#and i will say it feels important to me that he regains his memory but equally important that it doesn't happen right away

[commsroom]

when it comes down to it, however much i think about eiffel's memory, whatever my reasoning might be, i think there's a much simpler core explanation for why i feel the way i do. i've said before that, if eiffel did regain his memory, i would want it to happen through 'an eiffel version of change of mind' i.e. a personal inner journey where the narrative he tells himself amounts to some greater reminder, self-confrontation, and self-realization. and that's just it:

eiffel regaining his memory wouldn't be a cop out to me for the same reason that lovelace not actually dying isn't a cop out: it's not just a story beat, it's a catalyst for character development & a better understanding of lovelace as a person. eiffel has spent his whole life trying not to be the person he is, and i just don't feel wolf 359 is the type of story to let him off the hook for that, when the ending is as much about accountability (to ourselves and to others and all the ways those responsibilities overlap) as it is about hope. i think there are ways you could argue that eiffel can still be eiffel without regaining his memory, but i think i've convinced myself that the symbolic resurrection / self-confrontation and acceptance of all the people he's been in the past, in order to move forward, is the more compelling option, especially for what it parallels, and the "eiffel is still eiffel" part is non-negotiable. it doesn't even feel like a question to me.

(and it makes the most sense to me in the context of eiffel's survivor's guilt - "of course i was fine. the driver's always fine." - and tendency towards a type of self-sacrifice and self-punishment that the show ultimately denies him / that doesn't address his real problem. he thinks sacrificing himself for the people he cares about will make up for something, but it won't. having him make that sacrifice and then keep living and keep being doug eiffel, with everything that means, feels like the natural extension of constructive criticism.)

in another story, or in a more theoretical context, there are all kinds of questions you could ask about whether eiffel's memory loss means he's a different person now, but in this case... i think it's better understood in narrative terms and what it represents for him as a character than any broader philosophical conclusion about the nature of the self and human consciousness. (and it is in no way as absolute as people sometimes behave like it is, considering he still has a concept of, like... everything. but that's a whole other topic of discussion.) most importantly, i just don't believe wolf 359 is a story about ideas as much as it is a story about people, these people, and in order to (hypothetically) continue to tell a story about doug eiffel, well. he has to still be doug eiffel. one way or another.

[sadnymi]

「 ✦ Silent treatment. ✦ 」 Mattheo riddle x reader

Summary: Giving Mattheo the silent treatment after an argument wasn't the best idea after all

Words: 5k

Warning: [smut , heavy smut , strong language NSFW]

On days like these, I feel an overwhelming urge to rearrange Mattheo's face. Despite our discussions and my heartfelt pleas, he seems to have a remarkable talent for ignoring everything I say.

The memory of our conversation echoed in my mind: my desperate pleas for him to leave that wretched boy alone, the hollow promises he'd made to appease me.

And now, that very same boy was lying in the hospital. Quite a coincidence, isn't it?

The cold shoulder was the only response I could muster, a potent cocktail of disappointment and anger simmering just beneath.

"Look," he started, a cocky edge to his voice, "that jerk had it coming. You can't just let people walk all over you."

My blood ran cold. He wasn't remorseful, he was proud. My icy glare intensified.

"So you think injuring someone and getting them suspended is the answer?" I countered, my voice laced with controlled fury.

He shrugged, a nonchalant act that did little to hide the flicker of unease in his eyes. "He'll learn his lesson," he muttered, avoiding my gaze.

“ so , are you “ my voice tinged with disappointment as I turned away, leaving him behind. Maybe I wasn't that hungry after all

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"Ah, I see you're in the mood for a silent treatment today," he remarked dryly as he leaned against the nearby wall, his tone laced with sarcasm. "Must be a new strategy in the art of communication, or perhaps it's just your way of keeping things exciting."

"Either way," he continued, a smirk playing at the corner of his lips, "I'm impressed by your dedication to the cause. Who needs words when we can communicate through meaningful silence, right?" His eyes sparkled with amusement as he waited for my response, clearly enjoying the playful banter.

"Meaningful silence?" I scoffed. "That's a new one, Mattheo. Very poetic."

He chuckled, the sound low and rich. "Hey, I'm just trying to keep up with your level of dramatics."

I crossed my arms, feigning offense. "My dramatics? You're the one who turns every situation into a Shakespearean tragedy."

He raised an eyebrow, his smirk widening. "Is that so? Well, I suppose every play needs a leading lady."

I couldn't help but smile despite myself. "And what role do you think you play in this drama?"

He leaned in closer, his voice dropping to a whisper. "The charming rogue, of course. The one who keeps the plot interesting."

I shook my head. "You certainly do that, Mattheo. Whether I like it or not."

His grin was infectious. "I'll take that as a compliment. Now, are you ready to break the silence and actually talk to me?"

“actually I have something to do “ i said

As I turned to leave, Mattheo's taunting words followed me. "Ignite me, Lady Macbeth."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "Don't flatter yourself," I retorted.

He grabbed my arm lightly as I tried to walk away. "Don't roll your eyes unless you want this conversation to continue somewhere else y/n "

"I have something important to do," I replied coolly, trying to free my arm from his grasp.

He persisted, asking, "Like what?"

"Visiting a patient in the hospital," I said, finally pulling away and smiling.

Mattheo chuckled. "You'll regret this little act, baby."

"I thought we were in a play," I quipped before turning and walking away.

Truth be told, I had no intention of visiting that snobby Gryffindor in the hospital. Mattheo's broken promise irked me, but I couldn't muster any sympathy for the boy who got what he deserved.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

As the days went by, Mattheo's attempts to regain my attention became more evident. He started showing up unexpectedly in places I frequented, always with a casual excuse or a playful remark.

But today , today was something else , he deliberately sat closer to a group of giggling Ravenclaw girls, laughing a little too loudly at their jokes and engaging in animated conversation.

I couldn't help but notice, my eyes flickering over to his table every now and then. It was frustrating how effortlessly he could draw attention, even when he wasn't trying. I busied myself with my own friends, trying to ignore the pang of jealousy that crept into my chest.

However, Mattheo wasn't done with his antics. As the meal progressed, he caught my eye from across the room and winked mischievously. It was a subtle gesture, but it made my heart race in a way I didn't want to admit.

Feeling a surge of annoyance mixed with curiosity, I excused myself from my friends and made my way over to his table. "What's with the show?" I asked, trying to sound unaffected.

Mattheo grinned, leaning back in his chair casually. "Just trying to keep things interesting," he replied with a shrug. "Besides, it's not every day I get to make you jealous."

I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest. "You wish."

He chuckled, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "Admit it, you were totally watching ."

“ well played riddle well played “ I walked away

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

The days crawled by, each one painted in shades of frosty silence between Matteo and me. Rumors swirled around the school like rogue Bludgers. Had we finally called it quits? The question hung heavy in the air, fueled by Mattheo's brooding demeanor and my own steely resolve.

One particularly dreary afternoon, I found myself drowning my sorrows (or at least trying to ) in a big cup of apple juice in the library. Lost in a dusty tome about ancient magical creatures, I barely registered the approaching figure until a shadow fell across the page.

Looking up, I encountered a smug face I vaguely recognized – Zacharias Clifton, a Quidditch player from Ravenclaw notorious for his greasy hair and even greasier personality. "Mind if I join you, lovely?" he drawled, his voice dripping with a forced charm that made me cringe.

Before I could muster a response, he slid into the seat opposite me, invading my personal space with a confidence that reeked of entitlement. "So, I hear you're single these days," he continued, his eyes gleaming with a predatory glint.

I gritted my teeth, the urge to hex him into a toad growing stronger by the second. Just as I was about to unleash a verbal scathing of epic proportions, a familiar voice cut through the air.

"Actually, Clifton, she's very much taken."

Mattheo stood in the doorway, his usual swagger amplified tenfold. His gaze, however, wasn't directed at Zacharias, but at me. A flicker of something that looked suspiciously like possessiveness crossed his features before he turned his attention back to the unwelcome visitor.

"See your broomstick awaits," Mattheo said, his voice laced with a dangerous edge. "Don't let me keep you from your precious practice."

Zacharias, his face a comical shade of purple, sputtered something incoherent before gathering his dignity (or what little he possessed) and retreating with a disgruntled scowl.

The library door swung shut with a satisfying thud, leaving Mattheo and me alone in the hushed silence. My heart hammered against my ribs, a chaotic rhythm that seemed to echo in the stillness.

Mattheo took a tentative step forward, his hand hovering in the air for a moment before gently settling on the back of my chair. "Can we talk?" he murmured, his voice a husky whisper.

"Yeah, just not here," I managed to get the words out, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Lead the way," he said, his arm tightening around me possessively as we walked out of the library

The anger that had simmered within me for days threatened to fade once I saw him, and it just hit me how much I missed him.

As we made our way to our secret chamber (the hidden chamber we found last year and claimed as ours),tucked away from the curious eyes and whispers of Hogwarts, Mattheo's touch took on a possessive edge. His hands found every excuse to claim me, a silent proclamation to the entire school that I was still his .

With each step down the narrow passage, Mattheo drew me closer, his fingertips tracing tantalizing patterns on my skin. The sensation sent delightful shivers through me, igniting a quiet thrill of belonging in his arms amidst the bustling halls of our magical world.

The soft glow of the hidden chamber beckoned us, casting an enchanting ambiance that mirrored the intimacy between us.

As soon as we were finally in , I turned to him,my voice tinged with anger."What was that all about ? A show for the audience ? "

He met my gaze, a playful glint simmering beneath the surface of his seriousness. "Just reminding everyone that you're happily taken."

"Happily?" I scoffed, pushing against his arm, "We haven't spoken a word to each other in days!"

He leaned even closer, his voice dropping to a husky whisper. "And whose fault is that, love? " His warm breath tickled my ear, sending shivers cascading down my spine.

My cheeks burned, a mixture of annoyance and something else entirely swirling within me. "Yeah, going to blame that all on me now?"

"No," he paused, his eyes searching mine. "I just don’t understand why you're so mad about what I did to that perk."

I sighed, "it’s not about him , Mattheo… You know that," I conceded, my voice softer than I intended. "It’s about the promise you made and broke. You know how much I hate that."

It stirred up emotions I'd rather forget. Let's just say, coming from a family where promises were often broken had its drawbacks.

"So you've chosen to give me the silent treatment instead of talking it out? Is that your solution y/n?"

I scoffed, crossing my arms defensively. "I didn’t expect it to drag on this long. I was upset,but Maybe then I get tired of being treated like an afterthought."

"An afterthought?" he scoffed back, incredulous. "You haven't spoken to me in days!"

"And whose fault is that?" I shot back, my voice rising. "You waltzed over to those Ravenclaw girls like they were the only ones who existed!"

"That was a stupid attempt to get your attention, alright!" he snapped, his frustration boiling over. "I never meant to make you feel like an afterthought."

"But you did!" I yelled, my voice echoing in the damp chamber.

He ran a hand through his hair, his frustration evident. "I messed up, okay? I know that! But instead of talking to me about it, you shut me out."

"And what was I supposed to do?" I countered, my voice softening slightly. "Sit back and watch you flirt with every girl who walks by?"

"It wasn't flirting!" he defended, his voice strained.

"Then what was it?" I challenged, narrowing my eyes. "Because from where I was standing, it looked an awful lot like flirting."

"That's not fair," he said, his voice low. "And what about what you said? Visiting that perk in the hospital? Was that supposed to make me feel better?"

He was so close that I could feel his breath on my face

"Maybe I overreacted about Michael," I mumbled, finally breaking the silence.

"Maybe you did," he agreed cautiously anger in his eyes and lips so close to mine

“it’s really fucking rich of you to push the blame into me “ I screamed in his face frustration boiling over

“yet i was the only one putting in the effort to fix things!” He said back with lips so close to mine

“you didn’t even —” pulling me close. In a rush his lips were on mine I didn’t get to finish the words . It took a few moments for me to come to my senses; letting my eyes flutter closed as i kissed him back. The kiss wasn't gentle or sweet. It was needy and heated as mattheo’s tongue moved against mine.

In an instant, I found myself pressed against the wall, his mouth devouring me hungrily. His hand on the back of my neck drew me closer, while the other rested on my waist, kneading the flesh there. He pulled away slightly, speaking against my lips “ jump”He ordered, and I complied wrapping my legs around him

"Mattheo—" He silenced me once more with a kiss.

His black hair was hanging down into his face, so i pushed it back. 

As he ended the kiss, his hands reached for my robe, tossing it aside. Next, his fingers trailed to the hem of my shirt, pulling it upward. Throughout, his gaze remained locked with mine as he removed the shirt, adding it to the pile on the ground. . “If you just wanted a dirty fuck , you should have just asked” 

Gently placing me on the bed, he observed as I sank into the soft sheets. He removed his shirt and joined me, straddling my hips without a word. His eyes held mine as he pushed up my skirt. "This stays," he stated firmly, maintaining direct eye contact.

He then moved to hook his fingers in the waistband of my underwear. Slowly, he pulled down the lace material, causing me to close my eyes in response to the sensation.

"Matt, what are you doing?" I asked breathlessly, feeling his warm breath against my thighs.

His hands glided up and down my thighs, eliciting a soft moan from me as I savored the sensation of his skin against mine. It had only been a week, but I missed this closeness immensely.

My eyes flew open as his hands gently spread my legs, his face drawing closer between my thighs.“ You’re so wet for me.” he chuckled cockily “ i this a new kink we just discovered “

“you’re so full of Yourself .” I didn’t help the smile that comes

“and you’re about to be full of me, so what does that make us?” He Murmuring as His hands wrapped around my thighs, pulling me closer to his mouth.

“ Merlin's Beard! “I moaned so loudly

never breaking eye contact as his tongue lapped at my wetness. I moaned loudly, the sensation overwhelming me as Matt's tongue explored my wetness. Each flick of his tongue and gentle suck sent waves of pleasure coursing through my body, making me tremble beneath him. My heart raced, the sound echoing in my ears as I expressed how much I had missed him.

"God, Matt, I missed you so much," I moaned, my mouth agape and my toes curling into the sheets. My hands instinctively tangled in his hair, urging him on with each movement. I cried out his name as the intensity built, feeling like I was on the brink of ecstasy.

But then, it stopped.

Confused and desperate, I lifted my head from the pillow, tears in my eyes as I struggled to catch my breath. "Why... why did you stop?" I cried out, my voice a mixture of frustration and need.

Matt flashed me an amused smile, teasing me further with a kiss to my aching clit. My breathing quickened again as he kissed along my inner thigh, deliberately avoiding where I wanted him most.

"Matt," I whimpered, regretting the frustration I must have caused him. His kisses trailed back up my body until he was face to face with me, watching me quiver beneath him.

"Please," I begged softly, feeling the desperation creeping into my voice.

“ what is it my sweet girl? “ He brushed my hair aside and planted a gentle kiss on my forehead. "You've been teasing me all week," he murmured, his eyes filled with desire. "Wearing those short skirts, laughing with my friends, giving me the silent treatment."

He kissed me again, his touch sending shivers down my spine. "I've wanted nothing more than to take you right then and there , to fuck you senseless that my name will be the only thing you remember " he confessed, his voice husky with desire.

His lips trailed down to my earlobe, where he bit it softly, eliciting another moan from me. His mouth continued its journey, claiming every inch of my body with his tongue and teeth, until he reached my chest.

I arched back, silently pleading for his attention on my breasts. With a teasing hook of his finger, he slid down the neckline of my top, removing the lace of my bra in the process. His mouth captured one nipple, sucking slowly while his free hand caressed the other.

His actions sent shivers down my spine as he licked, sucked, and bit, creating a delicious rhythm that had me gasping for more.

"I'm sorry," I cried out, tears welling up in my eyes. "I missed you so much, and seeing you laughing with those girls hurt."

"I know, my sweet girl, I know," he whispered, his head buried between my legs once more. "Let me make it up to you."

With renewed fervor, he sucked harshly on my clit, his fingers pumping in and out of me rhythmically. The combination of sensations overwhelmed me, and I couldn't help but moan in pleasure.

As my body reached its peak, I gripped his hands tightly, feeling the fluttering release of my orgasm. I moaned his name loudly, I moaned his name probably too loudly for ghosts in the castle liking, pulled him up for a passionate kiss, savoring the taste of myself on his lips.

“Turn around,” he says,

I obeyed his command to turn around, and he slowly unpinned my hair, letting it cascade down my back in loose waves. He pushed it over one shoulder with deliberate care, his fingers trailing down my spine, igniting goosebumps along my skin , his fingers trailing down my spine, brushing the skin on my back.

His lips found their way to my neck, planting soft kisses that trailed down to my shoulder. Then, I felt his fingertips running along my skin again, sending a shiver of anticipation through me. His touch entered my hot, dripping core, and I couldn't help but let out a loud moan, begging for more.

"Do you like that?" he asked, his voice filled with desire.

"Yeah," I managed to say between moans.

“Is this why you were shouting nonsense at me? Because all you really wanted was me to fuck you senseless? Huh?” His words were like fire, and as he added another finger, I couldn't help but scream in pleasure.

continued to pump his fingers into me, increasing the intensity with each stroke. his finger got faster and faster His thumb pressed onto my clit, sending waves of pleasure through my body, gripping the bedding hard as the third finger carefully joins the others hitting my g-spot continuously , trying to close my legs, his free hand keep them parted I felt my orgasm building stronger than ever before, my body unable to contain the pleasure.

He turned me around, kissing my cheek softly before returning to my open mouth, sucking my bottom lip between his own. "That was so hot," he grunted, concern lacing his tone. "Are you alright baby ?"

I took a moment to gather my thoughts, my chest heaving with each breath. Despite the intensity of the moment, my predominant feeling was one of satisfaction and desire.I hummed

“ need words my love “

"Yes Matt I’m alright " I managed to say, pulling him down for a deep, passionate kiss.

His hips pressed against mine as we kissed, his covered arousal rubbing against my heat, sending a surge of desire through me. I trailed my hands down his muscular back until I reached the waistband of his sweatpants.

"Baby, stop," he murmured, concern lacing his tone. "Are you sure you want to keep going? I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed."

"I've never been more sure about anything," I whispered, kissing his cheek. "I missed you, I want you."

He moaned as I touched his erect member through the fabric, his breath hitching slightly. "You need to stop, love," he managed to say, his voice strained with desire.

"Sorry," I replied, pulling my hands away quickly. He leaned down to kiss my neck softly, causing me to close my eyes and wrap my arms around him.

"You never have to apologize," he whispered against my earlobe before whispering, "I’m going to make love to you," and pressing his lips to mine in tender kisses. then onc again pressing his lips to mine in sweet, sweet kisses.

one of my favourite thing about mattheo is how gentle he can be. He can be so passionate when he wants to and right now i can feel the love behind his kisses. 

Feeling his cock tapping against my clit a few times, I couldn't help but let out a moan as he guided himself into me. Taking hold of my leg again, he used them both as leverage to push himself fully inside me. I moaned into his ear, my breath hitching in anticipation.

"Fuck," I whispered, watching him mutter under his breath as he slid in and out of me slowly. The sensation was incredible; I could feel every inch of him dragging over my most sensitive parts.

"Keep those pretty eyes on me, baby," he whispered, and I opened my teary eyes slowly, doing as he said. He smiled, his gaze filled with desire. "That's it, good girl ."

Still buried deep inside me, his movements began to pick up speed. My breath caught in my throat as pleasure surged through me.

"Oh," I gasped, my head dropping back as my mouth fell open in pleasure.

"You feel so fucking good," he grunted with each thrust. "So fucking mine."

I hummed in response, words escaping me as Mattheo continued to drive me wild. With each thrust, my moans grew louder, reaching a crescendo of pleasure.

"Mattheo," I moaned, his name leaving my lips like a prayer.

"That's it, baby," he replied, his lips devouring mine softly. "So beautiful, moaning my name like that."

With a gentle touch, he pushed my hair out of my face before placing his hands on my cheeks. His eyes roamed my face while he continued to thrust into me at a slow, deliberate pace. I looked at him with half-lidded eyes, my chest rising and falling with rapid breaths.

As he started to thrust harder, I grabbed a fistful of the sheets, feeling the intensity building within me. His hips bucked against me, his face buried in the crook of my neck. The faster pace and increased pressure caused my eyes to roll back in my head. I was on the edge of my high, having come so close moments earlier.

"Mattheo, I can't wait any longer," I screamed out, wrapping my legs around his torso tightly and intertwining our hands.

"Not yet," he grunted, turning his head to meet my gaze. He continued to move in and out of me, keeping eye contact as he held himself up by his forearms. I was so sensitive that the delay in my orgasm began to ache, and I felt the need to let go.

"Please, let me cum, baby," I pleaded, sounded desperate, begging him not to pull away at the last minute again. "I can't..."

And just as I was about to reach my breaking point, he freed one of his hands and snuck it between us, his fingers expertly rubbing at my clit and pushing me over the edge.

"I need you to do something for me, pretty girl. Want to try something?" he asked, and I nodded, willing to do anything he asked in that moment.

He kept everything slow, almost torturous, building up the tightening pressure inside of me with each pass before thrusting so hard the next time that I felt like I was going to pass out.

"Don't be nervous," he murmured, kissing my forehead. "Just relax and let go. I'll keep going until you tell me to stop." His soft tone sent flutters through my heart, and I nodded in response.

My breath hitched as his hand returned to my clit, igniting a fire in my belly. His hard thrusts hit my g-spot, and I screamed out, clinging onto his hand as if my life depended on it.

"Shit," I hissed, feeling him deep inside me, the pleasure building into a heavy weight in my gut. A tingling sensation hummed through my limbs.

"Let go, baby," he ordered, and I did just that as waves of pleasure crashed over me. It was an intense release unlike anything I'd ever felt before, leaving me shakily tilting my head up, tears in my eyes as I watched clear fluid gushing out of me each time Mattheo pulled back.

When he noticed me watching, he withdrew entirely, bringing his soaked fingers to my clit and rubbing fast circles that made me cry out loudly as my muscles spasmed again. Without his presence inside me, an unbroken stream of fluid rushed out, spraying over the bed sheets.

"Oh my god," I whimpered, needing a moment to focus on the overwhelming sensations. Mattheo made a noise of appreciation, reentering me, the wet sounds now more intense as he pushed in again.

"That's my good girl, you just squirted for me, baby. See how good you are," he praised, his words adding to the intensity of the moment.rl you just squirt for me baby see how good you are ”

Pounding into my g-spot hard enough to make my legs shake, he elicited another wave of pleasure that rolled through me. Instinctively, my body responded to Mattheo's instructions, bursts of arousal shooting out of me as I moaned softly with each pump of his hand.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I gasped in sync with his movements.

"Holy shit," Mattheo rasped as he drew his fingers out again, groaning when he returned to my clit and easily worked even more wetness out of me. "You just keep fucking cuming, baby."

I could barely process what he was saying. "Please, cum inside me, Matt," I wanted to mention that I finally got on pills this week but couldn't find the energy to.

"Yeah?" He breathed, "Want me to cum inside this pretty pussy?" Thrusting hard, his fingers still circling my clit, I moaned out his name as I squirted again and again. My pussy started to quiver as he continued to fuck me through it, crying out loudly when I felt him coming inside me as well.

Wetness splashed out of me in endless spurts, soaking my cunt, his hand, and the bed. It felt like I was coming for hours, amazed at what my body was capable of.

"You okay, my love?" He asked, concern evident in his voice as he looked down at me. My eyes were closed, and I gave no indication that I was listening to him, feeling like I had passed out for a second.

"Hey angel, open your eyes to me, please," Mattheo implored, kissing my cheeks and rubbing his thumb soothingly.

"Yeah, I just need a moment," I managed to whisper, feeling drained. "I think you ruined me, Matt," I added with a weak smile.

He chuckled softly, giving me kisses all over my face. "Yeah?" he teased.

"In a good way though," I reassured him.

With a small grunt, Mattheo pushed himself off of me and sat up from the bed. I reached out for him, not wanting him to leave my side yet. He chuckled at my antics, lightly grasping my hand and stroking my fingers before letting it go and stepping away.

"Just going to grab a few things to clean you up, love. I promise I’ll be right back," he assured me.

Nodding, I closed my eyes again, too exhausted to do anything else.

"I brought you some water, darling. You should drink a little," he said as he sat back down on the bed next to me, helping me sit up a bit. I complied lazily, sipping from the glass he held against my lips.

"Now, spread your legs a little, sweetheart. I need to clean you up. Not too sore?" He asked as he gently cleaned me up with a washcloth, my body still sensitive .

As he cleaned me up and tidied the sheets, I felt sleep starting to take over me, comforted by his warmth and embrace. He kissed my face a few times and chuckled softly before I finally drifted off to sleep, feeling content and loved.

"I don’t think I would ever be able to walk again," I joked softly .

"I would carry you then," he replied affectionately.

"Since it’s all your fault, so yes," I teased, feeling a mix of emotions.

"I’m so sorry," he apologized sincerely

"Matt—"

"No, listen. I’m really sorry for everything. It was all my fault from the start. I shouldn’t have promised you that and then go and break it the next day," he admitted regretfully.

“ I’m so sorry too “ I hugged him tightly, hiding my face in his neck as he wrapped his arms around me, pulling the blanket over us.

"Can we sleep here tonight?" I asked, wanting to be close to him.

"We can do anything you want, baby. I will do whatever you want," he promised, kissing my forehead.

"I love you so, so much," I whispered, feeling sleepiness creeping in.

"I love you so much too, my love," he replied, kissing my forehead back.

"Baby?" he said after a moment.

"Yeah?" I replied, feeling sleepy.

"Did you ever think about kids?" he asked, surprising me.

I laughed softly. "What?"he said

"I’m on pills, baby. I finally managed to get them," I explained, resting my head on his chest as I got ready to sleep.

"Baby?" he said again, and I hummed in response.

"Just for your information, I’m going to hit that Zacharias boy so hard tomorrow he can join Michael in the hospital, and Michael doesn’t have to feel lonely anymore. I’m telling you now,"

"I was thinking about hexing him into a toad, but we can decide tomorrow," laughing while giving him one last kiss I said .

[sweetypouch]

Forever With You

Mr. Crawling

Synopsis: Even your home doesn't feel like a home ever since you left the other world, so you decided to go back and stay with him for good.

Spoilers!⚠️ From END03: I'm Back

Incorrect grammar (pls forgive me)

Mr. Crawling being a cutie patootie

I was really feeling like writing something for him because I luv him so much

Word count: 1,648

Ever since you came back to your own world, life's been peaceful. No mysterious rooms, no creepy monsters, and no blood spilling everywhere you go.

At first it was hard to keep yourself sane, being kept for a long time in a world that's not known to you, being away from your loved ones, being alone without anyone to stay with you, of course it would be tough.

Except there's a certain someone who stayed with you throughout your journey, wandered with you around the endless maze of unpredictable paths, protected you from any threats, and taught you two important things: what is love and what it feels like to be loved.

You know people would criticise you, calling you a 'psycho' or even 'insane' for loving a monster like him. And even if it's him against the world, you know to yourself who to pick.

And it'll always be him.

Now...what was his name again?

Mr......Crawling?

Is that it?

It sounds so familiar, yet so foreign to hear.

Am I right?

Or am I wrong?

Where is he?

Ah. That's right. You both got separated just as you reached the exit, it felt so painful leaving without him, like a part of you was stuck elsewhere. What was more horrifying to see is how your memories of the other world slowly fades like it's just a fever dream you once had. A string of hope always comes at the last possible moment, as if it wants you to be stuck to choose whether to keep on trying to remember everything or just let it disappear once and for all.

For the past few nights you've always found yourself stuck in the same dream every single time: Your body under the blankets of a hospital bed, and he's keeping an eye out for you, laying his cold head on your stomach with half of his face hiding underneath his long, black hair, watching you with that seemingly creepy but cute smile of his as he asks the same question over and over again.

"You like me?"

And every time you reply to him with the same answer again and again...

"I like you"

He'd laugh and ruffle your hair. He'd say how happy he is to hear that as he kept on laughing, muttering "I like you" numerous times.

And you'll always wake up with a tear-stained face and a tightened chest, longing for his touch and his love.

So you made the decision to finally end it all, end all the suffering, and go back to that building with no regrets. You prepared yourself and hurriedly ran outside your apartment to find the place where it all started.

The cold and quiet structure had this familiar breeze flowing even on the inside of your thick jacket. When you finally came across a large mirror with lots of cracks and a single hole just in the middle of it, you know you're almost there.

Shoes clacking on the concrete floor with each step, echoing through the spacious hallway, you wasted no time and stopped just infront of the large mirror. You take a glance of yourself, noticing the redness and the puffiness of your eyes as you carefully touched it.

You must've cried really hard last night.

Too focused on yourself, you didn't notice a single eye observing you through the hole. And when you finally shifted your eyes to meet the familiar man, you quickly leaned closer to the void.

"Mr. Gap!" You called out. Desperate eyes staring at him intensely.

You can sense him smiling just from the way his eyes curled up. It has been so long since you last saw him and you can feel yourself regaining those memories you almost lost.

"Please take me back!" You pleaded, not realizing that there's a language barrier between the two different worlds. Mr. Gap frowned, obviously telling you that he doesn't understand a word you said, yet he knows from that tone of your voice that you need help.

"Need help?" He asked.

You nod without a second, and instantly reply back, knowing you're finally getting the hang of their language.

"Need help return" You uttered out, and he was quick to respond, and you know just exactly what he'll do in exchange for helping you.

His hand suddenly pops out of the hole, curled up like he wants you to give something to him, which is just what he wants. "Give me your hair?" He chuckled, waiting for your response.

You took a pause and caressed your hair resting on your shoulder, you never actually realized how long it has been since you came back to your own world, your hair had grown over alot.

You smiled, a signal that you consented and that's where he was quick on action to grab you and the next thing you knew...

You're here.

You're back.

Now you just wished you were at the same time as him.

You looked to your side and found a cracked hole in a wall, and there goes Mr. Gap with his sinister eye smile. You asked him about the others, referring to them as someone you're with the last time you're here.

Happy was definitely an understatement to what you're feeling right now, it's far more than just feeling happy that you're finally here. You can finally see him again. You thanked Mr. Gap and decided to leave, but before he lets you vanish, he gave you a crowbar. It's not what you really needed right now but it's not bad to bring one just in case.

"Thank you" you worded out, still grateful to him for helping you, you're quite lucky he didn't ask for a heart or you would surely do what you need to do, even if it gets real bloody. He left the shadows and you headed off to who knows where, as long as there's a door or a way out.

With a crowbar on your hand, you walk past several rooms, some are familiar, while some are probably a new one. Encountering some familiar faces was really refreshing, some of them were Mr. Masque, Mr. Hood, and Mr. Machete. It's like a reunion with friends from the other side, but they're not the main reason you're here, you were still dedicated into searching for a familiar crawling man whom you really really want to see.

Finally, after resting for a little bit, you finally found that same room you had in your dream, you immediately turned the knob and walked right in.

No one was there.

You plopped down on the bed, feeling down knowing that he wasn't here, he might still be looking for you but you're already worn out, your feet are sore from all that walking and running.

Maybe if you take a rest, you'll find him next to you the moment you wake up. Lifting both your legs on the bed as you get yourself comfortable, you suddenly hear a weeping noise, like someone is crying.

You stopped moving and waited for it to make noise again, and it scared you for a bit, it was really close to you, but there's no one in this room but you.

It sounds like it's coming under the bed. You quickly looked to the left side of the bed, and found nothing, you had to make sure it's safe to look underneath before going at it. You looked to the right side and found a hair peeking out from under your bed, it was long, and dark.

You got up and sat on the floor, just infront of the dark view from under the bed. Leaning closer to examine it very closely, you shrieked for a second and backed away instantly when a face popped out of the shadows.

It looked at you for a while, before deciding to crawl out of there. Soon, it all came to view. It was him.

"Mr. Crawling-" before you could even finish your sentence, he jumped at you and completely wrapped you fully covered on his hold. Your arms made its way to wrap around his neck, hugging him back with your head buried on his shoulder.

"Found you!" He sounded happy as well, and his crying noises had finally stopped. Now it was your time to cry in his arms.

"I'm sorry" you repeated a few times before finally breaking down. He's confused as a baby, not knowing the reason why you're suddenly feeling sad. And with that he replied back. "Why sad? Not happy found me?" His hands gently pet your head, knowing just how much you need it as your sobs and sniffled echoed through the room.

"Happy, too happy" you replied between your sobs, and looked at him with your puffed-out eyes, he looked even more confused and the way his mouth frowned just showed how much he's clueless to what's happening to you. Without any second, he cupped both your cheeks and leaned closer just close enough for his nose to bump into yours.

"You pain? Hurt?" He asked.

"No, me fine" you assured him, and the look on his face was more than enough to make you giggle because it's still as confused as ever, you shrugged the idea of explaining it to him more further as it could lead to more misunderstandings. You gave him a peck on his lips and smiled. The laughter that comes out of him after kissing him was like a remedy for your pain, and you're finally at rest when he keeps you on his hold, muttering words like, "Me together with you", "I like you", and "Protect you".

"You rest?" was the last thing you heard him ask before finally falling asleep, ready for a new day tomorrow with him by your side.

It's decided. You're gonna stay with him forever.

[rafry]

Euclydia, Cults and Need for Control

Disclaimer: this analysis raises sensitive topics. if you are/were a victim of a cult and the topic triggers you, please refrain from reading further(/seek help). Additionally, I am not a specialist on said topic, nor am I a clinician. But I am a survivor, so part of the narrative may or may not be just me projecting the trauma on a silly yellow triangle. That said, reader discretion is advised! :)

The take: Euclydia is likely to be a cult-like society and the reason Bill, after years of abuse, grows up to be as he is: a power-hungry monster. Let's analyze!

For the starters, The Start. Each state has its own anthem. How lucky that we were kindly provided with the Euclidian hymn (hidden under the code "FORGETTHEPAST")! Lets take a look:

"Two dimensions to and from, You always know which way to go If you're lost, don't be afraid, In Euclydia you've got it made! Run too far too right of frame, You'll appear on left again! Jump too high, don't fry or fret, You'll pop up from the ground, I bet! In this place there is no fear, Roles and rules, always clear, Euclydia, we hold you dear…"

That tells us way more than we could've asked for, really. The most important: Euclydia is a state of Clear Rules™. Everything works perfectly thanks to The Rules and The Roles, and the state is loved by it's citizens. It's might be a caricature 2D utopia, but how it reacts when the rules are questioned?

"Eye doctor of a different kind, who wants to make his patient blind The doctor says: 'three sips a day will make the visions go away' Fussy eater, baby Billy Wouldn't drink unless it's silly..."

If there's anything about cults and the way they make people behave, is that the "wrong" ones in the community are usually ostracized and/or heavily medicated to not cause any troubles. Those people are sometimes called 'heretics', but may as well just be called crazy or insane by their peers. Oh look completely unrelated picture:

"Cipher, Cipher, he's insane Starting fires with his brain"

Honestly, the other time it would be it. Euclydia, if not Is, then sure does Act like a cult in some way. I could've finished here, easily, but there's something missing, isn't?

"The hell do you mean by 'The Need to Control', OP?"

I mean that the BILLVILLE is important.

There's the thing about trauma survivors: some of us, after living a life with no control over ones societal position (ostracization/isolation), body (forcibly medicated) or even mind (feeling of inadequacy), crave for some form of control to be regained.

It can turn toxic very quickly when the only form of control one has ever seen in their life is being The Leader (cult leader/shitty parent/armageddon overlord/you get the idea, it's about becoming an authority figure).

And so, Bill becomes a cult leader! Very possibly covering up the need for control and admiration with what I call "The most inefficient way to build an Interdimentional Portal ever", since, well, he's got to lie to himself every now and then, that's his thing (trauma response).

As for the details:

He uses the dead mans body — the body that wouldn't cause any resistance, thus being perfect for taking under control.

He sees the position of the interviewer as more authoritative than the position of the interviewee — and he swaps the roles. That wasn't enough though, so he demands (politely) to be called "My Lord And Master" for a good measure.

He very possibly recreates some of Euclydia-like order in his own "Town" in terms of expressing individuality. They might've been pretty decent in following scripts, I think.

So, I don't think Euclydia has ever been religious in any way, since that would left some other scars on Bills psyche for sure. But highly authoritative, ignorant, strict in its rules to the point of self-damnation? That checks. That's the place that has formed Bill, after all.

That's the place that he wishes to rebuild.

Maybe not consciously, maybe distorted by his illness and broken memory of a loving-paradise-home that has never actually been that way, but he seeks the comfort of familiarity — most of us do. Familiar stings are better than an uncontrollable too-bright future, isn't?

I hope he does well on therapy.

[punkshort]

Hi! I would be more than happy with a drabble about reader regaining a memory-maybe an important one for her and joel-but if this doesn't really inspire you, please don't feel obligated to write it, as I wouldn't want you to struggle because of me

After all, I'm more than happy to read anything else you decide to write!❤️

PS roommates is so so good, I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

Ahh thank you so much! I'm so glad you answered, I have no problem putting on my thinking cap for this! I think we could all use a little fluff today... I hope you enjoy! And thank you again for all your support the past year ❤️

three words

An I Know Who You Are drabble

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: You remember another memory, this one more special than the rest.

Warnings: fluff, implied smut, amnesia

WC: 1.2K

"It's getting late," you mumbled, your eyes closed as you breathed deeply into Joel's chest. The very last thing you wanted to do was get dressed and go home, but you had patrol early in the morning and you didn't trust yourself to wake up early enough to go home and clean up beforehand.

You felt his chest vibrate as he hummed, his hand dragging lazily up and down your bare back, holding you close and just as unwilling to let you go.

"Stay."

You groaned but buried your face deeper, now angling it towards his flushed neck. "I don't have any clothes here."

"Then maybe you should keep some clothes here."

"I could, but that doesn't help me now."

Joel sighed and turned onto his side, tugging you into him, molding you to him and filling every crack and splinter the world left before you. "Wear my clothes."

You laughed softly, the image of Joel's flannel hanging five inches past your fingertips as you struggled to ride in his oversized clothes just too amusing.

"As much as I appreciate the offer," you began as you pulled away, meeting some resistance from his arms, "I don't think that would work."

He groaned and rolled onto his back, the longing evident in his eyes as you slowly stood and stretched, your naked body pulling and bending before seeking out your clothes strewn about his room.

"Move in with me."

You stood abruptly, your jeans and socks tucked protectively against your chest as you stared back at him in shock.

"What?"

He sat up in bed and flicked on his lamp. "Move in with me," he repeated. Your eyes trailed down his broad chest, evidence of the love bites you left on him a mere hour earlier already darkening.

"Oh-" you croaked, feeling your face flare with heat. To hide it, you looked back down at the ground to find the rest of your clothes. "Uh, don't you think that's a little fast?"

"No," he answered, watching as you struggled to pull your underwear back on. "I love you 'n I want you here all the time."

You were in the process of pulling your bra strap over your shoulder when his words reached your ears, knocking into you so hard you forgot to breathe. "W-what did you just say?" you whispered, hand frozen on your shoulder, eyes wide and filled with bewilderment.

He shrugged one shoulder and gave you a little smirk. "I love you."

Your lower lip trembled and you dropped your jeans to the floor. "I love you, too," you said softly.

His eyes lit up and his smile grew wider. "Then quit standin' over there 'n get back in bed with me."

You giggled and hastily swiped away a tear that fell before scrambling back into bed, allowing him to tug the comforter over you as you wrapped your arms around his middle. He cupped your jaw and scanned your face once more before pressing a tender kiss to your lips, so soft and sweet that it stole your breath.

"Maybe I'll just end up being sick tomorrow morning," you murmured against his mouth, dragging your lips down his throat and nipping playfully at his Adam's apple. He rolled on top of you, holding himself up on his elbows. He closed his eyes and sighed, reveling in the feel of your skin pressed against his.

"Yeah, that -" he paused and gasped when you wrapped your legs tightly around his waist, grinding into him as your kisses on his neck grew feverish. "That sounds 'bout right."

-

You awoke with a start, eyes flashing wide open as you stared at the white ceiling, replaying the dream over and over in your mind. Was it a dream? Or was it real? It felt real. You were getting better at distinguishing between the two now.

Rolling your head to the side, you smiled when you saw Joel sleeping so peacefully beside you. His lips were parted and he was snoring softly, looking perfectly content. You almost didn't want to wake him, but you knew it would be worth it.

"Joel," you whispered, pulling the sheet against your neck. You rolled onto your side and ran your palm across the sharp planes of his chest. He mumbled in his sleep and his hand slowly came up to engulf yours, his fingers big and thick and calloused compared to your own. You repeated his name a little louder this time and he finally cracked one eye open.

"Mornin'," he said, voice gravelly and thick with sleep. Every time you heard it, it made your lower abdomen pull and a familiar warmth spread between your thighs.

"I had a dream," you told him, excitement bubbling up as you bit down on your lower lip. His eyes opened wider and suddenly he looked much more alert.

"A dream or a memory?"

"Memory, I think."

He grinned and sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "What was it?"

You stretched, a slow smile spreading across your face as you looked up at him. "I think it was when we first said I love you."

He grinned and scratched his chin. "That's a good one."

"I was getting ready to go back home because I had patrol in the morning," you began, and he nodded along. "You told me you wanted me to move in because you loved me. You said it so casually, like it was obvious or something."

"Thought it was obvious," he chuckled.

"It felt like I already knew but I was still surprised to hear you say it."

He gazed down at you warmly. "Then you said it back."

"Yeah," you whispered, threading your fingers with his. "I said it back."

"That was a good day," he told you before leaning forward, gently brushing your lips together.

"So it was real?"

"Yeah," he whispered, then slowly slanted his mouth against yours, his lips leisurely massaging your lips like he had all the time in the world. You took a deep breath and wrapped your arms around his neck, holding him close.

It had been a while since you had a memory come back, but it felt like each time it happened, no matter how big or small, it felt clearer.

"Do you think this means I'll remember everything one day?" you couldn't help but ask as he settled between your legs, his mouth dragging down your chin.

"Don't know, baby," he admitted, his focus clearly shifting towards something else as his hands began to push up the material of your sleep shirt.

Your heart fluttered in your chest as you anxiously chewed the inside of your cheek. "If I don't, that would be okay, right?" you asked, your voice coming out so timid and small that it made him stop in his tracks. He pushed himself up onto his forearms so he could look you in the eye.

"'Course it would."

You nodded and felt a sliver of relief, but he could tell you still held some doubt.

"Hey," he said gently, "it don't matter if you remember everythin'. 'Cause we'll make new memories together, alright?"

You smiled and he watched you visibly relax, your shoulders dropping back and your brow smoothing out. "Yeah."

He grinned and pecked your lips before picking up where he left off on the crook of your neck.

"Good. 'Cause I wanna make a new memory right now."

[steddiehyperfixation]

don't you forget about me (part two)

(part one)

Steve doesn’t know how long they sit there in silence, waiting. It’s making him insane. The seconds pass too slow; the seconds pass too fast. His mind is a storm; his mind is empty. He’s feeling too much; he’s not feeling at all. He paces the room; he sits catatonically against a wall. He needs to get out of here; he needs to stay. 

He’s been here before, just barely over a week ago, tense and anxious and despairing and waiting for news. But waiting to hear if Eddie will ever remember him again really should not feel this much worse than waiting to hear if Eddie will ever fucking breathe again. Steve thinks there must be something wrong with him. He’s being selfish and stupid. His pathological fucking need to be loved is not what’s important right now. Eddie is alive and awake and okay and that’s the only thing that really matters. That’s the only thing he should really care about.

Steve’s pacing again now, yanking his hands through his hair as he does laps around the room until Eddie finally appears in the doorway. 

Eddie must’ve just cracked a joke or something because the nurse is laughing as she pushes his bed into the room and he’s got this adorable grin on his face. Steve’s heart twists in his chest and he nearly bursts into tears all over again because god does he want nothing more than to press a kiss to those dimpled cheeks. 

“Good news, boys,” Eddie announces. “My brain is fully intact.”

“There’s no physical permanent damage to his brain,” the nurse elaborates. “His amnesia is likely a result of psychological trauma and the temporary disruption of brain function from blood loss and lack of oxygen that occurred at the time of his injury. But there is no obvious reason why he shouldn’t regain his full memory, given time.” 

So there’s hope. Steve breathes a sigh of relief. 

“That is good news,” Wayne agrees. 

Steve asks, “How much time?” 

The nurse gives an unhelpful shrug. “Impossible to say. It could be anywhere from days to months, or even years. I’m sorry, there’s no way for us to know.” 

Years. “Okay.” Steve pinches the bridge of his nose. He can keep it together. He can. “Thanks,” he tells the nurse. “I, uh-” He makes the mistake of looking at Eddie who looks right through him, and Steve can’t keep it together anymore actually. “I gotta update the kids,” he mutters, backing his way towards the door. Wayne nods in acknowledgment; no protests this time at Steve’s excuse to leave.

“See ya, Harrington,” Eddie calls after him, casual, impersonal, like they're nothing more than acquaintances passing by each other in a high school hallway.  

Steve can’t get out of that hospital fast enough. 

He makes it to his car in record time, slamming the door shut and sinking heavily into the driver’s seat. A ragged sob tries to claw its way up his throat now that he’s finally alone, but he forces it back, staving off his breakdown for just a little bit longer. As much as it was an excuse, he really does have to update the kids. 

Steve fishes his walkie out of the glove box. “Code - whatever, I don’t know. Code Eddie,” he says. He doesn’t remember the kids’ system of codes, nor would he be sure which one this news falls under even if he did. 

“Is he okay? Is he awake?” comes an immediate, eager response from Dustin. “Over.” 

“Yeah, he’s awake, and he’s fine, except he’s got pretty bad amnesia. The doctors say it should be temporary, but right now he doesn’t remember anything since May of ‘85,” Steve explains, trying his best to keep his voice even.

“Steve, come pick me up and take me to see him,” Dustin demands, “right now. Over.” 

“Me too. Over,” Mike chimes in before Steve can respond. 

“And us,” Erica adds as well. 

Steve pauses for a second, both to steady his own breath and to make sure no one else wants to jump in on this too, before he reminds them, “He won’t know you, any of you.” 

“I don’t care,” Dustin says, bossy as ever. “Just come get me. Over.” 

“Jesus Christ, kid,” Steve mutters to himself. He sucks in another breath; it wobbles dangerously. He’s just about reached his limit on how long he can keep himself from falling apart. “I- I need a minute, alright?” he manages through the walkie. “Can you just give me, like, an hour? And then I’ll take you guys to visit Eddie.” 

Steve doesn’t wait for a response before he slams the antenna closed, tosses the walkie aside, and finally, finally lets himself shatter. That sob rips free from his throat, followed by another and another and another. Tears flood from his eyes; his nose runs. It’s an ugly, gross, visceral cry that leaves him exhausted and raw and aching to be held by the time the last sob shudders out of him. Drained and hollow, he craves the embrace of someone who knows him, someone who loves him. 

He sweeps up his broken pieces, wipes the mess of tears and snot off his face, and drives to Robin’s house.

“Steve, oh my god.” Robin pulls him into a hug the second she opens the door and sees the look on his face. Steve clings to her. “What happened?” 

“Eddie’s awake,” he mutters dismally. 

“Oh! Not the tone I’d expect you to deliver that news in, but okay.” Robin pulls back, looking at him with narrow-eyed concern and confusion as she analyzes his puffy eyes and red nose and swollen lips. “And you look like you’ve just been crying because…?”

“Because he doesn’t remember me, Rob,” Steve sighs. “He doesn’t remember anything from the past 11 months.” 

Robin’s eyes go wide now. “Shit,” she says, so plainly it startles a short laugh out of Steve. 

“Yeah,” he agrees. “Shit.” 

She asks him more questions as she walks down the hallway so they can talk in her room. Steve once again reiterates what was said at the hospital. 

“So you didn’t tell him you two were a thing?” Robin asks, closing her door behind them. 

“Of course I didn’t.” Steve flops back onto her bed. “I didn’t want to spook him.” 

She sits beside him. “You didn’t want to spook him,” she repeats, looking down at him with raised eyebrows, “but you told him about Vecna.” 

“Well, yeah. I just-” He lifts his arms to gesture vaguely into the air as he tries to explain himself. “I mean, imagine how you would feel if you woke up in a hospital and some random guy you’ve spoken to maybe twice was by your bedside telling you you’ve been in a relationship with him for the past 9 months.” 

“Uh, I don’t know, dingus, probably about the same as I’d feel if said guy told me I’d nearly died fighting some evil twisted creature from a hell dimension,” Robin retorts.

Steve drops his hands onto his chest with a huff, shaking his head. “No, trust me. He seemed far less surprised by that than he did to hear that we were even just friends,” he says, a bit bitterly. Tears are pricking at his eyes again as he looks up at his best friend. “You didn’t see the way he looked at me, Robin. All he saw was King Steve.”

Robin softens, snark replaced with sympathy. “That sucks, Steve. I’m so sorry.” 

Steve sighs in agreement that yes this really fucking sucks. He sits up and scoots back so that he’s slumped against the wall, hitting the back of his head against it. “I think I’m a horrible person,” he admits, just venting now, “because of course I’m glad Eddie’s alive and all I really want is for him to be okay, and I know the nurse said he should remember eventually, but there’s still some sick part of me that thinks maybe it would’ve hurt less if he had just died.”

“I don’t think that makes you a horrible person,” Robin assures him as she settles next to him, shoulder to shoulder. “I think you’re just grieving, and grief is weird sometimes.”

“It was one of the worst things I’ve ever felt,” he mutters, “when he looked at me without recognition. To see it on his face, just the- the absence of everything that we’d built. I’ve never felt so- so- I don’t know, it was like I couldn’t breathe. He just- he doesn’t know that I love him. He…he doesn’t know that he loved me...” 

Because that’s what it is, isn’t it? It’s not that he’s lost someone that he loves, it’s that he’s lost someone who loves him. Because Eddie’s not gone, just his love for Steve is, and that’s what’s tearing him apart. It’s the fact that there’s one less person in the world who loves him. It’s the fact that Steve’s got this big gaping hole inside of him that’s always made him so desperate to be loved, liked, wanted, needed; and his biggest fucking fear is becoming obsolete. He could probably trace it back to his parents, the first to forget him, the first to stop loving him, but the fact remains that now Eddie has fulfilled that fear too. Now Eddie has carved that pit a little deeper, a little darker, validating the voice that whispers within it and tells Steve that he is forgettable, unlovable, so easy to abandon and erase. 

“Well, I love you,” Robin tells him, like she can read his mind (which, at this point, she probably can). She slides an arm around his shoulders, hugs him close. “And I’m not going anywhere.” 

Fragile as he is right now, Steve falls apart again in her arms, and she holds him together. Because she knows him, because she loves him.

It’s a quieter cry this time, soft and sniffly. Whereas the last one wracked through his body and left him fatigued, this one flows from him almost gently, and when his tears finally subside and he lifts his head from where it had been buried in his friend’s shoulder, Steve actually feels a little bit better, a little bit stronger. Which is good, because he’s gonna have to face Eddie again soon. 

“Thank you,” he says quietly as he pulls away from Robin, wiping at his eyes and glancing at the clock on her nightstand. It’s definitely been an hour by now, probably more. He stands. “I have to go, I promised the kids I’d take them to see Eddie.” 

“Then I’m coming too.” Robin stands with him. “For moral support.” 

Steve gives her a grateful smile. “I love you so fucking much, you know that?” 

“Yeah.” She grins at him. “I know.” 

~ 

The nurses have changed his bandages and upped his morphine, so Eddie’s considerably hazy now but at least he can raise his headrest and prop himself up a bit without nearly blacking out from pain. He’s boredly flicking through channels on the shitty TV in front of him, alone since Wayne had to leave for work, when Harrington returns followed by a very unexpected group consisting of Robin Buckley and four strange children. 

“Sorry,” Harrington announces their presence with an apologetic shrug, “I know you don’t know them anymore, but they insisted.” 

“Eddie!” a pudgy, curly-haired kid shouts before Eddie can even react, coming barrelling towards him and trying to hug him. 

“Ow!” Eddie yelps, pain flaring even through the extra morphine. “Fucking Christ, kid! Be careful!” 

The kid jumps back immediately, eyes wide. “Shit. Sorry.” 

“S’fine,” Eddie grumbles.

The kid looks at him expectantly for a moment before seeming to realize, “Oh, right, you don’t remember me. I’m Dustin.” 

“Ah, so you’re the guy I sacrificed myself for,” Eddie mutters, and Dustin looks a little sheepish. That means these must be ‘the kids’ Harrington had been talking about earlier. He surveys the group for a second. “Actually, I think we have met before,” he tells Dustin. “And you too.” He glances at a pale, dark-haired kid. The other two - a Black boy with a flat-top and a younger Black girl - look less familiar, though. “There was this, uh, open day thing at the high school for next year’s incoming freshmen; I talked to you about Hellfire.”

“Yeah!” Dustin’s whole face lights up, so bright and infectious it makes Eddie grin too. “Yeah, you did!” 

“So you guys joined the club, then?” 

This sparks a very animated conversation about D&D, the rest of the kids (Mike, Lucas, and Erica, as they soon reintroduce themselves) gathering around his bed now too to join in. It makes him feel a bit more like himself again, familiar, normal. Except, of course, for the fact that they’re not only talking about how they defeated Vecna in Eddie’s “totally epic” and “sadistic” campaign (adjectives courtesy of Dustin and Mike respectively), but also filling in more pieces of the story of how they defeated him in real life too. Still, it’s nice, fun. He totally understands how he could’ve gotten attached to these kids.

At some point, Eddie glances over to find Harrington hanging back and just watching them talk, fondly, wistfully. Robin whispers something to him and he sort of smiles, just a trace, and whispers something back. They seem close, intimate. Eddie wonders if they’re dating, and then he wonders why that thought makes him feel a bit sick. He waves them over. Harrington looks like he’s about to protest, but Robin gives him a Look and he allows her to grab his hand and drag him to join the crowd around Eddie’s bed. 

“So, what’s your deal, Buckley?” Eddie asks her. He doesn’t know her very well, they’ve only crossed paths a few times in the bandroom, but right now that makes her the most familiar person in the room to him. “Are you and Harrington a thing now? Is that how you’re involved in all this?” 

Robin wrinkles her nose and drops Harrington’s hand. “Ew, no. Definitely not.” 

“She’s my best friend,” Harrington says. 

Eddie snorts, doesn’t know why he finds that so comical. (He’s starting to get tired and it’s making him loopy. Or maybe it’s just the morphine.) “You've got a funny choice of friends nowadays, don’t you? Me and band geek Buckley and a bunch of nerdy freshmen.” He looks at Harrington with incredulous amusement. “Who would've thought, huh? Steve Harrington, collector of geeks and freaks.” 

Harrington doesn’t seem to find it as funny. He shrugs. “Yeah, well, it’s better than King Steve, collector of asshole bullies and shallow one-night stands.” 

“Yeah, ‘course it is,” Eddie agrees through another huff of laughter that breaks off into a yawn. “Didn’t mean it as a bad thing, Stevie. Was a compliment.” 

“Alright.” The barest hint of a smile flickers across Harrington’s face now, but then he’s looking away and corralling the kids and saying, “We should head out, let you get some rest.” 

And Eddie kind of wishes he’d stay.

(part three!)

taglist: @romanticdestruction @daydreamsandcrashingwaves @paintsplatteredandimperfect @hallucinatedjosten @mugloversonly @estrellami-1 @alongcomesaspider @thatonebadideapanda @tell-me-a-secret-a-nice-one @dragonmama76 @wxrmland @nuggies4life @sirsnacksalot @myguiltyartpleasure @marklee-blackmore @vinteraltus @sebastiansstanswhore @0happyeverafter0 @scarlet-malfoy (only tagged people who explicitly asked to be tagged; if you would like to be added or removed from this list please lmk!)

[random-thot-generator]

Reverse trope prompt: Fake amnesia

Full prompt list here by @out-of-jams

Soap x reader

Maybe? NSFW - Soap gets a wee bit handsy with reader, nothing sexually explicit, profanity, soap is a sneaky lil shit

dividers by: @saradika-graphics

"Where's me bonnie lass?"

"She's comin', lad," Price murmurs, giving Soap's shoulder a gentle pat. He squats down beside his wheelchair to peer into his sergeant's eyes. "Ya feelin' alright? Head hurtin' ya?"

Soap squints at his captain, suspicious. "Oi! Yer no' another one o' them doctors, are ye? Feckin' numpties willnae leave me alone."

Price sighs, shakes his head and stands. "No, lad. I'm— just visitin'."

Soap's face splits into a grin. "Oh. Well, tha's a'right, then. Dinnae mind visitors. Do ye ken tha' big bloke tha' wears a skelly mask? 'E comes t'visit meh, too." Soap leans in, voice dipping low. " Bit of an odd duck, tha' one. Tol' meh 'e was a ghost." His eyebrows arch high on his forehead. "An' the docs say I'm th'one wit' brain damage."

Price huffs a short laugh despite himself. "That's his callsign, lad. Do ya remember yours?"

"Callsign?" Soap repeats, looking confused.

"Never mind. 'S not important right now."

Soap nods, his eyes trailing back to the door. "'Ave ye seen the gas man about? Mehbeh he kens where me lass is."

"Gas man?" Price mutters, frowning, then understanding dawns. "Ah. Ya mean Gaz. He's uh— at work. Won't be around for a few days, I'm afraid."

"Oh. Tha's too bad. 'E's good at findin' m'lass fer meh." He raises a hand to scratch at the scar tissue on the side of his head. "Doan s'pose ye'd be willin' t'ave a look 'round fer 'er, would ye? Ah miss 'er." His blue eyes shine bright and luminous with hope.

Price nods, chuckling. "A'course, lad. I'll see if I can find her f'ya."

Price turns on the telly for him before he leaves, flipping it to a cartoon channel. Soap's loud guffaw follows him out into the hallway. Passing the nurses' station, he gives a nod to a couple of the nurses as he heads towards the cafeteria, where he last saw you. He breathes a sigh of relief when he spots you sitting with Ghost, a cup of tea in your hands.

You watch the captain's approach, taking in his expression, then grimace. His look is apologetic when he murmurs, "He's askin' f'ya, again, lass."

"Bloody hell," you mutter, squeezing your eyes shut as you pinch the bridge of your nose.

Ghost grunts, eyes narrowing. "Funny, tha'. Johnny can't remember any'a us, but he's got no problem remembering 'er?" He tilts his head. "Bit strange, innit?"

Price shrugs. "Hard t'say, with an injury like that. Docs say he might regain some of his memory, he might not. No way t'tell."

You sigh, turning your weary gaze on Ghost. "His memory of me isn't perfect, either, ya know? You remember how he used to give me hell all the time. Now he thinks I'm his bloody girlfriend, for Chrissakes! He told Gaz we were engaged yesterday. It's bloody mental."

Ghost hums but says no more.

Blowing out a tired breath, you push yourself up from your chair. "Guess I better get back up there before he comes looking for me again. Thought that head nurse was going to string those other poor nurses up by their heels when Johnny gave 'em the slip."

Price laughs lowly. "And in a wheelchair, no less. Made it all the way to the exit before they caught up with him."

Ghost grunts as he stands, shuffling away from the table to join you. "I'll go wiff ya. Johnny might behave himself better if I'm there."

You snort at that. "Yeah, right. Might as well restrain him, because he won't keep his hands to himself, I can promise ya that."

As soon as you enter Soap's room, he beams a huge smile, his arms up, grabby hands reaching for you. "There ye are! C'mere, bonnie. Gie us a hug."

You point at him, a stern expression on your face. "Promise you'll behave, first. No feeling me up this time."

He gazes up at you, looking like a whipped pup. "Ayre ye mad at me, bon? Did I do somethin' bad? Ah'm sorry."

His pitiful pout melts your resolve instantly. "I'm not mad at you, Johnny. Don't get upset. Everything's alright," you soothe, voice soft as you step close to smooth your hand over his shaggy mohawk.

Ghost doesn't miss the mischievous little flash in Soap's eyes before he grins and grabs you by the hips, pulling you into his lap. You yelp, trying to be careful of his head as you try to push his face from between your breasts. The man doesn't let up, wallowing you like a fussy toddler, his big hands holding you in place. You give another yelp when he gets hold of your ass cheek and squeezes.

"Oi, ya cheeky git," Ghost barks. "Yer bein' too rough!"

Soap cuts a sly glance his way before settling his chin on your chest, smiling sweetly up at you. "Ah dinnae hurt ye, did I, bon?"

You sigh, flustered, trying to be patient. "No, Johnny. You just— startled me." You puff out a breath, prying his hand off your ass.

Soap gives Ghost a smug little smirk, hugging you so tight, you squeak. "See, LT? Ah wasnae bein' too rough. Ah jus' startled 'er."

You lay a hand on his cheek to get his attention back, melting a little more at the open adoration in his gaze. "You should still be more careful, Johnny," you chide him gently. "You get excited and grab my bum too hard sometimes. You leave bruises."

He perks up at that. "Aye? Bruises, ye say? Can ye show me? Ah promise t'kiss 'em all better."

You can't help but laugh. "You're incorrigible, you know that?"

Soap nuzzles your chest and grins. "Aye, but ye love meh anyway, doan ye, bon?"

You only manage to escape when one of the nurses finally comes in to give Soap his medication and check his vitals. You scurry out the door, looking a right mess, disheveled and breathing heavy, mumbling something about getting some water.

Ghost stands by quietly as the nurse takes Johnny's vitals, eyeing him intently the whole time. Once she exits the room, Soap turns a guileless expression to his lieutenant. "Somethin' the matter, Mr. Ghost?"

Ghost huffs a laugh, shaking his head. "Give it up, Johnny. Ya fucked up, mate. She didn't catch it, but I did." He comes closer, leaning down to whisper at Soap's ear, "Or did ya jus' suddenly remember I'm yer LT?"

He chuckles lowly when Soap sucks in a sharp breath. He straightens back to his full height, looming over the now worried looking Scot.

"I'll keep m'mouth shut, so long as ya come clean wiff the captain. Poor sod's been worryin' 'imself sick over ya."

"A'right," Soap grumbles, bottom lip poking out.

You return moments later, a bottle of water in one hand, a pudding cup and spoon in the other.

"Look what I nicked for ya, Johnny. Butterscotch pudding. Your favorite."

He gives you a hangdog look. "Can we lay in bed while ye feed it t'meh? Ah'm feelin' a wee bit tired."

"Sure, love. Ghost, will ya help me get him in the bed?"

Ghost helps put him to bed without comment, but pins the sergeant with a knowing look while you're climbing into bed with him.

Soap slants a mischievous look up at his lieutenant, teeth flashing in a quick grin, and winks.

[rifari2037]

Did Zuko really love Mai???

I know Zuko and Mai were together in end of the series. I won't denying either that Mai loves Zuko. But still, this couple was poorly written and so forced.

Mai loves Zuko, but most of the time she didn't know how to comfort him. Zuko spent the time with her, but most of the time his mind wander off to something else. They only had a few scenes together in the entire show, and even then most of the time they were arguing.

Also, the storyline itself make me question about how Zuko really felt towards Mai. Did he really love Mai or is he just with her because of circumstances?

No hints in the entire season 1?

I understand that Zuko played villain role in season 1, he kept trying to capture the avatar so he could go home. His motivation was to regain his honour and his father's love.

Unfortunately, Mai was never one of his reasons to go home. In fact, Zuko never remembered her at all in the entire season 1. It seems like Katara's bending development made more impression on him than remembering Mai.

Zuko : I see you've learned a new trick, but I didn't come this far to lose to you.

Zuko : You little peasant. You've found a master, haven't you?

If the writers had plans to give Zuko a pairing, then a little hint is very important to build a story. Beside, although he was a villain, there was moment that show he wasn't completely evil. To showed that Zuko have feeling for someone back home wouldn't ruin his character.

Mai didn't need to appears in season 1, because her role was start in season 2. But there were plenty of ways to hint that Zuko had feeling for her.

Let's say, Zuko had memorable stuff that reminds him of her, or he had a glamps of his childhood memories with her, or a little conversation about her.

But, we didn't see any hint. At all!

Instead, Zuko picked up Katara's betrothal necklace, put it around her neck, and kept it on his wrist when he didn't have to!!

Like, c'mon!!!! What story did the writers actually want to build??

Still no hints in season 2?

Mai finally appeared in season 2, there was also a conversation between Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee about Zuko.

Mai : So, we're tracking down your brother and Uncle, huh? Ty Lee : [Turning to Mai.] It'll be interesting seeing Zuko again, [Teasing.] won't it, Mai? Mai looks away as a smile plays upon her face.

Mai's smile was a hint of what I was talking about earlier! It wasn't that obvious, but it showed that there was something between them.

Yet, Zuko still had no hint or conversation about her to show that he remembered her. It is only appeared on Mai's side, but not on Zuko's side.

Was she really important to him? Was there something between them, or was it just Mai?

Zuko memories in Zuko Alone

The only time Zuko remembered Mai was in Zuko Alone episode. But even that brief memories didn't really show that they had a special relationship.

In this memory, Mai blushed when she saw Zuko. Another hint that Mai had a crush on him.

But, Zuko didn't seem to care. Mai and Ty Lee weren't his friends, they were Azula's friends.

Azula asked Zuko to play together, but he didn't want to and refuse at first. He played with them, because their mom asked him to. Mai was there, but still Zuko's face didn't look happy.

Zuko helped Mai because he was surprised with what Azula doing, but it wasn't a hint that he had crush on her. There was no blush on his cheeks or shyness.

This scene wasn't about Zuko and Mai's relationship, but with his sister, his family. In fact, in this scene, there was no conversation between Zuko and Mai at all.

Zuko and Jin's date

I'm not a fan of Jinko, beside I don't see that Zuko had a crush on Jin. They were going on a date because Jin asked him first and Uncle Iroh answered her. During the date, Jin was the active one while Zuko was very passive.

Once again, if the writers really wanted to pair Zuko with Mai, wouldn't it make more sense if there was a little conversation, maybe like...

Zuko: What do you mean, Uncle? You know I have someone - remember Mai. Iroh : You have to start a new life and move on from the past.

With this kind of conversation, we could assume that Mai was the reason Zuko left Jin during their date. But that wasn't the story.

Since there were no hints about Zuko's feelings for Mai, I could only assume that Zuko left Jin because he didn't want to get too far into enjoying his life in Ba Sing Se. Zuko hated Ba Sing Se.

Iroh : I just want our place to look nice, in case someone brings home a lady friend! [He gives Zuko a nudge with the elbow.] Zuko : [Bleakly.] This city is a prison. I don't want to make a life here.

It's funny because, didn't Uncle Iroh know Zuko very well? But he never thought that Mai was special to Zuko. He never asked or talked about her, even secretly hoping for Zuko to date another lady.

So, was Mai special to Zuko? There was no proof for that.

There were no interactions until the end of season 2?

Until the end of season 2, Mai and Zuko didn't interact at all, even though they were in the same city, in the same palace.

Even more ironic, Zuko build a connection with Katara instead. Not only that, the scenes with Katara were crucial to Zuko's arc and the storyline in the next season.

Did Zuko remember Mai at this time? Of course not!

They were suddenly dating????

This is the reason why Maiko was so forced. They didn't have enough hints and they didn't have interactions at all in season 1 and 2, then suddenly they were dating in the very beginning of season 3?? How???

At this point, I feel like Zuko was dating Mai just because, why not?? He was finally home, he got what he always wanted, why not get his woman too???

Did Zuko really love her? I highly doubt it.

I mean, he still remembered his conversation with Katara after his betrayal. Yet, in The Beach episode, he remembering his family instead of Mai right after they were break up (with moon as background). So sad!

Zuko didn't feel the need to save Mai

Zuko said to Sokka that he didn't want to drag Mai with him as a traitor to the Fire Nation. But when Mai saved him at Boiling Rock, when she betrayed the Fire Nation - especially Azula, Zuko didn't try to save her.

Though, Zuko knew Azula well and knew what could happen to Mai, he just watched her from afar and let Mai to face the consequences of her actions alone.

Meanwhile, Zuko gave up everything, his throne, his nation, and sacrificed his life for Katara.

I don't understand, who exactly did Zuko love?

Then Zutara antis said that he would saved anyone else? He didn't even saved his girlfriend!

Zuko tried so hard for Katara

Zuko broke up with Mai, locked her in prison, left her to face Azula on her own, but he tried very hard to fix his relationship with Katara. He cares about Katara more than he cares about his (ex-)girlfriend. That's crazy!

Zuko : [Closes eyes in resentment.] What can I do to make it up to you?

Sokka : So what's on your mind? Zuko : Your sister. She hates me! And I don't know why, but I do care what she thinks of me.

Katara : [Angrily.] You look terrible. Zuko : I waited out here all night.

Zuko didn't feel the need to get Mai out of prison

Not only Zuko didn't feel the need to save Mai, he also didn't feel the need to release her from prison even though he knew where she was and he was a new Fire Lord.

Her uncle was the who helped her escape the prison. It was so sad considering the person who was the reason she imprisoned didn't help her. He didn't have to waited all night for her forgiveness.

Zuko : Mai! You're okay! They let you out of prison? Mai : My uncle pulled some strings. And it doesn't hurt when the new Fire Lord is your boyfriend. Zuko : So does this mean you don't hate me anymore?

No, Mai. If I were you, I would really hurt and hate him so bad. You should realise that he didn't really love you.

This is the reason why Maiko was one of my least favourite ATLA ship. Because, Mai was there or not wouldn't affect Zuko's arc in the slightest. She didn't really matter to him.

I can't ship them just because they kiss a few times, while their story is poorly written and so forced.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Dumbledore's Manipulations: Part 6(?)

I just reread the scene in Deathly Hallows of Dumbledore and Snape on Snape's memories after Lily died, and that entire scene reminded me of the scene at the end of book 5. After Sirius died and Harry was having his breakdown.

Snape breaking down in front of Dumbledore after Lily dies:

“Her son lives. He has her eyes, precisely her eyes. You remember the shape and color of Lily Evans’s eyes, I am sure?” “DON’T!” bellowed Snape. “Gone. . . dead. . . ” “Is this remorse, Severus?” “I wish. . . I wish I were dead. . . ” “And what use would that be to anyone?” said Dumbledore coldly. “If you loved Lily Evans, if you truly loved her, then your way forward is clear.” Snape seemed to peer through a haze of pain, and Dumbledore’s words appeared to take a long time to reach him. “What—what do you mean?” “You know how and why she died. Make sure it was not in vain. Help me protect Lily’s son.” “He does not need protection. The Dark Lord has gone—” “The Dark Lord will return, and Harry Potter will be in terrible danger when he does.” There was a long pause, and slowly Snape regained control of himself, mastered his own breathing. At last, he said, “Very well. Very well. But never—never tell, Dumbledore! This must be between us! Swear it! I cannot bear. . . especially Potter’s son. . . I want your word!” “My word, Severus, that I shall never reveal the best of you?” Dumbledore sighed, looking down into Snape’s ferocious, anguished face. “If you insist. . . ”

(DH, 573)

Harry breaking down in front of Dumbledore after Sirius dies:

“There is no shame in what you are feeling, Harry,” said Dumbledore’s voice. “On the contrary . . . the fact that you can feel pain like this is your greatest strength.” Harry felt the white-hot anger lick his insides, blazing in the terrible emptiness, filling him with the desire to hurt Dumbledore for his calmness and his empty words. “My greatest strength, is it?” said Harry, his voice shaking as he stared out at the Quidditch stadium, no longer seeing it. “You haven’t got a clue. . . . You don’t know . . .” “What don’t I know?” asked Dumbledore calmly. It was too much. Harry turned around, shaking with rage. “I don’t want to talk about how I feel, all right?” “Harry, suffering like this proves you are still a man! This pain is part of being human —” “THEN — I — DON’T — WANT — TO — BE — HUMAN!” [...] “Let me out,” Harry said yet again, in a voice that was cold and almost as calm as Dumbledore’s. “Not until I have had my say,” said Dumbledore. [...] “It meant,” said Dumbledore, “that the person who has the only chance of conquering Lord Voldemort for good was born at the end of July, nearly sixteen years ago. This boy would be born to parents who had already defied Voldemort three times.” Harry felt as though something was closing in upon him. His breathing seemed difficult again. “It means — me?” [...] “I am afraid,” said Dumbledore slowly, looking as though every word cost him a great effort, “that there is no doubt that it is you.”

(OotP, 823)

I just, found these two scenes awfully similar in tone when reading the one in Deathly Hallows last night.

In both Snape/Harry are in emotional turmoil after the most important person to them dies. Both feel like dying (Snape: "I wish I were dead", Hary: "then I don't want to be human"). Both shout at Dumbledore when he speaks all too calmly of things they don't want/need to hear at that moment.

And Dumbledore speaks calmly and coldly to both of them, revealing information he hid from them both (to Snape he tells about Voldemort's immortality, to Harry he tells about the Prophecy) before guilting them through their grief into what he needs them to do.

Now, I'm not exactly blaming him, because, from his position, he needs Snape as a spy and he needs Harry to be willing to do anything to kill Voldemort — to take Voldemort as his responsibility. Dumbledore needs these things to happen to have the best chance of completing his plan to defeat Voldemort.

I just, can't help but note how cold it is. How cold and manipulative Dumbledore can be when he feels he needs to be. Even as he explains his care for Harry as a flaw in his plan, he speaks calmly and simply. And he is right caring about Harry is a flaw, because he always planned for Harry to die. He knew since he saw the scar on Harry's forehead:

“I guessed, fifteen years ago,” said Dumbledore, “when I saw the scar upon your forehead, what it might mean. I guessed that it might be the sign of a connection forged between you and Voldemort.”

(OotP, 826)

And even if I think Dumbledore is honest in that he'd rather Harry wouldn't die, I don't think he cares for him as much as he says he does. In the same way, he's very cold towards Snape even years later when he tells him Harry must die. (I don't think Snape and Dumbledore are actually friends)

Idk, I just read the scene in DH with Snape and it really reminded me of the scene with Harry at the end of OotP.

[maomaopilled]

"I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for the truth." -> a tgaa and asoryuu analysis rambling

so um hi. i have never posted on here before but i finished tgaa recently and im consumed by terrible brainrot. i have sooo many thoughts about it that i can barely process them all. then i remembered i have free will and a tumblr account so here we are.

anyways i can't stop rotating that one quote around in my mind. the one from ryunosuke in case 2-5, "I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for the truth." i have so much to say about these lines i just find them so interesting and i needed to properly write out all my thoughts.

massive huge tgaa 2 spoilers below you have been warned !!!

ive seen ppl interpreting this as some kind of angsty asoryuu thing which i don't really agree with personally (and i will explain why). the other interpretation i've seen is that it shows ryunosuke's growth because he originally wanted to be a defense lawyer to honour kazuma but now it's the path he's chosen for himself.

i do agree with and like that second interpretation... but i think it's also more than that. mainly because if it was just concerning ryunosuke's growth, it could have been an internal thought. it's important that he said it out loud and it's important for kazuma to have heard him say those words. i really think it perfectly captures the asoryuu dynamic in this trial.

firstly, i think it's obvious that ryu REALLY cares about kazuma and wants to help him. he even says he came to face him through everything as a lawyer and a friend.

and just before he says The Lines that we're analysing here, he acknowledges that kazuma has been waiting his whole life for this moment and tries to think of any way to find the truth. which shows he understands how hard this is for kazuma and wants to do whatever he can.

so ryu is definitely motivated by a desire to help kazuma, that's without a doubt. so then why does he say, "i'm not doing this for you. i'm doing it for the truth" to kazuma ???

in this moment they are facing each other in the court room as defense and prosecution. in this setting, there is nothing more important than the truth. which means being motivated by a desire to find the truth is on a much higher level than any other motivation, including helping your friend. ryu knows that the truth might be painful for kazuma, but he knows that it's important to uncover it nevertheless. and he knows that this is so much bigger than kazuma and it's important to find the truth for all of the people caught up in this terrible secret.

it would almost be a disservice to kazuma if ryu said that he was doing it for him. because kazuma is important to him... but what is more important is that ryu would do the same in any situation and in any trial. no matter who was involved whether they were people close to him or not, he would always pursue the truth above all else. kazuma saw that for himself in case 2-3 (even though he hadn't regained his memories yet) he saw how ryu never stopped chasing after the truth. that's what gives ryu such integrity as a defense lawyer and that's why kazuma can put his trust in him.

this is their exchange before ryu says "im not doing this for you. im doing it for the truth"

you can see how emotional kazuma is and pleading with ryu that the trial can't end yet. this is an emotional trial for kazuma and it's clear that his emotions are clouding his judgement. when ryu says "im not doing this for you" he is saying that he isn't letting his personal feelings for kazuma cloud his perception of the truth. it's like he's giving kazuma a reminder so he doesn't stray too far off track. i would also say that maybe kazuma was aware that he might not be able to keep his cool during the trial and part of the reason he wanted ryu to be there is because he trusted him to keep him on track.

it's like ryunosuke is saying to kazuma "you can trust me. i know this is difficult and emotional for you but i will be a steady force that remains objective and steadfast, never faltering, and always keeping you tethered"

for kazuma this is the culmination of years of grief and rage and sorrow and confusion. he's like a ship out on a stormy sea and by staying calm throughout the trial and relentlessly pursuing the truth ryunosuke acts like an anchor for kazuma.

this does lead them to the truth in the end but it wouldn't have been possible without kazuma and ryunosuke putting their trust in each other. kazuma wanted ryu to be the defense, trusting that he could see this trial through to the end and uncover the truth no matter what. kazuma has been doing it all on his own for so long that trusting ryunosuke like this is a really big deal.

"I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for the truth."

by never wavering from pursuit of the truth above anything else and remaining objective, ryunosuke proves that he is worthy of kazuma's trust. and if kazuma can trust him, that means he doesn't have to do this on his own anymore. which is the most special gift that ryunosuke could possibly give him.

[velvet4510]

When ghost Agatha says “unlike your mother—“ and then corrects herself “Wanda,” Billy almost immediately snaps “you’re making fun of me!”

I think this is important. At this point he’s not in the same mental state as he was back when he claimed that Wanda was not his mom. By now he’s at the very least regained his memories of his last moments in the Hex - including the moment where Wanda thanked him for choosing her to be his mom.

So now he definitely remembers hearing that from Wanda, and I think it’s thrown him for a loop. Now it’s not as simple as Rebecca being his only mother and that’s that, since that’s all he knows. Now he has actual memories of two different mothers. He has memories of Wanda, telling him something just as loving and tender as all the things Rebecca has told him for the last 3 years. Saying that at one point in time, he chose her.

If he really was unfazed by that, then he’d be glad that Agatha corrected herself and honored what he said earlier about Wanda. He’d have no reason to snap at her.

But the fact that he does shows that his feelings toward Wanda have definitely changed and he’s taken a big step forward in his journey to reconciling his identities and understanding that he truly does have two mothers.

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

The Beast Wants to Tempt the Little Rabbit (Matias vs Clavis)

Translations may not always capture the exact nuances or tone of the original text. Expect grammatical errors and inaccuracies. Not proofread.

Part 2

Clavis: "This is rather unsatisfactory."

(!?)

Matias: "Is it? This is the first time I've been welcomed this warmly."

Clavis: "Haha, you should aim higher. After all, you should be welcomed by all the citizens."

Clavis: "But unfortunately, I've noticed some of them not paying attention. Therefore..."

Emma: "It's almost lunchtime!"

I grabbed Clavis' hand as he was about to put it inside his coat.

(I'm pretty sure he's going to come up with some kind of outrageous trap.)

Emma: "Prince Matias, are you hungry?"

Matias: "Now that you mention it, I do feel a bit hungry."

Emma: "In that case, let's have lunch!"

Emma: "Prince Clavis, your guest has a request. As your tour guide, I suggest we eat."

Clavis: "Hmm, you really know how to handle me."

(That's because I've made every mistake imaginable back when I was Belle.)

Clavis grasped my hand lightly with a pleased expression, his golden eyes gleaming seductively.

Clavis: "I've already made arrangements for lunch. Let's head there."

Emma: "Thank you, but what's with this hand?"

Clavis: "I'm just responding to your passion. You want to hold my hand, right?"

Emma: "I never said anything like that!"

Clavis: "Come on, don't be shy. Let's hold hands."

Emma: "I don't want to. Hey, your grip is too strong!"

Matias: "Are you two...?"

Emma: "No, absolutely not!"

Clavis: "Matias, stop asking such a bold question. You're making Emma embarrassed."

(This guy is trying to get back at me.)

Clavis gently held my hand and started walking, leaving me feeling embarrassed under the sympathetic gazes of the people around us.

(I tried to regain my composure and think about lunch, and yet...)

Clavis: "Now then, I will treat you to my homemade cooking."

Emma: "Why? Just why?"

I almost collapsed to my knees.

The place Clavis chose was one of the most famous restaurants in Rhodolite.

I thought that for entertaining a distinguished guest like Matias, he would have prepared dishes made by top-notch chefs, but for some reason, he declared that we were going to the kitchen.

Matias: "Miss Emma, you look pale. Are you alright?"

Emma: "Yes, I apologize for causing concern."

Emma: "I just remembered a lot of intense memories from the past."

(I've had Clavis' homemade cooking a few times before that's why I can say this with confidence: his homemade dishes are too unconventional to be served to a distinguished guest.)

(If by any chance someone got food poisoning and it turned into an international incident, then...)

For the royals, poison was the most important thing to take into consideration when it came to food.

(If I were to give up now, there would be no one to protect Matias.)

Clavis: "You should rest. When you're able to eat..."

Emma: "Prince Clavis, there's a dish that I really want Prince Matias to try."

Emma: "It's a classic Rhodolite home-cooked dish, but I thought there might not be another chance like this, so please, let me cook this time!"

When I said this in one breath, the two men widened their eyes, perhaps taken aback by the momentum of my words.

(My cooking isn't something that should be served to state guests, either, but I think it's better than risking an international incident with Clavis' unconventional cooking. Or at least, I want to believe so.)

Matias: "Home-cooked dish..."

(Hmm?)

Matias: "Clavis, I'm also interested in her cooking."

Again, I thought I heard him mutter something, but Matias' serious expression didn't change.

(I can't believe he's so interested.) 

Clavis: "I see. Come to think of it, you've always had a fascination with home cooking."

Clavis: "Very well. Emma, I appoint you as our tour guide and personal chef."

Emma: "Thank you! I'm honored!"

(Thank goodness, I managed to avert the worst-case scenario.)

Clavis: "I thought something like this might happen, so I actually had an apron prepared for you."

Clavis pulled out a white apron from the cupboard.

When he unfolded it, I noticed it had a bunch of frills.

Matias: "A frilly white apron, huh?"

(What's with the occasional sigh-like voice I've been hearing?)

Even when I glanced at Matias, his expression remained unchanged.

(Well, whatever. I have a feeling I shouldn't pry.)

Gathering my courage, I put on the apron I received.

I pushed aside the suspicious ingredients on the counter and picked up only the safe ones.

Matias & Clavis: ".........."

Matias & Clavis: ".........."

Emma: "Since this will take some time, would you two like to chat elsewhere?"

Matias: "No, if there's something I can help with, I'd like to assist. I'll stay here."

Clavis: "It'll be lonely here by yourself, so we'll stay and keep you company."

(It's awkward and nerve-wracking!)

Still, I couldn't exactly chase them out, so I worked while receiving their intense gaze.

Clavis: "By the way, was your queen also good at cooking?"

Matias: "Yeah, it all begins with watching my queen in the kitchen every morning."

Matias: "Cooking together, tasting each other's dishes to understand the flavors, and laughing together after waking up."

(So Matias is already married. He looks so in love, it makes me smile.)

Matias: "But you know, even if she's bad at cooking, it's still fine."

Matias: "It makes it more worthwhile to cook together, and it'd be nice for me to cook for her and serve her as well."

Clavis: "Isn't there a royal chef at Acroite?"

Matias: "Of course there is, but the idea of homemade cooking is just romantic."

Clavis: "Haha, you're really saying that?"

Clavis: "I'm relieved to see that you still have the same perverted qualities you had as a student, even more so than me and Jin."

Matias: “I'm not a pervert. I'm just a regular guy who is devoted to his ideals."

(What's that supposed to mean?)

Their conversation was so outlandish that I couldn't help but stop.

Emma: "Prince Matias, you're married, right?"

Matias: "No, not yet."

Emma: "But a queen?"

Matias: "I'm talking about my future queen."

Emma: "Ah..."

(I see.)

(I've always wondered why such a kind-hearted person would be friends with Clavis, but maybe it's because they both walk their own paths and understand each other.)

Realizing this, I resumed cooking as if nothing had happened.

Matias: "Miss Emma, you're an undeniable genius."

Clavis: "Right? She really is a genius."

(Though it's not much of a dish, being praised like this makes me feel a little embarrassed.)

The main course was a simple beef and vegetable stew cooked in cream, accompanied by mashed potatoes with butter. 

I also prepared a soup and salad consisting of tomatoes, and edible roses.

For dessert, I made simple madeleines.

It might seem lacking compared to the dishes the princes usually eat, but both Matias and Clavis were eating so happily that it made me feel happy.

Matias: "Rhodolite is a wonderful country. To be able to enjoy such gourmet food as home cooking is amazing."

Clavis: "Right? We should praise Emma even more."

Emma: "You've already praised me more than enough!"

Emma: "Anyway, Prince Matias, why did you come to Rhodolite?"

Feeling embarrassed, I quickly changed the subject, and Matias placed his cutlery on the table.

Matias: "I was invited as a legal advisor."

Emma: "Legal advisor?"

Matias: "Acroite is known as the country of snow and law, and I'm called the guardian of law."

Matias: "I'm well-versed in the laws of not only my own country but also those of the major nations, including Rhodolite."

(That's amazing.)

Matias: "I've heard that several new laws are being considered in Rhodolite this time."

Matias: "However, these new laws have few precedents. Setting them up requires the establishment of various systems."

Matias: "That's why they invited me. They seek the expertise of a legal specialist."

Clavis: "Originally, Jin and I were already good friends with Matias, so when I sent him a letter, he responded warmly."

(Ah, so that's why Clavis is personally putting so much effort into welcoming him.)

This was not a story that is irrelevant to me, either.

The law is a set of rules that everyone living in Rhodolite must follow.

Emma: "If you've come for the sake of Rhodolite, then we must put even more effort into welcoming you."

(We have to do our best this afternoon.)

Matias: "No, quite the opposite."

Emma: "The opposite?"

Matias: "I should be thanking you."

Matias: "This falls under the Asbrink family's 23rd precept, which states that one must always repay kindness received."

Matias: "So, could I have some of your time this afternoon? I want to repay your cooking."

Emma: "Please don't worry about it. Your sentiment alone makes me happy."

Clavis: "The Lelouch family also has a similar motto."

Emma: "Yours is just nonsense."

Clavis: "Haha! What are you saying? It's not nonsense. I just decided on it now."

(See? Nonsense.)

Clavis: "So, I also want to repay you for your cooking."

Emma: "Your gratitude is more than enough!"

Matias: "Clavis, I brought it up first."

Clavis: "Unfortunately, Rhodolite doesn't have a 'first come, first served' law."

Clavis: "We can't let a guest like you repay your gratitude."

Clavis: "So, let me express my gratitude to Emma on your behalf."

Matias: "Fair enough. But then it loses its meaning. Shouldn't you respect the will of your guest?"

Clavis: "Hmm."

Clavis: "Emma, what do you think?"

Emma: "What do I think?"

Clavis: "Between me and Matias, whose gratitude would you like to accept?"

(Huh? Is this what this is about!?)

Part 1 ╎ Part 2 ╎ Matias End ╎ Epilogue

[somethingvicked]

Forget me (not) pt 3

warnings: female reader, talk of memory loss, angst to fluff

You stared at Eddie, your head pounding from the sudden overload of information that just broke through the wall that had been there.

You felt the overwhelming love you had for Eddie, had had for so long. But you also remembered what he had told you, how he had pushed you aside like you were nothing, for Chrissy.

You pulled back, as if he had burned you and Eddie looked at you in panic, like a deer in the headlights.

“Easy, sweetheart, easy…” he started and you suddenly saw red.

“Don’t call me that!” you snapped and he paled. “I’m not your sweetheart any longer, don’t you remember? Because I sure do.”

But at the same time… Eddie had been at your side practically all this time. Why had he? Wasn’t he scared what Chrissy would think?

No, of course he wasn’t. Because he wanted to stay friends with you, he just didn’t want you to have feelings for him. And then you forgot them, a small voice in your head said.

Well, it worked out quite well for him, didn’t it?

You rose to your feet and Eddie quickly did the same, still looking at you like you were some unstable lunatic with a ticking bomb.

“Thank you for bringing me here,” you said, your voice tense. “It clearly worked. And so I guess you better go back to Chrissy, since I now remember everything.”

“Wait, no, Y/N, it’s not like that…”

“I’m back to my old self now, Eddie,” you growled at him. “You don’t need to protect me anymore or do your duty as a friend.”

“Sweetheart, me and Chrissy broke up!”

That made you stop dead in your tracks and you turned around. “You did?”

“Yeah,” Eddie nodded, panting as if he was in pain. “About two weeks after… your accident. She didn’t like that I spent all my time with you…”

You hadn’t thought it was possible for you to be more angry at him, but lo and behold!

“Are you saying it’s my fault she dumped you, Munson?!” you screeched, grimacing as the loud sound made your headache worse.

“No!” Eddie all but squeaked, “I… I’m trying to say that… being at your side was all I wanted. What happened… it made me realize… how much you mean to me. And I know I was an idiot, an insensitive dolt, a goddamn jerk! I hate myself for treating you that way and making you feel like you were not the most important person in my life! Always had been.”

By now he was nearly sobbing, tears brimming in his eyes. “When I heard what had happened… you have no idea… I thought you had died. And the last conversation I had with you was that I wished  you forgot everything.”

“And I did,” you said, shaking your head, still angry with him, but his tears and broken puppy eyes had made it go down a little. The fucker, even when he didn’t try he knew how to play you like a fiddle.

“Yes, you did. You didn’t remember me. I know I deserved it. To have you looking at me like I was a stranger, not being allowed to tickle you or carry you on my back… you remembering everyone else, but not me. I deserved that. But Y/N… please believe me when I say that you are the most important person in my life. When you left that day I sat and contemplated who I would miss more if I would never see them again – you or Chrissy. And… me never seeing Chrissy again, it didn’t made that much of a difference. But the thought of being without you, it made me… I felt shattered. I was going to call you, but then they called me and told me what had happened.”

You rubbed your temples. All of this… it was too much for you to handle right now.

“I… I need to go home,” you got out. “Think about all this.”

“I’ll drive you,” Eddie said, but you shook your head. “I want to be alone.”

“I don’t care,” Eddie said with a frown. “I’m not letting you walk home after regaining your memories and had such a shock. What if something happens? No, get in the van. I’ll drive you. We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but you’re not walking.”

A part of you wanted to smile, both at his stubbornness and with how he cared for you. But the rest of you were still so shaky after everything that you just pushed it away.

A little while later you sat in your room, back at your desk with the photo album in front of you. Eddie had kept his promise and not talked to you the whole way home, even though he had glanced over at you at least one time every minute.

Despite having your memory back completely you felt more confused than ever.

Thankfully your mother had gone to the grocery store, thinking you were spending the day with Eddie, so you didn’t have to go through the roller coaster to tell her you were back to normal.

You weren’t sure what to do with Eddie. Remembering how he had treated you when he got together with Chrissy and his reaction when you told him how you felt about him… it made you feel heartbroken all over again but also angry.

And then… then you remembered how he had supported you and stood by you these last weeks, never quitting on you despite you not remembering anything about him, no matter how he had tried.

It felt like your head was about to explode. This was just too big and complicated for you to take on by yourself.

Usually you went to Eddie if you needed advice and talk something out but obviously that was a no go.

You didn’t want to talk to your mother either, it was enough you had to tell her your memory was back – your parents had been through hell, probably more so than you these last couple of weeks, you didn’t want to worry them even more.

After some time of contemplating you decided to call Steve. He was Eddie’s friend, he was your friend, and he knew the history between you two. He seemed like a good choice.

Steve didn’t dawdle, he arrived less than ten minutes after you hung up. The first thing he did when you opened the door was to give you a big hug.

“I’m so happy your memory is fully recovered,” he told you with a smile. “Although I still would’ve hoped you forgot about me being King Steve forever.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at that as you two walked up to your room.

You and Steve sat at the floor on your bedroom, backs leaned against your bed as you told him about the moment when you remembered everything, your reaction to Eddie, and how you felt so lost on what to do now.

Steve was quiet for a moment, running a hand through his hair, clearly deep in thought.

“You know I think what he did to you was really shitty. I seriously could have beaten him up for being so insensitive,” he told you, making you snort.

“But, he did tell me the same story – that even before you crashed into the tree he was imagining his life without you and without Chrissy. It was you that he almost broke down over losing. And this whole time… please forgive me for this, Y/N, but I actually told him that perhaps he should give you some space, do something else when the time went on and you didn’t remember a single thing about him. It was slowly draining him, he… he couldn’t fall asleep without looking at old pictures of you, crying.”

You were shocked. “Really?”

“Yeah. And – let me just say I didn’t exactly agree with that either – but he didn’t even look at Chrissy after your accident. Couldn’t stand to be near her. I think… I think he felt like it was his fault, what had happened to you, because he had been with her.”

“But I didn’t want him to do this because he felt guilty!” you protested.

“That’s what I said too, but he insisted that’s not why. And you know what? I believed him.”

Steve smiled at you and patted your shoulder. “Y/N, love is not easy. Everyone keeps saying it is but it’s really a fucking mess. When I was with Nancy I spray painted the sign of the cinema, calling her a slut. All because I thought she had cheated on me. The first girl I loved and I did that to her.”

You shook your head. You remembered that very clearly. It was before you and Steve became friends but you had still heard about it from the others.

“What I’m saying is… yes, Eddie was a goddamn idiot. But he realized he was and what he did wrong. And he has tried to make it right, and he will keep trying to make it right, if you let him. So… only you can decide whether you want to forgive Eddie or not, Y/N. But… perhaps you should try and do what he did. Try imagining the rest of your life without him. Does that feel like something you would be okay with?”

Your felt your breath hitch and your stomach turn into knots. A life without Eddie? It felt like… like suddenly the same feeling from your memory loss was back. Only now it wasn’t the past you missed but the future. It was only blank.

“No,” you whispered, your voice trembling.

“Then there’s your answer,” Steve told you softly.

Steve drove you to the trailer park and you walked up to the Munson’s trailer and knocked on the door.

Eddie opened, and you got the feeling of dejá vu from the last time you had come here. But Eddie sure looked different.

He looked as if he had cried, his hair a nest, as if he had ran his fingers through the curls multiple times, his knuckles bruised as if he had punched a wall.

“Y/N?” he wondered in surprise when he saw you.

“Hey,” you said, smiling weakly. “Look, Eddie…”

“Is this the moment where you… you’re going to tell me that you never want to see me again?” Eddie interrupted, his voice trembling, and it honestly broke your heart.

“No,” you told, reaching out a pushing a curl out of his face. “I… I’m still quite angry with you for what you did. But… it feels like this whole thing, what happened… it was some sort of lesson for both of us. A lesson for you to have me forget you. And a lesson for me, how it would feel to have no connection to you. The feeling, when I think back of how it felt, not knowing everything that has happened between us… it was horrible. I don’t want to be without you again, or ever forget you again. Not even the stupid thing you did, even though it makes me want to shake you.”

Eddie let out a gasp and then he all but squished you against him, holding you so hard you were sure you would have bruises.

“Oh, sweetheart…” he whispered, carefully kissing your temple. The bruises were healed but he remembered them all too vividly, kissing every spot where they had been.

“I’m so sorry for what I did. And for how I behaved when I started dating Chrissy. I just… I guess I got caught up with how it felt that someone popular actually wanted me. And in the back of my head I always thought you and I would have more time. I was an idiot, I know that. I will never make that mistake again.”

He inhaled before he continued: “And I’m so sorry that I never realized… that you loved me. I… I wished I had realized it sooner but I didn’t…”

You shushed him. “I know. That’s what I mean, that maybe the accident happening… it was a wake up call for both of us.”

Eddie nodded. “Yes. I’ve always loved you, sweetheart. But it’s more than that. You… you’re my person. The reason why it has never worked out with any other girl. Why I couldn’t see a future with Chrissy. Because you were the one.”

Now it was your turn to blink back tears.

Eddie suddenly pulled something from his pocket. Your eyes widened when you saw it was the dried flower from the scene of the accident.

“I found it in the van, on the passenger seat,” Eddie said. “I want you to have this and save it. As a reminder, that you will never forget me again. And as a promise from me, that I will never forget you’re the only one I want.”

You smiled, and placed the blue Forget-me-not behind your ear.

“The only one?”

“The only one,” Eddie promised, sealing it with a kiss.

please, like, comment and reblog!

Your likes are wonderful but reblogs expand my reading circle.

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[greentrickster]

For the Great God Airplane AU, this time I've been thinking a bit more about Airplane and Shen Jiu having another, proper meeting after Shang Qinghua's regained his divine memories. Because, while it was... nice to hear that open acceptance, that Shangdi was glad that Shen Jiu managed to become Ninth Road, that even his creator thought the fate he'd written for Shen Jiu was too harsh... the fact remains that he still wrote it. Still allowed it to happen.

(He came down from Heaven and incarnated to witness these long-destined events, and to save the world... but not early enough to save Shen Jiu.)

And that sort of thing leaves questions, especially after having had a bit over ten years to think on it (to stew on it (for, for all that they love him, his heavenly siblings openly love Airplane Shangdi best of all things, so he's never even considered speaking to them on this subject))). And the most important question is simply...

Why?

Why allow this to happen?

If you love this world and its people so much, if you wanted to save them from destruction, why let the events leading to it play out in such a way? Why try and change it as a man instead of an all-powerful god?

Why?

They're sitting in one of An Ding's gardens, near enough Shang Qinghua's leisure house to ensure privacy, but nowhere they ever encountered each other in Ninth Road's first life. Shang Qinghua had been getting a breath of fresh air before his newest Official chose this moment to pop up next to him again, as refined and skittish as a street cat still learning how to trust. And, as the one who created him, Qinghua knows exactly how close to truth that comparison is, and mentally rearranges his schedule to prioritize this discussion before doing his best to answer in a way someone who hasn't been there from the beginning will properly understand. In the end he pulls a book out of his sleeve, holding it in his hands.

"Okay, so, books have a lot of words in them, right? And when you're first writing the book, it's fairly easy to go back and check over what you've written, make changes, correct mistakes. But once- once it's published? And there are people out there reading it, buying their own copies? After that it's- I can edit my own copy as much as I want, and it'll be the most accurate version, because I'm the author, but I can't go and just... edit everyone else's copy as well, you know? Maybe if it was just one or two copies that I gave to friends, but not-not everyone's.

"And this- my story. About you and Luo Binge. 'The Grand Fate of the World,' if you want to use your heavenly siblings' term for it... Imagine that as a book. Not just one book, a whole series of books, a series that's millions of words long, and everything in this world has its own set of them. Like, look," he bends down and scoops up a handful of dust, letting it sift between his fingers to blow away in the breeze once he's upright again. "Every single particle of dust I just picked up? Had the equivalent of its own copy of that story inside it. And it's the same for every speck of dust, every drop of liquid, every sliver of bone, every breath of air, every tiny piece of anything that makes this world. And- and I couldn't go through and edit every single copy of those stories, not even as Shangdi, not without- ...not without taking the world apart into nothing again and completely remaking it.

"And by the time it all started to feel really real to me, more than just a chance to tell a story I'd wanted to write more than anything in my last life, but tell it right this time.... by the time I reached that point, it was- hundreds of years had passed, and- and the world was full of people, real, living people, and I had my Officials, and they were part of this world too, and- and they were all real and I couldn't just... erase them like they were words on a page, you're all full of stories, but you're not just words on a page, you're real people."

He says it with such quiet intensity that it's startling. Ninth Road is so used to seeing Shang Qinghua as slippery, untrustworthy, nervous, perhaps overworked, he's never seen him talk about something he's truly passionate about.

About something he truly cares about.

And it is obvious, in this instant, that Shang Qinghua, that Airplane Shangdi, truly cares about this world and its people. Cares about them more than he has words to properly express, even as a god or a writer.

"And I couldn't fix it as Shangdi," Shang Qinghua continues, oblivious to Ninth Road's musings, "I couldn't- I'm really powerful like that, but for something so big and delicate, it's either scrap the whole project and start over or get right down deep inside and try to fix things from there. And I just- what would be the point of making it all again, if I did just start over? It wouldn't be the same, and this world's kinda a hot mess in a lot of ways, but... that's part of why I like it so much! But I broke it, or set it up to get broken, so... I had to come down and fix it. But then I couldn't do it on my own, so... so I asked for help. And you answered. And Cucumber-bro answered. And... now we're here, and- and I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't- I should have done it better right from the beginning, I should have- fuck, thank-you. You saved my world. You saved everyone. You saved me. I'm so glad you're the one who answered when I asked, thank-you."

It's... sincere. Too sincere for one with a face as thin as Ninth Road's, and praise too high for the part he played. "It was Shen Qingqiu who did as you say, not this Official."

Shangdi fucking scoffs at this. "Cucumber-bro may have done the legwork, but he wouldn't have been able to do a damn thing if you hadn't answered my call. And I know you, Ninth Road, I know you didn't actually believe you'd actually get anything for doing what you got asked! Nothing can get done if there's no room to do anything, and you gave it all up to make room. And I'm god and I'm right, so just- just be polite and say 'you're welcome' for once, because I'm an obnoxious little shit and I won't stop thanking until you get that you genuinely did something worth being thanked for! So there!"

...

...there's not a lot you can really say to a rebuttal like that, other than the world's stiffest, most awkward, "You're welcome," to which he gets a big smile, another equally big "Thank-you!", and some free gossip on what stupid things Shang Qinghua's martial siblings have done recently.

It's... kind of nice.

Not nice enough for Ninth Road to feel inclined to inform Airplane that there are technically two Luo Binghes running around in this world now, but still... nice.

(And it's not like he needs to tell him, he'll figure it out for himself.)

(Eventually.)

[idkgummy]

I just realised I can just. talk a lot in this website without consequences so

tatsujun makes me SO normal. I'm literally sooooooooo normal about it. I feel normal when I think about them. it's just...... how did both of them feel. unlike lisa and eikichi, they both knew each other outside of their masked circle personas, so I'm sure that tatsuya KNEW about jun suddenly disappearing, being swallowed up by everything joker and nyarlathotep (he obviously didn't know about that but you understand). he was the most important person in tatsuya's life, maya says that they were always together and were the closest so. I imagine tatsuya, feeling trapped in his own house by his brother (not that katsuya is a bad brother at all, but. teenage angst, you know?), wishing that his friend from all those years ago could just be there with him. he needed someone who could get him and that person just disappeared like it was nothing.

and on the other hand there's jun. jun was bombarded with nyarlathotep's lies, telling him that tatsuya, his best friend, his other half, was the one who "killed" maya all those years ago. the betrayal, the feeling of not being able to trust no one..... he must have doubted every single thought that told him that tatsuya would never have done such a thing. he wanted to trust him, but he wasn't able to.

and then we get to IS and........ jun regaining his true memories and realizing that he had been living a lie all along. but tatsuya doesn't care. he just hugs him so so so tightly, not wanting to lose him again. how much time had it been since they last talked? doesn't matter. he just doesn't want to lose track of him ever again.

but he does. he's forced to lose all memories of the masked circle, but he refuses. however, the rest of them weren't able to bypass philemon's memory wipe...... he ends up in EP's Side and he's forced to live knowing that everyone he cared about not only FORGOT about him, but DIDN'T MEET HIM AT ALL. including jun. and, if he remembers, then it will be the end of the world again IT'S JUST THE DOOMEST YAOI????

and he keeps having feelings for him. because of course he does. and he gifts him the lighter...... the lighter jun once gave him all those years ago. the lighter he never gave him in that timeline, he returns it to him. and jun must keep on living, because he just HAS to, tatsuya can't let anyone else suffer from the consequences of his own actions. jun doesn't get it, of course, but there's some hidden part of his mind... that understands it. at least a bit.

so yea I'm normal

[sadistic-kiss]

🐺House of Alphas Chapter 54: Blank🐺

(Jujutsu Kaisen Omegaverse )

Summary: Waking up in a world that was not your own was problematic enough. Being the villainess was another. However, the possessive alphas might take the cake.

Disclaimer: Angsty but I ain’t Gege

Omega!Reader x Alpha!Sukuna x Alpha!Gojo x Alpha!Toji x Alpha!Nanami x Alpha!Getou

~

…

"Are you insane!?" Nanami threw up his hands as he paced back and forth.

You had a quiet walk to the inn. You felt like a child who knew wrath was coming for you once you were behind closed doors. When you got into Nanami's room boy did he go off. So much so your other alphas sat around quietly as the blonde paced a furious path.

You sat on the edge of the bed, Toji comfortable in one of the armchairs, Sukuna leaned against the wall. Getou was in the desk chair with Gojo on top of the table.

You were in the center. It felt like you were in the hot seat... well you were...You had disobeyed your alphas.

"What were you thinking?" Nanami paused, looking toward you with his fists planted on his hips, angry eyes glaring from over his glasses.

You took time to gulp, readjusting yourself on the bed, "I...was thinking-"

"Speak up."

You jolted at his harsh tone. You didn't enjoy being yelled at. Or disciplined, especially by Nanami. So already your voice was cracking and your eyes were starting to sting. You fluttered your wet lashes as you wiped under your eye, "I-I was thinking...th-that Yuta could help me... regain my memories...and save Junpei-nh!” at the end of your sentence you did let out a sob. Yet your tears seemed to be ineffective this time.

Your blonde flicked his fingers at Gojo who hopped up to give you a handkerchief but then he returned to his spot. You thanked him quietly while dabbing at your face.

Your throat tensed, you just wanted to say how sorry you were. But unfortunately, you can't go back on this. You can apologize all you want but you had to go down there. You had to save this Yuta character just like you saved Maki. These were canon events that were linked together. You didn't want to go down there either- truly you didn't…but with how the plot is plotting... this was a must. This wasn't just a simple side quest of give me ten wolf skins or a silly escort quest- these quests felt extremely important. Like you just opened up a whole world of important missions that will affect everyone's lives greatly.

For starters the witches are holding the shadow creatures in their home, protecting the gates. That means that they cannot be summoned out in the world. They can be trapped there until you are ready to go in blasting the holy light up their asses.

Already you have saved countless people's lives just by saving them.

This just felt like a start to a bigger picture. Your alphas just didn't understand how dire this was.

"Listen..." Nanami pushed up his glasses with a tense shove, "I know you've been in the omega home for some time and read books or what have you about things, but the Land of Ruins is no place for any creature let alone a pretty little bird like yourself."

"I know-"

"You don't."

"Or..." Sukuna drawled shifting to his other foot. "...She does know about what she's getting into. Just like she knew about the shadow spirits. How do you know so much? And don't tell me it's in the books because I know damn well there’s not a word about shadow curses anywhere.”

You opened your mouth and blinked left then right while shaking your head, "Well I-"

"I saw it." Toji pointed.

"That was an easy one." Sukuna smirked.

Oh what the fuck-

"More lies and tales?" Nanami crossed his arms tight, muscles bulging with tension.

You were in shock, now you didn't know what to do. Quickly you looked toward your silly alphas for some aid.

Getou shook his head, "Don't look over here, darling."

"Yeah, this is like the first time we aren't in trouble."

“Feels almost strange doesn't it Gojo?”

“You said it.”

Well, they were no help!

...

~

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