#and i wont even say anything about instagram because thats how little i used it

[spinecurlingmice]

tumblrs the only place ive ever said stuff to most of my moots but i think its the interface like honestly

[lilastromama]

Rating the Signs as big 3 Placements

(Sagittarius, Pisces, Leo, Virgo)

Sagittarius:

sun: whoopsie, i dont know. Most of them are really great to have conversations about mysterious and weird topics, like aliens and the universe as a whole, i enjoy that so lets put the positive stuff first. What im not enjoying on the other hand, is them being very competitive, even with their closest people. Also when theyre mad, they are gonna talk about u behind ur back and think of very evil and scary ways to get revenge, 6/10 tho

moon: i really do like sag moons. I think i mentioned this in one of my posts already, but: Theyre SO uplifting, supporting and caring! I really like how they always find a way to catch you when ure falling. Maybe theyre extremely stubborn and dont like being wrong in whatever aspects, but yeah, lets put that aside! giving them a good 8/10

rising: Sag risings are really to die for, not trying to be dramatic. Theyre extremely creative, also deep. My first take on sag risings is always "mhm, i dont think it would work out" and then boom, they show you their real persona and whats behind this mask. Really loveable creatures, they just seem a bit off. giving them 8/10

Pisces

sun: I dont like them. Listen here, im not trying to be a bitch and im not the person to feed into stereotypes, but with pisces suns its just TRUTH. they will try to hide their insecurities by acting confident, instead of actually trying to get better, what makes them come off as self centered and arrogant, even tho theyre not. Also most of the time, sorry not sorry, - theyre AWARE of the fact that theyre toxic but wont do shit about it because just sitting and being miserable sounds easier than actually digging into the dark parts of oneself. 3/10

moon: pisces moons are actually very sad to watch. Theyre more on the introvert side than the extrovert, u'd think theyre very quiet and private people. What most dont know about them tho, is that they live inside their heads and if u would take a look inside, u'd be surprised. Their head and mind is their own little world, their own little universe. Its chaotic, always moving. There is so much going on inside of them and if u get to know them, u will find out how deep and interesting they really are. Dear pisces moons, let us be part of your inner world and your beauty, dont hide. 8/10

rising: ohhhh HELL YES. Idk about you people, but to me, they have such a mystical, interesting look to them. Lagoona blue from monster high vibes and i said what i said. Very creative, also intuitive, maybe interested in the occult and so called "taboo" topics. Maybe theyre even activists, trying to help out and raise awareness where they can. Just as with pisces moons: they come off as private people, but probably would have an more interesting life story than most of us. 9/10

Leo

sun: Its a yes from me, but somehow a no, too. Leo women? GIVE IT TO ME! Leo men? well, only if evolved. What i like about leo suns is their confidence and the way they present themselves. U'd notice a leo sun everywhere they go, believe me there. If unevolved, they can be one hell to deal with, i gotta admit that (but also hella fun) - If evolved tho, theyre SUCH angels and actually very aware of themselves and their actions. Theyre the ones to push you to be the best version of yourself, i vibe with it. 9/10

moon: Its actually a yes too! Theyre so complex, hard to understand - but only if ure not open minded! To vibe with them, u have to be evolved - sorry not sorry. If not, theyre going to push you till you are. And that, not really in comfortable ways for you. They truly dont mean no harm and trying to help out, but its really not for all people, especially if ure sensitive. Keep an eye out i guess and let them do their job, u will thank them sooner or later. 9/10

rising: yeah, idk. To me, theyre fake leos and im not even sorry ☠️ They come off as leos, but not really in the same font. Instead, to me, theyre way worse! Its like those cheap nutella-copy products ur mom wants u to buy. To me they have more of the traits that virgo suns have. Perfectionists, egocentric, analytical but not in a good way - and always searching for something they can talk and gossip about. They constantly break down ur life instead of worrying about themselves and call it "trying to help" - (No darling, u just like putting ur 2 cents in that no one asked for) 5/10

Virgo

sun: once again a no, im sorry at this point :( Even tho i have to say, YES they seem very kind, caring, even supporting and accepting, but if u look closer, ure finding nothing of it all. They are always up everyones ass, as i mentioned in one of my posts aswell. Just like pisces suns, theyre making themselves something they arent. I actually believe they could be such great friends, they just have to better themselves and watch how theyre handling their own emotions. Both of them project their insecurities onto others and make it their problem to handle. Please, virgo and pisces at this point: Get ur hands dirty, do shadow work and you both are great to go! 4/10

moon: oh well, we're talking about me here (this doesnt better anything to be honest) - I feel like virgo moons are very, very serious when it comes to their own feelings and mind, theyre warding it from anything or anyone. Thats where i think they have something from scorpios: They want to know everything about you, but you cant know anything about them and if so, you probably get rejected sooner or later because it would be too dangerous to get hurt. Very analytical, skeptical and calculating people. We really need that emotional safety to actually come out of our comfort zone but IF we do, u'll get to know a new person! still complex tho- 8/10

rising: I dont wanna start a new stereotype but: Am i the only one that kind of noticed how virgo risings look like those pinterest-indie-kids? Its either that or the grunge kids u always see on instagram as an outfit inspo. Im actually invested! They really possess that motherly/caring vibe ure instantly familiar with and feel comfortable around, im a definitely a fan! 9/10

[blxetsi]

HIIIII!! can i get a pieck finger dating headcanons if that’s alright with you of course? your stuff makes me soft, stay safe!

yuh ‼️ tysm for your request

pieck finger dating headcanons (modern au)

pieck finger x gn!reader

warnings: literal fluff, no angst or anything i love pieck

- bc pieck is assumed to be like 23-26 this wont be a uni au or anything

- idk i rlly think you guys wouldve met in a mundane way

- like you bump into her on the sidewalk and try to the really awkward "oh im so sorry i didnt see you there- no really it was my fault- are you sure youre okay ?- okay great- no im not hurt- yeah- okay have a good day and again im so sorry !!" thing with her

- and then maybe you guys see each other again at a coffee place, youre there with your friends and shes there with hers, and you dont wanna talk to her obv bc that would be awkward

- then ur friend makes u go and order another coffee for them, and while youre waiting for your order pieck comes and stands beside you

- and shes very observant yknow ?? if she sees a face its very hard for her to forget it

- so she immediately recognizes you and blurts out "its you !"

- and you have to be like "oh yeah ! it is me ! its you too"

- she finds it quite cute and giggles about it

- a very laidback person but also a very blunt person

- she doesnt find any harm in asking "can i get your instagram @" look she doesnt wanna be a creep and ask for ur number right at the start

- and it gives her a chance to find out what kind of person you are

- it would absolutely suck for her if such a cute face was posting fishing pictures and alt right propaganda yknow ??

- so you two do and then both of your orders come so you two give awkward goodbyes before going back to your groups

- her instagram is very pretty, nice themes

- she posted a couple of hours ago, with her and her friends in a park, taking a couple of posed photos while some looking like they were natural

- shes adorable and you cant help but feel your cheeks go warm as you basically stalk her page

- she dms you and says "are you too busy looking at my feed that you havent followed me yet ?" and you see this mf staring at you across the room like 👁️👁️

- okay nosy lets calm down now 🙄🤚

- you try to defend urself but ur typing so quick you keep making errors in your writing, she ends up saying something else

"you know, i was doing the exact same thing. youre beautiful you know"

- thank you pieck 🥰

- over the next couple of weeks thats how you two communicate. she'll send you instagram memes and edits of her favourite shows, movies, games etc. and you find yourself having a lot in common w her

- you check her story so frequently it becomes one of the first accounts on the top of your homepage

- and FINALLY, when she feels she can see you as a friend and not just some pretty stranger she met on the street she asks you out

- it was a simple thing, just to the movies, and she even let you pick which one !! (imagine its pre covid idfk)

- you two go and its an awkward hug before you both head inside

- you pay for your tickets and she gets an extra large popcorn and a drink

- you assume shes just v hungry but before you can order yourself something shes like "what are you doing i got this for us !!"

- rlly cute bitch omfg

- during the movies, after she eats literally most of the fucking popcorn, she pulls your hand out of your lap and holds it with her buttery one 🥰🤚

- this bitch had crumbs and didnt even think to wipe them off

- you still held her hand tho anyways

- after that night you parted ways in front of the theater after making sure you two would be getting home safe

- and that became routine for a couple of weeks, not going to the movies obviously bc thats expensive but watching movies together !! youd go over to her apartment or she would come over to yours

- one thing about pieck is that shes very touchy

- one way or another she will end up cuddled with you on the couch

- it doesnt matter if its you being forcefully pulled on top of her body or her draping herself over you like shes a blanket, you two WILL be cuddling and you WILL enjoy it

- but finally, as if the gods gave you mercy, she finally kissed you

- it felt so nice, her lips were soft and sticky from her lip gloss and she tasted like the swedish berries you had gotten for her to munch on

- and the rest of the movie you two just sat there, kissing each other and giggling like teens

- she ended up staying the night, and complimented your bedsheets

- your relationship moved pretty fast after that

- she had already told all of her friends about you, they werent very surprised

- when you got officially introduced her friends zeke and porco tried to do that whole "if you hurt her.." speech before she slapped them and had marcel pull you away to safety

- other than that the night was very fun, you got to talking about your career, why you moved to the city, and other mundane topics

- pieck is actually a graphic designer, and everytime she comes to sleep over she just HAS to bring her laptop with her

- its basically just her laying in between your legs while she types away, youll pet her hair and lay soft kisses on her neck, and occasionally ask what shes doing

- she likes to tell you, has no problem in answering the questions you have, even if you think theyre stupid ones, shes very soft with you

- also a bit of a trickster

- for your first april fools together she slept over, you didnt have anything planned for her bc youre a good person and wont hurt the ones you love

- she stuffed your breakfast muffin with mustard 😁👍

- you gave her the cold shoulder for the rest of the day until she apologized by getting you a new muffin

- now she always dropped the l bomb to you, but she never needed you to say it

- thats why, when you were helping her cook dinner at her place you softly said "see ? and thats why i love you" she kind of,,, stopped what she was doing

- you realized why she wasnt washing the knife she used to cut your vegetables and tried to backtrack, but it was too late, she was already tackling you into a hug and taking you down onto the floor

- she just gave you kisses while repeating "i love you i love you i love you" over and over again

- bc of her you burnt ur fucking chicken smh

- you spent that night eating junk food and watching movies

- piecks a very observant person, so she always knows when youre sad too

- when you give that little huff when you come home to your (new !) shared apartment she knows something is up

- she'll slowly trail behind you as you walk to your bedroom, stripping to your underwear and changing into your pajamas

- you crawl into bed just wanting a nap to forget about the day, and she'll crawl in with you and hold you

- you never like to cry but youre so frustrated and upset at your coworkers, at that rude customer, at those deadlines, that you just breakdown

- and she lets you, she lets you almost suffocate yourself in her chest with how much your pushing your head into it, she strokes your hair while you choke on your own cries and hands you tissues when you need to blow your nose

- "what do you need my love ?" "i just need you" "okay baby"

- communication is a big thing in the relationship, and because shes been so open and honest from the beginning, talking about how you feel has never been easier

- in fact, you like talking about how you feel about your relationship, or how you didnt like what pieck said to your friends the other day, this and that, you feel comfortable and safe with pieck no matter what, which makes talking about even the most hardest things seem so simple and natural

- all in all, even when she wakes you up with spontaneous ice cream dates or asks that you put raisins in the popcorn during movie night, even with the fights and the crying and the exhaustion the next day, life would be much duller without her, and you only have to thank your clumsy self

uhh i feel like this is very short but yeah ❤️ requests are open so go crazy mfs ‼️

[bashhowardproductions]

Its absolutely insane to me how much social media has damaged my mental health and the way i interact with the world and soo much i wish you would all stop reading the myriad of studies saying that and responding "well this isn't true" or "my mental health was damaged by OTHER stuff, this is just how i cope" because its not fucking healthy.

Like when i started using tumblr regularly my family noticed a SHIFT in me. One of my sisters wouldn't even speak to me(like actually hold a conversation, not just pleasantries) for years because I had become a fundamentally angrier and more reactionary person.

And i cant even say "i wish someone had told me-" cause they DID. everyone said "get off social media, its changing the way you think!!" and i refused to listen!! because everyone online, everyone who i valued the opinion of and was having the same experience as me, told me it was fine!

Social media has made it to where i cant watch anything, read anything, hear anything without looking on a website to see the opinions of everyone else. Not even to see different perspectives, but essentially to see who has the "right opinion" and who has the "wrong opinion". In some cases my opinion changes. In other cases, my opinion of other people has changed. And thats not good!

Idk, i thought of this after typing up a three paragraph anon response to a previous anon i has sent to someone i DONT EVEN FOLLOW because I got clowned on a little, then realized, i dont even respect this person enough to follow them. Why do i give a fuck about defending my opinion to them? I know i think its right. I know whatever i send back, their opinion wont change. Why interact if i know the outcome is just going to be a snarky, condescending clusterfuck on both sides.

I say all of this because there's a shift happening again, and not a good one. In 2014, when I started using tumblr, it was very much "lol we're the WEIRD site no one knows about us, we're so COOL." then it shifted to "oh god this is an unbearable wasteland and we're all stupid for being here" and now.. we're flipping back to the first one, in the form of "this is the only BEARABLE social media, since the staff is incompetent and they arent ADVERTISING to us." yet people dont understand that is still bad? I mean, at least facebook and instagram users can blame their addiction on algorithmic manipulation. What can tumblr users blame? Echo chamber style posting and the general love of mob mentality being fundamentally attractive to people.

Im not going to sugar coat this. Im not going to feed you "curate your own online experience" and "tumblr is only good if you treat it as your little room youre decorating ☺" bullshit. Get the fuck off social media. That inclides tumblr.

[btsnamkookvmonminjoon]

BTS vs Blackpink rant

oJust need to get my thoughts out! I’m not a Blink, but don’t get me wrong I like some other Kpop groups like Mamamoo and TXT and some songs from other groups but I don’t stan them. But BlackPink has never had that kind of music I like. I don’t like that their main songs these couple of years sounds the same, they don’t have a message there just like songs. I like some songs that don’t have messages but then they have to be really catchy for me to listen to them. But lately a lot of artists have started bringing a message into their songs a lot more, like Lady Gagas “Rain on me” its a bop and it also has a message behind the music. Mamamoo also stared to bring more story to their songs, like Hwasas “Maria” is about her telling her past self that she is beautiful despite what other says, and “Hip” was also a song about being yourself. Just like BTS always try to send a message with their songs. I can’t stand the fact that BTS got 69M views deleted by YT but Blackpink only got 4M views deleted, why? I do believe that BTS has a bigger following then Blackpink, a lot of people just listen to BTS and no other K-pop, so how can it be that Blinks broke the record? I know that BTS got over 100M views in less then a day but still it doesn’t show because of YT, if their next comeback will be the same as “ON” comeback with deleted views then YT is so fake and I hope BigHit stop posting the boys MVs on YT and then YT will see the power of ARMYs who wont stream and who wont “promot” BTS on YT and they will lose a lot of traffic becasue we will all be on Wewerse or Vlive to stream the MVs and break our own record on those platforms.

I also saw a clip of a girl who were a Blink but isn’t any more and one reason was because Blackpink doesn’t interact a lot with fans thru social media, they have their own twitter and instagram but all they post on insta is branddeals and nothing showing what their up to and also their “vlogs” aren’t vlogs its just behind the scene stuff. While BTS has their own platform like weverse and their twitter to communicate with their fans. On weverse they sometimes respond to fans and you can tell they do that because they want to not because they “have” to by their company. Like Tae that invites fans to play games with him and stuff. JK also wrote a song telling us how much he misses us and relesed it for free on soundcloud, does the memebers of Blackpink do that? No, I do think it’s because the company YG really control them a lot but hey, if they want to make money of the girls at least let them interact with their fans because as long as they don’t relese a song fans will stop carying for them I think just because they don’t get anything out of it, just a couple of songs here and there but not much else. BTS releses content every now and then and gives us things to watch and listen to and they do it because they love us not because they have to because the company tells them to. And another thing about BTS is the story how they got so big, its a beautiful story and no other k-pop band has gone thru that kind of journey and had so much hardships as them and they know a lot of their success is because of Army because they stood by them from the beginning. Blackpink was in a top agency and had the budget and the success from other groups like Bigbang to kinda rest on. They’ve been a group for 3 years and is the biggest girl group in the world BUT still they don’t have that much songs, BTS hade over 50 when they had been a group for 3 years, this is mainly because of YG BUT the girls should try a little harder to get more songs and get more involved because it’s getting boring I feel like. BTS has members who write their own lyrics and lyrics to their songs and the one that never dies “Spring day” was RMs first song that he wrote the whole chorus to and it’s still the most listened spring song in Korea and its 4 years old, HELLO! BTS sets records with their albums and their charting so I would just forget about the MV views because Blinks only have a couple of songs to stream on YT whiles Armys have a whole setlist for a concert to watch and thats why Blinks get the records for the MVs a lot faster then BTS because we have soooo many MVs to watch. I would say what matters is the sales of the albums and the songs and there Blinks can’t even start to compare because Blackpink doesn’t have that many albums and songs and BTS will always have the upper hand there. I don’t think Blackpink will ever perform at the BBMAs or Grammys because they doesn’t stand out as much as BTS because ARMYs around the world promote BTS so much more then Blinks. And for BLM BTS didn’t go out telling they donated 1M it was the media letting us know and what did ARMYs do? Yeah we raised 1M as well in less then 24h, did Blinks do that? Did Blackpink do that? No, you never hear about Blackpink donating to any charity while the members of BTS almost always donates on their birthday for some cause but they never tell us about it its always media snooping around and getting that information. BTS will remain the biggest k-pop band in the world while I feel like Blackpink will die out because their company doesn’t do as much for Blackpink as BigHit does for BTS and I think Blackpink will disband when their contract is over because they don’t want to be at YG anymore and I feel like some of the members want to do other things then being an Idol while BTS loves their fans and wants to do everything for them. MY rant is over.........

[pinkykitten]

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before Headcanons

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before 

Warning: did not re-read srry 

Requested: By @mega-trash-cringe To all the boys I’ve loved before head cannons?

Authors Note: i was gonna add lara jean but i didnt so if u would like her (i only do her with male) headcanon or anything fic related pls request i will write it! did u guys see the news for tatbilb 2? they r gonna add jordan fisher which i love he was in like the other casting of hamilton but he sings so good and i just love him. then they r also adding ROSS BUTLER OHMYGODIMSCREAMINGIMSOEXCITED!!!!! like if yall know he is one of my bbys i love 13 reasons why and i love everyone from there and he is just such a sweetheart <3<3<3 this is a bit long especially peter’s part so enjoy! 

Peter Kavinsky 

first off your guys relationship is real

you met when you um...fell face first in front of everyone on the track court (lol i hope thats what its called cuz like girl my school was CHEAP we didnt have anything like that)

he was like your knight in shining armor

“whoa whoa whoa (gotta add those whoas) you okay there y/n”

now since that day you two are inseparable 

legit are COUPLES GOALS

piggyback rides™

like whenever you feel way too tired to walk or anything (cuz ur lazy like moi) he literally will pick you up like you dont way a thing and put you on his back

you also trying to get him on your back but you fail miserably and you two end up laughing so hard

you two sharing a shake or something at the cafe

 if there is a song he likes or you like he will be the one to say “lets dance”

you of course refuse cause you’re shy and there are legit people trying to eat

“c’mon girl you gotta dance with me”

almost like begging

finally give in and you two will start dancing in front of everyone

standing on his toes while you two dance

nicknames

will pick you up from school or literally anywhere

COUPLES BRACELETS

that boi never takes it offfff, like never

tells you everyday how beautiful you are 

even without makeup and you are full of acne and look like you just got ran over he will kiss all your pimples all over your face and tell you how cute you are and how much he loves you both ways

he legit is a sweetheart icanttakeit

taking long trips into town or across town to your favorite stores

already knows what songs you like and puts them on the radio just to hear you sing

oh boi oh boi when he hears you sing its like he’s fallen in love again

“god babe, you sound amazing. i wish i sang like you”

two would dance like crazy teenagers in his car

him trying to sing to you

holding your hand while driving which you slap him for that, “all hands on the wheel kavinsky”

likes it when you boss him around

when you go onto bus rides with him or in his car across town he will buy all your favorite snacks

ALL. OF. THEM.

loves buying you gifts

almost everyday he is buying you something

THIS BOI IS SO EXTRA I SWEAR!!! 

going to a field trip you will probably (lol i used to but i fell asleep against the cold window and like i had no one who sat by me...*all by myself by celine dion starts playing in the background*...im fine) fall asleep and if your neck is turned into an uncomfortable position peter will straighten it out for you and place your head gently on his shoulder

giving you kisses all over while you’re sleeping

also many many many many many many pictures of you sleeping, awake, eating you name it that boi’s camera roll is all full of you

changes his background to his phone like everyday!

SUPER PROTECTIVE OF YOU

especially at parties

he will have his hand resting on your hip or just resting on you so people know not to mess with you

if someone starts to bully you or hurt you in any way peter will threaten them and make them super scared

no one messes with his baby

have any fights he does ignore you but he cant ignore you for long cause he loves you and you are just so cute and sweet and you always make it up to him

have any issues with your fam or friends and you need to sleep over his house for some time just to find yourself he lets you and you sleep either on his bed or if you’re not comfortable he makes a bed on his floor that he sleeps on and you sleep in his bed

comforting you all the time when he sees your sad

cuddles

ever have your period he will get all your snacks and get anything you need

pads? hes got it. tampons? “girl i got that already covered.” chocolate? please he on that too. 

holy smokes you both have a couples handshake that lasts longer than professor x and magneto’s beef with each other

both text each other memes and vines

oh god vine references 4 DAYS SON

he is so understanding of you

yours guy thing i know is so weird but is watching like all the housewives shows

peter has his favorite and you two watch it in his bed cuddled up

he trash talks the tv and like starts with his, “nuh uh girl whatcha think you doing?”

aint ashamed or embarrassed to watch it

like during school hours he will go up to you while you’re in a conversation and its like “remember baby housewives day!”

when you guys go to a library you read for like a what 3 seconds and then you two make out in the corner and the librarian has to interrupt you two stating that its too noisy

all in all peter is your baby and you would protect him with your life, he’s your soul your everything and he feels the same way about you two your relationship is so vanilla and adorable it makes grown men cry

Josh Sanderson

you started a relationship with josh after he and margot split

it felt wrong to you at first and you tried to push the feelings away

josh is such a cinnamon roll

he is always so kind to you

he makes sure you’re okay and happy

you couldn't push him away any longer and decided to accept him as your boyfriend

at first pda was strange because of his relationship with margot but soon you showed it in baby steps at school around town

now holding his hand seems normal to you

hes the first one to text you

his texts are beautiful and so heart felt

like poetry

he is such a gentleman

listen to you with all his heart

sleepovers always on sundays

as you lean on his shoulder he reads to you and you fall asleep

go to school together, he downloads all your favorite music or favorite audibles and puts the other ear plug in your ear so you two share

or watch hilarious videos of like fails or gordan ramsay (*sigh* the perfect relationship)

sometimes you two act out his things on the cooking show tv

yeah with the accent

people look at you two like what have yall been smoking

already talking about when you two have kids and like what house and the name of those kids

“okay but we should also have a dog in the mix and name him something like cactus”

god hes just so adorable sometimes you wanna cry

during break in school you two go to the bleaching boards or whatever you call those seats and you sit on his lap

best moments to kiss 

you also share snacks

play all the time heads up

come over to his house to study

but we all know its just to make out

having moments when you feel self conscious or insecure he sits you down on his lap or across from him and looks you straight in the eyes making you do the same and tells you how amazing you are and important to him and how much he loves you

since you sleepover his house so much you two have matching pjs

PILLOW FIGHTS ALL THE TIME

he rants to you and discusses with you about comics

wants to name his kid tony for tony stark

“c’mon babe tony sanderson sounds pretty cool you have to admit”

fishing trips all the time

YOU CANT FISH AT ALL

you endure for his sake

teaches you about all the fishes

you buy him a fish blanket

now you two cuddle with it all the time

masks

you bring over your clay mask or those really really slimy ones and make josh wear one

“oh my god how do you even wear these things?”

the black mask one that hurts as well

he almost cries

you kiss his boo boos

take pics like that with the mask on

take cute and weird pics for instagram

NECK KISSES

wearing matching outfits 

compliments you so genuinely and lovingly all the time

if you ever hurt yourself or like cut your finger he will get so worried and kiss it lightly

“there all better baby”

OF COURSE ITS BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!

you love sitting on his lap

he nuzzles into your neck almost like a cat

making him things legit makes the boi wanna cry

lovez baking together

is such a help in the kitchen he wants to make sure he’s involved

pinky promises with the little kiss at the end

“till the end princess”

you just practically wanna marry this man

Tag list: @harrington-lover, @angelgl16, @perfectlybeautifulsuit, @hyehoney, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag), @leasly, @totally-alexa21, @creamy-pasta-boi, @multireese, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @prentisskelley, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @andreaoreas, @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople, @collectiveyou, @wtfisalltherandoms, @fangirl-4-life415, @dirbel, @marwantr

wanna be tagged in my crap? comment!

[peacedolantwins]

Can’t Unmiss You but I Need You Now (E.D.)

A/N: for the anon who sent in the request for I’m so Tired, here is it, I know its like.. two weeks later BUT I FINISHED! i definitely feel like I got off track oops so is it my best? no I dont think so but let me know what you guys think, enjoy maybe?

You dont even know what you two were fighting about at this point anymore. Your day had started off so great, you and Ethan both excited about the plans you had for later on tonight. It was Valentines day and the plan was to have a nice dinner together then come back to the house and finish showing each other just how much you loved the other. Somewhere along the way both of you ended up getting way more stressed than either of you should have been. Ethan forgot about something last minute he needed to do with Gray, which turned into two more tasks. You were feeling stressed because the dress you had planned on wearing had a huge rip in that you know wasnt there before so you were trying to find something else in your closet and not only that, but when you had gone to the store to pick up the gift you got for Ethan the store couldnt find it in all the orders they received. During this time you had been texting James who said he had a dress you could borrow, you were about to ask why he had a dress on stand by but he just said it was one Laura had left over before and he thought it would look good on you. He offered to do your makeup for you but you knew it would take way too long and time wasnt something you had right now. You still had to go back and finish getting ready for tonight but you thanked him nonetheless.

Ethan had come home a while ago and was waiting for you in the living room. You were finishing putting on your makeup when he came barging into the room.

“We were supposed to leave 20 minutes ago Y/N- you’re not even dressed?” He raised his voice towards the end which was putting you on edge considering the day you had.

“Give me five minutes I promise I’ll be done,” you sighed. He never told you what time to be ready by to be completely fair but you didn’t want to start something when you were supposed to be having a nice time together.

“Just forget it completely, there’s no point now,” he started taking off his jacket.

“Excuse me?”

“You already took too long to get ready, we were supposed to be there by now and the restaurant wont take us if were late to the reservation and at this point were-” he stopped to look at his watch, “five minutes late.” He looked at you like all of this was completely your fault and you were in no mood to be putting up with this.

“Ethan you never told me what time we were leaving at! Sure we may have missed the reservation, but babe we can go somewhere else,”

“Why? So we can wait for hours with everyone else who didn't care enough to plan for today?” He spat back at you. “Just forget it. Do whatever you want, I'm gonna go to James's party with Gray so dont wait up,” with that he grabbed his jacket again and walked out of the room leaving you shocked and confused as to how this day went so bad so fast.

You didnt want to just sit around the rest of the night so when your girl friends texted in the group chat about their plan to go bar hopping you said you were in and they would be there to pick you up in half an hour. You finished your makeup and went to put on the dress your friend gave you and you took a moment to take in your appearance because damn. The dress was a bit short and hugged you in all the right places and you can definitely see why he gave you this one to borrow for tonight because you had to admit- you looked good.

The red satin dress ended just inches away from where your legs met you body, the plunging v-line cut let nothing to the imagination and it showed off your waist in all the right ways and once your friends texted they were outside, you threw on a cropped leather jacket and out the door you went.

~~

Ethan arrived at the party with Grayson and after a questioning look from James he left to walk around the house. He knew he had gotten a bit over dramatic with you earlier but he was stubborn and as much as he wanted to, his pride wouldnt let him go back and apologize and try to make things better. He was surrounded by people he barely knew and most of them were here with their significant other. They were playing some sappy love song in the kitchen and a few people were dancing along to it. He watched on as a couple just held one another and swayed together to the song. Every song they were playing seemed to remind him of you and he couldnt help but think about how he just left you at the house alone. Ethan knew he had over reacted but he had wanted this day to be perfect for the two of you and as the day went on, nothing had gone as planned and being late to the dinner was the final push. He was upset with himself for how he talked to you and he knew it wasnt your fault since he never did say what time to be ready but the damage was already done.

He wasnt even having fun at this party, Grayson had even come around a few times to tell him to stop looking so down because people were getting worried about him. Honestly at this point he just wanted to go back home and try to apologize. As he was about to take out his phone to text you, he got a notification that you had posted to your instagram.

Your friends had tried to cheer you up and you were doing your best to not be such a buzzkill when they were trying to have a good time, and apparently the only solution you all could come up with was to make sure you were the first one drunk. As soon as you had all gotten to the first bar, they were already ordering a round of shots and also trying to pick which drink they should make you drink and since they couldnt decide, you ended up with two cocktails. You had all taken a few pictures in the bathroom mirror, as a group of drunk girls naturally does and ended up posting a few to your story. Now, a few hours and way too much alcohol, the idea of getting you drunk enough to have fun worked. For a while. You all seemed to forget that while you were fun drunk, you also had a habit of getting extremely emotional. You’re friends had already cut you off after the amount of drinks you had already had and once you started for asking the bartender for something stronger after every drink you had.

While one of your friends sat there with you to take care of you before the night was over, you heard the song you and Ethan would always play when you were in the car going somewhere. It was something you would always do together and now here you were listening to it without him on what was supposed to be a happy and good night for the two of you. There really was something that made it that much more sad listening to it by yourself now.

You couldnt help but think about how he was spending his night. Was he having fun with Grayson at James’ party? Did he even miss you? Was he spending his night talking to other girls while you sat here, drunk and tired on your friends shoulder? Was he going to come back to the house tonight or would be spending the night there? You had so many questions but you were scared about what the answers would be. You had wanted to text him earlier but your friends had taken your phone within the first 30 minutes of picking you up and saw how much you kept checking it to see if maybe he would text you first. That was about 4 hours ago and even though you had gotten into an argument, you missed him.

You missed spending time with him. Sure, you two had had fights with one another before in the past, but you never left each other upset. You two usually just went to opposite sides of the house to calm down before one of you ended up apologizing to the other. This was the longest one of your fights had ever gone on and it was worrying. Even though you didn’t think the fight was your fault, you didnt care right now and just wanted to talk to him.

Your friend finally gave you back your phone because the notifications kept going off.

E: Babe, I’m sorry

E: I saw the picture you posted, you look good

E: I hope you’re having a good time

E: Call me when you get the chance please?

E: It’s been a few hours now, if you’re still mad thats okay, just let me know youre okay

E: Y/n, please call me or text me

E: I know this is my fault but let me know you’re okay please? I’m getting worried

E: Its been over three hours baby and y/f/n isnt answering either please call me

You knew he was used to you having your phone on you at all times so you not answering him must have had him pretty worried. You might have planned on giving him the cold shoulder for a little bit, but you never wanted to make him worried about you.

You: I’m okay, sorry didnt mean to worry you

His reply was almost instant.

E: It’s okay mama, glad to know youre okay, have fun with your friends just text me if you need anything, I’ll see you at home

While you did have a good time with your friends, you were done for the night. You just wanted to go back home and cuddle up in bed ideally with your boyfriend even if things weren’t so great with you guys right now.

You: Will you come pick me up please?

E: Is everything okay?

You: I’m fine, I just wanna go home

E: Sure, send me the address and I’ll text you when I’m there

After you sent him the address, you found the rest of your friends to let them know you were leaving soon. They were bummed out you wouldnt be there with them for the rest of the night, they all said goodbye and gave you hugs before they went back to dancing with some guys they found. You waited by the bar nursing a glass of water, already knowing your head was going to be killing you in the morning. When your phone went off, you walked outside to find Ethan waiting by the entrance and he quickly wrapped his arms around you.

“I’m sorry about today babe, I didnt mean to talk to you like that earlier.” He placed his head on top of yours after placing a kiss on your forehead.

“S’okay.” You were already falling asleep and he was just so soft and warm.

“It’s really not, but okay, come on lets get you home before you fall asleep right here.” He lead you back to the jeep and helped you in, making sure your seatbelt was on. On the ride back, he kept the volume low and he felt your hand slip into his when you’re guy’s song came on. He brought your hand up and kissed the back of your hand before putting your hands back down and rubbing his thumb over your knuckles. Somewhere along the way, you fell asleep with your head resting on the center console and didnt even notice the car had stopped moving.

Grayson had already gone back to the house so Ethan texted him and asked him to come open up the front door so he could carry you in without having to wake you up. While he had carried you before in the past with no problems, turns out carrying you drunk and completely dead weight wasn’t the easiest. After struggling to figure out how to lift you out of the car, he figured he could put Gray to use.

“Watch her head,” He stood right there next to Gray while he picked you up, not wanting you to get hurt.

“Dude chill, I’ve got her, relax,” Grayson easily carried you to Ethan’s room and placed you on the bed before leaving you two in the room. He took off your makeup the best he could and grabbed you one of his shirts but he couldnt figure out how to get you of your dress without waking you up because it really was tighter than he first thought it was. He didn’t want to wake you up but he knew that was the only way to get it off you.

“Y/n c’mon get changed then you can go back to bed,” he gently shook you awake and couldnt help but laugh at your annoyed face before you begrudgingly stood up to take off the dress. He watched you struggle for a minute trying to get the zipper down before he went over and unzipped it for you. Once it was down far enough you practically ripped off yourself before throwing yourself back down on the bed in only your underwear, not even bothering to put anything else on. Having already woken you up enough, Ethan decided to just let you be and put the blanket over your body before grabbing another one and getting ready to head to the couch.

“Where are you going?” you sleep filled voice startled him since he thought you were out like a light.

“Shh, just go back to bed babe, I’ll be on the couch,”

“You don’t want to sleep with me?” His heart broke at hearing how upset you sounded and he knew he had to fix this before you got worked up and started crying. He knew drunk you had a tendency to cry a lot and he had to work quick.

“What? No mama, of course I do I just didn’t think you would want me here with you. If you want me to stay, I’ll stay here with you. I wont leave I promise.” He came back over to his side of the bed and climbed in and soon found himself with you already draping yourself over him.

“Stay,” you mumbled into his neck, getting comfortable.

“Always,” he placed a kiss on the top of your head before pulling the blankets up to cover you both and went to bed feeling so glad that everything was going to be okay with you two.

[onceuponadetectivedemigod]

Somebody To Love

Part 5

Pairing: Female Reader x Ben hardy Warnings: language, explicit references to sex but no actual smut, alcohol Summary: Roger Taylor’s daughter (you) has just gone through a horrid breakup after finding her boyfriend in bed with another girl. When she gets a job as an assistant on set, whether ready or not, she falls for Ben. Chapter summary: After dinner the cast and you head back to Lucy's trailer. Joe decides to make everyone play 20 questions in order to set you and Ben up together. Word Count: 2,166 An: If you’re looking for a long to listen to obviously somebody to love but also  I HAVE A WHOLE DAMN PLAYLIST FOR BEN HARDY to which you can find here: Ben’s Playlist New songs are added regularly! (Also I made one for Lucy and Tigerlily Taylor and all my other Celeb crushes so just HMU if you want any of those. I highly suggest James McAvoy [thats my favorite playlist tbh] but also new songs are added to those regularly as well). Also Thanks to @di-in-al for your help on this! Love you!

gif by: @benshardy

The night dragged on. Everyone had so many questions for your fether and Brian. Lucy and Rami looked as if they were going to snog, all night. You and Ben, however, both were quite quiet. As dinner finished you all got into the appropriate cars and were headed back to set to drop you and the cast off.

Joe cleared his throat. "So, I think you owe Lucy 3 pounds." "The night is not over yet, Joe. She has until midnight. It is only 6:30." Lucy winked at you. "Besides I was going to invite everyone to my trailer so we can all get to know eachother a little bit more." "That sounds very Cinderella-esque." Joe said. "Then call me her fairy godmother, Joe." Lucy smiled back him. "What about you, Lucy? Get anywhere with Rami?" Sarina asked, causing Lucy to blush. “Um. Yeah. No. I don't really know. I don't think he is interested." She said, turning more red by the second. "Darling, he is QUITE interested." Sarina said. "Just because you can't see it dear, does not mean we cant either. Y/N? Anything on Ben at all?" "Nope. In fact, he probably said 15 words total to me all night." you said, disappointment flooding through your voice. "I am sorry, dear. But, you did say that you didn't want a relationship right now." Sarina spoke softly to you. She may have wanted you out of the house but she did love and care for you. "I don't. But... I don't know. There is something about it. I have this feeling, like... Maybe I meant to just be with him, even if it's in the friend way. Like I know he is going to be important in my life, if that makes sense." You said. "That is exactly how I felt about your father. I mean yeah, I was super excited when I got to meet one of my biggest celebrity crushes, but when I actually talked to him, I knew he was going to be much more to me than that." She smiled through the rearview mirror. "Personally, NOT THAT I COULD ACTUALLY TELL CAUSE YOU KNOW I WAS AT THE OTHER END OF THE TABLE, having a wonderful conversation with Anita actually," Joe started. "I think he just looked nervous." "You will get your chance, darling." Anita said. Both cars pulled onto set and everyone stepped out. Sarina hugged you and whispered 'good luck' in your ear. The boys headed back to their trailer to get in comfier clothes. Brian, Anita, Sarina, and your father headed home. You and Lucy walked back to her trailer. She let you borrow some sweats and a t-shirt. Then you heard a knock. You opened the door and the 4 boys were standing there. You ushered them in. "Lucy is still getting dressed in comfier clothes. She will be out in a second. You boys need anything?" you asked. They said no as they sat down on Lucy's couch. "So....anyone up for twenty questions?" Joe asked, throwing you a look. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ben's POV (first person) "So here is how the game will work since we have multiple people. We will split upon pairs. I am going to go with Ben first, Gwyl go with Rami, and Lucy and Y/N. And then we will switch off." Joe said. I'm not really one for Twenty Questions but I guess its a good bonding exercise for the lot of us. Lucy had come back into the room before Joe assigned us to our person. "Okay Im gonna be here on the couch, Gwylim is gonna be over by the bathroom. Lucy gets the doorway into the bedroom and then we will choose where to go from there." Joe continued. "Now go my little darlings." I was already seated next to Joe. "So what are doing exactly?" I asked him. "Is that your first question?" He asked me. "Yes. Is that yours?" I said raising my eyebrow. "Yes. So are you going to ask her out?" "Who?" He mean't Y/N, he must have picked up on my nerves from dinner. I was so scared to talk to her all night. I figured I would try to hide that I knew he knew. "Y/N. Are you going to use the game?" "Are you insinuating I like her?" "I don't know am I?" He raised his eyebrow and winked at me. "Yes, you are. Do you really think I like her?" My heart started beating faster and faster. "Yes. Did you really just ask me that?" "Am I that obvious?" I started to get a bit nervous knowing that everyone knew I was starting to crush on her. "To me yes. To her, she thinks you don't like her. Did you guys talk about it in the car?" "Yes. I asked Roger if I could ask her out. Did you guys talk about it too?" Maybe she liked me back. "Yes. So are you going to ask her out?" "I don't know. What did she say?" "Can't tell you. If she likes you then you get a girlfriend if not you get experience on rejection. Are you scared?" "FUCK YES." I said that a little too loud. Gwyl and Rami turned and looked at me. "Uh. Will you tell me if it was good or bad?" "No. Are you that scared, bro?" "Mate, I'm terrified. Will you tell me anything you talked about in the car?" "Sure. Are you going to ask me right?" "What was said in that car?" "Well, Sarina knew Roger was important to her as soon as she met him." Joe smiled knowing full well he was hurting me by not telling me what Y/N had to say. "Okay! And... What else Joe?" He came quite close and whispered in my ear. "Lucy likes Rami. Was anything mentioned on your side?” “He totally likes her.” I whispered back. “This is all cute but I’m worried about Y/N. Will you PLEASE tell me?" I said, hoping the please would help my case. "No. Are you that worried?" "The more we talk about it, yes.  Umm Do you think she sat next to me on purpose?" "Yes. Also she was trying to keep me from you and Gwylim. What did Roger say about it?" "He said he didn't have a problem but that the last guy was a jerk and she may not be ready for a relationship. Does anyone else in the car know I like her?" "The whole car does. Does anyone else know Rami likes Lucy?" "All of us. What about your car?" We kept glancing at Rami, I think he was picking up on our conversation. "Everyone. Women are pretty good on picking up on that kind of stuff. What number are we at?" "I think this is 17. Sound right?" "About yeah. So are you going to do it?" "Do what?" "Ask her out. Are you going to ask her out?" "Yes. Do you think Rami will ask Lucy?" "Doubt it. Are you going to do it tonight?" "Yes!" I said, my heart filling with temporary courage. "This is the last one right?" "Yes. What's your Dog's name again?" "Frankie." The thought of my little girl made me happy. I love my dog so much, she was less my dog and more my daughter. "Is everyone ready to move on?" Joe asked as everyone shouted yes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Y/N's POV (first person) Me and Lucy actually took Twenty questions seriously. There were a lot of questions on what alcohol we preferred. I had played with Gwylim and Rami. I only needed Joe and Ben at this point. Ben was playing with Gwylim now. "What did you a Ben talk about?" I asked straight off the bat. "Not telling you. You and Lucy?" "Alcohol. Why wont you tell me?" "Took a vow of silence. Just alcohol?" "No, but it was pretty generic stuff. Did you ask him about me?" "Yes. Why are you so curious?" "That bet. What number are we on?" "Four. How have you already lost count." "Dont know. So this is five?" "Yes. Why do you care so much about the bet if it's only 2.97 pounds?" "Because if I don't do it, I'm kind of a coward for not following through.  See what I mean?" I asked him. "Yeah... So are you going to ask him out during your round?" "I don't know, I only have until midnight right?" "Yes. What time is it now?" "11:30. Ugh why is it so hard to ask someone out?" I was getting frustrated. I only have 30 minutes left. "It is only hard if you like them. Do you think he likes you too?" "I don't know. When did you become so wise?" "Jurrassic Park days. Are you scared?" "Hell yes. Does he like me back?" "Not telling you. If he does, you get a boyfriend, if not you get experience with rejection. Is that what you are afraid of?" "I literally caught my boyfriend in bed with another woman. Of course I'm scared of rejection. Why would you ask that?" "Good point. It looks like everyone but us somehow finished. Want to cut it early at 12 and say we did all twenty?" "Yes! I hate this game! Don't you?" "I set this up for you kid. See you on the other side. SWITCH!!!" Joe yelled. This meant I was about to ask Ben out. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (Third person POV) "So umm... favorite color?" Ben asked. "Blue. Why wouldn't you talk to me during dinner?" Y/N asked almost immediately. "Wow. That was unexpected. Um, I was being pestered by all the boys in the car. Was kind of pissed off. Did your dad teach you to play drums?" "So that's why. No he never did. Why were they pestering you?" Y/N pushed. "I made my dog an instagram. Did he teach you any other instruments?" "No. That's cute. I want to follow your dog." Ben's heart fluttered when Y/N called him cute. "Whats the username?" "Here it's kind of long, let me type it up for you." He typed the username into instagram and clicked follow for you. "Good?" "yeah. She is really cute. So Gwylim called you Benjamin, is that your real name?" "Nope. Actually it's just Ben. Did you hear Rami likes Lucy?" "I did. I also know the feeling is mutual. Did you?" "Joe told me. So are you staying the night here?" "Yup." You had run out of questions to ask him. You knew you had to ask him soon. You were so nervous though. You were so scared he woudk reject you. But you were more terrified of not getting an answer. You had to ask him, and if you didn't ask him now, you probably never would. You were trying to come up with a question to stall maybe a little bit longer until you decided you were just going to do it. You had sat there for a good 25 seconds before you decided, YOU WERE GOING DO ASK HIM NOW. But the same thing was running through Ben's head. Why were you taking so long to ask a question? 'Here is my shot. I should do it now.' "DO YOU WANT TO GO ON A DATE WITH ME?!" You both shouted in unison. You both sat there shocked for a second. "You... I thought... I was..." "Yeah... Uhh... I..." Then you both started laughing. "Well it's nice to know I wouldn't have gotten rejected." Ben said, scratching his neck. "haha yeah. Umm I don't really want to rush into anything, though. You know?" Y/N said "Yeah. No. I totally understand that. I didn't plan on rushing into anything." "This is all quite funny and all cause you know... Last night we did it." "WOAH WOAH WOAH WHAT?! WE DID NOT-" Ben started but you cut him off. "wait we didn't?!" "NO. NO. I WOULD NEVER-" "OHHHHHHHH. It's just everyone made it seem like... And I don't really remember... No one clearly stated..." Y/N struggled to get it all out, Realizing how stupid you felt. But hey at least that means you will get to remember your first time, especially if it is with him. "I DID. Next to your dad." "You didn't look to sure." "That is the exact same thing your dad said." He said plainly. Suddenly Lucy stormed in. "It is 11:48. Keep your 2.97." She smiled at you and walked straight back out. "What was that?" Ben asked. "She dared me, for 2.97, to ask you out because she knew I liked you you, and she had a feeling that you thought the same." you explained. "Wait? WHAT?! AM I ONLY WORTH 2.97 TO YOU? DO YOU EVEN ACTUALLY LIKE ME? WOW A FUCKING DARE?! Nice to fucking know." With that he stormed out, leaving you in utter shock. Taglist:

@mcuandhp @mrsmazzello @murydedeus03 @inlovewithmycarboi @fuckinghurricanesoul @apinkwhisperscollector @bloodyantichrist @unicorngummybears @mr-stank-i-dont-feel-so-dank @cosmiclunas @brianapasteur @lelifesaver @bitemerog @sevenseasofrog @jelly-snow-stark @hopefully-aesthetically-pleasing @im-a-mazzellhoe @lady-renlyn @justonks @imagesofeveryone

[zepdeans]

there’s not a lot I can say about s3 that hasn’t already been said (and articulated 200x better) but! here are some of my (albeit dumb) thoughts :~)

ep1 -isak leaning against the bathroom wall gets me EVERY time its such a powerful scene esp introducing you to s3 and tarjei..... spare some talent for the rest of us please -LiTeN gUtTeN fRa StRaNgEr tHiNgS -isak rly ties his pants w a shoelace...... -isak noticing even for the first time bc of his laugh.. whew.... also. i love this intro SOOO much bc its so non-monumental? theres no dramatic music or whatever but its not subtle.... like you know right away o shit love interest!! hello sir!! bc isak’s expression watching him :’) i could go on -isak is a bad liar HOWEVER this only applies to stupid nontrivial things e.g. the black sweatshirt. but when you look at him lying about like, his sexuality, he hides that shit well -”c00l” isak. i hate u so much -honestly all u have to do is look at even for .2 seconds and u can tell this boy has had a crush for a solid month bc he just looks awestruck (HOWEVER henrik’s acting is *chef’s kiss* bc its subtle enough to go undetected b4 you actually know eVEN SAW HIM ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL) -even isak and emma all sitting on the bench together is funny enough on its on but then a song called threeway comes on and like. julie sdshjsfdjfkjskd ep2 -there’s something so endearing about even’s handwriting idek what -i LOVE even’s video w mikael it reveals so much about him to us- how weird (ok we saw how weird he was w the paper towel thing but) and dorky he is? and his love of film! his view on love stories and how he sees the world :( but it also shows a lot abt isak because he saw even making stupid jokes about vladimir putin and was like yeah we about to fall in LOVE love -isak not using headphones to watch even’s video or r+j?? bde or general incompetence what’s the verdict guys -the isak watching r+j scene hits so hard like yall ever think about isak lying in bed at 3am staring at the ceiling probably thinking about how he’s never gonna get a beautiful world-shattering romance like that like ..... also him changing positions skam get out of my life go away ur too realistic -not to make this even more self-projection-y but isak simultaneously being the least emotionally vulnerable person ever but crying during r+j > -i made a post abt this already but even’s INTENSE staring vs isak’s “i have never looked anyone in the eye in my life” gets me it says so much about their characters -even said i see your bde move (asking me to buy you beer) and i raise u with my own (inviting you to my house after faking not having my id) -”if you listen to music” even is such a dick fsdjhsdff -when the message comes on...... i rlly do owe julie my life huh -”have you heard about my rapping?” “I have actually” have we talked about this enough????? 1. isak finally feels comfortable enough w even to flirt and his first move is to RAP for him jesus christ. keep in mind this is the same man who pulled that smooth af ibuprofen line w emma like...... 2. even has heard about isak’s rapping. either this means im-not-on-social-media even went out of his way to go thru homeboy’s instagram OR isak’s rapping is actually talked about. i- -the group chat messages. cant believe i forgot about the 2016 clown epidemic

ep3  -mahdi is a good friend and i love him. thank u -even wearing isak’s cap until he chucks it at him sjksfjsdjsd -how much yall wanna bet isak’s been listening to illmatic on repeat since last friday thinking abt even (even tho meeting sonja shattered his heart a lil) [also kinda an aside but i think a lot about how isak n even bonded over rap and how some homophobic lyrics in 90s etc rap might have impacted them? or how that little detail ties into julie’s story? e.g. halftime by nas, which is on illmatic] -whats worse. even staring into isaks soul wearing a size xs see-through white t shirt or isak staring at even for five (5) seconds before chugging his beer and immediately making out w emma. OR even crashing that party before it can start “i think you guys are bonding too much” cheesy ass shjhfsdhskdf -yall act like evak didnt invent hands. did even shaking isak’s shoulder telling him his apartment is nice mean nothing to u -im convinced robyn wrote call your girlfriend for this scene specifically bc how could anything fit so perfectly by coincidence -is anything better than egging isak on- even bech naesheim (2016) -idk if yall have read the scripts but i love the sock thing so much bc its soo true to how isak thinks and it makes everything so much more interesting and !!!

ep4  -i will never get over even sending isak bad seinfeld memes -even smacking open isak’s locker. first of all whew second of all u think as soon as he got into the stairwell he lowkey cried bc ow -parallel of isak saying “it’s 2016, why are you religious?” to sana vs. emma’s “it’s 2016, get out of the closet” to isak anyone :( -”takk sanasol!!!!” thank u isak for my life -I wanted to be with you aloneeeee -even’s face when he sees the pool like we get it youre a director -how many times do i need to say even is such a dick sjkfsd “does it look like i care about my hair?” “usually but not right now” like this would only work on isak i love soulmates!! -even just.. fully choking isak out ssdhgfd got em -when the first notes of im kissing you start ooh boy -even going in for the kill kiss and isak going from huh to oooo shit and pushing his lips out at the last minute. phenomenal 

ep5 -ngl as soon as im not in love comes on my heart goes uwu bc like!!!! that song the meaNING.... them......... i jus love this scene sm like theyre in their own little bubble and they both feel so comfortable and at peace :((  -even leaving isak comics about an inside joke of theirs like yall mind if i scream -isak feeling left out from the conversation and his friends whew i felt that... and having them talk about how gross it is to makeout with a girl w facial hair?? blease :( -taking stock of isak’s nicknames: issy k, isabell, izzy, baby jesus, -im not even gonna bother trying to articulate thoughts on Pause bc it’s a literal masterpiece. thank u tarjei henrik and julie for inventing television with this one  -MAGNUS SDFKJSDFJKDSHK "oooh my name is Jonas and I love idealism and reading klassekampen and I don’t like plastic and I skate on a skateboard made of sustainable wood and wear old clothes because new clothes are bad for the environment and I only drink recycled water” screAMMM -what i said abt pause also applies to pride ugh its such a powerful scene and!! the beginning of kicks to isaks stomach. honestly what i fucking love about this episode is how it goes from hell yea best day w even ever to crying in the street within one week (s3 had the best balance of angst and payoff thanks) -even’s Soft Party Flannel... forever tainted by this scene rip -not knowing why even kissed sonja keeps me up at night -speaking of. how used and stupid isak must’ve felt when he saw even completely unbothered, hooking up w his ex at this party?? whew :( -bros is one of my all time favourite clips solely bc of the music?? lift me up gives me chills and when hold my liquor starts i LOSE it -ep5 and 6 remind me of that quote “to see what your characters are really made of you have to break them” because julie rlly goes all in and god it hurts so good

ep6 -never have i ever seen insomnia portrayed as accurately as tarjei did here and i remember when i first watched the cantina scene i was like. winded bc its SO true to sleep deprivation whew -i really like that isak wasnt together with even when he reached out for help and came out to jonas. bc it was him, on his own, being strong enough to talk to his friends and then eventually he was confident and secure enough in himself to be in a good place when even started reaching back out!! -i have no idea what its like to come out to someone, to be afraid of your friends rejecting you, everything isak went through. but tarjei’s acting of when, like, you have something you KNOW you have to tell someone, and youve put yourself in the position where youre going to have to tell them, but youre terrified and eventually just force yourself SAY the words??  -and isak’s smile when he realizes jonas is gonna be his bro no matter what :’)))

ep7 -weirdly one of my favourite isak looks (black t-shirt grey snapback c-c-c-combo) -”what’s your name again?” have i mentioned i love sana and isak bc i love sana and isak -jonas truly is the best friend oh man. perceptive, thoughtful, loving, laidback, a friggen BRO. tbh i was wary of him in s1 and thought he didn’t treat eva well (tho I recognized he loved her a lot, he was just bad at being a boyfriend) but jonas in s3?? just goes to show how powerful your perspective of someone can change viewing them in a different role!! because while jonas was a crappy bf, he literally is SUCH an incredible friend and his actions and words and just! him! in s3 completely redeemed any illwill I had towards him :’) -maybe im a little gay (up there with other s3 comedy classics such as “thats a boys name”) -mahdi season WHEN ugh a legend -’when someone asks isak if hes going to a family party’ literally what other reason for living do i have if not to read the boy squad text convos -isaks locker finally opening and his smile at evens drawing whewwwwwww!! also even rlly is that guy who wont text you back but will leave hand written love letters in ur locker -also. another stellar look from valtersen -slutt a meld meg is a whole masterpiece like what other piece of media has the RANGE -eskild: play hard to get. jonas: no smiley!!! isak: nah fam im good B)

ep8 -this episode is BEAUTIFUL bc you feel practically euphoric?? like hell yeah theyre finally together!! isak is out and accepted and even is done with sonja! but theres also this unsettling undercurrent of worry bc you know deep down something isnt right? why is sonja calling isak? why is even acting kinda strange? whats going on? yknow?? -literally never going to get over 5 fine frokner :~) even is such a goddamn nerd and he’s the man of isak’s dreams can u believe!!  -sana’s little speech is SO important in so many ways ooo i love her so much -also have we discussed eskild making evak do a photoshoot for him. highkey those are my favourite pictures of ALL time u can tell even was like hm strange but im down while isak was more omg guys stop🙄 omg haha eskild i cant believe youre making me cuddle with even for a photo🙄 i cant believe ur making me snuggle this dude for a pic!!!! definitely would not have done this otherwise!!! -magnus only realizing it’s THAT even after seeing how isak looks at him. whew -isak is so brave i rlly love that kid! his text to his mamma <3 -no r*make will EVER nail text conversations like mari/julie did w evak’s this week thanks for coming to my ted talk. i'd quote the best ones but it would literally double the length of this post (ok ill cave. “hahaha shut up❤️” GETS me) -you dont know whats in store but you know what youre here for. hallo -isak running around oslo with even’s clothes looking for him :( his heart is so big he cares about even so so much -when Part II (on the run) comes on in the credits its like a kick in the teeth honestly

ep9 -ive already screamed enough about cherry wine but god it fucks me up -cannot put into words how much I love eskild and how good of a person he is, he just has so much love in his heart  -”wait they have waffles here? see ya” -this convo is why i love skam so much!!!! magnus giving insight and good thoughtful advice to isak was such a brilliant move by julie (also truLy heartwarming) bc like. magnus is a flawed layered character! he’s dumb and ignorant and not very careful with his words BUT hes also such a sweet guy. i genuinely dont think he would hurt a fly and him talking about vilde (in ep10) is ;-; bc he really likes her and respects her and wants to be a gentleman! hes so loving and just. yeah. also i wonder if isak and magnus (and vilde) ever talked about having mentally ill parents and lent on each other for support bc like....<3 [sidenote- this is why i HATE b***** like they absolutely massacred magnus’s character and magnus did not deserve that!] -det er bare slutt........ very cool of tarjei to invent acting here. also the character development makes me WEEP like at first isak lied and told his pappa it was over bc its easier to brush stuff off and say you were joking than be vulnerable especially about 1. having a boyfriend and 2. saying youve already broken up?? but then isak was like hey im done with lying about who i am bc i want my life to be REAL and he told his dad the truth even if it was hard and even if he was trying rlly hard not to cry  -isak reaching out to even<3 standing up for even<3 -o helga natt. another scene i genuinely cannot comment on bc u cant really put into any written language how magical and breathtaking and heartbreaking and powerful and brilliant this scene is. so. -jk. obvs i cant say anything intelligent enough to give this scene justice but probably the most stunning piece of television i have ever had the privilege of watching. even’s text breaks my heart every gd time (esp since we never really see this side of him before finding out he’s bipolar? his guilt, insecurity, feeling like a burden, being scared of losing everyone in his life because he thinks he’ll hurt them). the music is SO beautiful i cry real tears as soon as the strings start. also the brilliance of JUST o helga natt playing and no dialogue except for isaks one line? isak’s realization when he sees the cross. him RUNNING across oslo to go to even. the FLASHBACKS all going backwards in chronological order until them smoking on the bench. isak looking at the bench and not seeing even and u can feel his heart breaking and urs breaks too! but then he remembers the bathroom and he turns and theres even and whewwww. du er ikke alene<3

ep10 -minutt for minutt is THE most healing clip im telling u. and like.. seeing even depressed really is hard and as someone who was very very depressed for 4-ish yrs of their life it rlly hits me? like when youre in an especially bad funk and you cant get out of bed and youre just numb and exhausted and feel so shitty and u want to be alone but you really dont???? could go on but literally i owe henrik holm my life for his portrayal of even  -not to be a soft bitch on main but when isak tucks the blanket over even and it keeps getting pulled off his back so isak just. covers that spot with himself? -i do love that call between sonja and isak bc once again! a flawed (realistic) human being -and isak thinking its his fault even is depressed? it means a lot that sonja told him its no ones fault, even is just bipolar. and i wonder if isak felt that way about his mamma as well, guilty for her being ill, and if what sonja said made him feel better about that situation too :( -lowkey random but when isak is rambling really fast and he goes “maybe we’ll get bombed tomorrow and talking about all this is a waste of time” it continually punches me in the throat bc that is /exactly/ how i ramble and think like tarjei........ pls -like eskild said. there really is so much love in isak’s little grumpy teenage body<3 -isak no longer just passively accepting life as its given to him, now he fights for him and even!!!!!  -isak is such a forgiving person and seeing him able to just accept things and move on? incredible -i remember when i first watched ep1 i was like oooo even and isak are gonna be kosegruppa partners and thats when theyll first get together, cooking food or smth!! but lmfao after episode 3? kosegruppa whomst???? also hilarious vilde thought isak of all people would willingly sign up for kosegruppa just to go to revue parties -even and linn friendship!!!! -cannot articulate how mf heartwarming it is to see even smiling and being more himself after being depressed (also thank u julie for having ups and downs coming out of his depression- its so true to life having one day when youre feeling awesome and then the next you feel awful again for no reason and its SO frustrating) -I had to stop watching passe pa meg cause it made me toooooo crazy! it would just be like: “I like seeing you laugh” and I was like: *SCREAMS* -im the fucking master of lying 😤 -literally don’t know why isak and even ragging on kosegruppa is so funny but “did you think I joined to have fun” gets me every time -I SAW YOU THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL -also even literally radiating love @ isak watching get snarky w vilde on the phone bc it reminded him of the first time he saw him! even rly is that boyfriend who thinks isak being pissy is the Best Thing he has Ever seen -halla boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiz -literally the glo up of isak telling his friends the order in which he’d bang them -No filter! wow I love symbolism -so nice to see the girls together for a lil bit :) -the boys hyping up mags while also telling him to be respectful awwwwww -take desperate to a whole new level- Confucius  -who’s going to show isak how to properly hold a beer can -literally evak banter gets me thru the day. thank u tarjei and henrik for having phenomenal chemistry + improvisation skills + making isak and even the dumbest nerdiest boys i have ever seen -biology partner. and friend. ;-; -even literally is the biggest stoner blease -isak’s talk with eva is just sooooo<3 and not to be emo on main but every single word of the last few sentences he says hit me so gd hard because i feel the exact same way in my BONES -livet er nå 💛

final thoughts :( <3 -this season is so special. it feels like one really long oscar-worthy movie or smth?? i cant even exblain, its just magical. ALSO very dear to my heart. -julie really said you guys have seen isak sad and alone and repressed for the past two seasons so heres him falling in love with the best person in the world and coming to terms with who he is and being brave and opening up and finally being happy and living a real life -this season definitely feels different from s1/2/4 to me editing or production or music smth wise? as in, its got a lot fewer aesthetic shots and the cinematography seems a bit different if that makes any sense???? I also think this is the season most focused just on the main (i.e. not many- if any? sideplots going on) -literally will never get over the thought, love, and detail put into this season. when i say there is literally nothing i would change about it, i mean it and coming from my nitpicky ass??? means a lot lmfao. the acting, directing, music choices, symbolism...... sublime -s3′s cold rainy autumn aesthetic makes me ACHE for fall and also nostalgic for a highschool experience I never had lmao?? also. all the nighttime clips >>> -don’t know what else to say except thank u skam for my life

[grcy-blog1]

⌈ kim taehyung, cismale, he/him ⌋ hey, is it GRAY SIWOO that you’re looking for? you know, the TWENTY-ONE year old STUDENT. typically i see them hanging around ROAST CAFE so you could try there! i hear they’ve been in living in SAUGATUCK RESIDENTIAL for HIS WHOLE LIFE. gristol wouldn’t the same without them, right? anyway, whenever i see them they make me think of ripped jeans, colorful retro sunglasses, painted nails.

some quick info:

full name: gray siwoo

age: 21

date of birth: june 10

gender: cis male

pronouns: he/him

orientation: bisexual

occupation: student

allergies: peanut

zodiac sign: gemini

ok so gray was born and raised in gristol by his parents. his mom moved very young from korea to study abroad ( law more specifically ) and decided to stay when she met his father ( politics major ) and the two of them fell quickly and deeply at a very young age. however her family didn’t agree to it so she decided to cut them off even though she was very attached to them, so gray doesn’t know his family on his mother’s side at all. never spoke to them, don’t know what they look like, anything.

she didn’t come from a wealthy family but his father did!  once gray’s grandfather passed away his father being the only son took over their real estate brokerage business, making their lives way too easy. despite having her degree, his mom decide to dedicate herself to her family only and her kids, spoiling him rotten and giving literally everything he wants. gray could pretty much get away with everything if he pouts, which has helped him into his selfish and manipulative behaviors where he needs to get what he wants one way or another.

however, in order to shape him into a decent human he could get anything he wantedin his parents terms. he wasn’t handed everything, his dad was very rigid about that. instead he had to work  for it. do chores around the house, get good grades, that kinda thing. that really shaped him into a working man dhsuidfh ( even though most of the time his mom would let him off said chores )

TW DEATH

his mom was the sweet one in the house, but when gray was around 12 his mom fell sick and they discovered that she had leukemia and gray watched as his mom was no longer her best-self and never left her side to her last breath. his father was never a very loving type of father and often times he wanted to protect gray from seeing his mom that way but even at 12 years old gray was very mature and refused to let his father take away his time with his mom. the day she passed away was the day gray disconnected from his father completely, he blames him for her death and refuses to believe that now they can have a relationship when he spent so much time busy with work and away from them. gray still suffers a lot with her death but he never lets it show, not wanting to be vulnerable around others and doesn’t really want to worry his sister more than he already does.

he tries to not let the sadness and all the negative feelings take over him, figuring that his mom would want him to be kind and respectful to others like she was. he misses her dearly, she was his everything.

END OF TW

his dad has been the MAYOR of gristol for a couple years now, still a couple to go and will probably run again. gray thinks it’s hilarious that he can’t even take care of their house, how could he handle a whole town? but doesn’t say anything, in fact he takes advantage of his dad’s title to do whatever TF HE WANTS

his dad is also lowkey a homophobic and is that type who sees two guys kissing and public and cringes and comments about how its an indecency but wont do the same for the straight couples lol so gray prefers to hide that he kisses boys too from him but for everyone else he is out n proud ok 

at school gray was always kind of popular, he had his group of friends of course but he was naturally very social. he liked to talk and make people laugh and that continues through this day. he’s very sarcastic too which can be funny and because he’s a gemini he has those mood swings so pls be patient, sometimes he’ll be funny and cheerful and sometimes he’ll lock himself in his room for days without explanation

he was always very into music and was classic trained since he was a kid. that was very important to his parents. he can play piano, guitar, he can sing but he doesn’t think he can so he avoids the whole thing, loves playing though, especially the piano. catch him randomly playing just because at 6 am to wake up everyone because he’s THAT annoying lmao

his father demands a lot out of both him and expects him to be the perfect son and beCAUSE of that he goes against everything his dad wants. he wanted gray to attend politics school as well so he could be like him but gray decided to take arts instead, which he loves btw - he’s very artsy and loves to paint, draw, do some digital art and all that

he’s not a very big spender thankfully ( except w clothes tho ) , he likes to save his money even though thats never really lacked in his family.  he has plans of eventually leaving his father’s house and moving somewhere else away from him, the only reason why he hasn’t yet is hana. he can’t leave her. he’s simple, but likes to dress well and is obsessed with technology, he always has to have the newest phones, notebooks, watches, video games etc

very addicted to his phone and social media, instagram specially, in fact he likes to posts his art content and everything he does in there, updates his story all the goddamn time, i’d say he has a big following bc homeboy has a pretty face

a little bit of a hoe not going to lie, he’s very flirty and loves seeing his charm work on people, he tends to not let it go very far unless he feels very attracted to the person, he’s not the type to go fuck randoms and all that, he needs to have some type of connection before he gets intimate with someone

he can be a little hesitant to get close to people because he has major trust issues but once u get him talking there’s really no way to stop him, loves to roast and tease people just to be cute, he likes attention

a gentleman, he’s the real boyfriend material. he will open the door for you, carry your bags, carry yOU if you say you’re tired, go out of his way to make sure you’re comfortable, he’s your servant feel free to abuse it

however there are times where he snaps out of nowhere or just wants to be alone and is mean all suddenly but after will act like nothing has happened lmao

EXTREMELY affectionate, likes to touch hold hands hug kiss, he likes it when people play with his hair but all of that only applies to people he’s comfortable with, if you don’t know him well don’t touch him

[ anxiety tw ] he suffers w anxiety a lot due to his mom and stress and fighting w his father, sometimes he disappears and that’s when he’s having a crisis. he has panic attacks when its at its peak and he works out a lot and does yoga and all that as well as taking medication to keep it all at balance for his own sake [ end of anxiety tw ]

tries to eat healthy and watches what he eats a lot, he used to be chubby for a bit as a kid and that pushed him to work on himself which also makes him a little insecure about his body and his appearance. it’s still a little hard for him to believe that someone could be attracted to him and it’s also hard for him to just take a compliment without turning it into a joke.

neat freak, likes everything organized and clean and will freak out if you come over and mess up his room or go through his things

has terrible luck with relationships but never says no to love, tbh he’s a hopeless romantic and loves the chase. loves to gossip and he’s a bit shady when he doesn’t like someone ( which is not often this boy has a heart of gold ) fiughduf

omg i tried to keep this short and failed miserably

here’s some possible connections but i’m always up for anything

friends, ex-friends, enemies

someone who pretends to like him but actually talks shit about him behind his back

exes in good terms, exes in bad terms, there can be a few exes fjfgsdfhf

some sort of toxic relationship where they’re playing w each others feelings

flirtationship

someone he has a crush on but the other doesn’t or vice versa

a best friend, give him some bros pls

A CHILDHOOD best friend pls i love those

cousins, neighbors etc

party friends

iDK class mates

family friends

will they won’t they type thing

first kiss, first times etc

ENEMIES, people who just dislike him for any reason

someone who used to be friends w him but for whatever reason they have stopped talking ( perhaps a fight ) and now it’s either awkward as hell or they’re on their way to working things out

hook ups, friends w benefits etc

someone that likes fashion a lot too so they can go shopping together

work out buddy lets go

someone that likes his content on insta and knows him from there iDK

idk i’ll think of more later i swear

hit me up for plots love yall im excitED

[hold-me-dolan]

DM’s: E.D. x Reader.

A/N: Hi guys, this is my first EVER imagine/fan fic/whatever. But please don’t judge me too hard, and try to learn to love me lol

Warnings: college behavior  

--

The Dolan twins. Ugh. Where do I even start?

You haven’t even been a fan of theirs for a month yet but they had already stolen your heart. There was so many things about them that you adored. The thing you loved most about them was the way they seemed so sincere when they were addressing their fans.

Before you watched the Dolan’s YouTube videos you knew them from their Vines. You thought they were just another set of guys trying to go big time from their good looks and humorous behavior. But that was back when they were about 15 years old. It wasn’t until your younger sister made you sit down with her to watch their YouTube videos. At first, you were annoyed and acted like they were too young for you. But as soon as she showed you their survival video, you had a thing for Ethan. He was the kind of guy you always wanted: he was funny, sarcastic, immature, and always making fun of his brother. For some reason this made you smile.

Even though you loved both of them so much, there was something about Ethan. That boy just made you smile more than you thought was humanly possible. Anything he did made you go wild. And yeah, his twin brother, Grayson, was extremely hot and so sweet, but Ethan’s goofy and dominate behavior made your insides quake. That was when you were determined to make that boy YOURS.

After watching a few of their videos, you looked both of them up on social media. You were soon aware that Grayson had way more followers than Ethan. Finding this out made you sad because you knew that Ethan was just as hot as Grayson, but he had a different personality. Not that you didn’t love Grayson’s sweet and loving demeanor, but there was something about Ethan’s humor that made him your favored twin. And for some reason, you couldn’t figure out why Grayson had so many more followers than Ethan. Almost as immediately as you were saddened by this fact, you became happy. The fact that Ethan had less girls flaunting over him made you smile. You knew that you might have an even better chance of getting Ethan’s attention since more girls were obsessed with Grayson.

As a college girl, you went to a few frat parties. You didn’t make it a point to go out, but one night when your sorority sisters influenced you to go to a social you found yourself kind of drunk. Getting drunk wasn’t something your normally did, but you thought that you would let yourself get loose after months of staying locked in your apartment.

Because you were kind of drunk, you found yourself more confident than usual. You were introducing yourself to almost every guy you saw, and teasing them about anything and everything – since that’s the type of girl you were….

----- BACKGROUND: your whole life you grew up only being friends with boys and you were closer with all your male relatives. You didn’t like girls, so it shocked even you that you were in a sorority. Most people just thought you were a tomboy. But only you (any probably your parents) knew you only liked boys because you were majorly obsessed with boys. Ever since 1stgrade, when you found out about “kooties” you were embarrassed about liking boys. That’s why you always hid your obsessions with friendships. The fact that your friendships never turned out to be something more made you really upset, but you never let anyone see that side of you. You always went along with it, and acted like one of the boys. Even when your best friend called you “one of the boys,” you weren’t upset. You led yourself to believe you were truly a “boy.” You thought you would never find love, so you found peace in the fact you always had boys to love you, even if they were just friends. ----

(NOW) Once you realized you truly in fact loved Ethan, you decided you would let your guard down. You decided since he and his twin were so famous, you had nothing to lose and you could show your true emotions. That’s when you made your mind up and decided you were going to get Ethan to notice you, no matter what.

You knew that the twins had so many girls loving them, and your little messages wouldn’t be noticed. So you messaged them on Instagram. You weren’t shocked that they didn’t reply, let alone they didn’t even read your message. You were upset but not really since you knew how famous they were. That was, until one night when you were very drunk.

Most times when you got drunk you just went back to your apartment and fell asleep. This night, though, you were feeling really lonely because you saw your sorority sisters pairing off with boys from the party. Your tom-boyish personality made every guy love you, but deep down you knew it wasn’t what you wanted. You played it off, acting like you loved being every guy’s best girl-friend. But when you were drunk, you always showed how you really felt about never having a boy for yourself.

On this night, though, you decided to take your shot. You messaged Ethan, only, on Instagram. The alcohol gave you an extra boost of confidence, even though you knew he still wouldn’t see it. You messaged Ethan,

           “I love you so much, please say ‘Hi.’”

You went to bed smiling, hoping to get a reply from Ethan.

You woke up the next day to the sound of your alarm clock with a pounding headache and regret from all the things you did from the night before. You tried not to think about the fact that you challenged almost every guy you say to a shot gun race, saying you could beat them (even though you did.) Thinking about all the beer you consumed made your stomach ache, and you rolled over trying to fall back asleep. It was 8 a.m. and you decided you weren’t going to make it to your 9 a.m. You fell back asleep and tried to forget about the embarrassing things you did the previous night.

You woke up later, checked your phone, and noticed it was 1 p.m. You were happy that you ~somewhat~ got rid of your hangover by sleeping it off. You decided it was a good enough time to officially wake up and check your phone. You were still hungover and somewhat dizzy, when you saw an Instagram notification saying “message from @ethandolan.” You assumed it was a fan account, since you followed a few and liked a lot of their posts. You first checked all your texts and snapchats from your friends making sure you were okay. Once you got through those, you clicked on the Instagram app on your phone.

You scrolled through a few posts, then you decided to check out the Dolan fan account that messaged you. You assumed it was just some crazy girl trying to get you to make them more popular, and you rolled your eyes. When you swiped over to your messages, you thought you were more hungover than you thought – maybe even still drunk!

You saw the blue checkmark next to ethandolan and you blinked your eyes. There was no way Ethan really saw your message, or even messaged you back. You closed your eyes for a moment and blinked before looking back at your phone screen. Then, you really thought it might be the real Ethan Dolan that messaged you.

You got really excited and clicked on the message immediately. You saw your message from the night before, and quickly got a sense of embarrassment. Your cheeks were burning up, and you closed your eyes again. Thinking about the message you sent Ethan the night before reminded you of all the embarrassing things you did at the frat party.

Once you got over your regrets, you looked back at your phone. You read the message “Hey girl! You’re so sweet! Me and Grayson really appreciate your love!”

You dropped and screeched. There was no way THE Ethan Dolanmessaged you back. Once again, you rubbed your eyes and blinked several times. Then you realized it was in fact the Ethan Dolan. You blushed more – if that was even possible – and quickly thought of a response:

           “You don’t even realize how happy you make me.”

You locked your phone and dropped it, still smiling at the fact that ETHAN DOLAN answered your DM. A few minutes later, your phone buzzed. With your heart racing, you jumped and looked at your phone, only to see a text from your Mom. Supposedly you sent her a ~drunk~text the night before, and she wanted to make sure you were okay. You answered her, and tried to play it off that you were not as drunk as you actually were.

Just before you were about to get up and shower, you got another notification on your phone. Thinking it was your Mom again, you scoffed. When you looked at your phone you realized it was ETHAN. AGAIN.

You quickly clicked on the message, and saw:

           “Don’t say that.”

As you were about to type, you bubbles pop up. Eventually, you read his next message:

           “Y/N, I promise I don’t do this. But… what’s your snapchat.”

You had literally never smiled more in your life. You gave it a couple minutes before answering him. Almost immediately after you sent Ethan your snap username, you got a notification saying “Ethan Dolan has added you as a friend!” You could not believe what was happening. You clicked on the notification, and added him back. That’s when you thought nothing good could from this. Your heart would be forever broken if he wanted nothing more than just another fan on snapchat, to prove Grayson he had more fans.

--

A/N: please lmk if you want a part 2! Idk if I'm any good at writing this stuff, but I find it fun (lol, right.!) yeah so message me if you want more, or if it was terrible just tell me to stop :) I won’t be offended considering I haven’t written short stories since 4th grade. Also, I haven’t used Tumblr since 7th grade, but I'm trying to get back into it :)))))) maybe I shouldn’t lol ok goodnight!

[nocancer]

Tryna by Cancer moon

Before Young T went to bed he poured a glass of water and looked out the kitchen window to his backyard and noted how the snow made 3:00 A.M. look like 6:00 P.M.. Only difference being that if he stepped outside with his glass of water to the seeming twilight he wouldn’t be able to hear the rush-hour traffic like he usually could if it was Friday and 6:00 P.M.. Young T didn’t bother going outside because the snow was still falling a little and it’d be there when he woke up. And the neighborhood would still be silent, as it always was.

Young T woke up and his fan was still humming its white noise which he needed to sleep at night even though it was January and his dad was reluctant to leave the heat on over night. The small fan sat on his dresser and was pointed away from his bed towards his window which emitted a sharper and more blinding afternoon light than what he was used to. He checked his phone for the time, it was about noon - about the time where his parents bedroom door would open and their TV would blast the local news and his persian cat, Jo Jo, would meow at his door from which would force him out of bed to open the door so Jo Jo could jump up on his bed to sleep on his pillow from which he would either start his day or keep doing nothing. This time he laid back down, idly on his bed, with the covers pulled over his head to lessen the effects of his slight cat allergy. Jo Jo had a flat face and was grey and fat, and he occupied the entire pillow. Young T thought of how he wanted to trade lives with Jo Jo.

Young T couldn’t fall back to sleep, so he looked at his phone. He bireifly looked at worldstarhiphop, Twitter, then Instagram.

Then he went to bed with a head ache and woke up in college.

9/27/17 wednesday

Tycho: excuse me, hey, getting along just fine, I see? Yolandra: hey, and yeah, sort of, just studying, whats going on with you T: Nothing, the usual, i guess, being responsible, trying not to offend anyone. Y: Oh but you're so innocent. If anyone's offended its on them, not you. T: But my presence alone, I dont know, like I'm out of place or something. And I just want to tell people,  Yeah, so, I know how strange it is, me being here and all. Y: You're a free spirit amongst prisoners. That was my favorite part about getting to know you.

Tycho: After all these years, not for a second did i think you were right for me. And thats why i liked you. Cus I'm crazy. Yolandra: thats okay? what do you mean?, i want to get inside your head again. T: [pause] Most people wouldnt understand. Y: Don't be too cool for school. Im not most people. If I knew what was good for me, I'd have cut ties with you a long time ago. But im a crazy bitch too. Havent you realized? T: Yes. Youre highly psychic when it comes to "free spirits" like me - and you, though maybe, "lost soul" would be a better term for me. Though I dont mind being lost. It keeps things interesting.   Anyway, you should spend your energy on solving world hunger than worrying about me. Y: dont be so difficult. catching vibes isnt easy you know? coming for your type. Who knows, maybe youre worth it. Tycho: well, your the first to try me like this. im mysterious for a reason. Yolandra: And do you know why exactly? T: Thats for me to decide. Y: It's so damn frustrating. But I guess some things are better left unsaid. T: Most people wouldnt understand that, what youre saying. Indescribable feelings we know happened but fall short in explaining. That sort of thing. Y: I call those. "You had to be there" moments. Tycho: Honestly i never gave up on you, only myself, thinking you were different from my dream girl.   it took months for me to realize that but when i did the only thing i wanted to do was forget i ever met you. Yolandra: than what? T: the rest of these simple people that surround us, they see in a way thats opposite of what i am. Y: how convenient it must be. to blame your problems on people you dont even know. and just say "fuck it." I envy you. T: just my luck haha. of being born into myself, my personality forgive me, i dont mean to be such a downer. thats my ego talking Y: you had to be there T: where? Y: in my memories. T: it matters that much to you? Y: if I could find you in a crowd, just to say something, anything, even if i have to scream it in your ear,  then you'd know how much it means to me. Tycho: I'll be waiting for you to say hola.

9/30/17 saturday In the midst of an obnoxious trap beat I remember what my grandpa used to tell me. It's the harsh realities of life that stick with us the most. A dream is only a dream until you make it come true. Never hit a women no exceptions." He would say to a 7 year old me. Now I wish I had the balls back then to tell him that his strict army ass probably never had a dream that went beyond what he already knew. Like revisiting the same shitty cloud of meaningless thoughts every night till you reincarnate into someone who revisits a slightly less shitty cloud over and over until they become someone like me, who lives on the cloud everyone strives to be, forgetting those elvish looking folks of the below who never leave the house except to get groceries. There's comes a point in life where you just gotta be honest with yourself, and say hey, i just dont match the freqeuncy anymore. It's okay. I can still pretend like that one MGMT song, but im fading away. Fuck. I get naseous and imagine a cop coming around the corner which kills my vibe for a second so I take my headphones off, spit on my finger tip, ash the blunt, and walk to my dorm. I'm in water so muddy that the surface is all I have to cling onto. What lies beneath is my past, housing the memories like demons. Of course, her face, would be in the middle. Falling more faintly in detail as I wake up sober and go to sleep high and dream nonsense that somehow doesnt go away like the usual forgotten dream you usually wouldnt give a second thought to otherwise but this morning my head feels foggy and theres a vague recollection of a search going on but I dont know what it's for and my chances of knowing diminish as I go deeper into the day. A search, it's on repeat, like my brain is an actual TV. Thats probably a normal thought to have, though I've never heard it in real words. "Is my brain a TV." I say to myself.                                                                 if you can call it that. but those take the shape of monsters of which, as if I had no choice, I find myself preparing for so when the moment really matters, I can either go down in a blaze of glory or come out on top like the badass I imagine myself to be. All I know is that I was born and now I have to live.

Maybe because my past is so glaringly depicted onto a person I refuse to acknowledge. All that shit was a dream. The only thing that matters is the present, right? Bill Nye the Science Guy would agree with that. Back in elementary whenever we had a sub for the day, a cart would roll in and thats how you knew. I watched his show in elementary school, when we had a substitute teacher. Those were the best days. I had no worries then, able to speak freely with no inhibitions as if duality had nothing to latch its mechanical claws onto. Wait, I'm thinking about the past again. And thats going way back. Fuck! Okay.. On your feet soldier! That baby momma drama dont fly out here in the real world. out here  it's the winners and the losers, haves and the have-nots,  thats the way it is.

We're here to endure anxiety. I dont care about this slave shit. I think im gonna drop out. These fucking people bro, I shouldve known better than to come here. Deep down in the recesses of my highly realized capacity for recognizing everyday objects I'm  hearing the voice my computer makes. It just so happens that I'm a little different from everyone else. I see things. Feel them. Some are expressed. Others proccessed. Though most get put away for later. These things I speak of is all they'll ever be to Some bad. Some good. But in the end I understand the root cause  is nothing and thats where I pretty much exist anyway. In between any and all things, including people. At least that what it feels like. So although I may come off as shy and maybe a bit soft to the average layperson I aint no bitch and I wont hesitate to put my body on the line to make some headway when it comes to cementing my place as a savage demon in the halls of said layperson's memory bank. Someone who is wise would recognize the virtue of my conviction It is only because I must prepare for that singular moment, an unknown point in the fabric of time and space. To where if theyre not careful, a life's worth of energy should be pitted against me as if one were to stand a chance against the power housed within my vessle. Theres no such thing as a polite gesture. Nobody asks me how my day is "going" for no other reason than to relay to me how their own special day is "going". reckoning between a humble acknowledgement that I can never truly grasp the reason for existing and therefor should play my part in keeping the peace, versus pure badass in a world of sheep. And the more I get to know my surroundings, the more I reach erradically for the inherent bliss found within the path of satanism.

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Spmewhere off in the distance, Crermoth sits on a palm tree idly sculpting astral suspensions into a tattered fervor of mesh for working the keys of ineptitude. She is oblivious to her surroundings, not caring for chatty and gossip which she cant seperate between her reality and theirs because she is sensitive and when the the fully recognized sage, Esoh, confronts her about she says she much prefers it that way.

Their balance among them. With the wind at her side, Hojihka refuses the initial preference of her stillness and moves in a nameless precession by the whim of her ancestral birth right. "aaa may-ee soo shay-noo"

Her possession wakes up without a name. a new and more elaborate transposition of jubilee onto each successive indifference. The attention to one area renders the outer confines a vacuum enveloping the excess span unto both of their liable to taken over like a plain, sole, unconscious will. It certainly does its job Crermoth and has become something of a plan b pill thats taken during one of her many unpredictable episodes of self hate and general spiritual torment. One time she told J-Money she was a demon in a matter of factness that still haunts J-Money in moments when he pretends it doesnt bother him.. Reliant upon the interaction of her world and the next. Crermoth normally prefers being to herself on nights like these, that way she can answer any calls at a moments notice. A dimension close enough so that she may assist her friends in earthly manners of which, by the natural law of limitation, those lacking the incessant nobility of the Orisha cannot be bothered to see to themselves, less the tether between her world and theirs be rendered a useless tattered fervor of mesh that gives way to any varitable knock of an over arching brood of usurpment of the mundane frequency. “I need space. I only have but so much light of see to her calling as a being of light, assisting the pieces of herself that we’re lost during the falling. You remember that don’t you?” She says “Of course I remember. But only as a matter of fact. Upon closer reflection I fail to see the relevance of a subtle hunch with no bearings in the present.”

I must know that I’m allowed to be straight up with you, else I run the risk of straying from my calling. If there’s anything I hate more than being ignored its catching myself being lazy to the voices. “She musn’t veer to far.” Esoh said on a mountain.

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The woman wakes up to look around. Store-bought soil, empty bike-rack, office building. "Harder. Think harder. Come on girl." She stands for dignity's sake. A car traces a hilltop in the distance. She raises her cold arms to the sun in defiance of stillness. Nothing is in tune with the nature of her being besides the stale wind of a coming day. "Where are you?" The car freezes as it reaches the horizon, but the sound remains on loop. Whirrrrr A portal manifests abruptly and Elegua arrives on a chariot of skulls. "Erzulie, madame, how nice it is to see you this early in the morning." A whisp of fire cleans her face and the car continues over the horizon. "It really shouldnt be, not like this. Where Im at should tell a lot you know." Erzulie said. "Quite a dense reply to a longtime friend, dont you think" "Hmm, considering how I slept in a bush last night and dont remember a thing. I shouldnt need to explain myself." "No? is the friz on your hair not matching the blood on your knees? I can't tell which." Elegua said.     Or is the attitude possessing you as if theres no consequence for ill-manneredness? I cant tell which." So long as one's not so dense up his selfish ass that he aint notice." "Oh so now all a sudden you about the finer things in life? We can switch places less you miss me. Erzulie said. Im only pointing out the obvious." Elegua said. Erzulie replied with silence, forcing life to flash before his eyes. She learned this from her Mother, Darkness. "Attitude is possessing you. I cant tell why but its a poison I dont deserve. I was only trying to help" He continued. "I just dont fuck with being called too early. So long as youre not too dense up your ass to take notice, safe to say i'm in some shit right now." "Clearly. A product of consequence." Elegua said randomly. "Yeah, recognize. Please, for me, baby?" "No more testing your patience, Goddess immortal of justice. Save that for what I came to tell you about." "Take me to cleanliness, saintly promise of wisdom. For im not feeling myself." They left the scene to the past and pondered on the pyramid they had just made with each other. "It's nice to be home." Erzulie said. Flying over the palm trees brought Elegua back to his power. "On the basis of love." Elegua said. The salt-water washed away all glimpses of doubt Erzulie had of her beauty. And she harnessed the pastels of the ocean. Thus, all guilt was abolished and unconditional love was convinced to dance within them. Drying his body under the rays of Amen reminded Elegua of his first words. Long ago, before Time was born. "O Father, you are so brilliant." "Thank you, son. I am the Light" "Then tell me, Father, if you are the Light, and are so brilliant, then why is it you flee from Darkness?" "All I do is my purpose, which seeks to balance harmony with creation. Although it is much more complicated than that. Like always I suppose. I'm afraid you ask me a question that I cannot answer. Here, because you are so curious, I will show you." "I'm ready, Father." Light grew brighter causing Elegua to cry in his recollection of what it felt like to say words. The links in his mind straining to pull in the right words. Not too plain to where the moment would be lost in happen stance, and not too radical so that his manhood could stay irrefutable (to convey meaning.) Then Light disintegrated into everything and Elegua searched for Light ever since. So Elegua went to the crossroads, and prodded Darkness for Light's wherabouts, "I want to relive the the moments before he left for eternity. Where can I find him?" Without a hug or a kiss, she told him to let go of his experience in order to live in the now, "Take his place and move forward. Grow up, your Daddy's gone cus you never did." "How could you say that me? I love you, Mom. Yet all I get is hate. Why are you hiding the truth from me?" "If I don't hate you, then who will? You got so much to learn that my heart breaks into brass. You must leave, understand me? LEAVE, before I do what your Father did and them some. I'm this close. Believe me." With nowhere else to go, Elegua obeyed the commands of his Mother. Although lonely at first, the spirits of the dead related to his despair, and offered to guide him through all the known and unknown realms of Ether, so long as he guided the spirits of the living to his Mother. So that the dead could learn for themselves the origins of their being dead. And when Light came back, they could say "Father, we know of Hate, now teach us Love." Elegua tried telling them that it was hopeless, that his Father was there, just not in the way they imagined, that they we're actually his Father and they had to realize it through an altered perception. but that negativity only made them more adament to their cause which annoyed Elegua into a manic spell of existential irony which persisted during times of war with the Snakes on 5th density. One battle in particular Badly wounded, he pulled his chariot with his arms to the middle of a corn-field on a full-moon during the Solstice, it was there he made a pact with his self, to never be ignorant to the fact that fate was an inescapable constant within all contributors to existence. That the very fabric that distinguishes the dead from the living was comprised of scattered shards of an indestructable essence that attached itself to the spirit-body via fate which is the Father of destiny. That the collective conscious is woven by the thread of Fate, thus binding a common goal, or Destiny, inherent to all beings of both polarities, thus setting in motion the spiral of gnosis, which lends itself to the spreading of keys that open the doors to helping each other fulfill each others Purpose. "I will collect the pieces of my Father so that I may speak with him again as I did as a child. I will never forget you because I love you. You are everything to me, which is all I ever could be. Please, I want to know why you flee in the face of Darkness."

____10/9/17 monday

My pace quickens as I veer away from the crowd onto the handicap stairs. I silently count my steps to give off a pensive, non-assuming vibe. Over by the quad theres crows just walking on the grass. Yet I'm the only one who seems to notice, even from a distance. The busses haul ass down Memorial St. I've learned to always be on alert because I'll never know whats waiting for me when I turn my attention off the floor and become reminded of string theory. Artificial energy, cork boards with grime on the edges, tunnel of dull ends, spongy plywood cielings. as i step with my head down and in every so sudden a demarcation in the bricks, the reptiles answer emails. This is where I'm going. Because my soul chose to live here at some point in time not too long ago considering the relationship between all that the universe has to offer and my general apathy towards said all as in any and all one. Which has become quite of a bore ever since the first week ended I had to come to terms with the reality that friends won't simply fall into my lap like they would     if I wasnt such      a masochist for being lonely. The row of pillars turn to one and all I see is the contentment in the air of the lobby. In the hallway are casually turned faces which glide about in a linear fashion like the ghost of a lost bride.. I get a side-view of the people afraid to admit that this is far from the paradise we expected it to be. The brochure in our acceptance letters didn't include the drunken nights of another dimension. I'm inside the life of an architect. One who's dead by now, but lives on through his work. I'm not going anywhere, the building would say, if it could talk. And I suppose it can. Because I just had the thought, and nothing is ever truly wrong without another thought to compare it to. But then if buildings could speak existed first, and was allowed to grow and find its place in the universe, then it'd be established enough to not warrant an adversary. But the question remains where, if it existed, was its fate organized before coming into my mind, awaiting my final judgement. Substitute me for a unicellular collective conscious and it seems like we're all dealers of fate her on planet earth of the milky way of the universe of the whatever comes next (should we ever know for sure). he or she deserves all the credit for it manifesting onto the grid of my consciousness, which is a zig zag joint's worth of a high right now. The perfect amount for not giving a fuck while still staying slick enough for witty comebacks. Which wouldn't hurt right now. This building isn't going anywhere. Though I wish it would. Because I dread what I'm about to do How he must have pained to communicate something he could call his own while maintaining a dignified and safe, always safe, because god forgive, well, you know, , putting the pen to the pad, drawing  collumns in front of a Victorian fassad Succumbing to authority just to eat with a roof over your head and not freeze your ass off like a homeless freak. Profit margins in the final half of quarter one are lower than 1 standard deviation to what is considered by corporate to be optimal. As of now, the college has no incentive to ship in product from outside sources. All inventory must be stored in house to the buyer's demand. You better not be late.

___ On the parking deck

Tycho: “I had a dream I was on an internet forum. Someone posted the words: “life is an endless hell. With a blurry picture of a street at night-time. Not much different from what’s in front of us. I thought that made sense, until I scrolled down, to see a video looking out the windshield of a vintage rolls royce, coasting along a pacific highway. And the lines kept going. Next thing you know I’m falling down a pitch black waterslide, dreading my destination. If I never woke up I have a funny feeling i know where it was leading.

Preacher: In that instance did you feel the need to repent for your sins?

Tycho: No. that didn’t cross my mind. It was too late at that point.

Miranda: “I used to.

T: What made it stop?

Miranda: Seeing all the happy people around me. And knowing that they’ve been through the same shit. Break-ups, Death in the family, just generally feeling lost.

My heart was broken ”

T: Getting over the mind can be a dark place when it has nowhere else to rest. You can train it to think anything.”

Miranda: True

Tycho: Lately Ive been taking these long drives late at night into the boonies. Just to see where I up. I realized theres so many lives I’ll never know about.

If i wasnt born into money maybe I’d be humble enough to hate myself for even thinking such a thing.

How’d you get out of that?

Miranda:

These know it all professors are getting on my nerves. I fear Im crossing into an abyss I’ll never fully understand. Honestly I can’t fuckin stand these people. What name do I have to make for myself that i haven’t already experienced in the depths of my soul?

Tyco: You know how they try to act like they all official and shit, like I won’t see past it.

Miranda: [agreement] They do that.

Tyco: [stream of consciousness] So I just told her look I know its a rule, but I’m all about learning at my own pace and no disrespect i love her but Mrs. Soso can only go so far in telling me how to write. You can give tips and tricks but at the end of the day, I’ve been developed my writing style.. Like I thought we were done with all this high school shit. Well I didnt say that.

M: And what’d she say?

Tyco: She was like “As you get further into your major 90% of your assignments will be in essay format.. we require full participation “ At this im like she gonna hit me with the book like hell nah THEN outta nowhere She said “However, I also believe in 2nd chances.”. On the outside I was cool but inside I was like “*fist bump* yo i cannot fail outta college like someone watchin out for me idk who but-

Chad: fuck that shiiiiit *holds up white rum in front of street light”

Friend in background: 12! 12! 12!

Abrupt scene change. Camera shows Tyco zoned out. Then police car, as Tyco begins to hide behind the tree hes smoking on.

My black hoodie and phone-call to my dealer will still be with me tomorrow as I do the same thing.

(From a dream 10/23)

Tyco is driving around serving with Shantel when she lights her phone up from the passenger seat and puts the phone to her ear.

Shantel: You are not finna be talkin all that mess on my phone. Be honest with                  yourself. Don’t lie. You a hoe ass bitch.

?? Caller: Why are you even calling me? I dont give a fuck.

Shantel: Wait till I pull up then and slap the shit out you. Would that be better                     sweety?

?? Caller: I’m at Kawaii’s 30 deep. Bring your lil boyfriend and see what                          happens.

Shantel: Try me bitch.

[ The economy sedan turns right on red seemingly without breaking. ]

Tyco: 30 deep huh?

Shantel: With them ratchets.

Tyco: She sounds scared as hell aint nobody sticken up for her like that. You know they gonna talk shit right but soon as we throw them hands they gon be like, I dont know that bitch.

Shantel: nah but she stupid tho like not even worth all that extra

Tyco: We’re going. Wheres that nigga house i’ll waze that shit and we get there we just pop off. Aite?

[Not looking at the road, but to her, coasting down an average 2-lane with box neon trimmed tire shops and drive-thru windows governed stately as immovable beasts of mothership stores lurk behind low-sodium trenches of the new world order’s surveillence agenda for mass poplations en masse. ]

              Just follow me. I’m walkin in and gonna start a commotion just bussin                 and you just break this bottle on her mother fuckin head and we out.

Shantel: haaah what okay

Tyco: You’re gonna fuck her shit up som serious.

Shantel: She talk shit about you.

Tyco: It’s in the stars babe for real.

Shantel: You gonna help me find that bitch?

Tyco: You my fucken queen I love you and I got you.

Neighborhood entrance.

Cars parked for miles.

House identified first glance.

Park.

Car doors..

Hip-Hop

Grass.

Walkway.

Steps.

Porch.

Door opens and yellow tops within the frame.

!! WHERE YOU AT// YALL FAKE AND CANT FINESSEE !!

AAAAAH YOU UGLY DARK SKINNED NIGROS

The caller is sitting on a couch ass to ass with other dudes. Looking stupid.

She never saw Shantel. Who came upon her like The Ring.

She has become a party magnet. It is a Slayer concert now. Nobody knows who’s who. Though Tyco is surely getting his ass beat. He catches of glimpse of Shantel’s fat ass ducking through the doorway and he could die right now and it wouldnt matter.

*GUN SHOT*

FUCK GOIN ON HERE MANE

“This not the place for you bro. - White boy comin up here in my place of business - Tryna pop shit off like you really not a bitch”

Kawaii looks up with his glock-9 extendo at his GD party mostly all gone just like that. The poor girl is still leaking.

“She need to go to the hospital.” Her friend says.

He points the glock at his head. Despair.

“Look around before I kill you.” An invitation.

Tycho: “I sold a 4 oz today after my accounting exam. I could be GD, 74, rock                            purp. whatever it be its nothing but Respect yo. Got connects with chad and Becky nahmean dog. Could put you on to some numbers they white and they fiends. Please OG.

“How much for a zip.”

“80, gas.”

“Was that yo bitch?”

“yea”

Kawaii: You lyin to me?

“No.”

“She eat your ass?”

“Yeah and bounce on my BIG ASS DICK” Tyco says with autism.

K walks away.

T: they don't even sell Molly bruh

K is you fucken high you dummies. Beat this nigga ass. *Tyco imagines the why the fuck you lyyin vine and remembers the exact moment he realized that wasnt an original song but actually a spin off of a classic throwback jam by the 90s R&B group “Next” in their hit single “Too Close”.. He was driving home from the cafe he used to write high school essays in while smoking a menthol american spirit with the windows rolled down on a spring evening playing KISS 104.1 Atlantas classic jams. Then he realized there was a full 6 minute video of the vine on youtube. After watching it he felt gayer. Thats all it did for him.

Tycho wakes up on living room floor.Terry (random G, on couch): *Hands him note× Kawaii said he's sorry. No hard feelings ya heard dog?

Tyco: I guess thugs act on impulse. *looks at note* and don't count on a gahdamn thing you bitchass motherfuckers. Tyco walks into class with a black eye. The Professor talks about interest loans. Tyco meets Moe after class in parking lot.

*Moe: Waddup

Tyco: It's lemon og I just got in.

Moe: Bet. Those last cookies you got. Bomb dude. It had them frar mother fuckers leanin like they can't handle that purp like that nahmean.*laughs*

Tyco: I got some backwoods you wanna hotbox.

Moe: Yo I'm down.

10/24/17 thursday

____ Last night I decided not to hate myself. The look I get from them doesnt bother me. Really, its a simple sign from nature that I’m used to by now. A wrong impression can sustain the fog of memory, of which I will be seen from the lens of another dimension, with not a care in the world, an angel in disguise. Thats the crux of my life up to this point. To no longer hate myself. But appear as if I still do. The nameless place in our past with no address., one of which even a frat boy can relate to. This invisible standard that’s thrown us into the pits of despair must be addressed. To seperate the real from the fake. Like the others are sleep walking through class fronting like they dont see me. The pyramid of perspective is an accordian overlayed on my third eye, televising scenes of sleep walkers who stay fronting like they dont see me. Walking behind the parking deck where green dumpsters were with my phone to my ear is a feeling that remains within me until I do the same thing over again in a few days. Buying in bulk never appealed to me. And if a 20 a g was the price thered be nothing my lonely ass could do. Fuck this worthless paper, I tell myself.

I tell myself. Anyone who catches my glimpse pauses for a split second, calibrating my own opinion of the why in life. A definition of nuance that was never meant to be expressed but felt. To sense what I’ve been wanting, free and alone, after all those wasted days.

I’m signalling. Though I havent been approached yet.

Figuring that would resolve the look I give other people. I mean, christ, I turned 18 last March. And spent the Summer in a last ditch effort to secure an identity before I made my plays in college. For too long I’ve avoided the call of the light and in return have gotten blank stares.

(SOMEHOW gets wrapped up into a petty conversation with sorirty girl (on top of parking deck.)

Clarissa: I was the only one alone in the entire party.

Tycho: Why didnt you leave?

T: Dont worry I dont wanna know your major.

C; Good cus it keeps changing.

T: You think you know everything dont you? This world aint nothin babe.

C: Why do you say that?

T: What do you wanna know? That I get money? Thats nothin.

Clarissa drifts off.

Hannah: So Stacy’s telling me the banners weren’t in that right place and we’re like an hour away from starting and we still haven’t even got the chairs in order and barely anyone who was suppose to be here has shown up yet.

Tycho: Where were they?

“Well for one, Candace, I dont know whats her problem lately, but shes been gone because her best-friends now telling her she’s not rushing anymore but thats honestly a relief because that girl wheres winged eyeliner and thinks shes better than us.”

Tycho: Oh, I think I’ve seen that girl at the library or something.

     I intuit that in order to justify her reasoning for not liking the winged eyeliner girl, that she channeled my very own resonant storm cloud of which I emit silently in the face of vanity..  

H: Well you’ll probably see her there a lot more cus shes definitely not with us.

“Okay so thats one.” I say as if taking notes.

“Then Rachel’s out at some charity event that I never even heard of probably with a guy she’s not telling us about which is so frustrating that of all days you pick friday night at the peak of rush to go be a hoe behind our backs.”

“Did she ever show up to the party?”

“Yeah. And she was fucking drunk.” She said as if surprised but not really because this is Rachel we’re talking about, after all.

“Like wasted orrr “

“Damn I didnt know yall got down like that.”

“Umm when youre stumbling through the door and your first words to all the new girls is hallelujah bitches!

She wasn’t with a guy.

“So tell me more about the party. Like was there”

who nobody knows anyway

is that Cheyenne is just out of it because her friends now telling her she doesnt want to rush anymore and for one its like look,

Wait, who’s hannah?

Hannah’s the leader of her sorority.

Ooooh, Okay, I see why now

-Yeah, I mean if word got around that would literally mean she was going around their backs to cover up that she was lying.

> Right. Yeah I hear what you sayin. She’s trying to make it seem as if it never concerned yall in the first place but if thats the case then she dont need to be acting like she got the right to be trusted.

This goes beyond reputation. Manipulating emotions just cus she has none of her own. Conniving biitch.  just to get her way goes beyond reputation.

Aint nobody wanna be around that energy.

> So what you tell her?

I get schizophrenic when it comes accepting new ways of being. The person I made him out to be was the perfect cure for my suffering. All those forgetful nights of boredom I knew what I needed all along, but was to scared to do it myself.

------ Frat house halloween party kidnap scene ----

GD shaman prays to shango for power to go out by mantra. Squad in car repeats the same mantra. The power goes out at 1:00 (or peak of the party).

Tycho throws blue flare through the side of the window

at the Tycho must find Chad and lure him downstairs near the door so the squad can get the keys to the room full cocaine and adderal. After looking everwhere he’s no where to be found. He walks in on a couple having with the girl in missionary with devil ears. “Yo chad that you?” Its

(fuckem x3) Music stops from power so he sneaks in wireless speaker in his robot costume  and puts it at one end of the room. Squad member 1 will carry bigger wireless speaker and set it down when he storms in. Tycho also brings a timed strobe light to distract people and keep the illusion of the party still going.

Tycho runs down stairs and towards door with chad chasing him. Squad slaps tape and mask on him and carries like a battering ram although theyve already kicked the door.

*Power turns back on*

“Fuck em, fuck em, nigga get out my section

Don’t want to see him, I don’t want to touch him

*waves zippo lighter in front of face so chad can see him through mask*

“Ima count 3 seconds and your dead on 5 if i dont get this combination” says calmly. thus saiyth the lord thy god”

“Three... No mercy”

“Two.. Shall be given unto those”

*gives code*

          “One.”

Love takes many shapes and forms.Tycho never opened up to people, hating himself for being incapable of feeling what others felt. He wanted more so he went spiritual. Which his close friends perceived as going off the deep end."Ayy whatsup bro you tryna smoke?""I have a calc exam tomorrow but I'm down after."Aight good luck on your studying tonight and then kill it tomorrow I know you got this calc is your specialty can't say the same for me but that's why you always tutored me haha."Let me know if you need more help. Figuring their was no bounds and he could be whatever, even silent, and experience irony rather than fate. How bland, he thought, to have a life plan and nothing to look forward to. Running drugs would be a necessary chain reaction. The highest elixer exceeding the bliss provided by the very weight he'd be pushing, itd be getting off on defying his own life, leaving spirit his only option. And so like a blackbird his soul seeks experience only in the clearest degree of visibility. Swerving transgressions of lonliness to levy the burdens of contrived responsibilities at societies every turn until his flight patterns veer from the trodden path to and fro the calling of reality in which he desires to preside over as a God of many statures. Untainted by works, head first into the entity of the adversary, of which he is able to predict the situational consequence in only a glimpsing moment before havoc ensues and the final hour is upon him, his loose wings coated with astral charcoal of depravity. Be caught slipping once and he loses the jump until the enevitable program takes its course - an unstoppable relationship between fate and reckoning that must be fulfilled as day turns to night. Once that happens he reverts back to being like the rest of them. Yet to the world, now desolated beyond repair, hed still be alive, exuding a calm presence that something is not quite right with him existing without remorse. The truth is simple enough, a hint just ever so slight as to never be able to cross the threshold of utterance, thus becoming rendered a convinction of self delusion on the part of the unknowing accuser, who by this time hates himself for even thinking badly of such a good guy to make peace with.  The collage curtails past the illusion of what is already known and at last the watchers take notice and thus regeneration is able to take place along all the land, allowing for new energy to take the throne of anticipation. One that has harnessed the potential to become anything the wonder puts his mind too. So what if I'm imaginative? Yolandra: I mean everyone's different in their own way. Like yeah the soroitys have a dress code and all that Starbucks and capris. But I don't know. You just have to get know a person for who they are and not how the outside world perceives them to be. T: So what'd you first think of me? Yolandra: Honestly not much anything. You were one of those people who could be anything. But then I overheard you say taurus's are gold diggers and I hated you cus I'm a taurus. T: Oh sorry I really didn't mean it like that but c'mon now I can tell you have a taste for finer things you bougie little.. Boob. *laugh\ haha "you know what I mean" It doesn't bother you? What? That so much could go wrong so quickly? Look, deep down he's telling you his heart lies with getting over and you let him because that's /just what you like about him, how deep he gets. cus he's a sad and selfish individual who was never about loving anything other than vanity. The best thing to do would be to trust his actions, intentions aren't what's important right now. Really, forget about the soul connection. Loves comes through all types of people as long as you're open to receiving them. Those energies. Don't lose yourself in the illusion. Without ever taking credit for what truly matters which should be you. Then your fashion made sense to me. T:  I'm so caught up in myself. I mean, it's impossible to know anything else. I'll never get to stand in your shoes. Its just truth. Yet I'm the bad guy. You're not like the other people I've met. T: Yeah I'm kind of loner if you couldn't tell already. I guess that's a good thing.T: Hey it's okay. I get that a lot... Wait what do you mean you guess? Ive found that who evers saying does a 180 in their normalcy.  Knowing your even here right now is a good thing. Knowing that you're with me even when im not. Don't you think? Starting out with confidence and ending strong to be lucky if I'm not hurt. Tell me what you want out of this. Sometimes I feel so lame, then I realize how fun itd be to not care. Through the window screen i see parchments and grass blades, this is an image I've sought to ignore for its blandness thinking I was over recognizing such mundane structures. The sunlight made me drunk with non verbal contemplation. I crave this heat when I'm in low spirits. And a breeze when I'm high. My thoughts are channeled from a lonely place (My thoughts come from a lonely place)  I've had no choice but to become accustomed to for my own sanity. To work faster and breach that veil of reckonning. So unreachable and enticing at the same time.T When I'm alone, welcome something more than the past if you ever cared to help me. This isn't the only world out there. And even if it was the material would eventually reach infinity. Then a black hole would open or something. Don't quote me on that, science is the hottest thing going right now. It cant hurt to butt in unofficially. As long as no one calls you on it. The universe molds to your confidence. That's another story. At the end of the day, I have too much pride to be a scientist.  The God they're serving calls for a lot of self sacrifice. A self that ignores emergency when called to speak. A self i'm not prepared to lose. "Why are you here again, nothing will change, you're gonna be quiet like last time" any handle on reality I had during the sun rise flees like an ex girlfriend into the night. I'm not prepared to lose. Anxiety is that humid feeling you get when roughnecking the time away. Jaded peripherals, internet browsing, and fading friends initiate a color spectrum so cruelly vivid in its inability to be shared with the CVS cashier who looked at you wrong because you bought 3 4oz bottles of robitussin. A man who couldnt care to see the streets, stop signs, and traffic lights. Man is a slang term we use when caught in the moment. Of which matrix programming loves to grasp onto. --- 10/25/17 wednesday So here I am enjoying a piece of lackluster nothing for the sake of something I've agreed to experience in a past life I can't even remember but somehow must make amends to as if its an actual concrete thing I can touch and make sense out of without caring to ponder how life puts us in these type situations like getting your hair done a new way and meeting a friend of a friend superficially without ever following up like aight word up bro I feel you by the way hows life and what's the special fact I should become one with in this moment while not thinking too much in to things or else id be alone as if we're not alive under the stars for any other reason than to be happy but still to me that becomes too much like a flash in time rather than something meaningful because then sex would have to be our purpose for being here but you and I both know it's more complicated than that so we look into it via memories and realize the journey was brighter than the reward as in I don't remember the actual sex part but rather the day as a whole with stained glass sprinkled in on a film reel to push the past into something real and unexplainably alluring to the self of which we projected this light onto in order to perhaps know in advance maybe how to repeat this metaphysical phenomenon for a second time because we're not quite there yet although at this rate if seems that to finally reach a state of thereness would mean we wouldn't be able to be here right now having this conversation like a building block struck from below or a house of cards we have to keep faith that every moment plays its part because we had an emotion for it and therefore couldn't be rendered to nothing in a wreckless attempt force it all together rather let each tile compliment it's neighbor and bypass the need for destruction by allowing enough caring energy to flow through that filter mechanism within you that deems lifes moments as worth remembering or forgetting and pretend you never heard about forgetting and avoid it like the plague because everything that ever was is depending on you to go forth into righteous so that gods original intention for letting go of unwanted baggage be synthesized within your vessel of upgrades intelligence so that the journey can still be appreciated only this time without th deceptive veil of the end. to question the little things that somehow don't mean much but at the same time appear to us daily as conduits for good fortune and thats what we must uphold ___ 11/2/17 thursday

I you and me playcated on a surface of stones that match our longing to search in the wrong places. Convenient are we done such a conceivable time that is time which is also time because what more can be said other than us winding down a fire escape to an inexplicable hatch sitting like paper mache on our transformative spiritual natures. Gone already but not forgotten just make sure to take the negative side of every situation involving 1 or more parties so as to make sure the rythym is in order because you can't go wrong with challenging the status quo of an area you're not suppose to be in even if that seems too easy and superficial it's the right choice because even the idea of rebellion as a bad thing must be able to project into a physical thing prompt for examination so secrets may be revealed. Wouldn't you know i stopped believing in faith due to its redundancy of chasing metaphysical strings too far out for us to put into words and isn't that the source of all our angst. Depraved of propositional phrases and elemental tables it's all so clear to me now. Casandra had a bag and Mikey had his sneakers in the forefront like a low hanging fruit but of course they had personalities that weren't so easy to see unless the hard work of interfacing came into the equation. Lets judge people based on judging for the sake of basing ourselves onto something not within our realm of reality. Perception is a hard question i think maybe inanimate objects could tell us a thing or two. Low pressure sodium lamps.Documentorial lecture hall amps failing to reach the end of the pyramid turned 90 degrees away from its focal point. May disease not reach our unexplainable selves if ever they may inhabit our temporary vessels like a friend who has no friends but you and wants desperately to get along with others but is attached to your ways. Are we in hell? What can our astral travels tell us about signaling locations with Etheric marks of time dialation. Things are what they are by defintion or they wouldn t be things however stepping the observer up a notch sets in motion cancer to grow from the singular notion that we ourselves separate on a cost of lightening our load. I am partly responsible for this mess we have made. Pulling my hair out in thin strands so as to not make a difference. Some people just don't understand what it means to be so far gone yet in a place of enchantment that lets us know we're not alone as Michael Jackson plays on the ham radio and Wikipedia says the song was written by r kelly. I'm a solitary young man, joined at the seams complacency and red-ridden vanishing points to a line of sight I'd rather not identify with if I had a choice. I'm seriously considering becoming rich and famous despite others already forcing me to. I guess eventually my spirit will give in as my soul looks from a distance and says what a fool I am then goes about his day. You can't be like the rest of them no matter how hard you try. Thinking on the sensualities you avoided after this rap shit led you no where. The palace at the height of creation where Jesus stopped and stared to collect his thoughts before he kept going when his alarm rang as his slave bending consistency tracked the new melinnia into a moldy piece of sandstone cheese the better of which tasted nutty with fruity notes and 80% abv shards of liquid glass on the throat thatd make even an immortal weep a shy tear or two. The pigs down in Mississippi feel things we can't understand in their slaughterhouse decrepit and forwarned in a musk ridden air flow that's non existent to hypocritical angels who were supposed to stop atrocity but opted to sit on their ads and play virtua tennis all day. Oink says the pig. Hee haw says the donkey. Give me life says the God and there on the 30th night fags came to tell the story on their faces. The bag lady told them to shut up and stop whining but they wouldn't listen though they lost their ability to speak. Goodness gracious me oh my great balls of fire. Great balls of ball you are the Lord of my lonely century in this dimension I took awareness to when I allowed you into my heart space.And then I left asking my self: Who is this I?

755559888a

Let’s stand for a while and think about the dastardly ways we have gone under the waters and flew away from temptation. Have us saying isnt it so pretty to be in something and have that to fall back on due to the struggles of forgetting the place we come from which didnt always have it out for us this bad in refusing us of inconjunctions we can at least point to and blame our problems on saying “See! There, I told you so. That’s why we cant find our beginning!” And we’ll keep toilling the fields as halflings saving up for a chance to leave the very universe we serve. “So thats more like it. Finally something I can get my flows on to” Shelly the alien said. “The Stars dont have to like you just because you see them. They have their place and so do we” Gerald said. “Oh but they do.” “How do you know?” “Well for one they always shine bright at the most oppurtune times, like when I’m feeling down about the part of myself that conveinently seems to escape me just when I need it most. If that be so then put me on to something else and that’ll do just fine.” “Perhaps you're not as big as you thought ”  Gerald held up his hand to salvage what was left of the dissolving psychic barrier between them. An invisible giant with an ocd issue. For now he could only listen. “No im not here to choose and thats exactly why Im not afraid to go where you can’t. Having the courage to admit your wrongs requires as much energy as universal rotation itself - a force which exists beyond our pleaidien awareness. ” “ But Shel- Okay whatever” Gerald paused and rolled the horizon through his scaly fingertips. “Keep calling on the unknown and you might get lost because it’s been there forever and sometimes Look, Shelly, no offense, you know I love you, but your awareness has no filter on what representation it can cling onto like danger isnt a reality to you. Me and Dazel always had to look out for you and thats just in this world what makes you think you can take on things you cant even see? “But do you believe in me? Anyone can say they love me. I’ve been hearing that my whole life. So much that it holds the same meaning as “um” does in conversation. Is that really the final conclusion we have at the end of the day? That you love me? Besides, I dont think you really meant that.”

“Here goes Miss Type-1 personality again. Always needing to label circles into squares, stars into gods, this as that, out of an inability to cope with insecurity. Leaving the rest of us as unwilling participants.”

“HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT’S WRONG IN NATURE?”  Shelly bawled.  

The beach of Temofose was out of walking distance from the orange cottage they grew up in with there Mom. When they were young it was somewhere theyd go when they had nothing else to do. Euweu Sister Beach was the brighter of the two, but now too populated for their liking. Temofose is less frequented by other families and polluted by cargo ships and a lack of open views but as they stood there a semblence of twilight through the holographic cages offered closure to the purpose of them arguing in the elements about a timeline Shelly was going to step into  And no matter what argument he could put forth, Gerald thought of it fruitless unless he spoke from his heart, a heart of which Shelly was currently taking the place of, so that he could not use it against her. “Shelly, I just hope you can understand how I dont want to let you go.” “I’m sorry you feel that way. But it’s my choice. Have a good njght Gerald. I love you” She said as she went into darkness.

Summer Break 2018

As a street light exploring strip malls, I am a linoleum tile on top of a trapezoid emitting frames of rave scenes. Heres where I find myself walking through last nights dream of the gang member selling duck pussy then getting assaulted by a pizza guy and a cop. Alone after those nights. Seems love was never meant to be expressed but felt. I look inside to see if I’m about to die, seeing diamonds mixed with sky. Materializing in the backdrop of my memories. Now I know why.

Now I know.

Then a wren on the fence manifests when it needs to. The perspective pyramid is that I pleaded for a higher calling. There’s nobody bohemian as me.  One day I’ll take this civic off the road and escape into my sacred grove. If only I wasnt such a bitch.

I carry my single briefcase through the airport parking lot. I’m hot and out of breath. Everyone watching me. I can read their thoughts but not my own. They say look at the guy who isnt me but is still conscious enough to move his vessel.

The a/c runs down to the end of the terminal, but my spirit is squared by the stores selling vain material. The pyramid of perspective is an accordian overlayed on my mind’s eye televises scenes too chaotic to put into words. Walking through customs is an event to be remembered, I tell myself. Anyone who catches my glimpse pauses for a split second, calibrating my own opinion of the why in life. A definition of nuance that was never meant to be expressed but felt. To sense what I’ve been wanting, free and alone, after all those wasted days. I board the flight to say finally I am my own religion. If I was flying over africa I’d see bon fires, but over Georgia I only see street lights. Thinking how absurd that they will speak of me as crazy. Others will listen. A vibration through these amber aisles to look no further than my destiny. Because everyone has their destination is the way it goes. I refuse. I’m tired of being a number. Atlanta had its place. Now I’m homeless in Tokyo. This is the not-so perfect end to the chapter planned out for me by the higher power. Not-so bad neither.

Save me. I’m on the other side now.

[theboobserweight]

Me.

Hi to whomever is reading this. I had a moment of confidence where i felt like i was ready to share my story, share what makes me me. And that’s exactly what i am going to do with this blog post.

This story isn’t a pretty one. And i am not going to use any names, and wont go into much detail. But if you want to know why i am the way i am. What’s made me who i am. Keep reading.

So my real name is Kimberley, yes that’s right. The legal spelling of my name isn’t even with a Y. But there were 2 other Kimberley's at my school so I decided to change it to spelling it with a Y and I’ve been spelling it that way since I was 7.

My childhood was great. I have the world’s greatest parents tbh. I am closer to my dad than anyone, but we’ll get to that.

See my mom doesn't like alternative. She wanted me to be a girly girl, but my dad didn't mind as long as i was happy. My mom didn't. so I grew up alot closer to my dad.

At the age of 13 I started to rebel. My dad had raised me on rock music since i was a child. My first ever concert was Bruce Springsteen haha. I started to go in that rebel direction. When i started secondary school, it was a brand new school and we were the only year there. The top. I was the only alternative person. Which brought on a mercy of bullying. Being called ugly, fat (Which i was bigger), goth and everything else. But i tried to focus as much as I could and let it go. 

By time I was 15 I had tired of the bullying. it lead to me having a physical fight with a boy in the cafeteria of the school. Safe to say i didn't get bullied after that lol.

College was better, i started to find myself. My dancing was going amazing. In fact at the age of 17 i competed and WON the under 18 European dance hip hop championships :) (Little fact about me for you there) I was on top of the world. But that didn’t last long.

See at the age of 17 i had met a guy, on Myspace. And i fell in love. He seemed perfect to me, I would do anything for him. I was a mug. Let me tell you and example. See I lived on the edge of Essex near Lakeside shopping centre, and he lived and worked in Romford. I would drive my car to his house to pick him up and drop him off to work. And then do the same when he had finished. I was stuck. He cheated on me several times, manipulating me to believe it was my fault. And i believed him, and forgave him. That’s when the relationship started to turn toxic. I wouldn’t realize it until i was 24 but I was being emotionally abused. But more so, I was being physically. But at the time i thought that was what love was. And even more so, I thought that with love you gave everything to the person you loved. Even if you didnt want to. And i dont like to mention the word so I’ll use the single letter but he R’d me several times. And i thought it was out of love, i thought he loved me. And i let him do it because he led me to believe that if i loved him i would let him do whatever he wanted to do to me.

It took me time, but i eventually cut ties, due to the help of my best friend. I had to do it by text out of fear what would happen if i did it to his face. And i had to get her to push the button to send the message. Still to this day i remember what he text back to the 3 page essay i had sent him. 6 words. “Whatever makes you happy i guess” He would try to get back with me eventually. Again trying to make me believe that it was my fault. But I didn’t let him.

It would be at this point in my life, 2 days before i was due to go away on holiday for my birthday that I would try kill myself for the first time. Luckily my cousin was there to stop me.

I started my 18th birthday depressed. In new york of all places, trying to have fun but i was shook. I came back, surrounding myself with some incredible people. And everytime he would try contact me, my friends would answer the phone. Even down to a good friend of mine pretending to be my bf lol!

I tried to live my life as well as i could after that, trying to find myself. I didnt know what i wanted to do with my life. I didnt know if i could go into another relationship. My confidence was gone. That girl I was before him was no where to be found. 

I started working at my local cinema. And these were the best 3 years of my life. Ups and downs, highs and lows but easily the best time of my life.

I was 19 and I met a guy whilst i worked there and we started dating. I tried my hardest to let my guard down with this guy. But it just wasnt working. I couldn’t even let him kiss me and I didn’t know why. And I was kind of lucky that it wasn’t working. You see.. this guy was only dating me cos he had a bet with several other people that worked there that i didnt get on with to see how long it would take him to get me into bed. Safe to say, being friends with the manager works in your favour, cos i got them fired.But once again the confidence i had built up was now back to zero.

I just got on with my life after that. I didn’t think about dating or anything like that. I weren’t living for anything. I was just working and enjoying my life as much as i could.

At 21, I was lucky enough to go on holiday with my BFF and her family to Vegas. That was alot better than my 18th birthday.

At the end of 2011, i met a guy through a mutual friend and we got on really well. We stared dating, and for the first time in a long time I thought i had built my confidence back up. But that guard I had was lingering in the background. I was trying to push him away and he didn’t realize. Until I did. I hadn’t ever considered how much my first relationship would impact my future relationships until this guy. We could kiss, and make out for hours. But if it even tried to go further it would cause me to have an anxiety attack. I couldn’t let him touch me, at all. And it’s then i realized I had a problem. That relationship ended because he chose to cheat on me and get back with his ex.

So record so far. 1 guy abused and R’d me. 1 guy dated me for a bet. and 1 cheated. Not a good track record for a girl aged 21 huh?

And thats why at age 21 I would again attempt to kill myself. This time seeking comfort in a friend after ODing.

I gave up after that. I focused into different things. I decided dating wasn’t an option for me. I had to find myself, i had to find that confidence again.

And that’s when i started wrestling. A good friend taught me that the perfect character in wrestling is the person  you dont have the confidence to be in real life. Alas, Kymmie was born. Kymmie oozes confidence, she believes shes untouchable. And that was the girl i wish i could be in real life. Not this depressed, anxiety driven shy girl that everyone just thinks is a bitch cos she wont talk to them.

At the age of 26 i did eventually meet someone that would change my life. A guy that I am able to call a best friend. He changed everything. He made me find me again. My guard dropped the quickest it had ever, and I opened up. And for the first time in a long time, I could say that I was becoming me again. And at 26, 8 years after the guy that destroyed me, and made it so that no man could ever touch me. I finally let it happen. 

Fast forward to 2018, and I’m currently 28. My confidence right now is amazing. I still have alot of work to do, but I am learning each day to love myself. I do love myself. I have the greatest friends in the world.

I have taken a hitus from wrestling due to a back injury sustained on a horrible decision i made last year. But i will continue next year.

I have my instagram as a way to help me build confidence in how I look. Alot of people assume that due to my insta that im easy and i’m a slut. I can tell you right now, hand on my heart, that i am 28 and i have slept with 2 people. I dont count my rape as me loosing my virginity at all. It is very hard for me to be sexual with someone and let that wall down. And I am in no way ashamed to admit that I was 26 when i lost my virginity.

My depression and anxiety still exists within me, and it comes out often. I may seem confident, and untouchable. But I’m honestly not always on the inside.  If you honestly think I look confident, believe me when i say that 80% of the time that is fake, and I am actually hiding behind a mask. Like most people in life do.

If you see me at shows, or anything. And i havent approached you to say hi, Its not me being stuck up. And it isn’t me being a bitch. Its because i’m too shy and nervous to say hello as much as i want to. And my inner demons, due to my anxiety are messing with me. So please dont hesitate to come say hello.

I am working on being more confident around people, but its a process, and it will take some time. 

But that is my story summed up.

If you are still reading by this point, then thank you. I hope this gives you some sort of insight to who i am and why i am the way i am.

The last thing I will say is something i learned the weekend. And that is to make sure you surround yourself with positive people. I have recently cut some of my family out of my life (not my immediate) but this is due to them always been negative on the things i do, and i dont need that. 

I choose to surround  myself to positive people, those who boost me and those whom i can boost to.

But thank you for taking the time to read this. If you want to reach out and talk to me you are more than welcome to. My inbox is always open. 

Have a great day!

Kisses xoxo

[ghoulstars]

im only posting this bc i desperately need to exorcise this thought somewhere bc it wont fucking leave me alone

those of you who know me personally or follow my instagram know about this but for those of you who dont: in a horrible turn of events, our plan to put down our geriatric yellow labrador retriever dixie was unfortunately and unexpectedly doubled today to having to put down our 3 year old engam bulldog, bean, as well

when we got him in mid december, 2015 he was barely out of puppyhood, we found him wandering around near the highway at our local gas station with a collar and no tag, trying to jump into two out-of-towner girls’ car. my stepdad intervened bc they couldnt take bean with them obviously, and brought him home instead.

we put up lost dog flyers everywhere all over our very small city, in an attempt to maybe see if someone would indeed come forward for their dog. we knew he wasnt just a stray because of his collar.

almost right off the bat, we were told by a woman who worked at the gas station that there was a man who lived in the trailer park just across the road, located behind the pancake diner. you can see it from the gas station parking lot. she told us that he had a lot of dogs that he typically kept chained up outside in poor conditions, and beat them regularly. to us? it seemed totally reasonable that that must’ve been where bean came from, given the fact he was a dog and we found him literally less than 50 feet away from where this fucking man lived.

no one came forward to claim bean. we kept those flyers up for months, we only put them up to begin with knowing he may have been thrown out by (or escaped from) this disgusting man just because there was the possibility that it wasn’t his dog, but someone else’s. as well as the potential for legal intervention if this fabled abuser found out we had technically stolen his dog (and full disclosure, fuck him for what he does, i hope all his dogs get stolen like they need to be, i myself was not fond of the idea of just giving the dog back to this creep if he was indeed the owner but i was only 16 at the time so there wasnt much i could do)

with no one claiming bean, after those months passed, we decided that he was ours now. flyers were taken down, we gave him his collar and nametag, to be real he’d already been named by us in the first few days we had him. he was going to be ours no matter what; my mother always told me its a rule that if you name a stray, and do it quick before anyone can object to keeping it, it’s yours now. that’s your pet, with it’s new name.

so we carried on with our lives, now having not just one dog, but two. it was a bit iffy with my stepfather keeping bean since we didnt technically need to manage two dogs at the time, but we still did it anyways because we loved him, the little bean man.

but here’s where my problem lies and this is why im writing this now: as time went on and we continued to have bean as our pet, some stuff about the original suggestion that he belonged to an abusive older man who lived in close proximity to where we found bean wasnt adding up

due to dixie’s failing body, she would sometimes lose control of her bowels inside the house, which was becoming unacceptable when she stayed in overnight. so, she stayed outside. she and bean bonded, so they stayed outside together too. (and for clarity here, i know what some of you might want to say, but we knew very early on that bulldogs do not do well with heat or isolation. we also know that dixie probably shouldve been put down years ago, but here’s the trouble: my stepfather would not let us euthanize her. she is his dog technically, and the thought hurt him so much that he would not agree to it for YEARS. dixie and bean were too attached to separate them for long periods of time like they would be if we kept bean inside mostly and her outside mostly; that would’ve been cruel in its own special way. we put pools out for bean and visited with both dogs for as much as we could outside, bathed them, put fans out for them in the summer. our only option to give bean the main love and care he needed was, and of course we had other reasons to do this, to put dixie down, which was where we thought we were finally going to be by tomorrow, but thats not what happened, as you can tell)

as to be expected, bean sometimes found his way inside, mostly by applying his american bulldog traits to memorizing when unfamiliar guests would come over and bolt in the house. he did this enough times and very recently we were letting him stay inside instead of taking him back out, and all of these experiences combined, we noticed something: bean was housebroken. he was out of practice with it, and did not know very well how to communicate that he needed to go outside to use the bathroom, but he did know what to do. he would run to the door if he had to go, not always making it, but still, he was housebroken. he only marked furniture once while inside, in his entire lifespan thus far. that was a red flag to us, but especially my mother, who realized this skill of beans directly contradicted the statement that he was probably kept outside, chained up, starved, and beaten by the trailer park guy. not to mention, bean came to us in nearly perfect condition to begin with, just skinny. no patches of fur gone, he was the opposite of skittish and aggressive, no bruises, nothing. just a loving, bouncy, stupid bulldog mix

this, im not sure if im correct about this, but it stands out enough to me that i feel its worth mentioning: bean is not a mutt of any kind, and his breed contradicts those types of breeds most people who abuse animals come to own; usually large breeds, breeds inaccurately known for aggression, and breeds used by abusers to make aggressive bc they know the fighting power of these dogs (pitbulls, american bulldogs, etc). bean is an engam bulldog (english/american mix), which is a very obscure mixed breed dog to begin with and especially obscure where i live, and as we all know english bulldogs are short, stout, fat little things that can basically do no harm whatsoever. they also have a history of inbreeding to look how they do. i know this man may have just seen ‘bulldog’ and snagged him thinking he’d be aggressive, but that does not sit right with me for two other reasons: bean’s conformation (body structure) and coloration. there is nothing about bean that suggests he was bred to be used for fighting, or that he’s a true mutt, or anything of the sort. his body type literally resembles that of show dogs, and his fur coloration is highly unusual because he’s blue. obviously not literally blue but the type of blue-grey you can find in animals, typically seen in cats. bean’s coloration is almost NEVER found in ANY breed of bulldog, it is INCREDIBLY rare that he looks like this. his condition in which we found him, his housebrokenness, his color and his body formation lead, in me and my family’s opinion, to an alternative opinion: he belonged to someone that got him because they wanted a dog as a pet, not to beat, and they either bred him themselves or bought him (probably from a pet store or breeder) for his color and conformation. 

but why would they dump a dog this valuable? my mom said this to me earlier, sobbing after she returned from the vet today, and this is my whole reason for writing this insane fucking novel of a post: whoever dumped bean threw out a sick puppy, and on purpose.

bean hasnt been injured or contracted an unvaccinated illness or anything like that. he had been experiencing extreme stomach distension for the past month, whereas he was losing weight everywhere else on his body. he had also been vomiting. but he wasnt depressed, or lethargic. maybe his personality was a little off but not so much it was horribly noticeable, and at that, he was still eating regularly everyday. we came to the conclusion he had parasites, though ive always been terrified something more serious was going on (i dont get listened to though).

as it turns out, i was right. mom took him in today, the day before dixie was set to be put down, for his deworming pills. what she got instead was a diagnosis of possible lung cancer. his blood work was normal, which is unusual in animals with cancer, but he still had nodules on his lungs that highly resembled cancer. his heart was also severely enlarged due to heartworms, and his stomach was so distended because it was full of fluid and blood. they did send his blood off for labs, but even if his lungs were fine, he was going to die anyway (they got a second opinion from another practice and they also agree it was probably cancerous). he has a 15% survival rate for only the very first heartworm treatment, which will cost $500. nothing lives very long with an enlarged heart to begin with. we don’t have that money, and for a treatment that will definitely kill him? i dont even know why he has so much blood and fluid in his digestive tract. bean, a dog who is only 3 or 4 years old, has an enlarged heart, lung tumors and fluid/blood all in his abdomen. the vet was apparently stunned that a dog this young could have this many potentially (and one definitely) fatal health problem(s).

i now fully believe that whoever owned him before knew he had all these issues, or that he was going to develop them. i think it makes sense. i also think they’re cheap, cruel fucks who didnt want to shell out that much money to take care of him, or pay to take him to a shelter/sanctuary, and so what did they do? they did what many people these days very regularly do when their new pet has become undesirable: they fucking dumped him on the side of the road and booked it. took his nametag off and everything, to make him look like a stray. they left him for some well meaning, animal loving family like mine to find him, not know anything about these preexisting health issues, and assume he’s healthy enough; maybe just needs a few more vaccinations and a worm and flea treatment. he showed no signs of lung cancer or heart problems in all his life up until this past month, and he’s still so young. i will even go as far as to say that he himself may be severely inbred, which could be the cause of these health issues. given his specific posture and color, and that he’s a bulldog, it’d make sense. it seems like he came from some kind of breeder to begin with anyway.

so now that ive said that and got it all out of the way, i want to leave an open letter to the hypothetical cunt that did this to us and bean:

i hope god fucking strikes you down where you stand. i hope every single day of your miserable fucking life, you think about where he ended up, if he’s still alive, if anyone found him, if he ever got hit by a car or died alone of cancer and heart failure in a field somewhere. i hope you feel guilt for leaving him knowing he’d develop cancer and that he had heart worms, and knowing you did it BECAUSE of that. i hope you never fucking forget about the fact that you threw an INNOCENT LITTLE PUPPY out on the highway because you just didnt want to have anything to do with his illnesses, and i hope one day you find out what you did to us and this innocent little boy. he’s such a good fucking dog, he is so patient, kind, loving and gentle, and when he has bursts of energy to play he fucking goes, and now he has to die barely halfway through his lifespan because of your fucking negligence. he is laying outside on the porch right now, uncomfortable with fluids and blood backing up his intestines, coughing and huffing just to try and breathe. at the very least, if he were taken to the right shelter, he couldve been fucking cared for and given treatments to extend his life as much as possible, or at least given hospice care for however long he could live, which has now been shortened to 3 or 4 years. if you yourself knew this dog was inbred or you inbred him yourself, fuck you. i hope you get run over by a fucking truck. this breed can live from 12-16 years, that’s a LONG time for a dog like him, and you had to fucking ruin it all because of your own fucking preferences; you wanted the perfect dog. and you could’ve had him if you’d grown a fucking heart and actually gave a shit about animals beyond how they look aesthetically; as well, if you fucking actually gave a shit about your animals HEALTH and wanted to maintain it instead of apparently assuming he’d just be fine and healthy with all his vaccinations and that’d be the end of it. you do not deserve to own an animal if you dont even want to acknowledge it will sometimes need medical care, how fucking heartless are you? we never had enough money to take care of dixie’s failing health, and we always knew it’d be better to put her down, but my stepdad kept refusing. you had enough money to fucking breed or buy a blue show-quality engam bulldog and you still wouldnt fucking care for him after you found out what problems he had. fuck you. eat shit and die. i hope you never find peace from the guilt of knowing you fucking killed what became our dog because you’re selfish. my mother is physically sick with grief. i am physically sick with grief. i feel so bad that it’s as if i have the fucking flu. i was trying to talk with my mother about this situation earlier and i had to rush to leave because i felt like i was about to throw up if i didnt. everyone in this house has cried so much today it’s disgusting. 

the only thing good about this is that bean came along for dixie when she needed him most, and became her helper and provider, giving her company and being a literal post to lean on for when she couldnt see where she was going. they’re going over the rainbow bridge tomorrow morning together, and in a way, this is probably the best outcome. at least bean wont have to grieve. dixie can see her old companion again (who died from a ruptured tumor in 2014) and bean can meet him, and they can all play and be together in that field in the sky. 

my family will never have another dog again because of this pain this has caused us.

[captainjellyroll]

my first time at an ER.

i... wasnt exactly planning on posting this anywhere besides a quick story on my snapchat & instagram, since i wanted it to be deleted in 24 hours. it isnt anything too major to worry about, but after thinking it over for a while; i finally kinda know what i wanted to say.

im posting about this not to worry anyone, or get pity. i genuinely feel like this might help someone who might need it.

[[ tw; heavy suicide mentions, mental illness talk, hospital stuff. ]]

all of it is under the cut, including one picture i took of my hospital wristbands so y’all dont think im lying or smth. its a long storytime, but it has a moral, and i think its useful to those struggling with intrusive or suicidal thoughts. thank you!

let’s start with my mental illness.

i was diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, and ADHD almost 2 years ago. i was on medication, going to therapy, and feeling a lot better once i got help. everything was getting better, and i was happier.

until last year, when i moved.

my medical care was back in California, and they couldnt follow me to Minnesota. so, i was without medical help for almost a year. this past year has been a struggle on me mentally, and i relied on certain “drug dealers” to provide me with any leftover anti-depressants i could get my hands on. but, soon i ran out of resources and there was no where i could turn.

it took me months to get motivated and even attempt to get MN state insurance for medical care. yesterday i had my very first appointment in Minnesota to go get meds.

it is very very very bad to be off your meds for even a day, but i was off my meds for a year.

as soon as i finally sat down to talk to someone about getting me back on medication, i was very open about my mental health. i told the doctor about how recently ive been feeling unmotivated, low on energy, and...

how ive been suicidal.

she gave me this very shocked look; possibly because of the way i dress very upbeat and how i am in person. but, she listened and asked me more about my recent suicidal tendencies.

i told her how this was all very recent, and that it was usually very spur of the moment. i could be overwhelmed, glance at a bottle of pills, and a voice in my head would say “you know, you could take all of those right now and it would be painless.” or i could just be walking my dog, and an intrusive memory would attack me, then a voice in my head would tell me "just be a little more careless with crossing the road this time”.

she asked me “how often does this happen?” and i answered “almost daily.”

she nodded and frowned at me, then proceeded to go get another doctor. it took a while, but when i was left alone my eyes started to water but i told myself not to cry. she finally came back and told me if i wanted to go to the ER.

i was very confused, and i asked why i would need to go. and she simply explained that she didnt want to send me home with new medication, and make a bad decision when im alone with those pills.

and then i started to cry.

deep down, i knew i wouldnt actually follow through, because i knew i was finally getting help. but, in the moment, i was very doubtful of my capabilities and own strength. i was very concerned about myself, and i kept on telling her “i dont know” and how ive never been to and ER before. when im in pain, im too scared to even call an ambulance because putting a dramatic situation on someone as little as me seemed silly to me. but, the doctor was very convincing. she even said i might have to stay overnight, which scared the heck outta me.

she recommended i go via ambulance, but Katie ended up taking me instead. they were very strict that Katie take me straight to the hospital-- no detours.

i was shaking the entire ride there, but we finally arrived and we checked in. they did not hesitate to tag me with wristbands. i had to tell several officials that i was there because the previous doctor i saw told me to come to the ER due to “suicidal tendencies”.

every new person i saw asked me the same exact questions and sent me from one scary room to the next. i got my blood pressure checked no less than 3 times, and i signed a couple things along the way. until i ended up in a room with a bed, a couple chairs, a TV, and scrubs to change into.

i somehow ended up in a hospital patient room.

i changed into the hospital scrubs, and they took away my belongings to sanitarily seal them, and then locked them up in a safe along with my cell-phone.

i was quarantined as an actual patient.

katie eventually came to join me, having her belongings taken away from her as well, and she was tagged with a bright orange “visitor” badge.

i was very shaken and scared, and i didnt know i was going to get to this point. katie was confused, but very supportive and comforted me the entire time.

we saw several nurses and staff members, who interviewed us and checked up on me. there was a very long wait until we finally saw the social worker that my doctor told me to talk to, but in the meantime i just talked with katie to clear my head and feel a little better. (i was resting my head on her lap, but then a security guard came in and told us we were not allowed to do that, which sucked.)

at this point, after waiting for so long and going through this entire process to talk to someone of importance-- i felt much calmer and i was all out of tears. i was more clear-headed, and after talking with katie and experiencing what the ER was like, i realized...

i dont need to be here.

the social worker finally arrived, and we talked about why i was there. it didnt take that much effort to explain the situation and get things straightened out. she was very understanding, and she called the doctor that sent me here and she got me on new medication!

from checking into the first clinic, to being checked into a hospital 5 hours later- i finally got my anti-depressants. it wasnt that necessary to get me into hospital scrubs and quarantine me, but... here’s where the lesson comes in.

i know now what i should do if i get too suicidal.

i didnt know what would happen if i went to the ER, i didnt know what even happens at the ER. i didnt know you could check yourself in, or that mental health stuff such as suicidal tendencies would be allowed at the ER.

once you walk in, and tell the front desk that you are having suicidal tendencies-

they will not hesitate to tag you and send you somewhere safe. as soon as i said “suicidal” they printed off a name-tag and the lady smiled and said “i’m glad you didnt do it and decided to get help.” and immediately sent me off into the maze that is the ER.

i dont know if the experience is different based off your insurance, but i applied for the Minnesota state insurance for low-income people through MNsure, and everything mental health related was free. i didnt pay for visits, i didnt pay copay, i didnt pay for meds- the only thing that was paid was parking for katie’s car at the hospital.

but yea, it was a crazy, wild ride, and at the end of the day im glad i got to experience it. some people might say it was a waste of time, or a misunderstanding, or unnecessary-

but im glad it happened, because i know what to expect if i do ever feel suicidal.

and, i hope someone who is reading this knows what to expect too. i know its easier said than done, but honestly-- there is more help out there than you think.

if you are ever feeling suicidal, go to the nearest ER. they want to help you, and they will get you somewhere safe. they’ll work out the details later, but if you need help ASAP, they will provide it for you, no matter what. at least, thats what i think happens. i hope thats true...

anyways, thank you for reading this incredibly long and personal story, and i hope you learned something like i did.

i am on new anti-depressants now, and dont worry- i wont overdose on them.

thank you everyone who gave me kind wishes, and im sorry for the scare. i wasnt trying to worry anybody.

i’ll keep on fighting. 💕💕💕

[uncreativc]

*  ♡ ╰  wong yukhei. twenty three. cismale + he/him  ⁄   any time kendal zheng is in the test kitchen they play boogie by brockhampton. the leo sign has been working at that’s amore for two years as a sugar rusher. since then the ebullient has built a reputation for being goofy & bold but also childish & stubborn. could that be the the reason why their palate enjoys shrimp and pb & j sandwiches ? but it for sure explains why crude drawings on recipes, worn baseball hats, weird late night texts, being loudest person at a party remind me of them. ☇ mars. 18+. she/they. est.

yeah yeah go ahead and say it mars late mars never on time :rolls_eyes:. mars doesnt even know the concept of time so yeah thats who i am and yeah i orbit around nothing thats why my names mars. this is my Himbo kendal no relation to jenner but he might joke about being part of the kardashians. this took way longer than i wanted it too but thats okay watched a video the other day that was doing pokemon races and shuckle won so :D below will be like a semblance of a bio

P I N T E R E S T   |  D O S S I E R 

google searches include: how many teeth do i have, are we running out of almonds, why do people eat corn off the cob, how much would a pyramid cost, am i in a pyramid scheme, if you die on an operating table and come back to life is your birthday changed?

SUUUUPER competitve if there is challenge videos coming out you know hes trying to get in on that. stuck a marble up his nose once to prove he could do it put an entire cupcake in his massive ass mouth no one would stop him. ATE A SPOONFUL OF WASABI FOR WHAT?!

kendal is a middle child and it defintiely shows, their dumbass chaotic nature was definitely born out of being neglected and forgotten about. living in a shadow wasnt the greatest for them and then not even getting the attention of being a baby for long by his moms did their best to be equal with them all but kendal felt ****it****. they play it off as just being goofy and playful most of the time but he can get up to some real trouble when he feels like it. mostly out of just making bad decisions

too much energy - talks too much and is bad for interrupting he generally doesnt really have anything of use to add to a conversation other than weird stories, strange questions, and weird conspiracy theories but hes fun and loud and loves to be the centre of attention. this can be annoying honesly hes friendly and loyal he’d never turn someone down till the day he dies its just... bro is a lot to deal with sometimes hes so much of a loud ass clown and go against clearly something you told him not to do like jump up on a table leave a complete mess in the kitchen squeeze toothpaste in the middle of the tube. you know shit like that.

definitely is scared easily like you could easily scare him in the kitchen hes scared of the most stupid things like dark mirrors, his hair blowing off his body and landing on a dead body and him becoming a suspect for a murder. 

he loooooves camping which is kinda funny for someone who gets scared about the most irrational things. does he think a bear is gonna come and rip his tent apart? yeah probably but he still likes it. defintiely went to boy scouts growing up earned a lot of badges learned how to tie knots you know the usual. only had his moms cheat and make him patches like... once or twice. 

probably forgot it was your birthday or that you invited him out to something. you know the nana you have that never remembers and just sends random gifts and they say happy birthday. yeah thats him.

a little oblivious he wont know if youve caught feelings for him and assumes everything is just playful until otherwise told thats what he gets for flirting too much without even realizing. it gets him into trouble because people think they have something and he’s just like :O i thought we were just bros. maybe if he wasnt so flirty and dumb this wouldnt be a problem but its not going to stop him any time soon. hes very casually flirty with everyone he meets honestly. hes just a goof and a lot of times that shit comes off as super flirting and if you think it is.... youre right!

hes definitely more of a house party kind of guy or get his and sit on the back porch and launch water ballooons at a friend down on the ground. yeah he probably got a concussion from that once because he didnt realize that whiplash is a thing like a true idiot and it definitely knocked him out cold.

has a peanut allergy jokes about either living by the sword that he does not have but swears that he does or die by his peanut allergy.

likes mood rings pokemon cards and worm on a string. yes hes made people worm on a string before as pretty much a friendship bracelet. imagine a dude at a party blasted out of his mind coming up to you and handing you a worm on a string and saying youre his friend and that you deserve this. 

hes a cowboy grew up in the south and definitely plays that up loves dirt biking rock climbing and pretty much everything that doesnt entirely involve working on his farm like he doesnt like horses but does like goats you know? 

asked for an extension through email on his wiiu because he lost his computer somewhere

organized mess. you know that chapstick you dropped like three weeks ago he left it there because he knows exactly where it is. like he could just keep things tidy but what would be the fun in that. doesnt follow recipes like ever just kind of tries to eyeball and remember how things were made

WANTED CONS 

tinder date/ set ups that either led to something or didnt

good friend who hacked their instagram one night and started responding to dms just funny doesnt have to been anything crude. they do it to each other some nights like just hang out

hookups. good or bad. one night stand or on going.

party friends he gave them a worm on a string or something got really fucked up and they tried to make like exactly mcdonlds nuggets the boot ones all night

they stole something from your muse ( bike, spatula, idk anything )  and they caught them LSMDLSMDLMDSLM

they stayed up one night and tried to fully solve a cold case even went to the library so late that they got kicked out. it was a long night full of energy drinks and crazy theories. they still do this sometimes now.

crushes they can be mutual or one sided i really dont mind. like i said before danny kind of gets crushes really easily and they kind of just dissapear out of nowhere as well but like we could work something out

exes good bad or indifferent i really dont mind

old childhod friends could be from summer camp or an old teammate when he used to play more sports, could be literally anything i am down i love past connects 

roommates PLEASE

made edibles that were too strong together ended fucking them over for days

they movie hoped or dine and dashed together like i really dont mind just something funny 

someone he makes videos with id love to brainstorm a really stupid like alt series with another sugar rusher or maybe not even a sugar rusher im down for anything 

rock climbing/paint ball/laser tag friends? video games like smash or something theyre super competitve together 

im good for plotting anything