#and i was sold the idea of an education making my life better

[earthsparkwriting]

FOR ANOTHER TIME

Optimus Prime x F! Reader

Warnings: +18!, female masturbation, inappropriate way of vehicle using, drunk reader

Word Count: 2.1K

Author Note: English isn't my first language. (This is my first fic, please be gentle x( )

That year was meant to be welcoming. That was particularly so given that you believed you were succeeding at your new work until you were abruptly fired a few minutes ago. Didn't you work hard and be kind enough? It occurred to you. Even though you didn't need that work for the rest of your life, you did need it for buying a new car. It's possible that you should have started thinking about moving to a nicer, less warm place or that you shouldn't have sold your vehicle so quickly, assuming you'd buy a new one in the first month of the year. Realizing that the new year was already being a pain in your ass, you groaned in frustration and headed home.

Perhaps all you needed to do was take some time to calm down and think about what to do next, rather than bombarding your head with questions and worries. After all, you were a well-educated woman. Right now, all you wanted was a peaceful weekend, some time to yourself, plus a drink tonight, of course. Everything was going to be okay.

How he ended up driving in the town and when those Decepticons began to follow him were unanswered questions to Optimus. They were still following even though they knew Optimus wouldn't transform there. He requested that Ratched open a portal, but the answer was no. Nobody knew exactly when Ratched would be able to fix the portal, which had been broken for a while.

It would be simpler to play hide-and-seek with those Decepticons if Optimus Prime were a tiny sports car, but given his size and alt form, he was not very good at hiding. Being a small motorcycle would be better in these situations, particularly in a community such as this one. He was adamant about not transforming, though. Everyone was under strict orders to do it, including himself.

But decepticons weren't the most smart.

Optimus eventually discovered a really nice place to enter after some hide-and-seek, and he entered the enormous garage that was open. When he entered the garage, he stopped, checked to make sure no one was inside, transformed, and shut the garage off entirely. He had made a small sound while doing so, but he transformed again in an instant and waited in the dark, hoping no one would notice. He was curious about what the Decepticons were up to, but he would give it some more thought. There was a lot to do.

“Optimus?” Ratchet inquired, worried. “Where are you?”

“In a garage for now,” Optimus answered calmly. “I have no idea what they are doing at the moment. But it's best if I stay inside until you fix the portal or they depart. We must not make ourselves noticed.”

“Alright,” Ratched responded. “But I'm not sure if I'll be able to solve it easily. Are you going to be okay?”

Optimus responded hastily, “Yes, Ratchet” as he heard footsteps approaching. “Just concentrate on fixing it. A human is approaching.”

As soon as you opened the door in a tone that sounded almost drowsy, Optimus fell silent. Without a doubt, you shouldn't have consumed that much alcohol. You had tremendous pain in your head. You pulled a knife out of concern that someone was coming to rob your house, even though you weren't sure if you were hallucinating or not. Although you were somewhat intoxicated, you were not so drunk as to fail to notice the sounds emerging from your garage.

Bravely, you switched on the lights and checked to see if anything was out of the ordinary. Even if you didn't see anything, you groaned in agony because the lights were so painful for your eyes. Perhaps you had consumed a little too much. You noticed a large red and blue truck when you went back into your garage. You forgot that you owned a truck. You were a car enthusiast, but... Right now, you were unaware of whether you were having hallucinations.

You whispered, “Okay,” closed your eyes, inhaled deeply, and then opened them again, attempting to think clearly and persuade yourself that you weren't under the influence.

As your fingertips brushed its flaming symbols and door, you recognized that wasn't something you had made up. You whispered, “Hello, big baby,” and after that you added, “Well, I don't remember buying you. Where did you come from?”

When you realized that you had forgotten to lock your garage door, you rolled your eyes. Perhaps it was one of your neighbor's vehicles. Nobody would abandon their truck on someone else's land. When you remembered that you had sold your car yesterday, you were overcome with sadness and remorse. You shouldn't have sold it so quickly. Not even a nicer automobile or anything was necessary for you, but... You entered the truck with a sigh before you were upset over your ten-year-old vehicle.

You certainly enjoyed big cars, but you found it difficult to drive trucks like this.

Your thumb lightly caressed the interesting symbol on the steering wheel once your hands located it. “Well, your tattoo is cool.”

Although it was dark outside and Optimus assumed you would depart soon enough, he waited calmly, paying attention to the surroundings, aware that Decepticons could pop up at any time while that curiosity-driven female human was inside of him. He chuckled internally when you referred to the Autobot emblem as a tattoo. It was somewhat interesting that there existed a synonym for everything in human language.

You felt worried out, and the amount of alcohol in your veins didn't help at all as you thought about your vehicle, your job, which you lost hours ago, and everything else. You had to deal with much too much tension throughout. You put your head back on the seat and sighed in a tone that was almost melancholic. The softness and comfort of the seat felt good. Your despair state and the amount of liquor you had consumed were keeping you in the mysterious vehicle longer.

Your skirt was slightly raised on your thighs, exposing your legs, so you pushed the seat back a bit more to find a comfortable posture while your mind began to race with nasty ideas. If you had a little fun, nobody would be hurt. Touching yourself would also make it easier for you to go to sleep and, for a little while at least, let you forget about the things that were stressing you out. After all, it's been a while since you took care of yourself.

After taking a deep breath, you lowered your underwear and put your feet on each side of the steering wheel.

Optimus was perplexed by your behavior. He nearly rushed to frighten you away and force you to go, but he didn't want to draw attention since he couldn't foresee how you would respond at that moment. It can be seen as sexual the way you removed your underpants. Not that Optimus had only been on Earth for a week; he was aware of a few things. He was aware that if you realized he wasn't a regular robot form like one of your technologies in your world, you wouldn't act in such a way, but the circumstances were complicated. Optimus thought about what he could do. But he reasoned that the wisest course of action was to remain quiet.

The complex structure of human nature was phenomenal. Optimus didn't know your species that well, but he did know a few female and male humans from high authority. In some specific situations, your kind's responses to emotions were simply distinctive.

You put your underwear on the gearshift after removing them. “Ups,” you muttered in your own drunk and humorous way. When you wake up, you would take it back.

There was nothing Optimus could do now, but he wanted to reach Ratchet again. When you moved your legs back on each side of the driving wheel and put one hand between your thighs, where your sexual organs are supposed to be, he nearly felt himself worrying a bit. Now, that was definitely going to be a sexual moment.

You moaned with relief as soon as your fingers contacted your heated clit, knowing that you were at last doing something right to feel some peace of mind. Though touching yourself wasn't that horrible, at least you had no idea who owned the truck. A massive truck, full of mystery…

When you felt yourself growing wetter, you closed your eyes and fully surrendered to the sensation rising between your legs, with your head arched back and your feet around the steering wheel. Your other hand pushed your panties aside, and you grasped the gearshift without even understanding what you were doing because you wanted anything you could hold onto.

Optimus was about to expose himself and transform when your little flesh hands caught hold of him. Although it wasn't his spike, it was a sensitive enough region of his body to make his pressurized spike shake in response. Optimus ignored his spike's sudden desire for attention and waited and waited as you massaged your valve and kept groaning loudly within him while caressing the gearshift as if you understood what you were doing to him.

Not now, he thought. Not now.

Despite your little size, you exerted a tremendous amount of pressure on the gearshift. You didn't react when Optimus slightly shifted part of him to distract your attention; instead, you continued to take care of yourself, and your lustful, rising voice didn't make matters better.

Since there was too much happening, and the continuous fight had filled his mind and spark with nothing but aggression and a straightforward purpose, it had been cycles—many, long cycles—since Optimus had taken care of his spike. In fact, there weren't many female bots around these days.

Your hands tightened over the gear shift as you felt yourself approaching, and you began to caress it wildly, as if it were flesh. Even though you should have freaked out, the tension and alcohol in your system prevented you from feeling ashamed or interfering with your brief pleasure time. You needed this; thus, you didn't care.

Optimus could not reach for his pressurized spike without a full transformation. Your small hands were determined to shatter his control over his spike, even if he didn't want to do it, give himself over to the circumstance, or get carried away. If only he could massage a bit... Optimus let out an internal grumble. It became harder for him to remain composed and simply wait for you to finish while your moans got louder and more desperate.

Your legs started to tremble as you gasped and massaged your clit, signaling to you that you were almost there. Your body was writhing on the seat as if you were in heat or something, and you whispered, “Fuck, yes,” as your head arched back again.

At last, your back arched when your orgasm hit, and your hand, which was securely wrapped around the gear shift, ceased moving. During the intense climax, your other hand moved and nailed the seat underneath you while your pussy clenched around nothingness.

Optimus' spike was battling, trying to get free as you were experiencing your tiny sexual release without really comprehending what was going on. He finally relaxed a little as he opened up and allowed some of the blue transfluid at the head of his spike to fall on the ground. If only he had the ability to grasp.... It was nearly embarrassing, but Optimus knew that he had neglected his own desires for too long, and regardless of whether you were a Cybertronian or just a human, his spike responded to your sexual activity, and he was powerless to deny it. Simply put, it had been too long.

When you closed your eyes and began to breathe heavily, exhausted, and your jelly legs were motionless on the steering wheel, Optimus quickly—and to his own surprise—placed your underpants within his chest plate. He moved so lightly and quickly that you were unaware of it. He felt he earned a small prize, even if it was not particularly respectable ethical behavior. Since he gave you complete relaxation, Optimus reasoned that stealing a small piece of your cloth wouldn't harm anyone.

A little more of his transfluid fell to the ground as his spike throbbed excitedly. There was just too much to do. He thought to himself, Another time. He would take care of things... another time, as he always did.

Author Note: Please let me know what you think. Reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated ^^love uuu

[iangallagherisadeadman]

shameless hot takes

i kind of dig the way lip ended up as a failure. i know a lot of people hate what the show did to him, how he never lived up to his potential (the same way they do it to rory gilmore) but like. that happens. lifes just like that. sometimes people who have had everything to live with grandiosity end up ruining everything up, and lips life was HARD and it SUCKED so him failing its kind of expectable i think. and its not like lips life ended, mans not even 30 and hes not just smart hes a genius, he will end up turning the table and coming straight to the top, i believe so.

frank doesn't love his children. i know people like to think frank was somewhat nice sometimes and that he was troubled but he loved the gallaghers his own way but i dont think he really did. he didnt even knew them. he was just too selfish and a narcissist and not even once a "act of love" was genuine or didnt have a gain for him or was somewhat for his benefit or interest.

of all plots, i believe gay jesus was the worst. i tried to remeber every other plot of the show and dont get me wrong the frank and his buddy pal mickey oshea SUCKED and i love ian hes my favorite character but what the fuck was that. the idea is really nice but it took so long to convey this arc of mania of him and it just was really badly written and executed and later it doesn't have importance to the plot. no surprise cameron monaghan wanted to skip shameless after that.

gallavich is not a healthy goal relationship. i mean yeah, they do love each other and they are good to each other, and i will excuse them for all the shit they did as teenagers cause they seemed to forgive each other and grow from it and i dont think they knew best but as adults they dont fucking communicate and mick broke ians leg like common. also most of time ian just seems to regret having married mick is really frustrating. i genuinely dont understand how that happened cause gallavich was all the writes had to milk and serve for the last seasons and they still fucked it up.

debbie is a rapist. she just is. just like sheila is too, i believe, and frank, and mandy, and jody, and estefania (i dont think jimmysteve is tho). they practiced nonconsensual sex and thats rape, end of story. i know the deborah debate is kind of hot ground and everybody has a different opinion about it cause she was young and didnt have the proper sex ed. but she did it not once, but twice AFTER facing consequences and getting to educate herself about what she did and why that was wrong, and i believe she would do it again if she had the motivation like she did on those circumstances. not saying matty or derick were cool guys, fuck them, matty wanted to go out with an underage girl when he met debbie and he kept going out with her after knowing she was much younger than he first thought and derick know that having sex can lead to having a baby and he and his family should have tried to be better to franny, but still they didnt deserved to by lied and abused by deb.

the gallaghers house should be debbie and carl's to decide what to do. the house is in fionas name, that much is true, but it is clear they kept contact with fiona at the begging of season 10 as she calls debbie to know about freddie and at that hall of fame episode too, so that much wouldn't be a problem. also, as fiona left, she left debbie in charge of the house's finances, and i believe the responsibility of what to do with the house is left with debbie too. i dont think fiona would be thrilled with the wouse being sold but she moved on and if her siblings are up to moving on too i dont think she would be opposed to it. that said, she would let the house deed on debbies hand i believe. taking up the fact that debbie is a mom with a little child and no other place to live, the fact she doesnt want to sell the house is comprehensible and i dont think any other gallagher can say its not, even more so lip. they tried to make the decision voting, letting the majority determinate what to do, but i dont think thats fair since lip could very easily get a house to himself and ian and mickey too, they had the money. now, about carl, is simply cause he paid for the house, therefore he should had a say on it. season 6, when the house was going to be sold, no other Gallagher than fiona was really trying to make to money to buy it. when she couldnt, carl saved the day and gave the money, and fiona was reluctant but she had no other option than to accept it, otherwise they would lose the house. even though the house is in fionas name like she likes to make it very clear, it is carls, and if he wanted to he could have put it in someone elses name, not lip cause he's in debt cause of the credit cards he has gotten to pay college, but he could have made it ians or anyone elses. he didnt cause he respects family and he respects fiona. since the house is his, and he also didnt really had any other place like debbie, they both should make the decision together.

fiona fucking sucks. i know a lot of people hates her and a lot loves her, and theres people in here that knows shes middle ground just like basically everybody on the show, which is called SHAMELESS for a reason. and i can agree with everybody. my point here is that she did nice things and stupid things and i dont hate her or love her for them, nor do i think all is forgiven because of her trauma or that shes number one worst character of the show. i think she sucks, think that she was wrong for all the liam shit, that she is an agent of chaos, that she was a bad girlfriend for all of her boyfriends just like they were bad for her (except mike he rocks), i think she make some of them worst really; i understand her desire to grown and be someone but i think it was risky to put the gallaghers house on the line so she could open the laundry (even more so cause i dont really consider it hers but carls), i understand how at some point she wanted to grow and take care of herself and be less of an parent in her sibling's life cause if she took care of herself since she was nine i think her siblings could try and take care of each other and their own ass a little so she could start living but the way she didnt really helped ian, the way she shut down debbie and was sad when debbie shuted her down, the way she left carl to his white boy fase without as much as trying and the way she said to them put VERONICA and KEVIN first at their emergency call before her was insane and she should be dragged for it idc. she was always mean to her siblings romantic interests too and that really bugs me cause mandy put lip in college and mickey cared for ian.

lip fucking sucks. most people here think the similarity between lip and frank starts and finishes on alcoholism and appearance but i think its more than that, i think both of them are narcissistic motherfuckers. i cant think of a single time lip put effort in anything for any other reason than to satisfy himself. it is the most evident when you think about his relationships SPECIALLY tami and fred, but if you think about his desire to be a father, the way he treated fiona when she was down, the whole sierra fiasco and how he treated her sons daddy, the karen ian thing; he even said that he helps his alcoholic friends because he thinks that if they cant do it then certainly lip himself won't be able to do it. i cant hold ian to the same parameters, i only think deb fiona and carl are really there for each other but ian gets a pass cause hes just selfish to some extent. he is bipolar and shit went down when he was still a child; still, joining the army and sending no news was a dick move and when he was good and on his meds and working as an EMT i think he wasnt really there for his family, tho he cared for mandy. cant really say much cause most of the time he was out of himself or in jail.

[darkwitchingflower]

Things my friends have said as percy jackson characters pt. 5/6 idk I've lost count again

Apollo/Lester: I have an idea for you: thank you Apollo for blessing my life with your godly presence. Your meat wand is a blessing this summer as its size will provide shade for us all 😍 (friend not on tumblr)

Leo?: EVEN IF I HAVE TO DRAG PIPER(?) OUT THE HOUSE BY HER UNICORN HAIR (friend not on tumblr)

Leo: It's yeasting time!

Percy: Nico I am both amazed by you and concerned (@wraith--2)

Nico: What'd I do now? I'm really confused (me)

Percy: The whole dissolving your hand and drinking it (@wraith--2)

Nico: Oh ye I forgot about that (me)

Apollo: Why is a femboy stronger than me? (Friend not on tumblr)

Piper: Ladies and gent, let's pierce our flaps! (Friend not on tumblr)

Thalia: Why am I asexual? Well I decided to f*ck with depression and it f*cked back (@wraith--2)

Annabeth: I full support pettiness when it's due. It's like sass with emotional damage

Leo: My honka wonka bandonkas are just supreme in size what can I say? (Friend not on tumblr)

Piper: 😘 (me to @wraith--2 )

Annabeth: Piper, behave yourself around the asexual (best friend not on tumblr)

Nico: Corpses can't forgive. Silly bi*ch (@wraith--2)

Leo: Grab the robotomy it's time for a lobotomy (me)

Percy: Their all gonna pay for messing with my shrekie poo (friend not on tumblr)

Percy: Leonardo cappachrio (best friend not on tumblr)

Will: It's a bit too straight in here I gotta take my socks off.... you're allowed to make love to the homies as long as you have socks on (best friend not on tumblr)

Grover: Thank you for the balls (I meant maulteasers, this is also said by me)

Piper: If they (men) can have their penises out why can't we (women) (me)

Piper shivers*

Jason going to hug her: aw you cold? (Me)

Piper: ye my nipples are hard (best friend not on tumblr)

Leo: Simba, the sacrifice (best friend not on tumblr)

Playing human fall flat:

Piper: Let's kiss! (Best friend not on tumblr, she's piper in all of this interaction)

Our characters head butt*

Annabeth: how much do I owe you? (Me)

Piper: sssshhh pain will be over soon!

Annabeth: oh ok

This interaction is the same people as above with same characters

Piper: I'll get it out for you, baby girl

Annabeth: Is it in?

Leo: Don't grab my butt that costs money (best friend not on tumblr)

Dionysus, idk who else to put lol: God of wine and insanity... otherwise known as me last weekend (best friend not on tumblr)

Annabeth: The f*cking duck that asked the same f*cking man every f*cking day for some f*cking grapes when all he f*cking sold was some f*cking lemonade and then when the f*cking man brought the f*cking duck to a f*cking store to buy some f*cking grapes the f*cking duck asked DOES THIS STORE SELL F*CKING LEMONADE (Best friend not on tumblr)

Percy: Yeup, that's the duck (me)

Annabeth: AND YOU THINK HES EDUCATED?! (Best friend not on tumblr)

Percy mahbe in the labyrinth?: BE WAREY! I hear a worm... (@carpcranium)

Annabeth explaining the difference between a horse and pegasus: ...but they're not allowed to fly because horse* racism (@indecisivenb )

*the actual quote is bird racism but saying horse made it fit better

Nico: Don't worry, if the ghosts don't ghost you I will 🫡 (@wraith--2)

Leo: Tf2 heavy weapons guy is kinda hot (friend not on tumblr)

Percys dyslexia getting in the way of wording something*: He's rubbing off against me (@duckbakery)

Piper: I'm being blackmailed with my biggest weakness; gay people (@indecisivenb)

Jason: We are not getting yeast infections in my house, Leo (friend not on tumblr)

[eugenedebs1920]

I can’t picture a scenario where I hate someone so much I’d sell my country down the River. I can’t picture a situation where I’d relinquish all my principles to spite someone. There’s no circumstance where , just to get at somebody, I would forego my values. There’s nothing you could offer me for my self respect.

That’s what the Republican Party and MAGA have done. MAGA, and their hatred of anyone who does better in life than themselves, which is pretty much everyone who isn’t MAGA, have sold our nation out. They have handed the keys to the car to the drunkest person at the bar. They have pushed the cart over the edge it once balanced, and off in to the a watery grave below it goes. Goodbye America, thanks for everything.

I suppose Woke deserved it. Fuckin pricks and their want for equality. Damn Woke and their wanting justice. Justice for the climate, justice for the middle class, justice for everyone, like that damn allegiance we used to take. I got an idea! Let’s put the worlds dumbest fake billionaire, you know the guy who says “you’re fired”, yea that feller with the yeller hair implants. That’s the guy we should have for president.

It’s hard to imagine being that stupid. It’s by design. Why do you think the majority of red states have the lowest rankings in education. To manufacture a bunch of idiots as a reliable voting block.

Maybe we should put that feller with the big forehead, that guy from Florida, if wrap around shades were a person, Matt Gaytes. That there guy would make a good attorney general, whatevet that is. How bout that other guy, with the voice sounds like here been gargling broken glass. Definitely department of Health. Perdy much, if they ain’t qualified to run it, put em in. It’ll make for one hell of a season of the prentise…

Then you got these cowards like Lindsey Graham. There’s been times I almost feel bad for the damn guy. Trumps got him so tightly wrapped around his finger I can’t breathe. His counterpart, Tim Scott, he’s almost worse. It’s all he can do to not call Trump…. Anyway… He’s pathetic. Got snubbed again by Trump for a cabinet position.

Rick Scott! No one has ever looked the part of Nosferatue better. Hollywood couldn’t have made a better batboy from the National enquirer. Guess we do know what happened to him now. Him and Ron Sanctimonious are in Florida circle jerking to a piece of trumps suit he pretended to almost get assasinated in.

What a joke!

I’m not a deeply religious man but. The end of days may be near. I should find some cardboard to write on so I can warn everyone!

[willowwind78]

Bobbert Hillfilly

I called him a Gnome Illusionist. He sold almost immediately on my eBay site. Obviously, I should have charged more for him... hopefully he has gone to a loving home who appreciates him. Good thing I'm not out for profits, just sustainability.

At any rate, this guy was fun to paint. I struggled with that eye on his robe. It looks WAY better in the pamphlet than it does on the miniature. The indentations made it difficult to get colors where I wanted them to be. Not sure why the illustrated one has buck teeth. I think of gnomes as having big noses not big teeth but everyone has their own ideas, most of them cute.

Incidentally, I am currently in a seminary course called Introduction to Worship. Right now. It's online and I am paying as little attention as possible. Not overly interesting today. Too many things on my mind. So, I am trying to make sure I've got posts lined up for a little while.

I should probably check to see how many more I've got queued up, I must be running low by now. I can't paint a miniature a day. I haven't painted in almost a week. Between all the funerals, seminary, homebound visits, appointment season, LPC Continuing education credits, Minecraft and K-Dramas, I just haven't the time. Incidentally if I ever learn to understand Mandarin and Korean it will really free me up to paint so I don't have to read the subtitles.

Oh well, life is good. I paint when I can. I sell what I can. I try to entertain those who take the time to read my ramblings when I can. I thank my loyal reader, possibly readers but probably just one for taking the time to acknowledge my words, my paint and my existence. Thank you!

[dionyrtal]

Hey! I am just curious about your self-publishing journey :) How did it work? I don't have the slightest idea about this process hahah

Have a lovely day!

hi! it all started in 2020 honestly. i had no idea that self-publishing was a "thing", and i was recommended an indie author's vlog on youtube one day. i watched her videos religiously. i was fascinated with the idea!

and when the pandemic happened, i found myself thinking about what i wanted to do with my life, and whether i would get the chance again if i didn't do it now.

i started writing a lot of poetry on the margins of my textbooks (an effect of the lockdown and online education, I think) and i started researching how to do things. how to design covers, format the book, upload it to KDP, set pre-orders, edit a manuscript, etc.

i published my first poetry collection that year in november. marketed it horribly here and started my instagram account as well. i kept writing poetry even when i went back to campus and published my second collection in february 2022 (i think?).

it sold less than the first collection even though i think it's much better in terms of quality. but i was still happy that people who had never heard of me before were taking a chance on my work.

while i was writing my senior dissertation, i started working on my debut novel. i wrote 5 or 6 different drafts, worked with an editor, tried to improve my marketing skills on tiktok and instagram and... i don't know how it happened but i hit amazon's best seller's lists, had an amazing launch in terms of sales, and people were really supportive.

i want to be a full-time writer one day, it's still a big dream!! and i'm so happy that i went the indie route. admittedly, i'm making a lot of mistakes but i'm still learning and i enjoy being in charge of creative aspects of my work (hiring cover designers, working with editors and beta readers, trying to think of new ways to market my book and reach new readers, etc.).

it's a very demanding thing of course and i still don't make enough money to make a career out of it but it makes me so so happy <33

[fruit-salad-ship]

Do not get this twisted, i will never play and do not like League of Legends.

BUT.

HUGE BUT

Arcane is my fav show, and I dont know how i've not made an AU for it yet. So here we go!

Plums a daughter to a high powered Trencher, she has a good life, despite being part of the lanes. Her education is great, mind sharp, and tongue sharper. Hired hands keep her safe, not that she needs any help with that. She is known to most as someone you dont cross, her enemies do tend to dissapear without trace, that is unless she wants you to find bits of them. Her hatred to topside is minimal, she's been priviledged all things considered, but harbours a lot of spite within her tiny frame, and is a fantastic drivign force to others. Her compelling intelligent words can rally folks to fight for her cause, whatever it may be. Her friends are superficial, all quick to nod and agree with her, even if they dont actually like her ideas, and she's not stupid enough to miss that. Her company is bought, not true, and it irks her some days. All those close tend to keep her company for personla gain. For this reason she struggles to truly trust anyone. Weapons of choice: pistols, daggers. Category: precision, mid/close range, stealth.

Grey is a topsider but learnt to hate his own, seeing the injustices first hand due to his curious nature, he went to the lanes and found himself having more fun than he's ever had in his life. this however showed him a side to life he took for granted, he had a lot, and many had little. So every other night he sneaks out and dresses to blend in, skulks down into the trenches to party with more interesting, far more hard working folks. His deep pockets are spent helping people when he's not drinking it away, son of a writer, his penmanship gives away his heritage. He if offered a job scribing for a high powered family in the lanes, and is privvy to a lot of secrets and information he would otherwise not know. His family dont understand why he'd do that work, and distance themselevs from him for it, he however has found a new cause, a reason to try to better whatever he comes into contact with, one way or another. The people he's met are good, or at leaat, have every potential to be. Weapon of choice: Rifles, throwing knives. category: Technical, long range, deesculative. Peach is an apprentice to an old herbalist and doctor, one of the Lanes oldest providers of medicine, learning all there is to know about helping people who can pay. The new issues of Shimmer make work tough, and even her own life has danced with that demon once or twice, enough to understand what it does to someone. Her family sold her out as a worker, so she's been job hopping her whole life, dodging danger whenever possible, often being less lucky and finding herself in less than optimal situations. Because of this she's grown to be strong, physically and mentally, handling most issues with a cockiness that comes with the territory of being so big and so brutal. Free time is spent either drinking or fighting for extra cash, her friends are solid, connections loyal, and knowledge growing as she studies medicine more, learnign all she can from her boss. Sometimes she goes out to the moores to collect herbs, a moment of peace compared to the lanes. Weapon of choice: improvised, unarmed. Category: brute, close range, poisons and tonics.

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Plums family is the one Grey works for, so those two see each other in passing, and his good nature is curious to the young woman, who's so use to dishonest and devious people in her life. Yet this man seems genuine and open hearted. He is a fool to her, but a fool she rather enjoys for his realistic approach to situations, not fogged by social status, personal opinion or potential gains to be had. He gives balanced judgement, something Plum values. Grey likes the young woman, she tried to spook him during their first interaction but failed due to his genuine lack of awarness on who she was, and the seemingly fun joke she played. He is almost painfully oblivious to just how dangerous she is, that is until he gets caught in the crossfire because of her dirty deals and underhanded tactics. Greys sudden injury leaves Plum with little choice, hobbling his huge form to the closest doctor she could recall.

Inside the cramped herbalists she demands someone help her friend, the first time she's used that word and meant it. The owner of the place was out but his apprentice was there, a tall intimidating looking woman who did not look at all medically skilled. Plum even questioned her abilities upon seeing her for the first time. Peach explains this care wouldnt be cheap, especially not for a topsider. Plum starts to haggle her down, thretening with her family name, something peach doesnt even care about. The price actually goes up with every mention of them. Peach wont touch him until the amount is agreed on, and Plums fuming she's being taken for such a ride. Grey however is bleeding out in a chair, both girl looking to him, one calm and collected, suggesting to hurry, as he didnt look too good. Through gritted teeth Plum agrees to the price, hands over too much coin, and watches this woman haul her injured friend into a back room. There she's able to patch him back up, it takes a while, Plum's sat in a chair amongst all these strange plants and potions, a few hours later turnign her head as Peach returns, bloodied, explaining that the patient would be fine with rest.

After that, Plum is mildly intrigued that a laner would be so bold with her, no one dares normally, but Peach didnt care, and actually, she did do a good job with Grey, he made a full recovery in no time. Its not that Peach didnt know who Plum was, of course she did, but when someone that powerful walks into your little shop? You take the opportunity to gain some extra cash. Grey returns to the doctors place of work to find the manager back, saying Peach had a day off. He wanted to thank her, so the man suggested he looked at a local bar she frequented if he's that bothered. If he doesnt need anything however, he should leave. Undeterred, Grey treks off to this place, its a seedy little joint with loud music and a notable shimmer presence around, but he can buy a drink and glance about the space, not seeing her. Its not until he notices several people going downstairs that he decides to follow. Beneath the bar is what looks like a makeshift boxing ring, people crowd and jeer, most drunk, some hosting bets, others smoking and laughing. And there she is, his doctor, the woman who saved his life, is mid fight in the centre of this space against someone twice her size, Peach looks bloodied, as does her opponent, both exchanging blows, each time with a loud cheer or boo, depending on who was on whos side. He watched her slip an uppercut through their defences and her foe falls, The woman bends over, spits out blood, a couple of laners at her side, one shaking her form with a smile, another handing her a beer. They all laugh as she catches her breath and stands up straight, looks like hell but grinning. She calls it, heading back upstairs with a little wobble in her step, shaking it off. Grey follows and waits until shes finished her drink, buying her a new one to approach with. She doesnt recall his name, surprised he's found her, refers to him by his injuries, hard to forget him, got a pretty penny for that job.

Their chat turns to laughs, to more drinks, to jokes, turns out the topsider is actually a bit more fun than Peach had first thought. kind of glad she didnt fuck up his medical procedures now. After adequate partying they stagger out, arms over shoulders trying to support each others forms from falling, gut laughing, peach pulls a smoke, offers one to grey who goes with it, joins in, coughs less than Peach expected, somewhat use to the nightlife in the lanes by now. She drags him towards her apartment, keys jingling as she gets the door. Inside is a small functional space, lived in, but she's not focused on that, no no, she's focused on getting this big rich kid out of his clothes. Grey doesnt argue, and the two spend the night doing anything but sleeping.

Plum of course worries when Grey doesnt turn up for work on time the next day. He's usually punctual, but by midday he's snuck in, back to work. He looks like shit, tired, groggy, a little deshevveled, when she gets close he smells like a bar, smiling to herself as she catches him off guard, the man jumps at her suden presence, relaxing once he sees its just Plum. She immediatly points out the state of him, to which he explains he went to go thank the Doctro who helped him, and things got...out of hand. He was pulled to one side and Plum demanded to know everything, fascinated with this situation. Who knew a topsider had it in him to charm a woman like that? She was impressed.

Eventually Plum finds an excuse to return to the herbalist, making sure to wait until the guy who owened the place went out, leaving Peach alone in the shop. Her apperance didnt surprise the larger woman who leant on the counter reading, only briefly glancing up at her before smirking and returning to her book, stating how it was only a matter of time Plum would crawl back to her, expert medical skills were hard to come by. A statement that immediatly threw plum, why did this one not fear her like the rest? Regardless, she came in for medicine which was true enough, complaining of headaches, awful ones. A little digging and Peach suggested its stress related, maybe she should try to relax a little between beating the shit out of people for looking at her the wrong way. Plum realised in that comment that Peach did know who she was, had done the whole time, just...didnt care? or chose to ignore it? Brave, or stupid, she was not sure.

Their thinnly veiled threats had some kind of flirty undertone, a dangerous dance between two equally dangerous people. Eventually Peach suggested that the little lane royal should come out for drinks, see if she's able to let go of her duties and pride and just be one of the normal trash folks for a night. Plum agreed, adamant it was to prove she was more than capabale of keeping up with her, and no other reason.

The girls turned up at the usual bar Peach frequented after her shift, Plum had met her outside the herbalists so they could walk over together, she wanted to dig for more on this woman, she was a nobody, reputation either very good or very bad, no inbetween at all, and their conversation yielded very little to expand on that. Drinks flow, the pair settle into a competetive state of existing, exchanging stories, trying to one up each other for the entire night be it at drinking, or playing cards, or trying to get bottlecaps in someones glass from 20ft across the room with a throw. Admittedly, Plum was actually feeling a lot less stressed out, maybe this big idiot was a better doctor than she'd first thought, a statement she said out loud. Peach laughed, corrected her that technically she was only a nurse right now. Plum had a moment, maybe it was the drink, maybe the sight of this jacked woman's arms while she shuffled a deck of cards to play another round, but the image of her in the nurses uniform you'd see people wearing at parties to try to be sexy wouldnt go away. It was both hilarious and unnerving, mainly because she didnt know she wanted it until her brain put it there. Maybe she could convince her to play that role someday.

A few more drinks and Plum was done, her small frame and lower tolerance made it clear she needed to go home. Peach threw her on her shoulder, pickpocketing her in the process to pay for the tab, pretending like it was her money to Plum who was none the wiser at this point. Getting her back to her place was difficult, for a little human she truly made life difficult, grabbing onto posts when she wanted to stop to look in a window of a shop or catch a cool view. After a while Peach became wise enough to avoid all grabbable things, but that just diverted Plums attention to her. The last street before home and Peach feels these little hands slip up under her shirt on her back, something that doesnt bother her, but she does question her company with a chuckle, the hands following lines of muscle. Plum shrugs, slurs out something about 'just lookin'. Peach has to fish around in the drunks pockets to find keys, trying two before the third works and the front door of this womans home opens. Its far nicer than where she lives, plush for a lanes home, tall ceilings and heavy silk drapes, furnitures in good condition, theres a distinctly cleaner quality of air in here.

Plum gets put in her bed, water on the side table, Peach is ready to leave but theres no way it'll be that easy. This wirey little monster she's helped is far more agile than she thought, and admittedly, Peach is also pretty drunk, capable sure but not at all her most alert. Before long the bigger womans stuck under the thighs of Plum who's just not letting her go. Their interactions are closer to a fight, any kind of collision with a woman like this is a dangerous choice, Peach isnt an idiot, this could be great, it could be terrible, theres no way to know the outcome...but she's only human, and the opportunity to sleep with someone like Plum is far too tempting. May as well go with it, whats the worst that could happen...right?

Well the outcome was great, for a while. Until it dawned on Peach that she was seeing a lot more of Plums goons coming to her place of work for medicine and care. The buisness was making good cash, and her name was alwasy the one asked for, a fact peach's boss couldnt overlook...now she owed Plum for this, she was the sort of woman who'd find a doctor in her pocket very useful too no doubt. Peach knew she was being used, it'd creep up and be clearer to see when Plum would ask for specific poisons, or about methods of removing things from people without killing them, at first harmless medical questions in passing but it was eventually clear she was using this information. Then a body turns up of someone high powered...

Things get dangerous when rich folk turn up poisoned. Then one day a topsider is found. wealthy guy who was killed with a familiar toxin, one peach knew all too well, a toxin that if someone wanted could be traced back to her shop, her work. She had to stop this, but it was too late. Plum had brought a lot of buisness and money her way, Peach owed her, a debt she was unable to repay without a miracle. Now under the thumb of a tiny tyrant, her services are bought out, becoming a doctor for Plum's family, providing carefully curated medication for all that aisles, partered with her old boss who was happy to see her bring such a high powered customer to his doors.

So Grey and Peach become lackeys, one happily, the other reluctantly. Their boss is harsh but fair with them, they get into all kinds of altercations, and while they love eachother, its sometimes very bitter sweet. Greys a smart, well spoken sweet guy but his lack of lanes knowledge gets him in trouble sometimes. Plums crazy sure but shes got a sweet side, and takes care of her own well. and Peach is a bruiser, who'll fly off the handle if pushed too hard, but my god do they need someone who knows medicine. Together they cause a lot of trouble.

[shewholuvsgreen]

“My life’s journey from childhood memories to present realities.”

My childhood was pretty chaotic but fun. I grew up moving from place to place with my family, but the countryside was where i felt most at home. Nature has always been my sanctuary, always fascinated by its overwhelming serenity. My life was colored with simplicity and a loving family, I explored the world with them and created some of my fondest memories.

When I was young, I didn't like school much. I preferred playing outside, picking flowers, and turning them into delicious dishes that I then sold to my pretend customers, who were my cousins and friends. They would give me candy wrappers as payment. We also played games like bahay-bahayan, hide-and-seek, and other traditional games that were enjoyable and fun. I remember my grandparents or parents not wanting us to play outside if we didn't sleep during siesta. So what I did was fake sleep until they fell asleep, then I would sneak out to play with my friends! I know I'm not the only one who's done this, right?

As I got older, my childhood days filled with both chaos and happiness started to change. I began to spend more time in school, and although I still loved being outside, I had to deal with new things I had to do. Growing up and becoming a teenager came with its own difficulties and things to learn.

I found solace in books, losing myself in stories that transported me to different worlds and ignited my imagination. Even though I didn't always enjoy school at first, I started to really like learning. Each year, I realized how much education could offer me, giving me chances to do things I never thought possible when I was younger.

Throughout my teenage years, I struggled with figuring out who I was and where I fit in. Because my family moved a lot, I learned how to adapt to new places, but I also wished for a stable home. Even though we moved around a lot, my family was always there for me, giving me love and support whenever I needed it. They were like my anchor, keeping me steady through all the changes in life.

During the pandemic, I was still in eighth grade. We were living in the city that time for school, but we had to go back to the province because of the pandemic. It was a tough time for me because I had to take care of my grandpa and younger sister while doing my schoolwork at home. My parents had to go back to work, and my older sister needed to continue her studies too. But I kept going and stayed strong because I believed in myself and had faith.

I thought the pandemic was the worst, but nothing can compare to the excruciating pain I felt when my lola died. She was the best lola I could ask for; we loved traveling so much that we walked miles just to get where we wanted. Before my lola passed away, I had the chance to take care of her, but it was only for a short period of time. But I must live so that my lola from heaven will be happy for me.

As I dealt with the difficulties of growing up, I learned how important it is to keep going and stay strong. Even when things were tough, I didn't give up on my goals and dreams. Every challenge I faced made me tougher and more determined to handle whatever came my way.

As I approached adulthood, the idea of leaving behind the familiar comforts of home and trying new things both excited and scared me. But I knew that with my family's love and support, I could handle whatever came my way. I was determined to find my place in the world and make a difference, armed with a strong sense of purpose and a desire to learn.

Looking back on my life from when I was a kid until now, I feel thankful for everything that happened to me. The fun times of being a kid and the tough times of growing up all helped me become who I am today. Each part of my life taught me something new and helped me become better.

Even though I'm not sure what the future holds, I know I can handle whatever comes my way. I've learned a lot from my past experiences, and I'm excited to chase after my dreams. With the lessons I've learned and the hopes I have for the future, I feel ready to take on whatever challenges life throws at me.

In the end, what makes us who we are isn't just where we end up, but all the things we go through and learn along the way. As I keep going on this journey called life, I remember the wise words my dear lola shared with me: to treasure every moment, make the most of every chance, and always see the beauty around us.

Life is like a winding road with twists and turns, ups and downs. Along this journey, we encounter all sorts of experiences that shape us and teach us valuable lessons. It's not just about reaching a specific destination, but about the adventure and growth we experience on the way there.

My lola's words have always stayed with me, guiding me through life's challenges and reminding me to appreciate the little things. She taught me to find joy in the simplest of moments, to seize every opportunity that comes my way, and to never take the beauty of the world for granted.

Cherishing each moment means taking the time to appreciate the people we love, the places we visit, and the experiences we have. It's about finding happiness in everyday things and being grateful for all the blessings in our lives.

As I journey through life, I hold onto my lola's words as a guiding light, reminding me to live each day to the fullest and to always keep an open heart and mind. In the end, it's not about the destination, but the journey itself, and the memories, experiences, and lessons we collect along the way.

[irradiatedcatboy]

Commissioned art of my Courier Julius made by DrowzyDeer.

Courier Julius

Stats:

Strength : 2

Perspection: 6

Endurance : 2

Charisma : 7

Intelligence : 6

Agility : 7

Luck : 7

Tag skills: Repair, Science, Speech, Sneak

Traits: Skilled, Wild wasteland

Companions: ED-E & Vulpes (I love mods)

Name:

He barely remembers anything from before he was shot by Benny. When he joined the Legion Caesar gave him a new name and identity: Julius

(I usually just call him courier because I’m lazy.)

Age: 26-28

Gender: Trans male

Karma: Evil

Disclaimer! I changed some stuff since the canon and honest hearts sucks. First I made Caesar trans because why not? I think it makes his character and ideology much more interesting. Also Joshua and Caesar were lovers and Vulpes is their biological son. Fox boy doesn’t know it. Pretty much everything else is the same tho.

Backstory:

He grew up in a vault separated from everything. (Yes I gave him the same backstory as the lone wanderer) He’s mean, holds grudges and has superiority complex towards most people of the wasteland. He views them as dirty and uncivilized. In the vault he received standard education and learned many useful skills that would later help him survive the outside world.

He left the vault few years before in the hopes of better life. He was a spoiled brat and had no idea how rough things would be outside.

His new focus in life is finding a place to stay and maybe have a stable life at some point.

During the game:

He’s a petty person and wants to destroy the Strip because of Benny. The fact that one bullet was enough to fuck up his brain and steal his memories makes him furious. Helps the Omertans with their little terrorist attack as well as returns the White gloves to cannibalism.

Other fun things his done: blow up the brotherhoods bunker, sold Arcade to legion, got everyone killed in Sierra Madre, nuked NCR etc.

Fighting is something he tries to avoid, but not because he’s a pacifist. He’s just a coward and knows most people could kick his ass in combat. His extremely lucky to be alive.

NCR has declared him a terrorist, Mr House is dead and he’s too lazy to go with the yes man route so Legion was the only option for him. He’s quite curious about their ideology since he has no home, family, friends or anything left. He hopes to find purpose for his life there.

Most companions don’t like him at all and Boone, Arcade and Veronica hate him. Raul is the only one willing to tolerate his bs. Oh and Julius won’t travel with Lilly since he’s afraid of mutants. But he’s okay with Cass, Rex and ED-E.

Caesar sees him as useful pawn so he gives the courier a new name and purpose. He’s seen as a helpful outsider (and a degenerate) by most of the Legion but they tolerate him. Vulpes is assigned to protect and make sure courier stays loyal.

During his time serving in Legion Julius ends up visiting Nelson quite often and meets someone very special to him. He’s lonely and traumatized man looking for comfort and Dead sea sees him as an opportunity to move up the ranks. I mean if Caesar likes this new guy so surely sleeping with him would be beneficial, right? Well not exactly, after Caesar figures out why courier is so eager to visit Nelson as often as possible he makes sure to remove Dead sea permanently.

Dead sea is killed and Julius is told his lover was promoted and send to another outpost. Thinking his lover has abandoned him Julius doesn't question what he’s told. He has no reason to doubt Caesar.

After the break up with Dead sea Julius is more focused on his newly found career and doesn't start new relationships with anyone. Vulpes is fully aware of what actually happened to Dead sea but he won’t talk, he has no reason to question Caesar’s decisions.

Caesar is a dying man with god complex and in his head the courier and Vulpes are meant to be the future leaders of the Legion. (Just like he and Joshua were supposed to be) Vulpes is his flesh and blood after all, and the courier caries the same anger and pain as he does. Surely these two would be a good choice to lead semi-militaristic cult.

As long as Julius gets to enjoy the benefits of being favored by Caesar he’s very loyal. However if he ever stopped receiving the special treatment he wouldn't hesitate to stab Caesar in the back. And if he ever found out what happened to Dead sea, he would kill Caesar.

The only time he ever considered running away was during his final delievery job. He was told to find the burned man and give him letter written by Caesar. Julius was nosy so he read the letter with Vulpes and they found out who fox bois parents were. Caesar wrote the letter because he thought he was going to die and wanted to say goodbye to his former best friend and lover. (I hate honest hearts so I changed it.)

After Hoover dam:

Julius helped Caesar with the tumor problem and was in front lines during the battle for Hoover dam. He gained good reputation and respect among the Legion. And since Legion has very cult like mentality, the courier was viewed as almost religious figure after all he’d done. Caesar saw this as an opportunity and against his wishes, Julius was forced to take even bigger role in Legion.

His new ”job” or rank would require him to works as an ambassador and convince as many people as possible that Legion was the right choice. The education he received in the vault and his somewhat charismatic personality made him a convincing preacher. At some point he started believing what he was saying, maybe Caesar really was the son of Mars and maybe what they were doing was right.

Eventually all the violence and destruction he saw in the following years took it’s toll. There was no courier anymore, only Julius who was created by Caesar was left. Vulpes stayed by his side all those years as a loyal guard dog. Their relationship was close but not romantic.

Due to his desperate need for a home and family, he had accepted his role in Legion and started spreading the word of Caesar through the wasteland. Where he went the air smelled of decay, ground would burn and turn into ashes.

Julius started slowly becoming more and more deranged with his preaching and used brutal ways of converting and executing those who refused to obey. The story of the burned man had stick with him and it became his signature way of execution. It was the price of his own freedom.

8 years after the battle of Hoover dam, Caesar died and Vulpes was supposed to become the new Caesar. However not everyone was happy with the new leader so Lanius challenged him to a fight in the arena. Vulpes got destroyed. The next problem was Julius and his followers. Lanius saw them as a threat so the logical decicion was to order his execution.

Julius had collected decent following during his time as a preacher and his fanatic followers were willing to die for him. In the end Lanius got what he wanted and Julius was crucified at the same place as Benny was. Most of his followers were either crucified or burned alive.

After the couriers death some of the legionnaires continued spreading his story around the campfire. The people who witnessed Julius burning down towns and commit crimes in the name of Caesar also remembered him in their ghost stories.

The Legion fell apart few years after Caesar's death and the land could start healing.

(I got tired of trans characters always being victims or pure saints so I wanted to make something else. Sorry this was a mess.)

[cheerfulnihilismqualitysuffering]

Because recent events in my professional life have triggered old work-related/existential traumas, I'm going to tell you all the story about what happened around the time that I started the Facebook page cheerful nihilism and why I started it.

Roundabouts 2016 I was in grad school for my fourth degree, if you can imagine. I already had a BS and MS in psychology, and then I had gone back to grad school after a brief stint working in social work because I got so burnt out. I got a master's degree in health behavior education, and went on to attempt to get my PhD.

Getting a PhD had always been an ultimate life goal, for me. I'd always gotten high marks in school, and been involved in honors and gifted programs. When I was applying for my PhD program, I noticed that a lot of the professors that I spoke to about getting a reference had some reservations about the mentor that I was going to partner with. No one would be direct with me and tell me exactly what the problem was, they would just say that she was "difficult to work with." This was true, all the collaboration that she did was with people who worked at other institutions not at the University that I was attending in Florida.

But I had grown up with a mother who can be difficult to get along with, so I thought I could handle it. I was also involved in a really abusive relationship, so people talking down to me or trying to make me feel bad about who I was in order to make themselves feel better was just my normal at that time.

I was unable to afford the trip to present my research at the American public Health association National conference in Denver. Imagine my surprise when a mutual who had no immediate connection to my advisor posted a picture of my advisor standing in front of a poster board presenting my research, without my name on it. She was presenting my research as if it were hers. It felt like a gut punch, I had kind of heard that these things could happen but I had never thought that it could happen to me.

I screenshot the picture and sent it to the dean of the college. That was a mistake. This initiated an investigation that would ultimately end in me not being able to find a new mentor because during the investigation my advisor blackballed me, wrote a letter to the fellowship funding committee that was funding my phd, and claimed that I hadn't done any of the work that I was supposed to be doing to earn my fellowship. I found this ironic because she was just presenting my work... But everybody just believed her. They just assumed that she was telling the truth, that I was insane. Even after a human resources investigation did find that she behaved and unethical ways, because she had tenure, she was just prohibited from taking on any new mentees for a couple of years.

I was told that I could continue in the program if I could find a new mentor, but at this point I was untouchable. I ended up dropping out. The craziest thing is that the department actually sent me a letter demanding that I return the fellowship funding for the last half of 2016. This was on the grounds that, according to my former advisor, I hadn't been doing any work. I sent them a letter with a good faith repayment of $1. I explained to them in the letter that if they disagreed with my explanation they could take me to court. They stopped bothering me after that, but they probably sold it to a collections agency.

While all of this was going down and I was being completely broken by academia, I started a meme page on Facebook. Because I had been unmored from everything that had previously given my life structure or meaning, I became very nihilistic. But it wasn't the depressive nihilism that I often see characterized elsewhere, it felt almost liberating to me. I had grown up going to Catholic school for 9 years, my father was career military, the belief in a judeo-christian God was a strong foundation in my family of origin and all of them still regularly attend church.

The idea that life didn't have any ultimate meaning meant, to me, that I was actually free to just create my own. I'm not staunchly atheist, I'm generally agnostic. What I have personally experienced/witnessed throughout my life characterizes a deity with a morality that I cannot understand or connect to in any meaningful way.

Academia broke me. I'm glad I broke, tbh, I lost a lot of the ideas about myself that were programmed into me by society and my family of origin. That was a good thing. It rapidly sped up the process of de-culturing. Instead of scrambling to put myself back together in a semblance of what I assumed society wanted from me, I just let myself reassemble in whatever way I ended up reassembling.

I started the Facebook page on a lark. Parasocial relationships are dismissed by self-help gurus, but they were the only safe way I could connect to other people at that time. Strangers on the internet were more authentic and genuine with me than the people I saw face to face.

Oh there's tons of trash comments, too. But interestingly, if you're visible to a million people and get hundreds of cruel comments you start to realize that the only ones that hit the mark are the comments that echo the voice of the inner critic in your own head.

[wondersurrender]

AON: When you say ‘follow your dreams but don’t forget to let your dreams follow you’, break that down.

TKC: Who you are at the moment you are conceiving a dream is different from who will become after you go through all the action steps to pursue your dream.

When you have a vision of what your life can be, let us say that is a point A, but there are all sorts of questions you need to ask, places you need to go, things you need to learn, risk you need to take - those things transform you. One common mistake we can make is we can be so unconditionally loyal to dreams we have had in the past that we forget to upgrade those dreams in order to reflect the person that we have become over time.

It could be that when you were in the sixth grade, your idea of good life was this very narrow concrete thing. But after you pursue the idea of that good life, you start to mature, you meet new people, they put new things on your mind, you start to change. And then when you look back, you think, I don’t really want all of those things. My idea of good life has evolved. One of the ways that we can unwittingly enslave ourselves is by persisting in pursuing dreams that no longer matter to us out of loyalty to a self that we have now transcended.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with following your childhood dreams. If you wanted to be something you wanted as a kid and you still want to be that now, have at it. But please understand, the person you are today is superior and wiser in so many ways than that kid. And you need to add layers to how you dream so that your dreams are keeping up with you.

Don’t spend all your time trying to keep up with what your dream once was. Spend some time making sure that your dream is keeping up with who you are becoming.

AON: That’s so good. Growing up I thought rich was the BMWs and big houses. Now, I don’t want rich, I want wealth…I want freedom.

TKC: It’s easy to feel like you have been a sell out when you have been vocal about those dreams in the past. If you are like me, and once upon a time, you wanted to be a professional musician and you were vocal about it, it’s hard not to feel like when you do something like going to education that it’s really giving up. ‘Bro, I thought you wanted to be the next Brian McKnight and now I see you teaching financial literacy at a high school, it looks like you’re selling out.’ No, I have not sold out.  I have got answers to my questions and I have evolved and I have given myself permission to lean into who I am now…The importance of not equating vehicle to destination. The vehicle is how you get there, the destination is where you are intended to be. Our dreams are by their very nature limited. There is always going to be more to who we are than our dreams. Life, in many ways, is a process to make better sense, over time, of our own dreams. In many ways dreams are the symbolic representations of a more fundamental idea of what the good life is…If you get attached to the symbolic representations, we lose sight of the power of what those symbols represent. You don’t have to worry about missing out any kind of good life.

-  T K Coleman, in conversation with Anthony O Neal.

Illustration and embroidery by Izziyana Suhaimi

[space-blue]

Oh yeah, you're right, 14 years of my life working with the public across cafes, restaurants, hotels, hostels, cinema, bookstores, theatres and box offices and I haven't encountered enough rude customers lmao.

Humans SHOULD do this job. Maybe you think people will suddenly be normal and chill and have no stupid questions because they aren't facing a human.

The difference is that I think retail workers should be far better compensated.

Digital tills aren't AI. They're just basic ass software. There's no need for an LLM or an art thief AI to be stuffed in there.

The people you would still have in store with a "differen role" are STILL retail workers and they will STILL be dealing with customers, some of them unhappy, and all of them asking questions from the human rather than the smart till. They'll need to refill the shelves and clean the store and write recommendations and make big spenders feel special.

Thinking in terms of scifi and dreaming up a society in which AI is capable of doing my job better than me, while we're all on some golden universal income, is detrimental to everyone.

AI bros are more than happy to sell the idea of AI as replacement to workers, even if they then have to turn around and completely lie about it and actually have their AI be a bunch of Indian workers!!!

Meanwhile, no government I know of is actually interested in giving me universal income that pays for all my rent, bills, and leaves me enough to enjoy myself besides. They're not willing to fully train me for a better, AI safe job.

And do you know what? Retail sucks because of shitty managers and insane store rules more than rude customers.

I spent years selling books and it was an awesome job. I loved my colleagues and I enjoyed making displays, writing reviews, reading lots of books ahead of publications so I could excitedly recommend. Nothing tickled me more than pitching the perfect recommendation for someone looking for their next reading club book or finding what would work for the christmas present of a young niece not reading enough.

And NOTHING beat the joy of that same guy, back in early January, looking for me across the shop so he could come and brightly thank me, because the graphic novel I sold him about a girl doing ice skatting besides school drama captivated his niece and she's now jumped into reading YA novels.

People remembering me months after and coming for ME because they trusted my recommendations. People gifting us boxes of chocolate for the staff to enjoy. People thanking us with tears in their eyes because we organised an event and they just got to shake hands with their absolute favourite author.

You think I'd want to give ANY of this to AI when AI 1/can't do it, and 2/I could just enjoy doing this with better hours and better pay if only the government can be curb stomped into caring for us?

Don't even come at me with the "not all retail--" angle. Lots of people enjoy lots of different things, and ALL retail workers should be better paid and have better rights, and automation (not AI necessarily) should always be a tool that helps instead of a tool that replaces, so long as society isn't ready for a mass replacement of a vital low-level education work force.

[sanctificationinprogress]

when i first watched this movie and this scene, i was into the second year of dating a girl who would become my wife of now 15 years.

i didn't realize then how this scene really did capture the essence of how our modern mindset makes us alone. at the time, i think our relationship might have also reached a point where we would get into more serious "fights" which would force us to decide if this is going to be one that goes the distance or not.

every relationship is transactional. you find someone that meets your specific needs, you meet their specific needs, so then you have that relationship so long as the transactions satisfy all parties involved.

not very romantic, but it is true.

it is only when a couple is enamored with each other that the transactional aspect of relationship is not a problem. which makes sense why short-term relationships are so full of passion and fun... until it's not.

to become a long-term relationship, it has to survive past the point were at least one of the participants of this relationship realizes that the transactions of the relationship are not "fair". at least one person will feel that they are not getting enough from the other person while they are giving their all. every relationship if it persists long enough will run into this because no relationship's transactions will be constantly 50/50- plus the value of what someone brings to the table in a relationship initially will likely change over time as well.

modern people have 2 issues that work against them in the pursuit of long-term relationship success: our upbringing and pride. pride has always been a problem for people but our modern upbringing makes it worse. there was a time when life made it clear to us that life wasn't about us. there wasn't a lot of toys, children/young adult books, or public resources meant for the cultivation of a child/young person's value of self. as soon as possible, a person had to realize that he or she had a role that their family's and probably their village's survival counted on. the age of this responsibility quite possibly started by the age of 4 for our ancestors. if they were given any formal education, it often just enough to allow them to perform that task everyone needed... which meant that besides the very basic reading, writing, and math, it would be likely more trade-specific. all this to say, a person realized earlier on that life was not about them in previous generations. as we modernized, this realization has been perpetually delayed with things like the Bible as the only herald to tell us that life is not about us. just about everything in modern life tells us that life is about us. everything... except love. of course, in modern times and in relationships, we've brought the idea into that arena that we should get what we deserve because we are worth it. but love is not so... at least not the biblical kind of love that is spoken of in famous excerpts such as 1 Corinthians 13. it turns out that love is sacrificial and all about putting another before oneself. the root of the problem is the sin of pride. pride insists on his/her own way, and someone that will accept nothing less than his/her own way will be alone because that is the only way to always have it your way. pride makes for cold company.

i was lucky when i came to our first major "fight". i didn't realize at that time that our relationship hung on such a balance. i did think to myself that i could do better. i did feel like i wasn't getting everything i wanted, and that the relationship was becoming more work than i had bargained for. i did feel wronged and had every justification and proof to provide as evidence. but for some reason, as we sat on that curb, despite the flaws that we pointed out in each other, we decided to continue with each other instead of parting and looking for better.

modern dating concepts would have said we were foolish... we sold ourselves short. and maybe we could have found better. but for how long? how long until we would want better again? how long until we held onto ourselves for too long and no longer can secure even a short-term relationship because of age?

i didn't know it then, but at day we chose to sell ourselves short turned out to be the beginning of us really loving each other.

[amarantine-amirite]

Blue

I was an artist. I worked in an art store, though. We were considered 'specialists', educating people on oils, acrylics, mediums, and clay. Sometimes, we sold finger paints and plasticine.

I was in a long-term relationship with the love of my life. I never took him for granted and I thought we were going to go all the way. I was wrong.

In January 2018, he suddenly dumped me via text message that said "I got the 7-year itch - it's over, Jane." By this point, I hope his seven-year itch has turned into some form of STD.

It wasn't my fault the relationship fell apart. He didn't understand that working retail in a wealthy area exposes you to a special kind of contempt. Rich people don't just consider you beneath them in a service role but as a human. Even dogs are a little grateful when you pick up their shit.

The store paid us less than the local supermarket. I worked a tough job serving awful people for terrible money.

I missed my friend's wedding and a family Christmas because my job wouldn't give me the time off. I couldn't afford nights out or vacations with my boyfriend. Everything I had went on rent, food and my three-hour both-ways commute on perpetually filthy, overcrowded and late trains.

The rent and food were expenses I could tolerate, but the commute was eating me alive. My boyfriend was the one good thing in my life, but I wasn't the only good thing in his. He walked away, leaving me with filth and crowds.

I stopped showing up to work. If I did, it would be hours late. This went on for a couple of months. One day I told myself you have to go to work, but if it makes you feel better, don't take any shit.

the checkout line snaked around the back of the store. a customer wearing a Von Dutch hoodie came in looking for a fight. He took one look at the line, decided it was an affront to justice, and threw a tantrum that involved pushing over a display.

"Sir, you can't do that," I shouted from my spot at the cash.

The guy in the Von Dutch hoodie yelled back, "You can't tell me what to do, you're a woman."

I climbed over the counter and walked over to him. "And you're sexist," I said. I didn't put my hands on my hips and told him, "I'm serious, you need to get the fuck out of my store."

"No, I don't."

I got in his face. "Let me be clear, you cannot come into this store looking for trouble. I'm a human being and I don't deserve it."

He seemed surprised that he was going to get kicked out so he decided the rational thing to do was to fight me. He didn't listen to any of my repeated orders to back off. He pushed me to the ground.

I tried to get up. He pulled a rubber knife on me. I yanked the rubber knife out of his hand and chucked it into the crowd. It hit my manager on the head. He immediately shrank down after that.

I'd never gotten so mad at a stranger before, let alone a customer.

The supervisor pulled me away and dragged me into the manager's office. a phone call later, the Head Office fired me.

The job cost me my love, and the breakup cost me my job. This strained my friendship with my landlord, who evicted me later that week. Not because he isn't receiving rent, I'm making payments, but because he's tired of me being in the house all the time.

I applied for public housing but was refused. Nobody will rent to the unemployed, and nobody will hire the homeless.

I have since been couch surfing with some friends. I keep wondering where that rude customer is now, and if he noticed I'm gone. Sometimes I wonder if he regrets his actions. I hope he learned not to be rude to strangers because you have no idea what they're going through, and it may ricochet throughout their whole life.

Things changed in April. After countless applications and a stream of rejections, I finally got a job offer for a docent for an art gallery. They said they wanted to discuss my skills over coffee.

On the day of the interview, I went to the address provided in the email. It didn't lead to an art gallery. It led to somebody's apartment.

This woman with dreadlocks and three piercings on one eyebrow answered the door. The apartment smelled like a mix of dog and some herbs. She soon told me she had three dogs and liked yoga, meditation, and massage, which explained it all.

That should have been my first red flag. But no, it got worse.

We drank coffee while talking, and it tasted bad. It tasted like I was drinking manure-flavoured gasoline.

Then the woman massaged my hands. It caught me by surprise. "Don't worry," she said, "this will help you relax."

I stared out into the front courtyard the entire time. The feeling that everything was changing for the worse echoed in my mind.

I feel like this when I'm tired and hormonal, but now the feeling is so much stronger than that. this feels like this one's for real. Something terrible is about to happen. Something big, something that could kill me.

And I started to feel dizzy. My vision got blurry. I had trouble standing up.

The woman notices the discomfort on my face. "You don't seem well," she said with a calm demeanour, "Is everything okay?"

"I think I just need to wash my hands," I said as I struggled to find my footing, "Maybe I had an allergic reaction to the massage oil?"

She reassured me with a smile but should have been comforting but just felt suspicious. "No need to worry, sometimes people feel a bit dizzy after a hand massage," she said gesturing to her bedroom, "If you need to rest, my bed is right there. Take your time."

"OK", I nodded as I continued to the bathroom. I couldn't even see my own reflection, let alone text or call someone on my phone. I thought about the horrible coffee and the massage. There was no way that this was an interview for a docent job at an art museum.

I passed out on the bathroom floor. The last thing I heard was the woman saying, "I think we got her."

I woke up in a backyard somewhere. The lawn chairs just look sad rather than inviting. The yard backed into a cemetery

I woke up face-first on a playground slide. The bottom of the slide had a torn plastic bag, a plate of nine chunks of rotten meat with pennies in it, and a blood-red candle with a blue flame.

The wind picked up. The candle went out. I slid down the slide and I knocked the bag and the rotten meat onto the ground with my forehead.

As I looked up, I heard footsteps moving towards me. Then somebody shouted, "Die!"

I recognized the voice: it was the guy who barged into the art store itching to pick a fight with the cashier. I don't think he learned his lesson.

I stood up and ran away from the slide. I started running towards the road. I thought I got away but I heard, "I'm waiting"

I knew what that meant. They were waiting for me to get too tired to keep running, to stop and pee. I had to keep moving at any cost.

I booked it towards the woods. I could still hear them. "Come back here," they shouted.

I didn't. I kept moving until I tripped on a root and tumbled down a hill. everything went black after that.

I woke up at home. I don't know how I got here, but I'm lucky I'm back. I never expected my blow-up to bite me in the ass the way it did.

@rosewritingprompts

[propositive]

The Uplifting & Motivating Manifesto

When I started this blog, my intention was to make it about positivity. Throughout the semester, other ideas came to my mind as I was working on different assignments. However, altogether I feel like the theme of this blog falls into two categories. This is why the two words that popped up in my head while trying to figure out a name for my manifesto were uplifting and motivating. These are the two themes that my blog falls under.

To begin, I’d like to talk about my representative work. I chose to discuss a poem by Edgar A. Guest which was about achieving your dreams through hard work and having the courage to take risks. As I had already previously stated, this poem really spoke to me and that is because it motivated me to take risks that would benefit me in the long run. For instance, this semester I moved from Florida to Georgia to pursue further education. Moving in the middle of a school semester isn’t an easy thing to do and I feared that my grades would suffer. However, the move was better for my mental health and wellbeing and did the complete opposite.

Next, I will be talking about the abstract image assignment. For this one I chose a work of art by Joan Miro which was of a constellation. I enjoyed the way that this abstract image looked because of the way it made me feel. Not only do I like constellations, but I also like how the art appeared extraordinary. There was so much going on that it seemed a little chaotic but at the same time somehow peaceful. That is because while the artist was painting this image, it was a form of escapism for him. He wanted to flee the hectic life he was living and escape to a more tranquil one. I related to this because oftentimes I want to avoid anything that could bring my mood down and discourage me. Having an optimistic approach to life has helped me to overcome these types of hardships and push through.

While I was still living in Florida, we had a massive hurricane hit us in September of 2022. Hurricane Ian destroyed many of our beaches and multiple people lost their lives as well as their homes. When I saw this article about a man who was trying to turn this tragedy into something that was uplifting, I knew instantly that I wanted to write about it. For our public art assignment, I chose Bradford Hermann’s ant creation. He built these ants out of leftover Hurricane Ian debris and sold them to raise money for the victims. This encouraged our community to come together and take care of one another.

Going out in nature is a great way to lift one’s spirits and brighten one’s mood. That is why for my poetic license assignment, I talked about Sayuri Ayers’ “In the Season of Pink Ladies”. When you go to my blog, the first thing you see is my photo of a bee and a field of flowers. That is because when I think about happiness and joy one of the things that comes to mind is being out in nature. I love the change of seasons and going out to view nature and all the animals that inhabit it. After all, it is recommended that people go outside to get some sunlight each day for at least 30 minutes. Fun fact, getting sunlight increases your Vitamin D levels and boosts serotonin.

To wrap things up, I’d like to summarize by saying that courage and strength are important traits to have. To be optimistic, take risks, be motivated, and become successful I feel like you must be resilient, courageous, and strong. No matter what life throws at you, it’s up to you to get back up and brush the dirt off. In the meantime, though, be kind to one another and offer a helping hand whenever possible. Having a good community and working together is something that we should put more emphasis on.

[angryrivaini]

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