#and i think that is partially intentional and partially she just went through too much shit and they had ca/leb cheat on her so dhgso

[lingeringscars]

spencer is a hopeless romantic, but she never necessarily dreamt of a wedding. she believes in love, and she wants love to work and make sense, but she's never thought that far ahead, never been able to. even in her long relationship with toby, her life was too much of a mess to truly think about or allow herself to think about a future with him that made sense. she was still recovering from everything that happened to her, and it was all moving too fast.

if she ever got married, it is extremely likely she would elope. she wouldn't want her parents' input. she wouldn't want melissa's input. it would also very likely be an impulsive decision.

kids, on the other hand, would not be an impulsive decision at all. she, again, has never envisioned herself as a parent. in fact, a lot of the time, she's terrified that she would be a terrible one. she's full of so much love and warmth, and she loves her parents, but she also knows that she doesn't have a great example and doesn't want to perpetuate that. she'll make jokes about the hastings line ending. her parents are always very unamused about it.

if she ever decided that she wants kids, and that is a big if and depends on her partner (because she wouldn't go it alone with the way her life is. her work would come first), she would adopt.

[lu-is-not-ok]

two in one theory... i am listening very intently if you ever feel up to share it!!

Alright, so this is gonna be... as close to an Abridged explanation of the theory as I can make, because if I went off on everything about it I would end up writing a whole dissertation or five hour video essay script on this shit.

There are gonna be three main sections to this post - Hong Lu's Daiyuisms, Hong Lu's Themes of Identity and how that connects to the concept of Two in One, and the Daiyu-Baoyu theory itself.

Strap in folks.

Hong Lu's Daiyuisms

If you know anything about my theories in the earlier days of Limbus, you might know that I'm one of the very few people who was convinced Hong Lu is actually Daiyu, due to some evidence I found personally compelling. This has not changed, as we've only gotten just as much extra evidence to this as we have to him being Baoyu. So let me just speedrun through some of these points.

The Fucking Jade Eye

Ok hear me out. This is maybe the least important piece of evidence but I can never stop thinking about it. Hong Lu's jade eye? Not actually fully blue! If you look closely on most of his sprites, you can see that he actually has sectoral heterochromia, meaning his jade eye is both blue and black.

Daiyu's name, quite literally, translates to blue-black jade.

Now, you could claim that this is merely meant to be an easter egg reference to her, but... is that really Project Moon's style? After all, when people speculated on Don Quixote being Sancho or a Bloodfiend partially based on her appearance all the way back since near launch, they turned out to be right.

Hong Lu's Father

As of now, there is only one instance of Hong Lu referencing his Father in Limbus, and it's a voiceline from his Base Identity:

Now, if you know anything about DOTRC, this should already be raising some flags, because if Hong Lu was just Baoyu, he would not fucking talk like that about his Father.

In the book, Baoyu is consistently shown to be afraid of his Father, for a good reason mind you, as he's his main abuser. Baoyu would not be looking forward to introducing his friends to that man.

Even if Hong Lu was trying to downplay the abuse he's recieved, this would still not fit his pattern of behavior. When topics that genuinely bother Hong Lu come up, such as what could make him distort or how rich people would enjoy gifts made of humans, he immediately pivots and tries to avoid the topic at all cost. He would not bring up his main abuser in such a lighthearted manner, he would avoid bringing him up at all cost.

However, there is a character in DOTRC which does in fact have a more positive relationship to her Father, and would likely be the one with an opinion such as that - Daiyu. Daiyu loves her Father, and when he dies she completely disappears from the story for a bit to attend his funeral. If there was anyone who would be excited to introduce their friends to their Father, it'd be Daiyu.

Lasso Hong Lu's Corrosion

I made a whole seperate post about this, but I might as well mention it here as well for the sake of completion. The design choices made for Hong Lu which are missing for Faust are very, very Daiyu-coded.

For one, not only does Hong Lu completely turn into a flower, unlike Faust, his horse also gains a flower in its mouth. For those whose knowledge of DOTRC is zero to none, Daiyu is a reincarnation of a Flower given sentience due to being watered by the Jade. I don't think I have to be the one to connect the dots between those two pieces of info for you.

The second is how the halters become a noose for Hong Lu. This, too, is a very Daiyu thing - Rose Hunter as an Abnormality represents the inability to escape one's fate, and Daiyu's fate is to die - the Jia Family arranging a marriage between Baoyu and Baochai leads to Daiyu falling deathly ill, which in itself could be considered a part of her repaying her Debt of Tears - the debt she swore to repay to the Jade/Baoyu when she was still a Flower.

The hilarity of the fact that this E.G.O came out in the same update as Hong Lu being called Baoyu in-story is not lost on me.

Rose Sign Abnormality Log

The third Log for Rose Sign ends in a very peculiar way.

There's multiple ways one can tie Hong Lu's odd reluctance to talk about flowers and the petals. One is the obvious "he's being reminded of Daiyu because she was a Flower" connection, but there's another one.

One of the most commonly potrayed images of Daiyu relates to a scene in DOTRC where she buries fallen flower petals, weeping for and lamenting the mortality of the flowers and herself. Hong Lu's reaction here to his fellow Sinners being reduced to nothing but petals upon Rose Sign's death feels like a notable parallel to Daiyu's flower burial scene.

Like literally everything about Kurokumo Hong Lu

The title for this is a bit of an exaggeration, but at the same time. I'm serious. Kurokumo Hong Lu is perhaps the most Daiyu Identity out of all the Hong Lu Identities we have, and the way he is designed to stand out among them further makes me go insane.

Kurokumo Hong Lu's most defining trait is his attitude - he often complains about his position and how authority treats him, though he doesn't really act out against them in any major way outside of making snarky or sarcastic remarks.

This is, frankly, an extremely Daiyu thing to do. Daiyu is one of the few characters who audibly complains about her treatment in the household. For example she complains about not being given as many opportunities to show off her poetry skills as her male peers are, and she recognises how, when all the girls in the family are given flowers, she's the last one to recieve them and thus is stripped of the ability to pick, being only given the leftovers.

Then there's the whole. Everything about Kurokumo Hong Lu's visual design. Because once you realize just how Daiyu-like the Identity is, you realize just how weird he is compared to other Hong Lu Identities. I mean just look how he compares to his other Identities.

He's the only Hong Lu Identity with a blue tint to his hair in the combat sprite rather than the usual purple.

He's the only Hong Lu Identity whose hairtie is a ribbon rather than a jade ring (Liu Hong Lu technically has the ribbon in his post-uptie art, but he doesn't have it in his combat sprite so I'm not counting him).

He's the only Hong Lu Identity to not be smiling in his combat sprites.

And he's the only Hong Lu Identity (and one of only four Identities in the game) whose Idle sprite has its body facing away from the opponent rather than facing towards them.

All of those combine to make him stand out like a sore thumb in a Hong Lu Identity lineup in a way that makes it feel intentional, especially since he's also the only Hong Lu Identity with that kind of notable attitude towards authority. Other Hong Lu Identities are either obedient, don't express any opinion, or just straight up are the authority.

The Baoyu reveal is framed in a very weird way

This is, admittedly, less of a Daiyuism and more of a not-Baoyuism, but I thought it'd be important to mention nonetheless.

There are a lot of things about Canto 7's reveal of Hong Lu's name being Baoyu that are very strange, especially compared to how the Canto frames Don Quixote's own reveal of actually being Sancho.

For one, the timing itself - why is such an important piece of info being revealed so early? Again, compare to Donqui - she was revealed to be a Bloodfiend in the Intervallo right before Canto 7, and the Sancho reveal only came in the second half of the Canto.

For two, the framing - Donqui's reveals are treated as what they are, Major Reveals. The Baoyu reveal on the other hand happens in a single off-handed line, with nobody reacting to it in any way. Neither Hong Lu nor the other Sinners seem to hear it after all.

And mind you, it's not like Limbus is opposed to giving us important information in off-handed lines - far from it in fact. Project Moon loves shoving little bits of foreshadowing and reveals you don't realize are reveals until way later in these kinds of off-handed lines. But the way those lines are treated is still very different to how the Baoyu reveal is treated.

Usually, when there's foreshadowing in off-handed lines, it's usually either vague enough to be something a character could say regardless of context (see Yi Sang getting hung up on the Sedatives bit in Canto 2 or Ishmael's comment about Syndicates pretending to be Families foreshadowing her own history with the Middle via Queequeg) or something that is in the middle of a scene that distracts from what is actually being said (like Hong Lu's distortion foreshadowing being in the middle of an important infodump or most of everything in Canto 2 being surrounded by a comedic tone).

None of this is present for the Baoyu reveal. There's nothing to distract you from this information, as the scene is already focused on discussing Hong Lu, meaning you're already likely to be paying attention to what is being said about him. There's also no vagueness about it, there's no way you can brush it off since not only are Wei and Xichun newly introduced characters, but it's a whole ass clearcut namedrop.

The only way I can justify that reveal being there in the form it takes is that it in itself is the distraction. Think about it. Didn't I point it out earlier that this reveal came in the same update as the E.G.O with an extremely Daiyu-coded corrosion design? Wouldn't it make sense for that reveal to be there to lower your guard, make you think you resolved that mystery, only to later on reveal it wasn't the whole story after all?

Hong Lu's Themes of Identity

So this section is a bit more vague than the Daiyuism section, because Hong Lu is the type of guy to just Say Shit all the time. It's basically just. Anything that I find relevant to the idea of Hong Lu's Identity being more complex than him just being a random guy using a pseudonym, with some (but maybe not all) of them directly tying to the idea of Two in One.

"Which one is the real you?"

There are currently two seperate scenes where Hong Lu muses on the idea of someone's identity being in some way vague or obscured.

Is Dante the person or the clock? Is the dreamer the one in the dream or the one who wakes from it? Which you is the real you? Does it even matter if that you will flutter away in the end?

This idea of there being one true self. That even if there are two, there is only one of them that is actually you. Curious, right?

Face-changing dance

During the Canto 2 scene where everyone gives their reasons for whether or not they'd be a good pick for being the one to dance, Hong Lu says this.

Bian lian is a kind of dance literally translated as "face-changing". It involves rapid changes between various masks and make-up to represent different emotions or characters.

Now, it's no secret that Hong Lu is a great actor, as we see in Canto 4, and Canto 7 shows how the comparison to theatre and actors can be used to symbolize one's performance of identity, as it does for Sancho and her Don Quixote persona.

Mind you, this reveal comes in the same scene as Sinclair's dance invoking the image of a bonfire burning all through the night according to the Mariachis, a clear foreshadowing to Canto 3 and the Literal burning down of Sinclair's home.

Hong Lu knowing bian lian could be further foreshadowing to his own skills in deception, and how he too is a sort of actor, not unlike Don Quixote. On the other hand however, it could also be a more literal foreshadowing, that he (Baoyu) Quite Literally changed his face. We won't know until Canto 8, but it is an option you know.

The HamHamPangPang dish(es)

For those who don't know, here is a list of the Sinner-themed dishes that were available at HamHamPangPang.

Now, chances are, not all of them have deep meanings. I don't think there's much of a deep meaning to Heathcliff and Ishmael's dishes, I think PJM just legit don't know much about British/American cuisine so they just picked something recogniseable.

However, not all of them are meaningless picks either. Ryoshu, likely a mother, has a meal literally called "parent-and-child donburi". Don Quixote, a Bloodfiend, has a garlic-based dish. These were clearly done on purpose.

So, what does it say that Hong Lu's dish is actually two different dishes? That he's the only one whose dish is two different dishes? And it's not like the two are in some way inherently connected, since they're of completely different cuisines. Japchae is a Korean dish, not Chinese like the Mandarin rolls.

And just in case you weren't convinced that Hong Lu's choice of dishes is purposeful - another name for Mandarin rolls is flower buns, and one of the special occasions japchae is commonly served for is weddings. If you had read through the Daiyuisms section and somehow have no idea what the significance of that is, I don't know what to tell you.

The Daiyu-Baoyu Theory (finally)

So. I gave some evidence for why I think Hong Lu could still be Daiyu despite being revealed as Baoyu. I gave some evidence for why I think Hong Lu could be a Two in One deal, or that at the very least there's something more complex going on with his identity. But let's discuss the theory itself, how it would recontextualize certain things, and why I think it's an extremely fitting an thematically resonant direction for Hong Lu's Canto to go in.

The Theory

Here's what I speculate is going on.

Daiyu, just like in DOTRC, is someone who was taken in into the Jia Household rather than born in it, and who strongly connected with Baoyu upon meeting him. The two would end up forming a bond strong enough that they would be willing to die for one another (or, if they're in particularly argumentative moods, to kill themselves just to force the other to have to live a long life grieving over them - this is an actual argument they have in DOTRC and I pray to god this is adapted into Limbus because it's too fucking funny).

At some point, Baoyu either dies or is brought to near death, likely through the same circumstances as in DOTRC - being beaten by his Father. To save him, his memories and consciousness would be transferred to his eye, a process not dissimilar to the one Xichun brings up in Canto 7, and implanted into Daiyu's body, causing them to become a vessel for Baoyu. This would be how Hong Lu as he is now is created.

All of the above is the main basis for this theory. Everything else that I might speculate about, such as the exact nature of the two's relationship, Daiyu's more exact background and personality, how their pre-reincarnation lives could be adapted - all of those are things that are purely speculative and ones that I don't really expect to be actually fulfilled. The only bits that I am sure are likely to be true is what I laid out above.

So... what does it all mean for the future? I'm glad you asked!

The Recontextualization

Here's a collection of just a couple of things that Hong Lu has said or is depicted as that would be heavily recontextualized if this theory ends up being true.

Hong Lu surviving despite claiming he didn't fight back when his siblings first tried to kill him: With the context that he used to be two seperate people, the answer to how he survived is made very simple. Baoyu is the one who wasn't fighting back. Daiyu, however, could have still protected him in turn.

The red ribbon on Hong Lu's weapon: There is only one other Sinner who has a similar decoration on their weapon - Ryoshu, who also has a red ribbon on her sword, which could be easily connected to Yuzuki and her death. With the context of Hong Lu being Baoyu occupying Daiyu's body and thus effectively rendering their self non-existent, the red ribbon could be a parallel symbol - a symbol of Daiyu and their 'death'.

How Hong Lu treats his weapon in his base E.G.O: The way Hong Lu holds his weapon in the illustration is more like he's cradling another person. This could be a representation of how he feels about Daiyu's situation. Likewise, in the attack animation, he's not really attacking with the weapon itself, is he? He's simply using it to direct a ribbon (which in itself is missing in the illustration), the part that is actually the attack. If the weapon in the base E.G.O represents Daiyu, this could be a parallel to how Baoyu feels like he's merely directing Daiyu's body to attack, rather than being the one actually attacking.

The duality of Hong Lu IDs: There is a notable pattern among Hong Lu IDs, and that is the focus on his attitude to violence. When he's in a situation where he's obedient towards his Family, he's either uninterested in violence, bored of it, or otherwise given no other choice but to use it as a reprieve from boredom. However, when he's in a situation where he's disconnected from his Family or otherwise questioning the status quo, he's shown to not only be much more aggressive and violent, but to outright enjoy it. With the context of Hong Lu being composed of two people, this duality could represent each of his components - the obedient and violence-averse being more Baoyu-like, while the questioning and violence-favoring being more Daiyu-like.

So, there's a bunch of stuff that would be given new meaning under the premise of this theory being true. But now, what about the future? What would this theory mean for the themes and ending of Canto 8?

The Resolution

I believe this is how the Daiyu-Baoyu theory will affect Canto 8.

At some point, whether before or during the Canto, it will be revealed that Hong Lu is both Daiyu and Baoyu. There will be an attempt to seperate the two, perhaps to implant Baoyu into a more fitting, more Jia Family-approved Vessel. Perhaps because the 'arranged marriage' from DOTRC could be adapted into something more... let's say Fear and Hunger kind of marriage rather than traditional marriage.

This will leave Hong Lu to be returned to their state as Daiyu, who will be revealed to be a very different person to what the Sinners knew Hong Lu as. There is a non-zero chance that Daiyu will be unable to hear Dante or be revived by them due to the one who signed the contract being Baoyu, and so they could end up acting as an uncontrollable ally unit not unlike Xichun in Canto 7.

The climax would then be Daiyu and Baoyu reuniting and being unwilling to part with each other again, even for the sake of returning to being the fake persona that is Hong Lu, leading to a potential duo boss fight/distortion boss fight/duo distortion boss fight.

The ending would be the two of them deciding to embrace their new identity as Hong Lu and truly becoming one, discarding their pasts and the selves that had been forced on them by the Jia Family. This ending would have a twofold meaning regarding how it connects to the DOTRC adaptation.

One - it would be a direct parallel to the ending of DOTRC where Baoyu leaves to become a monk. By becoming Hong Lu and discaring his previous identities, he'd be leaving behind the earthly attachments inherent to being Baoyu and Daiyu and become spiritually whole.

Two - it would be a reflection of the major theme of DOTRC, that being "Truth becomes fiction when the fiction's true. Real becomes not-real when the unreal's real." Hong Lu, as a person, is a 'fake' persona used by the 'real' Baoyu and Daiyu. However, by discarding those two identities and deciding to just be Hong Lu, the fiction of his existence becomes the truth, while his former real selves become not real.

Conclusion?

I could honestly just keep going with this post, but I think I'm going to stop myself here before I'm forced to find out what tumblr's character limit on posts is. Believe me, I was trying to be brief, and still this post is. This fucking long.

I hope this explains why this theory has been the subject of my brainrot for the past however long, and why I feel like it's surprisingly plausible despite being as deranged as it is.

Godspeed and godbless, I have classes tomorrow and I'm spending my time on this.

[beomboomboom]

Accidental Intentions

genre: fluff, friends to lovers

pairing: Vernon x reader

summary: Seeing the message was an accident, but clicking onto the notification that brought you to Seungkwan's chat with Vernon, was definitely not one.

warnings: a little bit of swearing, kissing?

note: Sorry I haven't posted in awhile! I was busy with finals this entire month so I wasn't able to post much. Anyways, I've been wanting to write a Vernon fic for awhile! Enjoy reading this fic <33

It was an accident.

Okay maybe, only partially one.

Regardless, you were just trying to check the time while Vernon was in the bathroom, you really didn't intend to see Seungkwan's message to Vernon.

Kwannie🍊: You should confess to her today 😏😏❤️

Seeing the message was an accident, but clicking onto the notification that brought you to Seungkwan's chat with Vernon, was definitely not one.

In your defense, you were just curious.

Even though you and Vernon were friends, he rarely mentioned any crushes or girls he was interested in. So, could who could blame you for being a little curious as to see who the lucky girl was? Maybe a little jealous too, but that was irrelevant.

You could feel your heart beating out of your chest as you scrolled through Seungkwan and Vernon's chat. Knowing very well that any second now Vernon could walk out of the bathroom and catch you red-handed as you went through the messages on his phone.

Kwannie🍊: I KNEW IT! Kwannie🍊: HAH I HAD A FEELING IT WAS HER WHO U HAD A CRUSH ON You: shut up You: I swear you better not run your stupid mouth and tell her Kwannie🍊: hehehehe 😛 Kwannie🍊: It was kinda obvious ngl Kwannie🍊: you always make excuses to be around her and you smile with your eyes around her You: how- You: stalker You: was it that obvious? do you think she knows? Kwannie🍊: nah, she seems kind of oblivious Kwannie🍊: but it seems like she likes you back Kwannie🍊: You should confess to her today 😏😏❤️

With every text message you scroll past, you feel more and more conflicted. On one hand you're curious to see who is the one who has captured your friend's heart. But, on the other hand you're the tiniest bit disappointed at the fact that it's not you who he has a crush on.

Of course, you were still happy for Vernon. Vernon was your friend and he needed some love in his life, just like any other person. But you would miss the weekly movie nights and the way you could always go to Vernon whenever you needed something. When he would get a girlfriend, all of that would go away.

In a sick kind of way, you wanted to be greedy. You wanted Vernon all for yourself.

Just as you're about to scroll further to see who exactly this lucky girl was, you hear Vernon's voice behind you, catching you like a deer in headlights and making your blood run cold.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Oh Shit.

Turning around slowly to face Vernon's questioning eyes, you push down the urge to run and escape this whole situation that you got yourself in, the regret of your actions already seeping in.

"I-It was an accident," you stutter out, your eyes wide as you rush to defend yourself. "I swear, I didn't mean to see Seungkwan's message. I was just trying to check the time, and then his message about you confessing to someone popped up. I'm sorry. Please don't be mad."

You watch nervously as Vernon's eyes go from confused to panicked to fearful to nervous.

"I'm really sorry, I swear it was an accident I didn't mean to see Seungkwan's message," you apologize, silently placing Vernon's phone back in his hands. "Please forgive me."

Vernon lets out a small sigh of defeat before responding. "It's okay, it's no big deal. Just...how much did you see?"

"uhm...just a little. Just the part where you said you had a crush," you admit, eyes regretful and apologetic, avoiding Vernon's sharp gaze.

"You didn't see who it was, right?" Vernon asks after a beat of silence, his voice calm but his eyes telling a different story with the way they were shakily looking in your direction.

"No, I didn't get that far," you respond, watching as Vernon's shoulders visibly deflate. "So, anyways, who's the girl?"

Now, you know those moments when you say something without thinking, then immediately regret it because of how incredibly stupid it is?

This was one of those moments.

The silence that follows your question makes you want the ground to swallow you whole.

"uhm...so about that...", Vernon finally says after an uncomfortable minute of silence. You can tell he's conflicted on what to say with the way he slowly shifts his gaze away from yours.

"Just tell me," You say, your eyes silently begging Vernon to let you in on his secret crush, as you begin to ramble on, "I swear I won't tell anyone! I can even be your wingman and we ca-"

"It's you," Vernon admits, interrupting your rambling, his face flushed a light shade of pink as he avoids eye contact with you.

"What?"

"I like you," Vernon explains, "You're the girl I was talking to Seungkwan about."

You feel the world stop in that moment.

No way.

You must be imagining things.

"I...I don't know what to say," you stutter, frozen in shock.

"It's okay, you don't need to like me back. I understand. Everyone has their own fee-," Vernon says, immediately rushing to reassure you that he wasn't trying to pressure you into liking him back, but completely misunderstanding your response in the process.

Reaching gently, you silently press your finger to Vernon's lips, stopping his rambling. Brushing your hand through his soft brown locks, you give him a fond smile before connecting your lips with his in a kiss that gets more and more passionate as each second goes by.

When you and Vernon finally pull away, both of you speechless and silently leaning into each other's touch, you finally find the words to respond to Vernon's confession.

"I like you too, you idiot."

[mara-xx217]

can you write something with Levi and affectionate reader? I feel really bad for him ngl

I think Levi is one of my favourite contestants in Termina, so I'm happy to give the boy some much needed gentle attention.

Warnings: Withdrawal Symptoms, References to Typical Canon Violence, there is some Fluff in spite of all the bad shit I promise

Enjoy!~

It was no different from the cold he experienced on the battlefield, but Levi never got used to it, even then. A bone chilling ache had set into his joints, making them stiff and pop audibly every time he took a step or raised his rifle or stooped down to the ground whenever a nauseating headache blinded him as he went longer and longer without his fix.

By the time the two of you reached the Bop, he was pale and visibly sweating, having soaked through his coveralls to the point that his clothing was a shade darker and small rolls of steam rose off his shoulders and rattled not from the wind, but from the intensity that Levi was shaking.

"Levi... you need to take a break. You're... You look really, really bad..." You raise your hand in his direction and he flinches, which had you stepping back and lowering your hand.

"W-What...? What? U-Uh... Sorry..." His eyes were wide and wild for a moment but they quickly calmed once he recognized it was you that was moving out of the corner of his eye. Levi turns to face you, needing your lips in order to aid his hearing of your speech. The few years he spent fighting in the second Great War has left him partially deaf and generally hard of hearing. It was yet another thing that made him nervous and jumpy and it made you a little sad to see...

Even in the warm light of the Bop, Levi was on edge and unable to sit down. You had to guide him inside and you had to gently beg him to take a seat. A part of you thought that Marina, who was seated at the bar, would poke fun at you and Levi but to her credit, she only looked up from her book in passing and then focused back down onto it.

"This place is pretty safe, even from Rher's influences. You can take it easy, soldier boy." Marina sighed and closed her book.

"That redhead, Abella, is downstairs. Need anything?" Marina was looking more at you than Levi, as he looked positively green and out of sorts.

"Y-Yeah... A blanket if you can, maybe two, but that might be asking too much..." You gently guide Levi to place his rifle down on one of the tables and all it takes for him to collapse onto the bench is the pressure of your palm pressing down on his shoulder from above.

"Yeah. How's about some food and water, too? I don't think it will be warm, but it's something." You nod and tell her your and Levi's thanks. Marina's offer could be seen as sarcastic, but she didn't really seem like the type to offer help without the intention to give it when accepted.

"Please, Marina? Thank you..."

You sat beside of your friend, stomach churning as you watch him writhe in place. He can't sit still, from discomfort, from the pins and needles that prickled the underneath of his legs and the overwhelming need to just-

To fucking just-!

Levi hissed in pain as a strange texture scrapped against his bare arms. His withdrawal symptoms had left him hypersensitive to all tangible stimuli, so the simple act of having a coat placed over his shoulders was a nearly unbearable sensation. It wasn't... an unwelcomed one, though, especially since it was your jacket that you had draped over him.

As much as he wanted to thank you, he quite literally didn't have the energy to say or even do anything. The simple act of keeping his body upright was a trial from hell and it was a struggle that he was losing. The thought of putting his arms and head on the smooth, cold table made him want to vomit but leaning back against the wall was just as bad. Levi rocked in place, a few strangled, choked groans and hisses of pain escaping his mouth as he screwed his eyes shut.

It hurts... It hurts to just exist... It feels like- like...

It feels like he's going to fucking explode-

It was likely foolish on your part, but you gingerly wrapped your arm around his thin shoulder and encouraged him to lean over onto you. At first, Levi was hesitant. Not because he was annoyed or because he didn't want to, but merely because he doesn't know if he could even stand it... But he couldn't keep himself upright any longer, and instead of resting his head against against your shoulder, he slipped down further and ended up resting his head against your lap.

It was... unexpected. For both of you. If it were another time, another place, under different skies, it would have been different. It could have been nice... It could have made you both blush and your hearts pound sheepishly in your chests as you both shyly avoid each other's gazes... But here and now?

You tried to hold Levi as he shivered and moaned in pain. Every touch was agony but he didn't beg you to stop, even though his body screamed for him to do so. He needed to know that you were there... that you were watching over him and making sure that he was safe... Levi should have been doing this for himself, for you, but he just couldn't. He was too sick, too tired, to weak...

For once, he needed to be the one that was protected and sheltered, just like how he wanted for the majority of his life. The festival wasn't a safe place, but you did help make it better, even if marginally and through your presence and care alone.

@prettycutebunny, @infinitewhore, @kennbb, @cherrysodalite, @thanksatt, @pink-soft-shadow, @sinlessdesire, @hoemine, @memoryofheather @horny-3

[heathens-child]

Okay this is shocking…. It’s shit!!! Ack! Fuck! I kinda rushed and I’ve only ever written one fanfiction before…. Please I’m sorry it’s crap. I can’t post it whole so I’ll post it in chunks ❤️ @eddiestardust for you, my love

Start

Blixa pov

Cold air fills my lungs as I tumble out of the bar doors. Shutting in the flashing lights and the air which was thick with the rotting stench of piss, alcohol and sweat. My mind is racing, searching for something someone to grip onto. All alone in the cold night. I sit upon the edge of the pavement and hug my knees. Nothing to do but hold myself and seek comfort from the warmth of my legs. My head aches and screams at me. I need water, my mouths become dry. This is all too much. This is all too much. This is all too much. Alone on the side walk, drowning in self pity and remorse. Tar in my lungs and pollution in my mouth, I can barely breath. Shakes have begun to wrack through my body now, likely caused by the rushing wind and over use of meth.

“Heya! What are you doing sat on the sidewalk on your own,” came the deep, voice of an Australian.

“None of your business, you filthy cheap lowlife whore,” I spit, still staring at my bony legs that are clad in black leather.

“Filthy cheap lowlife whore, eh? I’ll be remembering that insult.” the man chucked.

My eyebrows shoot up immediately, “why so you can call your mother that in bed? I’ve heard she likes being degrading.”

The man only chuckles and sits beside me. I turn to glare at him, but instead I’m met with the most stunning warm eyes. His soft looking lips were quirked up into a small grin. His jet black hair was teased and tangled, leaving only a small section of straight uneasy hair hanging down, draped over his left eyebrow and partially over his eye. I was taken aback, the man was somewhat good looking.

He turns away from me and leans forward, resting his arms on his knees and plucking some weeds out of the dirty street curb, chucking them to his left. I’m drawn to his hands, they are big and formidable, his index and thumb are decorated with metal chunky rings which stand out upon his pale skin like stars in the sky. I think he looks very camp.

“What is your name,” I ask, barley caring or listening.

“My name is Nicholas Edward Cave,” the Australian announces, feigning a posh accent, “but you can call me Nick.”

“I think I will be calling you Nicholas. I don’t like the name Nick, makes me think of the devil” I mutter, smirking at the ground. I enjoy playing people like this, playing with people who are so stupid they are thrown off by my attitude. I think I’m funny.

“Nicholas it is then! You come from around here?” Nicholas questions, intent and keen.

“No. I was born on mars. It’s quite civil up there, less so down here but eh, I can’t complain.” I reply.

“Mars huh? Guess you’re quite the traveler.” he laughs humor on his tone.

“No I hate traveling, just like I hate talking to stupid idiots.”

“Well we’ll get on great then! I hate talking to idiots too.” the tall Australian laughs heartily.

“No. We won’t be getting on. I have places to be, people to meet.” I tell him, a bland lie but he doesn’t need to know that. I stand up, the Australian quickly following suit.

“Oh… okay then! Well, see you some other day, Blixa,” He grins.

I stop short. How does he know my name?

“How do you know my name, you little fuckface?” I growl, scowling at him.

“Ah, your mother told me when I went around to fuck her last night. She’s one real good shag, once you get past the yellow eyes and weird antennas, Y’know,” the Australian purred, before turning on his heel and sauntering off into the streets.

“You fucking schlampe,” I shrieked, “when I see you next I’ll fucking rip your head off and fucking eat you, you depp hure!”

The Australian simply wanders down the path, turns left and ducks down an ally, vanishing from my view.

I suppose the lanky Australian must be a fan… but the name Nick cave sure sounds familiar. I sigh before turning and creeping back into the bar.

Nicks pov.

I sit on a ratty little sofa, broken and torn in places. My boots slung inelegantly over the arm of the sofa. What a life. Listening to the drunks and addicts swarm around into the dingy little performance hall, I doubt any of them will remember this concert tomorrow. I check my watch quickly, ten minutes. That’s enough time I suppose. I scan the room quickly, no one’s around. Perfect. I undo my shoe laces, pulling them out of the twelve little eyelets with ease. Once they’re completely out and I’m left with only the shoelace, I quickly fold it in half, wrap it around my arm once and loop it through the slight hole, wrapping it round once more, I grip the anglet with my teeth and pull gently, it hurts slightly as it pulls my skin and pinches in places. Readjusting my arm slightly I reach down into my little messager bag, lots of odd little pieces: a couple rings knocking around, a packet of cigarettes and a lighter. I feel a slight jab on my index finger, ah perfect, i clasp the the object and pull it out of the bag, a little syringe in a plastic bag. I unwrap it carefully, still griping the laces with my teeth. I place the little needle on my arm pushing it inside, a sharp fleeting pain flashes in front of me, before dying down as I begin to inject the heroin into my arm. What a feeling. I chuck the now empty syringe back into my bag and I undo the laces from around my arm. Quickly lacing them back into the eyelets, tying them up again. I flop back onto the shabby sofa, letting my head loll backwards, my eyes slide shut. I begin to think of my new muse, Blixa Bargeld. Ah what pleasure that name brings me, like honey upon the tongue or water in the mouth of a famished man. I will never forget the night I first lay eyes on him. I was drunk and high, stumbling around the street when I’d eventual heard the loud thrum of bass and the noise of a hammer upon metal, so I swayed inside the bar to see what was making the racket. I weaved my way through the crowd ignoring the loud complaints from the stupid drunks around me. The figure who stalked the stage was thin and frail. His waist was small and insignificant with ribs that protruded outwards like razors, poking out almost as If they would burst from out of the skin that stretched around them. He strode around, pacing, one long leg in front of the other, his hazel eyes glowering furiously at anyone that moved. He stalked to the left then to the right, clutching his microphone as if it was his lifeline, letting out horrific little shrieks as he paced. He stalked around for awhile longer before eventually striding towards the center stage and towards where I stood. He lent down and put his face close to the audience, His cracked lips, opened wide to let out the most dreadful shrieking noise that I’d heard yet, almost as if he was either being drowned in fire or as if he was having the most wonderful orgasm, I couldn’t place my finger on quite which one it sounded more like. His beady eyes glared and scowled furiously, scanning each member, as he carefully strode sideways, never taking his eyes away from the drunks, he was carefully edging his way closer to me. Now facing me, only inches away, our noses almost touching, he stared. His eyes were wide and pupils blown. His skin was weathered and worn, stretched around his skull. It almost looked painful, too tight around his bones. He looked in pain. His eyes were almost pleading me to help him, help him away from himself. I reached out cautiously, extending my long fingers towards his gaunt cheeks. I felt scared, unsure of what thoughts were racing though his hazy mind. I touched his cheek with the pads of my fingers, he flinched away from me, I suppose from on instinct, but he then looked back at me intently, his eyes shimmering with danger and caution, before gently bringing his cheek back to my outstretched hand, nuzzling into my palm. Every part of my mind was screaming at me to draw back, to get out and leave, to not get involved, but my heart felt different.

[o0uhlexa0o]

{ Acquaintances to Enemies (to Lovers?) E.W. } COMPLETED

Summary: You find Ellie in Santa Barbara and she invites you on her journey back home and trust is tested between the women.

Warnings: Cussing, angst, toxic relationship, sexual themes.

Author's Note: Bruh why would Juno do that like.. I would never.. (o *~ - ~)o

Parts: 1 , 2 , ❎ , 4

It had been three days. You trailed behind Ellie with your tail between your legs. You had lost her trust and she still chose to keep you as a companion.. ‘Useful burden’ you thought of yourself. She didn’t waste much time talking to you either. You felt relieved though, knowing she wasn’t going to lead you to a pack of slavers, but now any chance of you forming a genuine friendship, which you knew was founded on trust, was crushed, like your pride.

Another hot day and Ellie’s hair was clinging to her neck. She carried on despite her injuries. You couldn’t help but think of that woman named Dina and her son who Ellie left behind. Maybe you were alone too long.. maybe it was the growing pain of wanting someone close to you because you felt the bitter sting of jealousy.  

You two approached what used to be a golf course, but was now a field with long, tan grass that seemed to stretch for miles. Ellie paused and looked at the field, “Damn..” she said quietly to herself. “Does it remind you of your home?” you ask standing beside her. She hesitated before answering, “Yeah..” her voice was quiet, scratching her ear. A small progress in communication, but you don’t dwell in it for long. You decide to take the lead through the field. Ellie stops her reminiscing to watch you wade in the grass before following.

Then you saw it, an oasis hidden in the grass. You listened to your surroundings before proceeding closer. A pond glimmering in the sunlight. You rushed over, almost giving Ellie a heart attack. You cupped your hands to drink the water and Ellie approached dropping her backpack to join. The water was like heaven sent, you hummed at how cool and fresh it was, and how it dripped down your chin. Ellie got up and went into the water and you watched as she dunked herself in, wiping her hair and face. You tried not to watch so intently as you were, so you decided to follow her lead in.

You dunked and came up next to her. You wiped your hair back, pretended like you didn’t notice how tightly your shirt hung to your body- your chest- and you acted like you didn’t notice that she was watching. The water was perfectly cold and your body reacted to it.The sunlight danced on the water, and through squinted eyes, you saw that her body responded to the cold water in an obvious way as well when her tank top hugged tightly against her chest. You two were staring at each other. You wanted to approach her, not knowing why, but before you could, she turned away dunking herself in the water one last time before walking to shore. “Let's find a place to set up camp,” she said nonchalantly. You wanted to retort and tell her it was still early, just past noon, but you didn’t say anything.  

You and Ellie camped in a dilapidated house. The roof was partially missing and you decided to camp in the upstairs' bedroom where you planned to sleep under the stars. Ellie hadn’t slept in the same room as you since you read her journal, but as you unpacked on the bed, Ellie came in, giving you an acknowledging nod, and dropping her bag on the other side of the bed. Ellie had her back against the headboard and took her journal out to write. You didn’t want to think about this too much and started to look around the room that must have belonged to a teenage boy. The room was lined up with posters of different bands and shelves with books. The other half of the room was exposed to the elements and covered with climbing vine. “Ever listened to ‘The Sick Habit’? Ellie asked, not looking up from her writing. “No,” your voice was soft, a bit unsure. You looked at the black and white poster of the three band members. “When we get back to Jackson, I’ll let you listen to their CD. I mean if you’re into loud music,” she glanced up.  You chuckle, “Sounds fun.” You were relieved Ellie had forgiven you for reading her journal- or so you fucking thought. 

[oblivionax]

I finished watching House of the Dragon season 2, and I need to talk about it.

DISCLAIMER: Contains spoilers! Bear in mind that I didn't like the show. Nor do I hate it, but this post is probably going to be a rant. So, if you liked it, feel free to skip my post and/or not agree with it, be it fully or partially.

And a casual reminder that it's not only my personal opinion, but also an opinion of a person who has a degree in film studies and screenwriting, so I know what I'm talking about. Visually? Stunning. Writing? Well, about that...

Here goes nothing. The series had a great potential that was not fully used, in my humble opinion. The idea is very good, but execution could've been much better. Many scenes are painfully long, and many are fillers bearing little to no message/significance. The characters regress, and to me, season 2 was somewhat weaker than season 1. I'll admit I can't say I liked season 1 more, however. It suffered from the very same issues that only grew in season 2.

Some character development was abandoned in season 2, Daemon being the brightest example. His visions in Harrenhal are too redundant and feel practically useless. All that to show that he eventually fully pledges fealty to his wife and gives up on the crown. Like, not because he decided to, but because he was seeing visions? Huh?? That's lazy writing if you ask me.

And let's take a moment to talk about his visions: I think when he picked up the crown and returned it to Viserys after the latter dropped it in season 1 was a beautiful moment meant to show his evolution as a person. Season 2 showed me that it didn't matter as if it never happened. Look at him. He feels soooo guilty now for... for what? He did make amends with his brother, did he not? He supported Rhaenyra. And don't tell me he pretended to. That's a season 2 thing that appeared out of blue. Those visions never advanced the plot. In all honesty, I see them as a waste of time and budget. Like yeah, cool seeing those same actors, yeah, cool, Daemon feels something.

But then, why go through the same character arc he went through in season 1?? I also hated the vision where he slept with his mother. Like, why??? It'd make more sense if it meant something like he doesn't really love Rhaenyra, he loves himself, and he marries her because he sees himself in her because they're literally flesh and blood. Perhaps he views her as a part or an extension of himself, an appendage. That'd be interesting, but it would've been shown differently. And, besides, it's not the intention of the scene where everything is ridiculously simple. But why include his mother? To show he's dumb? Or horny? Both? It served no purpose.

Aemond was dumbed down as well. I liked it when he was looking for Aegon to crown him in season 1, telling him how important it is and how he'd love to be king himself, but reminded it was Aegon's duty as heir. It was somewhat... nice? Though in his own rough manner. Yeah, he has quite a temper, but he also was said to be educated and cunning. Smart. Where did that go in season 2?

In season 2, he's a man-child. Wasn't he supposed to like feel guilty for having killed Luke? Wasn't he actually aware of the consequences of his actions? No, he pretends he doesn't care. Or maybe he's so dumb he actually doesn't. It pains me. He had a great potential.

The same goes for Aegon himself and Helaena. Especially Helaena, who basically became the background character. A queen who... who's just there? Yeah, she was shocked at how peasants hated her, but did she at least try to change anything? To learn more? No, she was just sitting around, sad and powerless. We never see her interact with Aegon, too. And that's terrible. Doesn't she at least try to speak to him? Advise him?

Unlike Aemond, Aegon was more like Viserys, though this wasn't well shown I find. There was but like one moment where he said something about not being willing to cause more violence or something like that in the beginning of season 2. And that's it. I know, he's supposed to be a rebel, a wayward son, young and all that. But still, he took his role as a king quite seriously. Well, that's what they attempted to show, at least. After his injuries, we see what remains of him, which is not too different really. He's literally mourning his cock. Excuse me?? And where's Helaena? Their daughter? It's as if they no longer exist.

Oh, and let's not forget the ending where everyone is just staring into the horizon during the last 20-30 minutes of the episode. Anticlimactic, even considering the budget cuts. Perhaps, especially considering the budget cuts, because the story felt painfully stretched this season. Many scenes are unnecessarily too long. About most of them, I had a craving to cut them out (if I were editing the show). The pacing is odd, as if they needed fillers to meet the required running time for each episode.

Rhaenyra is frustrated, and that's frustrating to watch. She's a queen, but she listens too much to her sexist advisors who are supposed to be loyal regardless of her gender. They've sworn themselves to a woman but have no compassion for her. I know they probably seek to control her. But she's strong. She freaking has a dragon. I'm not saying she should threaten them, but what would they do if she did? Basically, she complains the whole season about being a woman.

Her kiss with Mysaria was really unnecessary. What did that even mean? I hoped it'd be a platonic hug of understanding. But nope. It was... awkward. And didn't seem to do anything as later they looked like it never happened. Then her meetings with Alicent, especially the last one... so flat. Why? Alicent has no choice, certainly, but why would she be so stubborn? Only to return and go "actually you know what, I've changed my mind" to Rhaenyra, who's like "great timing, you're a tad late." That made her look not desperate but kinda... stupid.

Oh, and another one of the issues from season 1 that festers in season 2 is the unstable tone. They're trying to be funny sometimes without being too funny, but it looks so off. One moment, you're trying to set a dark and dramatic tone. The next, it's a joke. Naturally, as a viewer, you'd be confused at how you're supposed to feel. Humour is usually used in drama to enhance immersion, make characters more human, build a connection and empathy between them and the viewers, and most importantly to give more emotional weight to dramatic scenes. Unfortunately, that's not the effect they're getting in House of the Dragon, which is a great shame.

I have too many questions, as you can see. Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read me, and feel free to comment or even DM me. I'd like to hear what you think and whether you share my opinion or not.

Have a great day!

[seenoversundown]

For Death Or Glory : Chapter Three

Jake x Charlotte (Fem OC)

Warnings: Anxious Themes, Drinking/Alcohol (Caravel Tavern is a bar after all), Cursing, Brief mentions of fighting (including a SMALL mention of blood) Lots of frustrated/angry tones, poorly timed jokes, and last but certainly not least- a wave of yearning.

Word Count: 3.3k

Summary: After getting the news that he didn't do everything he was meant to, Jake spends a stressful day at the bar. Trying to get everything taken care of, but it is just one of those days.

Author's Note: Happy Thursday! I honestly love this chapter so much. I've 110% had days like this and it just felt like it needed to happen. hehe okay happy reading xoxo

I'm Going Slight Mad - Queen "One wave short of a shipwreck, I'm not my usual top billing."

It started like any other day until it wasn’t. 

Caravel Crew:

Jake: hey i know you guys have today off but do you mind stopping by for a few minutes?

Daniel: We definitely can

Melody: Might have a little surprise to bring you

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Setting my phone down, I start looking over the paperwork that Charlotte left for me. Now, I’m realizing why I never filled it out. I don’t know what half of this means. When I decided to buy the bar, I had no business background. I never went to college. I just immediately started working after high school. I don’t know where the desire to own a bar came from, and I don’t know if it was partially because it was this bar, but over time, it just sounded more and more like what I wanted to do. I guess I just never thought about this side of it. 

I find myself reading the same sentences over and over. It’s becoming increasingly harder to focus on what I need to be doing. I just want to get this conversation over it.  I never have a hard time with “tough” conversations, but to be fair, all the bartenders that I’ve let go over the last 10 months have deserved it. Or they quit on their own. Melody didn’t do anything wrong, and this is entirely my fault.

“Knock, knock, hellooo” Melody’s voice quietly rings through the office. I turn seeing her and Dan stood there before I see Iris’ sweet face light up. She looks up at her mom, who’s quickly signing, ‘you can go see him’. 

“Hi, sweet girl,” I whisper out of habit. She scurries over, I pull her into a bear hug before she climbs into my lap. 

“I’m sorry I made you guys stop in, but I figured it would be easier to just talk about this in person,” I tell them.

“No, it’s really okay,” Dan says, “We had some errands to do, and Miss Thing over there loves getting to see you and Josh, so she’s not going to complain.” Glancing down at her while she looks at my necklace intently. 

“Okay, so–” I start, “The redhead who was here basically reminded me that I need to make you an official employee.”

“Okay… why do you seem nervous, though?” she questions. 

“I need to get you certified with the state, it’s not a ‘requirement’ but it definitely looks better for us,” I know I probably sound and look defeated but at this point, who am I trying to fool?

“Did I get you into some shit?” her face falls a bit. Dan reached over to her for comfort. 

“No, it’s not your fault. I was too ready to hire another person, and obviously, I know you, so I didn’t even think about it.”

‘Sad?’ Iris says, looking up at me.

I can’t help the small smile that breaks seeing her, ‘No, I’m okay,’ I tell her. Subtly making eye contact with Melody to make sure i’m signing everything correctly, which she just nods. 

“So can I not work until then or..?” 

I let out a long sigh, “I’ll just have you work with one of us until everything is done.”

Dan leans in, kissing the side of her head, before looking over at me, “Do you need help getting everything figured out?” 

“No, it shouldn’t take me too long. I just need to sit down and actually do it.”

It’s practically clockwork the way Josh appears in the doorway. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything,” he starts. But the- IS THAT MY BABYGIRL?” His voice rises as he drops into a squat. She runs into Josh’s arms, giggling the entire way. They really are a cute little pair, I think to myself. He spends a minute chatting with her before sending her back over to Dan. 

“OH- the shipment is here, by the way.”

Fucking Christ, of course it comes today. 

“I’ll be right there,” I shoot him a tight-lipped smile. 

I look back to Melody, as I’m standing up from my desk, “I will figure this out and you will still be paid for whatever days you work even before the paperwork is submitted, okay?” 

We end up talking for a few minutes before I actually make my way back into the bar. Rounding the corner, I see the next problem I have to tackle. Our entire shipment is just stacked up at the end of the hallway. 

“Josh, why didn’t you tell them to just put everything in the cooler?” I look over to him as he’s drying glasses and putting them away. He doesn’t react to my question, which is weird for someone who never stops talking. 

“Josh?” No response.

I walk towards him, which finally catches his eye, turning to me as he pulls out one of his headphones. 

“There you are, I’ve been wa-” he starts, but I can’t stop myself from cutting in. 

“Are you joking?” I snap, coming off harsher than I would like. 

“What do you mean?” 

I rub my eyes harder than I probably should before looking at him again, “Why didn’t you tell them to put the cases of beer in the cooler?”

“What do you mean..” he turns, seeing the shipment sitting at the end of the bar, “Oh.. oh my god.. I didn’t think they would start bringing it in until you signed for it.”

I inhale slowly, staring at him and doing my best not to lose it. It’s fine; everything will be fine. Just sign for the shipment and start moving everything. Maybe Dan won’t mind helping for a few minutes. 

“It’s fine,” I grab his arm gently. 'I’m sorry. It’s not a big deal.” I turn away from him, head outside, and sign for everything. Nothing more than a ‘thanks so much, have a good one’, and then I’m back inside, ready for whatever else is going to go wrong today. If I only knew. 

Thankful that Dan is at the bar talking to Josh, I quickly walk over to him, 

“Where’d the girls go?”

“Mel took Iris to the car. The little lady was getting antsy,”

“Do you mind helping me get these out of the way?” He glances over, his eyes going wide, before nodding. 

The two of us have spent a lot of time working together, given the shipyard and all. I think we would both agree that having someone there that we knew made the experience a bit better. It’s not the most exhilarating job you could have, but it pays well and has benefits. Which, when you’re in your early twenties, is about all you can ask for. 

We both round the corner into the cooler and set everything down, just on the floor so we can organize it at some point today. Just another thing I’ll need to take care of now. 

“Do you need me to work tonight?” he asks quietly. 

“What? No, I already feel bad making the two of you stop by. Enjoy your day off.” I probably could use the help today but, none of this is his fault, so I’m not going to make him come in. 

“Are you sure? I don’t mind, really.” 

“I’m positive. I appreciate you just helping me move these, so I didn’t have to ask Josh,” we both laugh at the thought of Josh lugging cases of beer around.  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

I don’t know how long I’ve been in this cooler, but I’m nearing the end of organizing and taking inventory of what we have. We probably should have done this sooner because we definitely could have used a few more things. Setting my notebook down, trying to move things around, I hear a faint, ‘Hey Jake,’ coming through the wall. I finish shifting some of the beers around to make more sense before grabbing my notebook and making my way back out to the bar. 

I only make it a few steps down the hall before I hear chatter coming from the bar. That’s weird? Sliding my phone out of my pocket, it is Tuesday, right? Why is it so loud out there? Picking up my pace, I toss the notebook onto my desk in passing. Rounding the corner behind the bar, I saw a slew of faces at the bar, and most of the tables were filled. 

“Uh, what the fuck is going on?” I lean into Josh so nobody can hear me. 

“I have been trying to figure that out this whole time,” he whispers back, “Did you not hear me call for you?” 

“No, I did, I just didn’t think it was for this.” 

He looks at me, clearly scattered, “I have the bar handled,” 

I just nod, hustling out to the tables one by one, taking orders. I spend most of my time behind the bar; usually Josh is the one running to tables and charming everyone who comes in. 

I run drinks to each table, making sure everybody is good for a few. After what feels like the thousandth time walking behind the bar, I cave.

Jake: hey bud, is there any chance you can come help? We’re swamped and it’s just josh and i. Please I’ll pay you for real 

Sam: I guess I can. Bird and Quinn wanna watch some shitty tv show anyway

Jake: youre the best 

“Sam’s on his way,” I whisper to Josh as he’s pouring a fresh beer for someone. 

He breathes out, “Thank God,” sliding the fresh beer across the bar. I don’t know where all of them are coming from.” The door chime rings quietly amongst the bar chatter, and the music flows from the jukebox as more people happily saunter through. 

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Once Sam came in, things got a bit easier, and I only had to run drinks to people rather than bussing the tables as I was taking orders. Josh continued tending the bar. It’s absurd for a Tuesday to be this busy. Nobody has a clear answer on why they all ended up here tonight, either. I’ll take busy over a typical boring Tuesday night around here– 

“Ooooooooo,” every patron of the bar collectively says in a chorus of ooo’s and ahhh’s. Looking over to Sam, who may as well have his tail between his legs, standing in front of a pile of broken glasses. Fuck. 

I hustle over to him, “What happened?” 

“I was just trying to save a trip, so I had a shit load of glasses, and then well.. I sorta tripped myself.” 

I let out a long breath, trying not to laugh at how nervous he seems, “You and Willa really are a match made in heaven, huh?” I sneak past him and the broken glass, “Stay here. I’ll grab a broom.” 

Stopping in my office quickly, order some more glasses, I scribble into my notebook. 

“Here, I’ll do it,” he reaches out, taking the broom and dustpan from me. His eyebrows are still pulled together as he sets the dustpan on the chair next to him. 

I grab his arm gently, “I’m not mad at you, Sam.” I squeeze his arm a few times before he squats down to clean up the mess, and I go back to running around like a headless chicken.  

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It takes us a bit to get into a good flow, but between the three of us, we’ve managed. I don’t think the bar has ever been this busy during the week. Josh and I have switched so he can get out and talk to more people, which he’s definitely more comfortable doing. I found myself back behind the bar, which I feel like I can handle a bit better because it’s fewer people to focus on. Sam doing everything he can to help us keep up between bussing tables, running drinks, and washing glasses. 

Tapping my phone screen, 11:45 pm glows back at me. Thank God we’re almost there. Even though I never finished the paperwork I should have, at least this night is so close to being over. I set the shaker in the sink, turning around quickly to grab a fresh napkin to put underneath the glass, when I hear ‘ope’ escape Josh loudly. Of course, not before I feel the chill of a fresh beer soaking through my pant leg. 

“Sick.” I mutter, trying not to make a big deal out of it. I grab the napkin and the drink sliding them over to the customer. Nothing like wet denim. 

“Jake, I’m sorry,” Josh cringes, looking over at me as he pours another beer from the tap.

I take a deep breath, fighting the urge to be angry, yet again. I grab a shot glass and whatever bottle of Whiskey my hand lands on. I poured it for myself quickly and threw it back. Grimacing at the burn it leaves in my throat. 

“Drinking on the-” Josh starts, and immediately stops when I whip my head over to him with a tight-lipped smile and my eyes wide, “Carry on!” he backs off slowly.  

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The night goes on, my beer-soaked jeans and all. People start filtering out around midnight, which is pretty typical. We get mild enjoyment from watching the drunk girls try to walk on the cobblestone just across the street from us, which at this rate, might be the best thing to happen to me today. The three of us have a laugh together as we watch someone have to catch their girlfriend mid-fall when we hear the worst possible sound at 12:35am.  

‘What the fuck did you just say to me?’ cuts through everyone’s chatter. 

Stopping me in my tracks. Why does that voice sound familiar? I start walking towards the sound to realize who it is. Shit, shit, shit. Why didn’t I take Dan up on working tonight? I look at Josh, mouthing, ‘You stay here.’

Another loud ‘You motherfucker’ caused more people to look. 

Weaving between people who naturally have stood up to see what’s going on. For fucks sake, this would happen. Letting out a quiet “excuse me, sorry” as I nudge my way through, I manage to make it to the problem just as another good contact punch was thrown. Fucking Craig.

“Are you fucking joking?” I ask louder than usual. He turns to face me, and I can tell he’s realized he was caught.

“Excuse me?” the bigger one spits out. 

“Why are you in my bar, Greg?” I laugh, watching blood slowly leak from his nose. 

“It’s Craig,”

“I don’t care, why are you here?”

“I mean I just-“

“You just what? You just came here to start shit in my bar? AGAIN?” My voice slowly rose; the pent-up anger from today started to seep out. 

I grab his shirt as I get closer to him, the blood from his nose creeping over his mouth. 

“I told you to stay out of here, and you disrespected me this time,” I ball up his shirt in my fist tighter, “now leave, you piece of shit.” Shoving him towards the door, he stumbles into a table. 

He makes his way to the door, turning back to me, “Yeah, well, fuck you and your brother!” hollering as he walks out into the night. 

“How will I ever recover?” I laugh to myself. 

I look over to the guy who punched Craig, where Sam is already stood in front of him. 

“Jeff, right?” 

Oh, Sammy boy I’ll let you have this one. 

“Uhh-“ 

“Yeah, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave..” Sam tells him, grabbing his arm and gesturing to the door. 

“Why do I have to leave? He started it?” 

The grimace on Sam's face at his rebuttal making me laugh before he spits out, “Yeaahhh… and you punched him so.. I think it’s obvious,” 

“So.. you like getting in bar fights AND ditching women on dates?” Sam asks. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“You’re a real stand-up guy, Jeff,” Sam says, the sarcasm alone should sober him up enough to drive. I watch as Sam opens the door and pushes him through, turning to me with a shit-eating grin on his face. 

“God, that felt good. I knew that dude was a prick,” he barks out a laugh. 

Spending a couple minutes mingling amongst the tables who were close to the action, making sure everybody is okay and apologizing for the unfortunate disturbance. Grateful that nobody was truly upset, and honestly, they kept applauding me for taking care of it. Maybe I’m actually okay at this? I hadn’t really needed to break up many fights here since we opened, because Dan usually gets people out before it starts. 

I walk up behind Josh, leaning close to him so only he can hear, “I doubt he’ll ever try to come back now.” 

His face turned towards me, “Did he actually get hit?”

“Oh, absolutely. His nose was probably broken.”

His smile grows, “He deserved that.”

“Yeah he did,” I laughed because nobody deserved it more than him. 

The rest of the night went smoothly. Everybody started filtering out, and we were down to just a handful by 1:45 am. Grateful they had all already paid, they were heading towards the door by the time good ole Bob began to play through the speakers. I don’t know if that’s offensive to Bob or if they can tell we want to go home.

 We only spent a few minutes cleaning up before I told Sam to go home. Promising him, I would send him money as soon as I finished up here and locked the front door behind him. 

“Let’s finish this tomorrow, Bub,” I tell him as I’m walking back over to the bar, “It’s been a long enough day.” 

I’ve never seen someone drop what they’re doing faster. Throwing the cleaning rag under the bar and grabbing his phone, I watch him hustle to the back door. It’s hard not to laugh at it, maybe it’s the exhaustion. Shutting all the lights off as I walk through and locking up the bar, we’re finally free. The paperwork will be a future me problem.  

“Tomorrow’s a new day,” Josh says quietly, squeezing my shoulder as we walk into the stairwell.

I take a deep breath, letting it out with a, “You’re right.” 

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We quietly get into the apartment. Considering the night we both endured, we don’t really say much past ‘goodnight’. I fall back into my bed, just staring at the ceiling for a few minutes. First thing tomorrow, I’ll get those forms filled out. I just need to focus. Today was a mess, so maybe a fresh set of eyes will help. 

Tossing my jeans that smell horrendous at the pile of dirty laundry as I make myself more comfortable. Scrolling through my phone for a minute to try and decompress from the day, my stomach drops. 

‘People you may know..’  on Instagram will always haunt me, full of people I went to high school with that I no longer talk to. This time though feels like torture. 

‘Charlotte Rhodes’ sits there for a second before my curiosity gets the best of me. I tap on her name, revealing that her account is private. I should have known; she seemed fairly reserved, but I couldn’t resist clicking on her profile picture. 

Her loose red waves pass her shoulders, her freckles on display. This must be from summer, and she looks like she’s been in the sun. The way she is laughing; her smile is so big. The green of her eyes peeks through even if she’s squinting. Whoever took this photo is lucky to have her look at them like this.  

I linger on her photo for longer than I should admit, but lord have mercy, she is beautiful. ‘You really run a tight ship around here, huh?’ plays in my head. My heart feels weird thinking about it. I know I’m probably overthinking it, but in my head, that was her way of subtly flirting. Even if I promptly made a fool of myself after. The boys will never let that one go, either. My eyes start to feel heavy, and I toss my phone onto my nightstand. I lay there in the dark, closing my eyes and hoping to fall asleep soon. But my mind won’t ease up; all I can think of is her.

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Chapter Two

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[fanficshiddles]

The Redbridge Hunts, Chapter 46

Claire was quite concerned with how worried and on edge Loki seemed to be. It made her on edge, too.

When they got home, Matt and David came round about an hour later.

‘You really think Chris will try something?’ Matt asked Loki as the three vampires sat at the table in the kitchen with a beer, while Claire cooked dinner with a glass of wine.

Bat was on the table too, like she was listening intently to the conversation, though she did keep an eye on Claire too incase there was any food on offer.

Loki had said they’d just order takeaway, but Claire offered to cook. She was planning to make stew, knowing how much Loki loves it. Though the thought of having to fight with three vampires for the toilet wouldn’t be ideal, as she knew Loki would have a tantrum if she didn’t add garlic. So she just opted for something else entirely and was cooking up lasagne.

‘Definitely. I’ve never seen him so angry before, if dad hadn’t been there, he would’ve killed me. Without a doubt.’ Loki said with certainty.

Matt and David’s eyebrows shot upwards. ‘Do you really think having us two as backup will help if he does come knocking?’ David asked as he took a big swig of his beer.

‘One of you can try and keep him from killing me while the other goes to get my dad.’ Loki said as he also took a big mouthful of beer.

‘I’ll get your dad!’ Both Matt and David said at the same time.

Claire wanted to laugh, but the situation was quite worrying she couldn’t really see the humour in it. Her stomach was in knots, even though she knew having Matt and David here was a bit of extra security.

When dinner was ready, they all sat around the table to eat. They were a bit calmer and able to enjoy their food as they chatted away about other things. Bat had her own little plate of some mince that Claire had left to the side for her without any onions or sauce in it.

‘You spoil that cat.’ Matt laughed as he reached over to stroke said cat.

‘At least now I can blame it all on Claire.’ Loki teased with a smirk.

‘Pssssht. She was already spoiled rotten before I even knew you, don’t deny it!’ Claire argued back as she pointed her fork at him, making him chuckle.

‘Exactly. Remember that time it was Severus’ birthday, we all got him a cake and you snuck a piece home, just for Bat?’ David reminded him.

Loki looked a little sheepish as he shrugged. ‘Well… Bat should get to enjoy the celebrations that we do, too.’

‘That’s why she was so desperate to get at my birthday cake, she has a sweet tooth.’ Claire laughed.

‘She does.’ Loki sighed. ‘She’s rather partial to a little bit of baileys too on an evening.’

Claire giggled, while David and Matt shook their heads in disbelief. Bat let out a small chirp from the side of the table.

After dinner, Loki did the dishes while the others went through to the living room to relax for a while before going to bed.

‘Has Loki ever been this worried about Chris trying to hurt him before?’ Claire asked quietly, though she wouldn’t be surprised if Loki could still hear her from the kitchen.

‘No, not that I can think of.’ David shook his head.

‘Chris loves his job, he does it take it seriously. He does care for the students and his teachers, this will be a big blow to him for sure.’ Matt said.

‘I don’t get why they want to change things up. I mean, Loki would be a great head teacher if he does decide to take it.’ Claire said softly.

‘He really would.’ Matt agreed.

‘Do you think he will take the job, if Chris can’t get them to change their minds?’ David asked Claire.

‘I’m not sure, he hasn’t really said much about it. I think he’s too worried about what Chris might do right now.’ Claire sighed.

‘Well, we will do our best to help if trouble does come knocking.’ David said firmly.

-

For the following few days, there was no sign of Chris. It was like he’d gone off the radar completely. Loki had relaxed a little bit, though was still on edge. Matt and David had said they’d be happy to stay more nights, but Loki didn’t want to burden them anymore. They said they’d be on the end of the phone, if anything did happen to call them and just hang up after one ring, they’d be straight there.

‘I don’t know whether to be more worried or not that Chris has just gone completely AWOL.’ Loki said to Claire on Thursday morning while they prepped for the day ahead.

‘It is strange. Though maybe for the best, maybe he’s clearing his head and will come back calmer. Hopefully…’

‘I certainly hope so.’ Loki said as Claire walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him, he smiled and kissed her forehead. ‘Thank you for putting up with me this week. I know I’ve been antsy and probably not easy to be around.’

‘So… what’s been the change?’ Claire teased.

Loki growled at her and tickled her sides, making her giggle.

‘You’ve been fine, love. I know it’s worrying, you don’t need to apologise.’ Claire assured him and pressed her head in against his chest.

Loki ran his fingers through her hair, she always soothed him. He would be lost without her, that was for sure.

‘Hopefully he comes back before Saturday night’s party, I don’t know if I’ll be able to fully enjoy the Halloween night if I’m constantly worrying and looking around for him.’ Loki sighed.

‘I doubt he’d try anything at the party, besides if he does, there’s plenty of vampires around to protect you. It will probably be safer than being at home!’ Claire said as she looked up at him, resting her chin on his chest.

Loki smiled and nodded. ‘That’s very true.’ He hummed.

‘It’ll be fine.’ Claire said confidently as she reluctantly pulled away from him to place some textbooks on everyone’s table. ‘He’s bound to have calmed down by now, it’s been a few days. I think if he was going to do something dangerous, he would’ve done it already.’

Loki smiled across the room at her and nodded. ‘You’re right, darling.’

-

In a small underground nightclub, in a city across the country, around forty or so bodies lay strewn in various predicaments around the place.

The flashing lights still lit up the room sporadically in a multitude of colours. Music continued to blare out from the DJ system, even though the DJ lay lifeless across the mixing table, blood dripping from his neck with a huge chunk of flesh torn out.

The security guard’s bodies could be found just inside the doorway, in a puddle of their own blood. The few bartenders that had been working that night lay dead behind the bar, smashed glasses beside them.

One man who was left, the last one alive, scrambled backwards to get away from the monster that had arrived just mere minutes ago, causing the carnage inside, he’d watched his girlfriend get torn to pieces right on front of him. Trying to save her had been pointless, he was simply tossed across the room.

Now, the monster was after him. He’d fallen over and was backed to the wall on the ground, crying and pleading for his life. He’d been happily drunk just five minutes previously, but seeing the massacre had rapidly sobered him up.

The vampire was covered in blood, his clothes were soaked in it. His mouth dripped with so much blood as his fangs remained visible. His eyes were a terrifying deep dark red.

‘No amount of pleading will save you.’ The vampire snarled, then without more fooling around he launched for him.

He went straight for the neck of course, the sound of the man screaming in agony was like music to the vampire’s ears as he sucked the blood out of him.

From the adrenaline of fear, the man’s heart was working overtime and sent so much blood through his veins that just got sucked right out. The man turned pale white and passed out, before dying shortly after. The vampire could hear the man’s heartbeat slow, then it came to a complete stop.

Once he’d had his fill, the vampire dropped the body to his feet and he stood up straight. He looked around the room, at the sea of bodies, while he breathed in deeply. There wasn’t one survivor, no heartbeat could be heard.

He let out an angry snarl as he punched the wall, putting a large hole right through. It just wasn’t enough. It didn’t help ease his anger and pain one bit.

‘No… I know exactly what I need to do back in Redbridge.’ Chris snarled.

[alphaketoglutaricacid]

Namari is the first of laios old party that gets reintroduced into the story before dungeon meshi really shows it's hand about the bigger themes it wants to tackle. Theres a lot of sneaky setup during her two chapters. Lets talk about her!

Dungeon meshi starts out as kind of a straight forward fun dungeon adventure amoungst adventurers and friends. Namari notably, throws a wrench in this perception while maintaining that lighthearted tone--notably, through introducing the fact Laios is a weak leader. Namari was in the party since the start. She was clearly in a bad situation at the time where adventuring was her only option bc she didnt have enough money to even get off the island. Despite that, she stayed in the party despite the fact she needs money bc she liked the comraderie. Sad that she felt like she had to choose between getting out of debt or having ppl she could be honest to.

All three party members who left did not have their needs properly met. Falin let her life be dictated by laios and marcille and was too passive to try to make choices for herself. She ends up getting eaten trying to save them + then puppetted around by thistle as a result of marcilles attempt (sucess) at reviving her (+ ends up starving the whole time) . I think shuro got kidnapped into laios party and then steamrolled over bc hes just so bad at saying no + also seemed to have never chosen anything for himself in his lyfe.

Theres a clear parallel between laios lack of attention towards these threes needs and his lack of attention that he was hungry at the fight.

Laios treated his like a group of friends going out adventuring without any regard to the needs of the group. Yeah, you could say they couldve told him, but as a leader its kinda ur job to actively keep tabs on this. And Namari really exemplifies this bc she really is in dire straits, her joining the party was out of desparation, and her need for money was getting ignored for years. That she even brought this up to the siblings and they still went on a dangerous expedition and didn't take missions aimed at making money is kinda like.. wow......

It takes a near death experience for her to realize she has really got to go actually achieve her goals —but crucially I feel if laios took more jobs to make money, she wouldnt have left at that crucial moment. I think theres an argument to be made that shuro probs wouldnt have left if namari didnt bc hes a passivity king and may have been more willing to get his retainers to work w laios party if they didnt both mutually agree laios wasnt cut out to lead the party to try to rescue falin. Which I dont think is an unfair assessment of his skills at the time.

Like he is well intentioned and doesnt mean anything bad by it but theres a limit to the amount of carelessness you can have as a leader. Later on, shuros going to have similar complaints and hes going to be much less nice abt it.

Anyways, i think its interesting the party namari aligns herself w afterwards is the right hand man of the lord of the island, awfully close to the occupation her father held before he disapeared after getting caught for money laundering. In her intro, she keeps her guard up from mr tansu and the party bc shes jaded about either having to accept a job for money or to be friends w her new party. I think this may be partially bc she let herself get dragged around for too long in laios party bc she had a soft spot for em. But after sharing a meal , having laios affirm his trust in her, and actively communicating w mr tansu shes able to get both the money she needs to climb outta debt and a good working relationship w the tansus and the twins by clarifying specifically how she feels. I think tansus a bit suspicious bc he thinks shes just in for the money and disregards her feelings as a result. I think theres a bit of an undertone that the way he treats her like a human shield reminds her of how she was cleaning up her fathers messes all the time as a kid.

Crucially, I think this is the turning point for how she acts bc she has so much love to give to the world! She needed to have this basic need taken care of before she oculd help other people. She goes down to the morgue to check for falin. She agrees to help kabru after hearing his motives w utaya even tho theres nothing in it for her. Shes the one who reaches her hand up to support him when he almost gets trampled by the adventurers in the dungeon.

I think seeing ppl help him without asking anything in return helped kabru be more open towards other, which leads to him throwing his lot w laios despite all his doubts.

Doesnt rat out laios party under the threat of interregation tho also it seemed shuro was just 🤐 abt it. She tells tansu shes headed down w shuros retainers to rescue him when he gets kicked like a football into the dungeon - also a nice bit of character development that she clearly wants to help laios w the water spirit and only goes w tansus permission, but here she takes the initiative and tells him she'll report if she sees anything funny. Crucially she throws her lot against the elves, who are the closest to power at great risk to herself. (tho lowkey she may lose her livelihood if the elves take over so there may be a bit of self interest there + her patron is in charge of some of it).

constantly asking shuro for his input bc she knows hes shy

able to support marcille when shes in tears after losing her dream falin and laios despite feeling awkward towards her (kinda interesting parallel w how shuro feels hes bad w laios

For the two of em, think laios failed them as their leader, so they leave. And afterwards, their relationship improves bc they can truely dedicate themselves to what they want from him as their friends--running a legendary sabatoge against the elf cops so he doesnt go to jail!!!

I think theres something to the fact shes the one shown being eaten by the lion when time stops. Then also the one in the mana realm happy that she’d never have to struggle or hunger again. Her whole life seemed to be cleaning up her fathers messes, getting cast out for her fathers messes, just a constant struggle w the dwarves not seeing her as someone worth being in their community and drifting around without a place to belong. Even tho she found ppl now it doesnt change what happened w her. It's sad. But she also accepts she has to go back and face the future.

her love for music and dance is interesting- how like something communal that draws others in spontaneously is something she feels close to

also interesting is her interactions w other races--seems like she primarily interacted w dwarves for the first few years of her life, w just tenous connections to people of other races and it was getting so suddenly ejected that got her there. No coincidence that shes the one who goes in between the orcs and elves towards the finale to go hey we are on the same side. Also not a coincidence she gets along so well w the twins who were abandoned by their families and taken in by gnomes but also always feeling a little out of place in that community.

Tansu clearly stand in for her dad : ( her mom walked out when she was young : ( honestly im really happy she gets a family of a sort w them.

Im also glad she still has her own interest in weaponry and design even tho its tainted w her fathers actions

Her friendship w shuro is so fun. You wouldn't expect them to get along so well bc they seem so different on the surface and namaris blunt in a way that ud think be offputting to shuro and he kinda indirect in a way that would piss her off but theyre very often on the same wavelength.

da warriors bond...no words are needed i think they might be using telepathy. once u get below the surface they have a lot in common.

family issues so severe it managed to creep onto a thrid person thats not their parent

pretty pragmatic ppl at their core (eg. shuros less mad about ancient magic being wrong and more that theyre gonna go to jail for 10000 years before chimera falin apears, his gripe about eating monsters seems more being about youll get food poisening that way etc. namari placing herself close to power in her new party, her insistance on getting paid, checkin the morgue for falin,when things get too complicated she focuses on what she can do now).

seemed to have suffered pretty badly under laios leadership

both seem to be treated as outcasts on the island, namari despite growing up there , shuro for being a forienger even tho 4/6 ppl on his party are foreign

theres interesting contrasts w her replacement senshi, in the way theyre both outcasts in the dwarven community and the way their family/partys legacies weigh heavily for them. but i ran out of steam

shes good at keeping ppl grounded and has a good inventory of ppls strengths. of the three ppl who left the party, i think she has the best potential to be a good leader at the start.

shes pretty linked to the community of adventurers as a whole but (u guessed it) i ran out of steam

I think a lot of her role in the story parallels w the theme that u need careful boundaries and consideration of other ppls needs to be an effective leader, something chilchuck hits upon a lot. but also you need to take care of your own needs first (senshis running theme) and be able to take good inventory of your desires to face the future (izutsumis running theme)

[chriscrosswallflower-blog]

Alright, I have finally finished watching a Good Girl's Guide to Murder and I collected my thoughts as I went. Overall I really enjoyed it, though some of the plot changes weren't my favorite.

Spoilers below for the TV show!

Things I Loved

How awkward Pip is - I don't think we get a good look at this in the book since it is mostly through Pip's eyes, but I love how goofy and awkward she is!

Pip's friendship group! I love how much closer they seem in the show and how they accept Pip as the weirdo she is without a single thought, especially since she is different from them in so many ways. I also love seeing more of Connor and his funny personality

I love that we get to see more of Cara and Pip's relationship - they are precious and you can tell how ride or die they are for each other

Lauren - she adds so much to their friend group and I just love her so much. Ant, stay tf away from this baby!

The PipRavi sleepover - my heart couldn't take it!

I like the introduction of the da Silva siblings backstory. In the books they seemed pretty estranged so it's not as obvious why Nat is upset about Pip accusing her brother. Obviously that would bother anyone to an extent but with the introduction of how close they are/were it will make a lot more sense moving forward

Max (and Dan honestly) seem creepy from the start. I swear anytime either of them came on screen I got a terrible feeling - though Dan did begin to seem more good intentioned after talking to Pip in the police car (still creepy though)

Name drops of characters that will be important later - non-readers won't think anything of it but it's funny to hear Stella and Jamie name dropped so casually

It's interesting to see Mr. Ward acting so normal and casual - he does the same thing in the books but seeing it is so unnerving. I think the plot line of him forcing Pip to change her EPQ really adds another layer to his character too

BARNEY'S FUNERAL AND THE TENNIS BALLS!!! 😭 the "why didn't anyone help him" almost broke me.

Ravi being the one to suggest that they call off the investigation hits so damn hard. He feels so hopeless and trapped but the only thing he cares about is protecting and reassuring Pip

Since we have a more objective POV, I love seeing the little signs of how smitten Pip is with Ravi from the beginning - much more than she ever acknowledges in the book

Pip going in the junk yard scared the hell out of me - she got wayyy too close to DTK there.

Becca and Andie being close makes her death so much more tragic

Cara has a TRACKER on Pip?! "Maybe she's not as smart as she thinks she is," man I cackled!

OMG Sal and Andie talking about running away together hurt so bad - seeing how much they loved each other makes the whole story so much more heart breaking

Regardless of if it's in the book or in the show - Mr. Ward talking about how he talked to Sal about Cambridge so he would die thinking about something good will always turn my stomach. That man is such a disgusting mfer

Pip threatening Max at the very end is so amazing. That little pat on the shoulder? 🤌🤌

Things I disliked

Pip seems a lot less informed in the show - like seriously, book Pip would be horrified. You broke into the Bell's house without GLOVES?

I think this is partially because we don't see Pip's POV and much about her suspects - the only two people she really seems to suspect are Dan and Jason and that really only comes into play at the end. I wonder if people who just watch the show will even guess that she suspected Naomi, Nat, and even Howie throughout most of the book

I think we all mourn for "real men wear floral when trespassing" 😢

Honestly, the storyline with Pip's dad might be my least favorite thing. I loved their cute, playful relationship in the book and how she ardently defends her blended family, but in the show, even before the cheating thing, it seems like she didn't really like him? That made me so sad! (Also, does he call her chicken in the UK edition of the books? I really liked Pickle as a nickname!)

Nat's storyline is strange, like I understand to an extent why they did it but book Nat would have a fit if she figured out she was supposedly friends with Andie 😂 I think she loses quite a bit of her character building when we leave out how much her nudes getting leaked affected her (it seems like almost a minor thing in the show) and her act of violence while trying to go to college that put her on probation. Especially since it's a large reason why Pip suspected her in the first place (her reasoning seems pretty weak in the show)

Where the heck is Stanley?! He's pretty important for season 2; of all the characters to cut you wouldn't think it would be him!

I really miss the scene where Ravi and Pip recreated the timeline to prove Sal's innocence - it was such a potent moment!

I miss hearing Naomi's backstory - we get a bit of it implicitly by the way she acts and her confession, but I think it adds a lot to her character to know more about her anxiety and depression and how it caused her to drop out of college

We miss some of Pip's bad ass moments! Again, this is possibly because we are seeing things from an objective POV and we can't see inside of her head, but I loved reading about how knowledgeable she is about true crime, how much research she did, and how much that informed her actions. I also missed seeing how much she defended the Singh family and Ravi specifically. That scene in the grocery store where she told off the cashier for being so rude to Ravi is one that I dearly miss

Pip accusing Max of raping Becca doesn't hit as hard when she did it over the phone and I hate that he didn't truly confess like he did in the book. And they didn't bring up Nat's rape at all (or Nat in general very much). Her confronting Max and Naomi was such a badass moment for Pip and I'm sad that we missed it

Becca's wig in that flashback. Yikes.

Becca taking Pip to the well (or whatever it is - I feel like it was called something else but it's not coming to mind) made her seem less sympathetic to me than when she just drugged her without much of a plan. "Now I'm going to have to put you in there with her," was so freaking sinister

Things I'm not sure about

In some ways I like the addition of Pip seeing Andie and Sal after they obviously argued - the guilt she felt after that and how that would motivate her to look into the case makes a lot of sense. However, I think I prefer her only looking into the case because she trusted and believed in Sal because of how kind he was to her. I think that the fact that she rarely doubted Sal in the books was really compelling and we lose a lot of that when Pip is concerned that she might have played a part in Sal finding Andie after their fight, therefore possibly contributing to her death

I don't think the video to lure the killer out was necessary but I think they did it to move the story along quicker. I wish we could have seen more of Pip's notes since that is what they wanted in the books when they kidnapped (dognapped?) Barney

I think I prefer them finding Andie's planner over the note in her bunny - it seems to make more sense than just a random note and I like how it gives us a small look into her life (her struggling to read the Revengers was a cute little detail and showed us that she is still a teenager). That being said, the note does the job and it feels a bit nit picky, so I'm not super upset by it

Having Isla tell Pip about Sal's murder was interesting - I'm not super mad about it but it definitely changed a lot, especially since neither of them think she's Andie and he keeps her captive to further hide Sal's murder. Somehow it makes Mr. Ward even more sinister

Having the plot line of Ravi leaving, coming back, and then him and Cara track her down was definitely different. I can decide which way I prefer it. Ravi leaving seemed really random and rushed but I did like that Cara had a part in her rescue (see the hilarity of the tracker above)

Though I enjoyed seeing PipRavi get together by the end of the season, I will miss their awkward tip toeing around each other as Ravi tries to ask her out!

All in all I really enjoyed it - I think it's one of those that I'll also get a lot out of after rewatching it. If you got this far, first off, I'm impressed! And second, let me know your thoughts!!

[swearyshera]

So we are at the end of the road on something that has always been about the journey, not the destination.  I’ve taken my time to gather some thoughts.  This blog has meant a lot to many people, not the least of which is me.  I’ve had a hard time these last few years – I think it’s been hard times for everyone, in one way or another.  Personally, I seem to remember discovering this blog not too long before I had a breakdown and handled it very poorly, making bad decisions that cost me a lot of friends, or at least people whom I thought were my friends up until a breaking point.  (Your blog was unrelated to this).  When I came out of hospitalization I had a few things to rely upon – a video therapy group was one, certain family members and, well, as silly as it sounds, hitting up tumblr for my daily dose of Sweary She-Ra to make me laugh. And then in mid-January, 2023, one of the people who was closest to me in my entire life died suddenly of technically unknown cause but considering his health issues, probably a heart-issue. It was sudden and devastating.  We shared She-Ra and the Princesses of Power together because he was kind of curious about it and I was a nostalgia-fan of the ‘80s series.  We both became massive fans of Entrapta.  In fact, my nephew / best friend got me into the fandom in the first place because he had a silly idea for a fanfic about Entrapta wrecking havoc in the Fright Zone just post first-season and had little confidence in his fanfic writing, but decided to pass along said idea to me, an inveterate fic-writer for many fandoms.  I was put through the wringer this year – it’s the first time I’ve been in partial charge of a memorial service.  I am feeling better now than I did at the beginning of this year because I’ve found the strength to keep doing things that he and I liked to do together and time helps.  And again, in all of this, I had a silly little comic where a sparkly purple princess calls people “twattingler,” others make liberal use of the word that originally meant Fornication Under Consent of the King, one character swears all the time but apologizes for it, one character is contractually obligated to use Ned Flanders style cursing and there’s a fourth wall breaker and an incompetent boss with indecipherable accent and Marxist unicorns and all the rest.  No matter what was happening with my emotions I could just… take a little break and look at the funny fancomic.  Sweary She-Ra for me has been like a warm mug of tea on a cold day or a bowl of baked macaroni and cheese with a butter-cracker crust made out of the old 1960-70 something Betty Crocker cookbook.  It’s been Internet comfort food that has been sorely needed at times.  So thank you.  I just want to thank you for this funny little fan project.  I don’t think you have any idea how much it has meant to your audience.  @freedfromthegalactichivemind

And I don't know if the audience has any idea how much it has meant to me!

When I started this, things were pretty shit, weren't they? Here in the UK we'd just come out of the second Covid Lockdown, with the third expected to happen imminently; the weather was miserable, we'd barely seen our friends in months, the world in general just sucked. And I'd love to say that I felt a calling to break through that with some humour, but no... it was nothing like that. This is what happened...

And so it all went from there.

I almost just went for random scenes as I thought of them, rather than starting from the beginning. But I thought "Eh, fuck it, let's see how far I get", and the rest is history.

Even as the storylines got more complex (bear in mind, I started purely with the intention to do the original script with a few swear words peppered in), I always wanted to keep things upbeat. The painful moments are those 'this is the good stuff, hurt me more' moments rather than actually horrifying things - I know there's been a couple of exceptions, but in general it's held true.

But I've always been driven by one thing - the world isn't very funny right now; it's stressful, sometimes downright terrifying. And if I can alleviate that for ten, twenty seconds per day and make that tiny bit of difference to someone, then I consider that a job done. I'm not out here claiming to have the cure for depression, or some kind of plan to save the world, but I (hopefully) can make a few people smile in the midst of all the shit that's happening, even if it's just for a moment.

So much has changed in the last three years, but this blog has been such a central part of my world, it'll be weird when it's over (maybe that's why I don't want to stop there!). But if this coming Friday really is the last chapter in this part of my life, I'll still be happy that it happened. And if you've ever smiled or laughed at the blog, I'm happy that happened as well.

[shivunin]

A Gravity Assist

For @greypetrel for Christmas/New Year's c: I was inspired by the piece you wrote about Aisling and Maria in the Western Approach. Here are our girls doing more questionable science! Happy new year, and I am very glad to know you 💗

(Maria Hawke & Aisling Lavellan | 3,042 Words | No Warnings)

Gravity Assist: A maneuver done in space in which a vessel is pulled partially into the gravity of a celestial body in order to alter its trajectory or speed (sometimes called a slingshot maneuver)

“You like her?” Varric said, peering down at the sheet of parchment before him. 

It was late. Most of the Great Hall’s occupants had wandered off or gone on to other duties, and Skyhold slept quietly around them. Hawke swirled the liquor in her glass for a moment, considering her answer. She didn’t need to ask who he meant, of course. There was only one “her” that really counted around here. 

“I do,” she said at last, and searched for the right words to explain why. 

While she’d been trying to become truly anonymous in the Ferelden countryside, Varric had been here and in Haven, helping to build the organization she sought help from now. Obviously, she’d come here with half an intention to stage a rescue. If Varric had actually been held here against his will, she rather thought she would have pulled it off, too. She’d been surprised to find that he was here entirely of his own volition, and even more surprised to find that it…suited him. 

Hawke had arrived at Skyhold wary, though not actually planning to act against the Inquisition. She’d intended to help to the extent that she could—with Carver’s life on the line, how could she do anything else?—but she hadn’t expected to enjoy it very much. She certainly hadn’t expected to find the much-lauded Herald of Andraste…earnest. Kind. Damn good company. 

“You didn’t want to,” Varric went on, plainly following her own thoughts, and Maria laughed. 

“No, I can’t say I did. I was expecting someone more…Oh, self-important, I suppose. Like the nobility back home. I’d heard she was an elf, of course, but I heard just as many say she was any number of other things. It didn’t occur to me that she would be so good at…” she paused, gesturing with the glass while she thought, “experiments.”

“She is that,” Varric said, tapping his quill into the inkwell and scrawling a single line onto the next page before setting it aside to dry. “Couldn’t stop her if we tried, and Curly certainly wanted to try.” 

“Did he now?” Hawke asked, and Varric laughed. 

“Leave it, Hawke. They’re both in one piece, aren’t they? She doesn’t need someone to defend her. She’s got plenty. And, ah—” he laughed, one of the knowing chuckles that’d driven her mad when they’d first begun to know each other, “—I don’t think you need to defend Aisling from the Commander.”

Maria hummed and lifted her glass again. For a time, they were quiet. The fire was plenty engrossing to watch, and the soft scribble of Varric’s quill on parchment was a familiar sort of accompaniment to her thoughts. The whiskey was warm on her tongue when she sipped it, and it was all rather cozy. 

She didn’t like the comfort of  it. Time was running perilously short, there were a thousand things she’d left undone at home, and she was spending her time here attending fetes and trying to keep herself too busy to think. It didn’t feel right to be kicking her heels here when there was so much that’d gone horribly wrong in the world. It didn’t seem—

“Cham—Hawke!” she hardly heard the Inquisitor before the elf sat hard on the bench beside her. “I was looking for you. I had a question, you see. Oh—was I interrupting?”

“Not at all, Lucky,” Varric said, setting the page aside and shifting another closer to him. “Hawke here was just telling me she thought the Inquisitor would be self-important.” 

Maria smiled and kicked him under the table. Varric grunted. 

“What I said,” she informed the Inquisitor, looping her arm through the other woman’s, “was that you have exceeded my every expectation. Don’t listen to him; he’s dreadful at paraphrasing. You’ve no idea the amount of things he left out of that dreadful book.”

“Dreadful,” Varric scoffed. “Dreadful! I’ll have you know I was interrogated over that book, Hawke. For days. Weeks, even.”

“I remember it quite well,” she informed him, for she’d neither forgotten nor forgiven the Seeker for it. 

It had been worth sneaking into the woman’s quarters, she decided, for the clear discomfort the woman had felt without access to any undergarments. Good riddance; may the hares and foxes in the valley below enjoy them well. 

“Did you want to say something, dear?” she added, nudging Aisling. “You seemed excited.”

Aisling, who’d been holding herself very still with visible effort, brightened. 

“Oh—yes, I almost forgot. I had a question to ask you, if you don’t mind the asking, about those force spells you showed me the other day…”

They sat before the fire for some time, discussing magical theory and the likely velocity of a given object if one tried to use a telekinetic spell to hurl it into a gravitic ring. It was pleasant to think about, actually—good exercise for a mind that had taken to pacing itself in circles. Hawke found herself awake long after she’d intended to be, more comfortable than she’d managed these last restless weeks at Skyhold, and relieved to remember that there’d been a life before all this fear. Magical theory existed rather completely beyond the question of Wardens and Callings and would-be gods who ought to have been long dead.

She’d been honest when she told Varric she liked the Inquisitor, but it was more than that. There’d been a horrible, niggling guilt at the back of her mind: she’d known that the Chantry was looking for her, known that she’d been wanted at the Conclave. When the sky had been ripped open, when Varric had told her all that had happened, her first thought was that she should have been there. Corypheus was her responsibility. He was a Hawke’s burden to carry and she had failed. 

If she had been at the Conclave…

No, no; leave that to think about after she got into the bedroom. It would do no good to consider it here and now. 

“Goodnight,” she told the Inquisitor some time later, and relished the comfort of being able to actually hug somebody else for once. Varric, for all his familiarity, had always had a rather low tolerance for her long goodbyes. Aisling allowed them for far longer, to Hawke’s infinite relief. 

It was difficult to realize how much one had come to rely on consistent physical contact until one had lost the opportunity to have any at all.

“Goodnight,” the elf said, squeezing her in return. “Tomorrow morning, maybe later in the week—do you think you have time to test it out? I do think it could be helpful for a variety of applications.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Maria said. “When someone is falling, for example, or perhaps we can find a way to sort of slingshot things using it…or we could use it if you need to fight a dragon again. Dreadful creatures. I was almost eaten by one, you know.”

“Varric told me,” Aisling said, and they unfolded themselves from each other at last. “I am hoping we might use the two in combination to lower goods into the valley and bring them up more easily than the road allows. But—tomorrow!” 

“Tomorrow,” Maria agreed, smiling—genuinely for once, and turned to leave for her quarters

“Goodnight,” the elf said again and bounced away, already patting her pockets for something. 

A notebook, Hawke supposed, or something to write with. When she slipped into her own room at last, she locked the door behind her and tapped into the wards she’d left here when she’d gone away for the day. 

All was well. This annoyed her; if there’d been an issue, it would have been nice to solve something for once.

When she’d finished changing, Hawke slipped beneath the covers and rested a hand over her eyes. She’d thought they would be gone from here by now, had thought they’d already set out for the Western Approach and whatever waited for them there. But—amassing an army and getting it to move took a great deal more time than she’d expected. They would leave within the week, certainly, but it still didn’t feel soon enough. 

No; no. There was nothing she could do about the Inquisition right now. 

Gravitic rings and telekinetic bursts. These, she knew. She turned her mind to the experiment the Inquisitor had proposed until she was too tired to think. When she dropped off to sleep at last, she did so occupied with the thought of experiments and logic, not the pressure of time.

For the first time in days, she actually slept through the night.

|

“What’s happening over here?” Varric asked some time later, and the three mages peered down from the upper level of the ruins. 

It was hot in the Western Approach, to say the least. They’d been up here long enough that the pale Inquisitor was noticeably pink about the cheeks. They probably ought to find shelter from the sun soon, it was only—well. It’d been ages since Maria had worked magic in tandem with someone else, and it was invigorating. She almost hadn’t noticed the time passing at all, but the angle of the sun indicated they’d been up here far too long. 

“Varric!” Aisling called, waving. “Stay right there. We’ll show you!” 

When she nodded to Hawke, the two of them gestured and called forth their respective magics. Dorian, who’d taken more than one turn in either of their places by now, took a long-dry carafe and hurled it into the stream of the first spell. For a moment, it flew through the air, cartwheeling end over end as it was caught in the force of the telekinetic spell. Then, while Maria held the gravitic ring steady, the carafe hit the perimeter of her spell and slowed noticeably. 

Varric, who’d taken several steps back when Dorian threw the carafe, approached slowly. 

“Huh,” he said, and caught the pottery when Maria released the spell. 

“Isn’t it lovely?” she said, clapping twice. “Can you imagine if we’d figured this out sooner? The things I could’ve thrown in my foyer at the manor. But wait—there’s more. We started toying with the rotation of the ring and—”

“—if we are careful about how we aim it—” Aisling interjected, and Maria gestured in agreement. 

“—it can even be used to redirect objects already in motion, so long as there was sufficient force behind it to begin with,” Maria finished in a rush, rocking from foot to foot in excitement. 

“Perhaps you’d better stand back,” Dorian told Varric. “I don’t know about you, but I didn’t especially enjoy having a rock thrown at my head.”

“Oh, it was a complete accident—you’re fine now,” Maria said, waving a hand, and he cast her a sidelong glance. 

“Yes, I rather find that healing magic has that effect,” he said drily. “Well, then. Ready, all?” 

“Yes,” the other two mages echoed, and this time Dorian tossed a rock into the force of the first spell. Hawke adjusted the second, concentrating on the way it spun, and they all watched the rock turn in midair and shoot off over the dunes. After a moment, there was a distant thud, and the three mages cheered. 

“Hang on,” Maria called to Varric. “We’re coming down. It’s time for a break, I think.” 

They made their way down the ladder one at a time and Maria drank from her waterskin while she waited for the others. Obviously, she’d known that this would be a desert. She’d known it would be hot, but she hadn’t figured on the air itself being so dry. It felt like she was forever reaching for water to wet her parched throat. 

“Drink,” she told the Inquisitor when the other woman reached the ground. Aisling took her waterskin and drank while the two of them moved into the shade. 

“There a purpose for this trick of yours?” Varric asked, ducking under the other side of the ruins. 

“Always best to keep busy,” Maria told him. “Also, Cullen has banned us from playing with the trebuchet and this is a nice substitute.” 

“Well, perhaps part of the problem is that you continue to call it playing with the trebuchet,” Dorian informed her, capping his own waterskin. “Somehow, he found that less charming than the rest of us.”

“Fie,” Hawke said, flicking her braid back over her shoulder. “The man must have a sense of humor somewhere. I’ve just got to dig a little deeper.”

“Well, they are very difficult to manage,” Aisling said absently, examining a patch of reddened skin on her forearm. “They each take a whole team of bronto to move, you see, and calibrating them properly can be very time-consuming.” 

Hmm, Maria thought. Varric’s comment about the Commander not meaning the Inquisitor harm came to mind again. The woman was friendly enough that it could mean nothing, but…well. She chose to keep her thoughts to herself. 

“In any case,” Hawke said, “this is a suitable substitute. It might even be helpful in the battle to come, I suppose, if your mages can learn it in time.” 

They spoke more as they made their way back to the camp, though the latent exhaustion from standing in the sun and working magic for hours gradually slowed the talk to a crawl. The four of them separated as they neared the camp, each stepping away to clean up. When Maria had finally changed into lighter clothing, she heard a soft sound outside her tent. 

“Inquisitor?” she called, nudging the mess of clothes under her cot and out of the way. 

“Yes,” Aisling replied, “do you have a moment?” 

“Of course; come in,” Maria said. 

Aisling entered, carrying a small, familiar pot of ointment. Maria would have known it from the smell even if she hadn’t already become very acquainted with it. 

“Sunburn?” she asked, holding out a hand, and the Inquisitor nodded miserably. There were already streaks of green over her arms, the skin beneath a bright pink in contrast. 

“If you can do your weather trick, I’ll get whatever you can’t reach,” Hawke told her, “or heal any of the blistered pieces, if you’d like.”

“Just the ointment is fine,” Aisling said, sketching runes in the air. The air in the tent cooled gradually, filled by a fresh breeze from nowhere at all. Hawke sighed in relief and took the little jar of ointment from Aisling. 

“I should’ve worn longer sleeves,” the elf murmured, sitting on the edge of the cot and tipping her head forward. Maria sat beside her and removed the lid from the jar. 

“Probably,” Hawke agreed, carefully smoothing a swathe of elfroot ointment over the back of Aisling’s shoulder. “We’ll have you right as rain soon enough, and it was time well spent nevertheless.”

“Hmm,” Aisling said, and added after a moment. “Are you…feeling better?”

There was a hesitance to the question that Maria understood at once. Do we know each other enough for me to ask? she was saying. 

“Yes, somewhat,” Maria admitted, and gathered more sharp-smelling salve. “Thank you—for all the distractions. I am grateful, truly. You’ve been a—a good friend to me.”

“Oh!” Aisling said, glancing back at her. “I’m glad you think so.”

There was a moment of silence. It would have been easy to fill—both of them were fond of talking—but Maria let the silence rest for a moment instead. Sometimes thoughts had to be given space to breathe before they could be spoken aloud. This seemed like one such occasion. 

“Before you came,” Aisling said at last, her voice very quiet, “I did not think we would like each other. Everyone—so many of them wanted you instead. Before I became the Inquisitor, I mean. I was so sure you’d know what to do where I don’t. I thought, if you’d been at the Conclave instead…”

“I would have died,” Maria told her, for she’d thought about the same thing many times. “Truly. It had to be you. The Chantry was more than half-convinced that I was personally responsible for what happened in Kirkwall. Can you imagine if I’d been the only one left standing after the death of the Divine? They would’ve killed me outright, even if I’d actually survived the destruction at the Conclave.” 

She sighed, setting the little jar aside, and nudged Aisling. The elf turned to look at her, her usual expression replaced by one far more somber. 

“When I told you before that you’re doing great, I meant it,” Hawke said, patting the Inquisitor’s hand. “Really. How could anybody look at all you’ve achieved and think otherwise? And that’s just on the surface. Knowing more—knowing some of what happened in Redcliffe—you’ve a great deal to be proud of.”

“Yes,” Aisling said, squeezing her hand in turn. “I was going to say—I was relieved when you didn’t agree with them. I’m glad you came.”

“Me, too,” Hawke said, smiling. “How else would I have thought to put a fully dressed skeleton in a trebuchet? Who else would have painted targets on boulders with me so we could use them for magical experiments?” 

Aisling laughed. Some of the serious air dissipated, and their conversation turned to other topics. The time for the battle drew very near—only one more day, perhaps two before they would need to make their assault on the keep. There wouldn’t be much more time for this sort of camaraderie. They couldn’t know what would come next; perhaps much of the world’s brokenness would be fixed after the battle. Perhaps it would grow worse. Either way, she was grateful she’d be facing it down amongst friends. 

For months, Hawke had wondered if the rift in the sky was somehow her own fault. Maybe it was. But—now that she’d met the Inquisitor, now that she knew Aisling herself, it was easier to set some of the regret aside. If there was somebody she trusted with the weight of all this, it had to be Lavellan. She had a good head on her shoulders and an earnest interest in understanding how the world worked. If somebody was going to have power over a large swathe of Thedas, Maria’d rather it be someone who wanted to understand why things were the way they were. Also—and this was crucial—she gave excellent hugs.

[aotopmha]

Saw the first part of the AoT finale.

And this once again just hit at the right time for me personally.

It's not just about 'oh protect the kids' 'oh Eren is the poor victim bby'.

Eren is a victim AND perpetrator. He literally tells you this.

I'm currently feeling that sentiment of 'take responsibility you stupid fucks' very deeply.

But to start somewhere, I think the strongest part of this portion of the story to me is absolutely the character writing.

Eren is horrified at his own thoughts and what he felt in the future. (In fact the reason why he is stuck in his head are at least partially his own destructive feelings from the future. He's interesting because he has feelings. His future self wanted this while his current self is sitting there horrified and crying.)

Him not being free is absolutely the right read. It's simply about not being able to see past his feelings – his state of mind. Which is absolutely influenced by several factors as well like OG Ymir's feelings, his knowledge of the future outside of his feelings and his father's memories.

But he's also genociding people. And getting out of that prison is only possible if he is willing to engage with other perspectives. It's all this sort of a greek tragedy loop where his own dark thoughts amplify everything else and the other elements amplify his dark thoughts.

And because he values freedom so much, he could never actually restrain anyone from fighting back.

It's these character elements that determine the narrative direction. The story at this point is deeply character-centric.

Yet despite all seeming lost, his opponents feel it's worth to keep fighting for those who yet live. They can't take back what happened, but they can try to move forward in the circumstances they are in. I think this sentiment is so deeply important going into the finale.

Hange's decision is all about this position of responsibility she was pushed into following Erwin's death, too.

She values the pursuit of knowledge, so she picks Armin as the commander.

I really like her response to Yelena because she's basically talking past her. She admits she failed with Eren, but she never says Zeke is right.

In line of with this moment with Hange, I think a lot of this has very specific emotional nuances and I find that really important.

Yes, Eren's friends are begging with him in Paths, but I also think it's not just because they just love him so very much.

They are also desparate to throw everything at him because he's kind of destroying the world and killing humanity.

So any reason is okay as long as it gets through to him.

Just like that speech by the old guy is equal parts military speech, emotional desparation and thematic statement.

I could logically and clinically tell you that someone else could've technically replaced Hange or maybe Hange held on too long to the point of it being too much.

Or how Annie just could've pieced herself together and gone with them.

But to me it at least all makes sense from the character perspective.

I think it makes sense Hange went instead of Armin or Reiner or even Jean not just because she felt responsible and all Titans are needed, but also because she is also a better, more experienced fighter. What the anime improved is the sense of suspense of just how close the escape was. Her feat was successful as much because of her skill as it was luck and while I think this was the intention to begin with, I think the pacing and depiction of her battle was so much better in the anime. It was a desperate charge picking out Titans in a smart way to protect that one building.

On the other hand, Annie was drafted against her will. It's dumb another strong weapon chooses not to fight in the middle of an apocalypse, but we're also in the middle of an apocalypse and it's better to not have a liability making things worse in there.

That's the kind of story I view this series to be. And technically the story never brings of the experience thing or Annie being a potential liability, I think the framing makes at least the tone clear.

And the very final chapters are the peak of this, I think.

Which is also why it sucks that Historia is treated the way she is. Everyone else is great and gets to be complex and she is sort of just written out in the most sloppy way possible. I think her scenes will all probably be consolidated in the finale into a single timeline, if that. (Though the truth is, I think even completely skipping them would treat her better, so I'm sort of holding out for that.)

I think the final chapter is exactly like this. I think it has a much more nuanced, but more importantly consistent thematic perspective than people give it credit for undermined by not letting it sit has much as it should and follows through from this material.

We can't change what happened, but we can try to make the best of the circumstances we are left with and move forward the best we can.

I think this series is flawed in more complex (and to me interesting) ways than I see claimed, too.

I think there is nuance to the potential read that the story is about Isayama painting a facsmile of imperialistic Japan as victims because he clearly wrote the the representitive of the fictional Japan in her story regretting her actions of exploiting a minority and admitting they only care about themselves.

Hizuru was basically destroyed because of its own greed and that's a very clear (and true) statement about Japan.

She goes on to say you only truly understand you've done wrong once you've actually done the wrong thing.

This feels like an apology to me. And that's good, but she's also a tertiary character, so much does it matter?

And how much of painting Hizuru as an ally is patting yourself on the back?

This story is full of these nuances to me, be it in a straight-forward reading of the text or on the meta level and that's why I will always have a soft spot for it.

I think there is so much more to it all on all levels.

But right now I felt like addressing these elements.

[mayapapaya33]

Exactly! And actions speak louder than words. They aren't good at talking, they are abrasive, but since day one they have been a solid support, a kind presence helping everyone in the group and a lot of NPC's they run across too. The group (other than Orym and Fearne) seems to have partially fallen for Ashton's persona and not noticed all of their actions up to this point. They really take Ashton's quiet kindness for granted a lot. Orym and Ashton are the group's moral compasses. Think of how kind and gentle Ashton was with that poor professor that Ludinus mind wiped at the school.

Laudna's random severe distrust of Ashton when he and Imogen went off in Bassuras together when Ashton had done nothing but be kind to Laudna, really felt so strange. I know she had Delilah up there causing problems, but I also think it was just Laudna not noticing how gentle Ashton has been with her specifically. It actually really hurt to watch the group turn on Ashton when he fucked up with the titan shard. They didn't notice the pattern of self-destructiveness that led up to this point. The fact that anyone was surprised by Ashton trying to absorb the stone is what surprised me. Sure, him hiding it was shitty, he shouldn't have done that. But once Fearne turned it down, I was totally waiting for Ashton to try to absorb it. (And btw, I totally got a high risk, high reward vibe from it so I 100% get why Ashley and Tal misread Matt's intent, one of the rare few Matt fumbles imho, it has to happen occasionally, the dude it technically mortal).

The group telling Ashton he should leave, Laudna saying she'd kill him, etc. You just know that reinforced some negative views about the world and Ashton himself with their reaction. Those abandonment issues got nicely reinforced. The only person who handled it well was Orym, the only person who ever consistently handles Ashton well is Orym frankly, and usually Fearne. (She didn't this time but in this particular instance I don't blame her).

It especially sucks when you compare the groups handling of Ashton's mental health to their handling of Laudna's. Sure, she's more obviously damaged, talking to Delilah out in the open, but Ashton is CLEARLY struggling and being met with rejection and anger after they just endangered themselves AGAIN was really not helpful. The group is so nice and understanding with Laudna, no matter what she does, even when she literally attacks them, but spare little compassion for the abrasive punk rock. (Not to mention the times the other members of the group endangered everyone through their own willful actions cough cough Chetney choosing not to cure his lycanthropy and then turning into a werewolf and trying to eat his friends cough cough). By comparison Ashton really only endangered themselves, Allura was there to contain any fallout if they fucked it up too badly, and the rest of the group was safe behind the barrier until they chose not to be, and everyone could go back behind it whenever they wanted to. Ultimately the only person Ashton was physically hurting was Ashton. (Emotionally is a different story).

They also don't seem to spare much time for our poor stalwart Orym and his frailty either, it seems like if you aren't actively having a very obvious mental breakdown, you're shit out of luck and isn't that a little too real.

Taliesin on 4SD: "Orym is the only one in this group with a working moral compass."

Ashton: Never take copper. You take gold regardless, and silver if they're an asshole, but you never take copper.

Ashton: It doesn't matter if the Ruby Vanguard are making good points about the gods. They're hurting innocent people to get what they want, and that's reason enough to stop them.

Ashton: *is super apologetic and upset that they have to knock out Elder Barthie to protect him from being discovered by the Imperium*

Ashton: Remember that we're here as guests. We are going to follow the instructions of the people who have already figured out what they need.

Me: *side-eyeing Ashton real hard* Orym’s the only one with a working moral compass? Mm'kay. 🤨

[pepsiwriteswords]

Writemas days 7-9! xD

My chosen prompts: "Can we fix this?", an empty road, the dead of night/"Can you forgive me?", the cusp of dawn/the strength of a supporting hand (Just to be clear: I am Aware I don't need to go back & do days I've missed (though I am gonna go & do days 5 & 6 at some point), but it drives me up the wall to have skipped/missing days & my intention has been to figure out one particular WIP at least partially through this challenge, so I'm going to, at least, do my best lol)

The road is long, and dark, and empty. Thankfully.

Lark stumbles, nearly taking herself and Kit to the ground before regaining her balance. "Sorry, are you okay?" Voice just a bit too loud.

Kit hushes her, not quite harshly. After a moment, she says: "I'm good. Let's keep going."

The others are a way ahead of them. No one particularly wants her leading them anywhere. Especially not in the dark.

She can't find it within herself to blame them.

She adjusts her hold around Kit's waist, takes a deep breath, and starts walking again.

"Do you think you guys will be able to forgive me? Can I ... can I fix it?" She doesn't try to look at Kit's face as she asks.

They walk in silence, focusing on their feet. What they can see of the road in the light of the partial moon.

Eventually: "I don't know what the others think, but ... I don't know that you need to fix anything. You kept secrets for a long time, but ... everything that just happened wasn't on you."

Lark blinks. Almost stumbles again, caught between the instinct to pause and the knowledge that she can't. "I lied to all of you. I don't know what I told them." I still want to go home.

The arm Kit has over her shoulders flails a bit before it manages to shift, pat her shoulder, kind of. "You're thirteen, and they're the ones that raised you. She ... what did she do, actually? What kind of magic was that?"

"I don't ... I can guess, but ..." She hesitates. "It's not anything I'm really familiar with."

Vague. Shoddy. Shady. Not entirely dishonest, but far from truthful.

They should stop. Leave her behind. Go back to Floya without her. Tell Raz and Flynn that something went terribly wrong.

Tell them the truth.

"We'll just have to research, then." Kit sounds far too cheerful for someone who has to be in so much pain. "I know we're not as big on magic as Dascua is, but there've gotta be some resources. Mind magic, yeah?"

Lark sighs. "Yeah. Mind magic."

They walk until the horizon starts to turn pink, then move to find a place to rest.