#and i went ‘oh okay’ and very rarely asked for help with anything ever again <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[lvllns]

every time i see a post like that i am viscerally reminded of when i, at the age of fucking 9, told my mother i was worried because i was developing compulsions and she told me to stop faking things for attention

[kuromochimi]

Pros and Cons

Rin Itoshi x F!Reader

If you’ve seen friends or if you want to see where I got the prompt from, it’s from when ross had to choose between two girls and made a pros and cons list to help him decide.

Content: angst to fluff, aged up characters (18+), not proof read

Rin didn’t think he’d ever end up in such a situation. See, despite there being a long line of women willing to climb mountains just to have a chance at being with rin, he very rarely entertained any of them… mostly because he already had his eyes set on someone else. You. But life’s circumstances never really gave you two any way to work on what you both knew could happen. He was mostly having away games or training and you were too busy with a blooming career somewhere far from where he usually wad. “It’s not the time”. The line rin would always tell himself. The right time just never seemed to present itself.

Unfortunately, time won’t always be friendly to continuously missed chances. After years of not having anything happen, rin came to the conclusion that maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. Besides, you’ve had a few boyfriends and situationships here and there and rin, being surrounded by his team mates and their stories about how good it feels to have someone supporting them from the stands, he got impatient so he decided to give someone a try. Mai. One of the team’s PR managers. She always was nice to rin, pretty, soft spoken, understanding, basically what most men would want. Fortunately for rin, she also seemed to harbor some sort of attraction towards him. Nothing serious at the moment but definitely something to start with. A few dates here and there. Hang outs at home and all. Mai was aware that rin couldn’t commit yet and neither was she. The arrangement they had worked for both. But boy, was timing a bitch to rin. Roughly 3 months into dating mai, rin was rendered frozen in place when he received a message from you.

You: Rin! I’ve been assigned to work near your home stadium. Did I get that right? idk if that’s what you call it but yeah. I just moved in yesterday. Want to meet up? :)

As rin was mindlessly staring and repeatedly reading your message, reo passed by and “accidentally” saw the message. “dude, who’s that? isn’t mai going to get jealous?” Rin snapped back into reality after realizing his friends had seen what was going on. Isagi looked as well and as he read the contact name, a bulb went up his head “oh wait isn’t that the girl you used to like before you started dating mai?” A few banters here and there about the team invading rin’s privacy, shidou chimed in out of nowhere “Know what? Why don’t you make a pros and cons list for the girls? I know damn well you still like that one but you also seem smitten as fuck for mai so.. pros and cons man” and most of the time, only bullshit comes out of shidou’s mouth but god, rin was at such a crossroads, he gave in. With the help of his teammates, a list was made.

Later that day, rin agreed to meet with you. It’s not that he had already decided or that he was confident you still had feelings for him but he thought it wouldn’t hurt. Besides, he had already asked mai about it and she was more than okay with it. She even half joked half meant said that if things work out between you and rin, she should at least be invited to the wedding. When rin arrived at the meet up place and he saw you sitting and looking around, there was no doubt in his heart. It was still you and he was a big fool for ever thinking that dating someone else would ever work. Not to deny that mai was a great girl and that they matched pretty well.. it’s just that you were it for him. At that moment, he thanked the heavens that his arrangement with mai wasn’t serious yet. He felt bad having to end or because the relationship had its fair share of ups but, god, seeing you again just locked him in and it would feel wrong dating anyone else when he was this crazy for you. Rin walked up to you and gently tapped your shoulder. You immediately looked back to see him and as if on instinct, you jumped up to hug him. “Rin! How have you been?!” You exclaimed while still hugging him. “Hello to you too, yn” he calmly replied back while hugging back, cradling your head gently in his hand.

The meet up went as well as you had hoped. Lots of catching up, rin touring you around, trying out different food places. It was a fun welcome to the city. In the evening, as rin was about to drive you home, he realized that he left his phone at the restaurant. “Sorry yn, can you wait a bit, I think I left my phone” you gave him a gentle nod as he left the car. You let out a heavy sigh because god were you nervous. You wanted to finally try it out with rin since you were close by and distance wouldn’t be an issue anymore. As you were thinking of ways to tell him what you wanted to do, a piece of paper with your name on it caught your attention. It was at the little compartment in between the driver’s seat and your seat. Not meaning to be nosy but also being extremely curious, you picked it up and unfolded. You were half expecting a cute note but you were met with a pros and cons list. Specifically the cons list which had “unstable” and “needs career” which you immediately interpreted as him conveying that you looked to have no stability and that you had a career he deemed insufficient to consider as a relevant enough career. And it hurt. It hurt because he was right. Compared to him, your career was small and you couldn’t exactly blame him but you didn’t think he’d see it as something bad enough to consider it a “con”. You didn’t even realize you were crying and you didn’t realize that rin had just opened the door to his seat. “Yn? Hey what’s the matter?” He sounded so worried and caring but that didn’t matter. “I- I’m taking a cab, rin I’m sorry” his eyes darted to the piece of paper in your grasp and his face fell pale. “yn listen, wait” he gently grabbed your wrist and you let him. “I know this looks bad. Fuck, it is bad. But it’s not what you think. I don’t think you’re unstable or any of that. It’s just.. what I’m trying to say is that you being busy with your career, we wouldn’t be stable is what I’m trying to say there. And that you wouldn’t want to pick anything over your career at the moment. I swear I just.. I’m not good with words please believe me. And the other girl on the list, I tried dating someone else but when I saw you today, everything just fell into place. I like you still, I know you know that. She knows it too” and he was telling the truth. It just wasn’t sinking into your head that he was saying that he wanted a relationship? The person you’ve loved since senior year of high school likes you back. You always had a guy feel but he never acted on it so you brushed it off but now he just confessed. “Let me make it up to you and all the years we missed?” Rin asked with a smile.

[thatssonanii]

Chapter Ten

A/N: Two chapters in 24 hrs! Look at me! 😂😂 but enjoy! ⭐Comment, reblog & share!⭐

Warnings: Cursing, strong emotions ahead, typos, 18+ MINORS DNI!

Masterlist

Chapter Nine

Another three days passed with Zilla staying with Bronco. He would sneak to the apartment late at night to grab clothes when he knew Moriah was asleep. Watching her sleep gave him a dull ache in his heart for her. It wasn't fair that Nadine had made so many unjust decisions for them. There was nothing anybody could say to him that would make him ever forgive Nadine. Before he left the apartment, he made sure to fill her work cup with ice and put it in the freezer for her and put snacks in her purse because she always forgot. He was honestly surprised she didn't notice but then again she never did. 

Slipping back into Bronco's house, he tried to move as quietly as possible so he didn't wake Bronco's little brother. As he moved towards the living room he heard a soft squeal.

“Aye you good in here?” He called out as he walked through the doorway then quickly turned his back seeing Toni sitting top less in his friend's lap. “Oh shit, my bad, B.”

Bronco laughed wrapping the throw blanket around her. “You good, shoulda been in my room anyway. You got what you need?”

“Yeah, I got it. Nice to see you again, T.” He chuckled with his back still to them.

Toni hit her boyfriend, who was still laughing. “It's not funny, Bronco. Nice to see you too, Zilla. Where were you?”

“You really wanna know or you askin cause it's awkward?” 

“Both,” she laughed getting off Bronco's lap, “Answer please.”

He held up his bag for her to see. “Went to get clothes from the apartment.”

“So you saw Rye? Did everything go okay? Well of course it didn't if you're here.” Toni rambled on until Bronco moved to stand behind her and gripped her shoulders. “Huh? Sorry, I'm talking too much. I'm just worried.”

“Ain't no need to worry. He ain't wake her, she don't know he been there.”

Securing the throw blanket around her torso, Toni moved closer to the younger man and turned him around to face her. 

“It's been damn near a week, Zilla. How long are you gonna do this? She already thinks you hate her, this is not helping.”

“That's what I been tryna tell him,” Bronco added, making Zilla suck his teeth. 

“Fat know I don't hate her. I text her. We good, T.”

“That might work with Bronco but that does not work with me,” she fussed. “She doesn't know that because besides you texting her that you love her, you don't say anything else to her and you're not at home.”

He huffed shifting his weight from foot to foot. “Listen, I appreciate you being there for Fat and all that but we straight. I got it.”

“You got it? Yeah, okay. I understand that you're hurting and processing right now but you're literally doing exactly what her mom said you would do. You left her by herself, Zilla. She's alone every day and every night while you're here with your friend every night.”

Toni pushed past him, going to Bronco's bedroom careful not to slam the door. 

“Damn, she kinda feisty,” Bronco chuckled, “But you know she's right. You can't keep runnin, bruh. You gotta talk to her at some point. Good night, man.”

Getting back to the guest room, Zilla got situated for the night and responded to a few texts he had. Jon had invited him and Moriah to the house for a cookout, even though he told him no the first time Jon continued to ask until Zilla gave in. As they were talking a facetime call from Arthur came through. He debated on answering for a few moments before ultimately answering. 

“Damn you wasn't gon answer the phone?” 

“I was gettin in the bed. What's up?”

Arthur knew his little brother well. He could fool their other brothers and occasionally their mother but it was very rare that he could get past Arthur. 

“You tell me. What's going on with you?”

“Nun, wrestlemania season so it's busy.”

“Now that you got ya lie out ya system, let's try the truth, Isayah. You know whatever you tell me don't go no further.”

Zilla couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped him, it was dipped in sarcasm. “Oh trust me, I know you can keep a secret.”

Arthur's face scrunched up, giving his brother a confused look. “It's obviously something you wanna say so say it. Get it off ya chest.”

“Why you ain't tell me?” He asked after a minute. 

“Tell you what?”

“About Angel. You knew and ain't say shit.”

Arthur sighed, wiping his free hand down his face. “This ain't what you wanna hear but that wasn't my place to tell you, Isayah. It wasn't my business to tell. That was for Moriah to tell you.”

Zilla rolled his eyes. “Okay so why not tell her to tell me before?”

“Do you think she wanted to hold this shit in this long? No, she didn't. She wanted to tell you but she been terrified to tell you since the moment that test came back positive.”

“I hear you.”

“If you're acting this way with me then I can only imagine how you acting with her about this.” Arthur paused to gather his thoughts. “That's why y'all ain't been answering our calls. She told you and you lost your shit, didn't you?”

He sucked his teeth hard. “I ain't lose shit. She told me and I left.”

“The hell you mean you left? You left the room? That's what you better mean.”

“Left the apartment. I needed to get away from the whole thing before I took it out on her.”

“You got air then what?”

“That's it. I ain't been back since and before you start I'm not tryna hear shit about it.”

Arthur chuckled under his breath. “I don't care what you don't wanna hear. It's fine for you to want space after hearing that but running from it won't change it. You do know that, right?”

“I know that, Arthur.” 

“I know that look on your face so tryna say anything else to you is pointless right now so ima go. You call or text me when you wanna talk.”

Before Zilla could say anything else, Arthur disconnected the call. He could add another person to the list that felt his anger that didn't deserve it. The whole situation with Angel was eating at him, the person he wanted to take his anger out on was nowhere near and he wasn't calling her. Not yet at least. 

Zilla

12:45am

Remember u said if I ain't find 1, u would fine 1 fa me?

Aunt Kami

12:45am

Yup.

Zilla

12:46am

I ain't find 1

Aunt Kami

12:48am

Gotcha. I'll let you know when your appointment is.

Zilla

12:49am

Thank u. I owe u

Aunt Kami

12:50am

No you don't. Is everything okay?

Zilla stared at the text trying to figure out how he wanted to answer. He knew Moriah is the closest to her Aunt Kami and her Aunt Gabi but he wanted her to have control of how much she wanted them to know. 

Zilla

12:55am

Not really but ion wanna talk about it. 

Aunt Kami

12:56am

That's perfectly fine, Zilla. But if you do, you know I'm here. Go to sleep, love yall

Zilla

12:56am

Love you 2

Getting out of bed was hard for Moriah and going to work was even harder. Having to act like everything was okay especially in front of Thomas so he didn't raise suspicion to her mother was tiring. Zilla buying her a car made it a little easier since he hasn't picked her up from work since. Even though Thomas worked her nerves, the kids on the pediatric floor gave her a little joy.

Entering her five year old patient's room, Moriah got sanitizer and approached the bed with a smile. She greeted her parents softly then laughed seeing her patient faking sleep. 

“Nia's sleeping? I thought she was up.”

The mother smiled, her eyes crinkled in the corners. “Thought so too. Guess she fell asleep.”

“Well I guess I have to give this pop it game to my other patient then,” Moriah playfully started to walk backwards. 

Nia's eyes popped open followed by her giggles. She reached her hands out. “Noooo! I'm awake! I'm awake!”

Her parents and Moriah laughed along with her. She approached the bed again, taking the game from her pocket to give to the five year old. 

“The gopher game! You found it!”

“I did, I told you I would. I got you, girl.”

“Thank you! Thank you!”

Moriah started to check her vitals. “You're so welcome, friend. I talked to Dr. Harris and he told me that you can take it with you to pre-op while you wait.”

“Yes!” She squealed excitedly. 

“And when you come out of surgery, what would you like to eat?”

“Anything?”

Moriah winked at her. “Anything, friend.”

“Spaghetti and meatballs!”

“You're gonna turn into a meatball, Nia.” The dad joked. 

Moriah finished up and went to grab more sanitizer. “Spaghetti and meatballs it is, friend. Mom and Dad, Dr. Harris and another nurse will be in shortly to talk to you a little more about her surgery then take her to pre-op.”

The mother stood quickly. “Wait, aren't you going to surgery with her?”

“Well, no ma'am. I'm sorry.”

“Could you?” She asked, grabbing Moriah's hand. “Please. It would make us and her feel much better if you did. You've been so good to us the last few days, she just adores you.”

Moriah rolled the thought around in her head. “I'll check with the team and make sure it's okay. Alright?”

Leaving the room, Moriah walked around the floor looking for Dr. Harris. She found the slender, salt and pepper African American man engulfed in a conversation with Thomas. The sight of him repulsed her but she pushed it aside for her patient. 

“I'm sorry to interrupt, Dr. Harris. I wanted to run something by you about Nia Whitfield's surgery.” Her eyes shifted momentarily to Thomas. “In private.”

Dr. Harris smiled, he was always a jovial man. It's why the kids in the pediatric floor loved him. 

“Of course, Nurse DeBreaux. And it's okay if Gardner stays, he's going to be in surgery with me shadowing.”

It took every bit of willpower for Moriah not to roll her eyes at that. 

“Isn't that … great. Nia and her parents would feel more comfortable if I went into surgery with her. I know you had another nurse scheduled with you and I understand if we can't change it but I wanted to try.”

Dr. Harris waved his hand dismissively. “Never be fretful to ask to switch in my surgeries. I want my patients and families to be as comfortable as possible,” he explained. “If they want you then they got you. I'll meet you at her room in fifteen minutes.”

With that, he walked off towards his office she presumed leaving her with Thomas. He stepped closer, she took two steps back and held her hand out to stop him. 

“Stay out of my personal space, Thomas.”

“Our first surgery together. Aren't you excited, Moriah?” He asked, smiling from ear to ear. 

“Not at all. You need to focus on not messing up in there instead of on me.”

He shrugged. “It's just a hernia removal. Piece of cake. In and out in an hour tops.”

She rolled her eyes. 

“You heard what I said.”

“How's your boy? One of my patients had the show on last night, he's not bad.”

Moriah turned to walk away from him, mumbling to herself. Getting transferred back to the emergency department wasn't happening quick enough for her. Between the rift with her and Zilla and Thomas always in her face at work, she was more than tired. 

Hassan pulled up to the house he knew Tamera would be showing in the next couple of hours, parking discreetly behind hers. He grabbed the flowers he had gotten her before jumping out and heading for the porch. The door was open, he knocked on the door frame as he entered. He didn't have to wait long for Tamera to come out, her heels clicking against the impressive marble flooring. Her smile grew wider seeing Hassan.

“What are you doing here, Hassan?”

He gave her the flowers then kissed her cheek. “I was in the neighborhood and decided to stop by. Happy to see me?”

His heart swelled as he watched inhale the flower's scent excitedly. 

“Yes of course I'm happy to see you. But in the neighborhood, sir?” She laughed. “You live forty five minutes from here.”

He pulled her into a tight hug. “Not the point. You mentioned you didn't have flowers for the house today so here I am.”

“Thank you,” she grabbed his hand, pulling him with her through the house to the kitchen. “I'll put them in a case. They're very beautiful, Hassan.”

“Just like you.”

Their eyes met, her eyes flickered with a very familiar flame that Hassan acted like he didn't see. The flame in her eyes was the same flame that burned inside of him but he wanted to make sure she knew what she was getting into with him. Gabi and Moriah would say that he was stalling but he hadn't and didn't plan on asking them. 

“You are slicker than can of oil, Mr. DeBreaux.”

“And you, Ms. Jefferson, are sweeter than honey.”

Tamera checked her watch then glanced back at Hassan, a smile rose to his face again. 

“Two hours until your appointment, Tamera.”

She hummed, filling a vase with water. “Guess we better put those two hours to good use then.”

His phone rang interrupting their stare down. Seeing his ex-wife's name made him internally groan but he excused himself and stepped out of the sliding door to the backyard.

“How can I help you, Nadine?”

“Am I interrupting you or something? You sound irritated.”

He chuckled. “You know I don't enjoy talking to you, Didi. What is it?”

“Well that's rude, Hassan. I was just calling to check on Moriah. Apparently she's blocked my number.”

“You say that like it's a surprise. She meant it when she said she was done.”

Nadine scoffed into the phone. “Anyway, how's my baby? Have you talked to her today? I heard she's going into her first surgery today.”

Hassan took the phone away from his ear to stare at it for a moment. “No, I haven't talked to her today but she's fine. How the hell did you hear that?”

“I have my ways. Later on, you need to call and ask her about it. And tell her to call me, this is something we need to talk about.”

He took a few deep breaths to calm his nerves. “I'm not telling her anything, she'll call if she wants. Whatever person you got keeping tabs on her at that hospital needs to stop.” He spat harshly. 

“If you think I'm gonna just stop looking out for my baby because she's upset with me right now then you're sadly mistaken,” Nadine fussed. “This isn't the first time, she'll get over it. She got over that damn baby, didn't she? Exactly so she'll be fine.”

“That damn baby was your grandson, Nadine! He was a part of you and you took his life! You took him, you traumatized our daughter, who is also a part of you and you act like it was nothing!”

“Oooh,” she cackled, “I struck a nerve if Hassan is yelling. Not cool, calm and collected Hassan getting out of character over that bastard baby.”

“You would stoop so low and hurt our daughter because you're pissed at me? You're pissed at me for something that didn't have to change anything about our lives, Nadine.”

Laughing, she mocked him, not bothering to give him an actual response.

“What if she would've hurt herself? What then?”

“Oh please that girl is weak but she's not that weak. She would never.”

He chuckled bitterly. “Because you know her so well, right? Nadine, stop trying to hurt my daughter. Leave her alone, let her be and let her live her life.”

“Your daughter?” She snorted. 

“Yes, my daughter.”

“Goodbye, Hassan.”

The urge to chuck his phone into the pool a few feet away from him was strong. Instead he stuffed it in his pocket and took slow, deep breaths to calm himself down. No one could make him as angry as his ex-wife and he hated it. Some would say it was because he was still in love with her and reached to be her but they didn't know him. He hated who his ex-wife became right before and after their divorce, he didn't know her. Feeling hands on his back, he jumped a little then relaxed remembering he was there with Tamera.

“Didn't mean to scare you. Just wanted to check on you. You looked stressed.”

He wiped a hand down his face. “I'm sorry about that, it was my ex-wife. I'm alright though.”

She gave him a small smile, taking his hands in hers.”You don't have to be sorry, I understand about exes. We can talk about it, if you want. Or not talk.”

“Not talking sounds good,” he smiled. 

Bronco and Zilla sat on the floor in front of one of the practice rings with a few of their peers listening to Booker and Regal talk to them.  Since their interaction after the run in with Thomas, Zilla and Booker hadn't said much to each other if it wasn't work related. 

“Getting TV time doesn't mean you stop practicing and working hard to get better,” Regal informed looking at each of them. “The goal is to stay on TV. Right?”

The group acknowledged him with an answer.

“So if you all know then why are we here right now?”

Silence. 

Booker ran a hand over his locs, stepping in to add his own thoughts. “It's great that yall go to promo class, it's great that you're getting TV time but what's not great is yall either half assing it during drills and practice or not showing up at all.”

Zilla honestly didn't understand why he had to be in this conversation. He went to practice, he went to class and he did his thing on TV. With everything he had in his plate, the lady thing he wanted or needed was to be chastised about something he wasn't doing. The whole time Booker spoke, he rolled his eyes and scrunched his face up which didn't go unnoticed by the older man. 

“Is there a problem, Zilla?”

He sucked his teeth. “Nah, mane. Go head.”

“You sure? Cause the eye rolling and facial expressions is telling me something different.”

Again, he sucked his teeth. “Man, go head. I ain't say nothing, did I?”

“This is something I need everybody to understand right now. Don't take me for no sucka, I don't disrespect any of you so don't disrespect me,” he moved closer to Zilla as he spoke until he was in front of him and snatched the younger man up from the floor, ripping his shirt in the process. “Cause if you wanna get disrespectful, I can show you how I handle disrespect. Is that understood?”

The two men stood nose to nose with no intentions of backing down. Zilla's chest puffed out from his heavy breathing, his jaw tight and his eyes burned. Booker maintained eye contact with him, seeing the tears in his eyes. Bronco watched the interaction wanting to step in but he knew it wasn't his place and he knew his friend needed it. 

“I asked a question. Is it understood?”

Zilla scrunched his face to keep his tears at bay and choked out a ‘yeah’. Booker turned him around and pushed him gently towards the door, letting Regal know they'd be back. He guided the younger man to his office, closing the door behind them, then went to sit on the corner of his desk as Zilla dropped into one of his chairs. 

“Let it out, man.”

Zilla choked back a sob, wiping angrily at his eyes. “I'm good.”

“You ain't. Ain't no way you are. I looked into your eyes, man. You're not good.” Booker said softly. 

“I am. My bad for what happened.”

“I accept your apology but man it's okay to not be okay. Is everything okay with you and Rye? Or is this about your dad?”

Pulling up the end of his now ripped shirt, Zilla wiped his face with it. He cried softly, unable to hold it in anymore. 

“Both,” he mumbled beneath the fabric of the shirt. “This shit is hard, man.”

“I know it's hard, I know it is but turning on the people trying to help you won't make it any easier, Isayah. Your people love you,” Booker explained, moving to kneel in front of the younger man. “Lean on the people that love you instead of leaning away. I know it's hard to be vulnerable but sometimes it's necessary. Alright?”

Zilla nodded, pulling the shirt from his face. “Aight.”

With a smile, Booker stood then pulled Zilla up and into a hug. “Go change your shirt and come back to practice. But understand I meant what I said, I'll put you right on your ass if you do that again.”

Zilla chuckled and agreed. 

They left the office going in opposite directions, Booker back to the practice rings and Zilla to the locker room to change shirts. On his way, he went ahead and pulled the ripped shirt off, stuffing part of it into the front of his doors, letting it hang. 

“Hey, Zilla!”

Not stopping his stride, Zilla threw his hand up at Gia. “What's up?”

She jogged a little to catch up with him. “Damn you walk fast. Why you in such a hurry?”

“Gotta get back to practice.”

“Your face is red,” she observed stepping in front of him to stop him, “Are you okay? You wanna talk?”

“I'm good, just hot,” he lied, wanting to get away from her. “Ain't nothin to talk about.”

“I feel like you're lying. You can talk to me, Zilla. I'm a good listener.” She smiled, rubbing her hand up and down his bare arm. 

He moved her hand off of him, placing it back at her side. “Like I said, I'm good and if I'm not, I talk to my lady or my mama.”

“That girl of yours must have you on a short leash,” she joked. “I mean I can't blame her, I'd wanna hold on to you too.”

He scrunched his face. “I ain't on a leash. I respect my lady and our relationship.”

“Sorry, sorry. I'm just saying every time I talk to you, she comes up. I know she's there, you don't have to worry I'm not gonna try anything. I can appreciate a good looking man and be respectful.”

Shaking his head, Zilla moved around her and went to the locker room. After he changed his shirt, he checked his phone to see if he had any notifications. 

Aunt Kami

9:33am

Saturday @ 10am. I'll send the location. You can take Rye if you want. 

Zilla smiled a little at the message. 

Zilla

1:15pm

My bad, been workin. Thank u, Auntie!!!!

He exited their thread then went into Moriah's. His smile grew a little wider. 

Moriah

11:30am

Just wanted to let you know that I'm going into my first surgery in 30 minutes! It's a short one, not more than a hour but I'm so nervous and excited! 

Zilla

1:20pm

I'M SO DAMN PROUD OF YOU, FAT!! I know u did amazing, baby. I love u

Zilla tucked his phone away and locked his things back up before he left the locker room. He opted to run back in order to avoid Gia, in case she was lurking around. 

After surgery, Moriah stayed with Nia long enough for her to wake up so she knew Moriah had been there the whole time. When her parents came in, she slipped out to go grab the food she had delivered for the young girl. She sat it up in Nia's room with Toni's help.

“You need to get your man to go on back home.”

Moriah chuckled softly. “If I could, I would, Toni. What happened?”

“He walked in on us last night. Interrupted my moment.”

Moriah laughed, taking a peek at her friend's face. “A moment that you swore wasn't gonna happen because yall are just friends?”

“That is not the point, ma'am. The point is, it was interrupted.”

“I got more than a I love you today so maybe he'll be back soon,” Moriah shrugged, putting the parents’ food to the side. “Tell me about it though. Did you finally get some? Cause if you did, I'm gonna need him to try again you still mean.”

Toni wadded up a napkin and threw it at her friend. “I am not mean. No, we didn't. After that lil run in, the mood was killed.”

“Damn, I'm sorry. Try again tonight, at your place.”

“We can't leave his brother by himself, Rye.”

Moriah thought for a moment. “He can spend the night with me. I could use the company and I'll take him to school on my way to work tomorrow.”

“Sounds like a plan. Two birds with one stone. I'll let Bronco know.”

Before Moriah left the hospital, she stopped by Nia's room to check on her and to let her know that she would see her in the morning. She stopped by the store to get something to cook for dinner and snacks for him before she went home. She texted Toni to let her know that they could drop him off whenever they were ready. 

A facetime call interrupted her music as she cooked. She answered it quickly, seeing Arthur's name. 

“My favorite!” She said excitedly. 

“Hey, sweetheart. How you doing?”

She propped her phone up so they could see each other while she cooked. “I'm alright, Art. How are you?”

“I'm okay. Worried about you though.”

She smiled briefly at him. “I'm okay, no need to worry about me.”

“If you lie to me, I can't help, Rye.”

Setting her tongs to the side, she leaned against the counter behind her and stared at the phone. 

“I'll be okay, Art. It'll be okay. I promise.”

“I talked to him. He told me you told him about Angel and he left. Why you didn't call me, manamea?”

She shrugged. “I didn't think he would be gone this long. I thought he would've come back the next day and when he didn't … I don't know. I just didn't wanna talk. He's so mad.”

“He's mad, he's hurt, he's angry but not with you. I don't know if he bit your head off but he tried to bite mine off,” Arthur chuckled, “But he knows it's misplaced anger. He knows.”

“Yeah,” she said softly, wiping her eyes. “It's been a week but he's texting back now at least.”

Arthur wished he could teach through the phone and hug her because he knew she needed one. This is what she had been terrified of all these years and it was happening. 

“What did he do when you told him?”

“He asked questions, he would barely look at me. He yelled at me but he apologized right after. I was frustrating him.”

“Frustrating him?”

“He asked me what happened to Angel and where he was and I was telling him that I didn't wanna tell him.”

Arthur sat quietly for a moment, he wanted to say that his little brother shouldn't have done that but given the situation and the emotions in that moment, he could understand it. 

“You weren't frustrating him, the situation was, Rye. Do you want me to come out there? I can clear my schedule for yall.”

She shook her head moving back to the stove. “No you don't gotta do that. We'll figure it out.”

“I hate this for yall but I'm proud of you for telling him, Rye. And I know you're glad you were able to tell him before Nadine did.”

The doorbell going off interrupted their conversation, she let him know that she would call him later and went to get the door. She smiled seeing Javier standing there with his bookbag and overnight bag. She hugged him then invited him in, she took his bags sitting them beside the sofa. 

“I'm so glad you're here Javi. Dinner is almost ready. You didn't eat yet, right?”

“No ma'am, my brother told me you were cooking. Thank you for having me.”

She cooed, going to pinch his cheeks. “Awwe, you're so polite. You can call me Rye, okay? You don't have to say ma'am, I'm not that old yet.”

He laughed going to sit on the sofa. Moriah went to close the door but was stopped by a hand. She panicked for a second then noticed the ‘630” tattoo and breathed a sigh of relief as she opened the door back for him. They locked eyes as he stepped inside, pushing the door closed with his hand. 

“Hi,” she greeted softly. 

He greeted her just as softly. “What's up, Fat?”

She wanted to hug him but she honestly didn't know if she should or could so she played with her fingers to keep from touching him. 

“I'm gonna go finish dinner.”

He nodded. “Ima shower real quick. You need anything before I get in?”

She shook her head. 

“You sure before I get in?”

She smiled a little at the familiarity. “I'm sure, Zay.”

Again, he nodded then turned his attention to Javier. “Aight, Javi, make sure she don't burn our food, man.”

The trio sat on the sofa eating dinner and watching one of the John Wick movies. Moriah sat between them, trying to ignore her boyfriend's eyes constantly staring a hole into the side of her face. He would look away long enough to take bites of his food and catch a scene or two but that was it. At least she knew he'd missed her as much as she'd missed him. When they were all done, Moriah took their dishes to the kitchen and cleaned up while Zilla showed Javier how the shower worked and set up his blanket and pillows on the sofa. He was done before Moriah so he went to lean against the breakfast bar to watch her. 

“How did the surgery go?”

She jumped and squealed, turning to face him. “Dammit, Zay. I forgot you were here.”

“My bad,” he chuckled. 

“It's alright. It went really good. It was a hernia removal on a 5 year old.”

He frowned. “How does a 5 year old get a hernia?”

“When their intestines bulge through the abdominal wall inside the belly button they can develop one.”

“That sound painful. How was it seeing it?”

Moriah smiled as she wiped down the counter. “It was really cool honestly. It was crazy to see how big it was. She was a trooper though.”

“Yeah? She went home today?”

“Uhn uhn. She'll be there two more days and she's excited about it cause she doesn't wanna leave me.”

He chucked. “I bet you love that.”

“A lil,” she laughed.

He let her finish her cleaning in silence, keeping his eyes on her. Javier came back out to the living room and got comfortable on the sofa, remote in hand. 

“You got your alarm set, Javi?”

“Yup, all set, Rye.”

“Your phone on the charger?”

He sat up to check it. “Yup, it's good. Can I watch TV?”

“Sure,” she smiled, “If you want a snack or drink, you're welcome to whatever is in the kitchen, Javi.”

He grinned at her before turning his attention to the TV. “Thank you.”

Zilla approached Moriah, speaking softly. “Can we talk outside, Fat?” When she agreed, he grabbed her hand. “We gon step outside for a few, Javi. Yell if you need us.”

They sat beside each other on the first step, shoulder to shoulder. The night breeze gently whipped around them. 

“First, let me apologize for walkin’ out like that and not lettin’ you know I was aight. No matter how upset I was, that wasn't right.”

“I accept your apology, Zay.”

“Second, I don't hate you and I'm not mad at you so get that thought out your head. You my Fat and I love you.”

She nodded, blinking a few tears out. “I love you too.”

“I can't imagine how scared you was that whole time and the pain that must've caused. You needed me and I wasn't there, I'm sorry, Moriah.”

She laid her head on his shoulder, crying softly. She wanted to tell him that he didn't need to apologize but she needed to hear that. 

“Thank you for apologizing. I gotta be honest, a part of the reason I was so mad at you and refused to come see you was because of Angel.” She admitted softly. “I knew that my mom would've probably still did what she did if you weren't locked up but I wanted you there. I needed you, Angel needed you and you left us.”

His face scrunched as he tried and failed to keep his tears at bay. They betrayed him, slipping from his eyes in rapid succession. He moved the arm she laid on, wrapping it around her and pulling her closer to him. 

“I regret not being there for you and him, it's something ima spend the rest of my life tryna make up for. I appreciate you been honest with me, Fat. I gotta be honest with you too.”

“I'm listening.”

“I love you and I don't wanna lose you but if you let your mom back in your life, I can't promise that ima stay. My love for you is the only thing keepin me from doin anything to her. I can't have her in my life, Moriah.” He spoke honestly. “She took our baby from us and probably any possibility of having another. She took what would've been a piece of my pops from me and my family. Do you get that?”

“I got it, Zay. I do.”

“That's the only thing I'm asking of you. Keep her out of our lives. She don't want shit but to tear us down and tear us apart. You got me, my family, your dad and the rest of your family … you don't need shit from her.”

“I'm done with her. She's not coming back unless you and I decide that she can. I've washed my hands of her. I promise.”

Nodding, he put his finger under her chin tilting her head back. He wiped the lingering tears from her face then kissed her softly. 

“I love you, aight?”

“Aight,” she giggled softly. “I love you more.”

“Damn I missed you.”

“Not as much as I missed you, big head.”

“Two more things though.”

She raised a brow waiting for him to finish. 

“We changing your number tomorrow.”

“Okay, second thing?”

“Since Zilla can't get you pregnant right now, can Zilla throw his condoms out?” He laughed. 

“Boy,” she laughed, “They're tied not burnt but I guess you can throw them out.”

“What that mean?”

“It means that there's a small chance that I can get pregnant but very small. And if we want I can reverse the procedure but it's not guaranteed to work.”

Zilla pecked her lips a few times making her giggle. “Well guess we gon find out how small that chance is.”

[monsterswithimagines]

Undisclosed Desires - Part 18

Joe Goldberg x female!Reader

Summary: Twenty minutes before he would have met Guinevere Beck, Joe meets you instead. You intruige him, but it will soon become clear that there is something off about you.

Words: 618

Masterlist

(Help I'm running out of Joe gifs)

Listen if you still need a minor smut warning at this point, you're reading the wrong fic.

You are so comfortable right now.

You are sprawled on my couch. You're reading Brief interviews with hideous men. You are wearing a very loose green shirt that keeps slipping off your shoulder, so you have to pull it back up.

You slept over last night. You were in my bed. Your hair was sprawled across my pillow. It's basically normal now, but I still consider it special.

I'm cleaning. You tried to help me, but I told you not to. You're tired. You've had a rough week at work.

Besides, it's not your fault I've let this place go lately. It's nearly Halloween and I haven't cleaned properly since late September. That's on me.

I dust shelves and I vacuum and I return things to their rightful places, but my eyes keep slipping to you.

You are not wearing a bra.

You notice me watching, but you only smile and look back at your page. I can't believe you can read at a time like this.

“Good book?” I ask.

“Great book,” you answer. “I bought it at this amazing bookstore.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. Mooney's rare and used. You ever been?”

“Can't say that I have.”

You laugh and roll your eyes. Then, you put your book to the side and open your arms and I go to you.

Making out on my couch is better than cleaning. Having sex on my couch is better than just about anything. There isn't a lot of space and you wrap your legs around me to keep me in place and our intermingled, ragged breathing is loud in my tiny apartment, but I know from experience it sounds even louder in your shoe box.

When we're done, I get up and go back to cleaning. You pick up your book again, uncaring that you are only in your shirt and nothing else now.

This is our routine. We can be doing just about anything and take a break for a good fuck. If we'd had sex in my bed, it would have been making love and we might have stayed and cuddled for a while after we were done, but the couch is too uncomfortable for that and the sex was quick and rough and you like that, you like it a lot. And, (Y/n), so do I.

Another few minutes, and you get up and stretch. Something cracks, and you wince.

“You okay?”

“I stayed in one position too long.”

You disappear into the bathroom and I take a moment to tidy things around where you've been resting. Your panties go in my pocket. You'll just think it went behind the furniture somewhere. You keep replacements around here, but they are all clean and this one is wet because while I was cleaning, you wanted me. You always want me. You are a sex maniac. But only for me.

The apartment is pretty clean now. I'm happy with it. You come out of the bathroom and tell me I did a good job.

“Thank you, ma'am.”

“I guess now you'll want a reward.”

I shrug and grin. You roll your eyes a second time and stand on your tippy toes to kiss me sweet and slow.

I humm.

“Okay, that was a pretty good reward.”

“I'm glad you think so,” you say.

There's a knock. You dart to put on jogging pants while I go to open the door. It's Paco. His mother isn't home and he forgot to bring a key when he went to his friend's house this morning. I let him in and you make him a snack and ask him how school's going.

This is our life. This just might be our life forever.

[displacedbias]

[pre-gala]

He can't be a coward again. Not this time. 

Deep breaths, Felix. It was hard to believe he'd gotten an invitation to the gala. Didn’t he embarrass himself last time? He recalled crying, moping, being upset that Teddy and Penny were together. While he was alone the whole time.

--No. No bad thoughts! If Teddy knew what he was thinking, he'd tell him to be nicer to himself. Not to dwell on these things. That this time, it'll be different, and that's what matters. Felix will not let himself be lonely and pathetic again. That's why he's here, after all. ...Even though every part of him was screaming not to do this, not to ruin their friendship with such a trivial whim.

Clammy hands rap on the door, not ready at all but forced to do it anyway. Felix couldn't stand stewing in such unbearable feelings for a second longer. He barely could stomach regular feelings. He couldn't help but think Teddy would handle something like this so much better in his place. Asking Penny out in the natural flow of conversation? So easily, so swiftly, without even an ounce of nervousness Felix was feeling right now? Right. That could never be him. Felix was much too inept for that.

"Felix?" --Goodness, he hadn't even noticed the door was open now, Ozzy's hands already quickly releasing its grip on the (already very clean) doorknob despite being aptly covered in nitrile gloves. His warm eyes met Felix's, a look of care piercing through the young Huxley's heart as he was reminded of everything he loved about Ozzy. The way his ginger hair caught the light of sunbeams, the way he stood at a bit of a distance unless you were someone he was comfortable with, the endearing love and excitement he harboured for that Destructotron franchise-- Ozzy blinked and creased his brow as he stood in the middle of the doorframe, "...You look like you really need the bathroom. Are you okay?"

And oh, how Felix admired how blunt Ozzy could be. ...Usually. Right now, however, he was mortified.

He could only hope his face didn't match Ozzy's hair as he shook his head frantically, "N-No! Not at all! I mean-- No to the first thing. I'm fine! Perfectly fine! Whyever would you think otherwise??"

Ozzy laughed awkwardly, "Uh... Well you're acting a lot more nervous than usual, for one thing. You're here without Ted, and you look like you reeeeally wanna say something. Which is, y'know. Rare."

Felix remained silent, glancing away long enough to completely miss the softened expression Ozzy was giving him.

"...So what's up? You can talk to me about anything, I promise. I'll listen." Ozzy concluded, smiling kindly.

How was it that everyone always seemed to know Felix better than himself? He took in a deep breath for what felt like the hundredth time in the past... however long he'd been standing on the doorstep, mustering the courage to knock. "Erm... So... You know the gala that Penny, Teddy, and I went to before...?" Felix fidgeted with his hands as he watched Ozzy nod, the silence urging him to continue, "W-Well... Would you... like to... bemydatetothegala--?"

It took Ozzy a second to process what Felix sped through saying. Be his date to the gala. Ozzy blinked. Felix blinked back. And then the panic set in. Ozzy wasn't saying anything. Why wasn't he saying anything--? ...Did asking that make him hate Felix!? Lord, please, no, Felix could not live with himself if that were the case. What if Ozzy shot him dead for daring to ask such a stupid question. Or worse, rejected him. And what if he tells him he hates him and that they can't be friends anymore and he's always secretly hated him and Teddy is so much better than he is and he is simply so unloveable and awful and pathetic and stupid and of course no one would ever like him and gets a restraining order against him for being so cringeworthy?? What the bloody hell was Felix thinking, doing this--

Ozzy smiled, a hint of shyness, and astonishment, and gratitude. He looked so happy. "You really mean it? You want to go with me?" Felix could swear his heart skipped a beat, and he wordlessly nodded. His entire mental ordeal had him so shaken that he was worried his voice wouldn't work properly if he said anything more. Ozzy held up some hand sanitizer. Felix took it, knowing what that meant. Vaguely, at least, because he wasn't at all ready when Ozzy gently grasped Felix's hands with the most tender touch after they were all sanitized up. "Felix... I'd be honoured to go to the gala with you. I'd love that. I really like you a lot and I... Well, I'm glad you asked me this time. Really. That means a lot to me."

For some reason, this reaction was a lot harder for Felix to wrap his head around than any other imagined scenario. "I... Ah... Huh...?" 

Ozzy chuckled and squeezed Felix's hand gently, "You're cute when you're confused." 'Cute'... Ozzy thinks Felix is cute...! "Anyway, thanks. I'm really excited, Fe. I guess... we could pick out outfits together, maybe? That'll be fun, right?"

And Felix smiled back, finally. Squeezed Ozzy's hand back too. That would be fun.

[freedomfireflies]

Into the Harryverse

The Harry’s reaction if they ever made their girls cry?

OH OKAY WE WANT ANGST TODAY, YOU GOT IT!!!

Teach Me Harry:

Oh pure panic!! Because she never cries!! And maybe he's had a bad day so he snaps, and she also had a bad day, so she's more susceptible to tears!! And she tries to turn away and say she's fine but he knows better!

And he steps forward gently and says, "Whoa, hey...shit, I'm sorry. I didn't...I didn't mean to yell. Bee...Bee, I'm sorry. Can you look at me? Please?"

And it takes a minute but eventually she lets him pull her into his arms and he kisses her forehead and apologizes and explains and they make up!!

Mine Harry:

I think she would cry if she saw him come home with tons of cuts, bruises, and shredded clothes 😗 Maybe after she specifically told him not to do something stupid but he went and did it anyway and now he's incredibly hurt!!

And he can't go to a hospital because of the cops so she has to take care of him. And so she's trying, but her hands are shaking, and she keeps thinking that maybe she could have lost him, and why did he have to go out there, and she can't see past the tears!!

And he notices, and he's gutted. You know how sometimes women with babies lactate if they hear crying?? I imagine Harry is the same way except pure fucking FEAR HAHAHHA

He's riddled with anxiety and regret to see her so upset because he hates it and he doesn't know how to fix it. So he grabs her shaking hands from where she's cleaning his wound, and guides her eyes to his.

"Hey, hey. Mama...look at me, please," he'd murmur. "I'm so fucking sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm okay, yeah? Gonna be just fine. You aren't gonna lose me. Never let myself leave you. You know that."

And then they kiss heheh

One for the Money Harry:

I also think it would be rare that Peach would ever cry in front of him!! But lets add some more angst and say she's crying during sex 😗

Not because of the sex or because of anything Harry is doing but her mind is all over the place and maybe she's not feeling it as much as she thought she was and he's saying all these great, dominant things but it's just...heavy. It's hurting her heart a little and she doesn't know why, so at first she doesn't say anything.

So her body says it for her. She starts to cry and Harry thinks it's because of the pleasure but she won't look at him and he quickly realizes these aren't good tears.

So he stops instantly, and pulls her into his arms, and gets really quiet. Because he doesn't know what to say, but he finally whispers, "When you're ready to tell me...I'll be here."

And she doesn't tell him for a while because she's so overwhelmed but eventually does and he spends the evening helping her relax 😭

iFall Harry:

I think he would feel so guilty!!! Maybe even pulls a Jack Chambers and gets down on his knees to apologize and bury his face in her stomach (except he lets her go if she asks, cause he's not fucking crazy)!!!!

404 Harry:

Well let's face it, this man wants to make her cry. And she never does because why would she cry over a man?? or because of a man??

So if she DOES actually cry one day during one of their little fights, he's just.................he's stunned. Doesn't know what to do. Stands there, blinking, very quiet.

But I think eventually he'd just clear his throat, step forward, and murmur, "Hey, you know I was kidding, Tink. I think what you're doing is fine. I didn't...I was just fucking with you."

And she just nods and waves him off because she's not crying because of him but they aren't close enough for her to tell him why she's really crying. But he knows it's bigger than him so he just kind of...awkwardly throws an arm around her shoulder until she calms down. Maybe waits until she isn't hiccuping to press a very rare kiss to her forehead before sneakily suggesting he fuck the pain away HAHAHAH

I'M SO SORRY IT GOT LONG AGAIN BUT THIS WAS FUN????????? THANK YOU FOR ASKING 😭💞

[majorasnightmare]

continuing from my last post about tadpoles and brain damage and disability, and also on that whole "for Development Team reasons the party does not react to dark urge Lore Drops, but im interpreting it as character flaws anyways" dealio

immediately post absolute befuckening its like. the fucking DRAMA

because its a steadily increasing amount of Emergency Crises. like first of all astarion is now subject to vampire rules again and starts burning in the sun, so being the de facto leader dirge obviously rushes to shield him as best he can and drops a darkness cast on top of themselves, except hey. the worm thats been holding your brain together? just dissolved into thin air. fun fact about brain bleeds: it actually starts oozing down your esophagus, and only rarely leaks out from your eyes, and nosebleeds are typically a sinus capillary bursting from stress or irritation. it will on occasion leak from your ears, especially if its alongside a skull fracture (which will leak fluid from your ears first)

so id like to think that even before dirge starts showing symptoms, astarion starts to smell the blood on his breath, and then it just quickly spirals downhill from there as the wound reopens due to not healing properly in the first place. starts trying to find a way to get astarion to safety before trailing off and then gets increasingly heavy on astarion as he struggles to support himself, and it quickly becoming obvious something is Very Wrong. dirges injury not following explicit realism because Bhaalspawn and Drama, so even as it reopens its trying to properly heal, leading to oedema, the inflammation and swelling causing aphasia. so now your stuck about to be burned by the sun as soon as this cast is over, and the partys main crisis solver is now PART of the crisis, and steadily losing the ability to meaningfully communicate and becoming more and more of a dead weight

so now we have TWO crises, and one of them is the guy whos spent the past several months being the Guy Who Plans Our Way Out Of The Crisis. after spending so much time offloading the mental burden of problem solving onto this One Guy Whos Admittedly Pretty Good At It, now we have to handle an exponentially worsening situation. no telepathy cuz the worms are gone, so theres the struggle of trying to communicate whats happening quickly and clearly. no spell slots or resources cuz we just went through a boss rush. wylls all out of warlock juice cuz his pact with mizoras been fulfilled and she dipped. does an abandoned house count as public? run in, claim it, and invite astarion in while you support/drag dirge into the building, whos quickly becoming insensible, and then on top of all that we have to deal with karlachs engine. because anything that can go to shit right now, absolutely will

its like. everything gets offloaded onto him, because he cares and hes capable and hell get it done, so he makes the decisions and he talks to people and haggles with traders and gets them a free inn room and helps all their personal problems and life crises, and everytime he broaches the idea of asking for help for himself, it gets shut down. im having these urges for violence that really scare me, what do i do? its normal its fine it isnt anything to be scared of, everyone experiences this, just focus on killing whats in front of you. and then alfira dies and everyone pulls away, asks whats WRONG with you, and its like. oh. okay. i have to do this by myself. and if i dont, then ill fail, and people will pay the price, and the people i love will rightfully hate me for my lapse of control. and then no one reaches out, about the injury confirmed by omeluum, or about kressas torture, and further still they ask him to face the only two people left who ever knew him before he lost everything, and kill them. and he cant save either of them and has to choose his loved ones NOW over his loved ones THEN, and everyones too embroiled in their own issues to even really fully realize.

and then you cant ignore it anymore. you cant ask him how to handle this, what to do, have him guide your hand or comfort you, because now HES the crisis. the problem, confirmed a hundred times over by a hubdred different people, stares you in the face and refuses to be ignored anymore. the defining injury, the last remaining legacy of a past you never really reckoned with because you sat on the sidelines for it, the last echoing rattle of a ghost you never thought about, is now here to claim the friend who saved your life without asking a single thing in return, and its doing so explicitly because YOU never once thought about it or how to handle it. and now its all coming down around you on what should have been your final victory, but you never tried to tie these threads up!! and if you dont figure something out NOW, your going to lose EVERYTHING

like god. i love it. i think everyone should have to sweat, and try for just a day to handle the sheer load of bullshit dirge had to deal with daily. like it isnt enough to care when he doesnt ask anything of you, now you have to put your money where your mouth is and do it of your own volition cuz now he cant ask for help. and not just him but you have to save your other two friends having their own crises concurrently, all while feeling woefully unequipped and worn down and exhausted, and maybe think about how youve never seen him sleep except in those brief and short rests you take while on the road, and how he has to bury his face in blankets every morning to hide from the sun or else hell vomit, and how much medicine he has to take just to do the same shit you do every day.

and like. of course all the origin characters are CAPABLE of leading! its just that theyre never made to in the same way they are during an origin playthrough, cuz in those there isnt a tav or a durge to save them for them. they have to do it themselves, and help carry everyone else besides. but that just adds to it for me, like you COULD have done something to help this earlier, but you didnt, because this was easier and didnt seem to have any consequence because.. what exactly?

that he just seemed inhumanly durable? he could handle it, he could do it, hes been doing fine so far, if he needed help hed ask for it (nevermind that youve forgotten that when he did last time, you wrote him off and then didnt connect the dots between a bard dying in camp and the upsetting scary violent urges he asked for help with before. do you ever wonder how scary it might be to wake up having absolutely zero control over your body and the actions it takes and seeing that, without your awareness, you killed someone you wanted to journey with? brutally, violently, sadistically murdered her, all without even a shred of awareness. you cant be trusted to lose control of yourself for even a moment), if he wanted to talk about what happened with kressa hed say so, if there was something to say about his injury it wouldve been said, if he ever reached out to me id have helped him like he helped me, but you didnt and you didnt and you didnt and now everythings going to shit and you dont know what to do because your first instinct is to ask him but you dont even know if hes conscious anymore, laid out on omeluums desk and steadily bleeding where you cant stitch it closed, and you have to make sure astarions okay, that karlachs okay, that your all okay, and he did this every day this whole time.

like personally i really just enjoy putting the party through their paces, JUUUST a lil bit

[lil-melody-moon]

Hello, darling… here comes what you’ve been waiting for all week 😏 the next fragment of the “A Quick One” revenge fanfic. Also, you’ll receive an ask with the release dates of each chapter very soon😉

I hope you enjoy it❤️

————————————————————————————

Ever since that night when you found yourself giving in to thoughts you shouldn’t have had, things began to feel different in your own home. Every day since, you felt more and more like someone was watching you. At first, you brushed it off, thinking it was just a result of the guilt you’d been carrying. Maybe your mind was playing tricks on you, making you feel paranoid when really, there was nothing to worry about. After all, it wasn’t like someone could actually be there. Your house wasn’t big, and you would have noticed if someone was lurking around, especially at night. It just didn’t make sense. So, you tried to ignore it, telling yourself that it was just in your head.

The phone calls with Frank were as they always had been, short, distant, and cold. Most of the time, it was you who had to make the effort, picking up the phone to call him, just to feel a connection, however small. On the rare occasions when he called you, it was never out of concern for how you were feeling. Instead, he’d ask about what you’d done throughout the day, but he never seemed to care if you were alright, if you were happy, or if you needed anything. One night, when the uneasy feeling of being watched became too much, you mentioned it to him, hoping for a bit of reassurance, or at least for him to take your worries seriously.

“I don’t know, Frank,” you said cautiously during one of your brief phone calls. “I’ve been feeling like someone’s watching me lately. I can’t explain it, but I don’t feel right in the house on my own.”

You waited for a response, expecting some kind of concern or at least understanding. Instead, Frank almost laughed.

“It’s impossible,” he said, his tone dismissive. “You’re imagining things. But if it makes you feel better, I can ask one of my mates to keep an eye on you from time to time. You know, just to make sure everything’s alright.”

His words were meant to comfort you, but instead, your heart pounded harder in your chest. The idea of one of his friends watching over you made you uneasy, and your mind immediately went to Ernie. The idea of him coming around to “check on you” sent a shiver through your body, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that it would complicate things even more

Still, you didn’t know what else to say. Frank had already brushed off your concerns, and you didn’t want to argue with him. So, with a tight knot in your stomach, you agreed.

“Alright,” you muttered, forcing the word out, even though every fibre of your being screamed against it.

After the call ended, you sat in the quiet of your home, the feeling of being observed hanging even heavier in the air. The thought of Ernie, watching over you filled your mind, and you couldn’t help but wonder if this situation was about to take a turn you weren’t ready for. But then again, you’d already crossed a line in your mind, and now you couldn’t help but wonder if this was the consequence you’d been dreading.

Hello, I'm so happy I can finally read this, omg! Oh, so you have it scheduled already? Huh, you're more close to suggestions than I was, but that's okay 💜

This fragment has a very creepy atmosphere to it, but I guess you aimed for that so I can safely say that you've achieved it.

Showing the call and how dismissive Frank is about my concerns is very well done. Of course he wouldn't believe me. It would be impossible for one of his friends to grab a key, make a spare one for himself and have an open door for himself to peep on me, of course, Franky, of course 🙄 You don't know your own friends, do you?

Love that at the mention of one of his friends coming over to check on me, I immediately think about Ernie. I would do that, I'm not gonna lie, I would. I would even fucking anticipate him, nervous, full of worry, knowing it'll make things more complicated, but still... 👀

I love this fragment, love the atmosphere, I'm going to comment on the next one right away!

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN ー Shin Ecstasy [05]

ー The scene starts in the guest room at the Vibora Castle

Carla: To think that Shin and I would end up missing each other...

This disease has done nothing but get in the way.

...

*Knock knock*

Carla: ーー What do you want?

ー Zweig enters the room 

Zweig: How are you, Great Founder King (1)?

Carla: ...No point in holding me hostage. 

Just go ahead and execute me already. 

Zweig: ーー Not in a million years! I would never do something so wasteful. 

Carla: What are you thinking? 

Zweig: As the Founder King, you have plenty of value. 

Your magic could even surpass that of Karlheinz’ descendants. 

What do you say, Carla? Will you join hands with me? 

Carla: ...I refuse.

Zweig: Haha...You are as cold as ever, aren’t you? 

I suppose I shall patiently wait for you to change your mind. Until we meet again.

ー He leaves

Carla: ...

ー The scene shifts to Carla’s room at Banmaden

Shin: What’s this...?

( I can’t believe Nii-san reorganized his personal belongings while we were gone... )

*Rustle* 

Shin: ...This notebook.

*Flip*

Shin: ( This is Nii-san’s handwriting...He must have written all of this up. )

Huh? ...This...

Monologue

When I went to Mother’s room,

because I needed to discuss something with her,

Uncle Ferzen who had been contaminated with Endzeit,

got there before me. 

Coming from the other side,

I could hear someone expressing their sincere remorse to mother,

leaking through the slight crack of the door,

as curiousity got the best of me, I stood there outside in the hallway.

ーー I truly feel ashamed of what I did. 

Uncle lowered his head again and again,

begging mother for her forgiveness. 

Mother told him,

to raise his head,

apologizing back just as many times. 

ーー “This is fate.”

Regardless,

Uncle continued to apologize. 

While it struck me as odd,

I could not bring myself to step forward.

Instead I returned to my room,

and pretended not to have seen anything. 

It was right after that happening,

Uncle disappeared without a traceーー

Shin: ( Uncle... )

( He might have felt responsibility for the fact that Mother and the Wolf Prince were not able to spend the rest of their lifes together. )

But...If I’m that Prince’s kid, then...

( It basically means Mother committed adultry whilst already being engaged to Father. )

...! Fuck this shit...!! Uu...

( I feel sick...My head is throbbing... )

*Rustle rustle* 

*TIMESKIP*

*Knock knock*

Yui: Shin-kun, I’m coming in, okayーー

ー Yui enters the room

Yui: ...!! Shin-kun!

ー She rushes to his side

*Rustle rustle*

Yui: ...Are you alright!? What happened!? 

Shin: Oh, it’s you...

*Thud* 

Shin: No...It’s nothing. I was just feeling a little tired, so I crouched down. 

Yui: ( Shin-kun...His face is sheer white. Is he really just tired? )

Selection

→ Press him for more answers

Yui: Shin-kun...If you’re struggling with someone, ask me for help. 

I don’t want you to keep secrets any longer...

Shin: ...My bad. But right now, it’s actually nothing.

Yui: ...Really? 

Shin: Yeah. So don’t worry, okay?

Yui: ( I feel as if...I only made it harder on him. )

→ Keep quiet and stroke his back (❦)

Yui: ( I’ll be quiet and stay by his side. ...No need to rush him. I’ll wait until he decides to talk himself. )

( I did promise I would back then after all. )

( But...I hope he’ll let me do this at the very least. )

*Rustle rustle* 

Yui: Shin-kun, will you feel a bit better if I stroke your back? 

*Rustle*

Shin: ...Yeah, thanks. I think I’ve calmed down a little. 

Yui: I see...I’m glad. 

Shin: ...You’re so nice.

Yui: Eh...?

Shin: Stay like this, just a little longer...

Yui: ( Shin-kun... )

*Thud* 

Shin: Hey, you’ll stay with me, no matter what happens, right? 

Yui: Yeah.

Shin: Hehe, an instant answer...

Yui: ...! I mean, I love...

Shin: Nn...

*Smooch* 

Yui: ...!

Shin: ...I know. How you feel. Everything. 

Because you’re here with me...I can keep going. 

*Rustle* 

Shin: Say, can I crave your attention even more?

Yui: ( It’s quite rare for him...to depend onto me like this. )

( Something really rough must have happened. )

ーー Sure, Shin-kun. You can let me spoil you even more.

I’ll be here for you, no matter what happens.

Shin: ...Thanks.

Monologue

ーー Thanks.

As he spoke those words while smiling,

Shin-kun’s expression was just so incredibly pained (痛々しく),

I was at a lost for words.

I pretended not to notice how his arms were shaking (震えている) as he held me,

or how his pretty remaining eye,

quivered with anxiety,

as I stroked the top of his head. 

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) Zweig calls him 始祖王殿 or ‘shiso-ou tono’, using the suffix for ‘Lord’ in combination with the title of ‘King’. 

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

day fourteen: traumatic touch aversion

a Vaniah story. word count 1,112.

He woke still afraid. He had slept at last, and dreamed of terrible things he forgot when he woke. But the fear remained. Maria, he thought. All he thought of, and all he cared for, was Maria. Vaniah got up, dressed hurriedly, went to the meeting hall. It was empty except for a man reading a book in the corner.

Hatred, so deep and poisonous it felt like a physical force, welled up within Vaniah. He clenched his fists and wished he had killed him yesterday.

“Hello, Vaniah,” said Jim, and put away his book. “I’ve been expecting you.”

Of course you have. You predict everything you do. You know me better than I know myself. “Oh?”

He got up with an easy smile. “I knew you’d come and find me.”

“You monster,” said Vaniah. He wanted to hit him again.

“Oh yes, I’m a monster.” Jim smiled again and made deliberate eye contact. “But you’re not, Vaniah. You know, you’re one of the rarest types of people I deal with. We get so many coming through this program.”

Despite himself, he was curious. “How many?”

“Your batch started out with just over two hundred. You probably haven’t noticed because you’re so focused on yourself, but we have added together other groups of people too as yours drop out or are sent away. There are nine of you left. It’s taken enormous strength and courage to get as far as you have. You’re special.”

Vaniah politely disbelieved. “How so?”

“You are the sort of person who will never budge, no matter what, from your convictions. No peer pressure can touch you, and once you have decided, nothing will sway you. You cannot be convinced to bend to another’s whim. And in that you are rare.”

He looked at Jim, uncertain what to think or how to act. “I don’t understand.”

“Most people are pushovers. I’m a pushover. Seneca was a pushover. You, meanwhile, will take a stand and hold it no matter what. You’re one of the few people who, if pushed to the extreme, will persist. I admire you for it.”

“What do you mean by the extreme?” he asked, warily. This boded no good for him.

“Death,” said Jim without hesitation. “You would die for your convictions.”

Vaniah laughed. “I would die for anything. Are convictions special?”

Jim appeared taken aback, and took a moment to find his words. “Vaniah, I hate to ask this, but… are you okay?”

Again he laughed. The sound was bitter. “You’ve been breaking me down; you admitted to that. Of course I’m not okay.”

“We don’t want you to die. That would do nobody any good. If you have to leave, you have to leave.”

“Last time I suggested I leave you made me stay. Why would you suddenly let me leave now?”

“We don’t want you to die,” he said carefully. “If this is pushing you too hard, you can leave.”

He stared at nothing. “And what would happen then?” He would be left without any help, deserted at the very moment he needed people who understood. He would be returned to his family, soft weak people who didn’t know anything about what he had been through or the strength it had taken to get here. “I think I’ll stay.”

“I think you need another round of hypnotherapy; one wasn’t enough.”

He felt Jim’s eyes on him; he fidgeted. “If you think that would help,” he said at last. “Will it make me feel better?”

“Perhaps it will give you the strength to bear it.”

“I thought you just told me I could bear it all anyway,” he demurred. “I thought that was the point of your little pep talk.”

“The only budging you will ever do will be complete and catastrophic—no little bending to the whims of others. If you break it will be because you killed yourself.”

“How do you know that of me?” It rang in his soul and he knew that it was true. “I didn’t know it myself until you told me.” But it was true, true, true.

“I know people.” Jim’s voice was warm and solid and real. “I’ve been watching you ever since you first showed up. I’m telling you, Vaniah: you’re special.”

He felt that he should hate Jim for telling him these things, for impressing them so firmly on him: but Jim was right. It was true. All he could feel against him was a tired sort of resignation. At last he changed the topic. “Why did you have to show me—why did you—” The words stuck in his throat. “Maria,” said Vaniah simply. “Why?”

“Needs must.” Jim began to walk away and Vaniah trailed after him. As they approached the door it opened, framing the last person he had expected to see there.

He stared and stared and stared at her. “Maria,” he repeated, stunned. “You—what—how?” She was well, fine, nothing like what he had seen yesterday. She was smiling at him, but the smile wavered and died in the face of his disbelief.

“What do you mean?”

“You—you—” He shook his head and could not speak. Maria moved towards him, perhaps to comfort him, but he shrank back. “Don’t touch me.” She stepped back immediately, and he was aware of Jim moving in on him too. “Don’t touch me!”

Jim was saying something in a comforting voice, but he could not—would not—be comforted. He turned and ran, out of the door and into the day.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Vaniah wrote a poem. It was neither well thought out nor good, but it helped a little with the terrible ache in his soul.

“And what do you do when you want to die? When your whole being cries out, that anything Would be better than this? Come, friend. You must Know what you do when you want to die. Because Otherwise, what do we do? What are we? I was a man once. I have been broken down into Something I do not want to see. The mirror is Hideous. And what do you do, what do you do When you want to die? Why, you go on—you go on And try to ensure nobody else feels that way ever again —except the people who deserve it. Like you.”

When he was finished writing it, he read it over and tore it up. Keeping it was no good. They’d probably search his belongings, find it, and hold it over his head forever; it wasn’t worth taking that risk.

But for the rest of his life he remembered how he felt when he first admitted to wanting to die.

[baileyboo2016]

merry Christmas! it's me, fae-spy, your secret santa! I hope you enjoy. I'm not super good with angst so I hope it's enough! I hope you have an amazing Christmas<3

Link had no idea what the winter solstice celebration was.

He had heard it mentioned once in a blue moon, from the odd passersby. The first time Link heard about it he was five years old. A while ago, he had just lost his family, and was living by the kindness of a few fairies. Though, they could not talk and had very little understanding of human needs.

He was in the market, which was a rare occurrence, to buy something with a little money he found on the side of the road. An older woman had mentioned something about how “winter solstice has no meaning without her grandchildren.” Link had asked her what the winter solstice was, but she paid him no mind. People barely talked to others outside their family in Hyrule, much less strangers.

Later that night, Link couldn't help but wonder what the winter solstice was. It was the only thing that was keeping his mind off of the cold. He was unable to find a coat to buy with his money. He huddled against the dark walls of his cave in a desperate attempt to feel warm.He was sniffling and shivering. He was cold and alone. The only thing that kept him alive at that moment was the hope that things would be better next winter.

…

“Are you okay?” Hyrule asked. The Chain was staying at Lon Lon Ranch for a bit on account of all the snow that piled up outside. Of course, Malon gave them chores to do like she always did. Hyrule and Wind were tasked with cleaning the guest rooms, and while they were making the beds, Hyrule could hear small sniffles coming from Wind’s side of the room.

“I’m fine,” Hyrule saw Wind bring his arm up to wipe his eyes. Wind sniffled once more.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Wind continued to make the bed.

“...Well, if you need anything let me know…” Hyrule went back to his chores. He was still awkward when it came to interactions with other people.

Not a minute later, Wind spoke up. “Do you think we'll be able to leave soon?” Hyrule thought that statement was odd. Wind always loved to see Malon and the ranch.

“Time says we can't leave until the snow lets up. It depends on if a portal appears or not then.”

“Oh… it's just… nevermind it's stupid.” Hyrule turned to face Wind. His eyes were glossy and red, matching his red, slight snotty nose. Wind usually looked small to the others in the Chain because he was the youngest. But Hyrule never thought he looked like the youngest, he always thought that was Four, because he was so short. However, right now, Wind looked like what he was, a child.

“Wind, what's wrong?”

He sat down on the bed. Gingerly, Hyrule sat down next to him. “I just miss Aryll… I mean, more than I usually do, since it's close to Christmas and all. I just wish I could make it in time…”

Hyrule had no idea what Christmas was since he grew up as an orphan in a crumbling country. Even though his curiosity was burning, he felt this wouldn't be a good time to ask. “Well… Legend has this theory that when we go through the portals we don't travel… linearly… through time I guess? Anyway, maybe you will be able to make it in time.”

“...yeah, I know I have you guys for Christmas, but without Aryll it isn't the same…” Hyrule didn't know how to respond to that. The only family he ever had were his dead parents and the fairies, so he didn't really understand.

“You two must be really close, huh?”

“Yeah…” Wind wiped his eyes again and stood up. “Don't tell anyone about this, ‘kay? …Promise?”

Hyrule nodded. “Promise.” He wasn't planning on telling anyone about Wind, but he was planning on figuring out what Christmas was.

…

Hyrule didn't really understand why he'd been sly with his inquiries, so he asked the first person he ran into after his chores were done. Which was Malon.

“Hey, Malon?” Malon paused cutting the vegetables for dinner. “... what's Christmas?”

Shocked features painted her face for a second before her lips formed into a soft smile. “It's just a celebration during the winter. People decorate, give each other gifts, stuff like that. Do they not have something like that in your Hyrule?”

Hyrule shrugged. “They had something called the Winter Solstice, but I never really did anything for it… when is it?”

Malon continued to chop the vegetables. “In a few days.”

“Oh, do you and Time celebrate it at all?”

“Of course! We were talking about doing it with y'all if your circumstances allow it. Wind has been seeming particularly sad lately, maybe it’d cheer him up, ya know.”

“You noticed too? …Maybe we could make it a surprise for him. Kinda like a surprise birthday party?”

Malon clapped her hands together. “That sounds like a great idea! I'll talk to Time and see what we can do!”

…

“Wind,” Hyrule shook Wind softly. “Wind, wake up. It's important.”

Wind rubbed his eyes and groaned. “What?”

“Come down stairs, quick!”

Eventually, Hyrule coaxed when to stumble out of bed. They walked to the living room together. A soft glow was drifting out of the living room paired with soft whispers.

As the two walked into the living room, they were met with the sight of a lit fireplace surrounded by presents and a tree decorated with red bows and candles in jars. Everyone sat in front of the presents. Time sat right next to Sky, making sure he didn't fall asleep.

“Merry Christmas!”

Wind grinned widely, now fully awake, “wow, thanks you guys!"

“Are you just gonna stand there looking stupid?” Legend remarked, holding a gift out to him. “Or are you going to open your present?”

Giddily, Wind grabbed the gift and quickly unwrapped it. Taking off the paper revealed the gift to be an ornament. A telescope one, in fact, just like Aryll’s. It was red and orange with small seagulls.

Wind eyes started to water slightly as he looked at the telescope. “Thank you!” He said to everyone. Then, he ran to Hyrule and tackled him with a hug.

Hyrule smiled, this might just have been his best winter yet.

awwww omg this is so sweet???? 🥺🥺🥺🥺 poor rulie, im glad he gets to have a good christmas with his family!! sky trying not to fall asleep is such a mood LMAOOO. and wind needs a hug too :((

thanks so much and merry christmas fae-spy!! 🥰🥰🎄🎄

[takeeachdayonebookatatime]

Why did you elbow me? 179

Achilles Castle part 81

Lemonade and lies PART 24

Kate: pov Liv has scars all over her body from Lewis and I have the one from the bullet and the other from the emergency heart surgery I had. Jet and Muncy are all dressed, me and Liv are putting the finishing touches on our outfits. Castle was nice enough to iron the words Captain Olivia Benson and Captain Kate Beckett onto the back of our shirts. Which is actually kind of cool, that way people know who we are. Once our makeup and hair is done I start to pack my emergency bag. Muncy and Jet are very curious as to what I'm putting in my bag. I explain how I have to put my meds, a mini fan in case it's hot in the arena/venue, a water bottle and a snack just in case.

Liv: pov I help her to make sure we don't forget anything. I can hear Castle mention from his office that it is raining hard outside now. I'm driving Kate's car since it's full of gas. Jet asks if we can put on some Taylor swift for the car ride there. Traffic is moving slowly on the way to the arena because of the rain. I'm trying to find a parking space. Muncy says can't we park in front? I can't get wet, my outfit is too nice. Hey Kate aren't you considered disabled. Can't you get us front parking. Do you have one of those disability plaques that old and disabled people have? I know what Muncy just said is bothering Kate I turn to the back seat and say to Muncy don't you ever say that again do you understand me. She looks shocked. I tell her it is not okay to refer to Kate as disabled because she is not and don't compare her to old people it's just wrong. I understand you're thinking about yourself and only yourself at the moment but did you ever think that getting wet might not be good for Kate.

Muncy: pov after i apologize to Kate she says I forgive you, everyone makes mistakes and says things they regret. Jet says to Kate you forgave Muncy pretty quickly, she says not the first time I forgave someone that quickly. I ask who the person was, Liv says it's a touchy subject. Kate says my Captain who was sadly dirty and killed bob armen, my mom was helping clear pulgatti’s name since he got blamed for it. Kate looks sad, sorry I brought it up. Liv says she left her brother a nasty voicemail and regretted it. She parks in front since Kate has a thing saying she can.

Jet: pov Kate grabs her bag and we head towards the arena. The guards at the door have to check her bag. She explains to the guard that she has a heart condition and these are her meds in case of an emergency after explaining a little more he lets us through. Liv says afterwards we need to hit the gift shop so I can get Jessie and Billie each a shirt. Meet and greet is starting soon, Liv has plans to also get them an autograph or maybe a special message from Taylor. Turns out our tickets include meet and greet. Kate looks nervous. Liv and her are trying to Find an employee or someone from the venue because she has to mention that Kate has a heart condition and to ask where the defibrillator is in case of an emergency, which Kate says would be a rare occurrence For her to need it.

Liv: pov the line for the meet and greet is kind of long. I made sure to tell Amanda in advance just in case I can get a video message for the girls. It's almost our turn, once the person in front of us gets their picture it's our turn. Before we get our tour programs signed and our picture taken. Taylor says so do cardiac surgeons actually fix bullet holes. She must mean what's written on Kate's shirt. Kate says in my case they did, Taylor says no way you were shot, Where? Kate says at my Captains funeral, Taylor says no I meant on your body.

Kate: pov oh I misunderstood what you were asking. I was actually shot in the heart, the bullet grazed my left ventricle and left inferior pulmonary vein. Went into cardiac arrest twice and had a collapsed lung. Spent 3 months on disability, I have a heart condition, a weak immune system and very loud noises trigger my PTSD.

Taylor Swift: pov oh my that sounds awful, must have been hard recovering from that did you say you were shot at your Captain's funeral, Kate says yes. so I take it, your police she says yes a homicide Captain out of the 12th precinct. Liv is an SVU Captain out of the 16th precinct, Muncy is one of her detectives and Jet is a detective with organized crime.

Kate: pov My captain did something that was wrong when he was a rookie he killed Bob armen an undercover federal agent, he and 2 other cops pinned it on Joe pulgatti with the help of senator bracken. bracken hired someone to kill my mom then tried to kill me but i lived which is a miracle because they weren't sure if i was going to make it. Liv asks if she can get a video message for Jessie and Billie, her nieces who are home sick and had to miss the concert. Which Taylor says yes to.

Amanda: pov Liv let me know in advance just in case. That way I would be ready with the girls. I tell Billie and Jessie aunt Liv is calling, I wonder why. As soon as Liv and Taylor appear on screen the girls start screaming excitedly. She chats with them for a few minutes and tells them she hopes they feel better.

Muncy: pov our photos come out cute, Liv says we should head to the bathroom before we sit in our sets. The line isn't too bad for the bathroom. A woman in the bathroom comes up to Kate and asks if she is the woman who put the senator in prison. Kate says yes, the woman then asks Liv if she was the officer William Lewis took. Liv says sadly yes, not something you really want to remember. To be continued. …………

[devcted]

he made them just before she was born and now he's laying here, still the same age as she is today. even for a witch the concept seems strange, it's very rare that people can come back from the dead because if they did...she would've figured out a way to have cedric back a long time ago. "no one ever believed me when I thought those rocks were important...there's no common spell for such a thing." she's even more curious about him smiling softly. "unfortunate it didn't bring your clothes with it huh? ottery is freezing this time of morning." not that she's complaining about seeing him like this even though she shouldn't even look.

he must be scared and in distress, the world was much different from what it used to be. his peers would be the age of her mom and dad's, his family had grown older too... not even the school robes looked the same from pictures she saw of her mother when she was her age. his whole world flipped upside down and she can't help but feel bad, wishing she could hug him tight and tell him everything was okay even if it isn't. "someone is finishing what you started regulus...it's harry and he's a great wizard you don't have to worry about anything other than getting better right now, okay?"

she'll tell him if voldemort and everything soon, but she needs the right words to figure out how to tell him without making him think his death was pointless. he didn't deserve to live with that guilt. how sirius had been accused, how voldemort killed her brother by peter's hand and was responsible for so much bad long after regulus died. she wants him to know the good stuff first, cushion the blow because there was still good in the world and if regulus truly did due to stop voldemort than he was the greatest key of them all in helping harry and his friends. "I'll send an owl to harry as soon as we get home, he'll be happy to help and I'm sure your brother would be so happy to see you." who wouldn't be glad to see such a pretty face? especially after thinking he would never see regulus again. "I'm sure sirius could use the good news, harry told me the only family he has is his family house elf..who seems to have a bit of a temper." she giggles because it's kind of cute thinking of a cranky little house elf driving sirius black mad. "he must've been yours right? I guess you'll be happy to know he's still here too. see? you have family still...and now you also have me."

her mom was very loved in ottery mostly because a lot of her medicines and herbs helped them, even if you had a slight sneeze emma diggory was the door to go to. bee wants to help the way her mom does one day but with the wizards taken care of she will take care of the creatures that are misunderstood and in danger. just like newt himself.

regulus seems surprised when she says her mom's name, proceeding to also point out her maiden name. "oh god you didn't date my mom did you? I forget she was like this beautiful it girl...." that would put a huge damper on the whole crush thing (though maybe the fact he went to school with her parents should've been the nail on the coffin to begin with.) he asks about her dad too which makes her frown a bit. "well...I." she loved her dad regardless of the bullshit, he was far from perfect but he could've easily been lucius malfoy status of horrible but their relationship was probably beyond repair after she found out the truth, her mother's affair with an ex boyfriend who amos was always threatened by...remus was her father and it should surprise her that regulus catches on so quickly but he was around for the teen romance wasn't he?

"yeah...yeah he is....you know your brother gave me that same look when he found out? said I had remus's smile." she laughs a bit because of how silly it is. her life was a bad drama, one she couldn't escape from or take a break. "its weird because you still look my age but you're talking as if you were friends with all of these people, I can't wrap my head around it." the cutest boy in the world and he just had to be complicated didn't he? maybe she's attracted to it cause it doesn't even turn her off that he is supposed to be her parents age now, he speaks and looks like a teenager and if he died at this age it means he froze at this age right?

"you don't have to thank me, let's just get you somewhere warm and figure out what to do next? you're probably hungry took." her mom told her she would have breakfast ready upon bee's return. fresh berry pancakes with home made surp. her own tummy growls just at the thought as she places alfie back into his basket. she makes sure the blanket is snug on regulus as blue eyes flicker up to meet his green ones it's when he calls her beautiful that she ant resist a smile, eyes falling a bit cause it makes her shy as she presses her lips together. "try telling me again when you're less dehydrated.." she says softly because she doesn't know if he even knows what he's saying.

was he really hitting on her? it makes her feel butterflies where they shouldn't be. this has to be a dream because it shouldn't be possible for someone as perfect as he to look at her and actually make her feel like this right? "but thank you....I like your eyes." she says shyly.

he tries to get up and so she helps him, tucking her arm under his and using her shoulder to prop him up. she images it's going to be a bit hard getting around until he's at least properly fed and taken care of, though he already towers over her she tries to guide him towards the home. "my dad is at work so it's just me and my mom..." she trials off because she remembers how empty home is without cedric. "I guess we have to explain to her why I'm bringing a naked guy home who just happened to look exactly like one of her classmates in 1979 but she'll help us." she says gently as she walks with him.

it doesn't take long to reach her home, just as she said it's right outside of the forest, almost part of it as it's grown into a tree. she can already smell emma's pancakes as hey approach the door, pushing it open as they step inside. it wasn't very big but it was homey, lit up by the morning son as the pair walk in. she lets go of regulus, seeing no sign of her mom yet who must be out in the garden but she does spot the pancakes. "here, go sit....i should go grab you some clothes and figure out how we're going to tell this all to my mom." she says gently pointing towards her chair where her mother had left the breakfast before she makes her way to cedric's old room.

he smiles thinly as she realizes what he did with the rocks, seeming surprised, which is cute. “yes.. i carved those sigils in 1979. before you were born, i’m guessing.” it’s a weird thought, especially because this girl is so beautiful and seems to be exactly his age. does he know her parents? just the thought makes him queasy, realizing he’s completely out of his own world. “there’s this dark magic i had to undo, or else lord voldemort couldn’t be defeated. i knew i would die, so i tried to set up a counter measure, but it wasn’t going to bring me back until someone finished what i started.” he can’t quite comprehend why it took this long and he’s worried now that it’s all too late.

she touches his face and his heart races a little, looking up at her in surprise to see that look of awe on her pretty face. he wouldn’t have thought of it this way— it’s more horrifying than interesting. but she seems fascinated, touching him so softly that it makes his heart feel like it’s going to beat from his chest. she’s the most beautiful girl he’s ever laid eyes on, even more beautiful than the girl everyone wanted in his year at hogwarts. he wishes that she existed then— maybe she would’ve liked him.

it seems like a silly thing to think about when she had just found him naked and dying in the middle of a forest. “yes, just like that, i suppose,” he finally says. “i don’t remember my death but i also don’t remember what happened after, so i guess it’s like i time traveled.” he’s still seventeen, mentally and physically.

she doesn’t answer his question about voldemort, which puts icy fear in the pit of his stomach. it really was all for nothing, then, wasn’t it? kreacher couldn’t destroy the horcrux, so who did? maybe he made things harder, moving it from the cave it was protected in. he feels sick, the tears welling up again, but this pretty girl is stroking his cheek and it makes his stomach feel warm. she tells him nobody dies for nothing and he tries to cling to the sound of her warm voice as one tear spills over, rolling down his cheek.

he doesn’t trust himself to speak, so he just listens as she tells him they’ll figure it out together. when she tells him sirius is safe, he breathes a sigh of relief, feeling part of the weight lifted from his chest. he doesn’t know who harry is, but presumes he’s james’s son. “yes… i’d like to talk to him.” before he died, it was different; they weren’t on speaking terms. regulus knew he wouldn’t see sirius again, and that their relationship was broken beyond repair after all of the fights and stubbornness. sirius seemed to think he chose their parents over him, and maybe in a way he did, thinking it was the right thing to do and what would bring him love and honor. but now he knows he was wrong, and he did everything he could to try and undo his own damage to this world, hoping he could help kill voldemort if nothing else. it’s not like sirius had wanted him alive, anyway. his parents didn’t love him as they should, either— they encouraged every bad thing he did, and even if they seemed a little uneasy about how far voldemort went, they wouldn’t renounce their support or swallow their pride. they wouldn’t love regulus for who he was, and he knew they would still hate him if he told them he was done with their ideology. 

but now everything is different. regulus tried and failed and has nowhere else to go. maybe he can explain how he changed— tell kreacher he can be honest with sirius now about what happened. if kreacher is still alive, anyway. the thought brings him even more grief, tears falling from his eyes now.

he tries to focus, wiping his tears and taking the bottle because she handed it back to him. it’s only when she explains more about the pumpkin juice and says her mother’s name that he stops, feeling a different kind of fear settle in his stomach. “emma? was her maiden name ainsworth?” it would explain why bee is even more beautiful than the popular girl of his year, if she’s her daughter. he frowns, remembering that the seeker of hufflepuff house’s last name was diggory. amos diggory, in fact. “is your father amos?” he seems to remember rumors of him pursuing emma; or at the very least wanting her attention when remus lupin was the one who had it. remus was maybe the only friend of sirius that regulus liked, because he didn’t join in on any of james’s antics, instead annoyed by them. he was smart, too— in a way the others weren’t. he can’t imagine why emma would have chosen amos over remus, but it’s none of his business. especially not now, seventeen years later when he’s a nobody in this world.

she did say her father situation was complicated, which makes him think. “by complicated, do you mean… are you remus lupin’s daughter?” he frowns again, both because it’s weird that this is happening and because it would make a lot of sense if she was. he can see him in her, both in her beauty and kindness.

regulus looks at the cute niffler, a small smile tugging at his lips as bee pulls the blanket out. she rambles that it’s not very warm, which makes him feel a rush of affection for her. how could she be helping him and giving him everything and still be so humble? “thank you, bee.” he’s grateful as she wraps it around him, his hands taking the fabric and pulling it tight. 

she somehow looks even more beautiful now than she did a moment ago, the light hitting her face in just the right way and her facial features so focused as she wraps him up. “i wish we met under better circumstances… because then i would tell you how beautiful you look right now.” he gives her a little smile, starting to shift into a standing position. his legs feel weak, his head a little faint. “lead the way.” he has reservations about emma ainsworth seeing him as he was when they were seventeen, but it’s not like he has a choice.

[bandaged-writer]

𝗠𝗔𝗞𝗘 𝗜𝗧 𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧.

↠ pairing. dazai x reader

↠ genre. angst, heartbreak, happy ending

↠ warnings. not proof-read

↠ words. 1k

↠ summary. you knew that if you turned around, you would never be able to let dazai go and let him have the life he deserved

↠ notes. it's been actual years since i've posted anything on this account and the first thing i write at 7 am gotta be angst 👩🏻‍🦯 anyways, i hope you enjoy this little something i whipped up on a whim ✨

When the lights illuminating Yokohama were exceptionally pretty, in a spot that only you and Dazai knew, the birds were still chirping underneath the setting sun. The sky, dipped in hues so blue that it rivalled the sadness within the man's heart, hung above you like some sort of omen.

"You called me out here to say goodbye, didn't you?" Breaking the silence first, you gave Dazai a smile. One that he admitted to adore when he thought you were sound asleep in his bed.

"How did you know?" Dazai asked, a rare, surprised glimmer in those eyes that always seemed so void of any life left.

You chuckled, it lacked any humor. "I have heard of Odasaku's passing, Osamu. Rumor had it that a mafia executive went after him and never came back. I had a hunch it was you."

Dazai let a half-smile grace his features. Attentive as always, although your head seemed to be up in the clouds, believing in everything that was deemed good, but refusing to judge him who had done everything that was deemed evil.

Before Dazai could speak another word, you beat him to it. "You wish to leave, don't you?"

Not the brightest tool in the shed, they liked to call you. But you had managed to figure Dazai out, an endless puzzle of complex thoughts and an inexplicable desire for death that ran as deep as the ocean. Despite that, you willingly drowned in his sea.

"I can't hide anything from you, can I?" Dazai came to a stop in the middle of a field of grass, trees and dandelion seeds as he took in your appearance.

Your eyes got glassy underneath the last sunrays and threatened to spill like an overflowing sink and for once, Dazai understood a feeling he had never quite felt before until he lost Odasaku and stood in front of you.

The fear of losing those he loved.

He always said that the things worth wanting were always lost the moment he obtained them, yet he feared this moment, because this was the end of the one good thing he managed to obtain.

Dazai remembered the day he met you for the very first time at Lupin by Odasaku's side. The only person left of a small-scale group, Oda had said while you were shoving a piece of strawberry cake down your throat. Oh, how horribly you had cried and how hilarious you looked with whipped cream stuck to the corner of your lips.

Back then, Dazai hadn't thought much of you. You were merely another person with another tragedy upon their shoulders. Too innocent, too soft for the mafia. Not even one good quality did you possess that could qualify you to be part of the Port Mafia.

Each time Dazai had seen you again, you'd prove him wrong and his interest in you was the demise of the heart he had buried six feet under.

"It's okay if you wish to leave. I won't stop you," you said and cupped Dazai's cheeks. His skin was warmer than usual, you silently noted.

"I will never see you again once we turn our backs on each other. Are you sure?" He leaned into your touch, his hand resting atop yours.

"Of course!" Now, the tears were rolling down your cheeks and you cussed underneath your breath. "Ah, you shouldn't see me cry. You have to remember my smiling face!" Hurriedly, you wiped the tears from your face and forced a smile upon your lips. "Girls look prettier when they smile, after all."

Dazai couldn't help the light-hearted laugh slipping his lips or his hands that dried your tears. "Belladonna, how could I ever forget your smile?"

The last sniffles left you. "Promise?"

"..I promise."

And when dandelion seeds got stuck in Dazai's hair while he was wearing a smile so gentle, you knew it was the right decision to let him go. Whatever plan he had up his sleeve, you knew it was better than being stuck in this hell disguised as the mafia.

Yes, he'd be well.

Even if it was without you, this was all you had ever wanted for the man you had terribly fallen in love with.

He'd be well.

Standing on your tippy toes, fingers grasping the soft fabric of his blazer, you pressed a kiss to Dazai's cheek. Your breath fanned across his skin as you spoke in soft, broken tones. "Take care, Osamu."

A heart heavy as lead beat within your chest as you turned your back to Dazai and walked away. Each step was more painful than the previous, each step tore that heart within you apart, but you couldn't bear to see the face Dazai was making.

You knew that if you turned around, you would never be able to let Dazai go and let him have the life he deserved.

It wasn't until five years later that Kunikida pulled Dazai back to the Agency after his hell of a partner nearly buried himself on a client's farm. Kunikda was certain that he would die of a heart attack caused by none other than the bandage-wasting machine that went by the name of Dazai Osamu.

"If you wanna bury yourself, do it in your free time! Because of you, our next client has been waiting 5 minutes and 35 seconds longer than scheduled!," Kunikida scolded his colleague, dragging him up the stairs by the collar like a sack of potatoes.

Dazai whined. "You sure love your schedules, huh?"

When Kunikida ripped the door open and the light coming from within the Agency briefly blinded Dazai, he could hear chatter and laughter coming from within. One voice belonged to Yosano, another one to Tanizaki and the other one to someone who he had silently cherished like a prayer in his heart.

"Oh! There they are." Yosano said.

After years of vowing to yourself to not turn back, you finally did. Not a hint of regret lingered in your eyes when you saw Dazai again and smiled at him like you always did when he used to cross paths with you in the mafia.

The decision to let him go that evening was indeed the right one, you concluded after seeing the spark of something in his eyes.

"Right. I have a request for you."

[slothgiirl]

the medic (keith x reader)

17k. something weird’s going on with keith, like alien weird. as the team medic, you’re concerned.

“So he is avoiding me,” you muse aloud, grabbing one of the pink alien food biscuits that were Hank’s latest experiment. Though it had been hours since Voltron had taken out the Galra Empire’s presence on this Balmera, you’d only just seen the last of your patients. Altean medical equipment did wonders.

After a battle, you were hardly surprised to find Hank in the kitchen, grounding himself as he cooked. You were surprised to run into Keith.

“Yeah,” Hank nods, “Probably trying to avoid another dental exam.”

You flush bright red, “His teeth fell out! Sorry for being concerned.” Between you and Lance, you’d managed to get a look at Keith. A fist fight with some alien species that was cooperating with the Galra had not gone Keith’s way, knocking out two of his teeth.

Shiro, predictably, had waved it off and accepted Keith’s insane explanation that his teeth would grow back on their own without question: given his hand waving of the red paladin’s eyes glowing slightly in the dark, more than any human’s should (human eyes didn’t glow at all!). Hindsight was twenty twenty.

The yellow paladin shrugs as he mixes orange noodle-esque things in a bowl.

Team Voltron was full of strong personalities. Add in Lotor and his friends dropping in, there was always something going on.

Hank just wanted to unwind from spending the past few hours destroying heavy duty mining equipment without hurting the planet. “So how are the biscuits?”

You chew on one, still bothered by Keith. Maybe Hank was right and he was trying to hide something from your keen gaze. You hoped not. Knowing the red paladin, and after two years in space, you certainly did, he’d rather suffer in silence until there was no other option than get medical attention. Back on earth with needles and scalpels, you understood, but in the Castle of Lions…

“Kind of like a rice cracker,” you tell Hank helpfully. “In a good got snacks at H-Mart way, not the sad quaker oats rice snacks.”

“Oh H-Mart,” Hunk smiles, “they don’t have those in space. They do have salt though. Found that at the last market we went to.”

“As long as alien food doesn’t poison us,” you comment. It was lucky that hadn’t happened. It was alien food. But not one negative reaction which either made humans some of the most hardy species or you were just lucky.

“Yeah,” Hunk chuckles, “I’ve gotten pretty good at recognizing what’s edible and not. I know Pidge said there’s some books, but my Altean is pretty bad.”

“Languages are hard.”

“Wish there was a space version of google translate.”

“Hunk-”

“Yeah.”

“That’s genius!” You look at the yellow paladin, wondering how a universe with speech translators never thought to do the same for written language.

“I know,” Hunk smiles while popping another tray into the oven.

—————

Lance finishes painting your toenails. It was a rare day when there were no space battles or rebel meetings. “Pidge,” the blue paladin whines, “let me paint your-”

“Don’t even think about it!”

“It’s supposed to be team bonding night,” Lance counters.

“Lance,” Allaura frowns from where she’s sitting with Shiro, “the castle’s night cycle has not started.”

“Well we can change it,” he counters, “there’s no up or down in space. OR day or night.”

“You can paint my nails,” Hunk offers. “Won’t last long though between the cooking and the vents I’ve been cleaning. This is a 10,000 year old castle. No offence,” he glances at Allura.

“No offence at all. The battles have taken their toll and I’m sure Coran appreciates the help. He is only one man.” She lets out a sigh. The only other remaining Altean was a bittersweet subject for her.

Hunk kicks off his shoes. “My pleasure. Literally. This Castle is so cool. The artificial gravity alone!”

You watch the paint dry on your toes. Only your big toes had actual drawings on them, strange alien creatures you’d all encountered over your time in space. The others were clear with green and blue swirls. “You’re a good artist Lance.”

The blue paladin winks, “I’m a regular old Michaelangelo.”

You laugh, “of course you are.”

“And I’m not just good with a brush,” he wiggles his eyebrows, more boyish flirting than anything serious.

You roll your eyes.

Pidge throws a cushion at Lance. “Oh please like you’ve got past the first date!”

“I have! Vivian Tran from Calculus.”

“Can you focus on my nails,” Hunk asks, but Lance is busy waving the thin brush in hand as he argues with Pidge.

“And Atticus from Cantonese.”

“Didn’t you drop that class,” Hank asks.

“Well, the hindi teacher was way nicer and didn’t hate me. I was good at drawing the characters though.”

“Can you speak hindi,” you ask, having taken French for your language fulfillment.

“Eh-” Lance shrugs.

“Can you flirt in Hindi is the real question,” you ask with a grin.

“He can’t even flirt in English,” Pidge points out scathingly.

“Hey!”

“My nails Lance,” Hunk grumbles.

“Right. Right,” Lance focuses back on his task, going with a yellow that matches Shay. “What language did you take Shiro?”

“English.”

“How many dialects does Earth have,” Allura asks.

“A lot,” Shiro tells the alien princess. “The Garrison pushes being multilingual in its program. Most cadets were already bilingual to start with, generally covering major languages.”

“Ah.”

“Got bored of the training room,” Pidge asks Keith as he walks in, flopping down on an empty sofa.

“It timed out.”

“Sure,” Lance immediately starts, a dog with a bone, “not like you couldn’t beat it or anything.”  

“You can’t even get past level 9!” Keith growls back, sitting up with a jolt, skin still slick from sweat and his cheeks were flushed with exertion.

Lance gets up, puffing out his chest. Oh boy, here they go again. The rivalry thing they had going on got old fast to everyone around them. While it did push them to be better paladins, it was annoying to hear. “Oh like you’re any better.”

Hunk takes the brush from Lance, finishing off his last toe on his own.

“I am,” Keith bites back, a growl still audible from his chest.

“Only because you cheat!”

“It’s not cheating!”

“How is it not-” Lance stops, furrows his brow, then grins. “You got a little something there.” And like a thirteen year old, Lance points and laughs.

Keith frowns, his hand coming up to his cheek.

Sure enough, Lance was right. Keith had a couple of angry red blemishes on his cheek.

“You have adult acne,” Lance giggles, immature as ever. He was always able to find an angle to everything. It was what made him such an excellent strategist.

“It’s not adult acne!” Keith scowls, scratching at the blemishes.

“Its been three years,” Lance retorts smugly.

You frown. “No. It’s been like two.” You look over at Pidge to confirm, “Right?” You were like ninety percent sure you were twenty.

“Two and a half,” Pidge answers.

“Ha! You’re twenty! Adult-”

“I don’t have adult acne!”

They’d fought over more meaningless things before.

If it was two and a half years, maybe you were twenty one? You frown. How old would you be before you ever saw your family again?

Stashing that depressing thought away, you focus on Keith and the red marks on his cheek like a line coming down to his jaw. “It could be a rash,” you utter thoughtfully. Pidge and you had already encountered a very itchy plant before. “Or space ringworm-ring line?”

For the first time in days, Keith looks at you, meeting your gaze. “It’s not a rash!”

You lift your hands up, “okay. Okay. Geez.” When it came to Keith, you didn’t push too hard. He was too stubborn for it to work.

Lance, however, “hey, it’s okay Keith-buddy, just use toothpaste.”

“Toothpaste makes it worse,” Hunk counters. “Not great for your skin either.”

“It always worked for me,” Lance counters. “Or a clay skin mask.”

“Clay? You mean that green mud,” Keith clarifies.

“It’s clay!”

“Clay would work,” you agree with Lance. “Hey it could be like a spa day!”

“I could go for a spa,” Hunk nods.

Pidge shakes her head, “right. I’m going to try and see if I can get a signal back home.”

Shiro looks over at you, “do you really think it could be something serious?”

You shrug. “No clue.”

Keith huffs, “Just drop it,” he states dramatically, headed for the door. He was over being the center of attention.

“So face masks?”

You nod, “want to try it Allura?”

“I would love to try the clay mask,” she smiles brightly.

——————

Te-Osh’s rebels had sent for Voltron, less fighting than rebuilding.

While you were no paladin, you had spent the majority of the day helping Allura take stock and synthesizing medicine, everything from serums to numbing gels. Just your luck the machine had overheated and given out on the last batch. It was a pretty large machine.

You stick your head inside, waving off the smoke. With your nails, you pry open the hutch and take stock. You were no Pidge or Hunk, still unsure how the thing even worked, but it was clear it needed a new regulator and starter. “Plenty of those lying around,” you utter, scrunching your face at the awful burnt hair smell. Your finger finds the ventilator button on your wrist controls, and there-the smell gets sucked out of the room.

“Is this a bad time,” Keith asks behind you.

Startled, you bang your head on the mental. “Keith,” flushing hotly when you look back and realize you were ass up in front of him.

He doesn’t even notice, grimacing, hand rubbing his nose bridge.

“What’s wrong?” You hurry to wash your hands.

Keith sits down at one of the medbay tables. “My skull feels like it’s being cracked open,” he explains flatly.

You look him over closely, standing right in front of him. “Where exactly,” you ask, frowning when you notice the blemishes had grown to a full blown rash, hot angry skin peeling and cracking like twin marks down his cheeks. You should have pressed. What if it was a parasite? Keith was half galra.

It was easily forgotten given how human he looked. Sure, the signs were there: his unhuman night vision, more strength than he should have, good ears and nose, nails that had torn through metal, but it all faded into the background.

“Does it itch,” you ask, raising your hand, fingertips hovering over the marks on his cheeks.

“Yes,” Keith nods, averting his eyes from your gaze, “mostly it’s hot. And my sinuses…all the way down to my neck. Hurt.”

“Hm,” you turn, reaching for the medical scanner. There was no way you could ever go back to being a medical officer at the galaxy garrison. Earth’s technology was ancient in comparison. “Hold still.”

“Alright,” he says seriously. Keith holds his breath.

You look up at him, in his violet eyes, and smile before laughing. “Keith!”

“You said to hold still,” he points out sincerely, before the corners of his lips turn up. Keith was an expressive guy, his smile lit up his entire being, a lightness in his eyes that made you smile wider.

“Let’s try this again,” you giggle, clicking the scanner and aiming right at his rash first. “Pew.”

He rolls his eyes, snorting. “You too?”

“Mine’s the only right one,” you wink, then look over the reading.

“Not even close.” He scratches at his cheek listlessly.

Whatever reason he had for avoiding you had worked itself out. You’d missed his company.

“Oh yeah,” you challenge, “then what’s the sound?” The readings came up clear. Keith was in perfect health. So not a parasite…space allergies? Those wouldn’t come up on the scanner.

“What is it,” Keith asks, noticing your pensive expression.

“How’s your sense of smell? Stuffy nose?”

He looks up, then takes a deep breath, “now that you mention it…I can’t smell your soap anymore.”

“What?” This was news to you. “You can smell my soap?”

“And whatever planet we’ve been on,” Keith fidgets, blushing as he ducks his head, bangs falling over his eyes, “the soil. It’s all different. But I can’t right now.”

That was worrying. But if the scanner said nothing was wrong…you had to wait and see. It might clear up on its own. You’d give it a day or two.

“Nothing came up on the scanner,” you tell him, “so it should go away on its own. It might just be allergic to something out here.”  

He nods, accepting your diagnosis.

“Let me get the medicine.”

“Mhm.”

You pass him a tube of gel and add that to the list of medication you need to synthesize once you fix the machine. Then grab a weekly supply of pain tabs. “Here.”

Keith pops one in immediately.

“Let me know if it doesn’t clear up in two days,” you tell him.

“Worried?”

“Eh, I can always set Lance on you again,” you snort. Shiro was a pushover when it came to Keith. He was no help.

Keith laughs, looking a little more himself. “I could take him.”

“You could,” you agree, “but don’t tell him I said that.”

He tilts his head, smiling. “Coming? Shay got food for us.”

“I’ve got to fix this machine first.”

“Need help?”

“Might ask Hunk or Coran,” you admit.

“I could-”

“No,” you cut him off, placing your hand on his shoulder, “go eat and rest. That’s an order.”

Keith leans into you. “Are you going to write me a doctor’s note too,” he asks, his delivery always so earnest you had to do a double take to figure out if he was joking or not.

“If I have too,” you stick your nose in the air. “I’ll even send one to Zarkon.”

Keith laughs easily. “Why didn’t Lotor think of that.”

You snort. “I’m going to check your lymph nodes,” you tell him, taking a step towards him again. “That okay?”

Keith tilts his head back, “Go for it.”

“Wow,” you chuckle, “who are you and what did you do with Keith Kogane.” You brush his hair out of his face.

“What?”

“Remember when you broke your arm,” you point out, gently pressing your fingers over the side of his throat, feeling the swelled bean shaped lymph nodes under his ears, behind his jaw. “And said nothing for like a week?” It had been your first year at the Galaxy Garrison.

“It was only a sprain,” Keith grumbles.

“Still!” You laugh, “I’m glad you asked for help.” Because this was still Keith and you didn’t want him to think you were laughing at him.

“Mm,” he closes his eyes as you trail your fingers lower, making sure it wasn’t too bad.

The fact they were inflamed at all worried you. You had no clue what was the space equivalent of antihistamines.

Keith’s breath tickles your shoulder, deepening and evening out like he’d finally relaxed. That was most of your patients once you gave them answers and they knew they’d be getting care and treatment. You liked helping people.

You pull your fingers back, ever the consummate professional. It was like the ghost of your garrison advisor was hovering over your shoulder. “They’re not too swollen if you can still eat. Can you still chew?”

“Hm?”

Keith opens his eyes. His expression is glazed and feverish.

“Keith,” you utter, worried.

“Yeah?” His gaze is heavy as it meets yours.

Your skin warms up because he wouldn’t stop looking at you like that.

“Any jaw pain,” you ask, focusing on the task at hand. You bring your hand up to his forehead. He was warm.

Keith leans into your touch, “no.”

“Good.” You bite your lip. Could it be some weird galra thing? Wouldn’t it have come up? You feel your own forehead. He was for sure warmer.

You were going to have to corner Coran about it.

Keith lets his eyes fall shut again and honest to god purrs, leaning into you.

Add cornering Lotor to your list.

You don’t pull away, figuring it was harmless. Lance, Hunk, and Allura were more prone to random hugs. You were more than happy to indulge Keith as well. He already wasn’t feeling well.

You wrap your arms around the red paladin’s shoulders, hugging him, “I’m looking forward to a break from Coran’s post mission food goo once I get done with the machine.”

“Mm.”

He was completely out of it.

His breath tickles your cheek.

“Though I’m not sure there’ll be any left if I don’t go there? Maybe I should grab a plate and then come back here,” you ramble. Keith had never sought you out for comfort. It was touching that he trusted you now. You’d been friends with the others before, with Keith and Shiro and the Alteans, you had skipped right over friendship and gone right to family.

“Oh.”

You look behind you.

Te-Osh takes a step back, “forgive my intrusion. I was unaware-”

Keith snaps out of whatever was going on with him. Bolting off the exam table. “It’s fine. We’re done here.” He hunches his shoulders and beelines for the door.

You frown, still processing.

“I can come back,” Te-Osh tells you, glancing between you and the door Keith had just escaped through.

You shrug. “No. I’ve got time. What do you need?”

“If you’re sure?”

Nodding, you smile, “yeah, what can I help you with?”

———————

“Here is where we will focus the blunt of the attack on. Keith, Lance, engage the fighters. Hunk,” Shiro explains, “you’ll be with me taking out the communications towers. We want to keep the damage to the minimum. The resistance leaders want the factory intact. Pidge-”

Pidge waves the Black Paladin off, “I’ve got the code written.”

“It really does come in handy,” Lance observes, “all those vents are Pidge size.”

The green paladin grumbles, “easy for you to say when you’re not the one crawling around in there. It’s not your knees getting banging up.”

“Well the galra are all like nine feet tall,” Hunk points out, “the vents probably aren’t that small from their perspective.”

Lance unsubtly glances over at Keith.

His rash had cleared up, but not before spreading. In its place were two purple slash marks running from his cheek to jaw, galra markings. No one had pressed…yet.

You were just glad it wasn’t some weird space parasite.

Her brother ruffles her hair, “Pidge sized! A micro pidge,” Matt jokes to himself.

She smacks his hand away, “five feet is a perfectly reasonable size.’

“She could still have a growth spurt,” you add, though it was highly unlikely.

“No,” Matt’s eyes go comically wide as he hugs his sister, “not my hobbit,” relishing in her embarrassment.

“Matt!”

“In summation,” Allura calls you all back to attention, “the paladins will take out Galra forces and Pidge will open the weapons factory up to Vexuin rebels to take over. I will be manning the Castle to ensure no fighters target the work camps and coordinating communications with the rebels.” She turns to look at you, “Matt and you will take down the sentries, freeing the people from the work camps.”

“No!”

Everyone looks over at Keith. The horror on his face is easy to read.

What had brought this on?

Shiro clears his throat.

Keith ducks his head, letting his bangs obscure his features.

“Why not,” Pidge asks grumpily, time was running out. You were all just ironing out the details, “your plans suck.”

“Pidge,” Shiro chastises.

The green paladin was right.

Keith fought the same way you played video games, caring about nothing but reducing the enemies stats to zero. He’d gotten great at teamwork, but he was hardly a strategist.

“Keith,” Allura asks, “do you have any legitimate reasons why Matt should go on his own?” And when she phrased it like that…

The red paladin crosses his arms over his shoulders.

Pidge taps her foot on the floor.

“Okay then,” Shiro takes over, “let’s get to our lions.”

“Coms. Come in earthlings!,” Coran chimes in over the system, “remember this planet’s atmosphere is toxic to breath, too much sulfur in the air, not to mention the heat will give you all a taste of the slipperies. And worse! So keep those space suits on Vol-”

“-Tron,” Lance grins back, having taken a liking to having a kooky space alien uncle.

You lock your helmet in place as Matt pilots the pod towards the work camps. They were just as grim as the first time you’d seen them. It was the same all over in many of the Empire’s work planets. They were at the bottom of the totem pole. There were some planets where the native species and Galra coexisted more or less peacefully, this was not one of them.

“So what’s up with Keith,” Matt asks you.

You shrug. “No clue. I keep waiting for Lotor or one of the Blades to drop in so I can corner them but he’s a picture of perfect health so I’m not worried.”

“But the,” he takes a hand off the wheel, motioning to his face.

You frown, arching a brow. You’d never looked at Allura quite the same after the way she had treated Keith upon learning about his heritage. It’s not like he’d been a completely different person, she’d known him for over a year.

Matt might be Pidge’s brother, but you weren’t about to let anyone get away with giving someone you loved shit. Especially not Keith who would just silently take it.

It made your chest ache, thinking about how sweet he looked when he smiled. He didn’t deserve any of it.

“What about it?” You stare back at him cooly.

Matt focuses back on landing the pod just beyond the sentires line of sight. “Nothing. Pidge figured it was nothing, didn’t even seem curious. I figured you might know, you two are pretty close.” He glances over at you meaningfully.

“We’ve known eachother since the garrison,” though you hadn’t really been friends. Keith had been kind of a loner. You’d tried to include him, having shared a couple classes with him here and there, but he’d never taken you up on any offer.

“Right.” He doesn’t sound all that convinced. “Glad to hear it’s all good. I caught the sneazles while in the work camp,” Matt makes a face.

You laugh.

“It was horrible! But also like an episode of spongebob somehow?”

“Space is weird.” You had way bigger problems and had seen stranger things by now. For fucks sake, you were saving dragon looking aliens from the Galra right now. This planet was like a silent hill game!

Thick fog obscured the rocky landscape. Even from within your suit you could smell the stench of rotten eggs. Yet this was home to the Vexuin.

Shiro gives the signal.

You take the safety off the taser gun Pidge had built for you. Anything pilfered off the Galra was too large for your small stature, just a hair shorter than Keith. The gun packed a punch, with enough voltage to take out the robots.

Matt and you get to work.

“Almost got it,” Matt mutters as you take aim and shoot.

Stupid damn biolocks.

“Hurry the fuck up,” you tell him, dodging a shot from another sentry before frying it with your own weapon. One shot, one sentry. You needed to take them down before they got close. The robots were durable and strong. You knew better than to think you could go hand to hand with one, you were a medic not a fighter.

“I am, I am,” Matt insists. “Ah there,” he grabs a taser flash bomb out of his pocket and tosses inside the sentry outpost.

You shoot again, trying to keep your hands steady. It was easy when it was just programmed machines. Nothing to feel bad about.

Matt and you rush inside, stepping over more fried sentries. You take position at the entrance, gunning down anything that makes its way towards the two of you.

“You in,” you ask him.

“Patience my young apprentice,” Matt says, laughing at his own joke, “it’ll take a moment for my worm to work its way through the software and give me complete control.”

The ground shakes as the main part of the battle takes place outside, at a monsterous factory that’s gray, chimney shooting out smoke. You can only see hints of lions shooting and Galra fighter ships lighting up the sky.

The sulfuric fog coats everything.

You taste rotten eggs on your breath.

Inside your suit, sweat runs down your back.

“Okay,” Matt chimes into the coms, “I’ve hacked the camps. Ready to open the gates.”

The rolling low grutal voices of the Vexuin rebel leaders fill your coms, “Good.”

“Go ahead Matt,” Allura gives the order, “Voltron?”

Pidge answers, “dropping in, should override their” static, “ticks.” Then an explosion reverberates in your ear where the communications device is.

“Pidge,” Keith yells out.

“Keith cover Lance,” Shiro grunts out, blasts audible from here. “Pidge?”

Nothing.

Matt’s face goes ghostly white.

“Pidge, come in Pidge?” Allura asks. “Paladins? Are you able to reach Pidge?”

“Negative,” Shiro replies, “Hunk, take the main gate! Time to land.”

“On it.”

“Guys,” Lance yells, “the shield’s down. Pidge hacked them.”

“Keith,” Shiro yells, “wait!”

“Fine.”

You decide to hope for the best. There was nothing you could do for any of the paladins all the way from here. “Turn it off,” you tell Matt.

He steals himself. “Right.”

The lights of the compound go out. Sentries power down where they stand, puppets with their strings cut. Locks disengage, and for the first time in decades, the Vexuin are free to leave the barracks free from Galra supervision.

You and Matt go out to meet them.

“I could get used to this,”  Pidge calls out as everyone meets on the planet’s surface. Rebels come in from the forest slowly, making sure this is for real, before sniffing the air and calling out to their loved ones lingering around the liberated camp complex.  Their vision worked in the infrared, all the better to see on this planet. You’d need at least three showers to get the smell out of your hair.

Keith carries Pidge, careful not to jolt the youngest member of Voltron. She holds a leg stiffly, a sprain or fracture.

Matt rushes to his sister, “Katie!”

She waves him off, “I’m fine.” Then snaps her fingers, “Down.”

There’s a small smile on Keith’s mouth as he places her down on the ground gently.

Lance comes up behind Keith, ruffling his hair, and being every bit himself as he comments with a smirk, “good boy.”

The shorter paladin smacks Lance’s hand away, but it’s too late, Lance is already smothering Keith in a hug that turns into a competition, like always with those two. Keith shoves at Lance’s face while Lance tightens his grip on Keith.

Shiro clears his throat, “paladins.”

“A dobesh in the pod,” you ask Pidge as Matt gets his turn to fuss over her.

“Yeah. Landed right as an explosion went off,” Pidge frowns. “Not my best moment, but my program still did it’s job and,” she pats her bayard, “I took them out.”

“Can’t be that bad if you can stand,” you agree. Nothing serious but you’d be keeping an eye on her all the same. The faster she got into the pod and took weight off her injury the better. You didn’t want to exacerbate the sprain.

“The jet pack helped,” Pidge points out.

“Lucky you,” you grin.

Shiro and Allura are consummate professionals as they go over the last of the logistics with the Vexuin, “It would be wise to stay until your people have situated themselves in case the Galra Empire retaliates,” Allura states, ending her sentiment in a question, “but it is ultimately up to you.”

The Vexuin chatter among themselves for a moment before one speaks up, “we would not turn down Voltron’s help. A few quintants should be enough time.”

“Then we will make ourselves of service to you,” Shiro nods. “Please, let us know anything we can help with.”

A red scaled one smiles, showing off her many sharp and jagged teeth, “our people long to see the camp destroyed.”

Hunk offers, “I could help rig a controlled explosion.”

“Very good.”

“The system inside the weapons factory is down,” Pidge tells them, “but I can reprogram it to keep the Galra out so that you can decide what to do with the place.”

“Oh no you don’t,” you cut in, “Matt can take care of that. You’re going in a pod first.”

“Pod person,” Matt mutters under his breath with a snort.

“Then let us get to work,” Allura dismisses everyone.

Pidge tries to take a step, and almost falls over.

You grab her.

Her face goes crimson from the pain.

The adrenalin must have been keeping the bulk of the pain away.

Keith picks her up.

It’s not until you’ve loaded Pidge in for three vargas that you pull off your helmet, savoring the crisp clean air of the Castleship.

“I can still smell the sulfur,” you comment, wrinkling your nose.

Keith shakes his hair out.

You look at him thoughtfully, “must be worse for you though.”

“Why,” he asks, genuinely puzzled.

“Because your nose,” you point out, then frown, “your sinuses did clear up yeah?” He never said anything about it so you figured they had and he could smell fine again, but you weren’t sure.

“Oh. Yeah. They did.”

You smile fondly, “very convincing Keith,” you tell him, reaching out to him. He lets you run your fingers right under his ears, behind his jaw. Everything was in order.

A knot of anxiety dissolves in your chest.

“Well,” he asks, “satisfied?”

“Mhm.” You look at the purple markings on his skin.

Keith’s breath hitches. His gaze is trained on you, watching carefully.

“So if not rotten eggs,” you ask, slowly bringing your fingertips over the marks on the sides of his face, giving him every opportunity to pull away, “what do you smell?” You couldn’t help it. It was that scientific curiosity. Everyone at the garrison had ended up there because they were nerdy in some way: devoting themselves to some STEM field while other kids were watching cartoons. You’d had a stutter as a kid, self conscious about it too, so instead of trying to make friends you read your textbooks under your desk, racing ahead.

Keith’s eyes meet yours. There’s a level of vulnerability in his gaze that worms its way into your chest and all of a sudden you’re incredibly aware of how close you two are, the lack of space between your bodies, your fingers caressing his skin.

You look away, focusing on the marks. They were purple, which was obvious. His skin itself had grown purple, perfectly delineated.

“Like wet soil,” Keith explains finally, “when they just added fertilizer.” You wince, remembering the smell of the horticulture center wafting through the garrison’s campus during the spring. “And garlic.”

“I like garlic. I’d kill for some,” you tell him, sounding very much like Hank. You hadn’t expected to be homesick for food. “Best food they served at the cafeteria.”

“That’s not saying much,” Keith mutters, amused.

You chuckle, pulling your hands away from his face.

He leans forward, asking for physical comfort in a very Keith way: unsubtle and wordlessly, putting the onus on you to get the hint.

Pidge must have freaked him out more than he was willing to discuss.

You wrap your arms around his waist, hugging Keith. “Pidge’ll be fine.” Sure, she was younger and short, but she was more than capable of handling herself. “I’m more concerned about how she left the other guys,” you comment lightly resting your chin on Keith’s shoulder.

His shoulders shake as he laughs easily. “They asked to surrender to her personally.”

“That’s Pidge all right.” You glance over at the pod. She’d be back on her feet in no time.

Keith’s breath against your skin feels nice. Your heart flutters in your chest and you find yourself blushing and pulling away, thoughts racing as you realize just how much you liked this boy. You pull away, unsure what to do and suddenly finding it too awkward to be around him at all.

The start of a whine escapes his throat before he smothers it, looking away, as he lets his bangs fall over his eyes, effectively hiding his easy to read features.

“Let’s go help the others,” you say, fumbling to grab a med kit and click your helmet back in place, your face too warm and it must be obvious. You didn’t want to make things weird. You didn’t. But-

“I’m going to stay here until Pidge wakes up,” Keith tells you.

“Oh. Okay.” You nod. “That’s a great idea. It’s always confusing as hell to get out of the pods.” It was akin to waking up from a midday nap: completely confused and exhausted instead of rested.

Your skills would be more useful with the Vexuim than fussing over Pidge at the moment. And having something to do would keep your mind off Keith.

—————

“You know,” Lance comments, sliding up to you as you watch Lotor strut away from you after another failed attempt to talk to him. “If we bottled up whatever galra repellant you have going on, we could defeat Zarkon with perfume.”

You look over at Lance, trying to suppress a smile. “What would you call it?”

“Starlight.”

“That’s-that’s actually pretty great,” you tell Lance.

“I know,” he grins. Then the latino boy sobers up, “trying to find out what’s going on with mullet?”

You nod. “I even tried to corner Acxa,” you admit. For an eight foot tall purple alien, boy could she make herself scarce.

Lance’s eyes widened in delight, “like could and should peg me Acxa?”

You groan. “Lance, sometimes it’s okay to keep things to yourself.”

“I’m just saying,” he laughs, “the ship’s not that big…”

“It’s designed for six thousand people.” You’d learned that fun tidbit while practicing your Altean with Pidge.

“Like for real!”

“Yeah.”

“Ay dios mio,” Lance utters, “you’re screwed.”

You finally hit the motherlode.

Lotor and his generals are in a stately room that reminds you of the socratic lecture halls at the garrison, sofa arranged in a half circle, with Shiro and Allura. The former Prince had shown up for a reason beyond making a nuisance of himself. Allura looks at her wits end with him, as he smiles like a douche, her eye twitching.

She invites you in without hesitation, “take a seat next to me,” and effectively uses you as a human shield against Lotor.

Literally since you and Shiro were the only humans here.

“Everything has been thoroughly discussed,” Lotor comments dryly, snubbing you once more. Normally, you wouldn’t have cared but you were trying to get information out of the man. “Unless either of you have further questions?”

Shiro hums, rubbing his chin, “I know saddling you with a rebel ship or two will slow you down but I don’t see another way around it. A display of size on their part will go a long way to show it is an alliance and not the Galra Empire hy another name.”

Allura nods, a small smile on her lips as she looks over at Shiro, “The black paladin is right. It will be a steep hill to climb to show that you are not the Galra Empire. Their fears would be alleviated with the presence of the rebel alliance.”

Zethrid sucks in a sharp breath, “So that’s it then. We will always be scorned and merely tolerated.”

“Time,” Shiro sighs with a look of gentle understanding at the muscular woman, “they need time. You can’t erase 10,000 years of history. It is hard to extend trust after being imprisoned and enslaved.”

“The alliance has started coordinating with you and the Blade directly have they not,” Allura asks stiltedly. It was by the necessity of time that they had stopped going through Voltron first. Lotor might be too smug for his own good, but his team was effective at sabotaging warships and infiltrating Galra ranks to liberate prisons and cities, enough to turn the tide for the rebels.

Her feelings towards Lotor and the Blade were still tinged with suspicion, her treatment of them lukewarm at best.

Still, Lotor brushed it off and continued to help. “Well then, Princess, Shiro, we have a long journey ahead of us.”

Shiro nods.

They shake hands.

You stand up, ready to corner Lotor.

“But first a word Shiro, it is a private matter.”

“Yeah, sure,” Shiro leads Lotor away.

Your eye twitches.

That snake!

Zethrid and Narti walk purposefully away as Allura pushes in her chair, ignoring the last two of Lotor’s team. “Princess,” Acxa, tries. “Until next time.” She nods at you, “stay safe.”

Allura gives the woman a strained smile, hooking her arm with yours. Human shield.

“You too,” you tell her. She doesn’t wait, already halfway out the door. You sigh.

Ezor giggles, by far the friendliest and easiest to get along with of Lotor’s team. “Stashing food and water will cut down the embarrassment by half.”

“What?”

“Oh,” she shrugs, “I guess Lotor was right. Darn it! Now I owe him one hundred GAC.”

“Wait-”

But she scurries off.

“Ugh,” you kick the wall, tired of everyone being weird. The usual frustration with being caught up in a space war was just the salt on the wound.

Your toe throbs, “fuck,” you hiss.

“They are rather tiring to deal with,” Allura agrees, reading the situation wrong, “but it hardly calls for assaulting the Castle.”

“Sorry,” you flush red with embarrassment. “I just had a question for Lotor and he seems intent on never being in the same room as me.”

“Ah-,” Allura smiles easily, “Lance did mention that you were in possession of a Galra repellent.” The twinkle in her eyes lets you know she was in on the joke.

“Come, let us work our frustrations out with some introspection.” Which was just Altean for weird breathing exercises that supposedly helped you do alchemy. She had managed to rope you into practicing with her before.

“Anything to spare the wall,” you joke.

——————

You walk back from the library. It was a cozy room, especially when you dimmed the lights. The Castle was always so bright, designed with the Alteans sight needs in mind.

Sometimes you just needed some time away from everyone. You loved them, but spending years with the same people while floating through space…you had no clue how Shiro had managed it.

Getting a walk around the ship was also nice. It was easy to forget how big the Castle was when you mainly stayed on the same three floors. Just a couple months ago Coran had rediscovered the greenhouse. The plants were a little piece of Altea, and had quickly become one of Allura’s favorite spots.

The windows were wide portholes. It unnerved you still, looking out and not recognizing any star, any constellations.

A lump of homesickness lodges itself in your throat. It had been over two years, your siblings would have grown so much in that time. You certainly had. The last vestiges of childhood had gone from your face.

Acne cleared up even without Lance’s ten step routine.

You walk across the bridge, trying not to look down. The viewing platform was clear glass in space, you could lay on it. It freaked you out a little.

It was the only constantly dark place in the castle.

You still yelp when you spot Keith, his eyes luminous violet like a glow in the dark t-shirt. That should have tipped all of you off, but alien was not the first thing that came to mind when you previously believed aliens had never visited earth.

He whimpers, curling up further.

“Keith,” you gulp, focusing on him and not the glass separating you from the void of space. “What’s wrong?”

He looks up at you miserably, blinking sluggishly. “I have the worst migraine.”

“And you’re down here instead of getting painkillers?”

Keith shrugs. “It’s not as bad, quiet. Dark.”

You sit down next to him. “I can go get you something,” you offer, your cheeks warming up and it was ridiculous how you can’t even manage to act normal around him anymore.

“Coran already gave me a dose.”

“Oh.” You were hurt. You were supposed to be the medic. That was your role on Team Voltron.

You hug your knees to your chest, and look down at space. It was darker than the photographs back on earth. Not so purple and blue.

You weren’t Matt who was just as good as Pidge with technology or Allura who was the leader and a princess to boot, you’d just planned on having a late dinner with Hunk once he got over the motion sickness before Lance roped you into following Pidge. You weren’t a paladin.

Keith shuts his eyes. “You were with Allura. I didn’t want to bother you.”

“It’s no bother.” You swallow thickly, letting silence fall over you both.

You listen to Keith breathing, looking around the darkness of space for any familiar stars. You knew the space around Shay’s Balmerra, and Arus was at least a little familiar. But the universe was so vast and wide.

There were planets you’d only ever been to once, each with a different night sky. Some of them never even had a night, with multiple suns staving off a night cycle.

“Do you think Allura minds?”

“Mind what,” you ask.

Keith clenches his jaw, rubbing his temples. “That I look more Galra.”

Allura has always been harder on the Galra. For her, it had been such a short time since Zarkon had destroyed her world and her people. You didn’t agree, but you could understand where she was coming from, the pain still there as she continuously wore Altean mourning pink.

You look over at him, the outline of his body against the glass. “I think your marks look cool.”

“Bullshit.”

“I do,” you whisper gently, considerate of his migraine. Those were the worst. “They frame your face. You look nice,” you finish lamely, looking away. You look nice. Lance might say stupid things but at least he tried.

“What if I looked even more Galra?”

“Like completely purple and tall?” You couldn’t really wrap your head around it. It also seemed incredibly unlikely. Could his phenotype change so drastically? On earth the answer was no, but who knows how the Galra work. It was fascinating to see such a wide range of traits in one species.

He was also half human.

You worried if his body would even tolerate such a drastic change.

“Yes,” he says, not waiting for you as he rants in agitation, “the rebels hate the Blade and Allura doesn’t trust them at all and that’s not even mentioning Lotor.”

“That’s not true. Te-Osh likes Acza and Ezor. Lotor’s kind of annoying if we’re being honest, and I’m sure his being Zarkon’s son makes it a little hard to believe he’s on our side,” you try to reason. “And don’t write off the Galra who have changed sides or were in the camps right alongside other aliens.”

Keith says nothing in response, mouth a thin line as he thinks.

You wonder how long it’s been bugging him.

You want to reach out and hug him, but he isn’t Hunk. You’re not sure he’d want to if he’s not initiating the contact. So you don’t.

“Everyone knows how the last Galra paladin worked out.” A low growl in the back of his throat is enough to clue you in to how distressing this was for him.

Your heart hurts. “And everyone knows you’re not Zarkon,” you state evenly back. “We already know you’re Galra.”

Keith snorts humorlessly. You can’t see his eyes; they’re hidden by his bangs.

“The glowing eyes are not exactly subtle dude,” you point out, “not to mention your hair does the poof thing guinea pigs do when they’re eating, but not when you’re eating, more like when you get annoyed.”

“I-what!” His eyes go comically wide as he sits up. His dark hair does the thing, making him look like a character from those old Japanese kids movies.

You giggle, “you’re doing it.”

Keith tries to look at his reflection in the glass.

You blush, grateful that it’s too dark to see, and then realize that wasn’t true for him, so you look away, hoping he didn’t notice. “Yeah. I’m the medic, it’s my job to know these things. Like how Pidge has two webbed digits on her foot and Lance is allergic to flax seeds and bees.”

“That…makes sense.” Then he smiles, “still didn’t put two and two together.”

“Don’t be a smartass.” Reason number three thousand Iverson had it out for him back at the harrison. “And if anyone has a problem with you I’ll kick their ass.”

“You?” Keith snorts. “You wouldn’t even flip me during self defense.”

“You remember that?” You run a hand over your face, “I didn’t want to hurt anyone,” you always took forever to practice on your partner. And your weak arms didn’t help.

“That’s what the mats were for.”

“Still!”

Keith laughs at your expense.

You smile, taking delight in watching him smile and laugh and you wish it could always be like this and the war would just end.

Then you sober up. “You’re going to be okay, right?”

He doesn’t answer you right away.

“Keith-” you reach out, voice cracking. “You’re going to be okay, giant purple space cat or not, right?”

He takes your hand, squeezing it firmly. “Yeah. Don’t worry about it.”

“Good,” you utter, but tears bead up in your eyes anyway. It was terrifying watching someone go through something unknown that you couldn’t help them through for all your medical training. You knew how to set bones and run a pod…not whatever this was.

You trusted Keith.

He knew himself better than anyone. After all, he’d been right about his teeth growing back.

“You really are worried,” he whispers in disbelief.

“Duh.”

“I can smell it on you,” then he seems to realize what he said, and pulls away, ducking his head. Like he hadn’t meant to say so much.

“Really?” Learning about anything alien biology was pretty cool, you had to admit. Allura had once described colours that you couldn’t perceive. It was a fun talk. And then she’d made you meditate for alchemy stuff or so she claimed. It might have just been payback. “Is that new?”

“Yeah,” Keith admits, still drawn into himself. “Can we not-I already feel like enough of a freak already without,” he waves aggressively at himself.

You bite your lip, nodding. You wanted to say something, to get it through his head how you saw him, incredibly kind and fiercely loyal (to the point of taking on Zarkon by himself) and an endearing smile you never got tired of seeing.

You liked him.

The universe was lucky to have him as a paladin.

But you don’t know how to say it in a way he’d accept. And he asked you to drop it, so you do. “Right, I’ll just go then.” He’d been here first, and the glass made you nervous.

Could it withstand a hit from a galra battleship?

Keith opens his mouth like he wants to say something else, but he just nods, then winces, “Argh,” he groans as he curls up on his side, covering his ears with his hands.

You rush to his side, kneeling next to him, “Keith,” you utter softly, not wanting to make it worse.

His eyes are pressed close and for all your medical know-how, you’re at a loss.

So you running your fingers through his hair soothingly and wait for the pain to pass.

He shifts, laying his head in your lap as he whimpers.

You can’t stand to watch him and do nothing. You press your com, pinging Shiro and Coran. This was beyond you. He’d trust Shiro with whatever was going on and he’d gone to Coran. You respected that even if it did sting.

Your pride meant little so long as Keith felt comfortable and sought help.

“Shh, shh,” you whisper gently.

Sweat beads on his brow.

Whines escape his throat.

“Fuck,” he grunts, clenching his teeth.

He’s warm to your touch and that rouses another bout of worries. At this temperature it’s a fever, but he didn’t have the symptoms, the flushed cheeks and chills.

Keith curls up further, muscles stiff.

You’re helpless.

After what feels like ages, Shiro and Coran finally appear.

“Number four, Number five,” Coran claps his hands.

You hold out your hand, motioning them to shut the fuck up as Keith winces at the sound.

His hair is damp near his ears.

“Keith,” Shiro utters much more gently, kneeling down on his other side, “I’m here, I’ve got you.”

He raises his head, blinking groggily at Shiro, trying to concentrate through the pain, “Shiro,” he reaches for his brother who easily pulls him against his chest. Keith buries his head in the crook of Shiro’s neck.

You sit back, trying to get out of the way. Your hands are wet.

You look down and realize it’s blood. His ears-

Oh god.

“Number five,” Coran says gently, helping you up, “I’ll take great care of our Paladin. Why don’t you go get cleaned up.”

You don’t get any sleep that night.

——————

You were always struck with cognitive dissonance walking around colonized planets like Rahiri where the natives and Galra lived side by side. This was not a planet ravaged by the empire. The flora-like aliens in all shades of green with rootish limbs and leaves and petals for hair had assimilated into the Empire, achieving citizenship over generations. 10,000 years deca-phoebs was a long time. That was a huge source of tension in the Alliance, what to do with the world who neither wanted or wished to leave the Empire.

It was also a source of dark humor that no one spared the four of you a second glance despite two paladins of Voltron walking around.

Hunk holds Shay’s hand in front of you as they point and awe and drag their feet on the way to the space port.

“You could always stay with,” Hunk says hopefully, “we could just drop you off. Personal taxi service.”

Shay smiles back kindly, “that would be wonderful but I have been away from home for too long. I am, as you say, a homebody.”

“Aw, yeah,” Hunk chuckles, “I feel that. I like the ground. And dirt. Piloting is overrated.”

“Don’t let yellow here you say that,” Keith comments so dry, you think he’s serious for a second. Allura and Pidge had gone shopping for supplies. That was an advantage of a planet that had not seen war.

Hunk glances back, clearly having forgotten we had tagged along in case anything went down. “Yeah well, she’d like a small moon. Or an asteroid. There’s colonies on those.”

“Very true,” Shay laughs. “I think my balmerra is also like a moon. A beautiful creature. We have learned how to ask for crystals so we do not need to cut them.”

“That’s impressive. Did the books from Allura help,” Hunk asks.

As much as you liked getting to stretch your legs, seeing a different planet where the threat was not imminent, you didn’t like being a third wheel, or fourth wheel if you went according to Coran’s favorite numbering pattern. That inch difference between you and Keith mocked you.

You glance over at the red paladin.

His gaze kept flickering back and forth, around the street. The occasional loud noise of crates being unloaded made him jump.

“You good,” you ask Keith, cracking a joke so he’d know you weren’t judging him. “You see la llorona or Davy Jones?”

“Hm?”

“You know…a famous ghost? Do they have ghosts in space?”

Keith snorts, cottoning on. “They don’t even have ghosts on earth.”

You pull a face, “well that’s no fun. Seriously, you okay? Or have we been made?”

He shakes his head, glancing around again just to be sure. “So much for Zarkon’s finest.”

You laugh, following Hank and Shay into the space port. Shuttles were departing pretty consistently. Everything was in orderly fashion. You especially liked how no one was shooting at you.

“It takes some getting used to.”

“What does?” You watch as Keith shakes his head, making his hair fall back from his face.

Shay and Hunk go to the ticket counter, but you decide to find somewhere off to the side, wanting to give them privacy.

“Stuff.”

You roll your eyes at Keith, “you suck.”

He crosses his arms over his chest, leaning against the wall, looking anywhere but at you. “Lotor explained it to me and Shiro…what’s happening.”

“Oh.” You swallow, looking at Hunk and Shay hugging and saying their goodbyes yet again. They’d said them last night at dinner, this morning in the pod, and again when you’d split from Allura and Pidge. It was cute. They were adorable.

“Sorry.”

“Hm,” you glance over at Keith, not sure why he would be sorry about anything. He was the one getting screwed over by half of his heritage.

“You’re hurt.”

“You can smell that too,” you ask him, holding his deep gaze. There was an intense commitment to everything Keith did; it was reflected in the depth of his violet gaze. He didn’t do things in halves.

“Now I can.” He looks at his shoes, red dusting his cheeks. The red didn’t tinge the purple marks on his skin.

“So this is all,” you’re not sure how to put it, “nothing to worry about?”

“He said it was normal. But because I’m half there’s no way to know what to expect.” He looks away as he says it, stiff as he glances around.

The anxiety that had settled into your jaw since you’d had to wash his blood off your hands eases up. “Giant purple space cat,” you joke, nudging his side.

“Oh fuck no,” Keith grumbles. Even that furrowed expression that crossed his chiselled features made you feel all giddy inside.

Bad timing.

“I’m not hurt I-I just wish you trusted me,” you finally admit. It was silly. You felt selfish, so you tack on, “You know I’m here for you if you need me. We all are. I know Shiro’s your brother, but we’re your friends.”

“I know,” he sighs wistfully, “I do trust you…it’s just-it’s been hard. I don’t know how to feel about any of it and I’m not used to it either.”

“It’s fine,” you tell him, “I’m being silly, making this about me. As long as you know I’m here for you…I’m not trying to force you to tell me anything…” you cringe internally at yourself. The galaxy garrison had been made up of nerds, so it followed everyone was a character. It hadn’t helped anyone’s social skills.

You wish you could just go, I worry about you because I love you instead of stumbling through word vomit.

“Come on,” Keith brings you out of your thoughts, grabbing your hand and pushing through the crowd of people coming and going to different boarding gates, “I think Hunk’s going to need some comfort food.”

You glance around, finding Hunk’s form making it’s way to you both. He was wiping his eyes, bittersweet smile, making no move to really hide that he was crying.

“Let’s get back to Allura yeah,” he tells you both.

“Or,” you go with Keith’s idea, “we can get something to eat. Allura gave us a good hour or so.”

“Varga,” Keith supplies.

“Yeah, that.”

Hunk nods, “that sounds nice. It’s just,” he looks back at the departing shuttle, “it’s hard. It’s war and you never know when your going to see each other again but it’s not like she can just drop everything and I wouldn’t ask her too, if anything I’d like to retire there. Nice and quiet. Maybe open a restaurant…”

“Vrepit Sal two,” Keith offers.

“Could make it a chain,” you add with a smile. Hunk, like you, was not such a gung ho pilot. You had landed the flight simulation without crashing exactly once, for your final emergency protocol exam.

“Thanks guys,” Hunk grins, “but I think I’ll bring some earth out here. Give these people a taste of traditional earthlign cuisine.”

“So your menu’s going to be as long as Cheesecake Factory’s,” you ask with a silly grin.

“Maybe not that long. A burger, ramen, scratch that, pizza instead of a burger.” Hunk rubs his chin thoughtfully sniffing the air and following his nose to a food stand. You trusted him for food. He had a knack for combining goo and exotically colored food that screamed fake and poisonous into pretty great meals.

Keith was still holding your hand, not as a loose afterthought: every now and then he’d rub his thumb against the back of your hand and it sent a thrill down your spine.

You don’t pull away, wanting to savor the feel of his skin against yours even if it wasn’t that deep. You’d hugged and napped with everyone at least once, grabbing each other’s hands in the confusing crowded hovels of swamp malls (actual swamp malls and not places Coran thought of as a swamp mall).

You nab a table outside the stand.

Everything was in Galra which none of you could read. “Damn,” you mutter looking over.

Hunk glances at Keith without subtlety.

You were starting to think only Allura and Shiro could do subtly.

Keith raises a brow.

“Nothing,” Hunk looks down at his screen.

“Point and hope for the best it is,” you shrug.

“I love a good surprise,” Hunk nods, then looks down at his hands, “we’ll see each other again right? Shay…they’re pretty safe. And well…yellow’s got thick armour.” He sighs, resting his cheek against his fist, elbows on the table.

“Shay’s a badass,” you confort Hunk, “she figured out how to communicate with the Balmera and through the Balmera. She’ll be okay.”

“Yeah, she’s pretty freaking amazing,” Hunk blushes.

You order from an alien that somewhat resembles Ezor, all cotton candy color, and twiddle your thumbs, enjoying the rare moment of rest and relaxation.

“I could get used to this,” Hunk comments, savoring the strange dish he’d been served.

“Get a travel food show,” you tease, “I’d watch it.”

“It could be like this all the time,” Keith muses hopefully, “aren’t planets like this proof we could all get along.” He bites into the glowing blue lotus root shaped meal, and blinks widely.

“What,” you ask, looking over at him.

Keith grabs a napkin and spits out his food. “I think I just lost another tooth.”

“You think,” Hunk raises a brow, “how could you not notice a missing tooth?”

“Smile,” you nudge Keith sitting next to you.

He rolls his eyes, before fake smiling which was always so undeniably forced when he did it. You laugh, nodding, “yup, missing tooth.”

Keith frowns for a second, before continuing to eat.

“Oh,” Hunk utters, before he kicks your leg lightly.

You look up, meeting the yellow paladin’s searching gaze.

He looks at you with a knowing smile.

Heat rushes to your cheeks, the tip of your nose burning hotly, you look down, shoving a questionable sticky black slice into your mouth. It was easy to chew despite the sticky-ness, the flavor starchy and nutty.

There was no way this wouldn’t get back to everyone else in the Castle. No way.

They were all so nosy.

Oh fuck.

——————

“It sure is hot in here,” Lance says with a challenging smirk at Keith.

You roll your eyes.

Lance stretches, resting his arms against the back of the sofa, his hand tapping annoyingly against your shoulder.

Keith is unmoved. Or more accurately, Keith’s mouth twists as he tries hard to ignore Lance’s latest attempts to get him to remove his hat, a lime green thing that clashed perfectly as was his fashion sense, or lack of any fashion sense.

Pidge smacks her head, then peaks curiously at Keith: at Keith’s hat.

You flick Lance’s cheek. “Hey hot shot, don’t hug me when you’ve set the thermostat to ninety degrees.”

“Ninety five actually,” he winks, hugging you towards him. Ugh, you couldn’t do it. You’d already done away with your afghan coat, tied your lavender flannel around your waist, what more could you do. You didn’t have shorts in space. The skirts stored in the castle were breezy, but made you feel at risk of tripping over the hem with each step.

“Hm,” Keith voices, taking a seat, “reminds me of home.”

Hunk snorts, “really thought that through,” he tells Lance.

Lance is undeterred. “Could go higher.”

“I don’t think your cow would like that very much,” you point out.

The blue paladin sulks, looking down at you, “you’re just saying that because you like-”

You jab your elbow into his side.

“Ow! What ever happened to do no harm?”

“Technically,” you tell Lance, “I never graduated.”

“She’s got you there,” Pidge smirks from beside Keith. She was taking apart yet another radio. The signal had yet to reach earth.

“Thank you Pidge.”

She shrugs, “It’s true.” Then turns on Keith, “The hat, explain.”

He looks like he wishes he could merge with the sofa at that, slumping in his seat.

You decide to step in, “I’m going to turn the thermo down.”

Lance is quick to wrap his arms around your waist and pull you back onto the sofa, “come on, relax. Like mullet said, it’s homey.”

You throw him a dirty look.

“Keith?” Pidge side-eyes her fellow paladin. He’s sat up, gripping the sofa cushion so tightly he’s ripping hole into the ten thousand year upholstery.

“You okay there buddy,” Hunk asks.

“No.”

“Oh.”

Keith sucks in a breath, and with deliberate motion, pulls the hat from his head.

Oh.

Your eyes widen.

OH.

His ears had changed.

They weren’t nearly as alien as Allura’s, but no one would mistake their shape for human. Keith’s ears tapered up and out, portrudding, but it was more than just a pointed tip, the entire shape of his ears had transformed, resembling a butterfly’s wing. It was still human in color, but…

Hunk breaks the stunned silence first, “so are you going to like to end up purple?”

Keith ducks his head, wrapping his arms around himself.

No one else gets the chance to further interrogate Keith, or hear his own thoughts, because Allura calls everyone up to the bridge.

Lotor hailed the Castle of Lions. Everyone stands around the bridge while Shiro and Allura take the lead as usual. They might as well be twins given how well they got on, communicating differing ideas without undermining the other.

“There are nine warships in the system,” Lotor acknowledges, “I would be much indebted if you would do me the favor of sending Voltron for the aerial battle.”

“The Empire’s presence is still in its early stages,” Acza explains, “but their terraforming development for the planet will cause the destruction of the Talpidae living there.”

“Then we have no choice,” Allura clenches her fist, never one to sit back while there was something she could do about it, “we will provide air support. Sent me the coordinates so that I may Teleduv there.”

Lance is still obviously eyeing Keith’s latest development. It was readily visible, and you were fighting the urge to do the same.

But you weren’t also trying to flick his ears.

Keith growls lowly.

Lance sniggers.

Pidge offers Lance a piece of paper to make paper balls with.

Hunk sighs long sufferingly, having resigned himself to the more childish side of his two friends. They were terrors. Put Pidge and Lance together, and they were gremlins out of a horror movie made for elementary school teachers.

You slip your hand into Keith’s, squeezing reassuringly. It would take some getting used to like anytime someone got a new haircut, but you would. Like his atrocious boots, they’d become an endearing part of him.

Keith squeezes your hand back.

Shiro nods, agreeing with Allura, “have the Talpidae been contacted.”

“Very much so,” Ezor chimes in, “they’re funny little people. And their sensory-”

“The point Ezor,” Lotor sighs, rubbing his nose bridge.

“They sent for help to the rebels. We were closest to their system,” Exor elaborates with a shrug, “they do not have the background to fight head on, and will evacuate most of their people into bunkers, but they have been digging under the new construction and weakening the structural integrity of the Galra outposts.”

“Very well,” Shiro accepts, “Princess Allura and our chief medic will meet with the Talpidae as a show of goodwill.”

“Our only medic,” Hunk points out.

Keith growls, his hand squeezing yours hard.

You all look over at him.

“Red Paladin,” Allura says, trying to look as professional as possible in front of her least favorite of Voltron’s allies, “is something the matter.” She shares a look with Shiro, but otherwise looks unsurprised at Keith’s less than human ears.

Or maybe she’d make a great poker played.

“Can’t you meet with the Talpidae after the battle,” Keith utters harshly.

“They may need immediate tactical support,” Allura reasons, “we should be there in person to provide it.”

“It’ll be fine Keith,” Shiro adds.

Their words do little to calm Keith down. His dark silky hair puffs up. His grip on your hand tightens and you feel miffed. You’d been on the ground working triage before. You might not be a fighter or pilot but you could look after yourself.

You pull your hand out of his. “I really don’t see what the problem is,” you tell Keith pointedly.

“I’ll watch Allura’s back and she’ll have mine.”

Allura nods. “Our chief medic is correct-”

His ears twitch, “You’re not exactly a fighter.”

Shiro covers his face with a hand.

Your brows furrow. You’re livid. “So! I won’t be fighting. We’ll be in the bunkers with the Talpidae. It’ll be safe so it doesn’t even matter.”

“If it’s perfectly safe then you don’t need to be there,” Keith’s voice breaks, a whine escaping his chest but you don’t care, done with the conversation.

“Yikes,” is Ezor’s quiet whisper.

You’re not a paladin so you don’t care, you just stalk off the bridge ready to go scream into your pillow in frustration. Or better yet, go for a swim and scream underwater.

“Wait-” Keith follows you.

You ignore him.

“I just-,” he keeps trying as you stalk down the stairs, deciding your room was better after all if only because you could lock Keith out.

“Listen-,” he whines.

“I didn’t mean-”

“You didn’t mean what,” you round on him, hands on your hips, pissed off and maybe some of its was from being stuck on this stupid ship all the damn time but like eighty percent was earned. You might not be taking on a squad of Galra soldiers, but you could take one on if it came to it.

Keith at least has the decency to look miserable, sad chirrups in his throat as he crosses his arms over his chest and looks at the ground.

“Well?” You tap your foot on the ground.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt,” he finally manages. “Especially if you don’t need to be there.”

“But I do,” you counter, “There’ll be people running into those bunkers having escaped soldiers and sentries and the faster they get treated the better chance they have.”

“I didn’t mean it,” Keith repeats himself. “You-you can hold your own.” He looks up at you through his bangs, still hunched in on himself.

“Obviously.” There’s no heat, the anger having deflated already. It was just white hot ache in your chest, hurt at the idea that Keith thought you would get in the way, that you had nothing of value to add to the Alliance and Voltron.

You bite your lip.

Don’t cry, you think to yourself.

You were being dumb.

He was just being plain stupid.

“I mean it,” Keith repeats, “I’m sorry. I was just looking for an excuse to make sure you were safe.”

“Right, because Allura can handle herself but I can’t.” Your voice cracks.

“No,” Keith says in a rush, “it’s not the same.”

“Because I can’t fight?”

“That’s not,” Keith runs a hand through his hair, “It’s me okay. I’m-I’ve always jumped into things without thinking, but I decided to go for it, like breaking Shiro out but now I’m doing things before I even notice and it’s all these stupid Galra instincts!”

You swallow.

“I’m sorry,” he tells you once more. “I didn’t mean to and I’m sorry. No one thinks you can’t handle yourself. That’s why Shiro paired you up with Allura, because he knows you’re capable of watching her back.”

Your smile is fragile as you look over at him, “yeah?”

“Yeah.” Keith holds your gaze, looking as skittish as a stray dog. Another whine escapes his throat.

What the heck.

You hug him, “you’re such a dumbass.” You understood why he’d worry. This was war. Pidge was on a two man campaign with Shiro to get Matt to stay on the Castle, both scared witless that Matt might die on a mission with the rebels. Ulaz had died so everyone could get away.

You’d had patients in the last decaphoebs you could do nothing but ease their pain. You’d had patients that you couldn’t even administer anything for the pain because of how torn apart they were: guts spilling out, charred people shapes that you were surprised to still find breathing.

The images would never leave you as long as you lived.

“I’m sorry.” Keith buries his head in the crook of your neck, his breath tickling your skin sent shivers down your spine.

You hug him tightly, aware that every battle could be your last: the last time you saw him. “You’ve said that already,” you tease, memorizing the smell of him, stale sweat and something cloying that you had wanted to bottle up from the moment you’d met him and had never found on anyone else. As embarrassing as it was to admit to anyone other than yourself, Keith smelled good. Really good.

Most people smelled like nothing at all.

He stiffens.

“But it’s nice to hear again.”

Keith smothers a laugh.

You kiss his hair. Boys were so dumb.

He purrs.

You smile goofily, warmth building under your skin, and toes curling up in your shoes. You should say something. Right?

At some point?

Or maybe it shouldn’t be said under the looming threat of an upcoming battle.

Fuck.

You can’t decide, so you say nothing at all.

——————

Bombs still pelt the surface.

Your teeth chatter as the ground shakes even deep underground. Even more soil falls onto you. Your spacesuit was more oche than white at this point as you carry an injured Talpidae in your arms. It’s arm had been completely blown off. Sluggish blue blood oozed out.

Allura was last, tailing the group.

You reach the bunker.

The sentries had followed some of the feeling Talpidae into the tunnels, but they’d been sorted out.

The people here were strange, russet in fur colouring, with no discernable eye, just strange pink flagella protruding from their nose and large claws for digging. They stood at about Pidge’s height.

The bunker seals and you get to work.

Tourniquet here, pain patch there. There were so many of them banged up.

The fight continued on the surface.

The paladins had to form Voltron.

You and Allura work as a team, she takes the bruises and broken bones with no immediate risk of death. You triage the worst of the Talpidae, giving away your precious stash of painkillers to those you can’t save and are not in for a quick death, a Talpidae lies twitching, it’s nose blown off but alive. Another holds it’s hand, but shakes their head when they look at you. They weren’t going to make it.

Training kicks in and you focus on saving those you can.

Your hands stain blue from the blood.

Allura works alongside you.

You cauterize a Talpidae named Soedob’s hand, the claws on their right limb were gone, but most of it was spared.

“You smell Galra,” Soedob utters, blinking out of the pain induced haze as the painkiller kicked in.

You half hear, half don’t, so focused on the task at hand. It was easier to not stop until you were finished and could curl up and sleep and not think about blood and war and Zarkon.

“We have Galra allies,” Allura answers diplomatically, leaving the issue of the half Galra paladin alone.

It irked you.

“No, not them,” Soedob notes. “Those had a different aura.”

“Smell,” you guess, finishing off. You hoped the fighting ended soon. You supply was not unlimited. The castle had better facilities.

“Is that what you call it?”

“Our primary sense is sight,” Allura explains, giving you a long look.

You shrug. You hadn’t even seen any of Lotor and his team. There hadn’t been time. It had all been relayed over coms, over video.

“Another then?”

You swallow thickly, flushing with embarrassment because you both spent time around Keith but Soedob was only smelling him on you and it’s not like you had been doing anything intimate…well, it had felt intimate, hugging Keith, but it wasn’t anything like when cadets snuck into each others dorm room, shoving a sock on the door handle in the universal symbol of don’t bother us. “The red paladin is part Galra.” Mercifully, your voice doesn’t shake from the embarrassment, but you can’t look at Allura.

“Ah,” Soedob nods, neither outraged nor pleased.

Then there’s no more time, you have more Talpidaes waiting for medical aid. You give their own healers some of your supplies, freeing up Allura to find the clan leaders.

You can feel Allura’s questioning glance on you.

——————

“Team meeting in the mess hall,” Shiro calls over the coms system.

“Mess hall,” Pidge rolls her eyes, “it’s the dining room.”

You snort.

“I like to think of it as the dining room too,” Hunk offers. “I mean there’s only eight of us. It’s sort of like being home again.”

“Mess hall makes me think of the garrison,” you admit, falling into step besides them. “and the food.”

“Ugh,” Pidge groans. “That was the worst. Matt wasn’t kidding.”

“It does make the space packs easier to digest,” you muse, “maybe that was the point.” It took the garrison two years to get to Mars. It was funny, once you’d thought that was a long way from home.

“I liked the cheese garlic bread,” Hunk allows.

“Food goo,” Pidge grins, “or the garrison space food?”

“Food goo.” Hunk doesn’t even have to think.

“Food goo,” you agree. “Though not Coran’s paladin special.”

“You don’t even eat that,” Hunk huffs, half outraged half amused, “you’re always like well I’m not a paladin so…”

You laugh. “Seeing it is more than enough.”

The rest of the ship’s inhabitants are already there waiting for you. Lance is trying to teach Coran how to play slide, moving very slow as he claps their hands together.

Shiro and Allura are in easy conversation. Her mice scamper around her feet.

Keith looks absolutely miserable next to Shiro, folding himself into the smallest possible size, trying to disappear. It was hard to reconcile the Keith that was quiet with the Red Paladin that shot first and asked questions later.

You smile at him, excited to see him, but also figuring he could use some reassurance, whatever it was going through his head. Keith meets your gaze and the corners of his mouth turn up, before he ducks away.

You know better than to take it personally.

It was Keith.

Your toes curl inside your shoes and you bite back your smile, suddenly aware of how much you might be revealing and not wanting Lance of all people to start a meeting by commenting on it. For him, it might be all fun and games, but you weren’t sure what to do with these newfound warm and fuzzy feelings. You sure as fuck didn’t want to be called out on it.

You weren’t sure what to do about liking Keith so your current plan of action was: nothing.

“Thank you everyone for being here,” Shiro claps his hands together, his leader impression defaulted at awkward dad. He thought he always had to be on. Despite being the most trained out of us, he’d only just started his career during the Kerberos mission.

You wonder if he’d picked up his leadership style partly from Pidge’s dad.

“Where else would we be,” Pidge shrugs, never one to miss a shot.

“All the same,” the older man smiles.

“Yeah, no problem my dude, bro,” Lance flashes finger guns at Shiro.

You snort, taking a seat between him and Hunk.

“But seriously, what’s up,” Lance leans forward. “Or is this some lowkey way to keep us on our toes,” he winks at Allura who smiles indulgently.

“I await the news alongside you paladins,” Allura answers, hands resting in her lap. She looks over at Shiro.

The whole room turns to look at Shiro.

He had called the meeting.

Meetings tended to be informational in nature: updates about the expansive war, rebels hailing Voltron for intervention, the Blade passing on the rare bit of information, and the always popular distress signals. But Shiro and Allura both looked too calm for that.

Keith goes rigid, a spring wound up too tight.

Hm.

You wondered if the elephant in the room would finally be addressed.

Shiro puts his hand on Keith’s shoulder, smiling encouragingly the way a parent dropping their child off for their first day of school would, “go ahead Keith.”

The red paladin focuses his gaze on Shiro, his expression more sour than it’s been in a long time.

The past few years had done a lot to get him to open up to everyone on board, but right now, he looks exactly like the stubborn closed off cadet he had been back on Earth.

His ears twitch slightly. He manages to look even more taunt, and you wonder if he’s going to wave this off. Then, he lets out a breath.

His body is stiff, but Keith no longer pulls away from Shiro. He looks down at his hands pensively, nails cut to the quick. “Right.”

You can feel the nervous energy of the rest of the room, leaning in, waiting to see what Keith wants to say.

“Mhm, go on,” Lance says, chin in hand.

Hunk elbows him in the side.

“Hey!” Lance is about to start in on Hunk.

“Guys,” you snap, shoving Lance’s shoulder.

“Okay, okay,” Lance zips his mouth and throws away the key, “shutting up.”

“Looks like that didn’t work,” Pidge snarks.

“Paladins,” Allura’s clear commanding voice rings out. When everyone shuts up again, she nods at Keith, “you may continue.”

He looks up at everyone through his bangs, “I’m going through Galra settling.”

Hunk looks over at Allura, who was far more familiar with all this alien mumble jumble than anyone else.

Shiro squeezes Keith’s shoulder.

“And that is,” you prompt gently, before Keith hastily decided that was all he needed to say and left.

He meets your waiting gaze. Under the ship’s bright rooms, his eyes were obviously violet, heavy on the purple. He’s chewing his bottom lip like he isn’t sure he wants to go through with saying any of this and you wonder if he must be thinking of how weird things were between everyone when he learned of the alien part of his heritage.

Your mouth quirks up into a smile.

You were more than willing to stuff someone into a cryopod if they bothered Keith. He may be part of Voltron, tasked with defending the universe, but you’d make sure there was someone to defend him.

An embarrassing rush of heat bubbles under your skin. You look away, nervous.

“Shiro,” Keith asks.

Shiro nods, wrapping his arms fully around Keith’s shoulder. “Galra settling is when Galra,” he looked like he was trying to figure out exactly what he was talking about as he said it. Aliens were weird. “When Galra reach a certain age their appearance locks in.” Even Shiro looks a little puzzled. He was a pilot, not a biologist. You knew organisms back on earth who could manipulate their genotypes, generally sex changes with the right environmental conditions, but you weren’t sure there was anything comparable to whatever this was. “The Galra are apparently very adaptable in individuals. That’s why there’s such a range of them.”

Huh.

That explained the fur, range of tails, more reptilian looking once, and the eyes.

You wanted a Galra biology course, a full semester long one. What exactly caused such a plasticity in their phenotype? Did the trait have to be encoded in their genotype to appear or was there something freakier, Allura’s space magic, going on?

“-because he’s half human and we don’t go through anything like this it’s more painful than it would be. Lotor said the chameleonic abilities of Alteans helped him when he went through this,” Shiro finishes without a satisfying or thorough explanation.

At least Keith wasn’t dying.

Thank god.

Thank whatever freaky Altean magic existed in the universe.

“So,” Lance starts, “it’s Galra puberty.”

In a split second Keith loses any self consciousness about the situation, “it’s not Galra puberty!” His hair puffs up and you have to fight the urge to laugh, covering your face with your hands.

“There’s…” Shiro glances at Keith, before Lance and Keith could really get into it, “there’s more.”

Keith looks mullish, but ultimately gives Shiro the go ahead.

“Part of these..changes,” the black paladin explains, “have brought out some Galra instincts.” Clearly he was having as much trouble grappling with what this meant as Keith was. Your body suddenly deciding to change was no fun when you had no context for it. “Among them, the need to scent family…”

Pidge tilts her head, “is this like the most convoluted and emotionally constipated way of asking for a hug,” she asks Keith.

Keith smiles wryly, “pretty much.”

“Oh come here dude,” Hunk grins, engulfing Keith and Shiro in a hug.

“Ah number four,” Coran points up in the air, “I am now just recalling the galra that lived on Altea having explained this once, of course it didn’t occur to me because of the apparent dominance of your human genes.”

“So they’re actually co-dominant,” you muse as Lance drags Pidge along for a “group hug!”

“No.no,” Pidge makes a half-hearted effort to wiggle out, being a younger sibling herself, was used to being subjected to affection. She smiles even as she struggles.

“It would seem so,” Coran nods, “though not every gene.”

“Just these.” You wonder if there’s a space equivalent of the human genome project.

“Lance,” Keith yelps, “that’s my foot.”

“Buddy, I am not feeling the love here.”

“Is it working,” Hunk asks, peering at Keith, “are you going to turn purple now?”

“No one turns purple from hugs,” Keith replies, annoyed but makes no move to pull away.

“Thank you for trusting us with this Keith,” Allura smiles, her eyes crinkling.

“Get in on this too Princess,” Shiro motions over, before catching your gaze, “you too. Don’t think you can get out of this. You’re part of Voltron too.”

You snort, and join the group hug.

Pidge’s elbow is a bony thorn in your side and there’s the slight hum from Shiro’s prosthetic, but it’s a good mix of warmth and intimacy with the people you were closest to in the entire universe. Allura’s shoulder presses into you back and it’s sort of ballooned to ridiculous proportions, Keith somewhere in the center of it all, his hair barely visible to you.

“Add cuddling Keith to the chore wheel,” Pidge proposes.

Keith groans.

“How about we let Keith decide,” Shiro proposes.

You snort, knowing him too well. “Are you willing to take that risk? Died-from lack of hugs.”

Lance laughs.

Shiro looks convinced by your stellar argument.

“I’m not that bad,” Keith grumbles.

“You’re a terrible hugger,” Lance argues back. “You’re all stiff, like you’re enduring one of Iverson’s paradox sims. Not as bad as my abuelo but still.”

Keith lunges for Lance.

Someone topples over.

Everyone falls.

You laugh, smothered by limps and someone’s hair in your mouth…maybe Hunk’s? You don’t move, worried about kicking someone’s head.

From somewhere, Keith does that low rumbling chest noise that reminds you of a cat purring happily.

No one makes fun of him for it.

——————

“You should comb your hair before we take the pod down,” you tell Keith. You’d spent your free time before this alliance dinner scrolling through a datapad, trying to learn names, where they hailed from, species, things that may prove useful.

Half a varga ago, Keith had found you balled up on a sofa, and sat next to you, his way of asking for physical comfort. You’d obliged him readily, throwing an arm over his shoulders and spooning him as you both laid on the sofa. He was already in the paladin uniforms that Allura had dug out once the alliance became a reality instead of a loose string of rebel groups fighting the Galra empire.

You’re both short and slight, fitting together perfectly.

You squash any feelings you have, this wasn’t about you, it was about him. You’d done it a thousand times with Hunk or Lance, fallen asleep listening to Allura, why should Keith be any different? (You know why.)

He’s reading the screen with you.

“I doubt they’d notice,” he remarks as you scroll to a particularly vivid color alien race with sensory appendages sprouting from their heads.

“You have a point desert bum,” you tease, “I’d rather be a bum by a beach town. All surfer bro.”

“Can you even surf,” he asks flatly.

“No. Learned how to swim at the garrison,” you admit. “But tanning by the water has to be more appealing than roasting under the Texas sun.”

“I like the desert.”

“I know.” You were pretty sure everyone just liked their homes.

“It’s quiet,” he admits, “and watching how the sunlight transforms the landscape…”

“It’s too big and wide,” you admit, thinking of space. Flat land that went on forever…empty dark space that went on forever.

“Good for driving,” Keith smirks.

You laugh. Or course that’s where his mind went. “Sure, but it all looks the same, everywhere you turn.” It was disorienting. To be fair, you were a city girl. Your background noise was cars honking and people yelling even at four in the morning. The garrison had been a big adjustment.

“It’s really not. You just have to look.”

“I’ll trust my gps,” you counter, “not my sense of direction. I’d probably end up one of those cautionary tales about mirages and deserts.”

“You can’t really get a good signal,” Keith replies lazily, his body slack against yours, “out there. It’s best to mark a trail with chalk if you don’t know the area.”

“But you do, know it I mean?”

“Out past the Garrison? Mhm. All of it. We used to go hiking…before,” he trails off.

You press your lips to his hair lightly, before shifting, “my arms asleep.”

“Sorry.”

“I don’t mind.” You sit up, “it’s nice. I used to put my sister to sleep this one year she had nightmares almost every night.”

“You miss her,” Keith states, sitting up, looking at you with his intense expression. Having someone focused one hundred percent on you was a new experience. He wasn’t thinking of a thousand other things, just you.

“I do. I miss everyone, but,” you shrug, “I’ll see them again. Meanwhile you’re stuck with me.” You smile fondly at Keith. “I’m going to change before we have to go to dinner.”

“I’d take fighting Zarkon anyday,” Keith mutters, cringing at the upcoming show of diplomacy. There was so much smiling and hand shaking. It was exhausting to be that extroverted with a roomful of strangers.

Even Lance zonked out after these things.

“Knock on wood,” you laugh.

_____________

Treaties have been signed. A wrecked Galra fleet floats in space above the planet your on today, but today’s battle is won.

One of Lotor’s General’s is here, Acza. She’s wary, and surprised at the warm reception she’d received. She might be Galra, but she’d been crucial in taking down the Galra base’s shields. Biolocks, Zarkon should really rethink those.

You sip at your thick drink, warm and flavored like cinnamon oatmeal, that chases off the chill of the night. The idea had been to sleep, your hands still ached from all the sutures and stitches you’d woven, but Allura refused to hear it, dragging you along. There would be time for sleep on the Castle, she’d claimed, joyous to have helped another besieged planet.

“My congratulations,” a Blade utters from behind their glowing mask.

You jump, not having known there was even a Blade here. They were allies, yet their anonymity that made them so useful in information gathering, created a gap between you. You had no way of knowing who this person was. Their suit obscuring any details, the mask a rank.

You couldn’t even see their eyes.

“For what,” you ask, puzzled. You hadn’t fought. Your skills made you most useful after the battle, trying to save lives and patch up wounds. It was important and emotional draining work, but you hardly won battles.

Because of the mask, you can’t get a read on their reaction. Blades. Spies. Maybe if you could see their eyes…

They nod, and walk off without explanation.

You watch them go, still confused until they disappear among the bodies loitering around, celebrating liberation.

It was a feat to disappear when you were eight feet tall.

First the Galra had avoided you like the plague, the black plague, now they were being cryptic as fuck.

You lean your head down, trying to sniff your armpits without making it too obvious. Was it the blood? Or the space bleach? That tended to linger.

You didn’t smell that bad. Certainly like bleach and rubbing alcohol…

You take another sip of your drink, looking around for a place to sit. You’d been on your feet for too long. You wanted to sleep.

Someone would find you.

You wander around. Smiling when someone notices you, and thanks you and you hurry to get away before they ask you a hundred questions. There were only eight humans in space. Well, seven and a half. You stood out.

They wanted Voltron, but you would do.

“There’s space here,” Acxa calls out.

“Thanks,” you plop down next to her, sagging into the seat. Oh, yeah, you were so freaking tired.

“Of course. You look dead.”

“Yeah,” you look around the rebel camp, “I’ve no clue how they have the energy.”

“It’s like that everywhere. This is their home,” Acza offers, “people fight hard for their homes.”

You nod, before looking over at the alien woman, “not avoiding me anymore then?”

She shrugs, not disputing the allegation. “No need anymore, now that you and Keith sorted yourselves out.” She’s so blunt about it. “Galra are so sensitive when settling. We didn’t want to cause any incidents.”

“Is this about the scenting?” You still hadn’t had time to read through the information you’d gotten your grubby little hands on.

She nods.

You put your drink down on the mossy ground. “Yeah, Keith explained it. Well, Shiro did, really. Lance is over the moon about having an excuse to bother Keith.” Now you really all were a family. You’d named it outloud.

Acxa’s brows furrow, “Lance?”

“I think he just misses his family a lot,” you offer. “We all do and while we’re family too, it’d be nice to see our family back on earth too.”

She frowns. “Keith and you are not,” she asks slowly.

“Me and Keith,” you flush, ducking away from her. “No-I, no. We’re not.” You should’ve gone back to the Castle the moment Allura turned her back. She would’ve never known.

Acxa’s frown becomes tinged with anger and worry, her hand grabs your wrist. “Galra have more than one type of scenting, between families, and between partners.”

“Oh.”

You try to connect the dots but your brain gets stuck between ideas. Scenting. Keith. You. You and Keith. It was right there but-

“Keith isn’t marking you as family,” she explains slowly, “he’s marking you as his partner.” Acxa waits until her words sink in before adding, “to do so without letting the other know…” She makes it clear what a social taboo that is.

But you’re one step behind her.

Did Keith like you?

You think back to all the times you’d been with him in the past few vargas, trying to pinpoint any hint: he’d smiled at you but he was happier now in general so it could be a coincidence…

“If you need,” Acxa offers, “I will help clarify the situation.” It’s an awfully kind gesture.

“No,” you say in a rush. “no. It’s-I think I need to go talk to Keith.” He’d known what he was doing…you could draw a thousand conclusions but nothing would be better than confronting him about it.

“If you’re sure.”

“I am,” you stand up, glancing around. During parties, Keith tended to find a quiet corner out of the way. He’d opened up, but he was still more of an introvert.

You find Keith lying stretched out in the shadow of a makeshift building, looking up at the stars. It’s his eyes that give him away, reflecting the light enough to be inhuman, nocturnal vision.

“We need to talk,” you wrap your arms around your body. You weren’t angry, just confused. Didn’t he know he could just come talk to you about it by now?  

Keith looks up, startled, then stands. “Alright.” He sounds resigned, a man sentenced to detention for a month which was janitorial duties at the garrison. It kept even the most smartass cadets humble.

You look around.

No one was really here. You could hear the music and people a bit further into the heart of the camp. Here was good enough.

“I talked to Acxa,” you start, “she said-” you look down at the trampled vegetation underfoot. It was embarrassing to your human preconceptions to even think, let alone say, which was why you were pretty sure Keith didn’t mean any harm. Scenting meant nothing on earth, where he’d grown up. “She said you’ve been scenting me, which like I know but not that way?” You look up at him as realization sets in and he ducks his head, looking away. “Is it true?”

He crosses his arms over his chest. “I-,” he takes a deep breath before ranting, the agitation and months of buried emotions flooding out, “I hate this. I hate that I can hear the conversation outside and smell which direction  Shiro’s in and how much my eyes hurt on the Castle from how bright it is but I don’t-I can’t say anything because I’m already enough of a freak. Before I was just the weird kid but now I’m just a fucking alien freak! There’s always so much going on and I don’t even know what’s next!”

You wait, wondering if there was more.

It was a lot of changes.

You couldn’t understand, there was nothing in your life comparable to your biology deciding to be a little more Galra after twenty years.

“And I tried not to-,” he admits, meeting your waiting gaze, “I tried to leave everyone alone so you wouldn’t,” Keith swallows, forcing himself to continue with an obvious disgust at himself, “you wouldn’t smell like me or whatever Lotor explained but I couldn’t-it was driving me crazy like this itch, this buzzing under my skull and seeing you guys with others-I thought I was going crazy until Lotor explained. And then when Lance would ruffle my hair or you would check that I wasn’t about to fall over and die and-,” he waves his hands in the air, “I would just zone out.”

“Oh,” you utter, recalling past events with a newfound understanding. Keith had been reaching out, all instinct even when he was trying not to be a bother. It broke your heart, how he always came from the perspective that he was an inconvenience.

“I did know,” he says in a small voice. “That-you…but I don’t know if it’s me or this, or all these things happening to me.”

Your expression wobbles. You bite your lower lip, trying to get a handle on it. How silly to worry about a crush when Keith was going through it.

“I like you, but I don’t know if I like you or if it’s just these stupid Galra instincts messing with my head.” Keith deflates, drawing into himself. “Everything

s…it’s been a lot.”

“I get it,” you utter, “maybe not the situation but I’m not mad. Though Acxa was ready to kick your ass and she totally could,” you try teasing.

But Keith flinches, looking away guiltily.

“I’m joking. I-I get why. It makes sense. It’s a lot to get used to.” You swallow, not sure what to do about anything either.

“Its a huge offence,” Keith utters, “that’s why she was pissed. Made worse because you can’t even tell…I-I couldn’t think straight and I…it took the edge off.”

“Scenting me?”

He nods.

You take a step towards him.

“I-,” Keith’s eyes meet yours, his attention entirely captivated by you. It sends a thrill down your spine. You’d seen how he could be when laser focused: on piloting, on training. “I know they say it’s wrong but you and Lance do stuff like that all the time. And I thought…I figured I could figure out how much of what I’m feeling is me and how much of it are these new instincts.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” you tell him. “I-you’re right, it’s whatever to me. Like, a Blade congratulated me earlier which was weird but fuck them you know? I can ‘smile and nod’,” you smile as fakely as possible to show what you mean, “through it so long as you’re okay.” He’d bled in your lap.

Keith looks a little unsteady, unsure what to do with your lack of anger. “You don’t-”

“So is it like galra marriage then?” You were curious as to what exactly the Blades were going to gossip about you and Keith.

He makes a choked sound. “Sort of. They bond. It can be broken but that generally means someone killed the other.”

“Let me guess,” you reply, “Zarkon fucked even that up.”

Keith nods.

“That guy’s the worst.” Your voice is light.

Keith snorts, smiling for a split second. “I won’t anymore. I’ll-”

“Keith,” your voice cracks as you out your hand on his arm to keep him from rubbing off, “if its really causing you all this additional confusion in too of everything…you can…” the words were too intimate to say, too charged with a sensuality that he clearly was figuring out. You were willing to wait. For him.

He was conflicted enough without you dumping your feelings on him.

“You don’t-”

You raise your hand, caressing the side of his face with the back of your hand, ghosting over the purple mark on his cheek, “I don’t mind.” Sure, you had a crush on him, you could admit that much, but more simply, you loved him.

This was a small ask.

Your gaze flickers to the tips of his ears.

You had washed his blood off your hands.

“Besides, shit’s hard enough. My arm falling asleep is a small price to pay if I can help you.”

Keith’s mouth quirks up in a smile.

You laugh, “come here.”

It finally sinks in that you weren’t just talking bs. You meant it, as you hug Keith, wrapping your arms around his middle. He smelled good in spite of the battle he’d been through earlier.

Without really thinking, you breathe in the scent of him.

Keith hugs you back, cuddling you against his chest, resting his chin on your shoulder.

You yawn. “want to sneak back into the castle?”

“Only if you tell Allura you’re the one who wanted to leave,” he deadpans dazedly.

You laugh.

——————

“Come,” Allura motions as you stand from one of the Castle’s weapons systems, “we must meet with the rebel leadership on planet.”

The planet was a farming camp.

The slaves were overworked and underfed and they had still revolted when they learned Voltron was near. Now, they were free.

“Princess,” Coran calls out, “it appears that number four is heading back to the ship.”

A pained expression crosses Allura’s broad features, her full mouth frowning, before she decides to pick her battles for the day. “I am sure Keith has a good reason for his actions.” She sounds like she’s trying to convince herself.

You don’t want to go down there either.

This entire last week had been spent synthesizing medicine and treating thousands of people made harder by the range of species. The garrison better give you that medical degree immediately.

“I’ll go check on him,” you say automatically, “he might need me to prep a pod.”

“Fantastic idea number five,” Coran believes your excuse.

“Let us know if anything happens,” Allura says, giving you a long look, before heading for the exit.

The central Galra soldiers had been taken out, but small bands of fighters were still fighting to their last breath. It’s why Voltron has remained on the planet.

The lions had roamed the landscape answering calls for aid and hunting down the last of Zarkon’s forces here.

You meet Keith in the red lion’s hanger.

He’s popping his helmet off, running a hand through his flattened hair. “I thought you were headed out with Allura?”

You shrug, suddenly feeling awkward. “I was, but I wanted to check on you first.” That was a normal thing to do for your friends. There was no reason to overthink things.

“I’m fine.”

He sets the helmet aside, working on undoing the armor off. There was dirt and dust but thankfully no blood to speak of, his or otherwise.

“Then I’ll see you there,” you ask.

Keith looks over, a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar, his smile slight when he replies, “I’m not heading there.” Blunt. Concise.

“It is depressing,” you admit. There was so much resource allocation and need planet-wide.

He raises a brow. “Oh. Yeah.”

“Keith?” Now you’re wondering what the real problem was. “What is it?”

“Does it matter. I don’t need to be there. Shiro and Allura can handle it.” He looks away, suddenly very interested in the wall. Unlike the rest of the ship, the red lion’s hanger was dim, in a permanent night cycle.

Pidge’s work.

“I think the people would like all of Voltron present.” Then you make a face, “oh god, I sound just like Allura don’t I?”

Keith laughs, “just a bit. As long as you don’t make us all meditate…”

“It’s so boring. I fall asleep.” You smile softly, “Seriously, go down for a moment. Then you can hide out here.”

“I-I’d rather not.” He shifts uncomfortably. “Four out of five is is fine.”

“I’m sure they’ll understand,” you agree.

“I’m sure they’ll be glad.”

“Keith-” you start, knowing he already felt hyper aware of how his appearance had changed. Before, it hadn’t really ever come up outside of the team. No one would tell and if Keith wasn’t vocal about it…now everyone in the entire universe probably knew.

There were rebel Galra, mostly in prisons and work camps. Feelings varied.

“That’s not true,” you say, not sure if it was true, “you helped free them.” You shift your weight onto your other foot, “there’s a few assholes everywhere.”

He gives you a long look. “The Galra enslaved all these people.”

“Pfft,” you wave off, “you look like one sixteenth Galra. And-”

“They stare.”

“Because you’re a paladin,” you reason. “Pidge is also cranky about the attention.”

Keith sighs.

The paladin armor lies in a discarded pile.

You step forward to him, “anyone would be lucky to have you as a pilot. And Voltron sort of lucked out when the red lion chose you.”

Keith’s eyes widen as he looks at you, pink dusting his cheeks.

In for a penny, in for a pound, you lean forward and kiss his cheek, ghosting over his skin, “face marks and all.” You can’t meet his gaze when you pull away, blushing fiercely.

Why did you do that!

God, you were so dumb-

He cups your cheeks and brushes his lips over yours.

Oh! Oh.

“Is-is this okay-,” Keith starts asking.

You feel giddy, smiling before kissing him. Yeah, it was okay.

[guidingthulite]

mafuyu, tsukasa and bunnies, or why boku wa kuuki ga yomenai should get into project sekai

this is an analysis originally posted as a comment on youtube, but someone asked me to post it on tumblr, so here we are! if you're reading this, thank you! i appreciate your support very much!

when it comes to character analysis comparing these two, i feel like i don't have much to add, but a recap would start things up nicely!

first of all there's the obvious things they have in common, like being the sole responsibles for their sekais, and the first song being born in them, but even threre, they are quite different! you can't say there's an empty place in the wonderland sekai, it's an ever-expanding amusement park, and new things keep appearing in it! it was even the first sekai to gain all six virtual singers, while mafuyu's the last.

also, they both forgot childhood memories regarding rabbit plushies and family members. when mafuyu did, she shut down and thought more about what this means for her and who she is as a person. while tsukasa remembering just created a song, there was one time when tsukasa remembered something and shut down, during dazzling stage. though, unlike mafuyu, after shutting down, instead of thinking about that, he went "i can use this pain to better my acting skills" which is like. tsukasa. tsukasa darling no, oh no.

also! mafuyu was the first character from her unit to get an event, while tsukasa was the last (they even had they same attribute!).

mafuyu, to my knowledge, hasn't been missing from any n25 event, while tsukasa has been absent from nene's first two events.

actually, while mafuyu's not the leader, everything revolves around her: mizuki relates to her, ena envies her and is kind of fed up with her 'i don't care' attitude (yet worries about her), and one of kanade's main reasons to keep composing is to save her.

tsukasa's the opposite. even though he's the leader, he never feels like a 'main character'. hell, his first event was more of emu's 2.0! even when the conflict revolves around him (in the wonder halloween or the doll festival events) he rarely shows up, he's out of focus.

there's also the fact that, when it comes to themselves, they also parallel each other. tsukasa's self-centered, boasting about how he's going to become a dazzling star and everyone will look at him! and mafuyu is a selfless honor student who will help anyone who ever needs it. ... but it's not actually like that. tsukasa is very selfless, would do ANYTHING for his loved ones, and wanted to become a star to make others happy. mafuyu, while lacking a sense of self, when asked if she wants to do something, like going on the mystery tour or to the fan festa, answer something along the lines of "as long as it'll help me find myself"

hell, even how honest they are. tsukasa is an actor, but he's very earnest, and genuine even to a fault. he's very emotional and if he feels something, he'll express it somehow. mafuyu has a persona she won't give up, and if she even SEES someone from her school, she'll put it up inmediately. but when it comes to their issues, mafuyu knows what's wrong with her and is working towards getting it, but tsukasa buries his issues and IF SOMETHING he'll ask toya for advice but not before telling him that he owes him or that he's the best underclassman ever.

THEIR SONGS TOO. tsukasa's, besides the world hasn't even started yet (whose meaning again gets overlooked because when i read the lyrics for the first time, knowing what they meant to symbolize, i went "oh. oh this guy's not okay is he" and emu and miku go "this is a very cute and bouncy song, tsukasa!" IT'S NOT. I HAVE A PASS, I DON'T KNOW JAPANESE. YOU GUYS DO. WHY DID TSUKASA GET THE PINOCCHIOP SONG.) is a lot about the "we". tondemo wonders talks about how cool WE are, how WE still believe in wonders! and when it doesn't, it's about how the singer feels about the person the song is being sung to. and 88☆彡 is SO CLOSE to tsukasa being self-aware. SO CLOSE. i want the next tsukasa focus to destroy me. to kick my ass and stab me to death.

mafuyu, even though has not much sense of self, has her songs be more about... well... her. SHE is the jackpot sad girl. SHE remembers laughing with "you" when she's alone. isn't that strange?

also! the virtual singers! mafuyu's are most likely based on the other nightcord members (rin, sort of tsundere-y but caring deep down, is ena. meiko, not wanting to get involved directly and putting a distance between who she calls friends, even though she is trying to help, is mizuki. luka, being harsh when it comes to criticism, but having good intentions nonetheless, is kanade (though her harshness most likely stems on how harsh kanade is on herself. harsh, yet truthful) and miku, not knowing much about the world but wanting to experience it, is mafuyu herself. i haven't read the bug event, but i've heard len is mafuyu when she was a child.

wxs virtual singers are... kind of strange, when it comes to analysis. they're very secretive! wxs miku even refuses to talk about what she does when no one is visiting, which ties in with what i said before, that tsukasa barely depends on others when he's in trouble. but if i had to think of a pattern... they're there to help the members of wxs! compare wxs miku at the beginning of the main story to her in the latest event, or even the first few wxs ones. she's much more upbeat! as if she's trying to keep up with emu. rin and len are curious, and rin helped nene make more friends. len even got slowly more and more interested in rui's inventions. luka provides a sense of comfort, and meiko is very supportive! kaito... kaito's who tsukasa wants to be and never will. hell, they even bully him like wxs bullies tsukasa! and yet, he's responsible, wise, and can provide advice to anyone! the ideal big brother.

also, is it just me or the fact that wxs luka is the only virtual singer to first appear in a non-unit event is weird as hell? it wasn't even a tsukasa-focus! saki was the main chatrecter!

while n25 miku is mafuyu with an added childish wonder, kaito is an idealized version of tsukasa. and i think it's really funny, you know? how kaito's wxs "key" virtual singer, while he's taking his sweet time appearing in the empty sekai.

also, parents! mafuyu's put a lot of pressure in her, i guess you could say they pay her too much attention. tsukasa's (AND I'M NOT BLAMING SAKI FOR THIS, SHE'S A RAY OF SUNSHINE AND I ADORE HER) barely paid attention to him when he was little. he would wake up in the morning only to find them gone. or even in the middle of the day. or he would spend entire afternoons on his own because his parents had left. i don't really remember them appearing much on current events. i mean, i don't remember them showing up to tsukasa's show in stage of dazzling light, and they weren't around much in the doll festival event... ACTUALLY, he did run from their house to the hospital and they just. didn't notice. neither tsukasa nor saki mention being scolded for running away like that...

and this is kinda dumb and inconsequential, but tsukasa's first event was originally held during my birthday (june 15th) last year, and this year, a mafuyu event was held during my birthday. oh, and their palettes are opposites too!

SO THEN, WHY IS BOKU WA KUUKI GA YOMENAI THE PERFECT MAFUKASA DUET?

because i really like the song.

just kidding!

as i said in the video, the POSING, it's very tsukasa-ish. and there's a girl, the one the posing guy likes, who's always smiling, mantaining a perfect girl persona. posing guy takes interest in her, and tries to get a reaction out of her, which never happens. this is where my hcs start so take this with a grain of salt lol

emu has probably already told tsukasa about mafuyu. how she has this scaaaaary senpai who is always smiling but it's so unnerving! and her wonderhoy... is so not genuine! so tsukasa gets curious because what kind of person could scare emu. if she met a super aggressive thug she'd probably befriend them, getting them to smite her enemies or whatever.

so tsukasa meets mafuyu and yeah, seems pretty normal, emu's exaggerating, until SOMETHING happens and tsukasa's like HUH. HUUUUUHHHHHHH. so he tries to get a reaction out of her. not by being annoying or bothering her, just trying to get her to do something other than like. :)

tsukasa would probably become the first non-nightcord member who mafuyu shows her true "self" to because he's being too annoying (he didn't mean it!) ... but mafuyu finds it endearing. or, like, the lukewarm edition of endearing. they'll work on it.

LYRIC ANALYSIS TO TIE ALL OF THIS TOGETHER, I GUESS

translated lyrics by vgperson!

mafuyu is very... unreadable. he trusts emu's judgement, so even though she's smiling, she probably isn't really feeling it. he's tsukasa tenma, world future star, of course, so he'll get to the bottom of this! ... he just hopes he doesn't get mafuyu to hate him on the way.

tsukasa's behaviour is very... unconventional? he breaks the rules on the daily (thank you, rui! you made him a war criminal, just like you did with mizuki!) he doesn't really act according to any communicative rules, he's just. him

(like when he bumped into kanade and started communicating solely by onomatopoeia.)

(she did it back, so i guess that's good?)

tsukasa decided to become a star, and since saki liked his shows and his exagerated movements made her laugh, he adopted this as his default.

also, that last part, the pv has classmates saying "so happy we're shooting lasers!"

i want robo-nene to do that.

as i said. tsukasa tries to get a reaction out of mafuyu, but she doesn't yield, if she does, tsukasa's gonna tell the church emu, and if emu knows, the whole school knows, and that... would be bad. so she's not gonna play this game, she'll entertain it, sure, but she won't play.

i skipped a lot, sorry, but nothing to add :')

this, more than his mafuyu situation, would be more about where he was before the main story started. he focused so much on wanting to become a star, that he forgot why he wanted to do that in the first place

(we could also take into account the theory that mafuyu was, at some point, a childhood friend of tsukasa's, but due to both repressing their childhood, they forgot about one another. then this lyric could apply to the two of them instead of just tsukasa)

mafuyu THINKS tsukasa just wants to see her break, so she doubles down, but some part of her does want to trust him, so she takes barriers down slowly, because she IS getting tired, and maybe if only tsukasa sees, even if he tells emu, they'll think she's telling a lie or something, because why would they believe the cloudcuckoolander over the honor student? so mafuyu just joins tsukasa's toomfoolery... not by tomfooling herself, of course. she just indulges him and gives him what he wants: a peek at the real mafuyu

and mafuyu probably would think something like "well, now that he's seen the real "me", if that's how he wants to call it, he'll be disappointed and leave, and he can stop bothering me" but tsukasa is genuinely tearing up because mafuyu trusts him that much

he, of course, doesn't tell emu. but he makes sure to tell her that there's nothing wrong with mafuyu.