#and i think that affected me so fucking hard bc i wanted to fit in and feel like i belonged

[phagodyke]

trying to watch all of us strangers and it's just making me cry really hard this is why I don't do romance movies WAH

[yongseungkim]

.

[toxycodone]

"Are they into PDA?" - Dungeon Meshi Edition

content. multiple x reader, fluff

an. yknow i havent written in like a week ESPECIALLY for my beloved dungeon meshi so. here is this. I'm kinda using this too as like practice bc i have never written for a lot of these characters but I would love to try!

Let me know if you want me to do this for another fandom <3 or if i forgot some characters

Laios's Party

Laios - He can go 50/50. I think at the start of a relationship he’s really awkward about it (he’s not used to anyone being affectionate with him besides his sister). But as time goes on he starts to really get into it. He just loves finally feeling accepted and cared for it’s just 💕💕 yeah. He’s lovey dovey enough with you in public to make people cringe. And he doesn’t get it when people suggest he should cool it down. Laios’s PDA is never heated or anything. Just cute and romantic. He’s smitten.

Falin - Similar to Laios, but I think she’s more chill with it off the bat. Falin gets hit with that puppy love phase HARD when you first start dating so she’s all shy and her heart’s pounding but she’s only bashful because she’s just so into you!! post-chimera she becomes a lot more assertive and has less regard for others witnessing your PDA. She’s always sitting close to you, holding your hand, resting her head on your shoulder (or letting you rest your head on hers). I also think she has a habit of sneaking up on your and nipping your neck/shoulder.

Marcille - ENJOYS IT. Like…there is not denying it. Marcille loves PDA. You would think your hands are glued together or something my God when you two are walking she’s always holding yours and swinging your arms while humming a little tune AHHHH…of course her cheeks will be stained red though. You ask for a kiss in public and she’s squeaks out an “…okay.” (Then has to hype herself up and is timidly puckering her lips w her eyes squeezed shut comically tight). Anyways. Yeah. She’s a little obsessed with you okay.

Chilchuck - He’s more lowkey and chill about PDA. He admires other couples when he witnesses it “aaah, young love.” But I think Chilchuck is a bit too mature to just. Make out with you in public (now if he’s had a few beers. That’s different. Drunk Chilchuck is a different breed okay.) Chil will give you a goodbye kiss or hold your hand for a second and give you a gentle squeeze, but that’s about it when it comes to public affection. I think he shows his affection fr tho by buying you accessories to wear (scarves, rings, pouches, etc.).

Senshi - He’s not super affectionate in public in general but he doesn’t mind it. Like oh? You wanna give him a little kiss? Sure. That’s fine. But then when he realizes others witnessed it then Senshi gets bashful. Thank god he has that thick ass beard bc I know he’s blushing way too hard. He blushes really hard at any PDA between you two. It’s honestly super cute. :3

Izutsumi - No. Hard pass. Do not. It just makes her incredibly uncomfortable (honestly the idea of affection in general makes her feel weird bc Izu thinks she’s undeserving, but she likes you enough to try to love herself. For you.) I think Izu substitutes PDA with handmade things…like. One day after a little thinking and comparing you guys to other couples she’s a little nervous about you thinking she doesn’t like you/isn’t a good partner. So…you guys have matching necklaces she made instead. It’s just a pretty rock and some feathers tied clumsily in twine but! She’s trying! It’s a step in showing that Izu wants something to link you guys together to others.

Toshiro - (idc that he isn’t in the party anymore he just fits best here ok) Hear me the fuck out. Toshiro Nakamoto likes PDA. BEFORE YOU STOP READING HEAR ME OUT. I think it’s a huge deal w his characterization that Toshiro is really repressed and is learning to voice his needs/concerns/opinions/etc. and I think this also applies to like. Getting in touch with his desires. Toshiro desires to be loved and cared for and well. He enjoys actions of affection from you. They make him happy. And when he finds himself getting embarrassed about it…he thinks on it. Like why should he feel the need to not showcase this? Anyways, yes he enjoys it. But keep it classy 💕 He prefers to save anything more for when you two are alone.

Kabru's Party

Kabru - 50/50 like Laios. But Kabru’s initial dislike for PDA stems from his own insecurities. Like…Kabru is just still processing that he is capable of love and doesn’t have to basically set his own desires and needs to the side and sacrifice for others. After he jumps over that jump it’s smooth sailing though. (Kinda. Every now and then he gets hit w an insecurity episode). Kabru’s like a fantasy prince. He gives chaste kisses to your lips and forehead, kisses your knuckles…yeah. It’s cheesy, but from him it works.!

Holm - Average PDA enjoyer. Keeps it cool and classy in public. He doesn’t initiate a lot besides a gentle kiss to your forehead or patting your shoulder every now and then. He has no qualms with it, Holm’s just a really mature dude (plus with his religion I kinda think he values being respectful). But like. As soon as eyes are off you guys Holm is WAY more touchy and lovey. When mickbell and kuroo stay at his place he’s always a little miffed mainly because his privacy with you is SACRED to this man.

Mickbell - Says he likes PDA. Cannot handle being kissed without practically exploding. He’s so cringe (I love him). Mickbell the embodiment of that “first kiss” vs. “expecting a kiss with tongue” meme. But he’s the first kiss part. He likes to pretend he has any sort of experience (he does not) and any attempt at PDA leave him glowing red but in his mind he’s like heh…I was so cool. (He wasn’t)

Rin - NO. It’s a mix of bashfulness and her fear of doing something crazy via magic because of crazy emotions. But I think she desperately does crave affection. Being able to be treated like a normal girl and love and be loved with no issue. Yeah. You can probably sneak up on her and give her a smooch or something and she’ll be too stunned to react (thank goodness bc the explosion spell building up fizzles out before it can be fully cast)

Golden Kingdom

Thistle - Little pain in the ass he acts like he hates it but in reality he loves displays of affection. Like Thistle gets all red in the face and waves you off but then he’s blushing and kicking his feet like a schoolgirl when you’re out of sight. In my mind Thistle doesn’t do a lot of PDA (if any) but he’s most definitely writing about you in his poem books 💀 there’s likely books dedicated to you…and yes he’d die if you found out.

Yaad - In the most princely sense, yes. Yaad is very sweet. Polite. Demure. He kisses your hand as a greeting and may kiss your cheek if he’s feeling really crazy (omg). But he treats you like the most respectable being on earth. Absolutely adores you. PDA makes him blush and Yaad will have a cute little smile for a while afterwards and be in a good mood (Laios asks you to be affectionate w him particularly when he knows he royally messed up)

Canaries

Pattadol - DO NOT. Like maybe a cheek kiss is fine but Patty is working VERY hard to look like a formidable leader and when you distract her! She can’t! Plus the prisoners immediately start making fun of her! You guys gotta keep it cool around them. She still loves you though.

Lycion - This is weird but Lycion seems like the type of guy who can do sexual stuff in public with no issue but PDA? It makes him choke a bit. Only because he struggles SO much with self image + self worth so you doing an action just to show affection for him that doesn’t give you anything in return makes his heart skip a beat. Like damn? You really love him? That’s crazy. Anyways. It’s cute as fuck.

Fleki - I honestly don’t know what to say other than you could eat her out in front of a crowd and she wouldn’t flinch. She’s soooo touchy and all over you it probably makes people uncomfortable but she doesn’t give a fuck. She clings to you like a Koala with no issue (like she did to otta in that comic YEAH)

Otta - Yes but she’s going to be pretend chaste about it. Like Otta acts all down to earth in public but I can’t decide if it’s because she wants to tease you or pretend like she has any sense of self control. Once you’re desperate enough yeah you two will be making out in public’s

Cithis - Idk if this is against the grain but I think she’s a bit reserved about PDA. Not because of any bashfulness or whatever (she could give less of a fuck) but with her hinted past experiences with people not regarding her personal space and being weird to her. In my mind just. Cithis has some personal boundaries about being touched and stuff she doesn’t want to be crossed. That’s not stopping her from getting you off under the table with her foot though. (Insane.)

[just-null]

YO, SUPER LATE SUPER LONG SUPER MESSY OCTOBER POST THAT I JUST SHOVED EVERYTHING INTO BC I DIDN'T WANT TO DO MULTIPLE. FUCK IT.

I forgot halfway that these were supposed to be costumes and not mini aus... SO REMEMBER IN MY PLACE, EVERYTHING IS HYPOTHETICAL. also. some have a bit of yandere elements to them bc its SO FITTING FOR NORITOSHI.

Happy late October, everyone. it's winter now. Let's get it, baby.

[Long rambles and doodles under the cut!]

Vampire!

I kept asking myself, "How sexy is too sexy.." and "How the fuck does a sexy vampire even look like without it being a shirtless guy w fangs or Edward Cullen....." I think I figured it out

Sure, sure, vampires are superhumans with sun allergies that can drink blood really hotly. They can also easily overpower you to feast and blah blah blah, but what if said vampire (Noritoshi) was too weak to do any of that? Not literally, but he craves your say. He wants not only your blood but your affection. He wants to get praised as he drinks you in. Are you comfortable? How much will you allow him to take? Do you want to get him back in return? Guidance with this makes him feel more at ease. It's still Noritoshi at the end of the day. He's going to find a way to be a little awkward about you because of his crush. He refuses to drink from anyone other than you, even if it causes his death. Therefore, he has to keep you healthy! For the rest of your lives..! Besides, he can't really go outside or else he'd.. y'know. So if you think about it, this is a very beneficial relationship for both of you!!

The only downside is that you're losing blood on the regular, and for some reason, more people are moving away... Probably nothing, right? Noritoshi is always there to keep you company and help you recover anyways.

Witch!

my attempts also bled into the witch design.... you got greedy with requesting two in one ask, but I'll spoil you this time bc I also wanted to see Noritoshi as a (sexy) vampire and witch. heh. AND I DIDNT REALIZE HED BE SO CUTE AS A WITCH..... WHAT THE FUCK?? rip momo, fight for your title of cute witch...

Noritoshi strikes me as one of those witches who'd rather be left to their own devices because they're running some important magic whatever in the background. though, he'll take some breaks and indulge you if you insist on having him around. Insist meaning you pass by and strike conversation, leaving him to neglect anything and everything to prioritize his time with you. He doesn't want to use magic on you unless it's beneficial for either you or both. Noritoshi likes a natural progression with you that he knows for a fact is true and not some product of some spell. Though it doesn't mean he wouldn't use charms and such to get you to interact with him more often to speed up the process!

Can't sleep? He has a remedy perfect for that! Bad luck? Oh no, take a charm. Nerves? A potion he perfected will help you ease your jitters. Annoying peers? With a snap of Noritoshi's fingers, they're gone! Just don't ask what happened. Enjoy yourself instead and come to him with any new issue. He's quick to resolve it.

Definitely has some sort of doll that looks suspiciously like you.. Noritoshi would probably talk to it and practice one liners that give you the strongest sense of nostalgia once he uses them. He's simultaneously giddy that the charm he put in the doll works but also a little annoyed that his hard work isn't surprising you, but leaving you with deja vu.

Idol!

i was crying the entire time bc what does an idol look like.... noritoshi is handsome enough to be an idol without actually being an idol... now i can confirm that idols are very well dressed though. thumbs up 100% but i had some thoughts...

[Idol]

Noritoshi would be the type to cherish his fans, but hold clear favoritism over you. he'd be those idols that look cold, but they talk, and they sound smug in a charming way. i don't know much about idols, but i know he'd be so fucking good.... he'd be the type of guy to sing to you amongst the hundreds in the crowd.... ahhh the interviews w these famous aus. they're just talking and acting like themselves. can you imagine Noritoshi getting asked the question if he has a lover or not? he can lie, im sure you're alright with that, but he doesn't want to!! he does have someone!!! someone he loves more than all his fans love for him combined!!! he just can't say it for the sake of your privacy and his career. so Noritoshi does what any charming guy who's good with their words does. he deflects the question. answering the question, but not really, that'd be something he's known for. fans online are split on why Noritoshi does this. some think he's trying to keep that side of his life private, others think he's trying to mess around, and others think he's hiding a secret lover!!! though the last one is usually seen as the outlandish one, sometimes it makes Noritoshi's heart drop bc they get some things right. "Having a lover is a complicated question hidden behind a simple disguise. If I had to answer, I'd say my lovers are my audience. they make sure i'm well cared for, some more than others." AND HIS FUCKING LITTLE SMIRK I CANT COUGHS UP BLOOD. IM A THEORIST TOO. SECRET LOVER. 🫵🫵🫵🫵🫵

ON THE FLIP SIDE....

[Not an Idol]

An amusing thought where Noritoshi goes out in his casual clothes, and he's mistaken for an idol. No one knows who he is, but he just looks like he'd be one. bro's just trying to buy groceries, and now he has a fan group asking him to take pictures with them.. He'd tell them that he's just a guy, not an idol, but the group would still want a picture with him. it'd be a waste to pass by someone who's so naturally gorgeous, so with a sigh of defeat, he relents. It's just a photo, right? No harm done. Noritoshi'd go home and feel overwhelmed/embarrassed by the whole ordeal. later, he gets a call from someone in the kyoto group or you to inform him how he's all over social media, known as that handsome guy in the supermarket. HED BE COMPLETELY UNREACHABLE TO MEDIA OUTLETS BC NORITOSHI IS THAT GUY WHO DOESNT HAVE SOCIAL MEDIA.... he'd have to make one to make sure no one pretends to be him online. "Hello, I don't use social media, but I've been informed I've been getting attention online. To prevent anyone from being fooled by an impersonator, this is my official and only account. thank you." P.R. STATEMENT WRITING ASS.. his single post gets flooded with likes, comments, and DMs. it almost blows up his phone..... he was just buying bread, dude...... people try to dig up and find him through the other Kyoto group's social media.

[bonus] my second in command requested to put him in a fem idol outfit bc he thought it was funny. after frothing at the mouth and coughing out blood, I complied.

Doctor!

THIS IS SUCH A STRAIGHT FORWARD ASK BUT IT HAS SO MANY IMPLICATIONS. MY BELOVED CULT MEMBER.. THOSE EMOJIS GIVE ME A DIFFERENT IMPRESSION BUT IM NOT SURE.

Noritoshi as a doctor...... apple sales would plummet. his little clinic's business would skyrocket. sick cases would peak in his area. getting your heart checked by his stethoscope would be so fucking embarrassing bc all he'd hear is THUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP

LIKE IMAGINE IF THAT WAS YOUR DOCTOR? BRO.

COUGH COUGH HACK WHEEZE COUGH COUGH.

Noritoshi would probably own a small clinic that he wants to expand. That or he opened one after working for a hospital for a while. He's a great doctor who's most likely respected but a pain in the ass to work with. Among patients, he's gotten the hot doctor reputation. Most want to be treated by him, but he's so professional, any chance of trying to flirt goes down the drain. Yeah, he puts his hair up to avoid it in his face even though his eyes are closed classic lab safety procedures. He seems like the type to have a soothing but authoritative voice during examination, so he gets his message across. it's a bit difficult when dealing with patients for Noritoshi. If he sees them too often, he firstly scolds you for not taking care of yourself, then feels guilty for not giving you the proper care. Keep yourself safe and healthy, or else Noritoshi will clearly :( Putting him in a yandere setting would be dangerous. He'd have a lot of control over you, considering he can prescribe medication, shots, visits, and other things.... he'd have a ball.... nothing that would cause you any harm, of course. he's only looking out for you and doing what's best for you..!

Pirate!

my second in command wanted a pirate. pirates are so fucking cool and i know damn well if this guy were a pirate he'd have a bunch of battle scars under that fancy coat.

Noritoshi as a pirate would be more than a little odd, but also fitting. He looks like the type of guy who'd be well put together, yet he's willing to get his hands dirty. Like the guy who got into the pirate life because of some personal issue that couldn't be solved fast enough through conventional means. Even as a pirate, i imagine he holds everyone to high standards. They're still pirates though.. so his expected standards aren't even that high. He has more freedom here, so even he himself lets loose once or twice. Especially with you. He's even able to get away with more violent actions for you, the seas are unpredictable, after all. While taking some treasure, Noritoshi'd toss you a gem or golden coin, just so you can say you were the first to claim it. Just so he can see that happy glint in your eyes when getting your hands on treasure. God forbid anyone try to get their hands on your hard earned goods. They'd be met with a bullet to the foot or a sword at their neck. Everyone and their mother knows how you're his favorite, but Noritoshi downplays it. Its not a crime to help out someone from his crew is it? Not in the seven seas. He leans more into his cold ruthless killer side here. He has goals and people to help keep in line whether hes captain or not. Yet when around you, he's almost adorable in how he shows you a pearl so entrancing that it reminded him of you.

Corpse Bride!

my submission to my Noritoshi Halloween costume closet.. CORPSE BRIDE, THIS MOVIE FUCKS. esp w the yandere elements.

Noritoshi 100% made you recite the wedding vows to him before accepting the ring. If you fumbled up, he'd correct you with SO much attitude and expect you to start from the top until you got it perfectly.

Hypothetically, in the chalice scene towards the end..

Noritoshi is the type to never be fully relaxed unless he knows for sure you'll be eternally his. In this scenario, YOU proposed to HIM but have to die to continue being together. Not only that, but someone in the living world is also after your heart. Someone who bleeds. Someone who's the obvious choice. Someone who can give you the life that you deserve. Someone who will succeed in their pursuits if you. remain. alive. Noritoshi's life was cut short, yet he still managed to lose so much and be abandoned a considerable amount of times. When he meets you and finds out about the possibility of having to go through that again even in death, it finally clicks in his rotting mind. He realizes he's been doing something wrong to keep constantly failing. Noritoshi revises his methods to a more.. selfish course. Why should he care about anyone else's wants or how his actions hurt them? You were the only one who made him truly fulfilled, to make him feel alive. The only one who deserves anything and everything good that comes from this world. Destiny is never done toying with him when he realizes your marriage is invalid because of your pulse and his lack thereof no matter how hard he'd try, but the opportunity arises. of course, he's ecstatic to give you an afterlife worth much more than what a silly beating heart can achieve. "All people die eventually. If you miss your living family or friends, all it takes is patience, darling. I'll wait by your side in the meantime." He weighs the pros and cons of everything, but when it comes to swaying manipulating your thoughts he only highlights the ones that'll get you on his side. in this case, the pros of dying to be with him! Honestly, the answer was so obvious that Noritoshi didn't know why he was stressing about it before. It hurts him to see you in any type of pain, but he reassures both himself and you that it'll only be for a moment. Afterward, he'll have the rest of your afterlives to make it up to you!! What happened to Till Death Do Us Part? Noritoshi thinks it's insulting that something as shallow as that could be so widely accepted. If your love were true, it wouldn't stop just because the world decided to take them away. "Till death do us part? Darling, don't be silly. 'Not even death will do us part' feels much better, doesn't it?" 

[andsjun]

GYUVIN W CORRUPTION & SIZE KINK… 🫣

Omg anon you just made me crazy 🫠

When you start dating Gyuvin and your tell him about your inexperience he doesn’t take it too seriously until now, when you two are about to watch a movie in his room and you are literally in the other side of the bed. With your face burning red and unable to look your boyfriend at the eyes.

He asks you to move closer so that’s what you do and with his big hands he moves your head to make it rest on his chest and he feels so good when he looks how red is your face and how nervous you are. How tiny you look and how easy it seems to move you’re around.

After that the desire to corrupt you starts growing in him. He wants to see you breaking up slowly and being a completely desperate whore just for him. He starts slowly, making you get used of physical affection. Taking you by the waist in public and hugging you tight when you are sitting near to him.

He teaches you how to kiss properly and how to suck his tongue, tells you how good you are and how well you are getting used to this couple things. Gyuvin loves when you want to sit in his lap to kiss bc he enjoys how you squirm when he grabs your ass. He teaches you how to finger yourself in front of a mirror, inserting his fingers in you and making you moan loud by how good he fills you.

After some time he gets you into orals. He loves seeing you struggling to fit his cock in your mouth and helps you to do it by pushing your head. Not so long after that you are ready to be fucked, he preps you with his fingers and gets so hard when in whimpers you tell him that his big fingers are better than yours.

“You are taking me so good baby, I think I’m filling you pretty well right” he says while pushing the bulge that has formed in your belly.

After that the kinks gets harsher, he is pulling your hair and spitting in your mouth, manhandling you in the position he wants. He likes it messy and since you learned it from him you enjoy it too

[strlitetheatre]

MARK CHASITY THOUGHTS !!

thank you @biscuits-spooky-diner [ sorry for the tag again lol ] for reminding me w ur reblog i went fucking bananas w this LMAO

a lot of these are heavily headcanon-centric and i wanna preface that before i get into it bc i know some people may not agree!! thats fine!! i just like thinking these silly lil things

thoughts below the cut because its a Lot and i may add to this but idk?? shrugs we'll see

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starting off strong, i really am a sucker for the 'two [ or more ] characters that one actor/actress plays are related on some level' concept and i believe mark and duke are cousins bc CAN U IMAGINEE

theyre cousins on their moms sides but their moms dont really get along due to differing views and ways of parenting, but mark and duke are pretty close. theyre each others favourite cousin

━◦○◦━◦○◦━

mark and karen are both gay in opposite directions but they were very close friends growing up due to overlapping social groups (their parents, church groups, most likely abstinence camp goers, etc), and because of their respective families and being unable to be true to themselves, they got married and had grace very early after they graduated highschool

mark loves karen very much, but purely platonically. he is the type to tease her, sometimes poke fun at her, and he respects her immensely! they both work insanely well as a duo, and they hold down the fort of their picket fence home extremely well, but they are not in love

he n karen live a very domestic life, they can even be pretty physically affectionate at times [ hugs, cuddling, kisses to the head, cheeks, hands even ] and share quick 'i love you's before separating for the day, but something about it was always just slightly askew from romantic love and affection

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circling back to highschool, mark and ted definitely had a secret on-again-off-again relationship for at least a few months to a year.

they inevitably fell out because ted was sick and tired of being kept as a secret [ i have so so many thoughts about the spankoffskis too dont get me started on that tho ] and ended up giving mark an ultimatum: either choose to stay with ted and become public, or choose his family and run away from himself

i think its clear which mark chose. they dont talk much anymore

━◦○◦━◦○◦━

his middle name is anthony :33 no reason for this i just think it fits. mark anthony chasity :3333

he is a very sensitive man! growing up was extremely hard for him between an overbearing and coddling mother, and a hardassed and pushy father, and being heavily sheltered on top of it all

he wasnt shown a lot of genuine love and affection growing up (his mother would lovebomb him, his father didnt believe he needed it, and they were both pretty strict considering he was their only child) and he tries to do better with grace but still ends up unintentionally repeating cycles out of wanting to keep her 'safe'

he truly does love his daughter, he loves grace s o fucking much, but he n karen didnt have many positive role models to base themselves off of parenting-wise, therefore carrying a lot of fabricated truth into their relationships both separately and together with grace

━◦○◦━◦○◦━

mark has an architecture degree and he would love to be an actual architect but alas. realty was what he could get into

hes the one in charge of most of the chasity homes interior decoration! he has an eye for colours n specifically he really enjoys pastels, but his favourite colour overall is actually green

━◦○◦━◦○◦━

MARK CHASITY IS THE MARK FROM WORKIN BOYS [ getting forcefully pulled off stage, gripping the mic ] PLEASE P[LEASE JUSR HEAR ME OUT

before mark began working in realty, he worked at a bank. golden parachutes bank [ 'golden parachutes' is something mentioned in show stoppin number w like no context?? this concept is my gfs idea tho ] [ **I WAS INFORMED ITS A BUSINESS TERM but atp i feel like hatchetfield Would have a bank named after a business term lmfao ]

mark met greg through duke when he was about 20 or so [ I ALSO FIRMLYY BELIEVE THE GREG FROM WORKIN BOYS IS MAXS DAD BUT MY JÄGERMAN FAMILY TREE IS A WHOOOLEE OTHER CAN OF WORMS ], began seeing him, and greg was the one to bring mark into the polycule around 23-24

all of them worked at the bank! henry hidgens was one of the younger executives there

HIS N HENRYS DYNAMIC SPECIFICALLY was never sexual i believe, but it wasnt healthy overall because there was a power imbalance between them, and i also believe mark wouldve been one of the younger men in the polycule

henry and mark had a very 'wolf and lamb' dynamic, mark being perceived and treated as 'innocent' due to how he carries himself and how he was raised, and henry sometimes doing specific things to intimidate and even scare mark

all in all things do not go well. yeah. i am Not gonna get too deep into that bc it delves into pure indulgent au headcanon bullshit [ this entire post rlly lol ] but to shorten it: i believe mark to be a sole survivor of the workin boys incident in some aus and after the deaths of the boys he quits the banking job n goes into realty god bles

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coughs. anyway. he really likes historical art and i believe mark n grace are so similar in how theyre both So abnormal about historical things [ graces general interest and infatuation w the waylon place and its history that she basically infodumps about in npmd ]

he would infodump about historical pieces and their stories to anyone that would listen, which is usually his wife or daughter

SPEAKING of historical art n bringing back his architecture degree, when grace was around 10 mark built her an exactly-to-scale miniature replica of the waylon place as a dollhouse, down to the scaffolding, lighting, wall decor, etc

it took him years and was a complete surprise. it is his favourite and most pride-inducing project to date, even more bc it was for his baby

[multi-fandom-friend]

��Creepypastas Personalities and things they do in my eyes🌑

🫀 Eyeless Jack is very stoic, not showing much emotion ever. If he has to, for example if he helps to calm down Sally he’ll show concern. But outside of the mansion he never shows emotion. He’s kind when he wants to be, and isn’t completely heartless. If a pasta that he particularly likes is sick than he’ll go out of his way to check on them and grabbing something they need and once his sees that they’re okay he’s gone. If one of the proxies gets hurt in the field? He’s actually throwing a fit that they should be more careful. He’s one of those types of people where he gets mad when someone’s hurt because he couldn’t stop them from it, but he’ll never admit it.

🌲 Slenderman I see as a father figure for everyone. He’s is like a single dad. With the help of two out of his 3 brothers (offenderman is seen as a disgrace to his family’s name and unfit to be around children, especially Sally) He lets the kids (the grown adults that most of them are) rant if they want and tries to have fun with them. He understands that almost all of them didn’t have good childhoods and he feels bad. That’s why he keeps taking them in, having them promise to work for him. Once they say yes, he takes them in and the mansion grows another room (or tombs as I like to call them) 🎮 Ben is pretty nice. Sure, he’s snarky sometimes but he’s a kid. What do you expect? Plus he stays in his room most of the time or he’s hanging out with Jeff. He sees some of the other proxies as his siblings, but he’ll never admit it. Never in a billion years. He’d rather go swimming. Slender does have to trick him into showering because of how scared of water he is. Don’t ask me how bc I dunno. Personally, I would just spray him with a hose. But I digress

🧸 Sally is the average little girl, but she gets angry easily. I’m not sure where people got the notion that she wouldn’t be an angry restless spirit but that’s their opinion and it’s valid too. I feel like she’s usually nice and kind like everyone says but if she sees offenderman or anyone she deems a threat she can and will throw one of her “fits” where she makes the house rumble and she throws things towards the threat. She’s done it because she saw a spider. 🔪 Jeff is an ass. Period. But he does see the creepypastas as some sort of family. He’ll never admit it either. He makes fun of everyone because that’s how he shows affection. The only person who recognizes that is liu, his brother, who says nothing. Slender tries his best to just leave the kid alone, if he’s behind honest he’s kinda worried about him, but he says nothing. Jeff also is really smart he just never uses his brain so no one knows that.

🐍 liu is shy and quiet. Doesn’t really like talking to many of the proxies so he just keeps to himself. He only ever talks to slenderman and masky really. Sometimes he’ll have a chat with his brother, but he and his brother don’t have a very good relationship. He’s very cuddly when he wants to be and only when he wants to be. He loves a good book. Usually true crime books or something with a good plot. He doesn’t like romance novels because it reminds him too much of who he lost. He tries to be as optimistic as possible, but sometimes it’s hard for him.

🍬 LJ is giddy and goofy, always cracking weird jokes. He has learned over time what everyone’s sense of humor is so he’ll make jokes based off of that. Have dark humor? Dark jokes. Have dad humor? He’ll crack a good dad joke. Deep down he likes making people laugh still, he just doesn’t wanna be laughed at. He’s the one who hangs out with Sally the most when slenderman isn’t around because 1. He has the same childlike wonder and 2. Slenderman thinks he’s funny enough to keep that little ball of energy occupied long enough to not run off into the woods and find some poor hiker and scare the soul outta them.

🪓 Toby is kinda a mix of quiet and a fuck. He likes being nice to some people when he wants and then he’ll be a dick to others. I have a headcanon that he has BPD so that’s why he constantly switches between being nice and acting like you murdered his cat in cold blood. Usually he’s pretty nice and knows how to control it most of the time but it gets the better of him. He is also very good friends with Ben and Jeff, being nicer to Ben and meaner to Jeff. I don’t think he’d hang out with Masky and hoodie too often, but that’s just my opinion.

🚬 Masky’s just plain “I don’t want to talk to you leave me alone.” Never has liked talking never will like it. He has exceptions for certain people like Hoodie and Slenderman. Sometimes he’ll talk to liu because he’s actually one of the more chill proxies and leaves people alone unless they want to talk to him. You could also probably find him smoking outside or sitting outside Slenderman’s office because he feels important when he’s near him. 🍁 Hoodie is the opposite of Masky. Wanna talk? He’s so down. Loves talking about everything and anything. If there’s a mission, though? He stays quiet. Doesn’t talk. He’s laser focused. it’s like he has 2 different personalities.

⚕️ nurse Ann seems like the type that likes taking care of people. She is a nurse after all. She just doesn’t like men very much, considering what happened to her. She trusts most of the proxy boys not to do anything, but if they do then she doesn’t let them near her again. She gives off lesbian vibes and I kinda headcanon that she is dating or best friends with Jane. After missions she’ll patch up the people that need it and I think she’d have her own little infirmary tucked in the corner of the mansion with everything she could possibly need.

🖤 Nina is the perfect example of an extrovert. She’s so hyped up and excited that she gives Sally a run for her money. Contrary to popular belief I think she’d be pretty good friends with Jane. They both got their heart broken by Jeff but Nina continues to try and get him to love her. She likes baking and playing games with all the proxies. Sure she’s seen as annoying but she’s really one of the only extroverted people in the manor.

🕷️ Jane is quiet and kind. She likes to help where she can. I see her as religious to some extent? Not a woman of god per say but a different religion. I feel like she would be pagan and have an altar of some sort to some kind of deity. She is usually in the library reading some sort of book or bringing a book from there to the infirmary to read to Ann.

A/N: this took me a few hours to write because I had to think and plan the ones I wanted to do. Likes and reposts are highly appreciated!

[leolingo]

(long post about purgatory and meta and rp)

sigh one thing ive been thinking is that it feels a bit unfair to see so many people complaining or doomposting over how purgatory affects the overarching qsmp rp story or how it ~interrupted arcs~ or is ~disturbing current storylines~ or ~narratively unsatisfying~ like. Sure. its a bit abrupt and most players were caught off guard because lore-wise it stems from the federation which means none of them were told about anything beforehand

but... its only been three days. maybe we could have a little faith? like idk ill be soooooo out there rn and say that maybe the admins did this now for a reason. maybe itll make sense later on. we already see lore repercussions with elquackity and his motives and all the nods to the eggs.

theres fair criticism to be made (when done respectfully) if youre mainly here for the roleplay but i feel like we sometimes need to remind ourselves that the qsmp storytelling is a VERY ambitious project. lmao. imagine being the writing team and trying to wrangle 20+ characters with distinct points of view and journeys on an ever-changing story because of the very nature of live rp. its practically IMPOSSIBLE to tie up every loose end neatly and at this point i dont think we should expect that. keeping up momentum with all plotlines must also be pretty hard, cc's schedules and outside factors like server programming and building and mod tweaking and all those meta elements considered and so on and so on

i DO also want the story to move forward and be cohesive and make sense in a satisfactory way. like i really do!!!!!!! but i try to understand that thats not ALL the qsmp is about. from the start quackity said the server wouldn't be exclusive to the rp aspect. it sure is that way right now, but thats because most of the active members are VERY passionate about roleplaying. thats a good thing! they have fun and its fun to watch and the experience is mostly good for everyone because it corresponds to their expectations to an extent

the thing about purgatory is that i feel like its a lot more meta than most people doomposting realize. it ties into the story, sure, but to me it feels like the sudden switch in environment and vibes and stakes isnt actually catered to the rp and thats FINE. like thats not what it exists for and thats fineeeeeee

pac for one has said he appreciates the event for the change of pace, though its very hard (lol), because regular qsmp was starting to feel a bit stale to him and he was kind of running out of things to do. THATS A GREAT THING! managing player engagement like that is awesome and sometimes necessary. YES, purgatory caters to a very different playstyle than what we're used to -- and thats one of its strenghts.

a lot of hispanic creators have also felt this!!!! roier, rivers and carre most prominently have been VERY excited about this event because its similar in format to a lot of spanish speaking events like mc extremo and such. a lot of these players are also not particularly interested in rp-ing and had not been logging on very often prior to purgatory.

even roleplay regulars like tubbo, fit and bbh have shown interest in purgatory for the competitive nature of the setting!!! thats cool too!!!! something different, new possibilities to play around with. thats what the events should be about. kudos to the admins and dev teams for attempting it in such a big scale. their effort shows and all the mechanics weve seen are really fucking cool

i love the roleplay!!!!!! its one of my favorite parts of the qsmp!!!!!! but its not ALL there is and it shouldnt be! non rp-oriented creators are also part of the project and deserve to have a little fun too -- not to mention a big chunk of the hispanic fan community that has blown up twitter with support bc what we have rn is similar to events they already love!!!!!!! im glad to see so many of them get excited again!!!!!!

at the end of the day, qsmp is a LONG long term project, and purgatory ends in two weeks. by the time its over, we can all choose to engage with it as we wish. it can be a big filler episode in your mind, if you want. it can be just for fun..... otherwise, if its not fun, your regularly scheduled qsmp will be back soon anyway :3 its fine to not like it, its fine to have something negative to say about it if properly tagged and not like. crazy entitled or blown out of proportion for what this situation is.

i just hope we can all manage our online experiences accordingly and avoid making things less enjoyable for each other. this is supposed to be fun

[caffeinatedattorney]

Final thoughts! I'm going to talk about the aspects of the game bc I'm not thinking abt this anymore in a few days and I might as well since it's fresh in my mind. Also I didn't play it, I watched someone play it so I won't speak abt gameplay at all.

Harvey and Bruce are very much not okay. This batman is so angry and he's so desperate to save people. He's caught up in vengeance (defending Leslie and harvey) but clearly isn't sure what his modus operandi is just yet. That and he isn't seasoned so ppls deaths affect him and make him blame himself and hesitate. (when the inmate in black gate is pronounced dead.)

I was not expecting it to go hard on the trauma and abuse and how children act after said trauma, much less show it which was surprising! It is triggering but, depending how much you can handle, that makes it all the more engaging and heartbreaking.

I find it interesting how Bruce is the one prone to violence. He hits Harvey after Harvey says something from their fav show that triggers Bruce. I doubt ppl ever write Bruce being autistic but both Bruce and harvey come off to me as on the spectrum. With their fixation on justice, the fact they seem to be old enough to stop playing pretend but still do (though that could be just arrested development from trauma) and it seems to be their happy place as harvey is his loudest around Bruce and in the, what is it, rehabilitation center? Also they don't seem to have (m)any friends.

I remember this plot point from my own worst enemy and I like how it works here. I'm glad Leslie has a big role and connects everything together. (her telling Bruce off for making voices at her LMAO)

Harvey is more affected than Bruce is bc his trauma continues well into adulthood. He never left his fathers house, never stood up to him. I don't need him to articulate why but it feels so real and fitting and sad and I love it? It makes me feel things that he had a support system with Bruce and Leslie even if it seemingly wasn't enough.

I have a theory that the Rat King moniker is Harvey's self loathing coming to life and becoming his bigger-than-life mask. Bruce has the bat and harvey the rat. One soars through the skies and intimidates, the other burrows underground for safety and cohabitates to survive (and forms a cult)

Harvey's dissociation and the DID name drop ough. ("am I psychotic?!" ) I just felt bad. Dudes mental barriers are so high up he loses track of time (and probably feels like he's getting sucked underground). It hits hard that Bruce is one of the things that ground him despite the fear and disorientation. Wish we had seen Gilda tho. Unless they're meant to be separated?

And fuck, Harvey's voice. He's so meek and unsure the whole game. His little jokes ("this one was right outside my office. *pause* I'm fine by the way" ) . He gains strength when angry and when full of disdain (talking to matches) which is to be expected but goddamn that performance killed me. Leslie has to remind him to calm down ("be good" "be good" he repeats in an almost childish voice ) Too real. too good. He thinks of himself as weak until he's backed agaisnt the corner (when he was about to get shot he screams "Do it you coward!" )

Edit: I have this Hc of harvey putting a big front the way Bruce juggles batman and Bruce Wayne and the fact it's been validated makes me wanna go harder on it and harvey being autistic and the pressures and stress he must face. End edit.

Also interesting how they have Bruce and harvey call each other brother. Didn't want for it to come out too gay? I will say, it feels forced but I haven't sene anyone else mentioned bc its that inconsequential I guess.

I loved babs trying to help Bruce despite his attempts to push her away. ("I'm taking this crowbar" and he actually says "don't care!" ) also apparently when she leaves she turns a few times fuming and you can see it in detective mode lmao

Overall, better than I expected? I wasn't expecting harvey to be important at all. Hate the bait and switch and the fact it's a vr game bc I'll never get to try this lol. I'm glad they could expand on why Harvey and Bruce are how they are in the arkham universe.

[pixlpxie]

Hi I'm not trying to be hateful and I don't necessarily condone all hard stan behaviors. Sometimes when you defend yourself I agree and I'm with you until you start saying things like this is what they would want and that's just so out of touch with reality. To genuinely think a celebrity or even a regular person wanting to be perceived as hot or attractive sometimes means they want to be objectified in every way possible most of the time and for people to talk in depth about how they'd fuck and what not. I think that's a genuinely harmful belief to have. I don't think it's inherently a bad thing to talk like that in private which I would say an anonymous tumblr account kind of is but yeah.

(This answer is not directed at you, don't get me wrong, but i need to say this and your ask is the perfect fit so dont take it personally)

Sometimes some of you guys miss the point that this blog is for funsies and most of the stuff going on here are not real, i don't want to be objectified if that's what you were getting at but i study human behavior, i know what ppl can want. And personally, I like it when ppl find me attractive and hot so why is it a problem if i think the same for celebs? Or how is it different from talking to your friends abt your crush and what they probably like in detail? Idols may not like being objectified like this, sure, but we dont know that either and they are literally marketed to be objectified. Kpop sells u a fantasy so why not engage in that?

I feel like some ppl care too much abt celebs and honestly you shouldnt bc you literally don't have any contact with them nor do they with you. They are almost fictional in a way. Trust me my blog doesn't affect them in the slightest bc they dont know this exists. That's how celeb/fan worlds work. I'm not hating on you btw, you may not like the conversations and posts going on here and that's totally fine. But as you also see, i get a lot of hate which i don't even respond to all of them so imagine. I have my fun answering those anons that's why most of them are unserious. But please, if you don't enjoy this content its totally fine, leave me alone

[ethers-moth]

Autistic people with the same special interests (the two of you) are about to have a field day.

So. Repo! The genetic opera. The magnus archives. The Archival Repo!. The Repo! Archives.

Anyway

Shiloh is developing corruption

- bug collector

- not a full blown avatar but is kind of in the Jonathan Sims position to be influenced by a LOT of them

- feeds on Nathan’s anxiety (she thinks it’s her illness, but it’s more likely just dread that he’s a failure of a parent. He is.) (I love him why is he like that)

- 17 has her say “I always longed for true affection, but you compared me to a corpse”, so when she leaves at the end of the movie that signifies her evolution into an avatar (or rejection of it?) bc she is left with nothing but her bugs. We don’t really know

Nathan is either Slaughter or Hunt

- I definitely am more inclined for hunt for Nathan

- the hunting at the beginning and later when he and Shiloh are on the phone he definitely could do it a lot faster and less dramatically

- he definitely enjoys it is my point

- “thankless job” is also a prime example of his feelings on this job and or its moral implications

- obviously he’s unstable too and that influences jt but he kind of reminds me of Daisy Tonner where he’s over the ethical issue mostly

Luigi is definitely slaughter

- there’s not a really a need for question man is violent and angry I feel like there’s no question he shanks and yells and gets half naked for fun.

- his treatment of the gentern bringing coffee is a great example, he had no reason to freak out other than. Being like that. And also bc he can

- that’s about it actually he feeds on subordinates fear of his unforgiving temper it’s pretty CUT and dry

Pavi is. Hmmm. Flesh??

- I’m stuck on this one, however I think flesh fits best

- his face stealing reminds me of specific serial killer behaviors (usually due to parental issues) that involve using others body parts, usually skin (Ed Gein with his skin suit of his mother I think??) though I think his environment is part of why the face thing is a little less wrong in canon. Idk he’s a fucking FREAK okay

- also we never see his actual face so I feel an argument that it’s tied with dysmorphia isn’t unreasonable

- Pavi feeds off of adoration (even if it’s fake) from the Genterns as well as the fear of having your face skinned

- seriously what is wrong with him

- with the Genterns his boisting of “ask a gentern who they prefer” and overtly unacceptable sexual behavior (“my brother and sister should fuck”) feel like someone who wants validation and attention even if it’s not positive attention

Amber is Flesh too

- I think for a different reason from Pavi, she doesn’t have “inferiority” Dysmorphia that I think he has

- instead, I think Ambers behaviors are “superiority” dysmorphia (both terms I made up)

- in Ambers case she’s changing her appearance to cope with a shifting sense of self and strive for perfection caused by her notoriety and never being told no

- Amber feeds off of being desired and seen and is one of the most famous people in the known canon universe, but her blatant jealousy of Mag really depicts her motivation for perfection

- she also feeds herself to graverobber for drugs (deleted song ‘try my new parts’) I don’t care how good their surgical techniques are nobody is healing their hole that fast without hurting themselves somehow

- basically if Pavi is MAG 90 Amber is MAGP 2

Graverobber is End or Buried

- the end is for obvious reasons with corpse robbing and his lack of fear or caution around death @brainvomitintheparkinglot ‘s idea

- for buried, he’s literally a crack dealer

- he basically feeds the entire cities drug supply (trapping them in addiction that is hard to escape)

- the web usually deals with addiction but I don’t think he has manipulative or controlling motivation, he just works the system against other people

(Rottis corporation supplying everyone is the web, graverobber is a chunk of dust caught in it)

- as shown with Amber, he wont supply without money either, hypothetically pushing his clients into further debt (esp if they have geneco loans) AND addiction

- graverobber feeds off of the metaphorical suffocating nature of debt and addiction as mentioned, and well as literal suffocation

- following the drug thread, I will be treating zydrate like Heroin, in the idea it can be a powder or liquid (even though we only see it as a liquid in canon)

- like most painkilling drugs it can be assumed zydrate can induce vomit and therefore asphyxiation OR in the case of a powder that is inhaled, generally that isn’t optimal for breathing

- also graverobber is probably covered in corpse dust and like. Anthrax

Rotti is web (again, thank you @brainvomitintheparkinglot)

- his company owns the entire city (corporatocrocy)

- he literally controls everyone, his money controls his fucked up kids, and the entire system is his

- the rift with Shiloh and Nathan was organized by Rotti, and I feel like Ambers problem with Mag is somehow his fault too

- as far as I know, Mags blindness is never canonically explained, Rotti could easily be responsible like he was with Marni

- Rotti feeds off the obvious, control over everyone. He also is disappointed his kids found ways around his authority, and yet they’re STILL in his web (addicts and also fucked in the head bc of the circumstances he raised them in)

Mag is. The eye

- yeah. This one is the most direct

- I have a headcanon that she can see through cameras (how she found Shiloh) and how she seems to know all about what is happening in Shilohs life

- mag is both a victim and an avatar of the eye, she sees everything going on around her with the people she loves, but all eyes are always on her, trapping her where she is.

- literally had to do a Melanie king except she didn’t escape, the web and the eye often work in opposition in TMA while also being quite similar, she and Rotti much the same.

- “take these eyes I’d rather be blind” is an inadvertent argument with Rottis control of the web, he kills her for it

Lastly, Marni is either End or Desolation

- she’s not actually present in the film

- End is bc she died and yet is still so so important to the plot

-desolation is bc her actions are kind of why everyone in the story has issues

I could make a whole separate post on Rottis fucked up crack zydrate addicted kids

[emblemcest]

Sooooooo I've been trying to get into some HotD fanfic but the sheer quantity and length of it all is... a tall hurdle, haha.

Which is to say: y'all got any recs?

Likes:

Aegon and Helaena are of greatest interest to me right now - I'd love stuff really focusing in on them!!

Gwayne and Criston also, maybe? (BIG bonus if there's acknowledgement that Rhaenyra sortaaaa. sexually assaulted him, accidentally.)

Ship-wise, Helaegon is GREAT, Helaemond I'm of interest (so long as he isn't too Evil Edgy Dom. bc that's boring haha.)(doms aren't sexy) Gwayne/Allicent and Gwayne/Criston also great. Maybe Aegon/Jace?? I need to investigate further. Either way incest is a plus obviously lol but I'm open to interesting rarepairs, too.

Character studies/development/slowburn over more plot-focused stuff

Original setting, please!! Or at least not a modern AU (unless it REALLY fits my other likes.)

It doesn't need to be short or even finished but I 1000% prefer structured and focused fics to 'I started writing this and let's see how it goes.' Effective build-up of tension and meaning is *chefs kiss*

not too much, like, overt character/team bashing. This world is best when everyone's a bit fucked up and a bit okay. Clear-cut villains are also boring.

Angst. Pining. Erotically charged chivalry. Yearning. Period-typical sentiments. Loyalty kink. Ambiguous relationships. Maybe actually unrequited love. Loneliness and desperation for affection. Hurt/comfort. Bittersweet or plain unhappy endings. Intricate rituals. Pretending so hard you don't know what's real anymore. Miscommunications because they both have entirely different belief systems built upon on their own unique traumas united only by an inability to ever be truly honest with themselves/another. Tortured, forced vulnerability regardless.

Autistic Helaena whenever possible <3

this is. stupid. but i don't. rly want stories abt how awful men are and how badly women all collectively and identically have it. im a girl(???) but im autistic and these narratives are. alien. to me.

so uhhhh as always this is long. But it is a list of inspiration!!! Nothing will match all of these things haha just; are there any fics this makes you think of at all???? ;;🙏

[hermionc]

have not been able to come on here bc tumblr really brings me back to my 16-24 yr old self and she would be so affected by this. but man. i’m upset and everyone on twitter is playing woke police (as they do) and i really need to just

my one direction era kinda predates this blog actually, i was transitioning away after zayn left bc i felt like the illusion was shattered

been crying on and off the last few days. i feel horrible that he’s gone and i feel horrible for even feeling horrible

the nuance required here is beyond what i could fit on twitter, and to be honest so many people on there are just barely no longer teens themselves they have no idea how to relate to this feeling with me . like they weren’t there . and i’m glad cuz this feeling is jarring

i can’t remember mourning a celebrity before this. which is probably bc i’m only 29. like this just happened so quickly and he was so young i was in shock the first day and was like, oh, just another celebrity death whatever lols thankfully idc anymore. and then the next day the memorial posts started flooding in not only from the other boys - i know they’re grown now but we grew up together and they’ll always be those boys to me - but also from names i haven’t thought about in years - lou teasdale, josh devine, max from the wanted, greg horan 😭

and today i started to see posts from other fans.. people i had connected with over a decade ago. or people i never knew but who went through that experience with me regardless

it hits harder and harder every day. haven’t showered since tuesday. hair is a mess. was scraping by doing the bare minimum at work

now it’s the weekend and i’ll have a chance to catch my breath. or maybe just sit with it some more

liam was one of my first favorites in one direction. i was impressed with his vocal tone and range, i could always pick out his lines because at first he was just more mature and practiced than the others when it came to singing

i remember when he followed me during one of his twitter follow sprees i literally jumped off the sofa with my ipad in hand and started crying. my mom was like what is happening 😭 but she knew it had to do with That band because at that point, in my life, everything was

an escape when my teenage years were filled with so much strife - dad moving out on us after literally trying to kill my mom, brother in and out of the hospital, mom struggling to make ends meet and pay the bills while going to university for the first time in her 40s — on top of just regular teenage shit.

not fully understanding how the csa i suffered as an infant had affected me and attempting to navigate my own sexuality within that. allowing so many men to treat me as an object to be used - sexually, emotionally, whatever - bc that’s what i felt i deserved.

and almost zero support to pick up these pieces. living in shame and dealing with self doubt and downright hatred. until i realized i could find a healthier escape - not sex, not drugs, not rebelling at school - connecting with a community over music and these boys who were offering us a safe space. one direction would be there to help me handle some of the toughest life changes anyone has to deal with. emotional loss of a parent. restructuring of a household. neglect. bullying. hypersexuality. friends suicide attempts

but at the end of the day they were always there with a twtcam or a follow spree or a concert where other fans could post videos

it’s so heartbreaking to think it will never happen again. ever. because he was troubled and on drugs and fucked up from fame. we’ve seen this so many times and the news cycle will move on and life will continue for the rest of us but my god it’s so hard to stomach

someone who once offered you so much support without even knowing - made me smile on days i would have been numb or crying. whose voice comforted me more than anything else at one point.

it’s so fucking hard and complicated i guess is what i’m trying to say. and it hurts. and i don’t use this blog anymore so if you read even part of this — thank you. i love you

[22degreehalo]

The more I think about it the more I'm just. obsessed with aroace Yuno!!!!

Like c'mon... 'The wanted wanting the wanter /isn't that just too perfect?' She's not doing this compensated dating because she needs the money or has any huge past trauma, there's something else attracting her: it's that normal relationships feel so fake and dishonest (meanwhile even if her clients get feelings for her, it's not her fault because she was upfront that this is a transactional thing) and with these types she can have full control of what goes on and when and where and why!!!

Which is Also making me think of. Complicated slightly fucked up Yuno+Kazui friendship.

And FIRST OF ALL I'm. very new to this fandom and haven't read Most of the drama CDs hahahaha so this is just my first impression BUT

so she approaches him early (i have no idea if any of this is canon im sso sorry this is just what I want. right now.) because guys like him are common clients (either bc they're divorced and lonely or want to feel young again or whatever) but he's just easygoing abt it but Firm No. ('I'm old enough to be your father.' 'Haha, yeah? Isn't that the point?') And genuinely doesn't seem interested which is kinda annoying but whatever.

So she kinda tries or or two approaches with him, like playing the more sexy role of her second MV, but still he's not giving Anything back At All, and honestly it's weird that she's even trying this hard? Normally it's the other way around??? Like it's not like he can even pay her in here so.

She stews a bit and wonders if she does genuinely have feelings for him finally which'd be both annoying and a relief, and honestly it just Fits that that'd be how these things go lmao that she finally has real legit feelings for a guy with no interest in her. (And Mahiru is probably super excited about it bc this is early when she's still perky and happy and wanting to push them together.)

Maybe at some point Kazui does admit that he feels lonely without someone physically there with him to touch and be close to. So Yuno finally gets him to lie in her lap or vice versa or whatever. But it feels sorta weird. And he gets a bit somber. And wonders aloud if this is what it would've been like to have a daughter.

And she just. Gets up and leaves.

She's had guys say stuff like that before. Sometimes cause they pitied her and wanted to 'save her', which was frustrating, and she'd cut them off immediately. Usually because it was some kinda fucked-up incest roleplay, which she enjoyed; more than most roleplays, actually. The sweet lovey-dovey rps are okay but kinda false and make her feel weirdly guilty; the more messed up ones, she can relax in. Fucked up familial relationships, fucked up romantic relationships: what's the difference?

But Kazui actually meant it. No ulterior sexual or compassionate motives.

She apologises later saying that it's because they never hashed out their red flags or what the scene would be about, but she's the professional here and she didn't make sure that happened so it's her bad. And he just seems to accept that, and says he doesn't want to overstep her boundaries. And seems to mean it.

There's some commonality between them. A willingness to hold themselves back. To not talk about things that people don't want to talk about. This dance of fake affection, until it's impossible to tell what one's true feelings are anymore.

She likes having her relationships set out in clear words, without the actual emotional honesty of having to delve into her own psyche. But now she sort of wants to share things with him, and she has no idea what to do with that. And on his side, he senses some similar circumstances between them, but he still isn't yet able to be honest about what he knows about himself deep down. But maybe if he was, he could talk to her.

There's some talk abt sex among the prisoners. These two are expected to have the most experience, but she's kinda like 'sex is okay. It feels good and it's a means to an end.' And he's weirdly mysterious about it all but claims that his perspective is closest to hers, which confuses everyone else.

And............somehow from that they end up being able to have a conversation about Not Wanting What Society Wants You To Want and the weird relationships you have with all that and the ways you do or don't get what you Actually want, an d it's all very good and meaningful but idk I haven't thought that far yet hahahaha that's as far as I got before I had to type it all up :')))

[demons-and-demigods]

Demons and Demigods Part Six: Tartarus

Edit 4/12/24: okay so I might come back to this part and rewrite it at some point. I'll make a second post for that just to keep this one around bc i do like it, i just think it could be More lol

Alright, so this part is gonna be part hand-wavey transitions part written scene. I didn't want to split it up, so you'll just have to bear with me here for this one. This part also features dark!percy and, you know, The Horrors. Let me know if you want any warnings added to this one and I'll add them.

They get to Rome, split up to do their things, find Nico, fight the twins, Annabeth finds the Athena Parthenos, etc. Sam and Dean are stuck in Mystery Spot the same day Percabeth falls into Tartarus. And because demigods are ~weird~ they can all sense that something is off each repeat (especially because Percy and Annabeth seem Extra Off), and the Wednesday that Dean dies and then stays dead for four months is really fucking weird bc the demigods are just like, they know that nothing they do now is gonna stick they can feel it and Gaea and the Giants have like, stopped pulling shit so they’re just like wtf is going on. Then the world resets again and Percabeth has just fallen into Tartarus and off we go to continue the story. The demigods can sense that whatever was going on is over now and they hustle to get back to work.  

Percabeth did not get reset because Tartarus works different and is beyond the reach and powers of a trickster (even if said trickster is actually the archangel Gabriel in disguise) so they were falling for longer than is canon and then spent a lot longer down there than in canon bc I’m a sadist <3 so the Percy and Annabeth that the rest of the seven interacted with on each reset were just illusions repeating canned lines.

(I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: this is my au and I can fuck with the timelines if I want to, so I am. Does it make sense? No. Do I care? Also no. I'm just having fun, don't think about any of it too hard.)

Now begins The Horrors.

Percabeth is in Tartarus dealing with The Horrors for like, a year. Between the topside Mystery Spot resets not affecting the Pit and time working differently down there anyway, it’s a long ass time for them. Tartarus is Large, it takes a long time to traverse its expanse. They suffer through drinking the fire water and trying desperately to stay alive to make it to the Doors. It’s been months and they’ve both started to lose themselves a little to the nature of the Pit. Percy is a little more vicious when cutting down monsters, Annabeth is a little slower to reign him in. It’s . . . almost easier down there. It’s all cut a dry. It’s just kill or be killed. It’s us or them. There is nothing but fight and kill and stay alive and always keep moving. It’s simple.  

Bob shows up and it’s a reminder that there’s more out there, a reminder of who they were and what they’re fighting for when they had begun to forget that there had ever been anything other than Hell. They regain a little bit of who they were before the Fall.  

The arai fuck shit up real bad lmao. They fight and get cursed and then Annabeth is blinded and she can’t find Percy and Percy is enraged. He stops caring about anything but getting to her, he doesn’t care about all the curses he is taking on, he can’t feel the pain of them anymore. The arai fall all around him with every swing of his sword. The curses pile up and still he doesn’t stop. They mean nothing in the face of his rage and desperation to get back to Annabeth’s side.  

And then it happens. He cuts down an arai and then he’s on the ground. Annabeth is still calling for him and the arai are laughing at him. The curse of Phineas, they cackle. A slow, painful death for the son of Poseidon who has caused so much suffering and pain; it is fitting.  

Percy is in unbearable pain; his blood is boiling in his veins and his skin is sloughing off his bones. His head is pounding and throbbing and he thinks it might explode. His muscles are burning and tearing themselves apart as his bones liquify. He knows that he is dying and fears that he won’t. Still he tries to get up, tries to stand and continue fighting. He refuses to go out without a fight, and he refuses to leave Annabeth to suffer the nightmares of this place alone.  

He manages to get back to his feet, although he has no idea how, and he has not the strength to lift his sword, barely the strength to grip it. And so he lunges, ripping the arai apart with hands and teeth as he burns, everything burning burning burning. But Annabeth is always just out of reach and his strength cannot last forever. He goes down. His vision is fading and he can’t tell if he’s breathing, he’s not even sure he has lungs to breathe with anymore. With the last of his strength he turns his gaze to the vaguely silver outline of where Bob is standing off to the side and prays. He begs with the shredded remains of his deteriorating mind for Bob to keep Annabeth safe. He apologizes for never visiting, for being a bad friend.  

And then the lights go out and Percy knows that this is it. He has a moment to wonder if his soul will remain trapped in Tartarus for all eternity or if it will manage to escape. With his luck, he doubts it.  

Bob moves, then. He clears away the arai and grabs Annabeth before she walks off the cliff. He heals her and carries her over to where Percy is lying still on the ground. Annabeth begs Bob to help him, cradles him in her arms and tells him that he can’t die, he can’t leave her to find the Doors alone, she needs him. Bob tries to heal him.  

Percy is a gruesome sight. He’s bleeding from a hundred different wounds, one of his legs looks broken and there is bone sticking out of his arm. He’s covered in blood and bruises and burns and he’s far too cold.  

Bob manages to fix most of the wounds and heals the broken bones. But the gorgon’s blood poison is beyond his abilities to take care of. They head to Damasen’s.  

Annabeth is wary, but desperate, and Bob is holding Percy so she had no choice but to follow.  

Damasen helps them, albeit reluctantly. Percy slowly gets better. Annabeth is thankful for the weeks of rest they get at Damasen’s hut while Percy recovers. Eventually, however, Percy is as healed as he is going to get in Tartarus, where the very air they breathe is slowly killing them, and they need to move on.  

It’s slow progress, heading towards the lady Bob says can help them with the death mist stuff, but they make it. Bob couldn’t come with them all the way, but he promised to meet them afterwards.  

And then Misery herself shows up and she is going to kill them. After everything else they’ve been through, after everything else they’ve done to get this far, they’re going to die at the hands of a sniveling, whining old hag? No.  

Percy is angry. He is furious. He wrests control of the poison from her and reverses its flow. He grabs hold of her tears and snot and saliva and forces it back, making her sob harder and it only gives him more to work with. Annabeth stands back and watches.  

Percy sees just how much misery Misery can take. She is begging him to let her go and he can’t help but laugh. It’s pitiful, how quickly she’s given in, given up. That cracked glass orb somewhere in the core of him shatters. And all of a sudden, he can feel. He can sense the congestion rattling in her lungs and the ichor pumping through her veins.  

He wants to grab hold of it, grab hold of everything in her and make her scream. He wants to make her feel even a fraction of the pain that he and Annabeth have had to endure down here.  

But then Annabeth’s ghoulish hand is on his arm and he turns to look at her and her eyes are sharp, even from beneath the guise of the death mist, and she shakes her head. He tilts his, asking, are you sure? He can kill this goddess, he is suddenly certain of this fact, and he would, if Annabeth told him to. She shakes her head again.  

He clears a path and lets Misery go.  

Nyx is frightening, yes, but Percy can feel the ichor in her veins just as easily as he could in Misery’s. He is not as afraid as he knows he should be.  

They survive the House of Night and make it to the other side intact.  

Percy can sense Annabeth’s heart pounding as they run, can feel her blood pumping and it makes his head throb, but they don’t have time for him to think about it, so he shoves it to the back of his mind and carries on.  

They meet up with Bob. Percy can almost hear the ichor in his veins and he can sense every movement Bob is about to make, can feel his muscles tense and stretch.  

They make it to the Doors and Percy can hardly think over the sound of all the blood pumping within the horde of monsters before them. It echoes in his head, gallons of blood and ichor roaring in his ears. He stumbles and Annabeth catches him. He can’t hear her worried questions over the pounding in his head.  

He gets it under control.  

They make it to the Doors and cut one chain. They fight. Tartarus himself appears.  

Percy drops his sword. He claps his hands over his ears and screams. He can feel it now, the body of Tartarus coming to life beneath their feet; the rivers of the Underworld flow through his veins, monsters writhe around in pustules on his skin. They stand atop the thunderous beating of his massive heart.  

Percy can feel it all and he can feel his mind begin to fray at the immensity of it, at the truth of the Pit. Mortal minds were not meant to bear this reality.  

Annabeth is kneeling in front of him (he doesn’t remember hitting the ground) and her hands are covering his over his ears and she’s trying to talk to him but all he can hear is the rushing of the rivers beneath Tartarus’ skin. Bob is fighting off monsters and his brothers as the manifestation of Tartarus watches from the sidelines. Damasen is there (when did he get here? Percy’s mind is fracturing, he can’t think straight, he can’t keep track of what’s going on) and Percy blinks and Damasen has thrown himself at Tartarus and Annabeth is trying to haul him into the Doors.  

Percy tries to speak but he can’t seem to make his voice work. They need to stay, to help their friends. They can’t leave Bob and Damasen behind.  

Annabeth is crying.  

Percy reaches up to wipe the tears from her cheeks and tries to focus only on her, tries to block out the body of Tartarus and the horde of monsters.  

Suddenly, Bob is there, scooping them up and depositing them in the elevator. “The button must be held for twelve minutes or else the Doors will open and you will die, trapped within whatever lies between here and the surface.”  

Annabeth tries to protest. Percy can barely make out what Bob is saying.  

“I will hold the button,” Bob says. “Thank you, friends, for giving us hope.” He glances over his shoulder at where Damasen and his drakon are holding off the tide of monsters and trying to keep Tartarus at bay. “We will do this for you, and we are honored to. You must hold the Doors closed on your side. They do not like the living and will try to spit you out.”  

Bob presses the button and the Doors begin to slide closed. “Please tell the sun and stars I say hello,” he says with a soft smile, and the Doors shut.  

It’s a long, long ride back to the surface. Annabeth and Percy throw their shoulders into the Doors, fighting to keep them closed. Annabeth sobs, but Percy still isn’t quite all there.  

The longer they’re in the elevator and the farther they get from the Pit, the more Percy begins to come back to himself. Annabeth watches the awareness slowly return to his eyes and his face crumple with despair as he regains his mind and can finally make sense of what just happened.  

They mourn, but they keep the Doors closed.  

Above, the whole thing with Pasiphae and Clytius is happening. The Doors ding. Leo throws a screwdriver to hit the button.  

The Doors slide open.  

Percy and Annabeth tumble out, still clinging to each other even as they collapse.  

They look dead.  

Clytius uses them to speak and everyone is pissed off, then Hazel and Hecate kill him <3  

Percy and Annabeth are alive, but only just. And they’re out. Nico and Hazel kneel on either side of them. Nico reaches out to clutch at the tattered remains of Percy’s shirt and Hazel grabs hold of Annabeth’s wrist.  

The others gather around and hold hands. Nico and Hazel shadow travel them all out of there.  

In the light, it’s worse.  

Reyna and Coach Hedge meet them on the hilltop and freeze. Hedge starts cursing up a storm and Reyna chokes back bile. Leo turns around and throws up. Frank gags. Hazel sobs and Nico feels like he can’t breathe. Piper turns and buries her head in Jason’s chest. He wraps his arms around her tightly but can’t bring himself to look away from Percy and Annabeth.  

They’re horrifyingly thin, emaciated. The tattered remnants of their clothes hang off their skeletal frames. Their skin was pale and sallow, their cheeks sunken. Their chests rattled with each shallow, labored breath. They were covered in cuts and bruises, weeping lacerations and half-healed scabs littering their skin beneath layers of dirt and grime and other nasty substances.  

The others wondered just how long Percy and Annabeth had been down there.  

Jason gently lifts Percy into his arms and flies him to the ship, Frank right behind him as a dragon with Annabeth carefully cradled in his claws.  

Reyna, Hedge, and Nico leave with the Athena Parthenos.  

Percy and Annabeth are settled in two beds in the small infirmary on the Argo II to rest. No one knows when (if) they’ll wake up. Someone is always with them, though. Be it Hazel gently wiping the grime from their skin or Piper carefully cleaning their wounds, Jason dribbling nectar between their cracked lips or Frank doing some physical therapy exercises to try and keep their muscles from atrophying any further.  

The boat was quiet and tense, everyone waiting with bated breath for Percy and Annabeth to wake up.  

And eventually, they did. 

[toxicanonymity]

Do you ever struggle with feelings of discouragement or inadequacy if your fics don’t do as well as you had hoped?

I’m struggling with that myself. I try not to get so hung up on it but it’s very hard, especially when something I’m so proud of doesn’t do as well as my other works.

I don’t even feel motivated to write bc I don’t wanna set myself up for disappointment

Discouragement, sure, I think that's natural sometimes. But I really don't feel like stats have anything to do with adequacy. Baring my soul, yuck. But fuck it we ball. Sorry it's a long answer.

I don't think I've ever answered a serious ask aside from the time i created Dr. rock which hardly counts but I've seen a lot of people struggling with this lately and hope this might be idk comforting to a person or two without leading to debate/discourse.

You mentioned something you're proud of isn't doing as well as your other works, and I can see how that would be disappointing. For laughs, I'll compare 2 of mine. These fics are impossible to compare (as are most, I think) but I def understand the urge to measure yourself against what you see as the potential. Aches: <1k popular trope I banged out in no time, wasn't sure about it, literally thought "people don't have to like it" before I hit post. >4 notes per word. Left in Lincoln: >22k posted so far, challenging, writing it for months. Has possibly driven me crazy bc I had this passing thought the other day and not about TLOU. (I didn't feel like re-reading it all): "I should just rewatch the movie. . .wait." 🤡 The whole Lincoln series combined has fewer notes than Aches lmao. But it's far more rewarding in getting to see it come to life, quality of engagement, and stretching myself 😏. It's not for everyone, for various reasons. Surely would have better stats without the twist I went with. But at what cost??

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Often, if people don't read or like something, it's a reflection of their own interests, limitations, and assumptions. And the right "fit."

I don't rly read much in general, but specifically, I rarely read long stuff (if I do I prob scan a lot tbh). I normally only want, if any, just enough plot/premise to build sexual tension. I don't read fluff or angst. I don't have the attention span / commitment to get invested in original characters. I tend to avoid stuff similar to what I'm working on. I make assumptions - If there's no word count, maybe it's too long. I know a lot of the fics I skip for these reasons must be fantastic. Assumptions I experience - I've seen very popular fics in the wild that strike me as dark, creepy, or pervy but aren't tagged that way. So some things that are tagged dark, etc., including plenty of mine, might not be dark in the way people assume based on their own ideas, or based on what others do tag. Also some people think I only write dark when sometimes it's just horny (see master list).

I've sometimes found myself thinking "It sucks more people don't read this bc i bet they would enjoy it" (not just my own fics). It might sound egotistical but I think it's often true.

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Of course I want engagement because that means more people reading something which can mean more interaction, discussion, learning what you liked, what you think, etc. that's what I love.

But notes aren't rly near the top of what I care about, even though it does feel great to get them and I truly appreciate every single one.

Night walks doesn't get nearly as many notes as some of my other stuff, especially these days, but it's fun to write and I like to feed his feral fans who only get more into him with time. Same with raider: among those who do read and engage, I sense rising enthusiasm, thirst, and rate of falling in love with him (my bad). That's all worth more than 1000 likes to me. I have a good time writing these guys, so I write them more than other ones that get way more notes 🤷. I'm not saying notes don't matter at all, I know they affect exposure and engagement. But if just did what gets notes, I don't think I'd have such high quality engagement bc I'd just bang out more stuff with the most popular tropes instead of our fave Joels and those destined to become our faves bc they offer something special.

My outlook was the same before I had so many followers btw. Rock Bottom (22k) was what I felt like writing, still more ambitious than anything I've done in the Halloween fandom. I was disappointed it got way less attention than my one shots, but I know it's a banger, just certainly not for everyone lol.

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I'm sorry for what you're experiencing and feeling, but I think it's very common and hope you can reframe it to not feel inadequate. I especially hope it doesn't discourage you from writing. ❤️