. Two of them I’m rather good at I’d say. I’m fairly experienced in playing piano, a skill I enjoy putting to use with a few songs from my favorite book. I’m also flu- I’m sorry, did you say ‘semi-decent’?”

Crane gave a small shake of his head, pretending like he’d never uttered the words. “No no, continue,” he urged. “What’s the other thing?” He received an annoyed look, but he still resumed nonetheless. “I’m bilingual,” he finished. “Other than that, I suppose I’ve got a few know-hows in chemistry, but that’s it.” Now Jonathan was the one who was intrigued. “Are you? In what?” he inquired. “French,” he answered. “I thought you knew that already.”

The doctor shook his head. “The idea never really crossed my mind, to be honest. Sure, you use a few French phrases here and there, but I just thought those were words the English put to use from time to time.” The Englishman nodded in acknowledgement. “C'est vrai, mais non,” he grinned, grabbing his bottle and going to take a sip from it. “True, but not for me. I don’t suppose you know a language, too, do you?”

Jonathan rolled his eyes. “Oh don’t get all haughty with me,” he huffed, his voice quick dripping with a thick sarcasm. “Yes yes, I, the dumb American, have never had the time nor motivation to learn an entire language, as well as an instrument more complicated than a triangle.” This apparently pushed Jervis over the edge, for he burst into a fit of laughter whilst he drank, nearly spilling the beverage over the car’s interior. “Oh don’t be so hard on yourself,” he giggled, closing his bottle. “Though I suppose it’s true that our tastes are more refined than yours.”

“If you’re going to be so vainglorious about yourself and your country, why not move back to England, then?” Jonathan asked. “I can hardly understand why you even bothered to move to Gotham in the first place.”

“Work opportunities,” he explained. “And I just needed some time away. Besides, it’s not like I learned all those things just for fun. My- ahem, my mother was rather serious about my education when I was young.” Jonathan noticed the slip and pause when his partner mentioned his mother, but let Jervis continue talking. “And French took a bloody eternity to even begin to master. Had Alice not been there for support and help, I’m sure I would have given up long ago.”

Crane glanced over, slightly interested in the reveal of an “Alice”. He decided to pursue it, though he knew he had to stop should he see any signs of disgruntlement. Being the curious psychiatrist he was, though, he was more than eager to pry. “Alice?” he questioned. “As in…?”

“A childhood friend,” Tetch was quick to explain. “Back when I was just a lad.”

“Were you close?” Jonathan asked, wanting to know more. The response was a simple nod, so he continued. “Do you two still keep in touch?” To this, Jervis responded with a “no”. “She disappeared a while back,” he explained with a sigh. “Back before all… of this.” He looked up at the other, intertwining his fingers. “She was my closes friend. You would have loved her, really. Sweetest girl you would have ever met.”

“I’m sure I would have,” Jonathan hummed in agreement. “What ever happened to her?”

“She’s just gone,” he said, not even taking time to consider the question. Curt answers meant he was pulling away. He decided those four questions were enough for now. He would just have to ask during tomorrow’s drive. For now, he had to pull back before the mood staled further.

Another game of chess would probably pass the time and cheer him up.

“It’s getting rather late and I’ve been driving for hours,” Jonathan sighed, checking the time. The sun was beginning to set and the now dull songs that played on the radio was starting to grate on his nerves. “We’re getting out at the next motel up ahead.”

Jervis looked up from his phone in mild interest at the small town they had found themselves in, smiling and giving an understanding nod. He took another look down at his phone, seemingly searching for something. Once he found it, though, he frowned. “Oh, blimey, you were closer. It was two hundred seventy-three.”

“Thought so!” Jonathan smiled, giving himself a mental pat on the back. “That’s another point for me, Tetch. I’m in the lead, 7-6.” Jervis just gave a small chuckle. “Alright, if you win the next point, this will be the last one,” he sighed. “I will gladly admit defeat to your superior memory. Now, you have the honors of picking the event.”

“Hmm… Professor Pyg,” the doctor decided on. “During his crime spree after he broke out last month. I’m going to guess… seventeen victims.” Jervis nodded, now thinking of his own number. “If I know Pyg, which I do, he wouldn’t do so many at a time. I’ll say… ten.” And with that, he began typing on his phone to look up some of the latest news articles on Pyg. As he did so, they came across a small motel up ahead. A few cars were parked there, but there was really no worry. Now further away from Gotham, it was less likely the two would be recognized.

“Oh sod it all,” Jervis grumbled in annoyance, before bringing a hand up to cover his filthy mouth. “Oh, I apologize for my language.” Jonathan merely smirked, pulling into the parking lot. “How many victims were there?”

“Fifteen victims,” Tetch sighed, already getting out. “You win 8-6.” The other criminal was soon following, going to the trunk to pull out their bags. “You may trade your secrets with the man, but I’m the one whose studied him,” he grinned to himself. “What a charmed life you must lead to spend your time doing so,” Jervis replied, grabbing his own personal bag and helping his friend take out everything but the large scythe. Bringing that in wouldn’t be a very smart idea.

“And now, as punishment, you have to be the one to talk to the fool at the front desk,” Crane hummed, giving his comrade a nudge with his elbow. The haberdasher begrudgingly agreed and made his way inside. With a quick look around, he was pleased to see a little station in the lobby for coffee and hot water for tea. The lady at the front counter looked up at him in disinterest, gesturing to a sign in sheet. She didn’t recognize him, that was good. He supposed he was glad for the lack of conversation, although he was more than willing to strike one up with any random person. He was quick to write down a false name. The woman sauntered over to the key board and grabbed a set, handing it over. “Room B6. Second floor,” she told him. He gave a nod and grabbed the keyring from her. “Good day, madam,” he said kindly, immediately cursing himself on the inside for saying it. She cocked an eyebrow, now seemingly more attentive. “Whoa. You British?” she asked, leaning over the counter with her top half propped up on her elbows. Well, he supposed there was no choice in backing out now. He gave a curt nod, tucking the key into his pocket. “Yes, English,” he clarified, before quickly but casually making his way to the door. He gave a quick “thank you” before leaving. Once he was out the door, he immediately smacked himself on the forehead for being so stupid. While sure, being English wasn’t a dead giveaway, he was still fairly identifiable, what with the overbite when he smiled or his short stature. Still, it wasn’t like he could kill her, not that he really wanted to in the first place. He merely sighed and hoped for the best, going over to his companion and leading him to their room.

Once inside, Jervis dropped his bags near the left bed and flopped directly onto it.

“Fine, it looks like I’ll take the right one,” Jonathan shrugged, setting his items down onto the other bed and unpacking his phone to take a quick check. “I could really use a bit of water. Do they have any of that in the lobby?” he asked. Jervis checked his phone with an eager nod. “Yes, they do, around the little sitting area. Oh, and they have hot water for tea. Do you want me to get you some?” Jonathan shook his head, already heading to the door. “I’ll do it, don’t worry,” he sighed, pulling his coat from his bag and tugging it on.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes yes. Take a shower or something while I’m gone.” And with that, he left, heading down to the lobby. He went about completely ignoring the woman at the front desk as he passed and looking over the refreshments. He grabbed a bottle of water for himself before pouring some hot water quickly making his way back to their room. To his relief, Jervis was following his advice and taking a shower as his friend returned. That would leave him only a few minutes.

Jonathan acted quickly and pulled out a tea bag from Jervis’ stash, dipping it into the steaming water to sit. He then pulled out the bottle of sleeping pills he had taken from the gas station. He took out two, taking out a small pocket knife and using it to chop up and crush them into a fine powder. He scooped up the medication and poured them into the steeping tea, using the bag itself to stir in the pills until they could no longer be seen. Only a minute later did Jervis step out, fully clothed and drying his wet hair. He was quick to notice the prepared tea, picking it up with a smile.

“Oh how amiable you are!” he grinned, picking up the cup and, seeing that it was ready, throwing away the bag. He took small sips, sitting down on his bed and looking over at Jonathan, who was calmly working on a crossword booklet whilst he laid in his own bed. “So, what was the name you used for the front desk?” he asked his shorter partner, looking over from his puzzle. Jervis sat cross-legged on the bed, smiling as he sipped his drink. “Oh, a simple one. Nigel Evans.”

All was silent for a moment, until Jonathan couldn’t help it. He turned around, not showing his face and already getting under the blanket. The other male obviously saw nothing wrong with the name, but his friend seemed disgruntled by it. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Oh…. It’s nothing.”

“No, tell me! Did I do something wrong?”

“It’s just…” Jonathan said slowly, “I never thought you would be able to choose a more British name, but you did, and it astonishes me.”

“Oh shush your mouth!” Jervis laughed, grabbing a pillow and tossing it at the other occupant, who didn’t find it as humorous. The pillow was easily caught and thrown back. He looked over with a small smile at the window beside him, gazing out at the setting sun. He finished off his tea and grabbed his favorite book.

“I barely feel tired at all,” he commented, looking over at the time. “I suppose I’ll be up for a good few hours, so don’t lose any winks because of me, alright?” Jonathan just gave a nod, barely listening.

Within an hour, Jervis was passed out on the bed, hugging the pillow he had once chucked at his roommate. Jonathan sat up, looking over at the sleeping form with a hint of suspicion. “That should keep you out until the morning,” he sighed, setting down his book and turning off the nightstand lamp. “I apologize, but I refuse to have you ruin anything overnight with your crazed delusions.” He slumped into bed as his muttered out the last words, quickly falling asleep in a matter of minutes.

#Mad Hatter #Jonathan Crane #Scarecrow #Jervis Tetch #MHGH

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thesirenserenity · 8 years ago

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Miraculous Medley Chapter 5: Something New

Marinette, a Vocal Performance and Composition Music Major at a local community college, is secretly Ladybug, the lead singer and songwriter for Paris’ most famous band, The AKs. Adrien, a Cello Performance Major at the most elite Music Conservatory, joins them under the guise of Chat Noir to play Bass. Adrien grew up believing that music was all about following exactly what the composer wanted, but Marinette teaches him that there is so much that can be communicated through music - everyone has someting to say through this universal language. Marinette is closed off to the world after being burned from a recent breakup, and Adrien helps her break down the walls she built up arround her. Based off of gittana’s Musicans AU

Rating: T - swearing and some adult content

Also on: AO3 | Fanfiction

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

Thank you guys for your patience! I got married on New Year’s Eve, so I’ve been a brief hiatus. I had an amazing wedding and adored every minute of it!! My husband is so amazing.

That being said, this was a hard chapter to write because it is a lot of exposition. The next few chapters will be bonding between the two and the actual plot will kick in ;) Love you all!

Open your eyes and make your entrance, your first step into this world Take my hand I will embrace you, know you'll never be alone Open your eyes and see the splendor of all the beauty all around Step by step you'll reach the summit, and I will help you on your road

- “Something New” - Noctilucent (Click for song)

Marinette nursed a cup of hot tea between her hands, perched on a stool in the kitchen as commotion swirled around her. Normally she would be bustling around with the rest of her band, but Nino had planted her in a seat, Alya had given her said of black tea, and they had scolded her to stay put.

I guess that’s what I get after composing a song in one night.

She shrugged to herself. Sure, she didn’t get a lot of sleep, okay, any sleep, but she did that all the time during the school session. Marinette rolled her eyes at their fussing, because they both pulled all-nighters before, and it wasn’t like she had to work that evening. She just currently felt groggy and like crap, but that would be remedied with sleep after their impromptu practice.

Normally, the AKs didn’t have a rehearsal the day after their concert, but it was around one in the afternoon; everyone had slept enough. She had composed late into the night, inspired by Adrien’s words and the melodies flowing around in her head, and then had taken time to put it all on paper for the instruments. A phone call had woken Nino up at 8:00 AM, asking him to get his butt outta Alya’s bed and come help her with the fine details. Nino had taken one look at the full song she had laid out, as well as the pieces of two more, and promptly called a rehearsal to work out the fine details of the songs.

“You have another song already?” A voice startled her out of her half-asleep daze.

She turned to face Adrien, who had sat on the stool next to her, a grin on his face and his green eyes sparkling at her.

Her tired smile followed, as she pulled her tea closer to her face. “Yeah, after you left last night, I just couldn’t stop until it was done. Nino called the practice shortly after that.”

Adrien looked at her in amazement, “You didn’t sleep to write a song in one night?”

Marinette shrugged, “I was inspired and wanted to get all the details hammered out before they left my mind. It’s not like I had anything to do today, so it wasn’t a huge deal.”

“You played a concert last night, which is a ton of energy, and then pulled an all-nighter. I’d say it’s a big deal.” He eyed her cup, “Coffee?”

Marinette shook her head, “No, that was consumed at six this morning. I can’t drink coffee before I sing because I like a lot of cream. It’s just black tea, containing caffeine, which is still super bad for singing, but a lot better than coffee with milk products.”

Adrien blinked in surprise, “I didn’t realize that singing was intensive that you couldn’t have milk or caffeine before.”

She laughed a little bit, “It’s my instrument. It would be like if you tried to play without tuning your strings – it just wouldn’t sound good.”

“Fair enough.”

They sat for a moment in amiable silence as the group bustled around them, pastries hanging from mouths and music clutched in hands. Everyone was greeting each other, jokes were flying.

“You know, I met some of the group, but not as the AKs. Would you point everyone out to me, Marinette?” Adrien asked.

She turned, smiling at him. “I think that can be arranged. I’ll point them out as they walk by.”

Spinning around on her seat, she pointed toward Nino, who was hauling a mixing table and his laptop to the rehearsal room. His red cap was perched on his head, and trusty headphones around his neck. “You already know Nino, who is known as the famous DJ The Bubbler. He only plays under that name for the AKs, and does remixes of our stuff. Otherwise, he uses his name, like at the club. He grew up playing piano and learned to mix music before coming to Paris Community College. What I love about him, is that a lot of his performances are mixed on the spot. He doesn’t like to pre-record sounds unless it’s needed.”

Adrien butted in, “He’s a music major, like you, yes?”

Marinette nodded, “Yea, composition major! He is killer at Music Theory and the best piano player at school. He and I are the original members of the AKs. We started recording and posting online, and got pretty popular.”

She pointed as Alya as she rushed by after Nino, a stack of music in her hands. “Alya started the Ladyblog before she knew. She was pretty infatuated with the music, not knowing that her best friend was Ladybug.”

“How did she find out?”

Marinette sighed, “It’s hard to hide secrets from your best friend, especially when you are hanging out more and more with the cute guy in your music classes. She got snoopy and wanted to see if I was dating Nino without her knowing. She followed us to our recording studio and recognized the music. Then she demanded to join.”

Adrien laughed, “That sounds like her. It’s cool that she sings too!”

“She is really good at everything she tries. Picked up a minor in music when she decided to join the band, but she is a journalism major. She sings and plays Saxophone, as I’m sure you saw at the Jazz concert.”

“Lady Wifi, yes? Does she run both blogs?”

Marinette winked at him, “Why do you think the Ladyblog has all the tips on the AKs?”

Adrien laughed, “I’m surprised that no one has figured it out yet.”

Marinette waved her hand at him. “She would have been figuring out all of that anyways. She is just that good!”

Juleka brushed by, carrying two drums for her drum set, with a pair of drum sticks balanced on top. One fell off, to be swooped up by the tiny blonde girl following her.

Marinette pointed her out, “You remember Rose, right? She is Juleka’s girlfriend and one of the dancers for the group. Juleka is actually majoring in business at PCC, but is going to cosmetology school as well.”

Adrien blinked in surprise, “She said she works at a tattoo parlor too? How does she fit all that in?”

Marinette grinned, “She is one of the most hard-working people I know, just never brags about it. Juleka never flaunts her talent or her schedule.”

Adrien watched the two girls, as Rose pressed a kiss to Juleka’s cheek as she set the drum stick back with the other pair. “Opposites attract, I guess. How long have they been dating? They are super cute together.”

Marinette’s sweet smile agreed with him. “They have only been together for a couple months, but it feels like forever. They have been really good friends for a long time. Juleka finally got the nerve to ask Rose out, and Rose said that she thought they were already dating.”

Adrien’s laugh rang through the kitchen. “She is a little spitfire for being so cute.”

“Yea, she is super sassy; I love it. She’s in a professional dance troupe and is a musical theater major. Rose wants to go to New York and perform or choreograph for Broadway.”

“That sounds perfect for her,” Adrien grinned.

Marinette pointed into the main hallway, where Ivan was talking with Mylene. “Those two are also dating, and have been since high school. Ivan is majoring in Psychology, and Mylene is studying business and theater. She wants to open her own theater company and follow in the footsteps of her father, who is a famous mime here.”

Adrien nodded, “They are really cute together. Ivan plays rhythm guitar, yes?”

“Yes, so he plays all the background chords and Lila plays lead. She is amazing at hearing a melody once and playing it by ear. Also, anything she makes up on the spot is really good.”

Adrien looked at her sideways with a small smirk. “I heard that you two don’t get along very well.”

Marinette rolled her eyes, “Alya likes to spread rumors. Granted, it’s a true rumor. Lila and I but heads a lot. She is a little egotistical and challenges me a lot as the composer and leader of the band.”

“Is she a music major too?”

Marinette nodded, “Yes, a jazz guitar major. Which causes some issues, because she likes to throw that in my face.”

Adrien smiled at her, “That sounds frusturating, but I’m sure you handle it well.”

“I just don’t like people like that,” Marinette muttered, almost too soft for Adrien to hear. “Is that everyone in the group? What about the other dancers?” Adrien asked.

“Well, there is Alix, who does a lot of the special effects and crazy dances. She’s a Kinesiology major, along with Kim, who is the other dancer and special effect coordinator. Kim also helps us by acting as a sort of body guard when we have shows and don’t want people to swarm the back stage. We met both of them through Max, who is our tech specialist. He is a computer science major, who does all of our research and helps Alya keep the blog going. He is usually the connecting point between us and our venues. Alya introduced us to him right after she got on board!”

“Who does all the art for your group?” Adrien asked. “After every concert, there is always this cool graffiti or presentation of your band name.”

Marinette grinned, “I’m really glad you noticed that. Nathanael is our resident artist, who hangs out with us. He kinda stumbled upon me by accident and offered to help us out. He uses all mediums for art, but loves graffiti and sketching. He is kind of quiet.”

Alya brushed by on her way to grab a water bottle from the fridge. “Quiet, as in he doesn’t talk to anyone but Marinette.” She cracked the water open and took a sip while she raised her eyebrows.

Marinette rolled her eyes. “He does not have a crush on me, Al, no matter how much you insist.”

Alya looked pointedly at Adrien, who put his hands up in surrender.

Marinette glared at her, “Al! Cut it out! He does not.”

Alya smirked and shrugged her shoulders innocently. “I’m just saying! He has said all of two words to me, but has had conversations with you. It’s the same way with everyone.” She sauntered toward the rehearsal room and brushed past Adrien, leaning over to whisper in his ear. “You have some competition, cat-boy,” punctuating it with a wink.

Adrien’s cheeks turned pink and she continued her walk. Marinette gave them a weird look.

“You two better join us soon, or people are going to think you’re making out in here!” Alya threw over her shoulder with a smirk.

“Alya!!” Marinette squeaked, her cheeks joining Adrien’s in a blush.

Xxxx

The group came pouring off the stage in the dark, an electric feel passing between them. They packed the stuff and piled into the van as quickly as possible, Max and Kim staying behind to grab the rest of the groups’ stuff.

Marinette jumped in, followed by Adrien who had just loaded his bass and amp into the back of the van. Alya jumped into the front seat, shouting at Nino to drive! The whole group was in giggles.

Adrien looked over at Marinette, who’s makeup mask was slightly melting off her face and her fingers were tugging up her thigh-high socks. Her hair was frizzy from the heat of the stage, but she had never looked more radiant. It had been one thing for him to watch Ladybug on the screen of his computer, or from the audience of the AK’s show, but to watch her as he played next to her on the stage! It had been absolutely breathtaking. Her energy fed the entire band, fed him. He had played better than any rehearsal, trying to support the energy she was producing. She really blossomed on stage.

The music had been breathtaking, ending with the song he had inspired lyrics for. She had also written a song with him, to feature the bass part a little more and introduce him, ‘Chat Noir,’ to the audience. The reception to having a bassist was astounding.

Alya was already reading them all the tweets, saying that their fans were amazed and super excited about the newest addition to the group. They had put out a teaser the night they had established Adrien’s persona, which gained quite a bit of interest, but the responses were so much larger after the concert.

Nino pulled into the girls’ house shortly after, the group piling out after checking to make sure that it was safe. The house was a flurry of unpacking and removing makeup and changing into different clothes. Everyone was a bundle of energy, compliments flying about each other’s performance.

Marinette came barreling down the stairs, her costume exchanged for leggings and a red and black checkered flannel shirt, her hair still in pigtails and red smudges on her face. In her hurry, she missed the last step and tripped right into Adrien’s chest. She looked up at him, grinning with a blushing ‘thank you.’

Adrien smiled down at her, his arm wrapped around her waist automatically. Even though they had known each other for a little while, he felt an immense connection to her. He wanted to support her and help her succeed as a musician as a person. She was so passionate about music and extremely talented in the area. In less than a year, she was able to found Paris’ most popular band and compose many amazing songs, all under the guise of someone else.

He was inspired by her.

Adrien pulled back, ruffling the top of her hair and grinning down at her blush.

She had already taught him so much about music and what it means to be a musician.

Step by step, she would reach any summit she tried to conquer.

And he would be with her every step of the way.

#miraculous medley #muse's musings #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug au #miraculous ladybug fanfiction #adrienette #LadyNoir

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kindredconfectionery · 8 years ago

Text

In which Jake (@judgenexecutioner) judges John's soul. It goes about as well as they both expected. What a way to spend a Saturday night. Takes place Saturday 07 January 2017.

[07-Jan-17 17:37:49] judgenexecutioner: You'd been putting this off for a while. And you at least had good excuses to. Like preparing for your first trip out of the year. Something your brother had to prepare for, too. But you know you won't be able to get anything started until you get this part out of the way. Which... you really wish you didn't have to. You could go through the rest of existence without judging your brother's soul just fine. Even when your goal was to kill him, you always assumed his judgement would be left to someone else. Seeing as chances were high that killing your brother would utterly destroy your soul.

You didn't want to do that anymore. And you were afraid of what you'd find.

So on the day you decide to finally get it out of the way, you still spend most of the day dallying about. Finding near any excuse to keep busy and out of the way. Which was a little pointless, since you finally find your courage shortly after sundown. You seek out your brother, clearing your throat to get his attention once you find him. You doubt it's necessary, but it's polite.

[07-Jan-17 17:46:42] kindredconfectionery: You'd tried not to be too pushy about this. You know how uncertain Jake had been when you first brought it up. And then there's the whole question of whether it would even work, given the fact you're pretty sure you're not actually dead and don't know if it works on the living. There's also the holiness aversion issue, but you're old and strong and have sat through enough of his sessions you're fairly certain you can handle this.

You have no idea why he said to wait for this weekend, but you didn't question it when he did. You have the patience to wait centuries for something, so a few days is no big deal. When he does find you, which isn't difficult, you're down in the living room area, playing the piano for no particular reason other than you can. You'd noticed him walk in, but you're going to finish the piece, so his throat clearing is a little redundant but his politeness is appreciated nevertheless.

[07-Jan-17 17:55:57] judgenexecutioner: The music is beautiful. You know that Kent loved music, so you have no idea why it took so long for humans to come around to it. Song, sure. But instruments such as these.... You listen to your brother play his song, smiling as you move to the couch facing the piano and just enjoy the performance. You had no real reason to put it off until the weekend except that it'd be putting it off a little longer. You've never tried to judge the soul of a living person. And you don't even know if your brother applies as such. But what worries you is any pain it might cause him. And if it works, finding out for sure what you're already pretty sure about him.

[07-Jan-17 18:07:17] kindredconfectionery: You look over the instrument at him, smiling. It makes you think you ought to compose something specifically for him now, like you did for Gabriel's winter holiday gift. At any rate, you hold off on playing anything else just yet. "I hope I didn't disturb you. I just felt like coming down here and messing around since I won't be able to so easily once we leave."

[07-Jan-17 18:11:34] judgenexecutioner: You look surprised that he's acting contrite to you? "I... no... I'm the one that came looking for you. I'm the one doing the disturbing, aren't I?" It throws you off for a moment, but then you clear your throat. "Uh... well... it's the weekend." You say as if it's all you need to say for him to understand why you're here. And maybe it is.

[07-Jan-17 18:15:03] kindredconfectionery: It wouldn't be the first time someone had come and asked you to cut it out, or whoever was playing something at the time, so it's not an unreasonable guess that Jake might be doing the same. "Yeah, a bit, but I'm the one with the noisy activity when you're just sitting on the couch, so who knows?" You tilt your head curiously, wondering why it's important to note it's the weekend before it clicks. "Ah."

[07-Jan-17 18:19:25] judgenexecutioner: You laugh softly. "That you would call your beautiful music 'noisy' is nothing short of a tragedy, big brother. I'd ask when you learned to play, but there was so much time to learn, wasn't there?" You never learned to play anything. You duck your head when it seems to click with him what you meant. You nod. "Yeah... I... I don't know if you want to try this here, or maybe move downstairs?"

[07-Jan-17 18:22:57] kindredconfectionery: "It creates sound which disrupts the silence. Therefore, it's noisy," you argue, complete with your tongue being stuck out at him. "Yeah, I couldn't really tell you even if you did ask. I just picked stuff up from people here and there, and now I can just play. Mostly by ear and memory."

You get up, gently closing the cover to the keys to keep them nice, especially with little feline paws running about now. "You're the expert here. We do this wherever you think would be best."

[07-Jan-17 18:27:14] judgenexecutioner: "Tragedy..." You sigh with a small shake of your head. Then top it off by sticking your tongue right back out at him. "I've wondered about playing an instrument time and again, but... as beautiful as music is, it never holds enough personal interest for me to want to even pick an instrument to learn."

You hum softly. "I'd feel more comfortable downstairs... I don't want to create a disturbance with the light." It's not something you had ever thought about until John brought it up.

[07-Jan-17 18:34:37] kindredconfectionery: "That's okay. You can be my vocalist," you chirp back brightly. You got the instrumental talent in the family in exchange for zero vocal skills, and apparently Jake went the inverse. Although that's hard to prove if he's never even tried.

"Mmm. Probably would be best. Don't want someone coming in here with an extinguisher trying to put out the fire." You hold out a hand for him to lead him downstairs to the ballroom where he often does it anyway.

[07-Jan-17 18:39:51] judgenexecutioner: You immediately blush, shaking your head. "Now that would be noisy. And some very awful noise at that." You've sang before. Never in front of your brother. You don't think you sing well at all.

The mention of a fire makes you grimace. It's... one of your fears of what might go wrong with trying this. But when he holds out his hand, you take it, following him downstairs. You head to your usual spot, licking your lips nervously. "You... you can tell me if you change your mind..."

[07-Jan-17 18:46:18] kindredconfectionery: "I doubt that. I mean, it can't be worse than me. A deaf cat yowling into a tunnel is better than me," you tease, trying to be encouraging. You're sure he's nowhere near as bad as he claims. You had heard him when you were alive, and his voice isn't so different that you can't project what it would be like now.

You stand in front of him, taking a step forward to wrap your arms around him in a hug. "I haven't changed my mind. I want to know. I can handle it, and if I can't, we'll both know and it can stop. Unless you've changed your mind?" It only seems right to offer him the choice to back out, even though he was the one who had come to you about this.

[07-Jan-17 18:49:12] judgenexecutioner: You scoff softly. "You're not that bad." You doubt he can be. You remember in his prayers, psalms, that he wasn't the best, but he was far from horrible, too. Maybe you're just biased. Love can be deaf as well as blind, you suppose.

You automatically hug him back, though you can't help the way your muscles are just tense. "I've been unsure about this from the start. But it's what you want, and even if it ends up badly, it'll be worse for me, and that... That I can live with."

[07-Jan-17 18:59:24] kindredconfectionery: "Okay, so maybe the cat can hear, but it's still pretty bad." You know what you sound like. You've heard it. Other people have told you that you're really not good and should musically stick to anything that doesn't involve singing. So you generally keep it to yourself when you ignore that advice.

"It's what I want. And it won't be that bad. Stop being such a worrywart." You sound way more confident than you really are, but only one of you can be unsure about this. Jake cornered the market on anxiety, so you have to be the certain one. You kiss him before stepping back. "Whenever you're ready."

[07-Jan-17 19:05:14] judgenexecutioner: You snicker. "Well... we must be related in that area, too. I think I sound so awful. So awful, no one alive today knows how I sound for sure. It's a public service." You're just really, really self conscious.

You huff softly. "I won't until I see for myself how it goes." You normally wouldn't care if it was just about hurting you. But this could hurt him. This could hurt him badly. He already admits that your holy glow you give off us already uncomfortable for him. It could be much worse if it's directed at him. Still... you melt into the kiss, however short it may be. You take a deep breath and a step back of your own. "I'm as ready as I'll ever be."

You find your center, that heated core at your very soul that allows you to judge the souls of the living and the dead. You draw it out of you, and with it comes that bright, holy glow the envelopes you and pushes outwards. John has always kept himself outside of its center, but if he wants to be judged, there's no way he can avoid it.

[07-Jan-17 19:29:55] kindredconfectionery: "Mhm. We'll just have to see about that." At some point, you're going to do your best to make him sing. Not this particular point, but probably soon.

You huff. "Oh fine." You can only do so much in the way of reassurance. There really is only one way to know what this will do to you, and that's to just do it. Coincidentally, you are also more worried about this hurting him than hurting you. It's just how you are.

You watch him, watch the glow form from up close this time. It's hard not to close your eyes, but it's also impossible for you to not try, so you settle for a squint. Your fingers curl until tight fists are formed at your sides, nails digging into your palms. Every part of you wants to turn tail and run. But you know you can't. Even when it starts to bite at you, to touch you and cover you with its holy light, you rigidly remain in place, teeth gritted. You thought you knew what you were in for with this, but sitting off to the side across the room, and even going to the wedding in the church for half a day, hadn't prepared you for it. The only thing keeping you in place now is your sheer force of stubborn will, which anyone who knows you with any depth can testify to its formidability.

[07-Jan-17 19:40:35 | Edited 19:52:40] judgenexecutioner: "No we won't." You probably will. Your stubborn, but if anyone can wear you down quick to get what they want, it's John.

You no longer look human yourself, your entire form looking golden, except your eyes that open up as brilliant white. You feel his pain, worse than, really, but you don't show it. Can't truly show it in this form. You can see that he's in pain, though. You're not even sure if the sizzle you hear is real or just your imagination. So you try to make this quick. " *Cain, Son of Adam. Son of Eve." The voice is booming and reverberating, only heard to John himself, as the process is a near silent one to those looking in. The light flickers for a moment, and maybe in the flicker it could be seen that your skin was burned, raw, bleeding, charred blisters burst over your skin. But you don't show pain, can't show pain, and can't be stopped now that you're reviewing countless lifetimes worth of sins and virtues in one single being. There are many. For both sides. And the major ones flash through John's mind, his life flashing before his eyes. This didn't happen before his death, obviously, and not even before the death of the souls you judge, but not all sayings can be so accurate.

[07-Jan-17 20:09:38] kindredconfectionery: You just look smugly at him. The yes/no thing could easily go all night if you let it, but you have other matters to attend to.

The sight of him up close like this is completely and utterly terrifying. In another life, it might have been gorgeous to the point of awe-inspiring, but this is the only life you have, and it's very much not. You actually flinch when he speaks, half ducking down until you're not even properly looking at him. It's a reflex, immediately flashing back in your mind to when God used to speak to you, a voice coming from nowhere and everywhere all at the same time. At the flickering, you dare to look up again, but from behind your hand, the way someone blocking a too bright light might look around it to see. Are you screaming? You might be screaming. Or it might just look like it. You can't even tell anymore. Your injuries aren't apparent yet, still being internal, like you're being ripped into from the inside out. It's never felt like you're being burned either, but that must at least be part of it from the look of your brother.

You have a lot of life to go through, and very little of it comes as a shock to be seen again, even the ones you've buried so deep you never think of them ever. You're more worried about whether this is going to eat him alive before it finishes, eyes flickering between the mental images and Jake.

[07-Jan-17 20:22:09] judgenexecutioner: It might be that way on purpose. This is a god given gift, literally. An ability bestowed on you by God himself. And even though Kent had evolved to the point where he could hide himself among humans with no way to tell, it wasn't like that in your time, and unlike God, you weren't capable of that sort of evolution.

You're pretty sure your body is dead at this point, that all that's left of it is a burned out husk illuminated by the fierce glow of your own soul. Your internal organs nothing more than pulp, your bones broken in several places. It feels like lifetimes pass; it might have just been minutes though, when your lips part, your voice softly subdued. "Cast down..." And that was the answer. There was no explanation. Not to the souls, not to John, though you knew why. John had done some awful things in his life, some good things, too. But the good was because he was good. The... your brother has a tendency not to forgive himself, and to not accept forgiveness from others easily. That guilt, that weight on him is as much his undoing as the sins themselves.

The light fades, and your body crumples, smelling of burnt flesh and blood. You're not breathing, but that's not really a surprise at this point. This... this was going to be painful. For the rest of the night, you would come alive and die several times, painfully as your body healed more slowly than it took your soul to flicker life back into it.

[07-Jan-17 20:38:27] kindredconfectionery: The answer comes, and while you realize you'd never asked him what he says to them to know what to listen for, it doesn't take a genius to figure it out. It doesn't come as a surprise. You knew it. You'd told people you weren't a good person, and this just proved it. That and what your selfish need to be certain had done to your brother.

As it turns out, you had been screaming, and you keep screaming even as the light fades and reality seeps back in. You can't help it. Jake's body is an utterly horrifying sight. It's only moments later that your own injuries kick in, dropping you in front of him. Your body is discolored with massive internal bleeding all over, as if every blood vessel ruptured all at once. Some of it even seeps out from a few places where your skin has split open. You're not sure if all of your bones are quite the configuration they should be either. Between the two of you, that is going to be some nasty staining on the floor. It's a weird thought, but it passes through your mind. Anything to distract from the pain.

The next thing that does is how sorry you are. You manage to lay out next to Jake's body, doing your best to comfort and apologize to him each time he seems alive enough for it to make a difference. You're healing far faster than he is, but you're not intending to leave him even when you are healed yourself. It's the least you can do after putting him through that.

[07-Jan-17 20:47:28] judgenexecutioner: You want to explain to him. But even if you could at the moment, you're not sure you should. It'd be special treatment. And while John is subject to all sorts of special treatments, including this judgement of his soul before he even dies, explaining to him what his judgement means seems like overstepping boundaries you shouldn't.

It's a thought best left for later...

The truly messy part is how each time your body sparks back to life it almost seems as if you have a whole new set of blood to bleed out. And once your vocal cords are healed enough to make sound, each return to life that leads back to death is accompanied by screams that taper off to pained whimpers. But each time John apologizes, you shake your head, try to tell him it's okay. You'd agreed to do this. You knew what could happen. You're more upset that he was hurt at all. That this could have actually killed him if it took longer than it did. But you're both hopeless that way. Each time you live a bit longer until maybe an hour before dawn when you don't seem to die again. Your breathing is labored, wet sounding, and your skin still looks like that of a burn victim, twitches of pain racking through you, but your insides are healing enough to let you live, and when you realize that, you sigh. "D-don't... don't... look at the answer as concrete..."

[07-Jan-17 20:57:53] kindredconfectionery: You just attempt to quiet him. It's not okay. It'll never be okay. But you are receiving your punishment immediately, at least. Each scream, each whimper, each time Jake dies again, you imagine you can feel it. You know you can't. There's not a power you possess like that, but who needs powers when you have a mind to dream it up for you?

There's no real sense of time for you, and being below ground, no windows to judge the light by. Lucky you. By now, you've healed completely, minus a few lingering bits of pain, which may or may not still mostly be in your head. Heedless of what he looks like, you carefully press your lips to your brother's forehead. You know he's trying to make you feel better about the judgment, but it doesn't really help. "I know it doesn't count because I'm not officially dead yet, but it seems pretty sure to me. And you shouldn't worry about it anyway in your condition. It's not like I expected any different."

[07-Jan-17 21:04:39] judgenexecutioner: There was just no convincing either of you.

The press of his lips to your forehead is a little painful, but you manage to hide that fairly well, even offering him a smile. "It... it's not... it's not concrete... and even... even time in Perdition... I-it... It isn't permanent... A-and I will... I will worry... because I'll be okay. I'll heal. This... this is okay." And maybe it's messed up to you that you feel it's true. You agreed to this, chose this, and were ready to deal with these consequences. "You... you're a good person... w-who made bad choices..." You want to tell him how he can turn it around, but part of the punishment of Perdition was that each soul had to figure it out for themselves and hope that a demon didn't consume them in the interim.

[07-Jan-17 21:19:35] kindredconfectionery: "Please just stop talking already. This is not okay. I put you through it already knowing the answer. Like you were magically going to come back and say I was wrong?" It was one of the few times you'd been one hundred percent certain, and there is absolutely no vindication in it tonight. "This was a massively bad choice. And I'm sorry for everything you had to see on top of it..."

Tears streak your cheeks as it finally hits you that he knows your life now, or enough of it that the rest doesn't matter. It's not like you really knew the process going in, but you still wish you had never thought of it, let alone pushed him into doing it.

[07-Jan-17 21:24:27] judgenexecutioner: You press your lips together gently, then reach up a trembling, smeared hand up to cup his cheek. You want to tell him that it's okay. You want to tell him so much. You know he won't believe you. So instead you close your eyes before any tears can slip free and you breathe out long and slow. "I... it doesn't... change how I feel..."

[07-Jan-17 21:37:43] kindredconfectionery: You don't so much as flinch or make a face. You've been touched by worse. Instead, you lean into it, more tears flowing at his words. You don't understand how he can say that. You don't know if you will ever understand. But you won't deny the gratitude or relief you feel that he does. He's so much better than you. You only hope to be even half as worthy of him as he thinks you are.

[07-Jan-17 21:40:36] judgenexecutioner: You smile, a tear slipping down your own cheek. You take a deep, labored breath, and then you close your eyes. "I... I'm going to meditate through the pain until it passes... S-so you... you should take care of yourself..." You know that after healing that much damage, John has to be hungry, and while your blood is all over the floor, you doubt he'd want to drink it because that would be him benefitting from your pain. Your brother can be so needlessly complicated.

[07-Jan-17 21:57:37] kindredconfectionery: "I'm fine," you lie. You're not. You're practically starving, not that Jake has any way of knowing this, but you're also too stubborn to move until he can. It also actually never occurred to you to drink anything from the ground. It has nothing to do with how it got there. It's mostly old and dirty by now, and you're not that desperate. Probably. You'll live, at any rate, quieting down so as not to disturb his meditation.

[07-Jan-17 22:17:05] judgenexecutioner: "Liar..." Your voice is raspy, but that doesn't hide the fact that it's full of soft affection. Like you hadn't expected any other answer from him, but it doesn't upset you. Your breathing starts to even out, slow and deep, and if it's labored, you know how to get past that as well. You'll be like this for a while.

[07-Jan-17 22:35:21] kindredconfectionery: You just smile at the accusation, your only denial of it to shush him. He's not insistent on you going away to take care of yourself, so you don't, simply laying there with him, eyes shut in your own form of meditation to pass the while. It helps you as much as it does him, even if it's a different reason you need to do it.

#light gore mention #blood mention #death #ask to tag #judgenexecutioner #narrative log #jake does john

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