#and i was just gonna have him smoke cigarettes because i mostly know how those work

[possumkingluca]

the writing experience is going down a 30 minute to multiple hour long rabbit hole about something that you would never be interested in normally for one specific minute detail

[lorenzozurzolocanruinmylife]

Mattheo’s girl -Theo Nott x reader/ Mattheo Riddle x reader

(Based on Rick Springfield’s song Jessie’s girl)

T.W.= smut, mdni, kind of stalkerish behavior, alcohol, cigarettes, hopefully that’s it

Mattheo is a friend

Yeah, I know, he's been a good friend of mine

But lately something's changed that ain't hard to define

Mattheo's got himself a girl and I want to make her mine

Theo stayed restless all night, turning right and round in his bed, he went outside to smoke at least 10 times. Something that has been happening for quite sometime, Theo could precisely pinpoint the day he started dealing with this type of struggle, one which he couldn’t seem to get rid of, no matter how hard he tried.

Actually, he could locate the exact place and moment in which things had changed, and his world had turned upside down.

10th of October, 2 months previously

The great hall was filled with noises, glasses clinking, first years snickering, professors chatting.Theo, Enzo, Pansy, Blaise, Draco and Astoria were already at the back of the Slytherin table, discussing their usual topics always adding some new aspects to it.

The only missing piece in their habitual frame was Mattheo Riddle.

The thing about that devilish boy was that nobody ever truly knew where he was or what was he doing.

Lately though, Theo, his very best friend, had notice a shift in his behavior. He found his mate even more mysterious than usual, if that was even possible. He was sly and vague anytime someone asked him anything.

Another thing that Theo seemed to have perceived was the way he came back late in the middle of the night, or how often he just didn’t come back.

Now, everybody knew Mattheo’s nature and the tendencies he had, rumor has it he has an outstanding count, body count obviously. He never denied said rumor, actually, he bashed in the pride that came along with it.

So it should have been normal really, but he never talked about his latest hookups, topic that he was extremely open about, in the quidditch’s changing room, as a fun story time at parties, hell even in class snickering right under Snape’s nose.

He collected those anecdotes mostly to narrate them in a crowd…and now…he just disappeared and came back, not speaking a single word, not indulging in any verdict his friends tried to state.

The only thing that talked were his eyes, and an unnoticeable glistening sparkle of something that Theo had never seen in those, usually starless, eyes.

In the middle of dinner, every single noise, was silenced by a far more powerful one.

The two huge door leaves opened, behind them Mattheo, who was so tall that he shielded you from everyone’s sight.

Until you took his hand in yours and started walking beside him, nearly skipping, looking completely devoted to each other, so much that you both didn’t remotely seem to notice everyone’s stare. He finally arrived at his normal spot, bringing you along.The noises came back to life but not to everybody, no, because Theo hadn’t heard even a single sound from the moment he laid his eyes on you. Let alone he couldn’t see anybody else, or understand anything.

“Guys, I want you all to meet the apple of my eye, my sweet lovely awesome girl. This is y/n, who I’m sure you’re gonna love just as much as I do” Mattheo couldn’t understand how much this last statement would become true. While he showed you off, his eyes filled with thousands of those damn sparkles, Theo started to feel the need to hold you.

And she's watching him with those eyes

But how could he do that if you were so absorbed in Mattheo, focusing on him, and only him.

Theo never knew envy, and he never even remotely thought how gut wrenching it could feel, until that moment; that horrifying split second, that for some reason couldn’t seem to pass.

“Nice to meet you! I’m y/n, you must be Theo? I’ve heard a lot about you” you outstretched your hand towards a very unresponsive Theo.

You knew who he was. That was enough gasoline to light up an immense fire in his chest, so vast that it reached his throat, making him cough, and finally his face…painting him red.

He couldn’t tell if it was more passion or embarrassment he was enduring, but he knew he was crumbling under your beautiful gaze, nonetheless he couldn’t stop this absolutely awkward scene, because of how little and weak he felt.

He took your hand.

He looked up at you.

“I’m sorry- it- it’s just I never thought I could ever meet Mattheo’s girl…never even thought he could have just one” he whispered the last part, you seemed to have heard it though and you laughed, surprisingly.

In that instant- you drying your tears caused by the loud heartfelt laugh, him gaping at your smile, feeling an incredible uncontrollable high because he made you laugh- he knew ha was at your mercy.

Pathetic and lost in you.

Time passed and you started becoming a constant presence in the group, this was driving Theo mad, because he needed to be near you just as much as he wished to be as far away from you as possible.

He was starting to doubt his morals, because anytime he saw you, the feeling he was harboring in his chest- involuntarily- was becoming more and more voluntary. Not only this, but he cared less and less about his best friend, and the fact that you were his.

In fact Theo was convinced that if he had the chance to take you away from Mattheo he would, he desperately wanted to make you his. No matter how traitorous he’d have to be. The only thing that stopped him was you.

And she's loving him with that body, I just know it

Yeah, and he's holding her in his arms late, late at night

You were in love with Mattheo.

Just as much as he loved you.

Just as much as Theo loved you.

You loved him in the daylight, when anyone could see it, walking with him hand in hand, always sitting next to each other -Theo thought that at least it was better than to see you sitting ON him-

always exchanging notes, winks, flying kisses and so much more.

But he knew you loved him in the moonlight, where no one could see.

You loved him with your body.

He just knew it…

31st of October

The Slytherins were organizing a Halloween party, that was one of the most awaited every year.

You were in Mattheo’s dorm, laid down on him, facing him lazily while sharing some light kisses. You decided to go at the party in a couple’s costume, as if you hadn’t launched your relationship enough -thought Theo, who would have done anything to go with you, even if it meant dressing up in the most ridiculous way ever.

As soon as Theo entered the room, followed suit by Enzo, he felt as if the scene unfolding before him was stolen directly from his nightmares.

He craved your touch, your faint kisses, your arms around his neck and your sweet words, just as much as he needed to throw up right there and then.

Enzo peeked over Theo’s shoulder as he was standing still paralyzed by the envy tugging at his heart, and mostly clouding his mind. He gave his friend a little push, “move your perv ass Theo, I need to pee” and just then he realized Mattheo was glaring at him because of his blatant stare, so he coughed and immediately threw himself on his bed.

Mattheo turned his glare towards him again, protectively holding you twice as close as before. It was no secret that he was jealous of anyone who simply looked in your way, how could he not? You were attractive in a way that was far more than just physical, your whole self had a pull on every single person you met, you were irresistible. That’s probably why his friends, who were the most selective and elitist group of people in the whole school not only accepted you as one of their own, but also requested your presence the very few times you weren’t around.

Theo heard some of the suggestions you two were debating for the costumes, imagining him and you in each of them.

He started to feel hot as the options were becoming doubly spicier than the other.

He had to get out of there.

The party had already started when you guys showed up, you were gorgeous, dressed in a long white dress that had a pretty deep neckline, and where your heart was supposed to be there was a knife with fake blood all over. You had a white veil too, while Mattheo was wearing a tux with red handprints on the shirt.

It was sickening really, you were a bride, and he was your goddamn husband. Theo who was already holding a drink downed it as fast as he could. Trying to get that horrible image out of his mind.

As you reached the group everyone was complimenting you both, “you’re the it couple” “you guys look so good as husband and wife!!!” Pansy and Astoria yelled. They stole you away from your fake husband to dance and take far too many shots. Which still weren’t half the ones that Theo drank, in fact he could hardly stand on his two feet.

He returned to the group, and he thanked whoever was helping him from above that you weren’t there, because in the state in which he was he would have definitely poured his feelings out, and possibly even a mix of the cocktails he downed.

“Man I’ve never seen you so whipped for any girl- actually I may have never seen you even interested in any girl. Y/n has some super power” Blaise said teasingly to Mattheo, who was looking out for you from a distance just to know you were safe, and also because he was entirely too stunned by your beauty. “What can I say? I knew from the very first second I’ve looked at her that she was the one, she doesn’t remind me of any other girl that I’ve met, I don’t think I could find another one like that” “And also, look at her” Enzo chimes in raising his eyebrows, earning a push and a chuckle from Mattheo.

Theo was sat on the sofa, his head in his hands, thinking that it was better if he just kept silent and even better if he didn’t spare you one glance.

As the party went on he watched as you and Mattheo were tangled in a hot embrace while dancing, touching each other and basically humping to the rhythm of the music. He suddenly grabbed a girl that was dancing in front of him, with his eyes wide shut he started to imagine it was you dancing, it was you pressed tightly against him, it was you kissing him and it was you he was leading to his dorm.

He was about to stumble in with the mystery girl, the actress, until he heard some loud noises.

He broke away from her, telling her to stay quiet, while he slowly leaned towards the door hearing the most heavenly gasps and moans he ever heard. He turned back to the girl and while she tried to imply to go back to her dorm, he ignored her turning back once more.

Obviously she wasn’t expecting this, and left as disappointed as Theo had never left another girl before. But he couldn’t stop himself from wanting to hear more, to fuel his fantasy, giving it something concrete, starting somewhere real to land in his most incredibly feral imaginations. He leaned a bit more on the door and it opened slightly, he was relieved that it didn’t make any noise, and most importantly he was ecstatic that he got to sneak the sight he had been dreaming about since the day he first saw you.

He didn’t care that this was clearly a violation of your privacy, he couldn’t bring himself to look away.

The image of you on top of his best friend, bouncing on him, small drops of sweet sweet sweat running down the valley of your perfect round tits that went up and down with your every move. He was enchanted by it all, this was something that he had dreamt and imagined countless times, but nothing compared to the real deal.

He gave up trying to not touch himself, and he started to unbutton his pants hurriedly reaching his hardened dick and as you came closer and closer to your climax so did he. He didn’t feel shame, he felt closer to her, as if his hands were the ones grabbing her, his body the one loving her, his cock the one pleasing her.

When he came undone, he stepped away from the doorway, muttering “I wish that I had Mattheo’s girl”, passing a resigned hand over his face.

The next morning he felt outrageously ill, inflamed with an unadulterated jealousy seeing your naked form, covered with the white sheets of his best friend’s bed, but mostly covered by his best friend’s embrace. He just couldn’t wrap his head around how unfair was the fact that the bastard could wake up to your beautiful goddess like body in his arms, his face next to your angelic one. He should have been the one, he should have been the one having you.

You know, I wish that I had

Mattheo's girl

I wish that I had Mattheo's girl

Where can I find a woman like that?

Theo in an attempt to be rational had decided to give other girls a try, certainly he would find what he saw in you in someone else, right?

Wrong!

He couldn’t keep count of how many boring chats, meaningless one night stands, and dates he had endured trying to find someone like you.

He definitely remembered when that realization hit, that simply no one could compare.

Double date, Hogsmeade, Theo, girl n.17, Mattheo, you. Splendidly suggested by his very best mate in question.

12th of November

Just like any other Saturday a trip to Hogsmeade was planned, and the group of boys were all getting ready in their shared dorm.

“Guys which should I wear for my date with y/n? Green or grey?” Mattheo asked turning toward the others holding up two sweaters. “Dude whatever, it’s not like it’s your first date” Draco answered him annoyed with his friend that couldn’t for the life of him spend some time alone with his friends anymore, Theo couldn’t blame him though. He knew that if he ever had someone like you, he too would exploit every single second to be around you, not wasting anytime with anyone else. Exactly the opposite of what his plans were for this not-so-exciting evening. “I heard someone else here is going on a first date? Or should I say hundredth, huh lover boy?” Enzo raised his eyebrows mimicking a kiss aimed at Theo, who threw him a pillow to shut him up. “Yeah mate what’s up with this slut era of yours? You’re trying to catch an std or sum?” Blaise asked him giving him a nasty side eye “I just give the ladies some sugar, you know, there’s enough for everyone” Theo smirked, trying to conceal his cringed reaction to what he had just said. And mostly trying to hide the unbearable truth, that you were no some girl. You were Y/n, unique, funny, charming, genuine, his sweet forbidden fruit.

He tuned the guys out, not caring in the least of what they had to say about his unconventional DonGiovanni’s lifestyle, to think about you just like he always did. What brought him back to reality was the same thing that took him away in the first place. Y/n. As soon as he heard your name his head shot up, his stare that was lost on the wall in front of him focused once more on his friends.

“Huh?” “Why don’t you and your girl hang with us? Like a double date?” Mattheo suggested finally having settled on the grey sweater, “Why?” Theo let that out with a baffled expression, doubting this could ever be a good idea. He himself knew that he wouldn’t have resisted being in the same room with Mattheo always touching and kissing you. And he definitely knew that the poor girl he brought along would be discarded the very instant that his eyes found you, because wherever you were so was his undivided attention.

But then he thought again, still convinced that he could find a replacement for you, someone else that could steal his heart from you after you had done that to him yourself. He thought that the best way to know if this girl could take your place was for her to show him, with you there, that she was a fair opponent. As Mattheo rambled about giving him an example of what true love should look like and yada yada, Theo just shrugged and agreed.

In hindsight he couldn’t have been more wrong, or maybe he was right, when he had first thought that the girl would have been discarded, and that he wouldn’t have notice any other person as long as you were there.

But there he was, sat at a very small table at madam Puddifoot’s tea shop, regretting his every choice, with a very plain and awkward ravenclaw girl by his side, and in front of him the awfully cutesy couple seemingly having a staring contest.

The poor girl, Vic or something, was trying to make small talk and each time Theo just mumbled something in return. You on the other hand were always so nice and entertaining, not wanting her to feel left out you talked about every possible topic.

I'll play along with the charade

There doesn't seem to be a reason to change

You know, I feel so dirty when they start talking cute

I wanna tell her that I love her, but the point is probably moot.

But even though he knew it didn’t make sense, none of it made sense, him being there, him being there with that girl, he decided to just keep up with whatever this seemed to be. So for the rest of the evening he tried to be as charming as one should be on a first date, subtly trying to make you laugh more than he made her, and more than Mattheo made you. Being slightly arrogant about his advanced potions’ skills, his good grades, his quidditch wins and this sort of things.

And despite his real attempt to woo the girl just for the façade’s sake, as if for some cruel divine joke he seemed to have way more chemistry with you. Indeed you laughed at his stupid jokes, you didn’t stand back on an exchange of witty and cunning banter, and at one point you even completed one of his sentences. He felt like he was going to die if he had to keep faking this misplaced interest for just one second longer, until he looked at you, really looked at you. Nearly fused with Mattheo, holding one of his hands while his other was under your sweater. Exchanging sweet nothings at the same time you were talking to him. And Theo, who wasn’t a stranger to this scene, still felt like he was about to crash out, blinded by the infamous green eyed monster, and just like on the night of Halloween he felt dirty. This was one of those epiphanic moments in which he regained lucidity, disgusted with his behavior.

He did truly feel like shit. How could he not? His best friend’s girl? It was seriously the least loyal thing that he could think of, it was the first rule of bro code. Goddamn, it was a commandment.

But he loved you. His heart ached for you, every smile you directed to him, every word, every nod, every acknowledgment from you got him completely drunk.

And in these very rare lucid moments he felt ashamed, a sinner. Besides, most of the time it all felt right, it was right to be selfish, it made sense, just like it would have if he finally told you. Because there was nothing that he wanted more than to break free from the heavy chains of this secret and confess.

In those few, clear moments, he sobered up, and kept realizing that it would have been irrational and mostly vain. Because you loved Mattheo. And he couldn’t do anything to stop that.

Cause she's watching him with those eyes

And she's loving him with that body, I just know it

And he's holding her in his arms late, late at night

You know, I wish that I had

Mattheo’s girl.

The date ended, and so did Theo’s hopes on encountering someone like you. And with them died also the dreams of a reciprocation of his feelings. Just like they did every damn time he saw your shiny eyes looking at his best mate. There was no point. He could just surrender to his impossible love and move on eventually, while having to stand there and watch every kiss, every lingering touch, every form of pda the world knew.

He found peace only at night, when he dreamt of you and him together, doing all the things he had seen you do with him.

And I'm looking in the mirror all the time

Wonderin' what she don't see in me

I've been funny, I've been cool with the lines

Ain't that the way love's supposed to be?

Tell me, where can I find a woman like that?

You know, I wish that I had

Mattheo's girl

What Theo really just didn’t understand was what could he possibly have less than him, people had always told them how similar they were, did Mattheo become all of a sudden the better version? No, impossible. Theo searched for the answers in the mirror, trying to think of what he didn’t have that Matt did. Sure, he was more muscular, but that had never meant that he wasn’t just as strong.

Was his personality the problem? It couldn’t! No, because whenever you spoke to each other you seemed so at ease, you seemed like you were aware of the flick of fire that lit between the two of you.

24th of November

Theo had just come back from the library to his dorm, thinking he’d be alone, he dived on his messy unmade bed hoping to rest his poor head filled with tangled thoughts that were all screaming your name.

“Rough day?” he gasped, nearly falling out of the bed “Oh dear Merlin, you scared me” he said holding his chest with one hand, and his forehead with the other one. “Scared of a little company, aren’t you Theo?” “You don’t know just how much” he answered you completely honest, though you didn’t know he wasn’t joking.

“So w- what are you doing here? Waiting for Mattheo?” he asked, truly regretting the last part, and having to say it out loud. “Not really, but since he gave me the password to the common room, I figured why not?” “So you do spend time apart? I wasn’t aware” he faked a surprised expression and made you laugh “Well, you know sometimes it all just feels like a lot, I mean…” you tried to make sense without sounding mean “are you trying to say that he’s too much?”. “No, no please Theo, come on I didn’t mean it like that” Theo was snickering, feeling somewhat relieved that it was too much even for you. “You know what I mean, like I love him, truly” you said and Theo’s smile faltered for a beat, then came back normal as if his heart hadn’t just been wounded by what you said to him. “But we just might spend too much time together, and like I said, I love him but I love my own personal space too”. “Well i don’t blame him” he said “it’s easy to get lost in time when you’re with someone like you” he let out this risky statement testing you, trying to see your reaction. Your cheeks welcomed a burning pink tint on them, and you looked down at your feet lightly smiling “Someone like me?” you looked back up at him with a challenging glance “yeah, someone effortlessly fun” “and what else?” “I’m sorry I can’t come up with another lie” he said smirking at you. You suddenly got up to your feet, went up to him and pushed him. “Fuck off Theo” you told him laughing “Someone who can take a joke definitely” he said trying to keep his cool after feeling your touch, “Ah, ah, ah. And here I was thinking you liked me!” you feigned an insulted face “I don’t like you…” he said seriously now. You stood there still, in front of him, the heat returned to hit you in your face.

That was it. He knew and he firmly believed you knew it too. He was gonna say it, he extended his arm and gently took your hand “No, I-“ “Y/n babe are you in here?”. You took back your hand, and went to your boyfriend as fast as you could.

-Of course- Theo thought to himself, who else could interrupt his one chance to finally tell you, if not your stupid boyfriend. “Oh dude hi, kept her company I hope?” “Yeah well I was just about to leave, bye Matt” and then he looked at you, who were now in his friend’s arms, like every damn time. Your eyes met his “bye y/n”.

His cards were now on the table, and maybe for this reason or for his undeniable guilt, that was the last thing he had told you. The feelings were still there, but so were yours, even if he genuinely had believed that he saw something in your eyes in that moment.

The truth was that there was something, there were those sparkles, the same Mattheo had when watching you. You just couldn’t admit it out loud, and now Theo had started to completely ignore you, so there was no point in trying to understand what was that you felt, no because you were always Mattheo’s girl.

[fuck-customers]

The other day, these boys (they weren't even teenagers) cane in to the cinema the other day and were trying to buy Deadpool tickets. They obviously didn't have IDs, so they were trying to get other people to buy it for them.

First, they said the guy in line behind them was their uncle and he was gonna watch it with him, only for the guy to butt in with "I don't even know you guys"

Then they were just standing next to the line and letting people go ahead of them in line and asking every single one of them, and eventually, one of them said yes. So my boss sauntered over to the guy as he was trying to buy them tickets and had this conversation:

Boss: "So... you're the parental figure?"

Man: "Yes."

Boss: "You know these boys?"

Man: "Obviously."

Boss: "So the boys are going to sit right next to you? And you understand that if they misbehave and have to be asked to leave, you'll have to leave with them, since you're responsible for them?"

Man: "... sorry guys, never mind."

And then he gave them their money back and went to watch his movie. Like, based on past experience and the way the boys were acting, we're all pretty sure they weren't going to behave during the movie (mostly because they couldn't even behave in the lobby where there's a bunch of employees watching them because it was a very slow day and they were being loud.)

Oh, and the youngest boy could not have been older than 10, at the absolute most, and he had a fucking vape hanging on a lanyard around his neck. Like, kid, you don't need to be fucking up your lungs and developing an addiction when you haven't even started puberty yet. Okay, my grandfather was smoking by age 10, but they also thought cigarettes were good for treating asthma back then. These days, we know better. (Obviously, I don't care if adults smoke or vape, as long as they aren't doing it in the building or too close to me. I do have severe respiratory problems and I like being able to breathe as much clean air as my lungs will allow. But 10, or however old this kid, is waaaay too fucking young. I know laws don't actually determine morals, but smoking/vaping under the age of 18 is illegal here too).

Also, I had not one but two groups of parents argue and throw a fit because I had to tell them they couldn't bring their newborn babies into R rates movies. Like, one of them was just reaching the stage where she was starting to look like a proper baby, but the other one was so young that he was still in the stage where he looks more like an alien than a baby. Like, the girl was maybe a month old, but the boy was maaaaybe two weeks. Yes, I understand that your tiny, tiny infants are probably not going to be traumatized by the new Alien movie. Newborns are extremely nearsighted, so they probably couldn't even see the screen. But you know what babies *do* do? Cry. And people buy tickets to a movie that is Age Restricted (which is what the R in Rated R stands for: Age Restricted 17 and Up) buy tickets with the reasonable expectation that there isn't going to be a screaming child in there. That's why company policy is that we don't allow kids under 6 to Age Restricted films, even with parents. Because if your baby is crying the whole time, people want their money back and we have to give refunds. Corporate doesn't give a shit if you're bad parents or not for traumatizing your 4-year old by dragging him to a Saw movie or whatever (and no, he can't just "play on his iPad the whole time", you're not allowed to have those out either because it's also disruptive to other guests). This has been company policy since around the time the first Saw movie came out, actually. It's not new.

The parents of the little boy were even like "he won't cry, he loves loud noises!" Like, he's two weeks old, he's barely popped out of the womb, you cannot possibly know him well enough to know how he's going to react to being at the movies for the first time (I see parents bringing their 3 to 6 year olds in for their first movie at the cinema, like multiple times a week, and they don't even know how the kid will react most of the time), and frankly at this point, I'm not sure I trust you to make the decisions that are best for your child rather than yourself, since that's a newborn fucking baby, there's a massive COVID surge right now, and the theater is very crowded. I *just* got back to work after catching COVID at the fucking urgent care when I had a concussion, and they had hospital-grade ozone air filters, and both I and the person in the waiting room who had COVID were wearing masks (AND I'm fully up to date on my vaccines). Your baby can absolutely catch COVID if you're going to be sitting in a packed room with a hundred or more other people for several hours, especially since none of you are masking. He can't even have been vaccinated for chickenpox or whooping cough yet.

Your baby in no way benefits from being here, but he could easily catch an illness and die. You know how many toddlers I see that are constantly coughing and don't understand to cover their mouths yet? So fucking many. At least be honest; you're here because you want to watch the new movie, and you're not willing to wait until you can get a babysitter for a few hours. You're not here because your newborn baby "likes loud noises"; if that's really the case, you can take him for a walk near a construction site or something, which is free and less likely to give him a potentially fatal illness. Or, you know, put something on the phone or the TV on for him. I know that being cooped up at home sucks, I really do, but even if you're willing to risk the health of your baby that's still fresh out of the oven, we as a business still do not allow him to be in here for that movie. You can pick one that's not Adults-Only if you really really want to watch a movie right now. Or you could hire a babysitter, or leave him with Grandma for a few hours, or something.

Not to mention the fact that our sound system is good enough to shake things through the sound-dampening walls; it's got to be fucking torture on sensitive newborn eardrums. I have a video of a time when a specific movie was playing right next to the bathroom and some of the sound effects hit just the right pitch that the fucking stall doors were unlocking themselves from the vibrations. (And yes, the sound-dampening walls do work, and we do actually replace the panels when they wear out, but they can only do so much. They're sound dampening, not sound-proof, and audio mixing in films has been all over the place for the last however many years. Movies are often much louder, or at least have a wider range of volume levels across the whole feature, than they did when this place was built decades ago.)

Sorry to get preach-y but have some fucking sense and learn to accept that you can't just do anything and everything you want. I don't even make the fucking rules, but it's going to be on my head if I let you bring him in there and we have to give out hundreds of dollars in refunds because he's screaming.

Also, sorry that this is an Ask and not a Submission. I didn't notice until I was done typing, and it won't let me copy and paste the whole thing since I'm on mobile, only one paragraph at a time.

Posted by admin Rodney

[bearw-me]

This is kinda dark so if you don't wanna do it it's cool. Can I request Carmilla running into a son reader? [Years before she had her daughters she had a son but she was too strict/serious on her boy which led to him...taking his own life. The experience made Carmilla realize she mightve been too hard on him so when hid sisters come around she showers them with love] The reader thinks carmilla is going to scold him, scream at him or anything but she just hugs him hard and tells him she's sorry and that she loves him

i'd like to put my author's note up here before you guys read what i wrote/make a little disclaimer!

TW: mentions of harm

I wouldn't write the act, per-se, but i had absolutely no problem with your request because it doesn't really involve those details (fic wise) this one is mostly about comfort and a nice reunion!

just before you go, know your best-friend mal is always here for you <3 this and every other fic i write is my silent love-letter to you

𝐍𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐆𝐨 — 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞

𐐒 includes : carmilla carmine x son!reader, odette, clara 𐐒 cw : angst, hugs, kisses, comfort 𐐒 summary : after a few decades in hell, you decide it's time to stop putting it aside and visit your mother for the first time since you've appeared in hell. as anxious as you are, she receives your visit with open arms. 𐐒 word count : 1.1 k

The metal body of the cab rattled against the broken highway, the sights of Pentagon city flashing past you in a pink florescent blur. You sighed, slumping into the leather seats.

Were you really doing this?

The thought made your stomach bubble with new found nerves. Rolling and wrenching the muscles in your stomach so hard you suddenly had to lean forward in your seat. Forced to stare at all the dust and garbage littered about the floor.

"Oh god I'm gonna be sick," you mumbled to yourself.

"Don't throw up in my car kid," the driver growled at you, suddenly adjusting his rearview mirror so that he could keep an eye on you.

You tried not to roll your eyes, taking a quick glance out of the window just in time to witness the change in districts.

"Might wanna keep your head down kid! We're in Carmine's district now," he laughed, a hoarse sound filled with cigarette smoke.

You had never actually been in this part of hell. After all these years you've been here, watching as the districts had shifted between hands in the great soul exchange. . .

All those years until you realized she had fallen here just like you.

And you didn't really know how to process that thought just yet.

The once chaotic district was now more silent.

Shadows skulking between buildings and alleyways, making deals to sell weapons and bartering for money.

You grimaced, opting to let those images blur in your mind and let your head fall against the rattling window.

What possessed you to see your mother after all these year? Who knows. . .

It just felt like it had to be done.

Soon, the tall white building had come into view, a place you heard the overlords of hell met up.

And today, Carmilla would be here, same with your-. . .

Odette and Clara.

You stepped out of the cab, soles hitting the pavement with a tap. You paid what you owed to the driver and waved a quick thanks as he sped off, the devil on his heels.

That left you alone, standing like David against Goliath with the empire she had built.

She's. . . kept herself busy.

It's all you could think about. Staring at the gleaming tiles of the building with hesitance.

What would she say to you? Should you have told her you were coming? That you were here?

The sickness that seemed to be plaguing you had come back in waves.

The last time you had remembered seeing her, you were both alive on Earth, screaming at each others faces.

"One day, mi hijo, you will have to do everything for yourself! You will have to take over the business! YOU have to carry all that burdens us and I NEED you to be ready for that! Why can't you just see that! I won't always be here for you! YOU NEED TO STEP UP TO THIS!"

But. . .

You just couldn't do everything she had wanted of you. The standards, the rules, the burden. . . it was all too heavy for one person to carry.

And now here you were, on the white-waiting room couch unannounced.

To sayy. . . what exactly?

You bit at your nails in thought, leg bouncing up and down as you waited for your name to be called.

It was pretty empty today.

No one was really sitting in here with you.

That was a great thought.

A deep, strung-out exhale shook its way out of your lungs.

Nerves, you figured.

You didn't even know what to do with your hands, running them through your hair and rocking back and forth in your seat, wondering if it was too late to just stand up and leave-

"Um. . ." You stopped completely, turning your head towards the sound of your voice.

Just before the office doors, two small sinners stood side by side, holding a clipboard up to their faces as they eyed you with surprise.

Odette and Clara.

There was no mistaking them.

"That's. . . me?" You rose from your seat like a ghost, not really feeling anything but utter surprise.

It was the first time you've ever seen them. The same cream colored hair, the same eyes, they even stood en pointe like her.

Odette and Clara.

"Come with us," Clara beckoned, her curly hair and grey skin. . . did she look like that too? Now that she was a sinner?

Thank goodness the girls turned away from you quickly, giving you just enough time to wipe a stray tear from your eye. Estranged siblings that you've never even met. . . and you were so full of emotion at just the sight of them.

Did they know who you were?

You watched them wearily, the two exchanging quick glances at each other and occasionally, at you.

"She's right in here," Clara trailed off.

Odette glanced at you through her round glasses, a hint of worry lifting her eyebrows up "She wasn't expecting you today."

"Alright," you shrugged. I mean, it was a fact you already knew, but to hear the two of them say it to you was the final slap of reality you weren't sure you entirely needed.

The two of them opened the doors for you, watching intently as you shuffled into the room, and back at each other incredulously.

"Ay dios mio, I said I didn't have time for meetings. . ." you heard her mumble, face covered by a laptop screen, hunched over and lost in her work.

It was how you remembered her.

"Mamá," you called out, finally taking a seat in front of her desk, unsure of who or what you'd find on the other side of that screen.

With that one word, she froze still, a pair of demonic red eyes peering over the top of that silver screen.

"Mamá," you said again, a choked sound now that you realized it was her.

It was actually her.

A sinner, your mother, an overlord, who was finally before you.

It was like all the things you had planned on telling her had thrown themselves together and crumbled beneath the sight of her.

"Mi hijo."

"Mamá, I know you're mad at me," the tears came without warning, and you shuffled uncomfortably in your seat, unable to keep looking at her as the sobs wracked through your body, pleading for her forgiveness "I tried my best! I tried! I-"

"Mi hijo, I'm so sorry," your mother flew into your arms, the familiarity of her love so striking that you became undone in her arms.

She cried into your neck, a sound you've never heard before "Oh mi hijo, no heavens could ever keep me away from you, never, and I and never letting you go again,"

"I love you mi hijo."

[sstardustt3]

can you please do dating johnny cade hc?

Dating Johnny Cade hcs- the outsiders

tags/warnings- brief mention of smoking, when I catch you Mr and Mrs cade when I catch those bitches, implied codependency???? (if you squint), mostly fluff, a little angst, a mean girls reference if you squint, not double-checked for grammatical errors or misspelling

authors note- masterlist and request rules coming soon??? Perhaps??? Also I’m gonna make something abt dally next I have like a whole list of characters I’m gonna write for soon

-requests and reposts are always open and welcome-

-I think Johnny probably noticed you first because I think of him as a very observant and hyper aware of like everything (which I think is cannon if I’m not mistaken which I could be)

-I don’t think he really pays attention all that much in school so he just sits and looks at people so that’s probably how he noticed you

-he didn’t make a move of a longgg time because he was under the that you were way out of his league and you just wouldn’t like him

“Just go fucking talk to them Jesus Christ”

“It’s not that easy dal, they don’t like me I told you that already.”

“Listen if you don’t go talk to them, I will.”

“No,no,no!”

-and just like that, he decided forced to go talk to you

-he was stumbling like an idiot for the first half of the conversation but he eventually got it together and you two got along fine and he even managed to get your number!

-he would probably keep you at arms length for a while, he's not the most trusting person and ontop of that he doesn't really know how to love someone properly and he really did not want to hurt you

-his only good example was the curtis parents, and soda and sandy but I don't think he hung around either of them that much. He doesn't hang out with soda much anyways so being around him and his girlfriend just felt odd and the curtis' acted more like parents when he was around. and god forbid he asks dally.

-so it definitely takes him a while to get comfortable but when he does he's a good boyfriend

-i think he definitely looked at like a lifestyle magazine and read a section on what girls like repeatedly to make sure he was doing shit right

-he loves silence sometimes, like adores it. you two have sat for hours just looking at nothing together

-no doubt in my mind there has been times the gang has walked in on yall just staring at a blank wall

"..."

"..."

"are they okay-"

"they're future psych ward patients for sure."

-on the contrary though if you yap a lot, he's also perfectly okay with that and sometimes he'll join in (especially if it's gossip)

-that being said you are in fact invited to his and ponyboys gossip sessions and you were thoroughly surprised about how much he knows (that's why his hair's so long, it's full of secrets.)

-since it's my favorite headcannon of mine that he is really good at making stuff when valentines day comes around he'll give you roses or whatever your favorite flower is made out of either legos or colored paper

-he spends a lot of time at your house and also your parents probably love him

-oh my god you two on a roof together?? smoking in the winter??? maybe a cigarette kiss???

-sorry for getting sidetracked but speaking of kisses and just general pda, I think he's not all that big on pda and I don't think he likes to get touched in general but if you do, hold him gently and I guarantee he would be as red as a tomato with the most calm face ever

-I don't think he would really know what to think about that tbh

-like he's not clueless when it comes to romance (he has dallas as a friend bffr) and he's heard all about kissing and hand holding but no one told him how good it feels to be held like something small and delicate (he'll never tell you that though)

-now, on the other hand, he's not really as nervous or shocked by kissing and as much as he's inexperienced he has the enthusiasm to make up for it, he'll catch on pretty quickly

-that being said every time he's just like standing somewhere with you or like waiting in line for something he'll like give you a peck on the cheek, hold your hand , something like that

-rounding back to him not telling you about how he feels (I know I barely mentioned it but shhhhh) I think he's not good at communication

-again he's not the most trusting person in the world and also it says in the book or at least implied(again, I could be wrong and this is not verbatim) that he is passive and quiet so he can avoid being picked out from the crowd and to just overall avoid trouble and unwanted attention

-so I think that would carry over into his relationships to avoid an argument and you being disappointed in him

-so when he's like jealous or upset about something you did he keeps it inside and when it comes out it's just a lot

-i don't think he would full on yell but he would definitely get emotional kinda like he did in the church with ponyboy in that one scene with ponyboy (Istg i can not figure out what that scene is called someone please for the love of god tell me)

-he would almost immediately apologize because as I said before he can't stand you being mad at him

i'm going to stop here i do have more thoughts in what he would be like as a boyfriend so if this gets enough attention I would be delighted to do a part 2

overall score? -8.5/10

can be a little bit of an ass, a little insecure but loves you <3

-requests and reposts are always open and welcome!-

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 27 “Spicy Gas” [Episode List] Dave and Dana try to spice things up in their sexual life.

POV: Dave

Spicy Gas

Fuck, I’m freezing in this car.

It’s worth it though: I’m picking my girlfriend up from work and we’re going back to my place together. Tim (my bro and roommate) is out of town because of some needy client so, yeah, you know where this is going: a sexy, hot, movie night until we fall asleep on the couch.

When you’re past 30, this is considered a massive win.

It’s about 7:00 PM and I parked right where Dana asked me, in the mostly desert underground car park below the office building she works at. She works (usually overtime…) in a law firm and she’s as badass as she sounds; it’s a demanding job, though she’s up for it, as she told me many times without me asking and not in a nervous way at all. 

Yes, she sounds stressed, but I know her, she’s got it, I’m here if she needs to vent. Sometimes that’s all you need and if it’s not, well, we’re just gonna talk abou- why is this car so cold?!

I hope Dana’s on her way ‘cause if she’s not she’s gonna find his boyfriend dead of hypothermia. Before picking her up, I made a quick stop to a fast food nearby to get some french fries on the fly, because my body may be a temple, but it’s a crumbling one. But not even junk food raised my body temperature. 

This is how it ends, Dana, with your handsome boyfriend being murdered by this harsh, cold Winter in his own car, a coffin made of plastic and steel.

Truth is, I was bored and tired, so I was basically falling asleep, until I heard someone tapping on the car window right next to me. That made me jump, that always startle me for some reason… and she knows it very well, given the idiotic, beautiful smile on her face.

“Hey babe.” I said from inside the car, but she could barely hear me.

She walked around the vehicle and got inside, sitting on the passenger seat, next to me. We exchanged a quick peck on the lips and I then went for the keys to start the car.

“Wait, I need a moment.” Dana said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

She wasn’t mad nor sad, she just wanted to smoke a cigarette before leaving, all while she (as I said) vented about some co-worker acting like a bitch.

“‘Do not let Bennet know about it’ I told him and guess what he did?!”

“He… he told B-“

“He told her!” she had a puff of her cigarette. “Can you believe it? Now everyone knows we’re behind schedule because that idiot had to lick my boss’ ass.”

“Wow” I replied. I swear I’m listening, I’m just a bit on auto-pilot.

And freezing.

“And my boss… oh my boss, she got so mad, and rightfully so. We could handle the schedule, we do it all the time, but no! He had to rat us out like the kiss ass he is.”

“Is that him?” I said, casually glancing at some guy walking in the empty parking lot. “I can run him over if you want to.” I joked… and I hope she knows I’m joking.

“Yes, but don’t do anything, don’t move, don’t make any sound. He’s such a kiss ass that if he notices us he’ll come here to cha- I told you not to make a sound!” she said, almost laughing, as my enormous fart cut her off. 

Yes, one of my usual farts, powered by those fries I got earlier (not that I need any particular fuel to rip a good one).

You all know what I’m capable of, my bro Tim definitely does.

I hate how warm it felt compared to the sheer cold of the car. My girl is very familiar with all of my talents, including this one. 7 seconds and I was done.

“Are you done shitting yourself?” she politely asked.

I leaned towards her and we exchanged another quick peck, but me moving meant that the gas trapped under my ass now was free to pollute the entire car.

“I’m your pig, remember?” I whispered.

“I literally never called you that.”

“Really? Must have been one of my other girlfriends then.” I joked.

She playfully slapped my shoulder and I sat back in front of the steering wheel, ready to start the car.

“Wait.”

“Oh please can we go home? I’m freezing.” I lamented.

“Just a minute…” she looked at me amused, but thoughtful. “There’s something I’d like to talk you about.” she put out her cigarette and put it in the ashtray.

“You okay?”

“Sure.” she replied, calmly.

A few seconds of silence followed. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel, waiting for her to say something.

“I actually… do like when you’re a pig.” she smiled, but still being serious and calm about it.

I gave her and inquisitive, amused look.

“Don’t judge me.” she noticed my expression.

“I’m not judging you babe.” I said. “It’s our thing, we’re very open about what we like.”

“I know… you’re awesome.”

“Of course I am.” I confirmed, with a smug smirk, fully knowing how annoying I am.

“And I, too, am awesome, thank you very much.” she added, giving me a funny scolding glare.

We laughed it off.

“So what’s up, babe?” I genuinely asked. “You know my kinks...” I leaned closer to her. “What’s your dirty secret, Mrs. D?” I whispered, trying to act cool and sexy, but all I got was another playful slap on my shoulder.

“It’s not… what you did like a minute ago.” she said, gesturing towards me.

“Oh you mean this?” I pretended to push one more fart out, but this time I actually had nothing brewing (incredible, huh?). I was amused by her reaction though. “Just kidding.” I quickly said.

She actually laughed at that.

“You’re so nice and it’s not that I like you being disgusting but… dammit, I admit that… sometimes… when we do our thing… maybe I’d like you being a bit more… dirty.”

I let out a surprisingly nervous cackle.

“That’s it? You want to spice things up?” I asked, reaching for my phone. “Because I’m pretty sure Google can give us some tips.”

She calmly but firmly extended her arm towards me. She grabbed my phone and threw it in the backseat. She then put her left hand on my jeans-clad right leg.

“If you’re cold, Mr. D” it was Dana’s turn to whisper. “I know just the way to warm you up.” 

That got me instantly aroused.

My girlfriend’s hand moved closer to my crotch, touching the tent I pitched between my legs.

“Oh… are you nervous?” she asked, gently caressing my boner, still in-character, whatever the character was.

I nodded.

Why did I nod? Am I an idiot?

With a deft movement, she untied my belt and her hand slipped right into my jeans and underwear, going straight for my hard cock.

As that happened, I let out a very short high-pitched scream, not because I wasn’t used to this, but because Dana’s hand was way colder than I was expecting. She broke character to laugh a bit at my very manly scream, then quickly went back into this femme fatale persona she was impersonating.

I was sweating.

But then I realized...

“Wait… r-right here?” I stuttered.

“Are you scared, Mr. D?” she asked. “Are you… too much of a nice guy for this?”

The fuck I am. 

I grabbed her head and kissed her, her tongue going down my throat as she wrapped her cold fingers around my warm, throbbing cock. 

I don’t know what was going down there… I mean I do know obviously, but the way Dana was moving her hand and fingers this time almost made me cum on the spot. She did in fact spice things up, so I guess I could do was return the favour... in my own personal way.

I sat back normally and spread my legs wide, my cock still being massaged, and ripped a loud, vibrating fart, a loud blast that made the entire vehicle shake. A quick 5 seconds rip which, weirdly enough, made Dana moan as she listened to it.

“You’re such a pig.” she scolded me, now literally strangling my cock, so much so that that I actually felt a bit of pain.

And I was loving the fuck out of that.

I saw a car passing by but the thought of them noticing us only made me harder.

I then ripped another big fart, because I’m the master of this shit. I could feel the vibrations of this one even on Dana’s hand as she jerked me off, something that she seemed to enjoy.

All of this was disgusting and yet we found it hot as fuck.

My girlfriend was as thirsty I was and finally managed to pull my cock out of my jeans.

“Oh there it is.” she said, leaning down to give it a quick lick. "Let me have it."

Not the first time we do this stuff obviously, but dammit that one move was indeed a dirty one. Pre-cum dripped down from the tip of my penis as I ripped another monstrous fart, the warm gas fogging up the car's windows. I was hot-boxing that whole place and my girlfriend didn’t care; instead she once again slipped her tongue down my throat.

“Time to sleep, pig.” she then whispered right into my hear, right before biting it.

After that, she strongly tightened her grip on my cock and then twisted it. I clenched my teeth as that happened, but the arousal that it gave me was insane.

That final move made me cum, a white fountain appearing between my legs as Dana bit my ear again. 

That was quick… for my standards at least, but she didn’t seem to mind at all. Actually, she was a sweaty mess herself. She licked her lips and gave me a quick peck on my own.

“Try finding that on Google.” she said, as she sat back on her passenger seat.

As if the spirit of some femme fatale left her body, she turned to me and smiled, opening the car window by her side, now realizing how terrible my gas was.

“Yeah, fuck Google, ammirite?” literally the most unsexy thing I could have said.

She handed me some napkins to clean the mess. And a cigarette, which we shared.

“Still cold?” Dana asked me, once again giving me a certain look.

I started the car in response, then I turned to her, looking straight into her brown eyes. 

I let out a loud, muffled fart that shook the seat, narrowing my eyes as I pushed it out. It was warm, it was vibrating through my jeans-clad ass. I winked at my girlfriend as the thunder kept going, something that she, against all odds, seemed to appreciate.

12 seconds, then my ass went silent.

“Are you?” I asked back to her, with a smirk.

The End

[glitterslag]

Questions for your train journey four days ago lol (I missed it)-

About BOJ, was I imagining this or did you sprinkle some sydrichie crumbs in there for us ?👀

Also, this is totally a no pressure/ expectations ask, just curious... do you think you'd ever write a sydrichie fic ? / have you been tempted to write for them ? I know they would be so delish in your style <3

Hope your journey was a nice one :)

hehe, you weren't imagining it!! There are sydrichie crumbs everywhere for those who have eyes to see........🌝

Nah but fr, I do p. much write everything sydcarmy from the view that Richie would jump at the chance to lick Syd's crumbs off the floor. Sometimes I think he's fully aware of it, sometimes I think he's in denial.

Tbh, while I do enjoy reading sydrichie fics, i think if i were ever to write anything it'd more like a love triangle or unrequited sydrichie from richie's pov, like having richie pining for syd while syd was pining for carmy. I find the whole richie carmy love-hate-jealousy-bitterness-resentment-brothers-lovers-rivals continuum really really interesting to think and write about (it might be my favourite dynamic on the show), and the way the syd of it all would factor into that could just be soooo juicy.

i actually made a good start on a more richie centric fic a while back, which was very AU-ish and had richie running a chippy in Scotland. It's very much shelved and never gonna be unshelved, but here's an extract if anyone cares cause I do really really like it:

“S’appenin’, big man?” Ebra pokes his navy blue beanie through the back kitchen entrance, dragging his cold trolley behind him. “Whit ye got for me today?” 

“Hello, Richie.” 

Cousin still won't deliver the bycatch himself, the shitebag, won’t even set foot over the threshold of this place. Sends his deckboss down here to do his dirty work now instead. Wanker. 

“How’s the prawns?” he asks Ebra, inspecting the stacked trays of lifeless, milky white fish with the tip of a HB pencil. “Good catch, was it?” 

Cod and haddock Ebra brings him — big ones today at that. FAS, but who cares about that, this isnae The Ivy. 

“Not bad, not bad.” 

“Fetch a good price, did they?” Ebra shrugs.

“Eh, you know. Could always be better.” 

Richie grins, gives the man a clap on the shoulder. 

“Wahey, that’s the attitude.”

“Busy day coming?” Richie nods. 

“With any luck, aye.” 

It’s Wednesday, so there’s not much chance of that if he’s being honest, but hey. 

“Good luck.”

“Thanks, pal. Hey, how’s it wi’ that bawbag?” 

Carmy, that means. And Richie doesn’t want to know, not really — but somehow he keeps finding himself asking after the kid anyways. 

Ebra looks grave.

“Always shenanigans, Richie. Yesterday, Norwegian coast guard, they came on board–” 

“Oh, shit!” Richie interjects. “The fuckin’ polis?” Ebra nods darkly.

“Fucking fish police, Richie. We barely hang on by a thread yesterday. You’re lucky you get any,” he says, slapping the top pallet, making the cods jiggle on the ice. “Carmen, he was huffing and puffing, smoking many cigarettes.” 

Richie chokes on a laugh. 

“Fucking fish police,” he repeats, shaking his head. “Aw fuck, whit’s he like, eh? I don't know. Rather you than me, pal.”

~~~

Richie used to go away on the boats, too, but now he works in the chippy. 

He quit once he hit forty — mostly because of all the time spent away from his wee girl, but partly because after Mike went Richie just couldnae stomach it nae mair. Literally. He can’t eat fish at all now. Always makes him spew, as if his body just rejects the stuff. 

Fak won’t eat fish either, that fucking numpty. Claims he’s never even tried it, not even fish fingers. Says it’s boggin’. To be fair, at the end of the night when they all come away stinking of it, Richie can’t say he entirely disagrees. 

Fry Life, the chip shop’s called. 

The walls are covered in a mix of Celtic and film memorabilia. Scarves and posters and t-shirts, some of them signed or limited edition. Stuff salvaged from Mikey’s old place, mostly, some of Richie’s own, some of Fak’s, all of it encased in glass in an attempt to combat the ravages of time and chip grease. 

There’s a big fuck-off Jaws poster on one wall, and a framed black and white photo of Billy MacNeill holding up the European Cup on another. The creature from Creature from the Black Lagoon is coming out from the ceiling above the counter, above Richie’s head. It’s the only thing not in glass, so when he’s standing behind the till it looks like he’s about to be ripped to shreds. Then there’s the Funko Pop! shelf, over by the window. Proper nerd shit. 

They’ve even got a couple of vintage arcade games. As in coin-ops, wee honey traps so they are. Thursday nights they do ‘Haddock-en’ — Street Fighter tournaments with deals on the food, and they get neckbeard-looking types busing up from the uni, GAMESOC or whatever it is, to play the machines. They act so fucking weird, but it’s bums on seats isn’t it, so Richie can’t really complain. 

Yeah, Richie can just about cope with the video game crowd. What he can’t stand are the tourists — they actually get those here now. Fringe festival overspill, mostly. Seems like every year it creeps further and futher up the coast, Airbnbs springing up everywhere in the wake of it. Fucking disgusting. Pretty lucrative business, too, or so Richie’s heard. Ask Jimmy. That fucking parasite. 

Yeah, the shop managed to get featured on some food Instagram account and now they sometimes get posh folk coming in on their working class safaris, taking photos and talking in their grating English voices. The caffs-not-cafés crowd. People who’re used to paying like nine quid for a pint and a packet of scampi fries. 

Yeah, tourists are the worst, especially the ones fae Edinburgh. Dunediners, that’s their proper name — Richie’s maw always insisted on calling them that. Carmy went down there for uni and now he’s the worst too. 

Came back prissy and up his own arse — worse than before — and bisexual. And hey, Richie got off with a drag queen once in CC Blooms, so you know, it’s whatever. He’s all for it. It’s just, of course Carmy would be bisexual. Art school prat. Summers were the worst — Carmy’d come out on the boats, spew his guts up for the first week straight every time, guaranteed. Never was built for it. 

Nah, Edinburgh’s nice, though. Him and Mikey lived down there for a while when they were both young, worked in bars and whitnot. It was before the fishing, before duty pulled them back. Shit, they used to have fun. Hive till five, or end up in a casino or a random gaff or some seedy spot in The Pubic Triangle. 

Once, they’d been so fucked they’d both ended up shagging a bird each in the same hotel room, Mikey and some girl on the bathroom counter and Richie and some ginger bird on one of the twin beds, and then afterwards they’d all jumped in the shower together and smoked a joint in the steam, laughing hysterically. 

It wasn't always like that, though. One night, they’d climbed up Arthur’s Seat in the dark and sat waiting for sunrise, passing a bottle of whisky back and forth and talking about their future, what they’d be. 

“Hello? Hello?”

Richie’s head snaps up. There’s an old guy in a blue Berghaus puffer standing at the counter, looking impatient. 

“Sorry pal, I was miles away.”

Richie sniffs, gets to plugging in the man’s sausage supper on the till. 

“You said large, yeah?”

“Aye, please.”

“Nine-twenty, pal.”

The guy sucks his teeth, fishing in his pocket. 

“Christ, that’s gone up.”

“S’all gone up,” Richie says, tapping at the sign behind him when the guy tries sticking a blue RBS debit through the glass. CASH ONELY. Fucking Fak spelt it wrong and Richie still can’t be fucked to change it. “Fuckin’ Brexit, eh?”

“S’at right?” the guy says, jangling for change in his wallet. “Thought it was s’posed to be good for the fishing? Nae mair foreign boats in our waters, and all that.”

Richie shrugs. 

“You tell me, pal.” 

He slams the till and turns away to chuck a large chips in the fryer. 

“I’ve never had a problem with you Polish,” the guy says then, hanging over the counter to call after him across the spit of the oil and the hum of the fridge. “Hard workers.” 

Ah, Christ, here we go. Richie forces a smile over one shoulder. 

“Ha, aye yeah, we are.”

“I never voted for it, like,” he adds quickly. 

Hot oil licks at Richie’s forearms, just an annoyance by now. He sneaks another glance behind him. The guy’s jacket is ugly. It’s that petrolly-navy colour every da wears, the padding synthetic with its quilt lines unfashionably thin. 

“D’you hear about that one they found down on the beach?” he’s saying now. 

“What’s that, pal?” Richie says, wearily.  

“Some young lassie, apparently. Come off a lifeboat they reckon it was.”

“Havnae heard anyhin’ aboot that.”

Richie’s keen to shut this conversation down, but apparently yer man’s not quite finished waxing poetic about immigration, because he says, “I’ll tell you who it is always causin’ trouble.”

Fuck me. 

Just in time, he shovels the chips into a fresh polystyrene tray and tongs two battered sausage out the warmer. 

“It’s never your lot. It’s them damn p-” 

“Salt and vinegar, pal?” Richie interrupts, loudly, shooting the guy a stern look. The guy nods, sheepish. 

“Aye, yeah, go on.” 

Richie wraps his food in silence, thrusts it at him without so much as a thanks. He takes it with a curt nod, pops a guilty 50p in their tip jar before he scarpers. 

Richie blows a big raspberry up at the browning drop tile, eyeing the grease-spotted flaga Polski that’s currently tacked there to hide a missing bit. Fortunately and unfortunately, it’s been quite the twat barometer. 

He scoffs, fishing the 50p back out. As if he’s taking a penny of that degenerate’s money. Blood money. 

“Neil Geoff,” he yells through the back, where dickhead in question is cleaning the rumbler. “You want half a quid?”

“Eh?”

Fak pokes his fat head through the strip curtain. 

“Here,” he says, handing him the silver coin with no explanation, and Fak’s face lights up like the fucking castle at Christmas. Richie ruffles Fak’s hair under his greasy cap. “Don’t spend it all at once, ye dafty.”

[atmilliways]

Wrong On The Money (25)

part 25 of ?? | 653 words | Teen+

Blackmail fic on Ao3 | on tumblr

Summary:

“You had a really bad fever, you’ve been sleeping it off for a day and a half,” Lucas adds unprompted. Probably because Steve hasn’t asked. “The bites got infected. Fair warning, Robin is really mad at you for letting that happen.”

25.

The first person Steve sees upon waking is Lucas, bruised all to hell. 

“It’s okay,” Lucas says quickly, standing and moving closer. “Steve, it’s okay! Vecna’s dead. You’re in the hospital, everyone’s here, everyone’s fine.”

Steve looks to his left and sees Eddie, asleep in the next bed over. “Ed,” he mumbles with a sluggish tongue. 

Brown curls, denim, cigarette and weed smoke, Bambi eyes, tattoos, exaggerated movements, and big words. Red on Steve’s hands, the taste of blood. He isn’t supposed to be so still.

Lucas falters, then rallies. “He’s gonna be okay. You got him out, Dustin told me all about it.”

Reassured by those words (and the steady beep of machines from that side of the room), Steve looks back at Lucas. “Max?”

Piercing glares, skateboard wheels on concrete, and the threat of a lawyer that he knows is a bluff but caves to anyway. Hanging in the air above the cemetery, crying after she falls. If that monster crumpled her like tissue paper, it’ll break Steve too.

Wincing, Lucas tells him. About Max’s broken arm, and the fight with Jason, and Andy tackling Erica in the park across from the Creel house. About Dustin’s sprained ankle. About Mike coming back with the Byers boys and some guy named after a sweater pattern in a pizza van, and Joyce turning up with an emaciated Hopper and that sarcastic conspiracy dude a day later. 

He promises not to tell anyone that Steve cries at hearing Hopper is alive after all. 

“You had a really bad fever, you’ve been sleeping it off for a day and a half,” Lucas adds unprompted. Probably because Steve hasn’t asked. “The bites got infected. Fair warning, Robin is really mad at you for letting that happen.”

Day and a half my ass, Steve thinks, because despite all that sleep he feels exhausted. But everyone’s okay. . . . They even got someone back, and that’s a fucking first. 

“And I didn’t even have to get a concussion this time,” Steve says with a smile that falters just as much as Lucas’. He feels shaky, fragile, and hates it, because he doesn’t want to break in front of one of the kids. 

Lucas offers a strained grin. “Guess I inherited that along with your basketball skills.”

“No, seriously? You’re stealing that from me too, Sinclair? It’s like nothing is sacred anymore.” 

And he’s trying so hard, but he’s so tired. He’s trying to sound light but his voice breaks in the wrong direction when the inflection is supposed to come out light and a little sarcastic. 

“You okay?” Steve whispers around the lump in his throat. The answer is obvious, he has eyes, but he wants to give the kid the option of how seen he wants to feel. These kids never seem to get any choices in all this shit, beyond survive or don’t. 

Lucas spends a moment looking everywhere but at him, but then—“No.”

So Steve motions him over, does his best to give Lucas the kind of hug he always needed after everything was over, but never got until the third time around gave him Robin. Because he gets Lucas’ desire to fit in, to appease the popular crowd in the hopes of being allowed to just be—except it’s never enough, you either wake up and get out or stay in and lose sight of who you wanted to be in the first place, and at least Lucas handled that part better than Steve had. He gets the way Lucas worked so hard to protect Max and his sister, protect all the people in his life who matter, and mostly succeeded but came close enough to failure to fuel the nightmares. 

And he’s so, so proud of the kid for not trying to fake being fine now that it’s over, as though what happened didn’t still matter and what he’d done, what he’d sacrificed was nothing.

[astarfornicks]

The first and only chapter of a fic i never finished -

This was a long time ago and I haven’t written in ages |

When I stepped outside that night, the air carried a hint of rebellion and a taste of freedom that lingered on my tongue. I was begging for a night away—away from my brothers and their square rules. I dig running away. I really do. The nights I'm sleepless or the nights I'm sleepy; it doesn’t matter. It feels the same nonetheless.

“Hey, Dallas.” I said, “Toss me a weed, will you?”

Dallas always hung around the park those days. Probably because I was there about every night.

He sat under the same tree every time, too. It was a routine.

“Ver, man, go home. It’s about the hundredth damn time you’ve been out here. You got people waiting for you on the other side.” Dallas huffed.

“I never heard anybody but me say they liked it on the East side. Not even y’all. It’s like my break, Dal. It’s rough. Everywhere. Not as good as you’d think in the West.” I uttered. “I think it’s time you start believing me when I say I like it here.”

After an eternity, Dallas caved and passed me a smoke. These nights were only two things: disgusting and freeing. Say to tell the two things apart now, and I wouldn’t know what to tell you.

I continued, “It’s almost six. Have you been here this entire time?”

“Got a few minutes of sleep on that very bench you’re on. Damn raccoons can’t keep their hands off me, man.”

I took a puff, chuckling a bit. Dallas was the man. People knew him all over town, and he sure was what he lived up to. Rowdy, criminal, and last of all, charming.

“Now, you better get back, Ronnie. West side is gonna freak when they find out you’re not there, man. Even worse, if you’re here.” Dallas said, “You got school, too.”

“And how come you don’t?” I spat back.

“Hey, you know.”

“Right, you don’t wanna go, is that it? And I'm stuck there.” I said, lifting, then dropping my arm in defeat.

Dallas chuckled, “You don’t wanna be like me, trust me. Now get!”

I laughed, smiling afterwards and turning my back. “Alright, alright, Dallas. I’m going.” Flinging the cigarette behind me, I asked him one more thing.

“Tomorrow, here, late?”

“You’re really something, Ver. See you.”

That meant yes.

I walked back to the West side in the early sun, hoping that the mere shadows of the trees would hide me from the eyes of anyone passing or watching me from some window.

I thought back to Dallas Winston. Before I got to know him, he was just some no-good hoodlum, a real greaser in my eyes. He was no better than any other criminal I’d seen. But as I spent more time with him, I realized there was more to Dallas than met the eye. He had that wild and rebellious spirit, always up to some mischief or another. His past ran deep in him. In some way that I didn’t want to admit, I also admired him in some sort of sense. Sharp and cool; who wouldn’t?

Still half lost in thought, I snuck into my bedroom window through a tree. As I could finally sit on my plush bed, I thought about my future long and hard. I was a girl with all the breaks. Money in the bank, top grades in school, what more could a gal like me ask for? It seemed like my destiny was carved in stone, clear as day for all to see.

I still had my cigarette in my hand and was itching for a smoke. Stepping away, sticking my head out my bedroom window, I took a slow, thoughtful drag from my cigarette. It was a tough life in this town. I had friends, some enemies, some people I loved more than anything.

No one more than Tommy, though. Tommy was my kid brother, only one year younger than me but a whole lot smarter. Both socially and academically, I’d say. He was there for me always, through thick and thin. He was fun, serious mostly, but fun. Tommy kind of grounded me like that—telling me what to do and how to do it, where to go and who to be with. It's just what he’d do, worrying about me and all that stuff. Things that I didn’t usually do on my own.

I had one older brother, but he was busy at college and I only got to see him during breaks. He was the rowdy kind, almost like me—nothing like Tommy—but I never got along with him as well. Opposites attract, people say. I didn’t care about that sort of stuff until Tommy started yapping on about it. Then I believed it, cause that was one of the only times I’d listened.

I closed my eyes and imagined a life; a life that was perfect and the one that was expected of me. It was nice, no doubt about it. I would’ve never got out of my thoughts if I didn’t hear someone holler my name from the street.

“Ver! Veronica!” I heard, with a waving Sherri looking straight at me. I hid my weed, wishing more than anything she hadn’t seen it. I was ashamed of my habit, just ‘cause I was raised not to do stuff like that.

“Hi, Cherry.” I said back, cracking a smile. Cherry was one of my good girl-friends, one I could really talk to sometimes when I needed an ear. She got the types of things I said for the most part—the things about life being tough and the real things out there in the world.

She squinted at me and smiled for a second before walking away. It was finally about time I started to walk to my bathroom to get ready. I curled my hair, did my makeup, and I was off to school—one place I dreaded like a prisoner facing his cell.

………………………..

I sat bothered and bored for most of the school day. Sure, I got good grades, but I didn’t do anything other than what they asked of me. Besides, if my grades slipped, I’d probably die from my parents before anything ever got to me. And I really wasn’t itching to experience any of that. Not one bit.

I stepped out of school with my other girl-friends, which included Cherry and a few other girls. Cherry and I ran tight, even in a crowd. I had my arm around her and she was leaning her head on my shoulder as we walked. She must’ve been real worn.

“Cherry, how would you like to catch a movie with me later?” I asked her.

“Oh, Ver, I’m not sure. I’ve got a whole lot of homework and you know how my parents are. They’re always complainin’ and I can’t stand it anymore.” She went on and on about her parents, as she always did. They were nothing but difficult people, the sort that grated on your nerves and had no business raising children.

“I’ll do it for you, Cherry. It’s time for you to get out. You could use some time out of there. Nothing big.”

“No, no, Ver. I ought to do it myself—really. I’ll ask my parents, too. It’s a Friday anyways.”

I nodded as I hugged her and watched her walk to her car. She was real pretty, a head-turner, a chick that had all the boys trailing behind her. And I would’ve said I was happy for her if I didn’t know she was dating Bob: some stuck up, deranged boy who jumped innocent kids and didn’t even care. I remember how disappointed I was the day she told me about him. I knew his type, his gang, and the kids he beat on.

I strolled towards the back of the school, where I always parked my car. It was a real nice red Thunderbird. My parents got it for me for my 16th birthday, and I’d treasured it ever since.

The moment I was about to drive off, I caught a few footsteps running behind me.

“Hey, baby. Nice car you got there,” the voice called out, dripping with a mischievous charm that I recognized all too well. When you’re all on your lonesome and have nothing to do, you can talk to Dallas—sometimes. Problems start when anything’s different. I glanced over my shoulder, catching a glimpse of him leaning casually against my car, a devilish grin playing on his lips.

“Bye, Dallas.” I replied, rolling my eyes.

“No good Soc.” I heard him mutter. Every time I thought he got past the fact, I was proven wrong.

I drove off, more upset and irritated by the situation than I wanted to be. Dallas Winston was a wild spirit, untamed and unapologetic. The world was his playground, and he played by his own rules. There was something about his reckless abandon, a charm that even I couldn't deny, that pulled me in.

I remembered the first time I met him. Coincidentally, it was also the first time I’d snuck out— and what I thought would’ve been my last. That time, I didn’t travel anywhere off of my turf. It was really Dallas who was out of his territory, trying to vandalize some guy’s car. I sat on our park’s bench; the one on the West side, I mean. Dallas was no one I cared about. He was a nobody to me, a hoodlum, and I would’ve had no idea I’d ever run into him. Hell, I really didn’t even know what he looked like.

Not until I’d been startled by some loud ruckus nearby. It should’ve been my cue to leave, but I don’t listen— not to anyone, not to myself, either. He’d been beaten. I could recall it vividly—the bruises on his face, the casual ease with which he settled down beside me. He asked for a smoke; in return, I had asked him what happened. I sure wished I was spared the details. Boy, were they gruesome.

When he got up, I posed him one last question: his name.

“Dallas. Dallas Winston.”

I sat there, dumbfounded and stunned, like I had just seen a ghost. I felt a surprising mix of curiosity and caution about him from that point on. Some things about Dallas I knew— I didn’t know a lot, but he always striked me as someone that no one really knew anything about. He had a rough past, grew up in New York, first had gotten arrested at ten; I heard that from talking to him. I also knew Dallas Winston always got what he wanted— everyone knew that.

[mysticbeaver]

2, 6, 7, 8, 14, 15, 18, 19 for Eddy (I know I'm too late, but I would like to know, please).

Thanks for the ask!!! No worries about it being late:) Good to chat (even if I talk a load of bologna 😁)

Under the cut

2.Favorite canon thing about this character?

Because I can't think of anything better right now, I'll say his seemingly vintage taste in music. Although maybe it ties in with everything he owns being vintage hand-me-downs. And on second thought, it's hard to say if Barry White and Tom Jones are supposed to be old-school in-universe, considering the kids' idea of party music is 60s surf rock haha.

6.What's something you have in common with this character?

You know, I always think I'm mostly an Ed and an Edd, but then I think "maybe we all have the three Eds deep down inside of us 😁" guess I sometimes like to imagine situations in which I could be a show off/be funny in front of an audience... A very Eddy desire.

7.What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

I always love older fanart of him just having that slightly disheveled look and maybe smoking a cigarette, looking cool 😁 makes me imagine him with that slightly chiller demeanor (assuming he grows out some of his temper and controls his euphoria whenever he's got some big idea hehe)

8.What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

Boring answer, but like everyone else I have not much interest in negative adult Eddy portrayals where the creator blatantly doesn't take the BPS developments into account. Give this kid a chance for chrissakes! Thankfully this is limited to some more, ahem, 'casual' fans 👀

14. Fashion aesthetic for this character.

In my lack of fashion sense, I'm just gonna mention a picture in my mind...leather jacket? (Maybe because of @torra-and-the-toons 's design?) Coupled with worn baggy jeans...

And is it weird I can see Eddy looking good in that sweater/collar-shirt combo if he were to dress more elegant? I swear I've seen it somewhere in fanart. Or him just wearing a hoodie... Is there look Eddy can't pull off??? Talk about a stubby no-neck chump 😎

15. Favorite ship?

It's... EddEddy, isn't it. Interestingly, it was never my OTP, and I wasn't interested in it when I first got in the fandom, but I slowly made myself learn to appreciate it. Nowadays it's certainly a ship I "default" to with those two characters. On the other hand I once went through a KevEddy phase... I still have a soft spot for it (no doubt thanks to lovely fanart by @mar-saturn and @chocowhomps ). It's also very interesting to me that there's at least 3 people I know of currently in the fandom (or who were actively in the fandom in the last year or so) who managed to ship both EddEddy and KevEddy, mmm 🧐...

18. Relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

First thing that comes to mind is his brief mentoring of Jimmy, even if it's a negative influence. "They grow up so fast... *dries tear*" And his one-on-one friendship with Ed is interesting to think about, especially how it might have started considering Edd supposedly came a little later in the picture (not by much though as they were still very young)

Also his crush on Nazz is kinda cute... I headcanon they'll be easy friends once they're a little older :)

19. Relationship they have in canon with another character that you don't like?

Honestly I'm stumped! Can't think of anyone right now haha. Maybe his disrespect of Rolf's culture/hospitality, if that's a thing? But I can't say if that's necessarily despicable or just part of the character's writing in certain episodes, or what.

Thanks for the ask again!

[writingnarrative]

Starting Over (2)

Captain Price x Soap MacTavish

Previous

That night, in the hotel, Soap dreams of his past life. It’s thankfully pleasant, mostly going through his time with the teammates from his past. When Ghost and Roach were both alive, together in harmony much before their death. Short moments before separation with Johnny and Captain Price, and even after the gulag. He only woke up when his name started to strangely be repeated by Price- it turned out to be Ghost trying to wake him up.

“C’mon, mate, we’ve got an early flight.” Ghost backs away from him and returns to packing his bag, which doesn’t take long. When he’s done, he watches Soap not pack- but pick up his journal and start jutting things down. “Another memory?” It’s not the first time he’s seen this happen, of course.

After a minute, Soap pockets the journal into his duffel bag. “More or less. I’ve… I’ve never seen these before.” He wishes he could have remained longer, but as of now, those memories serve as false leads and roads into his new life. “How am I even gonna begin telling the team about this? Only people I’ve ever told were my maw, pa, the priest and you…”

Ghost shrugs. “Dunno. Can’t even begin to understand what you’re going through, Johnny. I don’t remember my past life.” He sounds truthful, and Soap feels just a little bit bad in this case. “Be honest, don’t leave anything out. Details could be crucial without you knowing, y’know?”

Yeah, like how I used to be romantically involved with my captain. “Of course.” He wouldn’t tell them about that, there isn’t much of a point.

...

With a new player in the field, there isn’t much time to relax. A short leave was on the table for the team: two weeks, then they’d be right back in the fire. Everyone left to go to their homes or the flats given to them by the SAS. Price remained at the base, as did Soap- for an easier conversation.

“Remind me again why you aren’t on leave like the others?” Price asks him once everyone’s gone. His arms are crossed and he’s got a very curious look on his face. “Even Ghost left- and that’s surprising after everything.”

Soap follows his captain down the corridor, fiddling with his hands behind his back. “Wanted to talk to you about something, sir. I haven’t… haven’t been entirely honest with you, or anyone here for that matter.” They stop. Price takes place leaning on a wall, Soap copies his stance and leans on the opposite. “My file says I don’t remember my past life. It’s false. I remember every bit of it up until my death.”

Price’s eyes widen slightly and the grip he holds on his forearms releases. “Your past life?” Soap nods in affirmation, looking down at the ground. “I see why you’d lie. It’s illegal to mix the two. Why don’t we head to my office and talk about this? Ignore ears that could be lingering, hm?”

It’s just recruits and privates that are lounging around the base, but it’s understandable. Soap nods and follows Price again. It’s not long until they reach the captain’s office- the door’s lock turns. Soap takes one of the seats while Price takes his main, also fishing out a cigar- two. “Care for one?”

Johnny doesn’t smoke, or he hadn’t before joining up with the 141. He found comfort in cigarettes and later on, cigars. When Price was locked within the gulag, he found himself buying the captain’s favorite cigars and smoking them. Little time to enjoy them, it was a simple copy of action.

“Why not.” Soap takes the cigar and pulls a lighter out of his pocket, he starts to carry after people around him begin asking for lights- mostly Ghost. He places it between his lips and lights it, feeling it around in his mouth before exhaling the smoke. A troubled look passes his eyes- because he recognizes the taste. “Montecristo.”

Price looks surprised- because Soap doesn’t smoke here, he just provides the light and looks as if he enjoys the smell of the smoke. “You know your cigars?” Soap shakes his head, reeling his expression to fall back into a neutral state. “Your past self, then?” A nod. “These started to get released in 1935, so your past self is recent… and that’s why you were hesitant to say anything.”

The story starts then. Soap starts from the beginning, spilling his past self’s story- only leaving out romantic details. He talks about growing up in Scotland, joining up the military to follow in his cousin’s footsteps and falling into the SAS later on in his life. Soap’s face grows hard when he begins to talk about Task Force 141, with Roach, Ghost, Price and Gaz- the other versions of them. How Gaz had died in front of him, shot by a Russian prick named Zakhaev. The betrayal with Shepherd is more of the same, but ending with Roach and Ghost shot and burned by that same man. Makarov is a key player, much like now- and he’s a reason for Soap’s demise in 2011. 

Price sits silently throughout, listening intently. He doesn’t make any moves to write anything down- like he should, or call Laswell. Soap stops at his death, for obvious reasons. “I didnae say anythin’ about Shepherd at first because that’s insubordination and betrayal. What if I had been wrong? What if Shepherd hadn’t betrayed us?” Soap puts the cigar back in his mouth, letting it sit there for a moment before sighing and releasing smoke. “Ye can thank Ghost for me comin’ to ya about it. I wasn’t planning on it… even with Makarov in play. Because I sound off my heid- sayin’ my life ended in 2011.”

There is an uncomfortable silence for a minute or two. Soap can see the gears in Price’s head turning, probably trying to figure out what to do in this scenario. It’s not like officers are taught what to do with soldiers that have an issue like this. Especially when it ties to future events, or present events. What he does, eventually, say surprises Soap and causes him to choke on the smoke he exhales. “I was worried you didn’t remember, MacTavish.”

[bacotri]

Rooftop Girl

I woke up on the bed again. It's the same room, same building, same atmosphere, all over. Cursing myself, I wanted to go back to sleep, but my clothes are uncomfortable enough that I decided I'd go to bath.

Often at times like this I'd scramble myself out and go straight to the rooftop. Uncomfortable clothes means sunlight, and sunlight means I can go up top. There'd always be a girl, smoking up there, and I like talking to her.

As per usual my dreams was realistic and boring. It's always either middle school, or high school. Some of them even blend the two. They always have my friends on them, faces all blurry but recognizable. I hate it, I want to dream something fantastical.

I want to wake up as a detective on some foreign land. Half-dead after a bender and reeks of alcohol. But duty calls and I have to solve some murder.

Or maybe take me to some ancient and evil land. Where I have to survive and battle giant lizards and flaming dragons. In the end I'd marry a princess or save a kingdom.

Anything, anything but the mundane.

"Hey, you again," said the girl on the rooftop.

Her name is Helen, but she doesn't like to be called that. We settled on "rooftop girl" since it's obscuring enough while describing her so much. Helen loves dragging cigarettes and leaving the butts for the cleaning crew to painstakingly pick up.

"I knew you'd be up here," she continued.

"Whatever, I'm here to tan." I sat down near the fences. "They still haven't banned you from those, huh?"

"They can't, and these aren't your usual smokes, too." She drags a smoke and throw one of the butts down to the field below.

"That's gonna hit someone, someday," I said nonchalantly.

"Nobody's been down there since ages, Ko." She lights up another cigarette.

We didn't talk after that. The bags under her eyes feel comforting to me. Her ruffled hair and overall tired look makes me want to protect her at all costs.

"How was... your sleep last night?" I asked, surprised at myself for asking that.

"Huh? It's fine I guess. I didn't sleep much." she said.

"So am I."

"Bullshit, or you'd be here since seven. You just got here because it's hot inside, right?"

"Yeah, you got me. But I dreamt of that thing again last night, might as well be awake."

"But you did shut your eyes and dreamed. That's sleep alright. Me, a creature of the night, I don't sleep at all."

"You're saying that if you were to sleep now, you'd have an awesome dream, don't you?"

"What the hell?" She laughed. "No, I don't dream. Mostly just blank screen and then an alarm blazing afterwards. That's why I hated sleep, maybe that's why this insomnia is haunting me as well."

That's scary to think about, right? Imagine being locked in a position where all you have is yourself and an imagination. You'd have nothing to do but dream.

But to have no dream at all, means not even a shadow on the wall from the fire is present. It's emptiness and tomorrow afterwards.

Sun is setting, and we have to come down again. Our rooms awaits us, and the night is a finicky master. She'd serve us sleep however she liked it. Sometimes not at all.

I stared at the ceiling of my room, waiting for sleep to come. The rooftop girl, Helen, probably didn't sleep like she said. Reminds me of an old friend I had whose obsessed with coffee.

He's a lightweight when it comes to caffeine, though. Just a sip and he won't be able to sleep. It's from him that I got an inkling that dreams need rest too. That after a few nights of non-sleep, those where you lay your head and suddenly woke up the next day, the dreams are so far removed from reality.

The next morning, I had a talk with Law, a doctor, my friend. He berated me for not sleeping.

"Think of your own health, Ko," Law said while rubbing his glasses.

"I'd go insane if I keep going like this, Law."

"You'd go insane regardless. But please, at least for the sake of me, would you just... endure this."

"I know, but you can't coop me in here like some lab rat."

"I can't do anything about it Ko, they told me that it'd get sorted out soon, but you know how they are."

"Can we settle, at least let me trace the perimeter of the building."

"No, too dangerous. You and that Helen girl are the only two hopes we have."

"I want to feel the grass again, Law."

"Soon, Ko."

I hate mornings like this. Helen hates it too. That bond is unbreakable, if you don't know it yet.

The beginning of all circle of friends are not just mutual "like" of something. Sure, that might be the case for some groups, but more often than not there's something we all hate. Hatred is a connective tissue, it promotes gossip.

It makes stories.

"What if I go, Ko?" Said Helen that day.

"Go as in..."

"Go away. Fly out of this building and just disappear."

"I think it'd be the best, right?"

She didn't even look at me as she said that. Her eyes fixated on the sky. Granted, the sky looks very pretty today.

"But you can't." I sit myself closer to her this time.

"It's a what-if, that means anything can happen," she said.

"Well, in that case you'd go, and we wouldn't see each other again," I replied.

"That makes it sound sad, Ko. I've replayed the answer over and over again in my head, and it never sounded as sad as your words. Even though they're the same words."

"I mean it would be sad considering you're leaving me behind."

"You don't even consider going with me."

"Why would I?"

Helen then made a frame out of her fingers, and point it at me. Her cigarette blew smoke out.

"Ko, I got you in a frame now. Now you exist between these fingers." She then moved the frame away from me, towards the coming sunset. "Now you're not. But are you still there?"

"I am, I guess. You just took me out of the frame."

"Then in this case, are you going with me, or not?"

"I don't know... in spirit?"

"Yeah. In spirit. A shadow of you."

The ambers from Helen's dying cigarette flies away. Sunset is coming, and she held my hand as we move back in.

"I've resigned from ever wanting to get out of here, Ko." Helen and I walk down the staircase. "From the first day of quarantine, they told us that we're special, and that this is going to be just like home."

"The first day, huh? That's like, what, a year ago?" I asked rhetorically.

"We've lost a lot of people. They couldn't withstand the daily tests. Only the two of us left."

"It's funny that out there there's a real disease, actually killing people, all death-tally and world-shaping, and we're here dying of boredom."

"Funny is a funny word to frame it."

We reached the doors to our dorms. It was a dorm before, but now it's more of a large single room. We were separated by sex, so Helen and I never had time to sleep together.

That doesn't mean her and I haven't had time to lay together. Lay, because I never could sleep beside her. I've always wanted to feel how it feels to wake up next to her. I would spend all of the night examining her features, the way the shadow lands on her beautiful mixture of blond hair and firm lines, or just how on each breath that she takes my soul flies.

The next morning I wake up in a boat, floating over a dark shadowy ocean. I rubbed my eyes, pinched my cheek, do everything I needed to confirm reality. It's no use, this is real.

Law is there with me. Sitting on a wooden stool, overlooking the paddles.

"Law... where are we?" I asked.

"Law, must be the name of this vessel." The voice from the figure is not Law's. It's rough, like someone who has been at sea for years on end. "I'm sorry boy, the man you call Law is not here anymore."

"Then who are you?"

"The caretaker."

"Don't joke with me now."

"Your culture named me The Caretaker. Although my duty is not to care, just to take... that was an example of a joke, if you could call it that."

He turned his head slowly to look at me. His eyes a deep blue ocean. Although what he wore and the shape of his body all resembles Law. There is no trace of Law in him.

"I'm sorry, boy named Koda. This is it, your journey ends here. Once you get off, you end," said the figure.

In hindsight I must've looked pathetic in front of him. Babbling and crying about the missed opportunities I had. The Caretaker nodded and listened to every tearful complaints I have. But to him, there is nothing else to do. Crying is a natural reaction to things like these.

"Every time you come here, you always do this. No matter the face, no matter the life, there's always a reason to return." The Caretaker paddles slowly. "I guess it's a benefit of life, to see things in a positive light almost all of the time. To think that time itself is a linear path, and that there is a future to achieve."

I sat there silently after running out of tears.

"You will return again, another name, another chance. You will meet her again, in another sense. Such a shame that no amount of repeat will ever make you remember." Our little boat reaches a shore.

The Caretaker told me to get off of his boat, and that he'll be back waiting for me again. I don't know what it means, but I only have one thing on my mind. Whatever shadow lies behind the light I'm going to, I will see her again.

[kirieshhhka003]

Number 19 yandere prompt for Jotaro part 3 please ❤️

A/n: I decided to change the prompt a little bit, bc I just couldn’t make my mind up what I should write for

Pairing: yan! Jotaro Kujo x fem! Reader

Prompt: You can’t find your clothes? That’s a shame. But you can wear mine. They look better on you anyways

Warnings: soft yandere, yandere behavior, kinda modern au?

1k followers event

Event status: closed

You are literally thrumming with excitement. And god, how can you not? It’s the first time you’re gonna have a sleepover with your boyfriend Jotaro!

Oh, you have planned to do so much fun stuff! First of all, you’re gonna have a skincare routine together. Even though Kujo grumbles about how stupid and useless it’s all, he loves when you fuss over him, putting on different masks and creams on his face. Then you’re gonna watch that one movie you had on your mind for so long. And then, before going to bed, maybe Jotaro will give you a goodnight kiss? Oh, the thought makes your heart flatter

When the last lessons finally ended you literally ran out of classroom, heading down to the first floor and quickly changing your school shoes on the street sneakers, barging out of the building. You notice Jotaro standing next to the gates, smoking as usual, and you walk briskly towards him, greeting brunette with a wide smile. You notice how the corners of teen’s lips go up slightly (something only you and sometimes Kakyoin are honored to see) and he grabs your heavy backpack, turning around and heading to his house

The whole way to Jotaro’s home you spent chit-chatting (well, mostly you talking about your day and brunette humming and leaving short comments here and there) so you didn’t notice how you two reached your destination. You were greeted by mrs Holly - unbelievably marvelous woman with such a caring and kind heart. She gave you a big tight hug, saying how glad she is that her son is dating with such a precious girl like you are. Jotaro scoffed quietly at Holly’s words, tugging on the brim of his hat and heading to his room, you jogging right behind him

And now you’re rummaging in your backpack, trying to find your changing clothes. Well, your shorts and thin tank-top are in place, but your hoodie seems to be nowhere. You’ve searched through all of your stuff a few time but still - no hoodie to be seen. It’s autumn and it’s pretty chill in Jotaro’s house, and knowing your poor health you’re definitely gonna end up with a common cold in the morning

- Jotaro, have you seen my hoodie? The pink one? I definitely put it in my backpack, I remember that, but it’s gone! Maybe I left it somewhere around the house? - you ask turning around, noticing that he’s been watching you from behind all this time. It’s not like you picked up those exact shorts on purpose because they cling to your butt so tightly, making your bottom look even more appetizing, definitely not

Jotaro is sitting saucily on the large windowsill, smoking another cigarette (he’s been smoking too much lately, you gotta chide him for that later) , turquoise eyes are glued to your tiny body, looking at your bare shoulders and upper part of chest that your skimpy tank top exposes. Teen slightly shrugs his shoulders, flicking the ash from his cig on the ashtray standing next to him on the windowsill

- Gosh, why are you fretting about it so much? Just take one of mine, it’s gonna look on you better anyways, - Jotaro mutters in his usual manner, taking a long deep puff, holding grey smoke in his lungs for a few seconds, then exhaling it into the open window. Bright blush streaks across your cheeks at those words, but he definitely has a point, you like how his clothes look on you too

You make your way to the big wardrobe standing in the corner of Jotaro’s room, opening one door and your eyes wander through numerous shelves with all of teen’s neatly folded clothes (most likely by Holly, your boyfriend has never been the tidiest person). You spot one familiar black garment, carefully taking it out of the pile and unfolding it. You see a picture of Mickey Mouse on the chest area and smile faintly to yourself (who could have thought that school’s number 1 hooligan would have something like that in his wardrobe)

You pull the hoodie over your head, literally sinking in the soft fabric, the hem almost reaches your knees and your fingers can’t be seen because of long sleeves. But what’s most important - the scent. You nuzzle into the collar of the garment, taking a deep breath in - Jotaro has worn it, you can tell by the musky wooden smell of his cologne which makes you feel giddy. You rise your eyes on brunette, he watches you intently and you don’t miss the way his eyes glimmer

- How do I look? - you ask timidly, adjusting the hood on your back. You notice Jotaro’s Adam’s apple run up and down on his strong neck, he doesn’t even blink, watching at your small body engulfed in the soft warm fabric

- Perfect, - the only thing Jotaro says, and it makes your heart pummeling in your chest. Few next second you spend looking each other in the eyes silently, butterflies flare within both of your stomachs

Who knows how that would end up if Holly didn’t call you for the lunch

[horrorscoupes]

posting this during a lecture but hehehe

imperium angel/davey i think itd be funny if they met briefly before he died

cw: smoking mostly

“We’re traveling up north to watch Damien inherit the entire Imperium,” They scratched the center of their palm, fingers twitching for what was probably another cigarette. “And then he’s gonna announce to the entire world how he intends to take me as his consort.” 

David didn’t understand, and he said as much. Their annoyance was clear as day, but they answered without further prompting. 

“I was never Sophia’s biggest fan, we’ll put it that way. But she made life a lot easier for unempowered people, at a very high cost for her approval rates.” The lighter charred their thumbnail, and they didn’t even seem to notice. “A human-born Queen is one thing, an unempowered consort is something completely different.”

[FILLER]

“I’m about to ruin his life, and he doesn’t care, because he doesn’t see the difference in those two things.” They blew smoke towards the stars, and David suppressed a cough. “Us unempowered have a worldview that no one else in the Imperium can understand- we’re all cattle to make the Imperium turn, but when was the last time you saw media coverage on the disappearance of an unempowered person? When was the last time you saw any mass maker held responsible for the slaughter of households because their unbound progeny were hungry?” 

He didn’t have an answer, and even if he did, it wouldn’t do anything to diffuse the situation. Their displeasure was justified and palpable, and something David had previously had the pleasure of never having to think about. It was uncomfortable, trying to think of a million answers for how they must’ve been wrong, and knowing that they weren’t.

“Shifters probably get it the most, right? If there’s a thorn in the Upper Echelon’s side, they just call on a nearby pack to take care of it, or am I getting that wrong? You’re almost as disposable to them as the rest of us. You’re never awarded the right to power the Imperium can’t subjugate, even within your packs.” Another cigarette butt joined their first, and without an outlet for their hands, they picked at a hole in the leg of their pants. “Am I wrong, alpha?”

They weren’t wrong in the slightest, and the use of his title felt taunting, even when they looked at him with gut-twisting sympathy. Harsh words detailed with a gentle face. 

“It doesn’t feel good knowing that I’m about to be complicit in that system by virtue of whose bed I warm.” Hopping down from the banister, they gathered their few belongings.

 "Under the Imperium, none of us are free. Myself least of all.” 

[watchinglikeafangirl]

KinnPorsche Ep 4 - analysis

Because I have something better to do like studying, I'm writing this analysis. Gotta procrastinate you guys and I'm gonna pretend I'm really sad I spend my time watching KinnPorsche instead.

This episode is basically parted into two storylines. Vegas is introduces as a sort of villain here, though I think there's more to it than just him plotting stuff. Kinn and Porsche flirt a lot and we discover some depth of Kinn's character.

Kinn is jealous

Last week, Kinn and Porsche ended up kissing and now it's the next day. Since this is a drama, the antagonist and possible other romantic lead is showing interest, so even before anything really started between Kinn and Porsche, Vegas steps in and Kinn feels extremely jealous. The problem is, of course, that they haven't even talked about the kiss yet but Kinn feels the need to since he's kinda salty about Vegas interfering.

Side note: The garden seems to be pretty important because everytime we see Porsche interacting with the minor family, he is in the garden. Last time I said the garden is representing a sort of fairytale Thankun loves to live in, but Porsche destroyed it by killing the fishes. This time, it's the scene Vegas steps up. Porsche wants to smoke which kind of symbolizes him destroying a fairytale and Vegas helps him with it by lighting up his cigarette. It's a symbolic threat to Kinn because Vegas is a "bad boy", encouraging Porsche to keep doing destructive things while Kinn is "the good guy" showing Porsche what his heart truly wants.

Kinn's jealousy is clearly shown in the scene at the pool. The pool gave me some flashbacks to the trailer tbh and the "Deutsche Bank" logo in the background just made this whole scenery hilarious to me.

"Did I interrupt? I saw you two having a fun conversation."

Porsche doesn't have a clue what this is about and then, we get an important piece of information. After Kinn reminds him to not talk to the minor family members because he doesn't like them, Porsche just says something like "if he talks nicely to me, I talk back nicely. It's manners" and Kinn's face is just gold at this point but this short sentence shows the entire conflict between those two and why Porsche helps Kinn to see the world in a different light. Kinn is so used to do things the hard way and to always state his point. He never tried to talk nicely to anyone because that's what he was taught: friendliness doesn't get you anywhere. But Porsche is different. He always needed people to like him and couldn't just give a sh*t about other's opinion of him. The difference is right there and unnoticable but if you watch closely, the conflict is already laid out.

I think this jealousy made Kinn realize something he is not ready to admit to himself yet but it leads to the sauna scene and the most clichéish question ever.

"If you were a girl, would you like a guy like me?"

I just love how Porsche says "you're weird today" because he can't remember lmao. Porsche mostly just goes with the flow and Kinn thinks things through. Kinn only kisses someone he likes. Porsche kisses back because it's nice and if it turns into something, it's nice as well but not intended at first.

Kinn shows a very different side here. He is not cold and calculative. Just a man in his twenties (?) who just tries to have someone and tries to deal with his life even if he doesn't like it sometimes. Kinn is someone who loves money but had to realize money doesn't give you everything you want, so he's kinda lonely. With Porsche, he's just not lonely, I think.

The calm Kinn vanishes when Vegas shows up again. The jealousy is on another level here and Vegas recognizes and picks up the fight. Kinn is all too serious, Vegas is very amused and the others are just uncomfortable. But Vegas still seems to know something about Kinn's past which was missing up until now. Someone like Kinn obviously has a trauma. Else he wouldn't keep people away and never care about what other's feel.

Progress

Shortly after this, we get the next bit of information about Kinn.

"You never seem to change. Never let me kiss you"

With this both being said, everything that happened and will happen is seen in a different light. Because Kinn has kissed Porsche after shortly knowing him. He cares deeply about him. He checks up on Porsche's wound and when Porsche lies on the bed, all out of it, Kinn caresses his cheek and sends the other bodyguards away. He seems to be really scared.

But first, let's talk about the whole Big incident and how prod Kinn looks. The lightning is very beautiful right here because Kinn feels appreciated and Porsche protects him in some way, that's why the lights are between them. It's what Kinn wished would happenen but thought "just in my dreams". It then happens for real, but it still feels like a dream.

Talking about lightning, can we talk about the auction?! Kinn wears a red suit. He is ready for war. Vegas is there too and Kinn is just ready to fight (not physically speaking). The whole room is gloomy and blue, it's a dangerous scenery and a tense atmosphere. Vegas and Kinn keep bidding and Porsche gets poisoned. They all knew events are dangerous and Porsche definetely learned from the last time because he really doesn't want to drink a random water that was just given to him. But yeah, Kinn is forced to smile at him and he gets all confused by it.

Now we get to the scene we all want to to talk about. But let me say, I was surprised how it turned out. I wasn't ready to see them having sex because I think they aren't there yet. But again, sex isn't always something to wait for, so of course no judgement. I especially loved the coloring here because the background is dark-geen but these two are constantly put in a warm yellow and kinda orange light which just looked so beautiful. And I have to say, I love their acting. Like Apo is so good portraying a very high Porsche and Mile is amazingly playing a distant Kinn who is confused. I just love them.

So, we remember from earlier that Kinn doesn't kiss anyone. He seems to have some trauma and at the pier, it was more thoughtless than now. Here, Porsche teases and touches him very much and Kinn is just lost I think. His face shows it all. And when Porsche "shows him the real deal", Kinn looks like he's about to cry.

The kiss probably awoke some nasty memories of his trauma and he wasn't sure if he can endure it to then arive at the other side where Porsche is. He gives in shortly after but it was important to see him being confused because of the things that have been said earlier.

Vegas is the antagonist

Short analysis about the last scene with Vegas standing nacked in a red room with candles, being aroused by the flashbacks of a knocked-out Porsche. The flashback thing is obviously there to show what kind of creepy and disgusting guy he really is. We only see that now after what happened because Porsche and we only know now what Kinn already knew about him: that he is not in any way nice. So, that would have been enough to make clear that Vegas is the antagonist. But they put him in a red room with candles and this combination is very spiritually. He is portrayed as the devil. Candles are mostly seen in churches and weird cults. Red is the color of war and the devil. This whole scenery is in a very ancient looking room and all these things together, are clearly stating "he is the villain". I'm excited for next week after this chaotic analysis lmao

[hakasims]

The Most Important Review of Every Single Luca Marinelli Film

Listen, I’m not here to tell you if a movie’s plot is well-structured or whatever, ok? I’m here for objective, factual data on how Luca Marinelli’s brand is adhered to in every movie he’s been in so far.

(all gifs by @weardes​)

La solitudine dei numeri primi (2010)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? No. His life is hard enough as it is.

Is Luca naked? He’s wearing speedos in one scene, but he’s covered in s*lf-h*rm marks, it’s very sad and not sexy at all.

Is Luca gay? Hell if I know.

Is Luca a slut? He talks to like two people in the whole movie.

Lucameter: 2/100 pathetic (but like I get it it’s his first movie w/e)

L'ultimo terrestre (2011)

Does Luca smoke? Yes.

Does Luca sing? No, but Roberta is a captivating dancer.

Does Luca eat? No, though she takes a shot once.

Does Luca get slapped? Yes, but not in a fun way :(

Is Luca naked? No, but there are some thighs and belly with a mini skirt in between. No complaints.

Is Luca gay? Not enough data.

Is Luca a slut? No.

Lucameter: 1/100 horrible, Roberta deserved better

Waves (2011)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? Yes, drunkenly!

Does Luca eat? They just won’t let him put food into his mouth! Watching Gabriele trying and failing to eat is Hitchcock-level suspense, though it all comes to a very satisfying conclusion when the camera isn’t focusing on him for a second, and he friggin’ inhales the food off the table.

Does Luca get slapped? No, but he gets pushed around a lot.

Is Luca naked? No, but he does take off his shirt a couple of times. Also his legs are like completely hairless?? Has anyone ever noticed that? They shaved his legs!

Is Luca gay? No proof that he is, no proof that he isn’t.

Is Luca a slut? No, he is the sweetest purest cinnamon roll.

Lucameter: 37/100 it’s getting better

Nina (2011)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No, but he plays the cello and dances.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? No.

Is Luca naked? No, though even if he was, you wouldn’t be able to enjoy it because he never gets any close-ups or decent lighting.

Is Luca gay? He’s shown to be into ladies.

Is Luca a slut? Please, he’s barely even a character.

Lucameter: 0/100 unwatchable

Tutti i santi giorni (2012)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? Yes, and he cooks!

Does Luca get slapped? Yes, lightly, in a patronizing way.

Is Luca naked? Oh yes.

Is Luca gay? He’s religiously devoted to his lady love.

Is Luca a slut? Not so much a slut as a hella thirsty bitch.

Lucameter: 43/100 half down ponytail saves lives

Maria di Nazaret (2012)

Does Luca smoke? No, obviously.

Does Luca sing? No. He dances once - very clumsily.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? No, though he almost drops a house on himself.

Is Luca naked? Guys, it’s a Bible movie.

Is Luca gay? Come on, he’s Saint Joseph.

Is Luca a slut? Lol no.

Lucameter: -10/100 just for that hair

La grande bellezza (2013)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? No.

Is Luca naked? Full frontal, but in a disturbing way. Red body paint is involved.

Is Luca gay? Who’s to say?

Is Luca a slut? Please.

Lucameter: 4/100 which is more than the number of his on-screen minutes

Il mondo fino in fondo (2013)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? Briefly; he mostly drinks.

Does Luca get slapped? No, but he gets a fruit thrown at him.

Is Luca naked? He’s never more naked than a T-shirt and underwear, but those fuzzy thighs strike back hard after Waves.

Is Luca gay? He’s married to a woman.

Is Luca a slut? I mean, he’s married but goes to a strip club anyway.

Lucameter: 12/100 though he looks really hot in this movie

Non essere cattivo (2015)

Does Luca smoke? Yes, a lot, and he does lots of harder stuff.

Does Luca sing? No, but boy does he dance.

Does Luca eat? He briefly chews on something, but he mostly drinks.

Does Luca get slapped? Yes, wonderfully, multiple times, so good.

Is Luca naked? Fully clothed the entire time.

Is Luca gay? He emanates just the most Gay Longing™

Is Luca a slut? Not actually in practice, but the vibe is there.

Lucameter: 86/100 would have been more if he’d had any nude scenes, but that butt in those jeans is very much appreciated

Lo chiamavano Jeeg Robot (2015)

Does Luca smoke? No, he takes care of his body!

Does Luca sing? Only in the best karaoke scene ever committed to screen. And a little in the car with his buddies. It’s wholesome.

Does Luca eat? He gets a whole ball of mozzarella shoved into his mouth. Luca Marinelli... is lactose intolerant.

Does Luca get slapped? No, but he gets sexy scratches on his face, so points for originality.

Is Luca naked? He’s got all the buttons of his shirt undone in one scene, and there’s also like a quarter of the butt.

Is Luca gay? He’s definitely not straight.

Is Luca a slut? He’s a slut for YouTube views and empowering female songs.

Lucameter: 97/100 I was missing The Slap but whatcha gonna do

Die Pfeiler der Macht (2016)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No, but he dances sluttily.

Does Luca eat? Yes, though all the food in this movie looks disgusting.

Does Luca get slapped? Very hard.

Is Luca naked? Not as naked as he should be considering the everything about him.

Is Luca gay? He fucks everything in this movie.

Is Luca a slut? He fucks everything in this movie.

Lucameter: 64/100 weak

Slam - Tutto per una ragazza (2016)

Does Luca smoke? Yes.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? No.

Is Luca naked? He gives us a full butt moment.

Is Luca gay? Not in the slightest.

Is Luca a slut? Definitely, but it all happens off screen somewhere.

Lucameter: 34/100 the butt is doing all the work here

Il padre d'Italia (2017)

Does Luca smoke? Yes, a lot.

Does Luca sing? Yes, and he dances while singing!

Does Luca eat? No, but he drinks champagne like a fancy bitch.

Does Luca get slapped? Yes, by life.

Is Luca naked? We get everything in the first five minutes. Everything.

Is Luca gay? Yes, canonically and explicitly.

Is Luca a slut? No, he’s full of gay sin and self-loathing.

Lucameter: 99/100 glorious

Lasciati andare (2017)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? He doesn’t have time for anything else but he always has time to get slapped.

Is Luca naked? Not in the slightest.

Is Luca gay? He just wants to be loved T__T

Is Luca a slut? The virgin vibes are stronger than in the Bible movie.

Lucameter: 8/100 it didn’t have to be this way

Una questione privata (2017)

Does Luca smoke? This movie is covered in smoke from Milton’s cigarettes. Seriously, he smokes all the time. Including the scene where he gets called ugly.

Does Luca sing? No, not even in the scene where he gets called ugly.

Does Luca eat? He drinks an egg, though not in the scene where he gets called ugly.

Does Luca get slapped? No. He gets called ugly, though.

Is Luca naked? No.

Is Luca gay? Strong bisexual vibes from this one.

Is Luca a slut? Again, major virgin energy.

Lucameter: 17/100 can you imagine they had the audacity to call him ugly???

Fabrizio De André - Principe libero (2018)

Does Luca smoke? In every scene. Every. Single. One.

Does Luca sing? Duh, while playing the guitar.

Does Luca eat? Yes.

Does Luca get slapped? No, everybody is soft for Fabrizio.

Is Luca naked? He’s wearing nothing but a bath towel for a whole scene.

Is Luca gay? He’s very much into ladies, although he’s got sizzling chemistry with every male character.

Is Luca a slut? He’s very into ladies.

Lucameter: 94/100 almost perfect

Trust (2018)

(it’s not a movie, but Primo is so iconic I can’t and shan’t leave him out)

Does Luca smoke? It’s the 70s and Italy, come on.

Does Luca sing? Unfortunately, he doesn’t, but he’s one hell of a dancer.

Does Luca eat? Munches on spaghetti like there’s no tomorrow.

Does Luca get slapped? Yes. And he doesn’t forget it.

Is Luca naked? Sadly no, but man does the camera love his butt hugged tightly by those slutty 1970s pants. Also balls. Just... just balls.

Is Luca gay? We don’t know for sure, but his whole vibe is kinda the exact opposite of heterosexuality.

Is Luca a slut? For money and power.

Lucameter: 82/100 would benefit from like a karaoke scene or something

Ricordi? (2018)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? Yes.

Does Luca get slapped? No.

Is Luca naked? Oh yes. And he fuuuuuuuuuuucks.

Is Luca gay? This relationship is so heterosexual the couple are literally called Him and Her.

Is Luca a slut? He fucks a lot, but somehow in a very unslutty way. He’s mostly just sad.

Lucameter: 51/100 and he’s called ugly again???

Martin Eden (2019)

Does Luca smoke? Yes.

Does Luca sing? Amazingly, yes, very softly. He also dances.

Does Luca eat? Yep.

Does Luca get slapped? Finally the slappee has become the slapper.

Is Luca naked? Man, I wish. He doesn’t even take his shirt off like wtf dude what did you build all that bigness for???

Is Luca gay? No, and I think he’d be happier if he were.

Is Luca a slut? No, and again, I think it’d have served him better to be a slut.

Lucameter: 62/100 it’s a fine movie that would’ve benefited from more trademark Luca stuff okay

The Old Guard (2020)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? Briefly.

Does Luca get slapped? A lot of violence happens in this movie, but not a single slap, ridiculous.

Is Luca naked? Shirtless, with a close-up on the nipple.

Is Luca gay? Oh, I don’t know, does being one half of the most wholesome and perfect gay couple count?

Is Luca a slut? How dare you. He’s been happily married for 900 years.

Lucameter: 25/100 none of Luca’s trademarks are present but the epicness of his immortal marriage warms me when I shiver in cold