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trafalgar-law-wife · 3 years

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Squiddy and the Obey Me Brothers Relationships!

This is an Obey Me x Squiddy head-cannons. Squiddy is my Obey Me persona and this is her relationships with the brothers.

Lucifer

When Squiddy and Lucifer first met she was beyond terrified. I mean come on, bro is in his demon form pressing her out and threatening her life. If he asked her to jump, she'd ask how high.

When Lucifer first seemed to be warming up to her, she swore to Mammon that Lucifer was plotting her demise, and how him being nice to her was a ploy to make her drop her guard so she could slip up and he'd can punish her.

Honestly, it took a while for Squiddy to get close to Lucifer and let her guard down and truly trust him. Occasionally whenever the two hangout together for a drink, Squiddy will flirt with the oldest because she loves to see him flustered.

Mammon

Now with Mammon, Squiddy could relate to how his brothers were treating him, so she always made sure to be nice to him. After she helped him obtained his one true love, Goldie, Mammon asked why a weak human like Squiddy was being so nice to him, to which she responded, "Everyone deserves to be treated nicely, besides I bet you're a cool guy." And with that, Squiddy gained her first pact and oh so very clingy friend. she does not mind at all <3

Now just like Mammon, Squiddy has a bit of a money spending problem. She will happily go gambling with Mammon if that means she can spend more time AND buy her in game purchases, it's a win-win situation....until the both of them are running away from the casino after losing an all or nothing bet.

It goes without saying that these two got close real quick, often having sleepover's in her room, plotting how to make money by gaining pictures of Lucifer, going out together. Unlike Mammon though, Squiddy will not steal from the other brothers and is often stopping Mammon from doing so. But whenever it is just the two of them hanging out they just vibe, Squiddy casually flirts with Mammon, and the both of them telling each other things they'd never tell anyone else.

Leviathan

The moment Squiddy mentioned she liked anime and gaming, Leviathan thought he was living in one of his favorite anime's "This normie isn't totally a normie! She likes anime and gaming too! is she my soulmate?!?!?!" After explaining to him how this is not an anime, the two of them seem to hit it off. They both had even forgot about how he almost killed her a few days ago in a trivia quiz!

These two will spend hours in Leviathan's cosplaying, gaming, cosplaying WHILE gaming, binge anime, and binge anime while cosplaying. Half of the time while cosplaying they forget to lock the door, all of the brothers at some point has either seen the two of them half naked, in some questionable costumes, odd poses, the whole shebang.

Now Leviathan is in no way calm with Squiddy whenever she decides to just get dressed in cosplay in his room, he's a babbling mess. Looking away, sneaking small glances at her, gets flustered and goes on a rant about how much easier this would be if she just got dressed in her room, yet insists for her to get dressed in his room when doing the more...revealing cosplay's because he didn't want his brothers seeing Squiddy like that.

When it's just the two of them, Leviathan is a panicked mess whenever she sit near him, lay with him in his bed, or even share the same blanket. The both of them are competitive during games....doesn't mean Squiddy is good at competitive games, but a simple flirtatious comment is enough to keep Squiddy's win streak high against Leviathan.

Satan

Like Lucifer, Satan scared Squiddy, especially after finding out about his torture books. After being reassured for months that he'd never her, Squiddy began to slightly relax, until he got upset about her denying to make a pact with her. Now she was definitely avoiding him, always hiding behind Beelzebub or Leviathan whenever Satan entered the room. This amused Satan for awhile until he felt the urge to get closer to her.

Satan approaches Squiddy with a simple question "Do you like to read?" And Squiddy responded with "If manga and fan-fiction counts then definitely!" Satan has never heard of fan-fiction and demanded Squiddy explain to him what is was. She immediately pulls out her D.D.D and goes to an human world app called 'Wattpad' and proceeded to show Satan the safer options of what she reads. She explains to him what it is and he is utterly disappointed in what she had said. He laughs at her and proceeds to grab her wrist and take her to him room. All day Squiddy was held captive in Satan's room being forced to listen to him read fantasy and other fiction books. Simply because he though she might like them. he was not wrong

These two can be caught in the library reading whatever Satan picks out, because he plans to show Squiddy the wonders of "true literature"

Asmodeus

Squiddy feared of Asmodeus, not because he appeared intimidating, but because she didn't want him to figure out what type of things she's into. She's aware that his seduction doesn't work on her yet she still refuses to look him in the eye. Squiddy enjoys hanging out with him but hated how she became a flustered and stuttering mess around Asmodeus. The way he would caress her body, whisper compliments in her ears, it drove her crazy.

Squiddy didn't mind doing skin care routines with Asmodeus, she always told herself in the human world that she'd get into one and never stuck with it, so its nice to have a demon to constantly remind her about it. During these skin care routines Asmodeus is constantly flirting with Squiddy and it throws her in for a loop. Squiddy was never the one being hit on, she was the one hitting on her friends; her SHY friends. Asmodeus loves to see Squiddy hot and bothered but obviously wont do anything without her consent.

It took Asmodeus about a month to figure out what Squiddy was into, and when he confronted her about them she absolutely panicked. He noticed the way she'd intensely stare at the brothers hands, or the way she'd crossed her legs in her seat whenever she got called certain names, or the way whenever she sat on his lap and he'd do what he normally does flirting, touching, or teasing, how he'd feel her core throb on his leg, and so much more. It was all too cute for Asmodeus not to bring it up. Squiddy tries to fight for her dignity, but alas, nothing gets past the Avatar of Lust.

Beelzebub

Beelzebub's height intimidated her, I mean bro literally towered her, but she did loved it at the same time. Beel was always kind to Squiddy because she never touched his food. When Squiddy mentioned how she wanted to help get his brother back, and fix him and his brothers relationship he was elated. He'd join Squiddy and Mammon in her room to have movie nights and even teach Squiddy how to make him and his brothers favorite meals.

Beel will willingly share his food with Squiddy if she asks, he doesn't mind at all. When he found out about Squiddy's sweet tooth he used her favorite desserts to bribe her into working out with him, he knows Squiddy is not in shape athletically, and he wants her to be healthy. So for every 3 weeks she works out without any complaints, he'll take her out to Devildom's best bakery for a dessert binge.

Squiddy has insomnia, and she will often go to Beel's room and snuggle into him because he's a great cuddler in Squiddy's opinion. Unlike Levi's tub she doesn't wake up with neck cramps, unlike Mammon, Beel isn't sprawled across her uncomfortably. Unlike Asmo, Beel isn't constantly trying to get a rise outta her, Unlike Satan...Beel's bed is actually useable, Belphie is a instant no from Squiddy, she doesn't want to bother Lucifer with her insomnia knowing he has a bunch of work to do. So that leaves Beel, a gentle giant who keeps his warm embrace until the morning. or until he gets hungry in the night.

Belphegor

Squiddy actually liked Belphie when she was helping the demon brother to escape his imprisonment. She was overjoyed when she saw the barrier keeping him locked in his prison be broken. That was before he killed her. That was before Squiddy traveled back in time and watched her past self bloody body being held in Mammon's arms as he sobbed. This made her heart shatter. When she made eye contact with Belphie and he went to kill her again, she decided that she would never forgive Belphie.

Literally the next day when Belphie was being all lovey dovey towards Squiddy she was disgusted. She couldn't believe homeboy, didn't even give her time to recover from what she saw. Squiddy is still respectable towards Belphie, especially around the other brothers but she is extremely passively-aggressive towards him. She refuses to do group work with him, and refuses to have a conversation longer than 5 minutes with him.

He knows that he cannot change the past so he returns the passive-aggressive attitude but will do anything she say in hopes that she’ll forgive him one day.

#obey me beelzebub #obey me leviathan #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me belphegor #obey me fanfic #obey me headcanon #obey me x oc #obey me x mc #obey me x original character #obey me headcanons #headcanon #house of lamentation

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softtransbf · 4 years

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Mister Nice Guy, part 2

part one

Summary: Shit hits the fan, and the rest of the BAU is done with it.

Word Count: 3523

Reader: he/him trans man, no physical description

Warnings: case involving targeting gay people, brief mention of a child abduction case, coming out/anxiety of experiencing transphobia (no actual transphobia though), alcohol, swearing

@aleccolocco (sorry it took so long to finish lol)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"No, that doesn't make any sense at all, doctor!" you spat his title. "He's not jealous of these couples, killing what he can't have, or a homophobe, punishing gay people for being happy. He's putting an end to their unhappy relationships. He sees it as mercy." Over the months, your cold war with Reid turned into outright conflict, and tonight, alone in the police station in Oregon, was no exception. Hotchner had tasked the two of you with presenting the preliminary profile the next morning, and it was going as well as conversations ever went.

"We have no evidence that he knows they're unhappy, though. All of his victims are clearly happy in their relationships," Reid challenged.

You rolled your eyes and scoffed. "Please. One look at their social media and it's obvious that the relationships are on the rocks."

"Where do you get that? All I see are typical happy relationships. Selfies, checking into special events together, posts about kind things one does for the other. Nothing indicating a troubled relationship to me."

"The gentlemen doth protest too much. They're painting an overly happy painting on social media, hoping that some of that happiness will actually become real. They're desperate for the relationship to work."

"Let's say you're right. I don't think you are, but let's pretend for the sake of trying to see your logic through. Why? Why would they be so desperate to save a failing relationship?"

"God, straight men just don't fucking get it!" You went to grab a file, missing his small flinch. "You don't understand how limited the dating pool for men who are into men is. Look at the most recent couple in particular. The most lovey-dovey on social media, and got the most brutal deaths."

"Yes, because they were the happiest. My theory holds," Reid interrupted.

"No. Look, this guy put way more out there on social media than his partner, and look at the pictures he posted. Look how forced his smile is, look at the body language. He needs this relationship to work, because dating as a gay man is one thing, dating as a gay trans man is almost impossible. Having to start over and deal with transphobia over and over again is worse than being in a bad relationship. In his eyes, I mean." Shit, the first person I come out to on this team cannot be Spencer fucking Reid. He doesn't deserve the honor.

"That was yesterday. We haven't gotten the autopsy report yet. How could you possibly know that he's trans?"

"Testosterone vials and needles in the bathroom. Neither of them are old enough for a cis man to reasonably have issues that require testosterone injections. It's HRT, hormone replacement therapy."

"Even if you're right, your conclusion still seems like a much bigger jump than mine, that the killer sees the relationships as happy and is lashing out at that, be it from jealousy or homophobia."

"Whatever. You'll see tomorrow, when we talk to the M.E., that he was trans, and that fact backs me up. I am absolutely right about this, and you will eat your words. Then I will present my theory, and you can choke on yours."

"We? You anticipate us spending more time together?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I meant 'we' as in the team, asshat. The world doesn't revolve around you. Mine sure as hell doesn't. I'm gonna go back to the hotel, write my own damn preliminary profile, and try to get some fucking sleep. Clearly we won't agree on this."

"We don't ever agree on anything," he pointed out.

"Not true. We agree that we dislike each other and can't get along. Good night, doctor." You turned and walked away, not giving him a chance to respond.

This man is going to be the death of me, he thought as he watched you walk away.

The autopsy report came in the next day, and you were right. The tech team also found a locked notes app on his phone that catalogued his unhappiness and fear of leaving. You presented your preliminary profile to the team. Reid didn't even argue; he just sat in silence, leaving the room as soon as you were finished. Never one to pass up a chance to gloat for beating him, you offered to get coffee for the team, got everyone's order, and left shortly behind him.

You were expecting to catch up to him, his impossibly long legs be damned. You weren't expecting him to be waiting for you. He pulled you into an empty interrogation room and pushed you up against a wall, his face just inches from yours. It was only a moment before being flustered by the closeness and those goddamn eyes were replaced by anger.

"What the FUCK, Reid?"

"What game are you playing, Y/N? What game are we playing? What's your endgame?" He spoke quickly and softly, but there was an intensity in his voice that had you captivated.

"I'm the one playing games?" You pushed him back, away from you. "You're the one who decided to hate me before we even met. When I transferred, all I wanted was to do a good job and fit in with the team. But quite literally from the minute I walked through the door, you'd decided you hate me. Turnabout is just fair play, gorgeous." Oh, fuck.

"Gorgeous?" You walked past him to the other side of the room, running a hand through your hair and turning your back on him. "Fine. Yeah, okay? I wanted approval from the brilliant and handsome Doctor Spencer Reid. In a way that's respectful of your heterosexuality, of course." You turned around and faced him again. "But that doesn't matter, because you made it clear you wanted nothing to do with me right off the bat."

"What makes you think I'm straight?" He's fucking with me, now that that cat is out of the bag. Great. Fucking cishet men. Even he's no different. Thank god he still thinks I'm cis.

"Garcia mentioned in her newbie-run-down that you're 'awkward, but in a cute way, especially around women'. Plus, she mentioned that Emily is bi, leaving everyone else implied straight as even the best cishet allies are wont to do. And as we both know, Penelope knows everything.

And before you make the hearsay argument I can see forming in that brilliant head of yours, I've heard and seen too much about your impeccable memory to assume you don't remember when we all went to the bar after my first case. I was unabashedly Queer, friendly flirting with Derek and calling out cishet bullshit. When I did the latter, you literally rolled your eyes and walked away. Which is, funnily enough, some cishet bullshit.

JJ said you were just going through a thing and things would get better, but they just got worse. I'm not going to ask you to spill whatever was going on, because it's not my business, but god damn, dude. Why did you hate me so much so quickly?"

"You asked JJ about me?" He took a few steps towards you, a small smile on his face.

"That's the part you focused on? Jesus fucking Christ. Yes, I asked her about why you decided to hate me before we even met. Whatever. I hope you got whatever you were looking for by pulling me in here. I'm done. Done with this conversation, done with whatever has been going on with you and us since the day I transferred." You turned to leave, but he grabbed your arm. It was barely more than a light touch, but you let it stop you.

"Y/N. I can't-" he sighed. "God, you make my head spin. I can't organize my thoughts enough to say what I want to. JJ was right, there was something I had to work through, and I guess you'd made up your mind about me before I figured it out. It isn't an excuse for how I treated you, just an explanation. As for the more recent development of arguments… I guess I read a subtext that wasn't there. I could never dislike you, let alone hate you. I am truly sorry for- for all of it." With three long strides, he was out the door.

Make his head spin? What subtext? Since when is he unable to say what's on his mind? And what was that about not disliking me? All we've done since we met is argue or ignore each other. Why else would he act like that? Why do I even care? Why am I so knotted up about what he's thinking and feeling? Whatever. Fuck him, and not in the fun way. I've gotta go get coffee for the team. As you were getting the coffee, you couldn't get the memory of his face, so close to yours, to stop playing in your head.

The rest of the case was mostly as normal, but there was an energy between you and Spencer that was distant like when you joined the team, but there was something else to it that you couldn't quite put your finger on. It made you a little bit sad, though, for reasons you didn't understand.

"I love you, Y/N. I love you so much. I pulled away from you because it terrified me how much I loved you from the moment you walked through the door that first day. Being around you, even when we were arguing, made me feel alive in a way I never had before. You're all I think about, you're all I could ever want. I love you."

"I… I love you too." You didn't know which one of you moved, maybe you both did, but in an instant, you were kissing Spencer Reid, and you couldn't have been happier.

You woke up with a start, breathing heavily. You looked around; you were in your room, home alone, and it was 3:37 am. What the hell was that?

Four hours later, you trudged through the door of the BAU office, venti red-eye in hand. You made it about ten steps before Derek had his arm around your shoulders.

"Whoa there, hot stuff. Rough night?" You tried to shake him off, but he wouldn't budge, so you just kept walking, making him go with you towards your desk.

"So not your business, Derek. You being open with your personal life doesn't mean we all have to be open like that with ours."

"Personal life, huh? So who is he? More importantly, how was he, and should we expect more mornings like this in the future?" You rolled your eyes and playfully shoved him away. You'd reached your desk, so you sat on top of it, facing him. As you did, you made eye contact with Spencer, who was well within earshot. His face was unreadable, and you weren't sure why him hearing Morgan tease you like that upset you. It never had before.

"No, Derek. There's no one. Just some nightmares. Nothing major; I'll be fine by tomorrow." You got off your desk, sat in your chair, and logged into your laptop. Derek whistled and walked away without another word, shaking his head.

You tried to focus on the paperwork you needed to get done, but you couldn't stop thinking about that dream. The feeling of his lips on yours… it felt so real.

This is ridiculous. Love? We don't even like each other. Well… there was the stuff he was saying yesterday- 'I could never dislike you, let alone hate you', and some sort of subtext? But not disliking someone is a far cry from love. Plus, he's straight, so this is all absurd. And even if he DID have feelings for me, I sure as hell don't return them. I mean, maybe he's not as awful as I've thought, especially if he wasn't coming from a place of dislike. And he really is very pretty. Those eyes… Wait, what the fuck? This is all fucking ridiculous. I just need to get a full night's sleep tomorrow, and all this weirdness will be gone.

You took a giant gulp of your coffee, shook your head, and ran your fingers through your hair. Fortunately, Hotchner called a team meeting, forcing your attention to other things.

While no case could ever be described as 'normal', this case was pretty cut and dry, once you figured out what you were looking for. No dramatic twist, no tense showdown at his arrest. There weren't many cases like that, but you were very glad that this one was. You never sleep well when on a case, and no matter what you did, you couldn't shake that dream, the butterflies it left in your stomach every time you looked at him, and the strange disappointment when, unlike before that moment in Oregon, he wasn't looking at you.

Two more weeks passed. The energy between you and Spencer, whatever force it was that had drawn you together to argue again and again, was gone. You were polite to each other, and cooperated as necessary, but didn't do more than the bare minimum when it came to interacting with each other. Your interactions were cold and low-spirited. So you were so glad for a fun night out with Penelope, Emily, and JJ.

"So, Y/N, things seem… different… between you and Spencer these days. Did something happen?" Emily's tone made it clear that the three of them had intended to bring this up long before the plan to get drinks was even made. "I appreciate y'all waiting until I had a couple of drinks in me at least before going here. I guess we just got tired of fighting? I don't know. I can't figure out what's going on in that brilliant head of his. I thought I at least knew where I stood with him, even though it was purely adversarial, but I think I was wrong. But then that leaves me with no idea what he thinks of me or why I care so damn much."

"Really? No idea at all?" JJ asked. "I remember walking by a closed door in the police station in Oregon and hearing the word 'gorgeous' being thrown around." "Oh my god. You heard that?" You buried your face in your hands, and they all laughed.

"Yeah, I did, but only that one word. I'd figured you were on the phone with someone, but then you and Spence both started acting sad. I wasn't sure, of course, that you were talking to him until just now."

"Fuck. Okay, yeah. I think he's pretty. But I'm absolutely not alone in that. Derek calls him Pretty Boy, for goodness' sake. Appreciating someone's beauty doesn't have to mean anything more."

"Y/N, really? After everything we've been through together, you're gonna lie to us like this? Whatever happened, you've both been miserable since, and it's throwing the whole team off balance."

"What do you want me to say, Penelope? That I'm in love with him? He's pretentious and a know-it-all and a nerd and funny and kind and gorgeous and oh my God. I think I'm in love with him." The three women clapped and cheered.

"Finally, you get there! Took you long enough." Emily winked. "So, what's the plan now?"

"Keep this shit between us until my feelings go away. Even if he wasn't straight, I wouldn't risk fucking things up by telling him how I felt. As it is, I stand no chance in hell, so I'm just gonna write this one off as another straight guy I've fallen for and try to move on."

"Y/N, if you tell him-" Penelope started.

"No. You, more than anyone, know why I can't even entertain the idea of trying to be with him. I can't set myself up for that kind of pain. Not here, not where things are so good." You looked at all three of them. "I know that your intentions were good, but I just can't do this. I'm sorry." You grabbed your coat and left.

Your interactions with Spencer changed yet again. Now that you knew you loved him, you couldn't help yourself from being warmer towards him. As the weeks passed, you got closer. After three weeks, you considered him to be a good friend, not that that made things any less painful. You were just hoping that Penelope, Emily, and JJ were going to respect your wishes and drop the subject of your feelings for him.

[From: Penelope]: round table room ASAP

Shit. The last time you'd gotten that text from Penelope, the team left on a serial child abduction case 30 minutes later. So, despite it being your day off, you ran out the door and were there with your go bag in 15 minutes.

But no one else was there. No files on the table, nothing to indicate that there was a new case. You pulled out your phone to call Penelope, but then you heard a commotion outside the door- you'd closed it behind you.

"No, Derek, wait, I don't-"

"Can it, Pretty Boy, and thank me later." Derek opened the door, pushed Spencer into the room, winked at you, and shut the door, all in about 3 seconds.

"Spencer. Um, hi. Is the rest of the team not going to join us? Garcia's text seemed pretty urgent." You tucked your phone into your pocket.

"I don't think so, since I just heard Morgan barricade the door." He tried to open the door and failed.

"Oh my god they're Parent Trapping us. I'm gonna kill them."

Spencer tilted his head, confused. "Parent Trapping?"

"Oh my god have you not seen any of the Parent Trap movies? Were you living under a rock in 1998?" "I was seventeen and working on my first doctorate, so pretty much, yeah," he laughed. You couldn't help but laugh, too, as you firmly ignored how his smile made you absolutely melt.

"Fair enough. The '61 one is good too, but the '98 Lindsay Lohan one is Iconic for good reason. Anyway. The point is, they've locked us in here and won't let us out until we have a conversation."

"Just a conversation? Or do they want us to talk about something in particular?" He took a seat at the table.

"I- yeah, they have a particular topic in mind. I'm so sorry. This is my fault. I was tipsy and said things I should have just kept to myself. I thought they'd respected my wishes and left well enough alone, but clearly they didn't. And they won't let us out of here until I tell you-" you hesitated.

"Tell me what?" He leaned forward, and part of you swore you saw hope in his beautiful brown eyes. You looked at the floor, avoiding them.

"Tell you that I… have feelings for you. Romantic, cheesy, butterflies-in-my-stomach feelings. I don't know why they want me to tell you this. We've just gotten to a good place as friends, and you're straight, and-"

Somehow you missed the sound of him getting up and taking the few steps over to you, because you practically jumped out of your skin when his hands were suddenly on your shoulders.

"Y/N. Please, darling, look at me?" Bewildered by the endearment, you did, and his smile was blinding. "I'm not straight. I'm bi, and I think part of me has been in love with you since your first day at the BAU. The thing JJ said I was working through? The potential problems of having feelings for a coworker. For you. As soon as you walked through that door", he pointed and then took both your hands in his, "I loved you. The night at the bar? I was rolling my eyes at myself for how much I wanted to kiss you, and I walked away to stop myself from doing something reckless. I love you, Y/N. Can I do something reckless?"

"I'm trans," you blurted. "I hope that doesn't change anything, but it's something you should know. If knowing that I'm trans changes things, now is the time for you to say something. If it's a problem and it blows up later, it might actually kill me. Because I love you, too. So much. If it doesn't change anything, then please, Spencer, kiss me."

The words were barely out of your mouth before his lips were on yours. You weren't sure how long you were kissing before you were interrupted by cheers from the other side of the door. "Shit, Spencer, they're going to be the worst about this, aren't they?" You were a bit embarrassed by how breathy your voice was, but you were too happy to really care.

"Oh yeah. We're not going to get a moment that's just us in this building ever again. Do you want to get it over with and face them, or would you prefer we stay in this moment a bit longer?"

"What do you think, doctor?" you asked, pulling him in for another kiss.

#spencer reid x male reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #otp: pretty boys

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fakeloveaskblog · 3 years

Note

Janus, you know Remy didn't mean that. Logan loves you very much and if you called him he'd tell you so himself. I, in fact, recommend you give him a call after this is over, for emotional support if not anything else.

I'd rather both of you go after Remy actually, both Rowan and Janus. But honestly, leaving Remus alone isn't really something that I'd want to do right now either, so. Maybe it'd go better if both of you went after them, but I think it's better for Rowan to stay with her brother.

To surmise: Janus? You go after them. And no matter what they say please try to remember that they're lashing out and they don't mean it, ok?

(Mentions of U!Virgil)

Janus' nervously bit on his nails. He didn't say anything but he couldn't help but think about what if they did mean it, someday, after he'd said something far too stupid. What if they looked at him with enough anger to fill the entire room and really meant it.

'im not a bomb. i wont exploe and destroy the apartmnt if im left alone for five minues' Remus wrote into the app with shaky hands. Tears made his eyes blurry.

"Last time I left you alone while you were.....having an episode I got back to you nearly stabbing a knife into your stomach you hog goblin" Rowan muttered while aggressively hugging him. He closed his eyes and covered his ears to try and keep all the sharp sensations out as he leaned into the hug.

"I...I should go after them" Janus said, his voice weak, as he stood up.

Rowan looked up at him. She tried to send a reassuring smile "Hey at least we know- we're quite sure something bad is going on. Then we can help them before-” She glanced at her brother “before it gets even worse"

"...Sure"

Janus pulled on a jacket and took Remy’s left behind cane before going out into the hallway. He reminded himself he could go over to Logan and cuddle all night long the moment this all was sorted out as he went down the stairs.

A cold wind hit him as soon as he stepped out of the apartment complex. The sky had just about started to darken. The light shining from the windows of the surrounding houses illuminated the sidewalk like a yellow tinted night sky.

He went out into the street and looked around for any trace of Remy. His eyes darted all over the finely trimmed grass and pristinely maintained streets until he caught glimpse of a figure walking away.

Janus hadn’t ran as fast as this since high school gym class while being yelled at by his teacher but now he sure fucking did. It felt like his lungs were burning. He wouldn’t risk letting them leave thinking he was mad at them.

Remy flinched when Janus suddenly stopped next to them. After a moment of surprise they kept walking though. They looked away from him and took another blow from their cigarette to make it glaringly obvious they were ignoring him.

“Re-” Janus stopped to pant which turned into a wheeze. He sounded like a dying seagull “Remy please if you could just give me a moment”

“Suuuure gal. Tots looking forward to listening to you berate my boyfriend again”

“You forgot your cane”

They were completely caught off guard “Huh?”

Janus held it out to them “Here, you forgot your cane at the apartment” It was barely holding itself together “Oh right” He quickly tried to move the tape so it held together better before reaching it out again “I wouldn’t want you to be in any more pain”

“It- it’s fine. I can like clearly walk without it. I’m not feeling anything”

They had that slightly glazed over look in their eyes they always had when they had to actively zone out from their body to manage the pain. The smoke from their cigarette got mixed with the fog leaving their mouth from how cold it was. Their legs were shaking from the winds and the pain even if they tried to hide it.

“You can borrow my jacket as well if you’d like. Excuse the scales stuck in it, it was from my werewolf like transformation which I of course have every month”

Remy forced themself to not laugh. They rolled their eyes before grabbing their cane from his hands “Better than not having it I guess” They motioned for waving him away “You can go now”

“Actually I put a handcuff on both of our wrists and threw away the key while you were talking so I can’t leave” Janus replied “It’s invisible but not to the laws of physics”

They blew some of the cigarette smoke into his face before walking away. Janus coughed but still tried to keep up with them. He had to half run to not get left behind.

“How come you can suddenly walk fast” He mumbled.

“You’re so annoying” They spat back.

“Indeed, that’s how I’m still friends with Remus. Mutual annoyance!” Janus did his best to not let it get to him. They were just lashing out he reminded himself.

“At least Remus isn’t in some made up conspiracy with his stupid fucking boyfriend”

“I do believe it would be quite hard for him to be since he doesn’t have a boyfriend”

Remy suddenly stopped. They turned towards him and threw their arms out “You can just yell at me okay?! Like I get I was rude so just get it over with instead of trying to make me like think you won’t yell at me!”

Janus stopped as well. A cold feeling filled his chest “Remy I’m not going to yell at you”

“Very funny girl. Not the best time to be sarcastic but sure” They said it in kind of a bitchy tone but their shoulders slumped down and their body tensed to prepare for the berating.

“I’m not lying” He moved closer but they instantly flinched away “I would never want to intentionally hurt you, that includes yelling at you. And if I ever accidentally hurt you, which I fear I already have, I would actually appreciate if you told me so instead of just assuming I will hurt you”

“You should” They stared into his eyes as they said it. Their hands had moved into shaky fists.

“I should throw this jacket around you before you catch a cold you shaking stick”

Janus did a horrible attempt at throwing the jacket. It landed right on top of Remy’s head as if they were a coat hanger.

“Oh- oh sorry”

Jan awkwardly moved forward to snatch the jacket away but Remy threw it away before he could. It landed on the cold grass.

“Not a thrower huh” Remy muttered while getting ready to walk away.

They took another blow from their cigarette. It took a moment before Janus realized that if they’d kept their cigarette in their mouth that meant the jacket was- OH FUCK FIRE!

A part of the jacket had caught on fire and was spreading it over to the grass. Remy and Janus glanced at each other before both jumping onto the jacket in blind panic. They stomped around on the grass to get the fire out.

“Motherfucker!” Remy yelled at a piece of really determined fire grass while jumping up and down on it repeatedly.

Finally when all of the fire had died down all that was left was both of them panting in the quickly darkening evening. Remy stumbled and sat down at the side of the pavement. It felt like electricity was burning along their spine.

They felt the jacket be put around their shoulders before Janus sat down beside them. He didn’t say anything as he looked up at the sky.

Remy lit another cigarette and took a long blow from it. “You’re looking to start another fire already? Impressive” Janus teased.

“Shut up”

“Noted”

Janus didn’t say anything more. He looked at the halloween decorations in the different windows. At the purple hues of the sky that had started to turn to dark blue. Remy kept shuddering.

They sat there until they’d finished their cigarette. They immediately took out a new one. The last one in the package. They muttered something under their breathe before lighting it.

“It just feels so whiny” Remy mumbled out, it was barely more than a whisper.

Janus titled his head to look at them “What?”

“It’s like. Obviously I hate your stupid ass Logie ‘cause he’s an asshole....but like I also feel kinda jealous I guess. Your relationship just seems to work out so perfectly. It doesn’t feel fair. And yes I know that makes me a dick”

“To be fair we haven’t been dating long enough to get out of the honeymoon phase”

He thought for a bit before continuing, he tried testing the words around on his tongue so he wouldn’t upset them.

“Logan has actually come to work dead tired a few times after he and patty have stayed up all night talking things through after an argument. I assume eventually me and Lo will argue but even if we do I am certain we will talk it through afterwards until we’re both feeling better and so we know we won’t argue about the same thing again...if you get me? You- I don’t think arguing and then just not resolving never works. No one deserves that”

“Bad circle of arguments yeah”

They let the cigarette smoke flow out from between their teeth. Janus carefully glanced at them to see so he hadn’t said anything wrong.

“I didn’t even like leave when he broke the cane” Remy suddenly said in a tired voice “It wasn’t until today when he like joked about and I just got upset for some stupid reason-”

“A good reason”

“Yeah sure. So we like started arguing and I just kept seeing red kinda until he like kissed me and I know what he was trying to make the argument stop by fucking so he could say everything was fine and we didn’t have to talk about it anymore ‘cause it was in the past now. And usually I give in- or- fuck- no that sounds wrong- he doesn’t- I do want- or like no I don’t Want to but that’s just ‘cause I’m all fucked up when it comes to sex- I just- It’s not like I Don’t want to- It’s consensual! I promise!” They weren’t lying.

“I believe you” Janus replied.

They took a deep breathe before continuing “But i just like- I just got so tired of him Always brushing past the issues somehow! Either I start crying or he has a panic attack and I have to calm him down or we fuck and he makes me feel like the crazy one if I bring it up again! I just wanna talk it out! For once! It’s just like the same issues over and over! No matter how hard I try to keep the relationship together I Always mess something up again and ruin everything again!”

“....That does sound very annoying. I would have started drywall if I were you”

Janus’ chest warm when his stupid comment got a stressed out little chuckle from his crush.

“Yeah” They brushed their thumb up and down the skin of their other hand “I just can’t leave him”

“I...” Janus forced his words down “I’m not telling you to”

“Sure gal. Sure. Like. He. And” They looked out across the desolate road as if searching for how to get the tumble of thoughts out “We’ve been together so long I don’t know where I end and Virgil begin anymore”

“Oh”

“Yeah. I don’t remember how I lived without him. I dunno how I could ever survive without him. He was all I had for like so long” Their shoulders started to shake “I would have died if he wasn’t there. I know it. I know. It’s not even like a question. I don’t- I dunno”

Janus gently leaned his head against their shaking shoulder “Well I think you’re quite amazing for surviving at all. Whether it was because of Virgil or not”

Remy dug their fingers down into the skin of their thighs. They shut their eyes so tightly but the tears still spilled through. Their spine ached. It never stopped aching.

“Even if it emotional abuse like you’re saying” Remy mumbled out through the tears “I don’t care. I honestly like- I don’t- I can’t”

Janus didn’t reply. He didn’t know what to even say. He carefully moved his arms their waist in a sort of half hug.

“I mean like I- it all feels so normal- abuse is like blood on the shoes and muffled hockey games playing on the tv while you’re crying and bruises around necks. The yelling and stuff is so like normal y’know so it’s not- It would be weird without it. I’m like such a stupid annoying mess of an overemotional burden I deserve it either way. I can like take Virgil yelling at me in exchange for not being all alone for the rest of my life”

Janus was completely caught off guard at comment of them being alone forever without their abuser. He looked up into their eyes that had turned red from tears.

“Why would I ever leave you?”

Remy looked back at him. They opened their mouth and then closed it again. There were so many reasons for why he should have left already. They didn’t know where to start.

“You- I would- I’m an asshole- I will like force you away” They choked out.

“Darling” Janus said it in that firm way, as if he was an aunt about to scold them for destroying a window “Do you even realize how much of a dick you were to Logan?”

“i- uh-”

“A very big one! I would even describe it as rude at times! But I can assure you that he has told me that even after that if you ever contacted him he would accept your friendship in a heartbeat! If he is ready for that do you seriously think me or Remus for that matter would leave you?? Have you met Remus??? He would murder a person for you! Several even! I would too!” (Specifically one emo fucker!)

There was a hint of blushing on Remy’s cheeks “He....he would?” They mumbled to themself.

“So my dearest Remy” He held them closer “As long as I am here I will make goddamn sure you won’t ever be alone! You can quote me on that!”

“Girl- Actually Bitch I’ve already cried you don’t gotta do all this”

“You can’t stop me!” Janus shone up into a sinister smile “Just you wait until I bring out my evil laugh”

“Don’t tell me your evil plan is to make me feel better”

“Actually it’s to make you feel loved but close enough!”

“Well I am a known mind reader so like of course”

Janus let up into a laugh. He churned his forehead against their shoulder like a cat showing affection. Remy leant their head on top of his. His hair made a good pillow.

“I still won’t leave him” Remy mumbled out into his hair.

Janus forced all of his rage back. All of the counter arguments. All the threats towards their bitch of a boyfriend.

“Okay” Was all he got out “Okay”

“I love him. He loves me. We take care of each other. I need him”

“I care about you dear” Janus searched for their hand “I want you to know that, and I want you to not forget it” He felt their cold fingers weave together with his “And if you ever need a place, for a night, for a week, for months, you can come to me at any moment. Or if you simply need to vent. You can even call me to come help you if- if anyone ever- anyone treats you like don’t deserve to be treated, because darling you deserve so incredibly much”

Remy let out a small chuckle “I already know I can crash at your place girl”

“No Remy seriously”

Janus took both of their hands in his. Their fingers intertwined. Their eyes met. He looked dead serious. Like his life hung on this.

“If you told me to run away with you I would do it in a heartbeat”

He’d never seen Remy blush this hard. Their mouth moved in that way where it was obvious they were holding back a grin. They melted on the inside but they didn’t say that. Didn’t say how hard their heart was beating either.

They leant forward a pressed a kiss to his cheek, right by his lips. Any more than that and the guilt would eat them alive.

Remy leant back and looked down at him “I won’t, but I appreciate it”

“I will always be here for you. In any way. If you ever decide to leave I am ready to support you in Any way you need”

“I know”

“I care about you more than you can imagine”

“I know gal”

“I- I lov-”

“I know” They smiled “I know”

Janus didn’t know in what way they meant that. He dusted his clothes off before getting up. The sky had fully darkened. The tears had dried on Remy’s cheeks.

He picked up their cane and gave it to them. Their cigarette laid long forgotten on the ground. He held out his hand.

“Rowan is probably worried. Do you want to go back? Have that sleepover?”

Remy hesitated. The longer they were gone the more mad Virgil would get more mad when they eventually got home. Their hand lingered on their cane. They met his eyes.

#i have 0 idea how the weather works in florida #sanders sides #janus sanders #remy sanders #desleep #3 am posting #my headache is horrible #mini fic

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lovestrucked-again · 3 years

Text

Beneath the daylight moon

Chapter 4

Masterlist - Round the Robin Collab Prev

“Why do we sometimes see the moon, even during daytime?” Jaehyun doesn’t know, nor did he care to notice that such a thing existed; it was a mystery to him, but you were a bigger enigma.

“I can help you. And her.” Jaehyun’s eyes shifted towards the door that he had just left behind, then back to the boy gripping his arm. “But I need your help first.”

“You want me to do what?” Jaehyun questioned, the shock evident in his voice.

“You can see it right?” the boy asked in anticipation, the glint of excitement sparkling in his eye as he continued, “the string.”

“Uh,” Jaehyun hesitated, nervous how to respond, “no I can’t.”

“Did you use the flash?” the guy bounced back, moving uncomfortably close to Jaehyun, pushing his way to see the screen of his phone.

“No I didn't bu-” Jaehyun frowned in frustration, “can I have my phone back?” he asked, struggling to hide his impatience and annoyance stirring up. The boy didn't respond, quickly flicking the camera app onto screen and switching it to the back camera, focusing the dot on his physical still body connected to the monitors on the hospital bed. Jaehyun stood leaning on one foot, arms crossed around his body and huffed in exasperation. Why did I even bother? He thought to himself.

“Look.”

Jaehyun grabbed the phone back without a second thought and lazily looked at the screen, not expecting anything until his jaw drops in awe, “W-What is that?” he stuttered out.

“It’s my connection to her.” The boy explained, taking a seat beside his own laid out body. Jaehyun has to rub his eyes again, afraid that he’s dreaming, seeing the two identical faces beside each other. There’s almost no difference in the complexion of their faces, if the boy lied still against his body with his eyes closed, Jaehyun was almost certain he would be unable to tell the difference. It scared him.

“To her?” Jaehyun asked, unable to comprehend everything.

“That string is connected to my soulmate.”

“Wait what?”

The boy gets up from the bed, beginning to pace back and forth between the doorway and his coma body, “I know it sounds crazy and stupid but I’ve researched this already, I’ve spent almost 4 years now, like this.” He glanced at Jaehyun for a sign of his following, “The string you just saw is connected to her.”

Jaehyun looked down at the phone in his hand, staring at the silver cord that seemed to emerge from the boy’s unconscious covered heart. He could see the string flow past out the photo frame and disappear behind the corner edge of his screen. “Where is she?” he asked, trying to interpret everything.

The boy stopped moving, clenching his fist tightly before unclasping it and turning to face the closed door, “She’s in the room next door.”

“Have you heard of the daytime moon?” The boy asked, leaning against the wooden bench chair and staring up into the sky.

Jaehyun’s interest perked up at the mention of the familiar term, “Yeah I have.” He takes a seat beside the boy, waiting for him to continue. The slow urgency in the boy’s movement pushes Jaehyun to carry on, “do you know what it means?”

The boy smiles to himself as he reaches his arms above his shoulder, stretching his body before sinking back into the chair, “It’s based on an old story actually.” Jaehyun has to gesture at him to keep going as the boy turns to make eye contact with him. “At the beginning the sun and moon were equal in greatness and luminance but then the moon was made to be smaller. Obviously, the moon became jealous of the sun and so she asked the universe, “Why can’t two kings wear the same crown?” The universe then replied to her “You’re not diminished, you may rule both in the day and night, you can signify the dates and years which people live by – and the sun will be given the part of seasons.”

Jaehyun thinks back to the day on the rooftop. What was the season back then? He pictured the memory of you sitting alone at the rooftop, spacing out at the sky. The wind had shaken the last few leaves on the floor of the roof around and the usual thoughts from his head had disappeared. It felt like so long ago since he had seen you and the thought just made him feel lonely.

The boy remained oblivious to the change in Jaehyun’s emotions as he carried on with his story, “So the moon was reduced to a fraction of her original size, deprived of her ability to generate her own light and reduced her luminance in the daytime – a punishment for her selfish inability to share with the sun. But, she was offered a new cycle of rebirth once a month, allowing her growth and a time for her own sparkle, but she wasn’t allowed to be restored to her original state.”

Snapping back into reality, Jaehyun leaned back up, straightened his posture and crossed a leg over, “And how does this relate to the daytime moon?” Jaehyun asked, confused how this story was related to his question.

“It’s the importance of a metaphoric belief - a give and take relationship. The sun gives its light to the moon and the moon receives and reflects the sun’s light.” Jaehyun pondered on the thought as the boy spoke, “The sun and moon were created to differentiate between night and day, between givers and takers.”

“Why would the moon feel inferior? It’s of equal importance is it not?” Jaehyun questioned after much contemplation on the belief, the difference between the moon and sun was so obvious to the universe, yet the moon just couldn't appreciate herself.

The boy nodded, giving a knowing look that left Jaehyun feeling quite exposed, as though he could see right through his simple logic. “It is, perhaps even more. The sun illuminates by illuminating, but the moon illuminates by the dark of nothingness, using the reception of another’s light. So when the sun isn’t seen, it isn’t there, but even when the moon is nothing, she is still something.”

It takes a few seconds for the information to click and sink in. Jaehyun can feel his lips form the question before he can even follow through his own thoughts, “And that makes a daytime moon?”

“Yes.”

“The daytime moon signifies a give and take relationship requiring selflessness and… well you know?” the boy chuckled, nudging his new friend beside him, “something like of a couple.”

As Jaehyun turned the next corner, his next step faltered. Just moments ago, the boy had taken him to see his unconscious girlfriend whose string could be seen with the same technique of a camera flash. Her lifeless body attached to multiple machinery cords. Tears came to his eyes as he recalled your body in the same hospital bed, will Y/N become as pale as her? I have to help her before it’s too late.

Technically all the boy wanted him to do was pick up a pair of scissors and cut an invisible string that only happened to be seen using through a camera flash. Jaehyun brushed the tears away hastily and entered the boy’s hospital room – his spirit already sitting beside his own body.

“There’s a pair of scissors in the bedside draw,” said the boy listlessly, “you can use those.”

Jaehyun felt that the time had really come now for making his choice. Or had his choice already been made long before? He knew he would save you no matter what. A feeling of pain crept over him as he thought of the desecration that was in store for the fair face boy.

“I-I’m sorry but I don't think I can do this.” Jaehyun stammers, backing away to the entrance of the door.

The boy visibly frowned, “Why not?” he asked, bunching the thin bed sheets in his fist, attempting to simmer his combined emotions of anger and confusion.

“This…” the words are barely heard in the empty room “it’ll be bad for you, wont it?”

The boy chuckled effortlessly, “what do you mean by bad?”

“I just feel like there’s another way to deal with this.” Jaehyun mumbled, “something better.”

“There isn’t!” exclaimed the boy, who was beginning to tense now. “I said I’ll help you if you help me.”

“I know…” he trails, desperately trying to drag the time. Jaehyun made eye contact with the boy once more, wavering. He takes a step towards the bed, finding it almost physically impossible to drag his feet across the floor. His hand finds the draw handle, pulling it towards him with much effort, and reveals a pair of simple red scissors.

His fingers glided around the cutters with much ease, but his hand, his body, shakes with an anxious unknowing feeling. Jaehyun was beginning to plead in his mind for a sign, for something to stop him. The scissors shook in his hands as he lifted the heavy weight up, hovering above the open draw, seeking for something.

Suddenly, as if someone had heard his wishes, his phone went off, vibrating in his pocket. Jaehyun drops the scissors down, patting himself down searching for the source of his saviour.

[11:34am] Johnny: Where are you?

[11:36am] Johnny: Did you bail on me?

[11:45am] Johnny: I swear if you’re with some girl right now

“I have to go.” Jaehyun said, reaching into his jacket pocket and fumbling around for his keys.

“Where are you goi-?” As Jaehyun tried to turn around the boy held him back, making him feel like he had robbed the boy of his freedom, disloyalty immediately filling in the pit of his stomach, “You said you’d help me?”

Jaehyun could only nod weakly, half-truth and half-lie to his next words, “I-I I’ll come back tomorrow.” __

Jaehyun drove off alone and watched the flashing lights of the little car in front of him. A strange sense of loss came over him. He felt the world had all of a sudden cornered him, pushed him into a hole that he had dug for himself. His eyes darkened, and the crowded flaring streets became blurred to his eyes. When he finally pulls into the apartment underground parking he sees Y/S/N walk out.

It doesn't take any effort for him to figure out the situation, having noticed the tear streaked and puffy face features as he pulled into a parking slot. A few seconds passed and Johnny ran out, following Y/S/N desperately.

“Y/S/N Wait!” Johnny cried.

Jaehyun reached for the ignition key, switched it off and slumped his forehead onto the wheel.

“No Johnny, not again.” Y/S/N repeated. Their voices bounced off the walls, echoing in the basement space.

“Just explain it to me! I just want an explanation and I’ll get out!”

Jaehyun exhaled a heavy breath which seemed to have been pent up the entire day, and as he did so, it seemed to him that he had grown years older.

Hearing a car door slam shut and his best friend’s voice die down, Jaehyun looked up and out his window. Johnny stood still, staring at a car drive out and further away. Jaehyun sighs in disbelief, why can’t there just be a day of peace?

“Johnny.” Jaehyun calls out, opening his car door to get out.

Johnny whips his head around, searching for his best friend’s voice, “Oh.” There’s a look of defeat, “Hey.”

Jaehyun doesn’t really know what to say, debating whether he should pretend nothing happened or whether he should address the poor guy’s feelings. “Are you- okay?”

“I- Yeah – I’m okay.”

Johnny takes his time walking back, dragging himself to the elevator, eyes glued to the floor as his mind shuts down in defeat. Jaehyun walked beside him, silent, mind also switched off as he pushes out the thought of tomorrow.

The silence in the elevator isn’t awkward, but the atmosphere is evidently filled with a heavy sigh. No one speaks. The bell of the lift rings, signalling them to leave and Jaehyun turns beside to look at his friend.

“Let’s go.” He murmurs

Johnny breaks out of his daze, giving a nod as he walks out and lets his feet walk to the front door of the apartment. He takes a seat on the stool bench, leaning against the island bench as he plays absentmindedly with the ring on his finger.

Jaehyun spares a glance behind his shoulder, looking at his friend slumping his shoulders, no words, face drained from the usual energy he had. He sighed as he closed the fridge door, placing a bottle of water in front of his friend.

“About Y/S/N…”

Johnny instantly looks up, surprised that Jaehyun has mentioned the name.

The look of desperation in his eyes pains Jaehyun as he continues, “sorry to break it to you but Y/S/N has a lot on her plate.” He rubs his temples as if this were giving him another headache, and Johnny looks at him with a harsh irritation.

Flashes of emotion crossed Johnny’s face, a mixture of jealousy and confusion, “What?”

“Y/S/N –” how to tell him? “She- She has a child.”

The shock is evident in Johnny’s voice, “D-Did you say a child?” he looked around in disbelief, avoided making eye contact with Jaehyun, “How do you know this?” Johnny’s eyes narrowed on his friend, and he crossed an arm over his chest.

“We’re neighbours, she lives across from me,” Jaehyun continued to list, playing with the bottle cap of his own water, “we talk.”

“…oh,”

Jaehyun has never pushed Johnny to do anything. While they have always been good friends, he was always conscious of the fact that Johnny is older. He had always respected his friend. “I don't think now’s a good time to be trying again.”

“No,” Johnny stumbled through his sentence, “I-I can’t just leave her like that,” his heart broke as he continued, “not with that asshole of a guy.”

It crossed Jaehyun’s mind that perhaps the relationship of his older friend would be something incomprehensible to him, but he ignores it. “You weren’t in her life for the past few years Johnny, you can’t just waltz back in now.” he mumbled. Johnny had stopped fuming, and when he looked at his friend, he just sounded tired. He lowered his eyes in shame, and Jaehyun shook his head, “Y/S/N doesn't deserve that.”

As Jaehyun left the room, Johnny stared at the bottle of water placed in front of him, thinking back to what he did wrong so long ago. And why it would forever be left unrepairable. ____

You took the long route home that day, wondered if Jaehyun had actually come to see you in hospital. At the corner of the local flower shop, a man passed you in the mist, walking very fast and with the collar of his black jacket turned up. He had a bag in his hand. You recognised the man. It was Johnny. A strange sense of fear came over you. You made no sign of recognition (not that he’d see you anyway) and went on quickly in the direction of your house, walking faster than before, thinking about your sister and her ex.

Your mind flashed back to that day.

It seemed Y/S/N and Johnny would’ve lasted till marriage, till old. Johnny would constantly roam around your shared apartment with your sister. You’d hear her voice and her heavy laughter in the room beside yours. You’d see the two of them walking hand in hand around the small space, standing beside each other as they cooked. They were inseparable.

That day was different. You hadn’t seen Johnny for weeks now and you would only see glimpses of your sister around the place. She’d stay in her room and it would be completely silent. However, she went out that night, only making it known to you when you heard the sound of a male’s voice late at night.

At first you thought it was Johnny and you became excited, ready to barge into their room to say hi after so long. But the moment you reach the bedroom door you halt. You can hear your sister whispering and the deeper male voice. It wasn’t Johnny’s though, and it wasn't anyone else’s that you recognised. You took a step back, running into your own room as you realised what was happening.

Jaehyun notices you from afar, almost running towards him. However, you don't see him, determination and concern for your sister clouding your vision. It’s not until Jaehyun realises you’re about to completely past him that he calls out for you.

His hand feels cold against your skin as he stops you by the arm, “Johnny,” you huffed, telling him the crucial points, unable to connect the words into a sentence, “I-I… Y/S/N.”

Jaehyun lets his hand fall, having guessed Johnny would’ve left the apartment not long after himself. “Yeah, I know.”

You looked up at him, having caught your breath “What?”

He helps you steady yourself, “Y/S/N’s not home at the moment, I saw her drive off before.”

“Not home? Where is she going?” You followed, anxiety building up again.

“I don't know, maybe visiting you.” He lies, trying to lead you back to the apartments.

However, this only panicked you more, “Really? But she came yesterday.” You turned around, already speed walking back the direction you came from, “somethings wrong.” You mumbled, mind working already thinking what must have gone wrong.

“Wait Y/N!” Jaehyun calls out, following after you, “Where are you going?”

“Back to the hospital.” You stated, “If she’s coming to visit me today something must be wrong, she only comes on weekends.” Your minds working in a frenzy and you can barely concentrate on anything else. Could it be something related to her boyfriend? To your nephew?

“Y/N!” Jaehyun called again.

You didn't hear him though, determined to get back and see your sister. Jaehyun doesn’t have the strength left to chase after you, dreading the thought of visiting the hospital yet again. Instead he watched you leave. ___

It was almost midnight by the time Jaehyun finally had the chance to lay down in his bed. He hadn’t texted Johnny about earlier, hadn’t seen you since you had run off, hadn’t even had a chance to eat dinner with his Grandma. The past 24 hours seemed to have felt like weeks and he thought how nice it finally was, to be able to hear his own breath. He decided to think of the day as just a hurdle to pass, a necessity to be able to wish for something better.

With that thought, he eventually fell asleep.

The boy laughed, and when he did his head twitched strangely a couple of times, “Get out of here. I don't want to see you.”

“Just come with me,” Jaehyun begged, “I’ll help you figure something else out.”

The boy’s face suddenly hardened into anger and his words shot out in a rage. “Just shut up! You lied to me! We made a deal, it was so fucking simple. If you wanted to act like a goddamn hero then you should’ve done something about it!”

Jaehyun could only stand there speechless. The boy was just a mere stranger to him, not even in flesh, yet the words felt so harshly true, “I-Sorry…”

“It’s all your fault she’s dead! You could’ve stopped it. You could’ve saved her. But no! You had to run away and become a coward. You only care about yourself!” The boy’s face had coloured to a deep red, and spit flew from his mouth as he yelled. He started taking lumbering steps forward, his hands balled into fists as he stepped closer to Jaehyun.

“L-Look I,” He was only a few feet away, Jaehyun took a step backwards, his guilt now turning into fear.

“I only asked for one fucking thing!”

Jaehyun took two more steps back, “I-”

“And now you killed Y/N too!” The boy screamed and rushed forward.

He stirred in his sleep, waking in an instant as the dream disappeared. A glance outside let him know the moon was still out. He sat up, leaning against the bedframe before reaching for his phone. 4:38am.

After about ten minutes he got up, and throwing on a pair of simple shorts passed into the tile paved bathroom. The cool water refreshed him after his dreadful sleep. He shivered under the water and sighed heavily. Another nightmare about you. A dim sense of having taken part in some strange tragedy came to him once or twice, but there was the unreality of a dream about it.

As soon as he was dressed, Jaehyun went to the rooftop and sat down to the brightness of the starry dark morning. The warm air seemed laden with fresh scents. The silence that surrounded his home added to the beauty of a new day.

The dream was just a spook he reasoned, yet he struggled to accept the reality part of it. Deep down, Jaehyun was already contemplating the possibilities if he chose not to return and help the boy in hospital. He promised to go back today and his nightmare was a glimpse of the consequences he’d encounter if he broke that promise. ___

You awake that same morning to find yourself not in the same room as you usually would be in. The light shade of pastel blue walls which once surrounded your hospital bed now changed into stained dulls of white walls.

The numbness of sleep slowly fades and the first thing that surprises you is the tiny needles poking into your arms. You gasp in a breath only to find nothing coming in and the obstacle of your own dry tongue. The lack of oxygen descending on your mind caused you to panic and in desperation you sucked in another breath. Your body feels heavy as you sit up quickly, your fingers immediately searching for the bed sheets to help you up from your physical laid body.

“What’s going on?” You mumbled, noticing the unusual amount of nurses flooding your surroundings. You look around for anyone familiar, searching for your usual doctor and nurse. There’s a heavy atmosphere looming in the hospital room and you ignore it, exiting the commotion.

“Y/N?”

The voice stopped you from walking further, turning around to face the only person who could see your roaming spirit.

“Jaehyun? What’s going on?” you asked, assuming he knew.

“You- Your body.” He stuttered not sure how to start his sentence “it’s shutting down.”

You paused, falling against the side of the doorway and holding onto the wall for support, “Am I dying?”

#nct fanfics #nct jaehyun #jung jaehyun #nct imagines #nct #btdm #round the robin #collab #beneath the daytime moon #jaehyun fic

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jeagerism · 4 years

Text

i think im lost again

+ word count : honestly idek, ill take a guess at maybe nearly 700-800?

+ characters : levi ackerman, armin arlert, mentions of eruri and eremin (armin and levi r not shipped fuck out of here)

+ warnings : season 3 attack on titan spoilers, mentions of death, modern!au, levi is basically a dad without being a dad (does that make him a dilf??), angst i suppose

+ summary : erwin was always good at this, levi thinks. people stuck to him like glue.

+ author's note : this is just a personal modern!au headcanon that i ranted to a friend abt and decided to make it full out

in modern aus i see eren as looking up to levi, bc he ooks up to him in the manga in some ways, levi cares abt his wellbeing n shit

well armin, since he was chosen to live over erwin, he'd look up to erwin in a modern au

and when erwin dies in that au bc ofc he has to die, armin is still a teenager.

i like to think that they all lived in the same town as kids, and erwin always looked out for armin since he had no one else other than his friends.

he basically lets armin live with him when he's not with eren, who also has no family and sort of couch surfs between jean and sasha - sasha's dad loves eren for whatever reason so he stays there a lot, and welcomes armin and mikasa with him - and so erwin and armin r close

and levi is always around, so he sees armin a lot, even if he takes care of eren more - he lets eren stay at is house on nights when he feels like hes overstayed his welcome at sasha’s.

but levi still cares abt armin bc he sees how erwin cares abt armin and levi is in love with the blond facebook dad

but erwin died when armin is like 15, so he still needs someone to look out for him

and erwin asks levi to do that, bc he trusts him and knows levi would take care of him just like he had

anyways, he asks levi to take care of him and levi does

but armin is a 15 yr old who just lost yet another person who cares abt him

and even tho hes grateful that levi cares for him, he misses erwin so much.

he acts out bc of it bc hes a kid going through trauma and its what kids do. he starts acting even worse than eren and eren is a fucking demon spawn

armin and eren share a room, even tho levi had two empty rooms so they could have their own, and eren has stuff in the other room but armin doesn’t like the dark so eren stays there with him.

and levi isn’t really good at taking care of kids in the traditional way.

he wakes them up every weekday for school by telling them he'll kick their ass if he has to take them himself - but he'll still drive them when it rains or its cold

he doesnt really know how to cook bc erwin always did that, but his notes app is full of recipes erwin always recommended that were easy to follow bc he was always worried that levi always ate too much cold leftovers from days before and noodles

armin knows hot to cook pretty well bc erwin taught him but he enjoys laughing at levi failing at cooking simple shit - he burned water somehow

but levi still tries so its fine

he tries letting armin know hes welcome, and that he can ask for whatever he needs

he'll leave him lunch money on the counter

and when he notices armins jackets getting a little too short around the wrist he drops a new one by his lap when he sits on the couch

he pulls the blanket all the way to his chin if he falls asleep on the couch.

he'll mention he's going to get a haircut when he notices armin's hair getting longer, and says he can go with him if he wants

but armin still acts so off.

before erwin was gone, armin always acted happy, even though he never had much, and levi feels guilty knowing he cant do what erwin did for him, but he's doing this for erwin, and knows erwin wouldnt have put armin in his care in the first place if he didn’t trust him

i see taking care of armin as the task that keeps levi going, just like how killing zeke is what keeps him alive in the anime.

both promises he makes to erwin and wont give up on until he’s fulfilled it

but one day armin just disappears. he doesnt come back after school with eren like usual. so he and levi try calling him and get nothing. eren offers to go look for him and levi tells him to stay safe n waits back home to see if armin will show up there

and he does like 5 mins after eren leaves.

and levi feels his chest just deflate with relief. it was cold outside, and armin was out there alone.

his cheeks and nose r red from being outside for so long

when levi asks where he's been, it comes out harsher than he meant, but its just bc he was worried, and armin rolls his eyes and asks why it matters

levi tells him its bc he's a kid and doesnt get to just disappear without a trace whenever he wants. levi never minded armin doing whatever he wanted - within regulation - but most times he knew eren was with him, or mikasa, someone who would call him if something happened

and armin says “you're not my father.” and starts taking off his jacket and stuff

“yeah, but i am the person who's taking care of your ass.”

and that seems to make armin a little more ticked off than he already was, bc he turns to levi and says, “well i never asked you to do that.”

to which levi replies without thinking, “no but erwin did”

levi and armin never talk abt erwin, ever.

its like an unspoken rule between them. its not that they arent as comfortable with each other - they arent anyways but - they just dont do that, talk abt how they feel abt erwin, and him being gone

armin looks like hes gonna cry before he just says “well i wish it was erwin that was still here instead of you”

ALMOST AS IF HES SAYING HE WISHED IT WAS LEVI THAT DIED INSTEADDD

and levi is suprised that armin would ever, it hurts a little, and he just nods in agreement and says “me too.”

armin doesnt say anything back to it, he just turns and makes his way to his room, slamming the door behind him

and levi is exhausted. in his head he wonders how erwin had done it - balanced college and a job and a fucking teenager

but then he remembers that erwin was erwin, and hed always been good at that type of thing

people stuck to him like glue

thats the first night he lets himself admit that he misses him

he feels like he’s failing at the one thing erwin asked of him

when eren shows back up, levi apologizes for not letting him know that armin had came back

but eren just tells him that armin had texted him when he’d arrived - i have a hc that eren and armin were each others first crushes but uhebdbsi

he tells levi that armin had said hed went to the beach

erwin used to take armin to the beach all the time before he died

he’d collect shells with him, and the ones that armin really liked, he’d give them names

he still has one called smith from the last time erwin had taken him to see the ocean

a few weeks go by after that

they never really talked before, but now it seems almost even worse

the silence that they normally exist in feels empty

but everything felt empty without erwin

eren lets levi know where theyre going to be whenever theyre not home, when theyll be home, etc

levi never asked for him to do that, but he does it anyways

levi’s thankful for the near suicidal maniac at that point

even though he always was

he saw a lot of himself in eren, and he sees a lot of himself in armin too

levi and armin never really apologize to each other, but one night when levi’s attempting to cook, armin walks in the kitchen and watches him place things on a pan

“you’re putting them too close together.”

armin steps beside him and tilts his head to the side, as if hes gesturing for levi to move

and he does, letting the younger and taller boy move the prerolled croissants further away from each other on the baking tray

“they never wouldve cooked all the way through like that,” armin tells him

with a scoff, levi mumbles that he sounds like erwin

armin pauses for a second, before sliding the pan in the oven. levi tells him how long the packaging said they went on so that he can set the oven timer

armin sets it for two minutes longer, and levi’s heart aches

erwin did that, too

“i miss him”

it slips out without him meaning for it to

and he thinks he’s ruined armin’s head again, when he’s supposed to be someone this kid can look up to

but he doesnt leave

armin just leans against the oven and nods “me, too”

after that, things arent bad anymore

sure, it takes awhile for them to completely warm up to each other, but they manage

enough that armin sits in on levi’s cooking sessions just to point out what hes doing wrong - something that helps, bc pretty soon levi is learning

he cooks him, armin, and eren an entire meal without burning anything

eren laughs when armin tells him that the man had forgotten to grab an oven mit and had stuck his entire hand in the oven to grab a pan

levi raises his eyebrow when he notices the way armin blushes at eren’s laugh, of all things

and they talk abt erwin more

they have more to say about him that eren, and its just something the two of them share, so they tend to save it for little moments, tiny snippets of things that remind them of the blond

after about a year, things are good

armin asks to have his 17th birthday at the beach, and who would levi be to say no

levi doesnt particularly like the beach, he detests sand, but its for armin, so he’ll do it

its for his kid

him and erwins kid

at the party, he finds a smile coming to his face when he sees armin actually laughing and having fun

kid had been through too much hell at 17, so he deserved to be happy, even if it was only for a few moments

on their way home that evening, eren and armin passed out from a day of swimming and running on the beach - levi made the both of them bring extra towels to save his car seats from salt water and sand

eren’s head is on armin’s shoulder, and the blond’s is resting atop eren’s head

when they get home, the two of them trudge towards their room, but armin turns and holds his closed fist out to levi

with a raised eyebrow, levi holds his hand out and lets armin drop something into his hand, before the boy pivots and continues his shuffle to his and eren’s shared room

levi glances down at the object in his hand

its a shell

armin names it erwin

#attack on titan imagine #attack on titan #aot #snk #shingeki no kyojin #erwin smith #levi ackerman #armin arlert #eren yeager #snk imagine #aot imagine #shingeki no kyojin imagine #eruri #eremin #aot headcanon #snk headcanon #hc

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wanderrlust0 · 1 year

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okay so we hung out and it went well!! we spent like 3 hours together and we got bubble tea at my fav spot and they were trying it for the first time. they got one with espresso and then added another shot of it lol so i tried it and it was a straight up espresso sip lmao but that was before they shaked it. i got a taro which is my go to drink and they tried it for the first time and said it tasted like trix cereal.. which wasnt that far off tbh lol after they said that i saw what they meant bc it is a pretty sweet flavor and fruity but i love sweet and fruity. we planned to go to this panini place afterwards but we were running short on time and they closed so early so we walked around to figure out where else to eat and we went with burgerology and just got apps that we both couldnt finish and had to take home. also i didnt even realize but our check came and then they like took it to their lap so i couldnt see what they were doing. actually now that i think about it i think they paid online or something.. like how some places have a qr code to pay. bc i dont remember the waitor coming back for it and then i saw the check booklet was empty so i was confused and they said they already paid and i was like what wait ill send you money for my food and they were like no dont worry about it im like wait are you sure! but yeah we talked like a lot there and bc i mean we kind of had to like it was a tiny table of us sitting across from each other. i felt like i was actually pretty talkative and like making good conversation i think. i usually suck with new people and i wont know what to say or keep a convo flowing but idk i felt better with them and i also didnt want the night to suck so i made sure to just be normal lol. i will say they were more shy than i thought theyd be! or like not shy but i guess less outgoing and expressive than i thought theyd be but its also literally the first hangout so i cant think much about it. they were talkative tho too so we didnt have like too much awkward silence and like it def couldve been worse so im glad that we actually were able to click and talk about a bunch of random things. i texted them a little after i got home and mentioned a possible next time where we can actually get the paninis maybe and theyre def down to do that and hang again so:) i really just want like a nice new friend out of all of this. like i already have my group of friends i love but its also nice to make a new friend with someone outside your main group you know. its like we can talk about different things that i wouldnt with other people i guess. so yeah it was fun:D

#journal #mypost

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onf-headcanons · 4 years

Text

Another OFFICE AU aka CEO AU

A/n : Alas its not draft clearing but a brand new work for 2021 (but i still have some drafts as well)XD Hello, did any of you remember an idea dump I dropped for last year Christmas? you could easily guess which was it by tallying the mood board with the idea lists (*winks)

Setting :

1. OFFICE AU 2 , it is a brand new one where ONF member is a young CEO while you are his secretary. So I will name this one as CEO AU

Of course it does not hurt should you wanna imagine it as the already exist office au, using the idea dump posted for 2020 Christmas.

2. ONF MEMBER that I will integrate would be Hyojin and Seungjun as mentioned during the Christmas post, but I wont stop you for imagining other members, thats why in headcanons I will use ONF MEMBER instead their names. (For member X reader scenario)

3. In this headcanon, reader is slightly older than ONF member, maybe 2 or 3 years older. Same age is plausible, then it would be ONF member continued their studies further so they started working late.

ok lets go, beware its long and sorry if it is messy I tried my best to control 2 way storyline, I had fun writing but I know I am lacking much much more than I could notice. total 6k word count (dies)

1-1

• You work as assistant/secretary for the head of department/CEO in company before the young successor joins and his predecessor retires. • Because you tend to separate work life and private life, you established personality to look like ice queen on the outside (reality) but actually passionate carer on the inside (virtually). None of your colleagues knew, only your close friends • You have been using a chat app (not tinder type) for since you started intern, • 1. That app's specialty was anonymous. • 2. Its like a hideout spot where you can share and post whatever you love. (Because there are some co-workers added your FB or Insta and you felt it is a hassle to create another fake account exclusively to add people) • 3. Even though you tried and failed at 1 or 2 virtual relationships with other users, you never despise the thought of online dating. But you do know it’s not realistic so you never take it too seriously (it is also self-protection) • You would post some photos but mostly are just lunch pics, occasionally an outdoor view from your office floor, also some cute stationaries or accessories found on the way back home. (Just adding this trivia for fun linking the universe, maybe you pass by Minkyun’s flower shop as well?) • (It will be funny if your contents was more on sharing random idol pics that you follow, passionately promoting it hence creating a more impact contrast later when revealing) • One day you came across a post asking about what kind of cologne to buy for a predecessor who will be retiring. Being a good Samaritan, you leave a few suggestions under the post and did not really take it to heart, you forgot about it once you see the original author replied "Thanks" • Not knowing that 1 interaction would change your life forever.

1-2 • The next day, your superior announced his retirement and mentioned a young successor will join the company next month. And ONF member being the young successor does make rumors flying around the company, making people questioning his ability as he is related to company board of directors. The department you are in is under top 5 sales/profit bringing, so with a young successor would be inexperienced which might lead to drop of department reputation of course people are going to worry and gossip. • First impression with ONF member is actually ok. Well dressed, good looking and nice manners. The moment he followed his predecessor walks into the office floor, girls starts to make all sorts of gasping noises (lol) • Your superior mentioned that he bought a retirement gift for your superior deep down you approved at the selection of the cologne brand. • You might goes, this guy got sense, not bad. • One night after several days ONF member joined the department/company, you received a PM from a user, thanking you for the cologne recommendation. It took you a while to remember who it was. You politely replied him “You are welcome.” • The user also nonchalantly asked about how you can make such suggestion that pinpoints because by the glance at your profile, first impression could be very much misleading. • You just replied that you happened to know someone at that age who likes that type of scent hence the list of suggestions, what you did was just you taking the liberty to do a lucky guess. • Out of curiosity, you tap at the stranger’s avatar to get a glimpse of his profile, but out of your disappointment, there were no picture of his to know what he looks like. But there are pictures of scenery from places he travelled. • You also noticed that their “joined the app” days are way lesser than you are, quite a new user. • You found a few pictures of places you went before/ places that you want to go. Delighted, you started the conversation asking if he likes travelling and his next travel plans. • The other party replied briefly his plans and his experience during travels, from his words you know that he won’t be travelling overseas for the next 2 years as he had a new job and responsibility to learn. Instead he will be focusing on doing domestic travels. • His words made you reminisce your rookie days and you responded him that you understand him with empathy. You did not pry further but you do give him some encouragement, telling him that things will get better and once he got the hang of it, he will have more time on his own. (Yup at the moment you are thinking he is a freshman or newbie joining new company) • You timidly ask your new chat friend why they decided to join and use the app. He replied, “I don’t really play social media apps and I don’t want anyone to find me online, the anonymous system this app provides mental security for me.” • The reply was so different from those who are playing the app just for flirting and finding a quick date, you replied him, “Same as you.” • The conversation ends by the other party mentions he will need to be early for work and politely wishes you good night. The next morning you found the stranger has added you as friend, without any thoughts you tap on your screen and now you have a new mutual.

1-3 • Back to office, as ONF member is still new towards his scope of work, you would sometimes giving him advise and guides by sharing “What would his predecessor does.” or “What he can do by not violating company policy”. He takes advises well and would always inquire for your suggestion before making any critical decision. • Once he started to get the hang of it, you passed the torch of freedom to him because you are only a secretary/assistant. But he will still come to you, which you felt he was being dependent. (I feel if it is Minkyun, he will be more dependent should the scope of work is totally unfamiliar to him. Tendency of dependent to independent would be Seungjun, Hyojin, Yuto same par as Jaeyoung, Changyoon then Minkyun.) • (Of course sometimes there are some doubt raised regarding to policies and because he sees things in another perspective, you know he meant no harm but sometimes you wish he would just shut up and just follow the policy just for convenience sake+lessen damage. That’s because should any dissatisfaction of decision happens, colleagues will firstly come to interrogate you, hoping you to twist his decision or questioning your ability to lessen the damage done towards merit they/the department holds. AND YOU HATE PLAYING THOSE POWER MIND GAMES, even though the image you impose looked like you are skilled player.) • So there is some sense that being strict is you are trying hard to protect him and protecting yourself. • BTW ONF member, your new superior has a bright personality unlike his predecessor (huge reason is due to the age factor), even though inexperienced in work, he has good be friending skills. So people in the department felt it was less stressful working under him because he would do small talk with his underlings. (This hc is not suitable for Changyoon and Yuto during the beginning, due to their personality they would try but not suddenly initiating small talks on the first week joining.) • IT WILL BE FUNNY IF SOME FEMALE COLLEAGUE TOOK PITY ON HIM BY MENTIONING/GOSSIPING THAT YOU ARE TOO STRICT AGAINST HIM • Its not that you hate him or he does not have the ability to do his work, it’s just when he is standing on the opposing side against company policy it troubles you. • Every time when things like this happens, you would low-key complains by posting status on the chat app, mentioning you don’t hope for an understanding but you would hope those who are not in your shoes would shut up. Your mutuals mostly are office workers as well so resonates with your words. • Your new friend leaves a comment underneath the post you asking if you are doing alright, and hope you do not stress yourself too much. You thanked him for the mental support. • He will even PM you asking if you are doing alright, most of the time you don’t want to lose your cool plus you don’t think it is wise to abruptly rant towards a stranger as if they are emotional sandbag, so you will politely thank him and say that you are alright now. • Since you and your new friend work on the day, you two chat during the night and weekend, getting to know each other in a very casual pace. A bit of child hood and you both also shared your majors in studies. He told you that he used to study at overseas and he picked up hobby of travelling around a bit during those days. • You never turn on the app during lunch (to avoid people finding out) but your new friend does send you some messages during lunchtime. • As you and the new friend get to know each other, there has a few things in common, you two like talking about travels and you two read works by the same author • By the way the new friend is a he. You two are using ID names the whole time during chatting, because you have told him that you are not comfortable giving and knowing each other’s real name. He understands and respects that. • And you confirmed that he is slightly younger than you. Which you replied to him, “Oh my superior is same age as you.” • This new friend gives you a calm and mature vibe even though he is same age as your new superior. You could not help yourself but comparing. • The other party goes: “Wow, he must be a very successfully accomplished youngster.” • You go: “Nah, other than his outgoing personality that brings freshness to the department, he still got lots to learn.” • Your new friend then continues, “Your new superior is a lucky one, I can confidently say that because I have an excellent senior who would always look out for me.” • You respond, “Then you better treat them well.” • And he goes “Of course.”

1-4

• Work is as usual, possible you unintentionally eavesdropping and caught ONF member saying towards you (even better backing you up when some junior colleagues are reverse gossiping about you) : You know, Y/N might look cold and stern sometimes but actually a kind and gentle person. Y/N would always give out advice for the sake of the department/ company. • Cues you would fluster a bit by those words. • A few days later you are done briefing your superior their schedule. And ONF member suddenly ask if you are free for dinner. It’s already his 4th month in the company and wanted to properly thank you for guiding him with patience and prudence. • At first you wanted to decline him because you don’t want to deal with work related stuff after office hours, ALSO you don’t want anyone to start weird gossips. • Another reason is you don’t want to talk about yourself too much in front of your superior. Heck you even avoid your colleague’s invitations for dinner because you value your “me time” very much. • But looking at his anticipating face, you got soft and agreed that a coffee would suffice. ONF member smiles at you suggest both of you to have coffee right now at Starbucks next to your company building. You are free to choose whatever drink you like. • Before both of you leave the room. And then you heard a familiar notification sound, you thought your heart is going to stop, that is the notification sound from the chat app you are using. You did not have your phone with you so it was obvious the sound comes from ONF member’s phone. • And that was a notification alert of the system has found someone nearby and presented to the user. It got you curious and worried at the same time. • At Starbucks, ONF member had to answer a call, so you ordered his drink as well. • Later you see him start replying messages while waiting for orders to be done. You wanted to have a peek at his user name but you are a few steps away and your instinct told you better don’t do that. What if it is already someone you already know? • “Curiosity killed the cat, remember?” You tell yourself. • Once you are at your desk, you took some deep breath to calm yourself and try to remember if you recalled wrongly but truth is you are accurate. You hurriedly checked you phone, there were no new messages and you are sure you have turned off location visibility. Lucky for you it was never turned on to begin with. • You also kind of worried if your superior actually has a “fun” lifestyle after office hours. But, it’s hard to relate him to a playboy image when he looked like a friendly good boy. You shake your head and deny yourself. • “If (ONF member name) uses that app then I will need to be more careful.” you thought while sipping the frappe. So back at home, you started to alter all posts’ visibility to “Visible for mutuals only”. Took you nearly a whole night but better safe than sorry.

1-5 • More weeks pass by peacefully but one day a conflict happened between you and ONF member and some colleagues/minor members of the board. He went ahead to announce that he decides (had a thought) to run a campaign/new rule (maybe a budget cut). The moment he finished his sentences, you know the seniors will not be happy with it. • Later after meeting, you politely confront with ONF member that he should discuss with you before announcing it on meeting. Plus, announcing without any advance preparation will put him and you in an awkward position as verbal announcement are not persuasive enough. Of course you are also worried that people might use this issue to tackle and exploit the cons of both of you being inexperience and young. • “With all due my respect, Mr.(ONF member name), it will be nice if you could discuss with me before dropping that bomb at the meeting.” you try not to sound fierce but your tone clearly does not sound you are cool with his actions at all. • “And later having you lecture me and stop me? You do know it was for the good of the company too right?” He retorts like usual • “Yes but no.” you try to fight back. “ It’s not that easy, there are people need to be dealt with and I don’t think you--” • Before you could finish, ONF member says with an eyebrow raised, “You don’t think I can handle it, because I am still unexperienced.” • You unconsciously frown and thinking, why is he suddenly trying to pick a fight deliberately today? Why is he suddenly trying to piss off seniors in the department/company? • ONF member then with firm tone, gives you suggestion, “Should you have anyone come to you and complain, tell them that you knew nothing at all and request them to talk to me directly instead.” • “I am the CEO, not you.” He adds. • You could not help but sigh, knowing there is not point arguing because he is not going to back down. And deep down you do know the new rule/budget cut will do more merit than harm. (Your focus is more on how deal with seniors employees not him for now because seniors are more pain in the ass compared to him) • But still there are people come to you and bug you while you are working and you can’t tell them to leave you alone hence it stresses you out. • You escape to the bathroom taking your phone with you and vents out at the app by posting a status mentioning you are just trying to do your job and wants a peaceful work days. • You also come across seeing your new friend posting a status prior your meeting time, it’s a photo of frappe you recommended him to try it out. He is thanking you for recommending it. • You could not help but feeling a bit jealous, should your title and work scopes are different/ should you are just normal employee rather than a CEO’s secretary, you might not need to face these kind of stress. • “Guess you have to bear what you signed up for huh?” you thought to yourself after 15 minutes cooling yourself down. • You switched your mind set and step out from bathroom. Returning to your place with your usual ice cold face. You are trying hard not to show that you are weak against stress. You are too immersed at people coming at you asking you questions, without knowing ONF member actually observing you with concerned gaze from his room. • That night, you receive a PM from your new friend asking if you are doing ok, as you never sound that upset before. He said he can lent an ear so you can tell him what happened. You spare him all the intricate details and tell him briefly that your superior made a mess and you need to clean it up also back his plan no matter you like it or not. • The whole progress he did not interrupt you nor tried to tell you what you should do, he let you type all the way until you finished. Once you are done, you asked, “I don’t know what might be up in his sleeves that it’s inconvenient for me to know beforehand but... Isn’t he a jerk, putting me into an awkward situation?” • Your friend backs you up and agrees with you that matters should be discussed, and critiques your superior actually could trust you more. • You thanked your friend for letting you to rant and mentioned you have accepted the fate because of the title and responsibility you hold in the company. That’s being professional and mature in office. • The other party replied that even if that is the case, he hope you don’t stresses yourself too much as it seems your new superior still needs your guidance and support. • You playfully replies, “Well I am not his babysitter XD, he will need to face a lot of issues by his own someday.” • “Why is that?” • “Well I can’t always be by his side though? I might get married and resign.” you reveal your future plans to your new friend, “Moreover, even I don’t resign, I might take pregnancy leave though?” • The other party comments, “I never thought you had that planned out.” • And he continues, “Your profile gives out the ‘I love my job so much.’ vibe” • You then back up your point by saying you do want that plan to work but too bad you are single now, so of course you are going to focus on your job more. Plus, you do not plan to find a partner in work place anyways. • The new friend leaves more supportive words and hoping it will cheer you up. By the end of the conversation, he also offers that you can come to him and rant should you need an ear. • You grin at his words and felt warm towards his actions. Rarely any of your mutual actually PM to check up on you. “Maybe he was just being nice.” you thought before you wish him good night.

1-6 • The next day, you are being summoned by your superior the first thing in the morning. He passes you a pile of documents and requests you to go through it. It a proposal regarding to the budget cut/new rule and he hope you can be his ally. His gaze is not as firm as yesterday, but it’s more of seeking approval and acknowledgement from you. • You let out a sigh and mutters, “You know, should you have hand this to me beforehand the situation won’t be that ugly.” And then you start to flip the pages. • “Sorry.” He apologizes. “But I really want to make it work. It’s also a handover work by my predecessor.” • “You look up upon him too much, ONF member, he is a sly fox just like the other seniors.” You do not mean to back stab but you are telling the truth. “Has it never come to your mind why he did not initiate the plan when he is here and requested you to initiate it when he is gone?” • “I know. But this move is going to benefit the company; I am willing to bear responsibility.” ONF member adds • You stop reading and look at your superior in the eye, “You better hope this work though, I don’t want my 5 months effort of guiding you goes to waste. And I hate the idea that I need to re- adjust my pace with a new superior.” • ONF member gets your intentions behind your words; he swiftly stands up from his chair and thanked you. “I owe you big one, Y/N. Another cup of coffee to thank you for reals?” • “No thanks, I will be busy. Next time.” You feel uncomfortable because the social distance between you two seems shortened, so you politely decline. • Luckily the whole budget cut/new rule policy worked out fine and by year end, benefits shows. You and ONF member can finally relax a bit knowing that you both have won the fight.

1-7 • Meanwhile, you did not stop interacting with your recent favourite friend. As you two got to know each other even more, both of you chat almost every day during the night. He never bores you and he can understand most of the topic you bring up. You are amazed that how can someone has so many things in common? • It spikes your curiosity and you ask him if a wonderful person like him has a partner in real life. He answers you that he is single, just like you are. • (You thought he is lying because he is such a nice guy, but of course you do tell yourself not to 100 percent trust everyone online) • Then he asks your opinion about online virtual dating. You honestly told him about your experience. But you added that even though you failed twice/thrice, you are not against it. • And that moment, you don’t know what has gotten into you, you playfully type, “You are asking my opinion on that as if you are preparing yourself” • “Prepare for what?” he asks • “To get yourself an online girlfriend.” You reply. • His respond reads, “Yes I am.” • “That’s wonderful. That girl you will be confessing is a lucky one.” • “Yea, indeed you are.” • You pause for a moment when you saw the message. • “Wait, you serious? ME??” you quickly send him the message because you thought should you hesitate longer, the mood will turn awkward. • He replies you by sending you a heart emoji. • You give a quick thought, well it is interesting chatting with him and he does seem nice. Plus, it’s online anyway, you could call it off should he becomes toxic and annoying like your previous experiences. • “I wasn’t sure if you are ok with someone like me. “He continues. “I am fine if you want to call it off should you found someone in real life later on.” • “Don’t be silly, that should be my line.” You retort him. • And then you have it, another secret. You have an online boyfriend now. You both even declared each other as a pair of soulmate publicly on the app. But you two did not exchange selfies, keeping the relationship virtual and anonymous. • However you two always share interesting stuffs happen on daily. New book, new cd, a random shot of a puppy or cat you met on the street. • Also before year end, you overheard girl colleagues gossiping about your superior has a girlfriend now; you are not interested at his private life so you just let it slide. • But you did briefly mention it to your boyfriend. Not in a gossip tone, more of a life update share. • Of course there are some girl colleagues that are ok with you comes to you, hoping you leak some information about ONF member’s rumoured girlfriend. But of course you know nothing at all, leaving them with disappointed answer. • Fast forward to the week before Valentine’s Day. It is also 10th month since ONF member joins the company. • Out of the sudden, your online boyfriend suggests you two to meet up. You are not against it, and it’s not like you never met anyone you know from the app. Thinking why not knowing a new friend in real life, you agreed his offer. (Also because you are curious what he looks like so that you can understand why he was single before dating you) • You even inquired his preference in chocolate and promise bringing him some on official first date. • Your boyfriend thanks you and suggests a place for dinner. You knew that place, it’s expensive and you could not help but wondering if he is trying hard to match you. (You still thinks he is just a normal employee in a company) • But, your boyfriend only replies: “Don’t worry, it is the perfect spot, I could not think of others that are suitable to our taste.” • You can only acknowledge it because you don’t want to have an argument to blow up but deep down you could not help yourself to start doubting again. • “It’s going to be Ok, right?” you question your decision, but it’s too late.

1-8 • On Valentine’s Day, younger female colleagues in your office give out chocolate treats to younger male colleagues as friendship presents, some of course using the occasion to confess. • You don’t have the habit of presenting chocolate treats as a token of friendship appreciation at the office. But you are giving your date chocolate treat later; you hid yours in your bag carefully scared of being teased should anyone saw it. • ONF member gets some too. One female colleague even teases him if he is going to get chocolate from his girlfriend. And ONF member replies that he might get it later that night. • Of course ONF member will asks you for chocolate treat with an innocent face, you just bluntly tell him that you don’t have the habit to give out chocolate treats, he only pouts after listening to your respond. • By the way today you unintentionally changed your makeup (lipstick or eyeshadow). No one dared to make any comments but not your superior, ONF member. • He goes: “Y/N ah? Did something good happen on you? Are you going to a date tonight?” • You are typing quick report and his words caught you off guard. You flinched at his words. Hoping ONF member did not notice, you quickly lied by telling him simply ran out of your usual makeup colour. • But your superior teases you a bit, “Aww, I was hoping I could attend your wedding in near future. “ • You have gotten used to his socializing pattern, so you counter him by asking if he is going to bring his girlfriend to have a nice dinner at a grand restaurant. • And to your surprise, he revealed the place he will be having dinner with his partner. It’s the same place where you are heading to later. He had a special room booked exclusively for tonight’s date. • “Oh, Oh… Have fun and enjoy your dinner.” You force yourself to break a smile. • ONF member only smirks at you and gives you a few pats on your shoulders and says he will have an unforgettable night before returning to his room. Leaving you questioning the meaning of his actions that are unpredictable but also definitely intentional. • Of course you had a quick thought asking your boyfriend if it is possible to change location, you could not bring yourself to ask as you are worried you might sound rude/arrogant trying to change plans on the last minute. You deduced that since ONF member will be having dinner in a room, you might not going to bump into him. You and your boyfriend can just finish dinner quickly. • You could not have that bother you too much time because you need to finish your report so that you can leave on time. Once it reaches the end of office hours, the others started to leave. You made up a plan to leave after ONF member leaves the office. You keep raising your gaze to have a slight peek towards your superior’s room. • Seeing him finally standing up from his chair and adjusting his suit. You can tell he is finally leaving. He passes through your desk and asks, “Y/N ah, please don’t tell me you are planning to work overtime during this special day?” • You only smiles and tell him you are going to finish soon, “Don’t you have a dinner to attend?” you remind him without looking at him, acting as if you are typing the remaining contents of your report. • “Yea I do. See ya.” ONF member waves you goodbye. • You leave the office after 10 minutes. (As for method of transport to the restaurant, I will leave it to your choice.)

1-9 • You reach the building of the restaurant. You let out a sigh, hesitating to step in nonchalantly knowing ONF member is inside there as well. The least thing you definitely do not want to happen is ONF member finding you having a dinner date tonight. It’s embarrassing and it will break the balance of your work and private life. • While you are pacing in front of the building with hesitation, you receive a chat notification from the app. You open it and it was your boyfriend, notifying you that he has arrived, and he reminds you the restaurant located at 38th floor. • You nervously bite your lower lip knowing it’s too late and it is rude of you to cancel the date on last minute. He was a decent person to chat with and you don’t want to lose a good friend. You are blaming yourself for agreeing to attend this date too casually. And you also find yourself way too wary of your virtual boyfriend’s thoughts towards you should you now called him to cancel the date. • Then you heard a familiar voice called out your name and you turn your head towards the voice unconsciously. It’s ONF member, walking out from the building. You flustered and panicked by just imagining scenarios of him asking why you are here and other many more questions. • “OMG…. Shit shit shit….!” You cursed in your head, regretting your life decisions. Recalling the entire chat context between you two, this might be the worst thing ever to happen in your life. • He is grinning while reaching out to grasp your hand. You unintentionally try to back away from him but he was faster. You tried to pull your hand away but he pulls you toward him instead. You nearly bumped towards his chest. • “Y/N ah, I told you its 38th floor; you did not get my message?” ONF member asks as his smirks widens. • As he finished his words, you only look at the young guy in front of you with disbelief, processing his words. Seeing you froze due to the big plot twist, ONF member taps you on your forehead hoping to unfreeze you. • “It can’t be…You are (ONF member’s ID in the app)?! “You exclaim. • “Yeap.” He responds. • “Impossible…How?” you ask. “How did you know it was me?” • “At first I had my doubt when I first saw an old post of yours. You shot a sunset pic from our office floor by the window near the lift right?” he returns with another question. And man he is good at remembering details. • “Then I confirmed that it was you by the time I announced budget cut/new rules for the company/department. ” he explains • “I…” You could not bring yourself to say anything, but you are not an idiot, “(ONF member name), did you risked your reputation in the company just to find out a stranger’s real identity?” • “No, I did not, I swear. I initiated the plan to suddenly announce the budget cut because I want to find out which board seniors will make a move to cover up themselves, as requested from my predecessor.” He knows you well to sense that you are angry, and he quickly denied. “I only know it was you when I checked up on you. Since then I have been dropping so many hints for you to realize, but it seems like you are the dense one here.” • You can tell he is telling the truth. • “This is absurd…” you mutter while placing your hand on your forehead. • ONF member let out a sigh and he shifts behind you, places his hands on your shoulders then pushes you forward. “Come on, I am starving we can talk about it later, you did not had a decent meal during lunch as well right?” • He is right, you only had a mini croissant during lunchtime.

• You follow him without a word to the entrance of the building and enter the lift to 38th floor. ONF member has booked a nice room that both of you can enjoy the city’s night view.

1-10 • It was a luxurious dinner but you are not in the mood enjoying it. In fact you are so stressed that you could not even taste your food. You did not touch your dessert at all. • You only quietly trace the shape of wine glass in front of you while looking at the night view, hoping the night to pass quickly. • “You are not happy with me being your date, Y/N?” he suddenly asks. • You jolted and you finally look at him in the eye for the first time tonight. • “You startled me, I am still trying to grasp the situation here.” You reply him with a low voice, trying to act calm by casually bring your drink closer to you and hydrates your throat. • “Hey Y/N-ah, I know you mentioned before that you don’t like the idea of dating someone from the office, but…” his eyes are fixed on you. “I like you. Not just the virtual you, but also the real you.” • “I called you a jerk.” You know you should not bring it up, but you still did. • “Which I did act like one so, no hard feelings.” He accepted. “I am truly sorry about that, I was trying to prove myself way too hard.” • Now it got awkward since he apologized without any complaints. You don’t know what to say and avert your gaze again. • “You know, Y/N ah, when you are stressed, you tend to avoid other people’s eye contact. “he breaks the silence. “And you are doing that ever since you reached here.” • Upon hearing his words, you flinched and exchange eye contact with the young man sitting in front of you. • “And oh, and you flinch as well.” He adds, “Which is very adorable in my opinion.” • “(ONF member’s name), I …” you try to explain yourself but he cuts you off. • “It alright, you don’t have to push yourself, I have made you stressed out way too much today.” ONF member smiles at you while saying based on what he observed. • He finally stands up and offers to send you home. You could not decline him because you felt terribly sorry for ruining such as nice date. • “I am sorry, should it is another girl, it will be a terrific night for you.” You apologized before leaving his car. • “Don’t worry; it is an unforgettable night for me.” He responds with his usual smile. • Back at your place, you are frustrated that the night ended up in an awkward and weird way. You only noticed that you did not get to hand him the chocolate treats as promised. • You cannot sleep that night, gazing at the chocolate treats as you holding the package in your hands. You cannot tell if you messed up or you are lucky that he happened to like you. • You wanted to consult a random mutual of yours but you hesitated. Because at this point you are not sure if you actually have the full grasp on the situation. And you don’t want a biased reply. • “It’s just this boyfriend of yours happened to be him, I guess?” you murmur to yourself. But that did not clear up your mind enough for you to make any decision towards the situation. • Several days passed, ONF member did not send any message to you in the chat app. He acted like usual back in office, but it does not look like he has any intention to talk about what happen between you two either. • (The problem is you cannot look at him in the eye) • You are troubled if you should initiate the first move. It’s not like you hate him, you never did in the first place, it’s just he annoys you sometimes. • Then you overheard ONF member having small talk with colleagues, and they ask about his Valentine’s Day. He only replies it was an unforgettable night and he is glad that he is able to meet his girlfriend, it was better than never meeting her at all.

1-11 • From his words, you gain a bit of courage and decided to make your first move. • The next day you arrived at the office earlier than usual, you take out something from you bag and places small gift box on ONF member’s desk. The small box has a memo attached to it. • You hurried back to your desk, acted as if nothing happened while the office starts have more and more colleagues coming in. ONF member arrives later on and he greets you before heading in his room. • You take some quick glances, making sure ONF member notices your belated Valentine’s day gift. • He did noticed and read the memo you attached, then he made a confused look but he adjusts his facial expression immediately as he sees you stood up from your place. • You head to his office room to brief his morning schedule. Like usual, you step into his room, closes the door and starts the briefing. ONF member stares at you with a puzzled expression while sitting on his chair. • Once you done your part and you ask him if he has any schedules to add into the list, he places the gift box into your view and pushes it towards you. • “What do you mean by this?” he inquires. • “I promised you chocolate for Valentine’s day, sorry I was late.” You purposely answer him the wrong information. “ Don’t worry I made a brand new ones.” • “You know I meant this.” He pulls out the memo has his eyes fixed on you. • The memo wrote, “(ONF member’s ID), Let’s call it off --- (Your ID)” • “That’s how it is.” You tried not to break into a smile, you are getting your revenge and this is fun. “You are the one who said you are fine to call it off if either one of us found someone in real life right?” • ONF member pauses for a moment, his eyes wandering then he admits he did say that. • “Well you found someone in real life, so there is not point for us to continue virtual dating on the app anymore right?” you slightly let out a victorious smirk as you ask him. • ONF member finally gets what you mean and he let out a smile. He puts down the memo and pushes himself up from his chair and walks towards you. • Thankfully the design of his room is made up of walls, once the wooden door is closed; no one knows what happens inside. • “So, you are fine with us dating in real life then?” You can feel his breath as he is only one step away from you. This time you are not going to back away and you look at him straight in the eyes. • “I will need to adjust a bit. You have a problem with me being your girlfriend?” you reply with him with another question. • ONF member unconsciously let out another smile, he quickly hides it with his hand, “No, not at all…” and those were the words you can hear coming out from him • “That settles it then.” You widen your grin towards him before turning around ready to leave his office. • But you are being pulled back by a pair of arms. Your back come contact to his chest area. He is hugging you from behind you. • “Seriously, I don’t get you.” He low key complains. “I thought you are going to hate me for real this time.” • “I was going to, you did not texted me and you acting like nothing happened after that night.” You pout as you explain to him. “I thought I have ended my career the moment you told me who you are. And who would have thought a decent CEO would date someone randomly they met in a online chatting app?” • “I am sorry; I thought leaving you unbothered for some time so that you don’t get stressed out.” You could tell from his tone he does feel apologetic. He never sounds like that before during work.

• "But I am dead serious on trying to start a proper relationship with you that’s why I suggested for us to meet up.” he continues. “Glad you felt the same.”

• You freed yourself from his hug and turn to him. • “Now listen, (ONF member’s name), as we are professionals, I do hope you understand that there is a clear line between work and private life.” You remind him. “Just because we are dating now, does not mean that I am going to let you off easily if you messed up during work, ok?.” • “Man, I don’t think I will ever win you huh?” ONF member only look at you affectionately and continues, “As you wish, my beloved assistant/secretary.”

A/N : the concludes for this oneshot headcanon fic should there are more ideas I might write a continuation about this pair for a part 2. Also thinking of linking the universe with MInkyun Florist AU, just a maybe.

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blacklist-account · 3 years

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I'm abandoning this blog.

To be fair, I abandoned it months ago, but I feel like a closing statement would help clear some shit up.

Some notes relevant to this blog: In case anyone needed these things clarified. I am Jewish, I am trans, and I was assigned female at birth. I am also strictly against use of slurs towards those that have not reclaimed them, or do not want them used anyways. However, I call myself Queer and am perfectly fine with that label.

This was a blog I made to yell at some ableist* comment, I forgot what it was and I don't care to check. I continued using it to yell at other people who were firm in their stances and couldn't give two shits about me, because it made me feel like I was at least doing something useful. *Ableist: discrimination of and social prejudice against people with disabilities Eventually, people did reply, I got into fights, and that lasted for a while. I kept getting into losing fights, kept accepting that people hate what I am and they must be justified because look at all these people yelling at me! It must be because what I am is inherently bad and not because I keep picking fights with idiots on the internet! (sarcasm) Anyways, that went on for a few months. I got suicidal, as you do when you run a page dedicated to screwing your mental health up the ass and out the mouth, and luckily the most I ever did was some not-quite-hospital-worthy injuries. (I won't go into further detail for the sake of not upsetting anyone reading this.) And after a pretty nasty chain of doxxing, threatening to send dangerous shite in the mail, and other commendable and respectable actions from the specific terfs that messaged me (Again, im just too lazy to check this. Also i dont want to look at this blog ever again, sue me ok?) I decided to force myself to take a break. I deleted tumblr app all dramatic-like and made a spectacle of moving to twitter, very cathartic btw! I do recommend being dramatic in a healthy way. Now it's been a while, I'm doing a lot better and loving myself a whole lot more. I've been eating better, I've got 3 kittens now, I'm finally making more IRL friends, and I've put more work into my hobbies and into my job. I feel more accomplished and happier, basically! And jesus christ, thank god I made this blog as an adult. If I was pulling this shit when I was 16 I would quite literally be dead right now. Teen me would have bit the bullet far earlier, cheers for me being late to making drama blogs! Haha.. ha. Honestly, the fact so many of these types of blogs are ran by people under 25 terrifies me. You have so much more you could be experiencing right now and this kind of shit is what you want sucking up your time? Like, for real, this can't be making people genuinely happy. And if it is, buddy I have news for you! That's not normal!! Please genuinely consider talking to someone you trust about it. Taking joy from being hurt or from hurting others can be a sign of issues you might want to start addressing. This is not sarcastic, addiction to drama is a genuine crisis. Please look into finding other outlets for whatever it is that makes you want to start or engage in fights with people you know already wont agree with you. Anyways, if anyone read this whole thing, uhh thanks? Cheers? How do i end this, bye forever? That sounds too morbid... I'm not dying, I'm just moving on Actually I think I got it, I'm going to go be happy, I'm going to go love, and I'm going to go make memories while I still have the time. You're welcome to join me ❤️

#callout #callout post #blocklist #blacklist #drama #idk #whatever tags i used to use #did i tag things on this account?#who knows #anyways stop reading these!! the post is over!#go home #and watching something you enjoy #if youre reading this far now you have to do what i say #deal?#ok deal you accepted it #now #go commit self care you beautiful son of a bitch

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angstew · 4 years

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How to have a baby during COVID-19 pt 2-The roller coaster of pregnancy

And so it began. The roller coaster of pregnancy. The first & only pregnancy I’ve experienced. In the middle of a pandemic. While barely sober enough to be done detox. What a combo. But I was determined to break the stereotype. I would not endanger my unborn child, I would not resort to my selfish & reckless ways. I would do something different. And then reality hit, and I felt the whole emotional rainbow at once, and then felt guilty for some of the ways I felt, shameful, like I didn’t deserve to have a child with the thoughts I was having. In case you’re not familiar with addiction & recovery, there is no cure. I know it’s a controversial subject(my favorite kind) but in my experiences it is NOT a choice, it is NOT curable, and the biggest argument starter it seems, I was born this way. Example, when I was younger & I discovered skinny jeans, I bought every different color of the same pair....when I found a song or a band I liked, that’s all I listened too until my mom finally had enough. You get the idea. Anyway, so that being said, some of the thoughts that swirled around my head in the early stages of the pregnancy included “just do one” “noone would know” “the baby will be fine just once” “I wont be a good mom anyway so why not just do what everyone expects” I am proud to say, that I did not use during my pregnancy, and still haven’t to this day but I do not judge women that do, it’s heartbreaking how sad but real that struggle is. And I was so embarrassed to share those thoughts, because I felt like I shouldn’t be having them. More about that later...

Okay, so now I’m pregnant, my fiance & I live in a recovery house, we were both just laid off of work, and I mean within 1.5 months of finding out, we were both jobless, and I was absolutely petrified. This may be TMI, but I have always been afraid of the dentist & the OBGYN, so getting poked, prodded, and having a human being come out of there mortified me. So, I did what anyone in this society does-google. I downloaded every single pregnancy app, I googled every single movement, feeling, question & thought I could think of. I was determined to be good to this baby, to undo all the wrong I had done through my life. My fiance turned into the baby whisperer, talking to my stomach before this baby was even the size of a kidney bean. It was beautiful. Thank GOD for the PUA money, because without that we probably would’ve had this baby in a recovery house....just kidding, but seriously we would’ve been living with family & not able to bond as a little unit. While I was out of work though, I tried to use the time to read, learn & eat as much as possible. The first 4 months all the baby wanted was nachos, until one long awful night filled with vomit, diarrhea & lots of tears, I didn’t go near Mexican again. After that, it was hot wings. I started eating mayo on sandwiches (which I HATED), ate eggs every morning(also wasn’t a big fan), whatever that baby wanted to eat he got, my fiance made sure of it. And I can’t forget the famous pregnancy pillows. A true must have. My fiance’s dad got me a C shaped pillow & my fiance became as obsessed with it as I was. I would fold this thing up in it’s little portable bag & drag it back & forth between my house & my fiance’s just to get some comfort...& so my fiance could get a little snuggle with it here & there. So as soon as I started getting used to being pregnant, and started to embrace all the changes, I became a house manager for 10 women, which means a glorified babysitter- giving drug tests, monitoring chores, enforcing rules, which would be fine if people want to get sober, but this particular group wasn’t there. So it was very difficult, and honestly, I didn’t give as much attention & effort as I should have, but I was determined to try and help as much as I could, while juggling all of my own things. Needless to say, around 7 months pregnant I had to step down. The drama, the running back & forth between spending time with my fiance & having to deal with house shit became too much. All I wanted to do was be with the father of my child & experience every little thing with him.

Okay, so I know I’m jumping around, and for that I apologize, pregnancy brain is a real thing & 7 months postpartum it’s still alive and well. So, I finally got the courage to tell my mom about the baby. She was the last one I told, and the one I was most afraid to tell. My mom & I have always been incredibly close, she’s been the most amazing support that I could ask for. But I knew before telling her what she’d say...”are you crazy” “this is NOT the time to have a baby” “you are being so irresponsible” and it actually ended up going WORSE than I imagined. We barely spoke for months, and when we did, there was so much tension, so many things unsaid & so many unshared feelings you could literally FEEL it in the air. It was absolutely terrible. It was the hardest part about the pregnancy for the most part. She finally started to come around right before we moved into our apartment, because I think she realized she didn’t want to lose out on her daughter & her life. I was moving into my first apartment, yes at 27, finally moving into my first apartment, I was getting bigger & more exciting things were happening with the baby, I was finally growing up & starting this beautiful life & I think my mom realized she would miss out if she didn’t put aside her feelings and just be my mom. I still am so grateful for the moment she came around, because I didn’t really have anyone to talk too, woman wise. Sure, I could ask the older women at the house, or people I knew, but it’s not the same as MY mom. I wanted to be able to ask her the gross, embarrassing questions I didn’t even want to acknowledge were happening to me. “What do I do about the horrible acne I have?” “What makes this gas go away?” “Will I poop on the delivery table?!” “What happens if the baby comes out & I’m not ready to be a mom yet?” Questions only a mom can answer. Thank God for moms.

So as I said earlier, at about 7 months, we finally were able to move into our own apartment, and I was ecstatic. I could sleep with my fiance AND my pregnancy pillow at the same time. I could fill my refrigerator with whatever me & my fiance(AKA my fiance & the baby) wanted, and most importantly, we could start getting ready for this baby. We could give him a HOME. Decorate the different rooms, get the nursery ready, we could settle down, relax & wait for this baby to make his grand appearance. It was just one less thing to be stressed about, we had somewhere to bring this new little guy too, we could be together & we could pack for the hospital...something I waited until about 8 months 1 week to do....

After we finally settled into our new place, I noticed the famous swelling of the hands & feet, only this was not normal. And unfortunately, the hospital that I was going too for prenatal care was ALWAYS slammed, it was during COVID so the doctors wanted to be in & out, it was someone different every time & I felt like nothing I said was heard or more importantly, taken seriously. So when I started complaining about the swelling, without even looking at it, it was dismissed as normal swelling, and I was told I was fine. I was starting to go for weekly stress tests as well after my appointments and THERE was when the preeclampsia was discovered. Not at my OB appointment, where they’re supposed to be physically checking me and making sure I’m okay. Where I complained of swelling, headaches, fatigue, which are all red flags. Anyway, at 8 months 2 weeks, I went for an OB & stress test appointment. As usual the OB said everything looked great, HA. I went down for my stress test, found out my BP was 145/90, after taking it 4 times it was determined I had preeclampsia & would be admitted immediately for delivery. It was hands down the most terrifying thing in my life(at that moment, because it got much scarier in the next few days) Because of COVID, my fiance wasn’t allowed in the appointments with me, so when I found out I was staying, I called him in a meltdown, while begging the nurses to let him come up. And so began the most traumatic, excruciating, beautiful, breathtaking week of my life...the induction of Oliver. (yeah, you read that correctly, a WEEK)

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the-shiftshop · 4 years

Text

Hey Diary - Part 2

PART 1 of the Hey Diary Series

Monday came and I can finally experience my new life at school. It’s been about 3 days since my transformation from a total nerd into this campus crush, and my last usage of that Diary App in this phone. My heart is beating fast at the thought of how people would think of me in this new body. I’m super excited yet nervous of what may happen.

You see, I may have gained this heavenly figure and this new reality, but I did not get any memories for it. I have no idea who my new friends are. Still, I need to get to school and I should at least try and keep an act until I know what the heck is supposed to happen, but before that, I need to keep my online fans updated. I took a snap of myself in the mirror and posted it on my feed, then I went straight to school.

Stepping into the gate already gave a new feeling. Everyone was looking at me and every time I look back, they would shy away. There were other people who waved at me but I have no idea who they were.

I went to my locker to grab my stuffs for our first class. As I do so, I saw Keith on the other end with his friends, Peter and Tom, glaring back at me.

He have my phone in his hand. It’s still the same bully but without his daily routine of pushing my face to my locker door. He walked pass me taunting me with my phone, then proceeded into our room.

I bit my lips in annoyance. Guess, I still have to deal with this guy.

“Heeeeeeey, Felix.”

Someone tapped my shoulder and I jumped on my place. “Ah-” I almost screamed.

“A little jumpy today, aren’t we?” The guy asked as I turned around.

I was kinda expecting it was Keith but when I looked, It was Alex, my new friend. Well actually, he’s supposed to be my friend since the first day in this school, but in this new reality. I remembered his name because he was the one who kept bugging me last Saturday night in my DMs. He has a bit stocky body, but its not that bad. He wears thick square glasses that enlarges his deep black eyes. If I could comment, I’d say he’s almost the same level as my old body but that’s only basing on his looks. As for what I saw in his timeline, he’s not really that kind of a nerd. He barely even studies and complains on his feed too much. He’s a very friendly guy in my class, actually, but that didn’t make him an easy target for Keith.

He smiled at me and was sucking in air as if he’s trying to pull some question out his chest.

“You’re bout to ask something?” I raised my eyebrows and he nodded.

“Well... Apparently there’s this thing online... It’s uh...” He kept cutting his words, hesitating to ask me something.

I guess I know what it was. I gritted my teeth and looked away.

“Lemme guess. There’s a rumor spreading about me, right?” I said.

“Well... Yeah...”

“Damn, dude. Whatever that may be, do you think I’ll do that?” I said. My body cringing when I tried to act cool and say “dude”. “Anyway. Let’s just get in class”

We started walking to our classroom door. He kept on talking to me, mostly about trying to workout to get rid of his belly. I also learned that he happened to befriend me because he thought I could give him a few advice in working out.

When we entered the room, everyone was also looking at me. Not with disgust but admiration. Everyone said hi to me except Keith and his crew who were laughing to themselves.

“Yo faggot.” Keith called me. “Did you get your morning suck today?”

He and his crew laughed louder. Where did they get that from? I never wrote that in my old phone? I furrowed my eyebrows at that thought. They’re probably just making things up without really basing on my old diary.

“Hey idiot. Do you think anyone’s gonna believe that?” A girl raised her voice at Keith.

“Well, I don’t know. Why don’t you ask Felix himself if what I’m saying ain’t true.” Keith laughed, making everyone look more annoyed than myself.

I sat down to my chair with Alex now sitting beside me. Our first professor went in and began his lectures. As for me, I was busy tinkering with the Diary App. If the Diary App helped me last time, I bet it can help me more today.

With my eyebrows still furrowed, I began to stealthily type without the teacher noticing.

Monday

Hey Diary,

I wish whatever that thing about me that Keith and his crew tried to spread would backfire to them.

I tried to save this in hope that the changes would happen immediately, but a pop up appeared.

ALERT: Input too short

I tried to type again but this time, I tried to lengthen my sentence. Still, the alert kept appearing.

I heard our professor clear his throat and my attention jumped to him. He caught me using my phone. I smiled and chuckled.

“Phone.” He said, pointing to me.

“Yeah, I’m sorry Mr. Dew. I-”

“Put it back to your bag, now.” He ordered and I quickly followed.

I was lucky enough that it didn’t get confiscated. I put my attention back to his lectures and jotted down notes.

Why wont my log work though? What does it mean by “Input too short”? Whatever it is, I might need to fix that when I have free time. I shouldn’t go back to that in class or I might lost my new phone too.

Lunch break. I was with Alex in the cafeteria. Some other girls wanted to sit with me but Alex kept on telling them that he seats are taken. He would eventually chuckled at me and ask if I never get tired of people following me anywhere I go. I would just laugh back, remembering that this is my first day in this new life. As I tried to take a bite on my food, I saw Keith his friends across the cafeteria. He was still looking at me. Glaring at me. I then looked away, showing a bit of annoyance again. I then pulled my phone out my pocket and came back to my Diary App.

Input too short, huh? Well let’s put all our hearts in this log.

Monday

Hey Diary,

Keith and his friends are spreading fake news about me again, although I have no idea on what that is about. They might’ve been spreading news about me being gay or a cocksucker. Whatever that may be I don’t think I can’t stand them this time. I’d be fine if they spread something real about me, something I’d be too guilty to fight back, but if they spread something I never did, I might not get a grip of myself.

I wish whatever they told everyone would backfire to them. I wish Keith and his friends would live the rumor they had spread.

I clicked saved and went back to my food, but as soon as I try to bite, my vision started to blur once more. Alex seemed to notice what’s wrong and tried to shake my shoulders while calling my name in panic. I tried to shake my head and blink fast but it made me lost my sight much faster. Soon, I blacked out once more.

I groggily opened my eyes and rose up where I was lying. Then I realized I was back in my bedroom. It was night time and my lights were dim. I looked to my right and saw dad sitting on my chair.

“Dad?” I called.

“Oh you’re awake! This friend of yours called me to school telling me you passed out. The nurse said you probably ate something bad and passed out. You were puking hard in the clinic this afternoon and I was super worried. I thought I’m gonna lose you too...”

“Dad. I’m okay. Don’t worry.” I tried to comfort him.

“I’m glad you are...” He came to me and gave me a hug.

“Is Alex still here?” I asked.

“Alex? Oh, well... It wasn’t Alex who helped you. He probably coward out when you fainted and-”

“Wait? Then who-”

Before I ended my question, someone entered the room.

“Keith?” I looked at him with confusion. He was carrying a glass of milk and some cookies which were probably from my dad.

He looked at me back with this dumb grin on his face and put his glass on my table. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I’m just gonna leave you two be. Enjoy that cookie, Keith.” Dad went out my room, leaving me and Keith alone together.

My eyes widened at the sight of Keith. Out of all people, Keith was the one to help me? I puffed out air in disagreement. I just looked away from him as he munch on his cookie. He then pulled a chair and dragged it near my bed. He first finished his food before he talked to me.

“Dude. I just can’t leave you dying there. I saw everyone just standing around you. Admiring you instead of actually helping you.”

“Like I should believe you. Alex could’ve tried to help me.”

“Alex? Dude was so paranoid he can’t even dial your dad.”

We were silent for a while as I try to ignore him. I grabbed a schoolbook from my nightstand and pretended to read, wishing him to go away.

“Felix. I know I did a LOT of bad things that not only affected your physically, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t help you when you need it.” I noticed that his tone was a lot different than how he used to talk to me. “And... I just wanna say I’m sorry.”

I closed my book hard at those words. He’s actually apologizing...? He grabbed my arm and shook it slowly.

“Could you take my apology?” I pleaded.

“What do you want? Is this some sort of a prank? What? Are you trying to film me and use this for blackmail? Where’s your camera?”

“Felix can you just listen to me? Do you think I’ll go this far just to bully you?”

“Yeah? Why not? Just tell me what you want and let me go for fuck’s sake.”

“Let me suck your dick.”

My eyes widened. Bigger than what I did when I saw Keith enter my room. Did he just ask me to let him suck me off? I whipped my arm to make him let go. I looked at him with my face clenching. What he said just made me mad.

“Fuck off Keith. I’m not gonna be a part of your show. Get rid of your camera and get out.”

He shook his head and laughed. His laugh isn’t those typical sinister sounding one that you’ll hear when villains get exposed for their crimes. It was more of a sad chuckle when someone gets rejected. He reached for something in his jacket’s right pocket. From there he pulled out my old phone and gave it to me.

“If there was a hidden camera here, what would I use it for? To stain my reputation too? I’m sucking you off then what? Tell everyone that: Hey guys! Felix let me suck his dick! Dude... I'm the one desperate here.” He tried to convince me. His eyes looked different from before. There were stars in his them. There’s seriously something wrong. “Do you still think I’ll go this far just to ruin you more? I’m sorry if I spread false rumor about you. I’m really sorry... Now if you still can’t accept my apology, I guess this would make you feel much... much... much better.”

Before I knew it, he was already grabbing my crotch as he tried to unzip my jeans with his other hand. I moaned and my cock is already hard. He unbuttoned my jeans and proceeded to caress my pole. His eyes are locked with mine. He was so close and I can feel his hot breath on my cheeks. He’s too near and it looks like he’s about to kiss me. He pulled the garter of my boxer and without any second thoughts, he pulled my rock hard cock out and started jerking it off. I realized that I wasn’t stopping him at all. I then moved my hands to his arm, trying to get it off.

“Keith... Stop.” I moaned when he squeezed it hard. My back tried to arch forward but he pushed me back by diving his lips onto mine. He removed his jacket off, probably because he was in heat.

Keith moved on top of me. My legs in between his. His right hand was still stroking my shaft while his left hand is under my shirt, moving it from my abs up to my chest. When he reached my chest, he pinched my right nipple which made me open my mouth. He took the chance to push his tongue in my mouth, trying to intertwine with mine.

My hands are still trying to stop him, but this time I placed them on his chest. I tried to push him away but he’s too strong. That’s when I noticed how muscular his body was. By some chance, my body was moving on its own. My left hand slowly moved down to his abs, feeling his cobblestone collection. My body start to relax as he continued to kiss me. There’s something therapeutic about what Keith’s doing to me. I can’t stop him anymore. My body already gave in as if it wants Keith without my own accord. Before I knew it, I was already kissing back with my tongue, although a second after that, he broke our kiss and proceeded to stripping my shirt off. He started worshiping my body. Giving each muscle a peck from my neck, to my arms, to my chest, to my abs, then finally to my crotch. Without any hesitation, Keith placed my cock on his mouth and started sucking me off. My hips responded by thrusting into his mouth. My hands on his shoulder. My breath became heavy. My arousal skyrocketed. Every time my cock grinds on the wall of his mouth was euphoric. This made me realize that my body is very sensitive. Every time he pulled and dove back down made my body twitch in every direction.

“Faster.” I can’t believe I’m saying this. My body is enjoying Keith so much. I can feel my balls starting to churn.

“I’m near.” I whispered. My hands migrated to his hair, pulling it as my body tensed.

“I’m gonna cum.” I said.

I released my load into Keith’s mouth. I came with what seems like a much bigger load than what I can originally do. He then swallowed them all and took a a big exhale as if he just took a soda. He smiled at me and placed my softening cock back in my pants. He zipped my jeans back up and buttoned it. He left me topless, recovering from my euphoric phase.

He gave me one last kiss and I kissed back. He chuckled and moved back.

“Guess you forgive me now?”

He then got off me and picked his jacket from the floor. He walked back to the door and grabbed his glass of milk.

“Thanks for the milk. See you tomorrow.” He opened my door. “Oh and... Can we still go back to me being your bully? But I guess this time... We can call ourselves frenemies.”

With that, he went out my room. He didn’t grab anything else. That means he meant that... He meant that!?

My new phone suddenly pinged. I grabbed it and saw the notification from the Diary App once more.

Wish was completed. Please take a picture and attach to the log to confirm change and to keep the new reality.

I didn’t know what to do aside from standing up, going out my balcony and aiming my camera to Keith who was already walking away from home, but I wasn’t able to take a picture of him since he was already too far to be seen.

Maybe tomorrow, unless this all reset when I sleep. This might be a problem.

#straight to gay #Hey Diary

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