#and i was just gonna have him smoke cigarettes because i mostly know how those work

[possumkingluca]

the writing experience is going down a 30 minute to multiple hour long rabbit hole about something that you would never be interested in normally for one specific minute detail

[fuck-customers]

The other day, these boys (they weren't even teenagers) cane in to the cinema the other day and were trying to buy Deadpool tickets. They obviously didn't have IDs, so they were trying to get other people to buy it for them.

First, they said the guy in line behind them was their uncle and he was gonna watch it with him, only for the guy to butt in with "I don't even know you guys"

Then they were just standing next to the line and letting people go ahead of them in line and asking every single one of them, and eventually, one of them said yes. So my boss sauntered over to the guy as he was trying to buy them tickets and had this conversation:

Boss: "So... you're the parental figure?"

Man: "Yes."

Boss: "You know these boys?"

Man: "Obviously."

Boss: "So the boys are going to sit right next to you? And you understand that if they misbehave and have to be asked to leave, you'll have to leave with them, since you're responsible for them?"

Man: "... sorry guys, never mind."

And then he gave them their money back and went to watch his movie. Like, based on past experience and the way the boys were acting, we're all pretty sure they weren't going to behave during the movie (mostly because they couldn't even behave in the lobby where there's a bunch of employees watching them because it was a very slow day and they were being loud.)

Oh, and the youngest boy could not have been older than 10, at the absolute most, and he had a fucking vape hanging on a lanyard around his neck. Like, kid, you don't need to be fucking up your lungs and developing an addiction when you haven't even started puberty yet. Okay, my grandfather was smoking by age 10, but they also thought cigarettes were good for treating asthma back then. These days, we know better. (Obviously, I don't care if adults smoke or vape, as long as they aren't doing it in the building or too close to me. I do have severe respiratory problems and I like being able to breathe as much clean air as my lungs will allow. But 10, or however old this kid, is waaaay too fucking young. I know laws don't actually determine morals, but smoking/vaping under the age of 18 is illegal here too).

Also, I had not one but two groups of parents argue and throw a fit because I had to tell them they couldn't bring their newborn babies into R rates movies. Like, one of them was just reaching the stage where she was starting to look like a proper baby, but the other one was so young that he was still in the stage where he looks more like an alien than a baby. Like, the girl was maybe a month old, but the boy was maaaaybe two weeks. Yes, I understand that your tiny, tiny infants are probably not going to be traumatized by the new Alien movie. Newborns are extremely nearsighted, so they probably couldn't even see the screen. But you know what babies *do* do? Cry. And people buy tickets to a movie that is Age Restricted (which is what the R in Rated R stands for: Age Restricted 17 and Up) buy tickets with the reasonable expectation that there isn't going to be a screaming child in there. That's why company policy is that we don't allow kids under 6 to Age Restricted films, even with parents. Because if your baby is crying the whole time, people want their money back and we have to give refunds. Corporate doesn't give a shit if you're bad parents or not for traumatizing your 4-year old by dragging him to a Saw movie or whatever (and no, he can't just "play on his iPad the whole time", you're not allowed to have those out either because it's also disruptive to other guests). This has been company policy since around the time the first Saw movie came out, actually. It's not new.

The parents of the little boy were even like "he won't cry, he loves loud noises!" Like, he's two weeks old, he's barely popped out of the womb, you cannot possibly know him well enough to know how he's going to react to being at the movies for the first time (I see parents bringing their 3 to 6 year olds in for their first movie at the cinema, like multiple times a week, and they don't even know how the kid will react most of the time), and frankly at this point, I'm not sure I trust you to make the decisions that are best for your child rather than yourself, since that's a newborn fucking baby, there's a massive COVID surge right now, and the theater is very crowded. I *just* got back to work after catching COVID at the fucking urgent care when I had a concussion, and they had hospital-grade ozone air filters, and both I and the person in the waiting room who had COVID were wearing masks (AND I'm fully up to date on my vaccines). Your baby can absolutely catch COVID if you're going to be sitting in a packed room with a hundred or more other people for several hours, especially since none of you are masking. He can't even have been vaccinated for chickenpox or whooping cough yet.

Your baby in no way benefits from being here, but he could easily catch an illness and die. You know how many toddlers I see that are constantly coughing and don't understand to cover their mouths yet? So fucking many. At least be honest; you're here because you want to watch the new movie, and you're not willing to wait until you can get a babysitter for a few hours. You're not here because your newborn baby "likes loud noises"; if that's really the case, you can take him for a walk near a construction site or something, which is free and less likely to give him a potentially fatal illness. Or, you know, put something on the phone or the TV on for him. I know that being cooped up at home sucks, I really do, but even if you're willing to risk the health of your baby that's still fresh out of the oven, we as a business still do not allow him to be in here for that movie. You can pick one that's not Adults-Only if you really really want to watch a movie right now. Or you could hire a babysitter, or leave him with Grandma for a few hours, or something.

Not to mention the fact that our sound system is good enough to shake things through the sound-dampening walls; it's got to be fucking torture on sensitive newborn eardrums. I have a video of a time when a specific movie was playing right next to the bathroom and some of the sound effects hit just the right pitch that the fucking stall doors were unlocking themselves from the vibrations. (And yes, the sound-dampening walls do work, and we do actually replace the panels when they wear out, but they can only do so much. They're sound dampening, not sound-proof, and audio mixing in films has been all over the place for the last however many years. Movies are often much louder, or at least have a wider range of volume levels across the whole feature, than they did when this place was built decades ago.)

Sorry to get preach-y but have some fucking sense and learn to accept that you can't just do anything and everything you want. I don't even make the fucking rules, but it's going to be on my head if I let you bring him in there and we have to give out hundreds of dollars in refunds because he's screaming.

Also, sorry that this is an Ask and not a Submission. I didn't notice until I was done typing, and it won't let me copy and paste the whole thing since I'm on mobile, only one paragraph at a time.

Posted by admin Rodney

[bearw-me]

This is kinda dark so if you don't wanna do it it's cool. Can I request Carmilla running into a son reader? [Years before she had her daughters she had a son but she was too strict/serious on her boy which led to him...taking his own life. The experience made Carmilla realize she mightve been too hard on him so when hid sisters come around she showers them with love] The reader thinks carmilla is going to scold him, scream at him or anything but she just hugs him hard and tells him she's sorry and that she loves him

i'd like to put my author's note up here before you guys read what i wrote/make a little disclaimer!

TW: mentions of harm

I wouldn't write the act, per-se, but i had absolutely no problem with your request because it doesn't really involve those details (fic wise) this one is mostly about comfort and a nice reunion!

just before you go, know your best-friend mal is always here for you <3 this and every other fic i write is my silent love-letter to you

𝐍𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐆𝐨 — 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞

𐐒 includes : carmilla carmine x son!reader, odette, clara 𐐒 cw : angst, hugs, kisses, comfort 𐐒 summary : after a few decades in hell, you decide it's time to stop putting it aside and visit your mother for the first time since you've appeared in hell. as anxious as you are, she receives your visit with open arms. 𐐒 word count : 1.1 k

The metal body of the cab rattled against the broken highway, the sights of Pentagon city flashing past you in a pink florescent blur. You sighed, slumping into the leather seats.

Were you really doing this?

The thought made your stomach bubble with new found nerves. Rolling and wrenching the muscles in your stomach so hard you suddenly had to lean forward in your seat. Forced to stare at all the dust and garbage littered about the floor.

"Oh god I'm gonna be sick," you mumbled to yourself.

"Don't throw up in my car kid," the driver growled at you, suddenly adjusting his rearview mirror so that he could keep an eye on you.

You tried not to roll your eyes, taking a quick glance out of the window just in time to witness the change in districts.

"Might wanna keep your head down kid! We're in Carmine's district now," he laughed, a hoarse sound filled with cigarette smoke.

You had never actually been in this part of hell. After all these years you've been here, watching as the districts had shifted between hands in the great soul exchange. . .

All those years until you realized she had fallen here just like you.

And you didn't really know how to process that thought just yet.

The once chaotic district was now more silent.

Shadows skulking between buildings and alleyways, making deals to sell weapons and bartering for money.

You grimaced, opting to let those images blur in your mind and let your head fall against the rattling window.

What possessed you to see your mother after all these year? Who knows. . .

It just felt like it had to be done.

Soon, the tall white building had come into view, a place you heard the overlords of hell met up.

And today, Carmilla would be here, same with your-. . .

Odette and Clara.

You stepped out of the cab, soles hitting the pavement with a tap. You paid what you owed to the driver and waved a quick thanks as he sped off, the devil on his heels.

That left you alone, standing like David against Goliath with the empire she had built.

She's. . . kept herself busy.

It's all you could think about. Staring at the gleaming tiles of the building with hesitance.

What would she say to you? Should you have told her you were coming? That you were here?

The sickness that seemed to be plaguing you had come back in waves.

The last time you had remembered seeing her, you were both alive on Earth, screaming at each others faces.

"One day, mi hijo, you will have to do everything for yourself! You will have to take over the business! YOU have to carry all that burdens us and I NEED you to be ready for that! Why can't you just see that! I won't always be here for you! YOU NEED TO STEP UP TO THIS!"

But. . .

You just couldn't do everything she had wanted of you. The standards, the rules, the burden. . . it was all too heavy for one person to carry.

And now here you were, on the white-waiting room couch unannounced.

To sayy. . . what exactly?

You bit at your nails in thought, leg bouncing up and down as you waited for your name to be called.

It was pretty empty today.

No one was really sitting in here with you.

That was a great thought.

A deep, strung-out exhale shook its way out of your lungs.

Nerves, you figured.

You didn't even know what to do with your hands, running them through your hair and rocking back and forth in your seat, wondering if it was too late to just stand up and leave-

"Um. . ." You stopped completely, turning your head towards the sound of your voice.

Just before the office doors, two small sinners stood side by side, holding a clipboard up to their faces as they eyed you with surprise.

Odette and Clara.

There was no mistaking them.

"That's. . . me?" You rose from your seat like a ghost, not really feeling anything but utter surprise.

It was the first time you've ever seen them. The same cream colored hair, the same eyes, they even stood en pointe like her.

Odette and Clara.

"Come with us," Clara beckoned, her curly hair and grey skin. . . did she look like that too? Now that she was a sinner?

Thank goodness the girls turned away from you quickly, giving you just enough time to wipe a stray tear from your eye. Estranged siblings that you've never even met. . . and you were so full of emotion at just the sight of them.

Did they know who you were?

You watched them wearily, the two exchanging quick glances at each other and occasionally, at you.

"She's right in here," Clara trailed off.

Odette glanced at you through her round glasses, a hint of worry lifting her eyebrows up "She wasn't expecting you today."

"Alright," you shrugged. I mean, it was a fact you already knew, but to hear the two of them say it to you was the final slap of reality you weren't sure you entirely needed.

The two of them opened the doors for you, watching intently as you shuffled into the room, and back at each other incredulously.

"Ay dios mio, I said I didn't have time for meetings. . ." you heard her mumble, face covered by a laptop screen, hunched over and lost in her work.

It was how you remembered her.

"Mamá," you called out, finally taking a seat in front of her desk, unsure of who or what you'd find on the other side of that screen.

With that one word, she froze still, a pair of demonic red eyes peering over the top of that silver screen.

"Mamá," you said again, a choked sound now that you realized it was her.

It was actually her.

A sinner, your mother, an overlord, who was finally before you.

It was like all the things you had planned on telling her had thrown themselves together and crumbled beneath the sight of her.

"Mi hijo."

"Mamá, I know you're mad at me," the tears came without warning, and you shuffled uncomfortably in your seat, unable to keep looking at her as the sobs wracked through your body, pleading for her forgiveness "I tried my best! I tried! I-"

"Mi hijo, I'm so sorry," your mother flew into your arms, the familiarity of her love so striking that you became undone in her arms.

She cried into your neck, a sound you've never heard before "Oh mi hijo, no heavens could ever keep me away from you, never, and I and never letting you go again,"

"I love you mi hijo."

[sstardustt3]

can you please do dating johnny cade hc?

Dating Johnny Cade hcs- the outsiders

tags/warnings- brief mention of smoking, when I catch you Mr and Mrs cade when I catch those bitches, implied codependency???? (if you squint), mostly fluff, a little angst, a mean girls reference if you squint, not double-checked for grammatical errors or misspelling

authors note- masterlist and request rules coming soon??? Perhaps??? Also I’m gonna make something abt dally next I have like a whole list of characters I’m gonna write for soon

-requests and reposts are always open and welcome-

-I think Johnny probably noticed you first because I think of him as a very observant and hyper aware of like everything (which I think is cannon if I’m not mistaken which I could be)

-I don’t think he really pays attention all that much in school so he just sits and looks at people so that’s probably how he noticed you

-he didn’t make a move of a longgg time because he was under the that you were way out of his league and you just wouldn’t like him

“Just go fucking talk to them Jesus Christ”

“It’s not that easy dal, they don’t like me I told you that already.”

“Listen if you don’t go talk to them, I will.”

“No,no,no!”

-and just like that, he decided forced to go talk to you

-he was stumbling like an idiot for the first half of the conversation but he eventually got it together and you two got along fine and he even managed to get your number!

-he would probably keep you at arms length for a while, he's not the most trusting person and ontop of that he doesn't really know how to love someone properly and he really did not want to hurt you

-his only good example was the curtis parents, and soda and sandy but I don't think he hung around either of them that much. He doesn't hang out with soda much anyways so being around him and his girlfriend just felt odd and the curtis' acted more like parents when he was around. and god forbid he asks dally.

-so it definitely takes him a while to get comfortable but when he does he's a good boyfriend

-i think he definitely looked at like a lifestyle magazine and read a section on what girls like repeatedly to make sure he was doing shit right

-he loves silence sometimes, like adores it. you two have sat for hours just looking at nothing together

-no doubt in my mind there has been times the gang has walked in on yall just staring at a blank wall

"..."

"..."

"are they okay-"

"they're future psych ward patients for sure."

-on the contrary though if you yap a lot, he's also perfectly okay with that and sometimes he'll join in (especially if it's gossip)

-that being said you are in fact invited to his and ponyboys gossip sessions and you were thoroughly surprised about how much he knows (that's why his hair's so long, it's full of secrets.)

-since it's my favorite headcannon of mine that he is really good at making stuff when valentines day comes around he'll give you roses or whatever your favorite flower is made out of either legos or colored paper

-he spends a lot of time at your house and also your parents probably love him

-oh my god you two on a roof together?? smoking in the winter??? maybe a cigarette kiss???

-sorry for getting sidetracked but speaking of kisses and just general pda, I think he's not all that big on pda and I don't think he likes to get touched in general but if you do, hold him gently and I guarantee he would be as red as a tomato with the most calm face ever

-I don't think he would really know what to think about that tbh

-like he's not clueless when it comes to romance (he has dallas as a friend bffr) and he's heard all about kissing and hand holding but no one told him how good it feels to be held like something small and delicate (he'll never tell you that though)

-now, on the other hand, he's not really as nervous or shocked by kissing and as much as he's inexperienced he has the enthusiasm to make up for it, he'll catch on pretty quickly

-that being said every time he's just like standing somewhere with you or like waiting in line for something he'll like give you a peck on the cheek, hold your hand , something like that

-rounding back to him not telling you about how he feels (I know I barely mentioned it but shhhhh) I think he's not good at communication

-again he's not the most trusting person in the world and also it says in the book or at least implied(again, I could be wrong and this is not verbatim) that he is passive and quiet so he can avoid being picked out from the crowd and to just overall avoid trouble and unwanted attention

-so I think that would carry over into his relationships to avoid an argument and you being disappointed in him

-so when he's like jealous or upset about something you did he keeps it inside and when it comes out it's just a lot

-i don't think he would full on yell but he would definitely get emotional kinda like he did in the church with ponyboy in that one scene with ponyboy (Istg i can not figure out what that scene is called someone please for the love of god tell me)

-he would almost immediately apologize because as I said before he can't stand you being mad at him

i'm going to stop here i do have more thoughts in what he would be like as a boyfriend so if this gets enough attention I would be delighted to do a part 2

overall score? -8.5/10

can be a little bit of an ass, a little insecure but loves you <3

-requests and reposts are always open and welcome!-

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 27 “Spicy Gas” [Episode List] Dave and Dana try to spice things up in their sexual life.

POV: Dave

Spicy Gas

Fuck, I’m freezing in this car.

It’s worth it though: I’m picking my girlfriend up from work and we’re going back to my place together. Tim (my bro and roommate) is out of town because of some needy client so, yeah, you know where this is going: a sexy, hot, movie night until we fall asleep on the couch.

When you’re past 30, this is considered a massive win.

It’s about 7:00 PM and I parked right where Dana asked me, in the mostly desert underground car park below the office building she works at. She works (usually overtime…) in a law firm and she’s as badass as she sounds; it’s a demanding job, though she’s up for it, as she told me many times without me asking and not in a nervous way at all. 

Yes, she sounds stressed, but I know her, she’s got it, I’m here if she needs to vent. Sometimes that’s all you need and if it’s not, well, we’re just gonna talk abou- why is this car so cold?!

I hope Dana’s on her way ‘cause if she’s not she’s gonna find his boyfriend dead of hypothermia. Before picking her up, I made a quick stop to a fast food nearby to get some french fries on the fly, because my body may be a temple, but it’s a crumbling one. But not even junk food raised my body temperature. 

This is how it ends, Dana, with your handsome boyfriend being murdered by this harsh, cold Winter in his own car, a coffin made of plastic and steel.

Truth is, I was bored and tired, so I was basically falling asleep, until I heard someone tapping on the car window right next to me. That made me jump, that always startle me for some reason… and she knows it very well, given the idiotic, beautiful smile on her face.

“Hey babe.” I said from inside the car, but she could barely hear me.

She walked around the vehicle and got inside, sitting on the passenger seat, next to me. We exchanged a quick peck on the lips and I then went for the keys to start the car.

“Wait, I need a moment.” Dana said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

She wasn’t mad nor sad, she just wanted to smoke a cigarette before leaving, all while she (as I said) vented about some co-worker acting like a bitch.

“‘Do not let Bennet know about it’ I told him and guess what he did?!”

“He… he told B-“

“He told her!” she had a puff of her cigarette. “Can you believe it? Now everyone knows we’re behind schedule because that idiot had to lick my boss’ ass.”

“Wow” I replied. I swear I’m listening, I’m just a bit on auto-pilot.

And freezing.

“And my boss… oh my boss, she got so mad, and rightfully so. We could handle the schedule, we do it all the time, but no! He had to rat us out like the kiss ass he is.”

“Is that him?” I said, casually glancing at some guy walking in the empty parking lot. “I can run him over if you want to.” I joked… and I hope she knows I’m joking.

“Yes, but don’t do anything, don’t move, don’t make any sound. He’s such a kiss ass that if he notices us he’ll come here to cha- I told you not to make a sound!” she said, almost laughing, as my enormous fart cut her off. 

Yes, one of my usual farts, powered by those fries I got earlier (not that I need any particular fuel to rip a good one).

You all know what I’m capable of, my bro Tim definitely does.

I hate how warm it felt compared to the sheer cold of the car. My girl is very familiar with all of my talents, including this one. 7 seconds and I was done.

“Are you done shitting yourself?” she politely asked.

I leaned towards her and we exchanged another quick peck, but me moving meant that the gas trapped under my ass now was free to pollute the entire car.

“I’m your pig, remember?” I whispered.

“I literally never called you that.”

“Really? Must have been one of my other girlfriends then.” I joked.

She playfully slapped my shoulder and I sat back in front of the steering wheel, ready to start the car.

“Wait.”

“Oh please can we go home? I’m freezing.” I lamented.

“Just a minute…” she looked at me amused, but thoughtful. “There’s something I’d like to talk you about.” she put out her cigarette and put it in the ashtray.

“You okay?”

“Sure.” she replied, calmly.

A few seconds of silence followed. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel, waiting for her to say something.

“I actually… do like when you’re a pig.” she smiled, but still being serious and calm about it.

I gave her and inquisitive, amused look.

“Don’t judge me.” she noticed my expression.

“I’m not judging you babe.” I said. “It’s our thing, we’re very open about what we like.”

“I know… you’re awesome.”

“Of course I am.” I confirmed, with a smug smirk, fully knowing how annoying I am.

“And I, too, am awesome, thank you very much.” she added, giving me a funny scolding glare.

We laughed it off.

“So what’s up, babe?” I genuinely asked. “You know my kinks...” I leaned closer to her. “What’s your dirty secret, Mrs. D?” I whispered, trying to act cool and sexy, but all I got was another playful slap on my shoulder.

“It’s not… what you did like a minute ago.” she said, gesturing towards me.

“Oh you mean this?” I pretended to push one more fart out, but this time I actually had nothing brewing (incredible, huh?). I was amused by her reaction though. “Just kidding.” I quickly said.

She actually laughed at that.

“You’re so nice and it’s not that I like you being disgusting but… dammit, I admit that… sometimes… when we do our thing… maybe I’d like you being a bit more… dirty.”

I let out a surprisingly nervous cackle.

“That’s it? You want to spice things up?” I asked, reaching for my phone. “Because I’m pretty sure Google can give us some tips.”

She calmly but firmly extended her arm towards me. She grabbed my phone and threw it in the backseat. She then put her left hand on my jeans-clad right leg.

“If you’re cold, Mr. D” it was Dana’s turn to whisper. “I know just the way to warm you up.” 

That got me instantly aroused.

My girlfriend’s hand moved closer to my crotch, touching the tent I pitched between my legs.

“Oh… are you nervous?” she asked, gently caressing my boner, still in-character, whatever the character was.

I nodded.

Why did I nod? Am I an idiot?

With a deft movement, she untied my belt and her hand slipped right into my jeans and underwear, going straight for my hard cock.

As that happened, I let out a very short high-pitched scream, not because I wasn’t used to this, but because Dana’s hand was way colder than I was expecting. She broke character to laugh a bit at my very manly scream, then quickly went back into this femme fatale persona she was impersonating.

I was sweating.

But then I realized...

“Wait… r-right here?” I stuttered.

“Are you scared, Mr. D?” she asked. “Are you… too much of a nice guy for this?”

The fuck I am. 

I grabbed her head and kissed her, her tongue going down my throat as she wrapped her cold fingers around my warm, throbbing cock. 

I don’t know what was going down there… I mean I do know obviously, but the way Dana was moving her hand and fingers this time almost made me cum on the spot. She did in fact spice things up, so I guess I could do was return the favour... in my own personal way.

I sat back normally and spread my legs wide, my cock still being massaged, and ripped a loud, vibrating fart, a loud blast that made the entire vehicle shake. A quick 5 seconds rip which, weirdly enough, made Dana moan as she listened to it.

“You’re such a pig.” she scolded me, now literally strangling my cock, so much so that that I actually felt a bit of pain.

And I was loving the fuck out of that.

I saw a car passing by but the thought of them noticing us only made me harder.

I then ripped another big fart, because I’m the master of this shit. I could feel the vibrations of this one even on Dana’s hand as she jerked me off, something that she seemed to enjoy.

All of this was disgusting and yet we found it hot as fuck.

My girlfriend was as thirsty I was and finally managed to pull my cock out of my jeans.

“Oh there it is.” she said, leaning down to give it a quick lick. "Let me have it."

Not the first time we do this stuff obviously, but dammit that one move was indeed a dirty one. Pre-cum dripped down from the tip of my penis as I ripped another monstrous fart, the warm gas fogging up the car's windows. I was hot-boxing that whole place and my girlfriend didn’t care; instead she once again slipped her tongue down my throat.

“Time to sleep, pig.” she then whispered right into my hear, right before biting it.

After that, she strongly tightened her grip on my cock and then twisted it. I clenched my teeth as that happened, but the arousal that it gave me was insane.

That final move made me cum, a white fountain appearing between my legs as Dana bit my ear again. 

That was quick… for my standards at least, but she didn’t seem to mind at all. Actually, she was a sweaty mess herself. She licked her lips and gave me a quick peck on my own.

“Try finding that on Google.” she said, as she sat back on her passenger seat.

As if the spirit of some femme fatale left her body, she turned to me and smiled, opening the car window by her side, now realizing how terrible my gas was.

“Yeah, fuck Google, ammirite?” literally the most unsexy thing I could have said.

She handed me some napkins to clean the mess. And a cigarette, which we shared.

“Still cold?” Dana asked me, once again giving me a certain look.

I started the car in response, then I turned to her, looking straight into her brown eyes. 

I let out a loud, muffled fart that shook the seat, narrowing my eyes as I pushed it out. It was warm, it was vibrating through my jeans-clad ass. I winked at my girlfriend as the thunder kept going, something that she, against all odds, seemed to appreciate.

12 seconds, then my ass went silent.

“Are you?” I asked back to her, with a smirk.

The End

[atmilliways]

Wrong On The Money (25)

part 25 of ?? | 653 words | Teen+

Blackmail fic on Ao3 | on tumblr

Summary:

“You had a really bad fever, you’ve been sleeping it off for a day and a half,” Lucas adds unprompted. Probably because Steve hasn’t asked. “The bites got infected. Fair warning, Robin is really mad at you for letting that happen.”

25.

The first person Steve sees upon waking is Lucas, bruised all to hell. 

“It’s okay,” Lucas says quickly, standing and moving closer. “Steve, it’s okay! Vecna’s dead. You’re in the hospital, everyone’s here, everyone’s fine.”

Steve looks to his left and sees Eddie, asleep in the next bed over. “Ed,” he mumbles with a sluggish tongue. 

Brown curls, denim, cigarette and weed smoke, Bambi eyes, tattoos, exaggerated movements, and big words. Red on Steve’s hands, the taste of blood. He isn’t supposed to be so still.

Lucas falters, then rallies. “He’s gonna be okay. You got him out, Dustin told me all about it.”

Reassured by those words (and the steady beep of machines from that side of the room), Steve looks back at Lucas. “Max?”

Piercing glares, skateboard wheels on concrete, and the threat of a lawyer that he knows is a bluff but caves to anyway. Hanging in the air above the cemetery, crying after she falls. If that monster crumpled her like tissue paper, it’ll break Steve too.

Wincing, Lucas tells him. About Max’s broken arm, and the fight with Jason, and Andy tackling Erica in the park across from the Creel house. About Dustin’s sprained ankle. About Mike coming back with the Byers boys and some guy named after a sweater pattern in a pizza van, and Joyce turning up with an emaciated Hopper and that sarcastic conspiracy dude a day later. 

He promises not to tell anyone that Steve cries at hearing Hopper is alive after all. 

“You had a really bad fever, you’ve been sleeping it off for a day and a half,” Lucas adds unprompted. Probably because Steve hasn’t asked. “The bites got infected. Fair warning, Robin is really mad at you for letting that happen.”

Day and a half my ass, Steve thinks, because despite all that sleep he feels exhausted. But everyone’s okay. . . . They even got someone back, and that’s a fucking first. 

“And I didn’t even have to get a concussion this time,” Steve says with a smile that falters just as much as Lucas’. He feels shaky, fragile, and hates it, because he doesn’t want to break in front of one of the kids. 

Lucas offers a strained grin. “Guess I inherited that along with your basketball skills.”

“No, seriously? You’re stealing that from me too, Sinclair? It’s like nothing is sacred anymore.” 

And he’s trying so hard, but he’s so tired. He’s trying to sound light but his voice breaks in the wrong direction when the inflection is supposed to come out light and a little sarcastic. 

“You okay?” Steve whispers around the lump in his throat. The answer is obvious, he has eyes, but he wants to give the kid the option of how seen he wants to feel. These kids never seem to get any choices in all this shit, beyond survive or don’t. 

Lucas spends a moment looking everywhere but at him, but then—“No.”

So Steve motions him over, does his best to give Lucas the kind of hug he always needed after everything was over, but never got until the third time around gave him Robin. Because he gets Lucas’ desire to fit in, to appease the popular crowd in the hopes of being allowed to just be—except it’s never enough, you either wake up and get out or stay in and lose sight of who you wanted to be in the first place, and at least Lucas handled that part better than Steve had. He gets the way Lucas worked so hard to protect Max and his sister, protect all the people in his life who matter, and mostly succeeded but came close enough to failure to fuel the nightmares. 

And he’s so, so proud of the kid for not trying to fake being fine now that it’s over, as though what happened didn’t still matter and what he’d done, what he’d sacrificed was nothing.

[astarfornicks]

The first and only chapter of a fic i never finished -

This was a long time ago and I haven’t written in ages |

When I stepped outside that night, the air carried a hint of rebellion and a taste of freedom that lingered on my tongue. I was begging for a night away—away from my brothers and their square rules. I dig running away. I really do. The nights I'm sleepless or the nights I'm sleepy; it doesn’t matter. It feels the same nonetheless.

“Hey, Dallas.” I said, “Toss me a weed, will you?”

Dallas always hung around the park those days. Probably because I was there about every night.

He sat under the same tree every time, too. It was a routine.

“Ver, man, go home. It’s about the hundredth damn time you’ve been out here. You got people waiting for you on the other side.” Dallas huffed.

“I never heard anybody but me say they liked it on the East side. Not even y’all. It’s like my break, Dal. It’s rough. Everywhere. Not as good as you’d think in the West.” I uttered. “I think it’s time you start believing me when I say I like it here.”

After an eternity, Dallas caved and passed me a smoke. These nights were only two things: disgusting and freeing. Say to tell the two things apart now, and I wouldn’t know what to tell you.

I continued, “It’s almost six. Have you been here this entire time?”

“Got a few minutes of sleep on that very bench you’re on. Damn raccoons can’t keep their hands off me, man.”

I took a puff, chuckling a bit. Dallas was the man. People knew him all over town, and he sure was what he lived up to. Rowdy, criminal, and last of all, charming.

“Now, you better get back, Ronnie. West side is gonna freak when they find out you’re not there, man. Even worse, if you’re here.” Dallas said, “You got school, too.”

“And how come you don’t?” I spat back.

“Hey, you know.”

“Right, you don’t wanna go, is that it? And I'm stuck there.” I said, lifting, then dropping my arm in defeat.

Dallas chuckled, “You don’t wanna be like me, trust me. Now get!”

I laughed, smiling afterwards and turning my back. “Alright, alright, Dallas. I’m going.” Flinging the cigarette behind me, I asked him one more thing.

“Tomorrow, here, late?”

“You’re really something, Ver. See you.”

That meant yes.

I walked back to the West side in the early sun, hoping that the mere shadows of the trees would hide me from the eyes of anyone passing or watching me from some window.

I thought back to Dallas Winston. Before I got to know him, he was just some no-good hoodlum, a real greaser in my eyes. He was no better than any other criminal I’d seen. But as I spent more time with him, I realized there was more to Dallas than met the eye. He had that wild and rebellious spirit, always up to some mischief or another. His past ran deep in him. In some way that I didn’t want to admit, I also admired him in some sort of sense. Sharp and cool; who wouldn’t?

Still half lost in thought, I snuck into my bedroom window through a tree. As I could finally sit on my plush bed, I thought about my future long and hard. I was a girl with all the breaks. Money in the bank, top grades in school, what more could a gal like me ask for? It seemed like my destiny was carved in stone, clear as day for all to see.

I still had my cigarette in my hand and was itching for a smoke. Stepping away, sticking my head out my bedroom window, I took a slow, thoughtful drag from my cigarette. It was a tough life in this town. I had friends, some enemies, some people I loved more than anything.

No one more than Tommy, though. Tommy was my kid brother, only one year younger than me but a whole lot smarter. Both socially and academically, I’d say. He was there for me always, through thick and thin. He was fun, serious mostly, but fun. Tommy kind of grounded me like that—telling me what to do and how to do it, where to go and who to be with. It's just what he’d do, worrying about me and all that stuff. Things that I didn’t usually do on my own.

I had one older brother, but he was busy at college and I only got to see him during breaks. He was the rowdy kind, almost like me—nothing like Tommy—but I never got along with him as well. Opposites attract, people say. I didn’t care about that sort of stuff until Tommy started yapping on about it. Then I believed it, cause that was one of the only times I’d listened.

I closed my eyes and imagined a life; a life that was perfect and the one that was expected of me. It was nice, no doubt about it. I would’ve never got out of my thoughts if I didn’t hear someone holler my name from the street.

“Ver! Veronica!” I heard, with a waving Sherri looking straight at me. I hid my weed, wishing more than anything she hadn’t seen it. I was ashamed of my habit, just ‘cause I was raised not to do stuff like that.

“Hi, Cherry.” I said back, cracking a smile. Cherry was one of my good girl-friends, one I could really talk to sometimes when I needed an ear. She got the types of things I said for the most part—the things about life being tough and the real things out there in the world.

She squinted at me and smiled for a second before walking away. It was finally about time I started to walk to my bathroom to get ready. I curled my hair, did my makeup, and I was off to school—one place I dreaded like a prisoner facing his cell.

………………………..

I sat bothered and bored for most of the school day. Sure, I got good grades, but I didn’t do anything other than what they asked of me. Besides, if my grades slipped, I’d probably die from my parents before anything ever got to me. And I really wasn’t itching to experience any of that. Not one bit.

I stepped out of school with my other girl-friends, which included Cherry and a few other girls. Cherry and I ran tight, even in a crowd. I had my arm around her and she was leaning her head on my shoulder as we walked. She must’ve been real worn.

“Cherry, how would you like to catch a movie with me later?” I asked her.

“Oh, Ver, I’m not sure. I’ve got a whole lot of homework and you know how my parents are. They’re always complainin’ and I can’t stand it anymore.” She went on and on about her parents, as she always did. They were nothing but difficult people, the sort that grated on your nerves and had no business raising children.

“I’ll do it for you, Cherry. It’s time for you to get out. You could use some time out of there. Nothing big.”

“No, no, Ver. I ought to do it myself—really. I’ll ask my parents, too. It’s a Friday anyways.”

I nodded as I hugged her and watched her walk to her car. She was real pretty, a head-turner, a chick that had all the boys trailing behind her. And I would’ve said I was happy for her if I didn’t know she was dating Bob: some stuck up, deranged boy who jumped innocent kids and didn’t even care. I remember how disappointed I was the day she told me about him. I knew his type, his gang, and the kids he beat on.

I strolled towards the back of the school, where I always parked my car. It was a real nice red Thunderbird. My parents got it for me for my 16th birthday, and I’d treasured it ever since.

The moment I was about to drive off, I caught a few footsteps running behind me.

“Hey, baby. Nice car you got there,” the voice called out, dripping with a mischievous charm that I recognized all too well. When you’re all on your lonesome and have nothing to do, you can talk to Dallas—sometimes. Problems start when anything’s different. I glanced over my shoulder, catching a glimpse of him leaning casually against my car, a devilish grin playing on his lips.

“Bye, Dallas.” I replied, rolling my eyes.

“No good Soc.” I heard him mutter. Every time I thought he got past the fact, I was proven wrong.

I drove off, more upset and irritated by the situation than I wanted to be. Dallas Winston was a wild spirit, untamed and unapologetic. The world was his playground, and he played by his own rules. There was something about his reckless abandon, a charm that even I couldn't deny, that pulled me in.

I remembered the first time I met him. Coincidentally, it was also the first time I’d snuck out— and what I thought would’ve been my last. That time, I didn’t travel anywhere off of my turf. It was really Dallas who was out of his territory, trying to vandalize some guy’s car. I sat on our park’s bench; the one on the West side, I mean. Dallas was no one I cared about. He was a nobody to me, a hoodlum, and I would’ve had no idea I’d ever run into him. Hell, I really didn’t even know what he looked like.

Not until I’d been startled by some loud ruckus nearby. It should’ve been my cue to leave, but I don’t listen— not to anyone, not to myself, either. He’d been beaten. I could recall it vividly—the bruises on his face, the casual ease with which he settled down beside me. He asked for a smoke; in return, I had asked him what happened. I sure wished I was spared the details. Boy, were they gruesome.

When he got up, I posed him one last question: his name.

“Dallas. Dallas Winston.”

I sat there, dumbfounded and stunned, like I had just seen a ghost. I felt a surprising mix of curiosity and caution about him from that point on. Some things about Dallas I knew— I didn’t know a lot, but he always striked me as someone that no one really knew anything about. He had a rough past, grew up in New York, first had gotten arrested at ten; I heard that from talking to him. I also knew Dallas Winston always got what he wanted— everyone knew that.

[mysticbeaver]

2, 6, 7, 8, 14, 15, 18, 19 for Eddy (I know I'm too late, but I would like to know, please).

Thanks for the ask!!! No worries about it being late:) Good to chat (even if I talk a load of bologna 😁)

Under the cut

2.Favorite canon thing about this character?

Because I can't think of anything better right now, I'll say his seemingly vintage taste in music. Although maybe it ties in with everything he owns being vintage hand-me-downs. And on second thought, it's hard to say if Barry White and Tom Jones are supposed to be old-school in-universe, considering the kids' idea of party music is 60s surf rock haha.

6.What's something you have in common with this character?

You know, I always think I'm mostly an Ed and an Edd, but then I think "maybe we all have the three Eds deep down inside of us 😁" guess I sometimes like to imagine situations in which I could be a show off/be funny in front of an audience... A very Eddy desire.

7.What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

I always love older fanart of him just having that slightly disheveled look and maybe smoking a cigarette, looking cool 😁 makes me imagine him with that slightly chiller demeanor (assuming he grows out some of his temper and controls his euphoria whenever he's got some big idea hehe)

8.What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

Boring answer, but like everyone else I have not much interest in negative adult Eddy portrayals where the creator blatantly doesn't take the BPS developments into account. Give this kid a chance for chrissakes! Thankfully this is limited to some more, ahem, 'casual' fans 👀

14. Fashion aesthetic for this character.

In my lack of fashion sense, I'm just gonna mention a picture in my mind...leather jacket? (Maybe because of @torra-and-the-toons 's design?) Coupled with worn baggy jeans...

And is it weird I can see Eddy looking good in that sweater/collar-shirt combo if he were to dress more elegant? I swear I've seen it somewhere in fanart. Or him just wearing a hoodie... Is there look Eddy can't pull off??? Talk about a stubby no-neck chump 😎

15. Favorite ship?

It's... EddEddy, isn't it. Interestingly, it was never my OTP, and I wasn't interested in it when I first got in the fandom, but I slowly made myself learn to appreciate it. Nowadays it's certainly a ship I "default" to with those two characters. On the other hand I once went through a KevEddy phase... I still have a soft spot for it (no doubt thanks to lovely fanart by @mar-saturn and @chocowhomps ). It's also very interesting to me that there's at least 3 people I know of currently in the fandom (or who were actively in the fandom in the last year or so) who managed to ship both EddEddy and KevEddy, mmm 🧐...

18. Relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

First thing that comes to mind is his brief mentoring of Jimmy, even if it's a negative influence. "They grow up so fast... *dries tear*" And his one-on-one friendship with Ed is interesting to think about, especially how it might have started considering Edd supposedly came a little later in the picture (not by much though as they were still very young)

Also his crush on Nazz is kinda cute... I headcanon they'll be easy friends once they're a little older :)

19. Relationship they have in canon with another character that you don't like?

Honestly I'm stumped! Can't think of anyone right now haha. Maybe his disrespect of Rolf's culture/hospitality, if that's a thing? But I can't say if that's necessarily despicable or just part of the character's writing in certain episodes, or what.

Thanks for the ask again!

[writingnarrative]

Starting Over (2)

Captain Price x Soap MacTavish

Previous

That night, in the hotel, Soap dreams of his past life. It’s thankfully pleasant, mostly going through his time with the teammates from his past. When Ghost and Roach were both alive, together in harmony much before their death. Short moments before separation with Johnny and Captain Price, and even after the gulag. He only woke up when his name started to strangely be repeated by Price- it turned out to be Ghost trying to wake him up.

“C’mon, mate, we’ve got an early flight.” Ghost backs away from him and returns to packing his bag, which doesn’t take long. When he’s done, he watches Soap not pack- but pick up his journal and start jutting things down. “Another memory?” It’s not the first time he’s seen this happen, of course.

After a minute, Soap pockets the journal into his duffel bag. “More or less. I’ve… I’ve never seen these before.” He wishes he could have remained longer, but as of now, those memories serve as false leads and roads into his new life. “How am I even gonna begin telling the team about this? Only people I’ve ever told were my maw, pa, the priest and you…”

Ghost shrugs. “Dunno. Can’t even begin to understand what you’re going through, Johnny. I don’t remember my past life.” He sounds truthful, and Soap feels just a little bit bad in this case. “Be honest, don’t leave anything out. Details could be crucial without you knowing, y’know?”

Yeah, like how I used to be romantically involved with my captain. “Of course.” He wouldn’t tell them about that, there isn’t much of a point.

...

With a new player in the field, there isn’t much time to relax. A short leave was on the table for the team: two weeks, then they’d be right back in the fire. Everyone left to go to their homes or the flats given to them by the SAS. Price remained at the base, as did Soap- for an easier conversation.

“Remind me again why you aren’t on leave like the others?” Price asks him once everyone’s gone. His arms are crossed and he’s got a very curious look on his face. “Even Ghost left- and that’s surprising after everything.”

Soap follows his captain down the corridor, fiddling with his hands behind his back. “Wanted to talk to you about something, sir. I haven’t… haven’t been entirely honest with you, or anyone here for that matter.” They stop. Price takes place leaning on a wall, Soap copies his stance and leans on the opposite. “My file says I don’t remember my past life. It’s false. I remember every bit of it up until my death.”

Price’s eyes widen slightly and the grip he holds on his forearms releases. “Your past life?” Soap nods in affirmation, looking down at the ground. “I see why you’d lie. It’s illegal to mix the two. Why don’t we head to my office and talk about this? Ignore ears that could be lingering, hm?”

It’s just recruits and privates that are lounging around the base, but it’s understandable. Soap nods and follows Price again. It’s not long until they reach the captain’s office- the door’s lock turns. Soap takes one of the seats while Price takes his main, also fishing out a cigar- two. “Care for one?”

Johnny doesn’t smoke, or he hadn’t before joining up with the 141. He found comfort in cigarettes and later on, cigars. When Price was locked within the gulag, he found himself buying the captain’s favorite cigars and smoking them. Little time to enjoy them, it was a simple copy of action.

“Why not.” Soap takes the cigar and pulls a lighter out of his pocket, he starts to carry after people around him begin asking for lights- mostly Ghost. He places it between his lips and lights it, feeling it around in his mouth before exhaling the smoke. A troubled look passes his eyes- because he recognizes the taste. “Montecristo.”

Price looks surprised- because Soap doesn’t smoke here, he just provides the light and looks as if he enjoys the smell of the smoke. “You know your cigars?” Soap shakes his head, reeling his expression to fall back into a neutral state. “Your past self, then?” A nod. “These started to get released in 1935, so your past self is recent… and that’s why you were hesitant to say anything.”

The story starts then. Soap starts from the beginning, spilling his past self’s story- only leaving out romantic details. He talks about growing up in Scotland, joining up the military to follow in his cousin’s footsteps and falling into the SAS later on in his life. Soap’s face grows hard when he begins to talk about Task Force 141, with Roach, Ghost, Price and Gaz- the other versions of them. How Gaz had died in front of him, shot by a Russian prick named Zakhaev. The betrayal with Shepherd is more of the same, but ending with Roach and Ghost shot and burned by that same man. Makarov is a key player, much like now- and he’s a reason for Soap’s demise in 2011. 

Price sits silently throughout, listening intently. He doesn’t make any moves to write anything down- like he should, or call Laswell. Soap stops at his death, for obvious reasons. “I didnae say anythin’ about Shepherd at first because that’s insubordination and betrayal. What if I had been wrong? What if Shepherd hadn’t betrayed us?” Soap puts the cigar back in his mouth, letting it sit there for a moment before sighing and releasing smoke. “Ye can thank Ghost for me comin’ to ya about it. I wasn’t planning on it… even with Makarov in play. Because I sound off my heid- sayin’ my life ended in 2011.”

There is an uncomfortable silence for a minute or two. Soap can see the gears in Price’s head turning, probably trying to figure out what to do in this scenario. It’s not like officers are taught what to do with soldiers that have an issue like this. Especially when it ties to future events, or present events. What he does, eventually, say surprises Soap and causes him to choke on the smoke he exhales. “I was worried you didn’t remember, MacTavish.”

[bacotri]

Rooftop Girl

I woke up on the bed again. It's the same room, same building, same atmosphere, all over. Cursing myself, I wanted to go back to sleep, but my clothes are uncomfortable enough that I decided I'd go to bath.

Often at times like this I'd scramble myself out and go straight to the rooftop. Uncomfortable clothes means sunlight, and sunlight means I can go up top. There'd always be a girl, smoking up there, and I like talking to her.

As per usual my dreams was realistic and boring. It's always either middle school, or high school. Some of them even blend the two. They always have my friends on them, faces all blurry but recognizable. I hate it, I want to dream something fantastical.

I want to wake up as a detective on some foreign land. Half-dead after a bender and reeks of alcohol. But duty calls and I have to solve some murder.

Or maybe take me to some ancient and evil land. Where I have to survive and battle giant lizards and flaming dragons. In the end I'd marry a princess or save a kingdom.

Anything, anything but the mundane.

"Hey, you again," said the girl on the rooftop.

Her name is Helen, but she doesn't like to be called that. We settled on "rooftop girl" since it's obscuring enough while describing her so much. Helen loves dragging cigarettes and leaving the butts for the cleaning crew to painstakingly pick up.

"I knew you'd be up here," she continued.

"Whatever, I'm here to tan." I sat down near the fences. "They still haven't banned you from those, huh?"

"They can't, and these aren't your usual smokes, too." She drags a smoke and throw one of the butts down to the field below.

"That's gonna hit someone, someday," I said nonchalantly.

"Nobody's been down there since ages, Ko." She lights up another cigarette.

We didn't talk after that. The bags under her eyes feel comforting to me. Her ruffled hair and overall tired look makes me want to protect her at all costs.

"How was... your sleep last night?" I asked, surprised at myself for asking that.

"Huh? It's fine I guess. I didn't sleep much." she said.

"So am I."

"Bullshit, or you'd be here since seven. You just got here because it's hot inside, right?"

"Yeah, you got me. But I dreamt of that thing again last night, might as well be awake."

"But you did shut your eyes and dreamed. That's sleep alright. Me, a creature of the night, I don't sleep at all."

"You're saying that if you were to sleep now, you'd have an awesome dream, don't you?"

"What the hell?" She laughed. "No, I don't dream. Mostly just blank screen and then an alarm blazing afterwards. That's why I hated sleep, maybe that's why this insomnia is haunting me as well."

That's scary to think about, right? Imagine being locked in a position where all you have is yourself and an imagination. You'd have nothing to do but dream.

But to have no dream at all, means not even a shadow on the wall from the fire is present. It's emptiness and tomorrow afterwards.

Sun is setting, and we have to come down again. Our rooms awaits us, and the night is a finicky master. She'd serve us sleep however she liked it. Sometimes not at all.

I stared at the ceiling of my room, waiting for sleep to come. The rooftop girl, Helen, probably didn't sleep like she said. Reminds me of an old friend I had whose obsessed with coffee.

He's a lightweight when it comes to caffeine, though. Just a sip and he won't be able to sleep. It's from him that I got an inkling that dreams need rest too. That after a few nights of non-sleep, those where you lay your head and suddenly woke up the next day, the dreams are so far removed from reality.

The next morning, I had a talk with Law, a doctor, my friend. He berated me for not sleeping.

"Think of your own health, Ko," Law said while rubbing his glasses.

"I'd go insane if I keep going like this, Law."

"You'd go insane regardless. But please, at least for the sake of me, would you just... endure this."

"I know, but you can't coop me in here like some lab rat."

"I can't do anything about it Ko, they told me that it'd get sorted out soon, but you know how they are."

"Can we settle, at least let me trace the perimeter of the building."

"No, too dangerous. You and that Helen girl are the only two hopes we have."

"I want to feel the grass again, Law."

"Soon, Ko."

I hate mornings like this. Helen hates it too. That bond is unbreakable, if you don't know it yet.

The beginning of all circle of friends are not just mutual "like" of something. Sure, that might be the case for some groups, but more often than not there's something we all hate. Hatred is a connective tissue, it promotes gossip.

It makes stories.

"What if I go, Ko?" Said Helen that day.

"Go as in..."

"Go away. Fly out of this building and just disappear."

"I think it'd be the best, right?"

She didn't even look at me as she said that. Her eyes fixated on the sky. Granted, the sky looks very pretty today.

"But you can't." I sit myself closer to her this time.

"It's a what-if, that means anything can happen," she said.

"Well, in that case you'd go, and we wouldn't see each other again," I replied.

"That makes it sound sad, Ko. I've replayed the answer over and over again in my head, and it never sounded as sad as your words. Even though they're the same words."

"I mean it would be sad considering you're leaving me behind."

"You don't even consider going with me."

"Why would I?"

Helen then made a frame out of her fingers, and point it at me. Her cigarette blew smoke out.

"Ko, I got you in a frame now. Now you exist between these fingers." She then moved the frame away from me, towards the coming sunset. "Now you're not. But are you still there?"

"I am, I guess. You just took me out of the frame."

"Then in this case, are you going with me, or not?"

"I don't know... in spirit?"

"Yeah. In spirit. A shadow of you."

The ambers from Helen's dying cigarette flies away. Sunset is coming, and she held my hand as we move back in.

"I've resigned from ever wanting to get out of here, Ko." Helen and I walk down the staircase. "From the first day of quarantine, they told us that we're special, and that this is going to be just like home."

"The first day, huh? That's like, what, a year ago?" I asked rhetorically.

"We've lost a lot of people. They couldn't withstand the daily tests. Only the two of us left."

"It's funny that out there there's a real disease, actually killing people, all death-tally and world-shaping, and we're here dying of boredom."

"Funny is a funny word to frame it."

We reached the doors to our dorms. It was a dorm before, but now it's more of a large single room. We were separated by sex, so Helen and I never had time to sleep together.

That doesn't mean her and I haven't had time to lay together. Lay, because I never could sleep beside her. I've always wanted to feel how it feels to wake up next to her. I would spend all of the night examining her features, the way the shadow lands on her beautiful mixture of blond hair and firm lines, or just how on each breath that she takes my soul flies.

The next morning I wake up in a boat, floating over a dark shadowy ocean. I rubbed my eyes, pinched my cheek, do everything I needed to confirm reality. It's no use, this is real.

Law is there with me. Sitting on a wooden stool, overlooking the paddles.

"Law... where are we?" I asked.

"Law, must be the name of this vessel." The voice from the figure is not Law's. It's rough, like someone who has been at sea for years on end. "I'm sorry boy, the man you call Law is not here anymore."

"Then who are you?"

"The caretaker."

"Don't joke with me now."

"Your culture named me The Caretaker. Although my duty is not to care, just to take... that was an example of a joke, if you could call it that."

He turned his head slowly to look at me. His eyes a deep blue ocean. Although what he wore and the shape of his body all resembles Law. There is no trace of Law in him.

"I'm sorry, boy named Koda. This is it, your journey ends here. Once you get off, you end," said the figure.

In hindsight I must've looked pathetic in front of him. Babbling and crying about the missed opportunities I had. The Caretaker nodded and listened to every tearful complaints I have. But to him, there is nothing else to do. Crying is a natural reaction to things like these.

"Every time you come here, you always do this. No matter the face, no matter the life, there's always a reason to return." The Caretaker paddles slowly. "I guess it's a benefit of life, to see things in a positive light almost all of the time. To think that time itself is a linear path, and that there is a future to achieve."

I sat there silently after running out of tears.

"You will return again, another name, another chance. You will meet her again, in another sense. Such a shame that no amount of repeat will ever make you remember." Our little boat reaches a shore.

The Caretaker told me to get off of his boat, and that he'll be back waiting for me again. I don't know what it means, but I only have one thing on my mind. Whatever shadow lies behind the light I'm going to, I will see her again.

[knoutopia]

Accepting Myself: Part of Community

It's indeed hard to become one.

Having a different beliefs of course is a thing. Having a different ethnic sometimes makes us couldn’t make it. Having the same gender will never match us up. Living in such a strict environment will lock it there, leaving us forever separated.

I'm surely don't know if I had explain this enough, because my thoughts about these has running through inside my brain for long, just that I haven't spoken out of it loud. I've started my journey years ago. Starting from generalizing people out of my disability to accept differences, act as if I hate those I secretly love, trying to familiarize myself on that, and slowly figuring out how to tolerate people; all that comes together by refusing my own self, trying so hard to show that I am not part of them.

The truth is, with all those readings about the unfamiliar community and everything I went through to finally let myself agree that they had rights just like other human being, didn't make me understand myself just yet. Because I saw mostly of us doing the same: accepting everyone else before our own, even till the point where you despise yourself, cursing-believing to the image in the mirror that one day that person surely get straight into the hell.

Long way to go, but I’m turning my first age of 20s to accept myself fully as a part of LGBTQ+ Community.

I've been going through much along my experiment to find who I really am. There was the time when I let myself do something that I thought was so taboo and "strictly forbidden": smoking cigarettes. It may sounds so lame yet had nothing to do with creating explosion that could change me so greatly, but my journey starts from there. Because that was the time I could finally cut ties with something people around me calls 'norm', the idea that people forced to be mine also. As I put myself together and try every single thing that was being part of things I believe should've always become my opposite, I found hints I've been searching on.

Playing with fire, seducing men. That's where I found myself free from the cages my trauma form inside me which always told me, I, a mere girl, are just their doll. My experience taught me who I am. A human with her own minds that has control of every single thing belongs to her and her body. Realizing what should've been taught before I had the very first interaction with strangers: no one could touch you without your permission at all. And also a prove to my beliefs, that men aren't superior even slightly comparing to women.

I got tired playing, realizing that myself is all to me. I throw one single experiment to become my last in this journey: getting myself into a relationship with a man. Not gonna lie, though. It was beautiful, my heart felt so familiar with him and I easily feel comfortable around. Until then we broke up and I realize: I was just trying to find my dad in him. The person I hate the most for some times, and I just want this boy to fill up the empty space. For me, my-dad-like type of person is the one I should never tolerate because he was the one who taught me to hate a relation, or to be precise, marriage by all of his acts. It was nice, just that I realized then: it wasn't my thing.

I won't close my door for any chance that could be happen to me in the future. But, if I could control my life just like how God let me living my life then I won't hesitate to skip the "normal" templates.

Being odd with 'him' who is also weird. Choosing to become the grey in the world that is full of black and white. The love I feel comes with nothing but obstacles. However, no matter what, it is still beautiful.

And us, still valid and still human after all.

[A writing that I wrote last year when I was turning 21. This is full English version.]

[kirieshhhka003]

Number 19 yandere prompt for Jotaro part 3 please ❤️

A/n: I decided to change the prompt a little bit, bc I just couldn’t make my mind up what I should write for

Pairing: yan! Jotaro Kujo x fem! Reader

Prompt: You can’t find your clothes? That’s a shame. But you can wear mine. They look better on you anyways

Warnings: soft yandere, yandere behavior, kinda modern au?

1k followers event

Event status: closed

You are literally thrumming with excitement. And god, how can you not? It’s the first time you’re gonna have a sleepover with your boyfriend Jotaro!

Oh, you have planned to do so much fun stuff! First of all, you’re gonna have a skincare routine together. Even though Kujo grumbles about how stupid and useless it’s all, he loves when you fuss over him, putting on different masks and creams on his face. Then you’re gonna watch that one movie you had on your mind for so long. And then, before going to bed, maybe Jotaro will give you a goodnight kiss? Oh, the thought makes your heart flatter

When the last lessons finally ended you literally ran out of classroom, heading down to the first floor and quickly changing your school shoes on the street sneakers, barging out of the building. You notice Jotaro standing next to the gates, smoking as usual, and you walk briskly towards him, greeting brunette with a wide smile. You notice how the corners of teen’s lips go up slightly (something only you and sometimes Kakyoin are honored to see) and he grabs your heavy backpack, turning around and heading to his house

The whole way to Jotaro’s home you spent chit-chatting (well, mostly you talking about your day and brunette humming and leaving short comments here and there) so you didn’t notice how you two reached your destination. You were greeted by mrs Holly - unbelievably marvelous woman with such a caring and kind heart. She gave you a big tight hug, saying how glad she is that her son is dating with such a precious girl like you are. Jotaro scoffed quietly at Holly’s words, tugging on the brim of his hat and heading to his room, you jogging right behind him

And now you’re rummaging in your backpack, trying to find your changing clothes. Well, your shorts and thin tank-top are in place, but your hoodie seems to be nowhere. You’ve searched through all of your stuff a few time but still - no hoodie to be seen. It’s autumn and it’s pretty chill in Jotaro’s house, and knowing your poor health you’re definitely gonna end up with a common cold in the morning

- Jotaro, have you seen my hoodie? The pink one? I definitely put it in my backpack, I remember that, but it’s gone! Maybe I left it somewhere around the house? - you ask turning around, noticing that he’s been watching you from behind all this time. It’s not like you picked up those exact shorts on purpose because they cling to your butt so tightly, making your bottom look even more appetizing, definitely not

Jotaro is sitting saucily on the large windowsill, smoking another cigarette (he’s been smoking too much lately, you gotta chide him for that later) , turquoise eyes are glued to your tiny body, looking at your bare shoulders and upper part of chest that your skimpy tank top exposes. Teen slightly shrugs his shoulders, flicking the ash from his cig on the ashtray standing next to him on the windowsill

- Gosh, why are you fretting about it so much? Just take one of mine, it’s gonna look on you better anyways, - Jotaro mutters in his usual manner, taking a long deep puff, holding grey smoke in his lungs for a few seconds, then exhaling it into the open window. Bright blush streaks across your cheeks at those words, but he definitely has a point, you like how his clothes look on you too

You make your way to the big wardrobe standing in the corner of Jotaro’s room, opening one door and your eyes wander through numerous shelves with all of teen’s neatly folded clothes (most likely by Holly, your boyfriend has never been the tidiest person). You spot one familiar black garment, carefully taking it out of the pile and unfolding it. You see a picture of Mickey Mouse on the chest area and smile faintly to yourself (who could have thought that school’s number 1 hooligan would have something like that in his wardrobe)

You pull the hoodie over your head, literally sinking in the soft fabric, the hem almost reaches your knees and your fingers can’t be seen because of long sleeves. But what’s most important - the scent. You nuzzle into the collar of the garment, taking a deep breath in - Jotaro has worn it, you can tell by the musky wooden smell of his cologne which makes you feel giddy. You rise your eyes on brunette, he watches you intently and you don’t miss the way his eyes glimmer

- How do I look? - you ask timidly, adjusting the hood on your back. You notice Jotaro’s Adam’s apple run up and down on his strong neck, he doesn’t even blink, watching at your small body engulfed in the soft warm fabric

- Perfect, - the only thing Jotaro says, and it makes your heart pummeling in your chest. Few next second you spend looking each other in the eyes silently, butterflies flare within both of your stomachs

Who knows how that would end up if Holly didn’t call you for the lunch

[hollyhomburg]

Loved this chapter, tho mc is so much more patient than I’ll ever be. Id be quite tired of dealing w the packs anger towards me over something that I couldn’t control 😭 like at some point I’d be telling Jin and Hobi to get over themselves. Like did Hobi miss the memo that yoongi claimed her bc she would have died if he didn’t? That she begged him not to? And he says that SHE’S the one complicating things?

I love Hobi and Mc but my patience is so thin w him rn. “I should hate u” no u shouldnt and if u do, go to hell. Love him tho ❤️

(Besides I’d be spilling dirt on all of them like did u know Jimin kills people for a living. Jin is an FBI agent. Y’all were complicated and murky long before I even met yoongi u emotional asshole).

I do enjoy Hobi and Mc getting closer tho. I hope they can talk fr. I’m glad Jin was able to sort out whatever he was feeling. And Jimin and Tae took the damn cake w how sweet they were my goodness. All I can think of is Jimin anxiously smoking a cigarette while shopping for makeup for his gf while other customers and workers are looking at him like 👀

okay BUT- i was super intentional about the language i used in this chapter, i really thought that people wouldn't like...still be upset with jin?

i'm not saying you're wrong for it- and this is on par with bily because we've seen everyone in the pack make questionable calls thusfar- thats part of the fun in the story, but if i may, i'm gonna bring up a few spesific lines of the last chapter in rebuttal to this ask, just because it left me with a weird taste in my mouth.

i really hoped that people wouldn't still be angry at jin and hobi...but i guess it's out of my hands right now unless i want to edit.

but remember, we see these charecters conflicted about the very things that youre unsure about, we see hobi's internal narration go. "You claimed Yoongi’s soul and future for yourself before you even met them, even if you had too- Hoseok has a right to be angry). But he’s not. He lies his cheek next to yours on the folded blankets, close enough that he can feel the warmth of your skin, and thinks- are you the only one who I can’t offer comfort to? Isn’t that a wretched thing, that we’re in the same pack but we can’t be so close?

we see hobi here being extremely conflicted, he's not exactly musing on his issues but he's letting them go! i get that the m/c still had to like- deal with them. But i think its very clear how tired she is of it. hobi gets and and he's tired too. it's more then dealing with the bullshit of that together as a pair- the first time they've really done something together for the benefit of their relationship thus far. and we see him immediatly offer her comfort right after- trying to limit the damage of his emotions and actions on her.

and then jin! jin's is also more easy to point out we see the m/c ask "Are you still upset at me and Yoongi for the mark thing?” i was very intentional to use the word upset not angry. jin confirms that he's still upset eventually- but he's mostly upset that they had to make those choices, that the situation forced them to do something that could have easily killed them both, because he wants them both alive not because he doesn't care that the m/c almost died.

but they'res also jealousy and insecurity there- because yoongi would have rather them both almost die then reach out for jin's help. both of those feelings are dealt with through sex in part because they need to reaffirm their desire for intimacy with each other and the trust. jin knows he could push the m/c too far, and she trust him not too in the mini scene (thats not really a scene)

i think people in general with bily forget the trauma that the m/c and yoongi put the pack through. remember- yoongi left without telling them one word, came back with another person and then she proceeded to not speak to them for about a month. i don't think any party is wrong in their feelings, and i do think that the mc is frustrated with them too. she just handles her emotions diffrently, she's more prone to self doubt then anger in part because of her abuse.

when others are angry or unrightfully emotional about others- tae for instance- she has no problem speaking up. but it's different when it comes to her because shes still handling the after effects of the abuse she went through. i'd even gander that the pack is well aware of this and is taking steps to make sure she does speak up for herself, remember hobi says "would you stop with the whole 'i hate you thing'"

and emotions don't just go away once you feel them, sometimes they linger, but both jin and hobi try to make sure that the m/c doesn't feel quite so bad about it, they at least try to make sure the emotions don't hurt her.

hobi offers her comfort before anyone else will- "You’re doing a good job, with Tae. In case no one’s told you yet.”“Oh,” you say, words muffled by the blanket, burying your face in it. “Thanks.” He can feel the warmth of your cheek, and after a second you move just a little closer, just enough for your skin to brush a little, atoms to atoms and more a feeling of warmth than skin. 

jin's is here- oh so he doesn’t hate you, you didn’t realize how worried you were of that, that Jin had someone decide he didn’t want you anymore. The hardness poking at your stomach dictates the opposite of that too. Jin’s hand cups the back of your neck possessively, tilting your mouth so that he can kiss you the way that he likes. He gets you gasping when his teeth dig in a little, just a little harder. But Jin knows you like a bit of force behind it, just to make your mind quiet. (jin knows he's stressed the fuck out of the m/c, and now he's gonna make her better!

Tldr: hobi and jin are trying their hardest!

also please definitely picture minnie smoking and anxiously shopping, a cigarette between one finger and another, or one hanging from his lips while he runs his hands through his hair and looks over high heals trying to figure out the guy to girl size conversion chart and being so so so confused why skirts don't always have pockets or what the fuck a beauty blenders used for.

[horrorscoupes]

posting this during a lecture but hehehe

imperium angel/davey i think itd be funny if they met briefly before he died

cw: smoking mostly

“We’re traveling up north to watch Damien inherit the entire Imperium,” They scratched the center of their palm, fingers twitching for what was probably another cigarette. “And then he’s gonna announce to the entire world how he intends to take me as his consort.” 

David didn’t understand, and he said as much. Their annoyance was clear as day, but they answered without further prompting. 

“I was never Sophia’s biggest fan, we’ll put it that way. But she made life a lot easier for unempowered people, at a very high cost for her approval rates.” The lighter charred their thumbnail, and they didn’t even seem to notice. “A human-born Queen is one thing, an unempowered consort is something completely different.”

[FILLER]

“I’m about to ruin his life, and he doesn’t care, because he doesn’t see the difference in those two things.” They blew smoke towards the stars, and David suppressed a cough. “Us unempowered have a worldview that no one else in the Imperium can understand- we’re all cattle to make the Imperium turn, but when was the last time you saw media coverage on the disappearance of an unempowered person? When was the last time you saw any mass maker held responsible for the slaughter of households because their unbound progeny were hungry?” 

He didn’t have an answer, and even if he did, it wouldn’t do anything to diffuse the situation. Their displeasure was justified and palpable, and something David had previously had the pleasure of never having to think about. It was uncomfortable, trying to think of a million answers for how they must’ve been wrong, and knowing that they weren’t.

“Shifters probably get it the most, right? If there’s a thorn in the Upper Echelon’s side, they just call on a nearby pack to take care of it, or am I getting that wrong? You’re almost as disposable to them as the rest of us. You’re never awarded the right to power the Imperium can’t subjugate, even within your packs.” Another cigarette butt joined their first, and without an outlet for their hands, they picked at a hole in the leg of their pants. “Am I wrong, alpha?”

They weren’t wrong in the slightest, and the use of his title felt taunting, even when they looked at him with gut-twisting sympathy. Harsh words detailed with a gentle face. 

“It doesn’t feel good knowing that I’m about to be complicit in that system by virtue of whose bed I warm.” Hopping down from the banister, they gathered their few belongings.

 "Under the Imperium, none of us are free. Myself least of all.” 

[watchinglikeafangirl]

KinnPorsche Ep 4 - analysis

Because I have something better to do like studying, I'm writing this analysis. Gotta procrastinate you guys and I'm gonna pretend I'm really sad I spend my time watching KinnPorsche instead.

This episode is basically parted into two storylines. Vegas is introduces as a sort of villain here, though I think there's more to it than just him plotting stuff. Kinn and Porsche flirt a lot and we discover some depth of Kinn's character.

Kinn is jealous

Last week, Kinn and Porsche ended up kissing and now it's the next day. Since this is a drama, the antagonist and possible other romantic lead is showing interest, so even before anything really started between Kinn and Porsche, Vegas steps in and Kinn feels extremely jealous. The problem is, of course, that they haven't even talked about the kiss yet but Kinn feels the need to since he's kinda salty about Vegas interfering.

Side note: The garden seems to be pretty important because everytime we see Porsche interacting with the minor family, he is in the garden. Last time I said the garden is representing a sort of fairytale Thankun loves to live in, but Porsche destroyed it by killing the fishes. This time, it's the scene Vegas steps up. Porsche wants to smoke which kind of symbolizes him destroying a fairytale and Vegas helps him with it by lighting up his cigarette. It's a symbolic threat to Kinn because Vegas is a "bad boy", encouraging Porsche to keep doing destructive things while Kinn is "the good guy" showing Porsche what his heart truly wants.

Kinn's jealousy is clearly shown in the scene at the pool. The pool gave me some flashbacks to the trailer tbh and the "Deutsche Bank" logo in the background just made this whole scenery hilarious to me.

"Did I interrupt? I saw you two having a fun conversation."

Porsche doesn't have a clue what this is about and then, we get an important piece of information. After Kinn reminds him to not talk to the minor family members because he doesn't like them, Porsche just says something like "if he talks nicely to me, I talk back nicely. It's manners" and Kinn's face is just gold at this point but this short sentence shows the entire conflict between those two and why Porsche helps Kinn to see the world in a different light. Kinn is so used to do things the hard way and to always state his point. He never tried to talk nicely to anyone because that's what he was taught: friendliness doesn't get you anywhere. But Porsche is different. He always needed people to like him and couldn't just give a sh*t about other's opinion of him. The difference is right there and unnoticable but if you watch closely, the conflict is already laid out.

I think this jealousy made Kinn realize something he is not ready to admit to himself yet but it leads to the sauna scene and the most clichéish question ever.

"If you were a girl, would you like a guy like me?"

I just love how Porsche says "you're weird today" because he can't remember lmao. Porsche mostly just goes with the flow and Kinn thinks things through. Kinn only kisses someone he likes. Porsche kisses back because it's nice and if it turns into something, it's nice as well but not intended at first.

Kinn shows a very different side here. He is not cold and calculative. Just a man in his twenties (?) who just tries to have someone and tries to deal with his life even if he doesn't like it sometimes. Kinn is someone who loves money but had to realize money doesn't give you everything you want, so he's kinda lonely. With Porsche, he's just not lonely, I think.

The calm Kinn vanishes when Vegas shows up again. The jealousy is on another level here and Vegas recognizes and picks up the fight. Kinn is all too serious, Vegas is very amused and the others are just uncomfortable. But Vegas still seems to know something about Kinn's past which was missing up until now. Someone like Kinn obviously has a trauma. Else he wouldn't keep people away and never care about what other's feel.

Progress

Shortly after this, we get the next bit of information about Kinn.

"You never seem to change. Never let me kiss you"

With this both being said, everything that happened and will happen is seen in a different light. Because Kinn has kissed Porsche after shortly knowing him. He cares deeply about him. He checks up on Porsche's wound and when Porsche lies on the bed, all out of it, Kinn caresses his cheek and sends the other bodyguards away. He seems to be really scared.

But first, let's talk about the whole Big incident and how prod Kinn looks. The lightning is very beautiful right here because Kinn feels appreciated and Porsche protects him in some way, that's why the lights are between them. It's what Kinn wished would happenen but thought "just in my dreams". It then happens for real, but it still feels like a dream.

Talking about lightning, can we talk about the auction?! Kinn wears a red suit. He is ready for war. Vegas is there too and Kinn is just ready to fight (not physically speaking). The whole room is gloomy and blue, it's a dangerous scenery and a tense atmosphere. Vegas and Kinn keep bidding and Porsche gets poisoned. They all knew events are dangerous and Porsche definetely learned from the last time because he really doesn't want to drink a random water that was just given to him. But yeah, Kinn is forced to smile at him and he gets all confused by it.

Now we get to the scene we all want to to talk about. But let me say, I was surprised how it turned out. I wasn't ready to see them having sex because I think they aren't there yet. But again, sex isn't always something to wait for, so of course no judgement. I especially loved the coloring here because the background is dark-geen but these two are constantly put in a warm yellow and kinda orange light which just looked so beautiful. And I have to say, I love their acting. Like Apo is so good portraying a very high Porsche and Mile is amazingly playing a distant Kinn who is confused. I just love them.

So, we remember from earlier that Kinn doesn't kiss anyone. He seems to have some trauma and at the pier, it was more thoughtless than now. Here, Porsche teases and touches him very much and Kinn is just lost I think. His face shows it all. And when Porsche "shows him the real deal", Kinn looks like he's about to cry.

The kiss probably awoke some nasty memories of his trauma and he wasn't sure if he can endure it to then arive at the other side where Porsche is. He gives in shortly after but it was important to see him being confused because of the things that have been said earlier.

Vegas is the antagonist

Short analysis about the last scene with Vegas standing nacked in a red room with candles, being aroused by the flashbacks of a knocked-out Porsche. The flashback thing is obviously there to show what kind of creepy and disgusting guy he really is. We only see that now after what happened because Porsche and we only know now what Kinn already knew about him: that he is not in any way nice. So, that would have been enough to make clear that Vegas is the antagonist. But they put him in a red room with candles and this combination is very spiritually. He is portrayed as the devil. Candles are mostly seen in churches and weird cults. Red is the color of war and the devil. This whole scenery is in a very ancient looking room and all these things together, are clearly stating "he is the villain". I'm excited for next week after this chaotic analysis lmao

[hakasims]

The Most Important Review of Every Single Luca Marinelli Film

Listen, I’m not here to tell you if a movie’s plot is well-structured or whatever, ok? I’m here for objective, factual data on how Luca Marinelli’s brand is adhered to in every movie he’s been in so far.

(all gifs by @weardes​)

La solitudine dei numeri primi (2010)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? No. His life is hard enough as it is.

Is Luca naked? He’s wearing speedos in one scene, but he’s covered in s*lf-h*rm marks, it’s very sad and not sexy at all.

Is Luca gay? Hell if I know.

Is Luca a slut? He talks to like two people in the whole movie.

Lucameter: 2/100 pathetic (but like I get it it’s his first movie w/e)

L'ultimo terrestre (2011)

Does Luca smoke? Yes.

Does Luca sing? No, but Roberta is a captivating dancer.

Does Luca eat? No, though she takes a shot once.

Does Luca get slapped? Yes, but not in a fun way :(

Is Luca naked? No, but there are some thighs and belly with a mini skirt in between. No complaints.

Is Luca gay? Not enough data.

Is Luca a slut? No.

Lucameter: 1/100 horrible, Roberta deserved better

Waves (2011)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? Yes, drunkenly!

Does Luca eat? They just won’t let him put food into his mouth! Watching Gabriele trying and failing to eat is Hitchcock-level suspense, though it all comes to a very satisfying conclusion when the camera isn’t focusing on him for a second, and he friggin’ inhales the food off the table.

Does Luca get slapped? No, but he gets pushed around a lot.

Is Luca naked? No, but he does take off his shirt a couple of times. Also his legs are like completely hairless?? Has anyone ever noticed that? They shaved his legs!

Is Luca gay? No proof that he is, no proof that he isn’t.

Is Luca a slut? No, he is the sweetest purest cinnamon roll.

Lucameter: 37/100 it’s getting better

Nina (2011)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No, but he plays the cello and dances.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? No.

Is Luca naked? No, though even if he was, you wouldn’t be able to enjoy it because he never gets any close-ups or decent lighting.

Is Luca gay? He’s shown to be into ladies.

Is Luca a slut? Please, he’s barely even a character.

Lucameter: 0/100 unwatchable

Tutti i santi giorni (2012)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? Yes, and he cooks!

Does Luca get slapped? Yes, lightly, in a patronizing way.

Is Luca naked? Oh yes.

Is Luca gay? He’s religiously devoted to his lady love.

Is Luca a slut? Not so much a slut as a hella thirsty bitch.

Lucameter: 43/100 half down ponytail saves lives

Maria di Nazaret (2012)

Does Luca smoke? No, obviously.

Does Luca sing? No. He dances once - very clumsily.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? No, though he almost drops a house on himself.

Is Luca naked? Guys, it’s a Bible movie.

Is Luca gay? Come on, he’s Saint Joseph.

Is Luca a slut? Lol no.

Lucameter: -10/100 just for that hair

La grande bellezza (2013)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? No.

Is Luca naked? Full frontal, but in a disturbing way. Red body paint is involved.

Is Luca gay? Who’s to say?

Is Luca a slut? Please.

Lucameter: 4/100 which is more than the number of his on-screen minutes

Il mondo fino in fondo (2013)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? Briefly; he mostly drinks.

Does Luca get slapped? No, but he gets a fruit thrown at him.

Is Luca naked? He’s never more naked than a T-shirt and underwear, but those fuzzy thighs strike back hard after Waves.

Is Luca gay? He’s married to a woman.

Is Luca a slut? I mean, he’s married but goes to a strip club anyway.

Lucameter: 12/100 though he looks really hot in this movie

Non essere cattivo (2015)

Does Luca smoke? Yes, a lot, and he does lots of harder stuff.

Does Luca sing? No, but boy does he dance.

Does Luca eat? He briefly chews on something, but he mostly drinks.

Does Luca get slapped? Yes, wonderfully, multiple times, so good.

Is Luca naked? Fully clothed the entire time.

Is Luca gay? He emanates just the most Gay Longing™

Is Luca a slut? Not actually in practice, but the vibe is there.

Lucameter: 86/100 would have been more if he’d had any nude scenes, but that butt in those jeans is very much appreciated

Lo chiamavano Jeeg Robot (2015)

Does Luca smoke? No, he takes care of his body!

Does Luca sing? Only in the best karaoke scene ever committed to screen. And a little in the car with his buddies. It’s wholesome.

Does Luca eat? He gets a whole ball of mozzarella shoved into his mouth. Luca Marinelli... is lactose intolerant.

Does Luca get slapped? No, but he gets sexy scratches on his face, so points for originality.

Is Luca naked? He’s got all the buttons of his shirt undone in one scene, and there’s also like a quarter of the butt.

Is Luca gay? He’s definitely not straight.

Is Luca a slut? He’s a slut for YouTube views and empowering female songs.

Lucameter: 97/100 I was missing The Slap but whatcha gonna do

Die Pfeiler der Macht (2016)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No, but he dances sluttily.

Does Luca eat? Yes, though all the food in this movie looks disgusting.

Does Luca get slapped? Very hard.

Is Luca naked? Not as naked as he should be considering the everything about him.

Is Luca gay? He fucks everything in this movie.

Is Luca a slut? He fucks everything in this movie.

Lucameter: 64/100 weak

Slam - Tutto per una ragazza (2016)

Does Luca smoke? Yes.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? No.

Is Luca naked? He gives us a full butt moment.

Is Luca gay? Not in the slightest.

Is Luca a slut? Definitely, but it all happens off screen somewhere.

Lucameter: 34/100 the butt is doing all the work here

Il padre d'Italia (2017)

Does Luca smoke? Yes, a lot.

Does Luca sing? Yes, and he dances while singing!

Does Luca eat? No, but he drinks champagne like a fancy bitch.

Does Luca get slapped? Yes, by life.

Is Luca naked? We get everything in the first five minutes. Everything.

Is Luca gay? Yes, canonically and explicitly.

Is Luca a slut? No, he’s full of gay sin and self-loathing.

Lucameter: 99/100 glorious

Lasciati andare (2017)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? He doesn’t have time for anything else but he always has time to get slapped.

Is Luca naked? Not in the slightest.

Is Luca gay? He just wants to be loved T__T

Is Luca a slut? The virgin vibes are stronger than in the Bible movie.

Lucameter: 8/100 it didn’t have to be this way

Una questione privata (2017)

Does Luca smoke? This movie is covered in smoke from Milton’s cigarettes. Seriously, he smokes all the time. Including the scene where he gets called ugly.

Does Luca sing? No, not even in the scene where he gets called ugly.

Does Luca eat? He drinks an egg, though not in the scene where he gets called ugly.

Does Luca get slapped? No. He gets called ugly, though.

Is Luca naked? No.

Is Luca gay? Strong bisexual vibes from this one.

Is Luca a slut? Again, major virgin energy.

Lucameter: 17/100 can you imagine they had the audacity to call him ugly???

Fabrizio De André - Principe libero (2018)

Does Luca smoke? In every scene. Every. Single. One.

Does Luca sing? Duh, while playing the guitar.

Does Luca eat? Yes.

Does Luca get slapped? No, everybody is soft for Fabrizio.

Is Luca naked? He’s wearing nothing but a bath towel for a whole scene.

Is Luca gay? He’s very much into ladies, although he’s got sizzling chemistry with every male character.

Is Luca a slut? He’s very into ladies.

Lucameter: 94/100 almost perfect

Trust (2018)

(it’s not a movie, but Primo is so iconic I can’t and shan’t leave him out)

Does Luca smoke? It’s the 70s and Italy, come on.

Does Luca sing? Unfortunately, he doesn’t, but he’s one hell of a dancer.

Does Luca eat? Munches on spaghetti like there’s no tomorrow.

Does Luca get slapped? Yes. And he doesn’t forget it.

Is Luca naked? Sadly no, but man does the camera love his butt hugged tightly by those slutty 1970s pants. Also balls. Just... just balls.

Is Luca gay? We don’t know for sure, but his whole vibe is kinda the exact opposite of heterosexuality.

Is Luca a slut? For money and power.

Lucameter: 82/100 would benefit from like a karaoke scene or something

Ricordi? (2018)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? Yes.

Does Luca get slapped? No.

Is Luca naked? Oh yes. And he fuuuuuuuuuuucks.

Is Luca gay? This relationship is so heterosexual the couple are literally called Him and Her.

Is Luca a slut? He fucks a lot, but somehow in a very unslutty way. He’s mostly just sad.

Lucameter: 51/100 and he’s called ugly again???

Martin Eden (2019)

Does Luca smoke? Yes.

Does Luca sing? Amazingly, yes, very softly. He also dances.

Does Luca eat? Yep.

Does Luca get slapped? Finally the slappee has become the slapper.

Is Luca naked? Man, I wish. He doesn’t even take his shirt off like wtf dude what did you build all that bigness for???

Is Luca gay? No, and I think he’d be happier if he were.

Is Luca a slut? No, and again, I think it’d have served him better to be a slut.

Lucameter: 62/100 it’s a fine movie that would’ve benefited from more trademark Luca stuff okay

The Old Guard (2020)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? Briefly.

Does Luca get slapped? A lot of violence happens in this movie, but not a single slap, ridiculous.

Is Luca naked? Shirtless, with a close-up on the nipple.

Is Luca gay? Oh, I don’t know, does being one half of the most wholesome and perfect gay couple count?

Is Luca a slut? How dare you. He’s been happily married for 900 years.

Lucameter: 25/100 none of Luca’s trademarks are present but the epicness of his immortal marriage warms me when I shiver in cold